#how do i get my bus pass
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how the fuck do you reheat rice without it drying out
#other questions:#how do i get my bus pass#will i get arrested for stealing loquats if they're on city owned land#is my gas stove going to give me carbon monoxide poisoning if i forget to open a window#can i use the dehumidifier or will it kill my indoor plants#and what kind of lizard did i see this morning it was a cool lizard and i didn't get a picture for inaturalist
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For my birthday maybe you could
do a good deed to a stranger even if it is small; pass on a good deed that was done to you
donate to a charity supporting trans youth, victims of domestic violence, refugees, or palestine
pitch your favorite, most formative book to me
#personal#or yknow#draw me solas and solavellan uwu#but for real my bus driver and i had such a lovely heartwarming convo about passing on good deeds#buying something at the grocery store for someone who was about to get caught shoplifting#going into target to grab an unhoused person a package of bottled waters#yknow#things she and i see frequently and do as often as we can#the world can be a good place when we care for each other#so yeah#spread the love or show me something that taught you how to love
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☁️🌷
#ugh im so anxious and like i think i have more pains bc of it#i overslept bc ever since i got a new phone my alarm is so quiet i never wake up?? this is the third time this happens for this class#but i cant miss more bc if i have more than three weeks absence they'll fail me :< so i hurried and walked to school#i wish i had a bus pass T-T since they introduced civilian clothed controllants i havent dared taking the bus at all i dont wanna get a fine#so yes anyway. on top of that im pretty sure my sister stole my keys. bc they were in my jacket pocket yesterday and today they werent there#and she left somewhere earlier this morning. so now im anxious abt not knowing where they are + will i get inside?? my mom wakes up late af#ummm what else???? idk im just so stressed. i got to class and have been here for 40min now and the teacher left for lunch#i'll leave now bc i cant focus enough to sit here more. my tooth aches too :((#i just wanna cry tbh#the entire way here i was like i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die#i feel so awful.. and stupd and worthless. why am i incapable of getting a job? or even studying at university? im so bad at everything#im like an anxious wreck who can barely function. everything hurts both physically and emotionally#i dont even wanna walk home im just sitting in my empty classroom bc i dont wanna kove#move*#what's wrong with me? how did i turn into this? i miss school. like i miss being able to actually do my work and talk to the teachers etc#im only a shell of what i used to be. and im scared i'll never be anything other than this :((((#well i gotta move ig bc the sooner i do the sooner i can get home and lie in my bed & cry over how useless i am :3
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I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(
#im actually very upset abt this lol#all of the other tricks ive found rely on having a dog to walk#and like i would love to get my own dog but i absolutely cannot afford one lmao#so i guess i just. still can't go on walks#nobody seems to understand just how impossible it is for me to walk down the street when im not trying to get somewhere#like just going for a walk for fun/to look at nature feels like im being killed#people are LOOKING at me and when someone even so much as glances at me while im walking i instantly feel like I'm doing something wrong#or like they're going to misunderstand my sort of odd behaviors#i can't walk slow because they'll think im a stalker. i can't walk fast because ill get out of breath and they'll think im disgusting#i can't keep a normal pace because im too nervous and i just spend the whole time tense and hate myself even more when i get home#like. what the hell am i supposed to do lol#getting a dog is the only way i think i could stop myself from spiraling like that bc of COURSE im walking slow and leisurely.#im walking my dog. my dog wants to smell and has to poop or whatever#im no longer a freaky fat stalker im just some guy walking my dog#this became more of a vent than i was expecting lmao but if anyone has any actual tangible tips for how to go on walks i would appreciate it#when i had to walk 2 miles to class i used to take a small part of an edible right before i got on the bus lmao and that worked WONDERS#but i don't want to have to do that just to walk around my own neighborhood when i eventually move out#i just want to be normal lmao i want to go out and find bugs and look at leaves#i guess i could walk in the woods but what if i get lost#i want to be able to look at stuff. i want to be able to stop and look at a plant while some person passes by me#without feeling like im going to blow up or like they're going to hit me or like IM going to hit THEM#im used to anxiety but i always feel so erratic in public places. when everyone wore masks i was a little better#i still mask most of the time but it doesn't help anymore bc now im like one of the only people that does it#so now instead of blending in AND having my face covered i just stand out more#my face is still covered so it still helps but its like barely a net positive lmao#i want to be able to look around without worrying that someone is looking at me from their window and thinks im a stalker#truly how the hell am i supposed to do that without a dog lol
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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭
#diary#i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY#‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w#the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just#girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY#i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA#LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent#tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish#the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT#i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just#learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the#Context & what’s being Said#ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re#all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i#pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i#walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE#like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past#girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans#ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks#it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting#we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY#bring lunch whatever#i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET#i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND
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AUGH. was planning a trip to a big city memorial museum i've never been to before bc all my school field trips and countless later visits were to the main art and history museum. i just looked up the memorial museum, and not only do they have a REALLY cool exhibit coming up concerning a topic i'm interested in, not only do they also have a really extensive archive that available to both academics and the public upon appointment, but volunteer opportunities are available for several positions in the museum including archival assistance!!!
