#i also hope the fact that i got this out atones for the fact that i have wips from forever ago

[starlightandsouls]

Yours To Have, Yours to Break

Summary: What if instead of Nesta, Cassian found out about Azriel and his secret lover. What will happen when the hearty general, in his anger of being left out, causes his brother's happiness to fall apart? How will he atone for his mistake?

A/N: Of course I had to make my comeback with the angstiest angst to ever angst. And that too by turning my fluffiest fic into pure pain. I guess you can say that this this is a spin off of Yours to Keep and Cherish. Also... I know I dropped off the face of the earth but life happens guys. I'm sorta back and here's a fic to make up for it.

Disclaimer: If you're an Elain fan, I would recommend you not read this. I would hate to ruin your day. I do not hate Elain. This is just an idea I got from all the soap dramas I've been seeing recently. Don't kill me please.

Also this shit and not edited. But I was so desperate to post something that I honestly don't care. Hope y'all like it. And yes there will be a part 2

Cassian POV:

As the General of the Night Court’s armies, Cassian had many duties: training soldiers, commandeering battalions at the borders, coming up with war strategies, buying romance novels for his mate and her friends. He wasn’t sure when the last one made its way on his list of responsibilities, or who put it there, but there it was. And who was Cassian to deny his mate?

So that’s how the Lord of Bloodshed found himself standing aimlessly in the middle of the Rainbow, scratching his head, with a list in his hand. Nesta had sent him off to find the newest edition of a Sellyn Drake novel but he hadn’t the slightest idea where to find it. His mate had instructed him to visit a particular bookshop named “The Quill”, being sure that they would have the newest book. Unfortunately, because luck had named him its nemesis at birth, the bookshop was closed for the day. He had asked around and apparently the owner had just left an hour prior to his arrival. Of course, they had.

That is why he had been wandering around the Rainbow, walking into one bookshop after the other, but somehow not one of them had the book Nes wanted. What are the odds of that? How is it possible that only one bookshop in the entire city had this specific book? And why did it have to be closed today? Cassian knew returning empty handed would not only incur the wrath of his beloved mate, but also her Valkyrie sisters. And given the fact that he himself had been teaching them some new disarming techniques, he had no desire to become their training dummy.

While he did not intend on stopping his hunt, he was quite parched. As the summer season approached, afternoons in Velaris became increasingly sweltering. A chilled glass of wine would do just the trick to cool him down, and also relax his nerves. Just as he was deciding on which bar to stop at, he remembered a conversation he had had with Mor the other day. She had told him about a café she had discovered that served the best margaritas during lunch time. Honestly, she hadn’t stopped raving about it for almost a week. What the hell. He was already out in town, might as well try a new place. If it turned out to be good, he could bring Nesta to placate her in case he couldn’t find her book.

Mind made up, he took off to the air, the subtle breeze as he did so, instantly making him feel better. Gliding through the clouds, the twists and turns with wind, were always a guaranteed way of cooling down.

Said café was perched on a hill overlooking the Sidra. He took in the view and the lush gardens outside the café as he landed, and started to walk in. The interior was just as beautiful as the exterior; the décor a blend of elegance and coziness. Oh yeah, he was definitely bringing Nesta here for a date.

He had just given his order to a waitress who looked way too giddy writing it down. Thank the Mother Nesta wasn’t here. Or someone might as well have lost a hand.

Although this is one of the reasons why he didn’t like coming to restaurants and bars alone. Not having company meant he didn’t have anyone to share his stories and jokes with. So, as he waited for his order to arrive, he sat back and took in the people around him; a habit that looked casual enough but was one instilled in him during his years training in the Illyrian camps.

He had been admiring the view from the balcony in the corner when his order arrived. Smiling a thank you, he took a sip from his margarita and damn was it good as Mor had said. He made a silent note to himself to thank her for the recommendation. He was in the middle of another deliciously cold sip, when something caught his eye in the corner of the room, causing him to choke.

What. The. Fuck.

Cassian was sure he looked like a blubbering fish with how his jaw dropped open and his eyes bulged out their sockets. He had to be dreaming or hallucinating from the heat. Yes, that must have been it, the heat had surely gotten to his head. For Cassian could think of no other explanation for the sight in front of him.

His brother, the Shadowsinger of the Night Court, torture extraordinaire, was sitting hand in hand with a beautiful young woman, smiling like a love-sick fool and… eating macarons? Since when did Azriel like deserts? Or the more pressing question: who the hell was he sitting with? Cassian knew his brother liked to keep his lovers secret, but deep down his gut told him this was no mere fling, or one-night stand. For starters, Azriel was smiling like a puppy drunk on love, while bringing the lady’s hand up to his lips to kiss. Cauldron. Just as Cassian had somewhat stopped gawking like a fish out of water, he saw the lady lean over and whisper something across the table, causing Azriel to throw his head back and let out a hearty laugh.

Although he couldn’t explain why, but at that moment Cassian felt a sharp hurt go through him. For he could not remember the last time Azriel had laughed like that with them. Damn it, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had seen Azriel smile nearly as much as was doing now at any family function.

Before he could even begin to process what had unfolded before him, he saw Azriel pay the bill for their food and the couple walked out hand in hand. Immediately Cassian was on his feet, ready to follow them. If someone had asked him why he did what he did at a later moment, he would not have been able to explain himself. At that moment, Cassian was driven only by curiosity and a minor note of hurt too-why had his brother hid this from them?

Rushing out after paying the bill, Cassian saw the happy couple walk down the cobblestone path, once again arm in arm, with the woman leaning against Azriel. Another thing that shocked Cassian: how the hell had Azriel not noticed him by now? Those pesky little shadows normally informed his brother of every detail of his surroundings; Azriel’s own heightened senses and observational skills were what made him the Spymaster of this court. So, for him to not notice Cassian so obviously trailing behind them at a distance, was a testament to how captivated his brother was by the woman on his arm.

At one-point Cassian thought that his brother would winnow with his partner and he would lose them, but the couple continued their stroll without a care in the world. He continued to trail behind them while also maintaining somewhat of a distance. Azriel may not be as hyper vigilant as always, but he wasn’t blind by any means- and Cassian was no small man either.

“Breakfast was delightful, darling. We should plan another afternoon here, what do you think?” he heard the woman comment.

“Of course, but I am oh so very tired. I think I need a few days alone at home with my nightingale to recharge,” Azriel replied with a smirk.

Cassian balked on the inside: okay Mr. I Don’t Need To Resort To Poetry.

“We could always have breakfast here again on Saturday. It is our two-year anniversary, and I intend on spending the day however my nightingale wishes. I think the café can be a brilliant start to our day,” Azriel offered, laughing as the woman swatted his arm at the previous comment.

Reaching the end of the path, Azriel grabbed the woman in his arms and winnowed away, leaving behind a thoroughly perplexed Cassian.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Cassian was convinced he must have stood there for another half an hour before coming to his senses. He then took off to the House of Wind, ready to face his mate and the Valkyries’ collective wrath. And his assumption had been right; the three women had blown up when they saw him return empty handed and had proceeded to go on twenty-minute-long rant. For the life of him, Cassian could not have repeated a single word they had said. Because he had not listened to a single word, at least not while paying attention. As their rage had quelled, Cassian had simple gotten up and walked to his room, ignoring the questioning looks from his mate.

While Nesta was still in the library with the girls, Cassian had retreated to bed. And that is where he was now: sitting in bed, staring at a wall, completely at a loss for words. He could not even begin to process what he had seen, let alone understand what he was feeling. For some reason he could not get over how openly Azriel had laughed with that woman, how alight his eyes had seemed. It was as if the Shadowsinger was glowing with happiness, as paradoxical as that sounds.

And it’s not like Cassian wasn’t happy for his brother-quite the contrary. He was just hurt that Azriel had chosen to hide something like this from him for two years. Two years. The words clanged around his head like the sharp tolling of a bell. Azriel had this from them for two goddamn years. And he had a sinking feeling that if he had not discovered the two of them today, he would not have found out for quite some more time.

But why? Keeping casual flings a secret was no big deal. They all had had ventures they didn’t tell anyone, he was sure of it. But if the couple were celebrating their two-year anniversary, then it must be serious. Cassian could tell his brother was committed just by how he had been looking at the woman. And if Azriel truly was serious about this woman, why would he hide it from them? His family?

That is the part that pierced his heart. Up until this day, Cassian had thought the two of them to be rather close. Sure, Rhys and Az clashed from time to time because of their own attitudes, but he liked to think that Azriel and him had always been close. Azriel was his best friend for Cauldron sake. Whenever he had had issues with Nesta at the beginning of their relationship-and he had plenty- Azriel had been his confidante, the one he went to for advice. His brother had been there for him at the highs and lows of his journey with Nesta.

So why hadn’t he let Cassian do that for him? Why had his brother chosen secrecy when he could have confided in Cassian? It’s not like he wouldn’t have supported them. He knew his brother was secretive and shy, but it was one thing to hide things about his work and another to choose to hide such a major part of his life from his brothers.

They were brothers, they were supposed to support each other, to stand by one another, not keep secrets and tell lies. All of a sudden Cassian saw the past two years in a different light. He recalled all the times Azriel had shown up to breakfast with an unusually cheery mood, all the times he had been rushing to leave family dinner, all the times he had skipped their get togethers with the strangest excuses. How long had this been going on? And for how long had they been so painfully oblivious?

Did Azriel not trust them? No, that can’t be it. Did Azriel think he could not open up to them? Each explanation he came up with seemed less plausible than the last. As he continued to spiral, Cassian began to question whether the two were as close as he thought them to be.

Why. Why. Why.

“You know if you stare at the wall any longer, you’re going to burn a hole into it.”

Nesta. He hadn’t even noticed when she had come into the room, and judging by her amused look, Cassian assumed she had been there for some time. Pushing off the wall she had been leaning against, Nesta walked over and sat by him on their bed.

“I’ve been calling your name for the past five minutes, where’s your mind at?” Nesta asked while pushing some stray strands of hair behind his ear.

Shit. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just tell Nesta something he himself wasn’t supposed to know. If he hadn’t walked into that café by chance, Cassian would have been none the wiser about this whole situation. For whatever reason Azriel was keeping his relationship secret, he didn’t think it his place to reveal it.

“It’s nothing, Nes. Just thinking about Wind Haven. I’m supposed to head up there next week and I already know Devlon’s going to be a pain in the ass,” Cassian tried to divert.

“Since when have you started getting so worked up over Devlon? He’s going to whine and throw a fit, but ultimately he is going to have to do what you say. You’re worried about something else. What is it?” his ingenious mate inquired. How her intuition was so good he’d never know, honestly sometimes he thought of handing over the mantle of General to her, with how good she was.

“C’mon. You know you can tell me whatever is bothering you,” Nesta pushed while grabbing his hand in her own and damn did he melt at that.

“Alright. If I tell you, you cannot tell anyone else.”

Nesta sat up straighter at that, ears perked with curiosity, eyes wide open and eager.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Nesta answered while nodding.

“I’m serious about this Nes. You can’t tell anyone, not even Emerie or Gwyn. No one,” Cassian reiterated, trying to get his mate to understand how serious it was.

“Alright, alright. I won’t tell anyone, I swear.”

Cassian sighed before revealing what was very much not his secret to reveal,

“Azriel has a girlfriend.”

“Wait-what?”

“Az has a girlfriend,” Cassian repeated.

“No, I heard you the first time. But…how…when??? Why hasn’t he told anyone?”

“I have no idea, Nes,” Cassian replied while falling back against the headboard. He once again took to staring at the wall; confusion and hurt running rampant through him again, echoing the same question again and again.

Why had Azriel kept this a secret from them? From him?

“When did he tell you?” his mate inquired.

“He didn’t,” Cassian chuckled, “I stopped at that new café by the Sidra to get some drinks to cool down while I was out for your books. I saw them together there.”

A beat of silence passed between them before Nesta barged on with her questions,

“You seem…upset about all this?”

“I am. Not at the fact that he has a girlfriend, Cauldron no. It’s about time the idiot found someone. It’s just…why didn’t he tell us? Why keep it a secret?”

“Maybe…it’s new? You know Az. Maybe he just wants some time to figure things out himself before he tells you all,” Nesta reasoned.

Cassian let out a bitter laugh before spitting out,

“It is very much not new. The two were planning their two year anniversary at the same restaurant this weekend. Two goddamn years, Nes. He’s been lying to us for that long.”

He wrenched his hand from hers at that. Cassian knew he was being unfair and unreasonable, but he was angry. Maybe he had no right to be but one does not think clearly when in the clutches of fury.

