#how that journey has evolved and how that is (in some ways) reflected in their music

[brujamala-aka-gigi]

tarot tea spill session ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

. ݁ hot girl mindset ⨾ ��ִ໋

beauty as a reflection of self instead of the self trying to reflect “beauty”

Okay, so beauty is in the eye of the beholder and etc. And that's right, but many beholders of eyes have pretty unrealistic ideas of beauty. Beauty is subjective, yes, but this subjectivity is also heavily influenced by social discourses which are manufactured to remain unsatisfied and are meant to keep us engaging in a constant struggle to find our perfect aesthetic peak, and maintain it.  Although visual communication by engaging in aesthetic expressions of self is useful, from time to time it's hard to find out what exactly is the self we want to express. In no way I think wanting to be attractive is vain or superficial, I don't think looking for beauty is some sort of vapid journey. But I do think that in the same way paintings are beautiful not only for what's perceived by the eyes but also because of the feelings, thoughts, history and overall the aura they possess, human beauty can be approached in that way too. Some art pieces and some humans are not meant to appeal to everyone, but the ones who they appeal to are profoundly captivated by the depths of their meaning and their unique ways of communicating it.  These readings hopefully will give you some inspiration on where you can find the uniqueness and the true essence of what's attractive about you, but not by reducing aesthetics as just something pretty to look at, instead we are approaching this as a search for the meaning behind what could be communicated visually.

dividers by: @the-aesthetics-shop , @dollywons, @cafekitsune

pile one pile two pile three

.‧͙˚ *༓ scroll down for the readings ⋆ִ ‧͙⁺˚

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masterpost ✶ pac readings ✶ ko-fi page

⋆bookings for personal readings are open ཐིཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

໒꒰ྀི 𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒏𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒏𝒆 ꒱ྀི১

The Fool & The Nine Of Disks

Both of these cards show stages of your journey. The fool is usually considered a beginning but I prefer to understand him as the constant creative potential that nothingness gives us; for it to be a beginning there has to be a starting point, and for many of us the starting point is a void we'd like to fill, or something that needs further exploration and understanding by providing meaning to it. This is something that could happen at any point in your journey. Yet as existential and subjective as this card is, usually leading to a more mind focussed approach to reality, the materiality of your spiritual or mental exploration manifests in a grounded sense of ambition. The nine of disks represents how the fruits of your well developed thoughts can manifest in or enhance material prosperity, but in combination with the fool it hints at a constant search for experiences that allow you to feel childlike wonder, and this seems almost like completion feels too close but never close enough. You are willing to evolve through experimentation and furthering the limits of your views and possibilities, but you are also capable of being grounded enough to be aware of what's in your best interest and what can actually be an opportunity for growth.  The beauty in you shows when you are embracing these journeys of self exploration and putting value in all the stages of your own personal development. How you feel while doing stuff isn't all that relevant, you could be ingenious, creative, naive, secure, anxious, angry or ambitious about what you do, but what really matters is that you are able to remain confident in your ability to navigate the feelings and the adversities from it; there are consequences implied (positive and negative) to the actions you take in order to become more comfortable and aligned with your ideals. Therefore, the best way to communicate this experiential based establishment of identity, it’s to explore and experiment with aesthetics until you establish a way in which you can visually communicate all the complexities of your identity, without limiting yourself to aiming for a perfectly curated presence. Allow yourself to make aesthetic choices that align with what you are going through as a person, but also don’t hesitate to choose elements of high value that could function as a reward you give yourself.

໒꒰ྀི 𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒏𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒘𝒐 ꒱ྀི১

The Lovers & Seven of Disks

Honestly, these are lovely cards to get on this reading, pretty wholesome. Not because the lovers mean love and romance and so on, they do sometimes, but in this case I think it would be necessary to focus on the union and alignment that comes with the energy of this card. What I get from it is that you are naturally inclined to find connections between things that other people usually look to balance out, things that are usually thought as opposite to each other. Instead of that, you are capable of working with polarity in your life because you understand that putting in the work to ensure these apparent opposites are actually mutually nurturing each other or cooperating to further evolve, is what brings you a sense of natural harmony. Your instinctive need to find order and structures that embrace innate essential expressions of being, is something quite aligned with values such as perseverance, faith, gratitude, honest labor and most importantly, solidarity. For these reasons,the seven of disks indicates to me that you are someone who is willing to put in a lot of time, effort and work to create bonds with people, places, communities and activities, where everyone is having a positive impact on each other's aspirations and achievements. Taking this into consideration, first and foremost it is clear that no matter how you choose to express your aesthetic taste, it’s likely your virtues overshine any beauty that’s easily perceived by the eye. That being said, I would also point at the fact this also means there’s no need to feel insecure or overthink too much about if everyone else likes the way you look. Your actions and your warm presence speak louder than any kind of aesthetic choice that could be liked or disliked. Take your time to think about what are the elements you enjoy wearing or the beauty habits that could be positive. Choose beauty when it feels genuinely convenient and positive to you, only to you. I don’t think being conventionally attractive or deemed as beautiful by everyone is the best way to compensate or balance out anything you considered negative, but I do think that approaching aesthetics or any kind of beauty related activities as a little tool to take time for yourself, could be quite useful. Remember, appeal to yourself, to your eyes first. "Vanity" can be relaxing and/or empowering as long as it doesn't get in the way of your genuine desires and objectives. Embrace and enhance what feels true to you, be intuitive when dealing with your personal aesthetics.

໒꒰ྀི 𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒏𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆 ꒱ྀི১

Ace of Wands & The Hanged Man

Okay definitely you are someone who is not afraid to go outside of people's standards or even your own when you are empowered by creativity. This combination of cards brings an outstanding and innovative approach to constructing ideas and taking action by being able to see all perspectives before crafting your own; there’s a heavy sense of complex integrity and depth to everything you do. You know when to be an observer and when to be a protagonist, you are comfortable in both and let’s be real, it's most likely that you don’t need others to give you the spotlight, as you are providing it by yourself for yourself. Attention naturally goes to you due to your passionate energy and your individuality. For better or for worse somehow it's pretty common for you to stand out, even if you don’t mean to. Many people try or have tried to single you out, or to force you out of places where your perspectives might generate discomfort. I doubt it is your intention to cause friction by existing according to ideals that many people don’t quite get or are unwilling to understand or tolerate. But I’m also pretty sure that you have the confidence and the knowledge to stand for what makes you distinct from others. These cards are conjunct in a way that shows me that you are aware of how to put a little bit of yourself and your creativity even when there’s restrictions to self expression. If you are interested in also taking an intricate, unique and maybe antithetical approach to aesthetics, make sure you find the right places and the right people to share this journey with. Sometimes eccentricity allows others to impose limits and judgments against us that are not worth the struggle, other times it is quite worth it to visually go against norms. I believe you are capable of understanding how and when to use all the tools and methods from people who inspire your creative processes, therefore I'm sure that you will truly bring necessary and valuable approaches to dissidence and defiance communicated by aesthetics, but also you will get closer to people who are drawn to you because you can look just as interesting and insightful as your thoughts are. It seems to me that aesthetics can serve you as a way to further develop your creative visions but also to find more like minded people who are not going to make you feel like an outsider. 

masterpost ✶ pac readings ✶ personal readings

✶ ko-fi page ✶

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆ available for personal readings ⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

btw after finishing this p.a.c i realized this would be a cool reading to provide as a personal service. so, here's the essence of beauty reading and a 40% off discount to it.

much love, gigi.

[andoutofharm]

from now on we are enemies vs miss missing you vs the last of the real ones

pete talking about miss missing you, the last of the real ones / amadeus summary / patrick talking about miss missing you / kerrang

[mysticinsightstarot]

☆PAC : CAREER AND FINANCES NEXT 6 MONTHS☆

Pile 1 > Pile 2

Pile 3 > Pile 4

**✨ DISCLAIMER & HOW TO PICK A PILE ✨**🔮

*Disclaimer:* This reading is for entertainment purposes only and is meant to offer guidance and insight into your journey! Remember, tarot is a reflection of potential energies, but your choices and free will ultimately shape your path. 🌿💫 Take what resonates with your heart and leave the rest! You are the creator of your destiny! ✨---**✨

HOW TO PICK A PILE ✨**

1️⃣ Take a few deep breaths, relax, and clear your mind. Focus on your career and finances and what you want to know about the next 6 months. 💼💸🌿

2️⃣ Look at the 4 images (shining open door, compass on a map, glowing light bulb, and tree full of fruit). 🌟 Which one pulls you in? Trust your first instinct! 🔮

3️⃣ The image that calls to you the most holds your message for the next 6 months in your career and finances. 🌟✨

Once you've chosen, scroll down to the reading that aligns with your pile for your personalized insight! 💖✨

💫✨ Pile 1: The Shining Open Door ✨💫 You picked the pile with the glowing door—oh, I see you’re READY to step into something BIG! 🌟 Let’s dive into what’s ahead in your career and finances because, honey, things are about to shift! 🚀

1. Current Energy: Queen of Swords & King of Swords 👑⚔️ Whew, talk about power couple vibes—but it’s ALL YOU! 💪 You’re rocking both your logical side and your fierce independence. The Queen is telling me you’re super clear on your goals, cutting through the fluff, and making decisions like a BOSS LADY (or boss dude 😉). The King shows that you're also in complete control of your mental game—your mind is sharp, and your vision is crystal clear. Double swords = serious focus and balance between intellect and emotions. Yasss, no one’s messing with your boundaries or your vision right now! 🔥🔪

2. Opportunity: Two of Wands 🌍🤔 It’s decision time, boo! You’ve got a HUGE opportunity ahead that involves looking beyond where you are now. Are we talking overseas ventures 🌏 or simply a big career move? This is your “make a plan and conquer” card. The world is literally in your hands, and now you’ve just gotta decide which path is calling your name. 👑 The shining door is OPEN, and it’s saying, “Step through, but choose wisely!” 💡

3. Challenge: Death 🖤⚡ Before you gasp—this isn’t about literal death, it’s TRANSFORMATION, babe! 🦋 Something in your career or finances has to die (not literally! 😬) so you can fully transform. Maybe it’s an old job, a limiting belief, or even a partnership that isn’t vibing with your higher self anymore. Change can be spooky 👻, but this card says, "Embrace it!" Let go of the old so you can evolve into the next-level version of YOU! 🔥🚀 You got this! 💯

4. Outcome: 7 of Cups & 6 of Cups 💫🍬👶 Oooh, choices, choices! 😍 The 7 of Cups says you’re gonna have A LOT of options coming your way (think candy store level options 🍭)! But be careful, not all of them are as sweet as they seem. Some might be glittering distractions, and you don’t want to get stuck in that confusion. 🤔 The 6 of Cups is bringing in a more nostalgic, sweet energy—maybe an opportunity from the past reappears? 🌸 Or someone from your past (a mentor, a colleague, or even a childhood dream) is going to help guide you toward the right cup. Trust your intuition and choose the one that fills your heart the most. 💖✨

Bottom of the Deck: Ace of Cups 🌊💙 Awww, look at that! The Ace of Cups says this whole journey is leading to a brand-new emotional beginning. Whether it’s finding a career path you LOVE or something that sparks passion in your work, this is a whole new level of fulfillment! 🌟 It’s all about filling your own cup first and letting those good vibes overflow into everything you do. Self-love, baby, and trust that this opportunity is gonna make your heart sing! 🎶💧💖

Get ready to slay the game! ⚔️👑 Your career and finances are transforming into something new and powerful, and it’s all in your hands now. ✨ The door is open—are you ready to step through? 🔑🌟

🌸💼 Pick another pile or send a love offering to the tarot spirits (me 👀) if this resonated with you! 🎉💖 #CareerVibes #ManifestingSuccess #BossMode

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Pile 2 (Compass on Map):

✨🧭 Pile 2: The Compass on the Map 🧭✨ Oooooh, you picked the pile with the compass! 🔮💫 This is ALL about finding your true direction, bb! The universe is guiding you toward something amazing, and trust me, you’re about to LEVEL UP in ways you didn’t expect! Let’s take a peek into your future career glow-up, and honey, the wands energy here is SPICY 🔥🍃!

1. Current Energy: Ace of Wands 🌟🔥 OMG, YES!! You’re in full-on go mode right now! 🚀 This Ace is all about passion, inspiration, and new beginnings. You’ve got a burning idea inside you, and it’s like the universe just handed you a cosmic match to light it up! 💡✨ You’re feeling creative, ready to make bold moves, and so full of ENERGY it’s electric. ⚡️ Whether it's a new project, career path, or just you vibing with your creative genius—GET IT! 🔥🌿

2. Opportunity: Ace of Cups 💧💖 Double Aces?! Okay, the universe is literally pouring opportunities into your lap! 💦 This is something that’s going to fill your heart with pure joy! 🌸 Whether it’s a new job you’ll fall in love with or a chance to work on something that ignites your soul, this card says, “Embrace it, babe!” 💖 It’s about connecting with what truly makes you happy, and maybe, just maybe, aligning career and personal fulfillment. 💼💖 Passion meets heart—talk about a dream opportunity!!! 💫💧

3. Challenge: Justice, Wheel of Fortune & Six of Wands ⚖️🎡🏆 Whoa, hold up, THREE cards here for your challenge?! Okay, let’s break it down! 🔍

Justice says you’ve gotta keep things balanced. Maybe there’s something legal or contractual in your career that needs fairness (look out for contracts or deals, bb!). ⚖️ Don't worry—just make sure everything's fair and aligned with your values.

