#howard link my beloved

[thefinalsnart]

Jump SQ Rise WINTER 2024 Cover Redraw

[thefinalsnart]

Bestie I am on my stomach laying next to you at a sleepover kicking my feet in the air. You should do that I heard he has a crush on you. He’s soooooo cute you should tell him and watch as he freezes up a little and hides his face, giving an exasperated sigh but you can see his neck and ears turning red. Tee hee. 🙈🧡✨

i want to fluster the hell out of link :( hes so pretty,,,,, illegal to have such a beautiful face

[evilfarmin]

two bagel

[metiredlr]

Wishing them a VERY happy birthday ( ˙꒳​˙ )♡

[queer-ragnelle]

Best of Arthurian Queens

Seeking recommendations for media featuring the Queens of Arthuriana?

Here’s a curated collection of Retellings, Films, TV shows, and more ordered alphabetically by Queen and oldest to newest. Each recommendation comes with a brief synopsis and review containing mild spoilers.

All PDFs link to my Google drive, videos to MEGA drive, and can be found on my blog. Each passage adopts the unique spelling of character names as used in the media.

♥ More Best of Masterposts ♥

Guinevere of Camelot

Books

The Defence of Guenevere by William Morris

In this famous poem, Guenevere gets to say her piece before the court and call out by name the individuals that wronged her.

The Story of King Arthur and His Knights by Howard Pyle

The Story of The Champions of the Round Table by Howard Pyle

The Story of Sir Launcelot and His Companions by Howard Pyle

The Story of the Grail and The Passing of Arthur by Howard Pyle

Queen Guinevere is regal, powerful, respected, & beloved in this series. The art featuring her is stunning.

Kairo-Kō: A Dirge by Natsume Sōseki

Japanese retelling with poetic prose that really sells the heart wrenching tragedy of Guinevere’s affair with Lancelot & the weight of her serpent crown.

Launcelot & Guenevere by Richard Hovey

A series of plays which showcase Guenevere’s marriage to Arthur & love affair with Launcelot facilitated by Galehaut. Numerous heart wrenching lines.

Guinevere by Sharan Newman

The Chessboard Queen by Sharan Newman

Guinevere Evermore by Sharan Newman

Follows Guinevere for her whole childhood, fleshes out her family, handmaidens, & friends, romantic first meeting with Arthur, magical unicorn, great chemistry with Lancelot, raised Galahad like her own son. One of my favorite portrayals of her ever.

A Camelot Triptych by Norris J. Lacy

A fascinating examination of misogyny’s part in Guinevere’s treatment concerning the Vulgate storyline. Guinevere gets the second of three chapters, but she’s integral to the entire collection. Her portion in the cold, lonely nunnery is heart wrenching & it really sympathizes with her situation to show her humanity & the forces acting against her.

The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman

A post-Camlann story. While first shown to be living unhappily at the nunnery, Guinevere later reappears as a participant of the Wild Hunt, & gets her own flashback chapter near the end. She’s an integral part of the plot resolution.

Movies

Knights of the Round Table (1953)

Elegant & queenly Guinevere with gorgeous styling & costumes. Childhood friend of Arthur. Gives her favor to Lancelot in exchange for a quaint necklace made from a coin she takes everywhere. Merlin is respectful & kind to Guinevere & has her best interest at heart, never talks about her behind her back to Arthur. Guinevere & Elaine on great terms, Guinevere gets to temporarily foster Galahad after Elaine’s death, & in the end, Arthur never entertained the idea of punishing Guinevere with death for anything.

Sword of Lancelot (1963)

Passion project of Cornel Wilde, who wrote, directed, & stared as Lancelot in the film. Cast his own wife Jean Wallace, to play Guinevere—the chemistry is fire. Many knights of the Round Table that adore Guinevere, including Dagonet who temporarily goes mad/missing after Guinevere’s sentencing to the stake. Well-meaning Arthur who nonetheless fails to uphold Guinevere’s agency & belittles her less than lady-like skillset including hunting, & ultimately loses her to Lancelot for that reason.

Camelot (1967)

Iconic Guinevere. Ride or die with “Wart” before she even knew he was her betrothed, Arthur. She shares in all his dreams & ideas, as a viewer you can feel how valued she is. Cherished by her champion knights, Dinadan, Sagramore, & Lionel. She wasn’t keen on Lancelot at first but obviously falls in love with him as much as Arthur did. Gorgeous costuming & many beautiful songs with her ladies & knights.

Excalibur (1981)

Sweet healer Guinevere who gets along with everyone including Morgan, has a seat at the Round Table, great chemistry with Arthur & Lancelot, beautiful costuming, talented acting.

Merlin and The Sword (1985)

Stunning Guinevere with an alluring deep voice. Awesome chemistry with all characters. Adored by Arthur who is animated & energetic but doesn’t quite “get” her & beloved by Lancelot who stares silently at her & throws himself into danger left & right for her. Pretty dresses & crowns throughout & her dilemma between the two men is especially tough here, which she’s able to explain in her own words which is a rarity.

Camelot: The Legend (1998)

Animated kid’s movie in which Guinevere is entirely devoted to Arthur & has her own interests & goals including gardening at Camelot. She’s taught how to sword fight by Lancelot which comes in handy later when escaping Morgan & Mordred.

Arthur & Merlin: Knights of Camelot (2020)

Powerful Guinevere in a story inspired by Alliterative Morte which leaves her stranded at Camelot with Mordred while Arthur & Lancelot fight in Rome. She refuses to accept Mordred as king & rebuffs his advances, intimidating him with her cold & direct rejections. She also banters with Antigone, Mordred’s accomplice, while remaining regal & poised.

TV Shows

The Adventures of Sir Lancelot (1956-57)

Guinevere appears in 11 episodes, has a seat at the Round Table, politically involved & valued by all. Confident & poised. Friends with Gawain, Kay, & Lionel. Great chemistry with Arthur & Lancelot. Matching costumes with Arthur. Socially progressive for the time, including an episode without Arthur in which Guinevere runs a market fair to trade with people from the East.

BBC The Legend of King Arthur (1979)

Young innocent Guinevere with a seat at the Round Table, loves Arthur as king but best friends with Lancelot. Framed for killing a knight with poisoned fruit & championed by Lancelot. Beloved by the knights but victim to Morgan, Agravain, & Mordred.

Starz Camelot (2011)

Guinevere in episodes 3-10, engaged to childhood friend Leontes but loves Arthur. Friends with Igraine & Bridget. Her opinion is valued by all, involved in the resolution of several episode plots & overall organization of newly formed Camelot. Advocates for the other women. Helps defend the castle from invaders.

Games

Camelot Crush: A Round Table Dating Sim

Guinevere is one of six characters the player can romance. Adorable art & fun, exciting storyline. Guinevere is lovingly rendered & has a sweet, loving relationship with both Arthur & Lancelot, & potentially the player!

Herzeloyde of Wales

Books

The Story of Sir Launcelot and His Companions by Howard Pyle

The Prioress, as she's called, isn't here for very long. Yet it's very sweet that on crossing paths with Percival, Lamorack was on his way to visit their mother at the priory. So they go together to visit her, receive her blessing, & talk with her into the night. She survives the narrative!

Parsival - A Knight's Tale by Richard Monaco

This book has her pov, however briefly. It's very haunting to get her perspective on Parsival as he becomes increasingly violent with age & returns to her bloody from the hunt. Overall the book takes a disturbing turn I don't fully recommend it but the beginning is fascinating.

Spear by Nicola Griffith

This version draws on Welsh & Celtic mythology in which Elen has withdrawn from society with her daughter, Peretur, to avoid the wrath of the Tuath Dé after stealing the magic cauldron. It’s revealed later that Elen is the sister of Myrddin & he’s sustained despite Nimuë’s spells as a result of that connection.

Movies

Perceval (1978)

A French adaptation of The Story of the Grail by Chrétien de Troyes set on a stage. Perceval’s mother follows her exact role from the book, cautioning her son about the world, & dying of heartbreak on his departure. She returns at the end as Mother Mary to compliment Perceval as Jesus Christ at the crucifixion. Costuming is colorful & detailed. Bonus points for removal of racism & antisemitism from the text.

TV Shows

Rising Impact (2024)

A cheesy sports anime that stars Gawain—but in season 2, Percival is introduced & both of her parents make an appearance when Gawain comes over for dinner.

Games

Granblue Fantasy

Herzeloyde is the wife of Gahmuret & mother of Aglovale, Lamorak, & Percival. After her death, Gahmuret became obsessed with resurrecting her, which he then passed to Aglovale on his own death.

Igraine of Cornwall

Books

The Crystal Cave by Mary Stewart

The Hollow Hills by Mary Stewart

The Last Enchantment by Mary Stewart

An interesting take on Ygraine who is married to an older Gorlois but actually consents to the affair with Uther facilitated by Merlin. Very noble & wise, she remains regal throughout her later life & maintains a relationship with Arthur.

Morgan Is My Name by Sophie Keetch

Igraine in love with Gorlois & empowering to their daughters is always an amazing interpretation. She’s a pious woman doing her best by them despite all the forces of the patriarchy working against her.

Movies

Excalibur (1981)

Igraine is introduced during a celebratory party at Tintagel hosted by Gorlois where she dances for the visiting knights. There Uther desires her & conspires with Merlin to have her. She already has her daughter Morgana with her when Arthur is sired & born. The last we see her, she’s screaming for Merlin to return baby Arthur to no avail.

TV Shows

BBC The Legend of King Arthur (1979)

Loving Igraine & Gorlois are torn apart immediately when Uther takes a liking to her & demands Gorlois hand her over. When Gorlois refuses, he’s slain, & Igraine is chastised by young Morgan for “giving up so easily.” This Igraine has the saddest expression I’ve ever seen she sells the tragedy. After Arthur is taken by Merlin, Morgan is sent to live in a nunnery while Igraine flees to Orkney to live with her elder daughter Morgause, son-in-law Lot, & grandsons.

Merlin (1998)

Igraine is introduced with husband Gorlois & daughter Morgan after Uther defeated Vortigern. She wears beautiful matching red garments with her family & plainly loves her spouse & child. She’s heartbroken when Gorlois leaves her to fight Uther & freaked out when he “returns” after the battle to sire Arthur on her. Truly a victim of a tragic narrative.

Starz Camelot (2011)

This is the Igraine of all time. She’s in 9/10 episodes! A complex character that really highlights the struggles a woman goes through in her time caught between powerful men. Her approach is criticized by Morgan, her step-daughter, who berates her “weakness” in “allowing” Uther to kill her husband & take her to wife. Igraine tries to counsel Guinevere in her worries over marrying Leontes despite loving Arthur, befriends Ector after the death of his wife & the foster-mother of Arthur, & she does all she can to help Camelot succeed. Beautiful costuming & styling with intricate crowns & circlets to indicate her status as dowager queen. The acting is incredible especially during the magical body transformation that results in scenes portraying Eva Green’s Morgan pretending to be Claire Forlani’s Igraine. She ate. Phenomenal.

Comics

King Arthur: Legends of Logres by shoulderangel

Ongoing webcomic with a major focus on Igraine. She harbors a lot of anger toward Uther & trauma surrounding the ordeal which carried over to the relationship with Arthur. She slowly heals over the course of the story & rebuilds her connection with her son.

