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sillystringpasta · 3 months ago

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so, i see all these aus where danny gets help from the justice league for the anti ecto acts, and they're great. but hear me out. ghost king danny. classic setup, acts need to be repealed or war.

so danny goes to the league, of course.

the league of assassins.

Ra's is already familiar with death, and ghosts, and the realms. ya man's had the lazarus pits for centuries, he knows a little bit of what's what. maybe there's already some trade relations going on. more importantly, he has a massive group of hyper competent people who can pull strings in the government very stealthily, and have no outside affiliation or loyalty to that government.

but why not the JL? most of them are based in the USA. they work with the government (danny assumes). surely they are aware of the Acts. surely they would conform to them, enforce them.

so ghost king danny meets with ra's, who gives rancid vibes, but is able to, and wants to, do a smear campaign against the JL. against the USA. to gain favor with the guy who is the king of his most sacred resource, and knowledge about how to use the Pits to gain some basic liminal powers.

danny doesn't like the solution, exactly. but he's king. and this is what will protect his people. this is what will get expedient results. this is what his advisors who will still permit peace will allow.

so danny takes the deal with Ra's.

the initial outrage begins online, perhaps through MikMok. a mega famous influencer is cosplaying as superman, doing a twerking sort of dance to the most current haha funni meme song. the text overlay reads: when the superheroes condone genocide because they aren't human, ANTI-ECTO ACTS (whatever law/section code they were passed in).

it goes viral. and then someone finds the Acts (prodded along by the League) and it goes from a hit sensation online to every. single. news outlet flooding with information (puppeted by the League).

is this real? the Acts are real. but why? if these people(?) don't exist, why the Acts? the outrage. the mass confusion. the conspiracies. the new subgeddits and trending xitter tags. 4kun greentext be me: a ghost, becomes the new thing.

at this point, the GIW are scrambling to keep their involvment on the downlow. there are acts, sure, but they're not enforced :DDDD

vlad is in a similar situation. he cloned a guy. he def experimented on other ghosts to get to that level of knowledge. naturally, this is about when lex luthor gets involved. because, wouldn't you know it, but project CADMUS? yeah. that was a collab with DalvCo. they both wanted non-human clones from green stuff. they got it, and now luthor's sitting on some unpretty information.

he promptly shoves vlad under the bus, which is rapidly becoming less of a bus and more a trainwreck.

the league is surprised this happened, but goes with it.

the US governemnt is still trying to deny, deny, deny.

it's at this point that the JL gets themselves together. they don't know if the papers by Drs fenton are biased, or if ecto entities really are mindless creatures bent on destruction.

constantine says they're biased. green lantern concurs.

they decide to summon an ecto entity and find out what is going on.

danny is pretty stressed. it's a stressful situation. he's on break for the first time since they got a solution to this problem. he's not gonna answer a summoning. he has people to do that for him.

so they don't get the ghost king.

but they do get-

dani. and jazz. at the same time.

maximum possible psychic damage.

in the room at the watchtower is the big 3, green lantern, martian manhunter, flash, constantine, zatanna, raven, and black canary (legends of tomorrow experience? cool headed? there for arrow who is busy?).

dani doesn't like superman. he treats clones badly. jazz doesn't like batman, see Arkham.

dani doesn't know who c, z, raven, or bc are. jazz kinda knows of them, but not well.

so the actual negotiations go down with WW and MM.

they have a lot of questions. dani (abomination form) introduces jazz (basic looking human) as a princess of the realms. jazz says that the Acts are real, the realms want war, go suck a creamsickle (that was dani), they want restitution for the lives lost from the GIW.

then they leave the JL wondering who the GIW are.

someone (LoA) manages to hack the watchtower and post the meeting online as soon as it happens. or maybe they livestreamed it on Switch.

my spamblr, the result of my space buying tumblr in 1999, gains its first sexy women (jazz). jazz/WW fiction springs up on AOL3 overnight.

the GIW goes public. they try to push the envelop of ghosts being non-sentient. they try to use jazz being ambassador for that meeting to help their case. the JL is fighting accuations, but they are being pidgeon holed into siding with the GIW by the media.

it's at this point that things go from trainwreck to airplane runway crash.

dalvco and luthor are in a lawsuit. the usgov is under pressure from everyone. people are calling for impeachment of the president. the GIW is getting raided and having their evil posted online. the drs fentons are absent (in the ghost zone, either being evil or having mimosas with pandora). ra's is trying to use new knowledge of the Pits to reanimate tim's spleen. the JL is under constant fire. everyone who has ever had a malicious opinion about super or meta control is getting new platforms. danny can't use his intimate knowledge of what's going on to write his essays for school.

the world is galvanized. there are calls to action. liminals of Amity Prak come forward. you could be liminal too! the Acts get repealed. the GIW gets cleaned out, all prisoners rescued. the realms get restituition. the meta protection acts get expanded.

people will learn about phantom, the superhero. the dead boy who saved them all when the JL didn't answer amity's calls. the JL comes under more fire. they lose funding, defund the police style. for maximum chaos, this can be when the miraculous ladybug crossover starts.

phantom gets a bajillion features on true crime podcasts. tucker keeps sending links to the episodes to them. sam will never admit it, but she listens to them.

but things will never, ever be the same. arguably it's a bad end. but...

black canary restructures arkham from what jazz said to batman in that meeting. many of the rogues get actual help. the joker is transfered to a supermax. he never escapes again. nightwing takes the discowing costume back up in celebration.

vlad loses the lawsuit, and uses his powers to get one over on luthor, who has a mind control suggestion implanted to (amongst other things) never be able to work on these projects again.

there is greater transparancy in superhero work. this makes some people start social programs for villians who have a point. it works for a few of them. the JL is cleared up to handle more extraterrestriel threats, not leaving the burden on one person alone in the cities. the child sidekicks have less work.

amanda waller is fired. ironically, she had nothing to do with any of this, but people assume that she did. either way, everyone agrees it's deserved.

the league of assassins makes a lot of money. they get hired a lot in turbulent times.

disney, which is utterly unchanged in this dimension, makes a documentary about everything. they get dani in for an interview. it's in very bad taste. there is at least one death pun and CGI'd animal.

danny graduates.

clockwork smiles.

