#hoping to god at least one person recognizes this LMAO

[11queensupreme11]

his curiosity is more like "hmmm, i wonder what a human would be like as a pet..."

OMG.

I was the anon who wrote a few days ago that I was considering writing a yandere story about Percy's children and that one of them would definitely be Ariel.

LITERALLY the plot I have in my head is a mortal girl who like Percy somehow ends up in the ror!verse and Percy as the good soul she is recognizes herself in the situation MC has gotten into and wants to help her survive among all these bloodthirsty gods.

And the only way she can think of to keep her close without annoying her husbands too much is to take MC as her pet lmfao

"please daddy let me take this human" 🥺

And yeah, in short, in which of the palaces of her husbands Percy is, there will be and MC, something like a personal maid, but I haven't completely clarified this part yet, and we still don't know how things will be in AB until the end.

So she'll befriend Percy pretty quickly, and in order to survive among all these kids jealous of their mother's attention, MC would use a sort of reverse psychology to make them think they are using her, when in reality she had planned it, to help them get their mother's attention in ways only a mortal teenage girl would know 😭 (i already have a few ideas written down)

And right now I'm just waiting for all the kids and their personalities to be ready so I can decide how to approach them and gauge who I think I can handle as interesting and believable yanderes ahahah

But I was just really happy to see this comment about the pet and since Ariel is currently the only sure chosen yan I just had to share all of this. 😂

I hope you like it queen 💗

OH I LOVE THIS IDEA!!!! i can't wait to read it, but i have one question!!!

"a mortal girl who like Percy somehow ends up in the ror!verse" like she's from another universe and gets yoinked into ror verse??? her soul would be slowly breaking just like percy's was, unless your changing that part OR do you mean she's from the same universe, just a midgardian who somehow ended up falling into the atlantean empire (maybe she was drowning or ariel saves her lol) or a midgardian that somehow ended up in valhalla despite being alive????

anyway, i love this, but poor girl having to deal with the yan kids and percy's crazy husbands 😭😭 at least she's got percy??? but that could be a double-edged sword lmao

i can't wait to read this! i'm already preparing individual profiles for the kids and writing some tidbits of their personalities hehe. idk when they'll be ready tho 🥲

[brodorokihousuke]

Why must you be such an angry young man When your future looks quite bright to me?

welcome to another round of "I listen to modern music, I swear!". Commentary and original album cover under the cut.

if you’re only interested in my art, follow me over at @brodartrokihousuke

From the moment I heard "Fooling Yourself (The Angry Young Man)", I knew I needed to draw to the cover... but it took me a while to figure out exactly how to go about doing that! There is... a lot going on, up there!

I think this is genuinely the best person I've painted, ever. Which is really funny. Oh well, I enjoyed making it- especially the title change LMAO. It was so hard to pull that A off, I swear. And even harder to pull off his face... You can actually tell when I started to actually use references! (3rd one)

Also, how did I get the witness stand down? Well...

the magic of having all the 3d models at my fingertips!

[strawbeerossi]

August || Chapter One

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

Chapter Description: After a few days, you are back at the office whenever you have an emotional outburst over the JJ/Spencer situation. That leaves you to have a soul shattering boundary you need to put into place.

Content/Warnings: Drama in the workplace, mentions of questioning self worth, Penelope is the best friend ever (duh), horrible friends, Spencer is an ass (again, sorry lmao)

WC: 2K

Navigation || August Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Request

🏷️ @sadroses98 @mega-kittyglitter-1 @cultish-corner @s0urmarvel @measure-in-pain @yourfavoritefangirl @imjustheretoreads-blog @bookworm003 @finnysmusic @itsbritney123 @hizzielover @tlou-reid @babyspiderling @sunsebaessie @lilrios-world @reidsdaisies @heleaflm @emotionalecho @witchcraftandwit @azxulaa @small-and-violent @corpsebridenightamare

“I don’t think I can come in today. I’m sick." You spoke to Emily over the phone, even feigning a cough, as you were just hoping she’d fall for it. It was only a few days after the wedding, the whole water in the face incident creeping up to embarrass you. 

“You can’t avoid them forever, you know. Now come to the office. All you need to do is work and then go home. No need to talk to JJ or Spencer.” The unit chief spoke over the phone, her tone making you just feel the disapproving look on her face. 

“Fine..” You huffed a bit while pushing yourself up from your couch, already dressed for the day, anyway. “I’ll be there soon.” With a defeated sigh, you were hanging up the phone and pocketing the device. It would be a good day, right? All you had to do was get through it.

The drive to the office was horrible, feeling nauseous with each mile you drove. Most people would assume that after your small outburst at the wedding, you’d feel better. That was far from the case. The action just made you feel worse, knowing that Spencer nor JJ attempted to follow you out, to explain themselves. There was radio silence from both of them.

You probably should’ve expected that. 

As you arrived at the dreaded building and parked in the parking garage, it wasn’t long until you were on the elevator and on your way up to the floor you needed to get to. The more you stood there, the sicker you felt. Facing two people who you are forced to work with is going to do nothing but hurt you even further. You could quit, although then you’d be homeless. Putting in a transfer was a good option, even if you’d miss your other teammates. 

The sound of the elevator’s ding was tearing you from your thoughts, your steps deliberately smaller and slower just to take the last few seconds to prepare yourself. The minute your hand was on the glass doors of the bullpen, you knew there was no more hiding. 

Much to your surprise, the team was too busy at their desks to even look up. Thank god. You quietly approached your desk, your purse being placed underneath, as you took your seat. That got everyone’s attention.

“Hey.” Luke spoke first, a smile on his face. “You’re later than you usually are, was worried we’d have to come get you.” He joked, causing Tara to laugh softly from her desk.

“We would’ve been there too. It isn’t a good workday when you’re not here.”

At least you knew the rest of the team considered you as a friend. No way they’d ever do the things JJ and Spencer did to you. Just thinking of them had a frown on your face, your eyes on a file that you’d opened previously. 

“Well, I couldn’t leave my favorite people hanging, could I?” You finally broke the silence while offering a forced smile. The idea of a transfer just made you feel horrible now. You were stuck here, no escape in sight.

While you were working on a case file you’d neglected, it wasn’t long before the door was opening again. This time, there was laughter and lighthearted discussion from two very distinct voices that you recognized. God damn it.

It was best to keep your eyes down, even though you could feel every person’s eyes burning into your skin, just waiting for a reaction. You felt like a circus act, expected to perform based on one interaction you had a few days ago.

The three of you didn’t even have to look each other in the eyes in order to make the whole room thick with tension that the strongest knife couldn’t even cut. “Can we be adults? I really don’t wanna discuss what happened.” JJ spoke up, knowing the attention was on all three of you. 

The audacity of her wanting to move on was what made you finally turn around, your ears heating from the anger that was still deep inside you. “Are you kidding me? You wanna be an adult and not get questions?” You asked, unable to help the laugh that fell from your lips. “Here’s a question that I know you want to be asked; How’s Will doing? Judging by how you wasted his time for.. Eleven years? Better yet, how are Michael and Henry? I think that someone needs to look out for them.” Venom seeped deep into every syllable.

She had a family. A husband who loved her, children who adored her and needed her. Yet here she was, with a man who she hadn’t even shown any interest in. The whole situation made you sick to even think about.

“That’s not fair.” The blonde spoke up, visibly hurt by the topic being brought up. The absolute fucking nerve. 

“You’re right. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to Will and the boys at all. I guess you didn’t stop to think about them, did you?”

“Enough!” Emily snapped from the doorway of her office, arms crossed over her chest. “This is ridiculous. The last thing any of us need is you two bickering all the time. I suggest you solve this and let it go. I will not deal with the bullshit. I’m sorry.” 

The frustration of your unit chief made you take a breath, putting your hands up. “I can’t pretend like this is right and I will not endorse this fraud of a relationship. If you choose to fire me, that’s fine.” Your built up anger and hurt made you push in your chair, your purse on your arm as you were storming out of the bullpen.

Penelope was the one that caught you in the hallway as you were making your escape. “Wait!” She screamed, quickly following behind you and grabbing your arm before you could make it to the elevator. “Come hang out with me for a little bit. Don’t make any rash decisions.” 

You didn’t answer, instead just letting the tech analyst pull you behind her into the safety of the batcave. As soon as that heavy door was closed and you realized you were with one of your best friends, it was like the dam holding in all your tears had been burst open as a hot stream of tears was running down your cheeks.

“Oh, honey..” Penelope frowned softly as she was letting her arms wrap around your body, giving you a tight squeeze as she was rubbing your back. “It’s okay, you can sit in here as long as you want. We will just tell Emily that you need some Garcia time.” Everyone could benefit from such time. 

You were forced into one of the chairs while the bubbly blonde grabbed one of her many phones to inform Emily on what was going on. “Just so you know, I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling the way you do. I would be just as upset.” She assured, the woman now sitting down beside you while gently holding your hand. “I just think that you should maybe calm down a bit. We don’t need any physical fights.” 

“I can’t help it, Pen. Why? Why would JJ encourage me to tell Spencer how I feel about him and then jump on him at the next opportunity. She has a family.” You knew that she wouldn’t have a concrete answer for you but you had to admit, it was nice just ranting to her about it. “It also hurts knowing that Spencer just.. Stopped talking to me. It made me feel like I was a placeholder for her. Like he was just entertaining himself until what he truly wanted came around..” 

There was a soft silence between you both, though it was soon being broken whenever there was a knock on the door. “Come in!” Penelope called to the mystery guest, although the both of you were in a stunned silence whenever Spencer Reid was poking his head through the door. 

“I come in peace, just let me talk.” 

“Too little, too late. I don’t wanna hear it.” You spoke, standing your ground.

