#how to keep your or someone else’s body as sanitized and not weird as possible

[letteredlettered]

How to write smut?

The first rule of writing smut is don’t write smut.

Not unless you want to.

When I ask most fic writers why they're writing smut, the answer is almost always, "So people will read my fic." This is the wrong reason to write smut. The idea that people won't read your fic if there's not smut in it is a lie. IT'S A LIE.

People will read your fic even if it doesn't have smut in it if it has something that interests them. If your fic interests you, trust that it will interest someone else for the reasons you find it interesting--don't stick in a shiny object that doesn't even belong there just for the benefit of others. Some of my most popular fics don't have smut in them. One of them doesn't even have kissing. Do I get shitty comments about that? Yes. Do I get shitty comments on fics that do have smut? Yes. You get shitty comments no matter what.

But okay, it's true that more people might see your fic if it has smut in it. That is because there are people who go looking for smut and only want fic with smut. Why do you want them to read your fic? In a societal sense, I understand this as a motivation. People like to be paid attention. In a personal sense, I don't understand it at all. You want your thing, that you made, to be read. So why add a thing that you don't like, that you don't care about, so that people will pay attention? When you do that, are you getting praise for some aspect of yourself and who you are, or are you getting praise for doing what everyone else wanted? What is that praise worth, if they're not praising you?

Look, I understand how hard it is to have no kudos, no comments. I understand what it's like to not know anyone in fandom and feel like everything you do is ignored. But what you need to do in those situations is to work on getting a beta, people who can advise you; you need to work on advertising and getting to know people and putting your fic in places where it can be seen. And if then people still don't like your fic, you also need to realize that maybe not everyone will love your story--but I guarantee you if you really work at it to make something you deeply love and care about it, other people will care too, and it will be that much more fulfilling because they care about what you care about.

If the plot, themes, arcs, or development in your story require smut, usually you can easily skip smut if you don’t want to write it. I hate writing descriptions. Most people say that good writing requires descriptions. You know what, fuck them. I’m going to get away with describing as little as possible, and when I do describe things it’s going to be the way I want to do it.

The next rule of writing smut is don’t write good smut.

Write the smut that gets you hot.

Do people come to this tumblr and ask me about writing smut because they think I'm good at it? I'm very flattered if that's the case. Keep in mind that at least fully half, probably more, think I'm terrible at it.

That's because people have different tastes, and when it comes to food and sex, that taste is even more wildly baseless than all the other preferences humans have. I hate berries, fish, and potatoes. Why? I have no idea. Similarly, some girls only like to have sex with girls. What the fuck? Some people only get off when there are feet involved. Some people will literally get off fucking anything that's warm and wet. Is that a problem? Is that wrong? Is that weird? We've accepted that everyone has unique sexual preferences, and yet tumblr dot com still thinks there's a right way to write sex? (I don't mean you, anon. Your question is great, and is allowing me to rant about something that apparently really drives me absolutely bananas.)

Most of the smut I read on AO3 is trying so hard to be good smut that it's boring. Either it's trying to be poetic, or it's trying to elegantly write around all the nastiness that makes sex hot; it's describing what bodies are doing and people are feeling while using the words you would use to describe a sunset. Literally no one got wet writing that; they were too consumed by making sure it sounded good and hit all the notes just perfectly to ascend into a perfectly sanitized orgasm. Do you know where I go for good smut? Bad!fic.

The trick is to stop writing smut that pleases other people. Write smut that pleases yourself. At least someone will be getting off, and honestly, if you are pleasing my particular id, I just want people to be hot and happy. If you wrote something that got you hot and happy, even if it squicks me, I'll probably still have more respect for it than something you wrote so you could get your smut Pulitzer, or whatever.

Oh my God there is just years of frustration coming out in this post over never finding any good smut to read. Like, maybe this very tame, very sanitized stuff is what other people actually find hot, which--good for you. There's a lot of stuff out there for you.

But I want to read filthy things that use filthy words. I want it to be really nasty. I want you to reach into your brain and wrap your fist around your wriggling, writhing id; I want you to yank it out and nail it, still pulsating, into a Word document; I want it, still dripping, smeared all over the face of AO3.

Is that hard to do? Yes. Desire is a living thing; it doesn’t like to be pinned down; as soon as you try to grasp it it will slither out of your hands like a wet eel and turn into a quivering jellyfish and you’ll be saying to yourself, what the hell? I only like eels; I’ve never been into jellyfish, and you will not understand yourself. You will not know yourself. You will not recognize this organic morass of convulsing mess that is your libido.

Will it embarrass you? Also yes. Is it worth it? Yes. Yes, yes yes, you will feel so hot; your fic will be so hot, and everyone will go home so fucking satisfied, believe me.

[msmoonfire]

How to prep for MABON ‘20 -COVID19 edition

Hey my fellow witches! This year we have to rearrange our Mabon fest according to all the covid19 restrictions. 

I’m going to share some tips and ideas to inspire you guys to prep for this holiday & celebrate in total safety. ♥️ 

First let me tell ya what Google says for us in the Northern hemisphere:

Mabon 2020 will begin on Monday, September 21  and ends on Tuesday, September 29.

Keep in mind that the most important days are Sep 21-23. Witches in the Southern hemisphere will celebrate around March 19-22 & bookmark this post to prep at their best;)) 

SO, let’s start this journey with the right foot IN ADVANCE.  All the late witches out there yeah you heard me: IN ADVANCE. Make yourself ready BEFOREHAND. We’re going thru this together.

1. Thinking of a party? MAKE SURE WHOEVER IS CELEBRATING WITH YOU (except for close people you’ve always shared the same roof with) TESTS NEGATIVE FOR CORONAVIRUS. Force them to get tested, ESPECIALLY IF THEY WERE ON VACATION. No tests, no invitations. Be firm on this point.  > anti-covid tip: always sanitize your hands and go get tested yourself first!

***I highly recommend to spend most of this sacred time all by yourself to minimize the risk of contracting the virus. We will party together once a good vaccine or an effective cure is out and globally accessible... Let’s wait😉

2. If you have a garden, and had planted some herbs/fruit/veggies before, go pick the results of the 2nd harvest and use them to cook delicious foods during Mabon! (Lammas is the 1st harvest, yep) > anti-covid tip: gardening is an outdoor hobby that allows you to keep social distancing & breathe fresh air 

3. An Equinox is "equal”: re-establish balance in general. I’m talking about your overall ph, diet, work, feelings, home, social life... Don’t stress over useless activities, limit vices & excess, avoid fights, don’t hustle, don’t splurge, don’t push yourself in the gym, don’t let your home/room look like a junkyard, take good care of yourself, only be there for people who love you... Take this time of the year as a moment to re-gain harmony and equilibrium in all comfort. > anti-covid tip: reducing stress levels can improve your immune system

4. Apples are in season, so be creative with em! Use apples for multiple purposes, even for decorating your altar if you will. Snack on them, offer them, cook them, collect their seeds, whatever comes to your mind... > anti-covid tip: rinse your apples thoroughly, never share your apple while eating one + a healthy diet feat. apples can boost your immune system

5. Work with the element of EARTH. Here comes the spellwork my lovelies... Connect with your crystals, use herbs in your rituals, offer food, sit on the ground if you can, be out in nature, curate your garden, learn to cook, position your altar (or anything else) to the South (*Southern hemi: to the North), enhance your natural beauty, seek beauty in the simple things etc... > anti-covid tip: spending time away from the crowds does actually reduce the chances of getting infected

6. Stay hydrated, drink your water & treat yourself. Drink vegetable milk or tea to pamper yourself a little more than usual whenever you have a break (or a cozy spa night at home). I’m very into herbal teas and lemon/apple water atm, not the spicy ones tho (save them for Samhain & winter!). If you’re fully allowed to drink alcohol, sip a glass of Rosé (loads of good Pinot Noir rosé are out this season, but any rosé will do), Portuguese Tinto, or maybe Pinot Gris. As for beer, just stick to the one that you prefer or try lighter ones! *remember balance is key, drink responsibly or not at all* > anti-covid tip: never share your glass while drinking your beverages, make sure glasses & bottles are sanitized and clean

7. Get comfy within your body: love your figure, feel yourself, train your 5 senses, stretch a lot/practice yoga, look at yourself in the mirror, take selfies or photos of beautiful details, touch/massage yourself, take care of your hair, groom, apply body lotion and enjoy your earthly beauty. Mabon wants you to look bomb hun! > anti-covid tip: getting familiar with your own body can help you recognize any weird symptoms easily, as well as the smallest changes in your system... Be friendly to your body and it will thank you in so many ways later on!

8. Use a big jar to save money. A little sum everyday. Open the jar only after the sabbat of Samhain. Trust me, this month is crucial for saving money. Autumn is coming and we must prepare for all those transitional, unplanned expenses that we will have to face during the colder months. Remember to look at the jar everyday and speak some words of gratitude. Working with money, food and tangible stuff of any sort are also activities that are related to the element of Earth.  > anti-covid tip: always wash your hands after handling money

9. ALWAYS PRIORITIZE YOUR SAFETY WITHOUT FEELING STUPID OR PARANOID. This way you’ll end up saving someone else’s life, believe it or not. Leave the d16Kheads say whatever they want to say & be strong. Clean your disposable/reusable mask with disinfectant, make sure you never forget it and please stay safe... but try to minimize the waste. Avoid crowded places as much as possible, prefer open venues with plenty of room for maintaining social distancing, avoid peak hours in shops/malls/supermarket/whatever, carry hand sanitizer with you, keep your distance especially from people who might show evident covid symptoms and remember to be kind to people! Oh and SMILE a lot: your mouth is hidden but your sweet eyes are OUT! 😉

Hope this post was helpful for all of you lovelies,

xox msmoonfire

[jasthelazyelf]

All the Obey me! boys discovering MC has kosmemophobia

Turns out I really have to write overly specific scenarios myself, so here I am. This was my first time writing headcanons, it’s more difficult than it looks like, but I managed! It also turned out way longer than I thought it’d be.

Kosmemophobia: a “fear” of jewelry. People with kosmemophobia will either not wear any jewelry at all, or may be comfortable with wearing non-metallic jewelry. Touching or being touched by jewelry makes these people feel somehow dirty (even though we know majority of jewelry is sanitized), uncomfortable, and will make people want to wash that part of their body it touched. People (dare I say mostly afab) usually notice it early on in their childhood. It is not known what makes people kosmemophobic atm, considering people have it since early childhood.

If you have further questions about it, feel welcome to ask. :)

Total word count: 4800-ish 

Gender of MC is not mentioned

Slight season 2 spoiler alert in Simeon’s part

Warning for verbally abusive parents in Belphie’s part

You have been warned.

Lucifer

He wanted to make the shopping trip enjoyable for the both of you, but especially for you

 He just wanted to take you on a date somewhere where his brothers wouldn’t constantly interfere, even if it was only for a few hours

You two were just window shopping at the mall when Lucifer decided to take you into one of the stores

 It was a store with magical items, from stones to a number of different trinkets, including jewelry

Somehow this was the part he was most interested in in the whole shop

Watching him look over it, especially necklaces made you feel uncomfortable and you had a feeling you knew where this was going

With what little hope you had, you subtly tried to nudge him away, but he wouldn’t budge

He finally took one of the necklaces out of the display and turned towards you

"What do you think? Wouldn’t it suit you?“

en he saw your eyes widen and you taking a step back, a shiver running down your spine, he was taken aback. Did he do something?

"Is something wrong? You don’t like it? It’s fine to just say so.“

 Oh well, you would have to tell him one day, right?

"N-no, that’s not exactly it, it’s just that just the thought of wearing jewelry or even touching it is making me uncomfortable. I know it’s weird, but please don’t make me do this…“

Well this he did not expect at all. He put the necklace back and putting one hand around you, he turned you around and moved to a part of the shop with crystals and rocks of all different colours instead

 "I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Let’s look over something else.“

You smiled at him and nodded. You had him curious about this fear of yours, he might have asked later on to give you more details on it.

Whether you are comfortable with sharing information about this with him or not, he respects your fear and does his best not to make you uncomfortable in the future

Mammon

-          Chaotic snuggle boy was all about protecting you and also hugging you, especially when in private where none of his brothers could see

-          It dawned on him pretty quickly that something about you was strange when you sometimes flinched every time he touched your skin

-          It wasn’t every time, and he just couldn’t understand the pattern

-          One day he had had enough, he just couldn’t wrap his head around it, it was driving him absolutely crazy

-          He finally mustered enough courage to ask you

-          "Oi, human, what is it with ya flinchin‘ when I touch ya?“

-          Damn… he noticed after all. You were trying to hide your phobia as much as you could, but you couldn’t help yourself. Well, better come up with the truth now

-          "Hah, w-well it’s not you, I swear. It’s gonna sound weird, but it’s your rings. The feel of them on my skin feels… uncomfortable.“

-          You tried to explain the feeling as best as you could, mostly how touching jewelry just makes you… want to wash your hands and the feeling appears also on other parts on your body

-          First he blinked in surprise, but listened to your explanation

-          Suddenly it all made sense. He only wore his rings on his right hand. You only flinched when he touched your skin with his right hand. How could he not notice this detail sooner?

-          Well, now he knows. He asks you if you’d rather he didn’t wear them near you.

-          If you say you’re going to hopefully get used to it over time, he will keep wearing them, but sometimes takes them off on his own

-          If you state that you’d rather not have to touch them, he will keep in mind to take them off before going for snuggles

-          Doesn’t really think much about it afterwards, he just takes it as a fact

Leviathan

-          Your birthday was getting closer and Leviathan wanted to get you a gift, but didn’t have many ideas

-          So he decided to invite you over to his room to watch some anime and play games, so that he could subtly take the conversation where he wanted and get an idea of what you might be interested in

-          When watching anime, he saw that you really liked the main character

-          Well what a coincidence! He totally imagined you cosplaying the main character and him cosplaying the character’s best friend. Duo cosplays are always the best!

-          "Oh! I once saw a set of their pendants and bracelets as a set on Akuzon! Wouldn’t it be a nice beginning of another cosplay?“

-          Your face completely changed its expression and you tensed when he mentioned it

-          This, of course, didn’t go unnoticed. Was he wrong all along? Did he assume wrongly that you liked the character? Do you actually not like the character at all?

-          Panic intensifies

-          "Oh no, I am sorry, if you don’t like the character, maybe we can cosplay another duo? Forget I said anything about it-“

-          "Levi… calm down, it’s not that I don’t like the character. It’s just the jewelry I am uncomfortable with.“

-          Oh

-          OH

-          Just like- nevermind, even though he probably watched the majority of anime in existence, he couldn’t remember a character who’s trait this would be

-          You tell him it’s okay, it’s a very rare phobia and not even that known

-          May ask a few questions about it and if there is a loophole for it

-          Either way, the idea of getting you jewelry gets thrown out of the window

-          For you birthday, he gets you and him matching hoodies

-          They‘re so soft

Satan

-          That day, Satan invited you on a date to his favourite bookstore

-          You were totally up for it, who knows, maybe you’d find something really interesting

-          Or something that is SO stupid that you just wouldn’t be able to not get it (Yes, I have one such book, I love/hate it so much)

-          He decided to také you to a bookstore you haven’t been to yet. Yay, more adventure! New store layout! So many possibilities!

-          You were browsing through bookshelves, Satan sometimes told about a few books he has in his own room that this bookstore also had

-          Suddenly he spotted someone and got rather excited

-          It turns out it was one of his aquintances and he wanted to introduce them to you. It was an elegant demon, by the looks of it quite rich

-          You were soon told they were one of the best selling authors of the Devildom, with a rather original, but easy to read writing style, which was probably how they got so famous

-          They wanted to shake your hand as a sign of politeness

-          When you saw the massive rings and bracelets on their hand, you gulped and widened your eyes

-          You didn’t want to be impolite, though, so you decided to shake their hand anyway

-          You couldn’t get the feeling of metal out of your hand and you wanted to go to the restroom to wash your hands real quick

-          Satan noticed you were getting tense as you tried to subtly rub your hand with your other hand and ended the conversation smoothly and took you aside

-          "Is there something wrong? Did they hurt you? You can ask for an apology if they did.“

-          You had to smile at this assumption. It warmed your heart to know Satan cared about you

-          "No, it’s just… have you seen all that jewelry? I am not saying they shouldn’t wear it, it’s their choice, but for me that was a living nightmare.“

-          Well he was glad they didn’t hurt you in any way. He was a bit surprised by your explanation and truth be told, he got very curious

-          After you quickly wash your your hands in the nearby restroom, he wants to know more about your phobia.

-          How long do you have it? How much does it affect your life? How did you find the right term? Do you personally know other people with this condition?

-          And so many more. Feel free to tell him there have already been too many questions answered and that you could continue another day in this interview. He’s already thrilled.

Asmodeus

-          You both planned the perfect spa day together

-          After all, who’d know more how to make you completely relaxed, if not Asmo?

-          You end up having lots of fun and you feel SO GOOD and relaxed after you’re all done

-          You hair has never been so very well taken care of, no matter you lenght or type, he probably gives you some useful advice you’ve never heard of yourself, bt it seems to be working, so why not?

-          And your skin is finally properly moisturized

-          All right, what now? Asmo doesn’t want this moment to end yet, he loves hanging out with you and you still had time

-          You end up visiting Majolish and trying on different clothes, even if it’s just for fun. Asmo loves picking out clothes for you and he really does have a good eye for what would suit you

-          You ended up putting on your 20th outfit. Asmo looked at you and thought for a bit. Something was missing.

-          Yes, sure, the outfit was nice and all, but it was missing something… but what?

-          He suddenly got an idea. He ran off for a bit and soon returned with something in his hands

-          When he got cloce to you again, you realized it was a set of small thin elegant bracelet and a metallic necklace to go with it

-          Your blood froze and you started to back away slowly, putting your arms up in defense and shaking your head

-          "What’s wrong? Do you think it’s too much? Maybe even too little?“

-          Before he could run off again for something different that could be to your taste, you quickly stopped him before he could do so

-          "No, wait, the jewelry… is pretty and you’re right it would go well with this outfit. But I am not willing to wear any jewelry. At all. It’s a very rare phobia and I can’t do much with it.“

-          You were surprised this hasn’t come up sooner, but oh well, it happened now

-          Asmo looked a bit disappointed at first, but upon hearing it’s a phobia, his expression softened and he gave you a little smile

-          "O-oh! All right, back this goes, then! The outfit looks good even without it, I just thought it would be a nice touch, that’s all!“

-          You smiled and nodded in acknowledgment

-          He would definitely question you later if it bothered you on others as well and how much. He’ll make a note to himself to wear as little jewelry as possible when spending time with you, depending what you’re comfortable with

Beelzebub

-          You were just meeting everyone in the human world for the first time

-          You were so excited, you had no idea you would ring the bell and Asmo would open the door

-          Everyone started greeting their favourite human like they haven’t seen you in years, when it’s probably been just a few weeks at most

-          These babies

-          Beel wasn’t home at the time, so you decided to surprise him and wanted to make his favourite human world food

-          Luckily, they already had enough ingrediants in the kitchen, so you didn’t have to go shopping as the first thing you’d do

-          Just as you finished, Beel came home. He got very excited to see you again

-          He took off his jacket and- oh no

-          He wanted to hug you, as was his habit even when in the Devildom, but upon seeing that heavy necklace, you had to move up your hands in defence

-          He got confused. Did he sweat too much and stinks now? Did you not like him anymore for whatever reason?

-          The biggest baby made confused puppy eyes, he just wanted to greet you

-          „Ah, I am sorry, could you please take the necklace off? Jewelry and especially jewelry like that makes me uncomfortable when I touch it.“

-          He sighed in relief. You didn’t hate him after all.

-          He quickly ran off, presumably to his room and came back in a minute, now without the chain necklace

-          You smiled happily and opened your arms, an invitation for him to hug and greet you

-          And he sure did!

-          He was just happy he could hug you again without you feeling uneasy about the situation

-          Doesn’t really ask anything else, just in case you’re not okay with talking about it, but he keeps that fact in mind and is now rarely seen with the chain on

Belphegor

-          You were once more taking a nap together. It became a pleasurable habit of yours to join Belphie. After all, you didn’t have to do anything and got some sweet sweet cuddles. What could be better?

-          Well, you finally managed to fall asleep

-          And Belphie got curious about your dreams, so he decided to visit your dream for once.

-          He was really there just to observe, he didn’t want to interfere with anything

-          He wondered what you’d dream about

-          Was it something really sweet? Would you go on an adventure to find the root of youth? Would you be enjoying a swim in a pool? Maybe you’d meet your friends from the human world

-          The posibilities were endless

-          What he didn’t count with, though, was the possibility of you having a nightmare

-          You seemed to be having a fight with two older humans. Maybe they were your parents?

