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spookykoolkat · 1 year ago

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the red j.m. | chapter five

CHAPTER FIVE: FORFEIT

series masterlist | main masterlist | previous chapter |

pairings: older!joel miller x plus sized!younger!reader

chapter summary: joel has been acting colder than usual towards you since your encounter in his living room, and when it turns out that tommy paired you up with joel for a last minute adventure on your first day of patrol rounds, you were infuriated.

warnings: 18+ age gap (joel is 57, reader is turning 26), inappropriate thoughts, sexual language, teasing, touching, x-rated descriptions, crude language, mean!joel, mean!reader, mentions of past su*cide attempt, brief mentions of breeding, dacryphilia, cockwarming, p in v, oral. descriptions of sex acts, explicit. MDNI!!! minors r not welcome on my page

wc: 7.6k

na: the smut will be coming soon i promise. lioterally next chapter. I TOLD YOU IT WAS SLOW BURN! but omg i think this is one of my fav chapters lol

MONDAY DECEMBER 23RD, 2024

YOU

the weekend was dreadful. naively, you believed somehow it was a miracle that joel gave you the attention he did on saturday night. no, you just realized it was something he strongly regretted. sunday morning, he woke up without a sound and left as swiftly as he could.

he was avoiding you.

it was so bizzare to you. everything happened so fast and life became as domesticated as it could be for you in this world. you were living with a man and a girl, and now there’s an odd sexual tension between the two of you that you were possibly misreading. it was inevitable, you were deathly attracted to this man. joel miller.

it’s like somehow being around him and ellie almost healed a part of yourself, you didn’t know what but you felt you could be yourself again. honestly, being in jackson sort of healed a part of you. you were finally getting the chance of finding yourself, finally figuring out what being you meant and who you are, and it was because you were here in jackson. because you actually had two people in your life that you could actually try to begin to trust.

but that doesn’t mean he never pissed you off. and it doesn’t mean that he was never an asshole.

it was four thirty in the morning when he slammed the door shut on his way out, and forced you to get up and grab all your shit for your first patrol shift. it was supposed to be from six in the morning to eleven in the morning, giving you the first shift of the day. you noticed joel had been taking nights with tommy occasionally, leaving at six in the evening and coming back close to one in the morning.

he chose to be on the lookout longer, searching longer, doing more than he needed. he was thorough, and for that you respected him. besides his hostile attitude, he was a natural hunter, killer, forager. of course, you could only assume. you hadn’t seen him in action the way ellie and tommy have.

tommy told you to meet him at his house on your first day, and you complied. you were expecting to see tyler standing with tommy outside of his house when you walked up, but this man was not tyler. the thick coat he wore would’ve made it impossible to figure out who it was, had you not seen that coat before. but it was in fact the coat you brought home for him after a shift down at the local buy and trade shop, something you picked up because it was in his size and you knew with the torn hoodies and sweaters he had, none would suffice to keep him safe when he’s out in the cold.

this was the man that made you clench your thighs when he was angry with you, the man who saw you as vulnerable as you were that night, the man who spoke nothing but dirty things in your ear then left you high and dry, ignoring you even as your footsteps crunch in the snow.

“where’s tyler?” you said loudly over the heavy winds and snow, getting closer to the broad figure. it was the man you’ve thought about since saturday night, the man that ignored you even now.

“me and maria decided you needed an expert ‘stead of a rookie, but since maria is pregnant i wanted to stay, so i put ya with the second best of jackson,” he said clamping down on his brother’s shoulder, “my big brother,” his smile was way too big for this early in the morning, and you internally rolled your eyes.

“i don’t need an expert, i’ve been out there by myself for years. i can handle myself,” you spit sourly. even joel felt it slash through him a bit, the pure disgust on your voice wasn’t easy to fake and a part of him felt bad. but he knew what he was doing and why he was doing it.

tommy looked between you two, facing opposite from each other. “just precaution, don’t need ya gettin’ lost.” you could tell tommy felt some sort of sympathy for you, understanding how cruel his brother could truly be.

you scoffed. maybe tommy did feel bad for you, but if he did you wished he would keep the faces he makes to himself. you didn’t need pity. you needed to not be stuck with joel for a couple of hours.

just great. “i need y’all to search this abandoned town a few cities back, ain’t that far, maybe two hundred, two fifty miles west. figure’s it’d be better takin’ the horses,” so not a couple of hours.

tommy practically gives the two of you a list, a list of things that he and maria needed, and places to search for the infected.

“we need soap, and medical shit like gloves, anythin’ works,” he said and you nodded. this seemed a little less like patrolling and more doing duties for him. maybe it was both, but you were a little disappointed.

“baby steps, a’right?” tommy said, sensing the disappointment on your face and rubbing your arm to warm you up a bit.

“joel’s got you,”

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oh it was torture. you and joel would be on this mission for two days. this wasn’t patrol, this was a favor. this was a job taken on by those who weren’t fighters, but could protect themselves. the people who scavenged abandoned towns, homes, cities near jackson to see if it’s worth expanding or if there’s anything they would take. but this wasn’t what you wanted to do, you didn’t want the soft version of what joel did.

whether you wanted to or not, you worried that he didn’t look at you as capable since the first time he met you you were lying face down in blood soaked snow that formed into a ring around your body. not only that, but when you finally awoke, you tried to take your own life in front of him. you couldn’t blame him if he thought that way, it just made you more weary about your strength and if he would be right to think that way.

you were desperate to prove yourself to him, for no particular reason. you just wanted him to see that you didn’t need him like he thought you did.

“where are we gonna sleep?” you asked as the click clack of the horses began to pick up. you rode right next to him, following his lead with the map.

“wherever we can,” he muttered, unhappily might you add.

“i mean, what are we doing joel? this is not me patrolling,” you argued to yourself, and he sighed loudly as he looked back down at the map.

“no, it ain’t. but it’s a taste. stop tryin’ to kill yourself,” he spit and you closed your mouth quickly. you were actually a little offended. he actually got you to shut up, and it felt like shit.

because he was right. you jumped into everything so fast, getting yourself hurt when you told yourself it’d never happen. so, you just shut up and listened to him when he told you where to go. you didn’t want to fight with him because really, you couldn’t take it. you’d want him to take you with the fury in his eyes. maybe you were mentally deranged for being so distracted by him lately, figuring out that everything about him sends you into a frenzy. this was ridiculous, you were ridiculous.

you know it’s wrong. but joel made you feel something that nobody else has. he challenged you. he wanted you to snap back at him and bark your insults at him. he may not admit it, but he liked that you had something to say to everything. your attraction was only growing for him, and you were ashamed of it. the man won’t even look at you and you’re ready to open your legs from one glance?

the sun was rising at this point, passing empty farms and abandoned shacks while joel inspected the map tommy gave him. he was frustrated, you could clearly tell through his grunts and swear words that he spilled. so far, it’s been clean. no infected, no people, nothing but emptiness and nature covered in snow. your gun was still in your hand, ready to aim and shoot but for now you just watched joel.

he refused to ask for your help because he felt like he was lost. maybe it was his sight, but he truly thought that he mistook a walking trail for a road, derailing the two of you. he was a proud man, and was embarrassed to ask help from a twenty something year old.

he refused to be the one needing help on this globetrotting the two of you did.

“joel?” you talked for the first time in two hours, and he shot you a glance over his shoulder, you riding a little behind him now.

“what?” he grumbled, and you sped up to catch up to him. his heart picked up when he heard you so close.

“are we lost?”

it was hard for him to be angry with you when your voice fell so soft for him. he noticed the way you spoke to people you didn’t like, or didn’t care for. bored, short and cold. just like him. but even when you didn’t notice, he heard the gentle tone you used with him. maybe it’s because you’re a live fucking wire who kills everyone you ever loved and she knows you’ll blow up on her too.

“no, just-” he stalled and you followed as he flipped the map around, acting like that will solve the issue. you quickly reach over to snatch the map from him, shaking your head and not listening to his noise when you start reading the lines.

“just stop,” you said and halted your movements. you moved the map around and found your location now, and the circled location on the paper. joel watched you with frustration and embarrassment, but you wouldn’t know. you weren’t the best at picking up social cues.

“just go straight. it should take you to a road, and turn right then.” you answered, shoving the paper back into his hands and continuing your journey. you waited for him to ride off first so you could trail a little bit behind him, and he did, not giving you a second glance.

it was one hour, then it was two, and then it was three. three turned to five, and finally a break was taken. joel wanted to go as much as he could before he needed a rest, to take a piss, relax his joints. you, on the other hand, wanted to keep going.

“get there to and back faster if we keep going, just wasting time.” you mumbled to him as you leaned against a tree while he came back around from one, adjusting his coat. the two of you stopped in the middle of the woods that you were forced to cross through, snow falling slower now. the trees were still, and as was the shallow river nearby.

“do you ever stop complaining?” he finally spoke, but nothing but annoyance dripped from his words as he leaned against another tree, collecting himself.

“only when i don’t have shit to complain about,” you bit back, rolling your eyes as you watched the stream of water rush.

“you don’t have shit to complain about,” he argued and you scoffed.

“alright joel. just, let’s go. the sooner we’re there the faster i can get the fuck away from you.”

“we live together,” he said matter of factly.

“no shit joel, oh my god, can we just go?” you were so fucking irritated with him. the only thing that came out of his mouth to talk to was to just piss you off even more. he acted like he wasn’t practically breathing down your neck not even three days ago.

“you’re so damn irritating,” he mumbled as he gathered his things from the snow and swung his backpack over his shoulders, along with his rifle.

“oh, yeah, right because you’re a real fuckin’ joy to be around.” you spit. you quickly left without him, being much quicker on your feet than he was, and got to your horse before he did.

“don’t do that shit again, “ he spit at you when he reached his horse. of course, referring to the fact that you went off without him. joel was, needless to say, pissed off. and of course, again, you seem to be the root of his anger. you couldn’t lie, and you fought hard to keep the smile from creeping on your face at your realization. you actually enjoyed when he was angry because of you. you felt strong enough to have that power over him, at least some sort of power. you just knew how to press his buttons, and he knew how to press yours.

but just as you took joy in pissing you off, he enjoyed to watch you bite back and get equally as angry as he does because of you.

“it was fifteen feet joel. I know what i’m doing.”

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it was nightfall when you got to the small town outside of jackson. tommy was off by fifty miles or so. so far, still not running into anything that could kill either of you. taking the horses cut down the travel time by half had the two of you walked, and suddenly you were grateful because joel still won’t talk to you after the little spat in the woods.

it was bothering you an insane amount. you had no problem being unwanted and unwelcome, but this was excruciating for you. you just wanted to knock him off his horse and force him to be nice to you.

you were behind joel, a little off to his right when you rode further into the eerie town.

it wasn’t until you and joel stopped in front of a supermarket, tying the horses to nearby trees. the two of you walked into an abandoned supermarket that greeted the entrance of the city, stepping over the frame of the automatic doors that were broken. and as reckless as you were, you just so happened to step on the broken glass of the automatic doors that crunched under your boot. joel shot you an angry look, in a way that says ‘way to fucking go, smart one,’ when the snarling came from the back of the supermarket and you shot one right back. you start to see the pale figures running towards the two of you down the aisle in front of you.

you and joel hadn’t shared a word since you helped him with the map, so when he tells you to get behind him you don’t listen. you hear angry words, but you don’t listen. a part of you was still angry even when your very life was being threatened, it was true that maybe you held grudges for way too long. you weren’t paying attention to him, you fell into fight or flight and moved to the side of joel and around the cash registers to shoot bullets at two of the angry bodies running at you full speed.

the thing is, you didn’t want him to have to save you. you didn’t want him to have something to shove in your face later on, a debt you had to repay to him. you also didn’t need him to survive, you didn’t need his protection. even if you wanted it. you knew he might just throw it in your face one day.

joel was distracted, and caught off guard. of any time he could be distracted he chose now, too distracted by the way you quickly maneuvered around him without even noticing. too distracted by the way you just proved you could handle yourself, and then some. and too angry that you never listened to him.

and his stillness was because joel felt the same anxiety, the same nervousness he felt seeing you hold a gun to your own head, and actually felt his chest grow tight. he just froze. this wasn’t like joel, he was always on his toes, eager for bloodshed. but now, it’s pure fear and anxiety. you saw it when you finally noticed the clicker that was close enough to take him apart, and wondered why he wasn’t shooting and instead gripping at his chest. you called his name out, getting his attention and the clicker, raising your gun you shoot three times to watch the clicker drop to the floor.

“what the fuck joel?” you hushed as you tried to breathe normally again, trying to make sure there weren’t any more infected either on the way or here in the store.

“are you okay?”

“you didn’t listen to me, goddamnit,” he spit and quickly ransacked the store for whatever he saw on the list. you felt your head spin. was he mad at me? you thought.

“joel are you okay? that was, that wasn’t,” you didn’t know how to say it without making him look weak, ignoring the anger that took over his body. you didn’t even care about the tone and how enraged he sounded, you were worried about him.