Instead of taking the hint, the man just entered the room before closing the door behind him. “I understand that you’re mad at me, pissed at me even. I can handle it. That being said, I don’t want trouble. I came to personally apologize. I was a shitty friend to you these past few days with not reaching out.” 

“You are a shitty friend, Spencer. You know, I thought you were supposed to be by my side. I don’t expect you to be madly in love with me but what kind of friend ignores someone for days? What kind of friend makes their friend feel unimportant and makes them question their self worth?” You asked, keeping your composure as you were going to put everything on the table.

“I think you’re a horrible friend. Not just to me but to Will. I think you’re a horrible person who broke up a family. JJ may have left Will but you didn’t even stop and try to make her consider her husband. You were selfish.”

It seemed like a sobering realization, judging by the way Spencer’s eyes widened and his body went stiff. He needed to hear that, even if he wasn’t planning on changing things. “I- Wow. I don’t know what to say,” He let out an awkward chuckle as his hand rubbed the back of his neck. 

“I’m sure you don’t. Doesn’t sound like a good situation whenever someone says it out loud, does it?” You asked, voice cracking toward the end of the sentence as you were clearing your throat. “I just want you to know that I have no interest in talking to you outside of work. I think it’s best for you just to stay away.” A necessary boundary that killed you inside, however it needed to be put into place. 

“You don’t mean that. I don’t wanna lose you permanently like that. Please, just take some time to consider.”

“You lost me the moment that you chose to devote every ounce of your time to someone who didn’t ever say that she wanted to be with you until the night you were in a hostage situation together.” 

“We weren’t even dating, listen to yourself. We had sex, what, a few times? I hardly find that as something serious, especially whenever you never even seemed like you objected to the thought of something casual.” 

“Spencer Reid!” Penelope’s horrified voice was what solidified that you weren’t crazy, that he was in the wrong just as much as you could be.

You wanted to scream, punch him, cry, and just lose it. This wasn’t the place for such outbursts but you knew that the minute you got out of everyone’s line of sight, you were going to shatter. 

Your nights spent with Spencer were something you cherished. The way he’d touch you, the way he’d hold you.. It just felt like there was something real there, the potential for a love story that you could read about in novels, see in movies, even hear in songs. Instead, you were casted off as a casual plaything. There was no care behind the long nights spent tangled in one another’s embrace. 

“You know,” There was a laugh erupting, your arms over your chest. “JJ is gonna get bored of you. If she can leave her husband, she will leave you too. I think the day she does that is the day that you will feel the same way that I do. And you know what? I hope it fucking hurts. I hope she keeps you up at night wondering why you weren’t good enough.” 

With that, you were done. Emily would most definitely be calling you in her office for a meeting in the morning, so you just grabbed your bag and walked to the elevator.

You said what you needed to say and you thought it would make you feel relieved, instead, there was more hurt than you could’ve possibly fathomed. 

How stupid you were to think that he actually saw something in you.

[stevie-petey]

oh also,,, whenever you wanna write. chap 6 steve & robin pov blurb because i am so sure steve would be going on and on about bug once she left so my soul needs that thank you <3

im kicking myself idk why i didnt include this scene in the chapter like its PERFECT for what i have planned later but ,,, for now all i can do is make it a blurb n tell people to read it lmao

enjoy <3

"it didnt matter that you were an ass. i was still... obsessed with you." robins confession hangs in the air. her back is pressed against steves as they lay on the floor, bound together. his eye stings and his nose is numb and crusted with dried blood. he isnt sure why shes telling him this.

"even though all of us losers pretend to be above it all, we still just wanna be popular. accepted. normal."

the rope around steves wrists tense. he clenches his fists and bites the inside of his swollen cheek. acceptance. he thought he had that, once. when he was sixteen with a crowd of people who wouldve done anything for his attention.

now hes eighteen and the crowds bruises still tinge his body.

"if it makes you feel any better, having those things isnt all that great. seriously." it took him a long time to learn that. to recognize that his acceptance was merely a precedence. it wasnt real friendship. he wouldnt learn this until he met you, until you taught it to him. "it just baffles me. everything that people tell you is important, everything that people say you should care about, its all just... bullshit."

bullshit. nancy taught him that, too.

"its all just bullshit, it was so obviously bullshit. i was an idiot for not realizing it sooner," steve bites the inside of is cheek again. somehow, his lips remained untouched when he was being beaten by the russians. your lips still linger on his. "you know, the only person who saw through my bullshit was y/n. one day, before we knew about monsters and russian lairs, she said that she knew i wasnt a bad person. it... it stuck with me. here she was, y/n henderson, telling me i wasnt so bad."

"and then...?" robin is almost too afraid to press him further. shes never seen him like this, vulnerable and open. she didnt know that his history with you went beyond just a summer fling.

steve nudges his head back and sighs. "i messed up. i... i hurt people. people she cared about."

robin frowns. you wouldnt forgive someone so easily for that. theres more to what steve is saying, she just cant figure out what. "she must really love you, then. if she forgave you."

"i dont know if she loves me, but i know that she believes in me. sees someone worth putting up with." he huffs, he cant believe he will never see you again. he hates that he will never be able to thank you for seeing a version of him that no one else could. "it wasnt until i messed up that i realized she saw something in me. its ironic, isnt it? but i guess you gotta mess up to figure things out, right?"

he had to mess up to realize that he loved you, too.

"i hope so. i feel like my whole life has been one big error." robin admits. its the least she could do, offer steve a piece of herself in return for what hes offered her.

an unattractive snort escapes steve. he laughs, and his shoulders shake against robins. he understands exactly what she means. "yup."

"god, i wonder how y/n does it."

"does what?"

robin pauses, worries that she might reveal too much. but its steve. if theyre going to die together, he deserves to know. he has to know. "shes always able to see the error in people and love them anyways."

steve is quiet. he lets what she said settle over him. its what he loves the most about you. how youve always managed to see the good in people, even in someone as cruel as billy. he hadnt known that robin noticed this kindness in you, too.

she seems to understand you in a way only he and jonathan do.

"you know, i wish id known you in clicks class." its a peace offering. an extension of himself to robin for caring about you the way he does. no one really seems to be able, despite how easy steve finds it to be.

"yeah?"

"really, i do. maybe you couldve helped me pass the class." he breathes out, the thought of all he couldve done differently will always haunt him. king steve is dead, but the persona is a ghost he will never be able to get rid of. "maybe instead of being here, id be with y/n on some romantic getaway. maybe you wouldve given me the courage to do what i shouldve done sooner."

robin doesnt say anything. she turns her face away, presses her cheek against the concrete surface.

"robin?"

she swallows. "yeah. yeah, maybe. you wouldnt have been stuck slinging ice cream with me like some smuck."

steve shakes his head. hes worried hes said the wrong thing. "hey, dont get me wrong. i enjoyed being your smuck. it was fun while it lasted."

bittersweetness creeps upon robins face. she smiles, though its a sad one. shes going to die with the understanding of why youve fallen so hard for steve harrington. "yeah. it was."

then the doors burst open and the russian find them.

[explosionshark]

hyped that you're writing again!

Fuffy (Faith/Buffy) + scrape, rain, dame

(maybe a noir vibe?)

okay lmao i know you've been wanting this for a minute, I hope it satisfies

-

Faith's never seen rain like this, not in the entire time she's been in California. And she might be a recent transplant but she's not stupid — this is no regular summer storm. No, this has to be something else. Driving winds, great freezing wet gouts of water gushing from midnight black clouds, like God himself opened a vein. An arterial baptism for the City of Angels, a place so choked in sin that the blood of lamb wasn't cutting it anymore and the Father, despairing, had no choice but to offer his own.

That or Buffy was right and there's a powerful coven at work and they're running out of time to stop them.

Speaking of Buffy—

She's got her hand clamped tight— bruising tight— around Faith's wrist, heels that couldn't be worse for this weather for if they were trying splashing noisily through filthy puddles in the sidewalk as she ran ahead, tugging Faith along behind her.

“Come on, Faith, come on,” Buffy's saying and Faith wonders, dazedly, why she sounds so scared until she feels herself falter on the slippery pavement, shoots a hand out to steady herself on a glass storefront beside her and sees, even through the dark and dim, the bright red streak of blood her palms leave behind.

Oh, yeah. She's shot.

It's a struggle to tear her mind free of the gauzy haze that surrounds it, but when Faith's ears pick up the distant sound of a motor getting less distant by the second, she manages it.

“They're coming back around,” she wheezes, sure that her voice is too pained and weak for Buffy to hear over the weather.

But she does, judging by the quiet curse she lets out, the way she squeezes Faith's hand. “Okay, okay. I know a place. Hang on, okay? Just a little farther.”

Faith would be the first to admit, if anyone would bother to stop and ask her, that in her current circumstances she is probably not the person best qualified to judge her condition. She's biased, in her own way, and being down a few pints of blood is probably not helping. But she's a detective, or at least Buffy has asked her to play the part, so she can do what detectives seem to do in those dime novels she reads from time to time: look at the evidence, draw a conclusion.

Faith + shot + the goons in that old beater coming back around to take another shot at putting the chill on her and it all adds up to one thing: she doesn't have much of a choice about whether to trust Buffy or not or if she wants to keep running after her through all these dark, filthy allies. 

All her life, Faith has been sure that she'd kick off this way someday: running. Running a con, or from the cops or after some dame with a face too sweet and a mouth too pink and inviting for Faith’s own good. Faith knows enough to know she doesn't know exactly what kind of scheme she's let herself get drawn into, but she figures whatever it is, her chances are still better with Buffy than with those hoods and their irons.

So she goes.

And within a few minutes, Buffy is tugging her to a stop in front of a nondescript door in the alleyway of some big brick building Faith doesn't recognize, someplace downtown. Faith, no stranger to running for her life, is a little disappointed that she'd failed to memorize how they'd ended up here, but she figures she can afford to cut herself a little slack tonight, given the circumstances.

