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#how do you write if not thinking all the fuckin time
deesixxs · 1 day
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CW; breeding k!nk, slight choking k!nk, very rough and dark!abby. That’s all I can really think of, have fun!
Authors note:
Dni if ageless, under 18 or a man!!
Thank you for reading this, this is my first ever time writing a fic, if I need to do anything to improve please let me know! This is the raw unedited version and I hope you enjoy
Love yall!
You have never been so bored, so horny. Abby was at the gym and you had nothing to do except lay on the bed and wait around. You groan and you grumble when an idea pops into your mind. Sure, it’s dumb and possibly dangerous. You decide to give Abby a call. Calls are only reserved for emergencies but you being this horny should count as one. The phone rings and you are met with no answer. You try again about 4 more times before she answers. “Is it an emergency?!” She sounds panicked. “I’m horny and I need you.” You respond back. She’s furious. “Really? Are you serious? Fuckin’ wait until I’m home” she hangs up the phone and you got the answer you expect, but not the one you wanted. You wanted her to speed home and fuck you the moment she walks in the door. You begin to grow impatient and start to touch yourself, you pick up your phone and take a picture, sending it to Abby. You know it will drive her mad and it will get you in trouble, but maybe that’s the fun of it. You don’t receive a message back, she only leaves you on read. It’s what you would expect from her but still, you wish you could see her face when she received the picture. About 10 minutes later you hear the door slam and a heavy bang of her gym bag on the floor. The sound of footsteps filling your ears along with the fast thump of your heart. You know you’re in deep shit. The door slams open and you feel hands wrap around your ankles and pull you towards the end of the bed. The blonde girl sits down next to you on the edge of the bed and then props you over her knee. You know what’s about to happen. And you know it’s going to hurt and there will be no mercy. “Fucking whore. You couldn’t wait hm? You wanted to get punished didn’t you? So fucking stupid.” She strikes your ass open palmed with a thwack. “Answer me you little shit. You wanted this?” Your mind races, barely able to form coherent thoughts. “Y-yes” you finally mumble out before another blow meets your round, and now red ass. She grabs you by your hair and throws you onto the bed, your ass up in the air, facing her. She places her cold hand against your spine and pushes down, making you arch. Without warning she licks a fat stripe from your clit all the way to your hole. She slurps up all your juices mercilessly. She kneads your ass and smacks it once more before grabbing you by your neck and pulling your back to her chest, you let out a small whimper and a yelp. “You gonna be a good girl and listen to me? Huh, princess?” Her hot breath tickling your ear and your neck. She pushes you with full force back against the bed before she stands back up. You already know what she’s going to grab, you don’t have to see to know what’s going on. You hear her rummage through the closet before pulling out a black box. She pulls out a breeding strap and buckles it to her hips. She sits back on the bed and without warning she slams deep into you, immediately hitting your cervix. You let out a loud yelp and your back arches upward. It hurts, the immediate impact to your insides. She doesn’t care, she keeps going and continues to pound fastly into you. “God, so fucking tight. Look how this pussy just swallows and begs for my cock.” She whispers in between thrusts. You can feel her hips start to falter and her breaths get quicker, you know she is about to cum, and so are you. You’re quick to get to the edge just before she runs her finger over your clit, rubbing tight circles. It makes you cum instantly, you let out a loud moan of pleasure, “good fucking girl, just wait, I need to cum..” she’s overstimulating you, chasing her own release, and just as she cums, you feel a warm fluid filling your insides, you can feel it drip down your thighs, she pulls out in awe, seeing the cum drip out of your wet and puffy pussy. She is quick to take off the strap and grab you water. “Here, drink” she passes you the water and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear before kissing your forehead. “Was I too rough? Are you ok? I’m sor-“ you cut her off with a kiss to shut her up “it was perfect my girl, I love you”
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ninnosaurus · 2 days
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Three’s a Crowd: Two vs. One
I've had this silly thing from my topside AU in my head for literal AGES now and I just had to write it out.
