#i am bored and wrote this

[ballwizard]

can i be real with you guys i fucking hate the "HOW HIGH WERE U WRITING THIS XD CARBON MONOXIDE DETECTOR!!! LOL WHAT!! UR A CRAZY PSYCHO FOR WRITING YHIS" schtick that I've been seeing around recently . it's like. Not funny at best and really rude and annoying at worst

[official-lucifers-child]

i’ve got my calculus III class today and i’m stupidly excited for it. the class is 75% full, run by one of the most chill professors (sent a welcome email that basically just said “hey don’t worry about anything ever. peace”), and also the most advanced calc class that the university offers.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[arsenicflame]

steddyhands modern au inspired by this post:

(1828 words, themes of kink but nothing explicit, established blackhands & gentlebeard-centric. Happy Pride!)

Stede picks up leatherworking in the wake of his divorce. He's not exactly sure how it ended up being such an important hobby for him, only that he had always admired the intricate designs on his horse's best bridles, and with little else to do with his time, he decides to give it a go.

It's rocky going at first, but he's having fun working with his hands for the first time in his life, and there's a sense of satisfaction in seeing the design come to life as he works. With practice, his skills improve, and he learns how to make things that are truly one of a kind.

He starts off posting his pieces online, as a way to reach fellow enthusiasts, but quickly finds himself with a rather large audience. Stede’s style is unique, and, after many requests from his followers, Lucius encourages him to make some more basic pieces he can sell. It's not about making money for Stede, but another way to meet new people who share his interests- as Lucius keeps telling him, it's sad that his personal assistant is the main person he talks to these days. 

So Stede sets out on a new adventure, and has quite the time designing a new range of patterns for the market. He makes purses, belts, bracelets, and, most importantly, dog collars- all still with his unique designs embossed into them, of course. He rents a booth at his towns monthly craft fair, and very quickly finds himself with a new group of friends in the other regulars- Pete, his usual neighbour, who sells an array of wooden figures he carves, Roach, who runs a stand for his bakery, and Frenchie, who isn't actually a stallholder, but is almost always busking near his friend Wee John’s stand of knitted goods, bringing life to the market even in the pouring rain. There's also Buttons, another regular at the market. Nobody is exactly sure what he does there- he doesn't sell things, or seem to buy anything either, but rain or shine, he's there with the birds.

Stede’s been doing this a few months by the time June rolls around. As he's setting up his stand, he notices that the area is much busier than it’d normally be at this time of morning. Lucius, who got roped into helping run Stede’s stall somewhere down the line (despite his protests that this is not what personal assistant means… But hey, he got a boyfriend out of it, at least), reminds him that there's the parade today, too- not realising that Stede had no clue there was a parade today, and especially not that it was pride. Stede immediately jumps to fretting about the amount of stock he’s brought, and Lucius takes the cue to escape, saying he’ll go and grab them coffee (but really, he's off to flirt with Pete)

Lucius is still missing when Ed stumbles across the little leather stall. Stede’s just ran back to his car to fetch his last boxes of inventory, and by the time he returns, Ed’s already begun to narrow down his choices. Stede greets him, starting to tell him that they're not actually open yet, but before he gets more than a couple of words out, Ed’s exclaiming “You're a Kiwi!!!”

The two of them smile at the shared recognition, and Stede says he’ll make an exception, just for Ed, and asks him what exactly he was interested in. Ed tells him that he's looking for a collar “for his boy”, and points out the particular design he was looking at. It happens to be one of Stede’s favourites from this latest run of work, a fact he mentions to Ed. It leads them into a discussion about Stede’s craft, and Ed’s Izzy, and then everything in between. Ed’s listening intently to the things Stede’s telling him, completely drawn in by the process, and by Stede himself. He watches as Stede stamps Izzy's name into the collar, and Stede even lets him have a go at one of the stamps. 

Lucius reappears sometime in the middle of this- only to immediately retreat again, seeing Stede engrossed with Ed. He sets up camp at Pete's booth opposite, watching this man flirt intensely with his boss- and Stede flirt back just as hard. Does Stede even realise he’s doing it? Lucius had known Stede was gay since before Stede even admitted it to himself, but this is on a whole other level.

The pair stand there so long that Izzy comes to look for Ed- the two of them are manning a float on the parade with their crew, and it's past time for them to get geared up. He's already worked up, frustrated to have been left to set up everything alone, when Ed had just gone to see if he could get them both coffee. So maybe he's a bit of a prick, approaching with a brash “where the fuck have you been, Edward”, to which Stede brings the same energy, giving a bitchy “Ed! Do you know this guy?” Izzy tenses, ready to snap, but then Ed cuts in, excitedly telling Stede that this is “his Izzy!” Which confuses the hell out of Stede. 

Forgetting his earlier attitude, he asks Ed if he “really named his dog after his friend”, only to be met with confusion right back from Ed at where the hell Stede got the idea he had a dog from. Stede gestures at the bag with the collar in it, to which Ed has to tell him, “oh, no, that's for him.” Ed tells Stede that they're here to run a float for their local leather society, and while Stede is certainly shocked by what Ed’s saying, he's not finding himself… uninterested. It's simply that he’s never even considered any of this before, especially not that people would use the things that he made for this, but Ed sounds so enthusiastic about it all. He tells him about how his friends would love to see Stede’s work, about how classic leather gear is always so fucking boring- but not Stede’s stuff, no, Stede’s stuff is “fresh” and “fascinating” and unlike anything Ed’s ever seen before. 