-          You tried to persuade them not to make you wear the massive necklace the woman was holding

-          They had absolutely none of it

-          "Please, just don’t make me wear it. It’s not like it’s mandatory, nothing will really happen if I don’t put it on!“

-          „Nonsense! You need to! We chose this for you before you were even born, how dare you not want to wear it!“

-          "This youth, I swear, what is it that you want?! That it’s not made of silver?! OF GOLD?! Huh? Is that it? Are you really that spoiled?!“

-          "You don’t understand, I wouldn’t wear it even if it was made of the rarest metal ever! Why is it so difficult to understand it!“

-          Belphie was taken aback. He had no idea you were dealing with a struggle like that. When he thought about it, he realized you never wore any jewelry to anything, you always kept it simple with fabric patterns

-          He wondered if this dream was inspired by real life events

-          Why couldn’t some humans understand the boundaries of others was a hard thing for him to grasp

-          He decided to leave the dream and wake up for a bit. He felt you shivering and when he raised his head, he saw a pair of tears running down your cheeks

-          He hugged you tighter and fell asleep again, joining you in your dream

-          You were now alone, angry and upset at your parents

-          He came up to you and started to calm you down. You appreciated it. He couldn’t deny his curiousity and asked about the situation

-          Truns out talking about it helped you calm down more than anything and he spent the rest of the dream with you

Diavolo

-          Diavolo invited you over to hang out

-          He normally doesn’t have much time off, but since he took a liking to you, he managed to persuade Barbatos to give him more free time to be with you

-          Or he just straight up slacks from his work, he doesn’t really care

-          After sitting in the garden for a while and just catching up with each other, you suggested making anouther castle tour

-          Seriously, the castle is huge, you couldn’t fully enjoy it in a day or two, it took a while

-          He hapilly obliged, he knew the whole castle like the back of his hand

-          And there were so many stories connected to different parts of the castle

-          You loved listening to these stories, it was almost like a proffesional castle tour

-          Private, and for free and told by the actual owner

-          By now you at least vaguely remembered some of the more important royals except for Dia, Barbatos and the brothers. Maybe not in detail, but you can at least say you’ve already heard the name before

-          Today he decided to show you the treasury. You were curious what you’d see and if it also held some interesting stories to be told

-          Once the guards let you inside, you found yourself in a huge room with display boxes. Some of them were open

-          Inside the boxes was… jewelry. All different kinds, sizes and colours. You started to look over them

-          You admired the pieces for the fine craftmanship, you really did. Some of them were beautiful and breathtaking

-          Dia saw your awe and wanted you to experience as much as you can

-          "If you want, you can try some of them on, it’s okay.“ He beamed happily

-          You had to laugh a little. You got a bit nervous, but decided to calmly deny his proposition

-          "Don’t get me wrong, there are some beautiful pieces. The composition of some looks really nice! Some look so mild, yet they still say royalty. It’s almost as if it were engraved on them. But I am happy to just admire from aback, wearing jewelry makes my skin crawl. It’s something I’ve been dealing with my whole life.“

-          He nods

-          "That’s perfectly fine, too. I wouldn’t want to make you upset.“

-          He wonders if it is perhaps a common human thing and when you explain it’s extremely rare, he gets excited because he gets to experience something through you that is not common.

-          The rarity of this phobia makes him curious, so he may have some questions, but not as many as Satan

Barbatos

-          OH HE FINALLY GOT A DAY OFF

-          He needed it. He wouldn’t have ever admitted it, but he got slightly clumsier that day, which didn’t go without Diavolo noticing

-          He protested at first, but had to accept his fate anyway, because Diavolo insisted he take the day off

-          You wanted to spend the day in the mall and visit different shops to observe the differences between the Devildom and the Human world

-          You were supposed to write an essay about differences between these two worlds for the Human studies 101 subject

-          Why you had to take THAT class was completely unknown to you, but you attended anyway. I mean come on, those were some easy grades for you, since you were brought up there

-          And so Barbatos joined you on your adventure through the mall

-          Although there were some differences, most of the shops were similar to what you knew

-          Restaurants, cafés, boutiques, wine bars, adult toys stores, book stores, you name it

-          What you didn’t have in the human world was obviously magic tool stores, potion stores and potion igredients stores

-          Barbatos seemed to really enjoy talking about some of the peculiar potions that caught your eye, be it for their vibrant colours or the fact that some seemes to have sparkles in them

-          At last, you managed to come by goldsmith’s. When you saw this shop, you acted like you didn’t and went on your way to a tea house Barbatos suggested visiting after your tour

-          This surprised barbatos, since you spent some time at least writing the name of the shop down to make a note of it, but you weren’t even acknowledging the existence of this one store in particular

-          Once you both got yor tea in the tea house, he couldn’t help but ask why you just did that

-          "Oh, me and jewelry are old enemies. I don’t like wearing or even touching it, I just always want to wash my hands afterwards. I guess it’s sort of like your relationship with rats.“

-          When you mentioned rats, a shiver ran down his spine and immediately understood what you meant. He just took it as a part of you, the person he adored so much and didn’t qestion it any longer

-          He just suggested if you ever needed to vent, he’d be there for you

Solomon

-          You two made plans to bond together in his room in Purgatory Hall after school to let off some steam and vent to each other like human to human

-          This became a semi weekly tradition for you two, you both enjoyed it and you were glad you could relate to another human being

-          You were also staying for dinner that day, luckily for everyone, it was Simeon’s turn to cook

-          Don’t think he didn’t try to swap with him just so he could "impress“ you, though, he totally did

-          You were glad Simeon didn’t budge

-          After eating your meal, you both just flopped onto the couch and just decided to relax a bit

-          In silence

-          He enjoyed these silent moments, the joy of doing nothing together

-          You two soon drifted off to sleep on the couch, so when Simeon was about to tell you it was time to get you back to the House of Lamentation, and found you two asleep next to each other like that, he let Lucifer know you’d be staying the night with them

-          When you woke up and checked your D.D.D. you  almost jumped out of your skin, but then saw the message from Lucifer knowing about your situation through Simeon

-          You decided to scroll through social media, while Solomon was still sleeping

-          He soon woke up when he heard you looking through memes and trying not to laugh. You were failing miserably, though

-          Oh well, what’s done is done, now he is watching you scroll and when you find something funny, you both laugh, but not too loud, to not wake up Luke. It was around 11PM after all

-          Whenever you scrolled past an ad that was advertising jewelry, Solomon noticed you were furrowing your brows every time you found one

-          What’s more, you even hid the ads, hoping you wouldn’t get another one, but they just kept coming

-          You groaned

-          "Do they really bother you that much?“ Solomon asked sleepily

-          "I normally don’t bat an eye when I see an ad, but I do not and have never worn any jewelry, since I have kosmemophobia and touching or wearing it makes me uncomfortable. But even if I keep hiding these, they just keep popping up like they want to change my mind about it. I would much rather have ads for overprized pencil sharpeners.“

-          Well that was something he didn’t know about you. And he couldn’t even say he knew people that had the same problem as you, since he either didn’t notice it or he really just never met anyone like that

-          He asked a few questions about it, since he didn’t know anything about this phobia, and was glad he could learn something new. Even better that it was about you

Simeon

-          You decided to have picnic in a park

-          Not the most private setting but it’d do

-          You were just chatting about your lives, you mostly telling stories from the House of Lamentation, him mostly talking about his ideas for a new story

-          You were his huge inspiration and sometimes he straight up wrote down one of your stories. He assured you he would mention you as a co-author if he ever decided to publish those

-          It was getting rather late, so you packed up, carefully put all the plates and bowls back into the big basket and folded the blanket you’ve been sitting on the whole day

-          When heading back to the Purgatory Hall, he mostly talked about Luke’s different pastries. Just the description made you hyped up and you wondered if he was making something at that moment

-          You know he did. When you got back, your nose was hit with the lovely smell of cinnamon and apples and you couldn’t wait to try whatever he made

-          You had to put the things on their places first, though

-          Simeon asked you to put the basket to its place and you agreed. What you forgot though, was that its place was in a cupboard… too high for you to reach

-          Lucky for you, you knew a few spells and levitation was one of the first ones you purposely learned

-          Once Simeon saw you looking at the cupboard, he wanted to suggest you to take the folding stairs to help you, but you declined

-          "I want to do this alone, I know I can do it.“

-          He smiled and nodded, he knew he couldn’t change your mind

-          First you managed to open the doors and then you carefully levitated the basket to its place. While you were directing it where to go, your mind momentarily lost its concentration at the basket as you stared intensely at the Ring of Light on you hand

-          The name described it perfectly. It was literally a small band made out of pure light hugging one of your fingers. It was othwerwise incorporeal and only visibly showed when you used your magic

-          It took you a second to regain your concentration and you finally put it to its place

-          However, Simeon definitely noticed your momentary loss of composure there

-          "What made your mind wander off so suddenly?“ he asked, genuinly curious

-          "Oh it’s just… I am still not used to seeing the ring on my finger. It’s so weird, it doesn’t feel like anything, it just shines and what’s most surprising, I don’t feel like washing my hands constantly. It’s what would happen with normal jewelry. I am just not used to it, it’ll probably take some time.“

-          Huh! Okay then! He was just glad it wasn’t something you couldn’t handle

-          In all his long life he never met anyone who would openly speak about being disturbed by jewelry, so this was new experience to him

-          Will have questions, but reassures you you don’t have to answer any questions that might make you too uncomfortable

Luke

-          You two were assigned to find some rare herb that was supposed to be growing in the field

-          Fortunately it wasn’t far from Purgatory Hall so even if you somehow got lost, there was a high chance of actually finding your way back

-          While you were at it, you took it as the perfect time to bond with the young angel

-          So while you were searching, you both started weaving flower crowns

-          It was a fun activity and you even got to tell each other stories

-          You were reminiscing about the time you learned how to weave flower crowns and Luke was telling you things about the Celestial Realm and Michael

-          Once you were both finished, you put on each other’s flower crown and continued looking for the herb

-          Somehow it didn’t take too long for the two of you to find it

-          When you were picking it up, you flower crown fell from your head, but you managed to catch it… and not break it

-          Luke almost shrieked, but sighed in relief that nothing happened to it

-          "I have an idea, what if I transform these to not wilt! You know, like real crowns!“

-          With the mention of that, you just had to ask this question

-          "What would they then be out of, though? Metal? Plastic?“

-          He didn’t understand the intention of your question, so he straight up asked what you meant by that question

-          "Ah, excuse me, I’ll explain. I am kosmemophobic and especially metal jewelry makes me uncomfortable. I they were ot of plastic, though, I wouldn’t mind.“

-          Oh, well that explains it. He reassured you they would feel like out of resin, so you didn’t have to worry at all

-          Now you both have matching flower crowns and you can always remember Luke when you look at it

[tinawritesstuff]

A Not So Friendly Match (Henry Cavill x Reader)

Pairing: Henry Cavill/ First Person Reader

Wordcount:  4.6k 

Warnings: Smut, NSFW, angst if you squint a little.

A/N: Hello! This was based on an idea my good friend @1ookatthestars00 gave me. I don’t know a thing about rugby, the stuff I wrote was purely researched on the internet, and I’m sorry if any of those facts is wrong. I hope you all enjoy, especially you my love! 

Taglist: @cavill-sass 

@tillthelandslide​ 

@1ookatthestars00 

@al-wiisa​

Being in a relationship with a rugby fan is never easy, considering they’re always on edge when their team plays some important game. Well, imagine what could possibly happen in a relationship with not only one, but two rugby fans, AND from different teams.

Henry and (Y/N) were both a really particular couple. Both of them stubborn, hardworking and passionate about the different activities and stuff they enjoyed doing and watching. One of those being rugby, they supported their teams separately and in their own ways: Henry would always have both a bottle of Guinness beer and his Jersey beanie on top of his head, and his girlfriend would always have a Guernsey shirt and a bottle of beer next to a bowl of chips.

What happens when both their favorite teams were set to play against each other in the annual rugby union charity match and Henry gets invited to play? We’re about to find out.

Today couldn’t have gone any worse than it went. Working for the English National Health Service, and considering this Covid nightmare, is not easy at all. Specially when you have to work to help people and on top of that, be extra careful to not get infected. All I wanted to do was to go back home and enjoy some time with my man.

When I get inside my home, I leave my shoes and coat inside the little closet by the door after sanitizing them and myself with a lot of alcohol gel and frown when I don’t see Henry nor Kal coming to welcome me back, which is weird considering that they both came back from Scotland yesterday and, usually when that’s the case, they run to fill me with loads of love. I start walking to the living room, going though the foyer whistling for Kal, but they never come. When I reach said room, I find both my boys laying in the couch with the tv on in front of them and, when they notice my presence, the two bears run my way. Henry engulfs me in his arms and picks me up, making me wrap my legs around his strong torso; Kal? Oh, that bear. He just jumps between Hen and I, positioning himself on my lap, thankfully my human beast is strong enough to hold us both up in his arms.

We laugh together and suddenly I feel a complete sense of peace I missed all day. He’s here, with me, he’s home. He feels like home. Hen puts us down, keeping his hands on my waistñ for good measure, and we finally share a wonderful, earthshaking kiss (well, not literally, but you know what I mean).

- How was your day, dove?

- Ugh. – it’s all I need to say and he chuckles. – Honestly, I love my job but sometimes it can be a lot.

- I understand. Want to talk about it?

- Not really, honey. – I pout a little and he pecks my lower lip, then goes for a deeper kiss, which has me sighing against his mouth.

When we break apart, I pay attention to his attire and I see that he’s wearing his Jersey shirt, which can possibly mean one thing.

- Is Jersey supposed to play today? I didn’t hear anything about it.

- Nope, love. I’m wearing this shirt because I had to make a post on Instagram, thanking Jersey for inviting me to play a match for the charity event they’re running next Saturday.

- Oh, that’s great news, bubs! – I exclaim excitedly and he nods his head with a big smile. – I won’t cheer for the team, but I’ll obviously be there to support you and help you take care of your wounds.

- Oh baby, nothing would make me happier. You gonna be wearing my Jersey shirt? – he smiles cheekily and I let out an unlady-like snort.

- Yeah, right. – I roll my eyes, but smile anyway. – I love you, bear, but not even my love for you will change the fact that Jersey, to me, is the worst fucking team since the appearance of rugby in this world.

- You did not just say that. – he pretended to be deeply hurt and I just let out a giggle when he tickles my ribs. – You’re a little shit.

I only laugh in his face and retire myself from his arms, to go shower and change my work attire. He follows after me and I just know what he’s planning to do.

Once inside the room, I start removing my uniform jacket, then my pants, leaving myself in my underwear in front of the touch starved man that’s standing by the door. I look at him, batting my lashes innocently, and then shake my head.

- Don’t even think about it, handsome. I have this horrible hospital smell, and I don’t want to do anything else but shower it off.

- Mhm, I was actually thinking, - he paused and moved his hand through his strong jaw, as if he was actually thinking. – I haven’t showered today, and I went to the gym this afternoon with Kal after our cardio session, it would be a shame to waste such quantity of water if we shower separately, don’t you think?

- Oh, how thoughtful of you, Cavill. – I roll my eyes at him but a little smirk takes place on my face.

I grab a towel from the drawer and head to the attached bathroom, unclasping my bra and removing it from my body as I walk. I turn my head to Henry’s direction and smile alluringly at him.

- You coming or not, handsome? – and then disappear inside through the door.

Saturday comes way quicker than I expected it and thankfully I wasn’t set to cover any shift that day, which gave me the opportunity to be with Henry and go to the match with him. We had traveled to Jersey the day before to get settle in the island peacefully and with no rush, and this same morning, we woke up together to go for a run with Kal, then came back and showered (separately this time, because he had things to fix and settle before leaving) and finally had breakfast before he took off, leaving me with Kal.

Which brings us here, to the afternoon, a couple of hours before the match. I usually know what to wear to events like this, considering that it’s not something really fancy (or is it?), but today seems not to be the case, because I can’t decide if I should go elegant but casual, or completely casual.

I decide to text Henry to ask him, but in the meantime, I decide to pamper myself a bit and do my skincare routine, because the last time I did it was waaaaaaay long ago. After I’m done, I continue with my hair and finally, I paint my nails. When I check my phone again, I see that Henry has replied and the text says:

Wear anything you want to, just not that dirty Guernsey shirt xX.

I smile and shake my head, because I can’t understand how my love for this man only grows more and more each day, even though we have so different preferences. Guess that’s what makes our relationship so interesting and versatile.

I decide to go with casual, but pretty. I grab a pair of plaid pants, cream sweater and my pointy shoes. I pick a light brown coat and a black beanie, but I leave them on the bed to put them on later.

After what feels like years, I see Hen’s car stopping by the front gate and I put on my coat and beanie to get out of the house. I lock the door, run to his car and I can hear him wolf whistling my way, which makes me laugh out loud. I open the passenger door seat to get into the car, greet him with a big smile and a long kiss, which he reciprocates with big passion.

When I’m done, I decide to wait for Henry in the foyer, checking social media and uploading a picture of me smiling with my sunglasses on, on my Instagram Story with the caption “Ready to support my bear! (Not Jersey though 🤮🤮!)” and tag Henry on it.

The drive to St. Peter (currently known as Stade Santander International) is a relatively long one, considering that the house we were renting was on the opposite side of the island, and when we arrive, I can see a bunch of people with cameras and flashes waiting for Henry to make his big appearance. He parks the car, stops it and then we get off to walk hand in hand to the big entrance of the stadium. When we get inside, I can see the big pitch in front of me and I can’t help but feel giddy about the idea of watching a match from up close, after the longest time of my life. Henry talks with some people, introduces me to some other and then they finally lead him to the changing rooms and showers for him to get ready for the match.

I pace around, just looking at the walls’ decorations, the medals, trophies, everything. I take pictures, but only to take the piss on Henry and tell him that Guernsey has waaaaay more prizes than Jersey does (which isn’t true, but I love to rile him up). After that, I decide to check social media while I continue walking around, until I reach the stairs that lead me to the chairs. Once I’m situated, I sit on one of the chairs, that it’s actually in front of the pitch so it gives me a really good view of the arena, and keep scrolling through my Instagram page until I hear someone clearing their throat. I look up and I can see a smiling Henry staring at me expectantly, which causes me to widen my eyes and bite my lip, because he looks just so good right now, that I don’t know if we’ll make it to the house before I make him rip my clothes off.

- Sooo, what do you think? – he looks down at himself and then back at me. - Do I look like a rugby player?

- Mmmmhm, don’t know. Turn around. – I order and he giggle but does as I say. – Mmm, yeah, that’s what I thought.

I look down at his shorts- covered butt, and it looks exactly the way I was expecting. I slap one his cheeks playfully and he let’s out a surprise yelp, turning his body back around to face me again. Hen leans down and kisses me slowly, tasting the waters first, but I grab his face and pull him as close to me as the bar lets us, which earns me a moan from him.

When we break the kiss, I peck his forehead and look at him right in the eyes. It’s a promise, a little ritual we have and perform to assure the other that we’re present, that we’re proud of our accomplishments, that we love each other no matter what. He smiles widely at me and moves his head to the side to kiss my palm, and I peck both his cheekbones before pecking his lips one last time.

- You’ll be amazing. No matter what, I’ll be here supporting your sexy ass till the end. I love you, bear.

- You’re so good to me, my love. So, so, so good you have no idea. – he goes back to kiss me and then breaks away. – I love you; I need to run and warm up. Don’t go anywhere, okay?

- Okay.

He takes off, leaving me alone with the feeling of his lips still lingering on my mouth, and I take a seat to enjoy the game that’s set to start in a few minutes.

The reporter starts making the presentation of the local team, explaining what positions the players will be playing in, and when he goes to the visiting team, my eyes widen and I start laughing uncontrollably. It’s fucking Guernsey.

Now my heart is definitely torn. What am I supposed to do? Cheer for my beloved boyfriend or my favorite team? Ugh, this is a decision I never thought I’d have to make.

The game starts, Jersey takes the lead but one of the Guernsey guys tackles him away from the score area, which causes me to cheer and jump excitedly. Henry is sitting on the backups bench, so I don’t have to cheer for him just yet; meaning I can actually support my team.

The first half ends quicker than I would’ve expected, with Guernsey on top by five points, which has me giddy. It’s when the second half starts that the coach decides to bring my bear in, and I clap excitedly while watching him running into the pitch. The referi indicates the continuation of the game with his whistle, and I can see Henry grabbing the ball and running away from the big men that go after him. I take a deep breath, trying to convince myself that he’s done this before, he know what he’s doing and everything’s going to be fine.

I have mixed feelings about this, going from super scared to super horny at the same time. One of the many things that made me fall for this man were his looks and the macho demeanor, so seeing him dodging punches (but also receiving a few), tackling other guys and running away like a wild animal just wakes up a deep desire inside me.

Oh, that man is going to have it good tonight. I don’t even care how tired he is, he’ll have to fix the mess he created on my panties.

The game finally ends with the victory of Guernsey over Jersey, and I just know I have to mock Henry about it. The whole team goes inside, to the showers I suppose, and I decide to go after them and wait for my man outside the changing room door. When I reach my destiny, I check for good measure that Henry is, in fact, in there; which he is. I look to the sides, noticing the he’s alone, I walk to him and hug his neck from behind startling him a bit.

- Well, hello mister. – I whisper in his ear and he kisses one of my arms.

- Hello, my dear love. – he replies in a tired voice.

- I know for a fact that you’re tired, but I have to admit that watching you there, playing like a bull, got me quite excited…- I admit in a sultry voice, kissing the spot behind his ear. – I’m so wet for you baby, specially since Guernsey beat your ass as well. – I giggle and take a step back because I know what’s coming for me.

- Oh honey, you better stop if you know what’s good for you. I’m not in the mood to be mocked. – he warns me turning his body to face me.

He arches one of his eyebrows while looking at me starting to undo the buttons of my coat.

- Oh Henry, but I know exactly what’s good for me.

I continue undressing myself until I’m standing in from of him in just my underwear, but he ignores me and keeps removing his sweaty attire to get into the shower.

- C'mon, baby. Are you going to give up on me and lose the opportunity to fuck my brains out like you lost the game?

Fuck, I know that my ass is going to burn like boiling water tomorrow, but I’m so wet for him that I don’t care about the consequences right now.

- This is the last warning, baby girl. Stop right at this moment or your ass in gonna look like sweet, red peach tomorrow.

- Ugh, maybe I should go ask one of the Guernsey guys to help me with this, after all they can score anything they want. But you can’t, can you babe?

Apparently, that’s the last thing I need to say, because he gets up from his place abruptly and walks towards me in a speed I’d never seen before. He grabs me by both my biceps and looks at me dead in the eyes, making me gulp and look at him as innocently as I can, but I know he doesn’t buy my façade.

- Do you want to repeat that, my love? – he asks in a threating tone

- No, daddy.

- That’s what I thought. – he removes his briefs in a quick movement without letting go of me and throws them away – Not so smart now, are you? Is this what you wanted? Huh? You wanted me to punish you like the slut you are?

- Oh god, Henry. – I let out in a moan and close my eyes, but he grabs my face in one of his big hands and makes me open them again.

- What did you call me, little one? Didn’t quite catch that.

- Daddy, I meant daddy. – I cry out when the hand that isn’t holding my face goes down my body till he reaches my underwear.

- You want to repeat what you said, my darling?

- No daddy, I’m sorry.

- It wasn’t a request, bunny. It was an order.

I gulp audibly and shake my head, because suddenly I feel a level of embarrassment and I don’t want to say it. He pulls my hair, not enough to make it hurt, but enough to make me whimper and close and open my eyes to make the tears go away.

- Now, let’s try again. What did you say earlier?

- Get dressed, we’re going home.

