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mookymilksims · 6 months ago

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ULTIMATE Realistic Populated World Roleplay Mods | The Sims 3 | Guide and Tutorial

What's up everyone! Welcome back to my channel, I am super excited to give you guys this tutorial, I've been wanting to make it for awhile! I'm going to offer some alternative and lighter weight techniques on how you can populate your sims 3 world with a small combination of mods and households. I'm also going to show you how to tweak your ini files and how to actually create the lots in your world to simulate the best experience. Let's jump straight into the video because I am so excited to show you!

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Ini Tweaks:

So the first thing you want to do is open your graphics rules ini file in your bin folder. You won't have to scroll or search , the cpu settings will be there as soon as you open the notepad file, change all of those numbers to 4. What this does is massively improves how the sims 3 engine allocates resources in your game. This alone will start sending more sims to more community lots naturally, without any mods. However, we are going to add some extra mods on top of this to help sims make more logical decisions on which lots they will visit, as well as insure that every lot a sim in your active household visits will autonomously send available sims there.

Before we get into the mods I need to explain two very important things to you first.

Community Lots and Households:

These are very important factors when you want to go about creating a more lively world. Contrary to old beliefs, you don't need over 50+ households to populate your worlds. And the smaller the world is, the less sims you'll actually need to fill it.

You also do not need every single community lot available to you in every world, either. In fact, the more optimized your community lots are in the world, the more likely sims will visit them on their own. I will explain this further in depth.

Let's start with community lots:

For example, if you have 3 gym lots in your world, sims will get very confused on which gym to visit. They won't just pick the gym closest to them, and the decision might be so taxing on their little minds they will more than likely choose to not go to any of the gyms altogether.

So if you want to see a more active Gym lot, only regulate this to one gym lot in your world. This may not have been the perfect example as most of you will already have one gym lot in your world, but then you should also notice that it's the easiest lot for the sims 3 engine to fill up. Because it's only one decision the townie sims have to make on where and how to visit this lot.

So for the bars and clubs in your world, you want to regulate this to one of each, and you could probably fit in a second one if you have the NPC's to fill it. Remember that the engine can't send sims to fill the lots if there aren't enough sims to fill it. You also have to factor in if those sims have children and their work hours as well.

So, I typically will make 2 dive bars, one will be a low end hole in the wall, and another will be on the whole other side of town in a completeley different theme or style, I try to incorporate new activites that you can't find on the other lot, so a pool table, karaoke machines, the bull rider, etc. I can get away with 2 dive bars because I use this fixed MSC mod, this mod fixes the EA LN oversight that didn't send townies to these lots very well, it adds a script that will automatically invite sims to these lots when your sim goes to them. So I don't have to worry too much about how many sims are available, as the mod does this for me and invites sims who are free without me having to do anything. The fixed MSC mod also applies to all of the LN lots, btw. And the reason why I keep emphasizing "Fixed" is because someone fixed the travel crash and error code 12 issue that was on the older builds.

As far as an exclusive lounge and dance club, I only make 1 of each. This gives me 3-4 options respectively to have an authentic bar hopping experience in my world. As I love doing this on my sims fun and wild night outs.

So when it comes to all of the other community lots, you already know to have one of each. The only other tip I can offer is that you don't want to put too many functional objects on these lots. As again, this could result in overloading a sims decision making process. The lot and sims become way more optimized when you give them less to do actually. This means you can create themed lots for very specific occasions. For example, when I downloaded a casino lot for my simler90 series, the lot had a ton of the gambling store objects, including a bunch of random objects that wouldn't neccassarily fit into this lot, which resulted in sims standing around a lot more and choosing to sit down instead. When I lowered the amount of functional objects, you begin to see sims gambling more as they now had a clearer reasoning path to decide on what objects to use. This resulted in the lot overall feeling and acting much more realistic, as I would enter the lot and see sims already gambling on it; acting like a real casino.

This is how I was able to understand the sims 3 engine and AI a lot better. We used to make 64 by 64 lots with a bunch of stuff and wonder why it was so laggy, empty, and when sims did get there they weren't really doing anything. You have to optimize lots to get a better aesthetic and gameplay experience.

A coffee shop should only have the ability to buy coffee and free space to sit and chat or use a laptop. This will force sims on this lot to just buy coffee and talk with sims while sitting down. So this lot will look and feel like an actual coffee shop.

So as a basic overview for the lots:

You now know to limit the amount of community lots actually available to all the sims in your world. This makes for a much more immersive experience overall, as sims will naturally populate these lots a lot more when given a reasonable amount of options to visit them.

You now know to limit the amount of functional objects on these lots so that when sims do decide to come to these lots, they will act in a much more realistic way on these lots resulting in a more immersive and roleplay experience.

So now if you are a builder, or just some who likes to remap your world to have a better gameplay experience, consider these steps above. Since you now know that you don't have to add every kind of community lot to get a more active experience, and in fact, this actually hurts the goal you're trying to achieve, remapping the world becomes less stressful and more strategic.

For example, if I have a fish village kind of world, this allows me to add new unique lots specifically for this world that would make more sense. I can send sims to a savvier seller fish market, this is functional, sims can come here and buy all kinds of fish. I can make a cozy cottage core type of wedding venue and winery, this could fit into this world. I could make a small camping lot that can only be reached through a hiking trail on foot, this could fit into this theme. When I think of a fish village I think about family play, so I could add a unique arcade, daycare, and adorable festival lot, where you could see some younger sims running around more frequently. I could make an old town themed pub as a dive bar. I would really only need one of these in this world, so it would be very active, especially at night. I could add an underground rave scene and give it the dance club community lot type, this could signal a small rebellion of these traditional fishery values in the village, and still be quite active, since there would be only 2 "party" lots for sims in this world to visit.

And etc, make the lots fit for your world, and limit the access to how many types of community lots there will be. This ensures more time spent on detail without having to worry about how full these lots would get, as you know they will be very full using this method.

As a final note, you also want to consider opening up your rabbit holes. While, you won't have to make them functional with zerbu's uc mod, you can make these lots functional using other techniques without having to sacrifice less activity. So for example, opening up the diner and bistro RH, allows me two external dining options for my sims. The diner could be a mcdonalds, and the bistro could be a benihana's. I typically roleplay this, like the diner rh being a nice chill hangout and eatery, and the bistro being a much more wealthier upscale place, I use the consort dress code mod, so you can only be in formal attire here, or you could combine this lot with an exclusive lounge and get play out of both types of lots on one optimized lot. Adding Ani's business as unusual set, a piano which will auto assign a pianist, some pretty ball room floors and deco, and you've got a perfect date night or mobster family dinner. Depends on your play style. Because there are 2 of these, the engine will send sims to these lots because it has the RH on them, and when sims get there they will use the menu's to sit down on there own and begin ordering.

So now let's talk about Households.

I made a pretty extensive guide about this on tumblr, which I will link. But as a basic overview, I figured out a couple years ago that you don't actually need a lot of sims in a world to make the world feel populated. However, if you do add a lot of sims, there are ways you can go about it, which isn't as taxing on the sims 3 engine. As you may have noticed, having a lot of sims in your world increases lag and freezing, this is because when you hit the world's limit of townies, you'll get a lot of routing errors (which cause the freezing), with too many community lot options they get confused on where to go change their mind half way, go somewhere else, too many objects on that lot, so an ai freeze when trying to decide what to do. This overall results in a chaotic and laggy experience.

In general, I like adding townies I will actually care about, but this number of households needs to be manageable. So I make around 10-12 official townie households in my world, with a lot of detail on their cas and homes. I decorated their homes in the same way I would mine, because I'm more than likely to actually visit these sims in their homes. This means I can remove all the other houses in my world, because I don't want SP to fill these homes with more sims I don't care for, and will add more strain on the engine anyway. This also leaves more room to configure where I'll be placing my optimized community lots. Don't worry, when I want to world to look like it's more populated than it really is, I add deco buildings, homes, and sims.

Then I add, NPC households. This is an interesting and amazing method because of how it works. I make a very basic home, usually in a basement, with 8 beds, 1 bathroom and 1 kitchen. Just the basics, no cc or detail or decor. Then I add 8 sims. This could be single men/women, teens, children, cashiers, robots, elves, etc.

This is how I can begin to actually populate my world with very little strain on the resources in the sims 3 engine. You see, when sims don't have any way to entertain themselves, or advance their skills, or fulfill their wishes, they are pushed more than ever to LEAVE the home to achieve this. This means you'll see 8 sims from each NPC household more than likely OUTSIDE than sitting in their homes. The engine seems to spend a lot more resources on maintaining the townies when they are in their homes more than when they are visiting a community lot. I noticed this when I had a lot of townies in their homes, without any of these mods or ini tweaks, I had a significant lag because the engine was micro managing all of those sims in their individual homes. This removes so much strain on the engine, when all it has to do is force the sims to leave their homes, as also mentioned before, the engine spends less time on extending resources to them on community lots vs when they are in their homes.

So esentially, what I've done here, is given my engine a huge break, allowing it to allocate ram and resources much more effectively and much quicker, while at the same time introducing more sims into the world without the engine thinking this = more strain.

The third and even less engine intensive technique I use is, Arsil's custom role generator mod. This allows me to add any kind of sims I want, that the engine doesn't actually have to control or allocate, as this mod is a script and sims from this script are seen as bin sims/service sims. They simply disappear back into an invisible bin until their shift starts. So if I want to add regular customers to my Benihannah's without worrying about the strain on my engine I can achieve this effortlessly. However, I use this method on lots that aren't seeing a lot of activity. Keep in mind, everyone builds their worlds differently, and there are many factors to consider why a sim may not be as interested in one community lot as others, while this is mostly self explanatory sometimes, this isn't as cut and dry. So, for example, I notice that unless my sims actually visit the beach lots in my worlds, there won't be a lot of sims on it. Sometimes, there will be one or 2 sims, but in general, it doesn't see a lot of action. So I set a seasonal lot marker on the lot, and then proceed to add 4-6 new custom role markers (I transmogrify them into beach deco items, to blend in), I set this up for the summer time, as this would make the most sense for more sims to visit. And then I add a bunch of deco beach sims to the lot on top of that. That way when my sims visit the beach, it will already have 4-6 sims on it, but it will look like 20 sims are there, and the engine will probably send 5-8 more sims which will result in a very active lot everytime I visit.

This is how you can utilize the arsil technique to gain more popularity on lots.

Which leads to my next point, consider what is actually about the population that you care about so much? For me, I want the world to look full without the lag. I was able to achieve this with deco sims. The engine doesn't have to do anything at all for this, as deco sims are objects. I want to play on lots where I could take a screen shot without having to even set up a scene, like for instance making the lot look and feel full. Deco sims are already posed, so all I have to do is move them into place. I have learned how to severely decimate these objects to make them completely playable in the sims 3, so I am going to have a lot of fun converting ts4 deco sims to ts3. This is going to be perfect for my building and roleplaying style.

For me, a townie that I don't care for might as well be a deco sim, the only use I have for them is to decorate the background of my screen shots. That may sound harsh but it's the reality. I make every sim in my world with intention. If I can't see you being an enemy, lover, friend, at some point in my story, then the sim isn't useful to me. And if the sim isn't manning a savvier seller station, or cooking and serving at my benihanna's then what are you even doing here other than taking up resources? I wouldn't even care for the sim to populate my UC lots, because I can just use deco sims for that, too.

Understanding these new household techniques, combined with your new understanding of community lots creates a POWERFUL new experience that's results in smoother/faster gameplay on active and filled community lots.

So in general, you actually want to have more townies than community lots. You can achieve both without lag using my NPC households method, and more strategically themed community lots together. This means all of your community lots will more than likely always be active no matter what your sim is doing in the world.

And now we are going to add mods on top of that.

We already discussed the fixed MSC Mod. So let's move on to the others.

I know most of you were expecting to see the Lot Population mod on this list, but I'm going to tell you exactly why it isn't. The mod teleports sims randomly around my world, the mod promised to send sims to lots they would actually visit, and even according to the season, but I didn't see this result. Instead, sims, no matter what their personality was, were randomly appearing at every lot I paused an looked at. I wouldn't even be sending my sims to this lot, I'd just be looking at the lot, this often resulted in freezing, hiccups, and slight lag. If I had more than one sim in my household out and about and I switched over to other sim, I would see the same sims I just saw across town pop out over there. This broke my immersion by a lot. Not only that, but a lot of these sims would be using objects, with props, and when being teleported it temporarily broke the interaction, which resulted in props and objects floating in mid air, or being unusable, or showing up on other lots where it wouldn't even be possible for those objects and props to show up. This caused routing and script lag in my game by a noticeable amount. I was on a reduced version, and still noticed these issues. I really wanted to like this mod, and if it didn't break my immersion and cause more performance issues, I would otherwise love it. But unfortunately, I had to find some lighter alternatives that handled both of the issues I noticed with this mod.

This leads me to the Get out project, or you could of course just download arsil's script yourself and tweak the settings to your liking. BoringBone's tweaks the settings of Arsil's script and includes his own mods in a few modules to balance out the tweaks he made as well as enhance the overall experience.

These are the modules I downloaded for my mod list: Pedestrians Smart Vehicles

With all of these mods combined, sims are being pushed out and about in the world immediately, consistently, reasonably, while still allowing some sims to stay home. Which is another issue I had with the lot population mod. There were never any sims at home. This caused issues when townies threw parties, and invited me, I would go and no one would be home; so no party. This caused issues when I wanted to visit a friend I made in their homes for story telling and gameplay purposes, because they weren't home to open the door. This caused issues when inviting sims out, going on dates, inviting sims over. They would be randomly selected to teleport to another lot my other sim was on so it would completely break these interactions. The get out script isn't that invasive. It doesn't break these features and interactions, sims aren't being teleported, they are choosing to visit more lots more frequently. If they throw a party, or invite me out, or I invite them out, the EA script function takes back over and allows me to actually see the end of these interactions. On top of that, there wasn't any lag with this mod installed, as sims would be doing what the engine is already coded for them to do, just more of it; visiting community lots. The mod also adds walk abouts like how you'll see in the TS4, which I also combine with Shimrod's townies out on the town, where you'll see double the amount of walkabouts, while also extending a reasonable and light weight function to populate the lots in between.

Combing this with the Supreme AI mod, unlocks the sims AI in very innovative ways, for this particular guide, the supreme ai mod allows sims to make more logical decisions on which community lots to visit based off of their traits. While it's not completely set in stone, and still has a randomized feature which adds more interesting outcomes, now you'll see a lot more athletic sims at the gym, sims with hampers in their home at the laundromat, rebels and part animals at bars, clubs, and arcades, teens and kids at parks, arcades, libraries, the pool, etc. Let alone all of the other changes included in this mod, it has to be recommended for the logical fixes it applies to EA's system of how sims decide to go where.

The last mod I want to recommend here is the nana no shop in RH's. This mod makes it so sims no longer autonomously visit and enter RH lots. If you ever wondered where all your sims were, and you knew they weren't working at the time, they were probably inside of a RH. The game pushes them to sit inside of them for an extended period of time, this is to simulate to the player that the townies are alive and doing their own things. This isn't a problem in an unmodded game, however, when you're like me and open up your RH anyway, this mod would be a perfect enhancer, it still sends sims to my opened RH lots, and RH's in general like to eat outside of a bistro or diner, but it no longer allows them to enter RH's and sit inside of them. This means more sims who are available to visit community lots actually visiting those lots. Townies don't need to go grocery shopping in the RH because they can automatically get their ingredients from the fridge, with whatever recipes they choose to cook. The only reason a townie would need to visit the hospital is if they are giving birth. Unless a sim works at the police department or is going to jail, they don't need to be there, either. And well, you get the point. Any need for a RH for townies will be assigned to their tasks and they will be unable to take it off, this is for what they NEED. When you want to actually see those townies around town instead of sitting in RH's, this mod fixes that issue altogether.

So now I'm going to go in game and show you the kind of results that you can expect by following this guide.

First I will show you the normal populated world, this is what you're used to seeing in game. Then I will show you what it looks like when you optimize your community lots and add my NPC Household method. Let's begin!

Conclusion: As you all saw the massive difference in gameplay, either one still works out much better than the normal EA lot population method. So you can play this in either style. With my NPC household method and more optimized community lots this just promises better performance with populated lots, significantly. You don't have to follow this method, you can just use the guide and mod collection outlined here!

I want to thank you all for joining me , I am so happy I finally got to show you guys how to populate your worlds lag free, I love all of the support I've been getting, you guys are just so awesome! I have more videos coming for you so I'll see you in the next video!

Mod links:

MSC Fixed mod get out supreme ai shimrods townies out on the town

nana no shop in RH's

Arsil Custom Role Generator

#tutorial #tutorials #sims 3 roleplay #roleplay guides #roleplay #ts3 #sims3 #simblr #ts3 simblr #ts3mods #Youtube

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someonehugratchet · 8 days ago

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Breakdown has been gone for no less than a week when Ratchet receives a heavily encrypted message.

At first he thinks it’s nothing and it’s only years of combat through his technology and being a medic that he even spots that something is different about it.

The one difference in the file is a punctuation at the end, a single full stop that is something humans do instead of the cybertronian symbol.

He opens the file, works his way through it for over two earth hours, and when he’s finally done everyone has gone to have their shutdown and the humans are at home safe and sound.

Part of him thinks it could be a trap sent my Soundwave but there’s something in his spark that’s telling him to trust it. He’s been a doctor for years, he’s learnt that trusting your instinct is the most important part of the job. It’s a combination of prior knowledge, subconscious awareness and thinking and the thing humans call a ‘gut feeling’.

Ratchet opens the last link and finds a message that reads,

“Hello Doctor.

I am aware that we are not friends and work for opposing forces, but I am desperate. I am not sending this because I have had a change of spark or something dramatic like that, though I can’t say I have never thought of that.

No, this is far more important than any sides of a war or Megatrons foolish little game.

I am with sparkling.”

Ratchet stalls for a moment at that sentence before stealing his nerves and continuing.

“I found out around two deca-cycles ago and was afraid to tell the Sire, and now he is gone.

If Megatron finds out about this, both that I am with sparkling and that I can conceive, I will never be safe. He hasn’t been too focused on it, but we all know he has put plans in place should he have the chance to have an heir.

I’m not stupid enough to think he won’t find out, and I’m not too prideful to put my ego and desire to been correct over the life of my sparkling.

So I am asking you as both a medical professional and a close friend of Optimus for help.

I don’t need you to let me join you or live among you, but please help me get out.

