#how they both have repressed and hidden some parts of themselves (their identity and their love)

[catabasis]

“Now, look here, nothing good will come of it. You must take that emotion and you must bury it. Never let it out.”

BBC Ghosts | Good Omens

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Feeling vent-y today.

//Phantom Thieves of Hope might be the most emotional I have ever been writing a fanfic.

//I know this isn't really related to Survivor or anything, but one of the biggest things that I take into account when writing this story is the way that, how in the Persona series, there are many explorations of a character's psyche, both good and bad.

//Though it's always been in a different context each game, it always takes the inner desires, thoughts, emotions, and everything in relation.

//The very concept of the Persona's in the series themselves is that they are manifestations of a character's inner self, representing their true nature, desires, and fears. Central to the games is the idea of the "mask" people wear in society to hide their true feelings and the psychological tension that results from this duality.

//But there's so much more to it than that.

//The concept of "Shadows" in Personas 3, 4, and 5 refers to suppressed parts of the self. Shadows represent emotions that people would prefer to ignore or reject, such as fear, remorse, shame, or longing. Characters in Persona 4, for instance, have to face their Shadows, which are warped mirror images of their internal struggles, and this physical battle represents a PSYCHOLOGICAL battle with how people frequently suppress aspects of themselves that they find uncomfortable acknowledging, leading to internal conflict.

//Carl Jung's theories of Persona, Shadow, and the collective unconscious are greatly referenced in the series. How the characters in the series deal with their inner demons is largely influenced by Jung's theory that each person has distinct sides of their personality, such as the Persona, which is the mask they portray to the outside world, and the Shadow, which stands for the darker, hidden aspects. They are compelled to confront and reconcile these facets as a result of their interactions with Shadows, leading to personal development.

//Again, themes of self-acceptance are a major emphasis of Persona 4 especially. In order to awaken their Personas, characters who have difficulty embracing or knowing who they truly are must face their genuine selves. They change emotionally and mentally by accepting and embracing their shortcomings, fears, or unspoken desires; this represents the challenging process of self-discovery.

//It's not handled super well, but the idea is still there, and still very important.

//Persona 5 adopts a more comprehensive, sociological perspective, emphasizing how limitations and social influences affect an individual's identity, especially youths. The Phantom Thieves in the core series revolt against a corrupt society in which repressive institutions stifle people's actual personalities. So instead of people simply hiding their true selves behind a mask, it's moreso the societal pressure that FORCES them into hiding, and Joker, the protagonist, therefore becomes responsible in rescuing people from various mental prisons, as each Palace symbolizes a distinct type of psychological confinement in which the oppressor's twisted mind is reflected in the distorted wants of the oppressed.

//Phantom Thieves of Hope was originally created after I made some crossover artwork between this blog and the Persona series, as voted upon by you guys in the ask box. But as things stand, I have been writing the fanfic for well over a year now, and I genuinely believe that, purely because of the surprisingly perfect blend between Persona and Danganronpa as a pair of franchises, it's probably one of, if not THE, best fanfic I've ever written.

//Because in order to achieve all of the above and create a true feeling of the Persona series, it ultimately comes down to my psychoanalyzing the Danganronpa characters, looking for the reasons and emotional fluctuations behind each of their quirks, and by doing that, I end up putting them in the best light they could possibly be under.

//For example, as things currently stand, I am writing a few chapters that revolve mainly around Komaru and Toko.

//But unlike in both the core series and Survivor, these chapters are not looking at their relationship. They are looking in depth at the Despair Girls as INDIVIDUAL characters, and their own complexities.

//And the result in the end has brought them into a new light for me, and made me love them both even more.

//Danganronpa is chock full of characters who have hidden fears, doubts, and weaknesses, and it's very important that each character has these, because it's those exact fears and desires that allow Monokuma to manipulate them, and make them kill. In a Persona series, the confidant storylines of the core cast typically involve them confronting these exact established fears.

//Which is really interesting.

//Danganronpa examines human behavior under extreme psychological pressure in a life-or-death scenario, and it normally ends one of two ways: Personal growth, or mental breakdown. But when you add Jungian Psychology to the equation, it adds an extra layer, where characters not only face external death games but also their inner demons , making survival even more psychologically taxing.

//And it's amazing what I've been able to pull off in this fanfic that I've failed to do with Survivor, even though I've tried. But the thing is I know the exact reason WHY I haven't been able to do it as well here.

//For one, Survivor's cast is too big.

//Since it combines the main casts of the three mainline killing games, the spinoffs, several fangans, and some OC's, the main cast of DR Survivor is, AT MINIMUM, around 70 MAIN CHARACTERS. That's a lot for one guy to handle, and unfortunately, it means that not everyone gets the development they deserve.

//This is why the modern arcs of the story are so long. Because I want to give everyone a chance to shine and grow as effectively as I can. But with a more smaller ensemble of characters in PToH, with most of the main cast being extra's, it's a lot easier.

//Also, with the social context of Survivor, I can't show bias towards the characters who I love. It depends on what the audience wants to see, and that is kind of how I keep things running here.

//I do love Survivor, and I do love you guys, but the blog has never given me this much homework when it comes to writing my characters, wheras PToH basically makes me do full analyses to make sure I get everything right. Because every minor detail can say a lot about a character.

//For example, I had to basically go through everything in both this blog, and the core series, when I was writing the parts where Toko opens up her backstory. I had to absorb every last bit of it.

//And then I had to put it in a few chapters where Toko then has to do the ol' Persona thing of facing herself.

//She confronts her inner fears, her insecurities, and traumatic past. She has to learn to acknowledge and accept the parts of themselves she's been suppressing or running from. She has a psychological breakthrough, where she's forced to embrace both the light and dark aspects of one's personality becomes a source of strength.

//And for Toko especially, going through all that made me want to cry.

//Because it made me realize that Kazutaka Kodaka, as zany and weird as his story can get, is an incredible character writer, regardless of what people say about him. The real problem is that people are perturbed by the strangeness of it, and don't have it in them to explore deeper and see this series for what it truly is.

//Something incredible.

//And the same goes for the Persona series. It is the ideal fusion of psychology, social critique, and fantasy elements. Players are then asked to consider their own lives as a result of the storylines' imaginative exploration of subjects like identity, morality, and the meaning of reality.

//Combined together, it does sometimes make me think that one of the most important things to keep in mind is that we never know who the people around us are.

//For me, as a young man with autism, this is so important, because masking my true self is something that I feel forced to do. I often find myself in situations where I subconsciously know I'm not being my true self. Some of the things I do as such an individual include imitating social behaviors, avoid eye contact, mask my emotions, and refuse to talk about my personal interests, including these two franchises.

//Because I'm scared of the world, just as a lot of the characters in DR are, and just as a lot of REAL people are. But I've learned through these games that understanding your fellow human, and trying to keep hope and will in your heart is important.

//I know all that I've said is just incredibly corny, but it really puts into perspective for me that, despite it's problems, I am proud to be a fan of this franchise. Because I love it, and even if other people don't, I'm content with that.

//So I want to thank Kazutaka Kodaka, Shinji Yamamoto, and everyone who works with them. They changed my life for the better.

-Mod

[soulmate-game]

Daughter of wonderwoman au where marinette finds out her mother is actually Diana and somehow it ends up with her meeting/being introduced to the batfam maybe because she has super strength and is seen yeeting some bad guys who tried to mug her... Or something.

“... you are running from your problems, Mari,” Adrien’s exasperated voice reminded his best friend. Again. She ignored him, and he threw his hands up in exasperation. “Look, you don’t have to do anything about it! Nobody would hold it against you if you decided to just, ignore that you found anything out at all. But you need to actually think about what we just found out and decide whether or not you’re gonna do anything—“ he side-stepped a piece of trash that went flying in his direction. “—or if you’re gonna move on and pretend nothing happened.”

“Isn’t that what I’m doing?” Marinette shot back, pushing her bangs out of her face and tying her hair back with one hand.

“No, you’re currently hiding away in Gotham to avoid your parents while you beat up every random group of idiots who thinks you’re an easy mark,” he retorted. Another wannabe kidnapper went flying in his direction, making him sigh and side step again. She had thrown that one with only her one free hand, showing just how upset she was. “You’re ignoring everything in your life, which is not what we meant we said you should get a little space.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Marinette dropkicked the last criminal into unconsciousness before stepping back and putting her hands on her hips. She looked over at the now seven passed out men in the alleyway, and the one very frustrated ex-model pinching the bride of his nose. “I think I’m coping just fine.”

“It’s better than being forced to suppress all of your emotions, sure,” Adrien reluctantly agreed. “But not by much. Your angry rampage through Gotham has already attracted more attention,” he raised his hand to point at a nearby rooftop. Several shadows lurked there, looming over the building’s edge. “Which, might I add, is exactly why I told you not to come to Gotham.”

“You’re the one who followed me here,” she shot back before turning to the shadowy figures above them. “Go ahead and come down! But it was self defense, and you can’t arrest or beat me up for defending myself!”

The first figure to drop down straightened your just as quickly, revealing the imposing figure of none other than Batman himself. The little white eyes on his cowl seemed to narrow on their own as he looked down at her.

“That might be true, but I’m sure you know my policy on metas in my city,” he grumbled back at her. He wasn’t necessarily threatening, but he definitely wasn’t welcoming either. With all of his limbs hidden behind the cocoon that was his cape, Marinette would never be able to predict his next move if he did decide to fight. Not that she seemed particularly worried about that as she crossed her arms over her chest and met his glare evenly.

“Oh, do you own this city now? I wasn’t given the memo,” she retorted. “And considering I didn’t even know I was a meta until last week? I think I deserve a little slack. I’m angry and if people think the tiny little girl in pink is an easy kidnapping target, then it’s their fault for making themselves into the perfect practice dummies for me to try out my newly discovered strength on.”

Adrien saw the eyes on Batman’s mask narrow even further. Marinette wasn’t exactly at her most charismatic at the moment, and Adrien didn’t wanna get the both of them into a bad relationship with the experienced superhero who always seemed to know things he shouldn’t know. So he stepped up quickly, getting in between Marinette and the Bat and holding his hands up in a placating gesture.

“Okay, Monsieur Batman,” Adrien started slowly, making sure his posture was impeccable and his smile bright. “She’s telling the truth, even if she’s not... the most tactful about it right now. She just found out some very concerning things about her origin and Gotham is the best place for her to hide from her problems and let loose a little pent up aggression. But— well,” he grimaced. “We didn’t intend to run into you guys, but maybe it’s a good thing we did.”

“How so?” Batman was clearly still incredibly suspicious of the both of them and wasn’t giving an inch. So Marinette rolled her eyes (she was still very moody) and leaned around Adrien so she could get a good look at the monochromatic hero.

“I thank my lucky spots that we ran into you, Batman!” She said monotonously. “Me and Adrien are paw-sitively excited at this opportunity.”

Batman. Froze.

Not only were those two lines the very first lines ever spoken to him by two foreign heroes a few years ago (with a few key words changed to protect identities), but they had become their code phrase for whenever they made calls to one another outside of their costumes. All at once it seemed to hit him— the golden hair and bright green eyes on the boy, the blue-black hair and normally super-focused bluebell eyes on the girl that were currently sporting very uncharacteristic frustration. Their heights. Their builds. All of this info flowed through his mind and compared to the information stored in his memory, and it only took the span of two seconds for everything to click.

Suddenly Batman was at full attention, back straight instead of looming over them and eyebrows clearly raised high under his cowl.

He knew Chat Noir and Ladybug would never take a random vacation to Gotham. Ladybug herself had nearly waxed poetic about how much the city depressed her just from the pictures she saw online. If she had willingly come to visit, it was more than to just blow off some steam.

“Batcave?” He asked, earning a relieved look from Adrien and a moody silence from Marinette.

“Please,” Adrien agreed. “You can probably help us, actually.”

—*—*—*—*—*

Marinette leaned back in the metal debriefing chair, legs up on the table and looking for all the world as the picture of pure teenage rebellion and angst. Coincidentally, Red Hood was in the exact same position in the chair next to her.

Batman and all of his other bats and birds were in the cave with the two off-duty Parisian heroes. Everyone except Adrien and Marinette still had their masks on, since the two Parisians were still not privy to their identities. Yet.

To be fair, the bats hadn’t known the identities of the two miraculous users either before today.

“Cha Noir,” Batman started, only to get a head shake from the blond boy.

“Just call me Adrien. Chat’s out of the bag—“ he ignored the groans at the pun and soldiered on, “—so might as well use my real name.”

Batman nodded. “Adrien, then,” he amended. “Why are you and Ladybug really in Gotham?”

Adrien sighed. “I wasn’t lying, before. Marinette,” he gestured to his hero partner. “Just found out some distressing family news. Since HawkMoth is gone, she doesn’t need to repress her negative emotions anymore. But she also didn’t want to be around her parents while she processed everything. I told her to choose any other city— really, I begged— but she insisted on coming to Gotham.”

“The never ending cloud cover and constant rain seem thematic,” she finally spoke up, reaching into her big over-the-shoulder bag and pulling out a large envelope. She threw it to Batman, making the thin package slice through the air like a knife. To nobody’s surprise the seasoned hero easily caught the projectile between two fingers. He looked at the envelope and back to Marinette, silent questions floating in the air between them. Marinette decided to answer at her own pace.

“That’s what we found out. You see, one of my friends is a huge science nerd. A genius. And he wanted to compare DNA samples between us to see if there were any genetic components that determined a person’s suitability towards certain Miraculous or other magical artifacts over others. It was supposed to just be a fun side project that he didn’t expect any breakthroughs on. He mostly just wanted to satisfy his own curiosity. But instead of finding out if our DNA was linked to the miraculous, he found out that my parents are not biologically my parents.”

“Hence the whole just finding out that you’re a meta thing, right?” Nightwing spoke up, fully invested in the story. “Did they never say you were adopted before?”

“It’s not in the system,” she replied easily. “My parents have all the documentation to prove that I’m their biological child, except I’m not. When I confronted them about it, they caved and admitted that they had adopted me in secret and covered it up. Apparently a friend of theirs was involved in something illegal, and,” she waved at the envelope that Batman was now opening. “The details of what we were able to dig up are in there. The summary is this; their friend was part of a secret, illegal experimentation to create clones that could defeat the Justice League—“ the air seemed to get sucked out of the room as soon as those words left Marinette’s mouth. Everyone seemed to know exactly what she was talking about. “—a group called CADMUS. They made me, as apparently one of their early attempts. But I didn’t exhibit any of the powers they were looking for, or any meta traits at all, and my body refused to mature at the rate they wanted. They had no use for a seemingly normal human baby that they managed to clone, so they were preparing to kill me and start over. That’s when my parent’s friend stole me, not wanting to kill an infant, and begged my parents to take me in and pretend I was theirs. Low and behold, it turns out that my DNA just needed a very specific series of emotions to unlock it’s latent abilities.”

“Those emotions being..?” Red hood trailed off, earning a wolfish smile from Marinette.

“Intense anger, betrayal, and confused frustration closely followed by the desire to punch other people’s faces in.”

“That last one is just an assumption,” Adrien chimed in. “And maybe not accurate. But the first three, our scientist friend was able to confirm. The rapid experience of a lot of negative but action-oriented emotions released whatever had been holding back the powers in her DNA from expressing themselves,” he had switched to French so that he could explain everything exactly as Max had told it to them, but he knew all of them were fluent anyway so it was fine. They nodded along, processing the information.

The crinkling of paper drew everyone’s attention back to Batman, who had been flipping through the detailed break down of everything they had found about Marinette’s situation and how she was made by CADMUS.

“Uh,” Red Robin nervously spoke up. “What’s up, Batman?”

“Your genetic donors...” Batman breathed, getting a wink and finger guns from Marinette.

“Yup. Isn’t that just the most fucked up thing you’ve ever seen? They were clearly trying to make someone who could destroy the world.”

“That makes me nervous,” Nightwing admitted, getting up and going to get a look at the papers himself. “It can’t be that ba—“

When even Nightwing was left agape, everyone else who wasn’t in on it found themselves squirming.

“Just tell the rest of us, already!” Robin demanded after the silence stretched just a bit too long.

“The unknowing genetic donors that CADMUS used to make me,” Marinette spoke up, still with her legs up on the table. “Are a very mad-scientist’s-wet-dream combination of Lex Luthor, Bruce Wayne, and Wonder Woman.”

“We don’t even know why they added Bruce Wayne’s DNA,” Adrien admitted. “Although our scientist friend thinks it’s because of physique. His hypothesis is that, in order to support the genes of Wonder Woman, they had to add male genetics that could support the production of a very high muscle mass and would lean towards easy development of a very athletic body. Lex might be evil-scientist smart, but he’s a string bean. But if he added the DNA of another multi millionaire who just so happens to maintain a ridiculously fit body without putting any obvious work into it,” Adrien shrugged. “Then maybe the clone would be able to support Wonder Woman’s genetics and that of two human donors without falling apart.”

“So I’m ‘the clone’ now, huh?” Marinette snarked, earning an exasperated eye roll from her friend.

Batman just stared at the both of them for a moment. He walked away without a word, and came back with a fresh needle and a box. He placed it on the debriefing table.

“Can I do a paternity test myself?” He asked, his voice suspiciously less gruff than normal. “I trust the both of you, but I rather be safe than sorry with something like this.”

The both of them just stared at him in confusion. They traded a glance, and finally Marinette shrugged and moved to sit in her chair properly. Her shirt was already short sleeved, so she just held her arm out so Batman could easily get a blood sample.

“Sure, why not. But do you just have Lex Luthor or Bruce Wayne’s DNA sitting around to compare, or—“ she shut up when she watched Batman take off his glove and roll his own sleeve up. Realization slowly sunk in as he asked Nightwing to take a blood sample from him.

“Holy shit,” she breathed, eyes wide. “You’re— and Luthor doesn’t know— holy shit this is even worse than I thought,” Marinette rambled, not even noticing as Red Hood moved forward and took a small blood sample from her.

Adrien put a hand over his face and just laughed for a moment hysterically. “Oh my god,” he looked over at Marinette. “You could take over the world.”

