#hoping I'm not overextending myself

[homenecromancer]

Here's something I noticed tonight --

Before Paul fights Jamis, Jamis challenges him: "May thy knife chip and shatter!"

And after a pause, Paul responds with an Atreides salute.

Before Paul fights Feyd-Rautha, Paul challenges his opponent: "May thy knife chip and shatter!"

And after a pause, Feyd-Rautha responds by repeating the challenge back word-for-word.

This structure does not come from the book -- in the book, Paul does not respond to Jamis's challenge, but continues to silently study his opponent. But this is a change I enjoyed, since it neatly sets up Paul and Feyd-Rautha as foils while saying something about them as characters.

At the end of the first movie, Paul is a newcomer to the planet, being challenged by a person of that planet, and he answers this challenge in a way that reflects his familial background. (We see Duncan use this salute toward Paul earlier.)

At the end of the second movie, Feyd is in the role Paul was playing in this specific sequence: he's a newcomer, being challenged by a person who has been adopted by (and become of) the planet, and he answers the challenge in a way that reflects his background. By Feyd's standards, his tone is downright cordial (indicating his respect for a challenging opponent?), but just repeating Paul's words back at him tells Paul little about the person he's about to fight; rather than make an indication of his own personality or background, Feyd chooses to not give anything away, perhaps because he believes it would be used against him.

And using any possible edge they can get against an opponent is something that both Paul and Feyd-Rautha would do.

[chubbychiquita]

i have overextended myself with this foster cat thing, all 7 of them have the same gastrointestinal illness and are ruining my upholstery & carpets. i'm a little miserable, but will be okay i think.

for my birthday, i got a crossbow and a 4 foot tall tom nook piñata.

i hope you're all surviving the heat okay, and also just in general 🫂

[polyamzeal]

Hi. I saw you give advice before and I was hoping you could do the same for me. No pressure to though. Thank you for your blog by the way, I'm pretty new to this and it has been helping me a lot.

My partner and I opened our relationship up a few months ago and he started dating a friend he's known for a few years. I've met her before as his friend before they started dating, and also as sort of a branch of the friend group. But I would not call the two of us friends, just acquaintances.

I'm new to poly and I've done reading and research and I'm very aware of my position as the girlfriend who was part of the original couple. I've been trying my best to be a better person than I really am but I don't really know what to do. I want to make her comfortable and I want to make my partner happy but I feel like sometimes I end up overextended and hurt. But I don't know if thats just because I'm being selfish. I don't want to be controlling or demanding; I want to support their relationship. I just worry I'm not a good enough person to do so.

I will admit I have a lot of jealousy issues and insecurity issues, but I try not to bother my partner with it, and I refuse to even let my meta know about it. I always encourage my partner to spend time with her and not me whenever she's with us in a group setting (house parties, etc) because I live with my partner and we get to see each other any other time. I also avoid my partner and don't show affection to him when she is around because I don't want to make her uncomfortable by "staking a claim" or anything like that. So I end up ignoring him or pushing him away when he reaches out to hold my hand or hug me. He has told me he feels hurt by this but I've explained to him my reasoning.

The other day the three of us hung out. I was under the impression that she wanted to talk so I encouraged it but there was some miscommunication and it ended up turning out to just be a group hang out between me, my partner, and my meta. We went to grab lunch and he chose to sit with her instead of me and it hurt a little but it's literally something I would have told him to do so who am I to complain. But we didn't end up doing our usual ritual of sharing each others' food because I didn't want to make my meta uncomfortable and I didn't know how she would feel about cross contaminating spit because my food came last and they had already shared with each other. I felt kind of left out because I didn't get to do what I normally did with my partner while watching them do what I would normally do.

Afterwards we went to a bookstore to walk around but it was so crowded that moving as a group was pretty impossible so I split myself off from them. I was already feeling the third person on the sidewalk effect because I was the third person and I was feeling a bit lonely at this point. I figured it would be two birds one stone to just let them spend time together and I would get to nurse my hurt away from them by pretending I was going on an adventure by myself. At this point the idea of going out by myself sounded more appealing than hanging out as a group. And I continued to distance myself when we went to grab dessert. I saw her hugging and leaning her head against my partner's chest while we were waiting in line so I just physically turned away and determinedly scrolled my phone instead.

Long story short I felt like I was third wheeling their date but I don't know if it was because it was in my head: these were just friendly things they were doing in a friend group situation and I was reading too much into it. Or if it was because I was inflicting it upon myself: my policy of no affection and trying to make myself scarce when they could spend time together causing me to feel isolated. Or if it was because it really was the case that I was third wheeling them. Am I justified for being hurt here or am I just being jealous? This is a genuine question.

My partner's dream is to live in a big house with a group of friends. This would include me and my meta. This would also mean I would not show my partner affection unless we were in the privacy of our own room. Am I taking it too far? Would I be controlling or demanding to say I do not want my meta living with us? I don't want to be the "girlfriend that has veto power from the original relationship" I really don't. I want to support him but I think I would be miserable living in a house where I cannot be affectionate with my partner. Am I supposed to move out so they can live together instead?

I'm sorry for bothering you with all these questions. Again, no pressure to answer. I just don't know if I can do poly without having some sort of hierarchy where I am the primary of this relationship. I want to get married to my partner and that is a deal breaker for me. Does that make me bad at poly? I don't know what to do. I don't know if there's a resolution where everybody can be happy.

It sounds like there are a lot of assumptions being made here about the metamour. I would be very curious to know the metamour's experience with non-monogamy and just her overall thoughts on he relationship. She got into a relationship with your boyfriend knowing he already has a girlfriend. So unless if she is truly trying to cowgirl him and steal him away from you (it doesn't sound like she is) then I am sure she is making allowances too as to not step on your toes. So I think you have 2 options here.

1- You go full parallel polyamory. When he sees her, you don't see either of them. When you see him, she is not around. This style gets a bad reputation sometimes but it is a legit style that does work for some people and it might be what your needs want.

