#hopefully I did my tagging right idk
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Had the first session of a new campaign recently, where me and & a friend FINALLY get to play a character duo we developed like, a year ago lol. Meet
General Jekyll & Madame Hyde,
Aka: an unorthodox detective and her undead assistant :]
[Context of the drawing being that there was a festival and dragon riders were showing up, w/ dragons of course.]
#I play Hyde & my friend plays Jekyll tbc#dnd#dungeons & dragons#dungeons and dragons#Madame Hyde#General Jekyll#dnd art#dnd character#digital art#oc#dnd pc#dnd pc art#hopefully I did my tagging right idk#artz<3#guys these 2 r so important to me...
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You gave those wounds to your god, Enki. Did you think they would heal so easily?
(Uh Oh! Someone gave the priest catholic guilt!)
#fear and hunger#enki ankarian#fear and hunger enki#funger#digital art#csp#illustration#my art#pixel art#enki#hiiiiiiiiiiii so fear and hunger is great!#played it for 4 hours last night for the first time and I love it 🥰 I’ve made a half hours progress lol#I keep losing the save coin tosses#I can’t believe this is what it took to make my art brain turn back on smh it’s patho all over again 🤣#not surprisingly enki is my fav immediately a sickly rude wizard priest? yeah that’s my number lol#fun fact I edited a wiki for the first time while making this#his page didn’t have his crucifixion dialogue and I couldn’t find a transcript anywhere#so I had to go find a video with the scene so I could transcribe it myself#and I was so annoyed by the end I added it to the wiki 😂 hopefully I did it right I copied the format of the rest of the page#(note that I didn’t even own the game at this point akkajdksdj)#also! this is partially based on a fic I read! it got me thinking about how he’s walking around w stigmata#also part of why I even knew there was crucifixtion dialogue#I’ll link it in a reblog I don’t remember the name rn#oh wait should I tag this for blood? idk#tw blood#insects
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❝ And KENDALL needs to stop talking back to me after everything I say! ❞
#WOE INAUGURAL TRASH BLOG REVIVAL KENDALL KNIGHT GIFS BE UPON YE!!!!! IT'S ONLY RIGHT OFC PEACE AND LOVE ON PLANET EARTH 💖🕊️🌍#i hope this atones for all the immediate shitposting i did right outta hiatus;;; the shitposting will continue though but still#i'm not even capping i have so many random solo kendall gifsets that i never posted. the chokehold this man and his eyebrows had on me 🐕#also heck it why not i'm leaving the embarrassingly unhinged og (2022?) tags i had for this post as well here are They:#TOP TEN DEVASATING INCIDENTS THAT GOT ME HOLLERING HE'S MY BABYGIRL FR DOT GEE EYE EFF!!!!!!#THAT 3RD GIF SPECIFICALLY GOT ME ACTING UP SOME KINDA WAY;;; PURE ATTITUDE ALL WRAPPED IN SASSY FLANNEL DIMPLY BITCH BOY UGH HE'S SO VERY !#'Chill pill!' bro was so proud of getting the last word that gustavo made sure it ended up on his gravestone 💀💀💀#brb omw to be kendall knight's b-b-b-b-b-boyfriend <3 that's what that song was about right he's looking for a one so babyyy imma be that#idk if this is any good it's my first time attempting gifs in gīmp and i have zero idea .-. the filter is babygirlifying ken good tho#but it also looks like some fever dream mf sequence which um. isn't too far off from what my subconscious mostly looks like tbh :^/#i prolly shoulda grided this bUT DANGIT I SPENT TOO LONG ON THIS AND MY MANS BEAUTIFUL FACE DESERVES TO BE APPRECIATED IN 4KHD SOZ LONGPOST#if it looks like a mushy grainy dithering mess with 4 pixels across the boards that's on tumblr so pls click on it hopefully it's better???#btr#big time rush#kendall knight#kendall schmidt#s02e08: big time guru#all my btr episodes are locked away and i can't fact-check if that's the right one so i really hope i'm remembering it right ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ#edit#tvedit#gifs#gifset#btrgifs#rusher#mine#turn that thing big time!#my rusher besties aren't really on tumblr but imma use their friendship tags anyway bc. i Love them sm 🫶 kenny is liz hehe#stop it forever#big time eps#tv gifs
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journalists underestimate the magnitude of my addiction and how far i'll go for the bit
