#how do -people deal with these 😭
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ok,,, i love the look of these long nails i got done, but man i cannot fucking stand the feeling of them it's driving me nuts 😭😭 i can't type on my keyboard properly
i can't fucking game witgh my keyboard... i gotta use a gamepad
also i sometimes just feel claustrophobic with them on?? idk if that's the right word but man i cannot deal with the feeling of super long na8ils
but they look soooo fucking good 😭
#also itching sucks!!! if i get an itch somewhere these fake gel nails are so unsatisfying to itch with#and plastic wrap clings to them which drives me up the fucking wall when i'm cooking#how do -people deal with these 😭#rambling
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i love you royal trio (minus akechi)
#i was listening to the world we knew by frank sinatra while drawing this to inflict maximum emotional damage 😔#royal actually shot me fifty times in the chest and slaughtered my entire family#i’m actually inconsolable over the ending what the fuck do you mean akechi chooses to die of his own volition rather than be manipulated#god it’s just. his character actually makes me violent and insane. they’re going to drag me kicking and screaming to the psych ward#he never had an ounce of control over his life. not even once. he was CONSTANTLY being yanked around like a marionette#until he was disposed of as another pawn in shido’s plan#and then out of some cruel irony he was resurrected even though he did not want to be alive#for once in death he would have found peace—only for that to be taken from him too.#and bc he thinks he’s worthless and his life is so easily gambled away he doesn’t view it as a major dealbreaker when maruki brings it up#“do you really think something as trivial as my life should stand in the way of your decision?” yes you fucking asshole#what do you mean he’s literally fated to die in every timeline? definition of doomed by the narrative#there’s not a single version of his story that doesn’t end with him being slaughtered#GODDDDD he makes me violently ill i hate goro akechi so much he’s so fucking selfish HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS DEAL IS TEARING ME APART#i was so tempted to get the bad ending just so that he was alive ☹️#he looked so happy. he was surrounded by people who loved and treasured him.no shido. control over his life. the ability to choose his futu#TEARS IN MY EYES MARUKI WAS THE ONLY VILLAIN WHO WAS LOWKEY MAKING SENSE 😭😭😭😭😭#my toxic trait is that i think maruki was right all along 😔#ALSO SUMIRE AAUUGGHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#the survivors guilt literally eating her alive until the point where she gaslighted herself into thinking she was her sister. insane.#royal was so good bro i’m so glad i endured 200 hours of hell just to play it#terrible terrible ending with everyone going their separate ways and ren ending up in juvie for months#akechi actually being dead in the good ending is so fucked up 😭😭 i thought there was some way maruki could bring him back regardless#not ren hallucinating him in the last cutscene too 😭😭😭😭 “i still see your shadows in my room” ahh ending#persona 5 royal#persona 5#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#sumire yoshizawa#goro akechi#lotus draws
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It makes me so happy that In-ho’s actor confirmed he was actually having a blast both in character and as himself during the pentathlon 🥺 Love that he went into the games fully prepared to fuck up everything but ended up getting caught in the atmosphere and genuinely cheered with everyone else
#Also the fact that he genuinely seems to make friends with the others 😭#Well. Until he kills [redacted]#Squid Game#Squid Game season 2#Squid Game spoilers#In-ho#Front Man#FUCKKKK I love him!! I hate that I love him but I DO#I wonder how much of the interactions he had with the others were genuine#I’d like to think a lot of them are#When you’re in the games you can’t help but get attached to people#He probably cares for them all a great deal#But that’s also why he enjoys seeing them suffer huh…sigh…#Shima speaks
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Maid and The Crocodile
standalone YA high fantasy romance, set in the world of Raybearer (10 years later)
a girl ages out of her orphanage and searches for a job as a maid - but before she’s hired, she accidentally gets bound to the Crocodile - a god thought to steal girls through his shrines throughout the cities
she wants nothing to do with him or his curse, and gets herself a job as a Curse Eater at an inn, consuming the spiritual residue of their past mistakes and regrets
but her past and her connection to the Crocodile won’t go away, and she gets caught up in his revolutionary ambitions
disabled MC (vitiligo, cane user)
#The Maid and The Crocodile#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I loved this a lot!#The story has so much personality and is charming and simple but with a lot of complexity in the background and worldbuilding.#Sade is such a fantastic protagonist; I love her genuine enjoyment of being a maid and how it's an important and legitimate job.#The romance is very sweet actually; and I enjoyed their bickering (’don’t come’ ‘don’t tell me what to do’ 😭)#Very obvious inspiration and comp to Howl’s Moving Castle - moreso the movie but both tbh. It didn’t feel derivative though.#howell if his passion was revolution#It’s also a standalone but definitely pretty directly dealing with some of the aftermath of the Raybearer Duology.#I really like how it explores some of the results of abolishing the monarchy and some of the societal changes because of that#- especially regarding average people#I loved all the side characters - the amenities; and the side lesbians. Also the ending!#Really great narration - the accents and the singing! (though at 2x the singing sounds very weird; I still appreciate it conceptually)#‘the children yearn for the mines’ yeah i noticed that reference#good book
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I went on tiktok to just watch some silly Odysseus videos but then I mostly saw people going like "Yeah, maybe Odysseus cried on Calypso' island every day but honestly he had that coming after what he did Achilles and Patroclous/Circe!!!" and "Everything that happens in Odyssey is deserved cuz he took Patrochilles to war!!!" and "I feel so bad for Circe and Calypso and Penelope, they deserved better!!!"
