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How to Evaluate Your Professional Experience for U.S. Job Applications
Professional experience evaluation is essential for international professionals aiming to meet U.S. job and visa requirements. Here's how you can start the process:
Steps for Evaluation:
Choose a Trusted Agency: Select a reliable service like Document Evaluation, a proud member of NAFSA and TAICEP, recognized for delivering precise and credible evaluations.
Gather Documentation: Collect employer letters, job descriptions, contracts, pay slips, and certifications to validate your professional background.
Request Expert Opinion Letters: These letters assess and equate your professional experience to U.S. standards, often substituting for formal educational requirements.
Receive the Final Report: Use this report to support job applications, visa petitions, or other professional needs.
Ready to validate your experience? Contact Document Evaluation today at +1 (870) 600-2225 or email [email protected].
📌 Start your journey to success with evaluations you can trust!
#work experience evaluation#where evaluate work experinece#document evaluation#evaluate work experience for the h1b#validate your experience#how to evaluate work experience
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There’s not enough people talking about how important Stephanie is to Damian’s growth pre-Flashpoint.
Bruce had seen Damian as a beast to be tamed, Tim sees him as a ticking time bomb, and Dick is far better with him but he’s still an authority figure for Damian to combat with. But then he meets Stephanie, a college-aged girl who nobody trusts and he bullies her relentlessly and becomes inseparable from her.
She doesn’t interact with him based on his past, but on what she can see. This 10 year old just threatened to kill her? Wow he doesn’t get outside much. He’s not old enough to have seen Gremlins. What do you MEAN you’ve never been inside a bouncy house before we are fixing that immediately.
They are like cousins to each other. They poke fun at each other for being lame and stupid and Dick has to tell them both to shut up. She doesn’t see him as a project to be molded and redeemed, he’s just a kid with a crappy childhood like her and if he’s nice to her for 5 seconds she’ll do something with him to let him feel like a kid. And he doesn’t look at her and see a liability or a failure or a lost cause, like everyone she’s ever interacted with does. When he’s awful to her, it’s because he’s an obnoxious preteen boy.
And then you get the “there’s room in our line of work for hope, too” scene. Because Damian has gotten to know Steph and he can’t fathom why she’s here. She obviously has had to deal with crap and is still working through being kept on a leash by Nightwing and Oracle, but she isn’t broken like the rest of them are. Damian is surrounded by people who were molded and shaped and torn down and broken to become the monoliths that they are, and then there’s this girl who seems so at peace with herself and is constantly making quips, and it’s so foreign to him.
And she tells him that she’s in his world because she believes people are worth fighting for.
#Batman#damian wayne#stephanie brown#robin dc#batgirl#batgirl (2009)#Batfam#Batfamily#dc comics#batman meta#batgirl (2009) is my favorite comic I’ve ever read can you tell#I just love how Stephanie and Damian are so removed from everything when they’re together that there isn’t any hierarchy between them#they each have some sort of hierarchy and Expectation around literally everyone else#but with each other they’re just peers#they can work together and fight together#they can hate each other and be bickering the entire time#but they evaluate each other based on what they see#Damian sees a goofy but determined woman who doesn’t look at him like he needs fixing#and Stephanie sees a violent kid who clearly hasn’t had a childhood but is trustworthy in a fight#and they just. interact based on those factors and nothing else#and it’s so beautiful for them both#and you have the whole ‘fatgirl’ and ‘when did you start stuffing your suit’ comments from Damian that suck#but weirdly I find it comforting because it implies to me that Damian is feeling some stuff that’ll tie into puberty#and he lets himself (albeit in a very uncomfortable and harmful way) feel those emotions and express them to Steph#like it’s very stupid and so early 2000s and frustrating#but I think it’s a little charming how it’s another example of Stephanie sort of being a vessel for Damian to experience normal feelings#even if he ends up being very Damian about it
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not diagnosed with anything. but maybe I should be
#or maybe I'm overthinking things#but every time I learn that someone I connect well with has adhd or autism#I look at myself and wonder if all the quirks I have in common with them are signs of anything#some posts are a little too relatable#but others don't quite match up with my experiences#does this mean anything#but I'm doing fine#I'm managing school and work and my life is going well#whatever I've got going on I'm managing well#the only reason I'd want to get evaluated for anything#would be so I can stop wondering#I don't know how to explain this to people#bc I Seem So Normal#am I masking?#am I just reading too far into little things?#I really don't know
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slightly serious but its been on my mind so. as someone who went through autism-specific abuse from parents as well as the american school system from a young age, i don't like people using experiences of people like me to discourage self diagnosis. like.
i've seen people in the wild saying that if you self diagnose autism, you're making a mockery of people who underwent the abuse, especially in schools. but the thing is, the schools especially knew i was autistic before i did!! they treated me as autistic long before i was diagnosed, and were in fact the ones who pushed for my diagnosis. i did an entire paper on autism specific abuse for school and did a lot of research into the topic, which is how i realized what i went through was autism specific abuse and how it affects me. and yes it exponentially affects those diagnosed from a young age but it was awful before i got diagnosed and it got worse after!! so a professional diagnosis can hurt people!
if you were able to mask well enough to escape it, i am so fucking happy for you. like. this is incredibly traumatizing. and it's really underrepresented. and if you use the trauma and abuse people like me have gone through to tell people they aren't autistic and are hurting us, don't you fucking dare. you need to be blaming the people who abuse us and who make it hard for the people who are self diagnosing to get the proper diagnosis- and make life exponentially harder for those of us who are diagnosed.
by attacking people who are just seeking help and community and understanding, you aren't helping ASA survivors. you're hurting people (who might even have experienced that!! you don't know!!) who are trying to live their life with the most understanding of themselves.
anyways this blog supports self-diagnosed autistics and autistics who didn't learn until later in life and autistics who masked so well nobody realized and autistics who didn't realize that what they went through was autism specific abuse. i love you guys. we're in this together.
#autism#autism specific abuse#abuse tw#ableism tw#i have some thoughts on my school being the ones who pressured my parents to get me evaluated#and while im happy i know about my autism and how it affects me#i don't feel like i should have been diagnosed when i was. it was an awful experience and the school used it to abuse me further.#so like. graaah!!!!#i will protect self dx autistics with my life#people who use asa to discredit selfdx autistics piss me off so much#i saw. one too many. yells#also on the parents thing. theyre not perfect but theyre way better now#im not mad at them for what they did. im upset bc it hurt me a lot but like theyve done a lot of work and have stopped#the worst of it#the schools however. i am mad at the schools#ask to tag#trauma#actuallyautistic#actuallytraumatized
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I live in a delusional world where in high school musical sharpay and kelsi had a secret tumultuous toxic frenemies with benefits relationship in which sharpay was deeply in denial of her lesbianism hence her overcompensating with her obsession over troy and kelsi was just experiencing a combo of low self esteem I’ll take what I can get and I am fascinated by this turn of events and want to see how it plays out and throughout the movies as kelsi gains more confidence it changes the dynamic of their relationship and they either end up with a respect for each other that slowly turns into affection or they just both end up hurting each other so devastatingly that they never speak to each other again
#unless they hook up at a high school reunion and sharpay is trying to make it work with a man she doesn’t even like#but at that point kelsi is fully out and has had girlfriends and experiences and she can’t wait for sharpay to figure out her shit#so they part ways#and sharpay re-evaluates her life and then has a deep self exploration period where she goes to therapy and learns to accept herself#then several years later they run into each other and both are happy in their separate lives#and either the timing is right for them to fall in love#or they both recognize the impact they had on each others lives and part ways with profound feelings a la past lives#also I think that gay Ryan as Kelsi’s friend and Sharpay’s brother would add so deliciously to this dynamic#and the experiences of like 2000s era homophobia#anyway#guys I don’t write fan fiction but if I did#anyway I made a playlist for them with casual and good luck babe on it#and that’s just how I feel about it#to me this is canon#speaks#hsm
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I hate to tell you this, but many gays also love Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. (A musical show about discovering your identity and the negative effects of internalizing harmful societal ideas about relationships, which also has canonically queer characters in it.)
