#i am fucking around instead of doing a work thing :)
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This is a hard truth that a lot of people don't want to hear, that there needs to be a balance between holding men accountable for their behavior, pointing out injustices that they benefit from, and at the same time encouraging them to learn and grow.
And this goes for any group of people, really, but especially so for young men right now.
I was saying this shit back before the 2016 election and really pissed off a lot of people for daring to argue that we should encourage our allies instead of shaming and alienating them.
"Yes, absolutely, people should support our civil rights because it's the right thing to do, but a lot of people genuinely do not know how much of the world is structured to prop them up at the cost of bringing others down."
I'm going to say something possibly really, really controversial here, especially in the wake of THIS election:
Most people are capable of being empathetic, understanding, and logical, but if you are going to engage with them then you have to have the maturity to commit to reaching them.
At one of the places I worked previously, there was this security guard who worked a few nights at the end of the week who was honestly one of my best friends there. He was a well-educated, very devout Christian man around my father's age, and he was black. For context, I am a young Irish-American liberal Hellenic Polytheist.
We actually got along far better with each other than I did with all of the hippie woo neopagan people I knew there, and he with the Christians there. And that's because we were not only both well educated within our belief systems, we were also really good at meeting in the middle and extending social grace and understanding to each other. We found that our core principles were perfectly aligned, we just didn't always arrive to our conclusions in the same exact ways.
When the pandemic hit in 2020, he was reluctant to get vaccinated, and when we talked about it I was the one person who got through to him. And he told me so. He told me outright, after he got vaccinated, that it was my voice that changed his mind.
I did not do that by shaming him over all of the people he might kill if he caught COVID and spread it. I did not do that by attacking his intellect or scientific literacy. I did not do that by threatening his financial security and pointing out that companies are letting people go for not getting vaccinated.
I did it by acknowledging his beliefs and concerns (especially as an older black man, given this country's history), and agreeing that he absolutely has valid reasons to feel the way he does, but by letting him know that my position on this subject was one of caring about his well-being above all else and letting him know when I got vaccinated and where, and how the process went for me.
Look, shaming CAN be effective in some limited scenarios, and I've done that, too. I've shamed quite a few people on public transit for refusing to let disabled elderly people sit. I am very much guilty of telling a woman that her imaginary friend does not need a seat of their own so that a guy who fell over getting on the bus could actually sit the fuck down.
But when it comes to bigger picture social issues, it's so much better to try to reach people and establish dialogue FIRST. And I know that that is asking a lot. For many of us, it goes against our very instincts.
At the local farmer's market last week, I had a man come up to me in a MAGA hat and I was absolutely braced for a fight. Instead, he eagerly showed me pictures on his phone of the garden he was cultivating. He was almost GIDDY about his plants, about the wildflowers and the pollinators and the fruit and the trees. That man was reachable. He was not there to attack me for being a queer woman. He was there to bond over how cool plants are and had no idea what he was really signing up for.
It's so much easier to condemn people broadly as monsters, and I know it feels much more satisfying and rewarding in the moment. I've done it, too. I was downright obnoxious about it when I was younger. But this is not the kind of behavior that leads to long-term societal growth.
The more we cut off and alienate people, the easier it is for them to fall prey to indoctrination. Exposure and social engagement is our biggest weapon against bigotry and THAT is a major reason as to why the Republican party wants to destroy public education.
I have had an immense uphill battle with some of my closest male friends in trying to keep them from falling down the alt-right pipeline. It's been a nearly two decade endeavor in a few cases, but I have seen those men in my life gradually improve and become well-rounded, empathetic, and educated men.
I guess what I'm saying here is, if you have a man (or ANYONE for that matter!) in your life who is showing early warning signs and/or you believe is susceptible to the MAGA movement, please think about what I've said. It's so much harder to approach them from a place of understanding than of anger and I get that, but at the end of the day, one of those is going to be much more effective at changing their viewpoint.
Lastly, if you find yourself in a situation where you are trying to engage with someone who thinks very differently than you do, here are a few tips and some examples:
1. Acknowledge their viewpoint.
"I understand where you're coming from"
"I think I see why you think/feel this way"
Or even just asking, "I don't really understand, can you explain how you arrived to this conclusion/viewpoint/opinion, etc.?"
2. Offer them an olive branch.
"I see what you're saying, and actually, I think you will find that our opinions aren't too different from each other's."
"You have a point about this, and if I could just build off of that, here is where I am coming from."
3. Address their concerns
"Yeah, you're right, our taxes are already way too high, but if we didn't have to raise them at all and could, instead, take a hard look at how they are already being spent?"
"Wolf reintroduction absolutely could be a problem for farmers if it's handled poorly, and you're right that city people don't understand that as intimately as you do, but what if I told you there's a way we could work this out to your benefit, too?"
4. Thank them for listening! (even if they didn't magically change their opinion right away, you never know)
"I'm glad we had this talk, thank you for hearing what I had to say."
5. Reassure them that you listened, too! (even if YOU didn't change your mind)
"I can't say you've changed my mind, but you've given me something to think about."
I couldn't have said it better myself.
#I was saying this shit back in 2016 before the election even happened#and people were pissed at me for daring to argue that we should be encouraging allies#instead of just broadly shaming entire groups as irredeemable villains#because as unpleasant as it may be NONE of us are immune to indoctrination#and when you alienate people and convince them they are inherently bad#you are making it VERY easy for them to fall prey to these kinds of groups#I still to this day regret cutting ties with one of my uncles back then for posting something about the Confederate flag on his FB page#not because I was wrong to be upset with him over it#but because he wasn't too far gone yet and there was a window of time at which I could have pulled him back from the brink#instead I caved to peer pressure and cut him off... and it was to save my own skin more than anything else#eight years later this man has gone WAY off the deep end and there is likely no turning back#alienating people pushes them towards extremism NOT enlightenment#people improve when they are given space to learn and grow and I know that is hard#please learn from my mistake if you're reading this and you know someone who isn't too far gone yet
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Stupid (Spencer Reid)
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader
Summary: You wanted his attention. Now you had it.
Rating: Mature 18+ only
Warnings: Public sexiness, Reid is a meanie and uses a bullet vibrator, oral (m receiving), degrading, public sex, unprotected sex (guys plz be safe), Reid curses (it is a warning so don't even)
Words: 1.2k
Main Masterlist | Criminal Minds Masterlist
AN: This story is mainly for @reidgif I hope you like it!
The buzzing sounds was satisfying to Spencer’s ears. Though not as much as your whimpers and quiet moans.
His fingers play with the feel of the remote of the bullet vibrator in his hand, eyes glued to the case file that he was reviewing.
“Spencer…”
“I am not moving. I told you earlier when you decided to so desperately get my attention and be a brat in front of the others, that you were going to be punished.” His dark eyes flicked from the report to where you were standing by the suspect board. “Now you need to keep working or we will never get to go back to the hotel.”
You let out a sob but turned back to the white board and lifted your hand to shakily write something on it. You knew that when you dragged Spencer on a “lunch break” only to want to eat him.
“Oh fuck,” Spencer moaned, his hands gripping your hair as he guided your head up and down his cock, “you are going to be in so much trouble later, you fucking inpatient slut.”
All you could do was moan around him, not caring at the moment what was coming later. All you wanted was him. To feel him. The taste of him on your tongue.
Your eyes met his, teary and cheeks hollowing out, propelling him towards his climax until he came in your mouth, giving you the “lunch” you wanted.
Now here you were, in a (thankfully) empty precinct, underwear sitting on the table and a bullet vibrator inside you going at a slow steady pace.
There would be times you would get used to the slow vibration, thinking you could work peacefully, but Spencer was attuned to you and would crank the dial higher, dropping you to your knees in a moaning mess, the pulsing pushing your close and closer to a high you so desperately wanted, one you had been denied for an hour now, only for him to quickly turn it back to the dull buzz.
“I think he is specifically targeting women with blonde hair.” You were able to squeak out something, surprised with yourself that you were able to make it through the sentence without losing yourself.
