#hopefully I don't look like a jackass.

[bowdownperv]

Sweetheart [B.H + E.M]

Warnings: 18+, smut, sexual content, threesome

Pink was the color of love. The color of sugary sweetheart candies. The color of the powdery blush on your cheeks. The color of his tongue as he painted your pussy with his saliva.

Cupid struck you in the ass this Valentines Day.

A fun, post Basketball game celebration turned into nightmare when you accidentally stumbled in on your jackass boyfriend pounding some dumb cheerleader into a mattress while looking for the bathroom. Eyeshadow instantly spilled down your face like watercolors as you slammed the door shut making the whole house shiver. The dramatic thud of your heels stomping down the stairs caused the whole crowd to go silent alongside gasped faces.

Once making it home and allowing yourself some much deserved time to sulk, you quickly realized that your friends were right: you were way out of his league. You would have absolutely no problem finding a better lover, better kisser, and a better fucker. However, once the news of your breakup made its way around, you were essentially up for grabs at school.

Billy Hargrove unexpectedly became an obstacle in your path to class when his broad athletic body spawned out of nowhere in front of you. You crashed into him and sprung back while he stood sturdy as a rock.

“Sup, Y/N.” His voice had a racy husk to it as he licked his lips. You rolled your eyes while secretly checking him out.

“Yes, Billy?” you murmured, bending down to pick up the History textbook he made you drop.

If the school had a mascot for biggest douchebag, it would be Billy. He was always trying, and quite successfully, getting into every girls pants just to gloat about it the next day to his buddies. He always felt something special towards you, but you refused to give in. Making his infatuation with you only grow stronger. You had to admit though, he was really fucking hot.

"I heard about your breakup, maybe I'll come over tonight and make you feel better," he winked cupping his bulging cock through his grey sweatpants. Lazily, swinging his hips into his palm as if he were fucking you from behind. You couldn't help but feel a trickle down your thigh.

"That's okay Billy, I've never really been a big fan of shrimp."

He huffed.

"Mhm, we'll see about that sweetheart."

The stupid nickname somehow made your pussy tingle. You flipped your hair over your shoulder and scurried away as he blew you a cocky kiss. He was such a hotshot but the thought of him fucking you filled your heartbroken mind with lust. You also heard from other girls that he was packing.

For the entire day, boys followed you around like abandoned puppies. Each one so desperately attempting to shoot their shot with you every chance they could get. It was pathetic. Finally, lunchtime came meaning you could hopefully have a break from being chased down. You headed to school dining hall and sat at your usual table, waiting for your girlfriends to arrive. That's when you saw schools enigma, Eddie walk in. He approached you with a devilish grin across his face as he plopped down across from you. The entire crowd in the cafeteria seemed to vanish and it suddenly it felt like it was just the two of you alone.

"Hey, pretty girl," he smirked.

You swallowed and nervously toyed with your hair.

"Hi, Eddie."

"A pretty girl like you shouldn't be all alone. Who knows what kind of bad things could happen to her." He gave you a sinister smirk and reached for your hand. Placing a soft kiss to it like you were royalty. You were completely hypnotized by his mysterious presence.

"Why don't I come over tonight and we can have some fun."

You hesitated.

"I- I have to-"

"Great, I'll be there at ten."

Your cheeks were so red you could see feel heart beating in them. Eddie walked away and you watched as time around you magically resumed.

When you got home from school, you rushed to turn on the shower. You laid out a tank top and your most revealing shorts on your bedsheets and washed up plus shaved until you felt clean and sexy. You blowdryed your soggy hair and perfected your makeup in anticipation for it just to be ruined. There was still a few hours until Eddie would be arriving but you spent them all physically and mentally preparing yourself.

Halfway through brushing your hair, you jumped from the ring of the doorbell. Fuck. Eddie must have came early. You ran your fingers through your locks messily and hurried to the door.

As soon as you opened it, you cursed under your breath. It was Billy. You didn't think he was actually serious about coming over. You panicked. Eddie would be there soon. What would he do if he saw you had Billy over as well?

"Billy, you need to go-"

Without warning, he was leaning forward and kissing you dearly with his strawberry lips. You were instantly intoxicated. Grabbing onto the hair on the back of his head and pulling him closer. His tongue swarming your mouth.

You yanked him by his denim jacket inside and shut the door. Maybe, he could fuck you quickly before Eddie came? At this point you were too worked up to tell Billy to leave. With Billy's mouth still suctioned to yours, a series of loud thumps echoed from the front door. Damnit.

You felt your heart inflate with every knock.

Billy followed you to the door. His larger body hovering behind you like a ghost.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" he growled in his low register, raising his muscular arm.

"Just came to see my girl," Eddie announced, pointing a finger gun at you.

"Well, she's busy," Billy replied, cupping your ass in his large hand making you jolt.

The boys bickered back and fourth and you were so turned on. The two hottest studs at school fighting over who gets to fuck you.

Eventually, Billy whispered something into Eddie's ear causing him to nod. You were so confused when both boys looked back at you with devilish grins.

Billy manhandled you as he grabbed your smaller body to throw you over his shoulder. You let out a small shriek. He carried you over to the kitchen and placed your ass on the counter. His eyes staring directly at your clothed core as if he could see through your shorts.

You put your finger in your mouth. "What are you going to do to me?" you asked shyly.

Eddie turned to Billy and smiled.

"A good old pussy eating contest."

You froze.

"Sound good, sweetheart?"

Your head almost fell off from how fast you were nodding.

"Yes."

Eddie competed first. He tugged your little shorts down your thighs and you watched as they plopped down onto the marble floor. Squatting to be eye-level with your vulnerable cunt.

"Hi, pretty pussy," he said, rubbing it with his long, slender fingers and pressing a kiss to it. You felt your pussy gush as pre-cum dribbled down your thigh.

"Mm, good thing daddy's hungry."

His head nuzzled between your legs. You felt his warm tongue poke inside your pussy.

His hands grabbed your thighs for support as he pushed his head deeper into you. Licking the walls of your pussy. The texture of his taste buds rubbing against your clit. His tongue slurping in and out of you while he looked up at you with starving eyes. Cocking his right eyebrow every time you let out a sweet moan.

"Oh, fuck daddy" you squealed. Clinging your fingers to his hair as you popped your pussy forward into his face. His tongue leaving no inch of your pussy dry. Foamy spit being the only barrier between his mouth and your cunt as he coated you with his thick, warm saliva that dripped onto the floor.

“Such a sweet girl with a sweet pussy," he mumbled into your core. You could feel the vibrato of his voice echo throughout the walls of your cunt.

You closed your eyes and felt a wave of heat rush throughout your body. Your pussy quenched itself as you squirted all over Eddie’s soft face. Covering his skin with little droplets of your cum.

“Oh shit baby, all for me?” he asked excitedly as you groaned, still trying to recover from your high.

Not a drip of cum went to waste as he licked each one that trailed down your thighs.

Eddie pulled away and your cunt felt cold and empty without a warm mouth inside it.

“Alright man, let’s see if you can beat that,” he said, hitting Billy’s shoulder.

Billy walked over to your vulnerable pussy smugly. Smirking as he watched your legs tremble and your still leaking cunt drip more onto the floor. You looked up at him with nervous, doe eyes.

Billy kneeled down and vertically licked across your entire pussy. Paying special attention to your clit as he cloaked it around his long tongue, drowning it in his saliva. Your head flew forward to watch his evil, grinning face devour your pussy.

He ate your pussy from the inside out. His mouth was a vacuum sucking all the juices from your pussy until it was dry, and then filling it back up with his own spit and tongue. He pressed gentle kisses along the sensitive skin and used his fingers to spread your pussy lips open and poke his tongue in even farther. The excitement and lust of having such a hunk fuck you with his tongue so passionately, made you unable to hold back your orgasm as you cummed intensely for the second time. Decorating Billy’s pretty face with your sweet pussy juices.

Billy walked away wiping his grinning mouth. Once again, your pussy felt empty and you rubbed your legs together. Desperate for any friction as you looked innocently to the two boys ahead of you.

“Round two,” Eddie spoke.

“Cock sucking.”

This time your knees were on the floor looking up at Billy. You stared him down as he pulled his jeans and boxers off allowing his mighty cock to stand strong.

You immediately gasped. Billy's cock put your ex boyfriends to shame. It was long, slick, and girth with a blue vein that ran from its base to his big, pink mushroom head. After licking your plump lips in preperation, you wrapped them around his cock. Giving Billy the sweetest blowjob of his life.

"That's it sweetheart," he groaned, huskily. "You like having daddy's big cock in your mouth?"

"You moaned "mhm," while looking up him with your teary, cartoon eyes. His cock tucked deep inside your throat, striking your uvula repeatedly like it was a punching bag.

All the attention you were giving Billy's cock made Eddie severely jealous. He eagerly dragged his pants and boxers in unison down his thighs and tripped as his long cock sprung out. Hard and ready to get sucked.

Eddie pushed Billy aside and slid his cock into your mouth at the same time. Two giant cocks fucking your tiny little mouth.

Both the men swung their hips into your face, forcing your tired mouth to suck their huge cocks. If someone was to stand behind them, all they would see was their ass cheeks clenching and releasing as their big bodies overshadowed you. The only thing coming out of your mouth were whimpers and slobber.

You grabbed their big balls with each of your hands. Your long nails grazing the wrinkles. You squeezed them. Immediately, they both orgasmed. Their cum flooding your throat canal. Making you practically drown in their creamy, white cum. It took a few big gulps and swallows to force it all down.

Billy patted your head before throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you to the coffee table. Laying your tummy on the table. Your tits squashed against the cold glass. Your vulnerable ass and cunt shivering in the air, ready for penetration.

Billy aggressively spit on your cunt like a dirty cowboy and shoved his cock in with a howl. Hands gripping your waist hard as he fucked you mercilessly. Spanking your ass with his big palm like you were misbehaved child.

Eddie went for your gaping mouth. Lifting your head up by the chin and sliding his long cock down your throat. Swinging his hips back and fourth, giving you a great throat-fucking. His heavy balls squashing against your chin allowing you to feel how quickly they refilled. Your jaw throbbing from how wide your mouth had to open to accommodate his size.

Your body was being completely used by these two men. You were just an instrument of pleasure for their sex-driven dicks. Their impressive length penetrating both sides of you so deeply, that you swore you could feel the heads of their cocks kiss inside your stomach.

The sounds they were making were so hot. These two men who had big egos and tough exteriors, now whimpering and falling apart from the way you were taking their raging cocks. They both had fucked so many girls but it wasn’t now, fucking you, that they were finally being satisfied. It was as if all those girls were just practice to prepare for fucking you. Billy and Eddie reached over your body to high-five each other.

Eventually, they switched things up. Eddie sat on the couch, man spreading, as he smacked his thighs signaling you to hop on. His cock stuck up between his legs like a mighty tower. You slowly sat down on him and felt your pussy become stretched as you slid down to rest on his balls. You faced Billy who was now completely naked and holding his cock with his right hand, jacking it off. Your eye grazed his impressive body with lust as you noticed his chiseled abs, his bulging bicep when he pumped his cock, and his thick, muscular legs that were spread as he stood sturdy. Your eyes stayed focused on him as the rest of your body flew up and down as Eddie commanded you to ride his cock. You couldn’t close your mouth no matter how hard you tried.

