#hunter x hunter crack

[the-menace-in-pink]

‘Cover them up, sl*t!’ Chrollo edition + HxH characters group chat

I don’t know what the thought process was behind this but— this what happens when: sleep deprived, on my periods, bored as f*ck. 

Not a masterpiece but I super grossly doodled that in 10min 🥹 might make an upgraded ver one of these days 💀

Zeno being a bigger Chrollo hater than Kurapika tho, bless him!

[honehonn3honey]

What happens to this empty place, waiting for my arrival...

Rook in my heart. You can read the monster list here @lustlovehart

[Alt under the cut]

This is the original version but God, I don’t see anything else and I didn’t want others to get hurt watching

Now here I put my thoughts as I drew him:

I think our beautiful creature doesn't really have a human anatomy, his limbs are long and with very little muscle covering. Their bones could click together if it fully manifested. Claws replacing part of the bony fingers and nails. You could feel the long ribs behind that thick sack

He doesn’t need beyond his big and cool gothic sack to cover his abnormal appearance, after all the is no more shadows and fog for everyone’s eyes

The darkness consumes you from the pores, in each puff of lungs, you could become one with him and he would be delighted

I feel that it is detached from all worldly, but I would keep a thing or two of those who most appreciate... like the feathers of Neige or a brooch of Vil

[crusty-chronicles]

is there any chance you could add killua for the airheaded but strong s/o headcanons? If not, then no worries, I just love how you write them!

Yeah, I don't mind but it's gonna be platonic because I'm a little iffy about writing for him romantically. He's just a boy 🥺🥺🥺 This is mostly a crack fic.

BONUS AIRHEADED S/O HEADCANNONS: Killua (HxH)

Honestly tried to kill you at one point

Oh you're strong huh?

Then proceeds to hit you with everything he's got, only to see that it hardly affected you. (Kinda like the way he first treated Zushi)

After that he's petty, but impressed.

Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 You've earned his respect 🥳🥳🥳

You're basically Gon 2.0

And he hates it

Cannot take you two anywhere

"We should break the lock to get in." Gon suggested.

"Are you stupid?" You scoffed.

"What's the point of having a door if you're just gonna break it?"

And Killua is momentarily at peace that at least one of you has some sense. Until you open your mouth again.

"Obviously we should smash open a window."

And Gon is nodding along enthusiastically

"You're right! What would we do without you 🤩"

And Killua is just 😮‍💨.

He is the parent of the group and I will die on this hill

If Gon's the sun, you're a nuke

He's constantly dragging you away from Hisoka

Nope. Not today

Why do you insist on talking to strangers.

No scratch that.

Why do you insist on talking to creepy strangers????

It gives him a massive headache everytime you almost get abducted.

Honestly thought about putting a tracker on you to avoid this happening.

But then he remembers you're practically indestructible so he drops it.

Is afraid Illumi will come for you and hurt you.

He was never allowed to have friends, and after Illumi threatened you and Gon at the Hunter Exam, he's very protective.

But then he remembers something you said after Greed Island.

"The three of us are all gonna become the best of the best. We're gonna get all wrinkly and old together and still kick butt!!! We're gonna stick together no matter what!"

And it temporarily quells the fear of his brother.

It makes him look forward to that outcome and gives him something to fight a little harder for.

When it comes to fighting, he does get a little envious of how you and Gon just rush in without thinking.

And how you always manage to win despite the circumstance.

But he never feels left behind because of it.

Like with Gon, he won't baby you, just call you an idiot and move on.

You fell?

Get up loser.

You can't read?

Find somebody else to translate. Or he'll make you do it and be laughing nonstop while you struggle to pronounce the word "Apple"

"Gon what color's an orange?"

"An orange is the same color as it's name. Just like a lemon."

Please somebody take you two back to first grade.

Killua is begging.

Even though he won't baby you, he'll rush as fast as he can if you're in actual danger.

You got caught by the phantom troupe?

"Are you completely brain dead!?!!? Where are you!?!?"

Now he regrets not putting a tracker on you.

"This nice clown man gave me candy and told me to follow him." You tell him over CALL.

"HISOOKAAAAA!!!!"

He is screaming and panicking.

You trespassed into the mountains his family lives to see him.

"WHY???? DON'T YOU KNOW ABOUT MIKE!?!?"

And when he gets there he sees you rubbing the monstrous canine's tummy. Petting him and calling him a "Good Boy."

Names he has called you out of spite: Idiot, Moron, Dummy, Psycho, Airhead, Ditz, and probably Pea Brain

On the bright side, you are Alluka's favorite person.

"Give me your ribs."

"Oh, are you hungry? Let's see if we can't find you a smokehouse for those ribs."

And it baffles both souls so much that Nanika accepts that as fulfilling her command.

Plus you have endless amounts of energy that works to drain both girls out. Even when they've both already swapped twice.

Killua designates you her official babysitter when he's busy.

You are a complete lunatic and moron, but you're one of the people he trusts the most.

Even if he does complain about you a lot.

MASTERLIST

[rahuratna]

Okay how about a silly one: player/hunter is out on a hunt with Olivia and ends up getting a concussion or something because they got distracted because "holy shit she's SO pretty" q(≧▽≦q) (this could also be done for the other support hunters as well if you feel like it!) <3 woodworks!anon

Synopsis: [MH Wilds Olivia x Hunter/Reader]

A hunt with Olivia goes terribly wrong when you manage to get yourself concussed ... and possibly ramble about your secret infatuation with her.

Genres: Romance, humour, fluff, crack.

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

(My take on the above request, provided by the lovely Woodworks! Anon, this time featuring the one and only Olivia).

This was getting out of hand.

Keeping an eye on the swaying neck of your seikret as it waded through the scarlet-hued waters of the forest, you could freely admit this fact to yourself.

