#so I had to go find a video with the scene so I could transcribe it myself

[pixlatedvampire]

You gave those wounds to your god, Enki. Did you think they would heal so easily?

(Uh Oh! Someone gave the priest catholic guilt!)

[fob4ever]

i was at a bookstore yesterday that had a copy of the kerrang: living loud book that featured the FOB watergun fight article i've never seen transcribed anywhere so i made a transcript of it for archival purposes. enjoy! from kerrang, may 2005.

For a man staring down the barrel of a loaded gun while wearing just underpants, Fall Out Boy bassist Peter Wentz looks remarkably chipper. Especially when you consider the person about to unload in his face is guitarist and vocalist Patrick Stump, grinning madly despite the fact that fellow six-stringer Joe Trohman has a pistol to his temple. He in turn is firmly in the firing line of drummer Andy Hurley, cackling loudly with his finger hovering over the trigger.

Passers-by stop and stare, waiting for the inevitable, messy climax of this "Reservoir Dogs" scenario. The tension mounts, onlookers brace themselves, the band get ready to open fire. Suddenly it happens.

"Argh!" screams Wentz as several litres of icy water soak him. "That's fucking cold!"

No, Fall Out Boy aren't about to blow each other away, They're having a water fight for K!'s benefit in a car park at the Chicago stop on travelling punk circus Warped Tour, where they're knocking out their "softcore" wares ("We're basically a hardcore band that couldn't cut it as a hardcore band," laughs Wentz) on the main stage alongside big hitters like The Offspring, Avenged Sevenfold and My Chemical Romance. The Windy City is more than just another stop for them; Chicago is Fall Out Boy's hometown, the place where they formed out of the ashes of their old hardcore bands, and where they still live with their parents- who are here for today's show - during the few weeks of the year they're not on tour.

It all started for Fall Out Boy here in 2001 when the members wanted a break from playing in their various bands. Long time friends Wentz and Hurley got together with hardcore associate Joe Trohman to do something a bit less heavy. Following a conversation about avant-metallers Neurosis in a bookstore, Trohman introduced Stump to the rest of the band. When their other bands folded, they took on Fall Out Boy full time.

"We wanted to do things before we were ready," chuckles Peter Wentz fondly of the early days of DIY tours for the benefit of the one or two people who would show up. "We'd plan two-week tours, just to see the world. Nobody would book us, so we had to do it all on our own."

"A lot of bands have scenes to go into and surround themselves with those people," says Stump. "We had no scene, so we would just play anywhere, with whoever."

FOB have come a long way from their humble roots. Right now they're America's fastest rising band. Radio smash 'Sugar, We're Goin' Down' has placed them squarely in the mainstream, having spent three weeks as the Number One song on MTV's 'TRL', a prime-time show usually devoted to pop acts like Maroon 5 and Ashlee Simpson. So dizzying their Stateside assent has been, they had to cancel their recent European tour in order to play the MTV Music Video Awards, where they are also nominated for 'Sugar...'. Thankfully, FOB haven't let the screaming adoration turn them into big-headed twats.

"A piece of shit with legs on it could walk onto 'TRL' and people would still go crazy," laughs Wentz. "That stuff just goes straight by me. With the fast turnover in the music industry, how can anyone have an ego"

Andy Hurley chips in. "You can be today's main stage and tomorrow's trash."

That's to find out tomorrow, though. Today among the madness of trying to plan anything on the Warped Tour - stage times are decided daily by lottery - Fall Out Boy have to try and find time for hanging out with family and friends.

"Three weeks on Warped is like three months on a normal tour," says Peter Wentz.

"Home becomes like Atlantis on tour, you wonder if it actually exists after a while," adds Patrick Stump.

Now FOB are big stars, a lot of old 'friends' have been coming out of the woodwork. Joe Trohman and Peter Wentz have polarised views on those who didn't give a toss back in the day suddenly becoming your pal once you've made it.

"The way I look at it is if someone's a dick to you and you don't know them, so what?" says Trohman. "Just care about who did support you, keep those important people close, not the people who five years ago called you a loser."

"I work the opposite way!" Wentz counters, before adding darkly, "The people I think about most are enemies. My brain works on revenge!"

Though a tight knit group of close friends, Peter Wentz is clearly Fall Out Boy's spokesman. He does most of the talking during the interview and writes the lyrics, and seems like the most driven one of the lot. As well as doing Fall Out Boy, Wentz has also written a book with tattoo artist Joe Tesaure, 'The Boy With The Thorn In His Side'. It's a dark, twisted tale that could have come straight from the brain of Tim Burton.

"I've always been into Roahl Dahl and people like that, and I was friends with a tattoo artist at the time and we came up with this idea to do a book together," he explains. "It wasn't something I felt fitted in with what Fall Out Boy is, I hate when bands do something that's not 'them'. The book is what it is, and Fall Out Boy is what we are."

Despite all thise talk of nightmares and revenge, FOB are upbeat individuals, enjoying their newfound success, while refusing to allow success to go to their heads. They'll tell you they don't like the shallowness of groupies or industry parties, and that the trappings of rock stardom hold no appeal.

"I don't feel like I deserve it," says Wentz in closing. "It's not like, 'this amount of time and this amount of shows = this kind of bus'. I appreciate what we've got. We've toured in a tiny van and it was cool, but now we're having new adventures living like this. I don't feel we deserve it more than any other bands do."

He surveys the sumptuosly appointed tour bus for a moment before chuckling heartily.

"Actually, that's a lie, we totally deserve it more than anyone else! Ha ha!"

[lalalian]

dr interviews: aeris lucresha greze

date: november 2, 2024

Aeris is my drself in my dragon rider academy dr (aethergarde academy dr)! this is essentially what would happen if I had to be interviewed for a newspaper-- oh, you should be prepared for that, by the way. Videos are a thing, they'll just be on newspapers, and the words from both me and the interviewer will be transcribed somewhere below the moving image.

My drself is honestly just me, but like idk, fancified? Maybe not, idk, I don’t really like to change my personality.

anyway, let's get on to the interview!

WAIT FIRST I LOOKED BACK AT THE POLL AND REALIZED I HAD MY NAME DOWN AS 'ERIS', I KEPT FLIP FLOPPING BETWEEN ERIS AND AERIS, WENT WITH ERIS FOR A WHILE, THEN SWITCHED TO AERIS... I'M AERIS NOT ERIS LMAO

I’ll explain why my last name isn’t Kashmir here in another post!

The Serpentine Record is one of most well-known newspaper outlets in aenaroth!

kalina: "By the skies, it's so exciting to see you! My name is Kalina Idreyss-- I'll be interviewing you today for The Serpentine Record, how have you been doing lately?-- I'm sure the academy's been working you and Kairos to the bone!"

aeris: "Yeah it kinda sucks. Kinda is an understatement honestly."

kalina: "*laugh* We all know how rigorous Aethergarde Academy can be, but, Cadet Greze, would you say it's harsher than your previous life before the academy?"

aeris: "Yes. I could at least sleep in peace at home, but now... oh by the six-- there he goes again."

The building trembles slightly, large gusts of wind force the slightly ajar windows open. A young black dragon roars loudly, Aeris sighs, perhaps this was a rather common occurrence.

aeris: "I told you to go play with the others. I'll be done soon, I promise."

She stands from the plush chair, her feet mourned the loss of comfort as she walked towards the dragon. Kalina stifled a giggle as she watched the scene.

aeris: "No? I can't just leave now. Kai, you have to be on your own sometimes, I can't be here all the time--"

The dragon roars loudly, snapping it's jaws and forcing its head through the window. Aeris pats his head. Suddenly, the slight eye bags below her lower lashes were more noticeable to Kalina.

kalina: "Aww, he's absolutely adorable~! He seems to be quite clingy, I heard gildeds aren't the cuddly type-- I suppose he's in good hands, yeah? Kairos, would--"

The dragon snaps his jaws irritably in Kalina's direction. Aeris swats at his nose, reprimanding the youngling.

aeris: "Sorry, he can be a bit rude towards strangers. Ah, and he's definitely not cuddly, he's clingy. I suppose coddling him like crazy from birth made him this way."

Aeris looks back to the dragon sternly; her eyes narrow-- a clear sign that the rider was speaking sternly to her dragon. The dragon chuffs, smoke puffing out of it's mouth before backing out of the window, and flying on another tower close to their location. Aeris closes the window and locks it, dearly hoping the glass frame was unscathed.

kalina: "Isn't he sweet?" Kalina remarks lightheartedly.

aeris: "He's so sweet. I love it when I find my lunch rotting in his nest. He doesn't even eat any of it... he could've at least eaten it-- why waste food just to annoy me??"

Kalina laughs again, enjoying the dynamic between the two.

kalina: "Oh, can you explain why you chose to name your dragon Kairos? It's a rather unique name."

aeris: "Well, to me, he represented opportunity. He came to me at a critical time in my life, and... I wanted his name to emulate that. I found his name in an old book back at home; I believe Kairos was the word for a critical moment in time in an ancient language, in the book, the word was Romanized into English. I don't know where that book went, but that word just stuck with me ever since I saw it"

Kalina nodded, she wasn't sure what language the name was from, but it held an air of prestige that suited the cadet's dragon.

kalina: "Kairos suits him well, Cadet Greze. I think your dragon is grateful to have a rider who's good with names. Ah-- could you expand on your life here at Aethergarde Academy? Is it what you expected it to be? Did you think you'd end up becoming an S-tier rider?"

aeris: "My life here consists of pure hard work. To be honest, I didn't really know what to expect, but at the same time, I did... I'm not sure how to explain it. I know this academy quite well, but it's not like I knew I'd end up here. Being a rider in general was out of the question for me, I never thought I’d actually be one. I grew up admiring dragons, but I always felt distant— like it was something unattainable."

kalina: "I definitely relate to that distant kind of feeling. I grew up thinking that way too, but now, the two of us are on our way to do great things, aren't we?”

Kalina gives the cadet an encouraging smile, “Cadet Greze, can I ask how you came to know of Aethergarde Academy? Some of the students Serpentine Record interviewed in the past didn't even know much about riders until they became cadets. Did you hear about riders from your parents-- maybe your friends?"

Aeris opened her mouth to speak, but decided against it. She cleared her mouth and smiled, Kalina thought her smile seemed a little mischevious, as if she knew something others did not.

aeris: "Yeah I heard about it from whatever books I could get my hands on. I used newspapers to build my vocabulary so... I... I would use them to practice writing."

kalina: "My, you must've been a smart kid! Did your parents think you'd end up here?"

aeris: "Definitely not, honestly. It's complicated."

Kalina nods, wanting to ask more questions, but it seemed Aeris wanted to keep her humble beginnings to herself.

kalina: "Alright then, Cadet Greze, is it okay if I ask about your classmates? How's your relationship with them? Is there anyone that you're interested in?"

Aeris' face sours as the interviewer asked her about any students she was 'interested in'.

aeris: "Uh, sure, go for it. I really like Miaene; she's really fun to talk to and she's in a lot of my classes. I'm honestly glad that I even met her-- without her, I'm not sure I'd make it to my other classes in time... the hallways can be confusing. I'm a bit wary of Cadet Lancaster, mostly because he's always discreetly in my business... if that makes sense. Luckily he's only in one of my classes... ah, but it's unfortunate that he's in my throwing knife class. Straus is fine; I try not to talk to him much because-- Uh... I mean, he's great. I prefer Miaene's company."

kalina: "Cadet Lumynstrov? I'm glad you're getting along with some of your classmates; not many people predicted that you'd get along so well with her. Ah-- is there anyone you're interested in?"

aeris: "I'm very platonically interested in all my classmates."

Kalina laughs, but continues to prod.

kalina: "Are you sure? What about the Lancaster Cadets? Cadet Whit?"

aeris: "The Lancaster Cadets are... very..."

kalina: "Very...?"

aeris: "...Irritating. Slightly perturbing. Occasionally bothersome."

kalina: "Callisto seems to be quite interested in you, perhaps the two of you would--"

aeris: "absolutely not, miss idreyss."

Aeris shivers in disgust. The idea of Callisto was like drinking dragon piss, perhaps even worse than that.

