#how do you allos cope with this???

[that-girl-glader]

Guys.... I just did the most fanficcy thing😭

I am quite literally about to confess my crush on someone and ask them out with a scavenger hunt at school. OMYLORD. IDK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS. I'M SCARED.

[theodoraflowerday]

heartstopper s3e3 live episode reaction

omg the beginning of this episode with nick like the first episode of the past two seasons w charlie

THE RUGBY LADS

DARCY WEARING PANTS AAAAAAAA

bro it makes me *so* happy that imogen is now hanging out with the girls too like yeah babygirl get yourself a nice group of friends

NAOMI AND FELIX!!!!!!!!!

NATHAN AND YOUSSEF I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

JSKFJSKFJSKGJDKGK MS SINGH LMAO

she's so right I want them to be engaged by breaktime let them get married please

NO KISS? HUG FIRST

my lil baby boys who LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!!! THEY SAID ILY!!!!!!!!

oh they're just. full on making out then. huh.

i love how you can see the progression of their relationship, physicality wise. like that's two people who will be going at it raw and nasty in a few episodes

they're holding hands under the desk I want them to die

THIS ISN'T MR AJAYI'S HIPPIE CLASS KSKFKSLFKSLFKSLFIDLGUDOGI that's ur future husband

oh nick's following the whole plan he made with auntie diane I'm gonna sob

god charlie's making me so anxious idk how I'm gonna do it next episode

LNDLSKFLSFJSLFJ we get it elleargentupdates

TAO'S IG BIO NAKDOSIFOSIFLSJFSLIDLGIDOGK HE REALLY WAS SHORTER IN HIS PREVIOUS LIFE IM DYING

but also "you two need to get a life" same isaac

LMAO HE WALKED IN ON NATHAN AND YOUSSEF SKFJSKFJDK

oh

oh yeah the rules. the ocd. that's also massively important. oh lord

NICK

I THINK HE'S DATING MR FAROUK KSJFISJFISFJODFJDKFU ok gossips

oh nick's not gonna gossip is he

ok, trying to mentally prepare for this

oh okay that wasn't bad thank god

oh he fell asleep :(

TAO COME ONNNNN

"I love you" "aw I love you too" I'm gonna rip my tits off perhaps

AW I WISH I HAD A BOYFRIEND HSKFJSKFJDKFJ ME TOO JAMES not the boyfriend part, the general feeling of loneliness part

JAMES NO LMAOOOOOOOO someone save isaac from all these allos

ARE YOU AROMANTIC oh my god james I could KISS YOU

im not used to hearing the word "aromantic" so many times it's really starting to feel overwhelming

oh is the wrapping a compulsion? I see it

also friendly reminder that I would kill a man for victoria spring

tori's older sister magic working overtime huh

bro if one (1) nicktori scene has me in *shambles* idk how I'm gonna cope during this winter

✨FRIENDSHIP✨

IT'S LIKE A MINI CHARLIE AAAAAA

oh oh OH OH OH IMOGEN AND SAHAR

SEEMS A BIT GAY TO ME LETS FUCKING *GOOOOOOOO*

time to reunite the meddling gays? please? for me?

I LIVE for established relationship narlie please god let us keep this energy

darcy questioning being called a "lady" oh I am getting fed from EVERY angle this season

tao no

TAO DONT

OH FUCK

lmao not [imogen humming nonchalantly] jskgjdkgjdkgj me

IM NOT APOLOGIZING YEAH WELL I'M NOT APOLOGIZING EITHER COOL COOL COOL COOL COOL COOL

I love that imogen can just be like "oh yeah I used to be into nick" with her whole friend group that includes nick and the love of nick's life

sahar we GET IT you don't wanna hear about imogen's boyfriends we get it

LITTLE PLANE omg

elle calling tao out on his bullshit is so good we love elle

god. will gao is a national treasure

THEYRE *NOT* HAVING THIS CONVERSATION OVER FISH

oh my god nick should grow up and be a therapist honestly

UH ME AND SAHAR AREN'T A COUPLE - BUT WHO SAID WE WERE

MAYBE STOP ACTING LIKE A COUPLE THEN?????

"I don't think we're talking about fish anymore" yeah honestly darcy we kinda got that

WHEN I FIRST REALIZED I LIKED CHARLIE I CRIED AT AN AM I GAY QUIZ NOIOIOSKFLSJFKSJFKSJFKDFJDKFKDLFKDLFKDLFK

NICK IS WESR TO GODKFLDKFOSOFLFKDLFKDLFKDLFLDLFK

oh he's tired, baby boy :(

god tao I love you but you come on SO STRONG sometimes oh my god

"cause he can barely talk to ME about it" bro 😭😭😭😭😭

HE GOT HIM A LEMUR PLUSHIE I WILL *KILL MYSELF*

those casual I love yous are going to destroy me

YOU LIKE MY SMELL?????

oh that was absurdly precious

"oh wow it's wrapped very neatly" haha yeah..... about That........

