#how his brother projected his insecurities onto him

[sillysnack]

put saiki kusuo in bsd yokohama and the bsd cast will be questioning their whole lives.

[umbrellajamming]

#anyways trust me when i say that none of this is meant in a negative way because this is what i Like about them lmao

#forever thinking of the M/F fight where dick expects that tim will go alone with his line of thinking just because he says so #and is shocked when tim doesn't and instead has his own thoughts and feelings abt the matter #and babs has to tell him that tim isn't him & had a fundamentally different experience to him

#it's like hmmm very realistic to me #the way they do this to each other in a way that almost is depersonalizing but like isn't actually #it's more just that they understand each other so well most of the time that it's easy to forget that they're their own person #with their own thoughts and feelings

#like hm. there is something very realistically siblings about it in that #older siblings do tend to try and dominate the relationship with their thoughts and feelings because #their first memories are of being expected to lead their sibling and the sibling usually comes at a time when the older sib is v possessive #so the older sibling conceives the younger sibling as belonging to them and being kind of a hm extension of them vs their own person

#meanwhile the younger sibling has no knowledge of a life where the older sibling doesn't exist #and the younger sibling's experience is that of observation of the older sibling from basically the very first day of life #so the younger sibling will often see and perceive the older sibling in very interesting ways #they're always learning something with thay observation good or bad #and thus probably develop more instrinsic understanding than even the parents do #and conflict comes because each is their own person but it's hard to see them that way sometimes

#anyways there's also another thread where for dick it's hard to conceptualize tim's family of origin as real compared to them #but that's like mainly headcanon just know i'm right and it's interesting (tags via @scintillyyy)

can you really talk about tim's tendency to idolize and place dick on a pedestal and his semi-entitlement to understanding dick without also talking about dick's tendency to project his own feelings and insecurities onto tim and also his semi-entitlement to his right to try and micromanage how tim should feel and react about things. i, personally, cannot.

[shiraoyagi]

hot take ??

the only reason people say that "mafuyu and tsukasa have nothing in common" when presented with mafukasa parallels is because they equate mafuyu and tsukasa being similar to "tsukasa has depression" because the fandom equates mafuyu's personality to being depressed and nothing else.

it doesn't help that people (primarily younger people in the fandom) who DO believe in mafukasa parallels end up making the mistake of portraying tsukasa as depressed because as of right now he is not (although it's possible he was in past because of his Very Unclear Middle School Backstory but that's irrelevant)

anyways, mafuyu and tsukasa are narrative foils because their core personalities are built off of the concept of wanting to make the people around them— especially their families— happy.

they both developed personalities at a young age based on someone they looked up to. for tsukasa, it was seiichi amami's performance that inspired him to be a star— a hero that could cheer anyone up. for mafuyu, it was her mother taking care of her that inspired her to be a nurse— and you can see the similarities from there.

for mafuyu, her identity would first come into conflict when her mother expressed her want for mafuyu to be a doctor— suddenly, "everyone's" happiness didn't match what she wanted to do, leaving her in a state of disorder and eventual depression.

for tsukasa, his identity was something he nearly forgot in its entirety at the start of the main story— becoming arrogant and fully absorbed in a hero persona, forgetting the kind person he truly is. furthermore, his current character arc seems to be foreshadowing that what "being a star" to him is going to be called into question— maybe it is something more than just being the main character that saves everyone.

their insecurities are incredibly similar.

in mafuyu's first mixed, mafuyu feels insecure towards ichika because unlike ichika, she feels as if her lyrics have no genuine meaning to be expressed to other people— despite them being her very real feelings. this is brought up again in her second mixed as well.

in tsukasa's third focus event, something similar happens. when watching seiichi's performance, he thinks that his acting is "real" and feels inferior towards him, which is ironic because tsukasa has been method acting this whole time. when tsukasa is acting out rio or bartlett or really anyone at this point in the story, it's not just those characters— it's a reflection of his traumas.

just like mafuyu, tsukasa undermines his passions he's poured his feelings into because someone else's work is more genuine in his eyes.

now, then, foils have many similarities and parallels (and i could honestly list a lot more), but how i define them is that they usually have some kind of major branching difference that MAKES them foils.

for mafuyu and tsukasa it's pretty straightforward.

mafuyu's people pleasing behavior comes from external expectations and pressures— her mother's demands.

tsukasa's people pleasing behavior comes internally, from himself— if he can't meet his own standards, if he can't be the perfect big brother or the perfect star, then he is nothing.

and even then, there's some overlap.

tsukasa's behavior was indirectly encouraged by his mother praising him for being a "good big brother" over the phone instead of asking him if he was okay while home alone.

mafuyu's terrified to be herself around other people because she doesn't want to worry or bother them— she doesn't want to be a burden— and projects her mother's expectations onto them, not realizing that they would prefer the real mafuyu if they knew the truth.

and the concept of mafukasa being foils is most perfectly and blatantly portrayed in these two cards.

mafuyu, the marionette, sitting limp on the floor— puppeteered by her mother's demands and donning a mask to hide her true self.

tsukasa, the jester, standing above everything else— puppeteering silenced plushies— his feelings. he's not being completely honest with himself, and he doesn't even realize it.

mafuyu has cut her strings and ripped her mask in half. she has acknowledged her true feelings and expressed them to her mother, even if she had to run away in the end.

tsukasa has not yet cut his.

[silvercat-s]

You know what really gets me about Silco and Jinx? Silco had the potential to be the perfect father for Jinx.

Vander definitely loved Powder, don't get me wrong, but I don't think he truly understood her or knew how to parent her properly. She was too sensitive, too different from him. His tough love approach wouldn't work on her the way it did with Vi or the others, so he focused on parenting Vi and trusted her to parent Powder in return.

But Silco? Silco understood Jinx's insecurities. He recognized where her strengths and weaknesses lay, probably because he’s always felt like her—weak in comparison to his strong, fighter brother. He knew what it was like to feel inadequate. And he was surprisingly nurturing, affectionate and patient with her, which was exactly what a sensitive girl like her needed to really feel loved.

Unfortunately, all of this is tainted by the tragic foundation of their relationship. With Silco being such a traumatized and broken man that he would project all his fears and trauma onto her, becoming so fiercely possessive due to his abandonment issues that he isolated her from everyone else, which only worsened her mental state.

Not to mention the tragic circumstances in which they met, with Silco being indirectly responsible for her worst trauma in the first place

All of that breaks me when I think about it. it's a relationship that has so much love and affection in it, but it's based on such pain and corruption that it could never end in anything but tragedy.

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

Heyo! Got a question or two. (Or six-)

- Do you ship Mabifica? Or Dipcifica for that matter? I personally like the former more but I'm just imagining Bill's reaction to having to deal with the fact the girl who insulted Mabel is now dating her/her brother.

Actually, even if you ship neither, I just want his reaction the the Pine twins now being friends(?) With Paz.

Would he try to scare her off? Would he warm up to her?

(If you couldn't already tell, Pacifica is one of my favorite characters, just below Mabel.)

- Does Stan and Ford ever get as close as they did at the end of the show? I mean, Ford must be reeling, sure. But.. Do they ever get on that boat?

- Does Bill make an effort to reconcile with Ford? Even just a show of apology?

- And does Ford bond with the twins? Would he just see them as another thing Bill has tainted?

- Also. Are you planning to make fanfiction of this? Or a comic? Or any media that tells the story? It's now become an integral part of my life.

- Last one! What other bonding moments does Bill have with Wendy? We've got the bets, yeah. But is that all?

(I found your au an hour and a half ago, and I'm already this invested. That is absolutely amazing, considering I don't really latch on to things. (Thanks a lot, autism) I love the art, and I love the tidbits. If it ever gets too overwhelming, don't be afraid to take a breather!! ><)

Hello! I shall do my best to answer!

— I’m personally a Dipcifica enjoyer myself! I don’t see them getting together this summer, so it’s less of a dating thing, but Bill would be decent at recognising the signs of a crush forming thanks to Mabel exposure all summer. He’d be completely against it. He’s listing every reason why the Northwests suck to Dipper, all the times Pacifica has done something to make Mabel feel awful! He’s maybe a little dramatic about it, in true Bill fashion, and is taken aback when Mabel insists it’s okay.

Pacifica’s changing, they both say! Mabel fully intends to be Dipper’s wingman!

Bill finds that idea ridiculous. People don’t just change. Humans are known for staying the same once they’ve settled into their body — that’s just how it is.

Pacifica has proven to be the opposite of everything Bill has taught the twins, and so he sees the blooming friendship as a threat and doesn’t like it. It doesn’t help that it’s around the time his fear of changing is at an all time high, so he’s maybe projecting a little onto Pacifica.

He definitely tries to scare her off initially, and when that doesn’t work, he settles with threatening her should she ever make Mabel upset against. His threats are… very intense and it’s clear the issue runs deeper than just Pacifica. He really goes for her insecurities. Honestly, this may be one of his worst moments in front of the twins? Stan ends up having to intervene and try to figure out what’s going on in Bill’s head beyond just being protective over Mabel.

(Pacifica girl I am so sorry)

He doesn’t warm to her per se, not yet, as much as he learns to tolerate her sometimes being around. She does her best to avoid him anyhow.

— Still working out the exact details so I don’t have much to say right now, but yes, he does. A verbal apology from Bill is also kind of a big deal. Like Stan struggles saying Please, and Ford struggles saying thank you, Bill struggles saying sorry.

— Ford does bond with the twins! I think I mentioned in a post a bit ago that Dungeons Dungeons and more Dungeons is like a gateway for their relationship, and it helps Ford become more comfortable around them and vice versa. Though the general unease still lingers at times, Dipper starts to get comfortable asking him more and more questions about Gravity Falls, and Mabel knits him a few sweaters and tries to catch him up on all the pop culture he’s missed etc. Sometimes he snaps at them when he needs space, and he tends to hide behind Stan some days, but they do get to know this new Ford, and begin to get closer to him bit by bit before Summer ends.

I think he does see them as something Bill has tainted, but not in an irreversible way. If anything, it motivates him to try and get to know them more once the initial fear has settled, to try and re-instate himself as Ford Pines, and be their Great Uncle.

— I don’t plan on making a fic or a comic, mainly because I am busy right now and juggling a lot. It just isn’t something feasible for me and I notoriously don’t do well managing long projects. But, I am hoping to do art and maybe mini comics for it, once I defeat my art block and style crisis, perhaps some one-shots too if I can also defeat my eternal writers block. I’m honoured you think that way of it though!!

— They generally have a very positive relationship! Bill is seen as the cooler Stan by her friends, mainly because of the fact he doesn’t really act his age, and happily enables anything they want to do, and so whenever she needs something, she tends to go to him. (“No hard feelings Stan!”) And If Stan taught her how to shoplift, Bill probably taught her how to get away with murder, not that she’d really need that, the thought still counts. They also share similar music tastes, so when Bill’s around the shack, he’ll ask Wendy to blast some AC/DC while they work. He’s also taught her all the ways to get under Stan’s skin, because he knows for a fact she’ll use them.

I think this AU too, he’s the one who showed her the rooftop spot. He encouraged any form of rebelling against the system, even if that means slacking and getting Stan to shout at both of them.

Thank you so much!? That means a lot to hear and I hope you continue to enjoy it!! And I appreciate it, I’m trying to take it slow and answer whatever asks I can and when I can, to avoid getting overwhelmed.

[goodolddumbbanana]

There is something very funny that Nexus couldn't find anything bad to say about Sun except Sun has been haunted by many mistakes. I mean, if he truly wants, he can twist the knife more. (Sun is a coward, Sun is an idiot...) But no. He still has some hesitation when speaking about Sun, like even he doesn't believe what he said.

