#THIS IS. ANOTHER THING I THINK ABOUT W THE FAIRIES TBH. how sweet dreams and nightmares are subjective.

[moe-broey]

Concept: Peony bestowing a gentle dream so sweet that isn't reflective of your reality At All, so that when you wake you're like. Feeling even worse actually. Why did you make me dream of closure that's not at all feasible in my reality.

LIKE. LIKE. It was Just Grounded Enough in the circumstances of the situation, that in another world maybe it all DID play out this way. Maybe it truly could have played out like that. And you're going through all these very real motions about it. It's deeply emotional, but has to be done, and on the horizon you know things are rough now but soon. Everything will be okay soon.

But that's. Not at all reflective of your situation. So you just wake up like. You found every little thing in my heart that I longed for. Treated it, with all the care and kindness in the world. But then I woke up and honestly I feel like that was kind of fucked up of you tbh LMFAOOOO

[tinkiisms]

crossover ship wishlist

now, i’ve finally found an rp partner who is giving me the tink/jim i’ve long desired, but last night when i couldn’t sleep i was thinking of the rest of the crossover ships i’ve always wanted but never got the chance to write.

maybe describing my vision for them will convince ANYBODY to consider plotting with me!

in no particular order, i submit for your perusal....the perfect crossover ships w/ tinker bell.

TINKER BELL x PIPS:

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times, this is literally the most perfect conceivable animated crossover ship possible, and idk why it isn’t more popular.

Both characters are sassy and fun-loving, attractive fairies who would certainly take an interest in one another. Pips is quite similar to the character Tink canonically has a crush on (Peter) which being more mature and actually her size/species, as well as Tink having a similar personality to the character Pips has a crush on (Crysta.) Neither ended up with their unrequited loves in their story, so it’s not even like x-over ships with like all the Disney princesses and other characters who found their “one true love” because they’re both SINGLE, READY TO MINGLE, AND LITERALLY PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER

I like the thought of the romantic tension we can have for them because they might both be wary to start anything, having had unrequited love before, but they definitely flirt and vibe with each other.

Also I have already made several edits for them--this is the kinda ship that I’m never gonna stop reblogging inspo for and writing threads, if I only had a partner to explore it with me.

TINKER BELL x CRYSTA

As I said wrt to Tink/Pips, Tinker Bell and Crysta have a similar personality. They’re both curious, easily distracted, and none too concerned with rules--and then their differences in personality just go toward giving them chances to clash and not be the same person.

They would definitely be a good bad influence on each other, exploring and getting into trouble, but helping each other out of it as well.

I don’t have so much to say about them bc Tink/Pips is really where I think the most potential is, but I also refuse to neglect the delightful possibilty of a wlw fairy ship sitting right there for the taking.

TINKER BELL x HICCUP

I’ve seen videos of Hiccup/Fawn--which makes sense on its own bc like, Hic&Toothless + Fawn&Gruff vibes, they're both bleeding hearts--but I’m SHOCKED that I haven’t seen any for Hiccup/Tink?? Let’s discuss:

They look good together, both favor natural color schemes with green. They’re both inventors which is something to bond over. They both break the mold in their respective society, going where none others have gone before/breaking customs that end up making their kingdoms that much better because they have open minds.

The potential plotlines because Hiccup gave a dragon the ability to fly again w/ his wing design, and Tinker Bell broke her wing in one of her films--so let’s say sparkly sister magic isn’t a cure for broken wings, but Hiccup helps her?? I just love it.

The angst, the drama, the romance, the fluff, endless possibilities. Canon divergence is necessary tbh--in general crossover verses I can play Tink as a fairy that can change to be human-sized (like in OUAT) to make for a better match with human characters. But other than that, we have a perfect basis for a x-over ship if I just find a writing partner with the right chemistry!

TINKER BELL x MARIANNE

OKAY ideal fairy crossover ship, yes. 1. Tinker Bell and Marianne have similar character arcs throughout their stories (Marianne in Strange Magic, and Tink from her series of films through the original Peter Pan timeline and then the Disney Fairies books.)

Both start out quite hopeful and sweet, but when their first love breaks their heart, they kinda vow to never fall in love again and swear not to let themselves be hurt like that, they close themselves off from such feelings and develop a tough exterior. Marianne learns to sword-fight, and Tink carries around daggers--fighty couple with each other’s back potential!!

