#HE LITERALLY RUINED EVERYTHING. *EVERYTHING.* IDC WHAT SHIT HE SAW THAT MADE HIM ACT THIS WAY I NEED HIS ASS GONE RIGHT NOW | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

taegijae-blog · 7 years ago

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BREAKFAST DELIVERY 10

pairing: 2jae

genre: fluff, if you squint there’s angst

word count: 3k

description: the school’s hottest boy im jaebum wants to get a certain boy’s number. but the first problem is: he’s unhappy and not eating.

status: completed

note: this was originally posted on wakaba’s wattpad @/jaeholics

| part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |

Thank God the day following that event was a Saturday, otherwise he'd have to shamefully face the two hearts he managed to break in one day.

Jaebum rolled around in his bed, hugging on the blankets, mumbling incoherently to himself. He felt like absolute garbage. Seeing that his alarm clock read 10:37, he slumped out of bed and dragged himself down to the bathroom. The house was empty as usual, meaning he could totally throw a party that night. If, you know, he didn't feel like dying. As he squirted some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and madly scrubbed his pearly whites, he groaned as he stared at himself in the mirror. He knew he was a good looking guy whose looks would attract mostly every gal or guy. After rinsing out his mouth, he smacked some water across the mirror and blurred the reflection of his sad-looking self. For once, he wished he was ugly. Jaebum tiredly zombie-walked his way over to the kitchen, checking the fridge for any food that possibly could've been left for him. Seeing that it was empty except for some eggs and milk, he already knew that his plans would be to go out for both lunch and dinner. Opening a cupboard, he grabbed a box of fruity cereal and dumped it into a ceramic bowl, pouring milk in after doing so. His dear cat, Nora, crawled up to his feet and rubbed herself against the skin lovingly. "At least you're here," he muttered under his breath, slurping some milk from his bowl as he made his way to the couch. He turned on the television and stared dully at the skin, allowing his pet to crawl onto his lap and rest there. Realizing that he hadn't checked his phone in a while, Jaebum reached for it since it was laying on the coffee table. He turned it on, only to be met with over a hundred missed text messages. annoyed, he unlocked his phone and saw that a particular someone added him to a chat group overnight after he fell asleep, which was the main cause of the overload of messages. He squinted at his screen while he scrolled through the messages. It took him a while to realize that those numbers were familiar to him: Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung, and Choi Youngjae. The last message was sent a few hours ago, so he didn't bother sending anything to indicate that he read the chat. He put down his bowl of breakfast and became invested into the conversation they were having, feeling more and more uneasy. Nora jumped onto the table and quietly drank some of the milk as Jaebum's foot tapped in anxiousness. wango, 2 others [jype]: i'm muting this chat btw [wango]: bro I just want u to listen to my proposal [c.youngjae]: why do you even have my number?? [wango]: thats not important just listen rn [wango]: so jb hyung's like super depressed aight? [wango]: I HOPE HES READING THIS BTW WINK WINK [jype]: winking in text doesn't do anything [wango]: anyway [wango]: i want all three of you to meet up [wango]: and work this out together [wango]: i'm not going to interfere bc this is a u guys issue!! [wango]: u gotta fix it urselves arasso?? [c.youngjae]: ...how tho [wango]: there's a nice place in town [wango]: it's called Cafe A [wango]: all of three meet up there by 3 and talk it out!! [wango]: idc if you're busy or not [wango]: (unless ur planning to meet ur family bc then please go ahead and do that first family is first priority) [wango]: ARASSO?? [jype]: our 'talk' isnt going to last long, you know. [jype]: theres not much I can say

[jype]: it's always been a one sided thing anyway [jype]: i know he likes youngjae way more than he likes me [jype]: and i'm okay with that. [jype]: i just don't want to be thrown away because of that 'love' he has for him. [jype]: you reading this, youngjae? [c.youngjae]: yes, hyung... [jype]: good. [jype]: i don't hate you or anything. it's not like that.

[jype]: it's true that ive liked him since middle school [jype]: but I always knew that it'd ended up being like this [jype]: and how he isn't the kind of person to fall for his best friend [jype]: so I prepared myself for when this sort of thing happens [jype]: it won't bother me, youngjae. go ahead and date him. [c.youngjae]: hyung, i [c.youngjae]: ...you have to understand that i don't really like him at the moment [c.youngjae]: i'm not sure if i'd agree to that [jype]: that's a shame [jype]: because a really great guy has a huge crush on you [jype]: and it's a waste for you to be ignorant about that. [wango]: ... [wango]: hoh my god [wango]: i'm a rly good problem fixer

[wango]: jinyoung?

[wango]: u still there?

[wango]: i guess not

[jype]: i have plans for today. i'm not going to that cafe. [wango]: oh [wango]: well I guess it's fine now since u guys talked it out!! yeah!!! [wango]: youngjae, don't be discouraged! [wango]: both jaebum-hyung and jinyoung r amazing people [wango]: even tho they seem rly scary and act cold [wango]: its just their way of caring [wango]: ive known them for a long time [wango]: theyre literally the best friends ive ever had [wango]: jinyoung is a rly wise person, there's always a good reason to whatever he does [wango]: jaebum-hyung has sides to him that r like a dad or big brother that u can rely on [wango]: ... [wango]: youngjae??? [c.youngjae]: yeah [c.youngjae]: i'm listening [c.youngjae]: thank you, hyung [wango]: no problem man

[wango]: now go get that dick [c.youngjae]: ???? [wango]: jk jk lol [wango]: r u going to meet up w Jaebum-hyung at the cafe? it's a rly nice place I swear [c.youngjae]: maybe [c.youngjae]: i haven't heard what he says tho... [wango]: aw true [wango]: let me spam him brb [c.youngjae]: wait don't spam him;; what if he's just asleep?

[wango]:

ugh ur too nice

[wango]:

fine I won't

[wango]:

i'll go spam markiepooh instead♥️♥️

[c.youngjae]:

...right

[c.youngjae]: the other number in this chat is Jaebum-hyung, right?

[wango]: yep!! slide into his dms boy

[c.youngjae]: ;;

Jaebum instantly realized the doom he was about to face.

"No, no, no, no, no!" He literally screamed at his phone, trying to do everything to prevent Youngjae from knowing.

It was probably too late.

[c.youngjae]: ?

[c.youngjae]: wait

[c.youngjae]: but

[c.youngjae]: ;;

[c.youngjae]: isnt that defsoul-hyung's number...

[c.youngjae]: ...it is

[c.youngjae]: hyung.