Spencer let out a low chuckle, the sound sending a shiver up your spine since he was much closer then he was before. When did he get up?
“I can’t believe this has rendered you this stupid,” His finger bumps up the vibration once, a whimper escaping your throat, “since that was something we already knew. Anyone with eyes could tell that they are all blondes.”
“B but-”
“Don’t you even finish that sentence.” Spencer rolled his eyes, stepping back from you and started moving some of the papers from the conference table. “I don’t want to hear it from a crybaby like you. You are so lucky you are so cute because if I had known how stupid you were, I would have just done this myself.”
You knew he didn’t mean the words he was saying, but right now you almost did believe him. You were so horny and wet that it didn’t matter about the case, as horrible as that may seem.
“I might as well get something out of being here with you. Get over here and bend over.”
If you were in your right mind, you would have been embarrassed with how fast you complied with his order. The coolness of the conference table feels amazing against the flush of your skin.
Spencer let out a cruel laugh at your eagerness, but didn’t say anything. No, instead he cracked the bullet up as far as it could go.
A scream ripped from you, the feeling a blessing and a curse, driving you physically up the conference table and sensually closer to your end. Your legs shaking and the only thing holding you up was Spencer’s hand on your lower back, his gentle touch contrasting with the harshness of his actions and words.
“God look at you. Crying from how good that feels huh? Isn’t this what you wanted? My attention? Well guess what you fucking slut,” He leaned in close, his weight pressing you into the table, his sent filling your head, “You have it.”
Whines and cries fill the room, the best thing Spencer has ever heard as you finally are forced to let go of the tension coiling in your gut. Curses flying past your lips as well as his name.
If anyone just so happened to come into the precinct now, they would know exactly what was happening and who was making you feel this good.
Spencer pulled the bullet out of your cunt by the string, throwing it behind him and not even bothering to turn it off. Slumping against the table, bliss completely deafening you to the sound of Spencer undoing his belt.
Next thing you knew your leg was being lifted up to rest on the table and the blunt head of his cock was pressing into you, one swift thrust filling you to the brim.
“Oh shit!” You cry, fresh tears streaking down your cheeks.
Spencer groaned, his lips coming to kiss the back of your neck and up to your ear, his facial hair lightly tickling you. “You are so wet. Feels so good.”
That was the nicest thing he has said to you all day.
Drawing back just enough for his tip to be the only thing inside, you could feel his smirk and knew that the one kind word was the only thing you were getting out of him tonight. He snapped his hips, driving completely into you again.
He repeated this over and over, harsher with each thrust he drove into you. It was so good that all you could do was moan and drool against the table.
His laugh filled the room alongside the other sounds. “Look at you! So cockstupid that you would let me do absolutely anything I wanted. Who’s pussy is this?”
When you didn’t, couldn’t, answer him, Spencer gripped your hair, tugging you back to him and the new angle had him hitting that spot that made you see spots.
“Answer me. Come on. I know you can do it. Who’s. Pussy. Is this?” He accentuated every word with a deep thrust into you.
“Yours! Spencer, all yours!”
“Good girl.”
His thrusts continued assaulting you, pressing and pushing you into the table and into him. All you could feel was Spencer. All you could care about at the moment was Spencer.
“Oh shit.” He cursed, his blunt nails digging into your hips as he cums, painting your walls white.
Spencer stilled for a moment. You whimper and wiggle your hips for him, silently begging him to continue since you were so close. But you should have seen this next part coming. Didn’t make it any less horrible when he pulled out of you and stuffed himself back into his pants.
“No!” You cry. “Please please Spencer!”
“I’m tired and going back to the hotel. You coming?”
He smirked and you glowered at his double entendre. “Yes I am.”
“Not without me, my stupid girl.”
With that Spencer grabbed your panties, showing you that he was not even going to let you put them back on, and strode out of the conference room.
“Brats don’t get to cum. Maybe you will learn.”
(Banners by cafekitsune)
#spencer reid#mgg#criminal minds#spencer reid smut#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x reader smut#mgg smut#matthew gray gubler#criminal minds smut
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Three strikes, you're (not going) out!
Tw: fem!reader, smut, rough sex, drug use (weed), vague descriptions of being high, high sex, needy!Toji, kinda mean!toji, Porn with (minor) plot. Dumbification(?) Thumb in butt, squirting, no use of y/n, minor mentions of scent kink, use of daddy, degradation. 18+ MDNI
Wordcount: 3.5k
An: Hi guys, ah I'm so nervous as this is my first work so please go easy on me. If you write and you read this I’m always open to constructive criticism :) jus please PLEASE inbox me instead i get embarrassed easily. Also, this fic was inspired by @satorena ‘s "& drip till we soak the bed " which I enjoyed reading if you couldn't tell so take a look at that. The reader is black coded. Actually, this whole fic is as I am a black girl myself. also grammar isn't really my thing, i used grammarly but thats about all you're getting from me. I really enjoyed writing this and honestly, I can see myself doing this a lot more often so if you have any suggestions lmk! I’ll probably make a more formal post about that but without further ado:
Truth be told you don’t know how you got here, a couple minutes ago you were just adding on finishing touches to your makeup and spraying yourself with your “good girl” perfume by Carolina Herrera. You were way overdue for a girls’ night with Shoko and honestly, you needed this.
Since dating Toji, he has you stuck in the house all day even when he was busy working. Not letting you leave unless he comes with you like he’s your guard dog. Leaving you to stay at home since he took a gig that was able to retire you and himself but he still likes to work so he doesn’t feel too lazy.
He doesn’t work that often but his jobs have him gone for a while at a time. Every time he comes home to you, he’s such a big baby. He had just gotten home from a gig a couple days ago too. Needing nothing but you, he smothers you right where you lay on the couch despite your protests of him being dirty (may have not showered for 5 days but when you’re a hitman, you gotta weigh your priorities). He doesn't care, all he needs is you. After a couple times, you get used to it, even developing a thing for his natural musk.
You play with his hair pressing soft kisses on his forehead occasionally using the opportunity to smell his scalp as he lays on your soft plush body. He loves to spend his days off being with you, accompanying you with the smallest of tasks. When you ask him why he likes being around when you’re reading a book he just tells you to go back to reading but truth be told, you quiet his mind. Even without saying anything, your presence puts him at peace allowing his mind to rest from all the turmoil inside.
When Toji comes back from a gig it normally means you won't be leaving anytime soon and if you do, he’s standing right beside you in all his massive glory. So when he walked in you knew you needed to get away fast before he caught-
“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” he asked with the usual arrogant smirk on his face as he takes in the sight of you in this enticing dress (strike one). you notice the already lit blunt in his hand as the wedding cake smoke clouds fill the bathroom quickly. He stands behind you and gazes at you in the mirror as he takes a hit. You can practically hear the thoughts that fill his head as he leaves the blunt on his lips and starts to play with your ass. One hand on your back pressing and bending you into a pretty little arch for him. “ Tojiiiii please I have to meet Shoko I haven't seen her in weeks…” you beg him with pleading doe eyes and he almost immediately feels his dick twitch (strike two). “ aww yea?” he asks and you can hear the mockery in his voice already. “ you so fuckin pretty mama, Shoko needa see you all dolled up like this?” he says smoothly while practically eye fucking you. He finally tears his eyes off your plush fat ass to meet your gaze in the mirror.
His heavy vermin eyes bore into you with predatory hunger, he looked like he could eat you up and he truly was contemplating it. Especially after he got a whiff of your perfume, his absolute favorite. But he didn't think that you deserved it, oh no especially not after you tried to sneak off in this slutty ass dress without telling him.
It’s not like telling him would have changed anything though. He has no problem letting you get all dolled up before events so he could absolutely ruin you right as you leave. He just can't help himself.