“I have the blood of Batman AND Wonder Woman on MY side,” Marinette joked back, also hysterical.

When the bat’s high tech equipment was able to come back with a positive result only a few minutes later, Marinette and Adrien had to sit on the floor and just let it all sink in. Which Batman did not at all help by immediately unmasking himself and trying to make a proper introduction.

“I wanna go beat up random thugs again,” Marinette whined, pulling at her hair. “I’ll put on a mask, whatever, but just please let me punch people. I need to punch people right now.”

[maldito-arbol]

Let’s talk about zodiacs and TPN Part 1

This is largely inspired by the fact that I talk about the characters’ zodiacs nonstop in the fanfic I’m working on for my tpn witch au, and I’ve been chortling to myself the entire time about how well some of them fit their sign and how some of them just... don’t. I’m going to simply infodump about each character, their sign, element, and some attributes they fit to a t while others don’t make sense. I will also touch on compatibility for all you shippers out there, don’t worryyy. Now this isn’t at all a critique or review of the characters themselves— I know astrology is not the first thing authors consider when choosing character birthdays, if they even do at all, this is simply me rambling about my hyperfixation and projecting onto fictional characters like we all do.

A couple last notes— one character in particular (cough cough Ray) has a different “canon” birthdate from “actual” so I’ll discuss both. Also, while I will be doing surface level research to make sure I’m not talking out of my ass, im not a professional astrologist, I’m simply a witch with an enthusiasm for zodiacs. Well then, without further ado, let’s talk about the kiddos.

Emma

Birthdate: August 22nd

Sign: Leo

Element: Fire

An overview: The funniest thing to me about Emma is that she’s literally the epitome of a Leo. Fire signs are generally very outgoing and energetic—they talk a lot and tend to be the leaders of the packs. Leos in particular are incredibly admirable and truly know their way around a conversation. If I ever wanted to get stuck in an elevator for 48 hours with no wifi or connection to the outside world and only one random stranger to talk to for the entire duration, I would pick a Leo in a heartbeat. Emma is very much the leader-type, she’s someone everyone pauses and listens to when she calls for their attention, and she always prefers to talk her way out of conflict rather than fight—but not in an underhanded manipulative way, no, Leos are very genuine with their feelings and will be upfront about their reasons for their actions.

Take this scene between Emma and Leuvis for example— this to me is about the closest to perfect of a summary of what Leos are like, and how Emma fits her sign beautifully.

She doesn’t want to fight, but she will if she has to—for the good of her friends and the good of humanity. She can stick to her ideals and yet extend a hand to the enemy anyway. This is what makes Leos such a force to be reckoned with in leadership roles.

Compatibility and ships: I know I know, this is the part you’re most excited about. I’m going to attempt to refrain from sharing my opinion on each ship itself, I will simply point out which have the highest compatibility levels. First of all, essentially all signs are most compatible with 1. Other signs of the same element and 2. Their compliment sign, their elemental opposite.

Since Emma is a fire sign, she’s generally compatible with other fire signs (Sagittarius, Aries, and of course Leo) as well as Air signs (Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra). So speaking broadly, she’s compatible of course with Norman as an Aries, as well as Ray IF he truly is an Aquarius. But if we narrow it down a little bit, I should mention that fire signs being fire signs can often clash with each other because both their energies are so high (personal experience lmao), and therefore their elemental opposite, air, are generally the way to go. Usually you’ll find on astrological charts and sites that Leos are most compatible with Geminis and Aquariuses, so Ray again if he is an Aquarius, and then we bring Violet into the picture because she’s a Gemini. (Uh, speaking as a Gemini, Leos are my favorite people to date, and I always seem to crush on them as well. I have a problem. A Leo problem.) I’m so sorry Gilemma shippers but fire and earth signs are like the worst combo, I don’t know how this happened because I love Gilemma with all my heart. The stars simply did not align for us this time

Norman

Birthdate: March 21st

Sign: Aries

Element: Fire

Overview: okay listen. I didn’t believe Norman was an Aries at first because he’s not as high energy as most fire signs, but then the more I thought about it, the more it just makes sense. The most key trait to an Aries is loyalty. They are so incredibly loyal and caring to the people they love that they often neglect themselves in the process. They can be very quick to anger if someone hurts or insults their friend, and are unafraid to start a fight or commit morally gray or even black actions in service of their loved ones. Point is you don’t mess with an Aries’ family or friends. You will get burned.

All the loyalty applies to Norman so incredibly well—the way that his plans and actions revolve entirely around Emma and Ray, and the way that he sacrifices himself for their escape even though he’s terrified of dying. But even more so this loyalty strikes you in the face when he returns as William Minerva, willing and committed to full on genocide all to keep his friends alive and safe. As I’ve said Aries are quick to anger, which seemingly isn’t very present in cool-headed, thoughtful Norman, but then you remember this:

Look at his expression. Even if he doesn’t easily lose his cool, when he does it’s terrifying. So essentially Norman is a much more subtle Aries— he’s not in your face aggressive or full of energy, but he has all the hidden signs. So yeah, I honestly can’t think of any other sign that describes him better. Norman is an Aries.

Compatibility and ships: being a fire sign and all, Norman’s compatibility is actually very similar to Emma’s. He’s compatible with other Fire signs (Sagittarius, Leo, and Aries) as well as Air signs (Libra, Aquarius, and Gemini). Speaking broadly that makes him compatible with Emma and Ray again, but narrowing it down Aries are much better in general with Libras and Leos so congrats Noremma shippers you won.

Ray

“Canon” Birthdate: January 15th

“Actual” Birthdate: February 5th

“Canon” sign: Capricorn

“Actual” sign: Aquarius

“Canon” Element: Earth

“Actual” Element: Air

Overview: alright Ray is a bit of a mixed bag to unpack. Because it’s been stated that Ray’s January 15th birthday is not his actual birthday outside of the source material, then it’s reasonable for me to count both birthdays because people have different ideas of what’s canon and what’s not. Interestingly enough though, Ray does indeed fit well enough into both the Capricorn and Aquarius signs, however I personally believe one shows through him better than the other.

We’ve been talking about fire signs for Emma and Norman so it’s finally time to dive into two other elements! We’ll start with Capricorn then, the Earth sign. The most important thing to remember is that the Earth signs are the most grounded and practical. If you want someone who can give you logical and rational advice, your best bet would be the Earth signs (Air signs are also good at this but this ain’t about them. Although you will notice some overlap in traits between these two, particularly in Capricorns and Aquariuses).

We can already see the ‘practical’ side show through in Ray by the way he hyperfocuses on taking Norman and Emma to escape but insists on leaving the other kids behind. This isn’t to say he doesn’t feel for them, on the contrary, Earth signs are indeed very in tune with their emotions and empathy, but Capricorns really know how to set that part of them aside in favor of the calm and certain route. They like tangible solutions, things they can grasp with the least amount of risk, and they’re very resistant to changes—like giant rocks. This is also noticeable in how Ray gets so very flustered by Norman and Emma’s impulsivity. He clashes with both of them because Earth signs prefer to take things slow while Fire signs just like to make a leap and hope for the best.

Note how Emma says “not that I mind...” meanwhile Ray is out here going “I MIND!!” Which we learn is because of his identity as the spy. He’s got his own plan and a tangible solution to shoot for, and Norman and his impulsivity and Emma going along with it is messing everything up. Thus, he forcibly retakes control of the situation via making a deal with Norman after the traitor is revealed. Very Capricorn stuff.

And if you want an image that just completely sums up the Capricorn in Ray, here you go:

On the OTHER hand, if we’re to go off Ray’s “actual” birthdate, which was so lovingly calculated by Tempo, then we get Aquarius Ray, the Air sign. The most important things to note about the air signs is that they’re the thinkers—the farthest from impulsive, they’re the least in tune with their emotions, and they are oh so horribly indecisive. Where Earth signs will be able to give advice that adheres to both logic and emotion, Air signs stick purely to logic. Where Earth signs are able to make calm and rational decisions, Air signs will agonize over options and often find themselves lost, searching perpetually for a solution with no cracks in it. Hello. I’m an Air sign. :’))

I’m gonna come right out and say it. I hate Aquarius men. Aquarius women and enby folks, they’re great. But Aquarius men? I may, as a Gemini, get along with them in surface level casual conversation, but behind every Aquarius man’s back is a Mal waiting to strangle him the moment I am given the opportunity. I’m so sorry Ray my son but you are not an Aquarius okay. Alright. Well, let’s just talk about the parts of him that do fit Aquarius.

So from the very start Ray is obviously a thinker, someone who considers his options very carefully before he makes a decision, and someone who hates making choices based solely on emotion. In fact, he hates expressing emotions at all. Aquariuses are very good at repressing or hiding their emotions behind other emotions (most air signs are). The most common way to do this is to put up a wall of either numbness or full-on rage. We can see both in Ray.

Instead of showing vulnerability in a healthy way, he would rather do that. Ok cool Ray.

Aquariuses can also be very quiet people, and Ray’s pretty dang quiet for most of the series too. They’re the intellectuals you know are intellectuals even though they aren’t up in your face about it. Their reserved nature makes them 10x scarier when they’re genuinely angry, because boy can an Aquarius rage.

The thing about Aquarius Ray for me here is that while Ray does indeed have Aquarius energy, it’s not the Core of Ray. To me he’s so much more of an Earth sign, so therefore I diagnose Ray with Capricorn.

Compatibility and ships: ok this is a mixed bag again. Now if you got Aquarius Ray then of course he’s compatible with other Air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) and Fire signs (Leo, Aries, and Sagittarius), which would make him compatible with Norman and Emma for sure, as well as probably Ayshe for you Rayshe shippers because my personal HC is Aquarius Ayshe.

If you’ve got Capricorn Ray, then Capricorns are compatible with other earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) and their compliment water signs (Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio), though they’re best with Cancers and Tauruses. So yes, Anna is a Taurus, which makes Rayanna a compatible pair. But guess who’s a Cancer. Don. ALL MY RAYDON SHIPPERS GET OUT HERE YOU COWARDS IM CALLING YOUR NAME. YOU WIN THE SHIP GAME.

Gilda

Birthdate: May 13th

Sign: Taurus

Element: Earth

Overview: So again with the practical and grounded Earth signs. Tauruses now, are the most stubborn of them, which can be a little irritating at times, but it’s also a great asset when you consider how reliable they truly are. They’re bulls, which makes them solid and difficult to move, and you can always fall back on them when you’ve leapt too far ahead. Gilda is of course the epitome of reliable, and her stubbornness does show through at times—like when she’s the one person against Emma going out into danger all the time, constantly trying to talk her down into a more practical and certain solution. She’s also the first to attempt to bring Emma to see Ray’s side of the escape plan, which is very earth sign of both of them good job guys.

Compatibility and ships: I know I know I’m still upset Gilemma isn’t compatible astrologically but we can talk about other Gilda ships! Tauruses are most compatible with other earth signs (Capricorn, Virgo, and Taurus) and water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) which makes her compatible with our other lovely Taurus, Anna! Gilanna shippers unite. But they’re best with Cancers and Scorpios, which means Gildon is is at highest compatibility.

Don

Birthdate: July 4th

Sign: Cancer

Element: Water

Overview: HEY YALL ITS TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY LEAST FAVORITE SIGNS: W A T E R. (I’m sorry my water friends, I’m sure you’re lovely, but as an air sign I am always extremely suspicious of water signs at first meeting because our compatibility is so low it might as well not exist) So the water signs are at the absolute highest emotional level. This can make them extraordinarily kind and nurturing, but it can also make them absolutely unreasonable and destructive. None is this more present than in Cancers, one of the most sensitive signs, but also one of the most empathetic. We can tell very clearly in Don that he wears his emotions on his sleeve—he’s unafraid to cry or show his anger, but he also takes very good care of his younger siblings and shows such an intense concern for them that it can become frightening.

He’s such a good boy 🥺

Compatibility and ships: okay so same drill, Cancers are generally compatible with other Water signs (Scorpio, Pisces, and Cancer) as well as Earth signs (Taurus, Capricorn, and Virgo) though their highest compatibility is with Tauruses and Capricorns. So again. GILDON AND RAYDON SHIPPERS R I S E.

God I’m so sorry if I cause a ship war. I rambled for too long and I’m very tired, so you only get these five characters for now. BUT! That’s why it’s a part 1. If you want more please feel free to harass me in my ask inbox about the characters you want me to overanalyze the signs of. Gemini out!

[sourwormsaresour]

what are your thoughts on La Squadra's sexualities?

First off, Happy Pride Month! Please have a safe one. Before I start, I just want to let you guys know that I’m a straight cisgender woman so I’m not 100% knowledgeable on sexualities so these are based on my current knowledge of the community. I’m open to all head-canons about La Squadra’s sexualities besides my own :)

Sorbet and Gelato are gay, both using he/him pronouns, and are the most out compared to everyone in the team. Even though La Squadra knew about their relationships, the two themselves aren’t open about it outside of the team and their families. This is especially because relationships can be used against you in the crime world but also because their families rely on them to have a “good reputation” to live comfortably. I head-canon that they are both breadwinners of their families: Gelato has siblings that go to very conservative, academic institutions and rely on scholarships that look into family history for recommendations, and Sorbet’s mother requires medical attention from reputable doctors that also have homophobic biases that can be used against her. They’ve secretly used some of their money to help a street kid or two that they learned was disowned after being outed or assassinated a few people for hurting kids for being part of the LGBTQ+ community or even preying on them. The two men probably both went through phases where they thought they only liked women, tried to be in heterosexual relationships, and their enemies-to-lovers type of relationship had probably stemmed from their inability to properly process their attraction to each other at the time.

Formaggio is bisexual and prefers using he/him pronouns; he has a stronger attraction to women but is unaware that he’s attracted to men as well. A big part of why he’s so unaware or in denial of it came from his conservative upbringing in a working-class family and lack of representation growing up. Formaggio knew that men can be attracted to other men, but other aspects of the LGBTQ+ community is either unknown to him or seen in a negative perception; he’s learning more about the community and how to be a better ally, especially after meeting Sorbet and Gelato, but he’s still struggling to reverse the anti-LGBTQ+ sentiments he grew up believing. As a result of his past, Formaggio assumed that one can only be attracted to one gender and never crossed his mind that people can be attracted to more than one. He often tries to hide his attraction to men via “straight guy who’s unaware he’s gay occasionally spits homophobic jokes and says ‘no homo’ every time he says "I love you" to his friends but he means full homo” approach.

Illuso is pansexual and gender fluid, preferring he/him/they/them pronouns most of the time but also likes using neo-pronouns and occasionally prefers to use she/her pronouns. As a former intern for a fashion designer before he joined La Squadra, he’s relatively more exposed to meeting different people in the LGBTQ+ community through fashion; those who were higher in status and power would be more out about it than those in lower ranking and the community was a huge source for avant-garde, counter-culture influences. Despite getting more inspiration for his designs from his interactions and developing his identity in the LGBTQ+ space, that also led to him witnessing discrimination, abuse, and powerplay caused by the higher-ups; some became victims simply because of rumors that they may be part of the LGBTQ+ community or being forcibly outed, some are forced into relationships in exchange for opportunities and privileges, etc. He remains closeted and part of his arrogance stems from him hiding his sexuality due to the trauma of enduring the abuse and witnessing it as well. La Squadra doesn’t know his sexuality or know that he’s genderfluid, but they’re fine with adapting to his pronouns whenever they change.  

Pesci is unaware that they’re gay and are non-binary that prefers they/them pronouns. Although they try to stick to he/him pronouns to avoid being out, they like using they/them more and get secretly happy when someone refers to them as such. I head-canon that they’re actually younger than Giorno when they encountered Team Bucciarati, which would explain why he never killed anyone up until this point (they’re a literal kid that’s slowly getting involved in the team when Sorbet and Gelato were killed, albeit they’re on the buffer side despite their age), and with their sheltered childhood and Prosciutto’s strict mentorship, they never got to sit down and think about their sexual and gender identity. They often try to pretend they’re a macho straight man alongside Formaggio but they end up feeling bad about it after trying to say a bad comment or joke to fit in. Pesci themselves feel like they’re alone in terms of the emotions of not being able to put your sexuality into words. It doesn’t help that they’re rather isolated compared to everyone except Risotto; they only knew La Squadra as their family ever since they joined the team and they never talk to anyone outside of the group.

Prosciutto is bisexual and genderfluid, preferring to identify with he/him pronouns, but he’s also the most closeted and probably has the most internalized homophobia as well. Growing up in the entertainment industry, especially in acting, means adhering to heteronormative standards; controversies of any kind would make or break a career and he constantly heard homophobic statements “disguised” as critiques around him from all levels of the entertainment industry. The fact that he was overworked up until his “career retirement” also didn’t give him the time to sit down and realize both his sexuality and how fucked up the film industry is in terms of its treatment towards the LGBTQ+ community. With his upbringing of being presentable and hiding his sexuality, he tries to present himself in the most Italian metrosexual straight machismo man he could and uses his “gentleman charms” towards women to avoid people from questioning further about his sexuality. But at the end of the day, he knows he’s lying to himself about his sexuality. And unfortunately, his anger at being unable to express that is often misdirected.