#dcxdp #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc prompt #writing #my idea #dc #batman #league of assassins au #my writing

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tarysande · 1 month ago

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The best part about coming back to the source material after a looooong time is you sorta get a fresh look at canon in comparison to whatever the dominant strains of fanon have become. Or, in fact, whatever your own dominant strains of headcanon have become.

I mean, yes, Garrus “I’m not a good turian” Vakarian gets infinitely cooler (and more competent!) by pretty much every metric as the storyline progresses. He does. But fresh out of ME1 and into ME2 through his recruitment, I find myself genuinely amused by how thin the veneer of badass is over a pretty dominant core of straight-up nerd sprinkled with idealism mixed with self-doubt.

When you have Garrus in the squad all the time (and thus get all his ambient dialogue and remarks), you really pick up on the number of times he calls out bad behavior, unethical actions, cruelty, and rule-breaking, especially in ME1.

He’s not actually a hothead who can’t abide rules of any kind. In fact, most of the time he’s pretty pro-law-and-order, and he gets amusingly hall-monitorish when people are breaking rules he considers important and worth following.

Fundamentally, Garrus chafes when his sense of what is just is at odds with what the authorities do about that injustice (or what they stop him from doing). And I would hazard a guess that the reason his actions seem so intense or harsh or "of course we should have shot down that ship in the middle of the Citadel" is indicative not of his impatience but of the degree to which he thinks the authorities have failed to uphold that justice. We know he can be patient. He's a sniper. His whole modus operandi on Omega is precision kills without civilian casualty. But when that long fuse finally burns down, he goes from zero to shooting down ships in the middle of the Citadel in what looks (from the outside) like a heartbeat.

And yes, injured pride hastens the burning of that fuse; he doesn’t like losing. Or admitting defeat. Or failing.

Having just replayed his recruitment mission, a few things really stood out to me this time.

The merc bands really hate him--and they also reluctantly admire him (he's described as smart, resourceful, dangerous, idealistic, brave, slippery; they all agree they only way they managed to get this far is by isolating him and employing dirty tactics). I mean, there's literally a station-wide announcement that Omega can return to "business as usual" once Archangel is out of the picture because he was disrupting things so completely.

The way Garrus blames himself for the deaths of his squad is so freaking turian. Failure reflects on the leader who places his people in danger they can't handle, not the individual who fails. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Yes, Sidonis betrayed him, but the person Garrus blames the most? Is himself. For trusting Sidonis in the first place. For raising Sidonis to a position where he had the means and opportunity to harm others--and the weakness of character to turn coat, to save his own hide, instead of dying to protect the others.

Garrus mentions more than once that he was trying to emulate Shepard. And his tone always implies that he knows he failed because Shepard would never have let a Sidonis into the fold. Again, he's blaming himself. Like a good turian. Yes, he wanted to avoid the red tape and bureaucracy of C-Sec, but his code--Archangel's code--certainly aligns with Paragon Shepard's morality (with a Garrus Vakarian twist).

And since it wouldn't be meta without adding a Tara's Headcanon Twist ... I've always wondered why "Archangel" when it's such a ... human concept. But this time, when I noticed how he spoke about Shepard's influence, and how quickly he brushes aside the name when she asks him about it, I wondered if it wasn't actually his way of honoring the mythology of the dead woman whose example he was trying to follow. Not that Shepard is a God he's worshiping, but ... there is something about the way he talks about her. Garrus doesn't make himself over in the image of a God, though; he's the soldier, the right hand, the avenging angel responsible for carrying out divine punishments suited and proportional to the crimes committed, the rules broken, the selfishness or cruelty of the perpetrator.

#mass effect #garrus vakarian #mass effect meta #femshep #commander shepard #no i do not have time to write a whole epic what happened on omega fic #admittedly this all works a lot better if shepard trends paragon #but since i've never played a non-paragon shepard i don't have to twist my brain around to make it work #in sum to most of the people around him garrus is a big ol goody-two-shoes nerd #so it makes sense when joker makes the comment about the stick up garrus's ass #long text post #thinky thoughts

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elodieunderglass · 1 year ago

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Hey bestie whats a narrow boat? I saw you tag that on something you reblogged and I'm pretty curious now!

- Terry Darlington, Narrow Dog to Carcassone

A narrowboat (all one word) is a craft restricted to the British Isles, which are connected all over by a nerve-map of human-made canals. To go up and down hills, the canals are spangled with locks (chambers in which boats can be raised or lowered by filling or emptying them with water.) As Terry says above, the width of the locks was somewhat randomly determined, and as a result, the British Isles have a narrow design of lock - and a narrowboat to fit through them. A classic design was seventy feet long and six feet wide. Starting in the 18th century, and competing directly with trains, canal “barges” were an active means of transport and shipping. They were initially pulled along the towpaths by horses, and you can still see some today!

Later, engines were developed.

Even after the trains won the arms race, it was a fairly viable freight service right up until WW2. It’s slow travel, but uses few resources and requires little human power, with a fairly small crew (of women, in WW2) being capable of shifting two fully laden boats without consuming much fossil fuel.

In those times the barges were designed with small, cramped cabins in which the boaters and their families could live.

During its heyday the narrowboat community developed a style of folk art called “roses and castles” with clear links to fairground art as well as Romani caravan decor. They are historically decorated with different kinds of brass ornaments, and inside the cabins could also be distinctively painted and decorated.

Today, many narrowboats are distinctively decorated and colorful - even if not directly traditional with “roses and castles” they’ll still be bright and offbeat. A quirky name is necessary. All narrowboats, being boats, are female.

After a postwar decline, interest in the waterways was sparked by a leisure movement and collapsing canals were repaired. Today, the towpaths are a convenient walking/biking trail for people, as they connect up a lot of the mainland of the UK, hitting towns and cities. Although the restored canals are concrete-bottomed, they’re attractive to wildlife. Narrowboats from the 1970s onward started being designed for pleasure and long-term living. People enjoy vacationing by hiring a boat and visiting towns for a cuter, comfier, slower version of a campervan life. And a liveaboard community sprang up - people who live full-time on boats. Up until the very restrictive and nasty laws recently passed in the UK to make it harder for travelling peoples (these were aimed nastily at vanlivers and the Romani, and successfully hit everyone) this was one of the few legal ways remaining to be a total nomad in the UK.

