#i am a grad student and i am tired
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@ v*ltron what if they had smooched a little huh? what then?? you scared to find out???
#i just think it would have been nice !#if they had kissed a little !#just a quick one this evening#i am a grad student and i am tired#anyway i think this feels accurate#lance is cute and ready to be smooched#and keith is holding his breath stressed out of his mind gonna die#love them#klance#klance fanart#my art#vld fanart#lance mcclain#keith kogane#mwah mwah
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The adventures of the Wizard Sorrow & Boshi (working title): a WBN Umora OC comics collab with @yeehawpim!!!!!
Pim did the story + layout and then let me run wild (and pop in at odd hours with questions about Boshi's design) See Pim's mad composition genius + OC lore over here Sorrow lore here & here
👀 more to come perhaps 👀
#wbn pod#wbn oc#wwwo oc#wbn fanart#yeehawpim#ribbittrobbit#original comics#fan comics#my art#comics#is sorrow a self insert?#who is to say#i am also tired#and i am a grad student (albeit in a non-academic field)#worlds beyond number#the wizard the witch and the wild one#the wizard sorrow
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Horrible: last day of conference. consider skipping because exhausted.
except it has the gall to be interesting. disgusting. AWFUL. jail for conference for 10,000 years
#entertainingly I have hit the age where I'm too fucking tired and run down to hit a conference like a baby twenty something#day job#my grad students are all O_O why does PI not come to ALL the meetings tho#and I'm like. kids. as the disabilities and responsibilities and aging accumulate you start having to pick and choose what things to see#anyway I'm going but I'm mad about it because I would like to go back to sleep very badly#I'm not PI but she's 5-10 years older than me and I am 5-10 years older than the grad students so#fuck they make me feel ancient frequently#“don't tell me how scary it's going to be to be 26!” girl. it was exactly like being 25.#breathe. you infant.
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19.11 | sometimes a day is just:
(various methods of transport) (therapy) (too much time spent on finding a coffeeshop to study in) (work on assignment) (various methods of transport) (home)
#i did have a delicious caramel chunk latte but man am i tired#studyblr#study aesthetic#grad school#study motivation#studyspo#gradblr#student life#graduate student#grad student
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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I am so tired of the Gaza spam bots. I'm broke. I have a real horse and I'm thinking about adopting a Deaf cat. I don't have the money to throw down holes that I don't know the bottom of.
Any scammers reading this, fuck off.
#dispatches#original content? on this blog?#kiri rambles#discourse related#in light of recent events#kiri is tired#Deaf Cat#I am a grad student with a horse. I don't have money to spare#SOOOO many of those posts scream scam#I report and block#I'm so tired of ebegging
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Exploring new cafe + revision
#student#studyblr#studyinspo#studies#post grad life#chaotic academia#dark academia#post graduate#study motivation#iced coffee#hot day#study with me#study session#study aesthetic#i am just tired#i wanna sleep#late night studying
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Anyway. Meeeee :3
#i love this picrew#unfortunately am very attached to my borf icon#but it’s me! tired overworked grad student with acne
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I probably won’t do this since I don’t think I’d have the time for it because of grad school (and I don’t really feel like my art is worth people paying for lmao) but I’ve been kind of thinking of maybe opening up commissions to make a bit of extra money. Probably won’t do it since I need to focus on finishing my dissertation but it’s a thought.
#text post#grad school pays me below minimum wage 🫠#hopefully once I get a job or postdoc I’ll be making more money#although I do scientific research for a living and my government seems to want to defund that lmao 🫠#why am I cursed to always graduate during or right after election years 🫠#maybe I should look in Canada for jobs I really don’t know if I can have a stable career in science in the U.S. at this point#I’m not struggling financially at the moment I can pay all my bills and I’m not suffering#it’s just hard for me to build up my savings because most of my grad paycheck goes to rent food and utilities#I’m so glad I’ll be finishing grad school this year I’m so tired of being a student#I just want to finish my PhD and then get out of here 🫠
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for me, the scariest feeling is wanting something because then it leaves me open for disappointment. wanting something so much is so vulnerable because it pushes me to put myself out there, to take risks. it’s so much safer to not want anything because then i won’t be disappointed, but i can’t help this deep feeling of want.