Melone is demi-sexual, though he presents himself as asexual and panromantic, and prefers using any pronouns. Like his teammates, he prefers using he/him for his safety. As a former scientist, he learned and got to know about the LGBTQ+ community through a more scientific perspective, but also knew there are hidden homophobic biases in the science community as well. Still, he does his best to be an ally for his peers before realizing he is demisexual and panromantic. His sexuality allows him to view the incubation and child-rearing aspect of his Stand without emotions or feelings involved and further explains how he views fornication and training his Juniors in a very scientific and analytical way without guilt taking over. Despite presenting himself as ace/straight (mostly for safety and because it’s easier to explain that he has no attraction to people than being a demisexual), I also see someone who yearns to have a strong emotional connection to someone and would give his all to the person he loves most. His overtly sexual nature is more of an act (I've heard that some aces tend to act overtly sexual, either to avoid being outed or as a result of growing up thinking that need to feel an attraction is necessary) and Melone secretly desires being attracted to someone he learns to trust, admire, and love over time. I have a backstory that plays into that but I might disclose it another time. ;)

Ghiaccio is on the same boat with Prosciutto in terms of having internalized homophobia due to his childhood career as a child athlete. At the time he was training to be an Olympic hopeful as a solo figure skater, Ghiaccio was born female and had to remain in the closet due to the conservative nature of the ice skating world and his step-father being notorious for his opinions favoring homophobia and sexism. Once he joined La Squadra, Ghiaccio began experimenting with himself and ultimately came out as transgender, presenting himself with he/him pronouns, and had been using testosterone ever since. Most members that joined after him only knew Ghiaccio as male while the other members are either indifferent about his gender or are involved in helping Ghiaccio transition to be male. Transitioning also helped him realized he was aromantic and gay, which provided him closure from the years of struggle he had trying to fit into the heteronormative expectations he thought he had to conform to when he was female. The effect of testosterone also explains his brash and short-tempered nature, although that stems more from him finally being able to express himself after years of repressing his emotions as a child.

Risotto is also aromantic and asexual, preferring he/him/they/them pronouns, although he doesn’t know that he is aro/ace, to begin with. Growing up, he never really cared when he heard his older relatives or adults making comments about how “he’d make a good husband” or “have the girls chase him”, because all he cared about was his family and friends. He just assumes that once he becomes a “big boy”, then he’ll have thoughts of wanting to get married like the fairytales say. Just let his future spouse have children with him in any way and he'll play the role of husband regardless. Since his cousin’s death, he gave up the idea of having any sexual or romantic interest in anyone. Why to go out of your way to find any relationship when they’ll be dead soon enough- that was Risotto’s logic. He’s not aware that he can define himself as aro/ace, he just assumes that the trauma he went through with his cousin’s death stops him from feeling any attraction and doesn’t make an effort to figure out why.  

[old-daemon-farts]

Finding Your Daemon

Within the daemon community you will discover that there are many ways people communicate and co-exist with their daemon. How these same individuals found their "brain buddy" is just as unique. Some may have created with intent or gave an identity to their internal dialogue, and others reached out into the void seeing what came forward, while some daemons have been there as long as they can remember or spontaneously came into their life. Before you begin, I would like you to leave behind your doubt. I know, I know, easier said than done. But keep in mind when reaching out to a daemon doubting yourself and your intuition will only hinder their progress and cause you unneeded stress. 

 Before you delve into daemonism stop and think about what you expect from this new relationship. Is it companionship, self-improvement, someone to keep you on track, or any other unlimited number of things? Is there a specific job or role you have in mind? If you don't know or feel unsure about assigning a role, they luckily do not need a purpose to be a daemon so please enjoy the experience and worry less about the "should and should not"s of the practice. Keep in mind you may find your daemon has other plans or expectations for the relationship. They may feel what is best for you is addressing issues you may be avoiding or repressing, or they could be harsher than you had wished, or say things that can hurt. Those instances are extremely rare and far more often than not a daemon is going to work perfectly in sync with you, be kind, supportive, and our defender against negative and intrusive thoughts. If you find when you reach out to your daemon they cause any kind of negativity pause and think about if there is something you are upset with or need to work on. Is this something you can do alone or is your daemon exactly what you've been needing to get through it? Daemonism is about building a relationship with yourself, and while some relationships are a piece of cake others require work and are far more complex than we were expecting.

The exercise below will be focused on reaching into the void to find your daemon. This may be quick or take quite a few tries so don't beat yourself up if it doesn't go as you hoped. Experience in similar concepts or what an individual is comfortable with will greatly influence how easily someone may reach out to their daemon for the first time. Are you use to talking to yourself? Daydreaming? Are you more visual, verbal, or emotion driven? You know your brain better than anyone else so I recommend starting with a process that sounds familiar to you. I will also be referring to your daemon in this exercise as a single entity but you may find as you reach out you could have more than one. I recommend the standard duo pair of human and daemon as it is much easier to build your skills with a single target. This is only a recommendation, and not a rule, as I would never dream of driving a hopeful daemon away.

No matter if you believe daemons to be spiritual, mental constructs, a combination of the two, or external beings you can utilize this exercise. If these do not work for you or are uncomfortable feel free to change and adapt the method to meet your needs. If after a while you are still struggling to make a connection please seek out other methods people have used within the community. Like creating a template for their daemon's form and personality that will change and adapt as the daemon grows. Those may connect better with you and that's okay!

If you have stumbled upon daemonism for the first time there are many good references out there to clarify exactly what a daemon is. Here are a couple sources.

https://daemonsandanalyses.tumblr.com/daemons

https://ofthoughtformsanddaemons.tumblr.com/post/187624346048/daemonism

https://ofthoughtformsanddaemons.tumblr.com/post/159859058403/spiritual-daemonism

Exercise: Your daemon’s essence and location inside your body (Great for when you cannot hear your daemon)

For this exercise we are only focusing on what we feel when we reach towards our daemon. A daemon who is still unaware of themselves is not going to readily pop out with a name, form, or personality. It needs a little nudge first to wake up. So, let's get to it!

Place yourself in a relaxing environment. You could play music, have a scented candle going, or just rest in silence. Take deep, slow breaths, and forget about all the anxieties around you. You will want to stay focused but not make yourself uninviting to stray thoughts just in case your daemon tries to reach out to you. Now it’s just you and your daemon. Changing your mindset to include your daemon is going to start prompting the brain to also make the switch and help separate them from you. You should do this even when not actively trying to communicate with your daemon. 

Start to pay attention as you think about meeting your daemon. As you greet them, joke around, say it's time to wake up, speak up, whatever you wish to say. You could even ask questions or contemplate on what they will be like. Communicate and keep the intent of making a connection to your daemon strong. Or instead of speaking you could mentally poke around. With each poke make sure you are thinking about your daemon. If you do not feel instantly drawn to a specific area pick a starting point and start going through different locations throughout your body.

Pause after every attempt. Did you feel something different? Here are a few things you may find:

Pressure in parts of your head

Lightness or heaviness on your heart

Limbs suddenly feeling active or tingly

Pulling

Flutter in your sternum

Weight pressing down more now than it was before you started

Energy or electricity feeling focused at one spot

Soreness or stiffness

Did you feel anything pushing or pulling because they disagreed with anything you thought or were trying to guide you to the correct location? If you feel drawn to a specific spot trust your instinct and focus on that area. Keep speaking and keep poking. 

If you think you found your daemon what kind of energy do they exude? Are they: 

Large

Small

Hyper

Calm

Warm

Cool

Nervous

Excited

Youthful

Tired

Any emotion or sensation you experience during this exercise note down. If there was any images or thoughts that felt out of place or you think might have belonged to your daemon also note down. Although the focus was only on impression there is no reason to discard anything else that happened during the experience. Everything is important and all impressions should be analyzed and retested next time. 

Knowing where your daemon is located and becoming more familiar with it and the reactions they give will help with communication. As an example, my daemons are found at my heart so as they speak I will feel a lightness there. If this doesn't work for you I would say your daemon isn't much for expressing themselves through abstract concepts and there will be a better way for you to connect. 

Something to keep in mind is how faint or hidden your daemon may be, or if it is being covered by and confused with something you defined already. Emotions you are familiar feeling may also house your daemon. Examples are:

Your gut instinct

The butterflies in your stomach

Guilt

Excitement

Disappointment

Apprehension

Why this exercise first instead of trying to talk to them or hear their voice? Some daemons have difficulty speaking or may not speak at all. This can cause confusion or be very discouraging for both the human and daemon. My daemons will almost never vocalize and instead communicate with emotions, impressions, and images. Knowing how your daemon feels is very important and worth cultivating.

[aspoonofsugar]

Hewwo! I read Chapter 83 of Bungou Stray dogs, and I have no words. I'm rather surprised by the identity of the mastermind and I wonder what's going to happen now. So I was wondering, with the reveal of the mastermind, what's your opinion on chapter 83? :)). Thank you and stay safe!

Hello anon!

I am very happy about the reveal! It actually makes the whole arc and especially the last couple of chapters even more enjoyable!

As a matter of fact, even if I liked the latest chapters, it seemed to me as if the arc was becoming a little bit too fragmented. By this I mean that the arc had been mostly driven by the conflict not only with the Decay of Angels, but also with the Hunting Dogs. However, the latest twists seemed to suggest the dogs would have become allies of the ADA. Even if I am not against it per se, I would have liked for it to happen after the conflict between the two organizations had been settled in a meaningful way. In particular, I want the arc to make full use of the Hunting Dogs thematically. I have discussed here some ideas about this group:

In short,  the HD are imperfect humans just like everybody else and they have  found a reason of living in their organization just like the members of  the ADA and of the mafia did.

This is also why they are so easily  manipulated. It is because in order to truly think about “right” and  “wrong” in a constructive way, they should let go of the labels they use  to read the world. However, they can’t because if they did they could  very well lose themselves.

In the end the HD are foils of the detectives just like the mafiosi, but they are so in a different way.

The  mafiosi are who the detectives could become if they were to completely  lose themselves in their most violent and darkest parts, while the HD are who the detectives could become if they were to embrace simplicistic  ideals over people. This is also why this arc has been particularly  hard on Kunikida since among the members of the ADA he is the one who  risks to do so the most.

In short, having the HD simply work with the ADA after all the time they spent after the protagonists and after they have almost killed them would have been a little cheap. To be more specific, it would not have led to any growth in the HD whose  modus operandi (follow the rules and Fukichi’s orders) would not have been challenged at all. Thanks to Fukichi being the mastermind, instead, all the themes introduced since the beginning of the arc are strengthened and all the characters can be challenged.

-Fukuzawa will be forced to face his old friend. What is more, this whole ordeal marks another step in Ranpo’s growth. As a matter of fact, as I have written here, the arc starts with Ranpo disagreeing with Fukuzawa. Facts proved him right. What is more, in chapter 80:

I  think that Ranpo’s behaviour in chapter 80 might tie to what is satetd  above. On one hand, in the past, Fukuzawa used to be the one protecting  and saving Ranpo. On the other hand we have seen Ranpo trying to save  Fukuzawa at all costs in Cannibalism. However, in that arc, Ranpo  ultimaley fails. What is more, his wish to save Fukuzawa in that  situation puts the whole Yokohama in danger adn goes against what Fukuzawa himself wants.

However, in chapter 80 we see Ranpo   successfully saving Fukuzawa and the other ADA’s members. He does so by taking action by himself with the help of a connection he himself made (Poe). At the beginning of the arc, he showed to have a better grasping  of the situation when compared to Fukuzawa and in chapter 80 he manages  to save his father-figure on his own. To me, it seems that Ranpo might  have already reached a point where he does not need Fukusawa’s guidance  anymore. However, he still chooses to depend on him, as seen when he  asks for Fukuzawa’s order as if Ranpo himself doesn’t perfectly know  what is better to do.

Despite all of this, once Ranpo takes Fukuzawa back, he immediately goes back to completely rely on him and on his judgement. If Ranpo had immediately used his analytical skills to deduce who Kamui is, he would have avoided finding himself in the current pinch. However, Ranpo preferred to follow Fukuzawa’s orders and to trust the person Fukuzawa trusted. This dependence led to the current situation.

-The Hunting Dogs will have to face their shortcomings. As I have written in the meta linked above:

The HD are proud because they see themselves as heroes of  justice. They are not stray dogs, but dogs selected and adopted by a  master (aka the governement) and this makes them better than others. At  least, this is probably what they force themselves to believe.

The ironic thing is of course that all of them are portrayed with attributes society would consider problematic.

Teruko  is sadistic and violent, while Jouno enjoys psychologically torturing people. Finally Tachihara is in the HD simply because he wants to find a  place to belong.

All in all, among the four subordinates, Tecchou  is the one who probably genuinely believes in justice, but his idea is  simplicistic and naive as it was explained in point one.

The Hunting Dogs are basically Stray Dogs who are made feel “special” by the government. They work for the government and for Fukichi who is the greatest hero of the world, so they are heroes as well, right? They wil soon have to face that their leader is not only the leader of a bunch of policemen, but also the leader of a terrorist group.

It will be especially interesting to see how Teruko and Tecchou will react. As a matter of fact both have shown to genuinely believe in “justice” even if they are cruel in their pursue of it. That said, there might be a difference between the two of them and the current twist might make it more obvious. As a matter of fact, among the dogs, Teruko is the one who believes in Fukichi the most. She is fond of him and is never shown to dislike anything about him (differently from the others who are annoyed by Fukichi’s behaviours). So I think that it will be especially challenging for her to face the truth. Tecchou is instead the person who, among the dogs, seems to me to embody justice the most, so I wonder how he will react when he discovers he has been helping terrorists all along.

When it comes to Jouno, he is the one who has always fitted the least among the HD to the point that I wonder if he knows about his boss’s real identity or not. Whatever the case his reaction is bound to be interesting.

Finally there is Tachihara who has already started to move past his role as a HD thanks to his experiences in the mafia:

Tachihara being able to break the book’s spell because of his ties with the members of the mafia is symbolic of how he has managed to develop more empathy for criminals because of his relationships with some of them. Tachihara is different from the other HD who do not see criminals as people because he got to personally know and to grow closer to some of them.

-This leads us to the fact that I expect the mafia to get involved pretty soon. After all, Tanizaki and Kenji are still under the mafia’s protection and the mafia is the shadow of the detective agency:

All in all, BSD is a story which deals with the concept of jungian shadow a lot. The abilities of the characters are nothing, but repressed parts of them and the the same can be said of the mafia as a group. This is why Dazai and Atsushi are both escaping from what the mafia represents for them. For Dazai the mafia is proof of his criminal past, while for Atsushi it is a reminder of who he could have become. The strong link between these two organizations is why they are often fighting, but also why they are so strong when they unite. It is because the ADA can’t let its shadow take over (so it can’t let itself be destroyed by the mafia and must criticize their violent methods), but at the same time the agency can’t ignore the mafia or that the people in there are similar to them under many aspects. Because of this, now that an alliance with the HD seems more difficult to realize, I wonder if we will soon see the mafia or not. In particular, it has been a while since we have seen Akutagawa, so I wonder if he will once again team up with Atsushi towards the end of the arc.

Finally, this reveal makes Fukichi himself much more interesting as a character. In a sense, it is as if he embodies the dychotomy explored in this arc between justice and terrorism, laws and anarchy. Apparently, the two enemy organizations represent these two opposite concepts. The HD are justice and enforcers of the law, while the DoA are terrorists who want to destroy all laws and to rewrite the world. However, the reveal shows that the leader of both organizations is the same person. So Fukichi comes to embody both concepts. He embodies “justice”, but also the that feeling that justice is deep down unfair. Hence why it is necessary to act outside of it. In a sense, it is as if Fukichi, as a person, is prisoner between two roles. On one hand there is the legendary general (Fukichi’s persona aka the image he projects of himself and what others see about him). On the other hand there is Kamui (Fukichi’s shadow aka his hidden desires to act outside the law and in an unheroic way). However, the person “Fukichi Ochi” is kind of lost between these two big characters:

Fukuzawa mentions how Fukichi was jealous because he had found his path in life before Fukichi himself. This means that his career as a soldier is not something which gives happiness to Fukichi. He probably feels that he lacks something and his current actions are very likely an attempt to fill this sense of void. At the same time, I would not be surprised if he has targeted the Agency because of the envy he feels for Fukuzawa who has become happy.

In conclusion, the fact that “Kamui” means God reminds me of this:

If the world is chaos and unjust, then I will become the God who fixes it. I wonder if Fukichi’s line of thought is similar to Fyodor’s. If that is the case, then it will become obvious why the symbol of justice has also become a terrorist. It would not just be a contradiction, but a natural evolution of an ideal which twists itself in its pursue of righteousness. After all, when ideals forget about people, they often become rigid ideologies and end up embodying what they were fighting. I wonder if something similar happened with Fukichi as well.

Thank you for the ask!

[hobbitkiller]

She-Ra, Supergirl, and Tangled: A Tale of Three Female Relationships: Part 3

*SPOILER WARNING FOR SHE-RA, SUPERGIRL, AND TANGLED: THE SERIES*

Previously on “A Tale of Three Female Relationships” AKA HobbitKiller clearly misses grad school but not enough to find secondary sources for a multi-part tublr. post (or thoroughly proofread):

In Part 2, I discussed the impact narcissistic mother figures, resentment for chosen ones, and repressing emotions has had on three female relationships in three different series: Adora and Catra from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Lena and Kara from Supergirl, and Rapunzel and Cassandra from Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure.

These posts are a deep dive into where these relationships went wrong and will eventually culminate in a discussion of what these relationships say about the portrayal of female characters and female relationships in media.

For today’s installment, I will be covering two subjects: Blond Bulldozers and I Don’t Care (I Ship It). WARNING: This one gets reallllllly long. Like, possibly multiple sittings.

PART VI: BLOND BULLDOZERS

In my first post in this series, I jokingly mentioned that one half in all three of these relationships is a superpowered blonde who saves the world.

There are of course many implications in the fact that, though all three of these shows strive for increased diversity compared to their source material (It is also interesting that these are all shows based on pre-existing franchises), the main character continues to be a fair-skinned blond woman. 

That’s mostly a matter to be discussed another day, but I do find it interesting that all of these relationships feature one blond and one not-blond. Lena and Cassandra have black hair, and Catra is...well...a cat-person. Beyond that, the blond is not only the hero, but is typically depicted as morally superior and more righteous. Kara, AKA Supergirl, was literally declared the “Paragon of Hope” in the latest CW crossover, Crisis on Infinite Earths. That title could just as easily have gone to Rapunzel whose chief characteristics are her optimism, desire to see others achieve their dreams, and belief that everyone gets a second chance no matter their criminal past and exploits (seriously, everyone in Corona--the name of the kingdom unfortunately for right now--gets one total pardon as long as they’re sorry even if the tried to kill multiple people). Adora is a little less cotton-candy that Kara or Rapunzel. She has the same moral righteousness, but actually has more of an edge to her than many of her friends due to her upbringing as a child soldier. Still, all three blondes are meant, for the most part, to be the moral center of their shows.

