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bitchfitch · 5 months ago

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I had a shrink appointment today and while I could not see it I knew my doc was going through the five stages of grief while I explained my fool proof strategy for doing my t shots despite a crippling fear of needles: By abusing my vastly more crippling fear of being an inconvenience.

My mother and I play phasmophobia together every week. she usually has a pretty limited time to do this bc she's like. a doctor and a college professor whos always busy. So I asked her to just. hold me to doing them. We don't start playing until the shot is done. so my needle fear doesn't matter because now it's Wasting™ her time and I have to do it quick. Using one neurosis to defeat another.

It's a horrible coping mechanism because it's feeding the inconvenience fear, but it is definitionally a coping mechanism.

#im a 'has a panic attack during every injection or iv theyve ever gotten' type of scared of needles #no it genuinely has nothing to do with pain the needle itself is the fear not the using of it #like i told this story before but i have these sewing pins with lil bow ties on them and i had to get my dad to take all the blue ones out #because they were triggering the same part of my brain iv needles do #just the sight of them with the rest of my cute sewing pins was a problem #And the fear of being an inconvenience is so bad i cant eat around people or be in crowded spaces or talk at get togethers #without being paralyzed by fear of Being In The Way. its so bad ive been avoiding using my power chair bc it makes me take up #slightly more space than i would just standing. and i never took my manual out and about because i moved too slowly in it #and i dont take my crutches on planes despite using them everyday bc they cant fold up like my cane can and so are In The Way #one of the big reasons i dont use the chairs in stores is they have back up alarms. and i hate making noises in public #Yes this is part of the reason i want a Rottweiler for my service dog because i want people to look at the doggie Not Me.#I like people! i like being friendly and talking and making little connections with strangers!!! But i cant be the one to initiate or #be In The Way of a peaceful moment #dont look at me #this is also a big issue i have with making friends or changing the nature of a relationship because like. im autistic #I have Rules for social interactions memorized that i will follow. but moving people from one category to another #is difficult. It is too the point i had problems for litteral years talking to my boyfriend as though #he was a person i knew well and cared deeply for because i kept using the 'rando guy im flirting with on the Internet' script #I have commissioners i want to be friendlier with but my brain says No Stop that is an Impolite and Overly informal way to talk to #a customer™ despite them not being customers when they arnt in the commission process #im like thise huskies who are scared of carpet because its Different than the floor they're currently standing on #its Too different:(#and to be clear i am Completely aware of how none of this makes logical sense and is in fact deeply self destructive #That does not fix it. it is so ingrained in my head that im certain i could convince my brain to let me bite off my own fingers #before i could convince it to let me talk to someone at a help desk or ask my order be corrected at a restaurant

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ryeallytired · 1 year ago

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I (partially) finished my bookcloth dustjacket designs for the first two BBC Merlin books!

(if folks want, once I finish all the designs, I can make a how-to post for making these for your own merlin books)

Symbols:

For The Dragon's Call, the top two are supposed to look like two sides of an old style coin that was stamped with the symbols that appear on Excalibur in the show. The bottom two are chains in reference to Kilgharrah (and something something the chains of destiny and knowing how it "should be" or smthing...)

Valiant was a little harder, not as much to pull from. So it gets crossed swords for the tournament that's taking place, with the dog statue's head as the bottom symbols.

#I still have to figure out what design I want for the spines (currently thinking of doing a connecting skyline of the castle)#but I do quite like how these came out!#the new HTV is sooo pretty #however it is still a beast i am learning to tame #as you can see by the bare spots on the dragon's call book #tho I quite think it adds to it #makes it look worn and aged and all that #merlin #bbc merlin #bookbinding #kinda-ish #my art

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sebbyisland · 6 months ago

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akanematic.mp4 (youtube link)