He is in denial. Refuses to accept that everyone cares about him and just throw it under the water. And he self projects all of it onto Earth.

The way Nexus asks Earth to join him, I think apart from the fact he deeply inside feels lonely, but also, he is jealous of Earth.

Why do they love her so much but hold so much expectancy on him? Compared to him, Earth is like a golden child. Sun isn't scared of her, Lunar trusts her, Solar gets soft around her, Monty is crazy about her.

Nexus wants to ruin her, he wants to make her just like himself. Because if Earth joins him, which means, he was right. The family is the problem, not him, never him.

Something very interesting about how he interacts with each member in the celestial family.

With Moon, he shows no mercy. He enjoyed torturing Moon, to prove himself is more superior than Moon. That he is the one who is better, that even with all the nasty shit he pulled, Moon is always the big bad guy. Moon's treatment is similar to Ruin, because from Nexus's perspective, they are both bringing a lot of pain for him.

With Solar, he mocks him when Solar decides not to join him. I think he admires Solar to some degree, so when he goes bad, he loves to humiliate Solar. Solar and Earth are both people who are desperately for love and approval, so he thinks he can just easily manipulate them to his side. Remember, right when Solar refuses to do what Nexus wants, Nexus calls him weak and pathetic and all. Because back then, Solar never refused him anything, solar is his yes man.

With Earth, he uses a lot of more manipulation. He self-projects himself on her, and when it didn't work, he called her dumb and said once again he will kill her.

He said Sun or Lunar or Monty they only use her, but actually, the only one who keeps asking her for therapy, the one who never actually hanging out with her anymore if not for the fact they want to ranting things out, it is Nexus, not lunar, not even Sun.

Earth comes to Sun a lot. She rants about things with him, she shares her insecurities with him as much as she shares with Solar. And only one person I didn't see her doing that with. Nexus. Nexus is the person who always needs her help, that she never can put her guard down. She always needs to be understandable and kind towards Nexus and the fact their interactions today are so much alike with how when Creator comes to her, making me feel sad.

The one who put her in such high expectations is Nexus. And both Creator and Nexus think they can just, manipulate Earth because she is always nice and wants to help people. They both think because she is desperate for love, that she will do anything. They both imply and rambling that the family she loves will end up leaving her when she has no use anymore when in fact, they are these people who use her a lot and drop her on high sight when she no longer shows any use.

And with Sun oh boy, it is a whole can of worms. Nexus hates him, he hates him with passion, seeing Sun making he throw up. But if he truly thinks that, why didn't Sun have the same treatment like Moon? Why does Nexus let Sun run around and just shut Sun down like he did with Moon? Why wasting time chasing him? And why didn't Nexus ask him to join Nexus?

Because he knows Sun, painfully. He knows his brother still loves him, still cares about him, but never, Sun would never agree with whatever he did and does.

That's why Nexus doesn't try to manipulate Sun like he manipulated Earth and Solar. Because he knows Sun might plead and beg, but for the family, there is nothing Sun would do. But He is not the family anymore, right?

So he yells at Sun, he chases around like a crying for help. Even in the cell, they are not talking much like how Earth and Nexus have talked. Because both of them are the same, immovable mountain. They both understand they are so stubborn, and nothing can change their opinion.

Do you see how much you hurt me? Do you even care?

Nexus with Sun like a child getting a tantrum and hit their mom, but still their hand keeps holding their mom's shirt. There is so much of everything between them, and there is no more word conflict yet can be approvable than hatred.

Sun is always the home for Nexus, but now when he doesn't want to go back to this hole anymore, where is he?

[abyssal-author-and-artist]

oh shit i just realized i forgot to post the trans dipper essay

oh well, better late than never!

Introducing - Why Mason "Dipper" Pines is Trans and Why that Matters - an essay I spent more time on than I did my actual college project today

Mason "Dipper" Pines from Gravity Falls is trans. Trans masculine, to be specific. Do I believe this was intentional? No. Do I believe that there's a seriously convincing case to be made? Fuck yes.

So first off, he's just like me frfr, which is pretty compelling in and of itself. But that's not enough for a whole essay, so we move onto our second point - character designs. Dipper is designed like, well, like every modern-era trans man I've ever drawn who isn't goth. The shorts, the one shirt in the one color, the absolute insecurity. He even does the hunch of the back! Also, I think I heard somewhere that the vest is to make his shoulders look broader, which I'm not entirely sure is canon but I am accepting this whole-heartedly. It's such a trans move of him. He's too young (and it's summer so it's too hot) to wear a dysphoria hoodie so he picked a vest. (I say too young because dysphoria hoodies usually cover your chest and Dipper and Mabel probably haven't hit puberty.)

The second part comes directly from science. According to this article, and many others, sex in identical twins is complicated, but most identical twins will be born the same sex. There are cases where this isn't true (which might be the case for Mabel and Dipper) or they might be fraternal, which is also pretty likely. However, looking at them when they were younger (and listening to their very similar voices), it's likely they were identical and both girls. That's not to say I dislike trans Mabel - every trans woman I draw dresses like her, so I do love her being trans as well and them hitting the age of like. 10. and swapping genders is incredibly funny and adorable to me.

So, we can't reliably use the aforementioned evidence, then, can we? After all, identical twins can be different sexes, although rare, and we don't have any proof they are identical beyond their visual (and when they were younger, audible) similarities. Well, first off, I'd say that's pretty compelling evidence already. In a cartoon, especially one as detailed and beautiful-looking as Gravity Falls (the art is good and I will die on this hill), visual language makes up for a lot. And Alex Hirsh has gone on record saying that he very much wanted Jason Ritter and Kristen Schaal for Dipper and Mabel respectively, to the point where he would have canceled the show if Kristen hadn't signed on, so I wholeheartedly believe every character (with the exception of Grenda and any other characters who had last minute va's picked) had their voice actors picked very specifically. I can't find whether Jason Ritter voiced younger Dipper, though, so that's a dead end.

Now, that's all well and good, but it's a lot of visual language, isn't it? Why don't we move into something more based in the writing itself?

So the first and most prominent example of Dipper being transgender is the episode Dipper vs Manliness. You know it, you probably have emotions on it, it's the episode where Dipper is trying his hardest to be a man's man. The episode was supposed to be about toxic masculinity and how to be a real man is to stick to your morals. It's a good lesson and in my opinion, holds up even in 2024. Pretty good. Does a great job of what it wants to do. Now, Dipper vs. Manliness has been dissected to hell and back already as a transgender allegory, so I'll keep this brief: the episode centers around Dipper being mocked for not being manly. While Mabel and Stan still see him as a man, albeit an effeminate one, it gets to Dipper. He proceeds to do anything to prove himself a real man. If viewed as a trans allegory, Mabel is teasing her brother and not realizing how deeply it actually hurts him (whether accidentally because she fails to realize how insecure he is over it or because she hasn't been there before, depending on how you want to headcanon it). As for Stan, I like to pretend he's supportive but regularly forgets Dipper was ever a girl, so he makes a serious slip up because of that (and/or he's regurgitating stuff said to him. That hits harder if you also headcanon trans Stan, which I am warming up to). Dipper proceeds to try and prove himself a man, crying when he takes even one more blow to his self esteem/sense of identity as a man, and eventually gets comfort from his family when they realize just how BADLY they messed him up. He is affirmed as a man and the episode ends. Everything that can be said, has been said - including that you don't have to act toxically masculine - or even masculine at all - to be a real man. Remember this part, it will be important later.

So, other trans moments for Dipper come a little sparser. Dipper vs. Manliness is the example for a good reason. But still, there's other moments. The short Voice Over from one of the short story compliation episodes is another one that's commonly referenced as a metaphor for voice dysphoria. Yes, Dipper's voice is cracking in ways common for a cis pre-teen boy his age, but the pitch and tone of his voice can also be seen as his more feminine voice peeking through. Taking the potion can be seen as taking testosterone or other hormones. Granted, this falls apart when you consider that Dipper is later discouraged from taking the potion, because that could be read as Dipper being discouraged from transitioning, but on the other side of the spectrum, it could be read as Dipper being affirmed as a real man despite his voice. From that perspective, his family prevents him from taking (possibly dangerous) homebrewed hrt. Also, the euphoria he gets when it does change his voice is just. Absolutely adorable.

Now, my favorite resource for Dipper acting trans is in the episode Headhunters. He's asking Manly Dan questions and Manly Dan calls Dipper a girl. And MAN the discomfort on Dipper's face. He immediately attempts to correct Manly Dan, but is shut down and the episode moves on. I think that for such a short moment, it does a good job of making Dipper seem trans, though. He is called a girl and feels extreme discomfort around it. He does not like being called a girl. He is not a girl. But he's not shocked or surprised or even really offended - he's resigned. He's used to being called a girl. Sure, he hates it, but he doesn't cry or scream or anything. Sounds to me like a trans man who's absurdly used to being misgendered but still hates it. That pain never goes away, but sometimes all you can do is flinch in discomfort, try to correct and move on, like the episode does.

For a (mostly humorous) video of more of Dipper acting trans, check out this video.

So I think we've made a pretty compelling point for Dipper Pines being trans masc here. Looks pretty good, yup, this is a great essay, let's wrap it up. Oh? What's that? The name of this essay?

Why Mason "Dipper" Pines is transgender and why that matters.

Well, let's dive into section two of this essay - why does Dipper being trans matter?

Someone could easily say it doesn't matter. Just fun fandom headcanons, that's it, wrap it up now. Nothing more to say. Dipper is trans and that's just a fun reading of his character.

But I don't think that's the case. I think that Dipper being trans means so much - to trans fans of the show, to fans who have never seen or spoken to trans people before, and to queer fans of Gravity Falls and similar shows. (I personally am a Steven Universe fan who really valued the representation there, so Gravity Falls and all it's queer coding means a lot to me.)

First and foremost, I'm not going to keep you in the dark as to why you're remembering my earlier point. As a recap, it was this: Dipper vs. Manliness, and by proxy, Gravity Falls as a whole, says that you don't have to be traditionally masculine to be a real man. For a show that spends a lot of time mocking a kid commonly headcanoned to be a trans man, that says a lot, and a lot of stuff I think more people need to hear.

You do not need to act like your gender to be your gender.

You do not need to present like your gender to be your gender.

You do not need to fit some rigid box that society enforces to be who you are.

If you are a man, you are a man, trans or cis, regardless of how you act. (And the same goes for women and nonbinary people! You don't have to fit a mold.)

You don't owe anyone anything.

You don't owe people masculinity. (Or femininity or androgyny for that matter.)

I think that's part of the reason Dipper vs. Manliness ages so well. Dipper reads as trans, especially to queer fans, and his story in that episode tells us that we don't have to be someone we're not for people to take us seriously as who we are. At the end of the day, the really masculine thing is staying true to you - a sentiment echoed and reversed in The Last Mabelcorn, where the most feminine thing you can do is to stay true to yourself. I can't find it right now, but I could swear that there's a That GF Fan video explaining my point a little better. The point is, there's nothing that makes you more of whatever your gender is than staying true to yourself.

Additionally, if Dipper really is trans and someone sees themself in him, that can help them explore their gender or explain it to other people. Young kids who have never interacted with trans people before can see Dipper and grow up to connect the dots - or grow up to have him crack their eggs.

I know I'm new to the fandom and I was already out before watching the show, but he really helped me explore my gender. I like dressing like him - he's very relatable, even though I'm old enough to be in college now. I see him as a very anxious, slightly paranoid trans kid, and I see a lot of myself in him. He has a lot of issues, and a lot of issues that aren't trans specific but definitely hit harder when you are trans. He makes me feel seen on a level that I never thought a cartoon character could do.