Billy walked over to you and inserted one of your bouncing tits into his mouth. He sucked on the nipple as your ass hopped up and down Eddies cock. Eddie ran his hands through your hair from behind and thrusted his hips upwards into you. Billy continued worshipping your body like you were a princess. Nuzzling his face between your tits and leaving blue hickeys around your nipples. Billy crouched down and licked the top of your pussy as it got hammered by Eddie’s cock. He coated your pussy and the head of Eddie’s cock with his saliva to better lubricate it. Eddie sped up the rhythm making your pussy louder as it gushed even more.

Just as you felt the pressure of your climax approaching, Billy pulled you off Eddie’s cock and pushed your head into the couch cushion. He lifted your ass up with his hands and fucked you relentlessly into the sofa with all his energy. His thick cock plunging in and out of your pussy rapidly. Your muted moans were still so apparent from the unexpected change and without you even realizing it, you were cumming all over Billy’s swole cock. The feeling of your pussy tightening around Billy’s cock triggered his own orgasm as he shot several rounds of his white, sticky cum deep inside your cunt. Eddie pulled Billy away from you, and the boys eagerly raced to lick the cum out of your pussy. Both men’s tongues fighting to lick up every drop. You looked down at their determined faces with their tongues sticking out. You almost hyperventilated.

To repay Eddie, you got down on all fours and sucked the cum out of his cock. Giving him special attention as he filled your mouth with his semen and you held it between your chubby cheeks. Dribbles of white spilling out as you looked up at him and swallowed. Billy patted Eddie’s shoulder and they shook hands. Unable to pick a winner, you requested a rematch.

[autisticrosewilson]

Todd Family Tree pt. 1

I know you guys have been waiting with baited breath for this (Read: no one but me and a handful of select mutuals care), but fret not because it's finally here.

Let's start with the side of Jason's family we know the most about, Willis's. A lot of things I'll have to say about Willis himself will be things I've said before with maybe some new additions, but a lot of the focus will be on his relationships with his family anyway so hopefully it won't get too repetitive.

Someone on my last Todd Family post commented that the Ma Gunn aspect may have been retconned, however I already integrated it into my personal canon so let's just keep going shall we?

Also shout-out to @perseus-jackass who let me ramble to them about all of this and helped me iron out some of the finer details!

The Todd/Gunn Family; Canon:

- Willis reportedly named Jason after his father, Jason Todd Sr.

- Faye Gunn II is the niece of Willis which implies Willis has at least one sibling that is never mentioned, although Faye was either raised by or very close to Ma

- Faye was named after Ma implying that whichever sibling she was raised by was close to Ma

- Assuming Gunn is her maiden name, or perhaps an alias, she didn't keep her husband's last name and Jason Sr. Is never mentioned, which could mean that they split or that he's dead

- Obviously from a meta textual stand point the reason Ma Gunn was never mentioned as Jason's grandmother is because it was a later retcon, but in universe this and Willis's choice to keep his father's last name implies he wasn't fond of his mother/was closer to his father

Sub note: The candidates for Jason's mother included Lady Shiva (I'll get into my thoughts on her in Part 3) and an Israeli woman. Edit: @ammomancer informed me that Jason was Spanish (Basque specifically) in the Bombshells continuity as well!

- Ma was implied to be from Australia, and likely taught there for a time.

- Ma implied that she had sons, and possibly that they're dead. (I have obviously disregarded this, but I'm not against the interpretation that one or both of the girls are trans.)

So my version of Jason is black/Asian/Latino! I think he's Japanese/Indian from his mom and black/Latino from Willis so keep that in mind.

Fleshing Them Out; My Expansion:

I'll start with Ma Gunn, since we see the most of her in the comics and she has the most groundwork laid for her already. Mostly I'd like to make her a little more complex.

She's proven to be a ruthlessly pragmatic character, but I don't see her being someone who does what she does for fun. She's someone who values control, someone who doesn't take perceived slights lightly. I imagine growing up a woman on Gotham's streets with so many relations to organized crime builds grit, spawns bitterness and hate. She seems like the type to value tradition - in the Gotham crime family way- this is how she was raised and the way she raised her own children. There is no changing the world they live in, only surviving it. I think she really wanted to teach her kids, both the ones she birthed and the ones she fosters, how to survive.

That's not to say she really cares though, I don't think she's close enough to anyone to really care, even if maybe in the early days of motherhood she wanted to be. She's a stone cold bitch and she's proud of it, she made her kids strong and look at the reputation it's given her. Ma Gunn's school for wayward boys isn't just for strays anymore, there are some big names dropping their brats off for training these days. Crime lord daycare. Truly, only in Gotham.

Jason Todd Sr. Is a non-character. We know basically nothing but his name and that his marriage failed, and he's probably very dead. Which may or may not be related to said failed marriage.

Do I think Ma hired a hit on her husband? I wouldn't put it past her. I think she'd get rid of anyone if they were dragging her or the family down.

We can assume he was close to Willis, and I like to think that Mr. Todd was the homemaker because I can't really imagine Ma staying home to tend the kids. It's more likely her version of family bonding was a bank heist. Willis may have very well learned to drive from high speed car chases.

I think it would be very funny if Mr. Todd is from some third or fourth rate crime family that's using a mechanic shop as a front but Mr. Todd was actually really interested in it so he got an engineering degree and had little to nothing to do with the actual crime side of things. Maybe his family married him off to make him someone else's problem and while the Gunn's aren't a notable crime family they have a lot of resources and a lot of contacts, not to mention the small army of feral children.

Ma thought she was getting a seasoned criminal to help fund her illicit activities but instead he's a stay at home dad who has turned their home into a board game because he insists on fixing it all himself (if you use the microwave the doorbell might ring and you need a screw driver to use the shower ect.)

A lot of the experiences I associate Jason having with Willis I imagine Willis had with Mr. Todd, doing homework together, working on cars in the garage, Willis definitely learned how to cook from Mr. Todd because I just don't think Ma can do better than hamburger helper and public school lunch.

For the sibling situation, and I have no real evidence canon has completely left the building with this one, but I think he has sisters. Middle child Willis and also boy who grew up with all sisters Willis is real to me for reasons I couldn't say.

Completely made both of them up, but this is my house I can do what I want.

I'll start with the oldest sister, who I've decided to call Celia. I think she's the closest to her mother, the one who took over after her. Probably a serious, studious kind of person, she grew up with more opportunities than Ma did so she probably had more schooling. I can definitely see Celia as someone who worked her ass off to bring home good grades to make her mom proud and always falling short because Ma didn't really value traditional education.

Her and Willis definitely clashed growing up, Willis never liked Ma but Celia idolized her. Where Ma's crude demeanor and distance drove Willis to acts of rebellion it made Celia even more desperate to please.

Although I'm sure Willis would deny it, I think it's still a sore spot to him that Celia's way kind of worked. Once she got old enough to really learn about the business Celia was great at it, Ma started coming around to the benefits of having someone better with the numbers and paperwork.

I think that even after Willis leaves he genuinely tries to keep in touch with everyone, I don't think he ever stops trying to reach out to Celia. I don't think he agrees with who she became even if he saw it coming, regardless of how much he doesn't like their mother (he'd never say he hates her) Celia is still the girl who put bandaids on his scraped knees and let him crawl into her bed when he had nightmares and he can't bring himself to cut contact with her.

Celia is nicer than Ma, more adept at caring for the kids and because of this she earns their trust more which ultimately makes them more loyal to the Gunn's. This is a purposeful tactic because although she does see the kids as her own she doesn't see anything wrong with manipulating them for her gain. They're family, and family always want to help each other.

Jason was not allowed to visit his auntie, and didn't even know his grandmother was still alive.

I don't think she'd have a husband or boyfriend, a romantic relationship would take too much attention away from her business and if there's one thing she learned from her mother it's that a man would only drag her down or try to control her.

Willis is, to the surprise of no one, is who I have the most to say about but I'll try to keep it brief. For all he gets a bad rep I think he's a family man at heart, I'm positive he always planned on kids even if he wasn't sure about settling down with anyone at first.

Mostly because his mom kept trying to arrange marriages which is how he ended up dating Sheila for a time...which obviously didn't work out. One could say he wasn't keen on a repeat performance after that fell apart.

Man whore I fear, Gotham's fourth most bisexual man. Where's that one post about the goon who causes a distraction for his boss by making out with the bank teller and his wife. That's literally him Willis Todd ghost wrote that post. I'll get more into his various relationships in Part 3.

This man was born to tell dad jokes and wear funky ties but he's forced to live a life of violence and crime. Because of poverty and generational trauma.

I think the most tragic part of Willis Todd is that he tried. He loved his wife and he loved Jason and he gave everything he had to providing for them so Jason wouldn't have to grow up like he did but it ended the same anyway. And he'd never be disappointed in Jason, although Jason thinks he would, because home knows his son and he knows Jason wouldn't do it unless he really thought he was helping people.

I know everyone holds the opinion that Catherine was the most serious about Jason's school but I argue it's Willis, Cathy taught Jason to love learning but Willis taught him the importance of it. I think Willis always got good grades but he never went to college because part of ditching his family was ditching their money and most of what he made went towards supporting himself.

I've named the youngest sister Joan, and I think it's important to define her relationships more than her personality for reasons I'll get into in a bit.

For continuity's and sake I'll say she was a pre-teen when Willis moved out at 18-19, which would give her a large gap between both Willis and Celia - who I imagine are maybe two or three years apart - age wise. So while Willis likely tried to take care of her, to influence her away from their mom and sister, I don't think he was super fond of being at home to begin with so I don't think he was around much and I think Mr. Todd died not long after she was born so she didn't really have the gentle hand that Wills did growing up.

This left her with little to rely on but Ma and Celia, it was a real rock and hard place. Ma is honest in her ruthlessness at least, but Celia uses her love as a tool for manipulation. I'm sure she grew up right beside the other kids at Ma's school.

So I think it's no wonder that when she found herself with a baby she had no clue how to take care of, it was very easy for her mom and sister to convince her to give the baby over. Easy for Joan to decide that her daughter was in better hands with Celia as her mother.

And then Joan...vanished. No note, no phone call, no body. Most suspect it was Ma who did it, even though the woman had her kids - former and present - rip the city apart looking for her. No one knows the full story, and no one knows Joan Gunn's whereabouts.

Well, no one except Willis Todd, not that anyone else knows that.

Faye Gunn II has a lot of potential. I think there's a chance for her to parallel Jason. They both grew up on the streets and both have affiliations with organized crime, but where Faye is comfortable perpetuating the cycle of violence expected of the Gunn women Jason spends every night busting his ass to make sure another kid never has to go through what he did.

