#how am i being spoiled

[kathaynesart]

REPLICA PLAYLIST

MUSIC UNDER CUT

I have been receiving requests for any songs that inspired Replica, so here, have my personal playlist. Sorry it’s not Spotify/Soundcloud but they don’t have some of these songs available so uh… guess you’re stuck with YouTube vids. For fun I'll include my personal titles for them (which might give a few hints of what to expect in the future/end).

Replica Main Theme - “Die for You” by Grabbitz Like Father Like Son Like Brother (Omega and Shelldon) - "As Above So Below" by Alistair Lindsay Mikey's Theme / The 1st Vision - "Suzume no Tojimari" by Nanoka Hara Military (Mad) Dogs / Central Park Colony - "Imperium" by Madeon Shanghai - "Icarus" by Madeon Boom Goes the Donnie-mite (Mikey/Donnie vs the Sweeper) - "The Red Zone" by Mitsuoto Suzuki The Day the Sky Bled Red - "7 Seconds Till the End" by Nobuo Uematsu Going Out Like a Boss (Raph and Leo) - "Agape" by Nicholas Britell Remembering the Right Way (Mikey and Leo) - "The Souls of Many" - by Alistair Lindsay Mystic Hands / The 2nd Vision - "Am I Dreaming" by Metro Boomin x A$AP Book 2 Trailer - "Sea Dragon" by Covet 7 Years Later - "Iron" by Woodkid Leo's Theme / Attack on the Labor Camp - "Ego Death" by Polyphia Omega's Theme - "Touch" by Daft Punk Flat Lines (Omega Alone) - "Die Toteninsel Emptiness" by 1000 Eyes Spear - "Monsters" by Tommee Profitt Final Protocol - "The Kraken" by Katie Dey Rise / Epilogue - "Close in the Distance" by Masayoshi Soken & Tom Mills

I will admit, it's a little embarrassing since you can easily see the patterns of what I've been listening to for the past year or two. I swear I listen to more than just videogame OSTs, these songs just jive well with the story and I often find lyrics distracting when brainstorming scenes. Regardless, the music I listen to is such an important part of my creative process and some of these songs really defined the scenes I now have locked in my head. So I figured it was only fair to give them the credit they're due.

I will continue to add to this playlist, and will note in comic updates when one of these songs is applicable!

[professional-funnyman]

tell me why my mom asked me what i wanted to do for my birthday i told her but she suggested something else to do but when i insisted she said, i quote, 'you cant be spoiled about it' 👁️👄👁️ like. girl you asked me what i wanted to do for my birthday?

[benevolenterrancy]

hi!! I think your art is *so cool* o(≧∇≦o)

do you think you could draw more moshang? either post canon or that au you did last time?? (baby mobei has my heart and all I own)

(˵ •̀ ᴗ •́ ˵ ) oh! how about return to childhood—moshang flavor?

don't question this king, shang qinghua, he knows what he's about

[berryblu-soda]

veeeery slowly making my way through the kotlc series, this is my consensus on Keefe as of finishing book 2

[dead-girl-tells-stories]

I have another idea for a story, but I once again don't know what to write, so I'm building a skeleton.

It's a DC x DP x ML crossover. Damien, Marinette, and Danny are triplets born into the LoA. From birth, they were taught to not see each other as siblings but as rivals for Ra's attention. When they were five, they were dipped (more like dropped) into the pits for the first time. Danny never comes back out. The second time was when they were six. Damien and Marinette came back from a mission gravely injured. Marinette doesn't come back out. Damien becomes the sole heir.

As one can imagine, Danny and Marinette aren't dead but simply taken to where they were needed at the time. That being said, things for these two characters go mostly according to their respective shows after they integrate into society. With the exception that the two of them are more competent and don't fight like rabid raccoons. But things take a dark turn when they turn sixteen.

Marinette

. After finding out that his father is Hawkmoth, Adrien is unable to carry the weight of being the holder of the cat Miraculous, as he doesn't want to fight his father and gives it to Ladybug. He promptly moves to the States to further his modeling career. Marinette, unable to find someone else worthy to be the holder of the cat Miraculous, stores it away and becomes the sole hero of Paris (with occasional helpers). But because of this, her two lives get more intertwined, and she is forced into a corner where she has to choose between being Ladybuy or Marinette.