Wheel of Fortune means things are spinning fast! 🎡 Luck is on your side, but it’s a wild ride, so hold on tight and ride those career waves! 🌊 You’re on the brink of big change, and it might feel like a rollercoaster. 🎢 Stay grounded!

Six of Wands is like, "Oh hey, don’t forget you're a winner!" 🏆 But be careful not to let success go to your head. 🌟 Humble queen vibes will take you far, just stay true to yourself, and victory is guaranteed. 👑💪

4. Outcome: 9 of Wands, 4 of Pentacles, Knight of Wands, Queen of Wands & 4 of Wands 🔥👑🎉 OMG, this outcome is a total powerhouse of energy! 🔥 Get ready for a rollercoaster of action and success:

Nine of Wands says you’re feeling a bit tired from the hustle—but don’t give up! 🏋️‍♀️ You’re almost there!

Four of Pentacles is a reminder to hold onto your resources and not overspend or over-invest just yet. 💰 Patience, love!

Knight of Wands is YOU charging forward, full steam ahead, pursuing your goals with fiery passion. 🐎💨 Think bold moves, fast results!

Queen of Wands is ultimate BOSS energy! 🧡✨ You’re about to own your space, radiating confidence and magnetism. People can’t help but notice you!

Four of Wands HELLOOO celebration vibes! 🎉🎊 This is you reaching a major milestone, like a promotion, career achievement, or even a new home or office space. It’s all about success, stability, and joy!

Bottom of the Deck: Page of Wands 📩🔥 Oooh, the Page of Wands at the bottom says you’re entering a phase of super exciting communication and fresh ideas! 💬🔥 Expect some news soon—whether it’s a job offer, a new project, or an opportunity to collaborate with someone exciting. The universe is like, “Go for it, bb!” 🚀 You’ve got the vision, the drive, and now… it’s time to take action and run with it!

Summary: 🔮✨ Get ready for a passionate new beginning that aligns your creativity and heart! You’re stepping into big opportunities (seriously, double aces?!!!), and while the road might be a little bumpy, you’re destined for success! Just balance those scales ⚖️, keep pushing through the challenges 💪, and soon you’ll be celebrating 🎉 like the Queen/King of your career kingdom!

🌟💼 Drop a comment or hit me up if you feel this energy! Let's ride the Wheel of Fortune together! 🔥🍃 #CareerGlowUp #LevelingUp #CreativePassion #ManifestingSuccess

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Pile 3 (Light Bulb Glowing):

💡✨ Pile 3: The Light Bulb Glowing 💡✨ Yasss, you picked the glowing light bulb! 🌟 The universe is about to shine some serious truth into your life, but ooooh, honey, it might get a little wild before things brighten up. 🌪️ Let’s break down what’s coming in your career and finances because this pile is all about BIG revelations and shaking off the old to welcome the new. Hold on tight, bb, it’s gonna be a ride! 🌀💡

1. Current Energy: 9 of Swords 😱💤 Oooh, sweetie, you’ve been STRESSING. 🥲 The 9 of Swords is serving up anxiety central—are you losing sleep over career decisions or financial worries? 😩 It’s like you’re overthinking EVERYTHING, replaying scenarios in your mind at 3 AM like a bad soap opera. 🎬 But here’s the tea: your worries are bigger in your head than they are in real life. 🧠✨ The light bulb is about to switch on, and things will start making sense soon. Hang in there, bb! 🖤💫

2. Opportunity: 2 of Swords & Ace of Swords ⚔️💡 Okay, so the 2 of Swords says you’re at a crossroads, but guess what? You’ve been avoiding making a choice! 🙈 Whether it's a new job, a financial decision, or a major life move, it’s time to rip off the blindfold, babe! 🚨 The Ace of Swords swoops in with a FLASH of clarity! ⚡✨ This is your a-ha moment, the truth you’ve been waiting for—it's like a light bulb 💡 finally going on over your head! You’re gonna cut through all the confusion, sharpen your focus, and see the path CLEARLY. 🔥 You’ll be making decisions like a total boss. ⚔️

3. Challenge: The Tower 🌪️💥 OMG, here comes the Tower—total SHAKE-UP energy! 🏰⚡ Don’t panic, bb! This card says that whatever is falling apart was meant to go. 💨 Maybe your current job or financial situation needs a complete teardown so you can rebuild from scratch. 🧱 The universe is like, “Honey, we’re tearing down the old to make space for the NEW.” 🔄 Embrace the chaos, because it’s leading you to something SO much better. This is the card of divine intervention, where things might get a little wild… but trust me, it’s for your highest good! 💣💫

4. Outcome: Wheel of Fortune 🎡🔮 YASS, here we GO! The Wheel of Fortune is spinning in your favor, baby! 💫 This is BIG karmic energy—what goes up must come down, and vice versa. 🎡 Your luck is turning, and the universe is pushing you toward your destiny. Expect some unexpected changes (but this time, the good kind! 🙌), whether it’s a surprise job offer, a financial breakthrough, or a lucky opportunity. 🍀 You’re stepping into a whole new cycle, bb! Keep your vibes high because fortune is on YOUR side! 🎉✨

Bottom of the Deck: 4 of Pentacles 💰🛑 Okay, so the 4 of Pentacles lurking at the bottom says you might be holding on a little too tight. 🏦💰 Whether it’s fear of losing money or clinging to an old job or security, you need to let go a bit, love. 🙅‍♀️ Don’t be afraid to invest in yourself or take a risk—you can’t grow by staying in your comfort zone! 🔄 Trust that the universe has your back and that letting go of control will open you up to receiving MORE abundance. 💸✨

Summary: 💡⚡ This spread is all about breakthroughs! You’ve been feeling stressed and stuck, but the universe is about to give you that “A-HA” moment you need. ⚔️ Even though the Tower might shake things up, it’s clearing the path for your destiny to unfold, and the Wheel of Fortune says you’re about to enter a super lucky phase! 🍀 Just don’t hold on too tight to the past, bb—let that light bulb glow and illuminate your way forward! 💡✨

💫🌟 Hit me up if this reading resonated, and let’s ride this Wheel of Fortune together! 💫 #BreakthroughVibes #DestinyCalling #KarmicShift #GlowUpJourney #LetGoAndGrow

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Pile 4 (Tree Full of Fruit):

🍎🍃 Pile 4: The Tree Full of Fruit 🍃🍎 OMG, y’all, you chose the fruit tree?! 🍑🌳 Get ready because the universe is about to shower you with blessings like it’s RAINING FRUIT! 🍒🍓 This pile is all about hard work paying off and those juicy rewards coming in HOT! 💥 Let’s take a bite of this reading and see what’s coming for you in career and life abundance! 🍏✨

1. Current Energy: 10 of Wands 💼🔥 OK, bb, the 10 of Wands shows you’ve been carrying A LOT of weight lately—like, a whole tree’s worth of responsibility! 🌳💼 Maybe you’ve been juggling a million things at work or grinding to the max in your career, and now you’re feeling BURNT OUT. 🥵 Don’t worry, though! You’re about to offload some of that baggage and get the rest you deserve. Take a deep breath—your hard work is about to pay off BIG TIME, but you need to delegate or drop some of those extra “wands” first. 🌿✨

2. Opportunity: 3 of Pentacles 🛠️🌟 Collaborative energy coming in HOT! 🔥 The 3 of Pentacles says there’s a major opportunity coming your way to work with others and build something amazing together! 🤝💼 Maybe it’s a new project or a team effort at work, but whatever it is, it’s going to elevate you to new heights. 🏗️✨ Teamwork makes the dream work, bb! Don’t be afraid to share your vision and ideas with the people around you—they’re going to help you manifest your goals and bring those fruits to the surface! 🍇🍃

3. Challenge: Ace of Pentacles 💰🌱 YAAAAS, the Ace of Pentacles is here! But in the challenge spot? 🤔 That’s because the universe is handing you this golden seed, and now it’s up to YOU to plant it! 🌱💫 Whether it’s a new job, financial opportunity, or big career move, you need to make sure you’re READY to nurture this gift. 🌟💸 Sometimes the hardest part is believing you deserve this abundance, but TRUST—your hard work has earned you this opportunity. 💼🌿 Now water that seed and watch it grow into a full-blown money tree! 💰🍃

4. Outcome: Wheel of Fortune & 10 of Cups 🔄🌈💖 OMG, bb, this outcome is literally everything! 🎡✨ The Wheel of Fortune says you’re stepping into a whole new cycle of luck and abundance—so buckle up because it’s about to get GOOD! 🎢 Your career and finances are about to take a major upturn thanks to all the effort you’ve put in. And guess what? The 10 of Cups is like a happy, glowing rainbow 🌈 saying that your career success will bring you so much joy and fulfillment in your personal life, too! 💖 Whether it’s a new job, promotion, or financial win, it’s gonna make your heart BURST with happiness. 🥳✨

Bottom of the Deck: Justice ⚖️💼 Ohhh, the Justice card lurking at the bottom is serving BIG karma vibes! ✨ Everything is falling into balance now. ⚖️ You’ve put in the hard work, stayed true to your values, and now you’re reaping the rewards! 🍎✨ Whatever’s been out of balance in your career is getting righted by the universe. Contracts? Legal matters? Business deals? Expect them to go in your favor! You’re being rewarded for the good vibes and energy you’ve been putting out there! 🌿✨

Summary: 🍇💰 You’ve been working your butt off (and maybe feeling a little overwhelmed, bb!), but the universe is saying, "Hold on, your harvest is almost here!" 🌱✨ With opportunities to collaborate and a golden career opportunity on the horizon, you’re about to level up in a big way! Just believe you deserve it, plant those seeds, and watch them grow into your dream life filled with success, abundance, and HAPPINESS! 🌈💸

🍒🍃 Drop a comment if you’re ready to reap those fruits of your labor and step into your success! 🍇✨ #CareerHarvest #AbundanceComing #FruitfulVibes #JusticeServed #WheelOfFortuneFlow

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✨ SENDING YOU GOOD VIBES ✨

No matter which pile you chose, I’m sending you ALL the success and abundance vibes! 🌈💖 The next 6 months are filled with opportunities and growth in your career and finances, so trust the journey and keep believing in yourself! You’ve got this! 💼✨💸

If you enjoyed this reading, be sure to like, follow, and repost to spread the love and help others find their message! 💫🔮

🎥 Exciting news! My YouTube channel is launching soon, where I’ll be diving into personal development, spirituality, and philosophy—all combined to help you grow and create a supportive community! 🌟✨ Let’s embark on this journey together and elevate our lives! 🌐💖

And guess what? My website is also launching soon, where you’ll be able to book personal readings and get even more spiritual insights! 💻✨ Stay tuned for updates and be part of this incredible adventure! 💖

Thank you for all your love and support—can’t wait to see you all on this exciting journey! 💖💫 #CareerVibes #FinancialAbundance #TarotGuidance #GoodEnergyOnly #PersonalDevelopment

[luvzshy]

Could you do Billie talking about reader in the yearly interview

A/n: I did 5 years of relationship, I'm crazy about lasting relationships sorry😭🏃🏻‍♀️‍➡️🏃🏻‍♀️‍➡️ anyway enjoy ml 💕💕✨

Journey of Love

Year 1:

Billie sat in her usual chair, surrounded by the soft glow of the set lights that felt both familiar and intimidating. The Vanity Fair interview had become an annual ritual, a chance to reflect on her journey as an artist and a person. But this year, there was a flutter of nerves deep in her stomach.

When the interviewer leaned in with the first personal question, Billie’s heart raced. “Are you seeing anyone?”

Her instinct was to deflect, to keep her private life close to her chest, but instead, she felt a warmth spread across her face. “Yeah,” she said, unable to keep the smile from her lips. “I am.”

The interviewer’s eyes sparkled with curiosity. “Anyone special?”

Billie’s smile deepened. “She’s incredible. Not in the industry. She helps me feel… normal.” The truth of those words hung in the air. You were the calm in her storm, someone who didn’t care about the fame, someone who simply loved her for who she was.

In the quiet moments, Billie found solace in your laughter and your gentle teasing, the way you’d roll your eyes when she tried to show you the latest music video she’d shot. You brought her back to reality, reminding her that beneath the glitz and glam, she was still just Billie—flawed, messy, and utterly human.

Year 2:

Fast forward to a year later, and Billie settled into her chair with a sense of ease. The nerves were still there, but they were accompanied by a confidence she hadn’t had before. It was as if being with you had given her the strength to embrace both her vulnerability and her power.

“Last year, you mentioned being in a relationship. How’s that going?” the interviewer asked, a knowing smile on their face.