Honestly, here would be a good place to put a rant about representation in kids media - queer kids under the age of 12 exist and struggle. I liked a girl (before realizing I was trans) in fifth grade, so about 9 years old. There are kids who experiment with their gender when they're younger than that. We're here and we exist, and every single time a character in children's media is made and is prevalent, another kid is able to really see themself.

That's really the point of this section. Dipper is trans. That matters. People - mostly queer kids but people of all ages - see themselves in him. He's here and we see him as queer because it's validating. It feels so good to hear Stan affirm him at the end of Dipper vs. Manliness, because it proves that at the end of the day, you don't need to present as super masc or femme or androgynous to be who you are.

Gravity Falls, through coding Dipper as trans, sent a message:

You are seen. You are loved. You are valid.

Thank you for reading this all. Trans Dipper means a lot to me, and I love writing him and seeing him in general. I want more of him because Dipper being trans means the world to me.

I love you all. Have a wonderful day. Remember to stay true to yourself.

[sleepyjuice-juice]

So I don't hear too much talk on here about the Webtoon "Our Walk Home," but I just LOVE the way it handles perfectionism/people-pleasing and the big role that family dynamics play in yielding those tendencies. As a former major people-pleaser and perfectionist, dissecting Akihiko, Daiki, and their relationship to one another as brothers is an absolute must. Let's get into it, shall we?

Aki has mentioned that his older brother Daiki has done more to raise him than either of their parents (see episode 20). In his twenties, Daiki is a young, high-achieving and successful businessman. He also places an incredible amount of pressure on his younger brother to follow the same path.

I want to first analyze why Daiki acts this way.

It is more than likely that all the times Daiki has made comments on Aki like "Aren't you ashamed?" that those are all feelings that Daiki has felt. After all, it is obvious that while Daiki does not show his emotions much, he is just as afraid of failure as Aki. He's been projecting those insecurities onto Aki, and now Aki has inherited them.

From being so fiercely independent at such a young age, he was forced to grow up too fast, because he had to take care of his and his brothers' own lives with little to no help from the time he was literally a kid, himself. There was never room for him to breathe, of course he didn't have the space to mature emotionally. Obviously, the massive responsibility Daiki had to shoulder contributed to his fear of failure, but we don't know all the specifics. We hear him allude to his other family members - Akemi, Mom, Dad - when expressing that he didn't want Aki to "end up like... others." (episode 16).

Of course, not being able to rely on his family and being forced to grow up fast was a shortcut that came with a price: trust issues!!! 🎉🎉

Now he doesn't trust anyone else to take care of things, including Aki - so in a toxic brand of brotherly love, Daiki manipulates him so that Aki trusts his older brother's judgment more than his own. That way, Daiki can keep all his ducks in a row. That is how Daiki has learned to be reliable - he is excessively controlling in order to compensate for the lack of control he had over the environment he lived in as a kid.

Now, I do genuinely think Daiki loves his brother! Aki wouldn't look up to Daiki so much if he was cold to him 24/7, that would result in different issues for Aki (that might be worth exploring actually, but would have to be their own post). He really does care and wants him to succeed, it's just that in the process, he also internalizes Aki's "failures", letting it speak to his efficacy as a guardian and a person. That is why he is so insistent that Aki depends on him, only him. Since childhood, his definition of his own competence has been his independence, with an emphasis on his dependability.

And when you look at how this affects Aki, well... Aki has learned not to trust himself. He relies on extrinsic factors to measure his own worth, and it's not just his brother's validation anymore - it's everyone. Growing up, the love he received was conditional and based on his conformity, so every judgment made on anything he does becomes a judgment of his character. He hates himself because he was never shown that he deserves love even with his imperfections.

Aki's mask requires an exhausting amount of maintenance, and yet, that has become the standard - perfection is his status-quo, and people around him are always expecting him to meet it. Dependent on approval of others, he minimizes the parts of him that are harder to stomach, sacrifices honesty for digestibility. That's the only way he can be loved and be happy, right?

But the KICKER is that if the authentic parts of him can't be loved as they are, then no matter what success he reaches, Aki can never truly be happy with himself. And I mean, really think about it!! On the outside, Daiki is the picture of success, and yet, he's still so goddamn pressed about how his brother is living his life. Does that sound like someone who's found happiness? No!!!! Self love will always be intrinsic. Success won't be satisfying enough to either of them until they learn to work on what's going on inside.

Both Daiki and Aki will never escape their human depth, so even though "Our Walk Home" is Aki's recovery story, I really hope we get to see both of them heal. Daiki could use those years of growth he missed out on, but will he shed his ways in favor of approaching how his roots grew into a tremendous weed, drinking up all the life around it? Or will his stubborn reality prevail, leaving no room for Aki and Daiki to coexist in the spaces their realities overlap? Only time will tell. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[onejellyfishplease]

BEHOLD! my new TMNT iteration!

tmnt: Strained Eyes

In this iteration, much like rottmnt, all of the turtles have super powers. however, there is a little catch. while the rottmnt turtle's powers suit their soul, Strained Eye's turtles... don't.

(please ignore the fact that Mikey doesnt really look like a spotted pond turtle, i came up with the design first and had to find a turtle species second)

So! Mikeys powers basically allow him to cause every thing he touches to rot/decompose/desintergrate. he does have some control, but not reliably.

And though he is a good cook, there is a 50/50 chance that you will end up eating mouldy/rotten food. but all the other times it will be delicious.

he (obviously) has insecurities about touch, he is very aware that he could very easily kill someone with just one touch.

he can also grow mushrooms on command -he can also grow them on his shell which freaks out his brothers a lot.

also hes not actually blind in one eye! its mostly just cosmetic.

Up next we have Donnie! compared to Mieky hes a very brightly coloured boy!

his power is illusions! they can be incredibly lifelike. the problem is, These illusions can be permanent if Donnie doesnt dispel them, and sometimes are summoned only by his subconscious. So Donnie can struggle with figuring out if something is real or not.

The only senses his illusions cannot mimic are touch and smell (and taste) so he is usually extremely tactile, holding onto his brothers to assure himself that theyre real and not just a projection of his mind. he covers a lot of stuff in his lab (and his brothers) with strong smelling perfumes as well.

application wise- he uses his powers in tandem with his machines to make incredibly realistic looking androids. example: robot cat that looks like real cat. robot dragon that looks like REAL dragon, etc etc. he can also use them to appear human and turn invisible. (he can expand this to all his brothers) but he still hasnt gotten down the art of human expressions, so when ever he appears human he looks quite uncanny when he talks.

It's Leo!!

now Leo is ~battery powered~ his powers basically allow him to absorb energy straight from the source, such as absorbing the electricity off of an electric wire, or even sucking the energy from a person. or eating batteries.

an unfortunate side affect (depending on how you look at it) is that Leo doesnt need to sleep. ever. as long as he keeps absorbing energy then he's completely fine! and the more electricity/energy he absorbs the faster/stronger he gets! he also thinks faster! coming up with excellent strategies on the fly!

however- the same is true of the other way around, when Leo runs out of energy (which he does often- hes VERY bad at judging how much he has left) he will start to get more lethargic, his cognitive funtions will slow down and his short term memory will start to degrade.

If he completly runs out of energy his heart stops and he dies.

but dont worry! you just need to zap him with more energy and hell get right back up again (Donnie has a defibrillator just for Leo). though its best not to leave him in that state for long. because like that he is still functionally a dead body.

And finally we have Raph!

Raph breaths fire. a very simple power, in fact he can even hold his breath for hours apon end and his skin is extremely tough! theres basically no side effects too!

Hes so lucky compared to his brothers, having a power that suits him perfectly and doesnt mess him up in the head.

because of this, Raph has kinda moulded himself into the hyper aggressive mom friend, making sure they dont all run themselves into the ground because of the drawbacks to their powers.

he still has anger issues too <3

[pianokantzart]

Something I love about the Mario movie is how is basically squashed any kind of ideas of Luigi being jealous of Mario from the get go that fans have come up/theorized throughout the years.

The whole “Luigi is jealous and tired of living in Mario’s shadow” has no leg to stand on when it comes to this movie.

In fact, Luigi is actively the one singing praises towards Mario, he knows that his brother dreams big and has a big heart, he knows his brother is amazing and he loves him for that.

Does he have low self esteem? Absolutely. But there is absolutely not a single bit of jealousy/envy towards Mario, Luigi loves and adores him far too much to ever be jealous and angry at Mario, someone who means the absolute world to him.

Oh don't you get me started.

Too late, I’ve gotten started. YOU ARE SO RIGHT. The movie did to theories that Luigi's “bitter and jealous” what it did to theories that Mario’s an antisocial asshat.

There are two things I can point to that are to blame for the theories that Luigi is bitter and jealous:

The description of his Negative Zone final smash from Super Smash Bros. Brawl:

"Luigi's final smash. As exotic music plays, he performs a dance befitting a sorcerous incantation. A barrier envelopes him, negatively impacting all in his area. Random effects include getting launched, sleeping, moving in slow motion, tripping, fainting, and losing attack power. This technique is a reflection of the dark side he embraced in his brother's shadow."

2. His characterization in Paper Mario

But there’s like… almost 40 years of games to glean from. You can literally pick and choose whatever you want to form any sort of theory (like a certain internet man did when arguing that Mario is an animal abusing sociopath). But 99% of the games show about as much evidence that Luigi is bitter as they do that Mario is a bad person– none at all. Quite the opposite, in fact.

As for Paper Mario, it's the only time Luigi is directly characterized as envious... NOT jealous. He still loves his brother and sees him as worthy of the praise he gets, but he feels bad being stuck at home, and desperately wants to be brought along for the adventure– to have his opportunity in the limelight. But Paper Mario is kind of its own thing, established to be a separate universe from the mainline Mario games. In the Super Mario Brothers RPGs– which delve deeper into the bros character while remaining more aligned with the classic "canon"– the dynamic is quite the opposite! Mario dives headfirst into danger while Luigi desperately avoids it unless there is no other choice. In Super Mario Brothers Superstar Saga he tries his darndest to not be taken along for the adventure, confident that his brother can handle the task.

But one consistent across the Mario games is Luigi being the underdog of all underdogs; unlucky and clumsy, the butt of the joke, and constantly undermined. Naturally this causes people to get defensive of him– get angry for him, and project their feelings onto the character himself.

But tHEN WE HAVE THE MOVIE!!!!

Nintendo is given a chance to craft Mario and Luigi into fully fleshed-out characters with motivations and backstories, not just plucky videogame personalities for people to project themselves into, and boy oh BOY did they knock it out of the park.

While Mario is still a headstrong hero with a never-say-die attitude and a heart of gold, everything he does is for his brother. Mario has insecurities about feeling small and wants to prove himself to his father, but in the end his love for Luigi is his main motivator. Mario can handle being threatened, made fun of, and told he’s crazy, but if you want to truly hurt him, tell him his actions are hurting his brother. Try hurting Luigi directly, and Mario will tear you a new one.

In return, everything Luigi does is for Mario! Lu’s not the willful ball of determination and gusto that his brother is– he has always been nervous, softhearted, and sensitive, which is why he lets his brother lead the way. Luigi’s not living in Mario’s shadow, he’s thriving off of his confidence! He recognizes Mario as his best friend and greatest source of strength, and will follow him absolutely anywhere.

There is no sense of Mario being treated like the beloved star of the show while Luigi gets the short end of the stick. They are both downtrodden, both learning, and both dependent on each other. It's not just Super Mario, it's the Super Mario Brothers, who equally inspire each other to be the best version of themselves.