. But she doesn't get a chance as Hawkmoth is dethroned and replaced by an even greater threat. She is forced to take on the persona of LadyNoir. Her life crumbles as she tries her hardest to balance her life as a hero and a person. She tries to save everyone but someone always ends up getting hurt. Whether it be her as Marinette, clinging to what little of her life is left. Or her as LadyNoir, with no choice but to watch innocent civilians die because she couldn't think of a better plan that could've saved everyone.

. It gets to the point where she makes an unforgivable wish. But every wish has a cost. She only finds out the price when she is forced to stand behind an invisible wall and watch as her life replays before her eyes, the film slowly burning away till there's nothing left. She cries as she falls into an ocean of familiar Lazarus green.

Danny

. Danny's life is also crumbling around him as he struggles to separate his human life from his ghost half. But after becoming the Ghost King, things only became more complicated and even more dangerous as more ghosts started coming through the portal to challenge him for the crown. And while he would really love to give it away, the guys that kept fighting him for it are very clearly evil. So he has to keep fighting, winning, and solidifying his position as the King of the Infinite Realms. But with every win comes a newfound power. Power he doesn't want. Power that scares him.

. It gets to the point when Danny has to drop out of school. He wasn't even scoring double digits anymore so what was the sense of keeping him? But Danny couldn't stay home either, it was too dangerous as his ghost and human halves were slowly becoming one. And his parents' obsession was slowly becoming a threat to him. He thought he had the solution. He was going to shut down the portal and leave Amity Park.

. It was perfect really, as no ghost portal meant no ghost. And he couldn't be vivisected if neither the GIW nor his parents could catch him. He talked the plan over with team phantom and they reluctantly agreed. The ghost portal is destroyed, and Danny leaves Amity and files over Elmerton and a few other towns. But after flying for a while, Danny gets to a sort of border where nothing meets... NOTHING. On the other side was just an infinite void. Nothing.

. Danny slowly realizes that in this world, all he knew was Amity Park. He never actually traveled or went on field trips. Never went to visit extended family nor did any visit. No one 'new' ever came to Amity Park because they were all just nearby. He learned no relevant history besides Amity Park because there was nothing outside of Amity Park. When the realization had finally set in the world began to crumble into the void and it became a race against him and the void.

. Danny knew that he was fast but the void was faster, and before he knew it he was back in Amity. He was going to warn them and try to save as many people as he could. But saw something in their eyes. They already knew. Danny watched how teary eyes and big smiles, everyone and everything he loved crumbled into the void, fading into nothingness.

Scientists across the galaxy, the universe even, often theorize about how everything came to be. Well, it didn't start with a bang, that's for sure. 'Well then how did it start?' you might ask.

Well..., it started with some tears and a scream.

[moeblob]

They're soulmates in every single universe and I miss them at the most random times.

[venomgaia]

wretched thing

[invinciblerodent]

Hitting the "not interested in this post" button over people's endless navel-gaze-y catastrophizing about how "discouraged" and "critical" they're feeling over Veilguard should be an Olympic sport, and brother, I'd bring home the gold

(thank you for the plethora of undodgeable, untagged spoilers btw, bunch of terminally pessimistic dicks)

[so-very-small]

(tw for violence/death in this post; it’s about horror movies but g/t)

im in my Horror Movie era and like. i keep thinking how terrifying would a g/t horror movie be. a tiny protagonist in an oversized world could be so so scary. bugs, animals, unaware humans, even things just like struggling to get consistent meals or finding somewhere genuinely safe enough to rest. you could go psychological thriller about a recently shrunk person struggling to cope. you could have a slasher flick where the slasher is just an unaware giant.

i want Midsommar but it’s a borrower joining a fairy cult. i want Saw where it’s a borrower making traps for humans because they just hate giants. i want Hereditary with the added struggle of a mixed size family dynamic. i want whatever batshit original concepts A24 could do with a g/t dynamic

anyways i think there’s a huge potential for size horror and man. a movie like that would terrify me

[coockie8]

i once had an anti tell me to stop sexualizing their trauma on a story i wrote that was a word for word retelling of my own actual trauma but with names changed and its been 2 years and i still cant stop thinking about that

Ah, yeah... Unfortunately a non-insignificant number of antishippers seem to genuinely believe they own the concept of trauma, so any story they read that they believe to be portrayed in a romanticized or sexualized light therefore must be romanticizing/sexualizing their trauma specifically.

