#how am i supposed to just accept this
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first time having a coworker die. i didn’t know it could happen it doesn’t feel real
#so fucking awful#how am i supposed to just accept this#she worked all her life and didn’t even get to retire
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something that genuinely annoys me as a chronically ill person is getting constantly asked only about my health. how are you? how are you dealing with it mentally? im the same as always. this is my normal. i don't want to be constantly asked about it. cant you be interested in something else about me. not my health. ask me about what I've been doing. what am i listening to. any fun dreams ive had. it gets really depressing very fast when every single interaction with others ends up starting with your chronic illnesses.
like i know it feels fucking different to you and you with your perfect health can't even imagine how someone is living like this. but this is my life. this is my normal. and id like to get treated like im more than just my illness
#rant#prompted by my grandma#i appreciate her caring but i do not like to feel negative every time im just telling her how my life is#why is it so hard for people to just accept that this is how i am right now and there is no guarantee im gonna be any better soon#the chronic in chronic illness is there for a reason#i hope this makes sense its 4am and im supposed to be asleep#chronic illness#chronically ill#disabled#disabilities#disability
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kacchan really is so funny for being like BUT WHAT ABOUT BAKUDEKU CANON when he finds out izuku is quirkless
#bakudeku#bkdk#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#mha leaks#he really is like WHAT ABOUT US#WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE BEEN THROUGH#izuku is such a Gabriella too he DO be running away from his feelings every chance he gets#what about US IZUKU WHAT ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE#WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS MANGA IF WE ARENT MARRIED#and Izuku is like oh no my baby is on too many painkillers hahaha he’s not proposing to me right now that’s silly#if he was proposing that would mean he loved me and I can’t accept that reality I’m too much of a burden#I can’t think of myself long enough to realize I am valued#two months ago Izuku was like :) I’m so blessed kacchan talks to me almost normally#how is he supposed to process he was just proposed to by that same boy#like he’s also just gone through almost losing him he’s probably like I’m lucky he’s alive and breathing near me#and kacchan’s like I LOVE YOU I WANT YOU FOREVER#Izuku is overwhelmed ok give him some slack
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I've had this pose ref saved for a while and the Superman set photos just gave off the same energy 👉🏻👈🏻
The reference is this photo of Katharine Hepburn as Antiope and Colin Keith-Johnston as Theseus in the 1932 play 'The Warrior's Husband' (and I'd love for people to turn into a draw your otp meme pls pls pls this pose is so good)
And also, of course, the Superman (2025) set photos
#superfamilyweek#superman#dcu#clois#lois lane#clark kent#i was actually gonna post this a few days ago but then i found out about the superfamily week#it wasn't made for it but i hope you can accept this humble offering even if it doesn't really fit the prompts#art#digital#fanart#live-action#dc#regular#final#colour#this actually from june when the set photos came out and i just got completely obsessed and went into a clois haze#it all looks so good though!! the whole thing!!!! i'm vibrating with excitement just thinking about it!!!!!!!#if this film isn't good i'm gonna be sooo disappointed you guys have no idea how much i'm looking forward to it#but anyway. ART RAMBLES: as i mentioned on the tags of my last drawing this piece gave me SUCH a headache#i think it's probably cos it was just supposed to be a quick sketch so i used a more stable pencil brush#but then i really liked it so i decided to properly colour it instead of just doing the watercolour thing i usually do for sketches#but with finished pieces i like the lineart to be kinda messy and the sketch to even show through bit#and since i used the more stable brush for the sketch it ended up looking WAY too clean. not like my stuff at all.#so i just started throwing stuff at the wall to see what could make it more interesting. full background! actual lineart! texture layers!#and this here is what i was the happiest with. i don't... love it though. it should be looking way more interesting given the pose#and then i also did the purge girl halfway through this and it looked SO good right out of the bat (pun intended)#so i went a bit into a spiral. did some realistic stuff i'll post soon. and now am trying out a thick black lineart style.#(i'll definitely still use the coloured lines for the sketchy watercolour stuff though. it just looks way too cute)
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It started as just me wanting to draw Tatsuma as a teen and evolved into... Whatever this is...