For fucks sake I beg you, read anything different from Millers bs and like educate yourself- And please stop goddamn saying that rape victim. deserved it.
Circe probably didn't give a flying fuck, Calypso is a rapist and abuser and Penelope deserved everything she wanted and SHE WANTED ODYSSEUS
I think I've had enough internet for today, imma go wash my eyes with bleach. Anyways sorry for ranting here, i hope you don't mind it lmao
It's alright. I absolutely understand the vents about the whole thing. :'D No one deserves to be a victim of such a thing no matter WHAT they've done. I hope your eyes are okay after the bleach
Like Odysseus does so many fucked up things but Calypso and Circe? He is the victim. Period. It's very clear that Odysseus is in extreme distress on Ogygia. And Circe wasn't some sort of FwB situation. There's fear and numbness in the language he uses when talking about it. There's so much victim blaming and it SUCKS.
Even then, Odysseus' journey was kind of about "temptation" or just straight up "Die or get out of my sea." From Poseidon. "I don't want you in my waters so I'm gonna try and give you things that will keep you on land or just kill you."
Immortal goddesses wanting you would be many people's dream come true but not for Odysseus. And I think that's the point. His determination, how he clawed his way back into the arms he never wanted to leave in the first place, is incredible. Many people would've given up and just started a new life but he never would because no life he could ever create would compare to the life he had before. Even if it's different, it's what he's always wanted.
He literally tells Calypso "I'm not stopping until I'm home. I don't care if I suffer more until I do. I'm going home."
“Mighty goddess, do not be angry with me over this. I myself know very well Penelope, although intelligent, is not your match to look at, not in stature or in beauty. But she’s a human being and you’re a god. You’ll never die or age. But still I wish, every moment to get back to my home, to see the day of my return. And so, even if out there on the wine-dark sea some god breaks me apart, I will go on— the heart here in my chest is quite prepared to bear affliction. I’ve already had so many troubles, and I’ve worked so hard through waves and warfare. Let what’s yet to come be added in with those.”
(Book 5, Johnston)
Circe's a goddess and what happened is nothing like Dionysus and Ariadne and Apollo and Hyacinthus for example. Circe never gave Odysseus a crown of stars and he would never go out of his way to kill 120 people for bothering her. They did not love each other and he can't refuse as she's a goddess.
If you interpret them sleeping together the entire year,(It's only explicitly said that they had sex once so that's what I go with personally.) that doesn't mean he was happy with it! Even then, the whole situation is not what a healthy FwB should look like! I'm asexual and even I know that no one in a FwB situation should have to BEG in any way that basically says "Please let me go or kill me" with supplication!!! The fact that he leaves so quickly he forgets one of his men? The fact that during Elpenor's funeral, he doesn't greet Circe himself? He was avoiding her. Wouldn't he want to get "one last night together" during Book 12 if they were fwb? 🙄
It's bonkers to me that people hate him for being a "cheater" when A.) having multiple lovers wasn't uncommon in Ancient Greece, and B.) the two people he is explicitly said to have "cheated" with, weren't his choice. He wasn't actively searching for pretty women either!!!
