#i dunno. i want someone to genuinely like me

[cyanide-latte]

Honestly the most gratifying thing about my undercut that doesn't have to do with gender is that now I actually get genuine compliments on my hair.

I have naturally very curly hair. It is also very dark but has been steadily turning white since I was 15 (I'll be 35 in October.) I've had it long before, and most often in my life I've had it cut very short in a boyish style.

And my entire life, the comment I heard most was "is your hair naturally curly?" (always said with a dubious tone even when I was little, because I guess other 5-year-olds must have been getting perms) And it's usually always followed by "I wish I had hair like that, I'd kill for your hair" or some variation thereof.

I was told this was a compliment. As an autistic child who hated my curls for the longest time, this frustrated me. It never sounded like a compliment, it never felt like a compliment, and if they wanted my hair so bad, they ought to find a way to trade with me.

As I got older, into my late teens and early twenties, I made peace with the curls, even though I still got those same "compliments". But since I'd been getting increasingly white hair since age 15, they were now accompanied by people criticizing my "highlight job" and my choice to "mix in blonde". Looking people square in the eyes and saying "I don't have highlights, my hair's just been going white since I was 15" usually got semi-gratifying results when people backpedaled like hell, but a lot of them also would then criticize me for not dying the white to hide it.

I was constantly trying to alter my style for my hair my entire life and I don't even like styling my hair, but it caused me no end of upset to hear these things. I figured I was always doomed to be miserable about my hair. My body is already sensitive as hell to so many things I can only use specific products on my hair safely, but it hurt that my mother and grandmother tried so hard to help me understand people did like my hair, when the comments I heard sounded like criticism and an insinuation that other people deserved my hair.

And then 2020's COVID lockdown meant I couldn't get my summer cut to shorten my hair so I wouldn't overheat. At least, the person I usually went to couldn't do my hair.

So between desperation to find a way to keep all the weight of thick, heat-trapping dark curls off my neck and shoulders, and the desire to try something new as a subtle means of better expressing my gender, I decided to try an undercut. My partner and I looked up photos for reference, used an electric razor that was typically reserved for his hair, and decided what to do. Several layers underneath in the back would have to be shaved off completely (more than we initially anticipated, believe it or not,) and I wanted the shave to come around my left side. Just shave the left half of my head, because for some reason heat would constantly get trapped there as well as at the back of my neck. (Dunno why that didn't happen the same way with my right side, but hey, we've established I'm pretty odd.)

It was a relief, both physically and in terms of gender euphoria when I looked in the mirror and heard my partner's loving exclamation of "oh! there you are!" And it was also a relief when my mother and grandmother loved my new hair, especially when my grandmother said "that suits you best of all. You should always keep your hair that way." (Grandma passed in February of this year, and she never wavered in her love of my new hairstyle.)

But then, it started happening. Not just with family, friends and coworkers, but random strangers, at least once a week, often more than once a week. Someone would come up to me and say "I LOVE your hair! It's so cool!" I'd never heard that before.

I have quickly learned an added benefit of the undercut is that, with the left side of my head being shaved, it's incredibly easy for people to realize that my hair IS naturally curly, and to see my white pattern where my hair is growing back in on that side. And I've gotten compliments on that too! Both people talking about how dynamic my curls make the undercut, and several others telling me that my white pattern is beautiful and they hope I never think to dye it.

It's slowed down a bit since then but it still happens every couple of weeks. A little while ago at work, a regular [teen] patient came in with her mom, who approached me to ask about my undercut because she (the mom) has been hesitant to let her child try an undercut, but on seeing my hair, she changed her mind and wanted to know about my experience. Said kid still doesn't have an undercut yet, but they've been changing up their hair and presenting more queer in their dress, and they've started shyly waving to me when they see me. And yesterday, during grocery shopping, as I was waiting for my partner to get back from grabbing something, an older lady slowed down, came over to me, and just said "Excuse me, pardon me, you just have the most beautiful hair. That style is so striking, and your curls are wonderful with it. That's all. I just wanted to tell you you have gorgeous hair" and then she left.

It's so strange how that impulsive choice to take a shot on a new style not only became something I love for me and my personal expression of self, but is the thing that finally, truly has brought me compliments on my hair for the first time in my life. Real compliments that make me feel good.

So I guess what I'm saying in this overly long ramble is 1: I'm forever grateful this has happened and is happening to me, 2: for anyone struggling with similar, this is a reassurance that things can and will get better, 3: change can be terrifying but this is a very good example of a drastic change that wasn't going to have harmful repercussions for me personally, and the fact it turned out so well is both a confidence- and courage-booster. It's worth taking a shot on, because so far it's brought me nothing but joy. Sure, it requires frequent maintenance to keep up with the shaving part because my hair grows fast, but it's a small price to pay for a cooler head (in more than one sense!) and the positive interactions that have resulted.

