#i also needed an extra class and i didnt know what else to put LMAO but i might swap it or somn

[todayisafridaynight]

journalists underestimate the magnitude of my addiction and how far i'll go for the bit

[atlabeth]

10 things i hate about you part 4 - jj maybank x fem!reader

PART 3 | MASTERLIST | PART 5

a/n: damn i really cant put things out on a decent schedule huh? im so sorry this is coming out 3 weeks later lol hope it doesnt suck

warning(s): some very vague photography talk bc i didnt feel like doing hella research, y/n is an asshole, topper is an asshole, y/n hates jj some more but also doesnt, everyone has a fuuuun time

wc: 3.5k

“So, how is it going with the shrew?” Pope took a couple water bottles and a beer can out of the fridge, tossing the extra waters to John B and Kie and the can to JJ. “Is it everything you’ve ever dreamed of?”

JJ frowned as he caught the can and cracked it open. “The hell’s a shrew?”

Pope stopped in the middle of the room and stared at him. “Y’know, ‘The Taming of the Shrew’?” He was met with a blank look. “It’s Shakespeare, she’s like the shrew— you know what, nevermind. What’s it like trying to get with Sarah Cameron’s sister?”

“I would also like to know,” John B spoke up as he propped his feet up against the table. “I have another tutor session with Sarah tomorrow before school, and I gotta know how my chances are looking.”

Kiara snorted. “Ten dollars that she still hates him and nothing is ever going to happen.”

“Ever the pessimist, Kie,” JJ sighed with a shake of his head. “I’ll have you know that things are actually going pretty well! I hung out with her last Friday and watched as she keyed Topper’s car, then I got her number. I don’t know why everyone’s so scared of her — she’s not that bad.”

“That’s why people are scared of her,” Pope said. “Because she keyed the car of one of the richest guys on this island with no fear of repercussions.”

“She’s one of the richest girls on the island,” John B defended. “If she’s taking down kooks, that means we don’t have to.” He then looked back to JJ, eyes almost sparkling with hope. “So? Did you get a date with her?”

JJ pursed his lips. “That would still be a no.”

John B groaned as Pope and Kiara exchanged unsurprised looks. “Does anyone wanna give me my ten dollars?” she asked with a self-satisfied smile.

“Shut up, Kie.” John B sat up, now fully concentrated on the matter at hand. “What did you do with her? Did you even ask her out?”

“Of course I asked her out, man! I’ve asked out like, three times now.” JJ rolled his eyes and took a swig from his can. “She’s said no every time. I guess she’s not into surfing.”

“Surfing?” Pope couldn’t help his own bewildered laugh. “Man, do you even know her?”

“Oh, I wasn’t aware that you knew her,” JJ retorted. “Please, Almighty Heyward, do tell.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t know her know her, but she’s in the running for valedictorian — smart people at this school are at least aware of each other. So trust me when I say she’s not a surfer bro like you. If you want her to tolerate you, then your best bet is getting into photography.”

“Photography?” JJ ran a hand through his hair and let himself fall back into the sofa. “I mean, she was taking pictures on the track the first time I talked to her. But are you sure that there isn’t anything else she’s really into? I don’t know shit about pictures.”

John B sighed. “I can always ask Sarah what she knows about her. I’m pretty sure she’ll help us with whatever if it means she gets a free pass to date.”

Kiara grinned at JJ. “Better start saving up for a camera, J.”

~~~~~~~~

johnny boy: i am very sorry to report that photography’s your best bet

johnny boy: sarah told me that it’s her number one thing, unless you’re looking to get into feminist literature

johnny boy: also you need to stop smoking. she hates it

goddamn

idk how im gonna handle this whole shitshow without weed lmao

you’re lucky that i like you so much and that topper is paying me a lot because this is really pushing it

johnny boy: i know and i will never stop thanking you

looks like i’m off to bullshit my way into her photo class!

And bullshit he did.

His guidance counselor was so desperate for him to get any kind of boost to his GPA that when he brought up the idea of adding a class to his already lacking schedule, he swore that she could’ve cried.

And that was how JJ found himself searching up how to take pictures and how to sound smart about photography on his phone ten minutes before the class began, leaning up against his locker with a determination not often seen in relation to school.

It was also how he found himself in another unwanted confrontation with Topper Thornton. JJ was unable to hold back an eye roll when he saw the kook walking towards him, and he was 99% sure he knew what this conversation was going to be about.

“Hey, asshole. You got anything to say about what happened last Friday, or do you just wanna start with paying me back for what happened to my car?”

Knew it. JJ glared at him. “Look, it wasn’t my fault. You’ve told me how horrible she is, so shouldn’t you have been expecting something like this? I mean, you’re the one that provoked her.”

Topper’s lip curled upwards. “You really got a thing for pushing your limits, huh, pogue? I’m paying you to take this girl out, not fuck up everything in the process.”

“Do you want to get with Sarah or not?” Topper kept his sharp gaze on JJ, but he didn’t back down. “You said it yourself — I’m the only one that can deal with her. So back the fuck off, and let me do my thing.”

“You’re this close, okay?” Topper held his pointer finger and his thumb so close together they were almost touching. “You’re this close to making me throw this whole thing out the window just so I can fuck you over.”

“Ooh.” JJ grimaced and shook his head. “Sarah doesn’t like violent guys, Top. I doubt she’d like you any more if you start beating up on poor, innocent pogues.”

Dealing with Topper Thornton was almost made worth it by seeing how angry JJ could make him, and this time he got his reward in the form of a clenched jaw and a glare surrounded in daggers. “I wanna see results soon, Maybank. My patience is really wearing thin with you.”

“Trust me. I want to be done with this as soon as possible too — dealing with you is exhausting.”

Topper huffed and walked off, causing JJ to chuckle at the abrupt end to their lovely conversation. It was too easy.

~~~~~~~~

The first thing you spotted when you walked into your classroom was the shock of blonde hair growing ever the more familiar. But along with the blue eyes came the usual downwards twist of your lips, and you purposely walked past him as you shrugged off your bag.

“Damn, Cameron,” JJ called as you went past. “You’re really gonna ignore me after all we went through together?”

“We didn’t go through anything together,” you responded curtly. You then took a seat and turned to him. “Now, what the hell are you doing here? I don’t know much about you, but I do know that JJ Maybank is not a photographer.”

He shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “Needed an extra class, wanted some extra appreciation for the arts. Not everything’s about you, Cameron.”

You rolled your eyes and turned your attention to the front as your teacher walked in, already beginning her daily tirade.

“Welcome back, everybody. I trust that you all had a good weekend?” Ms. Newman pushed the door shut and made her way through the room before taking a seat on the edge of her own desk. “Anyone wanna share?”

Nobody in the class raised their hand, and she sighed. “Okay, that’s about what I expected. I guess we’ll start with introducing our new students — JJ Maybank and Alicia Hawthorne.” She gestured to where JJ sat and then towards a dark-haired girl in the back. “They’re both new to this class, but I know that you’re both going to have a great time here.”

“A hundred percent,” JJ said, causing you to scoff when he gave a thumbs up that was just a little too eager. He responded by turning towards you and holding his pointer finger over his mouth in a ‘sh’ motion, and you just shook your head and crossed your arms. This kid was truly unbearable.

Ms. Newman chuckled and clapped her hands together as she moved over to her laptop, addressing the class once more after opening it. “Glad to hear that, JJ, because we’re starting off today strong. Those of you that have been in my class before know that I like doing three big projects, one at the beginning, middle, and end of the year — it’s the best way to see your progression as artists, and two of them technically count as your midterm and your final. Two birds with one stone.”

You sighed and leaned your head against your hand, already used to this lecture. You’ve had the good luck of being with Ms. Newman since your freshman year — by now, you could probably recite her project speech by heart.

“Our first project for this year is something a bit different from past years in that it’s going to take a bit longer than usual.” She taps the touchpad a couple of times and her screen is showing on the projector, showing a Google Doc with a whole list of instructions that you can’t force yourself to read. You might like photography, but the only reason you’re in this class is because it’s a requirement for yearbook. It’s stupidly easy, and you know that you’ll be able to handle whatever this project involves with your eyes closed and get an A doing it.

“A good portion of you are seniors, and I know that most of you probably want to get out of here as soon as you can. But high school is something that you’re going to miss once you leave, and you don’t want to move so fast that you don’t focus on any of it. The idea of this project is to make you slow down, to appreciate every day that passes while you’re still in the high school bubble.”

You rolled your eyes. The sooner you were off this island and 2000 miles away, the better.

“So your assignment for this first project is simple, but I hope it makes you think a little bit. Every day, starting today and ending on the first day of next month, you’ll take a picture. It can be of whatever you want, any part of your life, there just has to be a picture for every day of the month. At the end, you’ll put all your pictures together and present it, connecting it with an overarching story. It can be about what those pictures mean to you, what you were going through during that month — you can do anything you want, as long as it connects to you.”

You barely tip your head up as you look around the room, trying to gauge the reactions of the class. Most of them look annoyed, some of them look like they’re about to fall asleep, and JJ is looking at you. You give him your best glare then turn your attention back to the board.

“I recognize that a lot of you are busy with other classes, so I’m going to give the rest of the class to think up ideas and maybe get started with your planning. I’ll leave this up for reference, and feel free to ask any questions if you have them.” She smiles at the class, an expression that is not shared, and nods. “I’m looking forward to seeing what you all come up with!”

You were in the middle of taking out a notebook and a pencil to get started on some ideas when you hear Ms. Newman say your name, and your head perks up. “Could you come over here for just a moment? Oh, and you too, JJ.”

“...Sure.” You didn’t really have a choice, but any situation with you and JJ was enough to make you wary. You set your pencil on the table then walked over to her desk, JJ joining you a second later.

“As I’m sure you know, JJ is new to this class. We don’t exactly have enough funding at this school for the arts to have more than one level, so that means beginners and more advanced students have to work together in the same class.” Ms. Newman clasped her hands together and offered the two of you a slight smile. “I don’t mean any offense, but she is a lot more experienced than you, JJ. And because this project is a long-term one, I thought that it would be nice for the two of you to work together. You can sort of teach JJ the ropes of using a camera, make sure that he’s actually doing the right thing.”

It was a physical effort to keep your jaw off the ground, but you weren’t able to stop your eyes from widening. In your peripherals, you could see JJ grinning. “I think that’s a great idea, teach.”

“I, um— I don’t?” You placed your hands on the table and chuckled mirthlessly. “Full offense, but I have so many better things that I could do than teach him how to do something in a class he signed up for.”

“Watch your mouth,” Ms. Newman said with a pointed look at you. “You’re one of my most talented students, and that kind of talent could be used to help others find their passion instead of stewing in your own bitterness. JJ is someone that wants to learn, and you’re someone that can help him.”

You continued with your deadpan expression and she sighed once again. “If you do this for me, then I will give you a glowing recommendation for college.”

“I’ve already been accepted to UCLA,” you responded dryly.

“I’ll give you extra credit on this project.”

“I don’t need it.”

And for the first time in you think your entire high school career, Ms. Newman actually looks annoyed. “...I’ll lend you the good camera for the whole year.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “The Canon R5?”

Ms. Newman nodded, allowing a small smile at what she saw as a success.

With a huff of your own, you finally conceded. “Fine. I’ll do it. But bribery won’t work on me for anything else, okay?”

JJ held out his hand with another grin. “Looking forward to working with you, partner.”

