#how i feel like whether something was a good dream or not is entirely dependent on how the person feels upon waking

[moe-broey]

Concept: Peony bestowing a gentle dream so sweet that isn't reflective of your reality At All, so that when you wake you're like. Feeling even worse actually. Why did you make me dream of closure that's not at all feasible in my reality.

LIKE. LIKE. It was Just Grounded Enough in the circumstances of the situation, that in another world maybe it all DID play out this way. Maybe it truly could have played out like that. And you're going through all these very real motions about it. It's deeply emotional, but has to be done, and on the horizon you know things are rough now but soon. Everything will be okay soon.

But that's. Not at all reflective of your situation. So you just wake up like. You found every little thing in my heart that I longed for. Treated it, with all the care and kindness in the world. But then I woke up and honestly I feel like that was kind of fucked up of you tbh LMFAOOOO

[desireangel]

Dark Cherry [4] | Aemond Targaryen

Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Reader

Summary: after months of a marriage that hardly harbours the passion that you'd dreamed about, you stumble across the reason for your husband's indifference and decide enough is enough. Aemond will learn just exactly what he's been missing out on.

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: MDNI 18+!! canon divergence!!! I fucked the timeline and nigly bits bc this was an impulse fic ok soooo it was mostly unplanned, almost smut, angst, let the grovelling happen babyyy, unedited, mention of alys x aemond but not in a good way :((, infidelity, talk of sex, guilt, mentions of Aegon x reader, hmmm I ramble, little vulnerable Aemond, bad language, let me know if I've missed anything!

Author's note: y'all I was never done with that man like there's no easy out for him :llll. Anyways I wrote most of this instead of studying which I needed to do. Perhaps I'll have my hand at another idea I'm cooking before part 5 but I'm alsoooo unsure about how keen we are to keep this one going - like is it getting too much??? either way, I enjoy writing this. and idk how to shut up, clearly, because I love that internal mind talk shit. Drop your thoughts in my inbox or PM me because I love to yap!!! xoxo, kisses!!! <3

Masterlist

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He was a fool. A spoiled, arrogant and entitled fool. You often thought about whether Aemond actually recognised the effect of his actions on anyone else. It was always ‘I did it for us’ or ‘I did it because I had to do it’.

So after your confrontation the day before, it had surprised you that Aemond had truly believed he was forgiven. Maybe it shouldn’t have. You had, after all, sat beside him and laughed with him. Shared a moment as if things were better. But it was nothing more than a lighthearted acknowledgement that whatever game was being played was entirely ridiculous yet you could feel how something had changed. There was a newfound intensity between the two of you and Aemond had clearly understood that he had made a mistake

But that wouldn't be enough for forgiveness. Things would never really be the same. You will never forget. The nameless woman had made a home in your unconscious mind and everything would remind you of the woman your husband had chosen to take to bed over you. She was beautiful, she was experienced and free of burden. Based on that alone a part of you could see why she could have been a better choice–a part of you that ached and pained ceaselessly. 

And you weren’t sure you could carry on as if Aemond hadn’t thrown your entire world into the pits of ruin. Because that is exactly what he may as well have done. All you had was your marriage to him–a fact that was as painful as it was true. If it all fell apart because of him only you would suffer from it. 

Your name, your family’s name. A Lady born to a house of remarkably lowly nobility with little more than your marriage to the prince. A charity case marriage to tell the realm’s people that the Crown was not so prejudiced as to be above uniting with the likes of your house. That the Lannisters and Baratheons were important but they were not everything. A fabrication only made necessary to cover up the fact that it was a lie–the Targaryens (and even the Hightowers as you had come to realise) really did believe they were of better blood. 

A failure to fulfil your duty to the Targaryen crown as Prince Aemond’s wife would destroy your family name. And you would have no prospect of happiness after it. What else did you have aside from this?

Aemond would never understand that. Because not only was he a man but he was a prince. A privilege, a safety and a security he had inherited through birth. 

Aside from the pressures of society, he had hurt you. Badly. 

Despite your own confliction about it, you did have love for Aemond–how could you not? Love came from many things and while yours may have come from your dependance on his word, on the duty he performed to be your protector as he was to the Crown and its subjects, on his polite affections as limited as they were, it still found its way into your heart. Perhaps it was foolish to allow it entry into your existence when you had already known that there was no love to come from Aemond. 

It didn’t change anything. Betrayed your trust, taken you for granted and destroyed the sanctity of a husband’s loyalty as if he were as dishonourable as any other Lord. 

You would never say it out loud but it had broken your heart. And heartache is a consuming, suffocating and painful thing to feel. A constant lump in your throat, something always weighing your chest down, a disastrous, aching discomfort in your belly. Tears had stained your pillow at night and dried by the morning, the fabric of the linen acquiring the same unphased facade that you would wear as you plastered on a mask of ignorance so that you could continue to live through your day. 

All because you had wanted him. Aemond, who was doomed to disappoint and destroy merely because that is all that princes do. 

For him to have mistaken your truce–the end to the back and forth game that had been wreaking havoc in its wake-as forgiveness was infuriating. He had no idea. 

Well, maybe he did. Now that he had seen you with another just as you had seen him. And you recognised your own experience in the moment he had realised what was happening. 

Aemond’s call to breakfast made you want to laugh. But you had turned him down for afternoon tea just the day before only to be found swallowing his brother’s seed. You winced at the shamefulness of your thought, muttering a quick prayer for the sake of your piety whether it was genuine or not. 

He was seated lazily in the chair he favoured, an array of food spread across the table. There was a book in his hand. The same one he had taken from you the last time you had shared your morning meal together. Aemond had a smirk playing on his lips. 

You cleared your throat, curtsying before sitting down at the other end of the table to him and with as much distance between you as you could muster. “Good morrow, my Prince,”

“Formalities, I see,” He looked at you through his lashes. It was odd seeing him so relaxed, the tension that was always in his shoulders had been lost and there was a playful glint to his eye. You wanted to smack it out. “I believed we were past titles and distance for the sake of propriety, my sweet. As well as rigid greetings.”

All you responded with was a stare. 

Dropping the book to his side, Aemond sighed and leaned forward, pouring tea into a cup. He stood, taking a couple steps forward to hand it to you. “We have fixed-”

“We have fixed nothing.”

“I am trying to turn a new leaf,” he commanded. You took the cup and saucer from his hand, the warm waft of vanilla and rose giving you a slight reprieve from the threat that rolled off his tongue. “If you do not recall, dear wife, I as well have every reason to resent you. The image of you sucking on my useless brother’s cock is not one I can easily bare. Yet I have chosen to let it be. I could have easily decided otherwise.”

“That would make you a hypocrite.” You glanced at him over the rim of your teacup. 

“It does not matter much if I am a hypocrite, does it?” Aemond sat, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. He wasn’t bothered with the food in front of him, focused solely on you. “I hardly see how that would change anything.”

You squirmed under the intensity of his stare, picking up a cherry from the bowl of fruits and rolling the stem between your fingers. “It matters to me. Certainly, it matters for your reputation among the smallfolk. Nobody cares for a selfish prince, my dear.”

Aemond hummed, smirking at the venom you spat at him. You noticed the coin that he rolled between his fingers, nimble and thoughtless as if it were like breathing. Not so much a nervous habit but a thoughtful one. 

He couldn’t lie and say that he didn’t enjoy your confidence. It was refreshing. But there was a dip in his gut at the thought that there was no hope for the two of you. Aemond, ever logical, knew he had no one else to blame but himself with his lack of foresight and failure to see beyond the now and here. 

Because Aemond had not even considered how things would go on should you not forgive him. He had assumed that you would if not merely on the basis that there was little lost from a relationship that hardly existed in the first place. You had love for him and he was so convinced that such a thing would be impossible that he didn’t consider that it would cause you heartache beyond slighted offence and jealousy. 

A violet eye lingered on the cherry that remained between your fingers. Aemond was good at putting on an act. He thought for a moment that he would rather take lashes to his back than have you know that he had no idea how to love someone properly. A part of him was persuaded that he was incapable of being a good lover. The lashes seemed like a blissful gift compared to the self-loathing that simmered in his belly at the probability that he had ruined any chance your marriage had of recovery.  

It crossed his mind that it was his ignorance towards you right from the beginning that had damned your relationship. 

Either way, it did not help that you had turned to his brother for intimacy. Aemond felt his blood scorch whenever that invaded his mind. He wanted to crumble the walls of this fortress when he wondered if Aegon had enjoyed your womanhood. Jealousy did motivate him well, he realised, and Aemond had the murderous urge to feed Aegon to Vhagar. 

Nonetheless, he feigned amusement. “It seems as if you care for one.”

You ate the cherry. It was sweet and rich. All you replied with was an upturn of your chin as you gracefully held a small embroidered towel to your lips.

“So I am not forgiven?” Aemond had to break the silence before it cut him open. “Are we not even?”

Narrowing your eyes at him, you held back a surprised laugh. “You never apologised. Not that it would make any difference.”

“That does not answer my question.”

“Of course you are not forgiven,” you sighed. The tea cup hit the table with a clang. Your disdain for his actions and his ignorance gave you an unfettered confidence around him which you weren’t accustomed to. It made it very difficult to control yourself. “And no, we are not even, my Prince. And since you have brought it to my attention, I am of half a mind to find Aegon and offer him a meal between my thighs. You see, I have often wondered how it would feel and I expect that our King would be happy to indulge my… curiosities.”

Aemond sneered, a silent one that was more visible in his intake of a breath, the curl of his lips and the hardening of his eye. Bullseye. 

It took him less than a couple seconds to be on his knees in front of where you sat, a strong hand tightly gripping each side of your thighs over the thick fabrics of your dress. He had shoved the table aside, unphased as tea spilled and fruits and cheeses toppled to the floor. Something in the look of bewilderment on your face had Aemond ready to both grin at your clueless innocence and frown at your shock.

Aemond didn’t let himself dwell on the fact that you had given up on expecting such pleasures from him. He was your husband; nothing about what he was clearly intending on doing to you should surprise you. Cursing himself to perdition would not be enough for how he has failed you. 

“I feel obliged to remind you that we had agreed,” he grazed his nose across your knees, looking up at you through his eyelashes, jaw clenched tight as he all but growled his words. “That there will be no more of this foolishness. Not from you and not from me.”

It was an onslaught of different things that had rendered you still and silent. The way Aemond looked at you like you were the only satiating force for his eternal hunger, the wordless mixture of desire and anger in how his fingers dug into the flesh of your thighs, the desperation in his voice, strained by the fear that you would. Or was it the overwhelming feeling that Aemond was finally taking some accountability and that maybe he recognised not what his actions were but the meaning that they carried?

For a moment Aemond just looked at you, conflicted and fragmented and unguarded. The sight of him like this reminded you of a vulnerable child. But it didn’t last long before the menacing, cautionary glint was back in his eye, his posture becoming rigid as shuffled the fabrics of your skirts. 

A new kind of anxiety overcame you. Not like the insignificant nervousness you had felt that night when you had wandered into his chambers or used his leg to make yourself peak and not like the clueless apprehension with Aegon. It formed a ball in your chest and made it hard to breathe. 

There was no chance he would ever admit it but you could see Aemond’s vulnerability and desperation within the hardened facade he had perfected. He wanted nothing more than to seem strong and powerful at all times, worthy of acclaim and reverence. But here he was, willing to stay on his knees and worship you forever, all under the pretence of rageful infatuation. 

It was too hot. Even with the cool of the shadows cast by the dark net curtains that only let in enough daylight to see clearly and not enough to cause Aemond irritation from sensitivity in his eye, it was so warm you worried you would have to rip the sleeves off of your dress.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when Aemond let out a soft, dark groan, running his fingers across the expanse of your legs over your stockings, your skirts already bunched at your hips. Skin burning at his touch, you couldn’t help the way you whined and squeezed your thighs together, squirming under the intensity of his gaze. 

His voice was heavy with the burden of lust and regret. “I will be better. In all the ways that I have failed you and more. Your forgiveness, I realise, is not as easily granted as I presumed but I will show you that I am worthy of it.” 

There was a moment of weakness in your mind before you caught yourself. You didn’t quite believe him. It had clearly been too easy for him to give you empty promises and there was no reason why things would be different now. 

It was odd. Seeing Aemond weak like this. 

What would it mean if you let him continue? It was clearly different this time. You couldn’t put it into words exactly but there was a rawness, a blitz of different emotions that set things ablaze and made you want to both weep and mewl for him. 

You couldn’t spare a thought about why it was different. Aemond was right there, a weaponised Prince on his knees for you, a lowly Lady with nothing more to offer him than yourself. Since when did you hold all this power over him? 

That night in his bedchambers and last night when you had shared a laugh despite everything that had unfolded felt detached in a way. When you had allowed yourself release over his leg it was simply that. A way to ease the tension he had put in your body and a way to leave him wanting.

Aemond’s eye swam with a tenderness you had not seen from him. He continued to look up at you waiting to gauge your response. It was a slight nod of your head which had his hands tearing at the soft fabric of your stockings, his lips instantly meeting the skin of your knees before you had the chance to even gasp. All the while, he kept his eye on you as if his heart would cease to beat if he could not watch the way you reacted to him. 

It became increasingly harder to breathe. There were so many thoughts, so many sensations that you struggled to put it all together. Your flushed with anticipation, your cunt throbbed at the wet plushness of his lips on your hot skin and your hips squirmed at what was to come. 