[bulbabutt]

so me n sibling finished rise rewatch with all the newfound turtle lore after our big tmnt media binge......... many feelings i wanna get out

firstable........ how anyone watched this show and didnt think those were the ninja turtles in purest form i will never understand. like you cannot deny any of these characters being the same characters but with new roles to fill. raph is the protector. mikey is the heart. leo is the strategist. donnie is the brain. it just created a new dynamic, but never strayed very far from what came before

second....... take the ninja turtles and just hammer home a story about generational trauma and healing from it, giving them strength from how much they love and trust each other.... you break my heart wide open i am crying

to me they are the best amalgamation of all the turtles who came before them like: silly and sweet like 87, they have this close familial understanding unconditional love like 03, and this overarching story of bringing a family back together like 12

started this watch of all turtle media because rise on its own felt so good, but having gone back and seen all the other pieces i was missing makes me appreciate what it was doing more, because i felt every other series and movie in this one in spirit, but with the ideals of the modern cartoon saying: hey kids, its okay to ask for help, youre not alone, your feelings matter, and the people around you should support you

and on top of that, obviously the most visually stunning version to date, utilizing years of lessons learned from western cartoons and anime, meshing together in breathtaking action, but also having the most hilariously snappy comedic animation that uses what seem like cheap movements of a frame to make every line of dialogue all the more hysterical, and having these very expressive characters be able to be very subtle in the touching emotional moments.

i genuinely love this show so much and i feel really stupid for not having watched it sooner, and the fact it is the shortest of all the shows that never got the chance to finish its story makes me so sad. but at least what story it did get to tell was beautiful.

[scattered-winter]

sometimes i see a post and its like. hm. you actually care very little about the story or characters or plot at all bc all you want is for the token male twinks to kiss.

[kavehater]

AAAH I have a mutual who’s 18 and he sorta kinda is flirting with this one guy who is a minor as a joke of course ( to which a concerned anon said that it’s weird ) but I can’t help but flashback to er*s

[isdalinarhot]

whats the point of me doing anything if all its going to get is people laughing at me

[positivelyapunovexponent-good]

it would be really cool if I could have a day this month where I wasn’t so chronically afraid it felt like my intestines were twisted into a möbius strip. Because ya’know- I really like my digestive tract being an orientable manifold. If that’s all the same to the universe.

[caracello]

i thinkkk. that cypher when given the chance would actually be very indulgent. idk i have nothing really to base this off of but to me he feels like someone that would want to spoil a partner. i don't think he gets the chance to do nice things for people very often.

[nerdyqueerr]

The absolute MISERY of wanting to be Explicitly Nice to someone but not knowing if itll Make It Weird. I hate emotional vulnerability i hate direct communication i want to telepathically transmit affection to random people and never speak a word of my feelings.

[purring-tiefling]

fuck my ex friend frfr

[miengsol]

i was thinking about if calum were to get with anyone romantically, it would have to be with someone who is just as messy as he is aka someone who has problems(tm) and can’t work through them alone. 

like of course, there are plenty of people who have more or less worked through their shit or is currently on that healing journey and have acknowledged that and he would admire those individuals. and i’m not saying he needs someone to save either in order to fall in love with them.

what i’m saying is that in order for calum to really let down his guard, he needs to feel a sense of genuine empathy from someone who is or has been in that same dark place. preferably someone who probably still is still figuring out how to get out of that place.

because if calum were to talk about the aftermath of mana’s passing and the effect it has had on both him and erza, he’s not looking advice and he’s definitely not looking for validation either. if he talks about it, shares his ugly side with, that is a form of intimacy in that he letting you know he is not a perfect person, he is flawed and ultimately, that he is human before he is anything else.

and when this comes out, it has to be on his terms, has to be when he feels most comfortable and that might take a lot of time... 

so whoever hears this, if they are the right person for him, they would understand where he is coming from or even more recognizes a part of themselves in that. and ideally, they would listen, let him know that while he has done wrong, that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a good person, and really just?? have a conversation about it, no forced validation or advice necessary. basically if they’re themselves that’s all he needs them to be.

so this is the reason calum could never get with a therapist because that would just make him uncomfortable and he’d feel pressured to reveal things about himself that make him feel...vulnerable. either that or someone who is public about their trauma(s) bc he?? is the exact opposite of that.