As mentioned, while it was common for men to have many lovers, Odysseus never had any listed unlike some of the other men. (not bashing any of them. I'm just making a point in comparison.) He also has no other children besides Telemachus in Homer's works. There's no evidence of him having other lovers other than speculation. (funny enough, I once read somewhere that the reason why Odysseus is so mean is because he doesn't "bond" enough with the other soldiers. 😂)
Does that mean he didn't have other lovers? Technically, Nope! It's just never explicitly stated either way. He has slaves but none were ever said to be concubines or that he sleeps with them. He has deep bonds with his fellow soldiers but that doesn't mean he sleeps with them. That doesn't mean people can't write or talk about him doing so even though it's not mentioned! Just like it also means that someone can write him not doing so as there's nothing that says it either way in Homer's Works! :D
It's fucked up when people say "He didn't try to leave Calypso enough" or something of the like. It just tells you how A.) they didn't read the Odyssey or have piss on the poor reading comprehension or B.) ...you should probably stay away from that person...
With Circe though??? I can understand the confusion but digging deeper and looking at the text, he wasn't having a good time. Or at the very least was walking on Eggshells the whole time. I hate bringing up that essay over and over again but like...I literally wrote everything there.
I also don't like how people take Circe's morally gray-ness away from her. Let her do something fucked up to be fucked up!!! Let her traumatize Odysseus!
Idk, I kind of hate that I'm "known" for this but I relate to this idiot asshole a lot and it means a lot to me that his story, despite what happens to him, has a happy ending :'D
#Thank goodness I don't have tiktok >:)#I wish there was a way to like. have anonymous posts? because I made that PTSD post to show how him refusing to be bathed#by Nausica's maids and him choking Euryclea and was giving reference to make a point but I wish I wasn't like. Known for this???#but like... I HAVE something to say. Having specific knowledge of some things just...really makes it clear in what happened that I don't#think others have considered.#And I was afraid if I was “vague” then people would say “You're just saying that to get sympathy points” and I didn't want to deal with#that :'D plus like in his outbursts I saw myself you know?#I just kept thinking “oh shit. I KNOW what you're doing because I did it too aAAAAAHHHHHHHHh”#I relate to Helen too but in a way. The Odyssey shows her “HEALED” (which fuck yeah!!! YESSS!!!😭) it doesn't show the#PTSD in the same way as she's had many years to recover. Watching it happen in “real time” for Odysseus was...really nice.#i said it before but the Odyssey feels REAL compared to the “girlboss queen slay” shit. Him tryiing to force himself into normalcy#only to act out is...yeah.#save me morally gray circe#ask#anon#Mad rambles#tw sa#tw ptsd#tw sex assault#anti madeline miller#anti circe#essay
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"good people are out there you just need to get out and find them"
cool thanks. but i'm too tired to keep ~going out and looking for them~ i'm too tired to keep trying, using up all my energy, getting super overwhelmed and burnt out after just a couple weeks of trying as hard as I can, met with other people barely trying back or not being very responsive, and needing to recover from it for a year or more each time because it overwhelms and burns me out so bad. I get nowhere no matter how hard I try, all i get is uselesss advice from people i try to befriend who dont want the responsibility of friending me. i'm tired of trying beyond my limits and causing more issues for myself. or dealing with issues I get from meeting the "wrong" people. if the "right" people exist, why can't they find me? why does it have to be only my job? i'm too tired and overwhelmed and burnt out to do it!!!!! the right people will just easily help and be there for me right? so I guess i just have to keep waiting for them for all eternity????? i'm tired of waiting. give me more than "just wait/keep trying/don't give up" because those instructions unclear and my useless attempts are very discouraging and exhausting and i'm so overwhelmed that i'm losing the ability to even socialize at a minimum at all now!!!!
if humans are meant to be social creatures and we require positive interactions with each other to stay healthy, then why do humans ostracize their own? why do some of us struggle so much and are denied any help and instead blamed? why can't I be given advice on how to live a lonely life without anyone else by my side instead of being told "one day! keep trying! you need people because it's essential to being human!" even though i've been waiting for "one day" for 25 years and could wait 25 more, or even longer? I don't know what i'm doing wrong or how to improve it so waiting is all I have. what if I wait forever?
