#i am a grad student and i am tired
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@ v*ltron what if they had smooched a little huh? what then?? you scared to find out???
#i just think it would have been nice !#if they had kissed a little !#just a quick one this evening#i am a grad student and i am tired#anyway i think this feels accurate#lance is cute and ready to be smooched#and keith is holding his breath stressed out of his mind gonna die#love them#klance#klance fanart#my art#vld fanart#lance mcclain#keith kogane#mwah mwah
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The adventures of the Wizard Sorrow & Boshi (working title): a WBN Umora OC comics collab with @yeehawpim!!!!!
Pim did the story + layout and then let me run wild (and pop in at odd hours with questions about Boshi's design) See Pim's mad composition genius + OC lore over here Sorrow lore here & here
👀 more to come perhaps 👀
#wbn pod#wbn oc#wwwo oc#wbn fanart#yeehawpim#ribbittrobbit#original comics#fan comics#my art#comics#is sorrow a self insert?#who is to say#i am also tired#and i am a grad student (albeit in a non-academic field)#worlds beyond number#the wizard the witch and the wild one#the wizard sorrow
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Horrible: last day of conference. consider skipping because exhausted.
except it has the gall to be interesting. disgusting. AWFUL. jail for conference for 10,000 years
#entertainingly I have hit the age where I'm too fucking tired and run down to hit a conference like a baby twenty something#day job#my grad students are all O_O why does PI not come to ALL the meetings tho#and I'm like. kids. as the disabilities and responsibilities and aging accumulate you start having to pick and choose what things to see#anyway I'm going but I'm mad about it because I would like to go back to sleep very badly#I'm not PI but she's 5-10 years older than me and I am 5-10 years older than the grad students so#fuck they make me feel ancient frequently#“don't tell me how scary it's going to be to be 26!” girl. it was exactly like being 25.#breathe. you infant.
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19.11 | sometimes a day is just:
(various methods of transport) (therapy) (too much time spent on finding a coffeeshop to study in) (work on assignment) (various methods of transport) (home)
#i did have a delicious caramel chunk latte but man am i tired#studyblr#study aesthetic#grad school#study motivation#studyspo#gradblr#student life#graduate student#grad student
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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moodboard for this past week ❤️
#they should invent a grad school thats not fucking insane#i'm hanging in there but im the most unwell i've been in AWhile#this week was just horrible#there was already the freezer food incident but it also started off with a very severe pain episode thats putting me in constant woe#even mundane motion has been agonizing which is McAwesome bc we had a lab inspection which involved moving hundreds of pounds of equipment#during which we found a blackwidow and rats which we had to deal with and was a whole thing psychologically on top of the physical toll#the new class fiasco is still popping off and i had to respond to at this point over 400 emails in the fleeting moments outside of lab#AND A STUDENT TRIED TO FINANCIALLY BRIBE THEIR WAY INTO THE CLASS ? ?? ?? ?????#then the instructor wanted to use me as a guinea pig and i had to test new circuit boards but I wasnt given any time to do so properly#i had to test them plus get them operational and deal with my incoming students all in a frantic 10 minute window#im in charge of running our meetings too but the instructor was interrupting and having side conversations that made it really hard-#to train the other people on the new equipment in a smooth manner#which meant that a bunch of people had to keep me after to ask questions which made me late for my drs appointment#where i found out i cant get the new covid vaccine bc my heart and blood levels arnt stable enough#and joanns lost an expensive+critical fabric order of mine+i had to give a big presentation this week on my research that was stressful#and my inbox is still blowing up from being needed all over the place between teaching lab and classes and yall i am. so so tired.#im in so much pain and so stressed out#debating the ethics of turning into a pile of lint to escape my responsibilities and mortal frame
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#being back in the lab is giving me whiplash#bc i like seeing all the ppl again. i like seeing my cultures again. but in the one class im taking im worried for the amount of reading#and discussing ill have to do. its going to b very obvious when im struggling to understand what im reading#and thats in addition to the reading ill have to do specific to my project. and my dad's like: ur mental health comes 1st. if it's too much#then step away but if i did that i really would be cutting the cord between myself and ever finishing in this program. ugh. how am i already#more tired than when i was getting up at 3 am and spending 8hrs on my feet?#and this morning. after 3 months of applications i finally have an interview for a government job.#so im like here going thru the motions of being a grad student but im still holding on to my way out#rn my ideal would be that i actually get this job im interviewing for bc it involves growing microbes for agricultural research and i want#to stay a microbiologist. but i would have enough time to finish out the semester before moving across the country yet again.#bc i dont wanna just leave bc i teach 2 lab sections but i dont think i wanna do this anymore#but hey it's only day 2. ive got plenty of time to change my mind#it just sucks and im tired#unrelated
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Exploring new cafe + revision
#student#studyblr#studyinspo#studies#post grad life#chaotic academia#dark academia#post graduate#study motivation#iced coffee#hot day#study with me#study session#study aesthetic#i am just tired#i wanna sleep#late night studying
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Anyway. Meeeee :3
#i love this picrew#unfortunately am very attached to my borf icon#but it’s me! tired overworked grad student with acne
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#i am just so scared that we are going to be stuck in a cycle of relative poverty now due to scribe being sick#like we were doing okay but realizing i'm not going to have enough money from financial aid this year has messed me up#the only reason we were doing okay was because the state was willing to give me money for school. and now they're not#basically entirely because i'm a non-traditional student too#and like what comes next#i want to go to grad school so badly. will it just be more of this?#will i be saddled with so many loans we can never afford to have our own place or feel secure and not guilty for having nice things?#i can't support us both on a student's not-salary#and i'm scared that me going back to school is just permanently screwing us both over now#or alternatively. will i have to give up on my dream so we can live#it was different when she had an income#now i just feel bad and selfish for pursuing something i care about#and like i'm morally in the wrong for not just dropping out and finding work somewhere even if it sucks#i'm so tired. i don't want to be crying about money right now#but here we are i guess
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for me, the scariest feeling is wanting something because then it leaves me open for disappointment. wanting something so much is so vulnerable because it pushes me to put myself out there, to take risks. it’s so much safer to not want anything because then i won’t be disappointed, but i can’t help this deep feeling of want.