He presses himself into you not breaking eye contact “You tryna leave me already baby?” he says charmingly as he feels his eyes get heavier and heavier from the weed. He begins to grind his fat heavy dick between your soft asscheeks slipping back and forth between them in the tight silky fabric of your dress. “ I missed you though mama..” he whispers in your ear as he pulls you up to press his larger front half into your smaller back half. He takes the blunt out his mouth to plant delicate kisses all over your neck and collarbone. “ Toji…” you whine again “please? I’ll be a good girl and I’ll be back before it gets really late so we can watch snowfall like you like to…” (strike three, you’re out!)
You were just so cute thinking that you would get out of this especially after you referred to yourself as a “good girl”.
Aww, what a cutie bringing up my fav show like that… calling herself a good girl. yea imma make sure she real good fa me He thinks to himself.
Maybe he would’ve let you go if he wasn’t high (chances would be slim to none but better than your chances now) but how could he? He always got so affectionate and horny when he got high even though his body is way stronger than the average human male. Which is crazy because already has the sex drive of a rabbit. “Yea?” he asks pressing your whole body into the bathroom counter. His hands find purchase on your bare back as the dress was backless. He tugs on the Gucci thong (courtesy of him btw) you're wearing the fuck? his eye twitches, and all hopes of salvation are absolutely demolished as he smirks evilly but you can't even see him as he presses your head onto the counter.
Of course she tries to leave in this slutty ass outfit without me, what the hell wrong with this girl? then she got the nerve to look at me like that like my dick not already hard. She just makes this too easy for me and way harder on herself
“Give me a lil show and maybe just MAYBE I'll have mercy on you tonight” he lies. His fingers find your hair and pull you up to look at him in the mirror. You sigh as you feel his other hand lift your dress up but honestly, you love this. You both knew he was lying but you couldn’t help but play into it. You love how he can’t get enough of you, especially in his high daze. You feel the tip of his clothed dick prod against the thin fabric barely covering your fat puffy folds. You rub your fat ass all over his heavy length feeling it get harder and harder by the second. His breathing becomes deeper as he holds the blunt in his hand. You place your hand on his bare abs. “ let me hit it” you say looking back at him straight in the eyes referring to the blunt and you feel his dick twitch under you. Yea, it’s safe to say Shoko was not seeing you tonight.
Now that you think about it you know exactly how your slutty ass got here, standing on your tippy toes, throwing your fat ass back on your man and his hefty dick. He watches in awe, blunt trapped between his lips, lost in the waves. He loved when you did the work for him honestly, your slick warm cunny milking him for everything he’s got left, he could stay like this forever and he really wanted to. Full you up nice and full and send you on your merry way to Shoko but he knew you would be tired after he was done for you. Shit, you might even be tired now he thinks when he feels you abruptly stop.
He furrows his eyebrows as his eyes meet your tear-stained ones in the mirror and he feels his dick twitch and throb. He knows he’s a sick man, getting off to you crying from exhaustion but he truly can’t help himself. He really is a sadist at heart. Every time he feels like he can’t get harder he does. He puts out the blunt before placing both his hands on the arch of your back
“aww my slutty baby getting tired huh? you wanna cum don’t you?” he asks lowly and you only nod in response as your legs shake. He kisses his teeth and lands a heavy smack on your ass which makes you jolt with him still inside of you “words mama, you need to use your words” he says as glares at you in the mirror. “yes daddy hmph, I wanna cum please” you beg your eyes not leaving his. “then fucking take it and make yourself cum all over this dick. Who told you to stop he fuck? You think yo lil ass in charge now?” he spits at you harshly and lands another smack on your ass as he feels you flutter around him. He knows exactly what to say to get you going. You whimper but get on your tippy toes again working towards your orgasm. “ that’s it, there you go mama. This yo dick pretty girl.” you moan loudly feeling your walls clench around him from his words. He smirks knowing that he will forever have you in his grasp by that smooth ass mouth of his. “damn baby you taking me so well… So deep too. you better make a fucking mess on this dick too. Fuckkk, look at you, already wetting it up. ” he groans lowly as he stares at where you guys connect and glare back at you in the mirror.
His gaze is tense and unwavering watching your face contort from the pleasurable pain of impaling yourself on his dick. You practically saw hearts in his eyes from the way he looked at you. You feel your face grow hot as you look away feeling embarrassed from the intimacy. As you look away you feel his big hand cup the entirety of your face and force your gaze to meet his.
You swear you can hear him say “ look at me “ but his mouth remains closed as he makes sure you understand.
“youn wanna look at me no more?” he asks with fake sadness “I don't give a single fuck. look at me while you use my cock. I’m so deep inside you, I can feel that cervix. You’re doing that baby, You know that?” he then works his hand to your throat and grabs it to use it as leverage to press your body firmly against his. He fights the urge to take control as you continue to work yourself back onto him.” you the one that got me digging me in you like this. Such a slut taking me this deep yea? You feeling me baby?” he asks you with incredible finesse and you were in fact feeling him, digging you out due to your own doing.
Each thrust backwards being met with a delicious pleasure forming a knot building in your stomach. “ cause I'm feeling you, so warm and tight. You feel so good baby” he moans to you without shame. “ooo shitttt, I feel you baby”’ you moan loudly feeling your body give out to the sensation of being full. “you like that huh? You like that I can feel your insides warming me up and begging me not to leave? Don’t worry my pretty girl, I'm not going anywhere and neither are you.” you moan loudly at his words feeling yourself get closer with each thrust backward. You feel your legs shake and your feet cramping as you get closer to your orgasm. “that's it, use me. Make yourself cream all over this dick and I promise imma make you squirt on it next” he all but begs you. Your eyes are torn away from him as they roll back to your head. You fuck yourself back onto him through your orgasm, creaming on him with a loud cry.
You genuinely cannot continue fucking him but you still need him inside you so your actions slow to a stop and he pulls himself out of you “Toji? ” you look back at the Greek god-like physique of the man behind you in desperation. He stares at your pretty pussy for a min as you whine for him. “Beg.” he says now slapping his fat cock head on your clit making you jolt. You reach your hand behind you to hold and stroke his cock, taping it on your entrance too hoping he will give in but every time you try to slide him in, he pulls away. When that doesn’t work you get frustrated resorting to the brat he knows all too well.
“Are you gonna fuck me or what? Like seriously. You already ruined my night out and god knows when I will get the chance to see the fucking sun again since you like to hold me captive for decades at a time” you say annoyed as you glare at him through the mirror. His face holds something unreadable and that should’ve been your sign to stop talking but oh what the hell, you’re already here now. You smirk maliciously as the next words leave your mouth. “Or are you just so damn high that you can’t even handle me right now? You’re such a baby. I smoked more of that blunt than you did, you fucking lightweight. You need a nap baby boy?” your words are laced with unmistaken condescendence.
He opens the bathroom drawer next to you and grabs the candle lighter, relighting the blunt. “fucking finish this shit. I’m not fucking playing with you either, you better take everything I give you” looks you dead back in your eyes and by the tone of his voice, he has had enough of your bullshit tonight. You take it from him and follow his orders, hitting it while he fixes your arch nice and deep for him. “ and you better keep this fucking arch too because if I have to fix it for you, you won’t like it.” he grumbles angrily as he lines himself up at your entrance again. “can’t handle you right now? That weak-ass sorry-ass arch you had throwing that shit back to me, you lucky I’m in love with yo sexy ass.” he fires back at you. He was lying though, he definitely was mesmerized at the way you moved your perfect body even when he was the one so deep so deep inside you. He throws his head back and rolls his neck and you can only brace yourself for what happens next. It all happens so fast.
Soul-crushing and spine-shattering couldn’t even describe it.
The roach of the blunt remains in your hand, your eyes roll back and your mouth stays agape in pure ecstasy as Toji fastly thrusts into you. He gives you fast, hard strokes as his girth fills you up hitting all the right places. “ Do I need a nap??? Do you know who the fuck I am?” he boasts as he drives his body into yours. Between damn near finishing that blunt and the rough treatment from Toji, you were genuinely on cloud nine.
Repetitive moans left your mouth that could only be described as lewd. He leans back and smirks looking at the mess of a brat he made. His eyes find your puckering hole and he smiles to himself. He can’t even fight off the thoughts of making you his favorite bowling ball.