Ed's enthusiasm is incredibly infectious, so when he invites Stede to come back to see their float, he readily agrees. It’s a concept Izzy’s less than enthusiastic about. He doesn’t really want to bring this man who’s dressed like he just walked out of a HOA board meeting to their kinky little corner of the world, but he is having a lot of fun watching Stede squirm, so decides not to raise a protest. He does demand he gets his long-overdue coffee first, though (Stede pays for it- as “compensation for him distracting Ed from his job”, he says, not giving Izzy a second to process before he's tapping his card)

By the time they return to the float, Fang, Ivan & Jim are waiting for them, all already geared up. Stede is stunned silent at the sight for about 5 seconds, before he starts actually looking at the quality of Jim’s harness, and proceeds to go off about the poor quality of the craftsmanship, about how the hardware is tacky and completely the wrong choice with this leather, how his “ten year old daughter could do a better job!!!” 

There's complete silence from the group, until Izzy, of all people, bursts into laughter at Stede’s audacity (and, the fact he was staring at Jim's tits completely unabashedly, like he hadn't even noticed them in the first place). Izzy's laughter sets Ed off as he tells the group about Stede’s misunderstanding- “you didn't say he was a person!” “I mean, he's my dog”- and soon everyone's having a friendly giggle at Stede’s mistake.

It's somewhere in the middle of the retelling that Ed remembers that this whole thing happened because he was buying Izzy a gift. After a moments fumbling, he presents Izzy with the collar-  It's a rich, deep black, embossed with a rolling pattern that resembles waves. It’s made from a firm enough leather to take the tooling, and to remind Izzy that he’s owned while he’s wearing it, yet still soft enough for long term comfort. Izzy's eyes immediately lock on to it, an unreadable expression coming over his face, and Ed turns it; first so he can really see the design and Izzy’s name embossed into it, and then so he can see the small “Ed ♥” on the inside of the collar, right over his swallow tattoo. 

“I did the heart,” Ed says to him softly, intended only for Izzy’s ears. Izzy's eyes flick up to Ed’s, and he raises his chin to give Ed the room to put it on. Ed buckles the collar around his neck almost reverently, a test of the tightness turning into a caress of Izzy's neck. It's a perfect fit.

It's as though something comes over Izzy; so twitchy and abrasive earlier, now silent, staring at Ed with a look akin to worship in his eyes. He obediently tilts his head for a kiss as Ed's fingers move to his chin- It's a sight to behold, and one that has Stede intrigued. He wants to know more about this lifestyle, and these men in particular. He wants to be the one to put that expression on Izzy's face.

The moment breaks as Ed and Izzy pull apart, and Ed calls for the crew to finish the last bits of set up. Izzy shakes himself a little before running off to bark orders again, but even still, there remains a softness to him that wasn't there before. 

Ed turns back to Stede with an apologetic smile, already obvious that he has to get going. Before he can speak, however, Stede jumps in -“My business numbers on the card in the box… I'll be around all day”- Ed’s smile turns more genuine at that, promising to stop by if he gets a moment, and that he’ll send his friend's Stede’s way- “if he wants that kind of business.” Stede says that he does, actually- that he's seen a whole new world already today, and, while he was a little taken aback at first, he can feel the passion Ed and his friends have for this life. If there's one thing that's ever mattered to Stede, it's other people's enthusiasm. Maybe he doesn't completely understand yet, but he would like to try.

One year later, Stede’s back at the market on pride weekend again, far better stocked for the crowds this time around. Lucius is finally free to spend the day flirting with Fang & Pete to his heart's content, now that Stede’s roped his own boyfriends into helping him run the stall- and into modelling the merchandise. Ed loves that part, while Izzy needs a lot more convincing, but the puppy eyes Stede & Ed weaponise against him make a very good argument.

[eightdoctor]

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i think i hauve covid

[highladyjane]

I don't want another warrior training like we've already had in the former books, but aside from training her Seer abilities, I can also see Elain having some basic and necessary training both for self-defence and to become a spy disguised as an emissary of the NC (because she can definitely be both at the same time). And I definitely see Nuala and Cerridwen + Az, and maybe even her sisters, teaching her a thing or two about how to properly wield a knife outside the kitchen - on her own terms and choice ofc.

Feyre was the bow and arrow, Nesta is the sword, and Elain is definitely the "knife in the dark" (just like Azriel).

I can totally see her carrying a knife/dagger as her weapon of choice under all her beautiful dresses like...

I don't think Elain, nor any other female character (especially in the Maasverse tbh) will lose her "soft femininity" just because she learns how to wield a blade. I think what they choose to do with that blade is what makes the difference.

None of them likes violence itself (except for probably mostly the Illyrians), but they sometimes have to resort to it because they need to. Knowing how to handle a blade doesn't necessarily mean it's for violence or to kill - but to defend, protect and save lives just like she did with Nessian vs Hybern.

