#how they are wrong for feeling hurt because the perpetrator was ‘good’ or ‘traumatized’ or ‘didn’t know better’?

[longing-for-rain]

I think it’s funny how people point to the existence of female kataang stans as proof that kataang isn’t written for the male gaze when every female kataang stan I’ve interacted with has said something to the effect of “but he’s so nice, he wouldn’t have done something like that” to dismiss his blatant violation of Katara’s boundaries on screen. It is unfortunately not uncommon for women to flock to the defense of male interests.

[theheirofthesharingan]

I just found your blog recently, I hope you don't mind that I've been crawling through and liking so many posts. I've always loved Sasuke and never minded Itachi, he was a good villain but it may be saying something that his crimes (while not insignificant) are only rated so highly (from my pov) because he did it all in one night. There are plenty of ninja who did far more heinous things for worse reasons (Orochimaru is a far worse person let alone dangerous villain), so while the big reveal of the plot around Itachi's betrayal was somewhat surprising, it was not exactly "shocking" so much as it felt like it recontectualized things.

I don't really think it makes sense for ss fans to even bring up that "S*kura would never put Sasuke through what Itachi did" considering she was never and would never be in a position to act as Itachi did... but very few ship vs ship arguments are made with "good sense" in mind. (I actually liked her genin arc, she changed from her rather damaging pushy behavior to taking ownership of her own emotions but that then backslid during shippuden... making her once again pushing her own agenda without anyone's input)

I just found your blog recently, I hope you don't mind that I've been crawling through and liking so many posts.

I don't mind that at all. Don't worry about it.

I've always loved Sasuke and never minded Itachi, he was a good villain but it may be saying something that his crimes (while not insignificant) are only rated so highly (from my pov) because he did it all in one night.

I believe it's true but it's also a dreadfully one-dimensional way to look at the situation when a myriad of information is later provided to give context to the whole thing. He's introduced as a cold-blooded killer with zero redeeming qualities, which after the reveal turns out to be more nuanced and layered than we earlier thought. While his actions are still unforgivable, there's so much more to it. So, sticking to what he's shown as initially and refusing to acknowledge anything and everything that follows afterwards isn't how you assess a character or a piece of media in general. It's just looking at his actions and motivations on the face value and refusing to take a deeper look like a petulant child.

There are plenty of ninja who did far more heinous things for worse reasons (Orochimaru is a far worse person let alone dangerous villain), so while the big reveal of the plot around Itachi's betrayal was somewhat surprising, it was not exactly "shocking" so much as it felt like it recontectualized things.

I would not be comparing Itachi with the likes of Orochimaru who was evil and never showed an ounce of remorse.

He did this. This is creepy as hell. Itachi would never, ever do this.

Now, Itachi's crimes are horrible but there's more to them than just "he followed the orders and killed his clan" and "he traumatized his little brother." People tend to downplay his trauma because he isn't a perfect victim and his reaction to the life he lived deeply affects Sasuke. He's only seen as a perpetrator, when, in truth, he's a perpetrator because he's a victim first. There are lot of things he had to learn and acknowledge, but he never rationalized his crimes.

Among his many objectives to die at Sasuke's hands one was that he wanted to be punished for his crimes by the person he'd hurt and wronged the most, because of all things, Sasuke didn't deserve to go through any of what he did.

The guilt he lived with would have been colossal because forcefully prolonging the life so he could be punished for his crimes that weren't even entirely his own fault is a big deal. This is why he's so well received among the audience as well. He doesn't feel entitled to being treated right or with respect. He doesn't think he's worthy of forgiveness or deserves justice.

During his fight against Kabuto, his interaction with Sasuke is also quite interesting. He keeps telling Sasuke and Kabuto both he's not worthy of the praises they shower on him. And he actively avoids looking into Sasuke's eyes.

There are moments he looks in Sasuke's direction, but mostly he avoids looking at him. This is just one example. It's the body language of someone who's heavily guilt-ridden, someone who feels disgusted with himself especially the way he asks both Kabuto and Sasuke to not see him as a good guy.

I don't really think it makes sense for ss fans to even bring up that...

Oh, obviously. She was never placed in the circumstances where she had to make hard choices keeping someone else in mind. Not just that, Itachi did what he did because he wanted to keep Sasuke alive, because the life he'd lived showed him death was the worst thing to happen, so he wanted to protect the person he loved the most from this. When it came to her, though, instead of learning his reasoning, she jumped to the conclusion that Sasuke needed to die. She wanted to do this to "save him from the darkness." Funny, because he was the same boy who'd sacrificed himself to save Naruto's life not too long ago. Who'd wanted to save her life at any cost from Gaara. Who had killed Orochimaru and Itachi - the most dangerous criminals. He'd also freed Orochimaru's prisoners. Considering Konoha was following his trail, the news of this would have reached Konoha too. Despite this, her first response to learning Sasuke falling into darkness was that he should be killed.

I actually liked her genin arc..

Same. I liked those bits. And she was brilliant in Pain arc as well when she saved lives of the wounded Shinobi and civilians, and also during the war arc. But she should have moved on from the person who'd done nothing but brutally humiliate her, reject her. It's not even a character flaw, it's just... Idk what it is.

[thewhumpcaretaker]

Do you perhaps have Adjudicator headcanons⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️🙏🙏🙏🙏

I do!!! Thank you so much for asking 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

A lot of these are from my character sheet for them, but there are also a few new ones. Most of them relate to personality rather than specific events. Idk, I just like who Jude is!

ASPD and autistic. Very fascinated by punishment, in an analytic way. They're interested in its effects on the body, on social systems, and on power.

Jude strikes me as really confident and just enjoying life. They actually aren't super traumatized like the rest of the High Table. They had a supportive family (although they were a crime family), and it was their own choice to pursue a career with the Table. Their...ahem...unusually violent outlook is more nature and less nurture, and they happily own it.

If they are UNhappy, it's probably because things aren't going according to plan. Chaos is super stressful for them. Or if they think they've done something out-of-line themselves, that's upsetting to them (but that's rare).

If they do think they did something wrong, they're really good at apologies. They will genuinely try to make things right.

They're also generally just a curious person, willing to listen to someone talk about niche interests for hours because they enjoy learning new things. ...And curious about gossip and social dynamics, too.

And they're curious about how other people think and feel. That's what the "Empathy" tattoo on their neck is all about - they study others' emotions, partly out of curiosity, partly to benefit friendships, and partly to understand how best to hurt people! ^_^

They earned the respect of the former Adjudicator by helping solve a crime perpetrated by their best friend. They're loyal to friends...until they step out of line. After that, law and order comes first. This impartiality impressed the High Table.

They always had some animosity towards Winston, even before the events of the third film. Winston is just too willing to go against the rules to favor his own interests or people he likes. So they have a minor rivalry going on.

They read Sherlock Holmes and other mystery stories as a kid and became intrigued by detective work. They know lots of random forensics facts.

They listen to true crime podcasts.

They've definitely read Foucault.

They collect interlocking burr puzzles and sometimes play with them while thinking (google it if you aren't familiar, they look really cool).

They love the rain and love to be cozy.

Asexual domination and leather all the way!!! (Aroace of course)

[lightningonatether]

Does Sam’s opinion of Dream start to change?

I'm gonna give a bit of a long answer on Sam's shifting feelings towards dream. sam is definitely traumatized by the prison. he Is affected by it. perpetrator trauma is a thing and he's got so so much of it. to me the many many times he's doubled down on his worldview and the extremes he's gone to to convince himself he was right all along indicates that he can't allow himself to think too hard about what he actually did. if he was right, he doesn't have to think about it. dream deserved it, simple as. but as plushie, especially post reveal plushie, he has no power over dream to reinforce that worldview. and that's really fucking hard. because he's no longer playing a role in which his ideas are constantly reaffirmed, persuading himself is much harder. especially since he's seeing dream just. act like a guy. sure, he and punz constantly discuss things that make sams skin crawl, and dream spends an hour considering cutting Sam open to see if he's missing some vital creeper organ, and that helps PLENTY with persuading Sam he was right. but he also sees dream just. goof off with punz. make shitty grilled cheese sandwiches. kick punz out of the lab so he can sit down and dip bandage after bandage in lingering regen potions to wrap around his most painful scars. he sees dream cry about his bad leg, and sam gets taken care of. dream gives good pets and with animals his touch is gentle. dreams multidimensional. he's not purely evil, because something purely evil wouldn't hypothesize about what creepers might like for comfort just to keep Sam from panicking in his cell. and if dreams not purely evil... then is what Sam did... even justifiable? no, what is he thinking of course it was- only dreams trying to feed him another treat and Sam's stomach turns.

if he does let himself feel any guilt at all, it would be crushing. it would literally be too much. he can't feel it without sacrificing his last shreds of sanity. I think, if his perspective on dream starts to change, to cope with that, his whole personality would have to flip. think about it. he built himself around the person of the warden, and the wardens relationship to the prisoner. if what he defined himself by was wrong, then he was wrong, a bad person. and he's always been a good person. always. which means- he either has to keep denying that he was wrong. or find a way to be right again in these new circumstances. there are a few limiting factors to what he even Can be. namely, he can't hurt dream or punz, he can't try to escape, he can't be the warden ever again. he has to assume his proper role in this new dynamic. maybe as someone who's... repented? saved? who would never be wrong again. he hates how it feels to be a bad person. he Needs to be a good one. in what ways can he be right and good now? what could he possibly do to make sure he stays that way? this will take him a while to figure out, but I feel like, when he does come to a conclusion, whatever it might be, he'll throw himself head first into building that new person of himself.

[rollercoasterwords]

“When he was seventeen, Sirius had the dark mark branded into his arm. Came back to Hogwarts after winter hols with his skin still stinging, still raw red. An honour—an honour, to be chosen so young. And a coincidence, surely, that only three months before his parents had caught him with the gardener’s son, confirming all their worst fears about their beloved heir. All the things people had been whispering, already, when he grew his hair too long or talked the wrong way or walked the wrong way or stood the wrong way—all the signs that Sirius didn’t understand, didn’t know how to hide, couldn’t figure out how everyone else had looked at him and decided things that he didn’t even understand for himself.

“They’ll make a man of you,” his father said, gruffly, staring down at the fresh wound on his son’s arm.

And they did.

They did.”

your interpretation of sirius makes me insane!!!!! it broke my heart oh my god!!!! i love sirius and your version of sirius always amazes me.

like,,,, i just love those insights into what is going on inside this selfish horrible little man and then getting sad about it lmao. since it almost doesn’t change anything, he still did it all, but i just think you show perfectly how he’s really stuck in this cycle, where it always starts with something like this, where he is a victim, and you do feel really bad for him, but then he always does something very Sirius and makes it someone else’s problem, not really stopping to think about his place in anything, or how he’s really affecting people beyond just guilt that he ignores. and you get annoyed because yeah he’s a prick but he can do better and he just isn’t

only this time he doesn’t get to just write himself off as unsalvageable, he has to stop being all “woe is me” and actually help people

(which is better for sirius’s health, or soul or whatever too)

i just love the complexity you add to these characters and the conflicts of interest like you’re so thoughtful about it and you make it so real!!

lol this was so incomprehensible but i just wanted to stop by and say your writing is brilliant!! <33

thank u!!! i love ur analysis lol i feel like ur picking up what i'm putting down etc.

like. yeah what i'm going for with sirius as a character is to show how anyone raised in a violent system [capitalism, fascism, etc] will be harmed by that system, and oftentimes there are very understandable ways in which we can see that harm and sympathize with a person who's been victimized by such violence. at the same time, being harmed by a system does not necessarily prevent someone from then becoming complicit or even actively supporting + benefiting from that system, and the fact that they, too, have been hurt by the system they're perpetuating does not change the material impact of their actions.

i think there's a frustrating tendency to try and label people as unequivocally 'good' or 'bad' in such a way that u can only have sympathy for good people, and never for bad people. and i don't think this is useful because the fact of the matter is there are plenty of 'bad' people who do harmful things and yet have been traumatized in ways we might be very sympathetic towards, and i think it's important to recognize that inherent humanity if we want to actually take effective steps to mitigate harm. like, the victim/perpetrator binary is not a useful political tool imo, and my goal with sirius as a character in this fic is to upset that binary. i specifically wanted to try writing a character who does horrible things that a reader cannot deny are horrible and yet at the same time the reader cannot help but sympathize with him to a certain extent, because that tension between sympathy and condemnation is something that we often need to navigate irl

[gch1995]

Qui-Gonn: Allows for Anakin’s mother to remain in slavery on Tattooine

Yoda and Jedi Council: Tell Anakin that they don’t trust him from day one because he dares to be a normal kid by missing his mom they separated him from and left in slavery, only to refuse to let him keep in touch with her.

Yoda: Repeatedly warns his members that “Fear leads to the dark side.”

Also Yoda: Regularly enables, encourages, enforces, and implements acts, crimes, decisions, politicians, policies, and practices that he knows are corrupt, dangerous, dishonest, invalidating, hurtful, oppressive, and unfair within his Order and the Republic to maintain and obtain control, security, and “peace” because he is too afraid to face the unknown by taking a risk to stand up for what’s right instead. He then covers this up by telling himself and his recruits that the horrible things they enabled and/or perpetrated were “for the greater good” because he’s too much of an arrogant coward to admit that he deliberately didn’t practice what he preached.

Jedi Council and Obi Wan: Constantly gaslight and shame Anakin as “dangerous” for having completely normal and valid human feelings of anger, concern for loved ones, desires, and fears. Restrict his ability to develop any sort independence and personal life outside of just the Jedi Order. Warn him against developing any close and meaningful personal relationships altogether because they’re “dangerous.”

Jedi Council and Obi Wan Kenobi: Use the whole “chosen one destined to destroy the Sith” prophecy he’s been foretold to fulfill by Qui-Gonn Jinn as a sword to hold above Anakin’s head to guilt trip him into staying with them after being knighted and/or to shame him for not fulfilling his potential repeatedly, particularly throughout the clone wars because he’s such a useful powerful weapon for their own benefits, even though they can all tell that he wants to pull away from the Jedi Order and go his own way because he felt it was too chaotic, isolating, and toxic of an environment for him to be able to handle emotionally.

Jedi Council and Obi Wan: Teach Anakin there’s no way back to the light after a Jedi goes dark and teach him to defer his moral integrity “for the greater good” of their cause, even if he knows it’s technically morally wrong.

Obi-Wan, Mace-Windu, Yoda, and rest of Jedi Council: Allow for a 9-12 year old Anakin to speak unsupervised to Chancellor Palpatine when he threatens to ruin their public reputation and take away their power in the government if they say no since he has power over them as Chancellor of the Senate.

Yoda, Obi-Wan, and Jedi Council: Tell Anakin to either be happy about the deaths of loved ones, to get over them being in potential danger, and/or do nothing to help potentially prevent it whenever he tries to ask them for advice about how to deal with fear.

Obi Wan and Jedi Council: Expect for Anakin to follow their code, and put him on a leash. However, they break their own code whenever it suits them, particularly throughout the war, but still claim to be “peacekeepers of the galaxy.”

