#how am i supposed to be normal for the next WEEK!
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god i am SO CRAZY OVER TODAYS EPISODE. WHATTHWYHTBDHRGJEHTNSHRH WHAT THE FUCK !!! AAHAHHAHAHAHAHGSJRHHAHRHRGRHHRGRG
#hfth#hfth s5#hfth spoilers#?#CRAZY EP TO DROP ON MY BIRTHDAY#HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.#YAY.#how am i supposed to be normal for the next WEEK!#AAAAHHHH!#im so Normal#and sane#and Normal
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this torture we're going through with the anime must be divine karma for slandering Bones all this time...... they said "oh, you don't like how we adapt things? you say the manga does it better?? okay then, well now there is no more manga. it's Bones or bust, bitches."
#bungou stray dogs#they really said now either you get the story from us or you don't get it at all 😭😭😭😭💀#screaming crying throwing up shaking HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CARRY ON FOR THE NEXT WEEK LIKE EVERYTHING IS NORMAL#NOT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK 'TWILIGHT FAREWELL' MEANS#NOT EVEN A FULL WEEK BUT FIVE DAYS CAUSE THE PV ALONE WILL END ME#seriously though how can i be okay with getting canon content for the first time in the ANIME#they already do terribly with content that ALREADY EXISTS#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL GETTING /NEW CONTENT/ THROUGH /BONES/#i guess looking at it another way though...... i should be glad if they deliver me some fucking hope a few weeks early#like obviously i'd rather none of this have happened and have gotten to this point in the last episode in the manga first#but since it did turn out this way....... if good things happen i'll take it i can't complain at this point just GIVE ME HOPE#mexican standoff with bones now that there's (basically) no manga content left like 'so it is down to you and it is down to me'#bones at the end of the fucking bsd world: 'never thought i'd be fighting side by side with a bsd anime hater'#me: 'how about side by side with a friend?'#bones: 'aye i can do that'
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THEY ARE SO FUCKING TENDER I NEED TO RIP MY HEART OUT AND THROW IT TO THE WOLVES
#SORRY FRIENDS I'VE TRIED MY BEST TO BE NORMAL THIS PAST WEEK BUT I LITERALLY FEEL SO INSANE ABOUT THEM#EVERY MOMENT WITH THEM IS JUST SO TENDER AND DELICATE AND INTIMATE AND FEELS SO DAMN NATURAL#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY GOODBYE TO THEM NEXT WEEK#ESPECIALLY KNOWING THAT IM NEVER GETTING ANOTHER SERIES WITH MICHAEL AND CHARLES#HELL#first note of love#neilsea#m: txt
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Little Dragon
am just. can't stop thinking about it.
#taash bewitched me body and soul#if it wasn't clear already#i will literally throw up if it turns out that's what 'taash' means. it makes a lot of sense in my head.#how am i supposed to stay normal for the next two weeks and suffer this game downloading for god knows how long after launch#am quietly going more insane with each passing hour#da4 spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age babbling
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I literally feel like I’ve finally lost it and im so fucking done If im just going to be completely honest
#dog talk#nothing fucking. ugh#I don’t feel like anything anymore none of this makes sense to me and I just keep attacking myself and my surroundings#everything is nothing at all. its all just shreds of hope#everything all of these ‘people’ say don’t mean shit and about 2 days ago now I finally almost called it quits#if you know what that implies.#and I just want to hurt everyone and myself and everyone and myself and once and for all it seems that no one means anything to me anymore#and that I shouldnt care#something is in my head talking to me and it has been for fucking forever and I don’t know If I’ll survive tonight#just some fuckin dickheads are always in my fucking way and I just. I don’t know how much longer I’ll survive#next year I don’t even know if I’ll make it. I don’t even fucking know if I’ll make it#I don’t know how to stick around anymore I fucking don’t#no one has ever liked me and no one has ever payed artention to me and no one cates and I dont care and#but also Ive left everyone and theyve missed me but they don’t even know who I am anymore#I haven’t showered in 2 weeks now and my hair is practically molded to my head with the grease and I HAVent done shit#everything isnt real everything is just a mold of what it should be#I woke up at 5 pm today and I couldnt even see the light outside because of that#EVERYTHING is just thoughts and every singl eugcking EVERY single fucking noise makes me want to fucking scream and freak out I#cant fucking do this man#I don’t think I’m going to survive at all#I think I honestly wasnt meant to be here. I think I was supposed to be a abandoned sawmill or some shit#and I think this is all just here to curse me because I was given the light of the world but the pain of being here#I am in pain and I can’t keep doing this. if I talk to a psychiatrist I will be asked all of their stupid questions that they assume I have#normal teenage answers for#and not that I am planning where my grave will be.#I am done.
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this is so fucked up the second my iron seems like its recovering i go back to having periods as heavy as when i was a teenager..... like can u please give me a break here im giving u perfectly good blood here why are you throwing it away!!!
#slightly concerned since it seems like my body just suuuuucks at absorbing iron#but it seems like supplementing iron indefinitely isnt great for ur liver or kidneys but like#how am i supposed to know when to start supplementing again#and since it took like 8 fucking months of straight iron supplementation to like finally not get#dizzy when standing up i dont even know if im at like actually good normal levles#for regular people until i get tested again next week
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i normally refuse to be a truther but oh my god jordan is so aspec and he seemingly has no idea ive been watching him for a decade and its always been sooo obvious.