“stop talkin’ and keep watch.” he was so sharp, so cold.

you sighed and kept watch like he said, walking around the front entryway as joel rushed to grab what was there. you were sure that the sound of the gunshots would’ve sent a plethora of clickers your way, but it was nothing but the sound of wind.

you were just so angry at him. his very existence and the fact that he still treated you like you were hardly there, it sent a certain rage to your body. you didn’t understand how this was your fault. how anything was your fault.

you had no choice but to follow him, so when he pushed past you with a fuller backpack you followed his lead. you could feel the heat coming from his body as he walked by you, and you knew he was angry. you tried to rack your brain what for. you just basically saved his life.

he was angry that he just proved again that he failed you. he got lost on the way here because he couldn’t see, and felt a sudden rush of fear hit him all at once. he was weaker, weaker than he’d been when he was traveling with ellie.

it wasn’t long before the two of you rode into a neighborhood and found streets of abandoned houses, cars still in driveways and swing sets still in the front yard. it was so eerie, creepy. this was somewhere people lived, created families here. now it’s a ghost town. it was nothing.

after the two of you tie up the horses again, he finally speaks.

“we’re gonna check all these houses, and sleep in one. listen to me for fuckin’ once and stop acting like a fuckin’ kid. come back here if shit goes south.” he demanded ugly, and you glared at him, actually taken aback.

“you know what joel-” you started but he waved you off.

“go.”

you were angry. god were you so angry. looking through house after house, floor after floor, room after room and all you could think about was telling joel off. you occasionally found something tommy and maria were looking for, batteries, a bottle of soap here and there, gloves, alcohol. but, you took everything after you made sure the coast was clear.

it might’ve taken you and joel about three hours to check every house on the block, some being too destroyed and in ruins to even search through. you looked at the watch on your wrist and the time flashed 12:56AM. and you were still angry. not only were you angry, but you were very much sexually frustrated.

how dare he act like that one night and act like i dont exist the next? you were fuming..

joel waited for you as you walked back to the first house on the street where you split up, and as he watched you walk towards him he noticed a scowl on your face. anger in your eyes and irritation, but he didn’t care.

“nothing. i’m going to bed, goodnight.” you spit, telling him there were no threats and no harm. you walked into the small house and went into the back rooms to look for a bed, finding one bed and couches in the living room. when you walked back to the living room, joel was already standing inside.

“you need to listen to me when i tell-” he began but you groaned and threw your backpack on the floor, taking your gun to put it in between the cushion of the couch where you plan to sleep.

“no joel, i’m not doing this shit with you. i’m capable, alright? you’re so fuckin’ angry at me for no reason and want me to just let you take it out on me,” you said loud enough for it to be taken as hostile.

“what the fuck happened? you didn’t,” you breathed, “you didn’t shoot or anything you just froze joel, what’s wrong with you?” your voice was rising, heat rising to your face and you just stared at him.

“you’re gonna get us fuckin’ killed, you’re just a fuckin’ brat.” he spit at you, and you scoffed.

“yeah okay joel, i’m a brat. i don’t know shit, i’m just a little stupid girl that doesn’t know shit, right? keep deflecting, keep saying nothing’s wrong when you look like you were having a heart attack,” you say, “you know you’re one to talk, you’re fuckin’ childish you know that?”

“i’m childish?” he asked, surprised. deflecting.

“really? that’s what you have to say? nothing about the fact you almost died?”

“yes you’re childish. you come onto me, and can’t even face me after it. you’re angry at me and for what? didn’t talk to me this whole way and why? cause you regret it? man the fuck up joel, i don’t care if we talk or not but what a fucking partner you’ve been. aren’t you the one supposed to keep me safe? not the other way around?”

he didn’t respond. you just saw his eyes go dark as you threw pillows off the couch for more room. he knew you were right, and you didn’t want to argue with joel right now. not when you had another day to spend with him, and having to go back home with him. but you were still so angry, at the audacity he had to call you a kid earlier. to act like you were the problem, you couldn’t help it.

“I act like a kid? please,” you scoffed even louder, “I saved your fuckin’ ass back there, really you should be kissing my fucking toes. you have some nerve, man. you might scare everyone, even your brother, but you’ll never fuckin’ scare me. you’re crazy if you think you do.” you laughed genuinely, shaking your head to rid yourself of the redness in your cheeks from your rage. and before you stopped going in on him, you had to top it with the cherry.

“maybe if you weren’t such a prick all of the time, ellie would actually want to spend time with you.”

“shut the fuck up,” he seethed and you laughed again. that might’ve not been the best idea, but you weren’t know to have the best ideas. his fists were clenched at his side as he stepped closer to where you stood, you just waved him off.

but he knows who his anger is really directed at. he couldn’t be angry at you, well he could, but not forever, he knows. he was angry at himself, angry that you had to risk yourself to save him. angry that you had to do anything for him actually. he was supposed to be your protector here, and now you were his? he felt weak. he felt, almost useless. if you can protect yourself and him, you would never need him then. he was angry at how right you are, and how right you’ve been.

“i don’t regret it,” he said as you sat on the couch with your back facing him.

you sat in silence for a bit before you responded, wanting to make sure you heard right.

“what?” you asked, turning to face him.

“i don’t regret it.”

you truly didn’t know what to do. you didn’t know if making a move was the right move, and you felt like you were going to do something you regretted.

you stood up again, and walked to stand in front of him. you needed to see him, to watch him as he watched you.

“you don’t regret what, joel? touching me?” you asked, getting another not so smart idea. maybe one that would flip the entire dynamic of this bond you had. “then touch me, joel.”

he was taken aback more than you thought, and you saw the internal fight he put up with himself as he looked over your face and body.

“i can’t do that, sweetheart.” was he really denying you right now? asking him to finally touch you and he says no?

“why not?” you said, reaching for his shirt. you didn’t care anymore. your anger was turning into desire for every minute you were alone with him, and you wanted him to take you in this abandoned house more than anything. maybe it was pathetic, but you couldn’t help the wetness that was pooling in your panties from his soft glare.

“i’ma mean old man, you don’t want me to touch you, don’t think i’d be too nice with ya,” he said with fake confidence. he wanted it so bad, he wanted to let you take his hands and put them anywhere he wanted. and even in your black hoodie that zipped up with your tight jeans on, he wanted to feel every inch of you. he wanted to believe he was doing the right thing by saying no you, but fuck it did not feel right to him. what would feel right is if he was buried in that cunt of yours for as long as he wanted.

“nice? you’re never nice, actually you’re jackson’s biggest asshole, but i was never expecting nice from you. i’ve wanted,,” you breathe and let your palms rest on his warm stomach, the small pouch he put on while he was finally eating meals under your touch. he was so warm underneath, knitting your eyebrows together in irritation when you realized he could’ve been keeping you from freezing all night. you didn’t care if he was nice to you anymore. you could handle mean, roughness, you could handle anything he wanted to give you.

“you’ve wanted what? talk to me, sweet girl,” he whispered, giving in to your needy tone, taking his fingers and grabbing your chin to look at him, his eyes. god his eyes. the wrinkles around them creased with every facial movement, usually his eyes were a brown, hazelish glaze but now they’re pitch black. something else in his stare. desire and lust. he couldn’t help but indulge himself when he heard you wanted something from him. because he wanted to give you everything.

you weren’t angry anymore. you were in admiration. you were enjoying being this close to him to see every detail and line and crevice on his face. you wanted to rub his cheeks, feel his skin under yours, but you couldn’t let go of the coat he had on.

“i’ve wanted you to make me feel good. but, you’re just so fucking angry all of the time it’s like you hate me. so i hate you more.” you rolled your eyes at him and he just stared at you.

he was soaking your words in. his thumb was rubbing over your chin, too close to your lips when you avoided his gaze. even now, you were still spewing your snarkiness at him and all he wanted you to do was beg him to make you feel good. but even being a brat, you looked so fucking pretty to him. eyes wide, mouth parted, your hands rubbing over his chest and abdomen—he needed your touch everywhere. he knew you could only be a brat for so long with the way you were leaning into his touch.

he was cracking, and so were you.

“i could never hate you, doll. could never tell a pretty girl like you no, ya fuckin’ kill me,” he softly chuckled, leaning into your face close enough to feel his breath on your lips. his hands move from your chin, slapping himself for taking back his word, and letting them fall on your wide hips.

“jus’ always so eager, ain’t that right? bloodthirsty little thing you are,” he teased, referring to the way you looked almost excited to pull your gun out and use it earlier. he liked it, and in his mind he felt like he was the only one who could tame you. the only man that could be man enough to handle all of you the way you deserved. tyler would never be able to pick you up and throw you face down on the bed, he’d never be able to even touch your pretty pussy the way she deserved.

his lips grazed the skin of your neck, and you felt something wet glide across the salty skin. his tongue was eager to taste you, so substituting your pussy for your neck was his best choice. if you weren’t already wet, you were now.

“joel, just, god you’re so fucking frustrating,” you grunted as you curled your fists into his sweater. your wetness was soaking your panties at this point and the throbbing of your clit was making you frustrated.

he just chuckled. “what do ya want baby,” he breathed, now dangerously close to your lips after he trailed small kisses from your neck to your cheek.

you didn’t really know what you wanted now that he asked, and really you were too damn nervous to say the words. i want you to fill me up. pump me full with your cum. tell me i’m yours and you’re mine. what if you scared him off with that? what if you said it out loud and it made everything so much more real? not just touching and flirting? it was too much to ask for. to even ask for anything from him, you felt like a burden.

“fuck you joel,” you breathed and whimpered, “you know what i want, just fuck me already, or are you too old to take me how i want?” you were desperate for him even if you were being mean about it, and he was loving every minute of it.

you needed him, his cock, his fingers, his tongue inside of you. and you saw how your neediness made him smug, his anger dissipating into nothing but adoration for you. he lightly tapped your ass at your old man remark, and narrowed his eyes at you, but relaxing them again when he saw a long overdue smile on your lips.

“fuuuuuck,” he drew out with his southern accent, “why are you so fuckin’ hard to say no to when you’re such a pain in my ass?” he asked himself. you felt him grow hard against your abdomen as you clenched your thighs and pulled him tighter to your chest. you needed the friction, but you needed it somewhere only he could give it to you.

“because i’m askin’ so nicely?” you suggested playfully, distracting yourself from the burning in your core. he practically smiled against your lips.

“that was nice?” he asked and you hit his chest playfully.

“i can’t do this with you, it just ain’t right,” he tried to resist again.

“you don’t seem like a man who does the right thing, joel.” you said smartly and he rolled his eyes at you before sighing.

“don’t fuckin’ do that, don’t try t’ guilt trip me. you’re fuckin’ trouble.” he’s saying it roughly, but the hard on he has pressing into you says otherwise. before you could take your hands to his cock, he’s grabbing them to remove them and pushing back from you, retracting himself. his self control was thinning, he wouldn’t be able to resist you if he was standing that close to you for another second.

“you’re an asshole, y’know that?” you said sharply, moving yourself away from him with the sting of rejection on your heart. you turn on your heels and start to walk away from him, wanting to escape to the dirty bathroom.

“it ain’t like that and you know it,” he defended from behind you and you shook your head.

“yeah i can tell! let me see, you make me tell you how i want to fuck you and call me baby and sweetheart and all this bullshit, then you tell me you want to do the right thing.” you paused and looked at him, “you get upset because i almost fucked someone, put your hands down my panties, and the next day you hate me. then you’re always fuckin’ mad at me, and then say i’m tryna guilt trip you into fucking me,”

“i mean what the hell joel. all you have t’ say is you don’t want me and we can fuckin’ leave it at that,” you spit and turned around. he just stared at you still with a hard look on his face, but something on his face that reads he isn’t exactly upset at you.

the silence thickens and a minute after a stare down between the two of you, he looked away. the switch that he had flipped so quick, and you’ve seen it before. how could he act so normal when he was throbbing in his jeans and you were staining your panties wet?

he kind of thought you were going to look away first, but now that you were so angry with him he could use it as a way to keep his distance. he knew exactly what he was doing. he was white fanging you. and he was doing it successfully.

“goodnight.” he said quickly without looking at you, and he walked past you to the back hall. you were turning back to sit on the couch as he took the bed until he came back out with all of his things in his arms.

“take the bed.” he ordered and you huffed.

“i’m fine out here,” you argued.

“take the bed.” he wasn’t budging.

so you gathered your things and huffed away to the bed, still thinking about the way he spoke to you when you decided to just leave your shoes on and sleep. you thought about why he’d trade you for the bed, it being this comfortable you figured he’d take it for himself. he was an old man, looking for comfort in anything he could.

you wondered why after all this he was still insistent on doing the right thing. you felt like doing the right thing was out of the question already with the way he spoke so crudely to you. you knew he wanted you too, you knew he was fighting himself to not touch you how he wanted.

but he had that instinct. the people he cared about before him. always. he couldn’t let himself delve into the possibilities of what would happen if he did do exactly what you wanted. he knew he was no good for you even if you tried to put this image of being a tainted person up. he knew that though you might think the two if you are similar, that he was far worse than you thought.

he couldn’t compete with the idea you created of him, that he was this holy protector that did everything to keep his loved ones safe. while he did protect, he was also taking. he could take no credit of the hero title, he never felt like one. to protect his family, he tore people’s families apart.

he didn’t know how, or when, but he knew he was going to hurt you if he let himself be smitten by you. he was going to make you really hate him if he gave into you, if he let you control him the way he feels like you do. he couldn’t let it happen. not tonight.