Billie leaned forward, her excitement bubbling over. “It’s going really well. We’ve been together for over a year now.” The words felt like a promise, a declaration of her love.

“It’s been… transformative. She gets me in a way that no one else does. We balance each other out.” Billie’s voice softened as she thought of you—the way you listened without judgment, the way your fingers entwined with hers felt like home.

The memories flooded her mind: lazy Sundays spent wrapped in each other’s arms, your gentle touch as you brushed your fingers through her hair while you both watched the rain fall outside. In those moments, she could forget about the world and simply exist.

“She’s my best friend,” Billie added, her smile widening. “We support each other through everything. It’s a beautiful thing.”

Year 3:

A year later, Billie felt like she was living a dream. Three years together felt like a significant milestone, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that this was just the beginning. As she settled into the familiar chair, she could sense the anticipation in the air.

“So, Billie, how is your relationship evolving?” the interviewer prompted.

Billie couldn’t hide her grin. “We’ve grown so much together. It’s like… every day brings us closer. She’s been my rock, especially during some tough times.” Her heart swelled with gratitude for you.

Billie reflected on the challenges she faced in her career—the pressures, the expectations—and how you had been there through it all. When the world felt heavy, you’d remind her to breathe, to take a step back and enjoy the little moments. Whether it was cooking dinner together or simply sitting in silence, your presence was grounding.

“She makes me laugh like no one else,” Billie continued, her eyes lighting up. “We can be completely silly together, and it just feels… right. It’s like we have our own little world.”

Year 4:

By the fourth year, Billie was no longer shy about discussing her love life. Sitting across from the interviewer, she felt an undeniable sense of peace.

“You’ve been together for four years now. How has that changed you?” they asked.

Billie took a deep breath, her heart fluttering as she thought of you. “It’s changed everything,” she admitted. “I’ve learned so much about love, commitment, and what it means to truly support someone.”

She recalled nights spent talking until dawn, sharing dreams and fears, and how those conversations had strengthened their bond. You understood her in a way that made her feel seen and valued. In your eyes, she wasn’t just an artist; she was Billie—the girl who loved music, who adored quiet evenings, and who could get lost in a good book.

“We’ve talked about the future,” Billie said, her voice softening. “I think we both want the same things. It’s exciting.” The thought of building a life with you filled her with joy.

Year 5:

Now, as she sat in the chair for the fifth year, Billie felt a deep sense of contentment. The world around her continued to spin wildly, but with you by her side, everything felt manageable.

The interviewer leaned in, their expression curious. “After five years together, what’s your biggest takeaway?”

Billie smiled, her heart swelling with love. “She’s my person. I can’t imagine my life without her. She’s been there through everything, and we’ve built something real, something lasting.”

Her mind raced through the memories: lazy mornings wrapped in blankets, deep conversations about life, and quiet nights filled with laughter. You were the one who saw her—who loved her flaws and all. You made her feel safe in a way she had never known before.

“She inspires me every day,” Billie continued, her eyes glistening with emotion. “Being with her makes me want to be better—not just as an artist, but as a person. I’m so grateful for her.”

As the interview wrapped up, Billie felt a rush of gratitude wash over her. You were more than just a girlfriend; you were her partner, her confidante, and the love of her life. In a world that often felt chaotic and overwhelming, you were her anchor.

And as she walked off set, Billie couldn’t wait to tell you about the day, about how much you meant to her, and how every moment spent with you felt like magic.

[girlbossblackbeard]

THOUGHTS AND LAYERS

i spent literally an hour analyzing this trailer at 0.5 speed. this post is long af and these thoughts are in no particular order and are poorly organized:

-there's a big storm (which I think was already confirmed), and ed gets swept overboard by a bucket on a rope:

he then crawls up out of the water onto the beach

then goes into the forest, creates a hut, has a journey of healing and self-discovery, meets hornigold (or his ghost??)

and kills him thus killing the part of himself that he hated the most (his violence) as a parallel to stede finally getting rid of nigel's ghost by accepting and believing in himself

-in the stede/ed split screen, the stede shot is from the first ep of s2 right after stede finds the marooned crew at the end of ep 10 in s1 (you can tell bc his hair and clothes are still clean, there's no gay bandana around his neck, and that's his lil dinghy buttons is rowing)

-they go to shore and wind up at the merchants shop where "susan" overhears they're tracking down blackbeard

and she invites stede's crew onto her ship, cue the outfit change in the BTS photos:

-the way stede makes that little swishy turn in the red coat -

makes me think this may be first time he's been in fine clothes since his "death" and i hope we get a moment of him reflecting on how he gave up everything for ed only to have him hate him :( but then obviously realizing that ed is worth it and he'd do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant getting a chance at spending the rest of his life with him

-izzy and stede team up, and izzy is clearly training either himself or stede on the revenge (?)

soooooo many questions: what caused him to leave ed and join stede's crew? is he fighting with ed and is training to take him out or is he just done having his love be unrequited so he leaves and just so happens to stumble into stede? is izzy thinking that if he can't cut out the longing he has for ed he has to kill him instead so the pain will go away? what, pray tell, the fuck is going on in here on this day

-wee john in the mermaid costume (and olu in a bunny or donkey costume?):

a fuckery? or just a weird acid trip? OR IS IT THE TALENT SHOW THEY NEVER GOT TO HAVE??

-ed really does force everyone on his crew to wear war paint

-all the tally marks scratched into the walls - is that the number of days since stede bonnet broke ed's heart?

-ed in the forest in PEARL NECKLACE HELLOW????????

-the tear in ed's eye as he moves the cake toppers closer together which he also painted to make the lady look more like him he literlaly is in love wiht stede so bad wht the FUCJ

-ed's crew is murdering SO MANY PEOPLE at the wedding wtf (pic not included bc scary)

-delusional moment but i hope anne bonny on stede's lap is looking at calico jack off screen

-stede and ed are running towards each other on the black sand beach (thank you @sluterastede for pointing this out to me wtf!!!!!!)

which evolves my theory that ed in the forest goes through his healing journey and realizes he wants to openly love stede again but then the navy attack and stede just so happens to have found ed at the same time and they're fighting to get to each other and taking out everyone in their way (what if that was okracoke lmao)

-the swede and spanish jackie hooking up in the trailer

makes me think the bts shot of ed and jackie is them looking at stede and the swede, and ed being SO in love with stede obvi but jackie is watching the swede do some weirdly hot shit so she's gotta have him (what if they got married and he became her umpteenth husband in a drunken vegas-like shotgun wedding where she wakes up the next day to realize what has happened lmao)

-also this pic is DEF from the reunited/make up era bc ed's half-up hair, no makeup, soft eyes, and buttons' clothing. i am weeping

-stede in pain - is it an injury or a tattoo? or torture as @sluterastede posits?? he looks down at his lower body before screaming so maybe he knows what's about to happen to him??

-ed in the forest wearing the pearl necklace (see above), ed saying "fuck you stede bonnet" wearing the pearl necklace (see below)

does he pick it up at the wedding??? (theory credit to @sluterastede!!!! can u tell we watched the trailer together 400 times) i can't tell if he's wearing it in the one wide shot of him in that scene:

but regardless of when he acquires it, does he take it bc he remembers stede said he wears fine things well???? and he starts to believe he may deserve them??

-side note about a LACK of something: ed isn't wearing the cravat at all in the trailer near as i can tell, and he's not wearing the pearl necklace when throwing knives at the wall (at least from what I can see, which is not much) which leads me to believe that scene is in the earlier part of the season

-lastly, the most important song lyrics from the trailer (the beautiful ones by prince):

and that's my dissertation on the ofmd season 2 teaser trailer thank you

[chichiscloset]

WHAT IS THIS SEASON OF LIFE TRYING TO TEACH YOU?

When you’re in pursuit of the life of your dreams along the journey there will be many seasons. Some seasons will be triumphant and you’ll feel like anything is possible, while others will be so difficult you’ll be unsure how you’re even going to make it through this season of life.

I want you ladies to remember, and as a reminder to myself as well, that the only constant in life is change. When change comes are you able to withstand the turbulence of life while remaining faithful and focused? And when things are great can you show gratitude for all that you prayed for and received?

“To whom much is given, much will be required”

I love that quote! It’s a reminder that if you want a lot you have to go through a lot. The best things in life are found through effort and experience. I know the “soft life” has convinced us all that being a “bad bitch” is enough to achieve the life of your dreams. However, in reality, that’s not all it takes! The life of your dreams doesn’t just appear! It is a treasure, and like a treasure, a hunt is required because you only find what you seek!

God/the universe, whatever you believe in, is always guiding you to become your best self. Let life mold into what you need to become, so that you can receive the desires of your heart. There is a lesson to learn in every season, and it’s your job to have enough wisdom to let life be your teacher.

At the end of the day, as much as we all want to, there is no avoiding the process or the discomfort that different season bring. If you are not already born into money you’re going to have to figure out how to get everything you dream of. Which means, you’ll have to go through some thangs!

How to embrace each session if your life?

I. PRAY

Pray, pray, pray.

Seriously! Without getting too religious, prayer works! Plenty of the darkest seasons of my life required a crap ton of prayer to get through the days. You have to remember nothing is happening to you, and everything is happening for you. You are where you are because that’s where you’re supposed to be. Trust that God has a plan, and it’s more beautiful than anything you could imagine.

Pray for guidance, pray for clarity, and pray for wisdom. Prayer has a way of providing calm in the midst of a storm.

II. SLOW DOWN

Take a moment to reflect on everything that lead you to where you are today.

Realize that some days will be productive, while others will feel like you aren’t doing hardly enough. We are all human, and growth is never linear. If you’re always moving and doing it’s hard to hear your intuition. It’s ok to slow down and listen to what the universe is trying to tell you.

III.FIND A NEW PART OF YOU TO EXPLORE

As humans we’re always evolving. We change the way we dress, the activities we enjoy, who/how we like to spend our time, and everything in between.

As you enter a new season of being take the time to reflect on what’s changing about yourself. Is it a change you like? Are you regressing? Take the time to explore and get to know this new version of yourself. Be curious without being judgemental.

IV. PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Practicing gratitude is the quickest way to call more good into your life. By being thankful for the good things in your life, no matter how big or small they may be it allows you to focus on the positive aspects of your life and acknowledge the good things that have come your way.

Some ways to practice gratitude include keeping a gratitude journal and expressing gratitude to others, taking time to appreciate nature, and focusing on the present moment. By practicing gratitude regularly, you can improve your overall well-being and increase your happiness, and better weather any season in your life.

Ultimately, accepting the changes and transitions that come with different stages of life, whether they be joyful or challenging. It means acknowledging that life is a journey with ups and downs, and learning to appreciate each moment for what it is. By embracing the seasons of life, we can grow, learn, and become more resilient individuals.

Until we talk again ❤️

Chichi

[angelicbeaut]

In order to change them, you must change YOU.

(Long post)

I have manifested many people back into my life: SPs , old friends, family member, people I wanted to be friends with but didn’t have the courage to ask to be friends. Literally anyone. But before I could invite them into my life, I had to go within.

When you’re manifesting someone, you must not only drop your old story but theirs as well. This was hard for me to understand at first because I had very strong negative emotions towards some people for what they did, and I chained them to those cinder blocks of mistakes and viewed them in that light forever.

I am one to hold a grudge, and sometimes they do some bs that makes them deserve it! You’re valid!

However, if you want a person back in your life under better circumstance you must remember several important things:

everything happens through you:

I am not blaming you for their behavior but what you must realize is that they have no choice but to continue to be the way that you ultimately view them. If you think your SP doesn’t want you, they will continue to not want you, because you are consumed in that thought and they only reflect you, you are god and they are your creation.

Process how they made you feel:

You’re never just going to let something go, sometimes people will hurt you, but in order to change the story surrounding them and how you view them you must process your feelings towards them. Write it down, talk to a close friend, whatever works for you.

You may come out of this not wanting them in your life and that is perfectly okay, you may decide you no longer want them and you want someone better and that’s okay! Manifest it baby!

Allow them to evolve and/or Allow yourself to have the version of them you want

If you want to access this new and improved version of them you must allow it to come in or it simply will not.

What I like to do is take myself out of the position of being the person who experienced them, and look at the raw emotions of it all, as God. I am not a religious person, however looking back on when I grew up Christian it definitely offered some interesting points that I believe helped in my journey.

If you are god and all your creation is made in your image, take a second to consider it you have ever done anything that may have caused hurt. Have you ever done anything that hurt someone? Have you ever related to feelings of jealousy or got really angry at someone? Most likely. Have you been forgiven and in turn changed to be better? There are many people who may still view you as the villain in their story but you have forgiven yourself and became anew, they could never put that on you now because of who you have evolved to become, right? Well, give this person a chance to evolve. You are the one writing the story, are you going to continue to make them the big bad wolf or are you going to let them be the knight in shining armor.

Now if this is about you not believing you deserve it, you need to start there. Why do you believe you are not worthy of your creation? Why do you believe you cannot have them or that they don’t want to be in your life? It may be that you don’t believe in love, or that you don’t believe you are worthy. Work on self concept and understand that you are everything and therefore everything is yours. From the trees to the moon, you are everything.