You on the other hand can’t even understand what this man is doing to you before his thumb is in your mouth. “wet this shit up fa me yea? Can you do that fa me baby?” he asks you with a saccharine tone. You are like putty in his hands, all cute and pliant for him. He watches you lustfully as you suck his thumb and spit on it heavily. He then uses both of his hands to spread you wide for him before spitting a glob onto the tight ring of your ass. He thumbs the hole, feeling it flutter underneath his touch practically inviting him in. He grins cockily at the visual, he already knows this is your favorite trick of his. You whimper as he swirls his thumb around the hole teasing you. He knows this is just what you need to throw you over the edge. “ you want it in your butt huh?” he looks at you once again through the mirror but you can't even meet his eyes, only moaning the word yes over and over again. He decides to have mercy on you but still doesn’t spare you the hard time. He sinks his fat thumb into your asshole and almost immediately he feels you clamping down on him.
“What a slut. You a butt slut baby?” he asks you finding your reaction too funny. Who would know his perfect girlfriend likes to have her pretty tight asshole played with. He moves his thumb around in your ass using it as a hook to fuck you deeper and you all but moan at the stimulation. “say it, say you're my dumb butt slut” he commands.
Honestly, he doesn’t need to hear this, he just wants to see how far you gone you are and he truly finds out how lost you are when you scream about how much you love when he puts his thumb in your butt proclaiming over and over again that you are in fact his stupid butt slut. He laughs to himself while doing his finishing move. He begins to move his thumb in and out of your tight hole feeling it hold onto him while his other hand moves to your clit. He starts rubbing rapid fast circles and quickly your legs buckle beneath you being caught by the counter.
Your feet are above ground as he fucks you harder and rougher. He’s really fucking you into the counter at this point and you are loving every single second of it. Pornographic is the only word that can describe the sounds coming from the bathroom and even that would be an understatement. Your vision becomes blotchy as he works your body. Your legs are close together and shaking while the ever-forming knot in your stomach gets ready to release. Even though Toji is really putting that work in, he’s coming close to his release as well. Your pretty slick cunt giving him a run for his money like always. He can feel you clenching tighter and tighter as he feels himself inside you through the tissue separating your pussy and ass and he almost cums right there. He can never understand how you take him so well, the visual of both your holes being stuffed forms a desire in his mind that can only be described as animalistic.
"you boutta cum baby?” He questions you a couple of seconds before your release but he already knows the answer. “ cum all on this dick so I can fill you up and you gotta stay inside with me forever.” his words through you over the edge as well as him suddenly pulling his thumb that was so deep in your ass out, making you squirt all over his hefty length in a loud shriek.
The visual of you squirting around him and your fluttering asshole makes his release find him earlier than anticipated as he shoots his hot thick ropes of cum inside you with the most guttural moans you had heard in a while. He stays inside you softening and then pulls out slowly, plugging you back up with his fingers. He needs to make sure it stays in. You moan at the overstimulation but you don't protest smiling hazily as he enjoys your fucked out expression.
You feel him planting gentle kisses down your back praising you for taking him so well. He then pulls his fingers out bringing them to your mouth to lick, lifts your dress back down, and puts the thong back on you despite your weak shaking legs and overfilling cunt quickly leaking through the fabric of it. He leaves for a second and you look at your disheveled appearance in the mirror. Hair and makeup all fucked up. He comes back into your field of vision holding car keys.
“ I’ll drop you off at Shoko’s place c'mon” he smirks admiring his work.
He knew damn well…
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH🦅
#toji fushigro x reader#jjk x reader#toji fushiguro#jjk men#toji fushiguro smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader
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I remember you did something kind of similar already, but I was thinking what if Vagastorm had an S/O that can or likes to carry them around sometimes? :3c
Omg I am obsessed with your art btw 😭😭 I love it so so much, it always makes me laugh!!!!
And yesss I did it here!! Which is wow a LONG time ago so I'd love to give it a go again, with a fresher opinion on them all hehehe
Vagastrom with a S/O that loves to carry them around (with pictures ?!)
Alan
He's absolutely horrified with this situation
Please put him down
Doesn't matter if you're EXTREMELY strong, he still thinks and acts as if he could hurt you even if he's not doing anything
Literally the type of guy that needs to go through exposure therapy in order to get used to the most minuscule touches
So you'll have to work hard until he allows you to carry him around sometimes
You can begin slow, after he's used to you hugging him
You can go for a hug, squeeze him tight and then finally lift him for a few seconds
He'll still be alarmed, but slowly he'll get used to your random bursts of affection that lead to you carrying him around
Once he's used to it, however, he thinks it's actually kind of relaxing
Feeling weightless for a little while in your arms is an unexpected bonus of his relationship with you
And he won't lie that it brings him great comfort that you're strong
Don't get him wrong, he still acts as if you're easily breakable
But maybe not as much... Just a little bit 🤏
Alan before he got used to being carried vs Alan after he got used to being carried
Leo
Oh he LOOOOVES it
But only when he wants it, of course
As soon as he realizes you are strong enough to carry him around, he WILL be using this opportunity to be as lazy as possible
What do you expect from the guy who is plenty capable of doing anything with his ghoul strength but still asks Alan to open cans for him 😭
You will become his little lackey whenever he wants to be carried and you will 100% like it
Some of those weird cats are going around cleaning the dorm? Get up and carry him somewhere else xox
He found a new trend on tiktok abt partners carrying each other? Come here real quick and let him film a new video for his feed thx
Now YOU want to carry him out of nowhere when he didn't ask for it??
Now that's some audacity
Be ready to either be pushed away or to have some bubblegum stuck on your face for a long time 🫶
He's like a poisonous animal, except instead of shooting out venom when he's distressed, he shoots out hazardous, life-threatening bubblegum
But hey, you should know better...
Don't pet the cat if the cat doesn't wanna be pet, duh
Leo when he doesn't want to be carried vs when he wants to be carried
Sho
He finds it extremely embarrassing
No, you don't understand. He LIKES it. And THAT'S why it's embarrassing.
When you come running towards him while he's working, hug him tight and then lift and spin him around...
And he knows he's blushing like a fucking school girl in front of all of his customers..........
Please stop 🤚
Actually, no. Don't stop. But please do that in private so he won't lose face in front of his customers.
Especially in front of that kid from Frostheim who he almost beat up. How is he going to defend his pride when he's tucked all comfortable and cute in your arms, being held high???????
Toxic masculinity aside, he loves to be carried by you
Loves to feel like you like him so much that you can't help but hold him so tight like that
He does the same to you and soon it becomes a competition of who's gonna carry who first when you two meet afterhours at his room
His favorite thing, however, is when he manages to kiss you while he's being carried
If you're going to make him all flustered like a little lovesick dumbass, then you bet he's gonna do the same to you 🫵‼️
Sho when he's screaming inside and blushing bc you're carrying him in public vs Sho when you two are alone
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A Lesson in Heartbreak
2 of 3: Words are Painful Weapons
Rating: T | Word Count: 3983 | Pairing: Azris/Reader
Summary: Eris and Azriel made promises they didn’t keep. When you confront them about it, Eris says some things he instantly regrets. Now him and Azriel have to fix what they broke.
Neapolitan Bonds Masterlist| Read on A03| Part 1| Read Below
Warnings: Angst, Eris has a sharp tongue, alcohol, drunk!Eris
A/N: HI so… yeah… I am alive. Sorry this took so long. A second shout out to @daycourtofficial for inspiration with Azriel and his comments when he comes back.
Tagging: @myromanempiree @pit-and-the-pen @lilah-asteria @thisblogisaboutabook @hieragalbatorixdottir @mybestfriendmademe @paleidiot @div94 (if you are tagged by accident or want to be tagged in the future, let me know)
“There. A letter to Tarquin and a letter to her.” Eris sent them with a flick of his wrist.