[cabin-fever-collective]

sources are a weird ass thing im definitely canon compliant. very compliant. to the point ive scared some of our friends by acting accurate to shit we havent witnessed in source yet. but god damn being a fictive of a very well known fandom is so goddamn surreal. when i first showed up here- in our brain, in this world or whatever the hell you wanna call it- i was greeted with strangers saying hi, greeting me like an old friend. people i didnt know knew my name and things about me that i wasnt even sure of. made jokes about parts of my life that i didnt know anyone knew about. it fuckin threw me off. it still throws me off. people know me when i show my face. people talk to me familiarly or bring up my source. dont get me wrong its pretty sweet, if i hated it id just change my name or some shit. if i gave enough of a shit id hide who i am. but its a little surreal. by this point im so used to the expectation of people knowin me that it confuses me when they dont. and thats fucking weird isnt it. imagine walkin into some group of people and opening your mouth and everyone just goes 'oh hey dude'. youre sitting here racking your brain trying to find out where youve met all these people. how you couldve plausibly met all these people as they include you in the chat and you come up with nothin. you dont know em. but they know you. intricately. its damn weird. feels kinda like a pressure to be me. which isnt a bad thing i dont hate bein me, but. there are parts of me i know arent what they want of me. theres this underlying knowledge that theyre makin assumptions about me because of who i am and what they know. its like i can feel the cogs in their brain grease up and fire off with the knowledge we both know in our head. that youre expectin something of me and i know that aint me. im compliant but im not perfect. as fun as it is to have a well known source it also feels kinda fucked up. people expect a lot outta me and im just me. ill never stop bein just *me*. whether thats compliant or not isnt my problem, but i can *feel* the expectations and assumptions about me and my life. the jokes shot off by strangers. the comments about material i know about but man thats me. im just me. nothing more nothing less. im just a guy. a kid doin his best out here. i dont know how i feel about being 'famous'.

[mx-mehri]

uughhhhhhhhh

[eevyerndracaneon]

Hrrrnggg food struggles are hard and stupid and I hate them

[sweetnans]

"You are pretty annoying"

"Did you just call me pretty?"

You are delusional if you think that your boyfriend Bakugo would ever hold his thoughts about you, even if they're bad.

You've been in this weird relationship for years where you yap his ear off, and he teases in return. Your friends find it amusing, actually.

Your relationship with him didn't begin in the best terms. In fact, he found you annoying and overly friendly for his liking.

You always found a way to enter in people's lives without being nosy, it wasn't the typical psychology complex when people try so hard to be involve in everyone's lives just because they need to find a solution to help themselves feel good. You genuinely cared about others, and these others found you easy to talk to.

Among other people, you were one of the most popular girls in UA. With your big smile and obnoxious laugh, Bakugo thought you were fake. Always laughing at shitty hair bad jokes, and cluelessly chatting with that monoma prick like he wasn't messing with you to rile you up (which apparently never worked)

One day, he saw you from afar and pretended to walk the other way to not run to your face.

"Hey, Bakugo!" You exclaimed running after him.

He cursed lowly, and his shoulders tensed a little bit.

"Hey"

He didn't want to talk to anyone. It wasn't personal this time.

"What's with that face? You look like Deku said something"

Your statement felt like you left your words hanging, like you were missing some important complement.

Something like...what?

"Huh? What do you mean?" He squinted his eyes at you, finally stopping in his tracks.

"I dunno," you shrugged, losing your characteristics smile. "You always put that face when Deku opens his mouth. It doesn't matter what he says. You always end up like that"

Deku, in fact, said something, but that wasn't the point. The main point was you reading him so well to the end that he'd never said anything to you, but you still knew what happened to him.

That day, he started paying attention to you, too, and he changed his mind about you being fake.

After months of getting to know each other, you two formed something very unique and cliché at the same time. The famous grumpy x sunshine thrope characterized by the angry pomeranian and the chatty girl that everyone liked. The unique part was Bakugo actually getting involved with someone else.

In the present, he still resents, but admires, the way you always develop in big groups, how every room seems to light up the moment you walk in, and of course, how you read him to perfection.

You two have been laying on his bed for the entire noon, and you've been trying for half an hour to make him talk about his friendship with Deku, now that he openly accepted that he is his friend, You've been pushing the man to tell you how he really feels about apologizing and getting him back after chasing him when Deku thought that it was for the best move away.

"For fucks sake, can you stop?" He tells you grabbing your hips and tickling the skin under your shirt.

"I'm just trying to coaxe you to tell me what you really feel. You know it's not healthy for your mind and body to keep your emotions bottled. You are a person, not a ticking bomb waiting to explode. " You try carresing his neck with your fingerpads.

He looks at you from his side of his bed, and his brows get knitted while his nose scrunch a little.

"What?" You ask at his demeanor.

"You are pretty annoying," he says with a gruff voice, moving one of his hands from your hip to the back of your head, entangling his fingers with your hair.

Your smile widens.

"Did you just call me pretty?"

Now you are showing your full smile, teeth, dimples, and all, the whole package. He can't help it. The butterflies erupt in the pit of his stomach, and the tip of his ears turns in a pink hue.

"Dumbass," he said, rolling his eyes and flicking your forehead.

God, getting to know you was the best that ever happened to him.

[fridgevespidae]

man. ppl who hate ppl using tone indicators bum me out!

[void-tiger]

I think I kinda like you. But I care more about watching you grow. And I can be patient. (I can grow myself in the meantime. Maybe we’ll meet halfway. Maybe we’ll only observe eachother’s growth in parallel. Maybe that’s for the best. But that’s okay.)