im not even truthing him people can do whatever they want with their identity and i'll believe tjem i dont give a shit. I just. I just started watching Mianite and i havent watched this guy seriously like ever in my seven plus years of mcyt and ive always heard about captainsparklez and just assumed he was straight and or had a partner like the rest of the dudes i watched. i didnt even know he acted like this. jupiter sent me the syndisparklez kissing comp. [guy who has had a very solid and comfortable part of his worldview completely shattered in the span of ten minutes and is staring into empty space with his head in one hand while holding a pirouette cookie like a cigarette voice] don't worry guys i'm fine i just need a minute ok? yeah no i'm. it's fine. thank you for asking
#ray's tag#answered#how am i supposed to be a normal person tomorrow after this evening dawg i got finals#the next three weeks are gonna be hell schoolwise and i have to do that while somehow processing this??#give me a break
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if i dont see my friends tomorrow i will literally die
#i know im always so dramatic about this but im so alone it's pathetic.......#like everyone always has other people and im always asking people to pleeeeease pay attention to me like a pathetic dog#i keep asking people 'so are we meeting this week' 😥 like i swear im always asking this#and i just feel so pathetic about this like. heeyyy hiii please meet me someone im so normal hahaha pleaseeee 😥#and i dont want to blame people because like yeah. life. in general#but also it just keeps happening how we specifically set up a possible time and#then that time comes and TO ME it's supposed to be like the best day ever. literally the only time i can ever feel happiness. ONLY time fr#and then it's just another thursday for them like they promised someone else something.#and then i have to be like okay :') what about next week x day then :')#and then i ALWAYS end up making myself believe that this time it's actually gonna work out!!!! really!!!!!!!#and then it never does!!!!!! for such a long time!!!!#and i know like. whatever. life. it's literally normal i know and im not blaming them i really am not#but im just blaming myself for being so pathetic that the only sliver of happiness in my life is#meeting other people every few weeks if im lucky lmao#like. truly loser behavior#before anyone says i should meet new people maybe. that's true probably#but. :')#that post that goes like 'how it feels to be in a transitional period in your life' lmaoooooooooooo ooooo ooooo you know#anyway. i will probably delete this when i realize how unwell i sound but. well#🗒
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my friends, if you want to be successful in school, my advice to you is not to raise your dose of ADHD meds right before hyperfixating on your twin semi-original characters whose backstories have the Most Involved Comic Lore possible. i have written 7k of backstory and i'm not even at the modern day yet. at this point i am 99% physically comprised of the first 30 issues of hellblazer, daniel bruhl's 2021 indie film passion project, and kashmiri tea. thanks for coming to the TED talk
#mobile tbt.#kicking my feet and giggling about my lil astronaut guy who haunts dreams with the fear god that lives in his brain#and also his god's twin sister who's fuckin around on earth for the first time and doing Hella shots#also if daniel bruhl could quit being so Goddamn Gender all the time then there would be world peace i swear it#how am i supposed to tell a tibia fragment from a fibula fragment under these conditions i ask you. i need this brain for osteology class#anyway! i'm normal. btw next hellblazer comes out in under 2 weeks. i'm so goddamn normal. i'll delete this later i'm sure#back to being busy as hell i go
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stressed and having absolutely zero drive within me to complete anything god how is this year already off to such a great start
#hahaha how am i supposed to have 17-25 pages of a technical report i havent even started done by next week#fucking beats me !!!#not to mention completing another team assignment + another cs assignment + work#im either selling my soul or sleeping a total of 5 hours this week#my motivation has plummeted to a depth so deep i haven't felt this bad in ages#even worse i have nothing to cling on like i normally do#and by that i mean even music... like how bad is it when music cant even do anything for me anymore#i need.. i need something to look forward to until april#im turning 20 this month and i cant even be excited because im stressed out of my MIND#me on a coop term thinking: oh wow this term will be so easy im only taking 1 course there's no way it'll be as stressful as a regular term#i was so so utterly wrong oh my god#personal
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so. as you may know it’s christmas eve. as you probably don’t know i am eastern european. and probably the only real tradition anyone holds onto is christmas eve. normally my great aunt does all the food and very begrudgingly sometimes lets everyone help make like. one thing.
well.
this year. the year of our lord two thousand and twenty four. she decided she was done cooking and it was up to everyone else.
so i got a phone call from my mom a few weeks ago being like hey so. you’re making the cake. got it? good.
the cake in question is a walnut cake. i was entrusted with my great aunts recipe about seven years ago. i’ve made it twice. the first time i fucked up the frosting quantity. the second time i fucked up the eggs. both times were passable at best and notably! my great aunt did not taste either of them.
and i have to make this cake. on christmas eve. it is dessert. for everyone. my extended family will all be eating the cake. the walnut cake. on christmas eve. even my great aunt.
so yesterday, december 23 if you are counting, i went on the annual Last Minute Christmas Food Shopping Trip with my father, watched him climb into the case to get his half and half like he does every year, and stressed about my cake as i made sure i had all of the ingredients.
then. we went to my great aunts house. where i was met with Trial Number 1: The Cognac
this cake has cognac in the frosting. not a big deal really. except for the fact that my mom hates that there is cognac in the frosting. (my mom is hell bent on making christmas eve dinner vaguely healthier. no one else agrees.) and i was to be making the cake in my moms house.
also important to note: we (as in my parents) do not own cognac. mostly because none of us drink.
so my great aunt is like oh i have to give you the cognac. cause she knows. i am baking the cake. the walnut cake. (my dad told her. he is a traitor). and i say okay. sure. this won’t be a problem at all.
so she gives me. a shot of cognac. and when i say a shot. i mean an Entirely Full Shot Glass of Three Hundred Dollar Cognac. in a jar. for the cake. the walnut cake. that i have to make.
upon bringing the cognac home my mom says no we’re not putting that in. the cognac sits on the counter in its jar. no one touches it.
then i was met with Trial Number 2: The Frosting.
this recipe requires a pound of chopped walnuts. first. i couldn’t even find the walnuts. my sister and i searched high and low and in every cabinet we could find but no nuts. i called my mom. and said mom where are the walnuts? and she said. “they’re in the nut bag behind the basement door.”
oh of course. how could i have missed the nut bag? a holiday bag full of bags of nuts that was half hidden by wrapping paper and also behind a door?
in any case. could i have used a food processor? absolutely. did i? no. half because i forgot and half because i didn’t want to accidentally grind the walnuts into a paste. so i enlisted the help of my younger sister to chop the walnuts By Hand while i embarked on the real devil: the frosting.
which remember. is supposed to have cognac.
so i cream my butter. i add my sugar. i’m careful not to over sugar. i taste it a million times. i add my coffee and my vanilla extract (instead of cognac. which is still sitting on the counter) and it was all going so well until. the butter rebelled.
now remember. one time when i made this. seven years ago. i made too little frosting. so i made more this time. and i thought i had all my conversions right but evidently i did not because suddenly there was too much liquid in my frosting and it split.
