#how do you write if not thinking all the fuckin time
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i fuckin love Rafe’s complex about ward. Like in season 2 when he starts wearing ward’s clothes and rings - he’s so pathetic oh my god. He’ll do anything to feel like the man of the house. I think this ties in w a lot of your au’s. Like old-fashioned misogynistic Rafe (housewife kink loud and proud) bc he just uses reader to feel like some alpha male 💀
i think you touched on it before about him fucking reader in ward’s bed - can you elaborate or write a drabble perhaps on how else this complex affects his (could be an any rafe from an au of your choice) relationship with (again- any) reader? I think it’s so twisted and sexy at the same time.
love your work!
-sadie
♥︎_♥︎ his complex with ward & how it effects housewife!reader specifically is speaking to me… cw -> noncon themes, unhingedabuser!rafe, housewife / marriage kink.
it starts with him sending you a glance as you sit at his family’s dining room table. one that you meet with a knowing look, just before he clears his throat and excuses himself, challenging you to come find him like the attentive wife everyone knows you are. and of course you do, ward sending you a warm smile and cracking a joke about rafe’s temper that makes your own smile falter, already feeling his fingers around your throat just from the implication.
when you tiptoe up the staircase, you see the door to the master bedroom— ward and rose’s room, formerly ward and rafe’s mother’s room long ago— cracked open, rafe clearly pacing about. footsteps muffled by the century old rug beneath his feet as your own are light and calculated, voice airy as you approach him and place a hand on the tense muscles of his upper back.
“rafe, are you okay?”
“yeah, everything’s fuckin’ great,” he sniffles, words bitter as the roll off of his tongue, “he thinks i’m a fuckin’ joke— he thinks that we’re a joke.”
“what are you talking about?”
the way you ask must make something in rafe snap. you’re shoved down onto the crisp duvet, tummy down as your protests are completely ignored and your dress is hitched up around your hips.
“rafe, we can’t here.” your words come out in hushed cries as you try your best to reason with him, but also not wanting to alarm anyone of what’s happening by any means.
“just— shut the fuck up f’r a second.” he snarls, yanking your panties down your twitching thighs before the same hand he used trails up your back, holding you down by the scruff of your neck. “you shouldn’t be fightin’ me off like that— i put that pretty ring on your finger to use you how i want to, brat.”
the sound of his belt being undone makes your heart sink, while your face his pressed up against bedding that smells like his father— yet rafe’s own scent lingers, too. it’s something you recognize, something that makes you dizzy before he even spits on your cunt and stuffs you full of his cock. you keen, still fighting to get up despite the way you’re pinned down but it’s mostly because you want to see rafe’s face. you want to feel him deeper as he folds you in half, you want to be his good little wife…
but it’s not something you can afford at the moment it seems.
not when he’s baring his teeth and knocking the air out of your lungs with each of his thrusts, forcing you to muffle your hiccups with the plush surface underneath you as he bruises your cervix. the feel and god— the sound— of his hips smacking agaisnt the plush curve of your ass makes your face heat up until you’re burning from the inside out with embarrassment.
“i’m more of a fuckin’ man than he’ll ever be,” you hear him grit out through his teeth, as if he’s trying to prove it to himself rather than you, “isn’t that right, baby?”
you babble out in agreement, nodding the best you can despite feeling utterly fucked out already as he leans over you, caging you in with his bigger form and strong arms.
rafe’s the man of the house in your world, and that’s all that matters to either of you.