#snap chats#im lying i physically could not marathon this i got school LMAO BUT IMAGINE#my god speaking of school i signed up for a japanese history class. because of course i did#i also needed an extra class and i didnt know what else to put LMAO but i might swap it or somn#thinkin i should get back into theater..... i got like two months to decide anyway#i was thinking about how im gonna play IW during streams... if the lord will let me i might stream for 2~3 hours or so#im putting such a small time limit due to Aforementioned School but also idk if my computer can record any longer than that#when i tried saving the video to my flashdrive it only lasted about two some hours right ? maybe 3 if i remember right#i decided to record to my computer's hard drive instead of the usb since it has more space so maybe i can record longer#ill prob do a test run later today and record a nonsense video. i WILL delete it i just wanna see what the limit is#cause my plan is to just Record One -> Upload It -> Delete OG yk. Lazy Susan type of plan#didnt mean to type out my whole gameplan in the tags LOL BUT HEY I WANTED TO TALK BOUT IT AT SOME POINT#my final message is that ive Hopefully preordered the ichi statue. i say Hopefully cause i am once again doing it through jp rabbit#and i didnt get the confirmation it was successful yet so I Will Simply Wait.#point is it was a lot cheapter than i thought it was going to be <3 yay <3#ok im running out of tags tl;dr im gonna marathon IW until my eyes bleed BYYYE
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so um... @rottmnt-week couldn't pick one fave au so i tried to narrow it down a bit (which. was still VERY hard) to just the main aus that are currently living in my brain rent free
2al by @intotheelliwoods / cas au by @somerandomdudelmao / imbi by @dandylovesturtles / miles to go before i sleep by @bottledovercast
+ individual images under the read more vv
#rottmnt#rottmntweek2023#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#cass apocalyptic series#2 arms left#i may be invisible but i still look good#... idk if the last one has an Official Tag whfklewjlfjkds#anyway uummm. um um. does jazz hands. spent like half the day on this LMAO#hopefully did them all justice augh#i ALSO HOPE THATS THE RIGHT AQUAMARINE....#also dont . know if cjs outfit was ever explicitly described i can remember the tiniest details but NOT things like outfits. ever </3#anyway umm send tweet#my art#tmnt#leo#donnie#casey jr#<- straight up almost forgor my own tags. lmao
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maybe out of left field but has anyone here considered red wine supernova by chappell roan for stolitz bc the lyrics kind of slap for them
#she did it right there out on the deck / put her canine teeth in the side of my neck#i just wanna get to know you / i guess i didn't quite think it through#fell in love with the thought of you#now i'm choked up face down burnt out#also special consideration for the line:#you just told me want me to fuck you / baby i will cause i really want to#ugh#stolitz#helluva boss#stolas x blitz#idk what tags but hopefully this circulates
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sometimes i remember the hunger games and how nobody actually paid attention to what was in those books
#americans close your eyes and ears right now#i'm well aware that my political takes are way too spicy for you all#and i really do wish my media diet didn't contain so much us-centric shit#but alas we're all suffering here#and i could say that 'oh actually it does matter who your president is for us in the world'#but it doesn't. it really fucking doesn't. that's kind of the point.#oh i'm sorry my spicy takes are already starting#anyway it is wild that you all can understand katniss assassinating coin at the end of mockingjay#but get super upsetty that chappell roan won't support your favorite presidential candidate with her full chest#like come on none of you actually thought that her using the phrase both sides meant that she was a republican or even a centrist#that's just copium#you all knew exactly what she meant#but i guess encouraging people to think critically and get involved with their local elections and politics as well is... bad now?#also... why do you all care so much about a random pop star's opinion and whether or not she dares to criticize a government#like... she's right but i'm sure 5 years from now if she survives in the limelight her edges will be completely chipped away#by all this insane reaction#and before anyone comes for me... no i'm not saying you shouldn't vote. please fucking do.#neither am i saying you shouldn't vote strategically or encourage other people to do so#but if all your energy is spent policing people who criticize your chosen party because of their own principles#then there's something seriously wrong with your politics#and all you're signalling is that you truly do not fucking care about the issues that they care about#if anything..... you RESENT them#and then the same people bring up the parable of the 'unjust man'#or how it's never the right time to talk about gun violence in your country#harm reduction is all good and based but attacking people who are leveraging their support to push your party left#is not. it's not even fucking helpful#anyway. don't base your lives and politics around pop stars.#even if they are more based than you 🤷#i think i'm done now thank you tumblr for letting me have insane rants in my tags that hopefully no one reads#idk i just find this all depressing. i wish you all cared more about the world outside of your bubble. i wish we all did - myself included.