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

DECEMBER 24TH, 2024

joel was right when he said you’d be home by nightfall had the two of you left before sunrise. the two of you were back before midnight after awkwardly gearing up and leaving promptly at four in the morning. it gave you time to explore the surprisingly empty city, yet still managed to have most of what tommy and maria needed.

to occupy your mind from joel’s eyes burning holes into your back as you took the responsibility of holding the map, you thought about what could’ve happened to that small town. it was eerily empty. something about being there made you feel like your stomach was churning, like someone was watching you.

you wanted to bring it up to tommy and maria when you met back with them that night, and even bring it up to joel when the two of you finally settled back into the house you hadn’t been in. but no words were spoken again, leaving an uncomfortable silence between you two that ellie noticed.

it was just the two of you once again in an empty house as ellie left to spend the night at a friend's house again. joel told her this time to tell someone before she leaves, if she left.

the clock struck twelve in the morning the minute the door slammed behind you, and without saying a word you trudged upstairs with a sigh and slammed your bedroom door. it felt childish, but that’s what this whole thing was.

you were throwing a fit that he wasn’t even acknowledging you unless he had to, yet you didn’t even know if you fully wanted him in the way you thought you did. the thought of having a companion, in this hypothetical situation let it be joel, and having someone that close to you again scared the shit out of you.

you’ve always had commitment issues. always had a fear that you’d duck and run before something bad could happen between the two of you. some people call it self sabotage.

you threw all of your gear sloppily in the closet that was on the same wall as your door and rummaged through the suitcase to grab a pair of panties and a shirt. you needed a shower, and you were desperate to just lay your clean head against a pillow and black out. you couldn’t bring yourself to think of joel anymore, and as you mindlessly walked to the bathroom that was on the second floor you heard the door to the bathroom open.

unfortunately, it opened right as you were grabbing the knob and before getting the chance to look up at the familiar scented man after the door swung open, the hand that gripped his towel around his waist unclenched.

you didn’t know if it was your surprising appearance that caught him off guard, or the fact that he didn’t expect anyone to be there in general, but he stilled and his hand involuntarily flexed, dropping the plush towel from his hips. joel felt the breeze before he even realized his fingers let it slip, but still kept his eyes on you.

you were staring. you knew you were staring, of course you knew you were staring, but you couldn’t give a shit. he was hard. you saw the throbbing immediately, the way it jerked and hit his abdomen when the towel dropped, how disgustingly big he was compared to anything you’ve seen. realistically as you practically drooled over his cock, you thought it was eight inches max, but the girth somehow made it look more swollen, more to take.

if you were any other random woman he was housing for the time being, he would’ve immediately picked up the towel to cover and excuse himself as he scurried embarrassingly to his room. if you had been any other woman that had tried to throw advances at him and purposely tried to see him in the shower, he would’ve hated the look you were giving him.

he wanted to hate it even more because it was you, but fuck do you look so sexy and you made him feel sexy. it wasn’t often he felt desired since he was an older man, and now that you’ve given him a lick of it, he was addicted to how you were put into an immediate trance. you were looking at all of him in all of his glory. and with your help. joel had been jacking off in the shower before he got out, stroking his angry tip to the thought of putting it between your lips.

he was going to allow himself to indulge just that one time. he promised himself. but he wasn’t a good person. he wasn’t a good, honest man. he was a liar, and a sweet talker, someone who knew the power of persuasion. he could have you if he wanted to, could’ve had you on your knees in the shower for him while he rubbed a thumb over your cheek.

he knew what he was capable and yet, he settled for fucking his hand thinking of your cunt. but the good man in him, the honest man in him was pleading to escape. plotting his escape.

you couldn’t stop gawking at his cock. it was peppered with long veins, one specific one trailing down from the tip to the base of his cock, and you could actually see the precum dripping down his angry, throbbing tip.

to him, you stared as if he was the last man on earth. and he enjoyed the attention so much he wanted to show you just exactly how much he appreciated the way you desired him.

it took self restraint from dropping to your knees right now, to feel his tip hit the back of your throat so he can shove his way into the tight walls of your throat. you imagined the noises he made, how he would talk to you, how he’d praise you. you craved it now.

you were in awe, maybe even a little scared. all of your fantasies and imaginations finally had something to base off of, and now that you saw how girthy and long he was, you were intimidated. there’s no way he’s that big. god, he’s almost 60!

finally, after what seemed like an hour but really was just a minute or two, you closed your eyes shut and cringed at how you must’ve looked, how obvious you liked seeing him like this. and how smug joel must look with how easy it is to get you to surrender yourself to him.

you memorized the way he looked though. the dark curls that gathered at the base of his cock, trailing up to his stomach before thinning out right below his belly button and the little straight line of sparse hair trailing up his stomach a bit. the way his thighs looked so thick and strong, perfect for you to take a seat if you wanted because you’d have no doubt about not hurting him with your weight, the way his rough hands clenched into fists at his sides and the way his stomach wasn’t the most toned but was firm and still wet, tan.

you knew if there was any chance of being able to actually sleep with the man, it'd take some finessing to fit all of him in any of your holes. but even though the size was intimidating, you could just tell that the stretch he'd provide sliding inside of you would be everything you've ever wanted.

you wanted to feel his body under your fingers while you sunk onto him, watching him watch you. you needed him, and you couldn’t fucking understand why this desire and urge was coming out now. to feel so strongly about him that it frustrated you to tears, it was morbid because this was based on pure attraction.

he didn't know you, you didn't know him. not really.

you were inching closer and closer to your downfall with every look over of his body. but he was loving it.

“i’m, god, i’m sorry, i was just—shower, i needed to, wash uh,” you breathed as you opened your eyes again and looked away as he grabbed the towel from the ground. “just, you know. get clean, wash certain uhh–areas, and stuff.”

joel was thoroughly amused. you actually managed to shift your eyes around to see that he was fully covered again and he was in fact grinning smugly at you. you’d never seen joel express any other emotion other than negative, and it sent heavy fluttering to your core and throughout the tendons of your thighs.

“‘s all good, honey,” his voice was hoarse, raspy and god did it make the slickness start to run down your cunt and into your panties. “go ahead,”

joel slide between you and the door frame, breathing you in without shame and letting you feel him graze the cloth covered throbbing length against you, smiling to himself at your body’s reaction.

you quickly shut the door without looking at him again, releasing a long breath that you had been holding. again. you were angry because he knew exactly what he was doing. he was torturing you, and took all the pleasure of doing so.

joel actually expected you to fold right there, in front of him while he was hard all because of you. he expected you to break and ask him why he’d been ignoring you, again, and tell him how you want him. he honestly expected more than just a stare from you, he couldn’t read your face exactly so he couldn’t tell if you enjoyed the view or not.

but after your babbling and messing your words up, he knew it wouldn’t take much more to break you. suddenly, the urge to stay away from you so he wouldn’t bring harm to your life was overpowered by the urge to ruin you in every way possible all in one day. he wanted to see your hard shell crack because of him, before you cracked his.

because whether joel wanted to admit it or not, he met his match with you. and god, he wanted to prove to you that maybe you weren’t as strong as you seemed. his sick, twisted mind wanted to see you crying for him, begging him, pleading for him to make you feel good. he wanted to see you break for him, he wanted to be the only one to see you fucked out for him. he accepted the fact that being away from you and not being able to touch you as he pleased wasn't going to last any longer.

he was just waiting for the right moment.

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mariatesstruther · 1 year ago

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Do you think Maria and Tess would immediately get along, or would it be a process to become friendly? Not due to woman vs woman bullshit but due to both having overly protective natures and Maria being (rightfully) hesitant/suspicious around Joel at first for his past actions that Tess has been his partner in all ways in?

yes! very much so! (full disclosure i have only watched gameplay of tlou and tlou2 and it was a while ago so im gonna be show specific here): i think if tess survived and made it to jackson to meet maria as she was in the show, it would be extremely tense—but still definitely smoother than it was in the show because of how much better tess is with people than joel.

her and maria would essentially be in opposing positions. maria would be protective of tommy and tommy first and tommy’s trauma first because that’s her mf husband, her partner, her everything (and i know most people assume from what is said in the show that tommy has only been in jackson for maybe a year or shorter or since he stopped contacting joel—i actually suspect he stopped contacting joel because/after he found out maria was pregnant. it makes communicating over the radio way more of a pressing risk. considering tommy and maria are MARRIED and she’s already months along, id think they would have been partners for a few years, if not at least half a decade. that’s a long mf time in the world they live in, even in the place as nice as jackson. so yeah maybe her and tommy haven’t been through quite as much as joel as tess, but they’ve definitely been through a lot and enough—so much so that they got married and are excited to raise children together. they’re a team).

and of course, tess would be protective of joel and joel first and joel’s trauma first because that’s her mf husband, her partner, her sub, her everything. she’d be pissed at tommy for leaving joel and then even more pissed at him for not radioing, mostly because it puts her partner in distress.

i do however think tess would be less combative with maria and more just cautious, because i do think she’d be objective enough to understand why maria feels what she feels. she’s heard how people talk about her and joel around the QZ, and she knows how threatening and dangerous they seem: it’s literally by design. she’d probably think maria would be an idiot to not be cautious of her and joel, honestly. i don’t think she’d be offended by it, moreso impressed.

i also think maria would’ve been far less cautious of joel had tess been there, because let’s be real—those two situations would look very objectively different to maria in terms of ellie’s safety, which is what she was concerned about in the first place.

and furthermore, i think maria would hear enough stories about tommy’s time with joel and tess to understand where tess is coming from, as a woman who also needs to do what she’s gotta do to survive. i think they’d see a lot of themselves in the other woman in almost an instant

so ultimately, there’d always be respect between them

also, i know i just mentioned them but @hypnotisedfireflies wrote a chapter of The Ensemble (so sorry im unable to link rn!) that i think covers this dynamic beautifully, based off a prompt i wrote to them on anon because i was too shy to tell them how amazing drifters is and didnt have this blog yet 🤪 i really recommend it to anyone wanting more maria and tess!!

#thank u so much for this i love talking about these two!!!!!!! must must must write something up #tess x maria #anon #jen talks #i also think theyd fall in love eventually #but ive talked enough #asked and answered

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fandom-imagination-ss · 2 years ago

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Imagine: trying on a shirt that is too tight and getting stuck in it and Joel insists on helping you out of it

It was stupid, you knew it was stupid but walking inside a mall on full alert while your search party that involved joel, Elle, Tommy , Maria and you.

You have know Tommy, and Maria for a while you lived in the compound with them. Maria once upon a time was your brother girlfriend, back when planes were in the air. And wifi existed. Tommy introduced you to his brother and Elle. Not his daughter but basically is his daughter. In your former life you hated shopping, the mirrors in the change room that always made you look ten pounds heavier,the blinding light in the room the sales people who were cheerful and honestly other too honest with how you looked or faked liked whatever you tired on and always feelings rushed and pressured, the entire experience you loathed so much so that it was one you don’t miss. You don’t miss shopping.

Joel was in lead leading the party as you were in the back. Tommy stuck close to his pregnant wife while Elle was in the middle. It was Maria who suggested to go into a cloth store to gather some supplies. Which Joel instantly started to disagree but you backed up your friend.

H&M, a clothing store before the world ended you wouldn’t of bothered shopping at. You were to big, for their cloths. They did hav e “plus size” clothing but you never got to try them on, you heard mixed review and honestly you figured you had time to test them out. Eventually. Which never happened. The only plus side to the world ending was you lost weight. Which good for your health. But also you lost weight but starving, and rebuilding over and over again it wasn’t a health way to lose the weight. But now you could easily fit. without any hassle.

Going inside you searched some racks Not seeing much you would really enjoy. but then Maria came over with a black dress.

"what do you think about this/"

lookign at the black dress, it was a bodycon dress. which you never were a fan of. so you rolled your shoulders. "it looks great, but wouldn't that hurt the baby."

"For you!"

"Me?"

before you knew it. you were being shoved into a changing room, being told to try it on. Joel watched the entire scene. he thought it was stupid that you would Not only try on cloths. but a Black dress. in what possible function at the compound could you possibly need a dress? he was annoyed until he noticed your reaction. your horrifed and disgusted look on your face you were annoyed you were wasting time with this. you wanted to just grab cloths and go. but Maria had other plans. Tommy took elle to find cloths for her. as Joel waited near the changing rooms while Maria went to find more cloths.

joel could hear you grunting and cursing softly to yourself before calling out, 'Mar you there? I need help.'

"she's with Tommy and Elle.. what you need help with?" Joel's mind went to you simply wanting advice on the dress. he wasn't expecting you to pop your head out of the changing room to look at him, "is- ugh.. can you get her?"

"why what's wrong?"

you sighed heavily, the last thing you wanted to confess or Say out loud to Joel who you have found annoying and handsome since meeting him. that you were stuck in the dress. you couldn't get it off.

"I'm just- having a Dress problem. and need help.." Joel shifted his rife over his shoulder as he stepped over to you as he spoke, 'what is it? let me help."

you sighed nodding your head, 'Fine- the dress is stuck and I can't get it off." without hesitation. Joel pulled out his knife from his pocket. walking over to you, you turned your back you couldn't believe you had to call in for help which was embrassing enough but to have Joel swoop in and he's eyes looked darker then normal. he gripped your shoudler softly as he told you not to move as he sliced the dress from the zipper in a swift motion down to your hips. you gasped once feeling your chest wasn't compressed anymore.