[soybento]

So. Here's the Thing. The drama SEVERELY changed parts of the MDZS novel. Enough that Wei Wuxian's character AND as a result (off the top of my head), Jin Guangyao, Madam Yu, Jiang Cheng and even Su She's character. This is going to be a whole thesis so here we go.

Let's start with one of the largest topics of debate in the fandom, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, and specifically Wei Wuxian's position in the Jiang Clan and the heat about Jiang Cheng's actions. In the novel, Yu Furen doesn't like him for her husband's preference of Wei Wuxian over Jiang Cheng (this is the same in the drama) and his supposed previous love interest, Wei Wuxian's mother (debated, ambiguous). Added to this is Wei Wuxian's ambiguous position in the clan. Jiang Fengmian never specifies what his rank/position is (as other people have pointed out) and as a result, all the Jiang Clan members kind of...have their own relationship w/ him courtesy of their own projections. For example, Yanli's relationship with Wei Wuxian is the simplest, mostly because she's the daughter, not a strong cultivator and is destined to eventually leave the Jiang Clan. She chooses him as her brother. For everybody else? It's a lot more complicated. Yu Furen (understandably if not justifiably) does not want to treat Wei Wuxian as her own son (aforementioned reasons). She sees him as a threat to her son's right of inheritance and also, doesn't trust the origin of his birth. This is definitely Jiang Fengmian's fault since he took in his servant's son but also not exactly since it's complicated by their close friendship and his unreciprocated feelings for Cangse Sanren. Consequently, Yu Ziyuan projects her insecurities not only on Wei Wuxian but also Jiang Cheng (we know this) and constantly compares the two of them. She wants her son to be better.

Jiang Cheng is a product of his parents and sister's relationship w/ Wei Wuxian but what I think the drama changes is the fact that Jiang Cheng cares for Wei Wuxian as a *martial brother* and a future right hand man. He gets the brother stuff because his sister has loved Wei Wuxian as her didi, he gets the firm ideas of Wei Wuxian's future position in the Jiang Clan from his mother (and also the lack of denial from Jiang Fengmian himself). He doesn't see Wei Wuxian as a brother *only*. Instead, he partially projects duty and destiny onto him because of how they were raised. This is why I don't think it was wrong of him to refuse to take in the Wen Remnants. He had a duty to the Jiang Clan that he chose to prioritize to keep himself out of the political tension that Wei Wuxian was in the center of. He didn't see it as disowning a brother but as a strategic withdrawal from the situation for his sect. Say what you will about him but I don't believe that he's unjustified in wanting to ensure the safety of his Sect (especially as clan leader). Growing up, Jiang Cheng did get a lot of conflicting opinions on his own worth. He fell short in almost all his relationships because he would approach Wei Wuxian w/ the anger and competitiveness his mother expected of him only to disappoint his sister who expected them to be siblings in the truest sense of the word. He disappointed his mother because he *did* see Wei Wuxian as more than just his fellow disciple, not just a future servant. He didn't disappoint his father but his father never made his affection for Jiang Cheng clear and this lack of communication led him to draw his own conclusions on Jiang Fengmian's preferences.

My issue with the drama is that much of this is not clearly defined or explained. He is villainized for his eventual estrangement with Wei Wuxian because we're operating from the assumption that his feelings for Wei Wuxian *are* of the sibling kind and not the messy duty vs martial brother type. His position is understandable after reading more of the novel. Plus all the changes about the siege led by him (which I'll talk abt) and Nightless City and the Qiongqi Pathway Ambush and him rejecting the Wen Remnants. And the ending at Guanyin Temple makes sense. Wei Wuxian is released from his commitments to the Jiang Clan and that is the kindest thing Jiang Cheng could do for him (again, others have pointed this out, I'm simply reiterating it). Because Wei Wuxian *does* care for Jiang Cheng as a brother but his feelings for him are also complicated by duty and obligation to the Jiang Clan and dealing w/ the complicated myriad of expectations from the Jiang family. That and less of him being a brother is what leads Jiang Cheng to think Wei Wuxian betrayed him. It's like he betrayed his duty to the Jiang Clan and not just their brotherly commitments.

Now coming to the second point, it's the drama's portrayal of Wei Wuxian as a martyr. And he can be but he's so much more complex than that. To start with, I believe his character would not have endeared himself to me as much if I hadn't started with the drama but now, I enjoy the complexity of the novel Wei Wuxian more. For example, novel villains Su She and Jin Guangyao are a lot more complex than portrayed in the drama. Because the drama kind of made them scapegoats (ironic as they portray Wei Wuxian that way) for Wei Wuxian's continued innocence. The Ambush at the Qiongqi Path is so much more complex than in the drama. Jin Guangyao *does* set it up and Su She curses Jin Zixun out of spite and Wei Wuxian *is* wrongfully cornered. But he also loses control of Wen Ning and accidentally kills Jin Zixuan all because he loses control of his emotions. I won't comment on whether this is right or wrong because Wei Wuxian was cornered. He was fighting his way out of an ambush. He made mistakes like escalating the situation by antagonizing Jin Zixun, not believing Jin Zixuan wanted to help him, and not calling off Wen Ning when asked to by Jin Zixuan (because he believed he'd be shot by the archers) and accusing Jin Zixuan of working w/ Jin Zixun to ambush him. By taking away these mistakes in the drama, it takes away the complexity of the situation and what the choices say about him. Jin Guangyao did not intend for Jin Zixuan and Wei Wuxian's confrontation to end the way it did. He wanted to put Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun against each other in the novel (correct me if I'm wrong tho). He isn't innocent of course but his motivations make more sense than him just killing Wei Wuxian on behalf of his father with no deeper mechanations at play.

Secondly, the battle at the Nightless City. In the drama (and possibly in the novel but this isn't confirmed) he commits suicide but the timeline is important. He does lose control of his puppets in Nightless City and making Jin Guangyao the scapegoat for his loss of control *again* simplifies his character as someone that can do no wrong and is hopelessly plotted against by the rest of the world. The puppet that hurts Yanli (not fatally) is one that Wei Wuxian has lost control of and not one that's been controlled by Guangyao or Xue Yang or Su She. She sacrifices herself to save him and he *then* slaughters the rest. After he finds that Wen Ning and Wen Qing have died and they plan on leading a siege on the rest of the Wens, he raises the corpses and loses control and accidentally hurts Yanli who asks him to stop. He tries, she dies, and then he slaughters a bunch of people.

And in the novel, there are a few months between the Nightless City Massacre and his death. He defends the Wens from the siege led by Jiang Cheng (and *this* is the siege that he leads which makes MUCH more sense than the siege he supposedly led in Nightless City as shown in the drama) and when they die and he realizes he's going to lose, he kills himself (probably out of guilt?).

The implications of this are major. His sister's death doesn't push him into suicide, it pushes him into war (and Wen Qing and Wen Ning's death). It's the wtf this is a lost cause I'm fucked and everyone I wanted to protect is dead that eventually pushes him into death.

Looking at this from Jiang Cheng's perspective things make a lot more sense. He is under the (almost rightful?) assumption that Wei Wuxian lost control and killed Jin Zixuan (also Jin Zixun but lol fuck that guy). He is also not clear on the details of the ambush and while we don't know this, is given the same explanation for the ambush as everyone else. That Wei Wuxian cursed Jin Zixun. And Wei Wuxian does say that if he killed Jin Zixun he'd do it a thousand times better (worse). Following this, Jiang Cheng's sister is hurt and while her actual death is a choice that she makes, he blames Wei Wuxian for it.

I won't deny that Jiang Cheng is morally ambiguous but so is Wei Wuxian and so is Jin Guangyao and Su She. The drama is almost a softer, nicer version of the novel where the protagonist is the hero and not just the person whose perspective we're getting. But in doing so, Su She, Jin Guangyao and Jiang Cheng's character are changed to fit the narrative.

What the drama also doesn't get across is that demonic cultivation isn't a good idea!!! Lan Qiren, as much as I dislike him for his rules or whatever, did have a point. It goes against the natural order of things, there's a reason why demonic cultivation should not be taught and why Wei Wuxian never took in disciples. It would result in cultivators like Xue Yang. When drama says that Jiang Cheng was hunting and killing off demonic cultivators because he hated Wei Wuxian, it takes away from the fact that demonic cultivation does actually harm the body and soul! It does in fact require human sacrifices! Just because Wei Wuxian didn't use any does not mean that the others won't! Jiang Cheng is sure to have had a personal motivation but fanon misses that those accounts have been of the crowd and the cultivation world, not from Jiang Cheng directly. His killing of the demonic cultivators was likely not as simple as fuck that guy, I hate everyone like him.

Finally, Yanli. Surprised? I have a lot of thoughts on her though so I'm gonna have to keep going. She's at the centre of the storm and also severely sidelined. She's a motif and she's a character fighting to make choices that the world does not allow women and especially women that aren't cultivators. I think thinking of the story from *her* perspective (novel or canon) makes my appreciation for her even deeper. She is, despite Wei Wuxian's perception of her, a flawed character. But she's flawed in the same way everyone else is. She grows up in a volatile family and her mother doesn't share her sentiments but she chooses to love Wei Wuxian as a brother. Although she means well, this brings about a conflict of interest for Jiang Cheng. She's perceived as this all forgiving character by Wei Wuxian and it makes sense, we're looking at his POV *but* it takes away from the fact that she consciously chooses to be that way. I think her character brings about some very interesting ideas in society about womanhood and specifically motherhood. Her role in Wei Wuxian's life is more motherly than it is sisterly and thus, her sacrifices are almost expected. What comes to mind is that her feelings on things really aren't considered. Remember when Jiang Cheng lost his golden core? Wei Wuxian comes in and he sits across from her and he tells her that this is all his fault. She's dealing w/ the loss of her parents, her brother's sudden injury and her worry over Wei Wuxian. But she's gotta tell him gently that no, that's not true. In reality, this isn't ABOUT Wei wuxian. His continued insistence that things are his fault does bring about a degree of self centeredness because it takes away from where his attention should be. After he kills her husband, his focus is on his own guilt over his actions but less on her pain (I'm not condemning him, I'm just pointing it out). Being a martyr (as depicted in the drama not the novel as much) is incredibly selfless but also incredibly selfish. When the audience doesn't see this, Jiang Yanli's actions almost seem expected. Of course she's gotta see him for the person that he is and know that he didn't mean it etc. But these expectations take away from the very real choices she makes to continue to forgive and love and forgive. She does this with Jin Zixuan and although from Wei Wuxian's perspective, he sees it as she's too nice and kind and forgiving, it takes away from the fact that she *CHOOSES* to forgive him and it doesn't just happen as a part of her character profile. Being kind is a choice, not a personality trait. Being nice and agreeable and open etc can be personality. but altruism? That shit is where the credit is due.

The narrative does minimize her (I'm not sure if this is intentional) by making her an accessory to Wei Wuxian's development. She's sidelined during important moments like the war, the rebuilding of Lotus Pier, even the times that their parents die. She steps in when Wei Wuxian or Jiang Cheng need help or a guiding hand. She steps away when the story has to focus on other conflict. She could've easily turned against Wei Wuxian for killing her husband but she chooses to see him again and later, die for him. Jiang Cheng uses her in his own way, and so does Wei Wuxian. I do not particularly mean this as a criticism but I think it's worth noting that Jiang Yanli was a traditionally feminine character whose strength was a very conscious choice on her part and is not more or less than if she had chosen to go into war w/ the rest of them. If she didn't hold back on so many things like not protesting her engagement, playing a supporting role and staying in the background for much of the narrative until the death of her husband pushes her into the spotlight, waiting for her brothers to get back from war, waiting for Wei Wuxian to tell her what's wrong when he comes to Lotus Pier and fights w/ Jiang Cheng and seems to, supposedly, not want to be there, the story would've been different. Idk different how but definitely different. She chooses not to take up space and thus, narrative attention. She doesn't push, and she doesn't demand, and she defends quietly. I think that's why traditionally feminine characters are kind of a double edged sword when perceived. Are these qualities inherent? If yes, then they're taken for granted and...minimized. Are they chosen? If yes, then it begs the question of what a traditionally feminine character is at all. Sacrifice, standing back to let other people shine, being quiet and letting other people's actions (even those that you love) control what happens in your life. I cannot imagine that these are traits that someone is simply born with and thus, give Jiang Yanli credit because she chose to be that way!!

