#i also kinda wish they were longer
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well i finished my sweater but i dont like it hehe <3
#i am never doing a weird special construction sweater EVER again!!!! until i do the bernadette turtleneck by fabel knitwear#the sleeves? annoying to knit. the sleeve end ribbing? too small. not comfortable.#the overall fit of the body isnt bad despite it being too short even though i tried it on a hundred times to check the length.#but the sleeves were NOT worth it.#and idk how to fix them either i guess I could take them out to before the decreases and just. not decrease them as much.#like theyre not so tight theyre killing me but they are tight and they make my arm fat bulge out#i also kinda wish they were longer#but i reallyyyyy dont want to redo 1x1 ribbing it's sooooo annoying....#t
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🫖🐭☁️🍚
#so i did meet my old friend from years ago yesterday. i was sooooo nervous omgggg. and i was waiting outside the café we agreed on#and then saw them walk in and i was like omgggg. the anxiety... but then i gathered courage and walked towards it and thry saw me thru the#window and came out and immediately hugged me. then they were like 'omg i've been so nervous. even more than before like a date!!'#so that made me relax a bit. i feel like i dont really fully estimate what i mean to them. maybe they care about me as well haha !!#then we just got our stuff and i chose a smoothie and was ready to pay but they just got it with their stuff (they work at this chain so#they got a discount). i feel so so bad & anxious when someone else pays for me. like i feel like a burden#but i asked twice if i should send them money for it and they were like no that's fine. so i had to tell myself to just shut up abt it 🥲#bc if u keep asking u make it into a thing and make them uncomfortable etc. so i really appreciated that and it was nice even if i felt bad#but yeah then we just sat down and talked. and it was so much easier to talk to them than i had been worried abt#like it flew nicely and yeah.. i feel like i forgot a lot abt them. like they're good at conversating. so they kept it going & even if i was#awkward it was fine for them. i did however get swept up in my own anxiety so as they asked me questions i answered#but then was too whirlwindy so i didnt really ask as much back and there were things i wanted to ask but didnt :')))#then they had cards and a card game with them. so we played for a bit too. and it was a lot of fun!!! (i was anxious and kinda slow lmao#bc when i dont know smth or the rules etc already my brain stops working so yeah.. even if it was simple games i was like um um what do i do#felt stupid but yeah again they didnt do anyhing to contribute to me feeling stupid but i still felt slow >.<#but i still thought that was so much fun. i wanna do more of that T-T like yeah...that was nice#then we took a lil longer walk to a bus stop before hastily said goodbye bc the busses came T-T#it was really really really nice tho. i have missed them a lot#and i didnt .. think we would ever see eachother again. i really didnt think this could happen#im so glad i somehow got brave enough to message them and im so so glad they wanted to see me too#i cant help but wish i could go back to when we were younger#and we spent every day in school together and messaged during the days and evenings and spent sm time together#when we went into the city like several times a week and took long walks. ahh... well. im glad we got to have those moments#& idk what will happen now. i really really want to see them again. even if we'll never be that close friends again i'd *wish* that we could#still be in touch. but im so bad at replying which doesnt go over great with them.. i'll try my best to reply quicker to them#*if* they message me. sadly i cant erase my avpd but i'll try my best to reply faster if and when they message)#they also complimented my sweater i was wearing (which is my fav sweater) !!!! and yeah.. they looked so cool. which they always have#and i kept thinking abt how nice their eye makeup was (i was too shy to compliment it tho bc im really bad at like 'nice' affectionate and#anything feeling related. like im so bad... so i couldnt say anything </3)#ugh it was just so nice to sit and talk with them. im so glad i went despite my fears. bc this was so good and nice :')))
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Episode 4 being 34 minutes and ending in the water with a nereid 🤝 Episode 6 being 34 minutes and ending in the water with a nereid
#spoilers#kinda#percy jackson#percy jackson show#pjo#pjo fandom#pjo series#meme#percy jackson memes#pjo hoo toa#demigods#Percy Jackson episode 6#we’re getting so close to the end#I’m excited but also devastated#also I tried to make this meme with a wide shot of Percy w the nereid but it was too murky to make out#tragic#I wish the episodes were much longer but I love it
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My Arisen and Main Pawn for DD2 :D
#dragon's dogma#dd2#I'm so excited 😩😩#I wanted to make an elf and a beastren so bad#I kinda wish their were more hair options#😢#but I'm so happy that you can make actual old people#I tried to make him look a bit older but I couldn't figure out how lol#and I wish you could make the elf ears longer 😢#oh well. i'm happy enough with it as is lol#also I wish their were more unnatural skin tones 😩#there are but they're more subtle than the first game
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wait.... why aren't any of the kyoto students playable 😭
#todo is the only one#this is so sad i wanted to 1v1 everyone as miwa#fie plays cursed clash#they should have added more characters to the roster !!!!#ngl if youre on the fence about buying this game just wait until its on sale instead#while it can be fun its also pretty janky in certain parts#and feels unfinished l#but !!! there are positives too#they add a bunch of slice of life scenes with characters just being silly and hanging out#get to see more interactions its fun#but i wish they were longer and they had more of them#i think ive already unlocked and watched them all#LOL theres this one when yuta and panda are talking about phone wallpapers#and they are like sensei what kinda pics do u use for your wallpaper#and satoru is like oh i used to have some really good ones#he gets cut off before he can keep going#he was def gonna bring up the waka inoue pics lmao 💀