Your mind, however, flashed with the image of Aemond, exactly as he was now, between another woman’s thighs. A woman who didn’t flinch at the unfamiliar touch, who didn’t jerk away at the foreign feeling of being pleasured. You wondered if he would be so angered at the prospect of another man’s mouth on her womanhood, if her skin felt softer or more rough on his lips and if he looked at her with the same heated need.

It made you feel sick. 

Aemond let himself enjoy the way your thighs tensed, pulling your smallclothes off of you as much as carefully as he could under the restriction of your skirts. There was an urge to rip the entire dress off but he knew it would be a step too far. He couldn’t help the low sounds that left him, sounds he couldn’t recognise. The expanse of your thighs and the sight of your flushed, hot cunt in front of him made his mouth water with a hunger that would have shocked him had he not been so distracted by your scent. 

Without complete vision, Aemond had learned to train his sense of touch, taste, smell and hearing to make up for the disadvantage he was stuck with. They were always slightly heightened compared to those who never needed the compensation of senses but in the cloud of desire and lust, he was sensitive. 

You whined at the way his tongue glided over your skin, biting down hard but not hard enough to be painful on the flesh of your upper thigh so close to where you needed to feel him. But Aemond was always remarkably patient and he merely made way to your other leg, repeating his ministrations and licking you from your knee to where he bit you at your thigh. 

The haze that had possessed you made you lose track of your thoughts so easily. Still, they fought their way to the forefront of your mind at every chance they could and you were reminded of her. 

Aemond’s mind was overwhelmed by you. There was no power in the realm that could make him think of anything else, not with the way you were trembling under his feathered touch and making such beautiful sounds for him, and not when he desired for anyone else apart from you. 

A heavy breath of shame and excitement tumbled out of you at how lewdly he dragged the tip of his nose across your thigh, pressing it into the flesh that sat above your slick, aching cunt and inhaling. You clenched around nothing, your clit twitching at the sound of Aemond’s unabashed groan. 

He grasped at your hips and your legs, his fingers burying into your flesh and tugging as if there would never be enough of you in his hands. It would have driven you into a similarly desperate state had things been different. 

The prince between your thighs was a sight to behold. Aemond’s skin was flushed pink, his eyepatch slightly out of place and his hair tousled from the way your legs clenched and unclenched against his head. He was almost drooling, mumbling about how good you smelled and how perfect and pretty your cunt was for him. His cock had never been so hard, constricted by the stiff leather of his training attires. 

Aemond enjoyed being a tease but there was only so much he could handle himself. While he wanted you to crave for him the way he was craving you so unbearably, Aemond needed to taste you. He needed to make you feel the blinding pleasure he should have been giving you at every chance he had since the night you were married. He needed to show you the ways of unbridled human desire and to show you all the ways your body could come undone and fall apart only to feel completely whole and fulfilled. 

There was no changing the past but Aemond would make up for how completely inattentive he had been. He would show you all the more fervently. When Aemond placed an open mouthed kiss just above your slit, letting a string of his spit glide off of his tongue onto your sensitive pussy, you shuddered.

All at once your mind was once again taken over by unsavoury thoughts. It had your eyes welling with tears, a familiar lump lodging in your throat, threatening to come out in a devastated sob. There was a ringing in your ears and you were back at Aemond’s door, peeking in only to see him giving that woman the same touch he was giving you right now. He had seemed so enthralled by her and the way she must have tasted. It was as if he’d been there before, indulging in her with so much passion it rivalled how eagerly touched you in this moment. 

Did her smell fill his veins with fire as yours was? Did her scent alone make his cock as painfully hard as yours did? Did her cunt drip for him the way yours did? Was the hunger in his eye shining for her too?

It was terrifying to consider. 

Aemond would spend hours here, he had decided. His duties for the day could be damned to the hells for all he cared. There was a rumbling in his chest for what he saw in front of him, inviting him to indulge and filling his mind with senseless ardour. Aemond let himself enjoy just the scent of you, his eye fluttering shut and his nose gently resting above your folds as he breathed you in, caressing your thighs softly with his hands. As if he were starved for years, Aemond salivated and with no patience left within him, he brought his lips downwards to meet the precious cunt he had been dreaming of. 

With a whimper that you couldn’t hold back, you jerked away from him. Aemond pulled away in surprise, his gaze full of confusion and lust and insecurity. “Wait, my love—“

You had slipped free of his grasp, a strangled cry escaping no matter how hard you tried to keep it in. There was one tear that slipped free, followed by countless more and you couldn’t look at him anymore, couldn’t bear to see that he was hurt before scrambling away from him. 

She was stuck in your mind. The memory of Aemond’s little trysts with her replaying behind your eyes no matter how hard you tried to shut it out. It was clear that there was nothing you could do to get ahold of yourself because everytime you looked at him, so enthralled in you and your sex, she was there. 

Laughing at you in the back of your mind, as if she had taken residence in a permanent place in your head, enjoying the state of despair and madness she and Aemond had led you to. 

But she couldn’t be in your head. Not really. Not in the way it felt she was. 

You barely glanced back at Aemond through your tears, struggling to even your breathing and calm the rapid beating of your heart. He hadn’t moved much; just simply stayed there frowning at the space that you had once occupied on the chair. 

There was nothing he could do to change things. Aemond knew that as well as you did. But there was a pain in your heart at the way he looked so defeated, so guilty that it almost seemed like he would melt into a puddle of remorse. A far stretch from the usual stoic warrior that you had known him as.

“My prince, I–” you swallowed, your voice catching when he looked up at you with a wide eye and furrowed eyebrows. For a moment you remembered that he had no right - but he was trying, was he not? “I cannot continue with this knowing that you had touched her like this. It angers me and it upsets me and it pains me to think of it but ‘tis beyond my control.”

He stayed silent, observing the way you hid yourself from him and struggled to meet his gaze. There was a sullen look to you, one you had not entered with and it stuck needles in his flesh to think that he had been the cause of it. Aemond’s entire body felt hot and he was itching to tear off his leathers. He wished the gods would strike him down as he was for hurting you so.

You had turned away, disappearing from his quarters swiftly. You would never forget the image of how you had left him there–it was both satisfying and devastating. 

Aemond, still on his knees for the ghost of you, his expression tortured and his shoulders tensed. It was a pathetic sight, should anyone stumble upon it, but you considered it beautiful. Beautiful in a lethal, catastrophic manner. Not unlike himself; a weaponised source of destruction who had a tendency to bring torment upon those he loved. 

The rest of your day had been spent alone in your chambers. You hadn’t cried so much over any of it until now. The tears and sobs that you had held inside of yourself for weeks had forced themselves out, along with the emotions you had pushed down until you could no longer. 

Aemond had a certain control while you were sitting in that seat, skirts bunched to your stomach and quivering for him to have his way. Regardless, the power was still yours and you knew that it was Aemond who was wrapped tightly around your finger at that moment. He would have listened to anything you had said–done anything you had told him to do. 

Perhaps you had become too stubborn in your anger to have let yourself feel anything else. A retributive anger; one that sprouted from the lack of love that existed in your marriage and reached a climax at Aemond’s brazen adultery. And it only grew stronger in whatever back and forth Aemond had encouraged by dangling his whore in front of your face. 

Whatever it was, you were feeling so much more now than you had before. 

Or perhaps it was because you could see that Aemond was remorseful. He would never yet admit it but you knew from the way he had behaved since you had visited him in his bed. It was no act of redemption and definitely no apology but it was impossible to ignore the change in him. You had never seen Aemond the way you had seen him this morning. 

Vulnerable, gentle, tormented. 

A knock on your door had you sniffling and wiping away any tear stains that may have lingered on your cheeks. You had stopped crying for some time but the need to wallow and lament had stayed. When you called out to ask, the guard at your door notified you of the Dowager Queen’s presence. 

Oh, seven hells. 

There was really no chance you could refuse her so you merely let her in and called a servant to bring some refreshments. Queen Alicent sat herself down but remained tense, carefully watching you as you took a place beside her. 

“Have you been crying?” Her concern was comforting. “I believe I know why.”

You straightened, not meeting the eye of the woman who reached a tender hand to your knee. Hiding behind a forced smile, you let out a breathy laugh. “I am certain the entirety of the Red Keep knows, Your Grace.”

“It has been known for some time,” Alicent was gentle, her cautionary gaze telling you that she was apprehensive about bringing her son’s misadventures up. You held your breath. “Since the first time he had summoned that Alys woman-”

“Alys? Is that her name?”

“You do not know?” There was a tense silence. Alicent couldn’t meet your gaze, pity swimming across her features. Aemond was her son and there were many things that she had let her sons get away with but her heart pained at the broken quiver in your voice. 

Alicent had noticed the change in Aemond since the night that you had found him with Alys. The second time. He had never paid much attention to you aside from what appearances required yet Alicent knew her son far more than he would be willing to accept. She had known that there was something in his heart for you, no matter how small and no matter how it dwindled until set alight. 

Aemond had done the wrong thing. She had no doubts about that. Alicent would have words with him once she figured out what to say to him. But he was her son and there were certain misdoings that she knew she had to defend them through. To protect his marriage, his image and his happiness. The Queen Dowager cleared her throat and reached for your hand, eyebrows furrowing at the way you stared down at your lap, the anguish you felt in your heart written clearly across your face. 

“I understand that you are hurting, my dear. Although my husband remained faithful to me until his death and I cannot quite imagine the pain in your heart–I see how you have love for my son, even if you nor him have known it, I do understand,” Alicent took a breath, closing her eyes. “This is the way of men. And princes–”

“Please, Your Grace, I mean this with utmost respect for you but I do not wish to hear your excuses,” you whispered. There was a prickly, breathless worry that had settled in your gut. What did you not know? Was this Alys someone who mattered? “But I would like to know what you are withholding from me about this woman. I believe I deserve that at the very least.”

Alicent stared at you for a moment, examining you. She could drive her son further into the ground with what she was about to say. “Aemond had a paramour–at least it was rumoured, he never spoke of such things with me. Alys Rivers, a wetnurse and servant woman from Harrenhal.”

“A paramour?”

“It was before you were married,” Alicent was quick to clarify. “I had assumed that Aemond wanted nothing more to do with her when she left–at his order, I believe. Some say she was a witch. Perhaps she enchanted him.” 

You couldn’t look at her. She was more than just a whore? Had he lied to you right from the beginning? Bile rose up in your throat. There was a thrum in your ears, the sound of your own heartbeat and you feared that you would be sick from the drop in your gut. 

“Did he love her? Could he still?”

Alicent sucked in a breath. “I do not know, my child.”

All you could do was nod pathetically. Alicent was a woman of great strength and dedication; you had once wished to be much like her one day. But as you sat beside her now, you wished she had been a liar and a cheat and a meddling gossip. That you could find a way to fault her words but you could tell it caused her great difficulty to speak of Aemond’s actions honestly. 

Ever poised and elegant, Alicent only leaned forward to you, her posture straight as a needle and her touch soft as linen. “I did not mean to upset you further. I only meant to speak with you about returning to Courtly activities, with the other Ladies and Helaena has been asking for you. And the Ladies speak–”

“They speak terribly of me,” you scoffed, allowing a humourless laugh. “I understand, Your Grace. I will return to spending my days in company other than my own.”

Alicent hated to pry but she felt that she must, now that she had dealt her cards against Aemond’s fate. “Perhaps you should speak with Aemond. He cares for you deeply. It would be a shame for your union to fall apart over such misunderstandings.”

If not for formality, you would have rolled your eyes. Again, you simply nodded, your mind reeling back to the woman that Alicent had given a name to. You would ask Aemond about her. It would be the less damning option rather than turning to Aegon once more but the idea of speaking to Aemond about a woman he may once have loved still made you want to crawl underneath the sheets of your bed and disappear. 

You thought of the woman who you had seen through the crack in the door and wished you had taken extra care in looking at her. There was little you could recall other than the darkness and length of her hair, the paleness of her skin and the perfection in her curves as she pleasured Aemond and as he did the same for her. 

As if she was familiar with all the things that made him weak. All the things that made Aemond weak. How she had touched him like she was an expert in his body. And you thought of Aemond, bare and comfortable with her. Aemond with his sapphire glimmering under the lamplight instead of an eye, a rawness and trust that you had never seen of him until that night. 

He trusted her.

Alys Rivers. 

.....................................................

Tagging: @padfooteyes @thedyingwriter @mamawiggers1980 @queenofshinigamis @ewanmitchellfanatic @nurtargaryen

[scarfacemarston]

Cullen Rutherford Fluff Alphabet

Note: I sometimes say “you” because it’s shorter than typing inquisitor constantly. This is also Gender Neutral. Please think about reblogging or at least leaving a like! This sort of thing takes time to create. Feel free to request more Cullen!

A - Affection (how do they show affection to their s/o)

Cullen is new to love. Outside of his crush on Amell/Surana, he did not have any romantic feelings towards anyone. Love was terrifying but exhilarating at the same time. It was something entirely new and engaging and something that he would put his all into. He is very physically affectionate and primarily shows his love through embraces, kisses, and cuddling. However, he also allows the Inquisitor to vent or cry as much as they need to. He will also insist on shouldering whatever burdens they are struggling with, whether that's completing extra paperwork, scaring off those who want to bother them, or leaving behind little treats to cheer them up; he can do it all.

B - Best Friend (what are they like as a best friend?)

Cullen doesn't really consider himself to have many friends until Inquisition. In fact, the last time he had friends was Kinloch Hold before it went to hell. (However, this was only with his fellow templars.) Inquisition is when he meets Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine, and the rest of the crew. It took time for him to see them more than colleagues, but they found a devoted, loyal, encouraging friend in the former templar who continued on even when he was at his worst. As time passed, he began displaying a more relaxed side to him and joined in game nights and his time with people like Dorian. 

