#hopefully one day i will find that thing. and soon i will finish my chores but i won't go crazy and do a move out level clean

[alsojnpie]

i lost this round....

[ros3ybabe]

Life Update After a Few Days: October 18th, 2023 🎀

I’ve been a little busy with school, work, resting, and starting my workout routine back up, so here’s a little update!

I’m getting a tattoo soon! I know the aesthetic of my blog is pink and girly and coquette and I love everything that comes with the aesthetic and the lifestyle but I have an affinity for gothic style/spooky tattoos, so I’m getting a decent sized spider tattoo on my right thigh and I’m super excited! This is the first big ish sized tattoo besides the two small ones I have, and it’s the first tattoo appointment I’ve ever made so I’m really excited. A little anxious, especially for the shading portion of it, but I’m looking forward to how good it’s going to look when it’s finished and how much more confident it’s going to make me!

I’ve started working out at the gym again! My current schedule is three days of weightlifting (pull day, leg day, push day), and two days of just cardio. It feels so nice both mentally and physically to be taking care of myself like this again. I even bought some new workout shorts and gym clothes and I’m feeling better than ever! I’m focusing on improving my mental health right now and working out is doing wonders for me!

I’m working so much right now, but it’s worth it because I need the money for rent, tattoos, gym stuff, groceries, and whatever other necessities and wants pop up. I’m pulling doubles most Saturdays and it’s a little tiresome and energy draining but I’m managing pretty well. I won’t pull doubles every Saturday tho because that drives me straight into burnout and I’m trying to avoid that.

I hit 31 days on Duolingo and I’m at 28 days on Busuu, super proud of myself for keeping up with those two goals for now! I’m still working through the first two lessons of Genki and I’m still using the Kanji app but my studying has been a little bit more spread out because of my busy schedule. I’m trying to learn how to better balance multiple things without hyperfixating on just one and forgetting about everything else. I’ve noticed I tend to do that and that’s not the most productive thing for me.

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I spent a lot of money on stuff from Amazon (and Ulta) and most of it is here already besides the last couple Amazon items coming in today! I love the workout clothes I bought and the fitness/health tracker planner I bought is really interesting. I also got my language tracking bullet journal stuff in the mail so I am super looking forward to starting that up soon. Again, I noticed I tend to hyperfixate on one thing at a time but right now I’m trying to balance all my interests and things I need to do. My current “balance breakup” is: fitness/nutrition, Japanese language study, school/classes and academic success, work/making money, self care (sleep, skincare, reading, journaling, etc), boyfriend time, appointments, and chores/cleaning/housework. Sounds like a lot but there’s 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. Not everything has to be done in one day and as long as I manage my time efficiently, then I’ll be successful. I also try to take into account my energy levels, daily tasks, possible “curveballs”, and my current physical and mental/emotional well being. Flexibility is a must in my life but I do like having routines and things to stick to, plan and schedule wise.

I’ve been working on some posts ideas for this blog so it’s not just daily updates and stuff, but actual tips, advice, and my current routines and schedules too, to maybe help motivate and inspire you guys! I have some things in mind currently, so hopefully I can find the time to type them up and post them!

Thank you guys for 850+ followers! I never thought my blog could grow like this and I’m super happy it has! This community has given me such a safe and comforting place where I can just be myself without worry. I appreciate all of you so much!! I hope all of you have amazing days, amazing sleep, amazing skin, amazing grades, and that life is going great for all of you!

that’s pretty much all I have to update you on for now. I will be posting a Daily Check In tonight about how today went as well, to help me get back on track with posting!

til next time, lovelies 🩷🤍

[metamorphosisff]

|Six| Can I Be Your Best Friend?

“Who’s this man Papi says you all smiles for? Te ‘ta dando muela.”

Mari is wearing a smirk identical to her sons as she recants how Papi told her how Xavier was smiling and talking way too much for his liking. I roll my eyes at the sight of it and of Papi’s dramatized version of my conversation with Xavier from the night of the meeting. We’re side by side, folding clothes in the laundromat, as we wait for the last of our bedding to be done drying. Half of our morning has been spent between these faded gray walls and the rest of it will be spent doing household chores to get ready for the upcoming week.Weekends don’t mean rest for people like us. They are an exchange of labor, the labor we are paid for is replaced by the labor we need to maintain some level of comfort.

“Your son has a creative imagination. Xavier is barely a friend let alone my man,” I said, picking up two socks to match and roll together. 

“So his name is Xavier,” Mari sings out, exaggerating his name and making me gag in the process.

“And yours is annoying,” I reply, plucking a shirt from the pile to fold next.

“Yeah, yeah, snarky reply, snarky reply. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, tell me about this Xavier,” Mari said, grabbing another pair of work pants to fold carefully so she wouldn’t have to iron them later.

Using my t-shirt to wipe at the sweat on my brow, my shoulders shrug to which she sucks her teeth at. “Look there isn’t much to tell. He’s the supervisor for my community service and invited me and a few others to a group that talks about their day. It’s supposed to be therapeutic or some shit.”

“Sounds like some shit you should be a part of. You need more than me and Papi because I know you keep stuff from us,” Mari says, in a way that is not accusatory. It’s more so takes on an air of disappointment because while she never considered me or my problems burdensome, I did. As soon as Papi came into the mix I decided that I would never add too much to her plate. I couldn’t have her worrying about me when she had a whole kid to raise. Though I see now that Mari will worry about me whether I give her reason to or not.

“I don’t keep away anything important and while I didn’t hate the meeting, I don’t know if I’ll go back,” I said, despite the fact that I had picked Xavier’s brain about it the other day. It was hard enough opening up to my best friend. How could I do that in a room full of strangers? Unbiased feedback aside. I did not know how to pluck the words from my brain regarding my deepest thoughts and make them spill from my lips.

“Why? ‘I didn’t hate it’ means that you liked it. Don’t run from a good thing,” Mari said.

“How do you know it’s good for me?” I asked.

Mari raises a threaded eyebrow in my direction before saying, “Because you have yet to give me a list of why it’s not. Go back one more time at least.”

“I will consider it,” I sighed, which earned me a side hug that I reluctantly leaned into. “Consider Mari. I’ve resumed my job hunt now that I only have a month left of this. Hopefully, it won’t take me too long to find something. I miss making corporate money.”

“Listen I need to finish school so I can start because these regular degular nine to fives are not cutting it,” Mari said. She worked as a manager for two retail stores but couldn’t move on to the administrative side of things until she earned her bachelor's degree.

“No they are not,” I agreed.

The call center I was an agent at was with one of the biggest cell phone companies and had great benefits. Now, I had to hope to find a position that good though I never wanted to work at any place like that again. The call center was too busy for me. I wanted to be of service without all of the drama. My degree was in communications but I wasn’t using it to its full potential.

“Wait, you're not off the hook about this Xavier character. Tell me, what he look like? He cute?” Mari asks, refusing to let me switch the subject. I curse her attention for detail while I fold up the last of the shirts in my pile.

“Yeah, he’s cute, in a wholesome way. Like you look at him and know he was raised underneath his grandma. Has these really expressive eyes,” I said.

“You can’t be mean with those types. You’ll actually hurt his feelings and before you start, yes men have feelings too,” she says, holding up her hand to cut off my usual rant. 

It’s not that I don’t know that men have feelings, it’s that I do not have room for theirs and mine. Feelings were heavy and the ones I carried were wearing my shoulders thin as is. To make space for more seems burdensome and overall unappealing. 

“Give him a chance. He made your mean ass smile, that’s worth something.”

Between her and Jazz, I can not escape advocacy to let this man into my life. Did I really come across that mean and lonely? The pleading look in Mari’s eyes gives me the answer immediately.

“Fine,” I say, pulling out my phone. In it is a text from Xavier from almost two hours ago asking if I’m free to hang out later. I ignored it when I woke up but my fingers tapped across the screen to reply now: Depends, what did you have in mind? “Look I’ve texted him back. Don’t ask me anything else about him for the rest of the day.”

She squeals as she reads over our thread since I’ve shoved the screen in her face. “Good. Good. I can move onto the next matter on the agenda, how is Lonso?”

I roll my eyes so hard that for two seconds I almost think they will get stuck. Turning my head I give her my best ‘really’ face. She should know better than to ask me about my half brother. We barely got along and whenever he did bother to remember my existence it was to tell me what I “should” be doing. Like him being seven months older than me really made a difference.

“What? Besides us, he’s the only family you have got,” Mari says, not phased by my screw face at all.

“Family is doing a lot of heavy lifting when it comes to that one. As far as I know, he still thinks I’m an idiot for staying in this neighborhood and that I’ve wasted my potential by not enlisting in the military like he did. So he remains a dickhead,” I said.

“A well meaning dickhead,” Mari amends, walking towards one of our dryers that has just gone off. Within seconds she’s pulling out my lavender bedding and shoving it on a cart.

“Marissa,” I said, lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of my nose. “We don’t get along. He only calls out of some false sense of obligation.”

“He calls because he loves you and he doesn’t know any other way to show it. Just like you don’t know how to accept the fact that he loves you and you love him too. Because if you didn’t you wouldn’t answer the phone and listen to him nag like a housewife. So how is he for real?” Mari asks, passing me the cart.

I sigh and drop my shoulder as I start folding my sheets. “Just got a house in Virginia with his fiancé Jules. Wants me to visit.”

“That’s amazing. When are you going to go? Fourth of July might be nice with him being military and all,” Mari says.

“I’ve been summoned for Thanksgiving. He already sent me my flight information,” I said, pretending to gag.

“You're going to have a good time. Stop that,” Mari said, smacking my hand down. 

“Twenty bucks, I don’t,” I said, placing my newly folded bed set into my laundry back in the shopping cart I brought myself. Today was a big laundry day and there was no way I was carrying this without support. 

“The easiest dub I’ll ever make. Now move your ass, we still have to go shopping,” Mari said, snapping her fingers like she did with Papi.

Shaking my head, I stuffed the last of my laundry into the cart. While I waited as she did the same, my phone vibrated drawing my attention. Xavier has found something for us to do: Bryant Park Food Truck Fair, 7pm?

See you then.

I slid my phone into my back pocket unsure whether or not I have made a mistake but like Jazz said, there was only one way for me to find out.

Xavier might be corny but he has a style outside of his usual work clothes. I see him before he notices me, waiting on the corner of the 6th Ave entrance by Wafels & Dinges where we agreed to meet. He’s wearing camo shorts, a fitted beige t-shirt that ironically matches the flowy bohemian styled skirt I wear, and a pair of Mocha 1’s. The gold chain he normally wears tucked is out and shines in the catches of descending sunlight. Taking a deep breath I decide to stop watching him like a creep and speed up the last few steps separating us. When he notices me he smiles wide as his eyes sweep over my frame. With the skirt is a cropped white tube top that leaves my midriff bare. My hair in the front is French braided into a messy bun while the rest cascades down my shoulders in gel encased curls.

“Hey, you look beautiful Jamila,” he compliments.

“You telling me this looks better than my snazzy orange vest,” I joke, causing him to chuckle.

“I think you look good in anything,” he says.

“Nice save,” I chuckle, as we fall into step entering the park. 

It’s truly summertime in the city, people occupy every inch of the park due to all of the food vendors out and about. I discover quickly that he is a big foodie and he makes us try something from almost every truck. We post up on the stairs of the New York Public library sharing a humongous dulce de leche funnel cake with two scoops of vanilla ice cream on top. A group of emo teens sit not too far from us playing Fall Out Boy songs from before they were born. Oddly enough, it provides the perfect soundtrack to this indulgence. 

“I’m surprised you came to kick it with me,” he says, taking another scoop of ice cream. So far our conversation has been surface level but I can see in his eyes that will be changing now that we’ve gotten settled. 

“To be honest? So am I, I almost didn’t but I wanted to ask you what do you want from me without Jazz lurking and possibly swaying your answer,” I said.

“I guess I have to make us friendship bracelets for you to get that’s all I want,” he chuckled, taking another scoop of ice cream. I roll my eyes and he shakes his head before continuing. “I think you're interesting, smart, and funny. That’s hard to come by these days.”

“I wouldn’t know but I do know that I’m not in the mood for games. Don’t say you want to be my friend then turn around and try to kiss me,” I said, going for a piece of funnel cake.

“That’s happened before huh?” he sighed, shaking his head. 

“Too many times to count back when I was naive enough to fall for it but now? I’m too grown. Too tired. I’m here because a part of me, a tiny part, thinks you're genuine,” I said.

“Believe that part or try to. I uh, just got out of a three year relationship that ended badly so I’m not looking for anything in the romance department until I finish figuring out what I’m supposed to be learning from that situation,” he says, the hurt from that relationship displayed briefly. Long enough to let me see it but quick enough for me to wonder if I saw it at all. 

That was a more honest answer than I had been expecting. He meant it when he said he was an open book but I want to test how open. “When you say badly…what do you mean? Only asking because I don’t need anyone coming up to me as a woman over my friend.”

At that he laughed, the kind of laughter that caused his shoulders to bounce as he looked at me. “Ha! Nah man, that won’t be happening, she lives in Texas. We were long distance towards the end of our relationship because she wanted to live there and I didn’t. She cheated and is embarrassed by all our friends knowing so she won’t be up here for multiple reasons.”

“Damn, that sucks,” I said, chewing on another piece of funnel cake.

“It does and it hurts me still but one day it won’t,” he says with a shrug, dipping his spoon for more ice cream.

I nod my head in agreement as I use a new piece of funnel cake to dip into the extra caramel sauce that pools at the bottom. It’s better if I eat then try to offer empty platitudes. Luckily, I don’t have to because a few seconds later Thnks fr th Mmrs starts playing, and we lock eyes before bursting out into laughter. It’s sitcom-y and corny but it’s fitting. “Man them kids tryna’ set me up,” he smiles.

“Talk about timing,” I cracked, as I let my eyes meet his. 

“True but back to the subject. I, Xavier Wilson, swear that I will be the bestest friend you ever have,” he said, raising his right hand. 

“And I, Jamila Brooks, swear that I will be kinda decent, some of the time, as possibly the worst friend you ever have,” I said, raising my right hand as well.

We share another round of laughter as he shakes his head at me. “Yo, you something else.”

“So I’ve been told,” I said, grabbing a napkin to wrap my spoon in. I’m officially stuffed with no room for anything else and happily pass him the plate so he can finish devouring it.

“Now that we’ve gotten that understood once and for all, what do you do bestie?” he asked, scooping up the last of the ice cream that hasn’t melted.

I roll my eyes at the extra title he tacked on which earns me the sound of his snort and another round of soft laughter. 