the frosting for the walnut cake that everyone was going to eat. on christmas eve. the very next day.
i felt like a contestant on great british bake-off getting smited by the tent.
so i did the logical thing and shoved the whole mess into the fridge hoping that it would sort itself out overnight.
then it was time to face Trial Number Three: The Cake Itself.
as i have said this cake is a walnut cake. the christmas eve walnut cake that has been at christmas eve longer than i have been alive. and it requires no less than ten egg whites. which i whipped and i added to my walnuts and shoved the whole thing into the oven in my two baking dishes.
only to discover no less than 40 minutes later that the batter in the pans was Not Even (despite my best efforts). so i cooked one longer than the other and hoped that i hadn’t monumentally fucked up the walnut cake. like i had the frosting. which was in the fridge. and i was ignoring.
which leads to Trial Number Four: The Egg Yolk Cake
see i had ten egg yolks. i didn’t know what to do with them. my mom said flush them. my dad said make a custard. i proposed making egg nog. my mom said she didn’t want it in the house cause it was too fattening (a blatantly incorrect statement. please, if you are reading this, go drink a glass of eggnog. or some other fun festive drink. food is for the soul.) so i produced a recipe for an egg yolk pound cake. i made it. i still don’t know if it came out good cause i haven’t tasted it. i hope it did. but that was not the point. the point is the walnut cake. the christmas eve walnut cake.
and the following morning i was met with Trial Number Five: The Frosting Part 2
first i threw my failed frosting back in the mixer and it immediately secreted a brackish combination of vanilla extract and coffee so i did the only thing i could. facetimed my dad and said “father there are problems abound.” and he gave me the fatherly advice of “make it again.”
and so i did.
with more correct measurements. still scared it would split at any second.
though it didn’t.
and i didn’t add the cognac.
maybe no one will be able to tell???
my mom said that if anyone asks the first batch of frosting failed and i had to toss it. this is technically true.
but i had frosting. i had two uneven cakes. and it was time for Trial Number Six: Decorating
decorating cakes is easily in my top ten least favorite activities. decorating the christmas eve walnut cake is easily in my top three least favorite activities. because i am terrible at decorating cakes. and also because it has a filling.
the filling is jam. and i once again made the wrong choice because i put the jam on first before the frosting. which to be fair is what the directions say. but as everyone knows, the directions in recipes you get from your eastern european great aunt are not the real directions. so now i had to smear butter cream. on top of jam. for the filling of the walnut cake. for christmas eve. that we would be eating in a few hours.
and we didn’t have a cake plate. we had a large dish.
i had to use my fingers. i had to use three spatulas. i got jam everywhere. but i did it. and as soon as i set the top cake on top of the filling i realized my monumental mistake: i was supposed to trim down the cakes.
so now they were uneven. and lopsided. and there was nothing i, a mere mortal tasked with the impossible task of making christmas eve walnut cake, could do about it.
so i continued to spread my frosting. which i had enough of. and tried and failed to not get jam everywhere.
in the end it was almost presentable. not great. slightly lopsided. and definitely not as nice as any of my great aunts cakes.
which left me with Trial Number 7: Chilling It
our fridge was being taken up by other important christmas eve things (though not as important as my cake. the walnut cake) so i had to put it in the car. which was fine because there is snow on the ground.
i covered my cake. the walnut cake. in tin foil and hoped i wouldn’t accidentally squish it. and then i went outside. i tried to steal my moms shoes to walk outside. she was not impressed.
“you know, saph,” she said. “some of the time you’re pretty great. the other half of the time you’re really weird.”
i could not agree more.
i put my cake on the trunk. prayed to the cake gods and went inside.
on the one hand if the cake is good, i will be stuck making walnut cake for christmas eve for the rest of my life. on the other hand, if it sucks i will never have to make another one.
Trial Number Eight: The Tasting still waits.
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#yall I finally got some good fucking news#my grandma’s been in the hospital and was doing very bad and like#we thought the end was near#she improved and got discharged#things still aren’t great but it’s (hopefully) looking more like she has weeks or maybe even months rather than just a handful of days#she’s almost 92 and has late stage Alzheimer’s and the flu is what put her in the hospital but she beat it#yesterday was very stressful#my parents/uncles were all being incredibly vague and my cousins were reaching out for info from me since I’m the only local grandchild#trying to figure out if people several hours away need to drop everything and try to make it here to say goodbye while at work was uh#it was something#I had an emotional break down in the bathroom which was fun#my parents who normally use me as a punching bad were doing it to an even more extreme degree#they still are technically; I get it’s my dad’s mom and he’s hurting more but she’s my grandma and like#the whole way they’ve been treating is just… it broke something in me#relieved she’s okay for now but having to grapple with the fact that this is how they will treat me when it is her time is something#I am an frazzled emotional wreck from everything but she’s okay and that’s what matters in the end#I also had a video interview this afternoon which like#absolutely wild state of mind to be in to do an interview but it’s with a really good company so I didn’t want to cancel#guys#I got a second in person interview!#it pays good and it’s close by and the only thing I don’t like is that it’s second shift#but they said if I get the job I’ll eventually get the opportunity to switch to first shift so like#fingers crossed the next interview goes well#anyways all good news except for my parents being fucking assholes but#I am out of energy emotionally mentally and physically#was trying to keep myself together till the interview and now that it’s over I’m just very done#my anxiety is shot my brain’s checked out and all I wanna do is sleep#I was supposed to be off tomorrow but work called me in and I took the shift cause I need money#I think there is a very good chance that I crash very hard after work tomorrow#which fine
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think im just going to have to fully accept that my day starts at like. 1 pm and ends at 4 am
#not to be mean but how the FUCK am i supposed to have a ''normal'' sleep schedule when my work day finishes at 10:30 pm#every single day now#AND the shift only starts 5 pm. like??????#i want to bake. and read. and COOK. but i have to do it at NIGHT now#bc work has turned me into a night creature#the fuck#i swear to gOD if they flip it around next week im going to start stabbing#DO NOT turn me into a night being and then expect me to get up at 6 am for a shift that starts at 7:30 am
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when you’re an only child and have a father who expects the world of you and nothing you ever do will be good enough and you thought it would end after college but you were naïve and now he’s asking you about grad school and you literally just want to walk around in a field for the rest of your life
#i love college mostly#i love learning about cool stuff#and i would probably just keep learning stuff for an indefinite period of time if i could#but it’s not sustainable for my health#i am so burnt out rn lmao#i have three exams in the next two days and i am so tired#and i have a five paper/presentation combos that are all due in like 2-3 weeks and i haven’t started any of them#this semester has been so interesting and i’ve gotten to experience some really cool things in my classes but i’m so fucking tiredddd#and next semester will likely be worse so there’s that#i literally don’t know how i’m supposed to have time for all this shit#i also wish i could function normally because i literally can’t#well. anyway#i should delete this later but i never do whenever i say that#vent
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I was like 11-12 years old when I figured out at a boring-ass church activity that you could put rocks into little plastic spoons and then pelt people who annoyed me with them. I did this for the rest of the activity, and at Sunday dinner the next night was bragging about my victory (cornering the mean kid who picked on my youngest brother and pelting him with rocks). One of my cousins was like “no way, that sounds SO fun! Let’s do that RIGHT NOW!” So we grabbed spoons and went and got pebbles from the back yard and launched them at each other.