#academia#grad school#finals week#undergraduate#undergraduate student#am i vague posting about academia?#yes#i want to go to grad school#and that is so scary#i am so tired#end of semester
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so being a grad student isn't as fun or romantic as I thought it would be
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Okay but obi wan and Palpatine definitely have regular hate tea sessions those few years of anakins apprenticeship
#Star wars#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker#sheev palpatine#Obi wan Palpatine divorcie au#Tire over caffeinanted grad student obi wan#Vs some “kindly” old man who wants to meet with his new kid alone#Palpatine: subtly: anakin why does your master hate me I am simply trying my best fir the people#palpatine: I just am so amazed at how talented you are my boy and the jedi are so limited#Obi wan: who has started injecting caffeine directly into his veins who hasn't slept bc anakin doesn't know how to shield and has nightmare#:can't put my finger on it but this has bad vibes. Besides anakain#You always have to do the opposite of whatever a politician wants its the rules#This continues for years until anakin is like 15 or 16 and obi wan decides he cam go out on his own if he wants to.#And if anakin wants to spend his time with politicians that's his bad decision to make
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I think one of my biggest fantasies in life is being able to live somewhere/with someone that I can come and go as I please. Have my own car, not have to rely on other people or explain why I can’t be home of take care of people/the dog/etc. at all time. People think I’m greedy for wanting a well-paying job but having to take care of people you’re dependant on is really shitty and money would 100% solve this problem.
#such is life#I look forward to finally getting my drivers lisence#my mom only let me practice because I convinced her it benefits her#I have a grad student scholarship that's ending and no idea where more money is coming from#I mean I am ta-ing but I'm not earning enough to pay rent somewhere#and I have a dog to take care of#I love daisy but she's a lot of work#and my mom is pretty useless#so she needs me to do nearly 100% of the work#I'm 30 why is it so hard to leave#I have no external support#why can't one person in my actual life see that my home life is shitty and help me get independence rather than just make fun of me#I'm tired of being a caregiver to someone who should have raised me#I never got to be a teenager so I don't know how to have fun so I have to pretend or people don't like me#if I've learned anything it's that all love is conditional#if you think otherwise you just don't know what the conditions are#sorry for ranting I just don't have another place I can be honest about stuff#this is a roundabout argument for ubi I guess?#having the means for financial independence and a social safety net should be someone everyone has#I know a lot of people have it much worse too#I guess this is why I need to find a good partner and create a version of myself that is appealing to them#I would kill to be loved for who I am when I'm not making myself into things but I also gotta live#and these things don't go together
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#i started the semester off with such a level head but ive walked myself further and further toward i ledge i can feel crumbling#out from under my feet. i sit in small rooms where i feel the stress radiating from my chest down into my limbs. disappating into the floor#it makes me want to run and run and run but im so tired and the sidewalk is icy slick. and i feel like im at the limits of my abilities#and i know every grad student has that worry but what if its true. that i have a void behind my eyes and not enough depth of thought#anywhere it matters. how am i supposed to operate in this system when i can barely string together the words to understand what im reading#and itll never be any easier. what if im at my functional limit? what if i caught fire and burned away to ashes? what if i screamed and#kept screaming until someone told me patch up the open wound in my chest? what if i just stopped?#what if i could just let go of any need to feel like i have a purpose? what if i could just live? and feel the wonder of the things around#me. let go of all my emptiness#move at a pace that isnt breaking my neck. feel anything close to joy or if that's too much to ask then let me at least feel stable. just#for a while. just a little while.#and i know itll b fine. and i know im just being whiny bc things are hard and theyve been hard and theyll always be hard bc i refuse to make#things easy. but i just feel like im standing alone on a beach where the water's been drawn too far back#and i can see it rushing toward me faster than i can run. im just waiting for the tsunami to wash me away to nothing#unrelated
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AHHH My MA paper has been officially approved and accepted for my program!!!
#AHHHH#TWENTY SPREADSHEETS FILLED WITH PIGMENT USAGE DATA LATER#blood sweat tears and alcohol#it’s 86 pages with the bibliography#63 or so with just text!#he’s a beast and a labor of love#from me to Bronze Age Aegean pigments#murex and Egyptian blue#the loves of my life#I will be getting a tattoo of you Eg blue#I am only more certain of it#I stayed up so late and worked so hard on it and cried so much over it and ranted to me friends an ungodly amount of hours#tarantulahawkmoth proofread so many of my emails over this thing#thank you for that friend#personal#I am so very tired#but so very happy#help a grad student out#help an undergrad out
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looking at my class schedule for next semester and i do not know how i can structure job hours around this lmao
the only way to get me to 32 hours is if i work every day except for sunday and tuesday (which i will have three classes on)
sure i could do it but i feel like id be kinda miserable lmao
#i commute to school as well so thats something to take into account. not a bad drive but it's not just walking from a campus apt either#looking at grad students on reddit threads makes me feel crazy because theyre fine with having no free time or social time#but that isnt even taking into account CHORES time. when am i supposed to go grocery shopping and cook and do laundry and clean#already struggle with this now and i definitely have had the time this semester but since my disastrous last job i am like. exhausted the#minute i get home#idk im tired all the time. and combined with the Throes of Mental Illness im barely getting that stuff done#so what is normal functioning. what am i supposed to be able to accomplish. is something wrong with me or
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