#like I don't. I don't know how to explain that sometimes people evaluate a work based on more than 'is there a tumblr-approved#same-gender ship I can ship'#and AGAIN. don't get me wrong!! I understand why people like lot!! truly I do!!!! and why sara in particular means so much to people!!!!!!!#but I think some people forget that some queer people are marginalized in other ways IN ADDITION to their queerness#queer poc exist. queer disabled and neurodivergent people exist. queer fat people exist. queer jewish people exist. and people will enjoy#some stories for speaking to those other types of marginalization or by representing the intersections of them.#not everything is about YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE OF QUEERNESS#sorry I just. I mean at least we're prioritizing a f/f ship this time that's a nice change.#but people act like one specific representation of queer identity is the only kind of story that matters and I AM /TIRED/#I. A WHOLE-ASS QUEER LADY. AM TIRED.#(also like. it's telling that I only ever hear people lauding lot for the white sapphics and not any of the cast of color or who belong to#groups who are otherwise underrepresented)#(which the cx//gf fanbase is guilty of this too like people are HORRIBLE about josh. and bex's jewish background is also generally#neglected in discussions. so this isn't unique to lot. it's just that a lot of fandom spaces tout themselves as being#The Most Progressive and S-Tier Allys™ when they act like...this.)#In the Vents
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anyway it kinda sorta feels like my life is just now starting.
#i'm 25 and for the first time i'm not wondering what's wrong with me.#now i KNOW what's wrong with me and that means i can HANDLE IT.#and look at me. i'm handling it!!!!#i can't believe i spent my entire life thinking i was weak and lazy.#i am. perhaps. very strong and brave for spending my entire adult life so far advocating for myself#in the face of family and professionals who all tried to convince me i just needed to try harder.#like. maybe actually i'm a bad bitch for being the only one out here fighting for answers#even when the answers were fucking scary and nobody else believed in my experiences!!#i've had irl folks cringe at how open i am about my diagnoses. but like.#i'm autistic i've got adhd and bipolar ii and i'm disabled with hEDS and associated neuroimmune conditions#and i'm going to be SO annoying about it because I WORKED HARD TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT.#SORRY IF IT MAKES YOU RE-EVALUATE YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME. ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME.#because i've re-evaluated my assumptions about me. and i feel so much fucking peace.#because i'm finally learning how to take care of myself properly.#and for the first time since i was 18 years old. i feel genuinely hopeful that i might actually get to enjoy my life.#ANYWAY Uhh i gotta go to bed. GOODNIGHT.#izzy.txt
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i got an autims diagnosis*** after months of therapy and im so happy :3
#ok full disclosure#its yes and no on the official diagnoisis front#my therapist (an autism specialist for POC) brought my file to his supervisors and they all agreed that this was ASD and was pretty cut and#dry and i would benefit a lot form ASD based CBT and working on my coping skills (THEY ARE THE GOOD AUTISM SPECIALISTS WE LOVE MY THERAPIST#so that was huge for me to have it confirmed in no uncertain terms that this is what it is#im not an alien#im not a monster#im not evil#it was just autism the whole time#we then discussed a neuropsych evaluation and the pros and cons of a formal diagnosis and at this time decided against it for a variety o#of personal reasons#but#i feel like i can say im diagnosed with autism by a medical professional and have that validation#and just breathe that sigh of relief#like oh thank god there is an answer#its no longer a grey area or a question or a what if and there is no more second guessing myself#its#just#autism#i feel such a sense of relief that i think ive been holding onto since i was a very small child#and being able to talk about autism with my therapist and let that color my experiences and how i navigate the world is just so wonderful#wow
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i think there’s something to be said about how the gig economy makes things ostensibly more convenient but also worse. and not just like, doordash guys take too long to get to you so your food is cold. but because the business model is centered around a million people doing work without any familiarity with what theyre doing and decentralized from the businesses they’re working with, you get service that’s being reinvented from scratch every time it’s purchased.
it happens all the time that I’ll order an uber and when they pick me up, they’ll just stop in the middle of the street with their hazards on, making me dodge traffic to get to them and pissing off the cars around them. and then I’ll get in the car and chat with the driver and find out they’re actually from two counties over and they’ve never driven here before, so they don’t know where parking is or whether they’re heading to a wide open parking lot or a busy downtown. and then you start to realize that they’re not being a dick, they’re just given as little information as possible every time they pick up a ride so they have to just guess how and where to pick up a passenger. and since they’re paid by ride, they’re incentivized to pick you up as fast as possible. and all the people who cared about finding a safe place to pick you up quit the app or stopped doing that so all you’re left with is the pissed off cockroach motherfuckers.
and then you see that this happens with every fucking app. doordash sucks because you pay 8 million dollars for delivery and you still have to hike half a mile to find the guy because he got lost in your apartment complex. Instacart sucks because the guy picking your groceries couldn’t care less about getting ripe fruit and replaces your heavy cream with shaving cream. customer support for all this sucks because the guy helping you can’t do anything more than offer you $5 credit, beg for your forgiveness, and hope you get out of the queue fast enough for him to go to the bathroom. because all of them aren’t given enough time to do a good job or enough money to care.
and every time a gig worker makes the experience suck for you, it’s a rational decision. they’re evaluating the money they’re being paid and if it’s worth getting paid less to do a good job, and correctly deciding that it isn’t. so you can’t even get mad, because you’d do it too. and so the company manages to pass on its race to the bottom to its lowest-paid employees.
#there was a post i read once about how companies do this because it effectively insulates them from customers anger#because either you get mad at the person in front of you or you realize that it’s not their fault#and then what are you gonna do? complain to customer service about how customer service doesn’t get paid enough? get real#i wish i could remember exactly what it called the phenomenon
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I think a lot of it was just the contrast to my high school experience. I went to a small high school so I literally had 0 choice or 2 options when it came to classes. Like do I want to take pre-calculus in a dungeon with a teacher who stares down girls’ shirts and whose teaching style is “literally read from the textbook”? No. But there’s no other math option and I need to graduate. Do I want to take the history class with 30 kids or with 7 (because nobody wants to take us history so it inevitably gets added to whatever spot most people have open, resulting in unbalanced classes)? The biggest choice I got my entire high school career was whether I wanted to learn French or Spanish, or Band, Shop, Art or Ceramics for an elective (Shop got cut a couple years so that was also. Not always an option) by contrast college was really about what I wanted to do. Yeah we had some required classes, but it was like. You need a math related class. I took statistics so I can think better about polls and studies that I see in the news. You need a writing heavy class. I took history of Ancient Rome because that teacher made us write so much it counted. You need some core classes for your major, but they’re mostly intro classes and then every other requirement has 3 or 4 options you can fill it with. Did I want to write a 15 page research paper? No but the topic is open so my subject is lesbians which makes it way more appealing. Also I could make friends with lots of different people rather than being stuck in all the same classes as James who started bullying me at 8 years old and didn’t stop until graduation. It wasn’t always easy but it felt SO freeing.