“I’ve done it all really. I’m currently working at a warehouse until I can get another administrative or customer service position. I’m hoping for the former but I’ll take whoever will have me,” I said, toying with the edges of my skirt. “Well no, that’s not true. I want a good job with good benefits. I think once I have at least a year of that, I can think about what career I want.”

“That’s real, it’s hard to focus when you feel like you can’t catch your breath. It took me a while to get my shit together,” he said.

“You?” I asked. 

He was Mr. Clipboard, always cool, calm and collected or so I thought. It never crossed my mind that he had his own burdens to bear. I never had a reason to care until recently. 

“Yeah me,” he chuckles, dropping his spoon as well. “I was a knucklehead growing up. A three month stint in the hell hole that is Rikers when I was nineteen changed all of that though. I realized very quickly that was not the life I wanted.”

I squint my eyes at him trying to see the young hellion that ended up on Rikers Island of all places but I can’t see it. 

“Would you quit looking at me like that?” he chuckles, as he rolls up our trash.

“Sorry but I just can’t picture it. You as a knucklehead or on Rikers,” I said.

“Good, that shit was a long time ago. Ten years to be exact,” he said. Quick math lets me know that he is thirty one years old. Four years older than my twenty-seven.  

“I respect that, you evolved. It’s not the easiest to change but you did it while you were young which was smart,” I said.

It was hell trying to change when you got older. Bad habits had a way of embedding themselves into the core of a person's being. Trying to extract them after twenty five became something like an exorcism. I had long chosen to let my demons ride but lately I’ve had the itch to send them on their way.

“Appreciate that. Change can happen at any age though. I’m always changing. You either change and grow or stay stagnant and wither away. That’s what my Pops always says,” he said.

“Pops sounds like a wise man,” I said, fleeing his gaze and looking out towards the park. The crowd only increases due to the aroma of the food drawing in pa. Our spot on the steps grows more cramped as he has to inch closer to me as people plop down to sit. This new proximity allows me to smell his cologne, it’s clean and fresh, and reminds me of the beach.

“He is, when he isn’t doing too much,” he says with a fondness in his tone that makes my heart ache. I wonder what it’s like to have a real father, one that passes off wisdom instead of spending all day getting high. “My folks are good people though. They could have given up on me but they didn’t and I’m eternally grateful.”

“Make sure you let them know that,” I said, feeling his eyes on the side of my face. I’m not ready to meet his gaze yet. I feel too raw, unexpectedly at that, and so I defiantly keep my eyes forward.

“I do, trust. What about your parents? They all over protective too?” he asked.

At that I snort and shake my head. “Nah, not at all. My parents got swept up in the opioid epidemic which turned into them getting swept up in the crack epidemic,” I said.

My parents hadn’t always been complete and total failures. At least not for the first ten years of my life. They both worked stand up jobs with my father in construction and my mother as an LPN. Unfortunately for them, they both got injured at their jobs about a year and a half apart. Back in the mid aughts doctors were pushing oxycodone like candy to anyone with the slightest of aches. Their recovery process turned into a full blown addiction and we were barely above being low class as is which meant they could not keep up with the cost of oxy. Once crack became a replacement it was pretty much downhill from there. 

The only reason I got to keep the apartment was because my mother had been smart enough to put my name on the lease as well. My grandmother ended up moving in, providing financial assistance from her pension as a retired teacher, and the babysitting jobs she took on the side. I did my part as well. From the age of thirteen I had worked in salons sweeping up hair, at the grocery store, coffee shop, you name it. All so that I could help pay rent and have something to eat. As we struggled to survive my parents drifted further and further away not wanting their addictions to affect me more than it already had. I saw them every few years, always by happenstance, and those fleeting moments were never enough but they were all I had.

“I’m sorry to hear that Jamila, for real, addiction is a beast,” he said.

“Yeah but it is what it is. Besides, their realities gave me this charming personality you want to be around so much,” I said, finally letting my eyes swing towards him. His eyes crinkle in the tell tale sign that laughter will follow.

“Mannn, whatever yo,” he chuckles.

We sit shoulder to shoulder and let our gazes swing out towards the park. I thought I might regret coming to see him but I didn't. I’m enjoying myself for the first time in recent memory. I sink into the moment and let it get deep inside so that I can have something to hold onto the next time my life gets off track. I need reminders that days like this exist. As my eyes close and head tilts back to let the ever elusive breeze wash over my face, I feel him follow suit. It seems that he needs the reminder too.

Taglist:

@darqchilddaydreamz  @ljstraightnochaser  @gigafaex @trippyscotch @themakingsofdion @xo-goldengirl   @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @miyuhpapayuh @liv444me @cherrellek @althegreat33 @4ftwonder @ittsstephanieee  @becauseimswagman1  @acrox-the-universe92 @motheroffae @po3ticb3auty @shahanaazsoumah @leahnicole1219  @kenbechillin @razrsharpwhiteteeth @itssokibri @blackerthings @kinginwithbreezy-blog​ @queengodiva619  @rockerchick1138 @easy-does-it462

[astral-athame]

((Life for me has pretty much been: Wake up at 8am. Desperately try to get more sleep until 9 (usually I doze off for, like, 2 or 3 minutes at a time and that's it). Get ready for work. Leave between 9:30 and 9:45. Work from 10-1:30-ish (it's supposed to be until 1:15 but I'm never out of there on time). Get home around 1:45. Leave for work part 2 around 2:30. That goes from at least 3-7, usually closer to 7:20 when I finally leave (sometimes stay until 8 or 9). Get home between 7:30 and 7:45. Make a quick dinner, shower, etc. Around 8:30, watch Ba.tt.le.st.ar Gal.act.ica with a couple of friends (if things work out, this couple may eventually be more than just my friends, but we'll see how that goes ^^;) until about 10:30, then chat with them for a bit after that, usually until almost 11. Bedtime routine (wash face, brush teeth, etc etc). Then stare at drafts until midnight when I realize I need to get to bed because I know I'll be up earlier than I need to be. Then the weekends have consisted a lot of babysitting, running errands, and trying to finish unpacking here and there because it's been 4 months and finding time to unpack has been a pain in the ass with everything that's constantly going on. Also, I spent 3 hours on Saturday putting together a kitchen cabinet- thankfully we have extra screwdrivers because the phillip's-head screwdriver they included was such bad quality that it was messed up and unusable less than half an hour in because the metal of it was so soft -_-

ANYWAY- Work both shifts the rest of the week (except Friday, but only because I don't have to do the second shift, still have the first). Saturday we're going out for my dad's birthday (which was actually last week, but we couldn't make things work for going out last weekend like we'd wanted to). Saturday night is also game night, as usual. Then Sunday I *should* have some free time, but I also desperately need to get some cleaning done that's being semi-neglected throughout the week. So what I'm saying is Sundays are chore days.

If things go well, I should, soon, only be working the first shift in another week or two (with the second shift just being Fridays and when absolutely needed)? Right now both my sister and I are stuck doing the second shift every night (and have been since before mid-winter break last month) because the custodial staff is down two people (one girl broke her leg and has been out since October, I think? And the other has been on temporary (paid) probation since early February while they consider whether or not to fire him and go through all the legal jargon of all of that). But they should be coming to a decision about that soon, I would hope, which would mean that if he gets to come back, then we won't be working nights unless someone calls out. And if he doesn't come back, then they should be hiring someone to fill his place so we'll just have to wait until someone snags the job (hopefully, in that case, they'll offer it to my sister first because usually they try to offer it to substitutes and she really wants it, but we'll see). They're also slowly running out of budget for substitutes, so, that's something to consider, too.

ANYWAY- TL;DR: I've basically had no writing time / personal time and that's why I've not been around. Hopefully work stuff will calm down soon because leaving the house around 9:30am and not really getting to be home until usually after 7:30pm (sometimes 8:30pm or 9:30pm) has been exhausting ^^;

I'll try to be around on Sunday (probably focus on Rogue's blog because I've been writing the fic in my head at work most nights so I have a lot of muse for her AND her blog has been sorely neglected for at least a few months now WHICH MAKES ME SO MAD AT MYSELF). If I can even get one or two asks done, then I'll consider that an accomplishment at this point!

I'm so sorry about the long absence. I'm sorry to everyone for neglecting replies. I'm sorry to everyone I was writing with and haven't had the time / social and physical energy / emotional capacity to reach back out to in a while. That's on me. I dropped the ball on that. I've never been good at ooc communication anyway, tbh. I was really hoping things would be a little bit calmer after I moved, but instead they went in exactly the opposite direction and haven't really slowed down any since November. In fact, they've just gotten more hectic over the last few months ^^;

I adore you all so much and I really do hope that I can get back to writing soon. I've been missing it (and all of you) terribly.

Take care and I'll try to be around soon <3))

[glittergutts]

I swear to God if I have another shitty day I'm just going to hibernate.

I had a nice workout this morning, probably one of my best speeds, which is not something I normally look at, but it's cool that my speed is improving with my strength. My heart was thumping hard when I got done.

I'm going to have a cup of mushroom coffee to really get caffinated and hopefully not end up depression napping, at least until much later today.

I picked out a cute long sleeve dress to put on after I finish my workout/chores and get a shower. I woke up in a mood again and just want to look cute for my husband, and hopefully, we can have some alone time after the kids are in bed. I feel like I think that almost every day, and it almost never happens mostly because I fall asleep or Chris is having trouble with the necrosis in his hips. It seems like the stars never align for us to get physical and I'm just a little tired of it so maybe tonight I'll do something about it so I can at least get it out my mind for a little bit. Anyways enough about my sex life..

I'm going to try to get the kids working on school early because yesterday we had a really late start and it felt like it took all day even though it took the normal amount of time. I'm surprised at how easy it's been to homeschool both kids, we have things we all do together and things they do separately and it's working out beautifully. I asked Ellie how homeschool was compared to her last year at private school and she had only good things to say about learning from home. It made me feel so good and like I am in fact doing the right thing for my children's education. ☺️

I'm feeling pretty ambitious, so I'm finally going to look up a workout video on YouTube. Mostly because I don't feel like I know what I'm doing or how long I should do anything, so some guidance would be cool, and it's free, unlike a personal coach or trainer or whatever. I want to feel sore after a good workout. I haven't felt anything in weeks. I'm trying to up my weights a few pounds because they don't feel like they're doing very much. I hope I can get those soon. I need to go find my medicine ball so I can start using that again. I was really into my fitness about 7 years ago and so was Chris so we bought some weights and resistance bands I still don't know how to use and some other things. We got my elliptical from a sporting store that was closing for like 100$ and that's the only reason I have that. But even before I was only lifting 5lbs weights and using the elliptical for short periods of time. I'm doing so much more and feeling so much stronger than before this time. I'm just feeling determined to love my body again and suddenly I'm extremely insecure. Probably that lady that asked if I was pregnant just made me feel fat and gross and it hurt my feelings in a big way because it's not the first time I've heard that comment. The medication I take has ruined my body while saving my mind and it sucks so bad to have to choose because of course my mental health matters way more than how I look but feeling bad about myself is bad for my brain too so idfk. I feel stuck like this and it's so frustrating.

Ok I guess that's everything on my mind right now. Tomorrow is my 18 months clean and anniversaries always make me feel so strange.

[gertrudepetronella-blog]

Meet the author I guess?

Thanks to @severusobserver for tagging me, I'm not going to continue the thread, because frankly these things confuse me and I usually forget what everyone has said, but it was cool to see some stuff you're into, so here's a window into my brain too:

Three ships:

Severella/ Crowprince

This is Severus x my oc Petronella Blishwick. Of course it has to be my top one, because I love her. I generally don't like other people's snapexocs and often find the ofc's to be a bit... lame (sorry no hate just my personal taste). Petra is a self proclaimed weirdo, a bit grumpy like Snape himself, loves her punk and metal music, has elemental powers that sometimes get out of hand, and is neurodivergent. Their relationship is so full of trust and understanding of each other's quirks. It's the relationship I wish I could have irl basically. Head over to @princeandcrow for more.

Snupin/ Wolfprince

I love love love this ship. If it weren't for the above they would be my otp. I have three (I think) published fics for my boys now, with a couple more I'm working on. It's enemies to lovers, it's unrequited pining, it's angst and fear of rejection, it's opposites attract finding they actually have a lot in common, and so much more. And I cannot deny that the smut is 🥵😈💀🖤

Snack/ Starprince

I have not fully got into this yet, partly because I just don't have space if that makes sense? I feel like it's a more extreme version of Snupin in a way. The angst is heightened, the enemies to lovers, hate sex, potential for hurt etc. But in so many ways Severus and Sirius are like a mirror or two sides of the same coin. They were both abused, they both take their issues out on others, they even have similar looks (sometimes in fanart it's guessing game of is this snape or sirius?!) I have read a few fics which I loved and have two of my own in the works, but I don't know when they'll come to fruition.

First Ship:

Severitus. Not technically a ship I guess, but I'm following your lead with the platonic ships. This was what got me into fanfics. I don't know if it was what the author intended, but I think Snape and Harry have such father/son vibes in canon. Snape's like a very traditional strict parent in a lot of ways (not saying it's good or healthy but?). I like reading angsty Severitus where Snape is very prickly, but when it comes to writing I always end up making him kinda soft.

Last song:

Lost Myself by Longpigs, because I used it in the fic I just published! It also resonates with me a lot and my feelings towards relationships. But generally at the moment it's Slipknot and Tool on repeat. Particularly Disasterpieces which literally saved my mental health from a difficult situation recently.

Last Movie:

Suicide Squad with my daughter. She simps over the Joker, but hates Snape. Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️. I love Harley Quinn and Katana though. Can't remember the last film I watched for myself, but I got 5 Centimetres Per Second for my bday, so hopefully watch that soon.

Currently Reading:

Working my way through the back catalogue of snupin on Ao3. Part way through a history book about the lost library of Matthias Corvinus (still). Top of my pile to read next is Colourless Tsukuru Tazaki by Haruki Murakami.

Currently Watching:

About half way through Midnight Mass and loving it big time. Only problem is I'm usually so tired at the end of the evening, or if not trying to write, and I need to be awake and focused because it's so good. Totally simping on the Sheriff.

Currently Drinking:

Just finished my morning coffee. Lots of herbal tea because it is very cold. Opened a bottle of Voignier last night which is 😋

Currently Craving:

Time alone. If I could just pause the rest of the world for a few weeks/months and spend all day every day writing, that'd be grand. Oh, did you mean food? I love food but as I pretty much always have to cook for myself it gets tiring and is such a chore. Maybe a meal out. Without any other people. But also actual sex with a real life person. Too much information? 😅

[bell-arina271]

Day 8 of Building Elsa’s Ice Palace

I’m so frustrated. I’m sleeping too much but not enough. Since I can’t get the uninterrupted 7-8 hours of sleep, I sleep for longer and will conk out for almost 12 hours. But it’s not full “sleep”, just like a bunch of naps strung together, so I’m still tired and don’t feel refreshed or anything. It’s really frustrating and I hope I can get some answers soon.