[c.youngjae]: ... [jaybee]: are you mad at me? [c.youngjae]: no

[c.youngjae]: even though I did just find out you were double tricking me

[jaybee]: i never meant to make fun of you or anything

[jaybee]: about that party

[jaybee]: i knew bambam only as 'def soul'

[jaybee]: i'm sure you can also tell that he doesn't like me bc im known as that rude, popular shit called im jaebum

[jaybee]: and rapmon told me to come anyway

[jaybee]: btw his real name is namjams

[c.youngjae]: what's your point

[jaybee]: i want to have a second chance

[jaybee]: i know ive been a horrible person, hiding behind two identities just so I could talk to you

[jaybee]: please

[jaybee]: i only ever wanted to cheer you up

[c.youngjae]: ...

[c.youngjae]: i feel stupid for sending you all those messages

[c.youngjae]: no wonder you knew where I was and that I didn't have an umbrella

[c.youngjae]: i feel like you've played me and you probably did

[c.youngjae]: but the def soul hyung I know is a caring person

[c.youngjae]: and if youre him

[c.youngjae]: then I can hope that your kindness is just as genuine

[c.youngjae]: because I think it's impossible to fake kindness like that

[c.youngjae]: let's meet up at three and talk

[jaybee]: i'll be there

[jaybee]: i won't be late.

Read at 11:07 AM ✓

His phone read 2:57 by the time he spotted Jaebum. He was standing right outside the promised cafe, scrolling through his own phone with his legs crossed. It surprised Youngjae to see that he was wearing a pair of wire-rimmed glasses and an oversized sweater, contrary to his usual attire of trendy clothes that showed off his nice build. He looked pretty hot, to be honest. Youngjae shook that thought out of his mind and approached Jaebum, acting as though he wasn't just staring at him a minute prior. "It isn't 3 yet," Youngjae said quietly, stuffing his hands into his hoodie. "I've been here for ten minutes. I just didn't want to be late," Jaebum replied with a tiny grin as if he wanted the younger's approval. Youngjae scoffed and went ahead into the building, ruining the other's plans of opening the door for him. They went up to the counter, both of them staring at the menu in a similar way. Both of their eyes twitched, cursing at Jackson mentally. "I'm glad Jinyoung decided not to come," Jaebum whispered to the other, faking a smile for the person behind the cash register. "Welcome to Cafe A, one of the first couples' cafe in this town," she smiled enthusiastically, probably a bit overwhelmed on the inside because she had two male customers coming together in her hands. Youngjae hid his face into a hand in embarrassment, and Jaebum wanted to die on the spot. "Would you like to order our monthly special 'love potions?'" she asked, pointing to the piece of paper on the counter. "No," Youngjae and Jaebum said simultaneously. Flustered because of how rude that sounded, Jaebum laughed sheepishly and shook his head. "I'll just have an iced Americano. And, Youngjae..." Youngjae squinted at the menu above them, saying, "I'll have some water." Jaebum's face abruptly switched to one of shock, nudging the younger gently with his elbow. 'Eat,' he mouthed. Youngjae grumbled, feeling like he was just scolded by his mother. "Nevermind. I'll have a melon smoothie." "Alright. that will be ₩6,500." His hand reached into his pocket to grab his wallet, but the taller Jaebum stopped him before he could go any further. Instead, he took out his own wallet and paid using a card. Youngjae squinted his eyes at the other. I bet he just wanted to show off. Stupid seniors. "Thank you. Please come to pick up your order once this starts to buzz," she said while handing over the circular device to Youngjae, who almost dropped it.To the surprise of both, she leaned forward and gestured for them to come closer. "The third floor is popular with... couples like you two," she whispered with a grin. Both boys shook their heads, trying to insist that they weren't that sort of couple. She didn't listen, only grinning happily. 'You guys are so cute!' she mouthed while making a thumbs up, leaving the two speechless as they searched for a table. "Maybe we should go to the third floor," Youngjae was heard mumbling. "But we're not a couple, unfortunately," Jaebum remarked, putting emphasis on the last word to express that he really did think it was unfortunate. "I mean, I'd be more than happy if we were, but-" "The people here are staring at us." Youngjae gestured with a subtle tilt of his chin, completely ignoring what the other had to say. It was true, though; quite a few of the other couples enjoying their food seemed to be whispering at the two. Jaebum scoffed and marched towards the staircase, Youngjae following quickly to avoid any more odd gazed from anyone there. As promised by the girl at the cash register, the third floor was filled with... ...gay. Youngjae's eyes couldn't ignore the variety(?) of couples that were there, enjoying their time together. At one table in the corner, there was someone resembling a llama sitting across from someone who appeared like a girl. He couldn't tell, that person just had long hair. At the opposite side of the room, he spotted a couple that consisted of someone narrow-eyed with bright mint hair, nodding at his partner, who had a radiant smile, while he ranted. At another table they passed by were two people who didn't stand out in particular except that they seemed to be speaking completely in Chinese. Beside their table were two rather young looking guys, the foreign-looking one teaching his partner how to say simple words in English. "I don't think there are any open tables, hyung..." Youngjae remarked with a pout after searching around the room. Jaebum nodded, thinking that they might end up having to sit outside or something. Just then, someone tapped his arm. he turned around to see two rather tall guys sitting at the table nearby, one of them looking highly emo. "Are you looking for a table? Ae can just move our stuff, there's space for you guys," the person who tapped his arm offered, his canine teeth showing as he smiled. "Oh, sure. Thank you." Once the other guys moved their belongings, Youngjae took the seat that was on the cushiony couch and Jaebum sat on the chair. "Are you guys from JYP high?" the person asked, sipping on his ice coffee. Jaebum nodded, leaning back while putting an arm over the chair in an assertive way. "We're from Pledis," he replied, making Jaebum go “Ooh.” No wonder they were wearing nice clothes and looked as though they had their hair done professionally. Although Pledis was a small school, it was a costly place to attend and its students sure did prove that. "God, I would've screamed if you guys were from SM." Almost everyone in the room quieted down when hearing that name as though it was a taboo. SM's school had the roughest teachers and classes by far, and its roughness most likely rubbed off on its students. The device Youngjae held flashed red lights out of nowhere and started buzzing, startling him. Jaebum took it from his hand and headed downstairs in order to grab their drinks. Once he was gone, the high-key emo person who hadn't said a thing leaned over to Youngjae. "Your boyfriend's hot," he said quietly. Youngjae's face flashed a bright pink. "He's not my boyfriend! I'm not dating him," he argued and pouted again. "Really? I think he likes you from the way he looks at you, though," the person sitting across said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "What's his name?" "Im Jaebum." Someone dropped their fork in the distance as the person almost choked on his straw. "That's... him? He's Im Jaebum?" he asked, clearly as confused as Youngjae was. someone a few tables next to them whispered, “Holy shit, that was Im Jaebum?” "Yes?" Youngjae tilted his head, not understanding what all the fuss was about. "Goodness," he sighed while shaking his head. "He's a literal legend at Pledis." Youngjae's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean by that?" "How do you, his boyfriend, not know about this?" he fanned himself with his hand, accidentally hitting himself in the face. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat. "Anyway, the Pledis legend. Im Jaebum. He used to go to Pledis for his freshman year, I think. But somehow, he ended up becoming the school's first ever student to be full on expelled." Youngjae's mouth dropped when hearing this. He wasn't even sure if his best friends Jinyoung or Jackson knew about this. "One of the biggest idol companies—you know, the ones with idol groups and all that—scouted him during his freshman year, right on our campus. The story about that flew all over school and he became a living legend. Everyone wanted to his friend." "How come you didn't recognize him earlier if he's that well known?" Youngjae asked in a dazed tone, not quite able to wrap his head around all the information he just absorbed. "Are you kidding me? He used to be one of the shortest guys in the class. He had mushroom hair and wore huge glasses every day." "Okay..." Youngjae peered over to the staircase to see if was Jaebum was back or not. He wanted to hear more of the details, wishing he wouldn't be back for another five minutes. "Well, why was he expelled?" "There was this group of seniors that made fun of him a lot, and I guess he was just fed up with him," he explained with a shrug, shaking around his cup. "What did he do?" "He poisoned them." That was the point where Youngjae didn't believe the story anymore. "No, that's stupid—" "He baked them a nice batch of cookies that made them vomit the next day. They told the principal on him," the boy paused in order to snap his fingers, "and just like that, he was gone." Youngjae was speechless, only his eyes blinking as the rest of his body was frozen. He was so confused, mostly because he couldn't believe that someone who seemed genuinely kind like the 'Def Soul' person he knew would do such thing. At the staircase, he could see a glimpse of Jaebum walking up with two cups in his hands. "Are you afraid that he'll do something like that again?" the person asked. "If you are, I don't think you should be. I can tell his attitude has changed a lot since freshman year, and he's probably trying to get a fresh start." Jaebum sat back down in his seat across from the still shocked Youngjae. He waved his hand in front of him, wondering if he was even alive. "Yah, Im Jaebum!" the person smacked his arm out of nowhere. “What—ah, shit," Jaebum cursed under his breath once he realized that that person currently attended pledis, the place of his unforgettable past. "I can't believe it's actually you. hey, i'm mingyu. remember me?" Jaebum's eyes widened as though he was reminded of something unpleasant, but he played it cool and sighed. "Yes, yes, I do. What do you want?" The one sitting across from mingyu tapped his watch, indicating something about time. He nodded his head and hurriedly threw on his jacket, grabbing his things. "Sorry, I would talk more but there's something I have to do." Before he left the table, he leaned down towards Jaebum's ear and whispered softly.

