#i wasnt supposed to drink today anyway

[isdalinarhot]

whats the point of me doing anything if all its going to get is people laughing at me

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hey! I feel like Ive been at this for a goddamn eternity so in an attempt to speed things up I shall read 3 chapters today, how exciting. Im motivating myself by telling me that Im gonna get to watch the 2007 Takarazuka Snow Troupe Production of Elisabeth when Im done, specifically my favorite song because. okay so, when I talk about watching any Takarazuka production of Elisabeth what I actually mean is, I have pretty much all the proshots and a bunch of english subtitle files, but theres not a subtitle file for every existing proshot, so for example, theres a subtitle file for the 1996 Star Troupe Production but not the 1996 Snow Troupe Production which isnt a big deal since the diaogue and lyrics are all the same, but you cant just put the Star subtitle file over the Snow video because itll be completely out of sync, so what I do is, I put the Star subtitles into my subtitle editor with the Snow video and I manually re-sync every line to create Snow subtitles, and while I do that Im effectively just watching my favorite musical over and over again except very slowly. So yeah, in case you were wondering what your favorite acotar complainer does for fun, now you know

Anyway, enough of my life, now its time for my liveblog, last time Feyre and Rhysand got ambushed by some of Hyberns soldiers and Rhys got shot atleast 7 times and kidnapped and tortured, but Feyre was fine and she saved him and she pulled all the arrows out of him and now hes probably gonna be perfectly fine. I know this isnt gonna affect him in any meaningful way, like his wings are gonna bd fine and his back isnt gonna hurt, but I do hope that he atleast suffers for the duration of the 3 chapters im gonna read because otherwise whats the point

Chapter 50

Rhysands wounds are only healing very slowly and hes got a fever, we're off to a good start

idk why but I really hate Feyre kissing him on the forehead. the narrative has not earned such a tender gesture

THE SURIEL 🎉🎉

Oh, i hadnt noticed this before but I like the alliteration we get with the german translation of Feyre Cursebreaker, Feyre Fluchbrecher. 10/10 very fun to say

its been ONE year since Feyre first came to Prythian, Sarah im begging you, please stop pointing out the passage of time youre activel making it harder for me to get invested in this stupid romange

They translate 'Mate' as 'Seelengefährte' ['Soulmate'] and oh, you have no idea how happy I am about that, this and the fact that they dont say male and female but just man and woman/masculine and feminine makes this series about a million times better, once again, thank you Alexandra Ernst

I dont understand why Feyre being Rhysands mate is such a big deal anyway, she didnt grow up in this culture, and pretty much all she has at this point is Tamlin's vague explanation of it being a bond that goes beyond marriage and the fact that his and Rhysand's parents, both infamously horrible couples, were mates

'"He is the most powerful High Lord to have ever walked the earth. You are... new. You were created by all seven High Lords. Different than anything that existed before you. Does that not make you the same? Equal?"' ewww i hate that. If this is supposed to be romantic somehow why would you make it all about power, why wouldnt the Suriel say smth like "You both suffered in the same ways. He is the is the only one to ever truly understand you"

But also. Rhysand and Feyre are not even the same though ? Like yeah, Rhys is powerful, but wasnt Feyre special because shes capital-m Made, which he is not? If the logic behind mates is the two people being 'the same' in some way, then Feyre should really be Amren's mate methinks

Im not gonna lie, Feyre angrily forcing Rhys to drink her blood is pretty hot

'Deep down I hated myself for speaking to him like this.' No girl dont hate yourself, this is the first time in over 600 pages Ive found the feysand dynamic even remotely compelling

'I stared at him, this Illyrian half-blood whose soul was bound to mine.' what the hell? Top Ten Feyre Archeron Racist Moments

This mf really told his cousin and his weird freaky eldritch creatures whose apartment he pays for that he and Feyre are mates before he told Feyre

I just zoned out thinking about a version of Feysand where Feyre is basically constantly telling Rhys stuff like 'youre just a burden' or whatever she said during that one argument because shes starting to figure out his weak spots the more time she spends with him and she wants to like, break him emotionally as revenge for UTM and Rhysand doesnt do anything about it because he just represses all his emotions and he cant just stop spending time with her because theyre mates and he feels like he needs to be close to her all the time. Idk, abusive relationships have been my favorite angst fanfic premise lately

Its so wild how Feyre is super angry with Rhys for keeping the mating bond from her when literally everyone else already knew and not only is he gonna do the exact same thing with the baby in acosf, Feyre is just gonna be fine with it then even though its arguably much much worse

Chapter 51

Okay so I guess Cassian, Azriel and Mor have just been hanging out in Rhysand's warcamp house, do they not have anything better to do

god i wish being all pathetic laying in the dirt was Rhysand's default state instead of him always being the manliest man to ever man

Oh, so I guess Mor used to get locked up in this cabin in the middle of nowhere whenever she 'misbehaved'. you would think she'd have more sympathy for Nesta in acosf but from everything ive seen.....

this chapter was extremely short

I completely forgot that this book was split into parts, i guess its The House of Mist time now

Chapter 52

god the anachronistic clothing in this series is gonna be the death of me, why is feyre always wearing leggings and a cremecolored swester istg