2- All three of you need to have an emotional conversation about what intimacy looks like when all together. Explain to your metamour that you want to be able to touch your boyfriend and not feel like you are trying to hurt her. That you want them to be cute with each other but sometimes it will make you a little jealous and how you can all cope with that. Definitely not saying you and your metamour need to be best friends that hang out together without your mutual partner but you are both on the same team so that will require a little more communication and just working together. That isn't going to happen if everybody is too scared to talk about jealousy or insecurities outloud.

One last thing. Don't be afraid to show your character faults, that is part of being in a relationship with someone. You should be telling your partner that you feel jealous or insecure. Do so when he is in a good headspace to talk about it and be clear that just because you are feeling those things that isn't a demand for him to change his behavior. Just let him know that it is happening and you are working through your feelings. It is very likely that you can both come up with fair compromises that keep everybody happy.

[a-lonely-dunedain]

'hey, I'm not your pillow,' for character(s) of choice? :D

oh gosh I forgot about this one! I think I'll do this with Ethedis&Tossdir bc I've been very mean to Ethe in my discord lately so she deserves some cuddles with her bestie <3

...........after I chuck her down a minor plinko offscreen. Look, listen, how else am I going to get that sweet sweet hurt/comfort? she's FINE everything is FINE this is FLUFF

--------

“I think this is supposed to go the other way around...” Tossdir says quietly, wiping the dried blood and dirt from a small cut on Ethedis’ cheek with a damp cloth. He’d already finished patching up her more serious wound, thankful that Ethedis was conscious enough to guide him through most of it, and now all that's left is to tend to some minor cuts and scrapes.

Ethedis scoffs weakly "You're hardly the only one here the Iron Crown wants dead."

"No, but between the two of us, running headlong into danger is usually my job," he flashes a halfhearted smile, but it fades quickly as he returns his focus to her bandages, readjusting the ones on her arm that he had hastily tied earlier "and you’re far better at this part than I am…"

"You’re doing fine, Pîn-Toss." Ethedis gently assured, though Tossdir knew well that 'fine' was hardly comparable to what someone trained under Lord Elrond was capable of. He felt clumsy and out of place with such delicate work, only made worse by his nerves at the fact that his friend's life was in his hands at the time. He hoped Ethedis hadn't noticed how much his hands shook earlier.

"You’re usually just so careful… I never expected you to…" He trails off, too preoccupied in his worry to be annoyed at the nickname 'little-shrub' she had given him. He couldn't help but still be shaken by what happened. She was fine one moment, launching storms of embers and lightning at their foes, and then the next she was collapsed on the ground with an orcish blade in her side. She was barely responsive when he finally fought his way to her, only fully coming back to her senses after he managed to drag her back to their camp. The wound was, thankfully, not as deep as he initially feared, but ideally she should not be wounded at all.

"I try to be, though I’m unaccustomed to fighting so frequently. I overextended myself and paid the price, a mistake I do not plan to make again." Though admittedly, she didn't plan to make it this time, either. Calling upon natural powers would be taxing anywhere, and doubly so in a place like Angmar, but she had not yet learned how to accurately sense when she was at her limit. Until recently, she was a stranger the necessity. "I'm lucky you were with me, to think of what might have happened if I was alone…"

"Don't-" Tossdir winces at the thought, looking away "don’t even talk about that. Please."

"All right, I won't. But thank you all for saving me all the same"

"Not as if I had a choice, you know Corunir would have killed me if I let something happen to you." he says half-jokingly.

Ethedis snorts an almost-laugh "He wouldn't."

"He might."

"I think he's far too gentle for that," she says with a weary smile. "But in any case, you said we should not speak of such grim things..." Her head nodded slightly, as if she was having trouble keeping upright.

"Right," he gives her bandages one last look over, making certain he hadn't missed anything. "It looks like I've done all I can for now," he says after some hesitation "you should try to get some rest, I don't want you scaring me like that again any time soon..."

Ethedis nods again, this time in agreement, but instead of laying on her bedroll she leans forward and rests her head on his shoulder, her face nestled in the warm wool of his scarf.

"Hey, I'm not your-" Tossdir halfheartedly protests, but the words die on his lips. He hesitates a moment before gingerly putting an arm around her "...Alright, fine." Ethedis says nothing in response, but wears a small contented smile.

He carefully adjusted to a more comfortable position, with his back against the cliff their camp was set under, keeping his cloak wrapped snugly around the two of them. Soon enough, it seemed that Ethedis had fallen into sound sleep, the corners of her lips still turned in a slight smile. Tossdir just breathed a quiet sigh of relief, at least her injury didn't seem to be bothering her much. Maybe he had done a better job tending it than he'd given himself credit for.

Tossdir didn't sleep much that night, instead dutifully keeping watch over his friend, although it was probably unnecessary as Ethedis' raven friends were already tasked with guarding the camp and waking them if anyone came near. Still, Tossdir felt better keeping watch himself, maybe he was unable to protect her earlier today, but at least like this, he felt as if he could.

And besides, he never really trusted those birds anyway.

[demxnicprxncess]

Hiii :)

I really like your writing and i wanted to ask if you could write an Evan peters x fem reader story, where you are Evans gf. You go to a birthday party and tease each other the whole night (maybe some specific movements or touching). You end up in the bathroom, but the whooole action ends up at home. I just had that idea and hoped you could make a good story out of it

THis request is perfect for Evans bday sorry its so late btw im going thru some things but here you go!

Taglist: @kitwalkersgfff, @ppawmpkin, @yes-divine-ruler, @quicksilversg1rl, @charsdunkie, @eddiemunsonsbitch69, @dahmevan, @sultrysullen dm me to be added or removed dears.

His Bday | Evan x Fem!Reader

Cw: angst?, smut but like its making love ig? idk. Happy birthday Evan!