C - Cuddling (do they like to cuddle? And how would they do it?)

Oh, he loves to cuddle.  His family was very physically affectionate, but that quit once he joined the Templars. He didn't know how touch starved he was until he brushed hands with the Inquisitor and even more so when he held them for the first time. He hadn't allowed anyone near him since the fall of Kinloch Hold. Now, he can't sleep properly without holding the Inquisitor. Even if he can't sleep, his mind and body feel at peace in a way they never could before. 

D - Domestic (do they want to settle down? How good are they at cooking and cleaning)

His childhood dream was to be a templar. He never thought of any sort of domesticity. Templars rarely settled down. He never viewed himself as settling down during Inquisition, either, until he fell in love with the Inquisitor and only then did he dare to dream. After seeing what Mia has, he couldn't help but want the same. He wants a spouse, kids (or to be a busy uncle), and, of course, as many malbari as he can manage.

Cullen is not an amazing cook, but he's functional. Can he make basics like stew? Sure. Could he grill something? Sure. It's straightforward. Porridge isn't difficult either, but he's more likely to live off of rations. During Inquisition Inquisition, Cassandra made sure he ate at least twice a day. He is very tidy, but he has been known to be a disorganized type of organized, too.

E - Ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

We've actually seen this in the game! He tries to maintain an air of professionalism and keep it with a bit of distance. He will still try to maintain his professionalism if you break his heart, but the hurt might bleed out. He tries to use logic and put some distance between the two of you.  However, it also depends on the circumstances. He can be very gentle about it and very apologetic. 

F - Fiancé (how do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Again, Cullen didn't have any ideas of romantic commitment until they met the Inquisitor. We know he's incredibly devoted to the templars and the Inquisition, so he has no issue with commitment. However, once he fell in love, he fell in love hard. I don't think it took that long for him to start fantasizing about marriage, even if he was so sure it would never happen. Cullen would wait for the right moment, but it doesn't necessarily need to be planned, just that it feels right like we see in the game. 

G - Gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

We've seen that Cullen can be incredibly tender and gentle. He especially appreciates having the ability and the safety to do so, emotionally and physically. He isn't ashamed of showing his gentle side - he cares for you more than anyone or anything else - but that doesn't mean he won't glare someone like Jim down if he tries to interrupt. The more comfortable he gets with you, the more likely you will see him become even more gentle. He is far more soft-spoken and sometimes even delicate in the way he touches you. 

H: Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

His hugs are bone-crushing but one of the safest feelings in the world. Some of his hugs can be quite gentle and tender like he's afraid he'll hurt you, but usually, they are more solid, as if he wants to cement you there.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Cullen feels it quickly, but that doesn't mean he'll say it. When he falls, he falls hard. He doesn't mean to, it's only happened once before and went horribly wrong. He'll try to deny it to himself, also going through self-doubt, thinking he isn't good or deserving enough to have that happiness, but he will sometimes pine for the Inquisitor. Once the Inquisitor is in a relationship with him, he is anxious about when to reveal his feelings, but he will do so in a quiet moment, like cuddling together in bed. However, he'd much prefer his partner be the one to say it first. 

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

As alluded to before, he has a lot of self-doubt and self-loathing as he questions whether he deserves love after everything he has done. Early in the relationship, it would hurt, but he would tell himself that you are making the right decision…but that doesn't mean he'll give up entirely. As he becomes more secure in the relationship, he is more likely to get jealous despite that security because he knows what the two of you have built. He is more likely to step in verbally or give some light PDA.

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you?)

He kisses many ways, but they tend to be either tender or passionate. There's not quite an in-between. Expect a lot of stolen kisses, especially if the two of you have or are busy. He loves kissing on the hand, wrist, neck, and behind the ear, anywhere he can.

L: Little Ones (How are they with kids?)

Cullen feels very awkward around children. He's never disliked them, and he was a good brother to his siblings. Some of the younger templars looked up to him during training. However, after becoming a templar, he sort of "lost" his ability to relate to children. He's kind but stiff around them. Sometimes, he could briefly imagine having a child or two of his own, but that was always a fleeting thought. It wasn't until meeting the Inquisitor and reconnecting with Mia that he truly wondered about having a child. He wants it, whether through birth or adoption, but he would never force the Inquisitor into anything. 

M: Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)

Cullen gets up early. He usually has his armour polished and on, training completed, and reports from the night before reviewed by 7:00 am. He often forgets to eat breakfast or munches on rations or jerky. Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine, and now the Inquisitor all make sure he eats breakfast.

You're a "bad" influence in that he wants to sleep in or stay in bed and cuddle longer. His new time to complete his routine is a whopping…..8:00 am. Since leaving the Inquisition together, he sleeps a bit later but still prefers to wake up early. 

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

That man does not sleep. He just doesn't. It's like it's a foreign concept to him. However, it is not all workaholic tendencies. Sometimes, it's to avoid the nightmares he's had for well over a decade. Other times, the lyrium keeps him awake. Even when you pursue a romance with him, he struggles to stay in bed only because he can't shut his mind off, but a nice massage, cuddles, and or sex tends to quiet those thoughts. Otherwise, he's content watching over the Inquisitor.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Cullen is extremely private about himself. He reveals things incredibly slowly, but sometimes, his most personal moments come out at the most inopportune times when he doesn't have a choice but to reveal them, as seen with his lyrium addiction or his nightmares. These moments are incredibly frustrating to him, and he detests them when they happen. That's why, despite his discomfort, he is telling himself that he must be far more open and communicative so he has power over what to share, what not to share, and when to do so.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Believe it or not, Cullen can be irritable and angry. Most of it is the lrium, but he holds everything inside of him until eventually, it comes out whether he wants it to not. Usually, it's a whole series of events that cause him to eventually snap, but it is possible for something triggering to cause him to explode or shut down.

However, he is incredibly patient in most situations, but he is not perfect. He will not tolerate many things, as seen with some of the more annoying chantry members in DAI. 

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every detail in passing, or do they kind of forget? )

Cullen sometimes struggles with his memory due in part to the lyrium but more so because he has so much on his mind. However, he will make you a priority above all else. Unfortunately, he punishes himself if he forgets or gets something wrong. Overall, he commits everything he can to memory, and as his lyrium cravings subside, he is more clearly able to remember things. He wants to know everything you're willing to share, whether it's your birthday, favorite color, favorite food, best battle tactics, or favorite ways to turn you on.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It's a difficult memory for him, but the relief he felt when the Inquisitor revealed they still cared for him despite his lyrium addiction and his trauma. It's not the most romantic memory, but it is a meaningful one. More positively, he loves how he surprised you with that first kiss on the battlements… until Jim interrupted. The morning after he and the Inquisitor slept together was also dear to him. 

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

We know and have seen how protective Cullen is. He is ready to give up his life at a moment's notice if needed, especially if it's for the Inquisitor. He was willing to leave the Inquisition because he felt he was a liability to it and the inquisitor. He is incredibly selfless and self-sacrificing. He's also not afraid to voice his opinion in defense of his partner. As for him, he doesn't really expect anything in return. However, he already thinks you protect him by looking out for his well-being, whether it's the lyrium, his anxiety, eating, sleeping, etc. He also greatly appreciates it if you speak up in defense of him for whatever reason, but he never expects it.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, and gifts?)

After much worrying, he would fret about it and might turn to someone like Josephine for help or even Varric, Dorian, or Leliana. However, he is capable of giving gifts on his own, planning outings, as seen with the lake and giving his lucky coin to the Inquisitor. He definitely tries, but he's always worried he'll fuck it up somehow.

U: Ugly (What would be a bad habit of theirs?)

He does have a temper and when hurt, he can lash out. We've seen this when he threw his lyrium kit against the wall, nearly hitting the Inquisitor. However, he works very hard to keep control of it. His anxiety and self-doubt can also be a problem, but again, he tries to hide these feelings as best as he can.

As for an actual habit, his pacing and constant movement can be anxiety-inducing to some. His office has a pacing track on it. 

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He knows he's handsome. He sees the way people look at him and treat him. He's not stupid. We know he styles his hair, but I think PART of that is due to some insecurity about his curls. Other than that, he focuses on the upkeep of his armor, but that is habit and perfectionism. Besides his hair, he doesn't spend much time on his appearance.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He would convince himself that he would. He never expected you to return his feelings, but he knows he would be crushed if you ever left him. He would respect your decision but doubt that he'd ever feel whole again as he'd be unlikely to trust himself with another partner.

X: Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

Cullen secretly has a sweet tooth, but he doesn't want anyone to know that. Still, he wouldn't mind being given sticky buns or a pastry. (He's lying. He will devour them.)

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

We know he mumbles, tosses and turns, and has nightmares and insomnia. The poor guy has it all. However, he also sweats and overheats easily. This all improves as the lyrium addiction subsides. However, one thing that does not change is that he overheats easily…………………………….but still wants to cuddle. Once he has his arms around the Inquisitor, good luck getting up.

[planethibiscus]

Yandere daisuke headcanons? Sorry I got really hyperfixated on mouthwash

YANDERE DAISUKE

TWS: general obsessive behaviours.

Yandere Daisuke's song is SWEET TOOTH by CAVETOWN.

PERSONALITY

Daisuke is an obsessive, delusional and remorseful yandere. One that's absolutely smitten with being in love with you.

His obsession stems from a place of reverence. He sees you as this perfect person who is everything he didn't know he wanted. It's such a coincidence that he'd ever get to meet you out of the billions of other people in the world that it almost feels like fate is trying to throw him a bone. Maybe you're made for eachother, he hopes so.

But it's also influenced by insecurity. There's this sense of urgency behind every second of his life now that he's met you. He's stuck between the fear of getting rejected and the urge to lock you down before this trip ends and you walk back out of his life forever. He can't waste this amazing opportunity now that he's met you, so he overthinks every little microism and interaction he might have with you in a neurotic way.

Daisuke's delusions are connected to his fanatical mannerisms. You are his dream person, so you can do no wrong. You're incapable of any deliberate transgression and if somebody is upset at you then it's entirely their fault for misunderstanding. He's happy to play mind games. If he ever catches himself disagreeing with you then he'll try to convince himself that you're right. You could tell him that 2 + 4 is 10 and he'd spend hours trying to prove your equation for you on Swansea's whiteboard. You could kick him in the nuts and he'd still tell you it was hilarious whilst curled up on the floor and crying.

He's an absolute enabler. This means that if you want something he's the first one to comply. He's the definition of a yes man, he'll never say no because he's just lucky to even be invited along! He wants to show his support, and it definitely has nothing to do with how frightened he is that maybe you won't like him back if he ever has a different opinion. He's scared of coming across as a controlling guy because you won't be into that, right? He figures that his best shot of wooing you is to act just like you, because you're the coolest person he knows.

His remorse comes from struggling with his emotions. When he gets jealous it destroys him because being difficult and angry is the antithesis of his regular personality. He feels ashamed and scared of these new bad emotions, and knows on a deeper level that at least those ones aren't healthy. He's never felt so deeply for another person and it's beautiful, he's so grateful for it, but he's worried that he won't be able to keep it together and might hurt you in the process.

When he's really thinking about it, he's aware of how dependent he is on you. You make him feel so good, the best he's ever felt in his whole life. But then you also make him feel absolutely horrible when you aren't near or paying him enough attention. Sometimes he's scared that you won't be into a super sappy guy like him...

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

HANGING OUT

Daisuke is absolutely the type of guy to use the yawn and stretch method when he's sat next to you, except he's always too chicken to actually follow through. He wants to put his arm around you so badly, but he'll get to the pinical of his fake yawn and realise that he's much too scared to actually make a move on you. He'll try again and again and end up stuck like that, with his arms raised in the same spot and repeatedly side eyeing you until you wonder just how tired this guy is. Then after an embarrassingly long stretch he'll let them flop down again, dejected.

He really, really likes to match you. Whether it be the amount of steps you're taking to get to a place, the particular way that you swing your arms when you're walking, maybe the tempo of your breathing. You're more likely to notice how he picks the same food item as you whenever you're in the lounge, but if you ever ask about it he'll just laugh and insist that it's his favorite too! Unless it's not your favorite, then it's actually his second favorite, and your favorite is his favorite.

He also mimics your body language because he once saw online that parroting behaviour can make someone like you. He crosses his legs when you cross your legs, shifts in his seat and leans on his hands the way that you do too. He copies the things that you say and uses them like a kid who's just learnt how to swear.

Daisuke likes to see you having fun far too much to ever justify pulling you away from the group, but he will try to get alone time with you whenever he can. This leads to awkwardly meeting you in the hallways and coincidentally taking his breaks at the same time that you are. Sometimes you might see him peeking in through the window of whatever room that you're working in, and when he notices that you've caught him he'll try to act like he was just walking past. He'll duck his head back and then stiffly pass the door again just to try and sell it.

He's very performative for you. He's the type of guy to jump in front of whatever he perceives a threat to you. This could be a bug or someone twice his size. He will comically roll up his sleeves and try to crack his neck, maybe even uttering a dead serious "let me take care of this, babe." even if he won't win. Anything for your attention and a chance to display his devotion.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

LOVING YOU

Daisuke's love language is messy. He's a big fan of all of them, but if they were going to be put on a list then it'd probably go:

Acts of service.

Quality time.

Physical affection.

Words of affirmation.

Gift giving.

He enjoys physical touch a lot. He likes to always have a hand on you if you've given him the green light for physical contact. It helps with his separation anxiety. His hands can never be still even if they're on you though. He'll use your hand like a stress toy, squeezing and fidgeting with it, swinging it around, pulling and stretching out your fingers until you ball your fist up.