it's administrative duties rather than archival management (which good, people need qualifications for that) but that's literally what i'm considering getting a degree in!!! so it's not only something i'd be passionate about if my application was accepted, but if i decide to commit and enroll this fall, then that would be getting experience in the field!
#also living history applications are available to ppl who have volunteered enough but i doubt i'd pass muster considering i look like a 13#year old boy if i pass lmao. and i'm not doing a living history role as a woman no matter how bad they might need it. so i'll pribably have#to pass on that but i'm still stupidly excited about the possibility of other volunteer work!!#i need to visit the museum and decide if i like it first before i even think about that and also factor in driving in big city traffic and#godawful streets (terrifying) or using our public transport system which i've never done before and have no idea how much it would be#just checked the price and yeah if i decide to do this i'm one million percent riding the bus idc if the route will take 45 mins to 2 hrs#i would happily spend two hours in a bus over 35 in a car having to fear for my life on the ride there. also NO PARKING POG!!!!#i may or may not post pics of my upcoming visit. oh who am i kidding i'm probably gonna post some and absolutely spam my friends with the#rest (anna this means u. i still adore ur museum pics). i also might get so entranced i forget to take any pictures which has happened#before when i get sucked into museums before lmao. we shall see#len speaks
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..........I LEFT MY WALLET ON THE BUS
#before i get any advice i know im calling lost and found tomorrow morning because theyre closed rn pls dont tell me what to do#im hoping the bus i get on is the one i left my wallet on because it has everything in it... my ID all my cards#i had a bunch of cash too and tbh idc about that i just want my bus pass my ID and my cards#everything in my bag fell out and i didn't even notice until it was almost empty... how did i not see my wallet fall out too
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Ew, essays :[
I miss the old days of kindergarten when we attempted to color butterflies and ate erasers and glue
-🎁
I hated kindergarten
Essays may suck but at least now I'm not the weird kid in the corner wishing I had friends
However yes I absolutely despise essays with all my being... in fact!
Achievement unlocked: you somehow found a topic moshie hates enough and on a bad day to start them ranting in the tags...