I couldn't tell you the amount of times I've gotten the "stop sexualizing my trauma!!!!!!" or adjacent comments from antishippers that universally garner a response that basically boils down to

Like, bitch! I'm talking about my trauma! I literally did not even know you existed until you fucking commented!

[prettyboykatsuki]

idk if i sent this ask already but the feeling is so much stronger now. i want to baby those bllk men so much theyre so insufferably lovesick its so delightful

me about isagi so bad . him and rin and bachira i would not be able to stop myself from cooing at them. it is some kind of sickness and disease. i genuinely think about it so much KJDSFHFKJD. it makes up so much of my bllk daydreaming....

isagi is my beloved so forreal but being honest there is something . something about rin itoshi that makes me want to coddle him so fucking badly KJFDSJSDK. i know he would hiss and bite at me like cat but i want to do it so bad... i need to pinch his cheek... need to praise him... i can't believe what writing him has done to me i didn't even like the guy a couple months ago .

but he is just sooo... he truly activates the worst of my service top habits. its such a sickness anon it literally plagues me to think about it.

its the same for isagi though i think his reaction is a bit more cutesy when he's being pampered. it's sweet and thoughtful - very charming in a diff way from rin !!! he's like ... quite embarrassed and incredibly loveable the whole itme. isagi appreciates the being pampered and he's good at adapting to his partner, though he can't fully let himself indulge in it (a pride thing). rin is also embarassed but he wants to fight about it.

the only who really lets you spoil spoil him though is in my mind bachira. he loveeesss being spoiled and looked after and kissed and cuddled and he will simply not feel any embarrassment about it ever. he IS your baby and everyone should know actually. he will crawl into your lap or have you pulled into his... actively asks you for praise and attention (and gets . alarmingly aggressive when you're busy. he is a danger to society) but when he's happy he's like a docile sweetheart.

[senseearly]

I tried drawing young mithrun but ended up with an attempt for a kbms lovechild so uh:

MYRTLE (84)

Half-elf/born in Melini

Assigned female at birth/non-binary

Grew in tallman pace until they suddenly stopped growing at 20 years old

Currently working for their uncle (Kerensil Trading Company) in Melini but wants to be an adventurer

Close with their parents as a child but developed a strained relationship with Mithrun and Mithrun's struggles with rying and finding desires (worsened when Kabru died but they're both all good now)

More stuff under the cut:

Myrtle was actually an 'accident' and Mithrun carried them for 4 years (someone shared a HC that elves have a gestation period of 4-5 years so I'm borrowing that lol)

Myrtle spent most of their childhood in the Golden Kingdom and was visited by his uncle (Mithrun's brother) and Milsilril (who they call Auntie but at one point called her 'Grandma'). They are more familiar with Tallman/Golden Kingdom and Utayan culture, but not acquainted with their elven roots (they actually find Western elves intimidating)

Kabru did his very best sharing what he remembers of his hometown; Mithrun had assimilated into the Golden Kingdom way of life at this point and found some (most) of his elven noble ways too cumbersome

Myrtle was a kind child who grew up doted and loved by his parents and relatives. And they love their family with the same ferocity. But growing up, Myrtle was quickly made aware that his father, Mithrun, was 'not normal' - in most days, he was okay; in others, he struggled to get out of bed. In rare days, Mithrun was completely catatonic, and seeing Mithrun unresponsive, staring at the distance, scared Myrtle so much that he became somewhat of a troublemaker child, so that Mithrun always has to act and respond and not have anytime to be lost in his thoughts.

At some point, Myrtle 'disliked' Mithrun for the way that he is, not understanding his situation at all. Myrtle thinks that Mithrun does not love them enough to be better, feels ashamed that they cannot do anything to help Mithrun be better. But Myrtle's feelings on Mithrun comes from a place of love and ignorance - love because they do genuinely love their Father; and ignorance because they were never told why Mithrun was like that (Myrtle heard of what the dungeons were, but Kabru nor Mithrun never bothered to tell of the demon, Mithrun being the dungeon lord, or the full extent of the destruction of Utaya)

Once Myrtle became aware of their parent's pasts, they understood them a lot better.