Kalina laughs and gives the cadet a cheeky look.

kalina: "Aw, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to explore that path, no?"

aeris: "No. Miss. Idreyss. It would."

kalina: "*laugh* Well, I would like to inform you that many people like the idea of the two of you together-- based on a few photos in some recent papers, Callisto often sneaks out to see you--"

Aeris, horrified, abruptly interrupts Kalina.

aeris: "He what??? I need to get a restraining order-- cause WHAT."

kalina: "A… restraining order...?"

aeris: "It's nothing. I just--" Aeris gags.

Kalina tries to hold in a laugh behind her fist, and takes out a few newspapers from her bag.

kalina: "Many are speculating that these students are Cadet Lancaster--"

She points to a familiar white haired boy in each photograph, with each photo, Aeris grows more aghast.

aeris: "Th-that is him...!"

kalina: "Other than personal interest, do you know why he'd be so inclined to follow you around?"

aeris: “He's GROSS, that's why."

kalina: "I'm sure if the two of you got to know each other, he'd try to meet you on your own terms!"

Kalina held back another laugh with a smile. Aeris could only respond with disgust at the prospect.

aeris: "Just... Next question please..."

kalina: "Alright, hm, oh-- What classes are you most interested in this year, and what do you plan to take later on?"

aeris: "A-As I mentioned earlier, I'm taking a beginner throwing knife classes, if Callisto wasn't in that class too, it'd be more fun. Because of him, I think my favorite class in general is my scythe training class. I'd say my favorite non-fighting class would be Magical Creatures I. I really would like to take a few Merspeak classes in the future."

kalina: "You chose to use a scythe? Most riders choose to fight with swords-- what made you choose the scythe?"

aeris: "Honestly, it just felt right. It's not like I was unhappy learning how to use a sword-- it just didn't feel like it suited me."

kalina: "Oh wow, I heard that the scythe has a pretty steep learning curve-- did class go well on your first day?"

aeris: "It went as well as it could've been. Our teacher is tough on us, we aren't allowed to leave until we've mastered the skill to a certain degree. Luckily, it seems that I've got some sort of natural skill for scything."

kalina: "That's great, I think the scythe really suits you. It's rare to see a student choose that kind of weapon."

aeris: "Yeah... I don't blame them."

kalina: "Alright then, that's all the questions I've got for today, do you want to say anything else?"

aeris: "Mm... Don't treat Kairos harshly. Yes, he's a gilded dragon, but it's not like he chose to be that way. He's powerful, but under all those scales, he's emotionally weak. I won't stop him from lashing out if someone decides to spit on him purely because of his breed-- I mean, I'll rein him in if he tries to hurt anyone, but I think people need to face the consequences of their actions. Kairos isn't the kind of dragon to take things lightly, neither am I. I refuse to have people experiment on him or examine him like he's some sort of object. Thank you for today's interview, Miss Idreyss."

wanna know more about my aethergarde academy dr? here's a masterlist with everything I've posted about it!

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I'm not too great at writing, so if it seems blocky or unrealistic, yeahhhh that's my bad 😭😭

[pikapeppa]

A transcript of Solas's involvement in Vows & Vengeance: Episode 1

As the title says: I transcribed the scene between Solas, Nadia, and Elio in the first ep of the Vows & Vengeance podcast, for fic and meta reasons for anyone who wants it!

Of note: some of the closed captions for the video are not accurate to the actual audio recording. One particular significant instance of this is highlighted in the transcript below. I also added a little bit of context for clarification purposes.

This transcript covers the portion of the podcast from 31:26 - 40:04.

See below the cut!

[Elio and Nadia are riding through the Silent Plains. They are on the run from Tevinter. Nadia’s horse whinnies in fear.]

Nadia: Whoa, whoa! What’s got you spooked, girl?

Elio: Probably just that ominous-looking chap in the road just ahead. Is that your guy?

Nadia: I’m not sure. Hood’s up. I can’t see his face.

Elio: Think he’s safe?

Nadia: Let’s go find out. Keep an eye for bandits just in case.

[They approach the ominous-looking chap.]

Nadia: You! Stranger! Do you know of Olen?

Solis: Nadia, I presume. I am Solas. And I am, I believe, the one that you seek.

Nadia: you have the gold? 

Solas: If that is what matters most to you.

Nadia: It’s what matters to the world.

Solas: Perhaps.

[clinking of coins.]

Nadia: Looks good to me. Elio, give him the Eye.* (* The Eye of Kethisca — the magical relic that Nadia stole from Arcanist Hall in the Archives at Minrathous)

Elio [whispering]: Are you sure about this?

Nadia: What other choice do we have?

Elio [sigh]: One moment.

[Magical humming. Elio and Nadia gasp.]

Solas: Steady yourselves. There is nothing to fear from this relic.

Nadia: You didn’t see what this thing did back in Minrathous. Unleashed a wave of energy or something. Tore the ground up, almost killed Elio!

Solas [chuckle]: I will demonstrate. Ar dirthan’as ir elgara. Ma’sula e’var vhenan. 

[Magical humming subsides.]

Elio: How did you do that?

Solas: The Eye was made from a rare gem mined in the caves beneath us. It was crafted centuries ago by a powerful Dreamer.

Eloi: So… it’s connected to the Fade?

Solas: Do you feel a connection to the Fade, Magister?

Elio: You know who I am?

Solas: Among other things. I know you well.

Nadia: [sharply] What is this? What — what game are you playing?

Solas: I do not play games. But if you seek answers, then come.

[The sound of footsteps moving through rocky debris. They are entering a cave.]

Nadia: Maybe we should turn back. This cave has a dark energy. I don’t like it.

Solas: Energy is neither dark nor light. It is just energy. And it is not the cave responsible for what you feel. It is the Fade. The Veil is fragile here.

Elio: I can feel it.

Solas: What about the Eye? Can you feel that, too?

Nadia: You said you had answers about what happened. Tell us.

Solas [sigh]: I suspect that when Elio summoned his magic* back on those docks, he unknowingly formed a bond with the Eye, and it amplified his powers. (* Elio used Stone Fist: a spell from the Rift Mage subclass in Inquisition)

[The sound of scuffling footsteps, and a blade unsheathing.]

Nadia: [to Solas] You better choose your next words very carefully.

Elio: What are you doing?!

Nadia: We never said it was at the docks.

Solas: [calmly] Kindly remove your blade from my neck.

Nadia: You start talking. I’ll decide if I move it.

Solas: Do you think the threat of a knife brings truth?

Nadia: The knife is just a promise. 

Elio: Nadia, put it down.

Nadia [sigh]: Fine.

[She sheathes the blade.]

Solas: I heard word that the Venatori had plans for the Eye. I hired Olen to retrieve the relic before that could happen.

[A sound like wind whistling in the background.]

Elio: Why would you do that?

Solas: Because they do not understand its power. Or yours, Magister.

Elio: Mine?

Solas: There are things in motion that neither of you can fully grasp. And it is up to me to ensure that we arrive at the best possible outcome. But in order for that to happen, yes: I will need your help.

Elio: Why me?

Solas: Because you are a powerful Rift Mage, and your bloodline is tied to this relic. The Dreamer that forged the Eye bore the name of An’Dante.* (* Elio’s full name is Elio Andante.)

Elio: My family created it?

Nadia: it was no accident that Olen hired me, was it? 

Solas: You’re sharper than you let on.

Nadia: It’s a gift.

Solas: It’s a frailty. [gently]

Elio: I was told* that the Eye would end the world, not mend it. (* By Neve Gallus)

Solas: Some people confuse a reckoning as an ending.

Elio: So you seek reform?

Solas: I seek… regeneration.

Nadia: I’ve heard enough of this dreck. Let’s go, Elio. Elio!

Elio: I’ll do it.

Nadia: Um, can I speak to you for a moment?

[Footsteps as they step away a bit.]

Nadia: [scoff] Are you crazy? There is no way we can trust this guy!

Elio: I understand your concern, but my purpose in the Magisterium was to help the people. To invoke change. I can’t do that now. That life is over. This could be my last chance to make a difference. And to find out the Eye was born by my ancestor’s hand? I… I have to do this. it was fated.

Nadia: [sigh] Why must you be so noble?

Elio: We are who we are, my love. 

[Nadia sighs. They return to Solas. Magical humming/ringing; it sounds like they are in a large cavern. Some breezy-echoing sounds.]

Nadia: What is this place?

Solas: An ancient chamber. Once home to unspeakable acts. Many were sacrificed on these grounds, and the blood that was spilled weakened the barriers between our worlds.

Elio: And the Eye will help us fix that?

[Ambient whispering sounds. Almost sound like voices. Inaudible/incomprehensible.]

Solas: More or less. 

[Clinking sound; Solas seems to be working.]

Nadia: And you’re sure this is safe?

Solas: As safe as we make it.

Nadia [sigh]: I don’t know. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Elio: Would it help if I told you that ring around your neck is imbued with a protective spell?

Nadia: Maybe. Is it?

Elio: Mm. Maybe.

[Nadia chuckles.]

[Ongoing magic humming sound; incomprehensible/inaudible ambient whispers.]

Solas: The relic is ready. Prepare your mind. Begin.

Solas and Elio chanting together in Elvhen: Heruamin litirien. Alai uethri maeria. Halurocon yalei nam bahna. Dolin nereba maome…

Nadia [sounds afraid] Guys? Guys, this does not feel right. 

Solas: Silence, please.

Solas and Elio chanting together in Elvhen: Ame amin. Halai lothi amin. Aloamin Heruamin. Heruamin oh lonai. Imwe naine beriole… 

[There is rumbling in the background, rocks breaking, cave crumbling.]

Nadia: Elio! Elio, I really don’t like this! Elio!

Elio: It’s working, Nadia! I can feel it!

Solas and Elio, chanting loudly together in Elvhen: Ame amin! Halai lothi amin! Aloamin Heruamin! Aloamin Heruamin! Aloamin Heruamin!

[Ongoing sound of cave crumbling. Nadia is crying out in fear. Then Elio starts groaning.]

Nadia: Elio!

Elio: Solas, something is wrong!  

Solas: Keep your focus. 

Elio: Solas, please! We must stop!

Solas: Keep your mind steady!

Elio: Argh! I… feel something. A presence!* (* this is significantly different from the closed caption, but my transcription is correct.)

Nadia: Solas, you have to stop this! 

Solas: This is all to be expected. Remain firm.

Elio: [straining, groaning] I can’t… Hold on!

[Ongoing cave-crumbling sounds. Nadia crying out in fear.]

Solas: If you let go now, the Eye will explode!

Nadia: Elio!

Elio: I’m here!

Nadia: Where?

[Elio screams. The cave collapses.]

Nadia: [screaming] Elio! Elio! 

Solas: [voice sounds distant] We must flee. We must flee! Now! [cries out in pain/effort] Hurry! [cries out]

Nadia: Elio! [voice echoing weirdly.]

Solas: [voice echoing weirdly] Nadia, here! Take my hand. 

Nadia: Save Elio!

Solas: He has crossed over.

Nadia: Elio!

Solas: We must escape! I’m sorry!

[Nadia grunts. Ambient sounds return to normal, no longer weirdly echoing. No more cave-crumbling sounds; silence. Shortly after, there is the sound of gusting wind rustling through grass, the horse whinnying; it appears that Nadia has emerged from the cave, or what was left of it.] 

Nadia: [groaning] Elio? Elio, are you there? Elio? Solas! Hello? [yelling, crying out in despair] No!

[thyandrawrites]

On Nagi's emotional intelligence

One thing I find interesting about Nagi's character is that he's not only bad at getting across his emotions in a way that leaves little room for misunderstandings; he also struggles a lot to identify feelings (not just his but especially other people's) for what they are, and to put himself in other people's shoes.

Both the manga and Nagi's light novel offer several examples of this, and I noticed a common denominator in most of them. So I thought it could be fun to compile them in a post.

(long ramble under a cut! Contains slight manga spoilers up to manshine city arc)

Preface: I did not study psychology, and though I try my best not to misuse words and be insensitive, mistakes in good faith can happen. Please bear with me

So, what kicked off this whole thing is a scene from Episode Nagi. This one:

Now, without context it would be easy to write off Nagi as a self-centered genius who is looking down on team Z for being "weaker". And that's exactly how Isagi, who doesn't know Nagi prior to this, takes his questions. They're just a taunt, as if Nagi is mocking Team Z's determination to overturn the scores when they're a team that doesn't yet know its own skills fully.

