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spirify · 7 years ago

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Artificial Flower― CH. 6

w. Rielin to never fade; only to live.

“Behind the flashiness of an eternal flower petal, there’s a liar who has never bloomed nor withered.” -Eddy Kim.

BGM | smyang piano: hug me at 4 o'clock | bts v

He was always alone. No one looked out for the young child, all of their attention was directed toward the other one. Not one person gave him a single glance. It was as if he was a ghost, as if his existence was never there to begin with.

Eid and Add.

Twin brothers. They looked and sounded extremely similar. Their hair, their eyes, nose, lips, height, voice, everything was indistinguishable, even their own parents got confused at some times. So similar yet they were so different.

Eid was the one who mastered his skills in every aspect. He was highly intelligent considering his young age. He was always so kind to every human being, not one person have seen him fury. He respected everyone, and was so careful not to make a wrong mistake. He was perfect. Everyone's dream.

And there was Add, the younger brother. The delinquent. Because of his temper, he always came back home with scars across his lips, his fingers had hint of blood. He wasn't necessarily smart, perhaps because he never tried. Not one person have seen him smile. He hated everyone, because everyone hated him. He never experienced love, except from his older, twin brother.

"You got in a fight. Again?"

Add was never jealous of Eid. Instead, he admired him. He wanted to change and be like his older brother. But how could he? How could he just copy his own brother and live his life like his older brother? He didn't wanted to get in Eid's way, he wished for his brother's success- even if that meant tearing his own life down.

"Don't mind it,"

"Let me see it,"

Eid said as he approached his younger brother while holding onto a bandaid. Add glimpsed down at the floor, afraid of showing his older brother his foolish self. Yet Eid stared at him with a gentle look, his lips were smiling at the sight of his younger brother acting like a child that's pouting.

"So…,"

Eid said and with those words, Add glanced up. Eid's eyes were filled with worry as he stared at the scars. As he placed the bandage on a tiny cut that has been made across Add's cheek, he continued.

"Who won?"

"What?"

"The fight. Who won?"

"...,"

"Don't tell me you lost… or I'm not gonna consider you as my twin brother,"

"What? Of course I won,"

"Hahaha,"

Eid chuckled at Add's reply. A hint of gentle smile was painted across Add's lips as he tried to maintain his poker face. Yet it didn't work out and the two bursted their laughter. Then at that moment, the sound of phone ringing echoed into their apartment.

"Oh a call,"

Eid said as he finished patching the bandage across Add's face. Eid quickly walked over to his phone, and as he stared into the screen, a rather big smile was painted across his lips. Add stared at him in confusion yet remained quiet as he watched his older brother.

"Hi, Eve…,"

An unfamiliar name was called by his older brother's name. Yet Add wasn't highly interested. Probably one of his new friend he made in college, he thought as he whipped his own phone out of his pocket. Add decided to play a game with his phone as he blocked out the conversation Eid was having with unknown, until he heard those three words-

"I love you,"

"...,"

"Bye,"

And Eid hung up the call. He pushed his phone into his pocket as he took a quick glimpse over to Add, who was giving him a mischievous smile.

"Who was that?"

He said with a rather playful tone.

"Um…,"

"Girlfriend?"

"Add…!"

Eid's face quickly turned into a color of a tomato as the word 'girlfriend' echoed into his ear.

"Let me see,"

"See what?"

"A picture of her,"

Add said with a hint of curiosity as he walked over to his brother. Add knew for a fact, whatever her name is, was his first girlfriend. Add knew his brother very well, that he could tell right away if he was hiding something rather important. Eid hesitated at first, but decided to show his little brother a picture of his precious one as he browsed through his gallery.

"That's her…,"

"...,"

"Isn't she pretty?"

"...Yeah…,"

Then the name that Eid called earlier during his call echoed into Add's mind.

Eve.

How pretty.

Even though all he saw was just one picture of her, he realized the weird, tingling sensation within him right away- he was in love with her.

The house was unusually quiet; there would usually be mixture of voices from television, the water sound from the shower, loud music coming from one of the rooms, yet there wasn't any of that. Add took off his earphones as he gazed around his room in silence. The only people in the house was just Add himself and his older brother. Add heard loud noises earlier, just mere ten minute ago it seemed as if Eid was furious, Add have never seen Eid yell with anger. He assumed he was on the phone with someone considering the fact that no one except Add himself is physically in the house to hear his screams. Yet the house was quiet now. Add carefully opened his bedroom door and walked out, only to figure out Eid's door was closed and locked. Add automatically assumed his brother wants to be left alone as he tried to calm himself. Add slightly wondered why he was so angry and who was his anger directed to, however he decided to quickly brush the thought away considering it's not his business.

Add walked over to the kitchen and looked through the cabinets, only to let out a sigh. No chocolate. He thought as he closed the cabinets and walked over to the front door. Add lazily put on his sneakers and threw his hoodie over his head as he walked out of the house. With a lazy sigh, the male opened the gate and walked out, only to be surprised at the sight of the female he always wanted to see.

"Eve…,"

Her name was unintentionally whispered by Add. However, Eve didn't seem to realize anything weird.

"Eid…!"

The name that his beloved called upon wasn't his name, but his brother's. Eve loved Eid. She doesn't even know Add's existence. It stung his heart, yet he wanted to see her smile.

"Eid, I'm sorry,"

At that moment, she quickly dashed up and embraced the male with her petite arms that could barely be wrapped around his waist. Her voice was filled with guilt as she shaked while being in his arms.

"What…?"

Although Add automatically figured out that Eid never told Eve about his younger twin brother due to his delinquent actions, he was extremely confused. What is she sorry about?

"The fight we had earlier… The more I think about it, it's actually my fault,"

Her delicate voice was stern and serious, even Add could tell her desperation of wanting to apologize to Eid. However, he wasn't Eid, he was Add.

As she spoke, Add glanced down and realized her cheeks were flushing hint of redness.

She's embarrassed.

The question about what kind of argument did they have, which was lingering within his mind for quite a bit quickly diminished at the sight of Eve acting shy in front of him. Although none of her words were meant for Add himself, it didn't matter- as long as he could hold her tightly within his arms just like this.

"Are you really sorry?"

Add asked rather playfully. Eve slightly released herself from his embrace and looked up with confusion, her golden eyes shimmering as the moonlight reflected her beautiful eyes.

Adorable…

Add thought to himself at the sight of the delicate female that was glancing up with the puppy-eyed look while being in his arms. She was so petite within his arms, it felt as if one, strong hug could break her; that's how precious she felt to Add.

"Of- of course!"

She stammered at the question that was suddenly asked by Add. However, that only made him burst into a chuckle.

"Then kiss me,"

With those playful words, Eve's golden eyes widened with surprise.

"Wh- what?"

Her cheeks were getting more and more red with mixture of embarrassment and shyness. Her two petite hands that were playfully tugging onto his hoodie were gripping onto his clothes with stronger force, and her lips that were slightly gaped closed suddenly as if she was determined. Slightly surprised at her sudden actions, as Add was about to take a step back, she stepped forward and pressed her lips gently onto his.

However, that only lasted for a second. It was a light peck.

Is this… what Eid do?

Add wondered to himself with a hint of disappointment. Do they call this a kiss?

Pathetic.

Before she could draw back, he quickly leaned forward and matched his lips against hers. Eve's eyes widened and her shoulders flinched as she felt the sensation of his tongue entering her mouth, gently caressing her own tongue. Indeed, it was something that Eid have never done. However, because it was something Eid had never done, it felt like something new, it felt like she was getting more closer with him. At the new sensation of the kiss that actually felt romantic, she gently closed her eyes.

After couple seconds, Add slowly backed his lips away from hers yet still kept the intimate distance between their lips. His forehead was gently pressing onto hers, and their lips were still touching one another, yet the distance between their lips allowed the two to whisper to each other.

"Do you love me,"

He whispered with a cautious voice, slightly excited yet afraid of her answer.

"I do,"

She whispered back without hesitation.

Liar.

Yet he knew, that Eve doesn't even know the existence of Add. Eve loves Eid, not Add. Although that fact painfully digged into his heart, it didn't matter. As long as he was able to see her like this, talk to her like this, embrace her like this, even if he lived the life as Eid, even if he threw away his life as Add, it was fine. Because he loved her.

note:

hi all! this chapter is mixture of Add's and Eve's past! Mostly focused on Add. /so you see Add wasn't a psycho before... lol.

sorry i had to break their dramatic scene from last chapter but this chapter is really important! it shows how Add falls in love with Eve and how he met Eve, and how Eid having Eve as his girlfriend is the only thing that Add feels jealous of!

next chapter will be back to the present, sorry if i caused confusion!

and why is this song so sad oml

oh and last chapter, i said whether if i should go on hiatus or not considering i only had this chapter written. but today for some reason i felt the need to write! this week, i've been on a role with new stories like Lucid Dream and Old Melody then i wrote the entire ending... lol. so technically, this story is finished! i will be posting one chapter every 2-3 weeks and the last chapter is chapter 10 :D

Rielin’s Fanfiction Site

#hurray for actually finishing writing another story!!!#hope you guys look forward to it!#artificial flower #add #eve #add x eve #elsword #elsword fanfiction #fanfiction #fan fiction #addeve #text

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acewithapaintbrush · 2 years ago

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Something a little bit personal. It got longer than I thought so the rest under the cut.

So, even before Corona hit, I had done the (for me) unthinkable:

I had finished a novel.

I have started many ever since I was a snot nosed little brat, but had never actually finished one because I lost the drive or hated what I had written. This time I had an idea that I really wanted to see completed and I told myself that no matter how much I hated my own writing, I would finish it. So I plotted the whole story out and I powered through to get the first draft done. And I did. The first draft was, as expected, horrible (in my eyes) but after lots of rewriting and revising it got better and better and after many months it was finally at a point where I felt it was complete and tried to send it to publishers.

And no one wanted it.

And that was kinda a bummer, but also not surprising because publishers get thousands of stories daily. Why would they want my weird mix of modern fantasy + found family + crime story out of all of them?

I told myself that I would self publish, but I never got around to it because even though I liked the story that I had written (and friends and family told me they liked what they had read) I was never a 100 % happy with the wording. The sentences felt clunky to me. The emotions didn't feel nearly as powerful put into words as they were supposed to.

During the writing process I often felt like I couldn't articulate what I wanted to say in an impactful way. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but put into German sentences they just lacked the bite, the punch.

I liked what I had written, but I wasn't really happy with it and the rejection letters didn't help any.

And so it collected dust on my shelf. My first finished novel and nothing to show for it because I didn't feel like it was worth getting it out there when I myself had so many grievances with it.

I sometimes look at it and think about the characters I created and that are so dear to me and hate myself for being so insecure about it all. For letting my dream of my own book become buried under a pile of self-doubt and apathy. I felt like a failure. It felt like I had given up an inch before the finish line but unable to pull myself up again.

Starting with fanfiction again and getting so many amazing comments about how I have a way with words, how I manage to convey emotions with my writing and lots other wonderful encouragements, I often found myself wishing I had written my novel in English.

It does sound crazy, but I've always been better with English than with my native tongue when it comes to writing. Not necessarily when it comes to grammar or spelling (as you'll probably have guessed by now) but when it comes to putting emotions and a story on paper, English has always been so much easier for me. I kid you not, while writing my novel I often pictured how I would write the sentence in English and then translated that into German. Totally bonkers, but true.

So yeah, me sitting here, wishing I could have written my book in English.

And then having a "Duh" moment because I can! No one is stopping me!

English is not a barrier in the german book market, it's actually a way to reach even more people.

And if you self publish, the language matters even less.

So, I just wanna give this a try.

A last hurray, a last rebellion in the wake of defeat. A last time breathing life into a beloved project that never left my mind.

I just wanna try again.

So why am I making a big ass post which actually can be summarized as: "I will translate my own book into another language."?

In part to keep myself accountable, to maybe help you keep me accountable ("Yo Ace, working on that novel? Don't slack now!")

But also in part because after "A place for Crows" is done, I won't start another big project like that until the novel thing is done. I WILL STILL WRITE FANFICTION, I WILL NEVER STOP WRITING FANFICTION! But don't expect another over 100k monster out of me too soon. Since my novel is actually done I think translating and revising won't take too long but I wanna do this right and concentrate on that.

As I said, I won't stop writing fanfiction, making art and diy projects and interacting here and with my beloved fandoms, so I really hope you'll stick around for my dazzling personality and stories.

Thank you for your attention.

#Personal #just thinking #Just contemplating #Just taking a shot at my dream again #I won't give up this time

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itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

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(WLW anon) I really don’t like the “bad rep is better then none at all”. I hate that. We should want good rep, because bad rep has been used time and time again by homophobes as to say we shouldn’t get representation. To me it’s not “gay can have the same flaws as het”, it’s “fix the flaws in the het”. Also I know Renora being independent was a good, I was just saying in comparison BB. Also, yes, they were separated, but also didn’t stop thinking about each other. Especially bad with Yang.

Indulge me for a moment because I want to take a trip down memory lane and list some—just some—of the queer rep that has been important to me over the years:

Ellen comes out both as herself and as her character… years later, she’s a hated millionaire who is criticized for how she treats her staff

The wildly influential Buffy gives us two women entering a loving relationship… except then Tara is killed off, Willow goes evil for a time, and Buffy comes under fire for Joss Whedon’s everything

The beloved and respectable headmaster of one of the most popular book series ever published is revealed to be gay… except it doesn’t count because it wasn’t in the text and now all of Harry Potter is cancelled because JKR is transphobic

Kurt is an unambiguously gay teen in a hugely popular TV series, acting as one of the first overt representations a generation has seen… except he’s way too stereotypical and Glee is a joke now

Orange is the New Black gives us a number of queer women, including one of our first trans characters… but isn’t it problematic that they’re all criminals?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine hosts an out gay captain and gives us a bisexual coming out story that resonated with many, myself included… except now we’re supposed to hate all the characters on principle because they’re cops

Korra and Asami walk off into the spiritual sunset together… but they never kiss or anything, so that doesn’t count either

Steven Universe gives us a queer relationship and a wedding… but it’s an issue that this is just a kid’s show and, really, does it count when the rep is embodied by space rocks whose entire species only creates a single gender? Feels like a cop-out

Same with Good Omens. Yeah, Crowley and Aziraphale clearly love each other… but you never see them kiss or declare their intentions. It’s great ace rep though! Unless you want to level the criticism that asexual characters are always nonhuman

A character intended to be a minor guest becomes a show staple and eventually declares his love for one of the two main characters… except then Castiel immediately dies, Dean doesn’t respond, and they never meet on screen again

I finished Queen’s Gambit the other day and the main character had a one-night stand with a woman! … but everyone is talking about how bisexuality is used to represent her lowest point, so that’s bad too

I could go on for literal pages. Some of these arguments I agree with (Dumbledore), others I’ve pushed back against quite strongly (Crowley and Aziraphale), but all of them are valid criticisms depending on what part of the queer community you’re in and what your expectations are. My point here is that it’s all “bad rep.” I mean that seriously. If anyone reading this is scrambling for the comment section to say why [insert media title here] is actually fantastic rep, I guarantee that someone disagrees. Or if they don’t, give it some time. Just wait until the characterization becomes offensively outdated, or another part of the story ruins the relationship, or it comes out that the author did something truly horrific, or the terminology changes and it’s labeled as “problematic” now… just wait. At some point, any rep we feel is good rep now will be criticized, cancelled, and dragged through the mud. The rep that I personally haven’t seen much push-back against—like the beloved Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who, or Schitts Creek that just won a ton of awards—is wrapped up in the criticism, “So it’s all just about able-bodied, cis, (mostly) white dudes, huh? :/” Even the argument that queer characters need to be written by queer authors doesn’t hold up. I absolutely adored Sense8. “Wow, a gay main character in a loving relationship with another gay man, both of whom enter a loving poly relationship with a woman, another lesbian trans main character who marries the love of her life on screen, an entire cast arguably queer due to them sharing orgy scenes centered around the emotional intimacy they share, everyone survives, and this was written by two trans women! Great, right?” Well, not according to the wealth of opinions explaining how Sense8 is horrible rep, actually. Every piece of rep we’ve got is either currently flawed or will become flawed in the future.

So what do we do with that?