As his previous confusion and hurt settled, they left behind only anger in their wake. That is what he felt right now. Anger. At Azriel, for lying to them all this time, for hiding something so significant. Did he not consider them brothers?

Before he could succumb to the ravages of anger, his darling mate was there to pull him back, as she always did.

“I can feel all that you know. Don’t let your anger override what you know to be true. This relationship of Azriel…it has nothing to do with us. We’re not entitled to anything regarding it just because we’re his family.”

“Oh so what I’m just supposed to ignore the fact that he’s been lying to us about his whereabouts and plans for the past two years, when he could have just told us?”

“No I am asking you to trust Azriel. You know your brother, Cass, probably more than anyone else. You know that he has a reason for everything he does and you know that he would never do anything to hurt his family intentionally. If nothing else, trust in that.”

Cassian sighed a defeated sigh. His mate was right, as she always was. For whatever reason Azriel had decided to keep this relationship a secret, Cassian would have to trust in it. And when the time came, he hoped his brother would feel comfortable revealing the truth himself.

……………………………………..................................................

Little did Cassian know, that despite the fact that he had made Nesta swear not to tell Azriel’s secret, he had unintentionally revealed it to a third. For outside their bedroom clutching books she had meant to return, stood Elain. Elain, who had almost torn the books with how hard she was clutching them. Elain, who’s hands quivered with rage.

This is why Azriel had been ignoring her. All these months she had been trying to get his attention and he had always slipped away. Because of this?? Some common girlfriend?

No matter. Elain would get him back. How could he ignore her for some commoner? Who deserved his love more than her?

As she walked away, already planning her schemes, a wicked thought went through her mind, a precaution in case she couldn’t convince Azriel:

If I can’t have him, no one can.

...............................................................................................

Azriel POV:

The past few days had been the happiest he had ever been. Although Azriel wasn’t quite sure how fair that judgement was. Each hour he spent with his nightingale, he deemed his happiest. And it has been two years of such blissful happiness. Two years together at each other’s side that they were celebrating today.

He had already arrived at the same café they had breakfast a few days ago and was now anxiously awaiting his beloved girlfriend. Honestly, he would have preferred that the two arrive together, not wanting to spend a minute away from his nightingale. But alas, not everything had to be as he wished. As soon as she had woken up, his nightingale had slipped out from his arms (something he had still not forgiven) and had rushed to her book shop. According to her, she had some urgent delivery that she just had to be there for. Therefore she had promised him that she would meet him directly at the café.

That left him, sitting in their favorite spot in the café, with his head swiveling to the door every time it opened, hoping his nightingale had arrived. It wasn’t like she was late, it’s just that he too early, wanting what he hoped would be a great start to a celebration filled day.

“Oh, Azriel!”

He heard his name be called, but his heart instantly dropped, that voice did not belong to his nightingale. Turning around he saw…

“Elain? What are you doing here?”

“What a coincidence, Az! I was just out for some errands and thought I would get myself a drink. I’m absolutely parched! Thank the Cauldron for this lovely café!” Elain replied in an unusually high pitched voice.

“Yes, how lovely…” he trailed off, gaze flicking to the door. He knew his girlfriend would be arriving soon and he would much rather Elain not be here for that… for a plethora of reasons.

“Well, what are the chances of meeting you here Az? And look, you’re alone too! Why don’t we have lunch together, it feels like we haven’t caught up in forever.”

“Actually I’m meeting some…”

He never got to finish his sentence. If someone asked him later what happened, Azriel wasn’t sure he would be able to explain it. One second Elain was smiling at him, trying to grab his hand, the next her gaze turned cold, flicking to something behind him. The next thing he knew, within a matter of seconds, Elain had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and smashed her lips to his.

What. The. Fuck.

Azriel didn’t even process what had happened, didn’t even realize that she was kissing him. Elain. Was. Kissing. Him.

The last thought jolted him out of his state of shock and he pushed her away. Not caring for who saw or heard, he yelled,

“What the fuck Elain? You can’t just grab people like that! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Oh c’mon Az. It was barely a peck. I had barely begun to enjoy it,” Elain replied with a callous smirk.

All of a sudden he did not recognize her; he didn’t recognize the cruelty in her eyes, the indifference in her expression. Where was the kind hearted woman he considered a friend? And who was standing in front of him in her place? When he didn’t say anything, still riddled with shock, Elain continued,

“Well no matter. It may have been short but it achieved it’s purpose,” Elain replied slyly. She inched closer and grazed her hand up his arm and whispered, “if you want to continue, I would gladly indulge you, Azriel.”

He didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with her, why she was doing this, in a crowded café no less. But Azriel was way too uncomfortable to try to find out. He wrenched his arm away from her and was about to give her a piece of his mind when he saw it again: Elain’s gaze flickering to something behind him with a wicked smirk on her face. One of victory.

Hoping against hope it wasn’t what he feared it was, Azriel turned around. And it was like time itself had stopped. For there, at the entrance of the café, with tears streaming down her face, stood his girlfriend, his nightingale. A millennia could pass and Azriel would not forget the raw pain, the betrayal shining in her eyes amidst the tears.

No. No. No. No. No. This is not happening. This cannot be happening.

He took one step toward her, to explain, to make her understand he had no fault in what she had seen. But before he could, his nightingale turned around and left the café.

Not knowing what to do, Azriel followed after her to see her almost running away from him.

“Love! Please! Listen to me, its not what it looks like,” Azriel begged, anguish lacing every word.

“Oh please Azriel. Do you know how typical you sound right now?” He did, Cauldron he did. But she had to understand…

“Darling I would never hurt you like that. I don’t even know why she was there… or how… but you have to understand… she kissed me! I pulled away… I would never do that to you,” Azriel let out. He knew his fragmented thoughts probably didn’t make much sense. But panic and fear were making it difficult to come up with something cohesive.

“Really, Azriel? You don’t know what she was doing there?! For Cauldron sake, Azriel! I know you called her there. You know, if you wanted to break up with me, you should have done it yourself like a man. You didn’t have to use her for it!” his nightingale spat at him.

What? Break up with her? Break up with the one blessing the Mother had bestowed upon him? What the hell was she talking about?

“Love… I don’t…”

“You don’t what? Huh? Have any need for me anymore? Well you don’t have to worry about me getting in the way, please go enjoy your life with your darling Elain?” His girlfriend yelled, throwing out Elain’s name like it was poison.

Vaguely he sensed Elain coming up behind them. How did she catch up with them? His love spat out a wry laugh, before saying,

“Look, she’s here to get you Azriel. Go be with your love.”

Before he could refute it, Elain jumped in,

“Its okay, Azriel. I told her everything. She’s not in the way anymore. We can be together now!”

“Elain, have you lost your mind? What the hell are you doing? Why are you doing this? You-”

“Cut the act Azriel. Go. Enjoy your life.”

And with that his nightingale walked away for good, taking the shattered pieces of his heart and soul with her.

… … … … … … … … … … … …

Azriel stood in that spot like a blubbering fish for Cauldron knows how long. He was smarter than this. He was quicker than this. He knew that. But for some reason his mind felt addled, like it was submerged in some murky fog. He couldn’t think straight for some reason.

What the fuck had just happened? Did it truly happen? No, it had to be a nightmare. It had to be. He didn’t just lose the love of his life. He didn’t. He wouldn’t be able to bear it.

Azriel had almost convinced himself of his own delusion, when Elain’s rustling snapped him out of his daze. The woman had the gall to walk away after everything she just did. Not so fast. He grabbed her by the arm and yelled in her face, propriety and etiquette long forgotten,

“WHAT THE FUCK ELAIN? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?”

She wrenched her arm back and held her head up high when responding, as if she just had just committed some honorable deed,

“I did what I had to. You were never there Azriel. I always tried to talk to you… but you were never there. And to find out that it’s because of her! Some commoner! I couldn’t bear it. But she’s not here anymore, Azriel, we can be together!”

“What?! Are you hearing yourself Elain? I don't love you! Not like that, I never have-”

“BUT I LOVE YOU! WHY ISN’TTHAT ENOUGH!” Elain screamed back.

“You’re out of your mind. You… how did you even find out?”

“Cassian told me,” Elain replied calmly, her demeanor immediately changing. There was something seriously wrong with her.

But her words were what caused his world to stop spinning.

“What?”

“Cassian told me. He saw the two of you together the other day and told me that I would find you here today as well.”

His mind was reeling. Cassian knew too? How? He had been so careful with everything? How had it slipped past him so easily?

Elain patted his shoulder one last time before saying,

“We’re meant to be together, Azriel. I love you so much that I’ll ignore this commoner you were sullying yourself with. She might have left you. But I’m always here for you with open arms.”

And then Elain left, simply and quietly. As if she had not sentenced Azriel to a life without the one happiness he had salvaged for himself in this cruel world.

..........................................................................................

Cassian POV:

Cassian had been sharpening his blades in the training arena, waiting for the Valkyries to arrive, when he felt the wards shift. Someone had winnowed in. Before he could question who it was, he saw Azriel standing at the entrance.

Despite Nesta’s words, his immediate reaction at seeing his brother was one of annoyance. He doubted Azriel was here to confess so the continuing secrecy bothered him even now.

Any rant or anger that Cassian was planning on letting out, disappeared as he neared his brother. Azriel had tears streaming freely down his face, shoulders shaking from the sobs.

“How could you?”

Was all his brother let out. Cassian was at a complete loss for words. His brave stoic brother was falling apart before him and Cassian knew neither cause nor cure. His lion hearted brother who had bared five centuries of pain and trials and had never let out even a wince. And now… It seemed like something was tearing Azriel apart into shreds.

“Az, what’s wrong? I-

“How could you?” Azriel repeated, his sobs getting more and more violent. And each falling tear fell like acid on Cassian’s heart. All previous annoyance was replaced by an overwhelming urge to soothe and comfort.

“How could you? What did I ever do to you?” Azriel cried out again.

“Az… brother… I have no idea…”

“Oh don’t act stupid. Don’t act like you don’t know about my girlfriend!”

Oh. That is what this was about? Azriel knew that he knew? But why was he so upset about it? Cassian didn’t think him finding out warranted such a reaction-

“You knew and you send Elain there to ruin everything!”

What? Elain? What did she have anything to do with this?

“You ruined everything! My nightingale… she’s gone… she won’t even talk to me… She won’t look at me… And it’s all your fault!” Azriel let out in between hiccups of tears.

Cassian knew he had to intervene before Azriel spiraled into a full panic attack.

“Brother, calm down. Alright, yes I saw the two of you at the café, but I only told Nesta, I swear on it. I have no idea what you’re talking about, or what Elain has to do with anything.”

Azriel moved further away from him. The utter betrayal shining in his eyes made Cassian want to bury himself in the darkest corner of the world. He did not know what his fault was but he was ready to spend eternity atoning for it if it meant Azriel would no longer be in the pain he was so clearly in.

“DO NOT LIE TO ME!” Azriel roared, leaving Cassian stunned, “ You did this! You couldn’t bear it, could you? You couldn’t stand the fact that I was happy so you sent Elain to ruin everything. You always do this, you always have to take everything away from me!”

Before Cassian could ask for an explanation or beg for forgiveness for a crime he did not know, Azriel had winnowed away.

Alone, his mind was working on overdrive. What did Elain have to do with anything? Cassian was no fool. He had long been aware of the youngest Archeron sister’s affections for his brother. But he also knew his brother had never reciprocated those affections, had always seen Elain as nothing more than a friend.

How did she know about Azriel’s relationship? Nesta could not have told her. Despite how close the two sisters were, his mate had sworn to him and he knew Nesta enough to know that she did not go back on an oath. Had Elain somehow overheard them? And if she had, what could she possibly have done to cause Azriel so much pain?

So many questions were whirring through his head, not one of them had a coherent answer. But amidst the chaos, a singular thought rang the loudest, and it was one that pierced Cassian’s heart:

What have I done?

[arceus-insanity]

Endeavor Deserves No Sympathy!

I don't understand how anyone can think Endeavor was ever a good dad. It also always comes off as incredibly victim blamie, especially towards Touya, and often Shoto too.

He literally only got married and had kids to use them. He never gave a shit about their well being, never even thought about it until he had the one thing he cared about and was still miserable. I've already gone over the math proving he gave up on achieving his dream himself at 21 at the absolute latest. (https://www.tumblr.com/arceus-insanity/763259515356512256/i-liked-endeavors-character-when-he-was?source=share)

And basic math will once again be used to prove just how little this waste of flesh actually tries.

This time the focus is on how quickly he abandoned Touya and immediately went to emotional abuse via neglect & literally replacing him, and once again risking that more children be born with self-destructive quirks.