It was your fault, and you knew it. You're the one who had allowed it to get to this point. It had started as a nagging little loose rock that had cascaded into an avalanche of an uncontrollable nature, the moment you'd allowed that first pebble to roll.

The subject of your thoughts chose that moment to speak.

"We're almost at the site. Ready your weapon."

Olivia.

Charismatic captain of the Astrum unit, veteran hunter, your partner on this particular hunt. And the woman who was now occupying your thoughts more than was healthy, considering your increasing infatuation with her.

This needed to stop. You needed to get it under control.

As the trees gathered and the canopy closed overhead, you could rationalise this all in some sense to yourself.

Olivia represented everything you admired in a hunter. She was powerful, exceptionally brave, cool under fire and a born leader. Her track record was singularly impressive, and you'd seen first hand how her experience translated into the field when you partnered with her on hunts.

Somewhere along the line, your professional admiration blurred over into the territory of the personal.

You found yourself listening for her deeper, melodic tones at meetings, watching out for her presence at camp, seeking out her company during the few hours of downtime you got between hunts.

You began to notice the way her hair looked a shade darker when wet, how her stride shifted from confident to purposeful when faced with an important task, the faint creases at the corners of her eyes when she favoured you with a rare smile and the way she smelt of iron, thunder and armour polish after a hunt in a storm.

You tried your best to hide this fascination, and you thought you'd done a fair job thus far. Heaven knew, if Gemma noticed anything, you'd never hear the end of it.

It couldn't be denied, however you examined it though, that Olivia was a very attractive woman, and the way she looked in the heat of battle certainly didn't help things.

Catching sight of her raised fist pulled you from your reverie and you brought your mount to a halt, alert, eyes taking in the forest around you. Although the canopy seemed peaceful, there was something that caught and snagged on your hunter instinct, something that must have struck Olivia too.

Cautiously,  you turned in a circle, listening for tell-tale sounds.

There.

To the left, in the copse of trees that leaned over the water.

You signaled Olivia and she nodded, hand slowly moving up to the hilt of her hammer. You slid from the back of the seikret, planting your feet on the ground, readying yourself.

The Lala Barina's stabbing appendage came rocketing through the undergrowth, spearing the ground with a thud before retreating. You swung swiftly, the edge of your weapon scoring a sliding scrape along the creature's skin.

It shrieked in fury and advanced, trees shoved aside as its bulk, catapulted by deceptively spindly legs, came hurtling towards you.

You dodged, rolling across the loamy earth as Olivia took the opportunity to stagger the monster with her own blow. Occupied as it now was with her, it gave you an opportunity to rush in once again, timing the fall of your strike with hers.

There it was.

That surge of exhilarating sameness that refused to lie without acknowledgement.

You couldn't deny this, the intoxicating rush that came with every blow you landed in tandem with hers, hyper aware of the swing of her waist, knowing exactly when she was going to feint, watching for the slight pivot on her left heel when she went in for a heavier attack.

It was as if even your breathing synced with hers, two predatory organisms that shared synapses, so closely interlinked that your prey stood no chance against the both of you combined.

It was also the reason that you spotted the way the Lala Barina suddenly swept back, taking an unusually short time to launch its body at the earth, the force of which could knock you both away.

And Olivia wasn't going to get out the way in time.

It wasn't that you didn't think she could tank the damage. She'd handled far worse before, and had come back swinging with a vengeance. It was more the fact that your body reacted before your mind could process the logic of what you were intending.

Holding your guard up, you gritted your teeth as you slid towards her, the shockwave of the monster's falling form knocking the wind out of you. You stumbled, foot landing awkwardly, a gasp leaving your throat as you careened sideways and then you were being dragged across the ground by the creature's follow-up attack, your head striking against some hard surface with stunning force.

Vaguely, you heard Olivia shouting out to you.

In the half-haze of your barely conscious state, you were sure you were imagining the panic in her voice.

Olivia never panicked. She was always so calm, so in control that she ...

Oh. You should probably - ah! Yes. There was a monster. It was ... hadn't it been there a minute ago? You could have sworn -

Shining.

The sunlight through the trees looked so pretty overhead. It would be nice, wouldn't it, to lie here on the ground, with Olivia next to you -

What? Yes, moving. Moving would be a good idea. The monster was actually here. Still. How persistent.

You'd have to do something about that. How could it interrupt your nice little daydream about watching clouds with Olivia? Rude.

Rude monsters had to be put down. They had no place in civilised society.

Why did your arms and legs feel like they were moving through water? So slow. So much resistance. So ... unbalanced. Whoa.

Well, at least you'd hit the thing. It was staggering back.

Moving through water. Hmm. How pleasant. Floating until it felt like the world couldn't touch you. Like the world was floating away.

Was that the monster on the ground? Did it also feel the same? Perhaps it did, because it was taking an awfully long nap.

Good. Less bother.

And was that ... was that Olivia running towards you?

But she'd been in the dream, and now she was here? She was kneeling next to you, and oh? When did you end up on the ground? Strange.

Dream Olivia had put her hands on your face. You realised that she'd taken her gauntlets off and was feeling along the base of your skull.

Ouch.

Olivia, stop it. She was poking where it hurt.

She paused and looked down at you in concern. Her lips were moving. Was she asking you a question?

No need to worry. You'd be just fine. A giggle escaped your lips and now Dream Olivia seemed even more worried.

Why so worried? The sky is blue. The clouds are so fluffy. Would you eat a cloud, Olivia? They must be tasty. Maybe they're sweet?

No? But why was she moving again? Dream Olivia was even more impatient than the monster.

Shame on you, Olivia.

She's spoiling everything. Can't she just stay here with you and watch the pretty clouds? Can't she -

Oh wow. Wow.

Did she just sweep you off your feet? Was she carrying you?

Ahhhhh, don't panic. Don't blush. Be normal. Don't kick your legs and laugh like a teenager.

What a dream this was turning out to be!