I also think it would be fun if maybe Faye wasn't entirely human, y'know give her a little bit of meta gene as a treat. Beast Boy isn't using the name Changeling anymore and I've long subscribed to Gotham operating by faerie rules so maybe she can borrow it for a few issues.

I don't have many thoughts on her as is but I'd like to do more with her in the future!

This got really long and I'm certain it will only get longer with the next additions. The next part will focus on the Clemens/Johnson family! Catherine Todd lovers stay tuned for part 2. Remember that all of this is just how I view them based on the cookie crumbs we get about them in canon.

[littlefreckles4]

Is your jock-strap brain fried?

Eddie Munson x short!ginger! Reader

Warnings: fluff, language (because she’s a feisty little bitch) blood, violence

I was finally out of first period. I skipped down the hall to Eddies locker, excited to see his pretty face, but was met with just the cold metal. Second period rolled around, and he was still nowhere to be found. It was strange. We had every class together besides first period. He’s always here. I pouted through all of second period, bored out of my mind without Eddie bugging me for a pencil, or hitting me in the back of the head with the little love notes he loved to give me.

Soon enough lunch time rolled around. I walked into the cafeteria, hopefully to see Eddie’s mop of curls standing on a table ranting about “forced conformity”, but was met with the hellfire table crowded around him.

“Baby, where were you all second period? I was mis-WHAT HAPPENED?” He turned to look me, eye purple and black, almost swollen completely shut. Blood leaked down his nose and into his mouth.

Eddie looks up as he hears my voice, a pained smile on his bruised face. He tries to stand but winces in pain, sinking back down onto the bench. He reaches for my hand and brings it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss against your knuckles. “Hey there...”

“Don’t ‘hey’ me Edward! Who the fuck did this?” Eddie's smile fades, replaced by a scowl. He looks away from me and grits his teeth. “It doesn't matter...” He murmurs, trying to hide the pain in his voice. He squeezes my hand instead, looking back at me with puppy dog eyes. “I missed you so much...”

“Yes it does matter!” I could hear Jason at the jocks table snickering. “Oh I’m gonna fucking kill him.” I turned on my heels and headed for Jason’s table. Eddie tries to stand again, this time managing to struggle to his feet. “No... no, don't.” He pleads, hobbling after me as quickly as he can without stumbling. While the rest of the hellfire club watches with a mix of shock, concern and admiration. He reaches out for me desperately but falls short. “Baby... please don't...” He calls weakly before collapsing back onto the bench.

I don’t listen. I walk straight up to Jason, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I yelled at him. Jason sneers at me, his friends chuckling in the background. He leans back in his chair, not intimidated. “What's wrong with me? You're the one with the weird obsession with that freak,” He spits out, nodding towards Eddie. His friends burst into laughter at the insult.

“Weird obsession? He’s my boyfriend you fucking jackass! Do you really wanna have this conversation with me right now Jason?” Eddie's eyes widen and he shakes his head, pleading with me silently. He tries to stand up again but falls back down onto the bench, a grimace of pain on his face. “Don't... please. Just let it go. “He murmurs, struggling to catch his breath. “It's not worth it...” “Shut up Edward,” I said as I slowly lifted my arms to put my air up in a makeshift pony tail. “Ansewer me Jason! Or is your jock strap brain too fried?”

Jason's face flushes bright red at the insult, obviously livid now. He stands up abruptly, knocking his chair over. His friends look around awkwardly, unsure of what to do. He takes a step closer to me, towering over me with an intimidating height. “You little bitch! You better watch what you say to me.” “Is that really the best insult you could dish? That’s fucking lame.”

Jason's hands clench into fists at his sides. He's breathing heavily, clearly trying to control his anger. He takes another step closer to me, his face inches from mine. “You're playing with fire, sweetheart,” He growls, his voice low and menacing. “You don't want to mess with me or my friends.” He nods to his crew and they slowly start to get up, surrounding me on all sides. “I don’t give two fucks who the fuck you and your friends are. PLEASE TAKE A FUCKING SWING. I fucking dare you.”

Jason's eyes narrow into slits, his jaw clenching so hard it looks like his teeth might crack. He takes another step, bringing his face even closer to mine. I can see the tension in his shoulders, the coiled energy as he prepares to strike. “You want it, huh?”He sneers, spittle flying from his lips. “Alright then...” Before Jason could raise a fist, mine went flying into his nose, sending him back against the table.

Eddie gasps at the sudden violence, eyes widening in shock. He watches as Jason reels back, blood spurting from his broken nose. The rest of the jocks stumble back, surprised by the swift retaliation. “Holy shit...” “The fuck were you saying Carver?” Jason wipes his nose on his shirt sleeve, smearing blood across the fabric. He's clearly stunned, but still standing. He glares at me, his voice strained and thick with anger. “You're fucking dead.” His words are filled with venom, but there's a noticeable quiver behind them.

“Oh so getting your shit rocked by the boarder-lined midget wasn’t enough for you? Okay the tough guy, come at me. You should know by now, with my hair, and being as short as I am I’m way closer to hell than you are and my relationship with Satan is a whole lot better. He’s pretty much my bitch.” The other jocks laugh at my taunt, but Jason's expression remains deadly serious. His eyes flash with fury as he takes a step forward, ignoring the blood dripping down his face. “Shut up, you little bitch.” He snarls, lunging at me with a vicious punch.

“Make. Me.” Jason's fist connects with my jaw with a sickening crack, sending me flying backwards. I hit the wall hard, pain exploding through my head as I slide down to the floor. Through blurry vision, I see Jason advance on, his face contorted in rage. “That's one, you little slut.” He spits at my feet. “Two more and I'll make you eat that mouthy attitude.”

The anger in me started to blur my vision. I rared back my fist, punching him square in the nose again, sending Jason to the floor. The jocks around me gasp as I punch Jason again, watching in shock as he falls to the ground next to me. Blood pours from his nose, staining the floor a dark red. For a moment, the room is silent, then the jocks start to murmur among themselves.

I bent down and harshly grabbed the color of Jason’s bloodied jersey, “If you or your stupid fuck buddies EVER touch Eddie again….I swear to fucking god I’ll send your nose into your fucking brain.” Jason's eyes widen in surprise as I grab his jersey, pulling him closer to me. My voice is low and dangerous, my eyes burning with anger. The other jocks take a step back, watching the scene unfold with wide eyes.

“LISTEN UP!” I screamed out to the whole cafeteria. “I BETTER NOT HEAR OR SEE OF ANYONE TOUCHING EDDIE, OR CALLING HIM A FREAK, OR BEING HATEFUL. IS THAT FUCKING CLEAR?” I look back at Jason, “You’re fucking pathetic. Just got your ass beat by a fucking leprechaun.”

Jason's face turns a deep shade of red as I scream at the cafeteria. The jocks around me shift uneasily, not meeting my gaze. Jason's eyes glisten with unshed tears, his lip quivering with anger and shame. “Get the fuck outta my fucking face Carver,” I seethe. Jason scrambles to his feet, not daring to meet my eyes. He stumbles away from me, his head hung low in defeat. The other jocks quickly disperse, not wanting to be on my bad side. The cafeteria falls silent, the only sound the soft hum of the fluorescent lights overhead.

I look over at Eddie, his face in pure shock. “Eds, you okay?” He looked at me for a moment before throwing his arms around me. His face dug into the top of my head. “Y-You didn’t have to do that.” I reached up on my toes and pulled his face up. “What? Was the, ‘my sexy short ginger girlfriend’ beating the shit out of Jason Carver the equivalent of porn to you?” Eddie laughed and shook his head. He bent down, way down, and pressed a tender kiss to my lips. “Mhm, I almost busted in my pants watching that. Seriously, baby you didn’t have to do that.” “I know, but I don’t like seeing you like this. Plus, the whole schools terrified of the short emo ginger girl now. I’ve declared that Satan is in fact my bitch.”

He laughed again. He kissed my lips again, hands cradling my face. His thumb ran over the faint bruise starting to form from Jason’s weak ass punch. “Ain’t no one messing you with you baby.”

[miscellaneoussmp]

I want my happy-ish domestic ending, so I wrote it myself. Anyways, here's Emi's sixteenth birthday (cw/tw: death mentions):

When Emi woke up, she was filled with excitement. Today, she was officially sixteen. She had lived one more year, and that was something, right? She had a relatively normal life now. She was adopted all those years ago. She goes to school and hangs out with friends like all teenagers her age do. After getting up from bed, she walked into the kitchen of the apartment, passing Luis, who was sleeping on the couch. A note was held on the fridge door with a magnet. It was from Benito. It said he had to go into work early, but hopefully, he'll be back in time to celebrate her birthday. It finished with him telling her to have a good day. Emi tried her best not to feel upset as she knew Benito was out here saving people. Like how he saved her. She made herself a bowl of cereal and sat on the arm rest of the couch where Luis slept. The tv was playing some old reality show that Emi didn't much care for.

School was pretty normal for Emi, aside from being given a few happy birthdays and a small gift of a cookie from a friend. There was only one hiccup in the day. Honestly, it really isn't a hiccup, just a surpise. A substitute teacher called full names on the roster, including hers Emilía-Lucie Camelo. When her adoption became official, she was allowed to change her name. She thinks it was meant for her to only change her last name, but when she added Lucie to her first name, Benito smiled so brightly at her. It was another way to keep Lucie's memory and legacy alive.

After school was over, Emi went back to the apartment she shared with Benito and Luis. Only Luis was home as it was his day off from working night-shift security at some fancy hotel. He greeted her and wished her a happy birthday while ruffling her head under her beanie. The two sat in comfortable silence while she did homework, and Luis did some minor chores. Near sunset, there was knocking at the door. When Luis opened the door, there stood Jeffrey and Diego. The two had been traveling around the world working through whatever they needed to work through. They still made time to be in Emi's life when possible as they, Diego mostly, took comfort in her being living proof of Lucie's memory. After a small group hug, they four took some time to eat a few snacks and watched some more trash tv together like a family would. They are a family afterall.

Benito came back just a bit after sunset with a cake and a few candles. It was too long after, when Emi sat at the dining table with a cake in front of her with some candles stuck in it. "She would be very proud of you if she was here, Emi," Diego spoke, and Emi's started to tear up. "Don't make her cry on her birthday, jackass." Benito immediately responded with both Luis and Jeffrey giving him 'what the fuck' type looks. Diego immediately apologized, saying sorry quickly in rapid secession. Emi found herself laughing softly as the candles were lit. She closed her eyes and blew out the candles. Her wish was for her to make what happened all those years ago worth it. Her birthday cake was caramel apple flavored.