She may have some lingering trauma from that incident to process, but I think Elain will see that having a dagger around at times is actually useful and easy enough to hide - and the perfect weapon of spies.

Maybe not even just for self-defence but for random pruning, carving, and slicing things in her garden and kitchen lol... It can be subtle and unexpected, but useful and sharp enough when needed - just like her.

No matter what happens to Truth-teller after HOFAS, I still think daggers and knives will come to play for both Az and Elain.

Maybe he'll even gift her a secret, lovely dagger of her own next Solstice... 😏

So that she can...

... in front of Az so he can momentarily forget the existence of air and have something new to fantasize and be tormented about at night 🤭 Like "Call me a mistake one more time, you jackAz" 😏 loljk

Yes, I'm getting carried away.

I can see so many possibilities and potentials for Elain.

She has repeatedly shown the will of becoming more useful and not like how she herself realised and admitted to being like in the first book (because character development, duh). And since she's starting to "show some claws" I think she'll also want to learn how to really fend for herself and not always have to rely on others, especially not Az (not after that Solstice incident) nor her sisters to always come and save her.

She likes domestic things and is the only one among her sisters who is actually good and useful at it, she's a Cauldron-blessed Seer (and now likely also Koschei's next target), but she also has hinted unexplored potential for something besides all that - the stealth, shadows, and secret-keeping = spywork.

She's the perfect housewife-spy like those in WW2 that SJM herself referred to.

Introverts like Elain are always underestimated observers and always so easily dismissed as boring just because their mouths aren't as open as their minds.

Elain knows how to surprise and I think she definitely will again in her book.

Especially with something sharp at your throat the next time you call her boring and useless.

She's the perfect knife in the dark. A beautiful rose with thorns. A thing of secret, lovely beauty. 🌹🗡✨😌

[infinstar]

There is so much that I love about Ayaka chan wa Hiroko senpai ni koishiteru episode 6 but I understand other peoples concerns.

Before we judge Risa and Mama (and others in the bar) we need to understand their purposes as characters within the story as well as what their personalities are like. Because it is as much as about them as characters as well as what they represent in this story. Firstly, they are representing three generations of lesbian attitudes and behaviours. Risa and Ayaka being unabashedly confident in themselves as they don't deliberately hide their sexuality (and also in Risa's case, seeing the lying about one's identity as cowardice) representing the confidence, innocence and straight forwardness of the younger generation. Ayaka represents the middle generation in this case who has experienced that acting on their feelings/being herself has consequences in the wider society that we live in as well as to the people we love (she represents to me the that our lives are bigger than our own quote). Which results in her being more reserved and cautious navigating this world still hiding aspects of herself depending on the context. Mama represents a more older generation who has also probably seen various types of queers walk through that bar opening up to her about their experiences as well as her own. She understands both the younger and middle generation (and might've gone through a similar path herself). She is the balanced voice of reason in this series as well as everyone's confidant. Hence why it is appropriate for her to reveal to us about Hiroko's past.

Hiroko has been living a double life to her own detriment for the last ten years. She has kept a facade of a cool co-worker/manager that is extremely capable of work, reliable whilst managing interpersonal relationships in a cohesive non-judgemental way - this allows her to avoid others attention to herself as a person as that would break the facade. But she was not always like this as seen in the way she confused to Chinatsu senpai in the past (which reminded me of Ayaka haha). The facade is the manifestation of her guilt she feels towards Chinatsu senpai and she sees it as her responsibility to maintain it at all costs otherwise in her perspective senpai resigning would've become meaningless. This was the main reason she was blind to Ayaka's advances because it happened at her workplace. In her personal life she is extremely open about her sexuality and though in the first episode in the lesbian bar she comes off easy going as she flirts with others (but I have a feeling that she did not have any serious relationships after the incident as her guilt would've been too strong).

For me it makes sense why Mama would tell Hiroko's past to Ayaka and Risa (and subsequently to us as the audience). Mama knows the history of Hiroko, before the incident and after the incident to who she has become today. She also one of the few people that knows that Ayaka likes Hiroko (which I think Risa might have picked up on as well). She can see Hiroko's walls that she has built to protect herself and knows that Hiroko won't let go of that facade to even give Ayaka and herself a chance. We need to judge Mama's actions through the perspective of Hiroko not our own. She had Hiroko's best interest at heart irregardless of her actions. If Hiroko is angry at her then we would see some confrontation regarding her and Mama (and the other bar guests in future episodes). But from what we have seen of Hiroko so far, I doubt it would be like that because Hiroko herself knows she needs some intervention to breakdown the walls she barricaded herself with. I think it is unfair to judge characters actions as if there is only one "right" way of doing things because that's not true in fiction or in real life.

I still love love Risa. I was really glad that she told plainly that it is Hiroko that Ayaka likes and it is her straightforwardness that actually gets through to Hiroko. It is also consistent with Risa's personality that she did that because like Ayaka she doesn't hide her feelings when it matters. She is highly passionate and loves Ayaka that she is trying to help them get together and decided to stop her unrequited feelings because she values her friendship with Ayaka. Her actions might not be the "correct" ones but she is a good friend in her own way and I want to appreciate that.