You can get a completely different version of them, you can completely revise an argument away, you could literally make them disappear. You can do anything! It’s your world.

Most importantly: LEAVE THE 3D ALONE

Sweetheart, if you are still maintaining the state that they hate you after saying affirmations for a day then immediately trying to text them, STOP. Start within, and the 3D has no choice but to follow. If you want to make up with them, go within, set the scene of making up with them in your head, say your affirmations, or whatever will give you the feeling that you seek. Once you reach that fulfillment within yourself, they have no choice but to reflect. Let them be who you want them to be, stop holding the old story over both of you, release it, and write a new story. Have faith in your story and have faith in you, and you will receive exactly what you want. Don’t worry about time, worry about you, time isn’t god, you are love.

P.S - don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t manifest a better version of your ex or a person. You are god, why would you let anyone tell YOU what to do? Be fr.

Luv, che 🌺

[meimi-haneoka]

Clear Card Trivia 3 ~ Sakura's journey of growth and self-understanding throughout Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card

Hello and welcome back to my "Clear Card Trivia" series, a collection of informative posts where I delve into certain aspects of the story of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card! ✨

The topic I will talk about today has been on my "to-do list" for long time. It's something I felt the need to talk about, and I won't hide the reason why: the desire to fully eviscerate this topic grew particularly after reading around certain criticism of Clear Card Arc. But also after listening to CLAMP's Twitter Spaces, particularly the ones towards the end of the story.

It's something that, setting aside my obvious love for the new characters, will always make me think that Clear Card Arc has been a very welcome addition to the series.

This post will delve into Sakura's growth throughout Clear Card Arc.

Sakura grew up considerably during the story, and had a character development that sadly not many people truly realized.

I'm not talking about an evolution of the character design which, despite changing and evolving throughout the story (as it's expected for a long-running serialization), kept depicting Sakura consistently with quite young looks...no, I'm talking about her mental growth, in relation to her self-knowledge and her relationship with her magic powers.

A journey that might almost feel "frustrating", because it is full of "up and downs", and Sakura sometimes seems to be taking one step forward and two back. Aside from the obvious practical reasons (the plot had to develop several other storylines simultaneously), it very much reflects the realistic growth of a pre-teen, which is never a straight line but is made of improvements and relapses.

Along the journey, I couldn't really avoid mentioning some bits of the development of Sakura's relationship with Syaoran, which will get its own deep and detailed post another day.

There's also an extra about the significance of the Clear Cards in the story, at the end.

I have to be honest, the post is very long, but I tried to insert visual elements to make it easier on the eye. If you're curious to know how the hell I found so much to talk about for this specific topic, follow me under the cut and dive into Sakura's journey throughout Clear Card (it's also a good way to review the story)! ✨

A Disconnected Beginning

Clear Card Arc starts in a very "festive" and happy way: everything is peaceful, a new exciting chapter of Sakura's educational life is starting with the beginning of middle school, Syaoran is back to Tomoeda, this time to stay forever with his beloved girl...everything seems so perfect. And precisely in chapter 1, before everything takes an unexpected turn, we have this scene here, which I consider the "true" beginning of everything:

Sakura says "I haven't been using this lately...well, that's for the better".

At the beginning of Clear Card Arc, Sakura seems to be feeling disconnected from her natural gift.

Despite she had to go on a quest to collect all the Clow Cards, which later she gave a new life to by changing them into Sakura Cards, we have to remember that Sakura was born with magic powers. They weren't bestowed on her by Kero-chan, nor by the contract with the Clow Book: she always had magic in her blood, and it apparently "woke up" on that fateful day she found the Clow Book in the library of her father.

At the beginning of this arc, Sakura seems to think that the purpose, the meaning of this natural gift which is literally part of herself, has been fulfilled by transforming all the Cards, and splitting Eriol's power as he had requested. Her words here seem to be suggesting a general idea of "if I have to use this key (therefore, my magic powers), it means something troublesome is happening, so it's better if I'm not using it because it means everything is okay".

And although we can't really deny that what happened afterwards is far from being able to be considered "peaceful", this scene here always left a bad taste in my mouth because there's almost a negative vibe attached to the idea of her magic, transpiring from Sakura's words. It's almost as if she's politely rejecting it.

Precisely after she places her Star Key in her jewelry box, probably hoping to never have to use it again, she has her first premonitory dream of the events that will shake her life afterwards. Almost as if her powers were trying to tell her "no my dear, this is you and you'd better come to terms with it as soon as possible".

Then, as we all know, the Cards turn blank. Sakura produces a new key while having another dream and a quest to fight and "secure" some strange phenomena happening around her begins, leaving her in a state of increasing confusion.

This is the beginning of the part of the story that I quite literally call "Sakura loses sight of herself".

At this very early stage of the story, she still doesn't know that she started losing control over her increasing magical power, and it is definitely not a coincidence that all of this began when she thought of shutting her main magic tool away in a box, hoping to ignore it forever. For plot reasons, this also happens simultaneously to Syaoran taking the spirits of the Sakura Cards away from her (because in the beginning, you had to be tricked into thinking he was up to something shady and was the real mastermind behind all the incidents).

Syaoran expected for Sakura to lose control over her powers, as his mother predicted a general period of trouble for her that could lead her to unhappiness, albeit without any clear indication of what could happen: Syaoran came to Japan knowing something was bound to happen to his girl and her powers, and that something was going to lead her to grief, but he had no idea about all the rest. So his uncertain and reckless approach, which ended up in some cases worsening the situation, is also somewhat understandable. He was acting like a worried, overprotective boyfriend at his wit's end.

The strange events, which Sakura materializes into a new set of Cards, surely leave her distraught and confused, not to mention the situation with the Sakura Cards and Eriol's missing replies, but I feel that what really destabilizes her core are the constant dreams she gets, sometimes even in the middle of her waking hours, making her faint on the spot wherever she is.

Premonitory dreams are a part of her natural gift that she began to express ever since the OG manga, but she never seemed to really understand them or take them seriously.

This time around, she keeps seeing this cloaked figure and this terrifying dragon, no one speaks a word despite her relentless questions and the cloaked figure seems to be wanting to take her newly made key away (Lilie!!! what were you trying to do!! *facepalm* she probably tried to pull her closer so she could talk to her), so it's just normal that all of that leaves her increasingly stressed and anxious, even though initially you never see her openly and verbally stating that, due to her overall positive nature ("I'll manage it, somehow" is part of her "everything will be alright" invincible spell, and this is indeed what she keeps telling herself in the beginning of the arc, even though in some occasions it turned out to be a double-edged sword, as sometimes it looked more like sweeping her fears under the carpet, to me).

"Something Is Not Right"

Dream after dream, Card after Card, Sakura begins to have these general feelings of discomfort and of "something is not right, here", as she openly states to Syaoran in this scene of volume 4, chapter 14. There's something about this situation that is pricking her sixth sense, and makes her uneasy, but she can't quite put her finger on it yet. All she can do is to keep "fighting" these phenomena happening around her, hoping to find out more along the way. She reiterates the same feeling of uneasiness at the end of chapter 15, after what I consider one of the most concerning side-effects of her poor control over her powers: Sakura seems almost "in trance" while she leads her guardians to the exit of the maze, and acts in a very uncharacteristic, cold way by shoving her bag in front of Yue to make him hold it for her. It's almost as if her magical sixth sense worked too strongly and warped her personality in that moment: an effect that has been mentioned several times in relation to powerful magicians like Clow, Eriol and later Kaito too, so it's not farfetched at all to attribute this one-off occurrence to her loss of control over her strong powers, which ended up affecting her personality too. Luckily, it didn't happen again in the rest of the story and the capture of this Card was completely changed in the anime (a wise decision imho, since the JP fandom is particularly fussy about the integrity of Sakura's character, and she needed to stay "Sakura" in order to do what she did at the end).

At the culmination of a "mini arc" (the visit to great-grandpa Masaki) characterized by uncontrolled visions of Nadeshiko, another frightening dream (one that ended up dragging even Akiho in, due to the synchronization) and Sakura for the first time ever confronting Syaoran about the things he's been hiding from her, we reach the following scene of volume 5, chapter 23.

"I Wish I Had A Mirror"

I always considered this scene extremely important, because for the first time Sakura spells out clearly the inner turmoil that's been gnawing at her soul ever since this ordeal with the new Cards started.

"The truth is...I'm the worst at understanding myself. And that is probably causing lots of concern to everyone." "I wish I had a mirror. A mirror that could reflect the real me. Then, I would probably understand how to not make everyone worry"

Here, Sakura clearly spells out the frustration of knowing, feeling in her bones that there's something wrong with her, something that she's not understanding about herself, and that something is causing problems, but most importantly, is causing her loved ones to worry about her. Let's not forget that not only Syaoran, but also Yukito, Touya, Fujitaka, Tomoyo, Eriol & his family have all been watching her situation in apprehension, each of them making decisions and moving discretely in a direction they felt was right (and admittedly, not all instances were so).

Sakura can somehow feel all of that, she can feel that it's related to something she still hasn't realized about herself. This tends to be forgotten because it happens in a relatively early part of the plot, but notice how this is the same problem Kaito suffers from. A quite stunted ability to understand oneself. Sakura and Kaito definitely have lots in common, when it comes to this specific part of themselves. Keep this in mind, because it'll be relevant later.

And then, the situation worsens.

Sakura's dreams start to terrify her, because they begin to show Syaoran's face under the cloak of the mysterious figure who's scaring her in her dreams. An apparent truth she cannot accept, she won't accept, even though she's still unsure about what exactly these dreams she's having are. Despite her boyfriend has been acting shady for long time, she decides to trust him and wait for him to talk to her about all the stuff he's holding inside, instead of putting him through the wringer. This also means, though, that Sakura will keep all her fears to herself, eventually bottling up.

Furthermore, Kaito starts to rewind time to fix a situation without a way out (in chapter 28, Akiho was on the verge of going berserk completely and unleash the artifact), creating an additional sense of confusion when Sakura can feel that her finger is numb due to strain, but she can't understand why (she had fought Kaito's time magic unconsciously). Whenever Kaito will rewind time, even later on, Sakura's magical sixth sense will try to wake her consciousness up more and more, giving her these vibes of "deja vu" or making her act in an apparently inexplicable way.

In the first part of Clear Card, Sakura sometimes literally looks like a soul wandering about in confusion, dragged by the events.

I wish to point out that this is not a flaw in the characterization, it is a precise design by CLAMP. Sakura IS, in this part of the story, confused and lost, overwhelmed by the events. She has no idea how to approach this matter other than "treating the symptoms" as they come. This happens because she's still, surprisingly, quite reluctant to embrace a fundamental part of herself: her innate magic power, which expresses itself mainly through her intuition. But we'll gradually get there.

Around chapter 30, before the big realization, Sakura's situation reached a point where:

- her Sakura Cards unexpectedly became blank; - almost everyday (sometimes multiple times a day) there's a new incident that she secures into new transparent Cards; - she constantly sees ominous dreams (in scattered order) with a cloaked figure acting in a questionable way and a scary dragon, and at some point she starts seeing her boyfriend under that cloak; - her boyfriend acts shady, Eriol doesn't reply to her messages; - there's a general feeling of "something is not right" with her magic and some stuff starts to not make sense to her (because Kaito rewinds time)

It is at this point that Sakura finally moves one (giant) step forward and connects all the "puzzle pieces" she collected (particularly, how much more "obvious" the creation of a Card became) and understands that she's been the one causing subconsciously each and every single incident that lead to the creation of a new transparent Card.

"I'm Angry At Myself"

And with Syaoran finally coming clean with her (because at that point he had no reason to keep things hidden anymore, as the thing he was trying to delay ultimately happened - and believe me, I'm sure he partly felt relieved to not need to lie anymore, as that took quite a toll on him too), Sakura can at last give an explanation to at least a part of the things that are happening. And she finally realizes that the doubt that was tormenting her was true: she DID, in fact, not understand something very important about herself, she didn't realize that it was her own power going out of control and that all the incidents that happened bore "her magic signature", so to speak. She failed to "tune in" with her magic.

For the first time ever, Sakura expresses anger at herself.

She will direct that anger (to a lesser extent) to Syaoran too, but I'll tackle that in a separate post.

This is a moment of deep reflection and regrets for Sakura: the poor understanding of herself, the poor "communication" between her heart and her magic powers brought to a situation where her most beloved person was putting himself in danger in order to protect her, while trying to not make things escalate. This is a very sensitive, beautiful and important moment, steeped in conflicting and complex feelings (and remember, Sakura is just a pre-teen. It is normal for a pre-teen like her to not understand herself, but there's just one tiny detail: she's not a common pre-teen, due to her natural gift, and she needs to take that into account). Eventually Sakura calms down, and after creating Rewind, her resolute face while hugging tightly Syaoran suggests that from now on she'll face this matter from another, more courageous and determined perspective.

Or at least, these were her good intentions. Because unfortunately, insecurities are hard to eradicate and in the central part of the story it's shocking to realize how far longer Sakura will insist in shutting away her emotions and refusing to listen to her heart (and intuition) fully.