[rainytomorrows]

Bayverse!TMNT x reader | boyfriend headcanons ♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡

Leonardo -SHOW OFF. Raphael will be straight up about it, but Leo will entirely deny how much of a diva he is -Like doing completely unnecessary flips if you're watching -Is either really good or really bad at comforting you -Had a bad day? Hopefully, you really like meditation -"Some jackass threw their food at me at work today" he has a cup of tea and guided meditation ready -Sure he'll listen if you don't want to but he's. Very insistent -Absolute loser -You can't ever change my mind -The type to act all high and mighty because he knows how strong he is, but he also knows he's just some dude, ykwim? -As in he's a total nerd -Don't buy him merch of the shows he likes unless you want to watch him try and fail to bite back tears -You have to figure out his interests on your own because he won't tell you. Invite him to watch it with you, and he'll 'reluctantly' agree. Crossing his arms and looking serious but you can see the look in his eyes -Acts of service. He likes to show how useful he is -Opens doors, and pulls your chair out for you. Sure the rest of them do too, but he does it to such an extent. You barely do anything yourself in the lair if he's not busy -You could ask him to be a personal ladder honestly. Strokes his ego to think of how tall he is -Lowkey think he's listened to car seat headrest at least once -Not just trying to relate to him. He HAS to have had an emo phase -He got caught listening to sober to death and was meditating a full couple of hours after the fact. He was so embarrassed -A little possessive. Slightly -He wants people to know you're taken -The others enjoy that thought, sure. But Leo hates to admit he gets more worked up over it -Subtly gifts you things to wear so you can say "my boyfriend gave it to me"

Raphael -Definitely an asshole. /Positive -He knows exactly how to push your buttons and he WILL -Most of the time though he knows when to stop -Emphasis on 'most of the time'. Sometimes he goes too far and has to make up for it -You can tell when he's planning to tease you all-day -You enter the lair and there's an immediate shit-eating grin on his face. You know immediately he's going to be insufferable -You can't reallyyyy complain though, can you? -Pretty confident, but only once he's actually dating you -Before you ask him out he's real insecure about being a mutant -Still is after, but wayyyy less. Suddenly more confident in how tall and strong he is -And funny -Why would he be intimidated if you want to go out in whatever clothes you want? He can watch from afar if he needs -You wouldn't cheat on him, he knows that -Who can compete? Exactly -Honestly I see him listening to Arctic Monkeys and Tyler the Creator. Don't know what it is. -Has probably thought about kissing you to Knee Socks -Don't tell him he has tiktok music taste he'll start seething -He's the type to coincidentally grow up on the music that's going viral and he can't defend himself -Might excuse himself to the punching bag -Being a mutant mostly frustrates the part of him that wants to show you off to everyone -If he could he'd humiliate any guy that doesn't listen when you turn down their advances -Def the type to see it happening and just. Stand behind you. His stature says enough for him. -Guard dog-esque -Walking right beside you, sometimes right behind you if needed -Whatever makes you both feel as if you're safest -If he could be in public, would absolutely walk with you on the inside of the sidewalk at all times -Kisses you wherever he can reach randomly (forehead, hand, shoulder, hips, whatever is closest)

Donatello -So observant. I'll die on this hill -Sometimes he's dumb but that's not his fault -One of your jokes might fly right over his head every once in a while but he knows exactly how many degrees you like your drink to be -If you have sensory issues you swear he has a superpower for solving it -Won't even know why you're frustrated yet until he casually does something like turn the lights down or hand you headphones -Possibly the corniest. Corny ass nicknames and everything -Fully supports any outfit you wear. He very much values your sense in fashion, whether that means your outfit is showy or very alternative -I think he'd fit very well with an alt partner who likes to be in charge half the time -Puts in a lot of effort. While it can be attributed to him wanting to prove he's worth it, he also just really likes how happy you get -Feels bad about how often he works, and will let you sit with him in the garage while he does so. You get to choose the music -Will drive you anywhere in the truck. Tinted the windows and everything to be sure -You spent too long at the lair and need to get to work? He's already dragging you over by the hand -He had to admit he added safety precautions to your phone the one time he found out you were drunk without a ride at a party. "You put a mic in my phone?" "Only for certain keywords!" -Under any other circumstances you'd have dumped him but. You figured being raised as a mutant ninja had effects on his development and sense of privacy. He was probably one of the only guys you'd believe when he said it was for your safety -Had to have a talk about boundaries but you kept most of the stuff he added to your phone -Will advocate that you learn how but if an appointment needs to be made and you can't figure it out or otherwise, he'll have it made. He'll watch you struggle for maybe a minute or so before he gives in and gently takes the phone

Michaelangelo -I think he knows exactly how to be serious when it's needed -Do nawt be tricked by how flirtatious he is and how often he jokes around -He knows exactly when you are upset. He will show up with something -You never know what to expect. His gifts really could be anything -Sometimes it's food, sometimes it's homemade crafts, once he got you a pack of paper towels and new socks. You weren't at all sure how he knew you were running out. -Sometimes tries to act really stupid if you're annoyed. Still thinking about some stupid customer a couple days ago? Mikey's been mewing for like 20 minutes and hopes it's distracting you -Also fully supports your fashion, but if he can he'll match somehow. Even if it's just one necklace/bracelet -You can in fact give him any jewelry he'll wear it. Or try to. -You might need to reassure him once or twice a blue moon -He keeps everything you give him. EVERYTHING -Shelf dedicated to every rock and trinket you gave to him -You were surprised at how much he likes baking and cooking. Though, with how much he likes food you shouldn't have been surprised at all -Makes your favorite food if you're over for dinner, or any meal -Sometimes shows up with Tupperware -He's meal prepped your lunch for the week -You called him a male wife once and he liked it a lot more than you expected. -Loves white girl music. Gwen Stefani any day of the week. Mikey is probably the best choice in the world for karaoke -Invite him please he will go HAM on any song you chose -Even if he doesn't know it. Just give him the lyrics -Leaves his weights out for you to find -Likes kissing your forehead and your hand a lot specifically

♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡ I hope you enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun writing this. Please I beg the lord for a big guy who's kind of in charge but also will listen to me anytime. I beg. Anyhow, have a good night/day, and a great life!

[frickatives]

[teaser] against better judgement [f!reader bounty hunter x mando]

[read on AO3] [masterlist] [next chapter]

[a/n] HI HELLO I've had this enemies-to-lovers fic idea rattling around in my brain for a year or so, and I decided I'm going to put it out into the world! I've had so much fun reading everyone's Mando fics over the years, and I'd love to be more active in the community. Setting is post-season-2, and will deviate wildly from canon from there. I'm planning to have the first chapter ready to go (hopefully) next Monday (8/14), but until then I wanted to get the first snippet out into the world to get more comfortable sharing my writing after not doing so for... at least a decade, whoops. I HOPE YOU ENJOY AND I HOPE YOUR WEEK IS FULL OF DELIGHT ❤️❤️❤️

[warnings/tags] canon typical violence, gore (? light body horror??), mentions of death and injury, thirst for sweet vengeance, fem!reader, no use of y/n, the slowest burn, enemies to lovers, bounty hunter reader, comically hostile workplace

[wc] ~700, just a lil' preview/intro

You crouch down behind the rock, not believing your eyes.

They have to be wrong. Misinformed. You must be imagining things, because you think you're seeing an all-too-familiar quicksilver jackass creeping up on your bounty, and that simply isn't possible. 

You look again. Quadruple checking. 

Sure enough, it's him. He's kneeling by the entrance to the bunker, tracking fob in hand. You'd know that ridiculous helmet anywhere.

Rage boils over in your gut, so fast that it physically cramps something. You knew that the kriffing Guild– that kriffing Karga offered to keep the sentient trash chute on as a hunter, even after what he did to them – to you – on Nevarro, but being confronted by it makes you break into a cold sweat. You'd heard he'd turned the Guild down, but the very real hunter taking a few paces away from the bunker's hatch says otherwise. 

The scar that bisects your chest and abdomen aches and tightens. Your hand settles over it, out of habit.

He blows the bunker door open with a charge. 

The sound echoes, ricocheting across the barren, rocky surface of the valley, bouncing up the stony hillsides around you. You flinch. You've been on edge this whole damn time, even before that bastard showed up – you don't like being forced to take the low ground. It feels too much like begging to get shot. 

Your armor scrapes against stone, and you duck down as quickly as you can in case he's heard – it's unlikely, over the sound of the blast, but you remember what it was like to be hunted down by those Mandalorians on Nevarro. 

Their reflexes were preternatural. 

You remember waking to the sound of a gunfight outside, and rushing out of the hostel with your sidearm in-hand, and stepping into a street overflowing with chaos and screaming. You didn't know what was happening. It seemed like nobody did.

You saw Guild hunters, a few you recognized from Karga's place, taking aim at the sky. 

You remember looking up, too, and then fighting for your life against a small army of Mandalorians. You had no idea where they'd come from, why they were attacking the city, but you knew the men from the Guild and you didn't want to see them killed. 

You fought for what felt like hours, but was probably only minutes, until you were cornered in an alley by a big brute with a wicked curved blade of mirror-polished beskar.

You remember being cut open. Filleted. One powerful swipe of that blade, one bad misstep of your own treacherous feet. You remember the feeling of parts of you shifting – slipping around inside, spilling out, moving to places they didn't belong. That sensation haunts you, yanks you out of sleep by your throat some nights, even now, even months and months later. 

You remember the indignation. The wrath. How dare they do this to you? How dare they kill you here, like this?

But they hadn't. You'd woken up a few days later in a half-rate bacta tank, and you'd heard the story of the siege on Nevarro. 

Heard that it was his fault. That loner Mandalorian, freshly kitted out in head-to-toe beskar, who never so much as had a conversation with any of you before he decided to sic his underground militia on you all.

You ought to be afraid, you think. This ought to be grounds for scrapping this whole job. Any reasonable person would turn tail, run back to the shuttle depot, and catch the fastest ride off this rock, rather than risk a repeat-filleting.

You've never been a reasonable person.

You're too focused on the astronomical odds of the situation: him, here, unaware of your presence; you, alive, armed, angry, and poised to do something about it, after all this time. The opportunity for vengeance is too sweet, too ripe. It's like the universe is placing it in your palm, wrapping your fingers around it with her gentle, generous hands. Whispering for you to just take it. 

Tucked into your hiding spot behind the rock, millions of clicks from Nevarro, resolve settles like a brick in your stomach. 

You're going to kill the Mandalorian.

[continue to chapter 1]

[honeyjars-sims]

2.2 Cool Girl

Johnny: What’s going on? You seem a little stressed.

Chantal: I’m itching. It’s that stupid lube.

Johnny: Uh, ok, that’s a little more information than I needed.

Chantal: I didn’t put it there. I had to write some reviews for some of SNOOT’s sexual health products, so I tested one of the lubes on my wrist to see if it seemed ok. But now my skin is all inflamed.

Johnny: Gross, are you allergic to it or something?

Chantal: I don’t know. I don’t usually have sensitive skin, and this seems different somehow. It’s almost like a burn.

Johnny: Weird! What’s in that stuff anyway?

Chantal: Here’s the bottle. I should’ve known Ambrose would be putting weird shit in her products.

Johnny: [reading on his phone] Uh oh. Looks like you’re not the only one having this problem. Listen to this review: “They should call this Satan’s Lube because my cooch is burning like hellfire.”

Chantal: Are you serious? Let me see! Oh, God. [reading] “This stuff gave me a bad chemical burn. My sex life is ruined!” What the hell? This is terrible! I can’t put my name on a positive review of something like this. I’ve gotta call my boss.