Warning there are curse words, poor spelling, and caps locks
Sorry in advance
#asks#off topic#seriously tho i hate essays so much#one of them is already 5 pages and thats just the rough draft#i better get a fucking high pass on that shit or i will scream#shes actually making us focus on out writing process and OH HO.HO BOY IS MINE A MESS#I SWEAR ITS LIKE TRYING TO MAKE A SKETCH BUT YOU KEEP PAINTING CERTAIN PARTS BECAUSE IT HAS TO LOOK NICE#ONLY TO RELIZE OH WAIT MAYBE THAT DOESN'T GO THERE AND I SHOULD ACTUALLY SHIFT IT AROUND#OR MAYBE I COULD SWAP THIS TOO BE THAT LOOKS AWFUL AND IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE TILL ITS A RIVER OF BLOOD AND PAINT#AND SHE WANTS TO SEE MY ROUGH DRAFT??? HONNEY YOU WOULD HAVE A BETTER CHANCE AT READING THE MARIO SUNSHINE SPEEDRUN CATEGORY BACKWARDS THEN#UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE FUCK IM TRYING TO WRITE ITS WHY I HAVE TO WRITE IT ALL IN ONE GO OTHERWISE I HAVE TO LOOK BACK AND UNDERSTAND WHAT#WAS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD WHILE LOOKING THROUGH THIS MESS!!! OOOHH WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO ORGANIZE THIS WELL SHIT THATS GOING TO TAKE EVEN#LONGER YOU ALREADY GOT ME WRITING WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME STOP MUCH LESS MAKE ME SWITCH SUBJECTS TO ANOTHER ESSAY HALF WAY THROUGH OH BU#AND GUESS WHAT!???? ONE PAGE! DOUBLE SPACE! AND IM NOT GOING TO GIVEN GIVE YOU A DIRECTION TO WRITE IN JUST ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT WE LEARNED#IN THESE LAST TWO WEEKS! TWO WEEKS FUCKING HELL DO YOU KNOW HOW INDECISIVE AND FORGETFUL I AM??? MUCH LESS THE FACT KTS ABOUT ETHNICS#I DIDNT EVEN EANT TO TAKE AN ETHNICS CLASS I WANTED ETHICS I FUCKING HATE EVERY SO MUCH RIGHT NOW#LIKE YEA SURE I KNOW THEY'RE IMPORTANT BUT I STILL HATE ESSAYS and j know my teachers are trying their best...#but jeese ethnics is such a difficult topic because on one had yea i relate to what these people are going through im part of the LGBT#are statistics are very similar but im also bery much a white person and not openly trans/non binary i dont want to look like some stuck up#white person going oooo look at the poor minorities i can TotAlLy relate and now im going to talk about me#because im genuinely scared of coming out idk whos accepting and whos not at least online im safe and can block people...#jeese im sorry for the rant i shouldn't have gone on that much less my art blog#this is supposed to be a positive blog but i just need to put this somewhere or i feel im going to cry out of frustration im sorry#rant post#system#oops moshie got emotional
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i dont have an actual name for it but depressed college au is probably one of my favorites. i dont really care for the adults in paranatural and thinking about how the activity club/others might grow up and continue their lives is so much more interesting to me
#i started reading this comic when i was 15? i think? and now im recently 23. i cant really say i relate or want to relate to 12 year olds an#y more. and yeah i prefer a lot more nuance and complexity when crafting+ reading stories#but when your protags are 12. well. yeah pass#pnats adults are fine but the kids are the ones i have any actual emotional interest or compulsion towards#so when i write something that might be less 'yippee whimsical wacky adventures' and the options are spender and zarei. again theyre fine bu#t i dont really care enough about spender and zarei#but i still want to write about adults you know. BEING 12 was hard enough you could not PAY me to go back into that headspace#honestly thats actually why most of wizard au takes place in their later school years#like you know those aged up mob psycho 100 aus. where mob is like a fireman and ritsu is an english major and theyre not exactly having epic#adventures anymore but theyre coming into themselves etc. god. thats the stuff 2 me#i used to hate aged up aus as a teenager bc i thought it was the author/artists excuse to put kids in weird situations. and idk considering#it was 2015. yeah fair. but i do think i get it now. teenage years are hard and theres a certain part of that hardness that i love. things#like growing up [from a 17yo perspective] and people you love going to college and trying to find yourself and dealing w friends and fear#for the future. THOSE are the kind of teen stories i like reading about. but when you start getting tired and mellowing out and things that#come with the end of college and grad school and growing up [from a 22yos perspective] is similar. but its more somber. youre older now#when the protagonists become people. thats what i like#wizard au is fun as a huge intense magical adventure project but depressed college au is just like. where i can project.#drinking an entire pack of mikes hard lemonade by myself and lying on the floor talking to friends about how im scared and pushing myself#towards a career that i love but dont know i can achieve. friends leaving. getting an apartment for the first time. and the second and#the third. that feels better when i can sit down and go 'okay. someday isabel will do this too. i might not understand. my friends might not#understand. nobody could understand and i could be alone. but max woke up with a hangover today and i know what that feels like' etc#idk just feels better. taking your favorite characters with you while you go through things. by which i mean#'taking my favorite characters and making them go through things'#you want them to be safe and happy and having fun. i want them to feel fear. we both know what we want from fiction and treasure each#depressed college au#dcau
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my school: we want to make school a place where you feel safe :)
also my school: you are not allowed to get a drink during class during the hottest week of the year. you are also not allowed to get a drink as you are going to your next lesson. you are not allowed to use the toilet during lesson because it is too disruptive, but you are allowed to access the one (1) toilet that is unlocked at your 15 minute break and 45 minute lunch. this is a school of 2200+ students. if you have a medical issue, you are given a pass that lets you go to the toilet during lesson, but only one of 3 toilets is unlocked. we will not tell you which one this is, and also it changes every period, because it is less disruptive to have to climb two flights of stairs and back down again than it is to just let you pee. also we changed the rules so now school starts 10 minutes earlier than you have experienced these past 4 years, and you will get lunch detention if you are seconds late. if your phone is in your pocket it will be confiscated because according to the UN, they are evil. also this is the most important year of your life and if you fail any of these tests you will be doomed to live on the streets forever.