I am looking forward to seeing how Ayaka is able to break down Hiroko's facade in the workplace to show her that it is different to ten years ago. (But also thinking in terms of how there still is no law protecting those discriminated on the basis of their sexuality in Japan, I wonder if they will portray acceptance only within the current workplace itself)

[quaranmine]

i just went to bed, then 15 minutes later got out of bed and turned the lights on, grabbed a pencil and sticky note, and began frantically calculating my total possible annual leave between now and December 2025. Again.

just in case anyone is wondering just how meticulous and obsessive i am over future travel and time off

[a-cup-of-coffee-and-the-moon]

"The birth of the Reader must be at the cost of the death of the Author."

han sooyoung of the 1863rd round "dying" right after finishing twsa, and kdj, the reader, being "reborn" again and again after that as twsa comes to life. yjh being the author of his own story with how desperate he was to live the perfect round kdj created, developing the avatar skill and one half of him dying. lsy, who wrote a book to save dokja but failed, almost dying. kdj dying, disintegrating into fragments after writing the perfect ending he wanted for twsa. us, the readers being born as a result of his death. the death of the author being a given for the birth of a reader.

[pomodoriyum]

fitzjames’s stupid little jesus metaphor running evidence:

- crown of thorns situation with the bleeding scalp

- holes appearing like that. whatever you fucking call them those palm things. except its because of colonist rot <3 EDIT. they are called stigmata

-the slorch oozing outta his eyes all the time look like little tears (all those christian paintings)

- “my body. use it”

- his hair being like that length and color or whatever matching many historical paintings of jesus

- the pieta-ass pose they catch him in when he collapses from scurvy

- probably more once i actually FINISH THE SERIES

- when hes biting his hands. more evidence for stigmata. *hits him with a broom*

[hiemaldesirae]

crimson peak inspired radiostaticrose where duke alastor and his good friend rosie come to america in search of a sponsor for a hotel endeavour alastor's goddaughter charlie is running. though valentino, the wealthy businessman they're appealing to finds the pair to be no more than pretty faced scammers, his younger brother vox (the heir to the fortune given valentinos current childless state) is enamoured by the both of them and eventually swept off his feet by the duke, who declares an intent on marrying him.

of course valentino can already sense theres something up here but before he's able to do anything about it- ah, rosie's got a hammer in hand and a specific location she's intent on putting it- and vox, distraught and comforted by alastors loving embrace, is brought back with alastor and rosie to hazbin hall. there he meets charlie, whos trying to run a hotel in town and is convinced by rosie and al to help the girl with her endeavour

through the time he spends at the mansion with his husband and rosie though vox finds that hes growing weaker and sicker and as winter approaches its slowly becoming worse and worse. at first he thinks it might just be from the cold, but he soon realizes that something else is wrong. he finds a puppy near the house that both alastor and rosie have strange reactions to- he thinks he hears one of them whisper 'i thought that thing had starved to death already' despite denying that they'd ever seen it before, and, perhaps more pressing, the ghosts he used to see in childhood are back once more, each of them whispering in his ears and telling him that it isn't safe and that he should leave.

one night, vox goes exploring, led by the ghosts of his nightmares and the tiny puppy who he'd named vark. he finds a suitcase with a label that says mimzy and a roll of wax cylinder recordings, and the next morning he snatches off the key from rosies keyring to unlock mimzy's chest. inside is a couple of letters and a gramophone. when he uses the gramophone to listen to the recordings, suddenly things start to fall in place. mimzy, who had been alastors third wife, detailed the poisons the pair had been feeding her in her tea and how they had also- in her suspicions primarily- been eating people behind her back, and she was scared for the safety of herself and her pet.

vox, of course, upon learning this information immediately makes to leave for town, hoping that at least charlie still has sense and hadn't any idea of what her godfather and his best friend were doing. but he's far too late: winter has set in and the snow is piled too high for vox to leave without becoming stranded and freezing to death via hypothermia.

and even besides that- alastor and rosie hadn't planned on letting him leave, either. after all, he was the first one to pique their interest beyond being an indulgent meal and moneybag: perhaps, if they played their cards right, they could keep their sweet little wife close by their side.

[chaoticree]

Marauders - Hunger Games AU

"Regulus Black," Lily Potter called out over the microphone. Her voice carried through the air. Regular was still as a stone beside Sirius. Sirius watched a single bead of sweat roll down his temple and closed his eyes.

He counted to ten to even out his breath. He'd already made the decision last night. If Regulus was picked, he'd volunteer himself. It was the right thing to do.

He took another deep breath and held his hand up

"A volunteer, huh? How exciting." Lily purred into the microphone. Her green eyes filled with mischief traveled over Sirius and then Regulus, who was staring at Sirius with huge eyes. Sirius didn't spend too much time picking apart the emotions in Reggies eyes. Guilt and relief being the most apparent. He wondered how long it would take for Reggie to get over this guilt if Sirius died in the games. He wanted to assure his brother it wasn't his fault and it was a decision Sirius took on his own. He wanted to calm Reggie down but there wasn't enough time. He could savor it by trying to memorize every detail of Reggies face but this guilt ridden Regulus was not what Sirius wanted to remember him as so he looked away.