That’s where my “I’d rather have bad rep than no rep at all” comes in. For me, that’s not waving the white flag. That’s not an oath that I won’t expect better rep in the future (I do) or that I won’t criticize the rep we get (BOY DO I), but rather just an acknowledgement of reality. The vast majority—if not the entirety—of rep is “bad rep” in one way or another, but I’d still rather have it than nothing at all. Because I’ve lived just long enough and studied media just enough to know what nothing looked like. It was watching all queer characters meet untimely deaths. Before that it was watching queer characters be derided and treated as jokes. Before that it was nothing but coding, where queer characters didn’t exist except in our own headcanons and interpretations. Obviously “bad rep” covers a very large range of issues and “They haven’t even confirmed this relationship yet” is a bigger issue than “This queer character embodies one or two, mild stereotypes,” but ultimately I’d take any of it over nothing at all. And enjoying what we’ve currently got doesn’t mean I’m willing to settle for it indefinitely.

To use an iffy analogy, imagine there’s a factory. This factory makes plates. So. Many. Plates. Big plates, small plates, plain plates, decorative plates, plates for every possible occasion in your life—and everyone with a steak for dinner is pleased as punch. You though? You’ve got soup. You need a bowl. Your entire life you’ve been struggling to eat your soup off a plate (it doesn’t work) and listening to friends and family claim that the plate with a slightly raised edge could be a bowl if you squint (it’s not). To say it’s frustrating is an understatement.

But then, one day, the factory starts producing bowls too. Hurray! Except as soon as you get your hands on one, you’re told you really shouldn’t be using it, let alone praising it. Look at the state of that bowl! It’s cracked right down the middle, ugly as hell, shoddily made all around… you’re not really going to settle for that, are you? And no, you obviously still want the factory to produce better bowls, but at the same time, this is a bowl. You’ve never gotten one before and you can finally enjoy your meal, even if the soup leaks at times. Sometimes a lot. But you’re still feeling better about your meal than you ever have before. And what you then begin to realize is that lots of the plates are a mess too. They also have cracks, they’re also ugly, many are also shoddily made. The difference is that the factory is producing so many plates at such a rapid pace that every steak eater is able to get by. One plate breaks completely? You’ve got a thousand fallbacks. Don’t like the look of this one? A thousand other options. You disagree about what “shoddily made” means? Luckily there are enough plates that everyone can find what they prefer! But the bowls… there’s only a few. Some are really expensive. Others are only available for a limited time before they suddenly disappear. Your bowl breaks and you have to wait months, years sometimes, to get another one. You’re constantly told to go buy this one obscure bowl no one else has heard about and yeah, you like it... but you’d also like to buy one of the bowls everyone is already enjoying. You find yourself looking at the plates and thinking, “I’d like that. I’d like to have so many options that the flaws, while still a problem, are much more bearable.” You’re still going to demand that the factory get its shit together, you’re still going to (rightly) complain about the awful quality of your bowl… but it’s still nice to have a bowl, period. There are still things you like about it, even if it’s a mess: the color, the size, the beauty of the shape of it. Its potential. You’re still pleased you have something to enjoy and that helps serve the need you’re looking to fill, even if that something is imperfect.

That’s “bad rep is better than no rep.” To bring this very long response back to Blake/Yang, I don’t think their problems negate their benefits. Is their relationship currently non-canonical and filled with a number of writing issues everyone has a right to be angry about? Yup. I express that anger a great deal. Are they still half of a team on a very popular show that is (presumably) set to be canonized as queer? Yup. I’d much rather live in a world where big shows like RWBY try to include queer rep and fail in a multitude of ways—with the expectation and hope that they’ll continue to improve—rather than in a world where authors a) don’t care or b) are too scared to try. Because that’s where a “good rep or no rep” stance leads. The danger isn’t homophobes because they’re, well, homophobes. It doesn’t matter if the rep is good or not, they hate it on principle. But if queer authors writing for other queer identities, or allies writing queer identities, or even queer authors writing their own experiences (like in Sense8) continually come under non-stop fire for their attempts… there’s a good chance that many people won’t ever try. We’re already seeing that here on tumblr with young authors admitting that they wouldn’t touch [insert topic here] with a ten-foot pole because just look at what happens when you get it wrong. And authors will get things wrong because authors are fallible people forever unlearning their own ignorance. So though it might sound strange coming from a blog that has turned into such a RWBY critical space, I am glad that RWBY’s queer rep exists, despite all the frustrations that I share about it. I think a RWBY with various types of “bad” queer rep is better than a RWBY with no queer rep at all, particularly when “bad” or “good” is so intensely subjective. There’s a middle ground between passively accepting whatever we’re given, and tearing into rep with such ferocity that we end up rejecting it all. There’s a space where we can be critical of rep and embrace the parts that work for us, simultaneously.

I hope and expect the het rep will get better too, but… that’s never going to happen instantly. To quote RWBY, there’s no magic wand we can wave to fix all our problems. Rather, it will take slow, plodding, meandering, lifetimes’ worth of work to see that change occur and I personally don’t want to spend the one life I have waiting for that perfect rep to show up. Because it’s unlikely that it will. While we work, I’d rather find the good in what rep we’ve already got.

#rwby #queer #mymetas #Anonymous

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ladyherenya · 3 years ago

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This was more-books-than-sometimes month, because rather than take the time to write about the books I'd finished, I just read more books! Also, I read a lot over the Easter break, including some shorter books and a very binge-able series.

Also read: Two-Step and Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet, Hooked by Cathy Yardley, “Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” and “All the Different Shades of Blue” by W.R. Gingell, and “Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells.

Reread: A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer.

Total: nineteen novels (including two audiobooks and one reread), one novella collection, two novellas, two novelettes and one short story.

Cover thoughts: Bellewether’s blue cover is (unsurprisingly) my favourite. I also really like The Ghosts of Sherwood.

Still reading: A Portrait of Loyalty by Roseanna M. White and Playing Hearts by W.R. Gingell.

Next up: Torch by R.J. Anderson.

My full reviews are on Dreamwidth and LibraryThing.

The Rose Code by Kate Quinn (narrated by Saskia Maarleveld): Historical mystery about three young women who worked at Bletchley Park during WWII.

My favourite out of the books I’ve read so far this year. Most of the narrative is set during the war, but interspersed with sections set in 1947 -- when Beth, in a sanitarium after a breakdown, has sent her two estranged friends a coded message begging for help. I loved this, but at times found it stressful and heartbreaking! The writing is so lively and effective and emotional. 4½ ★

Castle Charming by Tansy Raynor Roberts: Fairytale retellings, collection of novellas.

A very entertaining and a somewhat different take on fairytales, focusing on the reporters, Royal Hounds and royalty at Castle Charming. Some of the character dynamics felt similar to those in Roberts’ Unreal Alchemy although I didn’t feel quite as attached to these characters. I’ll read the sequel. 3 ★

Bellewether by Susanna Kearsley: Historical and contemporary fiction, set in Long Island during the so-called Seven Years War in 1759 and the present day.

Alternates between a curator overseeing turning a house in a museum and some of the house’s previous occupants, including a French-Canadian Lieutenant awaiting hostage exchange. Despite the various tensions the characters face, there’s something slow and ultimately gentle about this story. Which is lovely -- I enjoyed the picturesque sense of place and astute observations of people -- but it is less dramatic than I was expecting. 3½ ★

Happy Trail by Daisy Prescott: Contemporary romance, set on the Appalachian Trail.

A park ranger and a hiker shelter together during a storm. I was fascinated by the insight into hiking the Appalachian Trail and enjoyed some of the characters’ interactions, although I thought the way the romance unfolded was somewhat anticlimactic. Not always what I wanted, but I don't regret reading it.

Legacy by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers.

Wes offers to move in with his late-best friend’s girlfriend to help her out financially. This sort of hurt/comfort appeals to me. I liked how seriously this story takes Corinne’s messy, consuming grief. I don’t really want to spend any more time with the characters, but I was very invested in seeing them reach a better place in their lives.

Two-Step by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between an actress and a dance instructor. I enjoyed reading this. I particularly enjoyed how Beau helps Iris with her anxiety about dancing and with her controlling mother/manager. He’s very supportive and understanding! But I finished this with a niggling feeling of dissatisfaction -- Iris needed more opportunity to support Beau in turn.

Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between a yoga instructor and her new neighbour, who has just got out of prison.

This one didn’t particularly appeal to me. Although interesting to see the experiences of someone recently released from prison, the romance developed too quickly.

(No, I didn’t read all three of these back-to-back!)

Hooked by Cathy Yardley: Contemporary fandom-y romance novella, set near Seattle. Takes place during Level Up and is about two of Tessa’s colleagues.

I enjoyed the characters' interactions and would have liked this more if it hadn't felt rushed.

The Ghosts of Sherwood by Carrie Vaughn: Historical Robin Hood retelling, novella.

Exactly what I wanted! It alternates between Robin and Marian’s eldest daughter, Mary, and Marian herself. I liked seeing Robin and Marian as a long-married couple, who still love each other and still have disagreements. And the dynamic between their children gave me a zing of recognition, reminding me of my siblings. 3½ ★

The City Between by W.R. Gingell: Australian YA urban fantasy (murder) mysteries. Set in Hobart.

I ended up enjoying this series so much more than I’d expected to!

Between Jobs: After a neighbour is murdered, our seventeen-year-old orphaned narrator acquires some unexpected housemates -- two fae, one vampire. Once I got past the opening, with its tales of murder, the worldbuilding intrigued me. I still wasn’t sure what I thought about her housemates or the fact that they call her “Pet”, but was willing to reserve judgement until I’d read more. 3 ★

Between Shifts: About supermarket shifts and shapeshifters. Pet and JinYeong go undercover at the local grocery store. This is a reasonable murder mystery. I was initially disappointed with how something played out (but in retrospect can see how that was actually a positive development for Pet). It ended on a cliffhanger, so I was extra motivated to start the next book. 2½ ★

Between Floors: This is where the series took off, because things suddenly get personal! One of her fae housemates has been captured and the closest any of them get to finding Athelas is Pet contacting him in her dreams.This raises a lot of interesting questions, not just about Pet��s abilities, but about her relationship with her housemates. How much does she trust them and how much do they value Pet’s personhood? 3½ ★

Between Frames: Pet’s housemates are hired to investigate a series of fae deaths around Hobart, which involves scrutinising some baffling security footage. Another solid murder mystery. The final pages felt like one step forward, two steps back, but yet again, in retrospect, this was a positive development. I’m glad I could dive immediately into the next book. 3 ★

Between Homes: Pet has moved in with some friends. Hurray for Pet having friends! I think this was the point where I started to feel comfortable with Pet calling herself Pet -- when it's the name used by people she likes and trusts and who don’t view her as a pet at all. 3½ ★

“Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” (novelette): An awesome title and an entertaining opportunity to see Pet from someone else’s perspective -- moreover, someone who doesn’t know her or what she’s capable of. 3 ★

Between Walls: Pet’s friend Morgana is worried about an online friends and asks Pet and co to investigate his disappearance. Along the way, they discover that there are human groups who actually know a lot about Behindkind. I am also becoming increasingly entertained by the Korean vampire. 3 ★

“All the Different Shades of Blue” (novelette): A great cover and it explains who that guy at the cafe is, but otherwise didn’t really do anything Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears hadn’t already done -- ie., show us Pet from someone else’s perspective. Most of the time, I have enjoyed this series all the more for binging it, but I suspect this particular story would have worked better if I had read it after a period of absence. 2½ ★

Between Cases: My favourite of these have been the ones where things get personal, and this involves a lot of revelations about who Pet is -- from a fae perspective -- and why her parents were murdered. I enjoyed this one a lot. 3½ ★

The Duke of Olympia Meets His Match by Juliana Gray: Historical espionage romance novella, set in 1893 onboard an ocean liner travelling to England. Apparently not the Duke’s first appearance in Gray’s fiction.

I liked the idea here much better than the execution. I liked Penelope, a fifty-year-old widow dependent upon her position as a governess, and I enjoyed her interactions with the older Duke of Olympia. But parts of the spy plot were rushed or confusing, and the resolution was almost-but-not-entirely satisfying. 2½ ★

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer: Fantasy. Follows on from the fairytale-retelling A Curse So Dark and Lonely and its sequel, A Heart So Fierce and Broken.

If this is meant as a conclusion to a trilogy, then the ending was a bit too anticlimactic, with a few too many loose ends, to be really satisfying. But I reached the end feeling positive about the story, because I really enjoyed the characters’ interactions. All of the protagonists have to deal with conflict in relationships. I loved the times when they each navigate these conflicts by acting fairly and communicating honestly, when doing so is often difficult and complicated. That’s realistic and satisfying. 3½ ★

“Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells: Science-fiction short story. Part of The Murderbot Diaries series, set after Exit Strategy.

Very, very short but I really liked seeing things from Dr Ayda Mensah’s (third person) perspective. 3½ ★

Emily of Deep Valley by Maud Hart Lovelace: Historical coming-of-age fiction, set in Minnesota in 1912-3.

I am very glad to finally have read this! It’s delightful, a fascinating insight into community life in a Minnesotan town, and it effectively captures the emotional experience of navigating a period of transition. After high school, Emily’s friends leave for college, but Emily has to find her own path to purposefully fill her time, build connections and further her education. 4 ★

On Wings of Devotion by Roseanna M. White (narrated by Susan Lyons): Romantic historical mystery, set in London during 1918. Christian fiction. Features characters from The Number of Love.

Arabelle Denler is a nurse working in a London hospital; Phillip Camden is an airman now working for British Intelligence. I enjoyed their interactions, especially once they start to get to know each other. I didn’t like the antagonist’s contribution to this narrative -- between the dangers of wartime and the protagonists’ respective issues, there’s enough tension without her. But what I enjoyed about this story outweighed what I didn’t. 3½ ★

Our Darkest Night by Jennifer Robson: Historical fiction set during the Nazi occupation of Italy in WWII.

Nina, a young Jewish woman from Venice, goes into hiding by pretending she’s married to Nico, a Catholic farmer. Robson’s strength lies in pairing details of daily life with likeable characters, realistic dialogue and a sweet romance. I read this quickly and eagerly. But if the characters had been more nuanced, more complex, or if their emotions had been conveyed more vividly, I likely would have found reading this a more emotional experience. 3½ ★

#Herenya reviews books

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the-ice-sculpture · 3 years ago

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Reflecting on the Loki show

Hurray – fewer instances of cringey humour in Episode 2 than Episode 1!

Shame about there not being a single scene in the entire episode in Episode 2 where Loki felt in character

If this wasn’t a Loki show, I’d probably be enjoying it at the same level as a casual viewer of any other TV show. The plot’s interesting with a different take on time travel that I’ve seen, and there are no boring moments. But I can’t get past the lack of MCU Loki here. I just... Ugh. It’s so frustrating. No other media could get away with the main character suddenly having a personality transplant, but because it’s Marvel people are... fine with it, for some reason?

I can live with the tone and plot being different to what I’d do with it if I’d had the choice. I’ve said multiple times in the past that just because the show probably won’t give me what I want from it doesn’t mean that the show can’t be good in its own right. But what I didn’t anticipate before any of the trailers started coming out was that the Loki here might not feel like MCU Loki at all. I can forgive a lot of things, but I just can’t wrap my head around the sheer number of people who must have given the green light to all the decisions made about his characterisation. Those kinds of things can’t just be blamed on one person, it’d be a combination of the writers, directors, actors, producers...

I never thought that Loki finally getting to be the main character on screen (how many years have I wanted that to happen? 7? 8?) would be the thing to cause me to have my first ever thoughts about quitting this fandom.

I’m not having fun. I’m used to being more than a bit disappointed. I even stayed in the fandom after Thor: Ragnarok came about without much complaining, despite not being a fan of a fair amount of elements in it. I even stayed after Infinity War and Endgame came out with very little complaining either, despite how many things there were that I didn’t like in them. I even rewatched Game of Thrones after being just as unsatisfied with how it was tied up as everyone else was, and I still love the first four seasons and some scenes from later on (yes, even including Season 8).

But I’m not used to being this level of disappointed. The past month I’ve gone from having 5 different Loki WIPs I wanted to write to suddenly not being sure if I want to finish any of them at all. I mean, at least two of them will be finished because they’re oneshots for an event and I’ve already done most of the work so I might as well, but the contrast with my motivation is huge.