Yoda and Jedi Council: Give Anakin big responsibilities in the clone wars as a general of an army, and give him a padawan, even when he tries to tell them he’s not feeling ready for those responsibilities.

Yoda: Deliberately insists on giving Anakin a padawan to train, even when he tried to say he was not ready, precisely because he wanted for Anakin to grow attached to her, so that he could use that attachment he developed for Ahsoka against him as a ��test” of the young Jedi knight’s ability to let go of attachments he makes. As soon as Anakin and Ahsoka grow to genuinely love each other, Yoda decides to implement this test of Anakin’s ability to let go of attachments by deliberately making a decision to put Anakin’s 14 year old padawan in the front line of their army in battles when she’s still in training.

Obi-Wan and Jedi Council: Decide to emotionally/psychologically traumatize a 21 year old Anakin by faking Obi Wan’s death for a mission because “he can’t be trusted since he’s too emotional.”

Yoda: Enables the incredibly unethical human genetic cloning and usage of soldiers when Palpatine commissions him an army of them for the soldiers of his organization to use to go to war because he is too much of a coward to risk his organization’s public reputation and security within an elite Republic to do the right thing.

Yoda, Jedi Council, and Obi-Wan: Expect for Anakin to help out the slaver Jabba on his home planet in the outer rims to preserve their position when he tries to say doing it would make him feel uncomfortable, considering the fact that he used to be a slave there, which they know about. Yet, they still make him do it, even though they claim to stand “for democracy.”

Jedi Council, Yoda, and Obi-Wan: Almost execute Anakin’s padawan Ahsoka, who they knew Anakin grew attached to, by prosecuting her for a crime they’re not sure she committed with flimsy and lackluster evidence, and then exile her.

Jedi Council: Refuse to let Anakin have a seat on the Council as master in Revenge of the Sith because he’s suddenly “too unstable and untrustworthy,” even though they allowed for him to speak alone to Palpatine when he was a child under their care, and were completely okay with knighting him, pressuring him to be general of their army, and pressuring him to have a padawan in the clone wars not long before.

Yoda and rest of Jedi Council: In spite of their earlier dismissal of Anakin’s request for a seat on the Council because he was “too untrustworthy” and too close to the Chancellor they let him speak to alone for their own benefits from the time he was a child under their care, they ultimately decide to let Anakin have a seat on the Council in Revenge of the Sith, but only because they realize they can use Anakin’s relationship with Palpatine as a tool to spy on the Chancellor to find out if their suspicions about him being a Sith Lord are correct and arrest him without the rest of the Senate’s consent or knowledge because they don’t trust them.

Obi-Wan: Acts as the Jedi Council’s messenger to Anakin after they decide to let him on the Council without the rank of master, so they can use him as a mole to commit treason against Palpatine upon their suspicions of him being shady, even though he knows it is an illegal and risky mission.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Obnoxiously accuses Anakin of using his friendship with the Chancellor to get a seat as master on the Council with no evidence that he has done so at all. Obi-Wan Kenobi wasn’t in the room with Palpatine and Anakin when they were talking, so he wouldn’t know if Anakin actually asked for a seat on the Council in Revenge of the Sith. Even if Anakin really had asked for a seat on the Council, though, Obi-Wan still wouldn’t have any right to be upset that Anakin got close to the Chancellor because he was his primary caretaker, who allowed for them to develop that friendship in the first place for his and the Council’s own benefits when he was a child under their care, in spite of their growing suspicions in regards to Palpatine.

Anakin: Makes the bad decision of agreeing to accept the Council’s request to spy on Palpatine, so they can ultimately arrest him because he’s been getting taught to see the Jedi as “good guys” his whole life, and he feels too pressured to stay to please and protect those he cares about.

Mace Windu: Blatantly undermines Anakin’s intelligence, loyalty, and trustworthiness after he comes to him to tell him that Palpatine is a dark side user/Sith Lord after gaining intel for the Council to apprehend him by saying “If you’re right about him being the Sith Lord, I just

Palpatine: Grooming Anakin for the dark side, but Anakin doesn’t know that until the third act of RotS, so, it really just seems like the Palpatine is the only one who consistently treats him kindly next to every other adult he was raised by in the Jedi Order. Executes Order 66.

Anakin: Has a mental breakdown at 23. He turns to the dark side because he knows the Jedi Order is now inevitably doomed either way he chooses between Mace-Windu and Palpatine, and because he wants to protect himself and his family, which Palpatine promises him. Gets renamed Darth Vader by Sidious.

Yoda: Immediately decides to give Obi-Wan the task to apprehend and execute Anakin for his crimes against the Jedi Order without any further questions.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Goes about apprehending Anakin for his crimes against the Order very badly. Yes, Anakin needed to be stopped and punished for his crimes. However, just like Yoda, he never thinks to reflect on just how fucked up the Jedi Order was as a system in its methods. He never thinks to ask Anakin why he chose to turn to the dark side in the first place. He hides on Padme’s ship, even after she tells Obi-Wan that she wants to go speak to her husband alone, so that he can find Anakin to execute him for Yoda. He willingly puts her life at risk as bait with an unhinged Anakin by making his presence known and intentions to execute him explicitly clear right when Padme tells him she can’t be with him when he’s being like this.

No, Anakin is not an innocent for recklessly endangering her life by strangling her in a blind paranoid rage either. While the move didn’t ultimately kill her in and of itself, it could have, and it did contribute to her ultimate demise in Revenge of the Sith. He does hold partial responsibility for doing that to her. However, Obi-Wan also knew that Anakin’s anger, paranoia, and self-control were going to be much more easily triggered on the high of the dark side for the first time. He could overhear the entire conversation that he was having with Padme when she was telling him she loved him, but couldn’t be with him. He knew that Anakin felt worried that they were having an affair and/or plotting against him at the back of his mind because he and Padme kept meeting up with each other alone when he wasn’t around without telling him everything. He overheard Anakin say “Because of Obi-Wan” when she refused to follow him after he had committed crimes against the Jedi Order and Republic. Then, right after she says “no,” Obi-Wan decides to make his presence on her ship known to Anakin in a manner that makes his intention to execute him blatantly obvious. It was only then that Anakin grabbed Padme’s throat in a blind rage with the force.

Sure, Anakin was being completely in-denial and irrational at this point. Padme wasn’t wrong to not want to have anything to do with him after he committed crimes against the Order and Republic, and started talking to her about wanting to rule the galaxy with her. However, he still hadn’t laid a hand on Padme, even when he was feeling angry with her for refusing to follow him. It was only when Obi-Wan made his presence known from her ship with blatant hostility.

Obi-Wan Kenobi-Actually manages to convince Anakin to drop Padme from the reckless force choke before he can kill her.

Anakin: Actually comes down from his high on the dark side in his rage enough to give Obi-Wan an opportunity to not fight him to the death in a duel on Mustafar after he’s convinced to let go of Padme.

Obi-Wan Kenobi- Still decides to pursue his execution of Anakin for Yoda in a duel on Mustafar, even after he gets Anakin down to a place where his former padawan let go of Padme and told him that he didn’r want to have to fight him.

Even after getting the upper hand over Anakin on Mustafar, Obi-Wam is too cowardly and low-key vindictive to just end his former friend’s suffering by killing him swiftly. Instead, he makes the decision to cut off all of Anakin’s organic limbs when he tries to make a jump to the high ground to catch up to Obi Wan over hot lava, let’s him catch on fire, rants at him as he screams in agony on fire, steals his lightsaber, and walks away.

Anakin: Survives the burn injuries with the aid of a life support suit that Palpatine crafts for him to make him his attack dog, enforcer of galactic enslavement, supreme military commander, and murder slave Darth Vader.

Obi-Wan and Yoda: Oh no! How did this happen? Where did we go wrong? It’s all just Palpatine’s, Anakin’s, Dooku’s, and the Sith’s fault the galaxy is fucked up! Our system could never be wrong! The only things we ever did wrong were in trusting Palpatine with power in the Senate, and we were too “soft” on our recruits! We taught healthy coping, relationship, and social skills by pretending emotions and individuality didn’t exist at all and denying them all right? The methods we used to recruit, train, and “protect” the Jedi to keep them “pure” weren’t at all so deeply abusive, confusing, controlling, invalidating, isolating, and restrictive that they could have created such deeply-seeded emotional/psychological trauma in Anakin and these other force-sensitive kids we took in to irrevocably scar them for life, right? The choices we made, the code we preached, and the laws and system we enforced and implemented weren’t at all that traumatizing, right? We were good parents, supervisors, and teachers, right?

In fact, we were too good of parents to Anakin and Dooku. That’s really be why Anakin and Dooku went dark…We were too nice to them. We should have been harder on them with the rules and our system.

Let’s sit in hiding together for the next two decades while our former “chosen one” helps terrorize the galaxy with Sidious, so that we can attempt to train his innocent son as a weapon to destroy the monster we inadvertently helped turn his father into all those years ago. It’s all “for the greater good,” and not at all an attempt to try to absolve ourselves of our own mistakes with Anakin, the Jedi Order, and the rise of the Empire because we are too afraid to face them and take responsibility for them. It’s totally the right thing to do!

Stop judging us and asking questions, Luke! Just do as we say! Don’t be emotional like your dad was! Don’t go save your friends when their lives are in danger because “attachments lead to the dark side.” Training you to be a weapon to clean up the mess we helped create with your dad and the Empire before you were born twenty years ago is more important!

Luke, Anakin, Ahsoka, Palpatine, Dooku, and many of us in the audience watching: *Facepalms and sighs in annoyance*

[gentil-minou]

We need to stop using the term "sentimonsters"

Okay so for starters, if you're here and you want to tell me not to take this show or idea so seriously I'd ask if you respectfully ignore this post and go on with your day. This isn't for you, and that's cool. Consume your media the way you like, this is how I like to enjoy it.

The gist of this post is that words are powerful, but names are mightier than all else. So I want to explain why I think we, as a fandom, might want to consider not using the word sentimonster when we refer to them, especially as the sentiadrien, sentifelix, etc theories gain more traction and evidence.

One of the arguments I’ve seen people talk about why they dislike the theory is that it seems to make Adrien a character who isn’t human, who is considered other. I understand why this is a concern; it makes us feel uncomfortable and worried. Him not being human is worrying, because the term “sentimonster” makes us wonder, is he a monster?

To me, using the word "monster" contributes to the ostracization and sense of otherness that makes certain fans jump straight to the idea of invalidation and even some fear/anxiety. If we call something a monster, it instantly makes us less likely to root for them and actually prejudiced against them. It makes us, the third party bystander here, think there is something inherently wrong with them. As a result it makes it harder for us to sympathize with them, it makes us less likely to care. This is especially hard when we love Adrien so much.

Putting this under a read more, because the rest of the post is heavy and long. Trigger warnings for non-specific mention of homophobia and racism.

Think of Frankenstein's monster. The monster was not the villain, the doctor was (spoiler alert I guess). But people often forget that fact and go straight into depicting the monster as the villain when that is absolutely not the case. We were meant to empathize with the monster, but because of the colloquial meaning it’s harder for us to do it unless we really take the time to think about it.

In real world terms, we can compare the way people in-universe (and from what some people in the fandom seem to think) act towards sentis to discrimination that has been perpetuated in society, particularly against BIPOC or LGBTQ+. If we look at the power language holds over a group of people, we can see that it can, and has throughout history, created a derogatory narrative that makes people appear as "outsiders" or not part of the "true society".

Historically, many BIPOC members from around the world were even considered "inferior humans" or in some cases not worth considering as humans in the first place. Similar discrimination occurs in the LGBTQ+ community, often perpetrated by their own family. Both groups frequently suffer invalidation in a way that can cause them to doubt their place in the world, leading to extreme cases of depression or traumatic response. I will not name any derogatory or hateful terms but chances are if you are a member of the BIPOC or LGBTQ+ community you know exactly how devastating it can be when someone calls you this. The words have power, and while we are working to reclaim our words and language for ourselves before we can do that, we have to eliminate the hurt by respecting those who ask us to not use certain language that is derogatory.

Now, what does that have to do with sentimonsters?

Well first, we have to look at the original purpose of sentibeings. They were depicted as guardians, meant to provide protection. Or they were emotions made life, a source of positivity and goodness. We dont know too many details but we can infer that they were the good guys, no different from our heroes.

(Yes, their creation was perhaps different from what modern society views as "birth", but 100 years ago science would have scoffed at the notion of IVF. In reality, we are learning of more and more alternatives to real-world creation, so why can we not accept it as a proper form of creation in a world where literal superheroes and magic exist?)

The real issue is, as always, Gabriel Agreste. The first time Paris was exposed to miraculouses is through Gabe’s manipulation of them. His true crime as a villain was to not only wreak havoc on Paris but also to take something that was meant to do good and use them for evil. Although haven’t seen sentis or the butterfly heroes, we can infer that normally they provide hope and light and happiness and all sorts of positivity.

That was likely the idea of Adrien's birth, to do all of that and to be a force for good.

It isn’t him (or any senti for that matter) who is inhuman; he is actually incredibly human, as evidenced by his actions, emotions, and vulnerability.

The one who lost his humanity was Gabriel himself (and Nathalie, she bad news bears too).

By using sentis in this way, as a tool to create fear, he’s influenced Paris into seeing them as monsters. To the point where even the main protagonist calls them monsters. It’s not right, it’s very wrong, but it makes sense given what the characters on the show know about them and what the villains caused them to believe.

The reality is that sentis are not the monsters at all, and we should not treat them as such. They are just being treated that way through manipulation and abuse. The same way we see akumas as victims of mothman and not the villains themselves, we need to do the same for sentis.

For us as fandom, along with the characters in the show, the best way to overcome that ignorance is to learn from it and become more open-minded while seeing things from a different point of view. I don’t know if the show itself will go into this topic, as it’s not an easy one and has to be handled very sensitively, but I do know there will be a happy ending. If the sentiadrien theory turns out to be true then I have full faith the series will end with the senits being considered equal to everyone else, just like we strive for in our own society.

And before someone uses this to salt on the show’s writing or the characters for using the term, I want to say that given what stage the show is at it makes total sense that they use the term sentimonster. They are following the agenda of a madman because they do not know any better. And the wont until they have another voice to listen to, one that can speak on behalf of sentis with lived experience of what it means to be one. Who better to do than our favorite catboy hero?

We've already seen a start: in Ladybug where both our heroes show genuine pain and sadness over they loss of Sentibug. They're already changing their perspectives, and we need to too.

I only want to change the fandom’s perspectives of them so as to help us better accept the theory if it does turn out to be true, and that it may help those who still struggle with the idea that being a senti means Adrien is “other” or a “monster” when that isn’t true at all. It’s all about perceptions and misguided notions/ignorance, all of which can be unlearned.

In short: I'm proposing changing the term to "sentibeing" to end the "otherness" and demonization this fandom tends to do when discussing them, thereby enforcing the idea that "Even if he's a senti, Adrien is still the character I love."

[hotchley]

For your 500 thing: 4 from the angst list with Hotch and anyone else, platonically? I like the prompts you've chosen too. Very angsty haha

Hehe thank you! I chose Reid, because it worked so... yeah. This is not to be seen as me infantilising Reid or as H Crit because it's not. People say things they don't mean when they're hurting. There will come a time when Reid doesn't hesitate and Hotch forgives himself. It's just not written here.

