#how to not cry every morning
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fuck you mean u were reading how-to books neil
#neil we are so same#he needs to give me book recs#i want his how-to collection#how to lie#how to not die#how to not cry every morning#aftg#tfc#neil josten#kevin day#andrew minyard
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as promised... here's the sanuso wall from my strawpage!!!! i cherish all of these so much aagghhh they're all so lovely thank you to everyone who sent something in 😭💖💖
#im only sure ab like 40% of the artists who did these PLEASEEE FEEL FREE TO TAG URSELF IF U DID ANY OF THESE I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER#otherwise id tag all of them sobbb#this is the peak of my artist career btw. having so many talented people sending me their sanusos ughhh im so grateful#if i missed any ill cry im so sorry i checked twice and thrice#op#one piece#art#mintart#sanuso#usosan#usopp#sanji#vinsmoke sanji#black leg sanji#god usopp#sogesoba#sogeking#soba mask#they make me SICK!!!!!!! EVERY MORNING ID OPEN MY STRAWPAGE AND BE BLESSED TO SEE THESE SILLIES#AND THE ART IS SO DELICIOUS GAAHHHHHH I LOVE TO SEE HOW THEY LOOK IN DIFFERENT STYLES#so gorgeous SOO PRETTY LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE
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Kinda surprised no one's written a fic (to my knowledge at least) where wild joins the chain and, with immense joy and some tears, mistakes wolfie for his wolfie. The whole chain (apart from time, who is bewildered but amused) fully thinks wolfie is simply wilds quest companion. That's not a weird helpful wolf, it's not a wandering spiritual beast, it's got nothing to do with twilight. It's wilds pet. Those who lost their own companions are a bit jealous.
Twilight has absolutely no idea how or why or what to do about it, but wolfie is apparently excellent for wilds mental and physical health, and he's so genuinely happy to see him each time he feels awful at the thought of depriving him and making wild feel abandoned.
The whole team is noticing the fact that twilight always vanishes when wolfie appears, but they're drawing the wrong conclusions (or are they? Twilight is hardly the only one to transform, and he is wearing a wolf pelt of all things). Wild wants to introduce twilight to wolfie.
And then, on a trip to wilds hyrule, suddenly there's two wolfies.
#Wild would be like those people who get swarmed by puppies and start crying from how much joy is filling their bodies#Like that one researcher who got to hold the poisonous lizard she'd been wanting to for years and nearly died when she went to wipe her eye#Twilight would be DEEPLY relieved Actual Companion Wolfie showed up but also??? How and why???#This is the Wrong Hyrule for twilit cursed wolves#The existence of two wolfies would screw up everyone's hypothesis but wild is squished between TWO giant wolves and absolutely beaming#Also wild wolfie would absolutely screw with twilight. He'd lick him awake every morning and threaten to raise his leg over his bed roll#The whole chain would find it hilarious but time especially would be dying#Even better if gold wolf shows up (THREE doggies!!!) and twilight is like THAT ONE'S MINE and it just gets even more confusing#Wild is actively trying to poach him from twilight and twilight doesn't really know how to react#Bonus points if wild figures it out after the two wolfies thing and is grateful to twi for being there for him#They're both a bit embarrassed but they'll laugh at it later down the line#loz#legend of zelda#lu chain#lu#linked universe#lu twilight#loz link#loz lu
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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posting selfies because it’s been a hot minute since i showed my face on here and i have short(er) hair now! 🍄
this was at a folk music festival on the weekend that i’ve been going to with my family since before i was a year old. i got to take a new friend this year and it was so wonderful. a beautiful day with beautiful music, art, and people.