Ending this with, I don't believe there's a wrong medium with better or worse portrayals of the characters. I think I like the drama for some of its kinder aspects and the novel for its complexity. I just think it's important to note that Wei Wuxian is more than a martyr, Jiang Cheng more than his brother (he's in his own right a sect leader and plays an important role outside of his relation to Wei Wuxian) and Jiang Yanli more than a mother figure. And we love Lan Wangji ofc, sorry he didn't get a mention. Give more thought to characters like Jin Guangyao and Su She (yes Ik ik) and Xue Yang as portrayed in the novel. There's a theme here of classism that I don't think is appreciated enough.

The very point of this post is not to condemn or acquit any of the characters. It's just to point out how none of them are black and white.

That's it for now and I hope I didn't forget/mistake any of the details in the drama or novel!!

[toyota12]

Gravity Falls Parallels: Stanley and Stanford Pines

To start off, aside from the similar names, both these characters endured great hardships in the 30 years before the events of the show took place.

Similarities

Both of these characters more or less project their insecurities onto the younger Pines twins, are both insensitive to each others' each interests, and have a lot of pride about themselves as individuals. However, both also care deeply about the younger twins' safety, and are willing to show their more softer sides around them. Furthermore, while both primarily connect more with the younger twin who (on the surface level) identifies with them the most, they also deeply care about the other as well. In A Tale of Two Stans, both also omit important information in their stories, such as Stan, with being homeless and Ford, with his history with Bill. Both are also easily deceived by anyone who pretends to show them the slightest amount of affection or kinship (like Stan with Darlene and Ford with Bill), and finally both were social outcasts when they were younger.

Differences

Stanley

Stan is more emotional than Ford is and is thought to be both and idiot and screw-up by most, including his father. Though he puts on a facade of being emotionally distant, others can see through it very easily. He was also somewhat clingy with his twin brother, believing he couldn't make it without him and still holding onto the idea that they could eventually travel the world together, even after Ford showed interest in a school that valued his intellect. Due to these factors, and showing more concern with his plans for the future rather than thinking about Ford after he unintentionally costs Ford his dream college, Stan is disowned by the whole family for over 10 years, and is left unable to provide for himself, becoming a criminal in the process. However, this (and his history of lying and cheating) led to Stan becoming an excellent scam artist who had to create fake aliases for himself to sell his material to anyone gullible to buy from him. This also helped him not only sell his merchandise under Ford's name when the latter was accidentally pushed into the portal, but also hide Ford's portal and ward off suspicion it and the real Stanford's whereabouts for 30 years, which demonstrates a level of cunning on Stan's part. After seeing how his feud with Ford has endangered the younger Pines twins, he convinces Ford find an alternative way to defeat Bill without giving into the latter's demands, even if to save the kids. Both because he doesn’t trust Bill to keep his word to leave Dipper and Mabel alone and how he knows that giving into Bill's demands could put the whole world at risk, which helps him see things from Ford's perspective as well.

Stanford

Ford is more intellectually gifted than Stan, and was considered the favorite of the Stan twins by his father. In spite of being not being one to act on his emotions, Ford is more open about his than Stan is. Due to this he takes, pride in his accomplishments and immediately jumps on the offer to go to a highly prestigious college, not showing much concern in Stan beginning to feel left behind. He had also come to view his relationship with Stan as suffocating by this point. Because of this, when Stan unintentionally sabotages his science fair experiment (and admitedly shows little concern over this), he accuses Stan of doing so intentionally and doesn't protest to Stan being disowned by the whole family. Both because he was born with an extra finger and his high IQ, Ford began to think of himself as someone with a greater purpose, which in turn led him becoming incredibly arrogant. This is exploited by Bill, who tricks Ford into building a gateway for the former to enter through. Ford is later sucked into said portal after treating Stan like his errand boy who Ford expected to hide his first journal without protest, or considering Stan's feelings. This demonstrates how, much like Bill (although unintentionally) Ford viewed others as tools to further his own agenda. While still problematic in present day, he is becoming more considerate of others' feelings, allowing Stan to stay to tend to Dipper and Mabel, and expressing concern at the revelation that Mabel didn't take his apprenticeship offer to Dipper well. He fully grows willing to take his family into consideration after seeing how his feud with Stan has endangered the younger twins, working with Stan to save them and finally accepting how damaging his idea of being a lone hero is, realizing that Stan has to be the one to sacrifice his memories to put an end to Bill, and not him.

[crazylittlejester]

I can ask you for some wars fix recs plz

I don’t read a whole lot of fanfiction because i just don’t have time or energy these days to actually read. BUT!! I can point you in the direction of people i know who write wars fics/wars fics i have read and remember lmao (people who see this feel free to comment or reblog with fic recs 🫶) click the underlined shit for links, and my apologies in advance for tagging every single person who wrote a wars fic i read in the past 4 months 🧍‍♂️

- i have 35 fics on my ao3 (Can_Opener) tagged with “Wars centric”. i primarily write Wars stuff, tho all of my fics are currently locked and are only visible to registered users because FUCK ai. I’ll make em public again once the ai thing ain’t an issue anymore, but for now they’re only visible to registered users

- Something Is Better Than Nothing (Try) by @rosadon3, summary: "He sat down and pulled the orange from his bag, running his hands over the skin, twisting it around so he could check every inch. It was safe. It was always safe. Why did he have to worry so much?" It's "projecting my insecurities onto my blorbos" hours.

- Yellow Potion by @gryphonlover, summary: Warriors struggles with eating enough food and drinking enough water for a variety of reasons, which has the unfortunate result of causing him to feel faint and sometimes even pass out. Good thing his brothers have his back.

- @catreginae has a fic where Wars is a vampire which I’ve been MEANING to read because it sounds cool as FUCK but I haven’t yet, but Wars angst writers support Wars angst writers so here is a link to the fic Thou Shalt Not Fall, and here is a link to their ao3

- @hyruledwarriorr has some good stuff, here’s a link to their ao3. He’s got a couple fics posted, some modern au stuff where Wars is a language teacher if I’m remembering right? and other good fics. I haven’t read em all yet but i enjoyed the ones I did!

- @maaarsbaars also has two wars fics that I’ve read, THIS ONE about Wars and PTSD, and THIS ONE where Wars has a feeding tube. here’s a link to their ao3

- and then there’s Numbered by @elle-rosewater which was absolutely FUCKING devastating and i threw my phone across the room at the end and had to stare at the wall for a bit to fucking recover. If you like plot twists, by GOD is this the fucking fic for you, i had to call my fiancee at like 10 pm and scream about it to them because i didn’t know what else to do with myself 😭 11/10 fic, will read again when I have the mental strength to go through it again KNOWING how it ends. AND IT’S PART OF A SERIES?? I BELIEVE?? anyways this is the summary: Some years after the end of the nine-hero adventure, Time was offered the chance to visit Warriors again. There was no way he was going to turn that down, no matter how odd the circumstances were.

thats all i can remember for right now, there are some good ones im remembering the plot of but not the actual titles, but hopefully people see this and can give you even more fic recs!!

[fizzigigsimmer]

This has been nibbling at me for days, but "Billy's Fantasy Girl" is such a weird awkward as fuck inclusion in the VR game. Allowing for the fact that I am not male, and I do not know for certain how the average hetero dude is conceptualizing their existence and processing their deepest desires and insecurities, but it just feels incredibly clunky and odd that Vecna is filtering Billy's weaknesses through a female of no face and name.

Do men project their weaknesses onto their partners and search for meaning within their relationships just as much as women do? Abso-fucking-lutely. My issue is not with Billy's Fantasy Girl's existence within his psyche, but with how she exists and why she exists. FG exists to reveal to the audience something about Billy. Several things, in truth. One of them, quite deftly, that Billy has all the insecurities of a budding abuser himself. His fantasy woman is someone so broken and desperate that she will put him first in everything, because he's the only one or thing that can make her feel like she has any kind of value or presence in the world (because that's how he feels). And before anyone climbs down my throat about it, lets just all agree that this is the bed soil of many a toxic relationship.

Because Billy is never going to find that, the resentment/pain/frustration will continue to build and it is likely he will seek to control his partners in the future and try to force them into the shape he needs - keep them locked in the trunk and by his side. We see the seeds of this developing in the canon with him and Max. He cares about her whether he's accepted that or not, and when she steps outside the box or does things that put her or him in harms way he lashes out.

The second thing FG exists to do of course is flip the script and show us just how broken Billy is. How worthless and desperate he feels, because he is a victim right now. More important than any potential abuse he could visit on some imaginary girlfriend or wife of the future is the abuse Billy has suffered and is suffering right now, which has made him the perfect target for The Mind Flayer - an abuser, who has literally come along to tell Billy that he's seen, understood, and he can have everything he wants if he just literally gives up control of his self and devotes himself to the monster and his monstrous desires.

All of that tracks, and is frankly the kind of deep exploration of trauma cycles that the Duffer Brothers failed to do. My issue with it is that there were much cleaner ways to make the same points, without filtering Billy through a female lens. Choosing to focus on a female and filter Billy through that female is what we call A Choice. They did not need to do it, and in just about every way there were easier ways to get the same points across without risking loosing less media literate players in the muddy waters of nuance, metaphor, and symbolism.

We could have seen Billy filtered through the eyes of the wounded child again. Vecna could have promised him a picture perfect family, like maybe his mom never left, or maybe he gets to punish her for leaving and Neil for being a piece of shit. IDK there are just dozens and dozens of ways they could have shown us he is love starved and just as desperate to give up control as he is to control his world, without literally forcing the audience to imagine a female and then saying - this is Billy btw. LOL like, y'all don't understand. Choices were made.

[hyunfilms]

blue side of the sky (lmh) | seven.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: waking up after 3 months with no recollection of your past, your friends do what they can to help you remember. except, they omit an important piece to the puzzle - afraid you would remember the heartbreak and hurt all over again.

—pairing: lee know x f. reader

—genre: (18+) exes to lovers, bestfriends to lovers au | fluff, angst, (eventual) smut

—word count: 3.8k

—chapter warnings: cussing/mature language, wedding time for yuna!! aka weekend getaway for the group!, overthinking/some insecurities, alcohol consumption (not by oc), playful moments between chan, jisung and seungmin, oc has a cute, mini heart-to-heart with seungmin, flashback at the end - crying, another core memory for minho

♡ a/n: more happens btwn oc and minho next chapter (and beyond), i promise! lol and i know everyone is dying for someone to tell the truth!! i also promise that will happen.. soon... in time. 😬 hehe ty for sticking along on this ride 🥺

"Everything okay?" Seungmin looks at you as you stand and study the hotel in front of you. You look at him as he gently smiles, Chan and Jisung taking care of all the belongings in the background.

"Mhm." You respond. Your eyes shift down to the arm he props out, signaling for you to hold onto it before following Chan and Jisung inside. You softly chuckle and grab onto his arm, letting him lead you into the lobby.