"It's Just My Imagination"

Part of Sakura's anxiety might have been sedated with the revelation that the Clear Cards are produced by the girl herself, but unfortunately the true core of her problems was not solved at all and will only surface more clearly in the next 20 chapters.

Sakura actively starts having "premonitory bad feelings" when she sees Akiho in volume 7 chapter 34, a bad feeling that she does check with Syaoran, but quickly dismisses as "well, it's just my imagination". This will basically be one of the major problems preventing her from reaching the complete control of her magic. Sakura, knowing her magic potential, should've given way more credit to her sixth sense, but her anxiety, her insecurity and her crippled connection to her innate gift still pushes her to dismiss these "signs" as nothing really important or true. Timely as hell, a few hours later something bad will indeed happen to Akiho, where she completely loses consciousness for the first time and the clan/Association actively starts to absorb Sakura's power through the artifact implanted in Akiho. All of this was caused by the high concentration of magic that "triggered" Akiho's artifact (and here I have to sarcastically "applaud" Kaito, just like Syaoran he's another one who does stuff before thinking through, ultimately worsening the problem).

Once trapped in Akiho's artifact, thanks to her power Sakura can see the most horrifying glimpse of Akiho's past, when she was turned into a magic artifact, by living it on her own skin. And even though Kaito is forced to rewind time once again to save the situation, erasing these memories from Sakura's head, her heart (which is tightly connected to her magical sixth sense - I'd daresay her heart is straight up the source of her magic) DOES REMEMBER, pushing Sakura to act in an apparently irrational way, crying and hugging Akiho tight in empathy. Sakura is particularly shaken by this feeling, still in pain even hours later, but once again she doesn't understand where it comes from. However, she does express with Syaoran an intention to talk to him about it once she's able to put it into words, and in the meantime do her best with all the rest. At least, there's an intention to understand better this part of herself, but it's still soon to see actual results.

Aaand CLAMP really seem to be wanting to test Sakura in this arc, because at this point of the plot, they add the electrocution spell. 😅 No one seems to understand who caused it (it's not Sakura, nor Kaito, but now we know it was none other than Yelan!!) and Sakura's anxiety increases once again. The fact only Syaoran gets affected by it inevitably reignites the doubts in her mind, unwittingly reminded of that terrifying dream of Cloaked Syaoran she keeps seeing...but she stubbornly keeps telling herself "no, it's not like that, it's just a dream". It's undeniable that this situation where she cannot understand her foretelling dreams yet, and the way they show her scattered hints because her power is out of control, has surely contributed to Sakura's insecurity when it comes to trust her own intuition.

Her power is so out of control at this point, that even when Kaito shrinks her and throws her in a hole carved into a tree (landing in a "world" created with magic where he hopes she'll create the right Card) her dreams take over again (it's apparent by the "shaaan" sound and how everything turns suddenly pitch black, a common background of her dreams), showing her Akiho in the dress she was wearing when she was turned into an artifact and, inevitably, Sakura's biggest fear, "Cloaked Syaoran". Pay attention because these visions she's getting here thanks to her power match what will happen later on: what the talking flowers tell her here will turn out to be the beginning of the lyrics of the main theme of the "Alice in Clockland" play. This vision of Cloaked Syaoran seemingly "about to do something" to Akiho horrifies Sakura to the point of screaming in terror and creating one of the most unsettling Cards, "Break". It is after this very scary moment that Sakura starts to wonder very specifically for what purpose she is creating all these Cards. The purpose is actually more than one, but she definitely posed herself THE RIGHT question, as this brings her one step closer to the core of the problem and eventually embracing her own magic abilities.

Then, between chapters 43 and 45 we finally start to see some changes in Sakura: surprisingly, she begins to listen more to her sixth sense, first catching Yukito red-handed while activating a newly acquired magic, and then wondering about a strange painful feeling in her chest when her father tells her that lately she and Akiho became even more similar. We were all lead to believe that this was the foreshadowing of Akiho taking her place (cause everything in the plot at this point deceivingly hints at Kaito wanting to switch them), but she actually was getting foreshadowings of the "rewritten world", where Sakura would genuinely feel wrecked to know that someone important to Akiho was missing, precisely when Akiho would've become part of her family as her twin. In fact, in chapter 45, before falling completely asleep, she hears again the ominous "you won't be able to come back" (the Association's threat to Kaito), wondering WHO wouldn't be able to come back - somehow, Sakura knows that it's not directed at her.

"Just Tell me Honestly How You Feel"

And then, we reach another moment that I consider pivotal for Sakura's growth during this Clear Card Arc. The moment when she's on the verge of breaking down and finally lets all her feelings out.

Her anxiety over the dream with the Cloaked Figure reached the highest peak, so much that she finally manifests a Card, Mirage, that challenges her precisely with that appearance. While Sakura battles that Card (which at the moment she still believes it's an actual person), she seems resoluted to get to the bottom of this story, and to pull down that hood to know the truth. You can really feel that she's so done with all this psychological torture. The fact the real Syaoran appears right at that moment and she finds out the person she saw was just a Card is partly a relief for her, but also throws Sakura again in despair because who the hell is that person in the dream, then??

Syaoran, as the good and attentive boyfriend he is, can just feel that Sakura is stressing over something, so he brings her to his home to help her calming down. And to her umpteenth attempt at sweeping her negative emotions under the carpet, beating around the bush commenting over the tea with a fake smile, he cuts immediately her bullshit and just tells her : "You don't need to force yourself. Just tell me how you feel right now". When she hears that she's allowed to speak out her emotions with honesty, Sakura wears on her face one of the most heartbreaking expressions of the entire manga. She's literally about to break down in tears of exhaustion, as you can see it above. ☝️ Listening to her, gradually, Syaoran encourages Sakura to get out all that's been torturing her lately, particularly about the dream with the Cloaked Figure. It is a very difficult moment for her, because she has to relive the dream, and expose in front of him all the fears and doubts that were trying to tamper with her trust in him. Courageously, she goes through with it, even though her denial ("it's just a dream!") is so strong that she ends up creating another Card: "Dreaming". Sakura at first seems relieved to see the Card, in the hope that everything she saw was indeed a mere messed up dream and nothing else (see? she's again self-sabotaging her relationship with her magic) but Syaoran with his frankness is quick to bring her feet on the ground: the kanji on the Card show "yumemi", and the word can also indicate a "foretelling dream".

Although Sakura seems disheartened at first, her next dream with the Cloaked Figure is much more relaxed, so much that even the dragon doesn't particularly scare her anymore: our girl's intuition makes her correctly feel a sense of loneliness in this dream, which she attributes to the hooded figure, not realizing that it was more likely coming from the dragon itself (aka, Kaito). After all, in chapter 72, Lilie will confirm that her presence ended up distracting her from the one "character" she should've paid all of her attention to. Her intuition, despite being misattributed, ended up having a positive effect through the synchronization with Akiho: the girl will wake up with the same feeling of discomfort of her friend, and as if guided by hitsuzen, she will head to the garden where she'll find a sickly Kaito staring at the moon - most likely feeling the loneliness Sakura perceived in her dream. I like to think that in this scene of chapter 48, Sakura subconsciously helped Akiho comforting Kaito, by waking her up with the unresting feeling, precisely when Kaito needed it the most. Still not completely embraced her magical sixth sense yet, but a significant improvement.

The road between chapter 48 and chapter 52 is paved with lots of struggles, as the Mirror Sakura Card gets stolen by Kaito, Sakura runs the risk of being absorbed into Akiho's artifact again, she meets Momo for the first time and she's even given a hint about Kaito's plan (or what Momo thought was his plan, as he had benignly lied to her about that), but almost all of that gets rewound and erased when Kaito intervenes. Moreover, despite not remembering anything consciously, Sakura is left with a sense of unhappiness when she looks at her home, a remnant of her brief journey in the world of Momo's book which straight up threw her into despair, showing her what her life would be if everyone forgot about her. She also finds once again a Card produced out of nowhere, "Time": I'm convinced she produced this Card because her conscience was awake while Momo and Kaito talked in stopped time, and their conversation triggered her sixth sense to produce Time as a result. Needless to say, all of this worsens her state of mind once again, which leads to the other pivotal, and finally resolutive, scene of chapter 52.

Never Avert Your Eyes From Your Heart

We finally get to what I consider THE scene, the one that will definitively shake Sakura from her deadlock, from the anxiety that stunted her connection with her innate gift and her deepest emotions. And the one who helps her overcoming all her fears is, of course, the love of her life - with a honorable mention for none other than his mother Yelan!!

Chapter 52 got a very, very special place in my heart, because it's basically one giant parallel between SyaoSaku and YunaAki. The two pairings experience similar situations, but the response from one side of each pairing is quite different. Let's remind you for a moment of the part earlier in this post when I told you that Kaito and Sakura, for most of Clear Card, surprisingly have one thing in common: they don't seem to understand themselves well enough, and both have a tendency to look away from feelings that cause unrest to their hearts - anxiety for Sakura, love for Kaito.

Syaoran, always attentive and observant towards his girlfriend, notices immediately that Sakura is suffering, as soon as he sees her at school. Despite being unable to touch her to comfort her, he offers all of himself to support and listen to her concerns. Sakura is visibly and pleasantly surprised of how the boy could read behind her mask, that usual contrived smile with which she tries to dissimulate her emotions and not make him worry. A bad habit she's consolidated lately, but that Syaoran is gently determined to dismantle. After opening up with him (and this is where Sakura differs from Kaito - by having an established relationship made of love and trust with Syaoran, Sakura lowers her walls with him), she falls once again into the usual trap of "but maybe it's just my imagination" and I love to see how Syaoran is her anchor to the ground, making her see the concreteness of this situation: he straight up tells her "you produced a Card out of it, it cannot be 'just your imagination'. " And then, like a precious family gift, he passes on to her the priceless words of wisdom of his mother Yelan, an advice that not only Sakura, but also the other "lost soul" of the other paralleling pairing should listen to:

"People with magical power should never ignore the turmoil and stirring in their hearts, the so-called 'intuition'. And it’s not limited to people with magical powers. People should never avert their eyes from the changes in their heart."

This is a turning point for Sakura. These words seem to positively "break" something inside of her, showing her the correct path to follow. CLAMP beautifully portray this process of "embracing and assimilating" the words she's just heard, by making her place her hand over her heart. I love when they do that (they used the same visual when Akiho heard Kaito's true name, and 'wrote it' on the most important page of the book of her life). Sakura is truly grateful for the words Syaoran relayed to her, precisely what she needed to get out of her impasse with her feelings and magic. She knows she can always count on the support of her soulmate even in the darkest moments, and she's thankful for having him in her life.

From this moment onwards, Sakura will experience several instances where her magical premonitory senses give her signals through the "stirring" of her heart. Contrarily to before, she starts to actively take them seriously, listening, without dismissing them as the delirium of an anxious little girl. This allows her to activate the Siege Card in the fraction of a second, successfully shielding herself from Kaito's time magic, making her the first person ever who achieved that. This also leads her to effectively remember that she saw Kaito using magic, even when time was rewound by him, and contact immediately Syaoran to talk about it, planning how to move from that moment onwards. A little relapse on her bad habit is immediately dispelled by Syaoran, and our girl even goes as far as saying "there's something inside Akiho", even though she's not sure exactly why she's feeling that way. But it's an intuition she's having and she decides to not dismiss it anymore, with everyone trusting and supporting her in that direction. By listening more and better to what her heart tells her, Sakura also decides to not confront Akiho about Kaito and his magic, because she's well aware of the feelings Akiho got for Kaito and she doesn't want to potentially disrupt their relationship. So, she decides to wait for her friend to talk about it first.

Thanks to this better understanding of her own intuition, she also says in chapter 57 that she wants to meet the guardian of the book "Alice in Clockland" once more, despite not remembering if and when she's met her before. This also ultimately leads her to accept the role of Alice in the upcoming play scripted by her friend Naoko, because her sixth sense tells her that it's inevitable for her to do so. It's important to emphasize how the other characters support and encourage her to listen to her innate gift, at this point, without trampling over her self-determination like they did before.

It is a moment of big growth and character development for everyone.

The Ultimate Growth: Finding a Meaning and a Purpose

What happens afterwards is history: the fateful "Alice in Clockland" play unfolds, and Kaito completes his plan to push Sakura to create the Card he needs, exchanging his magic artifact (the watch) with Akiho's one (the book), in addition to activating the forbidden magic to rewrite the memories of everyone, to fit Akiho as part of Sakura's family.

Sakura's intuition will be crucial to wake her true self up while in Clockland, succeeding in beating Kaito's magic multiple times, till Syaoran comes in and gives the "final blow", cutting off the spell definitively.