I am begging you to help me make sure my sparkling doesn’t end up like Shockwave or Megatron or, Primus forbid, Starscream. I want my to have the chance to choice who it wants to be, and I know that it’s Sire would have wanted for us all to be with you Autobots.

But I have accepted this too late.

Turn me away if you wish, but please help my sparkling.

I don’t have much time and I do not want to terminate it, it’s all I have left of Breakdown.

Yours truely,

Knock-Out.”

Ratchet actually had to sit down once he’s finished reading, serve pressed to his chaises in both shock and heavy understanding. He helped many with their sparklings during the war and knew well the grief of it, even if it was never something he went through.

He sits there for a long time, considering every thing he knows, before he stands again and sends a message back with identical encryption.

“Knock-Out.

I am sorry for what you are going through, both your loss and your situation.

Whether my team wants you here or not I will find a safe place for you, this I promise you on the All Spark. I am sure Optimus will understand but we must act quickly, so listen to my instructions and I will be able to keep your family safe.”

Ratchet lays out the plan quickly and with no room for miscommunication, even going so far as to send a ground bridge for the Mech at a certain point during the next cycle.

He can deal with the teams reactions once’s he’s got Knock-Out safely out of his enemies hands.

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whiskeynwriting · 1 year ago

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Do simon and bones ever get that night where they don’t have to be quiet?? And maybe simon loses himself and goes completely feral trying to pull as many noises from her as possible that make his brain melt?? 🥺

Ohhh anon. Yes, yes they do.

Love Is a Sin (Part One)

Simon “Ghost” Riley x OFC “Bones”

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Word Count: 12.2k

Warnings: 18+ (minors DNI)

Smoking, mention of war and military lifestyle, use of weaponry, dirty talk, mask kink, size kink, tiny praise kink, cockwarming (kinda?), oral sex (f receiving), unprotected vaginal sex, fluffies and vulnerability, secrecy, protective Ghost (I yearn). Lmk if I missed anything!

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A/N: Enjoy part one my babies! Part two gets a little darker... I'm so excited.

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Simon “Ghost” Riley Masterlist

Join My Taglist!

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It’s not often that you find yourself here, this is actually your first genuine invitation. Any other reason was to simply grab materials for a craft or files from a desk. And whenever you did that, it was by yourself. Because when the boys were in here, those doors were locked tight, their voices a muted drone in the halls. No one was allowed access into the debriefing room unless given specific clearance from Price.

“Grab a seat.” The man of the hour speaks, motioning toward the table.

They’re already gathered around the captain’s spread of plans, all three of them. And when Price speaks to you, each and every one of their heads turn, eyes and brows moving with bewilderment. None of them knew you were attending this meeting, not even Ghost.

His eyes, above anyone else’s, widen. No one moves for a moment, not until Simon stands. Rising to his feet, he towers over every man, brows narrowing before he turns, grabbing one of the folding chairs leaning against the wall. With a quick jerk of his hand, the chair unfolds into its natural position. And then, he’s setting it down beside his own seat, lowering himself once again.

Johnny cocks an eye at his somewhat gentlemanly act, and although it’s done with sweet intention, you can practically feel Simon’s aversion to your presence. You knew this would upset him.

“Uncharted territory.” Price declares, a single, thick finger slamming down onto the map. “And that’s why we need her.” That finger is then directed at you. And as each man turns their head, you don’t feel intimidation, but pride, swelling within you.

But your partner, on the other hand, finds his insides rotting with disapproval. They knew where they’d be going, they knew what they’d be risking, but they had no idea they’d have to bring you. But aside from Simon, everyone there seemed thrilled.

“Finally get to see what yer all about.” Soap grins, giving you a rather rough pat on the back.

Gaz smiles, leaning onto the table with his forearms. “She knows what she’s doing.”

“Damn right.” And when you look up, Price is beaming with pride. He brought you to the base for a reason; he always knew you’d be a reliable member. “She’s the best we’ve got, and we’re gonna need all the help we can get.”

All this talk and Simon’s head hasn’t turned once, his eyes fixed completely on you. His stare is almost blank, lost, void of emotion as he begins to dissociate from this. Before you, only his family had gotten so close to him. And even now, you’re more important to him than they ever were. He’s never let himself get so wrapped up in this type of thing, an actual relationship. And now he’s going to be bringing you with him? He’s never even so much as trained with you. You’re not ready for this, and neither is he. But your unpreparedness is clearly developing in different ways.

“Ghost.”

Snapping his gaze toward the captain, he jostles his head. “Yeah?”

“We’re gonna need your head in the game for this one.”

“Always.”

And just like that, you’re running through the plans. No man’s land, disputed ground between your team and the enemy. Many squadrons have been deployed and just as many have died. With the team specializing in infiltration, counter-terrorism and covert assignment, they were the next group to be tasked with the mission. This wasn’t going to be a simple assignment.

But honestly, you’re not here for any of that. You don’t specialize in any type of infiltration or counter-terrosim techniques. Right now, you’re a medic, and with the zone they’re invading, Price wants you on deck in case anyone gets hurt. They have a better chance of making it through if they have someone that can quickly wrap up a wound. It also helps that you have experience in the field, but both physically and mentally. Before becoming a medic, and now lead medic at the base, you specialize in close quarter combat and weapons tactics, traits Price found just as valuable. He knows you won’t hold them back.

Simon knows all of this, he knows better than anyone just how good you are at this. But you’ve never experienced this kind of warfare, and he doesn’t want you to witness it. He also doesn't want you to witness the kind of man he is during it.

“We’re due to set off tomorrow evening. We’ll use the cover of night to be dropped in over the mountains, where we’ll then hike. It’s about a twenty kilometer trek from there to the safe house. There, we’ll get our rest, reconvene and set out for the building.”

Sliding his finger to one portion of the map, he displays the safe house’s location. Continuing to move, he then shows just how close the targeted building is.

Price’s voice dips dangerously low when he explains, “Only eight kilometers away.”

“How is it a safe house if it’s that close to enemy lines?” Soap asks, twisting his face in confusion.

“The enemy has yet to infiltrate that forest, they know nothing of its ground or the layout. They wouldn’t risk crossing uncharted territory just to explore a piece of land they aren’t interested in. Besides, the house is surrounded by landmines and snares, something we’ll need to pay attention to and avoid.”

With emphasis on his last word, those deep baby blues then drift to Gaz, who’s trying to duck away like some embarrassed tortoise. “I know, I know.” The team remembers Gaz’s mistake far too well, tossing a rock to test the space before nearly blowing himself to bits.

“Any other questions?”

About a million, though he doesn’t say it. They all revolve around you, anyway.

“Right.” Slapping a hand against the table, he then stands. “We’re clear to move out tomorrow evening, eighteen hundred hours. Am I clear?”

“Clear.” The three men proclaim in unison, prompting you to jump slightly in your seat. And Ghost chuckles.

“C-Clear.” You repeat, feeling foolish doing so by yourself.

Price grins, giving you a cheeky wink. He knows you’ll fit in given the right amount of time. “Night lads.” Your captain then states, giving you a nod. “And lass.”

Everything feels thick and heavy - your clothes, the air, the shaft invading your most intimate space. His sighs are full of spearmint and tobacco, hints of his cologne floating up to your nose. Every sense feels invigorated, the emotions of embarrassment and exposure melting away just from being in his presence. Simon calms you, he grounds you.

“Christ,” His breaths come out in humid puffs, seeping out through the top crack of the window. It intermingles with the nighttime air, the darkening atmosphere as it fades to dusk. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

Bulky arms wrap around your midsection, one hand dipping down to fist your ass. It’s then that you feel him pulse against your walls, prompting a delighted sigh from your throat.

“I think I know.” Your sultry voice responds, hips moving gracefully over his pelvis. But your breaths are still heavy, enjoying the cool breeze that occasionally drifts in. And those heavy wafts of air soak into his neck when you lean in, running your lips over his ear. “I think I know exactly what I do to you.”

Those sweetly sinful words give the allusion of rough and quick sex, all teeth and tongue and torn clothes. But that’s not what this is about, not right now, not at all. It’s passionate, sensual, but slow and needy, too. Your motions are relaxed, Simon’s hands encouraging the gradual roll of your hips. And when you’re not speaking to him, or him to you, you’re lifting yourself up to his mouth. Here, the tips of your tongues touch, just barely dancing together as you tease one another, before inevitably falling back down to mouth tenderly at his neck.

“You’re so fucking good,” He praises, thick fingers pressing into your backside as he pants briefly. “Give me more, oh, god… more.”

Rocking his hips upward, he meets your sensual rolls, finding unison with you. From the moment you crawled onto his lap in the backseat of his Jeep, his eyes were on you, on your pretty face and every expression you make. Even now, he reaches out, cupping your cheek and bringing you down to him with a gentle force that screams Simon.

His mouth consumes your own, his entire tongue sliding inside while his moan vibrates down your throat. It’s then that he twitches against your delicate channel, gasping into your mouth, breathing in your air. Holding you down on his lap, he forces you to still, now choosing to thrust up.

“Simon,”

“God,” He groans, shoving himself up into your center over and over again. And at this point, it’s a familiar feeling, the sensation of being overly full, stretched to your limit and still wanting more. “Love it when you say my name.”

Leaning backward against the seat, he urges you to put your weight on his chest, planting his feet on the floor of the car to gain better leverage. Here, he punches himself into your sex, reveling in the way it squeezes hotly around him.

“Fucking C-Christ.”

The Jeep rocks from the force of it, your collective moans spilling out into the nighttime air. But neither of you are worried. You’d found this spot to be particularly secluded, even from the constant patrols. Parked amongst the trees with the car off, at nearly midnight, seemed to be your new routine. It was the closest you could get to feeling free.

“Take it off.” Your Lieutenant then requests, one hand lifting to your chest.

He palms you roughly, slowing the action down as he then decides on a tender rub; he wants to show you how gentle he can be. So, while considering both his actions and words, he moves carefully, speaks gently. “Can I see?”

“Mhm,” With a wide grin, you nod, glancing down to undo the front of your quarter zip. The easiest way to give him access is to guide your sports bra up and over the tops of your breasts, exposing yourself to him.

“Oh,” Ghost groans, ducking his head into the crook of your neck. “Lovely.” He says it as his hand returns, doing his best to not let the material of his glove scratch you too rough.

Your lover’s touch has grown quite accustomed to your feminine features, your smooth skin, your most delicate places. Instead of running over it with quick motions, his thumb touches your nipple gently, just barely rubbing tiny circles into it. And he listens to your breath, too. The lungs give everything away.

“Baby, please…”

“What d’you want, love?” Mumbling into your neck, he kisses it, loosening his grip and allowing you to move again. And instantly, you do, wrapping your arms around his neck and bouncing down onto him.

“Oh, fuck me.”

Now that your shirt is open, it leaves you vulnerable to the roughness of his tac vest. And it scratches you harshly, zippers and velcro scraping across your sensitive skin. But in truth, you like it. It’s almost like another mark he can give.

“Fuck, those whimpers… that’s gonna make me bust right inside.”

Regardless of your place in the woods, you still have to keep yourself quiet. You and Simon have yet to have a night where you can fully be yourselves, where you can fully indulge in each other. This has been the closest thing to it.

“S-Simon,” Your voice is light, airy and shaky. And you’re clinging to him for dear fucking life, because not only has he matched your fervent pace, he’s exceeded it. “Baby.”

“Take it,” He nearly growls, “Take it in your tight cunt.”

The muscles lining your insides flutter from his words, from his brute force. Sex with Simon was always so passionate, so intimate; it was a different type of experience. And you’ve fully leaned into it since the first night you got to experience him.

“Fucking hell, princess, I can feel it. You’re gonna cum on me.” And he really can; your velvety center pulsing around him, around the thick intrusion repeatedly splitting you open.

But the way he says it almost embarasses you, and he chuckles when you duck down to hide your face from him. Smooshing your cheeks against his neck, your quiet grunts come with his every thrust.

“C’mon, baby.” He coos with a grin, encouraging you. And something about Simon using the word baby makes you absolutely swoon. “Like it when you cum on me… you know that.”

It’s then that you finally give in, a sense of pleasure bursting from your lower pelvis and reaching into every limb. The entire sensation is a true release, mentally and physically. Both of his hands find your backside as he rides you through it, squeezing harshly while your pelvis ruts over him, your entire body trembling.

“That’s it…” Eyes rolling back, he drops his head against the seat’s headrest. But his hold on you hasn’t given up just yet.

His own euphoria shoots from his insides when your fingernails find him, digging into his skin. Your slender digits scratch at his neck, at the tendons between his throat and shoulder, and it just fucking sends him.

Ghost has gotten quite comfortable releasing inside you. The two of you had forgone condoms fairly quickly. And in the beginning, it was due to the rush of things, the need to have the other right then and there, or at least, as soon as you could. But now, it’s for the feeling, the intimacy. There’s really nothing else like it. In truth, he always hated the latex barrier when it came to you.

Shivering briefly, you release an affectionate breath, a shaky inhale before cuddling into him. Used to this reaction by now, both of those bulky arms wrap around your back, holding you against his chest. He finds it endearing, your need for closeness, especially as the two of you come down.

Smoothing a hand over your head, he kisses the top of it, rumbling to you in that deep, entrancing voice, “You’re so good for me.”

And he means it in more ways than this. Truly, you bring out the niceness in him, whatever amount of it he has left. The longer you and Simon stayed together, the more you connected, the more you felt like you could really do this. Your relationship could be sustainable, and you could be vulnerable.

Every chance Simon got, he took to your side. In the training yard, he’d lift weights adjacent to your station. In the cafeteria, he always saved you a seat next to him. And in the debriefing room, he pulled up a chair for you beside him. And while the two of you were busy gravitating towards each other, your teammates were busy with eyeing your movements. It was starting to look suspicious.

“You alright, love?”

Even when he’s done, and his breaths have steadied, he rests inside you. He did this often, especially when you rode him. While your need for closeness was expressed with words, his was expressed with actions. And this action, was one of his favorites.

“Mhm,” Grinning, your eyes shut, your body weight resting comfortably on his chest. Removing your arms from around his neck, they instead loop around his wide midsection, hugging him.

He’d been trying to ignore the issue at hand, the issue that’s only an issue to him. And while you riding him was more than a good enough distraction, now, he was now in his head again. Feeling you wrap your arms around him softens something inside his heart, and now more than ever, he wants to keep you protected.

With a small grunt, he shifts, arms lifting behind your back. Listening closely, you can hear the velcro separating on his hand, and then the drop of a single glove onto the seat to your left. Simon’s warmth then envelopes your chest, the slow drag of his naked hand across your breasts. He caresses them fondly, before focusing on the right.

“Didn’t get to enjoy these much.” Your soldier murmurs, cupping your tit and pushing it up toward his waiting mouth.

Lips, warm and wet, wrap around your nipple, sucking softly on it. His palm is warm, fingers pressing into your smooth flesh. It’s his favorite part of you, after all. He knew it before even seeing their bare skin.

“Hm…” Reaching up to the back of his head, you release a relaxing breath. Your head drops back as you cradle him against your chest, feeling the passionate massage he begins to give them. “Love this, Si…”

“Mm,” He moans in response, eyes closing as he enjoys you.

He feels surrounded by you, and you by him. Resting like this together feels so special, almost sacred. You crave it. A profound sense of longing fills you, and you feel foolish, because he’s right here. He’s here with you and still, you can’t get enough.

Sliding your hands around to his cheeks, your head turns as you lean in. Lips press sweetly to his second skin, the black fabric covering his temple. And it makes him chuckle quietly, kissing the slope of your breast.

“Like my mask?”

“Mhm,” Your lips curl into a devilish grin while pressing against him, holding his head even closer to you.

“Do you…” With a deep breath, he lifts his head, eyes finding you. “Do you ever wish you could see my face?”

With this question, you still, looking at him with a quietly shocked expression. Swallowing, you think before speaking, knowing that your words need to be respectful and calculated. But it only takes one for a decent response that can also be truthful.

“Yes.”

Just barely nodding, Simon’s heart pounds inside his chest. Now that he knows this, he feels like he’s disappointed you.

“But I know you don’t want to show me.” You continue, surprising him. “And that’s okay.”

And you think this is the most innocent those deep brown eyes have ever looked. His brows raise beneath the mask, taken aback by your reaction.

“It really is, Si.” And your sweet smile capitalizes on your sentiment.

Your presence in Simon’s life, the grace you give him, it all still astounds him. Some six months later and still, you continue to bring purpose to his life every single day. He hasn’t quite realized it, but that’s exactly how he sees it.

Without another word spoken, his hand rises to the back of your head, bringing you down for a passionate kiss. Your own hands slide down to his jaw, petting lightly at the blonde stubble he has. And you count yourself lucky he’s even let you see that.

“Want a smoke with me?” Simon asks against your lip, nipping at your lower one when you grin.

“Sure, baby.”

Shifting onto one side of his hip, he grabs the pack and lighter from his pants pocket before settling back onto the seat. With one item going to his lips, the other is held up to you, quick to be taken by one of your hands. It’s endearing when he does this, silently asking for a bit of help, even if it’s as small as this.

His face, the features you’ve been allowed to see, light up from the small fire. The quiet sizzle of the joint hums in this small lull before he takes a breath in, fingers grabbing the end. Turning, he releases the smoke into the air, feeling your hand drop the lighter onto the seat beside him. And while this hushed pause should resemble a sense of peacefulness, it prompts a certain worry inside you.

“Si?”

“Yeah?” When his eyes return to you, they’re squinted slightly, eyebrows furrowed. But not in anger or annoyance. What’s bothering him?

“Are you okay?” Lifting your hand, you lay it over his cheek, fingertips brushing over that black mask. “You seem…quiet. Quieter than normal.” And your small poke at him makes both of you grin.

With a sigh, he lifts the cig, offering it to you and then watching you take it. He can’t bring himself to look you in the eyes when he says, “Don’t know how I feel about you tagging along, sweets.”

Without meaning to, he questions your abilities, the same abilities you’ve trained for years to gain. But you take his comment better than he expected.

“Yeah?” You chuckle, raising a brow as you tease, “Afraid I’ll show you up?” Another puff and you’re handing it back to him, curious about what’s going on inside that skull.

“Nah, it’s nothing like that.” Casually, he shakes his head, inhaling on his pass. “Place we’re going is… it’s not a place for you to be.”

“I know it’s dangerous, Si. That’s why I’m going, so I can help you guys.” You knew it, you fucking knew he’d have an issue with you coming. You just weren’t sure how deep that worry was.