She sags, exhausted, knees shaking, against Buffy, no doubt getting blood all over that smart dove gray coat she'd shown up wearing, that Faith had, a few happier hours ago, fantasized about peeling off her. Ruined now, no doubt.

“Sorry,” Faith mumbles, or tries to, because what comes out of her mouth is more like “Shrrrgghh.”

“Shh, it's okay, hang on,” Buffy says, voice a little too frantic to be comforting. She pounds on the door again, again until she finally lets loose an aggrieved sigh and puts her shoulder through it. She makes it look effortless but Faith hears the wood splinter, sees the metal of the steel lock bend like putty.

Everything else happens in a blur. Buffy hauls her through the doorway, down a dark hall until a man… a green man? With little red horns? Intercepts them. He's wearing a plush royal blue smoking jacket and a look of perfect terror but he does as Buffy bids him and ushers them into a sparsely furnished room with a mattress on a metal frame and not much else.

Buffy settles Faith down on the bed, saying over her shoulder to the man, “Sorry about the blood. And your door.”

He waves her off and rushes back out of the room, returning moments later with what looks like a doctor's bag.

“Now, let's see the damage,” he says, sounding far too cheerful for a man peeling her bloodstained shirt up from her skin. “Sorry, darling,” he at least has the good grace to say. “I know this is terribly ungentlemanly of me, but please bear with me now.”

At this Buffy stumbles back knocking into a dresser and toppling a small mirror onto the floor, where it shatters into bits. As if we needed any more bad luck, Faith thinks.

Aloud, she says, “Where y’goin’?”

Buffy shakes her head, voice quavering. “I'm squeamish. I can't watch.”

And then trips her way out of the room, falling all over herself to leave.

“She'll be okay,” the man says, kindly, warm hands easing her back onto the bed. He produces a bottle, something home brewed but strong that he urges her to sip. “So will you. I'm Lorne, by the way. I promise you're in good hands.”

Faith doesn't doubt him. Life has seen fit to instill in Faith certain skills for survival, one of these being discerning quickly and with good accuracy how much a man with intent to touch her wants to cause pain. There's nothing in Lorne’s hands that reads malice or danger.

No, that thrum of simple minded fear, that prey animal feeling pulsing through Faith's body isn't because of Lorne at all.

It lingers as she watches the door Buffy disappeared from with all the intensity of a rabbit struck still in the brush, waiting for the hawk to pass.

To distract from the pain in her side as Lorne goes to work with his tweezers and alcohol and gauze, Faith recalls Buffy's face. They've had their moments in the weeks since Buffy approached her, asked for her help. Long hot glances and lingering touches, loaded silences and innuendo both. Nothing has come of it, but one of Faith’s other survival skills, honed over the years, has been learning how to tell when a broad wants what she has to offer. And she’s felt that want from Buffy, choked as it is by what Faith had assumed this whole time was an abundance of caution. Maybe she had a secret beau, maybe she’d been burned before, maybe she just didn’t think Faith was worth the risk. But Faith had felt the want in her, before. 

And that was nothing compared to the hunger she saw in Buffy tonight, when they’d finally stopped running and Lorne had exposed the sick oozing wound in her side and she had lurched forward, helpless as a drunk. Oh, she’d caught herself right away, pulled back, a little too far, but Faith had seen it. Had seen the way her mouth went slack before she tightened it to a pained grimace, had seen her nostrils flare, her hands shake, the way her pupils had gone big and black, like a gowed-up dope fiend.

Faith had seen. And so now, she thinks about it like a detective, lining up the evidence. How they always met at night, how Buffy had knocked that door in like it was nothing, the way she was able to lug Faith around like she was made of cotton and air.

By the time Lorne is finished, Faith is exhausted, and slips into a deep, dreamless sleep. She wakes up in the daylight, for Lorne to change her bandages.

“Buffy had to go home,” Lorne lies as easily as he stitches her up. “She’ll be back in the evening.”

They talk a little, before she falls back asleep. “Weren’t you green last night?” she asks.

“Guilty,” he says and explains.

“Demon was my second guess,” Faith says amicably, squinting and tilting her head to try to see past the glamour. No such luck, it's solid work. “First was that I was hallucinating from blood loss.”

She drinks some broth, has a few more nips of whisky, and falls back asleep.

It is indeed evening when Buffy comes back. She’s cleaned up, looking sober and genuinely concerned as she hovers in the doorway.

Faith wonders, for one terrifying moment, how much she still smells like blood. If she’s in danger from Buffy losing it.

Then she thinks, if all Buffy wanted out of her was a quick meal, she could have had it weeks ago. 

“You might as well come on in,” Faith offers, eventually, sick of the silent staring. “You’re lettin’ in a draft.”

Hesitantly, Buffy steps into the room. She shuts the door behind her and pauses until Faith gestures to the chair at her bedside.

Settling down, Buffy asks, “How are you feeling? Lorne says the wound looks good. He doesn’t think it’ll get infected.”

Faith shrugs, regretting it immediately but hoping the pain doesn’t show on her face. “S’alright. Basically a scrape.”

“The bullet went all the way through you and out the other side.”

“A deep scrape,” Faith amends. 

Buffy shakes her head and Faith, goddamn her, feels her breath catch in her throat, despite everything.

“Where you been?” Faith asks, trying to sound casual. “Catching up with the mugs that tried to give me lead poisoning?” 

“No. I couldn’t find any sign of them when I left here last night.” 

“Grabbing a bite?” Faith tries, watching carefully for—

Buffy freezes.

Faith waits.

“Yes,” Buffy answers slowly. “I had something to eat.”

“I could tell,” Faith says. “You look steadier than last night.”

She waits another beat while Buffy looks at the floor.

“So, who was he?” Faith asks.

There it is. Buffy’s gaze snaps up to meet hers. “The man who tried to shoot you? I told you I didn’t find any trace of him.”

“Not him.” Faith says, then, despite the pain, she leans forward, holding catching Buffy’s eye and holding it. “Who’d you eat?”

“I didn’t hurt anyone,” Buffy says in a rush. “On the square. I didn’t.”

“C’mon, drop the veil,” Faith says. “I know what you are. A vamp, in both senses of the word.”

“I didn’t hurt anyone,” Buffy insists.

Faith frowns. “So, what? Thralls? Heard about a guy back east who paid hookers for it. That your bag?”

“I… There’s this butcher shop—”

Faith rolls her eyes, “Don’t give me that—”

“I mean it!” Buffy practically shouts. “I don’t feed from humans. I swear.”

Faith wants to believe it. She wants it so badly she’s not sure she trusts the feeling. 

“If you don’t, you’re the first bloodsucker I’ve ever met who doesn’t hunt.” Faith says. “So, what’s different about you?”

“I have a soul.” Faith rolls her eyes and Buffy, affronted, cuts her off before she can speak. “I do. Look, it’s a long story and I’ll tell it to you later, but for right now I need you to trust me. This shouldn’t change anything about our deal. You keep helping me, I’ll pay you what you’re owed, and together we save this city from a whole heap of trouble.”

“You expect me to trust you?” Faiths asks, head aching, wound aching, heart aching, and a special new kind of exhausted she's never been before. She wishes she knew how to stop the way her heart still speeds up when Buffy looked at her just like this — big eyed and sincere. “After lying to me?”

“No.” Buffy reaches out, tentatively and lays her hand over Faith’s. “I expect you to trust me after saving your life last night.”

Warmth flows up Faith’s body, from her belly all the way to the roots of her hair. Just like that.

Dizzy over a dame, she thinks, exasperated. A vampire dame. Ain’t I the world’s biggest chump.

“You said it was a long story,” Faith says, finally. “You ending up with a soul…”

“Yes.”

“Well,” leaning back into bed, Faith is careful to let her hand continue to rest under Buffy’s grip. She jerks her chin down toward the patched wound in her side. “As you can see, I got nothing but time.”

Buffy waits a beat, then nods. “Okay. It all started with a man. His name was Angel…”

[calvogostoso]

I really love how you depicted the FrankenLudwig Au, It's actually so original, but it literally has me itching to know what's Ludwig relationship with the main cast, because I guess that it wouldn't be the same since well he's logically a living corpse, I would be guessing that some would adapt (Austria etc) and I just think For other it's would be weird or even scary, and I really wanna know

Thank you so much! And you're right!

(This is going to be a long one)

The first few days after Ludwig was introduced to the world were pretty chaotic.

In my interpretation of the Hetaliaverse, human representatives of nations are nothing new to the common people, and nations can identify other nations almost immediately after meeting them. For nations, recognizing the nature of other nations as nations is as obvious as saying an apple is a fruit (I hope that made sense lmao).

And this is a big reason why Ludwig causes so much horror. Because he was made in such an artificial and brutal way it's actively difficult for most people to wrap their heads around his existence at first, so he was often perceived as a dangerous, unpredictable monster, a crime against God, an unnatural creature etc. (it's pretty angsty and that made him bitter towards Gilbert for creating him in the first place).

I haven't thought about his relationship with every member of the cast in detail, he terrifies most nations (or at the very least causes distrust) but the way each one of them deals with that varies a lot, and with time most of them just got used to him and started treating him normally. Here's some examples:

Austria - Roderich and Erzsébet met Ludwig a few weeks prior to everyone else. He straight up FAINTED when he saw Ludwig for the first time and after he woke up he aggressively scolded Gilbert for hours. He perceived Ludwig as dangerous and didn't want to be too close to him at first, but otherwise treated him like he treats most people and slowly grew more sympathetic as they spent more time together.

Hungary - She has known Gilbert for a long time and had been noticing his change in demeanor for a while, so deep down she already had a feeling he was probably plotting something immensely stupid. She was very wary of Ludwig at first but quickly warmed up to him upon noticing just how confused and scared he was. She took an almost older sister-like role to him because she didn't really trust Gilbert to be a good caretaker.