They both eventually open up to love--WITH EACH OTHER. And that would be so sweet oh my god.

The actress for Tinker Bell has done a couple duets with her friend who looks like Marianne and it makes my heart sing.

TINKER BELL x NOD

It’s been a long time since I watched Epic but I remember that Nod was another kind of energetically rule-breaking character who would mesh well with Tink. Again, they look good together. I just want to see how that goes because I can never get my sights off of other tiny-character muses for Tink to cross-over with...

TINKER BELL x TOOTHIANA

THIS ONE WOULD JUST BE SO ADORABLE. Tooth is adorable and Tink is adorable and if they were girlfriends it would be really sweet and perfect, that’s all.

TINKER BELL x HERCULES

I’ve plotted this one out a little bit with an RP partner years ago but we never really got past the first couple replies on our thread to start developing the concept.

I just love the idea of Tink and Hercules being long-time friends even before he realized his lineage, and then when he becomes all famous Tink is like “don’t forget about me” and they both just shine so,

I just think they’re neat

TINKER BELL x ARRIETTY

Here we go. Tink and Arrietty: both little explorers at heart who want more out of life. Both disregard what they’ve been told about humans because they find them interesting and not bad. Arrietty would be fascinated by Tink bc 1. She didn’t believe in fairies though her mom claims to have seen one once in her youth, so meeting her she would be in awe. 2. She wants to be a proper borrower who ventures out instead of keeping the house, and Tink legit lives in nature and makes inventions out of lost human things.

They would just have such an interesting dynamic, like Arrietty fricking running off with a fairy of all things to fulfill her dreams--

TINKER BELL x CORNELIUS

A commoner/royal dynamic I enjoy, because Tink is unused to be treated a certain way. Cornelius is really cute, and together they wouldn’t have as much of a sweet-sweet dynamic as Cornelius/Thumbelina but a little more dynamic and interesting to explore.

I also make edits...

TINKER BELL x THUMBELINA

Tink/Thumbelina would be really cute because imagine them meeting instead of Cornelius meeting Thumbelina, right? She would just see Tink and and be BIG BLUSH over her and Tink would be like “what is this feeling? oh no she’s cute” and I just love it

I already have a temporary tag for them where you can view some art/edits other people have made, but once i find “their ship song” it will get a proper tag

TINKER BELL x ARIEL

One of those things. Um, both fascinated by human junk, both part of a different world, fall in love with someone of another species, but here’s the thing. Ariel is sea, and Tink is sky. The plotting and development that would have to go down to get them both to meet in the middle, on land, is what makes the thought of this ship really interesting to me.

We can basically write our own movie based on the idea of a fairy and mermaid falling for each other.

basically if anyone decides to plot any of these with me, i’m gonna be making edits, playlists, aesthetics and reblogging ship inspo posts & musings bc i have a lot of muse for these potential ships.

i have either currently or in the past written platonic threads with some of these characters, so that’s one thing and good in its own regard but i’m not looking for it with this post lbr.

i’m interested in shipping rn bc tbh i have a lot of random fluff interactions going on but i generaly have a lot more inspiration to reply to things and hold multiple threads with a partner when we develop stronger relationships between the muses. (rather than casual introductory stuff)

like it just keeps me very intrigued in plots when more feelings are involved? & there are more places to go with romance bc you can have every plot a platonic pair can have + additional romantic-feeling based plots. no shame in that...i like ships :s

[a-nonbinary-mess]

I want you to do all the botanical asks because im a plant gay and i love you and i love plants

im crying op please tell me who you are please i love you too idk who you are but im love u too (also this is 31 questions anon omggg)

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with

1. art (anything aesthetically pleasing)

2. food–mainly desserts

3. stress (that i put on myself)

4. lavender bc i really love lavenders

5. uhh dogs? i really love dogs

bleeding heart: what makes your heart go mushy?