And even when everything seems lost because Kaito successfully activated the fobidden magic, changing their memories and erasing himself from their existence, Sakura's magic and sixth sense keep making her say things she either already said or heard before in the "unrewritten world". Not only that, but even after meeting Lilie in a dream and forgetting her face (due to the strong influence of the forbidden spell), bit and pieces of that conversation keep coming back to her, and she listens dutifully to every single one of these "feelings". Kaito might have overridden part of their memories (only the ones concerning him, Akiho and the events connected to the creation of the Cards), but the experience, feelings and personal growth of each character were left untouched, that's why the chemistry between Sakura and Syaoran is the same as before the play started, but also Sakura's personal relationship with her magic is far better than before (an information that might have seemed random and unimportant is that now Sakura summons Mirror even just to chat, an indication of her completely changed perspective on her magic).

Now that Sakura finally embraced her magical power, all that's left for her is to find a true purpose for it.

A question echoes in my mind, "What am I creating these Cards for?". Sakura poses herself this question halfway through the story, and she finds the answer to it precisely at the end of the journey.

Her powerful magic intuition, combined with her immense empathy, leads her to realize that somebody is missing from their reality, and that person is the one Akiho loves. At this point Sakura is unstoppable: she wants to listen to the voice in her heart that's screaming "Go and help them!! Give the true happiness back to Akiho!", and everyone can only follow her lead as she assertively puts into practice what her heart is telling her to do.

Sakura in this final part of the story shines brighter than ever. She's more assertive and self-confident than ever. All of this is because there's something she strongly wants to do with her innate gift, as Eriol unequivocally says in chapter 75: her power grows exponentially again, but this time it's not out of her control - it is Sakura herself who's voluntarily boosting it, thanks to her strong wish. And that allows her to control it and use it exactly as she wants.

In chapter 79 her growth reaches the highest peak, by handling the resolution of Akiho and Kaito's personal problems in an admirable way (she steps aside for a moment to give Akiho all the agency she needed), but also finding herself in front of an uncomfortable dilemma, which leads her to an unavoidable reality: Sakura quickly understands that she cannot be on everyone's side and there are lines to be drawn at some point. She can't be a pure and oblivious girl forever. She needs to grow up. There are choices to be made, especially when dealing with real evil people.

And Sakura choses to go on with the people she loves, even if that means she has to "stain" her "moral record" a little bit.

Empowered by this strong wish to fix the situation, she literally gives life to a miracle, protecting her dear friend and her beloved from the grasp of their abusers, simultanously giving everyone their true memories back. The effort exerts her greatly, but what she achieved is by far the most important thing she's ever done with her magic power till now: she helped two dear people lost in a life-and-death situation. Her magical growth went along with her personal, mental one.

This is also the reason why the accusations of "the other magicians should've trained her" end up being in vain: Sakura's problem with her powers was mainly on a personal level, not on a technical one. This was a journey she had to mainly walk by herself, finding the right balance and confidence in her abilities, deep down in her heart.

No one could've done that for her.

Merely training the practical aspect of it would've just worsened the situation, because Sakura wouldn't have been truly "in it" with her heart and mind. She needed to go through this process of growth, before reaching this stage of self-awareness in relation to her magic powers. I truly feel this is the reason why CLAMP made certain choices inside this story. Again, as I always say, a good part of Cardcaptor Sakura does revolve around magic, but the main focus and linchpin of this story is and always will be the main character's heart, her growth and the interpersonal relationships with her loved ones.

This makes Clear Card Arc, in my opinion, a worthy sequel and a full-fledged part of the Cardcaptor Sakura series. I think those who decide to skip it or read it with a superficial approach miss a journey of tremendous growth for our beloved protagonist.

So much for those who kept saying "This is not Sakura's story".

How can all that ☝️ NOT be Sakura's story?

I'll let you judge. 😊

Extra: The Significance of the Clear Cards

I want to digress for a moment about a thorny topic: the significance of the Clear Cards in this story.

Sakura isn't always completely passive towards the events happening around her, but wonders several times during the story why all those Cards are manifesting like that. While the first and easiest answer is of course "because her powers are going out of control" (and this is something Momo herself questions Sakura about in chapter 50), it becomes apparent at some point that the more the story goes on, the more the Cards that are created by her are particularly relevant and connected to the events that will happen in the final part of the story.

I know this is a sore spot for many who complain about not understanding the purpose of the Clear cards. It's because people tend to compare this set of Cards with the ones Sakura captured previously. That's not the right way to look at them, because their origin and purpose are different and change throughout the story. Forget about the Sakura Cards, even though so many of these "Clear Cards" (which are never called so, not even once, in the story itself, but just "new cards" or "transparent cards") might look so similar in purpose to the previous ones.

First of all, the Clear Cards are an outlet for Sakura to vent in a healthy way her power in excess. Power that if kept inside, untapped and confined in her body, might have unpredictable harmful effects on her (<- probably the grief Yelan foresaw). God bless the Clear Cards for existing and allowing Sakura to vent out these bouts of uncontrolled power in a relatively safe way.

The Cards that Sakura produces in the beginning are sometimes reminiscing of the Sakura Cards, because her power manifests itself basing on Sakura's experiences, feelings, thoughts and wishes. The Sakura Cards are an important part of her life (before Syaoran took them, she literally acted like their "mom", keeping them alive with her power) so it's only normal that the first base for some of these new Cards would be a magic tool that she already knows. In this sense, it becomes easier to understand why many of the "captures" seem so easy, way too easy compared to what a reader would expect from a sequel: the goal of the capture here isn't to make her power and experience in capturing cards grow. She already had 2 arcs to do all of that. The capture of the Cards in this third arc becomes something new and unexpected: a "damage control" of a regrettable situation with Sakura's powers, while she learns to dominate them and enter into harmony with her supernatural abilities. The growth Sakura needs here is mainly a mental one. Performing her magical power aimlessly without having a true connection with it and a true understanding will only exacerbate the problem. This is the reason why, despite having a "capture" element, Clear Card derails from the previous arcs in the purpose of the capture. It's a pity that an element that should've brought freshness to the plot was in many cases received as an actual flaw.

In the beginning, as Sakura's power is completely out of her control, some Cards might look completely random too - they don't look based on Cards, thoughts or wishes (like Appear, Reflect, Action, etc.). But pay attention, because the more the story goes on, the more the Cards begin to become particularly specific to something that shook Sakura's heart in that moment, or referencing events/feelings that will become pivotal to the events Sakura will experience later. Especially regarding Kaito's plan. Many of the later Cards Sakura produces are a direct reflection of the feelings and wishes that Kaito infused in the activation of the forbidden magic, with the creation of "the story for Akiho", the one he wanted to absolutely have a happy ending for. Cards like Repair, Promise, Choice, Kindness, True and False, Synchronization, Rewind....many of them didn't even get to express their magical abilities in a "conventional way" (everyone expected to see Sakura literally activating them like she does with all the others), but it's just because at that point the Cards Sakura is producing are born following her premonitory intuition: thanks to the hints/speeches that those Cards give her in Clockland, Sakura little by little regains consciousness of her true self (it's a pity that many English readers will never realize all the times Sakura was about to "wake up" in Clockland, because the translation didn't respect the change in fonts of the JP text). Sakura wasn't supposed to "use" them in a conventional way (how do you "use" Kindness? You force people to be "kind"? 🤨 and what about Choice??), she was supposed to listen to them and let them guide her towards the truth. This is also the reason why all of these Cards bear the face of her loved ones. Think of them as tarots. Which is, incidentally, another use of the original Clow/Sakura Cards. I am basically sure of this interpretation because the kanji of some of those Cards I mentioned above are brought up during the climax: particularly when Akiho talks to Kaito in chapter 78, she uses two specific verbs, referring to Kindness (慈愛 - a kind of gentle and tender love) when she describes the love and support her family gives her in this rewritten world, and to Choice (選択) when she questions Kaito about his choice to disappear completely from her life. So to summarize, the last Cards Sakura produced "accidentally" weren't accidental at all, but were actually specifically produced by her power in reference to Kaito's plan, to help her finding the way out to a dire situation. This represents a very important indicator in the plot: at that stage of the story, Sakura started to listen more and more to her intuition and her sixth sense, finally quitting her bad habit of downplaying it ("maybe it's just me") but actually giving it credit and taking it seriously, trusting her instinct to lead her in the right direction. And this was, of course, all thanks to the speech Syaoran gave her back in chapter 52. It is also the case of the Rewind Card, which Sakura will ultimately understand the purpose of on her own, at the very end of the series. That's the moment where everything will become clear and make sense to her: "This Card, too...I created it precisely for this moment". The Clear Cards ultimately became the embodiment of her foretelling powers. Which then led to the birth of the first two consciously created Cards, Blank & Remind, which will become so important in the climax.

If we ever get a new arc in the next years, we'll certainly deal with a more mature Sakura, who's more in sync with her magical powers 🩷.

[emblazons]

So (because I cannot go three seconds without noticing new little things that tell the wider story in this show):

Let’s talk about how the music that plays during the S3 Byler fight is the exact same music that plays during the S4 conversation Mike & Dustin have with Lucas as they walk to class after the pep rally—

—and how that parallel gives us insight not only into how Mike (and his devotion to Will) has evolved between seasons 3 and 4….but also how The Duffers are evolving Mike as a character in the wake of the "conflict" of forced conformity they introduced in S3.

To start: here are snippets of both scenes where “Not Kids Anymore” plays, both in Season 3 and Season 4.

Now, even though Mike is present in both scenes, it’s not entirely obvious why these things would be parallels, given the radical difference in tone. That said: when we look at these scenes in their wider contexts, we see that they are both exploring the exact same issue, only with Mike on opposite sides of the convo each time—

—namely, whether or not its worth it for Mike to embrace conformity, given that there are behaviors/roles he is meant to fill when trying to keep up with being normal/growing up...and "society" says that DnD / nerdiness (and a refusal / lack of desire to participate in performative relationships) stands entirely apart from that.

Let me see if I can explain.

First: these things are parallels because they are asking us to compare the Mikes in each situation—to notice how he took Will’s words to heart, and decided on some level that Will was right, not him. How do we know? Because in the time between these two convos (aka the rain fight and then the first few episodes of S4), we learn that Mike has made a point to address and rectify all criticisms Will had of him & his behavior during the rain fight.

As of the very first episode of S4, we are shown that Mike is 1) paying attention to both the party/DnD the way Will criticized him for not doing (to the point of calling out Lucas for not prioritizing it the way he now wants to)—

—2) he is focusing on keeping closeness with Dustin (even to the point of judging Lucas for not doing the same), because Will accused him of ignoring Dustin as readily as he ignored him—

—and 3) he has entirely stopped "swapping spit" with El (to the point of removing her from a hug at the airport, kissing her on the forehead...and then never kissing her again lmao) while letting his relationship fall apart without much of a fight…right before apologizing to Will for letting El get in the way of their time spent together in the first place.

Basically: even though he is still struggling in many ways to defend himself from being bullied/being an outcast by hiding behind his relationship with El (the same way Lucas is with “being popular” and basketball), we can see that Mike has made clear strides towards embracing the sides of him that aren’t conformist, which is reflected in all of his decision-making in Will's absence.

Though Mike is getting older and the party “aren’t kids anymore,” them paralleling these scenes is showing us that Mike, at least on some level, has realized that growing up is not at odds with embracing the things he enjoys & his various identities, whether that be through playing DnD—

—wearing clothes he chose on his own—

—or willingly choosing closeness with Will over the performance of relationships with girls (the same way Will already had in Season 3, and Dustin reflected as well).

Now...this isn't to say that he's entirely succeeded at the task, given how many times we see him fumble through actually implementing these changes/revelations in himself, whether with clothes (hello 'shitty knockoff'), embracing his actual interests, or even letting himself want to admit he wants to be with/around Will and not El—

—on top of the fact that I've already talked (many, many times) about how the journey of "feeling like you lost" the Duffers took us on had Mike ending up in a position where "conformity" temporarily wins, how that plays into his relationship with El versus Will, and why it matters for his character even outside of his queerness.

Still: I think this parallel in particular is important to understanding his character because it rules out any idea that Mike is somehow oblivious rather than intentionally working through to the changes happening in himself, whether they be in regards to him re-choosing DnD, making decisions about his clothing for himself...or wanting to be closer to Will / not participate in "liking girls," which is what he gets projection-mad at Will about during the rain fight.

tl;dr: Mike has realized on some level that he wants to be more like / closer to Will than his S3 "conformity" self—and the war we see on his face throughout the season in conversations with Will has a lot to do with that, among other things.

This musical parallel in particular draws attention to the fact that there have been changes happening within Mike that he sees and recognizes—he just "lost" like every other character this season, aka failed at walking into a more secure sense of self / out of his "conformist" relationship in its entirety...which we'll resolve in S5. :)

[spuffybot]

I just did a watch of Welcome to the Hellmouth and The Harvest. There’s so many amazing little things happening in those first two episodes.

1. The Music: there is so much 90s sitcom music happening. Especially at the end of The Harvest when they avert the apocalypse and it’s just Giles, Buffy, Xander, and Willow reflecting on what happened. The music sounds like it’s from an episode of 7th Heaven.

2. Everything David Boreanaz is doing is hysterical. You can tell it’s one of baby’s first real acting gigs. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, his arms are swinging inexplicably, and he makes standing still look so painfully awkward.

