#hr violations all over the place. ALL over

[hourcat]

thank god my last day @ work is on thursday. i truly cannot handle that mf place

[horsetailcurlers2]

just as they were finally about to revoke my membership card for the Certified Derek Shepherd Haters Club, i started rewatching bits of season one and two with the knowledge of what comes later and i i kind of want to rip out all his fingernails one by one

[wingedjellyfishflight]

Sexual Harassment Training

Captain Price has a permanent scowl on his face today, it seems. You see him stomping around like a toddler on a rampage at lunch.

"What's got the Captain all bollocksed up? Did I say that, right?" Soap grins, then grimaces as he thinks about it. Standing together, you dump your trays before Soap leads you to the team meeting.

"Ya, doll, that's how you say it. He's like this every year. Mandatory sexual harassment training for everyone this afternoon." You ponder it for a minute.

"Why? Like, it's just something to sit through, right? It isn't like anyone is harassing our team."

He chuckles quietly and answers, "they aren't worried about the likes of me getting harassed, but that we will harass you, Princess." You elbow him and sit next to Ghost, who has saved you as seat per usual.

"Hey Luv, ready to be bored and insulted for a few hours?"

"Are these really that bad, Bruv?"

"They are, Crumpet. They really are."

"Hey! You need to address your coworkers with respect! Nicknames have no place in this organization, Mr..."

"Riley, Lieutenant Riley." Ghost stiffens up in his seat, restrained irritation pouring off of him. The woman from human resources turns toward you.

"Ma'am I have the form here to file a complaint when you feel up to it. No rush."

"Uhh... a complaint?" You stare at her in complete confusion as she brandishes a form at your face.

"Yes, no one should be treated with such disrespect. Talking down to coworkers is frowned upon." Her voice is condescendingly sweet, grating on your last nerve already. You stare at her for a moment before nodding, and Ghost tries to catch your eye, looking shocked.

"Pet... I mean, Sergeant. Do my nicknames make you feel uncomfortable? I will stop if they do. You never said anything, or I wouldn't have..."

"Hmm...? Oh no, but I will be filing a complaint." Turning toward the smirking woman, you ask, "what was your name again? Brenda McMasters? Perfect." You quickly fill out the paperwork before handing it over. She skims it with a smile, then freezes in place as she reads it more closely, her smile falling. She looks up at you, then back at the paper, reading it again and again as the words sink in.

"You- you can't file a complaint on me! I'm the one teaching you about sexual harassment! I'm here to make sure these brutes don't attack you!"

You shrug before responding, "I feel singled out by you due to my gender and your policing of the camaraderie between myself and my teammates. It is making me feel very uncomfortable, Ma'am." Her jaw is hanging open in complete shock.

You stand and turn to the Captain, watching you with a grin on his face at the front of the room. "I don't know if I feel comfortable being taught by someone who is sexist and clearly violating policy, Captain Price. May we request a different lecturer? I know it will mean rescheduling, but I don't think we should be learning about harassment from someone who has a complaint on file."

Captain Price has to smother his grin and bite back laughter at your innocent expression when Brenda turns toward him. "You are right, Sergeant. Ma'am, I will take that complaint and file it. It wouldn't be proper for you to file one on yourself, or it might go missing in transit." He gleefully plucks the paper from her hands and walks out. She follows, looking ill. You can hear her trying to get the Captain to stop and discuss the matter..

You lean on the table with a pleased look. "So, free afternoon, now. Any plans?" The team just stares at you, still processing what happened. You see Ghost staring down at the table and tap his hand. "You alright, Tiger?" He looks up, visibly distressed.

"The nicknames, do they bother you, Sergeant?" He needs to know now. The last thing anyone here wants is to disrespect you.

"Course not. Makes my day. The only things better are cuddling after a long day while we watch movies in the rec room or killing fucks on the field together. HR doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about, Bruv." Turning back to the rest of the team with a grin you say, "How about we sun up on Captain's grass? He won't be back for a bit anyway."

"You're playing with fire, Lamb. We're in."

[duskier]

That whole 'hot CEO hires you as their assistant' trope... but you're actually a nightmare.

Like out of all of Laswell's headaches, you are by far the most annoying, a pressing sharp feeling that comes in just behind Laswell's left eye the second she smells your perfume. (Despite the several office-wide emails sent about being considerate to your coworkers and not wearing heavy perfumes.) Some sort of rule prevented her from firing you so soon after being hired- if it had been up to her she wouldn't have hired you in the first place, but the board had outvoted her. She was certain it was that damn pencil skirt you had worn.

Sure you looked great on paper, an accomplished loyal employee, but you were... different in person. Unprofessional, clumsy, slow to learn new tasks. Always eager to delegate your work to those you decided were below you- even if they were well above you in the org chart. Assuming you knew best about Laswell's schedule and how she liked to plan things. She almost considered hiring another assistant just to fix all your mistakes.

Doesn't help that you're also convinced she wants you. You always wear these outfits that are skirting a fine line between 'business casual' and 'HR violation'. Bending over her desk to grab something that she could have grabbed herself without moving much at all. As much as she wants to strangle you, she also does find herself appreciating your scent lingering on her clothes after she's gone home, and more than once she's had to cross her legs at the sight of you bending over to pick up a dropped leaflet.

Anyways something something she ends up inappropriately groping and kissing you in a spare broom closet during the holiday party. You have the fucking nerve to jokingly accuse HER of workplace harassment.

[heliads]

GIRLFRIEND i adored your lewis hamilton fics and am BEGGING you to write one for our boy charles leclerc!!! reader could be the public relations manager for the team and after another one of ferraris (unfortunate) racing tactics the press is badgering charles about what went wrong and overstepping boundaries and reader (who would be charles' gf or something idk) kinda steps in and puts them in their place

girlfriend!! anything for charles!

masterlist

If there’s one job worse than being a Scuderia Ferrari strategist, it’s being the director of public relations for the same team. The strategists really do try, bless their misguided little hearts, or so they claim, at least, but they do tend to cause a fair amount of trouble. Every race week, you prepare your statements for every kind of mishap, and every race week, you find yourself scrambling to draft responses to all types of new problems. Delightful.

Well, at least it’s interesting. Besides, the need for all these responses keeps you in a job, so you can’t really complain all that much. If there was one person with a legitimate bone to pick, though, that would have to be your boyfriend. He’s the one out there on the track whose shot at the Drivers’ Championship slips away with every bad plan, but for some reason, Charles Leclerc has still managed to keep his public affection for his racing team in fact.

Publicly, that is. When no one’s around but the two of you, when no one can hear you but the moths clustering on the outside of your glowing windows and the curling wind after dark, Charles sighs and runs his hands through his already mussed hair and actually says what he wishes.

It’s sort of funny, actually, that the only person Charles feels safe to be honest with is the PR head for his own company. As if you’d do a thing to hurt either him or his reputation, though. With the daunting task of carrying the hopes and dreams of all the Tifosi, Charles’ image and the man himself are one and the same. If you can protect him in any way, why would you not?

You just have to take care that you’re doing it inconspicuously. Very few people on this earth know about your relationship with Charles, you’d done that on purpose. Both of you were afraid of the toll it would take on your respective careers should the news come out. You would be accused of unfairly favoring a fellow employee, and he would be called out for similar HR violations.