“Don't break that cutie's heart, okay?”

#breakfast delivery #wakaba #got7 #got7 fluff #2jae #2jae fluff #youngjae #jaebum #jaebum fluff #youngjae fluff #mark tuan #park jinyoung #jinyoung #jackson wang #bambam #yugyeom #kim yugyeom

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bambibambis · 6 years ago

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wednesday january 2, 2019

i can't believe 2018 is over. time is going by so fast lately.

a lot has happened in the past few weeks. i think i need to start writing everything down. it's hard to figure things out without keeping track of what i already learned.

okay so where do we begin. things have been really rocky with harry. i can feel in my bones when things are good and when things are bad and my bones were telling me girl, you are in danger! i'm not sure how in detail i should get. on the one hand i need to remember everything to make sure it doesn't happen again. on the other hand i would love to erase this from my memory

from november 16th to december 7th harry had been sending nude photos of himself to kaya and receiving photos from her. it's really sad to think about. the devastation of being betrayed in such a selfish and thoughtless way at least brought some interesting experiences. during that time i received several signs that something was wrong. i want to get them all down so i know what to look for in the future.

on the 18th we went to a tash sultana concert. i knew something was wrong. he felt a million zillion light years away from me.

during the week that followed, one day i went in my room and saw harry doing something weird with his phone and his dick. i just thought he was jerking off or some weird shit but he was probably sending pictures to her. my gut told me to talk to him about it but i didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. in that same week my instagram was flooded with pictures of her. i thought she looked really dumb and it made me happy that she was making a public fool of herself so i showed them to harry and he laughed along with me but i could tell it was insincere.

i went out on the day before thanksgiving. before i went out harry gave me a lecture about how i need to be a better girlfriend. that's so funny to me now that i know he was texting pictures of his dick to his ex girlfriend not even a few hours before the lecture. we i went out i got really really drunk and had an emotional breakdown even though i didn't know why. i texted bryan hi and then texted him again saying never mind. he texted me back saying happy thanksgiving. historically, i only feel like texting bryan when harry is texting kaya.

thanksgiving weekend was hard. he was acting so weird and distant and we spent the whole weekend being sad and not talking. couldn't bring myself to kiss him or touch him and i didn't know why.

things kept being weird until the 1st of december. by then i felt happy with harry and i think he felt happy again with me. i'm not sure what shifted our energy. that night julia said something weird about how she used to have a crush on harry. the next night we went out to house of yes. our friend patsy came. she's kaya's friend too. julia got her tarot read. the tarot card reader said something like "stay away from harry." that made me mad because it was the second harry related thing coming from julia. i freaked out and yelled at harry as if i was yelling at julia. i think now it was just the universe telling me that something is going on between harry and a girl that's not you.

the next weekend harry went to court on the 7th. he later told me that after court he got coffee with kaya and told her they have to stop sending nudes to each other. we had a good weekend. on the drive home i told him the plans i made for his birthday. i said that i wanted it to be a surprise but i just couldn't keep any secrets from him. i had to tell him or else i would die of anxiety. he later said that made him feel bad, knowing that he was keeping something so big from me.

on the 12th we got an amazing 6 month anniversary dinner and went ice skating. when we got back the room was covered in rose petals. i was happy.

on the 13th he left for shalom mountain. that weekend allie tumminia and ally cirelli both told me that julia had told them she and harry used to exchange nudes. i thought it was weird that they were bringing that up but they were just trying to warn me that my man was out her sending nudes. bryan also texted me that weekend.

when harry got back from shalom mountain my heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. i was so upset and i didn't even know why. i cried nonstop all week. we talked on monday night but it didn't make me feel any better. i told him that.

H: Think about it and we can talk more. I want you to be happy my love. I feel like I have built our relationship without being upfront about my needs to be independent (partially because I didn’t realize and partially because of fear) and perhaps I kind of pulled the rug out from under you. Maybe that’s part of what you’re feeling. I’m sorry if it is, it doesn’t change how much I love you and want you.

tuesday i went home from work early and just stayed in bed all day and night. we hardly talked. on wednesday he was mad.