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🧍♀️
#so one of the s.vt concerts for follow again is gonna be on their anniversary#and they're not gonna be in kr and soooooooo many people are upset about it#like kcarats are Mad mad about it#and i'm like. maybe i Am the asshole because i keep thinking is it really such a big issue#i thought maybe caratland was around those dates but it has always been on march#like i don't remember them actually doing something for the anniversary besides special videos#and lives. i'm still looking for stuff because i know that since 2020 things have been different#i get being upset and wishing it was in kr instead but someone literally wrote#''now that your dreams have come true. are we not longer in them"#and i'm like ?????????? because svt keeps doing sooo many things in kr like am i insane#am i really that much of a dick LMFAO because it's not like they're getting nothing also#idk man i'm just kinda baffled at this situation#i would understand it more if they did something special every year for their anniversary in kr#and suddenly they were like actually? we're changing it up#but they never have so that's why i'm very 🧍♀️#and everyone is complaining about jp having so many concerts. like yeah man it makes sense#they sell them out every single time of course the company is going to milk that#td#most likely LMFAO#also feel free to call me out i truly wanna have a conversation about it
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beetle bug is doing better today; yes he squeaks instead of bleats now but he is eating more (enough to make cud at least) and much less sad. which is great! i haven't had to do any more fencing either.
unfortunately i go out to do chores and find maple missing his weird crooked horn and bleeding everywhere. despite this he seemed to not really mind and stuck his head immediately in the hay rack for alfalfa once it was delivered. caught him and put blood stop and blukote on his little stump and it was a real rodeo, and i'm just hoping that i won't need to call in the vet to come cauterise it or whatever.
like damn dude i know i constantly complain that i never wanted to deal with horns but this is not how i really wanted to solve that problem
#i mean also you only broke ONE horn. why not both. just get it over with#maybe if i have to call in the vet i can have her chop his other one off along with turnip's while she's here lmao#i wish horns were like dog nails where if you keep trimming them the core doesn't get any longer....#i am genuinely kinda worried about turnip in the future :/#horns can be so dangerous if you are working closely with that animal on a daily basis. that's why almost all dairy goats are dehorned#but i'm stupid and didn't think i would want to keep turnip so i didn't do it and now it's too late#this is not an opportunity for a debate btw#ag talk
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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those past few days are really testing my patience with some of the takes and opinions i've seen on the internet and i'm so fucking done with all of this i just want to delete all my accounts from everywhere and live somewhere in the woods (as far away from russia as i can) and to never come in contact with another human being again
#i'm so exhausted i just have to rant even tho nobody will care#i have some trouble sleeping because i'm either waiting for another attack to happen#or reading the news about dozens of missiles flying at my country#or hiding in the bathroom while listening to explosions because it's supposed to be the safest place in our appartment#and then i open social media and see all the destruction and casualties and deaths that happened overnight#and at the same time i see people adoring and praising and defending russians and their culture and language#and creaming themselves because of their “mysterious russian soul”#and telling ukrainians that they are stupid and toxic and that what they feel about their killers and occupiers is wrong#well newsflash y'all#russian culture is nothing but blood and death#russian language is nothing but blood and death#it's not just fucking putin doing all of this shit#he wasn't there when ukrainian nation and culture and language were oppressed for literal fucking centuries#did russia invent human cloning for putin to be all those soldiers at the frontline and all those people building drones and missiles?#open your fucking eyes and think for a fucking second#i go to sleep every night fearing that i may not wake up#and then in the morning i see people admiring russians and foaming at the mouths defending them#and then also fucking michael sheen of all people sending his love to them#and i become so insanely pissed#get a fucking reality check#i'm so sick of people excusing russia and its actions#once again guess i'm a walking big bad angry ukrainian stereotype#well that's what war does to you#i won't wish for anyone to experience this but also it may be the only thing that makes some people aware of what a rotten thing russia is#i'm so done and i don't want to feel all of this and i don't want to be a human and i don't want to have thoughts#maybe it's for the best if a missile flies into my room so i won't have to be here any longer and witness all of this shit#(it's a thought i've been having lately and ngl it kinda scares me)#ukraine#russia is a terrorist state#btw i've just discovered there's a limit of 30 tags
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i know muse's (literal) death was unceremonious and underwhelming but there is something thematically satisfying about the villain that made spectacles of his killings die in such a.. bland way