Isolde of Ireland

Books

The Story of the Champions of the Round Table by Howard Pyle

Belle Isoult is lovingly portrayed here & beloved by both Tristram & Palamydes. She's a skilled healer & raised by her bold mother to be an independent thinker. I love that she has black hair, it stands out compared to her other portrayals!

Restoring Palamede by John Erskine

Such an interesting & nuanced Isolde. She does switch places with Brangaine to avoid a wedding night with Mark but it feels less insidious here. Isolde’s relationship caught between Tristan/Palamede/Mark doesn’t feel misogynistic or as if she’s a plot device. Feels like a person who’s in an unhappy marriage, in love with Tristan, & great friends with Palamede. I especially liked that she was allowed to feel vulnerable, even depressive, & that Palamede was concerned enough to forego ceremony to make sure she wasn’t hurt. It’s a testament to their friendship.

The Ballad of Sir Dinadan by Gerald Morris

Not a particularly kind portrayal of Isolde considering it’s Dinadan point of view, but I still felt her love affair with Tristram was engaging & the ending did get to me even if the reader knew it would end badly. For some reason her manner of death shocked me. It was different & that stands out. It truly felt tragic.

The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman

Isolde the Blond only shows up in Palomides flashbacks, but his first encounter with her blew me away. Loved her description of having a slight overbite, we love normal teeth in historical fiction. But what really stands out is after Palomides slaughters a bunch of would-be rapists, Isolde is alone among the ladies undisturbed by the gore & cleans Palomide’s blade before handing it back to him. I understood in that moment. It would work on me too.

Movies

Lovespell (1981)

Isolt is introduced while hawking & gives some guy sass for trying to tell her what to do. Turns out that was Mark visiting Ireland & they hit it off despite the age gap. Later Tristan comes to pick up Isolt but he’s played by Nicholas Clay so obviously she falls in love with him. Bronwyn is a creepy sorceress hag who gives a love potion to Isolt to use with Mark but she uses it with Tristan.

Fire and Sword (1981)

Truly the most unhinged Isolde ever. The closest to her medieval counterpart I’ve encountered. The only person Isolde loves more than Tristan is Isolde. She’s also magical & sort of manipulates the story with that.

Tristan & Isolde (2006)

Adorable Isolde who lost her mother young & hangs out with older matron in waiting Bragnae. Rescues Tristan off the beach like a rotting fish & strips naked to hold him for warmth. So she has some of that unhinged energy. Tristan kills Morholt & accidentally wins Isolde for Mark but since Mark is played by Rufus Sewell, & he’s essentially Arthur here, he’s too good. A legit love triangle without the excuse of a love potion to fall back on. Sucks to be them!

TV Shows

The Adventures of Sir Lancelot (1956-57)

In episode 5, Mark captures Lancelot. Isolde is vocally opposed to her husband’s methods & when tending Lancelot’s injuries in his jail cell, slips him a knife. At the end she is granted leave of her husband, & goes with Tristan to her new castle.

Morgan le Fay of Rheged

Books

The Story of King Arthur and His Knights by Howard Pyle

The Story of The Champions of the Round Table by Howard Pyle

The Story of Launcelot and His Companions by Howard Pyle

The Story of the Grail and The Passing of Arthur by Howard Pyle

Morgana is the mischievous sister of Arthur, wife of Urien, & mother of Ewaine. She steals Arthur’s scabbard & returns it to the Lady of the Lake. She’s one of four queens who imprisons Launcelot & attempts to lay a spell on him to spite Arthur. At the end, she bears Arthur away on a ship to Avalon. The artwork throughout is beautiful. While antagonistic, she gets silly with it, threatening to curse the land with an evil worm after a magical ring doesn’t fit her finger. Despite her misdeeds, Ewaine always associates himself with his mother.

The Acts of King Arthur and His Noble Knights by John Steinbeck

The best Morgan with her own chapter! She’s cunning, ruthless, diabolical, & kind of silly when she disguises herself as a rock. It’s hilarious how blind Arthur is to her attempts on his life & blasé attitude about punishing her. Morgan tries to kill her husband, gaslights her son Ewain into believing he didn’t see what he saw, then still asks Guinevere’s permission to leave court. Goofy poltics. Later in Ewain’s chapter, he describes his mother most lovingly. It’s a compelling way to paint Morgan as a multi-dimensional character even when she’s off page.

Idylls of the Queen by Phyllis Ann Karr

Morgan helps Kay & Mordred in their investigation to track down the culprit who framed Guinevere for murder. She’s friends with Nimuë, who helps facilitate the meeting. Morgan’s an interesting mix of Christian & mystic, using magic to temporarily rewind time & show the knights events that took place the night of the murder. She’s manic & clever, I loved every word of her on the page.

Morgan Is My Name by Sophie Keetch

Le Fay by Sophie Keetch

This series is yet incomplete with a third book to come, but the first two are solid. Opens with Morgan’s birth & follows through all the events of her life from losing her parents Igraine & Gorlois to Uther, both her sisters Morgause & Elaine to their husbands Lot & Nentres, & eventually her own freedom when she’s sent to a nunnery. By book 2 she’s married to Urien & has her son, Yvain, who she adores & attempts to do right by. But her bitterness toward Arthur & Urien poisons the relationship. A compelling Morgan with anger issues & a kind of stale but sweet romance with Accolon that ends in tragedy.

The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman

Complicated Morgan who got to speak her mind explaining where her complicated bitterness toward Arthur came from. She lives in the Otherworld with the fairies & Green Knight. She’s keeping Arthur sort of alive after Camlann in Avalon & participates in the Wild Hunt. She has an amazing end game situationship with Palomides. Biggest gripe was Collum pilfered her son’s backstory with the lion but oh well.

Movies

Knights of the Round Table (1953)

Morgan is the wedlock daughter of Uther, sister of Arthur, who believes her claim to the throne is stronger & wants Mordred to be king. She’s the ringleader for all of Mordred & Agravaine’s plans, coaches them on all they should do, & stirs the pot on her own whenever possible, purposefully putting Guinevere into awkward positions. The costuming is amazing, all her veils & dresses are beautiful. She’s so catty here & her rivalry with Merlin is funny.

Excalibur (1981)

Iconic Morgana. Starts with her as a child who witnesses Uther in the guise of her father come to her mother & knows him for who he is. It’s said multiple times she watches with her father Gorlois’s eyes, through her, he haunts the narrative. She learns magic from Merlin & eventually uses that to seal him away & beguile Arthur into siring Mordred. She then raises Mordred all while tormenting the grail knights. Stunning costumes, veils & crowns, even armored bodice looks. Sexiest Morgana ever.

Merlin and The Sword (1985)

Funky redhead Morgan with the most perfect evil laugh. Her black feathered costume hints at her ability to turn into a crow. Auntie Morgan, as she’s called, coaches her nephew Mordred on how to work his way closer to his father Arthur while he & Agravain antagonize Lancelot & Guinevere. She conspires with some Pict warriors to have Guinevere kidnapped. She holds Ninian’s father hostage to get her to turn against Merlin. She’s a powerful sorceress with many abilities including potion making & summoning a dragon.

TV Shows

The Adventures of Sir Galahad (1949)

Morgan is a magic user who aids Galahad on his quest to recover Excalibur. She helps him avoid Merlin’s machinations & breaks him out of prison with the use of quirky spells.

The Adventures of Sir Lancelot (1956-57)

Returning after many years of banishment by her brother Arthur, Morgan appears in episode 26 with her son, Rupert. She hopes that helping him cheat will guarantee him a seat at the Round Table & secure her return to court.

BBC The Legend of King Arthur (1979)

First episode opens with Morgan & her parents, Igraine & Gorlois, as Uther makes his untoward intentions known. Morgan loves her parents & never forgives Uther for killing her father & taking her mother. She learns magic from Merlin & kills Uther, after which she’s sent to a nunnery while her mother goes to live with Morgause in Orkney. She returns later as an inconspicuous nun Arthur never suspects of treachery & holds a seat at the Round Table after the death of Merlin. She teams up with Accolon to steal Excalibur’s scabbard & coaches her nephews Agravain & Mordred to stir trouble at court. Understated acting with subtle but intense emotion behind it.

Merlin (1998)

Morgan is introduced alongside her parents, Igraine & Gorlois, when they come to pay homage to Uther. She’s got a cute speech impediment she maintains into adulthood & has a heartbreaking Hector/Astyanax moment while wearing Gorlois’s helmet before he heads out to die against Uther. She formulates a long term relationship with the fairy Frik & eventually gets pregnant with Mordred by Arthur in an attempt to take the throne. She’s played by Helena Bonham Carter who ate the role up & looked like a stunning mall goth the whole time.

Starz Camelot (2011)

My favorite Morgan in anything ever. Immediately murders Uther. She’s ruthless & determined, evil & sly & clever while also continuously screwing up & having to recalibrate all her plans to undermine Arthur’s rule. Stunning costuming, styling of hair & jewelry. Eva Green’s acting is insane here. Morgan’s magic weighs on her like a curse, the generational trauma is palpable, & she maintains complex relationships with all the women in the story including Vivian, Sybil, Igraine, & Guinevere. She forms a temporary alliance with Lot that was very sexy.

Games

Camelot Crush: A Round Table Dating Sim

Morgan is an NPC character the player can encounter in game. Adorable art & fun dialogue!

Morgause of Orkney

Books

The Story of Sir Launcelot and His Companions by Howard Pyle

Margaise is minimal, but she & her husband Lot loves spoil Gareth rotten. Margaise brings Gareth to her bower where she tells him it's time he went to her brother's kingdom to join the Round Table with his brothers who "shine forth like bright planets in the midst of a galaxy of stars." She loves her children dearly.

The Marriage of Guenevere by Richard Hovey

Morgause is so sneaky here insinuating herself into Guenevere’s confidence to try & break apart her marriage with Arthur before it even begins. She tricks Ladinas, a knight of the Round Table, to do her bidding, dragging Guenevere’s brother Peredure along with them. Gawaine is only sixteen here & not yet fully assuming a position he can combat this. OC collateral damage be damned I support women’s wrongs.

Holy Isle by James Bridie

This play has an incredible Margause that rules the roost in Orkney. She’s “a tall, sinisterly beautiful woman” with no fear or uncertainty. Everyone except wifeguy Lot is afraid of her & she takes full advantage. Margause can read & Lot cannot so she directs him on how to handle matters of state. She ends up stowing away in a ship to a new island to insinuate herself into the goings on there. She’s dubbed “Queen” by the locals in lieu of her name.

The Book of Mordred by Peter Hanratty

Witch Morgause meets a tragic end rather quickly, but she loves Mordred & bends over backwards to protect him from her fate.

The Road to Avalon by Joan Wolf

Morgause plays a small part compared to her sister Morgan, but Morgause raises her nephew Mordred as her own to keep him hidden from Arthur. She’s kind & considerate. After Lot dies, she marries Pellinore, who helps raise her children. After Pellinore dies, she marries Lamorak. She survives the narrative! Gaheris, who had been helping his mother run the estate, arrives at the final battle to secure the victory.

Morgan Is My Name by Sophie Keetch

Le Fay by Sophie Keetch

This series focuses on Morgause’s little sister, Morgan, but they have an interesting dynamic that Morgause teases Morgan by calling her “Morgana” to annoy her which inspired the series name. Morgause happily married young handsome Lot to become a queen which was refreshing. She also stepped up when Morgan needed protecting/explanation about Uther’s behavior toward their mother. Overall a rare positive portrayal.