It went over 1.5k... let's just ignore that. Umm... Set sometime between Nameless, Faceless and Haunted. There's no real comfort.

4: "shut up! please. just shut up."

Trigger Warnings: past child abuse, intrusive thoughts, references to canon-typical events and violence

read on ao3!

With hindsight, moving Spencer to the same hospital as Aaron was not the smartest idea the BAU had ever had. Not when traumatic and painful events caused them to react in opposite ways. When Spencer was hurt, he didn't stop talking, so terrified that if there was even the slightest indication that he was weak, everyone would leave. And when Aaron was hurt, he completely shut down, still scared that making his existence known would lead to hurt.

But at the time, they had only been thinking of Derek. He had been running himself ragged, trying to manage the BAU in Aaron's absence, and caring for both his teammates who were in different hospitals, because he was coincidentally, the only person that either of them would listen to.

Perhaps they were more alike than anyone gave them credit for.

So Spencer was moved into the same room as Aaron, because when the team came, they came to see both of them, and it was apparently good for the two patients to socialise with each other and try to maintain their bond. At least, that was what everyone said to them. In reality, it was just easier to only have to have certain conversations once. Especially the ones about Foyet.

Because even though both of them would be out of the field for a while, and had lost so much of the independence they prided themselves on, the situations were not the same and they never would be. Spencer had been shot in the leg trying and succeeding in saving a man, and the perpetrator had been arrested. He had gotten justice.

Aaron had been stabbed nine times in his home, the place he had a right to feel safe in, by a man so evil that there was no chance of ever reasoning with him. Foyet had gotten away, and he'd taken Haley and Jack with him. The only people Aaron seemed to live for, were gone. He hadn't gotten any sort of closure. Nobody seemed to understand that, because everyone kept saying him and Spencer could relate to each other. But they couldn't. And he was sick of hearing it.

But he tried to hide that bitterness. Spencer wouldn't have been shot if he had been there. He would have been the extra set of eyes needed to finish the letters, and they would've worked it out sooner. They would've all been fine, if he had done anything other than frozen when the bullet wedged itself in the wall beside his hair, close enough to make his ear ring painfully. His anger was irrational, and the result of trauma. Everyone else understood his emotions were all-consuming and overpowering, but he didn't. To him, the anger and resentment were just another sign he was becoming his father.

He wasn't. But he would never allow himself to believe that.

Spencer knew that his and Hotch's situations were different. That Hotch blamed himself for what had happened to Haley and to him. That Hotch was hiding how he truly felt, probably to protect him. That things were going to explode sooner rather than later. He just didn't know how much sooner than expected it would end up being.

Rossi had swung by in the morning, and that visit had set Aaron on edge. Rossi was trying to help, he was, but his method of doing it wasn't helpful. It never had been. Not for someone like Aaron, who needed something that was not his best friend telling him how the BAU had been fine without him. Or how the children seemed to be fine. Or how victims could recover.

When Rossi left, Reid took the crutches beside his bed and hobbled over to sit in the chair that he'd vacated. They had both been encouraged to try and be mobile without going beyond their limit. Only Spencer had listened.

"If you want him to stop talking, you can always tell him," he said gently.

Aaron turned away. "He's just trying to help."

"But he's not. I think we can all see it."

"Spencer, I don't know what you're trying to do but-"

"I don't care if you resent me. I care that you're lying."

"I'm not lying."

"Really? So if I asked you whether or not you resent me, you could look me in the eye and say you don't? If I asked you whether you blame yourself for my injury, you would say no, and mean it? If I asked you who was responsible for Haley and Jack going into WitSec, you would say Foyet? If I asked you how you feel, would you say hopeless and angry? Would you?" He snaps.

Aaron stares, and Spencer feels the heat rise to his cheeks. Hotch is still his superior.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line."

"No, it's- you're right. I am lying. But-" he swallows, unused to being so vulnerable, especially with someone like Spencer, "I have to. Lie that is. I can't be honest. Not about this. Not with these feelings."

"Why? You've been put through horrific trauma. I think you're entitled to feel like shit. I feel like crap."

Aaron looks at Spencer, in all his hopeful innocence, and understands the subtle invitation to be honest for once in his life. To let someone else save him. To have a normal conversation, with no ulterior motives or secret conditions. To have someone just care for him because they love him, not because they want anything in return. It's that final realisation that makes him take a leap of faith.

"Because if I let myself feel the anger, I will never stop, and then I will never be any better than my father." The words taste like failure, and he hates himself for saying them as soon as they leave his mouth. Who is he, to do this to a subordinate? To make someone else take responsibility for his issues? He wants to take the words back as soon as realisation dawns on Spencer, but he can't.

All he can do is close his eyes, and pretend he is somewhere else where whatever comes next cannot touch him.

"You know those thoughts don't determine who you are," Spencer says, and nothing about his tone has changed. He still cares about Aaron. Aaron, who has to blink back tears because he always forgets how many terrible things this boy has seen.

He tries to tell Spencer to stop, that he doesn't deserve to be called a good person, but the words won't come.

"I can tell you don't believe me. Well let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a FBI agent that panicked so much during their gun qualification that they failed. And the man that had been practicing them, who had every right to lash out, just nodded and asked if it was his fault. If there was anything he could do to help. And then he trusted that agent with his life. Without hesitating," Spencer said. It felt like he was talking to Henry.

Aaron needs him to shut up. He cannot hear this story. It is his life, so he knows how it ends, but he cannot hear that ending right now. Not when the loss of his family is still so raw and painful. Not when it consumes his every waking moment.

"And after the case was over, he raced to the hospital, and he stayed in the waiting room until his son was born because he refused to leave his wife for a second longer than necessary, even though she had given her blessing multiple times for him to go save people. She said that he changed more nappies during his paternity leave than most men do in their lives."

"Spencer-" Aaron manages to say.

"Abused children can break the cycle. They have broken the cycle. They continue to do so. You said that once. Do you remember? You told Vincent Perotta that not every victim goes on to become a killer. Because some grow up to catch them and you are one of them, you just-"

"Shut up! Please. Just shut up." He doesn't mean to shout. He doesn't mean to make Spencer flinch. He doesn't mean to sound angry. He doesn't mean to say the words. He doesn't mean to do any of those things, but he does, and he won't ever forget how terrified Spencer looks.

He did that. He did that, with nothing more than his words, and he cannot believe what he has done, but he has, and it's a terrible thing. And everything Spencer just said has been disproved. Everything.

"I'm sorry," Spencer whispers, turning away.

"No. No, please don't be sorry. You've not done anything wrong. Spencer, look at me. Please. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did. Don't lie to me."

And Aaron has lied about enough. He won't lie anymore.

"I am sorry," he says, even though it won't ever be enough.

Spencer smiles slightly, but then he goes over to his own bed. He closes his eyes, and pretends to sleep. He carries on pretending when Aaron walks over for the first time in three days, and kisses his forehead, much like he always does for Jack. He carries on pretending as Aaron sighs, and whispers an explanation too honest for repetition.

Aaron truly is sorry. Spencer truly does forgive him. The words are never said again, not to him, but that's the worst part. No matter what either of them do, Spencer will always remember and hesitate, and Aaron will never forget or forgive himself.

[mosaic-system]

What is your opinion on the movie Split, if you have seen it, with regards to how it depicts DID? Because like I feel like someone with DID would be offended but at the same time don’t KNOW whether they actually would be? Like when I see anti-asexual or anti-Irish sentiment and think “Hmm. Well that is certainly offensive from an objective viewpoint, but am I personally offended?” I do feel like if the twist behind the ‘Beast’ alter being superhuman was that he had been bitten by a werewolf, because there were so many hints towards him being a werewolf and the whole backstory they gave the protagonist about being a hunter, I feel like it would have suited the story better and avoided the ‘all people with DID are evil’ trope. Am I saying this right?

Short answer: Split is one of THE MOST offensive portrayal of DID I have ever seen.

Long answer: Ever since the "case" of Sybil, DID has been over dramatized and sensationalized by the media. Hollywood took it by the storm and there are several movies showing us as perpetrators of violence when in fact that is quite the opposite.

In recent times, Split is one of THE most recognized movie that has any form of DID "representation" (if you could even call it that).

I can't explain how horrible it feels to tell someone new that you have a semi-rare disorder only to have them look at you and ask "so like Split?" the implication behind this question, though sometimes not intentionally

Are you going to hurt me?

Are you a serial killer?

I decided to humor you though, and watch it myself for the first time. I'm willing to admit, from an outside perspective, if this disorder wasn't already affecting my life and I didn't know about this kind of disorder as well as I do, objectively, the movie is good.

HUge but though, as it happens I know this disorder in and out because I live with it, and have been professionally diagnosed.

Here are some points and misconceptions the movie displays that are wrong so as to explain why the community as a whole does not support this movie in any way, shape, or form:

- People with DID are more likely to be a danger to themselves than to other people, more likely to be victims of violence than displayers.

- James Mcavoy talks about watching video diaries of people with DID, and asked about it to professionals, but never sat down with a person with DID

- No alter is truly evil and if alters are a harm, it is usually to the system itself, not those on the "outside". It is a coping mechanism, the brain will use pain upon itself so abusers will not do as much harm.

-people with DID can "change the body" but it is not through any supernatural means. For example, some alters cannot see or hear while others can , because it was traumatic to see or hear. SOme alter's may have a different glasses prescription because using your eyes is utilizing a muscle and different alters have different muscle memory, these are easily explainable and do not "alter the body's chemistry" but is rather a coping mechanism to survive.

- It takes a lot of work and therapy to be able to switch relatively quickly, and generally no one switches that fast.

In the end, the only redeemable quality of this movie is the portrayal of PTSD by the main character, Casey Cooke. This would be the only lens I would encourage someone to watch this movie, not for learning any sort of DID knowledge or representation.

If you don't know what DID is, I can go more in depth in another post, but this carrd sums it up fairly well.

TL;DR: Yeah a werewolf would have been infinitely better.

-💜+💛

[butwhatifidothis]

3H and Bleach: Where the Fuck am I

So, I’m finally hunkering down and trying to write out this post lmao. I’ve mentioned here and there how my personal experience with the 3H’s fandom is similar to my experience with the Bleach fandom’s in more than one way, and - look. Like, I get there’s definitely a semi-universal thing that goes on across all fandoms. I don’t mean for this to say that this only happens within these two fandoms, because duh, of course they don’t. But!! This post is partly me wanting to air years long annoyance towards the Bleach fandom that just so happens to coincide with my feelings towards the 3H fandom, sooo... yeah lmao

I’ll probably be skimming over some bits about 3H, since most people who come across this will already be familiar with what I’d be talking about in that regard vs Bleach, so just a heads up

Note: This is gonna talk about Bleach which will spoiler territory (writing this off the cuff so not sure where this is goin’ yet lmao but I know that much), so if you don’t wanna see that then don’t read this post lol, I know for sure I’ll be spoiling something ahhhh... noticeable, lol

Ableism against the mentally ill

Now, most people reading this post will be familiar with the blog and how this very, very much applies to 3H, but for the sake of this post I’ll lay it out anyway with a brief summary

Dimitri and Rhea are both characters within 3H that suffer from severe trauma that heavily impacts their mental state. Both are the sole survivors of a horrific slaughter, with that slaughter redefining who they are and leaving a permanent marker within their minds in some way (Dimitri with having auditory and visual hallucinations, Rhea with having obsessive tendencies towards bringing her mother back from the dead). Specifically in CF, both characters are set up in the plot as antagonists, with both characters having to relive their trauma in some way due to the actions Byleth and Edelgard take against them (for Dimitri, having his home be razed to the ground and everyone he cares for dying around him, for Rhea having someone use her mother’s mutilated remains be used to end her and her race) and express extreme anger towards Byleth and Edelgard before they are killed to progress/end the story

Now, uh, sad shit right? Not exactly fuckin’ happy sunshine rainbows. These two characters are put through the wringer and are then murdered. They are rightfully not the fuckin’ happiest because of what happened to them before and what happens to them within the present story. But we’ve heard it all before: “They were crazy!” “They couldn’t be reasoned with!” “They had to be put down out of mercy because they were too ~far gone~ to live happily!” “They needed to be killed for the good of everyone!” It’s an extremely ableist rhetoric that gets passed around the fandom as though it’s totally fine to directly state that mentally ill people should be put down if they’re deemed a “lost cause.” Especially worrying because. You know. If they are a “”””lost cause”””” then it’s directly and specifically because of actions Byleth and Edelgard take against them. 

But how does this remind me of Bleach? What kind of similar extreme, worrying ableism exists there? Well, let me introduce to best girl a certain character with... a reputation, to say the least:

Meet Momo Hinamori.

Holy shit it’s so weird writing this out because I’ve been wanting to for years but have never worked up the nerve to do it lol

It should be noted, in the Bleach verse there’s two worlds out of three - Soul Society and Hueco Mundo, though I’ll only be talking of the former - that deal with “souls” (the essence within a living human). Souls age far more slowly than human bodies do in terms of body, not necessarily the mind (so a teenage soul will likely behave as such for a long while) so keep in mind that I’m going to be using numbers that may seem weird to someone who hasn’t seen Bleach lol.  With that out of the way, here’s a similar, if longer for context to those who haven’t seen Bleach, summary for Momo’s character as it relevant to this post:

Momo is a character in Bleach that grows a deep admiration towards Sosuke Aizen, a respected captain of the military force called the Gotei 13. She comes to views him as the most important person in her world due to him both noticing and paying direct attention to her as well as saving her and her friends’ lives during a training mission gone wrong while she was younger. Note that “younger” here means 40 years ago from the start of the story. Aizen would praise her all the time, allow her to sleep over in his quarters, would drape his cloaks over her when she looked cold, and would overall treat Momo as though he was his daughter for most of the time we see them interact in the beginning portions of the show. Note that none of this is sexual in nature, nor is it ever implied to be seen as such. That’ll be important later in this post

To make a long story short, Aizen comes to betray her. He stabs her through the chest and shows and tells her that she never meant anything to him, throughout the 40 years they’ve known each other (which, mind, for a soul Momo’s approximate age 40 years is still a noticeable amount of time), and he was only using her to help bolster his image as a loveable captain so that he can hide his plan from everybody that much easier. He did horrible things to Momo - from setting her alarm clock back to a later time so that she would more likely come across his pinned, bloody fake corpse. to framing her childhood friend for the apparent murder and tricking her into fighting that friend, to far later in the series tricking that friend into stabbing her (hypnosis shit, to sum that up) for literally no stated reason - that ended up mentally breaking her. She couldn’t believe that the last four decades were all nothing but lies and she fell into a deep denial about Aizen’s true nature - someone else made him do everything he did, she must have missed something that would have warned her about Captain Aizen’s unfortunate situation that forced Captain Aizen to hurt her and everyone else. This denial would take the majority of Bleach’s entire runtime for her to get over completely, with her having hiccups in her recovery even as she works up the nerve to fight him.