#also like. idk your specific grades don’t always matter#none of my employers have asked for my gpa they care more about how many years work experience I have#both my friend and I got our first jobs not based on our major at all but based on what our on campus jobs were#some of my coworkers are grown ass men with families who are now going back to school on the side bc it will get them paid more#like I’m not trying to say that your grades don’t matter but also. your grades don’t matter.#if you pass you’re fine#if you’re doing something more technical than your skills matter way more than your grades#like I was liberal arts but I work at a place with a lot of STEM jobs and like#whether you got a 3.5 or a 2.8 doesn’t matter! what matters is do you know how to operate a flow cytometer.#I’m not trying to be patronizing I’m trying to be encouraging like. it’s okay. you can chill a little.#college can be fun and I think it should be. and if you’re not having fun it’s okay to evaluate why#you can change schools or drop out and it won’t ruin your life#it’ll change it! but that’s not always such a bad thing#I’m considering doing an apprenticeship and becoming an electrician bc that seems like a way more fun career than sitting behind a desk#I didn’t need to go to college for that at all
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Just a heads up someone who @'d you recently (404shcats) is red on SE and likely a TERF. Thought you should know, stay safe broski
-Recoil
Hello. Thank you for the concern, but Shinigami Eyes is no longer a trustworthy tool for scouting transphobes such as TERFs. The person you mention addresses this in their pinned post here, and more information can be found in and in the notes of this post. In short, those who moderate and often report users through Shinigami Eyes have begun being/using it to be very transphobic in recent times, especially towards non-dysphoric trans people, trans men, trans people of color, and general trans + intersex inclusionists, framing these people as "transphobes" for not agreeing with common exclusionism and gatekeeping, much like how other inclusionists are framed as bigots for not participating in lateral aggression or discrimination against a particular group (e.g. this is what anti-endos do, framing all pro-endos as ableist for supporting endogenic systems). We do not use Shinigami Eyes and do not consider it a trustworthy source on who is or isn't a transphobe, as it is little more than a stranger's individual and vague review of someone with little to no evaluation from anyone else, which means it is subject to their bias and the bias of the few moderators that run it. I would highly recommend no longer using the tool from here on out and instead evaluating individual blogs for yourself. Other habits and tools that show more promise in avoiding transphobia/transphobes include:
Blocking tags related to TERFism, transphobia, and radical feminism.
Learning dogwhistles such as "womxxn", "womban/wombyn", and "gender traitors", often used by TERFs.
Blocking those who say things that TERFs often say, such as "testosterone is poison" or "all men are perverts", or who show concern about "men in women's bathrooms", "misguided/manipulated young girls mutilating their bodies", or "gender ideology".
Carefully considering posts you see about gender and sex related issues from people you don't know/trust, so as to check if they include subtle bioessentialism, gender essentialism, sexism, intersexism, or transphobia.
Listening to trans and intersex folk about their experiences with TERFs and transphobia/intersexism, so as to get a better idea of what to look out for and how to support trans and intersex people.
In other words, thank you for the concern, but please do not rely on word-of-mouth (as that is essentially how Shinigami Eyes works) to spread rumors on who is and is not a bigot without fact-checking. Fact-checking shows that this system is not a TERF. [PT: Fact-checking shows that this system is not a TERF. / end PT] I'd be surprised if any TERF was reblogging that many positive posts about trans folk and had several openly trans headmates.
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How To Become A Brand New Person ✨✨
Self Reflect:
Journal daily.
Think about past decisions and how they impacted your life.
Meditate regularly.
Create a vision board to visualize your goals.
Review your strengths and weaknesses.
Identify your core values and beliefs.
Figure out your passions and interests.
Think about your childhood dreams and aspirations.
Evaluate your current state of happiness and fulfillment.
Set Clear Goals:
Define specific career goals, like "Get promoted within two years."
Set health goals, like "Lose 20 pounds in six months."
Create financial goals such as "Save $10,000 for a vacation."
Establish personal development goals, like "Read 24 books in a year."
Set relationship goals, such as "Improve communication with my partner."
Define education goals, like "Complete a master's degree in three years."
Set travel goals, like "Visit five new countries in the next two years."
Create hobbies and interests goals, such as "Learn to play a musical instrument."
Set community or volunteer goals, like "Volunteer 100 hours this year."
Establish mindfulness or self-care goals, such as "Practice meditation daily."
Self Care:
Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day.
Follow a balanced diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables.
Prioritize getting 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night.
Practice in relaxation techniques like deep breathing or yoga.
Take regular breaks at work to avoid burnout.
Schedule "me time" for activities you enjoy.
Limit exposure to stressors and toxic people.
Practice regular skincare and grooming routines.
Seek regular medical check-ups and screenings.
Stay hydrated by drinking enough water daily.
Personal Development:
Read a book every month from various genres.
Attend workshops or seminars on topics of interest.
Learn a new language or musical instrument.
Take online courses to acquire new skills.
Set aside time for daily reflection and self improvement.
Seek a mentor in your field for guidance.
Attend conferences and networking events.
Start a side project or hobby to expand your abilities.
Practice public speaking or communication skills.
Do creative activities like painting, writing, or photography.
Create a Support System:
Build a close knit group of friends who uplift and inspire you.
Join clubs or organizations aligned with your interests.
Connect with a mentor or life coach.
Attend family gatherings to maintain bonds.
Be open and honest in your communication with loved ones.
Seek advice from trusted colleagues or supervisors.
Attend support groups for specific challenges (e.g., addiction recovery).
Cultivate online connections through social media.
Find a therapist or counselor for emotional support.
Participate in community or volunteer activities to meet like minded people.
Change Habits:
Cut back on sugary or processed foods.
Reduce screen time and increase physical activity.
Practice gratitude by keeping a daily journal.
Manage stress through mindfulness meditation.
Limit procrastination by setting specific deadlines.
Reduce negative self-talk by practicing self-compassion.
Establish a regular exercise routine.
Create a budget and stick to it.
Develop a morning and evening routine for consistency.
Overcome Fear and Self Doubt:
Face a specific fear head-on (example: public speaking).
Challenge your negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
Seek therapy to address underlying fears or traumas.
Take small, calculated risks to build confidence.
Visualize success in challenging situations.
Surround yourself with supportive and encouraging people.
Journal about your fears and doubts to gain clarity.
Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small.
Focus on your strengths and accomplishments.
Embrace failure as a valuable learning experience.
Embrace Change:
Relocate to a new city or country.
Switch careers or industries to pursue your passion.
Take on leadership roles in your workplace.
Volunteer for projects outside your comfort zone.
Embrace new technologies and digital tools.
Travel to unfamiliar destinations.
Start a new hobby or creative endeavor.
Change your daily routine to add variety.
Adjust your mindset to see change as an opportunity.
Seek out diverse perspectives and viewpoints.
Practice Gratitude:
Write down three things you're grateful for each day.
Express gratitude to loved ones regularly.
Create a gratitude jar and add notes of appreciation.
Reflect on the positive aspects of challenging situations.