Liveaboards can moor up anywhere along the canal for 28 days, but have to keep moving every 28 days. (Although sorting out the toilet and loading up with fresh water means that a lot of people move more frequently than that.) you can also live full-time in a marina if they allow it, or purchase your own mooring. In London, where canal boats are one of the few remaining cheapish ways to live, boats with moorings fetch the same prices as houses. It can be very very hard for families to balance school, parking, work, and all the difficulties of living off-grid- but many make it work. It remains a diverse community and is even growing, due to housing pressures in the UK. Boats can be very comfortable, even when only six feet wide. When faced with spending thousands of pounds on rent OR mooring up on a nice canal, you can see why it seems a romantic proposition for young people, and UK television channels always have slice-of-life documentaries about young folks fixing up their very own quirky solar-powered narrowboat. I don’t hate; I did it myself.

If you’re lucky, you might even meet some of the cool folks who run businesses from their narrowboats: canal-side walkers enjoy bookshops, vegan bakeries, ice-cream boats, restaurants, artists and crafters. There are Floating Markets and narrowboat festivals. It’s generally recognised that boaters contribute quite a lot to the canal - yet there are many tensions between different kinds of boaters (liveaboards vs leisure boaters vs tourists) as well as tensions with local settled people, towpath users like cyclists, and fishermen. I could go on and on explaining this rich culture and dramas, but I won’t.

Phillip Pullman’s Gyptians are a commonly cited example of liveaboards - although they were based on the narrowboat liveaboards that Pullman knew in Oxford, their boats are actually Dutch barges. Dutch barges make good homes but are too wide to access most of the midlands and northern canals, and are usually restricted to the south of the UK. So they’re accurate for Bristol/London/Oxford, and barges are definitely comfier to film on. (Being six feet wide is definitely super awkward for a boat.) but in general Dutch barges are less common, more expensive and can’t navigate the whole system.

However, apart from them, there are few examples of narrowboat depictions that escaped containment. So it’s quite interesting that there is an entire indigenous special class of boat, distinctive and highly specialised and very cute, with an associated culture and heritage and folk art type, known to all and widely celebrated, and ABSOLUTELY UNKNOWN outside of the UK - a nation largely known around the world for inflicting its culture on others. They’re a strange, sweet little secret - and nobody who has ever loved one can resist pointing them out for the rest of their lives, or talking about them when asked to. Thank you for asking me to.

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testingcheats0n · 2 years ago

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Prople with siblings always have to let you know they have siblings and then attack your character if you don't like idc that your parents fucked more than once 🙄

#imagine having to compete for resources and shit #least enlightened thing #you're not a human #you're an ANIMAL #you're a part of a LITTER #i was carefully planned (i wasn't) you're a whoopsie (i am too)#your mother was led by instincts and her brain suffered a chemical manipulation that made her forget the excruciating pain of childbirth

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avicecaro · 5 months ago

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see. okay. this is true about chairs. and while i personally think “adult human female, female meaning of the sex which produces ova” is a very clear and comprehensive definition, not everyone agrees. and, for the sake of argument, that’s fine! but that’s not how the law works. lawmaking bodies agonize over the precise definitions of terms to ensure that the law does what they’re hoping it will do, and is not easily misused. that’s their job.

in ireland, the bread that fast food restaurants use is legally considered cake because of the sugar content. cake is regulated differently than bread. do you and i need to argue the finer points of cake and bread? how sweet do you think something has to be so we can consider it cake? does it matter? not really. but it does when you’re trying to tax staple foods and non-staple foods differently.

there have been multiple court cases in the US determining if a taco is a sandwich (as of May 2024, it is, as per the superior court of indiana, fun fact). is a taco a sandwich? i don’t know! i don’t really think so. if someone said “hey i made sandwiches” and gave me a taco, i’d be confused. and anyway, does it matter? not really. but it does when i’m trying to determine if a taco restaurant can open in a space that won’t allow sandwich shops.

is a barbershop different than a hair salon? i think so. i go to a hair salon, my brother goes to a barbershop, if we switched our appointments we’d both be unhappy. it matters for the sake of communication, but is it a super important distinction? not really. but what if i signed a non-compete agreement with the barbershop i work at that said i wouldn’t work at any nearby barbershop for six months after terminating my contract? can i work at a hair salon? now it matters.

if i needed fifty chairs for an event, and the company i contracted with sent fifty horses, or fifty tables, they could argue “but it’s something with four legs that a person can sit on!” and they’d be correct. but i would know i’d been given something different than what i asked for, and i would expect the chair supplier to know that, too. so if i want to demand a refund/return/exchange on the basis that i’ve received the wrong product, do i have a claim?

so, okay, you feel we can’t define the term “woman” perfectly. or maybe we can define it, as in we know what we’re trying to talk about, but we don’t have a good term for it. wouldn’t be the first time it happened! but if we are creating a legal category, it does in fact need to have parameters. meaningful parameters.

if i want to give some speeches promoting radical gender acceptance, i could probably get away with never outright defining the word woman. but what if i want men who kill women to have their crimes classified as hate crimes? i need to have a meaningfully defined category of what a woman is and what makes one different from a man. mexico requires that congressional candidates be split 50-50 between men and women to enforce gender parity. “woman” has to be a meaningfully defined category, or else … well, you’ll end up with the same problem they keep having to deal with.

if we want protections or resources for women, “women” have to be a meaningful legal category. if it is a category anyone can opt into, then it is a category that includes anyone, which is not a meaningful category when it is meant to include only half of people. also women aren’t chairs.

#rose post

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still-a-morosexual-help · 2 years ago

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Fucking hell Nightbringer really gave me everything huh god

Henry 1.0 origin story

Cerberus origin story

Satan's cat thing origin story

"Goldie in Freezer" origin story

Levi's Ruri-chan obsession origin story

Mammon being scared of ghosts/horror origin story

More in depth version of Solomon & Asmo's first meeting/pact origin story

A painful reason for why Asmo's room looks like that

What the tsl characters would have been like irl (the absolute worst wtf simeon)

Mammon's issues finally discussed in depth

Mammon being extremely ride or die for Lucifer

Almost instant Mammon & MC friendship

Mammon being just so amazed by MC and also insanely supportive of them

Mammon being willing to do anything for his brothers, being more sure of himself, almost instantly following Lucifer's orders and making the others do so as well

Levi's issues discussed in depth.