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i miss writing us series! touya so here's something slightly ooey gooey; cherry hill set the mood for me ♡( ᵕᴗᵕ )
touya can’t help his fascination at times.
he’s mesmerized by how you and keigo fuck. not in a sense that what’s being done is different than how he wrecks you, but that he’s just in awe of watching on the sidelines. that when you’re lost in the fuck, your awareness and the slight shyness you still have sometimes gets tossed out the window.
like right now, keigo’s got you face down and ass up as he fucks himself into you. he fucks hard and fast, leaning over slightly to put his hand on your head and push you back down to the mattress when you attempt to put your weight on your forearms to prop yourself up. you whimper and whine some broken version of his name that’s drowned out by the sound of skin slapping against one another. “fuckin’ take it… fuck!”
he can’t help but want to close the distance.
touya comes up behind keigo, nipping at his ear briefly before glancing down over his shoulder. oh my god, your pussy is so creamy and he can’t help licking his lips when he sees the sticky strings that don’t break when keigo pulls his hips back and thrusts back into you.
fucking delectable.
his cock gets hard but he doesn’t bother to pay any attention to it, at least not in that moment. instead he makes a grab for keigo’s ass, startling him as he presses balls deep into you. his body quakes a little but not in discomfort from the touch; he likes it.
it’s not like they hadn’t explored each other before. there was a time before you came along and became the center of their world. there was a time when touya and keigo kept a distance as strangers, from a connect to a buyer, from making transactions with cash to fronting occasionally if he felt generous and was wanting to fix his appetite rather than fill his wallet.
“pull back a little, i want to see hard how your dick is.” touya whispers in keigo's ear, helping by smoothing his hand from his ass up to his arm, following the muscles of the blond's forearm to where his hand rests on your hip. his fingers fill the small gaps in between keigo's briefly, your skin right under his grasp before touya's hand goes to the small of your back and pushes you slowly away. he thinks it would be enough to just catch a quick glance, that it's not necessary for the blond to pull out completely from your pussy.
fuck me... touya groans inside his head.
you're pushed with enough force for keigo's dick to slip out, grunting as you fall into the bed.
“nngh… please…” you whimper from below, glancing the best you can from your vantage point to see your boyfriends captured in some intimate glance. your eyes drift down and your mouth waters at the sight of touya jerking off keigo's cock, your cum aiding the motion as lube and making it glide easily on touya's grasp.
it’s hot, you like seeing them like this, but god you’re being ignored over here!
you plead again and couple it with a whine that gets no response from either of them.
"spread her open."
keigo's hands smooth over your ass cheeks, his thumbs dipping towards your hole as he helps spread your labia for touya's viewing pleasure. he groans when the pad of touya's thumb smears your cum over his tip before stroking him again. his nails dig slightly into your skin but he's mindful to not do it so hard for your comfort. his body shakes a little, needing the release so badly but being held back. he doesn't care how he cums whether it's by using your pussy or if touya keeps on stroking his dick.
he just wants to cum.
"god, look how fucking hard you are. all from fucking that sweet pussy, huh?" touya mutters into his ear with a light chuckle, "aren't you so grateful that we share this hole now?"
"yes, fuck!" keigo hisses, throwing his head back and his hips shifting forward.
it's almost like you're being left out and it makes you a little jealous. you've always been the center of attention, whether they were being mean or nice to you so you can't help but feel a little indignant in the position you're in now. so you attempt to move, if only just to put yourself on your back because you're tired of keeping your back arched.
keigo keeps his grip firm on you, still spread open but releasing one hand briefly to land a sharp spank on your thigh. you yelp from the strike but it still doesn't earn you anything from either of them. it's like they're only lost in each other and you don't matter. touya can be heard crooning but his voice belongs to keigo's ears right now. "i like watching you fuck, it's hot. you know what i like even more though?"
only mustering a little noise, it's the closest that the blond is able to ask what do you like more?
"i like feeling your cum around my cock when i fuck her."
his words carry an intimacy that makes you melt in spite how filthy they were. because who else would touya do this with if not keigo? no one else could get this close, this loving and adoring version of touya that no one else has seen. it belongs to the two of you only.
"cum in her so that i can have my turn." touya pushes himself off and gives the space for keigo to return to his frenzied fucking. he relishes in hearing you cry out, allowing himself to lower his pants just enough to pull his cock out and jerk himself off. he ears listen to your sounds and cries but his eyes are set on keigo's body and the way his muscles flex as he makes you a fucked out mess.
he loves this. he loves keigo. he loves you.
he wants this to last forever.