Show gratitude by volunteering or helping others in need.
Send thank-you notes or messages to people who've helped you.
Keep a gratitude journal and review it regularly.
Share your gratitude openly during family meals or gatherings.
Focus on the present moment and appreciate the little things.
Practice gratitude even in times of adversity.
Be Patient:
Set realistic expectations for your progress.
Accept that personal growth takes time.
Focus on the journey rather than the destination.
Learn from setbacks and view them as opportunities to improve.
Celebrate small milestones along the way.
Practice self-compassion during challenging times.
Stay committed to your goals, even when progress is slow.
Keep a journal to track your personal growth.
Recognize that patience is a valuable skill in personal transformation.
Celebrate Small Wins:
Treat yourself to your favorite meal or dessert.
Reward yourself with a spa day or self-care activity.
Share your achievements with friends and loved ones.
Create a vision board to visualize your successes.
Acknowledge and congratulate yourself in a journal.
Give yourself permission to take a break and relax.
Display reminders of your accomplishments in your workspace.
Take a day off to celebrate a major milestone.
Host a small gathering to mark your achievements.
Set aside time to reflect on how far you've come.
Maintain Balance:
Set clear boundaries in your personal and work life.
Prioritize self care activities in your daily routine.
Schedule regular breaks and downtime.
Learn to say "no" when necessary to avoid overcommitment.
Evaluate your work life balance regularly.
Seek support from friends and family to avoid burnout.
Be kind to yourself and accept imperfections.
Practice mindfulness to stay present and grounded.
Revisit your priorities and adjust them as needed.
Embrace self love and self acceptance as part of your daily life.
#personal improvement#personal development#personal growth#self help#self awareness#self reflection#self improvement#level up journey#self love journey#dream girl guide#dream girl journey#dream girl tips#becoming that girl#that girl#it girl#glow up tips#glow up#clean girl#pink pilates girl#divine feminine#femininity#femme fatale#feminine journey
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Let's talk about zoo animal welfare for a second...
(And I want to preface this by saying I have a 4 year Bachelor degree in Animal Science (focusing in welfare and behaviour with a major in Canine and Equine Science) before I got sidetracked into zoo animals and did 3 internships working with wild canids, ungulates and marine mammals - this involved both hands on behaviour modification/desenitisation as well as hands off behavioural observation and welfare study. I worked for 2 years as a marine mammal specialist and worked specifically in facilities to improve husbandry, behavioural training and welfare practises.
I also worked in a facility in the Asia Pacific, working to improve welfare standards for bottlenose dolphins and continued to work with cetacean welfare researchers after this. I also did a course in zoo management, husbandry and welfare and this involved working in an accredited zoo facility learning things like exhibit design, behaviour management and husbandry with multiple species.)
So a few points to say about zoo animal welfare when discussing zoo standards and practises:
The average person does not have the expertise to do behaviour observation and welfare evaluation in zoo animals - that's why when the general public visits a zoo and says "the animal looks sad" it's worth being skeptical of that claim. But it doesn't mean a gut feeling about a zoo's quality can be completely invalid. Just that it might be worth researching further or seeking more information.
However, with experience, it is possible to analyse behaviour in the context of welfare. And context to that behaviour is always important (for example, Moo Deng showing stress related behaviour towards the specific context of being touched or followed around by her keeper - very much an indication of poor handling practises)
Poor animal husbandry and welfare is not limited to specific countries or regions, however it can be more normalised and accepted under the influnce of cultures and laws. Or even just the culture of the zoo itself such as the "this is the way we've always done it" places.
Being an accredited zoo is a start to good welfare, but it doesn't make any sort of welfare concern obsolete. And accreditation is supposed to ensure that welfare concerns are addressed but because they are mostly run as a volunteer based organisation, they often don't have resources to check into every concern (unless it's a government funded organisation)
A zoo contributing to conservation research is great, but not if it is at the expense of the animals' welfare - welfare should always be prioritised, with research and conservation efforts to follow.
Welfare is a state that is in flux. So a negative welfare state can move into positive welfare state under different influences.
There are multiple factors that influence zoo animal welfare: enclosure/habitat, expression of natural behaviour, guest interaction, diet, enrichment, water quality, hygeine ect. It'll rarely just be one factor, though it does depend how salient that factor is.
Just because a keeper or management of a zoo have been there for a long time, doesn't mean they can't be criticised - it is possible to be still using outdated practises and believing in methodologies and management practises that need updating - that's the whole point of continued education
Having limited resources can often impact welfare. Giving a facility the resources they need to improve is a good start to improving welfare.
Even if an animal is being handled in an inappropriate way for a short time, that doesn't mean that can't have long term implications for welfare eg. if every time your dog jumped on you when you got home and you smacked him in the face once before going on with your day, that doesn't mean that your dog won't learn negative associations with your arrival just because it was one time.
Best practise husbandry of zoo animals involves:
Use of positive reinforcement based voluntary husbandry and health care
All interaction based on choice and voluntary interaction that is reinforced with primary reinforcement such as food
Mostly hands off approaches for the species that require them (ungulates, large primates, large carnivores)
Relatively stable social groups with aggression only in specific situations/contexts that are normal for the species
Back areas for animals to rest outside of public view
Species appropriate habitats to meet species specific behaviour requirements
Five freedoms of welfare being met but goes above and beyond the bare minimum
Poor zoo animal husbandry involves animals:
Being forced into anything such as presentations, education programs, medical procedures/gating
Any use of physical punishment such as chasing, slapping, pushing or poking - negative reinforcement such as bull hooks are also fairly outdated in handling species like elephants
Being excessively handled, chased and touched/restrained for no reason (eg. for social media videos)
Showing signs of avoidance and aggression constantly towards their keepers
Have constant conflict happening in their social groups
Are living in enclosures that are not suitable for their specific specific needs - size is only one factor in this. Substrate, habitat design, water quality ect. are also things to consider.
Are too close to the public/at risk from the public
Have no areas to retreat from the public/rest away from potential stressors
Have no enrichment program/no daily enrichment
Those are all flags that there could be some poor welfare happening and that a zoo is not prioritising welfare
Okay there's the ramble of the day done. Feel free to ask questions for further clarification if needed.
#I kind of hate when my posts break containment because it's a full time job trying to explain things to people who think they know better#zoo politics#animal welfare#zoo animal welfare#or want to bend over backwards to justify shitty animal husbandry because of whatever reason
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Continuing on the topic of connection being not a feeling, but a rather a set of circumstances in which you are engaging and participating, I think a lot of people out there just don't realize how dangerous the way many of us have been taught to think of feelings in relation to spirituality really is.
Like Zan pointed out, Evangelical Christians are taught that positive emotions are actually the Lord moving through them, rather than their own personal reactions to their experiences. Meanwhile, Evangelical church services are deliberately engineered to elicit these kinds of of feelings in people. It's pure emotional manipulation.
Similar ideas are found in New Age spirituality, where "spiritual discernment" is frequently boiled down to "does it make me feel good or not?" People are taught to evaluate politically charged information based on whether it, for lack of a better term, sparks joy. Now, determining whether or not something sparks joy is a wonderful way to decide whether you want to keep your old tea kettle, but here we're talking about information that people will base crucial personal and political choices on.