That’s what years of public relations occupations have taught you. That’s the textbook answer:�� you don’t date your coworkers and so you don’t have to find out what sort of backlash that blunder would win you. In all reality, you have no idea what would happen. Ferrari loves Charles, and you’ve won them some serious Internet credit over the years. After steering them away from several controversies, you’d think they’d be willing to cut you some slack.

Such a scenario, of Fred Vasseur letting you date his golden boy, isn’t even feasible in your imagination, let alone real life. Your little fantasy of public acceptance will have to stay just that until several miracles happen all at once to twist the popular eye in your favor.

Until then, though, you’re happy with what you have, truly you are. You fell in love with Charles for a reason, despite your best efforts and smartest choices. He is a wonderful man and an even better boyfriend. No one in this world has prioritized you or cared about you even half as much as he does. Charles does nothing by halves– not his racing, not his passion for his sport and career, and certainly not loving you.

With him, you feel wanted, and with him, you are willing to hide until hell freezes over and you’re allowed to go public without risking your job. Right now, you have everything, and there’s no way you’d risk that. Working at Ferrari was your dream, and you’ve had it for years now. Falling in love with someone like Charles was beyond your wildest imagination, but somehow that came true, too.

And, when you speak to Charles, he says much of the same thing. Sometimes, when you talk to him, you can still see the boy who’d promised his father he’d drive for Ferrari, the same kid who stepped into a kart for the first time and knew it would be his world forever. Charles has a spirit wholly unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before, yet he still swears that his life wasn’t complete until he met you.

Despite all of his charm, you had still initially tried to resist your feelings for him. Charles had joined Scuderia Ferrari only a year before you did; both of you were relatively new to the love and scourge of the Tifosi. It had been easy, then, to talk with him, to laugh with him, to let him eke out a place in your heart. It was inevitable. It was glorious. It was him.

You hadn’t counted on falling for him, but before you knew it, your heart was doing slow loops in your chest whenever you saw him, and meetings suddenly became way more interesting because Charles always went out of his way to sit next to you. It didn’t matter that drivers usually avoided public relations and media people like the plague, you were suddenly his favorite person in the world.

You watched and waited for it to stop, for him to get distracted by someone else, but that time never came. Charles still stayed hopeless for you, and when you could no longer hide the fact that you felt the same way, he asked you out at last, high on the adrenaline rush of winning a race. You had said yes, of course, and everything after that was history.

Charles is yours now, and you are his. He makes everything make sense, even when the two of you are gnashing your teeth over godawful strategy calls. It’s good to know that he will always be there to discuss the day’s work. It’s good to know that you will always have him.

That doesn’t mean that the Scuderia Ferrari strategists are in any way let off the hook, though. In fact, since you’ve started dating Charles, your resentment towards their bad calls has only grown. Both of your jobs are on the line whenever the strategy team messes up, and yet the problems keep coming.

For example, this week you’re reckoning with another round of bad calls. This time was another erroneous tyre mixup. Charles somehow went into qualifying with two different kinds of tyres on his car, like the strategists ran out of mediums and they decided two hards and two softs would do the same amount of work.

Spoiler:  it did not, and now Charles will be starting the next race from a less favorable position than hoped. In between furious complaints from Charles and utter incredulity from yourself, you’ve been scrambling to come up with some sort of angle for the Ferrari drivers to play during their next interviewers. Yet another crazy turn of events, but when has Formula One ever been boring?

Just in case, you’ll be patrolling the paddock with the other drivers and their communication managers so you can be available if the reporters start asking the kinds of questions Scuderia Ferrari wants to avoid. You split your time evenly between Charles and Carlos; although you may be dating one of the drivers, that doesn’t mean you’ll be favoring him.

Still, you’re not exactly ignoring Charles either. Spending time with him is easier, you can spot his ticks and the invisible signs that he’s losing his patience better than anyone else. That’s the benefit of loving him, you suppose, it gives you the ability to read his mind without needing something as exaggerated as telepathy.

You can see this right now, actually. This one Sky Sports interviewer has been hounding Charles for a good long while now. Charles has attempted to walk away several times, but the guy can’t take a hint and actually started following him, camera guys running in pursuit. Charles’ grin is starting to slip, and his eyes have long since stopped looking happy.

Carlos is still doing fine, so you bid him a hasty goodbye and turn back towards Charles before anything too terrible can happen. As you’re nearing your boyfriend, though, you hear the interviewer pushing Charles more than he should in a simple moment for the media.

In fact, the guy’s getting physical, which is the one thing that certainly should not happen in an interview. Unable to avoid Charles’ attempts to end the prolonged interview any longer, the other man has run up in front of him, actually grabbing onto Charles’ arms to stop him in his tracks.

Charles looks furious, but you are so far beyond that. You appear right behind Charles, stepping in between the two men as quickly as you can. Judging by the fright that cascades across the interviewer’s face, your expression reflects exactly what you’re feeling right now, and that is not a good thing for him.

“I think my eyes must be deceiving me,” you begin slowly, “because it looked to me like you just put hands on my driver. That would be such a monumentally stupid thing to do, so surely something else must be going on. You must have enough fluff in your head to know that laying even a finger on my driver would be a colossal mistake. I know you’re not doing that. I know you’re not. Right?”

The interviewer visibly blanches. “Yeah, that’s right. I’m not– I wouldn’t–”

Your smile is sinister but oh so perfect. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. This interview is over now, right? You were just talking about how Charles has continued to prove himself a capable driver despite setbacks out of his control?”

The interviewer audibly gulps. “Yeah, that. A lot of that.”

“Wonderful,” you grin, “I’ll just stay right here then, to make sure you’re staying on track.”

You take a few steps back for propriety’s sake, but the interviewer doesn’t look like he’ll be trying anything again. You’ve properly frightened him, which feels quite good, actually. Perhaps you should do this more often.

Charles certainly looks like he’s a fan of this. He’s beaming ear to ear, which is certainly a change from the glower that had been on his face only moments before. He’s supposed to be focused on wrapping up this sham of an interview, but he can’t seem to focus for longer than a second without turning around to look at you again. You’ll really have to get after him about trying not to be conspicuous, but you’re feeling pleased with yourself at the moment, so you don’t have the heart for it. Maybe later. Maybe never.

The interviewer shudders. “She terrifies me.”

Charles grins after you, somewhat in a haze. “I know, that’s why I’m so glad she’s my girlfriend.”

Your jaw drops as you realize what he’s said. “Charles!”

Charles’ eyes immediately go wide. “I didn’t– she’s not– shit!”

The public reaction to this is, as expected, insane. For the most part, though, it’s very positive. The fans are glad to see you defending their driver, and thousands of people have voiced their support online for how clearly infatuated Charles is with you. The idea that your bosses would try to split up the two of you is horrible to them, and it’s horrible to you, too.

It’s a good thing, then, that the higher-ups at Scuderia Ferrari would much rather prioritize the future of their drivers and public relations experts than try to cut off this relationship. Vasseur gives you the okay by the next race, and actually adds in some comment about how he’s been wondering if Charles would ever get up the nerve to ask for your number. It appears that the two of you may not have been as expert at hiding your relationship as you thought.

That was your greatest fear, that you would lose your job over this, and now that the danger has passed, you feel an immense wave of relief crest over you. You can keep the life you’d always wanted, and you can continue having Charles be such a main part of it, too. This is exactly what you’d hoped for in your wildest dreams, but your eyes are open now, and full of delight.