Full offense, but if the mating bond is soooooo much stronger than marriage, Rhysand should not have been earnestly worried about Feylin getting married

This part where Feyre is relieved because it turned out that her relationship with Tamlin was always doomed to fail because she had a soulmate is pretty interesting, but it also feels like complete bullshit for reasons that Im struggling to articulate

I would just like to reiterate that I am so relieved that they just call it soulmates in the german version, I cannot imagine how insufferable this must be to read in english

Feyre started painting again hoorayyyyyyy. i feel like this wouldve been more impactful if she wasnt constantly thinking about wanting to paint whatever she sees, but hey

I actually think this part where Mor comes in and just goes around complimenting all the stuff Feyre painted everywhere is quite nice, I think i would enjoy it more if this whole story wasnt pissing me off rn

waiiiiiit ive never seen people talk about Mor's mother even though shes apparently alive and well, whats their relationship? Whats her role at the CoN if Mor is supposed to be the queen of the Hewn City??

Mor being like "Rhysand gave me his permission to kill my abusers but I dont do it even though I have pretty much no reason not to, but Cassian and Azriel really want to do it and would do it without hesitation so maybe I'll let them do it" is somehow a perfect summary of SJM's shallow wannabe feminism

Feyre still barely understands the relationships between individual members of the inner circle but sure, theyre the family she never had

[jonesy-squish]

a mini pam x marnie thing ig,its kinda ship like,thats the intent anyway :3 it's kinda leading up to that i suppose

idk if im gonna continue this but we'll see i hope you enjoy reading

Also this is not proofread and i just came up with this stuff on the spot :3 And towards then end i didnt want to continue writing so forgive me if its bad

It was nearing winter and already quite cold, merely stepping outside would send a chill deep into your bones. The leaves quickly going from the warm and pleasent colors of orange,yellow,and red to the sickly browns and greys. There was no mistake, winter was indeed coming. Amidst the cold fall night,the stardrop saloon was open as it usually was. Sitting at the corner of the counter sat Pam, she was a usual,nearly every other day at this point. Life wasn't particulary easy for Pam,hasnt been for a few years now,not usually anyway.She never really had people to depend on,so she depending on her drinking.It helped her,or so she thought.It could only numb her for so long.

Aburptly,interrupting the warm enviorment of the saloon,and momentarily distracting the patrons from their drinking or whatever they could be doing, a strong gust of freezing winds blew into the saloon,someone had opened the door. Glancing towards the door,Pam noticed that the new neighbor was the one who walked in.Marnie,she thought her name was.No more than a minute later the lady plopped down on the stool catty-corner to her's.Pam exhales,and softly smiled.It was realitivly subtle.

Then the lady spoke, her eyes gleaming with curiousity of the women adjacent to her."Hey,uh,my name's,Marnie.What about you?",she has the air that she was tired,it lingered in her voice. "Name's Pamela,but you can just call me,Pam,why don't'cha?" Pam chuckled slightly, looking back down at her drink when she finished speaking.

"You're a pretty gal.What're you wastin' your time talkin' to someone like me for?"

"You seem interesting.And frankly I needed to talk to someone.It's been a long day,that's for sure..."

Marnie paused.

"Did you just call me pretty?" Her faced flushed slightly,leaving a slight pink tint.She wasnt used to receiving compliments like this.

"Sure did.And I meant it."

"Well,thank you.I really appreciate it."

"No problem,doll."

It was silent for a moment.

"So,you just moved into the abandoned farmhouse out in the woods,yeah?"

"Yep.Me and my godson were busting ass today to get everything in the house.I did not want to spend another day doing that.Especially with how cold its getting."

"Yeah,yeah.I totally get that.I would hate working in the cold like that.And uh,godson?"

"Yeah,yeah,godson.He lives with me.His name's Shane..."

"Something happen to his parents or something?"

Marnie took a deep breath now looking away slightly.She gulped,twiddling her thumbs.This wasnt easy for her.

Pam put her hand on Marnies shoulder,and she looked into her eyes. "Hey,you dont have to talk about it if you dont want.I get it."

"....Thanks.."

"Its no problem."

It was silent between the two for another minute or so.Before Pam decided to break the pause. "So,what'd you like to drink?It's my treat."Pam couldnt afford it,her back account was already nearing dry do to her habits already,and now she has a tab.She shouldnt be doing this,but here she is.

"Uh-...Are you sure?"

"Im as sure as the world is flat." She chuckled.It was difficult to tell if that was a joke or not.

Marnie chortled,snorting a little bit. "Well if you're sure,I'd like a beer."

"I like you're style,Dollface!" *She smiled.

"Gus,would you be a fine gentleman and get this fine lady a beer?"She nods her head towards Marnie."And if you'd be so inclined to get me one as well?"

"Two beers coming right up!"

No less and no more than two minutes later,two beers were slid over the counter.Pam nodded to show thanks before both she and Marnie took a large gulp of their drinks.

"So,Marnie,how old is he?-Shane,I mean."

"He's 19.Why do you ask?"

"Ah ,well I was gonna say we could have Shane and my daughter,Penny be friends but Shane's a decent bit older."

"How old's your daughter?"

"She just turned 3 back i the begining of fall.She's a sweet little thing I can tell you."