For context we only see Endeavor doing anything with his kids that's not him literally walking through and ignoring them in two circumstances. Once when Fuyumi's a newborn and Touya is attempting to crawl (not walk) over to her. And training. Those are the only times he tries to spend with any of them, even after he starts his 'atonement'

Now comparing Touya in the scene of them training and himself as a toddler and all the child imagery this series loves to use instead of actually saving imperfect victims, Touya is at least 3 (probably closer to 4) when he's taken to the doctor and they are informed of his condition

Natsuo is 4 and a half years younger than him.

We know for a fact Natsuo (& Shoto) was conceived after they got the news, not willingly either. Pregnancy takes 40 weeks average, so Touya would still be 3 when Natsuo was conceived. So once again it took this 'man' less than a year to give up and have another child he hoped to use as a tool, and was explicitly making to hurt his existing son. And as I have said plenty of times before, risking that the new kids could be born with the same disorder, I hate how convenient it is that Shoto gets near zero negative quirk side effects.

Want to know what we never see, Endeavor doing something else with Touya and Touya demanding training, it's always him walking past/ away from Touya. Considering all of the shit they've pulled to soften Endeavor's abuse both in the manga and even more so in the anime, they wouldn't skip something like this. It's not hard to tell that Touya's 'obsession with training' is really about spending time with his dad, you know like a human child that literally needs love, proven by numerous studies and research in the real world.

He throws all parenting responsibilities onto Rei, adds more children to that load, and when Touya suffers for it (like everyone else) he does nothing, doesn't even hire a nanny

Another are you kidding me take I've seen is that somehow Touya's quirk issues are worse than Midoriya's and Yuga's. Touya managed to train his quirk to produce blue fire at 13 with zero equipment and less than no help, and only lost control of it, because of the mental abuse Endeavor had inflicted on him leading him to a mental breakdown. And/ or the theory I've only seen once of AFO using his ability to force quirk activation (seen with a passed out chapter 90 during his first confrontation with All Might)

Midoriya was breaking his bones all the way into the Shie Hassaikai arc and was only able to fight because Eri and was breaking support equipment in the following arc as well. Yuga had a support belt all the way back in the entrance exam and was still struggling with that.

Speaking of Yuga let's compare parental effort here, because as much as it backfired Yuga's parents tried a whole lot more. For starters they nearly bankrupted themselves to get him a quirk, so he could feel equal. All For One is a mythic man prior to his arrest, and those who knew of him were shown to be serious long-term villain groups, so they had gone to quite a bit of effort to find that he existed to begin with. They also got him support gear (the navel belt thing) as a kid to help him with said quirk, he literally had it in the entrance exam. Endeavor never looked into that, Endeavor is not only rich too but he's a top hero he would have direct access to support equipment companies that would jump at the opportunity and it never even occurred to him.

Endeavor's name is an irony as endeavour means to try hard to do or achieve something. He never tries hard he gives up incredibly quickly the second there's any road block, but instead of moving on he makes everyone suffer for it. He's a toxic pageant mom who'd rather force their child into a toxic world and a role they don't want than work on himself

And what finally makes him change? Getting exactly what he wanted and still being miserable, and he still expects through his actions his family to cater to him.

Not his son getting a major disability due to his actions, no, he decided to double down, mentally abusing and neglecting the son he supposedly loves, raping his wife who didn't want more kids or participate in this abuse, and again risking that Natsuo & later Shoto might have that same issue. Not when his wife breaks down and permanently scars his precious masterpiece, who proceeds to rightfully blame him, and he just thinks of it as a tantrum despite it lasting a fucking decade. Not when his eldest literally dies as the result of his selfishness. Not literally during any part of this entire process!

Dabi is 23 when Endeavor finally starts to 'try' to be better, that means that for at least 24 years he has only been caring about his fucking precious number one spot in a popularity contest that he couldn't even bother to try to be likeable for, this wasn't one bad decision, this was him constantly choosing to be so insanely selfish that he found ways that shouldn't even be possible for over two decades. And it was all him.

[orphiclovers]

Okay. Long incoherent rambling theory post ahead. Specifically, I want to talk about how the Han Sooyoung 'split' happened/how Han Sooyoung got the avatar skill, extrapolating from canon where I can and headcanoning the rest.

Let's start from what she herself says on the topic. 3rd rounds Han Sooyoung tells Kim Dokja, in a conversation about how 'Avatar' works, that the very first time she made an avatar, she gave it too many memories and it 'went out of control' and ran off. This was a friendly conversation and hsy brought it up herself, so there's not really a reason for her to lie here - this is probably close to how she actually remembers the situation.

Which is interesting because 1863rd rounds Han Sooyoung denies this fact and says SHE is the main body and that she left an avatar behind to act as her. Now 1863 could be lying here to unbalance kdj, they were having a battle of words at the time with lying being an explicit part of the game, but she could also be telling the truth and maybe 3rd just doesn't know she's an avatar (like 49%). we don't get a comfirmation either way so that is left ambigous. So. That's a dead end.

Then, how does the Avatar skill evolve in general?

Kim Dokja says the requirements to evolve it is that you need to be in a creative field of some kind (so you have an 'Author' attribute) + under enough psychological distress for your mind to 'split' in a way that orv compares to DID (in not the most tactful way). It's a rare skill so I'm guessing it probably requires both of these to be true at the same time. A key hint is that we do actually get one other example of someone evolving the Avatar skill on screen. 1863rd rounds Yoo Joonghyuk. It goes like this:

So...not exactly a fun time. But actually I'm sensing a pattern here. Both Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyoung, after evolving and using the avatar skill for the first time end up as two sepetate autonomous entities with their own free will - 1863rd!hsy and 3rd!hsy and white and black coat wearing yjh respectively (Kim Dokja too actually - with 49% 51%). So, I think this might be how the skill functions, spontaneously splitting you in half the first time and then both halves of you can make avatars at will after that. Let's assume this is true for the sake of the theory. This conflicts with the way both Han Sooyoungs describe it - they both say they 'created' an avatar the first time BUT I think neither of them were being entirely truthful.

Let's talk about that second parameter. 'Severe psychological distress' in a way similar to that of DID. How I interpret this, based on what we see of 1863rd!yjh, is that there needs to be some fundemental dissonance of core beliefs that cannot exist or be held at the same time, so requires the soul to split in half. For Yoo Joonghyuk it's 'I want to live/I want to die.' (Although Kim Dokja doesnt get the skill in the natural way, I think this concept still holds true. His dissonance is not so explicitly stated but maybe it's something along the lines of 'epilouge/eternity' i.e 'happily ever after OR atonement for his (percieved) sins'.)

But also there's an element of, how do I say this...'purifying self-destruction' to how we see our trio use Avatar. Yoo Joonghyuk takes the blackened and traumatized part of him that wants to die and kills it with a sword, leaving only the part of him that still has hope to regress to the 3rd round, free and unburdened by the weight of bad memories.

You could interpret 51%/49% this way too. The inherent act of Kim Dokja choosing to use this skill to split his soul in half means he did not see another way foward - that psychological distress and belief dissonance is an inherent part of this skill. 49%, the one who get's the 'happily ever after' does not remember needing Ways of Survival, maybe because Kim Dokja couldn't imagine himself having a happy ending with the weight of those specific memories.

But coming back to Han Sooyoung. Just look at the way she uses Avatar in kaizenix. She is a person who does not enjoy being emotionally vulnerable so in any heavy situation she clings to her dry and witty personality like a shield.

Let's just fully realize what she's saying here. When she says she erased the memories of her life deliberately, what she means is that she created an avatar, a sort of 'black coat wearing han sooyoung' and killed it again and again, every year, so she could keep that sarcastic and light hearted attiude. Otherwise she would have become someone like 1863rd rounds Han Sooyoung - hardened and unhappy. And I mean that she literally was on the path of becoming her - she even got 1863rds skill.

She deliberatley brushes off Kim Dokja and doesn't acknowledge the weight of her actions in kaizenix, both waiting for 50 years and killing parts of herself over and over.

And I think this is the sort of mindset she had while telling Kim Dokja about 'creating' an avatar for the first time. She doesn't see the point in potraying herself as vulnerable, so she probably would obscure some details of that story, for example if she was on her knees clutching her head a la 1863rd turns Yoo Joonghyuk at the time. This would seem like a pointless detail to add when the point of the story was that her avatar ran off.

So FINALLY, here's my headcanon on what I think the original belief dissonance was for Han Sooyoung and how she got the Avatar skill.

The split happened very early on in the scenarios. And well, there is one obvious Big Event that might cause someone to have a mental breakdown/identity crisis. The first scenario. I think whoever Han Sooyoung killed, she couldn't deal with the fact she had become a murderer and 'exorcised' those memories - and so 1863 was born, with blood on her hands, in an already destroyed world.

[wake-me-up-inside-imagines]

Hello, hope ur doing great !!!!

Could you write something about Mafia boss! Charlie if their love got sick ? Like what would he do ? How would he be ?

Absolutely! He'd be such a nightmare to deal with when your sick, good luck. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Technically yandere character but he doesn't really do anything yandere esque here.

Gn! reader

Banner/divider credit goes to @saradika / @saradika-graphics

Charlie x Sick! Reader

Charlie is an absolute menace to everyone when you're sick, including you. You might as well have been pronounced terminally ill with the way he acts, even if all you have is a common cold.

The second he finds out you aren't feeling well, he has his employee's drag the best doctor they can find on short notice to his house, which doesn't take too long considering the fact that he definitely has connections to a couple of medical professionals through his organization. Charlie won't risk taking you out of the house to go to the doctor's office no matter how mild your illness is, so the doctor has to come to your house.

Even after it's confirmed that all you have is the flu and that you're in no real danger, Charlie is still losing his mind. How could he let his darling get so sick? He's meant to protect you from everything all the time, how could this have happened? He's so dramatic about the whole thing, he somehow thinks it's his fault you got ill and that he needs to "atone" for his "failure" as a husband and leader. You feel bad for him, but at the same time, it's really funny to see your normally tough and stoic husband sulk around, a brooding look on his face as he attends to your every need.

Get used to being pampered more than usual, because he's gonna be showering you with love and affection every waking moment he can. Completely cancels every meeting he had on the books until you feel better, those can wait. You need him more. Even if you argue that he should attend to business as usual and that you can take care of yourself, he continues freeing up his schedule, refusing to leave you on your own.

He spends every moment he can with you, only leaving when he's getting you something. The doctor recommended he stay away from you as much as possible so that he avoids getting sick, but Charlie doesn't listen, too wrapped up in making sure you're ok to care much about his health. He has the mindset that you're a weak, fragile little thing in the face of illness no matter how big and strong you actually are, but he's too powerful to ever get sick so he can take the risks he'd never let you take (spoiler alert: he is NOT immune to getting ill, as he'll soon learn).

Every second of the day, he's at your beck and call. Hungry? Thirsty? He has your favorite food and drink ready to go! Need more pillows or blankets? He has five of them in his arms for you! Want entertainment? He's grabbing whatever you're in the mood for whether it be a book, movie, game, whatever! He also makes sure you take your medicine at the exact same time every day. He does not play when it comes to your wellbeing.

Oh, did you think physical contact was off the table while you're ill? Yeah no, absolutely not. Charlie is not willing to give up touching you, no matter how sick you are. As previously stated, he doesn't care about his own health, he'll only back off if you tell him to. You can argue with him all you want about his own safety but he'll remain as stubborn as ever. He's still cuddling up to you, kissing your feverish forehead with all the love in the world. He holds you gently, even more so than before, your weakened state making him even more worried about his ability to hurt you. He still sleeps with you at night, he wouldn't leave you cold, alone, and sick when you're trying to rest! He also can't sleep without you anymore, but we don't talk about that-

Maybe his recklessness when it comes to being so close to you is why he wakes up one day, his head burning and his joints aching. Turns out, his immunity to sickness wasn't as strong as he thought it was. Well, at least he can spend more time with you, cuddled up under the blankets. He absolutely uses his own sickness to be more affectionate with you You tease him endlessly, reminding him every time he complains of the uncomfortableness that this is his fault, but he only shrugs off your words, citing that his love for you was stronger than his need to stay healthy. Eventually, when he feels a bit better, the two of you will go back and forth on who's fault it really is, him teasingly blaming you for getting him sick while you insist it was his carelessness that put him where he was.

Now that you're both sick, he brings some of his employees to take care of the two of you. He pays them extra for doing more than they signed up for, but really all they have to do is bring you two food, water, medicine, and other supplies for a couple of days. Charlie hates having to rely on others to take care of him, but having you there makes it a little less tortuous.