And now, he’s silent for a minute, a long minute. Looking away from your gaze, those deep eyes wander to the window, searching for the right words to say. Something along the lines of… “Just don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Awe…” Again, you’re teasing, poking fun to avoid the real conflict. Neither of you want to have a serious conversation, not when your entire life is one giant critical discussion. But you have to admit, you like seeing this side of him.

Leaning in, you nuzzle his temple, your voice turning quiet and sweet. “I like it when you’re soft with me, big boy. Makes me feel like you care.”

“‘Course I do.”

And when you snuggle even further into him, his eyes close, a heavy breath released from his nose. It’s a silent response, his body reacting to your genuine adoration for him. He makes sure to keep his head still, wanting you to continue the loving motion. And you do, reveling in the way his arm returns to circle around you.

It’s not about him doubting you, it’s about him protecting you. He knows you can handle yourself, and he found that incredibly attractive when you first met. But now? He just wants to keep you safe, make sure you stay on base and never have to see combat again. But Price was the one to call the shot this time.

On the other hand, Ghost is also worried about the team. Specifically, he’s worried about them discovering your relationship. No one knows about the two of you except for Johnny, and neither of you want anyone else to find out. And if you somehow get hurt out there, his emotions are sure to expose themselves. There’s not a single chance his affection for you won’t show, his angry and possessive nature sure to shine through. After that, they’re bound to figure it out.

“I’ll be with you,” Comes your gentle response. “How could I ever get hurt when I’m with you?”

Sweet, he thinks. But it’s not enough to reassure him.

The helo ride is easy, nothing that gives you jitters in any sort of way. The only thing you wish was different, was the view - there isn’t one. The entire ride is done with complete cover, not a window in sight as you all sit in the far back, strapped to your seats and waiting to be told otherwise.

Johnny had insisted you hunker down with him, he honestly wants to get to know you a bit more. Especially now that you’re dating his best friend. He also wanted to distract said friend; Simon needs to keep his head on straight. But Ghost wasn’t having any of that. Not because he was worried Soap would make a move, but because he promised himself you wouldn’t be leaving his side for even a second throughout this trip.

While sitting beside each other, you find yourself wanting him, yearning for his touch, to lean against his shoulder or even hold his hand. But the closest you two settle for is the touching of your knees. Around the boys, you manspread just like them. So, while leaning back in your seat, you do just that. And of course, Simon doesn’t move an inch. He likes your need for touch, it matches his quite nicely. It might even make him smile beneath his mask.

“Drop point,” Price announces, “Comin’ up fast.”

And upon command, the four of you release your buckles, standing to correct your straps. Simon eyes you from his peripheral as you adjust your vest, leaning down to check the pistol in your thigh holster and then the one secured to your stomach. He finds it attractive, watching you train your knowledge of weapons. But he shakes those thoughts out of his head. Right now, he’s making sure the way you’re loading them is correct.

Hovering above the designated location, each of you approaches the sliding door. Once Price tosses the rope down, he’s the first one on it, landing on the ground with a firm thud and immediately securing the area. Then, Gaz, Soap, and Ghost. You’re last, and it’s for your best interest. It gives you the advantage of watching them, taking notes on how to do this. And when you finally secure your gloves and grab hold of the rope, you look to them on the ground. But it’s not the team you find. Grinning, your eyes immediately lock, his trained on you beneath that stoic mask. He’s standing at the bottom, staring up and waiting for you. And all he wants to do is tell you to stay, or at the very least, catch you. But all he can do is watch as you slide down, restraining himself from wrapping his arm around you once you’re on the ground.

His Reckoner gear is menacing, though his attire usually is. The black jacket matches the shawl slung loosely around his neck, draping down onto his chest. Shielding him from the rapidly growing winds is his outfit’s hood, tight around his head and mask. You find yourself favoring this look, so dark and mysterious. It’s how you first saw him when you met. And you’re dressed similarly, your entire outfit made up of black and gray canvas, a scarf around your neck and gloves on your hands, with your own hood up, too.

Only a small part of you tries to separate yourself from him, but it doesn't reach surface level, not even close. Regardless of wanting to hide your relationship, you stick to each other like glue. Taking his position at the rear of the group, he makes sure to keep his strides in line with you, matching your pace expertly as you continue forward.

The silence between you is comfortable, familiar, and again, you find yourself longing for him. With a devious thought creeping into your mind, you let your hand fall to your side, wandering further enough to swipe your pinky across his thumb.

“Think you’re ready for this?” A deep, Scottish accent suddenly asks.

Jumping sharply, your hand instantly flinches away from your lieutenant. “W-What?”

“Bit jumpy, there?”

Smirking, you roll your eyes, hands grabbing the straps of your vest. “I’m just fine, Johnny.” And then, you nod, feigning an air of smugness. “What about you?”

“Born ready, sweetheart.”

Ghost huffs. “Born a pretty boy.” But even he’s grinning as he says it.

“Fuckin’ grump,” Soap teases, walking backward and just ahead of you two so he can continue talking. “We’re only an hour in.”

“And still needing to secure our position.” Dad - Price, snaps, reminding Soap to keep his voice down.

At this, Johnny’s eyes widen, his body jerking around before jogging forward to catch up with the rest of the group. You chuckle at his reaction, but Ghost doesn’t make another sound as you continue. He’s too busy with his own thoughts to converse with you.

Flurries of snow buzz around your covered heads, sticking to the fabric of your scarves, the hairs of your eyelashes and the scruff on the boys’ chins. It brings about a certain childlike bliss, a winter wonderland in the midst. Smiling innocently at the beautiful landscape around you, those joyful emotions soon dissipate alongside your captain’s voice.

“Ice ahead.” He declares, signaling for the rest of you to ready yourselves. And with a deep breath, that’s just what you attempt to do.

“Grab your ice axe.” Simon murmurs, twisting around to grab his own.

“I know.” You sass, reaching back for the tools in your pack.

Easily, he dismisses your attitude. All he wants is for you to be prepared, adding on, “A bundle of rope, too.

Approaching the mountain, you ready yourself. Almost as if staring a beast in the eye, you stand flat on your feet, staring up at the vast landscape. It’s intimidating, this imposing piece of nature. Familiar winds sweep across the rocky edges, brushing the snow from its various levels. And beneath it lay thick layers of ice, sheet after sheet sliding down the summit’s side.

“You and I can go first, get to the top fast as we can.” Simon decides, planting a hand on your lower back and ushering you toward the front of the group.

“Why?”

“Let’s go.” Easily, Simon pushes his way forward, right beside you.

His added attention to your every move is noticeable within the group. And honestly, it’s starting to irritate you. To an extent, it’s insulting, especially in front of the other men. But you need to focus on the task at hand, and that doesn’t include any of your emotions about him.

Reaching up, a small grunt is released as you swing your pick, digging it into the ice. And once Simon is sure you have your footing, he starts up right alongside you. He’s below your stance and slightly to your right, watching your steps while trying to keep his own in check. But to his surprise, you’re doing fairly well for your first time. The burn in your muscles is nothing compared to the determination to prove Price right. He won’t regret bringing you on this mission.

However, repeatedly hoisting your body up while trying to find your footing is becoming increasingly difficult as you go on, gravity beginning to weigh heavy against your body. Every step is met with a disgruntled groan or grunt, with Ghost’s echoing below you. Eventually, you start to hear the rest of the team’s noises, each man climbing up at their own pace.

“You alright, lass?”

“Ye-ah,” Comes your breathy response, releasing an airy laugh. “This isn’t so h–hard.”

You’re speaking as you climb, with every other word coming out between some type of guttural noise. And further beneath your feet, Johnny laughs in return.

“McTavish, watch your footing.” Price chides, his voice hurried and a bit frantic. It startles you. “McTavish!”

Breaking open your seemingly sound world is the sudden cracking of ice, your eyes going wide. The sound of frozen water splitting between the five of you echoes along the summit’s climb, and soon after, your teammates’ yells, too.

“Soap!”

Glancing down, you barely have time to react before Ghost is barking at you. “Head up!”

Instantly, your head snaps upward, breaths labored as worry consumes you. Your ears ring with the sudden spike of adrenaline forcing blood through your veins, heart pumping from the appearance of your base instincts.

“Keep going!” He continues to shout, “That’s an order, Bones!”

With everything in you, you want to look down, especially when you hear the boys’ continuation of panicked shouts. But beside you, Ghost’s movements pick up, your own now excelling forward, too.

Simon’s chest heaves beside you as he scrambles up the side of the mountain, your movements now just as fast. Stab after stab, you hurl your arms upward against the ice, forcing the axe into the thick sheets.

“S-Simon.”

“Keep going.” Is all he says, all he’s able to say.

And in the blink of an eye, you’re at the top curve. Simon hauls himself over the side, immediately leaning over the cliff’s edge to reach for your hand.

“Take it! Take it now!”

“Price!” Gaz yells in the distance, a heavy thud heard at the bottom of the cliff.

“John.” You barely whimper, thinking the worst has come.

The firm grip of your lieutenant’s hand suddenly wraps around your wrist, yanking you up and over the edge. You land on your stomach with a hard unff, Simon’s hand now settling over your lower back. He can’t see anything, a thick dusting of snow covering the lower half of their climb. For a moment, he thinks about yelling, but chooses to flick on his comms instead.

“Price?” He questions into the mic, eyes searching frantically for any one of them. “Soap?”

“We’re here.”

“What the bloody hell happened?”

“Wrong, wrong move.” Johnny huffs through the link. “Ice cracked, Price fell. Me shortly after; Gaz was still close to the ground.”

“Anyone hurt?”

“Just a bit.” Price finally answers, and this is when you move to sit up. But Simon’s firm hand on your back keeps you down. “I’ll be fine, just a sore back.”

“Orders?” Now that he knows no one is severely injured, he needs to know the team’s next moves. He is second in command, after all.

“Simon?” Again, you try to push yourself up, but the pressure he applies becomes firmer, his fingers curling into your jacket.

“Stay.” He demands, his voice dark and stern. If you were anyone else, you’d think it was a warning.

“We’ll have to trek around, but…” Trailing off for a moment, the captain finishes with, “It’ll add a day to our hike.”

A moment of silence passes, and Simon leans away from the cliff, settling beside you. Finally, he lets you up, turning his head as he watches you gather your bearings beside him.

“Hike on,” Price decides. “Secure the safe house, we’ll be a day behind. This path is lost.”

“No reconvene?” Ghost clarifies, wondering if the team should get their heads on straight after being separated like this. And upon this suggestion, Price grows silent in thought.

“Setting up camp would be smart. Give us a rest, some time to calm down and gather ourselves.” He finally agrees, then declaring, “We’ll stay for the night; right thinking, Ghost. We’re to be up and moving no later than dawn, am I clear?”

“Clear. I’ll expect your comms in twenty-four.”

“Affirmative. Bravo Six, out.”

With that, Simon stands, your eyes trailing up his large figure while he adjusts his gear. Labored breaths continue to form within your lungs, now stung from the harsh winter air.

“What’s going on?”

“We’re heading off on our own.” Your partner confirms, brushing the snow from his pants.

“How are they? Is anyone hurt?” The comms transferred to his earpiece, you were only able to hear his responses.

“Nothing severe, they’re choosing a different path. It’ll add a day, but Price wants us to continue on.” Tilting your head, your curious expression prompts further information from him. “We’ll make camp for the night though, give us time to rest.”

“And then what?”

“We’ll locate and secure the safehouse, wait for them to arrive.” Leaning down, he holds a hand out, helping you up once you take it. “You alright?”

Now that you’re alone, he grabs your shoulders, rubbing them for both comfort and warmth. “You’re shivering.”

“Just cold.” Shrugging, you brush it off as just that, feeling chilly. Though, it’s partially due to shock, and Simon knows it. It’s been more than five years since you were last in the field; maybe you weren’t fully ready for this.

“You’re alright, love.” Guiding you to his chest, he sighs, holding the back of your head. “No one’s hurt.”

All you do is nod against him, pulling up your big girl pants and shoving aside your emotions. He’s right, everything’s fine, just a small bump in the road.

“We should make camp.” He suggests, the surrounding scenery darkening as he speaks.

Your current location is far enough away to make a small fire and not draw any attention from the targeted enemy. So naturally, it’s the first thing Simon does, right after finding a small patch of brush for you to set the tent. It’s a small thing, just barely big enough to fit one man. But neither of you mind squeezing inside together. You don’t have sleeping bags, but what you do have are Mylar thermal blankets. Which will have to do, and are actually useful in these situations.

“Bones.” Ghost quietly calls, and when you look over your shoulder, you find him huddled near the fire. He then jerks his head to the side, beckoning for you. “Cm’over here.”

While rubbing your hands together, you make your way over to him, sitting down by the little fire he’s built. It’s enough to bring you warmth, though, the pulsing embers doing wonders for your frozen appendages.

“Any better?”

“A little better.” With your hands outstretched toward the flames, you nod, eyes trained on the wispy bits of fire floating through the wind.

Upon your response, he scooches closer, positioning himself behind you. Here, he spreads his legs, laying them on either side of your own and pulling you in between them, right up against his chest. You smile as he drags you back, allowing him to hold you between his legs. His cold, covered chin then finds your shoulder, both arms wrapping around your midsection.

Rumbling to you quietly, he asks again, “Any better?”

The smile on your face burns brighter than the fire. “A lot better.”

Shifting slightly, you relax into his body, basking in the fact that you can so openly cuddle up together. And when he feels your entire weight fall into him, he hums, kissing your shoulder through the mask. He’s become such an affectionate man around you.

Inside, your heart beats for him. Thinking back to the scenario on the cliff, you replay Simon’s protective acts in your head. His verbal directions, both before and during the event, his physical motions of pulling you up to safety and then keeping a hand on your back.

“Si?”

“Hm?” He returns, mouth full of a protein bar. While you ponder your question, he hands you one, too.

“Why did you hold me down? By my back?”

He chews his food much slower now, thinking. Never before has he thought through his responses so thoroughly before meeting you. He doesn’t want to say the wrong thing; he’s quite frightened of it, actually.

“Didn’t know if anyone was hurt.” He eventually returns, and you’re confused until he finishes his statement. “Didn’t want you seeing something like that.”

And while you appreciate the meaning behind his actions, it prompts a certain fear within you. He can’t continue to fight your battles for you, not when you’re out in the field. He has to be himself, not a modified version just because you’re here. He can’t be Simon, he has to be Ghost. And still, you can’t help but feel grateful for him, all of him.

“Thank you.”

The day was cold but the night was frigid, your thermal blankets doing little to shield you from the frozen hell you were in. What helped build heat beneath the metallic blankets, though, were your bodies. It was Simon who suggested it, and you didn’t think twice once he did. There was nothing sexual behind it, only concern and genuine care.

As soon as you were at his side, huddled within the tent, his arms snaked tightly around your stomach. Naked beneath the crinkly cover, Simon hugged you to his body, not only for heat but for comfort. His masked face easily found its way to your neck, body curling around yours like a protective outer shell. And in this way, he warmed you, inside and out.

Feeling Simon’s naked body served to bring you a sense of relaxation you didn’t think you’d find on this mission. Being able to sleep beside him was also an incredibly relieving act you didn't think you’d get to experience while deployed. Now that it’s just the two of you, you’re free to bask in each other’s company, reveling in the sweet way your souls connect. It’s not just about physical attraction for you two, not anymore. What you have is chemical. You’ve become each other’s best friend - companions; it’s just natural for you to be together. Even like this, pressed against each other in complete nakedness without an ounce of sexual intention in the air, it wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward, not for either of you. Those bulky forearms nestled right beneath your breasts, feeling the smooth curves lay against him. And his flaccid length pressed against your backside, his strong hold keeping you nice and close throughout the night. Neither of you cared. There wasn’t room for insecurity between the two of you, not after all you’ve been through.

“You’re my girl.” Simon whispered to you, mask lifted just enough for him to kiss your ear.

His eyes were closed as he spoke, body tired and sore and lulling him to sleep. But not before murmuring, “You’re mine; mine to keep.”

But that was last night. This morning isn’t so sweet.

While Simon continued to display his ever-growing and extremely doting personality, the weather was still acting like a petty bitch. Wild winds surged through your small camp when you awoke, gathering your things once dawn hit the sky. Simon stamped out the fire, you packed up the tent, and off you went.

“How much farther is it again?”

“About twelve kilometers.”

The dramatic groan you exude makes his lips curl beneath the mask, eyes turning to witness your adorably irritated face.

“C’mon,” He teases, that smirk revealed through his tone. “You can make it.”

“Can I borrow your mask?” You then ask, a grin curling on your lips.

Rolling his eyes, they land on you, an unamused expression swirling within them.

“Look, you’re being stingy with it.” Continuing with your charade, you then add, “It’s freezing out here. My cheeks are getting all chapped.”

At this, he huffs out a single laugh. “Looks pretty damn cute to me.”

It’s interesting, you think. All of this started with you making fun of his mask, and now, you adore it. You adore him.

Both of you are thankful for the common knowledge of swift and silent movement as you trek on through the harsh, mountainous terrain. The quicker you get there, the quicker you’re able to rest. Price mentioned that the cabin even had heat and running water, a true reprieve for you all. At least, for the time being. Besides, you can’t get too carried away just yet. You still have to secure the area before enjoying it.

“Looks to be a bit easier from here.” Ghost announces, coming to stand on top of a ridge you haven’t yet arrived at. But when you do, you’re met with flat, snowy terrain.

“Thank god.”

“C’mon, hasn’t been that hard.”

And he’s right. Aside from that icy cliff incident, this hike has been a piece of cake. Nothing to complain about on your end, really; messing with Simon was just fun sometimes. He always fell for your antics, too. Something about you acting weak and frail just made him want to care for you. And that’s something you’d never protest.

Walking with you was nice and easy; you understood him and his preference for silence. It’s a trait you both shared. Why speak if there’s nothing to be said?

“Have we got a plan?” Simon then says, deciding this is something that should definitely be said.

“About?”

“The safe house, how we’re going to secure it.”

“Well, I don’t really have any experience in searching for and disarming traps. I think that’s on you, buddy.”

“Yeah?” Buddy, it makes him chuckle. “And what will you do?”

“Cover your six?” It’s a suggestion; you can still be helpful. “I can scope out the treeline, make sure Price was right about enemies not crossing over the lines.”

“Sounds like a plan, love.”

And what a good plan it was. The two of you worked like a well-oiled machine as soon as you arrived at the safe house, finally reaching your destination in the early evening. Either you just work well together, or you were simply eager for some rest. Likely both.