Azriel calmed enough to sit while Eris penned the letters. They needed you to come home so they could talk with you in person. Deep down, Eris was thoroughly embarrassed over the whole situation. Not only at himself but for you leaving to another court. He wondered if this was how Tamlin felt all those years ago, when Feyre ran off to the Night Court. Eris suddenly had empathy for him in retrospect.
He slumped back in his chair and sighed. He needed a stiff drink. But he wanted to be sober if you came home. Azriel sat across from him, arms crossed against his chest and brows furrowed like he did when he was deep in thought. His eyes were still rimmed in red from earlier. The Shadows were nowhere in sight.
“What?” Eris looked at his mate.
Az cut his eyes to Eris, still frowning. “I want you to tell me exactly what you said to her.”
“I’m surprised your shadows didn’t already tell you.” Eris didn’t hold back his eye roll or his sigh. “I don’t fully remember.”
Everything was a blur from earlier. When he got like that, he never remembered what he said.
“Well think fucking harder.” Eris could see Azriel’s fingers dig into his sleeves.
“She came in screaming at me about missing dinner.” It reminded him too much of his mother. The way she would yell at his father when he was a youngling. Eris tried to focus, to put that aside. “I told her the high lord meeting was more important. We were hosting, and.”
After a moment Az said, “And what, Eris”
He cursed under his breath. “I said she would understand that if she had bothered to help. Since she isn’t helping, she doesn't get to complain that we are busy. She knew what she was getting into when we mated.”
Azriel recoiled where he sat. “How could you say that to her?”
“It’s the truth, Azriel.” Eris brushed back his hair with his hand. “This is what it’s like to be mated to a High Lord. We have responsibilities. Yes, I was wrong for implying she didn’t want to help because she asked and I told her she didn’t have to. I admit that.”
Shadows came out as Az replied. “And we made promises we didn’t keep.”
“I know I did. It eats me alive that I broke them but what else am I supposed to do? It’s our first time hosting, I’ve only been High Lord for a decade and a half. She’s worked for multiple courts. She knows these things have to be perfect or others will talk.”
“That doesn’t mean we can’t take a break to have dinner with her.” Az countered.
Eris glared at him. “Do not act like you are any better. You weren’t there either.”
He winced. “You’re right. I wasn’t.” Then he glared back. “But maybe I would have been there if you let other people do their job instead of making it our problem.”
“Oh you’re going to blame me?” Eris was on his feet. “By the gods. I’m always your scapegoat because it’s easy to blame me than for you to look in a fucking mirror.”
“Eris.” A warning, as shadows built around him.
“Am I wrong?” Azriel didn’t answer. Eris and his sharp tongue kept going. “You blamed me for centuries when it came to Mor. To this court. To my father. Let’s just add this to it.” He paused. Before he could stop himself he added. “It wouldn’t even be a fucking issue if it was just us.”
Eris felt the shock through the bond from Az before he shut him out. Even the shadows recoiled from around Az.
“What are you saying?”
“I don’t have to repeat myself. We work well together,” he gestured between them, “because we know what to expect from each other. She wants so much more than either of us are capable of.”
Shadows shrunk back again. “That’s not true.”
“It is!” Then words spewed from his mouth like viper venom. “I wish Elain never told us. I wish I never let you get your fucking hopes up, looking for a third bond in every fucking fae you brought to our bed. But I love you, so I let you do it.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Azriel was on his own feet, siphons on his hands flashing. “I always got your consent, you said it was fine. You brought your own-”
Eris’s mouth ran away from him again. He didn’t raise his voice; his tone did the work for him.
“Maybe I lied. I only took other lovers so you wouldn’t feel guilty. I was just trying to make you happy because I was never enough for you. Even the Mother herself knew. She knew I wasn’t enough for you so she sent us her.”
Az looked like he’d been struck. Guilt and insecurity Eris had buried for decades laid out on full display. At that moment Eris hoped Azriel hurt just as much as he did. The silence between them was heavy and loud. It was finally Azriel who spoke, his own words sharp and stinging.
“I never asked to be mated to you. You say this is easier for me and you, but it’s only easy for you. What’s easy is loving her. It’s not my fault you’re too fucked up to know that too.”
Shadows grew thick around him and he winnowed out of the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You showered and changed into a soft seafoam colored nightgown, given to you by Samira. She was sitting by a small side table reading when you came back into the bedroom. She set her book down and got up from her seat.
“Did you tell him, Tarquin?” You asked.
In your haste to get away, you didn’t think about the implications of your actions. Namely as High Lord’s mate seeking refuge in another court. You liked Tarquin a lot. He was kind and you were so happy when Samira and him hit it off. But he was still a High Lord of another court. Samira didn’t look you in the eyes from where she had sat on the edge of the bed.
“I only told him what you told me.”
“That’s fine,” you said quickly. You got onto the bed and crawled up beside her. “I understand. If you hadn’t told him, I would have.”
“That said,” she put her hand over yours. “You’re here as my guest. Any correspondence will come directly to me unless there is a threat to the court.”
You winced and she gave you a sympathetic look. Your mates were both known for their tempers. Azriel was well known for his impulsive behavior. You prayed to the Mother that neither of them acted irrationally. A hard thing to hope knowing you sealed this room the moment you entered.
“Did you want some tea or do you want to rest for the night?”
“Tea. I need to talk if you’re willing to listen.”
“Always,” she smiled.
You grabbed a light robe and moved into the small sitting room. She waited as Samira had tea brought to the room. She fixed you a cup, and then she sat down and took her own in her hands.
“So what happened?”
You let out a heavy sigh, trying to figure out where to start.
You explained the best you could. How they both made a promise to go to dinner and neither showed. You explained how distant they’d been for months. You explained how Eris told you that dinner wasn’t as important as whatever he was working on with the upcoming summit.
“He said I knew what I was getting into when we mated. As if I’m not managing his court while his nose is stuck in itinerary lists.” You added bitterly.
She winced. “And Azriel? What did he say about all this?”
“He said he was sorry. He lost track of time. Conveniently he was silent when I asked why his shadows didn’t remind him.” You stared down at the tea in your hand. You could feel your eyes water again. “He hasn’t- he has always been more physically affectionate than Eris. Out in public, at least. But he hasn’t even-“
You stopped yourself, your face burning. Samira didn’t need to know how Az hadn’t even called you by a specific pet name in weeks. Eris even longer. And how was you supposed to explain they even stopped just casually touching you? It was childish, to be upset about something so silly. Yet thinking about it just made you cry again.
You wiped your eyes. “It just feels as if they don’t want me anymore.”
“They're your mates, of course they want you.”
“Mates doesn’t always mean love, Samira. They did just fine without me for what? Two decades? Maybe longer. Maybe they miss it just being the two of them.”
“Now you’re talking nonsense. Stop it,” she gave you a pointed look.
“What if it’s the truth?” You were so sick of crying. You sniffled and wiped your eyes. “They know each other so well. What do they need me for?”
They didn’t.
That was your whole issue. They didn’t need you. Eris and Az could practically communicate without words. They moved around each other seamlessly. Eris knew exactly how Az liked his tea. Az knew to move papers closer to the inside of the desk when Eris was on a rant, his hands moving about as he talked. Eris knew when to make the spare room without even asking Azriel if he needed it. You tried to watch, to listen. Five years and you still weren’t in tune with them.
Samira shuffled in her seat, drawing your attention back to her.
“Eris wrote a letter to Tarquin. I got it while you were bathing. It wasn’t much, just him requesting to know if you were here and if so, that you get this.” She held up an envelope with his seal on it. “I wrote back that I would handle communication and you’d be staying the night.”
She laid the letter on the table in front of you. Your chest ached, begging you to open it immediately. You shoved it down.
Samira added, “I informed him that if you want to stay longer, I can’t make you leave. Tarquin has already agreed to allow you to stay as long as you need.”
“Thank you,” you whispered and stared back down at your tea again.
“Sleep on it. You can have breakfast with us and decide what you want to do in the morning.”