- That I should go to one of the Guernsey guys and ask him to fuck me because any of them would be better than you. – I close my eyes and take a deep breath, because now I’m regretting not thinking before saying it – But I didn’t mean it, daddy. No one fucks me better than you, I promise.

- I’m not sure now, (Y/N).

Fuck, he rarely calls me by my name. Specially not when we’re about to fuck. He’s mad, but mostly he’s hurt.

On the way to the place we’re staying at, none of us says anything. Him because he’s mad, and me because I don’t dare to utter a word out. Should I apologize? I know he’s hurt, because we don’t joke about other people “replacing” us, especially in cases like this.

The only sound is the radio, but even that won’t stop me from thinking that I fucked up. Badly. When we reach the house, he parks and stops the engine, but doesn’t get out of the car.

- Hen… - I try in a soft voice.

- Don’t. Don’t say a word. I want you to get out of this car, go to the room and wait for me on the bed in your underwear.

I let out a quiet whimper, but do as he says. When I get inside the house, Kal comes to greet me and I pet him, going to the room right after. I reach the room and then do as Henry told me to.

I can hear him playing with Kal and greeting him, and he stays with the bear for a good couple of minutes. In the meantime, I’m still laying on the bed, wearing just underwear.

He comes into the room and stays by the door, watching me quietly. And just when I think he’s going to make a move on me, he just walks past the bed and doesn’t pay me any mind. I let out a huff and turn to lay on my belly, leaving my ass exposed for him to see.

He takes his good time in the bathroom, showering I suppose, and when he comes out he’s wearing nothing but a white towel around his slim waist, leaving his hairy chest on display. I bite my lip and extend my arms to signal him that I want him with me in the bed. He sighs and walks slowly towards my direction.

- You know you overstepped the line today, right? – he asks me once he’s sitting next to me and all I can do is nod – You hurt my feelings, little one.

- I know that, Hen, and I’m so, so, sorry. I swear I regretted saying it the moment the words left my mouth – I pout and hesitate to go closer to him, because I don’t know if he wants me to touch him.

Henry only nods and opens his arms, which makes me move closer to him and hug his strong body, leaving my head on his lap.

- I don’t want any other man but you, my love. I’m sorry I said that. I shouldn’t have, because you’re more than enough for me. – I whisper against the skin of his stomach, and then leave a little peck in there.

- I know that, my dove. It’s okay.

- It’s not though. You’ve spent every single day since the moment we became an item making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. You’ve made me feel enough and loved and cared for, and I promised to myself that I was going to try my hardest and making you feel the same security you make me feel. Today I failed you, and I’m sorry, even if it was a joke.

He says nothing, only grabs my jaw with one hand and leans down to kiss me. I put my hand around his wrist, and I feel him deepen the kiss, which makes sigh against his mouth. We break apart and I get on my knees in front of him, looking into his eyes, and grabbing his face to kiss him one more time, more fiercely this time.

- Let me make it up to you, my love. Let me prove to you that you’re the only man I need. – I whisper against his mouth and he grabs my body and turns us around, so he’s on top of me.

- You can do that later, honey. Now I’m going to show you that I’m the only man you’ll ever need.

With that, he just devours my mouth with his, making me whimper and moan, while roaming his hands up and down the sides of my body. Then, he poses his fingers on the waistband of my panties and pulls them down, kissing my thighs and then my calves as he removes the undergarment from my body. After that, he goes touching all the way up, going from legs to my back, until he reaches my bra and unclasps it, taking it off next.

Henry looks at me in the eyes and then attaches his mouth to one of my nipples, making me gasp and grab his curls to pull him closer to me. Then he goes for my other nub, which is the most sensitive one of the two pair, and it makes me let out a long moan. Hen spends some good time on it, to finally let it go of his mouth with a pop.

- I want to make you feel so good, my love. Even though I don’t think you deserve it.

- Oh, Henry. – I whimper when he starts to travel south, leaving a trail of kisses on my belly and then my mound.

He then attaches his mouth to my labia, lapping and kissing around my lips and entrance, paying no mind to my little bundle of nerves, which causes me to let out a groan of protest. He’s got me so wet since the match started, this isn’t fucking fair.

He starts to make out with my lower lips, putting his tongue in the way and using it to run it around all the lower area of my womanhood, slowly, but with fervour. Then, he goes to my inner thigh and leaves kisses in one and the other. Then, he goes back to my entrance and starts penetrating me with his tongue, while looking at me in the eyes. He’s going hurtfully slow, and it causes me to arch my back in desperation, because I need him to just fuck me senseless.

Of course, I enjoy slow, passionate sessions of love making, but right now all I want is for him to become a wild stud and fuck my brains out. He inserts two of his fingers inside of me, kissing my mound while doing so. Finally, I can feel him moving the two impostors that rest inside my pussy, building a good pace, starting slowly and then increasing the speed. I pull his curls to bring his head closer to me, and he moans against me, making me shudder.

He finally, finally, gets his tongue on my clit, lapping around it and flicking it to bring me closer to my well needed release. After a couple of minutes, I can feel my walls clenching around his fingers, and so does he.

- C'mon baby, give it to me. I can feel your sweet, tight cunt squeezing my fingers. Cum for me. – he encourages me and that’s all the motivation I needed to let it go.

I let out a loud and long moan, holding his head against my sensitive wetness with one hand and one of the soft pillows under my hair with the other. I close my eyes trying to get myself together again, and I feel him kissing his way up my body. He positions himself on top of me, caging me between his body and the mattress, and leaves his weight resting on his elbows on either side of my head. Henry leans down and kisses me briefly, letting me taste myself on his mouth, and I wrap my legs around his thick, strong body, to feel him even closer.

Without any warning, he gets inside me, making me gasp loudly and hold onto him for dear life. His thrusts are deep and calculated, as they usually are when he’s in the mood to go slow. My body wraps itself more tightly around his, and we share a breathtaking kiss, making the connection grow even more. As the passion rises, his movements become sloppier and more uncoordinated, which gives away that he’s getting close to his own release. I cling to him even more, hiding my face between his head and shoulder, and he moves one of his hands to stimulate my clit. That’s all I need to come for the second time tonight.

- Ohh, baby, you feel so good. C’mon Hen, cum for me. Know you’re close, come on. – I encourage him and he moans in my ear.

- Oh, baby girl, I’m going to fill you up so good. You’ll feel me right here. – Henry puts his hand on my lower belly and I let out a moan.

- C’mon bear, I can feel you throbbing inside my little cunt, fill me up and put a baby in me.

He lets out a moan and groans loudly, letting himself go inside me, filling my womb with his seed. I don’t know if that comment came because of the heat of the moment, but it caused the effect I was looking for. He lets himself collapse on top of me, and stays there for a couple of seconds before moving his head to the side to kiss me. I reciprocate the gesture, holding him closer to me (as if that was even possible) and finally let him go.

- I love you so much. – I whisper looking at him in the eyes, those beautiful baby blues.

- I love you too, my love. – he kisses my forehead and then breaths in. – I love you too.

It’s the last thing I hear before falling asleep, peacefully wrapped between his strong arms. Where I belong.

[nixotinix]

More convention advice!

Reminder that I'm not a con veteran, I'm a teenager with a distant relative who runs a big ol con. I'm relaying information that I've heard before.

This convention guide is all about etiquette at conventions and a convention survival kit! Let's get into it!

Con Etiquette

There's a lot of unspoken rules to follow at a convention. A few of them center around cosplaying. So let's start with the most important rule.

Cosplay. Is. Not. Consent.

That is the most important thing to remember. Cosplayers are people, they have their insecurities, they have their boundaries, and just because they're in a wig and some fancy clothes doesn't change that. Don't take a photo of a cosplayer without their direct verbal or certain nonverbal consent. If you're in a crowd and there's a lot of people taking a photo of a cosplayer, all you have to do is get the cosplayer's attention, hold up your phone or camera, point to said phone or camera, and give them a thumbs up. If they return your thumbs up, or nod, or show any other direct consent, go ham! Take your photos! If not, don't take the photo. Simple as that. Don't try to sneak photos either. They see that shit.

Also regarding photos. If a cosplayer is sitting down, on their phone, eating, or has parts of their cosplay off, do NOT ask them for a photo. Walking around in a wig and three layers of clothing isn't comfortable, and cosplayers need to rest. And don't stalk the area waiting for them to be finished, then ask to take the photo. They see that shit. If you have to ask them anything, ask them "Hey, I like your cosplay and I was wondering if you'll still be wearing it later". That's it. If they say yes, cool! Try to find them when they aren't resting and get your photo. If they say no, oh well. You don't get a picture. Boo hoo.

Oh, and don't sit in popular photoshoot areas, all you'll be doing is taking up space. Find a bench or a staircase or something to sit on. Sit on the floor if you have to, just don't sit by the pretty backdrops.

Don't touch the wig. Don't touch the prop. Don't touch the costume. Don't touch the person. Some of these things can be very fragile, and you have no way of knowing that. Sure, you can ask. But your answer will probably be no.

Don't be loud and annoying. Nobody likes to be around you if you're loud and annoying. And, I don't know if this is still a thing, but when I went to my last con or two, there was at least 2 groups of My Hero Academia cosplayers (no hate to MHA, it's just the most popular source for this kind of thing) who would circle around people and link hands while chanting some weird cryptic shit. That can make people freak out big time, and it isn't funny at all. Don't do it.

If you see something in the vendor's hall or artist's alley that you don't like, for example, fanart for a ship you don't like, walk past the booth and move on. Don't say anything. Don't blow up in the artist's/vendor's face about how that ship is toxic, or how they drew that character with bigger hadonkadonks than they have canonically. Just move on and don't make a scene.

And most importantly.. mind your personal hygiene!!!! You don't wanna be that person that makes people gag when you walk by. Shower once a day, because con musk is real and it's bad. Pack deodorant and USE!! IT!!! Don't make other attendees have to pack air freshener for when you walk by. And remember. Axe Body Spray or any kind of body spray at all does not equal a shower. A shower equals a shower!

Now for some rapid fire smaller tips.

Don't wear big headpieces during panels, especially if you're close to the front. It can block other people from seeing what's going on. Take it off and set it on the floor or in your lap. Same with phones. Don't hold them in places that blocks other peoples' view.

Unless you're on a bench or chair, keep walking. Don't block the flow of con traffic.

Don't ask cosplayers for a hug, kiss, a date, their contact info (depends), or inappropriate photos. And ask specifically if you want to be in the photo with them, as some cosplayers don't like this.

If you're cosplaying and bringing a prop weapon, be sure to get it screened and checked first thing so the con organizers know it isn't a potential threat. If it doesn't meet the requirements, it will either have to be modified or you won't be able to take it into the con. Check the requirements of your con for weapon screening.

Try to get your badge the day before the convention actually starts. If you try to get it the first day, you'll be waiting in line for half the day and you might miss out on some real cool events.

See something, say something. Don't be afraid of looking like a jerk when someone is being creepy towards you or someone else, or otherwise making you or them uncomfortable. Report that creepy person's ass to security or employees/volunteers as soon as possible.

Convention Survival Kit

-Remember the 4-3-2-1 rule for con weekends. Four hours of sleep a night, three activities that involve sitting down a day, two meals a day, and one shower a day. These are bare minimums, and if you dip below these minimums, you're gonna have a bad time.

-Deodorant! Again!! Hygiene, people!

-2 litres of water, at least for the full weekend.

-A snack bag!

-A backpack to hold everything with. Make sure everyone in your group has one. If you're cosplaying, fuck it! Theme it to your character. Get a secure padlocked one if possible to prevent pickpockets.

-A cosplay repair kit. Even if you aren't cosplaying, it can help out a cosplayer in need. Pack a sewing kit with a few thread colours, safety pins, bobby pins, hairties, eyelash glue, some simple makeup, things of the like. Maybe a hot glue gun, but that's pushing it.

-A first aid kit with bandaids, hand sanitizer, Ibuprofen, and gauze. Feel free to pack more, as this is the bare minimum.

-Any other necessary medications or menstrual products for you or your party members.

-Shampoo and conditioner. These might be provided by the hotel, but better safe than sorry.

-Makeup wipes! Good ones. To wipe off any makeup you were wearing at the con.

-Always have one person in your group with the Essentials Bag. First aid kit, cosplay repair kit, portable phone charger, snacks, water, money, and anything else that might be needed.

-Leave extra room in one of your bags to put anything bought into, then divvy it up at the hotel room.

-Portable entertainment! Card games, books, dice, anything really. As long as it doesn't take up too much space, you're good.

-Notebook or sketchbook. You never know when you might need an autograph, or a sketch, or the name of a business because their cards ran out. Pack a pen and a Sharpie too. Sharpies can write on anything, even those laminated schedule sheets.

-COMFORTABLE shoes. You'll be walking around all the time and your feet will hate you if you're walking around in stilettos. Does not apply to cosplay, but carry a pair of comfortable shoes that you can switch in and out of throughout the day.

-Cash! Yes, everyone uses cards now, but it never hurts to have an extra 20 bucks on you. Keep this money separate from anything you plan on spending at the convention and only use it for emergencies, like a gas refill or over the counter medication.

-If you wear glasses, pack your cleaning cloth.

-Chapstick and lotion. Save your skin.

-An art storage tube. Cylinder things. You're gonna buy some prints and you don't want them bending.

And that's all! If I forgot anything, let me know and I'll add it to the list. Next installment will be: Cosplay Contests- What They Are and How to Enter!

[clearsky]

My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

[vintage-brass-tc]

4/10/2021

(( Brace yourselves for a long post. 👁 ))

I’m not sure if I gave any more context of this event either, but, last week, I and around 1-2 people from each section were invited by the directors to go help out with something in preparation for next year.

To summarize it briefly, the incoming band students would be trying out some instruments today. Due to COVID restrictions, they couldn’t play the instrument (much) and actually try it out like the usual process. The older band kids given the option to volunteer were going to be the lead examples of what an instrument sounds like.

This means they’d play for people who were interested in hearing them/trying out our instrument. In addition, we also helped make sure the crowd was settled in nicely when we weren’t occupied with said playing.

Of course, I agreed to come right away. Who would turn down a chance to hang out around their TC (ahem, and the band 😳) for a little while?

People could choose to be there for around half of the event— three hours and thirty minutes, give or take— or remain there throughout the full seven-hour duration of work.

I think you know what I’m going to say now, right? Yeah. I chose to stay and pitch in for the whole time. Needless to say, I’m pretty worn out from it all.

(Believe it or not, I practically passed out right after I wrote the previous sentence. Haha, whoops. Hello from the next day!)

Anywho, with all of the background information out of the way, let’s move on to the actual event!!

||||||||||||||||||||||||

I arrived pretty early and assisted the band directors with their setup in the school’s cafeteria. W and I didn’t talk or make eye contact very much, but that was because we were scrambling to get things like the instruments, hand sanitizer stations, music stands, etcetera prepared.

I noticed that M’s wife and daughter, who’s in my band, were here to help all day as well. It was nice to coexist and talk a little with those who M loves and adores.

From what I remember, the first time W spoke within earshot of me was when everyone was given the incentive to warm up on their instruments in the band hall.

He made a stupid joke that I don’t quite remember, but I and some others found it pretty funny. As always, he never failed to lift the room’s spirits, or at the very least my own. If what he said wasn’t enough to keep me going, the smile on his face before he left was adorable as well.

~~

Fast forward to some time later, when I was mingling with other band kids. I thought it’d be fun to join in the frenzy of various pieces being played simultaneously, but I didn’t want to move away from the group to sit down. I thought it would be pretty awkward.

After being sure I wasn’t going to cause any major damage to myself or my instrument, I challenged myself to attempt playing some music on my concert tuba while standing up. I didn’t do this often, so I thought it’d be a fun time to try.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, just as I lifted the tuba upwards, I noticed something in the eastern corner of my gaze; A pair of eyes I knew all too well were already placed on me before I had even begun getting set. My gaze flickered in the observer’s direction for less than a second.

To my surprise, since nobody was talking to him, W decided to focus on me. He was leaning forward on the table he was sat at, with his chin cupped comfortably by his right hand. He watched me with pure curiosity and interest.

I did my best not to look at him outside of my peripheral vision after that to avoid potentially interrupting his thoughts. I also didn’t want to mess up whatever music I had out either since he was listening in on it.

He observed me with this same look on his face until he shot up in his seat and looked forward. I assume there was a person who was approaching him.

Can’t help but wonder why he decided to look at me...and how long he would have been tuning into my mediocre tuba skills if someone hadn’t walked over.

~~

A student was interested in hearing me play the tuba, so I did just that. I believe I played around 6-8 measures of my solo. Despite some minor blips due to a sticking valve, I guess I did pretty decent.

I smiled sheepishly and set my tuba down after my mini performance. A subtle applause rose from the kid’s family, accompanied by a louder clapping to the right of me, which I didn’t quite acknowledge until a voice spoke up.

“Thanks Dad!!” W spoke in a slightly condescending tone while grinning from ear to ear. The sound of his loud voice startled me and I zipped my head over to him. “Wha(ha)t?” I spoke in between some surprised chuckles.

“Your Dad’s clapping...like—” He mimicked a very enthusiastic and very expressive clap for a moment before slapping his knees, leaning forward, and letting out one of his signature loud, giggly laughs. I looked at my father and we laughed along with W for a few seconds more.

After writing this, I’m just now realizing that W must have been paying pretty good attention to me and the situation I was in. I would have never noticed this if he hadn’t spoke up. Wow, haha, that’s pretty cool! (My father decided a volunteer here for a little while in case some people were curious. ^^)

~~

Not as much people wanted to hear the tuba as I thought, so I had some free time on my hands. We were told that we could no longer play out of turn since we were being too loud, so I decided to try to talk to W a little bit while I still could. I watched as he wished the last person currently in line a good day, then I began to walk over to him. As I made my way closer, he lifted his head pretty quickly, and his concentration locked on me. Judging by his serious expression, he may have thought I had an important question to ask him. That threw me off a little bit, and I got nervous.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“Uh,” I started, “How‘s the thing going?” By ‘the thing’, I was referring to his job of checking people out of the school. I internally facepalmed at my phrasing.

“Good!” He turned to his computer and hesitated. “Actually, I have a favor to ask you..” I watched as he slouched down a little bit on the desk before popping back up to look at me.

W asked me if I could go ahead and get the directors’ lunch out before the kids got theirs, just in case it all ran out quickly. He then counted the directors for me and forgot to include himself, which we laughed together at after I pointed it out. I went to go grab the packages after the conversation ended.

The whole way to the band hall, where everything was located, I swam through my thoughts. I was grateful that he thought I was good enough to be trusted with keeping track of who got what, food-wise. I’m glad I could help him with that.

After a bit of explaining to some of the students why I was handling the food before lunch and taking multiple portions of it, I was off and giving everything out to the directors. M’s wife already went to get her own food somehow, and she seemed a little bit agitated when I asked if she already got her stuff.

I mean, I’d be pretty mad if someone interrupting my blissful munching moments too, so no shame there. I wonder if M messes with her while she eats sometimes. It seems like something he may do when he’s bored. Haha.

Anyway, I approached W with his stuff, but he was talking to someone, so I slowly came to a stop and just....stood there. Luckily, the guy mentioned I had W’s food, so he looked over. “Thanks R,” he smiled. “Is that all?” He looked at what remained in the bag. “Yep.” I told him that M’s wife had already gotten her stuff beforehand, and he nodded.

After I handed the items to him, he thanked me again. I acknowledged his thanks with a smile before letting him continue talking. A few minutes later, he began to eat.

Can I just point out that the way he eats is so...amusing? It’s like he pays no attention to those around him, instead focusing on engulfing the food in front of him with huge bites at a time. He leaves a mess too while doing this sometimes.

While he’s nomming the stuff down, he uses that time to scan the room with curious eyes. I assume it’s to see if anyone was looking at his Jurassic munching techniques.

Call me weird, but it was all so cute in a way. I had a very tough time directing my eyes off of him at first, but I forced myself to. He was looking near my direction anyway, and I didn’t want him to be like ‘??? R, why are you watching me eat?’. 😳 so yeah

~~

About an hour or so after this lunch incident, I was talking to M’s daughter and someone else. We were chatting casually about something related to our instruments. I just started getting into the conversation when I heard a loud voice call out my name.

“R.” W called from behind me. I perked up, shocked, and stopped talking as soon as his voice rang in my ears. The two people I was speaking to looked in his direction and I followed suit with their action, twisting my body backwards as quick as possible. “Come here.”

He stood there very still, facing me with a serious expression, and I was quite intimidated by this. There was nobody inside a 7-foot radius of him, which further intensified the situation for me. Within another heartbeat, butterflies were swirling in my stomach. I turned back to the two girls and apologized before walking over to see what was up.

I stopped just shy of an arm’s length away from him and met his strong gaze with a face that silently urged him to go on. “I’m going to go to the restroom,” he told me, dipping his upper torso and head down to make his look appear more firm. I responded by lifting my chin up and looking down at him with the same amount of seriousness.

“I need you to stay here and watch. If anyone comes, tell them to wait for me, okay?” He had a hint of a pleading tone in his voice that I couldn’t ignore. “Got it.” I told him. “Sorry!!” He exclaimed in a high-pitched whisper to me as he ran off to the other room. “Not a problem!” I yelled back.

I watched him dash out of the cafeteria doors and halt to a walking pace while he exchanged a couple words with the check-in volunteers. I stopped watching him when he began to walk towards the males’ bathroom again.

I was, again, honored that W trusted me enough to handle something like that. Even if it was a small task like the one he asked from me earlier on, he could have had anyone else do it, but he decided I was reliable enough to. I thought that was pretty cool.

Anyway, I stood there for a bit and noticed a phone faced down on the table. I assumed immediately that it was his, and I observed its beautiful casing. It was decorated with a light gray and white array of lines that sort of gave me a forest vibe.

I never expected something as toned down and serene as this was from him, especially with his crazy energetic attitude I know him from, but it was a very nice sight. I didn’t stare at his phone any further in case anyone thought I was going to snoop or something weird like that.

A family came up and I told them that W would be back in a bit. We chatted for a little while about some band-related stuff until W speed-walked back in. I ended our conversation abruptly before looking at him.