"Better?" Joel asked low as you held the dress up covering your front, "yea.. tahnks Joel."

joel being a gentlemen ked out leaving you to cahnge as Tommy walked over with Maria as Tommy spoke, "you looked far to happy walking over to Y/n with a knife."

"she needed help- where is Elle?"

"Getting Y/N a dress to try on." she came back with a Red Dress it wasn't as tight as the last one but Joel couldn't help but picture you wearing it. you walked out moment slater back in your normal cloths. as you spoke, "lets go."

Elle handed you the dress as you checked the size. it was bigger then the last one as you spoke 'thanks Elle.. i'll try it on at home.'

"why not here so if it doesn't fit we can get a bigger size.'

you hated that logic as you cursed softly going back inside the change room. this time when you came out you spoke, 'okay is everyone happy? can i go back into my pants and boots?"

Maria didn't look at you. she looked at Joels' reaction. she watched as Joel. gulped. he held hsi breath watchin you do a quick spin before going back into the change room as she nudged Tommy's arm who looked down at his bride as she nudged her head to Joel as Tommy smiled brightly. "

"Y/N, you and joel will have to go out when we get back. a Dress like that deserves to be seen. and worn."

you came out a few moments later stuffing the dress into your bag, 'you asking Me out for Joel?"

Tommy just chuckled as Joel convinced everyone to move on. you walked to a jewerly store grabbing a gold chain as Joel looked at you stunned as you spoke, 'Shut up.'

later getting back to the compound you sat at the table eating and reading your new book you just got from the mall. when Joel sat down across from you. "Tommy's right.. that dress deserves to be seen."

"So your asking me out now? two Millers in one day. should be a world record." he chuckled as he spoke, "look i haven't done this in a while.. do you want to?'

smiling brightly you nodded your head happily agreeing for a date.

#joel miller #joel miller imagine #tommy miller #tommy miller imagine #maria miller #elle #the last of us #the last of us imagine #tlou #tlou imagine

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justagalwhowrites · 1 year ago

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KIT KIT KIT !! NEW IN TOWN !! perfection ! thank you! i feel like i’m the world of joel angst (which i’m a sucker for) this was a slice of heaven! Thank you and where can i get a man like that asap!

HOWEVER! I NEED MORE!

I need to see their first days living together, their marriage bliss, honeymoon, i need it all!

Also interested to see if more kids come into the picture? in the fic joel says that he’s not into having more kids at one point near the start so i’d be curious to see if he’ll change his mind or if him and Beautiful will just live a happily ever after together travelling and fooling around? I honestly don’t mind which way but it would be cute seeing a more mature joel with a baby and a partner to share responsibilities with! ahhhh

OMG Hi Bestie!!

Thank you so so much!!! I know, the men written by women just hit different lol I feel like we should send some fan fic excerpts to real life men and be like "just copy + paste this and you'll find women."

I totally hear that you need more! There's actually going to be a one shot featuring these two coming soon. Very very soon. Like... real soon!

There might be a short sequel series about them in a few months, one that features the wedding and whatnot. I think it would be fun to explore, especially because of Beautiful's family history and how weddings can really bring a lot of feelings around that to the fore.

Full disclosure, when developing this pairing, I never intended for them to have children. I think Joel is happy with having Sarah as his only child and Beautiful likes the freedom that being childless provides. She's very focused on her career and living her best life - and as she rises through the ranks at her agency, she'll make even better money so they'll be able to afford to travel and have a lot of really cool experiences together. But when Sarah has kids, I imagine they'll both be VERY hands on (though there'll be a lot of confusion about wtf the kid will call beautiful lmfao Auntie? Grandma? Auntie Grandma????)

THAT BEING SAID I already have another request about seeing them pregnant so I will probably do a non-canon/AU kind of thing where they do have a baby because 1) I think it'll be fun and 2) I know it'll make some folks super happy :) But canon, they're going to be a childfree couple and get in all the baby snuggles with Tommy and Maria's kiddo and Sarah's eventually kiddos.

Thank you so so much for reading!! Love you!!

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #kit answers #send asks #new in town

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boopernatural · 1 year ago

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67. If a fic was titled [insert made up title], what would this story be about/how would you write it?

Made up name: things we give up for love

This tittle is so good I can't believe I made it myself pls💅

"things we give up for love"

a Tommy/Maria centric story about her coming to terms with Joel's presence in Jackson, despite her fear for Tommy's mental health and safety at times. Maria trying her best to open up to him, but Joel not making it particularly easy as he and Ellie navigate their tricky relationship following the lie and SLC.

Things come to a head when she catches Joel and Tommy arguing about something- she's only getting the tail end, and she jumps in to defend her husband, who quickly pulls her very pregnant self away from the volatile fight.

He thanks her, but tells her to go home. She leaves, feeling a little like he's chosen Joel over her, even though they were fighting.

later that night he gets home, crawling into bed beside her as she lays wide awake. he kisses her goodnight, thinking everything's fine, but it festers and she blows up.

"you're the one who told me you're more terrified of him than anyone else in the world"

"you're the one who told me he didn't seem like a person anymore"

"you're the one who told me you weren't sure if you could ever trust him around our family"

"you're the one who told me you were happy he wasn't here, that he wasn't your brother anymore"

tommy concedes she's right, it's honestly his fault she's got this wariness of joel, and rightfully so. at the time, he'd meant everything. but things have changed. joel has changed.

maria has to accept that joel is in tommy's life and isn't going anywhere, especially for ellie's sake. this is the man she's chosen to be with, and joel is her family by extension.

tommy has to accept that he's created a rift between his wife and brother, and he needs to help them bridge the gap.

joel needs to accept that he'd be fucking dead without maria, and he needs to do better to earn her trust

too on the nose?

#asks #fic game ask #itd be a character study for sure #thanks for sending this!

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althaiareads · 2 years ago

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“Talk about ruffling some feathers, huh?”

Jsjsjsjsj. Ngl, that made me laugh.

At this point, you had pretty much lost track of the number times you’d been asked about Luke.

Fuck, I feel so bad for her. She doesn't deserve the hell she's going through. What do you do when the person that's a monster for you is a hero for everyone else?

If you went and told Tommy and Maria about everything that he’d done to you over the last two years, then you’d risk getting Luke thrown out and exiled from the settlement. What would that mean for the people in the community who fell ill or who became injured and needed a trained physician?

Man, this. And with Maria pregnant shit is even more difficult. Her pregnancy is a high risk one, she needs a trained medical professional. However, reader also needs to feel safe in her own home.

I hate the place she's in. Does she really want to be the person that is going to keep people from having quality medical attention? Imagine they kick him out, because an asshole like that deserves it, then Maria has trouble with her pregnancy, what then? Who's gonna deal with that?

I am not saying that she should keep quiet, but that's just an awful position to be put in. I wouldn't know what to do. Fuck Luke, honestly, I will kill him with my bare hands if I have to.

“Ellie is the most important thing in the world to me.” (...) “All I want is to do right by her. After everythin’ that she’s been through, I just want her to finally be happy.”

I love that he's able to say it out loud. Talk about healing.

“Now, is that really how a loving wife should greet her husband?” Luke laughed, holding you closer against his side.

Just let me at him. Fist fight, let's be fair. Please.

And oh, the abuser urge to make fun of and diminish your partner in public settings, a.k.a. trash talk them with other people.

“Her husband just showed up to the damn party. You’re lucky that it was me who saw you out there with her and not him. What if he’d seen you two? Then what?”

Oh, damn, he saw them, didn't he? I am so scared for her safety now.

a safe haven | chapter three (j. miller)

series masterlist | previous chapter

summary: You and Joel get to know each other better and the two of you share a private moment out behind the barn under the stars; an unexpected guest shows up to the party; Tommy gives Joel a second and final warning about you.

pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader, Ellie Williams x Platonic Female Reader

warnings/tags 🏷️ 18+ only, minors dni. (TW) more hints at a strained/abusive marriage, implication of domestic violence; reader and Joel yearning for each other, mostly soft Joel, hints of jealous and protective Joel here and there. **canon storyline deviation, Maria has only now just discovered she’s pregnant.

word count 6.2k

a/n 📝 welp, here is the next installment! there's not much to say except that I love every single damn trope I am throwing into this series and I am not even remotely close to being sorry for mixing them all together lmao. also the first half might be a bit slow but these details and reader’s interactions with Maria and Tommy are going to play an important role later on, which is why I included this scene. comments and reblogs are always very much appreciated and welcome, thank you for your sweet reading time!

Shall I stay

would it be a sin

if I can't help falling in love with you

About an hour later, after tossing back about three or four bottles of Seth’s crappy beer, you’d started feeling a lot livelier, and more like yourself. It was a glass of his delicious, oak barrel aged whiskey that you’d wanted more than anything, but with Esther over at the bar openly flirting up a storm with Joel Miller, you pushed down the desire and settled for the bitter, sour lager instead.

It tasted god awful, but it did the job well enough; the best part was that the bottles of beer were all readily available in coolers all around the barn, and you didn’t need to go up to the bar to get one. The last thing that you’d wanted was to find out what was going on between Esther and Joel.

Whether or not she would succeed in getting him into her bed tonight, you didn’t want to know that either. Not if you could help it.

“And the next thing you know, poor John is being chased all around the chicken coop by a bunch of broody hens!” Martha finished her story, throwing her hands up in the air. “God, I wish I would’ve had a camcorder in hand! The funniest thing I ever did see in almost two damn decades.”

Everyone sitting around the table burst into a fit of loud, hearty laughter.

“Oh okay, so that would explain why there weren’t all that many eggs in stock at the market the other morning,” You joked, only fueling the commotion.

John glared at you, and you shrugged innocently, fighting back another laugh. Six foot two with big, broad shoulders and arms, you found it both very difficult and amusing to picture the blonde haired, green eyed man being chased around by a flock of pissed off chickens.

“I’d really like to see any of you guys try and take a broody hen’s eggs away from her with ease!” John huffed out before taking a gulp of his beer. He was red in the face, and it was hard to tell if it was from the alcohol or the embarrassment. “Assholes.”

Martha leaned over, whispering, “See? I told you it would make him mad.”

You giggled, lightly shaking your head at her. “Talk about ruffling some feathers, huh?”

She snorted into her plate, jabbing her elbow into your side. “Let’s stop before he really gets all riled up or else we’re going to get an earful.”

“Oh come on, John. Lighten up,” You grinned over at him from across the table. “I know what’ll make you feel better. You guys want to hear a really, and I mean really embarrassing story?” You paused for a second or two, just long enough for everyone to nod eagerly. “Let me tell you about what Stella did to me the other day in her stall when I tried to take her temperature, it was absolutely awful—”

“Sorry to interrupt you folks, but do you all mind if we steal this sweet little lady here for just a minute or two?” The sound of Tommy’s smooth and deep voice caused you to stop abruptly and glance over your shoulder only to see him approaching you; he was closely followed by Maria, who had traded her usual patrol duty attire for a light blue denim dress that sat off of her shoulders, the skirt falling to her knees.

Her white cowboy hat matched her husband’s.

“C’mon, Miller! She was just about to tell a story!”

Tommy chuckled, shaking his head. “I promise we won’t keep her too long, alright?”

You immediately noticed he was holding a drink in each hand, each glass filled almost to the top with a rich and bold, amber colored substance over ice; the only reason that you’d immediately known one of the two drinks was meant for you was because Maria had just found out that she was pregnant. It was still a secret that very few people knew about, but the minute she confirmed it with a pregnancy test, she’d come running to your door to tell you. It was the reason she was avoiding booze and held a glass bottle of lemonade in her hand instead.

“Excuse me,” You nodded politely to the group of friends you’d been sitting with and stood up from the table. You followed Tommy and Maria over to a far corner of the barn where the three of you could talk somewhat privately. Accepting the drink from Tommy, you offered him a wide and grateful smile, happy that you’d gotten the drink you had wanted after all. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” He nodded and tipped the brim of his hat to you in his typical, gentleman like manner.

He’d never lost an ounce of those Texas manners.

Maria looped her arm through his. “Well, it looks like tonight was a real success,” she stated as she glanced around the room, her pride written clearly across her face. “Wouldn’t you say so?”

“Absolutely,” You agreed without missing a single beat. You smiled again and lifted your glass to the couple as you toasted, “Another year and another success. Here’s to many, many more to come.”

“Cheers to that,” Tommy grinned and lifted up his glass, clinking the rim of it to yours before taking a generous drink, draining almost all of it at once in a single gulp. “Thanks for stoppin’ by earlier and helpin’ set the place up, by the way. We appreciate it.”

You waved your free hand at him. “Oh, no need to thank me at all. You already know that I was more than happy to help out,” You told him as you took a careful sip of whiskey; the hard liquor burned its way down your throat in the sweetest way. Taking another sip, you turned to look at Maria, unable to help yourself from admiring her gorgeous, natural glow. “How are you feeling?”

“Not too bad,” Maria replied with a smile, placing her free hand over her flat stomach. At only a few weeks along, she still hadn’t begun to show. “Just a little bit of morning sickness here and there, but so far, so good.” She paused and leaned her body into Tommy. “I never thought I’d be having a baby in my forties,” she mused with a laugh. “I thought that train had left the station a long time ago. But I guess life had something else planned for me.”