After a couple of days, you both begin to feel a little better. He's sad that he doesn't have an excuse to be lazy with you anymore, but he's happy that you aren't afflicted with such a vile illness anymore. He's also glad he doesn't feel miserable anymore, although now that he's back to his old self, he tries to downplay the severity of his own sickness. You don't buy it for a second, but he still insists he was actually fine the whole time and that he was only avoiding getting up to stay with you. Likely story, but you give him some grace. It's hard for a big tough guy like him to be ill (you say mockingly).

He's just glad you're both better. Now you can get on with your normal lives like nothing ever happened and he doesn't have to worry that you'll die from a fever at any moment.

[rfpetals]

Why I think Ramattra deserves a redemption arc

OKAY HEAR ME OUT. First of all, what I mean by “redemption arc” is a bumpy journey of self-discovery and inner peace akin to Zuko’s. I don’t think Ramattra will ever forgive humanity or join Overwatch. The end goal of a redemption arc that I want to see is one where he finds inner peace and forgives himself for his sins.

Exhibit A: It would parallel Zenyatta which is really cool because I love characters that are foils of each other and follow a similar path with an outcome opposite of the other’s and-

It’s implied that Zenyatta didn’t have the best circumstances before joining the Shambali. When Ramattra found him, he may have saved his life, as the “nearly got him killed” line in Ramattra:Reflections seems to allude to a dangerous situation. Ramattra also set him on the path of the Shambali, where Zen found belonging, purpose, and perhaps inner peace. Ram gave Zen a second chance and he turned his life around because of it.

(Side note: This may be why Zen was so adamant in helping Genji. He knew from experience what a second chance can do for someone. This makes Genji and Ram’s hatred for each other even funnier.)

It’s clear that Ram is not in the best mental state right now. I don’t think normal people attack the planet and subjugate their own people. I believe if Zen successfully reaches out to Ram and (somehow, idk we’re too early into the plot) gives him a second chance to go on a journey of self-discovery, and he does end up finding inner peace because of Zen, it would be a very satisfying payoff and poetic parallel. It would also lean into the implied thesis of Ramattra’s character arc: “You didn’t have to fight alone”.

Exhibit B: Throwing him in jail/killing him off would be a waste of potential

Yes, Ram needs to face the consequences of his actions. Yes, throwing him in jail is a realistic and satisfying punishment. But you know what else is a realistic and satisfying punishment?

Facing worse discrimination from the humans who hated you and hunted your kind to near extinction and also being cast out and feared by the very people you tried to save and now you’re left with the guilt and shame of your ultimate plan to help your people having failed and you’re left with nothing and nowhere to go. Seeing Ram struggle with these consequences, try and fail to be better, and finally achieve inner peace for himself despite everything, would be ten times more narratively satisfying than watching him rot in jail for 10+ years.

Exhibit C: The seeds are already in place

There’s already a lot of foreshadowing and word choice in Overwatch official media that implies that this is the direction that Ram may be heading towards. Hell, even Ram himself has literal redeeming qualities. In one of the Ram Dev Updates, it’s stated that the Narrative Designers wanted Ram to be “exciting, felt understandable, dangerous, and someone you wanted to get to know better”. In the iconic Invasion cutscene, there is a lot of stuff that Mondatta says to Ram, and his reply, “Perhaps, one day, we truly will be together again”, implies he once had hope for peace, which could be a key motivation in his arc, or could lead to a realization he needs. In a 2022 Polygon article, it’s explicitly stated that “players should not think of Ramattra as a villain, but an ‘antagonist’”, again, alluding to the possibility that he’s meant to have an arc. There’s also the fact that Talon is clearly being set up as the bigger, actual villain, and they’re cooking up some sort of plot that leads to their betrayal of Ram. Why else would Doomfist send Mauga, Reaper, and Sombra to steal Ram’s technology instead of just asking him for it? (maybe he did and Ram told him to fuck off)

Ok so, Ramattra gets a redemption arc. What happens? I DON’T KNOW! YIPPEE!! Exhibit D is that Ram is already such an unpredictable and complex character that his journey could go in any direction.

He could try to regain his following, he could atone for his sins, he could return to the Shambali, he could try to reconnect with humans again, he could be an ally of (not join) Overwatch and get to know them, he could wander the world and find the answers somewhere out there, he could see the errors of his ways and try to rebuild the world he destroyed knowing full well that it wouldn’t make people forgive him and he does it because his journey has led him to a path where he finally chooses to do things for himself and achieve the life HE wants and thus fulfilling the sacrifice and wish Aurora made for him, meaning he accepts his own sentience and finds inner peace! What makes the possibility of a redemption arc so fun and exciting is that anything can happen. It’s what storytelling is all about!

Why wouldn't you want that? And why can't I be a little delusional sometimes? If Ramattra ends up being thrown in jail or nuked or whatever, I will definitely be disappointed, unless I am horribly wrong and the foreshadowing is actually pointing to that fate instead.

Anyway Bliz please stop dumping the budget into collabs and pay attention to the lore more thanks farewell

[aspd-culture]

What’s the difference between remorse and shame?

So remorse is inherent to having had done something wrong. While getting caught/the risk thereof, if someone got hurt emotionally or otherwise, the potential for social consequences, etc can *add* to that remorse, none of that is what causes it. Instead it is a societally built instinct that becomes an uncontrollable part of brain development quite early in life, though as we see in pwASPD it can be removed entirely or diluted by circumstances that make it useless, dangerous, or otherwise cause a child to believe other people don't feel that way. That instinct defines a bad and good and if you do something bad you feel this itch to make it up to anyone involved, to tell people what you did, to try and get forgiveness and atone for whatever it is you did, and even after all of that there will still be that feeling of remorse. It is this thing in the pit of your stomach nagging you about what you did wrong - not because of any effect it may have on you, and it occurs even if there is 0 chance it will affect you in any way - and not letting you forget about it.

Shame is a different social response, and in typical development, comes from perceived risk of social consequences (if people found out they'd hate me, so I must be bad and I shouldn't have done it) and a hit to self-esteem/self-worth on the basis that they did whatever they did. It can also come from PTSD as a trauma response, or OCD. As a trauma response, doing something that may have caused a valued adult or caregiver or even a friend that was taking a somewhat caregiving role for you will cause this shame as you risk falling out of favor with someone who is safe. You don't want them to see you in a negative light because their opinion of you directly affects how you feel about yourself. As an OCD obsession it can come from being either labelled as bad as a child and your brain taking that in and becoming extremely paranoid about good vs evil and which side you stand on, or for someone who is kind and caring and "good" by social standards and values that, as an attack on something you value most - as that is what OCD does by definition. Shame is a part of the anxiety needed to keep humans in packs back when we were surviving in small groups in the "wild" rather than in established towns/cities/civilization of any sort. If a human were to be cut off from the pack due to distaste towards them, it would be the end of them almost certainly. Humans were weaker to the elements, starvation, dehydration, and predators at the time, so you needed the protection that came in numbers both for the ability to keep food/water/shelter around and for the fact that animals were less likely to attack a group of humans than a single one. It was literally life or death if people liked you enough to keep you around, and so there is a very strong response built into humans' brains to keep social favor towards them - that's what we call shame.

So shame has something to do with how you view yourself or how others view you (and the potential consequences thereof), while remorse is an instinct that does not care about consequences, whether anyone knows, your opinion of yourself, etc. Remorse just is because of the fact that you did the thing. It's considered disingenuous to apologize or attempt to make amends exclusively on shame, and remorse is a large part of the social dance expected when someone knows you did something wrong. In fact, perceived remorse is a large part of court proceedings and legal decisions such as parole/probation vs jail time, length of sentence, etc. "You should be ashamed of yourself" is a bit of a misnomer, because really what they want is for you to feel an instinctual suffering as a result of having had done something wrong.

I hope this made sense; as always anyone is welcome to send in another ask for clarification if it didn't.

Plain text below the cut:

So remorse is inherent to having had done something wrong. While getting caught/the risk thereof, if someone got hurt emotionally or otherwise, the potential for social consequences, etc can *add* to that remorse, none of that is what causes it. Instead it is a societally built instinct that becomes an uncontrollable part of brain development quite early in life, though as we see in pwASPD it can be removed entirely or diluted by circumstances that make it useless, dangerous, or otherwise cause a child to believe other people don't feel that way. That instinct defines a bad and good and if you do something bad you feel this itch to make it up to anyone involved, to tell people what you did, to try and get forgiveness and atone for whatever it is you did, and even after all of that there will still be that feeling of remorse. It is this thing in the pit of your stomach nagging you about what you did wrong - not because of any effect it may have on you, and it occurs even if there is 0 chance it will affect you in any way - and not letting you forget about it.

Shame is a different social response, and in typical development, comes from perceived risk of social consequences (if people found out they'd hate me, so I must be bad and I shouldn't have done it) and a hit to self-esteem/self-worth on the basis that they did whatever they did. It can also come from PTSD as a trauma response, or OCD. As a trauma response, doing something that may have caused a valued adult or caregiver or even a friend that was taking a somewhat caregiving role for you will cause this shame as you risk falling out of favor with someone who is safe. You don't want them to see you in a negative light because their opinion of you directly affects how you feel about yourself. As an OCD obsession it can come from being either labelled as bad as a child and your brain taking that in and becoming extremely paranoid about good vs evil and which side you stand on, or for someone who is kind and caring and "good" by social standards and values that, as an attack on something you value most - as that is what OCD does by definition. Shame is a part of the anxiety needed to keep humans in packs back when we were surviving in small groups in the "wild" rather than in established towns/cities/civilization of any sort. If a human were to be cut off from the pack due to distaste towards them, it would be the end of them almost certainly. Humans were weaker to the elements, starvation, dehydration, and predators at the time, so you needed the protection that came in numbers both for the ability to keep food/water/shelter around and for the fact that animals were less likely to attack a group of humans than a single one. It was literally life or death if people liked you enough to keep you around, and so there is a very strong response built into humans' brains to keep social favor towards them - that's what we call shame.

So shame has something to do with how you view yourself or how others view you (and the potential consequences thereof), while remorse is an instinct that does not care about consequences, whether anyone knows, your opinion of yourself, etc. Remorse just is because of the fact that you did the thing. It's considered disingenuous to apologize or attempt to make amends exclusively on shame, and remorse is a large part of the social dance expected when someone knows you did something wrong. In fact, perceived remorse is a large part of court proceedings and legal decisions such as parole/probation vs jail time, length of sentence, etc. "You should be ashamed of yourself" is a bit of a misnomer, because really what they want is for you to feel an instinctual suffering as a result of having had done something wrong.

I hope this made sense; as always anyone is welcome to send in another ask for clarification if it didn't.

[kandadze]

Ep 30 loose thoughts

Whoo boy, I'm scared.

Wow, ZYC's words really hit LL *hard*. Still not sure if it's going to be enough for him to stop being a malice, quitting cold turkey rarely actually works.

ZYZ waiting for him... I immediately got distracted by the fact that there seems to be a weiqi board between them?! How about you just play a round instead of killing each other?

Yet another scene we've already seen in the MV... ZYZ gifting LL the Truth Eye. (I've watched it so many times I'm literally trying to predict the ending by piecing together the scenes we weren't shown in the eps so far 😅)

Oh dear, it's like whatever they try to say, it comes out wrong. Their worldviews are so different, they're bound to misunderstand each other no matter how much they might still love each other.

It breaks my heart that ZYZ is still hoping for a draw. This demon loves and loves and loves in spite of everything. 😭

Oh but I do kinda get how LL's tentative hope got crushed here. He so desperately wants to live and mean something to ZYZ, he will not see leaving Bai Jiu's body as an atonement - he'll see ZYZ's requesting it, without any alternative, as yet another proof that ZYZ doesn't care about what's going to happen to *him*.

Isn't ZYZ supposed to be the strongest demon or something? Don't tell me he's poisoned as well!

HUH??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE LOST ALL HIS DEMONIC POWER??? How? When???

Explain yourselves ffs!

Oh no PSJ just watched her brother die in front of her for the third time... 😭

Oof the whole sequence hurt like a bitch, Lin Ziye hit it out of the ballpark with his acting yet again, and I very much love how this was a team effort instead of the two great demons showdown... But ngl I feel like Bai Yan was completely useless. You're a fucking tree spirit as old as the gods! Why aren't you helping???