Contains: Brotherly shenanigans. Mikey and Raph decides to tap dance on Leo's every nerve during a car ride by blasting music Leo can't stand. (It's CupcaKke, they're blasting 'Duck Duck Goose' with the sole purpose of pissing Leo off in public). Bayverse.
Warnings: Vulgar language, but it's literally just song lyrics
Leo laid half on his couch, half off it, his iPad resting on its stand on his plastron. He'd been watching the same livestream for about two hours. Not moving from his place. He was bored. Out. Of. His. Mind.
He'd already done the chores. Laundry was folded and put away. He'd scrolled his forums. Checked the auction sites. Nothing.
Groaning he picked his iPad up, got off the couch and trudged to the kitchen where he heard the familiar tune of a FaceTime call coming in. Touching accept he put the pad on the counter next to the fridge.
"Hey, Raph."
Leo smiled to himself when he heard the familiar sound of a large family in the background.
"Who are you calling?!"
"Guys, guys. Tone it down a notch, yea?"
Raph grunted as he was attacked and his arms pulled down.
"Leo."
Leo chuckled to himself, leaning back and watching Raphael get tugged at. Two faces came into view before his brother managed to yank himself loose. "HI UNCLE LEE!"
"Offsprings. Go harrass your mom instead." He shook his head as his face came back into view. "Tanner and Harls says hey."
The oldest popped a grape into his mouth. "I noticed. What's up?"
"Me and Mike are going grocery shopping, ya in?"
He chewed slowly, contemplating the offer. It's better than sitting at home, but he's also probably going to get shit he don't need.
" 'kay, I'm in. Pick me up in 20?"
"Mhm."
"Hey, boys!"
Their oldest brothers slapped them both on their shoulders as he climbed into the backseat. They chat about anything and everything for a while, until Mikey pipes up as he notice how they get closer to the city.
"Oh, yeah? Ya hear that, Fearless? Mikey has a new sound system."
"Sooo... I got a hold of Don the other week and we put a new sound system in my car."
The turtle next to him picked up on the tone of his brother's voice, catching on right away.
Dread. Fear.
"No!" Grabbing ahold of Raph's back rest he pulls himself forward. "Don't."
At a red light, Mikey pulls his phone up. "Let's try it out!"
All it takes for Leo to want to die is to hear the first sound of the song, before long he's trapped in a car with two brothers singing along to the song.
"Mikey, please turn it off!"
I thought I came but I peed on the dick
Pubic hair got inches, that's weave on the dick
Pussy like a tree, it got leaves on the shit
"Turn it UP? Yeah I can turn it up!" He cackles as he cranks the volume up even more. The bass making the sides of the car vibrate.
"WHAT? NO! Ughh..." Leo rubs his face with his hands before putting them over his ears. He fuckin' hates this music...
"My cakes got fatter by usin' cum as the batter!"
My nudes in your phone, takin' up your data
My cakes got fatter by usin' cum as the batter
Raph nudged Mikey on the arm. "Man, it's WARM out today!"
The voice of Raphael brings Leo back to the now. "No! Absolutely not! Don't you fucking dare do what I think you're about to, Raph!" He looks on in fear as another red light is coming closer and closer, fearing what is about to go down.
"You're right, bro. It IS warm out today. I'll lower the windows for us!"
I only call you Captain, 'cause your dick is off the hook
I can make your dick stand up (are you ready?)
Like Statue of Liberty once we fuck (so hard)
"MICHELANGELO! I am BEGGING YOU! Turn. It. Off or I'm disowning your ugly ass!"
His brother just laughed as he continued to sing along, albeit being way too into it.
"Cut the dick off, took it home with me, 'cause any dick that long, it belong with me"
Just in time for them to stop at a red light. All of the car's windows are down. It was enough for them all to already be famous for being the savior of human kind, and for allowing other mutants to walk the streets.
"This pussy iconic, yeah it moan with me, put your finger in the hole, come bowl with me."