"Sirius-" Regulus began but Sirius pushed his shoulder and stopped him from saying anything. No need to make this any more soppier than it already was. Though he doubted anyone gave a damn about him to even shed a single tear, but still, he had some reputation to maintain. Blacks were known for being emotionless. He'd do his parents this one last favor and not embarrass them by having a mental breakdown during the reaping. Besides, Sirius was sure everyone would shed tears of joy and be all happy that the family disappointment was finally being taken care of and that too without getting their own hands dirty.

"Look after yourself, Reggie. Don't let anyone make you miserable, okay?"

"Sirius no–" Regulus attempted to grab his arm but their time had run out, the guards were already there, dragging Sirius away and he closed his eyes. No tears. No emotions. He wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of knowing what he was feeling. They can all assume whatever the fuck they wanted and gossip about it all they want over tea or dinner. He didn't care. Reggie was safe and that was all that mattered. He'll get to live. He'll get to do everything that Sirius wouldn't be able to and that's okay, Reggie deserved this much.

He was harshly pulled out of his thoughts when Lily cackled sharply beside him. His brain felt too big for his head to carry and felt like there was foam filled inside. She looked at him and for a second there was an emotion in her eyes before it was replaced with nothingness again. A smooth facade, fake manic smile and sharp eyes took over.

He didn't even realize someone was standing beside him. No more like towering over him. The first thing he noticed were the scars on his face, and he took a staggering step back. The guy curled inwards and started to drop the hand he held for Sirius to shake when Lily stepped forward and pushed Sirius's hand in the other boys. She smiled at them, but it was evident that the smile was a threat. 'Behave,' she said with expressions alone, and Sirius sighed.

The boy let go of his hand and went to stand on Lily's other side. Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her. They stood facing the crowd as the anthem blared all around them. Sirius tried to find Regulus's familiar face in the crowd but it was too packed and he hoped in his heart that whatever expression he was wearing would be enough to ease some of Regulus's guilt.

As soon as the anthem ended, both him and the other boy were quickly ushered off the stage. Within seconds there were guards surrounding them as they sped past everyone and made a beeline towards the justice building.

A peacekeeper entered with Regulus in tow. Sirius jumped up and quickly loved towards him.

“You have 3 minutes!” The peacekeeper barked and left.

Tears pooled in Regulus's eyes. His hands shook as he tried to grab and hold onto Sirius's shirt.

Sirius just pulled him in for a hug. He knew that Regulus hated being vulnerable. Sirius didn't deserve his vulnerability. He sure as fuck didn't deserve his tears but seeing as this might be the last time they get to meet, he held his tongue and let himself get a little soppy.

“Hey,” he said, trying to keep his tone as even as possible. His heart was thudding inside his chest and he wondered if Regulus could hear it, could feel it.

“It'll be okay. Don't worry. You'll be okay. I'll be okay. Everything will be okay.”

Regulus shook his head.

“Try and win. You can win.” He said, pulling away from Sirius and looking at him. Sirius hated him for this. He hated him for expecting this from him. He hated him for feeling guilty and for being vulnerable now. But more than that, he knew he'd miss his little brother.

“Maybe,” Sirius whispered and the hope in Regulus's eyes was enough to spark something in his own heart, a small flame of conviction lighted. He tried to squash it down but it was difficult when Regulus was looking at him like that. He hated him. He loved him.

Regulus pulled out the black family heirloom and pinned it to Sirius's shirt, right above his heart. Sirius almost wanted to scoff. If his grandfather knew that his precious heirloom was being given to the sodden and ill mannered grandson of his, he'd have a stroke.

“To keep u safe,” Regulus whispered and stepped back. Sirius nodded, hoping his expression wouldn't betray him and give away everything he was feeling right now.

The peacekeeper entered again. “It's time,” he said. Regulus turned without another word and left with him. The door slammed shut behind him and Sirius took a deep breath.

With monumental effort, Sirius turned away from the door and made his way to the window. He wanted to run away. He doubted he would make it past the door.

[wizardsix]

I can't remember who said this but there was this one dev who said that when making romanceable characters they have to be attractive in some way (personality, looks, not too morally fucked up etc). and since I read that, the statement hasn't left my mind and I'm very aware now of whenever outside influence and modern discourse get to me or other writers. like just yesterday I found myself rewriting a scene to be more "comfortable" to witness, even though the point was to be emotionally charged and face a difficult topic the character had been actively lying about. but some things can't be glossed over. sometimes it's good when media grabs you by the shoulders and makes you face horrible shit. it's good when media makes you uncomfortable even if it's coming from a ~romanceable companion~. that means it's working. if you remain comfortable forever you learn nothing.