-thoughts of how much I adore my friends tbh

-any cliche romcom trope in a fanfic or seeing ppl suddenly realize how much they love another person, whether platonically or romantically

-seeing kind people in the world and amazing animals, mainly dogs and cats

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

-uhh idk i like disney channel original songs a lot tho and ive been listening to a lot of potential song by aly and aj lol

-love on the brain by rihanna, uhh anything that sounds cheesy and cute and romantic like la vie en rose by edith piaf (the cover by laura and anton is super good)

evening primrose: what is your sleeping playlist (five songs): 

-anything by lofi hip hop beats w/ anime girls studying hard

-any studio ghibli song tbh

-any classical music song idk i dont listen to a lot of music before i sleep

-tango music ??? 

-a whole musical (hamilton, chicago, etc)

-songs that dont require me to sing bc i will sing to legit any song at 3 am instead of sleeping

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog that’s not following you? 

-hmm idk? i mainly follow a lot of art blogs, so i would say any of them? maybe hinamie? or insomniac-arrest is a super cool person, thatsthat24 bc thomas sanders is an amazing human being and i would love to be friends with him

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

-lavenders or sunflowers? where i live is kind of really difficult to plant anything tbh (unpredictable weather, things die in the winter, etc) and also idk how to take care of plants r i p 

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

-rainy evening for sure. i love to leave the window opening, listen to soothing music, drink tea surrounded by candles, and read something ive been putting off while my dog is curled up next to me

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

-i like the whole rainbow of colors but i prefer the darkest black and darker red for clothing and a light purple in general

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

-happiness. jk but i really do wish that i wasn’t mentally ill though :// also a cat. bc im allergic : (

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?

-idk i dont sleep well or deep enough anymore to even dream but i remember having a dream 2 years ago that i was dating oikawa from haikyuu and he was so disconcerting in my dream that i remember it to this day bc essentially he wasnt a real person like i could recognize him bc he was a damn hologram like miku and we had sex the end it was wild

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

-favorite cotton candy flavor (???): there are multiple flavors???? i just like the original pink i guess idk anything about cotton candy 

-ice cream: cookies n cream, cookie dough, vanilla, mint depending on where im getting it, and strawberry : )

-juice: does fruit punch count 

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

-i love singing and i can legit never stop

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

-i love love love red eyeshadow. the brighter the red, the better. i also love red eyeliner and just anything red in general, but i usually mainly use red eyeshadow bc i love the look; anything red = good

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

-i love bees !!! butterflies are cool too but bees are cute fluffy babies that essentially control whether we live or die

-uhh probably dog person but only bc i have one :0 i love cats too but im less sneezy and generally stressed when im with dogs lol

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

-i really do like sweets but i used to eat so much as a kid that im kind of sick of them now but i still like to eat the occasional cookie or cake or something

-i really like donuts !!! also any asian dessert (eastern, southern, western, EVERYWHERE) is amazing to me and i love eating them

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

-merperson !!! i love the ocean and maybe we can finally figure out whats at the bottom of it ; ) sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?

-babe mainly, hon

-hey, you fucker

-u dumb egg

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

-i can barely swim now uggghhh but i swam for five years and i knew all the strokes and was super good at freestyle (haru who) !! now i can barely do the freestyle and that’s it lolwindflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why i like them

-thebootydiaries: she’s funny !! anyone who i find funny i automatically like

-thatsthat24: thomas sanders is amazing. i love him and his friends so much and i think about being his friend a lot to the point where ill have dreams about suddenly being good friends with his whole posse aldjfal;fjl

-tatir0ckz: we used to talk a lot like back when we were both into hetalia but we never talk anymore ? which is fine ! but i remember a lot of our old convos and we skyped like once and idk 2012 was a simpler time

-adorable-as-fuck: i know her irl !! we went to the arcade like once and it was a ton of fun so we exchanged tumblrs and thats it and on the rare occasion that we’re both free, we might go to the arcade again !! idk its cool she’s super cool

-mhaikkun: her art style is so good and she doesnt upload as much on tumblr anymore but shes so cute and her clothing style and aesthetics is sooo good !! she’s a p cool person and her stories on twitter are always super wholesome aah

-this is more than five but ngl aphtextsfromnordics, incorrectknb and any other incorrect quotes blogs or text message blogs changed me as a person aldfj

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

-baker for sure ! baking just calms me down i think

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?