“Thank you so much for your help, R.” He told me sincerely while I stepped out of his way. I didn’t pay attention in the moment to how close we were, but it was definitely very close, somehow still barely avoiding contact. “Sure!” I beamed joyously as my gaze lingered.

“Your phone was going off for twenty minutes,” he told me before he sat back down in his chair. My face widened. “I was??” I paused. “I mean, it was??” He didn’t respond to my slightly panicking tone. Instead, he sat still where he was silently, staring at the person I was just talking to.

“Sorry,” I lightly apologized before heading back to where I had my stuff set up. I checked my notifications didn’t see anything new, so I was pretty confused. Maybe he was trying to get me to go away or something, hence the effort on his face to not respond. 😳

~~

The last thing here was just me wishing him a good weekend, and him saying “thank you for helping“, with me thanking him back afterwards.

Overall, this day was great. My arms are so sore from hauling the extra instrument cases around(the tuba cases for newcomers are unbelievably heavier than my current one), but the moments I shared with W and the band made it so worth it. ^^

Hope everyone’s having a great weekend and staying safe.

[lamalefix]

Hey the anon who asked for angst here! I want what you did wirh Eddie in your story with Buck now. Like stopping functioning and things like that... But  i'm a sucker for happy endings! Maybe even bittersweet and uncertain. So to answer you, yes yes yes. I know what I'm asking fpr. I want you to hurt my feelings. do your worst!! and thank you!!

Hey there angsty anon! (now that's your name) 

You asked for this, so... here we go, this is going to be a multichapter thing, but somehow i was inspired? So please read it carefully.

thank you for your words, I hope you find this of your taste

Relationship: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV),Evan "Buck" Buckley Tags: Medical Procedures, Blood, Major Character InjuryDeveloping Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, Post-Episode: s04e13 Suspicion

Can’t have you disappear [1/3] (also on ao3)

When deployed, soldiers need to complete a range of physically demanding tasks. And they train for those tasks. It occurs that you have to move under fire, carry equipment, transfer ammunition and… well, the worst of all evacuate casualties. A casualty drag is excruciatingly challenging and involves dragging a fellow soldier from a hazardous environment to a safe location as quick as possible.

That’s what comes to Buck’s mind after a few seconds. He’s on the ground. Asphalt tastes weird in his mouth, copper-like, strong and salty.

He blinks and takes in, drinks in, the body, the pair of eyes that look lost, not so far away.

There’s the voice of someone barking orders in the radio, the same person that’s holding him down. And when Buck blinks again, he clearly sees that person, that body, not so far away.

Eddie. That’s Eddie. That’s Eddie in the middle of the road, a pool of blood under his face. Hand outstretching slightly, fingers trembling. Eyes fixed on something. On him maybe? Or maybe lost.

Asphalt doesn’t have that weird, coppery and salty taste. But… blood has.

He needs to do something.

Do something.

Do something.

He blinks again ad remembers his preparation as a Navy SEALS before the other one as a firefighter. Close down, bottle up, no emotion. Nothing.

He needs to move. Do something.

When he first started casualty drags simulation during training, he dragged dummies all covered in gears that could even weigh 132 kg total, crawling as fast as he could.

And at some point, he moves.

.

He doesn’t even notice when he does, with an impossible ache, urgency, he just moves. It’s like muscle memory, it’s like some other part of him kicks in and takes his place. It’s like the gear rolls backwards and clicks in that very spot, the right one and he reacts as he knew, as he was before. A Evan Buckley that was so long forgotten in his new almost-happy life over here. The Evan Buckley who at some point decided that being a Navy Seal was a good idea, that maybe was even good at suppressing emotions and being like a robot.

It’s fun that at some point you need to do what you resent the most, uh?

But, well.

He needs to do something.

That’s how he grovels and takes Eddie, dragging him while crawling back between the ambulance and the firetruck. Muscle memory, soldier training, casualty evacuation.

Fast.

He needs to be fast. Faster maybe. The fastest he can.

That captain, whose name he doesn’t remember, barks something and he growls a guttural, raw sounds that escapes his throat and sounds like an echo from another distant memory. But that gear runs backwards again, and clicks back in.

He needs to do something.

Do something.

Do something.

And so, he focuses on the wound.

Not on the blood that soaks Eddie’s uniform and spatters on his own white shirt, that wedges in the bed of his fingernails, that moistens his palms.

He needs to focus on the wound.

He tears Eddie’s uniform shirt, and assesses the breathing, uneven, labored, almost strangled, there’s a sound like a hiss.

Sucking chest wounds happen when an injury causes a hole to open in the chest, usually are caused by stabbing, gunshots or other injuries that penetrate the chest.

It’s about the size of a coin, the blood looks like boiling, at every hissing breath, as it’s being sucked back in the chest at every inhale and sputtered out at every exhale. And the blood doesn’t even look like blood anymore, around the wound, it’s more like foam, bright red, maybe pinkish.

When he moved, when he dragged Eddie in a safer place, between the truck and the ambulance, Eddie made a weird sound, like a protest, that ended up with coughing blood.

But he needs to move, he needs to move, he needs to do something.

And it’s became a silent mantra.

No emotion, get your shit together.

He would stop, a part of him would stop and talk, because he talks a lot, a whole lot, and that’s maybe what he does best, but now there’s Eddie bleeding out, so he has to focus and do something.

So he repeats the drill. Sucking chest wounds care. He knows how it works. He just needs to act.

Sterilize your hands. No time for soap and water, but he has a sanitizer gel in his pocket (thanks covid-19?), he doesn’t have time to put on gloves, he couldn’t even find ‘em if he wanted now. He has to focus.

Maybe he mutters something, a silent prayer, Eddie is someone who prays so he should do that for him, or maybe he just says sorry, sorry, sorry when he points his hand hard over the wound. You’d usually ask someone else to keep a hand over the wound while preparing a dressing, maybe even the patient, but Eddie lies there, still, not even moving his chest to breath, eyes open.

That’s when Buck moves his hand to cup his cheek. That’s when he finds his voice back.

“Eddie? Eddie, stay with me? Please, please, please. Stay with me” it’s all he manages to say. “We need to get you back home to Chris, y’know?”.

And that’s when Eddie coughs again, and blinks, and his eyes roll back for a moment, a weird staggering sound that comes from his mouth.

“Hey, hey, no. Okay, no weird sounds. Just stay awake for me” he murmurs, and moves to get something from Eddie’s medic bag. Because God, he has that bag with him! There should be a fucking Halo Chest Seal, there better be one.

But he needs to focus, he needs to.

The best way to do this is to spill the contents of the bag on the ground, maybe not the right choice, but the only one if you are working with only a hand, while the other is still applying pressure on the wound.

The gear rolls back in place. And he repeats the drill from where he left off.

Find a chest seal or a sterile, medical tape or plastic to seal up the wound.

“Eddie breathe, please. Breathe out” he asks, and Eddie, ever the good soldier, breathes out, a broken, painful breath.

Someone is barking orders around them, but Buck has to move. Buck has to do something.

Do something. Faster. Faster. The fastest you can. Even faster than that.

That’s his mantra. He doesn’t have that much time. Eddie doesn’t have that much time.

The Halo Chest Seal is one of the very first chest seals made commercially. It’s no-frills, and works very simply. It’s essentially a sterile piece of plastic with an adhesive backing.

He cleans the wound, wiping off the blood with a gauze he found in the bag before spilling its content on the ground, so that the adhesive can stick and he murmurs something that sounds to his hears like a prayer, but then again is maybe something he is asking Eddie. Stay awake. Stay with me.

When he applies the right pressure Eddie groans softly.

Then he needs to move him on one side, he needs  to be fast. Faster. Because Eddie lost a lot of blood, and even if he just coughed up blood only once, once too many.

He tears the remnants of the shirt off, and uses another gauze to wipe again the blood and the dirt, from the entry hole on his back, and this time Eddie groans louder.

And maybe in his head he plays a weird conversation with him, maybe a reassuring one. I know it hurts. But you are safe now. We are going to save you.

The captain of 133, Matha? Metha? Whatever barks something again and that makes the other gear, the one on which he usually moves slip in the place and take over.

But Eddie does a thing, a odd sound with his mouth. Shortness of breath, eyes lost and glassy. The seal is trapping air that’s escaping from the lungs. No. Not the right time to develop a pneumothorax. Not while there’s a fucking shooter on a roof. Not while their aid isn’t here yet.

A needle, he needs a needle. A fourteen, or maybe a sixteen gauge needle, an eight centimeter needle is more successful than a five centimeter one, but increase a risk of injury to underlying structures. He maneuvers him back supine, and when Eddie does that sound again, Buck just moves faster.

Do something.

Do something.

Faster.

Faster.

The preferred insertion site is the second intercostal space, in the mid-clavicular line, not even a inch above his wound, so he will have to insert the needle anywhere in that same hemithorax to decompress the developing pneumothorax. He just uses his antiseptic gel to prepare the area. And he should really find lidocaine to provide anesthesia, but there’s no time, Eddie has no time. And even if it will hurt like hell, periosteum and parietal pleura are highly pain-sensitive, he can’t waste time.

He pierces the skin over the rib below the target interspace, a couple of inches below his wound, and then directs the needle cephalad over the rib until the pleura does that little pop, that’s hard to hear when your heart beats like Buck’s now, but there’s the sudden decrease in resistance.

It’s when Eddie breathes better and doesn’t do that ominous, strangled sound again, that he inserts the chest tube. And while he does that, there’s the whistle of the ambulance siren that fills the air.

.

He shouldn’t hop on the ambulance, but that’s what he does, when the paramedics start to move Eddie. They are all under held targets, but they need to move, and bring Eddie to the nearest hospital.

His legs tremble when he sits near Eddie, his hand in his, his fingers trembling.

He outstretched his hand as if to come to Buck, to comfort him somehow, as he always does, with his touchy-feely show of affection. But what communicates the most, of Eddie, are his eyes. Expressive, soft, caring. Every single thing Eddie tells, comes before in his eyes, and seeing that the only thing he could do at that point was to look, glance at Buck maybe, it was his own personal way to comfort him.

And out of muscle memory, now, Buck 4.0 kicks in, and just lowers his gaze. Emotions showering over him, intense like a hurricane, but he can't, he can't break. No emotion, not now. Maybe it's time for Buck 5.0. The only thing he can do is focus on that hand, clammy and still, fingers cold and his. And he sturts humming voiceless prayers, an invocation to whoever is God and Holy to not take Eddie away.

Not from him, not for himself. He wouldn’t ask anything like that, not of Eddie, because he is very serious with Ana, but for Chris. 

That’s how prayers work, right? 

Something that’s not for you, asking for something that’s for someone else. And what’s more important than a child’s sake? 

They saved a kid today, they earned this. Right?

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

Hell and Back Pt. 2

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader 

Peter Parker x villain!reader 

Warnings: Language, hospital mentions, mentions of drug abuse, allusions to suicide, allusion to self harm, self deprecating thoughts, a gun, mentions of knives, mentions of the dead, anxiety, signs of abuse, abusive and toxic relationships, and fainting.

Word Count: 6.1k 

Songs: Pleaser-Wallows, 505-Artic Monkeys, Sweater Weather- The Neighborhood, Daddy Issues- The Neighborhood, Paper Planes- M.I.A, We come running- Youngblood Hawke, Young dumb and broke- Khalid, Do I wanna know- Artic Monkeys, Break the Rules- Charli XCX

“I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.” 

A/N: There might be some typos and grammatical errors sorry for those, I you want to be added to the Taglist just message me about or comment it. I’ll have a google form for it soon. 

Series Masterlist   Previous Part   Next Part

When I saw my little sisters, that all went away. Sure I still called them a lot but nothing could compare to actually seeing them in person. Sapphire launched herself into my arms and I stumbled back a bit.

“I missed you too,” I said.

I hugged Aaliyah too. When I entered the apartment I heard voices. My dad’s and some feminine voice. 

I walked in to find some woman who couldn't be older than 25 in my kitchen. Talking and laughing with my dad. I didn’t want to assume anything or start a scene so I just went into my room to catch up with my sisters. 

We were talking about some kid who gave me a DMT pen once and I was tripping balls which I probably shouldn’t be talking about, but I want them to feel comfortable enough to come to me. Makes it easier to keep them safe. 

Our dad opened the door and hung in the doorway.

“Hey… Y/N do you mind coming here for a sec?”

“Yeah sure…” 

I stepped out of the room. 

“Is something wrong?” It wasn’t often that he initiated a conversation that would end positively.

“No,no, not at all, I just want you to meet someone,” 

When I entered the kitchen the same woman from before was still there. My dad walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

“This is my girlfriend, Camilla” 

I knew it . I knew it! I was trying not to be hostile toward her every problem I had was towards my dad so I smiled and waved to her.

“Camilla this is Y/N,” he pointed to me. 

“Well I’ll let y’all get acquainted,” He said before leaving the room.

I sat on the kitchen island and waited for her to say something first. 

“Look, I would just like to put it out there that I’m not trying to replace your mom in anyway.”

“Thanks I appreciate it,” 

“Also, are you okay now?” She asked in a low voice.

“Huh?” I questioned.

“Your dad said you ran away,” Of course he did “and I saw the news with your school at the Washington Monument.” So I guess she knew more about me then expected. Not surprised she was the one to ask me and not my so called dad.  

“Thanks for your concern but I’m fine, and sorry to cut this conversation short but I’m drained.” 

“Oh, okay, have a nice night,” 

“You, too,” 

I didn’t have time to think about anything. I just made it back to my room and face planted onto my bed. My whole being was sore including my brain. I didn’t have the energy to change my clothes, to shower, to think about my dad being a pathological liar or anything else that happened today.

I was awoken by my dad. I didn't know how long I slept but the sun was out. I can’t remember the last time I was able to sleep while the sun was up. 

“Hey we’re going out, for family bonding and I want you there with us,”

Family.

We ain’t ever been a family before why start now. Is what I really wanted to say but I sucked it up because again I hadn’t seen my sisters in a while. 

The movie was really boring. If we’re being honest. 

I pulled Aaliyah and Sapphire aside as my dad and Camilla were deep in conversation. 

“You know how I was staying at Wade’s house right?” 

They both nodded.

“What did dad tell you about this,” 

Sapphire just shrugged and Aaliyah was the one to post.

“I dunno he didn’t say much like usual he just kinda said you just left,” 

I felt my jaw tightening as I processed her words, my fist clenching by my side. 

“Oh, oh okay,” I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth a couple times “Well I just want you to know I’d never leave y’all without a very good reason, and I never won’t come back,” 

By the time we got back to the house it was around twelve since we watched another movie and went to a restaurant. Then got ice cream. This is the most money my dad could’ve possibly spent on me in a long time. I mean he didn’t because I didn’t get anything and bought my own ticket. I didn’t want him to be able to use the fact he bought me stuff against me. I’d gotten tired of the “after I’ll I’ve done for you,” excuse. 

I couldn’t sleep. No matter what I tried I couldn’t sleep. I tried NyQuil, melatonin, and even tea. The tea really did more harm than good. 

This was an extremely stupid thing to do so don’t follow my lead but I was bored. 

I grabbed a lot of useless shit from the floor of my room and made my way to the roof. I poured hand sanitizer on it and set it on fire. Putting aside the fact that it was really weird the fire was oddly beautiful. I sat there watching it for a minute before stomping it out. 

I was going to text my friend Carmen but I realized she was supposed to be asleep and I didn’t want to get her in trouble. 

I ended up scrolling through Zillow for a while then that turned into me applying for like four jobs. In which turned into me making spamming multiple friends saying we needed to hang out.

While I was on Zillow there was a relatively cheap apartment in Queens. Which was close to my school. It kept drawing me in for some reason. I bookmarked the tab.

Before I knew it the sun was up. I figured if I couldn’t sleep I would go on a walk to the park. 

When I got back to the complex everyone was still asleep except my dad who walked outside like he was waiting on me. He grabbed my arm, squeezing it tightly. 

He basically told me I looked like a prostitute. I was running so my sports bra and leggings were actually pretty appropriate. He said that I was probably going out to fuck people and that’s where I always was. I opened my mouth to defend myself.

“Actually I was just going to the-“ I was cut off by a sharp sting on my cheek. 

He fucking slapped me. Hard at that. He then grabbed my arm even tighter than before dragging me into the house.

 I don’t know what hurt worse my face or that fact that I wouldn’t be able to blame him being drunk on all the times he’d hit me before. He was just an ass.

  By the time I made it back to my room it felt like my body was burning itself from the inside out. My face was red and so was my arm from my elbow to almost my wrist. To try to cool myself down I took a cold shower and took some Tylenol. 

I still couldn’t sleep but tonight it was because it was so hot. I really needed a fan in my room. It was already 6 so I just decided to get a head start at the school. Not without taking pictures of my bruises before covering them with green concealer and foundation. I wore a hoodie for good measure. 

I felt dizzy and decided it was probably best not to skate at the moment and I’m 90% sure I fell asleep on the subway.  Apparently we had an art project due which I had no idea existed in the first place so I wasn’t going to that class today. Even though I did truly love Ms. Kramer. I was just gonna skip and go to Bri’s class. Which just happened to be chemistry. 

I wasn’t surprised Mr. Cobwell asked no question when I walked in. I ate lunch in his class a couple times, he was chill. He continued on talking about Quantum Theory. 

I made Flash move from his seat next to Bri which he immediately did. I guess he was scared of me now. 

“Hey,” I said, placing my non bruised side of my face on the desk.

“Hey,” She whispered back. “What class are you supposed to be in?” 

“Art,” 

“Why are you there? You love art,” 

“I’m not feeling it today,” 

“Alright,” she nodded.

“Lemme use your AirPods,” 

She reached into her bag handing them over going back to taking notes. That didn’t last long.

“What ya watching?” She asked.

“Bad Girls Club,” I smiled knowing she liked this show. 

“What season?” 

“7,” I whispered because now I felt too weak to waste my energy on speaking. I placed the phone on my lap and she took the other AirPod and before I knew I class was over with Tasha throwing trash everywhere.

I figured I was feeling sick because my blood sugar was low or something so I drank some Apple juice at lunch and called it a day.

Now time for Physics. I hate physics. Why would science ever require so much math? 

It was so hot. Like on the face of the sun, hot but I couldn’t take my hoodie off because I felt like I’d sweat my foundation off. 

“Are you okay?” Peter asked me “You look pale,” I swear if he doesn’t learn to mind his business.

“I’m fine,” I told him, not sure if I was trying to convince him or myself, I gestured to his notebook. “Do your work,” 

“Alright fine,” he said reluctantly, glancing at me once before getting back to writing whatever we were supposed to be doing down.

 I pulled my hoodie back over my head and sat up in my seat about to try to do my work again. But it was so hot and I was so dizzy that I couldn’t focus.

The world began to swirl and I knew the switch in my brain was going to flip off. I just didn’t have time or enough energy to tell anyone. 

When I woke up I was in a bed in the nurse's office and the first thing I noticed was I didn’t have my hoodie. Shit. I used to make fun of people for passing out because how does your own body clock out on you? Until it started happening to me like last year. 

I went into the bathroom and sure enough the giant bruise on my cheek and arm were kinda visible. 

Again shit.

I patted my forehead with a cold paper towel because the nurse’s bathroom actually had paper towels unlike all the others, before the nurse came back. 

“Hello, Are you feeling okay?” 

I nodded. She smiled down at me before giving me water and checking my temperature. 

“You have a fever,” she said after looking down at the thermometer “We called dad to come and pick you up but we got no answer. Is there anyone else that can come and take you?” 

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. 

I drank some more of the water before speaking up. 

“I have a friend who’s at this school she could maybe drop me off?” 

“I’m not sure if that’s allowed,” she said. 

“You know what? Go back to class, get your friend and come right back.”

I pushed off the bed and headed out of the nurses office surprised to find Peter sitting on the bench outside it. 

“Are you okay?” He asked me again 

“Yes I’m okay” I nodded. Apparently I wasn’t as okay as I thought because I almost tripped over my leg trying to move. But Peter immediately reached his hand out to stabilize me. And I don’t know why that made me as angry as it was but I said “I don’t need you to help,” harsher than I need to. 

“Sorry,” I said calmly almost immediately after. 

“It’s okay,” He said scratching the back of his neck.

“If you don’t mind me asking where’d these bruises come from,” 

“I fell,” was all I said. He looked skeptical but that was all he was going to get, I didn’t need CPS all up in my business. That’s also payback for him lying to me about “cat scratches”. 

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Yeah, anything,” he said. 

“Can you go get Briana from Mr. Dell’s class for me?” 

“Yeah I’ll be right back,” he said before sprinting down the hallway. I giggled at his giddiness. It was still extremely hot everywhere my body was tingling. 

Bri ran towards me 

“Oh my god are you okay,” 

“I’m fine, I just need you to talk to the nurse with me real quick,” 

She apparently didn’t have her car with her today so she was a no go. 

“I’m sorry girl,” she said, pulling me into a hug. 

“It’s okay, go back to class now,” I said.

“Alright feel better,”

I walked back out of the office to find none other than Peter still waiting there.

“So what happened?” He asked.

“Looks like I’m walking home,” I smiled sarcastically. “Yay,”

“I can walk you home,”

“No, thank you” 

“I insist,” I laughed again 

“I still think that word is funny,” I said.

“Okay, now let me walk you home,” 

We were walking in no general direction. No one but MJ and Bri know my address and  I’d like  to keep it that way. 

“Wait, you need food,” He claimed.

We ended up at this place called Delmar’s Deli. I’d passed it a couple times while walking home and during my less legal “hobby”. I really wasn’t hungry at all. I took all of like two bites from my sandwich claiming I’d take it to go before throwing it away. It wasn’t bad, it was quite good, actually I just wasn’t hungry. 

“My aunt is a nurse at an emergency room, she can check you out,” I hate anything that's anything like a hospital at all brings terrible memories, but I didn’t want him to know where I lived so I agreed. I’d ditch him then.  

It took us a while to get there but by the time we did I had to stop and catch my breath. He offered to walk me home and got me food. What a Spiderman thing to do. I’d say I had much solid proof to go on by now.  

“Peter!” The gorgeous brunette woman came over to the waiting room “What are you doing here don’t you have school?” 

“Yeah but my friend-“ When her eyes ghosted over to my face she cut herself off. “Oh my God are you okay,” she referred to my bruises “What happened to you?” 