The problem was my grandma sold her soul for the world’s most resilient plastic spoons so we could launch those fuckers HARD. I gave out welts like candy on Halloween, and I got them back in kind.
So we resorted to taking cover and giggling until we got whacked, then yelping, then returning fire.
My cousin hid in my grandpa’s little fishing boat. It was a good boat, but simple and honestly underused. We didn’t know the little windows on it, meant to keep the wind out of my grandpa’s face while he drove, were cracking. However, they were definitely cracking. Eventually it became obvious and we realized we had been being dumb.
This was NOT the first time in my life I’d been dumb roughhousing and broken something, and I had developed a reputation in my family as being “suicidally honest” so I was the one to deliver the bad news. My grandpa let out a pretty good chuckle and said it was OK, tousled my hair, and asked my grandma to bring me cake. I am not kidding. I learned later he hated his boat and only bought it for his kids’ sakes, since he thought everyone needed to know how to fish. At the time though I was just bewildered and pleased at my good fortune. FINALLY, at long last, being honest and telling the truth about breaking something expensive was getting me cake. I knew if I kept trying it would eventually serve me, and now so had CAKE. I was pleased as could be.
My dad, on the other hand, was livid. He LOVED that boat. He spent several weeks each summer recovering from breaking ribs in that boat every year for about 7 years prior to this incident. He had great memories and memories that boat. So he told my Grandma NO cake for me AND that I’d be coming by this weekend to fix stuff around the house and pay for the broken window with my babysitting/lawn mowing money.
Obviously I was devastated, but that felt more in-line with the way things normally went when I broke something expensive so I just figured it was OK. My grandpa gave my grandma a look and sadly said “Ok, have her here on Saturday to help me with some yard work.”
That Saturday my dad woke me up at 6:00 sharp and drove me, sleepy and bewildered, to my grandpa’s house. He was mumbling under his breath the whole time but he thought he was teaching me consequences for my actions so he was ultimately OK with it.
We get to my grandpa’s house at 6:15. My grandpa is outside with a ladder hanging Christmas lights. The lawn is freshly mowed, the trees and garden are weeded and well-tended to, the carnations in the front yard look immaculate, and my grandpa has this giddy mischievous look on his face. He tells me he was so excited that I was coming over that he couldn’t sleep, so he did all the yard work himself. He asked me to help him put up Christmas lights and decorate the Christmas tree, which I did, then said that because I was such a good helper I could have some pancakes for breakfast. I was sent home with the slice of cake I had been denied the week before, wrapped to keep it as fresh as possible.
The whole way home my dad looked a little miffed, but told me that he was glad I had been honest and was proud of me for helping grandpa. I know he wanted me to Learn a Lesson™️the cowboy way, like he had as a kid, but didn’t have much room to complain since I’d still been Put To Work.
I think that was a lesson for both of us, although I’m not totally sure what it was supposed to show me. I think it was my grandpa’s way of showing my dad that discipline without tenderness doesn’t count as much. He died last year and I miss him terribly, as does my dad. I hope that my story of victory, drama, punishment, and ultimately a secret second victory is meaningful to someone else out there, but if not it still means a lot to me ❤️
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The Yapping Hour Is Upon Us - Part 3
In which you and Max spend the next six months just being obsessed with each other.
Warnings: A little angst, but not 'break up with you' angst, just 'i really fucking miss you' angst so it's okay. And fluff. Tooth achingly sweet fluff. Pairing: Max Verstappen x Podcaster!Reader Word Count: 4.4k plus a shit ton of social media posts. - The Yapping Hour is Upon Us - The Yapping Hour is Upon Us - Part 2 - Master List
(a/n before we begin: Probably one more part to this. Thinking of doing an 'after Max gets you back to the hotel post-race' part to wrap things up nicely if anyone wants to see that.)
Monaco May 2024
F1GossipOfficial posted
34,028 likes F1GossipOfficial Seems as if our favorite Red Bull driver and sunny little podcaster are getting closer! The pair was spotted around Monaco this week ahead of the Monaco Grand Prix. The pair have been seen publicly a handful of times since Max made an appearance on her podcast The Yapping Hour in late April, most notably at the Miami Grand Prix at the beginning of the month and then the week later in New York City where she is based. Everyone who sent in photos said the pair were super cozy and seemed lost in their own world. user0299 she's only with him for the clout and money. Her little podcast was dying out and she latched onto Max like a leech. >>>user5572 go touch some grass my man. Her podcast is consistently the number 1 listened to show on all platforms all the fucking time. user9938 they are so cute, i can't handle it user4530 I saw them at dinner the other night and oh my GOD. They sat on the same side of the table even though it was just the two of them. He held her hand underneath the table all through dinner and I don't think either of them stopped smiling or looked anywhere else but at each other the entire night. >>>user39948 they are so fucking perfect oml
Canada June 2024 yourpersonalinsta posted
493,928 likes liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, totowolff, and others yourpersonalinsta Over the moon to have been able to be with you for this win in Canada, Maxie. user299 MAXIE?! I have no one to talk to about this redbullracing our good luck charm strikes again! >>>user456 Red Bull calling her theirs??? Love this for her. maxverstsppen1 thank you for always being in my corner liefje ❤️ >>>user394 how am i supposed to be normal after reading this??? user8827 Not Toto in the likes trying to get on her good side so Max signs with Merc in 2026 >>>user778 HAHA can you imagine??