H: [picture of like george and martha washington and their kids or some shit] Found this this am.... dis is what I want with you. I have to go to Long Island tonight cuz I got doctors appointments tmw early. I hope we can talk before I leave. I can’t have you shutting down like this baby. I don’t really understand what’s going on, I made a mistake but it seems like you’re just closing off and shutting down. What you did when I got home from this weekend and what you continue to do is not acceptable. You say that I never tell you what’s going on with me but that’s what you’re doing now. I certainly never shut down completely like this on you. This is so fucking stupid, you’re upset about me leaving you for the weekend and so you push me away? As if I don’t dedicate literally every moment of my life to loving you. I hope you can meditate on your feelings today and come home communicative and with half of the accountability for our relationship. I would like to have at least 1 day of my birthday week not be completely shite. I love you Victoria, you have a partner who loves you boundlessly and goes so far out of the way to show it to you. There’s no reason to be doing this shit.

V: I don’t know why you’re being so aggressive and defensive I didn’t even say you did anything wrong. Yesterday I was just feeling sad and confused and also very sick. Idc about you leaving for the weekend at all I never said it was about that ever not once. furthermore I apologized for how I acted on sunday. And I told you I was upset on Tuesday. i feel like you talked at me so crazy in this message and in your messages from yesterday and when we were talking on monday. Like I cannot believe you would speak to me like this. Im sorry that your life is so horrible because of me engulfing it and im sorry im ruining your birthday by being sick and sad.

H: I’m aggressive because I’m angry. I don’t like being treated this way. You apologized but have continued to do the same shit so that apology means very little. It’s not okay to put a wall between us like this. You barely even looked me in the eyes yesterday. Being sick and sad and confused is no excuse to cut me off. Whenever I’m sick sad or confused I still give you love and do what I can to show you I care. If you don’t feel like I didn’t do anything wrong, why were you so angry and why are you treating me this way? What I’m hearing is “I apologized for how I treated you but I’m going to continue treating you the same way because I’m sad and confused for an unspecified reason but I’m not upset with you. You’re crazy for feeling the way you do.” You’re calling me crazy for expressing how I feel. I understand I’m being angry but I’m also listening to your feelings, hearing them, and apologizing for my wrongdoing. I’m being affectionate and trying to be communicative. The fact that you are calling me crazy shows me that you’re unwilling to see where I’m coming from. I’m not calling you crazy, I’m actually hearing you, I just don’t understand where you’re coming from because you haven’t seemed to tell me yet. It’s so fucked up of you to be calling me crazy. Even if I’m not understanding you I’m not being fucking judge mental about it

V: “I feel like you talked at me so crazy” does not equal me calling you crazy. At all. You’re confusing me because you’re talking at me in a way that is so unlike you that I don’t even know how to respond. and you’re not listening to a word im saying and what you are listening to, you’re misconstruing or misunderstanding. I was just laying in bed yesterday I wasn’t acting like a demon. Im sorry I wasn’t all over you and on top of you but you knew I was having a rough weekend and rough day and also you just got done telling me how much I engulf your life and how much you needed to get away from me and be independent from me.

H: This is me angry. I’m sorry I’ve never really talked to you angry so it might seem crazy but it’s not. I’m not saying you were acting like a demon, I’m saying you continued to behave the way that you had previously apologized for, which implies that you aren’t sorry and that you don’t care how that behavior affects me. I didn’t say I needed to get away and you engulf my life. I just said I needed to find myself and regain dope independence. That means me doing things on my own and for me sometimes, because I ignore my own needs a lot of the time. That doesn’t mean when we’re together let’s not talk or make eye contact. I’m just trying to reclaim myself, not put a fucking ocean between us. You always are a little distant when you are having a rough time but this is more than that and I already said this really hurts me and you ready apologized but continue to do the same thing!!! I don’t expect you to be all over me when you don’t feel well, but it seems very little to expect eye contact or hi or how was your day or hey I’m not feeling well I need space or how did this incredibly huge thing you just did go? or at the very least a change in behavior from WHAT YOU JUST APOLOGIZED FOR. And I still. Do not know. Why you are so sad and confused. [America i just want to point out that he is giving so much attitude acting like he don't know why i'm sad and confused knowing full and damn well that he was a trifling ass and that i have telepathy and can tell he was doing some trifling ass shit.]

V: i don’t even know I just have a horrible terrible feeling that’s making me feel like the worst I’ve ever felt in my whole life. Im sad that you are talking to me like im a baby infant. Im sad that you rather talk to strangers about yourself than me. im sad that you feel like you want to do incredibly huge things without me. In my head there are 2 kinds of things: things I want to do with you and things I don’t really want to do. You’re the one who said you wanted to share everything with me and now you’re acting like I have you in a cage and only let you out to eat and pee. No one ever said you cant do shit on your own. You’re like blaming me for not being independent enough and like trying to make up for lost time by yelling at me and making me feel bad. To me it feels like you went to shalom mountain and they told you to come back and bully tf out of me and you were like amazing idea. You’re the one who like demanded me to be vulnerable with you and demanded us to be open and one with eachother and this and that and now it feels like you are ripping yourself off of me after spending the last 6 months coming together.

H: I’m sorry you feel so terrible. Thank you, that helped me understand your feelings and my feelings so much more clearly. I needed to find myself on my own, without you. Not so long ago I told you I felt like I needed to find my individual self again and you said that was smart. I love you so much that I cared more about you and our relationship than I cared about myself. That’s not healthy for me or for us. My need for you overcame my want for you and that was fucking with us. That’s what makes me feel scared to express myself, that’s what makes me feel like I’m being punished. That’s not your fault, it’s just what happened. I needed to step back, find myself and come back to you. I could not do that journey with you. I need to be in this relationship because I love you, not because I’m scared to lose you. I don’t blame you for any of this, I have put myself in a cage of my own fear and my own need. I do feel that the part of you that is afraid supported my cage. But I know that the true you doesn’t want me in a cage and supports my individuality. You had your part to play, but I know I did this to myself and to us. I built a lot of our relationship out of fear. I am trying to kill that relationship. And that may be why you feel so terrible. But it’s okay we can start again. I want to build a new relationship out of love purified of fear. I’m coming back from Shalom being a bully for the same reason you came to Japan being a bully, we needed to rebalance. We are so out of whack Vic. We always make it work because we love each other but we’ve been out of balance since I lost my job. You know you’ve been dating a shadow of the boy you fell in love with. I went to Shalom and I found the boy you fell in love with again. That amazing open brave brilliant human that radiates light and love. I rediscovered how I don’t need a god damn thing in this world because I am perfect. I don’t need anything or anyone because I am already perfect love. And then everything was clear, and I realized how much I wanted you, how much I love you, but how our fear had been getting in our way. I just wanted to come home and feel you clearly and to hold you and to be held and I was so excited to tell you all this and to tell you about my experience and talk about going back together but when I came home I was met with fear and rejection and what felt like punishment for what I knew in my heart was exactly what I needed for me and for us. It felt so horrible and violating to finally feel like myself again, be so excited to be with you again, leave 20 strangers who loved me unconditionally and come home to the love of my life rejecting me. That makes me so angry. I understand this all didn’t happen in the best way and I’m so sorry my love, I left fearful and I gave you fear. That’s what I’ve been doing over and over. Pumping fear into our relationship. I shouldn’t have expected to come home to anything else but the fear I created. I am so so sorry for doing that to you. But I’m not scared anymore. I have found the love inside of me again and I feel like I can love you purely again, without fear. I’m asking you to let go of that fear with me and rejoin in unconditional love. I love you, you are so important to me.