And the thing is, regardless of Nagi's intentions, his words are condescending. He doesn't mean them to be, but you can't deny that calling someone stupid to his face is not conductive to a polite or constructive conversation, lol.

Unless you're Nagi Seishiro, that is.

Nagi... Doesn't seem to grasp that essentially calling team Z the bottom of the barrel while asking what keeps them going is... Well, rude. Patronizing, even. Which is why he looks so puzzled when Isagi's response is negative, and when he doubles down on his hunger for goals.

In his head, phrasing it this way was perfectly fine. He was genuinely asking, and he expected a response. He wanted to know, not to piss Isagi off and be left hanging.

The reason behind Nagi's obliviousness is of course a lack of social skills. We know he tends to keep to himself, preferring video games and the silent company of a cactus over social interactions, and it shows in how stilted his ability to properly communicate becomes over time.

But in the intro I said I don't think it's just a struggle with communicating what he means. I also interpret it as Nagi struggling to put himself in other people's shoes when their experiences don't mirror his, which complicates his attempts to communicate further.

What is translated as "What's his deal?" in the panel above in japanese has a bit more nuance than that, and it clues us in to what was likely going through Nagi's head a bit more.

"What's this creature (Isagi Yoichi)"

The kanji that compose Isagi's name are transcribed with a different reading (the furigana indeed reads "creature")

Now, if you read Nagi's light novel, the words might sound familiar:

(credits to @/ hoshi801_ on twitter for this translation)

That's because we have another example of Nagi being weirded out by and puzzled at how differently he and others seem to function.

From Nagi's perspective, he's not the weirdo, others are! He keeps observing this world where everyone puts effort into things that he only sees as a hassle, and he doesn't get how anyone can find any appeal in them. In other words, Nagi doesn't really understand how other people work (how they think, how they feel, what motivates them), and he tends to use himself as a metric for understanding them better, not realizing how flawed that approach is.

I also reckon this is why he can sometimes come across as lacking tact.

"it's easy for me. How come is it not easy for you?"

What he says to Bachira during the 4v4 seems like another prime example of Nagi attempting to figure out others by comparing them against himself.

In his intentions, this little speech serves as a way to get Bachira to step up his game. After all, had he really been fine with not picking him, he could've kept his mouth shut, won the match, and picked Rin as he said he would. No need to warn Bachira beforehand, giving him a chance to prove himself in the field and compete with Rin as the best choice moving forward.

But the words Nagi uses are familiar once again.

"Do you think you'll get chosen if you lose? Still living in dreamland? [...] I want Rin, and I bet Isagi feels the same." -> Nagi to Bachira

Vs "you'd be satisfied if I chose you here? You wanna act like a team even if we're not excited about it? You think becoming best in the world is that simple?" -> Nagi to Reo

And then

"We don't need you the way you are now." -> to Bachira above

Vs, "'You're fine as you are.' That's what you said to me, Reo, but... For me to dream with you about being the best again, I want to change." -> Nagi to Reo (in his head)

Nagi doesn't really understand Bachira, either, but he understands the bond Bachira shares with Isagi. Two separate times, he sees himself and Reo's relationship mirrored in it, and that's what prompts his "pep talk".

While he might not grasp what motivates Bachira's ego, Nagi knows what motivated himself. So he offers much the same to Bachira. You want to keep playing with Isagi, just like I want to keep playing with Reo. So change, like I did. Keep working towards that dream, and don't throw in the towel, accept defeat, and wait for Isagi to pick you.

Bachira and Isagi's bond is pretty much the only time we see Nagi try and succeed at relating to someone else's emotions. He's able to do this because he can sense the similarities between them. It's a pattern he's plenty familiar with. So we could say he's still applying that flawed method I talked about above. Understanding others by comparing them to himself, assuming they think the same way.

But I'd like to point out that while he does get their bond as far as it mirrors his and Reo's, Nagi still doesn't grasp the ways in which it differs. Namely, he remains oblivious to Bachira's desire for connection. Nagi is perfectly comfortable being a loner, and while he misses Reo, he adjusts to the separation quite easily, at least emotionally. Well, partly because he caused it, but also because from his perspective, he and Reo were never really apart-apart. They'd eventually meet up again, Nagi would tell him all about his side quests, and they'd be fast besties once again.

At least, that's what Nagi envisions, because Nagi is a straightforward person who doesn't really grasp other people's perspectives past his own personal experience.

For that reason, I think, he remains oblivious to how his advice to Bachira hits like a slap where the boy's at his most vulnerable. But it all works out in the end, so in the grand scheme of things, Nagi has no reason to give it more thought past this interaction. Nagi's team loses, Isagi advances with Bachira, all is well again.

If Nagi got away with giving this as little thought as possible, though, his dynamic with Reo doesn't give him the same easy out. Not for lack of trying on his part. Reo doesn't initiate conversations with him for days (weeks?) on end, and Nagi is fine with never questioning it.

Now, normally I'd make a point here about how Nagi's major weakness is his refusal to think hard about anything unless he's forced to—or about how that's the main hinder to his development to date—but that's a post for another day. Suffice to say, for the sake of this argument, that his willingness to let things stay tense between him and Reo is part of the problem here.

Well, "willingness" might not be the right term here. From his pov, there isn't any tension at all, in fact.

Again, because Nagi had a reason that justifies leaving Reo behind, he doesn't see a strain in their relationship until Reo points it out to him. Worse yet, he struggles to see Reo's viewpoint even after Reo does point it out to him.

He's as clueless as they come, and he's closest to Reo than anyone else in blue lock. Despite this, not only does he not realize why Reo is upset with him and doesn't want to link up anymore, he also fails to grasp that Reo's angry at him at all.

I ran out of image space so I'm just gonna quote the next bit:

N: "We promised, right? To win the world cup together. I've just kept making the best choices I could for that goal. During the rival battle, I thought I could get stronger if I went with Isagi. And I chose England because I thought I could learn from Agi and Chris. So, now it's you, Reo. You're stronger now, so you and I can beat Isagi, unlike last time."

To which Reo understandably replies,

R: "Damn, you really are a selfish jerk, you know that?"

Nagi doesn't seem to realize that if you are a team, you should, you know... Communicate with your partner. Instead, he decides for himself, without even asking for Reo's input, what's the best course of action to achieve their dream, doesn't share his thought process with Reo at all, embarks on said course alone, and then one day randomly decides to have Reo tag along in it.

In his head, I think it all makes sense to him because he assumes Reo already knows all this, intuitively. After all, that's how their whole dynamic has been built so far. When Reo isn't anticipating Nagi's needs before Nagi has uttered them aloud, Nagi is instinctively following the vision Reo set up with a pass, and completing it with a goal.

I'd say that the fact that they relied so heavily on silent communication for much of their time as friends is half the reason why they are so bad at communicating with actual words. I'm including Reo in this because he's equally guilty of it too, what with him saying "do what you want" aloud, only to wish for Nagi to stay without verbalizing that thought to him.

But I digress.

My point is, in the scene above, Nagi assumes Reo would be fine with the split because Nagi himself was. It doesn't even occur to him that Reo might see it as the negation of their promise to each other, or that he would feel abandoned and forgotten about (sorry, can't post pictures, but notice his shock at Reo's accusations. Chapter 187). After all, Nagi spent the whole time thinking about all the things he wanted to tell him.

Once again, much like with Isagi in the first selection, Nagi's puzzled and surprised at Reo's angry burst in response to his pushing; he assumes the drive he feels will be mirrored or at least understood by the other person, but instead he's turned down, faced with a negative reaction he doesn't quite understand.

As Reo puts it, Nagi's imagination comes short of letting him empathize with Reo's feelings. The choice to move on without him is purely functional, then, but from his perspective it never involved any emotional distance. To Reo, however, who was left with an easy to misunderstand parting speech, the hurt of a perceived loss strongly overshadowed anything else. Nagi doesn't anticipate Reo's emotional response over rationality because Nagi himself is not an emotion-driven person. He doesn't see that Reo would be plagued by self doubt because Nagi doesn't doubt his skills. He fails to see how his actions could easily be misconstrued as indifference because Nagi's not one to read hidden meaning into people's words, and assumes others take things as face value, too.

But that's more than communication failure! That consistent lack of effort to imagine how others would feel or act in a given situation is a pattern, at least imo.

I think Nagi never had to make that kind of effort before, since he was pretty much on his own, and in a lot of ways he's still adapting to having peers he trusts and that he wants to be trusted by in response

One could say this is as much a process to him as understanding his own ego for football is, and I find that really fascinating to watch

[hollygl125]

Oftentimes real-life Jorja Fox does not necessarily give off huge Sara Sidle vibes for me (emphasis on for me, of course). Sometimes she’s super casual (very curly hair, no makeup, could be headed to the beach); sometimes it’s the opposite (former model, Hollywood actress at a formal event, etc.). In contrast, when she’s cuddling an animal she wants to protect or bringing William Petersen to an event, I tend to feel the Sara Sidle vibes more.

Here, she feels quite Sara Sidle (again, to me!), and I’m finding it almost a bit unnerving. Her hair looks very similar to how it looks on my Sara Sidle mug. Her jacket is very similar, for that matter, although it’s a different colour. Her shirt looks so similar to the shirt she wears in the “In the end, darlin’, the truth emerges” scene at the beginning of “Honeymoon in Vegas” (CSI: Vegas, 1x02) that I had to go back and watch the scene (and still haven’t come to a definitive conclusion). She’s got a nice necklace on, too, of course.

She’s talking about “Together You and I,” the new song for which she co-wrote the lyrics with Rick Morris:

What does the song mean to me? [Exhale.] There’s that saying, you know, uh, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And I think that’s a lot of what the song’s trying to say, you know, that… it’s worth taking a risk, um, to get to… to get to—to love someone and be loved. It might all crash and burn someday, but… it will have been worth it, you know.

And that sounds a whole lot like what Sara Sidle had to say in “Girls Gone Wilder” (CSI, 15x05):

I mean, to be with somebody who really gets you, who loves you for who you are—I don’t know. I think it’s worth the risk.

Anyway, there’s no real point to any of this except to note that seeing JF looking very Sara Sidle is fun and, oh, yeah, I had to make a GSR GIF-set about her sentiments, of course, which I will be posting shortly, and I wanted to be able to refer back to transcribed text of her full response somewhere.

You can see the full video on Rick Morris’s Instagram reel, and you can check out their song on Spotify or iTunes or presumably other places. I don’t know. I’m not in PR for Jorja Fox. I just wish good things for the captain of our ’ship.

[esther-dot]

I know some people are seeing jonsa in Kit's speech about his "Freudian complex" and what he seeks in a partner (which honestly same LOL 🤡🤡). But at the same time, and knowing that he did enjoy the Ygritte-Jon relationship, it seems curious to me that he's associating Dany and Ygritte with Cat who, as he said, "hated him". I don't know if I make sense?? Lol

That Freudian comment really did make me ���

I transcribed what he said for context.

In response to a question about Jon finding room in his heart for love again:

"Uh, yea--I hope so. I hope there will be. The funny think about--I said this earlier as well. In thinking about Jon and his choice of women which is (audience laughter). I think he's like...his maternal, the only maternal figure he had was Catelyn who hated him. Treated him like--I swear a lot. I'm sorry--who treated him like crap, alright? And he tends to go for really dominant women. It's quite interesting isn't it? He goes for the really d-- (stops himself). And I think that there's some Freudian thing going on there. Um, with that in mind I think he would go for a s-- (stops himself). I think especially the Ygritte thing burned him so much that he has definite PTSD and truma about being in a relationship, so I think it would be tough. Yeah."