With a roll of your eyes and an indignant scoff, you walked back to your seat. JJ shrugged and looked at Ms. Newman. “For the record, I think this is going to go great.”

~~~~~~~~

“Hey— can you slow down?”

You don’t even cast a glance behind you at the sound of JJ’s voice, and after a second he’s keeping pace with you through the hallways. The lingering threat of a partnership with JJ Maybank had been hanging over your head since you sat back down after the conversation, and you’re pretty sure the only reason JJ didn’t try to talk to you afterwards was because he didn’t want to cause a scene.

But now the day was over, and you weren’t as fortunate.

“What do you want?” you asked, making no effort to shield your annoyance.

“I think it’s pretty obvious what I want,” he responded. “We’re partners for this project, whether you like it or not. And since I have no idea how to use a camera, and you’re basically an expert…” JJ held up the camera already strapped around his neck, and you recognized it as one of the starters provided by the school for photography students. “Come on. You can spare an hour or two on a nature path or something, right?”

“I could, but I don’t necessarily want to.”

JJ sighed and he held his arm out in front of you, effectively stopping you in place but also earning him a sharp glare. “Come on, Cameron. What happened to all that soul-searching and deep talking on Friday? Do you really hate me that much?”

You continue to hold his gaze for precisely fifteen more seconds before you crack. “Fine,” you say pointedly. “But because I’m doing this for free, you’re going to get the barest basics that there are.”

You can see the tension in JJ’s shoulders dissolve and he grins. “You don’t hate me! I knew it” He claps you on the back and starts forward before stopping and turning partially towards you. “But uh— you should probably lead the way.”

The amount of times you’ve rolled your eyes around JJ Maybank has got to be unhealthy, but you do it once more as you start to walk again. “Don’t push your limits.”

He held up his hands in defense. “Are you gonna at least tell me where we’re going?”

You cast a small glance at him out of the corner of your eye. “Keep up and you’ll see.”

You spend the ten minutes that it takes to walk down to the track then over towards the woods to explain the bare basics you’re willing to give him, and to JJ’s credit, you think that he actually listens. Once you arrive at your destination, you spread your arms out to gesture at the woods around you.

“Welcome to the road barely off the beaten path,” you announce, twirling in a small circle as JJ stands a few feet behind you. “Cross country uses this for practice all the time, but the trees provide some decent lighting for some decent pictures.” You look right at him and give him a sarcastic smile. “Perfect for a decent guy.”

He returns your expression with a genuine smile and touches his hand to his heart. “I’m honored that you think so highly of me, Cameron. Now—” You’ve never been so scared for a camera as you are when JJ holds it up to his eye, and you’re more thankful for neck straps than ever. “—you wanna pose and be my first picture for this project?”

And that destroys any magic that had been created by his ever so slight interest in photography, and you answer his question with a glare. He responds by snapping a picture, and you roll your eyes and turn away.

“Perfect.” He grins and holds the camera up so you can see, but you barely even bother as you stick your hands in the pockets of your jacket. JJ sighs and puts the camera down so it’s hanging from his neck again, and he takes a few quick paces to catch up to you. “Are you like this with every person who tries to be nice to you?”

“Just the ones that annoy me.”

“Oh,” he nods. “So literally everyone annoys you.”

“Just about,” you agree. By now the two of you are walking down the path, JJ trailing slightly behind you as he badgers you with questions.

“Well, I don’t know if you could tell by the whole ‘asking you out and trying to get to know you’ thing, but I don’t want to be one of those people.” You stop in place as you turn on your heel and face him, crossing your arms in the process.

“Really?” you ask, slightly bemused.

“Yeah, really.” JJ runs his hand through his hair and shrugs. “I don’t know what it’s gonna take to get off of the list of people you hate, but I’m gonna try my hardest. Because you’re worth it, Cameron. I know that for a fact.”

That leaves you stunned. You’re not even able to think up some kind of witty retort as he starts walking away, and right before the path turns he faces you again. “Same place, same thing, tomorrow after school?”

It takes you a second, but you nod. “I guess.”

JJ smiles and nods as well, taking a few steps backwards as he maintains eye contact with you. “Cool. I’ll see you then, Cameron.”

You’re not even sure how long you stand there like an idiot, just trying to process what happened. By the time that you’re walking back to the school, you’re only really sure of one thing.

JJ Maybank is not who you thought he was. And maybe that’s a good thing.

~~~~~~~~

weird blonde kid: btw my friends and i are throwing a kegger at the boneyard on friday and it’s gonna be huge

weird blonde kid: you should definitely go with me

weird blonde kid: you’ll get so much street cred

you really don’t give up, do you?

i don’t need street cred

weird blonde kid: already told you that you’re worth it

weird blonde kid: i'm in it for the long game baby

weird blonde kid: so is that a yes?

no

weird blonde kid: then is is it a nooooo

no

weird blonde kid: i’ll see you at 9:30 then 😛

-

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77 @simonsbluee @kwyloz

obx: @pogueslandia

ttihay: @maybankbby @gabiatthedisco @the-romanian-is-bae @obx-pogues-4-life @oliviajaegerswhore @chaoticjjmaybank @its-simply-fanfiction @80strashbag @sinnerluh @shephard17895 @onlyangel-444 @silverbyeol @miniiminie

[detective-gum-chew]

okay okay okay

i know this isnt an orginal idea by any means but roleswap!narumitsu is just so good

so youll have to indulge me because this lives in my head rent free and i want to write it down concretely somewhere (also this gets LONG so ill pop a cut in here)

alright so:

1. at least in my writing of it, this is also a no-dl6/gregory lives au. but as well at that, miles and phoenix didnt go to school together

2. this means that there was nobody to defend phoenix at the class trial (yes i know the money stolen was edgeworths but shhh lets pretend it was someone elses, kay?) this lead to phoenix becoming not only bitter, but somewhat obsessive over the idea of punishing people that do wrong

(if someone can find that quote where phoenix talks about how he could have become a prosecutor because of the trial i will give u a gentle kiss on the forehead) 

3. Edgeworth was raised by Gregory and ends up becoming a defense attorney

4. in this, Von Karma goes down and Franzy is adopted by Gregory, and she assists Miles in his cases. (she can still have a whip, as a treat.)

5. anyway with that set up, lets get into some cases

6. Larry gets accused of Cindys murder, Miles defends with Franzy

7. Lets say Mia was in the crowd of that trial and decided to contact miles, seeing as he appears to be another uncorrupt lawyer and asks him for his help in taking down Redd White

8. He agrees, and she sets a time for him to meet at her office so they can talk. Mia then calls her sister and updates her on how shes going to recruit another person (Redd White hears this)

9. Much like the original case, Mia gets murdered, but this time, Maya isnt here to be blamed. Instead, its Miles himself, as the name that White heard over the phone (so basically we’re speed running to the “defend yourself in court” part)

10. the prosecutor today is Phoenix Wright.

11. but before that lets go into some backstory actually. Phoenix had encountered Mia previously during the Terry Fawles case. He had respected her as a peer, if not for just her determination and deductive skills. (After all, he was young at the time and solely focused on punishing the wicked) After Diego’s poisoning, he had briefly reached out for condolences

12. but anyway, Phoenix had distantly respected Mia, and now that she was dead, he was going to be tough on whoever he thought murdered her.

13. Miles proves his innocence, although it takes some baiting to get Redd White out of his building and actually into court. 

14. Wright is... not pleased about this, but theres not much he can do. His displeasure for Mias murder has shifted, but theres a new displeasure for Miles, the man who could beat him in court. (”well well well, you managed to save your own skin. But you should hope you get as lucky as you did in your next case”)

15. Next case! We know Miles is a steel samurai fan, so even without Maya it takes very little convincing for him to take the case. (Fran is not as amused but trusts her brother... enough.. to follow his lead)

16. Case proceeds mostly as normal, with Phoenix requiring Dee to re-do her testimony (maybe something deep within him still itches to put the true bad guy away, even if its harder than the accused)

17. I dont think Phonix would deliver the unnecessary feelings line, although there definetely is that moment in the lobby where hes like “hm. maybe you arent a bad person, but that doesnt mean i have to like you.”

18. and now, now now now, we finally get to the part where i somehow managed to put the most thought into. (for context it is nearly 2 am when i am writing this)

19. sleep schedule aside, you couldnt have thought i would made this WITHOUT some good angst, so here we go. case four is similarly structured to the original, but with an extra side of Phoenix angst.

20. Miles wakes up to Franzy shaking him. She points to the television. the news is on, but the voices are drowned out by a distant ringing as he stares at the image on the screen.

Famed Prosecutor Phoenix Wright Arrested For Murder

21. it just doesnt make sense. So he gets out of bed and into the closest clothes he can find and out the door with his sister in tow. He sits in the cold detention room, thinking about the other side of the glass.

22. Phoenix Wright looks dull. He asks what they want. Miles says he wants an explanation. Wright sneers and asks why. For some reason, that pisses Miles off. He slams his badge to the glass and Wright looks surprised.

“Do you know what this is? It’s my attorneys badge.”

“the badge doesnt mean youre a good lawyer.”

“Well Mr Wright, its 2-0, so i dont think you have any right to say that.” Miles glares at him and Wright sits back in his seat. He watches Miles for a long time.

“If im going to defend you, you need to tell me what happened.“ Wrights eyebrows shoot up and Franziska squawks at his side

“What do you mean defend him!”

“What she said.”

Miles narrows his eyes at Wright as he ponders to himself the answer. Why is he doing it? the answer comes to him. 

“Because i dont believe you did it.”

For all his snark, Miles cant bring himself to believe that the man in front of him would kill someone. Theres something about him, either in his eyes or the way he carries himself that makes the idea itself preposterous. Wright looks at him for a long time after he says it.

“Very well.”

21. Miles doesnt seem him until court, but at least he testifies. The next person up, a red head by the name of Melissa Foster, gives a testimony that seems airtight.

22. that is, until he looks over at Phoenix, who is pale as he looks at the woman on the witness stand. Phoenix catches his eye, and very carefully, very slowly, mouths one name.

Dahlia Hawthorne

23. (I really wish i could continue with the more narrative parts of this but im honestly running out of steam and ill get to the point lol. Maybe ill finish it later.)

24. Terry Fawles dies on the stand. Diego Armando falls into a coma. Dahlia Hawthorne walks free. Even after what happened to Diego, Phoenix is convinced he can do better. He sets up a meeting with Dahlia.

25. Doug shows up, trying to persuade him away from it, saying he overheard Dahlia’s plan to kill Phoenix when she arrives. Phoenix is cocky, and the pair fight. Doug gets shoved into the powerline. Phoenix, thinking him dead, panics and runs.

26. Dahlia, having overheard, goes back and finishes him off, drops some poison into his mouth perhaps. With an accidental death with a cause so obvious, nobody bothers to run blood tests (until Miles)

27. Its years later, and Phoenix gets a note that tells him they know what really happened to Doug. Phoenix arrives to a meeting place to find a dead body. He picks up the vial of poison almost absently. 

28. After all, Dahlia had gotten rid of Diego and Mia was dead. Now all she had to do was get rid of Phoenix

29. It plays out similarly to case four, with Phoenix being absolved of the first murder, then confessing to the old one. Miles has gone through the work to save his life once, that he cant not do it again.

30. but happy endings (ish) for all, with Phoenix being freed, Dahlia imprisoned and Miles having a better understanding of both him and Phoenix.

31. maybe more happens but we’re at bullet point 31 so its time to stop for now lmao. uh but yeah! roleswap au..... brainrot really.

[laterzgators]

How the gang would be like in modern times.

Kinda basing this off of texts I have with my friends because I get reminding everyday that my old friend group (kinda still my friend group.) are like the gang.

————

Ponyboy

He would have like an iPhone 6 in 2020. And he would be so upset about it. But he wouldn’t complain cause his brother didn’t have money for him to have an iPhone 11 or something.

He uses every platform to text. He probably only texts like Johnny and sometimes Dally.

Johnny and him would FT for hours and during them be like “look what I sent you.” And then proceeded to a meme.

Still a whiny baby boy but 2020 edition

Didn’t pay attention to politics cause he isn’t voting so he has no say. :/

Would probably watch anime- but like mainstream.

Has two instagram accounts one for public people he knew and a secret one to post what he wanted cause Darry probably looked into his phone-

Tries to show Darry how to use a smartphone. Darry won’t understand it. But he tried.

Track team until COVID hit 🙄

Hated virtual learning. HATED IT.

Especially when Darry didn’t have work that day he would peep into Soda and Pony’s room to see him on his desk on a call.

Pony putting his arm down shooing him away. “Darry...I’m in class please shh.” “Don’t worry bout me I’m just listening. Making sure these teachers actually are teaching ya.”

Somehow went brain dumb with this type of learning some days so when a teacher would ask him to answer something he would mute and turn off the camera or leave the call.

He was happy when he did know the answer a certain day.

• Having to text Johnny or Two bit to join a class cause the teacher was doing attendance.

—

Johnny

Texts Ponyboy and Dally pretty evenly. Though Pony would start being whiny when he didn’t answer. Johnny also probably had an older phone like an iPhone 6 or se maybe even an LG but he wouldn’t complain. He was just fine with having a phone. At least it worked.

Has a whole Instagram account about memes. Pony probably helps manage it.

Watches anime with Pony cause he finds it interesting. Does he understand what’s going on? No not at all but if Pony likes it then it’s okay.

Does really like Naruto though-

He hates school. It’s bad enough he skipped it most days. But now ITS AT HOME SO HE HAD NO EXCUSE TO NOT DO IT!