France - Francis was flabbergasted and angry and made a point out of not hiding it. He felt threatened and personally attacked by Ludwig's presence so their relationship wasn't great at all. At the same time though, he was pretty intrigued and sometimes would approach Ludwig on purpose to try to know more about his "peculiar" nature.

England - Like Francis, Arthur also felt threatened and personally attacked by Ludwig but tried hiding it by treating him cordially (most of the time). He took a pretty competitive stance though and would make sarcastic and challenging remarks at every opportunity.

Russia - Ivan wasn't scared, but he nevertheless saw Ludwig as a potential threat, and one that could be crushed if necessary. On the outside though, he didn't show any visible negative reactions and was friendly at first, but similarly to Francis, he was very curious about Ludwig's nature and creation and would often make very direct and awkward questions, sometimes just to see Ludwig's or Gilbert's reactions.

America - Alfred screamed. He got spooked big time with Ludwig's appearance at first, then quickly feigned indifference to appear tougher. He wasn't yet at the peak of his hero complex but as he grew in overconfidence he also grew less and less scared of Ludwig and lowkey thought he was really cool. At one point he started comparing Ludwig to the Hulk.

North Italy - Feliciano was also really scared at first and he was really bad at hiding it. But because of the recent unification, Feli had a lot to do and a lot going on in his mind, and maybe that ultimately contributed to him eventually warming up and becoming attached to Ludwig. Despite the completely different circumstances, they had something in common and in a way, Ludwig seemed to fill up a spot in his life that had been empty for a while. As the tension faded, Ludwig also managed to loosen up around Feliciano and that played a huge part in making him feel more comfortable with himself as well.

These are the ones I thought about the most for now! Tho I would love to hear about other people's interpretations on how the characters I mentioned and didn't mention would act and what they'd think about Frankenludwig :D

Bonus entry:

Brazil - Luciano was really scared of Ludwig for a while, but was relieved he lived so far away and didn't have to deal with that most of the time. That fear eventually faded into just distrust and then faded altogether as he started to make an effort to befriend Ludwig. To Luciano, befriending people he perceives as tough and unapproachable is almost like a sport and although their personalities clash a lot, Ludwig was pretty open to it.

[urproblematicfav-ao3]

My favorite thing about my show lion au/atropa fic is the backstory meetcute for Charlie and Alastor, mostly lmao because it fucking looks like the set up for radioapple but it really isn't, it's actually the exact reason Alastor hates his ass

Anyway, lore au ramble tim because I wanna

So I find it unbelievably fascinating that in the pilot of hazbin hotel, Charlie recognizes Alastor immediately. Though I dont respect the series in any capacity, if we take into account her general bimboness and the fact that she literally doesn't know who Val is, the fact that she IMMEDIATELY knows its Alastor before he even speaks, means something to me.

(Gonna briefly mention murderkink and incest a few times but its more a vague implication and not graphic)

(Atropa au wise, Charlie does know all the Overlords and isn't that fucking stupid, because I actually like her and want her to be a person whao women are people? Holy shit-)

When Charlie was younger she literally had no access to the outside world of Hell. Her options were her parents(Lilith was extremely absent), the Goetia, the Sins(who all hate Lucifer and are either outright disgusted by Charlie's existence or just pity her too much to handle looking at her), or whatever upper society people Lucifer thinks are worthy.

Charlie, of course, did not like this. So for about 150 years, she just kinda, dealt with it because what the fuck else do abused children do but survive. And then, the 1940s happened and all of a sudden radio is the new cool medium. Lucifer allowed her to have a radio because he didn't really see human tech as particularly threatening, and it wasn't a direct way for her to talk to anyone or leave so like, whatever kept her quiet and obedient.

Alastor's radio show was her main way of interacting with and seeing Pride as a real place and not just some vague blob of failed artwork from her dad. Alastor was her main gateway to humanity and her developing love for Sinner's. She'd spent every night staying up to listen to him ramble about whatever dumb gossip was happening in Cannibal Town, or his plans for his show. And this was EARLY early Alastor. He wasn't an Overlord yet, and his broadcasts were still nothing more than some random guy hacking airwaves to yell and play music.

(When Alastor eventually graduated to live on the air murder and torture, Charlie immediately went from "omg yayyy new gossip this is so fun" to "walp guess I'm staying up till 5am masturbating to wet meat sounds and a guy giggling and calling the person choking on their own blood a good girl" lmao she has kinks)

Right as Alastor was getting his footing as a Overlord, but before he single handedly destroyed abbbbooouttt the dawn of humanity's worth of culture and government, there were these bullshit Overlord galas held by Lucifer. Rosie basically gave him her ticket to sneak him in so he could try and build some relationships, since he wasn't strong/popular enough to be invited himself.

Alastor doesn't particularly like Christianity and I think he was insanely disappointed to get to Christian god hell. He was at least hoping for a vague afterlife where everyones religion was right in some way. But Lucifer was the one thing he actually was very interested in and wanted to see. I mean, he's the downfall of humanity? He invented lying and treachery. Bitch tried to revolt against GOD?! He's the original anarchist. Alastor should love that.

Except, Lucifer is a boring, emotionally closed off recluse who despises Sinner's and has absolutely no interest in any of them.

The Overlord gala meet ups are just some bullshit from a couple hundred years ago when he was still at least trying to make Hell work, it was supposed to be his Eden after all.

So, when Alastor's approximately 15 years old(Hell years not counting his human life), he goes to this party and has his hopes and dreams of teaming up with the Devil to kill God dashed on the rocks. He however, does briefly meet the Antichrist who's just a weird little anxious ball who mostly stares at him before mumbling and running away.

Neither Charlie or Alastor are in stable enough points in their lives to have a relationship. Charlie is still very deep in her cult, and Alastor is barely hanging on to keep himself from going insane. He doesn't know how to control his new body or emotions, and she's about this close to fucking her dad to get him to actually care about her.

I think Alastor immediately forgets this interaction, and fully doesn't remember it by the time he "meets" Charlie again in 2019(yes we're doing the pilot release fuck the series)

Charlie eventually has her radio taken away, and she never gets a TV so she mostly moves on from Alastor and her little "teen" crush on him. Theres a tiny part of her that has a "omg its my childhood crush/hero, here to swoop in and save me and my hotel!!!" but that shit gets dashed on the rocks when he's just a giant cunt who's mean to her and helps with nothing lmao. Don't meet your hero's guys. Except to fuck them maybe.

Eventually Alastor's distain for Lucifer goes from "holy fuck I do not respect this man, why are you not like the cool fairy tales" to "oh you hurt charlie and I don't like that, not because I have any moral objections but because I'm a pervert and only I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HIT HER-" to "ah fuck I'm emotionally attached and NOW I have moral objectiobs. Also good god is this plot a lot darker than just creepy incest."

Anyway,

I wanna do a tiny prequel fic where "teen"(150) charlie and "teen"(15 hell years) alastor meet and have the most uncomfortable and weird interaction imaginable. If I ever actually write this au, it will fuck so hard y'all don't even know

[bb-bugspot]

The (My) NorthStar [Part 2]

(Idea thanks to @mas-away :3, I also lied because this ended up being 3 parts instead of one LMAO)

It was no longer that after that, days of being in the sea and not only having to try and avoid a monster that wanted to swallow him whole, plus fighting against Poseidon, did Odysseus reach his island.

What waited for him wasn’t a celebration but far worse, having to infiltrate his own castle and seeing the mistreat of his servants, his people, his son and wife? It was more than he could take, but he had learned to be patient, and quietly waited for the night where he would strike those who dared to insult and taint his home.

Hermes was made aware of the massacre days later, when he had a bit of free time from his duties, and also had been told about his dear uncle Poseidon coming back and staying at Apollo’s infirmary, after being stabbed a few times by his own trident by Odysseus hand.

The god was a bit worried about the mental toll it would take not only on Poseidon, but Odysseus too.

Sure, Poseidon was his uncle, but Odysseus was his great-grandson, his family instead of the family that he was part of thanks to Zeus. Him and Poseidon weren’t close either way, while him and Odysseus at least had managed to bond quite a lot even with the little time they’ve had together.

By the time a week passed, he made it his mission to finally visit him, the carved NorthStar hidden away in his satchel as he appeared in the castle, hoping to catch him alone or at least walking around the halls of his palace.

He wasn’t someone who dared to interrupt into rooms, at least not with mortals and less so that of his great-grandson, there were things he didn’t need to see nor think about, as funny as it could be.

He was invisible to the eye of the mortals that roamed around for the meantime, he came here for only one person after all, he didn’t need distractions. It took him a while to find him, and more when he saw that he had been talking with his son, Telemachus was it? The boy was the spitting image of his father, although maybe the hair and eye-color were a bit off, thanks to his mother, sweet Penelope, who was also there with them, looking at her husband with so much love.

Odysseus felt his presence, noticing by the way his smile widened and muttered something to his family.

Telemachus gaped at him, as if not believing his words before his mother was pulling him away with a knowing smile, giving her husband a nod before continuing her walk, their son complaining about wanting to stay too but staying quiet after a laugh from his mother and a pat on the back.

“I didn’t expect you to come visit me so soon, Hermes.” The mortal man called out. He looked better now, not amazing, but good; beard trimmed nicely, hair cut to shoulders length and it seemed he was gaining healthily more weight.

Hermes giggled, swopping down and resting his arm across his shoulders, making himself visible before that and grinning at Odysseus. “Yeah? Well, I guess I was already missing you.”

The mortal rolled his eyes good naturedly, shoving him off. “Shut up, don’t you want to hear what happened?” Hermes had to bite his tongue to not let out a laugh or say that he already knew, just nodding his head and smiling. “Sure, enlighten me.”