*Now* you're whipping out the goddamn root??? I think you could've presented it as an option for him *while* asking him to vacate Bai Jiu's body, he *was* open to suggestions! (I love the dramatic fight scenes as much as the next guy, but now in the light of this new info it seems to me that *this* particular fight - AND THE RESULTING DEATHS - was potentially completely unnecessary??? Once this is all over can you please take some time to work on your communication skills, people!) But also fuck this guy, he'd said he was not going to hurt Ying Lei! Dishonor on him and his goddamn cows!

ZYZ, you big ol' softie!!! (But also, this changes my understanding of the scene at the creation stone somewhat... let's see if they expand on this in any way.)

NO, YING LEIIIIII!!!! 😭 I *wish* ZYC had healing powers omg this was so rude!!! (Also not his last words being his encouragement to Bai Jiu!!! Who's not even conscious at this point!!! 😭😭😭)

"This time we draw." You mofos!!!

This still doesn't explain anything about *why* all his demonic power is gone. Did he use it all up to restore the sword? Is it because he was the only source of power that the creation stone could draw from this time, as opposed to when he rebuilt the tower - with LL?

They're back to breaking my heart with their bond and the - rather one-sided at this point - bickering. Scold him, ZYC, you'll both feel better!

Bai Jiu, this poor kid, I can't even begin to imagine what he's going through right now. Even with ZYC there, the weight on him must be enormous. (I hope someone goes to PSJ as well...) Aaaand they made me cry again. Ying Lei understood humans so well! Food can totally be a love language. And he used his powers to make sure the easily perishable snack he made for Bai Jiu wouldn't spoil!!! 😭😭😭

I'm glad they showed us WX doing her best to comfort PSJ. I love that they showed us that PSJ does have the very human wish to be special in some way, to feel needed and accepted, and how having that can translate into strength to protect and make sacrifices in return. I hope she goes back to kicking ass real soon.

After "this"??? Whatever the heck do you mean, ZYC? Are you planning on offing yourself to heal WX? (I know that ZYZ would have totally done it already, save for the tiny issue of having no demonic power at the moment...) Yeah, this totally sounds as if he was saying his goodbyes ffs

ZYZ is a vision in this white outfit and with the light pouring onto him from above. Also, ZYC reaching out to him like *that* yet again. It was almost enough to distract me from the fact that they seem to be withholding info about the poison from each other, without realizing that they both already know. What are you two planning, you self-sacrificial idiots???

Whew okay, this was a ride and a half. Onto ep 31 since apparently I have access to it, and I'd rather break my heart in one go instead of prolonging the agony. This way I can bawl my eyes out for the rest of the weekend and still appear functional at work on Monday.

[still-breathing-au-p3r]

[continued from here] [first post for October 18th] It may be Shinji who has more of a way with words between the two of them, but Akihiko has always been the one who fills their silences. Shinji’s the kind of guy who would rather listen than talk, unless he’s really got something to say. So naturally, that means it falls on Akihiko to break the silence they’re mired in now, as well. 

But he just can’t bring himself to do it. 

It isn’t that he doesn’t know what to say– he can think of plenty of things that he should say right now. The issue is whether or not he can. He tries a few times to speak up and feels bile rise in his throat instead of his voice. 

So he chokes it down and they’re left with…nothing. Nothing besides the scorched atmosphere Akihiko left in his wake.

Maybe it would be for the best if he leaves. Maybe getting away from here and taking some time to calm himself down is the better option, even though he’s loath to think about parting ways with Shinji on such an awful note. Even if it should only be temporary, how can he be certain it will be? How can he know for sure that their luck will hold, and Shinji will still be here when Akihiko gets his shit together?

He doesn’t know how he’d live with himself if the worst came to pass, and that was the last conversation he and Shinji ever had.

Akihiko’s inability to swallow his shame and talk past it turns out not to matter, ultimately. It’s Shinji who finally breaks the arid silence with a heavy sigh. 

“Look, I’m…really no good at this sorta thing,” he starts. “You already know that. An’ I’m also kinda high on painkillers right now, ‘cause– turns out getting shot doesn’t feel great. So maybe nothin’ I say’ll make any sense.”

Despite himself, Akihiko wheezes out a small laugh, and Shinji’s mouth twitches up on one side. He wants to believe that maybe this is a step in the right direction. It’s not like he���s wrong either; Shinji’s talents with words have never extended to talking about his feelings, even before his Persona went berserk. 

“But…you’re right,” Shinji continues. “I knew what the consequences could be, but I didn’t take ‘em seriously enough– not for Amada, or for you ‘n Kirijo– because I was too caught up in my own reasons.”

Shinji’s hands clench into fists around the bedsheets, his fingers trembling. “None of it– nothing mattered to me as much as the thought that maybe… Maybe I wouldn’t have to live with the fact that I’m a murderer anymore.”

“Shinji…” Each word out of Shinji’s mouth feels as heavy as a cinderblock, and Akihiko’s chest aches under the weight of them all. 

Shinji closes his eyes and sags back against his pillow, exhaling a weighted breath through his nose. He looks utterly exhausted. “That’s all I’ve cared about these last two years. The only thing I wanted was to atone, no matter how. And my life for the one I ruined seemed like a fair trade, y’know?”

When Shinji opens his eyes again, his gaze falls on the open window. The Moonlight Bridge winks back at him, the morning sun glazed mirror-bright over its arches, forcing him to wince and look away. “But I guess that’s pretty screwed up, right? I was just pushin’ my selfishness onto a kid and takin’ the coward’s way out, like you said.” 

Akihiko doesn’t quite trust himself to speak without a sob bubbling up instead, and in any case, the glare off the bridge is starting to get to him too, so he gets up to close the curtains. He grips the stiff, plasticky fabric tightly and bites his lip. 

“And that’s…” He almost doesn’t turn back around to face Shinji, but decides at the last moment that he needs to. “That’s really how you feel?” 

Shinji holds his gaze for just a moment before looking away. “Mhm.” 

It’s the first time Akihiko has heard Shinji like this– so somber and serious– in a very long time. But if he’s being truthful (Akihiko hopes to god that he is), it only serves as a horrible reminder of just how much Akihiko has failed. 

He must be making a face, because when Shinji looks at him again his mouth twists into a rueful smile. “Still mad, huh?”

“Of course I am.” Akihiko’s answer is immediate. “I just…am I really that unreliable?”

“...What?”

Akihiko almost returns to his seat but overshoots it and ends up pacing instead. “Shinji, you helped me so much when Miki died. You were there for me, you– you never left my side. You always made sure I was okay.”

Memories flood over him like a tsunami, churned together by time and grief until they all blend into an amorphous impression of those days, individual moments of shocking clarity floating within the tide like flotsam. 

Shinji had let Akihiko cling to him for days after the fire with minimal breaks, while Akihiko had cried until he’d been sick. Shinji had held him tightly all through the funeral as he’d choked on dry sobs, all of the tears wrung out of him, his eyes throbbing and swollen almost shut. Afterwards he’d bullied Akihiko into lying down and draped washcloths soaked in cool water across the top half of his face. 

Shinji, checking in with him between classes since they didn’t have the same homeroom that year. Shinji, walking the entire way home with him after school even after the adoption had been finalized and Akihiko had gone to live with his parents, their house in the exact opposite direction as the new building that served as the orphanage.

And that was just the aftermath of Miki’s death. Shinji’s been looking after him all his life and never expected anything in return. All those memories blend together until it’s impossible to keep track of them all. 

Akihiko had certainly appreciated it at the time, but he’d still taken it for granted. It’s only now that he realizes just how much it all meant to him. His breath shakes, his voice trembles. “I don’t– I don’t think I could’ve gotten through it at all if I hadn’t had you. So– the fact that you thought I couldn’t be there for you–”

“That’s not it.” Shinji cuts him off. “You’ve got it all wrong, Aki. I knew you would’ve been.” He glares into his lap. “That was the whole problem– I didn’t want you to be. I didn’t want your help, or Kirijo’s, or anyone’s. It all goes back to me bein’ a selfish asshole.”

Oh.

That makes an unfortunate amount of sense. 

“...Was it that you didn’t want it, or–” Akihiko swallows, the sound uncomfortably loud in his ears. “Did you think you didn’t deserve it?”

Shinji shrugs. “Same thing at the end of the day, ain’t it.”

“No.” Akihiko shakes his head. “It’s not the same at all. You did deserve it. You do deserve it, Shinji.”

He doesn’t answer right away. His expression is stony and contemplative as he mulls over Akihiko’s words. 

“...If I’m honest, ‘m still not sure I can believe that,” Shinji says quietly. He looks at Akihiko again, meeting his gaze and holding it this time. “But I am sorry, Aki. Sorry for bein’ that selfish asshole.”

Despite what he’d demanded earlier, he hadn’t really been expecting any kind of apology. He wasn’t sure if he’d even really wanted one, or if all he’d really been after was the catharsis of throwing a punch. But hearing it now, with Shinji sounding so genuine, so sincere– emotion starts to swell in Akihiko’s chest again. 

He pushes it down before it can strangle his voice. Shinji isn’t the only one who needs to apologize. It’s time he stops being so self-centered.

Akihiko makes his way back to his seat, pulling it even closer to Shinji’s bedside as he sits. His knees knock against the bed frame. 

“I’m sorry too,” Akihiko murmurs. He ignores the look Shinji gives him. “I kept saying I wanted you to rely on me, but– I didn’t take your feelings into consideration at all and I forced you back into a fight you didn’t want to be a part of. 

“And because of that…” He shakes his head, glowering down at his hands. He clenches and unclenches them into fists, watching the tendons in his wrists flex. “If I’d been paying more attention, if I’d just realized what was going on when Amada joined us–”

“Hey,” Shinji interrupts him using the same tone of voice he does when he’s about to tell off one of the juniors, or when he’d scold one of the younger kids at the orphanage. “Don’t you dare start blamin’ yourself for this, alright? None of this is your fault.”

It’s nice of him to say, but Akihiko knows it isn’t true. 

“Are you sure?” he asks. “You’ve told me a thousand times how tunnel-visioned I am. How I always run off on my own without thinking because I focus on one thing and forget about everything else.” Suddenly it feels like every lecture that Shinji’s ever given him and he’d brushed off is weighing down on his shoulders, heavy and shameful. 

“I told myself I needed to be stronger, but… In reality, I was just doing the exact same thing I accused you of. I was just running away too, from any problem that I couldn’t solve by knocking it down hard enough.”

What else has Shinji lectured him about that he just passed off as nothing when he should have listened? Why had it taken him until now to realize it? Why had it taken this? 

“You were right all along. And in the end, it didn’t even do any good. It didn’t matter how strong I was. Look what happened!” He gestures at Shinji, at the bed he’s propped up in– at everything in the room. It speaks for itself. 

“You almost died, Shinji! If one thing had been different– if just one thing hadn’t happened the way it did…you wouldn’t be here.” A sob clogs his throat. He drops his head into his hands, digging the heels of his palms against his eyes in a futile effort to keep the tears at bay. 

“All that strength, and yet I still couldn’t do anything for you. Not a single goddamn thing. I couldn’t even donate blood when you needed it, did you know that?”

“Aki…” Shinji doesn’t say anything more for several long moments, and the silence between them grows so heavy. Eventually, though, Shinji reaches out and puts a hand on Akihiko’s knee. 

“Listen,” he says. “We both fucked up. But there’s nothin’ we can do about it now. And…” He gives Akihiko’s knee a soft squeeze. “If it means anything, I don’t hold any of it against you.” 

Attempting to hide how emotional he’s gotten was hopeless from the start, but he’d been holding the line so far, if only by the skin of his teeth. Now Akihiko crumbles. He’s thankful that it’s just Shinji here instead of the whole team. He’d never live it down. At least Shinji’s seen him cry a million times before, so the blow to his pride doesn’t sting that bad. 

“I-it does. It means a lot to me, Shinji,” he replies, his voice quiet and hoarse, scrubbing the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand.

[problemswithbooks]

The 6 chapter epilogue moves to 'end' the Tododrama this chapter leaving a divided fandom...

For me I think that given the story the Todorokis have had up to this point it both makes sense and is the best we could have hoped for. I'm not one hundred percent happy with it, but I defiantly don't view as negatively as a lot of people seem to.

First off Touya dying makes sense and this is perhaps harsh but I hope he does. People theorizing that the mysterious Tenko like figure is Shigaraki and he will heal him and the rest of the LoV with his restored Overhaul powers is insane to me. With only four chapters left idk how that would even be covered or concluded, since even if they were healed they would all still be put in prison--it wouldn't erase the fact Touya killed 30 innocent people by his own omission. So, how Hori would cover that kind of plot in a cohesive way in four chapters is beyond me. It's pretty much people wanting a worse story because they want their favorite character to live.

