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soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart
sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers
and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure
the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they wouldāve been written in spanish
soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down
he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill
we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan
he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost
he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and itās in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; itās not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them
he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted
he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much
#i cant believe i never posted the soap meta that got me twitter famousā¢ļøš
#as with damn near every piece of characterisation in this franchise soaps is only apparent in subtext and connecting tiny little dots#it is very easy to just pick up his surface personality and think thats all he is#but soaps not a sunshine character#hes not super friendly or bright#hes just willing to talk to people and hes paired up with ghost who never wants to start a conversation#every time i see soap presented as this bubbly airhead thats super sweet and just blows stuff up i lose a year off my life#and i dont blame people for getting this vibe from him but im begging you to look a lil deeper#this isnt getting into his anger or the fact that he is a soldier which automatically makes him a wee bit fucked up#like he is hyperviolent and takes joy in it#we all know ghosts snuff film joke but soaps the one who responds positively to it#he returns the joke and only calls him out on it when he says he wont watch it more than once and even then its teasing not grossed out#and if we take the āhe tried to join the military at 16ā factoid from 09 as current canon then he very easily could have a rough home life#no one tries to repeatedly join the military early without having some kind of problems#soap knows his worth and his abilities you dont get to be as good and specialised as he is without being completely sure of yourself#we know ghost has an ego but soap constantly butts up against it with his own affirmations#āyou wanna be better than me johnnyā āmaybe i already am/i will beā āa little helps not so bad eh ltā#being a sniper makes me hate the ācant sit stillā hc hes literally an sas sniper he wouldnt be complaining after a few hours of overwatch#i like the adhd hc and maybe he fidgets in his day to day life but the second hes at work hes At Work#tldr soap could be just as complex a character as ghost if cod would stop treating their campaigns as an afterthought and actually commit#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#weāre a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#john soap mactavish#soap cod#cod mw2#soapghost#save post#call of duty modern warfare#cod meta
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I (partially) finished my bookcloth dustjacket designs for the first two BBC Merlin books!
(if folks want, once I finish all the designs, I can make a how-to post for making these for your own merlin books)
Symbols:
For The Dragon's Call, the top two are supposed to look like two sides of an old style coin that was stamped with the symbols that appear on Excalibur in the show. The bottom two are chains in reference to Kilgharrah (and something something the chains of destiny and knowing how it "should be" or smthing...)
Valiant was a little harder, not as much to pull from. So it gets crossed swords for the tournament that's taking place, with the dog statue's head as the bottom symbols.
#I still have to figure out what design I want for the spines (currently thinking of doing a connecting skyline of the castle)#but I do quite like how these came out!#the new HTV is sooo pretty#however it is still a beast i am learning to tame#as you can see by the bare spots on the dragon's call book#tho I quite think it adds to it#makes it look worn and aged and all that#merlin#bbc merlin#bookbinding#kinda-ish#my art
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my brain is fried from looking up synonyms and proper words to describe experiencing all kinds of pleasure the penacony style. should i maybe give up and simply use sparkling, glittering, shimmering, dazzling and such in every other sentence lol
#ātalking.#working on that penacony october fic but i am SO out of creative juices that i cannot get past writing little excerpts#and then struggling with connecting them#i still think that this one should be easier to get thru than the capitano fic but I MUST TELL MYSELF to focus on smut#(i will definitely not focus on smut by the look of my current notes)
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Do you guys know how insane it is that Rody is biphobic and bi just casually in this story. Like imagine if there was less cannibalism (boo) and the whole game was just Rody fighting his bisexual demons.