He would usually join the zoom calls but he kept his camera off and was on mute. His parents were probably arguing-

Some days he could be with Pony at his house and did his zooms from there.

Pony spamming him to join the class.

Pony: “Johnny Mr Fullb-“

Johnny: “I’m about to join just be patient pony.”

Dally sent him a nude once and he was SCARED. Dally used social media for that purpose but we will get more into that later-

He apologized a lot btw-

FT calls were fun cause he would put his phone in a certain position and do work and Pony being high on adrenaline would run around his room and you could see it on camera. It was funny.

—

Dallas

Where do I even start for this man....

TAKES FREAKING A MILLION NUDES LIKE IM NOT EVEN KIDDING ITS GROSS

Poor Johnny once got sent one on accident.

He is still traumatized

Virtual women and real women double bonus for him. He would text or dm one chick and be asking a girls number physically at the same time.

Mans gotta multitask-

Bully people on the internet.

Mainly pony for some reason. He did it playfully but Pony would get upset so quickly-

Pony.boy_curtis posted a picture. Caption: Read this poem at school and I’ve been vibing with it.

Comments: @Dal_winSton: Haha THATS dumb. (And more spam of him that includes 😀 that emoji.)

People would call him an eboy and he didn’t like that. He was just edgy in his own way.

Stole a iPhone 11 Pro so that’s how he has this phone.

GC with the whole gang existence and he was like “This is dumb we see eachother everyday.”

He was a weird teen-

—

Sodapop

My manz always texted Ponyboy when he was to lazy to speak.

Texted a lot of people cause he was that guy. But mainly Steve, Sandy (when they were still a thing.), Darry, and Pony.

His IG was filled with nice pics of him and girls just commenting about how handsome he was. He got annoyed of it at a point and turned off the comment section.

Probably had tiktok and made Pony get it.

Had a free subscription of Spotify and my boy loved his music.

Texting pony is like.: “Hey could you tell Darry that I got the eggs he needed earlier.” Pony never told him. Darry got home with a carton of eggs and started yelling that they wasted money on extra eggs. And Pony stood there after hours of finally looking at the text and would just back up.

Random girls dming asking if he was single.

It made him uncomfortable.

But Steve would grab his phone and say random things to the girls and they’d leave him alone.

He didn’t understand Pony’s memes but liked them cause they were on his page.

He or Darry probably asked later on what it meant.

“Uh-huh.” Is the response after Pony took an hour explaining it.

Still didn’t get it.

Followed every single person he knew or liked on Instagram or any platform.

“PONY CAN I USE YOUR HOTSPOT MY INTERNET ISNT WORKING!!!”

Pony just yelled back sure.

—

Darry

You thought Soda was bad nah Darry is a full on Karen-

Had probably had a flip phone until 2018

Loved Karen memes. Pony would see him liking them on fb and he’d just LAUGH.

Yelling at Pony to help him with his phone.

Pressed the wrong buttons all the time.

Probably had an LG-

DIDNT get texting 🤦‍♀️

Telling Pony not to talk to strangers on the internet.

Would have Rants on Facebook.

He pays for cable even though no one in that house used the Tv except him.

Would be so confused on the GC

“IF YOU ARE GONNA GO OUT WITH JOHNNY PUT ON YOUR MASK PONY!”

In the GC: Two Bit: Calm down Jamal dont pull out the nine.

Darry: Who is Jamal and what do you mean by pull out the nine??

Pony: PFT- CHILE I-

Darry: WAIT I SEARCHED IT UP IN THE GOOGLE DO NOT SAY INAPPROPRIATE THINGS IN THIS CHAT TWO BIT MATTHEWS!!!

It’s scary seeing him in our times-

—

Two Bit Matthews.

MEME LORD

All the memes all the jokes he understands it.

He is an intellectual.

Was barley passing school. He was usually on his phone in class.

He probably also had tiktok.

Dmed girls all the timeeee-

Hey good looking

You have been blocked by this user

WHA-

Yeah he didn’t realize girls didn’t like that

Had a whole page dedicated to memes because obviously.

DIDNT join virtual school at allllll

He was busy playing roblox like the cool kid he was.

He is legit a 9 year old-

Hated wearing masks but he did it.

Still hung out with Pony and the gang even with Corona.

He spammed the GC at like 4 a.m when he was super sleepy but still awake and asked all kinds of questions.

“If we call an orange orange can we call orange fruit?” Confusion.

He was something else-

—

Steve

Texted Soda during work.

Also texted Evie during work.

Google was his new best friend.

He used google a lot he just did.

Only had Instagram cause Sodapop begged.

He got used to it after a while.

Would get Ponyboy in trouble whenever he posted something that he knew could get him in trouble

Would post pictures of Darry doing random things and say “Superman” in the caption. LOL

Used LMAO a lottt for some reason

On the GC if someone was spamming he’d just say SHUT UP. Like a lot but he would.

He never wore his mask and if he did it was on his chin.

Pictures of chocolate cake.

That’s probably it lol.

——

That’s all. I hoped you liked it. Sorry I’m posting so late lol-

[kae-karo]

[1] hi!! so idk if you've seen dan speaking at the mental health panel or not, but there was one part that hit me really hard and id love to know your thoughts on it! basically he was saying that often content creators, and people in general, are struggling with their mental health the most when it seems like they're thriving (uploading constantly, getting good grades, etc) but everyone thinks they're fine. which is literally my life rn but i can't take a break from overworking myself bc i need

[2] to get into college. do you have any advice abt how to provide for my future while still taking care of myself? also, i just want to thank you for running such a healthy and positive blog bc it has helped me thru some difficult times, and you seem like such a thoughtful and caring person!

hi dear! oh no :( I'm so sorry, that's such a hard position to be in - I havent been in school for a few years, and not in high school since 2012 yikes lmao, so I'm sure things have changed a bit but hopefully I can still give some advice that helps?

I'd say first and foremost, talk to a trusted adult you know in person about how you're feeling - whether that be a parent, older sibling, favorite teacher, advisor, etc. they may have advice more specific to your situation that might take into account details I dont know. and while this is my first piece of advice, it can also be the hardest? sometimes facing our demons and being honest about them with others who have only seen our "good side" can feel impossible, but it can be a crucial step to help build a support system that you can go to when you feel you're struggling

the next thing I'd say is, on a small scale, start taking time for yourself. I know that's like. the hardest thing to do when you have like 6hr of homework a night, minimum, plus clubs or sports or other activities that take time, but literally even sneaking five minutes between some bits of homework to do something that's calming and centering for you can make a difference - if you can grab five minutes to go sit in a space you feel comfortable, away from your work, to breathe and think about something other than your work, that can be helpful

the next one is sorta like. tangential, but take care of your body as well - you're still a growing and developing human, so this is ESPECIALLY important, but drinking lots of water (and not too many sugary drinks/chemical drinks) and eating veggies and getting enough protein can literally make such a big difference in your brains ability to function at it's best. the other important thing here is sleep - every body is different, so keep in mind what your body does best on and (when you can) aim for that. between hydration, good nutrition, and sufficient sleep, you're laying a foundation that can help your brain be more successful throughout the day

I wish, ultimately, i had a perfect answer for the fucked up school system (esp in America which is what I'm most familiar with), but it honestly sets you up to fail. what (unintentionally) worked well for me was having a blow-off class or two - classes that were easy for me (like sign language, or French 1 after I'd already taken Spanish for several years) and could help boost my GPA without stressing me out as much. if you can find those classes- and definitely look for the ones that are easy for YOU, don't just ask around for the easiest classes - that can be a really nice break in your day and help relieve you of some after-school stress

here's another "honesty is the best policy" situation - if you find yourself struggling to understand a concept, or homework is taking you so much longer than some of your peers (or the teacher says theres only an hour of hw a night and you end up spending far longer on it) talk to the teacher! tell them you're struggling, and ask if you can get some help understanding a topic. be specific about what you dont understand (dont just go "I dont get it") and explain your thought process - this can help teachers understand where you're veering off the path and what you might be missing. and, more importantly, if you're coming in for help, they're more likely to be lenient with you because they know you're trying (yes I'm aware that was more a "school help in general" bit of advice but in case that's something you're struggling with)

now heres....maybe some controversial advice. take calculated risks. example: if a teacher has a policy where they drop your lowest homework grade in a class and you're doing alright in that class, but you have a day where you're saddled with WAY too much work for another class where you're struggling, it's okay to say "okay, today I need to go to sleep by 10pm, I can either finish this difficult homework or complete homework for the class that will drop a grade", sometimes it makes more sense to skip that one homework and get a zero to spend time dedicated to the class you're struggling in and get rest. in a similar vein, there is also a limit to studying - there is a point where you physically cannot absorb more knowledge. it is so much better for your brain - both from a focus and memory standpoint - to get a little extra sleep than to stay up late studying well past the point where you will retain knowledge.

now....again, I havent been applying to colleges in ages so my advice might be a bit stale, but colleges tend to look for good grades but also challenging classes, or improvement over time in classes, etc etc. they want to know you're working hard, and that you have diverse interests. college apps are a bit like resumes honestly, except you cant lie about your GPA. but like. you can fluff everything else. literally EVERYTHING becomes fair game with college apps. you can talk about fanfic or a fandom you're in if you phrase it the right way, like there are barely rules lmao. and you can make yourself sound very appealing

so my advice would be basically this: work hard, but learn your personal limits. figure out how much sleep a night makes you feel awake and focused the next day (again, it varies!) and aim for that as much as you can. try to eat nutritiously when you can, and drink lots of water. dedicate time to your homework and studying, but be sure to take regular breaks and ACTUALLY shift your brain away from your work during those breaks. and it's also good to dedicate time to life activities - like I said, colleges want to know you're a diverse person. spend time in clubs you like or playing sports if that's your thing, or do things unconnected to school. and remember, you can fluff that all up on a college app! but also remember - you have to live with you for the rest of your life, and there are so so many paths to a good job or a college education if that's what you decide you want, be sure to prioritize your health as much as you can. the education system tricks you into this never ending cycle of "if I just push through ___________ I'll get to ___________!" and taking that through your life can be really challenging and exhausting. I need to acknowledge that some of this is easy for me to say - I was a good test taker in high school, I went to college, and I bullshitted my way through (that's a whole other story lmao) but like. I need to acknowledge that, by some privilege and luck, I do have a college education. so when i say this next thing, please take it with a grain of salt, but there is more to life than chasing what society tells us to chase - there is family, there are friends, relationships, hobbies and interests and love and dreams and spending hours playing video games and SLEEP and getting sunburned cause you spent too long out under the sun photosynthesizing and collecting pens or shiny rocks and ANIMALS there is so so so much in life and I hate with such a burning passion that, for the first 22 years of our lives, we are told the ONLY thing in life is getting through college, getting a degree. again, I need to acknowledge that I say that with a background of privilege, and that education can help people get out of bad situations, etc, but there are many paths to education and they dont all require you to put life on hold to get there

let me tell u a story real quick, cause my education looks (from the outside) "easy" (turns out I had depression and eating disorders of all kinds yeehaw !!!!). my sister did NOT have an easy time in school - my parents could afford it, so she had a tutor for some of her challenging subjects, but she also dealt with anxiety and depression the entire time. she didnt get into the college she wanted to, but got put in a sort of program where, if she got good enough grades in some community college courses, she could get into the school. so she worked her ass off, dove even deeper into her mental health issues, but eventually did get in. and then she had challenging classes and didnt have a great support system, and she ended up failing out of many of her classes, to the point where she got put on academic probation. so she took a year off, got a job at a daycare, and I have literally never seen her happier or more well-adjusted. shes going back to school now, for early childhood education, and working part time at the daycare while she takes a light course load at school

another story for you - my aunt graduated high school and went straight into the workforce. she came from a dirt-poor family and couldn't afford it. she bounced around a bit, but eventually found company that she worked well with. they paid for her to go to school, and she finally got a degree many years after what we would consider "traditional". she had a few other jobs, but shes been at her current company now going on 20 years, has been through several promotions, and works directly with a c-suite employee. she is also the only woman in her office, a very traditional trucking company where she works with engineers on a daily basis

there are many paths to education, if that's where you want to go, and it's okay if it ends up looking different from the traditional path were told to follow. do what you can to avoid sacrificing your mental health for an education - if its what you want, you will get there. and remember to ask for help along the way!! I hope that helps a little, dear

[taesamorcito]

What’s your love story with your gf if you don’t mind me asking?

anon this is going to be long because i never get to tell the story or talk about my relationship since me and my gf aren’t out yet :( don’t worry i’ll add a tl;dr at the end in case you wanted the short version

so we met in uni, we shared a few classes at the end of 2015 but truly got to know each other during the second half 2016 because shared almost every class during that semester. She was really easy talk to and really friendly and funny and so smart so i was always asking for help in class :( we started hanging out more often and i saw her every day so i kind of started liking her but didn’t want to admit until she got a boyfriend and that felt :/// that happened in september/october idr, but i do remember i always got mad when she cancelled plans with me to be with him or like got really sad or uncomfortable would bring up the subject :( so by now i knew i liked her but just brushed off as a simple crush. 