"I can imagine.I remember when,Shane was that small.He was just te sweetest little thing.Though always a bit grumpy." She chuckles.

The conversation once again dulled before a question came to Marnie's mind.

"Speaking of your daughter,where is she?"

"She's at her friends house.I got Jodi to watch her.Im sure you've met Jodi already ,yeah?"

"Yeah,I have.She's nice."

"I guess so."

"Soooo,what do you do for work?"

"I'm a bus driver.I drive the bus from the valley to calico desert.Not very good pay though,I'll tell you that much." She chuckles. "You planin' to use that farmhouse as intended or do you plan to do somethin' else with is?"

"Yeah,i plan to use it as intended.I wanted to run my own ranch since I was young."She smiles.

"Since you were young,eh?Something inspire you?"

"I grew up on the cattle ranch my parents owned.That's what sparked the passion."

"Quite the interesting person you are."

"Oh you flatter me." She smiles,softly,her eyes softening as she looks at Pam. "Im sure you're quite the interesting one too.You look like you have stories to tell."

"Damn right I do." She smiles.

Despite Pam's slightly arrogant sounding response,she was flattered,and her face flushed at it,though its difficult to tell if thats from the alchohol or from something else.

It was getting late now,and Gus was tiding up,people were standing up and exiting the saloon.

"Aw damn.I was really enjoying talking to you.." Marnie sounds mildly upset,and longing to continue talking.She put her hand ontop of Pam's before Pam stood up

She blushes "We can do this again sometimes,yeah?I enjoyed talking to you."

"Can we do this again tommorrow?.."

"Yeah,I'll stop by your place before I go to work,we can talk then.Sound good,Doll?"

She nods. "Mhm.It does.."

[bonesandthebees]

Ider if i told u but i got my wisdom teeth removed today and that shit was the worst experience of my life ohmygod

The actual procedure went okay, though like i took an anti anxiety med that was supposed to knock me out but i was Fully Conscious LMFAO AND SO I ASKED THEM TO GIVE ME THE OTHER ONE BUT THEY WERE LIKE "naur bro ur fine" BC I WSNT FREAKING OUT A TON DJFKGKF WHICH I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR (tho it turned out to be a good thing bc those meds ended up making me . Hashtag emetophobia tw ifykwim)

BUT YEAH THE RECOVERY PROCESS WAS SHITTTT THEY TOLD ME I COULD TAKE OUT THE GAUZE IN 2 HRS AND SLEEP BC I WAS VERY TIRED BUT NOOOO IT WOUKDNT HEALLL FOR A WHOLE SIX ASS HOURS

Ahem sorry for yelling i was just very . Upset bc i wanted to sleep or even just drink fucking water man

BUT I DIDDD EVENTUALLY I DIDD WE REJOICEEE i think there was still a little bit of blood but i couldnt taste it anymore and i was really thirsty so shfkfkf and food (literally just broth lmao) made me feel a lot better so that's good

But yeah . -1100000 experience i would literally never recommend it (unless u have to, also from who I've talked to almost everyone else has had a better experience than me so if u are scared, do not worry king it won't be that bad. And even if it is like me, im here!! And alive!! And the nausea wasnt that bad, it kinda just came and went. Much better than migraines bro fr, migraines suck BALLS)

Like everyone kept telling me to watch a movie but that was stressing me out so what i ended up doing wss putting on a podfic (passerine podcast on yt woot woot, i listened to change fate by sircantus) and man it's actually wild how much it helped me. It helped calm my anxiety AND distract me from the pain. Once i did that existing felt less like suffering and more like an annoyance ahahah

OUGH I DIDNT EVEN GET ANY SILLY GOOFY MOMENTS EITHER BC I WASNT LOOPY AT ALL JUST TIRED DHFJFK

Anyways ty for letting me get that out of my system LMAOO

oh man this sounds literally horrible I'm so sorry icy 😭 that sucks that you weren't able to knock out even a little bit but at least the procedure itself wasn't horrible

god that sounds terrible though just sitting there for 6 hours waiting to be able to take the gauze out. that's so strange that it took so long. but at least you were able to listen to passerine podcast that's nice!!

everyone I know whose gotten their wisdom teeth removed had a better experience than this I am so sorry you got so unlucky.

I'm very grateful that I'm never gonna have to get my wisdom teeth removed. I had soooo much horribly painful dental work done to my mouth throughout my entire teen years that I now genuinely get bad anxiety anytime I'm in a dentist office even if I'm not there for myself, I straight up was getting anxious when I took my grandma there for a cleaning the other day 😭 and I keep putting off a recommended (minor) procedure bc of this anxiety it's badddd

I hope you're feeling better now though!!

[iwannabeastarstarrockmann]

day one of *unknown amount of time water fast :)

I'm trying for a really long fast, so I find I stick to it better if I pretend as if there is no end goal. trying to trick my brain into thinking its short term, I guess.