(actually he probably kinda lowkey was with how much his mind strays back to Manon when speaking to Vincent, though he's also perhaps that down bad. But still, you know how people will subconsciously play up their opposite gender attraction when trying to fight the same sex attraction thoughts)
#dead plate#limon.txt#im actually currently working on a short analysis on the themes of queerness in relation to symbolism and the story in general.#bc sometimes i just say shit. im not smart i am connecting the dots on a white board w/ sharpie#tho i've been meaning to do a replay soon. or delve through the creator's pages more bc i want to give a closer look into manon#i dont think manon is perfect in the way fandoms often make the female characters which just makes them one dimensional. and isnt actually#girl win at all. but i dont think she's inherently like evil or something to be tossed to the side bc she very much haunts the narrative#she lives in the echoes of the game honestly. and she's also her own flawed person like the other characters.#which is why i find it so hard to do what if scenarios bc you can't have the story without manon haunting the narrative. you can't have-#rody getting a job and vince also taking an interest w/o rody's sob story about manon. like do you guys get-
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They need to make a physical media release of DHMIS,,,because I love DHMIS really but it's a pain to have to set up my computer to the HDMI and the E4 app to watch it because I like watching stuff on my TV but like..aughh. I have a PS3 I can play DVD's and Blu-Ray's it's so much easier!
#Honestly thinking of burning them myself....I was about to say I'd have to get a DVD burner but I do have#An old compaq presario laying around which has an optical drive on it#Idk if it'd still work for burning disks and stuff but I know it at least still reads them#It is running on like. windows xp tho and not connected to the internet so I'd have to download them to my usb and then try it from there#I would have to get blank disks tho ehe....#look I would be watching this thing a lot more than I am currently if it was easier.#when it first came out I had a fucking. chromecast so I could just cast it. but I don't anymore -o-#aughhh#DHMIS#dont hug me im scared#Android.txt
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anyway. remember that the ppl who make the art and fics you enjoy really do love recognition. knowing someone enjoyed your work gives us life.
but also. remember that you don't have to comment. don't feel guilty if you can't, or won't. don't let those posts guilt-trip you. saying "it's YOUR fault if I don't get enough comments and stop making stuff" is so horribly manipulative.
art does NOT exist only when someone else perceives it. art is art the second the artist creates. the artist perceives it.
you are not obligated to anyone. comment and engage when you can, when you want to. human connection is soured when it's done out of fear and not sincerity.
and to my fellow artists: if you abandon something because you aren't getting the recognition you want, I whole-heartedly want you to ask why you're making art. it should be, first and foremost, for you. make it fun for you, because you deserve that. the amount of recognition you get can increase the fun, but a lack should never decrease it.
no one is responsible for the art you make besides you.
#i am NOT a fan of the tone in the posts currently going around#please. make stuff for yourself#then everything that comes after is just an additional bonus#if you crave human connection and your art isn't providing that maybe look for other ways to connect#don't take it out on others and insist they're the reason you're so unhappy
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Misc. photos from the past year or so ~
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow#2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze#in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol#3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0#4. CHILDREN.... love to see them.....#5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol#I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets#at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah#actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol#6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other#yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern#But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's#like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that#long.#7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something..#probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one#maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas#are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry#and vastly anemic... huzzah to them...#8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had#an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own#long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt'#or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on#it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... !#photo diary
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i feel like a lot of people ignore the fact that in a lot of places, bicycling just. cannot be done for half the year, & that's why public transport being good is important. i cannot bike in 5 feet of snow & ice or in 40c heat. i can't even walk in that, unless i have the energy to snowshoe or a bucket of ice water to chug.
"but I can do it!" good for you. unfortunately i live in Berk (snowing for 9 months of the year & hailing the other 3) & cannot unless i want to die. also disabled people exist. & children. & people who live in a place where everything is no closer than 30 minutes away, & 30 minutes in -30c can kill you if you can't afford a good pair of boots & a good coat. i may have bike paths but the river floods past them every year. what do i do then? bike on the highway?? just let me take the train
#people who live in places where the weather is always nice (aka not trying to kill you 75% of the time): you are an outlier#where i live the temperatures range from -30c to +35c give or take. snow hail thunderstorms tornadoes all that shit too#''biking is so fun! even when it's raining!'' dude ima be real with you. it is ice raining. i do not want to be coated in wet ice#do you know what snowmelt is? it's where all the snow melts in the spring & then fucking floods everything#it's freezing dirty water & it kills people because people always underestimate The River#i am not riding my bike through that. it's always colder & deeper than you think & there is always a current even if you can't see it#''but it's not like it's the ocean'' dude. water aint fucking around salt or no#you may look at The River & think ''that's just a lake. seems calm & nice'' but you'd be wrong & you would die from your foolishness#this shit is connected to the Great Lakes. those fuckers are fresh water seas. i do not fuck with that#it's great you live in a place where biking all year round is feasible. but i cannot do that even if i wanted to#''but what if the weather's been nice lately'' then you'd be falling for fool's spring#where it looks like it's getting warmer & then the temperature drops & it snows a whole bunch again#& then it warms up & then it snows again. repeat until like May#we just want good public transport okay i get that exercise is good but i'd rather not risk my extremities for it thank you
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May I share a small idea?