I bring this up bc the veilguard companions are the perfect example and victims of the "romanceable characters need to be attractive" mindset. they don't have ugly sides, they don't fight with each other--and I mean really fight--they don't have controversial opinions or do problematic things. they don't ever question your authority over their lives and why you're the guy in charge. they are nice and perfect and their problems aren't really that serious and can be fixed by simply having a therapy session w rook (bc being possessed or gaining new magic isn't a big deal in a world where previously such events are Very distressing and hard to control). they are further proof that trying too hard to make something attractive has the complete opposite effect if your brain isn't the size of a pebble.

it's overall very frustrating that big game developers continue to be so spineless and I'm not giving anyone a pass for shallow writing, especially from a franchise that is known to have complex characters. none of this is impressive after the first three dragon age games, which were well loved and dissected and debated for years after their release. that isn't to say these games don't have kind characters, having that balance is why I personally like dark fantasy and liked what the dragon age games offered (whenever the writing was good..). it's not dark for the sake of being dark (see grimdark), there's a reason why these things are happening, and in this world no one is completely innocent even if they have good intentions. most people like when their characters aren't always kind or agreeable, bc it's extremely rewarding to finally find that middle ground (of course I have to bring up larian, who made bg3 and proved just how much people appreciate flawed characters, see astarion). conflict is the driving force of a story, no matter what it is. even the most sickeningly sweet cozy slice of life story will have some kind of conflict. it's unavoidable. that's life. taking that away is setting yourself up for failure and all that remains is a boring story full of boring people. no one cares about characters who have their lives together.

(the post is technically over but I wanted to put some final thoughts under the cut bc this got longer than I meant)

I want to go back to the statement real quick... like i do agree, it's true as writers we'll subconsciously (or consciously if you're insecure) try to make our characters appealing, but this is the common trap writers fall into by giving a shit about what others think and want from Their work (which btw I fully believe in writing what you want even if it's "bad" because something with genuine soul will never be as bad as soulless cashgrabs). romanceable characters can and should be as flawed as you'd make any other character, bc trust me there's an audience for everything. even a random npc with two lines will be attractive to someone.

the pressure of an imaginary audience is what pushes writers into a corner and prevents writers from writing and exploring what They want. it's the writer's story first, not the audience's. I think the romanceable companion trap can be easily avoided if writers just 1) grow a bit of a backbone and 2) ask themselves if this is even a necessary or insightful mechanic that will help develop a character further. ask themselves if this character even has the capacity to handle a romantic relationship bc everything else is subjective and it's impossible to appeal to everyone (which apparently this is a controversial take). I won't sit here and pretend that I don't appreciate a good romance, but sometimes all someone really needs is a friend.

obsidian is a good example of self aware devs. they tried to do romance for pillars of eternity 2 bc of fan demand, and it didn't work very well. now for avowed, they didn't explore romance bc they know it's not their strong suit and don't feel it's necessary for this story, instead that time and effort went to developing the characters in other meaningful ways. I have nothing but respect for such a decision bc they know what they want from their story instead of lying and trying to be everything at once. less is more as they say.

[jakey-beefed-it]

So ages ago I was diagnosed as "type 2" bipolar, which presents as "major depression for long periods of time" and "shorter, less intense mania" literally called "hypomania." Which, okay, I guess that described me in my 20s when my life was falling apart, right? But not perfectly, and brains change as you get older, so who knows.

And so, it's been so long since I had a manic phase that I legit was starting to think "Nah, I'm just a regular depressive who sometimes gets ADHD hyperfocus and knocks out a bunch of creative projects" but uhhh here we are again. Mood's a bit wobbly but energy level is high. Higher than I'd like. Uncomfortably high.

You know, manic.

[torchickentacos]

do you have any pokeani fic recs for the classic vibe (read: the content is unhinged and wild)

Referencing this post- long reply but I give a few pointers in these fics' direction at the end!

I'm gonna be so honest anon, I'm not sure I want to actively rec some of them 😭 A lot of them are very of-their-time (usually 2007-2013) and, while HILARIOUS, often contain things that I really don't want to 'recommend' (homophobia, sexism, a lot of slutshaming, some REALLY out of pocket stuff that is not properly warned for, etc). OBVIOUSLY I am not reccing the yikes of things so much as the rest of it (the hilarious unhinged side), but the current fandomscape leans bad-faith and assumey and I'm just not keen to fuck around and find out tbh. Ye olde fic reccing takes a level of understanding of other time periods and attitudes and customs in fandom and on FFN that I'm... not sure that all of tumblr is always very good at tbh lol. If you guys really want me to and if we can all understand that it was a different time and that enjoyment of batshit insane fics does not equal agreement with everything said or depicted in them, then come back and I'll consider it again. But for now, I'm MORE than happy to tell you guys the best ways to find them on your own lmao. It's not hard once you get it down, and anything I'd rec, I've found through this method.

First off, FFN's search system is just frustrating imo. Between a less-than-intuitive UI and people not bothering to tag characters and ships and genres properly, using it the same way you'd filter stuff on Ao3 is a fool's errand (unless you're doing it by word count/completed/etc, which is objective and automatically tallied I think). You're better off using key words. I usually ignore the filters. The only thing I filter by is fandom at the start page (all of Pokemon is under 'games' in FFN and I don't bother narrowing it down to animeverse personally due to aforementioned mistagging or an entire lack thereof).

So, what key words do I use? When looking for that specific brand of insane campy 2000s kitschy wild unhinged stuff, I usually default to searches like "PS CS IS" (poke contest ikari, there's a lotta stuff in there, sometimes there's ORS/LGS/OS/ES/AS etc and you won't always know the acronym and it's just a surprise tbh) or trope related searches like "Assassin" or "High school" or "Vampire" other words you might find in a summary. You can also search by character names (in the search bar and not in the actual filters, which are not reliable in my experience). I'd say to go for tropes and AUs as far as keywords go. I'd ALSO say to not filter by completed, because that'll filter out a lot of two-week-passion-projects that someone dropped as soon as it got flamed, and there's some fun ones in there.