Fast forward to summer 2017 january i came out to her while i was drunk lmao i sent her multiple texts saying that i was bi that i was sorry and if she didn’t want to be my friend i understood it and blah blah blah, i didnt tell her i had a crush on her tho!! she replied the next morning saying she was okay with it that i shouldn’t be apologizing and that it was really (tbh i was too embarassed to even read it so idk what else was there) i just told her “let’s forget abt this pls” and we did, we didn’t mention it ever again lmao So idk when but thing started to change when classes started in march again we didn’t have classes together so i didn’t see her a lot in uni but i visited her house quite often and things started to change . she was always very touchy but now she held my hand more often or if we were watching movies she would cuddle with me it was really nice, but it just fueled the crush i had :(( 

MAY 2017 her birthday came and she had a party obviously her bf was there :) this is where i knew that it was more than a crush because i remember that when i saw them kissing my heart really fucking hurt even though i was drunk, later that night he went home and i stayed over with other friends and for a few minutes we cuddled a bit while sleeping and that just felt so perfect :((( but it didnt last long because one friend was so drunk he wouldn’t shut up and we had to calm him down. so now i KNOW im in love with a straight girl with a bf

JUNE 2017 all the cuddling and hand holding and hugs and touchy acts were starting to get to me on one hand it felt nice and wonderful and perfect on the other she still had a bf and for me she was in love with him so :/// i was determined to put some distance between us so one saturday night my parents were out of town and i invited some high school friends over and got really really really drunk and i just texted her “hey im sorry but i need to stay away from you” or smth and she called because she wanted to know why or what had happened i couldn’t fucking talk to her, words literally wouldn’t come out of my mouth and all i could say was “you don’t realize?” (TALK ABT DRAMATIC) she got frustrated with me and said “i wanted to fix this but if that’s what you want ill give your space” MY DRUNK ASS THEN THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT IDEA TO TELL HER THE REASON BEHIND AND JUST CONFESSED VIA TEXT it said smth like “i like you but i know you dont because you have a bf and that’s okay but i really need to forget abt you so i need space” she answered the next morning saying she was surprised but now understood better and she will give me the space i needed but if i promise i would go back to being her friend after, i was too embarassed and was kind of short with my answers and the whole thing ended up in bad terms that day

destiny was a fucking bitch because the next day and the following days i kept running into her at uni and it was so awkward  we both didnt know what to do :/ three days later she texted me if we could talk and i agreed and she cried bc she didn’t know what i expected her to do if i wanted her to ignored me completely or if a hi was okay and i just didnt know how to handle everything and at the end we agreed no contact or speaking but that lasted like a day because i thought everything over that night and realize that i was being a selfish idiot and that the situation was making everything worse because now i thought about her even more and just wasn’t working as i thought. we talked the next day and i asked her if we could forget abt everything and just act normally BUT BEFORE THAT AKSCLNAS i asked her to tell me that she’ll never see me like more than a friend and that she loved her bf she did and then we agreed to forget abt this

the following days were so awkward for me because i was so embarrased abt this whole fiasco but she didn’t let me avoid her lmao and well she was extra touchy now i remember that not long after we got back too being in good terms we took a cab to her house and during most of the ride she was hugging me or holding my hand she says it was bc she wanted everything to go back to normal.

JULY 2017 my favorite month sooooo she and her bf started having problems (i think this started months before but i was just finding out because of our mutual friend) and our cuddling and hand holding had increased a lot :( one night we were skyping and her mom comes in and she mentions smth abt her bf being in the past and i was just :O but didnt say anything until the next day and she confirmed it, she said the feelings just weren’t there and that she had tried to break it up much sooner but he asked for a second chance but at the end it wasn’t fair for either of them to continue so she ended it, i told her i was sorry to hear that and didnt really talk abt it that much, days passed and midterms started and i had trouble with this particular course so i asked her if i could sleep over her house and stay up studying she agreed and well KCLKCNANCANCM it was late like past midnight almost 1 am and i wasn’t getting any of the stuff she was tired so we kinid of said fuck it. she turned off the lights and i was just messing around with the music from her lap we both layed down and obviously she cuddled and i tried to distract myself changing the music  but i could feel her face really close like realllyyyyyy close so i turned my head and i could feel how close our lips were but i quickly turned back to looking at the laptop because i thought it was an accident but she didnt move and i turned my head again and i could see she was awake but didnt move away so i did lmao i was so fucking nervous and i turned again to see her reaction but this time she kissed me!!!! it was so soft and tender and just magical it was an undescrible feeling still one of my favorite moments ever :( after that she just smiled  and said “let’s sleep” so i closed the laptop and hug her and tried to sleep but i couldn’t because i didnt know what it meant or what she expected from me or if she even liked me dkascla next morning was cute too we were woken up by a noise and she just got closer to me and gave me a small peck on the lips and went back to sleep and i just died again and held her closer and went back to bed 

we talked abt it days later lmao midterms ended and there was a party and after it i slept over her house and just drunkly asked her if this was a game or just smth she was curious abt or why she had kissed me that day, she said she liked me :D and that this wasn’t a game and i told her ok let’s talk more when im not this drunk mvlmsnackjc we dated for months but we count as part of the relationship and  i finally asked her to be my gf in november 2017 after giving her a cd with all the songs i listenned since i knew i liked her aslcnscncl dumb i know but in that moment i thought it would be cute and i also gave her this necklace i used as a charm 

now she’s in this uni program that’s really good for her career but it involves her being in another continent for a year, she left in march 2018 but came to visit in august !!!! and still has a few days until she has to go back but will come for a few days for christmas and then she’ll be back in march for good nnckascnaskcnasnd  it’s hard but i love her and wouldn’t change any of it 

TL;DR we met in uni, i liked her, she had a bf, i confessed while drunk, she said it was okay but only saw me as a friend, broke up with her bf, kissed me and now we’ve been together for a year and 2 months

[survivornavarino]

Episode #1: I Tried Giving My Heart To Him Once, And He Ate It -Drew

*Extreme keyboard smashing* I love this cast so very muchhhhh

https://i.gyazo.com/9496850dcc77a64b212b20a2651ef2c3.jpg Is this where we post or selfie? Also So pumped to get this party started!

I'm having fun, it feels like everyone knows each other so that's- yknow that's like... it's fun... like 2 people know me

I’m actually really glad with who is in my tribe so far. Like tim and heather. Hopefully this doesn’t screw over my plan since they all ready know how I play. Isbdownriwkd maybe I shouldn’t have revealed everything to them. Maybe loyalty will perserve and they won’t fear back stab me ;-; This will throw a kink into things. I’ll see how much I can get the loyalty of the others to have a buffer against this chance

I just got situated on my new tribe and I was absolutely delighted to meet everyone. Everybody seems super friendly and excited to play. Right off the bat I recognized 3 other people from Zwooper, where I usually play Survivor games. Two of them I know vaguely, and another I am actually pretty close with. I know he’s a brilliant player and I have every intention of working extremely closely with him but I also know he is a huge threat, makes great speeches, and wins a ton of games. So I am just checking every avenue at this point. I am making sure not to get too comfortable in my little zwooper alliance. I have been talking to all the other new players - particularly Tim who seems really cool. It will naturally be in our best interests to keep our Zwooper background under wraps else we could easily be targeted for knowing each other. 

So I'm going to summarize my night one experience!!! The cast seems very very promising ! I love my tribe although I haven't spoken to everyone privately just yet. So inside the rules were an extra search up the mountain and I took it! I'm positive that I'm not the only one who found it though but it did in fact come in handy. The first task was to photoshop a picture of Zach riding a rhino during some historic event and that was hilarious lol. Its not the best quality since I made it for speed. On the second trip, I had to do a puzzle and omg do I hate puzzles why must yall make me suffer. I spent like 20 mins trying to do that puzzle lmao!!! This definetly puts everyone who took the advantage ahead by atleast one step. So the challenge!! Its a scavenger hunt and im happy that we get to do that! I really am stoked about the shakespearean stuff but Tim isnt a fool. This is fans vs faves after all and its important to be aware of the game collectively. Your boy  (partially) studied the cast as of last night more specifically the favorites and I am aware that Rebecka is extremely fond of scavenger hunts so Im going to make sure I put some extra effort into the challenge. I'm super excited for the game to pick up and really start rolling. Hopefully I can be able to make it pretty far and at least past first merge boot. Let the battle begin I guess!

Me and my PC are gonna have a freaking fight because it wont upload my Youtube Video!!!!! Fotr the hunt!!!! But anyways everyone seems to be contributing a bunch and being active in the chat maybe except for Kaugh? If that is their name? I haven't spoken to them yet but Pocket is also afk but I've spoken to him. 

I finally got to writing a confessional. YAY. I'M IN ATHENA WAITING TO BE FIRST BOOT. FUN FUN FUN. I am super excited that the first thing is a scavenger hunt. I am going to do an impressions thing when I get a better feel from everyone, and when the challenge is not taking up my time.

omg this game is fun it is a tad much to take in all at once but i am slowly getting comfortable with people and how to maneuver the tasks i think Tyler and Tim are my closest so far even though it is early but we are having fun with the challenge i think it helps us talk some since we just met. 

I am just beginning my takeover of this game, I am close with Pocket and Trixie and they will be my royal advisers. I will dispatch them to gain info for me tonight.

Im literally having so much fun filming all of these videos but my data is sufferingggg. Its worth it though because im having fun! Also one of our tribe mates is dead so thats an easy vote in the event that we lose which I see might be likely (Faves are strong man)

Live footage of me after picking path 3 on level 3 and falling, notifying the tribe of my searches:

I love dodging possible situations that could blow up my game with memes 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Heather just asked me what level I was on and I wasnt gonna actually tell her I was on level 3? So I told her I was on level 2 and picked path 2? Hopefully the trend of rocks falling on the number that is its path and level is a thing. Or she picked path 2 and saw rocks fall and now she thinks it was her fault. Either way I hope this zooms by everyones head. :/

So Shoib came to me and told me about the extra search which I already knew about but I plaued it dumb and was like "omg thank". This atleast means he is looking out for me or trying to befriend me in some way. Browny points for him but he's a clever one. Also Pocket was like .. did you get anything... NO  lmao! I wish! I hope he doesn't think I have some advantage somewhere.

Ok and another thing! Heather is on level 3 im sure of it and she picked path one know that. She used the same excuse as me after I said i didnt search on day one but she she claimed to be on level 2 and picked path one. Sure Jan. Also I don't think she saved her extra search just yet.

Im going to slow down the rate at which I search the Dientes de Navarino. Im speculating that once you use all 5 paths on level one up you're searching potential is over. Its smarter if I wait foran alliance so we can collaborate on which paths to use, ensuring that we dont run out of searches. I can also use that knowledge to sabotage them mwahahaha.

Shoib told me not to take path 4 on level 2... you know what im gonna do? Take path 4 on level 2 so that I can get back to level 3. Thanks pal you just helped me more than you could've ever known.

https://youtu.be/UgiNE3GvbNs

So, first challenge, I haven't done anything to help at all and that worries me. While I'm writing this there is a spider like a couple feet away from me and it's moving.

Im really enjoying this tribe and the tribe call! Alliance question mark? (Me, Heather, Jake, Tyler????

Can Vi and pocket leave the call so I can form an alliance fksgfhvhb.!