I scheduled a home inspection for next week, hopefully that will be good enough as far as time goes. You need to get everything done within a certain time period according to the contract and for everything to close properly. Will put it down in my planner just in case.

I had to gulp down a shot of coffee to try to keep myself awake for this. I just need a homeowners insurance quote, then I should have all my stuff in order for the house. After that it will be a case of just biding my time and trying not to buy anything until the sale closes lol.

Whoops, wait, spoke too soon, I have the official documents I need to send to my lender. Pic of my driver’s license, and then my pay stubs. Got a lot to do before I relax lol.

Thankfully they don’t really take too long, just a few minutes. Answering all the questions for the home insurance quote takes longer. I’ll hear back from the people by tomorrow at least.

For now I can jut finish up a couple chores and supervise the pups. They’re warming up to people, so look like our socialization strategies are working.

I spent the day finishing up chores, and shopping for tableware and dinner sets online. I have a good theme going if I want to stick with the Elsa Ice Palace theme, but I’ll need something different if I end up going with the “white royal” theme. I need to appeal to a wider audience for this particular venture, right? Plus it needs to be something that looks good year round. Maybe I need something “neutral”, furniture and accessories that kind of work for both ideas.

I found the absolute perfect table set that works for both ideas- but it’s almost $2000 and I can’t make any major purchases before the close of the house. I wouldn’t mind, but there’s a limited quantity and only a few left. I’ll just have to keep my fingers crossed and hope they’ll still be there by next month.

Today I spent hours shopping and bookmarking. I’m so picky for what I want and it’s hard to find the exact taste and style I’m looking for. But I found the major things I want for the main floor of the house- bed frame, the dining table and chairs, a couch and a TV stand. I haven’t even looked at washing and drying machines and fridges yet.

I can’t buy all the furniture I want right away, because furniture is expensive, but I can at least get the limited quantity ones- or those that are on sale or clearance, before they sell out. Stuff that will make the house GORGEOUS and make people WANT to stay there, you know?

But of course, that’s only assuming people will be traveling to my area anyway. It’s not a super popular city, and travel is expensive nowadays. Maybe I’m too late to cash in on the hospitality hype lol.

Well, at least my house will be pretty and I can take nice pictures. That’ll count for something, I’m sure.

[thethreeeyed-raven]

DIARY OF A LOVESICK GIRL

pairing : Carlos Madrigal x fem!Reader

warnings : none

Carlos was just walking around the insufferable town of Encanto, like he did everyday.

Everything and everyone was normal. People giving him judgemental stares and whispers, people doing their chores.

Until he ran into you. You were rushing your deliveries, your hand-made bag Mirabel had made for you slung over your shoulder. The flap was open, but you didn't notice as you were too busy carrying a large basket full of pastries.

Carlos eyed you as you sped towards him. Your eyes widened as you knew what was about to happen, but you couldn't stop it. So instead, you just let fate happen. You toppled on top of him, pastries going all over the floor. The things in your bag had joined the pastries, you scurried to pick everything up, forgetting one thing.

Your diary.

You hadn't noticed that you had forgotten to pick it up, but Carlos had. So he quickly swiped the notebook before you could notice. He got up and brushed himself off, a scowl painting his features.

"I am so sorry. I couldn't see where I was going. I have to go! I'm sorry again!" You said as you hurried off, not seeing the smirk Carlos had on his face.

The nearby villages paused stating at the interaction, "What are you all looking at?" Carlos shouted, they all turned away in fear.

He pulled out the notebook from under his maroon ruana and inspected the cover. It looked just like any other normal book, with a brown leather bounding and a black piece of ribbon to show where the owner had left off.

Carlos decided to wait until he got home to look at whatever was inside it. So he went off doing what we would usually do except for the fact he was hiding someone's diary (which luckily for Y/n, he didn't know it was a diary, yet).

It wasn't until dinner time you had realised you had lost your diary. You were peacefully eating your arepas when a thought suddenly popped into your head.

I wonder where my diary went, I'm sure I had it earlier.

And that's when it hit you, Oh no! I've lost my diary!

You panicked, accidently dropping your arepa and nearly choking. "Are you ok sweetie?" Your mother asked you. "I-I've lost my diary!" You belowed.

"I'm sure you'll find it soon mi vida." Your father tried to comfort you. "But I won't!" It was when you recognised the person you bumped into.

Carlos Madrigal, you thought.

Back at Casita, Carlos was in his room laid on his bed. He opened the book to the first page.

This book belongs to :

Y/n L/n

Y/n L/n huh? Carlos thought. Cute name.

He then flipped the page over.

22nd January 1954

Hola to anyone who is reading this, which is most likely no one ha...Anyway! Today was fun I guess, I finished all of my chores early which happens hardly ever, and Carlos Madrigal even noticed me! I was in the Casita Madrigal delivering pastries for Señora Julieta as I do twice a week and he walked into the kitchen. Well, the interaction wasn't at all exciting but he made by day with even just a glance. I have to go now, I'll write more later! Adiós!

Carlos hummed to himself in amusement.

10th February 1954

Hola! Today was kind of fun actually, dare I even say not boring. I didn't have to do my chores and Carlos interacted with me. All he did was knock my basket over but I know it was only an accident, hopefully. It's upsetting that the town only sees him as an annoying trouble maker when he is so much more than that. I think he is actually really sweet. Not in front of people, of course. Once, I saw him in the woods playing with some animals. I've never told anyone that though, so you shouldn't too. Oh! I've got to go, Adiós!

Wait, when was this?! Carlos asked himself. He decided not to read any further as he was getting tired and needed the sleep anyway to have lots of energy to annoy the villagers of Encanto.

[chocolate-parfait]

Heya! Not sure if I can ask this as a scenario, and if not go ahead and make this a headcanons! It's a bit complicated, so feel free to skip this if it's too much!

After some time MC came to the mansion she has had small moments of sadness and subtly avoiding the Van Gogh bothers. They eventually catch up on it but can't phantom why, until they hear her talking to Sebastian during some chores, saying how Theo and Vinc remind her of her and her own brother, and how for the good of both of them she will never see again.

Having a bit of a rough time and need some platonic fluff

Where the flowers bloom - Ikemen Vampire (Vincent & Theo) (Platonic)

pairing: Vincent x MC x Theo (platonic!!!!)

word count: 1.3k

cw/tw: fluff at the end <3

Sorry for the delay!😭 +I have never eaten a stamppot in my life I hope its not too much out of place,,🧎‍♀️

It was a rainy afternoon, and although the gloomy weather didn’t come unexpectedly, the air in the mansion was thick and oppressive. After lunch was finished, Theo made his way to his older brother’s room, hoping that witnessing his genius in action would relieve him of that weird feeling that had been following him around for days now. Hopefully, Vincent would have been able to ease the uneasiness he felt, and perhaps the two could solve together the issue that was bothering the both of them. In fact, although the art dealer considered himself to be quite experienced when it came to handling other people’s weaknesses, this time he had no solution in mind for how to solve the situation.

It had already been a few weeks ever since MC had arrived at the mansion, and it was as clear as day that her presence brightened everyone’s mood and brought all of them together. Nevertheless, the tightness of her smile never escaped the Dutch man’s observant gaze. In her eyes there always seemed to be a hint of something that went beyond logic, perhaps the expression of a suffering soul that could only be seen through the perceptiveness of an empathetic heart. Furthermore, as the days went by, this condition of hers seemed to worsen more and more, particularly when the girl found herself in the presence of the two brothers. Had Theo really been as ruthless as he wanted to appear, then maybe he wouldn’t have cared at all; but something, something suspiciously familiar was pulling at his heartstrings and stopping him from turning the other way.

Unsurprisingly, his brother had perfectly understood the situation as well, and it was only a matter of time before the two decided to openly discuss the issue amongst themselves.

“Theo, do you think we could have upset her by saying or doing something wrong?”

“I don’t know broer but… that doesn’t seem the case to me. She always seems so melancholic whenever we’re around...”

“Perhaps… Perhaps we should just ask her?” The painter’s azure eyes turned to the ground, pensive and clouded with worry, and his younger brother could not find it in himself to upset him even more.

The two men made their way through the mansion’s endlessly long hallways, heading both towards where they believed you to be. As one could expect, their vampire senses didn’t fail them, and soon they could hear your voice coming from behind the kitchen door. It was shaky, hesitant and filled with sadness, but still, it was undoubtedly yours.

“Sebastian I- …I don’t know what to do…” Were you about to reveal the secret behind your weird behavior? Vincent and Theo knew that eavesdropping was a wrong thing to do, but they were utterly out of clues about the whole situation. With a shared glance and a nod of the head, they inched closer to the door to hear you better, just like two children impatiently awaiting Santa Claus’ arrival.

“Have you tried talking to them about it, MC?” A calmer and steadier voice inquired. “Oh no, how could I? I can’t even face them, they remind me too much of me and my brother…” Moments of silence followed, interrupted by a trembling sigh. “Seeing how much they love each other, it only serves to remind me of how miserable I am”. Unbeknownst to them, you tightly gripped the now cold cup of tea in your hands, as Sebastian put a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Because you promised yourself not to see him anymore?” There it was. The root of the issue. You quietly hummed an affirmative response. “That's something I did for the both of us.”

A few days passed by after that gloomy day, and nothing much changed. At least, on the surface. Theo and Vincent had started going out more and more frequently, sparing you the sorrow that their presence awakened in your heart. They seemed more restless, always in a hurry and more avoidant than usual; even Arthur wasn’t able to give you an explanation when you asked him what the two were up to. You were glad they were giving you some space, but at the same time you felt bad. They probably thought you were extremely rude for always trying to avoid them, maybe now the Vang Goghs had enough of you and started keeping their distances themselves. Your feelings tangled up in a chaotic mess even more when, one day, you found a note on your bed.

Go to the hill at XX park where the hydrangeas bloom. Come alone.

Had someone from the mansion written that letter? The printed words would spare you no clues as to who their original owner was nor anything about their real intentions. The possibilities of something going wrong were many, but although anxiety flooded over you, an invisible force pushed you to go and see for yourself. Before leaving, you made sure to tell Comte about the card, just to make sure he knew about your location in case anything happened. Although he offered to accompany you, you politely turned him down; a little voice in your head told you that it was something you had to deal with by yourself.

As you stepped down the carriage, your feet were immediately carrying you over the place indicated by the letter. You remembered it very well, after all you, Dazai and Isaac would visit the place every now and then. The cherry-haired man was usually forced to come along by the Japanese poet, who would take the both of you on a stroll all the way to the top of the hill, the place with the best view in the whole park. These outings helped you take your mind off your brother, so you greatly appreciated the effort of the two vampires.

The familiar scenery now appeared from behind the countless hydrangea bushes, blooming right in front of your eyes. However, no scary gang of thugs nor bloodthirsty criminals were waiting for you. Instead, two heads turned to look at you. ���Took you long enough, Knabbeltje” Was it a…picnic…? “Ah, MC! I’m so glad you came!” By the time Vincent came to usher you towards the blanket that lay on the grass, your head was swimming in a sea of confusion. “What are you two doing here?” As you sat across them, Theo handed you a plate with a serving of stamppot, a traditional Dutch dish. “What do you mean What are you two doing here; you read the letter, didn’t you?” You recalled the contents of the note that was left on your bed, perplexity surfacing all over your features. “I’m sorry we didn’t invite you directly, MC.” The older brother filled you a glass of water. “It’s just that… we weren’t sure you would have accepted our invite if you knew who we were.”

Your doubts had now been confirmed: the brothers noticed your weird behavior and it affected them. Your chest tightened with guilt; just because they reminded you of your brother you had no right to treat them in such an unpolite way. You lowered your gaze, staring at the nearby strands of grass. “It’s because I’ve been avoiding you both, isn’t it? I’m sor-“. A deep voice suddenly cut you off. “You don’t have to say sorry.” Theo then softened his tone. “You must have your reasons, and it’s fine, you don’t have to tell us anything of what happened.” A warm hand reached for your now freezingly cold one. “Yes, MC, Theo’s right. Whatever it is that is troubling you, we hope that you can find happiness in spite of it. And if you ever need a hand or a shoulder to cry on, we’ll always be here for you.”

Vincent’s words brought spring in your hardened heart, as hot droplets of tears pooled in your eyes. The gentle expressions of the two men in front of you dazzled under the sun, whisking away all the heavy clouds that constantly darkened your mind. Despite all the thousands of words you could say to convey what you were feeling, only two words found their way out of your lips, and they were more than enough.

“Thank you.”

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 19 “Quick Session” [Episode List]

Dave comes back from work and he’s late for a date with Dana. To make things worse, he can’t find a gift he bought for her anywhere. Tim helps… and Dave decides to thank him with a quick treat (or… threat?).

Want to feel like Tim? Click on the links in the story to hear the power of Dave's farts!

POV: Tim

Quick Session

I was doing some chores in the living room (I finished working earlier) when I heard Dave hastily open the front door and step inside the house. 

“Honey, I’m home.” he said, speed-walking through the room and heading directly upstairs.

“*sigh* We don’t talk like we used to.” I replied, faking a sad tone of voice.

Dave had a busy day at work and in fact he got home a bit later than usual. He has a date with Dana tonight so he’s in a rush. I soon heard noises coming from the bathroom upstairs, a sign that he was speed running through his pre-date preparations. Did he at least take his clothes off before stepping into the shower? The guy was going fast.

I was instead having a pretty normal day. I finished working early as I said, so I started doing some chores around the house, then I’ll get a pizza and fire up some Entflix for the night. Yep, don’t be too envious, dear reader, but that’s what living like a King feels like.

I made myself comfortable on our trusted couch and reached for my tablet, ready to enjoy the free time I earned today, but before I could aimlessly browse Entflix’s catalog, I heard Dave coming downstairs. He looked like he was panicking for some reason.

“Dude you ok?” I asked.

“I’m freaking out man.” he said. “I have to be at Dana’s place in like 30 minutes…”

Dana has been Dave’s girlfriend for years at this point, so clearly he wasn’t nervous about just seeing her. We still call them “dates” but when you’re this far in a relationship you’re just a couple hanging out.

“And?” I asked again, trying to understand why he was being so nervous.

“And I can’t find it, Tim!”

“What? Your dick?” I very maturely joked.

“The necklace, you dickhead!” Dave replied.

“I don’t think it’d look good on you to be honest.” 