Also thinking that a point of friction that Myrtle had with his parents was their dream of becoming an adventurer and fighting monsters (which were still rampant, though weaker) and Kabru insisting that they choose any other dream but that. Myrtle in their teenage years found Kabru too strict, too protective, not that Mithrun wasn't. But Mithrun at least was willing to teach them how to fight; Kabru made it clear Myrtle was not allowed near even a walking mushroom. Learning that Kabru was from Utaya, and what exactly happened in Utaya, made Myrtle understand why.

Eventually though Kabru concedes, knowing that Myrtle is much more capable, and surrounded by their own friends and comrades who will support them. I think in the last years of his life, Kabru made sure to prepare everything that will help Myrtle in his adventuring journey if they chose to embark once he is gone - such as speaking with guilds all over the content, ensuring a diplomatic immunity for Myrtle when they're in ally countries, writing an annotated adventure guide just for them, etc.

They work as a Vice-Manager of the Kerensil Trading Company (Mithrun's brother's merchant empire), but that's just a gloried name for the position of intern. Mithrun technically manages the Kerensil Trading Company branch in Melini, and is being pestered by Mithrun's brother to take over the main branch so that Mithrun will move back to the West. Mithrun is unmoved so Mithrun's brother has plans to declare Myrtle as 'heir' of the Kerensil merchant empire, all for the purpose of having his brother and niece move to the West (Mithrun's brother does not see the point of Mithrun and Myrtle staying at the Golden Kingdom any longer after Kabru's death)

(The beauty mark next to Myrtle's right eye is something that they got from Kabru's mother)

[helenkordart]

Recently the 4th volume of the english Thousand Autumns came out and when I saw Mimo′s design of beloved old fart Guang Lingsan, all I could say was "awooga humina humina humina", so like

[musings-of-miss-j]

SPOILER below

Maybe don’t read chapter 117😬

(New chapter in 7 hours I don’t know what to feel)

we don’t speak of chapter 117. in fact it never happened. 117 isn’t even a number

[flameof]

Okay, Gundam SEED Freedom has completely taken over my brain for the past 24 hours. I ABSOLUTELY MUST GUSH LORE AND PUT IT DOWN SOMEWHERE.

Naturally, there will be major spoilers for Freedom below the cutoff. If you don't want to be spoiled, then TURN BACK NOW, PLEASE.

Okay, we good? Good.

First the lore: A major theme throughout quite honestly the entire SEED series is that of Destiny. Rau le Creuset believed it was humanities destiny to destroy itself, Gilbert Durandal believed humanity would be happiest if their destiny was determined by genetics, and Foundation, the nation introduced in Freedom, follows in Durandal's footsteps, only to a more violet degree.

The main thing that differs Foundation from Durandal is the existence of Accords; basically Ultimate Coordinator MK2. At some point between Ulen Hibiki's initial experiments that created both Kira Yamato and Rau le Creuset, and Durandal being a part of whatever it was when he devised the Destiny Plan (as well as whatever created Rey za Burrel), two particular individuals were a part of the overall scheme. These two were Aura Maha Khyber (the blonde loli), and Lacus' mother.

That's right. Lacus Clyne is an Accord. She, alongside Orphee Lam Tao (blonde dude), were designed with the express purpose of running the Destiny Plan as a couple. Arranged marriage between Coordinators is no big surprise, let's be real. Hell, Lacus was probably genetically coded to be attracted to Orphee, shown in the movie by certain scenes (not show how else to describe them).

But, as you might guess (or know, if you've seen the movie), Lacus still chooses Kira over Orphee. Why? Well, time for some theorycrafting.

It's my believe that the main message of Freedom is one of Nature VS Nurture. Who we are genetically vs Who we are, raised by our environment.

Kira Yamato is a First Generation Ultimate Coordinator, so while he's outstanding compared to normal Coordinators, he pales in comparison to the Accords. But, Kira always said he was more than just the byproduct of Ulen Hibiki's hubris. More than a child of Ulen, he is a Yamato; raised and nurtured by Caridad and Hamura Yamato, after being entrusted to them by Via Hibiki, his mother by blood. Kira's kindness may very well be engrained into his DNA, but it was something he was taught to value by the Yamato's. He could have easily become conceited, like so many other Coordinators, but he didn't.