(from this video that @starwarsprincess1986 posted)

I find it a really odd statement considering what he’s said in the past. I can interpret it in a few ways. It could just mean he’s attracted to women who have some authority over him. But he did include hate and mistreatment in his thoughts about Cat and pairing and connecting that vie the Freudian reference to Ygritte and Dany…well, it is kinda an understandable assertion given how s7-8 went. Kit didn’t have a say in what was written but had to perform it, so where D&D may have chosen a path for commercial reasons, without it actually making sense character-wise, Kit tried to create a believable emotional interpretation. As in, Dany treated Jon pretty badly (by taking him prisoner), and he inexplicably fell in love with her. Dany treated him worse in s8 and he inexplicably remained loyal. If that’s the story given to Kit, he might think, well shit, Ygritte also took Jon prisoner, Ygritte demanded his loyalty (as did Dany), Ygritte threatened him (as did Dany), Ygritte felt betrayed by him (as did Dany), and Ygritte shot him (Tyrion and Arya tell him Dany is gonna kill him), so, he might think Jon is choosing women who have some power in the dynamic/he can’t escape (like Cat), who he admires in some way/wants something from (maternal love from Cat, info from Ygritte, dragons /armies from Dany), and then think that he gives into these women because where Cat firmly rejected him, Ygritte and Dany did soften and express interest. It’s possible he saw the power imbalance in Jon/Dany and Jon/Ygritte, the emotional abuse, and thinks it’s a pattern in which Jon was conditioned to want love from a woman he feared. I really like Cat so this is all making me very uncomfy 😬

Like you, that doesn’t fit with how I’ve heard him speak of Ygritte, but I was really caught off guard by the fact that he mentioned not only Cat’s hate but that she treated him like crap which, why is that on his mind when describing Jon’s romantic relationships? If he saw show Ygritte that way, it would shock me? But in a different part, he’s talking about how kind/good his wife is and how odd it was to have her switch from being his sweet gf to acting Ygritte…who (I think he said) would chew his face off in a scene 😂 It did seem to indicate he didn’t consider all the J/Y banter totally harmless/cute. Maybe years later he sees it as somewhat toxic? Maybe he’s been reading the books to prep for the sequel and that’s influencing him? 🤔

I don't know if he made any or all those connections, it may have been a very broad, Cat was strong-willed and Ygritte and Dany are too, meaning. The comments about Cat’s feelings and behavior could have been a little detour, but he did mention the trauma and PTSD from his time with Ygritte as well. That could have been strictly about how both Ygritte and Dany died in his arms and how Jon feels responsible for that (Kit mentioned something like that post s8), but the fact that he feels that way about Cat and brought her into the convo…it felt like an indicator that he knows the relationships were a little fucked up.

I know I always thought that craving the approval and love of Cat had kinda transferred to Sansa and that her acceptance of Jon as a Stark (telling him he was a Stark to her, offering him the Lord’s chambers, dressing him like Ned…) was probably the most healing experience of his life. Not only because she looked like Cat, but because at the time, she was the only surviving Stark, and she had never been close to him so it wasn’t a continuation from childhood, but totally unexpected acceptance. That all became messy, but it still seems more clearly delineated in the show (they even mention Sansa sitting in Cat’s seat once) then his interactions with Ygritte or Dany. I’m not sure what to think, anon, but I agree, it was a really interesting quote! I’ll try to watch the rest of the video sometime and see if there’s anything else to add context to it.

[stackthedeck]

Hiiiiiiiiii i kinda had a question #lol. The fact that you write is awesome and makes me wanna write too, but every time i try i feel like i have such a large amount of self doubt that comes with it. Every single scene i finish is accompanied by an "oh god this sucks" in my head. Im also having a lot of trouble getting character voices down?? Like wow. Writing's harder than i thought it would be🫡 anyways just wanted to see if you had like tips or anything for dealing with that😨😨😨

Okay so my most practical advice is for how to get character voice. What I'll do as a writing exercise is I'll pick an episode of a show or like a scene from a movie or maybe a podcast episode, pick a medium that has a focus on dialogue. Transcribe the dialogue as you watch or listen (pause or turn on subtitles as needed) and pause the thing between chunks of dialogue and add the action tags, describe what the characters are feeling, give them internal monologue, describe the setting. I know this sounds tedious and like it is and it might not work for you and you definitely can't post it. But it makes me super aware of characters' speech patterns, the way they pause between words, what nicknames or phrases they use often, etc. It's also something that I just pick up on naturally, like I'll talk like my friends not as like an impression of their voice but how they talk and people say it's spooky.

The short cut to nailing how a character talks is to steal dialogue directly from the source, have them use nicknames from canon, and like be aware of their general tone. Like in most situations, Deadpool leans into a more jokey way of speak while Spider-Man is sarcastic with dry jokes and Daredevil is serious and gruff. These will change with each situation you know characters have moods and stuff. But if you're familiar with the source material you're probably really close to a character's voice that you think

with original stories, if I want to create a strong voice for characters and narration, I'll do a writing warm up by going outside or like a library and describe what I experience. I'm not allowed to start writing my actual thing until I include all five senses in those descriptions. I also tend to narrate how I think which doesn't work for everyone but I love metaphors and alliteration so it works. With original characters, they're usually based on someone I know so I'll just memorize their exact words or watch videos that they send me. It's kinda creepy tbh. But rule of thumb is to always read your stuff out loud, heck I usually say the dialogue before I write it, and it gives it a more human sound.

Okay practical advice done now I gotta tell you the thing you won't like. The best way to get over the "this sucks" mentality is to just write a lot. Anytime I'm not so sure about my own writing, I got back to the Hamilton fanfic I wrote in middle school that I proudly put on the internet and sent to my friends and I think "okay it could be so much worse" self-doubt will always be a part of the process you will always be your worst critic. But also you've also gotta be your biggest fan, it helps to find someone else to hype you up, but I dare you to read what you've written a say at least one nice thing about it. Any time you're in the editing stage, say one nice thing about what you've written before you say something that's not working. When you finish editing, say one thing that you're happy you added. You gotta write a lot but you've gotta be good to yourself

[phantalgia]

Getting Back Into Hobbies: Guitar, Introduction

Before I Even Begin

This is the start of a diary section of my blog dedicated towards learning guitar. I picked up my guitar after a few weeks still feeling confused as to what I was looking at. That throat tightness and shortness of breathe has come back. I have energy that came back despite the Long COVID to try and get back to it.

Anyway, there will be other diaries dedicated towards other hobbies. Drawing will be one, not sure if I'll ever share what I've been doing. But I will share my thought process and things I'm learning on the way. I also could have made a separate blog dedicated to just these hobbies. Honestly, I don't know. Perhaps I will if it seems like I should.

I think last night just reminded me of what really matters to me. I have alternating interests that cycle, never consistent. But I can work with that and attempt to work with my physical and mental health. The thing is, I got to start. So I want to at least pick up my guitar again. I will probably talk about how I'm gonna get myself back into drawing via another blog post but let's start with guitar.

Why Guitar?

To make things short and sweet, the American Primitive scene got me interested in guitar. It's probably a pipe-dream at this point to get to that point but I'll do what I can. I have other instruments that interest me but guitar seemed like a good place to start. I can save specifics about guitar and the genres of music that inspired me for a later time.

My Progress So Far

I don't really like to think about my progress, as when I look back I see a year or so went by and I feel like I didn't go anywhere. So I know my goal is in the fingerstyle realm but there has been something bugging me about the instrument that I HAD TO KNOW. This is part of my own perfectionism/anxiety and perhaps a very mechanical way of seeing things that I inherently have.

Guitar Theory/Music Theory Has Been My Focus

I'm really hellbent on guitar theory for the past year. I've pretty much abandoned fingerstyle practice for this. Honestly, what I want to learn is how to transcribe music and play along with songs. My goals have been the following:

"Memorize" all the notes on the fretboard or at least get relative knowledge about them.

Use CAGED to learn scales and chords and then how it can be used to relate to other systems and patterns of seeing the guitar, as well as theory.

Learn 3NPS

Understand how this all connects to broader guitar theory and music theory generally to have a more holistic view of the instrument.

The THEMES here have been holism, diversification, pattern seeking, connecting, relating, and theory (guitar/music)

I have thought about other goals to add onto this either during or after:

Chord theory

Chords and scales their relations

Others I can't really think of right now....

What I've Learned So Far

I initially started out learning fingerstyle but kept trying to find new ways to learn and see the instrument. What I gravitated towards has been transcribing and guitar/music theory. I really enjoy being able to play a song that's in the right key and figure out if the chords and scales are correct. I do need to also practice actual picking patterns too of course.

What eventually lead me to CAGED, memorizing the fretboard, and patterns and systems was because of how much CAGED tickled my brain in terms of how it allowed me to see the fretboard. I was excited and fascinated by the patterns and theory more than the act of playing itself. So that's where my focus has been. I don't know if this is indicative of how my brain operates or it's just "productive procrastination". I like systems and patterns and stuff. That took away from the actual art of playing.

Books I'm Using

I don't really like YouTube videos, they don't feel structured enough for me. Even books aren't perfect in this regard. But occasionally I'll use YouTube videos as a facilitator rather than the main mode. So books have been my go to.

Memorize and Master The Fretboard In 14 Days! - Troy Nelson

The CAGED System for Guitar - James Shipway

I'm also using a couple of courses on Udemy although they're not perfect. The Troy Nelson book has probably been the most interesting and the James Shipway book introduced me to a nice practice regiment I could apply to anything I do by going around the Circle of Fourths.

The Troy Nelson book has been really good for memorizing although, the memory seems to be muscle memory or relative memory rather than mental or absolute, perhaps I can use that to my advantage by incorporating other patterns and systems. Dropping the guitar for months after my surgery I came back pretty much oblivious to what I was looking at on the fretboard. But quizzing myself I realized I did remember quite a bit if I tried hard enough. After a few weeks still, I'm rusty again with the memory even though I tried to pick the guitar back up a week or so ago.

I want to add that Nelson offers not just a system to memorize the fretboard. No, it's more than that. It goes over theory and a whole host of other things with the emphasis on the goal being memorizing the fretboard. So you get a lot more out of it. It's a really good book IF YOU TAKE YOUR TIME WITH IT. Just because it's 14 days doesn't mean you have to or should do it in 14 days. I definitely am not, whether better or worse. In fact it might be for worse as I'm always feeling like I'm not good enough or haven't memorized it well enough.

The Shipway book is great for CAGED obviously, but offers multiple ways to tackle it and see it. So it's very varied in what it does. It does require knowledge of the notes on the last 2 or 3 strings though.

My Thought Process For Learning, Better or For Worse

So I'm a perfectionist, I'm very antsy about doing things the right way. That prevents me from doing a lot or moving along and progressing as I see things in a linear fashion. I have been trying to break from this habit but it's hard.

It's hard for me to see things as a process of just absorption over time. Instead it's all linear, structure, one thing at a time. So certain strategies for learning become difficult such as diversification.

So an example is this need to know the fretboard before moving on. I never finished that Nelson book, and managed to do that on top of the Shipway one and developed a regiment of practice where I went back and forth on top of self quizzing myself on note locations. It helped make learning the fretboard easier. As I had another way of seeing the fretboard and relating note locations to the CAGED system on top of this quizzing thing.

But perhaps I was only able to have this diversification as long as I slowly added new approaches over time instead of all at once. So I did this "fretboard memorization" book first for maybe a little bit, maybe get a quarter of the way through and go "ok I think I have made some room to add the CAGED book now" so I'm able to EASE my way into the CAGED book. And then BOOM I have built my system and didn't give myself much distress.

What Now?

Use this blog to document stuff and maybe get help? Perhaps slowly I can have a much better way of learning the instrument and make progress. I don't know what to do next. Perhaps today I will just take a break. I spent a lot of time writing about this and I'm drained and anxious about this. My mind is kind of bouncing around the drawing stuff too, so it's very active up there. I think I can at least be satisfied that I picked up the guitar for a little bit and did some writing today to talk about how I feel about it.

Future entries on my guitar progress will probably be after I make progress at a given day or even time of day, my thoughts, feelings, breakthroughs, emotions. I think my main worry is the feeling of being stuck or like I'm not going anywhere with this or things just taking too long.

Any Advice?

So I ask the person reading this, anyone with experience in fingerstyle guitar or in the American Primitive guitar space want to help give me some advice? Otherwise I could just go on Reddit and ask at some point.

[elenajohansenreads]

Books I Read in 2024

#20 - Obsidio, by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff

Rating: 5/5 stars

An amazing end to an amazing trilogy. Seriously, when was the last time I read a trilogy in any genre where all three books were this good? Where the ending didn't disappoint?