Charles is thrilled, too. He immediately rushes to his Instagram to post his favorite photos of you, something he fondly tells you later was a long time coming. The rest of the drivers absolutely destroy him in the comments for being, quote, ‘the biggest simp on the entire planet,’ according to Pierre Gasly, but you don’t think Charles cares at all. He’s got you, that’s what matters most.

And, to make up for the whole debacle, he gets you roses. Ferrari red. He’s a terrible flirt and utterly unstoppable when it comes to winning you over. Shame he’s able to do it every time. It’s almost as if you could never hold a grudge against him for longer than a second. Still, the groveling does him good, and soon enough he’s got a monopoly over your smiles just like before.

So, when the next race rolls around, you’re able to stroll into the paddock holding the hand of your boyfriend. It is not half as terrifying as you’d thought. In fact, it’s kind of extraordinary. Just like him.

f1 tag list: @j-brielmalfoy

[cuubism]

@magnusbae challenged me to write smut using professional email language, and i'm nothing if not a slut for abusing corporate jargon!

-----

>> Saturday, March 26, 8:32pm – Morpheus <morpheus @ dreaming.com> to Office (All):

Subject: TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

I do not appreciate tardiness. Cease your dallying at once come Monday morning. Or there shall be consequences.

>> Saturday, March 26, 8:41pm – Hob <robert @ dreaming.com> to Morpheus:

RE: TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

Morpheus, mate, all due respect, what with your being the sole god, ruler, and iron-fisted authoritarian of the place, but do you have nothing at all better to do than send work emails on a Saturday night?

And before you say, "but Hob, you yourself are replying to emails this Saturday," you are so right! I’m currently drinking alone :)

>> 8:42pm – Morpheus to Hob

I should fire you for such insolence.

>> 8:47pm – Hob to Morpheus

Do it then :)

Alternative proposal: we commit several HR violations like we did in the office on Thursday.

>> 8:50pm – Morpheus to Hob

All proposals must be submitted to me in writing.

>> 8:52pm – Hob to Morpheus

You really want a paper trail?

>> 8:56pm – Morpheus to Hob

It has an email trail already, does it not?

>> 9:05pm – Hob to Morpheus

Please find attached my detailed proposal.

attachment: :)_version_1.docx

>> 9:07pm – Morpheus to Hob

This is twelve pages that only say, “I want to suck your dick.”

>> 9:09pm – Hob to Morpheus

What, have you got edits or something?

Do you need more time to review? Wanna circle back on it later? Block some time on my calendar to go over it? ;)

>> 9:15pm – Morpheus to Hob

My redline is attached.

attachment: :)_version_2.docx

>> 9:17pm – Hob to Morpheus

I’m amenable to those changes.

But on second pass I think we can accomplish more in this partnership. I think I’d like to take you apart slowly, have you begging. You’re always demanding, I think it might be good for you to beg for once. It’s not good business to agree without a little negotiation. I wanna see you beg for my cock.

What are your thoughts on this addition?

>> 9:40pm – Hob to Morpheus

Hi Morpheus, I hope this finds you well. Just following up on this question :)

>> 9:50pm – Morpheus to Hob

Perhaps I am considering.

You may wish to consider that I am your boss.

>> 9:53pm – Hob to Morpheus

I think there’s been a miscommunication. You seem to be laboring under the misapprehension that I give a fuck about that.

>> 9:54pm – Morpheus to Hob

I truly should fire you.

>> 9:55pm – Hob to Morpheus

Don’t you think you deserve to cum first?

>> 9:56pm – Morpheus to Hob

After I beg for it, you mean?

>> 9:57pm – Hob to Morpheus

Now you’re getting it.

If I correctly guess that you’re in your bed, that you’ve BEEN in your bed while you’re “considering,” do I get a gold star? Employee of the month?

>> 10:00pm – Morpheus to Hob

There is no possible universe where you win such an award.

However, your supposition may be correct.

>> 10:02pm – Hob to Morpheus

Excellent, so we’re on the same page, then :)

Are you touching yourself? Are you imagining it’s me touching you instead? Because I’m imagining I have you under me and I’m fucking into your tight hole instead of my hand. (And typing emails w/ one hand is not so easy btw).

>> 10:03pm – Morpheus to Hob

I have two fingers inside me. But it is not enough. I would have your cock.

>> 10:04pm – Hob to Morpheus

I think you know what I wanna hear.

>> 10:05pm – Morpheus to Hob

…Please.

>> 10:06pm – Hob to Morpheus

There’s a good boy.

Don’t worry, love, I’ll give you everything you want. You’re taking me so good, I just know it. Going to feel it for days.

>> 10:07pm – Morpheus to Hob

I am.

Yes

I would have you come in me. If you’re amenable.

>> 10:08pm – Hob to Morpheus  

Fuck you make me so hot. Yeah I’m amenable. Will you cum for me first? Can you cum just from the feeling of me inside you?

10:09pm – phone call from <unknown>

“I thought… you would want to hear it.”

“God your voice… did you get this number from the HR directory?”

“What if I did?”

“Kinda stalkery but kinda hot. Are you close?”

“Very. I… I want you. Badly. Please, Hob.”

“I have you, darling. Ah, you beg so pretty. You can come. I want to hear you. Can you do it without touching yourself? Be good.”

“I can’t—”

“I know you can. Go on. Imagine me with you. Holding your hands to the bed so you can’t touch yourself. I can imagine how beautiful you look. I’d kiss you if I was there, wreck your mouth, too.”

“Hob—”

“Go on. For me?”

“Ah—”

“There you go, sweet thing. I wish I could see you.”

“Will you… come for me now? So I can feel you inside me?”

“Fuck—”

“Good. You feel… so good. Worthy of employee of the month, perhaps.”

“Oh, fuck you, Morpheus. You don’t even have awards at this place.”

“Of course I don’t. That would be inane.”

“Are you satisfied with my efforts, at least?”

“I am pleased to say that I am.”

“Still, I think we should probably debrief that meeting. You wanna touch base about it in person? Say… eleven pm? My calendar’s clear.”

“…Yes.”

[sweetlittleelf]

im thinking so hard about the comedy of an au where porter fully dos not realize that he's going crazy bc he hasnt gotten laid in years, which leads to him getting brainpoisoned into thinking ascending to godhood is a good idea. and then he fucks jace ONE time and is like "oh. well maybe this whole evil plan thing isnt such a great idea" and channels all of the evil plan energy into committing so many HR violations at aguefort with jace.

oh my god Jess that's so fucking good

I do think the original plan was just "bring Ankarna back," and Porter dedicated himself to that plan for decades (completely neglecting his social and romantic life in the process) and slowly over time started to resent how much effort he was putting into this to his own detriment. especially because it's a plan in service of Ankarna and his ancestors and even if he succeeds, there isn't that much of a reward in store for him. and he's thinking like, "well maybe Ankarna wasn't even that good, it's not like she stopped the fall of the house of sunstone in the first place. why am I trying so hard to bring her back when someone else could have done better? when I could have done better?"

so instead of just abandoning this plan that's driving him insane, he adopts an even crazier plan with the idea that at the end of it, he'll get everything he wants. so he betrays bakur and gets a lot of people killed and sides with Arienwen and Kalina and helps a bunch of people do some very bad things because it'll all help him in the end.

and then he has a drunken fumble in a coat room with Jace Stardiamond at an Aguefort faculty party and his whole worldview shatters. and it's no longer 'I need to become a god by any means necessary', it's 'I need to get my cock inside Jace Stardiamond again by any means necessary'

he dedicates all his time to chasing after Jace with the intensity of a military campaign. and Jace, freak that he is, ignores the many red flags and just enjoys that he is being desired and pursued.