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the girls
#art#myart#artists on tumblr#artist#digital art#ocs#original character#oc: carina#oc: astra#just realized i shoulda added another dark thing on astras other hair over her left (our right) eye#whoopsie!#dont care to fix it#just pretend i did it idk#queued post hope this posts properly causeee idk if i set it up right#mha ocs#bnha oc#my hero academia oc#mha oc art#mha oc#boku no hero academia oc#idk if i wanna stop tagging mha when i post them#they still are mha ocs but like i never really draw them having to relate anyything to do w mha so like#idk if its worth it#however more tags hopefully means more eyes on my posts so...#shrug
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3c684c1a65a9a40a00d4bb7d3236845c/5fce4fc9429ed8c8-93/s540x810/903e09360b9c77cb5e7ba89651d7bfca4ed0b3ce.jpg)
no i’m not normal no i don’t claim to be (^ from my camera roll btw . mental illness or whatever idgaf i will always love bad bitches i will never apologize for that)
#YORU FROM GOKURAKUGAI THEME FOR SUNCHARIOT LET’S GOOOOOO 🗣️#will be re-reading / reading the manga tomorrow <3 i was gonna use another yoru icon but this one now works best in terms of showing up#anyways i’m also REALLY happy w my theme on this blog! i was getting so much grief not being able to find the right Theme but alas :’)#goth!geto you always got me… user momoshouu… you ALWAYS got me.#BUT ON TO SOMETHING ELSE.#y’all… the amount of technical difficulties that tumblr gave me today needs to be studied and LOGGED#NOT SHOWING ME MOOT’S RB OF TAGS ON MY POST. NOT ALLOWING ME TO POST. GIVING ME SPAM NOTIFS. NOT SHOWING COMMENTS.#AND THEN NOT LETTING ME POST??? GLITCHING THE WHOLE DAY??? WHAT THE FUCK#anyways :3 whatever i just had to get that out there . did you know they literally GLITCHED when i first made this post and i lost my tags#it was all so earnest too so now you’re just getting annoyed kairo :3 but we move#it’s just upsetting bc i feel like i rarely see moots on the dash and idk if they see me either </3 hopefully tech difficulties can stop 🫵🏼#BUT ANYWAYS! i think i’m getting into the groove of self-discipline for writing (hopefully)#gonna abide by what i said earlier today and delete those docs and start BRAND NEW FRESH ! 30 day deadline baby#feeling a bit sleepy now though hehe it’s time for honk shoo mimimi time methinks#i hope everyone had a wonderful night and a wonderful morning and a wonderful day#am patting you all on the head even if you don’t see this :3#because of timezones and how tumblr has it out for me y’all just might not BUT it’s okay it’s the thought that counts :3#AND I’M EATING CREPES ON MONDAY HELL YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#okie bye love you mwah :3#personal
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gonna keep it shmoovin man
#just me hi#i have a piece i was working on last night that i realized after i didn't have my computer could actually be Much more accurate to my ideaa#but that means i gotta scrap some stuff. sigh ᴗ.ᴗ#also i couldn't get around to readin my thing yesterday cuz my focus was shot for some reason lmao <//3#i would open the thing and then just start. driiiifting away kfshvg#//anyway idk what happened but why have i started to miss Gs at the end of my words Lmfhvaf#i already do that in real life we don't needa do that here too kfshvh#'asz wu' 'm sayin man !!' <- my engrish :3#i do like it though i think it's fun :> but my typingggg not you too kfsvhg#//anywho i've got a $1.75 thing i'm workin on :D#it's gonna hopefully be the third part to those last two i did for that thing#which goes adoration -> devotion -> guess hfh :3#i'm