"fuckin'... fuck!" keigo curses, fumbling over himself as he cums inside you. his body still tingles as he withdraws from you, wiping the sweat from his brow as he steps aside for touya.
you're roughly flipped over and your knees are pressed to your chest so that touya can survey the creamy mess that is your pussy. keigo's cum drips out and down the seam of your ass. it's a disgustingly sexy sight for him that makes his cock twitch and no longer having any patience.
it's so fucking wet and easy to slip right in, his cock coated with keigo's cum and your pussy stretched open already. when touya goes in first, you're always so tight that he has to ease you open before he can pound away at your guts. if keigo fucks you first, he does the job of leaving you gaping open for him to go in second. it's a routine that benefits everyone. he warms up by watching you and keigo fuck and then he gets his turn without feeing the need of cumming too fast when he gets inside.
"touya! f-fuck!" you whimper, your legs locking in around his hips and feeling your heels dig into his lower back. it's cute to him how cock drunk you get but he has to keep you proper by reminding you of your manners. so touya slaps your cheek and holds your jaw in the palm of his hand, "what do you say? what do you say to kei?"
you whimper, "th-thank you, keigo!"
"i swear to god, you are getting a little more selfish and forgetting your manners." touya tuts at you but it's not that harsh of a reprimand. in fact he likes that you're getting spoiled because it gives him the opportunity to bully you when it pleases him. you're his precious doll and he is going to coddle you for as long as he lives, but touya has to balance you out as well so that you don't get too lazy or bratty on him either.
you seem to disagree, shaking your head and looking to keigo for a bit of kindness which is granted. he rubs at your clit and you choke out a gasp, your eyes shutting tight and the back of your head digging into the bed. "you're such a sweet girl, aren't you? look how good of a fuck toy you are."
again, touya finds himself fascinated as he observes keigo cooing over you.
this is perfect, this is his life, this is love to him.
and when he cums inside, touya remembers that keigo coats him all around too. being together like this reminds him that not all things in life are bad. you're such a mess where he's got you, filled with cum from two of your loves and practically bursting with so much sentiment that it makes you stupid. your glassy eyes and breathy moans are a reflection of that, looking forward at him but your head up in the clouds.
"baby, come back to us. aw, look how cute you are."
touya pulls out of you, letting keigo take the reins of making you comfortable after fucking your brains out. his heart oozes with affection as you kiss keigo first and flash him a lovesick smile before giving the same affection to him. your legs are wobbly as you make your way to the bathroom to clean up, leaving the boys behind in the room.
"think i'll help her clean up." keigo stands up from the bed, stretching his back and groaning at how good it feels in his muscles. he glances back at touya to flash him a smile.
touya stands up too, only taking a small step and leaning down to kiss him. it's brief, not like the long ones he gives to you but it's long enough that he knows it sends the message of how he feels towards keigo.
"love you." he says when he pulls back.
"love you too." keigo returns the sentiment before walking away.
touya isn't the type to feel giddy about anything in particular. but he does get a nice little fluttery feeling in his chest as he walks by the bathroom after putting his clothes back on and briefly listens to yours and keigo's muffled voices speaking to one another. you laugh and he hears some slap that suggests that one of you playfully slapped the other.
he hears a louder slap and you yelp, "keigo! too hard!"
touya chuckles a little, grabbing his pack of cigarettes off the table to step outside, relishing in the glow up until he gets a text from shigaraki.
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just to inquire, what’s your favorite thing you sell in your shop?
i love your comic!
Oh thank you!
And my favorite thing... That's hard to answer haha
I like selling prints because I get to use my nice printer (which I love to do) and I especially love selling custom panel prints, because then I get to see people's favorite panels from my comic, which is double nice...
The most fun items to pack are the merch bundles which are themed with my books, I LOVE coming up with packaging design like this so much...
But my favorite design has gotta be one of these... Probably the patch, there.
It's really hard for me to pick!