A couple minutes after we got to the beautiful birthday party that the lovely Ms. Sarah Paulson had arranged for the beloved Evan Peters, my husband might I add, some floozie decided to ruin my mood immediately. She hugged him for longer than the friendly overextending 20 seconds, kissed his cheek and decided to announce that he had been her celebrity crush for so many years. However, me being the good wife I am settled on just letting it be, because at the end of the day I will be in OUR bed BESIDE him. He also thought it would be fun to tease me and dance with the woman. I'm trying not to be hurt because he's just trying to fuck with me, but then I see her hands tangle into his hair before he pushes her away and explains it was a friendly dance. I can't help but feel some type of way, his teasing turned against him and now it was my turn to become insufferable. I walked over to him grabbing his hand and dragging him into the bathroom, not caring who bothered to look at where the birthday boy was going. Once in the bathroom I slammed the door shut and locked the door. "Well, Mrs. Peters, how could you drag me from my own par-" He stopped talking as I pressed my lips into his, my hand snaking down to cup his soft dick and massage it, feeling the length grow in my hands. "Sorry Mr. Peters, I just couldn't stop myself." I removed my hand from him and pulled away. "Go have fun baby, Happy Birthday!" He looked at me and covered his now hard dick in his pants glaring at me, forming his lips to object but I push him out of my way and walk out of the bathroom, causing him to follow me like a lost puppy whining about how mean I am before Sarah smacks him dead in the face with a little cake. I turn around and start laughing which makes him smear some on my face. "Evan! My makeup!" He laughed at me and rubbed it all the way down to my cleavage. "Don't you dare." He smirked and ran it over my dress making me smear his into his shirt, we busted into giggles and smiles as Sarah chuckled. "Alright, we'll let you guys go home." I wiped the cake off my face nodding. Once we finally got home, I couldn't even remove my jacket before he was sweeping me off my feet and carrying me to our room. "Evan! Put me down!" He smirked and dropped me on the bed making me bounce and chuckle. "I've been waiting to undress you all night babe." I smiled at him and sat up so he could push up the rather short dress. "But I'm too impatient." I felt him pull my panties down and then I heard him pull his dick out. He lined it up with my entrance and pushed in making me whine out in pleasure. "I love you so much (name) Peters." I smiled before moaning again feeling him pull out slowly and push in at that same pace in a loving manner. "I love you too Evan." I wrapped my arms and legs around his neck and torso as I felt my body push with each of his gentle yet deep thrusts. "Fuck, you're all mine and I don't ever have to share you baby." I whined out in agreement as I felt myself getting closer. He slipped his hand down to my clit rubbing figure eights on it making me jolt in pleasure. "Ev, please." He kissed me and rubbed faster while still lovingly grinding his dick in and out of me. I felt my body convulse before I spilled my liquids onto his cock and him into me. "I love you so much, happy birthday." He smiled and kissed my collar still inside of me, me dress bunched up his pants at his ankles and us dozing off into sleep. "I love you too baby."

[deludedfantasy]

So, an update on Ordinary Days, if anyone's curious what's going on with that. Incidentally, this is also a life update because these things are connected.

Since late March/early April things have steadily been going downhill. I've had various family members in and out of the hospital in the last 4 months. I went on what was supposed to be a fun company trip in May then got fired by that job within a month. On top of all that, I've become incredibly depressed, though whether that was already a problem or a reaction to the situation is hard to say.

The one bright spot in all of this is that I signed up for my first fandom event! I'm still trying to finish my reverse bang fic before my posting date, but I'm so close to the finish line and refuse to give up. But I did end up overextending myself, so I had to stop working on Ordinary Days in order to finish it.

It's been a tough time, and I hope in September I finally get some breathing room again and the energy to get back to Ordinary Days. Please know that I really do miss working on it, but it's accurate to say it's on an indefinite hiatus until I get my life in order. I'm not abandoning this story, but I feel bad for going so long without a new chapter or an explanation for what's going on. Anyway, 2024 is kinda cursed and I'm personally very exhausted with it.

[just-some-random-blogger]

Left In Hell

Dream of The Endless x Musician!Reader

Summary: You left your harp in hell, and by the domain's laws, the item was quickly claimed by a demon. Your only hope of claiming it back was a bit of luck and a bit of Dream.

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: Insufferable!Dream, jittery!reader, gender neutral!reader, deity!reader ig, intense make out scene, typos, etc.

A/N: I originally posted this on my AO3 but yeah i wanted to bring this over here psssst a part two? "Sounds Like Heaven"

The hair on the back of my neck was raised. My stance was low as I carefully tread this annex of hell.

I let out a string of profanities once I saw exactly who was holding my instrument. I stilled in my creeping to hide behind a boulder near the swamp of torment when the demon looked over its shoulder.

I shuddered at the howls of help in the undead slurry of water and had to slap my hand on my mouth, as not to allow my squeaks from being heard.

In my anxiousness and fear, I topple backwards on my bum. I crawl away, breath hitching through my attempts to calm myself down.

I jolt up, startled when my hand pressed onto a dry branch, causing it to break with a loud crunching noise. Then I hold back a scream as I feel my back come in contact with something unanticipated.

I throw myself forward and whip my head back, in an attempt to see what I hit. Stupidly though, my frantic action nearly made me dive into the river.

I was blessed by the gods when something pulled me back and brought me to my feet.

I bring my hands up to my face in some sort of defense, although truly, it wouldn't matter, because whatever being hell would not be deterred by two fleshy limbs.

I find myself pressed against a chest with an arm around my back. I look back at the being that saved me then let out a sigh of relief, "it seems it's not the gods but the Endless that has delivered me."

Dream of the Endless, with his signature brooding look and gleaming yet tired eyes, peers down at me, inquiring with a dark tone, "what are you doing in hell?"

I place my palms on his firm chest and breathe in deeply before replying, "I was invited. The Lightbringer had always been fond of my music," I turn away from him, not bearing the weight of his gaze, "but then as I was about to leave, I realized I left my instrument."

Dream tilts his head.

"So, naturally, I came back for it, but by then a demon already laid claim on it, as it was technically already a lost item."

I hear his deep yet soft chuckle.

I make a twisted face of embarrassment and regret, and turn back to him, "I'm not causing trouble, I swear. Lucifer allowed me to retrieve my ha-my instrument, my instrument, my instrument, by my own power."