I don’t want to leave this fandom. I still have things I (hypothetically) want to write. I have over 100,000 words of various unpublished Loki fanfics that I’ve been working on. I don’t want them to go to waste. I want to finish what I started. It’s not like the enthusiasm for the idea of the stories has gone, it’s just... I don’t know, the overarching disappointment and not having fun in a fandom space anymore? How strongly Loki is associated with me feeling bitter and miserable now? How the show and the experience outside of it is doing the opposite of inspiring me?

I don’t to be that person either. You know, the one who has an entire blog dedicated to moaning about something. The one who seems determined to interpret everything in the worst possible light, regardless of rationalism. The one who seems like they’d never be satisfied unless something was made 100% their way, and if it wasn’t then of course it’s Problematic and that’s why it’s Just Plain Bad, and it’s nothing to do with personal taste and a certain amount of projection. The one who starts getting positive reinforcement about hating something, so it becomes a habit and before they know it, it’s part of their daily routine, and they’re still regularly doing it years later. The one who goes on about how ‘if you’re a true fan of [x] and really understood [x], this would bother you’, or worse, starts making it personal with the real people involved in the creation of the show.

But the experience of not liking the show is a lonely one. There are other people who don’t agree on his characterisation either, I know. But when the vast majority of people who watch it seem not to find the changes in his entire character jarring? When people are going around saying that it’s not until now that the writers have finally understood Loki? When you get people acting like anyone who voices any criticism whatsoever is ridiculous and shouldn’t be in the fandom and behaves like they might catch the Taint of Negativity if they were to associate with them? When any criticisms are dismissed as ‘people who just want to hate the show’?

Believe me, I don’t want to hate the show. I’d love to be happy with the show. But I'm not. This Loki doesn’t feel like MCU Loki. The only time he did feel like himself to me was during the scene towards the end of Episode 1 where he was watching parts of his life on screen. That’s it. Over one and a half hours into the series so far, 1/3 of the entire show. Out of all that, only one scene.

And now every time I see people being happy about the show it makes me feel resentful. And, no, I’m not going to add anything negative to their posts or say anything to them. If the show is what it is and there’s no changing it then it’s better at least some people get to enjoy it rather than it bringing about universal misery. I don’t want to take away anyone else’s happiness. I just to feel happy too, but I don’t, and I’m painfully aware of it.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, I think I’m just venting.

I don’t know what the solution is either. Space from fandom for a bit? I mean, I’ve been doing this a bit already recently (not full commitment, just more than usual), but I like being able to use tumblr as an escape. Unfollow people/leave Discord groups? But there are people who I’ve had plenty of positive interactions with, and I don’t want to lose those connections.

It’s really dumb, but I like my fandom corner. I like knowing that if I post a fic, there’ll be a certain small group of people who’ll probably read it, and a smaller chunk of those who’ll comment on it, even all these years later. And there are still so many stories I want to tell with Loki, so many things I haven’t done yet, but...

Yeah, I don’t know if my motivation will come back or not (I’m leaning towards maybe not). Or how much the fandom will change as a result of the show. I’d expect a wave newcomers, but if a lot of new fics being written are largely based on the show characterisation (and if reader expectation of Loki’s characterisation lies with that too), then I have little to no interest in it.

Oh, and another thing to add to my list of things I don’t want to be: I don’t want to be that person who is all ‘I’ve been here longer and know better and am therefore more of a real fan than any of you new people’. So there’s that.

Ultimately, I think I’m eventually going to have to choose between staying and trying to squash/somehow extinguish any bitter feelings, or leaving. I don’t like either of those options very much. It might be premature of me to post this before the show has ended because my feelings might change, but, unsurprisingly, writing is a good way of processing feelings and I’ve been having a lot of them that need processing.

In case anyone’s actually read this obscene amount of rambling, I’m okay, I’m not, like, weeping over this as I write or anything. But it’s still not a great feeling to have a place that was once my favourite place for escapism and creativity to make me feel like I might not be welcome or like I might not want to be there. And it’s not like I can easily just switch over to another fandom to write for, because there are no other characters who have inspired me to write anywhere near much as Loki has. So, yes, I’m feeling a little sorry for myself. All over a fictional TV show. I repeat: it’s dumb.

#loki negativity #venting #personal #negative #my posts #not for reblogging

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nxfelibatae · 5 years ago

Text

pose || jimin x reader [pt.2]

When the opportunity presented itself there was no way you were going to let it go, only 10 days to make a boy fall in love, It must have been easy, but you let yourself be carried away by your feelings, and nobody should risk their heart to the ones who are addicted to play with it. Love disguises itself in many ways and it hurts when you find out it was all a lie.

pairing: fuckboy! jimin x reader!

word count: 8K

genre: Fluff, slight angst, light smut, how to loose a guy in 10 days AU

warnings: Alcohol use, sex references, slow burn, swearing. Everybody it's kinda lying. That's pretty much it.

A / N: inspired by the movie How to loose a guy in 10 days. First work here so please be nice guys :(. It's a two people work.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

PART 2

Day 11

'Hey, are you okay?' Asked Nayeon

'Yeah, why?' You answered while packing up your stuff.

'The professor called for you 3 times and you didn't answer, you were here but… not exactly.' Nayeon answered with a mocking tone.

Actually, what was going on in your head was the question you were asking yourself since last night, where would you find a guy who would date you? You knew you were pretty and smart, but that wasn't enough for the boys at college, they were looking for something easy, something for one night, and you were not down for that kind of relationship.

You thought that if you were ever going to date someone again, it was going to be for a long term. But you knew you had to let that idea fly away for the sake of the article or at least until you get the job.

'Where do I find a guy who agrees to go out with me for more than a one night stand?' You finally let out with a snort. Nayeon looks at you like as if you were joking.

'There are millions of boys in the world, surely you will find someone perfect to write the article about.' She says.

'You always know what to say Nayeon.' You say while resting one side of your head on her shoulder.

With spring coming soon, you could already feel the warm weather in the air predicting it was going to be a nice one. Spring was your favorite season, mostly because of the cherry blossoms and the fact that you could sit under your favorite tree for hours writing ideas for future projects you hoped you could achieve and all this without the risk of freezing your butt like in winter.

'We should eat outside, it looks like it's not that cold.' You say walking towards the exit that led to the main courtyard.

'Okay, go look for a place to seat and I'll go get us something to eat.' Nayeon left after you nod in agreement.

As you walk down the courtyard looking for a place to seat, you let the wind hit your face confirming your assumptions about the weather. There was a table in the middle next to the fountain, while you settle in, you leave your things on the table and breathe deeply letting in the smell of wet soil, courtesy of the sprinklers that had watered the grass a few minutes before.

Now that you were alone maybe you could think clearly about the article. It was nice outside and maybe ideas would flow better. You open up your bag to search for your journal, only to realize that it's not there.

'Where did I left it?' The panic in your voice was evident, that journal was your life, all your ideas were inside it, all your tasks to be done, your appointments, the ideas for the article… You turned your bag upside down taking out everything that was inside of it just to make sure it was't in there, you needed to find that journal as soon as possible.

'What are you looking for?' Nayeon says with a concerned look in her face while placing the food trays on the table.

'My journal, have you seen it? I can't find it and everything I need is in there. '

Why is this happening to me, what kind of teenager novel is this?

'The one you where using in class?'

'Yeah the one with the… Oh my god! I left it back in the classroom! I have to go back to get it, wait here. ' Nayeon is left looking really confused with a carrot in her mouth as you walk away.

You let your mind cool down a bit before remembering your last class, with so many things on your mind you should have forgotten it in your seat compartment. When you where about to open the door, it opens suddenly, revealing Hyunjae with your journal in hand.

'Oh! There you are, I was about to look for you to give you your little diary. ' Says Hyunjae with a smile that you knew was not sincere.

'Did you read it?' You asked while snatching it away from her.

'A thank you would have been enough,' she notices the suspicion in your face 'I didn't read your pathetic thing.' She rolls her eyes.

'You better not.' You stick the journal to your chest protecting its content 'Thank you… I'll better get going'.

'No problem, that's what co-workers are for, right?' She was wearing that fake smile again, 'I need to go as well, I need to work on my article, have you started yours?'

'Something like that.' You put a weird gesture, more like a pout, letting her know you haven't even started it.

Hyunjae turns her face to the side laughing a little 'I haven't started mine either, I don't even have the topic yet.'

'I have a topic, but I don't really know where to start.'

'You do look kinda stress… do you know what you need?' Asks with a smirk 'A party!'

'What?' You let out in confusion.

'Mark Tuan, do you know him ?,' you look at her still confused, trying to analyze what she's saying, 'He's kinda my friend. Tall guy, handsome, he's from America… he just moved to a new house with some other friends and you know open house party… it's today. ' Hyunjae finish with a hurray movement with her hand.

'Why are you being nice?' You say softly, looking at her like she was a total stranger.

'What do you mean?' She says frowning.

A silence reigns between the two of you for a couple of seconds before Hyunjae talks again.

'Look, it's just a stupid party. If you wanna eat, fine. If you don't, fine too. I was just inviting you because you look like you need a break and it's not like you know the right people to party with… 'Finishes raising one of her eyebrows.

'I don't do parties actually.' You interrupt her. 'And this is really… weird. You've never invited me to something in your life, I think I'll pass. ' You turn your back at her walking back to the courtyard where you left Nayeon. 'See you at the office' you say without turning your head back at her.

Hyunjae doesn't even bother to reply to you before she continues with her path with a smile in her face, heels making noise as she takes every step.

'What the fuck was that?' You think out loud as you continue walking.

When Nayeon sees you with journal in hand she lets out a relief sigh.

'Great! You found it! I thought we would have to deal with all your secrets being exposed with copies pasted all over the halls just like in the movies. Can you imagine? '

You nod as you let yourself fall on the seat next to hers.

'The weirdest thing just happened…' You say looking at her.

'Uh? The journal being there or… '

'No I mean. Hyunjae was there and she handed me my journal and she was… kinda nice? I don't know. She tried talking to me about the article, and then she went “You know you look tired, why don't you come to Mark Tuan's party?” '

'What? What did you said? '

'I sad no, of course. I'm not stupid, she must have an ulterior motive. '

'Are you dumb ?!' Nayeon screams back at you. You jump a little in your seat 'That's the perfect opportunity to fish. We are going. You need to text her and ask her for the address. Mark is pretty popular and his friends are really cute, we could find you a guy in 5 minutes there. '

'What are you talking about? Nayeon, I know no one in that party besides Hyunjae and I don't even trust her to call her a friend. Maybe I can find a guy somewhere else. '

'It'll be fine. I'll come with you, so you'll know me too, okay? I'll even dress you up with cute clothes and all. Besides, I need parting too, I need to get my mind out of that dude. '

'You can't be serious right now, Nayeon. You dated the guy for 7 days. 7 god damn days! ' You let out with frustration.

'Only?!' She says with an offended tone in her voice. 'I already told you it was special while it lasted. It's always about the connection, not the time. ' She takes another carrot and bites it, while taking her phone with her other hand meaning she was mad. You just roll your eyes, you didn't feel like going into that topic again.

'Okay, I'm sorry…' You take the fork that was on the tray and start pinching the food with no appetite.

Was it really a good idea to go to the party? What where the odds of finding a guy in one night? One that actually wants to date and not just to fuck around? You were running out of time, If you wanted to write this article, you would need to find a boy as fast as you could, Nayeon had a point when she said it was the perfect opportunity to fish.

But then there was Hyunjae and her weird way of being nice to you outside the office. You guessed it was a tactic to let your guard down so she could take advantage of you on the whole job competition thing.

You thought about the perks of going and see how well you cope in a place so unknown to you, Nayeon will be there helping you which is good since the article was going to be based in her personality, perhaps it wasn't that far and most of the guys from those parties where completely strangers. If you didn't have luck that night, you could call it off, find another topic and move on with your life and take this as a funny story to talk and laugh about later.

The more you think about it, the more you convince yourself about going, even though it's not really your element or one of your favorite places to be at. You were not going to give up so easily and without fighting,

'Fine.' You say snorting. 'We'll go to this stupid party.'

'Oh, you were still considering not going? I'm already asking my friends for the address, there's no way we're not going 'she smiles back at you with a mischievous look in her eyes.

Am I really here?

Your mind couldn't stop thinking about how easily you convinced yourself about this being a good idea, and how Nayeon convinced you that wearing a top that didn't leave much to imagination was a good idea too. Nayeon was nowhere to be seen and you were standing alone, with a red cup, in a room full of strangers. You could recognize a few of your classmates but you hadn't had big conversations with them, just a little wave here and there in the hallway. Discomfort made its big entrance when two drunk dudes were pushing each other about to start a fight near you.

You ran out of there before the chaos started, heading to the pool looking for Nayeon, calling her was not an option anymore, her phone would go directly to voicemail every time you called her.

You turned to see the crowded house from the outside hopping Nayeon was okay, and just when you were about to go in again, someone grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the little crowd.

You recognized Hyunjae's face seconds later. It was a little dark, but you could still see her pink lipstick and her very short purple dress. She was also holding a red cup in her hand and a tall, dark haired guy was standing next to her.

'Hey! Not passing after all, huh? I'm glad you made it! ' Hyunjae shouted over the music 'This is Mark, the host of the party,' she puts her hand on his chest with a little pat 'Mark this is the friend I've told you about.' extends the same hand towards you finishing the introduction.

'Hi !, I've seen you around school, I heard you are from America as well' he smiles in a way his eyes disappear and lets his teeth show.

'Yeah, I moved here freshman year.' You try not to be rude by avoiding his gauze, but the only thing you could pay attention to was the crowd behind them hoping to see Nayeon in the middle of it.

'Are you looking for someone?' He seems to accomplish something is troubling you.

'I'm actually looking for my friend, I lost her like an hour ago and she's not answering my calls or texts.'

Hyunjae is about to talk, but something, or more like a someone, caught her attention.

Park Jimin.

She saw him standing inside the house with his entourage of two dumb friends, laughing and talking about something. This was her opportunity to talk to him after a very long time. He looked really hot. With that leather jacket and all black outfit, but she wasn't even surprised, because he looks good without even trying.

'Why don't you help her find her friend Mark? I need to talk to someone, I'll catch you later 'said Hyunjae winking at him before leaving.

Hyunjae didn't let either of you say something, she was already heading inside the house to catch her favorite toy.

They were friends with benefits since early junior year when they met at a party hosted by Jimin himself. Ever since, every time one of them felt like having sex they will call each other or at least they used to. Lately the one who made those calls was Hyunjae, usually texting Jimin several times to have a good time but now he was throwing really bad excuses and she was determined to find out why she was being ignored this way.

After she finally passed through the people that was surrounding Jimin, she got to where her prize was.

'Hey Chim Chim!' Screamed with a high pitch voice putting her arms around Jimin's neck while he tried to catch her due the surprise of the girl throwing herself at him. 'Me and my bed have missed you.' Says while making a pout trying to look cute, he just took her arms off of him, making a disgust face. Jimin's response surprised Hyunjae making her angry and making his friends laugh at each other, avoiding meeting her gauze.

'What's your problem Park?' Hyunjae dropped the high pitched tone as she crossed her arms in front of her and posing in a way that showed how angry she was, Jimin nodded to his companions to leave.

'What do you want Hyunjae?' Asked the guy with an irritated voice.

'What do I want? You've been ignoring me for a whole month, what's up with you? '

He looks at her with a smile, ignoring her displeased face. 'I thought that I was delivering the correct message when I ignored your calls and your texts.'

The girl looked at him offended, lifting an eyebrow, still crossed arms and an angry vibe.

'Look I don't want to be rude but you are not giving me another option' Jimin's says as he pulls away from the wall where he was leaning on 'I'm not longer interested in your… sex services. If you don't mind, I'll go find my friends now. ' He smiles for a second and turns trying to leave but Hyunjae stops him by graving his wrist.

'What are you saying? What has gotten in to you? Do you have a girlfriend now or something? ' Jimin turns back facing Hyunjae who has a sarcastic smile in her face.

'Possibly… or maybe I just got bored of you, that's it' Jimin answers.holding her chin.