I actually genuinely just am really passionate about product design and merch themeing, it's not only extremely fun for me but it also just really engages my brain. I love coming up with items that fit a theme, and there's no theme I love more than my own comics haha
So there's not much I could enjoy more! That's why I chose to do a merch club on patreon, it lets me get out my merch-y feelings but without overloading my storefront... Plus it's just really fun for me! I get to experiment, make little packages, and enjoy making new things.
Thank you for asking!
#asks#anon#I like actually genuinely could rant about this all day#like no joke. I have#and I will again#I really really really love finding sort of the little nugget of marketable ideas in things#and then designs for merch...#I love designing things to fit a specific product type#like a patch design is WAYYYYY different than the concepts for a pin design#and keychains are way different from THAT#I think I might end up for the patrons doing something someday where I do a more intense package#only thing stopping me is uhhhhh#shipping costs. would be way more#like losing me money on the international people#but maybe at the end of the year I can do it for people who were patrons for 6+ months or something like that#that could be nice!#something I've been thinking about haha#clearly I think a lot. sorry LMAO#how do you write if not thinking all the fuckin time#but yeah I LOVE making merch#and I'm pretty proud of most of my stuff#there's a few things that I'm bummed about#like I accidentally made my ghost pin bigger than I wanted :(#so its like twice as big as I wanted#but it's ok. mean it still looks good its just big#stuff like that.#I am so picky HAHAHAH#oh I also of course like selling books but that doesnt really feel like... the same#theyre sort of on their own level.
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Remembering the toxic hellscape that was 2015-2019ish SU fandom and just how much hate the show got is really insane when you rewatch the show after it's been a while. Like the show is good what the hell were any of these people talking about
#do NOT quote me on those numbers i pulled them straight out of my ass#like the ending was rushed and the diamonds didnt get to be fully developed but liek#the whole reason that was the case is there was an entire 6th season planned#and then the show got axed early because rebecca sugar and crew refused the back down on the rupphire wedding.#and even rushedness aside like the point of the show was never that you should hug fascists and forgive people no matter what#the diamond were rose's (and his) dysfunctional family whose personal suffering became the basis for the cruelty of gem society#bismuth in The Real World would have been right to want to kill the diamonds as a force of revolution#but the point of the show is that even the most complicated people are still people who can change. even if you dont forgive them#even steven quartz universe the most loving boy in the world very obviously does not like being around the diamonds. but that is how it is#it was a children's show that emphasized compassion and communication and family as themes. of course steven didnt kill the diamonds lol#i really fully believe the stevenbomb format (which was not the crew's choice or fault) cooked peoples' brains#you had months between major arcs so every wrongdoing by a character had months to be warped and misinterpreted and so no resolution could#ever satisfy fans who were festering with their own opinions for way too long#like these arcs looking back are not that long and they resolve in fairly reasonable manners but they took fuckin forever in real time to#wrap up#and ppl on the internet with no other hobbies than arguing made the fandom suck to be in and gave su a bad name#even if you dont like steven universe i think the amount of vitriol thrown at the show is/was fucking INSANE for what it is lmaooo#people were so so jolly to accuse rebecca sugar (a jewish lady) of being a fascist/fash sympathizer and paint every writing shortcoming or#morally dubious character action as a sign of pure fuckin evil#ok that was a long ass fuckin rant in the tags i am so sorry i'm just kind of opinionated on this matter as i am all matters#i've been rewatching su with my dad lately and this very normal and well paced and fun watchthrough experience has been illuminating#just how insane and uncalled for the hellish discourse sphere around su was/is#i say was/is i have no idea what su discourse is like nowadays. i'm too scareds to look in the su crit tag
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do you guys ever sit and remember that dennis takes a mental health day is an episode that exists