He hums then I realize I gave myself away by saying the words 'my instrument' a bit too much, "so it is your Harp of Dreamlight that got stolen?" He finally releases me, "no wonder you why you haven't begged me to help you the moment you saw my face."

"Please, my lord," I quickly change tune and grovel. I bend down and grab his coat, "there can be no forgiveness for losing your most precious gift, but surely, you cannot allow a demon make music with it."

The Lord of Dreams lowers his eyes to me, grabbing my arms, bringing me back to my feet, "the thought is most disturbing, and yet if I meddle, I would be overextending my power in a domain that is not mine."

"You wouldn't have to do anything," I shake my hand, gripping my hands on the lower part of his collar, "just allow me-- to..." I do a double take when I realize he had a raven on his shoulder. I raise my brows at the bird, "oh, hello. I hadn't noticed you there."

The raven squawks after I say my name in greeting, then replies, "I'm Matthew. I'd say it's nice to meet you, but considering we're in hell and all, I really can't."

I break into a soft chuckle, "that's true. I remember the first time I came here. It was horrible, I nearly couldn't-"

"This is exactly why you lost your harp in the first place," Dream cuts in, making me jolt in surprise and lower my gaze, "you are so fickle and so thoughtless that your focus so quickly fades."

I purse my lips at his harsh but true words as Dream brings his face down and further speaks, "well? What is your plan?"

I lift my eyes up to him and let out a nervous chuckle, "right, right. My plan. My plan. My plan." I grab his arm and point my finger very to the direction of the demon that was holding my harp closely by my chest.

Both Dream and I jerk when the demon begins to roughly rip through the chords of the instrument, playing it not only out of tune, but with such lack of care it breaks a string, then another.

I heave heavily and face the harp's maker, "That thing is a lust demon, so I was thinking I would flash it and make a run for it-"

"That is a reckless and horrible plan only one like you coul-"

"-but now that you're here!" I raise my voice, "we can just make out really, really roughly, and then Matthew could go fly over and grab it--"

"Matthew could what?!" Matthew repeats, "you are talking about that giant harp right?! There is no way I could."

"It turned giant because of that demon!" I exclaim a bit too loud because of my nerves, "it morphs itself to the size of the player. All you have to do is perch on it and-"

"You want me to perch on a harp next to a fucking mammoth demon!?"

"No!" I raise my hands and pull away from Dream to fully face the bird on his shoulder, "it's not a mammoth demon, it's a lust demon! I've never even heard of a mammoth demon!"

"I MEANT IT'S A LARGE DEMON! MAMMOTH AS IN LARGE!"

"Well how was I supposed to know that?!" I screech back.

"OI!" a cruelly loud voice calls, making all of us turn to the said demon that was holding my harp hostage, "WHAT DO YOU LOT WANT?!"

My eyes widen and my pulse quickens.

"No time," I squeak, shooing the bird away.

I then grab his master by the neck, pulling him down to crash my lips on him.

Matthew croaks in protest, flapping overhead, watching us kiss. He dares a look at the demon, and is honestly shocked to see that its angry face was now completely blank as the thing watched the two kiss before him.

He thinks about how weird and borderline disturbing this whole thing is.

My head was spinning because of the intimate exchange. Dream had placed his hands on my back and pulled me close. I had dug my hands in his already disheveled hair.

His lips were like wine I was getting drunk on. My body against him felt so at home even in a place such as this. And though I really didn't want to, I break away momentarily from the heated kiss to see how Matthew was fairing.

I let out a groan for two reasons, Matthew was still flying overhead, and Dream started kissing my neck.

"Matthew!" I whine out a plea as I looked up at him.

I squeak out in pain at the sudden nip at my earlobe. It seems Dream did not appreciate whatever I did, but I don't manage to do anything but melt against Dream's lips again as he presses his lips on mine.

I don't know if I was beginning to hear things, which would not be farfetched, considering there are echoes of misery here, but I could have sworn it was Dream that grumbled something along the lines of, "dare you say the name of another while kissing me?"

Nah.

That's probably all in my head.

I then squeak at the sudden shift in our stance; I was being lifted up by my thighs. His grip was firmly encouraging my legs to snake their way around his waist.

Matthew, at this point, finally makes way to the harp, heaving in both fear and tiredness, since he could not bring himself to fly high enough, lest he be caught up in the fog of wraiths above him.

True enough, once he perches on the harp, it rapidly begins to shrink.

"Boss!" Matthew croaks, "I got it," he says, beginning to fly off.

Instantly, Dream releases my lower lip, which he had caught in between his teeth, and my mind begins to spin.

I barely even register the sand that was suddenly swirling around us.

The next thing I know, there is a light that is irritating my eyes.

I turn back to Dream, nibbling my lips at the sight of his bitten ones, feeling my stomach flip at the sight of his eyes that were looking down at my lips.

"I got it," Matthew proudly calls again, flying over to us with a small harp hanging from his two claws. It was his voice that brought my back to reality, or so I realized as I was let down on the floor, to the main hall of the Dreaming.

I look up to Matthew as flies down to place the harp on the floor. I release a breath and crouch down to meet Matthew eye to eye, "thank you so much." I stand, then turn to Dream, whose heavy gaze was already on me. I am unable to croak out thanks at the unsorted looks of him.

"My Lord, I had not realized you have retur--" the voice of Lucienne echoes in the grand expanse of the room.

I turn to the speaker, breaking into a smile, "Lucienne! It's been a while!"

The librarian's eyebrows quirk as her eyes dart between her master's face and her master's guest. She decides not to remark on the swollenness of their lips and the unusual roughness of her master's hair, and instead readies herself with the incoming embrace.

I jog over to her and pull her into my arms.

She smiles back at me after I break away, then says, "the whole of Dreaming will be pleased to know of your visit."

"Yes, it's been a while since these halls have echoed with Dreamlight," I say, turning to Dream, who looked suddenly back to normal-- hair in its normally wild state, and lips not at all swollen, then to my harp, heart sinking at the sight of it's broken strings, "but I'm afraid I can't play you anything while its strings are broken."