Can Vi leave the group call so I can make an alliance already!! Like sis has said she was leaving like 80 times already but shes still here! LET ME LIVE LOL

Well well well

I'm back at it again I LOVE this new pink room with pretty smiling faces at the top. The other confessional rooms could never. Ok so it's the first full day of the game, which feels a lot like the first day of school. You find your friends, see who's in your classes, and come up with a game plan. Obviously I don't know everyone, but I know enough. Mitch, Julia, Rebecka, Benjamin, Jake, Tim, AND Shoib?? Oh it's lit. So far I love my tribe and that will probably bode well for the season but you never know. I know there's beef between Eddie and Benjamin which is PERFECT for down the road, but for now I'm pretty happy and don't plan on turning up anytime soon

Now we know Mitch, Jacob, and Rebecka are my Himalayas family and I want to work with Benjamin too BUT I definitely have a Day 1 that I can count on and that's Julia. The tea is Julia and I joked about getting cast together and being allies and then it happened haha so we love a premade Final 2. At first I was nervous but Julia is great when she's not pissed and that reminds me a lot of myself lmao. She's literally Cher from Clueless- very high energy, sociable, and smart; which makes me Dionne- very chill, supportive, and strategic. Jules and I are redeeming ourselves after All Stars y'all heard it here first- the cracked queens are sticking together

Me thinking about the things I said about working with Vi.

I'm always reminded of the ravages of time while playing these games, i know it doesn't seem like a huge age difference but it def feels like decades between us, though everyone seems nice enough I feel like the camp councilor trying to stay relevant 

Me af rn

https://youtu.be/uEQYZMaNN94

This scavenger hunt is great. So far is seems really fair and equal. I don't get how the 100 likes is possible ;-; but lipsyncing was fun. I had to practice bc I dunno English *shrugs. Also I feel like there are a lot of inactive members but it usually takes me all the way until merge to learn people's names so... uh hopefully Heather and Tim will lead me. The tribe is so great, the discussion on games and musicals was fun. It really was a destresser. Hopefully we do it again soon!

Its the final day of the scavenger hunt and its going very well! Except for the fact that some people aren't lipsyncing or making cards! The lip sync is worth 10 points so like YALL GOTTA DO IT OR ELSE WE LOSE. We're gonna lose tho because peeps arent lip syncing but Katherine should be the easy vote. *Squints aggressively at tribe*

so far shoib and jake and Tyler have been talkative and definitely seem like they are possibly allies as we move forward im not impressed with any of the girls it is really hard to keep meaningful conversation going with them so we will see

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXFWMjhrAIk

So im pretty sure Rebecka actually went to the zoo to see a real rhino cuz she's a queen lol and I saw on my youtube that Ben made a paparrazi lipsync because he made it public and not unlisted fksksks i love knowledge its power

ahhhh i have so much to do today

I need to have a good conversation with autumn today and speak to her before immunity results come out an basically hey girly!!! I got your back ;)... but i need to talk to her like a lot this afternoon before i bring that up!'

I need to talk to Rebecca more too and have another conversation with her too and I really need to knock it out of the ball park in terms of making her feel like I’m somebody who she could work with going forward and like who cares if I don't like your best friend!!!

I also need to talk to Julia a lot today too but I’m like trying to wait for a time to message her that’s not like immediately in the morning aka like right now so it doesn’t feel like i rushed to say hi to her just to make my rounds, but do it at a more later part in the day to make it seem a little more relaxed and less like it was a plan to message people first thing in the morning.

Mitch and I had a really good convo last night I think. I mean we talked about candles and his love for them and the normal stuff that I couldn’t be less interested in but a binch needs numbers so you gotta do what you gotta do.

Matt Summers posed on for a quick second and replied to my hello from 10 in the AM. He replied and said hey what’s up and then never answered the message I sent to him immediately after which like ok,,,,, i just hope this is how he’s being with everyone else because if so we sure do love an easy first boot!!!! It also gives me time to really since my fangs into these people and find me some numbers!! (lady vamp)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfnPSVP08-w

I just wanted to say that the GAME SO FAR IS LIT!!!! I LOVE ALL THE NEW FRIENDS I'M MAKING!!!

Y'all........

Listen I am just here to live a good life as a strong Christian woman, I don't need any attention, and what kind of hell has come down for me...

Like was casting me and Eddie in the same season payback for casting Amanda, Emily, and Francie together?????? WE BOTH HAVE GOTDAMN MONGOLIA HOST IN OUR NAME???? And you bring in Ben, who Eddie JUST fought with in the Mongo VL, Autumn who is basically his bestie these days...Like if you wanted a bitch to get 20th, you could've at least reached out for All Stars so I could have spared Karen!!!

Like okay listen, I love Eddie like a brother I sometimes flirt with too much and then have to hide from for a month. If we can get past day 6, we could do some great things in this game. I think we're finally ready for that experience. But jesus fuck if those 6 days aren't gonna be tough as fuck...

Highkey do you know what my ass needs??? A SWAP! GET ME WITH THE MENINIST ZWOOPER BOYS. GET ME TO MY JAKE P AND EVERYTHING WILL BE RIGHT WITH THE WORLD, LITTLE BOSTONIAN MUFFIN OF LOVE. TAKE ME AWAY TO SHOIB, WHOSE NAME IS ACTUALLY SPELLED LIKE THAT. AND DEAR SWEET POCKET ROCKET, WHOSE NAME IS AS RHYTHMIC AS IT IS RAUNCHY, IDK YOU BOO BUT WE CAN STILL SQUAD UP. Like I need access to allies people aren't going to know I have. Eddie? Too obvious. Mitchy? Too obvious. Jacob? Slightly less obvious but the boy won't keep it a secret. Rebecka? It's an option??? But she shady as fuck. Matt Summers? I already tried giving my heart to him once, and he ate it. Julia? Lowest of keys one of the better options I have, I'll take the witch, I'm down to clown, but also gotta watch out for that Crossroads connection to Autumn, which is also a through-connection to Ben, so we're in for a clusterfuck of love. (that's all I can think of right now, and if I haven't named you yet, you're probably too irrelevant to consider) (I just checked and the only person I didn't name is Mo, so I stand by the irrelevancy statement)

So if we can't trust in allies, we have to trust in that patented Drewcifer challenge strength! Just get me to a damn swap, I will do all of these ridiculous tasks, and lip sync to Paparazzi of all fucking things, and dress like Jeff Probst (which was actually just my normal workwear with an ugly baseball cap so now I feel gross), just get me to the next round and we can build from there.

I feel guilty because this is how I act in like a group project at school like pretending I'm helping by little comments but in reality I'm just sitting there because I don't know what I'm doing nor do I have access to stuff that can help. Nobody has messaged me about an alliance yet, so that's fun, I still think I'm getting first boot if we lose this challenge which is why I'm grasping at straws to try to help. I counted how many points we had and told everyone the total like "look I'm being helpful" so people will think "oh he's in it to win it guys" 

First of all this is adorable http://prntscr.com/idx4yh Second of all HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO VOTE ANYONE OUT??? ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE AMAZING????

https://youtu.be/tD1HjZTlqE0

Me looking for results like:

it isn’t fair we lost after all the work we put into the challenge but that’s the game i guess now we just have to survive a tribal and first vote is the worst 

Respect to the other team for coming so close, their efforts were admiradorable.

Pretends to be shocked that we lost. If only everyone did a lipsync. Smh but you cant force people do to things they dont want to I giess but special accomidations were even made to where they had privacy. Anyways Im bonding more I hope aleast with people but this should be an easy vote.

What an emotional rollarcoaster. Where is my tea? Slightly pissed at the people who didn’t do the lipsync. We could have won. Oh well this means rebecka is safe so maybe it’s worth it. Who knows what could have happened. We shall see who gets voted out but I’m thinking it’s someone who didn’t do anything TimIm feeling extremely sick about the loss in hindsight. All that effort just thrown down the drain? It feels extremely terrible and is definitely a shot to the heart. 

Sorry im confessing again fjsksks but this is the mood after the first results: the third one is me being upset at [redacted] https://confsnavarino.tumblr.com/post/170818412711/moodboard-after-the-loss

I forgot to confess this but like... im convinced my tribe mate is a model. https://confsnavarino.tumblr.com/post/170818459861 BLEASE

I'm feeling... ANNOYED. I know I participated a lot to that challenge and I had fun doing it! So even though it didn't result in a win I do NOT regret taking flour to the face or shanking three balloons or any of the other crazy stuff I did. With that being said we COULD have won this challenge if everyone pulled their weight. Four people didn't lip sync. If those four people had taken the five minutes required to make a half-decent lip sync video we would have beaten the fans by ONE point. The four flops are Shoib, Tee, Trixie, Katherine. Tee and Trixie did a lot of photos and seem pretty cool, so they are off the table. That leaves Shoib and Katherine. Shoib is in my Zwooper alliance of four so I have to cover for him... which is really unfair. If he wasn't a number for me I would not at all be opposed to voting him off for this. He really let the tribe down and contributed a whopping TWO things to the entire list. I used his rule-reading video as leverage while trying to point out who contributed more between Katherine and him. Most people seem to kind of agree that Katherine didn't do much, doesn't talk much, and isn't an asset to the team. Hopefully, we can just trim the fat and send her packing. 

I plan on getting the vote on Kathy because I feel like she contributed the least amount to the comp and I haven't talked to her much.

Whelp, Guess who lost the challenge. HEHEHE I wanna cry. I put so much into scavenger hunts, but the faves got the immunity. However there were definitely some people who didn't contribute so I feel they should def go first. but here are some impressions

Tim: I love him with all my heart and might actually be able to work with him, which is litty. Vi: She tried in the challenge and I really like that. I get good vibes from her, so hopefully I can get to working with her Tee: Her picture is gorgeous and she seems very sweet. I get REALLY good vibes from her and really want to Tyler: He is very cool and said he admires my contributions to the challenge and would like to work with me going further into the game Pocket: He looks like my cousin and Jesus. He seems chill. Not too active but not too inactive. And he sings and acts so I love Trixie: Haven't exactly talked to her much yet, hopefully chill. Kathy: The 2 games I'm in with her shes inactive. Ill try talking to her again Jake: I love Jake. I love Jake. I love Jake. I love Jake. I LOVE JAKE. That is all Shoib: He came off too strong for me, but he genuinely seems nice. Someone make me stop liking people. Its bad for my game and I will prob cry if someone backstabs me

I'm disappointed in my boy Shoib's contribution this challenge but Katherine is the ghost around camp and my theory is she is jealous of my body hair and for this reason shes too overwhelmed to compete. C'est La Vie.

When I saw that we lost I was Wouldiwas Shookspeared that we could've one is everyone lip synced 

Hi all!! Rebecka here!! Running 20 mins late to my psychiatrist appointment so what better a time than to confess about this game??? Ok so first off this cast WHEW!!! I love autumn and would love to work with her but every time we try to work together in a game it's like cursed so here's hoping third times the charm??? Julia the witch is cool af I hope we can work well together after I voted her out in crossroads!! Lol!!!!!! I hosted circle with drew this past season and he hasn't said much to me/I'm pretty sure he's hated me since day 1 which idk why Bc he's never said anything about it but I just have social anxiety and I feel like he doesn't like me!! Idk here's hoping. He approached me asking if I'd wanna secretly work with him which I'd be incredibly down for because I'd love to work with drew but I just hope he's not fucking with me!! I'm unsure how I feel about Jacob Albright Bc we've met before but I feel strange vibes from him too. MITCH IS MY ONE TRUE LOV AND I BETTER BE ABLE TO WORK WITH HIM IN THIS GAME BECAUSE I LOV HIM???????????? That's how I feel about that. Love him. He slay my life. Idk the other ppl in the game but Eddie seems nice and has been messaging me.   I AM glad we won the scavenger hunt Bc I honestly don't know how a tribal week 1 would've gone down. Lastly I'm just still confused as to how I got picked as a fav but I'll roll with it!!! Ok ya!! Xoxo gossip Beckka 

https://youtu.be/MaPWQeclcOM

[This confessional is for before the immunity results, basically the first two days of the game)

Ahhh yes, time for my 2nd org. Last time I placed 2nd and this time I'm coming for the crown. 

Being on a fan's tribe is kind of intimidating, just because I think that all the players on the favorite's tribe are more experienced than us which could be an advantage. 

So let me just give a quick rundown of the cast. 

I actually know Tyler, Pocket, and Shoib from Zwooper. When we got added to tribes, Pocket & Shoib added me to a chat with them and were like "Zwooper Alliance!" And I was like umm, Tyler is from Zwooper too? Lol. They wanted to create a separate chat with him, so I don't think they trust him. I definitely trust Tyler the most though, we've been friends for a while.

As for everyone else on our tribe, I've talked to Tim and Trixie a bit, and they both like Nintendo so I like them! Heather seems cool too. I talked to Tee for a while as well, but the conversation doesn't feel that exciting. I haven't talked to Katherine or Vi much.

I am worried about the Faves tribe because Autumn, Julia, and Rebecka are there from crossroads. I backstabbed Julia and Rebecka in that game, oops. And I feel like they might form a tight alliance because Autumn told me that her and Rebecka wanted to be secret allies in crossroads, and I know that Julia and Rebecka got stoned every night in Ponderosa so they're def close. 