But of course just being around you means everything to him as well. That's why quality time is higher on the list.

Unfortunately on the Tulpar he doesn't have a lot of free time to spend with you. He counts down the hours on the clock until he can next see you, eager for the opportunity to say "I need to use the bathroom" to Swansea again so that he can wander the hallways and try to peep on whatever room you're working in.

Because of the free time issue and the fear of making you uncomfortable with unwanted physical touch, he finds that the best way to show his affections is through acts of service. He'll hold open doors by waving his arm through the sensor repeatedly even if you're at the opposite end of a hallway, he'll be the first to answer any question you ask like "what time is it?" and he'll make you a coffee when Swansea is waiting for his own, but it's going cold because Daisuke is searching the ship for you instead.

He's more comfortable giving compliments than receiving them because he's not used to being praised, but that's not to say he doesn't adore it if you do. Just don't expect him to know how to accept a compliment. He's going to hit every single one back at you with a "nooo, you're way better-" like you're playing a tennis match.

Gift giving is at the bottom, but only because he can't give you anything on the Tulpar. He'll try to sneak you pilfered packets of sweetener if you'll accept them, but if you don't want those then there's not much he can offer you. If you were on earth then he'd spend all of his allowance on pretty things for you. Snacks, trinkets and dates too if you'd go on one with him. He'd like to take you thrifting one day. He'd also like to marry you, but that's a little later down the line.

A/N: thank you for requesting! I've gotten a handful of yandere Daisuke requests so I wanted to post this fast and high quality. I'm a slow writer because I work a lot irl and when I have free time I'm often too tired to think, let alone write. I hope this was good. Lots of love <3

[signanothername]

Saw your animatic of NIGHTMARE HAS FALLEN, peak comedy right there

also, your art of Killer squshing Nightmare's cheeks was awesome, but also prompted my brain to question "How would Killer interact with Passive?"

On one hand, small child, like Chara, but wow this is really cute and innocent, why the fuck is it considered evil? On the other hand, if he knew it was Nightmare...actually, idk, Killer is pretty smart, so I'm not entirely sure how it would play out

Hahaha thank you!!

Ooooh i love this question

Ok so I feel like it depends on what circumstances they meet, but let’s go with “Killer never saw Passive before and it’s the very first time they meet”

I don’t think the fact Passive being a child would deter Killer at all, cause Passive differs greatly in temperament and character from Chara, I feel like Passive might actually reminds him of Frisk actually (and that on its own opens a whole pack of problems)

But the thing is, just as you said, Killer’s smart, I believe he’ll figure out it’s Nightmare pretty quickly, considering how observant Killer is and how Nightmare’s appearance gives it away

I mean, a child that is basically a copy paste of Dream only has the opposite colors, has a golden crown of his own with a crescent on it?? And is glued to his lil book? Yeah that’s definitely Nightmare, hell his lil belt has “NM” on it, like Killer would have to be an absolute idiot to not figure it out, with one look Killer would immediately know it’s Nightmare, it wouldn’t take any time at all

Now to talk about how they’d interact

Let’s imagine they’re in Dreamtale before it got destroyed

Important thing to think about first and foremost, is whether Dream would be present with Nightmare when they meet or not

For the sake of this ask we’re going to assume Dream has gone to visit the village, so it’s only Nightmare sitting with the tree by himself

I feel like it’s important to keep in mind that this isn’t a one way interaction, it’s not just Killer’s reaction to Nightmare, it’s also Nightmare’s reaction to Killer

Nightmare already has a bad experience with strangers, and Killer isn’t the most friendly looking, so i feel like their interaction is gonna go a bit poorly actually, cause Nightmare would assume this stranger is either A-here to hurt him, or B- here for the golden apples he’s guarding, both not good things

Killer on the other hand would honestly just be curious about Nightmare at first, cause it’s not every day you get to see the king of negativity and darkness, one of the most powerful beings, as a mere helpless and defenseless child, it’d definitely make Killer wonder how the hell was this tiny little creature entrusted to guard something that keeps emotional balance in the Multiverse (not that it truly matters to him, not when he can’t feel anything himself right?)

So Nightmare would be extremely wary and even a bit frightened of Killer while Killer would just stare through Nightmare for a few minutes, but here comes the interesting question…

At what timeline does their meeting occur?? Is it in which Killer is still under Nightmare’s command, or is it after Killer was saved by Color, cause depending on it i feel like Killer’s reaction can differ

If Killer was still under Nightmare, is he in a trigger happy mood or is he feeling chill enough to just not feel like killing anyone, would Killer take this as an opportunity to hurt Nightmare back, or would he not attack him at all? I feel like the latter’s more plausible, cause Killer is usually chill actually until triggered, pushed, or commanded to, plus if it’s Nightmare then he’s not very interested to attack him…. physically at least (tormenting the child mentally seems a bit fun, but he’d file that in his brain for later)

I can see Killer actually taking interest in the apples, I mean they’re literally the twins’ souls… in the future at least, and Nightmare would definitely be wary but REALLY surprised to know Killer isn’t just interested in the golden apples, but his own black apples too, cause no one ever liked his black apples, everyone thought they were evil so why would this stranger not think the same?

I feel like Nightmare while still extremely wary wouldn’t be able to stop the child wonder in his heart and warm feeling blossoming in his little chest at the idea someone actually being ok with the black apples, i can see him take one of his black apples to killer to offer him, i mean no one ever wants to be near his black apples so maybe he finally met a monster who would accept him and his apples?

And Killer is interested yes, but not for the reasons little Nightmare’s thinking about

So you’d better believe Killer would accept the offer, he actually gets to take a closer look at what’s supposed to be Nightmare’s soul in the future? Oh how fun tormenting future Nightmare and Dream would be when he understands how they work

I feel like the apple’s aura wouldn’t have much effect on him except for maybe his soul wavering a bit as it responds to the negativity it’s always been subjected to, a familiar conditioning if you will, and Nightmare would get curious enough to ask about why Killer seems unaffected, only for Killer to tell Nightmare that he can’t really feel anything, and Nightmare just not comprehending that fact, he’d insist that everyone has feelings, and that the balance of those positive and negative emotions is what the tree is for, Killer can’t just not feel anything, that everyone is affected by the apples’ aura, only for Killer to tell Nightmare that he’s a “special case” and would take a lot more than just aura to make him feel anything (cough like tentacles of pure agonizing negativity and the power of 999 black apples taking ahold of the very culmination of his being cough, i can imagine Killer smiling a creepy knowing smile as he looks at Nightmare, little Night doesn’t know what that look means, but he doesn’t like it, he feels like he’s missing so much context)

I can see Killer simply asking question after question about the apples to understand how they work, especially the black apples, and little Nightmare answering only some of them, because a child or not, Nightmare’s smart, he’s not to give info that could give this stranger an opportunity to do as he pleases to the apples, Killer absolutely notices Nightmare’s wariness and his very careful attitude, and Killer thinks Nightmare’s smart for it

Then again that’s the child that’s going to grow to become a tyrant so it’s to be expected that he’d be clever (it’s interesting to see how Nightmare used to be at least)

Killer would definitely try to find a way out after he’s gotten the info he needs (or as much as little Nightmare was willing to provide) and he holds no illusion that threatening little Nightmare would get him to talk, cause if he knows Nightmare well enough it’ll only do the opposite and little Nightmare will not provide anything more, and so it’s time to go cause he holds no deluded attachment to this place or little Nightmare

And I can see Nightmare actually asking Killer what his name is, after all they’ve been talking but they haven’t introduced themselves, that Nightmare has never seen him around here before, and I can see this to be the moment Killer takes the opportunity to be a bit of a bitch and say some bullshit about he’s actually from a different time and how his name indicates his job only to introduce himself as “Killer” and to immediately go “and you’re Nightmare, the king of negativity, tyrant lord of darkness and nightmares” (Killer’s ironically a lot like Corrupted Nightmare in finding joy in the mental anguish of people more so than physical anguish)

Nightmare doesn’t know what “Killer” is talking about, but it sends a shiver down his spine and he’s going to lie if he said he wasn’t terrified not only of the thought of a murderer from a different time knowing who he is, but of the implication of Killer’s comment about his possible future :)

[elicathebunny]

DON'T LET THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR SUCCESS.

STEPS TO DETACHMENT AND MOVING IN SILENCE.

Let them be who they are, let them stay where they are, let them think what they think. But remember this, what you are planning is something they could never achieve. Pull through in the new year and do the things you've put aside and neglected so that when you can reflect on what you've accomplished, you can tick off the majority. Embarrassment and shame are real, I understand that. I also go through moments where I'm haunted by the same "embarrassing" memory. But now is when we can both change, we can choose to let go of those daunting memories and live our lives to the fullest. We may have goals that the person next to us could laugh at, but imagine how good it would feel to be doubted at first and then proving them wrong later. Staying strong is difficult, especially if you have wavering faith in your beliefs and actions, and if that's the case, that's exactly what you are going to work on.

1) HAVING A BELIEF

Having a belief in something will help you in your confidence exponentially. Whether that is in God, having a strong self-concept or in the universe.

Having faith in something gives you a dependable foundation, offers guidance, and keeps you grounded. Having a belief will also replace the desire for validation from others around you since having that validation will conflict with said belief.

2) HAVING A PLAN

Having a plan will also help your confidence. When others doubt your aspirations, you will only doubt yourself if you feel like you can't achieve them. But if you have a plan, you have no reason to doubt yourself because you know what it will take to achieve your goals, you will know the steps to go through to make your dreams a reality. This will bring reassurance, which will result in boosted self-esteem.

3) DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONAL

Understand that not everyone will be fond of you, and it's impossible to win everyone over. ("A friend to all is a friend to none" - Aristotle.)

People will act out of jealousy when they see you better yourself, gradually surpassing them. Perhaps they're feeling jealous because you excel in something they don't, or they envy you for achieving what they couldn't. If you take this personally, it means they have succeeded in bringing you down to stay on their level or even below it. If people criticize you for pursuing your goals, take it as a sign that you're on the right track. As you achieve more success, more people may start hoping for your downfall. Beware of these types of people, some may even be the ones closest to you (monitoring spirits.)

4) DETACHING AND PERSERVERING THROUGH

Practice mindfulness to stay present and detach from overwhelming thoughts. Meditation can help you observe your thoughts without getting entangled in them. Allocate specific times each day for your worries to surface freely. This prevents them from dominating your entire day. For instance, during a bath, take the time to thoroughly reflect on the day, welcoming both negative and positive thoughts. Allow yourself to fully experience those moments. Once they've passed, release and journal the thoughts and feelings that came up.

Understand that you can't control everything. People will think what they want, and realising you can't control their thoughts is the first step to detaching. Release the grip on issues beyond your reach, and it'll free up your mind. Focus on what you can change, and you'll gain a lot of mental clarity.

Persevering is fueled by determination and desire. If you come out publically with your aspirations and back down, then it gives people more things to laugh at. Let them laugh until they become silenced by your achievements. Let that statement discipline you.

5) MOVING IN SILENCE

Moving in silence involves taking intentional actions without announcing them to the world. If you fear that others may sway you with their words or that you may back down easily, move in silence. Don't tell a soul about your plans and goals. The less people know, the less that can be used against you. Only tell those who you are certain will be your support system.

Set Clear Goals: Define your objectives clearly. Having a roadmap for yourself will guide your actions.

Stay Focused: Concentrate on your work and avoid unnecessary distractions. Maintain a laser focus on your goals.

Work Consistently: Take consistent, daily actions toward your goals. Small, regular efforts can lead to significant achievements over time.

Avoid Unnecessary Attention: Minimise sharing every detail of your journey on social media or with everyone. Keep some aspects private.

Build a Support System: Share your aspirations with a select few who genuinely support you. Their encouragement can be invaluable.

Let Success Speak: Instead of talking about your plans, let your achievements speak for themselves. People will notice your results.

Learn Quietly: Acquire new skills or knowledge discreetly. You don't always need to announce your learning process.

Embrace Patience: Moving in silence requires patience. Success often takes time, and it's okay if results aren't immediate.

Embody your potential.

[hallowpen]

There was a lot of destructive criticism surrounding My Marvellous Dream is You, but I actually thought the series was quite good despite its shortcomings. I'm a lot more forgiving than most when it comes to Thai GL series, and that will have absolutely affected my viewing experience. But... every time I would see a comment that just read "This is boring/terrible/stupid" without ever elaborating, I felt very much like Khun Pu's character from Be My Favorite hehe

*WARNING*: There will be minor spoilers for the final episode of My Marvellous Dream is You, should that be something you wish to avoid.

I will be the first to admit, that I was very skeptical about this series in the first handful of episodes. So let's just get my personal negatives out of the way first... I think, by now, it's no secret that I do not support where a lot of Thai GL adaptations source from. So, this series already had an admittedly disadvantaged subjective expectation from the get go. It wasn't really surprising to see pacing issues within the first 5ish episodes, that seems to be a common occurrence in Thai GLs produced by IDOLfactory. Whether that is a result of the novels the series have thus far been adapted from OR from a choice in direction is up to you. I, personally, think it's a bit of both. Where I believe certain productions struggle in letting their narratives breathe, I find the complete opposite problem to be true with IDOLfactory. There were a lot of plot points that needed restructuring or to be removed entirely in order to have a stronger cohesive story that focused on the main characters' relationship more so than it did.