Odysseus went on a full rant about what had happened, not only about Charybdis and his fight with Poseidon, about hearing the voices of his mother, his closest friends and his comrades, but also about what went down on his castle the moment he arrived to Ithaca.

He had managed to disguise himself as a beggar, observing the way he was treated by his people, not only those who he managed to recognize, but new people too, children who had been born since the time he left and it made a hollow feeling grow in his heart that he had to fight off when noticing that they didn’t know him as he would like to be known.

No matter, he kept going on his re-telling of the events to the god.

Hermes was proud but also a little entertained, sure, he should be horrified by the last part where he killed 108 man who tried to court his wife, but honestly, what’s a little killing?

They had tried to steal his kingdom and also treated Odysseus wife as if she was nothing more than a pretty trophy, which was far from the truth in both their eyes; Telemachus had also been victim of being treated as if he was a kid who didn’t know anything, although after his travels, it seemed that the boy had grown up too.

The god hummed, looking delighted by the way the man’s eyes seemed to shine, the light reflecting on them, and it was the best sight that could have greeted him after only seeing gaunt cheeks and eyes devoid of light, the little hope in them having been tore apart and then be given back after his divine intervention.

“And- Oh. Is that what I think it is?” Odysseus asked when taking a look at the god’s cape, the carved star he had made sitting prettily on the front to keep the cape to keep it in place around his shoulders.

“Oh, this? Why, yes, it is! I figured I could make it into a nice brooch.” Hermes chirped, showing off proudly how he had carefully managed to make it a brooch without having to accidentally erase the words carved in the back of it, that would’ve really been horrible for him.

Odysseus scratched the back of his neck, looking away and then huffing, as if not really knowing what to say. It was a huge compliment, he was already happy that the god had liked it enough to keep it and share it around with his fellow kin, but to make it a brooch and wear it so proudly? Odysseus felt like he had won again in life.

“Thanks, I guess? I don’t know what to say.” That left Hermes howling in laughter, even if deep down, he also felt touched at his words.

“Don’t sweat it, Ody! What kind of gramps would I be if I didn’t keep such a nice gift? Made by your very own hands, even if you didn’t have to!” He laughed as he patted his head, grinning when the mortal just swatted his hand off with a playful frown.

“Besides, I think it was very sweet of you to write that. You really see me as your NorthStar, huh? Better look at the sky and think of me.” He snickered, flying up when Odysseus tried to punch him on the arm, his words making the tip of his ears burn red.

“Shut up!” He hissed, scowling at the god before a smile took over his face, rolling his eyes and continuing to talk with the god. There were many things that had happened, and he needed to share all of them.

[bragganhyl]

i saw someone post about how aloth doesn't actually love a romanced watcher and it upset me to the point i don't really enjoy their romance anymore. i know that's so silly but he was a comfort character and it was just an opinion but yeah. can you explain that he actually does, to try and get me out of this funk? you seem to understand his character very well.

Oh wow, this is... quite the ask. Let me just say this right out of the gate: I don't know if I could tell you anything that would work better than replaying the games and reminding yourself why he was a comfort character to you in the first place. Also I haven't seen the post so I can't exactly refute what was said there but... yeah this is kind of a baffling take to have to me at least.

The thing about Aloth's romance is that it's treated not so much as a route but more like a potential end point for the Watcher/Aloth dynamic that started as early as pillars 1. So if you try to view their story from the vantage point of the romance alone then you might find it - and him lacking.

But anyway here is a long ramble about Aloth and the Watcher that kind of aims to recap/break down their relationship that also won't tell you anything new and low-key goes into cringe territory haha lol bye but okay here you go

Aloth, however, is far more complex character than to try and understand him from that perspective. He is a character who strives for perfection bc any flaw was punished severely and painfully. He is a character who prioritizes duty and devotion above all else bc that is how arcane knights are taught to think (this is a call to read Until He Started Screaming lmao). He is a character whose name belonged to the gods, his hand to their service, who sought the company of shadows so that his labors may remain secret and whose purpose you'll know by the confession of his tongue, the deeds of his hands, and the oath of his soul, bc that's what's expected of the members of the Leaden Key. And that doesn't even touch on the secrecy he had to upkeep for 50 years in order to hide his Awakening.

So it's safe to say that by the time you meet Aloth in Gilded Vale, he is not someone who thinks he can have anything for himself or someone who has the freedom to choose to live openly and for himself. And yet in pillars 1 at every turn, he'll choose the Watcher. He takes steps out of his comfort zone when he opens up about Iselmyr. He's ready to fight the Leaden Key to keep them (and Kana) safe. And even when he finally admits that he hoped the Watcher would cure him of his Awakening, he takes it upon himself to sort it out by himself instead. By the Watcher's side, Aloth develops his own sense of autonomy. You could even say that the Watcher was the light to lead him out of the shadows. But Aloth is also someone who recognizes the dangers of making one such person an anchor. He says so himself in deadfire when he talks about why he left (I mean aside from going to hunt the LK) at the end of pillars 1 - he couldn't allow the Watcher to become another authority figure to him like Thaos or his father was. He needed time away to figure out what life he wanted to have or what he wanted to do with the freedom he found with the Watcher.

But he still dedicates his life to the LK (although he hunts them now or at least he does in the route I prefer to take), he still lives an isolated and secretive life - until he meets the Watcher again. And then he chooses the Watcher again. And much of the deadfire dynamic between Aloth and the Watcher points to Aloth treating the Watcher as a role model and being blinded to their struggles by their own admiration for them. But like... that gets resolved at Ukaizo: the end of that arc is Aloth realizing the sheer magnitude of what is expected of the Watcher and he pities them for it. Sure, I personally would have liked it if that point was reached earlier, but it's a sensible character flaw to give him at this point, especially considering all that they've been through. And the romance itself is pretty low-key and short which makes sense after all that Aloth has been through. Bc just take note of how he reacts to the Watcher kissing him - he holds them as if he was worried he'd break them. That is not someone who wants to keep his distance bc he doesn't love their partner, but someone who really doesn't want to mess things up with them. And he warns the Watcher that he might not be 100% open with them, that he won't be able to give them 100% of their time. And you might think that he's unreasonable to treat simple boundaries as deal breakers, but remember that this was what was expected of him for the majority of his life. Duty and devotion. His name belonged to the gods, his hands to their service. A part of him expected a demand to give all of himself when he was still learning how to be his own man - and when he was still duty-bound to hunt (or lead) the LK. That is what he means when he says that he can't make a commitment he can't honor and that is why it is such a relief to him when the Watcher offers to take every day for what it is. He wants a relationship that is happy and healthy but he recognizes that while he has healed somewhat, he still has a long way to go, and he's worried he might not be able to make such a relationship happen - especially with the person who gave him a sense of belonging that his family never could *cough*wealthyaunt*cough*.

And even in the ending where he leaves, you get the sense that he's doing it out of - you guessed it - duty and devotion. Duty, well that's a given. Devotion... I mean what better way to show your love than fighting for the world that your beloved wants to create? And as for the ending where he stays... well... once again, he finds himself to do whatever he wants and he chooses to stay with the Watcher even as they become the one rebuild the world after Eothas kickstarted the apocalypse. So yeah, idk what else I could say, Anon, as far as I'm concerned, Aloth is filled to the brim with love for the Watcher, but he's also someone who is too self-aware and nervous to really wear that love on his sleeve, but you can be sure that it's there and it's unwavering.

[oddeyes588]

Uh oh it's a little late but guess who's posting about Oshi no Ko again, courtesy of chapter 147~

I have no goddamn clue what Aka is cooking.

As if ANYBODY knows what Aka is cooking LMAO. At this point we're all just here going along for the ride, regardless of where it ends up. At the very least, I'm stubbornly keeping my faith in him... and also theorycrafting. That's what this post is. Buckle up, folks. Spoilers below... here are my thoughts and speculations on the latest chapter.

In any case, starting with the first part of the chapter, featuring Kamiki. Honestly? I kind of doubt that Ruby didn't recognize him. It's not even a case of anime sameface, if Akane could recognize the uncanny resemblance, then so should Ruby... especially considering her current feelings for Aqua (lmao).

Which does beg the question... being that if she DID recognize him and her romantic feelings for Gorou haven't dumbed her down (which is the worst case scenario), why would she talk with him like this? Well, it's made clear by Ruby herself... she isn't sure.

Thanks to Aqua, she's abandoned the path of revenge, entrusting it all to him (without knowing just how badly he's doing mentally as a result). She's "poured out" her hatred so that she can move on, so that she can pursue the dream she's held in her heart throughout both her past life and her current life. To be an idol, to shine even brighter than Ai, one of the "stars" that kept her going when she was Sarina.

She's also learned, through acting for this movie, the unfortunate truth that nothing in this world is as simple as black and white. Hikaru Kamiki, her father, the one who killed Ai... he was never as simple as a malicious and unforgivable villain. He's a boy who has gone through severe hardships that sent him down the path to being the broken individual he is today.

But that doesn't mean she can forgive him. No matter where he came from or why he did it, the fact remains that he took Ai from them. She wants to pour out her hate, but that feeling stubbornly remains. Thus, she's at a dilemma. Is it right for her to continue hating him? Can she really move on if she does?

I think that's why she talks to him, why she tells him all this, while acting like he's just a stranger. In interacting with him directly, she hopes to receive an answer on what to do. (God I will pop the hell off if I actually got this right. Give me this, Aka. Tell me I'm just as batshit crazy as you are.)

Now, obviously I can hear the cries about how that really isn't the smartest play. I mean, come on girl, you are dealing with a literal murderer. There is not a single instant during this interaction where she isn't in very real danger... but impulsiveness is one of Ruby's defining traits. I think we need to stop expecting her to do the logical thing. She was in broad daylight, so she must've figured he wouldn't have killed her THERE... but it's hard to tell at this point.

