#how visceral everything was
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So I finished Titanfall 2... No words. Absolutely no words.
I don't think I'll ever recover.
#Titanfall#Titanfall 2#I don't think I could put it into words#how much this game made me feel#how visceral everything was#to the very end#I don't think I could explain exactly what this game#and its story and characters#have done to me#the only thing I can say for sure is that this game rewired my brain#and I don't think I'll ever play something that made me feel like this#Absolutely a favorite#without question#I think the only game that compares is Subnautica#this is not a matter of “I'm losing my mind”#I have lost my mind#I have gone insane#and honestly? I'm glad it did this to me#there is one mutual here who knows what they did#and to them I say: square up#get ready#because I'm not letting you do this to me without a fight
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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anybody else rly rly ill about the amount of grief in his eyes in this scene
[original screencap under the cut]
#qkdraws#id in alt#ayyyee surprise trigun content#vash is rly fun to draw <- girl who says literally everything is fun to draw#except shoes.fuck them thangs#anyway yeah the look in his eyes here rewired me a little bit#imagine animating human emotion so viscerally. who did this.who thought this was ok#apparently im incapable of drawing pointed faces i have to round them out. or ill die or smth#i wanna draw him more but i 1) need Energy and 2) i will have to draw his prosthetic#this isn't an excuse i Will draw his prosthetic im just whining to whine. i ain't no quitter#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#trigun#trigun vash#shoving this in the drafts before i go to bed.hi it's Draft Jay here coming at u live at 1:30am and Starving#literally so hungry.somebody save me <- too worried abt waking her parents to make food#enough of that tho i didn't expect trigun to be so .fucked up#i mean it's a show abt a fucking pacifist gunman who has a brother named Millions Knives.that's so fuckin stupid /pos#who knew how horrid it would get (not me.now i know tho <3)#uhh ur regularly scheduled mob psycho stuff will be back soon in the meantime[passes out]
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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MASSIVE SPOILER for one of the endings.
it's been a while since i tried looking, but i did hear that something like this happens last year and over time started to think, "was it a fluke?" bc no one posted footage or caps of it then, and i aimed for a completionist run in my first playthrough. turns out it's real! and definitely shines a new light on a character that, for most other types of playthroughs, will not give this much emotion! EDIT: transcript now included, and some stillshots under the cut
[0:28] Marie: Henry, this is the man who kept you from doing the right thing tonight. Kill him. [0:15] Forrest: Henry, you don’t have to do this. If you’ve not killed anyone yet, there’s still time to make the right decision. [0:05] Out of shot: (Gunshots) Henderson Police! Freeze! Marie: No! Henry, get out of there!
#killer frequency#henry barrow#these hands………#so yes MORE spoilers and further commentary ahead here in the tags:#yes this is a fairly tragic ending if you already know how to get it. but again TERRIFIC VOICE ACTING BEFOREHAND AND AFTER.#feel free to reply in post if you want to ask about that part.#i didn't include that in the vid bc it's so visceral and raw but i love their performances. that shit hit hard dang.#but i want to ask anyone if their perspective on henry changes after seeing this? mine does tbh. i didn't expect a possible show of remorse#like at most hesitation! but bc of the context of forrest's dialogue- does it lean into remorse? a large definite shift in his mind!#even if he Has killed already then he's still taking forrest's words to heart and reconsidering everything which DAMN-#-my videogamey headcanon of forrest's character stats showing his Persuasion and Charm MAXED OUT is pulling tf through here!!#also can anyone reply re: would forrest's dialogue change but he still survives if henry kills maurice or murphy? or would forrest die?#and if the devs Actually gave henry other official kills in the game but didn't disclose them in the narrative- then is this the test?#like if henry kills AT ALL in game even though the player isn't privy to knowing which victims are his then is this ending unattainable?#also placing this scene/character moment behind THIS ENDING SPECIFICALLY heck that's cold. dang fellas.#going to eventually pull out a hc i've been holding back for a long time in a later post and i'll mention this scene again then-#-but this part in particular as well as another “easter egg” has really put more fuel to it
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FONTAINES D.C. — Skinty Fia Live at The SoCal Sound Session In-Studio +
#once again. they all looked so good in this video#that thing he does in the 1st gif?? he's so everything#also. 'the wind is making work of every step on the bridge' !!! how does he do that!!!#this song is full of lines like that i mean. the 'i let her prize apart my ribcage' line is so fucking visceral. god#i'd gif this whole song if i could#fontaines d.c.#fontaines dc#grian chatten#skinty fia#dailymusic#dailymusicians#blogmusicdaily#musicgifs#musicedit#bandedit#fontainesdcedit#*gif#*mine
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arcane season 2 act 2. how are we all doing??