-if i do have children, i want to tell them that i will never judge them for who they want to be. i hope they will be as open as possible and that i would never want to make them uncomfortable. i would encourage talking about problems and just communicating needs in general. idk, basically everything my biological parents didnt do

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?

-tbh my parents are awful, awful parents (and one of them is just a purely disgustingly, horrid person) and i would never wish for them to tell me anything bc on the off chance that they did try to parent, it was to tell me how much of a burden i was, or something racist/homophobic, etc. 

-if they were better people, i wish they would have told me it was okay to be struggling and its okay to be lost rn. i wish they would have encouraged open communication and kindness but well, i learned that all myself : )

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

-nope! i sometimes really wish i did, but relationships honestly stress me out and idk how to talk to irl people : ( i love platonic relationships a little more honestly, makes me feel more comfortable

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?

-sunset for sure lol i think sunsets are so pretty bc of all the colors that are involved and during that time period is when im doing something i like and im typically at home : ))

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?

-i wake up early now bc of school but i usually sleep late and wake up late haha

marigold: what’s your favorite tea?

-roasted green tea and lavender! anything flowery is nice too : )

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?

-i only have one dog (a pomeranian) and her name is marzia! which is short for marzipan bc my dad didnt want to remember such a long name lol

hyacinth: do you name your plants?

-ye! most of the time theyre just silly names like spiky (for when we had a cactus a long time ago) or red/pink (the colors of the roses), etc. idk about now bc i dont have any plants currently

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?

-hmm depends on the friend tbh

-but most of the time id rather sleep and be cozy !!!

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?

-dipping !! i like ketchup or ketchup and mayo !! cheese fries are sooo good too

dandelion: any special talent that you have?

-i can bullshit a writing piece really bad and still get a good grade on it (seeing as most of the time i procrastinate until the night before and write the whole damn thing)

thanks for all of these questions anon !! if u can and ur comfortable, pls get off of anon sometime so we can talk !! im on tumblr a lot more now bc im procrastinating lol (and if my responses are late its bc im on mobile with no notifs on lol)

[gnostic-heretic]

For the character ask meme: Uhhhh give me Vietnam if possible and if not, Norway plz! ;3 💖💖💖

it’s possible for both!!! >:3c live the dream!

Vietnam: 

favorite thing about them

i like how she’s headstrong and serious! i also think she’s really cute though. and also, strange statement maybe, but i like the fact that we have a female character that is not very “feminine” for once. more love for gnc girls, people!

least favorite thing about them

hm... sometimes the fandom portrays her as TOO serious and super cold which i don’t think is true. also, though, it’s also part of her canon portrayal (the whole “she never smiles” thing and all...) so here i say: let vietnam smile! let vietnam have fun!

favorite line

she doesn’t have many lines and scenes... but this one is my fave BY A LONG SHOT

brOTP

Vietnam and Thailand! They’d be such cute friends! Also, I feel like Hong Kong + Taiwan/Vietnam is another excellent couple+best friend trio!

OTP

T A I V I E T please this was actually my first hetalia f/f otp... and i still love them i mean look at them! consider: Taiwan being the sweetest gf and reminding Vietnam how cute she is to her... Taiwan taking Vietnam out shopping for fun... Vietnam being able to loosen up and laugh when she’s around her cute, happy, cheerful gf... and Vietnam being always there for Taiwan when she’s having a hard time aahhh kind of like the strong pillar of her life... so cute!

nOTP

ameviet i mean... do i even need to explain why. yall... 

random headcanon

she’s a lesbian

unpopular opinion

haven’t seen many opinions about her specifically so i don’t know what’s unpopular!

song i associate with them

??? eee i suck at this one i’ll... maybe get back to you later

favorite picture of them

get yourself a goth gf like this

now with norway!!!

favorite thing about them

just like with Romania, i like his passion for folklore and fairy tales! i also love that under the cold surface, he’s actually a really sweet and caring guy.also, his hair looks so soft. 10/10 i am gay  

least favorite thing about them

asahgs the fandom’s idea that he is abusive like... quit it

also sometimes he’s almost TOO cold in the canon strips i mean.. c’mon we know the guy can show some emotions and even be funny when he wants to (see: his parody of sweden) i’d love to see more of that side of him!!!

favorite line

I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS... FOR ONE HOUR... BUT... that part where he gives iceland the yoggi... he cares so much about his lil bro? i think it’s so cute!

i can’t find the whole strip though i die

also, for some reason, i really like this scene... he sounds so cold but i think he’s also just really concerned about the ongoing battle, tbh.  i like his expression in that bottom right panel a lot...

lol.

brOTP

i like him and iceland’s familiar relationship! i think they are really cute siblings :> actually a big reason why norway and iceland are some of my faves is that their interactions are always so funny and endearing.