You nodded. Sleep sounded nice now that the adrenaline of the evening had crashed. You drained the rest of your tea and bid Samira good night. You left the letter on the table. You’d read it in the morning.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Eris poured himself the stiffest drink he’d had in decades. The shame and embarrassment of everything was still burning in his chest. He downed his drink in one swing and poured another. Both his mates were gone. He walked over to his desk where the correspondence with summer sat. Your friend had written back instead of Tarquin. He downed his second drink.
To make things less complicated, I will be handling correspondence until this is resolved. Unless there is a threat to the court, I will not involve the high lord. I promise I will give her your letter in the morning. She was distraught when she arrived and I’ve just gotten her calmed. She’s currently bathing and I will get her some tea to help her sleep.
There was a break in the letter and she added.
She has yet to tell me what happened fully, but as her friend I am warning you both that you two better make this right. I will try to convince her to return in the morning, but she is a grown female. If she requests to stay, Tarquin has already told me she may.
Eris tossed the letter back onto the desk. He doubted once you found out Az left too that you’d come home. It’s what he deserved.
He was a fool to think he could do this- have two mates. To think he could be any better than his father. Three years mated to you and he still couldn’t control himself. Couldn’t toe the line between work and leisure. Fifteen mated to Az and he still spewed venom in his direction the moment he was cornered. And Eris finally got a taste of his own medicine when Azriel spewed it right back.
With a heavy sigh, Eris pulled out more parchment and ink. There would not be a high lord summit- not with all of this happening. He’d draft the letters and send them in the morning. If he could sleep at all, with no one sharing his bed. He went and made a third drink. He opened his bonds and see if you or Az would respond.
Still shut out. The urge to down that third drink was strong. He needed to be sober in the morning even if he didn’t want to be.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Azriel flew until his emotions settled. Eris’s foul words rung in his ears still. ‘I wish Elain never told us’ he’d said. ‘Even the mother herself knew I wasn’t enough for you so she sent her.’
His eyes watered and it wasn’t from the wind in them. There was an ache in his chest- both bonds were shut out. He and Eris fought plenty, before and after they reconciled and the bond snapped. Somehow this was still the worst. He ignored his own words that spewed like venom in response to what Eris had said.
Azriel was angry and hurt. He left- if he stayed any longer the whole Forest House may have been burned to the ground. He circled the border between Autumn and Winter. He couldn't go back, not tonight. He landed in a clearing, stretching out his wings before tucking them back in. He didn’t want to go to Valeris. He had one other option. His shadows seemed to agree, as they circled him and he winnowed.
He landed outside the wards of Rosehall. The fae lights shown through the window.
She is awake. a shadow whispered.
He thought about turning back. He didn’t want to disturb his mother, to bother her with his problems. Yet his feet carried him forward, the wards rippling around him. He tucked his wings in tight and walked to the door. He didn‘t have to knock; the wards were designed to let only few in and to notify her when someone arrived. He could hear the rush of footsteps inside and braced himself as the door opened.
“Azriel?” His mother answered the door, a navy shawl you made for her wrapped tight around her shoulders, sides shaped to accommodate her wings. “What has happened?”
”I had a fight with my mates.” He said quickly. “They’re fine; I just- I couldn’t stay.”
His mother brushed back loose hair to tuck it behind her ear. He realized her hair was half braided. She nodded, and stepped aside to let him in.
“I’m sorry, I can go.”
”Nonsense, come in. I just made tea.”
His shadows swirled past him, one or two weaving around his mother. They always loved her; probably more than him if he was honest. He stepped through the frame and looked around. He had visited two weeks ago and already things had changed. His heart skipped, looking into the sitting room. Feyre had taken to decorating his mother’s house with portraits and paintings. The one above the fireplace was of him and his mother. It was a new one on the wall to the left that wasn’t there two weeks ago that made him stop in his tracks. It was of his mother, himself, you, and Eris. From your mating ceremony, based on the clothing and how close together you all were.
“The High Lady spoils me,” his mother said from his right. “Says my house is too empty. You should see the garden painting she had mounted in the hall a few days ago. Come.”
He felt her hand grab his own. He could only grip back loosely. He didn’t realize how cold his fingers had gotten from flying. If she noticed, she didn’t say. She led him to the kitchen where a kettle sat on the stove. He sat at the small table and watched almost numbly while she gathered cups and poured the tea.
“Zemër, tell me what happened.”
Az looked down at the cup as she sat it in front of him. He wrapped his hands around it, letting the warmth ease the stiffness in his hands. If he was home, Eris would do it for him. He pushed that thought away. He took a few sips, relishing in how the warmth flowed through his chest. His mother waited patiently across from him, braiding the rest of her hair for bed.
“I said some things I shouldn’t have.” His shadows nudged him on the shoulder. “I made a promise and didn’t keep it.” She hummed and tied off her hair. His voice cracked a little when he added. “I don’t know if I can fix it.”
There was a beat of silence and his mother took a sip of her tea. “Why do you think such a thing?”
“Because she left!” He snapped. His mother flinched and shadows hissed at him for raising his voice. “I’m sorry. She left and he- we’ve been so busy and she asked for one dinner and neither of us went. Then she left. And Eris said things. So I said things back.”
He hated that hot tears fell down his cheeks. And that his mother was looking at him with pity. She reached over and took his hand, holding it tightly in her own.
“Words are painful weapons and you are the best warrior in all prythian.” That made Azriel snort and she smiled softly. “This is a fight. Not a war. You haven’t lost yet. They are your mates. You love them. If you haven’t given up your love for them, what makes you think they have so easily given up their love for you?”
She had him there. He gave her hand a squeeze, a gesture of thanks. Then a shadow swirled up his arm quickly.
We must go. He furrowed his brows. He walks to our balcony. We must stop him. We must go. Go.
“Shit.” Azriel winced at himself. He hated cursing in front of his mother. “Mama, I have to go. Thank you. For the tea.”
She watched him stand, not letting go of his hand. “Be careful, my love.”
Despite the tugging of the shadows he gave his mother a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll see you in two weeks. I promise.���
She nodded and he winnowed away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
At some point, Eris wasn’t sure when; he grabbed the whole bottle instead of pouring himself a glass. He couldn’t sleep. Not alone, with his thoughts and past memories hovering around the edges of the bed. They we’re waiting in the dark to grip him when he was most vulnerable. So instead he drank. Drank to numb the emptiness like he used to in the days before.
One minute he was in his chambers and the next he was stumbling up stairs. There were several balconies in the forest house but there was only one nearest to the roof. He built it for Azriel. It had no railings, just a place for him to take off when he went flying. Az swore he didn’t need it; but he still used it. In Eris’s mind, Az would use the balcony when he came back home.
Because he had to come home. You both had to come home. Eris didn’t think he could bear it if you didn’t. It took him a moment when he reached the door to focus enough to grab the handle. Gods, he hadn’t been this drunk since his youth. Pushing into the room, it was bare- save the single old couch, rug, and unlit fireplace. His gaze fixated on the double glass doors that led to the balcony. If he could just get out there, he could wait.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Eris nearly fell over, balance upended by Az’s voice behind him. He grabbed Eris by his shirt to pull him steady. Shadows that had been absent swirled in his vision, grazing his hair and neck as if checking him over. It took a moment for the world to stop spinning and his focus fixated on the male before him.
“You came back,” Eris whispered.
“Of course I did.” Azriel’s nose crinkled at Eris’ breath. “You're drunk.”
“Can’t sleep.” He felt his eyes water. He reached for Azriel’s shoulder but Az held him in place. “I’m sorry. I'm so sorry.”
“Look at me,” Az’s hands were cold as they cradled Eris’ face, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “I’m sorry too.”
“Your hands are cold.” He muttered, his own reaching up to cover them. He wasn’t sober enough to focus his magic like he wanted to.
“They are.” Az gave him a soft smile. “I’ll live.”
Eris frowned. “Why did you come back?”
To Azriel’s credit, he didn’t seem shocked at the question.
“I came back because I love you.” And Azriel meant it.