Oliviaaaa.

Your queen. Your gorgeous hunter. You couldn't  believe you were here, in her arms. It's truly a spectacular day to exist. She's so strong and amazing. She's as ... what's the phrase? Oh, come on, brain. So slow. Everything's so slow today.

Oh! Hot as a Lavasioth's scales.

No, no, Olivia is even hotter than that. When Olivia walks past, it's like being bombed by a Bazelgeuse. Knocks you to the ground and everything feels like it's exploding.

Dream Olivia is staring. Wonder why. Her shoulders are shaking too. Is she coming down with something? Oh no! Don't be sick, Olivia!

She's not? Then why is her face turning red? Her ears too! Oh here, she should let you cool off her ears. You have cool hands from the water.

Isn't that better?

Good! You wouldn't want her to come down with something.

Anyway ... is that ... a wingdrake approaching? Is Olivia going to -

Ahhhhhhhhhh. Olivia! Be careful! She can't just -

You're flying.

And Olivia is holding you so tightly. She can't drop you! She won't? Oh, you know she won't. She'd never let anyone fall and splatter all over the ground below like a fluffy egg.

Eggs.

Would Olivia like breakfast? You're very good at eggs. All kinds. If you made your eggs just right, maybe she'd think that you're beautiful too.

But the camp is already here? No! You were just beginning to enjoy snuggling with Olivia. She was ... well, maybe under all that armour she was comfortable to hold.

Was that ... dream Alma? And Gemma? Why were they running over here? Olivia had everything under control, so there was no need for their services, thank you.

Alma was shouting something.

Ouch. Less shouting Alma.

And why all the lights in your eyes? The only light you needed in your life was Olivia!

Couldn't they understand that? You were going to make her the best scrambled eggs and then she wouldn't want to hunt with anyone else! Ever!

And Dream Alma was pushing up your sleeve and ... injecting you with something? What on earth could that -

Oh. Oh.

How drowsy you felt all of a sudden. The world, and Olivia's tight hold on you was fading, fading like so many nameless hunts, drifting in the wind, and ...

When you awoke, the heavy, slightly coarse folds of the blanket were the first thing you took note of. You groaned and passed a hand over your eyes.

Your head felt like a herd of aptonoth had just stampeded through it. Reaching back, your fingers traveled gingerly over the sizeable swelling on your scalp before you flinched and slowly pulled yourself upright.

Alma was reading nearby. She scrambled to her feet and came over to you, eyes traveling carefully over your form to assess the damage.

"You took quite the hit. Are you feeling okay to sit up?"

You nodded and immediately regretted it.

She shot you a sympathetic look before pouring out a steaming healing drink from the vessel on the table beside you.

"Here. This is will bring down the swelling and ease the pain."

You took it and drank deeply, sighing as you felt the effects go to work, stealing through your body with the subtle warmth of sunshine.

"How long was I asleep?"

"We let you rest overnight. You did wake up a few times but you weren't - "

She cut off abruptly, and you squinted at her. Something wasn't right. She wasn't meeting your gaze and her mouth had suddenly pursed into familiar folds that told you she was holding back her amusement.

"What happened while I was out?"

She took the cup from you and set it down carefully, as if making sure not to startle a skittish animal.

"How much do you remember?"

Your brow furrowed as you thought back.

"I remember ... being here at camp. And getting ready for a hunt."

She nodded encouragingly.

"And then I ... rode out to a meeting point somewhere in the forest."

"And then?"

"Then ... oh, Olivia was there!"

There it was again, that flash of hidden mirth. Why was she -

"And you both fought a Lala Barina. A dangerous one. Do you remember anything about that?"

"Hmm. Not much. I think ... I saw it go for Olivia. And then I jumped in and ... yeah. Not much after that, I'm afraid."

She nodded and patted you on the knee.

"That's probably for the best."

"What do you - "

"Oho. There you are. Up and raring to go."

Gemma must have spotted you awake, and you watched, confused, as she sauntered up, a grin you could only describe as 'shit-eating' on her face. Alma prodded at her glasses and shot Gemma a look. The cheerful smithy was undeterred.

"Well now, honey hunter. Ready to get some new helmets made? Might prevent you from hitting your head and turning all smoochy again."

"Gemma."

There was a note of warning in Alma's voice, but you suddenly felt a writhing sensation in the pit of your stomach, a vaguely formed idea that something terrible had happened while you were unconscious.

"What is she talking about?"

"It's nothing! Just lie back and - "

"You mean you don't remember?"

Gemma snorted and slapped her thigh.

"You can't remember a single thing?"

"Well, no, obviously, because I - "

"So you don't remember asking Olivia on a date to eat fluffy scrambled eggs?"

And now the bottom dropped right out of your stomach, the snakes that had been writhing there a short while ago shrieking faintly as they plummeted into an endless ravine.

"I did ... what?"

Alma raised her hands as if to quell the tide of rising panic.

"Look, it's not that bad. She knows you were completely concussed when you - "

You struggled to your feet, eyes darting around the tent.

"What? Tell me now. Tell me everything. I need to know how bad it was."

"Well ... "

Gemma cleared her throat.

"Hmm. Let me see. Hmm. Hmm. Something about how you wanted to cuddle with her. And her armour was in the way. And oh, something about how beautiful and strong and amazing and gorgeous she was. So many words, so little space in my brain. And how you wanted to ... eat fluffy clouds with her? That one confused me, for sure. And yeah, there was also the bit about how you wanted to stay in her arms forever. Hard to forget that one."

Alma sprang in, seeing your expression of growing horror.

"Ah, but like I said, she knows you were not in the right state of mind. Olivia wouldn't - "

You buried your face in your hands.

"My career is over."

"What? No!"

"I'm finished. It's done. I can never face - "

"No! It's not that bad, I promise."

Gemma was polishing her fingernails against the lapel of her jacket.