I turn back to Dream and move to and fro on the pads of my feet, "unless, that is, I get some help-" "are you asking me for yet another favor, harpist?" Dream's voice booms across the expanse of what felt like the entire Dreaming.

"NO!" I squeak quickly, raising my hands up, "no, no! Psssssh," I shake my head quickly, "not at all. I can," I sigh, "collect my own materials in the abyss..." and turn to my feet with a painful look, "and forge my own strings by myself."

"Very good," Dream states, "I do hope you accomplish it quickly so you can perform for us all soon."

With that, he turns about and walks away, saying something about being terribly busy. And yet even if it was unwise to do so, I could not help myself to raise my fist at him in annoyance as I watched him leave.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #90

I'm not really sure what to write to you about today. I think I might have overextended myself in recent days, and once more I'm finding that my brain feels like soup. The sense of not really belonging in this place is hitting me kinda hard today, I guess. Suppose you would know a lot about what that's like.

Truth is, I struggle often enough with the way I perceive the world around me. I do it weirdly (much like how I do literally everything else... sigh...). I'm not gonna bother to articulate how, though; I doubt you'd be interested anyway. Fact remains that there ain't a whole lot of folks I can talk to about it; even if I could, most wouldn't understand, so why bother. Suppose it is what it is though; no sense in bellyaching. I just wish that it was a thing that could be measured, recorded, corroborated. Something that could be rationalized, explained, made logical. My mind tends to despise uncertainties; it likes everything to be concretized and nailed down.

…Ah well.

Like yesterday, today was busy, and also painful, thanks to Physical Therapy. There's weird stuff going on with the right side of my jaw, and the muscles holding it together needed to be mashed up with metal implements. I guess I'm gonna need braces sooner rather than later, because I really needed braces as a kid, but I didn't get 'em, and now my bite is all messed up, which means now my jaw is all messed up, and having the jaw messed up pulls on the neck, which then pulls on the ribs, and my ribs being weird is why I've been dealing with limited ability to use my right arm for the last almost two years to begin with, but I hesitate to get it fixed because braces cost a LOT of money, and I think most insurances won't cover the cost of it this late in life, so… it's a mess.

My whole existence is kind of a mess in a variety of respects, and… ya know. Sometimes I'm not sure why I bother persisting when all of it seems kind of like a farce; I live in a defective body on a dying planet where everyone is so traumatized that lots of 'em believe that killing each other is the answer to all their problems. Sometimes I just... don't wanna. Waking up in the morning in a world where there is no ethical way to maintain the integrity of my physical vessel seems like a chore.

…But then I remember that there are people who like having me around, even if I can't understand why most of the time. So I gotta believe that something good might come of my derping around on this mossy wet rock hurtling through space, even if I don't yet know what it is.

You ever get the feeling like there's something you're supposed to be doing, but you have no idea what it is, and you're running out of time? Feels like that almost constantly for me. If you know what that's like and know how to deal with it, lemme know, willya? I could use some pointers.

In the meantime… there's some stuff I've been meaning to learn how to do. I'm not gonna tell you what it is just yet, because it would ruin the surprise. But I hope the results will be good, if I can stop being intimidated long enough to get the gumption.

Anyway… Sephiroth. My brain continues to be soup. I think if I keep going, I'm just gonna keep rambling. I'm tired, but… I wanted to write anyway, because you're worth others' effort, even when they're feeling weird. But it's time to stop for today, because I'm having trouble staying on topic and stringing cohesive ideas together.

Please stay safe out there, okay? I don't wanna endure your absence, just like the folks who love me don't wanna endure mine. So let's both keep trying our best to keep our chins up and our eyes on the horizon, okay?

I'll leave you with this today:

I know you're not a little girl, so maybe you can think "little one" instead. Please take the overall message to heart. Please do your best to remain kind and gentle, no matter what tries to come along and break you.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[parallaxabomination]

Indefinite Commission Hiatus

5/8/2024

Due to my mental health being an all time low, I'm closing my commissions for an indefinite amount of time.

I will be finishing all owed art and reaching out to give proper updates. I am so sorry with my lack of professionalism. If you know you know... It is no excuse for my long wait-times. I just feel I owe some clarity. I have not been doing well mentally. I work multiple jobs and can't keep overextending myself like this. It's been eating me to just a hollow nothing. Both the capitalism grind and trying to heal from the events not described- I still don't know if I'll ever post a doc sharing my experiences. But I will say here my art ego has been crushed for sometime now. It has made my freelance work difficult. I've been so ashamed to refund my clients. I can't even afford to refund them. But I am not in a place to finish their work right now. It just breaks my heart. I love art and what I make. It's my everything and if you know me you know that.

I need a break from commissions. But you can imagine how scared I am to do so, as I NEED multiple jobs to stay afloat. I'm not apart of a union, I don't get breaks, guaranteed hours, benefits, nothing. The labor and expenses aren't adding up. They never did. I just can't offer art at this point in time. I want to. But I am not in the space to manage multiple professions right now. I can only offer my ko-fi as a means of donations/support.

I'm still going to post art. After commissions are done I am going to focus on personal art for me. You can support that me by being here, sharing my work, donating, coming to my streams. I wish I could offer something more like commissions. But I don't think there is anything left in me right now. I've just been neglecting myself for so long. I've put off vocal training, medical needs like surgery and my transition. But I can't do anything else right now besides rest and recover from this. Thanks for being here. I hope to come back from this, somehow.

[eveninglottie]

state of the charlie 2024

hello babes I know I've been quiet on here for a while, so I figured I would update y'all on some things I'm doing soon because while normally it would be bad if I were quiet, it's actually quite good! I've been having like, a weirdly great start to my year, and while I have been hibernating for the past two months I am gearing up to overextend myself soon getting back to work and I am gonna do the excruciating thing and tell you what I'm doing in the hope that you might support me (this is just the update. the begging will come later.) so, what am I doing?

first, I am going to be posting my book, wilderblood, here on tumblr! I realize that's kind of weird and silly but I feel very connected to tumblr and I am scared of trying to self-publish it right away. I also don't have the money to commission a good cover (that's part of the later begging) and I refuse to put a naked man and a moon on a generic night sky background on my cover. no shade to the people making bank with those covers but I just can't.