“Scanning.” Keeping your eye on the surrounding treeline, you speak into your comms, listening to Ghost rustle through the brush not too far off in the distance. “Movement.”

“Friendlies?” Ghost immediately returns, fidgeting with something on his head. You can hear it through your small speaker, assuming he’s handling a trip-wire.

Upon further inspection, you release the tight breath you’d been holding. “Deer.”

“Copy.” He returns, going about his given task.

Knowing you have his back makes his job that much easier. And if he’s being completely honest, seeing you with a gun in your hand, your expert eye skimming the treeline, it was attractive. Turned him on, actually, as much as he needed to focus he just couldn’t help it. He admires your work ethic. Even when he had watched your body climb up the sheets of ice, he admired it, eyeing the way your muscles twisted and flexed beneath the canvas of your pants, the way he could see right up between your legs. It’s a wonder he didn’t get even a semi while climbing. But he’s thankful you hadn’t distracted him to that extent.

“Clear.” Simon grumbles into the comms, “Moving south.”

Shifting in the trees, you stay adjacent to him, watching his figure from behind. You’re ready to face any possible enemies, but are thrilled to find this portion of the job has been just as easy as the rest.

“Clear.” He then repeats, finalizing his task. “Moving in.”

Desperately, he wants to relax, find his way inside and just be for a moment. Price said there’d be heat and running water, and Christ, is he looking forward to that.

“Bones?”

“Copy.”

“You following?”

“Coming in.” You confirm, walking up from behind, your position still crouched and eyes zeroed in on the treeline.

Walking into the clearing toward the small home, you almost feel naked, exposed. Every step you make is in Ghost’s footprint, following his every movement to avoid the traps. And once Ghost is on the wooden steps at the front, you glance over your shoulder, taking one last look at the perimeter.

“C’mon,” Simon almost coos, fatigue seeping into his voice. “We’re clear, love.”

Typing in the code Price had given him, Simon unlocks the door and with a harsh nudge, makes his way in. The house is made up of one central room, a side bedroom, bathroom, and small kitchen space. In the living area is a single couch, and further in the bedroom you see a mattress. Hopefully something to help Simon’s back.

“Might hear a bit of noise,” Simon says, walking off toward the kitchen. “I’m kicking on the furnace.”

“That is fine by me.” Breathing out a sigh of relief, you let your body fall onto the couch, dropping your pack to the floor. “I could use some warmth.”

An abrupt thud rattles the baseboards as the rusty furnace burns to life, a small whoosh of dust fluttering from the vents. The soot briefly filling the air disturbs your lungs, a small bout of coughs overcoming you. But for Simon, it does nothing, his mask guarding him from any of the pollen-like pollution.

Casually, he strides your way, plopping down beside you on the couch. He sits alongside a long and raspy sigh, his body right against yours as he wraps his arms around you. Apparently, one of his favorite things to do.

“C’mere,” He says quietly, pulling you to lean back against his chest. And he enjoys it when you snuggle into him, resting against his firmness.

Placing his fingers beneath your chin, he lifts your head, and when you turn to meet him you discover his bare lips. They’re dry and chapped, both of your mouths as they press together, but neither of you really care. You’re yearning for each other, and very suddenly aware that you have an entire cabin to yourselves. And as Simon holds your face with his gloved hand, his kisses become sweet, sensual slides and meetings that make your heart beat.

“How are you?” He asks in that deep, rumbly tone, still full of genuine care.

“Tired,” You breathe out with a short laugh. “Sore.”

“Mm,” Your love nods, gifting you with another small kiss. It’s short and sweet, the gentle stamp of his lips. “Why don’t you have a shower with me?” He’d eyed the bed in the backroom, too, thinking about how wonderful it might feel to lay down in it after washing yourselves clean. But in this moment, that’s not at all what you’re thinking about.

Is he going to let me see his face?

You’re shocked he even asked, you never thought you’d get an opportunity like this with him. And so, with your eyes flickering up to meet his, you nod. “Okay.”

“Won’t be too luxurious,” His voice rumbles across your skin, dark eyes staring down at your charming little face. “Grimy shower, no soap. Just enough water to wash the sweat off our skin.”

Sleepily, you smile. “That’s good enough for me.”

The strength he continues to use even beneath the weight of fatigue is astounding. You’re not quite sure how he has it in him, but he holds you up from behind, cradling your body in his arms. And it’s not like you weigh much, but it still impresses you. There’s not much Simon does that hasn’t impressed you.

Warmly, the water cascades down your body, droplets rolling over the hills and valleys of your skin. And it’s so pleasurable that you moan, eyes closing as your head tilts back to rest against him. Briefly, it frightens him, his eyes dipping down to your relaxed face. He’s reassured by the small flutter of your lashes, a display of respect for him. Before getting in, Simon told you not to look at his face. And while it made your heart sink, you really should’ve known better than to expect that from him.

On his end, this is just as nice, if not even more. With his mask off, he uses one hand to run down his face, then ruffling it through his short hair.

“Simon?” You ask, feeling him reach up, brushing water through his locks.

“Mm?”

Still temporarily blind, you ask him, “What color is your hair?”

That deep laugh bounces off the tile walls, and it makes you smile, heart beating with a certain affection you’re not yet ready to admit to him.

“What color do you think it is?”

“Well, your stubble is blonde, and your happy trail…” Grinning, you reach behind you, fingers petting at the damp patch of hairs leading down to his groin.

“Blonde.” Simon repeats, both hands returning to your hips.

Leaning down, his head tilts, lips brushing your cheek as he says, “That’s what I am.”

For a moment, when you feel his hands roam, you assume it to be sexual. But it isn’t, not at first anyways. While you bask in this new knowledge, Simon washes your body, hands running over your shoulders and arms, your stomach, your hips and thighs.

“You’re tense.” That grumbling voice says, rubbing your shoulders. “Give you a proper rub when I bring you back to base.” And the way he says it makes you swoon, something about his wording making you feel cared for, protected.

“You’d do that for me?”

For a flash, you consider the danger of your situation. You’re both living in a fantasy right now, showering together for the first time, enjoying each other’s company while you’re supposed to be guarding the safe house. But apparently, Simon’s quite sure of the absence of any danger.

Shifting slightly, your Ghost’s broad palms rise to cup your tits, groaning softly into your ear as his head dips down to your neck. Here, his lips work over you, kissing you sensually beneath the warm spray.

“‘Course I would.”

When you sigh, your head falls back a bit further, truly exposing your neck. And this gives him the perfect opportunity for his dominant hand to lift a little higher, fingers encircling your neck. A spike of adrenaline hits your blood, your pulse jumping when it happens. You keep your eyes from flashing open, instead flashing him your grin.

“I want you, sweetheart.” Simon openly admits, his firmly toned body pressing against your back. “While there’s no one around… no one here but you and me…”

“Baby,” Reaching back, you use one arm to wrap around his neck, fingers combing up through his hair. It sends a tingle down your entire spine, feeling his full head of hair for the first time. “I want you.”

“Just us, alone…” He’s trailing off, voice murmuring beneath the shower’s loud stream. “Pull as many pretty sounds from you as I like.”

Chuckling, you return with, “How are you not exhausted?”

“I’m never too tired for you.” He easily responds, “Cheesy, but it’s true. I want every second I can get with you.”

It’s really strange to you, seeing your relationship now versus the start of it. At the beginning, Simon was cold, completely cut off from any outside communication, and that’s how he liked it. He didn’t have anyone close to him, and so, he didn’t have anyone to lose. A man free of commitment, free of any domestic responsibility; tied to his military base, and nothing more. But then you showed up, and made him feel things he never wanted to experience. It was something he blocked out, but his defenses weren’t strong enough to daunt you. And now, instead of avoiding your affections, he returned them tenfold every time he could.

Another pull in your chest, muscles tightening, stomach fluttering. You want to tell him, be open and honest just as he’s pushed himself to be with you. But you don’t know if this is the right time, you don’t know if there will ever be a ‘right time’ with him.

But before you can fully process that, Simon finishes washing your body and his, wiping away the sweat and grime of the past couple days. He even snakes a hand down between your legs, bringing water to rinse you while pressing his lips to your ear.

“Turn it off.” Gentle breath brushes over your skin, both broad palms on your hips as you bend over to do it. “Stay here.”

There aren’t any towels in the cabin, there isn’t much of anything, really. But he moves out into the living room to grab a random blanket from the couch, returning to wrap you in it.

“All we have.”

“That’s okay.” Your smile is sweet as you stare up at him, now with his mask on again. He’d dried himself briefly before coming back to you, and now, he guides you to the bedroom.

“C’mere,” Turning you around to face him, Simon sighs, lifting his mask. “Give me those lips.”

Easily, he pushes forward, guiding you down to the bed as he distracts you with his mouth. The blanket lays open around you as it happens, revealing your naked body to him once again. And on either side of your head, those strong forearms hold your soldier up, his mouth delicate as he begins to consume you.

One large hand finds its way to your thigh, parting your legs. With gentle eagerness, he settles between them, lowering himself to kiss your neck.

“So beautiful,” He murmurs, eyes closed as he shakes his head. “Even through all this, through the hike and weather.”

“Shut up.” You return, laughing playfully at his words.

“I mean it.” Simon instantly responds, voice gruff as he speaks to you in that lowered tone. “You’re the only woman to ever do this to me.”

Your loving lieutenant speaks with a sense of urgency, voice breathy and raspy and full of the deep accent you adore so completely. Truthfully, it’s the most emotional confession he’s ever given, and it stuns you to your core. In your eyes, he might as well have told you he loves you. It’s likely the closest you’ll ever get to it.

“Simon…” Reaching up, your hands cup his cheeks, wishing now more than ever to see more.

“You mean something to me…” He admits, slowly moving down your body.

As he creeps down your frame, your hands pull away from his face, feeling his own explore you in the most intimate way. Both of them secure to your hips, giving them a gentle squeeze before his lips find them. He’s soft with it, mouthing at the delicate bends of your body.

“A perfect treat,” Ghost grins, lips curling over your skin. “All for me.”

That devilish smirk only grows wider when you spread your legs for him, watching with bated breath. Simon always made this such an event, laying you out on any surface or bed and making you wait for his every move.

“Just look at that,” Your sharp inhale makes him hum in admiration, using his thickest digit to thumb at your glistening lips. “Those creamy juices just leaking out of your cunt…”

“Simooonnn,” Thrusting your hips up, you huff dramatically, tossing your head back onto the bed. “Please.”

Usually, he’d laugh, but he doesn’t want to drag it out this time. He wants to indulge in you while he can, before anyone else shows up. And so, he fully parts your lips, tongue laying out to swipe through them. His breaths waft heavily across your center, smooth lips engulfing your sex. He sucks on you, already slurping up the combination of your slick and his spit. Steadily, he strokes you with his tongue, digging it deep inside your warmth. But then he’s pulling himself back, using both hands to spread your legs, pulling apart your sticky lips.

“Christ, I love this.” His voice is thick, eyes unwavering from the space between your thighs. Licking through these delicate petals… right down into that hole.”

Lifting himself ever so slightly, he laps at your clit, tongue circling the hood as he toys with it. The way your hips quiver gifts him with encouragement, with confidence. He knows your body, and he’s going to use that knowledge against you.

“Come on, babe. Make those beautiful noises for me.” Reaching forward, he grabs onto the meat of your ass, squeezing it in hand. “There’s no one here to listen but me, just me…”

“Ngh,” Arching your back, you cry out for him, both from the force of his hand and the way his tongue flicks against the peak of your sex. “Fuck.”

“Come on.” His breathy encouragements continue to flow, his lips soft and wet as he licks through you. “Moan for me.”

“B-Baby, yes…”

He’s sucking on you, lips smacking against the wetness of your cunt as he basks in its taste. The more you writhe beneath his face, the firmer his grip on you becomes, until you’re unable to move yourself at all. Your hips still, crushed comfortably beneath his weight as both of those veiny forearms settle overtop them.

“Yes.” Reaching out, you wish so desperately to be met with the wonderful sensation of his golden hair. But alas, it’s that goddamn mask. Fingers curling tightly into the fabric, you cling to him, chest puffing out sultry gasps into the dusty cabin air. “I, I ca…”

“More.”

“Simon,”

While mumbling against your skin, Simon’s deep, dark eyes flutter up to your gorgeous face. His hands dig into your hips, fingers pressing into the muscles that make you so delicious. Every time you’re near, whether it’s sexual or otherwise, he adores the way you say his name. The way you call for him, reaching out for protection, for friendship, for love. You reach out to him for love, he knows it.

Massaging you with his hands, Simon’s grunts vibrate through your legs and hips, his mouth insistent. And when you meet his eyes, meet that possessive, predatory gaze, you’re done for. The entire sensation of it rushes through your body, opening up and completely letting go. Your back arches, jaw dropping as you listen to him mouth at your quivering cunt like it’s a feast. Heavy grunts and humid breaths, the wet sound of your juices mixing with his spit. Your hips shake from it, lungs constricting from the euphoria tightening your veins.

“Si-imon!” Eyes pinching shut, you revel in it, hands pressing to the back of his head as you reach out for more of his touch. But it’s as if you can’t bring him any closer than he already is.

He lets you hold him, lets your body roll through the motions. But it takes everything in him not to immediately crawl over your body and capture your lips. So, he continues to lick you, letting himself get lost in the taste of it, the smell of it. Shoving his tongue inside, he can feel your hole quiver around him, can feel the way his taste buds react to your cum.

“Baby, baby.” Simon’s tongue swirls around your clit, menacing orbs trained directly on you once again. “Baby…”

And all at once, he’s on you again, lifting himself from between your legs and reaching out to wrench your jaw open.

“Give me those fucking lips.”

Crashing his mouth to your own comes alongside his heated moan, the sound of wet gasps and hot breaths instantly filling the air. He’s pressing himself into you, crushing you comfortably beneath his weight. And the hand he has on your cheek only further secures its grip, keeping your mouth open for him.

“You want me?” He always loved to hear you say it.

“Yes, yes baby, please.” When he pulls away enough to speak, your hands shoot up to his cheeks. “Simon, please.” But then you see him pause, the glimmer of a smirk pulling on his lips. Those deep, mocha orbs stare down at you as he waits. He wants to hear you say it, and you know it.

“I want you.”

If it were any other situation, Simon might’ve held back, might’ve made you repeat a few more words just to really get himself going. But he’s already throbbing against your leg, precum leaking onto your skin since the moment he laid you on the bed. The rest of them could be here any moment, likely in the morning but you never know with Price. He has to take advantage of this while he can.

Leaning on that decorated forearm, Simon’s free hand lowers to his shaft, gripping the base. With his eyes dipping down, he takes a beat to lick his lips and catch his breath. He’s hot, swollen, his pleasure pulsing as it slides across your outer lips. And you pull him in while he does it, mouthing at his neck and trying your damnedest to keep his skin free of any visible sin.

“Such a perfect pussy…” He whispers, sliding his entire length in.

It stretches you, prompting your legs to widen as you take him. The sight of this makes the corner of his lips quirk, a devilish glint in his eye twinkling from your submissiveness.

“That’s it,” A rough sigh is punched from his chest when he’s fully seated, when the firm drag of his cock slows to a dull throb between your legs.

Through the carnal desire clawing through his chest, he pauses, heart beating fondly from the way you nuzzle against his skin. It’s intimate, it isn’t just lust. And as soon as he comes down a bit from that blind passion and excitement, his arms encase your head, cradling you in them.

“Sweetheart,” Brushing the tip of his nose across your own, he draws your attention. Your soft breaths make you seem so small, and in contrast, him so large. You put so much trust into his hands.

Dipping down, Simon kisses you, distracting you with the sweet press of his lips while retracting his hips. Driving his pelvis forward again, he listens to your shrill gasp as it escapes your throat, fingernails already digging into his skin. Repeatedly, he seeks your warmth, pleasure flowing through his system as you give him this tempting sin. That’s really what it is to him; love is a sin.

But he takes every bit of it like a man that’s been promised to hell.

Steady and continuous is the pace of his hips, pelvis slapping between your open thighs. Repeatedly, he breaches your entrance with a girth you’ve desperately missed, his entire body pressing into you. And now that he’s inside, that free hand lifts, eyes watching your bouncing chest before grabbing at it. He paws at your seductive curves like it’s the first time he’s ever touched them, mouth finding the slope of your shoulder and neck as he kisses your skin with wet, parted lips.

“This is just what I need,” Simon groans, growls. “You’re just what I want. You know that, don’t you?”

The moans you once kept silent now burst from your lips, grinding your hips up in time with his thrusts as best you can. Grasping for his shoulders, you feel yourself go weak, the fat head of his cock hitting you deep.

“You know that, right?” He repeats, fondling your chest with firm grabs. But when you still don’t answer, he grunts out his disapproval, head lifting to dig his covered nose into your cheek. And you know better than to not answer him.

“Yes, Simon…” It comes out as a sigh, eyes fluttering open to see those deep, endlessly brown eyes.

And it makes him grin, chuckling breathily. You’re drunk on him.

“Good.” He mumbles against your lips, the hand on your chest now sliding down your side. It follows the dip of your waist and hips, smoothing over the side of your ass until he reaches your thigh. And then he’s grabbing you, hauling your leg further up on his waist, and in turn giving him access for a harsh smack.

“Pretty girl… you’re mine.”

“Simon.”

“Look at me.” Grabbing your jaw, he turns your head in his direction. And the force of it snaps your eyes open, staring up at your enormous soldier. “Look at me when you say my name.”

“Simon…”

Emotion swirls inside your chest until you feel like it’s about to burst, dire need and complete infatuation taking over your body. He’s all consuming, something you can't and wouldn’t ever want to run away from. It’s clawing at you from the inside out, your care for him, your genuine adoration. And you don’t want to say it because you’re sure he won’t react too nicely, he won’t accept it, but you can’t help it. You really can’t, and all at once, you’re saying it.

“Simon, Si, I love,”

Briefly, he stutters, both his hips and lungs. But he keeps going, he’s sure that’s not what you’re saying. It’s not what you should be saying.

“I love you, Si.”

The embrace you hold with him couldn’t be more intense, your chests pressed together as your arms loop tightly around his neck. Something inside him feels like it’s breaking, cold heart cracking with something akin to warmth. If he had the chance, he would’ve begged you not to say it. You don’t need to fall for him like that, not in this way, not in this lifetime. It hasn’t been kind to him, and he, in turn, hasn’t been a kind man. Any semblance of good intention left in his body has been given to you and… he figures that’s it, isn’t it? Is that what love is? Giving someone everything you have? Every piece of good you’ve been made with?