"Well, that's kinda subjective. I mean, the whole camp did see you kick your legs like a four year old and shout that the only light you needed in your life was Olivia."

"End me now. Send out a request, Alma. Fifty thousand zenny and I'm the target."

"Look, just ... calm down. We can do damage control. Get the word out that you - "

"What's this about damage control?"

The flap of the tent raised, falling behind a familiar figure and the blood froze in your veins. Never, in all your years as a hunter, had you felt so much like a hapless herbivore, about to be snatched up in the jaws of a raging Anjanath.

It was Olivia.

Gemma's grin had almost spread across the entirety of her face. Alma leapt to her feet, almost blocking you from view, and you'd never been more thankful for her.

"Ah! Olivia. We ... weren't expecting you."

The woman in question raised an eyebrow, cool as ever.

"I'm just here to check on them. They took a pretty bad blow to the head."

"Well - "

"I'm fine."

You stood, placing a hand on Alma's shoulder, moving her gently out of the way. As much as you appreciated her attempt to protect you, hiding behind cover had never been your way.

No. You'd face this and take whatever consequences would come your way, no matter how crushing -

"Good." Olivia met your gaze head on, "Got me worried out there."

Oh. Was she going to pretend it never happened?

As much as the thought brought you some relief, you couldn't help but feel the heavy pall of disappointment that settled over your shoulders.

"Well, as you can see, I'm up."

You forced your face into some semblance of a smile and gave her your standard professional response.

"Hope to hunt with you again!"

She eyed you for minute that seemed to grow into an hour. Gemma and Alma were seemingly watching the exchange with bated breath.

Eventually, Olivia shrugged, running a hand through her hair in a gesture that seemed oddly awkward, glance moving somewhere to the region of your elbow.

"Yeah, sure. But I'll see you before that right? You did promise me those scrambled eggs."

"Oh, yeah, I mean ... huh?"

"Fluffy scrambled eggs, right? Said you could make them perfectly."

"Um. Yes. Yes, I can. I can make them really, really well. How about - "

"Tomorrow? I've got to sort something out in the Iceshard Cliffs this evening, but I'll be back at camp after."

"That's ... that's fine. Perfect. I'll see you then, I suppose."

"Then it's settled."

She offered a brief farewell to Alma and Gemma, pausing with her hand on the canvas flap of the tent entrance.

When she turned to face you, your knees nearly caved at the sight of her half-smile, the glance of appreciation that moved like a warm torch over your disshevelled form.

"I won't be wearing any armour. Maybe you should leave yours behind too."

In the profound silence that reigned over the tent after Olivia's departure, Gemma fanned herself slowly.

"Well now. Ain't it hotter than a forge in here?"

Based on previous notes: @pinkiedash101 @mrs-potatocat @rubberroomwithrats

[thetiredprometheus]

Fëanor, addressing the Noldor: the journey is long and hard, but we shall not be cowered!

Celegorm:

Curufin: don't.

Celegorm: I'm gonna.

Celegorm: Hey Irisse! You know what else is long and hard?

[posting-ducks44]

Every time I read a Doflamingo x reader or a One Piece fanfiction where Doflamingo's sunglasses come off, this is what I imagine he looks like. I'm not sure about what his eyes would look like, but I definitely think he would have a tan line.

[moonlightchild77]

“Iced Blood Supreme” 🩸(Tyler x Yoko One Shot)

This is something I now ship❤️ (Tyoko/Toko)

“It is Yoko’s birthday and she went to the Weathervane coffee store where Tyler’s job was. He knew exactly what she liked and so he made it for her. Hey Yoko what can I get for you, One iced blood supreme please with extra sugar and whipped cream, “Sure, coming right up” he then sat at the booth next to her and brought it to her and she starting sipping it quickly. “Woah slow down baby” Tyler said jokingly then laughing.”

“Once she was done he reached for something in his pocket it was a blood red velvet donut and he lit his candle that he got for her, “happy birthday sweetheart” he told her then Yoko blew the candle out, Tyler then wrapped his arm around Yoko’s shoulder pulling her closer then kissed her lips, careful, I might suck the blood out of you she said as a joke. I love you baby he said, love you too then they both hugged.”

The End

[opalwatch]

HXH crack theory that I'm only half joking about even though I hate the theories that this crack theory is comprised of

Sheila is Gon's biological mother. Sheila and Ging were together and they had Gon, then they broke up. Sheila is actually Pariston. Ging left Gon as a baby because he did not want to raise Pariston's child because he hates that man. It explains the sexual tension between them.

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Total $hit$how: The Tables Turn

in which Joy sorta gets asked out

cw: adult/crude language, manipulative leader

previous // Masterlist // next

×~×~×

Joy was probably driving way too fast.

She couldn't help it. Knowing that Kaius was out there, stuck who-knew-where---and Vic wasn't gonna let them help---really lit a fire under her ass. If the other two noticed the high speeds, they didn't comment on it. Jericho was staring out the window, and Benji was squeezed beside her, chewing on his thumbnail.

“I remember where we turned,” he mumbled as they entered the city limits and the truck began to slow down. “We had to go on foot for a ways, but I should be able to pick out the spot they got him.”

It was dark. Joy didn't even know what day of the week it was at this point, but it didn't look like many of the shops were open, save a bar or two.

“Then what?” she asked. “How do we find him?”

“We…” Benji trailed off, shaking his head.

“We trigger the alarm again,” Jericho answered, eyes still locked on the window. “One of us can act as bait while the other two hang back. Tail whoever comes to take them.”

“And if it's Finley?”

“Then we should've been careful what we wished for,” Joy muttered. An irrational part of her wondered if this was all part of Vic's plan. Get one of them kidnapped to teach the others a lesson about pushing back against his decrees. Well… maybe it wasn't that irrational.

“I'll play the bait,” Benji said.