Now, uh, also not the fuckin’ funnest of times to be had here. The deep, long-running mental and psychological manipulation of what approximates as a teenage girl from a trusted older figure is something that is very clearly horrific and bad of the older figure, right? Like, we’re on the same page here on that?

This wouldn’t be in this post if that was the case. No, Momo was the one constantly on fire for what happened to her. She was one of the most hated characters in the western audience, and there were endless jokes about “lol look at Momo, the pincushion!” “Crazy bitch Momo, better watch out!” making fun of her and her trauma relentlessly. If you managed to find a Momo fan in the early 2000′s you should have also bought a lotto ticket because holy fuck, everyone hated her. She acted in a startlingly real if deeply uncomfortable way in regards to years long manipulation and she was lambasted for it. She didn’t immediately get over decades long psychological abuse and she was called useless, weak, a horrible representation of female characters, stupid - you name it, she was likely called it. To this day I still tense up when I hear that someone likes Bleach and they mention Momo at all because I’m always thinking “does this person think this abuse victim is dumb for being abused?”

Dimitri, Rhea, and Momo are all victim-blamed to a disgusting degree in the 3H and Bleach fandoms. Dimitri and Rhea are always hit with “well if Dimitri hadn’t have fought back against Edelgard/Rhea caused the “”tyranical systems” in the first place, nothing would have happened to them!” and Momo was constantly hit with” well, it’s not Aizen’s fault Momo was so clingy to him, what could he have done!” and I get so fuckin’ mad dude.

But for Dimitri and Momo specifically, there’s one thing in particular that caught my attention:

The “Rejection Theories”

This had my head spinnin’ a bit when I first heard it, cuz I had managed to avoid the theory for a while in the 3H’s fandom, but apparently a sizeable amount of people seem to believe that Dimitri wasn’t just mad at Edelgard in the Holy Tomb because of... you know *waves hand* fuckin’ everything, but that the primary reason for his anger was that Edelgard... rejected his advances to her? And that the dagger he gave to her when they were 13 was a phallic symbol of baby Mitri’s want to have sex with Edelgard? And. Like. What in the fuck are you talking about. 

But like?? Bleach did this shit too with Momo?? It was also a sizeable amount of people - not everyone, but a noticeable amount - that believed that Momo was just mad that Aizen wouldn’t sleep with her? You’d see it pop up in fics so often, that Momo would want Aizen to fuck her and she’d “go crazy” when he denied her and Momo was actually just this shallow bitch who wanted a good fuck like... what.

Like, when I first heard the Phallic Dagger take the first thing that came to mind is “wait Momo was also accused of just wanting to have sex with the person who traumatized her wtf” 

“Actually it was the perpetrators that should be forgiven because lonely and also some shit about ruling better”

Those in the 3H fandom know how often the “Edelgard was lonely!” line gets thrown by just about every one of her stans. Edelgard was lonely and couldn’t trust anyone, so of course she did what she did! If she had someone near her she could trust she wouldn’t have acted like she does in the rest of the game! Nevermind that she “gets” this in CF in the form of Byleth and still acts just as shittily as she does in the other routes, or how being a little lonely doesn’t fuckin’ mean you get to start war. But anyway, we also hear that Edelgard was justified in doing what she did because her ruling Fodlan would have lead to more peace in the end, once she got rid of the power structures in place now (except that doesn’t happen but whatev I guess lmao)

Aizen? He was lonely too! He was far too strong for anyone to truly be able to understand him, and so he tragically fell down a dark path. If he had known someone who could be considered an equal to him he would have never done all the horrible things he did. And the Soul Society is unjust! It needs to be reformed! So him slaughtering hundreds of thousands of souls at the minimum to harvest all of their power to use as his own is justified because it’ll be used to create a more just society under his rule!

Like. Y’all. Lowkey? I’m so fuckin’ glad Edelgard proved herself to be just as fuckin’ awful with Byleth as without because this shit drove me up the fuckin’ wall back in the day. There was 0 ways to prove that Aizen would damn sure��be just as fuckin’ bad if he had an “”equal”” to stand by him than if he didn’t, and I get to kinda be right because without fundamentally changing these characters’ backstories they would not give two flying shits about whether or not they had someone “equal to them” (which is still kinda degrading to think about anyway).

Now, this is where I move away to a different topic lol

A split in the narrative cause divides in the fandom

With 3H houses this is really fuckin’ easy to point at: there’s 4 routes, three consistent stories and one radically different story, and that difference in story causes heavy contention within the fandom. It’s very obvious so I won’t go over it much.

But how in the fuck is there a divide in Bleach? It’s not a fuckin’ Choose Your Own Adventure manga, it’s an anime and manga showing off the characters of Bleach’s stories and interactions (with, you know, plot and shit thrown in).

Well. It’s more accurate to say the anime told a story about the characters, and the manga told... the story about the characters.

In terms of plot, the anime didn’t change much from the manga, but hoo fuckin’ boy, did they change shit about some of the characters. Specifically, they changed a shit ton about three characters: the two main protagonists, Ichigo and Rukia, and another main character, Orihime.

Orihime. Got. Fucked.

The anime would make her far more ditzy and clumsy, her crush (turned growing love later on in the story) for Ichigo during more deeper moments that showcases her feelings for him were downplayed if not removed entirely in exchange for talking or thinking about food, key moments she has with Ichigo early in the manga were cut or deadass changed to something else in the anime, some key moments with her relationship with Rukia were cut, her backstory was watered down - so much of Orihime was fucked with in the anime (her fuckin’ introduction was changed drastically). Meanwhile Ichigo and Rukia were given moments that didn’t exist in the manga, they have filler arcs (remember those lmao) that would be stuffed with shit ton of moments for them that have no basis in the manga, other characters would change their behavior from the manga to reflect a sort of “thing” going on between Ichigo and Rukia.

Look, guys, the anime fucked up so bad the fucking mangaka, Tite Kubo, has said he gets stomach aches watching the early anime because it was that awful. And this divide between the anime and manga’s portrayal of these three character helped spawn the ship war of Bleach: Ichiruki vs Ichihime (oh but more on that in a bit). It tanked Orihime’s popularity because people thought she was the stupid dumbass that would stumble ass first into situations when that wasn’t her character at all. And because the majority of anime watchers only watch the anime... yeah, you can see where this went. So just like in 3H in Bleach you have these radically different tellings of the same characters that drove a big-ass wedge in the fandom

Marketing

Imma be transparent, like I’ve said before I managed to avoid nearly every marketing tactic for 3H so it’s a tad hard for me to speak personally, but from what I’ve been told Edelgard was heavily marketed towards the player base pre-release. She was the poster child of 3H, she got the figma, she was in the spotlight - unless you cleansed your board of 3H content you knew exactly who she was. On top of that, it doesn’t stop in-game - loading screen messages would assume you picked BE, Adrestia is the first option to pick when you want to impress one of the lords in the prologue, the BE class is the first option to pick in choosing which route to play, every character has some moment in the game post ts where they express sympathy with the woman who waged war on them for five years (even characters with no business doing so, like Seteth entertaining the idea that maybe Edelgard isn’t that bad during Myrddin). With all of that good PR for Edelgard in and out of the game it heavily impacted how people saw her, and much of it is used by stans to justify her being a good guy (mostly in the game marketing) despite everything else in the game clearly showing that Edelgard is the bad guy

With Bleach in that regard... you have Ichiruki

holy shit it’s so weird talking about Ichiruki i’m still lowkey nervous about talking about them lmao

With Ichiruki stans, they would cling onto outside material that promoted Ichigo and Rukia together as proof that their ship was going to be canon. Spreadsheets, calendars, poems (some of which didn’t even apply to Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship but they insisted they did anyway), novels - outside material that either wasn’t canon or didn’t pertain to Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship. They would shove it in the face of Ichihime shippers that “see, we have all this stuff for us! We ain’t starving tonight!” when the canon (note: in the manga particularly) would clearly show Ichigo and Orihime’s relationship being the one that leans romantic in multiple significant ways. They would latch onto irrelevant shit that ain’t had nothin’ to do with anything and wave around as a paragon of romance when it literally wasn’t even canon

Just fuckin’ ignoring the creators deadass

Creators and developers of 3H: Edelgard is the typical Red Emperor the only difference is Girl

Stans: that’s just a headcanon

Kubo: Ichigo and Rukia have a platonic relationship and I’ve publicly said this since 2008

Stans, now, to this day: Ichigo and Rukia were robbed

Making people reject what they’re stanning for

I’ve seen a few people express that the more they interact with the fandom and see what her stans are doing, the more they grow to dislike Edelgard despite (some) initially liking or even loving her. To put it simply, the same thing happened with Ichiruki - hell, this happened with me with Ichiruki. I can’t fuckin’ stand the ship anymore because every time I think about it I’m reminded of the absolutely rancid, disgusting things Ichiruki stans have to done to others in the fandom, and even after nearly five years after Bleach has ended I still tense up when someone says they like Ichiruki over Ichihime precisely because of the behavior of the stans, just like I side-eye people who say Edelgard is the best lord. Do they like them because they simply prefer them over the other(s) and they’re not totally fuckin’ bonkers, or are they totally fuckin’ bonkers. 

And, like, that’s not fair! I know that! But I can’t help but think that when such a loud amount of people act in such deplorable ways just because someone didn’t like a bunch of lines on paper/pixels on a screen.

To all the nice Ichiruki and Edelgard fans, hope y’all are havin’ a nice day.

Long, crazy ass explanations as to why X =/= X (and if anything actually means Y)

Teacher theory for 3H. How Edelgard totally didn’t hire Kostas to kill Dimitri and Claude and was only thwarted because Claude booked it, but how she definitely actually meant to simply scare away the teacher that was with them so that Jeritza could be pulled from his already existing position in Garreg Mach to teach one class so that Edelgard can kinda keep a sorta closer eye on exactly one of the other classes (and just do shit all about the other one I guess), because Jertiza’d be able to gleam so much from teaching a class for a few hours a day I promise 

But for Bleach, you also have one particularly infamous theory positing shit that don’t real, with enough renown to be known by a specific name, and that’s the Lust Arc = Fail essay

To explain what the essay is about, I have to set the scene up a bit. Imagine, you, with your tiny little monkey brain, are watching Bleach, and you get to the part where Main Boyo is fighting against Villain to save Girly. Other Guy is there too - this is important. Main Boyo tries his hardest to fight Villain, but is ultimately shot through the fucking chest with a laser from Villain and dies. Like, for bit actually dies. Girly breaks down, has a straight up mental breakdown because she always “knew” that Main Boyo could do anything, and now he’s been killed and is dead in front of her. She screams out Main Boyo’s name, hysterically begging him to save her and protect her because holy shit the love of her life has been brutally murdered in front of her what the fuck. But Main Boyo, from literally beyond the line of death, hears her pleas and snaps back to life as a monster, with the sentence “I MUST PROTECT” repeatedly running through his head and being the only sentence he ever says while in this form, with him fucking destroying Villain and even going so far as to directly hurt Other Guy when Other Guy tries to stop Main Boyo from utterly stomping on Villain. Girly is the only person Main Boyo does not directly hurt, and when Villain is damn sure gonna fuckin’ kick the bucket that is when Main Boyo reverts back human. Everyone is more than a little shocked at what happened, but it’s clear from how relieved Girly is when Main Boyo comes back safe and sound that while this event fundamentally will change their relationship (and it does), it is still one that is extremely strong and they won’t let it get between them (and they don’t).

Now, when looking at the summary, you, with your absolutely miniscule peanut of a brain, might come away thinking, “Hm, Main Boyo might kinda care for Girly given that he literally rose from the dead to protect her and only her and went back to normal once she was safe” and you poor fool would be oh so wrong, because actually, this is all proof that Mian Boyo doesn’t care for Girly and that Villain actually cared more for Girly than Main Boyo ever could.

Without diving too deeply into the absolute lunacy of the Lust Arc = Fail essay, that was its main premise. That Ichigo, after rising from the literal dead directly after Orihime begged and pleaded that he protect and save her and then going on to protect and save specifically her (as Uryu - Other Guy - is also a friend of Ichigo’s and got his fucking arm cut off by Monster!Ichigo), is proof against Ichihime being romantic in any way and was not, in fact, a fuckin’ giant neon flashing sign that read THESE TWO ARE GONNA GET TOGETHER. It was the dumbest shit ever, but Ichiruki stans, much like Edelstans with Teacher Theory, clung to it like white on rice. It didn’t matter how much it was utterly debunked, it didn’t matter how the base premise was stupid as fuck, they point to it as the pinnacle of meta for their respective fandoms in their respective spaces.

And all of this leads me to um... the one I’m kinda the most worried about?

Stan Behavior

Edelstans are their own unique brand of awful in that that the shit they spew is particularly... worrying (”genocide isn’t bad if they aren’t human and also they kinda deserved it” “imperialism isn’t that bad really” the mentally ill should be put down if they’re deemed ~too far gone~” among other... wonderful takes...), and their behavior is also quite shitty, harassing content creators that go against the Approved Opinions (Ghast) or forcing people to take down fanart and in general infecting nearly every Rhea space with all kinds of disparaging comments no one asked for. They actively make the fandom a worse space, and when they flare up it’s almost always noticeable (again, Ghast)

Bleach?

Oh boy.

Guys. If you weren’t there for the Canonization of Ichihime (2016). You dodged a fucking bullet.