I didn't sleep at all, I was too busy reading comics all night and morning to distract from my cravings and then I decided to actually get out of bed and was immediately going for the milk to put in my tea because my mom was talking to me about something and I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing and then she mentioned something along the lines of humans are disgusting, and it sadly triggered my ed brain, as if to say, disgusting?? not me though, right? I don't want to be disgusting!

so anyway, I put the milk back and have decided to start my fast :)

if you've gotten this far, do you have a favorite tea flavor?? I'm pretty basic with tea, my all-time favorite is earl grey black tea by full circle market! idk why but we always carry a variety of fun teas and I always go for that one lol. I've tried some other brands of earl grey as well, but they just don't seem to cut it. and I swear the amount of caffeine that's in black tea far out ways all the other caffeinated teas. I used to drink coffee religiously but somehow after covid my tolerance for caffeine has become nonexistent :(

oh, also fun lil fact about me is that I tend to put cinnamon in nearly everything I consume lol. can you overdose on cinnamon? Jesus I hope not, I especially love it in tea but idk if that would somehow break my fast so I'm doing without it for now. as I write out my worries, I see how non sensical my brain can be sometimes :}

unrelated but why is it that every little thing that comes out of my moms mouth just get under my skin so easily?? for once she wasnt putting me down, but even so she was still in a really negative space and was just briefly mentioning how animals deserve more than humans as humans are disgusting and selfish and animals are innocent and pure. thats fine to think that way i suppose as it doesnt really harm anyone but shes been prioritizing strays over her own kids my whole life and so of course i have some sort of resentment towards the subject. i just feel the need to protect my own kind over another and she feels very differently i guess, yet other times will preach the complete opposite and it makes me question what she would do in an emergency situation.

idk this is all so fucking dumb, maybe i just want to pick any old fight for the sake of it rather than caring about the subject at hand, it all sounds so stupid and unimportant but my whole life she made sure i knew that i ruined her life for being alive but her dog has saved her life just by existing. why didnt i get out of this sooner? no one tells you there is more help available when you are a kid, and now that im not, i feel far more helpless than i did before. no one tells you it will be this way. how could they though? its all too heavy.

*excuse my poor punctuation and capitalization if you are reading this, im too tired to correct it all lol

current mood: cringeworthy doom and gloom type vibe so far today

[rebelyelling]

More things ive heard as a bartender at a dive bar

——

P1: Goats are similar to sheep

P2: goats are similar to sheep *to me* do you hear this nonsense?

P1: like a goat in sheeps clothing

——

P1: what if i turn my shirt inside out, put on some boody shorts and called myself the bartender

Me: if you do that, ill buy your first drink

Other bartender: ill buy your second one

P2: ill buy your whole tab after that

P1: No!

——

Owner: what if i bring the speedos by

P: wait, speedos? Can i have one?

O: theyre ‘merica theme

P: even better

——

P: girl, you need some deoderant. You stink

Me: i wasnt supposed to work today. Im in my pjs, youre lucky i wore a bra, im in birkenstocks!

P: oh. Well youre hair smells good

——

P1: if i bring in a blender can i get a smoothie?

Me: sure if you bring your own blender

P2: byob nice

P1: will it only be for my use?

Me: yeah

——

P: oh im annoying today

——

P1: i was called a helicopter today

P2: well you are pretty choppy

——

P: i’ll take a corona

Me: one corona, would you like a lime?

P: nevermind i’ll take a coors light with lime and salt

Me: a coors light?

P: yeah i didnt like how you said corona

Me: *laughing* sorry i cant roll my r’s correctly

——

Me: i have a grapefruit high noon for you

P: i hate grapefruit

Me: no, this ones your favorite

P: i dont think so [other bartender] said it was my least favorite

Me: take the damn grapefruit

*later*

P: you were right. Grapefruit was my favorite

Me: i know you [patron name]

——

P1: thanks [my nickname]

P2: *to me* people call you that? Cause i started that!

*context my nickname is a common one for my full name like Robert-Bob common*

Me: she knew me before i was me

P1: i knew here when she was this high

——

Other bartender: did you lose a nail?

Me: yeah why?

OB: cause i picked up a coffin shapped nail and youre the only one with coffin

——

Owner: i almost broke a nail in the walk-in

Me: if you moved the beer boxes theyre is a graveyard of my nails

——

P: i feel like hot mess express just rolled in. But i was here first!

——

Me: i need a tall man, one taller than me at least

P1: *stands* im the perfect man for the job

Me: good follow me

P2: hey! Keep your hands off my daughter!

P1: flips p2 off and slams the walk-in door closed

P2: *opens door* no funny business

Me: well if you didnt drink all the keystone i wouldnt need his help

——

P: remember the time i told you you stunk?

Me: when i was in my pjs and didnt even have underwear on?

P: you wernt wearing underwear?!

Me: what part of wasnt supposed to be working are you not getting

——

Me: apparently we are out of soda water

Owner: what? We have CO2 right?

Me: yep

O: then what?

Me: my water tipper just told me that she was told we were out of soda water. I told her that was impossible unless we were out of CO2

O: oh my god

——

O: can you get me a soda?

Me: not with you yelling at me like that

O: man that [nickname of hers] is a bitch

——

P: im a grown up, with a grown up job now

——

P: i came in when you wernt working and the bartender ided me

Me: cool

P: except i didnt have my id and i really wanted to say that i knew the owner but it wasnt you so id seem like an ass if i had done that

Me: would have been funny though “i’m [owner]’s gun guy. Call [me] she knows who i am]

P: knowing you, you’d tell them you didnt know me

Me: absolutely i would have

——

P1: whats the best tip youve gotten?