Joy gave him a sidelong glance. “You sure?”

“Yeah. I mean, they already saw me. Maybe it'll be fun?” He didn't sound convinced.

“Okay,” Jer said. “We'll have our eyes on you. Promise.”

Benji nodded, hands folding in his lap. “Fuck, I hope we find him before Vic catches us.”

Joy'd had similar thoughts the whole ride down. Her optimistic side wanted to believe their handler would be impressed with a successful rescue, but a much bigger part of her doubted it. Was it even possible for them to pull this off without Vic knowing? It'd be real hard to convince him Manak came back on his own, especially if the three of them were cut up from a scuffle. 

And what happened if he did catch them? Would he kick them off the mission? This was probably the best test for pushing boundaries they were gonna get. At least it served the bigger picture. If they could pull this off, maybe there were other rules to be bent. Avenues for doing it their way instead of Vic’s.

“Up ahead,” Benji said, pointing at a brick building. “There's an alley just past there. That's where it is.”

Joy slowed to a roll, eyeing the spot as they passed it. “It's embedded in the wall?”

“Yeah, behind a… a fake brick plating or something.”

Neat. The plating was probably wired into the building itself to get the signal out; either that, or the receiver was pretty close by. Was it inlaid in the building's plans? Or maybe whoever’d built it just snuck out night after night, chipping away a secret compartment. Ballsy of them, if that was the—

“Uh, we might be a bit far?”

“Shit, sorry.” Joy hit the brakes. Probably a little too hard. The other two lurched forward in their seats.

“Okay,” Jericho said, rubbing his neck. “Benji, you can hop out here. We'll swing the truck around and keep a lookout.”

Benji gave several quick nods, but didn't say anything. Or move as Jericho unbuckled and hopped out.

“Hey, you ready?”

He shrugged. “I don't know,” he said, a nervous laugh following the words out. “I guess… easier said than done, playing bait. I mean, I've done it before, but that just means I know it's really fucking scary.”

Joy hit the release on her own seatbelt. “Then I'll do it.”

“Huh? No, you don't have to. I just need to get my nerve up—”

“I'll do it,” she repeated. “Jer, take the wheel.”

“I'm sorry,” Benji said. “I know I'm a coward, I just—”

“Benji.” She clapped his shoulder. “It's cool. Just watch my back, okay?” She was curious about the alarm system anyway.

The truck pulled away as she made her way toward the alley, cursing the dim light and her neglect to ask exactly where on the wall the panel was. Oh well, too late now. She ran her fingers along the bricks, feeling for any difference in structure with her nails. A few areas gave her a false positive, yielding nothing when she tried to pry them backwards. 

When she reached the definitely more obvious panel, she felt a little dumb for trying the others. Joy popped it off, a grin crossing her face as a little green light inside began to flash.

Mission accomplished, now for that side quest. She lined her face up with the compartment, squinting inside. Transmitter, motion sensor… ah, looked like it had light shift detection too, maybe as a backup. The wires disappeared into the wall of the compartment.

Wired into the building itself. First guess. Joy grinned. She almost didn't hear the hum of an engine getting closer.

Right. The other half of the mission. Eh, she was supposed to get grabbed anyway, Joy thought, not bothering to drop her focus from the little hidden setup. The receiver was small, and who she assumed were its creators had gotten here really quick, so their hideout had to be nearby. Either that or the transmitter was running on a mega power source. Though it could also be a combination—

Someone cleared their throat behind her, and Joy turned to see a tall man with a spiky purple faux-hawk, hair shining neon against the headlights of a van.

“Ah. Hi,” she said. Weird. She figured she'd be grabbed by now.

“Whatcha doin’ there then?” the man asked.

“Checking out your system,” Joy said. “The hidey hole is neat, and I was curious.” Mission. “Guy named Vic told me about this spot,” she added, hoping that was enough to get the ball rolling.

“Right.” The man shrugged. “I was afraid of that.” He seized the handle of the van’s sliding door and jerked it open, inclining his head towards it. “Alright. Ah, you can just hop in.”

Joy stared at him. If this was how they fucking got Kaius…

“Ah, shit. Wait, my bad. Manak said you'd be good with it. You're on his team, yeah? Finley just wants to chat.”

Well well. How the tables turned. Joy simply gave the man a shrug and climbed inside.

“Oh, we'll grab your friends too,” he said as he climbed into the passenger seat. “The more the merrier.”

×~×~×

“Thought there was five of you?” The driver, a woman who'd introduced herself as Duckie, said.

“There are.” Jericho had adapted to the sort-of-being-kidnapped thing really quickly. Maybe it was just a skill that you got once you became a parent. “The fifth person… well, it's just us tonight.”

Yeah, because no way would Harbor stick out his neck for this. Joy didn't even want to try to ask after their last proposed rescue.

“Well, Finley will be glad to talk to any of you.”

“Didn't Kaius tell her enough?” Benji asked, still hunched in a nervous pose. He took the kidnapping a lot worse than Jer.

“It isn't about what you know,” the third passenger, a man who hadn't bothered to toss out a name, put in. “It's what we know.”

Ominous, but she liked the sound of that. She was already dying to know more about any of the mission details. If Finley could offer that, willingly, Joy was ready for it. She could only hope the new information was more of a blessing than a curse. But then... Look at their luck so far.

As she'd assumed, it wasn't a long ride before the van was pulling into some oversized garage.

The three of them were ushered out of the van, through an open bay area, and into some side office while Jazz went and got Finley. The place was far from homey, covered in dust, and full of junk. Probably not their usual hideout.

Despite the gentle kidnapping, Joy still let out a sigh of relief when they found an intact Kaius in the other side of the office door, reading a dusty manual for what looked like a hydraulic press, a half-empty plastic water bottle on the desk beside him.

The guy was a bit of an arrogant ass, but it hadn't taken Joy long to accept him as their arrogant ass.