You could use the poll as some sort of list for some future WIP Wednesdays. The most popular choice is first and then the next in line comes on the next Wednesday when you got the time and so on.
It could save you plenty of time to prepare something and may lessen the pressure a little!
Obviously itās up to you but Iām leaving the suggestion here for you to think about.
Hope youāre having a good time and remember to stay hydrated and take care of yourself~!
Oh this is a fantastic idea!! I think I will do this!! (Though I am hoping at least three of the options on there will be going up within the next several weeks, all of them are so so close to completion!!)
I will do this though!! Thank you very much for the suggestion friend, itās a great idea!!
#i think I realize now why itās taking so long to get all my fics out and why WIPs keep getting backed up#I have been going back and rewriting the initial chapters of HFBE#my earlier work is not my current writing style#and I know that is obvious#but I will flat out say itās different because my earlier work was lazier#I remember telling myself all the time not to stress about my writing so much because with Uni I did not have the time to do that#so Iād post work even if I wasnāt happy with how it was#otherwise Iād never get any work out#but now I look at my current writing#and I feel like at least itās more coherent#and more thought and work is put into it#and I am more proud of my current writing than my earlier writing by a longshot#but thatās coming at the price of almost paralyzing scrutiny#as itās holding me up from posting#Iāve leaned a little too far into it#and Iāve begun to find a balance where I can move on while still criticizing my own writing and adjusting it a little better#work has been moving more consistently again on them#so Iām expecting that when I do finish my WIPs for posting#itās going to be a lot at once#(does not help that so many of these fics are all tied to each other and I want to post all the connecting fics in between larger chapters#of my multi-chapter fics#haha)
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šŖš„
#out of sight out of mind....#im not gonna check his blogs every day from here on out#and i hid/archived our chat so i dont have to see it when i open the messaging app#i do have some kind of 'fomo' lol bc i dont wanna miss out on any potential glimpse into his mind or days#esp now when he doesnt tell me anything anymore. idk anything abt what goes on with him#but .. i am allowing and letting him control my life#i obsessively check my phone and refresh his blogs ALL day#it's extremely unhealthy and pathetic and i know this#it's just hard to stop bc i genuinely... love him sm#plus he told me he wanted me for real so he made me not only dream of a life i thought wasnt possible for me#but also WANT it. i only want him and to live with him and be his. that's all i want but he just cut me off out of nowhere lol#and im still hung up on it... i dont want my boring reality. current nor future. i just want the reality where im with him which he made me#think was smth i could have one day soon.#but anyway. if his feelings changed that's how it is. it's not even his fault it's just how things work in life#even if i dont want to accept it i have to. i cant keep living in this limbo. i try to talk to him but he's a wall so that's a No.#so i cant let him control my life and waste away all my days on him#i need to stop checking his blogs and our chat. that's the first step#im still gonna allow myself to think of him and daydream and fantasize. but that will have to stop soon too#then i have to focus on doing my assignments and read books and go to the gym#things that will help me get realistically where i want in my current reality#i want to finish highschool and then apply for a preschool or library program#and hopefully the plan is to get a student housing apartment so i can move out finally and live on my own and study#then when i finish i'll look for a job as either of those things. and a place to live (which is super fkn hard in these modern chaos times)#even if i have to live my life all alone... i want to be as comfortable as i can at least#i can live in my own row house and have pets and work and read and play games and watch shows#and see and talk to my mom#i mean hopefullyyyy i'll be able to try to make at least some shallow connections so i have ppl to hang out with#i can always hope to meet someone who'll fall in love with me but im not counting on it#ugh.. bc as it is now#i dont do ANYTHING but be on my phone
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many thoughts in my head