However, Drew is on the Faves tribe and he is a good friend of mind. He wanted me to play this game with him before we got cast so I think he would be loyal to me if we ended up on a tribe later on. 

Sooo we just lost the challenge, great. And we would've won if these people just did a FUCKING LIP SYNC! How hard is it to fake sing for 3 minutes?? Gtfo. Tyler is GUNG HO on getting someone who didn't lip sync out, and he brought up Katherine's name. And I'm fine with that. We barely talked Day 1 and she hasn't said a word to me in two days. Her name is going around because others are bringing her up to me. I feel like this vote should be more intense since the first vote for crossroads was, but then again that was a starting tribe of 6 and this is a starting tribe of 10, so maybe people are just focusing on challenge threats rn. Either way, I just hope my name isn't going around. That's all I care about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6mVJIKDIBQ

sooooo im gonna let yall know whats good with the admirador tribe. so first of all i think i only know three of them BUT i like them. so first they have jake. i love jake price!!!! but like we kinda went against each other in crossroads but we became really good friends after and we got a streak! but honestly if i swap, i want jake on a tribe. i would DEF love to work with him. next they have trixie who i LOVE. she is a feminist and we have worked together and i see it happening here. im just afraid of her and jake being a mess tbh. and than there is shoib. i love shoib but the child has a MOUTH on him. so he is also pretty freaking messy like omfg. its exhausting girllllll! but if i swapped it would be ideal to have them all on a tribe of mine because we could all kick it together. the rest of them I honestly have no clue about like y'all really scouted for them. but hopefully shoib jake and trixie live after this tribal bc i really wanna work with them. but lowkey wouldnt care if admirador kept flopping lol! 

http://youtu.be/xiJFcgShj1A Woo?

So far everyone has been telling me Kathy, which I am fine with. Just means an easy round for me and gives me time to take a well needed nap :)

So miss katherine decides to show up and talk after we lost.LMAO. Sorry but you're a couple days late. Also Pocket joined the club pf falling from the mountain and i love it. I just wonder how far he got up it... Time to vote katherine out.

OMG Heather fell too. PS: Im a smart cookie. I discovered that  if you fall you only fall by two levels therefore all the paths on level 1 and two are safe wig. I also know to avoid number 3 on levels 3 and 4 but im gonna pick it once I get to level 5! Also thanks Heather and Pocket for confirming this.

D*UCK Heather found out you only fall by 2 levels just as i confessed. Well I guess that info was inevitable to discover.

After tonight we will have 9 tribe members in the chat,which will feel different because, i guess it won't because Katherine doesn't say anything :S oh wait she complimented my beard.

im going to be second boot

Im getting weird vibes about this tribal.

Pre-season cast assessment! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWtdLG4Hquo&feature=youtu.be

[agneshq]

what up, i’m nico, i’m 18, and i never fuckin learned how to read. est & they/them. currently, i am in my senior year of high school and i’ve finished all my college applications (god bless) and got two acceptances so far, so senioritis is hitting me hella hard. anyway !! that means that i will probably be on here all the time lmao. uhhhhhhhhhh i’m almost always on disc*rd ( add me ! keithkogane#3129 ) it’s definitely much more easier for me to plot there than it is here. speaking of, if you would like to plot, please don’t hesitate to message me or like this post !! ok cool now enough about myself, here’s my little piece of shit.

— ( brandon flynn, 19, they/them ) — hold on a minute, i just spotted HARLEY NEWMAN at the domus society initiation. you know, the AGENDER is currently a BIOMEDICAL & ENGINEERING student at georgetown university, and are in the society because THEY WERE WRONGLY SELECTED INSTEAD OF SOMEONE ELSE. while their friends know them as being PRAGMATIC and PERCEPTIVE, the domus exposé says that they’re PERVERSE and RETICENT. only the exposé knows that they SECRET HIDDEN, and let’s hope that it never gets out, or everyone on campus is going to hate them. 

biography !

- **abuse tw, neglect tw**  harley was born in georgia in a trailer park to two parents who didn’t care about their child’s existence. their father was both physically and mentally abusive to his wife and child while their mother was terribly neglectful and an enabler. harley started working at a convenience store at twelve years old to bring in some extra money for their family. along with working, they handled getting the highest grade in their class and hiding bruises and black eyes from teachers. as they grew a bit older, they took up another job working as a mechanic. it also provided cover for the random bruises and marks appearing on their body as they could just blame it on a work hazard. they were always insecure of where they were from and tried their best to hide it from anyone who would ask. in response to their destructive home life, they were selectively mute, deciding it better for themselves if they weren’t to talk. so instead of expressing their emotions using their voice, they used the ink from pens and graphite from pencils against the thin lined paper of their calculus notebook. words seemed to flow easier when they physically  weren’t saying it. harley felt like they were drowning, with only schoolwork left to save them.

- **abuse tw**  what harley hadn’t been expecting was their dad to find the paystub of their third job that they’d purposefully kept a secret. the busboy job was meant to save up money for college, not to be touched by the filthy hands of their parents.. that morning, they’d received their acceptance letter from georgetown and they were ecstatic. the full scholarship was even more than they could have hoped for. however, when they came back from the mechanic after working diligently on a bmw, their dad stood on the steps of the trailer glowering at them. they barely got time to even think of something they could say to calm their father down before the side of their head met the railing with terrible force. they exited the hospital five hours later with only their right ear functioning properly. they only went back to the trailer to pack a duffel bag with clothes and what few personal possessions they had and a backpack with notebooks of writings, school supplies, and the money they’d saved up over the years. harley moved into a shitty apartment for the last few months of senior year and the summer before college.

headcanons !

though they’ve been away from home for almost two years, they still feel compelled to rarely talk. they still flinch at sudden movements.

uhhhhhhh never been in a relationship before they just dont got the time double majoring and shit. but their orientation is towards guys/masc presenting folks.

deaf in their left ear if ya didnt get that from the bio/didnt read it ( i wouldnt blame you aklsjfhkjdfg ) & no one really knows about that or any of their past tbh

really into everything science/mathematics/basically anything academic

when they’re close to someone they often dont stop talking about their interests once prompted

really practical. doesnt buy shit they dont need. everything has a purpose. had the same wardrobe since they’ve been 16 tbh. 

stubborn as hell and doesnt take pity from anyone at all

scars all over. has a few cigarette burns on their arms. still usually wears long sleeves

doesnt know how to socialize

still works as a waiter to get some extra money to put in savings and shit

highkey loves nature and takes every chance they can to study outside

on the otherhand, libraries are their sanctuary and spends a lot of time there.

reads everything from comics to medical journals.

probably only has a few friends

too scared to have a close connection with anyone. scared of touch but yearns it.

wasn’t originally meant to join domus but they were accidentally chosen. they just went with it because they really didn’t have anything better to do.

bikes because they dont have a car

doesn’t drink/do drugs/smoke

connection ideas !

enemies !! who needs friends when you just hate everyone lmao. uhhhhh academic rivals, i hate you just to hate you rivals, i’ve got a real reason to hate you rivals.

(unrequited) crush !! either ur muse got a crush on harley or vice versa idc

friends !! probably doesn’t have many but the ones they do have, they are very close to

ex friend !!

bad influence !!

study buddies !!

idk im open to anything and everything !! it’s 11:50 pm on sunday while im writing this and im ignoring studying for my anatomy physiology test please kill me.

[jasonvtodd]

for laura.

fair warning: super massive amounts of sap, gay and just a bunch of really lame ass shit ahead

continue reading at your own peril.

  @bcydbeaulieu - happy birthday, idiot 💓

When life leaves you high and dry I'll be at your door tonight if you need help, if you need help I'll shut down the city lights, I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe to make you well, to make you well When enemies are at your door I'll carry you way from more If you need help, if you need help Your hope dangling by a string Ill share in your suffering to make you well, to make you well

alright. so i’ve sent you stuff before in my actual writing to say how much you mean to me, and i hope by now you do have some indication of how much you mean, as well as what we have means to me. i would say im not much for words but lmao who am i kidding i never shut up but i will try keep this relatively short(ish) and try not to reference jason todd or anything comic related this entire time (key word there: try)

laura b**ye. 

wow. you’re kind of an ass, you know that right?  

i mean... there i was, fresh in the foxhole court fandom, hadn’t really made any other friends in it... just finished it, fresh in the feels, rolling around in pain and the Usual foxhole feels... and then you happened.

i cant remember exactly who sent the first ask but im going to take a wild guess and say i think i messaged you first and then after just a few messages of yelling/incoherent ramblings... i asked if i could call you

after... what, not even 24hrs? ... or even 12 hrs 😂maybe 6?? ...or less. it was less i think? eh, who knows

point is... i was pretty much screwed from then on. 

every yell, every feeling, every headcanon, every cry i would give you.. you’d give me back twice over and then we just kept going.... and going... and going

to the point i didnt want to go into my new class with new people cause i didnt know them, and then you saying to me emily.... WE didnt know each other till today and me being like (even back then) yeah... but like... you’re different 

and hit me with a crowbar, boy fucking were you. 

here we are, over a year later (anniversary gays and all) and i honest to god cant imagine my life without you in it

You're my back bone, you're me cornerstone You're my crutch when my legs stop moving You're my headstart, you're my rugged heart You're the pokes that I've always needed Like a drum baby don't stop beating Like a drum baby don't stop beating Like a drum baby don't stop beating Like a drum my heart never stops beating

and i know people say that a lot and throw it around... but seriously. not to get Extra™ on you (cause when am i ever) but... if we ever stopped talking or something happened and you weren’t in my life? straight up? i wouldnt feel complete.

and now when i say that. look, i hate when people say other people complete them cause like damn cristina, complete yourself bitch dont rely on someone else yaknow?

but i mean it more in a just... having you in my life? you’ve just woven yourself piece by piece, each laugh, each night you read to me while i was looking at the stars wishing you were close... every action, every thing you did... just made you become rapidly more and more into my heart, wrapping around it with such a strength that i am never able to get rid of it

and if it ever was to go away? of having that feeling of knowing you’re there when i need you, of knowing there’s someone out there worlds a way that believes in me in ways i cant, of knowing that you would give anything to make me happy, of having someone who i can see and cry with or laugh with or whatever... if that just went away? 

buddy... friend.... my gUY... my dearest girl... 

well. simply put? 

i wouldn’t be me. not the best me i could be anyway. 

And I would do it for you, for you Baby I'm not moving on I love you long after you're gone For you, for you You would never sleep alone I love you long after you're gone And long after you're gone, gone, gone

saying you make me better person is such a cliche, bullshit line....

 annnnnnd yet............

you make me believe i can be the person i want to be

you make me want to be better, to do better

you constantly inspire me in ways that i dont think you’ll ever even realize or think of, but you do

you always have and i know you always will.

i’m so proud of you, you fucking nerd and everything that you’ve accomplished. all the work you’re putting into working towards your career is amazing and know that i will always be proud of you, no matter what 💙❤️💜

When you fall like a statue I'm gon' be there to catch you Put you on your feet, you on your feet And if your well is empty Not a thing will prevent me Tell me what you need, what do you need

I surrender honestly You've always done the same for me

also you’re fucking dumb

(....im sorry????????? this felt too sappy....... i panicked and had to insult)

SO IN CONCLUSION. 

you’re an ass

because you’ve gotten me to the point of ‘if she went away id be all kinds of fucked up’

so :))) cheers for that :))) asshole :)))))))))

laura

you’re my best friend, my partner in crime, my bisexual gal pal, my soulmate, my wife, my texan... and i love you i love you i love you... and babe? 

Even if you tried to get away from me, I'd follow you to the ends of the Earth

cause honey, we were born to make history 💖💖💖

Like a drum baby don't stop beating Like a drum baby don't stop beating Like a drum baby don't stop beating Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you And long after you're gone, gone, gone I love you long after you're gone gone gone

sidenote: you’ve said it before to me and i’ve always thought it... darling, we’d make one hell of a couple, it’d be one for the books... but, i think we both know that ain’t ever going to happen. and i truly think, that what we have? is stronger then any romantic relationship we could have formed. this is so much more then that and then some. and i cant ever thank you enough for it.