“But you said-“
“I said it’s not easy.” He paused for a moment. “It’s not easy but I choose you. I will always choose you. Because I love you.”
There was silence between them for a moment.
“She’s not coming back.”
Az grimaced. “Eris, it’s late. She’s safe in Summer and probably sleeping. Like we both should be.”
“But I need her here.” Eris could hardly bear it. He needed you back. He needed to apologize. “Can’t we go get her?”
“So you want to start a war with Summer?” Az’s face was serious but there was a tilt in his voice.
“You’re laughing at me.” Eris replied solemnly.
“You’re drunk. It’s hard not to.” He sighed, his wings slumping and shadows buzzing about them. “Let’s go to bed and sleep this off.”
Eris was silent but seemed to concede. Az guided him out the room and back to their chambers. He would have winnowed if Eris hadn’t been so inebriated. He really didn’t feel like cleaning up vomit.
“You’re too good to me,” Eris muttered as they made their way down the hall.
Az tightened his arm around him. “I could argue the same.”
More silence passed. “Do you think she’ll come back?”
Azriel didn’t reply. He could only hope. His shadows whispered as much as he helped Eris undress in their chamber and get him to bed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Summer, you tossed and turned. The air was too warm even with the cool magical breeze that floated through the open windows. The bed was too small. Too empty. You finally cast a spell on your blanket and pillows, making them colder. How funny you’d gotten used to Autumn's colder climate.
The spell worked too well. You were suddenly too cold, too cold without Eris and Az’s body heat to keep you warm. Tears fell on your pillow. They were probably sleeping fine without you. Your mind went to the letter you left in the other room. You were too afraid to open it. They probably only wanted you home until after the High Lords’ meeting. Or maybe they never wanted you to come back. You pulled the blanket tight around yourself. Whatever the letter said could wait until morning.
You sighed and tried to go to sleep.
Part 3
#neapolitan bonds#eris vanserra#acotar#azriel#azriel/eris/reader#reader x Azris#part 2#a lesson in heartbreak
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When I was a child, among the many ways the world was weird is how many cartoons were based on things that were not for children. Now, you could argue this set up a long cultural downward trend because those children grew up thinking everything should be for them and now instead we take things meant for children and make them for adults and as much as I love Optimus Prime with my entire being I am not sure this is a good thing for any of us. Do I like having a very expensive version of a childhood hero that I can turn into a truck and then back? Yes. Would I give that up for a better world? Yeah. All that said, this is getting dark it isn't really the point of this because when I was thinking about the fact that there were Alien action figures meant for children or a Rambo cartoon (which is wild if you actually watch Rambo it's a touching movie about PTSD and a suicidal man who can't deal with life after war) and I tried to think of what would be the funniest, most ill advised movie of this current era to turn into a kid's cartoon and make action figure for. The struggle is there are far fewer movies that are just for adults rather than you know… movies meant for the "whole family" but of course that means man children and their actual children I guess (guys, I am pretty negative on men at the moment. If this triggers you I'm not really sorry, you know what you did, I have seen the demographics, it's unacceptable). Anyway, after some thought and a little time on Oppenheimer I instead decided the answer is Challengers. Every time I tried to imagine it as a kid's cartoon it made me laugh but I think it would work as your basic Scooby Doo knock off. If you don't know, the 70's were littered with those, a group of young people of ill defined age who need an excuse to travel around the country so every week they are in a different location for a new adventure. Sometimes they race dune buggies, sometimes they are a rock band, sometimes they have a talking shark or a ghost of a founding father. Either way, it's baked in, they travel from place to place to play tennis and most of it would be about who is going to win the big match and I assume subtext about how they want to fuck and will they fuck. You might say that's a bit much for a children's cartoon but RoboCop was a cartoon and that's all about a dystopian future run by corporations where life is meaningless and they are looking to make workers with human brains and no rights. Anyway, that's why Zendaya is here cause of Challengers. She wouldn't voice herself in the cartoon, she's too famous for that but there is no cartoon yet so she's here. Today I want to fuck Zendaya.
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Only Fools Rush In: Meet the Boys
#i am fucking around instead of doing a work thing :)#wish i could only make these and someone else will write the story :(#don't ask me shit like their age gap and eye colour because it's literally irrelevant to the story and so you make up whatever you want#also i was going to do character cards for the side characters but there's like 2 people send help#also these character songs AHHHHH i loveeeeee#only fools rush in#ofri#malec#malec fics#my fics
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wait, that elias?
#huge shoutout to @sepezzz elias design this is very much inspired by it. go look at it#im so serious if i never draw another person manspreading in a fucking office chair it’ll be TOO SOON#anyways.#the juxtaposition truly is crazy hahaaha right people change in the weirdest of ways#i like thinking about how they both present themselves. elias understands he works at Important Academic Research Facility so he still#sooort of tries to look somewhat official. but well he also gets away with what he can#he has that vibe of Yeah i work here and im kind of important but i’m chill. i know how to chill#meanwhile that other freak is just like i am going to make this body look presentable or so help me god.#he’s the Head of the Institute he can no longer have whimsy okay. and listen it’s not because i think jonah is that boring and would#dislike piercings and funny socks or whatever. i think he’d like those. but see he needs to make this believable that elias truly has#changed okay. and also like i said he is the Head of the Institute he needs to look Super Normal And Unremarkable#anyways i think it’s funny how elias’ whole thing is that he tries to distance himself from his family image and tries really hard to Not#end up like a rich asshole. and then. well.#(looks around) So i think about this man a normal amount.#i could write like 20 thinkpieces on both of them but instead they’re gonna make me do college essays about like language and shit.#myart#the magnus archives#tma#elias bouchard#oh my god it is actually un fucking believable how much i think about him every day#if this becomes a daily elias blog yall will just have to deal
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oh pallas and agnes power dynamic you really are SO unbelievably fucked,,,,,
#haven’t been able to write in days so i am posting instead. forgive me.#it’s just so. like. okay pallas has all of the material power here that’s not a question they’ve got much stronger magic they#know how the library works they’re directly placed in a mentorship role at the beginning re agnes she depends on them#for everything.#but also#pallas is very much Not Doing Well mentally (<- understatement of the century) and is pathologically incapable of processing their own#emotions related to this AT ALL. and in the process of trying very very hard to get to Know pallas (so pallas will Like her so pallas will#want to keep her alive) agnes kind of comes to understand a lot of pallas’s issues even better than pallas does and pallas starts to depend#on her for emotional support in a way they NEVER have with anyone else.#and pallas’s ability to show vulnerability has been soooo wrecked beyond belief that to them doing things like sharing part#of their backstory and being visibily hurt around someone is tantamount to placing a knife in someone’s hand and#then circling all of their weak points with a giant red marker while going ‘HEY STAB HERE’#so in their mind by doing this they’re giving agnes an IMMENSE amount of power over them like enough to kill them dead even though very#little else has changed about their dynamic. so pallas believes that they’re standing on much more equal ground then they really are#and agnes partly believes it too she thinks that by seeing this much of how broken down pallas is she’s finally found the balance in their#relationship she’s finally found a way to make it stable. and yeah. to some extent this is true!#pallas DOES listen to agnes more than any other person agnes IS the first person in years to understand them this much pallas’s dependence#on her for their mental wellbeing DOES give her some measure of power over them. but that power is given out on pallas’s terms is the thing#whether they’re aware of that or not. agnes wouldn’t have anything if pallas didn’t actively choose to be vulnerable with her there’d be#no way she’d learn about anything no way she’d get to play this role in their life#they believe that this thing is much more equal much more sustainable than it really is (pallas especially) and they’re#literally all each other have#grabs your face are you listening THEYRE ALL EACH OTHER HAVE IN THIS PLACE THEYRE BOTH IN SUCH HORRIFIC SITUATIONS AND THEY R EATING#EACHOTGER TO SURVIVE!!!!#head in fucking hands#wip: ghost story#pallas and agnes
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yall Im so fucking tired. This month has been exhausting. I promise Im alive, just barely functional atm.