3. The Wardrobe: We get some of the best and worst looks in these two episodes and it’s quite frankly, iconic. Buffy’s first day of school look literally defined a generation. However her first night at The Bronze look??? What is happening here? And let’s not even get started on Angels shiny plush velvet jacket. He’s giving hot topic vampire.

4. The Lighting: I love how dark season 1 is, it’s a total vibe and I have so much nostalgia for watching this show when it was first on TV. But there are scenes that are actually impossible to see (the opening sequence for example) and there’s a moment in The Harvest where Buffy shatters a window and you can just see where the prosthetics are glued to Luke’s face.

5. The Prosthetics: If you didn’t know, they changed the prosthetics because they were so hard to talk in! Darla is impossible to understand half the time and they had to change some of Jesse’s lines because he couldn’t say “s” words.

6. Darla x The Mythology: ok so obviously we know Darla goes on a journey. It’s funny to look back at these initial episodes and see her behaving in ways that feel out of character. She doesn’t seem to know much about Slayers. She’s easily defeated by some holy water and a cross (wielded by Willow and Giles of all people.) She’s deferential to Luke in a way that makes her seem higher in rank than a fledgling but certainly not the 500 year old vampire we come to know. There’s also so many small mythology things that don’t make the cut or are evolved over time. Giles has seemingly never encountered many supernatural creatures and is unaware of what a Hellmouth is. Vampires eyes glow in the dark and they have talon like nails. Buffy’s stakes look like coffee table legs. I love seeing how the show grows beyond these beginnings.

I’m excited to continue watching season 1. I almost always skip straight to School Hard in any rewatch of the series and it’s so much fun to revisit these early episodes.

[haebeomsleftbuttcheek]

So, I finally read the ending of MHA, and re-read the couple of chapters before and I must say it has left me feeling one thing…✨unfulfilled✨ that ending was unfulfilling!

It felt really rushed and unanswered, there was so many plot points that were just…unanswered! Izuku’s guilt and trauma seemed to be barely mentioned or even acknowledged, and we can see he’s STILL keeping some things from his classmates(I get they don’t need to know everything but there’s the whole idea of not bottling it up hello 👋)! Ochaco never ends up acknowledging or confessing her feelings towards Izuku or vice versa, which to be honest it was mostly on Ochaco’s side but even then nothing. Even though I can’t lie I like that we had no romance or ship confirmation, at least it has ended in a way where you can interpret it in many ways. Also Ochaco is her own character, not simply a love interest so not necessarily upset! Izuku’s father is clearly not important that’s as obvious as hell 😂 man never made an appearance, and apparently there is talks of Hori forgot all about him but not 100% sure on that piece of information(seems kind of likely tho 😅 or he just doesn’t care). I don’t even want to talk about Shigaraki and Toga 😭💔!

Bakugou’s arc I felt finished in a good way, but again I am still left feeling unfulfilled on some things evolving around him and Izuku. So, we learn that Bakugou put a lot of his savings into Izuku’s new suit during the final chapter(as did the whole class), and we have Bakugou once again reflecting on his past bullying. I feel his guilt over the bullying also may have played a role in him doing what he can to help Izuku getting that suit. However, we have no thought process on Bakugou’s death or even his apology, we don’t know what Izuku felt about the apology or how Bakugou’s short-term death affected him? Like obviously we can see in the moment it happened Izuku was affected, but the aftermath of that? Izuku’s thoughts on the apology? I guess it is up to us to assume he’s forgiven him, and he most likely has but I feel that was something that should have been touched upon. Except it wasn’t touched upon at all, this is like with Shouto and his father!

The Todoroki family conclusion was….very Endeavor focused 🙄 which isn’t necessarily awful, but like he took up so much of that conclusion were left with so many unanswered questions and thoughts! Like Shouto hardly spoke nor did we even hear his inner thoughts, and it’s really upsetting because we don’t know anything. What are his feelings? How is he coping after the war? His feelings on his brother? His father? We don’t know if he’s proud of his father, or if he’s disappointed, whether he’s forgiven him or not and what does he feel about his father retirement? The relationship between Shouto and his mother has truly been ruined for me, and is it for petty reasons? Yeah probably but it’s the way it’s been handled…Hori started Shouto’s journey with wanting to save his mother, and showed she held importance to Shouto. We see that Shouto holds his mother dear, and yet their first reunion in the hospital was not explored, the second is off-screened in favour of Enji’s blubbering face AND then when we have Shouto reiterating Rei’s very words back to her. The words that helped him in his dark days, and her response to that was….to be happy for Enji because hey his sidekicks are there and Hawks has texted him! No acknowledgment to her son, and this is the son she labelled the “family hero” a huge burden to put on your youngest child just support for Enji! It’s just ruined the relationship for me a bit, and I’m not the only one with this critique others have pointed it out.

It’s also pleasing to know that the Japanese side had this critique too! We have Endeavor stating he was going to retire, and that he is going to atone and keep at-

Like perfect 👌 it’s not like we don’t know this already, it’s something you’ve told us over and over. How about we hear from other family members?? Oh wait we do, we hear that Rei and Fuyumi want to talk to Touya too perfect 🤩 but I wanted more! I mean admittedly we know he’s going to keep atoning but him and Touya hadn’t had that conversation, but still 🙃 why did we need to re-enforce that Enji is going to keep atoning?! We know this! The positives for the conclusion to me is the soba, Touya apologising to Shouto and Enji accepting Natsuo’s no-contact! I was truly happy Natsuo went that route!

I just want to clarify that I don’t think it was necessary wrong for it to be so Endeavor focused, his points and character arc needed to be completed there’s no denying that. Him and Touya needed this talk too, and more but I feel like the others were over shadowed a bit! I mean we don’t even have Natsuo acknowledging Touya, the brother he’s supposedly closest too 🙃 I felt it could have been fixed if we had the Todoroki conclusion based over two chapters!(another reason why Hori should have had at least 10 more chapters to finish this instead of cramming it into 5)

Adult Shouto is so handsome, but no surprise there really! I’m so goddamn glad long hair shouto is DEAD 😌 sorry if you loved the long haired ponytail Shouto, I was always hoping he would not grow his hair long! He is being called Endeavor’s son less and less 😌 that’s good slowly creeping out of that man’s shadow! I’m so glad it seems like he didn’t take his father’s hero name, that theory was my nightmare! Also despite my complaints about the Todofam’s conclusion, I do like the idea that we can see Shouto has his friends to lean on and to gain comfort and love from! We also know he is heading towards being who he wants to be! I also did like how Shouto was the one who asked Touya about himself, instead of just talking at Touya!

Why is Enji STILL being pushed around on that wheelchair by Rei?? Like are you truly incapable of doing it yourself man 💀 it’s electric:

It’s literally a electric wheelchair, there is no need for Rei to being pushing him around 😭 I mean my mother said I could look at it as a way of her taking back her power but dude should be doing it himself! Oh I want to backtrack to the whole Bakugou’s apology - Enji’s apology agenda, we have seen, heard their inner guilt and seen them express their guilt/their sorry’s to their victims but AGAIN it’s not touched upon for their victims! We don’t hear Shouto’s response or inner thoughts on his fathers apology, like yes we know Shouto was not sure if he could forgive but he was watching to see what type of father Enji could be. However, we don’t know his feelings over the apology neither the one in the hospital or his final one, and with Izuku we hear absolutely nothing of his inner thoughts on Bakugou’s apology or nor does he give a genuine response to that apology- a verbal one at least!

The biggest BIGGEST sin of the whole story:

Quite literally is this coffin dodger still fucking breathing! Do wish we had more hero deaths in this final war, and I mean heroes of importance not some side show character no one emotionally cares about!

The appearance of that new guy, who was saved by the granny who didn’t help Tenko felt kinda pointless(though it clearly wasn’t). However I guess he was to show that hey look society is getting better, and we’re to look at this ending and see things are getting better which sure I can sort of see that I guess.

So we still have quirkism 😂 the whole “you can’t be a hero with that quirk” “only strong people with strong quirks can” talks! Honestly, he’s that adorable kid in that one scene 🥺 he was a cutie patootie!

The ranking thing still exists 😔 I was hoping it would be abolished, but oh well it is what it is!

Onto more positive things now ☺️ I do love this colour spread:

Look at them all smiling 😭 and Aoyama is still with them, which also in the spread of them all as pro-heroes Aoyama is with them! And for that I’m really happy 😊 he may have had to join them at a slightly later date but he’s with them so I’m happy!

Bakugou’s face as he works on his arm therapy 😂🤣 he always is so angry or at least he has an angry face! The others cheer him on though!

I’m upset that we never got to see Shouto eating soba with Touya, but I’m also happy for the ending to be left ambiguous. I mean obviously we are told he is slowly dying, but giving there was no confirmation of his passing or a grave stone. I’m free to pretend that he somehow manages to live on, and heal in some kind of way.

Lastly, it was definitely unfulfilling for me personally, there were things I liked but not enough to make me feel satisfied 😔. It felt rushed and unanswered on some plot points, and whether that’s to Horikoshi being just fed up with the story that he wanted it done or he was being pushed to finish it faster I don’t know. It’s just a bit disappointing, especially when I feel like many plot points could have been cleared up if he had made it 10 more chapters to finish not 5. However, I still love the series for the journey it has given me, it’s been my first manga I have ever completed so it will be dear in my heart. I started as an anime only, but I soon picked up the manga and well here I am! It’s been a hell of a ride, and I’m glad I got involved with it all even if sometimes the discourse made me want to scream 😂🤣!

[yourbutcboyfriend]

The Complex Journey from MtF to MtM: Navigating the Spectrum of Gender Identity

Gender is a deeply personal, evolving, and sometimes bewildering aspect of who we are. It’s not a simple binary, nor is it a linear path, as many once assumed. Over the last few decades, society has slowly opened its mind to the idea that gender is not determined solely by biological sex. The rise of trans and non-binary visibility has brought us closer to understanding how intricate this terrain is. Yet, the transition from MtF (Male to Female) to MtM (Male to Male) unveils a layer of complexity that isn’t often discussed, demonstrating that our relationship with gender can shift throughout life in ways that defy expectation.

This unique journey—moving from identifying as male, then female, and back to male—challenges the oversimplified narratives around transition and prompts a deeper exploration into what it means to live in the constantly shifting landscape of gender. It is a reflection of both personal discovery and the broader truth that gender is an ongoing conversation between the body, mind, and society.

Understanding Gender Identity: The Evolution of Self

For many, the initial step of transitioning from Male to Female can be rooted in the deep-seated recognition that the gender assigned at birth doesn’t align with how one feels inside. This misalignment, often called gender dysphoria, can manifest in various ways—discomfort with one’s body, the social expectations tied to that gender, or a desire to express identity in a way that reflects how one truly feels. The decision to transition, whether through hormones, surgeries, or social changes, is often a profoundly freeing one. For many trans women, finally living in alignment with their inner self brings relief and joy.

But for others, this step may not be the endpoint. It’s crucial to understand that the transition to female, while powerful, may only reveal part of the larger truth of a person’s identity. Over time, some individuals discover that while certain aspects of femininity resonated with them, the completeness of the female identity doesn’t fully capture who they are. This is where the journey from MtF to MtM begins.

This second transition can feel bewildering, even to the person experiencing it. After investing so much emotional and physical energy into becoming who they thought they were, grappling with the idea that their gender might be something else entirely can lead to feelings of confusion, doubt, and fear. “Did I make a mistake?” they may wonder. However, this is often less about regret and more about the natural evolution of identity. Gender is not static; it can shift and adapt as one grows and uncovers more about their own truths.

The Journey Back to Masculinity

Transitioning from MtF to MtM isn’t merely “going back” to the identity one was assigned at birth. It’s important to recognize that the journey through femininity has shaped and transformed the individual. In many ways, this second transition is about redefining masculinity, integrating the lessons learned from living as female, and embracing a version of masculinity that may feel more fluid, nuanced, and less constrained by societal expectations.

For some, the journey back to masculinity may involve physically detransitioning, stopping hormone therapy, or even undergoing procedures to reverse previous surgeries. For others, it’s more of an internal shift—a change in how they relate to their gender, present themselves, or feel in their own skin. The experience of dysphoria might return but in a new form, or it might disappear altogether as they find peace in this newfound understanding of their gender.

The fear of being misunderstood or judged can weigh heavily on individuals navigating this second transition. There’s a stigma attached to detransitioning, especially in a society that still clings to binary notions of gender. It’s common to fear being seen as someone who was “wrong” about their identity or who is “confused.” However, the truth is far more complex. Gender identity, for many, is a process of discovery that can unfold over a lifetime.

Society's Role in Shaping Gender Identity

Our relationship with gender is not formed in isolation. Society’s rules, expectations, and stereotypes about what it means to be male or female are ever-present, and navigating these norms while forging one’s own path can be immensely challenging. From childhood, many of us are bombarded with rigid ideas of what boys and girls are supposed to be, which leaves little room for personal exploration. Those who do not fit neatly into these categories can experience rejection, discrimination, and confusion about where they belong.