#it happened after his monologue about why he does it as well#unlike his art pieces#he had no real control over his own death#and also the way his actual art was drawn#they usually took up half a page up to entire two-page spreads#and the panel of his burning body was just in a corner lol#i thought that i was maybe reading too much into it until i remember that he says something along the lines of#“you're big! they're small!”#so that's interesting !#idk i was just kinda bothered that people were like#he died so lame!#and it's like Augh not really !?#the build up to his death had a lot to give that contributed to a bigger picture to think about with his character and i think that's#more fun to think about than “i wish he died cooler”#i do wish sam's battle with him was maybe a littlee bit longer though#also also it's kind of neat how no matter what type of backstory you want to give muse#it'd work either way#sorta#like if he had a tragic backstory it'd be like okay! he's regaining a sort of control in life he lacked before#but if he Didn't and was just bored (lol)#then that's him finding or giving his own meaning to life through death#actually i think that'd be neater#since his pieces were mainly commentary above all else#i think that's all i have to say#i am only confident in about sixty percent about what i said but it's finally all outyipee!!#a.talks
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Starscream’s rule was a mess and everything kinda fell apart under him, but at least he didn’t perpetuate fascism or functionalism or plunge the world into a 4 million year long civil war lol
It's okay tho he was sexy while he was doing it. So we can still stan a sexy corrupted leader.
also i am searching for the panel where he said this because i KNOW he said this word for word (or something similar) i am just looking. and yeah i agree. like he wasn't the best, but he also wasn't the worst.
#so many thoughts on starscream's rule#it sucked#but then i think that it was supposed to show that him being the chosen one didn't mean he was supposed to lead - he was just supposed to#be sacraficed which also sucks but oh well#i still don't like 10000% how idw went with starscream - i think he shoulda stayed a corrupted ruler tho#but also back down#and like#not you know get killed or sacraficed#like i do wish there was more for him#i wish he had a redemtpion 2.0#redemption part 1 was actually a failure#but starscream getting another chance after he realizes he no longer wants to#be ruler or want power#like he can still be a little wicked#i kinda wish the writers expanded more on his character#if they were planning not to kill him off#then i would be more forviging#but it's like#i wish he got more growth#i like the hidden message that 'hey this bitch wasn't mean to rule anything actually at all really'#but then give him a chance to be redeemed in a way that brings justice to the character#does that make sense
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This probably doesn't mean much to anyone but me. But I've been dabbling in drawing vent art lately, and after a drew a picture of really young me talking to now me. It made me think about how I've changed through the years just visually. So yeah idk, here's 'me as a brief timeline.'
#Everyone except youngest are based on actual outfits/school uniforms I've worn#i struggled with youngest me I considered just doing another uniform but i wanted to like#capture the whole my parents dressing me in shit thing#i dotn remember it but ive seen the dresses that my mother would dress me in they were like#these smocked girly like things idk was trying to capture that#its also no perfect i cam see plenty of things I wish i could fix but i csnt be fucked looking at it much longer its making me feel#idk stuff its a lot to look at and think about#AceofDragons#vent art#is my face#well kinda fjdjjdd
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I take back... SOME of my negativity about fe:engage. Now that I'm out of prolog hell I have decided the fun eclipses the annoyances. For now.
#speculation nation#engage spoilers/#i still think the ring emblem thing is cheap#... but it also brought me a lot of joy to see and hear Celica again. same voice actress 😭 even if her sprite looks different (worse)#the real separating moment tho was when i went to the side summoning thing and mae showed up. i gasped a little ngl.#apparently i couldnt give less of a shit about marth or sigurd. but celica and the Valentia crew... 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i mean itd probably just be better to play echoes instead of engage if what is bringing me the most joy in this game is Valentia Crew#which. god i wish echoes was longer than it is. it's Easily my favorite fire emblem game#in characters. story. art. music. tactics (LOVE the battle maps)#there is not a single thing i dislike about echoes. aside from the length i guess. but really i just obsessively play it anytime i play#so it feels so short but i do dump a good 50 hours per game. so not Long but not short#ive replayed it like 3 times at least. and god i miss it. i always wanna play it more.#maybe my next game i should play on hard. i enjoy the challenge more lol#uhm. well. ok so engage is still incredibly lackluster in comparison to echoes. but really that's an impossible standard for it to meet. so#other thoughts: i HATE HATE HATE this princess' dress SO fucking much. i though alfred's fucking panteloons were stupid#but her fucking bulb dress is so much worse. and she's not even a healer!!!!! another squishy mage but with a sword too >:(#she came with celica which made it obvious she's meant as a celica copy. but at least celica can heal >:(#i wonder if alm is somewhere. probably in the land of strength??? if i had to guess at least.#ok but the princess' retainers... i actually kinda like them... their voices are actually decent! and that pegasus rider is... 😳#i desperately need another monk. current girl is decently useful as a healer but she is weak as FUCK#the punchy stuff seems cool but i never see it cause i gotta keep her off the front lines bc she's SQUISHY#im warming up to the twins. still hate their voices & i hate when theyre fanboying.#but removed from the protag theyre kind of sweet. plus passably useful in battle.#god i need another healer tho lmfao. pls @ the game give me another healer soon...