I will be posting it on a separate blog dedicated to the book (reblogging here, of course), so if you're interested in keeping up to date with it, you can follow me over there at wilderwolves. obviously there's nothing on there yet, but I'm going to be posting the first chapter in the next few days. I will also be restarting my patreon to hopefully make some money which would allow me to commission a gorgeous cover. also, for like. money in general. because capitalism has forced me to monetize my hobbies. patreon will get early access and bonus stuff, but the book will be free to read.

speaking of, I am also going to start making candles! super random, I know, but it's something I've always wanted to do and writing this book made me want to find something else that isn't writing that could allow me to do something fun with my hands that isn't playing final fantasy fourteen. it's called Wilder Candle and I'm gonna be putting it up on etsy so if anyone wants some candles for sad girls (gender neutral) that are darker and less cheerful than other candles, that's something I am also doing. yes the candle company has the same name as the book series. yes I will eventually be making self-indulgent candles of the characters of my book. no I will not be taking any criticisms at this time.

in other, non-money things, I have recently gotten back into dming and am currently running an End of Camelot king arthur campaign that has so far been WILD and everything I could have hoped for. my players are level 20+ and the game is broken and it's great. my friends are such freaks, I love them. I am also currently ill with what is probably the flu (but not covid, thank christ) and feel like my head is going to explode, but I managed to get out of my bed today so everything's coming up charlie over here. my cats are flourishing and they're beginning to tolerate me trying to pick them up, so really 2024 is starting pretty swell.

I hope your new years are not too stressful, and I'm really excited to show you what I've been working on. <3

[roguetelepaths]

byron + 1, 2, 5, 24,

Oh fuck yeah I was hoping someone would do this. This is going to be a massive wall of text and I'm sorry but also I'm really not. You have unleashed the infodump dragon and it's not leaving until it's run off some of its zoomies.

Why do you like or dislike this character?

You know a fun fact about me is that I was on Team Byron Disliker when I first started Season 5 just due to what I'd heard through pop culture osmosis. I even made a post to that effect after watching a couple of his episodes (deleted now because I was sick of seeing it in my notes) that got some circulation in the fandom. But the further I got into that arc and the more I thought about him, the less I saw what I expected to see when I started. Instead I saw someone who, though flawed, spent most of the time he was on screen trying to be gentle and compassionate and trying to protect his people in a situation that was hell bent on making it as hard as possible for him to do those things.

I do think he has a manipulative streak, and I do think he's the type to occasionally do very hurtful things because he believes he's doing so for the right reasons (see for example that fucking "doesn't it feel nice to be asked" scene between him and Lyta in The Paragon of Animals, even as a Lyta/Byron shipper that makes me SO ANGRY because that point could be made in LITERALLY any other way that didn't involve demeaning her and shouting at her, I get that you're pissed off at the people who did that to her but taking it out on her isn't gonna help anyone so stop) but those flaws when combined with his genuine good intentions and abundance of care are fascinating.

A big part of why I think people dislike him as a character is because those flaws are presented as an immutable Fact Of Who He Is, which, yeah, I can see why someone would find that insufferable, but I like writing character growth and he deserves some.

Tl;dr, I like him because he's complicated. I dislike the way canon never seemed to want to grapple with those complications.

Favorite canon thing about this character?

That scene with the one guy in Downbelow. You know the one. Letting someone punch you repeatedly because you want to teach them a lesson about how finding a target to beat up on isn't actually going to solve their problems is... genuinely fucking baller and I wish we'd gotten to see more of that side of him.

Also that thing with Lyta in Strange Relations that's basically a mutual "I'm not overextending myself YOU'RE overextending yourself! Please slow down and rest 🥺" is probably what made me ship them as hard as I do. Dipping out of canon and into my fic for a second, but that interaction is so different from their first interaction that I kind of have to wonder if someone talked to him about the way he treated her. (I may have written a missing scene about that but it needs some fine tuning before I feel good about posting it.)

What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

oh my god!!! so many. SO MANY. But uhhhh I can narrow it down to like four?

Runaway by The National as a general theme song

I, Carrion (Icarian) by Hozier as a soft and sad song for him and Lyta

The Deserter's Song by Radical Face as a backstory reveal song

New World Coming (any version but I like the one by Nina Simone best because. Come on. It's Nina fucking Simone how can you top that) because I'm almost certain it was one of the songs JMS pulled from when he was writing That Song For That Scene.

What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

I've been saying this from the very beginning— The Signless from Homestuck. (Yes, I'm a Homestuck enjoyer. Sorry.) I just love my pacifist resistance leaders with feral partners and tragic endings okay.

[fouralignments]

I have no medical knowledge in anyway but...

Would/Could Erik have body dysmorphia?

I'm asking you because so far your wisdom usually comes with an answer.

I think Erik could have it. I had to do some research myself on the matter. Given the fact Shaw and the experiments done on him.

There's actually a specific principle in Jewish law called: Pikuach nefesh it states that preservation of human life (yourself and others) virtually overrides any other Jewish law. The prospect of famine, I can see Erik breaking Kosher save his own life and others; whatever twisted thing Shaw could come up with. Its been something that Erik wrestles with. It connects him to his mother and his heritage. I've been giving it some thought of as of late, of where for a long time Erik didn't keep Kosher because going after Shaw and plus Kosher cerfiation agency hadn't really reach critical mass in 1950, for example, the OU's staff of around 40 mashgichim (rabbinic field representatives) certified 184 products for 37 companies; by 1972, the OU had more than 750 mashgichim certifying over 2,500 products for 475 companies and now in a 2013 epsiite it was 135,000 food products (Lytton, Timothy D. (2013). Kosher). Now that is life is a bit more peaceful he can put more focus on it, however, It can be a point of contention between Erik and Peter.