But, the thing is, when I look at these relationships, I can’t help but think of another popular blonde/not blonde friendship that went wrong:

Ahhh, Wicked, the prototypical female friendship story for so many of us. Wicked aims to take this classic dynamic of the morally pure blond protagonist and their dark-haired frienemy and turn it a bit on its head. Throughout the musical, Glinda is treated as pure, superior, and good because she is flattering and pretty. In reality, Glinda is often selfish and lacks the courage to stand up to people and systems she believes are wrong. Elphaba, on the other hand, is treated like an outcast because of her green skin and social awkwardness. Yet, for most of the musical, she is the one with the moral righteousness. She is labeled “wicked” by those in power for challenging them and standing up to them.

We’ll discuss Wicked more in the finale of this multi-part post.

For now, I’d like to contrast that relationship to the three being analyzed right now. None of these three shows goes as far as Wicked did to undermine this trope of the perfect blond versus the darker brunette. This makes sense as none of the three properties is seeking to deconstruct their source material or turn it on its head in the way Wicked aims to do so for the Wizard of Oz (the movie more than anything else). They seek to update and diversify certain aspects to be sure (someone heard loud and clear the criticism that there are no people of color in Tangled), but not to challenge them.

That being said, each show does try to layer in flaws in their blond protagonists approach to relationships. These flaws tend to be more subtle than those of the people around them, perhaps to protect said blondes from becoming too unlikeable, but they are clearly there.

In the last post, I talked a lot about the resentment of the non-blondes in these relationships and how that helped lead to the relationships falling apart. Those characters are also much more the aggressors in said relationships and are much more set on taking down the other party.

However, the blondes in each relationship are not without blame for it falling apart.

In the previous post, I discussed how being friends of a so-called “chosen one” or “golden child” can breed resentment. I also mentioned that raising someone as a “golden child” is its own form of abuse. It creates a level of unrealistic expectations to always be perfect and responsible. It can be the same for a “chosen one.”

Adora, Kara, and Rapunzel all feel a tremendous amount of responsibility as the “saviors” of their respective worlds. This manifests itself in a need to constantly “fix” everyone else’s problems. Adora frequently describes her need to fix whatever goes wrong in the Rebellion. Kara feels it’s her job to fix things so much that she contacted her former boss’s estranged son behind her back to try to reconnect them. Rapunzel frequently becomes involved in the personal lives of her friends for the sake of fixing their problems.

To an extent, this is a good quality. All three of our blond saviors have good hearts and don’t want to see anyone else suffer, partially because all of them have suffered their own childhood traumas from being raised as a child soldier to witnessing one’s entire planet and species destroyed to being held prisoner for 18 years.

However, as the title of this section suggests, all three of these characters tend to take a bulldozer approach to their involvement with their loved ones’ lives. This creates tension in many of their relationships, not just those discussed in these posts. Adora’s attempts to help her friend Glimmer after Glimmer becomes queen come off as controlling and as though Adora doesn’t respect Glimmer’s position of authority. Kara, in addition to the incident with her boss’s son, had also tried to control the life of another alien (and eventual boyfriend), Mon El as well as did things like break into her sister’s apartment when she was sad. Rapunzel promises to fix everyone’s problems, which leads to friends feeling betrayed when she can’t follow through. She also frequently intrudes in Cassandra’s life and plans.

One of the most threatening things for people like Catra, Lena, or Cassandra is to feel as though they do not have control over their lives. When you already have trust issues, feeling like someone else is trying to control you can feel like you’re being trapped. Control is particularly important to Lena. In many ways, she has the same feelings of responsibility as Kara. Like Kara, Lena, having been raised by one of the most powerful and influential families on the planet, feels a sense of responsibility to be a world leader. She feels that even more keenly in light of the villainous actions of her mother and brother--that she has to restore honor to the family name. As discussed in the previous post, this feeling in Lena manifests itself in her actions towards her friends through buying them things or trying to solve problems for them such as buying Kara’s and James’s place of work, Catco, to save it from being purchased by a scumbag.

This need to take back control of her life and legacy, to me, is why Lena reacts so drastically to discovering that Kara is Supergirl. Being mad at Kara for keeping secrets is, frankly, hypocritical on several counts. Not only does Lena keep many, many secrets from Kara throughout the show, but she is also fine with the fact that Alex, Kara’s sister, never told Lena explicitly that she was an agent of the Department of Extranormal Operations (DEO). Of course, the reason why Lena wasn’t mad at Alex is because Lena had already known who Alex was, thus giving her power and control in that relationship. Finding out that her friend had successfully hidden her identity for years and had been influencing events without Lena’s knowledge took away the control Lena felt she had over that relationship.

Cassandra also feels a keen lack of control over her life and her relationship with Rapunzel due to the fact that Rapunzel is both her monarch and direct employer. Cassandra serves Rapunzel and that is the first avenue through which they formed a relationship. Early in their relationship, Cassandra resented Rapunzel’s attempts to become friends and said the chance of a Lady in Waiting and a princess becoming friends was a million to one. Rapunzel, by nature of being “irrepressible” (as her friends call her), manages to worm her way into Cassandra’s heart to the point that Cassandra almost forgets that she and Rapunzel are not equals.

What I find interesting about both Cassandra and Lena is that they both, in some ways, considered themselves the protectors of their naive blond friends. While it’s true that Cassandra always knew her station was below Rapunzel, part of her job early on was teaching Rapunzel how to be a member of the court--what to do, when to curtsy, who was who, etc. In fact, Rapunzel had so little exposure to the outside world, Cass was partly responsibly for teaching her how to interact socially in general. There’s also the added factor that Cassandra is 4 years older than Rapunzel, which can seem like a lot at their ages. Lena, as previously discussed, saw herself as a major figure in shaping the future of the world. She went out of her way to help Kara by buying Catco and tried to protect Kara if they were ever in physical danger together.

Both of these characters suffered from an abrupt challenge to the relationship roles they previously thought they had. Cassandra in this scene and Lena when Lex tells her that Kara is Supergirl.

It’s interesting that, in that scene, Lex emphasizes the idea that Lena has been a fool. (And, fair enough, I’m pretty sure everyone who’s ever watched the show found it hard to believe that Lena never once realized her best friend was Supergirl. I mean...really, glasses?) But this idea, that she had been a fool plays right into Lena’s fear of losing control. It’s the idea that someone else was pulling strings while she was oblivious that taps right into her deepest insecurities.

Catra’s issues with feeling controlled by Adora are mostly revealed in the episode discussed last post called “Promise.” They come up again in the third season finale when Adora tries to convince Catra to come with her and leave a world that is crumbling out of existence and Catra declares that she will never  go with Adora, and that she won’t “let you win” and “would rather see the whole world end (which it’s doing BTW) than let that happen.” Catra believes the way to get control back from Adora is to “win” at any cost. 

In the end, this idea of “winning” becomes part of all three relationships. It’s no longer about working together or “us against the world” for the not-blondes who have felt crushed under the weight of their friends. Now it’s about achieving their goals in spite of the collateral damage.

And the most frustrating part is that the blondes are largely oblivious to the fact that they make their friends feel this way or that they are overstepping boundaries. They just think they’re doing the right thing because they’re “taking care of” or “fixing” the problem. They’re so concerned with taking care of or protecting their friends, that they don’t realize how patronizing and condescending that can feel.

So, even as these relationship turn so sour, why are so many people not only rooting for the friendship to return, but for our ladies to go the next level beyond?

PART VII: I DON’T CARE (I SHIP IT)

I sometimes wonder how the greatest point of contention, the biggest source of toxicity, and the most exhausting part of fandom became shipping. I have seen more nastiness among fans and toward creators and actors about shipping than just about anything else.

Shipping has a long history in fandom, though that term is relatively recent. People have been writing fan fiction about Kirk and Spock getting together since the show was on and fan fiction was written and shared at either in-person gatherings or through semi-underground fanzines. 

And, trust me, I’ve been in the trenches of a ship war. Back when Avatar: The Last Airbender was airing, I was a hardcore Zutara shipper. And, to be more honest, it made me a jerk. Part of that is just because I was a teenager at the time, and teenagers don’t always realize the potential impacts of their actions due to brain chemistry etc, etc. But still, the intensity with which I argued that my ship either would or should become canon when the creators of the show clearly preferred the other relationship embarrasses me when I look back at it.

These days, fandom shipping has gotten even more complicated and contentious.

Back when those women (and it was mostly women) were typing their Kirk/Spock fan fiction and mailing it to other fans, they knew Kirk and Spock would never actually get together on the show. That was the case for the majority of fandoms until very recently--that there was no expectations of actual canon lgbtq representation. People could claim there was deliberate subtext or coding, but very few, if any people, expected shows to actually have openly lgbtq characters.

Then, it started to actually happen. Not just in a, “the actor said they saw their character as gay” or “the creators said they coded that character as gay” way. Characters actually started being lgbt on screen in ways that weren’t demeaning or stereotypes. Major characters, too.

For me, a big moment that gave rise to the hopes of many that their lgbt ships might actually have a shot at being confirmed as canon was, funnily enough, the sequel show to Avatar: TLA, The Legend of Korra.

The above was the closest the couple got to an on-screen intimate moment, and some fans didn’t believe it was romantic until it was later confirmed by the show creators. Nickelodeon was only willing to go so far, after all. The followup comics, however, are much more explicit with the relationship and the two share multiple kisses and intimate moments.

Many fans argue that Korrasami (as the ship between Korra and Asami is called) was too subtle to be considered real representation. But a wave could certainly be felt throughout the world of animation afterword. Shows became even more bold about confirming lgbt characters or at least became less subtle in their coding. 

And suddenly, the idea that a main character’s finale pairing might be anything other than straight became a real possibility and, in some cases, an expectation.

In addition to the growing visibility of lgbt relationships in media, another change was slowly taking place within fandom. 

For much of modern fandom, the most popular ships have been male/male (mlm). Back when I was getting into fan fiction (because I love reminding people that I’m old), this was called “slash.” Slash was exclusively a term for mlm relationships. Same-sex relationships between women (wlw) were labeled “fem-slash,” and were much more rare.

Multiple people have discussed theories for why mlm was, and continues to be in many cases, the most popular type of ship. Some believe it has to do with the prevalence of straight women in fandom who might fetishize mlm relationships. While I have no doubt that’s partly true, I believe the other common argument has a great deal of merit: there were more mlm ships because male characters were more interesting and more prevalent. 

Star Trek: The Original Series had only two main female characters and neither of them was given close to the emotional depth as Spock or Kirk. Lord of the Rings, which was one of the most popular pieces of media on which to write fanfic when I was younger, has so few women the movies had to add in a boat load of new scenes for Arwen.

Recently, though, not only have more shows invested in writing dynamic, interesting female characters, but they have included multiple diverse female characters with relationships with each other and not just the men in the shows. 

So, not only do more people ship wlw ships, but more people expect to actually see those ships represented in their media. Never before has a wlw ship becoming “endgame” seemed more possible.

In many ways this is fantastic. More representation being not only more possible but more expected is absolutely necessary for our media to progress and grow. This has, however, lead to some growing tensions in communities where shipping has, in some ways, become its own form of activism, which means that there is not only people’s personal feelings and preferences for ships on the line, but people who feel that fighting for their ship to become canon is a proxy battle for their own acceptance. 

All three of these wlw ships mean a lot to the people who ship them, and all three have been met with the desire, and occasionally demand, of canon validation as well as a heady mess of coding, accusations of queer baiting, and the lingering question of which, if any, relationships might get the same, and hopefully more explicit, validation that Korrasami had.

Let’s start this deep dive into these relationships as ships with the one that has, in canon, already been resolved.

Yep, that’s definitely a Disney twirl going on there.

One of the first points often made when the validity of a mlm or wlw ship is questioned is that, if you say an m/f couple do the same thing, no one would question that it was romantic. This makes it interesting, and sets off the shipping alarm for anyone who’s a fan of wlw ships when Tangled: The Series goes out of its way to not only give Cass and Rapunzel (ship name: Cassunzel) romantic moments like the above “Disney twirl,” but also directly parallels relationship moments that occurred between Rapunzel and her canon boyfriend/future husband Eugene (AKA Flynn Rider).

Look familiar? It’s almost a shot-for-shot remake of Rapunzel and Eugene meeting for the first time. In this episode, Cassandra accidentally wipes Rapunzel’s memory to the point where Rapunzel thinks she’s still in the tower. It plays out, in part, as “What if Cassandra had found her instead of Eugene?”--something every shipper had doubtless already asked themselves at least once.

Another major moment of paralleling between the two relationships is the endings of both the movie and the series. 

Eugene dies in the end of Tangled only to be resurrected by Rapunzel’s love. Cassandra dies in the series finale of Tangled: The Series, only to be resurrected by Rapunzel’s love. And it is love, that much is very clear.

The only debate really, is whether it’s romantic or platonic love. 

Cassandra and Rapunzel never get official validation in the show or by the executive producers. The most confirmation fans get outside of the text of the show are comments made by some people who work on the show saying that they deliberately coded Cassandra as gay as they could whenever they could.

Yet, for the most part, the creators of this show are largely given a pass by Cassunzel shippers for not making their ship canon. Most understand that, as a Disney property, many hands are tied, particularly given that, due the previous establishment both form the end of Tangled and from the short Tangled Ever After that Rapunzel and Eugene do get married. The reaction seems to largely be that Disney and the show got about as close to confirming it as they could without doing so.

So let’s transition from the show that met, and in some ways, passed expectations to one that has set expectations super high: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. 

She-Ra is perhaps one of the most lgbtqia coded shows out there right now. The first season even ends with them saving the day with a rainbow.

Here is show-runner and executive producer Noelle Stevenson on queerness in her life and She-Ra:

Yet, despite these deliberate attempts to show representation and to challenge heteronormative ideas, the show has yet to show any of its primary characters or even second tier characters in queer romantic relationships. We have seen a few parents, one pair on in a photo, and their is one married couple of women, but none of these characters are prominently featured on the show.

She-Ra has set expectations incredibly high and has yet to deliver.

Even so, part of what sets She-Ra apart from the other two shows discussed here is that there are multiple queer shipping opportunities. Catra and Adora (ship name Catradora) are one of, if not the, most popular ships, but both Catra and Adora have other female characters with which they could be just as easily shipped.

On the one hand, the pressure is pretty high to establish at least one major queer ship before the end of the show. On the other hand, the pressure is much less that the ship specifically be Catradora.

The near-certainty that there will be one or more wlw ships confirmed before the end of She-Ra means, to me, that Catradora has the greatest chance to become canon.

So, there’s Cassunzel that never really had much of a chance for canon confirmation and Catradora, which has a better chance of becoming canon, but also has less pressure to become THE ship. Where does that leave Lena and Kara?

Anyone who has been in the Supergirl fandom knows that it can feel like a battleground. While all fandoms tend to have their issues, Supergirl’s can be so contentions that it, frankly, makes watching the show less fun. This doesn’t all fall on one groups shoulders, I’ve seen nastiness from many sides over different issues. However, the biggest point of contention tends to center around the potential ship of Lena and Kara (Supercorp). 

Supercorp, as a ship, is completely valid. Kara has way more chemistry with Lena than she has had with any of her male love interests, and two of those guys were played by people whom actress Melissa Benoist was actually in relationships with (though the first was an abusive dirtbag, so lack of chemistry probably makes sense there). Lena once thanked Kara by filling her entire office with flowers. There are cuddles, and Kara’s unwavering (until recently) faith in Lena’s goodness. It’s hard not to ship them.

The issue in the fandom, is not so much that people ship Supercorp (though there are increasingly more people who have issues with the ship itself, which is something I’ll address about all three of these ships in the next post) but the vehemence with which some who ship Supercorp approach whether it will be endgame.

In a way, the frustration is understandable. Supergirl is, in many ways, a show that has made a point of including LGBTQ representation. The second season featured a multiple episode story arc of Supergirl’s adoptive sister Alex Danvers (I will stan her until the end of time) realizing she was a lesbian, coming out, and eventually starting a relationship with another woman. Supergirl also made headlines for featuring the first live-action trans superhero on tv with the introduction of Dreamer in Season 4. The trans actress who plays Dreamer, Nicole Maines, has even had input on how the character is represented including a recent episode that discussed the often ignored violence targeting trans people, particularly trans women of color.

She-Ra and Supergirl have different approaches to representation. She-Ra takes place in a fantasy world and appears to take the approach that nothing about identity or sexuality should be assumed about anyone. There is no heteronormativity in Etheria, yet no major characters are in non-m/f relationships. Supergirl on the other hand, is set in a world more similar to ours which has heteronormativity, homophobia, and transphobia, which leads to the show making episodes and story-arcs specifically about those topics while also somewhat constraining the show. There are arguments to be made about the worth of both approaches and both can serve a purpose for viewers, particularly young viewers, who are searching for characters like them in media.

So, why are the people behind Supergirl so often accused of homophobia?

I mentioned in the Blond Bulldozers section that it is a bit telling that all three shows being discussed here attempt to create diversity while having the whitest, most mainstream character as the lead. There are many who would argue that the true values of the shows are represented by their main characters, and that the rest are window dressing to try to make the show look good as a form of tokenism. The point being that shows won’t really show a commitment to diversity until the main characters are just as diverse as the rest of the cast.

These are all valid arguments. 

A less valid argument is the claim that Supercorp is being deliberately baited by the creators of the show. Queer baiting is a term that seems to have a lot of subjectivity tied up with it. The general idea is that it is when creators purposefully use queer coding or other means to inspire queer shipping of characters as a means to draw in the queer community to their show but then never delivering on that potential.

In some ways, all three of these shows could be accused of queer baiting. The direct parallels in between Cassandra/Rapunzel and Eugene/Rapunzel were no accident. The coding and “anything can happen” while very little does on She-Ra is much the same. And Supergirl is trying to center a large part of the show around the relationship between Kara and Lena, a relationship they know many of the fans see as romantic.