#thinking about how everyone assumes i am fresh out of high school when i am nearly 30#and the fact that i can't really connect w any of my classmates bc they're so much younger than me#most of the ppl my age (and younger) are faculty but i can't really connect w them either since i'm a student#and i don't really want to connect w any of them anyways since none of them wear a mask#feeling v directionless i went back to college bc i was sick of working low paying garbage dead end jobs#but i still don't know what i want to do#and i know most ppl change majors multiple times and i have plenty of time#but in my new student class for all of the assignments lately i have to choose but i still have no idea so it's v discouraging#the more i look into my options the more i am like i don't want to do any of these actually#or i don't feel capable/it would take too long#today is day 3 of my new job on campus is v laid back and only 13 hours a week but i still feel like i have such little time now#i am tired and lonely#also feeling p bad about my appearance i keep feeling like i wish i was still cute#but i also thought this years ago and i am sure i will think the same thing about my current self in a few years#sigh
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starting to realise i actually donāt really like being called gay even by friends
#itās not really bc of negative association#although obviously iāve heard it used as an insult more times than i can count#i guess i technically fit the definition as i am a girl who (theoretically) likes girls in a way#and if itās being used as an umbrella term i definitely technically fit#iāve just never felt a connection with the word#the reason for that felt more obvious when i identified as aroace. iām not really sure why itās stayed#iām not really sure what my point here is either#i donāt think there actually is a point#look iām using my blog for its intended purpose#a rare occurrence#if iām talking differently to how i usually talk itās because iāve just watched a naked civil servant (1975) and movies tend to#the naked civil servant*#infect my mannerisms for a few hours after iāve watched them#currently im hearing everything i read in john hurtās impression of quentin crisp#pluto talks#q
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...
#so like#this has been bothering me for years now and i have to get it out now#but i don't want it to really be /out/ there so im just gonna ramble in the tags for a sec#but im so confused as to how ppl will look at my art style and ask me#hey can you do me a commission in [insert style that is a complete 180 from what i draw]?#and i just sit there thinking to myself#where did you get this connection from?#why do you think i'm capable of pulling off this style when i have posted nothing that would even remotely resemble the style that you want#are other artists just better than i am?#am i missing something? should i be able to draw like that despite my love for my current style?#i want to be angry but i know i cant be bc i don't have all of the info#well maybe angry is a bit much more like upset#bc it pulls my confidence down into the gutter#AND ITS ALWAYS LIKE THAT#everybody thats seen my art is always like hey can you draw something cuter/simpler/more like this style#and i just have to sit there and stew in my own depression bc no??? i literally cannot???? why would you ask me this????#idk im giving up on being a marketable artist#im just gonna sit here and draw my stuff#im not too pressed to publish anything anymore bc its just not what ppl like#and im starting to become ok with that#but man it sucks bc i like sharing ideas#but interaction is next to nothing so i feel like im just wasting time#this isn't directed at anyone specific just me pointing out the patterns of my life from grade school to adulthood#tag rambling#i had to get it out im sorry its just been getting too much lately and cant keep shit in anymore#so fuck it lol
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Iām going to go the second one because I believe thereās a difference between āa robot could do this jobā and āa robot SHOULD do this jobā. Even in a world where robots can emulate almost any human behaviour or skill.
(Content warning: I discuss some pretty heavy hypotheticals relating to medical abuse, eugenics, racism and ableism)
You know the rule that āa computer can never be held accountable. Therefore a robot should never make a management decisionā Well, these days, people do delegate management decisions to robots. But the robot lacks human values and understanding of nuance. It is still impacted by biases, sometimes to an even greater extent than a human. And our understanding of bias, equality and equity is constantly evolving and is driven by human values. If you take humans out of the equation, who is checking the AI for biases and reasonable behaviour? Another AI?
Look at politics. Like it or not, a sufficiently powerful politician is going to have to make difficult decisions that will ultimately impact who lives and who dies (decisions on health, war, crime and the justice system, etc.) And a robot politician is going to face the same problems. An AI politician programmed with the objective of letting nobody die is going to fail horribly, since such a thing is likely impossible, even for the most advanced AI of the distant future. So, it will always have to act on the logic that a certain number of humans may die as a consequence of its actions, but that it should keep that number as low as possible using the information that it is given.