normal abt these guys. [places them in a lunchbox and throws it into the river to watch the bubbles] yea :)#//anyway Wednesday#not the best of the week days i will not lie#like you're stuck between the beginning and the end and it's just got that undecided feeling to it ykno what i mean pfshv#//also LMAO i've been calling feet/foot 'peets/poot' bc i think it's goofy and i don't like the F sound#and i got leo into saying it and he was talkin to somebody and had to explain what it was Lmfhjshfg#my infec- influence is spreading. influence. that's what i said#my woerds: peet. poot. tomach. shnoze. ham. heed. fingaa. ect ect#//ouhhh my collarbone keeps making these snappy noises when i pull my shoulders back#it's only occasional but holy shizz it's loud sometimes. like 'when we're in church i think you can hear it 4 pews back' loud khgsfjhfvjg#//ANYWAY i was mentioning wednesday earlier cuz it's not the best of days on the week (we know this) but i wanna go skating </3#'why isn't wednesday good for that' because it's the middle of the week. [gesturing]#i can't explain it but things need to happen on- Oo i like this songgggkkggg- either weekends or the other 4 days of the weekday#wednesday is for appointments you really don't want. i'm sorry but it's a filler day <//3#which means no happenings on a wednesday. it's illegal. that's right. Illegal#even thursday is iffy man. tuesday? tuesday is your last-chance stop. perhaps i do have thoughts about silly things Kfhvsjhgsf#nobody tell leo he's tryna get me for having a weird brain. the sentence is 5000 years of i-told-you 😔 Lmaooo#//OKAY i think i'm outta tags tho lemme say ciao here loll :3 toodles tooooodles !!! <3
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for once im actually working on the next part immediately...????
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#rant in tags#no this doesnt mean im gonna... finish it soon but hopefully it means i also dont take another year long break 😭#did a lot of brainstorming with chewy (me talking rubbish at him and him being like 👍)#uhhhhhh hopefully i know what I'm doing cause. part 4 just felt a bit boring imo#need to tie things togetha#BUT! part 5 is the end of the story not the end of miles and reader's interactions that will be in the epilogue#cause aint no love is actually an Introductory story to a bigger story i had in my head but im not sure if ill ever really write it#so right now its just a standalone#i want to work on other things. had a hobie series in mind but its not x reader so idk if itll do well but it doesnt matter#cause writing is all about having fun#though ill still write x reader stuff probably just in one shots or after that#but yeah#vee chats
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[cw vent: chronic illness, general world politics mention w no detail)
"man. i'm so tired. i feel like i can't do anything selfship related. is it because my energy's been sapped from family visiting and everyone wanting to do ~summer activities~ nonstop? am i so in my head about "getting ren's story right without stepping over any lines" that i've backed myself into a perfectionist corner? is the world just going to shit so hard that i can't have one (1) minute of escape on this blog before going back to working through the political hellscape we're in? god even trying to make this plushie pattern is killing me even though i want to hold my guy So Badly AUGH."
/finishes the plushie pattern after trying multiple body bases and literally buying a japanese ebook about plushie face and hair design/
"actually what if i lived forever and spent all of that time making an army of these fuckers to swim in? what then?"