Porter is just as creepy and obsessive and he absolutely would still kill for Jace, but now the only thing he's plotting involves bending Jace over his desk after the school day is over.

Aguefort previously did not have a HR department (as evidenced by Goldenhoard announcing a staff vacancy during a memorial speech) but they gain one because of Jace and Porter. All the other faculty hate Jace and Porter now because everyone has to sit through a mandatory seminar on appropriate workplace behaviour.

[bleachbleachbleach]

Been thinking about Shinji and Momo and specifically abt them in relations to the system or the ideal of the system that kind of screwed them over. With Shinji being unjustly thrown out and no one rlly fully unpacking how much of an HR concern was Aizen’s weird boundaries with Momo. You once mentioned in one of ur posts abt Shinji that the Vizards for sure do not come back with full trust in the soul society again and have their own agendas. This makes me wonder how Shinji and Momo navigate that system together now that both of them have made the decision to continue to serve under it? Momo, herself does come across as duty bound but has shown instances of acting against it when she feels the need to for the sake of the greater good (like disobeying orders to save hisagi, or admitting that not all laws are good laws even if she’s technically quoting Aizen) Sorry for the rambling! These two just fascinate me cuz I feel like aside from the whole Aizen thing, they’re like two diff flavors of being back on the job after being screwed over. The somewhat jaded mentor and the eager beaver who got the rug thrown under her.

We joke about Gotei HR all the time, but honestly in the context of their own world and worldviews would Aizen and Hinamori come across to anyone as having weird boundaries? I’m not saying it didn’t get weird but I kind of feel like part of the nature of the thing is that it’d be hard for anyone in Soul Society to point to anything Aizen did that was notably weirder than anything else everyone else does. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be an HR violation somewhere (I just completed my state-mandated sexual harassment training three days ago, so it’s all nice and fresh, LOL) but even if the Gotei had HR I doubt it would have helped in Aizen and Hinamori’s case.

I know there are people who get very deep into canonicity debates about whether Aizen and Hinamori ever slept with each other, but I’m not personally all that interested in the genre as a whole—like, the nailing down of what is or isn’t canon. In fanfic, I figure anything goes if you can make it work for you in your story. For my part, I think Aizen would take pride in not having to have sex with Hinamori in order to make his plans work. Like an *everyone* does sexual manipulation but he doesn’t even *have* to and that’s the *beauty* of the game kind of deal.

But to the question itself!

My take on Shinji is that he is, of course, very well aware of the ways the Gotei fucked him and the rest of the Vizard, and has no illusions about that. But he’s not someone who simmers in that in the same way that Hiyori does.

Honestly, maybe a good comparison might be that Shinji treats the Gotei the way he treated Aizen as a vice-captain. According to Aizen, that was a mistake, but Shinji knows the Gotei better than he ever knew Aizen. Arguably, the Gotei is more knowable than Aizen. Shinji has a certain savvy about him with respect to the Gotei as an institution, and if you now how it works, then there are degrees to which it can be managed, and perhaps even made to work for you. And if you want that to happen, the only place you can do that work is inside it, as one of its Captains. Shinji’s known that since even before TBTP, probably since before he was even himself a Captain the first time around.

But I think another key element here is that Shinji is very, very good at separating the work from the institution from the people. He can engage his octopus brain and hold the meaning of what shinigami effect in the world separate from the ethical and bureaucratic conundrums posed by the Gotei, separate from the personalities that make it up (which are the problem and the best part about the Gotei in turns). He reminds me of this guy who’s been in my toxic-ass profession for AGES but still has a ton of energy and capacity for wonder and enthusiasm and being smart in ways that make everyone smarter, and he manages this by being absolutely ruthless about not getting all sopped up by departmental drama or overly precious about ~the profession~ and making very intentional decisions about what matters and what absolutely doesn’t. I think having that as a model was incredibly useful for Hinamori, as someone with a propensity to care deeply for and about everything.

I mentioned in the tags of another post that I envisioned Hinamori as having a healing justice orientation to the world, part of which is about locating “evil” outside of individuals. It is not inherent, but made. While this does not absolve Aizen of his actions or their supporting worldviews, a path to forgiveness is at least partly about recognizing the bigger picture that produced the conditions for the fomenting of these views/plans. (And that’s before the many ways the system failed them in ways that didn’t come directly through Aizen.) Which means that moving past Aizen is also about moving past the Gotei/Soul Society, while also continuing to work for it—in a major, responsible way.

Like, Hinamori is not clocking in to sweep the floors and then leave to her wife and kids. She’s leading the thing. So what’s the journey there? We see her reclaim her role as 5th Division Vice-Captain in the Winter War (as distinct from being Aizen’s Vice-Captain—ymmv on this, like Matsumoto’s does). In that role, Hinamori has not seemed to have much of a problem with challenging authority when she felt it just to do so, even in moments of more even temper (shouting at Byakuya over Renji’s unconscious body lol). Which I feel like lends credence to the idea that Aizen’s betrayal was probably not her introduction to the world being often an unjust and deeply painful place, or even to the Gotei being these things. Like, I think she understood that. Maybe Aizen even talked to her about that, and part of why she liked him so much was the opportunity to have these long, intellectual conversations about philosophy and governance. And what do you do at the end of these conversations? You can be bitter and angry about it; you can be angry and want to burn it down; you can drink the Kool-Aid and become complicit in it; you can naively deny it and either become complicit in it or get destroyed by it; or you can—

Do what Shinji and Hinamori do about it together, which is to resolve to be the energy they wish to see in the world, which in their interpretation also requires some complicity—being officers in Gotei—and, having made that choice, periodically needing to process that. I mean, I think that’s part and parcel of being involved in any kind of institution (I know I think about it allllll the fucking time), but I imagine the experience is further magnified by the particular histories Shinji and Hinamori have with the Gotei.

I imagine sometimes—a rough week at the office, or in the aftermath of a Blood War they wonder if they aren’t being too complicit. Or, conversely, if they aren’t echoing Aizen too much, in their resolution to craft a world of their own devising. But they were different people, both from each other and very much from Aizen; their devices and visions are different, too. And so the fear falls away.

It will come back. It will probably never leave. But sometimes it’s better to be haunted than not, and ghosts can be welcome reminders.

[immeasurablesaladagere]

Hello salad omg!! Can i please request a drabble about cg house 💜

Caregiver House? More likely than you think. Also this was a "drabble" and then the words kept coming out, so it's a little longer now. As is the way of the world lol

-----

"Alright, kiddies! Come and get it!"

Never in a million years did House think that he would end up where he was today. Four days before Christmas in the apartment he shared with Wilson, tree up and decorated with presents underneath, and his employees over for a Christmas party. Not to drink or make stupid, HR-violating decisions, but to have a playdate, decorate gingerbread houses, and exchange gifts.

Chase, Cameron, and Foreman all clambered for a seat at the table in front of a package of pre-cut gingerbread, each with their own bag of crappy royal icing so there wouldn't be any arguments about sharing, around a reservoir of candy bowls in the middle.

"Remember, we're going to share all the candy equally." Wilson said, sitting in front of his own gingerbread man. "No hogging."

"We won't!" The duckings answered in a disjoined chorus, even though they were definitely going to need to give more reminders later when all the good candy started to disappear.