Turn double-dutch with yo' balls while I'm jumpin' on your dick
Tell your grandma sew my pussy, since you split open my clit
Coochie guaranteed to put you to sleep so damn soon
Ridin' on that dick, I'm readin' Goodnight Moon
Ugh... I'm not looking forward to seeing this on Twitter later.
Some girls next to him laughed as he saw them pull up a phone, obviously filming how the youngest was grinding his hips in tune with the song. With Raphael laughing so hard he was having a hard time breathing. Meanwhile, Leo was trying, but failing, to hide from everything.
The brief thought of faking his own death and moving back into the sewers crossed his mind.
Taglist: @redsrooftopprincess, @the-cauldron-witch, I have to tag @thelaundrybitch too because Leo is s u f f e r i n g and needs a hug.
Lemme know if you want on iiiit!
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deoidesign · 2 months
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just to inquire, what’s your favorite thing you sell in your shop?
i love your comic!
Oh thank you!
And my favorite thing... That's hard to answer haha
I like selling prints because I get to use my nice printer (which I love to do) and I especially love selling custom panel prints, because then I get to see people's favorite panels from my comic, which is double nice...
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The most fun items to pack are the merch bundles which are themed with my books, I LOVE coming up with packaging design like this so much...
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But my favorite design has gotta be one of these... Probably the patch, there.
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It's really hard for me to pick!
I actually genuinely just am really passionate about product design and merch themeing, it's not only extremely fun for me but it also just really engages my brain. I love coming up with items that fit a theme, and there's no theme I love more than my own comics haha
So there's not much I could enjoy more! That's why I chose to do a merch club on patreon, it lets me get out my merch-y feelings but without overloading my storefront... Plus it's just really fun for me! I get to experiment, make little packages, and enjoy making new things.
Thank you for asking!
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Remembering the toxic hellscape that was 2015-2019ish SU fandom and just how much hate the show got is really insane when you rewatch the show after it's been a while. Like the show is good what the hell were any of these people talking about
#do NOT quote me on those numbers i pulled them straight out of my ass#like the ending was rushed and the diamonds didnt get to be fully developed but liek#the whole reason that was the case is there was an entire 6th season planned#and then the show got axed early because rebecca sugar and crew refused the back down on the rupphire wedding.#and even rushedness aside like the point of the show was never that you should hug fascists and forgive people no matter what#the diamond were rose's (and his) dysfunctional family whose personal suffering became the basis for the cruelty of gem society#bismuth in The Real World would have been right to want to kill the diamonds as a force of revolution#but the point of the show is that even the most complicated people are still people who can change. even if you dont forgive them#even steven quartz universe the most loving boy in the world very obviously does not like being around the diamonds. but that is how it is#it was a children's show that emphasized compassion and communication and family as themes. of course steven didnt kill the diamonds lol#i really fully believe the stevenbomb format (which was not the crew's choice or fault) cooked peoples' brains#you had months between major arcs so every wrongdoing by a character had months to be warped and misinterpreted and so no resolution could#ever satisfy fans who were festering with their own opinions for way too long#like these arcs looking back are not that long and they resolve in fairly reasonable manners but they took fuckin forever in real time to#wrap up#and ppl on the internet with no other hobbies than arguing made the fandom suck to be in and gave su a bad name#even if you dont like steven universe i think the amount of vitriol thrown at the show is/was fucking INSANE for what it is lmaooo#people were so so jolly to accuse rebecca sugar (a jewish lady) of being a fascist/fash sympathizer and paint every writing shortcoming or#morally dubious character action as a sign of pure fuckin evil#ok that was a long ass fuckin rant in the tags i am so sorry i'm just kind of opinionated on this matter as i am all matters#i've been rewatching su with my dad lately and this very normal and well paced and fun watchthrough experience has been illuminating#just how insane and uncalled for the hellish discourse sphere around su was/is#i say was/is i have no idea what su discourse is like nowadays. i'm too scareds to look in the su crit tag
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dennisboobs · 11 months
