#how to not cry every morning
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kevindavidday · 1 year ago
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fuck you mean u were reading how-to books neil
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mintypsii · 4 months ago
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as promised... here's the sanuso wall from my strawpage!!!! i cherish all of these so much aagghhh they're all so lovely thank you to everyone who sent something in 😭💖💖
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unriding · 1 day ago
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hi evie !! how have you been ? :33 i hope you dont mind me borrowing you and moze for something ehehe <3
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#🐦‍⬛🐕 .#彡 nick!#彡 inbox.#evie.ss#omg good morning nick! my stomach literally twisted and flipped seeing this /pos /POS /the most positive gut wrenching feeling in existence#NICK AND THE REASON WAS ? WHY DO U NOT HAVE A KOFI LINK WHERE IS IT …. THIS ISNT OK I NEED TO FIND IT???? U CANNOT BE … BE …. BE UM … YOU K#I NEED TO 😭😭😭 I NEED ….. IS IT OBVIOUSLY IM CRYING WRITING THINSSJSJSN /pos /ULTRA POS THIS IS SO CUTE UR ART IS SOOOO AWESME IM SO IN AWE😭#typos: obvious* <- & barrier* -> amazing work evie#i broke the sound banner with the screech i made seeing this …. YOU … YOU DREW ME … THE EXACT WAY ….. I .. ITS SO SPOT ON I ????? I … IM#FLABBERGASTED . SHELL SHOCKED . GOBSMACKED IM SO OBSESSED WITH HOW U DID MY HAIR …. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I DO MY HAID … AND THE CURLS ARE LI#LIKE THAT… IM SO OBSESSED WITH UR STYLE JSJSJJD HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID IT???? UR STYLE IS MMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! 1000/1000!!!!!! in specif#the colors … the colors are gorgeous and sooo nice to gaze at … the little wings … HOW DID YOU KNOW I LIKE- IM SO . (hugs knees and cries#YOU DREW THAT DRESS AWESOME-LY …. IM GENUINELY LOSING MY MIND AND I HAVENG EVEN .. looked at *him* ….. nick …. im complimenting it and i#can’t even see rn HEJSJCKCNITS BLURRY 😭😭 my head hurts so bad from sobbing but ive never been happier /pos IM SO ???? I LOVE HOW U DREW ME#i went to go triple check for the kofilink and found myself browsing through puppetgear tag once again u^u JENDNDKXJ oh my god . PLEASEEEEE#ok…. moze … he’s … so tiny .. he’s so cute … he looks so grumpy :’) /pos AND YOU .. u captured his squishable look omg….. he’s so teeny he’#literally as big as a fingernail on my phone im :’) HES POCKET SIZED I CANT BELIEVE U DID THIS /pos /ETERNALLY GRATEFUL#WHY 😭😭😭😭😭 YOURE SO KIND IM SO . IM SITTING ON THE FLOOR OF MY ROOM SNIFFLING AND HICCUPING AHENDNJXKC AND STARING AT THIS OF COUESE#i just saw the ask 😭 i definitely don’t mind im literally on my hands and knees to thank you and it’s still not enough JSNSNDNMC i have to#dig a dent in the hole and bow inside the hole …… it’s not enough … i genuinely love every square inch of this JSNDNXN i just adore … how u#did me … how u did moze (so— everything) even the circle in the background is a color that i adore 😞😞 sniffle …..#what a treat to see moze in ur style 😭😭 what a HUGE . Nice . AMAZING. TREAT . he looks so good in ur style UGH I WANNA FLOAT AWAY#the physical reaction i had in my stomach & head is unmatched /pos …. it’s vaguely similar to when u get called on in class while nervous .#and ur stomach flips .. but in a positive / EVSTATIC / insanely happy way … thank you so much omfg (link?) (please?) you are so kind ….#i don’t even know how to convey my gratefulness so im resorting to crying-staring-crying-staring-crying#(cries)#oh i never answered ur question haha :’) yea im great! :’) and you? :’)#im gonna put this in queue >/////< URK IM SO …. THANK U NICK ))))))):::: (link perhap?)#edit: OHHHH I SEE HOW U DID MY HAIR COLOR!!!!! that is so cool hello? it’s black- but not? and it fits so perfectly!!!! THAT IS SOO COOL WJ#NO WONDER I WAS ADMIRING THE COLORS EARLIER THIS IS SUCH A COOL THING (nonartist tries to explain how neat something is) NSNDNXKK
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phoenixcatch7 · 4 months ago
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Kinda surprised no one's written a fic (to my knowledge at least) where wild joins the chain and, with immense joy and some tears, mistakes wolfie for his wolfie. The whole chain (apart from time, who is bewildered but amused) fully thinks wolfie is simply wilds quest companion. That's not a weird helpful wolf, it's not a wandering spiritual beast, it's got nothing to do with twilight. It's wilds pet. Those who lost their own companions are a bit jealous.