OTP

dennor ajdjks i am basic... and also based PURELY on looks and personalities, i think norway and finland would make a really cute couple...!

nOTP

romantic norice i mean... again... COME ON GUYS... 

random headcanon

OK I KNOW WE TALKED ABT THIS EXTENSIVELY BUT... i just love the idea of him, ice and denmark being a sort of  atypical family and having their own peculiar dynamic. like iceland would hold such a grudge  towards norway but also kind of see denmark as a cool adult figure and almost even more of a big brother than nor... but deep down i think iceland cares about his brother more than he lets show! and norway would try his best... to not only be there for his brother but also to be more open about his emotions.i just LOVE thinking of him opening up and having healthy loving relationships, romantic and not, in his life... my boy deserves to be happy!also, silly headcanon but in au settings just the same way i envision tolys as a teacher, i so strongly see norway as a writer. i also see him as being into punk/alt fashion but aahh that’s literally just my own self indulgence. i mean, listen, my argument is literally just: norway with piercings? wow? i am gay?

unpopular opinion

anko family headcanons that are like uwu norway is the mom and denmark is the dad uwu are boring and overrated. life is more nuanced than that guys! also neither of them is the “mom” like lmao they’re both MEN quit it w/ this shit

song i associate with them

HHGGGGHHH

favorite picture of them

is this official? is it not? it’s a thing of beauty anyway

[yoyoplisetsky]

I’ve had a long past few weeks and been very busy, so technically this list is for like,,, 2 weeks, but I want to get back on track, so I’m pretending like it’s only for 1. Hopefully, starting next week, I’ll be able to read/write more frequently again. Hopefully? :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy the fics I liked “this week”. As always, please please send me suggestions if you have some ^^ Also this list is like 75% Nuri and Meg and I’m only half sorry for it. Also! This time I tried to link tumblrs as much as I could; pls tell me if you know a tumblr I didn’t link :)

What I Read This Week (7/2-7/9)

The Westchester Samba - FullmetalChords - @phoenixrei - Victor knew a lot of things about his fiancé. He knew that he loved dogs, especially poodles. He knew that he was allergic to dairy and had a special fondness for a Japanese dish called katsudon. He knew that he’d taken dance lessons when he was young, and that he’d thought of going pro before realizing that art theft was a lot more lucrative. He knew every mole, every scar, every stretch mark on his body, and had spent considerable time learning and worshipping each one. He knew his fears, and he knew his dreams. He did not, however, know his name. (My review: Probs my fave story in Meg’s thief au tbh)

patellofemoral pain syndrome (Ch. 1-2) - seventhstar - @pencilwalla - It’s just…does Viktor not get bored with doing it the same way every night? Doesn’t he want to spice things up? Is Yuuri being unreasonable? He’s pretty sure that if Viktor told him his performance in bed was unsatisfying his soul would flee his body for a more merciful plane of existence, but…Viktor is thicker-skinned than he is. And so here they are. Viktor’s bed is wide and soft, and Yuuri is lying there with wet hair and ratty boxers while Viktor absently trails kisses over his shoulder. It’s nice. It’s soft. It’s good. Viktor’s headboard is enormous and Yuuri keeps thinking about Viktor’s wrists bound to it, black rope over white skin. Fuck. He should say something. (My review: Nuri’s arthritis porn is A+++ everyone needs to read it okay?)

even sinners have hearts (Ch. 1-2) - seventhstar - @pencilwalla​ -��Alexei Ivanov is watching Yuuri as he lifts the cup to his mouth. His lips part to drink; Yuuri has never wanted to be a mouthful of sake more. I have to kill him, Yuuri thinks, and he stands up and announces to the room the time and place of the tour he’s giving tomorrow. Or, the one where they're powered criminals in love. (My review: HOOOOOOOO BOY YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED? SOME TELEPATHY MM YES. YES. WRECK THEM NURI I MEAN YUURI)