#academia#grad school#finals week#undergraduate#undergraduate student#am i vague posting about academia?#yes#i want to go to grad school#and that is so scary#i am so tired#end of semester
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so being a grad student isn't as fun or romantic as I thought it would be
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#oh the longer i go without hearing from my preferred grad school#the more my heart sinks#especially since they usually have offer letters out by the end of Jan#AND they interview prospective students on their short list before they send those offer letters out#and im HOPING i haven't heard anything from them yet because the applications are taking longer to go through#idk#im trying to stay positive but its jan 26th and i haven't heard a thing#based on how upset i am just thinking about not getting in.....#if i get a condolences letter i sure hope it's on a day I don't have work#i just want to research titan and Enceladus 😭#and i want to have a large enough stipened that I don't have to pick up a second job while also learning and researching and TAing lol#fuck im tired of being in limbo#☉#tbd
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Okay but obi wan and Palpatine definitely have regular hate tea sessions those few years of anakins apprenticeship
#Star wars#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker#sheev palpatine#Obi wan Palpatine divorcie au#Tire over caffeinanted grad student obi wan#Vs some “kindly” old man who wants to meet with his new kid alone#Palpatine: subtly: anakin why does your master hate me I am simply trying my best fir the people#palpatine: I just am so amazed at how talented you are my boy and the jedi are so limited#Obi wan: who has started injecting caffeine directly into his veins who hasn't slept bc anakin doesn't know how to shield and has nightmare#:can't put my finger on it but this has bad vibes. Besides anakain#You always have to do the opposite of whatever a politician wants its the rules#This continues for years until anakin is like 15 or 16 and obi wan decides he cam go out on his own if he wants to.#And if anakin wants to spend his time with politicians that's his bad decision to make
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I think one of my biggest fantasies in life is being able to live somewhere/with someone that I can come and go as I please. Have my own car, not have to rely on other people or explain why I can’t be home of take care of people/the dog/etc. at all time. People think I’m greedy for wanting a well-paying job but having to take care of people you’re dependant on is really shitty and money would 100% solve this problem.
#such is life#I look forward to finally getting my drivers lisence#my mom only let me practice because I convinced her it benefits her#I have a grad student scholarship that's ending and no idea where more money is coming from#I mean I am ta-ing but I'm not earning enough to pay rent somewhere#and I have a dog to take care of#I love daisy but she's a lot of work#and my mom is pretty useless#so she needs me to do nearly 100% of the work#I'm 30 why is it so hard to leave#I have no external support#why can't one person in my actual life see that my home life is shitty and help me get independence rather than just make fun of me#I'm tired of being a caregiver to someone who should have raised me#I never got to be a teenager so I don't know how to have fun so I have to pretend or people don't like me#if I've learned anything it's that all love is conditional#if you think otherwise you just don't know what the conditions are#sorry for ranting I just don't have another place I can be honest about stuff#this is a roundabout argument for ubi I guess?#having the means for financial independence and a social safety net should be someone everyone has#I know a lot of people have it much worse too#I guess this is why I need to find a good partner and create a version of myself that is appealing to them#I would kill to be loved for who I am when I'm not making myself into things but I also gotta live#and these things don't go together
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had a stress dream that I'd been enrolled in a fifth class this semester and not known about it and that I was failing because of never attending class or turning in assignments
#a sock speaks#grad school tag#I am planning to take a fifth class spring semester just to be sure I suffer as much as possible#I found out the class I didn't get into only had 4 slots available for in-person students bc online students were given priority#nobody else in my Greek class got into it#so it's slightly less embarrassing now#I am so thankful I don't have to present today. I think I'd burst into tears#as it is I'm going to do my bare minimum and go home. tomorrow I'll try to do better.#the stress is really hitting me. not that I can't handle this week but it warps how I envision the future#I remember how tired I get from finals and how much writing I have to do#(60 double-spaced pages of writing for my term papers plus my Hebrew exam)#I think I'll take an incomplete for my longest paper but then it'll still be hanging over my head so I have to at least write the framework#I wish I could look at what I'm doing and see that value of it. I know I love this material and I find it exciting#but I wish I were more excited about what I'm doing with it#if only I had more time
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