Johnny: Did they post your review already? 

Chantal: No, I sent it in for approval a little bit ago. Hopefully he sees where I’m coming from.

Johnny: Writing reviews for the company you work for seems sketchy anyhow. Have you asked your boss about doing something different?

Chantal: Not yet. He’s been pretty receptive to my ideas so far, but I don’t want to be too pushy.

Johnny: You don’t want to be pushy? You spent our entire childhood telling all of our teachers that their classroom management skills sucked and explaining how to run their classrooms for maximum efficiency.

Chantal: Well, this is different. If I play my cards right, I could be at this company for a long time. I want to make an impression, but I also have to know my place.

Johnny: Wait, your boss isn’t the guy that you have a thing with, right?

Chantal: I don't have a thing with him. We’re keeping it professional. Why does that matter anyway?

Johnny: I don’t know. I just hope you’re not doing the “cool girl” thing where you’re being overly agreeable so a guy will like you. That’s some dumb shit that Mom would tell you to do.

Chantal: That’s not what I’m doing. I just want to be a good employee. Besides, I don’t think being agreeable is a bad thing. A lot of guys get intimidated when they see how driven I am. Maybe I need a softer approach.

Johnny: That’s because those guys think they’re “alphas” and can’t stand the idea of a woman being independent and successful. You don't want that type of guy anyway.

Chantal: Oh, I didn’t realize I was talking to the World’s Best Male Feminist. You’re reading way too much into this. All I’m saying is it’s good to have a little balance. Why don't you go hang out with your girlfriend or something?

Johnny: Ok, I’ll go see my girlfriend that I respect as my equal. I hope playing it cool with your very professional boss works out for you.

Chantal: Oh, don’t worry, it will. Jackass!

Johnny: Love you, sis!

Chantal: Love you more, bubs!

[Chantal calls Nico]

Chantal: Hi Nico, I’m sorry to bother you, but I need to talk about my latest review.

Nico: Sure, Chantal. I just got it approved for publishing. What’s up?

Chantal: Well, I and a lot of other people experienced some unpleasant skin issues after using the Come Together couples lube set. I just figured Ambrose would want to look into the issue before any positive reviews are published. It wouldn’t be a good look for the company if something turns out to be wrong with the product, you know?

Nico: You’re right about that! Thanks for letting me know, Chantal. I’ll reach out to Ambrose so she can find out what’s going on and I’ll make sure the review doesn’t get published. Good looking out!

Chantal: Anytime!

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[toxicanonymity]

Toxic: this is from 🎃 anon who kindly asked about writing something for me. this is amazing and it starts after cucking stepdad with another Joel so read that first. so many references 😭 💗

Anonymous asked:

Halloween here! Here's my lil fic just for you. I had fun rereading both Joels' fics and tossing in some inside jokes and hopefully captured their mannerisms and speech (dialogue is hard for me). Thank youuuuu!:) (also ur the genius not me lol). SDJ=Stepdad Joel

Joelkemon Universe What If?

(what if you met up with Thighs after your latest cucking fun) BY HALLOWEEN ANON

1.5k, thighs out!Joel x f!reader, cuck!SDJ

After the three of you come off your high, SDJ shuffles into the pool’s bathroom/locker room to clean up. He doesn’t come out for a while, and you and Thighs Out swim around a little and you chat and flirt together. You find out he's staying at the resort for two weeks partly on vacation and partly for work. He's a sports agent for a very famous golfer who now in old age is more famous for their spokesperson work for the resort and makes surprise appearances in the course for golf fans.

You both agree to meet for dinner that evening at the nicest restaurant on the water. “If you need anything in the meantime, sugar,” he brushes his thumb against your lip and you sigh. He looks up past your shoulder and his eyebrows go up. “Just give me a call.” He kisses your hand and nods his head, calling over your shoulder “Take care buddy!” to SDJ who just came back from the locker room and has a permascowl across his face. He looks between the two of you and shakes his head. “For god’s sake”, he mutters under his breath and huffs off while you lay on one of the chairs, soaking up the sun with your book. 

You tell your mom and SDJ you have dinner plans with someone and your mom says something like “good for you girl!’ but SDJ's jaw drops and he blurts out a short "No!" and then covers his mouth. Your mom laughs and smacks him in the chest. "Oh c'mon hon she's an adult. Don't be such a square.” You hear them leave while you're in your room getting ready.  

You change into a snug, lacy swimsuit coverup that could pass for a dress. You put on a new, skimpier swimsuit underneath and some strappy, tall sandals. Thighs sends you the name of the restaurant and you send him a mirror selfie from the bathroom. “Damn, sugar 💦 Don’t keep Daddy waiting 🦪” You mentally agree to yourself to send him at least three nude selfie that night during dinner. 

At the restaurant Thighs treats you to drinks and the best meal you’ve had the whole vacation. He asks about SDJ’s deal and you tell him the abridged version of your history. 

“Yeah, he sounds like a-” 

“Jackass, I know” you sigh. 

“I was gonna to say a dumbass prude, but that works too." He leans back and takes a drag of his vape (🍃) and blows it out to sea. "No way I could stop myself if you were under my roof. Hell, no way I'd wanna.” He licks his lips. This stirs something in you and you feel your core pulse under your dampening bikini bottoms. He passes you the pen and you take a huge hit.

“So, do you want to fuck him? No judgement if you do.” He puts his hands up defensively. You hesitate and he laughs.

“Alright..do you want to fuck with him?" You decide he's onto something and you both start plotting.

You move to the bar of the restaurant after dinner and the sun has almost set. You send SDJ a snapchat pic of you holding your near empty margarita glass in front of the sunset. He opens it but immediately notices a glint of light on your chest: it's a very familiar looking gold chain. He immediately messages you to Take That Off and Who Took That Picture. You ignore him and ten minutes later he sends you a link to a stunning and extremely expensive Zeels diamond necklace and message that just says "please" and “im sry”. Maybe we're being too hard on him you tell Thighs. “You could be harder on me,” Thighs pouts jokingly. “You know I’d be happy to return the favor.” You smile and tell him to close his eyes. His eyebrows shoot up and he grins, eyes closed. “Okay, you can open them.” There’s something soft and hot pink sitting on the small bread plate he didn’t use from dinner. Thighs out drops his jaw, for once since you met him, he is speechless.

You text SDJ a thumbs up emoji and a selfie of yourself without the chain. You're leaning over, giving him a decent view of your tits that he came to not four hours earlier. 

SDJ tries to video chat you and you decline the call. He calls you and you pick up, "What is it now?". "Just missin' you s'all." SDJ slurs drunkenly. Your mom made friends with a bachelorette party so I'm in the room…alone…" He sounded more pitiful and sultry. "Look" you say, cringing at how pathetic he sounds. "The only way I'll even think about giving you another chance is that you prove to me you're sorry. For being such an overprotective, prudish, selfish, cheating asshole." 

There's a long pause. "So you don't want to fuck me?" he whimpers. 

"I didn't say that" you say bluntly. He hears a loud laugh and woo that's my girl on your end of the phone. “Just wait for my text, ok?” you say. “‘Kay baby. Love-”. You hang up.

You send SDJ one last picture, this time over text, you’re in your coverup looking out over the bar's balcony at the beach. He replies with a picture of his bulge nudging his veiny hand while laying on the couch and a heart emoji next to his head.

Thighs and you head to the beach with two pool chairs after dinner. It's late enough in the evening that there are only a few people left straggling by the water. The beach bar is far but close enough that someone could see you two if they were really looking for something filthy. 

You really do feel sorry for SDJ. And you really do miss teasing him and sneaking around. But if you two are going to fuck again, he has to prove he was in the wrong. And if that ends up blowing up in your face you can at least blackmail him. It’s a win-win for you either way.

You lay on the chair as the evening cools down your skin. Thighs holds your phone with one hand and with his other peels your coverup off and unties your bikini. He kneads your breasts, continuing to point your phone at your tits and face. "Are we filming?" you purr at him. "Hell yeah, baby. And you look like a fuckin' star." You blush and he chuckles, rubbing his inner thighs off camera where his swim shorts end. You flop back in the chair and he grinds his shorts and his growing dick outline into your core. A little bit of trimmed pubic hair peeks out from the tent in his shorts standing almost at full attention. That show is just for you however. He keeps your phone's camera pointed at your jiggling breasts and face screwed up in ecstasy. "Say stop," Thighs growls as he grips the fleshiest part of your hip and thrusts his covered erection into your dripping seam. "M-more!" you loudly beg and arch your back. A few silhouettes at the bar look in your direction. This only makes your nipples harder and you grind quick little circles into his crotch, aching for some friction. "Be patient, baby. You can do it. Tell your Stepdad your offer." he smacks your bottom playfully as he continues to record. You blush and turn away from the lens, biting your lip and say, "I will forgive you, if you do something for me." You look into the camera lens. 

"There's room service and a box being delivered to your new room, you can thank him [Thighs Out] for covering the cost, in about an hour.” you say. “Open the box and text me if you're game or not. Talk soon!" you wink and the video ends. You send it to SDJ and he texts back "Anything for you. I'll pick up the key now." 

Thighs Out kisses down your neck and sucks your nipple while manhandling your ass so much it starts to feel sore. "Wanna come to my suite, sugar? That is if I can take my hands off this sexy fuckin' ass of yours." He jiggles it while playing with your bikini straps and slowly ties them back up. You nod your head yes and pull on your coverup. You both walk back to the main road in the resort and take a shuttle bus to the expensive side of the resort. You find yourself back in his room, legs splayed and laying on your tummy completely bare. You wiggle against the soft white comforter, Thighs already rubbing your ass and murmuring in your ear. "Do you want to wait for him before we record?" You shake your head and say, "I'll still want to even if he doesn't."

"God I love your energy, baby." Thighs presses a hard kiss into you and carnally licks your mouth. He breaks it off to grab his phone and opens the camera app. 

"Let's get started, baby girl. Let Daddy teach you what a real cock can do."

-------

Toxic: Ok the "woo that's my girl" took me out 😭 like ik it's my line but the context is so perfect and you can just imagine stepdad hearing it on the other end of the line. 😭 Also I 100% imagine thighs out being no-judgment, very in character.

Thank you, 🎃 anon 🖤

--------

[wambsgansshoelaces]

hii! i heart ur headcanons sm, so i was gonna ask if u could right some sibling headcanons (especially with roman) of growing up and getting a chronic illness so we end up unable to work like they do so logan treats us like were useless a lot of the time. sorry if that's too angsty or u don't want to, but if you do thanks you! i have a chronic illness and it would be cool to have comfort characters so comforting and stuff but thanks again! 🫶🏻 have a good day!