“For us,” Tommy corrected, playfully nudging her.

“For us,” Maria echoed, giving him a loving kiss on his cheek. “Luke calls it a geriatric pregnancy, and he told me I’m automatically considered high risk, due to my age. But we’re hoping it’ll go smoothly.”

You could detect the genuine concern behind her optimistic smile and reached out, gently touching her arm. “I’m sure it will all turn out fine. You just have to make sure that you’re taking good care of yourself and getting plenty of rest.” You pointed a finger at her, wagging it back and forth. “So, that means no more patrol duties for you, Mrs. Miller.”

“Oh I know,” she laughed again. “I’m on light work duties starting next week and in a few months, it’ll be strict bed rest for me. At least that’s what Luke recommended, but I’m hoping to stay on my feet for a little bit longer than that.” She paused, tilting her head curiously at you. “Speaking of Luke, is he around? We haven’t seen him at all tonight.”

You gripped your glass tightly, the corners of your mouth threatening to turn downward, but you still held your smile well enough.

At this point, you had pretty much lost track of the number times you’d been asked about Luke.

Where is he? Why isn’t he here with you? Do you think there’s a chance he’ll show up tonight? Can you go home and convince him to join us?

You just about loathed the way he was considered to be a hero in Jackson. The way that every single damn person in the community adored the man to pieces made you sick to your stomach—Luke was anything but a hero, but nobody knew that. Not a soul knew the real him, the monster that emerged behind closed doors when no one was around.

There had been an occasion or two where you had considered going to Tommy and Maria about it; to tell them all about the horrors that went on within the four walls of your home. But even when they’d point out a bruise on your arm or a scrape on your cheek, you would lose the courage and chalk it up to a clumsy accident or injuries sustained while on the job—hell, just a few months ago, you’d blamed an injured shoulder on Ranger, telling Tommy that his stallion had accidentally kicked you during one of your routine examinations. You wanted nothing more than to tell him that it hadn’t been his horse who put you in a sling for three weeks, it had been Luke. But how the hell could you do that?

Luke was the commune’s doctor. Besides the two older nurses who worked in the clinic with him, he was the only medically trained professional, and it often dawned on you that Jackson really did need him. If you went and told Tommy and Maria about everything that he’d done to you over the last two years, then you’d risk getting Luke thrown out and exiled from the settlement. What would that mean for the people in the community who fell ill or who became injured and needed a trained physician?

Maybe he wasn’t a hero to you, but to everybody else, he was. People could die without him and his medical knowledge. Hell, Maria would need Luke now more than ever now that she was pregnant.

For as much as you wanted to tell them the truth about him, you just couldn’t find the guts to do it, not when the decision would impact every single person in Jackson. It would be too selfish.

So, you’d kept quiet. And you continued to just let it happen because what else could you do?

Nothing.

There wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it.

Tommy said your name, snapping you back out of your thoughts. “Hey, you alright?” he asked you as he gingerly touched your shoulder. “You zoned out on us for a minute there.”

You blinked. “Yeah sorry, I’m alright. Luke decided to stay at home and get some rest,” You replied as you shifted awkwardly from boot to boot, feeling a sudden heat flood your face. “He’s been working a lot of hours at the clinic and making house calls as well, so he’s just been really tired, you know?”

“Oh, well that’s too bad,” Maria frowned. “Tommy and I were hoping we could say this to the both of you together, but I suppose you’ll have to give him the message on our behalf when you get home to him later tonight.”

You shot her a puzzled look. “What is it?”

“We know we don’t say this as often as we should, but you and Luke do so much for us,” Tommy said, a sincere gratitude dripping from his tone. “We’re damn lucky to have the two of you in Jackson. Me and Maria, and everyone in this community, we’re all deeply indebted to both of you for all you do.”

You stared at him, almost blankly. “Everyone here works very hard, Tommy—”

“Now I ain’t saying they don’t,” he interrupted you, holding up his hand. “But let’s be honest. Luke, he takes good care of all of our people, you take good care of all of our horses—people and horses, that’s what keeps this place goin’ and you know it just as well as we do. Without the both of you lookin’ after our two most important resources, I ain’t too sure where the hell this place would be.”

Maria nodded in agreement with her husband and squeezed his arm. “Oh don’t be so modest,” she’d remarked as soon as she saw the expression that crossed your face. “He’s right. And we need you to know how much we appreciate everything the two of you do for this community.”

Tommy grinned, raising his glass in a toast. “To you and Luke.”

Stomach turning, you flashed them your very best smile and lifted your own glass, clinking it against his and then to Maria’s bottle of lemonade. “Well, I will certainly give him the kind message.” You took a quick sip of your drink, an overwhelming feeling suddenly washing over you; the room felt hot, like it had been lit on fire. “It’s starting to feel warm in here. I’m going to go outside for a minute to get a bit of fresh air. Excuse me.”

Before either of could utter another single word to you, you spun around on your heel and made your way across the barn towards the exit. Even as you hurried out, you’d caught sight of Ellie sitting with Dina at one of the tables, digging into her plate full of barbecue; Dina had leaned over and whispered something into Ellie’s ear and Ellie let out a cackle through a mouthful of food.

Despite everything, you couldn’t help but smile an actual, genuine smile this time around.

At least Ellie seemed to be having a good time.

That was more than enough for you.

Joel took a glimpse over Esther’s shoulder.

His eyebrows pulled together in a mixture of both confusion and concern as he watched you hastily leave the barn alone with a drink clutched in your hand and a strange expression on your face. You’d almost seemed upset.

The blonde in front of him had been going on and on about where she was from, although he hadn’t quite been listening to her the entire time she had been talking—or at all. Had Esther said Vermont?

Or maybe it had been Virginia?

Joel wasn’t all too sure, but he didn’t care enough to ask her to clarify. Besides, his thoughts were far too busy preoccupied with someone else.

Someone he needed to make sure was alright.

“Listen, it’s been real nice talkin’ to you,” he stated as he offered the woman the best, and most polite smile he could possibly muster up for her. He tried to ignore the awkward way she’d pouted at him, a sad, disappointed look flashing in her eyes. “I have to go and take care of somethin’ for a minute. Will you excuse me?”

He didn’t even give Esther the chance to respond. Setting his drink down on the counter, he gave her a quick nod goodbye and stepped around her. He started towards the barn’s exit, but before leaving, he tossed a quick glance in Ellie’s direction just to make sure she’d been doing okay without him. He had been keeping a close and watchful eye on her from the bar the entire time; after a while, it soon became apparent to Joel that Ellie had been doing just fine. She was scarfing down another helping of bison and potatoes, grinning from ear to ear as she talked with Dina, who seemed to be enjoying her company.

He couldn’t have been more relieved at the sight.

Joel stepped outside into the night, doing his best to be as subtle as he could possibly be as he took a look around, searching for you among the small, scattered groups of people who stood mingling, a buzz of chatter filling the air. You were nowhere to be found; his dark brown eyes fell to the ground.

He noticed a long trail of footprints left behind by what had to be a pair of cowboy boots, similar to the brown ones you’d been wearing. The odd way that they veered off in a random direction far away from the rest of the crowd tipped Joel off almost a bit too easily, letting him know they had belonged to you. Without even giving it another thought, he had started to follow them—the tracks led him all the way around to the back of the barn.

That is where Joel found you, leaning against the wooden, paddock fence. You were turned around with your back to him, your head tilted upwards.

Your gaze seemed to be lost somewhere up in the velvet, purple night skies and you were swaying to the pretty country melody that could still be heard coming from inside the barn. Your movement was so subtle, so soft that Joel would have missed it if he’d blinked.

Turn around, a sound voice in the back of his mind tried to reason with him. Go go back inside.

He ignored it, his legs moving forward to close the distance between the two of you.

The sound of his own boots crunching on several rocks mixed in with the dirt as he drew closer and closer to you caused you to jump slightly. You let out a tiny gasp and whirled around, your free hand flying to your chest.

“I’m sorry,” Joel hastily apologized to you, holding up both his hands to show that he wasn’t a threat. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Joel?” You were surprised to see him. “What are you doing out here?”

The area out behind the barn was just as dark as it was secluded; however, the moon that night was a full one, big and bright. It’s silver glow illuminated each and every single one of your features in such a beautiful way that it made his throat go dry, just like it had earlier that evening when he’d first seen you in that little white dress.

“Well ain’t that funny. I was actually just about to ask you the same exact question.” He fell into step beside you, leaning back against the fence. “What are you doin’ out here all by your lonesome?”

“Oh I just needed some fresh air is all,” You replied with a small, light shrug. You turned back around, leaning your forearms on top of the wooden fence, both hands wrapped around your glass of whiskey firmly. You’d been standing so closely to Joel that your shoulder touched his, though neither of you made a move to put space in between the two of you. “What’s your excuse?”

“Needed a breather from Esther,” he confessed. It was partially the truth. He couldn’t tell you he had really come outside to check on you.

“What do you mean? Didn’t you like her?”

“Don’t get me wrong, she’s nice and all,” Joel said, letting out a chuckle. He shook his head. “She just ain’t the kind of company I’m lookin’ for tonight.” He paused for just a brief second and crossed his arms over his chest, his sudden change in position causing his shoulder to press even closer against your own. “Tommy mentioned her to me when we were havin’ lunch together yesterday. He said he’d be willin’ to set us up, but I didn’t think his stupid ass would actually follow through with it.”

Confused, your lips parted ever so slightly.

Joel had already known about Esther?

“I’d told him I wasn’t interested in meetin’ her, but Tommy’s always had a real habit of not listenin’ to me,” he remarked, shaking his head once again.

The question had escaped you before you could even think about trying to stop it. “Why aren’t you interested?” You cleared your throat and added in the most nonchalant tone, “Esther is gorgeous.”

“Like I told you. She just ain’t the kind of company I’m lookin’ for tonight.”

“So what kind of company are you looking for?”

Joel hesitated, but answered honestly. “Yours.”

“Oh,” You breathed out, heart skipping a beat.

He tested the waters. “That alright to say?”

“Mhm,” was all you’d been able to utter. You were currently fighting to take a steady, even breath.

“You know, when I was on my way out here, I saw Ellie and Dina together,” Joel finally spoke up after a minute or two. “She honestly seems to be havin’ a real good time with her.” He nudged you with his shoulder, a hint of amusement in his voice as he’d turned to you and asked, “Now tell me why I have this strange little feelin’ that you had somethin’ to do with that?”

Your deep blush prompted his grin. You’d just been caught red handed.

“Okay, I may or may not have talked to Dina earlier today while we were setting up the barn. I asked if she could do me a favor and at least try and talk to Ellie tonight,” You admitted, sheepishly. “I told her about how much Ellie reminds me of her, and how I thought they would get a long.” You felt his dark eyes fixed intently on you, and you blushed again as you continued to explain yourself to him. It had only just occurred to you that perhaps you should have ran the idea by Joel; he was her guardian and the last thing you’d wanted was to cross any kind of boundary. “It took a little convincing. Dina can still be quite shy sometimes but she’s a good girl, I promise.”

Joel raised an eyebrow at you, letting his arms fall down to his sides. “Really? You did that?”

“Yeah. I did.” You nervously took a long sip of your whiskey before adding, “I hope that’s okay?”

“I really appreciate you doin’ that for Ellie.” Joel’s soft gaze met yours, the sincerity swimming in his eyes. “I appreciate everythin’ that you’ve done for her. It means a lot to me, more than I can probably even explain.”

“I can tell how important she is to you.”

Joel nodded. “Ellie is the most important thing in the world to me.” He stopped, releasing a long and heavy sigh. “She’s been through a whole lot, a hell of a lot more than anyone that age should have to go through.” He stopped momentarily and tried to keep his emotions in check. He swallowed harshly, and subconsciously leaned closer towards you as he dove in a little deeper. “Ellie, she ain’t my blood but she’s my daughter. For a long time, I thought I couldn’t take care of her and I thought that I didn’t have what it takes to protect her.”

“And what about now?”

“Now that we’re here, I feel real different about it all. I finally feel like I can keep Ellie safe. I can give her the life she deserves,” Joel stated, sounding a bit relieved, almost like he had just now made the realization.

Pulling yourself back from the fence, you glanced up at him with a curious expression. There were a thousand questions running through your mind at the moment, about him and about Ellie.

“Ellie hasn’t told me all that much about what she has gone through—about what either of you have gone through.” You caught sight of the worry that flashed in his eyes and reassured him, “And I don’t plan on asking because it isn’t any of my business. But in the short time I’ve gotten to know Ellie, I’ve already seen it in her eyes, Joel. It’s all there.”

“What’s there?”

“Every bad thing that’s ever happened to her.”

Joel hung his head. “You see it too, huh?”

And just like that, he’d felt like a fucking failure all over again.

“I know that you’re worried about her, Joel. I don’t blame you, but you’re doing all that you can,” You reminded him, the kindness in your voice causing a warmth to radiate throughout his body. “You’re here in the community now and she’s safe. That’s what’s important—all the rest is going to fall right into place soon enough. Just give her a bit of time and don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”

Joel sighed again. “I just want what’s best for her, you know? Just like any normal parent would want for their kid.”