Me: pancakes

P2: pancakes?

Me: yeah had a guy doordash me a whole pancake spread

P1: that sounds awesome

Me: it was

——

P: told the girl outside that it would grow hair on her chest

Me: huh?

P: oh, i gave my drink to the new girl

Me: [name]?

P: no the new girl, whats her name [name]? Anyway i gave my drink to her told her it would grow hair on her chest and to keep the cherries in it. She dumped the cherries out. Toodles

——

*patron walks in i hold up two fingers. She holds up two fingers*

P1: man sign language goes hard in this bar

P2: she knows what i want

——

Many many more to come

[suki-manuki]

all my years of rebelling against my ridiculously strict parents have been starting to pay off as of late and it’s incredibly gratifying

like i was at a gig in dublin this week, and i was meant to get a bus down to cork, where i live but i met one of my friends who i fuck from time to time and decided id go home with them instead so i texted my dad saying actually i wasnt coming back to cork and his reaction was “ok talk tomorrow”

like he wasn’t incredibly pleased but half a year ago if i had done that i would have got my head ripped from my shoulders

the only downside is my younger siblings have been cosplaying as disappointed parents so now i have two sets of disappointed parents

not what you want

do they not realise im paving the way for them? does my sister not realise that the only reason that at the grand old age of 16 she is allowed stay late at her parties where there is copious amounts of drinking is because i fought to even be allowed stay till 22:00?

does my brother not realise the only reason he is allowed social media on his phone because when i was 14 i kept downloading snapchat on my phone despite the fact my mum would take my phone off me for months at a time every time she found it?

i am so glad that they dont have to struggle to have basic socialisation but i hate the fact that i have fought these fights for me and for them and yet they meet me with

“stop disrespecting dad”

“i dont think you should have done that”

“i think you should have asked first”

“why did you lie to them”

im not disrespecting him he’s being unreasonable and i’m done with letting that slide

its my body and if i want a piercing so god help me im going to get a piercing, my mum can tear it out of me if she has an issue with it

if i asked for everything ive wanted or wanted to do i wouldn’t have half the freedom i do now, its better to ask for forgiveness than permission especially if you know the answer will be a resounding no

lying has kept me safe and sane over the years, i’m glad that you can stay honest and not get shouted at but that was not the case for me at all

my house is not a calm place, its not somewhere where quite rational discussions are had, its a house of arguments and shouting and stress, its a house of bared teeth that threatens isolation if you step out of line, but it is a lot better than it used to be

so like a bit of respect on my name puh-lease

but anyway it felt really good to just say oh yeah im not making that three hour bus journey today and then to lie about why i decided to stay up the country

like they know my friends there but i couldn’t let them know that i was only staying up to see one of them, i would be murdered

this was mainly for myself so if anyone sees this and moreso if you have fead this far thanks i suppose? now you know me a little bit better than you did earlier and you know me a bit better than some of my friends

here’s a picture from the gig that i liked :)

[pesterloglog]

Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 5815-5819

GG: Is everything ok?

TG: yeah he just wanted to make sure i dont hate him like yall do which you dont even

GG: I... see.

TG: so im just talking to him a bit to help him not feel bad

TG: sorry

GG: That's ok.

GG: You were saying?

TG: i was gonna say why i finally quit drinkin

TG: i mean if you want to know

GG: Yes.

GG: Actually, once you did stop, it made me finally realize it was a problem for you for a long time.

GG: And I didn't say anything at the time, but it made me wonder if I wasn't doing the right thing before.

GG: By failing to point out you might have a problem? Or just going along with it and participating in lively banter any time you clearly had too much to drink?

GG: Was I just being a bad friend?

TG: nah it wasnt your responsibility to fix my shit

TG: and anyway i think i made it hard for anyone to come at me like it was a real problem

TG: i was always joking around so much and havin a good time like kind of overzealously so

TG: that i probably just made people feel like a shitty wet blanket for even mentioning it

GG: How long do you think it's been a problem?

TG: i dont know its hard to say exactly when i started getting real carried away

TG: just at some point i discovered a load of my moms centurys old booze in the house

TG: and i didnt have much to relate to her by except her books

TG: so i felt like drinking was a way to be more like her

TG: or be closer to her kinda

TG: and there was nobody around except the silly chess people

TG: who in a way just made me feel more alone

TG: cause they reminded me i was only one of two humans left and the other was an ocean away

TG: so little by little

TG: i got out of hand

TG: and one of the only things i had to look forward to was the idea that the game was supposed to be able to bring my mom back

TG: assuming i even decided to help the batterwitch out by playing at all

GG: But it turned out you couldn't bring her back. At least not the way you thought.

GG: So what was it that made you finally decide to give it up?

TG: well

TG: thats pretty much what it was

TG: when i first went to lopan i saw my sprite there

TG: so i got out my bottle of momslime and was all ready for the bestest most poignant reunion ever

TG: and thats when the juggalo struck

TG: and i just knew the witch had fucked me over AGAIN

TG: cause what other hag is insane enough to get juggalos to do her dirty biz nigh exclusively???