(can i become raccoon anon?) - 🦝

anon, I literally love you so much!! and of course you can be THE raccoon lol 🦝

I just want to let you know that if you ever, EVER need support, my ask box and pms are open to you always. I’m here for you, I will be your best friend, whatever it is you need 🫶🏽

thank you so much for requesting, and hopefully I can make this a series for you so that you have representation - if that’s something you want, just let me know xx I will literally write whatever you want me to <3 enjoy 🩷

chronic illness (sib!roys)

ᝰ you’re a difficult to thing to talk about for the roys

ᝰ shiv is the only one who’s ever really defended you to your father

ᝰ kendall and roman still supported you, but were just too afraid of logan to do anything

ᝰ early childhood, connor made sure you took all your meds exactly when you were supppsed to, every single day

ᝰ roman would make up games that you could play that didn’t require you to run or exert yourself to the point where you got hurt

ᝰ you and shiv would read the harry potter picture books together

ᝰ kendall, in secret, would do all of your homework if you weren’t feeling well

ᝰ which was a lot

ᝰ shiv would always convince your dad to let you sleep in or stay home from school certain days

ᝰ roman would physically fight kids who bullied you or were rude at school/on the playground

ᝰ in high school, kendall wrote a five page letter to the principal and got one repeat bully of yours expelled

ᝰ shiv campaigned hard to make school more accessible for you

ᝰ roman still fought people that looked at you funny

ᝰ he tells you one night after getting a bloody lip that he’ll never stop fighting for you

ᝰ it was tradition that if you were bed bound or in the hospital, shiv, roman, and kendall would bring a deck of cards to you so you could all play

ᝰ but as you got older, you all drifted apart

ᝰ first ken moving away for college, the other two following slowly after

ᝰ they kept in contact, sure, but now you’re in this massive house, all by yourself with no one to talk to

ᝰ you did college online

ᝰ and even then, you don’t ever think you’ll really be able to work

ᝰ you avoid your father as much as physically possible

ᝰ he’s always thought you weren’t worth anything

ᝰ you’ve learned not to let it get to you

ᝰ after kendall graduates and comes back to new york to work for waystar, he visits more

ᝰ connor’s been long gone, so now it’s him staying on top of your meds

ᝰ even though you can do it yourself, you let him

ᝰ you know he feels bad for you

ᝰ some dystopian pity

ᝰ you didn’t want to talk about it with him, ever, so you just let him do it

ᝰ things only change after roman graduates

ᝰ even though he’s arguably the most afraid of your father, he came back to new york and made you move in with him

ᝰ “you don’t even take care of yourself, ro,” you tell him one day

ᝰ “so? you’re more important to me. i’m not going to let you fucking be in danger because dad’s a jackass.”

ᝰ he makes sure his fridge and pantry are stocked with solely food you can eat

ᝰ your dad never asks after you

ᝰ but oh well

ᝰ you only ever talk to roman anymore

ᝰ it changes after a particularly bad scare with your health

ᝰ and it’s just like ten years ago, the four of you cramped together on one hospital bed, playing cards

ᝰ shiv and ken never lose touch with you again

ᝰ you walk ken down the aisle at his wedding

ᝰ and at every wedding you attend for your siblings, you’re their person of honor, standing, sitting, whatever you can, right behind them

[sunnyie-eve]

1 | Welcome to Jackass

Series: Uttermost Lifestyle

Paring: Johnny Knoxville x Original female character

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: None

| MASTERLIST |

"Hey you could be part of doing pranks in public. You don't have to seriously hurt yourself. It's a job that pays better than this shitty restaurant you work at." Chris tells me as I was on my lunch break.

"Are they even gonna want a female as part of the cast?" I ask laughing thinking it's stupid.

"I can talk to them about it. Come on, what does a show of a bunch of fucking idiots need? A smart hot babe." Chris says making stare at him. "I mean it in a good way. Come on, Lex. If I can get them to agree, will you?" He grabs my hands.

"Chris, I can't. Kyle is pissing me off. Then I have to help Caiden out with school." I explain to him.

"Fuck Kyle. And can't your parents help out with Cades?" Chris asks in a whiny tone.

"They're out of state at the moment for my brothers wedding. I wasn't invited and I don't wanna talk about it." I make sure he doesn't ask questions.

"Then my parents will help out with him. They watched him when you came over all the time. Please for me." I knew he wasn't gonna drop it anytime soon.

"Fine, if they agree. Now I gotta get back to work." I leave the table to clock back in.

After work I wait outside on my apartment balcony waiting for Caiden to get off the school bus. As I was waiting I get a phone call. "Hello?" I answer it.

"Hello, is this Alexandria Miller?" The man asks me.

"That's me. How can I help you?" I ask seeing the bus coming into view.

"I'm Jeff Tremaine, and your friend Chris Pontius said us adding you to the show would be a great idea. He says you're a pretty good actor for pranks to be believable and funny. We were thinking of having a test run with you too see what you got. Is tomorrow afternoon good for you?" He asks and tells me all the stuff.

"Yeah, it's good for me." I let him know.

"Okay, great. Can't wait to meet you." He hangs up the phone as Caiden comes into the apartment.

"How was school?" I put my phone away.

"Kyle showed up at school trying to pick me up early. They were going to call you, but I told them your job makes you turn off your phone. And I left my book with the restaurant number here by accident." He puts his bag on the couch.

"That son of a... Hey, tomorrow I have to drop you off at Chris's parents house. I have a new job interview tomorrow afternoon." I let him know.

"Cool, I like hanging out with them. What's the new job?" He asks turning on the tv.

"It's for a show on MTV, Chris is trying to get me on with him."

"What show?!" He gets excited.

"Jackass." I go to the kitchen to start dinner.

"I heard about that because Justin's dad. It would be so cool if your were on tv." He gets off the couch sitting at the bar.

"Well hopefully tomorrow goes well."

~

"Caiden, hurry up. We have to drop you off at my parents so your mother can get a job!" Chris shouts for him as he gets things together for the day.

"I'm almost done!" Caiden yells from his room.

"Can I?" Chris looks at me.

"Go ahead." I wave for him off while I open the front door.

"CHRIS! You know I hate this!" Caiden yells as Chris runs out of his room carrying him over his shoulder.

"You know what happens when you take too long." Chris runs out the door with him so I lock the door behind us.

When we drop Caiden off I thank Chris's parents and they said it was no trouble. The whole ride to wherever Chris was taking me, I was nervous bouncing my knee up and down.

"Don't worry, Lex. You'll do great." Chris pats my knee.

Chris and I have been friends since elementary, even through he was the biggest idiot, he's always been there for me. Especially when I got pregnant in high school because my shitty ex boyfriend took advantage of me. Chris and his parents helped me raise Caiden whenever my parents weren't helping me.

"We're here. Since it's a public prank we're meeting in this parking lot." Chris laughs so I just nod my head.

"You must be Alexandria." A guy smiles as Chris and I walk up to him and a few other guys.

"That's me. Nice to meet you all." I give them a smile trying not to be nervous. They all introduced themselves to me and it seemed like half of the cast was here.

"Okay, so we have a little skit but we wanna see how much you can improv without actually knowing the skit." Jeff tells me.

"So free ball it and go along with whoever. I can do that." I nod my head and we high five.

"Let's go for a walk honey." Johnny grabs my hand leading the way to a crowded place.

"Can I have a small hint?" I ask with a small smile.

"I'm your new boyfriend and your crazy ex shows up while I go to the bathroom." He gives me a wink.

"I can work with that. Especially the crazy ex." I laugh swinging our arms.

Once we get to a busy small restaurant with people sitting outside, we stop and take a seat at an empty table.

"What can I start you two off to drink?" The waitress comes up to us.

"He'll take a water and I'll take a sweet tea." I speak for the both of us.

"I love when you know what I want." Johnny take a hold of my hand as the waitress leaves. "I have to use the bathroom. I'll be right back. Love you." He stand up kissing the top of my head before heading inside.

I look around and see a older couple so I turn to them. "It's our one year anniversary to day." I smile at them.

"That's sweet. I remember our one year." The lady smiles at her husband as Chris takes Johnny's seat.

"Who the fuck was that?" He asks pisses off.

"Why the fuck are you following me?" I turn to face him.

"You didn't answer me!" He slams his hands down making people look at us.

"I don't have to because we aren't together! You need to leave." I point away.

"Fuck you. You're gonna regret this." He stands up taking the water out of the waitress hand throwing it at me before storming off.

"Are you okay?" People around me start to ask as I make myself cry.

"Just my crazy ex." I wipe my tears away.

A van pulls up and Bam and Ryan jump out running over to me grabbing me by the arms and legs. I start to scream and fight as they rush to throw me in the van before anyone can grab them.

"Hey!" Johnny comes running out.

"I told her she would regret it!" Chris yells at him in the driver seat.

When we see some pull out those phone to call the police that's when the crew tells everyone it was just a prank for the show.

"You almost bit me fighting back." Bam makes me laugh.

"I had to make it believable. And you asshole, throwing that drink at me." I glare at Chris making him laugh.

"I made sure to grab the water." He wraps his arm around my shoulder.

"Your a good actress making yourself cry." Jeff tells me.

"Told you. That's how most of our life she got what she wanted. Always made herself cry and I fell for it every time." Chris kisses my cheek.

"I wanna do something." I get an idea.

"What do you have in mind?" Johnny asks crossing his arms.

"I need to make a fake baby and someone who will hit me with a car." I smile.

"I'll do it!" Chris throws his arm up.

"Are you sure?" Jeff and Johnny asks me.

"Do you know how rough big brothers, especially when one didn't want a little sister? I can handle hurting myself."

"If you insist." Jeff says so I get things to wrap my jacket around making it look like a baby was swaddled up.

"I won't hit you too hard." Chris pats the top of my head.

"Thanks make sure the passenger door is unlocked so I can hope in because you're my ride picking me up." I smile at him.

"Did the 13 year old in you come back?" He laughs.

"Maybe see you at the crosswalk." I walk off.

"Good luck!" The guys shout out to me.

Once I get to the busy corner I pull out my phone pretending to call Chris. "Where are you? I gotta get home to put the baby to sleep? Wait a minute." I move the phone slightly. "Excuse me, do you know the name of this street?" I ask a woman and she tells me so I say it to my phone. "Okay, great. Bye." I put phone away and as I see our car I walk out into the street.

Chris bumps me putting the breaks on so I throw myself onto the hood then roll off holding my baby as people around scream and rush to me.

"I'm okay, the baby's okay." I groan as a man helps me up. "What the fuck dude?!" I shout at Chris walking around to the passenger side.

"You said this street." He sticks his head out.

"You're an idiot." I get in the car and we drive off leaving everyone who rushed to help confused.

When we all group up again the guys give me I high five. "How did it look?" I ask rubbing my thigh.

"Fucking amazing." Johnny high fives me again.

"Gonna use both for the show so I guess that means you got the job." Jeff says making Chris pick me up.

"I told you!!!"

"I didn't take you as a girl who would throw herself onto a car then fall onto the street." Bam walks up to me.

"Should have seen how she acted when we were 13. She was super crazy. Sprain both wrist trying to do a dumb trick on a skateboard." Chris tells him.

"Skateboard? You can ride a skateboard?" Bam looks at me.

"Is that surprising news for you? Let me guess... I don't look like they type of girl?"