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do you guys ever sit and remember that dennis takes a mental health day is an episode that exists
#ada speaks#i think i could probably recite the entire one sided phone conversation he has with daisy by heart and i havent seen the ep in months#i don't know how to explain it but#from what little ive read of ross' writing it feels like. when you click onto a fanfic and you feel immediate deep trust of the author#like it just clicks#the cookbook characterization specifically. is like.#i would put my life in your hands#and im sure we will get more eps by him and i really hope that continues because i think its been a very long time since the shows had#writers that i feel Get the characters in a way that feels effortless rather than. overcompensating.#like you can smell that writer's signature no matter how hard they try to cover it up with jokes and subversions#which isnt always a bad thing and im sure if we do get more maloney eps i'll pick up on his writers quirks too#but it doesn't feel like he's trying to copy anyone/pull from old eps it feels like he has a good grasp on things which makes it feel fresh#i find that long running shows hit a point where episodes start to feel less cohesive and more like. segmented short films#but if you have a really good group of writers and they find their groove its like. yeah. ok.#i think season 3 is a good study because marder and rosell's influence is all over the entire season#later seasons you can literally just. Feel which eps they worked on because its got a completely different vibe from the rest of the season#16 still suffers from that segmentation but#i think all the first time sunny writers (and nina's first solo ep) were all absolutely fuckin bangers and they've got a good team in there#anyway. characterization of dennis flipflops a lot. but the rest of the gang arguably gets it worse at times#i think megan's dee is the absolute worst aside from conor galvin's#and i understand wanting to write her as a girlfailure who is just. horrible. but.#ok. comparing self help book dee to ross' cookbook dee. i dont even have to say anything do i.#she's like. The Woman. in the self help book. and i fucking could not stand it. ross' dee is so perfect though#and his frank. MAN.#EVERYONE FUCKING RUINS FRANK.#i think marder and rosell's frank is a lot of fun because hes clearly based on marder's dad and acts believably#a lot of writers struggle to capture his. frank-ness.#he's sort of suffered from like. bland pervy senile old man writing for a long time#and ross brought back him actually being a competent businessman#IM OUT OF TAGS IM SHUTTING UP
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ybcpatrick · 2 days
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i don't think i've had a single good day or a good night's sleep in at least two straight weeks 😁😁😁😁😁
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lesenbyan · 5 days
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sometimes I look at my handwriting and can really actually Tell I was taken out of class in the Early Elementary Years to relearn how to write bc no one could read my shit.
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Guys this may come as a surprise but as it turns out i just might need ADHD medication. Like. Badly. shocker, i know
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cicadaknight · 27 days
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that movie where alan rickman concocts a plan to prove his devotion to a greasy twink, norman reedus, by having the twink seduce his hot wife and murder her with a magic trick so they can live together forever in her grandfather's island cabin as gay lovers.
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dbphantom · 4 months
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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billions(tm): it's incredible how we just provide a little snippet of material designed to be "guy we all want to push down the stairs immediately somehow" and through this amazing acting alchemy it becomes gold. electric. magnificent. we can't get enough so we will just keep writing this loser character and the actor will somehow keep bringing the dazzling transmutation through his ability
actor will roland: [is aware autistic people are real]