Yet, to me, Supergirl, is actually a less guilty party, at least when it comes to Supercorp. One can, again, argue that the canon LGBT ships and characters exist to pander and draw in those audiences, but Supercorp, I believe, genuinely came out of a place of wanting Kara to have a strong female relationship with someone other than her sister, mother, or boss, and I’m sure this falling-out was in the plans fairly early on.

Has the show completely shut down the idea? No, I don’t think they would be foolish enough to do that. But I don’t believe that it rises to the level of baiting. Shows like Sherlock or movies like Pitch Perfect 3 are, to me, much more egregious examples.

Still, as I said, I can understand the frustration of Supercorp shippers, I just feel like the level of anger directed by some not just at the creatives who make the show but at other fans as well is not fully justified. (And yes, I know “not all Supercorps” and I also know other fans have been jerks. Sanvers shippers who are being asses about Kelly are just as bad.) And who knows? I’d never say never to the ship maybe becoming canon eventually after Kara and Lena work out their issues.

That being said, all three of these ships, regardless of canon status, are incredibly popular, and I want to examine more of what that is and the reason some people are wary of these ships and the potential messages they send. This leads me to our topics for our next installment:

MY WIFE IS A BITCH AND I LIKE HER SO MUCH

and

POISON PARADISE

I will try to make the next one shorter. Also, sorry for typos, I did not give this a thorough read-through. I used all my brain power just writing it.

[imaginethebeautifulworld]

Pazienza e Perseveranza

*

Prima Parte: Veneziano

Everything had been so much simpler in the beginning. When you were young, you saw the world through tinted lenses; everything was dreamy and romantic.

Your ignorance was the epitome of peace and contentment. You never wanted for much else, as there was not much known to you beyond your small bubble. Moments were fleeting, your memories hazed to the point you could no longer discern your longing for the old days from the sanguine reality you knew.

That first love- innocent as a daisy and as pure as the first light shower at the end of a long autumn's day- was nothing more than a fuzzy feeling; you're reminded of a peach- it was sweet, soft, his lips were as gentle as a flower petal- Then your eyes are ripped open; the world is cold and bitter. Your first love marches off to a war he doesn't believe in. Your guardian is a tyrant, holding you captive solely for your resources. Your family is divided, physically kept away from each other as the world is terrified of your retribution. Together, you would be unstoppable, but separated you are weak.

You're a pitiful waste of your grandfather's name- -or so they would like to tell you. Your guardian has been an excellent teacher; there is more than one way to fight, and as inspiring as your eldest brother's passion is to destroy everything in his path until he is free, you have been perfecting the art of patience. When branching off on one's own, one must always be able to maneuver themselves through the complex policies of the modern age.

You know that in order to be successful, you will need to win over some powerful allies before you start setting your plans in motion.

There are several options you consider for your seductions-

There is the figurehead of Enlightenment, still bitter since his latest emperor was condemned to isolation, still teeming with a simmering anger that his conquests on the continent were all but for naught.

There is the seafarer, the Imperialist who has claimed so many as his own, concealing his thirst for power and control under a guise of refinement and industry.

There are others you could consider, former enemies and distant powers. You ponder allies who share the same household, seek out faces sharing your thirst for freedom in dining halls and cafes.

Your search is almost fruitless; very few seem keen on challenging your guardian’s foothold.

But there is hope.

Your guardian does possess one particularly begrudging ally, a soldier who commands one of the most impressive militaries you have beheld, a strategist who bears a mind sharper than a boning blade. He tolerates your guardian, though he continues to habour a bitter resentment for the rich, arrogant aristocrat. It’s not uncommon for the two to find points of contention, disputing constantly over taxes, borders, and composers.

With the right amount of charm and a suggestive push, you’re certain that you will win his favor and, much more importantly, his undying support.

But for now, you will continue to feign obliviousness, ignorant in terms of policy and economy, unskilled in the art of manipulating others to your needs. By the time you're finished, your guardian will be begging you to move out already. But for now, patience. If they continue to underestimate you, they’ll eventually give you everything you want. Pazienza è una virtù.

Seconda Parte: Seborga

The world often forgot you. Your eldest brother, despite the lies he fed himself, would always be the favored child. He was the heir, the real pride and joy of your grandfather's legacy.

You were the youngest, invisible to your parents, your grandparents, to the invaders who called themselves your friends. Gradually, you became more at ease with being overlooked. You were free to do as you wished, free to pursue any interests that struck your fancy.

Very few paid you any mind, letting you wander the empire as you wished, conducting your life in whatever manner you desired. While still required to attend formal events and make appearances at your guardian’s table at least once a fortnight, you were able to slip away seemingly unnoticed, providing you with a supreme advantage.

Reconnaissance soon became your greatest strength.

Rare was it for others to question you intentions, many doting on your seemingly insatiable curiosity. They often forgot you were one-third of a fallen empire, that you were just as valuable a player in this game as your brothers. You were often ignored by the outside world, your guardian swiping you up in the same storm with which he claimed your brothers- only to forget you in the next moment. You were just another mouth to feed, another insignificant face at his table. But those other unnamed faces sympathized with you. They too were often overlooked for their more talented siblings, for their beautiful cousins, for their parents' legacies. You find solidarity in the other unnamed, find allies in those who you had once viewed as enemies.

Often, they spoke of unifying against your common foe, working under a single banner for their freedom, for their own identities.

You could commiserate with the northerners; their culture and language were different than your own, but the rallying cry carried the same spirit as your own people.

Often, you wondered why you were overlooked; surely someone would have paid you more notice after the first insurrection. But for those few brief moments of rebelliousness, you were soon ignored yet again, falling back into obscurity after only a few brief months. Perhaps you need to adopt some of the fiery passion your eldest brother carries, or maybe you should learn how to display the calm compliance your elder brother exhibits.

The simple truth is that you will never understand either of them; neither seems to be making any progress at breaking free of this gilded imprisonment.

Both are pitiful at this game; one is too obvious, getting caught and reprimanded before he has a chance to put any of his plans into action. The other acts as if he is not interested in fighting for their freedom, attending parties and operas with your guardian like some love-struck puppy. Once in a while however, your elder brother catches your eyes and offers a small smile just for you. You don’t fully understand the wink that accompanied his grin, but you find yourself eased at the brilliant clarity in his caramel eyes, comforted by the confidence he shows for that brief instant. The mannerisms are dropped again almost immediately, the persona of a fool once again shrouding your companion. You wonder if you had imagined the whole exchange. Perhaps you are alone in this hell.

But you have your allies now, a legion of the forgotten ready to take back their identities, now indivisible under one flag.

You envy their optimism and passion; you finally accept that your family has abandoned you.

The eldest is a rebellious fool, dragged away to a land of beautiful beaches and pleasant rains. The second is an ignoramus, trailing on the coattails of the monster that had landed you all in this predicament to begin with. You are alone. You are insignificant to the kings, the emperors, the princes that stroll these gilded palace halls. In a landscape of snow and ice, you are no longer intimidated by the smiles that hide equally frozen hearts and intentions. You keep a warm smile on your face, knowing that your invisibility will make escape easier. The world forgets you exist. And that's why, when you receive a coded message from the eldest, with a detailed route to escape and save their home, you can't repress your smile.

The next day, when you see the scarcely repressed glee on your elder brother's face, the subtle nod he offers you, and the knowing glance towards the soldier he has been courting, you feel your breath catch in your understanding.

The world had forgotten you.

But your family? Famiglia non dimentica mai.

Terza Parte: Romano

Nothing in this world ever really changes.

You would never admit to your weaknesses, would never accept the conditions of your circumstances without putting up some kind of fight.

Your guardian's superiors have longed to abandon you for eons now, ready to shed off the cumbersome rebel who refused to fully cooperate with his circumstances. But your guardian is as stubborn as you; he refuses to throw you to the wolves.

You knew he was aware of your intentions.

You knew he was risking his own neck to protect you.

You knew he considered you his own kin.

Your younger brothers had it easier.

While their guardian gave them gilded chambers and elegant galas, he would always ensure that you felt the true weight of his control.

While equal in prestige and power to the aristocrat, there were still things that your former conquistador could not protect you from, your people's suffering a constant presence weighing on your mind.

You found ways to distract yourself, learning to appreciate the contentment that comes in the simplicity of an isolated existence. Most days, it would just be you and your guardian in the fields, spending weeks at a time with only each other as company.

The isolation gives you a crippling disadvantage, any news of the outside world coming only with the envoys sent by his leaders, the gravity of your circumstance hidden in the coded drawings sent by your younger brother.

His messages reveal his plans, speak of his and the youngest’s ongoing search for alliances among the other “guests” at their guardian’s estate. They ask you for any advice, beg to be included in your next rebellion.

Their persistence reminds you once again of the cunning involved in sending you so far abroad, the strategic planning that went into giving you away.

There are few allies to be made in the countryside, your isolation on this God-forsaken peninsula part of a scheme to crush your spirits.

You think his pompous, bespectacled lordliness should have made that clear to the former pirate snoring under a tree; you hadn't been this much at ease since before Nonno had left.

Your carefree caretaker is delighted that you are more focused on your studies, begins discussing strategy and warfare and policy with you late into the evenings. At first, you wonder if he may perhaps be the most oblivious oaf on the continent, but as his explanations grow more detailed and certain, you learn that he is also greatly at odds with your enemy.

He plays a fool incredibly well, feigning ignorance whenever visiting dignitaries make mention of the revolts in a distant territory, laughing off concerns of politicians whenever attending to duties in the capital.

You never fully confide in him; the situation is too precarious to place faith in anyone save for your brothers. But you trust him to have your back, providing whatever distractions you need to conceal your frequent visits back home.

He never explicitly gave you his blessing, but somewhere between the lessons on strategy, the hours spent training you how to overcome your muscle spasms to hold a firearm steady, and the weeks of rigorous analysis of dozens of philosophers and politicians- You know your mentor is unwavering in his loyalty.

You hold fast to the latest letter from your brothers; an unexpected ally wants to meet with you, a northerner who is weary of the empire's hegemony. You have hope; he once helped a rebellious farmer from a distant shore earn his freedom; perhaps he could do the same for you.

You only have your hope, an ancient rifle, and the knowledge that your brothers are both depending on you.

As the eldest, it is your duty to protect them. To free them. To give them the best life possible.

You know the storm ahead will be devastating.

You know you are facing a foe far more fearsome than any you've faced upon the sea.

But you are determined. You are resilient. You will persevere. You are your grandfather's legacy. L'Italia risorgerà di nuovo.

*

[information for translations and historical context available here]

[the-lulu-one]

Your Life Matters

The way my personality works is that, unfortunately, I care too much; I care to a fault. I love everyone; black, white, tanned, rainbow coloured… It doesn’t matter to me if you have translucent flesh and come from outer space. I don’t care what your skin looks like and I don’t care where you originate from. I don’t care if you’re human, animal or plant. All living things are equally important in their own way. 

There are millions of people who feel the same way as I do. Unfortunately, they are the ones who go noticed because we are too busy focusing our attention on those who make the most noise. We allow the squeaky wheel to capture our attention and manipulate our emotions.

The problem with caring to excess is that these emotions can easily override my sense of what is actually real, which means I end up suffering for no reason. Additionally, as a result of failing to examine my own mental and emotional processes, I put myself at risk of being blindly led to fulfill the selfish agendas of those who really couldn’t give a shit about me (or anyone else, for that matter).

I found the antidote to my excessive care in the practice of an equal amount of reason and logic. I study the facts and then some... I examine statistics before I can allow myself to form an opinion on anything. It is necessary, and the only way to function as a “normal” person in today’s world where we are constantly inundated with information (not all of which is factual, and much of which is based on people’s egos and the desperate need to appear like a moral human being.) It is called people pleasing. Therein lies the danger of following the crowd – people’s motivations are hidden, even to themselves. The result is not good.

If this movement is not about an innocent man being murdered by a corrupt cop, but rather, a black man being murdered by a white man. If this is about the police brutality and the justice system being fundamentally racist. If every single member of these institutions (including blacks, women and those who identify as LGBT) are racist. Then why are black people attacking everybody, without consideration or mercy? Worse yet, why are we actively encouraging it?

Why are we saying it’s okay to behave like criminals, like crazy people? Why is it totally acceptable to destroy all businesses (including the mum and pop stores that are barely surviving as it is)? Why are we saying it’s okay for people to post stolen items on social media, knowing they have ruined the lives of families and children who simply do not deserve such injustice? What about those guys? And what does it have to do with police brutality and racism?

Why are we encouraging people to leave bricks outside protest areas, knowing full well they will be used for destruction? Some people are just a-holes and like to sit back with a bag of popcorn and watch people hurt one another. That is how they get their kicks and it’s sickening. They have no investment in the cause and could not care less about racism. They don’t care that black people are losing their lives in these protests (17 and counting…) and that they helped contribute to such a tragic turn of events. They sleep perfectly well at night, while families grieve. Why has death become the answer to death?

Let’s imagine something for a moment. Let’s imagine that the statistics which show that white people get it just as bad as black people are in fact correct. (The sources that support this statement are incredible if you wish to venture outside the echo chamber.) Not only would this mean the system is hurting everybody, regardless of skin colour, it also means that all those white victims of police brutality and justice system unfairness died in vain. (If we hate white people so much, that fact alone should suffice for cause of celebration. Because racism is not okay. Unless it’s towards white people, yes?)

Getting back to my point, if just as many white folks are suffering at the hands of authority as black folks, then the problem truly is about police brutality and corruption of the justice system. Can we at least agree on this point? This is our enemy, not each other. This is what we should be fighting against. But we are not doing that. We are making all white people our enemy, which is so pointless and absurd that it does my head in. Yes, racism exists in the world. Yes, there are ignorant people walking among us. This cannot be helped. People are racist and ignorant all over the world, not just white folk areas.

In fact, what seems obvious to me is is that white people are the ones who are learning faster than the rest of the world that racism is simply not okay. Clearly, otherwise our little hearts wouldn’t be so hurt and we wouldn’t be fighting so hard. We simply wouldn’t care. White people fought to help end slavery. Does anyone remember this? It was called the American Civil War. It is behind us now. Why can’t we accept this glorious achievement in history? Racism and slavery is still practiced in other parts of the world, such as Africa and the Middle East. Why aren’t we focusing our efforts on this little problem? There are open air slave markets in Libya. That stuff should have ended in the Roman times, but it hasn’t. Nobody bats an eye though.

Why? Because facts require the effort of research and once we reach the Truth, it is really uncomfortable to share it with others. Per chance we might appear “racist”. And right now, all white people are shoved in the same category of racist. We really, truly cannot escape the label, and we dare not try, because we are too nice. And too scared. So we just let it continue and take it from every angle, even if we know ourselves to be loving and kind people. Name calling is the only way some people can make their point and it is something that’s very much on-trend these days. That and hating yourself for being white. 

Because self-hatred isn’t the number one most damaging thing to mankind or anything, and we don’t struggle enough with it, as it is. There aren’t enough self-help books published to help us out of such a toxic mentality. Yes, more guilt and shame is what we need, even if we weren’t personally involved in the enslavement of black folks and even if zero people in our bloodline were involved in such a hideous way of life. 

Let’s just hate ourselves for being white in the name of “solving” racism, because that makes heaps of sense. Let’s not communicate or brainstorm actual ides for it, because that’s uncomfortable. Let’s just self-flagellate till the end of time, to prove what wonderful, caring human beings we are, and how much we love everyone, clearly, because we hate ourselves. No. Just no.

Calling one another racist should not mean anything anymore because it’s become such a common go-to insult, but unfortunately it still has an effect on our fragile sense of identity. Feeling triggered? Name call. Losing a debate? Name call.  Here’s the thing: name calling is not an argument. It is what little children do in the playground because they haven’t yet developed their emotional intelligence. It is not what adults do.

We cannot continue to make emotional noises with out mouth holes and call it an argument. But because tribe mentality is part of our human nature, it’s easy to worry about what people think because nobody wants to be rejected and cast aside at the end of the day. It just isn’t a good feeling. But here’s another thing: we should not fear insults, because it is just sticks and stones. Our fear should center around conforming to illusion and bad ideas instead.

Here is yet another uncomfortable truth: racism is not about skin colour. I should know, I had white Australians as well as Indigenous Australians tell me to “go back to my own country” when I arrived as a newcomer. (I hate the word “immigrant” so I deliberately use “newcomer” instead.) They showed me how intolerant they were of those who didn’t speak a word of English and didn’t fit in with the Australian culture. Regardless of me clearly feeling scared and alone, and trying my best to assimilate to a foreign environment.

* Which is more than I can say for some cultures who refuse to assimilate and want literally everybody to work around their value system by using their “cultural beliefs” as an excuse to get away with horrific behaviour, such as domestic violence against children and the “traditional” practice of repression of women. This is unacceptable behaviour and nobody should stand for it. But we do, because we don’t want to appear racist. At the end of the day, we should be protecting women and children, no matter what.

But getting back to my story, what I was shown by whites and non-whites alike was that I was not welcome because I was different. It was that simple. A brutal lesson. Unfair. And had absolutely nothing to do with my porcelain complexion. It had everything to do with a fear of “other” and an incredible ignorance and laziness of mind to boot.

The looting, theft and violence of the Black Lives movement needs to find a different angle, because it is not about justice anymore. One cannot receive justice through violent acts. One cannot force justice onto society by inflicting pain on the innocent. Therefore, I truly believe that what is happening here is a long-waited for excuse to behave badly and get away with it. And we are all for it, cheering on the protesters and handing them bricks. (Feeling triggered? Name call.) The truth sucks, I know. I almost want to name call myself. But we need to look at this issue clearly with both heart and mind, and not just heart.

It makes me wonder what hope we have as a society when even health professionals are actively putting people at risk by saying “it’s okay to protest in these times”, knowing that social distancing rules will be broken and many people’s lives are at great risk. These professionals are directly going against their Duty of Care for their patients and the code of ethics initially agreed upon when they started their doctoring, or whatever it is they think they’re doing. 