Nothing about the fast-paced and unusual style changed throughout the series, so if you didn't enjoy the first book, then its sequels won't change your mind, but to anyone who has started the series but not yet finished it, finish it. The only reason I waited so long was because I had to get the book through interlibrary loan, and that took a while. (I knew enough about the format of the book to know my brain would hate trying to listen to this as audio or read it on my phone, I had to have a physical book that had nice big pages and that I could easily physically turn to read any text that wasn't upright.)

I won't say anything about the plot aside from one small detail I enjoyed: finding out who was transcribing the video footage all this time. I'd like to say "oh, I should have figured that out" but early on, there's no way to know, and the sort of sass and snark that finds its way into those transcriptions is broad enough to belong to several wisecracking characters. (Also it's alluded to that other characters tweaked a few scenes here and there, so while the bulk of it was done by one person, little bits of others' personalities are present, so yeah, I wasn't going to figure it out ahead of time.)

[hectormcfilm]

SCENE RECREATION- THE LIGHTHOUSE

For our final project in Film Production workflow we were tasked with recreating a scene from a film that particularly inspires us. After lots of thought my group decided on The Lighthouse by Robert Eggers as the main goal of this task was to replicate the atmosphere and feel of the scene and The Lighthouse is a film so focused on its feel. We decided to choose a very small and intimate scene where it is all interior shots and just the two main actors. This helped greatly with location scouting and set design as we could more accurately replicate everything.

In early group meetings when we were brainstorming ideas for scenes I championed for the Lighthouse from early on as I thought it was an amazing film that is difficult and impressive but still manageable. I also find Robert Eggers very inspiring, I believe he is one of the best modern directors along with Ari Aster and Emerald Fennel with all three of his feature films The Witch, The Lighthouse and The Northman being great and refreshing.

When initially deciding on a scene we had three options, the ending, the drunk dance or the scene we chose. The ending would definitely have been too technically challenging for lots of reasons, especially the incredible sound design and the production design of the Lighthouse itself. Between the 'What? What? What?' and dance scene we thought the 'What?' scene captured the comedic yet sinister atmosphere of the film best and had some great shots that could challenge us and give us a chance for some real guerrilla filmmaking.

In this production my roles were Producer and Editor. This was a great combination as it meant I was involved with all three aspects of the production process, pre-production, production and post-production.

As the producer I completed all of the sheets as seen above. I created a kit, costume and prop list, a call sheet and production schedule as well as two different shot lists. I felt it was helpful to have one shot list that is just the images of the shots along with the dialogue spoken within them and another which focused on the more technical elements like the camera angle and movement. Splitting these lists into two helped keep them clear and not messy. I also edited the original clip to label each shot with its number, this was very helpful on set as it made sure there was no confusion which shot was which whilst filming. I made sure to transcribe the scene so I could easily send off the script to potential actors as well as a video of the original scene. When looking for actors I originally intended to have one of my friends from back home who specialised in acting help out but he dropped out quite last minute. I then put out a casting call on an actors and film group on Facebook to find an actor for Willam Defoe.

As part of producing I helped with the recce along with Harry Paul, we visited a community centre but then got no response whether we could film there. We thought of filming in someone's attic or a wooden shed to give that dingy wooden aesthetic however these areas would've been too enclosed and unpractical, even maybe dangerous, to have so many crew members and so much equipment inside. I emailed to multiple venues in Edinburgh including Out of the Blue and Deaf Action, even going to Deaf Actions main building and browsing their venues but none of them worked for our chosen scene and the amount of money for renting a room out for the whole day of filming was much past our budget. In the end Harry took over as recce and found our location, opting for a plain room and allowing us to build up the set rather then finding a room wholly accurate to the scene.

When it came to the actual filming day I acted mainly as a runner and general assistant to different roles. Before we started filming I went to the cafeteria and bought everyone waters as well as some snacks to keep people energised, I also helped build the set which was primarily constructed of carboard, building the boxes up and evening them out to act as beds etc. When filming I constantly had my laptop up and would assist the DOP at making sure the shots seemed accurate. Then I acted as support such as swapping batteries for the camera and sound and putting them on charge. In certain shots I am holding up a black flag to help direct the light. Overall I tried to fill in any role that needed filling in since my credited roles were either pre or post production. The on set production process was the most enjoyable part of the scene recreation, meeting and working with our actor for Willam Defoe was great and we worked together very well as a team. Our most difficult challenge as a group was the opening shot as it entails a slow zoom and turn to the left on a dolly or track. We didn't have access to that type of advanced equipment so had to improvise and figure out intelligent ways to move the camera without it being shaky and distracting. Since I was the producer I was also the most time orientated on set, wanting to make sure we stuck to the schedule to the best of our ability, making sure certain shots got the time they needed for setup and takes.

Post-production was definitely the most challenging role I took on in this production. Since our filming day was Tuesday 5th December I had limited days to edit so had to make the most out of my time. I started by going through each video clip to find the best take then searching for the correct audio clip to match this, I completed this process with all 17 shots then found the sound effects like the foghorn from online as I knew I wouldn't be able to folly it before starting to edit. I enjoyed the editing process as it is a very entertaining and strangely comedic scene. I placed the clips in order first then worked out the finer details of audio as many shots don't include the full line of dialogue the last words sinking into the next shot. After the initial timeline was completed I focused on sound and making sure every piece of dialogue was at a good level of volume and the background noises were at a low but audible level. Next I focused on the most important aspect of creating the feel and atmosphere of the film, the black and white colour grading. We filmed on set with a black and white LUT so I knew how the lights would react with each shot making my editing job much easier, I still did some colour grading on a lot of shots to get them as accurate to the original scene as possible. The final stage of editing was to convert the video into the correct aspect ratio of 1.19:1 which worked perfectly since on set the camera had a grid of what the aspect ratio would look like.

Watching the final product back now days later I am very proud of what we managed to achieve as we were mostly accurate with our recreation. Every shot is there and lasts nearly the same amount of time as the original, only a few clips are a second or so off. We captured the lighting well especially on Willam Defoe's recreated sections and both performers do an amazing job. The only real issues I think we had is the depth in certain shots, Willam Defoe definitely could've been closer to the window behind him and our other issue is setting, whilst we did a good job at building up fake beds and a fake window the room we are in isn't the best as in certain shots you can see the roof which isn't slanted and is a more modern pattern. Overall I am very proud of our recreation.

[thundergirl007]

to satiate your curiosity:

Oskar Werner (1922-1984)

me squeeing about this man below the cut

Born in Vienna and raised by his mother and grandmother, he was an Austrian actor who starred in a few movies. He got his early film career started as an extra at 15 years old (unfortunately after the Nazis annexed Austria in 1938, so they are known as propaganda pieces nowadays). He was a staunch pacifist though, and intentionally failed at officer's training when he got more or less forced to go join the Wehrmacht after he turned 18 (he's blond haired, blue eyed, so), married a half Jewish actress in 1944, had a child with her, and spent out the last few months of the war hiding in the Vienna woods because he deserted. (this source gives a pretty good account of his life, from the Filmarchiv Austria, however it is in German, so you may have to do some translating)

Oskar Werner was quite famous for saying that the theatre is his wife while film is his mistress - he only starred in films he was personally very interested in, and rejected quite a lot of films, so his filmography is.... limited. (my favourite fun fact is that he was offered the role of Captain Von Trapp in the Sound of Music but he turned it down because, in his view, "the Nazi background was portrayed in a trivializing way. He described the escape as "rolling over the Alps." which I mean, fair, the mountain the Von Trapp's actually cross goes into Germany XD somewhere in the multiverse is a universe where Cpt Von Trapp was played by Werner and I for one would love to see it - source is in German but I've translated the necessary part there.) He hated the Nazi's and starred in a few movies as one mainly because he recognised how important it was to tell stories featuring them to show the end result of their ideologies (see: the Angel with the Trumpet). He also did a lot of his own synchronisation/dubbing work and there's only a few films he didn't do it for, and even with that there are a few that are considered lost. That can really be said for his filmography in general - some are lost, others just not too accessible to an English speaking world, so unless you're me you aren't really finding these movies.

Some of his more famous movie roles are the titular Jules in Jules et Jim (by François Truffaut),

as Montag in the original movie version of Fahrenheit 451 (also directed by Truffaut, and it's pretty well known that Werner and Truffaut had quite a volcanic falling out during filming because Werner himself lived through the Nazi book burnings and (in Werner's opinion) felt that Truffaut was not handling Montag's role in that part of the story appropriately).

and ships doctor Schumann in Ship of Fools (for which he earned an oscar nomination).

He was even a Columbo villain in the episode "Playback" (the biggest crime is his hair in that episode, never mind the murder).

My personal favourite movie that he starred in is Das Gestohlene Jahr (1951), that was never translated or released internationally, so I spent like 2 months transcribing and translating it because I'm not gonna lie, I love this movie. Here's a video of all of his scenes just because. He plays a talented musician who is funded by an idealistic young woman to compose his masterpiece, but she got that funding by stealing from her workplace. The drama.

And my last shoutout because i love this, is he plays a bisexual money grubber in Spionage (also officially untranslated into English except for my efforts). Have another video.

He has other roles that I could scream about (Mozart!! Happy in Decision Before Dawn!! Just the Worst Person Ever TM in the two Angel with a Trumpet movies!! Beethoven's nephew!! An East German spy during the cold war!! some are available to watch on youtube for free!! i've got copies of some of the others!!) but this post is long enough already.

Anyway. The reason I pitch him as hottest voice is because if you put his name into YouTube, a good 90% of the results are him reading poetry, mainly Rilke. He's got a ridiculously good voice and honestly I could listen to him all day. Here's just a few for good measure. (x)(x). It is in German but my point still stands.

Although I have to say, his performance as Hamlet is lauded as like, one of the best in German language history, and it's hard not to agree when you hear this.

Right I'm done now. This isn't even propaganda for an active competition but I'm putting him here because I missed my chance before XDDD thank you for coming to my ted talk

10/10 would be down for a hottest voice tournament

There's an actor that I would have love to have submitted for the hottest man tournament but I found this blog after submissions closed and now I have a chance bc his voice is like. One of his defining features as far as what he's known for.

Very curious who your actor is!

[middle-earth-mythopoeia]

J.R.R. Tolkien reads from The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, 1952

This is J.R.R. Tolkien reading—and singing!—excerpts from The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, and it is exactly as amazing as it sounds. George Sayer, a friend of Tolkien’s, helped make the recordings while Tolkien was visiting him in August 1952, two years before The Lord of the Rings was published. (It doesn’t have that information under the youtube videos, but I was able to find out the context from Tolkien Gateway and the Tolkien Library.) These are so wonderful and I’m so glad they exist! It’s absolutely delightful to hear the Professor reading his own stories. You have not lived until you have heard Tolkien’s Gollum impression, or his Treebeard voice, or him speaking in Elvish...not to mention reading The Ride of the Rohirrim! Yes, he actually recorded that and it is literally the best thing ever. It’s amazing to listen to him reciting the Song of Beren and Lúthien (just like Strider told it to the hobbits!), and everything else, and I’m so, so, so glad that these recordings were made. This is a treasure trove! I want more people to know about this! 

Excerpt from Riddles in the Dark  The Road Goes Ever On Upon the Hearth the Fire is Red  Snow-white! Snow-white! O Lady Clear! The Bath Song Farewell We Call to Hearth and Hall! Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! The Man in the Moon Stayed Up Too Late The Fall of Gil-galad The Song Of Beren And Lúthien The Stone Troll A Elbereth Gilthoniel The Song of Durin The Song of Nimrodel When evening in the Shire was grey Gandalf's Song of Lórien Lament for Boromir The Long List of the Ents Treebeard’s Song The Ent and the Entwife Bregalad’s Song The Ents’ Marching Song Where now the horse and the rider? Gollum’s fish song Oliphaunt Excerpt from Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit Lament for Théoden Excerpt from The Ride of the Rohirrim Song of the Mounds of Mundburg Excerpt from Mount Doom Sing now, ye people of the Tower of Anor Namárië

Finally, this is George Sayer’s note on the recordings, which I transcribed from this radio broadcast because I thought others would like to read it. 