Seeing himself very skinny could begin oppressing of not looking that way again becoming very strict eating schedules

Like he could have a very specific version of it called Muscle Dysmorphia; this is from healthline " People with MD perceive themselves as less muscular and smaller than they really are. Many people with this condition have a build that’s average or more muscular than average."

Erik could obsess over his powers having perfect form and really just honing his skills being a perfectionist I can see him just overextending himself while working out and keeping muscle mass up is pretty damn hard to do; the human body needs fat; I know in DOFP Hugh Jackman to get all those muscles to show he didn't drink anything for an extended amount of time; I wish Hollywood would stop with this practice.

I hope this helps!

I just want to do a quick PSA for myself. I am waking up at 3:30 AM for a Yellowstone Tour to see the wildlife, so I will not be in contact for most of the day and when I do get back to the cabin, I will be tired AF. Please do not worry about me.

[queen-scribbles]

how about close and/or tug, for the Wayhaven pair of your choosing (or anyone else you'd like 😉)

*shows up nine months later with Dunkin and fic*

Close fill for Mallory/Adam, post-book 3 (grab your popcorn) ---

Pulling Punches

Mallory had thought she timed it right to be the only one in the training room.

She'd thought wrong.

"Agent," Adam greeted her, only half turning from the dummy he was practicing against.

"Only when I'm on duty," Mallory muttered as she shrugged off her jacket and started to wrap her hands. The annoyance was more at herself for guessing wrong--and the odd leap her heart did seeing him here--than him for the greeting.

"Which is, in a sense, all times," Adam countered, completing his turn toward her and clasping his hands behind his back. "Would you care for a partner, Mallory?"

She crossed her arms at the deliberate pause before he said her name. "For sparring, or did you have something else in mind?"

A muscle in his jaw twitched, the only reaction to her verbal jab. "Sparring, of course. That is why we're both here, is it not?"

"I wouldn't want to keep you, if you were finishing."

"I'm hardly worn out," Adam said, glint of amusement in his eyes. And it was true; however long he'd been at this, there was only a slight sheen of sweat on his skin, faint stains dampening the back of his t-shirt. He wasn't even out of breath. "And I would do what I can to assist you."

She did prefer sparring with an opponent to hitting a punching bag. More fun if she had to strategize and react. And she'd never gotten to hit Bobby after he broke her heart.

Of course, given how their last few training sessions had gone, she wouldn't get to really hit Adam, either. But maybe just trying would be cathartic. Wasn't like she'd hurt him even if she did land a punch.

It annoyed her how much that last point mattered.

"Yeah, alright," Mallory nodded, reaching up to check the hairband around her bun was secure. "Ready?"

"When you are," Adam said, inclining his head.

She sized him up and lunged forward, already swinging. It wasn't surprising when he knocked away both the punch and its follow-up. But he also dodged the sweep at his ankles she'd been trying to distract him from.

"Very good." A genuine smile curved his lips. "So long as you don't overextend yourself, such a combination is a smart choice. Keep your opponent's attention divided."

Something prickled in her chest at him talking like an instructor, detached, when he was--and should be--so much more to her. "Creating weaknesses to exploit?"

She kicked at the back of his knee, pivoted and felt her elbow strike glance off his ribs as he twisted out of the way.

"Or take advantage of exisiting ones." He raised an arm to deflect a punch, swept her feet using the momentum.

Mallory hit the mats, growled as she rolled back to her feet, immediately ducking under a kick. "And that's why you try not to have- any-." She punctuated the words with two more swings. Adam was silent, but Mallory was pretty damn sure it wasn't through any luck or skill of her own that both hits connected with his abdomen. "Trying to avoid getting hurt?"

Like you hurt me. She only just kept from saying it.

"To protect myself and others, yes," Adam said, blocking her next strike easily. "I have a responsibility to the team." He twisted to pin her arm behind her. "I cannot--"

"Show weakness?" Mallory bit out, swiveling in the heartbeat his grip loosened to pull free. She slammed the heel of her hand up into his shoulder joint, hoping to unbalance him.

She didn't. "Have them," Adam corrected.

Mallory snorted and huffed loose tendril of hair out of her face. "Well, that's bull. I know you care about the team, or protecting us wouldn't mean so much." She swung, he dodged. "Are you you trying to tell me Mason and Felix aren't weaknesses, by that metric?" Another swing, deflected this time, and she gave a breathless, sardonic laugh. "Hell, you've been best friends with Nate for three bloody centuries, Adam. D'you really expect me to believe it wouldn't hurt you if something happened to him?!" She kicked at his hip and almost fell when he braced to take it rather than avoid as she'd anticipated.

Adam caught her ankle. "That is not the same," he bit out, tugging on her leg just enough to unbalance her.

She hit the mats with a curse, tasted blood from biting her lip as she sprang back to her feet. "How?"

She knew, and if he said it, God help her, she was going to punch him in the face.

A strange vulnerability flickered in Adam's eyes, chest heaving with a breath. "He is not mortal, Mallory. None of them are."

"And I'm not fragile!!" she spat, launching herself at him again.

He caught the punch, easily keeping her at arms' length as he swiveled. "Yes, you are." The words were steady, implacable, and just a hint pained. "Compared to us, you are."

"And yet I'm still bloody here!" She tugged on the trapped wrist, swung with the other hand when he didn't let go. "Despite the danger, despite the fact you can be the most arrogant, condescending, stubborn--"

"Stubborn?" Adam interjected, giving her a significant look as he caught her other wrist in the same hand as well.

"Guess we're made for each other," Mallory retorted, yanking her hands free. He let her. "Except in that case, you're being stubborn in the wrong direction. I thought fear made us fighters, so why are you giving up so easily?!"

Rather than swing at him, she crowded into his space, breathing hard, as she made the demand. It hung in the air as Adam ran a gaze over her, as a muscle in his jaw twitched when that gaze lingered on her lips before returning to her eyes. As he held her gaze for several long seconds.