The outrage was out-fuckin’-rageous. Their behavior was some of the worst reactions anyone has ever seen come from the canonization of a ship in a shounen. This includes, but is not limited to:

Someone tearing apart all 70+ volumes of Bleach and burning it in their bathroom

In fact, multiple people tearing up Bleach and burning it, while keeping the Ichiruki moments and taping it to their walls

A Rukia cosplayer, in Rukia cosplay, printing out the final color spread of the end-game couples and their friends lounging about - with colored ink and all - and burning it, while filming herself doing so

Ichiruki porn being sent to Tite Kubo

Tite Kubo being accused of grooming a 15 Orihime cosplayer with no proof

Tite Kubo being accused of lying about his various health issues

Ichigo and Rukia being drawn cheating on their spouses with each other - and some of that also being sent to Tite Kubo

Tite Kubo being chased off Twitter by Ichiruki stans... again

Ichihime shippers getting sent death threats

Ichihime shippers getting called delusional for thinking their ship had a chance before the endgame couples were revealed, and then being called delusional for thinking their ship had any real basis and wasn’t pulled “out of nowhere”

Tite Kubo being accused of hating women because of Orihime being shown in an apron in the last chapter and Ichiruki stans jumping to the conclusion she became a housewife, and then Tite Kubo being accused of hating women because when it was revealed that Orihime has a job in a bakery to pay for college later they insisted what Kubo should have done was have Uryu, who’s a doctor at that point, pay for Orihime’s college instead of having Orihime pay for it with her own money 

And mind you, this is only the stuff I’ve personally seen and experienced

I am hoping and praying that Edelstans never get as bad as Ichiruki stans did in 2016, but with how otherwise similar they are my hopes are dwindling more and more. I guess I can take solace in the fact that they aren’t quite... that bad yet? In terms of actions, at least? Their sentiments though are infinitely worse, so like... cool

[relaxxattack]

ayo! (wait this might be a bit of a jumpscare dishdks i apologize) i’m op of That Post and was wondering what your opinions were on the whole woobification thing? /gen

because it’s a Tiny Bit widespread within the dream apologists to sort of,, overdramatize stuff like l’manberg hurting him. like they’re not a 100% wrong but if you look at it subjectively you can see some sort of bias going into that sort of thing that makes the character’s mistreatment a bit more blatant and intentional which,, it really wasn’t? and there wasn’t That Much of it either. especially on twitter (tumblr is much better about it) people just jump to conclusions it seems and yeah. since you brought it up i was wondering if you wanted to write a bit about it from your perspective!

we’re kinda from different corners of the fandom but i still notice that once you are too attached to a character you start taking certain evidence and giving it more weight than it actually has. there’s a blurry line between “taking away a character’s humanity” and woobification and it’s extremely difficult to find a balance when said character shows pretty much nothing of his emotional life (e. g. putting up the intimidating villain act in front of only c!tommy, pretty much everything he does making rational sense with no emotional subtext) and a lot of the fandom instantly jumps to one side or the other while it’s like.

we don’t know by far enough to say “he’s traumatized” or “he isn’t traumatized” or “he was villainized and it hurt him” or “l’manberg didn’t affect him at all��

as a very analytical person people constantly jumping to conclusions grinds my gears, but that’s about it for my own view of the situation - sorry for the rambling.

in general i agree with you that both dehumanization and woobification is Bad and i really hope getting Actual Context sorts this out (e. g. him saying he was betrayed by his friends doesn’t mean it wasn’t partially his fault or that they were allowed to leave him, but it also shows that he did care about that happening. mentioning the cat doesn’t mean anything about what happened to c!tommy but it also shows that he did care about what happened to it. it’s just always interesting to get more information about the way he feels because he usually does a very good job at hiding it.) because man.

it’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, especially if you also are attached to the character and are expected to automatically agree with everything the people on “your side” say. it just ends up with everyone being mad and the character being mischaracterised overall.

oh wow hello! i didnt expect the op of the post to find me you’re right lol

and yes i agree! you seem to have a lot of very good thoughts tbh.

and by woobification, i mean exactly what you’ve already pointed out— the people who will say l’manberg purposely villainized dream, the people who will say wilbur faked his mental illness to manipulate dream, the people who are pretty much always talking about how badly dream was treated by people who were acting only fairly for themselves, usually.

for example people who act like dream was a perfect peacemaker before tommy showed up, or that tommy started most conflict. these are just actual lies that are told by c!dream himself to justify his abuse of tommy, and people fall for them incredibly easily because not a lot of people watched early dsmp and know that truthfully it was chaotic even then, and that dream was chaotic too. not to mention wilbur soot tried very hard to secede peacefully with l’manberg and dream jumped directly into war with no warning. and then people say he was forced into their war when, no, he started it.

theres also people who will say like, dream and sapnap for example are such good friends. i’m sure they cared for each other, but dream on multiple occasions has done horrible things to sapnap with no regard for his feelings (like leading fundy to sapnaps pets during the petwar, leading tommy to sapnaps pets during the other petwar and encouraging him to kill them, handing mars over to tommy to use as leverage against sapnap, etc). george he’s been less awful too but he certainly spoke over him and ignored his feelings enough that george felt hurt. he had places in his hall of attachments for beckerson and mars. george and sapnap were right to walk away from being treated like that.

there’s also what you just said here — “dream puts on a villain persona for tommy”— but honestly he acts like that around quite a few people (example: eret) and it’s usually when he’s revealing crucial info, which leads me and many others to believe that ‘persona’ is actually a more truthful version of him.

there’s the fact that he really isn’t safe for people to be around (or at least he wasn't before the prison) because he was planning to come up with ways to control every single person by stealing and threatening their attachments (some of which were not items but were living animals, or a real breathing person).

and then people will say dream was doing exile to enforce rules, or to keep the peace— when it’s very clear in canon it was a deliberate plan to get tommy on his own and into the prison. (from the way he was framing tommy for multiple crimes, and having sam set up the prison, and kidnapping tommy instead of correctly exiling him, all at the same time).

not even going into how he wants to kill and revive people for fun or make tommy immortal.

it’s just— ignoring all these actual facts and saying “oh he misses his friends, let’s get him some friends now” reminds me of like. when people would put flower crowns on pictures of serial killers. and then, there’s hardly anyone on the server who wasn’t subject to dream’s plans, so there’s absolutely no one i would be okay with him interacting with.

just remembered about the torture thing, and wow i still hate it so much. it’s someone’s sick revenge fantasy twisted into a way to get a manipulative villain sympathy, and it’s just gross to me on every account. i do think dream is traumatized-- just not by l’manberg, which was a conflict he started on his own terms. i would think l’manberg did affect him, because he was scared of losing control.

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again— my ideal ending for dream would be for him to be sent far away from dsmp to an island full of therapy animals and super strong therapists who have never met him before. and for him to get a shit ton of therapy until he becomes a halfway normal person. and then eventually he could get integrated into society again; but a different one with new people. (although maybe dteam + bbh + puffy can visit him, they might still like him.)

none of the people on the server (who have all been affected by dream) should be burdened with befriending him or rehabilitating him— look how that turned out with sam! sam had a personal grudge towards dream and it ended with the poor dude being tortured every day; and sam himself falling into corruption and literally cutting off his boyfriends arm. like we can all see thats fucking awful right?

no one who was affected by dream should have to deal with him ever again. and contrary to popular belief, that includes a LOT more people then just tommy. dream isn’t just tommy’s antagonist, hes almost everybody’s.

the only person on the server who might also be able to stand to help dream is techno, and that’s from sheer lack of ability to give a shit. but techno is probably THE furthest thing from a good therapist there is lol, and dream needs better then that.

this kind of just ended up being a rant about my thoughts on c!dream, so im so sorry op. especially since it was probably negative for you. i hope you’re doing very well.

i guess in the end it’s true what you said— people will highlight or ignore things based on what characters they like, and it’s especially easy to do in this fandom, where half the content doesn’t even get watched and then we become a big echo chamber of half-truths.

considering dream has hurt so many of the characters i care about, i almost can’t understand how he could be someone’s favorite or comfort character— but he is nonetheless, and it would be unfair of me to be rude about that.

essentially it just bothers me to see someone who was a perpetrator of accurately portrayed abuse and manipulation (using both those words in their actual definitions, not just as random buzzwords lol) being given the flower crown edit effect. especially since he’s hurt the characters i care about a lot.

ANYWAY all of that being said (this got LONG im so sorry op) i am so so excited to get dream’s pov, because although i disagree with his actions strongly i actually find dream’s character very interesting and cool, and watching his POV is going to insanely fun. i cannot wait to see what theories get confirmed or denied

ALSO incase it wasn’t clear this is all /nm at you! you seem lovely and smart, and neither of us can help what characters we get attached to :]

[dramaqueeenamby]

Waves: Wild Hearts

A/N: This is sorta a follow up to Fighter that I’ve had on my computer for months. I have included the ending of that oneshot at the beginning of this one to help refresh memories, but if you want to read Fighter, you can do so here. Yes, there will be a part 2 to this one. 

Warnings: Angst

Words: 2K

-GIF from Google-

TAGS: @babe-im-bi​ @notacamelthatsmywife​ @queenoftheworldisdead​ @tashawar​ @valkryienymph​ @letsshamelessqueen-m​ @lettytheletdown​ @hello-therree​ @toni9​ @kpizzletrash​ @missdforever​ @missyperle​ @mani-lifes​ @koko-michelle @liquorlaughslove​

-----

Previously on Waves

“Now back to the news that broke headlines just last night. Academy Award-Winning Actress Summer Hemsworth was allegedly attacked in her Georgia hotel room last night. Hemsworth suffered two gunshot wounds and reportedly collapsed in the lobby as horrified onlookers called 911 and attempted to stop the bleeding.”

“She was rushed to the local hospital where doctors performed emergency surgery, and as of now, we are hearing reports that she is in stable condition.”

“While details are still unclear, what we do know is that the attacker is now deceased, reportedly at the hands of Summer, who fought him off. In addition, the perpetrator has been identified as Myles Hampton, the same man who stalked and attacked Mrs. Hemsworth almost six years prior.”

“Hampton was sentenced and serving a 15-year sentence which has the world wondering. How did he get out? How was he able to re-traumatize his victim? How--”

“Mommy.”

His son’s voice ripped Christopher from his phone where he was watching the news for reasons even he couldn’t explain. Well, rather, didn’t want to explain.

Elysha glared at her brother, bringing her index finger to her mouth. “Shh. Papa said we gotta be quiet.”

Summer moaned, finally waking up from another nap. They had her on heavy painkillers that made her sleep, much to the chagrin of all four individuals occupying the private hospital room. For the twins, sleep meant she couldn’t talk to them. They needed to hear her voice to know that she was going to be okay.

For Christopher, well, even awake, he still worried.

And for Summer, she just hated to be unconscious as she recognized the concern that it caused her family.

“Did he now?” She whispered, blinking a couple times as she managed to lift her hand, bringing it to Emmett’s cheek. “Well, mama says you don’t have to.”

Both kids responded with a smile, quickly grabbing the sheets on either side of the bed, where they’d remained the entire time.

They wouldn’t leave her side.

“Look, mama,” Elysha chimed as they lifted the papers. “We drew you pictures. Mines is bestest.”

“Nu uh!”

“Uh huh!”

She smiled, ignoring the pain she was still experiencing. It mattered not though. She’d take the pain of survival over the finality of death any day.

“They’re both the bestest,” Summer shared, making both of them grin for a few seconds when she noticed Elysha drop her head. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Elysha took a few seconds, her voice barely above a whisper. “We’re glad you’re okay, mommy.”

“Yeah,” Emmett agreed. “Why’d that mean man try to hurt you, mama?”

Summer closed her eyes. Her pain was no longer a concern. Her priority was the hurt she saw and heard in her children, her beautiful babies prematurely forced to encounter the evils of this world.

“I-”

“Well, it’s about time you woke up, lil’ missy.” Helen spoke with a warm smile as she walked into the room.

Seeing their grandmother raised their spirits just enough to eat away some of Summer’s guilt. Helen walked over and gently felt her daughter’s head. “How you doing, baby?”

Summer, conscious of the watchful set of blue eyes on her, smartly replied. “I’m good, mama.”

Helen nodded. “I see you’re getting some of your color back. Good. You was getting a lil’ pale on me, lil girl.”

Elysha gasped. “Can I have some of mommy’s color, grandma!”

“Me too, grandma!”

The twin’s excitement and naivety made Summer smile. Their uplifted spirits nursed her soul.

“I don’t know about color, but how about you two come with grandma to the cafeteria, and we’ll see what kind of ice cream they have.”

The promise of their favorite dessert quickly dimmed when they realize it meant leaving their mom.

“But-”

“Ya’ll go. Mama has to talk to papa,” Summer referenced Christopher who’d sat silent while allowing the children time to bond with their mother. “Please?”

Emmett groaned but relented. “I’ll bring you ice cream back, mama.” He looked back at Christopher. “You too, papa!”

“I’ll bring you some too, papa!”

Careful kisses on either side of her cheeks preceded the kids finally walking out hand in hand with Helen.

The sound of tiny footsteps repeatedly diminished until they could be heard no more, replaced by heavy-footed strides and the creaking of a chair. Summer closed her eyes at his warm touch, his hand clasped over hers, the other going to her forehead.

He laid his head against her shoulder, Summer angling her own so that she could kiss the top of his head.

She gently tightened her grip on his head. “I’m fine, Christopher.”

“Don’t.” She licked her lips, concern shifting from her kids to her husband. “Don’t give me that shit, Summer. You are not fine.”

“I’m alive, Chris,” she croaked, wanting desperately to stress how grateful she was. “He shot me. Twice. And I’m alive.”

“This never should have fucking happened. If they’d been watching him, he would have never-”

“Hey,” she forced some bass into her voice. “We can’t do that. It happened, and it-it sucks, but-”

“How can you be so calm about this?” He forced out bitterly, finally lifting his head to reveal glazed eyes that burned with fear and rage. “After everything he did, what he tried-”

She attempted the comedic route, something that typically worked for them. “Well, it’s not like this is the first time I’ve almost died.” The dark joke fell through, possibly increasing his irritation. She swallowed. “I-I think-I still don’t know what to think, Chris. I-It’s a lot to process, but I can’t do that right now. Emmett and Elysha are watching us, watching me, and every time I look at them, look at you, I’m reminded of everything I stood to lose, and I’m just-I’m thankful. And the last thing that I want is to further worry the twins…or you.”

He lifted their conjoined hands and gently kissed her fingertips. Summer recognized the gesture as acknowledgment.

“I love you,” she breathed as he moved his mouth to kiss her inner forearm. “So much.”

He brought his hand to her cheek, their eyes meeting with a burning and moving meeting that conferred the ardent love between them but was now tinged with a new emotion.

Fear

Wild Hearts

“Just a few more seconds. Come on, Summer.”

Face scrunched up in discomfort, the actress swallowed her pain and scraped for every bit of resilience that she had left, successfully completing the set before relaxing as soon as her therapist gave her the okay.

Dropping onto the floor, Summer crossed her wrists and placed them over her head. Deep, relaxing breaths abated her nerves and aching muscles as Rene attempted to offer words of encouragement and praise that Summer was only halfheartedly listening to.

It wasn’t that Rene was bad at her job. No, far from it. She was a wonderful physical therapist who pushed Summer in ways that were both challenging while also welcoming. It was that Summer still hadn’t come to accept that she was back at square one. She felt like she was preparing to become Storm all over again. Relearning suddenly replaced years of maintenance. Her schedule had been disrupted, and it created cognitive dissonance.

Hand unconsciously falling onto her core, her fingers slid over the dark scar that still bled with remnants of trauma and regrets. One of two, it was the most prominent and noticeable. Folks rarely paid attention to feet, but the stomach, it was the area that generally garnered a decent amount attention based solely on the level of flatness.

Rene noticed the way Summer’s fingers stroked her slick skin and cleared her throat. “Why don’t we call it a day?”

“The day has been called, ma’am.”

The ginger grinned crookedly and complimented her client. “You did great today.”

Summer snorted, groaning quietly as she sat up and braced her palms against the mat. “Now you’re just kissing my ass.”

“While you do have quite the ass,” Summer rolled her eyes. “I’m not quite sure how my wife and your husband would feel about that.”

Summer rolled her eyes as Rene reached a hand to help her stand up. “Noted.” Rolling her shoulders, Summer walked over to grab her pink Blender Bottle, downing down the water mixed with lemons and limes. The typically acrid mixture was welcoming because of the addition of ice cubes that quenched her parched throat, assisting in the cooling down of her warm body.

“I think we could even maybe move down to twice a week instead of three.”

Swallowing a couple more ounces, Summer lowered her cup and wiped at her mouth. “Seriously?”

Rene nodded as she crossed her arms. “I meant it. You’re doing great.” A beat. “Physically.”

And just like that, Summer rolled her eyes and turned her body to start packing up her items. “Here we go again.”