#personal#rant below#begining of the month docs said dad had less than a month. Hes still around but declining#been taking care of him and my mom#along with working full time#and my boyfriend doing his damndest to keep me busy when Im not helping with dad#which is great except Im so tired#but also I havent been able to sleep much#and I've lost my appetite which apparently is a grief thing I didn't know about#So I've managed to get all the physical grief symptoms and it is taking a fucking toll#so your girl is sleeping in tomorrow and spending the day doing my own little crafts and avoiding people as much as I can#a girl just wants some sleep and a fulfilling snack but all she is being given are slight naps and unappealing food. send help.#anyways after this experience Ive decided that I no longer give any fucks because you only live once so Im just gonna do what I want foreve#and actually live life instead of being constrained by societal standards#after all this is over of course. gotta take care of dad first#also I got to paint the door because he was sick of staring at the porch. so its a lake view now#woooo#yeah so thats my life update for you all#also I saw a girl for the first time in 9 years today who completely changed the tradgetory of my life and didn't know it. so that was fun.#exhausing but fun#also idgaf about spelling right now I am running on caffeine and pure will power atm
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ough brain is doing SO bad but sometimes. there are colors
#bakuspeech#WIP#cw: gore#the stuffed animal cartoon kind. but still#ask to tag#Im so fucking sorry I keep going like I will draw! (does not draw for three weeks#I. ngl Somethin is goin on up there. I finished writing a Thing and it doesnt solve that#I just. this is my capacitance really I think. I just gotta. accept it. work with it#its always so funny tho bc like I look at whatever it is Im drawing rn and its like hey this looks like shit! this looks ass#and then I keep drawing it.#like this piece is at Least two weeks into something thats supposed to be a pretty quick revised illus for#an old wizard leon design. and like if I werent Bit Off it wouldve stayed that way#instead. this is how its goin#I have not slept for 23 hours. I should uh. fix that#but yeah its just. my brain is wrappin itself around some new ideas n concepts n shit rn#like. I was really afraid I wouldnt be able to paint digitally if Im not on the screen tablet#and its kinda fuckin with me? like obviously I can. I am literally doing the exact same things Im doing on the screen tablet#but now on a graphic tablet#thats just. not getting thru to my brain yet. for some reason. its still generating goo n such#well! what is a guy to do. if not blastin off regardless#sorry. I really should sleep now#have a good night lads! this piece will be done when its done. I am NOT saying more I am not jinxing SHIT#u should change ur pillowcases! it really does send u to another realm
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This was originally going to be my gift for the Pale Static Exchange, but as I wrote the intro chapter (2000 words, because it's me) I realised that if I was going to throw my axe into this ring then I want to set the time aside to do it justice.
Anyway, guess what I'm writing.
#I've had my own ideas about the swap AU for a long time but there's so many wonderful interpretations out there already I was like#'does anyone REALLY need to see this done again???' but whatever. i get to do my favourite thing (fuck around with formatting)#i am still working on DUCKLINGS i actually finished the next past chapter lmao need to write the one before#and i already know what im writing for my giftee instead of this and on god it's gonna be under 10k... 20k at a push#breakthrough imminent: post of mine
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They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands
#3rd month of taking antidepressants and knowing that There Is something majorly fucked up within me#i feel like im becoming normal bit by bit but also now my other problems become my aparent to me#i started to notice i have this childlike simplistic attitude towards wonder and relationships but also at the same time i understand the#severity of troubles around me on the level of burned out adult#but also it takes me from a week to several years to realize what people meant#and yet sometimes i get everything clearly#there are still ways to go#i still have to find a therapist#cuz psych diagnosed me with BPD; geberal anxiety disorder and ADHD and said i have autism signs that could explain the development of BPD#but all he can do is medical treatment which is not the kind you need for BPD and autism#im not saying you can treat autism but yeah he meant i need a psychotherapist for these instead of psychiatrist#i hope i can complete this mental health journey bcuz i feel like i finally got hit with all the weight of burnout i had all these years#i did some creative work in the august/early september but rn its all touching grass in real world and playing games#like i cook i help my family with chores i play fortnite i clean up my room i go out at 1am to look at the stars#all of my own volition without feeling like i need to push myself to do this#I'm scared that making art is not one of those things#i often have a thought that maybe art isnt really for me and in a perfect world i wouldnt do it#but then why am i so good at it#like...#petrotalk
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Doing one of the scariest things an artist can do (draw a tree)
#i'm having like. war flashbacks. to a piece i just irrecoverably fucked up at least a year ago.#that just absolutely obliterated my confidence as an artist. like i feel like i did not recover from that for a long time#to be fair there were more complicated things going on in that one that were above my skill level i think#and that was when i was trying exclusively water colors too (which is. a choice. for a fuck around/find out artist)#but esp reffing heikala's work again like..... ah... it is taking me back. and i am so scared.#i feel like that piece is maybe two years old actually.#either way it was an incredibly significant deceptively personal piece and this one. is also very much that in a way.#it is going to be extremely devastating if i fuck this up.#to my credit. i do feel like i've grown a lot as an artist since then. a lot of things feel more.. doable?#like instead of being above my skill level it feels more like a challenge.#like i'm also gonna have to do some funky lighting in this piece too... it'll be interesting to see how i can do that#w how i've gotten used to using v specific pencils in a v specific way. it does feel doable. just challenging#mostly i'm just scared of trees.
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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kind of frustrating that people took "fat does not equal unhealthy" to mean "fat is not unhealthy." sometimes being obese IS unhealthy & excess fat can cause a lot of problems. ignoring health issues isn't progressive. real "oranges kill people with depression" moment
#i have a lot to say but i think it all boils down to this:#the only reason people think this way is because they experienced body shaming & bullying for their fatness#& instead of gaining a healthy relationship with their body & its needs they went full denial mode#people that aren't fat that think this way are just going with things uncritically which is also bad btw#because when you have decades of proof that being severely overweight can be detrimental to your health#(& no i don't mean fucking. supersize me. i mean medical proof that too much fat causes diseases & early death)#but you're ignoring that because a tiktok influencer that has no medical experience said so#that is a huge lack of critical thinking skills on display & people are gonna listen to that misinformation & some might die#this isn't some light shit that can be waved off as non-harmful because it IS harmful! it is actively hurting people!!#again being unhealthy isn't a moral failing & no one deserves shit for that!! but that's the whole damn point isn't it!!!#militant fat activists are so afraid of their fatness being associated with anything negative they turn right around into ableism#they don't WANT to be considered disabled! because being disabled IS a moral failing to them. disability is abnormal#& of course being morbidly obese is totally normal. because if it wasn't then they'd need to do work & handle an ED#& that's too much to grapple with mentally so. no. they're normal. super normal. don't look at the lifespan of someone over 300lb#btw i am 100% aware that a lot of this is combined with other issues like racism sexism homo/transphobia genuine fatphobia#but also sometimes they really can't operate on someone that can't recover afterwards#like i wouldn't call the vet bigoted & cat-hating for being unable to operate on my 20yo cat#Minnie would simply not survive that. because she is so damn old#unfortunately for Minnie she can't get younger but people CAN lose weight in multiple different ways#& it may seem like the world is attacking you but you really have to train yourself out of automatic bad faith reactions#''you couldn't possibly understand!!'' yeah okay i'm sooo abled & privileged you got me there (<-sarcasm. if you couldn't tell)#just because someone hasn't experienced your EXACT thing doesn't mean they can't relate & haven't gone through similar#it's so difficult to train your brain out of that shit i get that but you really really really have to. or you will die#or at least be miserable#DISCLAIMER: i'm not talking about every person who has even a little fat on their body. fat is NEEDED#but like all things too much of a good thing can cause problems & fat is not exempt#this is about morbid obesity. not someone who's like 160lb that shit is normal#& people need to stop thinking anything over 110lb is fat#because it isn't & i think most people are getting into unhealthy territory at that low of a weight#basically i view being too fat the same as being too thin. they both cause health problems & should be taken seriously
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