House worked away at his gingerbread man slowly, using icing and red candy to riddle the poor ginger fellow with gore. While he and Wilson had bought a house kit for each of the ducklings, they both agreed to stick with a package of gingerbread men for themselves, because the stuff barely qualified as food. Thankfully, children, even qualified doctor children, didn't seem to mind eating sweetened drywall.

The houses were coming along as expected, with increasing levels of struggle and detail according to the designer. Chase's house, who was regressed the youngest of the three, had messy globs of icing loosely binding the walls together and candy haphazardly scattered around. Nothing particularly artistic going on, but he seemed to be enjoying himself. Cameron had a style going on hers. House wasn't exactly sure what that style was, but every piece of candy looked like it was being placed with great intention, and she kept sticking her tongue out while she was adding the details. Foreman, the oldest and ever the keener, was adding tiny, wobbly shingles to his roof with intense focus. The other two had made fun of him earlier for being the last to start decorating, but the walls of his gingerbread house were the most stable of the three, and his walls hadn't collapsed even once.

The whole scene, sitting around the table decorating gingerbread, helping Chase when the walls of his creation collapsed for the third time, reminding them to share the green M&M's, praising Cameron's ugly gingerbread people, it all felt sickeningly domestic. He knew Wilson, the sentimental bastard, felt the same way, because he kept giving him these looks across the table whenever he gave one of the ducklings a thumbs-up or held their gingerbread for them to help the icing stick. He just knew that Wilson was picturing them as this weird little family celebrating Christmas together, and maybe they were, but he should have felt out of place in that picture. He was the pissed-off, pill-popping, asshole doctor. No one would think twice if he spent Christmas alone, wallowing in his own misery. Instead, he was roleplaying gay-dads with Wilson and coordinating upcoming holiday plans. And it was nice. This was nice.

He could get used to it.

[letteredlettered]

congrats on ur final day on the job! Hope ur moving on toward some great rest, or something exciting :)) Anything u think itd be useful for someone unionized or pro union to know?

Actually, before I worked my firing-people-HR-job I worked in Labor Relations. On, you know, the evil side. So I know a lot about unions--at least, unions in the USA. The company I worked for was huge and had at least a dozen union contracts with at least eight different unions, and unions in our state are pretty strong, despite the way that unions have been gutted in this country over the last few decades. If folks have more union questions, hit me.

If you are in a union, here are my useful tips:

Know your contract (aka collective bargaining agreement or CBA). Your reps are supposed to know your contract, and they try, but they have a lot going on and it's easy to feel like you know it and forget a lot of minor details. It's helpful for all employees to know their rights.

The strongest tool that a union employee has is grievance. You can file a grievance when the contract has been violated. As such, you're going to have a hard time using your union tools if certain things aren't in your contract. Things like harassment are covered by US law (though I would recommend getting it in your contract anyway) but things like workplace bullying are not. Advocate to your union to get things into the contract, even if they seem like common sense or your company already does them, so that you can use grievance if there's a problem.

Union reps have a lot going on and may not remember to follow all the steps like filing or advancing your grievance in a timely fashion etc. Don't be afraid to be a squeaky wheel with your union and demand fair treatment. They're trying their best but just like anyone, they need reminders.

Conversely, with management, it's more useful to use the tools and power unions have to their fullest potential than it is to complain or be aggressive. As a human being, you should be able to voice complaints or display some anger, if that's what you're feeling, but I think we all know by now that companies don't really want human beings; they want cogs in a wheel. I'm not trying to advise anyone not to be human, but I am trying to say that just because you're backed by your union (sometimes, especially because you're backed by your union) doesn't mean management won't have a grudge against you if they think you're a pain, and you don't want management to have a grudge because your union can't protect you from everything. In fact, if aggression or vociferous complaint seem like the best ways to win an argument, let your union rep (the one who works for the union--supposing that your union is a larger entity and not just the employees of your company) be the bulldog. They should be the ones that fight nasty for you so that you can maintain a polite relationship with your boss and leadership.

If you are not in a union but are pro-union:

If there are unions at your company but you're not in them, stand in solidarity with them. Go to their rallies, protests, and union actions when you can. You won't have the right to skip work to do this, so don't do that, but see if they are doing anything before or after work or on your days off. Encourage others you know to do the same.

If there are not unions at your work, consider looking into how to unionize. If you think unions don't make sense for your workplace, reconsider; they're not just for police and teachers and coal miners. That said, union busting is a real thing that is happening right now all over the place. It's important to be aware of that and do what you can to protect yourself.

Support legislation that supports unions.

[lilmissnatcat24]

are you ready for the trope i've been foaming at the mouth to finally write

“Vakarian?” Pallin’s voice called out from his glass office. He gestured him forward with a flick of his fingers. “Can we talk? Now?” 

It was never a good sign when Pallin called someone aside. He, like most other turians, was professional, bordering on emotionless. Which made it all the most devastating when he would pull someone from the case, or fire them with a neat little severance package, or tell them that they needed to go pick out chunks of a vorcha out of a car grill on Tayseri (and, speaking from personal experience, was probably one of Garrus’s least favorite days working for C-Sec). 

Garrus ignored the immature chittering that came from Chellick, Ridgefield, and Lamont as he joined Pallin down the hallway into an empty office, normally kept clean and tidy for telling families that their children and their parents were found somewhere on the Citadel murdered. Pallin gestured at one of the seats for Garrus, pacing back and forth with a datapad tucked underneath his arm. 

Pallin looked incredibly uncomfortable. He was fidgeting with his armor, fidgeting with his gloves, fidgeting with his mandibles, fidgeting with just about everything in a five foot radius that could be fidgeted with. Garrus realized he’d never seen Pallin look so nervous before. 

He placed the datapad down on the table, looking up at Garrus expectantly. “Is this true, son?” 

Garrus was terrified to pick it up. It could be just about anything. Saren’s orders to fire Garrus from C-Sec, transcripts from a listening device that implicate Garrus in his investigation, a paper trail linking him to a sex club… He picked it up and read: 

Consensual Relationship Agreement

Citadel Security is committed to creating a work environment free from harassment, discrimination, conflicts of interest, exploitation, and favoritism. 

It is against Citadel Security policy to use a position of authority to induce another person to enter into a nonconsensual relationship. Indeed, even consensual relationships in the workplace can cause disruption and other problems in violation to company policy. 

The purpose of this agreement is to affirm that Delia Shepard (Officer- Drugs and Trafficking) and Garrus Vakarian (Officer- Homicide), both employees of Citadel Security, have agreed to engage in a welcome, consensual social relationship--

Garrus’s tongue felt like a foreign object in his mouth, his stomach dropping down several levels. What the everliving fuck was Shepard thinking? His entire face was so stupidly warm, so warm that he was sure that Pallin could feel it from across the room. 

“I--” 

“Listen, Vakarian,” Pallin said in a fake sort of soft professional voice. This was why he was so uncomfortable; dealing with HR matters like this always made him unsure of what to say, or how to say it, or where to put his hands when he talked. “I’m not going to be the one to tell you who you can and can't see when you’re not at work or how to spend your free time. But are you absolutely positive that this is how you want to play this?” 

“Um… I mean… we-- I guess, the two of us… um…” Garrus had no idea what to say. Luckily for him, neither did Pallin, evidently. 

“I don’t need to know the specifics, please,” he put his hand up, a pained expression on his face. “Just… just make sure this doesn’t get in the way of your work, yeah? No… no quickies in storage closets.” 

“No, sir,” Garrus said so quickly it sounded like one garbled, stuttering mess. 