Movies

Camelot (1998)

Morgause is one of the ladies of the lake whom Arthur meets during his childhood growing up in Avalon. She teaches him to dance & they fall in love & marry. It’s not indicated whether they are siblings at all, but it seems they aren’t. She’s the mother of Mordred who later comes to Camelot after Arthur had left to marry Guinevere.

Excalibur Kid (1999)

A plan hatched by Morgause results in Zack pulling the sword from the stone before Arthur can. She is ultimately fouled when Zack realizes the plot & foils her plans. Her costuming is cute & the actress is a pretty redhead with a sassy interpretation of the character.

TV Shows

BBC Merlin (2008-12)

Morgause is introduced in season 2 when she enters a tournament in full armored disguise. She summons Igraine’s ghost to explain to Arthur the true circumstances of her death & Uther’s culpability. Arthur doesn’t take this to heart & ultimately drives Morgause (& Morgana) to oppose him before the end.

Games

Granblue Fantasy

Morgause is the widow of Lot & mother of Gawain & Florence. She’s a powerful sorceress who developed a magical defense spell & took on trainees Florence & Lamorak.

[tobbesdiscordkitten]

Guns N’ Roses Fic: You Don’t Know How This Works

Summary: One morning Howard telephones Axl to interview him and to secretly get under his skin by flirting with his girlfriend, Roxanne. Little does Howard know that Axl has other mischievous plans up his sleeve.

Characters: Axl Rose, OC: Roxanne, and Howard Stern.

Pairing(s): Axl Rose/original female character, Axl Rose/female reader, Axl Rose/Roxanne, Howard Stern/Roxanne.

Rating: Explicit, 21+

Word Count: 2,357

Warnings: Howard is a creep, humiliation, drug use, mentions of bondage, vaginal fingering, forced climax, and oral sex.

A/N: This fic is inspired by Howard Stern’s 1990 interview between Axl Rose and Sebastian Bach. Parts of the interview have been altered to fit this story’s plot. In the fic, Roxanne is semi based off of Erin Everly. Link to video => here

Everything inside the condo was quiet. Morning light seeped into the bedroom, casting a golden glow on both the wrinkled white bedsheets and Axl Rose's sleeping form, while his head was buried underneath a layer of pillows. It was peaceful. Until suddenly, on the nightstand, the telephone began to ring. The obnoxious sound reverberated off the walls. Axl stayed in bed, somewhat blocking out the noise with his pillows.

He had stayed up all night partying with his friends, drinking vast amounts of hard liquor, injecting himself with heroine, and French kissing his beloved sweetheart, Roxanne aka Roxi. His body felt wrecked and his mind harbored a horrible migraine. The ringing only made his problems worse.

Axl groaned awake, picking up the receiver, a hint of grogginess in his tone. "Hello?" Axl's eyes caught a glimpse of the clock - 9:15 a.m. Who the fuck was calling this early?

"Hey, Axl, it's me - Howard Stern. How the hell are you? What have you been up to?"

Axl's peripheral vision was somewhat blurred and his mind was not registering the bombardment of questions Howard threw at him. He sat up in bed, rubbing a hand over his face, hoping his mind would clear up. Unfortunately, for the migraine, it still knocked on his frontal lobe like Heaven's Door. "Wh-what?"

"Come on, man. Don't dodge the question. Tell me about your life. What's been happening? Are you still banging chicks? Writing any new songs? You still partying like a wild animal?" Howard always pried each of his guests on air and wanted to know everything about their life. It didn't matter if it was his business or not, Howard made it his business.

"Yeah, man. Sure."

The answer was vague and Howard knew it. He needed to try a new tactic, go slow, take each question at a time, and then he'd get the answers he was searching for, including some dirt as a bonus. In the end, the turtle won, not the hare. "You sound tired. Did I wake you up?"

"No," Axl lied. "Just laying in bed, reading some magazines."

"Yeah? Any hot chicks on those covers?"

"Not a chance.” He cleared his throat. “They're Rolling Stone articles."

"Oh, business replaced pleasure this morning?"

"If they didn't shred me in the papers it'd be the opposite."

"What kind of shredding?"

"How I don't live an honest life. That kind of bullshit." It was true. The media did try to distort his public image by twisting the facts and cranking out lies about his personal life and incidents that have occurred on tour.

"I hear ya, man. Critics can fuck you right in the ass. It's their job. They wanna fuck every celebrity they can find, including me. I'd rather they sucked my dick. Like in your song, Out Ta Get Me."

Axl snorted. "It's one thing we have in common." His eyes wandered to the other side of the bed, noticing the empty space. Where was his baby girl? Was she in the kitchen brewing some coffee? Making breakfast? Outside of the bedroom, he didn't hear the clinking of dishes to confirm his suspicions, or the aroma of coffee grains. “Roxanne?" Axl called, unaware that Howard was still on the other line.

"Oh, is she there?" Excitement crept into Howard's voice.

Axl grunted. "Yeah, man, she's here..."

"What's she doing right now?"

He shrugged. Why was Howard interested in his girl? It seemed strange…odd. "Hell if I knew. She disappeared on me."

"Uh oh. That doesn't sound so promising," Howard mused. "Is she fucking one of your boys?"

Axl eyed the door. "Nah, man. She's loyal." Or at least he hoped she was. She wouldn't wander out of the condo to fuck one of his band members. If that was the case, he'd tie her down on the bed and remind her who she belonged to. It wasn't the first time that happened and it wouldn't be the last.

"Doesn't sound loyal," Howard commented. "Tell me something: does she have big tits?"

The question took him off guard but Axl tried to remain unfazed. Instead, he chuckled, picturing her voluminous globes and perked nipples. "Why? You jealous?"

"No, no. All I'm saying is," Howard corrected himself, "you're lucky for finding chicks with great racks. It's a rare find these days."

"A lot of 'em are fake, but she's a natural."

Howard paused, listening intently. He heard many rumors about Axl over the years, particularly about his temper. Howard was purposely trying to get a rise out of him and see if he would blow up over the line in front of Howard's daily listeners. He just needed to push each button a little more...

Axl continued, "You can squeeze 'em and all sorts of sounds come outta her like a chew toy."

"You suck her tits too?"

"Lick, bite, suck," he elaborated. "Look, it doesn't matter. She creams for me. End of story."

Around the corner, Axl heard the front door unlatch, creek open, and close. Roxanne must've arrived home.

“Axl?"

"In here, baby."

Roxi walked into the doorway of their bedroom, holding two coffees and dangling a plastic bag, with a bagel logo on it, around her forearm.

Axl sighed with relief. She didn't wake up early to cheat on him. She went out of her way to buy them both breakfast from their favorite bakery across the street.

Roxi held up his beverage, whispering, “Black coffee with extra milk for my King."

Howard interrupted the precious moment with his chattering demands. "Lemme speak to her." If Axl denied his wishes, he wouldn't hear the endless complaints from Howard for the rest of the interview, and Axl was already running low on patience this morning. "Babe, come here. Howard wants to talk to you." Axl motioned for her to step closer.

Roxanne walked in, handing him his coffee, and setting the bag on the nightstand. She grabbed the phone, pressing it against her ear while her index finger snaked around the cord, twirling it. It was a nervous habit. She never spoke to a famous person before, let alone Howard Stern. "Hello?"

"Is this Roxi?" Howard questioned, wanting confirmation.

"Yes."

Her voice was music to his ears. She sounded sweet like licorice, seemed childish like a doll, and innocent like Bambi. He could tell her very essence encapsulated an aura that could only be found within his childhood but was buried underneath life's hellish experiences, stripping away such purity. "You sound very beautiful," Howard complimented.

Roxi blushed, twirling her finger around the cord until her blood circulation came to a halt. "Thank you."

"What are you wearing?"

She looked down at her attire. "I'm wearing a dress."

"What kind of dress? Is it short?"

"No, its long. A long black dress. Nothing fancy."

"I see. I bet it's accentuating your curves, am I right?"

Roxi blushed again, harder this time, and held the phone against her ear tighter, hoping to block out Howard's voice in case Axl overheard him. She knew how jealous and overprotective Axl got, especially towards playful banter. "Thanks. Uhm...it's stylish, yeah."

Howard sensed her uneasiness. It was time to go straight for the kill. "Right. So, tell me, have you and Axl been making love every night?"

Roxanne turned to look at Axl. "Why are you asking me these questions…?" She asked, laughing nervously. Axl caught on and knew Howard was acting unprofessional. He took the phone away from her, sitting her down on his lap. "Howard," Axl said, wrapping an arm around Roxi's waist to keep her glued to his side.

"What, man? I'm just curious. I need to know the details. Is she a good lay?"

"Best lay you'll never have." Axl squeezed Roxi's hip. "She's mine. Nobody can have her."

"Nobody can have her yet she has everybody." Howard shot back.

Axl tried to keep himself composed. "Nah, man. You don't know how this works." He took Roxi's coffee out of her hand and placed it on the nightstand. He cradled the phone with his shoulder, using one of his hands to hold Roxi in place while his other hand sneaked underneath her dress, diving into her panties. She jolted at the sensation, wide-eyed, cupping her mouth shut with both hands.

Why was he displaying his dominance now?! She wondered.

"How what works?"

"This." Axl slid a finger into Roxanne's pussy, making her gasp. He could feel her velvet walls clench around his digit.

"How does it work?" Howard persisted.

"Only I know how it works." Axl slid in another finger, hooking them inside her. Roxi moaned into her palms and arched her back. "I intend to keep it that way." She didn't notice but Axl's eyes turned a shade darker as his dominant, protective side took over.

"Aww, I can't be part of your little club?" Howard found this whole interaction amusing and was oblivious to what was actually occurring.

"Nope. Just me." Axl withdrew both fingers, sliding them along her slit until he found her clit, stroking it. Roxi whined, leaning herself further onto his chest.

"I see. Only the cool kids get to join, huh?"

Axl nodded, stroking her clit a little harder.

Howard shook his head in mock disappointment. "That's alright. I'm not missing much."

Roxi came. Axl swiped his fingers along her cunt, coating them in her warm, fresh juices. “Not a damn thing." He confirmed, sucking away her slick. She was the most delicious thing he ever tasted. She was far superior than any meal Howard would never graze upon in his lifetime.

Roxanne's body went limp against Axl as she tried to catch her breath from the quick yet intense orgasm. She could feel his hardened erection poke into her ass at the seam of his pants. Now it was his turn to get a release.

Lying back on the bed, Axl repositioned Roxi to straddle his waist. She inched her body downwards and undid the leather belt-buckle on his jeans. Next, she used her teeth to unzip the fly of his jeans, tasting a hint of copper on her tongue. Her fingers dug in to free his throbbing manhood that was already leaking precum. In the room, a cool breeze wafted over his cock, helping it grow a few inches.

"So, Axl, tell me, will there be any covers on this album?"

Axl wanted to forget Howard was on the phone. He wanted to forget this interview was even happening and, instead, focus on the pure, erotic bliss Roxanne was gonna provide him. Axl wished he could smash the phone and never hear Howard's annoying voice again. But he couldn't. He needed the recognition. He needed the world - his fans - to hear about his upcoming album. And most of all...he needed a damn good blowjob.