George Sayer writes: “This record is based on a tape recording that Tolkien made when he was staying in my house in northern Worcestershire. It was in August 1952. For the whole of that summer he had been depressed because The Lord of the Rings, the book on which he had worked for fourteen years, had been refused by publishers, so that he had almost given up hope of ever seeing it in print. But the fact that they had returned it made it possible for my wife Moira and I to borrow the only complete typescript and become, with our friend C.S. Lewis, about the first of passionately enthusiastic Tolkien fans. There arose the question of how to return it to its author. Since it could not, of course, be trusted to the post, I wrote to ask when he would be at home in Oxford for me to deliver it. His reply indicated that he would be quite on his own in the second half of August, and perhaps even rather lonely, and we therefore invited him to come to more than to pick up the typescript, and to stay for a few days. “It was easy to entertain him by day. He and I tramped the Malvern Hills, which he had often seen during his boyhood in Birmingham, or from his brother’s house on the other side of the Seven River Valley. He lived the book as we walked, sometimes comparing parts of the hills with, for instance, the White Mountains of Gondor. We drove to the Black Mountains on the borders of Wales, picked billberries, and climbed through the heather there. We picnicked on bread and cheese and apples, and washed them down with perry, beer or cider. When we saw signs of industrial pollution, he talked of orcs and orcery. At home, he helped me to garden. Characteristically, what he liked most was to cultivate a very small area—say a square yard—extremely well. “To entertain him in the evening I produced a tape recorder, a solid early Ferrograph that is still going strong. He had never seen one before, and said whimsically that he ought to cast out any devil that might be in it by recording a prayer, the Lord’s Prayer, in Gothic—one of the extinct languages of which he was a master. He was delighted when I played it back to him, and asked if he might record some of the poems in The Lord of the Rings to find out how they sounded to other people. The more he recorded, the more he enjoyed recording, and the more his literary self-confidence grew. When he had finished the poems, one of us said, ‘Record for us the riddle scene from The Hobbit!’ and we sat spellbound for almost half an hour while he did. I then asked him to record what he thought one of the best pieces of prose in The Lord of the Rings, and he recorded part of The Ride of the Rohirrim. 

“‘Surely you know that’s really good?’ I asked, after playing it back. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘It’s good. This machine has made me believe in it again. But how am I to get it published?’ I thought of what I myself might do in the same difficulty. ‘Haven’t you an old pupil in publishing who might like it for its own sake, and therefore be willing to take the risk?’ ‘There’s only Rayner Unwin,’ he replied, after a pause. ‘Then send it to Rayner Unwin personally!’ And he did. And the result was that even during his lifetime, over 3 million copies were sold. When he got back to Oxford, Tolkien wrote to thank us for having him—a letter in Elvish that is one of my most valued posessions.”

[miru667]

A video of wips for my onceler zine cover piece! This drawing took me 6 months to finish haha. Click the readmore if you’re curious to learn more about my process and all the refs and inspos I used (transcribed from [this twitter thread]). [CLICK HERE] to see the finished piece.

I guess I’ll go from left to right? :>

7212 is my #1 ship in the fandom so of course I had to include some interaction for them..I purposely shaped that piece of confetti into almost-a-heart 9.9 In this interaction OG onceler is sizing him up to be his poster boy. It was inspired by this joke hc from junior: https://miru667.tumblr.com/post/43633972614/truffulajam-you-there-me-sir-ive

The hose is from one of the lorax mini-movies but more specifically its from the nightblogging event in 2012, here’s an archive of a lot of the hose memes we created that night: https://oncelerswaterhose.tumblr.com/

He doesn’t actually have suspenders in the movie but they were a popular headcanon for him in 2012 plus they’re hot so I included them. It was important to me to include this transitional onceler in between vestler and suitler to remind us all that this is the same guy going thru different stages of his life.

Gloves in the back pocket is from concept art: https://miru667.tumblr.com/post/146926446017/early-once-ler-sketches-by-eric-guillon-part-5

I really love the way I drew and coloured the folds of his coattails here too, as well as the moss I added last minute onto the truffula tree trunk.

The frame started out as just a plain brown rectangle and I thought, now that's not very seussy, so I referenced the Too Big To Fail frame in the movie. I believe it took me two whole days to draw just the frame. :,) And the seuss portrait I just referenced from google images but it was a challenge too; I had to completely redraw it near the end to make him look more accurate.

Lorax holding up a portrait of Seuss and using it to guilt the Onceler was inspired by a gag in Osomatsu-san where the characters would apologize to a portrait of their irl creator Akatsuka when they felt like they were being a bad adaptation of his original work 😂😂😂 loved it.

But it was also inspired by a very powerful comic drawn by my friend Rachel: https://miru667.tumblr.com/post/92807755387/tsg I would say Rachel's art has been the biggest inspo for me in the past decade in both style and emotion, so I'm really happy I could include her influence into my piece like this.

I was SO happy I thought of a way to include these 2012 refs: -Complaint Box -☄☄☄ Waterballoon fight nightblogging event -gent's marriage to the fandom -ed helms finding out about oncest -Thneedville/Thornville High AU -WHO IS SWAG/askblog identity crisis nightblogging event -You Only Live Once(ler) -tiny chat parties -Camp Weehawken AU -tumblr anons/magic anons -normaler -Shakespeareler/"I must keep biggering" nightblogging event -Stay stupid, baby!

I wish I could've included more cuz these are still just above-water stuff in the fandom iceberg imo. If anyone wants me to explain more about any of these refs, feel free to ask!

The flip phone is from the deleted scene, "YER ALL GOIN TO JAIL": https://miru667.tumblr.com/post/153925999832/truffulajam-youreallgoingtojailmov-from

The bottom fake button on his suit is canon: https://miru667.tumblr.com/post/615761075955187712/miru667-you-know-your-life-has-hit-a-new-low

This is my fav interaction in the piece...you can see it as either aftermath onceler taking the hat off of biggering onceler to foreshadow his fall, OR you can see it as aftermath-ler taking off his OWN hat to crown biggering-ler as the fool, because he's learned what a fool he's been. And actually a 3rd interpretation is aftermath-ler telling biggering-ler "yes enjoy your happiness while you can, king" 😂

And then with old onceler's hand on aftermath onceler's back, an act of consolation...I think it's very important to be able to forgive ur past self for the stupid things you've done, or else how can you continue? How can you grow? I can guarantee that 10 yrs ago we ALL did stupid things in the fandom. I originally drew aftermath frowning but changed it to a smile because he's thankful for the lessons and he can still look back on things fondly. I feel the same as him and I hope others do too. For this interaction I was inspired by Pearl fanart, she's a comfort character of mine and has helped me thru so much:  https://asteroidhyalosis.tumblr.com/post/188267156772 https://asteroidhyalosis.tumblr.com/post/623806330932805632

Biggering onceler’s side profile gave me THE HARDEST TIME. It was already January and I just COULD NOT get it to look right and I was ready to go take a 5 hour depression nap because of it but then my friend Edu saved the day ♥

Edu:  @hybridkilljoy​

Another friend contribution was the yellow bg. it was originally a boring flat gradient so Clara said "lmao what if I just gave you a yellow bg I painted to toss into ur file" because she had a rly good brush for it on procreate (and I was using paint tool sai and had nothing). i replied "oki" and then she just DOES IT..🥺♥

Clara:  @clarabellumsart​

idk where i'd be without my friends

I’m REALLY proud of this little area of my zine piece. The hand and blood is a ref to Truffula Flu, our zomb apocalypse AU. I had to redraw it twice to get it right. And I’ve drawn many a onceler chain but this is the BEST onceler chain I’ve EVER drawn. It took me many redraws to get it to look this way. Look at it just reaching out at you so fluidly..!! The lighting and the rust! Proud of me!!

The fallen truffula tree in the back...I really just thought "hey let's experiment with PAINTING" and went for it!! 😂 I wanted to pay tribute to my all time fav onceler fanart: https://miru667.tumblr.com/post/27320592159/ask-drawn-onceler-money-in-the-trees-lol-hey Whoever the mod of ask-drawn-onceler was, if you see this I hope you're doing ok!!

As you guys have probably gathered by now, nothing is ever too late to change for me. If I felt like I could redo something to be better, I'd DO IT. The tree is another example, I was rly bothered that it looked like tentacles (right) so I completely re-rendered it to be more soft and fluffy (left). What made me realize that I could do better was after drawing the trees here: https://miru667.tumblr.com/post/673766406272286720/early-spring-cleaning-part-2-drew-these-btwn I realized that actually, less is more, and that I had over-rendered the tree in my zine piece.

This was actually the first time I've EVER drawn old onceler, so I worked EXTRA hard...I hope I did him justice!! Every hair, every thread, every little thneed tuft was drawn with care. I even manually drew in the shadows for the stripes on his robe so they would look indented! And if you look closely in other screenshots, I also manually added shadows to every piece of thread that makes up the onceler suit stripes.

The LET IT GROW is in seuss font, but I didn’t type it, I drew the letters while mimicking the font’s style, then added edge lighting to make it look carved into the pot. Unfortunately we couldn’t keep the zine title in seuss font as well due to copyright restrictions and I think I might have died if I were to draw the title in seuss font too LMAO

The Audrey is of course intended to be movie Audrey but it's MY zine piece and I wanted to be a little self-indulgent.....so I drew some symbols on the plant pot representing my audrey oc, Audrey Grace. 🤫😇 She means everything to me. She is a direct result of the fandom and she keeps me in the fandom.

The blue kite originates from her mainverse askblog:  https://askaudtree.tumblr.com/post/71630954595/do-you-do-all-the-chores-in-the-house-hows-your She later uses it as a marker for lerkim hopping in zomb au:  https://audpocalypse.tumblr.com/post/178971798052/whats-that-blue-diamond-symbol-mean-its-on-your  She's a knife-wielding zombie slayer and also a kazoo master (the tree straightener in the pot has the same striped pattern as her kazoo): https://miru667.tumblr.com/post/629448230317490176/pls-click-for-hi-res-today-is-my-audreys https://audpocalypse.tumblr.com/post/179181386907/have-you-ever-run-into-any-lerkims-that-were

And because of spending so much of her life in an apocalypse, she’s learned to appreciate the fleetingness of life, because who knows what’ll happen tomorrow? Every moment is precious. This is cherry blossom philosophy: https://notwithoutmypassport.com/cherry-blossom-meaning-in-japan/

I think it’s so cool that since it took 6 months, I would improve like halfway into working on this piece which made me have to go back and redo some things LOL XD. The smoke in the background from the cigar was also painted with inspiration from tofublock, whom I discovered during the latter half of those 6 months too:  https://asteroidhyalosis.tumblr.com/tagged/tofublock https://asteroidhyalosis.tumblr.com/post/668656911468625921/will-you-watch-the-stars-with-me Look at the way they paint their clouds TTWTT so beautiful... I came across them while working on the zine and a lot of their art reminded me of my audrey so I was very taken!!

I positioned and coloured every piece of confetti with intent. The confetti idea itself I think was from Taylor Swift’s lyric video for 22 (Taylor’s Version): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9boiT64sm0Q&feature=youtu.be Again, inspiration that came to me while in the middle of working on the zine.

I composed the piece chronologically to mirror the rise and fall of our fandom experience, followed by the calmer, peaceful present days. Aftermath onceler in the piece represents the perceived death of the fandom but outsiders don’t realize we have AUs, we like characters other than onceler, we can extrapolate the story any which way...so that's all represented by the right side of the pic. We won’t stop biggering!

Thank you for reading if you made it this far.. I tried to include as much as I could into my piece so that hopefully everyone who is/was in the fandom feels seen.. Only the best for the Once-ler fandom, you know? And there’s actually so much more I can say about this piece but I’ll end it here.

[ineffably-human]

So uh, speaking of leaks... (part 1)

On a Discord server, @kyrilu pointed out two more Vimeo links of people reading for Shadows scenes in s4. I'm posting them with permission. Unlike the other leak provided, these are still up and able to be viewed by whoever. (Please don't bother the people who auditioned, or anyone in the Shadows cast/crew, or do anything that could lead to these getting a takedown like the other leak apparently did.)

I'll be transcribing the first under the cut and giving my thoughts, just to keep things separate and clear, but I'll be doing this for the second one as soon as this one is out and uh. The second one feels like Nandermo gold to me. Like it doesn't have the kind of obvious sitcom 'wham' of the earlier leak but it gives me all the feelings.