“Did Flash do this to her?” She asked Peter and I had to stifle a laugh at that. I wish he would try to lay a finger on me. 

“No, she just told me she fell, we’re here cause she fainted and I don’t know if the school nurse is very capable of actually helping,” 

Is this a new thing Peter just decides to randomly worry about me for no good reason and forces me into taking care of myself. Because I hate it. 

“Oh, ok,” She nodded her head. “Grab one of those questionnaires over there,” She pointed to the sign in table. “Are your parents going to come too?” She asked and I shook my head. 

She and Peter moved over to the side and started talking about something I had no interest in. I grabbed the questionnaire and sat on the edge of the closest seat.  

1. What’s your age?

That’s easy 15.

2. Specify your race 

African American of course.

3. Select your highest level of education

Some high school

4. What’s your marital status? 

Single never married. Unless you count that un-ordained wedding I once had.

5. Specify your employment status

A student. 

6. Have you ever been treated in an emergency room (specify age)? 

Yes, as a child. 

7. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital? If yes, do you remember why?

Okay wow. Yes. 

I sat on the cold bathroom floor, vision blurry from tears forming in my eyes. 

“Y/N, you okay in there?” I heard my brother ask after lightly rapping his fingers on the door. 

“Yeah, I’m okay!” 

No I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay at all. In fact I was the farthest thing from okay. I glanced down at my thighs, you could see cuts from the night before and scars peeking out from underneath my shorts. I was sobbing at this point. 

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if it was for myself or to everyone I knew I’d hurt by this. I already had the headache. I was just waiting for the rest of the pills to kick in. 

I was holding onto the sink for support when the left side of my body started to feel tingly. The whole situation felt hazy. I was shaking hard before I fell, taking almost everything on the sink with me. 

My head hit the bathmat and I could feel my heart slowing and hear my breath become shallow. I heard the doorknob jingle and that was the last thing before a feeling of true bliss and peace took over my body. 

I could hear screams and sirens and I knew I was in an ambulance. Slowly I awoke with wires all over my body and an IV in my wrist. My limbs were dead weight, I couldn’t move. 

A single tear fell from my eye alerting me off my surroundings. I quickly came back to myself. I made up the excuse of a family emergency and left.

I ended up halfway across the city. Then in Brooklyn visiting a friend. 

I knocked on the window of Aaron’s apartment. I could see Miles sitting on the couch.

“How’ve things been over here?” I asked once I was settled on the couch as well. 

“Uh, pretty tame, and you?” 

“There was that whole elevator stunt and I almost fucking died which was fun.” 

“Forgot you never take anything seriously,” He rolled his eyes. 

I laughed in response “Well one of us has got to be fun for us since it’s clearly not you,” 

“In celebration of me not dying I’m making sundaes,” 

“Alright,” He said leaning back on the couch. 

“Hey uh, When’s Aaron coming back?” I asked, getting the whipped cream out of the fridge.

“I’m not sure,” 

This is actually like really fucking dangerous. Like it could kill me. It’s just I was already in pain and had a headache. I also wasn’t thinking. I’d already made the sundaes. I turned around so Miles couldn’t see what I was doing before I- Okay I’m not going to do this. Get it together God you’re acting like an addict. The amount of people who’ve died from inhalants were insane. There it is again death. 

“Drawn anything new lately?” I asked, wanting to get my mind off of the topic of death that seemed to be plaguing my brain lately.  

“Some small sketches,”

I got the text that’d I been waiting for. I’d been talking to Aaron for the past few days. I’m not sure how Miles would feel about that. So I haven’t said anything. 

But I got the text. 

Staten Island Ferry 3pm

I immediately popped up from the couch.

“I have to go like right now, it’s an emergency,” 

I sprinted towards the door almost running into the punching bag in front of me. 

“Y/N-“ 

It’d been a week and things were looking up. I had a great day yesterday without the use of any drug. But nothing good ever lasts too long. I didn’t have to worry about that now. What I needed to worry about, was getting Peter to stop falling on his ass. 

I tried not to laugh at him and failed. 

“It’s not funny,” he said, pulling me down with him as I reached out to pull him up. Soon he was laughing too. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and saw that Aaron texted me. 

hey the results from the search came in.

what???? don’t play with me I’m on my way right now. 

“Uh hey I gotta go sorry,” 

“No it’s fine I probably should get home too,” He pushed off the ground reaching down for me. 

“Do you wanna do this again tomorrow?” He asked a hopeful glint in his eye once we were both on our feet.

“Yeah sounds nice,” I smiled.

“Okay,” He nodded.

“Okay,” I echoed heading off. 

Ned was being fucking stupid.

“NO!” I slammed my hands down on the table “You don’t stab anyone especially if you plan on using bleach to clean up the blood. At least use vinegar and lemon,”

“Okay, jeez,” he said reeling back, “How would you do it then?” 

Before I could say anything MJ spoke up

“You could just use a needle full of air in between their toes, Their heart would fail” 

“Orrr,” I said spinning around on top of the table towards Ned. “You could overdose them on potassium and by the time the police get there the potassium in their blood is back at a normal level,” 

“Yeah that works too,” MJ stated going back to whatever she was drawing.

“You guys scare me,” Ned muttered making me smile. 

“Where’s Peter?” I asked and Ned pointed across the room. 

There he was sitting by Liz. It was cute I knew about his little crush on her. I’m sure the whole school did. Glad it’s working out for him. However that did not stop the pain in my stomach. 

I got up from the table because suddenly I did not want to be at school anymore. 

“Where are you going?” MJ looked up at me.

I shrugged. In all honesty I had no I idea where I was going. Somehow I always end up at Wade’s house when I don’t know where I want to go. He wasn’t home but I had a key. I can’t remember if he gave it to me or I stole if we're being honest. 

Clearly I hadn’t passed by a mirror in a while because damn. I look terrible. 

My eyes were red and circled with a dark hue from lack of sleep. I still had a yellowing bruise on my cheek. I was pale. I looked to be on the verge of death. 

I looked frail, like at any second I’d just fall apart. 

It was so unfair. My bones dragged down my body. The pieces of my soul that were mined out and removed from my mind. There’s a hole leaving me forever longing and I cannot fill nor feel. Hiraeth, a beautiful word for a ugly feeling. longing for a home that I never truly had, a home in which I’d never return. I would like to drift to where my spirit lies. It’s in the eyes of you and me and everyone in between. Drifting on a small boat in the sea. Viridian. Yes! That's the place I would like to be, that's where my soul lies yes you see.

 I kept punching his punching bag over and over again. Until I was on my back on the floor begging my lungs to allow air into them with Time (Is) by Solange playing on loop. Something put it into my head that I had to kill Vulture. I’d never directly killed anyone but that was gonna change. Having people killed or knowing someone was going to kill someone and not doing anything about isn’t killing anyone in my book, but I’m sure it would be in Spidey’s

That’s literally Liz’s dad though…

Okay maybe I’d just get him locked up. Great now I gotta be a snitch. That’s new. I showered not even caring about my hair now my curls were sticking to my face. I was freezing now though. I didn’t know whether to be glad that my body wasn’t on fire anymore or be upset that I was covered in goosebumps. 

Wade’s laptop was sitting right there on his bed. I was only taking a shower but, I think I should be allowed to watch Netflix and he wouldn’t mind, I was already on his account anways. 

After like 3 episodes into this random show there was a folder that was calling to me for some reason. 

It’d be okay to take a sneak peek. I thought to myself. 

I clicked on it and it was locked. I guessed the password in like three tries. He’s really gotta up his password game. It opened to multiple folders, one with my mom's name. Okay I had to click this then. 

I opened it which opened to more folders one titled ‘In Case of My Death’. 

Okay, okay cool my mother has had a video of what to do all if she died all along. This would’ve come in handy five years ago. 

There were three videos with the names of myself and my sisters. I clicked on mine then paused it. 

Then unpaused it again. 

I couldn’t do it. Okay, yes I could. I played it again. As soon as I heard the beginning of the word “hi”. I shut the computer off. I couldn’t do this. Couldn't do it because I was weak, I couldn’t handle myself. I was stupid and weak and a fucking disappointment. Guess my dad had been right all these years. I knew there was always some truth to the words he spoke only a matter of time until I started acknowledging it. 

I don’t remember coming home to the apartment. And I definitely don’t remember writing all over the walls of my dad’s room. But I had a marker in my hands and it looked like a toddler had gone to town. 

Holy Shit 

He was actually going to murder me, in cold fucking blood.  I trashed, the living room area, his room, and then mine. I was not coming home tonight. Looks like I’d need to find a new home now. At this point that sounded like a pretty solid plan. 

I text my sisters a quick text ‘stay at grandma’s house tonight dad is going to pissed like Super Sayian mode’ before grabbing my go-bag which was: a bag of the essentials, like hygiene a couple shirts, shorts, hoodies, pants, and of course the flash drive can't forget the flash drive. 

The flash drive that’s driving me crazy. I’d yet to open it though.  I knew I was crazy because I did all this while fucking sobbing.

I wandered around for hours. Making my way to Brooklyn, Manhattan, Harlem, AND actual New York City.  

Somehow I still ended up at Olivia’s door at the end of the day. I honestly believe we were soulmates. Most people don’t know you get many soulmates in a lifetime. I think Olivia and I would be the karmic kind. A karmic relationship is meant to help you grow, but it is never meant to last—it's often playing out a bad experience from a past life. I’m guessing I hadn’t grown yet because here I was.

She opened the door after a second. I’m surprised she did because I used our special knock so I knew she knew it was me. 

“I can’t fucking do this anymore,” I screamed in her face. 

“You're the one going off and being secretive and shit, like you’re scared I’m gonna hurt you or something,” she yelled walking up the stairs. 

I followed after her, 

“Maybe you would hurt me. I don’t know you are insane,” I said, tears brimming my eyes. 

“Just because you have fucking daddy issues, doesn’t mean you have to carrying them into every part of your life,” 

“I have daddy issues?” I screamed soon turning into me choking on a laugh making an unhinged noise “Oh, I have fucking daddy issues, now? Oh, okay,” I nodded. 

“Your parents didn’t even fucking want you,” I pointed at her. “At least my mom stuck around before she died,” 

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” 

“Yeah well right back at you,” 

“You’re fucking psychotic! Literally you’re so much like your dad and you don’t even know it, You’re trying to please him and he doesn’t give two shits about you, Wake up Y/N! Wake up.” 

“I’m hard on you because I love you so much,” She claimed, but her love was suffocating. 

“Oh yeah? I asked “Well i don’t know how much more of this ’love’ I can take,” 

“Fine then,” She screamed. 

“Fine,” I said before she slammed the door in my face leaving me standing out in the cold crying. 

That wasn’t even the worse we’d said to each other. It was the first but not the last time we’d break up either. I do believe we loved each other though in our own twisted way. Well at least I know I loved her. 

“Hey,” She said softly as she could sense I was due to break at any second. My cheeks were probably tear stained. 

“Hey,” I whispered back. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. 

“No,” I shook my head. One thing I liked about her is I didn’t have to fake it around her, because masking my real emotions was so draining. At least I didn’t have to do it with everyone. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“No,” 

“Okay,” she said softly “My parents aren’t home, so you don’t have to worry about them,” not surprised. 

I nodded before she grabbed my hand bringing me inside.

“I missed you,” she said stroking my hair as I laid on her bed, my head in her lap. 

“I missed you too,” I wasn’t lying my head drifted to her from time to time. It wasn’t that I wanted to get back together I just missed her presence.  

She smiled sadly at me running her finger over the bags on my eyes. 

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” She quotes.

“Yeah well, ’m not queen or princess and definitely don’t have a crown, so we don’t gotta worry ‘bout me,” I said. 

“You’re a princess to me,” I gave a genuine yet tired smile at that.

“You can go to sleep, it’s okay,” She said.

That was the first time I was actually able to fall asleep and without medicine or having to go on a walk or do anything really. 

I woke up in the bed alone only to find Olivia sitting at her kitchen island eating spaghetti. 

She smiled when she saw me coming into view. 

“Sleep well?” She asked.

“Yeah surprisingly,” How long had I been asleep for I wondered.

“It’s 10 pm,” She said, still being able to read me. 

I made my way over to her and sat across her.

“So what’s really going on with you miss Y/N?” She questioned. 

I shrugged “I don’t know, nothing,”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Cause I’m not buying,” 

I explained to her how my dad was being weird and how I wanted to move out now. How I had pretty much vandalized the house. How I found the video of my mom. Just everything. Well maybe not everything I didn’t tell her about Vulture because I feel like she’d try to do something and I didn’t want her to get hurt. 

“Oh wow, damn... holy shit. Are you gonna watch your moms video?” She asked. Huh I hadn’t thought about that.

“I mean of course I will, yeah,” I nodded “Probably, I don’t know I’m scared,”  

“Wouldn’t you rather just push the fear back and watch then wonder the rest of your life what it says.” 

I sighed. Can't argue with that logic.

“I’m assuming you came here because you need a place to stay?” She said. 

“Yes, I need a place to stay just for a while but I don’t want it to seem like I’m just using you I can find somewhere else,” 

“Now it’s fine stay as long as you need but my dad gets back at the end of the month and we both know he doesn’t like you,” She chuckled at the last sentence and I laughed too. 

I was on the ferry heading towards Staten Island now. I knew the sale was for these weird alien shits but that's pretty much all I knew. I figured I’d sort of “out bid” the buyers then get rid of everything. By outbid I mean straight up steal. Some guy in a white pickup truck is officially my target. Thorn was still on hiatus. Meaning no knives unless you count the pocket knife I always had on me, no suit. I did have a trejo though, you know just in case. I couldn’t help my mind from drifting to Pop Smoke’s “I got it on me”. I let out a small laugh.  

I was hiding behind some car waiting for a crack in the plan to slip in. 

That was until Spiderman showed up. It’s like he had a sixth sense to ruin all of my plans. 

Shit 

Well abort mission. Just as I started walking around to get to the side of the boat. The van I was next to had Vulture literally coming out of it. I knew it’d looked familiar. 

I made it up to the top deck looking down on everything unfolding. So a quick rundown,  the FBI was here, meaning Tony Stark or someone with government clearance probably did something because I highly doubt that Spiderman, the Spiderman that I’ve seen hit a window like a bird while swinging, had any government clearance. 

See now I was looking to find a good time to make my escape. That was until that purple alien shit started spewing stuff beams of light through the ship. And fuck, I look away for one second and the new Shocker guy was gone. I turned around and saw he was running in another direction. I chased after him the rubber of my sneakers squeaking on the deck. 

I jumped down onto Shocker’s back sending us both to the floor before he pushed me off. I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I heard something pull in my leg. 

He jumped off onto the Vulture and I knew I couldn’t do anything anymore. Not like I was just going to shoot them down in public. I saw the light shooting down the middle of the ferry. I was gonna make a run for it but the loud squeal noise was so loud I fell over. Soon I was slung back into what I think was a bench not entirely sure I just knew it hurt like a bitch. 

I’m pretty sure I feel unconscious for like 30 seconds. 

But that was enough because the boat had already split in half and I couldn’t get to the deck or a lifeboat. However Spider-Man was frantically trying to get it together. 

I was trying to be hopeful because everything was looking up, as the parts of the ship got closer together but I think we all know the saying ‘what goes up must come down’ 

Over the ringing in my head I could assume that things were fixed because people were cheering. One thing that comes from cheering is movement and if I learned anything from the elevator it’s that moving in a very unstable metal death box is not a good idea. 

The ship was falling apart again until it wasn’t. It was pushed back together by I could only assume would be our government clearance guy Tony Stark. I looked out the window and yep there he was. 

As soon as I got on solid ground I called my sisters.

“Hiii!” I exclaimed. “Where are you, are you okay?” 

“Yes we’re fine, and where at grandma’s house like you told us to go to where else would we be,” I could almost hear the eye roll in Liyah’s voice. 

“Okay little Miss attitude stay there until I can feel everything out with dad,” 

“Alright,” 

“Okay I love you guys,” I said, getting a small “love you too” from Sapphire. 

“I know,” was the response I got from Liyah. I almost gasped the audacity of this child. 

“Say it back,” 

“Say it back,” She mocked, evoking laughter from both sides of the call. 

“Okay love you too byeeee,” She said hanging up. 

I smiled, I know as much as we get into petty arguments or try to annoy each other on purpose but I’d go to hell and back for those girls. And that’s exactly what I was going to do.

Taglist: 

@tomdiddlyumptious

[patch410]