“And you are doing the best that you can, just like any normal parent would.” You reached out, gently placing your hand on his bare forearm. Your mere touch sent a tingle up his spine, and little did Joel know that the connection had sent one up yours too. “It’s easy to see how much you love her.”

“I do love her,” he murmured. It felt almost foreign for him to say it out loud. Of course he loved Ellie, and although he was pretty certain she knew that and she loved him too, those three specific words had never been exchanged between them and he had the feeling they never would be. “All I want is to do right by her. After everythin’ that she’s been through, I just want her to finally be happy.”

“That says a lot about the kind of person you are.”

Joel shook his head, biting back a scoff. He didn’t want you thinking that he was a good person. You would be horrified if you knew about all the blood that stained his hands, about all of the things he’d done in the last twenty years.

Your hand dropped from his arm, a lot sooner than either of you would have liked.

“So, what’s your story?” he asked, feeling a desire to switch the focus onto you in an effort to know a bit more about you. “How’d you end up in good ol’ Jackson, Wyoming?”

You took another sip of your drink. “Well, like I told you, I grew up in New Mexico on a horse ranch. It was me, my parents, and my little brother,” You’d started to explain. “After the outbreak happened, me and my family ended up in the Albuquerque QZ. We were there for quite some time, until there was a breach at one of the gates and the zone was overrun with infected.” You paused briefly as the memories came flooding back. “Me and my dad made it out, but my mom and my brother didn’t.”

Joel frowned. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked—”

“It’s okay,” You assured him with a nod. “After me and my dad made it out of the zone, we found this group of people. It wasn’t long before everyone started to get picked off one by one—by infected, clickers, raiders, and even slavers. Somehow, we’d survived all that but we found ourselves alone. We were starving, had no shelter, and winter was just around the corner. We honestly didn’t know what we were going to do, and even though neither me or my dad ever said it, we thought we were going to die. But then Tommy and his patrol group came across us one night. Once we proved that neither of us were infected, he brought us in.”

“You’ve been through a lot,” Joel stated. He would have never guessed.

You seemed so well put together.

“Haven’t we all?” You let out a humorless laugh.

A silence fell like a curtain over both of you, but it was comfortable.

Although it had been a warmer night, it was now much later into the evening and a breeze found its way through the settlement, whisking its cool and crisp fingers through your hair. It caused the white daisy you’d been wearing in it to fall and the flower fluttered to the ground, landing right in between Joel’s boots. Without giving it a second thought, he reached down and picked it up, being careful as he gingerly dusted the dirt off of the delicate petals. He turned to you, tucking the flower back behind your ear; as his hand fell away from you, his index finger accidentally grazed the soft skin of your cheek, causing every part of him to flood with the burning desire to feel more of you.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” he mumbled sheepishly.

“It’s quite alright,” You assured him. You couldn’t remember the last time someone’s mere touch caused your insides to feel like they’d just gone up in blazing flames. You had been feeling cold and empty and numb for so long, and while all of the things that Joel was making you feel had become almost foreign, they were reigniting that spark of life inside of you that you’d lost long ago—and it was real, not part of the phony act that you put on for the entire community.

From inside the barn, the two of you could hear the band begin to play their cover of ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’.

“Elvis, huh?” Joel mused, raising an impressed eyebrow.

You weren’t sure if the alcohol had suddenly just kicked into full gear in your system or whether you really did lack any kind of common sense, but you found yourself looking up at him shyly through your thick, dark eyelashes as you asked him, “How about another dance?”

“To this song?”

You flushed, tightly gripping your glass. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. It’s just that I really love to dance,” You sputtered out nervously, wishing you could teleport to another planet right about now. You only dug yourself further into the hole as you continued to ramble. “Luke doesn’t like to dance at all and he never dances with me—”

That’s all Joel had needed to hear.

He reached for your glass, taking it from you. He set it down on top of the fence and held his hand out to you.

“I’ll dance with you.”

Looking at him in surprise, you accepted his hand in yours. His other hand found your waist and you two began swaying along to the music, causing a smile that could light up the entire town to break out onto your face. Joel didn’t know Luke, but he couldn’t fathom how the man you were married to wouldn’t do just about anything to see that smile.

“Wait, I thought you couldn’t dance,” You teased, noticing the way he was leading you.

Joel shrugged, flashing you a grin. “Guess I ain’t so bad for fifty six with creaking knees.”

Remembering Ellie’s words from earlier, you threw your head back and laughed.

His stomach somersaulted over and over again in a tangle of want, nerves, desire, and jitters.

You being married did nothing to fucking stop it.

For either of you.

Not while you were in his arms.

Joel continued to lead you in the dance. He found himself singing along to the familiar lyrics, quietly, but just loud enough for you to hear the richness of his voice. “Like a river flows, surely to the sea,” he sang, subconsciously giving your hand a gentle squeeze in his. “Darlin’ so it goes, some things are meant to be.”

“Whoa,” You raised an eyebrow at him, looking and sounding impressed. “You’ve got a nice voice, Joel.”

“Think so?”

You nodded. “What, were you a singer in your first life or something?”

“Close.”

“Really? What did you do?”

“I was a contractor,” Joel replied, grinning as he elicited another sweet laugh from you. “I did enjoy singin’ a lot though and playin’ the guitar too. But it was a hobby more than anythin’ since I don’t think music would’ve paid the bills.”

You smiled up at him. “Well, now you’re going to have to play the guitar for me some time. Maybe even sing me a whole song?”

“I still owe Ellie a song,” he remembered, shaking his head. “But I don’t have a guitar, so it gets me out of it.”

“Well then we’re going to have to find you one and when we do, you’ll have to play something for us,” You told him. “Deal?”

“Deal.” Joel agreed. He started singing along to the lyrics again. “Take my hand, take my whole life too—”

“But I can’t help falling in love with you.” You tried not to laugh again at the shock on his face as you finished for him.

“You’ve got a real nice voice yourself.”

“Oh now you’re just being nice,” You accused him with another smile.

The song ended and neither of you made a move to let go of one another.

Joel’s eyes fell to your lips and it took every ounce of strength he had inside of him not to lean down and press his own lips against them.

Finally, he found it in himself to let go of you. He stepped back, clearing his throat. “I should, uh, I should go and find Ellie so I can get her home. It’s gettin’ kinda late.”

You nodded, your heart pounding inside of your chest. “Of course. I'll come with you so I can say goodnight to her.”

As the two of you made your way around the barn and back towards the entrance, Joel noticed a tall man with short dark hair approaching. He’d called out your name and something in Joel’s brain just instantly clicked—he knew exactly who the man was before you’d even had a chance to open your mouth.

“Luke?” You nearly squeaked out his name. “What are you doing here?”

“There you are. I was about to come out and look for you.” He came up and immediately took your arm, pulling you from Joel’s side and over to his.

Luke was a bit younger than Joel, definitely closer in age to Tommy—somewhere around his mid to late forties. He seemed to be a lot more clean cut than most of the other men in the commune with neatly kept hair and a near clean shaven face.

“What are you doing here?” You repeated.

“Now, is that really how a loving wife should greet her husband?” Luke laughed, holding you closer against his side.

Joel wasn’t all too fond of the way he held you.

Possessively.

“I decided to come and check it out. See what all the fuss is about,” Luke said. He glanced at Joel, his green eyes giving him a once over. “Don’t be rude, honey. Aren’t you going to introduce me to your new friend here?”

You spoke softly, almost too softly.

“Luke, this is Joel Miller.”

“Ah, Tommy’s brother, right?”

Joel did his best not too sound too curt. “That’s right.”

“Joel, this is Luke. He’s my husband.” You couldn’t even look him in the eye as you introduced him.

Luke extended a courteous hand. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Joel.” His other hand found and took yours. “I do hope that my wife here hasn’t been bothering you tonight. She can be quite the little chatterbox. Makes me wish she came with a mute button sometimes.”

Joel’s dark eyes briefly fell to Luke’s hand holding yours, taking note of the way he was gripping it so hard his knuckles had gone white. Between that and the comment he’d just made, Joel had every right mind to connect his fist to the side of Luke’s face.

“Luke, please,” You whispered, throwing him a tiny glare.

“Oh come on now, honey. Where did your sense of humor go? You know I’m only joking,” Luke stated, squeezing your hand a little harder, causing you to squirm.

Something told Joel he wasn’t kidding around.

“She hasn’t been a bother at all,” Joel spoke, his voice tight as he defended you. “Actually, I came out here to talk to her and to thank her for bein’ so kind to my kid, Ellie. Your wife here, she has been nothin’ but good to her since we arrived.”

“Well, as long as she wasn’t being a bother.” Luke glanced down at you. “If you’ll excuse us, there’s a few people that I still need to see and say hello to inside. Come along, honey.” He glanced at Joel, a strange glint in his eye as he told him, “Welcome to Jackson, Joel.”

Joel watched as he all but dragged you into the barn.

Nothing about Luke sat right with him.

The way he’d spoken to you, touched you, treated you.

And then there was you.

The way that you had changed around him, the way the light left your eyes and you went silent as a mouse the second he came into the picture.

Something wasn’t right.

A rough hand on his shoulder startled him out of his thoughts.

“Really, Joel? Really? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tommy hissed, yanking him over to the side of the barn so nobody would overhear him. “What the fuck did I say yesterday in the mess hall?”

“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”

His brother glared at him. “I know that you ain’t as dumb as you look. What were you doin’ out here alone with her?”

Joel pursed his lips together in silence.

What all had he seen?

Tommy had read his mind. “You were dancin’ with her you fuckin’ asshole? Did you fuckin’ forget that she’s married?”

Joel rolled his eyes at him, shoving his hand off of his shoulder a little more aggressively than he had meant to. “We were just dancin’ together, alright? It ain’t like we were makin’ out, Tommy.”

“I don’t give a fuck! If I saw any man that wasn’t me dancin’ with Maria like that, I’d want to fuckin’ murder him with my own two hands!” He nearly spat. “Her husband just showed up to the damn party. You’re lucky that it was me who saw you out there with her and not him. What if he’d seen you two? Then what?”

“Tommy, relax,” Joel tried to calm him. “It was just a dance, alright? It was nothin’ more than that.”

“You listen to me and listen to me good, because I ain’t fuckin’ gonna say it again, big brother. Don’t go gettin’ any ideas about her. I don’t need you to go around stirrin’ up any kind of trouble,” Tommy said, his voice firm. “We can’t have that kinda shit here. Maria won’t tolerate it, and you know what, I won’t either. Don’t cause problems. Got it?”

“I didn’t plan on it,” Joel muttered, bitterly.

Tommy narrowed his eyes at him.

“Just fuckin’ watch yourself, Joel,” he warned.

;series taglist

@nadixq @s-trawberryv-eins @magikevalynn @impala1967666 @cosm1c-babe @d4rno @uramericanwhore @partyofone3413 @albiebright @wannab-urs @salome-c @egcdeath @levylovegood @daddy-din @kawaiikibi @hoesbloated @lizlil @moonlightdivine @imatrashcansorry @randomhoex @stevengmybeloved @daddysfavoritesexkitten @thispussyshouldcomew @wisteriandprose @superflymaterial @crisstar22 @remusbunnies @skxawngs @demoiseller @kyga01 @witheringawayagain @impossibleturkeydiplomatghost @ale0m @marysucks-blog @pofties @hummelmi @elladoe @likeanimagepassingby2 @jackierose902109 @bookofbee @missmomiverse @robinbuckleys-wife @wonderheartz @themusingkitten @inanni @faceache111 @marianita195 @eternallyvenus @slikkepind10-blog @sl-ut @im-akira @dorothleah @lexasaurs634 @dumbitchenergy17 @rh1nestonecowg1rl

*please let me know if I missed you, I know sometimes the tags can be glitchy.

#Joel Miller #a safe haven #pedgeitopascal #series #favs #tw domestic violence

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teacupcollector · 3 years ago

Text

A Helping Hand - Chapter 5

Main Masterlist Series Masterlist

Summary - As a woman who is pregnant you are doing anything if it means survival. Even so you found yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time, or was it the other way around? Now you are in the community of Jackson and you can’t help but attract a certain pair of hazel eyes.

"Joel you didn't need to do this. You could have waited until some of the others could help..." You say in a scolding manner. Joel set a relatively large box down at the foot of the stairs before walking up to you. "I told ya. I don't want to waste any more time." He says and you guide him to the couch and sit down with a huff. "And you are turning into a sap." You says with a giggle and Joel blushes slightly.