I'm going to reference 'Reader' for person reading the other lines and 'Actor' for the person screen testing since it's not always clear who the reader is reading for when there are more than two people in the scene. I'll speculate/give a name of what character it seems to be when I can.

Transcript of the first link:

READER (SEAN): Woah! You guys look freaking awesome. I feel underdressed.

ACTOR (HEADMASTER WARREN): Oh nonsense, Sean, you always look like a class act. Hello! (indicates self) Jim Warren.

READER (SEAN): Speaking of class act...

ACTOR: Oh, hello! This must be Colin, hello young man! It's a pleasure.

READER (COLIN): It is my great pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir. And guess what?

ACTOR: What's that?

READER (COLIN): I'm a remarkably smart lad who can sing and dance, I never watch YouTube, I don't hammer holes in walls with a hammer, so I'd say there's nothing weird about me.

ACTOR: Well, that's just great! And I look forward to getting to know you better, but right now, how 'bout you give me a moment to talk to your parents and get to know them a little bit?

READER (COLIN): Okay, fine, sir! Also, I don't sleep in a wooden box and I never have.

ACTOR: (smiles and nods nervously, pause) ...So! Forgive me for not being fully up to speed here, but who exactly are the parents?

READER (?): When I snap my fingers, you will enter a trance where you will hear nothing and see nothing. When I snap once more, you will return to normal consciousness remembering nothing of this pause. (snaps, beat, snaps again - clearly they have some kind of dialogue here independent of the lines the actor needs to audition)

READER (Nadja): We are Cousin Colin's parents! Hello, I'm Nadja.

READER (?): Yes, and I'm Matthew.

ACTOR: Well, Nadja and Matthew, I'd like to ask you a few questions about yourselves and Colin.

READER (Nadja): We can do that because we are Colin's parents.

READER (?): Yes! We had relations for him to exist. We still have relations to this day, even if just for pleasure. And I am Matthew.

ACTOR: (beat) Okay, great! Nice to...meet you, Matthew. So is...everybody gonna stay for this next part? Usually it's only the paren- (another snap, beat, another snap - rehypnotized for some more dialogue not included in the video) -parents who do the interview.

READER (?): Yes, everyone will stay. We consider everyone here like members of the family.

ACTOR: Okay, then! One big happy family! We like that. Well, let's dive in then... So, how old is Colin?

READER (?): (unclear how many people are talking at once but I hope it's literally every single one of them) Uhm, four - nineteen - I mean - twelve, what are y- forty-two - sixteen - when - he's nine. Nine.

ACTOR: (long bewildered pause) ...Ah.

So uh, I love every single thing about this. I can't meta too hard about it because it's more straight-up plot but some stray observations:

- Aww, they're trying to get Colin into a good private school! Instead of just homeschooling him or something, too, maybe they want to socialize him? Makes sense with the whole 'can he become an interesting person and not an energy vampire' thing.

- I find "we are Cousin Colin's parents" hilarious and I can't explain why, it's just beautiful in its simplicity.

- Colin's clearly gonna do some rapid aging, but in stages. Laszlo taught him music because of course he did, also I love every part of the very specific denial he does.

- Sean is there! Is Sean there the whole time?? Is he there for the hypnosis?? Did Sean meet baby Colin and then kid Colin and did they have to hypnotize him multiple times, or is he aware of the supernatural stuff at this point and along for the ride? I really really want him to be in on things as the Stu of the group, just their human friend who everyone likes so he hangs out and smiles and nods at the proceedings.

- The most obvious question, who is 'Matthew'? The very specific 'yes we totally have sex' stuff makes me think it's not Laszlo (though the meta of the name specifically being 'Matthew' is funny). The speech patterns make me think it's Nandor. But none of them have ever gone by an alias in day to day stuff before, or worried a name like 'Nandor' sounds too European or unusual. I don't think this is a new character though, so my money is on Nandor more than Laszlo/Guillermo/someone else.

- "Yes, everyone will stay. We consider everyone here like members of the family." I hope Guillermo is there. I hope Sean is there. I hope that whatever bickering they inevitably had to decide that everyone needed to stay in the room, they absolutely mean it when they say that line.

[sharkselfies]

The Minds Behind The Terror Podcast Transcript - Episode 1

Since some folks requested it on Twitter, I’ve started transcribing The Minds Behind The Terror podcast episodes! Below the cut you’ll find episode 1, where showrunners Dave Kajganich and Soo Hugh talk to Dan Simmons, the author of the novel The Terror, about episodes 1-3 of the show. They discuss Simmons’s initial inspiration for writing the book, the decisions they made to adapt it into a television series, and the depictions of some of the characters such as the Tuunbaq, Hickey, and “Lady Silence.”

The Minds Behind The Terror Podcast - Episode 1 

[The Terror opening theme music plays]

Dave Kajganich: Hello! Welcome to Minds Behind The Terror podcast. I’m Dave Kajganich, I am a creator and one of the showrunners of the AMC show The Terror, and I’m here in the studio with executive producer and co-showrunner Soo Hugh.

Soo Hugh: Hello!

DK: And we welcome today the author of the sublime novel The Terror, on which our show is based, author Dan Simmons, calling in from Colorado. Welcome, Dan! Hi! 

Dan Simmons: Hi Dave, thank you. 

DK: So let’s start with the very beginning. This was a mystery from actual naval history that you decided to transform into a novel that was crossed with Gothic horror. Can you tell us a little bit about where you got the idea from this, how you went about preparing to write it, anything that can give us insight into how you blended all of these remarkable genres into this incredible book.

DS: I’ve known since I was a kid that I wanted to tell a story about either the North or South Pole. And the reason is in 1957, 58, when I was very young, actually I was just a fetus, they had the international geophysical year, and that really caught my imagination. Now the international geophysical year saw cooperation between American and Soviet scientists, it was the height of the Cold War, that’s the first time they submit(?) a permanent base at the South Pole, and I fell in love with Arctic stories. I had one book left on a book contract with a publisher I really liked, and we hadn’t decided what that book was, and I wanted to write a scary story about the Arctic, in this case the Northern Arctic, and that happened because I was doing a lot of research on Antarctica and just couldn’t figure out what the macabre, Gothic, scary part would be. I wanted to put it in, but I didn’t think they’d go for, you know, an eight foot tall vampire penguin. 

[laughter]

DK: You might be surprised! 

DS: There was a footnote on a book I was reading about the Franklin Expedition, which I had never heard of, and I decided that’s what I was gonna write about, and it had a tremendous amount of the unknown that I could fill in, that’s what novelists love. And so I told my editors excitedly that this was what I was gonna do, I would call it The Terror after the HMS Terror that went with the Erebus, got stuck in the ice, all the crew disappeared in history… And they said no. 

[laughter]

DS: ...it was the first time the publishers did that. I said, “Why not? I think it’s gonna be a pretty good novel.” And they said, “Look, nobody’s interested in a bunch of people that’ve been dead for 150 years.” 

SH: That sounds like some of our meetings.

[laughter]

DS: So I did what maybe you do, in such a meeting, I just thanked them, and I liked them all, and I had a good dinner(?) and I said goodbye, and bought back my last book on the contract and went out and wrote it on spec. 

SH: Well why don’t we take a step back, Dave, and why don’t you tell us about how you found Dan’s book and that experience?

DK: Sure! Dan, you might remember some of these steps from your side of it, which is that originally this was auctioned by Universal as a feature, and I sort of tried to get the rights and was a bit too late, and tracked them down to the producers at Universal who were running the project and got myself hired as the screenwriter for a feature adaptation. By the time I was ready to start actually committing an outline to the paper, Universal had let the rights go because there was a competing project. It was interesting to sort of rack up reasons why people wanted to make it but didn’t feel that they could pull the trigger, and we were so grateful when AMC finally called us back and said, “Look, we’ve figured out a model where we can do this as a limited series,” it really felt like ten episodes was a great length for this, because we could blend genres in a way that, you know, we could unpack sort of slowly, more slowly than a lot of shows would’ve done, and drive the plot as much as we could, like the novel, with character choices and decisions as opposed to just horror kind of entering the frame and taking over for one set piece after another. So it was a long journey, getting this to AMC, but at the end of the day I think we found the right home for it.

DS: I can no longer imagine a two hour version, feature film version of this story, and I can’t imagine a second season of this story, I think it was just right.

SH: It does feel like we did a ten hour cinematic novel. 

[audio from the show]

Crozier: Only four of us at this table are Arctic veterans. There’ll be no melodramas here--just live men, or dead men. 

SH: Dan, Dave and I talk about how addictive the research gets for this when you start going down the rabbit hole, how did you approach the research?

DS: I think most novelists run into that, but since I write a lot of quasi-historical novels, at least set in history, I get totally addicted to going down the rabbit hole. Readers say, “Well, Simmons’ book is too long, and the descriptions of things are too exhausting,” but I watch your characters go on deck and there are all the things and views and everything that I tried so hard to describe and then people tell me, y’know, “talky, verbose,” and in print I have to do it that way, but you just pan the camera a little bit. 

DK: You have words, we have images! For every thousand of yours, we get one!

DS: Yeah.

SH: But I remember this passage in your book where it talks about all the different ices, and you vest it with so much psychological import. We talk about that passage a lot in the writers room, it was one of our highlights, of this is how you do great descriptive writing.

DK: And you made so many parallels between things like the environments of the ships and characters, you built a kind of code book for the show without realizing you were doing it, which is making visual metaphors out of a lot of these things that would normally just be exposition or historical detail.

SH: Well especially between Crozier and the ship, I mean when you hear about Crozier’s relationship with Terror, and you have so many amazing passages about, you know, the groan of the ship and how it, y’know, and you cut to a scene with Crozier and how you feel that the bones of Crozier is embedded in the ship, and we really took a lot from that. 

DS: Well I noticed that on one of the episodes where Lord Franklin [sic] is trying to get back in touch with Crozier, you know, trying to be friends with him again, I think it’s a brilliant episode you guys wrote.

[show audio]

Franklin: You’ve succeeded in avoiding Erebus most of the winter.

Crozier: I’m a captain. I’m--I’m peevish off my own ship. I leave it and I hear disaster knocking at its door, before I’m ten steps away.

DS: And that was beautifully written, that. You got so much of Crozier right there.

DK: It was a pleasure to write these characters on the backs of your writing of these characters, because you really--I mean, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do, as you know, from having written, you know, a whole long string of historical books, is to make these people’s psychologies feel as modern as they must have felt in their day, while still being able to articulate some of the blind spots of being from the eras they were from. 

I’m curious from sort of a history nerd point of view, if people watch the series and like the series, and read the book and like the book, and want to know more about this expedition, what’s the first book about the Franklin Expedition you would point people to? What was most helpful or most interesting in your research? 

DS: I apologize, I can’t think of the name of it, but it’s a collection of stories about both the South and North Pole, and so it’s a short section on the Franklin Expedition, but it didn’t make mistakes, and most of the other books that I read, uh, keyed, and videos for that matter, like PBS did a story about the Franklin Expedition, but they keyed off a 1987 attempt by several doctors to figure out what happened to the crew, and they exhumed three crewmen’s bodies from the first island where they stayed the first winter, and those crewmen had only been on the ship a couple of months, but they decided because of a high lead content that the lead had poisoned them and then made them stupid, and made them paranoid and everything, but they didn’t compare that test of lead with any background people in London at the time, and later they did, so I didn’t believe the lead thing.

DK: Well that’s the fascinating thing about a mystery with this many parts and pieces, kind of in flux, is, you know, you can create all kinds of competing narratives about it, and what’s fascinating about writing a fictional version is you can’t have that kind of ambiguity, you have to make a decision. I think people will enjoy very much ways that the show and the book have a similar point of view, and also ways that they diverge in their points of view, because there are so many ways to tell this story--

SH: Well you know how much we invest responsibility in the audience as well, right?

DK: Sure.

SH: In terms of your book and our show as well, we’re not against interpretation, that there’s a responsibility on the audience’s part to put together--we’re not gonna hand feed them. There’ll be some people who put more of an onus on Franklin, and others who would say, “You know, if I was in that position, I probably would’ve made the same decision,” “Oh no, this definitely killed the men,” “No, this killed them!” and that dialogue is exciting, you know, when you read fans talk about your show and your books and really smart, insightful ways. 