She took her opportunity to give voice to her thoughts to the very subject of her hatred, but revenge isn't her goal anymore. Aqua brought her off of that path, even if she doesn't realize the consequences of leaving it all to him. In any case, those are my thoughts on Ruby.

Now, for Hikaru...

God he's so fucked up. God it's so interesting to me that his star turned white in that moment.

It couldn't be clearer where Hikaru's insane fucking headspace is at. He kills those with potential, those who shine the brightest, because by depriving the world of that light he can feel the "weight" of his own. Fucked up! Truly, not a single person in this family is okay.

But again, it's interesting to me that his star was white in this moment. We see him approaching Ruby as if to push her down the stairs, but it makes me wonder if he really was going to kill her. If he was going to kill her, wouldn't his star be black? The stars mean a lot of things symbolically, but murderous intent seems to be a theme with the black stars...

...or maybe he's just so fucked up that killing is, for him, what gives him those white stars. If feeling the weight of his life after killing is what he lives for, then maybe that's what gives him that light, even if only briefly.

For the moment, it's all speculation. Akane comes in with the save and gets Ruby away from him before anything can happen... and honestly, I gotta wonder what Akane's place is in all of this.

As we know, Akane is trying to put a "stop" to Aqua's revenge. What this means exactly is up in the air... since I doubt she's here to make it so Hikaru gets away scot free. She was willing to kill him herself for Aqua, after all, and hell... it seems like even Hikaru is willing to accept Aqua's revenge.

So it begs the question as to what "stopping" Aqua means in this regard. Is she just trying to stop him from "killing" Kamiki? Is she still planning to kill him herself to take that away from Aqua? What is my girl cooking?? Aqua's mental state aside I don't think you should want to help this guy, Akane.

But back to Hikaru... or actually, more specifically, the ending of the movie arc.

Yeah we sure did rush through this, didn't we? But honestly... I'm actually not complaining, but not because I didn't like this arc.

Because I think it makes sense that we've rushed through all of this. Because in the end, though this movie is possibly at least 90% accurate according to Akane... I think there's much more to this than what's been written in the script. What we've seen of Ai and Hikaru was all written as a story... and that's it.

We don't know how much of it is true.

I think that's why we've brushed past everything so quickly. Stuff like all the scenes we didn't see, Ai's rejection, etc etc... I think those were skipped because Aka isn't going to show us that through the context of a movie where we can't tell how much of it is really true.

I think we're leading up to seeing the details of Ai and Hikaru's relationship through Hikaru's own eyes, and that's why we've skipped so much.

...alternatively, the next chapters will include the parts of the movie we've missed out on seeing, but I think my idea is better, actually—

In any case, those are my thoughts. If it turns out that I got ANY of this even slightly right, I'm going to be reblogging this to hell and back. Let me into your headspace, Aka Akasaka.

[namisweatheria]

Hmmm since I wouldn’t want as many characters in the Doffy Family because they’re annoying and pointless as fuck INSTEAD they could make up some of the empty space in Punk Hazard by having Reiju’s early arrival!!!!!! Obviously she and Sanji wouldn’t meet and she wouldn’t be recognized except by us retroactively, and it would be great and make sense for three reasons.

1) More Reiju is a boon by itself, seeing how she acts when not being directly supervised by her family would be fascinating

2) REISHIGI REAL. Tashigi does not shine in Punk Hazard and I just think I could fix that while also making room for lesbianism.

3) It makes sense she’d be discreetly scouting out powerful technology made by her father’s rivals

Maybe she would employ the Stealth Black suit that Sanji never used…. That’d be great for less sexist character design reasons and for her mission. Plus then maybe Law wouldn’t recognize her and Freak Out. And instead he’d be like “Wait is that… No it couldn’t be…. Such a celebrity wouldn’t be here in my suicidal revenge plan lab explosion….” Which is funny.

OH MY GOD SHE WOULD HAVE REALLY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT CHILDREN BEING SCIENTIFICALLY EXPERIMENTED ON. Oh my god if she sees baby Sanji in them…. The way we’d only realize the meaning of it all Later.

Wait lmao this would really make Tashigi the babygirl of the arc since not just one but TWO powerful passionate lesbians would entrust the care of the freed children to her and her big brown eyes in a tearful heartfelt moment.

Not that Reiju would ever wear her heart on her sleeve like that. But… IT WOULD be a pretty jarring and Upsetting difference if we got to see her do at least a little open emoting and compassion and making some kind choices when she’s alone and far far away from her family versus when we meet her properly in Whole Cake and she’s this like. Very Cold and Untouchable Mercenary. THE TRAGEDYYYY. Oh Reiju I will save you…..

I don’t know I just don’t understand the point of the Zoro and Tashigi dynamic overall or their fight together against Mona in Punk Hazard. I mean I get that he’s mad at her for looking like Kuina but not being as strong as Kuina would have been if she’d lived. But if he’s not going to Personally like, be the one who believes in her or gives her some avenue of getting stronger than like. What are we doing here. Not that I’d like that anyways since the whole thing is about Sexism and it’d be at least somewhat unavoidably shitty and patronizing if we DID do that. But at least I’d understand what’s going on.

I don’t know Tashigi is just such a sad character to me. Constantly sidelined and yelled at and never a hope of making it alongside the biggest and strongest. She’s a sword nerd who wants to keep legendary swords out of the hands of evil people but she’s not strong enough to take them herself. She’s clumsy and easily misled but she tries anyways. She has a very rigid and unforgiving morality as a loyal member of The Navy. I just don’t know how she really fits into everything, it mostly seems like she doesn’t and suffers for it.

WHICH IS REALLY REMINISCENT OF MANY FEMALE SHOUNEN CHARACTERS IN A WAY I DEEPLY DEEPLY LOATHE. ANCIENT WOUNDS.

I don’t know I think her whole thing needs to be divorced from Zoro and Kuina more completely and given an entirely alternate avenue of importance because THIS ONE IS NOT TAKING HER ANYWHERE.

I’m just not sure how to go about that. Outside of Reishigi thoughts but she needs to be a strong character on her own.

Hmmm maybe if returning the children to their parents created a great awareness of The Navy’s mistakes and a habit of trying to fix them. WAIT THAT ALREADY IS KIND OF NEBULOUSLY IMPLIED ISN’T IT? BY HER JOINING SWORD? But she’s not even importanttttttt in Sword it’s all Koby this Garp that. Look there goes Helmeppo. BUT WHAT ABOUT MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[firecrackerhh]

I swear to God dude people only like Stella purely out of spite for Stolas and nothing else, at least someone is well aware she isn’t a good fucking person instead of some people who are just fucking delusional enough to think she’s actually a good fucking person.

Like I don’t know why so many Stella defenders are legit delusional enough to think “no she’s a good person guys Viv just can’t write good female characters!!!” Like ok my dude, hope you’re having a good time in fucking la la land.

…

Look, no one, and I mean, no one. Deserves the fucking wrath of Kiwifarm users. Those people are full on fucking stalkers and creeps who get some sick thrill out of talking shit about people who at best are cringe and at worst, even if they certainly aren’t good people themselves, stalking them and harassing them to the extent those people do doesn’t actually do Jack fucking shit and constantly talking shit about others is just as sad and pathetic as the people they talk shit about.

But! Same with 4Chan, if you seriously go to those places for info on hazbin, or vivziepop, or anyone fucking else, of fucking course you are going to find the scummiest fucking people! Maybe, just maybe, if you actually wanted decent information on the various bullshit that Viv is constantly getting herself involved in, you don’t go to a place known for cyberstalkings harassment, racism and transphobia? Just a fucking thought?

Like I’m not gonna say I’ve never gone to Kiwifarms before out of pure curiosity but I sure af never actually interacted with those fucking basement dwelling fucks, cuz I actually respect my fucking mental health, they make threads on their own users! They have no loyalty to each other! Why tf would they be nice to you when you obviously have mental weaknesses they have no care if they exploit?

You for all intents and purposes went to a site run by fucking psychopaths and your first fucking thought after the whole debacle is “This fandom is terrible, this is totally Viv’s fault somehow?!” Bitch do you think they like her either? I’ve been on the vivziepop thread out of burning curiosity, trust me, they don’t! They don’t fucking like anyone! I don’t think those people like themselves dude! That’s why they talk shit about other people! Because they so desperately want to feel better about their own shitty meaningless lives!

Like I’m sorry this whole thing is giving me “I blame vivziepop for literally everything wrong in my life ever, nothing is ever my own fucking fault!” Vibes. I bet every morning when they wake up their first thought is some kind of “I’m glad vivziepop didn’t kill me in my sleep!” Or some wack shit like that, Viv is this bitch’s boogeyman I swear to God.

I get that they clearly didn’t understand as a dumb kid the extent of Kiwifarm’s shittiness, I get that, but with how chronically online this bitch is nowadays (chronically online is not merely an online-all-the-time thing, it’s a state of mind imo) I would think they would recognize that the people there are wretched, and that isn’t Viv’s fucking fault? And maybe they should’ve just given up on this fucking moral crusade the second it started actually affecting their mental health to the fucking extent it did? Like Jesus Christ what the fuck are they getting out of this beyond some masochistic fucking thrill? Because it’s beyond obvious all this bullshit amounted to nothing.

Like I’m sorry if that sounds extremely inappropriate to insinuate against somebody online but good fucking God what other reasons could there be for why this bitch is constantly going on about Viv even when it’s beyond fucking obvious their whining and obsessive compulsion does nothing but make their own life worse?

I’m sure some people who read my posts on the daily are probably thinking “Yknow, you could say that about yourself?” Yeah I know, that just means I know wtf I’m talking about LMAO!

At least I’m brutally honest that I enjoy getting pissed off (my life is so fucking boring y’all don’t understand) and it’s definitely better than feeling fucking nothing.