That's about it, but if you find one good fic then it's worth checking the rest of what the writer has. A lot of them have a bunch of unfinished fics and there's some hidden gems. Have a good time reading, and the search is half the fun! Come back with any funny lines you find if you want :)

[msbhagirathi]

A Tribute To ARRTI (FF by meera30) Part 1

Link to the OG story

You remember that scene from part 3 where both Khushi and AV were staying over NK's house at the weekend? The morning when Khushi woke up in a happy mood and subconsciously made two cups of tea? We were robbed off the many things that the author could have given us. Let's create something in that line. Aao. :)

“Stop.” She whispered as the moment froze and silently melted into her veins. Why? Why had she said the word? She didn’t want him to stop. She…Her throat clenched as she blinked and shifted from her place.

She scrunched up her eyes shut. Already frustrated of trying to avoid what she wanted so bad. She felt heat surrounding her senses and a warm breath fanning her face. He came closer to her if that was still possible.

He inched up his hands slowly towards her back and placed them on her back ever so lightly. He knew her state. He knew she was feeling conflicted. She was trying to fight the 'potential betrayal' that she could face again if she so happened to trust him again. But, the attraction was becoming as strong as powerful gusty winds, difficult to resist by each passing day.

He understood her turmoil because he too was in the same turmoil. Trying to figure out what exactly was going on with his heart nowadays.

He saw her eyes relaxing but remained closed. Her lips trembling ever so slightly. She looked so kissable at that moment. He could literally kill to kiss her at that moment. But she had whispered him to stop.

He had given her the options. And she had chosen to stop.

He closed his eyes, took off his glasses and placed his lips softly on her forehead.

I love you Khushi.

He gingerly pulled back a little to gauge her reaction. She looked so calm and peaceful.

He felt his eyes welling up with the intensity of emotions running inside him. He felt guilty for running away and never contacting her back ever again. He felt angry on himself. He felt pitiful for himself.

He could literally go down on his knees and join his hands to beg for her forgiveness.

And even then she would reject me and my apology.

He slipped in his glasses and slowly peeled himself out of her space and left the kitchen.

Khushi opened her eyes only to feel cold chilly air surrounding her devoid of the heat that had enveloped a few moments ago.

She instantly missed his presence.

His gaze.

On her.

The warmth.

She turned to the counter behind her only to find two mugs of tea innocently sitting on it, waiting to be sipped. Already in the brink of going down the room temperature.

She quickly picked up the mugs and went off towards the attic where he had spent the night.

She went up the staircase. Her steps slow and tentative. Confused as she was, by the un-seen part of Nishant Sir's beautiful house.

She knocked the door but no one answered. So she walked in.

The interiors were as beautifully furnished as the rest of the house had been.

Two single beds occupying the two extreme sides of the attic, covered with plush silk bed covers. Sets of three pillows arranged neatly on it. A miniature sized rocking chair placed somewhere in the middle of the room. A window being the highlight, the central part of the room, sunlight running in through it, with full galore. The roof above, bent to the sides, giving it a somewhat triangular shape. A carry bag resting on one of the beds indicating it's owner.

"Wow."

The only word she could manage to whisper out.

Someone behind her cleared their throat. She came back from the trance, she had slipped into. She started without a preamble.

"Hi. Listen I accidently made an extra cup of tea so I thought I could give it to my.. AV sir so please let him know when he comes back."

She quickly went up to the window and placed the cup securely at its edge.

When she turned back to leave, she saw her AV sir smiling back at her with his smile that had the potential to make her nervous and jittery irrespective of what age she was or had been; today or a decade back.

"I didn't know I was yours Khushi." he exclaimed.

"You never told me that you have such a strong sense of possessiveness towards me." he whispered walking towards her with that slow predative pace. His voice barely a rasp.

He was again standing as close to her as he had been a few moments ago in the kitchen.

At this point, Khushi was fighting tooth and nail to avoid looking at his lips.

Hey shivji why did it have to be him out of all the people in this whole damn house? Why do you hate me so much?

Clearing her throat, she averted her gaze and mumbled, "I was going to say my boss but then I thought it was better not to, so I said AV sir instead."

I so wish I could acknowledge the possessiveness I feel for you dammit. Fuck.

But Arnav Varun was on cloud nine. Even if it had been a moment of confusion and yet the universe had conspired for him to hear the words right from his lady-love say out loud to him.

He started walking towards her with some unknown kind of hunger. The desire still thrumming through his veins were yet to subside when universe once again conspired to throw him in front of her.

He kept taking ~oh-so-slow~ steps with that fixating gaze.

His gaze was making her nervous she started stepping back. One step at a time. Until there was no space left to step back. She was trying to avoid looking directly at him. At his eyes. Those honey brown sunrise-irises cutting through the invisible but ever-present lens of his rim-less glasses. Few strands of his hair falling down on his forehead from the side, making her want to run her fingers through them.

She was trying so hard to suppress the urge to do something. Anything.

Running her fingers through his soft and silky tresses.

Running away and out of this room, and perhaps out of Detroit itself.