"Yeah..."

"Well I can." I laugh.

"And super well too." Chris adds.

"Hey Alex, Welcome to Jackass!" Johnny shouts.

[beardedmrbean]

I haven't seen anyone talk about last nights puppet show, should I assume it was boring?

I didn't watch it, don't need to go in and have my brain meltdown even more than usual with politicians acting like smug jackasses while lying to the general public.

From what I've seen going round they both managed to get a few barbs in on each other and there was something last night about nbc trying to fact check™ Trump's statement that he has nothing to do with project 2025 and their fact check amounted to something along the lines of 'he gave a speech at the heritage foundation in 2018' which proves nothing.

Which hopefully now we'll be able to move away from that nonsense thing, still not sure how it got out there as such a big deal.

As for anything else to do with it, I'll leave that to other folks and just say I'm seeing a lot of back and forth in the various media outlets about who did better than whom.

One thing of note, it looks like Trump managed to deny kammy her "hot mic" goal of getting a good zinger in on him that could be turned into some kind of viral meme phrase.

At least that's one of my big theories about why she wanted the open mic's so bad.

[befrienderofelves]

Kieran Duffy x GN!Reader pre relationship. Gifting Kieran clothes. No pronouns for reader. Fluff. Not proofread. Idk about this one im... tired.

Thank you @kieropal for the prompt!

"Duffy!" You shout as you ride into camp. It easily gets his attention and he walk over to you and your horse with concern.

"Yeah? There anything wrong?"

With a grin, you drop a burlap sack full of Something in his arms before dismounting. "Nothing wrong, I gotcha somethin from town."

He holds the suspiciously. You've been the kindest to him so far but he ain't been off that tree long enough to be fulling trusting of anyone yet . "What'd you get?" He asks cautiously.

You grin as you say, "Picked you out some clothes!" You move to open up the bag. "You said you ain't too comfortable in Mac's old stuff, and it don't fit you right anyway." You begin to pull out some shirts, and Kieran looks very surprised.

"Oh hell, you ain't had ta do this for me. And I got nothing to pay you back with."

"It's a gift, Kieran, no need for repayment."

"I... Thank ya then. I appreciate it." He says it so sincerely, and you're overcome with fondness for him.

"Youre welcome," you respond, enjoying the moment for a while longer before saying, "I haven't even show ya the best part yet!"

Kieran's surprised by your enthusiasm and can't help but to smile as he says "What's that then?". He watches you dig through the bag, waiting for whatever the best part might be.

You pull out a bundle of thick brown leather and triumphantly exclaim, "Ferrier's chaps! So hopefully I won't be seeing any of these new jeans in the mending pile any time soon."

Once again, Kieran is surprised beyond belief. "Oh that's just soo much. I don't think I've ever owned anything that nice, I couldn't."

"Too bad, don't have a choice. You're part of the gang now and and you ain't a fucking jackass like some of the other fellas, which means I'm gonna nag you to take care of yourself. Just how it works."

Kieran laughs at that. "Well then I guess I'll just be thanking ya for a while."

[wisteriasymphony]

him being exactly like his father just one night stands and ghosting, does anarka have a stroke anytime she sees him? 😭😭😭 tweos au gives me class of 09 vibes in the best way imaginable in a way i cant explain into words also *bats eyelashes* u were saying something about botched adrienette and toxic yaoi lukadrien 😍😍😍🙌 (i read the entirety of tweos in one night if u were wondering its so....dramatic i love it the revamps r so good th*mas ass truck could never)

THATS THE IDEA RAAHHHHHHHH in tweos Jack Zimmerman i mean Jagged Stone basically turned his band into a harem i hope you know that. and Luka probably would too but his band is like, kind of mediocre. womp womp (also Anarka disowned Luka and Juleka just lives with him out of choice. so luckily Anarka doesn't seem him too often)(sidenote i have more semi-canon luka content heresies)

Botched Adrinette post is here, botched Ladynoir can also be a post of its own, but i want to have fun so let's talk about how I would go about Lukadrien:

- The year is 2008. If you want to call someone gay, you compare them to Adrien Agresté. Is he actually? Who knows, but he looks like it and he hates it. He thought being mistaken for his mother was bad, but this is arguably worse.

- Luka Couffaine is the frontman of Vampire Revival, and painfully aware of the crush his girlfriend has on Adrien, her classmate. He finds the concept of "getting with him first" just to spite her absolutely hilarious.

They hook up in the aftermath of one of Luka's parties, and undergo an under-the-table strangers-with-benefits relationship. The internalized homophobic animosity is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"What power do you even have over me?" Luka sneered, following Adrien around; Adrien curled up further into his black coat like a shell, forcing his hands into his pockets. "You're not stronger than me, you're not more charismatic, you don't have anyth—"

"I own you!"

Adrien had spun around, twisting the collar of Luka's shirt in his hands.

"Are you forgetting that someone got cut off of Daddy's money for doing nothing with his life?!" Adrien screamed back. "The only thing keeping your head above water right now is me, not your jackass 'band', and if I want you to not speak a word to me in public you will do that!"

Luka couldn't help but notice that he was still overshadowing Adrien quite literally. Both in height and in muscle.

"Fine, I will," he replied with a smirk. "But if you're going to use your leverage against me—" Luka gripped a fistful of Adrien's hair and forced him to look straight into his eyes. "—I get to use mine."

....Did I mention Adrien paying people he's in sexual relationships with isn't a Claudia-exclusive thing?

Okay, back to the ask—YIPPEE YIPPEE!!! Welcome to Claudrien Nation :))) I'm glad you consider it close to Class of '09, it does feel at parts like a similarly "edgy" take on MLB like how Class of '09 is a take on visual novels. Hopefully there's at least a bit more weight to the horrors though, obvi. A little more melodrama.

[ravenzeppeli]

Claimed

Chapter 23 - Big Happy Family |Illuso + Formaggio x Reader|

Warning: strong language, threats, light sexual situations.

Illusos POV

Formaggio lived right above Illusos' head, so picking you up today would be very easy. He carried a box filled with some pastries as well as a few coffees up the apartment complex stairs. Having breakfast with Formaggio was a normal thing for him, but this was the first time they've included you. Last time they were alone with you they fucked up, hopefully this time will be better.

That day was something that he replayed in his head over and over again. He's fucking terrible for doing that to you, doing that to the woman that he genuinely loves and cares about. He loves you so fucking much, it happened so suddenly. One day he looked at you and he just felt as his hate vanish and it was replaced with deep love for you. He actually fucking loved you. He couldn't believe it.

It's been four months, but for some reason, he feels as if he's known you forever. You actually listened to him, and he could actually tell you about his life and his job. He could let you into his world, and you seemed eager. Despite you not loving or liking him much, he could tell that you sometimes enjoyed his company. That was good enough for him.

He understood why you didn't like him. He's been terrible to you. He's punched you, said horrible things to you, he only pleases himself during sex, he's cheated on you, and he let Formaggio beat you and leave you in a dark closet covered in your own vomit. What he's put you through these past four months was downright evil. He was a bad dude, but despite that, he really loved you, and he wanted for you to one day love him back. Not abusing you was a good start.

He knocked on Formaggios' door, pushing it open when he heard Formaggio call out, "Come in, you jackass." He rolled his eyes at the insult, wearing a smirk on his face as he stepped into Formaggios apartment, heading to his kitchen.

You were sitting at Formaggio's kitchen table, his laptop in front of you. You seemed to be typing something, your eyes heavily focused on the screen. "You." You didn't bother looking up at him, your voice low.

"Me," he replied, putting the coffees and pastries on the table. He grabbed a coffee, placing it next to you. He leaned down, leaning in for a kiss.

You leaned forward quickly, your lips pressing against his. He was slightly taken aback. You've never kissed him first. He always had to kiss you while you made no attempt to kiss him back. You pulled away quicker than be liked, your head immediately pulling back from him. "Good morning."

He studied you, resisting the urge to bend you over and fuck you as he saw a shot of your cleavage down your shirt. His eyes studied your face, your beautiful features, your soft pouty lips. It wasn't even about your looks anymore. He was starting to like your personality, despite you being snappy at times you were really good to Illuso and the other men. He liked that. You were a good woman.

"You look pretty," he replied, sitting down next to you. You closed the computer before he could look at what you were doing. It didn't raise any suspicion to him considering you were on Formaggios computer. Maybe you were looking at some pics of his dick or something. "I don't know what kind of coffee you like. I just got you caramel. What coffee do you like?" He needed to learn these things about you.

"Thanks, caramel is fine." You took the coffee, taking a sip. "You look nice today. I notice you're wearing a new cologne. It smells nice."

He was surprised that you noticed that. "Yeah, well.. you know. I like to smell good for you." You suddenly smirked, causing him to smile. He was glad you weren't ignoring him anymore. "Do you forgive me?" He still had to ask.

"Yeah," you replied, shrugging your shoulders. "Let's just never mention that day to anyone. Ever." As you said that, Formaggio walked into the dining room, placing his hand on top of your head.

"Look at us, we're one big happy family, eh?" Formaggio questioned, you rolling your eyes in response. Illuso couldn't help but smirk at you. "Hey, be happy. Smile."

You shrugged. "You're messing up my hair. How can I smile when you're messing up my hair?"

"Who cares about your hair?" He replied back, ruffling your hair roughly, messing up your hair. "You look better with messy hair. Illuso is probably gonna fuck your hair up real good tonight."

"I'm fucking a lot of things real good tonight," Illuso added in, a grin appearing on his face. He'll have you screaming his name and squirting soon enough. He's going to start working real hard to make you cum.

Formaggio nodded his head, removing his hand from your frizzy hair. "You heard that Y/N? You better do some stretches!" He sat down at the head of his dining room table, in front of Illuso and you. "Look at us. See? All three of us.. we can make this work. One big happy family." He repeated the phrase again, green eyes staring into yours.

"Sure," you replied, clearly not convinced. You were very convinced of them. Illuso regrets fucking up with you as badly as he did. He's beaten all of his girlfriend up in the past, he always beats on his women. He really needed to stop.

Formaggio grinned, reaching out to move your hair behind your ear. "You'll always be a part of this family. No escaping us. We'll just track you down and find you."

"Oh goody," you replied, clearly being a smart ass. Illuso doesn't like your smart ass mouth that much, but Formaggio never seems to mind. "You know, I'm good at running."

"We believe you," Illuso replied. "Don't try and prove it to us." He had a strong feeling that you would try and run away from them all one day. That would make him very sad, and he hoped that you would never do that. He was confident that he would quickly track you down and bring you back, but he would feel hurt by the fact that you ran away from them. Running away would be your way of saying that you hated all of them. He hoped you never did that.

"For real, like I'll let you do whatever you want, but running away is forbidden. You better not ever do that shit, we'll find you," Formaggio told you, wearing a taunting grin on his face. "Do it if you wanna get your ass beat. How's that sound?"