I KNEW the sneak peek cut right before nick said "I love you" I KNEW IT oh my god

bro if they say ily one more time I might genuinely end it all

oh

yeah, speaking about ending it all

god

god if they don't shower them with awards after this I'm gonna petrol bomb every academy

Oh he's gonna read it

HE'S GONNA READ IT NO I WASN'T COUNTING ON THAT

oh well

that was a thousand times worse than I anticipated

like, a MILLION times worse than I anticipated

oh my god

and it's only gonna get worse I can't deal with this

[druidx]

Since this bit got cut in the plot rejig, but I'm still quite fond of the glimpse into Elo's character, I thought I'd share it. Please ignore the SPG issues - it's still raw.

The pair of them walk out and into the corridors of the City Hall. "So where are we going?" Nirric asks. "Actually," Elo says, "is there any possible way I can convince you to not follow me? The thing that I want to do is a bit of a personal situation and I'd like to do it alone, if I could." Nirric gives her a level gaze. "I'm sorry ma'am," he says. "But I like my head more than I like allowing you your privacy. I find I'm rather attached to my head, as it allows me to, you know, continue living." Elo stares. "King Storri wouldn't behead you just for letting me out of your sight for an hour!" she says. "He can, and he would. He'd do worse and all if you got into trouble while I was absent." "But… that's barbaric." "Aye, but such would be his wroth at me not performing this explicit duty. to be honest, I'd let him. I could not face my kin if I allowed myself to perform so shamefully." elo just stares at him. "Damn son," she says. "I know I have an overdeveloped sense of honour sometimes, but… yeah. damn." Nirric gives an easy shrug. "Either way, you're not getting out of losing me, even for a few minutes. so, I shall ask again, where are we going?" Elo stares at him, then sighs. "We're going to the training grounds associated with the Kord arena," she says. "Why?" "Because I want to get into trouble, in a controlled and orderly fashion." Nirric stares back at her. "Yeah. nope, you're going to have to explain that to me." he says. By this time they have gone down the elevator, and out the front doors and Elo hails a taxi for them.

"so, here's the thing," Elo says once they are safely ensconced in the taxi and on their way to the training ground outside the city limits. "I find my work restrictive sometimes. I get points where I find I cannot cope with the violence and horror I see on a daily basis, with no outlet to deal with it. I can't afford to lose my job, and so I can't afford to act on the urges I get towards some of the worst criminals we arrest – namely that is to destroy them wholly and completely. I must hold myself above and be better than the scum that we have to arrest and hope they will go 'down the river to the big house'. so to relieve myself I go to the Kord training grounds, where they have no qualms over under estimating a little girl like me, and so I can thoroughly thrash them, and get some relief from the trails of my day job." "So that's where we're going?" Nirric asks. "somewhere you can beat the living daylights out of someone in a free and safer environment. where there are clear cut rules of engagement and you can expect that no one will try and actually kill you." he nods "I think I approve of this idea. we, of course, have our own training grounds, but yes, I suppose our focus is on technique and restraint, not on how much damage one can do to another person without actually killing them." "Nirric," Elo says seriously, "you can't tell anyone about this, okay? No one living knows I come here." "Why not? It's a marvellous idea. I may have to suggest it to our instructions back home.." "Nirric, no. At least, not for a while. It can't look like you babysitting me and the idea has anything in common." He gives her a sideways look. "Are you… afraid?" he asks, surprised. "You never struck me as the sort of person that would be afraid of people thinking you were doing something to control yourself, and your urges and make you a better person." "I am not afraid," Elo states emphatically. "I… just don't want anyone to know." "Why?" "They… they might stop me coming. They might think less of me for being unable to control myself. For needing this crutch. People look up to me, did you know? It's unfair when there are so many other good officers, that I get held up as the example of good officership, but it still happens, and so I can't allow it to get out that I'm… not." Nirric quirks an eyebrow at her. "That sounds like fear to me. You're afraid to let people see you for a person with weakness like any other." "I have standards to maintain," Elo grumbles.

Nirric settles back and looks out the window as the houses outside get less grand, and then fewer and further between as the distance grows between them and the center of the city. "I think it's admirable," he says quietly. "I think you'll find that people will respect you more. You admit to having a weakness, but you can manage it. This sneaking off to let off steam and burn off the restless energy that brews from your job and the pressures from it is far more healthy than say turning to alcohol or other worse habits." he gives her that side long look again. "Perhaps, I may at least suggest it to his majesty? Some physical activity might lessen his nightmares," Nirric says quietly. Elo considers him for a moment, then looks away, out her own window. "Fine," she says, "but don't you dare let on that idea came from me. I find out you do and I will give you such an ass whooping." Nirric laughs. "You could always give me an ass whooping now, if you like," he says and gives a contemplative grin. "I quite like the sound of those bragging rights: me and the reforged blade of Toregurd met blow for blow, and though she kicked my ass to the curb like it was nothing, I still got to meet her in the arena and trade those blows." Elo lets out an indelicate snort and rolls her eyes, which makes him laugh again. "You people are ridiculous," she says. "Sure, and you're not?" he asks, to which she sticks out her tongue.