At least I actively fucking enjoy something in my shitty life, even if it is just a fucking cartoon, I’m convinced this bitch doesn’t actually like anything, all I ever see this bitch do is whine and complain.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

11, 13, 19, and 28 for the tav asks! No rush on answering if your brain is mushy 🥰

I got this ask like almost exactly 2 months ago and my brain is mushy but I do want to talk about Majexatli but I also don't remember if I've answered some of these lmao.

11: Weapon of choice?

Technically their weapon of choice is whatever claws/teeth they can get in wildshape.

Outside of wildshape, though, they tend to commonly use a quarterstaff. Interestingly enough, though, of the weapons they use they are the least used to using a quarterstaff at the begninning of the game. They learned how to use one during their druid training, but after leaving their circle, they really didn't use that skill as much and never fought in melee unless they were in wildshape. But both to keep up apperances and appear to be a druid and because they're facing far more melee combat than they're used to, they start using one again after the Nautiloid.

Their other weapons they use are a longbow (fairly straight forward, given they don't like being in melee while humanoid, a longbow allows for fighting at range + good for hunting and stealth), and dagger.

While the dagger might seem a strange choice if they don't like melee combat, they use it for many reasons. One being that they don't want to be defenseless if they're forced into close-quarters combat, another is that daggers can be used for non-combat purposes, and there's also that daggers are easily concealed and do allow for a more personal, intimate, divine killing when needed. The downside to the dagger is that they always have at least one on them and more nearby, but they're also a bit jumpy and hyper-vigilant and dealing with the effects of worshipping a god of hunting and bloodlust, so it means it's not uncommon for them to almost use a dagger on their allies.

Also with daggers, I read a thing that Malarites keep a minimum of 3 daggers on their person which is fun.

13: What are their thoughts on killing? Is it a necessary evil or do they enjoy it?

I think I might have answered smth along these lines, but a very key part of Majexatli's character is their conflict over killing. Because they want to not enjoy it, and they are a genuinely kind and caring person who hates needless cruelty or torture. Where possible, especially early game, they try to avoid combat whenever possible let alone killing people.

But, they do enjoy it. Not callously, they see the sacredness of spilling blood, they often feel there is some divine act in killing. And it frightens them a great deal. Majexatli doesn't fear that like, they'll become evil or heartless. Their killing is almost always for survival or defense, they believe in a better and more hopeful future and know that such a thing can't come about peacefully, and they recognize that death and life are inextricable.

The reason they're concerned is in part just, what was instilled in them. The druid circle they once called home was centered around Silvanus and maintaining the balance, but with a rather extreme interpretation of it. And while it's been so long since they were a part of that circle, being taught those things when they were vulnerable has led to certain things being internalized and they struggle to escape the internal critic in their head that holds all the beliefs of their old circle.

All in all, Majexatli is a kind person who would prefer to not jump to killing, but they also are someone who doesn't necessarily see killing as evil, especially when it's part of their worship. And they can't help but be conflicted over the fact that they don't hate killing.

19: How do you think they'll meet their end?

I mean technically they already have at least once. They were killed by an owlbear when they were 19, and while revived, they don't see themselves as having survived in any meaningful way. Majexatli is already a ghost, perhaps more than once over.

What is Baldur’s Gate, really? So many at camp walks forward in homecoming, as though the city a person who’s warm embrace is synonymous with home. I alone walk knowing I am approaching corpse. It has been 30 years, by my count, since I last saw this place. By the time I left, the Baldurian child I was had already died, now they have long since decayed. The runaway child died too, as did the shy teenage druid, and the young adult with a home and a family. I am 4 lifetimes removed from this place. I am not returning home, this is not my birthplace, this is the place that signed my death certificate before I even left the womb, this is the the birthplace of the first domino that fell and lead to every nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.

I think that they're likely to keep dying, in both literal and metaphorical ways. A living (and dead) Ship of Theseus, where they come back a little bit more wrong each time until they are worlds apart from who they were. And maybe one day they will realize that they're not cursed, but that the nature of life and time is that we all carry with us and are the amalgamation of all the ghosts of who we previously were. And they will perhaps one day realize that the weight in their chest is just their heart, the heaviness of their shoulders is just gravity, the ghosts they see are just memories.

For better or for worse, I think if/when Majexatli meets their end, it will be quiet and mundane, and even as they aren't killed in some blaze of glory or grand tragedy or noble sacrifice they'll realize they will be mourned and missed and loved.

28: Is your character the de facto leader of the party? Or do they consider someone else to be the leader?

This one I do remember I answered, here!

The short version, is they're comfortable taking the role of leader if no one else steps up, but they generally prefer for decisions to be made as a group and allow for others to take charge at times. The others see them as the leader most of the time, and they're fine with that and despite everything they aren't bad at it.

[samuelroukin]

omg wait-!

well first of all hi 👋 hello and also i'm sorry in advance all of this ⬇️ 😬

but what i came to say was mannn the march of time rly is inexorable sjdjjdkdkf bc i didnt even get a chance to follow up and give you the update re: the highly impressive and exemplary display of restraint and self control I demonstrated by being patient and waiting to read wednesday's surprise chapter until I got home from work like u said (by the way of course as you already know you were.. um. FIRMLY correct about that call...) and now its already FRIDAY and now the NEXT PART IS ALREADY OUT and i dont even have TIME rn to be as effusive and horny about the last one as i want to, and it deserves 🥲🥲 BUT! theres a distinct possibility unfortunately that I might forget to come back and do it full justice --or at least, might fail to think about it again until after I've already read today's chapter-- and i gotta at least take the opportunity to exorcise ONE question from my brain since it's probably already been answered in the latest update and that means if I'm right it'll be too late to get my attaboys and flagrant self-congratulation in by the time I'm caught up so its now or never!

so this will just be about part 15 and also somehow I dont think I even saw a single commenter mention it? or at least not out of the ones there so far at the time, which maybe if I was smart I would take to mean i'm just.. more than likely wrongshdhfhjf . but! am I crazy? Or did Ghost literally JUST pack extra of his own clothes specifically for Soap to wear 👀 for absolutely no logical reason besides the utterly irrational hope that at some point Soap might spontaneously decide to opt out of wearing his own unprovoked 🙄 so Ghost could get to have the satisfaction of watching Johnny continue to walk around wearing his instead. Right? Didn't he do that? 🤔

So shouldnt that mean.. after ghost used johnny's face like a fuckingnsndkdkf fleshlight (🕳️ 🥴) and then turned a perfectly good shirt into his personal cumrag ... and after johnny ruined his own sleep sweats.. (twice! ✌🏻) (christ) (AND once was literally-- no WAIT 😳i already said i dont have time to get into the play-by-play I gotta lock in rn. theres always later ahhshdjfkf FUCK i need to focus. FOCUS okay okay its fine 🤫🤐😠😖😫😤🧘....)

ANYWAY after allathat in the aftermath where i'm sure i cant be the only over-invested softhearted lovesick bitch baby who was sat there reading CLENCHED, TENSE AS FUCK like. doing a violet beauregard going full blueberry from accidentally forgetting to breathe out of sheer suspense and trepidation anticipating that at any moment the next line might be the one where the god damn. fuckass pair of them are gonna both reach elbow-fucking-deep up their respective assholes just to fumble around for another fuckass excuse to get out of aftercare they BOTH NEED😡 .. god.

.... so you know. obviously I let out the LOUDEST sappiest saddest most conflicted and celebratory and heartbroken sigh of relief when they finally broke and couldn't resist the need to go collect the cuddles they've been (🧼: literally!) gagging for.... Now, right, okay so at THAT POINT right there here's where I have a problem. Simon Riley, I think you....... are sus. 🤨🤨 dare i say, i think u are a devious and scheming conniving liar! 🫢🫢🫢 i think youre a sneaky little shit with too much of a massive, swollen throbbing sexy and exquisitely wrinkly brain not to recognize that ~tactical omission~ is still lyingggggg~~~! lmao

--Now. before i dig myself a hole and make myself TOO comfortable in it, let me just say it is MUCH funnier to imagine all of this is either a plothole or otherwise totally explainable in the real actual narrative sjjdjfkskskks or WORSE now that I'm thinking about it actually maybe i straight up misread the packing sequence because I got, predictably, too fucking excited and moved my idiot eyes too fast over the words for my idiot brain to keep up. hang on actually that sounds frighteningly plausible. uh oh.. bc what if ghost was only contemplating packing another change of clothes and then ultimately decided against it? on account of how fucking dumb it would have been? Ah fuck, I rly hope not bc then i'm about to look so fucking stupid. . . well, shit. now i need to go check and make sure it actually happened. k, please hold ☝️

....

nevermind i'm not crazy i'm RIGHT and we're so back all right okay thank christ

ANYWAY as a sneaky shit-stirring conniving little slut myself it takes one to know one and I am choosing to stand in my Libra authority right now and accuse that Taurus man of WITHOLDING INFORMATION for PERSONAL GAIN 🫵⚖️ (theres no gavel emoji? pls substitute w ur imagination 🙏🏻 okthx) because i dont believe for a single second there was enough bourbon between them to blame for ghost "forgetting" about the extra clothes he brought. (and he did! i checked 😌 LOL) right? not with how pathetically BADLY he's jonesing to see soap walking around again with "S. RILEY" emblazoned over his back like he belongs to ghost, are you fucking kidding? so nah i dont buy it