'Like if you were the type of guy who would sleep with one girl for the rest of his life and respecting the whole fidelity thing' she snaps his hand away from her face. Hyunjae was pissed. This had never happened, she was used to being begged, not the other way around. Jimin was hurting her ego really bad, but she wasn't gonna let him know that, she wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

'What do you know about me? The only thing that you know the best about me is my dick, 'he looks down' and my name, and it sounded great when you screamed it. ' His face gets close to hers while he grabs her wrist and pulls her closer to him. He's teasing her, Hyunjae knows this is the way he fools around, trying to make her ask for more.

Hyunjae could only roll her eyes, she was really irritated by the attitude Jimin was taking.

'Come on baby, don't be mad. It was good while it lasted. What where you expecting? That we will become boyfriend and girlfriend? '

She let a sarcastic laugh after hearing that. 'As if. I know you and your dick like the back of my hand Park Jimin. You're not capable of having a relationship. Hell you're not able to feel love for someone other than yourself. ' She pushed him away a little, almost spitting the words at him, trying to hurt his ego the way he did with hers. He was not going clean after this conversation. Jimin just lets out a giggle.

'Do you even know the concept of romanticism, Jimin?' Hyunjae strikes back with a mischievous smile. 'I mean do you even know what love is ?, and I'm talking about love in all its letters.'

He tenses his jaw after her words and she smiles widely, she was getting to his nerves.

'You know nothing about that…'

'Come on' she interrupts him, putting her arms out of her sides in a mock of boredom at the argument. She places a finger on his chest and comes close to his face, almost brushing her lips against his 'You get tired after the first fuck, what can you possibly know about feeling something other than pleasure?'

Now he's the angry one. Hyunjae can tell by the way he looks at her frowning. She knows giving him the sense of not being capable of getting something it's hurting his ego. Hyunjae feels like she won the battle, so she takes a step back, ready to leave. But then he talks again.

'Fine, I'm gonna prove to you I can be romantic.' His tone is as tense as his jaw. 'Pick a girl. Right here, right now, and I'll date her and I'll make her really fall in love with me, easy. '

Hyunjae is the one that giggles this time. 'Are you sure of what you are getting yourself into, Park?'

'I'm doing this to shut your pretty mouth. Pick one, anyone. It's not gonna be that hard. ' She knew that already, they were talking about Park Jimin, she knows for a fact that half of the girls in college where already in love with him. If this was a bet, she was going to lose easily.

'And what do I get from this? If this is going to be a bet, what is in for me? ' She's trying to make him doubt, make him back off out if it.

'You name it.' He says smiling, giving her a lusty look. As if she was going to let him sleep with her one more time. Not a chance. She thinks

'Fine, I want money. If you lose, you're giving me 1M won. '

‘What the fuck? Do you think I’m a millionaire or something?’ She knows it was a lot money, but it’s her new strategy, maybe with a high amount, he would back up. Why was she digging in more? She was paving the way to a place where she was going to lose for a fact. She was supposed to make him step back, not encourage him to do it. How was she going to let herself out of this? There’s not a single girl in campus that wanted to get rid of a guy like Park Jimin.

She turns her head, trying to find an excuse to leave but before she can think of something, she spots you standing next to Mark and your friend. Something lights up in her head. A memory. Your article, she remembered. You were supposed to find a guy and scare him off in less than 10 days, you were the perfect girl for this bet and as a plus she was going to ruin your article and get the job for herself. Life was just so great sometimes.

'Well, you're so sure about yourself, you don't have to worry about that right?' She is teasing now, tickling him like a sleeping lion to get into it. 'Are you still in, Park?' She smiles.

He doubts and Hyunjae thinks for a moment that Jimin would withdraw from the bet. What a fool she was. 'I'm down, it'll be easy' Jimin finally gives in and reaches out to seal the deal, just as she called it.

'Not too soon honey, there's rules to be set' Hyunjae reaches for a napkin close to them and pulls out a lipstick out of her handbag.

'Do we have a deal, Park?' Hyunjae places her hand in front of Jimin to close the deal.

'Of course we do, the easiest money I will ever win in my life' Jimin doesn't think twice, not even after he reads the short period of time he has to complete the task. So he reaches Hyunjae's hand and closes the deal.

'Great, now.' Hyunjae clapped her hands before putting them against her lips 'Who will be the lucky one?' She begins to see everywhere playing fool of not knowing who she is going to pick from the crowd.

'What about her?' Jimin pointed a tall girl, nice body and pretty face.

'You think I would go easy on you?' Hyunjae asks raising her eyebrow in disbelief. 'You probably know her and she is hot, so… no.'

Jimin laughs and shakes his head in. Maybe now he remembers why he kept going back at her whenever she called, she was funny.

'Uuuhh, what about that girl' she pointed at a girl dancing unconventionally in the middle of the dance floor.

'Are you kidding?' He laughs sarcastically 'I fucked her already and she's literally crazy, I'm not going back at her, no way'

'Though crowd, I see.' She hesitates a moment before returning her gauze to where you are 'Okay, what about her.' Jimin follows her gauze until he sees Mark talking with two girls 'The one with the back cleavage blouse.'

He looks at you, scanning your face. She's pretty and nice body Jimin thinks. You looked naive, this was going to be more easy than he thought. 'Done' Jimin let out big smile which turned into a smirk really quick, he was confident. 'You better prepare that money right now, this would be too easy.'

'Sure it will' Hyunjae said with an evil smile.

In the other side of the house, you where coping up with the new guy and Nayeon.

Mark was easy to talk to and funny. At some point you about making him the victim for your article, but he was way too nice, you didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, you actually liked him.

While he helped you looking for Nayeon, who was in line to get into the bathroom with her phone in Do Not Disturb mode at a party full of people for whatever stupid reason, you got to know few things about him. He was from LA and moved to Korea when he was 16 with his family, they lived in Gwangju, but he wanted to go to college in Seoul so he moved and met the guys he's living with at college.

Now you were in the middle of the house, talking to each other with ease. You don't even remember the moment you got rid of your cup, with all the walking you did around the house to find Nayeon, you guessed maybe you left it somewhere around.

'I'm really sorry for scaring you, I truly am' said Nayeon for the 50th time since you've found her.

'It's fine, just, let me know where you're going next time' you dedicate her a smile to let her know you are not mad at her anymore. You placed your hands in the back pockets of your jeans as you talk again. 'Maybe we should get going now, Nay. I'm kinda tired. '

'But we haven't found a guy' she says whispering under her breath so she cannot be heard.

You were not that excited about that topic anymore, she can see it in your face by the way your lips became a thin line.

'Hey, Mark!' A black haired guy approaches from the back of both of you to greet your new friend who was standing next to you. He stretches hands with the stranger and brings Mark close to give him in a semi hug.

'Park Jimin!' Says Mark with a big smile in his face 'Long time no see…'

'Same goes to you, dude. Last time I saw you, you hosted parties back at the dorms. ' He continues talking. You can tell he is handsome, marked jawline, pretty smile and now you could appreciate better the softness of his hair. He also had trouble written all over his good guy attitude. 'And you weren't so good with your social skills, who are your pretty friends?' He says looking at you and Nayeon with a smirk in his face. You don't pay attention to the comment, but Nayeon blushes at the mention of you being pretty.

Mark introduces you, but it doesn't seem to be enough for the guy, so he takes a step in, invading a little too much your personal space. 'I'm Park Jimin' he says. 'Nice yo meet you…' He checks you out without shame, head to toes, scanning every inch of your body right in front of your eyes.

You take a step back, uncomfortable to his sight. 'Nice to meet you too…' you grab Nayeon's arm and you pull her next to you 'We should get going.' You say in urge.

'Oh, are you leaving already?' Asks Jimin, was it ?, with a pout staring back at you.

'Yes.' You answer quickly, but so does Nayeon, contradicting you with a hard 'No'. The guy looks confused now, and you feel the awkwardness flowing in the room.

'Can I talk with you for a second?' Nayeon grabs your arm, dragging you a few meters away from the guys. 'What are you doing?' She says frowning.

'What do you mean?' You are playing fool at her question. You knew where this was heading. She lifts an eyebrow at you, reminding you that she can read you and you're not fooling her. You sigh. 'I want to go home, Nayeon. This whole idea is stupid, I don't even know how to talk to a guy in a no friendly way. Let's just go home, I'll find another topic 'you were not feeling good about this anymore. You felt ridiculous.

'No, we are not going anywhere.' Nayeon grabs both of your shoulders. 'Listen, you haven't even talked to a guy in this party apart from Mark and now this cute guy comes and try to talk to you but you act in a way it would make him run, which is the point of the article, but not this way and not this fast. Give it a try at least. '

'Are you crazy?' Now you were pissed. 'Nayeon, he looks like a total ass, he just wants to get in my pants. I'm not going to pick a guy that just wants sex from me. I was willing to sacrifice my first real kiss with someone for the sake of this article, but not to a fuckboy which I'm sure he is, he smells like it. Do you even know him? ' You throwed one of your arms back at where you left the boys talking.

'Are you kidding? Everyone at college knows him. The fact that you live under a rock doesn't make him less of a good match. Sure he doesn't have the best reputation but… '

'I wonder why.' You crossed your arms while looking at her rolling your eyes.

'Look, just give it a shot. If he doesn't meet your expectations, we can find another guy. Mark has many friends. If we can't find someone else by the time the clock strikes 2:00 AM, then we bail and you can tell me “I told you so” for the rest of my life, okay? '

The idea was tempting, but your mood wasn't the best anymore. You hadn't given anyone a chance, not even the Park Jimin guy who came to you a few minutes ago, and yes, he was handsome, but this wasn't really your element, you didn't know how to flirt with a boy with such experience as him, but again, you haven't even tried. You remembered all the things you did when you let yourself go and gave the unknown a chance, thinking that this might be the exception.

What were you so afraid of? You thought that maybe the idea of finding a new you, that was flirty and sassy perhaps scared you or maybe you were scared by the idea of playing on a field that you had never played in before. But as anything in life, you had to learn, after all, practice makes the master doesn't it?

'Fine, but If I don't find a fucker before that time we are leaving. For good. You're not gonna throw a tantrum at me. AND… 'you raised your voice a little. 'You have to do the dishes the hole week'

'No way, I'm here because of you.' She said smiling.

You smiled back as Nayeon dragged you back with the two boys that where now warmly talking to each other. Jimin was still standing there waiting for you like a good boy, with a commercial smile.

'So, are you guys leaving?' Asked Mark with his hands in his pockets.

'No, I managed to convince miss boring here to stay a little longer.' Nayeon says pointing at you with her thumb.

'Oh that's great!' Now Jimin was the one talking as he looked at you, turning his body a little towards you too. 'Are you thirsty? Do you want a drink? ' He looked thrilled at the idea for some reason.

Something about this guy didn't seem right to you. What is he trying to do? You were not really used to guys talking to you, but you were sure they weren't this smiley and attentive.

'No thank you.' You sinked your hands in the back pockets of your jeans one more time. Nayeon and Mark were talking animatedly, you laughed a little when you see her flip her hair in a flirting way. She will never learn.

'Perhaps you wanna dance?' Asked Jimin one more time.

'Noup.' You maintained your look straight to the floor, avoiding the cold gauze of Jimin's eyes.

Playing though girl? Thought Jimin rolling his eyes. Girls resisting to him were his favorite ones. First they say they won't sleep with him, but end up falling for his charms days later. He just had to act like the “perfect boyfriend” and be careful with his words if he wanted to get in their pants. This one was a new challenge. And Jimin loved challenges almost as much as bets.

The rest of the night follows up like that, you being most of the time quiet and following Mark and Nayeon wherever they went. He seemed like a good guy and despite of him trying to make a move in Nayeon, he kept including you in all his conversations and introducing you to new people all the time, but among all those people he introduced you, nobody captured your attention enough to make a move and get a boy to write on your article about.

What was weird to you is that Jimin didn't leave your side and followed you around through the house like a dog. He was trying really hard to make a conversation and you didn't want to be rude so you answered all the questions he threw at you. How old are you? Which semester are you in? Do we go to the same college? Do we have the same classes? No I'm sure not because I would never miss a beauty like you in one of my classrooms.

You were getting tired of his lame pick up lines. And even tho 'you were trying not to be rude, it was impossible for you to respond to his compliments. Frankly, you were actually flattered and if it weren't for the dim lights in the house, you could tell Jimin would make fun of your red cheeks every time he called you pretty or beautiful which makes you believe he forgot your name because he doesn 't call you by it all night.

You encountered Hyunjae a few times at the party. The last time you saw her, she winked at you while she had her hands around some guy's neck before turning back to kiss him. Little did you know she was actually winking at Jimin, he giggled after seeing her already with some other guy.

The four of you were talking by the pool, everyone holding a red cup except for you even though Jimin offered you a drink more than 20 times that night. Nayeon and Mark were laughing at Jimin's silly jokes. You managed to smile several times, but not really laugh like them, maybe it was the alcohol in their veins or you just didn't understand the jokes. You checked your phone for the millionth time, waiting for it to mark the time to go and also as an excuse to avoid the accusatory look Nayeon was giving to you that screamed “you're not even trying”. There were still a few minutes left to the time both of you set for your luck.

'Are you okay?' Mark asked you noticing your lack of excitement.

'Yeah, you seem like you're not having fun at all…' said Jimin. Of course he was going to talk.

You shook your head before you talked 'I'm just tired. Plus, I don't really like parties' you said shyly.

'Why didn't you say so?' Jimin saw a chance in taking you out of there and he was going to take it. You had closed many doors to him that nigh and he was not wiling to give up on you, he couldn't give up on you, that would mean he was willing to lose a lot of money. 'Do you want to get out of here? We can go grab a bite, if you like? ' He said smiling widely.

You were about to reject him, but Nayeon spoke first. 'Yeah, why don't you go? You said you were hungry before anyways'. You looked at Nayeon, almost screaming “what are you doing?” At her. Jimin was really nice to you the whole time, even though you were not too talktive, but that might be because there wasn't a moment when the two of you were left all alone.

Dinner couldn't harm, could it? It was just something easy, two grown ups talking and getting to know each other, what could go wrong? And if in any moment you see Jimin wanting to be smart and take advantage of you, you could call it a night, go back home and think of a better idea to write your article on. And if you like it and it works, he could be the perfect victim, you could torture a playboy and teach him a lesson at the end, just to make sure he doesn't play with girls anymore. This could be fun.

It would only take 10 days to write a good article and get a good job, stay in Korea, live better, pay the bills. Suddenly, it doesn't sounds that bad anymore. You take a look at him one more time.

'Fine, sounds nice. Let's go. ' You got up from the bench and waited for Jimin to follow your action.

‘I’m sorry, what?’ Said Nayeon, clueless of what has gotten into you. Perhaps the smell of pot made you a little high.

Jimin on the other hand, was not surprised by your response, he was waiting for a yes in the moment he drooped the question, believing that you tough girl facade wasn't gonna last long since he knew how to talk to girls. He thinks he has you in his hand, it was just a matter of time before you begged for him to love you back. He smiled widely and you catch yourself liking the way he looks when he does.

‘I said fine, let's go. Are you okay by heading back home alone?' You asked her in a rush.

Jimin it's getting up now, standing next to you to you, waiting to get the answer you are looking from Nayeon, who looks too stunned to give you a correct answer, eyes popped up and mouth semi open. Mark answers for her, letting you know that he will make sure she gets home safely. You smile at him and say thank you.

After that, Jimin offers you his hand and you take it, feeling a tickle in your hand when he secures the grip. Jimin guides you off the house, passing through the people who were dancing and the ones far too drunk to even stand still.

When he is heading out, he makes sure Hyunjae sees him holding your hand as you walk pass the door. She looks at him with a smirk and he winks back at her. In his language, he's telling her that he already won, but Hyunjae is far more pleased, she knows what Jimin is getting himself into and she knows that the girl he just walked out with, it's going to be the death of him.

After walking for a couple of minutes he takes out a key. You wait patiently for him to find his car, big was your surprise when you see him get on a motorcycle, you don't know what to say, you've never been on a motorcycle, this whole situation was new to you.

'Are you getting on or not?' Jimin says showing a big smile while passing you a helmet.

'I've never been on a motorcycle before ...' you keep walking slowly.

'At the?' he says with fake surprise in his voice. 'It will be fun. Don't worry, I won't let you fall. I can protect you '

You think about it for a moment and you take the helmet from his hand, what am I doing? Your body begins to feel an adrenaline that has never felt before. Once you put on your helmet, you get on the back of the motorcycle.