“Can you be serious for one second?”

When Dave, of all people, tells me to be serious, maybe it’s time to listen.

“I bought a gift for Dana, it’s nothing, it’s not even her birthday, but it’s a necklace she talked about some months ago and so I finally got one.” Dave explained.

“Aw… you’re adorable.” I guess I really want my bro to punch me today.

He scoffed and just started rummaging through the room. “We have to find it.”

“Wait.” it’s actually not the first time he talked about this. “Isn’t it the same necklace that-“

“YES.” he cut me off. “It’s the one YOU reminded me to look for ‘cause I already couldn’t find it two weeks ago.” his was clearly annoyed. “So if you go ‘I told you so’ I’m gonna punch you.”

Here we are, readers. It’s gonna happen. “So violent.” I joked.

“You leave me no choice! I’d threaten you with my farts but it’s not even a threat in your case.” he joked back, finally a glimpse of a smile drawn on his face, a smirk of someone who knows he just landed a low blow.

“Let’s…” I said, trying not to stutter like an idiot. “Let’s just find the thing.”

Dave joking around my kink somehow pulled me back into the real world ‘cause I was just now noticing that my friend was wearing a pair of jeans and white sneakers, and quite tight white shirt. It’s not like Dave was super muscular or anything, but he did have a nice body figure, and the shirt helped. Average yet good-looking, which my eyes appreciated.

We (well… I) then fully focused on looking for this necklace. We split up and as quickly as possible searched the whole house (it wasn’t as big as it looks, fortunately). The more minutes passed, the more Dave seemed to get nervous. He also got a message on his phone, which didn’t help (hopefully not work-related). He wasn’t angry or anything but he wasn’t in a good mood that’s for sure, almost like he didn’t want to disappoint Dana -this is more about him than his girlfriend though, as he wanted to buy her something for months.

Rummaging through the things I just put in order kind of hurt, but thinking like a housewife actually helped! As we ended up back into the living room, I’ve had a lightbulb moment.

“Wait.” I said. “We are not looking for the necklace itself, right?”

Dave turned to me, still nervous. “No genius we’re looking for a-“

“A tiny blue box?” I cut him off this time, looking at him with the all smug aura I could muster.

My friend’s eyes opened wide in disbelief, as if I started flying in front of him. “Where is it?”

I was ready to have a long monologue about how the house was a mess and how me doing “those boring chores” saved his life today, but I didn’t want to gloat that much, so I just pointed at the small desk (at its drawer, actually) by the front door, explaining that I found the box earlier today without realising what it was, and how I put it inside said drawer.

When Dave opened the drawer and reached for it, he let out a loud sigh of relief, holding it as if it was The One Ring. He put both his hands on the small desk and stood there for almost 30 seconds, in silence. He then finally turned around, sporting his usual smile.

“Thanks bro.” he said. He was in a good mood again.

He (carefully) left the box on the desk and stepped back into the living room, and we both collapsed on the couch.

“That was close” he turned to me, casually touching my shoulder. “Thanks again.”

“Now, I don’t want to say ‘I told you so’, but-“

But nothing. It was Dave’s turn again to cut me off, the way he does best. Spreading his jeans-clad legs, he simply ripped a loud, relatively short fart. Despite being ripped directly on the couch, the sound was actually quite clear.

He just stared at me, waiting for my awkward reaction, sporting a silly smirk on his face, his classic “I’m gonna tease you now” smirk. It was just a game for him, which I both hated and appreciated.

“Isn’t Dana waiting for you?” I said, my voice cracking only sixteen times.

“Actually.” he chuckled. “She texted me a few minutes ago. She’s gonna be late, we have time…”

“We…?” I asked, but I knew where this was heading… of course it was.

Dave laughed again and he adjusted his position on the couch, lying down, as if I wasn’t even there: he wrapped his long legs around me and pulled me down, as he showed off his jeans-clad ass in my direction, with my face ending up really close to it. A familiar view, yet I’ll never get used to it.

“So yeah I can threaten you a bit, but clearly I’m not gonna punch you… so guess what?”

He raised his legs just enough to fully showoff that denim ass in front of me, as if he wanted to make sure that my face was perfectly aligned to that. I could see my friend’s smirk while he narrowed his eyes as he started to push, one of those difficult “post-work farts” that sometimes are too big to be ripped all at once.

But for Dave, that was almost effortless: the fart was huge and loud, and I could feel the vibrations all over the couch and, well, my face. I tried to keep my eyes open as the ass roared in front of me, closely inspecting the seams and textures of Dave’s jeans, and even that small red tag on his right pocket. 

As I said, I’ll never get used to how lucky I am.

The fart lasted 11 seconds and the silence was only broken by Dave’s whistling in relief, well aware of how big that was. 

“Feeling threatened yet?” my bud joked.

If by “threatened” he meant “horny” then yes, absolutely.

“Maybe you should just punch me.” I replied.

Dave laughed and once again adjusted his position a bit, making sure that his denim ass was in front of me.

“Believe me, you’ll wish I was punching you after this one.” there, that smirk again. “Ready?” 

I was not, but it’s not like I had the time to think about it, as my face was once again blasted with a second, loud rip. I thought he was done, but his ass just wanted to me feel stupid -then again, he’s Dave, he’s *never* done.

This one was a bit shorter, around 9 seconds, but felt like ages. I backed just a bit to have a better view of that wall of jeans in front of me and my friend’s face who, as usual, was amused by me being still awkward (and, well, with my face literally in his ass). At this point he wasn’t holding me down with his legs anymore, but it’s not like he needed to.

“Hold on.” he suddenly said. He looked around, as if he was waiting for some kind of signal, said “signal” being sure that what he was brewing was yet another big one. He looked back at me, smirk drawn on his face. “I think I feel another one coming…” he almost whispered.

As he said that, he lied down on the couch even more, planting his ass on my face. The jeans’ seams and textures tickled my nose, the stench of the previous blasts burning my nostrils. But I felt it, I felt him pushing one more out, and he did deliver, as usual.

Yet another loud, long fart, up close and personal, even more than the previous ones. Almost made me deaf, the sudden thunder making my face shake. I swear at one point it sounded like a car engine going fast, really fast.

The longest fart for today, Dave saving the best for last as usual.

I guess this way his own way to thank for helping him… but I’m pretty sure he was gonna blast my face soon or later anyway. He knows I like, he know’s it’s gross, but he can’t help to find… me, hilarious. Disgustingly hilarious.

As the fart faded into silence, Dave adjusted his position again, this time setting me free as he sat down normally on the couch. I did the same, hoping he’d ignore my startled face… which he did, since he was checking his phone as if nothing happened.

“Fuck.” he said. “Dana texted me again. She’s waiting for me.” 

He quickly got up and ran towards the front door. I followed him, making sure my boner didn’t get in the way.

I tried to speak normally. “I thought she was late?”.

“She was, and then she texted me she wasn’t anymore, but I couldn’t hear my phone because apparently my farts are just too loud for both of us.” he explained, trying not to laugh like an idiot as he finished the sentence.

“Dave…” I simply said. I was ready to say my usual awkward “Thank you”, as I tried to hide my boner, but instead I went for the kill. “I told you so…”

My bro reaction was quick: he immediately punched me on my shoulder.

“Told ya I was gonna punch you.” he said, winking, as he stepped outside and closed the door behind me.

“You never said so!” gotta work on my comebacks.

For being a quick session, Dave sure took his time to rip some pretty long farts. I guess he really likes to threaten me.

End of Episode 19

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

harry and his wife going to a birthing class would be so precious !!

imagine him asking all the questions wanting to be informed as much as possible !! + him bragging to the other new parents about how proud he is of you for carrying his baby!! and him rubbing your belly throughout the class(!!) he’d be so nervous after watching a birth video knowing that you’ll have to go through that soon but he’d be so happy knowing at the end of it all you’ll have your baby (i re watched the snl skit and i couldn’t resist 🥺🥺)

soon to be dad!harry is my favorite thing ever :)

birthing class

warnings: none

word count: 3.2k

"Are you almost ready, love?" Harry called from the living room. "I'm coming!" you replied, struggling to lean down. You had finally reached the point in your pregnancy where you couldn't get your shoes on by yourself. Huffing, you kicked the tennis shoes back to your closet and grabbed a pair of crocs from the shelf. Not the most fashionable, sure, but they fit and they were comfortable. Good enough.

"I'm ready," you said, grabbing your water bottle from the table. "Couldn't get my shoes on." "Oh, I could have helped you!" He cooed, looking guilty. You had to refrain from rolling your eyes. It was sweet that he was so attentive, but it was also getting really annoying.  He acted like you were made of glass. He didn't let you do anything anymore. At first you had been fine with it- after all, you weren't about to complain that he was suddenly jumping to do the chores around the house. But sometimes you missed your independence. "It's fine, Harry," you sighed. "I figured it out. I am a very resourceful woman." "You are," he grinned, grabbing the keys from the bowl by the door. "My incredible wife." "Oh yes, I'm so incredible for putting on a pair of crocs," you said, this time not stopping yourself from rolling your eyes. His happy expression didn't change as he ushered you out the door. That was one other thing- he had been incredible throughout this whole thing. He didn't get annoyed when you snapped at him or cried at random things or woke him up in the middle of the night because you were hungry. He just kept that happy smile on his face, or rubbed your back, or went to find something to satisfy your cravings. You were more thankful than you could ever explain. "So, are you excited?" You asked him, already in a better mood as you buckled your seatbelt. He didn't mention your mood swings, another thing you were very thankful for. "I am," he admitted as he backed out of the driveway. "I'm gonna ask all the questions. I'm gonna learn how to be the best birthing partner you've ever seen." "Please don't refer to yourself as my birthing partner," you shook your head. "It's super weird." "Alright, uh... baby... delivery... support?" "Baby delivery support? Really?" You raised your eyebrows, crossing your arms over your chest. "Well, is it better than birthing partner?" He grinned. "Not much," you said, unable to hold back your laugh. "Why are you taking this so seriously?" "Of course I'm taking this seriously. It's learning how to bring our baby girl into the world. Very important stuff," he said, grabbing your hand and kissing the back of it. "Yeah, but I'm just gonna get an epidural. I honestly don't know if we need this class." "Too late, we're already here," he said, flashing a cheeky smile as he pulled into the hospital parking lot. “Let’s go learn how to have a baby!”

-----

"Hello everyone!" The instructor chirped. She was way too cheery. "Please, choose a yoga mat. Partner sits behind mom." "See?" Harry nudged you, leaning closer to whisper in your ear. "Partner. Birthing partner. I was right." "Shut up," you huffed, elbowing him lightly. "You know I'm right," he grinned, pressing a light kiss to your ear. You did know he was right, but you would never admit it to him. So you just shook your head, leading him over to the closest yoga mat. He helped you get comfortable before he settled himself behind you, putting his legs on either side of yours and resting his hands on your belly. He put his chin on your shoulder, looking down at his hands on you. "Did you feel that?" He asked excitedly. You smiled at the fluttering feeling inside you, putting your hands over his and guiding them to where the movement was strongest. "She does that every time you talk," you informed him, tilting your head to look at him. "Really?" He grinned, looking so boyishly happy that you couldn't help but smile with him. You nodded. "She already loves you." "Well that's good, because I already love her too." You smiled at this, tilting your head more to press a gentle kiss to his lips. Before you could get too carried away, you were pulled from your sweet moment by the instructor clapping loudly. "Alright everyone, it's time to get started!" She announced, taking her place at the front of the room. "First we'll go around the room and introduce ourselves. Then I want you to say the thing you're looking forward to most in this class. I'll start: I'm Sandy, and I'm most excited to answer all of your questions, and hopefully ease any fears or anxiety you may be having." She gestured toward you and Harry next. You smiled, waving to the other couples in the room. "Hello, I'm Y/N. I'm most excited to learn about epidurals and how to go about getting one." This got a small chuckle from the others in the room, and several knowing looks and nods from the other moms. "I'm Harry," he said, lifting his hand from under yours to give a small wave. "And I'm most excited to learn about how to support my wife during the rest of her pregnancy and the delivery." Sandy nodded. "Both excellent things to learn about. Who would like to go next?" "Aw, you're sweet," you whispered, leaning back against him. "What a good husband you're being." "Please, I'm always a good husband," he grinned, turning his head to kiss your cheek. "I'm just better than everyone else here, so I look really good by comparison." You reached back to smack his shoulder playfully. "Be nice, we haven't even heard from any of the other dads yet. For all you know, one of them could totally blow your answer out of the water." "I seriously doubt it," he scoffed, speaking in a low voice so he wouldn't interrupt anyone. "Look at them. That one looks ready to bolt. Keeps eyeing the door. That one over there looks like he's gonna be sick just looking at the diagrams of the female body. And that last one- well, he actually looks fine." Just as Harry finished analyzing everyone in the room, the last man spoke. "I'm Lucas, and I'm most excited for Kristen here to have some questions answered. She's been so freaked out the whole time, it's getting ridiculous. It's like, babe, I don't know either! Why are you asking me?" Harry leaned closer to speak in your ear again. "Nevermind, maybe he's not fine." You tried very hard to keep your laughter to yourself, mostly because you felt bad for Kristen.   Sandy seemed a bit stunned by his blunt answer, pausing slightly before she regained her chirpy tone. "Um... yes! All very good goals. Let's get into it then!" Harry stretched his arms out in front of you, cracking his knuckles. "Alright, get ready for me to be the best baby delivery support you've ever seen," he said into your ear. "Lucas wishes he could be as good as me." You rolled your eyes, but you couldn't keep the smile off your face. You felt very lucky to have such an attentive husband, one who was even more excited for birthing classes than you