Also, I'm a bit frustrated that yet again people are acting like Enji should die instead and making wild accusations based on nothing. Namely that Touya dying supposedly soonish negates Enji saying he'll watch him and his death will let him off the hook so to speak.

Enji has shown that he really loves Touya and feels immense guilt and rightful responsibility for how he treated him and his the rest of the family. Touya dying doesn't suddenly heal his permanently crippled body or give him back his Hero job. It will only make him feel worse. Also it's not as if once Touya is gone he'll ignore the rest of his family either. He still owes them as well, and will probably try to help them in whatever way he possibly can.

People acting as if Touya's death will free him or that afterwards he'll go on with his life completely happy and forgetting about him is just not in any way accurate to what we've seen of his character.

The other thing I've seen floating around is the idea that if Enji had been killed off during the first PLF War, Shoto would have saved Touya and the family would have been happy in the end. I don't think that's true. I will admit I'm bias because I like Enji and I'm not a fan of Touya, but given how Hori seems to have delt with the LoV and villains in general (unless he pulls a 180 and heals them last min) I think Touya was always meant to end up dying slowly in a hospital or get some other bittersweet ending.

BNHA is not grimdark by any means but it is not the idealistic manga of the past like Naruto. Hori punishes characters that make bad choices no matter how understandable or even shitty the choices they had were. Aoyama, despite helping defeat Afo, being a child and under the threat of death to him and his family, still drops out of UA because he feels he still has to earn his place there. Bakugou dies and his heart and hand will never be the same, while also having to deal with the guilt of Izuku loosing his Quirk (if that sticks). Enji, even though trying to change and atone for most of the Manga's run is still left permanently crippled, the job that meant everything to him, lost, his legacy gone.

For Touya who killed so many people without care, only to get back and his father. Who plotted to kill his little brother despite knowing he was abused. Not caring if his plans got his other innocent family members killed. After everything we've seen with other characters who did far less wrong and tried hard to amend those mistakes getting harsh consequences, I doubt it was ever the plan to have Touya sitting at the table with his family eating his favorite food with a smile, regardless of Enji being alive or not. To suggest that Hori only had Shoto fail because Hori needed Enji to be involved just isn't true. If Hori wanted to give Touya a happy ending he would have--many fans have already come up with how that could have happened even with Enji still alive.

The only criticism I agree with is Rei's ending. You can defiantly read how she wheels Enji around and answers his phone as them being back together or in the very least her becoming his caretaker. Now, That might not be the case--she could just doing those things because they were both going to see Touya and she's just helping him out that day, while they actually live separately, with Enji having a paid home assistant that couldn't or wouldn't go with him to see Touya (because of the stigma or visiting regulations). The issue is that we just don't know for sure and Rei has been shafted pretty badly.

That said, I wasn't expecting much from/for her anyway. I think getting a little blurb about what she was doing like Natsuo and Fuyumi did would have helped, but I sort of doubt Hori had any idea what to do with her character outside being Enji's abused wife and Shoto's mom. With him rushing to get these last chapters out I'm not shocked he just stuck her in the background, especially when Enji and Shoto as secondary characters needed the screen time.

[mogwaei]

I love how deeply Solas cares.

Even at his worst, he still believes that people should have free will and be taken care of. He says the waking world feels like being in a sea of tranquil, but he still leaves the party to help random refugees in the hinterlands. He approves whenever you take actions that help every day people. He can’t stand it when the vulnerable are taken advantage of. He despises the qunari belief system, yet he speaks fondly the woman in the fade who took small acts of rebellion and takes steps to ensure the qunari cannot expand their control. Even if he hates you, he still saves you in trespasser because the world deserves peace regardless of his actions.

He cares so much about people that he’s willing to restructure the very fabric of the world twice to try and make things better. He could stand to untangle his own guilt from his compassion and maybe, idk, talk to some people about less world-breaking ways to go about fixing things, but man if I don’t love just how deep that desire to see people live well goes. There’s a reason Cole likes him so much.

When I think about these exact things, it really hits me like a train. Putting thoughts under the cut 'cause they got a little long lol

This is an ancient being who has seen SO MUCH and yet still finds the time to be compassionate, and after who knows how many aeons, his sense of curiosity is also alive and well. How easy it would be for him to give into his grief and anger and become something worse than Corypheus. The fact that he still learns and corrects himself when you are a friend/lover does give me hope for his story.

AND. I have a feeling (I'm sure I'm not the only one lol) that there's more to his reasons behind refusing to let anyone get involved. I bet the situation really is That Bad and he's the only one who actually understands it, BUT, also his Blackwall Complex ('I must atone') has gotten too powerful + he has an overwhelming fear of betrayal if he did let us in on the plan. I know that's leaning more toward the tinfoil side of things, but *inhales* my point is is that I love how his strengths and his big heart also doubles back and become flaws.

He's so beautiful 😭

SORRY FOR THE TANGENT - I'm not as eloquent as I wish I was, you said it all perfectly!! Thank you for spending your precious time to write out such a lovely sentiment.

[Solas loving hours in my inbox, come tell me what you adore about him]

[thecleverqueer]

I’ve been relatively quiet about Tales of the Empire, but it’s been secretly eating my brain, so let me give you my two cents…

We learned virtually nothing new about Morgan Elsbeth. She engineered the advanced tie fighter. That’s about it. Everything else we knew. I didn’t hate the episodes. I just found them to be underwhelming.

But then, we got Barriss, and I had a lot of feelings about that one.

Firstly, I kind of assumed that they would take the Inquisitor route with her. I knew that they wouldn’t retcon her into the seventh sister, but I also knew that was her ticket out of prison. I didn’t hate it, hate it. I didn’t get it. The Inquisitorius was everything that Barriss stood against in the Temple bombing arc, but the will to live is a powerful drug, I guess. It wasn’t badly done. You could tell that she wasn’t fond of anything that she was doing. She wasn’t getting off on using the dark side. She was just trying to survive, and I respected that.

Second, I was happy to see them give her the redemption arc that she deserved. It’s an interesting take that she continued to play along with the fourth sister after she slaughtered that whole ass village, but then a switch finally tripped when the fourth sister attacked that non-binary Jedi after they surrendered. I think it was one part opportunity, but another part the fact that Barriss was also tired of running and being alone. Also, I love the fact that they slipped in a non-binary Jedi character into this.

Third, Barriss becoming an old butch healer in the last episode was exactly what I would imagine her doing after her moment of redemption. I believe her insane accelerated aging was in part due to her giving her life force to heal those that needed her, but also to atone for her past mistakes.

I’m not 100% sold that the woman that she sent the family with the force sensitive kid to was Ahsoka. It seems to be likely implied? I don’t know. I just think Ahsoka is still too bitter about what happened to her in her series to have made peace with Barriss (I could be wrong), but also, I struggle to imagine Ahsoka even having “coordinates” at that point in the timeline for anyone to track her to. Maybe this was in the post Vader duel times, and Ahsoka was on Lothal with Sabine training? Maybe Barriss had the space equivalent to Life 360 on Ahsoka like Bo-Katan obviously does? Eh. There are possibilities, I guess. That is a reunion that should absolutely be something fandom sees. We’ll likely never get it is because it would be gay (flamboyantly so after everything *gestures vaguely*).

And lastly, that ending…. Why?

I mean, my fear going in was that she would die unceremoniously at the hands of the fourth sister and what likely happened? Her last act on the living plane was to save an Inquisitor from Kenobi that few really cared about? Come on. I guess it was ambiguous enough that they could bring her back into future stories, but they slept on her for over a decade. My hope for her, at this point, is that she shows up in whatever animated show is next (my thought is that it will be a Ventress centric show that may or may not have anything to do with the path… I struggle to see Ventress getting tied up in saving force sensitive kids, but who knows), her popularity grows and she ends up showing up in the Mandoverse to haunt Ahsoka.

A girl can dream.

[aishangotome]

Elbert Greetia: Mad Love Chapter 22

Mad Love Chapter 21

♡———♡

Alfons: Taking a walk this late at night?

Elbert: Al...

I carefully got out of bed, trying not to wake Kate, and ran into Alfons, who seemed to have just returned.

Elbert: ...I wanted to escape from the lingering dream.

Alfons: Oh my... Your bad habit still remains.

As always, the twisted scent of alcohol and perfume he wore slipped into my body, shaken by the nightmare, and smelled sweetly like comfort.

Elbert: ...You've been out playing again?

Alfons: Ah ha! Do I look like I've been working hard?

Alfons: Well, never mind about me for now. More importantly––

Alfons: True to your "greedy" nature, you decided to reach for happiness? You look quite gloomy.

Elbert: I––

He traces his lips with his fingertips, wanting to erase the feeling of her cold lips from the nightmare where they kissed.

Elbert: Someday, I might kill her.

Alfons: ––Oh my, what a dangerous thing to say.

Elbert: Just being by her side made me happy.

Elbert: When she smiled, it was easier to breathe. I wanted to keep watching her forever.

Elbert: That should have been my wish, but I craved everything about her.

Elbert: Her outside, her inside... even her heart.

Alfons: ...Whether it's due to the curse of "greed" or an overly heavy love, it's a delicate matter.

Whether this was due to a curse or not didn't matter.

The fact was that I desired her enough to have such a dream, and that would surely torment her.

Elbert: ...Would being loved by me make her unhappy?

As when he asked if it was beautiful, he found himself asking Alfons.

Alfons: Well, I don't know.

Alfons: I don't know what answer you're hoping for, nor how she would respond.

Alfons: ...Why don't you just spill your desires?

Elbert: ...I can't. ...What if she gets scared and runs away?

Elbert: I would truly... really—

Just as he once did for atonement, this time for happiness, he would imprison her in these greedy hands.

Elbert: I don't want to make her sad.

Alfons: ...This is troublesome.

Alfons: I don't think Kate is as weak as you think she is.

As he left, Alfons' parting words did not erase the anxiety nesting within his heart about his desires.

-

The day Elbert left, I went to the entrance to see him off.

Kate: Have a good trip.

Elbert: .....

Elbert: Kate, come here.

Kate: ? Yes... What is it?

As I approached, beckoned by his hand, he gently pulled me closer and placed a light kiss on my lips.

Kate: L-Lord Elbert, in a place like this...

Elbert: Because it's a place like this... on purpose.

Kate: On purpose...?

I followed his gaze and saw William and Victor crossing the castle courtyard, perhaps returning from somewhere.

William glanced at us, and Victor waved.

(Wh-What...)

Kate: O-On purpose... to those two?

Elbert: ...I'll endure you not being blindfolded, so at least allow me this.

He whispered sweetly in my ear, and my heart pounded.

It's so embarrassing that my ears are burning, but I can't help but be happy to be loved so much by the person I love.

Kate: Y-Yes...

Elbert: ...Yes?

Kate: I allow it...

Elbert: ...Then, one more time.

Kate: The carriage is waiting...!

Elbert reluctantly removed his hand from my shoulder.

Elbert: ...Well then, I'll be back.

In the depths of his blue eyes, until the very end, there was a glimpse of the possessiveness I had seen last night.

-

The next day, during lunchtime, after seeing Elbert off.

Victor: Thank you for the report. It was very well written.

Victor: It clearly described how everyone in Crown upholds justice.

Victor smiled generously after reading the report I submitted.

Victor: And... it was lovely content that also conveyed the warmth of your gaze towards Elbert.

Kate: I'm glad... Thank you.

Victor: There are still a few days until our promised day...

Victor: But the fact that you brought this to me now means that your heart is already decided, isn't it?

Victor stared straight at me, as if peering into my heart with his jewel-like eyes.

(I feel like Victor can see everything that's happening in this castle.)

I even felt like this vast Crown Castle was in his hands.

Kate: ...Yes, Victor.

Kate: I want to stay by Lord Elbert's side even after the promised month.

Victor: Why is that?

(Why...)

The reason I came to this castle and faced forward without succumbing to sadness or fear was because of the kindness he showed me on the night of that first mission when Daisy's inn was attacked, trying to keep me away from sadness.

And then, I realized that he protected me but didn't try to protect himself...

I learned about his past, the tremendous kindness of carrying everything as his own sin, and his bottomless sadness.

(I...)

(More than anyone else, to that person who is sensitive to the pain and sadness of others...)

Kate: Because I want Lord Elbert to smile.

Kate: When he's happy, I want to laugh with him... and when he's sad, I want to be there for him.

Victor: ...Thank you for your wonderful answer, Kate.

Victor: When the promised month arrives, you can do as you please.

Kate: ...Thank you very much.