Just the same, Lacus Clyne, as far as we knew up to Destiny, was raised by the late Siegel Clyne, who almost certainly taught her to value people based on who they are, not what they represent. She can be cunning underneath her cheerful exterior in her youth, but she gravitated towards Kira because he was Kira Yamato; the kind boy who stuck his neck out for a stranger.

A wise dragon once said: Destiny is little more than the sum of our choices. I feel this quote perfectly encapsulates the core of SEED as a whole, not just Freedom. Destiny shouldn't be something chosen for you; it should be something you yourself choose. And in the end, Lacus chose Kira. A common theme in Freedom was the idea of 'Loving someone because you need them', which Lacus herself refutes with "You don't love someone because you need them; You need them, because you love them". Its a sentiment that Kira actually shares, when the woman holding Lacus at knife point threatens to cut our her tongue, or gouge her eyes out, and see if Kira still loves her then, Kira's immediate response... is of course I'd still love her; she's Lacus.

The Destiny Plan, laid out by Durandal, and worked on by so many, like Aura and Lacus's mother, was (ha ha) destined to fail, and I believe it all comes back to the choices two parents, unrelated to each other, made for the sake of their children. Because Via Hibiki got Kira and Cagalli to the Yamato's and Athha's, and all because Siegel Clyne taught Lacus to value the kindness of a stranger, over the power of your destiny.

Funnily enough, I'm remembering a line Kuzzey says back in SEED, about just how much work went into making Lacus's voice the way it is. Turns out; a lot.

It also makes me wonder if Meer Campbell was something of a backup plan, since she sounds identical to Lacus.

Okay, gushing about the new lore done. Now, let's talk about the awesome.

First off: The Immortal Justice is a Shinn Asuka suit, not an Athrun Zala suit. I don't make the rules, but Athrun never sat his ass down in the Immortal Justice.

Next, Agnes Giebenrath can literally be described as 'Coordinator Flay Allster', and I appreciate her for that.

Then, there's all the callbacks to other characters that had passed away, specifically Nicol and Natarle. Those two had complete maneuvers and tactics named after them. They're gone, but never forgotten.

As I mentioned in my last SEED Freedom post, Athrun did stuff with the Z'Gok that would make Char envious. The way Athrun handled that machine made me think he was Master Asia, Undefeated of the East.

Next, as we all well know by now, the way Athrun managed to get one up on the Black Knights' ability to read his mind; by thinking about having sex with Cagalli.

Next! Once more Mu La Flaga proves himself to be the man who does the impossible... by face-tanking FREAKING REQUIEM WITH THE AKATSUKI! Man practically said he had to stop doing that.

Then, there's the new warship, Millennium. Not only is it state of the art, but Murrue, once she starts captaining it, gets her own assault deck where she controls FREAKING GUNBARRELS! The Millennium is a warship sized Moebius Zero!

Finally, for the last thing I want to gush about: Shinn Asuka. Just... all of him. From the fact that he's calmer, earnest, stands up for Kira, drinks his 'respect' juice, and at the end, when he gets the Destiny Gundam back, he faces off against four of the Black Knights, and kicks their asses... WITHOUT TAKING MAJOR DAMAGE. Not only that, but STELLA LOUSSIER makes a comeback, proving definitively that Shinn Asuka is the Kamille Bidan of the CE era, by protecting Shinn's mind from being probed by the Black Knights, freaking them out by going all nightmare on their asses (which is probably just a representation of them being scared by just how much darkness is in his heart), and then immediately followed by him putting the F91 to shame and using the much meme'd about afterimages to kick ass and take names. Shinn may have lost to them before, but only because he wasn't using the machine literally built for him. Also, before I forget, when Shinn went SEED mode during that same battle, the Black Knights couldn't read his mind. Shinn's instincts are just that good.

Okay. I'm done. I've gushed all I can.

[chaimachi]

Noiz's Neurodivergence

I recently started playing DMMD and just finished Noiz's route. As I played and learned more about Noiz it struck me that he came off as extremely neurodivergent coded. The more I thought about his route, the more I realized how it really strongly reflects neurodivergent individuals and their struggles in society. The thought has kind of overtaken my brain space, so I've decided to yap about it some and make an semi-analysis post.