The idea of putting my life in the hands of doctors now terrifies me, because they too are not immune to pushing their agendas onto people, and they too are scared of looking like they don’t support the movement and are therefore racist (because that makes soo much sense!)  If we cannot trust our own health care experts to stop encouraging us to protest at any cost then who can we trust? https://funnyjunk.com/Only+protestors+will+be+getting+sick/jqdmMwd/)

Some of us support the destruction going on around us, not because we are bad people. But because we are sick to our stomachs that racism actually exists and we are letting our emotions run away with us, hoping it will make a difference. What we actually need to do is step back and look at the bigger picture from a bird’s eye perspective and consider all angles. 

However, those of us who love a riot (until it affects us personally, of course) should review our value systems and what we pass down to our children, who are the future. As well as check that we’re not actually psychopaths. That would be a good start. This is what freedom of speech looks and sounds like. If such a thing truly exists (as it claims to do) then I should be allowed to have my say, like everyone else and not be crucified for it. I value freedom of speech. I need freedom of speech. I will hear everyone out, no matter what their point of view, as we are all learning how to properly human in this fucked up world. I will never stop people from expressing themselves. Ultimately, I will check all the facts but come to my own conclusion. As it should be. If I am wrong in the way I am perceiving this movement, I welcome the challenge of my ideas. I don’t mind civilised and honest debate as long as it is not a screaming contest and based on actual facts. I want to learn as much as I can about the world and the human condition, and I will never stop exploring. However I do reject name calling and unnecessary put downs in the name of “being offended”. Because, newsflash! Everybody is offended right now. I am offended, you are offended, the entire world is offended. That doesn’t mean we have to walk on eggshells around one another until the end of time. Please, can we not do that anymore?

In fact, there is great danger in submitting to that sort of game, as Steven Fry would agree: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJKXJNM3W-c&feature=youtu.be

* For some comedic relief after such a heavy topic, here is Steve Hughes’ video on being offended too. It’s much more light hearted but ultimately makes the same point. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHMoDt3nSHs

I am a human being, like everyone else, and I want to live in a better world. I want future generations to have a better planet in which to thrive. This requires me to speak my mind and I expect the same courtesy returned. We are not monkeys anymore; we have evolved from that. Let’s leave the past in the past and invest our energies on further growth and evolution. Let’s communicate. Let’s debate. Most importantly, let’s invest our very souls in the Truth, by allowing the antidote to our vulnerable sense of empathy to be introspection, hard research and the civilised sharing of ideas. It is the only way forward. 

May it be so.

[rbbeca]

     hi i’m sora ! really, it’s sara -- however, i’m clumsy as fuck so here we are ig. i like dad jokes and putting my characters through hell ... and yungblud.      there’s a couple of things i’d like to say before i give you the mess that’s my baby bex. i’m a tarot fiend. so, i used a personality spread to kind of mold how i wanted to portray her. (and for those of you who ever gets stuck on where to take your character next, it’s a cool way to get through writer’s block sometimes) i’m just super excited to bring you everything i have on her so far.       without further ado -- under the cut is everything i have so far. if you have any questions/comments/concerns -- i’d love to talk it out !       and as for plotting. i don’t know how big of a thing that is for you guys, but if you’d LIKE to, i hope we get the chance ! chemistry is ALSO cool with me, man. 

TW: mentions of dementia, death, and her secret right at the end.

so, it took me a few to figure out how i wanted to write this out. and i’ve decided to go through each aspect of her initial personality INCLUDING each tarot card that came with it. just so i can give you more of an idea as to why i interested them the way i did. make sense? okay leggo.

1. Central Characteristic: This card represents the most important part of someone’s personality; it is the card that best describes and sums up the the personality of the entire person. It is both the primary factor and the summary of the rest of the spread. // for this i got the two of fire, which i took as someone who believes everything happens for a reason. karma is a big thing, as well. you get what you give. and personally i think she does this because believing in a bigger purpose helps her cope with whatever bad things come her way. 2. Influencing Characteristic: This card is the second most important aspect of someone’s personality, and influences, mitigates, or complements the Central Characteristic; in many ways it also the secondary characteristic of a person, and provides a second dimension to one’s personality, adding depth to it. // for this i got the queen of air. and it’s a card that makes her very sure of herself. she’s always thought she’s known who she is morally and has a good feel on what’s best for her. 3. Influence of Past: This card sums up the influences that past events have had on one’s personality; memory is an important part of our personality, our desires, and our own identity. This card represents and shows the influence that this memory has had on a personality. // for this card i got the 6 of fire which literally talked about being an influence and what i took from it was that she was kind of thrown into the limelight and she has always felt she HAD to keep everything together for the public. not to say she hasn’t done a great job at doing that -- but she’s also become a good masker because of it.  4. Goals of the Future: This card represents what one are striving to accomplish; another aspect of one’s personality is their drive, and what makes them motivated: that motivation and drive is represented by this card, which shows the thing that the person is striving to achieve, and their most important desire for the future. // for this card i got 10 of earth which basically translates to affluence and comfort. that’s all she wants. not only for her but for also her loved ones as well. and she’s willing to work tooth and nail to achieve it. 5. Unconscious Thoughts and Motives: This card represents the unconscious thoughts and concerns of a person, and also represents this person’s motives. It answers the questions of “why do they do this?” as well as those of “what are they really thinking?”  This is their unconscious drive (rather than the conscious drive of Card 4), and represents the deepest aspects of their personality, hidden from themselves. Which will probably reveal itself sometime near the future. Character development and all that. // the card i got for this is the 8 of water. the fear of not truly knowing what’s ahead for them. which ties into their secret. so it’s not something she’s too worried about just yet. 6. Conscious Thoughts and Concerns: This card represents the person’s conscious thought. It helps one examine what the most important things are to this person, and represents their most pressing concerns, and what is most important to them at this time. // for this i had gotten 10 of fire. this card, to me, is the wanting to release all the fear and struggle and move forward. and that’s what she works towards every single day. 7. Public Face: This card is the public aspect of one’s identity; this is how others perceive this person, and how their environment (including other people) affects them and notices them. This card represents how they want others to see them as well. // For this card i got the ace of water. which stands for unconditional love and her longing to love people as much as she can. she doesn’t waste time hating people. not necessarily because she’s a push-over. forgive ... don’t forget. 8. Private Face: This card represents the concept of self-identity and self-image, and shows how a person really thinks of themselves. This might line up with one’s public face, but often is at least slightly different.This card shows how this person really feels about himself, and what they think their own identity is. // for this card i got the 5 of earth. this translates to me that she’s always wanting to better herself. no matter what, she feels like nothing she does is the best she can do. and she will work until she’s unable.  9. Public Desire: This card represents what one says they want; it is the stated hopes and fears of a person. This is what the person wants others to think they want and what they want others to think they are afraid of; this card represents those desires made public. // for this card i got the 4 of water. which, to me, means she wants everyone to think she’s always intuitive. always clever. always ambitious.  10. Private Desire: This card represents one’s true hopes and fears; their heart’s desire or their deepest, secret fear. These are the desires that people keep repressed and hidden – sometimes even from themselves – for various reasons. These are the inner passions and repressed terrors that often motivate people’s actions unconsciously. // for this card i got the 7 of water. which, to me, is her fear of losing touch with reality. it goes well with her secret. (which is how she watched her mom die with dementia. and while it runs heavily in her family, she’s afraid of getting too close to people just in case it hits her the same way. she would never wish watching that process on her worse enemy) this also ties into card number 5 ... and really all of them if you think about it. 

so i truly hope this all gives you a huge insight with what she’s like to begin with. of course i’ll throw in some plot twists eventually, i just thought this was a cool way to start out. 

[saemi-the-writer]

Taming the green-eyed monster

Fandom: The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde Sequel to this story

Pairing: Utterson/Jekyll and Utterson/Hyde Warning: Some swearing, mentions of sex

Lady Summers belongs to @melodiouswhite

Summary: Jekyll works to overcome his jealousy, Utterson waits patiently.

“My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart concealing it will break.” ― William Shakespeare, “The Taming of the Shrew”

Hyde grunted as he stepped inside the dark room; walking all the way to Utterson’s estate and climbing up had tired him a bit, thus his initial wrath had rather lowered. He leaned on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

“Edward.”

The “young man” jumped back with a repressed cry before he finally noticed the lawyer. The two stared at each other in a tense silence; Hyde had a hand on his heart, which was beating wildly, while Utterson had his arms crossed over his chest. The only sound resonating in the room now was Hyde’s ragged breath.

“What- How did you know I was coming?” Hyde finally managed to utter.

“Let’s say I had an intuition you would.” Utterson chose not to mention Lanyon’s call, not wanting to spark an argument between the two. “So, I looked out of the window until I saw you sneaking in the garden.”

Hyde grumbled something unintelligible under his breath, still breathing heavily. The lawyer tutted before turning on a lamp; then he pulled out a chair and nodded at the other, a silent offer or order -the little rogue was not sure- to sit down. Whatever it was, he dropped on the seat with a groan.

“Now.” Utterson pulled another chair for himself, joined his hands in front of him and frowned down at the smaller man. “I believe you and I need to talk.”

———————————–

“Darling, what is it?” Mrs Guest asked her husband, half asleep.

Mr Guest had lit a lamp and was checking the window of their bedroom.

“Sorry, my dear.” He said softly after ensuring the window was closed (and locked). “I woke to a strange feeling, as if I was frozen to the bone. I had to check if the window was open.”

His beloved patted the pace next to her and wrapped her arms around him when he joined her back under the covers.

“It must have been a bad dream.” She whispered before falling asleep again.

Mr Guest chose to shove the bad feeling he had out of his mind, but he could not help feeling like someone was really mad at him.

———————————–

“So, it did not end really well.” Lady Summers acknowledged, putting her half-full teacup on its saucer.

Jekyll gloomily sipped on his tea in response. The therapist could hear his intern mutterings and would have found them amusing, had his jealousy not been so inappropriate.

“He threw his old copy of Othello in Hyde’s- in my face” his grip on the teacup tightened, worrying her that he would break it (he’d better not!) “and ordered me to read it carefully before we see each other again.”

“He did not throw it to your face.” the blonde woman corrected immediately; she knew it for she had watched the scene replaying in his mind.

Seeing that the argument was going round and round, Utterson had taken the book -which he had been keeping close the whole time apparently- and gave Hyde a small whack on the forehead with it.

“Read it.” The lawyer’s voice was ice cold. “Either as Edward or Henry, read it carefully before you eventually revisit me. Or even talk to me. Now get out.”

Then before Hyde’s outrage expression, he had pointed at the still opened window.

“It’s almost the same!” the doctor exclaimed. “I can’t believe him!”

“Had I known this Guest’s address; I would have broken one of his windows!” Hyde’s voice raised in the man’s head.

Lady Summers frowned and got up from her rocking chair.

“Good thing you did not, then.” her tone hardened. “Are you aware that Utterson’s trust in you would have been severely damaged, had you done that?” Jekyll froze and stared at her with wide eyes. “Of course, he would have known about it sooner or later and put two and two together! Do you think of he’s an idiot? Don’t even answer.”

The Lady walked to him and stopped in front of him, her ice-blue eyes glaring down at the doctor.

“Your relationship could have even been broken because of that, Jekyll, Hyde. If you can go and do such things in a jealous rage -and an inconvenient one, may I add- then you don’t respect Utterson as a person.”

“I do!” Jekyll cried out, his face as white as a sheet.

“Then why were you thinking about hurting, or causing any property damage to someone he cares about? Do you also plan to make him choose between Mr Guest and you? Then why don’t you just put him inside a cage to keep him all to yourself, at your beck and call?”

When Jekyll’s eyes started to fill with tears, Lady Summers knew she was on the good track. She needed to push him this way so he would step out of this downward spiral on his own. She knew why Jekyll felt the need to feel “chosen” above someone else, where his feeling of betrayal came from; and that, deep down, Hyde’s furious outburst were only a manifestation of that trauma along with Jekyll’s deep lack of both self-confidence and self-esteem. Utterson was aware of that, and it hurt him, it was always very affecting to see someone you love clinging to both their misery and past, locking themselves into their insecurities and refusing to see themselves as they truly were.

Another sharp comment and the man started wailing, letting out all his anguish and self-doubt out. Lady Summers sat down next to him and invited him to cry in her laps; caressing his soft hair to soothe him as he did.

———————————–

Lanyon let go of his friend to let him wipe at his eyes, holding his monocle for him as he did. Utterson offered him a small smile and thanked him once he had put his handkerchief down.

“Forgive me, I did not mean for you to be there to comfort me when I invited you.” The lawyer said, putting his monocle back on his right eye.

“Nonsense.” Lanyon poured them both more tea. “It is only fair that I am here for you after what happened. I owe you that, for all those times you listened to me.”

Utterson had always been the mediator between the two doctors when they argued, since their schooldays; sometimes even being the messenger between the two of them, always standing in the middle, as if caught into a crossfire.

Lanyon now fully realized how hard it must have been for Utterson back then. He was not sure if he felt more admiration or guilt towards him, for all the arguments he had got him involved in.

Utterson stared thoughtfully at his cup of tea before speaking again.

“I just wish he could see how far he has come.” a sigh escaped his lips. “It seems like I don’t show him enough appreciation; I know I am not the most demonstrative, but I thought he had come to understand my way of showing affection…”

“He must stop going from one extreme to another.” Lanyon pointed out, stirring some sugar in his tea. “As you said, he had come so far -the two of you had- you should not have to constantly prove your love to him after everything that happened! Needing some reassurance now and then is one thing, but this whole charade!”

Utterson drank slowly his tea, his friend’s words sinking him and bringing some comfort.

“I know he must take the first step to reconcile this time.” He whispered loud enough for Lanyon to hear. “But I miss him. Either as Henry or Edward…”

“And it’s alright.” His friend offered him a kind smile as he squeezed his shoulder.

“And it’s not like I have never been jealous over him.”

Lanyon looked at the lawyer incredulously, barely believing what he heard.

“Well, at least you were discreet when you were!” he laughed awkwardly.

This got Utterson to smile, before he started recounting his misadventure with that feeling.

———————————–

The book was extremely well-worn, eventually dog-eared, it was obvious Utterson had read it many times. Jekyll gently flipped through it and quickly noticed it was heavily annotated; the name of some characters was underlined, some stage directions added or removed, and parts of some soliloquies were underlined as well.

Upon closer reading, he noticed Utterson had not just taken some notes for an eventual acting, he was also commenting some sentences and…

There was a letter hidden in the pages. It was as old as the book itself, and it was addressed to him?

Jekyll blinked in confusion and quickly opened the envelope.

———————————–

Utterson sighed as he re-read the old letter hidden in “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”.

I was literally desperate at the time.

Maybe he was being hard on himself, the letter itself was not that horrible but it was painful for him to read. Looking back, the year when he turned 17 had been the worst year of his life; not only had he been going through an identity crisis and realized he was in love with Henry… his mother died. Although he had been surrounded by his family and friends, it was the loneliest time of Utterson’s life. Feeling alone in the crowd, being struck by loneliness in the centre of the scene… Utterson shook his head, now was not the time to dwell.

Oh, this rhyme is quite good, I didn’t remember it.

He had written several letters to Henry at that time; letters that he had never meant to send to him, hidden -as if sealed- into his old drama texts, buried under all his legal documents and records. Othello contained the one where he had expressed all his passion and jealousy. He had not dared re-read it, remembering all too well in what state he had written it. A small snort escaped him as he recalled Lanyon’s expression when he confessed him that, and how he had believed his two friends had been lovers back then.

———————————–

Lucy stared at her odd friend in concern; Hyde had ordered a drink and had yet to touch it, the brunette merely twirled the liquid in his glass, staring into space. But more surprising: he had not tried to pick a fight! Usually, he was either drinking and chatting with her and some of the girls or blowing off some steam by fighting with other clients -or the barman, depending on his mood.

“Hey.” He uttered, at last. “When you quarrel with your special other because you acted overly jealous, how do you reconcile?”

The prostitute’s eyes widened, then a smile appeared on her face. So, that was the problem! She sat closer to him before she started listing what she would do in a similar situation (it never happened) or what she would like to see her beloved do for her.

“But you know your ‘special other’ better than me, so you should know what would please him.” Lucy tapped her finger playfully on his nose. “The first step is always the most difficult to take; and since you’re the one who started the whole ordeal, do us a favour: put your pride asides and go apologize.”

Hyde huffed and looked away from the brown-haired woman.

“Oh my God, this guy is going to get himself killed!”

The two brunettes turned to see what the other prostitute meant, and Hyde froze.

What is Guest doing here?

———————————–

“Finally!” Hyde breathed and let himself fall into Lanyon’s couch. “I can’t believe I had almost the whole family hanging on my coattail!”

“You did not have Mrs Guest on the phone.” Lanyon pointed out, rubbing his right ear. “And stop complaining! It is perfectly comprehensible that Mr Guest’s family would get worried in such circumstances.”

“His son was literally clinging to me and whining during the whole consultation, and he was not even the one injured!”

Lanyon chuckled. When he had got out of the examination room to tell Mr Guest’s son - Terrence if he recalled – he could go see his father; he had found the young man holding onto Hyde like a koala to its branch. He had almost burst out laughing at his friend’s expression, silently calling him out for help while the younger man was wailing, feeling guilty for the previous events.

“At least, Lucy got somewhere better to spend the night than her old cabin or the brothel…”

Hyde startled when the bearded doctor took his left hand to examine it.

“You should have told me it was bruised.” Lanyon glared at him before searching for his medical kit. “How are you supposed to take care of your patients tomorrow if you are hurt?”

“Jekyll can manage.” The brunette rolled his eyes but let the other treat him.

“You did well.” Lanyon uttered after a long moment of silence, Hyde blinked and stared at him in confusion. “Utterson will be proud when he hears that.”

“I-I did not do it get back on his good side!” Hyde stammered, frowning both in concern and annoyance.

“I know that, Mr Guest, Terrence and Miss Lucy explained me everything.” the doctor had a wry smile while he was tidying up his tools. “And hearing how Mrs Guest was being vocal about filing a complaint, our Utterson is likely to learn about this case first thing in the morning.”