#I love how akane banashi discusses grief. I am pairing it with one of my fave songs about grief #akane banashi #issho arakawa #akane osaki #seb draws #it's so cool how everyone is grieving!!! each indiv chara in this vid is grieving for diff reasons diff ways and they all overlap <3 #u know what i'm not done. i WILL go into this #kiroku is making space for grief by taking on the lost shiguma name. It’s he has lost miroku which is like losing a father. but he moves on #kiroku is the father figure for kisoba and rokuen that miroku couldn't be for kiroku. he literally carries kashiwaya (shiguma's art) w/him!#at the same time! kiroku DIES so soon after establishing the arakawa school and he tells kisoba 'you killed me'#this moment is the hammer in the coffin of issho's grief. he already blames himself bc it was HIS performance that resulted in #kiroku getting kicked out. a small death. and now he's told 'you killed me.' insane. Unless it was just a dream idk unclear #but again looking at how kiroku is characterized i don't think he meant to blame issho. it's very likely issho misinterpreted #just like when he misinterpreted what kiroku was trying to say when he started the arakawa school #and that brings us to the CURRENT SHIGUMA #who not only misses his mentor! but also his relationship with kisoba/issho!!!!! HE STILL CALLS HIM ANIKI IM SO SICK #I constantly think about the panel where he looks at issho with trepidation as issho says he will repent for the rest of his life.#that is when the disconnect started!!!! and it only became more extreme when he was taught shiguma's art but couldn't MASTER it!!!!#imagine how Issho felt abt shiguma wasting the opportunity he never got. and becomes even worse after shinta tries to carry shiguma's art #issho is like damn shiguma was too weak and now he brings me another weakling wtf is this!! he's out! expulsion! and ofc shiguma is mad.#but ofc WE all know what issho is TRULY mad abt is really just kiroku! and his own guilt his own grief wtfff #MY GOD.#WHICH BRINGS US TO AKANE #HER PARALLELS WITH ISSHO DRIVE ME CRAZYYYY #trying to avenge the loss of her father's rakugo!!!!!#AKane almost losing herself in her desire to copy her dad #AND!!! AUUGHGHGHGH i know folks were like HUH???? when akane was reflecting on how she could have gone on a dark path w/out shiguma #Bc didn’t she already love rakugo??? But see if we only focus on Loving the Art we become Issho.#think akane first zenza training arc and kibataraki. she loves the art but can't connect to the audience. now add crippling guilt.#Shinta Arakawa is dead and Akane accepted this. but she is still so angry. issho and akane are foils u see.

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misterradio · 7 months ago

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bug blues got me DOWN im having crazy species dysphoria (?) for the past couple days... i wanna know people's tips for presenting more bug-like physically (as vague or as specific as possible, doesnt matter to me) and see if that will help me, but its not something im finding easily..... invertebrate therians lend me your aid

#therianthropy #therian #bug therian #original nonsense #personal #<- i dont really interact with a broader therian community usually so idk if im using the right.... idk language..#when looking at peoples therian postings i had to keep looking up definitions lol. so im not v familiar with the lingo.....#i look up peoples experiences as invertebrate therians and ppl point out ways that they are similar/connected to their theriotype #and im like shit am i doing therianthropy wrong LOL cuz im just like. im this thing and i hate that i dont look like it.#i say bug to be really generic bc IDK WHAT I AM i think broadly im connected to earthworms and centipedes...#but am i like those in my current state in any way? no i think they are simply epic.#and they are tugging something madly at my soul.#i have my coyote tail i wear and its so cool to me and i would love to have like... a clip on worm tail or centipede end segments..

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kit-screams-into-the-future · 8 months ago

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looking at the dialogue i wrote up for the next comic strip and the sheer amount of sketches (sketches. not even the lineart itself) to go along with it........ at this point i may just have to start writing fanfiction. it would be a lot less tedious methinks