Amalfi Coast August 2024
maxverstappen1 posted
987,409 likes liked by yourpersonalinsta, redbullracing, yourdad and others maxverstappen1 summer break with this gorgeous girl user458 they are my royal couple yourpersonalinsta wishing we were back on that boat rn instead of on different continents :( >>>maxverstappen1 just a few more weeks until Singapore, schatje. >>>user4938 this is my roman empire >>>user024 mom and dad are sad so i am sad too
October 2024 Austin, Texas
You hadn't seen Max in over three weeks. Three very, very, very long weeks. And not to be dramatic or anything but you felt like you might actually pass away if the Uber that was currently picking it's way through very heavy Austin traffic drove any slower.
While the sleek Mercedes SUV waited at a red light, your gaze drifted away from the navigation system showing the the heavy traffic all around you towards the busy city streets around you. Whoever had decided to schedule an Eminem concert, a huge college rivalry football game, and a Formula 1 race all in the same city on the same weekend should have their head examined.
Fixated on the crowd on the sidewalk outside, you mull over the last six months of your life. It has certainly been a whirlwind, that was for sure. If someone had told you back in the beginning of May that you'd be on your way to your sixth Grand Prix of the year to watch your boyfriend race in Formula 1, you would have laughed in their faces. Because really, when you sat back and considered it, the fact that you had gone from being a fan of the sport and interviewing Max on a professional level to dating him in under six months was absolutely wild.
While you attended races whenever you could, you found yourself more often than not called to the other side of the world to attend to your flourishing career. In the last six months you had ping ponged around the globe, bouncing between weekends with Max and over scheduled weeks filled with work, interviews, and meetings. Some days you just wished that things were simpler and you could just dedicate yourself to following Max around from city to city but you knew that Susan B Anthony would roll over in her grave if you gave up everything for a man so quickly, even a man as amazing as Max Verstappen.
You brush aside the thought of leaving your work because in the end, all that is is a simple fantasy brought on by you missing the man that has become the center of your universe lately.
After attending the Singapore GP with Max, you had spent a few extra days with him in Asia before needing to fly home. While Max did have nearly an entire month break from racing, he couldn't follow you to New York like he had intended. After coming back from the summer break, Max's luck had started to slip and the car had deteriorated. He hadn't won a race in months, the car was an absolute tractor, and Lando was gaining on him in the Championship. He had needed to spend every extra moment he had in the sims and with the engineering team trying to salvage the season.
While Max had been in Europe, you had been in the US recording episodes with Heidi Klum, Wayne Gretzky, and finally Kylie Kelce. Heidi had been in LA, Wayne in Florida, and Kylie in Philly so you had spent most of the last three weeks on the road. As the SUV inched closer to the COTA track, you realized you couldn't remember the last time you'd set foot in your apartment.
Exhaustion seeps into your bones as the realization washes over you. You loved the life you lived, wouldn't trade it for the world but sometimes, in these quiet moments you wished for a break, a chance to go home, wherever that even was now, and just rest.
Your phone buzzing beside you pulls you back to the present. Ysou struggle to shake off the mind numbing melancholy that's settled over you like a thick woolen blanket before answering the call. "Hi baby." You sigh, knowing who it is without even looking at the caller ID.
"What's wrong?" Max's voice is sharp on the other end, effortlessly reading your tone.
You shake your head, chest tightening with anxiety. "Just..." You search for the right words. "tired is all. I just realized I can't even remember the last time I spent a night in my own bed."
"Oh, schatje." Max sighs, knowing how grueling this schedule is as he lives it as well. "Do you want me to have the jet take you home? It's at the airfield still."
Tears collect in your eyes as your chest squeezes painfully. "No, I just want to see you." You whisper, afraid if you raise your voice you'll start to cry.
"How far are you from the track?"
You pop your head around the SUV's headrest to check the nav system. "Not long. Five minutes. I can see the giant observation tower from here."
"Have the Uber bring you right to the paddock gates. I have a car here and a few hours before any media duties. I'll take you back to the hotel myself and we can take a nap together, okay?"
Your entire body sags with relief at his words. If there was one thing that Max was good at, it was taking care of you. He didn't hem and haw or waver on a plan of action. He saw what you needed and made sure that you were taken care of. The way the burden of everything that you had silently carried for years shifted towards Max the moment you landed in Miami all those months ago was something that would shock you for years to come.
"Okay." You whisper, swiping at a single tear that managed to escape.
You have a few moments to collect yourself before the Uber stops at the entrance to the paddock. From your seat in the back, you spot a familiar blonde head that belonged to your Dutch boyfriend waiting for you. You're suddenly simultaneously bursting with excitement and beside yourself with grief as the anxiety that has gnawed at you over the last 24 hours fully consumes you at the mere sight of Max.
Max has you out of the car and into his arms before you can barely catch your breath. The moment you inhale that uniquely Max scent something inside you shifts and becomes crystal clear. You didn't need Max to have his jet take you home because you already were home. It sounded cliche in your head and it probably was, but you knew there was some truth to it: somewhere over the last six months your home had shifted away from your apartment in New York to wherever Max was.
Max tightens his grip around your waist, settling his chin on your head while you stay buried deep in his neck, you realize that home isn't a place any longer. Home is a person now and Max is that person. You don't have to go home to New York to rest, you just have to be in Max's presence. With him, you are utterly and completely safe and secure. For someone who spends 99% of her time 'on' and performing, being able to come home to Max and just switch it all off, allowing him to lead and take over, is the most powerful form of rest you could have ever dreamt of.
Max nods at the driver as he unloads your luggage, arms still locked tight around you. He can feel you melt into him, like you've been waiting for this moment since the last time you saw him. He knows that for him at least, this is true. Everything else in his life is completley falling apart. The car sucks, they had to ditch the special livery for this weekend becuase the fucking paint had the potential to make the car too heavy and slow. Lando has been on a tear lately, that McLaren a complete rocket ship and the only reason Lando hasn't overtaken him in the championship is thanks to some spectacularly shitty calls from the McLaren pit wall.