'You will have to hold on to me so you don't fall.' You listen to him and put your hands on his shoulders, you hear him laugh. 'You are going to fall that way sweetheart, that's not secure enough. Put them… right here. ' He says while putting your hands around his waist and connecting them in the front just like a hug, you are glad that he can't see you from the front with your bright red cheeks. 'Are you ready?' He looks at you from his shoulder, you nod, afraid that if you talk, your voice would sound like a murmur due to the nervousness that runs in your body

Jimin starts the engine and the sound scares you a little so you stick closer to him, the cold wind touches your face as he drives away. Little by little and street after street, you gain enough confidence to lift your face and close your eyes for a second. Jimin sees you smile from the rearview mirrors making him smile as well.

It doesn't take you long to get to a cafeteria with a 90s style, you were fascinated with the place, it was really pretty, with classic benches, tables and music according to the time.

'This is my favorite restaurant, it really captures the 90s, their milkshakes are the best.' Jimin says as he helps you get off the motorcycle.

'I will have to check that for myself.' Jimin opens the front door for you like a gentleman, you didn't expect him to do it.

You can see posters of classic artists on the walls when you go through the door that remembered you of the music you heard when you were little. You can recognize a few of them, Britney Spears, The spice girls, Nirvana, Radio Head. Was that Cristina Aguilera?

You were surprised of how many western artists where pasted on the walls. You never imagined a place like this would be so close to you and you never find out about it. It reminded you of America, your home and your life before you moved to Seoul.

He tells you to choose a table and after you take a seat, a waitress quickly arrives at your table with the menus, she's really pretty. You lay your eyes on Jimin while she goes away, for your surprise he was more interested on the menu.

'What do you usually order?' You ask turning the menu pages.

'This would sound too cliché, but a cheese burger with fries and a strawberry milkshake.' He laughs a little and you realize that when he smiles his eyes disappear, it looked very cute.

'Then I'll have the same as you.' you close the menu leaving it aside, Jimin waves to the waitress and orders for both.

Now that you're out of the party, it's easier for you to talk to Jimin, he doesn't seem too bad, maybe you judged him too quickly, he tells you about many of his adventures, and you tell him about your internship , omitting the article you were going to write to get the job.

He takes every chance he has to call you cute names in between. You have to admit that gorgeous, beautiful, baby, or pretty girl were pet names only a guy with very much experience and no sense of good memory would use, but you catch yourself liking it and after he calls you many of them you get used to it and stop blushing every time he calls you by them. Jimin almost regrets you being used to it, he liked the way your cheeks light up in a very cute way.

He just keeps playing it cool, marching his plan slow and fancy as he always does with girls like you. He asks for your phone politely and smirks after you exchange numbers, Jimin keeps teasing you a little and he makes some comments here and there that are not really appropriate, but to his surprise you play fool to them. Is that or maybe you just don't get them.

In the course of the night, you get to know him better. You know his major, his age, and that he is not from Seoul but that he has the same group of friends since he was a kid back in his hometown. It surprises you how interesting Jimin actually was and with all the talk and silly jokes you lose track of time. You learn that he is actually really funny and he seems to be very interested in you, but you don't let you guard down.

'Oh wow, is it really late, or early?' You ask laughing, the clock shows 4:00 AM, how did that happened? You were surprised due to the fact that the cafeteria was still open at such hours.

'Time flies when you have fun.' He says while leaning back on his seat. 'Let me get the bill and I'll take you home.' Jimin waves to the waitress one more time to ask for the bill.

'Oh please, let me give you money for what I had.' You say searching in your pockets for the money you took before you went to the party.

'Come on, don't play that card on me. Besides, this was a date and it was my idea, so I'll cover it. '

You ignore the fact that he called your little run out of the party a date. Before you can complain he gives back the payed bill to the waitress, he opens the door for you once again as you walk out.

The way to your house was fun thanks to Jimin's jokes that you now understood, during the trip you could also analyze the evening and it was not what you expected, Jimin behaved the best with you, maybe he wasn't as bad as you thought , even so you would have to be attentive to what he did.

Jimin walked you to the door of your apartment even when you told him it wasn't necessary that it was literally 6 feet away from where you were, but he didn't care.

'So, here it is.' You say looking at the white door 'Thank you so much for the food, I'll pay for it next time.' Jimin smiles thinking that he already has you where he wants.

'So, there's going to be a next time huh?' He asks leaning to you.

You start to feel overwhelmed by his proximity making you take a step back.

'Maybe, that depends on you.' You flirt back, this is weird, it's the first time you act like this and you were liking it even more after his eyes sparkle a little with your response, he's been waiting all night for that kind of answers.

'It does?' He leans again 'I can text you later and we'll se about that ...' He gets closer to your lips with every word.

'Maybe I won't answer ...' Jimin curses mentally to the fact that you decide to follow his game just when he leaves you at the door of your house. This is his game, this is what he likes, being contradicted and tested around.

'Won't you really?' Jimin is so close to you lips now that you can almost breath the same air as him. He is inches away from kissing you but when he takes the chance and leans forward to do it, you turn your face, making his lips fall in a cute kiss on the cheek.

You can't really read his expression, you don't know if he is angry, mad or just simply confused because he was about to kiss you and you didn't let him do it. Were you playing with his head?

'We should take things slow, don't you think?' you say as you take his face with one of your hands. He blinks a little and smiles after he nods. A kiss lands on his nose before you open the door to get inside as quick as possible. 'Drive carefully. I'll get you later. ' You disappear inside and slam the door without letting him say goodbye.

You see through the peephole, curious about if he will knock your door again and claim that kiss that he was about to get, and he almost wants to. But you just see the way he smiles funnily and scratches the back of his neck before he heads back to his motorcycle.

Jimin thanks Hyunjae in his way back home because from all the girls at the party she had to pick you, an innocent girl who would be easy to make fall at his feet. Even if she called the bet off, hanging and fooling around with you was going to be one of his favorite activities. He was going to get you, even if it costed him the whole 10 days to do it.

<- PART 1 | PART 3 ->

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salemlucien · 4 years ago

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Per my therapist's suggestion, I'm working on a new project that combines my writing and art...a whole ass graphic novel that will probably become a series. Might start a patreon and put it on there bit by bit, might wait until the whole thing is finished and get it self published. Not entirely sure yet, but either way, I hope this can be the first real start to making a career out of my creative work.

I already have the general synopsis and the first nine pages/first scene of issue #1 down. Writing the script is gonna be the fun part... when I get to actually drawing, then it shall be time to cry as my fingers bleed. Already, the opening scene contains complex architecture and a crowd of people that I have to draw from multiple angles...

For anyone wondering, the gist of the story is a group of young witches band together to take down another group of witches being brainwashed by a man who wants to overthrow a magical council and gain power for himself. They essentially form a superhero team, giving each other code names that relate to their unique magic abilities and going against the "supervillain" coven as they cause general trouble and then eventually try to take out the council member by member. It takes place primarily in New Orleans and the Otherworld, but there will probably be other locations as well.

They say to write what you know, so I'm writing about a bunch of queer witches living in southern Louisiana and fighting to take down an evil businessman/wannabe politician! Hurray!

#sel speaks #new tag for personal posts OOP #writer stuff #project

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my-status-single · 6 years ago

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Tony’s Daughter Part 11

Character Pairing: Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word count: 2119

Warnings: Reader is Tony Stark’s daughter, Slow burn.

Synopsis: Part eleven in a series. The ending of the Avenger’s arc.

Authors Note: This is a canon compliant AU. Well, it’s over! This has been a journey that’s for sure. It will likely be a bit before I start writing for the next arc. i don’t know if it will be Iron Man 3 or Winter Soldier. You’ll be getting side stories until then. I also have a new series you can read as well. It’s called Autumn. Thanks for reading Tony’s Daughter. It never would have gotten this far without your support.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Side Stories One Two Three

You fight beside Steve and Natasha. You take down Chitauri after Chitauri but they just keep coming. Natasha looks exhausted. You’re holding up pretty well. It probably has something to do with your inherited enhancements, but you’d never really explored those fully so you weren’t sure.

“Captain, none of this is gonna mean anything if we don’t close that portal.” Natasha says, slumping a bit.

“Our biggest guns couldn’t touch it.” Steve replies.

“Well, maybe it’s not about guns.” She says, looking at the flying chariots.

“You wanna get up there, you’re gonna need a ride.” Steve says, raising an eyebrow.

“I got a ride.” She says. “Could use a boost, though.”

Steve backs up, gripping his shield. “Are you sure about this?” He asks.

She nods, but looks unsure. “Yeah.” She says looking up at the flying chariots. “It’s gonna be fun.” She runs at Steve then, using the hood of a car to give her some height. She jumps onto the shield and Steve boosts her into the sky where she grabs hold of one of the chariots.

More creatures make their way to you and Steve and you fight them off.

One of the creatures gets Steve on the ground and you realise you’re out of ammo so you just jump on it’s back to pull it off of him.

“Captain, the bank on 42nd past Madison.” Clint’s voice comes over the coms. “They’ve cornered a lot of civilians there.”

“I’m on it.” Steve says. You follow after him.

“Stay out here.” He says to you once you get to the bank. “You lead the civilians somewhere safe.”

You swallow thickly, not liking the idea of being separated but nod. “Okay.”

Steve jumps through a window, and you hear shots going off. Then you hear him scream.

You start to panic when an explosion goes off and see him being thrown from the building. He lands hard on a car. “Steve!” You gasp and run to him. He’s alive. You help him up. You see firemen and policemen helping the civilians out of them bank so you just tend to Steve.

“Are you okay?” You whisper, he’s lost his helmet and he looks like hell. He nods, a hand on your waist while you look him over. Theres a gash on his arm and he probably has some bruised ribs from the fall.

“I’m fine, sweetheart.” He says, trying to get you to stop fussing. He looks around the city, its practically destroyed. You place your hand on his jaw, he places his hand over yours and kisses your palm, then takes your hand and kisses your fingers. “I’m okay.”

There’s a lull in the fighting for a moment then as you make your way out of the wreckage.

You see Thor in the distance. Steve stops you.

“I think you need to go back to the tower and see if you can help Natasha.” He whispers.

You shake your head slowly. “I’m not leaving you.” You tell him.

“Please don’t argue with me, (Y/N).” He says and sighs a bit.

“I am sticking with you.” You say firmly. “You can’t keep me out of the fight, Cap.”

He sighs weakly, and after a beat he nods and you make your way to Thor.

They battle side by side. You no longer have a weapon so you make due by fighting hand to hand. Steve hates it, you can tell by the way he keeps glancing over at you.

The men throw their respective weapons they catch them as they come back. But then Steve turns and takes a blast to his stomach, he goes down hard. Thor blocks more blasts with Mjolnir and then uses it to throw a broken car in the direction of the creatures.

He helps Steve to his feet and you can tell that he’s hurting. He clutches at his stomach and is doubled over ever so slightly.

“You ready for another bout?” Thor asks, looking down to Steve’s stomach. You can’t tell if the blood on him is his or someone else’s. You have a feeling its his by the way it seems to be spreading.

“What, you getting sleepy?” Steve replies. But both men look near dead on their feet.

“Steve..” You say and shake your head.

“I’m all right. What about you? You’re bleeding.” He says, thumbing under a cut on your forehead. You’d taken a hit when you’d seen him go down.

“I’m fine.” You say and move his hand to examine his wound before “another bout” begins.

“This doesn’t look great.” You say.

“I heal quick, it’s fine.” He says, brushing you off.

“It’s not fine.” You whisper, still trying to asses his wound. He cups your cheek, making you look up at him.

“We’ll deal with it after.” He says.

“I can close it.” Nat’s voice comes, you hear her slightly because you’re next to Steve. Your own coms aren’t functional anymore. “Can anybody copy? I can shut the portal down.”

“Do it!” Steve replies.

“No, wait.” Your father says.

Steve looks a bit panicked as he looks up at the sky. “Stark, these things are still coming!”

“I’ve got a nuke coming in, it’s gonna blow in less than a minute.” Tony says. You can’t quite make out what’s being said anymore. “And I know right where to put it.”

“Steve what’s going on?” You say and take his arm.

“Stark, you know that’s a one way trip.” Steve says quietly and you feel your blood run cold.

“Just take care of my girl, Rogers.” Tony says.

Steve wraps an arm around your waist.

You watch your father grab the nuke.

You let out a sound, scared and small, and grip Steve’s arm as you watch him fly up into the portal.

You’re shaking a bit, Steve holds you tighter but his eyes are locked on the portal.

The creatures begin to fall lifeless around you and you can see the blast in the portal.

“Oh my god.” You whimper. Steve tucks your face into his shoulder so you won’t watch. He glances at Thor, and then back up at the portal.

“Close it.” He says quietly.

You panic and pull away from him. “No!” You snap. “No, no, No!” You’re screaming now. You hit at his chest, and there are hot tears running down your cheeks. “You don’t get to decide that! No!” He grabs your wrists and pulls you back in, holding you tight to his chest. “I’m sorry.” He whispers into your hair, you keep hitting at him. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He whispers. You sob into his chest, barely taking in any air. You won’t let you look up. You hear a boom and know that the portal has been cut off. Your knees buckle, Steve’s arms being the only things that.

His grip loosens enough and you look up just in time to see the portal close and something falling out. Your father.

Steve grins. “Son of a gun.”

You’re still in too much shock to really react.

Thor frowns. “He’s not slowing down.” You start to panic again.

Thor swings Mjolnir to go and catch him but before he gets the chance Hulk dives to Tony and catches him. He slides down the side of a building and uses himself to absorb the impact when they hit the ground. Then he tosses your father off of him.

You let out a choked off noise and pull away from Steve and run to your father.

“Daddy.” You whimper and drop to your knees next to him, pulling his helmet off. He’s limp, lifeless. You shake him. “Dad!” Steve leans down to hear if he’s breathing, and tries to feel his chest. He just sits back and looks at Tony, defeated.

“Doll..” He whispers and looks at you.

You just shake your head and keep shaking him.

Hulk is watching and doesn’t seem satisfied with this. He roars. And your father jolts back to life with a scream.

Your eyes widen and just hug him tight. Tony rests a hand on your back and looks around, wide eyed.

“What the hell?” He gasps out. He looks up at Thor and Steve. “What just happened?” He asks, breathless. “Please tell me nobody kissed me.” He says.

You chuckle weakly, wetly, and sit up, taking his hand in yours. He looks at you, still confused.

Steve sits back, panting a bit. He nods a little. “We won.” He says.

Tony lets out a sigh of relief. “All right, yay.” Tony says, he’s clearly exhausted. “Hurray. Good job, guys. Let’s just not come in tomorrow. Let’s just take a day.” He looks around then. “You ever tried shawarma?” He asks, looking at you. Steve chuckles softly. “There’s a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don’t know what it is, but i want to try it.” You smile a bit and shake your head. He smiles back a bit.

Thor looks up at Stark Tower. “We’re not finished yet.” He says, looking down at Tony.

Steve and your father both look up at the tower as well.

“And then Shawarma after.” Your father says,

Everything goes relatively smoothly after that. The team is able to capture Loki and encase the Tesseract. News spreads about what’s happened. There are…mixed opinions. Some people are grateful, some impressed, some scared. It’s all understandable. One woman seems to be quite fond of Captain America in particular.

“Seems you have a fan, Captain.” You say, sitting beside him and watching the clip on your tablet. “Cute too.” He smirks at you and takes the tablet. He sets it down and turns to look at you.

“Are you jealous?” He teases. You turn a bit pink.

“Not at all.” You say and look away

He tugs you closer and cups your cheek so you’ll look back at him. “Good.” He whispers. “Because I’m already taken. Right?” He whispers, thumbing over your cheek. You blush more and nod. “Yes, sir.” you whisper.

He leans in and kisses you then. You’re quick to reciprocate. His hands move to your waist and he deepens the kiss every so slightly. “Time to go.” He whispers as he pulls back.

He walks you out to a motorcycle and you wrinkle your nose. “I’m not sure sure about this Steve.” You whisper. He laughs at that, actually throwing his head back a bit.

“After everything we went through, it's a motorcycle you’re afraid of?” He says, putting a helmet on your head.

“Donor cycle.” You mutter and hide your face in his back as he drives off.

“Hopefully we see you soon.” You tell Thor as he hugs you goodbye.