Levi straight up saying he was depressed and still is

Levi's friendship with MC!

Levi & Lucifer's relationship!!!!!

Levi being shy and scared and just so 😖

Things being bad in the Celestial Realm even before they left

Asmo's issues being discussed in depth

Asmo very explicitly having body dysmorphia

The brothers being much more supportive and loving of each other

Lucifer being visibly scared of losing another family member and being insanely overprotective because of it

The brothers being slowly overtaken by their sins (something that was always a part of them but also something they could control as angels) and losing control of themselves

The brothers gaining new magic

Satan being a fucking mess

Satan not really fitting in and all of them being really awkward around him

Satan's issues being discussed in depth

Belphie's issues being discussed in depth

Belphie expressing passive suicidal ideation

Belphie talking about how he needs someone to blame for what happened to Lilith so he can process it/make sense of it even if that someone is himself

Lucifer's issues being touched on from from different perspectives/angles

Diavolo's issues being hinted at

Simeon's issues being vaguely discussed

More about Lilith! (remember my post about how lilith definitely wasn't a sweet little angel because there's no way the universe would let lucifer catch a break? I was right!!! She was as much a little shit as the rest of her family!)

More about the demon king! (He wanted to stop the war too🥺 also a whole line of previous demon kings!)

More about god/how angels work (all angels are brothers & sisters but not technically family the way lucifer & his siblings are!)

ADAM!?!?!?!?!?

Solomon & MC's Sorcerer & Apprentice relationship seen in full detail!

MC being absolutely amazing

MC being competent and powerful and dangerous and resourceful and confident and the brothers realising all that but them also being funny and snarky and chaotic and outgoing and homesick and caring

References to present (s1-s4) brothers (& how they'll tear solomon apart if he doesn't bring MC back)

NIGHTBRINGER!? BARBATOS!!!??? but past barbatos doesn't seem to know anything about MC and present barbatos is helping solomon bring MC back....so who...?

References to Noble demons and conservative demons and devildom politics

Angel - Demon prejudice /racism from both sides explicitly shown

The brothers being war criminals and how the devildom sheltering them nearly re-started the war between the two realms

None of them being able to identify MC as a human (it takes Diavolo a long time + Lucifer straight up denies it when MC tells him), Adam & Nightbringer saying MC has the "power of angels", MC's favourite manga being one where the youngest child out of 7 is described as being angelic (*cough*lilith*cough*), Diavolo, even after knowing MC is a human, going "what are you"..... me softly chanting: nephilim!mc nephilim!mc nephilim!mc

The lessons flow better? It doesn't feel like one arc is squished into two lessons and then you must immediately jump into another different arc. It feels like it's all just happening in a connected sequence?

Better pacing in my opinion. It doesn't feel rushed.... like the part where satan discovers cats and then later is seen still sitting next to the cat and watching it? It feels appropriately spaced out

MC's relationships with everyone doesn't feel isolated. Like earlier there'd be a lesson or two dedicated to one character and we won't see much of the other characters during it. Now it feels like everyone is there interacting with everything in a normal, natural way. Yes there are lessons dedicated to getting to know one brother but the others are there, interacting with each other and MC during that time as well

The emotions & relationships are discussed/written in a way that feels very real and believable that it becomes actually really moving (s1-s4 also did this well but in nightbringer because of arcs/scenes/relationships not being isolated, of things flowing better and having a better pacing, of them outright discussing their issues it has a greater impact - yes I cried more than once shut up)

In the end, Nighbringer is darker than og OM! but not in the "grrr gonna kill you" way. It's "darker" because they address more serious topics in depth

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dcxdpdabbles · 5 months ago

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Royal Consort? 🥺🥺

The worst part about knowing there was danger on the way was acting like everything was fine. Danny found it very annoying that instead of going through the guests individually to find the key for the invading forces, he had to dance with his future self.

Danny was pulled into a fast-paced Viennese Waltz by his future self. (He would call him Phantom since it was easier in his mind. No way could Future him have the right to be a Danny when he came dressed like King Phantom)

The two dazzled everyone by their skill. It was one of the few things Princess Dora could beat into his head when Danny had been crowned. Shockingly, Pointdexter was the ghost that took his mediocre skills and sharpened them to a level that Danny had once considered competing with.

Danny considered Pointdexter one of the best dancers to ever live. This was one reason his classmates were so cruel.

The two became fast friends after he defeated Pariah Dark, especially when Danny stumbled over the ghost version of Casper High. It seemed Pointdexter's soul was trapped in his old torment, and his classmates—the real ones from life—were still bothering him after their mirror fight.

Danny beat the 1950s teenagers and freed Pointdexter, finally removing him from his bullies. He had the teen relocate to the King's castle as his Lair Manager, where he was tasked with caretaking Pariah Dark's castle.

This, unfortunately, was done after Danny had taken the Royal Consort necklace, so his lair manager was not able to stop him from wearing it. It did make sense now why Pointdexter mentioned more than once that he was "rather vain to love yourself that much, Dano".

He just thought it was weird 50s lingo.

Phantom couldn't be that far into the future—not if they still looked so much alike—the only difference was that he was an inch or two shorter. If anything, he would guess this Danny Fenton, in all his Kingly attire, was a year or two from the current day.

He wanted all the information Phantom could give him, but sadly, the other was just as in the dark of tonight's events. The only real clue they had was what Phantom experienced.

Sometime around midnight, someone would activate the key—a rectangular tool with a loud boom when it was turned on. The tool tore apart Wayne Manor as it blew the roof away, and the invading forces were teleported to Earth.

It quickly overran Gotham, even with the Bats arriving almost instantaneously, and the aliens made quick work of the rest of the world. The Justice League responded quickly, too, and soon, it was an all-out war with planet Earth as the battlefield.

Millions of lives were lost in the battle that first night. Batman was killed around 2 a.m., followed by Superman—who was helping hold off the main mother ship—at 5 a.m. The Justice League put up their best effort, but it soon became clear they were outmatched.