Roxanne suctioned her lips around the base of his cock, diving head down to engulf his shaft in her throat. Axl cursed under his breath and used his free hand to guide Roxi's head, setting the pace.

"It's uhm...it's coming. We recorded Live And Let Die a few months ago."

"Oh yeah? The James Bond hit? I can foresee you guys executing that."

"Yeah, it's been really great." Axl looked down and saw Roxi's head bob up and down, causing her cheeks to hollow out, sharpening the contrast on her cheekbones. It was a lovely sight to behold. He bit back a few moans, cursing under his breath again. He didn't want Howard to know or suspect an inkling about this situation.

Reaching his hand out, Axl caressed Roxi's dark locks and petted her head, a notion that indicated she was being a good girl for making him feel grounded and satisfied.

"I heard a rumor Steven left the band-"

"He didn't leave. He got fired." Before Howard could ask why, Axl responded, “couldn't leave his drugs, couldn't leave her..." He closed his eyes, savoring the moment. Roxanne was more addicting than heroine. Every time he got a piece of her, or she got a piece of him, he craved her insatiably. He could spend all day drinking her sweet nectar until the pipe ran dry. But he would want to come back for more, as if his thirst never got quenched during the first round.

"Mrs. Brownstone," Howard joked.

Axl laughed. "Yeah, yeah. We should've named it that." He could feel his climax approaching like a freightrain. He bucked his hips upwards, causing Roxi to gag a little. She recovered and only sucked him off faster.

"I'm guessing the rest of the album is gonna be a big surprise then?"

Axl grunted and felt his hot seed spurt out of his length into Roxi's milking hole. "Uh huh. Top secret. Classified."

Roxanne pulled her lips away with a popping sound, not loud enough for Howard to notice.

Howard understood and decided it was time to wrap the interview. He knew Axl wouldn't tell him anymore details and it'd be a waste of time to try and coax it out of him. The two men had enough fun for one day. Maybe next time he’ll try again. “Alright, man. Hey, listen, it was great talking to you and I hope we can do this again sometime."

Axl rolled his eyes, trying his best to fake a genuine impression through gritted teeth. "Yeah, man. Sounds great."

"Tell Roxi I hope to see her again soon."

"She won't be here the next time you call."

Howard paused. Did this manic rockstar catch a glimpse of the future just now? “Really? How can you be so sure?" He queried.

"Because...I just know." After announcing his final words, Axl hung up the phone, and turned his attention towards his lover. "Thank you, baby. You did good."

Roxanne sat on her haunches, staring at her King. "Why won't I be able to talk to Howard again?" She asked curiously. She didn't mind not speaking to him, the interview was awkward enough for her. She hated how Howard put her on the spot in front of millions of listeners. But she also wanted to know the reasoning behind it. If her was willing to tell her.

Axl hummed, using his thumb to swipe a droplet of cum from her lower lip. "Because…that's not how it works."

Taglist:

Side-note: if anybody else wants to be added on my taglist for certain eras/characters, let me know!

[acapelladitty]

caught a saint, while he was sinning

Pairing: Cooper Howard/Lucy Maclean

Summary: His insides more outside than he would like due to a deathclaw attack, Cooper is fixed up by Lucy until a wicked nightmare sparks disaster between the pair. (5k words)

Fic Masterlist

Link to AO3

Hissing in discomfort while Lucy diligently threaded the needle through the torn flesh of his lower stomach, Cooper grit his teeth against the pain as he let his mouth run to compensate for the sharp sting.

"That goddamn hurts, vaultie."

Lucy paused at his exclamation, her hands stuttering in their work as she glanced up as his drawn face. He hid it well but she could see the dullness in his eyes as he refused to flinch away from the needle which pulled his skin neatly back together.

"Sorry. I'm trying to be gentle. I haven't sewn someone up before, only my clothes."

A rogue deathclaw had got the better of Cooper, its sharpened talons ripping a solid line through his stomach and tearing the hell outta his shirt as it ambushed them from behind an old billboard they were attempting to pass by. Quicker with his reflexes, Cooper had knocked the oblivious Lucy down to the ground as the beast charged but the slight delay cost him the kill shot and the pained shock of having his skin torn open had dropped him just as quickly.

Lucy had been the one to put it down, recovering with surprising speed as a scream wrenched free of her throat at his injury. Her hands had been quick to pull her gun free and blow a chunk clean out of the beasts head, a lucky kill which felled it in an instant. Immediately returning to drop to his side to check the damage, her hands had been everywhere, tugging at the ripped shirt to expose the wound as he lay there, gasping and grunting as he valiantly fought the urge to scream.

It had hurt like fresh hell in a handbasket.

Sure he could heal, but something like this took time and that vulnerability was almost worse than the wound itself.

Luckily, a nearby house - the four walls barely standing due to weathering and age - had been close enough to be jerkily hobbled to as Lucy supported him with his arm locked around her shoulders.

She had never seen him hurt like this before and it showed in how her fingers trembled and her eyes refused to leave him as she administered what little help she could. It was a level of attention that struck a hot discomfort which ghosted across his skin as he endured her ministrations while propped against one of the filthy walls within the kitchen.

"Will you be okay?" Lucy asked, again, and as much some part of him acknowledged that the question came from a place of genuine concern, Cooper couldn't help the irritation it ignited within him as his jaw twitched.

"I'm damn fine, quit your fucking yappin'."

Lucy winced at the aggression but didn't stop her work as she sewed up the last of the wound and tied off the end of the twine. Her fingers were coated crimson and the glossiness of them made her feel queasy as she inhaled and exhaled careful breaths to keep her composure. Watching Cooper drop following the fleshy squelch of his abdomen being carved through had made her own heart cease beating for a solid moment and the adrenaline from that fright refused to leave her as it spilled across her actions.

"Do you need anything?" Her shaking hands reaching for the small backpack which housed her kit, Lucy wasn't sure what the hell she was supposed to do now. The blow should have killed him, it would have killed her stone dead as her body was much softer than his own, but Cooper was still here, suffering yet as much of a grumpy bastard as ever. "What about some chem?"

"Best idea you've had today, sweetheart." Cooper hissed through gritted teeth, his hand unfurling from his duster to hold out and await his beloved drug. "Hand it over."

Lucy didn't hesitate, uncorking the small vial and placing it within his hand, holding it there until she was certain that he had a good grip of it. In response, Cooper didn't hesitate to slam it down his throat - a few errant drops dripping free of his lips as a satisfied shudder rolled through his damaged frame.

"Sweet as honey." He mumbled, wiping off his mouth with his wrist. "Apple pie and ice cream ain't got shit on whatever the fuck they lace this with. Makes me miss cocaine."

With no idea what that was, Lucy smiled indulgently regardless before her face turned somber once again and her nose pinched with concern.

"But will you be okay?"

"Relax, princess. Don Pedro used to carve more than this off me for fun and you don't see me sobbing like a bitch about it."

"Wh-what does that mean?" She frowned, the little wrinkle that always appeared between her brows when she was confused quickly making itself known.

"Oh yeah. Just before our little causal disagreement over that one scientist, I spent the last thirty years six feet under with nothing but the maggots for company." Cooper said, his face tilting to meet her own as he confessed a bit more of his history to her. "Except for being dug up, hauled out like a mule, and made lighter to the tune of a few fingers and toes here and there every year."

Looking thoroughly repulsed, Lucy allowed her upset to shine on her features as her fingers upped their tremble on the edges of his duster.

He wasn't kidding.

Unable to fathom just how terrible that would have been as her mind raced with questions about things like food and air, the expression on Lucy's face was open as she worked through that revelation.

"Cooper," clearly unsure how to respond, Lucy went with her gut reaction, "that's awful."

Not quite able to argue that point, Cooper simply grunted in acknowledgement.

"Could have been worse. He threatened to take my cock once. Bastard." Cooper spat on the floor, tilting his head away from his body.

Again offset by the casualness of the violence he had been subjected to, Lucy couldn't tell if he was now joking or not as his stoic expression held her own without flinching. But hold her gaze he did, his eyes flashing as she stared him out with something almost like pity.

Revolted at the thought of being seen in such a light, Cooper felt a wave of weariness pass through his frame with such a pressing determination that he audibly shuddered and adjusted his upper body against the kitchen wall - sensing that if he didn't take a small nap that his body would make the choice for him anyway as it fought to start the healing process.

"Take this." Handing off his gun to her, Cooper remained reclined against the wall but Lucy could tell that he was ready to pass out as she sat back from him and held his gun in her hands. "And shoot anything that walks through those doors. Don't hesitate, vaultie, or we're both fucked."

Accepting his instructions with a nod, Lucy took the hint and backed further off his position, allowing him the space he was unspokenly asking for.

x-x-x-x-x

Blinking at his reflection in the mirror, the sinking feeling which Cooper felt within his gut as he observed the familiar bathroom around him told him he was dreaming. This bathroom had been lost before the bombs, taken by Barb in the divorce as he had been forcibly ejected from his own home by Vault Tec lawyers who were more prepared than his own sleazeball lawyer could ever hope to be.

Feet treading a familiar path as hell settled in his gut, a cruel mixture of nostalgia and pain making his legs feel weighted, Cooper turned to leave the bathroom and trudge down the stairs to his sitting room. His own steeled gaze meeting him from the posters which littered the walls, he caught his reflection in one of the panes and the textured leather of his skin felt hot under the sudden scrutiny.

The ghosts of laughter, the faint footfalls of Janey sprinting across the hallways as he chased her, assaulted him and the ache in Cooper's heart grew so intense for a moment that he pressed his wrist over his chest. Stairs creaked under his weight as he descended and his every instinct knew what he would find in the sitting room before he even turned the corner.

Inhaling steadily, he faced his demons.

And there she was.

"Barb." A gut punch as ever, the sight of her sparked a wretched feeling in Cooper's chest; shattered love and primal hate making his heart uptick in tempo once more as he curled his roughened hands into fists.

"Cooper." Barb replied in kind, her dark skin standing out beautifully against the light sundress which cinched around her waist before flowing out to her knees. "You still here looking for me, sweetie? After all this time?"

"Not looking." Cooper snarled, immediately firing off on the offense. "Hunting you down." Unwilling to allow himself any weakness he steeled his spine and drew to fullest height. "To get what's mine and punish all of you for the shit you pulled and the hell you wrought. And that includes you, Barb. What you did."

"What I did?" Laughing breezily as her beautiful white teeth flashed in her mouth, Barb shook her head at him. "You mean, what we did? You knew what was going to happen, Coop. You knew what they were going to do and you did nothing to stop us."

Cooper spat on the floor.

"Horseshit. I couldn't do an-"

"You took the easy way out. Stayed quiet for Janey and look where that got you. A horrible monster, all alone in the world because he was too afraid to speak up and try to help anyone."

"The mighty jerk-offs of Vault-Tec vs one washed-up acting son of a bitch. What the fuck else was gonna happen? I spoke out, I got taken out. Best thing I ever did was leave that den of fucking vipers."

Unbothered by the vitriol, Barb smiled at him with obvious placation as she made her points.

"You left her as well."

Flinching as though struck, Cooper denied the accusation hotly.

"No, you took her. From me. The one person who didn't want her locked up and hidden away in your perfect fucking utopia world that never existed."

"And look where she is now."