“Bones,” Simon eventually returns, hips slowing until he stills. Resting in this lull with you, he can practically feel your anxiety, your vulnerability. You’ve given him everything you have, too. “I… do.”

“You don’t have to say it.” Comes your instant, tiny squeak.

Out of either vulnerability or insecurity, his head finds your neck, stuffing its way into concealment. “I do.” He says again, squeezing you with his entire body. “I do.”

With a firm sigh, he decides to give this to you; you deserve this - he’s going to give this to you.

“I love you… too.”

“Baby, you really don’t have to say it.” You can practically feel the uncertainty seeping through his skin as he clings to you, seeking security. Stroking the back of his head, you hold him, wrapping your legs around his waist, too.

“I do.” He continues to repeat, now nodding. “I love you.”

“Are you joking me?” Soap practically scoffs, a look of disgust crawling across his face.

“Sorry?” Ghost returns, generally unphased as he inhales another drag of his cig.

“Could you be more obvious?”

At this, Simon’s face turns stern, snuffing out the joint on the couch’s arm before dropping his hand to your leg. A simple gesture of yes, yes I can.

You’d woken up in Simon’s arms, limbs tangled together beneath a worn and tattered scrap of fabric one might call a blanket. Counting yourselves lucky, you opened your eyes to an empty cabin once again. The team hadn’t arrived just yet.

It took some convincing, but you finally got Simon out of bed and dressed. You didn’t want to draw any suspicion should they walk in on you like this. And so, you settled together on the couch. While you laid down, snuggling your feet onto his lap, Simon pulled out another cigarette. It was relaxing, not only being alone but sharing this habit.

The morning was cold but comfortable enough for you to fall back asleep, body resting easily on his sturdy lap. It humored him, seeing just how tired this mission has made you; and you’re only halfway through. But while you were fine spending your time getting some shut eye, Simon was having difficulty fighting his natural instincts. Now that you’ve said it, admitted it, he’s worried. The place you’re in is dangerous and admitting something so precious makes the situation that much more stressful. It also makes him that much more protective.

And so, while you laid resting against him, Simon pulled out his pistol, resting it against his knee with the barrel pointed towards the front door. If anyone were to come in here, they’d have to go through him first.

Lucky for him, though, it turned out to be the boys.

“Lieutenant.” Price nodded, watching Ghost return the gesture.

Lowering the gun, Simon watched as Price and Gaz made their way into the bedroom to set their things down, leaving Soap with the two of you. And that’s when he voiced his concerns, that deep Scottish scoff making itself known.

“Real discrete.” He comments before hearing the captain shout from the room.

“Bit messy in here.” Price remarks, “Messier than I’d last left it. You two do some good sleeping in here?”

“Nah,” Ghost returns with a grin only Johnny can see. “Slept out here, Cap.”

When you hear Simon’s booming voice, you finally wake again, meeting the azure eyes of your friendly sergeant. “Hey, Soap.”

And he can’t bring himself to be any bit annoyed with you. “Hey, gorgeous.”

It’s meant as a friendly compliment, of course, but Ghost squeezes your calf, nonetheless.

“Alright,” Price booms, stomping into the room. “Let’s circle up. We’ve got plans to discuss.”

Already, he hates this. The entire atmosphere has shifted from light and lazy to dark and perilous. Simon can feel his heart rate increasing, his breaths deep and dragging. The mere thought of you in the field makes him want to jump up and wrap you in his arms, drag you away and hide you somewhere safe. What he hates even more than the possibility of that happening is the fact that he allowed it, he’s allowed this to happen. It wasn’t exactly his call to make, but he would’ve made it, and he didn't.

He’s made his bed, and this time, he’s got to lay in it.

So, without much choice, he watches his men regroup in front of him, with his partner sitting up to join in. Price tosses out the maps, Gaz whips out the compass, and Johnny’s already pulling out snacks. Pulling down his mask, Simon releases a harsh sigh, nothing that really draws anyone’s attention, though. He’s pretty much always cranky, and with you here, that trait has grown tenfold.

When Simon reaches for your hand on the couch, your eyes widen. What the hell is he doing? But before you can react, and before anyone else has a chance to see, Johnny tosses a protein bar at the lieutenant.

“Johnny, what the fuck?”

“Don’t be dumb.” Johnny scolds outwardly, scowling at his closest friend.

Price can feel something lingering in the air, an awkward silence, a secret. But he pushes it away. Glancing between his teammates, he clasps his hands together.

“Alright, let’s get to it, then.”

Here we go.

#oooohhhh baby #I love you #I do #Simon Riley #Simon Ghost Riley #Ghost cod #Simon Riley x you #Simon Riley x reader #Simon Riley x female reader #Simon Riley smut #Simon Riley fluff #cod fanfiction #call of duty fanfiction #call of duty #cod mw2

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sister-juniper · 1 year ago

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Reciprocated Feelings (Terzo x GN Reader)

⋆˙⟡ Fluff with some sexual references ✮⋆˙

Summary: You and Terzo are friends with benefits, but you had developed romantic feelings. Unbeknownst to you, Terzo feels the same.

☆ Word Count: 1446 ☆

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You and Papa Terzo had been fooling around for quite some time, a few months to be exact.

It all began during one of his sermons, you were sitting in the front row, right in Terzo's line of sight. He noticed you gazing lustfully at him. You see, Terzo had a knack for being able to read people, especially through their eyes. He could tell the intention behind that look you gave him by simply studying your eyes for a few seconds.

In return, he shot you the same stare, which caught you off guard. The entire rest of that sermon was spent with you getting more and more desperate, while you and Terzo practically eye-fucked each other.

An hour after all of that began, the sermon ended, and the entirety of the congregation filed out of the main hall and into the dining hall. You however, chose to stick around a few extra minutes. This proved to be a great decision, as Terzo did the exact same. As soon as the two of you were given some space, he was able to whisk you away to the privacy of his quarters. That was the first time of many when you two did anything.

From the start, your relationship had been strictly sexual and platonic. No romance or exclusivity involved. One would message the other when in need of some sexual favors, and the other would show up at the other's room a few minutes later. You two would do it, and then part ways once again.

Of course, Terzo had others, he was Papa Emeritus of course. You were not the only one he lusted after, and you knew this. You played along with his act, you acted okay with it, and you hid how you felt internally. You would rather have him like this than not have him at all.

You tried to give the impression to him that you had others as well. You didn't want to look too "needy". In reality, nobody else really interested you in that manner like Terzo did. The only person who you wanted to touch you was him. You didn't care to invite any other siblings or ghouls into your bed. Your body would only enjoy the touch of Terzo.

He knew how to please you, he could play your body like a game of chess, but most importantly, he was the one you fancied. He was your type.

Each time the two of you finished doing it, after you parted ways, you wondered what it would be like if he stayed just a bit longer. If he stayed to coax you to sleep, run his fingers through your hair, and whisper sweet nothings into your ear. You began to crave that, but still, that never happened.

At first, you brushed your feelings to the side. You ignored your heart gnawing at you. After all, there wasn't much you could do or say. You felt like Terzo was the one calling the shots, and you were just another sibling of sin.

But after a few months of this, it was getting too intense. Every single time the two of you did things, you held back so hard from letting an "I love you" slip out of your mouth. Every single time, you could barely save yourself from asking "could you stay a little while longer?" as Terzo was putting his shoes on to leave.

You began to realize what you felt would eventually slip out. It got harder and harder to hide it each time. It was only a matter of time before the confession left your lips.

You decided to put together a plan, a plan to ask him out on a date. You decided you would rather risk losing the sexual encounters, instead of just continuing on like this. You couldn't do it anymore.

Your plan was fairly simple, but also quite cute. You would go to a flower shop, buy a bouquet of purple lilac flowers, and show up at his office to ask. You knew Terzo would love those flowers, as he usually kept a vase of them on his desk. You were only about 50% sure of this actually working in your favor, but you chose to go along with it anyways.

The next morning, you went to your usual services, did your daily chores, and then when you finally had a few hours of free time, you took the bus down to the flower shop.

Something that you thought was odd however, was Terzo's absence during the daily sermon. Instead, it was his younger brother, Cardinal Copia, who took over. It made you a bit anxious, but you chose to shrug it off as him just being busy with something.

You bought the flowers, and got back on the bus with a sense of hopefulness. Maybe this would work out, you prayed to Satan that it would. Still, you had to be realistic, and were also mentally preparing yourself for the worst to happen.

You arrived back at the Ministry, and rushed upstairs to your room to do a few things first. You had to be quick, as dinner time is soon, and Terzo would not be in his office during that time. You made it to your room, applied a bit of makeup, sprayed on some of your best perfume, fixed your habit a little bit, and then you were ready to go.

You took a deep breath, clutched the flowers in your hands, and started walking down the corridor to Terzo's office. Quickly, of course.

You had turned the final corner to his office, when you suddenly collided with something. You panicked and reached down to pick up the flowers, before looking up and realizing who you just bumped into. It was Terzo.

He too was picking up a bouquet of flowers off of the floor, black dahlias, and looked a little flustered.

"O-oh hi Terzo. Im so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going"

You stared at him, wide-eyed, feeling the blush began to creep onto your cheeks. This is not how you wanted this to go, and why did he have flowers too?

"Ah tesoro, it is okay. Where are you off to in such a hurry?" Terzo said, seemingly equally as flustered.

"Oh uh..." you searched your brain for some sort of excuse, any kind of excuse, but you couldn't think of any. What other excuse would there be to you rushing in the direction of his office holding his favorite flowers? "I was coming to see you."

You bit the inside of your cheek as you waited for him to respond. He looked at you, then the flowers, then back at you again.

"Coming to see me? With that beautiful bouquet?"

You nodded and looked away with embarrassment.

"Well uh, actually tesoro, I was headed to do the same."

You looked back up at him and studied his face. He had a small smile, and you could see a little blush under his paints, and wait a minute... he was holding black dahlias. Your favorite flowers.

"W-wait... you were coming to give me those?" You questioned as you pointed to the bouquet.

He nodded "Sí, and you were coming to give me those?" he questioned while pointing to the flowers you held.

You nodded. "I actually got these for a reason you know..." you said as you trailed off

"What reason is that, cara mia?"

"I wanted to ask you on a date."

Terzo smiled warmly and stepped a little closer. "I was coming to do the exact same thing."

You looked at him in bewilderment. "You were??"

"Sí, that is why I wasn't at the sermon this morning. I was out buying these" He said in reference to the flowers

You smiled a wide smile as he handed you the beautiful arrangement of flowers. You took it from him, and handed him the purple lilac's in return.

"How did you know black dahlia's are my favorite?"

"I took a guess, I saw them in your room. How did you know I like purple lilacs?"

"I also saw them in your room" You said with a giggle

"Ah well, we are both quite observant aren't we?"

You nodded with a smile and a small "mhm"

"Well... what do you say to that date tesoro? You free this Friday night?"

You perked up and nodded enthusiastically "Yes, I am free"

"Perfetta. I will pick you up from your room at 6 p.m."

"I will be ready"

Terzo smiles at you "I can't wait"

The two of you share a kiss and part ways. As soon as you get back to your room, you place the gorgeous bouquet in a vase full of water. Terzo does the same in his office. You can't believe that just happened, but you are overjoyed to say the least.

He feels the same as you do.

------------------------------------------

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kaija-rayne-author · 19 days ago

Text

Dragon Age Veilguard Review 4th in series

22 game hours 20 actual playtime

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard

Critical review and a rant

Obligatory disclaimer. If you've already read it you can skip to the cut.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Y'know? Every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you Bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

3.5 in series is here.

If I've ever played a glitchier piece of shit game in my life I honestly can't remember it.

So I went to go watch a movie with the partner and kids. I saved my game and turned it off.

Came back and it played okay for a few hours. I met both Mae and Dorian squeeeee!

Met Davrin and Assan. Everything's going fine. I got creamed (again), I swear the devs have no idea. I'm a consistent gamer who plays on hard/tactician mode in most games I play. (Many the same style of fighting as DAV.) And I'm having trouble with the strength of these monsters. WTF do they think someone just getting into gaming is experiencing?

Anyway. I got creamed, clicked reload last save, and it loaded with the now far too familiar no CC reverted back to the basic elf body error. I went back to the main menu, and now absolutely none of the saves are showing up with video. They load with sound, map in the corner, and tags above heads but no fucking video. They're either corrupted or the game is just a piece of shit.

Yes. I'm rather annoyed. I was looking forward to finishing recruiting Davrin tonight and it doesn't make my brain happy to have to stop in the middle of what I wanted to get done. In game or out.

I'm currently verifying my files from steam. We'll see if that fixes it. I just... and this is what the devs thought was releasable? REALLY?

I know I keep using BG3 as a comparison (which honestly isn't a very good one because one is turn based and one 'live' fighting). But the Venn diagram of people who play DA and who play BG is probably a circle so that's why it comes to mind.

It's also the most recent game I've actually purchased and played a lot.

I played that day of release and on into the week and had nowhere NEAR this many problems. I actually think I've had more trouble with DAV in three ish days than I've had in BG3 for over 700 hours FFS!

Anyway. Vent over (for now. I imagine this game will give me plenty of more opportunities).

Dorian looked really weird. He has what I'm now dubbing the 'Solas effect'. He doesn't look like himself. I wouldn't have recognized him at all if it weren't for him introducing himself.

Oh, and way to retcon the condition of the veil guys. For three games it's been getting more and more tears and holes in it. Now it's solid and the only thing holding off a world of blight that hadn’t ever really existed in the fade like that before? It was just the black city. Do these guys ever get sick of retconning shit? I sure get sick of playing retconned shit.

My partner saw the game and he really can't get over how jarring the art is. He's a pretty consistent gamer too but I doubt he'll play this one.

Y'know how I said I didn't know WTF the devs were thinking in my review of the game play trailer?

I'm even more flabbergasted now. I just... seriously?

The game doesn't work well. it has numerous glitches.

The art style sucks.

The bad dudes are WAY overpowered for even a pretty decent gamer. Not so experienced gamers are likely rage-quitting in droves. Every one of the glitches I look up is pretty common. Even for people with better machines than mine.

The story took bloody forever to get started. It finally seems to have but it shouldn't take me 20 hours of game time to get somewhat invested in the story!

The characters are honestly pretty meh so far. My much beloathed Lucanis is the only mildly interesting one so far.

I honestly just can't get over how they felt this was A. Good. and B. Ready for release.

I'll keep trying. But if it's corrupted my whole 20 hours I'm not sure if I've got the stomach to replay all that boring assed nonsense to get to where I only just got to today.

I HATE writing critical reviews as a matter of course. I especially don't want to write them about a piece of intellectual property like Dragon Age that I love so very much. But What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Part 5.1

#dragon age veilguard #veilguard #DAV #Veilguard Spoilers #Veilguard Critical #What the actual fuck did they think they were doing with this game?#Dragon Age

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koogl001 · 2 years ago

Note

Hello! Lately I've been obsessed with your hazbin Hotel/ Heluva Boss fanfics and i wanted to request Alastor, Vox, and Charlie, with a Blind Reader. —🍄

One-Shots and Headcanons Masterlist

Alastor

This man is extremely territorial, as is everyone with the title of an Overlord

He feels a strong urge to protect and almost baby you, as he sees your blindness as an excessive disadvantage when it comes to taking care of yourself (though he secretly loves how dependant on him it makes you)

Want to cook something? He’ll shoo you out of the kitchen, you could have burned yourself on the stove after all

Want to go outside? He’ll accompany you in case someone tries to pick a fight with you

Want to use the stairs for a change to get to your room? He’ll talk you into using the elevator, you could have slipped and fallen

He even furnished your room with high end brand furniture, specifically requesting that all the sharp edges be filed down so you wouldn’t hurt yourself when bumping into them

Loves to sneak up on you unaware, be it for observing you, giving you a good scare or suddenly “attacking” you with kisses

He is a very flashy character who likes to flaunt, but when it comes to showing you off in front of the other Overlords, his feelings are mixed

He’d oh so love to show the world that you are his and his alone

On the other hand, with your condition he would be subjecting you to danger, as he is hated by many who would do anything to get back at him

Settles for bringing you with him to the Overlord yearly get together to discuss turf matters and politics

Makes you sit on his lap, enveloping you in a firm hug to make sure everyone present understands who you belong to

Would conquer all of Hell’s rings for you

Vox

He is a very wicked man, enjoying the suffering of others

However, when it comes to you, he’d do anything to give you your eyesight back

And trust me, he will try

Assembles a team of all of Hell’s best doctors, forcing them to try to “cure” you (unfortunately, with no success, which results in their death)

Loves technology and, to be honest he is a bit geeky when it comes to games

Hates that you can’t play with him but settles for you sitting on his lap, quietly listening to the grunts coming from him when he loses

Keeps you far, FAR away from Valentino

Sure, the moth man is his friend but knowing his occupation and his record with women, Vox will keep you as far away from him as possible

If Valentino somehow gets a hold of you and tries to make a deal with you, Vox might actually kill him despite their friendship

Using his Electrokinetic powers to hijack the TV signal all across Hell, he’ll broadcast your relationship so that no one would dare lay a finger on you (and to show you off, of course)

Charlie

She takes pity on you instantly

That is why she offers you a job at the Hazbin Hotel, so she could keep you safe and sound within her little territory

Though she won’t let you work all that much

Thorough the next few days, she’ll walk with you thou the entire hotel slowly, so that you can piece together the layout in your head and move around on your own without too much trouble

Will try to do anything and everything she can for you, which might end up in you feeling as thought you’re a kid who isn’t trusted to do anything right

Voicing those concerns to her, she will listen and repent, reluctantly letting you to actually do your job

Will literally have sparkles in her eyes anytime she looks at you

Almost never leaves your side in case you need anything or if you just want some companionship

She is a great spirit lifter with her sunshine and rainbows personality so if you ever feel down, she will be more than happy to give you an hour-long lecture about every single thing she loves and adores about you

Will read her favourite books to you so you two can discuss them later

She does not show her powers often, but if Alastor tries to hurt you in any way, he might as well perish