Now, while I stand behind my opinion that the series could have benefited from tighter and better organized storytelling, a lot of the groundwork was there to make a decent character driven narrative. And that's what I've chosen to focus on. Wan and Kim are both deeply flawed characters. There were so many inferences to be drawn from character relevant visuals and their joint backstory that truly informed their current dynamic.

The👏🏾character👏🏾focused👏🏾visuals👏🏾in👏🏾this👏🏾show!!!

One of the most interesting parts of watching a series, for me, is having to pick up on certain character cues in order to understand and delve deeper into the core of their behaviors.

Wan and Kim share a trauma, and it's easy to see how they both became so dependent on one another to fill the void their fathers left.

In flashbacks, Wan is presented as egoistic and headstrong since high school. She is also shown to be extremely protective of Kim before she even realizes her feelings. Kim, on the other hand, is a bit more sensitive. She cherishes Wan's attention and affection to a point where she would be willing to play a little dirty in order to keep it for herself.

All of these emotions become heightened once they are forced into adult life with adult problems. Wan is struggling with her mental health. While trying to balance fame and the repercussions her actions might have on her career, Wan must also deal with her mother's alcoholism... which has essentially caused her to check out from Wan's life. Her need to have Kim by her side, and never leave her, has become less protective and more possessive. Kim's desire for approval and affection has led to an over devotion of herself to Wan and constant worrying about disappointing her mother. She's neglected her own wants and needs for so long, that she's afraid putting herself first would be considered too selfish...too much like her dad. Her mother's cancer diagnosis further pushes Kim to continue to place her mother's wishes over her own desires. Even though comments about Wan and Kim being 'annoying' or 'frustrating' were aiming to be negative... they weren't exactly wrong. The audience was supposed to feel that way. Heck, even the surrounding characters called out their behavior on more than one occasion. Because in an effort to not lose one another, Kim and Wan fell into a cyclically unhealthy dynamic where their actions and reactions were actually pushing each other away. Their inability to communicate their true feelings to each other beyond their (unbeknownst) shared dreams prevented them from making any true progress toward a romantic relationship that they both so desperately wanted, but were each terribly afraid to pursue. Their feelings for each other were put up against the reality that their love being unreciprocated could spell the end of their relationship altogether. There was an added pressure of being unfairly compared to their fathers, where any romance between them might be found 'unacceptable'. Couple that with societal views of same-sex relationships, and you can understand why these two were so hesitant to reveal their truths.

(Quick sidenote: I did not agree with the idea that what Kim and Wan did was exactly the same to what their fathers did. They did not leave and abandon their families. Marwin didn't make it easy for them, and given the glimpse we saw into his family's cruelty, it made all the sense in the world to have him react in the way he did. Kim and Wan were at least willing to stay and face the hard consequences of their choice, no matter the outcome.)

I think them having to work through all of their issues made the moment of Kim and Wan finally deciding to be together that much more satisfying... And that was the point Kru A was trying to make when he explained his direction for their relationship on social media after hearing viewer feedback (He was subsequently rudely criticized by interfans for that decision, to the point where he alluded to the fact that he might take a break from directing... but that's a whole other discussion).

That final scene of them being married purposely not clarifying whether it was in a dream or in reality alluded to the fact that their shared dream world and their real life were no longer at odds, finally. I thought it was very fitting.

The frustration caused by KimWan's lack of communication reminded me of a similar dynamic between Team and Win in Between Us, a series that suffered from a lot of the same problems (not enough focus on the two leads and irrelevant plot points). However, those characters and the actors that portrayed them didn't receive even half the amount of negative reactions. They existed, trust me, but there were a lot of positive reviews to balance it out. I'm not going to get into what that means, because I think you can make the inference for yourself.

All in all, I don't think this series deserves to be completely written off. Is it perfect? No... but an effort was made, and it wouldn't hurt to make the effort in return to understand the vision. Fay and May did an incredible job for their first go around as main leads. And I hope they get the chance to develop their craft further.

[tailsdollr]

hi everyone. This is a story I have been working on for a while. I begun working on all of this maybe a month or two ago. So here it all is.

◇ Details of Monochrome Ink ◇

Monochrome was created due to one of Ink's arms being separated from him. It grew into a separate, unstable entity. Since they were made from only an arm, their time is limited. They bleed due to their body collapsing slowly overtime.

Their design is based off from Ink's own desires and thoughts. His love of colors being obvious in how colorful their deisgn is. Which is ironic since Monochrome as the name implies has full color blindness.

Ink didn't have good first impressions of Monochrome. An extension of himself, someone to finally relate to, someone like them. They couldn't see colors, but they could feel. They were like them but weren't.

Ink didn't know how to react to this. He was never able to actually create life despite being an artist. Only creators could. And now he did. It was him but the mirror was warped.

Monochrome was created with no previous memories. No clue what the world is around him and can't see the world for all it's beauty. Despite this and his limited time, Monochrome had fun. He loved seeing all the AU's he got to see. Even if he didn't truly grasp the art behind it.

When his body finally collapses, he turns back into the ink that makes up Ink's body. And by definition, doesn't exist anymore.

If you have any thoughts or questions please share. :) I have more OC's and AU stuff to share. But this is one of the first I've done since I haven't really interacted with this fandom since 2016 ??

Ink has always been a special character to me. His entire existence depends on us creating and loving art. I wanted Monochrome to represent those who love and support art. As humans our time here is limited. Whatever we can create in our time is important.

To those who see our art and are inspired. Whatever it sparks in us. Whether it be our own concepts or just that we love the art. Art is a beautiful form of expression.

Undertale came from a place of love. For love for RPG's and art as whole. And I think all the AU's this fandom has created shows how much we love Ubdertale. We saw art, were inspired, and created something of our own.

Ink - Comyet

Error - CrayonQueen

Dream - Jukoblog

Monochrome- Me

[luvonmes-blog]

hey y’all… so ik i’ve disappeared for a while and dw i am gonna drop that stiles fic!! but i’ve re-entered my avatar phase and i have some head-cannons🤭🤭🤭

contains: all the Sully men, avatar!Jake, agedup!Neteyam, agedup!Lo’ak, smut, explicit descriptions of smut, me being horny for the Sully men😔 i have no shame

————————————————————————

Jake

i’m a firm believer that lo’ak and neteyam are so close in age BECAUSE jake was obviously a human right?? and before him and neytiri met she was just living the simple life and jake came along then BAM introduced her to new shit.

just imagine like you and jake are about to mate and since avatars mate for life he knows for a fact you’re a virgin and that just does something to him so he’s showing you new shit so he goes down on you and that opens the floodgates

his potty mouth definitely rubbed off on you

to me avatars low key look like cats (their noses!!) and act like them too and i feel like we’ve all agreed they purr but jake definitely takes that to a new level.

like he just lets himself go completely

like imagine he’s fucking you in missionary, head buried in your neck whispering all types of nasty shit you’ve never heard before (“fuck you’re so good for me” “so fuckin’ tight” “lettin me fuck you so good”) and he’s just purringg

vibrates through his whole body

we all know he whines but the first time he teaches you to ride him??? can’t help himself

like you’re trying your best, pace sporadic, movements jerky but you feel so good that it’s all he can do

holds onto your hips sucking on your boobs absolutely whining into your chest

first time he teaches you about giving head??

he can’t help but fuck your mouth

WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO??? you looked so cute staring up at him all wide eyed he couldn’t help himself

it’s ok though he made it up, fucked you so good you couldn’t even walk straight (no seriously mo’at was concerned)

i wanna be fucked by jake sully so bad😔

Neteyam

this boy right here??? soft dom all the way

he couldn’t hurt a fly how tf could he do that to his partner????

grunts, not a whiner like his daddy but he doesn’t moan either

grunts and groans

PRAISE!!!

whether he’s praising you or you praising him he loves it sm

growing up with a father who’s a dream walker he’s definitely heard some shit about jakes life before he was an avatar

once heard his dad talking about something called “head” upon further investigation (asking norm) he had taken this amazing and i mean AMAZING idea to you

took you guys a while to figure it out but once you do???

has never nutted so fast in his entire life

like i mean he barely had time to register he was cumming just long thick ropes being pushed down your throat

play with his balls??? he’s a goner. lick them, suck them and if you pull just a little bit he’ll yelp🤭

wanna get your way?

sit him down in your shared hut, rub his shoulders get him real comfortable then put his dick in your mouth

he’ll agree to anything (his hands buried in your hair pulling just a little bit “yes! yes i’ll do it- anything- just please, please keep going”)

wanna fuck him so bad it hurts💔

Lo’ak

LIKE FATHER LIKE MF SON!!!

a whiner, beggar, moaner all the er’s

he’s so loud too omfg

when i say beggar i mean BEGS

like his life fucking depends on it. he can’t help himself (“please jus- please! i’ll do anything, please, please, please” drool coming out his mouth)

moans. long drawn out ones too. especially when he’s cumming can’t help it he just feels so good

was definitely there when teyam heard about the whole head thing. took it back to you too and somehow you just caught on so fast

shakes when you give him head. i mean tremors through his whole body whining about how good it feels

favorite position is cowgirl why you may ask? TITTIES!!!

boob guy all the way he loves them sm so when you’re riding him he gets to suck on them. his eyes def roll back

cums too fast. poor baby can’t help it. it just happens and he tries to warn you he tries so hard (“baby slow down please. i’m gonna- you’re gonna make me- fuck!” whines all the way through it)

his tip is so sensitive. you don’t even have to suck him off completely suck on his tip and he’s a goner

his ears too!!! bite his ear just a little bit when you’re riding him and he’s bucking up into you trying so hard not to cum.

dw even if he finishes too fast he never leaves you hanging

he figured if you can go down on him he can go down on you ofc there’s some differences but he learned and he learned well

is lo’ak my favorite? yes. do i wanna fuck him so bad? also yes.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 151 thoughts

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 8

Aqua Hoshigan Status: Black

Kana enjoyers continue to eat good in this new arc, as 151 very clearly parallels what's considered one of the more iconic AquKana chapters from the first half of the manga with a bit of role reversal in the mix. 'Reversal' is sort of the keyword for this chapter for a handful of reasons but we'll get into that when it's relevant.

the usual shout out to mengo for Peak Faces this chapter. my faves were kana's blushy face as she takes off her glasses and aqua covering his blush with his baseball glove… it does NOT get cuter than that.

It's pretty cathartic to see Kana get a similar TV spotlight to BH!Ruby, where she's centered in B-Komachi's success and Ruby is sort of just in the background lol. That said… kinda of hate that OnK is continuing to frame the ShimaD shit!!! I have a lot of complicated feelings about it but I will say that overall, it's pretty fucked that the story made all those correct assertions about sexual harassment in the entertainment industry and how women and young girls specifically are pressured to kowtow to men to retain their place in the industry and then like… not? link any of this?? to what happened to Kana??? Weird and bad!!!!

on the plus side. megarima and maskua <3

It feels like a good step for Kana to confidently assert that they are, in fact, on a date and their shared visible embarrassment is pretty cute. This is what I meant when I said this chapter was a bit of a reversal of chapter 30, which Aqua even calls explicit attention to - running from school to play catch vs running to school. It works well, imo, as a sort of marker of both change and consistency for both of these characters, showing us how far they've come… but at the same time, how much has managed to stay the same. This return to the early AQKN dynamic is really nice… their moment to moment rapport is the one I enjoy most in the series so even though it's definitely jarring to whiplash back to it after the Movie Arc… idk!! I am still enjoying it all the same.

aqua calling her out on it being a baseball date was really funny btw

And their talk about dreams is… Very Shrimptresting. I keep waffling back and forth on what to take from it, because hypothetically I think it's really interesting but whether or not I really end up liking it is going to depend on how things are handled with Aqua going forward…! IDK, this is the obvious pitfall of analyzing the story like this week to week,

I guess all I'll say now is that this falls in line with how I was reading last chapter's framing of Gorou -> Aqua, where Aqua's inheritance of that identity is just that - an inheritance and it's up to him what he chooses to do with that legacy. He can decide for himself what parts of it he wants to take with him into the future and what he chooses to leave behind.

That said: this is still black hoshigan Aqua. Is this just a 'dream' because it's something he wants but doesn't think he'll be able to have? Or is Aqua starting to seriously consider a future for himself past the end of his revenge quest? It was Kana who prompted him for an answer, after all, and he's already had to make a promise to her that he won't 'disappear'. Is he just lying here to put her at ease? Much to consider…….

Kana's side of this conversation is also really interesting. Kana is a person who acts out of genuine love for her craft, yes, but she's also correct that she kind of already got her assumed end goal of 'be a nationally famous actress' when she was a kid and it didn't necessarily make her happy or fulfilled. To a degree, she's been operating on momentum and desperation to cling to the industry so much of her identity was formed around. But if a 'dream' is something she just wants for herself, without her career coming into it… then what does Kana really want?

And the answer, obviously, is Aqua. With another 'oshi no ko' title drop, to boot…!

It's a little sad that even as Kana makes this tentative confession to him, she still downplays herself in favour of Memcho and Ruby but the emotional stakes she's putting on the table are very loaded. This essentially, without either girl knowing it, puts her in direct competition with Ruby who very much seems to still want to milk her sensei's Little Aqua and I don't imagine that conflict is going to go off without fireworks.

Interestingly, though, this isn't the only point on which the two are opposed here: this is what I mean when I said this chapter's keyword was 'reversal'. While Ruby insists that 'Sensei' is her oshi, Kana offers to be Aqua's oshi. This isn't the first time it's happened, either - when Kana talks about her feelings last chapter, she describes them as 本気の恋 (honki no koi), i.e, seriously, earnestly, truly in love whereas Ruby's confession uses the term ガチ恋 (gachikoi), a slang term referring to a fan who considers themselves to be legitimately in romantic love with a celebrity/idol/etc - and specifically says she's gachikoi for Sensei. Gachikoi is also how the first generation of B-Komachi are described in both Viewpoint B and 45510 in the original Japanese text. On just about all fronts, these two are bound to clash going into the final arc of the story and I'm tentatively interested to see where it goes.