#obviously tagging this as#vent -#lol. lmao. anyway.#when i say i spent all day on this... jumping from base to base trying to find one that worked well for what i wanted#and had the right face shape and the easiest way to map a face onto it and know it'll look Right when embroidered...#and then i just caved and bought a book i'd been looking at since i started making mini ren lol#(by p.iyo p.icco -- their y.outube videos influenced mini ren's design and i plan to give that credit once i post final pics#along with the person who made the 10cm doll base i used.)#and it took so much effort and i kept thinking about how Fucking Tired i am and how frustrating it is that playing cards w family#means i have to spend 2 days recovering bc sitting up + in a chair w no good support + mental games + being social = negative battery.#and then i keep going in circles about ren's backstory and the whole 'this is a story about conditions i have but for anyone#who doesn't know me it DEFINITELY reads like a gross story about a stigmatized condition i DON'T have so i have to tread#very carefully when writing about it... but i don't practice writing like i practice art so i'm simply not at the skill level#to navigate that and it makes me feel like i can't post any of that until i figure it out' Thing...#but i DID finish my plushie pattern. and i will start on it sometime this week? depending on Factors? and if i reeeeally like how it#turns out i might buy The Plushie Making Fabric™... i checked at a craft store and buying 1/4yd of both fabrics won't break the bank...#and then i could make all of his AU selves w different expressions 😏#anyway. recovery officially starts in a few days (doc appts and pest control coming over this week + dogsitting in a few days.#not great for recovery lol lmao.) so hopefully i'll be more Around here by this weekend. idk. don't hold me to that kjsndkjn#i might get sucked into plushie making again and disappear for 3 days straight kjsdnfkjsdnf ;;;#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]
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...
#I'll put depresso talk in the tags to spare innocent bystanders#I just cannot figure out if the little cat is done for or not#like sometimes she seems better and is meowing super loud bc she wants to go out#and then other times she just seems... idk i look at her and im like is this it?#are you going to go to sleep and not wake up?#the most frustrating thing is that she was always skinny since she first wandered up to the door#and one day she'll love food and then the next she does not go near it#like treats that she would decimate one week the next she wont even look at and then the week later she will#she ate some chicken breat i cut up small today so shes not totally empty but shes def not interested#is this the normal thing she always did or is it like the same thing with my old dog#like its impossible to tell if shes just being her weird self + recovering from last week#or if its like something more serious#i looked at the paperwork the vet gave me and turns out they never did a blood test so ??????? wouldnt that be the first thing you'd do#idk man its just worse than not knowing for sure#if i knew there was no hope id be sad but its an answer#as of right now its just an unknown quantity and i dont know what to do for her#whatever shes going back to the vet tomorrow hopefully they'll at least give her some fluids since shes not drinking enough#and check her teeth and just see whats happening#Honestly after watching my Nana horrifically die in march I really dont want another death this year#especially since this cat kinda showed up not long after my nana and was a bright spot#like i wish she could just be healthy and happy
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.
#i know why but its fascinating to go on fb right now and see people in my county#post about hotels and free places to evacuate and what not#like i get it because if we get hit with a lot of rain and wind im certain there will be more trees down#but considering how people were just weeks ago with the last one and how rhey always are#its like yeah maybe we should take things a little more on the serious side sometimes#like great for doing it now and hopefully that continues#but yall laugh at this shit every time because we usually luck out#and idk the wording of all this or the emotions its just like#but its also like if yall are gonna joke and not take them serious still like sort of prep for it#like im not saying we were or at the most prepared but we have have a decent amount of food and water and some other drinks#plus we have a grill if theres some non rain that we could use to cook etc#my parents lost power and had i think little to no food they could just eat#and i kno they didnt have water because they dont drink it in the same way menand this house does#i mean they didnt lose theres so theres that and they have like a well and stuff so presumabley maybe a little safer than city water but idk#but they just kept complaining about all the food going to waste#they eventually bought a small charcol grill and cooked something on it#and they survived well enough so maybe they did have some sort of food but i also think they went out#and ate somewhere#idk#how many people were like that around here because they didnt want to consider#that we would actually lose power#and now everyone is acting like the most on fb about prepping and what not#again i get it but... idk#tag rambles#dont mind me
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OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.
Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."
Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.
Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."
[Follow up to this ask]
#snap chats#yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered#LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now#i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of#thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it#masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are#i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does#about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it#'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively#i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk#there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers#though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent#idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur#but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything#moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed#making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner#on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked#i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft#'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS#anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry#BYE
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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