Rene already knew that she was going to be met with apprehension, but that didn’t dissuade her. “I can only help you rehabilitate your body, Summer. But your mind—”

“—is fine.”

Rene stilled, her green eyes softening. “You can say that until you’re blue in the face, but it makes no difference if you don’t really believe it, and I don’t think you do.”

Summer stilled, her back toward the tall woman. A part of her, a very small part of her, wanted to switch things up. She wanted to entertain the conversation, just to see how it would play out, but another part of her knew exactly how it would play out, so she did as she’d done a lot lately.

“So, same time next week?” She spun around, swinging her bag over her shoulder. Before the other woman could offer a response, Summer shot her a wink and walked past her. “Thank, Rene.”

As if on cue, Phillip’s large frame appeared in the doorway, and Summer’s grin fell.

Arms clasped in front of him, he nodded in acknowledgment. “Ready, Mrs. Hemsworth?”

An elongated sigh escaped as she approached him and managed to reignite her previous smile. “I told you, Summer is fine, but yeah, I’m ready.”

A grunted response that she couldn’t really make out proceeded him opening the door for her only to quickly move back in front of her so that he was blocking her view. For a man his size, he was impressively quick on his feet.

A few more doors, elevator ride down, and Summer was met with the blistering Australian heat as a firm hand moved to her backside and escorted her out the building. Out the corner of her eye, she spotted the photographers who snapped away, a few inching close to the star but not enough where they were in arms reach of Phillip.

They weren’t stupid.

Phillip had served as a bodyguard for some of the most important figures across the world, celebrities and royals included. His resume was impeccable, and he was damn good at his job, a job that, while she respected, Summer felt suffocated by at times.

The fact that she even had a full-time bodyguard was something that she still hadn’t swallowed. She’d always been vocal and open about the fact that she loathed the whole “barrier” between celebrities and “regular degular” people. Her occupation, in her option, shouldn’t place her on a pedestal.

Plus, she was far from hopeless, and so a bodyguard was something could never get with unless they were provided by the event she was attending.

But a certain husband of hers was absolutely adamant about hiring the 24/7 protection following the attack, and while Summer understood his reasoning, she still wasn’t in agreement.

Not that it mattered…

The drive was short as the outpatient treatment center was only about twenty minutes away from the Hemsworth residence. Once they reached the mansion, Summer relieved Phillip from his duties. She had no plans on going out again. Christopher was picking up the kids from school. She’d maybe take Doggy out for a walk on the beachfront, but that didn’t require the 6”3 giant’s presence.

Not even three seconds into the door, Christopher was in front of his wife, hands on her hips as he pecked her lips.

“Hey, honey.”

Summer faltered only for a second before chewing on her bottom lip. “Damn, waiting for someone?”

“Always.” He winked and smacked her ass, prompting her to try to push him away.

“I need to shower,” she protested with a small pout as he brushed her comment off and slyly lowered his mouth down to her ear.

“I’ll join you.”

Summer grinned, momentarily contemplating his offer. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?”

“We are married, aren’t we?”

“I mean….” She laughed at his scowl and managed to pull away, walking past him to make her way up the steps. “Can you make us—”

Summer stopped and turned around on the second step only to see that was directly in front of her, on the first step.

She lifted a brow. “Sir?”

“What?”

She crossed her arms. “I’m pretty sure that I said n—Christopher!” She squealed as he silenced her by picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. “Put me down!”

“I am going to put you down,” he responded while continuing their track up the stairs. “On my dick.”

“Christopher!”

————

Summer rolled over on her side and ran her hand over her face, eyes shut as she struggled to catch her breath. Holding onto the pillow, she pulled the blanket up to her neck, depriving her nude body of the chilly air that the AC caused to consume their room.

She smiled softly as her husband kissed her temple. Feeling the bed creak, he peaked and saw him moving out the way as he started to pull on his clothes. Leaning on her back, she grabbed her phone off the nightstand and saw that it was time for him to leave to pick up the twins.

How long were we?

“Phillip will be here in a few minutes—”

Summer frowned. “What?” She sat up, not caring that the sheet fell down, exposing her breast. “Baby, I told him he could go home for the day.”

Christopher stood up, pulling his pants on. “Why would you do that?”

She looked from side to side. “Because I don’t need him? I didn’t plan on going out today.”

“But you knew that I had to go pick up the kids, so you’d be alone.”

Summer closed her eyes. “Christopher….”

The chime of his phone interrupted her as he glanced at the screen to see that Phillip had arrived and entered the house using the key that Chris thought was a good idea to provide him with. “He’s here. I have to get going.”

Summer frowned and leaned back against the headboard. “Okay.”

Looking back over to see that she was still dissatisfied, he walked over and sat on the bed, reaching out to cup her cheek. “Why don’t you come with me?”

Her brows furrowed. “Seriously? Christopher, you’ve already called the man over here.”

“And?” Chris didn’t see a problem. “He’s staying the night—”

“Again?” Summer was no longer so disappointed. She was irritated. “That’s the third damn time this week.”

“Okay?”

Summer scoffed and moved away from him, crossing her arms. “You know, I would appreciate it if you would actually, maybe, communicate with me before you make these decisions.”

“What is there to talk about, Summer?” He watched her move to the other side of the bed as she kicked the blanket off and scurried around to gather her clothes. “You need pro—”

“No, Christopher, what I need is for you to stop treating me like a child!” A beat. “I can take care of myself!”

“Like you did with Myles?”

Summer clutched the shirt in her hand at the same moment Chris closed his eyes. “Fuck, Summer—“

“You can go to hell,” she whispered, yanking her shirt over her head and marching past him, snatching her arm away from him when he reached for her. “Don’t—“ she stopped, eyes closing as she fought the sob in the back of her throat. “—touch me.”

Christopher recognized that tone. It was rare, but when present, he recognized that nothing he could say or do could penetrate the impenetrable exterior that was Summer’s wall.

The slamming of the bathroom door indicated what he already knew. Walking over to the door and placing his ear against it, welcoming it to the quiet sobs of his wife confirmed it.

He’d fucked up.

-----

A/N: So....whose side ya’ll on?

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

“The Jedi should have allowed Anakin and Padmé to be openly married and then everything would have been okay” is such an... interesting take. 

Here’s a quick recap of all the things that are wrong with their marriage and that do not come from the need for secrecy:

Padmé knew that Anakin slaughtered an entire village and yet never attempted to get him psychological help. It means that she either 1) took what he said about them being animals at face value, or even convinced herself that they weren’t really sentient, 2) thought she could “tame the beast within” and heal Anakin’s brokenness through the power of her love (the most likely option imo - and that’s a very dangerous thought to have about a violent partner) or 3) deemed that the happiness that they both derived from each other’s company was worth more than Anakin facing the consequences of his actions and getting help.

24 year old Padmé married a 19 year old Padawan who had been on one solo assignment - I’m pretty sure that makes him a child in the Jedi’s handbook.

Previous one not good enough? Okay. Padmé, a galactic Senator, married a Jedi - aka the supposedly neutral party her own Senate has authority over. The Order forbidding marriage isn’t the issue here. She’s like his boss’ bosses’ boss! 

They are were terrible at managing that relationship. In s2ep4 “Senate Spy,” Padmé got pissed at Anakin because the Council called him away for the night when they had a romantic evening planned. This kind of stuff would have happened regardless of whether or not their relationship was a secret - she married a Jedi. Asking him to disregard even part of his duty for her sake is unfair to the people he’s sworn to defend and the Order he’s pledged his life to. And similarly, asking Padmé to live a half-relationship because Anakin is technically married to a spiritual Order is unfair to her. Which is why Jedi don’t get married.

She exchanged GRIEVOUS FOR ANAKIN WITHOUT CONTACTING ANYONE IN THE GAR OR THE SENATE! (That’s in s4ep4 “Shadow Warrior”). What kind of bs is this? This is why there are rules against attachment, fraternization, not marrying your subordinates, and disclosing your personal relationships to your superiors so they’ll try not to put in positions where you could easily be compromised. She had an hour to decide. That’s enough to make a call. Okay, the Senate is useless and would have debated endlessly. What about contacting at least the Chancellor? We know he’s evil, she doesn’t! Or heck, just the Jedi Council. Or even just Obi-Wan, Anakin’s closest friend and direct boss! She said herself “with Grievous gone we could end the war.” And then Jar Jar chimed in and reminds her that Anakin is her friend. And then she MADE THE EXCHANGE BASED ON ONLY THAT! Uuuugh. She was so compromised it’s ridiculous.

Anakin keeps making stupid decisions over his relationship with her. (Like giving her his lightsaber just to prove that, and I quote: “nothing is more important to [him] than the way he feels about [her]”! That’s not how it’s supposed to work! She’s a Senator and he’s a General in a full-scale war! People’s lives should be more important than how they feel about each other.)

Anakin almost beat a man to death with his fists in Padmé’s living room out of jealousy. (Which Padmé didn’t report - even though that was more signs that Anakin needed counselling.) The Jedi Order forbidding marriage is not responsible for this kind of possessive, abusive behavior. 

“As your husband, I demand that you tell the Chancellor you are stepping down.” (From s6ep6 “The Rise of Clovis” - same episode. Padmé was involved in a very critical mission and Anakin lost his shit because she was working with her ex.)

Anakin strangled his pregnant wife to the point of unconsciousness. There’s no beating around the bush for this one. You cannot say this type of behavior was brought about by the Order’s rules. Conjugal violence is on the person hurting their partner. 

“I don't know who's in there sometimes. I just know that I'm not happy anymore. I don't feel safe. [...] I think it's best if we don't see each other anymore. At least not for a while. I'm sorry, Anakin.” Yes, absolutely no trouble in paradise. People, that’s not indicative of a healthy relationship. 

Padmé took Anakin back after him almost killing Clovis with his bare fists because she was shell-shocked and traumatized by Dooku using the Force to make her kill someone and by Clovis actually dying to save her. Anakin himself didn’t do anything to earn her trust back. That’s not grounds to take back a man you don’t feel safe loving.

Padmé was ready to blind herself to the reality of Anakin’s killing spree at the end of RotS to flee with him. Like, I get where she was coming from, because even Obi-Wan tried to reason with the perpetrator of their Order’s genocide... but... after this list it’s still pretty damning. 

tldr: Padmé and Anakin’s relationship was unhealthy from the get-go. Don’t pin Anakin’s disastrous life-choices, controlling behavior and abusive tendencies on the Jedi forbidding marriage. Because tbh, in this case? That kid should not have gotten married, at least not without seeing many mental health specialists first.

[spiritualgateway]

You are your own creation

written by Steven Black:

At least since „Seth“, we all know the famous sentence: „You are the creator of your own reality. “

Fine.

But we usually overlook the most important point, namely the center of where everything happens.

OUR SELF!

The very personal kind of evaluations we make about ourselves creates our human personality. The identity as which we know and experience ourselves. This is how it manifests itself. Our stream of evaluations leads to patterns of conviction and to a certain belief structure. And with this we then identify ourselves, which sets a certain dynamic in motion through which we will attract and experience certain things.

The core of the center lies in what we believe about ourselves, how we feel about ourselves and how we think about ourselves. This in turn is closely related to what kind of experiences we have already had. And how we have then judged these experiences. If we really want to understand the phrase – „You are the creator of your own reality“ – then it is valuable if we look at the stream of evaluation that we generate about ourselves throughout our lives. Second by minute, day by week for months for years and decades.

The person we are now is the product of many years of incessant evaluations and definitions about ourselves.

Sure, before we are born, we put together a kind of blueprint – with certain character traits, talents and inclinations, in order to be able to have certain experiences. And of course, when we come to Earth, we go through an imprinting process that will activate this Blueprint. We go through education by parents and the school system, learn cultural, social and societal collective beliefs and much more. In this way we learn to think in a certain way and to classify things, circumstances, people and situations – we adopt the definitions and evaluations that have been given to us.

In fact, it is only the basic training for being human at the moment, it is not the „wisdom last resort“.

Much more important for our human experience are our judgements about ourselves – which we make again and again (mostly very unconsciously) permanently. We constantly make comparisons and constantly generate our very personal interpretations about other people, life, our experiences and ourselves. And this, of course, first on the basis of what we have been taught.

All these interpretations, evaluations and definitions flow to what we call the subconscious and bundle there into beliefs (beliefs). This is called programming; this is how a program is written – and it is we ourselves who write it. Minute by minute for hour for day, months and years.

Beliefs become a program that works continuously without us having to consciously think about things. Belief systems are automatically formed after a certain amount or load of (good or bad) evaluations we have made about our experiences. Beliefs are nothing more than a condensation of evaluation streams that accumulate within us over time.

Each one of us is a creative soul, each one creates his own reality – without exception. And we create with the highest possible commitment: with ourselves.    

However we evaluate ourselves, whatever beliefs and ideas we may develop about ourselves – we ourselves bear the consequences. Because we will then have to live this idea we have about ourselves.      

We usually believe that it is only our experiences – the good and the less good – that influence our ways of thinking and acting. This is only partly true – I mean, of course experiences shape us. But much more important for the subsequent shaping is our personal evaluation of the perceptions and experiences we have made. For an impressive imprint a certain form of meaning is necessary. Meanings do not exist „just like that“, a meaning is created by weighting. By different evaluations within a certain context and by the feeling or an emotion that co-creates this evaluation. I have to evaluate things in order for them to have a meaning for me personally. This means that the meaning that any things, situations, people, and diverse experiences have for us is co-determined and shaped by ourselves.

Of course, when we are young and inexperienced, we will usually „blindly“ follow the definitions and evaluations that we have been taught. No matter how good, healthy, disabling, limiting or valuable they are. As we get older, we will probably realize at some point how many of these are not really ours. Then, at some point, we will probably make adjustments and think differently.

For example, if we often had the experience of being criticized as a child, we will develop an „inner critic“ over time. Considering the fact that there is a psychological study that says that a child up to the age of 5 is criticized about 40,000 times, we can safely assume that almost everyone develops an „inner critic“. The „Inner Critic“ emerges as a kind of protective function for the child.

He criticizes with the „good intention“ of sparing the child further criticism, which of course does not work. The Inner Critic is usually associated with a parent’s voice or that of another important caregiver. And what they say must be true, right? We quickly make the experience that we can rarely meet the requirements and so we develop additional feelings of guilt and shame. The heard criticism, together with the emotional reaction in us, leads to an often traumatic impact in our consciousness. The more often this happened, the more often we were criticized, the more often we felt shame about it, the more a conviction structure condenses and bundles itself in us, which approximately says: You are not valuable, you are not enough, you are … blah-blah-blah. We then believe that.

The vehemence and psychological scope of this „inner critic“ may vary individually, but the point is: You create a thought form that will accompany you and tell you unpleasant things about yourself until you start to stop and find a way to stop it. Because – you are hitting yourself …

In eastern spiritual traditions the „monkey mind“ has been blamed for centuries. The „stupid (monkey) mind“ that just does what it wants – as if it had its own life and its own decisions that have nothing to do with you. The solution to this problem was then – just don’t judge anymore. This is in my eyes a very immature idea, because the mind has no own ideas and no own consciousness – it is a function, like a kind of operating system, which does, repeats and executes what WE have given it to work. Our brain works with what it is offered.