#of course that day is not today #but also. it would be so much easier to just connect the dialogue with narration instead of ten million pictures #unfortunately i am addicted to having The Visions and need to draw out every expression #as well as addicted to Not Ever Elaborating On Anything Besides What Is Required For The Comedic Situation Envisioned #and in fic form i feel like there will need to be a lot more elaborating. which i refuse to do #to the numerous people in my askbox yes i have seen them. thank you for sending me them #however i have decided to put way too much thought into fitting them within a larger narrative #which is why they're taking ten million years to answer #anything related to weredoc you have asked and you shall receive An Entire Chunk Of Story so you have that to look out for #in the next 7 business weeks. cheers #kit answer an art ask in a normal way challenge [impossible]#[also exactly why i am in this current situation LMAO.#this au is really the work of a collective because i have based every planned story beat directly off an ask #and also it was spawned because of one. wonderful world we live in]#kit yap session #weredoc au #ig. bc i am talking about it

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amelikos · 10 days ago

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Title and summary for HZ102 (here).

#thoughts in tags. anyway it's been a while since we got a new title drop through tvtokyo's website #paldea ruins.. the same ones they visited in ep 57 with friede? which was when we learned a bit more about pagogo #back then roy fell in the trap of a collecurei too. now it seems that dot and uruto will be too. but not liko #liko will meet the student who is next to nemo in the opening... who seems to have a similar hair color as spinel.. much to think about #also. they are creating a situation where liko seemingly will be the only one meeting this mystery character #isolating liko from the others so she can be the only one meeting karato and bonding with this person #very reminiscent of the set up of ep 65 to me.. liko and amethio being isolated.#creating a situation where they had to work together and communicate #i wonder if we'll meet this mystery character again after this ep #roy and dot have their own connections to students from the school (nemo and botan) so maybe this will be liko's personal connection to one #while liko also has connections to characters from the games. usually with her they want to make connections that stand out #and things that are strictly anime only and relate to the original story. good for her.#hz is very based for not including popular game characters for the sake of it. i like that they aren't making them appear just like that #the pkmn pagogo will meet again.. i'm thinking the carbou from ep 57 because that was a pkmn pagogo played with. it was very cute too!#either carbou.. or possibly the same carbou but who would have evolved into that other form.. the one who is not soublades #or maybe zygarde.. but i don't think it'll be that. but it's a pkmn pagogo knows personally so i'm thinking about it.#either way it won't be the six heroes because of their current situation #i am curious about why meeting this pkmn again will be relevant. curious about the mystery character too..#i hope the pv tomorrow shows this character's face. the hair similar to spinel thing makes me kinda insane and i need to know what's up #and if it's supposed to be something relevant or not #the “knight” mention in the title.. absolutely thought of amethio but like. i wonder if he'd show up.. is he looking for zygarde #it seems like a crowded ep so i am not sure he'd show up here of all places. but the knight mention is certainly curious.#very curious about this ep. i wonder who is writing it? ep 57 was written by kureha matsuzawa back then #i feel like i can't know how narratively heavy this ep is supposed to be if i don't know the scriptwriter #overall. i look forward to this.. esp the mystery character. who will be their va?#and the fact liko is seemingly going to meet them while the others are “out of commission”. it's interesting #hz102 #episode notes

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acealistair · 16 days ago

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playing the new rune factory and am kicking my feet twirling my hair etc over cuilang

#ROBOT BOYFRIEND........#listen it doesn't help that i am currently playing an automaton pathfinder character #who was built to help people and struggles with the isolation inherent with Being A Robot that longs for connection with humans/mortals #right down to liking children!!! so like i *had* to romance him right #definitely not another factor here in that he looks like fucking gaara lmfao #sierra plays rf:goa

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limonjarritos · 2 years ago

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Do you guys know how insane it is that Rody is biphobic and bi just casually in this story. Like imagine if there was less cannibalism (boo) and the whole game was just Rody fighting his bisexual demons.