Soon enough, the taxi is crunching over the gravel car park in front of a large building. They get out, and Nirric insist on paying the cab fair, saying King Storri gave him spending money for her, and then they are walking up the steps to the building. It is a curious building, a mix of western brickwork and utilitarianism, with strong eastern influences shown in the scooping points of the roof tiles and large round windows. Nirric looks askance at her for it, and Elo gives an easy shrug. "Orock paid for part of it with profits from the plot hook. He uses it to train his students just as much as he does in the bar. Plus the federation that runs the Kord arena next to the plot hook likes to keep their own students on the edge, so the merging of disciplines helps keep both parties sharp." "How do you even know about this place then?" Nirric asks. "I trained with Orock for a spell myself," Elo says. "I had a very privileged training regime," she adds at his raised eyebrows and open mouth. "I see," he says, and then he laughs. "I bet that's had a hand in the way you obsess over the standards you have to keep up too. All those people poured all that effort and time and cash into making you the best you can be; anyone would feel churlish if they didn't replace that with being the absolute best they can be." Elo graces him with a soft smile. "Now you understand," she says. "Now you know why no one can know I come here. Standards-" "-to maintain," he finishes for her. "Yeah I think I'm getting it."

[agentofanarchy110]

I’m sad and alone (bit of a rant, tw not-exactly-pride?)

See, aro pride and all that, but personally it’s not something I would choose to be if I had the option

damn you aro-ness complexity

(I’m sorry fellow aros I’m still proud for you I just find it a bit upsetting for me)

see I thought I was allo till like a month ago and then it finally clicked

like: I love slow burn but find the relationship part boring like WE KNOW YOURE TOGETHER NOW SHUT IT

I’ve always been a naturally flirty person but I never realised that’s just my personality I DON���T actually want people coming after me I just love our bantz yk 😭

I spent seventeen years of life wanting a romantic relationship only to realise I'd hate being in one

And I know no one who’s both ok with QPR and into me in a qpr way(all my friends are purely besties only, yk?)

WHY MUST I BE LIKE THIS ITS TORTURE

if someone can magic away the “wants a relationship” part of me please do so

hey fellow romance positive aros, I love you, but how the hell do you cope with this cause this is torture

I know some of you are just like “I dont feel attraction but romance still good” I’m more like “I feel attraction but romance icky” I just want cuddles and kisses on my head no fancy stuffs

help

[whiskeysmulti]

Only One Bed (KHR Fanfic)

Fandom: KHR Word Count: 1,013 Prompt: Only One Bed Ship: B59 (Bel/Gokudera) Characters: Belphegor, Gokudera Hayato Event Host: @flufftober

This was the last situation Gokudera thought he'd end up in. All he wanted was a peaceful night's sleep after the day he had. He'd run into his sister and now his stomach hurt and he had a week full of meetings with other mafiosi in the coming week to try and gain some kind of trust from some of them to eventually work out alliances to strengthen the Vongola's name. Now so tired he was practically a zombie walking into the hotel and dragging his feet behind him, he went to check in and was met with a slap in the face.

"All rooms are full sir." Damn it. He'd have to go to the next shady looking motel and see what he could do. All he needed was a single bed and some peace and quiet, it shouldn't have been so hard, right? Apparently it was. After driving across what felt like half of Europe he ended up finding a beacon of light in the dark.

A quick stop in Italy and a check of his passport and ID and he was ready to be booked. "You will have a roommate though, sir. Will that be alright?" It couldn't be that bad, right? He'd roomed with Ryohei and dealt with his snoring before. Who in the world could they put him in a room with that would be worse than that? Gokudera didn't know but he blindly accepted the room, paid in full for his stay and walked away hearing the women gossiping about his line of work.

"He paid in full? With a black card?" One whispered.

"How much do you think he will make in a year?" Another asked.

Gokudera didn't care what they said he was just thankful to have a bed to finally lay down on. He was used to girls throwing themselves at him and gossiping behind his back. After years of struggle he'd finally made a name for himself and worked his hands to the bone some days to get to where he was now, he earned a peaceful night's sleep. He didn't really care about sharing a room at this point as long as it wasn't a woman who tried to make an advance he didn't want and as long as it wasn't someone who snored he'd be fine, right?

However it was a different case as he opened the door and saw his temporary room mate and almost let Uri out of the box just so she could claw his face off.

"Ushi-shi-shi." Oh hell no.

That laugh, that blonde hair, that crown… his room mate was none other than the ripper prince, the Varia Storm himself, Belphegor. Gokudera was going to need them to send their strongest bottle of wine to the room, he'd need to drink at least half of it to deal with this shit. In fact at this rate he might need two bottles just to cope. "What the hell are you doing here? You're the guy they meant when they said I'd have to share the room with someone?"

"Ushi, shi shi. Ah, they sent me a peasant for entertainment this time? My royal blood deserves better than this." Bel protested.

"Oh shut the fuck up." This was the last thing Gokudera wanted to deal with. His blood pressure was about as high as it could go at this point and if he heard one more laugh out of the knife wielding bastard he'd snap, he swore it. He would not be held accountable for his actions after that point. He'd notify the Tenth as to what happened and why, they'd understand why he was arrested surely.

First though he needed to notify room service if he was stuck sharing not only a room, but also the same bed as this asshole he was going to either need a stronger drink or more than one bottle and definitely needed more cigarettes than what he had on him to get through this.