were. There was no one else you would rather have by your side. "First, we're going to go over some breathing exercises. Now, you may be thinking "I don't need to learn how to breathe, I do it every day!" but you may be surprised how much regulating your air can help with relaxation and pain relief. So, get comfortable. Moms, rest on your partner behind you. Let them support you. Partner, your job here is to hold them up and keep your breathing even. You can place your hands wherever feels comfortable. This may be on their belly, or legs, or even holding their hands." "I'm keeping my hands right here," Harry whispered, placing his hands in their previous position, right over where your baby was kicking. "Now, everyone follow me as I take a deep breath in..." She inhaled exaggeratedly, raising her arms up in the air, before she spoke again. "Then exhale," she lowered her arms. "Repeat this a few times. Inhale... and exhale." You could feel Harry's chest moving at her prompts, and you matched with him. You wouldn't tell him (his ego was already big enough) but his presence was extremely soothing. He made you feel so safe, and you were much less worried than you had been before. You usually played it off with jokes and sarcasm, but you had been pretty anxious about the delivery process. But with Harry behind you, holding you and staying so calm, you felt like everything would be just fine. After a few minutes of this, Sandy brought her arms down one final time. "Excellent! How are we feeling after this? Hopefully more relaxed." "I feel very relaxed," you said quietly, tipping your head back against Harry's shoulder. "You're good at this." "I told you," he smirked. "I have a very soothing personality." "Very soothing," you agreed. "Alright, for our next activity, we're going to go through some birthing positions. In fact, you are already sitting in an ideal position, but there are others that can be more comfortable. So partners, help mom stand up, and we'll get the birthing balls." She gestured over to the corner, where there were large exercise balls lined up. Harry helped you up slowly, making sure you were steady before he went to retrieve one. He set the ball down behind you, helping you settle yourself on it. He placed his hands on your shoulders, looking up to the front for the next set of instructions. "All you have to do for this one is bounce slightly. This can help decrease back pain, and relieve pressure in your pelvis and abdomen. It can even shorten the process of labor." You did as she said, bouncing a little. "Having fun there?" Harry smiled, looking down at you. "So much fun," you quipped. "I could do this all day." After a few more minutes on the ball, and then learning several other positions, you were ready for a break. Thankfully, the other expectant mothers seemed to feel the same, and Sandy noticed. "Why don't we take a few minutes, just talk with your partner or some other couples, and then we'll regroup after that." She said, leaving you to your own devices for the time being. You sighed, leaning against Harry again. You were in the same position as you had been while doing the breathing exercises, and so were the other couples. You turned to the couple to your left, deciding to start a conversation. "How has the whole pregnancy thing been for you?" You asked. "Honestly, not too bad," the woman, whose name you had learned was Chloe, informed you. "I think William has been more stressed than I have." She patted his shoulder with a small smile. He grinned sheepishly behind her. He was the one Harry had said looked ready to bolt, but he looked much more relaxed now. "Hey, don't blame me, I'm just trying to stay informed. It's not my fault I keep stumbling upon all these horrible things." You laughed at this. "Harry's the same way. Aren't you, baby?" He smiled, blushing lightly. "He's right, there's a lot of horrible things. It's a bit scary, if I'm being honest." "Right!" William said, eyes going wide. "But it's not like I'm going to say anything about it, I'm not the

one giving birth." "Exactly!" Harry nodded. His hands were absentmindedly rubbing over your belly, so light that you weren't even sure he was aware of it. "We should have met up sooner, mate. We have a lot in common. But someone didn't want to come to the birthing class." You smiled, hitting his arm playfully. "I didn't think it was worth it, but I'm kind of glad you convinced me. This has been pretty helpful." "Chloe didn't want to come either," William laughed. "I think she just gave in because I was so stressed." "Yeah, I was sick of you freaking out every five minutes," she joked, leaning back against him. "Not every five minutes," he rolled his eyes. "Maybe every other day. Maybe." "Mhm," she narrowed her eyes at him, before they both broke into smiles. Harry kissed your cheek again, nuzzling his nose against you. "What are you doing?" You giggled, turning your head away from his tickling touch. "I just love you so much," He said quietly. "You're amazing." He spoke a little louder then, directing it toward Chloe and William. "She really is amazing, though. She had the worst morning sickness. But you got through it, didn't you?" He smiled, kissing your cheek again. "My amazing wife." Chloe nodded. "Mine was terrible in the first trimester. We almost had to go in to the hospital once, I was so dehydrated. Couldn't keep anything down." "That's how mine was, too. The only thing I could stand to eat was pickles." "Which is odd, since you used to hate pickles," Harry reminded you. "I did," you laughed. "But then one night I woke up and just had to have them. We didn't even have any in the house, Harry had to go out at three in the morning to get me some." William smiled. "I did quite a bit of that, too. Babies have weird cravings, don't they?" You and Chloe both nodded. "But I'm very thankful for my lovely husband, who is willing to get up and go to the store in the middle of the night for me," you smiled. This time it was you who kissed Harry's cheek. "Anything for my love," he said, blushing again. "Are we ready to get started again?" Sandy asked, raising her voice over the chatter in the room. "We just have a few more activities. Next, we'll go over how to put a diaper on a baby." "Oh, I'm so ready for this," Harry said quietly. He wasn't lying. He had been practicing for at least five months. When he first found out you were pregnant, he had gone to the store and bought a baby doll and a pack of diapers. He had carried the doll all over the house with him, figuring out the best way to hold it and rock it and burp it and- most importantly- diaper it. He was basically an expert at this point. Two baskets were passed around- one full of dolls, and one with diapers. Harry had the diaper on your baby before Sandy even gave any instructions. He looked up at you, incredibly proud of himself. "Good job," you smiled. "You're an expert." "Pretty much," he nodded. "I'm basically ready to be a father, I think." "Definitely," you agreed. Once everyone had figured out this step, Sandy informed it was time to move on to the last activity. "Lastly, we will be watching the miracle of life video. You might have seen this in your high school health class, but it's never a bad idea to revisit this, just for an idea of what to expect." Harry, who had been very calm and collected during this class, suddenly seemed nervous. He shifted around, tightening his arms around you and laying his chin on your shoulder again. "You alright?" You whispered, putting your hands on his forearms. He nodded, his eyes glued to the screen as the video started. You could practically feel his eyes going wide as you watched the baby being born. Each time you glanced back at him, he had the same look of mild horror on his face. Once it was over, and the woman onscreen was holding her baby, he seemed calm again. "If there are no questions, I think we'll wrap up for today," Sandy said as she turned off the TV. "Thank you all for coming! I hope you learned a lot and had some of your fears eased." "Um, I have a question,"

Harry said meekly. "How does... um... I can't help but notice... that baby's head seemed... much too large to come out of such a small place." Your face felt like it was on fire as he spoke. Your dropped your head, resting it in your hands as the instructor turned to look at him. "I just don't... what if the baby gets stuck?" "Oh my god," you mumbled, shaking your head. "Actually, that's a question many new parents have," Sandy assured him. You finally lifted your head, noticing many of the other dads were paying close attention. They seemed to have the same thought in their minds, but apparently only Harry was bold enough to actually say anything. "It can seem very scary, but the skin in that area is made to stretch in this way. Some women do have tearing, but this happens less often now that doctors know how to properly support the area. And as for the worry of the baby getting stuck, that's also something that happens very rarely. There are several methods doctors can use to deliver the baby in that case. But you really don't have to worry too much; your wife is in excellent hands. Our doctors here are first rate, and they are highly trained to handle any kind of complications." Harry nodded, looking much less worried as helped you stand up. You both waved at the couple you had made friends with, before thanking the instructor and making your way out the door. You shook your head as he opened your car door for you. "Really, Harry?" you sighed as he got in and buckled his seatbelt. "What if the baby gets stuck?" "Hey, it's a valid question!" He defended himself as he backed out of the parking spot. "You heard her. It's a question that many new parents have." You shook your head again, but didn't say anything back. You did feel a little bad for him. The video had been slightly disturbing, even for you. And you already knew exactly how it was going to go. "Well, thank you for making me go to that," you said. "I do feel more prepared now." "Me too," he smiled. "And I feel better knowing that I'm better than those other dads there." "It's not like it's a competition," you laughed. "No, not a competition, I just can't let them win." "Right, makes sense." He nodded. "But really, I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet our little baby." "I know, I can't either," you smiled, resting your hands on your belly again. "She hears you talking. She's kicking like earlier." "Is she? She's excited to meet me too." "She is," you agreed. "We're going to be the best parents. But first, we need to get McDonald's. She's telling me that's what she wants." "Oh, is she?" He smiled as he got into the turn lane for the restaurant. "Well, who am I to deny what my baby wants?"

[dancingaliensfics]

♡My Prison Pen Pal♡

Helmut Zemo x reader

Word count: 1,802

Warnings: swearing, mentions of prison and crimes and slight angst to do with his family

A/N: its finally here! I havent writen a fic in a long time so hopefully you guys like this! I tried to avoid using idioms and things like that but message me if you need anything explained or reworded as I know most people aren't native English speakers

@sorcerersofnyc

♡♡♡

His first letter came during the series finale of your favourite show. A rather inconvenient moment, you thought, so it stayed on the welcome mat until you passed through the hall on your way to bed. Picking it up, you figured you'd skim the first few lines then finish it and write a reply before work. Instead, you found yourself writing and rewriting a reply through the night. Somehow this man had managed to enthrall you with only a letter. Maybe it was the way he wrote as if he was some elegant poet whose sonnets would one day be hailed as classics. How he managed to be open and expressive, exuding a welcoming aura, and yet still seeming mysterious. Or perhaps it was simply fated by the stars that Helmut Zemo would capture your heart.

You waited anxiously for his second letter to arrive. After sending the first, you hadn't cared whether you got a response, the whole thing seemed like a bad idea to you. But your mother was insistent that you needed to meet new people and this way you wouldn't need to worry about awkward face to face conversations. Sending the first letter felt like any other chore you do in the day, done with much effort and resignment but forgotten within minutes. But the second? It felt like the most important thing you'd done in a long time. You'd even bought a first class stamp (not that it makes a difference).

You wanted to know more about this intriguing man. No, supervillain. Charged with international terrorism. Jesus christ what the fuck was wrong with you? Were you really falling in love with a supervillain after one letter? But he didn't seem evil to you. He wrote eloquently, somehow his simple and brief description of his day (he'd started reading a new psychology book, you'd have to send him some recommendations) sounded fascinating in his words.

Over time, you started to notice small things about Helmut. The way he crossed his t's, how he signed his name, but mainly that there was a romanticism to his writing. From the way he described his home, his wife, his son to his recipes for Sokovian dishes with small notes and doodles (your favourite was his shepherd's pie recipe where he helpfully noted his mother's assertion that you should always add more than you think you need). It was becoming clear to you that he wasn't the stoic and vengeful baron you expected but rather a soft, lonely and endearingly weird man who you couldn't imagine plotting to destroy the Avengers. Whilst it was his mystery that first captivated you, it was his sweet and sometimes awkward personality that convinced you to keep writing.

It took a while for Helmut to tell you about his family. You had heard on the news back when he first arrested about his motive, so you were interested to hear his perspective on his crimes. But that wasn't what you got. Instead, he told you about when he and his father used to play football when he was young and how they would play a match every time he visited, with Helmut playing against his father and son, who always wanted to play with grandfather. He told you of the songs his wife used to sing, how her voice was always loud and shaky and after years of singing somewhere over the rainbow she would still forget the lyrics and invent her own. He told you how his son was the best pianist he had ever heard. How he could play the greatest rendition of amazing grace and that he had just learnt the theme from swan lake. That he had been excited to practice it on his grandfathers grand piano the day Ultron attacked.

There was something so human about this man. His love for his family, his loss and grief, his plan to avenge his family, it was all so tragic and yet here he was sending you drawings of the flowers from his garden growing up. You wanted to hug him and yet sometimes you felt he wouldn't need it, wouldn't want it. You were wrong.

Helmut Zemo missed his family. He told you so in one of his most recent letters. He missed holding his son, brushing his wife's hair, going for long drives, waking up at 2am to comfort his son, early morning trips to the shops, cleaning up after dinner, helping with homework. Everything he listed seemed so trivial, so meaningless in the grand scheme of life and yet the memories meant so much to him.

You realised then you had never pitied him before. Not that he wasn't deserving of it, just that he didn't seem to need it. But overtime you realised that what Helmut had really needed wasn't revenge or to make a world free from superhumans, it was someone to talk to. Someone to trust. Someone who would understand his pain and not judge it. Perhaps, you thought to yourself, you could be that person.

Fuck.

You couldn't think of how to cope with this. No one you knew had ever mentioned falling in love with a criminal through letters. And as hard as you tried you hadn't been able to find a single romcom with this plot line. You couldn't tell him. You imagined with his seemingly fragile state of mind receiving from basically a stranger professing their love would at best cause him to ghost you. Especially after he confided in you, shared his thoughts and memories.

So instead you continued as normal. You sent him pressed flowers and pictures of your favourite places. Eventually, he asked what looked like, and you spent an hour trying to decide whether you should send a picture of yourself or to just vaguely describe your features. After deciding to send a picture of yourself on holiday a few months before the blip, you found yourself wondering what he'd do with it. Would he throw it away as soon as he got the letter or would he keep it, tuck it away in some book to look at whilst thinking of you?

You also found yourself wondering what he looked like in the real world. You had found pictures of him online, but they didn't feel real. He was never rarely happy. The pictures pre Ultron were clearly taken by paparazzi, so you weren't surprised he rarely looked anything other than annoyed. There were a few though, ones with his wife and son, where he clearly hadn't noticed, and some from when he was much younger and seemed to enjoy the attention. Then were those taken after his arrest.

And so you continued to wonder he looked like. How he looked in the morning, with flowers in his hair or in summer with the sun lighting his face. You wondered what his hair looked like wet, if he ever scrunched his nose in disgust. You wondered what his smile was like.

Over time, you told him more about yourself. The stress of returning home after the blip to no job, no house and your friends 5 years older. Your ex was married with kids and your sister had moved abroad. It was as if you blinked and your whole life had changed. You mentioned how it was your mum who had suggested getting a pen pal, so you could talk to someone new, who was living a different life to you, although she had meant someone in a different country not jail. Since coming back you'd been isolated and stressed with starting a new job, recovering lost information and personal belongings and moving house, so you had thought it might be good to speak to someone who didn't know you, who couldn't judge you. You told Helmut how it had been good, how writing to him had helped you, how he had helped you more than he could ever know.

No, that sounded creepy. How you appreciated his letters.

Too formal. How you hadn't expected to become his friend, but you were glad to be able to say you were.

Helmut was comforting. You knew in your head that your meeting on Friday was nothing to worry about but seeing him say it felt so reassuring. Each one of his letters made you feel relaxed, feel safe. You wanted to make him feel the same. So, as a way to repay his kindness you had told him that no matter what happened, he could always trust you. And it was true. You couldn't imagine a world where you wouldn't do anything for Helmut and although you knew he would never need it, you still wanted him to know you would always care about him, even if no one else did.

Writing to him had become as easy as talking to someone you'd known all your life. You had fallen into an easy routine, you knew when to expect his letters and you knew when you'd send a reply. The routine felt so natural that you even knew what the envelope would look like, always the same off-white with a square edged flap. The address was always the same too. Except on his last letter. Which was strange.

At first, you thought Helmut had been moved to a different prison but after frantically typing the address into Google Maps you realised it was not a prison. Fuck you had no idea what it was, but it wasn't a prison. It also wasn't in Germany.

You sat still, staring at the unopened letter for a few minutes.