TG: NO HAGS BUT HER

TG: and i was so pissed and so distraught about that goddamn clown squandering my sprite

TG: so i got crazy drunk and felt the super sorriest for myself i ever did

TG: but little did i know there would be a lovely silver lining to the debacle

GG: Dear, sweet, precious Fefeta!

TG: :3

TG: she became a great friend

TG: and whats more was she told me not to worry

TG: that my mom would be comin anyway and all i had to do was wait a while

TG: and i believed her cause she knew stuff + was THA BEST

TG: so thats when i decided to clean up my act

TG: i didnt want her to meet a sloppy embarrassing mess of a daughter

TG: even if she did like to drink at some point it was kind of a childish idea that doing so myself would make me closer to her or help us bond or whatever

TG: anyway i think i might of overestimated her drinkin habits

TG: she sure didnt look like no drunk

TG: oh!

TG: jane did i mention

TG: i saw her in a dream today!

GG: No!

TG: shes real young tho

TG: like our age

TG: and she looks so pretty and happy

TG: not like a girl w booze challenges

TG: i think her fav color must be orange just like dirk

TG: she was wearin the same sunny orange nighty deal i caught a glimpse of her in v briefly another time

TG: and oh...

TG: she also called me mom?

GG: Huh?

TG: huh is right

TG: u know im really not sure if shes actually my mom

TG: but i do know were totes genetically related somehow

TG: i just think theres more to it than we know

GG: I guess we'll find out!

GG: Whoa...

GG: The whole place was shaking for a moment there.

TG: wut

[trendfag]

ok the REASON i needed a drink is that ok im going to arizona flying into phoenix well i had a layover in kansas city but there was bad weather in kc today so my first flight got delayed like an hour and so i missed my connecting flight and you know i had a really stressful week filling in for my mom like have you ever been an autistic trans girl filling in for an office manager of a dentist office? that shit is stressful!!! AND i met with an advisor at a community college to enroll in some classes on wednesday and NO ONE knew i was even in the process of enrolling in classes except for my therapist…i told my boss who is my moms best friend because she was talking to one of my coworkers about going from working mon tue wed to tue wed thurs…and so i was like wellll i just enrolled in classes for tues thirs…i was kind if implying like “please keep doing mon tue wed because i just enrolled in classes for tues thurs and i want to keep working here” but she said like after being like omg thats so great bc shes my moms best friend and so she cares about me as a person she was like “well dont worry about it you can come in just whenever youre free dont worry about it” which is very nice i do love my boss she is really so great i cannot rave enough about my boss like yes she is my moms best friend but i see her like fighting herself because shes caught in the whole “i need ti charge more because i have a family i need to support” vs “i am in dentistry because i want to help people feel good about their teeth and im very empathetic and i want to just do everything for everyone but also if i do that then i wont be able to send my children to the schools i want them to go to including my son with a learning disability but who loves the school specifically for kids with learning disabilities that i decided would be good for him after seeing how he didnt do well in the school his brother goes to” like you know i love my boss sorry i dont remwbwr what this was all about uhmmmmmmmmm…………ok but anyway i like chose my classes so id still be able to work most of the time theyre open but its fine its whatever also im sure my mom will probably talk her out of it….if im being completely honest i dont remember what this post was originally supposed to be about im drunk off two shots of tequila + a can of redbull sorry…i still have like an hour and a half before i start boarding! im going to eat like a chicken sandwich there is one that has avocado yayayayayayayayay

ok basically i was saying ive been really stresseed all week because i had to answer phones and make calls abf basically be the face of the practice (except all my coworkers are soooooo nice and considerate and think about me it wasnt like THAT bad) but it was still stressful like even watching my mom do her job is stressful sometimes much less doing it MYSELF!?!?!! so i got a drink because of my work and also because i missed my connecting flight so now im drunk…like that feels so stupid to be like yeah im drunk off two shots of tequila plus a redbull red (watermelon flavor it literally didnt cover the tequila at all) i think i might text my friend from college…anyway im here at my gate i still have like two hours before boarding im going to watch drag race lol…i thi k i’ll go to the bathroom first anf maybe get something to eat well i am hungry…i should text my cousins as well

[rippeds0cks]

05/08/2023

Todays pics were really mid tbh idk why. Im stopping drinking today but damn do i really want to. Normally i wouldnt be drinking nearly as much as i am but im just not doing well mentally or emotionally and hey i figure its easier to get plastered every night than have my mom get notified of my corpse. Though i will say its very dangerous for me to drink cause it makes me wanna do shit like text my ex even tho i swore id never contact her again. Plus even if she was open to be talking it would be really bad for me cause if i think about her too hard the stress ulcers in my stomach start fucking with me really hard. So needless to say my stomach has been in shambles for a month now. Not that i could text her anyways since one day in november i got high really high, unblocked her, then deleted her number and text logs. Then i realized i unblocked her and i wasnt hallucinating when i was in vegas last february and started throwing up at a park cause i got so anxious. Felt like she was gonna walk around every corner just cause i had her unblocked. Anyways im gonna be leaning out starting now, i was supposed to be leaning out already but i been drinking so hard its been impossible. Fighting has been going well so im happy about that. My friend staying with me is real annoying but oh well yk. Anyways

[bunnyb34r]

Hmm think there's still a stone or two in my kidney

[froghwon]