The following months saw humans scrambling to fight while countries were destroyed one by one. Their armies conquered, their heroes fell in battle, and the humans were either enslaved or killed. It seemed Earth had earned a reputation in faraway galaxies.

Humans or anyone from Earth were deemed exotic pets. The aliens had come to poach them.

They had blocked all communication with Earth's allies, including the Green Lantern Corp and New Genesis, not wanting anyone to interfere with their hunt. They also decided that the resources from Earth were of enough quality to take over the planet and rip it apart to sell to the highest bidder.

The aliens came in never-ending waves no matter how many Earthlings managed to kill, forcing humanity to flee underground.

In only a short while, Earth was picked clean.

In a low, anger-coated voice, Phantom said he had just finished a mission to rescue humans from a breeding center. He had helped them escape to Ghost Zone, which had become one of the few forces keeping humans safe. His army had torn apart the galaxies to find the stolen humans when Clockwork offered him a chance to fix everything.

Danny wanted to ask so much more, but with the gala attendees watching their every move, they figured they should discuss it less, even in Ghost Dialect.

Phantom had pulled Danny into a secluded location to hiss his explanation, but it was only a few minutes before Tim Drake Wayne found them. Danny wasn't sure why, but the other teen seemed determined to speak to Phantom.

It didn't help the Waynes that Phantom already suspected them and was very hostile whenever Tim opened his mouth. If the Waynes were innocent, that could lead to a problem later, but for now, Danny could only glare at Tim.

Phantom said that the person who turned it on had stuck the rectangular device to Jazz's back, using her body as a gateway. That meant someone in this crowd would approach his sister to turn her into a sacrificial lamb.

King Phantom had already warned her—under the disguise of dancing with her to honor Danny's family. He had even danced with his parents and one with Dani—but Jazz had insisted on staying. She theorized that if she left the gala early with Dani, as Phantom had wanted, someone else would become the gateway.

The aliens would attack no matter what, and removing her would take away concrete information.

Danny and Phantom did not like it, but both agreed with her logic. They didn't even know who had betrayed humanity- whether it was voluntary.

It was barely nine-twenty. The suspense was killing Danny.

"Mind if I cut in?" A silky voice fills the air, tearing Danny away from his anxious thoughts. Danny turns to find a woman standing at their side. She is gorgeous and holds herself in a way that lets the world know she is aware of this fact.

She leans over slightly so her cleavage is on display, resting an arm on Phantom's shoulder. Her smirk sharpens when Phantom's eyes drop to her hand as he lets his hold on Danny slip.

Her smugness quickly shatters when Phantom's face clouds over in rage at the hold she has of him.

Phantom reaches up to fling her hand away. His voice overlaps with thousands of others, sending a shiver down the spine of anyone who hears it. "Don't touch me."

Danny gapes alongside the woman as Phantom twists around and waltzes them away.

"Dude, what was that?"

"We don't have time for her or anyone who wants to replace you as my husband," Phantom hisses, though his expression remains ever so loving as he swings them about. Danny matches him step by step, ignoring the gaping crowd. "The Waynes are watching us, and half the venue has asked Jazz for a dance. Dani even more so."

The two glance toward Dani, who is in an equally fast-paced Viennese Waltz with Damian Wayne. She seems to be purposely stepping on his feet. There is a line of young, influential boys waiting for their turn.

It seems they all believe this is a chance to get married to the princess of the dead. It seemed half the Gotham elites believed Phantom would go for an arranged marriage for his daughter.

Fools them.

"We still have hours before midnight. Dancing with or talking to other people would be a good idea, so try to find the key," Danny whispers to him. "You've only danced with me since you arrived. I know it's for your King Phantom image, but we can't-"

Tim Drake Wayne slides up next to them, dancing with the air and keeping pace with their movement. Both halfas blink as Wayne smiles at them brightly, looking at ease for someone acting so ridiculous. "Hello again."

Danny and Phantom keep dancing, and Danny replies with a confused hesitation. "Hey....what are you doing?"

" Nothing much! Just...ugh love this song. Couldn't find a partner so-"

"Dance with Phantom," Danny is quick to say, ignoring the way Phantom's eyes start to glow. He is done with pretending there isn't a problem. He will find that key with or without future him's help.

He pulls himself away- ignoring the hiss growing in the back of Phantom's throat. He didn't know he could do that- and tugs the alarmed-looking human into the King's arms.

"Darling." Phantom's voice is low in warning. Knowing the crowd is still watching even more openly now, Danny turns his nose up.

"I'm tired, Phantom. Dance with Wayne here since you couldn't keep your eyes off him!"

He storms away, ignoring Wayne's choked "King Phantom, I am so sorry for causing this misunderstanding. I swear I am not trying to upset the Consort or come between you two."

He disappears into the crowd that part for him, pretending to be so blinded by jealous rage that he does not notice the way he is going. Danny finds a hallway out of the gala and goes into Wayne Manor.

Now then. Danny thinks Let's see what the Waynes are hiding.

Meanwhile, Bruce drags a hand down his face, watching King Phantom's face twist as Tim babbles before him. "I told him not to upset the King."

#dcxdpdabbles #the royal consort #Part 5 #King and Consort breaking a sweat on the dance floor #Everyone is lowkey scared of King phantom #Tim is trying his best okay?#More on the alien invasion

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starleska · 2 years ago

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i think ‘Big’ Jack Horner is Disney, and here’s why

many of us have had the pleasure of seeing the incredible Puss in Boots: The Last Wish by now, and were blown away by its clever writing, enchanting animation and emotional character arcs. yet there is one character who booted the trend of having a reason for his behaviour, and outright refused to experience any growth whatsoever.

let’s talk about ‘Big’ Jack Horner, and why i think he’s supposed to represent Disney:

‘Big’ Jack Horner isn’t just an antagonist in The Last Wish - he’s a villain. a self-obsessed, exploitative, murderous, petty, cruel bastard of a man whose awful behaviour isn’t just motivated by personal slights or childhood trauma: he sincerely enjoys hurting other people. whether it’s cheating his goons (’The Serpent Sisters’) out of a fair payment for their services or being excited about shooting a puppy in the face, there’s no denying that Jack delights in causing others pain and suffering. but what does he have to do with Disney?

let’s answer that question with another question: do you think that Jack, when placed next to the other antagonists - Goldi, The Three Bears, even Death - sticks out like a sore, plum-coloured thumb?