I think that crafty sonofabitch looked down at the ground at those two sleeping bags. and back up to gaze for a moment into the BEAUTIFUL BIG BLUE EYES of fhe love(!) of his miserable little sorry ass life.... then back down at the sleeping bags. and that scheming lovesick bastard understood in his ~heart of hearts~ that the excuse to share was already stretched as THIN as my fucking sanity. so he made a deliberate decision to keep his fucking mouth shut about the extra clothes he definitely(☝️!) brought. intended outcome: increase probability that Johnny might be plausibly cold enough to agree to snuggle !!! 🧑‍⚖️ and thats my god damn verdict. as for the detail about johnny by extension participating in that snuggle with his pussy out in nothing but his socks... i'm undecided leaning towards a generously wholesome interpretation I think I'm choosing to believe his first priority was 1) Hold him close and 1.5) the means by which to accomplish this goal, so this time I'll give him the benefit of assuming that the fact that those means turned out to be "ghost withholding the option of getting dressed" was probably ? secondary ? to the main intention, and the fact that his choice of how to go about constructing a plausibly deniable excuse for snugs turned out to necessitate they also be *nekkid* snugs was not exactly intended, if not strictly unwelcome. but he's on thin fucking ice! lmao

still! jesus christ there isnt an emoji on this earth plaintive and pathetic enough to capture how fucking devastating and also MANIPULATIVE that would be if it was true. idk wheres that cat chewing on electrical cables meme

Anyway exercising my god given rights as judge jury and executioner, I WOULD sentence Mr Riley to an enternal undisclosed torment as suits my every whim or whatever as punishment if I didnt feel ... well. regrettably, viscerally sympathetic to his plight and also not particularly trust him not to just immediately go right back to making plans to 📴 himself and wind up getting out of serving his full sentence in the process 🙄. so i guess we'll just have to put it down to time served 🤷🏻‍♀️ god knows he'll punish himself over this enough later without my help. I'll be impressed if stewing in his own guilt hasnt driven him to contemplate throttling himself with his own dogtags already at least a couple times over by oh five hundred or whatever i am not educated enough about military jargon to pull off this joke shdhjfjfjg but u get the idea ALL RIGHT OKAY ITS OUT OF MY SYSTEM AND I ABSOLUTELY MUST GO ALL RIGHT I SAID MY PIECE IM LEAVINGDJJDJFslkjdjf this still got so god damn long even though I left so much out 😭😭 there ARE other things i should really be dedicating the brainpower toward please lorddd have pity i dont have the built-in dedicated ram upstairs to spare for all of this. god knows but hopefully tbis is enough for now to exorcise the demons plaguing me!! blease! may i be released from blorbo purgatory amen

....no hang on actually there's one last thing and usually it goes without saying but this time more than ever while I'm here talking about ch 15 specifically, I'm NOT willing to risk letting it go unsaid: absolutely *immaculate* job as always, boss 🫡🫡 🆗🆒🏃‍➡️

ljkhkjghshfshgfrts i'm so sorry but unless i'm missing something myself (just checked but also just woke up) he didn't pack any extra clothes. he did give soap those sweats, but not an extra pair except for the ones he's wearing himself, and he did give him a shirt to sleep in too, which soap didn't bc he was just gonna keep wearing the same one Until.. neither of them even thought about grabbing the clean one since the sweats got ruined and they were a little bit out of it lmao

so, bad writing + them not thinking, no manipulation on that front at least 😅 he packed clothes for himself, a shirt and sweats he gave to soap, and the booze, no second pair of clothes for soap since he was Not planning on any of that

but thank you and i'm sorry for ruining the theory </333

[jeweledstone]

More vaguely Pizza Tower related bullshit with everyone’s favorite yandere twink cunt bitch god I hate him

DATE: 10/31/2023 - 11/1/2023

Oh boy, it’s that time again folks! Time for some unhinged self-insert fan fiction-esque nonsense that’d make a wattpad user shudder in fear.

So basically, more shenanigans with Pizzahead/Totino from the hit indie game Pizza Tower and his attempts to kidnap me and turn me into Peppino cause the REAL Peppino doesn’t love him back or some shit like that. For the hopelessly confused, here’s a link to the previous dream post I made regarding this particular plot point. For everyone else, click the read more for the rest of this recounting :)

So, despite my hoping he’d just give up and start stalking someone else, ya boi is still being haunted in his dreams by the cartoon pizza man. RECENTLY he’s even gone as far as BREAKING INTO MY ACTUAL HOUSE to try and abduct me (in-dream of course, not in real life lmao)

One of his more recent appearances happened in a dream I had on Halloween night that was honestly, kinda Halloween themed outta sheer coincidence.

In it, me and my family were camping (a common theme/trope in my dreams for some reason) at this national park of sorts that was famous due to this massive cave it had in it that was EXTREMELY haunted. Like, it was very common for visitors to encounter at least one ghost (or phantom as they were called in-universe) while exploring said cave. My family was stopping to visit said cave before going home when The Bastard™ showed up. I remember he had on this sorta human disguise so my parents wouldn’t recognize him (cause again, mf tried to break into my house in previous dream). He somehow convinced them to let me go in the cave alone with him, claiming we were friends or some other bullshit, and that’s when the shit show truly began.

Now, first thing you need to know about this cave, is how massive it is. At its deepest, the cave went down to about 5000 meters (16404.2 feet for my fellow Americans) below the earth. Naturally, park guests weren’t allowed to go that deep in, you could only go about 10 meters (100 if you’re over 18) before there was some kinda blockade keeping you from going further. Aside from the obvious safety protocol stuff, another reason was because the deeper you went into the cave, the more ghosts you’d encounter, and the more aggressive said ghosts would be.

Either the ghosts or the cave itself also had these strange, reality-bending properties to it that would affect guests who stayed in the cave for a prolonged period of time. One way they liked to fuck with people was by transforming them in ways that often depended on said person’s most prominent personality trait (often causing said trait to be exaggerated as the person’s mental state changed along with thier body). Said changes were reversed once the person affected left the cave.

And…

Guess what happened to my anxiety filled ass when they got a hold of me!

Yep, back at it again with THIS BULLSHIT. Idk if this happened because of PH was there or what, but yeah. Now here I am, once again tf’d into Peppino against my will, trapped in a cave with someone who’s been obsessively stalking me for months now, and one wrong move away from a full blown panic attack. Said panic ended up happening when, at a really deep point in the cave, me and PH were cornered by some really large and threatening ghosts who were definitely planning on not letting us out of that cave alive.

I kinda-sorta blacked out around this part, but from what I could figure out, it was about then that Pep kinda… “took over” and beat the shit outta the ghosts (apparently killing a few some-fucking-how) before making a break outta the cave. I remember “waking up” outside the cave, having already changed back to normal.

After that…incident… life mostly went back to normal after my family went back home, save for some supernatural entities (which were commonplace in this verse) becoming afraid of me due to the whole killing an unkillable entity thing that happened in the cave.

So that’s basically it. I haven’t really seen much of PH since then, but I know he made it outta the cave and is still out there (unfortunately). So, yeah, that’s all folks. See ya.

[kafus]

i used to think that there was no way i could have did because the only versions of it that i ever saw getting talked about were the horror movie's "there's normal me and then there's EVIL me" version and the 13 year old's "i get to be the most valid kinnie even though i have no trauma and no other side effects" version, but after reading your posts about did i've been really questioning whether i may have a disorder similar to it. i've had so many symptoms that i explained away as just "bad memory" or "different sides of me" but it's gotten to the point where it's significantly impacting my life; hours or entire days will just go missing and i have to re-read my old messages to find out what i was doing before. i want to do more research into it but it's extremely hard to find good resources online, and proper medical papers are very difficult for me to parse no matter how many times i re-read them. do you know any good places to learn?

god yeah i've been there. it took a lot of encouragement from my GF at the time years ago to seek out medical help and get a DID diagnosis, after like years of denying it because i thought my trauma "wasn't severe enough" and thought that if i had DID i should be having that stereotypical horror movie presentation of the disorder. obviously i do not think this way anymore lol

i'm assuming from the way you've worded this message that seeking help from a medical professional isn't an option for you, though if it is, seeing a trauma or dissociation specialist would be my first recommendation for sure. on the other hand... Hmmm

if you really struggle with medical language/professional papers on the subject that knocks out a lot of the resources i DO like, and some of the more common ones like did-research.org are... flawed to say the least asfkfsdl (though still an OK baseline, if you're really starting from knowing nothing it's not a terrible resource, just be critical)

even though it isn't all about DID specifically, you may benefit from "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk. it's been a long time since i've read it but from what i remember it's a very good book about trauma and isn't overwhelmingly medical or hard to read. at the end of the day, whether or not you have DID specifically is less important than recognizing the concerning and difficult amnesia/trauma symptoms you're experiencing and trying to care for yourself, so i think a general trauma book like that could still be of use. (i probably shouldn't link it here but there are pretty easy ways to find this book online)

i'm pretty picky about resources so i'm trying to think of what else. here's a few other things i like sharing with people:

DID Myths and Misconceptions from Beauty After Bruises for dispelling a lot of common. well. myths and misconceptions lol. while mostly targeted towards onlookers and not people questioning it's still good to remember as someone questioning DID that you don't have to live up to these myths to be real

the Many Voices newsletter is a newsletter that ran from 1989-2012 for people with DID (or MPD as it was called when the newsletter began lmao). you can click the Newsletter button on the left to access all the entries. they're full of reader-submitted content and also discussion from medical professionals - even though some of it is outdated, it's a window into lived experience from people with DID before Social Media or even really the Internet and i personally find it incredibly validating + just interesting tbh

My experience of living with dissociative identity disorder: denial by Carolyn Spring is a good read for if you're suffering from denial yourself tbh.

anyway this is getting pretty long but i hope at least something here was useful HSDJFKSDF i'll leave off saying that regardless of what you have (i don't know you and it would be irresponsible to armchair diagnose you or something) that does sound Pretty Damn Concerning and if i were someone that knew you IRL i'd be concerned and trying to get you in to see someone about dissociative amnesia so i think your concerns are warranted and ur not crazy or something. Also wishing you well and things are going to be okay i promise <3