The only bright spot in Max's day is you. Your voice, your touch, your face. Any bit of you he gets on a daily basis is what keeps him going right now. As he had stood on the curb just moments before, desperately and not so patiently waiting while watching the black Mercedes SUV creep down the street towards him, it had felt like cruel and unusual punishment after being apart from you for so long.
And now? Now you were back in his arms and he drew in the longest breath he could, taking in the scent of your perfume and laundry soap that he had missed so keenly while he'd been working, and he simply couldn't get enough.
Max pulls away slightly, so he can see your pretty face but what he sees in your eyes nearly breaks him. Pain and longing hang heavy in your eyes and there is nothing Max wouldn't do to make all of that go away for you. Fingers tip your chin up towards him so he can finally get his lips on yours, a soft sigh escaping your mouth when he makes that first contact.
You swear it's like a cool drink of water in the middle of a humid heatwave in July, the way Max kisses you with such relief and passion and affection. Like he's trying to tell you through his kiss how much he adores you, how much he's missed you, how much he craves you.
"I love you." Are the first words he says to you and your breath catches in your throat. It isn't the first time he's said those words, Max had said them first all those months back when he brought you home to Monaco. It had been quick, probably too quick by the world's standards, but it just clicked between the two of you and the words had tumbled out of Max like it was the most natural thing in the world. The reason the words had your breath catching in your chest was because of the ferocity behind them, like he could tell how bone tired you were from all the travel over the last few months and he was desperate to remind you why you were doing all of this. Why the two of you were doing all of this together and apart. It was for moments like this, moments where you were attached to each other in the middle of the busy paddock parking lot like no one else existed.
"I love you too, Max." You whisper, dusting your lips over the stubble that was scattered over his jaw. "Can we go take a nap now? I'm so tired."
yourpersonalinsta posted
348,209 likes liked by kyliekelce, maxverstappen1, assistantshannon, and others yourpersonalinsta home is wherever you are (tagged: maxverstappen1) user098 mad max is no more, there is only soft cuddly boyfie max user0399 this is the cutest thing i've ever seen user000 god i am so single maxverstappen1 love you baby >>>danielricciardo SIMP >>>maxverstappen1 absolutely >>>user9938 it kills me that he is loves her so boldly and loudly. girl hit the mfing jackpot. (liked by author)
It's not your alarm that fully wakes you up on Friday morning. It isn't Max's either. But as you try to untangle your limbs from Max's and search for the source of the ringing, you can't help but curse whoever is interrupting the slow sleepy cuddles that had been progressing into something more heated for the past 20 minutes.
You nearly spit you're so mad when you see the caller ID.
"John." You growl, sitting up in bed as Max settles himself back against the mountain of pillows beside you. "It is 8 in the morning on a Friday the day after I saw my boyfriend for the first time in over three weeks. I swear on all things good and holy, this had better be good."
John, to his credit, didn't even scoff at the threat. He'd been your business manager for going on four years now and was used to your early morning attitudes.
"She said yes."
You sit up, back going ramrod straight as the three words clang through you. "What?" You hiss.
Beside you, Max struggles to sit up too, alarm coursing through him at the panic in your voice.
"Tree just called me five minutes ago. Said that Kylie had sent her the episode and wouldn't stop gushing about how amazing you were and how you were the perfect person to do this interview on the end of the tour and everything. Tree said Taylor watched your episode with Michelle and Queen Maxima too, said they were the best interviews she's ever seen. Everything is a go."
Your entire world tilts as what John is telling you fully sinks in. "Taylor Swift's agreed to come on the show?" You voice is weak, heavy under the weight of the news John is telling you. Your hands tremble at the thought of what this means for you. For your career.
Beside you, Max sucks in a breath at your sentence, fully aware of how big of a moment this is for you. Pride soars through him as he watches literal sunshine dance across your face, your smile as bright as the Texas morning light. "Schatje." He whispers, pulling your free hand towards his lips. Your eyes dart over to him and you grin at him, kicking your feet a little, completely unable to hide your excitement.
"She also said yes to your suggestion of a behind the scenes vlog on your channel ahead of the release of the episode. Thought the idea was marketing gold. You've got full access to everything for the entire week."
Before you had landed Kylie Kelce on the show, you and John had made a silly, pie in the sky request to Tree Paine not even thinking that it would go anywhere. When Kylie had agreed to do an episode, a request that had actually been made to her people months before John had contacted Tree, the idea of maybe, just maybe you might be able to land Taylor after had grown a bit. You hadn't told anyone of the request, not even Max, because you didn't want to be embarrassed if it didn't work out.
"There's only one problem." Your heart stops and you grip at Max's hand for support. You knew there had to be a catch. "They want you in Toronto by Sunday."
"Wh-what?" Your stomach plummets through the floor. You had just gotten to Austin last night and now you were going to have to leave again? You were supposed to spend the entire triple header with Max. Three weeks of solid time with him had been the only thing getting you through the previous three week separation. You two had even planned to go visit your parents in Michigan between Austin and Mexico later next week.
"The first concert is Monday and Tree wants you to get as much content as you can and has asked you be there at 9am Monday morning."
You head spins. "Oh-okay." There's a giant Max shaped hole in your heart at what you have to agree to, simply exhausted by the fact that you're going to have to pick up and leave again so soon. "Okay. We'll figure it out."
"Do you want me to have Shannon make flight arrangements?"
You glance over at Max, who senses your apprehension. "Let me talk through it with Max and see what we can figure out. I'll call you in a few hours, okay?"
"Sounds good. Congratulations, kiddo. This is huge."
You smile despite yourself, excitement and anxiety winding their way through your chest making it a little hard to breathe. "Bye John."
You gently place your phone back on the bedside table before turning to Max, bracing yourself for the good and bad news you have to deliver.
"The beginning of that call looked phenomenal but now you look like you're going to be sick." Max observes, pulling you into his lap.
You shudder against when his lips graze your neck, dropping a kiss to his forehead. "Taylor Swift agreed to come on the show and to let me do a weeks worth of behind the scenes of her Toronto shows."