Buddie First Kiss

(Nighttime in Buck's apartment. Opening shot, from a short distance, a set of keys on the bar side of the island in Buck's kitchen. The door opens, Buck enters the apartment pulling his keys from the deadbolt.  Eddie stands behind him in the doorway just outside, staring down. Buck walks over to the island, sets his keys on the counter, phone on the charger, turns around. Eddie is still standing in the doorway, now looking at Buck) BUCK: Aren't you coming in? (Eddie walks into the room, now staring at his own keys on the counter) BUCK: How 'bout a beer? (Eddie shakes his head. As Buck walks over and shuts the front door-) BUCK: Come on, I know Christopher's staying at his friend's, we're not working tomorrow, so you don't have to rush off.  Have a beer and maybe a little Mighty Fight Fed? EDDIE: No, I'm good (Eddie puts his hand on his keys. Buck walks up behind Eddie, puts his hand on top of Eddie's on the counter) BUCK: But you're not good. You said almost nothing on the ride over, not a word on the way up. Something's eating at you, what's the problem? (In a quick move, Eddie grabs Buck by the front of his shirt, pushes him up against the door, Buck slides down a little. Buck's face is pure shock) EDDIE: (angry but not loud) YOU. You're the problem. Why do you do it? I was fine, getting the ready for the ladder and setting the lines up. But you, you have to walk twenty feet on a narrow ledge three stories up, without a line, and nothing set up on the ground. One slip and you're gone forever. BUCK: (a little angry) Our side was cleared, the hall was gonna be blocked, and with that many people it looked like you had a 2-man job, and you had all the safety lines. EDDIE: (Louder, in Buck's face) GONNA be blocked! LOOKED like a 2-man job! I'm not a kid, if I need help, I can ask. But Full Buck fears no risk and I’m forced to watch. Don't you have any idea how much I care about you? (Eddie is breathing heavily. He looks Buck in the eyes and kisses him hard. Buck's face reverts to shock, but he quickly responds to Eddie, Buck puts an arm around Eddie's back, his other hand on Eddie's neck.  They continue to kiss, several times, lasting almost 10 seconds. Eddie is still holding Buck against the door, when he stops and looks down. Both men are breathing heavily now) BUCK: Eddie . . . Eddie, I feel the same way . . . I want you . . . I didn't think . . . (Eddie lets go and pulls back, Buck's arms reaching out for him as he goes) EDDIE: Didn't think, what a surprise! BUCK: Come on, Eddie, don’t. (Eddie turns around to the counter, leans with his hands on the corners, he takes a couple of deep breaths. As he stands upright-) EDDIE: I can't do this. It's too much. (Eddie reaches for his keys, starts to pull them off the counter. Buck is there in a flash, slaps the keys out of Eddie's hand back to the counter, grabs Eddie under the arms, pushes him against the wall next to the door and presses body against Eddie's. Eddie doesn't resist, just stares over Buck's shoulder) BUCK: No, no. You do not get to prove we're in love and then walk out. EDDIE: Let me go, Buck. BUCK: No. I'm not gonna just let go. EDDIE: How long do you think you can hold me here? BUCK: I'll stand here all night til we get this straightened out. EDDIE: Let me go, Buck. BUCK: Not until you promise not to leave before you and I are settled. EDDIE: And if there's nothing to settle? BUCK: Nothing to settle . . . That's a load of crap and you know it. PROMISE! EDDIE: Okay, okay, I promise. (Buck eases away from Eddie, but keeps his hands resting on Eddie's shoulders) BUCK: Eddie, even before tonight we knew we cared a lot about each other. I look at you and I wanna be with you. We have so much together, more now, how can you even think of walking away? (Eddie looking fierce) EDDIE: It'll be tough, but I can if I have to. BUCK: (in a rush) But, you don't have to. I'm sorry I scared you. I can do better. (**Buck leans his lips into Eddie's neck, starts kissing his neck as he speaks. Eddie's eyes close, feeling the pleasure, he leans his head back, breathing a little harder**) BUCK: **(slower, passionately) I will do better, Eddie, I mean it. I'll do whatever it takes, whatever you want. I'll do anything for you. I'd carry you up a mountain, walk through flames for you** (At the last line, Eddie's head snaps down. he pushes Buck hard enough he falls back into the counter.  Buck breathing hard, half-standing, leaning against the counter Eddie takes deliberate steps towards him) EDDIE: (really angry) That's exactly what I don't want. You're no good to me dead, or to Christopher.  One too many risks and I might have to watch you die. Christopher and I would have to stand with Maddie and your friends as we plant you six feet under. I guess I thought you'd stay alive for Chris, if not for me. You'd fight for him. (Buck still breathing hard, distraught and in shock at Eddie’s temper, clutching the counter, almost in tears) BUCK: (pleading) Please, Eddie EDDIE: (catching his breath, sighs) Okay, Okay, calm down (Eddie helps seat Buck in a bar stool. He walks over to a cabinet, pulls out a whiskey bottle and two shot glasses, sets them on the counter. He looks at Buck for a second. He fills the shot glasses) EDDIE: Here. (Eddie hands Buck his shot. Buck hunched over, stares at it like he doesn't recognize it, then downs it fast. Eddie does his slower. Buck breathes more controlled, then holds his shot glass out to Eddie, for another) EDDIE: (putting the bottle away) No, no more whiskey; I know where more shots leads us at this point. BUCK: Such a terrible a thing? EDDIE: Not settling a thing. BUCK: (looking down, after a second) Okay, then. While you're up, grab me a beer from the fridge. (Eddie shakes his head, gets two beers from the fridge, opens them, hands one to Buck. Buck takes a swig) BUCK: Yes, I would fight for Christopher. But it's because you're part of him. When I look at him, I see the bravest and happiest parts of you staring back at me. How could I not love your little boy? Of course, he's important to me, but Christopher's not the one I fell in love with. EDDIE: Fell in love. I wanted to think it was possible, but I thought you only wanted to be best buds. BUCK: I thought that, too. You were married, had a kid. What was I supposed to think? EDDIE: I've seen you with Taylor, but your thing with Abby made me think you couldn't be into me. BUCK: With Abby? Why Abby? You weren't even around when we were together. EDDIE: The absent girlfriend who held your heart, you didn't even try to move on for ages. It was like she was the only one who could make you feel like that. It's LA, lots of chances out there, and you didn't see them. Didn't see me. (Eddie takes a sip of his beer) BUCK: Yeah, it took therapy for me to sort out my feelings. All my feelings, including some "latent feelings towards men," Dr. Copeland said. Guess what relationship in my life triggered that discussion? EDDIE: Oh. BUCK: Yeah. But you were hung up on me and Abby. EDDIE: Okay, yes, I was. The night of the Pacific Western accident finally convinced me. BUCK: A train wreck. How fitting. EDDIE: Yeah. She's back in your life for an instant and you're already ignoring a triage decision, ignoring your own safety, just to please her. Watching you hanging on that unstable train car that could crash down at any second, yes, I was scared, but I was angry, too. I'd just changed my will to make you Chris's guardian. I knew it was right for him. I was trying to figure out the best way to tell you. But there I am, seeing you with a power saw, dangling 75 feet above the ground, risking your life, and I think, “He's made himself expendable . . . again . . . so maybe he can save Abby's fiancé. Am I an idiot, or what?” BUCK: You have no idea how important you were to me that night. I guess I should've let you know.  Okay, maybe I felt I owed Abby something, and saving Sam would be a weird repayment of the debt. EDDIE: (mutters, low voice) Unprofessional. (Buck ignores this) BUCK: During the rescue task, you know your mind is on nothing else, it can't be. Afterwards, when they were taking Sam to the ambulance, with Abby next to him, but looking back at me, it was like acid in the back of my throat and being forced to swallow it slowly, and it hurt. A lot. But the first thing I saw after the ambulance door closed was you. You were worried about me, how I felt. I still hurt badly, but you made me feel like I had good things in my life, that there was love. You were the balance that let me go on. EDDIE: You asked why I waited to tell you about the change in my will. The Abby thing was a big part.  But you've done this other times, too. I'm not handling it well and I'm not sure I can. (Buck looks down, slowing turning the beer bottle) BUCK: Like when? EDDIE: The rope rescue; Jumping from that other apartment building. BUCK: Only option left. You tied the rope. You made the jump, twice. EDDIE: The sanitizer factory. BUCK: Got lost and found the last worker. You'd have done the same. EDDIE: He said he told you to save yourself when he got trapped. BUCK: And leave him to burn to death alone? You'd have done the same. EDDIE: Climbing that crane with a sniper out there. At least I didn't have to watch that one in motion. BUCK: You were in the hospital with a GSW. I was raw, I couldn't stand to see someone else hurt. EDDIE: But that's what it always is, Evan. Everyone else's life is always more important than yours. You do think you're expendable. I can face danger, but your attitude is too painful for me to live with. (After a hesitation, Eddie reaches for his keys) BUCK: You do it, too. EDDIE: What? BUCK: You heard me. You do it, too. EDDIE: I don't think I'm expendable. (Buck looks up at Eddie, suddenly miffed) BUCK: No, you're the know-it-all hero who has to do it his way, risks be damned. EDDIE: (shakes his head) I'm not. BUCK: When that well collapsed in on you, I went insane. I started wildly clawing and digging at the hole shouting your name over and over. Bobby had to drag me away and hold me lying on the ground until I calmed down. But you know what I saw when I was madly digging that was driving me nuts? A cut safety line. You cut the line. Deliberately. You want scared? I was at the other end when the line went slack. EDDIE: Okay, I never knew how I scared you. But down in that hole, I couldn't leave. I had cut through the old well to get to him. I had just touched him; the water was rising. I couldn't be pulled out then, I had to cut the line. BUCK: How long, Eddie? How long would it have taken to get out, check your gear, and get you back down with an intact line. You would've been up in another 5 seconds. Two, maybe three minutes tops, for everything else including getting back down. More time than it took Chim to suit up, gear up, and get down that hole. Except you would've had your line and Chim wouldn't have had to go down. We got Chim and the kid out okay, it was only the need for a second trip that damn near cost you your life. You had to do it your way. EDDIE: (a little testy) I was down there by myself and had to make decisions with spotty communications. I did what I thought was best. We all have to make decisions like that sometimes. BUCK: Yes, we do. You decided to volunteer for the rescue. You decided to break safety protocol. You decided to cut the line and endanger your life. You wanna dump me for taking too many risks. You do it, too. EDDIE: One time, Buck, not like you. One time under pressure, in unusual circumstances. BUCK:  Oh, no, no, no you don't. It wasn't the only time. The gas explosions in Doheny Park, the day the system went down; another time you scared the crap out of me. You climbed up a drainpipe to the roof of a burning two story house. You complain about me walking on a ledge today when you walked 50 feet across the spine of a pitched roof with no line to make a rope entry, yes, a rope rescue, into a burning room the kid wasn't even in anymore. I thought I was gonna lose it watching you walk that roof.  I DID lose it when the last gas explosion went off upstairs and we didn't know where you were. I was ready to grab an extinguisher, climb that broken ladder on the truck and make the jump into the house to help you. EDDIE: Not a good example, Buck. You admit you were prepared to kill or cripple yourself in a half-cocked rescue attempt. Again, to help me. You were expendable cuz maybe you might help me,   BUCK: But I didn't climb the ladder, Bobby wouldn't have let me anyway. And I didn't walk that roof in full gear, either, when a gust of wind could've killed you. There’ve been other times, too. But I don't complain no matter how frightened I am. It's not an issue in how much I care about you. That's the difference; you do it, too, and all I do is have your back. EDDIE: So that's part of having your back? Say nothing about being scared to death, just live with it? BUCK: I'm just saying if you think I believe I'm expendable and it frightens you, well, sometimes when your heroics put you in danger, I admit I'm terrified. You aren't as careful as you could be. EDDIE: Then can't we just be coworkers, before it's gets to be too much, and stop scaring each other. (Eddie picks up his keys from the bar) BUCK: (head down again) You promised. EDDIE: Buck . . . (Buck looks up with a serious and determined look) BUCK: You promised not to leave my place tonight until we were settled. I'm no relationship expert, but I know that "settled" doesn't look like this. (Eddie looks down) EDDIE: I'm not sure what more I can say right now to get this settled. (Buck, still looking at Eddie smacks his hand on the bar just hard enough to get Eddie's head to snap up) BUCK: Not 'This', Eddie, 'US'. I want 'US' settled. I want us; you and me together. I know you wanted that, too. After the lawsuit you asked if I thought about how my actions affected us. Well, I'm asking you that now. (Eddie tosses his keys back on the bar, Buck looks a little relieved) EDDIE: It's more than just my actions, Buck. We have to live with danger in our job, I accept that. But when you took that chance today, just to help me, not save someone, I was almost too scared to be able to function. I felt like if you fell, I should just jump myself, like if you died it was my fault. BUCK: But I didn't fall, I made it with no problem. And you functioned at your usual peak efficiency.  We were able to get everyone down safely, in time. Together we did that. Look, you admit we deal with danger all the time. But now you want to walk away from something good, maybe even great, something we both want, out of fear of being afraid? You're the bravest man I know, I don’t get it, letting being afraid interfere with living. (Eddie steps away from the bar and faces away from Buck) EDDIE: Okay, I admit I get afraid. I fear for my family. I worry about Chris all the time, about my abuela getting older. My parents, my sisters, Tia Pepa. I've already lost my wife. I don’t think I can handle much more. (Buck leans back in the stool and pushes his legs out) BUCK: And what? You're gonna cut me out? You think you can surgically remove me from the list? (Sarcastic Laugh) You're a good medic, Eddie, but not that good. I don't believe you can cut me out, or that you really want to. And I'm gonna fight it. I haven't come this far to fold. Like I said, don't expect me to just let go. (Eddie turns slowly to face Buck-) EDDIE: Right. It's never easy with you, is it. BUCK: I guess not. I'm kinda a mess. But you knew that already. (Buck and Eddie stare at each other for a long moment. Eddie sets his phone on the counter by to his keys) EDDIE: If I'm staying, I'm gonna need a shower. (Eddie turns toward the stairs and begins to go up. Cut to Buck staring at the beer in his hand on the bar) BUCK: Yeah, of course, go ahead. You know where everything is. (Cut to Eddie near the top of the stairs, he stops and turns to look down at Buck) EDDIE: Aren't you coming? (Eddie barely raises his eyebrows, then turns to climb the last steps) (Cut to Buck at the bar, stunned, looking up the stairs, mouth slightly open. He shakes his head quickly once, looks around. He grabs the two beers from the counter and heads up the stairs, taking them two at a time)

(Morning in Buck's apartment. Buck -sleeveless t-shirt, sweat shorts- at the coffee maker next to the range pouring coffee into two mugs. Knock at the door) BUCK: Ye-ah. (clearly in a good mood) (FROM OUTSIDE): Eats Beats! BUCK: (finishing pouring the coffee) Be right there. (Buck opens the door to the delivery guy) BUCK: Good morning. DELIVERY GUY: Mornin'. BUCK: So, found the place and got in okay? DELIVERY GUY: No prob. Big brunch special from La Tiendita with chicken tortilla soup? Extra guac? BUCK: Yup, that's us. Wow, you got here fast. Not much traffic? DELIVERY GUY: Yeah, be careful, the soup's still real hot . . . muy caliente. BUCK: Thanks, here you go. Keep the change. (Buck hands the guy a twenty and takes the bag and the box) DELIVERY GUY: Thank You, sir. Enjoy your meal and have a great day. BUCK: You, too! (Buck closes the door with his foot, walks over to the bar and sets the food down on the counter, he grabs plates from the cabinet, opens the packages, starts dealing with the food. Cut to Eddie at the top of the stairs -bare foot, gym shorts, pulling on a tank top, hair's a mess- stretches his arms, starts down the stairs. Buck hears and looks up) BUCK: (big smile) Hey there. Coffee? EDDIE: Hey. Yeah. What time is it? (a little groggy, no smile) (**Buck picks up the two mugs from the counter, walks over to Eddie on the other side of the bar, hands Eddie his coffee**) BUCK: **There's a clock on the nightstand on your side of the bed. EDDIE: My side . . . It’s not there now. Must've fallen off. BUCK: Must've. It's a little past 10:30. Your phone's right there. Hope you're hungry.** (Buck takes a sip from his cup. Eddie gulps some, sets it down and picks up his phone) (**Buck transfers plates and bowls to the table, places already set**) EDDIE: **Yeah, I could eat. (while checking his phone) BUCK: Good, we should get it while it's hot.** (Buck slides his hand up the inside of Eddie's arm and gently holds Eddie's bicep. Eddie looks at the hand and looks up at Buck, almost confused. Slightly grinning, Buck ducks his head a little to look up into Eddie's eyes. He moves in for a kiss. Eddie closes his eyes and seems to reluctantly cooperate. it's a gentle kiss lasting a couple of seconds. Buck rubs Eddies arm, lets it go and turns toward the table) BUCK: Let’s eat! (Cut to table, men sitting next to each other, eating and drinking coffee. Buck cheerful, Eddie a little dour) EDDIE: You got my soup. BUCK: Is it any good? Do you like it? EDDIE: Yeah, it's fine. Coffee just how I like it, too. BUCK: Excellent. I am trying here. EDDIE: I see. (The men eat for a few seconds. As Buck is picking up his coffee) BUCK: So, when do to have to pick up Christopher? EDDIE: Tasha said around five. BUCK: They're hitting the zoo today? EDDIE: Yeah. BUCK: Christopher always enjoys that. Wasn't it the water park yesterday? EDDIE: Uh-huh. BUCK: And the movies last night? Full weekend. EDDIE: Hmm. BUCK: We could take the kids to the beach next weekend, if you want me to go along. EDDIE: Okay. BUCK: Anything else you need to do today? EDDIE: No. (Buck turns to look at Eddie) BUCK: Man, once you get started you just don't shut up, do you. (Eddie smiles for the first time but keeps on eating. Buck turns back to his food. After a second) BUCK: (softer voice) Are we gonna talk? About last night? At all? EDDIE: We seem to be doing better when we're not talking. Last night, anyway. BUCK; Well, if we do have some of the day free, I'm all in for some more "not talking." EDDIE: I bet. BUCK: Come on, Eddie. Are you still half asleep or are you really in a mood? (Eddie holds his silverware to the side of his plate and turns to look at Buck) EDDIE: Alright, Buck, what do you want me to say? I'm still pissed at you for the risk you took on the job yesterday. You know how I feel about you and yet you continue to frighten me. I'm trying to deal with that. (Eddie starts eating again) BUCK: (a little hurt) We need to trust each other more, trust the other one's instincts on the job. EDDIE: (shrugs as he picks up his coffee) It's that simple. BUCK: I didn't say it was simple. And we're still not talking about what went on upstairs last night. You're still pissed after that, it changed nothing for you? EDDIE: You know I don't think that. BUCK: Well, at least that's something. Cuz I thought it was great; I don't believe it wasn't good for you. EDDIE: It was great. For me, too. Don't doubt that. (Eddie picks up their plates and carries them to the sink as Buck fumes over his coffee. Eddie walks over to Buck and puts his hand on Buck's shoulder) EDDIE: Look, Tiger, you've got to give me time to learn to deal with this. It's taken Cap years to. I've always had a problem with how you don't look before you leap. It's just come closer to home now.  What you can trust is how I feel about you. After all the drama of yesterday and last night, looks like that's not gonna change. (Eddie runs his hand through Buck's hair.  Buck smiles as he puts an arm around Eddie's waist) BUCK: Okay . . . I guess.  So . . . Tiger . . . you said that last night. Is it gonna become a thing? EDDIE: (Grinning) Maybe. Probably. I mean you did kinda pounce, not that I'm complaining. Do you hate it? BUCK: Just the opposite. Something spontaneous from you, something wild for me, how could I not like it? EDDIE: it's still Buck at the station house. We really can't tell anyone, if we want to keep working together. BUCK: I know. Departmental policy. We won't be the first to hide it. Doesn't mean I have to like it. What about Christopher? Do we tell him? And when? And how? EDDIE: Well, obviously we're gonna have to tell him, probably sooner rather than later. Not sure, but I think he'll be glad. He really loves you. But we're not gonna decide when or how to tell him right now. BUCK: I love him, too. But WE will decide when WE tell him, right? It won't be only Dad's decision. EDDIE: Yes, WE will. You're practically a dad to him already. Listen, Tiger, we have to be cleaned up and out and about soon enough. I’m also in for some more "not talking", but we don't gotta lotta time to waste. (Buck stands up turns away from Eddie. Eddie's hand stays on Buck’s shoulder) BUCK: And after today? There's not much wasted time in your schedule, is there. How's it gonna work? EDDIE: We'll find the time. We'll make the time. Our schedules might help. We're off duty some days Christopher's in school and he sleeps like a rock most nights. And I want you to spend more time with him. (Eddie pulls Buck around to face him) I'm sorry, Buck, I'm just beginning to realize this isn't going to be easy for you. Between work and sneaking around and Christopher, you'll be seeing a lot of me and most of it won't be "us" time. BUCK: Seeing a lot of you isn't a horrible thought. More time with you and Christopher is something I want, too. We already spend a lot of time together, so it won't be that big of a change. And, hey, let's be clear; I don't need easy. I don't want easy. I want you, whatever it takes. EDDIE: You've got me, and I'll do whatever it takes. But our time is gonna be precious. We shouldn't waste it now. Come on, Tiger, let's go find that clock.

[smallest-clown]

Fuck it, I love you

Reddie fanfiction

2903 words

Summary:  Accepting your feelings for someone is hard, especially when everyone knows you love them.

***

Quick glances, quicker heartbeat, his mouth moves faster than his brain, he insults Eddie’s mom. Quick glances, shortened breath, wheezing, inhaler pump, Richie asking if he’s ok in a teasing voice, but both of them hearing the concern behind it. Staying up all night thinking of him, tiredly playing street fighter the next day, carrying a first aid kit in his bag, hand sanitizer bottles hidden everywhere. Thinking of him in class, he hides a notebook doodled with his name from his mom, he keeps comic books for him, keeps a glasses repair kit in both of his fanny packs. Constant teasing, constant jokes at each other’s expense.

The cycle repeats.

The other losers noticed quickly. This little game these two played wasn’t fooling anyone. But none of them said anything, wanting to keep their friends secret. 

Beverly was the first to find out. She noticed it when they were in the clubhouse one day. Instead of arguing and yelling at each other, the boys were calm. Eddie even was as quiet as a church mouse as he slipped into the hammock with Richie. That’s when the first thought of it came to her. She kept it to herself.

Next was Mike. He went over to Eddie’s once to talk about their science homework. Eddie’s mom wasn’t home that day. He came in to find Richie and Eddie practically on top of each other, watching some dumb movie. Neither of the boys reacted when he walked in, just asking if he wanted to join. Mike clued in then, but like Bev, kept it to himself.

Third and fourths were Ben and Stan. They caught on when Eddie got his cast taken off. The week leading up to it, Richie kept calling him lover. He said that it was him teasing him for the “stupid name on his dumb ass cast”, but the boys didn’t believe him. One night, while the two were talking, Ben mentioned it. Stan agreed that the two were getting oddly closer. The animosity between them had fizzled out. It wasn’t just them mindlessly teasing each other anymore. There was something else behind it. As if their words were a desperate attempt to keep the lid of the chest closed. Each insult, each joke, a nail keeping it shut tightly. But the losers could see the nails were getting smaller, and holding very little shut.

Next was Bill. He had found out when the losers held a meeting in the clubhouse without the boys in question. The matter at hand? How to get Richie and Eddie to realize they’re in love with each other. Bill was taken aback. In love? Rich and Ed? Impossible! Totally out of the question! Completely….true. The dots aligned perfectly. Everything made sense. Eddie would put himself in the most disgusting situation he could manage if it meant he could spend some time with Richie, and Richie would give up his afternoons playing street fighter to spend time with Eddie. Both boys would never do that for anyone else, ever. The meeting had inconclusive results, the losers just deciding that the boys will tell each other when they’re ready.

Richie was the last to find out, and he had found out in what could quite possibly be the most Richie way possible. He was home one day, practicing another accent, thinking about how much Eddie will hate it. But then his mind shifted. He didn’t want Eddie to hate it. He wanted to make Eddie laugh. He wanted to see that wide-open smile on his face. He wanted to hear his cute little wheezy laugh, with little snickers and him trying to catch his breath. He wanted to see his little nose scrunch up and his wide smile. He wanted to see his eyes with tears of joy in them, somehow looking even prettier than before. He wanted to see Eddie happy, cause whenever he was happy Richie was happy. He loved seeing Eddie happy. He loved Eddie. And god damn if that thought didn’t hit Richie like a baseball bat to the head, nothing would’ve. Richie collapsed to his bathroom floor and started panicking. No. Oh god no. He couldn’t like guys. He couldn’t be gay. No, no that’s impossible. He’s not some fag. No, he’s not some fairy. No guy could ever make him not straight. That’s impossible. Nothing made sense anymore. 

That night, he threw everything that made him think of Eddie in a box and hid it under his bed. Anything the boy had given him, anything that he got with the boy, anything he kept to keep Eddie comfortable, locked away and hidden. He stayed in the arcade for a full week, not talking to any of the losers. He just told himself he needed to take time for himself. The only time that the group saw him is when they went to the arcade to find him, but they just saw him run out the door. None of them chased him. They let him go. They agreed amongst themselves that Richie needed some time to clear himself. Eddie had to hide the sick feeling in his chest, the ball in his throat that wouldn’t go away. He just took his inhaler and put on more hand sanitizer, claiming it was just the dirt outside that was getting to him. 

Eddie was hurt. He didn’t know what he did wrong. Richie had just stopped being nice to him, and he thought he was at fault. He was so mad at himself for getting too close. Richie probably thought that he was being weird and didn’t like it, so he pushed him away. Eddie was crushed, his best friend was gone. He knew that he had feelings for Richie a while ago, but never said anything in fear of everyone leaving. If anyone found out he’d get beaten to a pulp at school. Worst, if his mother found out, he’d be sent to a “pray your gay away” camp before you could say Leviticus 20. He went home, putting his stupid notebook in the bottom of one of his drawers under all his clothes so no one could find it and pilling all the comics on a shelf he couldn’t reach without a step stool, and therefore out of his eyesight. 

Two weeks after Richie had abandoned the losers, Beverly caught Eddie crying in the clubhouse. He was sitting in the hammock, bawling to himself. He felt so cold sitting there alone.

“What’s up, Ed’s?”

She asked, lighting a cigarette. Eddie jumped, scared that someone had found him. He quickly wiped away his tears.

“N-nothing, just my allergies.”

He said shakily. Bev’s heart hurt watching this boy. She knew what was wrong. 

“Do you mind if I get in the hammock with you?”

She asked in the softest tone Eddie had ever heard her use. He nodded. She quickly put out her cigarette. Beverly climbed into the hammock and pulled the boy into a hug. Eddie’s vision was blurring again as more tears fell. He didn’t stop them. Beverly held him as he cried, rubbing his back lovingly to keep him calm. The last thing they needed right now was him having an asthma attack.

“I’m sorry.”

He whispered into her neck. Bev chuckled softly.

“You have no reason to say that Ed, it’s ok to be upset.”

She paused, taking in a slight breath.

“Have you heard from him at all?”

Eddie asked, his voice so quiet Bev almost didn’t hear him. She shook her head. Eddie pushed himself farther into the girl.

“I-i don’t know what I did wrong. He just left. It-it’s all my fault, Bev! He hates me.”

Eddie said shakily. Beverly quickly shushed him.

“Dude, don’t think like that. Richie is just being a dick because he thinks we’ll judge him. He’s trying to drown his feelings in street fighter.”

She cupped Eddie’s cheek.

“You did nothing wrong. If you did, you know he would’ve yelled at you until you either started crying or just left. Richie probably doesn't want to hurt you or any of us so he's distancing himself.”

She explained. Eddie sighed the slightest smile on his face.

“Alright, thanks, Bev.”

Beverly smiled back, giving Eddie two quick slaps to his cheek.