(actually he probably kinda lowkey was with how much his mind strays back to Manon when speaking to Vincent, though he's also perhaps that down bad. But still, you know how people will subconsciously play up their opposite gender attraction when trying to fight the same sex attraction thoughts)

#dead plate #limon.txt #im actually currently working on a short analysis on the themes of queerness in relation to symbolism and the story in general.#bc sometimes i just say shit. im not smart i am connecting the dots on a white board w/ sharpie #tho i've been meaning to do a replay soon. or delve through the creator's pages more bc i want to give a closer look into manon #i dont think manon is perfect in the way fandoms often make the female characters which just makes them one dimensional. and isnt actually #girl win at all. but i dont think she's inherently like evil or something to be tossed to the side bc she very much haunts the narrative #she lives in the echoes of the game honestly. and she's also her own flawed person like the other characters.#which is why i find it so hard to do what if scenarios bc you can't have the story without manon haunting the narrative. you can't have-#rody getting a job and vince also taking an interest w/o rody's sob story about manon. like do you guys get-

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bonestrouslingbones · 1 month ago

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human designs are genuinely so much fun because i get to actually REALLY stretch my character design muscles and play around with different facial features and body types and such, as i have discussed a million times and probably will discuss a million more

however. it is also often devastating. because i am constantly being forced to confront the fact that the characters who suck the most and deserve it the absolute least WILL without fail be the most fitted to the exact designs that are so extremely obviously My Type that there are a couple that i can’t show to my friends without them giving me a look

#YOU KNOW THE EXACT KIND OF LOOK IM TALKING ABOUT. ITS HORRIBLE #having friends was a MISTAKE im just gettinf BULLIED!!!!!!!!!!#havent drawn any recently but currently thinking of the time i showed my rommmate that one drawing of fluff #and near instantly being met with ‘i think you have a type’ because the refs i used for him were various stupid fucking emo boys #(of the rodrick heffley and colan grey variety which is admittedly a weird mix of gender envy and If I Had To Pick A Dude)#anyway i think it would have been less hurtful and awful and mean if she had instead shot me point blank #and THEN on the other side of things characters do not deserve a while ago i was wondering how ebony would look after a few years on hrt #and was anguished to realize that by far the most fitting body type for her would in fact be jasper steven universe. im still mad about it #all this talk about how i dont understand what people see in ebony and then realizing that being a woman instead is all it takes for me #because i can say with full confidence that if i had realized how transfem coded ebony was from the beginning and seen her that way the-#-whole time. well i can’t say i wouldn’t have been thirsting for her louder than everybody else. god damn it #like genuinely jasper is one of those characters i cannot even pretend to be normal about. so you should know how mad i am about this #big buff woman who does horrible things to feel some sense of pride or accomplishment from an outside force and herself #who as an extension of that willingly and gleefully allows herself to be abused and actively seeks that out because of how twisted her-#-sense of connection and understanding are with other people as a direct result of a past that was entirely out of her control but that-#-she never really left even when she pretended she had moved on and grown from it as The Perfect Quartz who everyone praises and loves #im laying all this out about her so that you fully understand how furious i was to realize that this is ebony. what do you fucking MEANNNNNN #EBONY DOESNT DESERVE ALL THAT COME ON. AND HE’S AS HOT AS SHE IS TOO????????? FUCK OFF?????????????#i have to reverse all realizations ive ever had about my own sense of attraction i think. get rid of it #actually i HATE stupid emo boys and mean brutish buff women. cant STAND em. they should all DIE!!!!!!!!!!#AND NOT IN A COOL CHARACTER-DEEPENING WAY EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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starbuck · 2 months ago

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okay, not to be a complete freak, but i’m kind of shaking and crying about how well-connected i am… this just fucking happened to me

#like. well-connected in such a SPECIFIC way that is good and important for me #like. i don’t KNOW how everything is gonna go… maybe nothing will actually pan out like i want #but i *might* have a shot at co-leading an international trip next year MAYBE…#bc i know all of the leaders and two of them are semi-retired and probably looking for a protege…#and this all just happened to me bc my mom and dad joined this random birding organization before i was born #they had no special qualifications or anything - they were just generally nice and cool people #and now here i am!#two job offers and a seat on council!#PLUS my current job which i ALSO got bc of my mom’s connections #which were literally just… she went birding a lot in a random park after dropping me off at school #to the point that the programs manager noticed her and asked her to lead bird walks #sometimes i feel like a nepo baby but also like. my mom doesn’t actually work for these people #she’s just a nice volunteer - she had no hand in my being hired or being offered jobs #and - at this point - i’ve accomplished a ton on my own and i wouldn’t be offered shit if that wasn’t the case #but so much of what’s happening now is happening at least in part because of these connections i was essentially born with #i don’t know anyone else in my department with connections even remotely comparable to mine #WILD shit…