#I went back to school two weeks ago and I am not fucking enjoying myself#until recently I assumed I was feeling so shit at school because it was very emotionally stressful to me which is accurate#but also it’s because i don’t drink anything for 6 hours straight because I prefer the negative effects of dehydration more than having to#pee for like 3 hours#also my arm is weird and if I stay in the same position for an extended period of time I get muscle spasms that hurt like a bitch#I had forgotten about this until school started again because guess what i’ve been doing all week#this isn’t even mentioning the bullying or how awful the corridors and the dinner queues are#jesus christ#on thursdays I just don’t eat because I can’t leave early from pe (I have a specific pass so I can avoid the corridors because. 2200+ s#tudents) and so I don’t make it to where we get dinner from in time to beat the queue#which is. so fun /sar#the phone rules are so weird#they used to be if you were on your phone during lesson then it’d be confiscated which. fair enough#but now it’s if your phone is visible at all if you’re inside the school building#even when school is over or if it’s break/lunch#not to mention that the second time your phone gets confiscated (in the whole year) it gets locked in a safe and your parents have to come#into school to get it#also if it makes any noise at all it gets confiscated#I will add that the majority of the school walks home on their own or gets the bus on their own#so having no way to contact anyone is#really fucking bad#there’s no exceptions to this rule and no ‘excuses’#there’s a few teachers who are nice and will just give you a warning or give your phone back at the end of class#but those are scarce#yeah I feel like shit because i’ve been dehydrated for the past two weeks#I talked to my doctor last year and she said dehydration among students was a huge problem because ofc they can’t go to the toilet so#like me they just don’t drink anything#isn’t that a fun fact#anyway#vent
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it’s insane to me that people can just spend a month watching an entire tv show and then finish the finale and go on with their lives the next day as if it was nothing whereas i have to spend the next 2 months ruminating on the show as a whole and trying to figure things out by looking up fan theories and explanations for what happened
#i rewatched lost and my mom watched it too and i’m like ok. so what do you think happened when..#and she’s like. idk.#and i’m like ok. but at the end when… do you think that was talking about…#and she’s like. idk#like!! girl i can’t stop thinking about it it’s like a death in the family for me when a tv show ends#like i have to Reflect on it and she’s just like yeah i forgot it ended lol like ok. ok#wish i could be that normal honestly and not scouring reddit for answers#like i straight up had a dream about desmond last night like i’m not getting over it#i’m processing rip#but something that is also so funny to me that i completely missed the first time for some reason is how obvious they made it that it wasnt#filmed in la like it didn’t register that it was filmed on island the first time i watched which is funny bc i was still living there at#the time but this time i’m like oh lol i know exactly where that is or that’s literally the city bus passing by in this scene or#that’s my high school and that is the school behind the skate park that is 2 blocks down from my gr*ndmothers house where i lived was#and drove by everyday like that doesn’t matter it’s just that it was like watching it for the first time bc i didn’t not notice before
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applied for benifits......... been feeling sick ever since 👎