V: There are so many things in this big ol essay that are so hurtful that I cant even think about right now. Im very glad you found yourself and im very glad 20 strangers love you unconditionally. Sorry I cant be them. I hope we can figure this out bc right now I don’t feel like the harry I fell in love with came back I feel like the harry that infuriated me in Japan came back. it’s really really horrible to hear that what I’ve been trying to do for 6 months and failing 20 random ass strangers did in 4 days. That crushes me into a million zillion pieces.

H: I’m sorry you felt that it was hurtful. I’m trying to be truthful so we can heal. I don’t want you to be them, I want you to be you. But I think all the fear in our relationship has gotten in the way of the unconditional love. You could have never succeeded, and the 20 strangers didn’t succeed either, I did it, I had to do it by myself. I just needed to be in a place where I was not around anything I was attached to. It’s just like last year except reversed. I was trying to save you but I was holding so much of the power, and you needed to break away to take it back and take yourself back. Then I think I became the scared one and you’ve been trying to save me but I needed to break away and take myself back. And maybe I have the power now so you feel like you did in Japan but I don’t want the power! I just want to share it with you. We need to find balance so 4 days doesn’t become 3 months

V: idk I just don't think we are ever going to see eye to eye on this. I never ever feel like someone has power and someone doesnt. I just thought you were feeling down and lost or whatever. idk this is so exhausting and sad I want to be done with it. Whatever i have to do to find the balance or whatever I will do bc i literally cant spend another second feeling this shitty.

that night we both went to long island together. i cried all night and he held me. it felt nice. i was happy he was taking care of me. it felt like he hadn't done that in a long time.

the next day i felt better and told him i was proud of him and happy for him. his mom sent me a video for my video montage. it was baby harry naked. his sister freaked out and was saying she didn't want us sending naked videos of harry. that's funny now bc harry was sending naked videos of himself.

later in the day i had to get a few more things off my chest.

V: I just want to communicate that me being so sad was never about the fact that you went away or about your new shift or you finding your center, that all makes me so happy and that’s all I ever wanted. I want you to be more independent and love your life and feel good what you’re doing on our beautiful planet. it was more about feeling like you didn’t appreciate our last 6 months together and that now that you found yourself you feel like you don’t need me and that you were looking down on me for not being spiritual enough or whatever. i just had this overwhelming feeling that you didn’t care whether we were partners or not and that made me feel very sad. It felt like you didn’t look at me as part of you anymore. it felt like I could be replaced by anyone and you would be just as happy. Idk if that’s true or not and i really hope it’s not true and that my feeling was just on bath salts or something but I think that is what I was feeling and why I was so sad. Nevertheless all I ever want is for you to be happy. It’s literally my driving motivation and I am so unmotivated but I am so motivated to make you happy. So im happy that you are feeling so great and I really can’t wait to have an amazing weekend celebrating both of my favorite holidays.

H: I appreciate you telling me this and explaining your feelings. I hear you. Thank you for loving me and caring for me so much and supporting me on my journey. That means the world to me. I appreciate the past 6 months so fucking much baby. I’m crying right now just thinking about it. I am so grateful for your love, your partnership and everything you’ve done for me. I don’t know how I could have survived these past few months without you. It means so much to me. These past few months would have been so much worse without you. But I do know that I don’t need you. I truly believe needing gets in the way of loving you. I am an amazing perfect human being on my own. I don’t need you to be amazing. But when I’m with you I feel twice as amazing and double perfect. I don’t need you [america, i want the record to show that i really appreciated getting some resolution but i was so so so fucking pissed when he said this i don't need you bullshit lmfao] but I want you because you are the cutest funniest smartest emotionally in touch gorgeous sexy thang I have ever seen. I love being around you and with you. You could not be replaced by anyone, you are such an amazing partner and we are fertilizers to each other’s inner beauty. That said, things have been out of balance. I know you don’t understand it or like it but our bonding pattern has been off. I think both of us have been driven by a lot of fear and need. And unconditional love is not fear and not need. I really don’t look down on you for not being spiritual enough, but I am sad at how much that aspect of our lives has been absent. I feel like you ridicule it and don’t want to talk about it or nurture that aspect of ourselves and our relationship. I don’t look down on you and I don’t want to be your therapist but how can I not talk at you about spirituality when you won’t talk with me about it? This is a huge part of my life. I’m never going to be without it and I feel like after we split up you didn’t want anything to do with it. I understand that may not be true but that’s the way I feel and we need to shift. I also want to mention that you don’t need me. You are a perfect amazing person on your own. You are the most amazing person I ever met! That’s why I love you!!! I love us because I love you. It’s not healthy to love us because we love us. We have to love us because we love each other. And that’s where I was having a problem. It felt like we were each half of one person rather than being each whole parts together making one couple. I love you, I want you, I love our partnership. I hope this doesn’t come off as therapy, I’m just expressing myself and my feelings.

V: i don’t mean to seem like I don’t want to talk about spirituality, I feel like I bring it up a lot we just do it in different ways bubba. It’s such an important part of my life too. Im always down to ruminate over the meaning of life but im also always gonna clown on it bc I clown on the things I love. I don’t feel like im the reason why it’s been less present in our lives and I don’t want you to feel that way either that’s upsetting. I think you just have that part wrong but I’ll make a more concerted effort to engage with it. and bitch I know im perfect ! I didn’t mean need need [i did mean need lol i just didn't want to get into it even more than we already were] I just meant like i felt like you didn't care whether or not I was with you. I worded that wrong [nah i said what i said]. I guess I just want to know that you would be sad if we broke up or I died or got kidnapped by the yakuza.