A few notes:

Personally, I came away reading him as autistic, but if you read him as ADHD/ADD, AuDHD, or neurodivergent in other ways, that's fair! For generality I'll stick to using neurodivergent here.

I'm basisng this on my own knowledge and experiences, if these don't match your experiences, you disagree, or would like to add something that's okay and please do! I'm interested in conversing with others about this topic and would love to see other opinions.

If I use incorrect/outdated or offensive language please let me know. I don't want to harm anyone with my words, but if I do please let me know so I can correct it.

I haven't read or played re:connect yet, so I won't be including information from there. While writting most of this I also hadn't finished Ren's route yet either, so I won't include information from there!

Why I think Noiz is Neurodivergent I'll admit, Noiz was not my favorite character during the shared/general route scenes. He came off as a brat, a character archetype I'm not too fond of. Don't get me wrong, I still think he's a brat, but more of a loveable brat now.

It wasn't until I entered Platinum Jail and his route in honest that I started to realize he displayed neurodivergent traits. The first time it crossed my mind was when he was in Glitter with Aoba and suddenly swapped topics, asking if Aoba was hungry. The tonal shift was absolutely jarring. Jarring to the point that, coupled with Aoba's response and Noiz's own nonchalance, I realized he wasn't trying to aggressively change the topic. He literally just got carried away by an intrusive thought. He realized he was hungry, and just jumped on that train of thought and got carried away with it. This moment was like a lightbulb for me, I was "Oh, he's got ADD."

Suddenly, Noiz's character started making so much more sense to me. He's got intrusive thoughts, he literally follows a conversation at his own flow, which Aoba finds hard to follow at times. He has his own leaps in logic, something you commonly hear about neurotypical individuals trying to understand, how neurodivergent individuals can jump from one topic to another. Noiz suddenly saying he's hungry and then just leaving while Aoba is standing there gobsmacked mirrors one of these interactions so strongly. To Noiz him being hungry and acting on it makes sense, meanwhile Aoba is left wondering what just happened and annoyed. Looking back at several of his conversations in the general route, I get an entirely different feel for him and several things click into place. He's not purposefully ignoring Aoba when he broke into Aoba's room (he's still capable of doing it, because he's still a brat when he wants to be), instead Noiz is just following the conversation at his own pace, resulting in Aoba finding the flow of the conversation strange.

Moving along to the food trucks, we see Noiz going around buying all kinds of food. He's like a kid in a candy store, literally. He's so interested in these different types of food in front of him that he's going wild buying them all, showing how he's chasing a dopamine rush but also somewhat lacks impulse control. His impulse control with money could be a side effect of or just further exacerbated by being rich, but I think could be a neurodivergent trait for him. Especially because Aoba himself mentions that Noiz is buying more food than one person could possibly eat, and we never hear about Noiz himself eating more than an average individual. Noiz is just so captivated by all the kinds of food offered that he buys without thinking about how much he can feesibly eat. Later on in the fist fights we see him just diving right in without thinking of the danger or getting hurt, but this is also related to his lack of care for himself or getting hurt. Ultimately the impulsivity is there, and while it could stem from other external influences, to me it comes off as a sign of neurodivergency for Noiz.

For me, the moment that made a lightbulb go off and I realized Noiz was neurodivergent (autistic in my interpretation) was when he mentioned just living off delivery pizza and pasta. At this moment I put my head in my hands and just whispered "oh he is autistic." It was such a simple statement, but when I learned he was okay eating the same things day after day, I couldn't help but equate it to how neurodivergent individuals can have food preferences where they prefer to eat the same food repeatedly. Now, Noiz doesn't mention any texture issues, actually he seems to love trying other foods. But he does say he has lived on pizza and pasta for years, which makes me feel like it is a comfort to him because it is simple to obtain/make and he knows it tastes good. It's such a simple moment/statement, but that really helped Noiz's neurodivergence click into place for me, because while not a one to one similarity of a common associated trait it reminded me of a commonly discussed trait.