Twilight has absolutely no idea how or why or what to do about it, but wolfie is apparently excellent for wilds mental and physical health, and he's so genuinely happy to see him each time he feels awful at the thought of depriving him and making wild feel abandoned.
The whole team is noticing the fact that twilight always vanishes when wolfie appears, but they're drawing the wrong conclusions (or are they? Twilight is hardly the only one to transform, and he is wearing a wolf pelt of all things). Wild wants to introduce twilight to wolfie.
And then, on a trip to wilds hyrule, suddenly there's two wolfies.
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spaghett-onaplate · 6 months ago
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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phagodyke · 1 month ago
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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reflectionsofgalaxies · 4 months ago
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posting selfies because it’s been a hot minute since i showed my face on here and i have short(er) hair now! 🍄
this was at a folk music festival on the weekend that i’ve been going to with my family since before i was a year old. i got to take a new friend this year and it was so wonderful. a beautiful day with beautiful music, art, and people.
this festival is a much smaller one and has struggled in recent years to stay afloat, it runs at a deficit essentially, and is kept going by the community and dedicated volunteers for whom it is a labour of love. i love to see the effort put in to make it a safe, welcoming, accepting atmosphere to celebrate talented (mostly local) artists. 🎶
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izzy-b-hands · 4 days ago
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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okirk · 12 days ago
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theflyingfeeling · 6 months ago
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷‍♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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atowncalledher · 7 months ago
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Oh my GOD
I fucking figured it out. My entire life I've had a horrible time trying to wake up on time in the morning. I've always slept through alarms or snoozed them too many times or whatever. When I was in highschool I chalked it up to not getting enough sleep, but then I became an adult and did start getting enough sleep most of the time and I still had the same issues. I have been late to work almost every single day because of this and it's been a huge source of stress throughout my life.
And it think I just solved it.
It's because our little unconsciously fronts when we sleep, and I have to wake her up too. It's been four days in a row of waking up on time this is literally life-changing. And it's just cause my kid is a sleepyhead who needs someone to wake her up.
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saeshiraw · 1 year ago
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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running-in-the-dark · 14 days ago
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I've got a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. mostly to discuss if the new sleep medication is working. it is.. not? I don't know. it sorta makes me stay asleep better but tbh that only really means it's even more impossible to wake up when I need to.
idk at this point I'm getting close to just saying you know what? thank you for trying to help, mr. nice old psychiatrist guy, but let's just give up! who needs sleep anyway (me, like 12-16 hours a day). I'm just not gonna do it anymore! that sounds more doable than ever figuring out how to sleep normally!!
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fandom-blackhole · 18 days ago
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the-everqueen · 1 month ago
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i would greatly appreciate if the ocd would stop expanding the limits/shrinking the parameters of my wardrobe so that i could stop having meltdowns about my outfits on a daily basis.
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bubacorn · 9 months ago
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sleepy time or something like that
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