You looked up at the door. You thought you heard someone knock. The post had already come and you weren't expecting people. Hell, there wasn't anyone other than your parents who would visit anyway and they would have called first. Now you were sat still, staring at the front door.

"I know you're in there, the lights are on."

It was as if you were a marionette, being moved by some strange force that was slowly pulling you out of your seat and towards the door. You didn't even register that you moved until you felt the door handle on your fingertips. The cold metal caused you to stop, as if broken out of a trance. There was a sudden realisation that if you opened the door your life would never be the same. It was sickening, a mixture of dread and excitement; it reminded you of the moment before a roller coaster drops. You repeated that thought in your head. "Your life would never be the same". Your life hadn't been the same in almost a year. What would be the harm in one more big change. So you did it. You opened the door.

His smile was beautiful.

[lucy90712]

Dream- quarantine

Warnings: mentions of anxiety and panic attacks 

Wc- 1922

~ There has just been an announcement that we have to stay inside and quarantine for the foreseeable future. Obviously I'm not happy about it and in fact I'm quite scared but I know things will be somewhat ok because I have Clay with me. The two of us have been living together for a little under 6 months now so we aren't new to it so I'm hoping we should be ok.

Clay probably hasn't seen the news yet because he's been filming all morning but it won't be long before he's done and he finds out. I don't want to be the one to tell him because I know he's not going to be happy because him and George have been talking about him coming over for the last few months but that won't be able to happen now.

He soon finished his recording and came out to join me in the living room where I had the news on. He looked over and watched what was on the tv which changed his expression from a smile to a blank expression in seconds, he seemed just as upset as I was if not more.

"How long is this going to go on for?" He asked hoping I would know

"No idea they haven't said" I said

"I guess George isn't coming over then" he sighed

"I'm sorry but he will be able to come over eventually we just have to be patient you wouldn't want things to be unsafe when he comes here" I said

"Yeah I guess, at least I have you to keep me company" he said

He pulled me into him as he text George to tell him what was going on because obviously he wouldn't know. George FaceTimed him and we all had a talk about cancelling our plans at least for a bit but then we moved on to other things which made Clay a lot happier which was great because I hate when he's sad.

During the rest of the day me and Clay went to the store to get some things that we needed before it all sells out because people were flocking to buy essentials. It was stressful at the store but we stayed close to one another and managed to weave our way through mostly because Clay was so tall and can force his way through crowds. We made it out alive with most of what we needed so we called it a day just deciding that we would live without the stuff we couldn't get.

—————

It had been a little more than 3 weeks since quarantine commenced and my god has it been worse than I ever would have imagined, being stuck inside and only leaving to go to the store had really taken its toll on me and my mental health as well as Clay's sanity. He has been working constantly leaving me to do all the chores and be the one to go out even with cases rising at an alarming rate he doesn't seem too bothered.

We have also been arguing more than we used to with him spending so much time working and seeming to care so little I've kind of been mad at him but that doesn't seem to change anything. It's starting to feel like he just doesn't care about me anymore I mean he doesn't even come to bed at night most of the time and we only talk when I ask him what he wants to eat or when we're arguing. It's starting to feel like I'm losing him and I don't want that because I really do love him but I can't keep this up much longer I just feel like crying every night.

While Clay is doing whatever the hell he does during the day I was talking with sapnap because he called me out of the blue but it was nice to actually talk to someone for once. He was concerned that there was something wrong because Clay has been constantly available on discord when he normally takes breaks to spend time with me and he hasn't talked about me which he says he does a lot.

"Is everything alright between you two?" He asked

"I mean not really but I don't want to drop all of it in you so don't worry" I said

"No please tell me I don't mind" he said

"Ok well he's been spending all his time working making me do all the chores and go out whenever we need something most nights he just stays up then sleeps when I'm awake and we only talk when we argue or when I ask what he wants to eat" I rambled

"Y/n I'm sorry I can try and talk to him if you want me to" he offered

"No its ok he'll just be more mad if you say something I'll deal with it" I said

"You shouldn't have to put up with it he's not treating you like you deserve please don't just just let him do that to you" he said

"Ok I'll try and talk to him later" I said

Me and Nick came up with some sort of plan for later when he ends up talking to Clay he's going to leave the call so I can talk to him and have his full attention. He offered to do it sooner but I had things to do first that I had to get done as not to give Clay any reason to be mad at me even though I'm sure he'll find one.

Anxiety warning

I cleaned the kitchen and went to the store which was more packed than usual probably because of the timing but it stressed me out all on my own. People were pushing me out the way and people without masks on were getting all in my face and it scared me. This is the type of stuff I deal with all the time but today it was particularly bad to the point that I started shaking and struggling to breathe slightly in my mask. I had to try and get out of there as quick as possible which I did but probably forgetting some things in the process which means I'll have to come back probably tomorrow but I didn't care at the time.

Once outside and in my car I took my mask off and let myself breathe properly to calm myself down. It took me quite a long time to get a grip of my emotions and by the time I decided to leave I still wasn't feeling fully myself and my hands were still shaking slightly but that will probably go on for a little while longer. Nick text me just before I left saying that he was on call with Clay so whenever I was ready he would leave as he told George not to join to make things easier.

Back at home I made myself go into the bathroom to try and talk myself through what I was going to say and any comebacks I could think of to all the things Clay could say to me which was hard because he always manages to find something that I would never think of to say. I got my argument together but definitely lost the calm I had got back to earlier hands started shaking more again and becoming more clammy.

I text Nick to let him know I was ready and he text back almost right away to say that he had left the call and wished me luck as well as offered any help he could give if I needed it. I went into Clay's office to see him just sat at his desk doing nothing in particular at least that I could work out, he looked over and smiled at me which was not going to last long thats for sure.

"Clay can we talk?" I asked

"Yeah of course is everything alright?" He asked back

"I'm going to be honest with you I feel like you are ignoring me you are just working all the time and I get that your busy but before you always found time to spend with me and now I'm left to do everything by myself and it's starting to take its toll on me" I said as calm as possible

"You are kidding right I'm trying my best to support the both of us by doing all this work you think I want to be in here this much because I don't" he half yelled

"And I'm trying my best too I have been working from home everyday as well as keeping up with everything else and guess what I would rather not do that either but I do it to let you do all the stuff your doing, I had a fucking panic attack at the store earlier because it's all just too much" I said with more emotion this time

"You're not the only .... wait you had a panic attack I'm sorry I wasn't there to help" he said softly

It was like it hit him what I have been saying for weeks and it was kind of refreshing to have him finally snap out of whatever mindset he was in and come back to the real world where there are things that he needs to think about that's not just to do with me but his own health.

He got up for his chair and came over to give me a tight hug which I'm not going to lie felt nice because we haven't been this close in almost a month so it just feels nice to have some human contact. It calmed me down in seconds just like Clay does so well, he grabbed my hands and traced his thumbs over the back of them.

"I'm sorry y/n I'm so sorry I shouldn't have left you do do everything on your own you're right I've been spending too much time working and that's not fair on you" he said

"You don't need to beat yourself up over this I just wanted to get through to you and don't feel like you have to spend a ton of time with me I just want a better balance" I explained

He nodded and we talked things through like we needed to do this whole time, we worked things out and made some plans to better use both of our time but it was nothing that we had to stick to strictly or else that would cause more issues. We decided that Clay was going to try and be available to go to the store with me and most nights we are going to try and go to bed together or he will at least join me at some point.

During our discussion I got a text from Nick asking if everything went alright so I just sent a quick text back to say things went fine and should hopefully get better from now on.

Clay and I decided to spend the evening together and not just because he felt guilty he really just wanted to spend time with me after coming out of his old mindset and feeling tired of working. We didn't do much just spent time sat together on the sofa watching movies and eating takeaway. He had me sat on his lap pretty much the whole time holding onto my waist or playing with my hair.

[tails89]

Are you still taking prompts? I was thinking about a 5+1 Buddie or a domestic. Thank you so much 🏵️