“I’d like that, Lady (Y/N).” He replies, Loki eyes you again, and you step closer to Steve who glares at Loki lightly.

Thor and Bruce place the Tesseract in a cylinder. Steve glares at it and lets out a breath. He’s happy to have it gone. You take his arm and kiss his shoulder softly

Thor and Loki vanish in a beam of blue light, as you all take a step back.

Clint and Natasha leave together. As you’re saying your farewells to them, Steve and your father share a moment, shaking hands.

“So you’re going with Steve?” Tony asks you.

“Yep.” You say softly.

He nods slowly. “But you’ll be home for dinner this weekend?” He asks.

You smile and nod. “Of course.” You say and hug him tight.

You look at Bruce then. “Take care of him.” You say, Bruce chuckles and nods.

Steve comes up behind you, placing a hand on the small of your back.

“You take care of her, Rogers.” Tony says, eyeing Steve.

Steve kisses your temple. “She’s safe with me, Tony.” He says softly.

He wraps his arms around your waist and hooks his chin over your shoulder as you watch Bruce and your father drive away.

“Now what?” You whisper.

He hums. “I think..we pick up where we left off.” He says softly.

You turn in his arms to face him. “And where was that?” You ask.

He smiles softly. “Well..before all of this happened..I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend.” He says.

You chuckle and shake your head. “I already am.” You say.

He smiles and just kisses you again.

You’ll eventually have the much needed discussion about him nearly letting your father die in space. But that will be at another time. For now, you’re just going to enjoy the fact that he lived. That everything is over.

You don’t know what comes next. But you know it’s going to happen with Steve at your side.

Taglist

@winchestergirl907 @samros95 @booknerd-and-fangirl @boxofteenageideas @sunnyshoes @yougottalovefandoms @peregrinestook @tealeaves-and-witchythings @beckastark @clockblobber @nenabeg111 @the-fangirl-sent-by-cyberlife @shadowsndaisies @spideysbl0g @musicals-n-chill @appreciating-chase-brody @dreambutdontsleepx @give-me-fluff @moli1497

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vickyvioletdraws · 6 years ago

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Thank you for reading “Comic Sins”!

Undertale Fanfic "Comic Sins" Archive - Binge the series HERE

I, Vicky, have written a complete and finished FanFiction... *SCREAMS INTO GARBAGE CAN*

A three year journey, I can't believe it. I started writing "Comic Sins" back in October 2015, just a month after Undertale's release. I had been doing plenty of fanart and enjoying other people's fanart, and it was a great time for everyone! But something oddly specific gripped me-- the way people drew "genocide-route" fanart, and the way they drew Sans in particular really spoke to me. The excellent pieces of art kind of scared me, like Sans was mad at me for something I didn't do. And I loved that eerie feeling. And that, my friends, is what "Comic Sins" is about-- The fear of a cartoon skeleton coming out of the screen to mess you up. So if you wanted an explanation as to why Sans comes out of a TV screen at the beginning... there's your answer. It's dumb, I know. And I had plenty of people on FanFictionNet and on my deviantArt telling me I ripped off "The Ring" which is a movie I had never even seen, let alone heard of, before posting my fic. Thanks guys.

The first several chapters are short and an absolute garbage fire. I wrote them for myself but then felt compelled to share them online... And then people started reading it. Uh oh... But like, if nobody read it, I don't think it would have made it to chapter ten! So if you're one of my early FanFictionNet readers and commenters, congratulations, YOU'RE the reason this fic has an ending! HURRAY!

(Spoilers below if you for some reason didn't read the fic but are reading this??)

Chapter 9. "Vacant" was probably my favorite to write. It had absolutely no dialogue, was focused on just the one character exploring their environment, and it let Frisk, along with the reader, experience the dreaded town of Snowdin in its new state of disrepair and disaster. I felt it had a lot of cool ideas and it was really fun for me. (But then it got better because I got to describe what the Judgement Hall/Last Corridor looked like a million times and I enjoy describing environments.)

Chapter 17. "Pride" is another personal favorite of mine because the entirety of its narrative is a metaphor for how the fandom tends to treat Sans. He didn't ask for this, give this boi a cookie and a nap.

And the finale is finally here! Chapter 24. "Departer". Papyrus is my FAVORITE Undertale character, but you too have permission to be mad at me for hosting a McFrickin Papyrus FuneralTM. :D

Pronouns: I had a ton of fun writing them! But also it was very difficult! Especially having to use they/them pronouns for Frisk. (And then Chara!Frisk. And then LostSoul!Frisk. Oof.) Friendly Tip: The trick is to remember to use different language to describe more than one person at a time so that when the character's pronouns come into play, it should be a little more clear what's going on. If you're someone who wants to practice with crazy pronouns in your own speech like they/them or ze/zer, I highly recommend just writing a quick story with those to see how comfortable it can be. (Also special shoutout to my boi Flowey so I could use it/its pronouns, HAH.)

In all this time, not a single person has pointed out my annoyingly extensive use of bone vocabulary whenever I describe any part of Sans! What can I say, I'm a bit of a skeleton nerd, and I saw a hilarious opportunity. But like... did anyone find my shenanigans annoying? Did anyone have to google Patella?

If there are any readers of mine who are also Undertale Fanfic writers, congrats! I had a lot of fun writing about parallel universe theory, and the implications I wrote in my narrative implies that all fanfics are just another parallel universe and are canon. You're welcome.

All jokes aside, I would like to wish everyone a lovely night. SUPER HUGE SPECIAL THANKS TO ALL MY READERS, HOLY HECK YOU'RE THE REASON I KEPT GOING. I'm working really hard to become a real writer and I'm writing actual original stories that I share online as well. Feel free to message me about those, or literally anything actually. I would love to hear from you, I'm always available to chat here or on my other sites. ;) (Also I have like... a youtube channel too...? Ah, no one cares.)

Lastly, a very warm and special thank you to Toby Fox. Undertale is one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Much love and devotion, Vicky Violet

#undertale #fanfic #comic sins #vickyvioletdraws #vickyvioletwrites #fanfiction #end #thank you for reading #toby fox

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cousinslavellan-archive · 6 years ago

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Things I Accomplished in 2018

Hello, friends. I don’t normally make a post about this - I don’t think I do, anyways. I don’t normally feel like I’ve done enough to bother making a post about it, really. But I sat down today, and I got thinking, and I realized - shit. I’ve actually done quite a bit this year. I’m still a hermit, but I wasn’t as much of a hermit, I guess.

So I thought I’d make a post. As much for my own sake, almost to prove to myself that I’ve done it, as it is to share. Some things I accomplished in 2018 were: (long post so beneath a cut you go)

1. I attended a butt-ton of conventions and cosplayed a lot

Guys, I went to eight conventions this year. EIGHT. I normally go to, like, TWO.

I attended EGLX worked MTAC in March, drove down to Motor City Comic Con (my first ever states con!) and hit up Anime North in May, had Yeticon in June, Conbravo! in July, survived FanExpo in September, and just enjoyed wandering around Toronto Fan Days in December! It’s been hectic! It’s been crazy!

It’s been fun. And speaking of those conventions, I cosplayed at every single one.

Now I’m not going to lie - 90% of the time, I was femshep this year, whether in armor or casual. What can I say? She’s a fun character to cosplay! And going off remarks from other people, I do a good job at her! (Which makes me stupidly happy, because another thing I’d like to say I’ve gotten better at is cosplay makeup)

I also cosplayed Summer Corrin from Fire Emblem Heroes, and brought back an oldie that’s been stashed in my closet - Hitomi Kanzaki from Escaflowne, whom I’d like to think I did a much better job of this time around.

2. Creatively Speaking, I’ve actually done a decent amount of writing this year - and a lot of it’s been about original characters!

I started the year off with the newest update to my Shakarian AU series, Return to Duty (I’ll get back to this this year, I swear guys), followed by my Shrios AU, Falling for the Prey (which, according to AO3, I finished in like a month... geez, go me!) and then I dove into Rose and Rainer... and the rest, as they say, is history.

I also discovered a love for wigs in general - and that I’m a bit of a chameleon that can wear anything except a black wig, hurray?

To this day, I cannot believe the amount of love and support I’ve received for this story and these characters - I went into it figuring no one would care, and was pleasantly surprised! R&R then spawned Broken Souls after chatting with @wafflesrock16 and others, and realizing that Lily needed to have survived... a fic that’s now been finished, leaving yet another AU idea in it’s place alongside R&R.

I finished writing Misadventures, and wrote various oneshots, including Specter and Alchera, and just... got back into, again.

3. Speaking of Conventions and Cosplay and Fandom... not only was one of those conventions in the States, I’ve made a ton of new friends this year through all of these mediums!

I started the year off by going to freaking Disney Land!! with one of my best friends, @ariannadi - I took my first ever flight January 1st, 2018, and managed to make it to California - which was also my first time leaving Canada, ever. We had a blast, and I got to see Adi again in May when she came to join us here for Anime North!

A week prior to AN, I drove my butt down to Michigan to attend Motor City with the lovely @scientistsalarian - it was our first time meeting, and it was a blast. I even managed to briefly kidnap Laura for Fanexpo in September!

I met a bunch of new Critical Role friends through the cons as well - mostly by yelling at them from my booth at MTAC, since I couldn’t move but I could see cosplays, oops! But hey, it worked!

I even got to meet the lovely @kittenkakt in person when she came down for the BTS concert in Hamilton! Totally worth the drive out to see you in person Kat ♥

Fandomwise, my OC writing has almost... drawn me out of my shell, so to speak. At least a bit. I talk to so many more people now then I used to, and I don’t know what I’d do without you guys. Seriously. Even if we don’t talk everyday, I appreciate the hell out of you, and my life is better for you.

Let’s see, what else... oh...

4. I Started Collecting D&D Dice... and playing, sort of.

Though the playing is more recent, and we’ll see how it goes... wish me luck on this, yeah? I’m still a super newb who just really, really likes pretty dice.

5. I’ve also Finally gotten to the weight I want to be at!

Which... I never thought I would do, to be honest. I figured I was stuck. Then because of migraines, I stopped drinking all pop, and I avoid MSG and aspartame and try my damn best to eat well... and I’ve dropped. It’s a crazy feeling. I’m gonna do my best to hold on to it.

The hell else did I do this year? I tried VR? It was cool, but I got motion sickness - oh well.

I got to see Aqua with @tia-luna ! It was a ton of fun - made my 90s heart so happy.

I’ve spent time with friends - I kidnapped @toastmage on a family boat trip in the summer, that was interesting. We both got sunburnt oops.

And... I’ve had my Lasik retouched. I think that’s it? I’ve hit all the important points. And I hope you guys will agree... I did pretty well, this year.

Nico’s resting and healing as he speak, so he should be back to normal for 2019. I’ll be 29 in May... yeesh.

I’d say my goals for this year are... drink more water. Try to have more fun. Get better cosplay pictures lmao.

I want to break out Leafa again, and do a better job - if we do our Little Witch group this year, I’ll be Lotte, and I have another wig on the way for... something cough.

And, finally, just a big shoutout to all the awesome friends I’ve made either before 2018 or during, that’ve stuck around and helped keep me sane this year. You’re all awesome, and I love you and wish you nothing but the best in the coming year.

@wafflesrock16 @ariannadi @kittenkakt @squigglysquidd @sassy-hufflepuff @savbakk @lynngo-art @tiaraofsapphires @padawanminimilka @shiverpeakstraveler @morganeilish @soddingcloudgazer @theravenofwynter @bethadastra @scientistsalarian @theladyw @mordinette @cerulean--blues

And to all of my followers - Have a Safe and Happy New Year ♥ ♥ ♥

#accomplishments #2018 #things i've done #how far i've come #cosplay #conventions #fandom #writing

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shadowsong26fic · 5 years ago

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Coming Attractions!

Meant to post this yesterday, got distracted, whoops…

I actually don’t have a whole lot of Stuff planned – I think this month, I’m going to try and focus on rebuilding/keeping up momentum with Precipice. Maybe one or two other things? I’ll probably do a formal Open Question Night/Prompt Call later in the month, too, because Why Not. Not for Father’s Day (since I didn’t do Mother’s Day this year), but anyway keep an eye out for that!

Precipice:

I am slowly getting back up to speed with updates, hurray! There should be two new chapters (or maybe three, if I’m really on top of things) in June, if I want to keep on the pace I set for myself.

I may also have a deleted scene coming out soon--I was originally planning to be a Padme bit in the chapter I posted a couple days ago, but it ended up feeling redundant/like retreading some of the other conversations she’s already had with Bail and Mon. So, I might post some of the bits I liked as a deleted scene, or I might repurpose them for when we check in with her again. Or possibly both! Not 100% decided yet.

What else...we’ll also see Infernalis again in this arc, and briefly Dr. Naar who I adore and keep forgetting to actually put on-page, lol.

Other SW Fic:

The Devoted went over really well! I’m still pretty proud of how that turned out. I know I said above that I was gonna focus on Precipice this month, but I do have a companion piece, featuring Bail and Obi-Wan, for this fic mostly written that I’m hoping to get out this week sometime.

Also, I really wanna get back to doing AU Outlines, because they’re a lot of fun…so, possibly an update for Ventress will finally come out? We shall see. I also have a couple of others that I should finish--Let’s Go Steal a Crossover, the Mask of Zorro Fusion No One One Person Asked For, a few others that have been vaguely kicking around in my head. I may also port another one up to AO3. Possibly the Rabbit Hole AU? I am undecided.

I also need to get back to Distaff and Auxiliaries and Phoenix!Verse, but probably not this month. At least not posting.

Original Fiction:

I did get a piece out last month, go me! Gonna try and finish updating the Lux and Farglass Cycle archives. Maybe set one up for Untitled Intrigues Story? I probably have enough posted content for it to be worth it…I should also title that story at some point, lol.

Miscellaneous Other Fandom Stuff:

I’ll probably put up another snippet/grab bag of snippets from the Epic Crossover RP of DOOM at some point this month, because it continues to delight me. Also, it is now officially eleven fandoms, and probably over a thousand pages long…anyway, since it did technically start life as a Precipice/MCU (with some comics details pulled in) crossover, jumping in around the Battle of Yavin, timeline-wise, there are some super spoilery bits that I’m fond of but can’t post yet, but. Well. Like I said, over a thousand pages. I can find something good, I’m sure XD.

(The other nine fandoms, for the curious, are: Battlestar Galactica, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, The Daisy Dalrymple Mysteries, Thrilling Adventure Hour: Beyond Belief, Thin Man, The Phantom of the Opera, Castle, West Wing, and now Person of Interest.)

On a semi-related note, I’m somewhat tempted to go back and rework some of my old BSG fic, or actually write out some of the ones I never got down (i.e., The Other Battlestar; an alternate version of For Sorrow Sung, of which I had several; I had a Doctor Who crossover and an Earth’s Children crossover at one point…). Again, probably not this month, but it’s noodling around in my brain now. Maybe some of those would work as outlines? The crossovers, at least. We shall see.

...yep, I think that pretty much covers it! What have you all been up to lately?

#shadowsong26fic #coming attractions #miscellania

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imusedtoitipromise · 6 years ago

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I feel like I’m generally pretty good at beginning posts but this one I’m struggling with. There’s no easy way to broach the subject or ease into it, so I guess I’m just going to go for it.

I had an abortion

I’m in no way shape or form embarrassed or upset with my decision. In fact, I knew that this was the absolute right choice for me. What I am worried about is that it’s a very touchy subject. I know that different people have different beliefs and I think I’m mostly afraid of upsetting someone else. At the end of the day, it was my decision. I’m happy, I have no emotional attachment to the situation, and I can only hope that writing about my experience and help others. When I set out to find information about both procedures I had a very hard time finding personal stories and experiences.

You know how when you get that feeling? The feeling that maybe something is off, something bad is going to happen, or you know that your gut instinct is right? I just knew. My period is very regular. It always has been, ever since my fist one when I was 10. My best friend and I generally have very close cycles. We do this dumb thing where we send each other the same emoji 3 times with confetti. This means, “hurray! I got my period, I’m not pregnant.” Except neither of us had sent or received our special coded message. I messaged her and she said “oh yeah, I just forgot to send it. I’m 3 days in.” That’s when I knew.