#hate how being scared of phone calls is a meme thing that ppl make fun of#this shit fucks me up#& I'm so fucking ashamed of it#my mum said I won't get accepted because I have like 800 bucks in savings. from my grandma's inheritance#I just want the free bus pass that comes with benifits tbh.#I can only leave the house twice a month on pocket money#&... I don't want to rely on my mum for everything. I know I can't get a job.#but does that really mean I'll never be able to do anything on my own?#that everywhere I go & everything I do has to be approved of by my parents?#my dad hates me. I don't want his money
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Oh how I wish there was a forest near where I live
#well actually there's a forest semi near my school and i want to explore that place so badly#i've been there a few times for stuff like p.e but i've never had a chance to fully explore it on my own#to just wander around and look at it#last time i was there i discovered some old abandoned playground equipment aswell as an actual graveyard#there was legit a graveyard in there#my p.e teacher was the one who showed it to me#the graveyard was surrounded by a short stone wall and unfortunately i didn't get to see inside it#we quickly passed by it and continued on with what we were doing#i just want to go back there so bad and look at the graveyard and see it in its entirety#that forest is such a beautiful place#unfortunately i can't just go there whenever i want because it's in another city and getting there would include a circa 50 min bus ride to#get to my school and THEN walking for who knows how long to get to that forest#but at least i know how to get there so it is fully possible#i don't think i'll get around to it until next summer though#lizard-dumbass talks about stuff#text post#but yeah finland has absolutely beautiful nature and if you ever visit i recommend just finding a forest and wandering around aimlessly for#an hour or so
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oh yea i was also so late in leaving for my lab today that there was NO way i'd be biking in time. but i managed to catch the bus bc there was a spot for my bike so i got there on time after all <3
#speculation nation#highlight being that someone else with a bike was also catching the bus at my stop#and as i was trying to get my grip to lift my bike up this dude started putting his bike up#but like. in the front spot (since i was standing closer to the bus & gearing up to put mine on the inner spot)#and the driver legit honked at him & yelled like 'dont put your bike up before theirs! how are they supposed to get it on?!'#& the dude was properly chastised lmfao. & i just plopped my bike on up there.#i have a lot of anxiety about taking the bus with my bike bc of like. if it'll have room in the first place being a big one#but also im allergic to inconveniencing people. so me taking extra time to put my bike up and then to take it down when im getting off#it's Awful. i hate it. so i avoid riding the bus with my bike if i can help it.#but this time went pretty well actually. makes me feel maybe a Little less anxious about possibly doing it again.#i still dont wanna rely on it if i can help it bc if there r already two bikes on there then im FUCKED#but in an emergency. where im gonna be late Anyways. it's tolerable.#like lmao i usually am passed by the bus about halfway thru my biking commute to class.#but i was passing the stop right as the bus was coming up so i was like 'Whelp guess im doing this today'#the reason being. i was gaming in the morning as i ate breakfast and lost track of time a bit lsdkjflsdjf Whoops
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I want a giant brown bunny... but... but too much!
The only one I found was like $158 USD... it was just about 5 foot tall! It literally was like looking at what I wanted to make but realized I didn't have enough stuffing for!
And one that was like 3 feet tall was $100...
Like yes I know materials and time is money but I can still complain! Why fabric gotta be so much! And so messy! (The ones with faux fur or of the like. Like whyyyyyy!!!!) Also why is cotton and stuffing so much too! And you get enough for maybe only one 2 foot plushie!
(I ran out of tagging space... 30 the limit sadly. But I had more to say but maybe later I'll do a bigger post on that all.)