"Shi, shi, shi, why don't we make the best of this situation and snuggle, Hayato?" Bel teased. He was taking absolute pure delight in the look of disgust in the Vongola Storm's eyes. It wasn't as if he was too pleased with the situation either.

"Why don't you shove it up your ass, Prince the Ripper?" Gokudera fished his cigarettes out of his pocket and went to sit in the window to smoke. Most places didn't allow it he thankfully chose one room that did. Unfortunately the worst possible person to be stuck in the same room with, chose it as well and there happened to be only one bed.

"Shi, shi, shi, if you get cold it's okay to crawl closer, Hayato. I'll keep you nice and warm. We can snuggle." Bel laughed this time.

"I'll take the floor and snuggle with a cactus before I let you even touch me again." He didn't forget the numbing agent used on his shoulder to attach the wires Bel used against him to cheat in the ring battles when they were kids.

"You'll change your mind when it gets colder." Bel smirked.

"Oh fuck off!" Gokudera rolled his eyes and grabbed his pillow and casually made his way to the floor. He'd slept on concrete sidewalks before when he had nowhere else to go so one night on the floor was nothing. It didn't matter how cold he got or how much it hurt his back, he wasn't about to climb into that bed with his Varia rival, there was no way in hell. Mr. Prince could shove it for all he cared.

But as Bel looked down at him and patted the side of the bed, Gokudera shook his head. "I'm not falling for it."

"You'll get cold without a blanket, won't you?" Belphegor teased him.

"You keep to your side then." Gokudera wasn't going to let him win, but his back couldn't handle the cold hard floor for a whole night. At least that was his excuse for crawling under the covers with his Varia rival.

[imhere-imqueer-ilikedeer]

do it. wrote that monster essay of a post.

(/nf. talking about those like 40 something questions)

okay :D

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are? 

Figuring out i was queer 

Writing my book 

My friends 

show us a picture of your handwriting? 

what made you start your blog? 

I was introduced to tumblr via pinterest, and decided to make one :) 

what scares you the most and why? 

Not dying, but the effect my dying would have on people. Also choking. 

tell a story about your childhood 

Once I had spaghetti (probably about 6yo) and was so adamant that it tasted like tuna that i threw a fit. It did not have tuna in it, and I have never lived that down. 

would you say you’re an emotional person? 

Not really. 

what do you consider to be romance? 

I have no idea. That’s for the allos, not me, lol 

what’s some good advice you want to share? 

Sit outside in the dark and talk to the stars. It's fun. 

what are you doing right now? 

This. 

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”? 

My house, or this really specific vibe i sometimes get where the air is cold even when it’s not and I feel like the trees are whispering to me even when I'm not outside.  

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? 

Be able to not procrastinate.  

name 3 things that make you happy 

My dogs 

Darkness 

writing 

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens? 

I believe in ghosts in the way that when you die people still remember you, and ideas and images of you still exist. As for aliens, I’d say it’s near impossible that we are the only ones in this huge universe. 

favourite thing about the day? 

Just before bed. 

favourite things about the night? 

The stars and cold air. 

are you a spiritual person? 

In a sense, I guess? Not religion, but I like thinking about how things work. 

say 3 things about someone you love 

They’re loud and I’m not 

We both love the same things but we love them differently 

They make me feel actual emotion  

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for? 

My writing 

fave season and why? 

Winter because of fireplaces and rain and green plants. 

fave colour and why? 

Not sure, it changes a lot, usually some green blue or orange 

any nicknames? 

For some inexplicable reason my sister used to call me doughy. 

do you collect anything? 

Rocks, snowglobes, cool words, lists 

what do you do when you’re sad? 

Doomscroll until I feel better (we love healthy coping mechanisms) 

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier? 

My best friend 

are you messy or organised? 

organised 

how many tabs do you have open right now? 

5. I get stressed out if i have more than 7 

any hobbies? 

Writing. 

any pet peeves? 

When fans of sport say “we won” or “we did really well”. Why “we”??? I didn’t see you running out on the field??  

do you trust easily? 

Probably. 

are you an open book or do you have walls up? 

Walls.  

share a secret 

I think I'm a therian but the thought of another thing to figure out about myself stresses me out so I don’t think about it. 

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why? 

Thomas Sanders. Hopefully if you follow me you know why. 

any bad habits? 

Biting my nails. 

(i didn't answer some purely because i didn't know what to answer, but there you go :D )

[askanallo]

How do allos usually cope with/get over having feelings for people they see every day (like in the workplace or school or something idk) that they know they can't reasonably be with (maybe it's not appropriate maybe it's they know the other person doesn't like them)? Because I feel like that would be a special kind of hell. Or does that not happen? Are there places that allos never get attracted towards others in, like a forcefield barring feelings in certain places/situations?

You just ignore it and hope it goes away soon. Different people experience crushes differently, so for some it's more intense than others. For me it's mildly annoying, but I know a person who had to straight up stop talking to a friend because they developed feelings for them and it hurt too much to continue talking. It definitely can be bad if it's someone you can't just stop talking to, like a coworker.

Some people do stuff so it hurts less. Trying to avoid the other person is a common strategy, or imagining them doing unattractive things, or talking about their flaws with a friend.

I find that as people get more relationship experience, they become better at handling this stuff and possibly crushes get less intense.