“Thank fuck you're okay!”

Kaius was stiff as a board as Benji’s arms wrapped around him, but under the irritated look, Joy could almost swear she saw the hint of a smile.

“A congratulatory handshake would have sufficed.”

“Ah, right, sorry.”

“So,” Joy said, taking a seat in a rusting foldout chair. “Where are we sitting on a scale from ‘hostage’ to ‘secretly in charge’?”

“A good distance from the latter,” Kaius replied. “But we'll be free to go once Finley gives you her spiel.”

“Oh?”

“Allegedly.”

“Then why are you still here?” Jericho asked, leaning on the desk.

“Wasn't convinced he wouldn't just yap to Vic.”

Joy's head swiveled towards the doorway, where a lean woman with a highlighter-yellow mullet was standing.

Kaius seemed unsurprised by her entrance. "Speak of the devil."

The woman shrugged. "Speak of the yapper."

“What was your plan?” Joy asked, folding her arms to match Finley's stance. “Keep him here forever?”

“He was on the verge of convincing me otherwise when the alarm hit.” She cocked her head. “Now I just have more people to share the good news with.”

In the corner of the room, Benji looked like he was trying to make himself smaller. “So is it actual good news? Because the way you said it…”

“No, you're right. I lied. It's shitty news, but it's the truth, and that's better than anything Vic’s feeding you.”

“What do you want for it?” Joy asked, raising an eyebrow. She'd dealt with this type before; friendly strangers with something slippery about them, always swore they had something you wanted, but it always came with a price. 

“Only your undivided attention.”

Ah yes, the one thing she had a hard time giving. Joy glanced back at Jericho, then Kaius, who gave a single nod. The gesture seemed to be enough of an invitation for Finley.

“I was Vic’s first pick,” she said, stuffing her hands in her pockets and throwing a grin into the room. 

Vic's first… he knew her? Was that why..? Joy bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to let any surprise cross her face. Shock and awe seemed to be exactly what the woman wanted, and Joy didn't want to give her that satisfaction. Not yet.

“I used to work for Rotorworx covertly,” Finley continued. “Ferried supplies back and forth for their batshit science projects. And I guess somewhere along the line, things got a little too batshit. The government took notice and didn't like what they saw. Now,” she swatted her bangs out of her eyes. “That was where it got complicated. See, the DoD has a contract with Rotorworx. Uses them for weapons advancements and aircraft shit. It's not a relationship they wanna fuck up, but they can't let RW keep playing with fire the way they have been. Because it's bigger than a little fire, a little lab disaster. They're…” She snapped her fingers a few times. “well, they're—”

“Fingerfucking reality?” Benji offered, and Finley pointed at him with a smirk.

“They sure are. And as you can imagine, the Department of Energy had something to say about that.”

“Then why didn't they just shut them down?” Jericho asked, shifting in place.

“Oh y’know. Privatized company, partnerships with various three-letter-agencies, high value assets, billionaires,” Finley replied, counting off each on a finger. “It gets really convoluted really fast. The DoE tried to have a chat, but their CEO wasn't having it. So they figured, why ruin a perfectly good relationship when they could just hire someone to break their new toy?”

“So they hired Vic,” Joy finished.

“Bingo. And Vic tried to hire me. He wanted to build a specialized team and needed my expertise, or so he said. I mean, can't blame him. I'm probably the best pick for an op like this.” Finley shrugged. “But I did my own digging. Poked around, listened in on a few closed-door conversations, found out that yeah, they want the Reality Cage destroyed, but they also want someone to pin the crime on.” She leaned into the doorframe, fixing each of them with a look before continuing. “And that's where you come in, sweethearts.”

It took a moment for the words to settle, split-seconds of denials and excuses and justifications flashing through Joy’s head like a firing squad. Vic needed them, they had specialized skills, he'd made a deal that benefited everyone, why trick them like that?

But Finley was right, wasn't she? As much as Joy wanted to tell herself that no, she was inclined to believe this stranger over Vic because she was biased, because Vic was a cold bastard who clearly didn't give a damn about them, it was enough. 

Vic didn't give a shit about them. Finley didn't stand to gain anything from telling them, at least as far as Joy could figure. And worst of all, this was the final puzzle piece to make it all make sense. Why else would Vic hire a bunch of random criminals he had no reason to trust? Why else would he put them through weeks of training to do what he and Sahota could've done in one night?

It was all a con, and she should've known better. Of course they weren't being set loose after the mission. It had seemed legit enough when the offer was first made, but had that just been her desperation talking? At the time, the choices she'd been presented with were to take Vic’s offer or land her happy ass in prison. Guess either option had always ended at the same destination.

“We appreciate the warning,” Jericho said, his expression nothing short of troubled. Jer… he had a lot more stake in this than any of them. All he wanted was to see his kid again, but Vic, that son of a bitch…

“Why did you tell us?” Joy said. “Why not let us take the fall?”

“Good old fashioned chivalry ain’t dead yet,” Finley said. “And I wanted to let you suckers know you're off the hook.”

Benji's eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

“I pulled a few strings and got my guys signed on as a contingency team. If Vic fails, the DoE is sending us out. Only difference is, we're not playing scapegoat.”

“And they're letting you?”

“The prison scheme was Vic’s plan,” Finley answered. “Five nobodies with criminal history, caught breaking into Rotorworx with intent to steal and pawn and break things. The poor Reality Cage was caught in the crossfire, bringing a year of sketchy-ass progress to a close. So sad.”

“Then why would he bother with us? He could be in and out without a trace.”

“Does Vic really seem like the type to neglect covering his ass? He's not gonna risk it.”

“And you are?”

“Sweetheart, I am all about risk.” Her teeth flashed in a fresh grin, and Joy forgot her next point. Fuck.

“The sum of it is, we're free to go,” Kaius said.