As Jisung mentioned, both the wedding and reception were going to take place in the garden area of the oceanside hotel. Jisung, of course, needed to be here a day before the wedding for the rehearsal. Upon entering the lobby, you see him and Chan greeting his parents, with Yuna and Yeong-Su following behind. Their eyes all shift to you and Seungmin as you get closer, Jisung's mom the first to approach you and gently take you into her arms.

"My babygirl." She says. You embrace her and hug her tightly, being that Jisung's parents were just like your own. They've popped in to check on you at the hospital and a few times post-release. You can tell they're also trying to keep it safe around you, almost like you're fragile— need to be handled with care. "I'm so happy you're here." She pulls away, cupping your cheek. "Are you doing okay?" You nod.

"I'm okay." You verbally respond just as Jisung's father is pulling you in for a hug.

"Your uncle couldn't make it?" You shake your head.

"No, he's working on a big project right now. He sends his regards, though." You make a mental note to call your Uncle Adrian later just to let him know you've made it safely. Being that he owned his own construction company, he was always on the go and working on projects around town. He was reliable, someone known for his kindness and trustworthiness. People always wanted him to be handling their projects or needs. You don't blame them— he was your mom's brother and he reminded you of her in so, so many ways. You were grateful for him and for the many ways he has provided and kept you safe, protected. You're especially grateful to have him because if you weren't going to have mom here, you at least had him— a piece of her. They shared the same attitude, values, the same gracefulness.

Both angelic and gentle.

"Well, you let us know if you need anything. Especially if he starts working up your nerves." Jisung's dad nods towards him.

"I will." You chuckle.

"Y/N." Yuna pokes out her bottom lip as she comes to embrace you. "God, it's so nice to see you and hug you. I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too."

"Thank you for coming. Seriously. I know it's a lot, but it means so much to me that you're here." She looks at you.

"I'm glad I'm here." You smile at Yeong-Su and greet him. "How can I help right now?"

"No, no. Don't you dare lift a finger. We have people taking care of everything. I just want you to relax and enjoy yourself while you're here, okay?" Yuna hangs onto your arm. "I can't believe it's here already."

"Time flies by."

"Sure does." Yuna leans her head against your shoulder. "I hope it all goes to plan."

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine, and it'll all be amazing. You'll look so, so beautiful walking down that aisle and I can't wait to witness that moment." Yuna smiles at you. Although you can't recall the moments you've spent with Jisung's family or Yuna in general, her aura is comforting. She's special to you, and you to her— that seeing her only confirms that fact that she has been someone dear and close to you. It's easy to talk to her like this, as if your body was working with its muscle memory. Though, you wish you could look back at those moments and cherish them instead.

"Thank you." There's a slight hint of worry in her eyes when she looks at you, when they all look at you, and it's a clear sign that they too, are walking on eggshells around you. Fragile, sensitive, afraid you'd crack and break into pieces any moment.

These times were trying, and you hated it when people looked at you that way. You have to constantly reassure yourself that people cared. Maybe even a bit too much, but they cared.

They believe in you, Y/N.

You aren't lost, Y/N.

That's not what this is.

"If you need me or anything at all, don't you ever hesitate to let me know. Okay?"

"Okay. Don't worry Yuna. This weekend is all about you and Yeong-Su, alright? It'll be great." She nods happily.

"Sorry to bother. Need to borrow my bestfriend so I can show her to the room?" Jisung steps in and Yuna rolls her eyes.

"You're always so selfish with her, you know that?" He scoffs.

"Woah, I'm literally just taking her to the room!"

"Share sometimes." She continues to playfully argue with him before returning her attention to you. "Get some rest. Enjoy yourself. I'll see you tonight for dinner." She squeezes your hand before reuniting with Yeong-Su and Jisung's parents.

"Ready? We're on the fourth floor." He has his duffle bag strap over one shoulder, while carrying your weekender bag by the hand. He gives you a small smile, eyes darting back to Chan and Seungmin walking ahead towards the elevator. "We're sharing a room with two beds, and Chan and Seungmin are in the connecting room. Is that okay?"

"Mhm, that's fine." You follow the three boys into the elevator. "Where's Minho going to be?" Chan and Seungmin look at you before looking at Jisung.

"Oh, he's not coming tonight. He's just gonna show up for the wedding tomorrow and stay after."

"I see."

"We should check out the bar and stuff before the dinner." Chan chimes in as he continues to scroll through his phone. "Wanna come, Y/N? No pressure."

"Hm, sure. It'll be nice to explore." Chan smiles at you. Once you hit the fourth floor, the four of you walk over to the rooms silently, Jisung dropping your bags to the floor before opening the door that joins the two rooms together. You immediately walk towards the window to look out at the view, arms crossed at your chest as you take in the way the sun bounces off of the water's surface.

"Pretty isn't it? I suggested for Yuna and Yeong-Su to get married here." You chuckle at Jisung.

"Nice choice."

"Did you get to call your uncle yet?"

"No, not yet. I'll call him in a bit." He nods.

"Want this bed?" Jisung points to the bed closest to the window and you smile at him.

"You'd give up the bed with a view?"

"Why not? All that matters to me is that you're comfortable." He shrugs. "I know all of this happened kinda last minute for you."

"It's not like that." You chuckle. "I'm glad I came along. It already feels nice to be away for a weekend."

"Good." He looks at Chan and Seungmin. "I can use their bathroom so that you have this one to yourself."

"It's fine, pachi. It's not like we haven't done this before with our families." You look at him with a certain look in your eyes, and he feels like he can relax. Jisung does worry about you, probably way more than he should, but at the end of the day, he just wants to make sure you're taken care of. It's his duty as your bestfriend, and he feels especially protective after everything you've been through. You've done so much for Jisung while growing up that he can't help but feel like he didn't do enough to keep you safe, to keep you from getting hurt, to protect you. He knows it's not his fault, but he can't help but blame himself. 

He feels like he could have done more.

And with you being here—being awake, being you— he feels like he's gotten a second chance to do better. He's gotten a second chance to make up for the things he didn't do before. He'll never take that for granted ever again.

"Mmkay." He chuckles. "Well, I'm gonna go wash up before we head down." You nod before unzipping your weekender bag and gently pulling out your wedding gift. Thankfully, after some days of rest and taking it easy, you were able to finish off the vase you started for Yuna. On top of that, you were able to grab other useful items to gift the couple as well. You set the things aside before hanging up your dress and setting your heels aside for tomorrow. While Jisung is still in the bathroom, you grab your phone out of your pocket and press your uncle's number under your Favorites list. It rings for 3 times before he picks up on the other line, the construction sounds blaring in the background.

"Hey Y/N, sorry it's so loud." You can tell he's trying to walk towards a quieter place with the way the background slowly fades out. "Did you and the boys make it okay?"

"Mhm, it was a smooth ride."

"Good, that's good to hear. How is the hotel? I heard it's really nice."

"It is super nice. I saw Yuna, Yeong-Su and Jisungie's parents as soon as we got here. I told them you send your regards."

"Thank you. Yeah, I wish I could come, but this project is taking up so much of my time. We're still behind." He chuckles a bit. "You have fun and enjoy yourself, okay?"

"I will. I just wanted to let you know that we were here."

"Okay, call me later when you're free. Hopefully I'll be home and resting by then." You laugh.

"You should. Don't work too hard."

"I'll try not to. Tell Jisung and the boys I said hi."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too." And with that, the call ends. You set your phone aside and dig through your bag again, checking to see which clothes you could change into that are more fitting for the warm weather. You pull out a simple black mini skirt and a crop top, hugging it against your chest as you wait for Jisung to finish up in the bathroom. You peek into Seungmin and Chan's room to see them lazily lying on their beds, with Seungmin the first to look up from his phone when he sees you looking in.

"Need something, Y/N?" He sits up and you shake your head.

"Do you mind if I change in your bathroom? Jisungie's taking forever."

"Go for it."

"Dude, tell him to hurry up." Chan looks at Seungmin. "I wanna grab a drink."

"Han Jisung, hurry up!" Seungmin yells from the bed as he crashes back onto it. You slip into their bathroom and shut the door behind you, hearing Chan and Seugmin constantly yelling at Jisung to hurry. You giggle to yourself as you change into your clothes, already feeling better being out of those leggings and the thick hoodie you had on.

"Where's Y/N?" You hear Jisung ask.

"She's changing in our bathroom cause you took too long."

"Oh." You hear footsteps approaching the bathroom door. "I'm sorry, cielo. You should've knocked."

"It's alright." You swing the door open, which causes Jisung to step back and quickly eye you from head to toe. "I'm ready now, we can head down."

"You look nice." You smile at Jisung.

"Thanks." You walk past him to get back to your room and drop your clothes.

"You always look nice, Y/N." Seungmin adds.

"Even in your pajamas, Y/N." Chan playfully chimes in causing Jisung to roll his eyes.

"Back off." You giggle to yourself when you hear Chan and Seungmin laughing at Jisung’s remark. They stand up to their feet when you walk back into their room, and the four of you start heading back down to the hotel lobby to explore around. On the way down, Chan and Seungmin are cracking jokes between each other that make you laugh, while Jisung picks up a call that comes through on his phone.

"Minho, yo." He picks up the call. "Yo?" He repeats. "What do you want?" You obviously can't hear Minho on the other line, but Jisung furrows his brows while listening to him. "What do you mean you don't know what to buy as a present? They have a registry. Just buy something from there or give them money so they can use it towards whatever they please." Jisung sighs. "Uh no, absolutely not a good idea to give them sex toys as a present." You chuckle, making Jisung look down at you before looking back ahead. "Dude, you're fucking gross. Do what you want. I'm telling Yuna and Yeong-Su that I had nothing to do with it." He lets out another breath. "Yeah, okay. I'm hanging up now." He lets out a laugh. "You're full of shit. Bye."

"Productive conversation, I see." Jisung shrugs.

"Dude is out of his mind. He's terrible when it comes to giving gifts."

"I'm sure he'll figure it out." It falls quiet as you continue walking towards the bar near the lobby. But for you, you're mainly wondering why you haven't talked to Minho as much as you expected to. He was your bestfriend, right?

Why didn't he say hi?

Does he ask about you as much as you do with him?

Why does it feel like Jisung is a wall between you two?

"Yo, look at this." Chan picks up the flyer at the front of the bar. "Tequila shots are only a dollar from now until 8PM."

"You're out of your mind." Seungmin laughs. "That shit is probably poison, and I'm not taking care of your asses."

"I can handle myself!" He nudges Jisung. "Let's go."

"I'm only gonna take like.. 3, my guy. I still have to rehearse, you know?"

"What better way to rehearse than tipsy?"

"Fuck you." Jisung shakes his head as he gives in to Chan. "You're really not gonna join in?"

"No, hell no. I'll stay here with Y/N and keep her safe from you two weirdos." Seungmin stands closer to you and you smile at the two. "We'll just help ourselves to some family-friendly drinks and people-watch outside." He looks down at you and you nod.

"Sounds fun to me." The boys know you aren't fond of drinking, especially after the accident. It's not like they've ever pressured you, but it's nice to have Seungmin swoop you away from Chan and Jisung's chaos just so you two could chill. Which, he does by asking the bartender for virgin pina coladas, taking the glasses over to two seats near the edge of the dining area that overlook the beach. You sit onto the stool while Seungmin doesn't waste any time with his drink. After quenching his thirst, he looks at you and gives you a toothless smile.

"Is it okay?" You nod while sipping your drink.

"It's really good!" You look at the drink in surprise. "Thanks. How much do I owe you?"

"What?" He chuckles. "Don't worry about it, Y/N. It's on me."

"Thank you, Seungmin."