It was a cruel tease and Cooper couldn't stop his body from leaping at his ex-wife, determined to exact some kind of revenge, to feel her flesh beneath his fingers, before his brain caught up with his actions. Regardless, he found his hands grasping at nothing as Barb's voice shifted to speak from somewhere behind him.

"Not going to work, Coop."

Cooper whirled towards the source of her new position and found her lounging against the large bay windows which led out to their garden.

"It's your fault as much as mine. This was our dream."

As Barb indicated a sweeping hand out the window, Cooper watched with horror as the plush garden fell away into ruin; trees withering in an instant to rotten, gnarled bark as the greenery shredded itself into reddened dust. In a blink, his garden was gone and replaced by the vastness of the wastelands.

His new home.

"We did it to build a better life for Janey."

"Fuck you, Barb. This wasn't our dream. You wouldn't even let me bring the fucking dog."

Still bitter about that despite the relentless hell which his life had dissolved into since, Cooper held his ground as he stared Barb down and continued.

"You took Janey away from me. From me. She was all- all I had left, Barb. All that you left me after I kept your cruel fucking secret."

"Our secret. That's why you see me, Coop. All that guilt and all that rage but you still love me-"

"Don't. Don't love you no more." Pain gnawing at his nerves, Cooper felt almost light-headed as he denied her accusations once more. "That feeling died when the first bomb hit the ground and I had to scoop up our daughter and run."

"So why are you still chasing me then? Two hundred years and you've never stopped. Not even with this new, pretty little thing by your side."

Barb dissolved in a blink before materialising before him and Cooper found his hands locked around her throat before he could think too much about it. Her mention of Lucy was strange. In all his decades of nightmares, his demons had never shifted from their focus and the off-hand comment unsettled him greatly as he squeezed his fingers into Barb's neck - rage and pain making his arms tremble in place as her smile never shifted once.

"Are you going to kill me, Coop?"

"For Janey. For what you took from her."

"I did it for her."

"For taking ME from her."

Barb's smirking face melted away to be replaced by an encroaching darkness and Cooper felt a childish fear seize his heart as he realised he could barely move as his wrists and feet struck out against solid wood.

The coffin.

Stale air filled his lungs as his breathing quickly grew erratic, his throat feeling hot with a shocking speed due to the quick inhales of trapped dirt and terror, and his hands moved of their own accord as they slammed against the heavy wood which trapped him in place with a frantic desperation.

Unable to articulate his words, something raw and guttural tore free of his lips as his blows did nothing but dislodge some of the dirt which had settled in the cracks of the wood and it fell to his face as he spluttered and twisted away from it as much as possible.

Panic clawed at his chest. Memories and nightmares. The constant shifting of the darkness as it swallowed him making him writhe and kick out against the wood despite the pain in sparked in his toes. A sharp pain in his hand alerted him to the IV which steadily pumped chem into his trapped body - a cruel insurance that he would remain conscious and aware of his fate as his stomach cramped from the hunger and his lips withered to cracked lines, desperate for water.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Can't fuckin- won't do this again."

His hat feeling claustrophobic against his head, Cooper tilted his head back enough to knock it free of his scalp as his lips continued to spill panicked pleas and hot tears threatened the very corners of his eyes.

"No. Fuck. C'mon. Not again. Let me the fuck outta here you sons of bitches. Fucking cocksuckers!"

But as much as he screamed, he was met with only silence as his frenzied hysteria refused to let up.

x-x-x-x-x

Awoken from her own disturbed nap by a sharp noise which jerked her eyes open, Lucy was quick to snap into alertness as she felt the gun in her hand and remembered her duty to keep threats at bay. She raised the gun to the door, ready to take the shot, but found nothing, only an empty space. The same noise startled her again and she glanced around to realise that it was coming from her travelling companion.

Cooper's body was still propped up where she had left it but whatever peace had found him in his initial sleep had abandoned him, leaving something much more distressing in its wake.

A nightmare.

In the vaults, nightmares were common even though no one dared to mention them. Some of the older members would dream of the famines, of the struggle to survive as others dropped dead around them with paper thin skin and jutting bones marking them for death.

Rarely did anyone share what haunted them in their sleep and rarer still did anyone ask.

But still, Lucy felt something in her chest clench as she took in the genuine upset which lined Cooper's face as his breath came in short pants and his mouth twisted with each whimper. Dropping to her haunches, Lucy gently placed her hand on his shoulder as she attempted to jostle him into consciousness.

"Cooper, hey. Get up. You're having a nightmare."

A horrid noise escaped him, something animalistic, and Lucy recoiled for a moment before steeling herself and shaking him with a little more vigour.

"Cooper!"

His eyes snapped open in a flash and Lucy barely had time to crack her lips into a soothing smile before the shit hit the fan.

Cooper's hand moved even more quickly than she could have anticipated as sharp pain exploded across Lucy's jaw - the sudden blow forcing her from her feet and back onto her ass. Falling awkwardly due to the unexpectedness of the assault, her elbow collided with the floor and she yelped as hot pain blossomed from the site. Cooper's attack continued without mercy as he followed her fallen frame like a predatory animal, his body pressing down atop her as his unseeing eyes were still haunted by whatever terrors had disturbed his sleep.

Hands jerking up to lock around her throat, the strength in the digits truly frightened her and Lucy kicked her legs against the floor as she fought valiantly for breath. Tears sprang into her eyes as her vision blurred. Her hair trapped beneath her head, the strands burned as they pulled free and she swung her face from side to side in a vain attempt to escape his hands.

His strength was incredible, she knew that from the way he so easily handled her from her use as gulper bait to the way he threw her around and adjusted her during sex. But this, this was terrifying in its aggression.

He was going to kill her.

The pressure of his thumbs on his windpipe made it impossible for her to do anything but wheeze and struggle to pull in air; not to mention that the pain of his fingertips digging in to her neck felt like fire as his unkempt nails locked into the skin at the back of her neck to keep her pinned.

Thrashing, Lucy was able to free her hand enough to sink her own nails viciously into the fingers choking her and tear off a good chunk of the skin there as it peeled back from his roughened hide. Grunting, the pain seemed to bring some kind of awareness back into Cooper's thoughts and his eyes widened in open shock as his hands went slack around her throat in an instant.

Lucy coughed and spluttered as her windpipe was released, a fat tear rolling down her heated cheek as the pressure build up in her head from the lack of oxygen made her vision darken dangerously for a moment. Her abused throat felt like hell, every grateful gulp of air feeling like acid as it burned its way down to her lungs.

Atop her, Cooper appeared frozen in place - his hands hanging in the air as he stared between them and Lucy, an open look of distress making his expressive eyes widen as clarity sparked a cruel combination of guilt and rage.

"Lucy."

Even through her struggle, Lucy startled as Cooper used her name. Her real name. Not her surname and not some stupid nickname he had whipped up to make fun of her.

Her name.

Still unable to truly speak, the weight of Cooper rolling off her body drew a fresh wheeze from Lucy's lungs as she quickly raised up to her elbows - a sharp pain jolting in the elbow she had fallen on as she quickly switched to sitting up fully to take the pressure off.

Cooper stood, his leather duster whirling out around his legs as a vague flinch overtook him, his stomach wound making itself known once more with a flare of pain.

Silence hung between them, only broken by the odd, rattling cough from Lucy as she continued to try and settle her racing thoughts. The look which Cooper fixed her with, guilt and anger laced with a sorrow which made her heart feel tight, made her want to say something but no words would come.

Thankfully, Cooper broke the lull.

"This was a mistake."

His voice so low that Lucy had to strain her hearing to pick him up, Cooper gestured to their individual packs as they sat off to the side. Nothing existed in his tone, the empty huskiness of it refusing to be hidden behind his accent.

"Take what you need to make it to your daddy in one piece. Hell, take what the fuck you want and don't think twice about what you're leaving. When I come back and you're gone, I won't look for you. Better to try and make it yourself, Lucy Maclean."

And with that, Cooper stumbled towards the door - his injury making him slower than he would have liked - and he left, his exit leaving Lucy on the floor with a crestfallen expression.

x-x-x-x-x

Sleep eluded Lucy as she paced the kitchen, her feet wearing a thin track through some of the accumulated dust in the floor.

Cooper had been gone for over an hour and in that time her mind had went through every possible situation and explanation of what the hell had just happened.

He didn't mean to hurt her, that much she was sure of.

His eyes, so bright and vivid against his reddened skin, had been as shocked as her own as awareness of his assault dawned in them. And then the guilt which pooled within them left her no doubt that he wasn't fully aware of his actions. But still, her throat ached and if it weren't for the luck of her injuring his hand, he would have probably killed her, and that would be the end to her story.

No finding her dad again.

No revenge.

No changing the world.

Just a broken girl who left the world she knew to do nothing but kill her own mother and be left to rot on a kitchen floor.

Scolding herself at the depressive thought, Lucy pinched her own wrist as she tutted aloud.

"I think he would at bury me." She muttered to no one, the words carrying across the kitchen.

Cooper may have been a son of a bitch when it suited him but he did have a code of honour that she consistently saw leak through his merciless actions. He would have at least buried her and that thought didn't bring as much comfort as she hoped it would.

He didn't mean to hurt me.

A traitorous voice and one that she clung to with a selfishness that surprised her. Cooper had hurt her, really hurt her this time, but that didn't take away from the moments of softness which she shielded her mind with. The gentle touches of his calloused hands as they stroked along her softer skin. The way his weight enveloped her and protected her from the worst of the world around them as they fucked. The comfort he had given her after her brief kidnapping by those traffickers.

Why are you protecting him?

With just as much ferocity, the less savoury moments assaulted her. The burn of the toxic water in her lungs as he dropped her repeatedly into the lake as bait. The searing, white-hot pain of her hand as he carved her finger from her and took it for himself. The fear which made her feel like a little girl again as he sold her off into what she assumed was sexual slavery.

We would be better without him.

The thought curled in her mind but it was rejected with a harshness which caught her breath in her lungs as the reality of her situation presented itself in a stunning moment of clarity.

She didn't want to be alone again.

Even with his bad traits, her travels with Cooper were heaven compared to the pressing pain and anxiety at the thought of having to traverse the wastelands alone.

Cooper's wicked comments, his ability to rile her unmatched by anyone else she had ever met, gave her a companionship that allowed her to push back and express thoughts and aggression which her vault family would have recoiled at.

Cooper's lessons, as unnecessarily cruel and upsetting as they could be, had made her a better survivor and someone much more prepared to succeed in her goals as she hunted down her father.

Cooper's body, hot and textured against her own as they fought off the loneliness of their world with some physical pleasures, gave her something solid to focus on as the guilt of her choices - of killing her mother - threatened to swallow her whole in her darkest moments.

No.

She wouldn't be alone again.

Even if that meant having to be more careful when waking Cooper up from his nightmares.

As though sensing that Lucy's thoughts were encased by him, a click of an opening door announced Cooper's return as Lucy paused in her pacing and stood to face the entrance to the kitchen which she knew he would have to pass through. His footfalls heavy, Cooper's approach was marked by the thud of his boots and, as he turned the corner into the kitchen, his breath audibly hitched as he hesitated within the doorway for only a moment before striding through.

He stood away from her, a long-suffering sigh making his chest visibly sag as he took in her standing position - his hat tilted back while his bright eyes flicked between Lucy's face and the red markings which littered her neck, the bruising not quite beginning to show.

"Still here?"