"Because I have already lost everything once," he finally said, level, quiet. Hollow. "I would not care do it again."

She swallowed hard, Tu omnia burning bright in her thoughts.

'You are everything'.

But she was not letting it go. He didn't get to break both their hearts and pretend it was the right thing, the noble thing, to do.

"So you're going to lose it to surrendering instead?" Mallory said bluntly, rolling her shoulders as she stepped back to resume sparring.

Adam's jaw tightened. "I am not-"

"You are!" She brought her hands up, fingers curling. "You're giving up even if I haven't!"

He frowned, emotion gleaming in his eyes. "You don't know what it feels like, Mallory, I cannot allow--"

"Don't tell me what to do!!" she yelled, frustration boiling over in a wild punch. "Just b'cause you don't want to fight f--" Another punch.

Adam caught both, one wrist in each hand, grip gentle but unyielding "I have seen the cost of fighting to follow my emotions. I would spare you that." He swept her feet from under her, following down to pin her to the mat, one knee by her hip and a hand still around each wrist. "My parents, my brothers, my sister, my friends, everything." He held her gaze, both breathing hard. "I have borne that for nine hundred years. But if I allow... us and something happened to you..." His gaze wandered her face, unfathomably sad when it met hers once again. "That I could not bear for nine minutes, let alone nine hundred years."

Mallory was silent as the words washed over her, as she caught the spark of pain and fear in his eyes. "I understand what you lost. That it hurts." She pushed herself up on her elbows, wrists still pinned, until mere centimeters separated them. "But I love you, Adam du Mortain. I am not going to stop because you're afraid..." A deep breath, the words shaking as they whisked against his skin. "...and I don't think you will, either."

He stared at her for so long she half-expected him to kiss her. Was more than half tempted to kiss him. But he pushed away, releasing her.

"It is too great a risk," he said softly, fingers tracing through the air a whisper from the edge of her jaw. This is... just for show...

"Have you forgotten how much I like risk?" Mallory challenged with a snort as she pushed to her feet. For once taller than him as he remained sitting cross-legged on the mat. "However much there is, it's worth it to me. I'm in love with you and you can't stop me. Denying that only hurts both of us." She moved to pick up her jacket and take a drink of water, swallowing hard around the lump in her throat. "Just keep that in mind."

And she strode from the room without looking back.

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

The Man Downstairs Status Report - September 1, 2023

Thank you so much to everyone who has been waiting patiently for any news on this and to everyone who is new to it and has been liking, leaving kudos, and posting comments! It's greatly appreciated and I'm looking forward to replying to the comments soon!

This story is still very much on my mind and I do want to finish it as soon as I'm able. Things have been mostly good lately especially because there are kittens involved. If I'm being honest, I haven't even been overly "busy." In fact, it's been purposely less busy because I've been trying to respect my spoon levels and rest when needed, even if it's a frustratingly large amount of attempting to rest and an annoyingly small amount of getting things done. But it's good to better understand just how far I was overextending myself for most of my life and that, no, I wasn't just being lazy or faking being tired to get out of doing things - I was legitimately exhausted. (The fact that I wanted to be able to do the things and felt bad if I couldn't should have been the first clue but, you know...)

Anyway, it's so far been a positive thing because I've gone from not having the energy to care about anything to feeling slightly capable of not only caring but being able to do things again thanks to giving myself some slack and a mindful rest/productivity balance as well as setting some boundaries both with the outside world and with myself.

I'm hoping that will translate into working on this fic again soon. I'll post more updates as things progress.

Thanks again to everyone!

[staceymcgillicuddy]

May have slightly overextended myself in October. One day, I'll write new things instead of just editing the backlog. And, shit, that's just fic writing. Doesn't account for my, you know, actual job. Or my original stuff. I'm doing NaNoWriMo in November, but somehow that feels less daunting than the gauntlet run of prep this month entails.

Hope everyone is having a lovely morning!

[headmate-ideas]

Hey, so I'm kinda thinking I have to admit that I'm new.. I was hoping to get some inspiration for some identity stuff from here? Looking for name, interests, stuff like that specifically.

I don't need pronouns as I already know those, and don't need any attraction labels, objectum or otherwise.

Basically what I know about myself is that I feel masculine and seem to be highly asocial (possibly in a schizoid symptom holder way??)

Anything you can come up with is good. Just kinda need a "here's a place to start" I guess

Thanks /genuine

🌌 HEADMATE TEMPLATE/IDEAS 🐝

✦ Name(s): Cassius, Quasar, Adrick, Buzz, Abstract ✦ Role(s): symptom holder, social protector (optional) ✦ Symptoms experienced: asociality/schizoid personality disorder ✦ Labels: proxvir, mxn/bxy, genderfaun, manflux/boyflux, annulian, genderhawk ✦ Xenos: void, dogs, death, paradoxes, gold ✦ Interests/likes: outer space, art history, death, books, bees ✦ Music taste: darksynth, space ambient, deathdream, classical, baroque rock ✦ Aesthetic(s): voidcore, expressionism, grunge, art nouveau ✦ Kins: quasars, ghosts, rats, void, icicles ✦ Emoji proxy: 🌌🐝 ✦ Details:

Cassius's asocial nature combined with negative schizoid symptoms leads to a personal resonation with things that are empty or signify nothingness (including but not limited to outer space, ghosts, and death). However, Cassius is also interested in social animal species, as well as social studies, from the perspective that they are studying an aspect of life that they don't fully understand. Their favorite social animals are bees, but they also like lions, dolphins, and rabbits. They also like art (especially paintings), music (classical as well as current), and literature (particularly science fiction and horror). They enjoy partaking in these things as well as learning about their history. One way that Cassius's asocial nature can help the system is by protecting against social burnout. The necessity of this depends on what Cassius's other system members are like, but if any of them have a tendency to overextend themselves socially, Cassius can step in and remove themself from social situations, cancel social arrangements, or otherwise give the system a break when needed.

[These can be edited and changed as needed, and headmates introjected from this template will almost definitely not turn out EXACTLY as described.]