#ive been trying to find “the right people” for like 25 years. im so tired of hearing “one day/eventually”#i need people now. i admit i need help!!! i cant do life alone!!! but ONE DAY is not NOW. im struggling now. not later#why is it always “keep trying because ONE DAY” and never “heres how to deal with it now and if one day never comes”#because NOT EVERYONE GET THEIR “ONE DAY” AND IT FEELS AWFUL BEING GIVEN EMPTY PROMISES#AND IT FEELS AWFUL BEING IGNORED AND DENIED HELP *NOW* BECAUSE EVERYONE WANTS YOU TO REPLY ON A HYPOTHETICAL “ONE DAY”#IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!!!!!!#lee rants#what if the “one day” where people actually care isnt until theyre at my funeral huh? because ive seen it happen.#autistic#autism#actually autistic#social problems#social issues#social isolation#adult autism#adult friendships#autism support#autistic friendship#this has been bothering me. i think its called toxic positivity. people throw it at me and it makes me feel worse. stop 😭#and “it happened to me so that means it will happen for you!” no it doesnt!!!!! you had better luck/circumstances. i dont have what you did#it doesnt inspire me or give me hope. it makes me feel more hopeless others can do stuff and i cant.#people were willing to help you but not me? youre not willing to now help me? what else do i do?#especially when people tell me they struggled for a few years. im glad you haven't struggled your whole life like me#and i know youre trying to be nice. but it doesnt help im sorry 😭😭😭😭😭
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Understandably So no one mentions charles when talking about the Logan movie and again Understandably So This Aint Bout Him however i do confess that as someone who had never seen Logan until like. a month ago when i was binging all the movies and without knowing a single thing about it aside from laura i cant lie i was in fact jumpscared by him being there. especially for at least like 3/4s of the movie
#xmen#logan movie#snap chats#i be ramblin today hello ...#it was a pleasant jumpscare. yk until he died. after realizing he committed atrocities by accident 😭😭💀 OLD MAN NOOO#but no please LIKE I READ THE DESCRIPTION WHEN GOING TO WATCH RIGHT#AND I WAS JUST THINKING 'oh he'll probably be here for like twenty minutes. wdym he's here for way longer than that'#i THINK years ago i REMEMBER seeing a screenshot of the hotel bit with laura and charles but again that was years ago#and i might be tricking myself maybe its a false memory jealvvelka either way i just know they were cute :(#point is he was here for. i cant even say So Little cause again He Was Here For An Hour And Thirty Minutes Out Of Two Hours#and lets be clear 'snap has your brain molded that much you know exactly how much screen time charles gets in the movies'#girl no not yet i only know exactly when he punches his clock cause i had to keep restarting the movie cause it kept pausing vjAELKAJE#and it just so happened to struggle literally like. ten minutes after he dies- like when logan was dealing with x24 THAT part#so rude for that.. anyway I Repeat i miss charles and laura bein cute :(#it wasnt a lot but it was just sweet.. i always like how charles always got that Professor in his soul with these movies#like in dofp when logan's losing it after. getting future ptsd jvALKVLAJ??K charles is there to ground him#despite being. Like That vjeaLKj like sir please ily. i will accept the Youre On Acid answer youre trying your best#and then with THIS movie evidently charles is having. the worst time upstairs#but he's still super sweet with laura like oh stop you grandpa im gonna throw up#and to STRESS. they were EVIL about that wholesome dinner bit like :((( oh to see the fam happy and safe again :(((#like im throwing up frankly. people were right this movie IS sad i underestimated their assessment 😭#to lighten the mood in my heart. charles really do be an old man in this movie hes such a menace to logan JELKAK#god. Most Normal X-Men Movie Watcher Focuses On Professor X During The Movie About Logan VEJLKJA#ok im done. sorry i just keep replayin that bit in my head where theyre in the car and logans just 'Did You Take Your Meds SHOW'#like pelase. jaeRLKEaj ok im gonna try drawing i looked at my wall long enough and i think i can draw something
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One side effect of the autistic sense of justice for me is going insane over justice and vengeance as concepts in themselves whenever applicable in media.
Which unfortunately means that thinking about justice dragon age for too long (especially with the post inq takes on spirits) makes me want to rip my hair out.