Hyde leant against the armrest, burying his face in arms with a low hum. He did want to reconcile with Gabriel as soon as possible, this week has seemed endless, but not this way. Yes, being a hero in his beloved’s eyes sounded delightful, he could not deny it; but he was afraid it might seem to be a cheap manoeuvre to get what he wanted.

Was it what he thought, or was it Jekyll?... Whatever. He was not in the mood for games.

His fingers gently brushed his overcoat, Utterson’s letter was hidden in its inside pocket.

Then, as if stricken by thunder, Hyde got up; startling Lanyon.

“Hastie, do you by any chance have a book of herbology and one of floriography?”

The divided man spent the rest of the night drawing, turning back to his usual form to write a letter to go with the picture. Once sealed, Jekyll held the envelop against his chest before handing it to his butler, instructing him to deliver it personally to his (beloved) lawyer.

———————————–

Utterson gathered his papers, putting them into a folder, before walking Mrs Guest out of his office.

“I will do everything I can, Alathea.” He assured gravely. “What was done to Ethan and what was meant to happen to Terrence will not go unpunished.”

“Thank you, Gabriel.” Mrs Guest’s eyes gleamed with angry tears, she quickly wiped them away with her handkerchief before offering the lawyer a small smile. “The dinner of tomorrow is not cancelled, by the way. Your presence would be much appreciated.”

“I would not miss it for anything in the world.” Utterson smiled back.

As he welcomed his next client, his gaze rested for a second on the letter Poole had given him early in the morning. He discreetly hid it before he brought his attention back to his client.

It was only when lunchtime came that the occasion arose, Utterson locked himself in his office, asking not to be disturbed, and quickly opened it.

The letter was probably the most poignant and sincere one Jekyll had ever written him, there were no promises, no attempt at justifying himself; only the expression of his regret and his ardent love for him. The fact that he mentioned Utterson’s letter and the copy of Othello moved the lawyer, so his words did reach him!

Then, there was the drawing.

It was a bouquet of flowers, since Jekyll could not offer him one openly, he had chosen to draw it for him. One that would never wither. Utterson found it very heart-warming.

A big blue iris and a white peony surrounded by several white garden arabises and light pink hawthorns.

The iris announced a message, but it could also mean “I am ready to do anything to prove my love”; the peony to express modesty and shame, then the hawthorns for hope and garden arabises for reconciliation.

How lovely.

Then, he noticed four orchids at the bottom of the page.

Utterson smiled fondly, orchids meant you were in the person’s thoughts, and the white ones specified pure love – similar to a white rose, most of times…

Wait.

Four orchids. White, yellow, pink and finally red.

Utterson’s cheeks glowed so red one could think he had a high fever.

This is Edward’s doing, I’m sure of it!!

He shook his head and quickly folded the drawing again, hiding it from his sight with a tut. But then he paused, unsure.

“Why would you not give him what he is asking for?” a mischievous voice resounded in his mind.

Before he knew it, a cheeky smile had made its way on his face.

———————————–

Jekyll was not sure what to make of Lady Summers wry smile; she had acted a bit off ever since she had to excuse herself from the lounge for a moment. And now, she was whispering into Lanyon’s ear; the doctor could not watch them more as one of his other guests was talking to him.

And it went on, the two (lovebirds) kept exchanging knowing gazes and laughed into their sleeves (for Lanyon) and fan (for Lady Summers). Jekyll felt his eye twitch when they only chuckled after he asked what was going on.

“What are they up to?!” Hyde huffed. “I hate it when people do that! Are they trying to trick us?”

“So do I.” Jekyll answered mentally, aware that the blonde woman was probably listening to their conversation. “I have no idea what is going on, but I trust they won’t trick us… not too bad.”

The night ended peacefully; all the guests were on their way back home. After thanking him for the dinner, Lady Summers leant in and told him in a low voice:

“Do not take too long to go to bed, my friend. You deserve some rest.”

Jekyll blinked, not sure if he was more confused than grateful for her caring. His old friend gave him a light slap on the back with an enthusiastic “good night, old chap!” before escorting the Lady out.

The blonde doctor stared at their carriage until it was out of sight, still baffled.

“Well, you might as well go to bed.” Hyde commented, shrugging in his shadow form. “I want to be in good shape tomorrow night.”

“You got some plans?” Jekyll raised an eyebrow at him.

Hyde evaded the issue, which annoyed him; he threatened to prevent him to go out unless he told him exactly what he had in mind. The two internally bickered until Jekyll reached his room. The doctor bid good-night to his butler before entering; he closed the door and was about to continue his argument with his alter-ego when an arm wrapped itself around his waist from behind.

A hand was pressed to his mouth as he cried out in alarm; Jekyll felt his heartbeat accelerating considerably in panic before a familiar scent reached his nose.

“I’ve got you, my Apollo. Or should I call you my Othello?”

The hand let go of his mouth -Jekyll gasped as it did- to caress his lower lip with the tip of its fingers and gently seized his chin to turn his head around.

“Gabe!” Jekyll exclaimed in relief.

“Mister Seek!” Hyde cheered in the highest pitch voice the doctor had ever heard him, it was quite embarrassing honestly.

“But how?” he was shortly interrupted by a kiss.

“You’re not the only one to know how to sneak around, you know?” Utterson smirked before kissing him again, on his cheek this time.

Jekyll felt himself melt like butter into the lawyer arms and clung to his neck after turning around for a proper kiss. The temperature of the room increased quickly while more kisses were shared, each one more passionate than the previous.

“Thank you for having come to the aid of Guest, the other night.” Gabriel muttered between two kisses. “And for the flowers and your letter, they were lovely.”

The two cravats were quickly undone, both men could breathe more easily once their stiff collars were out of the way.

“I am sorry about my attitude last week.” Jekyll panted. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“I know.” The brown-haired man paused and took his lover’s face into his hands, his thumbs caressing the other’s cheeks. “I’ve missed you too. And I admit that I have been longing for your presence at night as well.” Jekyll felt himself grinning like a fool at that. “So, I could not resist to your second invitation. I came here as soon as the dinner at Guest was over.”

“I’m glad you- wait, what second invitation??”

“The orchids, Henry.” Gabriel chuckled and breathed into his ear. “The yellow orchid means the warmth of love along erotism” the blonde man froze. “the pink one for sensual seduction and the red one expresses the desire to make love.”

Henry’s skin was now burning hot.

“EDWARD WHAT THE HELL!!!”

“Complaining, complaining! If you’re not happy then step aside!! I want him bad!!”

“This is out of question!! First come, first-served basis!!”

“Henry, are you and Edward arguing again?” Utterson tutted.

“Nevermind!” Jekyll kissed him fiercely, his hands gripping his lover’s shirt. “Rip those clothes off me, Gabriel!”

The doctor yelped when Utterson truly ripped his shirt open, then seized his two hands and tied his wrists together with his own cravat.

“Now behave.” The lawyer’s eyes were now smoky with desire, his voice setting his lover even more aflame.

When the sun raised in the rarely clear sky, Jekyll was snuggled up to his beloved in bed, breathing heavily and not feeling his legs anymore.

[jgias]

    again, hi i’m sora ! really, it’s sara – however, i’m clumsy as fuck so here we are ig. i like dad jokes and putting my characters through hell … and yungblud.    as most of you know by now, i’m tarot fiend. therefore i use it to plan out my characters as well as writers block and all that so i hope you like all of my characters! right now i have alissa violet, becky g, and now avan! avan is basically who matty was, i just wasn’t feeling matty’s face.    without further ado – under the cut is everything i have so far. if you have any questions/comments/concerns – i’d love to talk it out !    and as for plotting, if you’d LIKE to, i hope we get the chance ! chemistry is ALSO cool with me, man.

TW: MENTIONS OF CAR ACCIDENTS, POTENTIAL DEATHS.

1. CENTRAL CHARACTERISTIC: This card represents the most important part of someone’s personality; it is the card that best describes and sums up the the personality of the entire person. It is both the primary factor and the summary of the rest of the spread. // FOR THIS I GOT THE WORLD/PERSPECTIVE CARD WHICH TO ME TRANSLATES INTO HIM TRYING TO FIND OUT WHO HE IS AS A PERSON. WHICH WILL MAKE SENSE WHEN YOU READ HIS SECRET!

2. INFLUENCING CHARACTERISTIC: This card is the second most important aspect of someone’s personality, and influences, mitigates, or complements the Central Characteristic; in many ways it also the secondary characteristic of a person, and provides a second dimension to one’s personality, adding depth to it. // FTHIS CARD SHOWED UP AS 2 OF EARTH, WHICH IS SOMEONE WHO ADAPTS EASILY AND CAN PUT ON A FAUX FACE VERY EASILY. MAKING THEM HARD TO FIGURE OUT UNLESS THEY LET YOU IN.

3. INFLUENCE OF PAST: This card sums up the influences that past events have had on one’s personality; memory is an important part of our personality, our desires, and our own identity. This card represents and shows the influence that this memory has had on a personality. // FOR THIS CARD I FOR THE PAGE OF AIR. AND WITH EVERYTHING ELSE, I GOT THAT HE’S BEEN QUESTIONING HIMSELF FOR SOME TIME NOW.

4. GOALS OF THE FUTURE: This card represents what one are striving to accomplish; another aspect of one’s personality is their drive, and what makes them motivated: that motivation and drive is represented by this card, which shows the thing that the person is striving to achieve, and their most important desire for the future. // THIS CARD CAME UP AS THE KING OF AIR. IT’S SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE JUST AND FAIR – BUT ALSO, I ASSUME, CONTROL OF HIS MANY EMOTIONS.

5. UNCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS AND MOTIVES: This card represents the unconscious thoughts and concerns of a person, and also represents this person’s motives. It answers the questions of “why do they do this?” as well as those of “what are they really thinking?”  This is their unconscious drive (rather than the conscious drive of Card 4), and represents the deepest aspects of their personality, hidden from themselves. Which will probably reveal itself sometime near the future. Character development and all that. // THE CARD I GOT FOR THIS WAS THE CHARIOT. THIS CAN BE SEEN AS SOMEONE WHO IS SELF-INDULGENT. BUT, ON THE FLIPSIDE, IT COULD MEAN THAT HE FOCUSES ON OTHERS JUST SO HE DOESN’T HAVE TO FOCUS ON HIMSELF. WHICH, TO ME, IS WHAT I’D SEE MORE IN HIM. PERHAPS A HERO-COMPLEX?

6. CONSCIOUS THOUGHTS AND CONCERNS: This card represents the person’s conscious thought. It helps one examine what the most important things are to this person, and represents their most pressing concerns, and what is most important to them at this time. // THIS CARD SHOWED ITSELF AS THE PAGE OF FIRE. SOMEONE WHO WORRIES VERY EASILY AND DOES EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO BE READY IN CASE OF AN UNFORESEEN ADVENTURE. (WHICH IS WHERE IS SECRET COMES IN. HIS SECRET IS THAT HE WAS INVOLVED IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND RAN FROM THE SCENE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO HELP THE PERSON THAT WAS HIT. AND NOW HE HAS NO IDEA IF THEY LIVED OR DIED. LET’S BE CLEAR -- HE WASN’T DRIVING. BUT, I HAVEN’T DECIDED IF HE’S GOING TO TAKE THE BLAME OR NOT YET)

7. PUBLIC FACE: This card is the public aspect of one’s identity; this is how others perceive this person, and how their environment (including other people) affects them and notices them. This card represents how they want others to see them as well. // AND AS FOR THIS CARD, I GOT THE THE 9 OF FIRE. WHICH PRESENTS ITSELF AS SOMEONE CALM AND COLLECTED. WHICH, OF COURSE HE HAS TO BE. SOMEONE WHO CAN EASILY HIDE FROM THE CHAOS WITHIN.

8. PRIVATE FACE: This card represents the concept of self-identity and self-image, and shows how a person really thinks of themselves. This might line up with one’s public face, but often is at least slightly different.This card shows how this person really feels about himself, and what they think their own identity is. // AND OF COURSE, FOR THIS I GOT THE 6 OF WATER. THIS IS HIS ANXIETY. THINGS HE’S HIDDEN DOWN IS SLOWLY BUILDING AND WELL … DROWNING HIM. AND ALL HE WANTS IS TO GO BACK TO AN EASIER TIME IN LIFE. THERE’S NO TELLING WHEN THIS WILL EITHER COME OUT BY THE GOSSIP BLOG OR BY HIM.

9. PUBLIC DESIRE/FEARS: This card represents what one says they want; it is the stated hopes and fears of a person. This is what the person wants others to think they want and what they want others to think they are afraid of; this card represents those desires made public. // FOR THIS CARD I GOT THE ACE OF EARTH. WHICH TRANSLATES INTO WANTING THE SECURITY OF NOT LIVING IN FEAR OF HIS PAST. SO HE TRYS TO MAKE IT UP BY BEING OVERLY HUMBLED AND OVERLY GIVING. BUT, WHAT HE DOESN’T REALIZE IS THAT KARMA DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

10. PRIVATE DESIRES/FEARS: This card represents one’s true hopes and fears; their heart’s desire or their deepest, secret fear. These are the desires that people keep repressed and hidden – sometimes even from themselves – for various reasons. These are the inner passions and repressed terrors that often motivate people’s actions unconsciously. // LASTLY, I GOT THE 10 OF WATER. AT THIS POINT ALL HE WANTS IS SOME KIND OF RELIEF. AND WHO KNOWS HOW HE’LL TRY TO ACHIEVE IT. WHETHER HE COPES WITH IT WELL OR NOT. I GUESS WE’LL SEE. ASKING FOR HELP WOULD MEAN ADMITTING WHAT HE DID AND THAT’S HIS BIGGEST FEAR.

so i truly hope this all gives you a huge insight with what he’s like to begin with. of course i’ll throw in some plot twists eventually, i just thought this was a cool way to start out.

[vilct]

     yes, my friends, it’s me again. hi i’m sora ! really, it’s sara – however, i’m clumsy as fuck so here we are ig. i like dad jokes and putting my characters through hell … and yungblud. nothing’s changed. but also the whole billie eilish radio speaks WONDERS. just a heads up.      as most of you know by now, i’m tarot fiend. therefore i use it to plan out my characters as well as writers block and all that and honestly it hasn’t bit me in the booty. 

     first we had BEX who is a literal angel. no matter what you’ve done i life she wants you to be happy. however, due to familial genes, she’s too scared to have a family of her own. because she would never intentionally like putting anyone through what she went through while taking care of her mom as she died.and so she’s an emotional mess -- but a bohemian mess.

     THEN we had MATTY. the boy (well,man, but whatever) who, back in college, accidentally hit someone late at night. but, being freaked out, he left the scene and doesn’t know still a decade later if the person lived or died. and to deal with that traumatic stress, he’s found negative ways to cope. a way to punish himself. meanwhile he’s the sweetest man you’ll ever meet because he hopes to balance out karma. (which btw, that’s not how it works. you can do 1000 good things but that bad thing will always be there there’s no erasing the past ya’ll)

     and now, without further ado – under the cut is everything i have so far on lissa. if you have any questions/comments/concerns – i’d love to talk it out !       and as for plotting, if you’d LIKE to, i hope we get the chance ! chemistry is ALSO cool with me, man. she’s gonna be a sad smol bean but i promise not to make her a drag okayzie ? okayzie. 

TW: sexual harassment, sexual misconduct, sexual blackmail etc.

1. Central Characteristic: This card represents the most important part of someone’s personality; it is the card that best describes and sums up the the personality of the entire person. It is both the primary factor and the summary of the rest of the spread. // transformation. through her secret, she’s found herself needing change. change in how much self-respect she has for herself. (her secret is that she has slept with many producers/higher ups in order to get ahead in the entertainment business. and now they’re holding it against her i hope that it wouldn’t be exposed)

2. Influencing Characteristic: This card is the second most important aspect of someone’s personality, and influences, mitigates, or complements the Central Characteristic; in many ways it also the secondary characteristic of a person, and provides a second dimension to one’s personality, adding depth to it. // 4 of air. a time for her to heal as she refuses to use her body to get ahead anymore. it’s been a long journey but this is where she’s at as of the start of me portraying her. SO everything she does, she thinks will help her … or at times she may even give up. that’s why it’s a JOURNEY.

3. Influence of Past: This card sums up the influences that past events have had on one’s personality; memory is an important part of our personality, our desires, and our own identity. This card represents and shows the influence that this memory has had on a personality. // 10 of air. since she’s witnessed others get out of the same predicament, she’s hopeful that she can do the same. she finds inspiration in any place she can so that she doesn’t give up. because she’s risking her name being smeared. she’s trying to be braver than she thinks she is.

4. Goals of the Future: This card represents what one are striving to accomplish; another aspect of one’s personality is their drive, and what makes them motivated: that motivation and drive is represented by this card, which shows the thing that the person is striving to achieve, and their most important desire for the future. // moon. as this part of her life is coming to an end, she’s slowly gaining the hope in humanity that she once had. even if back then she was too naive to notice the dangers. she’s since put up many walls that she has to work through. and while you may think you’re getting through to her, please be aware ooc that no one is … yet.

5. Unconscious Thoughts and Motives: This card represents the unconscious thoughts and concerns of a person, and also represents this person’s motives. It answers the questions of “why do they do this?” as well as those of “what are they really thinking?”  This is their unconscious drive (rather than the conscious drive of Card 4), and represents the deepest aspects of their personality, hidden from themselves. Which will probably reveal itself sometime near the future. Character development and all that. // King of fire. keeping the mindset that she has to move forward is what keeps her head in a good place. after all, how can you be confident in new aspects of life if you’re rigid and closed off to new things? she’s a lot stronger than she thinks. and i’m sure she still learning that sleeping with someone doesn’t mean “thank you”.

6. Conscious Thoughts and Concerns: This card represents the person’s conscious thought. It helps one examine what the most important things are to this person, and represents their most pressing concerns, and what is most important to them at this time. // Empress. fake it ‘til you make it. because she believes deep down that she’s more than what’s she’s done in the past. and she uses the hurt she’s been through to push her towards her future. taking it one day at a time. she knows that if anyone ever found out what she’s done, she might not get work again. but she wants to be at a point where she thinks her self-worth is more than that. taking back her sexuality is EVERYTHING to her.