“Exactly. No guilt, no betrayal from old man Shepard, no cops. Pick up where you left off and don't look back.”

“What about Sahota?”

Finley raised an eyebrow, squinting at Jericho. “Who?”

“Sahota,” Jer repeated. “Vic’s partner?”

She shrugged. “I didn't know Vic had a partner. Everything I dredged up pinned him as a solo operator.”

Joy exchanged a look with the others. “Does… do you know anyone who would know about him? If he's in on this?”

“Vic’s a shadowy bastard. There's a lot about him no one knows. Including what company he keeps.”

Was Sahota in on this? She didn't want to believe he could be, but he was just as secretive as Vic. He'd given them the chance to win a chat with Finley, which could've blown the whole lie wide open, but had he known it was a losing game from the start? Even after Jericho came out on top, Vic hadn't honored the bet. 

Maybe he did know. But maybe he didn't get a say. Vic called the shots in their partnership; in their relationship.

“Is that all then?” Joy asked, slouching in her seat. Free to go or not, there was a big fucking mess in their wake, and she didn't know if they should do something about it. She didn't know if they could.

“That's all. Run away, or go back to Vic. I did my moral duty. It's in your hands now.”

This was it then. They could just leave. Fuck off and slip back into the lives they'd left. Would it be safe? Probably not, but none of them had really been safe from the start. 

“What do you think Vic will do?” Benji asked as Finley left the room, closing the door between them. “If we leave, I mean.”

“We just have to get far enough away that he won't find us,” Joy answered, uncertain even as she said the words. What would Vic do? What would Sahota do?

“What about Harbor?” Jericho said, and Joy cursed under her breath.

“Harbor has a hard-on for Vic,” she muttered. “I'm sure he'll be fine.”

Jericho didn't look convinced. “You want to leave him there?”

Ah fuck, she couldn't handle the disappointed dad look. Jer was a master of it. “I didn't… I mean, no, I don't want Harbor to take the fall or anything. But he's cozy with Vic, isn't he?”

Jericho grimaced. “He… I think there'll be trouble for him if he stays.”

“Because of Sahota?” Honestly, if their trainer wanted to kick his ass again, Harbor had it coming.

“Because of Vic.” Jer sighed, rubbing his face. “It's been a long night. I… I talked to Harbor. Just before Benji came in. Vic was there when he hurt Sahota. I think… I think Vic made him do it.”

Fuck. Joy bit her lip. Fuck. What was one more thing she didn't want to believe? From the start, she'd known their relationship went deeper than business partners. They loved together for fuck's sake. Sahota had been there for twelve years. Why would Vic encourage that?

As much as she didn't want to, it was just one more thing that was easy to believe.

“We need to go back for him," Jer said. "Maybe we can convince Sahota to come too.”

“You think he would?” Kaius piped up, brows creasing.

“I think he should have the option. Look, you all can run. You should run. I'll go back to the compound, talk to them both about this—”

“No,” Kaius said. “They will know we were gone by the time we return. If it's only you, I'm not certain Vic will give you another opportunity to leave. He still needs his scapegoat.”

“He knows it was Finley who got you,” Joy cut him off. “Either way, he'll be suspicious.”

“So we'll lie,” Kaius said, getting to his feet. “Tell him it was Finley, but we don’t believe a word she said.”

“It won't work. He'll see through it.”

“He only needs to buy it for one day,” Kaius said. “Once night falls, we'll be gone. For good. If Harbor has any sense, he'll be with us.”

“And if he doesn't?”

“He's a free man. It's his funeral to plan.”

Jericho stepped in closer, closing the circle they'd unconsciously formed. “It's worth a try, but I'm not the best liar.”

“Ruebin is,” Kaius said, and Benji perked up beside him. “I'm sure he can convince Vic long enough to give us time.”

“One last mission,” Joy said wryly, and Jericho cracked a smile.

“Guess we should hit the road.”

Joy hopped up, pushing the door open. Finley was still outside, slouching against a shipping container like a freckled scarecrow.

“I guess I did tell you you could go back to Vic,” she said, eyes glittering as she fixed them on Joy. “Didn't think you'd reach that conclusion so soon, but props for the heroism.”

Joy raised an eyebrow. “Another closed-door conversation?”

“It's a bad habit.” Her arm swept out, gesturing for the warehouse exit. “I won't stand in your way. Best of luck tricking that sly bastard.”

Joy sighed. “I guess… thanks. You saved our asses.”

“Only for you to jump back into the frying pan, but I did try.” Her smile faded for a moment, eyes holding the tiniest bit of seriousness as she looked at Joy. “Well hey, I can't blame you either. I'd do the same for any of my idiots.” She reached out her hand, pressing a piece of paper against her hand. Joy closed her fingers around it, looking to Finley for an explanation.

“If said sly bastard gives you too much trouble, give me a call," she said in answer. "I'll see what I can do. And if he doesn't, and you wanna get dinner sometime…” She winked. “It's a versatile offer.”

Joy tried to keep herself from flushing as she gave a quick nod, squeezing the paper in her fist. “Yeah. Yup. Uh, thanks. Again.”

Dinner, huh? She hadn't given much thought to after, and they still had a long and bumpy road ahead, but… she could do dinner. Probably. She had questions about that alarm system of theirs anyway.

The hard part was behind them. Now time for the harder part. The Harbor part. The guy was a dickhead, but if Jer’s assumptions were true, he didn't deserve to be left in the dust. They could get him out of Vic’s clutches and part ways, easy peasy. If they could get him out of Vic's clutches.

What if they couldn't convince him? What if he just ran off to snitch the first chance he got? They'd have to be ready for a quick exit. And Sahota…

She didn't know how they'd convince Sahota. It was a dangerous bridge to cross. If he knew, if he'd been lying to them all this time, the game would be up. The end. But if he was in the dark too, didn't he deserve to know? Didn't he deserve the chance to quit a job that would probably get him killed one of these days? To leave behind a partner who would let that happen?