[fictionalnormalcy]

So I finally had it happen to me. And goddamn if it isnt harder to come out in person than online.

I am on Bumble, started connecting with someone. As conversation was going so well, I felt I had to tell her. Before this continues, she deserved to know this about me. I am asexual.

Man did things crash after that. While we discussing potential first meetings, doing a facetime, now it’s we’re friends but I’m romantically moving on.

She needed physical intimacy, even if it wasnt immediate. Knew that if a relationship did come, she’d want something that maybe I couldnt give months into the future.

Which yeah, I do understand. But then there’s this other feeling of oh I fucked up why did I tell her? But no, I couldnt lead her on, what if we did go somewhere and then I hit her with this after we’ve potentially fallen in love with each other?

Someone please help me understand, how to cope with this feeling of guilt. Is this how it’s going to be? Coming out to someone properly but they dont want to take it another mile because you dont experience sexual desire?

I have heard of couples where one's ace and the other allo. But how do you reach that state of being compatible?

[creature-wizard]

whoo so this is going to be the mother of all run-on sentences lol. sorry. so I've very much *not* abandoned my own (highly idiosyncratic) spiritual beliefs or faith, but over the course of the past year I've pretty much withdrawn completely from the landscape of pagan/occult/alternative-spirituality communities for several reasons, but mostly a) the fact that I'm one of those stereotypical sex-and-romance-averse aroaces everyone likes to pretend doesn't exist and it's very difficult to find any traditions or communities that don't start from the assumption that you're allo, and b) I identify strongly as nonhuman/not from this world and have more of a connection to my true home than I do to where I currently live and earth-based practices can make me feel actively cut off from that part of myself at times. not really sure what kind of response I want from this I think I'm just asking how to cope with the loneliness when you don't really feel like any place in the community is really for you.

That sounds very difficult. One thing I know to do is to try and cultivate hobbies that can help you connect with other people (something artistic, maybe), and try to get involved in those communities.

The other thing I know to do is keep learning about stuff, and keep active where you can meet other people. Eventually you'll run into people you resonate with.

In the meantime, I hope people reading this understand that aro/ace acceptance/inclusivity leaves much to be desired, and that more work needs to be done to make sure spaces are welcoming to aro/ace folk.

[aro-culture-is]

Hello, hello! So I'm aroace (quoiromantic/aegoromantic and aegosexual) I'm content being single and only having friendships as my sole relationships but there are days when I don' t feel really good mentally and start to realize how alone I maybe am... I'd understand if my friends have other friends like that's cool but as soon as one of them is in a relationship I just feel left out??? I don't think I want a romantic/sexual relationship I just want a fellow aroace to be besties with and we can live together or maybe as neighbors but that's so hard to come by. My two good friends are in a relationship one has been in it for 2 or 3 years and the other has been in one for a year. I'm scared one day they'll just forget about me once they get married or have a family, I've been thinking about it but I've only been dismissing it as selfish thoughts. Or maybe its just me thinking I'm no ones favorite person or I'm not giving dating vibes, sometimes I do think I'm missing out on not having crushes or trying to ask someone out. People say there's someone for you but my friends are my someone. I don't really expect them to understand being allo and all... is there something I can do about this. Thank you and so sorry for the long ask.

hi,

I'm sorry this has taken a very long time to answer. I get a lot of questions with similar vibes to this, and honestly, it's very hard to give you a concrete idea of how to handle it, because it is inherently such a personal situation... and frankly one I'm intimately aware of with no particular answer to for myself.

Truth be told, my primary advice is that if it is reasonable for you, attend regular therapy. Find a therapist who you click with and work with them on determining how to live a life you're generally content with, how to cope when things are imperfect and real, and how to work within your means.

A lot of what I anticipate coming from that is learning how to healthily articulate and communicate your needs. Learning to accept "I feel scared that my friends will leave me" is a normal thought, and processing that in the context of your friends will be very personal. Does evidence from your relationship with those friends actually point to them leaving you behind completely - or is it something where it's more likely that they'll remain in contact, but to a lesser degree?

Regardless - how can you prepare yourself to accept those changes, and how can you take actions in those relationships that respond to that conscientiously? For example - I know that when I worry a friend is pulling away from our system, I don't have a very healthy response. I tend to encourage us to withdraw first, to see if they will reach out to me. This is easily mistaken by those friends as well... us no longer wanting to be friends with them, moving on, something along those lines. They may become worried - just as I am - that contacting each other is burdening someone who doesn't want that relationship, but doesn't want to create drama by ending it. They may worry that they're overstepping if they initiate the contact. They may assume I'm simply busy, or need space. And - by the time it becomes evident that neither of us has initiated in a bit - we both likely assume we're too late. I create a self-fulfilling prophecy in my anxious actions.

That, clearly, is not preparing. I could instead reach out, and directly ask, "Hey, I struggle with anxious thoughts around my friends leaving me. I wanted to let you know that, because I'm currently worried that [if you start a relationship, when our class together ends, after this project] I might lose contact with you, and I really appreciate having you in my life." Communicating my feelings, offering the other person a conversation that can be responded to, and still acknowledging internally that even if they leave, I will be okay - those are all things that allow me to respond to the situation right now.