Eros, and Other Love Stories - FullmetalChords - @phoenixrei - Eros. Yuuri understands it in theory, of course. He’s seen what must be hundreds of movies about the very topic, but never really understood them. Never understood why the protagonists of these films make such fools of themselves for sex, or why they fall head over heels in love with the first pretty face they see. He nods and smiles and sighs along with the rest of them… but he’s never related to those characters’ struggles. Not even a little. What is wrong with him?- - A character study of Japan's ace, Katsuki Yuuri. (My review: I sitll haven’t commented on this because I’m 8.2 million years behind on everything but w o w Meg’s ace!Yuuri blew me away. Unbelievable)

The Triple Lutz Job (Ch. 1-4) - FullmetalChords - @phoenixrei​ - Backed by the world's foremost hackers, grifters, and thieves, Victor Nikiforov works the other side of the law to fight against injustice on behalf of the underprivileged. When a woman asks for his help in retrieving stolen government data, Victor and his team infiltrate a local figure skating competition in order to take down a corrupt CEO. But beneath the ice's frigid beauty lurk many perilous secrets that may be more than even the world's greatest thieves can handle. (My review: IT’S ABOUT FSAJKFSING TIME I READ THIS MEG I’M DYING MEG’S OTABEK IS BEST OTABEK.)

Twice The Love For Yuuri - smutinator - @smutinator​ - Yuuri and Viktor go camping and end up having a three-way with Viktor's fairy doppelganger. (My review: Look, I always need more vyv. We all know that. Very well written and A+.)

Six Hours Ahead (Ch. 6-10) - alipiee - @alipiee​ - (In which Yuuri unknowingly befriends Viktor online and gushes to him about the living legend himself) (My review: Another story I was 50 years behind on. I love this super sweet au, and I live for Niki and Yuuri. It’s very cute and ccan’t wait for more)

never tasted rubies - ebenroot - @ebenroot​ - Phichit puts up a poll on the radio website. It reads ‘What Do U Think About Yuuri K. from Hasetsu Nights and the Mysterious Caller Victor?’ Seventy-five percent of listeners said ‘lol they should just f*ck already tbh’. -- in which Yuuri is an unwilling radio host and Victor won't stop calling in to chat with him (My review: I feel like I might hvae read this one before but ??? it’s???? so good??? Definitely a favorite in the fandom)

(Don't Stop) 'Til You Knock On My Door - FullmetalChords - @phoenixrei - “And…” Victor wets his lips. “You… want this?” A sly smile spreads across Yuuri’s face. “I want,” Yuuri says, putting his hands on Victor’s hips as he pulls him closer, “to give you what you need.” He brushes his thumbs over Victor’s hip bones. “Will you tell me what you need now?” -- Yuuri is ace. Victor is not. They both find a way to get what they need from each other. (My review: Ace!Yuuri feat. Viktor getting no control in his life for once because he fucking needs that sometimes. God, Meg killed me. Again.)

While you were sleeping - Chessala - @chessala - In which Yuuri falls into a Coma after saving Viktor's life and Viktor is having a hard time dealing with it. (My review: I shouldn’t have any room to say “this is so sad” with me also writing a mcd this week but also how dare you i loved it)

Reptiles - KasumiChou - @kasumi-chou - Yuri was over JJ spamming him pictures of his snakes. Snakes were not cool. No. Nope. Cats were one hundred times better. And then he finds out how hot Otabek looks with a snake around his neck. (My review: So I’m def super behind on Kas’s Twitter au, but she did this thing with snakes and I needed more. This is my fault. <3 u kas. I loved it)

The Virtue of Sin (Ch. 1) - DefiantDreams - @gia-comeatme - When Yuuri comes home to 7 demons, each embodying the 7 Deadly Sins, it’s honestly the least of his worries.Surprisingly, they help him get back on his feet, succeed in his career and get the man of his dreams.(But, as with anything, there is a price.) (My review: so I saw essa reblog this prompt and was immediately excited because a) i love essa and b) the prompt looked great and she did not let me down, excited for more!!) 