#gintama#sakamoto tatsuma#i love funny haha man very much right now. space terrorist is mostly just along for the ride XD#i initially planed to draw the joui 4 but I couldn't figure out how they would look in my style?#as much as a consistent style I have anyway XD#and it's fun to draw tatsuma so I just drew him#and some sakataka because like. of course I drew the one ship I'm currently into. what else am i supposed to do? starve??#i've come to accept that I'll be in this hellhole for a while so please bear with me for a moment
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Jack Dawson + accepting his fate in Titanic (1997)
After Jack fails to stay on the wooden paneling with Rose, his expression indicates that he's accepted his fate. He knows he is going to die so she can live.
#titanicedit#ldicaprioedit#perioddramaedit#filmedit#weloveperioddrama#titanic#*#ik the quality is bad but i had to brighten this obviously#i am just *so tired* of the people who watch this and don't understand that jack was supposed to die *no matter what*#they immediately blame Rose for “killing him” or whatever but it misses the point of the whole story 🤡#to be fair this scene is quite dark but still. how do people not notice that Jack knows he will die?#yet he nods in acceptance because he wants Rose to live
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this was made especially for those of us who cut ties with our shitty families, huh
i cried so much this whole episode. i know that i can't be in that house and be who i am at the same time, but the guilt and shame never really go away. i love that this episode said, wholeheartedly: fuck what society says, you should be wherever allows you to be happiest
anyway! you always hear that family estrangement is rare in asian communities, but i did it! and you can do it, too! dump your shitty family! i believe in you~
#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna#it's incredible like i don't think i fully realized how ashamed i feel until this episode had me ugly crying into my blankie#especially because the abuse was invisible and people say: oh everyone's family says harsh things! it's because they care! they love you!#and no matter how hard you try to explain the magnitude of what was done to you people still shrug and say but they're *family*#not that there was ZERO physical abuse but like. that's just How It Is in the community i grew up in so it's not a Reason reason#and that's all aside from all that's expected of me as the child of an asian family (that i am simply doing none of)#FUCK i guess i just compartmentalized all of this so securely i didn't think it could bleed out anymore#thanks tsukutabe. i guess?#this show is RELENTLESSLY coming for me this season too like explicitly stated asexual rep? a treat for me personally!#idk i never expected an asian drama to be so clear about this especially because kasuga's abuse was invisible too#and the idea of not sacrificing yourself for your parents is COUNTER to what you're supposed to do#i am just VERY EMOTIONAL right now#i love kasuga so much and it was rough to see her going through it but i am SO HAPPY that she's accepted and loved
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Get yourself patched up already!
#trigun#trigunedit#trigun stampede#vashwood#vash#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#wolfwood#trigun spoilers#trigun stampede spoilers#mine#gif:trigun#how am i supposed to be okay after this ep ;-;#i loved that wolfwood said how vash knew about him.. i think i had this idea that vash knew since ep 4#like he accepted that everything about that situation was inevitable.. so he went along iwth it ;-;#were they really just doomed from the beginning?? ;-;#this angst is so good#scars //#blood //#tristamp#tristampedit
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i only cried once today after being yelled at/scolded for two hours straight!!!!! i would like my hug and pat on the head for being so good now please!!!!!!!
#technically i did cry one more time when i got home lmao#but like IT WAS MY FIRST DAY#AND MY FIRST DAY DOING ALL THESE THINGS#and i kept getting scolded for not knowing how to do stuff when it was a) literally my first time#and b) the person who was upset with me was SUPPOSED TO TRAIN ME#BUT THEY DIDNT#instead they just kept saying ‘you’re doing that wrong’#without ever showing me how to do it right#:(( like it’s your job to teach me!!!!#also they ignored me the entire morning like literally didn’t introduce themself or even say hi#and i am a VERY like outgoing/bubbly person irl#but i also need positive feedback or i will crumble to pieces#and i hate being made to feel stupid when i wasn’t taught something#like if you show me how to do it ill do it perfect the next time!!!#but expecting me to know something without being taught is impossible and setting us both up for failure#bleh sorry for ranting :(( bad day for quinn lmao#anyways i’m gonna eat some chocolate and do some homework and think about kissing gojo and maybe things will be better#i am accepting hugs and pats on the head though#because i was very brave (didn’t audibly cry in front of others)#q speaks