This is long but just... I can't give you a solid "do this" type of answer. All I can say is that a therapist is an excellent resource if you're dealing with anxiety, depression, self-doubt, loneliness... anything, really. We can all practice healthier responses to our current lives.

If therapy isn't available for you for some reason - money, privacy, timing, location - I can't really offer a whole lot. I wish I could. I think it's useful to learn about cognitive distortions, and I think it's useful to practice grounding techniques while calm and see what feels right for you, so that you can utilize them when you aren't calm. I hope that with time, therapy can be on the table for you.

[fuzzydreamin]

Allo! Some asks for Alberta :3c

2. what sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favorite song?

5. how do they typically dress? does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics?

18. their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

29. are they associated with any particular element (air, earth, fire, water)?

2. What sort of music would they like? Have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? Do they have a favorite song?

Various punk. They'd probably listen to bands like The Cramps and Dead Kennedys - a lot of 70's-90's bands. I don't think she would have a favourite song, she doesn't really have hard stances on small things like that and it'd be more based on her mood at the time.

5. How do they typically dress? Does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics?

Black or dark leathers and denims usually. It's both practical in the material but also a statement due to the patches sown onto the jacket (there's more than just the Tunnel Snakes design on hers now).

They're pretty set in their wardrobe too, and don't like having to wear other things often. She's the kind of person who would mostly have multiple of the same thing in her drawers because that's both what is comfortable and liked aesthetically. If Al can get away with it they'll wear the Tunnel Snakes jacket over the Brotherhood jumpsuit if they have to wear it for some reason (they don't actually do Brotherhood stuff enough to need to wear it that often - however they don't hate the feeling of the jumpsuit either, it's similar enough to a vault suit after all).

Al does not like dressing in feminine clothing like skirts or dresses, and dislikes how certain fabrics, like lace or wool, feel on their skin.

18. Their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

Lying: Depends on circumstance. They hate being lied to, but they also have a lot of secrets they keep covered with lies all the time. Hypocrite. Though to be fair, her secrets could usually end up in people getting hurt if they get out, so... Generally they don't lie about smaller stuff, usually just because they don't care/can't be bothered to.

Stealing: Depends on who and why. Robin Hood type dealings here, if someone has something they don't need as much as someone else then it's perfectly fine. Especially if those things would improve lives and aren't just petty wants.

Killing: Natural state of the wasteland. Normalising death was something she did pretty quickly after leaving 101 just as a way to cope with what she had and still was going through. Also in a fight they don't tend to think too much about anything other than winning and being the one to get out alive. Al might linger on what they've done in the aftermath, in quieter moments, but they don't like to... They won't reveal it often, but they are haunted by the amount of blood on their hands and how easily it got there.

29. Are they associated with any particular element (air, earth, fire, water)?

There's a lot of fun that could be had with water symbolism in relation to the Project Purity plot, but generally I associate Al herself with air due to their transient nature. Also, if you mix both elements you get the chaotic destruction of storms, which I feel is also very apt for them.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

how does one deal with the feeling of missing someone? specially when you're selective about how you feel about touch and aroace and your relationship started as touch and comfort based and then developed and then distance seperates you and it's actually unavoidable? how does one make it work then? when communication and the time you can give each other gets limited because of other things? when it's not like a standard allo relationship, when the normal doesn't fit you, how does one make it work?

Are you in a long distance situation, Anon? Those can definitely be hard and a lot of people have a lot of trouble with them, so you're not alone in that. It's also hard when one or both of you is busy to make enough time for each other. I think all you can do in situations like this is do your best to make time for each other when you can.

It may also not be a bad idea to try and find other ways to help fill in the gaps in the meantime. This doesn't mean you don't care about the person you're missing or you're trying to replace them, it just means you're trying to continue to take care of yourself. For example if you're touch starved (I don't know if you are, but just an example), looking up ways of dealing with touch starvation may help. And if you're not comfortable touching anyone else, there are ways of coping with touch starvation that doesn't involve touching other people.

But yeah, it's important to make sure that your own needs are being met somehow as well.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[pozge-pridumau-snova]

Oh, now I can return the favor /lh

Since talking about hypmic, the first character I knew before getting into the series: Nurude Sasara

Sexuality: gay (no way he can be with a woman or I'm missing something) fits as both ace and allo

Gender: some flavor of non binary

Ships: I love him and rosho, but there's something magical about him and samatoki, it's like all the fun aspects are up to ten. Also I love these weird dysfunctional relationships when one is actually in love, while the other is too on some level, but also uses this as a way to cope with trauma

Brotp: To me lines between friendship and love are very blurry. But I think I see him and samatoki in the current timeline as exes who will make up and be friends, so them again

Notp: I love everyone, as long as you don't ship him with children I support it

Random hc: hmm I never liked him to the degree to came up with them. But I think it would be funny if he pierced his ears either after a break up in a "I dye my hair way" or to impress samatoki when they were still together

General opinion:

I'm not into hypmic that much currently, but I remember I was considering him as one of the best written characters in a franchise. His backstory may seem basic, but it works so well. Him not being able to relate to people in both "I'm a genius" and "I'm too focused on my trauma" ways is very interesting to look at

Also his random gangster phase, he went "be clown do crime" and bashed a guys head with a metal pipe

His music is um something, first solo literally has these clown honkers or how these are called. I also read a post about how genius the original lyrics are, like every line is some sort of pun and all. But you can't deny that it sound horrendous. And you know what I love it. Sensory overload my beloved (as long as it's music)

[soupedepates]

Emerens belongs to @hel-phoenyx , Maria Suzanna to @noa-de-cajou and Otto as well as Eudoxe to @imanoquest

TW mention of death. Hints of child abuse.