That evening was filled with anxiety. I suppose it started to make sense why I had been so damn tired recently. Why I was a bit more sensitive than normal. Which, I suppose does fluctuate due to the whole Bipolar 2 situation. The next day was Saturday. Now I usually spend the weekend at my partners house. I usually come over Friday after work and then I leave Sunday afternoon. That Friday I just happened to be too tired from work and due to it being a 40-50 minute drive I just stayed home. The next day I went to his house. We planned to go to the Zoo. I felt like I was more quiet than normal. It was also very hot outside. The other zoo guests were terrible people in general. (I ended up alerting their guest services area that there were some teenage boys harassing the goats, if that gives you an idea of how people were behaving.) We fed the giraffes, walked around, looked at most of the animals and then left.

Before I arrived at his house I stopped at a grocery store and bought a few things, among those was a boxed pregnancy test, which contained two tests. The box advertised that it gave early results, which I’m sure is very helpful if you’re trying to conceive. After we got home from the zoo we kind of hung out. I was very quiet and I’m sure I had a concerned look on my face. At some point he asked if I was okay. “Soo my period is late and I think I might be pregnant.” I was absolutely terrified of telling him. Now, he and I had discussed what we both wanted in our lives, politics, beliefs, and what not in the past. We’re more or less on the same page for everything, including not wanting children. I knew he would have the same feelings about abortion that I did. I was afraid of him deciding he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was afraid of him deciding he was done immediately and that was that. I told him I bought the test and that I was afraid to take it. He said it was going to be okay.

I sat on the bed for a few more minutes and said “okay well... I guess I should go do the thing.” I went to the bathroom, read the instructions 3 times, and then took the test. I was too afraid to look, so I flopped on the bed and I asked him to look for me. I feel like at this point I already knew. He walked in to the bathroom and once he returned he very calmly said “there’s two lines.” This means the test was positive. It was confirmed that I was pregnant. I told him about my fears and that I was afraid to tell him. He held me close and said that none of those things would happen. He took the news so calmly and it was such a huge relief. We played a few video games, cooked dinner, and then I took another test several hours later. It came up positive immediately, as in less than a minute. I came back to the living room area, sat on the floor, and just cried. He held me, assured me everything was going to be okay, and then we began to look at our options.

Because it was now Saturday night we couldn’t make any phone calls so we did all of our research online. We found out that there were two options- Medical (pill) and Surgical (surgical procedure performed by a doctor in an office) After reading about both online I decided that I wanted to have the surgical procedure. The pill had way more potential and longer lasting side effects. The stories I had read were not very positive and due to my already high anxiety, I decided I would feel safer at an actual doctors office. The procedure would be over 1,2,3 and that was that.

I spent all of Sunday sleeping with the exception of a few hours of being awake for dinner. We decided to make a list of all of the things to ask my insurance company and Planned Parenthood. I slept probably until 3 pm on Monday afternoon. I ended up calling PPH first, they said that they do take insurance, to call my provider, and ask about elective abortions. The insurance told me they covered the procedure. I called back PPH, gave them my insurance information, and booked my appointment. They told me that they would call me 24-48 hours before the procedure and give me the total cost.

I ended up staying at his place until Tuesday. I came home told my roommates what was going on and let them know that he would be staying with me for the weekend and that I would be taking a medical leave. My appointment was scheduled for Friday at 1:20pm. The week felt like it crept by, being constantly tired didn’t help the situation, either. My partner came over Thursday night. I barely slept and I was beyond nervous. However, there was a problem, we never heard back from PPH about the cost. We decided to call them. It turns out they actually didn’t accept my insurance so the procedure would cost $595. That was money that neither of us had to spend so we decided to make a few more phone calls and do some more research.I also set up my short term disability and medical leave. We ended up finding a clinic that was much cheaper even though they didn’t accept insurance. Our new appointment was set for 10:30 the following day, which was a Saturday.

Saturday morning I woke up and was beyond nervous. We arrived at the clinic and there were a few protesters. I wasn’t phased by them even though they were relentless. One of the women said “oh your mother must me so proud of your decision.” my response was “your mother should have swallowed”. I was quite pleased with that. We made it inside and it was PACKED. I began my paperwork. 10 minutes after signing in they called me back for a urine test. They never told me what order things were going to be happening in. Every place that offered these services said to plan on being at the clinic for roughly 3-5 hours. I returned to my paperwork, nervously filling it out. 10 more minutes and I was called back again. This time they were taking my blood pressure, heart rate, my iron levels, and checking to see if my blood was Rh negative or positive. My blood is Rh positive (if you have negative you have to have a short in order to have a successful pregnancy) my iron levels were good. My blood pressure is always fantastic, thankfully. Though, they had to check it twice because my heart rate was roughly 128bpm due to the anxiety.

I returned to the waiting room finishing my paperwork, I turned it in to the window and they told me to have a seat. An hour later they called me back for the ultrasound. They couldn’t find anything because the pregnancy was so early, around 4-5 weeks. The ultrasound technician made me feel pretty stupid. I also found out my uterus is flipped downward which also made it harder to detect anything. She told me that I would have to have a vaginal ultrasound or I could come back in two weeks.

I went back to the waiting room and then I was called back again. I assumed this is when the procedure would be happening. They would not let my partner come back with me and this made my anxiety even worse. Fortunately this was just the consultation. The nurse that helped me was amazing. She was so patient and kind. She explained EVERYTHING that I had questions about. She really went above and beyond by taking her time with me. After talking with her I decided that I would like to have the Medical (pill) procedure, especially because my partner could not be with me for any of the scary parts. The next step was to wait for the doctor to arrive.

They told us the doctor would be coming from a city that its roughly an hour and a half away at most. We decided to go and get something to eat. I wasn’t very hungry so we just went to get some donuts and an icee. We also got to stop at a very important memorial that commemorated a horrible act of hate. It was my first time seeing the memorial since the event two years ago. It really filled my heart that there was an abundance of love there. You could just feel it.

We arrived back at the clinic 30 minutes later and the doctor still hadn’t arrived. It was probably close to 2:30. To spare you all the details we waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, on the doctor. I wasn’t seen until 5:30, which is fine. Only 7 hours after the initial appointment. I finally see the doctor. He does the ultrasound, finds the pregnancy, and he told me how the pills work. He gave me a note excusing me from work for 3 weeks, due to the post procedure instructions. I took the first pill, which stops the pregnancy and was instructed to take the other pills to expel everything 24 hours later. I was also prescribed percocet for the pain. The doctor said because it was such an early pregnancy, the abortion would feel like a strong period. He prescribed me birth control and asked if I would like a copy of the ultrasound. I said yes, took my things, and was on my way.

We stopped to get food, went back to my partners house and I just fell asleep. I’ve done a lot of sleeping in the past week and a half. I ended up sleeping through the night. We ended up leaving his house around 3pm. We stopped at the pharmacy, dropped off my medical leave paperwork, and then made our way to my place.

I cleaned up the kitchen and my room. I also put my bedding in the wash. Around 5pm I took the percocet and at 5:30 I put the misoprostal in between my cheeks and my gums and let them dissolve. They tasted like bitter, chalky, paper. Within 25 minutes was in excruciating pain. I can absolutely say that it was the worst pain I have ever experienced. I went to the bathroom and told my partner that I wouldn’t be locking the door in case I needed him. 5 minutes after I had been in the restroom I messaged him and asked for water. At this point I was sitting on the toilet doubled over in pain. I thanked him for the water and he left. A few minutes later I messaged him with the word “help”. I was in so much pain I couldn’t speak. The most I could stammer was “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

He brought a small portable fan into the bathroom and made sure it was blowing on me. He sat on the edge of the tub and held my hand. The door was left open and my sweet dog came in and placed his head on my arm. He also didn’t leave my side. I ended up getting off the toilet and laying on the floor. I was whimpering in pain and trying to breathe through it the best that I could. I eventually got up and made it into my room. I curled into a ball on my bed, continuing to breathe and whimper through the pain. I also asked for a cool wet wash cloth for the back of my neck and that seemed to help. He got me another percocet, made sure I had something to drink, and made sure I was as comfortable as I could possibly be. I ended up going in and out of sleep.

The evacuation process did not being until about 3 hours after I had taken the misoprostal. I mentioned that I wish I had something bland like crackers. I eventually decided on wanting soup so he left to get me some. Shortly after he left the pain got VERY intense. I went into the bathroom and that is when the evacuation process began. The cramps came back in waves and while they were strong, they were nowhere near as bad as they were in the beginning. I’m sure taking more percocet helped with that tremendously. He was gone for roughly 20 minutes and by the time he returned the miscarriage had happened. I laid back in bed, he brought my fan in, and I slept for a bit longer.

I woke up about 30 minutes later and relocated to the couch to eat my soup and we watched some TV to take my mind of everything. I was finally feeling much better, but I still felt very hazy. Around 1:30 he made my bed, made sure I was comfortable and we went to sleep. He woke me up the next morning, made sure I took another percocet, and then I fell back sleep.

I woke up several hours later and was finally feeling more like myself. All in all I have no emotional attachment to the abortion itself. I have no remorse, no guilt, and I 200% know I made the right decision. I’m glad we had this option available. Even though it was painful for a few hours I’m glad I went through with this. I think if he could have come with me and I was further along I would have chosen the surgical procedure. The clinic itself was just okay. I wish the doctor would have been more punctual but I’m glad it’s finally over and done with.

This whole experience ended up being very positive for me. I think a great deal of it had to do with having a partner who supported me every step of the way, didn’t leave my side, and made sure I was as comfortable as possible. Also knowing that this was exactly what I wanted to do made a big difference as well. As far as post procedure goes, I’m not having heavy bleeding or extreme cramping. If anything I’m happier and I feel like a stronger person as a whole.

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acertaincritic · 7 years ago

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The Last Jedi - Opinion

To say that I have mixed feelings about this movie would be a serious understatement. I have a chaos in my head, a tangle of let-down hopes, pleasant surprises, and above all else, my inner critic’s ramblings. One thing I can say for sure – it’s better than “The Force Awakens”. But I guess it doesn’t tell you much, eh? Well, let’s try and unpack this mess, shall we?

Heavy spoilers under the cut.

But I mean it.

I. Do. Not. Hold. Back.

Where do we start when all the words fail us? How do we begin to describe the infinity? Eh, I don’t know. But for this movie, let’s start with all the good things, and then dive right into the bad stuff. Pretty much like “The Last Jedi” does.

So… Characters. I was surprised to find that I actually came to like Finn in this movie. He’s proactive, he’s heroic, he’s got motivation – a solid character now, that guy. Rose I liked too, and Poe, and of course good ol’ Leia. Luke was outstanding, and even more so Kylo Ren. Almost every character (see who’s missing?) got better by miles; I was sincerely afraid for some of them, and sad to see others go. Whoever was the screenwriter, they’re definitely praiseworthy.

Next. Special effects, camera work, music… But I don’t really have to list these, do I? What else do we expect from a high-budget Disney movie these days? Scene writing – and directing – was pretty good too. An example: we pick up with Rey just where she ended in the last movie: offering Anakin’s lightsaber to Luke on a forgotten island… He takes it, and then throws it away like nothing – brilliant! That’s the last thing the viewer expects, but at the very same, it aligns very well with Jedi’s ideal of not getting attached to things. To Luke, a Jedi Master, this lightsaber means nothing. It’s a little twist, but a twist that makes sense.

There’s plenty of other fun moments too. Luke teaching Rey the first lesson about the Force? With a blade of grass? I cracked a smile then, and at many other occasions too. Unfortunately, at some point creators seem to have got lost in the form, and stopped caring about the substance – more on that in a second.

Kylo-Rey talks. I loved it. Even more I loved the way Luke-Kylo past was revealed, complete with the little tweaks. When Luke first gives his lie about how he just went to Kylo to talk, this is what we see on screen – a memory he wants to remember. When it’s Kylo’s turn, we see Luke from his POV – a mad killer ready to strike. When we finally get to know the truth, we can see how both the versions came to be, and the whole picture makes an awful lot of sense.

Kylo and Rey vs Snoke. There are problems with this scene, undoubtedly, but overall I would be willing to forget them if not for what followed. Before that, though – the way Kylo killed Snoke was just perfect. I was holding my fingers crossed the entire sequence, and was not let down. Just. Why couldn’t the movie end right then and there?

That would be this. All the pleasant surprises listed above. Should I let my inner critic speak now? And heck, he has a lot to say…

Troublesome worldbuilding and inconsistencies

This is something that I care the least for, when compared to the other stuff, but it’s still a huge problem. See, there are things in this movie that just don’t make sense, or render the past actions laughable. The most obvious thing – destroying a super big imperial ship by jumping into hyperspace for a split of second, then dropping out of it. And I ask – if that’s possible, why didn’t we see any other character do it? Where’re the hyper-drive based missiles, why didn’t the Rebellion use this trick anytime before? Judging by the scale of destruction, they could’ve easily destroyed a Death Star with it – no need for a suicidal mission for a few dozens of pilots, let’s just send a single kamikaze. Bah, if a human can do it, then all the more a droid or a well-programmed computer. We see the ball take control of an imperial walker after all, why can’t it steer a ship as well? No need for anyone to die, let’s just keep building droids and ships with hyper-drive… Oh no, actually, the Empire can do it as well! Look how funny the battle scenes look now – like two fleets of comets raining against each other. Well.

Time flow is another serious problem. We know that the plot is supposed to take 18 hours – and yet Rey manages not only to spend at least a day on Luke’s planet (it feels like much longer), but also to return to the Rebellion in time for her facedown with Snoke and Kylo. What happened? Previously, even travelling by hyperspace took long hours; now it functions like teleportation.

There’re many other problems like this, and I’m sure you’ll find science nerds to list ‘em all. I’ll stop at this – I believe you see the point. And, like I said, this is the least of the problems.

The Force and its philosophy

Long story short, the Force is pretty much omnipotent right now. The sky is the limit! No, wait, actually, the sky is but a little obstacle… After all, Luke’s got no problems fighting Kylo through the Force when he’s in some faraway point of the galaxy. The creators were careful enough not to show us any actual map, but even assuming that they were barely a system away, these are still light years apart. Even in the Prequel Trilogy, for all its flashy somersaults and prophetic dreams, Force Users were not wizards. They could fall to the fire of a few blasters, and they weren’t able to do much against a full unit of fighters. But here? Who cares! Everything can be done, starting with reading one’s entire mind, finishing at surviving in the vacuum for long minutes and even levitating to safety. Basically Jedi are the new Superman of the galaxy, ugh.

Don’t get me wrong. I like magic, and I like the concept of the Force as something more mystical than just ‘microorganisms living in one’s body’. Previously I was often irritated that the characters don’t use it as often as they could, or that they do something outstanding one moment to forget about it twenty minutes later. But here? Here the creators went over the top, then climbed up the Mount Everest, and then decided that they’re still too low. The perfect balance of Force abilities I found in “The Rebels” seasons one and two – here it’s completely broken.

Speaking about the balance… the philosophy is a problem as well. It’s clearly established that the balance of the Force means both the Dark Side and the Light Side. That when there’s great light, there’s also great darkness. The problem is, it doesn’t make sense. If that was the balance, then what about the Chosen One? Why would Jedi wait for him, knowing that he would have to destroy them? Bah, is there any sense fighting for the Light then? We know for sure that the evil will only rise again, because ~balance~. What kind of message is that?

See, previously, the balance of the Force was the Light Side. The Jedi’s philosophy was to surrender to the will of the Force, to preserve harmony. The Dark Side, on the other hand, was extracting your will over the Force. Literally forcing events to go your way. This was why Jedi had various colors of lightsabers, and the Sith only red. This was why Sith’s eyes would change color – to reflect that what they were doing wasn’t natural. Bah, eventually their bodies would rot and turn ugly, distorted. The Light Side Users didn’t suffer that.

Now it’s all over the place. And it doesn’t make sense. Honestly, I never found the idea of surrendering to an outside will compelling, but at least it was consisted and provided a great explanation as to why the Sith are evil, and the Jedi good. Sure, you can say that the Jedi Order eventually rotted and let Darth Sidious rise – but it was because of their complacency and tendency to choose meddling in the politics over guarding the galaxy, not because something was inherently wrong with their philosophy. Now it’s because it was necessary for the balance, apparently.