H: I’m glad you feel perfect! But I would be devastated if we broke up or you died or you were kidnapped by the Yakuza. I would survive but I would be an absolute mess for the longest time. I would be sadder than when George died and I would spend all my time Liam Neesoning or performing Voodoo resurrection spells. You and our relationship is so important to me they became more important than myself! THATS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. But I just need my self-love to be above all things

we got dinner that night after our conversation. things still felt weird but at least they were tolerable. the next morning he said he was going back to shalom mountain and i got so fucking pissed lmfaoo. we spent the day and night hardly talking. he fell asleep early. bryan texted me and we spent that whole night talking. bryan asked me if i was happy and i said yes. he asked me if he was being an asshole for reaching out to me after breaking my heart. i told him that the facts are we had a long intense maniac relationship that meant a lot to both of us and ended quite abruptly and that that's no ones fault and it's normal for us to both be babies about it whenever we feel like it. he said that i was so cool and mature. i had a relationship, could still talk to an ex in a measured and authentic way. that i was cool as shit. i told him that meant a lot and that it felt like like i needed to hear that but didn't know it until right now. he said maybe it was meant to be. we ended the convo and i knew that something was going on with kaya. the pieces were beginning to add up in my brain even despite my learning disability.

the next day, saturday, the 22nd, we rounded the troops and headed down to philly for harry's birthday party. at one point in the evening i went to get a video off his phone for the video montage i made him. what i found was 293847638292874632746786423892743075403598753486327r532768473890540938657439754036546594867458 videos of him and kaya having sex. that was a really pleasant experience for me. i didn't want to derail the party so instead i just kept my cool and continued to be the best host of all time. my friend ryan could tell i was upset and asking me if it was bc of the kaya thing. in my head i was like what fucking kaya thing bitch these are old videos so i know you ain't talking about this. so then i was doubley mad. he said "i'm sure the whole thing will implode." girl, i was seeing red. but i didn't want to ruin his birthday so we kept it moving.

later in the night we took some slamming molly and my third eye blew wide open. i told him i knew he wasn't telling me something and asked him to please just spit it out. he told me everything. i wasn't that mad at first. i understood. i really really did. when the molly started wearing off, i started crying so hard. i was so sad. i was crushed. heartbroken. i couldn't even look at him. it was still nice though. i really felt like i was with harry for the first time in a long long time. even though my heart was broken it was great to see him.

things since then were good but now they are back to rough. i'm still trying to make sense of it all and i'll get into more later. i wanted to get this chunk down so i don't forget.

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brothalynchhung · 7 years ago

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2017 overview

FOR FUCKS SAKEEE IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 5 YEARS LMFAOOOO anyways lets goo... this gone be a lot i learned a lot this year

the year started out...

kinda weird tbh like i was in a weird state

i was back to being obsessed following jk/gl lool

it was nice but i got to hopelessly obsessed

but they came back and it really motivated me it made me happy

hes so comforting until this day

he earned so much!! achieved so much! I'm so happy for him

i gained a lot this year too .. in a way

yeah 2017 was weird introspectively...

lot of internal rebuilding...

i did video 1 which was fun i got to make some cool shit and work hard on projects

i met my girl xy lol her talented ass

ate out a lot tbh i was a fatass beginning of 2017 wtf

still am tho wtf who am i kidding 🙄🙄🙄

jus classes with z as usual but winter 2017 was so weird cuz like.. i barely went to any of those classes LOL

video 1 was fun

adv com theories was ass idk how i got a B+ in that class i failed everything LMFAOO

phi was whatever

women and media was weird cuz of that weird girl but we got a good mark so whatever

quantitative LMFAOOO fuck that class and that bitch ass prof i didnt learn shit

other than that personally...i was going through some mental shit.. i felt alone. i felt out of it. i felt regretful

i felt so regretful i felt like shit

i fell into such a nostalgic moment like i just missed everything

jk kinda reminded me of like.. how i was? happy? in 2016 i kinda of left everything and secluded myself in a weird way other than fighting with ayt/mh on some bullshit i just was out of it.. i was chilling with weirdos lol

i was thinking like.. i miss how it is??? I'm not that different? i like all the people from my past why are we not that close

spring day came out.. that hit it. bullseye.

childish gambinooo....

just really looking back, looking back on who i AM who I WANT to be truly. who i really want to be around and create

i valued my friendships

i was super creative... working on my book, investing in artistic pursuits..

i wanted to recreate everything i lost, i wanted to reclaim my trauma with that bitch.

i got to spend fun times with my friends, running around train tracks becoming closer again like how it should have been all along

jk had me looking forward to leaving to dubai

and so i did.

i tried chasing him there but it didnt really work out

its not really meant to be sr...

he's just an inspiration for what you want and for who u are

the whole groups a blessing lol

even tho i left that shit cuz it got too much and too weird why bitches gotta make shit mediocre🙄

anyways dubai was kinda ass but i got to realize something important... who i miss, who i wanted/wished were with me, who actually cares about me..

WHO ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT ME

yo sr... if someone really cares.. they'll take the effort. STOP chasing people who don't care.. STOP damaging yourself and the people who love u for people who don't give a fuck

i dropped that bitch so hard i hope she fucking rots in hell

2017 . APRIL 2017 LAST TIME EVER I WILL EVER SEE THIS BITCH. NEVER AGAIN.

my life got so much better.

dubai was a detox but after i came back it was so good

hot as fuck

ramadan lol

fat as fuck -_-

dubai was just weird lol kinda realized its not my place but it was nice(ish)

need to learn not to rely so much on material shit lol

my family is the best

they really tryna teach u and care for u, u will never have another family.

also met nr!!! she was sweet kinda weird tho lMAO the cat shit jesus lol

misk lol

WENT TO LONDON IT WAS AMAZING I LOVED IT

but fuck... lmao u know what the fuck u did yesterday -_- u DUMB bitch lmao who cares tho (...>_>)

came back... greeted by my friends who care

chilled with them, adventures with them

but came back.. sorry. sorry to myself. sorry to the people i hurt

ayt, mh

i was thinking about it since winter i knew i had to make it right again, i knew i was wrong, that fucking bitch fucked shit up for us, we could have had so much memories in 2016 if shit didnt go sour

i gave the wrong person another chance they didnt deserve

so i reflected.. and swallowed my fucking pride

apologized. to who i needed to

and u know what? we good. like it was never bad. we good

...thats real. no flop shit, no fake shit, we good. loyalty. blessed.

u really gave the wrong bitch another chance u real did

stupid ass

then it was good.. adventures with my friends, rebuilding, forgetting, growing

together.

beach!! hiking!! badminton in the middle of the streets singing backstreet boys!! lol music!!

KENDRICK LAMARRR

i made friends w ht again amazing lol

really remade friends w a lot of people lol

kendrick was so good tho fuck he was amazing my eyes were tearing/shining i cried like 5 times LOVE.. PRIDE. fuck those got to me

my ass saw get low live?? by YG fuck i love him too

best night

amusement parks x3.. lol mtl with my fams..

yo me and lina got so close

i love my family. always.