[mjeoppa]

a story i told my friends

it’s long so. also contains malay words, if need translation dont use google, ask me. Quick summary: im actually happy (???questionable) but its all rather bittersweet

Maybe a quick intro to the characters of the drama

Me:awkward but living Raja: someone i kinda grew close through wanting to go to the same places together, a smart girl who's understanding and talks a lot, went to an agama school so she has that conservative part of her Afiq: a guy who lives in my neighborhood who's like probably the good samaritan of our malaysian organization, hobbies include playing video games, watching anime and cooking Hakim: afiq's housemate, doesnt really talk to people much but likes to get involved, hobbies include creating short films

So, i met all 3 separately; raja, since she's in my batch, earlier on, in fact she actually flew to michigan with me halfway, then we had different flights. Afiq i met when he came over to my house once, then later he came by bc my housemates said he could help me put my table together, and even then we were chatting comfortably. Hakim i met on a bus home after orientation, and i recognized him immediately; the guys from damansara i saw in the malaysian organization yearbook. But i didnt say anything bc how would i know he's malaysian lol

So after awhile i became friends w raja and afiq, progressing quite well in the friendship statuses, both of them having common interests w me. Then i found out that they were close w each other too. By the end of the semester, it was pretty obvious that afiq has a thing for raja, by the way he treats her.

Hakim on the other hand i kept having accidental meet ups w on the bus, n i could only officially say i know him after the first mso (malaysian student organization) meeting, but after that i didnt have a chance to say a thing to him. But after that meeting, i could also officially say that i have a crush on this guy. Afiq had talked about him, my friend's housemate talked about him, n from what i learned this guy has a weird charm where he does the most unexpected things, or maybe bc hes so quiet no one really knows what hes thinking

Im close to one of my housemates (who has graduated last semester), kak tipah whom i confessed i have a thing for hakim, and she told me that he has a girlfriend 🙃this was rather early in the semester, so i ended up shuffling crushes a lot throughout, but ofc hakim was still my first crush, also my first heartbreak in michigan

Another one of my housemates, kak su, recruited me to join her for her winter break trip, and when she asked whom i think would wanna join, i suggested raja. Another person who was already in on the plan w kak su was a guy named mirza. At this point i knew nothing about him. There was a phase where i would continuously confirm w my housemates whom mirza is through pictures until i could officially recognize him myself

It was thanksgiving, or maybe a few days before when mirza finally confirmed that the fifth and final member of our trip is hakim (jeng jeng jeng). I was happy, but i had to remain calm. He has a girlfriend, after all.

Okay so winter trip. That was so freaking fun. Funny thing is that we were 5 random people w different backgrounds, and yet we managed to make it work. It was awkward in the beginning, but later we learned how each other worked and after a few forum sessions we were more open w each other. Yes i did get to know hakim, but i also got to know so much more about raja, and mirza is a person that i didnt expect when i first came here to be someone that would be cool w being friends w me.

The ridiculous thing is that it was very early in the trip that we established that both kak su and hakim werent available. I didnt know when it started, but hakim started to talk more, and i liked that he didnt mind sitting around me, he was comfortable w stuff like giving me food he couldnt finish and asking what i wanted to order (dinner is usually the time we could talk, otherwise we'd be in the car and we cant really have a one on one conversation)

Raja on the other hand couldnt stop talking

She asked weird questions, and at first it was just to me, but later i fell asleep a lot so she started asking mirza, and so it became a thing that when theyre bored they would be listening to raja's epiphanies about life

Somewhere in between the first and second week of the trip i was texting afiq a lot n he said "aku susah nak rapat dengan perempuan" so to prove to him how bad i am at making friends w guys i told him that he's the closest guy friend i ever had, so ever since that i guess we had this agreement that we were somewhat close friends and we can kinda tell each other stuff

And believe me, i tell afiq stuff i dont even tell raja

So anyway at first i was kinda happy, and we had fun talking bout stuff, but later i saw that he was chatting w raja, so i felt a bit suckish bc he said he was bad at making friends w girls, so was he just saying it for the sake of it?

So there was a time where we were staying at separate houses, the girls and boys, so we decided to go out to eat, and there wasnt anything else to do in tulsa anyway, so we sat and ate and talked for 3 hours. So i asked mirza when did he finally recognized me as "elyna" and he said actually the first time he heard of me was from afiq who told him that i knew a bunch of animes, and yea actually this was before i told him hes my closest guy friend but i just realized that this was when hakim started to talk to me more than usual

Hmm there were times when he says stuff that i was thinking, n i think i say stuff that hes thinking as well bc when it happens he kinda glanced at me weirdly in the beginning, later when weve talked to each other more we finally say things like "hey i was about to say the same thing" or something like that. Example: we were eating at a thai restaurant n the menu was kinda simple, and i was thinking to myself "ape lagi. Pad thai jela." Then mirza asked hakim what he was gonna order, and he literally said the exact same thing i was thinking. Once mirza asked for an extra bowl of rice (also a thai restaurant, but this was a lot later) and he was saying "mahal doh, 2 ringgit" then hakim asked "brape?" "2 ringgit" then i glanced at him and he glanced at me and i said "murah gak tu. 2 ringgit kalau dollar 50cent." Then we laughed and he said he was about to say the same thing.

Theres this thing during dinners that he does, starting from this gyro place, where he would want me to sit somewhere near him, like either across or next to him, probably so that he can crack jokes w me, but after awhile we ran out of things to say. So sometimes we kinda order similar things just bc. Im not sure. Sometimes he follows my lead, sometimes i follow his, then when what i wanna order is too far from what he wants he just orders wtv he wants. I guess later he realizes that im really bad at first orders haha my food always turns out not that good a dish.

Okay so if i go on and on about the trip this story will never end. Basically we had fun, for a bunch of awkwardly matched 5-some. Raja really liked opening forums and asked weird questions and one of em was what were their first thoughts of us, and hakim said that i came to his house several times to play video games so he thought he'd have that to talk about w me. Raja, he said talked way too much for his liking in the beginning, he said he would like his peace lmao. Both of them knew kak su beforehand so they didnt really think of anything. Thing is, raja actually felt hurt at hakim's comment, even tho it was evident that even if he didnt like all her talking, he wouldnt actually stop her from talking. Except there was a time we wanted to play a game in the car n he said "jom main game senyap, siape paling lama diam die menang" n we all laughed n we asked whats the prize n he said that person can get to talk for an hour n kak su said lets let hakim win so that he has to talk for an hour. I take too much time explaining details ugh.

So for the next day after that confession by hakim raja didnt talk to hakim at all. She literally asked everyone what their glasses power were except hakim. I laughed at him quietly in sympathy. But later she was okay w him again. Just that whenever he talked to her she would complain to me.

She also complained that hakim took a long time to follow raja back on instagram but for me it was on the same night. I said it was bc i followed him when i saw that he was on ig, but she said she saw him going on ig after she requested to follow him but he hadnt approved.

Also both raja and kak su knows i like hakim since before the trip.

It was in new orleans that i really felt like he was making me expect too much from him. He wanted to buy a hot dog for himself, but kak su n raja were sharing, n i didnt want one whole hot dog, so he ended up sharing w me, n he even followed me to the counter when i ordered, n it really made me happy, my heart was bursting, thats the only way i can explain it.

So after that everything was rather mediocre. I theorized a pattern in his ig picture liking in which he would like pictures i post that did not include myself in it, except one. After we got home i kinda felt that feeling of "so thats it?"

But it wasnt. My housemates were saying i couldnt move on, but it really wasnt something to move on from. 3 weeks of just them gave me a lifetime of memories. So when I went out w raja on the sunday before classes start, i guess i shouldnt have been surprised whem raja confessed that she has a crush on mirza.

She went on and on about how they had been talking ever since the morning after we arrived home, and all i could talk about was how i felt like hakim treated me like something more than just another girl, n raja said she saw it too, n i couldnt hold on to those feelings bc he has a gf.

Talking about his gf, throwback to new orleans, second night, 1am. It was just me, mirza and raja, n before mirza had mentioned that hakim's gf went to mirza's mrsm before he got there, so he kinda knew who she was, n he told us that night that the girl's previous boyfriend wasnt like hakim at all, so he was surprised. So me n raja were making all kinds of conclusions. Maybe hakim came into the picture right after mimi, the gf just broke up w her prev bf so she was more accepting of him. Maybe mirza didnt really like the girl. Maybe the circumstances of their relationship is not as it appears, but theyve been together for 3 years, and for 2 of those years hakim was in the states n she's back home, so who r we to say if their relationship is good or not? Speculation wasnt even decent, but we speculated anyway.

But yea semester started n in the first week the only time i saw hakim was through a snap of him sleeping in between classes. Raja was moving into our apartment, bc 2 of my housemates were graduating, so she was taking over one of the leases. When hakim found out he was like "alaa nnti jumpa raja dalam bas." N raja was half kidding when she said "okay la kalau jumpa dalam bas aku tak tegur kau".

On that sunday afiq was being real weird. He's close to one of my housemates, one that i havent revealed until now, kak sj, n i dont know if it has anything to do w her graduating. she was the one who told me to ask him to help w the table n she invited him over several times to cook w her. But he was asking me if i had classes he could join in n in the first week, i saw him every week day. We talked a lot about mso n classes n common interests. One day i was saying youre old afiq, and you havent even confessed to ur crush, whatre u gonna do? Then he told me that hes actually confessed to her, a month ago. I was so surprised. I mean, if it really was a month ago, it had to be someone from my batch, probably, n it couldnt have been anyone but raja? But i didnt wanna assume, so i offered a trade - my crush for yours. So he told me about confessing to raja, n i told him about hakim.

That night we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours about feelings and shit. I was pretty dumbfounded. He confessed to raja before the trip, and she kept that from me all the while, i know its probably not my business, but i wonder if she thought it was better that i didnt know? Bc she tells me almost everything about her life, n i tell her almost everything about mine, so why this secret?

I couldnt keep all this to myself. The night before kak tipah's flight home, i told her everything. She said that she shipped mirza w raja, n me w afiq. I told her that me n afiq cant be more than friends, especially not now. And imagine, im actually one of the last ones to know about this confession. Both of them must know that i felt left out? Kak tipah asked, if afiq suddenly told me he likes me, what would i do? I said i probably wouldnt accept him, bc i feel like im just the second option. Then she asked, what if he confessed to me, not raja? Then i said i probably wouldnt accept him immediately, but eventually.

I also felt that afiq's confession was off in timing- it was way too early. We hadnt been here for even 6 months, we barely know everyone in mso, u really couldnt expect her to have accepted him immediately. But later afiq did say that he didnt expect anything from her, he just wanted to know that he likes her. One of the things that we mentioned during the 2 hour talk was what was his previous girlfriends like, n he said him n his friends concluded that there were 3 main components in the girls he liked; 1. Wears glasses 2. Is introverted and 3. Has common interests w him. I was being so slick at not pointing out that all these descriptions fit me, but instead i avoided it by comparing it to raja, n she only wears glasses at night, is extremely extroverted, n common interests w her is very general.

But yea, he dropped out of the classes he was planning to take w me, but we still talked a lot about stuff, n two wednesdays ago i went to his house for fun, n it was hakim's turn to cook, n i think that was the third time this semester i saw him, n he invited me to eat and said "makanla, aku masak untuk kau kot" n it was a happy moment, even if i knew he was just kidding. Later all his housemates left me n afiq to our geeking out session.

The first time i saw him in the semester was during an mso gathering. We didnt talk. The second time i saw him, i didnt actually see him, altho he probably saw me. Raja had been complaining about meeting hakim on buses n being awkward about it, so one day I was helping raja move her stuff, n we were carrying big plastic bags of pillows onto a bus. Raja mentioned beforehand that she hopes she doesnt see any malaysians, n especially not hakim. The bus we got on was rather crowded, so me n raja had to sit separately. I wanted to sit at the back, but it was too much effort to squeeze in, so i just sat somewhere in the middle. When we were almost home, raja kept giving me signals, but i didnt get it. As soon as we got off, raja went all "DAH CAKAP DAH. MULUT AKU NI MASIN SANGAT." So hakim was on that bus, n i didnt even notice him, even after all my previous efforts to get on a bus w him, when i finally did i didnt even see him. I probably did, but i didnt recognize it was him. Raja kept complaining about it but i was just frustrated, so she ended up pissing me off.

Okay so one day i told him that i had a theory for why he likes raja, a girl who doesnt fit the usual description, n it was bc he didnt want to get broken hearted by girls who are as such again, so he opted for someone who's different, bc srsly his exgf treats him like they never came around to broke his heart so thats mean, but it was also a hint i was giving that he should probably stick to being friends w me so that he wont get broken hearted again, but he was all "hahahah you just made my day" and it was bittersweet

This whole thing is bittersweet- liking hakim is, too. Bc i feel like he's someone who treats me better than he treats raja, n that feels so good, even if it sounds mean, but when was the last time i ever felt like i was someone who was preferred over another girl?