this festival is a much smaller one and has struggled in recent years to stay afloat, it runs at a deficit essentially, and is kept going by the community and dedicated volunteers for whom it is a labour of love. i love to see the effort put in to make it a safe, welcoming, accepting atmosphere to celebrate talented (mostly local) artists. 🎶
#right at the enterance they had one of those signs that are like#‘WE BELIEVE Black Lives Matter no human is illegal Love is Love Women’s Rights are Human Rights science is real water is life’#‘and injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere’#inside the festival there were multiple Pride themed booths either set up by local queer artists as vendors#or a youth outreach program that was giving out all sorts of flags#the first performing group on the main stage in the morning added a line into one of their songs about coming together#and combating cruelty and injustice that referenced All Eyes on Rafah and several other current struggles#and the last main stage performer of the night that we stayed for sang a song called ‘Elliot’s Song’#about her trans nephew who she took in when he was kicked out by his parents and how much he opened her heart and changed her life#it made me cry and my friend bought one of her CDs and she signed it for them#all this to basically say it’s a place i’m so comfortable and something i’m so proud of#it haven’t been able to go every year of my life but it has still brought me almost two decades of joy#god i’ve been chatty the last two days#personal#my face#live local music my beloved#folk music my beloved#queer#wlw
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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Oh my GOD
I fucking figured it out. My entire life I've had a horrible time trying to wake up on time in the morning. I've always slept through alarms or snoozed them too many times or whatever. When I was in highschool I chalked it up to not getting enough sleep, but then I became an adult and did start getting enough sleep most of the time and I still had the same issues. I have been late to work almost every single day because of this and it's been a huge source of stress throughout my life.
And it think I just solved it.
It's because our little unconsciously fronts when we sleep, and I have to wake her up too. It's been four days in a row of waking up on time this is literally life-changing. And it's just cause my kid is a sleepyhead who needs someone to wake her up.
#-noelle#Idk why but it turns out this happens every morning and I just have to gently wake up my my kid so#Lkke actually this has been a consistent issues since we were a teenager this is WILD#Idk how to explain it but during the day I can switch in our out of front if I want to and it isn't too hard#But there have been a couple times where I have been conscious of someone else fronting and sleeping while I'm awake and#Taking front from them while they are sleeping is REALLY HARD#Idk why#But it turns out this happens literally every morning and I just have to gently wake my kid up and I'll probably never oversleep again this#Is literally life-changing. It relieves a stress that has been everpresent in our life since we were like twelve I think I'm gonna cry#did#osdd#did/osdd#actually plural#actually did
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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i would greatly appreciate if the ocd would stop expanding the limits/shrinking the parameters of my wardrobe so that i could stop having meltdowns about my outfits on a daily basis.
#brain things#ocd#it's like. if my brain decides an item is Nice then we can't wear it bc we'll mess it up and ruin it#we have to wait for a mythical Good Day in order to wear the Ideal Outfit.#god forbid i sweat cry need to pee or feel the slightest bit sick or uncomfortable while wearing a Good Item#then it will be Ruined Forever#this has been a thing for me since i was like. six.#i remember going into my closet and touching a dress i'd deemed Fancy and thinking ''wow so pretty sad i'll never get to wear u''#currently this also extends to if an outfit makes me feel Good about Gender or Myself then i can't wear it out#i'm AWARE it's crazy idk how to stop it i'll ask my therapist next time in the meanwhile i spend a solid 20 min every morning#trying on outfits i'm too scared to wear outside bc that's ''wrong'' somehow#(granted it IS mid-80s here and humid as fuck so lately wearing as little as possible has been the primary goal)#one of the times i saw myself in fiction was in bllb when#they think they've found glendower and gansey is So Upset bc the Vibes Are All Wrong and he's wearing a sweater he hates#i feel u gansey. that is me so often. or vice versa.#when i wear a good outfit and then the day fucking sucks...#somehow it feels like an extra kick in the ribs#like noooooo i was supposed to be invulnerable i wore the Good Shirt!!!
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sleepy time or something like that
#i hope i wake up at 3 am then at 5 am just to see that it is in fact *not* morning#i mean 5 am is almost morning#also pointedly not thinking about how i realized i don't understand human connection#like. at all#and it feels too late#because everyone around me has someone#and i'm just. there#and i'm so tired of thinking about this every day#but i'm lonely#but i don't like the people around me#and i feel the way i'm looked at#and i don't know of it's made up by my brain or not#can someone hold me maybe#like when you're little and your parent is supposed to hug you and validate your feelings and tell you that it's okay to cry#and that it will be alright#because it feels like it never will be anything close to alright#and i'm scared#and so so sad#and it's all stuck inside me#i'm sorry#this is just a tad pathetic
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God. I am about to plead the fucking 2nd. Bitches grab a rape victim at a bar for walking out with a cup 9f WATER. I yelled at him and he wouldn't letm3 go. You don't know who the fuck your messing with.