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amplexadversary · 2 months ago

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Fucking great. Thanks to assholes making entirely baseless fucking accusations over a nearly 20 year-old video game with a bog-standard fantasy plot, we don't get fandom-themed theme weeks on FR anymore

I don't get to hope for a Critical Role or Gundam themed one because you people are morons at fucking best.

Utter idiocy is the charitable interpretation here.

#tagging my hate because fuck you personally if you were part of this #I could be real annoying about this if *I* felt that behavior was okay.#But I am in fact a human being who knows how to conduct themselves like a goddamn adult #Kiss my ass #fan wank #Flight Rising #negative #current events (derogatory)#Morg rants #I suppose if they *had* done a Gundam week you douchebags would have found some way to make *that* about the Hamas conflict too #because it's a franchise owned by a large business headed by unethical people #Or maybe you fucking wouldn't because being a Japanese business Sun/Ban doesn't resemble Certain Stereotypes hmm?#(& to be clear on the piss-on-the-poor website: I am specifically accusing y'all using systemic issues as an excuse to be antisemitic)#Maybe consider that by constantly bringing up Actual War over petty shit you're making your own concern look fucking trivial by association #Go harass Microsoft if you don't like what they're doing you're not accomplishing anything targeting smaller creators #You are no different than the people who harass fanfic writers over systemic issues they barely have a connection to #(fucking stereotypes that aren't even fucking true most corpos are predominantly christian like everything in this stupid country #we could have been addressing the problem you *claim* to have with money in politics #by blowing up phones asking Harris to do some trustbusting which would be actually useful but noOOOoooo #instead we're dealing with our civil fucking rights being in jeopardy. Fucking thanks for that 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕)#A handful of fucking Artists are not going to fix the world's fucking problems *if only you talk enough shit* 🙄🙄🙄.#Take it up with your fucking senators. You are de-legitimizing actual fucking problems by bringing them into petty bullshit.

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snitchsnatcher · 3 months ago

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Someone PLEASE tell me if they know of any fanfiction where, sometime after Harry’s second year, Tom Riddle/Voldemort becomes a professor at Hogwarts. I read one fic with this premise after searching for them and it was delightful (it’s the one titled something along the lines of "unapologetic fifth year crack"? I think? It was very funny). It’s just such a funny concept to me.

#specifically after his second year because I think harry's immediate recognition of Tom Riddle would be hilarious #even more so if only like. him and Ginny even notice at first. Ron and Hermione have Not Connected The Dots yet #because they don’t actually know what Voldemort looked like #I actually am currently writing my own extremely self indulgent fanfic about this but I’d LOVE to read other peopl’s take on this concept #in my head dumbledore has only agreed because Voldemort won't be able to harm the kids (unbreakable vow etc)#so there's no immediate mortal danger for harry and co. just headaches. bc you know. moldyshorts is right there #anyway how do I tag this so people see #hmm #harry potter #seems like a good tag to start off with #tom riddle #Voldemort #harry james potter

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anothermonikan · 1 year ago

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They need to make a physical media release of DHMIS,,,because I love DHMIS really but it's a pain to have to set up my computer to the HDMI and the E4 app to watch it because I like watching stuff on my TV but like..aughh. I have a PS3 I can play DVD's and Blu-Ray's it's so much easier!