You rolled your eyes at Formaggio, clearly annoyed with his threat. You rarely showed fear. Even when Illuso punched you, you showed no fear. You were very brave.. and also very stubborn to not even be a little scared of them. No matter how much they beat and threaten you, you always stand your ground.

"I'll keep that in mind," you replied, earning a chuckle from Formaggio. Illuso smirked, a laugh almost escaping his lips. And he would have laughed if the thought of you attempting to run away from them didn't absolutely terrify him.

Illuso took a sip of his coffee, leaning back in his chair. "Keep it out of your mind," he warned you, "now, let's eat. No more talk about you running away."

----

Illuso wasn't a dirty guy, but he was really messy, always tending to just throw things around. He was usually a single man. He lived alone and didn't care how his place looked. Now that he was a taken man and actually in love, he spent hours cleaning and organizing his apartment so it would look good. He wanted to impress you, but he couldn't really tell how you were feeling.

You were in his kitchen by the sink, loading the dishwasher, his eyes landing on your ass as you bent down, placing a plate on the bottom rack. You closed the dishwasher, pressing the button to start it as you stood up, turning to face him. You walked over to him, standing in front of him.

He grabbed you, his arm hugging around your body, tightly wrapping around you. "You cook too much at the base. You don't have to cook over here. I always just eat takeout anyway." Suddenly, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small black box. "Please? These are just some earrings. Can you please take them? I really want you to have these now." He would try again, deciding to buy you a pair of rose quartz earrings. He hoped you wouldn't reject him again. It's really starting to piss him off.

"I'm not a gold digger," you immediately replied, staring at the box that be held in front of your face. "You don't need to buy me things."

"You're my girlfriend, and I want to buy you stuff from time to time. And I will. So take the earrings," he replied, a sudden sterness appearing in his voice. You weren't taking the box.. damn it. It was so hard keeping his temper under control. "We want to take care of you. It's offensive as fuck how you keep saying no when we get you shit. Accept it, just take it. I don't want a thank you or something in return, I just want you to take the goddamn box Y/N." You better fucking take it.

You let out a sigh, grabbing the box, quickly putting the box in your pocket. "Thank you, but please stop buying me stuff."

"No," he replied, feeling himself calm down. "Good girl. Now, was that really so hard? Stop being bad." He kissed the top of your head agesssively, his hand sliding down your back to squeeze your ass. "Why are you being like this, hm? You're doing a lot of shit for us. We're allowed to do stuff for you, too. You don't make the rules around here, babe."

"You don't make the rules around here, babe," you said in a mimicking tone, catching him by surprise. Did you seriously just mimick him? No woman had ever done that to him. "I just don't need stuff bought for me. Just invest your money."

"I am," he replied, smacking your ass with a little more force, that smack being a warning for you to stop. "Stop it. Now. I'll buy you whatever I want, and you'll accept it." He was just going to start leaving the jewelry in your room. He didn't need a thank you. He didn't want a thank you. He just wanted to spoil you a little, and he could afford to do that.

You didn't react to the smack, your arms instead wrapping around his waist, actually hugging him, making his heart instantly skip an actual fucking beat. Fuck, you were so cute, so sexy, he fucking loved you so much. "Relax, it's not even that serious. Why don't we go take a shower and get ready for bed. It's late."

Illuso had a strong feeling that you were trying to distract him. He didn't care. The distraction worked. What was he even talking about? "Well fuck, that sounds good to me. I've been meaning to get my hands on your wet, sexy, naked body."

[archivalofsins]

Milgram Characters as The Lonely Island songs

This is The Lonely Island literally every song here is explicit and contains toilet humor. These songs are from the 2010s this is the only warning I'm giving.

Haruka and Kotoko- Shy Ronnie

"*mumbling* Speak up! Shy Ronnie, speak up! *mumbling* Okay, I'll take it from here. HA-HA! Okay." "HA-HA! Names Shy Ronnie and I'm running this shit- You know I stay steady strapping cause life is a bitch- Hey- *mumbling* I forgot my purse buh-bye again."

20/05/27

Haruka: Haa…… haa……Haa…… Ah…… Um…… Ko-Koto-Kotokotoko-san…… Kotoko: ……what? Haruka: Eek…… eh, um……! I-I! I’m sorry! ……I-I’ll see you later……! Kotoko: ……what was that about? This is the third time. Mikoto: Oh~ Koto-chan, you’re here. The guard was complaining earlier that you never answered their call. Kotoko: Huh? ……I never heard about anything like… Haruka……!?

Yuno- Hugs "You think we're an item just because I gave you a hug- Trick you better think again." "I don't love 'em end of the fucking discussion." "So, don't catch feelings it ain't love."

"“Poor naïve little girl”? So off the mark, what’s it to you? It’s just absurd."

"Like really, who do you think you are?"

Futa- Threw It On The Ground

"You must think I'm a joke. I ain't gonna be part of your system." - "I don't need your handouts! I'm an adult! Please, you can't buy me!"- "Welcome to the real world jackass."

"Bust out, explode that counter uppercut!" - "The fight’s up here! Come up to the ring and face me!"

"It’s not even my fault, not even slightly."

Mu: I'm So Humble

"I've got it all and I'm getting more but I never fall. Beat 'em all. Cause you know I'm so humble." - "The thing about me that's so impressive is how infrequently I mention all of my successes." "My bellies full from all the pride I swallow."

"I told you I’m queen, and it’s always the same. God gave me everything, everything is as I wish."

"Take more and more (honey) and devote to me."

Shidou: YOLO You Oughta Look Out. "This life is a precious gift. So, don't get too crazy it's not worth the risk. You know that we are still young. So don't be dumb. Don't trust anyone cause you only live once."

(This is for the bit. I'm not even going to try to defend this. Though warning this song could exacerbate paranoia. In the same way dumb ways to die can. Also has some body horror in it.)

"Those cards of promise I discarded, they were retribution for my incessant taking- In that case, give me the chance to make amends. To extract that fang, now."

Gotta childproof another house now. Hopefully this time he does it better.

"So this is unpleasant, so this makes me sick What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment. Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless. I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live."

Man uses reverse psychology at the most inopportune time. Side note Shidou, Kazui and Mikoto- Diaper Money.

Mahiru and Kazui: The Creep

"When you're out at a club and you see a fly girl do the creep. And if you want to make friends at the atm do the creep."

(This is self-explanatory but also me being petty that Mahiru got the creepy allegations and Kazui does about the same shit she does. So I threw him in here too.)

"My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight. Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right?"

Kazui: 3-Way (The Golden Rule) "Hey boy's I want you both. I hope that you think that's cool- I know most guys won't freak together. But she forgot about the golden rule; it's okay when it's in a three way. It's not gay when it's in a three way. With a honey in the middle there's some leeway." "The areas grey in a one, two, three way." "Here in the dark (here in the dark) it's hard to tell (so hard to tell)- where her body ends (lala) and my homies begins."

"The beating of this heart... see... it’s no longer about good and bad... it isn’t."

"I just wanted to ask, so it’s out in the open. I just got a little greedy."

"I wanted to be loved, just like a cat. Maybe act capricious, on my word and at my fancy."

Amane: "F**k Off" "Fuck off, cause I might be young but I'll dig your grave 'til the job is done. So, fuck off- I'm gonna live forever!" "Cause you're not my dad so shut the fuck up and wipe my ass."

"The “It can’t be helped”, from the scum that can’t be helped. That makes them doubtlessly, clearly, absolutely, unequivocally, beyond any doubt, categorically, emphatically, GUILTY!"

"You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already."

Mikoto: Just 2 Guyz "We're just two guys who are having a good time." "Having fun guy one? The most fun in the world." (gets increasingly more ominous and no one sounds like they're having a good time. I feel like this one is self explanatory.)

[lookingforcactus]

Live action Yu Yu Hakusho liveblog: ep 1

This is so much fun. Nostalgia time. 13 year old me is LIVING

Warning for like whole ep 1 spoilers and all

Yusuke and Botan look great which I already knew going in from the gifset that informed me this show exists lol, but it's delightful, bc the characters in this show aren't necessarily the easiest to translate to live action

Botan is adorable. Her hair is adorable. And I'm delighted to see that Yusuke's hair is the Correct amount of Poufy

Plot twist: Kuwabara hot. He looks great actually. Translated nonliterally compared to Yusuke but v well. The actor is selling me on it too, fun casting

Kuwabara was always hard for me to watch in the original bc he set off my vicarious embarrassment soo hard. Glad they're less committed to making him the constant source of painful comedic relief here lol

KOENMA PACIFIER REVEAL I LOVE IT

Laughed out loud for real tbh

Idk if I'm a little disappointed he's not a baby but like live action would make that ridic hard to do in a lot of ways so I don't blame them at all. He's in his adult form which makes sense. Still damn glad they kept the pacifier it is RUINING his dignity and I love it

I also don't blame them for cutting the flying oar effects. A lil sad but the initial transition to Reikai looked great so they're forgiven

Yusuke. "No thanks." I knew it was coming and the delivery still made me laugh out loud. Just dropped it in there. Yusuke I love you please see a therapist

Fight scenes are v creative and p epic

Seriously they do a really good job of making Yusuke's fighting style as a human believable, fun to watch, and effective. He rly does come off as just kind of a natural fighting genius (with practice ofc)

Sakyo in ep 1? Weird but I'm not opposed. The wavy hair is kinda freaking me out though ngl. Smoothness was just such his THING in the show it's distracting

Really liked Yusuke's mom's introduction (not that it was flattering to her as a character) but I wish they'd done more with her in the rest of the ep. Her power hug at the end is great tho

Show's slowing down a bit but it's fine I'm still having fun, the nostalgia power will get me through basically whatever

NO PUU!!!! This is tragic but I Do understand this as an adaptation choice. Reluctantly. Tragic tho.

Bug under guy's face effect EPICALLY creepy

That said I keep watching the motion of him and the other demons in this ep and thinking about Hayao Miyazaki said about the disgusting cruelty of using effects technology to make the scary scary inhuman monsters just fucking. look and move like disabled ppl

Seriously I keep seeing flashes of the appearance and movements of people I know with developmental disabilities (particularly this one guy I know with cerebral palsy but also I've worked in care work for disabled adults and just kind of a lot of people in general) and. I hate this. Especially as a person who DOES have a (nonvisible) developmental disability myself. This is such a rising trend in horror/sff/fantasy tv/movies/video games and I hate everything about it. Hayao Miyazaki was right this kind of attitude and shit really is "an insult to life itself"

Anyway fight scene cool

I love Keiko btw. Her crying and blaming herself! Her face when Yusuke comes back! Also Yusuke "I'm not gonna die just bc you talked shit" pffft jackass (affectionate)

DEMON CREW CAMEO AT THE END

Kurama looks pretty good. Goki actually looks wayyyy better than he did in the anime imho, which I did not see coming.

Effects on Kurama and Hiei's fighting looks surprisingly great. They pulled off the rose whip way better than I thought they would, and did some great wirework with Hiei's speed and fighting style

That said....Hiei...oof. That hair was always gonna be a Challenge but I think their ambition here did uh. not play off rip. Hopefully it'll look better later on