Imagine waiting your entire life for your Gerard Way I was Born for This Joan of Arc Twin Towers moment. You achieve it. Then a fucking rapist destroys your life and you'd rather kill yourself than degrad yourself by living on the same planet as a rapist. Not just a random rapist, but a very specific type of rapist that sits in a Hell more evil than fucking Hitler. Hitler is a safer space for me and there is no hope. Imagine dedicating your entire life to a Twin Towers moment. Then imagine fighting for your life just to get justice. Then, imagine climbing a battle against rape all the way to the top of the mountain, sacrificing your life, bloody and soul, just to loose 10 feet away from the top.
I swear and vow on my life. If I don't get justice, suicide is the only hope.
The horrific acts that have been given to me made sure that my life is worthless. I wouldn't be caught dead living on the same Earth as a rapist.
#ive lost 6+ jobs because im begging for help and no one will listen to me. i just want a fucking hug#you never know who cries themselves to sleep everynigjt and every morning#if i go to the hospital i loose my dream job and i will shoot up the fucking pentagon if i loose this job#yes i am physically safe happened a while ago#i have been running for 3+ years without rest healing or justice#i have a torn meniscus that healed improperly#i just want a hug. i just want someone to care about me and ask how im doing#i literally have an Honorary N Word Card and an Honorary Kill Card by Jesus Christ#nobody cares about me and im a fucking pity and evil for crying about rape#i cry 24/7 at work when i wake up and when i go to bed#im a grown ass adult and im acting like a “toddler” because i dont want to get raped#why is that so cruel of me to ask? how am i the bad evil guy?#im asking for it because im obsessed with horror movies and frerard#im asking for it by being naked in the streeta#im a VILLIFIED EVIL WICKED CRUEL INSANE AND WRONG BECAUSE I SAID NO TO RAPE AND EXCERCISED MY RIGHTS TO SAY NO#IM A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR HOPING THAT I COULD FIND A PERSON ROBIN WILLIAMS TO SAY ITS NOT YOUR FAULT#i just want to be alone. i want a hug. i want justice
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#will delete in the morning but.#it’s entering that season where i start to dread my upcoming birthday#thankfully i’m moved out so there won’t be any fuss#but i have. no one to spend it with.#thinking back to last year and just how much i hated my birthday#and like i am beginning my twenties. and that’s how im gonna start it. alone.#bc i have no friends and no boyfriend to spend it with.#last year i literally spent an hour crying alone in a seperate room from my family bc no one was talking to me and i couldn’t stand#listening to my sister speak as if i wasn’t even there#i just thought this year was going to go differently.#like i’m glad i moved and im overall grateful for where i ended up#but when i was moving i thought i was promised community.#and literally every prospect i’ve have of companionship has never actually#happened#and idk it’s been a long day a bad day at work and i just. wish my life was different#like truly i think the last time i had a birthday party was in the third grade#i wish i wasn’t like this.
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Took the day off to clean my room and now I have NO clothes
#i’ve filled three giant bags with clothes to donate or give to my friend or sell on vinted idk#there’s so MUCH. i didn’t realise how many of my clothes i flat out hated or that didn’t fit me anymore#working out is all fun and games until your weight distribution changes such that none of your pants will now stay up#i don’t own a SINGLE PAIR of jeans anymore. they’re all too big#the only thing i have in abundance now is socks. i have way too many pairs of socks#i have socks for every occasion. i’ve got ankle socks. trainer socks. thermal socks. crew socks. novelty socks. plain socks#i’ve got SOCKS#i am however going to have to live in leggings and sweats and t-shirts for the foreseeable#i have a handful of decent blouses and exactly one pair of formal trousers that more or less fit me#if you invite me somewhere nice i am going to either be dressed like a used car salesman or a preacher’s wife#because i only got rid of one of my dresses#also my vacuum clogged while trying to clean my floor and i started crying lol#it’s the haaaaair. i don’t know how it happens. i have literally had a bob the whole time i’ve had this vacuum#anyway my room is fairly clean now. i’m going to have an early dinner and take a bath#dentist appointment in the morning 🫠 and i’m genuinely so fucking annoyed about it#society has surpassed the need for me to be seeing this man every fucking month like PLEASE i BEG of you just put a better filling on it#just a permanent filling that doesn’t crumble into dust after TWO DAYS. that’s all i ask and i don’t think it’s FUCKING UNREASONABLE#I PAID £176 to get FUCKED UP IN THE BAD WAY#personal
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Well I finally told my manager ab how NewLady is making it a hostile work environment
Don't know if anything will come of it, but I've had enough. I nearly yelled at her today bc she was bitching again ab where RC put the pallet (one in side aisle and was gonna put some in center but I heard NL bitching that she "better not put those fucking pallets there" so I told RC to put them in front of kids bc I didn't mind) and she then pushed her cart and folding table to the edge of the main aisle to keep RC from being able to put her shit there (she was on the other end of the main aisle no where near there) and if she started bitching again I was going to say something like
"You need to knock it off. You don't own that aisle, I don't own this area, and NetflixCoworker doesn't own Ladies. We work as a team here at [job] so you need to learn how to share."