How You Turned My World, You Precious Thing - cuttlemefish - @cuttlemefishwrites - Labyrinth-inspired (1986) AU. When Viktor’s sister dies in a car crash, he’s left to take care of his one-year-old nephew Yuri, despite barely knowing how to take care of himself. It’s too bad Viktor has accidentally wished Yuri away to the Goblin King, whose killer eye-shadow game and glitter storms are nothing compared to the Labyrinth protecting his castle. Now, Viktor has 13 hours to get Yuri back or he risks losing him forever to the Goblin King, who also has 13 hours to convince Viktor that forever is not long at all. (My review: the labyrinth au i didn’t know I needed until z started to write it - feat. baby yurio, goblin king yuuri, and clueless viktor who is definitely at fault for this)

What I Wrote This Week (7/2-7/9)

never stop remembering him - “The flight from Sheremetyevo Airport in Moscow to Fukoka has gone down,” The loudspeaker was saying, and Viktor wished the ringing would return. “We have no word yet on the passengers or crew, but it is reported that an engine went out and couldn’t be recovered, and the plane crash landed. As we get more information on the flight, it will be reported. For now – “ They began to talk about other delays, but Viktor didn’t bother to listen, his heart feeling numb. He just had to remember to breathe. (Or: Yuuri dies after Rostelecom and what can Viktor do?)

[2slowgoers]

10.20.19 - brutally honest

Hi W!

I’m not entirely inspired right now, but I’ve been thinking throughout the day, since I was inspired, and want to be able to write some stuff and articulate things. I’ll respond your previous post after I’ve written out my new content.

First thing, I spent these 4 days of bed rest binge watching a Kdrama, a rom com that I absolutely adore to bits! I just finished and my heart is AH <3. It’s called Fight My Way and reminds me of bits of pieces of Strong Woman DBS and Weightlifting Fairy. It’s got a strong female lead (the 2nd lead is also strong in a subtle way), and it’s about two best friends (since childhood) who eventually fall in love. It’s so sweet! And it’s completely my style haha, I’ve seen too many Kdramas at this point, I recognize most of the actors lmao. ANYWAYS, this drama brought me through an emotional rollercoaster over these couple of days, because the really main point of the show is about 4 twenty-somethings navigating their life, dreams, and relationships. Most of them were stuck in some menial, daily life grind job, and were not getting to do what they really loved at the beginning of the show. I felt super reassured cuz Kdramas tend to have 28/29 year olds still struggling to figure out their life, so it just helps me feel comforted. Seeing some of them in their day jobs, and hating it, but doing it because they have to earn money, was SO friggin relatable. One of them did customer service for a bit and was yelled at over the phone, and boy I almost cried from relatable that moment was. Watching them face their fear to follow their dreams, and fail along the way, but still persist, was honestly so moving to watch. It’s a more realistic show, and they did face a lot of failures. The main female lead had to go up against many applicants who had prestigious backgrounds like studying abroad or come from rich families, and she was continuously rejected, but she persisted and found something else that she loved to do. I will now tie in how this Kdrama feels so relevant to my life right now...

I named todays post “brutally honest” because I want to take this chance to be properly honest with you, once and for all, about how I feel my life. I added “brutally” because, honestly after spending 4 days alone in my room on my bed, it gives me a chance to clear away distractions and thoughts about daily life, to really self reflect. I could spend these days thinking about things I normally think about, but I’d usually run into life distractions that’d make me stop. It’s also brutal, because my thoughts can get pretty dark. But I’m trying not to see them as dark, but rather just being brutally honest about my life. You get a slice of what my journal entries look like :P