And if we keep making devaluations about ourselves, what will keep coming up?

No matter how much other people may criticize you. No one can criticize you as badly, rob you of your own value and strength as you rob yourself. The consequence of this will be that we will be plagued by countless fears, physical tensions and insecurities – which will of course also be triggered by the outer world. The outer world always reflects our inner world in a special way. If you get criticism from the outside, it will most likely bring up the old shame inside you, which reflects the conviction that you are worth nothing. This in turn will throw up another chain of self-critical thoughts, which are usually suppressed as quickly as possible.      

As long as we are still unconscious, we will devalue the other and call him an asshole because he makes us feel that way. But it really hits us, because deep inside of us there is a conviction that correlates – even if only a little – with this criticism. That’s why it hurts, because something in us says – that’s right. No matter how wrong that may be. It is inside of us. The person in question may still be an asshole, but he is not responsible for how I feel about it. The statements trigger and activate the content, which we ourselves have already evaluated countless times in this or similar ways (for whatever reason) and also hide it from ourselves. If this is touched, it hurts. If we had no subject with it, it would not hurt so much.

But you only check it after you have worked your ass off on your topic. Not before – as long as we are only focused on the outer world and its dynamics, we are more likely to make classifications and evaluations that are based on a victim and perpetrator spiral. Me, the poor victim and the evil perpetrator.

Sure, from the outside it looks the same in its EFFECT. But there is always a complex dynamic behind it that has unfolded. We can either learn something important about ourselves from it or we simply repeat and repeat and repeat this dynamic. And we will repeat it if we are not aware of it.        

I know this has been a very strong example of how you create your own reality. An example that can show us that the esoteric idea that everyone creates their reality quasi-consciously is quite unrealistic. We create a lot of unconscious dynamics and weird behaviors because at some point we just didn’t know better. Because basically nobody taught us how to deal with ourselves. And so it is in most cases, life is based on trial and error dynamics when we know very little about how our own system operates.

As long as we do not deal with our own consciousness and inner world, we simply take for „God-given“ who we are and how we think about ourselves. So much mindfuck accumulates there and also the images and ideas we have about relationships, success, money, politics and thousands of other ideas are based on various evaluations and definitions that we have very rarely questioned. Most of the time they simply do not apply (anymore).

As you can see, we are actually deep inside the topic of „self-love“ (whatever that may mean).

Namely: How do I deal with myself?    

How we think about ourselves, how we evaluate ourselves and how we feel with ourselves has an enormous importance for our personal development. It also has a great influence on which connections our brain synapses develop, which ones we expand or whether some of them are broken at all. The state of our brain and all its connections correlate closely with our thoughts and emotions, as well as our actions.      

The axis of meaning

We cannot do without ratings!

I have to rate something as great, exciting, important, boring, euphoric, insignificant, desirable, aborting, likeable, good or bad (etc; etc.) in order for it to have this meaning for me at all. Through evaluations, like „yes, I like“ or „no you, don’t bother“. Evaluations, how difficult or easy the respective situation is or was for us to cope with. Ratings, how to deal with it in the future – acceptance, affirmation or avoidance. These evaluations are made on the basis of permanent comparisons between past and present. And they are extrapolated to future developments.  This feeds our expectations of how things will happen in the future …

As mentioned above, there are of course also meanings whose context has been shaped by other people or society. Because they are simply taken over and regarded as „given facts“. Every meaning has a kind of weight. How heavy it is depends on how important we consider those who taught and taught us various meanings. But a really strong weight they get from us, if it really concerns us and we make an experience about it. Until then, it has more of an abstract meaning, the weight of which has been shaped by others.

The weighting of a meaning is usually only given when we have experience with it and have repeatedly given the same or at least similar evaluations of it. OR relatively quickly, as soon as we are violently „hit“ by an emotional wave – positive or negative in nature.  

EMOTION IS A RESPONSE TO WHATEVER WE BELIEVE IS TRUE

Every emotion and feeling is a reflection of the energy of negative or positive judgement that we have defined and put into it. Emotions are reaction patterns that show us what we believe in. We condition the way we feel. And this means that a feeling or an emotion does not necessarily have to be true.  But it feels very, very true. Sometimes so true, so devastating, depressing and depressingly true that you get stuck in it for a long time. You can also forget about the highly praised „gut feeling“ – because that too is based on resonances that have a connection to any kind of meaning and judgement. Sometimes they are correct, sometimes they are just avoidance, rejection or fear. Also „gut feeling“ is something you can only rely on if you are emotionally relatively clear.

Emotions contain a certain definition, the core of which is a wide range of evaluations that have formed into a conviction. This is the origin, the root of all emotions and also the reason why emotions can sometimes be violent and so overwhelming. The content cascade of countless mental and emotional evaluations is so extensive that we can feel overwhelmed by the respective charge of emotion. Emotions are the first and fastest reaction of our system to flush content – i.e. information from the subconscious – upwards. Imagine if all the thoughts and evaluations we have ever made on a topic suddenly appeared in our waking consciousness – I think that would be much more confusing.

That is why I never tire of emphasizing the value of feeling work. When I am „buried“ by emotional things, I sit down and sit with the emotion – I follow it to the center of (my own) hell. At some point the tangle of meaning unravels and I understand the definition behind it. And then I have the opportunity to see – is this now REALLY true? If so, is it still true now? Very often there are unresolved issues that reach far back into childhood. An emotion that hits you now can be an original situation or experience from childhood, with all the definitions given to it, some of which have – even if only slight – similarities to the current situation. The similarity is enough to trigger the emotional field.

Knowing the definition allows me to make a new assessment – either to reinforce and respond to it or to add a new perspective. This allows me to update my emotional content and my evaluation stream. In order for this to work, I have to sit with the emotion in question until it is halfway discharged. Charge = all of the given evaluations and received feelings. Sometimes this happens quickly, sometimes it can take months or even years. If energy has been put into something for years, it does not dissolve overnight.

Our assessments are rarely made by purely cognitive, logical or clear, sober conclusions alone. We judge situations not only by factual and cognitive criteria, but also how we feel about them. How we feel with it in turn directly reflects our underlying thoughts and beliefs. And the respective emotional perception will in turn lead to certain thoughts and evaluations about them. In this way, our beliefs are condensed. All of this flows incessantly into our „subconscious“, this is how we write our story.

We not only evaluate, we also evaluate our evaluations and our emotions in addition. This reinforces the whole pattern even more. So most of our evaluations have become „self-runners“. We do not question them. They simply continue.

We evaluate almost every perception, every thought, every feeling, every emotion:

The sky is blue – feels good. It is raining – rather bad. It is hot – shit. It is cold – shit. I have to go to work – fuck. The neighbor – is friendly, sexy, annoying, exhausting, cheeky, creepy – whatever. I am in a relationship – super. I’m in a relationship – my god, what was I thinking? A look in the mirror shows – I’m too thin, too fat, too big, too small, have too big/small breasts, have too little/too many muscles, everyone else looks better/worse than me.

I like Rock ’n Roll music/all brass music lovers are morons. Classical music is for snobs. My boyfriend/girlfriend has left me – my god, it feels so shitty/ jeez, I’m so glad about that. I have no money in the bank – my life is boring. I have no money in the bank – at least I don’t have any debts.

There are thousands of different evaluations we make about ourselves and things. The beliefs we have accumulated over the course of our lives are so deeply rooted in us that we are not even aware of them. This happens so fast within us that we are very, very rarely consciously aware of it. We simply take them as a given reality and overlook the fact that we ourselves formed this reality. With our evaluations we condition our personal reality and the kind of person we are. How we evaluate ourselves forms the personality we perceive ourselves as. The personality that we are attracts certain experiences because of their belief patterns. So yes, we all create our own reality …

As we evaluate, so do things appear to us. No matter what kind of beliefs we have, they tend to confirm themselves. We always find confirmation of what we believe.

Of course, we always have the choice to say – „well, I don’t like my reality and I’m going to sit in my corner defiantly, it’s not my fault“. Mostly, however, life forces us to continue learning, to adapt and to change. Sometimes in an absolutely unpleasant way – through pain, trauma or we are confronted with difficult diseases. With everything that gives us the opportunity to pause and realize that we have to go INSIDE to face the many challenges of human existence. Mostly we will only emerge stronger if we redefine ourselves.

No matter why we get stuck in something – we ourselves are the root. Only from there change can happen. If we do not change ourselves, our life, our reality, cannot change.

Alright! Then I just start to think differently!

Good luck with it.

Will not work.

Forget it!

I mean, if you don’t have a big issue with it, if you don’t have a serious emotional charge attached to it – then, yes, it can work. At least it’s a small start. But if that’s not the case, you will just have many and long „discussions“ and arguments against one of your „inner voices“. You will not win this fight this way. This is war with yourself and will only aggravate your inner condition.

Our evaluations are a decision from which perspective we choose to see things. Of course, this means that we can make and give other, new decisions, i.e., new evaluations regarding EVERYTHING. But as long as we have not discharged „the old“, as long as we are not clear about the definitions we have made – about whatever – we will be maltreated by the „old stuff“ of our old creation. That is the incredible power we have, we make LIVING and experiencing what we believe. And what we believe in, comes about through our very personal stream of evaluation.      

The experience of our human personality is a flowing process that is never really complete, because there are so many possibilities and perspectives that we can experience ourselves again and again. We are not a rigid, fixed matter – it sometimes only appears that way. There is a lot of room to readjust or change that. It is possible to make new, better, clearer evaluations about ourselves. But sometimes this is one of the hardest transformation processes one can undergo.

Refine your inner world and you refine your reality

Basically we are never „finished“ unless we stop learning.

Until next time same station

DISCLAIMER:

Nothing you read here is THE truth. It is my truth, my perception and how I see things – now, in this moment.

THE INFORMATION SPACE

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 131 Thoughts

Eren what the fuck.

Like.

What in the actual fuck, my dude.

There are parts of this that make sense.

Then there are the parts that absolutely do not, and it’s all wrapped up in this chapter where, as previous chapter posts predicted, people are screaming and dying.

Since that’s pretty much the majority of the content, I guess we have the luxury of a short post that almost entirely focuses on Eren.

With added Annie and Armin. They can go at the start, I guess. They exist, they are cute if you’re into that, they’re also dumb and mopey if you’re into that, Paths make for a great radio, and just generally

WHAT THE FUCK, EREN.

Did I already talk about Rebellion? Is that a thing I did in these past few months? -checks- Damn it. Not that the well can’t be visited again, since it’s very obviously appropriate, but twice in two months starts to look like the laziness that is indeed threatening to take me.

-spins the wheel-

Okay then, let’s talk about Anakin Skywalker.

Cool dude. Rad kid. Born into slavery. Freed from slavery by a dude with magical plot magic who immediately dies. Inherits dude’s desire for him to follow the leanings of the religious sect responsible for plot magic. Has hormones and has a meltdown over having hormones, and also feelings, and proceeds to protect everything he loves so hard that it burns to the ground while someone he eventually throws into a pit laughs maniacally in the background.

It’s mainly that last part that is arguably relevant to today.

Anakin is terrified of losing his wife in childbirth. Instead of contacting a doctor, he decides that it’s best to rely on himself. Plus shady mentor. His fear turns into a longing for a power to destroy that fear, and the combination drives him to the Dark Side. When he starts demolishing the very things he wanted to protect, he digs in deeper. For twenty years, he kills, and kills, and kills, because he can’t admit he was wrong.

(Clone Wars is a good show, if anyone is interested. It fleshes the emotional weight of the script out, and makes the horror and tragedy stab you in the heart.)

I can’t say that I entirely hate this for Eren. I don’t particularly like how it’s been presented, but that might just be the part of me that looks at the “GENOCIDE IS THE ONLY OPTION” button lit up on his forehead and finds it so fundamentally disagreeable that I haven’t been looking at it even when the plot tells me that’s what it is.

Here’s the thing: Genocide is presented as a feasible course of action all throughout this series. From Zeke, from Marley, from Paradis; whoever’s pitch you want to listen to, a conclusion everyone always comes to is that it would be easier if all of these people causing problems would just die.

They can make that happen. They have the technology.

Marley is a cesspit. The moral cost means nothing to them.

Zeke is abused, traumatized, and molded into thinking death is a mercy.

Floch survives, and teaches himself that the evil he lives through needs to be repaid in full.

Kill, kill, kill. If something stands in your way, murder it.

This is a concept of horror to the characters who are establishing the moral center of the tale. They’ve killed people. They’ve fought to the death against people who would gladly see them die. The titans are their victimized kin, and all they can do for the greater good is put them down.

They’re tiny humans trapped in a cage, and they’re just trying to get out. Whenever they try, their jailers try to eat them. That is forever what Paradis is attempting, and whenever they do try to lessen the amount of violence in their tactics, they get fucked over by the plot. As much as the story can, it’s thrown the main Paradis cast into the light of being innocent victims who are just trying to defend themselves.

The whole series is a study in the damage genocide has caused.

Nothing excuses it.

There is no motive that justifies this scale of premeditated violence.

There is the fear that one day the people who belong to you will be victims, and the only way to stop them from being victims is to make victims of everyone else. Kill or be killed.

In self-defense.

Defending from an attack that might never come.

Genocide is not an option that has ever deserved a seat at the table.

Why don’t we just kill everyone off?

Why not erase everyone’s memories of it?

Why not continue to use this power to herd everyone into our vision of what the world should be like?

Why not say that we deserve life so much more than any other living creature on the planet?

The entire story tells us why.

From the very first chapter, we’re exposed to the violence and terror of an uncaring world devouring anyone unfortunate enough to be on the outskirts of what supposedly greater people have decided is most important. Eren’s entire home is destroyed because some children kick down a wall. The people in the core of those same walls are disturbed, but send out their lesser to be fed to the monsters so that they can continue living.

Karl Fritz locks everyone away on an island and tells them the world has ended.

Anyone who is too curious, or too interested in beginning a new world, is killed. They’re robbed of their memories or their life. The remaining Ackermans are alive because they were too far away from the true history of the world to actually know anything.

Marley, the whipping boy of the Eldian Empire, finds its escape through Karl’s mercy, and immediately mimics the way of life that has caused them so much pain. Titans continue to run rampant in the world, simply with different reins. They redefine what’s acceptable based on who’s pulling the trigger.

Every single major plot point comes back to the ruin that perpetrating genocide has conceived.

Nothing is fixed by saving Marley from Eldia. Marley chooses to renew the evil.

Nothing is fixed by Karl walking away from the world. He just picks on smaller targets.

Nothing is fixed by pretending this is a solution.

The series’ history is a cycle of people grabbing power and tormenting their enemies with it. It shows no sign of stopping. It takes Paradis a hundred years, but they go from a blank slate of a starting point to producing someone ready to destroy the world.

Nothing suggests that another hundred years won’t do the same.

We have seen this all before. The only difference is that Eren is trying to commit to a large enough scale that no one alive will have the kind of grudges that will produce this fuckery.

It is vile.

This is not a defensible course of action. Some things are simply wrong, and even without morality coming into play, we’ve spent years reading an object lesson in the consequences of this behavior.

This horror is where Eren comes from.