NTCCCLMAOOOO

they gave me so much hope after i dropped stb cuz or their weird ass fandom.. i couldn't deal with that shit they're ruining my damn nostalgia. but whatever I'm not gon hate on their success.. jk is still jk to me i hope he reaches the stars with his success

but yeah damn ntc made everything sooo good damn how u not have 1 dime but like 8 LMAO in one group

literally lights of my lifeee

jn😤jh😤hc🍅😩m😤jn😭jm😭WTF BITCH so much possibilities tf

love them they made me so happy

also their fandom is so funnny love the bitches i been following and talking to

anyways i saved up my money a lot but now its like all gone cuz nadas work so idk

UHMMMM I BOUGHT MMM??? WTF BITCH WTF

I WIN IDC I WIN fuck all these bitches

glow up glow the FUCK up

lost a lil weight.. probably gained it all back idk fuck me -.-

since fall 2017.. i been happy.. i got my friends..my groups..

rm, mc, ys💘

nz,suz,lul,mar💖

prgl,sr,joan💞

hct!

nm💗

ayt

zainb,rame

xiny, jelly

and more...

hearts 4 all I'm just lazy lol

nice to have friends, nice to know there are people who actually like u and care for u and are fun to hang with, nice to know people like u for who u really are unconditionally

nice to know bitches i hate will never NEVER have that

stay lonely pitiful boring unsuccessful and fake .

priorities straight. emptying out ugly shit, rebuilding myself and who i am. having fun, fixing my look. investing

music music music GOOD MUSIC

movies movies movies

books books books

those 3 things will never change

unbrainwashing myself

realized so much shit.. istg my glow up is associated with freeing my mind from all this bullshit...

RATHER BE PROUD OF WHO I AM RATHER THAN TRY TO BE SOMETHING IM NOT JUST TO FIT INTO SOME LOWKEY RACIST UGLY BORING BULLSHIT

crazy how deep into my coma i was

BITCH IM BACK OUT OF MY COMA

going forward.. going forward.. investing.. changing...

mentality shifting.. my image of diserable.. who i want to be

better important goals, fun goals, fun shit, cool shit, new shit

destroying the fuck bitches who tried to kill me

bunch of fucking losers.

I'm better now I'm happy now i ended 2017 happy as fuck

i DONT have my gl but i don't need him rn. I'm loved. i love me. my family and friends got me. so until i act on some long awaited shit and gain more resources and achieve more personally UNTIL I'm ready and deserve some shit. then ill get gl. I'm going towards him.

you're with me.. even when you're away.

hope u feel all this happiness too, hope you're warm, hope you know I'm not where u are right now and hope ur working your way towards me too

ill meet u in the warm .

happy. i spent many nights happy no fights no drama no sadness (other than not having gl i get hopeless being in love with someone i don't know yet but i cant help it)

soon tho dw.. it 2018 now lol

anyways!! i grew so much in 2017 I'm back to who i really am I'm motivated I'm happy I'm inspired I'm ready for the next year

i ended this year losing my bitch ass acne studios scarf!! like a dumb bitch!! so I'm still a dumb bitch!! but who cares -.-

need so stop buying dumb shit.. ill get the trousers when i get a job and the fucking scarf won't matter.. yo ass don't even like scarfs wtf -_-

lool see this optimistic dgaf mentality..

CAASH DONT LAST MY FRIENDS WILL RIDE FOR ME

and thats exactly what we did tonight, dance and sing to disney hits and sean paul . happy and careless af

I GOTTED WHAT I WANTED RIGHT NOWWW

GOD DOES IT FEEL SO GOOOOD

2018 lets fucking go. I'm ready . I'm going to make so much shit. I'm out my coma, i know what the fuck i want . no more dumb shit, we do dis. LETS FUCKING GOOOO.