“No problem Eds.”

Eddie laughed. The two jumped out of the hammock.

“Let’s get out of here. It’s supposed to rain soon and god knows how musty it’s going to get in here. Oh and Eddie?”

The boy turned to face her after picking up his bag.

“I won’t tell anyone about this, it’ll be our secret.”

Eddie was walking home from the chat with Bev when he finally got to see Richie again, but it wasn’t the way he was hoping for. As Eddie passed the arcade and made his way down his street, he saw a barely standing body limping its way on the sidewalk. He didn’t think much of it, just another junkie probably, but when he noticed the curly black hair and that stupid Hawaiian shirt that was stained with blood, panic filled him.

“Richie! Oh my god! Holy fuck!”

He yelled as he ran up to the boy. Richie barely had the energy to turn around to face Eddie. Once he did finally see who it was, panic set it. He wanted to do nothing but run away full speed, but he was sadly physically incapable of doing so.

“Richie stop walking right now! You need help!”

Richie finally stopped moving, and immediately fell onto the lawn next to him. Eddie got there as quickly as he fell, helping him back up onto his feet. 

“Oh god, Richie! What happened?! You know what doesn’t matter right now. You’re coming home with me.”

Eddie exclaimed frantically, basically carrying Richie. His feet were barely touching the ground as he was dragged to his friend’s house. Richie’s heart was beating as fast as it could without exploding. He didn’t want to go home with Eddie. He didn’t want to spend time with him. But, it was probably the only way to get himself fixed up.

The boys made it to Eddie’s house. Ed carried Richie to the backyard, not willing to bring any blood that could possibly stain something in his house.

“My mom won’t be home for another 2 hours, you can stay with me until then.”

Richie nodded, not making eye contact at all. Eddie quickly ran up the steps and into his room, grabbing the first aid kit he kept under his bed. He came back outside, it clutched in his arms.

“Um, ok can you take that shirt off? Please. I need to be able to see every part of you to make sure I don’t miss anything.”

Richie just nodded. No joking comment, no gay slur. He just nodded and took his shirt off. Eddie had to stop his gasp when he saw the bruising. Richie took his bloodied shirt and threw it onto the ground in front of them. Eddie was quick to work, using the gauze pads to wipe away the blood coming from the boy’s nose and mouth, getting him to rinse it out with water so he could make sure all his teeth were still in place. Then he sanitized all the scrapes, placing band-aids on them.

“You want to tell me what happened?”

Eddie asked as if a parent about to scold their child. Silence. Eddie sighed and stopped what he was doing.

“Richie, please talk to me. I’m sorry for whatever I did, but I need you to be my friend again. Rich, please.”

Richie didn’t make eye contact, but he didn’t need it to know Eddie was upset.

“They beat me up, Ed.”

He barely mumbled. Eddie didn’t say anything, just finished putting on the last bandage.

“Bowers and his fucking group of assholes beat me up. They thought I was flirting with his cousin. I wasn’t. But they fucking beat me up.”

He explained angrily. Eddie kept his mouth shut.

“I was trying so hard! I thought I was doing great with hiding it. But then that asshole just went and lied to Bowers saying that I was trying to fuck him! They practically tried to kill me Eds.”

Richie’s eyes filled with tears. 

Eddie still kept quiet. He didn’t want to say anything and make Richie feel worse than he already did. Richie didn’t say anything else though, he just started crying. 

Eddie gently outstretched his arms, an invitation for Richie to take if he wanted to. He did, throwing himself into his hold and sobbing into his chest. Each inhales stuttered, almost as if he was gasping for air. Eddie just kept holding him, even though he was crying on him, even though there was a possibility that he was still bleeding somewhere, even though this was the easiest way to pass along germs. The more thoughts that Eddie had, the more he just replaced them with the thought of Richie. The thought of Richie smiling, the thought of Richie showing him comic books, the thought of Richie calming him down whenever his mom became too much. Richie was worth more than protecting himself from sickness. Richie was worth more than his fear. And when Richie finally looked up at him, eyes full of tears, lips quivering, his nose and cheeks a blotchy red, Eddie knew that Richie was worth more to him than life itself.

So Eddie finally showed him how much he meant. He cupped his cheeks and pulled him into a kiss. Both of their hearts were beating out of their chests. This was it, the moment the both of them had been craving forever. Chest to chest, lips pressed together, eyes closed, just breathing each other's air. Eddie was waiting for Richie to push him away, but Richie was waiting for Eddie to do the same. Neither did. So Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie, letting one hand tangled in the hair at the back of his head. He deepened the kiss, wanting to bring Eddie closer to him even though it was physically impossible for them to do that.

Eddie kept his hands on Richie’s cheeks, scared of him pulling away. His left thumb gently tracing back and forth on his cheek, causing Richie to smile into the kiss. Everything about what was happening was soft, a new feeling to Richie. He liked it, a lot. Eddie wasn’t rough with him, acting as if he was made of glass. It felt nice to be cherished this way. He felt needed. Richie could hear Eddie breathing harshly through his nose and knew that the boy was struggling to breathe. He debated continuing this until the boy had an asthma attack, but he knew better.

When they finally pulled away, a string of saliva was connected between their mouths. Richie watched as Eddie’s eyes opened and noticed it. Panic took over him. He apologized quickly but ran away. Richie could hear him run up the stairs from the open back door. His heart fell in his chest. He looked at his still stained shirt and just left it there, getting up and chasing Eddie, ready to explain himself and apologize for moving too quickly. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Eddie gargling mouthwash in the upstairs bathroom.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! God, I must seem like a dick! It’s just that like mono is going around and I really don’t want to risk catching it! It’s nothing against you, cause like, you’re really good at kissing and I’m sure you don't have it, but I still want to protect myself and-”

“Eddie, take a breath.”

Richie interrupted a fuzzy feeling in him watching the boy panic. A slight smile came onto Richie’s face watching Eddie take a deep gasping breath. He looked down awkwardly and realized he was still shirtless.

“Do you think I could borrow a shirt?”

Richie asked after a moment. Eddie nodded vigorously, speed walking to his room.

Richie, who was following close behind, walked into the room to be hit in the face with an oversized knit sweater. Eddie giggled. 

“Sorry.”

He said through his laugh. Richie just smiled, pulling the sweater on and being surrounded by the smell of Eddie. When he looked up, he saw Eddie looking at him with a worried expression. Richie opened his arms, offering Eddie a hug as he had earlier. Eddie quickly accepted, bounding across the room and throwing himself into Richie’s arms. The boys stood there, just hugging each other.

“You have no idea how long I wanted to do that.”

Eddie whispered. Richie smiled, rubbing his back.

“I’ve spent too many nights crying over you.”

Eddie said.

“Eds, that’s gay.”

Richie said, trying to break this uncomfortable feeling in his chest. Eddie just smiled, chuckling softly.

“Yeah, you can say I’m pretty gay.”

He replied, looking up at Richie. Rich leaned down and quickly kissed Eddie.

“Bro I just brush my teeth!”

“You’re not going to get mono.”

“I might! It’s possible trash mouth!”

“Shut up, Eddie Spaghetti”

“I hate you”

“No, you don’t”

"You're right….I don’t....I love you"

Richie paused, taken aback. He held his breath for a moment, debating if he should say it or not. He was risking it all.....Fuck it!

"I love you too."

***

Note: I’m a bit rusty with my writing so please me nice :)

[butterflyinthewell]

To autistic people who are starting to menstruate...

Okay I’m gonna go all auntie Cyndi on all my younger autistic followers who are new to having periods. I’ve been having my periods for over 20 years now, so I’m experienced in this.

First off, you may have your first period and not have another one for a few months. Your periods may start and happen like clockwork. Your periods may always be irregular.

It’s normal for your ovulation and menstruation to shift throughout the year just like the seasons shift the sun’s position in the sky.

On average, your period comes about two weeks after you ovulate. I’ve pinned mine down enough to know I bleed exactly 19 days after I ovulate, so I can look at a calendar and figure out within a four day margin of when to expect my period. Note that I said on average, some people may have a shorter or longer menstrual cycle.

You’ll know you’re ovulating when you produce a lot of mucus from your vagina that looks and feels like raw egg white. It’s clear, a little more viscous than your spit, it’s very slippery and it will drip out in long strings. I produce a lot, another person may not produce much. If you notice you’re really slimy down there when you’re wiping after you pee, and the toilet paper comes away with stringy slimy stuff on it, take note of the date you saw that and note the date again when get your period. Keep taking notes and a pattern may emerge. That’s your menstrual cycle.

NOTE: If you have unprotected sex during this time, you have a strong chance of getting pregnant. Sperm can swim a long way and survive a long time in the Fallopian tubes, waiting for an egg to come down. Always assume you can get pregnant between the time of finishing a period and starting the next one.

(And I hope this second one never happens to you, but...)

If you were raped during this time, and if they ejaculated inside you or on your vulva, you may get pregnant.

Always practice safe sex and use birth control if you want to avoid pregnancy, and if you were raped you need to assume they got you pregnant and get help to deal with it ASAP.

Now, lemme tell you a little about periods and autism going together.

PMS and your period can really mess with your sensory issues, your meltdown / shutdown threshold, your tolerance for socializing and your ability to control emotions.

You might have brain fog and just feel yucky and groggy.

You might find you want to sleep more or can’t sleep at all.

You might wake up with your armpits sweating heavily.

You may notice you start sweating with less exertion, or you walk into a warm room and swear you’re standing on the sun.

On the flipside, you may feel colder than usual, so walking into a cooler place will feel like walking into Antarctica.

Your skin may get more oily and that may mean greasier hair and more pimples. I know that feels unfair if you already have a lot of acne and problems with hygiene. If your hair length permits washing your hair in a sink, you can do that if a shower is too much. Try to wash your face gently with a wet washcloth when you wake up and before going to bed. Make sure to remove all your makeup before retiring to sleep if you wear any, because it will clog your pores even more if you don’t.

Your body odor may intensify, so keep baby wipes and deodorant / antiperspirant around if showering is hard. Hand sanitizer wiped on your pits can help in a situation where you realize you reek and can’t wash off, but only use that in emergencies.

You may experience some constipation and gas. That’s progesterone’s fault, sometimes it slows down your colon.

You may go from constipated to having huge, greasy poops or even some diarrhea. That’s your hormones shifting. Sometimes a period is a natural laxative because your intestines move a little faster thanks to the hormones that make your uterus contract (prostaglandins) to push out the endometrium. So if you have issues with fecal incontinence, you may have to deal with extra odors and messes when you change your incontinence protection.

Once your period starts, you’ll probably have to pee a lot more often. This is your body getting rid of the water it retained. If you deal with urinary incontinence, this might mean you need to change your incontinence protection more often to avoid infections, skin breakdown and odors.

Btw, you can dehydrate a little as your body sheds the excess water, so make sure to stay hydrated. I take three small sips or one big gulp from my water bottle after I use the bathroom during my period. It’s a helpful routine.

You may have food cravings and appetite changes. You may feel always hungry or not want to eat much or at all. Your desire to samefood might increase. (Mine is currently the cheese pizza flavored Cheez-Its.) Increased hunger is your body getting ready to lose nutrients through your menstrual flow. If you don’t feel your hunger signals, notice if you feel irritable or weak more often, it may mean you need to eat.

Your boobs may get a little bigger and get achy-feeling, so much that you can’t stand a bra or binder. You may get achy feelings in your joints or muscles. It’s likely water retention.

You may put on some weight. This is also water retention. You may find you always gain around the same about of weight each time you’re close to your period.

You may be really impulsive or take risks you wouldn’t usually take, sometimes to the point of recklessness.

You may feel restless like you want to climb out of your skin. Your frustration threshold might plummet to nothing, so everything is aggravating.

If you have self injurious meltdowns, you may have more SIB than usual. You might also notice an increased need to stim, and sometimes stimming doesn’t help you feel better or calm down.

If you’re physically able, try to do something that makes you exert yourself, like jogging, moving heavy things or some other kind of vigorous exercise. Even dance is good if that’s what you enjoy. Think of it as venting excess energy so it’s not stuck in your chest.

If you’re not physically able to exert yourself, try snuggling under a weighted blanket and pressure stimming. Think of it as drawing excess energy to where you’re putting pressure so it’s not stuck in your chest.

You may have mood swings and default to a certain mood so much that you feel stuck in it.

If you’re prone to migraines, you’re more likely to have one when you’re premenstrual.

All of this can be scary if you’re still new to having periods.

See a doctor if your bad feelings are so bad that you get super depressed and have suicidal thoughts two or more periods in a row, It could be PMDD, which is the nasty older sister of PMS.

PMDD is premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or a very extreme version of PMS.

It’s kinda normal for PMS symptoms to vary in intensity from month to month, but if you find yourself consistently in a very bad mental state before your period, you may need extra help to handle it.

Once your flow starts, you might have bursts of feeling REALLY good or affectionate: that’s because of oxytocin and maybe some serotonin, enjoy it.

Your flow may be fairly light, get heavy and then lighten again. You may start with a lot of gushes and then it lightens up until it stops. If you normally have a light flow and suddenly it turns heavy with an increase in cramping, there may be a problem that needs a doctor to check out. If your heavy flow gets even heavier, to the point that you’re soaking through the thickest pads, there may be a problem. Don’t let them blow you off, be firm. “I don’t normally bleed this much or have this much cramping, something is up.”

Things like stress, weight gain or weight loss can affect your period. Being sick can sometimes throw it off. Periods are fickle, annoying and weird things. Keep track of them, take note of the color and amount of your flow and get to know it. Knowing your body at its baseline will help you recognize it later if something goes wrong. It may take your cycles time to find their “normal” as your body figures out how to handle having periods.

It never hurts to always have a pad, tampon, menstrual cup or whatever you use to catch your flow. Keep it in your backpack, purse, pocket, etc.. If you prefer pads, it’s always a good idea to put one in your underwear if you’re expecting your period and you go out somewhere. That way it won’t be a huge emergency if your flow starts. Putting one in when you go to sleep at the time you expect your period flow can also help you sleep easy and not worry about making a mess in your bed.

(I personally prefer thick pads, so it feels like I won’t leak, but I know that may be a sensory yuck for someone else. Try different things till you find what works.)

Those little gushes you feel occasionally are normal. Yeah, sometimes you will feel your period goop coming out. Some advice: when you’re using the toilet, push a bit and then do a kegel, which is squeezing the muscles in your vagina that stop your pee from flowing— you might push a lot of period stuff out. It’ll help you not have to change your pad as often.

I’m cis, so I can’t speak on how taking testosterone will affect periods. I will leave this open for an autistic person who is taking T to add to this if they want. 👍🏻

Now that I said all that, it’s possible you may have zero premenstrual issues and your period won’t cause you much trouble at all. Every uterus-owning body is different. People already dealing with depression or other mood disorders may have more trouble during their period, or their period may even boost their mood for a short time. As I said, everyone is different.

❤️ Take care! ❤️

[arosnowflake]

Look Out for Your Own

Fandom: No. 6

Wordcount: 2470

Summary: Inukashi is autistic and starts to suspect Shion is as well, and starts helping him out in a mentor-like fashion.

Notes: Written for Autism Acceptance Month.

///

“What’s autism?”

Inukashi turned to look at Shion, incredulous. “What, they didn’t teach you that in your fancy classrooms?”

“Apparently not,” he replied. He’d stopped washing Fluffball, one of the few dogs who actually liked baths, and she looked at him with pleading eyes. Shion didn’t seem to notice, too busy looking at em with that stupid head-cock he did when he was curious.

“Huh.” Eir fingers drummed on eir legs, a smirk playing on eir lips. “Guess sometimes even us slum rats know more than No. 6’s precious genius children.”

“I suspect you guys probably know a lot more than we do,” Shion said dryly. “No. 6 controls the information we citizens receive with an iron fist; the more ignorant we are, the easier we are to control.”

Inukashi nodded. “Knowledge is power, and all that.” If there was anything ey understood, it was that. “Maybe I shouldn’t explain it to you after all.”

“What?” He sounded so shocked at that, as if he hadn’t set himself up for it, but damnit, Shion’s puppy eyes were at least as effective as Fluffball’s. Inukashi clacked eir tongue.

“Fine, whatever. Autism is a thing that makes your brain work differently from other people, and it makes it more difficult for you to communicate with others, among other things.” Ey shrugged. “Basically, I have trouble reading people’s body language, or understanding what they mean. Dogs are way easier to read.”

“So it’s a mental disorder?”

“Yup,” ey said, popping the ‘p’.

Now Fluffball was full-on nudging Shion, but he somehow still managed to remain oblivious, hands clapped together and rocking slightly back and forth. “That explains why I didn’t learn about it, then; No. 6 wants us to believe all disorders and disabilities have been erased from the city, although that would obviously be completely impossible, but regardless, they avoid talking about them whenever possible. I imagine those with a history or neurology specialization might’ve learned about it, although I have no doubt the information would be extremely biased -”

“Aaand I don’t care,” Inukashi cut him off. “Get on with the washing, nerd. Fluffball is about to start crying.”

Shion startled, immediately returning to rubbing soap, to a happy tail wag of Fluffball. “Fluffy I’m so sorry! I tend to get caught up in these things...”

He sure did. If it was about biology, Shion could ramble on for hours uninterrupted, a glint in his eyes and swinging on his toes, like -

Oh. Kinda like ey did, back when ey were younger and less aware of the fact that such blatant displays of emotions could get you scammed or, if you were particularly unlucky, killed.

Huh.

Something to keep an eye on. Knowledge was power, after all.

///

The next time Shion brought it up was on cleaning day. Once a month, Inukashi did a deep clean of the main hall and the more expensive hotel rooms; of course, it wasn’t that people here cared much about cleanliness, but ey liked to make sure none of eir guests left with more infections than they came with, at least. And so, deep cleaning.

Inukashi had offered Shion a job helping em, because honestly, ey could use the help. The dogs were enthusiastic, but there was only so much they could do without opposable thumbs.

They were scrubbing the stairs when Shion asked: “Does the smell of cleaning supplies bother you?”

Inukashi blinked. “What’s it to you?”

Shion looked up at em, and oh no, those eyes were sparkling, he was about to go on a tangent. “I’ve been reading up on autism since you last mentioned it, and it’s quite fascinating, really! Most of the literature I’ve been able to find pertains to the more technical side of the disorder, talking about how exactly it affects the brain, but I’ve been able to get a hold of some personal accounts as well, and one of them mentioned having trouble with the smell of cleaning supplies. And I mean, I get that, I already have a lot of trouble with that and I’m not even autistic, so I was wondering what that was like for you.”

Good god, that boy really was a nerd, huh.

Well, regardless. This was a good opportunity to snoop.

Inukashi dropped eir rag back into the water. “I don’t have much of an issue with it, though honestly, that might just be because the soap here sucks balls.” After a short pause, ey offered. “But I do have a lot of issues with sounds. Everything here’s so goddamn loud all the time, it kills me.”

Shion’s leg began to bounce as he seemed to forget all about the cleaning he was supposed to do, and his fingers drummed against his leg. Hadn’t they done that last time, as well? “I suppose it’s really busy here, yeah, though honestly I like it better than the weird quiet in No. 6. And yeah, the soap here sucks. It doesn’t have much smell here, which is nice, because in No. 6...” he shuddered. “Well, sanitation used to be part of my job, and the smell got so strong that I needed to run outside more than once a day, just to escape from it. West Block’s much easier to deal with. Sure, it objectively smells worse, but it’s also less...” he paused. “Sharp? Less sharp is the only way I can describe it. It hurts less.”

Shion, the genius who said “I’m not autistic” and “the smell of bleach hurts so much I need to physically run away from it” in the same sentence. What an idiot.

“Well, if you have trouble with it again, try to focus on other sensations. Like, focus on how your shirt feels against your body. Or get a bunch of dogs to distract you and attack people who are making you feel bad. That works too.”

Wait. Why had ey said that? Shion hadn’t even asked for advice, and ey’d just given it to him, free of charge. What the hell.

Shion snorted. “I’ll try and see if I can train Nezumi’s rats to attack people, thanks.”

And before ey could stop emself, ey imagined one of the Cleaners getting taken out by a small rat, and ey laughed.

///

Shion was autistic. Like, really obviously autistic. Inukashi had no idea how the kid hadn’t picked up on it himself.

There were a thousand little clues strewn across him, from his drumming fingers and bouncing legs to the way he infodumped about anything at the slightest provocation, his savant-like intelligence and his simultaneous obliviousness to people, his staunch idealism and his gullible nature. Shion was autistic from top to toe and it didn’t even take a month of observation to figure it out.

Worse, though, was that Inukashi couldn’t seem to help emself from mentoring him.

Ey shared some of eir more subtle stims with him in the hopes that he would stop being such an open book (he didn’t, obviously, he was a hopeless case), ey tried to teach him some of eir cheats for interacting with people (Shion was very surprised to learn that ey never looked anyone in the eye, instead staring at their nose, but it turned out that he didn’t have much issue with that, so that was a bust), ey even tried to explain a bit more about autism of eir own volition (Shion hang to eir every word and then applied absolutely none of the information to himself). Ey didn’t know why ey bothered. There was just something about that kid that made em want to protect him.

Not that ey’d ever admit it, not even - alright, yeah, ey’d admit it under pain of death, but ey’d do just about anything under pain of death. Either way, ey finally felt like ey understood how Shion had managed to get under noted asshole Nezumi’s skin. Shion was just like that.

The turning point came on a sunny afternoon. It wasn’t anything special, they hadn’t even planned to meet; they’d simply run into each other at the market, and decided to walk home with each other.

Something was up with Shion.

He was shaking out his hands at his side and hadn’t stopped even after Inukashi had pointed it out (it attracted attention, and attention was never a good thing). His eyes flitted side to side, like a hunted rabbit, and if Inukashi didn’t know better, ey’d think he was being followed by someone. However, there was no reason for anyone to want revenge on Shion, so it must be something else. If there was no actual danger, why did he look so scared?

“Hey Shion, what’s wrong?”

Shion barely looked down, and when he opened his mouth, only a vague grunting nose came out. He tried again. “...Much...not,” was all he could say, and he clawed at his face, seemingly frustrated about something.

Oh. He was having a meltdown.