Meanwhile, New Age influencers do everything they can to make sure they're sparking joy for you. Let's take Paul White Gold Eagle, for example. His videos are constantly talking about things that sound exciting, like messages from archangels, dragons of light, and emerald transmissions. This type of baiting - joybaiting, I'll call it - is meant to hook you emotionally and make you think that this has to be true because it elicits that oooough, shiny reaction. Next thing you know, you've been joybaited into falling down the conspirituality pipeline and you believe some version of QAnon's conspiracy theories.
This kind of thinking is even dangerous in pagan circles. You find yourself thinking about a thing and noticing a lot? You feel an intense pull to study it? You'll find people out there telling you that you have a spiritual connection to it, like, maybe you were part of it in a past life. And maybe you go and get a past life reading, or even undergo hypnosis. And now you, the whitest gal in the surburb with zero familial connections to any Native people, feel entitled to appropriate some form of Native spirituality because you felt fascination with it, or what you thought it was, and now you're contributing to white sage decimation and spreading around some sort of Native-flavored form of neopaganism as if it's actual Native spirituality.
Or maybe you fall in with a neopagan cult leader who uses your fascination to convince you that you knew each other in a past life, and you were led to them in this life so you could continue some important work in this life, and they pull you completely into their bullshit.
Finally, it's dangerous because it encourages stalkers. A lot of stalkers are people with incredibly powerful fixations on others. These types of beliefs get them convinced that their victims are actually their soulmates or twin flames or whathaveyou, and make them feel justified in engaging in stalking behavior.
All of this is why it's important to recognize that connection is a circumstance, not a feeling. Your feelings are utterly irrelevant to whether you are actually connected. What most people take for "feeling connected" is literally just fascination or fixation, maybe reinforced by the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Real connection is something you cultivate and build, and it does not exist outside of your actual, physical engagement and participation.
#connection#nature#witchcraft#witchblr#pagan#paganblr#connection is not a feeling#spirituality#animism
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💄🎬Mercury in the Houses🎬💄
❗️All the observations in this post are based on personal experience and research, it's completely fine if it doesn't resonate with everyone❗️
✨️Paid Services ✨️ (Natal charts and tarot readings) Open!
🎬If you like my work you can support me through Ko-fi. Thank you!🎬
💄Masterlist💄
✨️Mercury symbolizes a person's intellect, communication, the exchange of ideas, studies, learning✨️
💄In the 1st house: it gives the person a curious, competitive mind, and a mental and intellectual capacity with a superior gift when it comes to expressing oneself both in writing and speaking. This ability will be ideal for working in the academic and scientific world, or somewhere in which their voices can be heard.
💄In the 2nd house: mental and communication abilities will give the person a gift in financial aspects, business. With this intellectual capacity, they will know how to earn a living through their mental effort. They will be able to see where to achieve success and where not. They will be able to work in areas such as journalism, or writing.
💄In the 3rd house: very powerful since it is their own house of Mercury and they can better develop their qualities. In this house everything related to studies, learning, and intellectual faculties will be very good for them; they tend to have multiple interests and careers.
💄In the 4th house: it gives the person an intellectual environment in their family roots. Mercury in this placement favors professions that have to do with the house (architect for example).
💄In the 5th house: it has to do with creativity, here the intellectual part can favor these natives being writers, intellectuals. They will be attracted to reading, writing, everything that has to do with curiosity, with learning. They will have few children and if they have a relationship with them, they will have very good communication.
💄In the 6th house: a very good position for everything related to work, responsibility, involvement. It also has to do with technology, since it requires observation and is ideal for health problems. Predisposition to change jobs and to move around for work issues.
💄In the 7th house: it favors finding a partner who is either younger or with intellectual and/or restless attitudes. It may be that marriage is sometimes more out of interest than love. This position helps you to know how to move in the social area and to know how to emerge victorious in situations.
💄In the 8th house: it is a perfect position for psychologists and occultists. These natives will be attracted by the ancient, the occult, everything that has to do with research. Favorable position for business, finances.
💄In the 9th house: it favors intellectual growth to give a person oriented to be a scientist or a writer of some kind. Numerous trips abroad will surely, although long and short durations. Philology, literature and innate facility in languages will attract you.
💄In the 10th house: it will make the native ideal for professions such as diplomat or politicians, there is an humanitarian nature to them. Everything that has to do with the business world will be attractive to this native. Their sharp mind will make them reap great professional successes. It may sometimes cause instability.
💄In the 11th house: Mercury will provide this native with intelligent and diplomatic friendships that will be related to communication. They know how to inspire loyalty in their friends. They will be in groups where there is an exchange of ideas. Friendships with family members.
💄In the 12th house: Mercury has a difficult role here. Since they will feel like the black sheep among their environment. They will be a person who will be highly evaluated, judged. They are intelligent but will not know how to express themselves well. Traumas in childhood, adolescence.
#astrology placements#astrology#astrology moodboard#astro blog#astro notes#astro news#astro observations#astro community#zodiac observations#zodiac signs#zodiac#astro seek#mars in cancer#horoscope#paid natal chart reading#natal chart reading#tarot reading#tarot and astrology#kpop astrology#kpop tarot#mercury retrograde#mercury in virgo#mercury in astrology#mercury in scorpio#mercury in leo#mercury in the 12th house#mercury in the houses#mercury in libra#mercury in 1st house#mercury astrology
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A Series of Happenstance
Spencer Reid x House!Daughter!Reader
Summary: The three times Spencer loathed to see you and the one time he pleaded to Trope:Angst; think post Tobias Spencer Reid w.c: 5.2k Disclaimer: I am no way a medical personnel, least of all a psychiatrist so there will be medical inaccuracies A/N: this is part one of my house!daughter series and it’s angst, babes. Spencer is just mean and lashing out here which is totally understandable. It also took a while since writing such heavy pieces of fiction takes a toll on me but I hope, especially to the ones who were excited for this series, love it still. Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated! 💗 masterlist
The first meeting
Spencer didn’t want to be here—here being in this cream colored, four cornered room, facing off the ultimate nemesis of profiler. Not an unsolvable case, not an unsub, but rather a psychiatrist contracted by the FBI for psych evaluation.
He was fine, he insisted to Hotch. He can compartmentalize well, he rationalized to Gideon. He just needed rest and the comfort of his own bed, he stated to the whole team. But protocols were protocols and his unit chief was a stickler to rules especially when it involved the care for his team.
That was how he found himself on a Tuesday afternoon, sitting in silence and watching the ticking of the clock as if it was the most interesting piece of art there was.
The tension was stifling. Spencer could almost see it tainting his vision red. Biting the insides of his cheek, he wanted to keep everything in.
No, he needed to.
He knew he was being rude, petulant even but for once, he didn’t have it in him to care. He didn’t know you. You were a complete stranger being paid by the government to report back any findings that could keep him out of the field. It wasn’t fair. You were just accepting the call of duty but you bore the brunt of his ire and hostile gaze.
In the normal setting, he would have found you intriguing. Your office colored in taupe—cold, distant, and linked to the desire to escape from the world but in the farthest side of the room was a shelf littered with books and small knick knacks that seemed to be collected over the years rather than curated to match the professional setting. The books ranged from published psychology dissertations, medical teaching materials, and collections of essays from well-revered and obscure writers.
You were dressed in black and white, standard for your importance, but your nails were painted in a pale pink color—close to looking natural but not quite. And lastly, your looks.