#i have been SOBBING for about 30 minutes straight thanks for asking#before watching the 6th ep i was like 'cant believe how viscerally i react to arcane!' I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA#WHAT KIND OF HORRORS I HAD COMING. I WAS A FOOL#FOR EVER THINKING THAT WAS THE MOST I WOULD FEEL#posting this live btw i cant help myself i need to cope and seethe (except instead of seething im weeping like Big Baby)#back to sporadically queueing everything very soon#almost-spoiler in next 2 tags ->#I NEE DJAYCE TO FUCKING ROT IN HELL IM NOT EVEN KIDDING. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD OHJ MY GOD#HE LITERALLY RUINED EVERYTHING. *EVERYTHING.* IDC WHAT SHIT HE SAW THAT MADE HIM ACT THIS WAY I NEED HIS ASS GONE RIGHT NOW#shut up crisa#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane season 2 act 2#arcane 2#arcane league of legends#arcane s2#arcane season two#act 2
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beau thinking her dad only cares about her safety to the point that he would care about any random stranger's safety. WOOF
#this tells you literally everything you need to know about how viscerally unloved this person felt her entire childhood#34m TM2x92#text#critical role#talks machina#cr2#cr lb#beauregard lionett#thoreau lionett
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godddd thinking about the red war first couple missions and going insane . that was so good and for what
#im being DERANGED about how tragic the fall of the city was#forget titan nessus io whatever this isnt about that this is about how WELL that campaign intro did TENSION and TRAGEDY#insanely bold move to make the intro the tutorial on how to use the light and then immediately rip it out of you and make your next#30 minutes of gameplay fully lightless in a creepy fucking forest being stalked by the fallen#that was SO!! GOOD!!!!#and everything about the attack on the city makes me YELL#the tension was TENSE the cutscenes were CINEMATIC the light being taken was VISCERAL#i will never ever forget stumbling limping and slowed and dying out of the ruins of the burning city#that in fact was what prompted this post#god red war i miss you please come back#destiny 2#mine#the red war
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#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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man the dev notes w/ the stormshore tabernacle convo. whatever they're there for it's kind of remarkable how so much of the notes there for her are just textbook abuser stuff.