"Of course." Silence. The two of you appreciate the view ahead before Seungmin breaks the silence again. "I didn't expect it to be so hot this weekend."

"Didn't pack the right clothes?" He does a head tilt while letting out a soft laugh.

"Not really, but I'll make it work. Like I always do." You chuckle before there's another pause. Seungmin feels safe. He always radiates a warm aura; someone who won't ever judge you, or make you feel stupid. Especially for what you're about to ask—

"Seungmin?" You slightly turn in your seat to look at him. "Can I ask you something?" He returns the favor by turning in his seat to face you.

"Anything."

"Is Minho really that busy?" His eyes widen at the random question, but he answers anyway.

"Um, yeah. He kinda is." He laughs a bit. "He's my roommate but I see him come and go pretty often, and I've gotten used to it. I'm sure the café is hard to manage. Why?"

"I don't know. I just.. feel the need to ask." You tilt your head and look at him. "Can I tell you something else?"

"Of course." His voice softens.

"I'm having a hard time figuring out why I feel a certain way when it comes to Minho. We were close at one point, right? So, why doesn't it feel like it? Why do I feel like I'm missing something?" You look out at the view, then back at him. "Why do I feel like he's purposefully avoiding me?" He lets out a breath. You can tell he's hesitating but he covers it up well. 

He recovers well.

"I think Minho is still trying to process everything." Is all he says. "It's not anything against you, this entire thing is just hard for him. Give it some time. He'll come around." This is all he gives you. 

"Sorry, I must sound stupid. I don't really know how to explain it."

"You're not stupid, Y/N. I know you are just trying to understand. And, I understand you. Don't worry." You also feel like Seungmin wants to say something else, but he doesn't. And that's because Jisung chose this very moment to rush over towards you two, arguing with Chan about their choices.

"I hate his ass." Jisung comes rushing over, pointing at a laughing Chan behind him. "He made us do five tequila shots."

"You're both glowing." Seungmin laughs. "Sure you can do it for the rehearsal?" The two of you watch as Jisung playfully pushes Chan and continues to put the blame on him and whine.

While you and Seungmin finish up your drinks, Yuna, Yeong-Su, their parents and Jisung's parents eventually come down and meet your group right before the rehearsal is scheduled to start. You laugh at Jisung's parents scolding him for getting tipsy before rehearsals— Jisung's mom clinging onto you as you all walk towards the garden area where things are set up for tomorrow's festivities.

As you sit alongside of Chan and Seungmin while watching the wedding rehearsal, you can't help but think of your quick conversation with Seungmin. With the gentle way he spoke with you earlier, you can't help but feel like you've been overthinking the entire thing and that's what you wanted to avoid while being here. It was hard for everyone to process what had happened, knowing that everyone was on the brink of letting you go, of giving you peace.

Then, to come back and change everything— to change their feelings, their mind, their decisions.

Maybe it was just you, after all.

☁︎ FLASHBACK | A COUPLE OF DAYS AFTER YOU WOKE UP

Minho doesn't even know where he's going.

He finds himself running, and running, and running— in hopes he can finally escape the repeating sounds of your cries and screams.

"Fuck." He groans as he leans over onto his knees, squinting his eyes at the dull headache that is suddenly coming onto him early this morning. The sun is barely rising, the air is still cold, sharp. He drags himself over to the rail before sitting on the step— chest beginning to ache at the shortness of breath. His head falls and his breathing is the only thing he hears besides the occasional early morning chirping, cars passing by, geese dipping into the lake ahead of him.

"Knew I'd find you here." He looks up to the familiar voice, surprised at seeing his roommate standing in front of him in a hoodie and sweats.

"What are you doing here?" Seungmin shrugs and sits next to him on the step.

"Think I don't wanna get a run this morning, too?"

"Right." Minho looks straight ahead at the lake again. "Sleep is everything to you."

"Damn right. This is so fucking early."

"So, why are you here?"

"To make sure you're okay."

"Why wouldn't I be?" He's avoiding eye contact, again. Seungmin may not say much, but he notices these things. He always notices the small things.

"You haven't said much to anyone since Y/N woke up. Think it's safe for me to be worried about you." Seungmin says softly, arms lazily hanging over his knees while he joins Minho and looks out to the lake. It's quiet for awhile before Minho finally speaks up and lets out a soft sigh.

"Nothing to be worried about."

"You don't have to do that. We can talk about it." Seungmin looks at him before shifting back to the lake. "It's hard, I know it is. I say that as her friend, so I can only imagine what you're feeling right now. So let me be your friend, and let me be there for you." And honestly, that's all it takes for Minho to crack. Because he's not okay. This is hard. He doesn't know what to do.

You saw them, and there was nothing.

You saw him, and there was nothing.

Minho's head falls, and Seungmin hears the harsh crying next to him even if Minho is trying his hardest to mask it. He can hear Minho whimpering in between sobs, Seungmin's heart breaking at the sound. He gently pats his back, giving him some time to let it all out.

"I didn't think it'd be this fucking hard." He mumbles and Seungmin barely catches on. "She doesn't know any of us, she doesn't know me."

"She's scared. Give her some time, okay? We'll get her back to where she needs to be."

"No, no." Minho shakes his head as he continues to cry. "No. She's different, she doesn't know me." He repeats. "I'm so stupid. Why did I let her go that night?"

"You're not stupid."

"I am. I am." He repeats. "None of this would've happened." His crying finally slows down but he still can't bring himself to look at Seungmin yet. He lets himself calm down, crying finally subsiding as he lets out a breath and wipes away at the straggling tears. "I was getting ready to accept it. I think I did. I was ready for whatever was gonna happen next. I was at peace with it. He pauses. "Then she came back. And I'm supposed to feel relief, right?" He finally turns to Seungmin again, eyes red from all the crying.

"You don't have to feel that way right now. Understandably, it's a lot at once." Is the best Seungmin can do.

"Yeah. Because truthfully, I don't feel relieved." Seungmin sees the tears building up on Minho's bottom lids again, his lip slightly trembling. "I'm not relieved because it feels like I still lost her either way. That's the hardest part about all of this." He starts to softly cry again, and he remains silent. Quite frankly, he doesn't know what else to say to Seungmin. He's overwhelmed with emotion, but at the same time he feels so fucking empty inside. Your cries and screams are still ringing in his head, the fear in your eyes when it quickly landed on him, the boys.

He shouldn't have let you go that night.

He's so stupid.

Nothing could have prepared him for how difficult this was going to be. He feels a selfish, feels kinda like an asshole for this. But, he truthfully cannot say he feels relieved after these past few days—

In the end, he still loses you.

☁︎ END

♡ taglist: @ppiri-bahng​ @jihanlovic​ @meloncremesoda​ @sweetlikecherry​ @hoes4lino​ @skzddicted​ @skzho @edgaralienpoe​ @harui-zen​ @bestleeknowstan​ @havenwithleeknow​ @septicrebel​ @heesdazed​ @borahae-reads​ @yoontaethings​ @pearbunny​ @bintificreads​ @lukeys-giggle​ @ajxreads @everglowdaisies​ @allaboutsan​ @endzii23​ @leeknowsramen @heres-your-ramen2000​ @morningstardada​ @mal-lunar-28​ @downbadreading​ @lilysophie @feelikecinderella​ @urmomma0324​ @ddazed-lhs​ @djeniryuu​ @melanctton​ @i8rsie​ @maru-matt​ @sleepyleeji​ @taerifin​ @nattisbored​ @jisunglyricist​ @m111nho​ @drhsthl​ @nixtape-foryou​ @arminseas @guiltycoco​ @syuuji​ @sulkygyu​ @cadihyo @reianagarcia​ @leeknowyah​

[maccreadysbaby]

Project: Killcode

batfamily + oc insert

tw: anxiety attacks, angst

wanna read more? here’s the table of contents!

want to read the first fic in the hundred days series so you understand what’s going on here? here it is!

bentley is SO NOT OKAY SNSRNDJFJSJKSK HE IS SO UNGOOD HE IS SO UNWELL HE IS SO

part thirty-one

❝ IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION ❞

SUNDAY — JULY 29 — 11:24AM

BENTLEY FOUND HIMSELF SITTING ON ONE OF THE BENCHES AROUND THE FOUNTAIN HE’D MET CHLOE AT, ALONE.

The sun was shining, and the sky was a beautiful, cloudless blue, the afternoon air not too hot and not too cold. The campus was quiet apart from a few students here and there, maybe the occasional bird. Even despite the niceness of the day, everything felt sort of… wrong. 

Bentley and Asten had never actually fought like that before. Sure, they bickered like best friends and brothers did, but they’d never fought. They’d seen mostly eye to eye on everything since Bentley’s met him — at least enough to make arguments practically nonexistent in their relationship.

It was weird. Knowing Asten was in the dorm mad at him. It sort of made Bentley’s whole world tilt a little… just knowing that he was mad and Asten was mad back. The real kind of mad, too.

Bentley was the one in the right. And he knew he was the one in the right. 

But that didn’t make it much easier.

“Care for some company?”

He flinched when a familiar voice came from his left. Glancing up, his brown eyes locked onto Valor’s grey ones, bright and shiny in the sun. He looked sort of like he’d freshly woken up, and was wearing a big black hoodie and sweats, his arms folded over his chest.

Bentley cringed to himself, looking back out at the willow trees ahead. “Did you hear all of it?”

Valor shrugged, taking that as a yes to his previous question and and sitting down on the bench next to him. “I couldn’t tell what you were saying, but the tone of your voices was enough for me to deduce that it wasn’t a happy conversation.”

Bentley looked down at his shoes, scraping the toes against the pavement. “Yeah…”

Valor stretched arbitrarily, his wings flitting and making a series of loud poufnoises. “Well, if you wanna talk, I have ears. And if you don’t want talk, I… still have ears.”

Bentley smiled an empty, amused smile, but it only lasted for a few seconds before fading away in the morning breeze. Then he looked down at his feet and shrugged. “He’s started lying to me, and hiding stuff. He never did that before we came here. It…” Bentley trailed off, tapping his foot on the concrete with a few soft taps. “Makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me anymore…”

Valor hummed in acknowledgment as he listened, stretching his wings out, the right one lazily looping around Bentley’s shoulders like he’d done to Bellamy the night before. It was heavier than an arm and Bentley had to admit, it felt nice.

“Keeping secrets and lying doesn’t always mean he doesn’t trust you,” Valor suggested, glancing at Bentley, then across the campus grounds. “It’s more likely that he’s insecure — worried what he’s doing will change your opinion of him, so he tries to hide it.”

Bentley guessed that… made sense. 

He exhaled lightly, tapping his hands on his pants. “Why won’t he just say that?”

Valor hummed again. “From what I’ve seen and heard, you’re very emotionally aware and open.  Which is good. But it’s harder for other people to be that way.”

Bentley wasn’t sure how emotionally aware and open he really was, but he’d take it. He looked down at his shoes again with a soft sigh. “It still hurts...”

Valor’s wing tightened a little around him. “I know.”

As the adrenaline and blinding anger from the fight started to wear down, and Valor’s words started bringing things to light, he started getting that suffocating feeling he got when Asten was mad at him the day before. So Asten really was just… afraid, and he’d yelled at him for it? 

Everything at Redwood was just wrong. Everyone was mad and Bentley could never seem to be happy about anything — there was always something following him around and making him irritated or sad or upset or angry. It had only taken one school-week for him to get all weird and screw everything up. Like he always did.

Bentley rubbed a hand over his face with a heavy sigh, propping his elbows on his knees and dropping his head into his hands. “I hate this. School is stressing me out, and Asten’s stressing me out, and being homesick is stressing me out, and pretending I’m not stressed out is stressing me out. I’m…” He paused and searched for a word, his eyes staying locked on the concrete below them. “…overwhelmed.”