Back to the story, things kinda got lost in between my own life of working and classes and doing design stuff for mso n never doing what they want me to do, so when raja suggested we made a batch gathering in our new house, i thought it was an awesome idea bc i havent hung out w kids in my batch for awhile now, n after having a short lunch w one of em the other day i realized that theyve been spending their time living their lives awesomely as well, n i kinda wanna hear all about it.

So yeaa after many discussions on when we should do it n whos free when we finally decided to do it last friday night. Thing is, that morning was my first shift ever, so right after i had to go buy stuff to replenish the household resources. when i was on my bus home, i saw afiq somewhere near the bus driver. I waved at him, hating to sit in front bc those r usually reserved seats n i dont like hesitating to stand up to offer an older person the seat, so i went all the way to the back w my bags of groceries n there he was, abdul hakim bin zazli.

When he saw me he asked "pegi meijer ke?" And i said yea and our conversation stopped there. I was wearing earphones, but he wasnt, but he was looking at his phone. Afiq messaged me "have fun" n i hated him. After awhile i noticed he wasnt really on his phone, he was just bored n that was his escapade, as usual, a habit of his ive noticed since the trip. So I wanted to make conversation, but when i called out "kim" he wasnt responding so i looked away, but suddenly he turned to me but i was already looking somewhere else, so he didnt say anything. He didnt say bye, but after walking a bit i noticed afiq turning around n grinning at the bus. I still hate him.

So that night was pretty awesome. Even most of the guys came. All the girls came. It was tiring having to make sure there was always food for the guests n that they werent bored, but everyone was pretty chill n i loved it. My batch is pretty awesome. I think one of the best feelings after thinking that u suck at befriending guys is having guys laugh at your jokes. intec guys sucked. period.

Saturday night. I was supposed to be studying for a monday exam. Suddenly afiq asked if i wanted to play left4dead2, which is a game we casually play together w sal, a chill sarawak girl who i have a friend crush on (she loves video games too n owns a ps4). We also managed to get mirza to play w us. After losing one round too many times, mirza quit n the cpu sort of saved our ass. It was 2am n we were still talking while doing our own shit. I have a feeling us 3 would make a pretty awesome trio.

Anyway i ended up being the last one sleeping bc i was editing jongup's bday video, but they all said they'd wanna come over to the ceramics studio to play clay from my wheel throwing class. So the next morning i told them it was pretty empty, so sal came n made an awesome mug for a first timer. She had fun. Afiq had a meeting so we met up w him for pizza after, then he came back to the studio w me bc he wanted to play w clay too. He told me that hakim brought the car to campus, so if i still had a lot of work to do n would probably miss the last bus at 5.30 i could ask him. So i did. He said he was going back at 10, n afiq didnt wanna go back that late, so he ended up have someone pick him up at 7. At 9, hakim was in front of the art building.

I keep forgetting to tell u guys that raja has met hakim on buses several times but he wouldnt talk to her, or like, he ignored her, which was something he did even to me before the trip, which is why when he talked to me first on friday, it felt great really. But raja hated it. She questioned it - why does hakim talk to me but not her? Why is he the only person she knows who wouldnt talk to her? I guess what she hated was his ego, but it also made it sound like she wants everyone on earth to love her, n i couldnt really stand that. But i didnt say a thing.

So when he initiates conversation during that what felt so short trip home, i was happy. As i described it to raja, it was a give n take. He would ask a question then talk n I would ask a question then talk n we were still cracking jokes when we were at the front door of my apartment. Unlike afiq who likes long goodbye n attachment, hakim's goodbyes were short n sweet, n i wonder why he's so chill w me, n some parts of me says that he probably thinks i have something going on w afiq, n i kinda hate that.

-tbc-

[wontonsupremacy]

Rant/Column of Human relationships: The Judgement in continuing or cutting people off, what factors affect us?

As a starting thesis I’d like to say this is a rant, but also a pseudo Journalist attempt. Think of it like Sex and the City where the narrator rants and hypothesizes about “current dating culture”. Except mine doesn’t have sex in it quite yet. -- Scroll all the way down to see the conclusion if you don’t want to see my rants lmao.

So what happenned was that Kim and I have been hanging out wayyyy too much too closely when we still really don’t know each other. Its been highly stressful already and me getting Assistant Director to her Director was something I was scared of.  She has alot of classes and alot of things going on despite her becoming director, and with the change of directors I realize there will be huge changed in the committee-- as well as members leaving. The problem is that the committee is already wayy smaller than it should be that we have had to have other directors and ask for volunteers so much. She has family issues, especially with her dad and I realize that she probably didnt need to hear anything from me quite yet. But with me becoming assistant director, many things have come up, and I’ve also had to come up to tell her about the committee issue last friday.  Already there’s huge conflict inside me about her, because I obviously knew that I should have been soft with calling her out as a director. I also realize that I was highly stressed at her, not anyone else but her because she kept asking me to hang out, to come see her at union board, to come to here and there THEN whine about not getting her homework done. I’ve witnessed that she spends more time on youtube videos streaming while she does her homework, and lets just say it is highly frustrating for me to hang out with her when I could be productive, when I also definetly am not “part of her distraction” to do her homework and youtubing.  I guess this is how Kuro felt too, but its not more so of her and her lifestyle, but the fact that I want to help her and support her and root for her mental health and all that, but she’s not helping herself and I feel like I’m just wasting my energy and feelings. I definetly feel like Kuro. I just sigh and I don’t want to be tied down to this.  I have things to do as well, and as much as I love hanging out with someone like her who is equally needy, straight up with opinions and roasting, has a strange sense of humour and doesn’t like to deal with drama, -- I think our friendship may already becoming an end if I don’t keep my distance with her.  A match may light up quicker but go out sooner.  Lets just say that for both of us, it was necessary to take a step back, distance ourselves and at worst cut ourselves off from each other to maintain peace. I was becoming really crabby and irritative at her. I miss her, we know, we both probably do inside but I know Kim doesn’t miss me because she’s probably already smashed the door to her emotions toward me. I’ve already emotionally betrayed her- but it was necessary for the both of us right?  And its not like I had to do a “talk” about this feeling. It’s more so that I think I used the committee issue to stress talk and she got the hint. Which I must be more than grateful for, especially because I’ve been so busy that I only got irritated about this an hour ago when I accidentally thought of her and checked if she had messaged me-- and ofcourse, my butthurt ass saw she hadn’t even read my apology I typed last Friday, which clicked me on and infuriated me in some way, brought back memories of why I had been so angry, and I am typing right now.  I haven’t heard from her at all, and I’m glad that I’ve met Kuro already that I don’t have to bitch at her. I think on the positive side, I could practice being more open hearted, understanding, and more casual and lenient to this kind of lifestyle. There’s a girl that talked to be from a dating app recently and she’s like me, and I’m like Kim to her. She wants faster and more frequent texting, warming up quicker and more real talk. Lets just say I’ve already found red flags and decided not to go with it because of my anxiety. I told her me and her would just be friends, and if she responds I’m hoping not to respond anymore.  I guess its exactly that. Being stressed over small things aren’t a thing for certain seasons of certain people. If I can’t be open to that, then its the end. I think that’s what I can change if Kuro ever came back to be a friend to me, even if its not a relationship this kind of issue can definetly become a big issue to someone who wants frequent contact.  Rushing things is bad-- I guess I should put it that way, but its exactly that. Matching someone’s life tempo/speed is a thing, and should be a thing. If you can’t deal with it you leave.  Conclusion So in the end it comes down to:

Do you like this person enough to go through with dealing with them, their lifestyle, their life tempo/speed, and if you can keep that up with them-- and if they can keep up if you can’t.  It’s a cooperation, human relationships. But sometimes we need to realize who is a priority, you? or them? And the judgement that goes into this ultimately comes down to weighing their value against your life, including your own health and future possibilities you might be missing.  A good example of this would be Kade. I hated him for a huge chunk of my year I met him, we were nothing more than casual friends who ranted to each other, but lets say when he made a point in saying he didn’t want to hear anymore and he was done, I was done with him too. But I found out I actually really liked Kade, and despite him being such a rude and sassy Queen, I got over my offended ass and stuck my hand back out to him to say “How’s it going?” after a bit of a hiatus. As it turns out, he liked me enough too to say “I’m doing way better than last year.” and eventually we were visiting each other’s houses back and forth.  So do I like Kim?  It would be nice to have her over again, with some changed to how frequent I hang and how long. Occasional stay-overs would be cool. Occasional hangouts outside would be cooler since I can go home without begging for a ride.The importance here would be to find an ideal situation for a good friendship balance. My friendship balance with her is alot more distanced from her than what I’d imagined, I’m surprised, myself, but this is how comfortable I actually am around her, and not right now.  What should I improve to make this work- am I capable of these improvements?  I will have to definitely be capable of maintaining emotional distance from her. I will also have to be even more straightforward with my insecurity with her and to be nice about it. I will also have to definitely organize not only my personal life and time around her, but also “union board me” and “friend me” (via Alexis the dumb adviser, shitty I have to agree to this). This includes knowing when to call her out on certain things, and when to not, when to wait until the time is crucial. I’m definitely rooting for only mentioning things she’s doing “wrong” or “difficult” if it has become a large issue, she wants/asks my opinion, but also when there is a huge need to-- do not be “helpful” as a friend as an assistant director.  As a friend I will also need to not talk about work related things too much, if the topic comes up I will have to maintain my assistant director viewpoint. I will focus on being straightforward, to voice my opinion in other things, to joke and proceed as usual-- but I will need to clarify my own needs, to organize and manage my own time, and learn to mind my own business, but still be considerate to others. This consideration definitely has to include certain comparisons and mentioning of member/friend names to make a certain point to Kim (using Kade vs. Her was a really bad idea). The biggest issue I would have changing though, is that she will only contact you if she needs you, likes you, feels ready to talk to you, or has a specific reason she has to contact you. -- I will not ever, be able to catch her on my needs, ask her for a reliable favor, or maintain contact on stable ground. I will have to be okay with her being unreliable, expect inconsistency, and expect her to leave if she does one day and be okay with it. The thing is, it’s not that I’m not trusting her anymore, or the fact that I will never get emotionally close to her anymore either. The importance is placing trust in this negative factor of hers that I don’t like; placing trust in her consistency. In this case, I trust her to be consistent in being inconsistent, unreliable, and contacting me only on her terms. Now, I have to use these factors positively.  How?-- Usually people who act a certain way thinks it is completely normal to act this way, hence, I can act the same way and it will be justified. On the positive side, I only have to meet with her when both of us truly want to , she will never be two-sided if I do meet her, and if she hits me up that means she actually enjoys my company. When she doesn’t, she has a clear no, and whatever I send her is simply answered as ‘no’. I will have to read her action as the response, and not wait for an actual response. In general, I do like Kim a bit. Not the absolute dismay if I have lost her already, but knowing these changes, I feel better already, and I think I’m capable of these changes. This will lead to a way more casual friendship (as friendships should be in some ways?), and I think is balanced for our current closeness. We are still somewhat strangers and I think its good to clarify where we stand and how to move from this step.  As far as the improvement goes, I will see her Tuesday, and I will not stay extra hours unless she asks. If she reads my messages, messages me again to hang, that means we are not as done as I thought. But also I will see her replying at all as a sign of friendship, if not, I will appropriately see it as an end and leave it at that.  The rest? I need to chill and freak out less too quickly. Holding a casual feel is the best thing I can do. 

So here’s a list for me:

(1) Maintaining emotional distance (2) Straightforward communication of insecurities  (3) Be able to organize work and friendship separately  (3(a) -- Holding back opinions during work (she is the director) (3(b) -- Continue as usual but maintain assistant director attitude on certain topics, but also be considerate. 

(4) Trust in her consistency: she will only contact her if she wants to, she is unreliable, and she will leave if she wants to. 

(4(a) I can act the same way and she will be okay. (5) Read her action, don’t wait for her response.  (5) (example:) Don’t stay if she doesn’t ask you to. Don’t go by her terms if I have other things to do.   Only meet her if she asks.  Don’t hang if you don’t want to. Ask her if you want to, but don’t expect a response.  Do not expect anything that you haven’t asked for.  Don’t ask too much because she may not be capable of it. If she offers, she is capable of it.  Let her lead until she asks you to help.