#i can't reconcile with the idea that vengeance is a corrupted 'too much' version of justice im sorry i'll always believe in Anders simply-#being stupid and catholic about it (affectionate)#It just. even if we're strictly viewing one as 'more violent' . that idea is.. not quite 100% applicable? kghfdhg 😭#it strictly depends on what is the driving force right? what are we avenging/ seeking justice for#and if violence for it is called for- then well- that response would be /Just/ just as much as it'd be an act of vengeance/retribution#if not more#Thing is Justice is the one type of spirit we've met(that i remember) that's intrinsically tied with morality by his very nature#/you can be wise and immoral or compassionate to people who very much do not deserve it etcetc#(i hate Mythal as benevolence ((SHE WAS A SLAVER)) -> retribution as much as i hate all evanuris lore but shes a good example of this)#but Justice? Justice to be Justice has to be objective#which IS BORDERLINE IMPOSSIBLE to apply in the real world outside the fade. which i suppose is where you CAN bring vengeance in.#vengeance as justice but looking at the world through a subjective lens. Since Vengeance and Justice CAN be two sides of the same coin.#Vengeance can be as Just as you make it- it's just that /unlike/ justice- it doesnt have that same objective moral tie.#ie how you get someone like elgar'nan on the opposite end of the morality scale being called the god of it#but dragon age overall has the most wack and muddled sense of that all these words /concepts-#mean/are meant to convey that im starting to feel like im losing my grasp on the english language overall 😭#bc even after this entire philosophical talk - anders' justice-> vengeance as a transition makes me go???#at that the fuck elgar'nan 's deal was supposed to be originally then? certainly not justice. unless maybe we mean justice as in law??#BUT THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER CAN OF WORMS. DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN.#veilguard spoilers#dav spoilers#for the mythal thing#elluin wotr and whatever the fuck he has going on with calistria and iomedae save me from this. save me ellu
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THIS IS SCREAMING: LESTAPPEN
I don’t know why. 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah I follow a fucking cat account, I’m a cat lover. 🐈🐈⬛
#THESE FUCKING CATS ARE THE ALLEGORY OF MAX AND CHARLES IN A PRESS CONF 💅#lestappen#charles leclerc#max verstappen#f1#lestappen content#lestappen as cats? or cats as lestappen?#lestappen as cats#orange cat just telling me that is name was max because he loves hugging people even if sometimes he can seems agressive 😭#grey/white cat wants I call him charles because he never knows how to deal with max affection and he’s just like help me what I must doing?
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#currently playing a fun game of 'is this a depressive episode or just me crashing after finals are over' 😭#I'm sure things will feel normal again in a few days but man. nothing is fun.#people truly do not talk enough about how BORING depression is. literally nothing interesting going on.#nothing's WRONG right now but nothing's good either and it feels like the emotional equivalent of a kohl's parking lot.#i'd rather it be a chaotic and stressful trader joe's parking lot. or a costco parking lot. not an empty-ass boring kohl's parking lot.#I am truly better equipped to deal with the sad overwhelming stress type of depression. at least i can toss some therapy at that#but you just have to blankly sit through this kind. I can barely sit through reheating leftovers 😭#i'm sure it'll be fine. it always is. it will go away. I just need time to recuperate after the finals rush.#i'll go log off and read a book or do art or whatever. and it'll be BORING. and I'll HATE IT. but I'll do it.
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nah cuz I would pass away if someone asked me if I was into them 😭 but CONGRATS ON GETTING THE DATE!! I hate to say we told you so, but we definitely told you so 😌💅
Bro I literally short circuited lmaoooo like it was not cute and I almost died fr. But yeah, date secured ahskaksk y'all were right 😭 it still feels so surreal lmao I'm still vibrating about it
#not snz#like what do you mean it doesn't have to be a hopeless crush forever ahdkaksk#I'm so scared I'm gonna fuck it all up ahskkaksls#like I've never dated anyone and the most I've ever done is peck a couple friends on the lips bc we were thirteen and curious 😭#idk how to do any of the relationship stuff like where tf is the instruction manual#and i know damn well this guy has dated people and i have to assume he's got a body count#which is fine obviously but i have no experience here like I'm completely out of my element 😭#idk like maybe I'm way overthinking it but I'm still like 😩#need to circle back to the concerns bit of the conversation bc i have several now lmao#like i feel like they're concerns for (hopefully) way later down the line#but i don't wanna be months into this and then realize that we're incompatible for one reason or another#like i need all the potential deal breakers laid out now so neither of us waste our damn time ahsksjksdk#i guess i can bring it up on Saturday 😭#it should be an in person conversation i just know I'm gonna be so fucking awkward 😭#hopefully that's part of my charm to him bc he seems to like all the other things about me that i don't particularly like myself LMAO#anyway on a completely different note#wtf do cishet men even like ahdkakskak like can i send him cute little wholesome memes or is that weird#I'm too gay for this shit lmao why would i do this to myself#like do i get to send him sweet little texts or do they not like that kinda thing#i wanna romance him i just don't know how ahdkkakss maybe I'll bake him something idk#I'll sleep on it i guess lmao#partner posting
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Gari Gari, my good friend Gari. Can I please please get an H3 Mr. L? 👀
(send a mario character and an expression!)