Despite the audible disappointment, Lucy swore she saw the vaguest flash of relief pass through Cooper's features and it steeled her spine as she smiled softly at him - her recent revelation bolstered by his appearance as it sparked a fondness in her chest which she refused to question.

"Cooper, I don't blam-"

In an instant, he was up in her face again and Lucy hated herself for flinching as the smell of leather and copper assaulted her nose - his scent as familiar and alluring as ever as he spoke to her harshly.

"Hit me."

"What?"

"Hit me." Cooper grabbed at her hand and curled her fingers into a fist with an almost desperate pressure. "Beat my ass to the ground. I won't fight you back. Not this time."

"I don't und-"

That same desperation flashed in his eyes for a blink before being shut off and hidden away as all of his emotions quickly were.

"Knock me down until your hands are as bloodied as mine, vaultie."

"Cooper, I don't want t-"

"An eye for an eye. Do unto others, thats your golden rule, eh? So fucking hit me. Don't make me ask again."

His voice taking on an even more aggressive edge, Cooper's grip on her fist lessened when Lucy placed her other hand atop his.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Everyone wants to hurt everyone up here. One way or another."

Lucy raised her hand and relief flooded Cooper's chest as he steeled his body against the blow. She deserved to even the score and he would take whatever she wanted to throw at him.

The smack wasn't to come though, as Lucy stroked her fingers along his jaw instead - her motion almost experimental as she trailed the roughened skin with a determined gentleness.

"I saw you. Heard the nightmare. I saw that you didn't mean to hurt me like that." Lucy soothed, pressing her chest against his own as she gazed up at him with her big, dark eyes. "I don't want to hurt you. I could- but I am choosing not to. Not everything is about coming out on top of other people."

Stunned into silence as something in her words struck a part of him that hadn't been questioned in far too long. Cooper fell back onto his heels as he stared her out. She was serious in her meaning, earnestness dripping for her features as she fought to prove the honest of her words.

He should have known better.

Lucy Maclean wouldn't take the opportunity that other people would kill for; a chance to put the infamous ghoul to the floor and do to him some of the terrible things which he had enacted on others.

This woman didn't choose violence as a reflex.

This woman had taken his unwilling brutality and chosen to forgive him rather than even the score.

This woman saw the wastelands for what they were and wanted to save everyone she could, regardless of how foolish that was.

This woman would have never dropped a bomb on this world.

That knowledge stabbing something in his chest that his recent nightmare had exposed, Cooper's slackened mouth pulled into a tight line to soothe the fear that he would do or say something personal that he would later regret opening up. Instead, he reached up his hand and trailed his ungloved fingers across the nasty marks which he had left on her throat.

"Then accept my apologies, Lucy Maclean. I don't make a habit of strangling pretty young things."

"I don't think you've ever apologised to me before." Lucy replied, allowing him to touch her neck - to see that she was okay and willing to move on as she kept her voice even.

Curiosity about his nightmare nipped at her thoughts, but this wouldn't be the right time to ask about it.

She knew that much.

But she filed the questions away for later.

Much like she filed away how softly his lips had wrapped around her name as he breathed it with repentance.

Lucy.

"I ain't had much to apologise for." Cooper answered in kind.

Frowning as her own hands trailed across his abdomen to ghost across the stitches she had sewn into his wound, Lucy was pleased to find that his messy movements hadn't torn any of them free.

"Mmm, I'm not sure about that one, Mr Ghoul."

Part 1

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[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Eva Dahlbeck (Smiles of a Summer Night, A Lesson in Love, Kastrullresan)— Beautiful, formidable, funny. Ingmar Bergman called her a "battleship of femininity" and cast her in several of his comedies. It's a joy to see her pulling all the strings in Smiles of a Summer Night while her two boyfriends make utter fools of themselves.

Maureen O’Hara (The Parent Trap, The Quiet Man)—They called her the Queen of Technicolor. That right there should help introduce people to the fiery, wonderful, stunning Maureen O’Hara. She was from Ireland, born in 1920, and started in theater at the age of ten. At 15, she was winning drama awards, including one for her performance as Portia in the Merchant of Venice. At 16, she was the youngest pupil to graduate from the Guildhall School of Music. By 18, she transitioned to film, starting off with a bang alongside Charles Laughton in Hitchcock’s Jamaica Inn, and proceeded to work steadily up through the early 1970s. She was in adventures and comedies and romances, spent a lot of time in westerns giving merry hell to John Wayne (and less merry hell to the indomitable John Ford — she held her own even when he was verbally abusive and demeaning to her). She was in The Quiet Man, which was the first American-made film entirely filmed in a foreign country. She helped make American Christmas what it is with Miracle on 34th Street. She played a lineup of headstrong, forthright women second only, perhaps, to Katharine Hepburn. She was married three times, lived for a while with a boyfriend in Mexico, sued for custody of her daughter in the 1950s, AND sued a magazine for libel in the same era. After mostly retiring from acting, she edited a magazine. She eventually sold the magazine to spend more time with her grandson, but even then ran a ladies fashion store. She was an outspoken, brilliant, passionate lady, with amazing red hair, a career to envy, and — well — that face!

This is round 1 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut]

Eva Dahlbeck:

Maureen O'Hara:

I thought she was one of the most beautiful women in the world when I was a kid and I have yet to really change my mind. Always loved her temper and her red hair. Plus she was kind of a MILF in The Parent Trap

Haughty, red hair, hot.

The hair. The accent. The figure. The acting chops. The perfection.

I would have to give up my passport if I didn't submit Maureen O'Hara but also have you seen her? Not only did she look like that (she was called the Queen of Technicolor, though she wasn't a big fan of that sobriquet), she was also very funny and tough as nails. She faced off against Walt Disney in a contract dispute and the legend goes that when someone mentioned her at his deathbed, he sat up and said 'That bitch!'. Her comment on that story is "At least he didn't think of me and say, 'That wimp'." She struggled to get serious roles for a time, saying ""Hollywood would never allow my talent to triumph over my face," so she plays the sexy princess/pirate/harem girl in a LOT of early movies that she referred to as "Tits and Sand" films, she being the tits in question. She also turned down so many leading men and studio bosses (Errol Flynn and Howard Hughes are among her rejects) that there were rumours spread that she was a lesbian. Many egos were battered it seems. I'm including the infamous Lady Godiva scene in the photo propaganda for the sheer Moment of it [link] . It was a bit of a flop critically, but it was one of Clint Eastwood's first film appearances and she said he told her later that he was very glad of the money at the time. She was a very proud Irish woman and when she went for her American citizenship they insisted on referring to her as British (the timeline of Irish independence is a bit wibbly wobbly, we won't get into it here). She refused to accept American citizenship under that condition and argued her way through every level of US immigration she could find, supposedly saying "I'm not responsible for your antiquated records here in Washington", until a judge finally gave up and said "Give her what she wants, just get her out of here". This made her the first ever person seeking US citizenship to be proclaimed Irish on the record! And while we don't embrace the leprechaun imagery quite so enthusiastically today, her dressing her dog up in a little shamrock hat is too cute for you all to miss so I'm including that in the photo propaganda.

*Marge Simpson voice*: I just think she's neat 🤷‍♀️

[dusker-writes]

ACT NATURALLY

COOPER HOWARD/THE GHOUL X READER

Once upon a time you were a beloved movie star, repeat co-star to Cooper Howard. After a tense and spiralling love affair, things are left a little… complicated. Now, over 100 years in the future, you’re playing the long game tying up loose ends from before the war when you’re swept off into the wastes by the ghost of your past

Or should I say, Ghoul?

warnings: graphic depictions of violence, nsfw themes, silly little explicit times, read the tags

Linking my works to Tumblr because I want to!!!!

LINK HERE ALSO

[themisfitshistorian]

ESSAY NUMBER ONE: SIMON BELLAMY AND THE EXPANSION OF THE MISFITS UNIVERSE; WHAT YOU MAY NOT KNOW

Misfits, created by Howard Overman, aired its first episode on November 12th, 2009; what followed was a wild and unpredictable ride of a series, unlike anything that TV had ever seen before. With a cast of unique characters who get even more unique superpowers just minutes into the first episode, this show’s thirty-seven episode run would be unforgettable for most audiences. However, there is MUCH more to this series which lies below the surface.

If you’ve watched Misfits in its entirety, you may think you know everything there is to know about the series, but there is much more to be discovered. Below the surface, deep into the Misfits waters, you’ll find online shorts, long-forgotten vlogs interrupted by superheroes from the future, sinister confessions, deleted scenes within forgotten scripts, abandoned Twitter accounts, Flickr photography, and even evidence of lost media. A huge reason why I enjoy this show so much is because of how insanely deep its lore actually goes once you look past the original series. There’s an entire world of Misfits to be discovered, and in my first essay, I hope to introduce you to some of that content, provided by our beloved Simon Bellamy.

The in-character shorts uploaded online during the run of seasons one and two, shot from the perspective of the reclusive Simon, are more on the relatively well-known side of things. On YouTube, a search for “Misfits online films” brings up multiple playlists containing DVD-exclusive shorts recorded by Simon and various security cameras throughout the community centre. These shorts provide a small insight into what the characters’ lives are like outside of the episodes we know and love, and they serve to exist as sweet little extras for curious fans who just can’t get enough of the show. This isn’t all that Simon contributes when it comes to giving us the extras, though; in fact, many of these entries are directly tied to him and videos he’s made. For example, his YouTube channel contains his full tribute video to Nathan, and his Flickr account provides insights into his mind, as well as some images that casual fans may not have seen before. He also had a Twitter, as did the rest of the main cast! I find these accounts to be fascinating, as they provide a beautiful insight into what life is like for the characters outside of what we all saw on screen.

Another video of Simon’s includes a cameo from Superhoodie, who briefly interrupts his tribute to Nathan, along with a separate video, which I have yet to find again, in which Simon confesses to killing Sally in a rather sinister manner. I’ll update this post with more resources later; for now, I just wanted to appreciate Simon’s contribution to extending the Misfits universe.

Edit #1: Simon's confession can be found here! Big thanks to @merrilark for replying with the link, I don't think I would have been able to find it on my own :)

[ericdeggans]

Best TV of 2024: The Director's Cut - My full list of the best TV I saw over this year

Now that we’ve had a few days to show off the picks from all of NPR’s critics for Best Film and TV of 2024, I figured I could use my little corner of Tumblr to dish on my longer list of best TV shows from the past year.

I’ve been in this game since 1997, and for a long time the networks and studios which made TV assumed their audiences were less sophisticated and less demanding than filmgoers. They gave them simpler plots, which mostly revolved around people talking in rooms, with storylines that spelled out every emotional beat in excruciating detail.

No more. The best TV these days is indistinguishable from film – other than its length – with visual stylings and grand displays cribbed directly from the most influential figures in cinema.

Here's th list, starting with...

Shogun (FX) – It’s tough to describe how big a swing this show was for FX, which sunk many millions of dollars into an epic miniseries centered on feudal-era Japan with dialogue largely in Japanese and a story de-centered from the white, British sailor once used as a window into the culture in previous versions. Its story on the price of duty, the pain of loss, the courage required to resist dysfunctional leadership and sometimes unappreciated value of unfamiliar cultures spoke perfectly to the current moment.