No break next week!

[dudedudesworld]

NSFW HEAD CANNONS (I tried to be gender neutral but it might sound like reader has a penis

A= Aftercare (what they’re like after the act): She is very caring. Holding you tight and doing nothing but singing praises of the night of passion shared between the two of you. She smothers you with kisses, her hands hovering and touching any part of your body they can reach.

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers) Elphelt tends to love everything about her body but if she had to pick something she really liked it would be her thighs. For her partner it would have to their eyes. She heard from a movie that a person's eyes could never lie, so if you simply gave her a gaze filled with love her heart would just explode and she would be left a blushing squealing mess.

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it) at first she was a little bit confused about what to do but now she doesn’t mind where it lands or what you would like her to do with it, just make sure it doesn’t get in her hair.

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory): Having her partner be more in control. This doesn’t mean she likes to be dominated in a sense but it's more because of how much trust she could have in her lover. Being able to just let go and have someone else care for her it's simply a dream come true for her.

E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing) her only sexual experience comes from bad smut books and porn. So expect her to do a lot of cringy things the first time, but it's nothing some research and teamwork can't fix.

F= Favorite position: the lotus position. Being able to be held while making love is something she very much treasures. She would be very open to anything you wanted.

G= Goofy (how serious are they) she's a perfect mix of goofy and loving. There's time where she falls over and brings you down with her but she’s simply too into it to really care and shrugs it off with a laugh.

H= Hair (grooming habits) she shaves regularly and even has her pubic hair in the shape of a heart.

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty) She's very romantic (obviously). There's no denying anything to do with the bedroom would be anything short of romantic. From a trail of roses leading towards the bed or romantic foreplay beforehand even in the heat of passion she's still a romantic at heart.

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often) She used to in her past time but with you around she doesn’t find a reason to.

K= Kink (kinks what they like, possibly unusual) She’s very open to trying new stuff but something new she’s taken a liking to would be anal. She wants to be loved in any way possible and this was just another way to love her.

L= Location (where they like to get it on) She likes to keep it in the bedroom. It's comfortable, nice and romantic. She likes to stay there and wake up by your side.

M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons) Having her partner be outwardly romantic towards her is her biggest turn on but to be honest she likes anything to do with her partner whether it's you simply being shirtless or saying something smart or witty. She loves you in your entirety.

N= No (turn offs or absolutely won’t do): Don't hurt her or be cruel towards her, not in general or the bedroom. Even if it's a role play her feelings can still be hurt and she's an emotional person so pushing the wrong buttons can and will make her cry, but she also knows her own worth and will put her foot down if you go too far.

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are) at first she wasn’t very good with giving oral, it took practice for her to get used to it but she finds the act itself to be very pleasurable and loves to see your facial expressions change as she works her magic. She does definitely love having you go down on her especially if you open up the night by going down on her.

P= Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed) depending on her mood and how horny she is she either lasts the entire night and leaves you both tired or gets off very quickly. Depends on how you handle her during foreplay

Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard) she prefers having longer sessions at night in the comfort of the bedroom but there are times when she simply can't hold herself away from you and wants to have some quick fun.

R= Risk (do they like to try new things) she likes testing her limits and trying new things out with you. But for the most part it would have to be you recommending the more spicy stuff as she would usually stay around vanilla.

S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts) she has a lot of stamina thanks to being a valentine but still finds herself tuckered out by the end of the session.

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers) She does start branching out and getting more interested in ways to spice up the bedroom life. She would totally wear a trench coat with sunglasses and a mask when entering a sex shop just to not get recognised only to be too flustered with everything in there and would just try to order online.

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves) She’s more mischievous than teasing, doing things to get you going but in a more cute way that ends up being just as effective.

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk) loud, everything from her moans to her whimpers sometimes she tries to be quiet but it's simply impossible for her. Do expect her to say romantic stuff such as a lots of small “I love you” being whispered in your ear.

W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort) She sometimes just jumps you. You could be sitting down on a chair reading a book and all of the sudden she's entered the room sitting on your lap making out with you like her life depends on it.

X= X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants) vagina

Y= Yearning (sexdrive level) High. She wants to be with you constantly and sex is just another way of deepening your love that she enjoys.

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after) she falls asleep after the act but usually while holding you mumbling something along the lines of “I love you”

[psychology-department]

trans protagonist theory and ayin lobcorp- a small character analysis

(lobcorp spoilers + slight ruina/leviathan spoilers under the cut)

A couple nights ago, I saw this tumblr post by @/somekindofsentience which coined a term called trans [protagonist] theory, regarding the changing of narrative roles of main characters. It comes in two flavors, PtA, and its inverse, AtP.

PtA (protag to antag) can happen in several ways, one of which is to discover something about yourself that likens you to evil, or starting with a goal and just getting more and more unreasonable with it. knowing that what they are doing can be considered "evil" or morally reprehensible in their universe.

PtA is a trope often not done well because they're usually just protags painted to be sympathetic and/or naive antiheroes/antags. Occasionally, following them on their goals, and feeling what they feel downplays villainous traits, can't say i'm not guilty of writing that, bc i am an author, and authors are imperfect.

AtP (antag to protag) also usually involves a change in mindset and understanding of self to railroad them into different perspectives, and sometimes go hand in hand in replacing each other's role they 'transitioned from' (or not depending on narrative).

Ayin and PtA

In Greek tales, the hero is tragic, with a flaw that ends up costing everything, driving them to become an antagonist in their stories. It usually serves as a moral lesson in how one trait considered “villainous” can end up causing destruction and death on a large scale. The morally gray nature of humanity can cause debate on what's “good” or “evil,” or whether or not one leads to another, blurs, or overlaps.

The story of A’s ideals goes from being shown as just wanting to continue a shared ideal to day 48, where it is revealed that for this entire time, he was only doing it for the sake of making it up to Carmen, and Carmen only.

Ayin can be said to be an example of a greek tragic hero. He is too stubborn and dedicated to his goal, he didn’t stop to look back on all the death and destruction caused by him following Carmen’s dream in his way, and though he (briefly) considered these consequences, he still continued to trudge on in spite of these traits made to be flaws. He knew, even by a little, that what he was about to do was going to make him seem bad, but went on.

His viewpoint of the world and himself did not change after everything, but stayed the same (sacrifices are necessary), and it’s not because it stayed the same that was most of the problem. it was his actions.

His actions, which at first seem like just accidental neglect, add up to a list of infractions of letting those he cared about the most along with many innocent lives die, injured, or neglected. It is the journey that he takes which makes his reasoning more and more unreasonable to the viewer, the more you go into the game.

The reason why Ayin is such a good PtA (assuming you played the games in order) is not only because you get to sympathize with what he did, Project Moon also made sure that his morally reprehensible traits aren't downplayed, with Angela's narrative in LoR. It avoids the naive protagonist trope, while also being somewhat sympathetic.

Ayin and AtP

One thing I did not mention about AtP earlier is that characters could also be their own antagonist to protagonist, seeking to atone for their previous actions. Ayin feels extremely guilty over the things that he did, and wants to free himself from the guilt after all is done.

…and so, as The Manager, he does. He manages the Sefirot and helps them calm down from their suppressions, making both parties learn lessons from each other and slowly but steadily changing his role in the story to be more aligned with the protagonist.

I believe that throughout the loops, he slowly changes from just wanting to make it up to carmen, to making it up to others, even if those attempts were not successful. (such as with Angela, which he had forgotten about. I believe there’s no do-over for things like that.)

Even in the light, he continues to try and help the people realize and (indiscriminately) continue their goals without giving into despair with EGO, still trying to make things up to others. He apologizes to Angela up there, too.

His goals are still the same (SoL), but his understanding of everything changes, which leads him down the AtP pipeline of trying to learn his lessons through the Sefirot learning theirs, and to do better. If given enough time for character development, who knows what else he would have done to further this path of redemption.

Ayin, the antagonist, perpetuates a cycle of suffering of death, neglect and suffering. By playing Lobcorp, Ayin tries to that very cycle that he put everyone and himself through with his own hands. He is the start of the conflict, but also the end of the conflict. He is a PtA, but also an AtP, even if his attempts at redemption are only partially successful. This complexity is, in my opinion, what makes him such a well-written character.

[satubby]

Hello! How are you? I love your account you earned one more followers! I wanted to make a request if it is not too much to ask. Can you be sfw and nsfw headcanons (in a romantic relationship) with Makima in the male version of her? please! I really would like you to attend to my request and I hope you have a good day.

[Note: Am I dreaming? Why if that's the case... don't wake me up, AHHHH!!!! ♡♡♡ Thanks for asking, I rarely (ever) get this and I'm grateful. I hope you like what I wrote because I was lazy to finish the drawing that I had originally planned. I leave you a chibi that I did in the genshin impact style LMAO]

Well it depends on where you are in your relationship. Unlike Makima, Makime is more openly seductive and is not afraid to use his charm, he is very self-centered about it.

Since I'm based on my fanfic, Makime is your boss in the fourth section of public security and you usually see him but try to stay out of it while hanging out with the boys.

Since you asked for headcanons, I'll go two ways, first I'll do the SFW and then the NSFW because I want to dedicate more time to that one since I suck writing intimate acts.

Tokens of appreciation:

Makime would show her appreciation in a peculiar and somewhat twisted way at worst. He could offer eloquent compliments and sweet flattery, but always with a hidden agenda. His words may be framed in lies and manipulations, it is likely that he seeks to obtain something in return, for example... Your entire disposition and love for him.

If you are at the beginning of the relationship, he would seek to attract you with simple gifts that you would not expect from him, for example: Roses, money or bonuses from your salary. Well, he knows you don't trust him.

If you are already more confident, he could show his appreciation through such simple acts as leaving you with less workload or pairing you up with him so you don't endanger yourself on more important missions [Which is more of an excuse to keep an eye on you and silently study you in case that he still did not declare his love openly]. He would be constantly watching over you, making sure you were safe and removing any perceived threats [Whether he was actually dangerous to you or just out of jealousy].

Makime might offer quirky and unique gifts that reflect her knowledge of your likes and interests. However, these gifts could be more manipulative than genuine intent. Sometimes just looking for a reaction from you, whether positive or not, he just wants you to pay attention.

You are really confused by their actions, sometimes you feel compelled to accept their gifts, good or bad.

Romance type:

The romance with Makime would be an emotional roller coaster. Spending time with him could be exciting and exciting, but also dangerous and exhausting. His cunning and manipulative personality would create an intense dynamic, full of mind games at the worst. Well, since I'm basing myself on the events of my Fanfic: A peach between apples, you constantly doubt the intentions of the red-haired demon since you know its nature from its original version, Makima.

Makime would seek to maintain absolute control in the relationship, although he would secretly like to have sweet moments without forcing you to participate in them, but it will only happen when he is sure that you will not let him. He can be possessive and jealous, showing his darker side if he feels you are slipping out of his control or if you have been a brat to him.

The romance with Makime, as I said, is quite nuanced and since he doesn't know the feeling of human-style love, he grew up in isolation [I guess?] He could make you feel uncomfortable without meaning to but he's still a son of a bitch, so he doesn't care about your reactions a lot, he just wants to see you nervous and/or any other emotion, you're interesting.

He would always be hiding parts of himself and revealing little clues as the relationship progresses or that he already has the certainty that you will not betray him, that you will be his completely. These secrets and gradual revelations could lead to a complicated and ambiguous emotional connection since you don't fully understand their actions.

At times Makime can be cold and insensitive to your feelings, but when he's jealous or vulnerable, he drops his cunning and prideful facade, to be twistedly soft on you. Their gifts in these cases would be more intimate, giving you things that they know you like. In his strange and sadistic way, he gives you someone's heart or kills in front of you, which leaves you quite traumatized because it is not pretty to see someone literally explode or see how their insides turn inside out (that is, the skin and organs come out of the inside ). These cases only occur when he is in a bad mood or wants to punish you.

Types of names and nicknames that Makime uses with you:

Makime's nicknames towards you influence his impressions, at the beginning of meeting you she would call you little employee or lamb, because in his eyes you look like a nervous lamb in front of its predator.

As they are already closer or in a relationship that is not [clearly if] forced, he would call you: Little doll, little rabbit or puppy.

In cases where he is in a bad mood, he usually uses demeaning names like: Pet, my prize, Dumb human or needy bitch [but these last names are more in the NSFW context].

Particularly when he is feeling most intimate and vulnerable, he often calls you my treasure, love (if not very creative) angel or princess.

You walked the streets of Tokyo, checking your makeup and everything. Makime had summoned you for something, with the control demon you never knew what he would do next or even his intentions towards you. You saw makime sitting down having a coffee, you approached him by sitting on it and adjusting the wrinkles in your clothes.

"Makime-san.... Did you need me for something? Normally I don't expect you to invite me to these types of places without it being for celebration or work reasons, your invitation and interest in me really surprises me" You said something nervous but trying to hide your discomfort or worst case scenario, those many doubts that run in your mind about this situation.

Makime looked at his glass of espresso as if it were interesting, only making you more uncomfortable at his non-response. Then he smiled widely and looked at you, what you didn't know is that this was just an excuse to spend time with you. He could practically see you anywhere and yet he preferred moments like these even if they weren't (if they are) forced. But he just wants alone time without those jerks following you around like roaches attached to food.