🌱

wahhh its been a long day of sitting but its all worth it bc!!!!

my tattoos turned out really nice :D it’s a pink star and blue moon-shaped gems <3 they do have a meaning but i dont feel like putting it on blast so if anyone reeeeeeeeally wants to know, i’ll tell u in the dms :P

[richardnixonbutagirl]

today was my birthday and I got two free pumpkins during my walk and the first two albums I listened to in the morning were The Baby by Samia and Wide Open Spaces by The Chicks and I didn’t cry all day and I bought a Noah Baumbach movie that I’m going to watch after I take a shower and everything will be fine happy 21st to me

[nyelaexe]

*long, deep sighing*

[simjyun]

─── ✰ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐘 11. escape the night

wc : 1.4k

jake was never one to turn down a party. the adrenaline and excitement pumping through his veins at the thought of something so reckless and free—and thats just who he was. he always enjoyed himself nonetheless.

the boy’s ears began to ring as the bass of the stereo only seemed to get louder as time passed. the amount of bodies began to surge within yeonjun’s home as the heat slowly began to rise though nobody seemed to notice or care as they were already too drunk out of their minds to think cohesively. leaning forward against the railing of the balcony, swirling the red solo cup with god knows what in his cup, jake’s eyes began to slowly scan the yard. it doesn’t feel right. the boy was usually one to let loose at parties but for some reason he just couldn’t, becoming annoyed at the thought as he couldn’t figure out why.

why was he so out of it?

taking a sip out of the red solo cup his nose immediately scrunched at the bitter taste, not seeming to enjoy whatever was in his cup one bit.

“what’s up with you?” jake’s eyes flickered to his left only to be met with all too familiar figure. intak leaned against the pilar next to jake, clad in a red jacket (which was only buttoned to an extent) and covered in jewelry from head to toe. “our little ladies man isn’t seeming to enjoy the party today.”

turning his attention back to the lively yard after acknowledging the latter with a slight nod, jake found himself unconsciously taking another sip of his drink despite his obvious distaste for it. “opted to people watch today.”

intak chucked. “cant blame you, today was not a hit.” there was a short pause as the two boys stood there and took in their surroundings. “you talk to aera yet?”

jake paused as realization struck him. right. the girl he originally came with but couldn’t seem to find anymore, not that he really cared anyways. he planned to cut ties with aera tonight but wasnt sure if he wanted to deal with the crazy that came after, knowing the girl wouldn’t let him go that easily.

“haven’t seen her yet. not sure if i really want to go and find her.”

intak nodded, understanding the situation but couldn’t help the bitter feeling forming at the tip of his tongue as it only reminded him about how y/n felt. “well i hope you get it over with soon before you end up in the same cycle with her, again.”

the younger boy gave jake a pat on the shoulder before taking his leave and disappearing back downstairs. jake could only sigh as he took one last swig of his drink before his mind began to drift off onto the one person that seemed to occupy his mind—y/n.

for some odd and twisted reason he couldn’t help but think about the said girl. the days y/n had decided to ignore him had put his mind into overdrive, not understanding what exactly had happened between the two that prompted the girl to act distant for a little while and no matter how hard he tried to search for an answer, he couldn’t. the feeling of uncertainty never seemed to leave although both were now on talking terms again, the thought still placed itself at the back of his mind.

he was supposed to care, right? after all, the two of them were best friends for years on end but why was it bothering him more than usual? the sound of the pool splashing below the balcony seemed to break jake out of his thoughts. glancing down at his watch, he read the time.

11:00 PM

eyes scanning the yard one more time in an attempt to ignite some feeling of excitement or thrill for the party only for jake to feel defeated as the lingering feeling he had felt before didn’t seem to leave. sighing, the boy found himself texting jay as a resolve.

jake: hey i’m gonna bounce, not feeling the party today. if you see aera let her know im calling that shit off for good. 

jay: i’ll break it down to her but cant guarantee that i’ll be the nicest 🤷‍♂️

as he exited from the message he paused, staring at the wallpaper of his phone—a picture of both him and y/n from one of their various late night drives. a small smile found its way to his face before he pocketed his phone and pushed himself off the railing, ready to escape for the night.

— ☆

the endless posts of yeonjun’s infamous party seemed to be the only thing that filled y/n’s timeline as she scrolled through her twitter—feed filled with drunk individuals and those that were just seemingly enjoying the party with their friends as they waited for the new year countdown. she was looking for a specific post (although she would never admit) which never seemed to come, confusing y/n before deciding to let it go before she saw something that would’ve possibly upset her.

y/n sighed to herself as she tossed her phone towards the empty space on her mattress. the girl found herself staring at the ceiling, the glow in the dark stars that intak had put up simply because he “wanted to” filled her vision as her thoughts seemed to cloud her mind.

happy new years to me

the silence that engulfed the small room soon broke at the sound of a ringer from beside her. glancing over to the device she was met with an all too familiar contact.

jake: hey princess, everything alright? you need anything? miss me yet?

y/n found herself roll her eyes at the boy before a fond smile found its way onto her face.

y/n: im fine jake and not really to both :/

jake: ouch :( but is your new years going well

glancing slightly to her side at the clock hanging on the wall before scanning the room that enclosed her, she huffed before responding back.