A few whistles and Inukashi’s dogs were on the move, carving out a path among the people to get em and Shion out of the crowd as fast as possible. Shion didn’t even seem to notice that something was off, but followed em, probably too dazed to do anything else. Within minutes, they were far away from the market, between abandoned houses where fewer people lived. It was quieter here, a little darker, a little cooler, and it was where Inukashi went whenever ey couldn’t keep it together anymore. Hopefully it’d help Shion too.

Not a moment too soon. Shion started clawing at his face with a ferver ey’d never seen before, and Inukashi quickly threw eir mantle over his head to prevent him from hurting himself. “Sit,” ey ordered. “Put your head between your knees.” Simple words, swift orders to provide structure. Things that had always helped em, although eir dogs didn’t talk; they just did. But dog hair was different from human skin, and Inukashi had never liked to be touched by humans when ey were like this, so ey didn’t touch Shion, and hoped he would just follow verbal orders.

He did, dropping against a wall and pressing his head between his knees, fisting Inukashi’s mantle so tight his knuckles paled, holding onto it like it was his only lifeline. He didn’t scream. That was kind of odd; Inukashi screamed a lot when ey were like this. Just a difference between them, ey supposed.

They sat there for a while, Shion rocking in a frantic, but eerily quiet manner, and Inukashi leaning to the wall next to him, keeping an eye out for any assholes who might take advantage of Shion’s weakened state.

Ey didn’t know how long it took Shion to calm down, but he did, eventually, sliding off eir mantle.

“...You,” he started, then shook his head, biting his hand in frustration.

“If you can’t talk, don’t,” Inukashi said. “And don’t hurt yourself. Bite on your sleeve if you need to.”

Shion switched to his sleeve, biting on it hard, and after a few seconds, nodded.

“I’m taking you home for now, we can talk about this tomorrow. Take a nap or something.”

Shion nodded again, too tired to protest.

It took them longer than it should to get to Nezumi and Shion’s little shelter, Shion sometimes stopping in the middle of the path just to stare in the distance. But, finally, they did make it, and thankfully, Nezumi was still home.

“What -” he started, but Inukashi pushed past him.

“Lie on the damn bed, idiot, and go take a nap,” ey ordered Shion, and he did so without questioning, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” Nezumi asked, arms crossed.

“Your boyfriend had a meltdown,” Inukashi said shortly. “If you dare bully him about it I’ll sic my dogs on you, got that?”

“Dully noted,” Nezumi said dryly, still leaning against the wall as if he couldn’t care less about anything in the world, but his eyes betrayed him as they flickered over to Shion.

“You can make him something warm when he wakes up,” Inukashi answered his unasked question. “And keep a notebook nearby. He seemed to have trouble talking.”

“Whatever,” he replied, making a truly pathetic effort to disguise his worry. “Get out of my house, dog.”

“With pleasure, asshole.”

Shion would be fine. Nezumi was an absolute softy when it came to that boy, and by now, Inukashi could hardly even blame him without being a big fat hypocrite.

///

“So,” Shion started. It had been three days since his meltdown, and Inukashi had decided to let him come to em instead of badgering him emself. It had taken longer than expected for him to confront em. But now, here he was, looking like himself again. “I have a feeling I might be autistic.”

Inukashi looked at him, and promptly burst out into laughter.

“It’s not funny!” Shion protested. “I’m not joking!”

“It’s not -” Inukashi gasped. “Obviously you’re not joking. It’s just that it was blatantly obvious, and it’s hilarious it took you this long to figure it out.”

Shion blinked. “It was obvious?”

“Oh yeah, believe me, you might as well have ‘autism’ written across your forehead. And even that would’ve probably been more subtle.”

Shion squinted. “If you knew, why didn’t you tell me?”

Inukashi shrugged. “Didn’t feel like it. I’m kind of an asshole, remember?”

Shion looked at em for a solid ten seconds, before a grin slowly spread across his face.

“You know,” he said nonchalantly, “I just realized you’ve been helping me quite a bit. Giving me tips, helping me deal with that meltdown, stuff like that.”

“I have not!” Inukashi protested, but Shion ignored em.

“So what I think,” Shion continued, “is that you didn’t know how to tell me, so you just let me figure it out myself. While also helping me in the meantime.”

“You���re reading into things that aren’t there,” Inukashi muttered, tapping eir feet rapidly. Shion laughed.

“Sure,” he giggled. “You’re a heartless information broker who cares only for emself, got it.”

“And don’t you forget it,” ey confirmed. Then paused for a second. “Also, the gal who sells meat, the one with the red hair, knows sign language. Just in case that’s something you’d wanna know.”

Shion nodded. “Of course, this has nothing to do with the fact that I have trouble communicating verbally at times.”

“Absolutely not,” Inukashi confirmed. “It’s just something I thought was interesting.”

“Well, thank you anyway,” Shion said, smile softened from a smirk to something friendlier, something you rarely saw here in the West Block.

That boy would be the death of em, one day. Still, it was kind of nice to have another autistic here.

Maybe Shion was onto something with that whole ‘helping people’ thing.

[packersmoversdelhi]

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Source Url:   https://blog.packers-and-movers-delhi.in/2020/07/contactless-relocation-with-packers-and-movers-noida-during-this-pandemic-covid-19.html

[jolexfanfics]

Part 1 & Part 2

Jo waved her hand back and forth under the hand sanitizer machine and let the pile of liquid gather on her palm before rubbing her hands together furiously. There was a nasty virus going around the hospital and she refused to catch it. So far both she and Alex had avoided it, but over the past week she had started to feel a little under the weather. As she left the attending’s lounge, she pulled her phone out of her pocket to text Alex, “Hey where are you?”

“Hiding out.”

“Where?”

“A quiet room on the psych floor.”

“Alex!”

“I’m in 1305.”

Jo rolled her eyes but headed upstairs anyway. When she got to the room she knocked lightly on the door before entering, “Dr. Karev....” She instantly burst into laughter when she saw Alex on the bed with a face mask on, “Babe, what are you doing?”

“Hiding from the sickly hospital halls,” Alex mumbled under his mask. 

Jo walked over and slid into bed next to him. She pulled down his mask and leaned in to give him a kiss. Before their lips could meet, he pulled back quickly with a frown, “Are you sick?”

She looked at him in confusion, “Um, no....”

“You look paler than usual,” he put his hand to her forehead, “no fever, hmmm...”

She swatted at his hand, “Stop that! I’m not sick and I’m not getting sick, I’ve been using sanitizer religiously, avoiding as much contact with others as possible, I’m good.”

Alex eyed her for a moment but decided to move on, “You’re okay though otherwise, right?”

They had been trying to get pregnant for a few months now and hadn’t been successful. They were both devastated but after a lot of long conversations, they had finally agreed that for now it was what was best and had decided to move on with their lives as a family of two. 

“Mhm,” she replied, trying to sound confident, “you know, we can always foster or adopt, there are so many kids like us that need homes. We could do mentoring programs, there’s other options, I know.”

“You’re right,” Alex wrapped his arm around Jo and pulled him into her, “and we can always keep trying, it’ll happen when it’s supposed to.”

Jo shook her head, “I don’t wanna keep trying, it’s too heartbreaking. I’m so exhausted, and I think it’s starting to take a toll on me.”

Alex nodded in understanding, “Okay then we won’t,” he replied simply, leaving it at that.

“I’m sorry.” Jo said sadly.

“For what?” Alex looked over as his pager on the nightstand went off. “Crap.”

He leaned over to grab it then gave Jo a kiss. “I’ll come right back. I love you.”

He quickly bolted out of the door and Jo flopped back against the pillows and let her eyes flutter shut. She had only just begun to doze off when suddenly she woke up, feeling extremely dizzy. As she sat up quickly a wave of nausea hit her all at once and before she could catch up with herself she leaned over and vomited into the trash can next to the bed. She grabbed a tissue from the box off the nightstand and wiped her mouth with a frown. She groaned in frustration when she realized she had definitely caught the virus she had so desperately been trying to avoid. Jo went into the bathroom and rinsed her mouth out then pulled out her phone and texted Alex. “The virus won, I’m going home. Might want to bring your mask with.”

Alex walked into the bedroom and saw his wife curled up in the corner of their bed. He went to sit next to her and kissed the top of her head. He quickly swiped his hand across her forehead, attempting to see if she had a fever but didn’t feel anything. He frowned and leaned down to whisper, unsure of if she was really asleep or not, “Babe, I got you some chicken noodle soup.”

“I don’t want it.” Jo mumbled into her pillow.

Alex raised an eyebrow in confusion. Chicken noodle soup was the only thing Jo would ever eat when she felt sick, “You don’t want it?” 

He reached over and grabbed the soup off the nightstand and waved it in front of her face. Jo quickly pushed his arm away, “Seriously, stop.” 

She groaned, suddenly starting to feel sick again. Alex chuckled and waved it back in front of her again, not realizing she wasn’t joking. Jo pushed his arm away again but before she could say anything else she grabbed the bucket that was next to her and threw up into it. Alex’s eyes widened in shock and he quickly grabbed her hair and tied it in a ponytail, “Oh shit, you weren’t kidding.”

Alex frowned and rubbed her back soothingly as she threw up again, “I’m sorry, babe. I thought you were joking, you usually love chicken noodle soup.”

Jo sat up and Alex grabbed a napkin out of the bag to help her wipe her mouth, “Ugh, stop saying chicken noodle soup.”

Alex gave her a weird look and put his hand to her forehead but it wasn’t warm. Jo leaned back against the bed and Alex handed her a bottle of water. He kept his gaze on her as she took a few small sips. Jo said she had caught what was going around the hospital, but one of the main symptoms everyone had experienced was a fever, and she definitely didn’t have one. Alex snapped out of his thought process as Jo looked over at him with a shy smile, “I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I could really go for a cheeseburger right now.”

As soon as she said that, Alex knew exactly what was up. He watched her for a moment, then instead of saying anything, he leaned over to poke her in the breast.

“Ow!” She yelled and slapped his hand, “What was that for?”

“Did that hurt?”

“Well yeah, you just poked my boob.” She replied with an eye roll.

“No I mean like,” Alex paused, trying to figure out how to phrase what he was trying to say, “Are they tender? Do they hurt?”

“I don’t know,” Jo shrugged, brushing off his question, “Are we gonna get cheeseburgers or not?”

Alex reached for Jo’s phone and unlocked it, going straight for the period tracker app, “Yep. Knew it.”

“Huh? Knew what?” Jo asked in confusion.

Alex tilted the phone so she could see, “You missed your period, your boobs are sore—which I knew before I asked you ‘cause I saw you wincing when you put your bra on yesterday—, you’re lethargic, vomiting, you turned away your favorite soup, and now you want a cheeseburger five minutes after puking your guts out. You’re pregnant.”

Jo looked at him completely dumbfounded. How the hell would he know she was pregnant if she didn’t even know? Out of all the reasons why she felt so horrible she would’ve guessed she was dying before being pregnant. She shook her head, “Alex, I don’t think so. At this point, I’m pretty sure I can’t get pregnant.”

“Well then tell that to your body, ‘cause you already are.” Alex said with a smirk.

Jo frowned and punched him in the shoulder, “Shut up.”

“Fine! Don’t believe me? There’s two tests under the sink in the bathroom. Fifty bucks they both come out positive.”

Alex pulled the blankets off Jo and nodded toward the bathroom. Jo sighed heavily and slowly got out of bed and shut the door dramatically as she went into the bathroom. Ten minutes later, Alex looked up as she opened the door and when she stood in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, Alex already knew the answer.

“Someone owes me fifty bucks.” Alex said with a smile. 

Jo bit back a grin and held up both of the positive tests. He ran over to Jo and picked her up and she wrapped her arms around him, “How did you know?”

Alex shrugged as he pressed a kiss to the side of her cheek, “I’m just that good.”

He set Jo down but she kept her arms wrapped around him and squeezed him tightly, “We’re really having a baby.”

This was one bet Jo was more than happy to lose.

[sincognito]

Grave Heart | Prologue

Pairing: Papyrus (Undertale) x Papyrus (Underfell)

Universe: Undertale and Underfell

Warnings: None for current chapter

Overview: A small hiccup in space and time sends Boss through the multiverse and into Undertale. The world seems to be nothing short of sweet and rosy, but every rose has its thorns.**Co-written fic by Sincognito and Madmusemagister**

A/N: This is the first part of a new fic co-written by myself and @madmusemagister ! We will be taking turns writing this fic. This chapter was written by: Madmusemagister and NOT me. I have permission from the author to post their work on this account!

Read on AO3! HERE

Coming out of the forest, Boss immediately realizes something is strange. The snow is white and pristine other than footsteps, hardly a speck of dust among it. Everything feels too… cheery. He heads towards his house, but is shocked to find that someone has replaced his expert traps with puzzles! And not even well made ones! A literal child could solve these in minutes! In his disgust, he refuses to solve any of them, just jumping around them instead.

 It isn’t until he sees some weird, grinning, soft imposter that it truly sinks in that something is very wrong here.

 “Wowie! Yet another me! And this one is pointy! Hello pointy me! I like your boots!” the faker says.

 What is he playing at? Is he trying to flatter me? Why? Boss huffs at the other, but sticks his chest out anyways. “Only the finest style for someone as great and terrible as I! What’s your business with me?”

 His eyes scan over the other. Much like Boss, his spine is quite exposed from the front, but unlike Boss there’s nothing protecting the back of the spine either. Other him is also wearing a scarf, which Boss approves of if only for the sake of not being a hypocrite. However, beyond that the other’s clothes are absolutely ridiculous! That “armor” is flimsy at best and he doubts it’d offer any more protection than cardboard. And, well, the guy isn’t even wearing pants. Thankfully his weirdly round doppelganger has the decency to cover his pelvis with some kind of… bowl shaped thing, but beyond that he’s just wearing tights. Boss is pretty sure literal paper could cut those. Admittedly the other’s boots are probably a bit more functional for the slush and ice of Snowdin and the marshes of Waterfall, but they look silly!

 Then Boss’s mind stalls as he processes something. “Wait, what do you mean ‘yet another me’?”

 “Oh! Am I the first one you’ve met? Wowie! Welcome to Undertale! Nyeheheh!”

 Boss narrows his eyes and prepares several sharpened bones for a ruthless attack! “Explain, now.”

 The weird him grins, “Oh! Are we sparring? Great! You can go first!”

 Boss’s jaw drops open in sheer incomprehension. He doesn’t understand this other monster, not in the least. Something’s wrong here. He doesn’t like it. His attack stalls.

 “Hmm? Oh! Did you want me to take the first turn instead?”

 “What are you going on about!” Boss snaps, stomping his boot in the snow.

 “Sparring, I think? I’m guessing it works differently where you’re from?”

 Boss’s temper snaps. “You will explain to me what is going on this instant or I will skewer you!” He doesn’t have time for this. He has to go patrol in his world and try to keep monsters from rendering themselves extinct before they can even get the last soul. The mutts that make up the rest of Snowdin’s guard sure aren’t going to do it! Plus, without him there, his 1 HP brother might as well go around naked with “free EXP” written on every bone in his body.

 “Oh! Yes, I can do that! You see, one way or another this universe came to exist. Unfortunately, even someone as great as the Great Papyrus knows not how the universe came into existence. However, I know that from there, many offshoot timelines began to occur. Some are almost exactly the same as this world but with minor, largely inconsequential changes such as everyone having fabulous boots, and in others the similarities are purely superficial with the fundamental rules of the universe having been changed.”

 Boss glares at his apparent counterpart, but the other doesn’t flinch at all from his wrathful gaze. Boss wants to say that means he’s telling the truth, but the utter lack of reaction disturbs him more than it should. He huffs and shifts his weight to one foot, hand on his hip.

 “Alright, let’s say I believe you. What other versions of us do you know?” Maybe they’ll be more helpful than he is.

 “Well there’s Stretch, Hickory – you kind of remind me of his brother actually, but much taller and more handsome – there’s this one universe with a giant mirror, one with a line on his face, the spikier counterpart of that one, and, wait…” the other regards him for a moment, then gasps, “Are you the spiky counterpart of me? Nyeheheheh! It’s so good to finally meet you!

 “Oh, just a few ground rules, this universe is very not-murdery so please no killing! If a monster tries to fight you, make sure to wait your turn, and then spare them! Some are a bit moody, but usually they’ll get over it if you ACT a bit.

 “In this world, it’s spare and be spared!”

 Boss just stares. His mouth opens. His mouth closes. Nope, he’s done with this nonsense. Monsters who aren’t murdery? Does this squishy him even know what monsters are? They’re called monstrous for a reason! He refuses to believe that this world is really the sugar bowl this other him is making it out to be. Besides, what are all these monsters planning on doing when a human passes through? One sufficiently nasty human could clear out the Underground!

 “Okay take me back home where things make sense now.”

 “You’ll have to come with me to get Sans. The Great Papyrus is great at many things, but my brother is better at quantum physics.”

 Boss grumbles, but acquiesces and follows the other. Letting an unfamiliar monster trail him like this, especially with his spine on display, not looking around, chattering about inane things like spaghetti and game night and candy, obviously this other him is a naïve idiot. He couldn’t even scare a Whimsun! Well, maybe he could spook this world’s version, but the ones from his world would probably just eat his fingers and run off.

 With startling ease, they get to the other him’s house. It’s quite… festive. Seriously, who needs this many lights? His house is practically a beacon! Soft him fumbles through his inventory for some keys – at least they have that small precaution – and Boss glances over to the two mailboxes. One is seemingly empty, and the other is overflowing!

 “Are you ever going to answer your damn mail?” Boss snips.

 “Oh, that’s Sans’s, and I’m going to guess no.”

 “What’s he got in there?”

 “I don’t know! I’m not going to root through someone else’s mail like a savage!” Finally, Papyrus produces the key and sticks it in the lock.

 Inside is, well, just as uncanny as outside. It fills Boss with an unpleasant feeling he can’t quite place. It looks like his house down to the rock on the table and the sock with the sticky notes, but it’s also not similar in the least. It’s too bright, the color scheme is wrong, the notes are more annoying than threatening, there’s not a single hole in the place, there’s no carefully constructed cage around the rock prisoner, and it’s just wrong.

 The entire world seems to be some sanitized, sugar coated parody of his world, and he doesn’t trust it for a second. There’s no way it’s as sweet as it seems, no possible way! It must be like that spider bitch Muffet, sweet outside with a rotten core. He just has to find it, then everything will make sense again.

 “Are you alright, pointy me?”

 “I’m fine. Where the fuck is your bro?”

 “Considering that I’m here, I’m guessing that he’ll pop into his room seemingly randomly in a few seconds. I just have to open the cabinet and he’ll play his, ugh, trombone.”

 Boss doubts that’ll work, but weirdly round him does just that and on cue a weirdly round version of his brother plays a surprisingly intact trombone. Other him forgot to mention the dog though. There are now a few holes in their floor from his bone attacks.

 Other Sans comes down, surprisingly unphased by Boss’s arrival. Boss snarls at him, but he just chuckles.

 “Down Fido.”

 “I AM NO ONE’S DOG!” Boss screeches, summoning dozens of bones pointed straight at the fake brother. He wouldn’t actually go through with it, it’s his brother, even if it isn’t, but wrong Sans probably doesn’t know that.

 Then suddenly he’s wet. Other Papyrus has procured a spray bottle and is currently spraying him with water. “No! No attacking Sans! He only has one HP! Bad edgy me! Bad!”

 The attack fizzles as Boss sputters indignantly. “I AM NOT A CAT EITHER! Even if cats are obviously superior!”

 “I know, but it works with edgy Sans, so I thought it’d work with you too!”

 Boss throws his hands in the air. “I’m done! I’m just done! Do whatever the fuck you do and get me back to my world already!” He plops down on the couch and crosses his arms.

 “Language!” other Papyrus snaps.

 “Eh, not really feeling like it,” soft Sans says. The little brat dares to sit on his legs. Big. Mistake. Edge hurls the skeleton across the room, but his impromptu flight is stopped short by his counterpart turning San’s soul blue. Other Sans lands on his feet, much to Boss’s annoyance.

 Other him takes the worst Sans and they go do a thing, he doesn’t know nor care as long as it gets him home. Until then he… has nothing to do really, so he busies himself with cooking. They don’t have much variety, but they do have pasta ingredients, so he goes with that. He finishes up right as they walk in.

 “Alright, think I found what world you’re from. It’s called Underfell by the way, apparently. Dunno how these names work, but they do. Just hop in the machine,” harmless Sans says.

 “Finally!” Boss says. He stomps down and follows this weird joke that looks kind of like his brother. He’s a little surprised to see that other him isn’t here. He’s… disappointed? Tch, no, he doesn’t get disappointed. That other him is just an enigma is all. An enigma and a joke, a parody that while unnerving, also serves to be rather amusing and at least partly helpful. More than that though, he’s a puzzle. This whole world is, and while the way his world works necessitates traps, well…

 He’s always loved puzzles.

 Sans seems to read the questioning look on his face as he says, “Sent him to go get some spare parts. Didn’t want him following you back. Heh, you’re a bit rough around the edges, aren’t you?

 “Here’s some advice.” The other Sans’s eyes go completely dark, grin seeming to widen to the point of being maniacal. “Go home, never come here again, and leave my brother alone. He doesn’t deserve to get caught up in all your Fell-verse murder bullshit.”

 Boss scoffs, “I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, you little gremlin, and your brother is an adult, he can do whatever the fuck he wants. Now then, if you think I’m getting into some weird gadget, then you’re sorely mistaken.” He shoves the other in. “You first. How the fuck do you work this thing?”

 “Like hell I’m going to-”

 “Do it or I’ll dust you.”

 The Sans pauses, then hisses out, “Red button. Always the red button.”

 Boss nods and presses it. There’s a flash, and a distinct lack of dust, so he judges it, if nothing else, to be his best bet to get home. He finds himself in a room he only vaguely visits and sees the blue gremlin scrambling to put together their own version of the machine.

 “Asshole,” dislikeable Sans huffs.

 “Fix it well you hear me, or else you’re never getting home.”

 If the multiverse is really a thing, then there’s no way in this long-forsaken world he’s going to stay ignorant of it. He’s the Great and Terrible Papyrus after all, and he’ll go wherever the fuck he damn well pleases!

 But for now, he’d best inform Sans and the others that he’s back.