"Baby, that is amazing. This is going to be huge for you and the show!"
You nod, a bit dazed by all of this information you have to process. "But they want me there by Sunday night so I can start first thing Monday." Sadness edges into your voice, the dread of having to leave Max again begins to sink in fully.
"When should Greg have the jet ready to take off then? You'll probably want to leave before the end of the race to beat traffic, yeah? Although I suppose we could find you a helicopter to take you from the track to the airport."
You stare at Max like he's grown three heads. His voice is so nonchalant despite him suggesting he rent you a helicopter that all you can do is blink at him for a few moments. "Just...just like that? You're on board with it? You're not upset?"
Max scoffs, pulling you closer so he can rest his head on your shoulder. His arms go tighter around your waist as he gives you a kiss on the cheek. "Why would I be upset? I'll do anything I can to help you live out this dream, schatje. You know that. This is the biggest thing to happen to your career since you had F1 racing legend Max Verstappen as a guest."
The giggle that tumbles out of you has the tension in the room popping like a soap bubble. "You're ridiculous."
"And yet, you're still here." Max finds your lips then, the kiss full of reassurance and confidence. Of course he was disappointed you were going to be leaving in 2 days and he wasn't sure when you'd be back with him but this opportunity was too good to miss. "I'd never forgive myself if you missed spending a week doing what you love with one of your favorite artists because of me. Of course I'll miss you but you need to do this. So tell me, when should I have the jet ready to get you to Toronto?"
yourpersonalinsta story post
story replies: user8882 ARE YOU THERE FOR ERAS TOUR??? user029 what are you up to ma'am??? user837 wait. first kylie's on the show and now you're in Toronto the same week as Taylor. ARE WE GETTING A TAYLOR EPISODE OH MY GOD.
TheYappingHour posted
876,029 likes liked by maxverstappen1, taylorswift, alexandrasaintmleux, and others theyappinghour Toronto, you were stunning! Can anyone guess who our next guest on the show is going to be??? Behind the scenes vlog dropping next week ahead of a very very special two part episode set to drop later this month. user928 oh my god, everyone stay calm, it's happening. user020 IS THIS FOR REAL??? I will never recover maxverstappen1 so proud of you my love >>>yourpersonalinsta couldn't do it without you, maxie >>>user928 if there's one thing Max is going to be, it's the first one in the likes and comments on anything his girl does. (liked by yourpersonalinsta) >>>user0298 may this kind of love find me one day
Excerpt from Episode 59 of The Yapping Hour featuring Taylor Swift:
You: Speaking of what you do in your down time, can we talk about how supportive you are of your boyfriend and show up for him despite the Brad's and Chad's hating every second of it?
Taylor: It's so silly to me, how much everyone hates it. When I show up at the game, I'm just like every other significant other. I'm not there to take the spotlight away from anyone, I just want to watch my man play!
You: Oh my God, I totally get it. It's so strange to me the way some fans can't handle someone like you who has a whole other identity outside of who you're dating, showing up to support the person you love.
Taylor: It's like, relax! I'm just here to watch my boyfriend catch a ball!
You: Right? Just let me enjoy watching 20 cars drive around in circles in peace please!
Taylor: You two are so cute though. Trav was watching the race in Monaco a few months back, right after he invested in Alpine, and there was that one shot of you and Max after the end of the race in his garage and you were giving him a hug. I love how loudly you love him and how public he is about you. It's refreshing.
You: Oh gosh, thank you. Yes, he is so supportive of everything I do, just like Travis is. It's such a comfort, isn't it? *Taylor nods* He actually stayed in Austin an extra day so I could use his jet to come up here.
Taylor: Trav was supposed to go to that race but got caught up in training stuff. It looked like so much fun.
You: Have you ever been to a race? Either of you?
Taylor: I haven't but Travis went to the Las Vegas race last year. Said it was the one of the biggest parties he'd ever been to.
You: You'll have to come this year then! It's in a few weeks!
Taylor: I'll talk to Trav and see if we can make it happen.
TheYappingHour posted
1,039,928 likes liked by maxverstappen1, taylorswift, kikagomes, and others theyappinghour What an absolute whirlwind of a week and a half. Spending time with your favorite artist, seeing her in her element, and then spending a few hours talking about everything from what it's like to live such a public life to how important it is to have a supportive significant other. I simply can't wait to share the behind the scenes vlog dropping at the end of this week and then the episode later this month. Taylor, you are a dream of a human being and we are so happy to have had this opportunity. Can't wait to see you and Travis at a race! taylorswift You are such a sweetheart! So glad we got to spend time together this past week! Can't wait to hear the episode my love! kikagomes how does it feel to live my dreammmm bestie??? >>>yourpersonalinsta kiks omg i will never recover from this!! maxverstappen1 Proud of you, as always lifeje. >>>yourpersonalinsta can't wait to see you so so so soon baby
"And he doesn't expect a thing?" You glance up at the ticket counter where the airline employee has begun to call first class. You stand, phone still pressed to your ear, pulling your carry on behind you.
"Nope!" On the other end, Max's PR manager Sophie giggles conspiratorially. "He was just complaining to GP ten minutes ago how he couldn't believe they didn't have more flights from Sao Paulo to Paris. He said he was considering upgrading his jet to one with longer range so he could fly private next time."
You roll your eyes but chuckle. If you were a drama queen, your boyfriend could be the drama king to match sometimes. Although you didn't blame him to be quite honest. After leaving Austin mid way through the race, you had missed the Mexico race entirely. The plan had been for you to fly down to Brazil for the Sao Paulo race but editing and press had taken much longer than you had anticipated so now it was Saturday night and you were boarding a 9 hour flight from New York to the South American country.
Only, Max didn't know that. Max thought you were getting on a flight to Nice via Paris before driving to Monaco where he'd meet you sometime late Monday night or early Tuesday morning. Joke was on him though, you had finished everything up and had called Sophie for help to get you down to Brazil just in time for Sunday's race.
"He's such a baby." You murmur as the flight attendant leads you to your seat.
"He is beside himself missing you." Sophie says and you can hear the smile in her voice. "Just make sure I'm around when he sees you for the firs time, okay? He's going to lose it."