Eren is not special.

He is a normal human born into this world.

His actions are ones that any other person could duplicate.

Not easily, and not without a great deal of coincidence, but nothing about Eren makes this a choice that only he can make. His power is borrowed, and no matter how he dies, that death means there will be a next person in line.

He isn’t ending a fucking thing. He’s become a cog in the machine that broke him.

So that’s the starting point. Even if killing younglings did have a logical undercurrent, no. No, no, a million times no. Eren chooses this. Eren causes this. Eren picks genocide without anyone putting a gun to his head. Eren picks genocide when he has access to a power that could easily discourage anyone from attacking his home for years.

He chooses to murder people.

Because he’s afraid, and because he can.

Then we get to what I find infinitely more interesting:

Eren doesn’t want this.

In the present day, we have an Eren who no longer has a body, and what amounts to a hallucination of his younger self, dreaming of a world hidden away in a book. His physical self has its eyes closed, and his younger self looks more alive than Eren has in ages. He isn’t looking at the damage he causes, just the open sky.

In the past, we have Eren bawling apologies to a boy he meets once. We have an Eren who realizes that this world is one that has let him down, and that, completely outside protecting his home, is what makes him want it gone.

This doesn’t just happen.

Eren wants it to happen.

Eren looks at this world that wants him and everyone like him dead, and he wants it to be like the book. No mention of other people -- other people aren’t in the outside world anymore. Just beautiful scenery, and the freedom to enjoy it.

He can’t have that, and it hurts. He’s been through Annie, Reiner, and Bertolt. He’s lost friends and seen even more people die protecting him. He’s lost limbs and sleep and sanity to see a world beyond the walls.

It’s a world that wants nothing to do with him.

And Eren, who has rejected that line of thinking since he was a child, rejects the entire world.

He can’t dress it up.

Deep down, he doesn’t like the world he’s going to destroy.

He’s known for four years that he’s going to end countless lives.

He walks off Paradis’ ship knowing that.

But when he sees this world, he does want it gone.

Knowing what he’s going to do is one thing; seeing the beginning of a reason for it is what drives him to his knees. It isn’t some strange inevitability of the future. He’s the one who does this, and behind every bit of love for his friends and Paradis, there’s the knowledge that this world, where so many people live lives just like his, is one he’d liked better in a dream where none of them existed.

And that is where the plot thread loses me.

Not because any of this is something that I find particularly outlandish. There’s a plain, hysterical logic to it, and a small fraction of identifying with that logic has Eren in tears.

Eren does this.

There is no evidence of him wanting it.

He sees the shadow of want in himself, and he freaks out.

Eren of the present is dissociating so hard I don’t view his childhood hallucinations as a stable mind choosing something.

Eren of the past is continually horrified that this is going to happen.

If I had a tablet, this is where there would be a bad drawing of present Eren and past Eren, linked by an unstable line of red question marks.

I don’t have a tablet.

I do have Paint.

In the immortal words of an angry fictional nine-year-old, “If you don’t fight, we can’t win.”

In the immortal words of a very sad fictional nineteen-year-old, “I don’t know when in the future it will happen... But I... am going to kill every one of these people...”

Eren going full villain is a choice, I guess. It’s not a very interesting one. As previously stated, we know what happens in this world when people do a genocide. We also know what happens when the walls go marching. We are now watching a genocide as the walls go marching. There are no revelations here. There’s death and gloom.

I mean this as sincerely as I can: This, on its face, is boring.

Eren is just the latest person killing people for Reasons.

There is very little reason to be invested in that as a plot. As a character drama, there are tears to be shed and hearts to be torn asunder, but as a basic plot??? This has nothing in it.

I don’t personally believe we’ve come this far for nothing, so I apply my magnifying glass where I choose, and where I choose is the part where I believe this all slips:

Eren takes his visions as an inevitability.

He has the conversation with himself, counting out the lives. Paradis versus the world. In a simple game of numbers, the world should win, and he knows that.

Presenting our problem.

Eren can’t accept a future where Paradis, and Eldians, are sacrificed for the world. Paradis is his home, and he’s spent his life fighting for Eldians to be free, even if he doesn’t know them by that name for most of it. In the case of Paradis v World, Paradis wins out. It’s wrong and it’s terrible, and Zeke’s plan means less dead bodies, but he can’t let go of Paradis.

A binary is presented. Paradis can live, or the rest of the world can. Pick one.

Except that’s stupid.

Following this, Eren leans so far into that choice that he does what he can to manufacture an impossibility of any other results. He makes Paradis a priority. He makes Paradis an international concern, not simply a Marley one. He has the power to knock back any assault on the island they can make, but he still goes on offense.

Paradis dies

World dies

That is not the choice. It is the choice Eren locks himself into, but frankly, he doesn’t even try before he jumps at the genocide route.

As a story thing, whatever. Valid, I guess. Let the protagonist’s own misconceptions break him.

As an Eren thing, it falls short of working.

He’s clearly being torn apart by what he’s going to do.

He’s a protagonist who enters the story yelling about people never winning if they don’t enter the ring.

Eren sees a vision of him destroying the world, thinks on it, and effectively goes, “seems legit,” and cries himself to sleep feeling sad about it.

Eren.

You can have your characters fail. You can have them drop their principles one by one until there’s nothing left. You can have their character development be entirely negative. You do not have to have your hero be a Hero.

Eren is appalled by his own feelings, and walking around the world like a zombie. He sees himself ending the world, and plays it back over and over again, never questioning that this is exactly what he’s going to do.

But when he finally starts, there’s not even a trace of this conflict. His eyes light up at the amazing sight he believes is waiting for him. He spits his defiance at Zeke for even suggesting the sterilization plan. He’s still a zombie in every human interaction that happens with his flesh body, but he goes about his plan with an unconcerned ruthlessness that is disconnected from the humanity Eren has spent the whole story personifying.

Arguably, Sasha dying is the tipping point, and that’s where he fully commits, and blah blah blah stuff.

Only defiance, and not bending to anyone else’s will, is the key trait of the Attack Titan. It’s the key trait of Eren. To keep fighting well beyond sense.

This plan’s inception comes from Eren yielding to the inevitable.

He’s going to kill these people.

There is no choice to it, it’s simply what’s going to happen.

Eren has always had a choice. He might not like the options, or know what’s right, but he has always, always known that the decisions he makes are his.

The story is making the case that Eren buys into inevitability so completely that he denies himself freedom.

That isn’t uninteresting, but we don’t see that. We don’t see what convinces Eren that it’s no use fighting. He chooses to save a boy, and his memories of the boy don’t change. Big deal. That’s one kid in four years of choices. As a proof of concept, it’s weak, and it’s weaker still because Eren makes the choice to save him.

None of this was inevitable, but we approach Eren’s actions from the perspective of there being no way out. Maybe if we had even more flashbacks to him trying to change things, and a play-by-play of him slowly realizing that nothing he does changes what he sees --

But even then, if Eren doesn’t want to kill people, he’s allowed not to. He’s allowed to continue working with his friends. He could have told any of them, at any point, that this was an upcoming problem. He’s always trusted Armin’s mind.

Eren hides himself away with his problems and tells himself he can’t fight this.

Bullshit.

I’ve made this argument before, about Historia and Ymir:

If you’re going to have a character renege on a core of their personal identity so completely, you need to put in the legwork of showing how it happens. Otherwise there’s no reason to trust anything the story tells you, and the grand illusion falls to pieces.

The character work in this series has always been solid, even when everything down to the art hasn’t.

This doesn’t quite work.

There’s a compelling case. There’s a viewable logic that pretends to be believable.

The internal consistency is still off. Something’s wrong here, and if it turns out to be the character ball being dropped in the final inning... really, that’s just such a waste. Personal preference colors all of this, obviously, but if this is the whole truth of the matter, it’s boring.

“I still want to believe... that there’s still a world we don’t know about yet out there... past the walls.”

C’mon, Armin. Earn your fandom hatred. Be right one more time.

We’re not done yet.

[bloodraven55]

Dude I just saw the stupidest take of my life, someone waa like ' if you can forgive catra then you should be able to forgive shadow weaver because they are basically the same and catra never really apologized for anything and shadow weaver was also abused' It's like adam apologists all over again shitting on ilia even though she actually had remorse for her actions and tried to make good choices i am a f salt mine today literally fuming :(

Yeah that's some bullshit. See, here's the thing. It's fine if personally you weren't invested in Catra and her story, or if you never cared about her and Adora's relationship. We all have personal preferences and some stuff just won't be to your taste! But you can acknowledge that something is good without liking it yourself, and without trying to twist the facts to prove that your opinion is correct.

So for interest's sake let's break this down point by point.

“[Catra and Shadow Weaver] are basically the same.”

Catra is a highly traumatised teenager who was raised without a single positive role model or example of healthy behaviour, while being put through constant verbal and physical abuse from her guardian/parental figure which made her feel completely worthless and inferior to everyone, and as a result developed self-destructive tendencies and damaging defence mechanisms which caused her to lash out at people to avoid being hurt again.

Shadow Weaver is a fully grown adult who knowingly and insidiously abused and manipulated both Catra and Adora throughout their entire lives up until they were approaching adulthood and previously risked the life of a literal child performing a dangerous spell because of her desire for power clouding her reason. She was never shown to grow up in a horrifically negative environment and the trauma she suffered during the Spell of Obtainment was primarily her own doing.

There's a parallel to Catra in that Shadow Weaver also felt neglected and taken for granted by her mentor figures, but they are not remotely the same.

“Catra never really apologised for anything.”

During Season 5 Catra apologises on no less than three separate occasions (to Adora in S5E3, to Entrapta in S5E6, and again to Adora in S5E8) and she also tries to apologise to Scorpia on two separate occasions but can't because the first time Scorpia is brainwashed and the second time Scorpia hugs her before she can finish. And not a single one of those times does she attempt to justify anything she did, or attempt to put any of the responsibility on other people.

Catra has repeatedly acknowledged her mistakes and sincerely expressed regret for them without any blame shifting or dismissing the pain she caused, and to say otherwise is flat out not true.

“Shadow Weaver was also abused.”

I sort of already covered this, but yeah, this point also doesn't hold up at all. We're shown that Shadow Weaver felt ignored and sidelined by the other sorcerors, but never that she was deliberately stripped of her self esteem and repeatedly mistreated to the point of torture.

Comparing Shadow Weaver's frustration at her colleague's unwillingness to take extreme risks which could have equally severe consequences to Catra being constantly treated like literal garbage and ““punished”” with magic from when she was still just a child is ridiculous.

“Catra's toxicity towards Scorpia was the same as Shadow Weaver's abuse of Adora and Catra.”

They're the same in that neither situation was remotely okay. But again, equating a traumatised victim of child abuse projecting that cycle of abuse onto someone else to the perpetrator of said child abuse who began that cycle in the first place is, uh... Not a Good Take.

This isn't to excuse anything about the way Catra treated Scorpia or anyone else she hurt—those actions were entirely her own and she had to take responsibility for them and face the consequences—but to say those two examples are identical is wrong.

“Shadow Weaver deserved a redemption arc.”

No, she didn't. Because as you say, she never took any of the necessary steps to redeem herself.

Noelle has said that Shadow Weaver's death wasn't a redemption, and I also remember her saying that as far as Shadow Weaver was concerned, once she was working with the Rebellion she considered herself redeemed and one of the good guys. Which is exactly why Shadow Weaver never deserved redemption, because she didn't even understand that she needed to redeem herself.

Shadow Weaver never once hesitated over her decisions or showed any remorse for what she did to Catra and Adora. She never apologised to anyone, and the only truly good thing she ever did was to die so that her victims would be free of her forever. But even then, her “you're welcome” to Catra shows that she still wasn't being truly selfless and felt like she was obligated to some measure of forgiveness for doing the absolute bare minimum.

On the other hand, let's look at some of the main things Catra does in Season 5 as part of her redemption arc.

She saves Glimmer, risking her life and allowing herself to be tortured similarly to how Shadow Weaver used to ““punish”” her with her magic, I might add and brainwashed in an attempt to keep Adora safe.

She chooses to try and discover Horde Prime's plans by looking into his mind using her chip, even though it means reliving a hugely traumatic experience, in an attempt to help Adora and the Rebellion against Horde Prime.

She literally throws herself headfirst into fire with zero hesitation to try and rescue Adora.

She stays behind to fight what is essentially a giant potentially deadly monster alone, once again to protect Adora and hopefully allow her to save Etheria.

She lets herself be physically attacked by members of the Rebellion on multiple occasions without fighting back or holding onto any bitterness over it because she knows it's warranted.

She offers or at least tries to offer genuine apologies to the people she hurt the most (Adora, Entrapta, and Scorpia) without attempting to excuse any of her wrongdoing and without any expectation of forgiveness.

Catra achieves zero personal gain through any of these actions. They are wholly selfless acts, and that's how she proves that she's actually changing for the better. Not with one single instance of doing a decent thing which comes with a “you're welcome” as a final guilt trip, but with repeated good choices which she makes without demanding any sort of reward for them.

To give more examples:

In Episode 3, Catra starts to learn how to apologise for the things she did and express the regret she feels over her actions.

In Episode 6, Catra starts to learn how to let herself be vulnerable, and how to openly and honestly ask for the things she wants instead of assuming other people already know and then lashing out when they don't understand. She also lets Adora set clear boundaries without reacting badly, and manages to share her feelings knowing that Adora might choose to reject her or walk away.

In Episode 8, Catra starts to learn that feeling exposed and embarrassed isn't always a bad thing, and that when the rest of the group tease her it's a sign of them beginning to accept her rather than them mocking her— that they're laughing with her, rather than at her. She also shows that she's making progress towards working through her issues by finding ways to manage her anger rather than lashing out.

In Episode 9, Catra tries to reassure Netossa that Spinnerella will be okay, demonstrating that she's starting to learn how to empathise with other people more and express sympathy for their struggles.

In Episode 10, Catra is willing to go back to the Fright Zone with Adora and the others, a.k.a. return to the place which is the source of most of her trauma, because she knows it's what has to be done.

In Episode 11, Catra decides to go to Mystacor with Adora and the others even though it's Shadow Weaver's idea, a.k.a. follow a plan thought up by the woman who's the source of most of her trauma, because she knows it's what has to be done. She also willingly lets Adora go to the Heart and potentially sacrifice herself which has literally been Catra's greatest fear throughout this entire season, because she accepts that it's Adora's choice to make and finally understands that Adora's priority will always be the greater good and she can't and shouldn't change that.

In Episode 13, Catra chooses to stay by Adora's side no matter what, regardless of whether Adora feels the same way about her, because she's reached a place where she's able to accept that her feelings might not be reciprocated and she still wants to be there for Adora in any way necessary even so— even if it means watching the love of her life die in front of her.

Catra spends the entire season going through the personal growth necessary to become a better person and learn how to have healthy connections with people. She makes the effort to improve time after time and dedicates herself to the ongoing job of breaking her toxic tendencies and making up for everything she did. If you still don't believe that she deserved to find peace and love after all of that then I can't make you, but you can't just ignore everything that happened in the show.

tl;dr - you don't have to like Catra or her arc, but she more than earned her happy ending.