#Honestly thinking of burning them myself....I was about to say I'd have to get a DVD burner but I do have #An old compaq presario laying around which has an optical drive on it #Idk if it'd still work for burning disks and stuff but I know it at least still reads them #It is running on like. windows xp tho and not connected to the internet so I'd have to download them to my usb and then try it from there #I would have to get blank disks tho ehe....#look I would be watching this thing a lot more than I am currently if it was easier.#when it first came out I had a fucking. chromecast so I could just cast it. but I don't anymore -o-#aughhh #DHMIS #dont hug me im scared #Android.txt

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zillyblog · 2 years ago

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anyway. remember that the ppl who make the art and fics you enjoy really do love recognition. knowing someone enjoyed your work gives us life.

but also. remember that you don't have to comment. don't feel guilty if you can't, or won't. don't let those posts guilt-trip you. saying "it's YOUR fault if I don't get enough comments and stop making stuff" is so horribly manipulative.

art does NOT exist only when someone else perceives it. art is art the second the artist creates. the artist perceives it.

you are not obligated to anyone. comment and engage when you can, when you want to. human connection is soured when it's done out of fear and not sincerity.

and to my fellow artists: if you abandon something because you aren't getting the recognition you want, I whole-heartedly want you to ask why you're making art. it should be, first and foremost, for you. make it fun for you, because you deserve that. the amount of recognition you get can increase the fun, but a lack should never decrease it.

no one is responsible for the art you make besides you.

#i am NOT a fan of the tone in the posts currently going around #please. make stuff for yourself #then everything that comes after is just an additional bonus #if you crave human connection and your art isn't providing that maybe look for other ways to connect #don't take it out on others and insist they're the reason you're so unhappy

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waywardstation · 2 years ago

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May I share a small idea?

You could use the poll as some sort of list for some future WIP Wednesdays. The most popular choice is first and then the next in line comes on the next Wednesday when you got the time and so on.

It could save you plenty of time to prepare something and may lessen the pressure a little!

Obviously it’s up to you but I’m leaving the suggestion here for you to think about.

Hope you’re having a good time and remember to stay hydrated and take care of yourself~!

Oh this is a fantastic idea!! I think I will do this!! (Though I am hoping at least three of the options on there will be going up within the next several weeks, all of them are so so close to completion!!)

I will do this though!! Thank you very much for the suggestion friend, it’s a great idea!!

#i think I realize now why it’s taking so long to get all my fics out and why WIPs keep getting backed up #I have been going back and rewriting the initial chapters of HFBE #my earlier work is not my current writing style #and I know that is obvious #but I will flat out say it’s different because my earlier work was lazier #I remember telling myself all the time not to stress about my writing so much because with Uni I did not have the time to do that #so I’d post work even if I wasn’t happy with how it was #otherwise I’d never get any work out #but now I look at my current writing #and I feel like at least it’s more coherent #and more thought and work is put into it #and I am more proud of my current writing than my earlier writing by a longshot #but that’s coming at the price of almost paralyzing scrutiny #as it’s holding me up from posting #I’ve leaned a little too far into it #and I’ve begun to find a balance where I can move on while still criticizing my own writing and adjusting it a little better #work has been moving more consistently again on them #so I’m expecting that when I do finish my WIPs for posting #it’s going to be a lot at once #(does not help that so many of these fics are all tied to each other and I want to post all the connecting fics in between larger chapters #of my multi-chapter fics #haha)

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nylarac · 2 years ago

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many thoughts in my head

#thinking about how everyone assumes i am fresh out of high school when i am nearly 30 #and the fact that i can't really connect w any of my classmates bc they're so much younger than me #most of the ppl my age (and younger) are faculty but i can't really connect w them either since i'm a student #and i don't really want to connect w any of them anyways since none of them wear a mask #feeling v directionless i went back to college bc i was sick of working low paying garbage dead end jobs #but i still don't know what i want to do #and i know most ppl change majors multiple times and i have plenty of time #but in my new student class for all of the assignments lately i have to choose but i still have no idea so it's v discouraging #the more i look into my options the more i am like i don't want to do any of these actually #or i don't feel capable/it would take too long #today is day 3 of my new job on campus is v laid back and only 13 hours a week but i still feel like i have such little time now #i am tired and lonely #also feeling p bad about my appearance i keep feeling like i wish i was still cute #but i also thought this years ago and i am sure i will think the same thing about my current self in a few years #sigh

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