I am SO uninspired by my life in the Bay Area. If I think too much about it, I think I might be pretty miserable? The only reason I don’t think I’m super miserable on the daily basis is because I have distractions and I try not to think too much about it. But the truth is, I think my life is miserable, and to look at my own life, I hate myself. I’m actually growing so much hate for my current life, that I feel motivated to grow and cultivate a future that will never let me have to relive this life again. Combined with these health complications and my tendency to live life thinking “life’s so short, u never know when ur gna die”, I just don’t think the life I am living right now is worth living, if my life is truly going to be short. Some of the characters in Fight My Way go through this experience, and confront the misery they had (except they were living it for 5+ years - throughout their early and mid twenties). I don’t know how much you know, or how much what I say has impacted you, because I try to keep it low key, but I really really really really hate my life here. I just REALLY REALLY hate it. I hate what i’m doing for my job. I hate what the Bay Area is full of. I hate being surrounded by the energy here. I do NOT want to be here. And tbh I think I would be like this in any big American city. I would be like this at any corporate job. It’s not where I am working specifically, it’s not the Bay Area specifically, but I am just so so so UNinspired. I know for a fact I am capable of being inspired and feeling motivated, and yet I feel like I am wasting my days away. I am literally just here to earn the minimal money I can so I can get out of here as soon as possible. I think I am capable of getting through each day because I can lie to myself for the short term. That I’m learning... or I have great coworkers... I’m so lucky to live here for the rent I pay... I live a comfortable and privileged life - okay those are not lies, but tbh don’t think I’m learning much at all. In order to get through the next 7 months, I think I have to numb myself. And the only reason I’ve been able to get this far (1.5+ years), is because I lied to myself about all the things I want to accomplish and I am able to do here. Ok, saying that I lied to myself might be a bit brutal, but I did have to convince myself why I should have come here, get the jobs I did, and be here. Some days I can appreciate the things i’ve gone through and learned, and I think I had to have been here to go onto what ever is next for me. But just so I can make it very clear... I hope to Never. Ever. Ever. EVER. Return to the life I am living now. I can only go up from here, based on my own standards. I will return if I absolutely, financially, need to again, but god I really hate the tech world. I hate that I have to spend my everyday life pretending to like it and be enthusiastic about it (it’s hard especially when I’m interviewing candidates and I have to say how excited and how much i love everything sigh). I am SO SO SO SO SICK of myself for what I put myself through the past (soon to be) 3 years. I so sincerely hope that once I hit June 2020, that will be the end of this phase for me. What’s next? Who knows god what. (Well, I have some ideas, but I will reveal them when I am a bit more ready). 

Ok. That was my brutally honest vent about how I really actually feel about my life. I effing hate it. But I can only pretend not to hate it for a few more months. It’s really hard, to not feel like I can ever be my true self, that I don’t even know what my true self is, I just know that my everyday right now is not it. On a related note, I also don’t feel the most comfortable living where I am right now, because it feels like it’s owned and dominated by someone else, you know? Another future goal is to finally live somewhere I can truly feel at home and I can be myself in too. The closest I have to feeling that way about a home was living with H, but otherwise, everywhere I lived was always owned or shared with someone else... I cannot wait for the day I get to have my own space, my own kitchen! and I get to dictate wat the heck I want to do with it.

All of this is linked to the Kdrama, Fight My Way, because the characters went through something similar to what I am going through now, and I found it inspiring how they got through things and how happy they are. Also, just btw, the main characters are considered “not normal” in the society they live in, and there were a lot of lines emphasizing “Live the life you want to live. Don’t look at how others are living. Live the mainstream life that is for YOU”. So yeah :’) 

My Responses to your last post: - thank you for sharing me the thoughts and feelings about your age and how that plays into the relationships you have. I wouldn’t say I have personally experienced that. I am hyper conscious of age, but actually of when people are younger than me, rather than the other way around. It’s because I think about what I was like when I was at that age, and think of how different I was (even like now vs when I was 19). I didn’t know you did an art camp with 17 year olds when you were 12! That is quite the gap. I can see why you would want to hide your age. I know that when I was traveling, most people were older than me and they were usually surprised at my age when I told them, but I would get compliments for being mature for my age. I’d imagine the same would happen for you. It’s interesting how your mom wanted you to hang out with older folks to “improve” yourself, because you’re right, older folks can also be very immature... I mean, is your aunt (w/ the wechat name) someone you want to have mature conversations with? lol - I agree with your therapist that “responsibility” can be redefined. I lean more to the letting her stumble and make mistakes kind of responsibility, because she needs to grow up and see the world for what it really is to learn her lessons.

Aight, my turn to try to sleep. I hope to make it physically to work tomorrow! Because tbh I feel bad for missing so much of work this month. But I also could care less at this point... because of what I wrote about in this post lol.

- L