Joel lays a hand on your stomach and smiles when he feels a kick against his palm. "He bein' rowdy?" Joel asks and you sigh leaning your head back. "I think he is just as excited as me." You say looking over and placing your hand on top of his lacing your fingers together. You both stare at each other for a moment before a knock on the screen door breaks it. You both look over and see Dina standing on the other side. "Hey Dina!" You say and grunt as you try to stand up. "Joel help me up please?" You ask with a sigh and he chuckles before gently hoisting you up. You smiles and place a hand on his upper arm and smile. "Thank you." You say before heading over to the screen door and opening it. "He-" "So how is the moving going?" Dina asks in excitement. "It is going okay." You say with a laugh. "Joel refuses to let me or anyone help." You say sending a playful glare over to him. He smiles and walks into the kitchen. "How have you been Dina?" You ask stepping outside with her. "I have... I have been okay..." You look at her concerned before guiding her to sit on the steps with you. "What is it D?" You ask placing a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm feeling conflicted." She states. "About what?" You ask and she sighs. "Have you... Have you ever had feelings for someone you have no chance with?" She asks her brown eyes meeting yours. "I mean... Yeah there were times I did. Why?" Dina begins to fidget next to you. "Dina... you can tell me anything." You say wrapping your arm around her shoulder. She sighs and leans into you. "I broke up with Jesse... Again." She says sadly. "Does this have to do with the 'Person you have no chance with?'" You ask and she nods. "Let me ask you a few questions." You says and she nods looking up at you. "Have you known this person for a while?" You ask and she nods. "Do you really like this person?" Dina nods again and you form a smirk on your face. "Is this person a spitfire with a scar on her eyebrow?" You ask and she gasps "B-But how!" She exclaims. "I can see the chemistry between the two of you." you say with a small smile. Dina has a blush present on her face and your smile widens. "I'm sure everything will work out the way it should. Now how about we go inside and have something to drink." You say using the railing to get up. Dina stands up next to you and walks to the screen door opening it for you as you both walk in.

Joel walk in with a mug and hands it to you. "Thank you Joel." You say with a smile before taking a sip of tea. He nods and looks at Dina before leaning down and kissing your temple and saying. "I will be at the workshop for a bit. That okay?" You sigh and nod. "You don't have to ask to go places love..." You says placing your hand on his bicep and he nods. "I know I just want to make sure you are okay sweetheart." He says and you lean up and kiss his cheek and he blushes. "I'm not due for a little bit. You don't need to worry. Now get that cute butt down to the shop." You say smacking his butt as he walks past and he lets out a chuckle. "Seeya sweetheart." He says through the screen door before walking down the steps and in the Direction of the shop. You let out a sweet sigh before turning to Dina. "Sorry about that..." You say with a blush. "He doesn't like to much PDA." Dina has a smirk on her face as she sits down and asks "So how is he in the sack?" and you gasp. "Dina!" She lets out a few giggles before calming down. "We just started dating and I- We want to take it slow." Dina nods. You wobble over and sit next to her on the couch and sip your tea some more. "Can I touch your bump?" She asks and you let out a playful annoyed sigh. "Can't keep your hands off of me huh?" You say with a smirk and she nods. "Go ahead." You say lifting your cup off your stomach and to the side table. She squeals and places her hands on your belly.

"How does Ellie feel about you moving in?" Dina asks and you smile. "She has her own space but I think she is glad that Joel has someone to distract him." You say chuckling. "Yeah... He has always been a recluse and only sticking by Maria, Tommy, or Ellie." Dina says and you listen intently. "Ellie told me about the adventures they have been on and how cold he was to her." You begin to tear up and nod. "Yeah she told me about it to." You sniff and Dina immediately looks in your direction. "Hey... What's wrong?" She asks and you shake your head. "Please tell me (Y/N)..." You sigh and try to catch a breath. "I just feel so lucky... I don't deserve all of this. I don't deserve Joel..." You say as tears begin to fall down your cheeks. "Damn hormones." You murmur. "Why do you think you don't deserve Joel?" She asks and you sigh. "He has been through so much. He had a daughter before all this shit happened and I know he is scared." Dina nods wrapping an arm around you. "He is taking this massive step of taking care of me and a baby that isn't even his. I am so scared that he will back out and I will be alone again..." Dina looks confused. "What do you mean again?" She asks and you lean into her. "Anthony..." "Anthony?" You nod. "He is this babies father. I told you I had a sexual relationship with a man and that is his name." Dina rubs your back as you continue. " I was two months pregnant when he died..." "... And you have been alone ever since." Dina finishes and you nod. "And now I have Joel and he is a dream that I don't want to wake up from and I know I will one day." You say with a sigh. "I'm scared I'm going to wake up and he is going to realize that the baby will be to much to take care of..." "Joel isn't like that." You hear a third voice and look up to see Ellie in the arch way. "He wouldn't do that to you. I hear him talk about you to Tommy all the time." She says and you let out a sad laugh. "I know he won't... It is just a fear I have." Ellie nods and walks closer. "Dina Joel wants you to go to the workshop. He wants you to look at something." Dina nods and stands up. "See you later okay (Y/N)?" She asks and nods. She nods back and walks out the door.

Joel is in the workshop as he finishes sanding the last piece of his recent project when Tommy walks in. "Hey." Tommy says as he walks around a few pieces of wood to get to his brother. "Heya Tommy..." Joel says seemingly in his own world. "What did you want to talk about Joel?" Tommy asks and Joel turns to him with a serious look on his face. "I wanted to ask you somethin'" Joel says gesturing for a stool to sit on and Tommy sits down. "What is it?" Tommy asks. "I was wondering if you could talk to Maria about patrol..." He says and Tommy looks confused and asks. "What about patrol?" "I want to take time off... Maybe retire..." Tommy gets a shit eating grin on his face. "You want to retire huh?" Joel begins to blush and nods. " You are so whipped for this girl ain't ya?" "Oh shut it." Joel grumbles before turning around and Tommy laughs. "You got a ring yet?" Tommy asks. Joel stays quiet which answers Tommy's question. "You REALLY like her." "You said yourself that I was gonna get hitched at some point!" Joel snaps and Tommy laughs. "I'm happy for you brother. I'm sure Maria will be just fine with out you on patrol." Joel puts on a small smile looking at him again. "Thank you." He says and Tommy nods and leaves.

A few minutes later Dina walks in. "Hey Joel!" She says with a smile and He smiles back. "Hey Dina thanks for comin'" He says standing up and moving some things out of the way. "Any time Joel so what's up?" Joel stands up and leans over the work bench and grabs a piece of paper and hands it to her. Dina gasps and smiles. "This will be perfect!" She exclaims. "What color are you going to paint it?" She asks excited. "That is what I am hoping you could help me with." He says taking the paper and putting it back on the table. "Hmmm. Her favorite color is (F/C) maybe a few different shades of that color." Dina says and Joel nods writing it down. "What about staining it? For all we know there might not be much paint. Should we stain some parts?" He asks and she shakes her head. "Honestly with this color wood I think it would be better if you uh... Seal it?" He nods "Yeah that would be for the best I think. The lightness of the wood should be enough... I just hope she likes it." Dina sighs and looks at him. "She'll love it." Joel sighs and nods. "I should get home to her. She's probably getting up to mischief and unpacking boxes." He says as he begins to make his way out the door only to bump into his brother. "Tommy, what the h-" "Don't go outside!" Tommy says. "What?" Joel asks trying to get around him. "What do you mean?" He says finally getting outside. Tommy tries to steer him away from the gate. "Joel do-" "Tommy!" Joel's entire body freezes as he hears a pair of light footsteps behind him. He turns around and their eyes meet. "Claire?" "Joel?" (Hello I just want to say that this might be the last part for a while. I recently got a job and it has taken up most of my time. I apologize and I hope you understand.)

Taglist: @gnocchey @laura-m95

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x pregnant reader #joel miller tlou #dina tlou #ellie williams #soft joel miller #cliffhanger #tommy miller #fluff #domestic bliss #eventual angst #eventual fluff

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jaceyneedsabetterusername · 4 years ago

Text

Do You Trust Me?

Pairing: Arvin Russel x Reader

Summary: When Lenora finds out she’s pregnant and another girl turns up pregnant and murdered, Arvin and Y/N take matters into their own hands.

Warnings: Violence, Murder, Sexual Assualt, Teen Pregnancy, Cursing, Mentions of Rape, Bullying, Dark Religious Themes, Talk of Abortion DO NOT READ IF THESE BOTHER YOU (Very similar things to the movie)

Word Count: 7000

A/N: So Lenora doesn’t die in this but that part is instead replaced by the Reaster girl being found dead (I named her Jeanette... I didn’t remember if they gave her a first name)

A/N 2: I know I’m writing characters that exist already but like I feel like I’m going to Hell for writing this. Any other Christians feel that way about liking the movie?

___________________________________

Secrets were hard to keep in such a small town as Coal Creek. Everyone knew everyone and if one person saw something, the whole town knew about it by next morning. That’s why Lenora had kept her secrets with Reverend Teagarden from all except you. Other than Arvin, you were her only friend in the world. It felt nice to have another girl to talk to because as much as she loved her brother, it was nothing like having a sister. Though you weren’t related, just friends from school, it was the closest thing she had.

The two of you had bonded over the harassment from boys at school. Unlike Lenora, you had no problem dishing back threats and abuse. You were more like Arvin in that sense, not always terrified that the Lord was going to smite you for defending yourself. You and Arvin were close too because of it.

The day you two met, he’d gone to pick Lenora up from school one day to find the two of you cornered out back by Dinwoodie and his boys. They called Lenora ugly, as per their daily routine, and said they wouldn’t fuck her with a bag on a her head. Tommy Matheson had a paper bag held over her face, holding her down while she squirmed.

“There ain’t nothing alive that would willingly let you touch them, Dinwoodie!” You spat while Orville Buckman held you back, his arms wrapped around your body, keeping your arms . pinned to your side, “You’re a vile thing. Hell, I’m sure a dead pig wouldn’t let you fuck it.”

Dinwoodie spun around and blew a hard smack across your face, “Lenora here ain’t much different than that. But you on the other hand, I’d take you whether you wanted it or not. I like a girl with a dirty mouth. And lucky you, I won’t make you wear the bag.”

He fisted your hair and pulled your face close to him, trying to force a kiss from you but spat in his face, a massive drip of saliva landing in his eyes and smaller particles spewed across his lips. “You nasty bi-” Gene Dinwoodie reared back, ready to hit you again when suddenly Arvin came out of nowhere, sending a solid blow straight into Gene’s face, sending him flying to the ground with a crack.

Orville let you go to go after Arvin and Tommy did the same to Lenora. You ran over to her and pulled the bag from her head, seeing evidence of her silent tears all over her face. Once you saw she was okay though, you ran over to help Arvin, who had found himself dragged to the ground by the three boys. Lenora got up too, screaming for them to stop.

“Stop!” You yelled, pulling at Gene’s arms to try and get him to stop kicking Arvin. He shoved you back harshly by the chest but you caught yourself, returning with a sharp blow to his face with your locked fist.

The enraged boy smacked you even harder than before, sending your ass to the ground with thud that you knew would leave a bruise. Your hands and knees got skinned up as you skid slightly on the pavement. Lenora kept pulling on the boys too, begging them to stop but to no avail.

“Ha, sister fucker!” The three of them called out to Arvin before leaving the three of you alone.

“Are you okay?” You asked the boy that you hadn’t met before, who was curled up in a ball on the ground and holding his stomach. He groaned in response, trying to push himself up but requiring your assistance. “Thank you for what you did back there. I’m sorry this happened.”

He stretched, flinching at the slight movement. He sent a small nod towards you but then turned towards Lenora, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, Lenora.” Words couldn’t describe the guilt he felt for allowing this to happen.

“It-it’s okay, Arvin. It wasn’t that bad this time. Y/N here took the brunt of it, unfortunately.” Lenora turned to you, “‘M sorry about that, by the way. You didn’t need to step in for me.”

You had stood up about the same time Arvin did, brushing as much of the dirt off your bleeding and scraped up knees as you could without flinching, “Those guys are ass holes, Lenora. I did need to.”

Lenora piped up, “Oh, um, Y/N, this is my brother Arvin. Arvin, this is Y/N. She just moved here.”

“It’s nice to meet ya.” You greeted the boy with a pained smile, your face hurting from the blows you’d just taken.

Arvin nodded, “You too.” He paused for a moment, “Can I give you a ride home? I don’t need them boys catching up with you again on the ride home. Besides, your face is getting mighty red. I might have something back at my house to keep it from bruising up too bad.”

You looked over at Lenora, sending her a questioning look, like asking if you could trust this boy who had just come to your rescue, which may have seemed like an odd inquiry to have since he just tried to take on the guys harassing you, but your encounters with boys in this town hadn’t gone all too well thus far. The girl looked unfazed though with almost a hint of excitement that you could possibly be going to her home.

“Um, yeah, I’d like that. Thank you.” You tucked a messy strand of hair behind your ear before looking back up at Arvin to see that he was already staring at you.

That was months ago. You’d gotten settled into Coal Creek by now and the abuse from Dinwoodie had stopped entirely after Arvin had gone full vigilante to beat the shit out of them all. Speaking of Arvin, the day he saved you and Lenora, he asked you on a date and the pair of you had been going steady ever since. If there was ever a couple to not be fucked with, the town had learned it was you two.

This weekend, you’d gone over to the Russel’s home for supper at their Grandma’s invitation. It was delicious, as usual, as that woman had the God-given ability to produce miracles in that kitchen. As you all finished up, Uncle Earskell asked Arvin to help with something upstairs so he left without a second thought to help his kin.

Lenora had been looking at you funny all night, as if trying to catch your eye. After helping Grandma (which she insisted you call her as well) clean up supper, Lenora pulled you off to the side, “Y/N, let’s go on a walk. I need to tell you something.”

The weight in her eyes told you how serious this was so you just nodded, “Yeah, yeah, of course. Let’s go.”