#tbd#after all the advantages I gave you -- i have the visceral skin crawl reaction its the abusive parent anthem#things that make my skin crawl bruh#it's everything I did for you#child who i groomed#I'm being so magnanimous towards you giving you time == child who i groomed#look at how merciful i am even though my first instinct is that i don't like how you didn't obey me#the dev notes of that convo genuinely make it worse boooy#which well done but also i will throw hands#dming helm pls kill her again#anyway i think it's kind of fascinating that most gods in this game show themselves as these larger than life figures but mystra?#you are seeing the person who did that to gale you are seeing that person#that person came to him as a child#like that divine separation has just not been there#esp with the build up#where she first dispatches elminster and then again when he tells you about the grant but at the end it's just her in this human figure#i genuinely feel like it deliberately strips that divine separation away & its another layer of insidiousness on her part#it's grounded in the sense of the damage she'd done to gale idk i am waffling but its just something about it is worse when it's so..wow.#idk i think in this game? i think she's not written like the other gods in this game and i think it makes her worse not more sympathetic#bg3 spoilers#abuse tw
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OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD YOU ACTUALLY DREW IT, I WAS MOSTLY JOKING THIS IS
THIS IS SO AMAZING HOLY SHIT
#I like how Dave’s shirt functions#like it has a life of its own#is he still doing the stupid smirk#he thinks everything’s a fucking game#Jesus Dave#Dave code monkeys#code monkeys#this made me physically nauseous but like#in a good(?) way#had a very visceral reaction
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smth kinda fucked up about watching doumeki go from whole assedly making life or death decisions for watanuki as a desperate but firm love language every other tuesday to fucking sitting in quiet anguish with a pained look on his face with his eyebrows fucking tweaking out, still able to make life or death protective decisions sometimes but being fucking paralysed with indecision most times that don't involve immediate physical actions to the point it's clearly ripping his head and heart in two even if he still retains that refusal to give up
#seeing love grant him the strength to make drastic actions but also to freeze him in a stasis that actively hurts every bone in his body is#iDKKKK IDK IDK IDK#my complicated thoughts abt rou strike again#i rly like the intricacies to which stuff stays the same and stuff plunges into tragic monotony and hurt#although some things about the ending/continuation are pure ass and clamp being dumb for no reason#the real complicated part is that i mostly love how well characterised and visceral the hurt of the angst is#but that i wish there was an inproving end point because of the love for the characters and moral of 70 percent of the story#you want these characters to go through it and then to come to happier places or reconvene somehow but#well#ive explained this conundrum 500 times before#but this is one of those specific cases where i have to say that the expression work in holic is so fucking singular#that even when they dont or barely speak you can fucking read everyones eyes like a book#its why i hesitate to call douwata subtext#it doesnt rly make sense cause the feelings involved are so obvious as they are with everything else in the series#the expression work is both rly good for understanding the story in a way that doesn't just focus on good art or speech bubbles#but also it means you can actively see a characters heart shatter into tiny sharp abrasive pieces in real time#it's beautiful and horrific and aaaa#when shit goes quiet and doumeki leaves the room and just breaks tf down and we basically see him all but fucking crying#god.
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And here is the bull himself >:)
+ lore notes
I was like, ah I should make the shadow something interesting, and then I'm like GIVE HIM BULL HORNS???? OKAY SURE !!!!! I'm glad such thoughts can strike at 7 in the morning....thanks brain. But hehehe I'm glad bcs now this matches up super well with the Nando one!
New ship dynamic: who's the bull and who's the matador :)
I think, in this AU, Fernando is generally pretty fond of Seb when he first meets him. Like "ah yes my very own protégé, very nice, I shall mold him in my image." But then Seb starts veering off that course. Bullfighting is all about being dramatic, but Seb maybe has a bit too much(🤏) flair for the dramatic. This escalation starts while he's still Fernando's assistant but he keeps it generally at bay. But god when he becomes a matador himself, he's just off the rails insane.
Bullfighting, to me, is a sport about reckless endangerment of one's self in the pursuit of drama and performance(its literally described as a tragedy in three acts.) But Fernando thinks Seb endangers himself *too* much, not because he cares or anything, but he's making a mockery of the sport!! Especially when Seb starts doing that bull hand symbol(seen above), Fernando just keeps become more enraged with him, not anything to do with the fact that Seb is threatening his records and threatening his own wellbeing, nah of course not.
Seb's gesture is making a mockery of the sport, he's disrespecting the culture, the very nature of it, blah blah blah. Jenson once asks Fernando, after noticing him seething while watching Seb do his gesture, "Which bull are you really trying to defeat?" One could also describe Fernando and Seb's relationship as a "tragedy with three acts."
Anyways Fernando gets very tied up with this rivalry. Even after suffering a severe injury(I have yet to decide, but y'know mchonda electrocution core), he quickly returns to the sport, loath to let Seb get any more headway. And then Seb gets injured, poor little sweet Seb, and neither of them can handle it. Though I already covered this in my prev lore post 🤭 and I think I put it pretty viscerally there so!! I digress.