Laughing, you hoist your suitcase into the overhead bin before settling down in the luxurious lie flat seat that will be your bed for the next nine hours. If everything goes right, you'll land in Brazil just as the postponed qualifying is finishing up and will be able to watch the entire race in person.
"Thank you for helping coordinate this, Soph. I really appreciate it."
"Anything to get Max out of this slump he's in!" She replies brightly.
A few minutes later, you hang up the phone and type out a quick text letting Max know you're boarding the flight. Luckily, the flight from New York to Paris is roughly the same time as the flight to Sao Paulo so he doesn't bat an eye when you tell him you'll be unreachable, only telling you that the doorman to his building is expecting you and to make yourself at home in his apartment in Monaco when you get there before he does.
************************************************************************
It is absolutely raining cats and dogs when the car Sophie hired pulls into the track after what feels like a lifetime of travel. Right after they served dinner on your flight, you took a sleeping pill and passed out for the duration of the flight, only waking up once the pilot turned on the overhead lights, signaling your arrival.
A quick text to Sophie alerts her to your arrival and she says she'll come and meet you outside the paddock with an extra umbrella. The driver that picked you up from the airport will take your luggage to the hotel where Max and the team are staying. When the car stops in front of the paddock gates, you spot Sophie immediately.
"Soph!!" You shout the moment you stumble out of the car, limbs a little stiff from the long car ride. Sao Paulo traffic is a beast in the best of weather but in a downpour like this? Nightmarish.
Sophie opens her arms to embrace you, "Oh I am so glad you're here. He is an absolute nightmare right now."
You grimace, knowing exactly why. He'd be starting P17 in a few hours. Between the team having got caught behind a red flag during Q2 and his 5 place grid penalty, it was a nightmare scenario for Max. All of this was compounded by Lando's win in the sprint yesterday and the fact that he was starting on pole today.
"Alright then, lets go. Maybe I can talk him down off a ledge before the race starts."
Sophie grins because she knows you'll be able to do just that. If there was anyone who could calm Mad Max down and bring him back to earth after the kind of morning the team had had today, it was you.
As you weave your way through the crowded paddock, the heavy rain simply not a deterrent to anyone at the track today, Max is in the garage considering the merits of scratching his eyeballs out so that he doesn't have to run this fucking race today. Everything is wrong. The car is terrible. Still. The FIA seemed to have a hard on for fucking up his weekend. Lando was on poll. And worst of all, he really fucking missed you. There was still several days between him and being reunited with you but if he could have just walked right out of the paddock and onto a plane to get to wherever you were in that moment, he would have. The only thing that seemed to settle him during these times lately was your steady presence in the garage. He didn't even need you to say anything, just knowing that you were around, within arms length if he needed you, did something to calm him like nothing else could.
He's talking to GP, actually, he's grumbling at GP when a familiar flash of hair and bright smile catches his eyes. Perfect, he thinks miserably, now I'm imagining her in the garage. I've gone full unhinged obsessed boyfriend, haven't I?
Imagine his shock when he actually hears your voice. "Max." You call out softly, hands clasped in front of you as you wait at the edge of the garage beside Sophie.
Max simply blinks a few times, as if he's trying to figure out if he's hallucinating or if you're really standing in front of him. His heart hammers in his chest when everything finally clicks into place. GP doesn't even bat an eye when Max walks away from him, mid sentence, before crossing the garage in a few short strides.
Max isn't usually one for intense public displays of affection, especailly in the garage and neither are you. There's a level of professionalism he likes to maintain while racing and you have always respected that but when Max sees you standing in front of him, practically drowning in one of his sweatshirts, hair wet and messy from walking through the paddock in the rain, he can't stop himself from scooping you up in his arms. Burying his head in your neck, he inhales deeply. So deeply that his lungs pinch with pain from the way he's trying to commit the way you smell to memory.
"You're here." He murmurs, voice thick and heavy with emotion. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going to meet me in Monaco?"
Max sets you down, not really wanting you out of his arms but wanting to move you to a quieter part of the garage. Behind you, Sophie, GP and the rest of the team discreetly shuffle away to give you two a bit of privacy.
"I knew how hard the last two races were for you and I just..." Pausing, you have to wait for a moment for your hands to stop shaking. You've been running on sheer adrenaline and caffeine for what feels like the last three weeks now and the emotion of the moment catches up to you. "I just wanted to be here for you."
Max lowers his lips to yours, covering them in a kiss that is all longing and white hot heat. He keeps the kiss just this side of tame enough for the garage, not wanting to draw the ire of Christian but he had needed to taste you then. His hand comes up to cup your face while the other slips around your waist, pulling you in closer to his body. He's slightly damp from how wet it's been this morning but none of that matters now that you're back in his arms.
"I missed you so much." He murmurs, blue eyes practially sparkling down at you, he's so happy. It's been weeks since he's felt like this. Settled. Like he can take on the world. For the first time in what feels like forever, Max has a sense of determination that wraps itself around him. Like the championship isn't all but lost to Lando. Like the car isn't going to be terrible today, even though he might not even finish in the points. Like everything he's gone through the past few months on the track is all about to end because you're finally here and if anyone can bring the team luck, it's you.
"I love you." You whisper into his chest. "Now, let's go show the world why you're about to become a 4 time world champion, yeah?"
And that's exactly what he does.
yourpersonalinsta posted
938,398 likes liked by redbullracing, taylorswift, yourdad and others yourpersonalinsta we are SO back, baby!!! What started out as a nightmare of a day turned into a generational drive for the history books. P17 to P1 and I cannot believe I was there to witness it. Max, I am proud of you beyond words. You and the entire team deserve this win today. I love you to the moon and back, Maxie. (tagged: maxverstappen1) taylorswift what a race! Trav and I caught most of it before the game today. Congratulations!!! >>>yourpersonalinsta hope to see you in Vegas in a couple of weeks! >>>user928 oh my god, new bestie duo unlocked!? maxverstappen1 words fail to describe how much I love you baby. Thank you for always being in my corner and never giving up on me, even when I want to give up on myself. Love you to the ends of time, schatje >>>user928 i am SOBBING. Boyfriend Max is my favorite Max.
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#f1#formula 1#max verstappen#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x you#max verstappen fic#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen fluff#f1 fluff#formula one fluff
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