Pull out his glasses and hold his face with both her hands.

Pushing him away from her and giving him an earful for violating her space twice in a row this morning.

Yank him out his t-shirt and run her fingers through the entire expanse of his torso and the angry gash that ran about the length of his arm.

Hey shivji! Yeh hum kya-

He looked at her face, eyes scrunched up shut, glasses slightly displaced upwards, lips trembling chanting something incoherent.

He swallowed on his own saliva. At that exact moment, he stood so close to her. He could see each and every fiber of her being at a microscopic accuracy.

Her scrunched up eyes and nose, her li-

I need to step away.

I need to stop.

Khushi has told me to stop.

Arnav, rukh jao.

He closed his eyes and commanded himself to step away-

Bas ek baar..

Jyada nahi kuch...

He opened his eyes only to find her looking at him with an ardent curiosity and something else he didn't want to name yet.

He bent down towards her slowly.

But she might have gotten some other idea as she again closed her eyes shut. A strange sense of anticipation overtook her whole being.

He slowly extended his arm to grab the mug that she had earlier placed. The tea having already become as cold as a chilled glass of water.

Koi baat nahi hum isse garam karke pilenge.

Isse kaise chhor sakte hain..

Yeh humare liye Khushi ne banaya tha.

Nevertheless, he picked up the mug and stepped back and walked away, having already understood the idea that she might have gotten when she saw him bending towards her.

Kamaal hai khud mana karne ke baad khud hi ekdum ready ho gayi.

Khushi aapne hume maar dalne ka faisla kar hi liya hai shayad.

A wistful smile appearing on his lips, he walked away with a heavy heart.

Khushi breathed a sigh of relief and disappointment.

SHIVJI! Hum aapse baat karna hi chhor denge. Aap humesha hume uss-

Stomping her feet on the floor, she humphf-ed and left the room to get ready for their departure.

When she came out of her room into the main hall she could hear music flowing out from the den. Toweling her still dripping hair she went down the staircase only to come face to face with the man who she could kill to avoid.

He was showered and dressed up in a beige turtle-neck, sleeves rolled up to his forearms (HEY SHIVJI.) dark blue jeans, with a pair of woolen flip-flops on either foot. Hair washed and gelled back neatly to perfection. The frame of his rimless glasses matching the color of his turtleneck.

She kept ogling at him until someone in the room cleared their throat. She looked away and found Nishant sir and Divya ma'am smiling at her sheepishly. The rest of the gang busy in setting up the instruments. She smiled back at them feigning innocence and settled herself on the couch.

Out of the corner of her eyes suddenly she saw AV moving around the den and picking up his guitar. He settled himself on the his favorite bar-stool and put his guitar on his lap gently.

Within a few seconds, the room was filled with music again and everyone else listened to it. The den earlier springing with music and chatter, surprisingly became as quiet as an examination hall.

"Chhupana bhi nahin aata

Chhupana bhi nahin aata

Jatana bhi nahin aata..

Hume tumse mohabbat hai

Batana bhi nahi aata

Chhupana bhi nahin aata

Jatana bhi nahin aata..

Hume tumse mohabbat hai

Batana bhi, nahi aata

Chhupana, bhi, nahin aata

Jatana, bhi, nahin aata..."

To say Khushi was shocked would be an understatement. Not because of the choice he had made but because he had sung the lines looking directly at her. With an un-flinching, un-wavering and un-disturbed gaze trained on her. Just her.

"Hatheli par tumhara naam,

Likhte hai, mitate hai,

Tumhi se pyaar, karte hai,

Tumhi se, hi kyon chupate hai

Tumhi se, hi kyon chupate hai

Juban pe baat hain lekin

Sunana hi nahin aata

Hume tumse

mohabbat hai

Batana bhi, nahi aata

Chhupana, bhi, nahin aata

Jatana, bhi, nahin aata.."

She saw a sad smile pass his face when he broke the eye-contact he was meticulously maintaining a few lines ago. As if he really had done..

No Khushi. Stop day dreaming. Aisa kuch nahi hai..

He is just singing a song. Bas. That's it.

His voice flinched a little this time. He kept looking somewhere down while singing.

"Chori chori

chupke chupke

Tumko dekha karte hai

Hey..Chori chori

chupke chupke

Tumko dekha karte hai

Haale dil sunane se

Na jane kyon darte hain

Na jane kyon darte hain

Kitna pagal dil hai mera

Manana bhi nahi aata

Hume tumse mohabbat hai

Batana bhi nahi aata

Chhupana, bhi nahin aata

Jatana, bhi, nahin aata

Chhupana bhi nahin aata

Jatana bhi nahin aata

Hume tumse mohabbat hai

Batana bhi nahi aata.."

As the next stanza came about a new energy singed through his stance. Slowly and gradually she realized that his cheeks were turning into a tint of pink.

She couldn't quite understand this set of incidents. Was he really in lo-

Did he really loved her?

Suddenly her phone's ringtone tore through the beautiful tranquility that the room had been surrounded with. She turned out its volume and quietly excused herself out of the den, unknown to a longing gaze by a certain someone as the song came to an end.

[Psst...psst idhar aao @arshifiesta this is my latest submission along with this whole damn blog that is, lol.]