The four of them squeezed into the truck’s cab and Joy started her up. They'd walk that line when they came to it, and damned if she wouldn't give it her all, but right now, they had an hour to get their story straight, an hour to prepare to face Vic. No sleep, plenty of new, exciting, dooming information. 

The shitshow was about to begin. She just hoped they were all ready for it.

×~×~×

tag list:

@theonewithallthefixations , @violets-whumperflies ,

@whump-me , @pirefyrelight , @soheavyaburden , @snakebites-and-ink , @whumpsday ,

@kixngiggles , @echo-goes-aaa , @whumpcateyes , @clickerflight ,

@sodacreampuff , @starfields08000 , @neverthelass , @melpomenelamusa

[the-menace-in-pink]

‘3 CM TALLER THAN YOU’ Killua vs Feitan chat

I got reminded of the Navy Seal meme and somehow Killua and Feitan came to mind lol. Just a snippet 💀

[kiwizoom]

Mer Illumi x Hisoka

[crusty-chronicles]

hi!! i hope you're doing well!! i was hoping if you could write an (platonic) airhead headcanon for gon from hxh?? you dont have to if youre not comfortable w writing it!

i really enjoy reading your works and i hope you have a lovely day!!!

Ah yes, another chaotic crack fic coming up.

BONUS AIRHEADED S/O HEADCANNONS: Gon (HxH)

For starters, there is not a single thought to be had between the two of you

Heads empty with static

You tripped and fell?

He's stumbling on your body and toppling over.

Gon got stung by a bee?

You're fighting the entire hive, only to end up having the worst allergic reaction of your life.

You wanna play in the rain without a jacket?

The both of you end up with colds the next day.

Gon can't do math and you can't read or write, so it balances out.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Poor Killua is the one who has to put up with both of you

"No Y/n. Eating a glow stick will not make you radioactive and shiny." "No Gon. You can't bake a cookie in one minute just because you set the oven to 1500 degrees."

His two best friends are complete idiots and he can't do anything about it.

But on the bright side, you and Gon are endless entertainment.

You most likely met during the Hunter's Exam.

He and Killua were surprised to see another kid taking the exam, especially one that was keeping up just as well

Leading Gon to ask his famous icebreaker question.

"Why do you wanna become a hunter?"

And immediately your face scrunched up in confusion.

"A what? I thought we were all playing a game."

"But you had to fill out an application." Killua pointed out, very suspicious of your answer.

"Really? Cuz I just snuck in."

Both boys leave it at that because #1, a new friend. And #2 you've got to be really skilled to make it this far.

Also keeps you far away from Hisoka

Like he legit fears for your life and will not let you fight him.

He's seen that clown up close and personal and doesn't want you to get hurt or, knowing hisoka, worse.

"Hisoka gave me a lollipop and told me to meet him outside."

"SPIT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW!"

Now while Gon's ditzy, he's nowhere near as clueless as you.

You're lactose intolerant?

Then why are you downing cheese sticks like you're never gonna eat again?

I'm sorry? You're allergic to shellfish?????

WHY ARE STILL EATING GNAWING ON A CRAB LEG!?!? STOP YOUR FACE IS TURNING RED!!!!

Please stop jumping into lakes to catch fish. 🥺 

You're gonna get sick and Gon wants to show you how to fish 

There is no babying

You ARE the babies.

Buuuut, Gon will mother hen you after every fight because you're ten times as reckless as him.

You got stabbed once during a fight, and instead of moving back, you pushed yourself further into the blade just to punch your attacker.

Which resulted in a huge lecture from Killua while Gon tried to stop the bleeding.

"If I see a light, should I go towards it?"

"NO!"

Tbh Gon really doesn't have any nicknames for his friends. At most he'll just introduce you as one of his best friends.

He doesn't have it in him to be mean spirited towards you like a certain assassin. 

Has a habit of encouraging your bad ideas instead of shutting them down.

Make no mistake, he knows they're awful ideas, but you're trying.

And Aunt Mito says it's the effort that counts.

Speaking of Mito 👀👀👀

She adores you

Surprisingly, you're very helpful in the kitchen.

Just not around knives, which she realized after you sliced through the cutting board.

She also likes how responsible you make Gon.

He's more observant and careful when you're around.

To put it simply, he loves you and Killua with his whole heart.

Two of the most important people he'd do just about anything for.

MASTERLIST

[rahuratna]

Fabric of your Flesh

Synopsis: A multi-part series in which the Hunter's relationship with Olivia slowly unfolds. Not chronological.

Contents: Romance, smut, angst, humour, fluff, falling in love, pre-relationship, established relationship, mutual pining, W/W.

[Olivia x Fem Hunter/Reader]

Part 1 | Part 2

Slip of the Tongue

Synopsis: A hunt with Olivia goes terribly wrong when you manage to get yourself concussed ... and possibly ramble about your secret infatuation with her.

Contents: Romance, humour, fluff.

[Olivia x GN Hunter/Reader]

Entomologically Inclined

Synopsis: Erik ropes you into assisting him with his research, but there's more to this little project than meets the eye ... 

Contents: Romance, humour, fluff, pre-relationship.

[Erik x GN Hunter/Reader]

Five Star Treatment

Synopsis: As the new research assistant to the Astrum Unit, you have a rather embarrassing secret. You're a superfan of the renowned team now based in the Forbidden Lands.

About to come face to face with your idols, it's up to you to prove your worth (before Athos sniffs out your Olivia figurine collection or Erik drags you straight into the jaws of a monster). [GN Reader character]

Contents: Humour, crack, fluff.

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

[thedramall4ma]

Raging Brachygou.

I'm not sorry.

[posting-ducks44]

Doflamingo without his sunglasses.

I know we briefly get to see his eyes, but shh

[everykittykillua]

"accompany" on!