A moment of quiet passed, and as he thought through all the things that was making everything so bad, his eyes started to burn, so he looked away. “And I’m not going to cry about it.”

He heard Valor sigh lightly. Then his wing left Bentley’s shoulders, and he stood up, turning to face him. “Stand up.”

Bentley glanced up at him in confusion. 

“Come on, stand up,”

After a moment of quiet, Bentley relented and pushed himself onto his feet. 

“Now do this,” Valor continued, holding his arms out sort of diagonally to either side. Bentley, with a confused look on his face, copied it. 

Then Valor, with a soft smile, grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a hug.

Bentley was kind of shocked at first, because that wasn’t what he’d expected, but he gave in with a soft sigh and hugged him back anyways. Everything inside of him seemed to spin up even worse than it had been at the contact, like a tornado kicking up dust, and he tried hard to blink away the burn in his eyes that came back with a vengeance.

He tried to pull away because he so didn’t want to cry right then, but he also kind of didn’t want to pull away, and his conflicting, hesitant motions seemed to confuse Valor because he muttered: “What’s wrong?”

Bentley said nothing for a moment, blinking rapidly even though it didn’t help. Why was he crying so much lately? He wasn’t crying that much before he came to school… and he was thirteen. Not a baby. He shouldn’t have been crying at all. “I…’m sorry. I’m… not gonna cry, I swear.”

Valor moved, but it wasn’t to release him like he thought. Actually, Bentley was pretty sure his wings came forward and around him, too. “There. Now no one else can see you.”

Bentley didn’t say anything to that, but he did stop trying to pull away and held on to the back of Valor’s hoodie instead, pressing his forehead against his shoulder in a attempt to not have a spectacular breakdown. 

“Hey…” Valor tried, rubbing Bentley’s back lightly. “You’re trembling. Y’know you have full permission to, like, lose your shit, right? You don’t have to try and be okay. Sometimes that’s worse.”

Bentley didn’t say anything to that, but as soon as Valor spoke, his eyes started to burn tremendously worse. 

“I’m sorry…” He continued, and he hated how thick and cracky his voice was. He let go of Valor’s hoodie and brought his hands to his face, hiccuping lightly even though he was trying so hard not to.

“Don’t apologize. Just cry. It’s okay,”

And so Bentley did.

—

He and Valor stayed outside for a long while. And when they finally ventured back into the dorm, it was almost two in the evening. Bentley didn’t go into his room.

Instead, he found himself knocking lightly on Bellamy’s door.

It only took him a few seconds to open it. He only cracked it at first, like he was checking who it was, and when his brown eyes landed on Bentley, he opened it wider. 

“Are you okay?” Was the first thing Bellamy asked softly, stepping out of the way so Bentley could come in. As soon as he crossed the threshold, the door was closed behind him. “You look like you were crying.”

Bentley sighed lightly, sitting down on the bottom bunk of Bellamy’s bed. “I’m okay.”

Bellamy didn’t seem too convinced, and Bentley didn’t blame him. He’d literally cried what had to be every last bit of liquid out of his body and was now just sort of… floating. Almost tired, in a way. Numb. Foggy.

“I had a… moment. But it’s over now,” He continued. Bellamy didn’t say anything, he just sort of shuffled over and sat next to Bentley on the bed, watching him closely with a concerned look on his face.

“I’m sorry…” Was the next thing Bellamy said, glancing down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers. “You look… sleepy.”

Bentley shrugged. “More… empty feeling, I guess. I dunno. I’m…”

His sentence trailed off. He was going to say cold, but he realized that wouldn’t work if he wasn’t with Bruce — so he didn’t say it. He just sort of brought his arms up and around himself like he usually did and exhaled lightly. “I’m… sorry.” Is what he settled on saying.

“It’s… okay,” Bellamy replied. After a few moments of quiet, Bentley felt a small hand come to rest gently on his back. 

That’s when Bentley’s phone started vibrating in his pocket.

With a long sigh, he dug it out, glancing at the caller ID that was shining across the screen. It was an unnamed number. 

He declined it and put his phone next to him.

About five seconds later, it started vibrating again. 

With a huff of frustration, he picked it up and declined the call, then watched the screen, waiting. 

Ten seconds later, it called a third time.

He answered it and brought the small device to his ear with a curt, irritated: “What?”

“Bentley. Don’t hang up,”

Something Iike existential dread shot from his head down to his toes,  and he suddenly felt kind of nauseous. His mouth dropped open but he didn’t know what to say. Lots of things he didn’t want to think about started getting dredged up and made it hard to focus, to breathe.

“I know it’s been three years, and that you have a… a new father now, but… listen, I don’t have much time…”

Bentley barely managed to stammer out the words: “How… how did you get my phone number?” 

Wasn’t his father in prison? And wasn’t he, like, not allowed to have contact with Bentley anymore? 

“Look, I know you don’t trust me, and I don’t blame you — but you have to listen to me,” His father’s voice started. It sounded urgent, serious, like he really needed to say something important. “I heard you’re at Redwood Academy, in New York?”

“How-“

“You have to get out of that school, Bentley. You have to go back to Gotham. Or… find another one, it doesn’t matter, just… you have to get out of there,”

Bentley opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t make himself, so all that came out was a squeak. His chest was suddenly constricting and tightening in a way that was reminiscent of the day he saw his father at the store, and he desperately wanted Tim.

He couldn’t breathe.

How had his father gotten ahold of him? And what did he mean he had to leave the school? He sounded serious enough, but when could someone like him ever be trusted again? Someone who was so determined to ruin Bentley’s life in every conceivable way?

Bentley ended the call without saying anything. His hands were shaking — so much that he could barely hold the phone. He tried to come back to himself, but he could hardly focus on reality through the gut-wrenching flashback reel of every other time he’d heard that voice. He couldn’t breathe.

He reached out to the side, toward Bellamy.

“Bentley?”

He thought about asking for Asten.

Instead, the name he forced out between gasps for air was: “Koa.”

Bellamy left the room not a second later.

Bentley grasped at his own shirt, unable to create coherent thoughts about anything. His chest hurt really bad and he wasn’t sure he was actually breathing in any air, which kind of made him feel like he was going to pass out, which only made him more anxious and his heart rate spike way too high. He ended up dropping his phone from how much he was shaking and he had to close his eyes because he was really starting to feel like he might throw up on Bellamy’s floor.

His father knew where he was. He knew where he was, and that probably meant he knew what he was doing, and where he was going, and who he was with, and that he wasn’t at the Manor, and he was going to kill them all. He was going to kill them all-

He flinched hard when someone’s really cold hand landed on the back of his neck.

“Hey, Bentley. It’s Koa. Can you hear me?”

Bentley might’ve nodded, if he had the willpower. Which he didn’t.

“Okay, Bentley, I want you to do something for me. Can you open your eyes?” 

He tried, but it didn’t work. He couldn’t breathe. 

Koa’s hand moved on the back of his neck up into his hairline, just like Bruce did — which meant he must’ve been paying close attention to Asten last time Bentley had an attack. “I’ve got you. I’m right in front of you — can you look at me?”

Bentley summoned whatever willpower he could into peeling his eyes open. Koa was sitting in front of him in sweats, looking calm as ever, even smilingslightly. Maybe a little tired, too? Or a still a little hungover? Did Bellamy wake him up? 

“Hey. Will you hold this?” He questioned casually.

Bentley looked down when Koa grabbed his right hand and placed something in his shaking palm — something cold and wet. Was he holding ice?

“Thanks,” Koa continued, as though they were just having a typical conversation. Bentley looked at the little translucent crescent in his palm with a slowly growing puddle around it. “Try moving it from hand to hand, so your one doesn’t get too cold.”

Bentley wasn’t exactly sure what he was getting at, but he obeyed the best he could — he was still trembling, but he managed to tilt his right hand enough for the piece of ice to slide into his left, leaving a trail of cold water in its wake.

“Good. You’re doing great. Now try moving it back,”

Bentley did as he was told, letting the ice slide back into his other hand. The cold on the back of his neck felt eerily similar to the cold on his hands, but he was so focused on not dropping the ice that he didn’t really pay it much mind. 

Koa nodded encouragingly. “Okay, now try tilting your hand to move it in circles on your palm, without dropping it.”

Somehow, he managed.

“Good! Now your other hand,” Koa added, continually and gently moving his hand on the back of Bentley’s head.

Bentley followed Koa’s directions for a while. He moved the ice in circles on his left hand, then his right again, then switched it back and forth a few more times before he realized… that he was breathing much easier.

When the ice was gone and he was left with nothing but wet hands, Koa, who was still crouched in front of him, patted his knee. “How are you feeling?”

Bentley took a deep breath. Besides still feeling a little bit nauseous like he always did after an attack, he felt… y’know. Better. He could breathe, and think, and his heart wasn’t pounding anymore, and he wasn’t so shaky.

“…Better,” He replied softly, glancing up at Koa, whose seafoam eyes were bouncing along his face, calculating, watching. “How did you… know that would work?”

“Tricks of the trade, I guess. Artimi and I have been trying out different ways to deal with attacks for a long time. Most don’t work, but ice usually does for him,” Koa shrugged with a faint smile. “It was a gamble trying it with you, but it looks like it paid off.”

Bentley took a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m sorry.”

Koa smiled sadly, patting the back of his neck once. “No apologies, dude. What happened?”

Bentley glanced down at his green phone that was laying in the floor, then over at Bellamy, who was sitting quietly next to him just like he had been. Maybe… a little more freaked out looking. “I just… got into an argument with Asten earlier. That on top of school and everything else had me really stressed out and overwhelmed…”

His roommates didn’t need to know about his father. Not yet.

“I’m sorry, I know it sucks,” Koa squeezed his knee supportively with his other hand. “You’re feeling okay?”

Bentley shrugged. “Kind of like I haven’t slept in a year. But yeah.”

“Stress’ll do that to you. I’ll leave you to rest now, but if you need me I’ll be in the living room,” Koa replied, rising from where he was, his hands vanishing and leaving Bentley sort of… he didn’t know. Cold? “There’s a whole ice maker’s worth of attack help in the fridge, so don’t hesitate to come get me, alright?”

“Okay…” Bentley trailed off, taking another deep breath. “Thank you, Koa,” 

Koa smiled at him. “Of course. It’s in my job description.” 

Then he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Bentley glanced over at Bellamy, who’d been eerily still and quiet by his side the entire time. The eleven year old didn’t say anything, he just glanced down at his fingers like he’d been caught watching something he was supposed to. “‘M sorry, Bell. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay,” Bellamy was quick to respond. “It’s not your fault.”

Bentley didn’t say anything to that.

Bellamy pushed himself further up on his bed, so he was sort of against the wall, emptying the left side of the mattress. “You can lay in here. I’ll stay.”

Bentley glanced back at him, smiling a quick, empty smile. “Thanks, but you don’t have to.”

“You stayed with me,” Bellamy continued. “You said you like sleeping with people around.” 

Fortunately for Bellamy, Bentley didn’t take much convincing. He quickly relented with a soft sigh and a quiet: “Okay.”

He crawled up to the top of Bellamy’s bed and got under the covers, settling in on the left side while Bellamy sat to his right. He didn’t realize exactly how exhausted he was until then — because, as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. “Thanks, Bell.”

He didn’t say anything — but Bentley felt his hand land on his back and rub it gently through the covers.

He fell asleep within minutes.

--

tag list that never works lmao

@fleur-alise @sarcopterygiian @gayboss-too-close-to-the-sun

@xiaonothere

@skylathescholarly @flyrobinflyy