#ada speaks#i think i could probably recite the entire one sided phone conversation he has with daisy by heart and i havent seen the ep in months#i don't know how to explain it but#from what little ive read of ross' writing it feels like. when you click onto a fanfic and you feel immediate deep trust of the author#like it just clicks#the cookbook characterization specifically. is like.#i would put my life in your hands#and im sure we will get more eps by him and i really hope that continues because i think its been a very long time since the shows had#writers that i feel Get the characters in a way that feels effortless rather than. overcompensating.#like you can smell that writer's signature no matter how hard they try to cover it up with jokes and subversions#which isnt always a bad thing and im sure if we do get more maloney eps i'll pick up on his writers quirks too#but it doesn't feel like he's trying to copy anyone/pull from old eps it feels like he has a good grasp on things which makes it feel fresh#i find that long running shows hit a point where episodes start to feel less cohesive and more like. segmented short films#but if you have a really good group of writers and they find their groove its like. yeah. ok.#i think season 3 is a good study because marder and rosell's influence is all over the entire season#later seasons you can literally just. Feel which eps they worked on because its got a completely different vibe from the rest of the season#16 still suffers from that segmentation but#i think all the first time sunny writers (and nina's first solo ep) were all absolutely fuckin bangers and they've got a good team in there#anyway. characterization of dennis flipflops a lot. but the rest of the gang arguably gets it worse at times#i think megan's dee is the absolute worst aside from conor galvin's#and i understand wanting to write her as a girlfailure who is just. horrible. but.#ok. comparing self help book dee to ross' cookbook dee. i dont even have to say anything do i.#she's like. The Woman. in the self help book. and i fucking could not stand it. ross' dee is so perfect though#and his frank. MAN.#EVERYONE FUCKING RUINS FRANK.#i think marder and rosell's frank is a lot of fun because hes clearly based on marder's dad and acts believably#a lot of writers struggle to capture his. frank-ness.#he's sort of suffered from like. bland pervy senile old man writing for a long time#and ross brought back him actually being a competent businessman#IM OUT OF TAGS IM SHUTTING UP
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Have you read escopeta’s homebound? It’s Wild and honestly daunting but I Highly recommend if you want a good Text :tm: of Jasico
i haven't read that fic, though i did look it up to bookmark it and uh...800 thousand words? is a lot? of words? i can hardly focus on a 30k fic i can't lie :')
i may try to read some of it, though it's pretty unlikely for me unfortunately. i will however link the fic if anyone wants to check it out because it does look like the post BoO fix-it fic we all need 💌
#i haven't had a fic reach 100k (yet—IR will) how do you write 800k Someone Check On That Author#said with admiration obv#i think it's because the author doesn't have a tumblr i think if i wasn't fuckin around on here all the time i'd be Too Powerful lmao#anyways#jasico#pjo#asks
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goes into tags for one of my fandoms. watches that one fandom's wheel of fortune swing back around to 'why are m*rder hornets building nests on my blog?'
#the metaphor is thus: someone in fandom wants to create a hornet character. no one wants to interact with hornets.#bc they sting and hurt irl. some people in comm might even belong to cultures where hornets hurt their relatives or themselves.#the hornet fan gets mad. we're oppressing them! we're mean because we won't write with them! then they think they hit a hail mary:#'how can you be mad at me writing a hornet when you guys play dragons and 0wlbears? they're way more deadly.'#and so we all shut up sit back and watch the hornet fan begin to panic that actual irl stinging hornets start circling their content#and entrenching themselves in fandom after a long winter hiatus bc everyone else sprayed them with pesticide last time they rolled up.#the whole house is infested. the hornet fan has to run. abandon blog. they swear they're not an actual hornet and don't understand why#their hornet-aligned content attracted real life hornets.#they realize the difference between irl hornets and the fictional dragons and 0wlbears.#all a metaphor for an irl h*te group that for some reason people want to romanticize/make cool villains around...#in a fandom based around the dragons and 0wlbears killing and eating hornets.#fuckin wild it's happening again.#out of stories#SIPPING MY MILK AS I SHAKE UP A BIG CAN OF FASH-B-GONE BC THE EDGY COLLEGE KIDS DON'T REALIZE SOME CONTENT IS ALWAYS GONNA BE P0LITICAL#AN ACTUAL MEMBER OF THAT GROUP IS JUST GONNA SEE PROPAGANDA WHEN YOU DRAW YOUR KAWAII OC IN THE UNIFORM --#WE'RE NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE WE'VE DONE THIS DANCE TO DEATH WHENEVER THIS SHIT EMBOLDENS THE ACTUAL ASSHOLES.#WHEN WE SAY 'HEY DON'T DO THAT' IT'S NOT COMING FROM A PLACE OF CENSORSHIP IT'S 'HEY YOU'RE GONNA GET STUNG WE DON'T WANT THAT.'#vent //#tbd //