hate this guy /j
#lakimusings#gari answers#gari draws#mutual chatter#hehe mario#ask game#YAYYY TY FOR ASKING MIMI#i’ve never drawn mr l before so got to think about how i want to portray him#a little paler than my luigi (i think he’s on another canvas) bc castle bleck has no sunlight but it’s not like he would go soak it up#too busy working on brobot 🙏🏽#i also think spm took some period of time. idk how long but luigi’s likely been missing for at least a month#whoever that guy is#eyes are a compromise on the silver deal a lot of people do. no shine bc brainwashed#piercings are bc i think luigi would get them if he wasn’t chicken and mr l is slightly less chicken/mimi is willing to do it#im not saying they healed well or anything. luigi probably took out the tongue one post spm#i have a feeling the helix is fake but who knows#hair is hair. my luigi has longish hair and it just gets longer during spm#mr l’s shit is probably greasy asf tho#ALSO i started typing this out and forgot i wanted to give him a stubble so stubble under the cut 😭#i’ve had to edit him too many times today
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kinda wanna plot things, kinda don't know how to go about it
#i want to develop things? plots? relationships?#but I'm. not good at it#😔#talking to people is hard 🤧#(on the other hand if i get to the point of feeling comfortable i might not shut up ever)#(and then you'd have to deal with me writing things for you randomly at any time)#idk I'm just 🧍♀️ how do you know if people are interested in writing/plotting or the ideas you suggested#none of this is meant like. negativity and complaining or lamenting about anything#'tis but the rambling of someone who wants to plot stuff but doesn't know how to take the first step ig#plotting call maybe? I'm so bad with messages most of the time too 😭 but perhaps. i could try#* out of character: { dreamfyre stan }
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i miss germany, i miss the euros, i miss june
#the past month has been so overwhelming 😭😭#i miss my life.......#like i am excited for school but i don't feel like i got to say goodbye to what it was before#i think i expected july to be chill time with friends#but i had so much to do to prep#and my friends have been busy or away or dealing w shit#and so i feel like i've barely gotten to spend any quality time with anyone i care about#since june really#and that trip to germany was so so perfect#so much quality time with so many people i care about#(i miss you guys!)#and it's been so fucking hard to find time to even keep up with my messages and phone calls and ugh#i just feel so ungrounded and disconnected from my friends and who i am#which is so frustrating because i know that like a month ago i felt so FULFILLED#so connected to my friends and my family and my passions and my work.#and yeah i guess this is just what life transitions are#it was always going to be hard to suddenly be around so many new people#i just already feel the temptation to retreat into my existing relationships and i don't wanna do that#but how do i already miss all my friends so much 😭😭 it hasn't even started#ugh i just had an annoying evening and haven't been sleeping well and am tired#i should go to sleep. i'll feel better in the morning#bella things
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saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad
#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries#it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc#ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop#like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions#cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt#you know how it goes#vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own#students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country#until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem#this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL#our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries!#but the mental image is a bit funny#vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa#i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med#expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc#anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history#i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3)#as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me)#lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc#theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly#being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her#lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao#years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth#cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination....#I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess#but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh.#skl.txt
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gross tumour images under the cut for those of you who like that sort of thing
very vascular growth we removed from the hock of some kind of samoyed husky (? idk it was 100 pounds and fluffy and white with blue eyes) thing. owners opted not to send off for histopath because it would have cost them like $400 which was a little disappointing because i would like to Know but i get it
#i know about the rust on the instruments but i cant do anything about it and nobody cares 😭#this surgery took a solid hour and a half but we barely had anything else going on surprisingly so it was fine#the owners are kind of obnoxious like they let it get this huge and then decided it was basically an emergency and was going to burst?#like you could have told somebody about this when it was idk the size of a cherry or perhaps even an egg instead of a fucking grapefruit#instead of waiting and then being like um :/ idk do you have anything sooner :/ i'm worried it's going to explode :/ when we're trying to#schedule your ass. “i'm worried about getting snowed in” ok then you should have gotten this done in one of the many months without snow#and the boss doesn't like them because they took up an hour of his precious precious time with questions and idgaf personally if people#waste his time because he wastes plenty of other peoples time but for other reasons they are not the most pleasant to deal with#but whatever i'm not really the one having to deal much with them so LOL#this dog is supposedly 12 which is pretty ancient for a 100 pound dog so i'm frankly kind of surprised they wanted to spend $1000 on taking#this off (but didn't want to pay for preanesthetic labs or histopath??) like idk man he's already got arthritis etc like. how much time are#you trying to borrow here. sorry i'm very tired of seeing creatures that should have been put out of their misery months ago being forced t#live. i love euthanasia. again sorry#me
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