From here on, I recontextualized a lot of Noiz's own personality traits and it all just seemed to fit together so well. Heck, one of his positive choice options hit a personal note with me. He shows a strong dislike for being interrupted while he's engrossed in work, he does not enjoy or tolerate his concentration being broken, a trait I find quite relatable. All of this together made me realize he has issues communicating with others and understanding social cues. Yes, he is a standoffish brat but he also just has no clue how to properly communicate and read the room.

For his inability to read social cues we have scenes like Noiz kissing Aoba out of the blue and not understanding why Aoba finds it weird. His social normalcy can even differ from the reader, at times, he seems pretty chill for just barging into Aoba's house or job and then having Aoba follow his lead. This isn't even touching on how he seems so distanced from any form of "normal" physical affection such as kissing or sex. Normally I'd say, okay these don't have to really mean anything, but when you juxtapose it against Aoba's (or even Mio's) reaction, it just drives home that his definition of social normalcy and theirs are completely different. He also, y'know seems completely unable to realize that people can just care, taking genuine concern and turning it transactional. I'd also like to highlight how Noiz seems good at making eye contact, until you strip him of his own armor forged of stubborness, then we see him glance away. He doesn't start avoiding eye contact after that, but I did find it interesting that he displayed yet another commonly associaed neurodivergent trait only when finally showing some of his true feelings.

This doesn't even include his own sensitivity to touch/pain. That was another trait that seemed to hint at neurodivergence, a lack of sensitivity to pain has been debated as a neurodivergent trait, however it is known that individuals can suffer from either hyper- or hyposensitivity. I feel like Noiz just can be put in the latter category.

One last bit I'd like to mention is his hyper-focus/obsessive interest in Rhyme, especially after losing to Aoba. I'll discuss Rhyme a bit more later though! Mostly I'd like to point out how his issues with losing could be interpreted as rejection sensitivity almost. I'd also like to propose Rhyme and his overall stubborness as an attempt at masking, not showing his weakness or problems. He intentionally was trying to seem like a standoffish brat instead of letting his inability to understand humans show. But in truth, he wasn't a standoffish asshole, he just didn't know how to communicate and connect with others. And this becomes a core theme for him as his route progresses.

The Struggle to Connect with Others

Noiz's primary psychological struggle is his inability to understand others (because he can't feel pain) and make meaningful connections as a result.

He repeatedly mentions how he doesn't understand Aoba wanting to help him just because Aoba cares about him as a person. While this is also because he's been used for his money and other reasources, that doesn't change his core issue of how he can't understand people. How he has been unable to truly connect with anyone since he was young, leading him to a life of loneliness and being even more unable to understand and connect with others.

His struggle resonates strongly with me on how at times neurodivergent individuals struggle to understand the reasoning behind rules/actions or connect with other people and maintain relationships. I see his struggle, his suffering because he is existing in a world that is not made to help him with individuals who are unable to help him learn to adapt or cope. So instead, he makes his own defense/coping mechanisms and attempts to mask to the best of his ability. He belives everything is transactional, that life is all about give and take. He uses stubborness and aggression as a shield. He'd rather have his wound bleed out and get infected than have another person care for him.

Looking back at Rhyme, it is his hyperfocus. Hyperfocusing on Rhyme makes it almost like Noiz's life line, his safe space. Rhyme is the the one thing that he feels like he can use to connect with others (even if he is still lonely standing at the top). That's why his loss to Aoba shakes him so hard, because his safe space had been intruded upon. If he's not the strongest in Rhyme, if he's not the strongest and loses, then the mask and shields that he so carefully crafted will begin crumbling down. If he can't be the strongest in a world where he's on an even playingfield with others, where he can feel pain, then how is he supposed to survive in a world where he's at a disadvantage. It's Noiz's struggle to live in a world not made for him, where he's at a disadvantage and tries but fails to comprehend others that makes me relate his story so strongly to neurodivergence. It's seeing Noiz get up, and even though he still does not fully understand, decide he'll treat Aoba's burn injury that makes me find his story compelling. His story shows that he can survive in the world, that he can come to terms more with his own inability to experience similar situations. But he can't do it alone, he needs help by his side and I think Aoba does a wonderful job of supporting Noiz.