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i don't think i've had a single good day or a good night's sleep in at least two straight weeks 😁😁😁😁😁
#shut up kell#misery! unbelievable despair!#kell what's wrong oh everything. everything actually thank you so much 🫶#i don't think i've ever cried this much in this little time. it's every other day right now#cancelled all my plans. can't even go outside to see my best friend for two seconds to grab her spare key in person. just a write off here#people at work are noticing. can't tell anyone what's really going on bc they'll pity me. and it'll do no good.#didn't finish raw last night and don't even care that i'm gonna miss part of smackdown on friday. that's how fuckin bad i'm doing.#and it will not get better 😁 bc the things that are really getting o me are unfixable in this current situation.#so i just gotta fuckin. wait to get used to this i guess.#just. tired. tired tired tired tired tired tired tired.#i'll delete this later and i'll be fine but i needed to bitch about it somewhere. thanks#i cry and i cry and i cry and i never ever fucking feel any better. i miss my baby brother and i hate that i fucking hate him
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sometimes I look at my handwriting and can really actually Tell I was taken out of class in the Early Elementary Years to relearn how to write bc no one could read my shit.
#personal;#sometimes I am legitimately angry at how much time in elementary school i spent not in class but in some OTHER class#between this and speech therapy I think ALL of elm school i was missing like about an hour or two of class a week which#doesn't sound like much. but if you do that in college your grades tend to start to notice#and like. I know that's a symptom of my issues not a cause of it. but sometimes I just get incredibly bitter like ~maybe~ I could be#successful like my brothers if it wasn't for that#like it's not also the everything else#but also like.#it was incredibly alienating bc while everyone else got to have social time in the classroom#I was in a whole different room bc I couldn't write/talk correctly#and it just kind of makes me resent the fact that I can now and can't even revert to messy writing and speech impediments if i tried now#like fuck maybe neither of those things was hurting fuckin anyone enough for that shit#anyway#this got away from me#wasn't supposed to be a Rant
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Guys this may come as a surprise but as it turns out i just might need ADHD medication. Like. Badly. shocker, i know
#this is supposed to be read in a joking tone. sarcasm mostly.#Because if you've been following this blog then it is SO OBVIOUS#but yeah who would have guessed that looking at people who can do tiny doodles every day and going 'i could never do that' isnt normal#or the fact that posting on social media takes multiple hours of scripting in my head and the same amount of spoons as taking a shower#so the concept of regularly posting on a blog (hi there blog reader. this is the blog) is so cosmically far away for me that i literally#cant imagine all of the fandom people i love not being literal deities of the internet and algorithm conquerors who always know what to do#I HOPE THIS IS PUTTING IN PERSPECTIVE HOW BIG OF A REVELATION FOR ME THIS IS#I LITERALLY COULDNT COMPREHEND HOW PEOPLE COULD JUST “POST STUFF ON THE INTERNET” WITHOUT CAREFULLY CURATING IT AND THINKING ABOUT IT FOR#WEEKS AT A TIME BEFORE SHARING. MEMORIZING ALL THE TAGS TO PUT ON IT FOR PEOPLE TO SEE. How people could just post anything at all.#without wanting to give up before you even start#damn so. executive dysfunction sure fuckin is huh#i hope this helps give insight into the struggles i'm facing writing steady tracks or sharing content of my other aus online in the middle#of college/now having a job. its been hard but i havent been able to justify why until right now#so every time i post#please assume it is a cry for help 🤣#Tag Ramble#Not Submas
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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billions(tm): it's incredible how we just provide a little snippet of material designed to be "guy we all want to push down the stairs immediately somehow" and through this amazing acting alchemy it becomes gold. electric. magnificent. we can't get enough so we will just keep writing this loser character and the actor will somehow keep bringing the dazzling transmutation through his ability