An AI is going to boil this down to a system of logic. If the goal is to use the available resources to minimise the number of lives lost, and no human life is inherently more valuable than any other, then it is going to spend the bulk of its resources on areas where it will have the greatest impact and save the greatest number of lives.
Now that sounds good on paper, doesnāt it? But there is a problem: if you reduce the issues down to a multiple choice game, it allows no space for inspiration, creativity, and nuanced discussion of ethics.
if you gave our robo-politician the trolley problem, it would quickly tell you that pulling the lever was the correct option as it minimises the number of lives lost. Okay, you might think. Sounds reasonable. Lots of humans who engage with the problem reach the same conclusion.
But the thing is, the robo-politician will pull that lever again and again and again without ever considering that perhaps itās possible to change the system so that there arenāt so many people stuck on the tracks in the path of an oncoming train in the first place. If the robo-politician already thinks it has enough information to solve the problem, it wonāt seek new information. It wonāt try to come up with a better system. It will always be a two-choice logic problem that it already has an adequate solution to.
Itās theoretically possible that a robot politician might actually do an adequate job (at least compared to some human politicians) simply by playing this numbers game and emulating actions of past politicians that have produced good results before.
BUT
If you want meaningful systemic change driven by new ideas, you need human involvement. AIās ability to at least simulate creativity probably will improve in the coming years, but balancing the new AI-generated solutions with a respect for human values and quality of life is a very complex thing.
Furthermore, thereās a need for nuance that AI may not ever be able to fully grasp. If the goal is only to minimise number of lives lost, in the most economically viable way, you could wind up with dystopian scenarios like the following:
āWe want to reduce the number of people who die when receiving medical treatment. Therefore, euthanasia/medically assisted dying is now illegal, because that results in human deathsā (ignoring human bodily autonomy and quality of life needs)
Or conversely, āKeeping some disabled and chronically ill people alive takes resources that could be used for other purposes. Therefore, it makes economic sense to euthanise some of the higher-care needs patients so that those resources can be used to save other lives at a more cost-effective rate.ā (Horrendously ableist)
āWe want medical resources and funding to go where they will help the most people. No human life is inherently worth more or less than any other. This country has a lot more white people than black people. Therefore, it makes economic sense to focus funding, research, and training of future medical practitioners primarily on the care and treatment of white patientsā (Perpetuating or even amplifying existing societal inequalities, dismissing helping minorities as not economically viable)
āWe want to reduce the number of people affected by serious health conditions, which puts a drain on medical resources and reduces the number of lives we can save. Therefore, people who carry genes for certain conditions will be deterred or outright prevented from reproducingā (again, horrendously ableist and robs people of bodily autonomy)
āWe want to reduce deaths from vehicle and other types of accidents that occur primarily outside the home. Therefore, there are now stricter regulations regarding when humans should be allowed to leave their homes.ā (Authoritarian police state).
(Note: The intent here is not to imply that dedicating resources to vulnerable minorities is āobjectivelyā illogical or wasteful. The point is that logic is only as good as the goals and principles behind it, and having overly simplistic success criteria without strong ethical considerations will result in those vulnerable groups suffering further mistreatment and neglect)
Humans have a wide range of needs, values and priorities that vary between individuals. Safety vs Autonomy, Privacy vs Protection, etc. And a politician must be compassionate and responsive to those values, even with all their contradictions, but to do so, human input and participation is required. No one politician, human or otherwise, is going to get it exactly right and please everybody. But a human is still going to have more success in trying than a robot, as it is near impossible to reduce the balance of these issues down to mere numbers and algorithms.
So while Iāll entertain the idea that a robot maybe could run a country, I donāt think anything would ever convince me that they should do so.