Harrison: You've changed a lot, haven't you?

Kate: Wah!? Harrison...? When did you...?

I turned around to the direction of the voice and saw Harrison, who had somehow arrived at the dining hall, and Alfons, who was resting his cheek on his hand and looking at us cheerfully, at the other end of the long table.

Kate: Could it be that you heard our conversation...?

Alfons: We heard it clearly, both Harrison and I. We were well-behaved and quiet.

(Oh, how embarrassing...)

(I thought it was okay to open up to Victor, but they heard everything...!)

Victor: Well, actually, I noticed halfway through.

Victor: But I wanted to hear your feelings until the end, so I kept quiet.

Victor: I'm sorry. Will your kind heart forgive this sinful me?

Kate: ...I can't blame you when you say it like that.

Victor: Ahaha, I'm sorry for being a bad adult.

(But still...)

Kate: What do you mean by "changed"?

Harrison: It's exactly what it means.

Harrison: You, who have been walking in a warm sunbeam, are going to continue living in the bloody darkness?

Harrison: I can't say it any other way than "changed."

Kate: That's... certainly true.

Harrison: ...While you still can, you should go see your workplace and your home.

Kate: Huh?

Harrison: Once you decide to live in the darkness, it's not easy to return.

Harrison: While you can still return, it's better to face your own heart properly.

(Face my own heart...)

I thought about Harrison's suggestion for a moment, and a certain place came to mind.

Kate: ...Actually, there was a place I wanted to visit.

Victor: Is that so?

Kate: Yes. ...But I can't go alone, so I need someone to accompany me.

Harrison: I'll pass, since El might resent me.

Alfons: That's heartless of you, considering you're the one who suggested it.

(Indeed, if Elbert finds out, I feel like he'll be very upset.)

(But...)

Kate: I don't think Alfons would be resented.

Kate: Could you accompany me tomorrow?

Alfons: ...I'm sorry, I have something to do tomorrow.

Victor: Oh! I just received a message from His Majesty,

Victor: He says that Alfons should accompany Kate on her outing!

Harrison: I've just witnessed a terrible abuse of power.

Victor: Huh? "I saw a cool queen's aide"? Harry, you really love me!

Alfons: ...I suppose there's no helping it. It's extremely troublesome, but I'll accompany you.

Alfons: I expect a decent reward, Kate.

(Reward...)

Kate: ...Is information about a delicious bakery okay...?

Alfons: .....

Alfons: You two really are a perfect match, you and Elbert.

-

The next day, I was in the city of London with Alfons.

Alfons: So, you want to see your home and workplace, and that's all?

Kate: No, actually...

I went to the post office to say hello and was able to talk to my colleagues for the first time in a while.

I was also able to see my house for the first time in about a month.

(I can't go back to the way it was, but I was happy then too.)

I remember the peaceful, modest, yet joyful life I had in all the nostalgic places I just saw.

And then...

Kate: ...Actually, there's one more place I want to visit.

The place we're heading to now is a place I must not forget.

Alfons: Your destination, could it be this place?

After buying flowers at a flower shop, we visited the inn where Daisy used to work.

Kate: I've always been worried about it in the back of my mind and wanted to offer flowers someday.

Alfons: Is that so...

Alfons: ...There were only nameless corpses, weren't there? You're quite a conscientious person too.

Kate: Me "too"...?

The way he phrased it bothered me a little, but Alfons went to the back door without a care.

-

Kate: Huh...?

As I stepped inside from the back door, which had once been filled with a pool of blood, the inn was so clean now that it was hard to believe a bloody incident had occurred there.

(The owner barged into the party to get the "painting of the sea," and then...)

(He should have been arrested and absent... who could have done this?)

I gasped when I saw something very familiar on the counter.

It was that frame with the pressed blue poppies.

Kate: Lord Elbert...?

(I saw him doing some paperwork these past few days....)

I couldn't believe it, so I looked back at Alfons.

Kate: Did Lord Elbert buy this place?

Alfons: Did you come here without knowing anything?

Alfons: You two have similar ways of thinking.

Alfons sat down on a table as if exasperated and looked around the room.

Alfons: He said he's going to rent this place out as a flower shop.

Alfons: Daisy, was it? Because he couldn't deliver flowers to her.

Alfons: And I think he also said something about whether you would smile if this place was filled with flowers.

Kate: ...!

Alfons: From now on, he'll probably buy everything that makes you happy.

(Elbert...)

His kindness warmed my heart.

The blue poppies blooming in the frame seemed to shine even more vividly.

After leaving the bouquet at the inn, we headed back to the castle.

Kate: Thank you again for accompanying me today.

Kate: I had already made up my mind, but...

Kate: I feel like it's become even more certain.

(Sad events like what happened to Daisy are still happening in the darkness of this country.)

(Knowing that, I can't truly return to my everyday life.)

If I close my eyes for a moment, the vivid blue poppies I saw earlier bloom behind my eyelids.

Kate: I want to face it with Lord Elbert. The events that happened at that inn...

Kate: And more than anything, I want to share the pain with that person who hates sadness.

Alfons: ...El's desires for you won't all be sublimated as purely as that inn.

(Huh...?)

His pointed remark made me frown involuntarily.

Kate: What does that mean...?

Alfons: The reason El left... was to take care of Jeffrey, who was targeting you.

Kate: Huh...?

Alfons: It seems William found out from the client list he obtained that Jeffrey was the one who ordered your kidnapping.

Alfons: It was his first offense, and only an attempt, so the police won't be able to pursue him.

Alfons: But... you already understand that Elbert won't let him get away with it, right?

(Elbert... Jeffrey...)

(So... that's why he told me not to follow him.)

Kate: ...Why are you telling me this?

Alfons: Because the spot you're standing on right now is a rather heavy crossroads to choose a path without knowing.

Alfons shrugged and laughed, then narrowed his eyes as if testing me.

Alfons: Elbert will surely continue to take the lives of many people.

Alfons: To protect you, to not let you be taken away, to not make you sad.

Alfons: To keep you smiling.

Alfons: To eliminate everything that threatens the happiness of the two of you, and to obtain everything that leads to the happiness of the two of you.

Alfons: There is no bottom to his "greed."

He said this without hesitation, the one who is probably closest to Elbert.

(I think what Alfons says is the undeniable truth...)

He has been greedily desiring "beautiful things" to atone for his sins.

That desire is now probably directed towards "everything" to be happy with me.

Alfons: Can you remain unbroken by El's side as he continues to commit the sin of greed?

Kate: I won't know until that time comes... that's my honest feeling.

Kate: If he intends to do something that would hurt even himself, I might try to stop him.

(I know it's selfish of me to think this way.)

(I know that by wishing for happiness and protecting it, Elbert... that kind person will also get hurt.)

I had probably been thinking about this all along, even before Alfons mentioned it.

Kate: But...

Kate: I'm... happy that Lord Elbert seeks happiness.

Every time Elbert showed his strong attachment to me, I realized how distant and fleeting love and happiness were for him.

So, to be able to respond to that obsession, I feel happy and blessed.

Kate: So...

Alfons: ...So?

Kate: So...even if Lord Elbert were to commit some grave sin in the future...

Kate: I want to accept Lord Elbert, along with that sin...

Kate: I want to love Lord Elbert.

Alfons: ...What a fool you are.

Gray eyes slowly approach.

(Huh...?)

At the moment when a complex and twisted sweet scent wafted strongly - my lips were stolen by Alfons.

.

.

.

.

.

Mad Love Chapter 23

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[bestworstcase]

It's going to be interesting to see how RWBY lands the messiness of Ruby and Yang's childhood and also the parents of the family.

Summer (aka "Evil Stepmother") I won't even try to guess how it lands. We just don't have enough information. But the getting across the information to the audience - Summer working with Salem out the "Evil" in there and the fact that Yang seemingly takes strongly from Summer in at least some aspects of her personality and her legitimately being an excellent mother to Yang gets across it's not that simple.

Her relationship with her daughters at the end of everything - very up in the air. But RWBY is a hopeful series, and acknowledgement of harm done, a true atonement in not doing it again... You can't change the past but a better tomorrow is possible. (See the Schnees as messy and scarred as that family is. And actually Yang and Ruby's conversation about Yang having messed up, resolving to do better in the future and the two moving on)

Raven- okay she's the one that I think I have the best read on. There's a lot of tension in Raven and her fear. Something that may have to be handled slightly carefully as separate from her issues with Oz as she was proven right about him lying and keeping secrets. And there's still the unfired untested "Only One Save" rule.

Same as Summer - acknowledgement of harm done + sincere work into making amends and not repeating the same behavior can equal new starts in relationships and the narrative has already did Yang tearing into Raven. A bit more details into what happened with Summer but...

Look at least with Yang the problem with Raven appears to be primarily that she's an emotional coward. It gets complicated with the other stuff - but the setup is there for her to finally beat that. Whether Yang wants a new start would be in the air but Raven taking the plunge, that I'm confident in.

The audience is all onboard for Raven having messed up - getting across when she hasn't probably is a tougher sell.

Taiyang - Okay, he's the character that I personally think needs an obvious clue by four to the audience that he messed up because man, the information we're getting hasn't been cutting it. He's not a monster like Jaques but that makes it more difficult to get across it seems. And the character has to be aware of the problem to l fix it (Or refuse to fix it. Or refuse to acknowledge the problem but I don't think Tai is set up got either of those two)

If Summer is the one that is uncertain as whether she done sorry for the actions she took, or not sorry she took them but sorry that they harmed her girls, while Raven is the one most solidly in "Yeah I fucked up" at this point, Tai is the one that i don't know if he's realized he has. And I'm honestly curious as to how RWBY as a show would have that hit.

Though I am not discounting Summer versus Taiyang with a very messy divorce fight. (Look I really like the idea of Summer as Yang's mother being reminded like that because while the characters draw Raven -> Yang and Summer -> Ruby comparisons the show has displayed a pointedly strong resemblance between Summer and Yang.)

mmm. i think the Dead Mom / Neglectful Father / Evil Stepmother paradigm is an interesting angle to consider the possible outcomes for raven / tai / summer from because all of these archetypes have loose archetypal endings; the heroine prevails through the dead mom’s aid, the evil stepmother is often punished, the neglectful father is…there. 

rwby is pointedly not a punitive narrative, and it’s also pointedly not a narrative where male and female characters are handled any differently in terms of complexity/development/seriousness. but: the “dead” mom is in vacuo now, lending her aid to the desperate last stand.

with summer there’s the additional complication of her being the evil stepmother in the rose xiao long family narrative and also the good stepmother in cinder’s narrative, wherein the madame functions as a dead mom whose cruelty haunts cinder rather than helping her and rhodes as a neglectful father. whether rwby’s archetypal stepmother is “evil” or “good” is therefore a matter of perspective; unlike the fairytale stepmother she isn’t abusive, only on the opposite side of a war from her own children, and one of the clever ways rwby subverts the archetype is that the stepmother chooses the child who is not her own. i.e., cinder. 

thus the immediate narrative challenge posed to summer—and tai as well, if i’m on the mark about what he’s been up to—is that cinder killed yang and ruby, or at least claims she couldn’t stop neopolitan from doing so. 

and that’s interesting because summer has been with salem for fourteen years now and had all that time to really think about what she’s doing and why and what it may cost her; her part in RLR2 is so anguished precisely because she is self-aware that she has left her daughters behind to face the storm she and salem intend to unleash. she has known, for a long time, that they might be killed by this war—salem does what she can to spare them, but things happen. 

so summer made a conscious decision to accept that risk, out of strong moral conviction that the divine plan for the world must be ended and salem must be set free. but tai?

say tai discovered the truth about summer shortly before or very soon after the fall of beacon. he’s spent the last twelve or thirteen years grieving for her, and his natural inclination based on what he knows about salem from ozpin will be to assume that summer is badly misguided—that salem has deceived or threatened or otherwise done something to her to force her to obey. thus the idea of ‘saving’ her and his reason for keeping his mouth shut: he doesn’t dare breathe a word to anyone lest salem find out that summer has been compromised / decide she is no longer useful and dispense with her.

of course to summer whatever liaisons she may be having with tai are both a comfort—her only other social interaction during this time are periodic and perfunctory seer calls with salem—and an opportunity to gather information. the reality is that salem will be either indifferent or pleased depending upon how useful tai proves as an unwitting informant. 

but prior to salem+cinder’s arrival at beacon it would be easy for tai to construct this alternative story wherein summer is really a victim of salem’s machinations who must be protected until she can be rescued; she is, after all, not doing anything much but holding the fort at beacon whilst searching for the vault, and we have seen that summer can slip on masks to hide her true self when she needs to. she’s lied to him before for the sake of doing what she felt was right; she can do it again.

the intuitive breaking point here is for salem and cinder to deliver the news that yang and ruby are dead, or fallen out of remnant depending on how much more detail salem may have coaxed out of cinder in the interim; for summer to sit in her private grief for a moment and then choose, as she has chosen every day for the last fourteen years, to press on; and for tai to see that. to be confronted in some undeniable way with the reality that summer is here because she believes down to her soul that salem is right.