Aoba spends the route trying to understand Noiz, and when he realizes Noiz's struggle, he doesn't berate him. Instead, Aoba extends kindness and warmth to Noiz. If Noiz struggles to understand, then Aoba won't berate him, instead he'll try to help Noiz. He'll help Noiz learn to connect to other people and not be alone. Aoba was willing to do this before he even helped Noiz gain the sensation of touch, which I think is a beautiful message. Aoba shows an inherent kindness towards Noiz and also promotes Noiz learning healthy coping mechanisms instead of staying behind his crudly made stubborness. To me, Aoba represents a world/individual that tries to adapt for neurodivergent individuals, helping them to understand and survive in life. Aoba saying he'll teach Noiz pain, he doesn't mean physically he means helping Noiz learn and process his emotions. He wants to show Noiz that the world isn't terrible, that there are people who will accept him despite his differences and help him find a way to survive in the world. Which brings me to Noiz's good ending.

Noiz's Good End: Abelist or a Lesson on Acceptance and Coping?

When I first got his good end, I was left with a slightly bitter taste in my mouth. Noiz learned how to feel pain and other sensations, he lost the main reason behind his inability to understand and connect with others. This was done through Aoba using Scrap, so at first I was left finding it to be a "magic cure" for the core issues that made him readable as neurodivergent. I was left feeling disappointed, like the game was telling me Noiz's neurodivergent traits were bad and that he needed to be "fixed." Overall, Noiz gaining sensation, losing the barrier that made his life harder just soured the excellent writing of his route for me.

But then, I rolled the ending around in my head more. I realized personality wise, Noiz hadn't changed. He does come off as more open and emotive, but I think it's safe to say those feelings were always there. He just now feels comfortable enough to let his guard down and show them to others. The only thing that had changed was Aoba showing Noiz acceptance, being the first person in his life truly capable of extending a hand and offering that acceptance to him. I thought more about Scrap and how Aoba says he's destroying a part of the mind, but in all honesty this "destruction" stems from acceptance. Koujaku accepts his bloody past, Mink accepts that it is okay for him to live, and Noiz, Noiz accepts that he CAN and WANTS to connect with others even if he can't feel pain. In return, Aoba extends the exact same acceptance to his friends/romantic interests. He does not fully understand them, he can never fully relate to his friend's traumas and struggles, but he can accept them. Accept them as a part of the people he cares about, and show everytone that no matter what their past was or their struggle that he will be there for them. Honestly, Aoba is just a great friend in general due to his innate kindness.

Aoba himself is what saves me from thinking this ending is ableist in nature. Because he offers to help Noiz learn about the emotion behind pain and how to form bonds, before Noiz even gets Scrap'd. Instead of seeing Scrap as destroying Noiz's neurodivergence, I see it now as Aoba accepting Noiz, neurodivergence and all. Due to this acceptance we can finally see Noiz let down his guard, unmasking for the first time if you will. Noiz doesn't magically have a good relationship with everyone in his ending either. Instead, he starts trying to move forward and learn how to live alongside others in society. It's because Aoba was the first person who stood by Noiz and showed him the patience required to help Noiz learn how to interact and connect with others. Ultimately, that's what I think Noiz getting Scrap'd represents. It represents Noiz finally being able to move forward because he met someone who could help support him as he learns to navigate the tricky roads of social etiquette and expectations. He's found a companion who can help him understand his own emotions. Aoba represents the person who will not baby Noiz and let him get away with everything, but also shows him the understanding Noiz needs in order to learn.

Also our boy Noiz still does retain several of his neurodivergent traits. We still see him leading the conversation at his own flow while Aoba is left trying to say his piece. We see Noiz just automatically jumping to Aoba come live with me in Germany, honestly giving the vibe that he'd whisk Aoba away right that second if possible. He's still Noiz, a young adult who can be bratty and spoiled at times, but now he finally has a support system. With that support system in place, he finally feels free enough to show his true self to others. Becaue now he knows that if he fails or makes a mistake, he won't be ridiculed and locked away, but instead have a partner who can help guide him.

Overall, Noiz's route has to be my favorite in terms of writing because it deals with such a real and personal struggle that many people can relate to.

Anyways that's all from me! If you disagree and the ending still leaves a bad taste in your mouth, that is perfectly valid! I just personally wanted to look at it from another angle and give the writers the benefit of the doubt. I'd be interested in other opinions though! Thanks for reading if you did, I mostly wrote this to get rid of the brain worm, but if you read and liked it I appreciate it!