“I better not be able to smell her all over you.” 

“No, sir.” 

“And I sincerely hope you don’t spend all of your time on the seventh floor at her desk. You need to be at yours, working. Is that clear?” 

“Yes, sir.” Pallin opened his mouth once more, then thought better, closing it. He waved Garrus away, a clear end to the conversation. Garrus stood, his head feeling as though someone replaced his brain with feathers and flies. And, doing exactly what Pallin told him not to do, went straight for the elevator and punched in the seventh floor.

[strawberryraviegutz]

No Hazbin/Helluva fans didn’t harass a black person off the internet just for having an opinion over a cartoon. There is SO MUCH being left out. Obviously harassment and slurs is never ever ok but the reason why ppl got upset at HR(the black person in question)in the first place was because they were defending a pedophile.(along with associating with a person who literally ships hiccup with toothless, beetle juice x Lydia and incest. I’d rather not mention that person’s name tho cuz i don’t wanna get swarmed.)

HR is an awful person with an extreme parasocial hatred towards Viv, the shows, and fans. They have done so much damage to the hellaverse fandom. Making racist assumptions about the characters that were just completely incorrect,literally encouraging harassment and VIOLENCE towards fans, purposefully starting up drama/controversy, literally threatening and encouraging violence towards Valentino fans over A MUG,

Along with being extremely hypocritical. They claim Viv and the entire fandom is racist yet HR is a lot more racist themselves. They’ve made racist assumptions about the characters that are just flat out incorrect(like I said above), denied Viv’s Salvadoran heritage using the “Latino/Latina isn’t a race” argument, and have called black hellaverse fans/black ppl who didn’t agree with them in general the c slur(or have just said that the black ppl who didnt agree with them weren’t black at all). Their pfp was also a racist depiction of black ppl from a cartoon called Fritz the Cat and while that cartoon is a critique of racism, black ppl being depicted as crows still was kinda weird.

And yeah the c slur is their slur to reclaim but it’s still hella icky to call someone a slur just because they don’t share the same parasocial hatred for a cartoon. Especially if it’s your own ppl. They also claim that ppl who like Valentino romanticize/fetishize abuse and or rapists(even tho most Val fans are rape and abuse survivors themselves. Tho even ppl who aren’t victims should still be allowed to like him because he’s a FICTIONAL villain.) and just shit on ppl who like Val in general meanwhile they were a Stella apologist/defender.

They literally used to have a twitter banner that said something like, “black queers have reclaimed stella”. Stella is abusive towards Stolas and literally bragged about committing marital rape against him at the not divorce party. HR has said that Stolas isn’t a victim at all and that Stella has every right to act the way she does towards him along with denying Stolas’ trauma. HR also “rewrote” Asmodueus/Ozzie in a fic to be ok with rape and sex trafficking because they thought it was unrealistic for the king of Lust to be against rape.

Like I said above they’ve literally encouraged VIOLENCE AND HARASSMENT towards us and have block evaded ppl which is violating boundaries. They have spread SO MUCH misinformation about the shows, the creator, the fandom, and the staff behind the shows. We weren’t celebrating them leaving the internet because because they were black nor is it because we think they deserved to be harassed or called slurs. No. We’re celebrating them leaving the because they were just an awful human being.

And I’m tired of you bozos trying to push this narrative. You hellaverse haters claim to care about black and poc ppl but you rlly don’t. You only care about the black ppl who have the same hatred towards us as you.

“B-But the black face Alastor cosplayer!!”

I literally can’t remember the last time a huge chunk of a fandom came together to condemn the racism of other fans.

(Not to mention I saw a few bigger Helluvaverse fan creators say that non black ppl shouldn’t speak over black ppl who were rightfully concerned about Alastor’s voudu symbols when that controversy was going around(which was also started by HR).Even then if you compare the symbols in the show to actual veve you will see that the ones in the show ARE FAKE.)

Pretty much the majority of the fandom condemned that Alastor cosplayer(and or cosplayers cuz I heard there was like 3 more but I’ve only seen that one picture). And instead of comforting the black hellaverse fans who were affected by that, you just used the incident as a tool for your own selfish gain and only comforted the black people who agreed with you.(along with denying Viv’s Salvadoran heritage which is believe it or not..kinda racist.)

“Omg the hellaverse has antiblackness in it!! So much for claiming to be Allies!!”

NEWS FLASH HONEY. ALL FANDOMS HAVE AN ANTI BLACKNESS PROBLEM. WHY ARE YOU SINGLING OUT HELLAVERSE WHEN GESHIN IMPACT AND SO MANY OTHER FANDOMS ARE RIGHT THERE(no hate to all Genshin fans tho. I like the game too despite the company’s shitty practices).

Since yall wanna claim to be “actual allies unlike those filthy hellaverse stans” Where were you when black and or poc hellaverse fans were being harassed and called slurs + being called whitewashed by haters for liking the shows,huh??

Where were you when we were being sent death threats, animal gore videos, and being told to kill ourselves??

WHERE WERE YOU?? WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?? Yeah exactly. Thats what i thought.I’ve literally been called the N word with a hard R and told that one of my comfort characters I selfship with would slaughter me for being a hellaverse fan.

Yall claim to be there for black ppl yet turn a blind eye to us for the cardinal sin of being fans of Viv’s work. Yall werent there for us when we were being treated horribly by haters. Get the fuck off your high horse. You don’t actually care about us. All you guys care about is preaching more hate and vitriol towards the creator, shows, and its fans to try and “own” us.

And don’t even get me started on yall using a hellaverse’s fan’s suicide as more ammunition to spread more hatred towards us, making up fake stories about being gang raped by Hazbin hotel fans, along with physically assaulting hellaverse fans irl and trying to set them on ON FIRE. Yall can take your fake allyship and shove it right up your fucking asses. Cuz we as black/poc hellaverse fans sure as hell don’t need nor want it from you.

[woefully-undercaffeinated]

What to do when something illegal happens at work

When your boss does something illegal at work, it's common to freeze up because you're not sure what to do. Here are a few tips for how to handle those situations during and after:

While it is happening:

Keep yourself safe. In the moment, your first priority is always to keep yourself and others from physical harm and out of danger as much as possible. If any other advice I give you conflicts with that, your safety takes priority.

Make sure you know where you are. If you think your safety might be at risk, getting your bearings can be critically important. Take note of potential exit routes, hazards, the flow of traffic (both vehicle and foot traffic), cameras, and any safe areas you know of. Later, knowledge of your exact location may be very important in reconstructing events.

Check the time. Knowing exactly when something happened, and how long it took, will be extremely valuable.

Look around for witnesses, and try to bring some over if possible. Witnesses will both reduce the likelihood of more outrageous behavior and help you to take action afterwards. Do your best to remember who was there.

Say "please let me finish" every time you're interrupted, and count the number of times it happened. Bullies love to interrupt people at the first sign of disagreement, and then later they'll claim that nobody disagreed with them when instead nobody could get in a word edgewise. Saying "please let me finish" calls out the fact that they were interrupting, and a count of the times you were interrupted will help you protect yourself from being misinterpreted later.

Avoid agreeing to anything or signing anything if possible. You have the right to review any document that you're asked to sign, which usually includes taking the document and having it examined by an attorney. If you're being threatened with serious consequences if you don't sign immediately, write "signed under duress". If they're asking for a verbal agreement, try to get them to accept a "let me think about it/check my to-do list/etc" rather than a hard "yes". Even if the thing you'd be agreeing to is something you're okay with, it's still important not to agree to things when you don't feel like you're allowed to say "no"; in stressful situations, our judgment can be seriously compromised, and allowing yourself to be bullied into saying "yes" will set a bad precedent for further interactions.