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canaryatlaw · 8 years ago

Text

So, I’d want to say today was an adventure, but that wouldn’t really be true because it was more like 90% boring and 10% adventurous, lol, but the adventuring was still good. Alarm went off at 7 and I came really, really close to staying in bed- I mean, my supervisors on vacation, the other attorneys on the calendar don’t pay attention to my schedule, I could easily skip and nobody would notice….but I somehow convinced myself to get up, and sadly enough like none of the attorneys were in the office and I totally could’ve gone unnoticed, lol. Oh well, need to get those damn hours in. So I was asking around for anything interesting in court, so we went down and hung out for a bit, and we got something at least marginally exciting. It was a 7 sibling temporary custody for mom that came in last night. The judge wanted to move forward with a hearing even though the PD wasn’t there and the person who was getting shoved in to cover for her was freaking out, like she hadn’t even seen the case file she was like I could get an ARDC complaint for this, but the judge is like idc we’re going forward because the mom wanted a hearing, so we did and thankfully the actual PD showed before they got to their questioning. Not that there was any chance temporary custody wasn’t gonna be taken when mom was beating her kids with a broom and saying she wants to kill them. Sigh. Court went down pretty early though, so we went back upstairs and had to deal with the rest of the 7 sibling case. It had come in late last night, and the judge on duty put in a mandate to see all the kids within 24 hours, and their in three different placements, two of which are in the suburbs…..like, it was kind of insane. So I wound up speed filing out three emergency interview requests to get the paperwork through, so hopefully they pulled that off. The 3 oldest kids were in a shelter at least temporarily, and that sucks so I hope they get a better placement soon. After that pretty much everyone had headed out, but the one attorney I had been working with throughout the day wanted me to fix her client list for her in excel and basically retype the whole thing, which was fine until the numbers got fucked up on the different columns and this is exactly the kind of shit that causes my super genius brain to short circuit because my mind just will not process it correctly and it’s actually maddening. So I spent a while trying to fix that and I think I got most of it right before it was 5 and I left. Went right over to school for our PAD networking event, I didn’t have to participate but just kind of you know supervise and all that good shit, so mostly just sat around and chatted, but got to see some alumni lawyer friends and such so that was nice. I had small group at church at 7:30 so at about 7:15 I headed out, already knowing I would probably be late, and here’s where one of the cooler moments of the day happened. If you’ve read like, any of these posts, you know being late is legit my biggest pet peeve and it drives me nuts, even when it’s something that doesn’t matter if you’re actually late to, it just drives me nuts. So I leave school and I see Anthony standing across the street and my first thought is “I can’t stop, I’m already going to be late” but then something in me just said wait, stop. You’re on your way to your church small group that is literally titled “knowing God and loving others” and you’re more concerned about getting there on time than showing a tangible expression of love to someone in a vulnerable position you’ve come to know and built a friendship with, knowing that even seeing me for a few minutes can make his whole day he tells me, and I couldn’t help but think about how selfish I am and how completely out of whack my priorities are. So I ran across the street and talked for a few minutes, gave him an energy bar and the dollar in my wallet before heading out. As I was walking to the train I pulled my bag of popcorn out of my lunch box intending to eat it on the train, then I come across another homeless man I’ve seen around but never really spoken to all that much, so I offer him a bar and I was holding the popcorn in my hand, and it just felt right so I gave it to him as well. Hopped on the train, and as I was getting off at my stop a woman asked if I could swipe her on the train, and I said sure but I wasn’t sure if it would work because my card won’t allow double swipes sometimes if you just did it not long ago, but it worked for her so that was good. So I get to small group late, only to find out only 2 other members showed up this particular week, so 3 of us and the 3 leaders. It was kind of nice really, we just talked about our lives and things we’re dealing with, and I got to talk a lot about my ideas on showing the love of Christ to people in every action I take, so that I don’t need to have “Christian” emblazoned on my chest to be a good witness, as well as my other thoughts on just loving other people, which I’m sure you know by now is a subject I could go on about for hours, about how awful we’ve become at truly loving our neighbors and how when we claim the title Christian, you’re taking on the responsibility that every action you take, people will associate with God- and of course there’s grace and mercy and forgiveness and nobody is perfect, but it should be something you take very seriously- because so often the actions of “Christians” are the things that drive people away from the church, not the actual church teaching itself. And while we were sitting there talking I started to think about how frustrated and upset I’ve been at the church lately, and how it’s such an odd feeling because it’s not like I’m mad at God as people often get- I’m great with God, I actually feel like I probably have a stronger relationship with Him now than ever before. It’s not God or his teachings I have a problem with- it’s everything else. It’s the people who claim the title but proceed to violate every commandment in the most vile ways possible, and directly contradict the very words in the bible- and while I don’t want to fall into bitterness, I think I am justified in my indignation at this point- I’m not trying to compare myself to Jesus (at all, really) but it reminds me of when He saw all the people turning the temple into debauchery and He absolutely lost it on them, because they were besmirching the name of God in their actions, and that’s what I have a problem with. You want to be a terrible person and take away people’s health care and livelihood? Fine, but don’t you dare claim to follow a God whose vital commands are to love God and love your neighbor as yourself when your actions show you couldn’t care less about your neighbor. Don’t try and tell the world God wants them to institute cruel policies that can and will ruin lives in the name of corporate gain. Don’t pretend that you believe in a God who defines Himself as love (1 John 4:8) and take actions that show the complete opposite. Don’t you dare. Sigh, I didn’t want that to turn into a rant but it did anyway. Clearly I have a lot of thoughts on the subject, but I’m sure most of you already knew that by now. But small group was good, and they brought mini cupcakes for my birthday, which was nice. The journey home was where the real adventure began. So I get on the train, I get off the train and check for the next bus and oh great, it has “delayed” status 2 miles away with no way to know when it will restart, and the next bus behind it is 29 minutes out. Fuck. It’s like 9:40 at this point and the donut shop right there closes at ten, so I figured I could at least get something hot to drink and hang out in there instead of the freezing rain that’s been going on all day. So I go inside and order my tea while two young guys, late teens early twenties, worked on closing things up, and there were a few other people there talking. A few of them leave and then as I’m putting sugar in my tea I see a guy banging on the window trying to get the attention of one of the girls, who was trying to get him to leave. But then he comes inside and is trying to get all up in her face, not saying anything aggressive but it was obvious she did not want him there and she was just like “leave, get away from me” and I was legit ready to jump in and be like “get away from her” but the guy did leave at that point. Once he was gone I turned to the girl and asked if she was okay, but before she could even answer me one of the guys working there came over to her and was like “ma’m I’m gonna have to ask you to leave, you haven’t bought anything and blah blah blah” so they just send her out to right where the guy is and I’m just like WOAH NOT OKAY and like I understand not wanting trouble to break out in your store, but there’s no doubt in my mind if there was a female employee working there instead she would have let her stay. But I can’t just do nothing here. So instead of waiting for the bus inside the shop, I go back out into the freezing rain and find the girl out there. Luckily it seemed like the guy had disappeared, but I asked if she was okay and she seemed kind of shaken up but said she was, she just needed two bucks to get on the train to get out of here, and I had two since I just broke a 5 to buy my tea, so of course I gave them to her and she was saying that that guy was bothering her and she didn’t I know why they kicked her out like that and I was just like yeah I know, I couldn’t just ignore that I had to make sure you were okay, and you know us girls have to stick together, and she seemed very grateful and less shaken up, so that made me happy to see (not that I show kindness for the purpose of getting thanked, but I was glad I could at least help her a bit). You guys probably know this by now but I’m big into tangible acts of kindness and standing up to injustice when I see it, instead of just turning a blind eye. All in all this was a fairly mild situation, and it obviously could’ve gotten a lot worse (I’m very glad it didn’t) but I’d like to think that if it had gone there I still would’ve done what was right, even when it might me dangerous and mean putting myself between a girl and a man who wants to hurt her. So I guess I just encourage you to not let these little moments pass- even the small ones, just go a little bit out of your way to give a hand to your fellow girl- after all, we do need to stick together to keep each other safe. Sigh. But anyway. At that point I walk across the street to the bus station. Check the app, the first bus still hasn’t moved from its delayed status two miles away, and the second one is still 20 minutes out. Ugh. So we waited, there was a solid group of us there at that point, quite a few girls. After at least 15 minutes standing out there and the bus still 10 minutes away I was freezing cold and I was just like fuck this, I’m calling a Lyft so I did and I was so happy to get out of there because like I was so cold from the freezing rain, it was only drizzling but my hair was soaked just from being out there and like my toes were freezing. So I was very happy to be in a car and then in my apartment. Made some food quickly since I’d mainly only eaten mini cupcakes at small group. I was debating between watching this week’s arrow or supergirl since I hadn’t seen either yet, but decided on arrow more out of curiosity of what they were doing with the plot than actual interest in the show (and a bit because I was tired of watching supergirl become the Meh-El show week after week). The episode didn’t really feel like it accomplished anything, like they didn’t really make any profess with Chase until the very end, and now the Oliver just doubled his enemies by pissing off the Bratva too. Chase actually being on the run seems interesting though, so we’ll see where they go with that. I was majorly bored with the main Oliver feeling sorry for himself for being a terrible person storyline because I feel like it’s been so overdone at this point by multiple characters in this universe and just like, alright already, we all know he’s gonna end up back in the suit (or some sort of suit) soon enough, can we just skip all the moaning and pity partying? But yeah, those are my thoughts. Tired now, so I’ll say goodnight. Tomorrow should be fun, busy, but I’ll tell you about it then. Goodnight my loves. Happy Friday.

#daily journal #March 2017 #Rachel watches Arrow

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