#I'm complaining.#because why does fun things gotta be so much!!!!!#Honestly though if a person who makes plushies by hand ever wanted to hire someone to just cut and draw the design onto fabric I would do it#or even for clothing. I like cutting things. and I can do it fast.#hence me having like three hand made plushies in a bag#two that are just hanging out#and a pair of pants.#all from 1 full school year worth of time. though in two different school years. and I also wasn't in the one technically but I had no other#class to be at as there was no room elsewhere and I took a bus so I literally could not just skip the bus either and it was the first class.#so I was lucky enough the teacher liked me and knew I was a good student. so actually minus like a week or two as I did sit outside for tw#twoish weeks before my friend practically forced me into their class without being in it on the records.#yeah I enjoyed it as I was allowed to chill... actually minus like 2 additional weeks from both half years. and maybe another 1 week and#that's about how much sewing I did and got all that done. though if you count back in 2020 I did sew a plushie monkey and a face mask...#then before 2020 I did sew like two small pillows. did a slight bit of embroidery... and then when I was like 8 to maybe 10 I sewed a bird#in sometime withing 8-10 and I may have done other sewing too...#damn. I did a lot of sewing compared to what people probably realize. like I sewed by hand and machine yet only embroidered by hand so far.#I'm not really allowed to use the sewing machines at my house sadly. so I only got to use it at school which honestly wasn't for too much#time as I mostly hand sewed everything with some exceptions...#wait I completely forgot I did all those sewing examples! and I had made a skirt... maybe two? and I had to help others with their stuff too#I already knew roughly how to use a sewing machine and well like two of the other students near me needed a lot of help I tried my best#however I did get frustrated but... I feel sorry for the one person as I wasn't really frustrated at them. I was just stressed and...#I tgink they still passed the class... actually that wasn't the only student I helped. qoth my friend's class I helped him and a few of the#nearby students. mainly because the teacher told them they could try coming to me for anything. also because my friend and I knew#I could help them too. however the one thing that was hard for me to sew was sometimes how to fix the issues they had... then again one had#a broken needle and that thing is hard to see unless you know what to look for because it's so tiny. so I did as best as I could.#sometimes they just needed helped threading honestly and well that's why I got frustrated with the one a few times but honestly I was just#worried about not finishing my own project... then when people used my machine... oh how much that urk me. we were assigned machines btw.#I wasn't too angry but I liked that seat and my box of my stuff was there and I don't really know much Spanish and the person sitting there#was spanish speaking so it was hard to communicate... didn't help that I was having a few if my mental troubles and on top of that an issue#with talking to people in general on my own... no I dunno the full reason why so I'm not making judgement calls.
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I’ve been having some really horrible health problems since re-getting covid and I hate that every medical person I go to like begging for help has basically been like “idk drink gatorade about it??? we don’t have a cure for long covid, you’re just tired.”
I’m not looking for a fucking cure I’m looking for literally any form of treatment that will help I have been dying since March and I’m on the verge of quitting my job because I’m literally fainting almost every day between the fucking back to back 100F+ heatwaves and the minimum amount of physical labor required for my job in a building/exhibit with almost no AC or air movement at all and is bright and hot and loud and requires so much energy devoted to attention
but anyway I finally am getting my blood tested tomorrow so maybe I can finally at least get on the path to answers. i’m so tired and i just want this all to be over.
#shhh sharkie#money troubles on top of it aren’t helping#cause i don’t have the energy to cook so food is going to waste or i have to order out all the time#and there have been some days so hot and humid and terrible that i don’t trust myself to get to and from the bus#i just hate this so much and i’m so tired and i just want some fucking help#i got scheduled for a physical finally cause i haven’t had one since before 2020 but it’s not till the end of september#and i almost passed out four days in a row this week and most of the days in the past couple weeks too#i almost passed out at a saturday dnd session. like that’s not even the one that’s after a full day of work.#i literally slept and rested until my friend came to pick me up. and still. we got to the end of the session and i was so woozy.#but yeah went to the walk in clinic today and i got mostly the same response but i stuck to my guns of ‘i KNOW there’s no cure#but these are things that are impacting my health so what can I do about them. what do i eat what meds and vitamins do i take.’#‘taking it easy at work is not an option I’m already doing that and I have little to no sick time/PTO. WHAT DO I DO.’#i am going to quit my job though. it just depends on what the test results say. but I’m done. I’m broken and tired and I have no money.#I have a fucking masters degree and over a decade of experience of whatever kind I just don’t know how to not be in this field.#and how to apply to a job not directly in this field.#I’d love to be at a computer all day or sorting files or boxes or doing data crunching or a myriad of things I know I’m good at.#I just don’t know how to find and apply to other kinds of jobs.
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