Aristophane has come this morning in Haneda for the cremation, with his girlfriend. I've never met her until now. She is one of Athens' University librarians. I haven't seen him since my last time in Greece, I was like, 14, so more or less a decade ago. Strange to realise he is more than a voice on the telephone. He looks... aged. But not old. He looks like someone in his forties, but someone who aged quite gracefully. Someone who didn't smoke too much. Nor drank too much. Someone with a balanced diet.

And Eirini, his girlfriend, holds his hand and glances at him from time to time, worried. About what? Aristophane seems to hold back his tears. Why do you feel the need to cry, uncle? Why you of all people?

"Your place is so clean, wow, I expected..."

"Well, I like having a tidy space", I interrupt him, "and as Eudoxe often crashes here, I don't want to make him sleep in a dump."

"You seem to have a lot figured out", Aristophane comments while trying to appear gleeful. "And thanks a lot for letting us stay here..."

"No prob, uncle, that's what family is for", I say without really believing in it. "I just have to take my shift at the club at 9 PM, but I'll leave you my keys, sounds good?"

"Do you want to know what the plan for the next few days is?"

"Don't really care but go on."

"We're going to fetch what can be in your father's apartment tomorrow morning", he sighs. "If you want anything, you can come with us. And we're going to incinerate the body in the afternoon. At 2. Eirene and I are supposed to be the only ones at the cremation. I asked Emerens if he wanted to join us, but I am not sure he will come. Do you..."

"Absolutely not. Eudoxe might, though", I suggest while preparing them my fold out sofa. "Oh yeah, if you want to eat out, the caff down the street is real good. I have lunch with a friend so, uh gotta go."

Eventually I arrive late at our rendez-vous. Eudoxe is already sat and has his nose on his book. He never left the academics. Good for him. He is a bright fellow. As for me, I can't put on any intellectual effort without it reminding me of you-know-who.

"Dang it, Aristophane had been buttonholing me, sorry", I sigh before taking place. "He is nice, but I can't stand his 'oh, Andreas, do you want this? Do you need that?'. Fuck it, man, all I need is a good bottle of champaign 'cause the bitch is dead".

My brother closes his book and smiles at me. He hasn't slept. He cried. Few people matter to me, and he is one of the happy few; I read his face as a cue to tone down my attitude. "What happens now?", he asks.

"Cremation tomorrow at 2 PM. Then they bring back the urn in Greece, and there will be a mass after the burial, I suppose."

"I always forget dad is technically a Byzantine Catholic. It's weird."

"Yeah."

"I... think I'll go. What about you?"

He is the only reason I would go. "Not sure yet. I won't be here tomorrow, that's for sure, but it's been quite some time since I've been to Greece so... I don't know."

"How are you coping with all of this?"

"Happily."

He gently takes my hand.

"Andreas, don't lie to your brother. I see you're doing poorly and I can't help but worry."

"He's dead, and I shouldn't care," I spit. "End of conversation."

"Andy..."

"What."

He sighs in return. "Did you call Maria Suzanna at least?"

"I doubt she would gladly hear about that."

I can't resist the appeal of a cigarette. I have been smoking on and off since at least my fourteenth birthday, and I don't know why it always felt comforting. I need to call Otto. I reach for my phone as I sit on the pavement. There's hardly anyone in this street, I can have a smoke and a talk on the phone without anyone bugging me. Which is, in Japan, quite impressive.

It rings.

Once.

Twice.

"Hm, allo?"

"Otto, do you hear me?"

"Oh Andy, what's the matter? You sound upset?"

His voice is so cheerful. He cares, and it shows. Otto sighs, for I don't answer. I hear a car drive right past him, he must be on a walk. He... takes care of himself, at last. That's a good thing.

"He's dead", I say bluntly.

"Who?"

"Him. You know who." I draw on my cigarette. "Organe failure. They're burning the body tomorrow and burying the ashes in Greece like, on Sunday. Do what you want of it."

He stays silent for a bit before answering: "How are you?"

"Fine. I'm glad, even."

"You're not," he retorts with a hint of compassion. "You don't speak like someone who's glad. You sound rather... woeful. Saturnine, even."

I grin at his vocabulary. Otto has always been stupidly literate.

"Oh, woe is me, my mother does not want to know me and my father died!" I exclaim. "I don't feel that bad, Otto, I swear". I crush my fag on the road. "I am handling it well. Maturely. You should see it."

"I am sure you're doing better than I think, but still. I worry about you."

So why did you abandon me when I was a child?

"I know. I promise it's all good. I just need to talk a bit."