Structure problems

Putting the clumsy worldbuilding aside, the first two-thirds of the movie are really great. The characters get development. We learn about what happened between Luke and Kylo. Kylo and Rey are having their strange conversations, really enjoyable to watch and adding depth to both of them. Then their showdown with Snoke – and what a twist, Kylo kills his evil master in a clever moment of badassery. And the fight! And Finn and Rose get captured! And the rebel ships are being destroyed one by one! But eventually Kylo and Rey win – what a great finale!

Just that… it’s not the finale yet. There’s another twist – Kylo’s not good after all, he killed his master only to take his place! And the imperial ship got cut in half by a kamikaze attack, so Finn and Rose have to run away ASAP! And the rebels reach their old base, hurray! What a great fina–

No, wait! The baze is now under attack by Kylo! And nobody responds to the rebels’ call for help, and they’re trapped inside, they have to destroy the big-ass cannon that the imperials have brought, and Finn is ready to commit suicide to do so, what a great f–

But wait! Finn is saved by Rose, and Luke suddenly comes for the rescue, now he’s facing against Kylo, and–

Do you see it? There’s no finale in this movie. There’re a good few sequences that would work very well as the finale, if they stood alone. But they don’t – they come one by one, with little to no break in between. The first one’s great, the second a surprise, but the third is tiresome, and the fourth straight-out irritating. You just can’t hold your viewer on the edge for so long – they want a conclusion, not an endless cycle of ‘they almost made it but...’ And I must say, the twists are very cheap too. No foreshadowing whatsoever, no satisfaction when they happen – all save the Snoke scene. Why the creators didn’t decide to go through with what the story was clearly building up to is beyond me. It was perfect, it was interesting, it was against the tropes – and yet they turned around in the last moment. It’s like an overly elaborate matryoshka doll. You unpack a layer after a layer, at first interested but then progressively more annoyed, hoping to finally find the last, whole doll – but in the end there’s nothing inside, just empty air.

Seriously, I felt like the creators were jumping at me from behind the corner, crying, ‘Surprise!’, in their childish belief thinking that they are being clever. But you can laugh at a cheap trick like this once, twice, maybe even thrice – then you’ll find that you’ve had enough. You don’t want every corner to be a playground for the insistent kid. Pulling things out of your ass is not a plot twist.

Just too many unfulfilled promises. After this crazy ride, we ended up just where we started, with a very cliche ending. I can’t even express how massively disappointed I am.

Rey

When I was a child, I dreamt of a female Jedi, you know? I imagined countless little stories of kinda-my-insert training, and eagerly pinpointed female Jedi among the fallen ones in the “Revenge of the Sith” to prove to myself that it was possible.

Nevertheless, Rey is by far the worst Star Wars lead I have ever seen.

She’s nothing. She has no character at all. No writing, no backstory, no motivation to be a hero. Luke wanted to be a Jedi because he wanted to be like his father – and then he had to grow and mature when he discovered his father’s true identity. Rey doesn’t grow, doesn’t mature. You can’t grow something that is nonexistent in the first place.

Why did Rey help Finn and the rebels in “The Force Awakens”? Even Rose has her reasons – she gives us a story of how Empire destroyed her home planet. But what did Empire do to Rey? Nothing. It was her parents who left her on Jakku as a slave. Sure, she wanted to be free, have adventures, just like Luke. But she didn’t have to join rebellion for that. She could’ve just left them once she got off Jakku, become a smuggler, bah, an imperial officer even. Why not?

To Luke, Empire was what killed his father. He wanted revenge, in some extent, I’m certain. Sure, that conviction turned out to be false – but he didn’t know about it when he left Tatooine with Obi-Wan and Han Solo. Rey doesn’t have a motivation. There’s just this weak ‘because everybody can see that Empire is EVUIL, mwhahaha.’ But really, this is a meta reason and as such, should not be considered at all. We as the audience can see it – Rey cannot.

Worse, even. In the second movie, Luke had to face his own Dark Side. First in the cave, where he failed, then in the form of Darth Vader who turned out to be his father – the man Luke had strived to imitate. He thought that it meant becoming a hero, just to discover that he was so, oh so wrong. But at this point he had grown close with the rebellion, with Leia and Han. He had other reasons to fight.

Rey didn’t change in this movie. What was the point of her cave scene? She went in there, saw some funny vision, and went out. No shock, nothing learned. ‘But, Critic,’ you may say, ‘she had an arc this time – she wanted to find out who her parents are!’

No. Just no. Yes, it was mentioned several times, but it was also 100% superficial. It was as if the creators realized that hey, our protagonist is completely bland, we need to give her something – and decided that of course, searching for her parents would be the right thing. Luke had something similar, right? The problem is, this searching in no way reflects in Rey’s actions.

Had it really been an integral part of Rey’s character, she would have taken Kylo’s hand.

Why not? She supposedly struggled to accept the truth that her parents were nobody, that they sold her and then died somewhere away, that they didn’t want her – and here’s the guy that does want her, that begs her to join him. Why shouldn’t she take his offer? From what she knew, Luke abandoned his mission and preferred staying on his tiny island to saving the galaxy. Why shouldn’t she join Kylo, who had just saved her from Snoke, with whom she had faced against multiple opponents?

There’s only one reason – because it’s not what heroes do. But Rey has no reason to be a hero! Bah, she didn’t even need to learn from anybody, she was a perfect good girl from the start. She’s the one lecturing Luke about his duties, not the other way round. Even Yoda states that she already knows what it means to be a Jedi. How? Why? How dare you ask! She’s super powerful because, uhm, ah… I know! Because balance! Because when Dark Kylo grows stronger, then so does Rey, because she’s his counterpart in the Light.

Don’t you find it ironic? The creators pretty much admitted that Kylo was the one who did all the heavy lifting. Rey’s power isn’t something she achieved – she was given it by the Force for the sake of ill-understood balance, because Kylo worked hard to grow more powerful.

Blah. And the creators probably congratulate themselves on writing a strong female lead. How condescending can you get? I want a female Jedi as the lead – but I want a female Jedi who is a character, not a mere plot device with a ‘woman’ slapped on the back as her only characteristic. I’ll eagerly wait for one – right now, I can only turn to “Clone Wars” and Ahsoka.

That would be all. I’m pretty sure that I missed plenty of things – but I feel fulfilled nonetheless. Thank you for reading so far, and may the Salt be with you. Always.

#the last jedi #star wars #rey #kylo ren #luke skywalker #opinion #analysis

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cromulentbookreview · 7 years ago

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A Perfectly Cromulent List of the Best Books I’ve Read This Year

Well, the best books I’ve read this year that I haven’t cromulently reviewed on this site. I read a lot of books because it’s what I like to do and I don’t really have a lot of friends to hang out with, or really anything that I do besides work and grad school so...yeah, I read a lot. My Goodreads challenge this year is 100 books, which would be the first and only time I’ve ever read 100 books in a year. I’m at 95 right now - so close! Just gotta get some short books and audiobooks in, and I’ll be good!

Anyway.

Below are some of the books I’ve read this year that I really liked, but didn’t feature here.

The Cromulent Book Review is where I like to post reviews of ARCs so I can ensure that I keep getting them.

ARC = Free Book!

Free Book = Me happy.

Therefore:

Happiness = x(ARC+1) + H^2.

I have no idea if that equation works or even makes sense. Math was never my strong suit. Maybe I should’ve paid attention instead of reading The Hobbit under my desk.

Anyway! Here, in no particular order, are some of the best books I’ve read this year:

Cucumber Quest by Gigi D.G.

Did you know this is a webcomic? Yeah, it is. I did not when I read the ARC from Netgalley, so I was all sad when I thought I’d have to wait for more books...but you don’t! Hurray! One of the best graphic novels / webcomics I’ve ever come across - snarky, subverts most familiar fantasy tropes, and, best of all: bunnies. And bunny-related puns. It’s fan-fricking-tastic. Read it now. Then go buy the books! Go on, I’ll wait.

Castle in the Stars: The Space Race of 1869 by Alex Alice

Love it. It has everything I love: German history, Steampunk, gorgeous illustrations, space travel...I desperately need more than just the first volume. Also, at roughly 60 pages, these "books" are way too short! I need the whole story now, please. God, I miss Germany. Nitpicking: Neuschwanstein was only just beginning to be under construction in 1869. Ludwig II never really lived there (well, he did for a bit while it was still under construction) - he never lived to see it completed, though it wasn't like he didn't have eleventy-million other castles. Like Hohenschwangau, which is literally across the way from Neuschwanstein. It's quite nice. There's also Herrenchiemsee, Königshaus am Schachen, and Linderhof which is the only castle Ludwig II lived to see completed. Neuschwanstein was opened to the public immediately after they were done building in 1886. It's been a tourist attraction since then. ...God, I miss Germany. I need to re-up my German and my German history. I've got a book on Ludwig II in German around here somewhere...

Eden West by Pete Hautman

It's rare that I ever finish a book in a day. I am way too easily distracted by the internet, the job I’m supposed to be doing, the graduate work I’m supposed to be doing, the writing I’m supposed to be doing, the chores I really should get to before something catches fire...you know, stuff. This book I think, is the first time I've seen an Amazon Kindle 1.99 deal, gone "sounds interesting, I'll buy it." And then, on the "thank you" page, clicked "read in Kindle Cloud Reader" and started reading immediately. I was over halfway through this book when the receipt email made it to my inbox. I was sucked into this book immediately and dropped everything to read it. My only complaint is that it ended too early - I would have loved to see Jacob adjusting to life in the world outside of the Nobb, interact with society at large, meet Lynna's friends. Also, it would have been nice to see some of the jerks within the Nobb get their comeuppance or see the place be shut down altogether. Also, protip: if you have to keep telling people "it's not a cult", you're probably in a cult. Just sayin'.

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

Yeah, I went to a rural high school chock full of conservative Christians, Mormons, and, oddly enough, members of the Russian Orthodox church. No way in hell were we ever going to go near The Color Purple. I mean, if Ricochet River was too risque for my school, then The Color Purple would’ve been considered pornographic. God forbid we have any books featuring frank discussions of female pleasure! The Color Purple all about female empowerment, friendships, relationships, sex, love, hate, racism, sexism... So of course my school didn’t teach it. By far the most beautiful book I’ve read this year, and I honestly wish they’d make The Color Purple required reading for not just all high school students, but for all humans.

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

I don't often describe books as "compulsively" readable - for the most part, if I'm reading something, I can stop, switch to something else or go do something else for a while and I'll be good. But when I started The Hate U Give, I just could not stop. I had to keep reading, keep reading, keep reading. This book hooks you and just does not let go, it's awesome. The 4.5/5 is really only for some scenes which, in retrospect, set up just how normal and loving Starr's family life is, but they dragged a little too long. Some scenes could have been cut. That is my only criticism. This is a fantastic and extremely relevant book - it's another one of those books I'd like to buy multiple copies of and then just hand out to random people and be like "READ THIS NOW." Seriously, read it.

This Monstrous Thing by Mackenzi Lee

Immediately after reading The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue, I just had to get my hands on everything Mackenzi Lee had ever written, but this turned out to not be a lot...still, I inhaled This Monstrous Thing, loved it, was disappointed when I learned it wouldn’t be getting the sequel, but then my heart nearly exploded when I learned that Lee herself will be writing a YA Marvel tie-in novel...about Loki.

About. Loki.

The awesome woman who brought us Gentleman’s Guide is going to write a novel about Loki!

Also, Gentleman’s Guide is going to be getting a sequel soon! Hell yes!

That high pitched ringing you heard a couple weeks back was my fangirlish squee - unless you have tinnitus, in which case, it was tinnitus and my fangirlish squee. Mackenzi Lee is probably my favorite writer that I discovered this year, and I can’t wait to see more of her stuff in the future. She’s also very tolerant of my pestering of her via Twitter. (Sorry, Ms. Lee!)

Nimona, the Audiobook by Noelle Stevenson

Loved, loved, loved the audiobook version of Nimona! It was absolutely perfect, and probably as close to a Nimona movie or TV series that we'll ever get (fingers still crossed! Noelle Stevenson writes for TV now - come on, Marvel, make us a Nimona TV series!). It's done in a BBC Radio Play style with a full cast and original music and it's just absolutely delightful. Sir Goldenloin sounds exactly like how you think he would, too :) It's only 2.5 hours long, so it would be perfect for a long car ride or if you need something fun to listen to while cleaning or doing housework. I actually managed to clean my whole room while listening to this - made the task fun rather than torturous. My only complaint was that occasionally the voice actors would ham it up a bit with growls and groans and such, but...eh, it's an audiobook/radio play. I'm mostly just glad now that Nimona has been made accessible to the blind. Nimona is awesome and everyone should get a chance to experience it, whether or not they can see the illustrations.

Wolf Hollow by Lauren Wolk

This book broke my heart into a million pieces and then put it back together somewhat...but still. Beautiful and sad.

Bronze and Sunflower by Cao Wenxuan (曹文轩) translated into English by Helen Wang

Beautifully translated book about two young children growing up in rural China during the Cultural Revolution. A very heartwarming tale of a family sticking together no matter what in the face of poverty and diversity. Can't believe I hadn't heard of this book til it was assigned in my MLIS program! Love it love it love it. Stop everything and read it now.

The Thing About Jellyfish by Ali Benjamin

This book took my adolescence and distilled it into a middle grade novel about a girl who becomes obsessed with the idea that a jellyfish killed her ex-best friend. The way Suzy sees the world and the way people treated her was all to familiar to me, especially the story of how, around middle school, her elementary school best friend Franny suddenly became a different person, and that person didn’t want to hang around Suzy anymore. Not only that, she started being mean to Suzy. This is one of those awful, painful experiences that I’m pretty sure everyone has had at some point in their lives. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has lost a friend - whether it be because they died or they simply turned into an asshole as a byproduct of puberty.

The Last of August by Brittany Cavallaro

There are two things I love: YA and Sherlock Holmes stories, and most of the time when they're combined the end result isn't all that great, but the Charlotte Holmes books have both been absolutely amazing so far. Brittany Cavallaro became a new favorite of mine with A Study in Charlotte and she managed to top it with Last of August. I am in desperate need of book three. Right now. I don't want to wait. I need it. Neeeeeed it.

Before the Devil Breaks You by Libba Bray

Oh God, oh God, oh God why did it have to end?!? Libba Bray is perhaps my favorite YA author ever - in fact, A Great and Terrible Beauty was the gateway book to my YA addiction. I remember reading A Great and Terrible Beauty under my desk during my high school chemistry class. Worth it! So what if knowledge of chemistry never really sank in? Anyway: I tore through all those books, endured the long, awful wait for the next one, and then was depressed when they ended with The Sweet Far Thing. And then The Diviners came out in 2012 and I was immediately hooked. Who doesn’t love fiction set in the Roaring 20s? I tore through Diviners, endured the long, awful wait for Lair of Dreams, and then endured the even longer, more awful wait for Before the Devil Breaks You. My only criticism is that I, somehow, had the idea that Before the Devil Breaks You would be the last book in a trilogy - and that this book would provide all our answers and give us an ending for Evie and Sam and Jericho and Mable and Theta and Memphis and Ling...but as I made my way through the book and the number of pages I had left began to dwindle, I rapidly realized this was the final book of a trilogy, but the third book in a series. There’s going to be a book 4. Which, first off: awesome! More, please! But also: NOOO! Agh, no, I want to know all the answers! I want to know whether Evie will end up with Sam or Jericho. I wanna know if Theta will finally find happiness. I WANT TO KNOW, DAMN IT! Ugh! So it was disappointing knowing that I would be taken along for a wild ride through the Roaring 20s but with magic and special powers and a 20s Stranger Things vibe only to be set up for yet another long, awful wait for another book. Ugh! I WANT IT NOW. In fact, I NEED IT NOW!

Also, when are we going to talk about the fact that Diviners and the Gemma Doyle series take place in the same universe?? Don’t believe me? Go reread that Post Office scene from Lair of Dreams. Go on, I’ll wait. I need Gemma and her friends to show up for the final battle, or to act as a mentor to Evie or something!

Aaaagggghh. Series books. They’ll be the death of me, I tells ya!

This is by all means not a complete list. Just a list I threw together to make up for the fact that I’m lazy and not blogging because...eh, busy. And lazy. So...there are some books to read. Go read them? I dunno, you don’t have to listen to me, I’m just some random person who has a Tumblr account. Read these books or not, your choice.

Still, you should read these. They’re great.

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