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ough brain is doing SO bad but sometimes. there are colors
#bakuspeech#WIP#cw: gore#the stuffed animal cartoon kind. but still#ask to tag#Im so fucking sorry I keep going like I will draw! (does not draw for three weeks#I. ngl Somethin is goin on up there. I finished writing a Thing and it doesnt solve that#I just. this is my capacitance really I think. I just gotta. accept it. work with it#its always so funny tho bc like I look at whatever it is Im drawing rn and its like hey this looks like shit! this looks ass#and then I keep drawing it.#like this piece is at Least two weeks into something thats supposed to be a pretty quick revised illus for#an old wizard leon design. and like if I werent Bit Off it wouldve stayed that way#instead. this is how its goin#I have not slept for 23 hours. I should uh. fix that#but yeah its just. my brain is wrappin itself around some new ideas n concepts n shit rn#like. I was really afraid I wouldnt be able to paint digitally if Im not on the screen tablet#and its kinda fuckin with me? like obviously I can. I am literally doing the exact same things Im doing on the screen tablet#but now on a graphic tablet#thats just. not getting thru to my brain yet. for some reason. its still generating goo n such#well! what is a guy to do. if not blastin off regardless#sorry. I really should sleep now#have a good night lads! this piece will be done when its done. I am NOT saying more I am not jinxing SHIT#u should change ur pillowcases! it really does send u to another realm
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Can’t wait for the epic map where young Night Swan and the Traveler go from friends to rivals and nothing else happens between them! Can’t wait for the cameo of a random coach with red hair that Night Swan shows vague interest in, implying that he’s Jack’s father! Can’t wait for the Traveler to go home to his loving wife and son after a long day of beefing with Night Swan! Cuz that’s how this is gonna play out, right? 😬
#I am so afraid how am I supposed to function at all today and tomorrow knowing what’s coming#if they do this to us idek what I’ll do#cuz I refuse to accept it#just dance#night swan just dance#the traveler just dance#night swan jd#the traveler
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damn remember when ichigo went full hollow and orihime was terrified of him but when ulquiorra, someone she has only known as a hollow and kidnapped her by threatening to murder all her friends and spent her whole imprisonment intimidating her, asked her if she was afraid of him she said she wasn't
🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
LIKE WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT????????
#did he just mindlessly stumble into these parallels#am i really not supposed to think that orihime being afraid of the monster that the guy she's in 'love' with turned into FOR HER#and her not being afraid of the guy who has done NOTHING but MENACE her ISN'T POINTED AND SAYS SOMETHING VERY CLEAR ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIPS#WITH THEM?#DOES THAT NOT PROJECT A VERY CLEAR MESSAGE THAT SHE KNOWS THE SOUL OF ONE AND NOT THE OTHER#THAT SHE CAN'T ACCEPT THE REALITY OF SOMEONE SHE'S ADMIRED FOR YEARS BUT APPRECIATES THE HUMANITY OF A FULL-TIME MONSTER?#ulquihime have a very ''i know i'm a monster but you treat me like a man'' type relationship#this is the pattern of ih scenes they're always Almost romantic lol#ichigo totally losing himself to his darker side in his need to protect her can easily be read as romantic#but then she??? completely rejects him?????????#AND THEN ALL BUT LITERALLY GIVES ULQUIORRA HER HEART!!!!!!!!!#REACHES TO HOLD HIS HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#bleaching#don't get me started about ichigo not administering the final blow with ulquiorra because both he and kubo fucking forgot how zanpakuto wor#ulquiorra could have been purified and gone to soul society and become a regular character but noooooooooooooooo#at least that scene is romantic af#even if AGAIN LIKE I KEEP SAYING an editor needed to be like uh hey sensei. remember. remember what zanpakuto do.#hey sensei. why don't we ever see hollows as souls in soul society. hey.#anyway.
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Please, allosexuals can be sex-repulsed. It's not either both or neither. You can be attracted to people and want to be intimate with them, but feel aversion to the idea anyway.