(coughs in fractal ozlem. summer is the ozma who—literally—chose to take salem’s hand; tai, the salem who refused to leave the tower.)

like—does he stay, even then? if his daughters are already gone when the truth clobbers him upside the head, then it’s too late to make things right by changing course; is tai the kind of person with the backbone to walk away from the love for whom he rationalized abandoning his kids after circumstances force him to see clearly the choice he made, or does he hold onto her all the harder for having nothing else left to lose. 

and how does summer feel about that? if the foundation of who she is is her ironclad conviction, and tai’s is that he would sacrifice anything to stay with her, how does she truly see him? 

this is really the fundamental contrast between ozlem and tai/summer and why i’m certain that ozlem are on a path toward romantic reconciliation but skeptical that the same is true for tai and summer: ozlem broke apart because both of them are driven by profound moral conviction and came to blows over an intractable ideological disagreement about what the right thing to do is. they are, in every respect, equals. whereas the fundamental conflict between tai and summer—presuming that i’m on the mark as to why she joined salem—is that she has all the conviction and he has none. 

if he does stay even through the razing of vale then he can no longer act under the illusion that he isn’taligning himself with salem’s side of this war, which is an interesting thing to put him through that must surely lead to some serious soul-searching; and then the next obvious point of inflection is learning that team rwby returned from the ever after and are alive and well in vacuo. what then?

altogether it does set up a number of interesting paths forward for tai by playing him off of summer and utilizing that relationship to surface the good-vs-right / wrong-vs-evil quandary that the two sides of this war represent. summer herself is also sort of an ideal character to take him to task for neglecting their daughters, because her choice to leave them behind was predicated on an assumption that tai would take good care of them.

(i have to assume that a woman willing to set the world on fire for the sake of wrestling the keys to eschaton away from the divine chosen one is also a mother willing to kidnap her own children if she knew their father was letting the five-year-old “pick up the pieces.” although the thought of what yang and ruby would be like if summer and salem had raised them is both hysterical and terrifying.)

i do think the endgame as far as the rose-xiao long-branwen family is everyone at least on cordial terms; the inevitable peace negotiation offers ample opportunity for smaller interpersonal reconciliations and reevaluation of individual relationships. the brokenness of this family cannot be extricated from the war that tore it apart. 

but reconciliation with tai and summer in particular may require a deliberate step away from parent-child toward building new relationships as allies or friends or family in the more metaphorical sense. that’s true to an extent for raven as well simply because yang is an adult, but with raven being the one who showed up in vacuo i think it will be easier for her and yang to build a parent-adult child relationship from scratch. if yang wants that, which i think she probably does, behind the fear of abandonment. 

[cosmicjoke]

Alright, so... Chapter 210 of "Vinland Saga"...

Excuse me a moment while I go cry in a corner.

Shit, man, this chapter got to me hard.

Spoilers ahead, for anyone who hasn't read it.

I'm so scared Thorfinn is going to die. He was shot full of arrows, just like his father. Hild saved him, and my immediate question is, "how?". Did she have to kill to save him? To get him on her back and carry him out? The fact we aren't shown what happened after she shot her arrow makes me think she did. Or did she manage to do it while only wounding the natives? She only had four arrows left, and there were more than four natives in pursuit. If she did have to kill to get him out, then I wonder how that's going to impact Thorfinn himself, assuming he survives. To know Hild will have had to take on that burden, of taking a life to save his, would be devastating to him, I think. In it's own way, it would almost be like a condemnation to him of his pacifist philosophy, that because he didn't want to kill, the burden of it has now fallen to another. I know Thorfinn would blame himself, even though this situation truly wasn't his fault, and spun out of his control due to forces beyond his power.

I really didn't expect this turn of events. I thought Thorfinn and Hild would take care of the pursuers in the forest and then make their way to the village. But Thorfinn clearly has a punctured lung from the arrow he took for Einar, and now he's been shot full of arrows, which, at the moment, I'm honestly having a really hard time seeing how he'll survive. His condition also totally takes him out of the game in terms of defending the village and its people at all.

And now Hild and him are faced with Plmk, and I have no idea if he's hostile or not. If he's hostile, they're fucked, which makes me think he's going to end up helping them, somehow. But even if he does, it doesn't do anything for Thorfinn's condition. Like I said, I'm really scared at this point for him.

And then there was Thorfinn's dream sequence, which was just heartbreaking in the extreme. His vision of Thorkill, basically saying 'I told you so', saying war would come to Vinland, no matter how hard Thorfinn tried to avoid it. And even more devastating, Ivar and then Einar, blaming Thorfinn for everything. We see here in Thorfinn's subconscious his true feelings, rooted in a sense of failure. We see how badly Einar's parting words to him have affected him. Einar's anger and bitterness toward him. I've spoken before about how it would, in many ways, be the ultimate sacrifice to his ideals, if Thorfinn were to lose Einar's friendship, his first and best friend, and the man who gave him a sense of purpose in life beyond his quest for revenge against Askeladd. If Einar truly ends up turning against him, if he refuses to leave, and takes the path of war, I don't see how their friendship can continue. Maybe that will change when he sees Thorfinn's condition, but realistically, I think him seeing what's been done to Thorfinn will only fuel Einar's rage and refusal to give up what they've built.

God, Thorfinn wanted so badly to make a land of peace, to atone for the sins of his past by creating a land of peace and saving more lives than he took, but now it's all gone to hell, and people have been killed. His vision of Einar telling him his experiment has failed, and that it was an important experiment, because it shows how peace can never really be achieved, shows the depths of Thorfinn's despair, I think, and the depths of his self-loathing. This is truly just a tragedy playing out before our eyes.

It's made all the more poignant, I think, by Hild's words to Thorfinn, telling him not to lose heart, telling him he wasn't wrong about anything, and if only the world were full of more people like him, maybe there really could be hope for a world without war. She calls Thorfinn precious, and I think that's true. But tragically, as we're seeing, the world isn't filled with people like Thorfinn, and that makes Thorfinn's dream an impossibility. There's always going to be someone who wants to start a war, there's always going to be someone who wants to take what isn't theirs, there's always going to be someone who wants to hurt you or those you love and care for, no matter how much you try to talk them out of it. The world is too complex and brutal for pacifism to ever be a reality, and that is a tragedy.

I don't know what's going to happen back at the village at this point, either. It seems to me anyone could die. Thorfinn was their best defense, and now he's out of commission.

Ugh, man, this chapter hit me on a deep, emotional level.

Don't die Thorfinn. I'll be devastated if you do.

Also, just again, shout out to Yukimura's art. I don't know how this guy does it month after month. His art is second to none.

[thestobingirlie]

I'm making a steddie fic bingo based on your post a little bit ago

Anything you think I should add?

okay, so, this is a collection of both glorified abuse tropes, and just all around terrible tropes for many, many reasons. (trying to keep this restricted to things i’ve seen multiple times, and not just in one really terrible fic)

bad steddie tropes:

eddie hurts steve (physically, emotionally etc, often overreacting to a minor misunderstanding), and steve is punished for it, and forced to apologise.

steve’s sexuality has to be explained to him, and he has no ability to understand his own attraction or behaviour. (and on that, when steddie have sex for the first time and steve ‘realises’ he never enjoyed sex with women, and he’s not attracted to them. but is still called bisexual, so robin and eddie can still see him as a lesser queer who doesn’t experience homophobia. it doesn’t matter if he actually experiences homophobia in the fic. it’s nothing in comparison to eddie)

steve’s ‘bad past’ is constantly brought up as something he needs to atone for (often said by eddie to use against steve in an argument).

steve is forced into eddie’s kinks, with no recognition of steve’s trauma. eddie’s sexual satisfaction is all that matters.

anything to do with coming out. there’s just… constant outing. eddie outing steve. the kids walk in on them. robin/the kids tell the others about steddie. etc. then steve is shamed for not wanting to come out (in the 80s!!! often with homophobic parents!!)

steve’s entire life revolves around eddie. he can have no hopes or dreams that aren’t also eddie’s. if he moves into the munson trailer, he’s essentially their servant (bang maid for eddie).

steve cannot exist without something about him being made fun of: his style, the fact he’s an “ex-jock”, his made-up music taste, his dream for children and the nuggets speech, his entire personality, his attraction for eddie isn’t taken seriously because he had previous relationships with women. steve will then be forced to change everything about himself, and prove his worth/love to eddie, but eddie is not held to those same standards. nothing about him had to change. he doesn’t have to prove he’s worthy of steve.

dumb steve and genius eddie. steve is constantly put down for his smarts, and eddie is lauded as a genius because he made a lord of the rings reference. there’ll be some mention of “i don’t know how steve managed to graduate when he’s so fucking stupid he can’t even read, but eddie couldn’t!! and he’s so much smarter!!”

the narrative will put steve through hell, but still prioritise pitying eddie. no matter what happens to steve, we’ll have to worry about eddie first and foremost.

(this really got the discord going, so thank you for this ask lmao!!)

[ikamigami]

Oh I want to yell at Nexus so badly, him talking about how his family didn't love him when they all did, "Sun was grieving the brother he killed" and yet Sun loved Nexus more than Moon and admitted that more than once, "Lunar was just missing the old me" Lunar never indicated he missed Moon more and it's only when Nexus went off the deep end that he got angry, "Earth was only being nice to fulfill a purpose because dad didn't love her" she wanted to help everyone because she's a kind person and she loved Nexus more than anything hence why the two were so vulnerable with one another, I am glad Solar had the reasonable response to that nonsense but I am anticipating certain people twisting this the wrong way, especially with Nexus's whole "you're the only one I cared about Solar", since that's an argument a lot of people make to justify Nexus, how Solar didn't compare Nexus to Moon

Ha ha ha ha ha 🤣

I only want to laugh at Nexus' attempts at lying to himself that he never cared about anyone beside Solar..

He cared..

But also I really don't believe him.. cause why he didn't say that he will kill Sun? 🤨

I get it most of you probably don't see it like that.. and that's fine..

I don't mind being in the tiny itty bitty group of people who are sure that Nexus still cares about Sun.. (I said group of people cause hey! I think that I'm not the only one who thinks that, right?)

Also I'm proud of Solar and I'm glad that I was hoping that he'll react the way he did.. cause I'm serious that I'd lost every bit of respect towards him if he sided with Nexus.. 😬

Also wow Sun can sense star energy now? Or maybe.. just maybe he can sense Nexus cause he's also his Moon? :)

But I agree with you, dear anon and I'm afraid that you're right that certain fans will twist this situation into something else.. 😮‍💨

And also well.. no one is really comparing Nexus to Moon that much.. I remember Monty doing it..

And well Sun didn't mean to compare them and in fact he wasn't comparing them but I'm not surprised why Nexus felt like he was..

But the truth is.. we can't blame Sun for this.. because it's not his fault that he was grieving and that couldn't explain himself when no one allowed him and that no one helped him with trauma caused by Moon back then..

I think that in situations like that.. it just happened.. it wasn't Sun's fault.. and it wasn't Nexus' fault that he had existential crisis because it's understandable considering circumstances..

Things just happen sometimes..

Nothing justify Nexus' actions though.. because like I said.. he wasn't even lashing out..

And even if he might have been more cold and uncaring because of psychotic episode or something like that.. it doesn't justify him almost killing Earth..

Also cause I almost forgot.. it's obvious that it hurt him that Sun locked him in the cell.. but Nexus doesn't know full story.. cause Sun never planned on leaving him there alone.. and he'd definitely visit him again if it wasn't for Puppet, Foxy and Monty.. and I'm sure that if Sun knew better way to stop Nexus from trying to do something bad he'd do that..

Because I get it that locking Nexus wasn't the best idea.. and that it made Nexus' mental state worse.. but I swear that Sun wouldn't do that if he had better idea.. or if anyone else would help him..

I understand Nexus' feelings.. but it doesn't justify his actions..

And I can't wait for the day when he'll realize that he screwed up big time.. but not in a way that "oh I know that I did bad" but that he'll regret it and finally start getting some help.. and also atone for what he's done..

But the thing is that we don't know what VAs planned for Nexus.. but we shall see I guess..