After it's over, as soon as you're in a safe place:

Complete the WTWFU checklist

Send a follow-up email summarizing your understanding of what was communicated. It can be as simple as "just to ensure we understood each other, what I got was that you were telling me/us that [we'll be disciplined if we discuss our wages/contacting a union is a fireable offense/our pay will be docked if anyone submits a complaint to OSHA/etc], is that correct?". If there is information that protects you, such as a health condition or pregnancy you need accommodation for or a prior agreement that is being violated, include it in your email even if the company already knows. CC HR and any coworkers who were present and BCC your personal email*. Forward any responses to your personal email as well*.

Rescind any agreements you made. Either in the same email as step #2 or in a separate email, depending on what you think is appropriate, say "I didn't feel like I could safely say 'no' in that situation, so I'd like to rescind my earlier agreement until I've had some time to reconsider." If it's something you think you'd have otherwise agreed to, try to offer a time frame for an actual decision. CC HR and BCC your personal email*.

Collect any evidence you can, and make note of any evidence that exists but isn't accessible to you. This includes emails about the issue, any photos that were already taken or that you can safely and legally take,

If something illegal was done or hinted at, contact the applicable regulatory agency as soon as possible with all of the information above.

Consider arranging a consult with an employment law attorney -- consults aren't the same as retainers, they're considerably cheaper (or sometimes free, depending on your income and the possibility of a lawsuit) and can either turn into ongoing representation or just be a one-time service.

* Don't include information that you have a legitimate duty to safeguard, such as customer data, protected health information, or non-public market-affecting information. This does not include any information pertaining to working conditions, your compensation, regulatory compliance, or workplace safety -- the company isn't allowed to demand that you keep those a secret. Either try to get the point across without including the specific information that's being safeguarded, or censor it by replacing it with two underscores per replacement with generic descreptors as necessary (i.e. 'I have safety concerns about the release of our secret robotics project on January 10' becomes 'I have safety concerns about the release of our __[project]__ on __[date]__').

[specksizedgoddess]

A giant sluggirl at the office has taken notice of you. At first you thought she was just clumsy, almost sliding over you while you're on you ways to meetings, but you've notices she leaves an impenetrable coating of slime right outside your cubicle* right before lunch like every day. (*a small, 3" cardboard box - you did not find your job particularly fulfilling).

One day at the water cooler, she almost crushed you while installing a new jug--you spoke up, finally voicing how you felt like how she was ignoring you. Her eye-stalks leered at you, "Why would I care what a speck thinks?" she sneered. The blatant violation of HR policy, the slow realization that some of her past behaviors may have been intentional. You felt so small. "B-but!" you protested. "What do you even do here? If you dissolved in my mucus would anyone here even notice? Be real."

She knocked you into a cup when another coworker passed by and drank from it. You shouted and tried frantically to avoid being sucked down--but none of your noises were big enough to make it to the coworker. After he left, she peered down at you and chuckled. "Give me a good reason to not just end you". Strangely flustered but also desperately afraid your mouth spoke without your permission to use you as she wanted. She smiled and slid back to her cubicle, leaving you in the cup.

Upon arriving at her cubicle, you bore witness to her horribly messy workstation, the residual ooze from her coating nearly everything. She dumps you out on the desk, and mocked, "How about you keep this place spotless". Before you could get to your knees to start scrubbing with your hands, she tossed a bundle of fabric, "dress the part" She had this prepared

You put on the outfit, a parody of a business-woman and a maid with hardly any fabric, all your bits spilling out. She laughed at you and your ridiculous clothes. Humiliated, again you protested, "W-when HR finds, HR finds out--" "--Girl, I've got freckles bigger than your dick, and pores bigger than your tits, you really think you've got the guts to bring this up?" The speck had no guts.

Tuesday. You brought your meal-prep for the week. You cleaned a square foot. She took your lunches and used them as a garnish on her lunch. She laughed at your tiny, sweaty body squirming to clean off her ooze from more of the desk. She left, the floor completely covered in slime, blocking your exit. An all-nighter.

Wednesday. You're rags were stained. She refused to clean them. You were so hungry you resorted to eating the crumbs left around. When you asked for something to drink, she cocked her arm and dropped her armpit over you, glazing you in some wretched liquid. The strap that covered your left boob finally gave out. Another all-nighter.

Thursday. You were so hungry you were considering cleaning with your tongue. She told you to dance for your lunch. You almost got someone's attention, but she played it off as though she were watching something on her phone. As punishment, she glazed the 2.5 sqft you'd cleaned with a fresh coat of slime. At least the speck had something to drink. Still trapped. Another all-nighter.

Friday. When you saw her in the morning you asked for something to drink, and unconsciously opened your mouth to her armpit in the sky. She did not let you live that down. Teasing you for giving up so easily. She spat on you for your daily hydration. You danced for her, none of the original outfit remaining, when you wanted lunch instead of asking like a person with dignity might've.

A week had passed of this humiliation and she was right. No one noticed your absence. Not at the meetings, the water cooler, or lunch. You were just a toy for the mean slug girl to play with and mock. It was bad enough that you were a worthless mote, but before closing, she made you say it. She pushed you down with her finger, twice as large as your torso and a million times larger than your ego, and pinned you down, and told you to call yourself her toy. The speck acquiesced. Then she twirled her finger, rubbing the bug in placed, and asked if it liked it, if it liked being nothing but her toy. Again, the speck said yes--though this seemed to anger her.

"God, I wanted this thing to last longer," she lamented, "it's no fun when it doesn't even try to fight back" The speck lied there, unthinking--thinking was for girls with dignity after all--and waited. She threatened to get the mote fired--no, girls get fired, such a threat was meaningless for a worthless crumb. "Dance!", and the dust speck danced "Beg!", and the bug pantomimed "Cum when I bully you!", and the kinky mote began to leak "No no! This is too easy! You'd let me swallow you whole wouldn't you!", the speck stretched out its arms to welcome the oral embrace

Strangely she felt compelled to follow through, and grabbed the thing up in her jaws. Mumbling to herself, "If it was fine being eaten, why would it have offered to do anything I asked back then"

The sudden change of heart, the slow realization that some of this speck's submission may have been intentional. She felt so played, "w-wait" she gulped.

And with that, Eve smiled as she slid down into that slimey slug stomach. She may not have been able to give two week's notice, but she'd have two minute's fun down here before finally finding fulfilling work: as empty calories for a hot workplace bully.

~🐍💜

HDJDJDJFJD OH MY FUCKING GOD HUN

I COUPD READ THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN THIS IS SO FUCKING PERFECT

I GENUINELLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO ADD I WAS. HUMPING A PILLOW WHILE READING THIS- IMMEDIATELY ADDING THIS TO MY FAVORITES, THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVORITE ONE YOUVE SENT PERIOD-

Oh my GOD I need this so badly... overworked, exhausted, baggy-eyed and feeling useless to the company... all I needed was for her to show me just how useless I really was....