11:56 PM

y/n: i’m content with everything

jake: so what im hearing is that youre not enjoying it

y/n: i quite like the silence actually but are you enjoying the party? read

“i assume he is then.” the girls nose visibly scrunched at the words read before locking her phone. “maybe i’ll take that slumber now.”

y/n found herself shuffling around to become comfortable once again before a knock was heard on her bedroom door, startling her. scrunching her brows together she wondered who the fuck invited themselves in at the ass crack of dawn? a few people were given a key to her house but each and every person she gave those out to were gone for the night.

“come in.” y/n said out loud. as the knob twisted revealing the figure on the other side, she froze. confusion evident as her brows knotted together once again. “jake?”

“hey bub.” eyes turning to crescents as he smiled in adoration at the girl in front of him, walking towards the bed as he sat at the edge of the mattress.

wasn’t he supposed to be at yeonjun’s with the others? jake didnt seem to wear his usual party attire as he was now sporting sweats and a hoodie, a contrast to how he looked a few hours ago. there was a silence between the two as y/n stared at the boy trying to figure out why exactly he was there.

“weren’t you at jun’s? did something happen?” she asked with her brows furrowed, eyes following his figure.

does he tell you about aera? about his thoughts that even he couldn’t figure out himself?

jake shook his head letting out a small laugh. finding himself nudging the girl over to make room for him as he slipped beside y/n in the comfort of her bed. “wasn’t the greatest this time around.”

“that sucks.” y/n pouted. “usually you enjoy those parties regardless.”

jake only shrugged in response. “lets sleep?” at that, y/n found herself nodding without question.

the sound of the clock ticking in the background was all that was heard as the two laid there face-to-face in silence, z’s finally catching up to y/n as her eyes began to close shut. jake scanned the girls features slowly, his heart fluttering slightly at the small pout on her lips as she fell into slumber.

and as he glanced at the clock that hung on the wall behind her, he smiled to himself.

12:00 AM

“happy new years, bub.”

eyes finally closing on him as he left his worries and problems for the next day.

─── ✰ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐘 ✧ MASTERLIST

PREV // NEXT

⌗— SYNOPSIS you had a somewhat interesting life. for one, you were attached to the hip to jake sim, your best friend as well as a known heartthrob at your uni. though notorious for his player reputation, he was the sweetest to you and treated you like no other— but he was also the root of many of your problems.

⌗— a/n slight calm before the storm. also this was long overdue and i apologize for that!! that and i was gonna use the read more function but didnt want it to tamper with anything </3

taglist

@hobistigma @n1k1tty @enhacolor @luvrseung @p2arks @catecita @reallysmolrenjun @sleepyenhasasha @nyfwyeonjun @cosmiclele @kac-chowsballs @nekpma @theskzvibe @hibuki-chan @chirokookie @pitchblacksmile @msxflower @yizhoutv @gu8ki @alo-ehas @bakkumi @daintysan @enxnesblog @kimduo @mykalon @soobzao @sunnymai @cocoabeen @aria-grace-scott @dxlicateee @jakesim-p @seungstarss @mymeloem19 @acciomylove @missmadwoman @woniecore @woopetals @liliansun @kyleeanne @lunaflvms @strawbrinkofdeath @viscoolreal @90sni-ki @heefeels @sukifics @papiibuprofen @sunshine-skz @bluesoobinnie [@k1tty-color @yougeans]

[grvntld]

26 july 2022 • ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* i am open *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

i am open — that is my affirmation as i did today's sacral chakra morning yoga. sacral chakra is said to be responsible for our sexual and creative energy and im not really sure why i chose the phrase "i am open" but that's the first thing that came to me when kassandra of yoga with kassandra asked what my affirmation for today is.

anyway, i had a wonderful day today! i first spent it with my bb doggo as we walked together around the subdivision we are living in and then we had pasta and watched the gray man. chris evans is such an annoying villain. lol. i must say, he's good at being a villain since i found him really annoying. we also had shrimp sinigang for lunch and then took a nap. bb borg made sure he has a place on the bed beside me. HEHE.

once we hv woken up, we decided to go to a mall near us so i could finally have my hair trimmed. yay! we were supposed to just have coffee but we passed by kenny rogers and i missed it so much so that's where we had our dinner. gosh i love their corn and carrots, mac and cheese, and sour cream and chives potatoes to bits! i wasnt that happy the last time we ate at kenny rogers but OMG THIS TIME I AM SUPAH DUPAH MEGA HAPPEH WITH KENNY ROGERS. it brought me back to the times when we used to go to their katipunan branch every chance we get just because UGH OMG SO GOOD.

from kenny rogers, we went to ace hardware and got a type of wrench. lol. i cant remember what type. lmao. then we checked the department store for a pair of mules since ive been wanting and needing a new pair but omg the current designs are frkn terrible, im so sorry. we also passed by biblio for a bit to check out some books. then finally, we went to get starbies. i tried their new drink, pink drink with strawberry acai something, and then i also found out that their white mocha something is really good. HEHE.

oh, yeah, im also already halfway past the silent patient. it was recommended to me by @kindmemoirs ♡ thank you so much, bb cath! my gosh. it's soooooo good and triggering, lmao, so im actually taking my time with it and savoring it.