For someone transitioning from MtF to MtM, the external pressures can be particularly disorienting. The support systems that may have been built during their first transition might not fully understand the nuances of this next step. Friends, family, and even the broader LGBTQ+ community may have difficulty understanding or accepting why someone would return to a male identity. Unfortunately, this can lead to feelings of isolation, as though the individual no longer fits in with the trans community, nor with the cisgender world.

However, it’s vital that we recognize gender for what it is: fluid, diverse, and highly individual. For some, masculinity and femininity exist simultaneously, in tandem, or in flux. For others, these experiences are more separate and distinct. No two journeys are the same, and no one’s experience of gender is more valid than another’s.

A Reflection on the Perplexity of Gender

My own experience has shown me that gender is as much about feeling as it is about labels. Growing up, I assumed gender was a box that you fit into—a predetermined role to be played. But as I’ve come to understand more about myself and the people around me, I realize gender is less like a box and more like an ocean—expansive, sometimes stormy, but always deep. It’s something you swim through, navigate, and sometimes get lost in.

The journey from MtF to MtM exemplifies this idea. It reminds us that gender is not a static destination; it’s a lifelong journey of self-discovery. We each have the right to explore, define, and redefine who we are, free from judgment or fear of being wrong. Gender, in all its complexity, is not meant to be a burden but a means of expression—a way to be more ourselves than we ever thought possible.

In a world where gender often feels binary and fixed, those who transition between and within it are the ones showing us that it’s anything but. Gender is an evolving conversation with the self, one that can change, grow, and deepen over time. And for those navigating the journey from MtF to MtM, this truth resonates profoundly: who you are is not about choosing sides, but about embracing the totality of your experience.

[lailoken]

Hello Lailoken! how can someone who's 'new to all this' tell if the entities they’re contacting in visions, dreams or any other 'otherworldly journey' are, indeed, fae to be trusted, or if it's just 'tricksters' and they’re being intentionally misled, or meant for harm? Are there any signs? what's your experience with discerning spirits' intentions? (divination aside, I feel any divination done by myself to try to unravel this would be 'tainted' or come untrue, but do correct me if I'm wrong! I also don’t want to depend on other people’s skills on divination to be able to do this safely...)

This is honestly a rather dense subject, but I will do my best to respond to some points you brought up here.

Firstly, here are some tips to keep in mind when attempting this kind of work:

— Learn to identify when and how you are experiencing legitimate numinous communications to begin with. Once you feel confident that you're dealing with real contact, then you can begin to work on parsing out what feels hinky and what feels trustworthy. Working on meditation, dream recall, divination, and other such techniques can do a lot to help you strengthen these skills.

— Use/develop wards that can be put in place when attempting to interact with spirits. Someone could write a whole monograph just on warding techniques, but suffice it to say that you're going to want to be proficient in warding before attempting to work with most spirits. At the least, I think it's important to have wards in place against physical harm, psychological contamination, and deception, as these are the main things one generally has to worry about if interacting with a dangerous spirit. Learning to employ these wards when divining is also an important part of how you learn to trust more in divination for looking into this sort of matter.

— Keep close track of your interactions and suspected interactions with spirits. Doing this helps to give a more "fleshed out" sense of the Wight in question, by allowing you to look over the record of their behavior. This also helps with identifying any possible lies or inconsistencies put forward by the spirit.

— Set clear boundaries with any spirits, and be wary of wights who disregard or consistently push those boundaries. Sometimes, spirits can help push us to grow and evolve, even if it's not always comfortable. But just like mundane relationships, numinous relationships that demonstrate a consistent pattern of forceful and/or manipulative behavior are troubling.

There are also certain red flags I think are worth watching out for when attempting to work with spirits:

— Have caution if a spirit always seems to say exactly what you want to hear. Having a good relationship with your Spirit Kith is a wonderful thing, but I tend to be untrusting of a spirit who consistently reflects back exactly what I'm hoping to see—particularly if said spirit is always clamoring for my attentions.

— Beware of consistently confusing or contradictory communications. Spirits can be coy or even downright confusing, but that isn't a red flag in and of itself. After all, numinous wights experience the world very differently from us, and their attempts to communicate can become "jumbled" when passing through the lens of our conscious understanding. Whats more, they sometimes speak in riddles for their own reasons. But if a spirit tells outright lies, or if they seem to pull you every which way based on cold whims, that's something worth being concerned over.

— Be on guard if a spirit starts out by acting very gentle and affable with you, but becomes progressively controlling and aggressive over time. Abusive humans have a tendency to show their true colors gradually as a way to draw in and then trap potential victims, and this same tactic is often seen with spirits as well.

— Suspicion is in order if you tend to become fatigued, dizzy, and/or confused when/after interacting with a spirit. To be fair, these experiences can be a normal part of spirit work, in general, for many people—especially if you're new to it. But if it's pervasive or extreme, or if you start to also experience pain, then it's usually worth being wary. The same goes for other troubling physical symptomology, but these are the most common symptoms I've come across.

— Something isn't right if bad things frequently happen in relation to the spirit. If you've been having terrible nightmares ever since the spirit came into your life, that's concerning. If you or your loved ones always seem to become sick or injured when you do something to displease the spirit, then that's worrisome. If you've been experiencing continual hardships or traumas since the arrival of a spirit, that's alarming. Especially when these things somehow funnel back into you giving the spirit more attention and energy (asking them for solace and protection, for instance.)

[drdemonprince]

are there any medium articles or other essays you've written that you have a different perspective on now? Whether a small bullet point or the entire objective of a piece. It's interesting following your journey while catching up on the archive

Ohhhh yeah. In a big way. My thinking on nearly all matters continues to evolve, so much so that I always cringe a bit at some phrasings in my books by the time they are out.

In my work on Medium you can see a strong inconsistency in how I think about several topics -- I've gone through periods of disparaging my family, to extending them grace, to thinking I have a moral responsibility to fight with them, to regretting my rage at them, to calling my parents abusive, and on and on. On this topic, it's not so much that my feelings have changed, so much as each point of view represents one facet of the same gem I'm spinning in my mind's eye.

My thoughts on sexual assault and justice have evolved a ton. Around the time of the Weinstein and Ansari accusations, I wrote a lot about rape and coercion. Then a dear friend experienced an assault and was not believed by a huge friend group that we shared and I took on an even more hardline, believe-all-victims-and-take-action-swiftly-to-protect-them stance. I was more traumatized and dysphoric back then too.

My hardline stance eventually came into conflict with my abolitionism, and my growing respect for the importance of personal discernment that emerged more and more over the course of the pandemic. I just saw too many people who were afraid to exercise their own discernment on a wide array of topics and who amplified vague callouts of all kinds without skepticism (god, remember the Wayfair conspiracy?), and I saw how such formless accusations harmed the marginalized in particular. And all the gormless attacks on "narcissists" as the cause of abuse really chilled me. all that strongly tempered my dogmatism.

But I have also witnessed the "anti cancel culture" squad fail to live up to any value system whatsoever and I have fought with them a lot quite openly over their frequently racist, transphobic, theory-free views. All I know today is that navigating these waters is very, very hard, and that I am only in control of living by my values and being outspoken about them and that attempts to manipulate a moral response out of other people don't work and that information is only as good as my knowledge about who and where it came from. I think my evolution on all this closely tracks with the shifts in the zeitgeist -- it's rare for me to be that on pace with the average person I meet.

My perspective on how a meaningful difference in the world is made has changed. In 2016 I was calling politicians for an hour every day on livestream to protest this or that conservative bill. Now i'm an anarchist with minimal regard for electoral politics or any formal institutions. I did vote for Brandon Johnson though.

But by far the piece that least reflects my current understanding of things is one from 2020 called "Against Community." But that one was never meant to be a prescription for how people should live their lives. It was just a description of where I was at emotionally, having watched multiple friend groups disintegrate over abuse, triangulation, and bad boundaries. I'm glad I don't have to feel that way now. It was the growth after that experience that led to my revelation that communities are just relationships you build, and keep building, not static places you find.

On the whole I am less angry now, less dogmatic, less inclined to believe that electoral work matters or that posting is activism, less hellbent on making everybody agree with me, more comfortable with mourning, more radical, more patient, less grandiose and less hung up on what other people think of me. Despite all that i am still a very arrogant angry neurotic stressed out self superior insecure person.

Thanks for this great question. When I hold fake interviews with myself in the shower, it's being asked things like this that I fantasize about.

[mariacallous]

Honey cake has had a long and diverse evolution. From breadcrumbs mashed with honey came the sweet and spiced cake we know today. Whether you like it, love it, or will always pass on this Rosh Hashanah classic, its evolution exemplifies the culinary journey of Jewish Diaspora. This is more than a cake; it connects Jews to Torah, holidays and the sweetness of life.

Though ancient Egyptians and Romans used honey mashed with yeast or barley, the birth of the spiced honey cake, evolving into something more similar to the one we know today, was in Italy in the early 12th century. Similar to a panforte, it was a dense and heavily spiced cake. Elsewhere in Europe, another variation became known as “gingerbread.” This dense honey cake made its way up to Central Europe, where Ashkenazi Jews adapted it into their cuisine. 

According to the Encyclopedia of Jewish Food, the first mentions of the Ashkenazi version of honey cake came in 1105, describing it like a fine-floured challah with honey. The official name of lekach was found in the year 1200 in Germany. 

Medieval Ashkenazi Jews incorporated honey cakes into a custom surrounding the study of Torah. When a new student would learn Torah for the first time, sometimes on Shavuot, the child would be given a slate with Hebrew letters, covered with honey, to lick. They would also receive honey cake as a treat. Both applications of honey were used so that they would associate the study of Torah with sweetness. It is not surprising then, that the Yiddish word for honey cake, lekach, probably comes from the German word lecken, meaning “lick.”  

The honey cake lived on in multiple forms and countries. The 19th century saw “old fashioned honey cake” as a common compliment to tea time in both England and the United States. One article even offered it up in a list of “Prize Christian Cakes” (The Evening Post, December 21, 1818). But the Jewish community kept its own twist and connection to the honey cake. 

As honey is used on the Jewish New Year as a symbol for sweetness to come, a round (another symbol of the New Year) honey cake is commonly a staple at the festive Rosh Hashanah meals. In addition to the beneficial symbolism, honey cake also has the benefits of a long shelf life; it is even said that this cake is better a couple days after it is made. 

But not everyone is in favor of this practical confection. Some argue that the honey cake’s place at the table is a matter of tradition or nostalgia for bubbe’s recipe, rather than an actual appreciation for the cake itself. One NPR article connects the traditional obligation honey cake to its cousin, fruit cake, both coming with a list of grievances. There are often claims that honey cake is too dense or dry, and has earned itself a reputation for remaining on the Rosh Hashanah table to be saved as leftovers, but inevitably thrown out well after Sukkot.

However, like many other traditional Jewish dishes, the honey cake has evolved once more with few modern interpretations that attempt to make it more appealing and palatable to the masses. A quick search of recipes online today shows the ways bakers have taken honey cake to a new level. There are tahini honey cakes and honey cakes with a chocolate glaze. If you’re thinking, “I want honey cake but also mandlebrot at the same time,” that exists, too! Gluten free? Done. Vegan? Done (I know, I know, how could this be? You can actually use silan/date syrup.)

Regardless if you like a slice that is super spicy, toned down with a chocolate glaze, or left on the table untouched, the honey cake has burrowed itself deep in the cycle of the annual Jewish menu, and therefore lives to see another year.  Like the Jewish people, the honey cake reflects hints of the places we have been, while remaining sturdy and long-lasting through its connection to Jewish learning and tradition. And I, for one, am thankful that it has survived this long.

[art-res]

Recently I've found myself unable to draw anything bc I have no idea what I want my style to be. Whenever I try to just draw without forcing a style, I hate whatever I come up with. I just can't seem to nail down a style and then consistently remember how to draw in it. It's really taken the fun and love out of drawing for me. Any tips mayhaps?

hey anon, great question!

Here's an article I did a while back on this topic, but below is an answer I just wrote out lol!

If you're feeling stressed about creating art, I can relate! I had the same issue for a while. One thing that has helped me is shifting my focus from finding a specific style to simply enjoying the process of experimenting. By taking the pressure off, you can relax and try out different techniques without worrying about the end result. That little saying enjoy the journey kinda is legit lol. To make it even easier, I suggest using printer paper or a throwaway sketchbook to take some of the mental pressure off.

Another helpful tip is to look at artists you admire and ask yourself, "What do I love about their work? What do I want to include in my work and how do I make it my own?" By identifying specific elements that resonate with you, you can start to incorporate those into your own art in a way that feels authentic and unique. Remember, your style may constantly evolve as it is often a combination of all our influences.

If you're struggling to recreate a specific drawing or technique, I have two ideas.

First, try filming yourself as you work. This may require some extra storage space and feel weird, but it's an effective way to analyze your process and identify areas for improvement.

Second, take notes and reflect on your work after you've finished. This may feel unnatural at first, but it can help you identify what worked well and what you can improve upon in the future.

Best of luck!

Ali

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