The redhead comes out of his thoughts about Aki, Powa and Denji turning to you again looking at you with an amused and calm smile while those piercing golden eyes follow your movements from head to toe, scrutinizing you.

"Sure... *Sigh*, you're kind of right, I invited you for a coffee, there's no problem with that... so just relax and don't try to see the devil's horn in everything, okay?" Here a sip of his coffee, while he smiles, that fucking smile that just gets on your nerves, you notice that he gives you an aura of great power when he sits near you, you start to wonder if there is something else he wants.

You don't want to be by his side, you hate even looking at him because you feel constantly violated and exposed, you hate the feeling and the bastard knows it, he enjoys getting nervous like you can't imagine.

"Makime-san, if you only called me for this I see no point in staying..." You were getting hysterical, you wanted to hit him even if it meant getting killed in the process, you still got up bowing and starting to leave. Yeah If you stayed longer, you wouldn't know whether to hit them out of irritation or the simple fact of wasting your time. Damn, you never understood their actions and that frustrates you, it's like a game of egos between tug and pull.

It wasn't until hands bigger than your arm grabbed you tightly, giving you a sharp twist, making you collide with the redhead's chest. Your face pressed against his chest, feeling the beating of his heart, although thinking about it more thoroughly you didn't know if it was just the sound he imitated to avoid raising suspicions. The breath on the helix¹ of your ear as you inevitably turned red. Instinctively you wanted to push him but he held you tighter in his arms as he whispered your name loving that blush coming from you.

You see him with a calm look, not knowing that you are telling him what he wants to hear: Those beats in your chest indicating that he was the cause of these... No one else and that puts him in a better mood.

With calm eyes, he looks at your lips and back into your eyes, he comes a little closer to you, caresses your cheek tenderly and looks at you with a more intense look. This only makes the knot in your stomach that has been building up for these few minutes increase and become more tangled like the spaghetti you ate yesterday for dinner.

"I just want to see you by my side. Isn't that enough for you?" He says with a sweet and seductive voice, he smiles a little at you, but his golden eyes look at you intensely with mixed emotions. You know that everything has an intention behind it and you don't want to give in to his whims.... But God!!, how you wanted to keep looking and admit that despite being a son of a bitch and a cunning manipulator, he's damn attractive.

You continued to stare at Makime, trying to figure out his true intentions. You felt a mixture of tension and longing inside of you, fighting against your own contradictory feelings. His closeness and his caresses disturbed you, but at the same time they attracted you in a way that you could not help.

"I don't know if that's enough for me," you replied with a shaky voice, trying to keep your guard up. "There are still many things I don't understand about you, Makime-san. I can't just get carried away by your sweet words and gestures. I don't trust you completely and we barely speak to each other."

He looks at you with a 'kind' smile on his lips and sees that his eyes become duller than usual, you avoid looking at them any longer with an insecure look, he knows you're nervous but you don't let him see everything.

"Trust takes time, you will give it to me sooner or later, you will have no other choice"

His gaze only pierces yours and his eyes remain that hypnotic golden color with those rings in them, hypnotizing you and he begins to caress your thigh with his hand.

Then as if something bewitched both of them, their lips slowly approached and he kisses your lips, nibbles your tongue and lips. Loving every inch of your mouth, your mind at this point is blurry and so you let yourself go.

[Sorry if I don't put the NSFW content yet, but I need to write that part properly and since I have a knot in my head, I need to organize myself with my creative ideas. I hope you liked it and I'm sorry if there are mistakes in the pronouns, my understanding of English is the same as a 3 year old :P]

[monstrousgourmandizingcats]

15 questions for 15 friends! got tagged by @staghunters.

Are you named after anyone?

First name just because my mom liked it, middle name after my uncle, being-weird-about-gender name after my great-grandmother.

When was the last time you cried?

Earlier today. Money headaches.

Do you have kids?

I have a godson who just turned four. Some day I hope to have kids of my own as well!

What sports do you play/have played?

As a kid, baseball and very briefly soccer. I tried to get into fencing in college but my knees were already too fucked-up by then.

Do you use sarcasm?

Yes, more than I would like.

What's the first thing you notice about a person?

I am not proud of this at all, but it registers pretty immediately whether or not I think they're physically attractive.

What's your eye color?

Green!

Scary movies or happy endings?

I've never understood people who have firm preferences for "tone" in this way. Doesn't it depend on the story?

Where were you born?

Western Massachusetts born and bred, although I spent my childhood first in Vermont and later in New Jersey.

Any talents?

This is too vague to answer, but, like @staghunters, I too am pretty good at carrying maps and routes in my head.

Do you have any pets?

Two cats!

How tall are you?

1.92m/6'3".

Favorite subject at school?

English and woodshop. I've often said that if my interests had developed in a slightly different direction around the age of fourteen or fifteen I probably would have gone a very different life path and being doing some sort of skilled craftsmanship now.

Dream job?

Something in the gallery/library/archive/museum field, partly but not entirely remote, without too many early mornings.

Tagging @eucatastrophicblues @clarascuro @wedding-shemp @marzipanandminutiae @itsallwearecalledtodo

@mayasaura @carys-the-ninth @thatlowdoorinthewall @abigail-pent @maryblackwood

@sapphicscience @lilaccatholic @roseupfromthdead @sagebrushed @itsmybarricade, but don't feel obliged to answer if you don't want to!

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Okay so I read @musette22 post about evanstan kisses, but I am not feeling wholesome today. I’m dirty minded and that made me wonder. What would be their favorite sexual actions to give and to receive?

I feel like Sebastian loves to suck Chris’s cock. Y’know with the oral fixation. And well who is Chris to say no to Sebastian and not get his dick wet.

Chris is a very handsy person. He loves to touch and make his loved ones happy, so that means fingering Seb till he’s all fucked out.

Anyways now i feel like i’m starting to answer my own question. So byee buyye!

related to this

Maybe I'm insane but I could've sworn I've written something on this exact topic and/or I've seen something in the same vein from one of the writers I follow here on Tumblr... but I can't find it. So. I guess I'm just insane. Whatever, lol. 🤷🏻‍♂️

(If anyone knows what I'm talking about, please link me! Lmao)

Chris

Giving

Not to be cliché but I like to imagine that Chris likes to give and give and give.

Simply, anything that will leave Sebastian hazy and feeling floaty is his favorite.

Whatever gets Seb off, Chris is gonna go for that. Absolutely. He's a lover and he loves doing whatever will leave his partner wobbly and well-fucked (even if their favorite isn't being fucked necessarily).

Baby feels big, and truthfully, nothing makes him feel better than being able to give Sebastian pleasure. Seeing Sebastian slowly turn to mush, coming apart at the seams, until he's flushed, breathing hard, and weak, unable to do anything but lie there and soak in the feelings, whether it's post-orgasm, drained in the best way, or pre-orgasm, succumbing to the denial... that's better than anything.

Sometimes, when Chris gets Sebastian like that, he doesn't need anything else. He could survive off of it. Just this. Gleaning his satisfaction off of the pleased sighs and overwhelmed gasps of Seb--the open, quiet satisfaction pouring off of Seb. He's an open book and so reactive. It's unbelievable.

Depending on Sebastian's mood, though, the thing that might get him there--the thing that Chris might most want to give him--changes. Sometimes, it's being face-fucked, eyes rolling back; sometimes, it's being rimmed until he cries; sometimes, it's being fingered until he can't help but cum all over himself, making a mess; sometimes, it's being restrained heavily until he can't move, and can't think about anything but obeying Chris; sometimes, it's just being told how good he is, how pretty, and how well-behaved, causing him to glow from the inside out, shivering with the immensity of his arousal.

But, deep down, if he had to pick, I think Chris' favorite favorite to give is when Sebastian is feeling especially needy and sensitive, and he gets so wrapped up in being touched that they never get past making out. So, all Chris has to do is touch him and praise him. Low effort with high reward.

The best.

There's just something so intoxicating about Sebastian in his arms, in his lap, barley holding himself up, barely strong enough to cling to him, as Chris frames his face with his hands, kissing him bruisingly. Demandingly. That mouth. Before he runs entirely out of air and expires from the fire burning through him, Chris breathlessly rumbles about how pretty he is. Right against his wet-dream mouth.

Pretty all the time.

Sebastian whimpers.

But so, so pretty especially when he's blushing pink and shying away from compliments even though he wants them to keep coming. Drowning in the barrage of them. Needing them. Each compliment, each bit of praise, winds him tighter and tighter until he's squirming, and his eyes are too dark and heavily lidded to see any slate blue. Attention that leaves him dripping.

It's beautiful.

He's beautiful.

Chris wants him like crazy when he's like that. His sweet Seb. Eyes dark. Gaze averted. Shy. Mouth parted. Face, neck, and chest pink. And putting out this desperate, squirmy energy.

He is please personified in that moment.

Begging.

Yet, Chris just keeps petting him and keeps talking. For as long as he himself can stand it. He knows Seb will follow his lead, wherever he wants him to go. But, he'll wear Seb down to a helpless puddle in no time at all. Again, it's low effort. Seb takes to being touched, being praised so easily. Wearing him down and down until the only thing Seb can seem to do is primally grind into him, against his stomach, pitifully choking on pleas but calming instantly as Chris hushes him, telling him to keep being good. Keep taking it, he knows he can. He never needs to beg, as lovely as he sounds as he begs.

Spoiler, Sebastian's also always good. Even when be begs.

Good for Chris.

Soft and sweet under his hands... warm and wet when Chris presses his fingers into his slack mouth; reactive and gasping when Chris draws down his chest and tweaks his hard nipples; twitchy and cute and fucking obscene when Chris wraps his fist around his cock. He's everything.

Stripped down to his bare needs, erotically sucking at his fingers, whimpering around them, and dreamily hanging onto his every word. Every true bit of praise Chris can think of.

Pretty.

Smart.

Good.

Sweet.

Talented.

Perfect.

Most of the words don't make it into Sebastian's head, Chris knows, but it doesn't matter. It just means he'll get to do this again. He'll get to melt Seb down again and hold him and stroke him and talk to him and make him lose control entirely. Completely overwhelming him.

And the part that really pushes Chris over the edge, making him enjoy giving this to Sebastian the most, is the way he breaks when he cums.

When Chris is finally ready to let him go--all he's got to say is the word, give him the okay, his Seb is so obedient--and he shatters. Chris can pull him back by the hair if he wants to stare at that pretty fucking face as he orgasms, lips open and trembling, and he'll follow, but if he doesn't pull, sebastian curls in, moaning, "ah, ah, ahhh," raggedly as he trembles through the pleasure, hot mouth sizzling against his neck and shoulder, burrowing in deep, fingernails digging into any part of Chris he can reach, he needs strength, and then fully, fully succumbing to the glittering fog. Limp. Chris could move him however he wants. Do anything to him that he wants.

Fuck.

Sometimes, Chris just looks at him. Suspended in--lost in subspace. Gorgeous. A living, breathing statue.

And every time Sebastian cums just from his voice and his hands, laid in his lap, reveling in sweet words for a sweet boy, Chris gets something huge and powerful and shiver-inducing in his chest. Sebastian let's him do this. Sebastian trusts him to work him up, break him, and bring him back.

God.

There's nothing hotter than that.

Receiving

To continue my theme from above, this also depends...

If Chris is feeling particularly in need of control, deep in his dominant streak--wanting to push, shove, and take--then he's partial to having Sebastian's mouth on him. Good ol', dirty fucking is good, too--it also sure fucking works to scratch that itch by throwing Seb around a little, thrusting into him like he wants to break him, the kind of fucking that fucks moans out of Sebastian weather or not he wants to let them out. Ah! Ah! AH! Hoarse, rough sounds that are punched out. They almost sound painful. But...

Sebastian's mouth.

A fuckin' fool would be the only person to turn that down.

Chris likes to think he's not a fool.

The sound of Sebastian gurgling, choking, and moaning on his dick is what makes the more intense dom in him growl. It's what he craves.

Sebastian is eager when on the cusp of being fucked, of course, he loves being fucked, that's natural, but Seb is a special kind of sub, too--a sub that revels in having his mouth used. And Chris has to exploit that. His Seb is talented. He doesn't plan to waste it.

So, he, too, revels in taking Seb's throat. Fucking it. The feeling. The noises. The obscene look painted over Sebastian's face. Getting pleasure from being used. Getting pleasure from giving pleasure. From serving.

Chris doesn't like to think he's selfish, but there is something about having an eager boy willing to serve him. To give himself over to Chris entirely. To kneel and open and be exposed and vulnerable and beautiful. All for him.

Fucking his mouth only gets hotter and hotter and hotter the more Chris pulls at Seb's hair, eyes rolling to the back of his head, then fluttering shut, the deeper Chris gets into Seb's throat until his nose is smushed up against his lower stomach, and the more Chris makes Seb cry and moan on his cock, sloppy with it.

They both enjoy the fuck out of it. Chris controlling the pace, controlling Sebastian; Sebastian in rapture at being controlled.

But--

If Chris' not feeling the itch to have Seb melt underneath the wave of submission, being totally used and giving up control to Chris, Chris is so fucking here for being ridden.

Again, Chris is handsy. Chris is an ass man, too. Both of those together means he gets the fuck off on having Seb bounce on his cock--taking it like a goddamn champ while moaning for it like a fucking slut.

Yes.

When being ridden--lounging back like a king and (mostly) letting Seb take what he wants--Chris is greedy. Grabbing with his fingers biting into Sebastian's hips and ass, hoping to leave bruises behind. Growling while he does it.