And she didn't say anything so I didn't say that, but as I was retelling RC this at 8am, I saw Bootleg up front so I just handed her my water bottle, said I'll meet you in the breakroom, and went up to him
He said they're probably not gonna be able to do much bc they can't write her up for attitude (um yes you fucking can) but he's gonna at least talk to LadyManager and see what NewLady had said when asked to do those 6 pallets sunday bc she's not one to just get pushed around so he wants to know what's up there. But anyway I said my peace, I didn't cry while doing it, and now every single one of us has reported her uncooperativeness to management. I've done what I could
#i was really suprised i didnt cry tbh bc usually i do when talking to management when angry#but i think it was better i said it alone and that it was me reporting it not RC bc they KNOW I dont start shit and i get along with ev#everybody so maybe that'll count for something idk#Anyway send vibes that she gets pulled out of clothing or quits lmao like really please do#marquilla#every morning before i go to work i pray and for like a solid year ive been praying that we wont get in any arguments or fights#ESPECIALLY with newlady and that newlady behaves herself. like thats how much she bothers me#anyways we'll see all i can do is hope i guess
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#it is 5 hrs past my bedtime and i am awake listening to Two Hearts by Dermot Kennedy on loop and crying over Rotating Shifts. again.#i couldn’t resist the urge to read the latest chapter any longer but i knew when i did i’d get like this#so Why did i wait for my period to roll around. i have made. a silly decision lmaooo#i’ve complained abt it before but i’m conflicted about how much more sensitive it makes me#my nightmares usually don’t make me cry but oh i was a Wreck this morning#so why i picked tonight to read the fic that always makes me cry is beyond me#i have never met a fic before that had me in such an intense emotional grip#and it’s fucking hilarious bc it’s not that intense of a story!! like yeah there’s been devastating parts but i’m out here having to-#-take a break every single chapter bc i’ll read one line that hits my inner child like a truck and i have to take a minute to recover#but the whiplash this fic gives me is so fucking funny and the range in the storytelling from comedy to tragedy is just.. *scream-cries*#it has my favorite characterization of Sun and Moon that i have ever seen#this chapter wasn’t even that sad i’m just Making myself sad about it#but on another level it also makes me sad in the sense that i don’t think i’ll ever be able to write something that good..#all that i want out of my writing endeavors is to make one (1) person feel as strongly and as much as RS makes me feel#and i don’t know if i can do that. i don’t know if my writing has what it takes bc i can’t even describe exactly what it is#i don’t think it’s a science that can be replicated. things either connect with someone or they don’t#the way Sun goes from worryingly innocent ‘wdym we can’t invite strangers to live with us?’ ‘wdym we can’t adopt an adult that needs help?’#to fucking. tearing an animatronic in half in a fit of protective rage and blocking access to all dating apps to prevent you from-#-finding anyone else bc he’s your Special Friend and he can’t have his Daydream falling for anyone else!! no no!!#it’s not a new concept but i eat it tf up when Sun is actually the one you should fear the most#like no i don’t think he’d hurt Reader but i dread to think of the things he would do For them#the back and forth between childlike innocence and terrifying intelligence possessiveness and physical capability is just mmmmm 100/10#and don’t even get me started on Moon. or i Will start crying again#he’s like yeah dumbass of course i’m gonna save you every time some POS man tries to **** you. of course i will you fucking crater-head#but i will complain at you about it the Entire way home and then i will steal your fucking toilet paper and pack you a raw egg for lunch#because i hate you 🖤 but Sun loves you and we would both kill for you 🖤 also i drank all of your chocolate milk 🖤 also i hate you :)#anyways i am paraphrasing obviously and dear god i hope no one who actually reads RS sees this bc i do not want my 2am ramblings taken as-#-any kind of Official Thoughtful Analysis of the story ok pls pls pls let me be insane abt my favorite fic without having to be articulate#i just have so many fucking FEELINGS about them. i am unwell.#i’m not even tagging this i’m just hitting post and going to sleep goodnight
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