7. Public Face: This card is the public aspect of one’s identity; this is how others perceive this person, and how their environment (including other people) affects them and notices them. This card represents how they want others to see them as well. // Ace of fire. in short – as far as anyone is concerned, she’s strong and independent. and nothing will ever hold her back. she’s great at masking. and she truly will until you present her with total undeniability.

8. Private Face: This card represents the concept of self-identity and self-image, and shows how a person really thinks of themselves. This might line up with one’s public face, but often is at least slightly different.This card shows how this person really feels about himself, and what they think their own identity is. // Fortunes wheel. fortune never seems to be on her side, and she’s afraid that her strong front will demolish. not knowing or having control over her life is hard for her. because she thought she did for the longest time.

9. Public Desire/fears: This card represents what one says they want; it is the stated hopes and fears of a person. This is what the person wants others to think they want and what they want others to think they are afraid of; this card represents those desires made public. // 7 of water. she feels, more than most, that she has a huge trope above her head to prove herself. (mostly on the inside) but, she’s continuously working and trying hard because she wants to prove she belongs in the entertainment industry. and learning that she owes no one ANYTHING to do so.

10. Private Desires/fears: This card represents one’s true hopes and fears; their heart’s desire or their deepest, secret fear. These are the desires that people keep repressed and hidden – sometimes even from themselves – for various reasons. These are the inner passions and repressed terrors that often motivate people’s actions unconsciously. // 9 of water. she’s slowly growing her self-esteem and raising her own self-worth. her passion lies within the entertainment industry. but her fear lies within not being talented enough to be there. and possibly having that habit of falling back into the old habit of sleeping around to get what she wants.

so i truly hope this all gives you a huge insight with what she’s like to begin with. of course i’ll throw in some plot twists eventually, just like with my other babies. COME PLOT WITH ME PLS.  

[mvtthw]

     again, hi i’m sora ! really, it’s sara – however, i’m clumsy as fuck so here we are ig. i like dad jokes and putting my characters through hell … and yungblud.     as most of you know by now, i’m tarot fiend. therefore i use it to plan out my characters as well as writers block and all that so i hope you like both matty and bex! i’m just super excited AS ALWAYS.     without further ado – under the cut is everything i have so far. if you have any questions/comments/concerns – i’d love to talk it out !     and as for plotting, if you’d LIKE to, i hope we get the chance ! chemistry is ALSO cool with me, man.

TW: mentions of car accidents, potential deaths. 

1. Central Characteristic: This card represents the most important part of someone’s personality; it is the card that best describes and sums up the the personality of the entire person. It is both the primary factor and the summary of the rest of the spread. // for this i got the world/perspective card which to me translates into him trying to find out who he is as a person. which will make sense when you read his secret!

2. Influencing Characteristic: This card is the second most important aspect of someone’s personality, and influences, mitigates, or complements the Central Characteristic; in many ways it also the secondary characteristic of a person, and provides a second dimension to one’s personality, adding depth to it. // fthis card showed up as 2 of earth, which is someone who adapts easily and can put on a faux face very easily. making them hard to figure out unless they let you in.

3. Influence of Past: This card sums up the influences that past events have had on one’s personality; memory is an important part of our personality, our desires, and our own identity. This card represents and shows the influence that this memory has had on a personality. // for this card i for the page of air. and with everything else, i got that he’s been questioning himself for some time now. 

4. Goals of the Future: This card represents what one are striving to accomplish; another aspect of one’s personality is their drive, and what makes them motivated: that motivation and drive is represented by this card, which shows the thing that the person is striving to achieve, and their most important desire for the future. // this card came up as the king of air. it’s someone who wants to be just and fair -- but also, i assume, control of his many emotions.

5. Unconscious Thoughts and Motives: This card represents the unconscious thoughts and concerns of a person, and also represents this person’s motives. It answers the questions of “why do they do this?” as well as those of “what are they really thinking?”  This is their unconscious drive (rather than the conscious drive of Card 4), and represents the deepest aspects of their personality, hidden from themselves. Which will probably reveal itself sometime near the future. Character development and all that. // the card i got for this was the chariot. this can be seen as someone who is self-indulgent. but, on the flipside, it could mean that he focuses on others JUST SO he doesn’t have to focus on himself. which, to me, is what i’d see more in him. perhaps a hero-complex?

6. Conscious Thoughts and Concerns: This card represents the person’s conscious thought. It helps one examine what the most important things are to this person, and represents their most pressing concerns, and what is most important to them at this time. // this card showed itself as the page of fire. someone who worries very easily and does everything they can to be ready in case of an unforeseen adventure. (which is where is secret comes in. his secret is that he was involved in a car accident and ran from the scene instead of trying to help the person he hit. and now he has no idea if they lived or died)

7. Public Face: This card is the public aspect of one’s identity; this is how others perceive this person, and how their environment (including other people) affects them and notices them. This card represents how they want others to see them as well. // and as for this card, i got the the 9 of fire. which presents itself as someone calm and collected. which, of course he has to be. someone who can easily hide from the chaos within.

8. Private Face: This card represents the concept of self-identity and self-image, and shows how a person really thinks of themselves. This might line up with one’s public face, but often is at least slightly different.This card shows how this person really feels about himself, and what they think their own identity is. // and of course, for this i got the 6 of water. this is his anxiety. things he’s hidden down is slowly building and well ... drowning him. and all he wants is to go back to an easier time in life. there’s no telling when this will either come out by the gossip blog or by him.

9. Public Desire/fears: This card represents what one says they want; it is the stated hopes and fears of a person. This is what the person wants others to think they want and what they want others to think they are afraid of; this card represents those desires made public. // for this card i got the ace of earth. which translates into wanting the security of not living in fear of his past. so he trys to make it up by being overly humbled and overly giving. but, what he doesn’t realize is that karma doesn’t work that way.

10. Private Desires/fears: This card represents one’s true hopes and fears; their heart’s desire or their deepest, secret fear. These are the desires that people keep repressed and hidden – sometimes even from themselves – for various reasons. These are the inner passions and repressed terrors that often motivate people’s actions unconsciously. // lastly, i got the 10 of water. at this point all he wants is some kind of relief. and who knows how he’ll try to achieve it. whether he copes with it well or not. i guess we’ll see. asking for help would mean admitting what he did and that’s his biggest fear.

so i truly hope this all gives you a huge insight with what he’s like to begin with. of course i’ll throw in some plot twists eventually, i just thought this was a cool way to start out-- just like with bex.

[shinneth]

Well in that case, let’s have 10-15 as well! It’s hard picking stuff that’s not already been revealed, you’ve done a hell of a job building the GA universe.

Hahaha, very good point! I have exploited the hell out of them. And I anticipate future exploitation will follow! And thankfully, these questions are much, much trickier to answer. So between this and the wrestling-watching commitments, this took me more than a day to compile~! But that’s a good thing since it was ultimately thought-provoking and I may or may not have stumbled upon a concept or two to utilize somewhere down the line.

10. What two songs, two books, and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

(my literal-minded self is assuming this is one item each; it’s also the crueler of the two interpretations, which is fitting)

At first I thought I’d have to force my mindset away from GAverse since this kind of set-up wouldn’t naturally happen unless Steven and Peridot really wanted to challenge themselves... then the movie happened and now there’s actually a very convenient way this could happen without GA Peridot trivializing this!

(of course, I’m uncultured trash, so the music and books make this the most challenging bit...) 

Peridot is bringing her goddamn tablet, of course. Even without wifi, she can at least continue logging events the old-fashioned way... and this is one damn scenario where a daily log would be useful. At least until the battery runs out on that. Though I wouldn’t put it past Peridot to find a way to create a stable power source for that sucker. Making a lifeline for her tech would be Peridot’s #1 priority that isn’t related to keeping Steven safe and sound. :P She could also manipulate the metal in it to access hard-to-reach resources, if at a limited capacity. 

I see Steven bringing an instrument, namely that damned ukulele. Simple mind, simple needs, and of course he’ll just see this scenario as an opportunity to actually teach Peridot some proper music lessons.

Music and books are where it really gets tricky. For books, Peridot’s getting something practical. So of course she’ll bring Lord of the Flies and claim that’s her guidebook to survival on a desert island. Steven is more for sentiment and bring that Sailor Moon manga we’ve seen him keep around in his room. Sailor Moon (the manga especially) is full of romance, so that suits his priorities perfectly, lol. 

Similar case can be said for music: Steven will opt for a nice, mood-setting romantic song while Peridot brings the most loudest and obnoxious music known to her. Because logically, music like that stands the greatest chance in drawing outside attention so they’ll be rescued! 

Peridot might be more lax about the ordeal if there’s steady food and water for Steven to survive off of; otherwise I see her largely panicking about being stranded in an environment where resources Steven needs to live on are finite.

(I’ll admit, I got the idea of Peridot and Steven doing a duet of this song (which I bet would sound way better with their VAs) while in this situation...)

11. What do they hide from one another?

Now it’s GA Steven’s turn to trivialize the scenario! It’s officially nigh-on impossible for Peridot to hide one goddamned thing from Steven from GA3 onward... not that Peridot was ever that good at hiding shit from Steven to begin with.

In fact, a certain Post-GA story proved the only things Peridot truly can hide from Steven are secrets even she isn’t aware of, such as how exactly she first met Jasper and Lapis. The only reason Peridot was good at keeping that hidden from Steven was due to it being so traumatic that she made herself forget it in order to live with herself and move forward. So really, memories like that are the only things GA Peridot can hide from Steven at this point. There might still be a repressed memory or two, but overall she’s nearly out of stuff she could realistically withhold. 

Outside GA, I feel like Homeworld has always been far more awful than it’s been made out to be, and Peridot would be the one who best knows just how awful life there can be. So if she’s hiding anything from Steven and has any prayer of keeping it that way long-term, it’s going to be the hell she used to have in her former life, or possibly the things she had to do to survive in said life. Of course she’ll still go out of her way to hide her insecurities and inferiority complex from Steven, but it’s practically a guarantee she won’t be able to keep that hidden for long. 

Steven... is only slightly better about this. The fact that both suck at lying and maintaining a poker face, as brought up last time, really shoots him in the foot here. So I think I can answer for GA and regular headcanon in one go with him: anything related to Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz that Peridot hasn’t already learned about is probably gonna be stuff Steven keeps to himself about. He values Peridot so much as one of the only gems that has virtually no bias one way or the other about his mom, so the last thing Steven wants to do is fill Peridot’s head with the same “propaganda”, so to speak, that he and the rest of his friends have had drilled in their own heads for most of their lives.

Additionally more for GA, I think Steven possibly has more commentary about Peridot’s past life that he hasn’t already shared with her... but he’s going out of his way not to dredge up those old times. Especially when the Homeworld refugees will already be doing that for him on a daily basis (which logically would be why Steven would still be thinking about those times at all). After all the dirty laundry Steven has aired out in Peridot’s presence, I think he’d be keen on keeping anything still unsaid about their pasts/origins/heritage to himself solely for his girlfriend’s benefit. After all, Peridot being a uniquely fucked-up gem is still a pretty new concept that she’s still trying to adjust to. So Spinel’s gonna be a fun little addition to their lives in more ways than one!

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Hm, tricky to answer for GA, since it feels like they’re already at the “serious” phase of the relationship in these Post-GA stories. Realistically, though, Steven and Peridot are gonna have their hands full being the Era 3 centerpieces and have very limited time for dating or other romantic shenanigans. 

Plus, the workload stressed these two out to the point that within 3 or 4 months in, they already tried going all the way despite both of them knowing they were being morons for resorting to that this soon. And consequently, as my most recent story confirms, they fucked up not only their first time, but also their reputation among their circle of friends... which consequently gave the two even less time to be together. 

Taking that into consideration, it’s probably safe to say Steven and Peridot won’t even have the time to officially keep their relationship a steady one until Era 3 stabilizes. That said, by the following year when Steven turns 17, they should officially be in the “serious” phase considering they’ll be ready to really go all the way. And the first change made when it gets serious is either going to be a demand to the Crystal Gems to give them daily private time - or even better - Steven and Peridot get their own shared bedroom. I actually like that one more.

Otherwise, GAverse aside, I think the change that signifies Steven and Peridot getting serious... hmm. I kinda like the concept that they independently get the idea to propose taking their relationship to the next level and surprise each other when they unknowingly spring that announcement at the same time, having made each other a trinket of some kind for each other to mark the occasion. Then like dorks, they’ll announce this to the rest of the Crystal Gems and they’ll be like “uh yeah we saw this coming a mile away, dumbasses, congrats”. 

I also like the idea of Peridot being more self-conscious of her appearance when the relationship becomes more serious, which makes her a little obsessive and experimental with things like outfits, accessories... and god forbid, make-up. Of course, Steven won’t care about any of that... but that won’t make Peridot any less determined to look the part of a serious girlfriend!

13. When do they realize they should get together?

Definitely already a done deal in the GAverse as of Act III, Chapter 5. Had events played out differently, they would’ve officially been an item since the end of Act I. However, Steven coming back for Peridot even after she had given up hope of ever being rescued and being the one to fix her mind after White Diamond fucked it up royally - not to mention accepting her identity as Chartreuse, not giving a damn that she’s an abomination of scientific fuckery, or even that Peridot betrayed her friends (largely against her will, granted) - that makes for a more poignant moment when Steven tells Peridot that even after all the fuck-ups she’s made in Act III, that he still considers them boyfriend-girlfriend, and so should she.

So, thinking out of the box is trickier since we still have only a bare-bones grasp of what all’s happened in the time gap between seasons. Honestly, the most logical time for them to realize they should hook up should’ve been when Connie shunned Steven while Lapis abandoned Peridot. At the very least, any episode post-Raising the Barn should’ve been a golden opportunity for Steven and Peridot to realize how much they really love each other. 

And since the movie was annoyingly heavy-handed with the Connvese teases with virtually no Stevidot interaction while season 6 as a whole is a still giant ? ... then it’s a matter of blindly grasping at straws to think when else they should hook up. We know they’re due for a bonding moment at some point in season 6, though. Hopefully it’s not about Lapis, but if it isn’t, I suspect it might have involve fusion... and I still like the headcanon of Peridot only being able to fuse with Steven due to being an Era 2. Not just an Era 2, but a type of gem that logically should never have a reason to fuse since peridots are not meant to fight. Their limb enhancers give them a means for self-defense, but that’s it. But some exclusivity with the fusion - plus Steven being the one to reassure Peridot that she’s not inadequate as a teammate (I imagine even in 2 years, she’s likely to be the weakest Crystal Gem). 

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

Welp! I guess for gems I’ll have to think of some kind of equivalent (I guess chipped/cracked/destabilized/corrupted... ooooor what’s expected of Peridot to deal with once she’s got buns in her oven?), but for Steven having the cold...

Well, whether it’s GA Peridot or Not-GA Peridot, they’ll behave similarly but one will have a much wider range of capabilities than the other. Not that this really means much for GA Peri in this field, since she has no real comprehension of what a human illness is like and therefore can’t just will Steven’s illness away. In both cases, Peridot would first seek help from the likes of Pearl, Greg, or Connie. If Peridot’s left to deal with this solely on her own, however, she’ll probably give Steven a thorough interview of every single little symptom he has, then use Google-Fu to get instructions that she’ll follow to the goddamn letter.

Hopefully she doesn’t come across an instruction worded in a way that she’ll interpret it in some other way entirely because she doesn’t understand the phrasing, because that could lead to chaos easily. 

In the meantime, she’d ask Steven like every other minute if he needs something unless he’s asleep. And since Peridot has no innate understanding of this phenomenon, she’ll relentlessly study Steven’s mannerisms, symptoms, and actions until she feels she’s achieved enlightenment. That, or Steven gets annoyed and tells her to cut it out... though she may argue she’s constantly staring at Steven like a creeper for educational purposes. 

She won’t leave his side regardless, though, and since she’s not at risk of catching his cold, Peridot’s of course going to snuggle with him all the same and volunteer to be his supplementary cushioning. 

If Peridot is ailing... depending on what it is, Steven will similarly ask Pearl and probably Garnet before doing anything on his own if they’re available to him. Google’s not gonna give him the info he needs, of course, so Steven’s got a bit of a tougher job in keeping Peri healthy. Then again, Steven’s a motherfucking healing saint, so whether he’s GAverse or not, Steven could easily trivialize this since he’s basically the show’s white mage. GA Steven will have the advantage of being able to read exactly how Peridot is feeling, so he won’t need to interrogate her to figure out the source of her pain/discomfort/illness. 

Of course, neither Steven would just observe her like a weirdo (like his girlfriend would, basically); he’d be right there for hugs and cuddles and wouldn’t dare leave Peridot’s side unless he really needs to use the bathroom. But even then he’d feel so guilty leaving her alone for even a second, so he’d rush it. 

Steven might even be corny enough to try chicken soup on Peridot. And of course if there’s buns in the oven, Steven will treat Preggerdot like absolute fucking royalty.

Bonus: Accurate video representation of how Steven and Peridot will interact when she’s in labor

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

Something with good physical comedy; that way Peridot is more likely to get some entertainment out of it on a first viewing without having to ask Steven what the joke is while he explains it. 

For some reason, I was thinking Liar Liar.

Since Peridot and Steven are so painfully transparent when they try to lie, they’ll feel much better about themselves watching something like this! 

As for final vote, I think Steven would be the gentleman and let Peridot have the final vote. Peridot would likely think at least on some occasions that the final vote should go to Steven since he knows movies in general way better than she does (and therefore would have better overall judgment in what to pick), but Steven would just insist that he’s letting Peridot choose because since he trusts her instincts, she should, too. 

There’s always a coin toss if they end up in a stalemate. :P And this would apply both for regular canon and GAverse.

Much more challenging round this time! Love it! I’ll always invite more questions, though at this point I may need to find some more memes to reblog, fff... here’s the meme if anyone still wants to snag questions from it and ask me from here!

Feel free to pass this headcanon BS to your fellow Stevidot peoples! There’s no such thing as too much content for this blessed ship.