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sodafrog13 · 7 months ago

Text

hotline 1 character gamer thoughts.. bc i've been thinking abt it a lot. under the cut for convenience :-)

jacket: fighting and racing games, also more "chill" stuff like stardew valley but that's just bc he likes running around and doing fuck all. if he and gf play together, she's managing the farm like she's running the navy and he's just off fishing or running around in circles while digging thru ppl's trash and maybe doing things on gf's behalf if she asks him to. he can fuck you up in most arcade games tho; he particularly loves those light gun ones and he's like scary good at claw machines (which is great bc he can win beard or gf prizes :V)

gf: she and jacket share a lot of the same tastes; esp when it comes to fighting/racing stuff. they're both pretty equally good at fighting stuff (jacket's a little better) but she's way better at racing stuff ironically enough, even tho she doesn't actually know how to drive. also enjoys boomer shooters (jacket likes them too but not rly to play; he enjoys watching her play them tho) and beat 'em ups. also a little more niche but i think she'd also like those types of games where you have to sort things; thinks they're satisfying and helps with her compulsive need to sort things irl

beard: i don't think he's much of a video game person but i think that guy would love any sort of table top game. like i'm convinced he would rlly fw m:tg and dnd, y'k? things that require a lot of thought and maybe theatrics (and also things jacket would very much Not be into but i think he'd go w beard to competitions as like. his moral support lol). video games wise tho, he'd probs like. idk, minesweeper or 2048 LOL something that's just kinda supposed to keep you preoccupied rather than entertained. but also maybe smth like inscryption and buckshot roulette; i think he'd like the style of those and the strategizing aspect (maybe not story so much)

biker: oh this guy would fuck so heavy w typing of the dead. that and shit like guitar hero; i know at heart this jackass has a little bit of nerd in xem no matter how much xe may try to deny it. xe's also into boomer shooters/beat 'em ups/shmups but also xe typically gets tired of them relatively quickly so xyr library is like filled w games of those types that all have like a max of 5 hours on them each; very much does not give a shit abt secrets or any sort of story aspect. can fuck you up in tetris tho, xe'd probs do that shit that doremy does where he places blocks on the beat of the music. also weirdly good at pinball but refuses to admit it

richter: this man has 1000+ hrs on tf2 and almost all of them are on sniper. he spends most of his time on never-ending ctf servers and has gotten accused of being a bot more times than he can count. the only thing that can prove he's not is the fuck all rare unusual he got by accident and australium stock sniper rifle. he does not speak in VC. he does not type in TC. he uses voice commands and taunts only. he can and will single handedly carry your team to victory. you should uber him, and i'm not joking about that at all. he is a man to be feared. he also helps his mom with the sudoku and crossword in the paper every morning.

richard: i think it'd like uhm. weird art games. or i guess, as jacob geller puts it, games that are not games. that and weird/horror/unsettling(?) (j)rpgs. LSD dream emulator, yume nikki, ib, witch's house, who's lila?, IMSCARED, and anything that's sort of... meant to be an experience rather than an actual game (drawing blanks rn but presentable liberty obvs comes to mind). likes to ponder/analyze things and also enjoys things where you gotta fuck around w the files to find out more stuff, it's like a little treasure hunt to it. also think it would like firewatch, both for the story and also bc it likes watching the sunsets in that game.

don juan: boomer shooters also but its mostly the newer stuff that catches her eye; stuff like the new blood boomer shooter trio (ULTRAKILL, dusk, amid evil) and cruelty squad would b right up her alley (and she'd totally be a tryhard about all of them). she also rly likes puzzle games tho! stuff like bubble poppers and tetris/puyo puyo tetris especially, but she can also keep herself occupied for A While just by playing solitaire. oh and minecraft. i think she'd rly like minecraft. terrarria, too, esp either of them modded, i think she'd have a lot of fun w them. def one of those ppl who gets all the minecraft achievements by herself, no cheats, on the hardest difficulty. bc she can, mostly.

rasmus: also not as big a video game person but they can and will crush you at chess (DJ's not as good but they play together sometimes; they specifically go easy on her). not as big a fan of it but they do also enjoy tetris/ppt; they and DJ will play together sometimes and rich will watch that shit like it's coco melon lol. part of me also wants to say they might enjoy desk jockeys? like papers, please and death and taxes (and i guess by extension, things that can enact moral/philosophical quandaries), but also maybe not; i think they usually get a lot more entertainment out of books and cinema/movies than games

#hotline miami #the trash speaks #trashcan's analysis #technicallyy hcs more like but i don't have a hcs tag and i don't want one

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zealfruity · 1 year ago

Text

Clones as Incorrect Quotes 2/2 Master Post (Domino Squad Lives AU and Fives+332nd Live AU version)

Unholy mixture of random generators, unsolved/ghost files banter, and things my friends have said

Mostly just headcanons following below

A few notes for these: Tup is NB he/they. Hardcase is genderfluid. Vaughn is agender they/them. Nax is a she/her. Jesse has no idea how any of this works, someone help him. Domino Squad Lives AU has the main blue boys interact with the 212th on a more personal level, so some of these involve a mix of the two groups. Every single character is having an existential crisis in the other AU. NO CLONESHIPPING HERE!

(Domino Squad Lives Fix-It AU):

Echo: Do you take constructive criticism?

Cutup: No, only cash or credit.

Waxer: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.

Echo: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.

Boil: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE!

*Everyone is playing a board game together*

Cutup: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.

Droidbait: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.

Hevy: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'

Echo: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make

'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC’.

Hevy: *flips the board*

Cutup: *standing on a balcony and sneezes*

Fives: *standing on the roof* Bless you.

Cutup: God?!

Cutup: Get in loser, we're going shopping.

Droidbait: This is a McDonald's drive thru.

Nax: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

Wooley: I need life advice.

Cutup, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

Fives: *coughs blood*

Droidbait: Don't die, Fives!

Fives: Don't tell me what to do!

Cutup: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I've ever done.

Droidbait: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real.

Cutup: They're not.

Droidbait: Haha, very funny.

Cutup: I'm serious. Didn't you hear?

Droidbait: No... what happened?

Cutup: …Why would you fall for this again-

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Cutup*

Cutup: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.

Droidbait: Quitting! It's like trying, but easier.

Hevy: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don't set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It's risky and I like it.

Cutup: Hello friends!

His Squad:

Cutup: You might be wondering why I'm stuck to the ceiling

Cutup: You're mean!

Droidbait: You're meaner!

Cutup: Yeah, well, you're ugly too!

Droidbait: You're uglier!

Cutup: You're a dumbass!

Droidbait: You're a dumberass!

Cutup: You think "dumberass" is a good insult!

*Cutup and Hevy are planning to break in somewhere*

Cutup: We need to distract the guards.

Hevy: Right.

Cutup: What are we gonna do?

Hevy: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes.

Cutup:

Hevy:

Cutup: Deal.

Nax: Hey, DB! Did you know you’re my BFFLWYLION?

Droidbait: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Nax: Best Friend For Life Whether You Like It Or Not.

Droidbait:

Droidbait: That’s one way to say it, I guess…

Wooley: I am strong! I beat Droidbait at arm wrestling!

Hevy: Anyone can beat Droidbait at arm wrestling!

Droidbait: Hey-

*Cutup sends more than 5 messages in a row*

Hevy: I ain’t reading all that.

Hevy: I’m happy for you tho.

Hevy: Or sorry that happened.

Cutup, to Wooley: You know, Hevy can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.

Cutup: *blows airhorn at Hevy* GET FUCKED!

Hevy: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Cutup: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents.

Hevy: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you.

Jesse: Actually I did the math, Cutup would have $225, not $0.15.

Cutup: Fam I’m right here....

Wooley: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Tup: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Wooley: Sorry I only have a dollar.

Tup: :(

Jesse: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Echo would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.

Wooley: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice.

Jesse: You can buy anything you want with $22,500.

Fives: Yeah and he wants soda and apply juice.

Echo: Apply juice to what.

Fives: Directly to the forehead.

Rex: Great chat everyone.

Droidbait, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

Echo: Time for plan G.

Wooley: Don’t you mean plan B?

Echo: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Droidbait: What about plan D?

Echo: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Tup: What about plan E?

Echo: I’m hoping not to use it. Cutup dies in plan E.

Boil: I like plan E.

Oddball: Are we really going to let Hevy keep Beam?

Cody: We kept Cutup.

Kix: Someone’s trying to break in. Call the cops!

Droidbait: *loads shotgun* I got this.

Kix: Last week you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-

The poor Jedi that got Cutup assigned to them after the war: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this Order.

Cutup: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

*At the police station*

Denal: Hi, I’m here for Domino Squad.

Corrie guard: Who’s Domino Squad?

Denal: Ah, you must be new.

Fox: What has the galaxy ever done for you?! Why would you wanna save it?!

Jesse: Cause I’m one of the idiots who lives in it!

Hevy: How does that even work?

Droidbait, mocking him: hOw dO yOu UsE a cOmPUteR aNd KnOw wHaTS GoiNg oN iT DoEsNt mAke SeNSe?!

Hevy: Your face doesn't make sense.

Cody, to Trapper: If you see Cutup, give him this message *makes a neutral face*

Cody: He’ll know what it means.

*later*

Trapper: oh, and Cody said to give you a message.

Trapper: *makes a neutral face*

Cutup: Oh no. The neutral face of displeasure.

Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?

Fives: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass.

Longshot: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window.

Cutup: ...We're on the ground floor.

Longshot: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Hevy: I have no respect for Santa. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

Denal: What do you call disobeying the law?

Domino Squad: A hobby.

Denal: *crosses his arms*

Domino Squad: That we do not engage in.

Droidbait to Tup: First rule of battle, vod’ika... don’t ever let them know where you are.

Hardcase, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!

Droidbait: 'Course, there’re other schools of thought.

Hevy: Really love that airports have to specify that you're NOT allowed grenades. Like damn there go my traveling plans

Droidbait: Ideally we get down there and Cutup’s just dead. And then we can end the mission, and I can go home. Obviously very sad, thoughts and prayers, but... I don't have to go down there, then. So... *weighs options between his hands* Lose brother, don't have to go in the tunnel. I think it comes out to be a wash, to be honest, so…

Hevy, about possibly getting too beefy for the armor: Regulations won’t look as good as my thighs will so they aren't valid.

Fives+332nd Live AU (possible official titles include Bones In The Ocean AU and Resistance Leaders AU, I’m workshopping it rn)

*The squad has just arrived in a new city. Fives looks around at the wanted posters to see if he’s on any of them.*

Omega: Fives, are you a criminal?

Fives: Not here, I'm not!

Rex: Uuh, watcha got there?

Fives, with a lightsaber: A smoothie.

Fives: Damn, Tech, are you secretly cool?

Tech: Well, poker is just math, so I guess it depends on if you consider the mathematician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool.

Fives: I do not.

Ahsoka, texting CF99: Want to help me murder someone?

Echo: Sure who we hitting?

Ahsoka: someone who looks evil

Some guy: What am I supposed to do?

Bounty Hunter Fives: If I were you? I’d try and make peace with whatever deity, pantheon, or Divine Other you believe in.

Some guy: I’m an atheist.

Fives: Then just get ready to die I guess.

Fives: So, are you two friends?

Omega: Yes.

Crosshair: No.

Fives: Hello Crosshair, made anyone cry today?

Crosshair: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.

Fives: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?

Echo: Schrödinger's boys.

Crosshair: FUCK!

Wrecker: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?

Tech: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.

Tech: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

Fives: ...

Echo: ...

Crosshair: ...

Wrecker: ...

Tech: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

Fives: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.

Tech: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

Fives: Fuck you.

The self-taught medic with no license in the lower levels: Fives’ a 10 but that's all we know about him.

Kix: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.

Ahsoka: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Kix: Th-that's not how that works-

Fives, to the BB: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go.

Tech: But how-

Fives, ignoring him: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

Echo: *nods sagely*

All of them: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

Fives: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

Tech: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Fives: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Tech: Somehow that's worse.

Rex: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?

Crosshair: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

Hunter: Didn't you die?

Fives: That was months ago, dude. Things change.

Omega: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Omega: And I started thinking.

Omega: Like, it was just trying to get food.

Omega: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Hunter: Are you ok?

Jesse 5 months into Resistance work: You know I think my life has value.

Wrecker: Who are you and what have you done with Jesse?!

Fives: I'm so sad woa woa womp womp.

Echo: I am tired of fighting my own demons, give me physical ones.

Fives, months into being on the run: I’d kill to go absolutely ham on a dexter-grade hamburgussy.

Echo: Nothing wrong with a little government overthrowing in the sake of friendship.

Wrecker: Aw you little reg guy.

Dogma: Shut up do not call me that.

Omega: Gentleman ori’vod.

Dogma: Stop I am a STRANGER who is RUDE!

Echo after Fives tells him that he tried to assassinate Palpatine: Yeah I think fighting the Chancellor’s a pretty good way to get labeled a traitor.

#incorrect quotes #silly #tcw #au #tcw aus #clone wars #star wars #tbb #bad batch #tbb au

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munchbuddi · 2 months ago

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I'm like 4 hours into Void Stranger, and it might just be the most severely cool game I've ever played. I would like to rant about it, but to say ANYTHING about the cool stuff would be too spoiler-y, lollll. HUGE recommendation though, it's very very cool.

There are a few puzzles that are outside of my pay grade, so I can also recommend this Spoiler-Free(ish) Walkthrough from the game's wiki. I will warn though, it contains a single spoiler for a (admittedly) pretty minor (but helpful) mechanic, so if you want to not get that one thing spoiled beforehand, wait to check out the walkthrough until after you find a way to triple your snacks. LUCKY!

A few vague but nonspecific tips for the opening hour(s) of the game: the game doesn't mention it, but you can pick up stairs! this is useful in situations where the stairs are in the way of reaching a gem or a chest! Any folks you meet probably have more than one line of dialogue, you should talk to them more than once! You can hold ESC to close the game, this lets you soft reset floors that have reached an unwinnable state! Some progression and collectables persist even if you restart your save file, so don't be afraid to restart if you ever feel the need! Always be on the look out for familiar shapes (the f12 key lets ya screenshot on steam)! Planning moves on pen and paper before doing anything can help solve some puzzles without wasting lives! Lastly, bump into the sniddies!

Admittedly, I'm also pretty sure I'm playing the game wrong, so take my advice as the blind leading the blind! I've been refusing to eat fruit, opting instead to just start over if I run outta tasty bugs (I do not know what happens if you eat the fruit, I am too scared to try it, lollll), as such, I've made very little ACTUAL progress with anything that is found on later floors.

#void stranger #munchposting

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lacefuneral · 5 months ago

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real talk though i'm getting. very good at understanding disco elysium's mechanics. and like. i DO want to help people but also. the point of disco elysium IS failure. and the correct way to play (imo) is to completely bumble around confused on ur first playthrough unless you get stuck/confused.

but like. i know how to make hundreds upon hundreds of real very easily. i know what thought projects do what. i have the skills of the clothing memorized so i don't even really need to check them (unless i'm making sure i don't have debuffs.) i've learned that, paradoxically, despite its name, Hardcore Mode is actually easier than standard Disco because you earn more EXP, which means more skill points, which means more skill buffing and thought projects. i've learned one of the most useful thought projects is Caustic Echo because upon completion it gives you extra skill points.

because i know the murder mystery and the sequences of events that need to take place to advance the story, and what special events happen on what days, i have a mental checklist of "okay i'll do this quest, then this one, then this one, then this one." and i'm able to zip around martinaise very quickly

i know what checks i should fail on purpose if i want extra content (always fail checks with siilang. always. then pass them. you get more stuff from him). i know what is safe to sell at the pawn shop and what isn't.

but i am so. so glad. that i didn't know this stuff during my first playthrough. my first playthrough of disco elysium? that lasted several real-world weeks. where i'd pick it up for a little bit, explore, try to solve the mystery, and then put it down again.

now, if i'm determined, i can beat a single game of disco within a few hours, probably. but i don't like to do that. i like to explore every single inch of the world i can. i try experiments. "what happens if i internalize every single ideology?" and "if i do drugs where kim can't see me, does he know?" and "what happens if i choose this dialogue option i have never chosen in any previous playthrough."

the cool thing, too, about disco is that there are hundreds (thousands?) of so-called "passive checks." this means that, for example, if you have high Encyclopedia, sometimes encylopedia will chime in and give you lore about the world. but it's an invisible dice roll. you can have "max stats" through save manipulation on a PC, but still not get all of the passive checks. because disco runs on a Critical Pass and Critical Fail dice system. if the (invisible) dice roll snake eyes, you don't get the passive check. and you don't even know that there's one there.

i got a Shivers check this most recent playthrough that actually made me gasp aloud, because it references a different part of the game. and that was the first time i'd ever seen it! in all 7 iterations i have played so far!

every. single. save file of disco elysium. is personalized. every single one.

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ageless-aislynn · 11 months ago

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Dear ones, I don't want to jinx myself, count my chickens before they hatch or whatever saying might strike your fancy at the moment but... After a week plus a few days of over 30 blue screens of death (8 of them in one hour), my computer has made it a day without one.

I had to finally wipe everything and start over and I finally, after sooooo many hours of research, I can't EVEN, am pretty sure I've discovered the source of the problem that linked my old computer, my dad's computer and this computer to all having nearly identical bsod issues: some absolute DOORKNOB of a person was putting the exact same third-party firewall back on all of them. Who was that doorknob?

🤷‍♀️

In my, I mean, in HER defense, that firewall has served very well for the almost 20 years I've used it. It says it's compatible with Windows 10 and 11 and all of my troubleshooting was blaming the various video/network/etc drivers. However, I discovered that ZoneAlarm took an update at almost exactly the time my other computer started having trouble 3 months ago. But ZA updates "silently" so I didn't know that until I went looking just now for the date of the last build, realized it corresponded almost exactly, and then I went

That said, I'm a little worried that it took me THIS LONG to realize that that was the single program all 3 had in common. I was just so used to using and relying on it that it didn't occur to me that it could be at the heart of all of the problems.

So, as I said before, it all boils down to

Right now, I've got almost nothing on the computer besides the browser and a new set of security programs. It's been an interesting way to see what my priorities are because I want to install one thing, wait a couple of days to verify everything's working fine, then install then next, wait again and so on, putting things back on slowly and deliberately.

BUT I WANT STEAM BACK ON NOWNOWNOW SO I CAN PLAY MY GAMES ZOMGGGGGG.

Apparently, I get actual buckets of serotonin and overall feel-good vibes from playing games because I'm absolutely frothing at the mouth at not being able to play anything at all.

Next will be Word so I can stop trying to read my utterly, drastically terrible handwriting from where I've been working on "15 Minutes" ch7 by hand (I might possibly be writing in Sangheili, I can't even tell anymore 🤷‍♀️😉).