#it creates so much confusion in people who think their sexuality is what they feel about sex#it has nothing to do with it#people are so obsessed with sex they think the sex itself is what shapes their orientation jkh#yes disliking sex is included in obsession with sex#allosexual#sex-repulsed#i know i keep saying it#but i feel really discouraged every time i see posts like 'i wonder if i am ace. nah dicks are gross i am tots ace'#thats not... thats not tied#you can feel attraction and be grossed out by dicks#humans identity is complex we can get contradicting traits so we just gotta figure how to work with both of them#being extroverted and shy sucks so you figure out how to make it work#being sex repulsed and allosexual sucks so you figure out how to make it work#and it extra sucks if your aspec identity does not include hating sex#like i do not feel very included(and seen) where being grossed out by sex/hating it is the main description#i get the world sucks and pushes you to have sex#i am sex repulsed i KNOW it sucks#but yaknow#i thought the community was supposed to be 'the world sucks here we accept it all'#and not 'here we accept only what the world doesnt'#=(
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#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#good heavens.... .#lobotomy corporation spoilers#SOMEHOW#lobotomy corp spoilers#carmen lobcorp#listen. i have an explanation okay. it doesnt make sense but it was funny in my head#adam has an earing. thought it would be funny if it was just from ayin . is it? not quite sure#text explanation carmen wanted to do diy piercings in the outskirts and ayin went 'nuh uh safety issues' before caving and#making her practice and do it first on him to make sure it goes well and taken care of correctly before she does it on herself#thus the one ear piecing is born. the alternative joke was that it was just clip on. am i going to question the clothing? nah#mind fuckery the facility is made outa thay too. could that also be for the earing and tatoo? yeah. is it more funny to me thos way? yeah#no idea how the hell adam speaks by the way we ball w that . tatoo is just a sharpie as well dont know why there would be any way to put ink#to skin in an efficient manner. besides mind fuckery which is also totally acceptable but null for the sake of shitty comedy#adam lobcorp#ayin lobcorp#thats it. yup. the only spoilers i have is ayins appearance and name actually. only thing i knew going in. so i suppose this will do#(im procrastinating day 49 i know i can do it but im in agony thinking abt it)#also thought it funny at the idea of an piercing made by carmen's hands ending up being used by the facet of A that is carrying out her will#even still even if it is in the most absurd and irrational way possible. wanting to give freedom and realization and the ability to not#have to just survive but be free to live inside the world with their desires and wants in the most 'purest' and 'strongest' form for all#even if it is a SHIT PLAN!!! established broken man whayever ill bully adam regardless
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Tales of Vesperia had me at the beginning but I think the moment i realized it was all over for me was the part in Dahngrest "If I don't make it back, you'll have to die in my place." "Yeah."
#tales of vesperia#yuri lowell#flynn scifo#fluri#i GUESS#no#the way i fucking lost my shit at that#the way yuri just AGREES to it#the WAY HES JUST LIKE “yep i fully accept the terms and conditions” WITHOUT. HESITATION.#the way he and flynn BOTH know what they need to do#how am i supposed to come out of that scene normally
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some more ghost rider sketches, version i guess i wanted to draw some bones,
including a partial prototype of whatever the hell the Rider has going on underneath his skin-suit (which might need more leather 'muscles' but. whatever), a theoretical endpoint of how dead Robbie could get in my verse, which. unlikely? extremely. but fun to draw, and a line-up of Robbie, Lisa, and Gabe
in theory, Lisa's sense of style was inspired by @wazzappp 's post of Claire's fashion Lisa, but, well, outfit design eludes me. so. brightly colored vague y2k vibes are. the best i got
#robbie reyes#gabe reyes#lisa (ghost rider)#revenant robbie au#i am fully just drawing whatever at this point but. its fun so idk#ANYWAY i read the avengers 2018 run and. ok it was bad#both generally and also. sob they hit robbie with the generic mcu-quippification and naive teenager beam 😔#absolutely no escape#but challenge of the ghost rider kind of hit tbh#if only bc it had robbie racing blaze for Gabe's sake and well.#ok objectively idk how his parents got pulled to hell like.#were they supposed to be there?#did johnny drag them from another afterlife?#idk at all#but *man* ok im not immune to family/loved ones finding out about a fave being a 'monster'#and accepting him anyway ok#so long story short idk if im gonna go with an exorcised-eli yet or not#but i gave robbie a rosary (not accurate. yes i know i didnt get the spacing on the top part right) on account that#religious iconography in marvel works based on a personal faith#re that one panel of kitty pryde burning dracula with a star of david#so i figure there's a high chance that robbie was raised roman catholic when his parents were around#even if that was a long time ago#and even if he doesnt believe/is religious in the strictest sense#he still has associations yk?#(<to be clear speaking as another mexican american and the impacts of religion in the culture as a kind of atheist)#anyway my point is#in a non-exorcism version hes found that wearing a rosary. even if it doesnt shut eli up entirely#makes him more? bearable? less loud/oppressive? easier to push down#while in an exorcism version ig it helps with keeping his identity as robbie centered and dealing with supernatural emotional regulation#zsketches
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