LINK: Talking Shogun on Pop Culture Happy Hour

Shrinking (Apple TV+) – I’m a sucker for comedies that lean into the complexities of life, featuring characters who have been around tackling the issues which arise when you live long enough to learn how much you don’t know. This show manages all that and more, unlocking an ace supporting cast – including greats like Jessica Williams, Harrison Ford, Michael Urie, Ted McGinley (!!) and  Christa Miller.

Disclaimer (Apple TV+) -- Yeah, lots of people found this series manipulative and implausible. But I think director/writer Alfonso Cuaron delivered a series which took advantage of streaming’s breadth to deliver a story which evolves over episodes, leaving you rooting for different characters as the narrative unfolds, delivering a gut punch twist at the end.

Click here: Disclaimer is a thriller built for the streaming age.

The Diplomat (Netflix) – Feels like an alternate universe, where government staffers are good at their jobs and working hard to save the world, but Keri Russell is outstanding as a no-nonsense diplomat who stumbles into a sprawling conspiracy in Britain and then must face TV’s most formidable vice president, Alison Janney’s Grace Penn.

Click here: Diplomat is just as savvy in season 2.

Fight Night: The Million Dollar Heist (Peacock) -- It’s easy to dismiss whatever Kevin Hart does as empty, flashy comedy – okay, that may tell you what I think of his standup specials. But this is a blaxploitation-inspired, Black-culture-filled dramatic thriller masterpiece featuring heavyweights like Sam Jackson, Taraji P. Henson, Don Cheadle and Terrance Howard in the story of how America’s biggest Black gangsters came to Atlanta for a landmark Muhammad Ali fight and wound up getting robbed by thieves that had no idea who they were ripping off.

Steve! (Martin) A Documentary in Two Pieces (Apple TV+) – You don’t realize how much you don’t know about one of the most beloved comics in Hollywood, until you watch these two films, which dig into his life using an archive filled with items and footage from Martin’s own vaults – including a list of bits shows he used to do as a kid for Boy Scout troops.

LINK: New Steve Martin doc spotlights a legend with nothing left to prove.

Hot Ones (YouTube) – A magnificently unassuming reinvention of the celebrity TV talk show interview, turning the format on its head by having big names answer often-incisive questions which eating increasingly hot chicken wings (or a veggie version). The show’s not-so-secret weapon is host Sean Evans, whose easygoing style and talent for asking questions these often-interviewed celebrities have rarely heard, creates the show’s signature moments.

Have I Got News for You (CNN) – TV’s third place newschannel is not the place you would expect to see a fresh, funny American translation of a classic British news satire program. But when you put Roy Wood Jr. in the driver’s seat, backed by Amber Ruffin and Michael Ian Black, great things happen.

Somebody, Somewhere (HBO) – A sweet story about urbane misfits who build a potent found family, anchored by the ace team of Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller.

Doctor Who (Disney+/BBC America) – Hiring Ncuti Gatwa and letting him bring his infectious, sultry wide-eyed energy to TV’s legendary Time Lord was the best idea this franchise has had in a very long time.

Click here: Doctor Who star Ncuti Gatwa feels sorry for critics of show’s diversity.

True Detective: Night Country (HBO) -- The only thing better than watching Jodie Foster and Kali Reis dig into heroically antiheroic character in this Alaska-set masterpiece was seeing how freaked out anthology creator Nic Pizzolato got in seeing showrunner Issa Lopez revitalize his fading anthology with a potent dose of female and indigenous energy.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Prime Video) -- Turning a reboot of a failed espionage story into a meditation on starting a new job, falling in love and maintaining a relationship across cultures is a heavy lift. But somehow Donald Glover and Maya Erskine managed it.

The Bear (FX) -- Sure, its third season has a lot of underwhelming moments. But the episode dedicated to Liza Colon-Zayas’ Tinas Marrero is better than most anything else I saw on TV this year.

Hollywood Black (MGM+) -- Dear White People creator/showrunner Justin Simien directs this amazing docuseries tracing the evolution of Black images and performers in Hollywood, based on the landmark book by historian Donald Bogle.

The Day of the Jackal (Peacock) – A smart, compelling way to turn a James Bond-esque thriller about the hunt for the world’s best assassin into a limited series that, despite its slightly outlandish ending, made me believe ginger scarecrow Eddie Redmayne could be a highly trained killer.

The Penguin (HBO) – The best superhero series without a superhero I have seen yet, anchored by Colin Farrell’s transformative performance.

Black Doves (Netflix) -- Keira Knightley is so good she makes you believe in a character who had two children with a man while spying on him over 10 years for a shadowy intelligence agency, whose life threatens to unravel when her lover is assassinated. And that’s not even factoring in Ben Whishaw, another scarecrow-thin British actor playing a hitman and Knightley’s backup.

Honorable mentions

Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV (ID)

The Boys (Prime Video)

Batman: Caped Crusader (Prime Video)

X-Men ’97 (Disney+)

Only Murders in the Building (Hulu)

Photographer (National Geographic)

The Greatest Night in Pop (Netflix)

Super/Man: The Christopher Reeve Story

[thefinalsnart]

Howard Link, Baking Enthusiast 🍒

Hoshino has only drawn him with glasses twice, but I can’t stop thinking about him in glasses lately! Decided to draw him in a Modern AU to get it out of my system. (It will not get out of my system and I will be thinking of him always.) I usually draw him with more tattoos in my modern AU but I forgot this time— maybe I’ll put up a tattooed version in the future. :]

[cdyssey]

Blueberry Pie

Summary: Melissa brings Barbara a blueberry pie as an apology. [Post-1.02] | CW: Emotional Infidelity

AO3 Link

Barbara is already in the teacher’s lounge when Melissa arrives, standing by the kitchen counter, swirling her stupidly sweet coffee with a plastic spoon. It’s just her, no one else quite yet, and Melissa allows herself to be greedy, etching the uncomplicated moment in her mind like it’s something more than it actually is.

Like it’s a painting, and all of its thousands of brushstrokes are divinely inspired by God.

Barbara Howard, the radiant subject, in early morning sunlight, suffused in its heavenly glow. Dark hair elegantly swept to the side, her beloved pearls flush against the graceful column of her neck. Light and shadow in beautiful opposition to each other. A study in different values.

Chiaroscuro.

She’s gone for warm-tones today with a calico-print shirt that rides beautifully over her hips but also, too, with the golden hoops that delicately dangle from her ears. Amaranth lips. Dusk colored eyes. A flash of white as she smiles at Melissa with all of her shining teeth.

The second-grade teacher involuntarily shivers. If there currently wasn’t a record breaking heat wave in Philadelphia, she might have had the grounds to blame the February cold. 

“You didn’t,” the kindergarten teacher scolds by way of greeting, gesturing at the Tupperware caught between Melissa’s hands. 

“Did what?” She grins innocently, closing some of the space—the unbearable gap—between them. She sets her heavy bag on their roundtable, places the plastic container there too. Her last name is scrawled across the top in faded Sharpie. 

“A blueberry pie?” Barbara arches an immaculate brow. “My birthday is next month, I know you very well know.”

“Oh, pfft,” she rolls her eyes like she's perfectly unbothered. She crosses her arms over her chest. She shrugs. Her cheeks still feel a little too rosy for comfort anyway. “Can’t a gal make her coworker her favorite pie for no good reason?” 

“Absolutely not,” the other woman just as immediately counters, emphatically shaking her head. “Or, more accurately, ‘for no good reason’ is far from an acceptable excuse when I know for a fact you had plans with your family last night. Girlfriend, when did you have time to do this? More to the point, why did you find time to do this?”

Leave it to Barbara to turn a simple gesture of kindness into a pointed interrogation of motivation and minutiae. Melissa knows she’s bad about accepting the generosity of others, but at least she’s not the older woman three feet away, unable to receive a gift without extensively litigating whether she deserves it. It’s a degree of reflexive self-denial that her friend would be the first to call Christian and Melissa secretly thinks is pretty damn self-loathing. 

“It’s an apology,” she grunts, undeterred. At the same time, not entirely good at this whole vulnerability thing, she briefly glances away, scratching the side of her nose: “I threw you smack dab into the wall yesterday over a lousy branzino.”

When she finally works up the guts to look at the older woman again, Barbara’s eyes have incrementally softened, the crow’s feet around them gently flexing their tensed toes. Melissa hates that—being so thoroughly seen, canvassed, and understood by another.

She kinda freakin' loves it too.

“I’m sure it would have been a remarkable dish,” Barbara offers kindly before chuckling a little.

“… more, well, fortuitous circumstances permitting.”

Which is a polite way of saying that yesterday was a total clusterfuck without actually saying that yesterday was a total clusterfuck. Her fish wasn’t the only casualty of poor Janine trying to make the school a better place.

“Oh, it would’a kicked ass,” Melissa agrees, smirking at her friend’s trademark discretion and simultaneously basking in the stunning lack of her own. “Blown Annette’s stupid cacio e pepe outta the water.”

“I know you certainly achieved your goal of looking cuter than her, though.”

“Damn straight I did! I was a flippin’ smoke show.”

“Naturally,” Barbara hums in a low voice. It's sensual. It's just for fun. Barbara is only a friend. Melissa's stomach still does a little flip anyway.

"Thanks, kitten," she quips in the same affected tone.

And they both heartily laugh then, giggle even. Of course they do—flirting is one of their favorite ways of showing their love—and Melissa knows that all is forgiven by the way that Barbara’s dimples twitch at the corners of her beautifully shaped mouth. 

There’s a small part of her that thinks that maybe she's getting off a little too easily, that forgiveness is something she shouldn’t be so freely gifted as reckless as she was, as inconsiderate and as rude. But she supposes that’s the Christian talkin’ in her too, or hell, more specifically still, that good, 'ole Catholic guilt of never feeling like she’s good enough—always one confession shy of any kind of meaningful absolution.

She shrugs the itchiness away, though—plays it off like it hasn't gotten under her skin.

She laughs and Barbara does too, and in doing so, give each other permission to get on with their lives. They have traditions to uphold, sixteen-year long habits that have long been encoded into their systems.

Melissa slumps into her favorite chair, her body partially angled towards the open door, while Barbara fixes another coffee—black, just the way the second-grade teacher likes it—and brings both mugs to the altar of their shared table. She assumes her own seat with more delicacy in the motion than Melissa contains in her pinky finger, ankles crossed, posture unimpeachable. Melissa turns the break room television on and clicks the remote a couple of times until she finds the Action News channel. That annoying commercial for the local Toyota dealership is currently on, the one with a father and son duo clearly reading from a corny-ass script on a teleprompter. She grunts impatiently at the inconvenience, and Barbara snickers because she does. 

They accidentally brush legs as they’re both shifting around, and they mutually pretend not to notice.

(Melissa’s running theory is that if they pretend not to notice, then continuing to do it remains innocent.)

(Permissible even.)

“You really shouldn’t have, you big, ‘ole teddy bear,” Barbara tries again, though she directly undermines herself by drawing the Tupperware to her and unlatching the lid to clearly get a better look. It’s an extraordinarily easy pie to make: cream cheese, powdered sugar, and whipped cream all mixed together, a fresh blueberry topping and a baked graham cracker crust. Chill overnight. Serve cold. It was no skin off Melissa’s back at all, and it’s always worth it for this very moment, for the treat of seeing her best friend’s entire face light up in unadulterated pleasure.

“You should have spent the time and necessary resources upstaging your cousin.”