His grip is preventing Seb from moving for now, holding him down, his dick entirely inside him. Swallowed up. Enjoying it for a moment, Chris grinds up, punching breathy sounds out of Seb as he digs deep into his willing body. Chris carves space for himself in Seb. Then, he slaps his ass. Startling his baby into keeping going, bouncing, rolling, riding, and leaving Seb's head spinning.

They're both spinning.

Spinning and spitting fire.

Sparking.

All the while, as Chris grabs and hits and lets himself roll around in this pleasure, his mouth is running. When he doesn't have to pant and heave and keep going at Sebastian, fucking him, he uses all his breath to tease, to taunt, to talk. Driving Seb up the fucking wall. Chris' voice always undoes him. He doesn't even have to be saying something fucking sexy. He doesn't even have to be turned on. He just has to talk. Rough. Deep. Accented. Masculine. Getting under Sebastian's skin and leaving him breathless.

Greedy; grabbing, slapping, mouthing off.

Having Sebastian on top is so fucking good.

And when Seb is on him, riding him, pornographic, Chris might further intervein, too...

Seb first slides on and Chris might fist the base of the cock, preventing Seb from taking the entire thing tip-to-base until he begs pretty enough to earn the whole thing. Begs or whines.

Whimpering and fixing him with those big, hungry eyes will get Sebastian everywhere.

Or, once he's been at it for a while, getting his body good and relaxed around his dick, Chris might circle that hard working rim, stretched around his thickness, and slip his thumb in alongside with his cock. Maybe both thumbs. Enjoying how Sebastian shivers and shakes and gets stunned by the fullness. Delighting filthily in how he can feel his own hard cock and Sebastian's hot, velvet walls at once.

Jesus Christ. That's a slice of heaven he doesn't deserve to feel. That's a reaction he doesn't deserve to lay eyes on--head thrown back, mouth gaped open, eyes shut, body coiled tight but quivers, and on and on.

He's gorgeous.

There's so much good about having Sebastian on top, riding him. So much. Like how easy it is to guide his hips back once Chris has orgasmed, cum now dripping out of him, filthy, and guide him to sit on Chris' face so he can give his poor, overworked hole some loving. Messy, open-mouthed kisses. And Chris never holds it against Sebastain when he cums quick on his tongue. Come on, how could he? Chris doesn't hold back, he goes in, fucking his hole with his tongue, cleaning up his mess until Sebastian collapses on top of him, making his own mess. By then, more than Seb's thighs are worn out. He's entirely worn out and unwilling to move until he's had at least fifteen minutes to reassemble his brain and get his limbs working again. Chris doesn't mind. It's cute.

Beginning to end, Sebastian riding him is one of Chris' favorites.

Sebastian

Giving

I feel like it goes without saying, based on the way the fandom writes and the general concensus about the beauty of Sebastian's mouth, but I certainly think one of Sebastian's favorite things to do to Chris is blow him.

Sucking cock is just 🤌🏻good🤌🏻

The feeling of Chris' cock--heavy on his tongue, thick in his mouth, causing his jaw to start aching with the fat tip of his dick reaching deep into his throat, stretching him open. The taste of him, his pre-cum, cum, and just him. The smell. Masculine and deep and dark. Seb could roll around it in. Instinctual. And, fuck, the way Chris reacts to getting Sebastian between his legs... he's so weak for Seb's mouth, thrusting, fucking, taking, growling, praising, orgasming easy. Criminally easy, almost embarrassingly easy, at the start of their relationship as a result of Sebastian's experience and talent. All of it is intoxicating.

Sebastian could spend hours, days, weeks, mouths worshipping Chris with his mouth. Chris deserves to feel good. He deserves to fuck into Sebastian as deep as he wants. Cum as many times as he wants. He deserves to feel the hot squeeze of his throat around him, swallowing around his length. He deserves to feel wet and sloppy in Sebastian's mouth. He deserves to feel good. Seb wants to make him feel good. Give him everything.

The added sensations, visuals, and sounds are simply a bonus of giving it all up to Chris--a bonus of giving him what he deserves. Good things.

Teasingly, Chris' best angle might be the blow job angle. He looks so damn imposing and powerful, staring down at him over the handsome line of his nose, eyes dark with desire. Big and broad everywhere. Body coiled tightly with pleasure. Waiting to snap. Also, the thick, strong shape of Chris' thighs is always present in his peripheral vision when he's blowing him. Caging him in. Making him feel small. And made to feel even smaller when he loses his finesse as he reaches the edge and hammers down. Even Sebastian can't not choke then. He likes it, though. He likes the fire burning in Chris' eyes, the way his cock twitches, the way he watches him stumble, choke, and moan.

He loves taking it.

He loves being put in his place.

He lives for it.

It makes him feel so fucking wanted. It makes him feel so good, making Chris feel so good that he has to lose it.

Along with blowing Chris there's another favorite thing Sebastian has...

It's very related.

It's just a little bit south of Chris' dick.

It's rimming Chris.

There's no other way to say it than to say it.

Chris isn't always ready for it, literally and emotionally. He likes to have some warning. Sometimes Seb will ask, and he'll decline. Other times, Chris will push Sebastian's head down, past his cock, past his heavy balls, aaaaall the way down to his hole. Painting a picture about what he needs. Showing not telling.

Sebastian likes being shown. Chris spreads his legs, wanton, shoves him around, and pants, "yeah, yeah, yeah." He wants it, no, he doesn't just want it. He needs it.

Anything he needs, Seb will give him.

Chris gets this look on his face when Sebastian has his mouth on his cock; his mouth drops open with some filthy swear, eyes rolling back just a little as his eyebrows draw together, and his face heats up--dusted with pink, high on his cheekbones. The perfect marriage of going slack and rising tension. Nothing gets Sebastian hotter faster than watching him be overrun with pleasure.

And if that's even half as beautiful as how he looks when Sebastian first gets his mouth on his hole... God. Maybe Seb doesn't want to see it. He might explode looking at that. That amount of pleasure. Written gloriously over his breath-taking face.

The clue that Sebastian gets as to what face Chris is making comes from the way he sounds--he goes silent, shocked into perfect quiet first, then he groans. Deep. Vibrating his chest. It's uncontrollable. Hungry and uncontrollable.

Sebastian fucking loves it.

He loves that sound.

He loves pleasing Chris this way. Taboo. Dirty. Sebastian was a lot of firsts for Chris in that he was the first guy Chris was with in a lot of ways. But, y’know, Chris has had his cock sucked before, he's fucked someone up the ass before, etc. Chris had never been rimmed before.

Mmm-hmm.

Sebastian was the first one to do that to Chris.

So, sue him if he's a little territorial over it. Have you seen his ass? Anyone would get worked up and possessive.

Chris always sounds like he's surprised at how good it feels. He squirms and moves like he forgets how it feels from the last time they did this. He loses his words for most of it, as if he can't think at all. The only thing left is pleasure.

Pleasure.

That's what Seb wants to give him, anyway he can. It just so happens that he really likes using his mouth. Sucking Chris' cock. Tonguing Chris' rim. Using his mouth and getting on his knees. Where he belongs.

Oh, yeah.

Receiving

Listen--

Sebastian likes being fucked, he really, really does. His body is sensitive. He enjoys the hell out of bottoming. Being fucked by Chris' dick or his fingers or a toy of Chris' choice, it doesn't matter. He'll take what he can get, literally. Take it. The number of butt plugs and various other insertable toys he and Chris own prove that.

But you add having Chris' fingers in his mouth in any sexual situation and... that might be his favorite thing to feel. It's the cherry on top and yet also an act that's satisfying enough on it's own.

It's wonderful.

Fucked with fingers in his mouth, heavy on his tongue? Fuck yes.

Fingers in his mouth as Chris moves his other hand all over his body, literally petting him like he's a kitten? God, please.

Blowing Chris when Chris works a finger into his mouth at the same time as his cock (maybe getting his finger slick for fucking Seb soon)? YES.

Literally, anything that involves Chris' fingers in his mouth is something that Sebastian lives for.

He doesn't know how, in his mind--in his body, having those thick, long fingers on his tongue, pressing into his throat, stacks up to the thick, hot pleasure of being fucked or rimmed or any overt sexual touch. But it just does.

Fingers in his mouth. Powerful. Pleasurable even though it shouldn't be.

Maybe that's why it's so good, because it's taboo and it shouldn't be so fucking fulfilling.

Sebastian's mind empties with the weight of fingers on his tongue. Whether Seb is simply allowed to suck on them, if Chris is stroking his tongue, fingerbanging his mouth, pinching his tongue, or even tugging on his teeth, propping his mouth open, all of it leaves him dumb. Blissfully blank. Empty other than the white-hot feeling in his skull.

When he goes a long stretch without having Chris' fingers in his mouth, he swears his ears ring the second they slide into his mouth again. One, two, three, or even four if he's really being spoiled. It's an explosion of pleasure that hits him deep in his mind. Animal. Primal. Ancient. Like he instinctively knows he belongs here, between Chris' legs, mouth full.

Yeah, having Chris' fingers in his mouth is special.

Any day that Chris will give him that, it's a good fucking day.

And do not get Sebastian started on how much it turns him to mush when Chris has his fingers in his mouth, pressing until he gags and chokes and starts to cry, pulls them out roughly, a string of saliva connecting them for one, long, agonizing moment, and then fists those fingers around his throat. He squeezes until Sebastian's vision is even more blurred, and he's just beginning to gasp, desperate for oxygen to feed the fire smoldering inside him. The hot, wet brand of his fingers around his throat is indescribably erotic. When Chris lets him breathe again, Sebastian moans hoarsely, crumbling, only held up by Chris' fingers twisted in his hair. The second Sebastian can speak again, he'll beg, voice crawling, for those fingers back. Wrecked.

I hope you enjoyed!

[me-saw-hoo-dini]

Kind of a vent post a little bit? I’m talking about the DSMP and a little bad about Nogla and Terroriser

Bro my Twitter is a fucking shit storm rn where every other post is about Dream or Tommyinnit and I do not give a single flying fuck about either or any of them. I did watch the dsmp and I was a huge fan of literally everyone but drama after drama with some shit being true and this that and the fucking other I deleted my original Twitter and unsubscribe from everybody. I don’t want to hear jack shit about ANYONE anymore whether it’s good or bad no matter if they did anything bad or not when I was watching them I do not give a fuck do not show me that shit. Now there are people from the dsmp that I’ll get posts from/about on rare occasions and I feel nothing but sorrow cuz I did love them and they never did nothing wrong no drama or nothing (to my knowledge but like Techno, Puffy, Ponk, etc) and I reminisce about them but other than that I mainly want that shit off my fyp.

The way I do not give a fuck about any of them is that literally any one of them could come out as pedo or abuser or ANYTHING and I would just shrug and go “eh fuck them they can rot in hell” and then simply carry on with the rest of my day. Like okay I probably would be pissed about it like I was with Wilbur but that was more towards the whole “Shelby is lying” and or “Wilbur did nothing wrong” idiots and then Wilbur trying to play it off? Idk maybe I would care I’m not sure how to explain it I just know I don’t wanna hear from/about them anymore at all. Same shit even if it was something happy like “oh they got married” or “oh they had a kid” like… ok cool idc. I keep marking tweets as not interested or even not relevant and I keep getting tweets! Twitter for whatever reason will not let me mute words either so I’m just stuck here having to see these tweets and mark them.

But I know deep god damn well down in my heart that this shit isn’t going to just stay on twitter cuz I know damn well that Terroriser and Nogla are gonna milk this drama on their react channel and I’m going to die inside. Like for the love of god DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THEM MY GOD. Now they might not make a reaction video idk but I just know that somehow they’re gonna bring it up sometime. Fun fact that’s why I don’t follow Nogla, Scotty, or Kelly on Twitter because they talk about the DSMP from time to time and I …

I’ll be real Nogla’s alright or whatever but sometimes he really does frustrate me when he brings up drama out of no where. Like Miniladd for example. Now let me get this shit straight FUCK MINILADD THAT ASSHOLE CAN DIE but Nogla brings up Miniladd any chance he can get and it’s just not funny at all to me it just makes me roll my eyes. “That guy looks like a certain someone we shall not name” “ohh that voice yikes” SHUT UP AND MOVE ON like you’re watching old clips and guess who y’all used to play with I’m gonna pull my hair out. Now Terrorizer isn’t really that bad cuz him and like Wildcat and even Delirious like one time will crack Miniladd jokes sometimes and they’re HILARIOUS you know why? Cuz they don’t take every opportunity they can to bring him up (and they’re really fucking good ones oml)! The only time Terroriser brings up drama that I know about is either back to back to back on the react channel depending on the topic of course or when he’s making the funny one off jokes in random videos (or random one off tweets) while Nogla my god I can tell 94% of the time when he’s about to bring up Mini and just GOOOOOOOD. Idk if maybe Nogla is getting more views/better ratings when he does talk about drama but euugh.

I just don’t wanna hear about any of the DSMP members anymore

Edit: thinking back on it I guess it is a little hypocritical of me/not entirely fair that I’m getting on Nogla and Terroriser for their drama reaction vids cuz like they’ll all make videos specifically about drama like the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard videos but too be fair I also didn’t care about their drama or really care for those videos but I did watch them and there were some funny moments that I laughed at (and I also laughed my ass of at Terroriser/Lanai’s “@AmberHeard there’s always onlyfans” tweet) so idk man I’m just sick of the dsmp and Nogla making Miniladd jokes Ig (ºل͟º)