Thanks for the ask! I went with domestic for this one 😄

Send me a bingo prompt

You can also read this on AO3

~~~

“Hey kiddo.” Eddie holds the door open while Chris climbs up into the car. “How was school?”

“It was good.” Chris settles in his seat and waits for his dad to climb in behind the steering wheel. “We all got seeds in science. We planted them to see how they grow. I can’t wait to see what my plants are.”

He goes quiet, and when Eddie glances up at the rear-view mirror he can see Chris's reflection, staring out the window, deep in thought.

“Hey, dad?”

“Yeah buddy?”

“Do you think we could have a garden at home?”

Eddie pulls a face remembering the plant Pepa had given him as a house warming gift when they first moved to LA. She’d called it low-maintenance, insisting that even Eddie couldn’t kill it but by the time he’d finished unpacking the plant had been black and crumbling.

“Dad?”

“I don’t have much of a green thumb,” he admits.

“Oh, yeah.” Chris frowns. “You kill everything.”

“Hey, not everything!”

Chris gives a little sigh and goes back to staring out his window.

“Oh.” He brightens, straightening in his seat. “Maybe Buck can help us.”

“You’ll have to ask him,” Eddie says. Knowing Buck, the answer will be a resounding yes. It seems he’ll take any excuse to come over and hang out with Chris, which works for Eddie because he’ll use any excuse to invite Buck over.

It’s almost embarrassing, to be crushing on someone this hard. Eddie’s an adult, not some lovesick teenager. He shouldn’t be getting butterflies at the thought of seeing Buck.

“Can we ring him when we get home?” Chris asks.

“Buck’s working kiddo, but I’ll send him a text and see if he’s free on the weekend.”

~

Buck is so completely in, because of course he is and Eddie falls just a little bit more in love with him.

Eddie is woken early on Saturday morning by the sounds of movement in the house and the loud beep of the coffee maker. He pads out to the kitchen to find Buck, pulling things from cupboards to make breakfast.

“I gave you a key for emergencies, Buck.”

“Your cooking is an emergency,” Buck calls back to him moving to the fridge and peering inside. “You have eggs, right?” His head disappears behind the door. “Found ‘em.”

Eddie leans against the doorframe and watches Buck move around the kitchen with ease. He doesn’t need to ask where everything is kept having spent enough time in there already.

He stands with his back to the doorway, cracking eggs into a bowl. Eddie wants to go to him, to wrap his arms around his waist and hook his chin over Buck’s shoulder.

He shakes off the mental image and steps into the room.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Buck turns to look at him, rolling his eyes and fixing Eddie with a fond smile.  “I’m making breakfast.”

Eddie has nothing to say to that. He’s certainly not going to try and argue when the alternative to Buck making breakfast is whatever cereal he can find in the cupboard.

He makes a vague ‘go ahead’ motion with his hand and sets about making coffee for them both, sliding one mug along the counter towards Buck before taking a seat at the table.

“Buck!” Chris appears in the doorway, one hand on the wall for balance. “What are you doing here?” He rushes up to Buck, wrapping his arms around the firefighter.

Eddie hides a snort behind his coffee mug at Buck’s over the top pout. “Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten.”

“Oh, the garden!” Chris’s face lights up in joy. “You’re still going to help right?”

“Of course I am,” Buck reassures him. “Our garden is going to be amazing. You just need to promise not to let your dad touch it.”

“Because it will die?”

Buck nods sagely. “Because it will die.”

“Hey.” Eddie reaches with his foot to poke Buck in the leg. “What is this? Roast Eddie day?”

“Are you going to deny it?” Buck asks, whipping back around to face Eddie. There’s an easy grin on his face and he’s laughing as he shoos Chris away from the stove top. It makes Eddie feel giddy with affection and he has to look away before he’s caught staring at Buck’s lips.

~

After breakfast Buck takes Chris outside. They stand side-by-side on the barren back lawn to check out what they’re working with.

Eddie watches shamelessly from the kitchen while he washes up. There’s something about the easy way Buck interacts with Chris that makes his heart pound in his chest. With the window open he can hear them both talking as they make their plans.

“What are you thinking, boss?” Buck has his phone out, tapping away as Chris makes suggestions.

“We should have a vegetable garden next to the house,” Chris says, pointing.

“Vegetable garden?” Buck teases. “Since when do you eat your vegetables?”

“I like some vegetables,” Chris argues.

“Yeah, like what?”

“Carrots—”

“That’s one.”

“And tomatoes.”

“Okay.” Buck taps his phone against his leg, brow knit in thought. “Oh, what about strawberries?”

Chris nods. “I like those.”

“It’s a start,” Buck tells him, writing it down. He glances up, meeting Eddie’s gaze through the window. “You want to come to the hardware store with us?”

“What for?” Eddie asks, opening the window fully.

“Well, do you own a shovel?” Buck asks. “And we’ll need a hose or watering can, soil--"

“There’s plenty of dirt out there,” Eddie says, waving his arm vaguely.

Buck laughs. “And that right there is why Chris is in charge of the garden,” he says. He ducks down to whisper something to Chris. Eddie doesn’t hear it but, judging from the smothered giggles, that’s probably for the best.

“Sure, I’ll come,” Eddie tells them, thinking at least if he goes with them, they can’t tease him behind his back.

~

They tease him to his face, loudly and with no remorse.

Eddie doesn’t mind. Their excitement is infectious and he can’t help getting swept up in it.

They leave the store with more tools than Eddie knows what to do with. He wouldn’t even know the names of half the things that end up in their cart, let alone what they’re used for. Still, Chris and Buck seem happy with their purchases and that’s enough for Eddie.

He leaves them to it once they get back to the house. It’s been made very clear that his help is not needed and Eddie has enough to do inside.

The life of a single parent means there are always chores to do around the house, but then Eddie will hear a laugh—Chris or Buck—and his attention will be pulled back out to the yard.

Eddie holds out for another hour before giving up the pretence of being busy inside. The day is warming up, so he stops by the kitchen to grab Chris's water bottle and fills another for Buck before heading out.

“How’s everything going out here?” He hands Chris his water and tosses the other bottle to Buck. “No ones chopped off any important body parts?”

“We’re making good progress, right Chris?” Buck takes a long drink. He caps the water bottle, dropping it in the grass. “Hopefully we’re done before it gets too hot.”

In one quick movement, Buck pulls his shirt up over his head, using it to wipe the sweat from his face before letting it drop to the ground.

Eddie should look away, should look anywhere other than at Buck. But with that one simple action Eddie has lost all capacity for rational thought.  

“Uh...” He manages to tear his gaze away, but doesn’t miss the knowing smirk that tugs on Buck’s lips. He files that observation away to overthink about later. “You’re not overworking Buck are you?” He asks Chris, latching onto his son for a distraction.

“No.” Chris digs holes in the fresh dark soil. “Buck dug up the grass but I helped spread out the dirt and he said I could decide where the plants go.”

“Oh, so Buck is overworking you then?”

Chris grins and continues digging.

“I guess I’ll leave you both to it then,” Eddie tells them, but he doesn’t head back inside. It’s a nice day, and even if they don’t want his help Eddie is content to sit on the sideline and watch while Chris carefully decides where to put each plant they bought.

~

They spend most of the day outside, pausing only to eat lunch.

When they’re done, Eddie sends Chris to have a bath and then offers Buck the use of the shower. While the water is running, Eddie looks through his closet for a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that will fit Buck, leaving them outside the bathroom.

Once everyone is clean, Eddie orders pizza. It’s not quite dinner time, but he can see Chris probably isn’t going to last much longer.

He’s guesses correctly. Chris crashes out on the couch halfway through the movie he picked to watch while eating. There’s still a slice of pizza on his plate.

“I think you broke him,” Eddie teases. He pokes Chris gently on the arm but his kid doesn’t even stir. “You completely wore him out.”

“More like he wore me out.” Buck blinks sleepily across at Eddie. “This gardening business is hard work.”

“You can crash here if you want,” Eddie offers. “You can drive home in the morning when you’re not so tired.”

“Mm, thanks,” Buck mumbles around a yawn.

Standing, Eddie scoops Chris up into his arms. The boy is all limbs and he realises with a start that soon his kid is going to be too big for this.

“Give me a minute to put Chris to bed, and I’ll grab you a blanket from my room.”

Buck doesn’t say anything. His eyes are closed, his head tipped forward, chin propped on his hand.

Eddie quickly tucks Chris into bed then goes to his room, rifling around for the blanket Buck usually borrows when he stays the night.

Buck hasn’t moved from his spot when Eddie returns to the living room. He lingers in the doorway, his eyes drawn to Buck’s sleep rumpled hair then down to the sliver of skin revealed where his shirt is riding up.

“I can feel you staring.”

Eddie flinches in surprise.

“Sorry,” he mutters, moving over to the couch to hand Buck the blanket.

“’s okay.” A sleepy smile pulls at Buck’s lips. “You do it a lot.”

That stops Eddie in his tracks.

“You, uh, noticed that, did you?”

The smile pulls wider. “I always notice you Eddie.”

Eddie’s mouth goes dry. “You do?”

Buck opens his eyes, his gaze fixing on Eddie’s with an intensity that steals Eddies breath.

“Always.”

Eddie licks his lips, trying to draw some moisture back into his mouth. His heart pounds at the idea of what he’s about to say.

“You know, my bed is much more comfortable than the couch.” He offers Buck his hand to pull him to his feet. “Just sleep,” he adds quickly. “But maybe in the morning we could talk about... more...”

Buck nods slowly, more awake now. “I’d like that,” he says. “More. If that’s what you want?” He accepts Eddie’s hand, rising from the couch.

“I want everything with you.”

[shyficwriter]

Temporary Home: Chapter 3

Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic | Reader x Guardians (With Yondu and Kraglin!)

Summary: Just as things start looking like they'll get better, Rocket seems to ruin it. Hopefully this time he learns something.

Previous Chapter here | Next Chapter Here Or click here to: Start From Beginning

Author’s Note: Shorter chapter this time.

Word Count: 4,075

You might have slept in after having taken a middle-of-the-night walk, but your body had other ideas, waking you up right at seven A.M. Probably had a little something to do with eight strange people living in your house. Who's to say?

Breakfast today went smoother than yesterday. Nothing was spilled, no one was bit. It was almost nice.

However, afterwards you found yourself at a loss for what to do. You knew the garden was already free of weeds from where you weeded the day before, so there went that idea.

Sure, you could sit and relax, maybe try to get to know your new house guests, but you were still feeling too antsy and irritable to do that. You wanted something to keep your mind busy.

Eventually you settled on laundry. The machine was half full anyway and so you went upstairs to grab the hamper from the bathroom and threw it's contents in. Unfortunately you'd need to wait for the clothes to finish washing before you could hang them or fold them, but you supposed maybe you could sweep the floor while you waited.

You finished the kitchen much faster than you would have liked, and so you decided maybe you'd sweep the upstairs landing and work your way down.

You had swept about halfway down the stairs when Peter and Gamora decided to walk up the stairs about the same time as Mantis decided to walk down the stairs, hugging her bear. Upon seeing Peter and Gamora, Mantis then further decided to show them the "wonderful bear" you had given her before bounding down the rest of the stairs and out the front door.

They looked to you as she left, and you blushed and looked down at your task at hand. "Don't read too much into it. Just- you know... Thought it'd keep her from crawling in my bed at night... Seems to have worked."

"Right," said Peter, throwing a cheeky grin at Gamora. His tone was overly inquisitive when he spoke to you next, "Say, would you know anything about the toy car Groot found waiting in his room last night?"

You quickened your sweeping down the stairs. "I should really finish up here. Got other work to do."

Gamora looked pleasantly intrigued, and Peter lightly chuckled as they continued up the stairs.

You were grateful the sitting room was empty when you went to sweep in there, but you were also soon dismayed to have finished the chore so quickly. The washer still had a good chunk of time before it'd be finished and now you were once again left wondering what to do.

Might as well clean the bathroom.

More dismay befell you when you entered, however. Someone hadn't flushed. Again. Know who doesn't have to worry about house mates not flushing? People who live alone.

In disgust, you flushed for whoever the offender was, making a mental note to make a general callout to whoever it was to stop it, before getting a start on cleaning the bathroom.

The washer was finally done by the time you finished, and you jumped on the chance to grab a basket and bring the clothes out to the line. Sure, you had a dryer, but hanging them would keep you busier for longer. You put in your earbuds so you could listen to music while you worked.

Once outside you noticed that's where most of the others had gone. All but Peter and Gamora where in the back yard enjoying the sunshine. Yondu, Kraglin and Drax were shooting the breeze while Rocket pushed Groot on the little wooden car, which was just big enough for him to sit on, down the stone garden path. Groot would squeal in delight until he reached the end, then he would cheerfully run back carrying the car for Rocket to do it again. Mantis had discovered the rope and plank swing hanging from the old oak tree and was gently swaying as she cuddled her bear.

You made your way toward the clothesline on the other side of the yard and faced away from them as you went to hang the clothes on the line.

You were about three towels in when Kraglin taps you on the shoulder, making you jump. You turn to face him and pull out an earbud to hear what he was saying.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle ya, ma'am!"

You frowned, embarrassed. You were usually never this jumpy, especially not on the job, but this whole new situation has been playing with your nerves.

"Would you like some help, there?"

You shake your head, reaching down to grab a shirt to hang on the line.

"Well, would ya like some company?"

You come back up from the basket with another garment and raise your eyebrow at him.

"Not much of a talker, eh?" Kraglin said, starting to feel a little awkward. He was trying to make nice with you, but you weren't giving him anything and he didn't really know what to do. He told himself it'd be easier if you were someone he was trying to steal from. Cap'n was better at stuff like this.

You shrug.

"Well, I just wanted to say it was real nice what ya did for the little fella and the girl."

You look at him, already feeling a blush returning, and repeated what you said to Peter and Gamora earlier. "Don't read too much into it." You reach down to pull another garment.

Now Kraglin frowned. He tried to think of something else to say. Maybe he could break the ice with a joke? "Say, you ever hear about the guy who couldn't get his blaster to fire?"

You raise an eyebrow.

"He had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual."

You tilted your head. "Was that a joke?"

Kraglin made a grimaced grin and rubbed the back of his head, "Ah... yes?"

"Hm." is all you offer and you return to work.

Kraglin tries again. "What about the one about the constipated Krylorian?

You didn't look up. "I think your friends are calling for you."

Kraglin, missing the hint, "I didn't hear-"

You look up, the look in your eyes sending a chill through the former first mate. "Oh yes, they did."

He got the hint.

***

"She turned you away so fast!" Drax laughed when Kraglin returned.

Kraglin shook his head. "Apparently she's not a big talker. Actually almost kinda scary." He glanced back toward you briefly as if to make sure you stayed there.

"Scary?" Drax asked, perplexed. "But she looks all small and weak like Peter, or you?" He shook his head. "You are terrible with women."

"Hey!" Kraglin objected.

Yondu grinned.

"And I wasn't trying to get her into bed! I was just trying to break the ice is all."

Drax looked at you then back at Kraglin in confusion. "It's too warm? There shouldn't be any ice to break?"

Yondu shook his head and said, "No that's- Nevermind."

***

When hanging laundry you noticed some white mushrooms were starting to spring up around one of your clotheslines poles, and unfortunately you couldn't quite tell if it was the safe type or the poisonous type. You might have left it alone, but knowing the little tree child was running around now, you wanted to be sure. Just in case. You told yourself you just didn't want to clean up his vomit if he ate them and got sick.

You knew you had a book on mushrooms, so after you finished hanging the wash you headed inside and towards the sitting room to find it.

Everyone had long since come inside and now Yondu, Drax, Kraglin and Peter were already in there, playing a game of cards at the table while Mantis curled in the rocking chair reading a book of children's fairytales.

You stood there looking through the titles of your books, trying to find the right one, when suddenly you felt a pair of hands fluttering at your sides. You jerk with a gasp and spin around to grab the hands of your attacker and see that it's Mantis.

"Mantis- what are you doing?" You say, your tone laced with a gentle warning. You didn't release her wrists yet.

"You seemed grouchy. I wanted to make you laugh!" She replied cheerfully, not alarmed in the slightest by your tone.

You raise an eyebrow at the innocence of her answer. Eyeing her you say, "I'm not ticklish," before cautiously releasing her and making a shooing gesture. You turn back to the books.

Peter quietly catches Mantis's attention and with a grin nods in your direction, encouraging her to do it again. Yondu sees this and shakes his head softly, grinning at the mischief.

Not twenty seconds go by before you feel her hands at your waist again, and again you jerk with a gasp before spinning to catch her again. "Mantis," you say more warningly. Now Drax is grinning.

You hear snickers coming from the table and Kraglin says, "I think you are." It was funny to him. Just awhile ago you were almost scary in your stoic-ness, now you were jumping and shying away from Mantis's attempts to tickle you.

You glare at them but ignore him. "Mantis, go back to your book," you say firmly.

Mantis just giggles but finally starts backing away as you eye her.

Assuming you're safe you turn back to the bookshelf. You soon find the book you were searching for and reach up to pull it from the shelf when you feel it yet again, this time along your ribs. You jerk your arm down with a small squeak and turn to grab Mantis's hands again, your eyes wide. "I swear I will turn you over my knee!" You threaten, a faint giggle in your voice making you sound a whole lot less threatening than you wished at that moment.

The guys are snickering again and Mantis innocently asks what that means.

You sigh and release her. You had no intention of doing it anyway, it just came out. Something that your elders used to threaten when you misbehaved as a child. "Go." You say, pointing at her forgotten book in the rocking chair. "Read."

Seeing mirth glistening in your eyes despite your threatening tone she obeys with a happy giggle and you turn once again to retrieve the book you had come for. Louder snickers could be heard from Peter when you stopped your motion halfway to turn and check that she wasn't coming back. You narrowed your eyes at him before finally grabbing your book and leaving to do your research.

You found the mushrooms weren't poisonous after all.

***

The next day you decided to practice your archery.

Rocket was still being a shit, being rude to his friends and to you, and he kept fighting with Gamora and Peter. Kraglin somehow managed to break one of your favorite mugs. You found out that apparently Drax had been the one not flushing, and that was super awkward. You left Peter to deal with him. You tripped over Groot's vines at least five times. Mantis managed to startle you so bad you nearly had a heart attack (Though in her defense you had your music in so you didn't hear her approach to ask you a question) Then there was Yondu, who you felt like he was watching your every move.

Needless to say, you were looking to blow off some steam.