#this is at least half humorous in several ways lmao but also like fr...#winston billions#will roland has pretty much said he is aware that autistic people real. and not [ppl's utterly off the walls assumptions abt what Defines#Autism or what an Autistic Person is like and how you would Know]#i don't think that Billions(tm) would be very much better at that than re: say; taylor's being nonbinary (surprisingly alright yet. u kno)#quant kid 2 could've been anyone but writing Winston is like so certainly the common deal of the inadvertently autistic character#drawing from all the autistic people allistic ppl encounter all thee time without being aware & deciding they're annoying / jerks / too#weird to live too pathetic to die / grating nerds / Funnily Odd in a way you deign to merely raise an eyebrow or scrunch your face at....#so on so forth. ''oh you know Those People we all know who are just Like That''#and deciding they must be ''just like that'' b/c they're either too arrogantly rude &/or clueless / Unaware to be neurotypically superior#also do not get me wrong lmao big old proponent of Did You Know That? Actors Act. Now You Know#so of course yes will's acting is off the shits i mean here i am am i right. and he is using it when he is acting.#the acting talent Is off the shits. the tiniest moments they give him & he CRUSHES KILLS it really is amazing i'm not waving it off at all#cue twitter randos so betrayed when kelly aucoin is not dollar bill & is like ''yes in my acting job i'm playing this fuckin asshole''#meanwhile i'm still following the interviewer who a) asked will anything abt billions b) talked abt the immediate striking intro of will's#as quant kid 2 And the immediate draw of / effervescent dynamic between winston & taylor. Someone Who Gets It#anyway it's like will can fathom that actually the people who are Always ''acting wrong'' w/their bad grating vibes no matter what they do#are not always Those People(tm) who We all know & loathe right....thee magic of knowing winston can be someone fully earnest#and of course always actually trying; & having perfectly comprehensible wants & needs. damn how's he doing that#bringing a certain je ne sais quoi to this Insufferable Loser Nerd material! so we don't mess with the process.#i.e. we will only ever let his role get dunked on forever b/c sure can't fathom anything else anyways. our Correct characters could never..#only tuk; adjacent in wrong nerd loserdom; can be his friend. rian who is correct but zany with it can be his abusive friend
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aethergate · 6 months
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i have too many vanitas headcannons that i just have rattle around in my head
#mun in the moon [ ooc ]#i have no idea how he got to me so badly on this playthrough of KH#i think he only knows like. fire magic and maybe one or two other spells#i think he doesnt know healing magic at all#i know that boy doesnt know how to read and write he was raised in the KEYBLADE GRAVEYARD by XEHANORT#i think he doesnt do training matches he acts like hes fighting to the death in every fight ever#hence why he just fuckin#flops on the ground after so many fights in bbs#he just puts his entire strength and all his energy into every fight so viciously he doesnt keep stamina#so after it hes just absolutely winded#holding my head in my hands. boy whos anger comes from a deep sense of lonliness and envy because hes been alone all his life#and wants what ventus has so bad cause hes gotten so many looks into it#but he thinks the only way he can Stop feeling like that is straight up just dying. and becoming whole with him again#cause he hasnt been given the space to breathe and deprogram himself from thinking hes a monster not made to exist#which. it doesnt help in the bbs times darkness was way more villianized people didnt think you needed both!!!#so everyone would've just been like ew youre mad of darkness youre evil right away anyways even without the xehanort influence#i know he hates looking at his reflection and so many parts of himself cause hes like ew im just a mismash of ventus and sora#my boys lack of a sense of identity out of being a weapon or feeling like something not meant to exist#just meant to die to fulfill a bigger purpose and become someone else again#everyone else is trying to get out of the heart hotel hes trying to get IN#anyways. im normal now.#i have so many other thoughts but i cant word them just yet. boy who i adopted 3 days ago rotting my head
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figofswords · 2 years
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The Batman fandom has ruined the words replacement, coffee, cereal, green, pit and so many others lol. Every time I hear those words I just have a fight or flight response 😭
DONT even get me started. you should hear the sigh I make every time I see REPLACEMENT. like yes hate how are so many people so wrong
#whenever im writing Jason im always like. very carefully wording my away around having to use the word at all#bc it’s become such a fuckin Thing#like Guys that’s not How People Talk!!!!!!!!!#also ok last week I said I was gonna write out a short essay on some gripes I have about Jason characterization in the fandom#and like half of it has to do with ‘pit madness’ which. which. hrghfks#basically tldr about it. it’s some fucking bullshit that isn’t really like. canon supported#like ‘pit madness’ is a temporary thing immediately following immersion#and it’s THEORIZED that ra’s al ghul is bonkers evil bc of centuries of compounded use#but Jason went in ONE TIME and it wasn’t a full resurrection#and more importantly I THINK ITS A FUCKING COP OUT#oh here’s a deeply morally complex character who’s arc is defined by his tragedy and anger#what if uhhhh all of these complexities were caused by fuckin pit mind control or some shit and ACTUALLY he’s a good guy uwu#like WAY TO BE BORING I GUESS. GODDAMN#I don’t have evidence to support this but I suspect the whole concept came from morrison’s Jason arc#like as a way to explain why he’s completely off the rails there#but actually what you should do is ignore morrison’s arc bc morrison doesn’t know how to write Jason#ANYWAYS. Batman fandom is so annoying I’m gonna have to stop looking at it and just like#live in mt version of reality where I’m approaching comics from an increasingly scholarly angle#and read the good runs of the comics#and ignore whatever the fuck is going on with the Batman fans#asks#anonanonanonanah