Finally a real job... I fucking love the idea of being too small and far too weak to even escape her cubicle if I wanted, its my new home... I exist for her, I exist to serve her- the humiliation makes me tremble, and half the times when she's gone (and often when she's not) I'm leaking like a FOUNTAIN onto her desk, imagining her comments... my body on full display for her, the least I could do- SGJDDJF GOD

I NEED THIS LEVEL OF HUMILIATION SO FUCKING BADLY OH MY GOD

I could bring up every little bit, I could fawn over this for fucking PARAGRAPHS, but I. Am gonna refrain myself... hdhdjjrd god I love this so so so SO much thank you-

... I will say that the um. freckles bigger than your dick and pores bigger than my tits part might have made me audibly squeal....

Need this so badly... I need to be a tiny thing at the mercy of an office bully... I should have known when she vandalized the "Treat Tiny Co-Workers with Respect!" posters with her ooze... GODDDDDDD

KISSING YOU YOU BRILLIANT BRILLIANT GAHCHAHCJSJD GOSH <33333

[velvetjune]

List of unrelated Control (2019) things I noticed on my second playthrough:

Langston (highly likely) being behind the Tennyson Report that Trench was investigating: The report loudly criticized Trench and Darling for being “anti-esoteric” by pushing the FBC in the direction of science instead of faith. Langston’s comments that Darling gets away with his strange behavior because he’s charming, disliking but giving Trench some credit for even going with the Panopticon, mentioning how altered items need to be treated better with rituals and kindness.

Langston taking a traffic light altered item to a movie

The archives having Pandora’s box (aka Hiss in a mod box) along with two astral spikes. Why. I fought so much for that extra Darling video and Threshold Kids episode (it was worth it).

Trench, Darling, and Marshall’s inner circle and close relationship that destructed with the investigation into the Ordinary AWE and Dylan. All three of them being figures of the old Bureau Jesse wishes to change (Trench being secretive about the Hiss; Darling with Heston/Polaris; Marshall with the Foundation; All about Dylan). Wish the game hinted at their connection and past more. Maybe they’ll still be in contact through the hotline.

Underhill and Darling being old friends, maybe exes (?) who still care for each other. Honestly, I love the mild one-sided animosity from Underhill for Darling’s research getting more attention (that we know is because he was committing ethical violations with Trench) while clearly having fun hating on him and working at the FBC again. Even funnier that HR was looking into their possible relationship status.

Underhill dropping her career and life in England for mold. Iconic

The sheer difference between Underhill’s shocked and sad reaction to hearing of Darling’s death versus Pope not giving a shit (and saying she’s sure he’s happy as long as he can take in his surroundings). Love Emily

The amount of drama between coworkers and departments. I’m convinced working in HR at the Oldest House would single-handedly be the most stressful job there.

There’s no way the Blessed organization/Chester Bless won’t be a part of a future Control game

Spoilers for Alan Wake 1/2: The night springs manuscript pages reflecting what happened to Trench and Darling. Incredible. But it only feeds into my belief that Alan is great at writing fun, cheesy genre stories. He was made for writing over the top sci-fi or noir mysteries (or even musicals). Let him write a Goosebumps book

Spoilers for Alan Wake: The Vivid Dreams dead letter by Bowker being a reference to the Bright Falls AWE. Being in a lake and seeing shadows that whisper phrases.

Spoilers for Alan Wake: Zane’s shoebox from Alan Wake maybe being o.o.p. that was found in Ordinary, Maine, protecting its contents from the effects of the AWE. The mention back to Samantha Wells from the House of Dreams ARG where Wells communicated with Zane in her dreams. The shoebox effects could be replicated, but it mysteriously went missing in the FBC.

Spoilers for Max Payne 2: The Flamingo altered item on the TV being the same as the logo for the Address Unknown show in Max Payne 2 (…which was a parody of Twin Peaks,, and would later become the plot of Alan Wake 1 and 2)

Spoilers for Alan Wake 2 Final Draft: The HRA video with Darling quoting Space Oddity—“Commencing countdown, Major Tom” (same song at the end of Alan Wake). 665 Neighbor of the Beast for black rock quarry in Darling’s presentation and room 665 for Zane. The Darling music video at the Oceanview Jesse finds in her dream state possibly being filmed at the Dark Place’s Oceanview Hotel. No idea of these were all fun Remedy references to itself for laughs (665 is in Max Payne too), but it truly is incredible that it led to the Zane and Darling collaboration.

[iforimaginary]

The Humorous Creation Tale of The Magnus Institute’s HR Department:

My boyfriend and I have been sitting on this absolute gold mine of a headcanon and taking the mick out of it every chance we get in any fan-works of TMA we happen to create.

Small Disclaimer: This short story leans pretty heavily into Jonelias with a decent bit of Jmart on the side so if that isn’t your cup of tea, I apologise in advance.

Without further ado, let me paint you a picture…

↓↓↓

Ever since Jon had received the promotion, Elias has been getting rather tactile. It’s nothing you might regard as remotely worrying at first- a gentle touch of the elbow as he brushes past him in the corridors, an affirming hand on the shoulder after a particularly successful statement follow-up, a linger of his fingers upon Jon’s as he’d hand over a misplaced file. All in good faith… Jon would tell himself. It’s not like he particularly minded and it seemed like a frivolous concern to schedule a meeting over so he let it fly by.

To say that the situation ended up sorting itself out would be a blatant lie. As a matter of fact, it seemed to progressively get more severe and certainly way more noticeable.

Not only would Elias’s loitering contact grow more tenacious, but Jon’s schedule would appear to fill up with increasingly more impractical performance reviews. He was however compensated fairly enough with extended breaks and his superior’s persistent reminders that he absolutely ought to take more time to rest between his quests of digitalising archive data.

That all ended up succumbing to it’s final boiling point when Elias took it upon himself to give Jon a massage while he was seated in his office, door wide open, recording yet another trivial statement. Sometime during that encounter Jon allowed the other man’s artful hands to get lost under the unbuttoned collar of his shirt as he tipped his own head back to rest on Elias’s shoulder. He still didn’t particularly mind and the predicament definitely seemed to surpass any kind of concern one might schedule a meeting over.

However that would no longer be Jon’s call to make as Martin, who carelessly left his umbrella behind at his desk in the middle of British October, happened to witness the entire affair with incredibly sober clarity.

A few strings were pulled and one firmly but delicately worded conference with Elias later, a shiny novel HR Department was now in operation at The Magnus Institute under the supervision of none other than Martin K. Blackwood.

Needless to say Martin remained the only member of this particular department, which suited him just fine as actual HR concerns at the time were very few and far between (save for Tim’s pamphlets droning on about ridiculously short holiday allotments discretely slipped into the suggestion box). His primary heed was focused upon putting a stern halt to the ‘workplace harassment’ that Jon insistently argued against by trying to convince his researcher that, as far as he was concerned, it didn’t make him all that uncomfortable and could hardly even teeter on the edge of what would by definition be ‘harassment’. This however did nothing to sway Martin.

Soon enough Elias had a perpetually growing pile of small printed warning slips taking up precious drawer space which in a short enough span begun turning into fully typed HR Violations presented on intimidatingly yellow card paper. But sadly, as these things always tend to go, not much truly meaningful action ever ended up talking place. Who does one deliver the violations to when the one ‘violating’ is the head of an independent non-profit institution?

And so a new routine developed like clockwork; Elias would so much as graze past Jon when navigating The Institute, receive a glaringly yellow envelope the next day and proceed to stash it along with its predecessors. Eventually he learned to be more careful as he could only afford to allocate so much desk space to Martin’s inconsequential little game.

In the end all that really had to change was the ever late hour of Jon’s scheduled performance reviews…