of course he does! but why? well, let’s look at Jack on a surface level. Jack is a monolith of a human being. not only is he physically huge and intimidating, he is the inheritor of an enormous pastry fortune and operates in the manner of a mob boss, with countless resources and a whole variety of powerful magical items at his disposal. indeed, Jack employs a crack team of bakers/assassins called ‘The Baker’s Dozen’ to carry out many of his tasks. although Jack does harm others himself, it is because of these resources - including the people who work for him - that he is able to bypass many of the obstacles faced by our protagonists in an honest and character-developing way (e.g., the Pocket Full O’Posies in The Dark Forest). Jack doesn’t need to have a character arc the way the other characters do, because he is so wealthy and owns so much.

but Jack’s reason for owning so much and being obsessed with magic and magical items isn’t through intellectual curiosity, or a traumatic backstory where he needed to learn how to wield magic. do you know what Jack’s covert motivation for owning all of the magic in the world is?

it’s money.

when we get the flashback of Jack’s childhood, dancing for the entertainment of an audience using his nursery rhyme, we see him becoming jealous of Pinocchio - and we see Gepetto in the back, absolutely raking in the cash. if we consider this flashback as that crucial moment within which Jack decided to become what he is today - and the presence of our off-brand Jiminy Cricket inclines us to think so - then we can understand that Jack decided that from that moment forward, he would own all of the magic.

let’s go back to The Baker’s Dozen for a moment. this team of highly-competent, multidisciplinary artisans do everything for Jack, whether it’s baking the pies which make him rich, or laying down their lives at his service. we aren’t given an in-universe reason for why they do this. yes, Jack is feared, but he is still the subject of mockery due to his humble beginnings as a nursery rhyme character. it certainly isn’t due to being treated or paid well. however, if we view the Baker’s Dozen as a metaphor for overworked, exploited artists whose views are routinely dismissed by the money-hungry, powerful corporation who owns their craft...things start to add up, don’t they? considering historic allegations of worker abuse at the hands of Disney, having Jack Horner literally step on their spines and encourage them to flex takes on a whole different meaning.

it doesn’t end there. do you recognise the items that Jack pulls out of his Mary Poppins bag when his Baker’s Dozen are being destroyed by the Pocket Full O’Posies - the items that he calls ‘the big guns’? it’s the broomstick from Fantasia, the spinning wheel from Sleeping Beauty, the size snacks from Alice in Wonderland, and a knock-off Jiminy Cricket from Pinocchio - all references to some of Disney’s earliest and most famous films.

still don’t believe me? well, let’s recap more of the items Jack has in his repertoire:

a hook-hand (referencing Captain Hook in Peter Pan)

a trident (referencing King Triton in The Little Mermaid)

poison apple bombs (referencing The Evil Queen in Snow White)

a glass slipper (again referencing Cinderella)

remember what happens when the knock-off Jiminy Cricket (interesting that there are so many Pinocchio references specifically, huh?) is horrified that Jack is losing so many men? Jack says he isn’t worried about losing the manpower, because he has a bottomless bag full of magical weapons. Jack literally gets his power off of the backs of his workers. sounds a lot like a big company justifying worker layoffs and exploitation because they have so many properties and are too big to fail, doesn’t it?

hell, Jack doesn’t even know what half of these items do! when he’s using the unicorn horns as ammo, he is surprised that they cause people to explode in a shower of confetti. viewing Jack through this lens, it’s difficult not to think about enormous corporations gobbling up properties and churning out content with little to no regard for their artists (looking back at The Baker’s Dozen - some of whom do perish in the fight with the unicorn horns) or what the properties are about. we haven’t even touched on Jack coveting the Wishing Star, a recurring motif in countless Disney movies as representing magic, dreams, and boundless creativity.

now, i hear you saying, ‘but Star! why would DreamWorks bother writing their bad guy as a metaphor for Disney?’ believe it or not, this isn’t the first time that DreamWorks have done this. in case you didn’t know, Lord Farquaad is a caricature of Michael Eisner, former chairman and CEO of The Walt Disney Company. the production of Shrek was actually quite troubled; animators who were perceived as having failed on other projects were ‘Shreked’, or sent to work on Shrek, instead of working on other (presumed to be more lucrative) films. of course, DreamWorks was co-founded by previous Disney CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg, hence the animosity towards Disney and its works evident in the Shrek franchise. this is what formed the story of Shrek: an ugly, crude outsider character taking on the clean-cut moralising of a dictator hell-bent on a so-called ‘perfect’ world, all created against the creative backdrop of a painful separation from Disney and a great deal of pent-up rage.

the irreverent, crass and sometimes adult humour of Shrek was a middle finger to Disney’s high-censorship control on animation. this is why Lord Farquaad (which you may have noticed sounds a bit like ‘Fuckwad’) is so obsessed with Duloc being ‘perfect’, and why he couldn’t stand the freedom of the fairy tale creatures who are the heroes of the first Shrek movie.

in fact, this kind of meta-commentary permeates the Shrek franchise:

The Fairy Godmother from Shrek 2, despite being a fairy tale creature herself, is highly prejudiced against characters who break out of their perceived social norms: i.e., Shrek marrying Princess Fiona and getting his Happily Ever After. she is an expansion of the control left over by Lord Farquaad, and rich because of her monopolisation of fairy tale creatures and their stories.

Prince Charming in Shrek the Third fails miserably to capitalise on these themes, but we’ll get back to him!