You were beautiful, don’t get him wrong, he may not have the same experiences as Morgan did with the opposite sex but he knows a beautiful attractive woman when he sees one. No, it wasn’t that, it was how young you looked—almost or maybe even sharing the same age as him.
A genius, then.
A prodigy in your own field just like him.
“Doctor Reid,” the low timber of your voice bringing him out of his musings. It sent a shiver down his spine when he first heard you speak. A reaction that he catalogued in his mind as a mystery to be revisited later on.
He subtly tilted his head to the side, an indication that you had his attention albeit reluctantly.
“Anything you say in this room is strictly confidential,” you gestured with your hand. “No file or notes will be passed to your unit chief or any personnels of the brass. I promise you.”
He scoffed, breaking his vow of silence. “That’s not a hundred percent true, Doctor. Lying to get your patient to talk can only get you so far.”
“I understand where you’re coming from but all I submit to the FBI is my conclusion if you’re fit to go back to work or not, patient-confidentiality still stands—” your delicate fingers feebly holding your pen. “Now, I sensed a little resentment. Is it coming from your self-loathing about having to choose a victim for Tobias Hankel or is it your displaced anger from separating with your team liaison, Agent Jareau?”
He glared at you. How dare you imply the seething anger from within him is directed at anyone but himself. “What? No, no, no. I’m not angry at anything or anyone! Maybe at you and this whole evaluation but never at JJ or—” he cut himself off.
“The suspect,” you continued on for him, jotting down notes on your black leather journal.
“The unsub. Unknown subject.” He corrected, second nature of him to do so. “We call them the unsub.”
You nodded, a lock of hair falling away from your bun. A distracting motion that momentarily rendered him speechless. “Alright. Are you angry at yourself and your decision to separate with Agent Jareau during the case?”
He scoffed but opted to stay silent. Spencer had already given too much of his emotion away by answering the earlier questions.
For any regular citizen, it may seem like the opposite but given the sound of you scribbling away on the pages of the notebook, you beg to differ.
You crossed your pant covered leg and stared into his eyes, a maneuver that could mean two things: 1) you were sizing him up, which was highly unlikely given the dynamics, regardless of his hostility or 2) you were trying to connect with him, a move backed by science that stated eye contact releases oxytocin—a bonding hormone.
A study he didn’t want to prove right at the moment.
“Do you perhaps feel remorse for the unsub?”
His left eye twitched. “Tobias Hankel.”
“Is there a reason behind why you’d prefer to call the unsub by name?” You further asked, having found a sore subject to poke and prod to elicit a reaction.
The answer was yes, of course. Tobias was just a victim as much as he, Spencer Reid, was—the unsub, in his eyes, was a victim of bad fate that resulted in fracturing his psyche but a shrink didn’t need to know that.
To be exact, the FBI didn’t need to know that he, an active and upstanding agent, felt remorse and guilt for not being able to save Tobias. Human emotion rarely had a place in bureaucracy and paperwork.
“How old are you?” Spencer nonchalantly inquired to throw you off his trail. “You look too young to be a Doctor contracted by the brass.”
You scribbled something again in your notebook before answering in a monotone voice as if your reply has been well rehearsed. “24, about to turn 25 and yes, I do look young. I graduated early due to my intelligence which I believe is the same case for you, Doctor—” you clasped your hands in front of you, leaning slightly forward. “—which brings us back to the topic, the anger inside of you, who is it directed to?”
His eyes shifted to the clock—5pm.
A small smile graced his face. The time was up.
“Well, I believe we’re done here, Doctor—” he proceeded to stand up, picking on an imaginary lint as he did so. “—I would say it’s been nice meeting you but that would be a lie you’d no doubt catch and analyze.”
Your lips pressed thinly together, imitating a smile but Spencer knew that move quite well—you were reining in any unsolicited and possibly inappropriate comment regarding his snappy behavior.
A small chuckle escaped his lips. If he, a profiler, considered you, a psychiatrist, his number one nemesis, there was no doubt you consider him the same.
As he was about to step out of the office, your slender fingers brandished a calling card.
“Here’s my number—” he gingerly took it as if it contained some unknown pathogen. “—and my door is always open when you’re ready to talk, Doctor Reid.”
He nodded once, a goodbye. “Doctor House.”
There was little doubt in Spencer’s mind that he’d never willingly stop by your office again but if he had been paying attention to your subtle patronizing words of farewell, he would have picked up that this encounter was far from over.
Especially when he found out on a busy Tuesday morning from Hotch that you had deemed him unfit to return back to the field—effectively barring him from the jet on its way to Idaho.
The second meeting
There was a series of rapid knocks on your office door.
As a psychiatrist with your own practice, it was highly unusual for clients to suddenly show up with no prior appointments or even a customary phone call.
It was a Tuesday morning and like clockwork, you’ve allotted the first half of the day in catching up with paperwork dealing with your office and evaluations for the FBI.
That gave you a pause, remembering a snipping agent who you deemed unfit for duty. Dr. Spencer Reid. The genius profiler who joined the ranks at the tender age of 22. A prodigy in his old field, just like you.
He was closed off, simmering with rage almost, and there was little doubt in your mind that he was the one behind the door, ceaselessly knocking. After all, when you sent in your evaluation directly to his unit chief, the stoic man’s face twitched with concern and maybe a little bit of annoyance in the paperwork it would entail.
“Come in,” you called out, hands clasping together on top of your desk. A perfect picture of professionalism.
The door swung open, revealing a tightly wounded Dr. Spencer Reid.
With a thick cardigan adorning on his body and a leather satchel draped over his shoulders to his front, he looked normal. But you knew better, his choice of outerwear represented a security blanket in the middle of September and his placement of satchel acted as a shield and its’ straps a stress ball. With just that one look you knew he wasn’t ready to back with his team.
“Dr. Reid, what can I do for you?” You asked, hand unclasping and indicating to the seat in front of you. “Please sit.”
Closing the door behind him, he shuffled closer to your desk but made no indication to sit down. “I’d rather stand, Dr. House, and I think you know why I’m here.”
A show of dominance. Right away, he wanted control the outcome of this conversation to his favor. It was textbook psychology, a taunt you wanted no part of.
A slight smile appeared on your face, one that could be translated as friendly for those open and condescending for those closed off. “I believe I don’t follow.”
“My evaluation, you made a mistake,” the left corner of his mouth lifting for a smirk. There was a vein visible on his temple, his anger and will to bottle it up manifesting physically.
You tilted your head to the side, unwavering in your gaze, hands clasped and index fingers tapping together. The pause and silence was a standard tactic to get a patient to break, similar to what law enforcement uses with suspects but results may vary especially when used on a seasoned profiler.
Right away, Spencer understood your tactic. “That won’t work. We use that in every case, I know the standard—” he looked around the room. “—should I lower the temperature too?”
You answered with silence. The agent in front of you now was no longer thinking clearly. His objective mind that would deem him fit to return for duty clouded with emotion, anger and something else.
His right hand touched above his left wrist. A subconscious move provoked by your unrelenting gaze. A move that gave away an important piece of information that his unit chief no doubt omitted in the reports.
Ah.
Tobias Hankel was a drug addict.
And in turn has subjected the agent in front of you to his vices.
You sighed. Suddenly the case no longer felt black and white, it was treading close to home as you remembered your father who’s abusing Vicodin in lieu of his leg pain. It was a sore spot for you—a clink in your armor.
“Sit, please,” you indicated to the chair in front of you again.