I can't show up at the club wasted. A host completely drunk at the beginning of his shift is perfectly unprofessional. As such, to cool down, I called Maria Suzanna. I should ask her out one day. Can't work up the courage to tell her.

"Heyyy", she smiles. "Woah you look like you got run over by a truck."

"Fuck you, Maria."

"Awww, I should prolly get going then", she giggles as she starts to leave.

"No, please, stay!" I beg while snatching her by the wrist. "I need you. Don't leave me now. Please."

"Are you sad, babygirl?"

"My father's dead."

A minute.

"My mum told me", she admits. "I know you need me now. I'm staying."

I wake up with a migraine. Aristophane is already awake and prepares breakfast for all of us. Eirini reads on the couch.

"Sleep well?" I ask while stretching.

"Wonderfully", my uncle's girlfriend answers without looking at me. "We're leaving in an hour or so, would you care to join us?"

"Emerens will pick us up", Aristophane explains.

"Why him? Why not take a taxi?"

"He kindly said he wanted to help. You know he was, kind of, the only friend of your father."

Fucking blonde.

But here I am, next to the fucking blonde in his very own car. I don't know what motivated me.

"You'll see, the place has never been cleaner", he tries to joke.

"No empty bottle? No cigarette butt? No trash on the floor?"

"They threw and burned what wasn't salvageable. I think there are just the books, some albums and clothes."

"The plan is to give the clothes and the books to a charity", Aristophane completes from the backseat. "If you want to take some with you, it's the moment."

"He kept the photos, you know", Emerens mutters to me.

"What photos?"

"Birthdays, Disneyland, graduation... he kept the photos."

"Don't try to make me all sentimental over that dead bastard."

"I would never", he nods before taking a sarcastic voice. "I just thought you would like to know before you go back into pitbull mode."

[ambrosiarose418]

honestly my friends are actually the most delusional people ever.

i love my friends but sometimes I just question their logic. One of my friends is a classic delulu girl who has crushes on literally everyone. she likes actors and actresses (she's pan), fictional characters (but like, THOSE fictional characters that EVERY delusional girl lusts after), and those huge jerks at school that she only likes because they look kind of conventionally attractive. she's unnecessarily flirty to everybody, turns everything into a pickup line in the most inappropriate of situations, has the dirtiest mind ever, and is constantly ranting about how hot these random book characters are. I love her--she's a distinct personality and an amazing and smart person, but being around her when she's in this state is frankly annoying. i dont like spending my time with someone whose logic can be so flawed. I'm fine with all the other stuff, usually, but the terrible timing of her jokes and crushes on people who have LITERALLY BULLIED ME...to say the least, it makes me uncomfortable.

she can be extremely insensitive at times. she doesn't mean to, she just can't read when something is sensitive. i suffer from mental health breakdowns/burnouts sometimes, and I just want a place in my group chat to rant, but she ALWAYS turns it into a joke.

Me: guys i'm just really tired of life and school and whatnot. scheduling and work is literally so hard and I'm SO DONE. i just want to die.

Her: lol same dude take me with you

an almost DIRECT QUOTE from a conversation we once had. i don't know if it's just her using humor as a coping mech and she has the same problems too--like maybe she's serious whenever she says "i want to die with you"--but I'd rather she just be upfront about it if thats the case. I know that's hard...but also, it makes it harder for me to express that i'm trying to be serious. that i actually need help. She can use humor as a way to cope, but does she really have to make it so it's harder for me to make help?

for the romance thing, it might just be because I'm demisexual that I don't understand the whole liking-someone-without-substance idea. it doesn't make sense in my eyes, but maybe that's just how allo people think? maybe people are actually just like that? from MY pov it looks lame, but obviously I could just have a really skewed perspective on romance-related matters, especially considering I spent most of my life believing I was straight and that everyone was just like me. we love ace panic! all jokes aside, though, i'd love for someone to please tell me if i'm the one seeing this weird or if everybody, or most allo people at least, have these kinds of nonsensical crushes and delusions.

sorry for the harsh words, by the way. as a disclaimer, I truly do love this friend. I think she's brilliant and smart, but some of these flaws just bother me when I'm around her. I have slight anger issues too, and I can't help but get annoyed by her often. I haven't had the heart or courage to tell her any of this, though I did tell one of my closer friends who has started to develop similar behaviors.

please feel free to give me advice, though its okay if you don't have anything. honestly this is mostly just a dump of things i'm too ashamed to put my group chat. :)

-ambrosia <3

[darkaviarymc]

i identify as aromantic asexual. i am EXTREMELY sex repulsed but romance favourable (i would ABSOLUTELY get in a relationship if i could catch feelings but the idea of sex makes me want to vomit). and honestly i do not see how allos cope with having romantic and sexual feelings. yall just live like that??

I'm also romance favorable (The more I think about it, the more I think I may be grayromantic as well as aegosexual) and there are times where I am sex repulsed (in regards to myself) but most of the time I'm neutral, sometimes even favorable and able to give willing consent (which is different from enthusiastic consent, but still a valid form of consent!) So I can definitely relate to the feeling of being confused by the types of allos who always seem to be dtf. Like, would you not rather be playing BG3? There's sex in there, and you don't even have to strain your back!

Your flag is bomb, BTW!