“Bah,” she snorts, playfully batting Barbara on the arm. “I got plenty of time for that. I just wanted t’do something nice for you, ya stubborn gagootz.”

She lets the rather schmaltzy note linger—far longer than she usually would—only realizing that her friend is blushing when she turns a little and the sunlight slanting through the blinds glints off her darkened cheeks, transforming her entire physiognomy into something angelic, which is to say transcendent and holy.

Melissa swallows thickly.

“Now, uh, quit your bellyaching and enjoy some of your pie,” she adds gruffly, reaching into the basket on the center of their table and grabbing a plastic fork that she all but lobs at Barbara.

The older woman laughs incredulously as she stops the utensil from skidding off the table just in the nick of time. “At”—she glances at her silvery wristwatch—”seven o’clock in the morning? Are you out of your mind, girlfriend?”

“My old noggin’s perfectly intact thank you very much,” she huffs, retrieving a fork for herself. “I just know life’s about indulging in the simple pleasures every once in a while.”

Crackin' open a cold beer after a long day at work.

Staring at her married coworker from a distance that won’t get her in trouble with Gerald Howard and God.

Thinking she’s all beautiful, gilded in shining sun.

Accidentally brushing shoulders.

Thighs. Ankles. Knobbly, arthritic knees.

Eating pie for breakfast, which is to say, having her own cake and somehow being lucky enough to eat it too. Some days, just being in Barbara Howard’s presence is enough. And other days, getting to share these precious moments with her makes Melissa feel like she’s cheated the dealer and won the lion’s share of his gold.

“Our blood sugars are going to rocket sky high,” Barbara says doubtfully, though she’s eyeing the dessert appreciatively—with clear lust in her eyes. Her indiscriminate sweet tooth is one of her only weaknesses. 

Melissa knows because she frequently and giddily exploits it. 

“Eh, that’s future youse’s problem,” she shrugs happily. 

“And present Barbara’s guilty delight, I suppose?” The kindergarten teacher sighs. There’s resignation in the gesture, a tender fondness that only has but one other name. “Consequences be damned, forgiven, and forgotten?”

“Yup,” she grins crookedly. “That’s the spirit, Barb.”

“Mm. You’re an entire mess-and-a-half, Melissa Schemmenti—you know that, right?” Barbara asks, finally planting her fork in the middle of her container.

(Sweet surrender.)

“Can’t argue with that,” she jokes, staking her own claim in the pie too. 

(Simple indulgence.)

“But, hey,” she adds, “it’s on you for still lovin’ my fine tush anyway.”

The sides of their hands accidentally touch as they each carve into the pie, pinkies perfectly aligned. This, too, is innocent. It’s nothing, Melissa convinces herself as she viscerally shudders, as Barbara instantly recoils, withdrawing her hand, taking a huge chunk of the dessert with it. She stops just short of bringing it to her mouth, though, staring at Melissa from the depths of dark, inscrutable eyes.

“Another guilty delight of mine,” she says quietly. It almost sounds like an aching admission on Barbara’s elegant tongue, as though the love between them is not as perfectly above the table as they tell themselves, as though all the leg brushing and every fleeting touch besides aggregates to something larger than their component parts.

Something sinful.

Something beautiful.

It’s funny how the two often end up being one and the same.

“Lovin’ my big ass?” Melissa asks, even though she knows that’s not exactly what Barbara is talking about. They always talk about the important things in the esoteric language of a joke, a game, a bantering exchange that they can absolutely take back. 

(The ring on Barbara’s fourth finger perpetually requires that they take it back.)

“Crude,” Barbara laughs, the sound taut, like a rubber band that’s been stretched too thin, just begging to snap. “But something like that anyway.”

[mothiidae]

my MDA:Rain Code thoughts - spoiler free version

I've been meaning to thought dump my overall thoughts and opinions about rain code for a while and well,, here we are!

my overall opinions: Despite some issues, Rain Code acts as a great foundation that can be built upon in the future - along with plot threads that can be used in future games. If your a danganronpa fan I would totally recommend it, but its a bit of a harder sell to those outside the bubble.

I have already done another form of this kinda post with everything i deemed to be somewhat spoilery - whether that be full on plot twists and story events in specific chapters or simple side content. For anyone who wants to read the spoiler version i'll link it here!

onto the list!:

to try to keep to some order, i've orginised the points into gameplay/mechanics, story and characters

Masafumi Takada was let out of the basement and has made yet another banging ost, is there no stop to this man? The title theme RAINCODE?? HELLO?? what i liked was that there are moments in which you can hear dangan elements; such as during the investigation theme you can hear trumpets which personally reminded me of sdr2's investigation theme and bella fresco grand finale - shinigami's execution theme - there are parts that sound like the execution theme. Despite all these dangan references (which im sure there are more) Raincode has been able to carve out its own vibe musically and im all here for this more low-key, lo-fi kinda feel!

Rui Komatsuzaki is back and the characters have that distinct design flair and eccentricity i expect from him. I have to say his designs are partly what drew me into Raincode because, well,,, his style is so recognisable!! it also is somewhat nostalgic for me so my neurons activate when i see it. I am but a simple man that enjoys this rui style.

Personally, Kodaka defiantly did not utilise this being a 3D adventure game enough because at points it just felt like visual novel taking place within a 3D space. And the adventure part i believe is quite the misnomer - it can be super restrictive in its exploration, theres not much to do/see within the city itself other than the requests - which are more of a story than gameplay thing. Though the adventure/action descriptors for the game are for the mystery labyrinth, it can make kanai ward itself feel more like a vehicle (gameplay wise) to get you from one case to the next. Kanai ward is stunning though, with kamasaki district being my favourite part!!

I also found that the mystery labyrinths got boring at inbetween all the minigames - consisting of running to the next part whilst the characters discus the case. In danganronpa, these moments of discussion were unnoticeable due to being a visual novel but within a 3D action/adventure-esque game like Rain Code they don't work.

Being outside of the killing game formula with supernatural abilities, Kodaka has been able to do some really interesting things with cases. If there are future games i'm curious if he'll set up a pattern of cases like in danganronpa.

I DID NOT EXPECT ALOT OF THE PLOT TWISTS, one of which only works well if you've played danganronpa in my opinion. Another one didn't have build up, but i can't tell if its a im just dense thing or a it was just a shit twist thing

Quirky ahh characters my beloved - most major characters stood out and had their moments. They join the Kodaka pile of eccenticity

I am a HUGE Yomi stannie, he is delightfully evil and his VA was going absolutely ham. shout out to Howard Wang! He is evil and there is no changing him and i love him for it!

other than him and martina i found the peacekeepers to be a little disappointing. They did what they were needed to but most are susceptible to leaving little impression on people. Which is not good as they are your major obstacle in a chapter. the majority of them have under 30~ mins of screen time [that is a rough estimate, most likely im wildly wrong] though they didn't need to have backstories or anything, them being a constant presence through investigation might've helped.

YAKOU MY LOVE <3<3<3<3<3<3 he is a soggy, wet cat of a character and sooooo pathetic!!! my kinda guy

Now i like fubuki as much as the next guy but i found that she would go one of the funniest characters of the cast to

[gaslightwestern]

Hello! I'm Carmen. A 34 year-old queer writer known as gaslight on AO3. You will find original and fan works (Red Dead Redemption, my beloved) here. I write historical fiction, westerns, noirs, and mysteries and reblog related content plus classic film and video game posts. I am tag/ask game friendly, read across all genres, and would love to hear about your WIP!

—— Style: Non-linear, 3rd person past tense, playing with genre conventions, relentless and deeply troubled characters, humor and action to balance out dark themes, and trying to make the reader feel like they are watching a movie.

—— Tropes: Mutual Pining, Power of Friendship, Anti-Heroes, Found Family, Roaring Rampage of Revenge, Black-and-Gray Morality, Two Mysteries One Story, Organized Crime, "Retired" Bad Ass, Battle Couple, Disaster Bisexuals

Works in Progress

Hell's Half Acre (When Sins Haunt Prequel) - When death comes to Fort Worth and strikes her new circle of friends, Charlotte O’Shea resolves to hunt down the culprit before they kill again. Murder isn’t the only mystery in the air however. Elijah Addison and Thomas Quinn, a pair of headstrong cowboys and her partners-in-crime-solving, are determined to uncover what made the socialite run away from New York and why she is no stranger to firearms.

—— Status: Drafting —— Links: WIP Intro | Tag | Drabbles → Education | Rivals | Love

Blackwater - John Marston hires Private Detective Arthur Morgan to look into the death of Heidi McCourt, a friend who he suspects was the victim of foul play rather than suicide. His investigation leads them into the escalating war over West Elizabeth’s bootlegging industry between two powerful gangsters Arthur happens to have unpleasant and unfinished history with.

—— Status: Chapter 32/33 was posted on August 6, 2024. —— Links: Read on AO3 | Intro | Excerpts | Tag | Inspiration | Fan Art

When Sins Haunt - When Warren Howard destroys her life again, Charlotte O'Shea goes after the outlaw and his vicious Cobalt Gang. Jack Cadwell, an old friend, crosses Charlotte's warpath when the journalist flees the wrath of a New York crime boss. To survive they must stay a step ahead of their growing list of enemies as Charlotte blazes a trail of vengeance across the American West.

—— Status: Second Draft (On Hold) —— Links: Intro | Side Characters | Tag | Update

Completed Works

Brothers (Pre-Canon AU) - Arthur struggles with the responsibility of being an older brother, particularly being looked up to, as his own actions cut away at his soul and his self-worth continues to erode. He teaches John different things along the way and strives to protect him from harm. This is easier said than done, as is Arthur's desire to prevent the kid from becoming like him. [ x ]

Among the Smoke and the Stars (Epilogue AU) - Most days the urge to run and roam coursed hot under his skin but maybe Beecher’s Hope would change that. Determined to pay off the loan for his new home, John heads to Gaptooth Breach in search of the sixty-five dollars on Esteban Cortez’s head. The thing is John isn't the only one after that bounty. [ x ]

Image Sources

Sunset Clouds - Dewang Gupta (Unsplash)

Blackwater Banner - rollawayyourbones

When Sins Haunt Banner - Sweetwater (2013)

Untitled Banner - Original Picture by Susan Fox

Red Dead Banner - Rockstar Games

Divider - @evansyhelp

If you have read this far, thank you! Please feel free to ask any questions or tell me about what you are working on. :)

[queer-ragnelle]

hi! i’ve a quick question - in your retellings section, under the 1900-1909 date, the second link should be for a sequel part of the first book, but it opens the same edition. is that an error or am i a dummy and missing something? i’ve checked the table of contents on both to be sure and it’s the same. just wanted to ask and let you know in case it’s not working properly! thank you so much for all you’re doing for media preservation, currently reading the vulgate and really enjoying it :)

hi!!

actually just updated howard pyle’s links today so it’s awkward bc the 4 books came out at different times but the new pdf includes all 4 in a single file! (you’ll notice it’s 1300 pages long, that’s why.) i’m not sure if i’d like to alter the formatting of the list to make that more clear but for now i just put the same link 4x. sorry for the confusion!

you’re so welcome i’m happy to make things available when i can. :^) oh the vulgate…my beloved vulgate. i’m glad you’re enjoying it. honestly it only gets better the farther you go. some of my favorite little personal quests in it aren’t until the later books. anyway have a great day!