Then eventually, Vegas. I'm worried about that one in particular because my research did uncover a potential Vegas Pro 15 - Win 11 conflict. Some people couldn't get it to work, others have no problem. I've seriously got my fingers crossed that it'll be okay so I can get back to GIF-making and vid editing, in whatever order. 🤞😣🤞

I've spent SO much time seeing blue screens that I find myself staring at the place on the monitor where the error info flashes, my notebook at the ready to scribble down the pertinent messages, just expecting another to pop at any second.

The last couple of times it popped, I was trying to read the debugging info from the LAST crash. And then it would crash again.

However, I can now report that, if you're ever using WinDbg to read your .dmp files and it tells you "symbols are WRONG" (and yes, it all-capped it just like that), I can actually tell you how to fix the dang symbols. It's a weird flex to take but hey, I'm taking it. It wasn't easy to find the answer to that one! 😠😕😉

If all continues on without any further crashes, then I'll hopefully be back catching up on things ASAP. If it resumes crashing while I have nothing more on the computer than a browser and the security programs the pc came with, then I'm just going to

Let's hope for the best, m'kay? Good thoughts, prayers, hopes, well wishes or whatever you've got are appreciated at this point. Love you, friends. I've really missed you all. 🤗💖

#ageless aislynn #computer problems #computer issues #about me #my stars am i tired frens #i just want to have fun with my computer again #just make some silly little things #and play my silly little games #not waste hours on research that goes nowhere or goes in the total wrong direction #i just want to have fun again instead of beating my head against a wall #wish me luck #love you frens

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tobiasdrake · 11 months ago

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And Sea of Stars.

Time to tackle some trials.

These little lantern doo-dads are cutie-patooties, is what they are. I'm a little weirded out that they drop Berries though.

Do they eat the berries? Do they grow the berries? Are these plants or herbivores because it's freaky either way.

Alright man, we gathered your weird giant artifacts and now we understand Live Magic. Do we pass?

Honestly, I don't know why you made a token gesture of a fuss about letting Garl in here in the first place. He can use Live Magic too. I know it's because of Something Something Solstice Warriors So Attunement and all that but. Still.

If the presence of a Solstice Warrior nearby means everybody gets superpowers then this is one area where having normies along is a total benefit. The more Live Mana channelers, the merrier.

Anyway, you can give me my certificate or whatever and we can--

...okay, so apparently that was happening while I was talking.

Man, I have got to stop going off on monologues in the middle of dramatically tense conversations.

I just want it on record that I think it's unfair of you to make us build the robot body that you are going to crack my skull with. I think that demonstrates poor work ethic on your part. And that I would like to file a formal complaint with your manager.

That's fair.

Hold up, nobody said anything about prophecies. We were just told to learn "to use magic without using magic".

Fuck yeah, gift with purchase!

But we already began our journey!

Ten years after beginning our journey.

I'm so tired of beginning our journey.

Oh man, I am going to ruin so many people's sleep schedules doing this. This is the most catastrophic power yet.

It's not even a toggle. Like, a lot of games have the ability to SHLOOP straight to dawn or dusk, often with the implication that you aren't really changing the time of day so much as you're just skipping forward in time, either with or without your PC.

But no, this is whole-ass fucking time-of-day manipulation. I can crank the sun back and forth like a DJ at a turntable. WICKA-WICKA Your lunch hour is gone.

This might actually be a sound basis for one of those Superpower Registration Act storylines. I'm about to ruin the lives of every single person on the planet because this bridge is solar-powered and I don't wanna wait around for the right time of day.

It's nice to know that it's not just Moraine. We're all inconsiderate pricks. Imagine doing this instead of. Like. Any other possible locking mechanism ever.

We already have locks that you just zippy-zap with a bit of lunar magic and they open right up. But no. I'm going to crank the sun back to 8 AM every time I want to cross this bridge. Fuck you.

Hold up. We sealed ancient evils inside a prison whose locking mechanism is a specific time of day? I feel like there's a flaw in that plan.

Well. That's horrifying. Anyways, it's prophecy time.

HA! Told you lunar magic's superior. Even Sun Warrior Zale needs a little bit of night to become the best version of himself.

Zale's prophecy is that he needs to be more like me. My prophecy is that I'm next-gen Jesus. I WIN.

Does Garl get a prophecy?

That's. Not. A prophecy. That is whining about our decision to bring a normie disguised as a prophecy. Man, everyone's prophecy sucks but mine. Even time recognizes that I'm the best one in this group.

Oh, there's more. So he gets a prophecy and also some whining. Elder Mist wanted to clearly establish that he's only delivering this prophecy under duress.

Though the prophecy itself is pretty good, actually. High five, Garl. We're both better than Zale.

That's going to be our ticket to Wraith Island. We need to be there before the eclipse which is... uh... an amount of time away. Shouldn't be too far off. Depending on side quests, of course.

Of course, if we miss the eclipse, I could probably just timey-wime the days back until the day of the eclipse anyway.

Giants are our travel mechanism? Do they, like, shoot teleport lasers out of their eyes or something?

O_O CAN HE MISS!?

#sea of stars #drake plays sea of stars

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turboautismrobot · 4 months ago

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a kokichi truther could sit me down and ramble about how awsome he is for like an hour and id gladly listen but i still wouldnt understand why people are so drawn to him

i mean, hes the v3 antag and of course people will be drawn to the antag, byakuya and komaeda are also incredibly popular characters, but kokichis character falls so flat to me i just dont get it at all

fanon kokichi often makes him lean into the "not actually evil" thing or erases it completely and makes him straight up evil and a piece of shit and i like those interpretations way more than what he actually is :/

chapter 4 of v3 was insane yes but i still dont understand why he killed miu if hes so "against murder" (which side note but being "against murder" is the funniest shit i ever like killing people is bad?? yeah no shit its fucking bad, welcome to being a normal person bruh) and chapter 5 solidified kokichi as an attempt on the writers part to make another komaeda

but heres the thing with trying to make the same impact that nagito did, komaeda is such a carefully constructed character with so much depth and so many layers that you cant emulate him without an insane amount of work, all of the pieces for nagitos character fall into place seamlessly, he makes sense

kokichi will have monokuma tell you, though his motive video, which has no reason to lie to the audience since it was only ment for kokichi to watch, that he abhors murder and has strictly prohibited it within his gang, and then manipulate gonta into killing miu and watch him do it with a straight face. pick one liar boy

after komaeda dies he is still relevant, after you clock the suicide his trial becomes increasingly terrifying, even when hes dead he seems to be fully in control of the trial, theres a whole mini chapter just about him and kamukura, hinata is still conflicted about him and wants to understand him after he dies, theres the whole cutting his own arm off and replacing it with junkos thing. even if he doesnt have the whole narrative at gun point nagito is still significant after his death, the game still makes a point to bring him up and presence or lack there of is meaningful

after ouma boy dies and his trial is over we find out he, somehow, isnt actually evil and it kind of Ends At That. we find out the camera bots trough the blueprint he made but none of the characters give him any thought after it, his abscence isnt noticed, hes not missed, no one pays him any mind after his death, not even the game. rantaro, the first death of the game, becomes more significant than the antagonist that had been with us the entire time

nagitos luck talent is relevant, its trough his luck that he is traumatized time and time again and turns out the way he is, its trough his luck that he survives the russian roulette and gets the hope's peak file, its trough his luck that his insanely elaborate kamikaze plan ALMOST works, its trough hinatas understanding of nagito and his luck that it fails at the very end

kokichis supreme leader talent is irrelevant, his skills as a petty theif have more spotlight than his talent, in a game with so much emphasis on talent that we have the talent ultimate labs the antagonists talent means nothing, kokichi never leads anything, in fact he isolates and fucks off to the ether for most of the game, i cannot recall a single moment his talent was relevant other than making everyone belive he lead the remnants of despair at some point (which side note if some random mf showed up trying to become a new leader to the despairs they would have killed him i think lmao. specially if its post dr2)

i dont have a conclusion to end this on, im not a kokichi enjoyer but he has successfully become a minor roman empire in my brain due to how mid he is lol

#inky says words

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moochi-daisies · 1 year ago

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2012. 02.

- 18+, Minors DNI

Content contains: smoking, swearing, drinking, tension and moments

Length: 5k words

- In Summation: Two people fall in love, which would make for a much shorter story if they had better communication skills.

Find the rest here!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bus ride felt like thirteen hours. Time did not magically speed by as much as I expected it to.

I clambered on with my backpack and plopped into my seat, watching the others file on to find their own place. I was the only person under 40 by the looks of it. Lots of grizzled old men shot me concerned or quizzical looks. Others, some polite smiles. Beyond that - none of us said a word to each other.

In the beginning of the trip I was elated, my heart beating so hard I could feel it all the way down my arms. Nearly bursting out of my fingertips. I jostled my leg impatiently and put my headphones in, humming quietly to myself. I was off on an adventure, to a new place, off to meet new people.

An experience.

I savored the moment as much as I could. That is, until the anxiety starting creeping in. Yoongi hadn't replied after I told him I was on the way. Bile churned in my stomach as I considered the long hours stretching ahead of me, giving me all the space I needed to think more critically about what I was doing.

It was then that the "what-if" game started to play in my head.

For those who are unfamiliar with the "what-if" game, it's when your brain starts to conjure up every single "what if" that could happen regarding a situation. Some professionals may call it "anxiety" or "OCD" or " a trauma response". But isn't it more fun to think of it as a game instead?

The game itself though, is not so fun. And I suddenly felt very small on the bus. Instead of feeling like a grown woman, daringly headed wherever life was taking her- the sinking fear that I was just a dumb kid crept through my chest.

As we lurched into motion, the carefree attitude I'd had when I first got onto the bus flitted away and I clutched onto my bag, pressing it against my body like a safety blanket.

What the hell am I doing? I scolded myself internally, What the actual fuck do you think you're doing?

A ding on my phone jerked me out of my anxiety spiral. A new message from Yoongi glowed on the screen.

All right. Let me know when you're close by. Watch out for creeps ok?

The air rushed out of my lungs like a deflating balloon. I hadn't even noticed I was holding my breath until that moment. Just a single message and my anxiety melted away like it had never been there in the first place. We hadn't talked much, but Yoongi had this ability to calm me down with the few words he did choose to say. I didn't know what to do with that. There were people I talked to constantly, and had known for years, that were incapable of doing the same.

I was generally excitable in the way I spoke, with a sing-song voice that didn't hide the emotions I was feeling. Yoongi on the other hand, was less flowery than I was, but the words he said were deliberate. They had a weight to them that made me slow down and listen.

I loved that about him.

He made sense to me in a world full of people that I never really fully understood or felt understood by.

With renewed peace (and the dissipation of fearful anxiety), I drifted off to sleep. Waking up to take smoke breaks and stretch my legs whenever we stopped.

Many, many hours later, we passed by the sign for his city and I sent him a message:

Ok, just passed the city sign. Should be a couple minutes now :) I have on a bunny jacket.

The bus turned off the freeway and onto the quiet streets of his small city. Snow had fallen already and big white patches dampened any sound, which made it was so much quieter than where I had come from. It was also much, much colder than where I had come from. My bunny jacket was fuzzy and soft, with long floppy ears attached to the hood. It was one of my favorites, but not designed to defend anyone against the natural elements. Still, it was what I had. So I zipped it all the way up and pulled my hands inside the sleeves.

The bus turned into the station minutes later where I saw a car in the parking lot with about 5 people standing around it, smoking and turning in unison to look towards the bus. My heart pummeled its way into my stomach when I recognized Yoongi as one of them.

Why were there so many of them?

Come to think of it, I never asked about his roommates.

What if they all hate me?

What if they all think I'm some insane weirdo who came all the way out here and Yoongi just said yes because he felt sorry for me?

Wait-

I am kind of an insane weirdo who did come all the way out here without even stopping to question why Yoongi said yes in the first place.

Shit.

I looked down at my nails that I had finally quit biting and painted red. Cursing myself for stopping the habit, I tried to find some skin to pick to calm me down.

Well - it was a little too late to be backing out now, right?

I didn't have time to continue thinking myself into a spiral. If I had been able to feel my emotions at the time, I think I would've been grateful for that.

The bus came to stop and air whooshed out as the doors opened. Welcoming the outside chill as it swept through in full force. My legs felt unused, maybe even never used, and I tried my best to remember how to walk as I shakily clambered down the steps. Yoongi and his friends didn't walk up to greet me warmly like I had hoped. Instead they all stood together, watching me walk up to them.

As I got closer I realized it was a group of guys. A group of cute guys. A group of cute, cool guys that were looking at me like I was an alien. The usual nervousness and sense of doom that usually came with being around a group of guys never came despite my anticipation of it. In its place, was something sweeter. An excited nervousness, a curious nervousness, a hopeful nervousness.

Ok...

I was still really nervous.

I tried to accumulate moisture in my mouth in order to make my voice sound as confident as possible before speaking.

It didn't work.

"Um hey, uh-" I cleared my throat, "Yoongi right?"

The guys all laughed and one of them playfully hit him on the shoulder. Yoongi was even cuter in person- just slightly taller than I was, black hair tucked behind one ear and wearing a heavy looking black denim jacket over a zip up hoodie. He hadn't looked at me yet but briefly glanced at me before speaking up.

"Yeah, ya found me." His response was short. In a deep and low voice that set off a spark within my belly.

One of the boys, a taller one with a boyish charm piped up to fill in the silence.

"Give her a hug man, don't make it weird." The boys eyes caught mine and he gave me a wink. He was so handsome that I don't think I registered him as being real at the time. A lip piercing glimmered under the light of a nearby streetlamp. I smiled back sheepishly and my cheeks started to burn from more than the cold.

A similar flush was mirrored across Yoongi's cheeks, but he moved towards me anyways - reaching one arm out to give me an awkward hug. Our faces nearly brushed together before he jumped back and turned away from me. Every movement being made felt like it was happening under water and in slow motion.

I must've looked like a lost goldfish.

"Uh, so these are my roommates. Jungkook-" he gestured towards the boy who had winked at me. "Jin-" another tall one with fluffy hair waved, "Namjoon-" the last of the tall ones and the sturdiest looking one, nodded his head. "Hobi-" a sweet looking one flashed a friendly smile and relief flooded through me as I returned it.

"Tae and Jimin are back at the house, we couldn't fit them in the car." Hobi continued to explain. Yoongi had shut up abruptly after introductions were made, turning to look off into the distance at nothing in particular.

"There's more?" I squeaked out, feeling sweat bead up under my jacket.

The boys all laughed again, well, all except for Yoongi. He had turned towards the car and remained silent, refusing to look at me again.

The pressure to say something was heavy in the air and I tried to stay positive that this wasn't going to be the most uncomfortable trip I'd ever been on.

"Well, thanks for having me. I know this must be weird but I'm excited for the show!" I half laughed out. The boys, minus Yoongi, smiled warmly at me, a medley of "happy you're here", "let's get going it's fucking freezing" and "glad you made it" came as response. And in unison, they all began moving to get into the car.

Yoongi still hadn't said anything but opened the car door closest to me, gesturing for me to get inside. I thanked him quietly, trying not to notice how the smell of tobacco and spices coming off of him made me feel. He closed the door behind me and walked around to get into the passenger side seat.

Jungkook slid into the back seat with me, before Hobi and Namjoon squeezed themselves in on the other side of him. Jungkook laughed, apologizing for the way his shoulder was pressing against mine. I waved him off with a laugh, telling him how anything felt better than being on that bus. If he had had floppy ears, they would have perked up after I said that. It was so clear in his body language that it was almost weirder that he didn't have them. A big grin spread across his face and he wiggled his eyebrows at me before turning towards the others.

"This girl's just been on a bus for 13 hours! Let's go get some beer!" Jungkook piped up to the rest. And in eerie unison, five faces turned to look at me, earnestly waiting for my response.

I nodded.

And immediately felt reassured that was the correct choice.

Whoops filled the car as we started to make our way out of the bus station parking lot - Yoongi even chuckled to himself before turning to look out the window.

Once the noise has settled down -Jin, who was in the driver's seat, began asking me my drink preferences. A decision that was taken as a "Go" cue for the other's to start in with their questions.

How had I heard about the show?

Why did I want to come?

Did I also make music?

What did I like doing?

What did I do?

Yoongi stayed looking out the window, one hand up against his chin, seemingly uninterested in any of the conversation taking place around him. I sputtered out responses and giggled at their rowdy shit talking and tried my best to not stare at Yoongi the entire time.

It was like the drive to get the beers happened in a time vortex, somehow feeling like years and seconds at the same time. When we did finally (suddenly) pull up to the gas station/convenience store, Jin hopped out to get gas and the others followed. Focused on carrying out their mission to get the beers.

"C'mon out and stretch your legs a bit. You must be sick of sitting." Hobi beckoned at me before turning to follow the others.

I was very much fine sitting and trying not to hyperventilate but then Yoongi got out of the car and walked around to once again open the door for me. So I pushed myself out of the vehicle, shivering now that the shock of meeting everyone was starting to wear off.

"It's cold here, huh?" My words came out feebly as I looked at Yoongi.

God, he was so cute.

He looked me up and down before frowning a bit, and grumbling out his response.

"Uh yeah, we wear layers here.".

Oh.

He must have realized I was making an effort though because he sighed after the words left his mouth, and took off his denim jacket before stiffly holding it out to me.

"If you didn't bring a jacket you can wear this while you're here." He said, this time while looking at me directly.

I lost track of the conversation we had been attempting in an instant.

"You have pretty eyes," I blurted out while reaching for the jacket, "Ah, I mean thank you.". Embarrassment was masked just enough by the fact that what I had said was true. He really did have pretty eyes. My own eyes were a dark brown but nowhere near the deep, dark brown that his were. They were nearly black, like little onyx pools. Lights seemed to sparkle and reflect back out of them.

Like there were stars in his eyes.

Yoongi's lips pulled back on one side into a small smile and Jin, who was standing behind him, chuckled to himself.

"Shut up!" Yoongi muttered and without turning around, rolled his eyes at Jin, who held his hands up - feigning innocence. Some sort of telepathy.

I started to relax a bit, the tension in my shoulders easing. The warmth and smell from Yoongi's jacket brought a comfort that washed away some of the lingering fear. These guys seemed all right and were incredibly welcoming to a random stranger that they just picked up from the bus stop. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Maybe this wasn't a bad idea. Hope didn't feel ridiculous for a change, it even felt potentially warranted. I didn't know what to do with any of the feelings that came with that. Luckily, things were moving too fast for me to stew in those feelings.