Spencer complied this time, having heard a change in your tone.
“Dr Reid,” you started. “I believe my evaluation of you is still correct—”
He opened his mouth to argue.
“—but, please let me finish, perhaps we can compromise. As a psychiatrist, it’s not in my practice to give in to my client’s demands but as you are not a regular client, I believe it would be beneficial for the both of us to reach an understanding.”
You walked towards the locked cabinet to your right. It was where you kept all medical equipments—including medicine for patients. Reaching back to the depths of the lower shelf, your hand brought out a non-descriptive black pouch from its hiding. You sat beside Spencer, effectively communicating that you are both on the same level.
“I will approve your return for duty as long as you come back for a couple of sessions, not FBI contracted, strictly confidential, and you—” handing him the zipped pouch before continuing on. “—get drug tested.”
Spencer narrowed his eyes. Perhaps he knew that his unit chief and mentor kept the delicate nature of his case out of the bureau and wondered how you pieced everything together. He underestimated you, you realized. A mistake on his end.
“I’m a psychiatrist, I know the signs Dr. Reid, and besides, I’m a genius just like you,” you adjusted your posture, slightly leaning back.
Check.
He smiled, one that you could say no longer contained malice. It was instead filled with resignation and relief. “You’re right. I underestimated you, Dr. House.”
Standing up, you dusted imaginary lint from your black pencil skirt before extending your hand out for a handshake.
He hesitated before reaching over shaking it once. His hands were rough and calloused from frequent holding of his gun but felt oddly warm and soothing. It represented who he was in your eyes—prickly and rough around the edges but soft and good on the inside.
As he exited your office with a soft thud of the door behind him, you admitted to yourself that you took a huge gamble. Rather than a checkmate, all you did was check his king. You didn’t ask if he had built his own stash of drugs after the case was finished. It was a risk you were willing to take just to take a step closer in getting the agent to trust you. Baby steps were better than nothing. You could work with that.
There was still the drug test you could rely on. A black and white piece of paper that would tell the truth if done at the right time. After all, the most important teaching your father, the older Dr. House, has imparted on you was—
Everybody lies.
The third meeting
The bar at the corner Main Street on a Friday night was a rare place for you to be. The echoes of its pulsing music could be heard a couple of shops away, luring bodies than the space could ever handle like it were Pied Piper and the people—by extension, you, were the unsuspecting kids. The lights were colored orange, giving the area a tint of good times and bad decisions. The aged brick walls discolored in a multitude of shades and the decorative posters were aimlessly nailed to the wall. There was a section far from the bar that was filled with moving bodies—people letting loose and exhibiting what you’d call a mating dance for anyone interested and beside the bar were two dart boards, popular with the crowd, but had seen better days.
This wasn’t your usual scene as you excused your way to the bar tucked at the center space. It wasn’t due to snobbery, like what your friend Kyle once joked, it was preference.
The sticky floor beneath your sensible nude heels had you wishing that your feet were tucked in a soft blanket with mind numbing television playing in the background instead of navigating the throng of people holding their drink of choice and inhaling the musky scent of liquor and sweat.
“Haven’t seen you around here,” a tenor voice flirted from beside you.
Your eyebrow raised as you took in the source—a burly African-American with a buzzcut. There was something distinct about him that set him apart from the rest. It wasn’t his built or the way his grey shirt stretched to fit around his biceps. It also wasn’t the twinkle in his eye as he tried to entice you to flirt back. One of his hands drifted down to his waist and with his wide leg stance, you knew.
A cop. An off duty law enforcement officer.
You laughed. “Does that line usually work on women, especially from—” you paused for suspense. ”—a cop?”
“Okay,” the stranger chuckled. “Close, want to try again?”
A smile stretched your glossed pink lips. You were never one to back away from a challenge—it was one of the traits you inherited from the other Dr House.
“Well, if we’re basing it on where the bar is located nearby and my fifty percent guess from a while ago, I’d say you were a cop—maybe for a couple of years, before joining the FBI. Maybe counter terrorism—” the memory of Dr. Reid talking about his team found its way to the forefront of your mind. “—or by any chance, the BAU?”
He could no longer hide the surprise from his face. “Right, that’s right. What gave it away? Was it my ruggedly handsome looks or are you just a mind reader?”
You thanked the bartender before trying to find your way out of the surge of people behind you, clamoring to place their order. The stranger stretched out his muscular arms, guiding you away from the bar towards his booth.
“Just a mind reader,” you simplified—an action that came as second nature to you. In the past, when you would disclose your job as a psychiatrist, people would react in two ways. One, they’d get subconscious that you’d read into every body language they’d have, causing them to shy away or two, they’d become over-zealous and ask you to diagnose them all in good fun like it was some sort of magician’s trick.
A mop of light brown curly hair parked beside a long blonde hair caught your periphery. He had his back turned but it was a presence you’ve slowly started getting familiar with. It was Dr. Spencer Reid, out in the natural setting, a first.
Your eyes slowly widened as you realized where he was guiding you and who he might be.
“Huh,” you uttered under your breath before flashing a smile to the stranger beside you. “Are you by any chance, Derek Morgan?”
“Okay, now you’re starting to freak me out. How’d you do that, Ms. Mind Reader?”
A different timber of voice answered. “It’s because I told her—” a pair of hazel eyes turned to you, filled with accusation. “—Dr. House. Are you keeping tabs on me?”
“Dr. Reid, I didn’t think I’d see you here.”
He scoffed. “In a bar? Near my office? The statistics on seeing me here is actually surprisingly high.”
He was hostile, understandably so as here you were, a stranger, who knows his deepest, darkest secret mixing in with the otherwise innocent parties of his personal life. It was no harm, caused no click in your armor—he’d been cooperative as of the late within the confines of your office but seeing you beyond the four corners of your taupe walls threw him off the loop.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t think I caught your name,” the blonde woman beside Spencer, flashed you a smile, hand stretching out for a handshake. “I’m Jennifer Jareau, but you can call me JJ.”
You shook her hand. “Ah, it’s great to meet you, Agent Jareau.”
“So, how do you know Spence?”
You smiled, unsure on how to disclose your psychiatrist-patient relationship with someone he works with. You didn’t know how much his team members knew about his scheduled Saturday meetings with you or if they even knew at all what Dr. Reid was going through.
From the past appointments, you’ve categorized the agent as an anxious avoidant type—something geniuses who grew up in a non-secure household tend to share. Yourself, included.
Your eyes glanced at Spencer before drifting towards the table behind him, subtly trying to figure out his choice of drink. You hoped it was non-alcoholic. He’d be suffering from withdrawals and if he clung to a substitute vice, you’d have to find a roundabout way to tackle the issue without pushing him to close off again. You didn’t need that, he was just starting to open up after all, plus if he stopped cooperating, you’d have no choice but to bring it up to his supervisors, jeopardizing his career.
A clear glass came into view as he shuffled his weight from one foot to the other.
Water. It was water.
You breathed a sigh of relief before slowly panning up, locking eyes with Dr. Reid. His gaze narrowed, having understood what you were checking on.
Checkmate.
“She’s FBI’s contracted psychiatrist,” he explained, jaw tight from anger.
You flashed him a little smile before averting your eyes in chagrin.
“I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you look a little to young to be a licensed doctor,” Agent Jareau observed.
“I graduated early.”