[show audio]

Franklin: Would it help if I said that I made a mistake? 

Crozier: You misunderstand me, Sir John, I--I only meant to describe why I brood, not that I judge.

DS: I don’t worry about who or what my reading audience is. People ask me about that and I don’t imagine a certain reader. But I’ve always tried to write for somebody who’s more intelligent than I am. My perfect reader would be just smart as hell, speak eight languages, you know, have fantastic world experiences, and I want to write something that will please that person, and I think your show does the same thing.

DK: Well we were--that was our motto! We wanted to be sort of the dumbest members of our collaboration and there’s a sort of horrifying moment when you realize that’s come true. 

[laughter]

[show background music]

DK: Tell us a little bit about why you made the decisions to tell the story in the order you told it, and whether you sort of felt like there was anything from the way you had told it that we were--or a missed opportunity. We’d love to know sort of what your experience of that was. 

DS: I don’t think there were any missed opportunities in terms of not adapting my way of telling it, and I can’t remember all the reasons for why I broke it down that way, some of them were just very localized to, you know, when I was writing that particular bit. But I do know that it gains a lot by being told chronologically the way you’re doing it, so for me that seems now the logical way to tell it again.

DK: Have you ever read the novel in chronological order? When we hired writers for the writers room, we gave them a list of what the chapters were like in chronological order, and I think we asked half the room to read it in your order and half the room to read it in chronological order so we could have a discussion, a meaningful discussion about whether there were things about telling it without being in chronological order that we wanted to embrace or not. It was a fantastic experience and I wonder if you’ve ever read your chapters in chronological order? ‘Cause it’s also a fantastic book!

[laughter]

DS: I haven’t read it that way, they were that way in my mind before I started getting fancy and breaking them up and moving them around in time and space, but I would love to have seen that experiment.

DK: The reason we can get away with it in the show is because there is a loved book out there that people trust, and you know, it is a classic in this genre, so I mean this is a perfect example of, you know, the amount of gratitude we owe the book, because we got away with a lot of things that maybe we wouldn’t have been able to get away with because you came before us. 

SH: And speaking of those rabid fans, Dan, it’s been really interesting reading audience reactions to the show from people who’ve loved the books and who just naturally will compare the two, and we’ve been heartened by just how supportive our fans have become--are of the show. There is this controversy, some people like our choice to give Lady Silence a voice and some people feel it was sacrilege to your book, where do you fall on that? DS: At first I was surprised. In fact when you were hunting for an actress for Lady Silence and I read about that, it said somebody who’s fluent in this Inuit language and this Inuit language, and I said, “What the hell?”

[show audio]

[Silna speaking Inuktitut to her dying father] 

DS: Having seen her with the tongue and heard her, and knowing the different reason they call her Lady Silence, it all works for me and I was also surprised when Captain Crozier could speak fairly fluent, you know, dialect, ‘cause I had him just not understanding a thing.

[show audio]

[Crozier speaking Inuktitut to Silna in the same scene as above]

DS: I love it when readers get rabid about not changing something from a book, and I have to talk to them sometimes, not ‘cause I have a lot of things adapted, this is the first one, but I love movies. They say “Aren’t you worried it will hurt your book?” and first I explain Richard Comden(?)’s idea that you can’t hurt a book anyway, except by not reading it, I mean the books are fine, no matter how bad some adaptation becomes. Books abide, and so I wasn’t concerned. With the changes that I see, I get sorta tickled, whereas some readers get upset, and they just have that set. So I think that the vast majority of viewers haven’t--well, I know the vast majority haven’t read the book, haven’t heard of the book, probably, they’re gonna keep watching because of the depth of the characters, and that’s based on the first two episodes, and I agree with them completely.

[show audio]

[Silna speaking Inuktitut]

Crozier: She said that if we don’t leave now, we’re going to “huk-kah-hoi.”

Blanky: Disappear. 

SH: We get asked a lot of questions about the supernatural element of the show and the way a monster does or does not figure in the narrative, and seeing our episodes, did it feel surprising or did it feel faithful to the way you imagined it as well to your book? 

DS: It was surprising to me at how well it was done, because it’s hard, I know, to show restraint in a series like this, and certainly in a movie, but it’s hard to show restraint at showing and explaining the monster. 

[show audio]

[ominous music, Tuunbaq roaring, men screaming]

DS: The way you did it in the first few episodes to me were just lovely, just, you know, a hint of a glance at something and then you see the results of this creature, so that’s what I tried to do in the novel, one of the reasons I moved around through space and time, part of what I wanted to do was not cheapen the story and not cheapen the reality of these poor men dying by just throwing in a monster, and so I tried to do it in a way that would not disrespect the true tale, and I believe you’re doing it the same way I tried. 

DK: The way you incorporated the supernatural into the book, I mean, I was a fan of it when I first read it. It was jaw dropping the way that it fits so well on a level of plot, on a level of character, and on a level of theme. So when we got the green light to adapt it I was so confident that we were going to be able to do something with it that would be able to be nuanced because the bones of it are so organically terrific.

SH: It helped us know what we didn’t want to do. That formed so much of our conversation, of “this is what we do not want, this is what we do not want,” and slowly you whittled down to getting down to the essence of what this thing had to be.

[show audio]

[Tuunbaq growling]

DK: Another character from the book that really stands out for fans that they are wondering what in the world we’re doing with is Manson. [laughter] And I was curious what you made of the fact that he is pretty invisible in the first three episodes of the show, and that some of his plot beats have been given to a character called Gibson, who I don’t remember is--I don’t think he’s featured very much in the novel. And I wondered if that caught you off guard or if you sort of intuitively had a sense of what we were doing in making that change? 

DS: Any discussion of Manson to me leads to Hickey converting him to his future, his tribe, the tribe he wants to have, group of worshippers, that I think Hickey wants to have, but he does it by sex below decks. Hickey’s not gay at all, he’s a manipulator, to me, and he was manipulating Manson who was big and dumb, in my book, he’s manipulating him by this sexual encounter. But I was curious whether you were worried about showing that?

DK: Well, we weren’t worried about showing characters having same-sex affairs or relationships. We wanted to make room in Hickey’s character for actual affection, or if not affection then companionship, or some kind of connection.

[show audio]

Hickey: Lieutenant Irving! I was hoping we’d meet. 

Crewman: Mind the grease there, sir. 

Hickey: I wanted to... thank you… for your help. For your discretion, I mean. 

Irving: Call it anything but help, Mr. Hickey. Please. I exercised clemency for a man abused by a devious seducer.

DK: We wanted to make sure that Hickey had access to command in some way that a steward, an officer’s steward, would be able to provide him, that an able seaman wouldn’t be able to provide him, and that was really valuable to us in terms of charting out all of these character stories, was how does he know what he knows about how command is dissatisfied or where the fractures are if he can’t see them from where he’s sleeps in his cot in the forecastle. 

SH: I mean we know that there were relations between the same sex on ships, it just was part of this world. Not to belie that there was serious consequences for it, but you know, we have 129 characters, and we wanted them to feel fully fledged and rich, and, you know, passions do naturally develop and have no characters engaged in sexual relations would have felt just as odd and perhaps even more controversial, and when Irving discovers Gibson and Hickey, his shock is from such a subjective point of view of his moral center. It’s not the camera’s perspective, right? Our camera’s very neutral in that scene. It’s Irving, that character at that point in the show, that is infusing a sense of horror, that’s his horror moment.

DS: I’d like to add that it’s not the gay connection that would cause criticism, but I was flayed alive because the most openly quote “gay” unquote character, that is, Hickey, you know, maybe hunting for affection but definitely hunting for power, he’s the only one they said in reviews, and he’s a killer and a bad person, so I’m homophobic, but I was flayed alive for that. The word homophobic appeared in about 80 reviews. Nobody mentioned the purser, who uh--

DK: Right, Bridgens and Peglar.

DS: Yeah. I thought he was a fascinating character. I loved getting glimpses of him in the series because he’s super smart, he’s super wise, he’s probably wiser than any of the commanders, ahd he’s obviously in love with--who is it that he’s in love with in the show?

DK: Peglar. 

DS: Yes, that makes sense. And, uh, so Peglar says, you know, “Is this another Herodotus?” and, “No, I’m giving you Swift now,” he’s educating the man he cares for. 

[show audio]

Hickey: I understand you cleared up our “association” for Lieutenant Irving? Gibson: You spoke to him.

Hickey: Mhm.

Gibson: Directly?

(beat)

Christ, Cornelius, I’d reassured him.

Hickey: Cornelius Hickey is a “devious seducer.” That was your--that was your reassurance? You’ve got some face, you know that? 

DK: We wouldn’t have dramatized Hickey’s story if we weren’t also going to pull in Peglar and Bridgens’ story, because we knew that people, you know, are predisposed to sort of make that kind of quick assumption, and we just wanted to make sure that the show didn’t have that blind spot and reflected the book, which also doesn’t have that blind spot. 

SH: We had those same questions with Lady Silence, and I’m sure you did as well. When we meet her, she’s a frightened young woman who’s about to lose her father, and that’s a universal character moment that anyone can relate to, and the otherness is sort of--is secondary, but then once--in the end scene of 1.02, when she’s sitting there grieving her father and then you have that language barrier with everyone else, we worked with Nive on this because we wanted to make sure the language itself was as accurate as possible, so when you say disappear making sure that the disappear in our language means the same thing as disappear in her language. I think whenever you have characters that feel othered in most media and you’re bringing them into your show, Dave and I also just wanted to make sure we weren’t swaying on the pendulum on the other side and being almost too careful about touching them, and with Nive I think when you have an actor of that talent, she was strong, she was representing a voice that she felt very confident in, and that was very reassuring for us.

DS: And it works well, and when her father’s dying, she throws herself on his chest and says “I’m not ready, it’s too soon, I’m not ready,” and I love that in the show because if she’s gonna become a Shaman he’s dying you know it’s not reached that point of education yet where she feels secure and later on you know beyond what we’re discussing today she becomes to me in the show I see her as more and more majestic.

SH: I do love the word majestic ‘cause I think it describes pretty much all of our characters. I agree, I do think there is something very sublime about who they have become at the end because when you go through that much trials and tribulations, it’s this beautiful human spirit to endure. 

DS: I think that’s one of the central themes of the story that you’ve brought out so clearly. In most post-apocalypse, you know, terrible situation movies and shows, everybody turns nasty as hell, they start shooting each other, it’s just like WWIII when they should be helping each other survive, and I found even though there was controversy, even though there was opposition in this story, people opposing against each other, still that they rose to the occasion. And that is so rare I think in much media these days or even books where the characters are themselves and they do the best they can, and when things get bad they rise to the occasion.

DK: The first conversation you and I had about the book, you know, I was basically pitching you sort of what I thought thematically the book was about, and I talked a lot about, that in a disaster like this, a kind of moral emergency, that we would get a chance to unpack what is sort of best and worst in these characters’ souls.

DS: I confuse readers often when I was on book tour for this book, and it was a long time ago, I’ve written a few million words since then, but I confused people by saying that if you want a theme for the survival story of The Terror, it’s love. It’s love between the men. And just unstinting love. And this came out in a piece of dialogue, in the first two episodes.

[audio from the show]

Franklin: I’ll not have you speak of him uncharitably, James. He is my second. If something were to happen to me, you would be his second. You should cherish that man. 

Fitzjames: Sometimes I think you love your men more than even God loves them, Sir John. 

Franklin: For all your sakes, let’s hope you’re wrong. 

DS: That to me was right the theme I was working with, and with Crozier who shows it a different way, with Fitzjames who’s struggling to show leadership, and between the men despite their hierarchy and the British hierarchy, the rank and lieutenants and so forth, eventually they come down to loving the men they try to save. And I found that lovely. 

[The Terror opening theme music plays]

DK: Thank you so much for listening to The Minds Behind The Terror, join us in our next edition when we talk about episodes 4-6 with the additional guest Adam Nagaitis phoning in from London. We will see you soon!

[preview snippet from the next episode plays]

DS: I’ll confess something else to Adam, the first time I watched it, I thought your character was a good guy because he jumped down in that grave to put the lid back on.

[laughter]