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marypsue · 2 years
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me, encountering a photoshoot of or interview with an actor who plays a fictional character I am Not Normal about, out of costume and character and living their life as an actor, unexpectedly and abruptly reminding me that the fictional character does not in fact exist or have a life or interiority and is in fact portrayed by a Real Fucking Person who does exist and has thoughts and goals and dreams and a whole life entirely unrelated to that nonexistent fictional character, and could hypothetically stumble across my Being Not Normal On The Internet about one of many characters they pretended to be in exchange for a paycheque: ah lads not again
#yes I am aware that some actors do get as attached to (some of) their characters and flesh them out the same way I might#but also like. how fucking weird must it be to just be doing a job for a paycheque#a job you probably like! but still a job. and like. a role you have no particular attachment to you're just reading the lines they gave you#and some rando comes along with all these like. ~deep insights into the psyche of~ this made-up guy with your face#and all of those ~deep insights~ are equally made up#anyway I Know know that it's all just an elaborate game of pretend but sometimes. sometimes the real world intrudes unexpectedly#and sometimes you find out the actor's been reading fanfiction of his character smoochin' with another character#and could hypothetically have stumbled across your fervent and slightly feverish treatise on how that character likes to fuck#there is. a reason why we don't tell the people involved in making the canon about the fanfiction lol#to be clear. this dose of reality is not a bad thing. just makes it. extremely fuckin weird to think about the character for a bit.#yes i Know the character is not real and the actor is not the character. at all times.#but the reminder that the actor and I share a reality and they could hypothetically see me caring WAY too much about something they made?#unconscionable. when I am vampire witch queen of the universe actors will have to live in a pocket dimension where they can't get internet.#and can live their lives in blissful ignorance of the weird shit I want to write about nonexistent people who have their faces.
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oh my god.
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orcelito · 1 year
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Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this
#speculation nation#daydreaming of the early discacc days when i wrote 70k words in 3 weeks. those were the days...#im just... so tired and wrung out and everything is so fucking hard#im barely even Doing anything besides working. my apartment is in horrible shape rn.#what is it about grief that makes life so hard to live man. you lose a cornerstone to your life and suddenly everything is in shambles#and i know he wouldnt have wanted this for me. for me to be Barely functioning bc my brain has been so bad in response#im alive im going to work im feeding myself and showering every day#but i havent been doing the dishes i havent taken out the trash theres Stuff all over my floors and cat messes i havent cleaned#and i dont have the energy for any of it. i get home i eat and then i climb into bed. rinse and repeat.#im just... tired. im so very tired.#i keep wanting to turn to my hobbies to cope with things but it's so fucking hard to stick to#constantly oscillating between manic moods where i think i can finally start moving on (but i dont have the focus to do writing)#and depressive moods where Good Fuckin Luck doing anything besides laying in bed#if you couldnt tell im in the second boat right now. in bed as we speak. and so i shall remain until it's time to go to work#at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think#get out of the apartment. experience nature. pick up a snail. you know how it goes.#i kinda feel bad for entering a fandom and trying to dig out a place for myself and Kind Of succeeding#i have a good handful of followers. people who wanna see more of my analysis and fanfic#but i havent posted anything significant in like a month bc i have belonged to the void. all month.#losing family will do that to a person i guess. doesnt stop me from being frustrated though.#negative/
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