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Just finished Love for Sale by Dal Hyeonji... Choe Si-eon they could never make me hate you. Your autistic/alexithymic/bisexual aro-spec swag makes you too nuanced and complex for your average reader wanting a love-at-first-sight feet-sweeping prince charming type, don't worry I love you and so does your tall piece of ass Lee Namwoo!!!
#love for sale#choe si-eon#lee namwoo#my text#im sure theres other ways to romanize their names but ima go with the versions i read#but for real i really dug how mature the story felt#and how interestingly arospec the ml felt despite being the one instigating the getting together#it felt like a true exploration of a romance favorable arospec person that didnt make it feel like a wallowing in the idea of#“woe is me i cant reciprocate! we shant be together!” or “i never actually wanted it in the first place!”#bc si-eon did want to enter romantic relationships! he enjoyed the framework of it!#its just that he never had any romantic frenzy internally and approached it more as a method of caring for another person and being content#but his journey to a demiromantic awakening after learning how to prioritize his own selfish desires (/pos) felt very good imo#i did kinda figure it would have a demi conclusion and reciprocation would happen#but im glad that it wasnt like a “oh ive always been capable of this” but moreso a “i can only experience this bc of this specific person-#-and circumstance“ which is indeed an aro spec experience for some#its not like the story ended in a way that made it feel like just bc si-eon is more healed now that he'll suddenly get consistent-#-and normative allo crushes on random people. it really feels conditional to his experience with the mc lee namwoo#also lee namwoo hot and cute and the art was fire 9/10 wish it was even longer#also whenever their chibi selves were onscreen i imagine they spunded like high pitched mosquitoes talking to each other
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me at 14-15 was very much not well but i dont know if ive gotten better or worse. tbh
#telecommunications/#like on one end im not experiencing somewhat removed family tragedies#which were removed enough to not devastate my completely but not enough to the point i was completely unaffected#and my skin picking as definitely improved. i am no longer picking holes into my arms (although i feel like its kind of a cyclical thing...#but i also currently feel like a worse person and also the effect of some things is much more noticeable now that im “an adult”#or at least older..#idk i was definitely doing worse in some aspects and sometimes i kind of feel like i wish i was like that again.#high school best time of your life my ass but also i kinda get it i wish i was 14 and had an obsession with ppl secretly watching me 24/7#or 15 and desperately fighting off urges to sh (this still happens to a lesser degree)
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reading a magazine because. well i never do that and i think its a strange activity. I think its funny how behind traditional print is from social media, but instead of going its own way this magazine is chasing trends. also like - I wonder what the split is for people who genuinely take pleasure in doing things to do them versus being seen doing them? I don't think it's that shameful to get caught up in the second...its like...indulgent. but i love indulgence
#idk#im so bored#i need this job to start#em yaps#itll be so sexy to be like oh yeah me? no longer unemployed. im an auditor#sighhhhhhh#my second scary thing resolved also - thank god#im listening to a video about sins - i just think the music in the background is beautiful and the mans cadence is so soothing#i wish it was widely seen as a skill for video production that you should have a nice voice/cadence if youre going to do speaking videos...#so many videos ive abandoned because the person is just not a good speaker. in college i did like some monotone professors though#well if they were clearly knowledagble. tax class was maddening because the content sucked not the professor (a lamb)#clearly im like going thru something sorry guys wait no thisi s my blog no sorries#but feel free to block my yap tag#thats why i started using it more regularly#i feel like i want to listen to a bible on tape? i had a good talk w regan the other day about bible theory#but also lowkey...regan dont read this.... i miss wicca i lowkey think i might try to go back to that a little tiny bit it just made me#feel right. i guess bc i grew up with it. but i just feel like with catholicism im never gonna be in the in group? so at least with#my thing i feel on the in group. because its very welcoming#other wiccans#and its very personal and i dont have to play catch up with a bunch of people who kinda want to catch you out and tell u ur wrong and...#correct you. idk. i dont like corrective communication it feels so transactional in that you tried and failed and they want u to feel shame#i should write or something productive. this magazine is kinda lame#some beautiful things#magazine series
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