actor will roland: [is aware autistic people are real]
#this is at least half humorous in several ways lmao but also like fr...#winston billions#will roland has pretty much said he is aware that autistic people real. and not [ppl's utterly off the walls assumptions abt what Defines#Autism or what an Autistic Person is like and how you would Know]#i don't think that Billions(tm) would be very much better at that than re: say; taylor's being nonbinary (surprisingly alright yet. u kno)#quant kid 2 could've been anyone but writing Winston is like so certainly the common deal of the inadvertently autistic character#drawing from all the autistic people allistic ppl encounter all thee time without being aware & deciding they're annoying / jerks / too#weird to live too pathetic to die / grating nerds / Funnily Odd in a way you deign to merely raise an eyebrow or scrunch your face at....#so on so forth. ''oh you know Those People we all know who are just Like That''#and deciding they must be ''just like that'' b/c they're either too arrogantly rude &/or clueless / Unaware to be neurotypically superior#also do not get me wrong lmao big old proponent of Did You Know That? Actors Act. Now You Know#so of course yes will's acting is off the shits i mean here i am am i right. and he is using it when he is acting.#the acting talent Is off the shits. the tiniest moments they give him & he CRUSHES KILLS it really is amazing i'm not waving it off at all#cue twitter randos so betrayed when kelly aucoin is not dollar bill & is like ''yes in my acting job i'm playing this fuckin asshole''#meanwhile i'm still following the interviewer who a) asked will anything abt billions b) talked abt the immediate striking intro of will's#as quant kid 2 And the immediate draw of / effervescent dynamic between winston & taylor. Someone Who Gets It#anyway it's like will can fathom that actually the people who are Always ''acting wrong'' w/their bad grating vibes no matter what they do#are not always Those People(tm) who We all know & loathe right....thee magic of knowing winston can be someone fully earnest#and of course always actually trying; & having perfectly comprehensible wants & needs. damn how's he doing that#bringing a certain je ne sais quoi to this Insufferable Loser Nerd material! so we don't mess with the process.#i.e. we will only ever let his role get dunked on forever b/c sure can't fathom anything else anyways. our Correct characters could never..#only tuk; adjacent in wrong nerd loserdom; can be his friend. rian who is correct but zany with it can be his abusive friend
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i have too many vanitas headcannons that i just have rattle around in my head
#mun in the moon [ ooc ]#i have no idea how he got to me so badly on this playthrough of KH#i think he only knows like. fire magic and maybe one or two other spells#i think he doesnt know healing magic at all#i know that boy doesnt know how to read and write he was raised in the KEYBLADE GRAVEYARD by XEHANORT#i think he doesnt do training matches he acts like hes fighting to the death in every fight ever#hence why he just fuckin#flops on the ground after so many fights in bbs#he just puts his entire strength and all his energy into every fight so viciously he doesnt keep stamina#so after it hes just absolutely winded#holding my head in my hands. boy whos anger comes from a deep sense of lonliness and envy because hes been alone all his life#and wants what ventus has so bad cause hes gotten so many looks into it#but he thinks the only way he can Stop feeling like that is straight up just dying. and becoming whole with him again#cause he hasnt been given the space to breathe and deprogram himself from thinking hes a monster not made to exist#which. it doesnt help in the bbs times darkness was way more villianized people didnt think you needed both!!!#so everyone would've just been like ew youre mad of darkness youre evil right away anyways even without the xehanort influence#i know he hates looking at his reflection and so many parts of himself cause hes like ew im just a mismash of ventus and sora#my boys lack of a sense of identity out of being a weapon or feeling like something not meant to exist#just meant to die to fulfill a bigger purpose and become someone else again#everyone else is trying to get out of the heart hotel hes trying to get IN#anyways. im normal now.#i have so many other thoughts but i cant word them just yet. boy who i adopted 3 days ago rotting my head