Rumpelstiltskin from Shrek Forever After tackles the gluttony of franchise reboots, and how soulless and rooted in corporate greed attempts to reboot often are. whilst not necessarily Disney-specific, Shrek Forever After follows the box office bomb that was Shrek the Third: a movie which noticeably fails to write a compelling narrative approaching any of the themes of the previous two films. the writers learned from their mistakes and wrote a movie which satirised their own selling-out of the franchise, becoming hollow and unnecessary and ‘perfect’ - the very thing they were making fun of in the earlier Shrek films.

there is one more area i’d like to touch on: Jack Horner’s source material. we know that Little Jack Horner is quite obscure: an 18th-century English nursery rhyme involving a boy who pulls a plum out of a pie with his thumb, and congratulates himself for his fortitude. but did you know that from its earliest conception, Little Jack Horner was associated with foolishness and dishonesty?

it’s true: the simple yet inexplicable nature of the poem was lambasted for being infantile, and quickly became the subject of revision, moralisation, and even political satire. it is no mistake that to ‘be under one’s thumb’ (as many of the characters in The Last Wish are to Jack, both literally and figuratively) means to be under one’s decisive control. the choice of Jack Horner for the villain of The Last Wish is a clever one, because we could easily have ended up with a sympathetic Jack, whose ostracisation as ‘not even a fairy tale’ may have led to a justifiable motive, even for his specific brand of cruelty. but instead, the writers of The Last Wish have gone one step further; they’ve transformed a source affiliated with idiocy and deception into a metaphor for a global multimedia conglomerate...all while portraying him as simultaneously terrifying, powerful, and ridiculous.

it has been over a decade since Shrek Forever After was released, and Disney has changed dramatically in that time. a global giant, Disney now owns more enormous money-making properties than ever thought possible, and consistently capitalises on nostalgia for its early properties to make more money and accumulate power. since breaking out of its exclusive licensing agreement with Disney in 2016, DreamWorks has had no official connection to Disney, making the ground for mockery and satirisation of the company which spawned the studio all the more fertile. ‘Big’ Jack Horner is not just a glamorous return to form for the dreadful, unapologetically evil villain which Disney has eschewed in modern times - he’s a hulking, egocentric monster whose avarice rivals that only of the corporation he’s inspired by.

and those are my thoughts on ‘Big’ Jack Horner! of course this is by no means the definitive interpretation - we should all just have fun with the movie and come up with whatever theories we like 🥰💖 i’d love to hear your thoughts on him and The Last Wish in general - he’s definitely one of my favourite bad guys to be released in the past few years!

thanks so much for reading, and have yourselves a wonderful day 🥰

#big jack horner #jack horner #puss in boots: the last wish #puss in boots #shrek #disney #puss in boots: the last wish spoilers #starleskatalks

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serpentface · 16 days ago

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Bulls of the three native wild cattle species- forest bison, buffalo, and aurochs. All three are referred to together as 'kuliganne' (wild oxen/cattle) and only aurochs have a specific name ('ganamit') in common Wardi vernacular, though some local dialects have individual names for each species.

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Forest bison are outright diminutive in size with lean builds, gracile legs, and small horns. They thrive best in densely wooded areas with easy access to water, and are found only rarely beyond the treeline. They feed primarily by browsing and do not compete intensely with the other two wild bovines (which are primarily grazers), allowing their ranges to heavily overlap in some areas.

These bison are the rarest and most limited in range of the native bovines (WITHIN the Imperial Wardi region- they have the widest Total range of the three) . These animals were native to the once vast northern forest, and are now confined to the two remaining major areas of intact woodland. The two populations have been separated for centuries and show minor physical differences, with the western Highland forest bison being slightly smaller with thicker coats, and the eastern Oakland forest bison having longer legs and darker coloration (whether they could be classed as separate subspecies would be a matter of debate).

Forest bison herds can grow fairly large when resources allow, and consist of cows, their young, and subadult males. Adult bulls hold individual territories (which frequently overlap with other males with little competition outside of the breeding season) and patrol the peripheries of their local herds to defend against predators. Herds form out of related females and their young, but do not always stay that way- when different groups meet, they will quite readily exchange members before splitting apart again. Their dominance hierarchies are formed based upon age, and are not strictly maintained by behavioral reinforcement.

They are powerful for their size, but they are accessible prey items for most large predators. Small predators like jackals can occasionally take down adults, and calves are sometimes known to be killed by opportunistic nechoi or even large eagles. Forest bison are swift runners and usually flee from attack, though will form protective circles around their calves when cornered.

Forest bison are interfertile with domestic cattle but do not readily breed with them; hybrids are virtually unknown. Kulustaig cattle of the Highlands show signs of trace bison ancestry, but this hybridization likely occurred prior to their ancestors being brought south across the sea rather than with the native forest bison.

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Buffalo are large, robust, and bulky animals. They are not notably tolerant to dehydration and their range is mostly clustered around large, permanent bodies of water. Wardi buffalo are most populous in savannah and floodplain habitat in the eastern parts of the region, and have largely been kept out of the west (and its highly agreeable, wetter habitats) by the better established aurochs (and the higher density of farmland and livestock). They rarely permanently occupy grassland, but some groups temporarily migrate into the plains during the rainy season.

They are highly social and can group into very large herds as resources allow. Cows and their young form the body of the herd, with bachelor herds existing on the peripheries. Sexually mature bulls generally tolerate each others' presence, and form dominance hierarchies based on size and age.

They are very powerful animals and difficult to kill, with their only regular hunters being lions, crocodiles, riverdrakes, and humans. King hyena (though the largest predator in the region) rarely attempt to tackle healthy adults, and instead pick off sick or injured individuals. Hyenas almost never take down adults, but can be threats to their calves. Buffalo behave aggressively towards sources of predation and will actively mob and attempt to kill lone predators and/or their young. They are extremely dangerous to humans, and may kill more people yearly than any other native fauna (rivaled only by crocodiles).

Buffalo are not interfertile with domestic cattle (and tend to behave aggressively towards them), though that doesn't prevent occasional claims of hybridization. They often compete heavily with livestock (in addition to being a severe danger to humans) and do not benefit from a specifically sacred status, and thus are sometimes methodically extirpated from key pasture and water sources.

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Aurochs are the most widespread of all native bovines, and can be found throughout the region. The Wardi aurochs is highly adaptable and can be found in a variety of environments, but is most notable for tolerating dry conditions- it can thrive in open grassland and even semi-desert scrub that is wholly inaccessible to buffalo. They also fare decently well at elevation and can be found in parts of the Highlands, though compete with livestock for limited pasture and are often driven off by herders.

They are the least social of the native bovines, with most bulls being entirely solitary outside of the breeding season and cows and their young living in small herds (usually consisting of 2-5 adults). Separate herds sometimes congregate in the cooler rainy season to mate and give birth.