We ask your questions so you donāt have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
#I also believe this applies to many other fields. Iām a teacher#Could a robot teach new content? Sure. Assess studentsā knowledge? Yeah. Plan lessons? Yes. Manage student behaviour? Probably one day#it may even be able to do those things as well as -or better- than some human teachers. One day.#But that is not all that a teacher is. The human elements of compassion. Responsiveness. Creativity. Respect and meaningful connection.#A robot teacher would work just fine in some contexts. But for many students itās the unquantifiable human factors#that make a huge difference to the quality of their whole schooling experience#it would take a lot to convince me that a robot would completely replicate that. For similar reasons to the above.#Many situations in teaching require nuance that canāt easily be broken down into numbers.#Also- before anyone tries to tell me I have misunderstood the trolley problem. Yes. I know itās meant to be a āno perfect solutionā scenari#and youāre not meant to try and think of a better outcome because there isnāt one.#And sometimes real life is like that and you really can only choose the lesser of two bad outcomes#What I am saying is- the issue is in thinking that itās always like that. And in never trying for something better#never applying any creativity or innovation because the current solution is the better of two shitty options and thatās that.#Which is what a robot would do if it thought it had the ābestā solution already.#The fact that humans DO try to break the rules and look for alternative options is one of our greatest strengths#whereas a robot will only do what it was told to do
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Just me venting about printer stuff
I'm out here creating notes on articles and collecting ones I want to use for notes, all on my computer (my book collection is a whole other thing) and so I have long ass word doccuments (I can never spell that word correctly -_-) that I need to organize and tabs open with articles that let you print them and the need to figure out how to turn ones you can't into a doc you can print (easy with wikipedia, so text dense, but when it's something with a lot of pictures that creates it's own problem) and I just have so much stuff I plan to print out and put in my binder-grimoire (as opposed to my notebook ones. The binder is nice because I can stick all sorts of stuff in it and keep re-organizing it afterwards), but I have a problem. I bought a new, relatively cheap, printer because the one I had been using broke and I had limited access to it (It was not my own) and setting it up keeps feeling overwhelming, but I have so much stuff that I'm like
^me going through articles online and trying to keep track of everything I need to print.
#emma posts#i'm rambling#why tf do they want me to use an app to set this up?#If I want to set up a phone app it should be secondary to setting a printer up with my FUCKING LAPTOP#and then I've heard people saying that they've had problems with this printer when trying to connect to something other than the main devic#but this seemed like the most affordable option and I tend to stick to one piece of tech until something gives and I'm forced#to get something new#which you might be surprised by. how long I can hold out I mean.#I've been using a 2015 laptop for eight years and only god can stop me#or it not connecting to any new stuff I need. I've made it work so far though#that's nothing compared to how stubborn I was about my previous phone though#I used that thing until the screen literally fell off. I'm not exagerating. the bottom half of the screen got disconnected from the actual#phone itself. I will probably have to replace this new one sooner though#and I WILL once again look for the closest phone to my old one being sold. You will pry the home button from my cold dead hands#even though I somehow broke my current one and have to use touch assist#I still haven't switched to wireless headphones even though I use a bluetooth speaker#Do I know how to use them? Yes. Do I like them? no.#I am also tired of my phone trying to connect to my neighbor's smart tv when I watch youtube. THAT'S NOT OURS!#It does this even when I don't have bluetooth on. Which is most of the time#I am dealing with period hormones rn though so that is probably making this worse#I am too tired to get really angry though. Just frustrated and sad#I wonder how much of my stubborness about my tech is the autism and how much is the money#the cat facing the wrong direction in this picture is key to the vibes
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idk if im bad at researching or if there justā¦isnāt enough research out there? im getting conflicting accounts/apparently medjournal results that rare side effects of some atypical antipsychotic drugs can trigger psychosis and dissociative issues, and others that seem to suggest this is at most psychosomatic and/or anecdotal (whichā¦lol? but i donāt want to assume; idk im not a brain scientist).
im just sitting here looking through old journals/writings/convos and imā¦concerned.
#Iāve only been off the meds for a few years but.#am i supposed to just not recognize the person who wrote things down like five years ago?#not just like āoh I remember feeling that way - so good to have learnedā#but literally like āI have no idea what induced this thought process and my apparent response to it looks alien and seems from my#current mindset to be Extremely Irrational and perhaps even not totally connected to likeā¦realityā#like. is that. typical? it feels like probably it is not typical.#tbd maybe
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