You had a target set up behind your work shed and along the wood line of the forest. You pulled about 20 practice arrows and your bow from the shed and walked behind to aim at your target.

You had been out there maybe an hour or two, just shooting the target full of arrows, gathering them up, and then shooting them again, all while you listened to your music.

You had emptied your quiver again when you felt a hand on your shoulder and nearly decked Peter, catching yourself just in time when you saw it was him.

You caught your breath and scolded him. "Don't DO that!"

"Sorry! Sorry! You couldn't hear me with your music in so I waited until you ran out of arrows." he reasoned. To be fair, it was a good idea. You probably definitely would have shot him with one if he snuck up on you like that before you ran out.

You sighed. "What do you need?"

"Nothing. Just, we hadn't seen you for awhile. I thought I'd see where you went. I know it was a little rough with everyone today."

You only grunted in response, going to collect your arrows.

He followed. "Look, I just want to apologize for everyone. I know you didn't need to let us stay-"

You cut him off. "Didn't I? Seems like Fury made the decision for me."

"Cut the crap."

You turn to give him a hard look that said, 'The hell did you just say?'

Peter backtracked slightly. "I mean, I was clearly there the day Fury sprang this on you. You offered before he told you he had already decided. You can't try to tell me now that you don't give a crap."

You narrow your eyes before turning to continue on toward your arrows. "Hell if I can't."

"Well I know better."

You reached your target and started pulling arrows. "You don't know me at all. You haven't even been here four days."

"Ok, that may be true, but we can still try to be friends since we're all stuck together, right?"

You stare at him a couple moments while you pulled the rest of your arrows, before huffing a breath through your nose and looking down.

"You need some time alone with the thought. That's ok." Peter said, relenting. "Just know the gang's not normally like this. They're still adjusting." He lied. He knew they were totally like this, but he was still hoping maybe they'd settle down enough to not make you hate them.

You sighed. He had a point. Maybe you shouldn't be avoiding them as hard as you had been. Maybe if you made an effort to be friendlier this whole situation would go smoother. "I suppose..." you began, "that maybe I have been a little..." you struggled for the right word.

"Grouchy? Scary?" Peter offered lightheartedly. "Like the crotchety old person they try to make you think is the masked monster in Scooby Doo, but it turns out to be some other guy that wants to scare them out of their house?

"Watch it." you say eyeing him, but your mouth twitched. He was right. Perhaps you had been a little 'crotchety.'

"Careful, that was almost a smile." Peter teased.

You broke your gaze toward the ground so you wouldn't actually smile. You weren't ready to let your guard completely down yet. It only half worked.

Peter grinned. It seemed like his plan to chip your shell away was working. Slowly, but still. Progress was progress. He turned to walk back towards the house.

"Hey," you spoke up.

He turned back to face you again.

"You hungry?" you ask. You offered to cook again. Stipulating that it was just because you were bored again, nothing fancy, and you weren't going to make a habit of it or anything, of course.

Peter nodded and smiled, accepting the offer as you joined him to walk back to the house, stopping just long enough to put your bow and quiver back away in the shed.

***

Peter offered to help cook again, and again you declined, stating that you were only cooking spaghetti and it was like the easiest thing to make as you pulled out a pot and filled it with water.

He didn't press it. Baby steps. He had already succeeded in getting you to (almost) smile, he wasn't going to push his luck. However...

You place the pot on the stove and turn on the flame when Peter says, "Ok, but one thing before I go."

"What's that?" you ask, stepping away from the stove to grab the salt container from the cupboard.

Peter took full advantage of you reaching up to quickly aim a poke to your sides, making you jolt with a squeak.

He quickly went to run away, almost knocking into Yondu who had walked into the kitchen for a drink.

"Dammit!" you cry out, unable to hide the surprised laughter from your voice. "You behave or I'll put you in that pot!"

Peter laughed. It was totally worth it.

Yondu just looked at him with a 'What the hell!?' expression, asking, "Why is it funny when she says it?"

***

The pasta was nearly done and you had started working on the sauce when you realized you had run out of dried basil. Knowing you had some fresh out in the garden you decided you'd hop out for a quick second to grab some. The flame under the sauce hadn't even been turned on yet, and you lowered the flame under the boiling pasta just out of habit before you went outside, so you trusted that leaving the stove unattended for five seconds would be fine.

However, fate had other plans.

While you were cooking Groot had convinced Rocket into another game of tag. Whether he deliberately disobeyed or simply forgot, you'd never know, but as he was running from Rocket he ran straight through the kitchen, and Rocket didn't stop him.

Didn't stop him has he climbed on the counter.

Didn't stop him as he jumped over to the table.

Certainly didn't stop him as he hopped onto the vent over the stove, though he most definitely should have.

Maybe it was arrogance on Rocket's part that he could make the jump, or even just sheer ignorance over his ability to keep a grip on the sloping metal, but as Rocket pursued Groot, always just slightly behind the tree child, and he made the jump from the table to the vent hood, he slid, and tried to correct by pushing off the (thankfully cool) saucepan, which knocked the pot off sauce off the stove as he lifted off with a loud clatter as it hit the floor.

Groot was fine, having by now hopped off the cabinet onto the floor. Rocket regained his footing, clinging to the cupboard above the stove as he surveyed the damage.

He knew he fucked up.

That's when you came back inside. He saw your face as you took in the mess, looked over to Groot, and then looked up at him.

He really fucked up.

The rest of the team also heard the clatter from the sitting room a few quickly came to see what had happened.

You didn't notice. You only saw red.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!"

Rocket started to reply with something snarky about not getting your "panties in a bunch" and how it could be cleaned but you cut him off before he could.

"He's made of wood!"

Rocket was slightly taken aback. "What?"

"That stove was- IS fucking lit." You reach over to shut off the burner under the pasta, side-stepping the mess. "What if he had caught fire? Or what if you knocked over the other pot? What if that fucking pot of boiling water had landed on either of you?! Do you even understand what that would have done to you?!"

By now the rest had heard you yelling and came to join the others in standing in the doorway to see what all the commotion was about. You still didn't notice them, you were too angry.

Rocket attempted to speak again. "I-"

You weren't finished. "I get it, he's a baby, he's still learning, but YOU most definitely should know better! But no! You think it's ok to play with him around a lit fucking stove! What the actual fuck! I swear, you're about as thick as manure but only half as useful!"

Rocket looked at the others in the doorway with wide eyes, not quite sure what to say. There was no way around it. This one was on him. They wore shocked expressions but also didn't say anything. Little Groot looked terrified at the (to him) giant angry lady screaming at Rocket.

You took a step back and finally assessed the mess. "And then there's all this!" you say, gesturing at the red tomato sauce now splattered all over your floor, your cupboards, the table & chairs, your stove. There was even sauce splattered on the window above the sink and the curtains, not to mention the walls. It was as if a tomato bomb went off in your kitchen.

You pressed the ball of your hand to your forehead. "You know what? No. I'm not dealing with this. Nope." You open the fridge, pulling out a bottle of whiskey. It was only then you saw the others standing in the doorway. You look to them, gesturing toward the pantry with the bottle. "Figure out your own damn supper." is all you say before walking out the back door and slamming it behind you.

Peter was the first to speak. He skipped asking Rocket what he had done, it was obvious by the red splattering the kitchen. Instead, what he said was more of a statement. "You really fucked up, man. You made her leave her own house."

"Should we go after her?" Drax asked. Mantis just stared at the giant mess as she hugged her bear, eyes wide. You had been very angry.

Yondu and Kraglin could see you out the back window, taking a swig from the whiskey bottle as you headed for the forest, much like you had the other night -minus the drinking of course. "No," said Yondu, "Probably a bad idea. Let her go."

Gamora agreed, and turned to glare at Rocket, demanding that he get down and help clean up the mess he had made.

Rocket actually looked kind of guilty looking toward the back door you had just left through. He didn't even argue back anything snarky, just did as Gamora asked without a word, which didn't go unnoticed as odd to the others.

He could have handled it if you had just yelled at him for making a mess. Could have shot back that you were uptight, had a stick up your ass- it was just a mess. Messes could be cleaned. Shit happens. Get over it.

But what he couldn't handle was that your first words, your first instinct, was to be angry that he had endangered Groot by allowing him to play near the stove. That he couldn't snark at- because you were right. What if Groot had caught fire? Or fell in the boiling pot?

He'd never forgive himself.

***

Hours had passed and half the bottle was gone before you finally returned.

Even in your drunken haze you saw that the kitchen had been cleaned, every trace of the tomato explosion gone. Even your curtains had been washed, dried, and re-hung.

You went to put what was left of the whiskey bottle back in the fridge, and saw someone had been kind enough to plop the pasta in a covered bowl and set it in the fridge so it wouldn't be wasted.

Not that you gave a shit.

Right now you wanted to sleep, and so you made your way to your room and collapsed on the bed.

Sleep didn't come right away. You faced the wall and covered your mouth, trying to hold back sobs from your anger, frustration, and sadness over everything. Even still drunk you had the presence of mind to know you didn't want anyone to hear you cry, especially since one of your new housemates was currently sharing your room and sleeping not two meters away.

The raccoon was a right asshole, the worst of the bunch. You wanted to strangle the little fecker, but knew you wouldn't. What you really just wanted was to be alone again, to bury yourself in work like you had before all this happened. Anything to keep your mind on other things-to push down the painful memories of your past that were now rudely breaking through your whiskey-addled brain and out your eyes.

Sleep did eventually come, and if you didn't know better you could have sworn you heard a gentle voice softly whispering, "Sleep," just before you passed out.

[hey-there-juliet]

Random Drabble Day (2/23)

Summary: First off, let me just say that this is more like a one-shot than a drabble because I'm a wordy bitch and I cannot control myself 😅

That said, I always had a hard time imagining Julie writing some of the Perfect Harmony's lyrics about herself, so I thought why not make this just another song that Luke and Julie wrote together? This is set somewhere between Finally Free and Edge of Great, in that week when Ray was stress-eating. This is supposed to fit back into the show at the end, so it might seem like a cliffhanger, but it's not.

Quick shout out to @jamestkirkish for betaing this for me! I love you and you are amazing! Any remaining mistakes are my own. And to the fabulous Sloan, for helping me out with Luke's handwriting! Enjoy 🧡

Fandom: Julie and the Phantoms

Relationship: Juke 💜

in the great scheme of life and ghosts

No matter how many times Luke insisted that she had been snooping through his things, Julie knew for a fact that she had done no such thing. In reality, she had simply been cleaning the studio when she came across it.

For three ghosts who didn't eat and could barely even touch anything most of the time, the boys sure knew how to make a mess. Every morning Julie would walk into the studio to find the chairs or coffee table rearranged, at least one of the rugs was always askew, and the clothes... the clothes were everywhere, and the worst part was: they reeked. 

And so every morning before leaving for school Julie would shoot them a stern look and tell them to pick up after themselves. Which they did - when she got back home, things were mostly in their rightful place. Still, every weekend Julie would make sure to take a moment away from homework and rehearsal to tidy the place up to perfection, just like her mom liked it. She'd dust off the furniture, water the plants, sweep the floor, and even vacuum the whole place. One Saturday when she was home alone (her dad photographing a wedding, and Carlos at a friend's house), she even went through the trouble of washing all of the guys' old clothes. 

Somehow, and she didn't even want to think about how that worked, the clothes didn't stink when they were actually wearing them, but at any other moment when they made no contact with their skin? Yeah... not good. So she washed them all (three times, using every trick and product she had). She washed them a fourth time for good measure and, by the time she was finished, any traces of twenty-five year old mold was gone, and so was the smell.

So no, she was not snooping - no matter what Luke said - when she came across the crumpled paper ball between the couch and the low cabinet, just behind a big vase her mom had gotten from tía Victoria.

Julie sighed, making a mental note to tell Luke to put his discarded ideas in the bin (again) if he didn't want them anymore, when one scribbled and wrinkled word caught her attention: Perfect Ha-

She bit her lip, staring down at the teasing word. Perfect what? Was it lyrics? Maybe half formed ideas? Doodles? Julie knew Luke liked to doodle in the margins of his notebook whenever he got stuck trying to come up with the next best piece of lyric or melody. She also knew she should probably just leave it alone, put it with his stuff to ask him later if he wanted to keep it, or put it in the garbage. Except the more she glanced down at that damn word, the stronger she felt it pull her towards uncovering whatever else the crumpled paper ball was hiding. 

In the end, the pull was too strong. She'd just take a quick look, make sure it wasn't anything important before she threw it away. And, she reasoned with herself, trying to squish the guilt that was making itself known in the pit of her stomach: Luke had gotten rid of it, so he clearly didn't care much for whatever was in there. 

Not able to resist any longer, Julie carefully unfolded the paper, slowly making her way towards the piano and using its surface as a table to help smooth the page over.

Luke's (horrendous) handwriting covered it with the bare bones of a song, random lines were scribbled in the margins with a couple of doodles for company, and even a little note from their bassist - ‘Reggie was here ;)’.

It took her a minute before the chicken scratches became words, and then Julie's breath left her in a rush, as the guilty feeling in her stomach turned into butterflies and flew away with her imagination. 

It was a song, parts of one, anyway, and - more importantly - it was a love song.

Unprompted, her own words came back to her, "Wow, Luke! I didn't know you were such a romantic." Quickly followed by Alex's short reply, "He's not."

She knew now who Unsaid Emily was really about, but these new words were clearly about a different kind of love. The romantic kind, and Julie couldn't help letting herself believe - just for a moment - that the song might be about her.

Before she could let herself be carried away in a daydream, there was a - now familiar - shift in the air, a sound almost like static, the only thing letting her know of a ghost's appearance. Without a thought, she crumpled the page again and shoved the paper ball in her pocket for later inspection. 

"Hey, Julie!" Reggie's cheerful greeting sounded across the studio from where he had poofed in, and soon - with his "help," bless him - Julie was finished with her weekend clean up. 

As if summoned by the end of her chores, Luke poofed in, ready to rehearse. Alex soon followed; and by the time Julie retired for the night, the song had been almost forgotten where it hid inside her pocket. 

Almost.

***

After getting ready for the night, Julie settled on her bed with the wrinkled page and her dreambox. She read over the words again and again, imagining they were about her.

Step into my world, 

Bittersweet love story about a girl 

Shook me to the core 

Voice like an angel, 

I've never heard before, 

- 

You and me together, it's more than chemistry 

- 

Love me as I am 

I hold your music 

Here inside my hands 

- 

You are my brightest burning star 

- 

We create Perfect Harmony.

And unless Luke had been singing with another girl, there didn't seem to be many options on who it could be about, right?

From the beginning, Julie had felt something connecting her to him; to all of them, in different ways. But Luke had been the one to give her a little piece of his soul right after meeting her when he let her use Bright to earn back her spot in the music program. Seeing his passion reflecting back on her, the way he treated music like she used to, made her miss it more than anything for the first time in almost a year. It made her miss the way it felt to use music to connect with her mom.

After they spent a whole weekend finishing each other's songs and working on new ones, getting to know each other's inner workings - the part of them that bled out feelings into paper to create beautiful melodies, Julie knew she was a goner. Finding out he'd been the one to write the words that shaped her taste in rock certainly didn't help. Like he'd been helping her find her way to music long before they even met.

Her crush on him had been inevitable from the start, and while falling for him was probably one of the worst things she could’ve done, it was too late to stop it. She'd been free falling for a while, and hopefully she'd land in his arms soon enough. Reading over his words again gave Julie a warm fluttering in her stomach that made her think he was more than ready to catch her once she reached the ground. 

Carefully folding the piece of paper, she put it inside her dreambox, then placed the box back on the shelf.

***

The following week went by without any hiccups. Every once in a while, Julie would remember Luke's song and a familiar warmth would fill her up, leaving a soft smile on her lips and glazed eyes staring off at nothing. Just as often, Flynn would have to shake her out of her daydreams.

She didn't think much would come of it until her dad decided to throw the band a party so he could film them and post their video on YouTube. Which was fine. Amazing, even. It was most certainly great! Until Luke came to the school, staring at her with his stupid, beautiful, awed eyes, and with his soft, perfect smile, saying things that made her combust and melt, all at the same time.

"I think you make me a better writer." 

    "I think we make each other better."

Calling Nick 'Luke' was bad enough, but slipping into a complete musical sequence as she danced with him? "Goner" didn't even begin to describe her. 

Like the other times they'd written together, the lyrics flowed through her, finishing the song he'd started with the same ease as one would take a breath.

Julie knew that whatever was going on between her and Luke couldn't happen or, if it did, it couldn't last. In fact, in the great scheme of life and ghosts, she didn't know much, but what she did know was that - be it in life or in death - love was constant. 

He didn't need to have a heartbeat or to be able to touch her for her to love him. He was just as real to her as the next person, and whether it would hurt in the long run or not, it didn't matter. 

She knew Flynn was only looking out for her, but that ship had sailed, and Julie was already so lost in his ocean eyes that avoiding eye contact wasn't going to bring it back. She would entertain her though, even knowing it wouldn't work. Just like the tide, eventually he'd pull her right back in.

She could love him just as he was, for however long they had together, and especially after that.

-

End notes: I hope you guys enjoyed it! And, if you'll notice, at the beginning it kind of gives off the impression that Luke eventually finds out about the song and Julie tells him how she found it. Which may or may not lead you to believe that they're in a relationship. I guess it all depends on interpretation though ;)

Oh, also! Shout out to the chaos squad folks that guessed right! You guys are no fun :( /j lmao