Yoongi pulled out a cigarette and raised his eyebrows at me as he offered the pack in my direction. I focused all of my energy on stopping my hand from shaking as I reached for one and put it between my lips. He kept his movements fluid, almost habitual - pulling out his lighter and turning to cup his hand around the end of my cigarette. Lighting it for me before I could register what he was doing.

Glancing at my shocked expression, he laughed before lighting his own.

"Pretty girls don't light their own cigarettes.".

He said the words in a clear voice for the first time that night. Blowing out smoke and following it with his eyes as it trailed off into the sky.

I looked down, smiling to myself, and took a drag of my own.

"I didn't know that." I said softly.

And comfortable seconds of silence fell between us.

Crunching footsteps sounded sharp in comparison as Jin came over for a drag. Starting a conversation with Yoongi about something that warbled through my ears like a foreign language. The tiredness from the trip had begun to hit me like wrecking ball now that adrenaline and fear weren't keeping me going. I walked to a patch of nearby snow, listening to the crackling of ice beneath my feet, taking careful steps and watching green blades of grass peek through the broken up pieces of white.

The loud voices of the other boys broke me out of my trance and Yoongi waved me back over to the car. I put out my cigarette in a puddle of melting slush, tossing it in the garbage can by the gas pump. And when Yoongi opened my door for me this time, I shot him a shy smile as thanks.

After he closed the door, I saw him smile to himself as he walked back to the passenger seat. With all of the self-control I could muster, I looked down at my lap once he had gotten into his seat. Feeling the weight of the seat next to me dip down while everyone made their way to their seats. Jungkook's muscular shoulder bumped into mine, a wink and kissy face given as greeting once I turned my head to look up at him.

"So, you came here without knowing anything about us huh?" He asked in a teasing tone, holding a paper bag of beers in between his knees.

"Yeah, ha, pretty wild decision now that I think about it." I mumbled. It didn't feel bad that he was teasing me, but the realization that I was so unprepared for this trip kept poking at me like an invisible splinter. My deflated response didn't go unnoticed however, and a tattooed hand palmed the top of my head - fingers scrunching up my hair as a gesture of reassurance.

"You're gonna have fun, don't worry. We're lots of fun, aren't we Yoongi?" Jungkook lowered his hand from my head and leaned forward to nudge Yoongi, wrinkling his nose as he smiled.

"Shut up." Yoongi said, not looking back. And the boys all laughed.

I must've looked noticeably confused at this. Because a voice, deep like Yoongi's but smoother, spoke up from behind Jungkook.

"Yoongi's like that, but he must like you if he said you could come." Namjoon's face peered around Jungkook's wide shoulders. The dimpled smile on his face and soothing way he spoke felt like a hug, and I smiled back at him before Yoongi's first response to me floated through my mind.

"Wait- you guys were all okay with me coming, right?" I asked the car- suddenly aware of how little Yoongi and I had discussed my coming here.

There was a moment of silence as Yoongi's head swiveled around to look at the others. A sharp look of, "don't you fuckin' dare" clear across his full moon face.

Hobi, who was squished between Jungkook and Namjoon broke through the silence with a cheery voice, "Yeah, of course! We're really glad you want to support the show. Yoongi's been working so hard on it!" And the brief moment of tension fizzled, six pairs of shoulders relaxing as the rest of the guys broke out into jumbled praise for Yoongi's work on his music.

I wasn't trying not to listen, but I couldn't stop staring at Yoongi. Did he say it was okay for me to come without telling everyone else? In the pit of my stomach, the understanding that I may not get the answer to that question became impossible to ignore. "Let it go for now", I remember thinking. And pulled up his jacket up to cover more of my face, sinking down into my seat for the rest of the ride. Settling, as I focused on breathing in the warmth and letting a "what if" game of "reasons Yoongi said I could come" drift through my mind.

After some time had passed, I don't know how much, the car slowed down as it pulled up to the house and I jolted out of my tiredness while everyone filed out onto the sidewalk. It was a two story house that looked like it had lived through some history- paint peeling off the wood, a good handful of shingles missing from the rooftop. It wasn't run down by any means, but it wasn't new either. It was like it had spent it's time really being lived in. Loved in. A space for family. A worn down ambiguously colored couch sat on the front porch and the light inside glowed yellow through the glass mosaic on the front door.

It was beautiful.

"Welcome, welcome!" Hobi threw his arms up with an infectious energy as I made my way up the front porch steps. I giggled and paused to curtsy for him, before tiptoeing inside behind Yoongi. Once we had all piled in, a soft "oh" escaped me as I looked around.

Inside the home was like a paradise of comfort. A giant couch took up most of the living room, covered in pillows and fuzzy blankets. A TV was propped up on a heavy wooden dresser that housed several game consoles, wires spilling onto the floor beside it. A variety of art pieces splattered across the walls and art supplies were tucked around in different cabinets and boxes. Books piled up in various corners and shelves, some were even peeking their way out from under the couch.

To my right was a hallway, which led to Yoongi's room and the bathroom Jin explained to me. Two wooden staircases, one going up and one going down, were also in that hallway and they led to the other boys rooms. An open doorway on the right side of the living room led to the kitchen. I couldn't see it, but the nearly orange walls softly glowed and shone out into the living room like an indoor sunset.

The exhaustion shot back through my body at the sight of it all. Maybe it was the realization that this was a safe place. That I had travelled all this way and was going to be staying in a place that felt more like home than my own ever did. I slid down to the floor with a thump, gaping at everything around me.

The boys looked down at me and gently laughed, "You can sit on the couch you know..." Jin joked before slipping into the hallway. "TAE, JIMIN! SHE'S HERE!" he yelled and my mush of a brain tried its hardest to comprehend that there was still two more people to meet.

Jungkook had plopped onto the couch after pulling the beers out of the bag and called me over. Namjoon had disappeared off to his room and Hobi had walked into the kitchen - rattling sounds that echoed out into the living room followed shortly after. Yoongi had walked immediately to his laptop and started messing with some music programs on the floor near the couch. They were home and living their lives again. Only this time, I was also there. A feeling that I couldn't make smaller no matter how I tried to rationalize it.

Pulling myself off the floor, I staggered as gracefully as I could to the couch and sank down into the cushions. It was softer than I expected and knocked me off balance - my torso flopping down so I was laying on my side. The top of my head was pressed against Jungkook's thigh but the energy to move or feel embarrassed had been entirely drained out of me.

"Oh my god," I laughed, feeling delirious, "I could just fall asleep right here.". And I felt Jungkook's hand patting the top of my head, ruffling my hair as he laughed with me. "Aw, little sleepyhead." he said sympathetically.

Yoongi's voice cut across the room, annoyance clear in his tone. "You could just go to sleep in my room, you don't have to stay out here.".

And I jerked myself upright, feeling my throat close up with constricting nerves. He was letting me stay at his place and barge into his life, the last thing I wanted to do was make him mad. I looked to Jungkook, unsure what to do. But all I got in response were big doe eyes, puffed out cheeks and a beer.

"No, I'm okay. It's really comfy in here, you guys have a nice place." I mumbled out with burning ears. I cracked open the beer and didn't have the nerve to look at Yoongi. Was I sleeping in his room? With him? Yet another thing we hadn't discussed. This was beginning to feel like a fever dream.

And at the same time, it was too real to feel like a dream. They were too real for it to feel like a dream.

If that makes any sense at all.

A thunder of footsteps interrupted my thinking as two new boys ran into the living room. One, an absolute cherub of a man and the other looked like he belonged in an art studio. The cherub stepped across the room to lean down and hug me, "I'm Jimin! You must be our very special guest, welcome to our humble abode!".

The artist followed after Jimin, bowing a full 90 degrees before theatrically posing like a hand model, "And I'm Tae. Charmed I'm sure.". He wiggled his eyebrows at me and we both laughed. I responded with my "nice to meet you's" and "thank you for having me" before looking more closely at Tae.

"Hey! We have the same beauty spot!" I exclaimed, pointing at my cheek with one finger and his with the other. He briskly strode over and sat next to me on the couch, grabbing my hands and pulling them to his chest. Looking deeply into my eyes he finally breathed out a line meant for romantic drama's, "I knew it. You must be my soulmate..." and I couldn't help but play along.

"Oh my darling, I never dreamed this day would come but here you are - right before me!" My voice shot up an octave as I dove into character. Fluttering my eyelashes until my eye twitched.

Jimin and Jungkook chuckled while Tae smiled widely at me, giving me a nod of approval before reaching to grab a beer.

"I like her Yoongi. She's fun." Jimin threw out while grabbing his drink. Yoongi grunted in response without looking away from his computer. Unsure of what to do, my eyes drifted over to the workout bar hung in the doorframe between the living room and kitchen.

"Hey, what's that for?" I asked as calmly as I could, taking some sips of beer in hopes of selling the "normal girl" act. Jungkook's eyes lit up and he bounced off the couch, Jimin gracefully (and immediately) flopping down to take his place. "It's for cool shit like this!". The exclamation was followed with Jungkook pulling himself up on the bar, demonstrating what I imagined to be every single possible variation of a pull up. I don't know what got into me, I couldn't even do one pull up. But I set my beer down and stood up before saying, "That's really cool, but can I try something real quick?" And Jungkook dropped down, smiling excitedly while he moved back to the couch.

I reached up and grabbed the bar, jumped with tucked knees in order to flip back and lifted my feet up so I was able to hook my knees back over it. Once I was secure, I let go of the bar with my hands and wiggled my fingers, "Ta-da!" I beamed. And the three boys on the couch erupted with supportive applause.

Hobi came running out of the kitchen only to shriek with surprise as he nearly collided with my dangling upper body.

"Wow! Okay, are you hungry? I'm making ramen. Anyone?" he pushed my torso to the side like a curtain to peer out at the rest of the group.

Yoongi raised a thumb and the others affirmed before Hobi nodded to himself.

"Ok, someone go check if Jin and Namjoon want some. How about you?" He squatted down to look up at my face and I nodded. The sudden realization of not eating anything all day sent a wave a weakness through my body and after Hobi moved back to the kitchen, I unflipped myself. Trying not to sway as I waited for the blood to leave my head, blinking out sparks behind my eyes.

While Tae had gone to check on the other boys, Jungkook and Jimin had started a conversation that I didn't want to interrupt. So I grabbed my beer, one for Yoongi and walked over to where he was stationed. If he noticed me nervously settling next to him, he did an excellent job not showing it. His focus was glued to the screen and he hadn't budged from his position on the floor since he got there, shoulders hunched over and lips pursed in a concentrated expression.

I sat in a version of child's pose, propping myself up on an elbow before handing the beer to him and taking a glance at his computer screen.

"Here you go. Thank you again for all of this, I, um. Is this what you're working on for the show?" I felt like I had never put words together in a sentence before. He grabbed the beer from me without taking his eyes from the screen, opening it with one hand to take a sip before setting it down.

Unnecessarily hot of him.

In response to my question, he nodded and continued with his work. Maybe if I had been less tired I would have been worried about him not wanting me there. Or that I was invading his space or distracting him from his work. Maybe it really was just my delirium but, a comfortable silence fell between us again. I had no idea what he was doing but I liked how he looked while he worked.

Until the sudden awareness of our proximity to each other rippled through my body like an electrical current.

The heat coming off of him radiated through both jacket layers and settled deep inside my chest. I pretended not to notice his knee in my peripheral vision or how his hands looked moving across the keyboard. I sat up to drink more beer, to try and get some space and unintentionally brushed his shoulder with mine. A jolt shot through denim and fuzz, sending shivers down my arm and into the pit of my stomach. We both remained motionless, staring straight ahead until Jin and Namjoon came shuffling out of the hallway.

They both looked down at us, Jin smirking and Namjoon smiling gently. Like they knew something we both didn't. I bit the metal rim of the beer can and felt my cheeks flush without knowing why.

"Look at you lovebirds." Jin cooed, laughing when I covered my face with my hands. Too scared to look at Yoongi I stood up and swallowed down the rest of the beer. Fighting for my life to keep from looking at him, I stuck my tongue out at Jin and shook the emptied can, asked a question of redirection - "Where should I put this?" and he reached out to take it from me.

"I got it. How about you get another one and chill out, you're the guest after all." Jin raised an eyebrow at me before walking into the kitchen and I looked to Namjoon confused. A shaking of his head was the only reply he gave before walking me back to the couch. On the way, he gave Yoongi a poke with his foot but Yoongi didn't budge.

Instead, his grip crinkled and dented the beer can as he glared straight ahead.

It was luckily only a few minutes later that Hobi and Jin came out with the ramen for everyone. After dispersing bowls and new beers we all quieted down to eat, aside from little jabs being made here and there. Hums of appreciation for the food and burping competitions carried on while Yoongi stayed where he was.

Just to be clear here - it didn't bother me that he was doing his own thing, in fact, I admired it.

It bothered me though, that nobody had given him a new beer or a cushion to sit on. It couldn't be comfortable to sit like that for too long. Checking in on him felt so instinctual and impulsive, I couldn't help myself or recognize it as strange considering how little I knew him. I didn't even stop to question it. As quietly as I could, I walked over and placed a beer by his side, taking his empty and now mangled can back with me. I trekked into the kitchen and found the recycling, taking in the odd antiques hung around the walls, the different pictures and polaroid's stuck to the fridge. These weren't just roommates living together for financial reasons or to fulfill a contractual obligation. This was a family. One that I had never known or experienced before.

This thought lingered with me after settling back down but I still found myself glancing back at him within seconds. He was shifting back and forth on his knees trying to find a comfortable position.

Turning behind me, I grabbed a pillow and walked back over to him.

"Here." I held the pillow out and he turned to look at it. Yoongi paused for a moment, before nodding and taking it, placing it under himself and adjusting his position. His thank you was quiet and deep, and I tried to keep it in my mind, replaying it as I found my way back to the couch again.

When I got there, 6 smirking faces greeted me. I didn't even think about them noticing. Goddammit.

"Cute," Jimin said, "I can see why he wanted you here.".

I threw my hair over my shoulder and huffed indignantly, "I don't know what you mean in the slightest.". But the fight wasn't in me for long enough to contemplate what Jimin had said. Excited, new, nervous, scared - there was no kind of energy that could keep me awake any longer. And as soon as I sat back down on the couch between Jungkook and Tae, I started to fight to keep my eyes open. The sound of conversation and the coziness of the house lulled me to give into sleep. Muscles in my neck gave out and I dropped my head onto Jungkook's shoulder. My head felt too heavy to lift so I stayed there. And Jungkook didn't move away or flinch or tell me to move. He simply adjusted his shoulder to alleviate any strain on my neck.

This is nice, the thoughts floated through freely, I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I came.

"Ahem.". My eyes flickered open at Yoongi's fake coughing sound. He was standing up, grimacing at me with his hands pressed into his hoodie pockets.

"We should really get to bed now guys," He said, staring directly at the place my head was resting on Jungkook's shoulder. "C'mon.".

And with that he turned and walked away down the hallway.

I glanced around at the boys on the couch who were looking at me with raised eyebrows and poorly concealed smiles.

Okay, I guess he means he and I are going to bed now. Nervousness fluttered in my chest, dampened by sleepiness and the beers.

"Do you want me to help clean up or anything?" I fumbled both the question and while standing up. Rattling the cans on the table and steadying myself on Jungkook's shoulder. One of his hands reached out to grab my waist while I found my balance, earning a "what the hell dude" look and head jerk from Jin. He quickly dropped it and I pretended not to notice as I made my way around the table.

"You're the guest little lady, don't worry about it." As he said it, Jin shot a wink and finger gun at me. I winked and finger gunned back, thanking them all again and saying good night before turning to the dark hallway.

Exhaling as deeply as I could, I walked towards the open door to Yoongi's room. Straining my eyes in the dark, I took in the sight before me, watching it expand as my vision adjusted itself. More art covered the walls than in the living room, a guitar and keyboard were in the corner with an amp and loop pedal, chords swirling around each other on the ground. A mattress lay on the floor next to a big window, moonlight was shining through it and spilling onto the blanket, turning it a moody shade of blue.

Yoongi stood by the mattress, looking at the floor even in the darkness.

"Which side of the bed do you want?" He asked with an exasperated tone that would've gotten to me if it had done a better job masquerading his consideration for my comfort.

"Um, by the wall please." Was the only appropriate response I could manage to come up with. The one that didn't include all of the reasons why. I threaded my fingers together after getting out the words, the thought of sleeping next to him forming knots beneath my ribs.

He nodded, barely visible and quickly muttered, "Ok, go get washed up then get in bed. I'll go after you.".

He held out my backpack for me and I quickly grabbed it, turning towards the bathroom in a rush. I was grateful for the opportunity to go on autopilot. The moment to breathe and have space to myself. To process, even for just a bit, even for just a few minutes. As I stood there brushing my teeth, the person in the mirror didn't look like me. There was a pink flush on the cheeks, the hair was messy, strands tucked haphazardly and parting in an unfamiliar direction. Maybe it always parted that way and I just never noticed before.

Splashing cold water on my face, I looked at my reflection one last time.

She's whoever she wants to be, I thought before nodding to myself like it was some sort of affirmation.

The voices of the other boys zoomed in and then faded as I walked out of the bathroom back to Yoongi's room. He didn't say a word to me when I came in, just marched directly to the bathroom, leaving me standing alone in what felt like a sanctuary. This house alone felt like some special corner of the universe, a place where being yourself wasn't chastised or persecuted but celebrated and supported.

And Yoongi's room to me, felt equivalent to a secret garden within that special corner of the universe. A place where things were grown, cared for, nurtured. A space where things were created and loved. I must have been standing there longer than I realized because Yoongi came back in only to huff at me.

"Why aren't you in bed yet?" He asked it like I was an idiot.

I shook my head to clear it, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking..." I trailed off without finishing the thought and made my way into the bed. Facing the wall, I felt the weight of him laying down next to me and my heart skipped a beat. He tossed a heavy blanket over me and said a coarse goodnight before falling still.

I rolled over, realizing too late that he was closer than expected and my body hugged against his back. We both jumped before he scooted away from me. And I remember feeling grateful that he stayed turned that way in that moment, because I froze, staring at his back in the darkness. I was in awe I guess, that this beautiful person had let me into his special place in the world. That his friends had accepted me so genuinely. That all I had to do was ask and here I was.

His voice broke through the silence and I held my breath, clinging on to every word.

"I'm happy you're here.".

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