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me, encountering a photoshoot of or interview with an actor who plays a fictional character I am Not Normal about, out of costume and character and living their life as an actor, unexpectedly and abruptly reminding me that the fictional character does not in fact exist or have a life or interiority and is in fact portrayed by a Real Fucking Person who does exist and has thoughts and goals and dreams and a whole life entirely unrelated to that nonexistent fictional character, and could hypothetically stumble across my Being Not Normal On The Internet about one of many characters they pretended to be in exchange for a paycheque: ah lads not again
#yes I am aware that some actors do get as attached to (some of) their characters and flesh them out the same way I might#but also like. how fucking weird must it be to just be doing a job for a paycheque#a job you probably like! but still a job. and like. a role you have no particular attachment to you're just reading the lines they gave you#and some rando comes along with all these like. ~deep insights into the psyche of~ this made-up guy with your face#and all of those ~deep insights~ are equally made up#anyway I Know know that it's all just an elaborate game of pretend but sometimes. sometimes the real world intrudes unexpectedly#and sometimes you find out the actor's been reading fanfiction of his character smoochin' with another character#and could hypothetically have stumbled across your fervent and slightly feverish treatise on how that character likes to fuck#there is. a reason why we don't tell the people involved in making the canon about the fanfiction lol#to be clear. this dose of reality is not a bad thing. just makes it. extremely fuckin weird to think about the character for a bit.#yes i Know the character is not real and the actor is not the character. at all times.#but the reminder that the actor and I share a reality and they could hypothetically see me caring WAY too much about something they made?#unconscionable. when I am vampire witch queen of the universe actors will have to live in a pocket dimension where they can't get internet.#and can live their lives in blissful ignorance of the weird shit I want to write about nonexistent people who have their faces.
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oh my god.
#I need to journal to write this stuff down#I get too fuckin slutty when I’m drunk I think because I think my boyfriend would like it#which is problematic but anyway#I like doing it and we were just like. grinding on each other last night#and I WISH I remember exactly what happened#but I asked him like. do you twitch on purpose? and he said not all the time. I said that’s mean#and he said something that was about how I kinda twitch back when he does that.#and he said. are you gonna do something about it?#I’m literally. that was so fucking hot
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Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this
#speculation nation#daydreaming of the early discacc days when i wrote 70k words in 3 weeks. those were the days...#im just... so tired and wrung out and everything is so fucking hard#im barely even Doing anything besides working. my apartment is in horrible shape rn.#what is it about grief that makes life so hard to live man. you lose a cornerstone to your life and suddenly everything is in shambles#and i know he wouldnt have wanted this for me. for me to be Barely functioning bc my brain has been so bad in response#im alive im going to work im feeding myself and showering every day#but i havent been doing the dishes i havent taken out the trash theres Stuff all over my floors and cat messes i havent cleaned#and i dont have the energy for any of it. i get home i eat and then i climb into bed. rinse and repeat.#im just... tired. im so very tired.#i keep wanting to turn to my hobbies to cope with things but it's so fucking hard to stick to#constantly oscillating between manic moods where i think i can finally start moving on (but i dont have the focus to do writing)#and depressive moods where Good Fuckin Luck doing anything besides laying in bed#if you couldnt tell im in the second boat right now. in bed as we speak. and so i shall remain until it's time to go to work#at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think#get out of the apartment. experience nature. pick up a snail. you know how it goes.#i kinda feel bad for entering a fandom and trying to dig out a place for myself and Kind Of succeeding#i have a good handful of followers. people who wanna see more of my analysis and fanfic#but i havent posted anything significant in like a month bc i have belonged to the void. all month.#losing family will do that to a person i guess. doesnt stop me from being frustrated though.#negative/
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