They're both matadors, but the bull itself is not the only bull Fernando wants to conquer. Conquer as in death? Hm.
#i love matador au all my homies love matador au#<- its a lot of fun for me to draw and easy to have ref for :) so its like my little comfort drawings#even tho i want to sob every time i write any of the lore down bcs it is so </3#ah i just like how visceral it is ig#f1 is a dangerous sport but bullfighting is just. such another level of maniacs 😭#ive talked abt this a lot w cofi lmao its just super interesting to me. just the whole mentality and display and culture of it#also just: trajes de luces go brrrrrrr#ah one day ill draw both of them in green suits 🤭🤭#i had a chibi art of this au i was working on bcs i didnt have mental energy for a full thing#or at least i THOUGHT so#ive had the refs for this since 2 wks and im like YOU WILL FINISH THIS bcs i rly liked the pose 😭#so then i just drew for like 5 hours straight. yknow as one does#and wrote this post at uh. 8 am. normal time for one to be drawing and writing. as one does.#WELL ANYWAYS PLEASE ENJOY MATADOR SEB#this au grips me the throat 😭 i rly enjoy it 😭#i have a lot of thoughts ab the au lore itself but also drawing these is very no thoughts head empty <3#also god side note. pink stockinks. i hated the idea of them at first. but now im like hehe hot pink time 🥰🥰#its crazy how it doesnt clash that much??? i thought it would ruin the outfit but ah they suit everything p well#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#catie.art.#matador au
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This hardly matters for anything but pointless online discourse, but I feel like some of you should be aware of this. Even if you somehow managed to convince them that metric is a better system by calling them stupid online, Americans who defend imperial units wouldn’t be able to switch to metric if they wanted to because everything in the country would still use imperial.
I wholeheartedly agree that having easily convertible units on a simple base 10 system is a better designed system, but if I try and give someone measurements in metric I’m just going to annoy them because they now need to convert it to imperial. I could admit that I do think Celsius being a 0 to 100 scale based on water freezing and boiling temperature is a better basis for a temperature scale than uh this
but it doesn’t matter because everything that lists temperature from cooking to weather for where I live is in Fahrenheit, and if I told someone the temperature in Celsius they’d think I’m an asshole. I don’t want to convert the temperature that’s in Fahrenheit in a recipe book to Celsius just to feel smart because my oven is still going to be in Fahrenheit and the conversion would be a waste of time.
Do I think that the US should switch to metric? Of course! But considering the millions of cars, ovens, thermometers, and basically everything else that’s measured in this country is in imperial that sounds like an incredibly large amount of work to do when imperial is still a perfectly functional system of measurement even if it’s numbers don’t convert between each other cleanly. And I seriously wouldn’t want to be on the roads when speed limit signs and speedometers stopped being consistently in the same units
#oh boy I sure hope no one gets viscerally angry at me for this#also we don’t actually need to make any of the crazy conversions that the charts talking about how stupid imperial is imply#watch the Jan Misali video. they do a better job of explaining that than I could#i will say that I do think a foot is a convenient length of measurement without a good metric equivalent#but I’d gladly give up using the foot for the convenience of everything else about metric#imperial metric discourse
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I never get tired of watching The Disaster/The Rerun. Television peaked here, I'm not even kidding.
#the amazing world of gumball#part of what makes it so good is the four seasons of build-up#yeah you can understand it just fine as a cool season finale without all of that#but there's no way to fully appreciate this two parter without four seasons worth of context#even just how JARRING it is tonally compared to every other episode#tawog is bright and colorful and wacky and characters sing songs and everything's always okay after eleven minutes#so it's JAW DROPPING when a villain character just starts ruthlessly tearing apart the main cast#seriously!! I'm not even a kid and I'm always glued to the screen when Rob murders Darwin#there's something so visceral about the way darwin chokes and gags and collapses before going still and silent#and the horror and rage on gumball's face after...... CHILLS MAN!!#if the movie captures even a FRACTION of this energy I will be so happy
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