Aurochs are VERY large and have few predators (similarly to buffalo, only humans, lions, riverdrakes, and crocodiles regularly kill them). However, their small group size opens more opportunities for the smaller or solo predators- sufficiently large groups of hyenas can take them down, king hyena are occasionally known to chance attacks on healthy adults, and their young are vulnerable to most predators. They can be highly aggressive when provoked, but do not engage in mobbing behaviors.

They are fully interfertile with domestic cattle (though this particular subspecies is likely not the ancestor that Wardi native cattle are domesticated from). Most do not go out of their way to mate with livestock, but some bulls are known (even locally infamous) for 'seducing' receptive cows within their territories. This crossbreeding is sometimes encouraged in hopes of improving cattle stock, though first generation hybrids can often be aggressive and difficult to manage. Some Wardi aurochs populations show distinct signs of hybridization, including the lyrate horns, dewlaps, and some markings of the native domestic cattle.

Aurochs have a near-ubiquitous venerated status among the Wardi, Wogan, and Cholemdinae peoples. They are considered sacred to the faith of the seven faced God and are valuable sacrifices; the Face of God Mitlamache (and God Itself during the act of creation) is usually represented by an aurochs. The word 'mitla' is the Wardi word for both a crescent moon and the horns of aurochs.

There are several variants of bullfighting practices in Imperial Wardi culture, and wild aurochs are used in some. This includes bull leaping, bull dancing (where a person taunts and dances with the bull while evading harm until the animal tires), and the Very dangerous bull wrestling (where a fighter tires the animal until it can be physically wrestled to the ground). Most bullfighting practices are non-fatal, but aurochs specifically are used in explicitly sacrificial fights, a very difficult rite in which the animal must be brought down with only a small blade.

Here's a map showing the (heavily approximated) ranges of the three species. Low opacity denotes low population density or species overlap. Areas of species overlap with bison may imply simultaneous occupation (as the bison does not intensely compete for resources with the other two), while aurochs/buffalo overlap usually does not (they compete directly and established populations rarely occur in the same places at the same times).

This map only indicates the population of the Wardi aurochs, Wardi buffalo, and forest bison (there are plenty of other species/subspecies in these genera outside of the marked area). The forest bison is the only one of the three to occur on both sides of the Blackmane mountains.

#creatures

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soldat-buck · 7 months ago

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i had a vision while making coffee this morning

bg3 culinary headcanons: Companion Edition

- Shadowheart: absolute zero regard for contamination while cooking. kitchen habits of a permanent bachelor. licks the tasting spoon clean and keeps using it to cook. eats hot cocoa straight out of the container with a spoon. thinks pouring ranch over an entire head of lettuce and eating it like feral animal while holding it over the kitchen sink counts as "salad". if you can get past the contamination thing, the food she makes actually tastes pretty good, even if it's sometimes odd (she cooks like a stoner, despite being perfectly sober. she is just Like That).

- Astarion: perfectly capable of cooking, and actually can cook quite well. food may not taste the same after becoming a vampire, but his enhanced sense of smell tells him nearly everything he needs to know about how to season and cook food properly. he doesn't cook because he doesn't like to (washing dishes? by hand? no fucking thank you, being undead is harsh enough on the nails and skin. finding a good lotion for normal undead dryness is already impossible)

- Lae'zel: in the modern world, if her life took her in a chef direction, she'd be in a Michelin star restaurant as the world's best and most terrifying sous chef. she absolutely would throw a knife at you for fucking up her plating (she'd intentionally miss. the first time). no nonsense is ever tolerated in her kitchen, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's got temper issues (her coldness and lack of tantrums is what makes her terrifying). she'd put Gordon Ramsay in his place for his rage theatrics and then make him weep with joy after serving him the most competent omelet he's ever had in his life. if she likes you, you may address her as "Yes, Chef!" outside of the kitchen.

- Karlach: uses 4 pots to make ramen. not because she's doing anything fancy or elaborate with it, the first pot was too small and started boiling over (whoops). the second one was, oh hold on, that's a cast iron pan, maybe you're not supposed to use that for boiling liquids, huh? wait shit, can't use this one either, i'm not supposed to use metal spoons on nonstick, don't want to scratch it. There we go! this one is the right size! and if i scratch this one, it's fine! wait, where the fuck did the flavor packet go (you should definitely be concerned about leaving her alone for the weekend)

- Wyll: very resourceful cook due to his Blade of the Frontier days. can improvise a meal out of damn near anything. can identify every edible plant and mushroom and tell you how to use it in a dish. would carry an herb garden in his adventure pack if he could. would absolutely thrive on the show Chopped (he's actually banned from auditioning again because it's not fair to the other competitors to have him on). he could make you a dessert featuring rattlesnake and fresh picked clover, and you don't know how or why, but you actually like it

- Gale: approaches the kitchen the same way he approaches most things in his life - academically. knows the proper safe temperature to cook meats/etc to, knows how to brown an onion, knows what seasonings are typically used together for certain flavor profiles and how to match seasonings to proteins. knife work sucks because he uses mage hand for mise en place and his mage hand has shitty DEX, but he's scared of his chef knife from the one time he sliced his thumb open (he was cutting an onion with improper hand placement and the knife slipped)

- Minsc: would exclusively eat by dumpster diving if it weren't for Boo's disapproval. eats like a human garbage disposal. he will eat a n y t h i n g that fits in his mouth, he is the least picky eater you will ever meet. does not understand how food challenges in the show Fear Factor are supposed to be challenges

- Halsin: world class forager. very competent hunter. prefers to eat everything as raw as possible. understands but doesn't believe in strict food safety because obviously stomach acid kills germs (and anyway, a little dirt here and there never killed anyone; exposure to germs is good for your immune system). open-mouthed kissing him is gambling with your health. makes the best vegetarian salads but do not trust any chicken he has "cooked". people with weak CON might want to consider avoiding his food

- Jaheira: uses Talk to Animals to Cinderella/Ratatouille rodents in the kitchen. she commands them like she's in perilous battle and the entire world is at stake (also rodents are worse to direct than cats, they do not know the difference between left and right. there's a lot of "No! Not that cupboard, the other one! NO, the OTHER other one! Flank him, he's off balance!"). making a cup of tea is a convoluted, stressful process that takes 10 times longer than just boiling the damn water yourself

if you want more bg3 culinary headcanons, there's also: the Absolute Edition

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