Morgan’s left hand pats your back while the other pats Dr. Reid’s. “Another genius, then. You’d get along great with our pretty boy over here. He’s always going on and on about facts and statistics—“
“No offense Morgan, but I don’t think we’d get along at all,” Spencer sneered. “I’d rather not get to know someone who has an ulterior motive.”
Your hand tightened around your glass. “It’s great to meet you, Agent Jareau and Agent Morgan but I think my friends would be looking for me,” you flashed the young agent a dejected smile. “Dr. Reid, hope to see you again soon.”
“I don’t,” he sardonically replied.
You nodded once before turning back to where you friends would be, settled in the four seater booth, unaware that you may have just burned the rocky bridge you’ve built with a patient in need.
The fourth meeting
A warbled hum roused you from slumber.
With one eye straining to stay open, the digital clock on your dresser displayed 12:21. Midnight—the time for humans to all be in stupor but based on the humming, subdued underneath your pillow, there was one exception.
You sat up, blindly reaching for the phone. There was no programmed name for the number and right away, an eerie feeling started swirling in your gut. This was no social call. A call this hour could only be one thing, an emergency.
“Hello. Who is this?” Your voice still rough from sleep.
No answer.
You pressed the phone closer to your ear, hard enough to possibly leave a mark. There were light rustles on the other end that indicated a presence, a person that wouldn’t or couldn’t answer your inquiry.
“Hello,” you tried again, voice raising at the end from tension. “Is anyone there?”
There was silence. The dread in your stomach further worsening as if group of bats decided to wreak havoc in its dark crevices. There was no indication that this was a prank call and there was also no indication that it wasn’t.
You bit your lip, torn between hanging up and waiting for an existence to make itself known. It could be nothing or it could be—your train of thought suddenly taking a sharp left turn to the corner that a certain FBI agent unknowingly occupies. You had given him your number, having scrawled it at the back of your calling card during the very first meeting, purely out of the goodness of trying to put back the broken genius that graced and intrigued your doors.
“Dr. Spencer Reid?” You hesitantly asked, hoping that your intuition was wrong. That this wasn’t the agent calling for help.
A deep groan answered.
“Oh gods,” you breathed out. “Okay, okay. Just—shit, just stay on the line. I’m coming, I swear. Just—fuck.” Your feet scrambled out of the apartment, never mind the lights or the chill that the midnight had cloaked the air with.
It was your worst nightmare. You knew what this call was, you knew his state on the other side of the phone by experience.
Hands trembling as you started the ignition of your car and speedily backing up the parking lot and out the streets in little time.
“Spencer,” formality be damned at this point as you turned a sharp right, your GPS indicating 8 minutes away from destination. “Spencer, are you still there?”
A light rustle replied.
“I’m almost there, hang on for me, okay,” your hand letting go of the steering wheel to push the tousled hair away from your face.
Each second felt like an eternity, each time passed threatened to push your mind into the fog of panic and memory of your very own father taking a whole bottle of Oxycodone and leaving a message for you and your grandmother. The panic, the fear, and the dread of that very moment had come back in two folds.
Your clammy fingers leaving pinch marks on the back of your palm. “Not now, not now,” you whispered to yourself. “I can’t have an attack now, keep it together.”
“Dr. House,” Spencer gravely slurred.
You haphazardly parked the car at the nearest available sidewalk space, uncaring if by some miracle you get ticketed. “I’m here, Spencer. I’m here.”
There was a groan as you hurriedly ran up the apartment stairs, grateful that the security below was surprisingly lax.
Third floor, get to the third floor. I need to get to the third floor—you repeated under your breath. You could have called an ambulance or better yet his team member, SSA Derek Morgan, but you felt the urge to make sure he was alright. To make him see that someone else besides from his mother and team care about him. To make him see that life was worth living, no matter the good or the bad.
“Spencer, I’m outside your door,” you tried to catch your breath. “Do you think you could let me in?”
And for a few seconds, there was only the tense silence before a series of gasps and groans crescendo’ed louder and louder from the phone speaker and on the other side of the door.
Shit. You knew what those grunts of pain and pleas meant, he was seizing.
Slamming down on the ground, uncaring if your exposed knees get bruised, you sent a silent thank you to your past self for leaving a hair pin inside the pockets of your sleep shorts. Breaking and entering was yet another skill set you learned from the other Dr House and his team of skilled doctors, you just never imagined you’d be applying that knowledge in breaking and entering a federal agent’s home.
The door unlocked and you barreled your way to the living space where a frightful sight greeted you—Spencer on the floor, laying still as if he was peacefully sleeping.
“No, no, no,” you slid beside him, mind cataloguing every detail for the right action. An empty needle near his exposed right arm and an empty glass bottle of Dilaudid.
No rise and fall of the chest.
And no pulse. Medical training kicking in, you tilted his head up, clearing the pathway, and started chest compressions.
One. Two. Three—
“C’mon, Spencer, breathe,” you grunted in between pumps.
One. Two. Three. Four—
You leaned down to his chapped lips, blowing air to his mouth. “I need you to breathe for me, okay. Breathe, Spencer.”
One. Two. Three. Four. Five—
“Breathe, c’mon Spencer,” you knew there was a high probability for the agent to have his own stash of narcotics and in by agreeing to keep his secret, lest he loses his badge, to get him to open up was a gamble. A risk you were now regrettably paying for.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six—
“Dammit Spencer, I could lose my license for this. Breathe, I need you to breathe.”
A sputtering of coughs escaped his lips.
“Oh thank you, thank you,” you breathed out, arms sagging from the pressure of performing CPR and the weight of fear that you might have been too late.
Spencer groaned. “Dr. House?”
You nodded, the salty tears blurring your vision. The image of him lying still was burned into your memory, the same way the mirage of your own father lying in a pool of his own vomit. He’s alive—they’re both alive.
Your hands angrily erased the rivulets the tears left behind on your cheeks. Now wasn’t the time to give in to relief and emotion. Although Spencer was out of the woods, there was still a huge uphill battle to tackle.
“I’ll carry you to bed, lean your weight on me,” you huffed as you helped him up the floor, making sure to take in most of his weight that you could.
The form of you, tears still streaming down your face and steps away from a breakdown, and his hunched form, weak and pliant, was a sight to behold. It was a sight after battle—after the white flag had been waved and the injured tying their best to find their way back to life.
It was sad. It was hopeful.
It was a brush on humanity’s eternal friend, death. Death that still loomed in the corners of the apartment, biding his time to take what was promised.
You laid him gently on the bed before running back to the spied kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. The smell of books permeated the air as if to try and bring your panicked mind back to the present. If it were any other day, you would have found yourself perusing his shelves of eclectic classic literature but this wasn’t the right time and place.
Your bare feet sliding across the floor to make its way back to the groaning figure on the bed, threatening to sit up.
“No,” you tapped his shoulder to get him back down. “I need you to rest.”
“But—”
“No buts Spencer. Rest, I’ll stay here.”
His drooping eyes reading yours, trying to find any type of lie that would break his being further than it already was. Spencer was a broken man and this was the first time you could see written in his eyes his plea for help and company. “You promise?”
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
His hands blindly groping across the bed spread before it found the treasure it was searching for, your hand. He enveloped his with yours, calloused fingers intertwining with smooth. A contrast that brought him comfort—you were here. You were real. You felt safe. You saved him.
He was alive.
And with that, his eyes closed to fall into a peaceful slumber, one that he hadn’t had in months.
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