She grabbed a lantern on her way out the door and towards the barn. It was already dark, despite only being seven in the evening. Lenora led you out there and then closed the door before sitting on the hay. “So what is it?” You asked nervously. Normally, you would have made a joke but something told you that this wasn’t a joking matter. Anxiety buzzed all around her.

“Y’know the new pastor? Preston Teagarden?” Lenora began, wringing her hands together and beginning to hide under her long red hair.

You nodded, the question having an obvious answer as everyone, including your God fearing Mama and Aunt, went to church every Sunday. “What about ‘im?”

“Well… um… y’see. We… we had sex.” She whispered the last word like it was the dirtiest thing she could fathom saying.

Your eyes blew wide and your mouth dropped open, “You what?” You whispered back in shock.

“Shh!” She held her finger up to her lips, “He said that to bear yourself as God made his first children was to truly turn yourself to Him.”

You were having a difficult time processing this new information. Arvin and you had both agreed that there was something off about that new preacher since the first day you met him but you wouldn’t have guessed it was anything like this. “Lenora, that makes no sense. God sees everything. He’s already seen you in your birthday suit. He doesn’t need the preacher to see it too.”

Part of you felt bad for the way you were reacting, especially when you saw the way your best friend shrunk back a little in embarrassment. Clearly, he’d manipulated her into getting what he wanted, using her faith as a weapon for her sexual exploitation, but of course she didn’t see it like that because his words were specifically tailored to get her to believe him. Now as you said these things, though, it was becoming clearer to Lenora that she had been manipulated.

“That’s not all…” She continued.

You held her arm gently, “What is it?”

Her eyes got wide with fear, “You can’t tell anyone okay? You gotta promise.” Her hand covered yours, gripping tightly to ensure that you grasped the severity of the situation.

You swallowed hard, honestly scared by her reactions to whatever was happening. This wasn’t like sweet, simple, calm Lenora. Nonetheless, you nodded, “I promise.”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

You actually choked, “What? Are you sure?” This was bad. This was so bad.

Her eyes began to well up with guilty tears, “Yeah, I am. I was pretty sick a few weeks back. Couldn’t eat nothin’ cause I kept throwin’ up. And I haven’t had that time of the month in two months.”

“Two months, Lenora? Shit…” You whispered, leaning back against the hay. Even before moving to Coal Creek, you came from a small town in Pennsylvania where this had happened to a few girls. In fact, it wasn’t uncommon in that particular town. Your daddy had been a doctor before he died so you’d seen more than a few cases of teenage pregnancy. For Lenora, though, this was practically unheard of. Good Christian girls don’t have babies before marriage. “Did you tell ‘im?”

Lenora’s breath shook, “Yeah ‘nd he said I was crazy and delusional. Just imaginin’ things. Said we never did nothin’ in the car. Then he said that I had to get rid of the baby or I’d be branded as the town whore with a bastard son. Even said it’d kill Grandma from the shame of it all if anyone found out.”

“That is not true, Lenora. None of it. You’re not a whore and it would be best for everyone if that baby inside you was a bastard. That disgusting man isn’t fit to walk the Earth we live on, let alone be a father.” It felt like the blood was rushing through your veins with full force, internally panicking about the situation. This was a big deal and, unfortunately, you weren’t sure if Lenora was emotionally capable enough to handle it alone. She’d always been quiet and lonely and an easy target for cruel people. “Are you keepin’ it?”

Her breathing shuddered as if she’d started crying, “I can’t kill the baby inside me and go on livin’ with that. But I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared,Y/N.” Lenora threw her arms around you and you held her as her body rattled against yours.

“Shh, you got me, alright? Me and Arvin. And I’m sure Grandma wouldn’t be ashamed if she knew what Teagarden did to you.” You insisted but she shook her head.

“You must think I’m stupid for believin’ that man.” She sat up wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

“No! I do not think you’re stupid at all. That monster took advantage of you, told you things to make you believe that his dirty, lustful thoughts were vindicated by the Lord. And he’s going to fucking pay.” You were furious now as you began to stand up, unsure of exactly what you’d do but you knew you were gonna do it.

Lenora grabbed your arm and pulled you back down, “No! Wait! Please-”

“What’s going on here?” Arvin opened the door with a concerned face.

Both you and Lenora jumped at his sudden intrusion but were even more nervous about what he’d heard.

“How much did you hear?” Lenora asked her brother, rubbing her hands on her thighs.

He walked in and slammed the door shut behind him, kneeling down in front of you and his sister, “That someone took advantage of you and Y/N was gonna make ‘im pay. Now what happened? What’s going on?”

This was one of the things that you’d always loved about Arvin. He had this protective nature over what he loved, ready to do anything to keep his loved ones safe, whether that was his sister, his girlfriend, or his grandmother. His brown eyes held so much sincerity and understanding for his younger sister but also fear for what had been done to her.

When she didn’t respond right away, Arvin looked over to you with questioning desperate eyes but you chewed your lip, knowing that it wasn’t your secret to tell. Instead, you looked back over to Lenora sadly and nudged her slightly.

“C-can you say? Please? I don’t wanna say it again.” Lenora begged you quietly, avoiding eye contact with Arvin. Though you could never truly know she felt, you tried to understand all the emotions that must have been running through her.

Arvin met your eyes, begging you to tell him what had happened. “She’s pregnant. It’s that Reverend Teagarden’s baby. Said that he told her that the only way to get close to God was to show him her in the form of Adam and Eve. But now he’s saying that she’s delusional and that it’s not his.”

Arvin’s temper flamed inside his chest. That explained the Reverend’s intense sermon about delusion this last Sunday. Nobody did this to his sister and got away with it. “I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking ki-”

“Arvin please-” Lenora tried to calm him but it was a weak attempt, still trying to stay quiet so Grandma wouldn’t notice.

“No, I’ll end his life for what he did to you.”

You watched your boyfriend reel around, hands holding onto his hat. He was livid, understandably so.

Lenora wasn’t quite sure why she wanted to protect Preston Teagarden after what he’d done to her but she thinks it’s that she was more concerned for her brother. Besides, no matter what Teagarden had done, did he really deserve to die for it?

“We don’t have to hurt him,” You spoke to your boyfriend, “If she wants, she can just have the baby and we’ll help raise it.”

“But he said it’s not his and that I’ll just be considered some no-good whore. He said it’ll kill Grandma. I don’t want to kill Grandma.” She was almost crying again at the thought of their grandmother ending up six feet under because of the shame of having her as a granddaughter.

“He said that?!” Arvin nearly yelled.

“But what if he’s right?” Lenora thought out loud, “I couldn’t live with myself if I got rid of the baby but I can’t risk killing Grandma. Maybe it would be better if I were dead-”

“No!” You and Arvin both said firmly in unison. You held her hand tight and Arvin knelt down again.

He swiped his thumb comfortingly across the back of her hands, “Don’t you ever say that. We have both already lost too damn much to lose each other too, ya hear me?”

Lenora nodded, tears falling down her cheeks when she closed her eyes.

“Why can’t we just ruin him? You can have the baby and let everyone know what he did. Everyone will know that he’s the father and it’ll destroy his life.” Arvin suggested, all of the miserable ways this could end for the man twisting his heart in sadistic pleasure.

You shook your head though, “No, they won’t. It’s different for girls in small towns like this. Doesn’t matter what happened, you’re still the dirty no good whore, even if you were raped. The man is treated like a victim for even having the inkling of an accusation brought up.” After a few minutes, you suggested, “Why don’t we run off. We’ll all go to a new town, somewhere where nobody knows none of us. We’ll tell ‘em that your husband died in the war, leaving you with the baby. I’ll go with. I’ll help you raise it.”

She shook her head, “But what about Grandma and Uncle Earskell?” She did have a point. They were both getting on in age and would need more help than they already did.

You all sat in silence for a few moments, brainstorming ideas of what to do. Eventually, Arvin looked at his sister, “Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.”

The three of you went back to the house for the rest of the night, knowing that everyone would be getting suspicious if you were out any longer.

The three of you kept the secret quiet, barely even speaking about it to each other. You’d been doing as much research on babies in the libraries at school, which earned you quite a few disapproving looks from people who assumed that you and Arvin were expecting. You were serious when you said that you had every intention of helping Lenora and so was Arvin.

Weeks had gone by with relatively no news. Well, that’s what the town thought at least. After finding out about what the Reverend had done to Lenora, Arvin had told you about his plan to watch him.

The pair of you had spent several afternoons staked out near the church, watching as he went to the place of worship and then left at night. But then you started noticing a frequent visitor. Jeanette Reaster. The pair would drive off to a little secluded field and, sure enough, Teagarden would have his way with her. Though you couldn’t hear what was said, it was clear that they’d been praying beforehand before she submitted to him fully. Now, you knew Jeanette Reaster and, much like Lenora, she was the last person you’d imagine having premarital sex for the fear of being struck down by God. Whatever this man had said to them must have been real convincing.

“Piece of shit…” Arvin leaned forward against the steering wheel of his car while you sat beside him. You both watched on as the Reverend laid the girl down and began his assault of falsely “holy” acts.

For respect of Jeanette, you both looked away during the actual act but when you saw her ride off, Teagarden got out of his car, a bunch of fabric in his hands and sniffed them as he watched her. “That fucking perv. How does nobody know about this?” You asked, disgusted. Reaster was a good girl. She didn’t deserve this abuse.

“We know about it.” Arvin said, putting the car in reverse, “And that’s enough.” Less than a week later, word got out that Jeanette Reaster had run off. Grandma had told Arvin and Lenora that her mother had said to her privately that Jeanette left a note saying that she was pregnant but the father refused to believe that he was the father. To spare her family the shame, she ran away and begged them to just say that they had no idea what had happened to her. That’s what her parents intended to do for their daughter’s sake but had entrusted Grandma with the secret just so they had somebody to talk to about it.

The day after she disappeared, they found her body on the side of the road just a few towns over. Nobody had any idea of what had happened except for you and Arvin. Both of you were convinced that Teagarden had murdered her to keep his secret from getting out.

The anger that was held between you and Arvin both was unparalleled. In part, you both felt partially responsible for her death. If only you’d said something, maybe you could have saved her. But neither of you even knew she was pregnant. That monster did to her exactly what he had probably planned to do to Lenora.

“We have to set things right.” Arvin said, sitting in his car one night with you in the woods, “That girl is dead and I can’t help but feel like it’s on me.” His head hung sadly, the weight of another death weighing on his heart.

You shifted sideways in the seat, your jeans rubbing against the vinyl car seats. You placed a hand gingerly on his cheek, “This is not your fault. This is the evil of a wicked man.”

“A girl is dead, Y/N. He got her pregnant and murdered her. He got Lenora pregnant and tried to convince her she was crazy. He’s taking advantage of innocent girls out here and then tying up the loose ends.” Arvin sat there, so much hurt behind his brown eyes. Then an idea dawned on him, “Do you trust me?”

The question took you off guard and it showed but you answered honestly, “Yes.”

Perhaps being quieter in church was for the best for this particular scenario. You’d never been as religious as the rest of your family or the rest of the town, for that matter. But this morning, you found yourself on your knees by your bedside. “Lord, please forgive the things that I am about to do. Please understand that I do this with the best intentions of protecting every other girl to cross paths with Preston Teagarden and to avenge the death of Jeanette Reaster. I pray that you please forgive Arvin as well as I know he is a man with nothing but good and love in his heart. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.”

Almost on cue, your mom knocked on the door to see you on your knees, “Arvin is out front waiting for you.” She announced with a warm smile, noticing your outfit, “You look nice, sweetie! Since when do you clean up all cute for that boy?” She teased, a loving smile on her face as you smoothed out your yellow dress that hung just below your knees. The sleeves were tight and went about halfway down your biceps. It was far from revealing with a neckline that stopped just below your collarbones but it still was tight enough to accentuate the shape of your concealed breasts. A brown belt was tied around your waist, showing off your figure.

“Yeah, well I figured that for once I might as well dress up and do something nice.” The lie slipped out smoothly despite the racing of your heart in your chest.

She pulled you in for a hug, “Well you tell Arvin that I want you back by nine tonight! I’ll be going over to Mrs. Hadderson’s for quilting today, just so you know, in case I’m not home when you get back.”

You picked up your bag and pulled her into a side hug, “Alright, Mama. Love you!” You hollered, running out the door. Arvin was dressed normally, just his blue jeans and t-shirt, but he still looked great as always.

When you slid into the passenger seat of his car, he perked up and looked over at you, “Not used to seeing you like this on any day but Sunday.” He attempted to joke but found it difficult considering what the two of you were planning on doing.

After driving a ways down the road, he asked, “Are you sure you want to be a part of this? Because I can drop you off with Lenora and I’ll take care of this myself.”

Looking over at him to see his eyes scanning your face for signs of hesitation, you placed your hand on his leg, “I’m not letting you do this alone.”

Not too deep down, Arvin felt terrible for allowing you to partake in this. Death had always seemed to follow him wherever he went; he didn’t want you to be stuck with the same curse. The two of you developed a plan but Arvin had created a backup just in case you decided you didn’t want to partake, not that he would blame you. He was terrified beyond belief himself but he’d decided that for the sake of every other girl in this town and any other one’s Teagarden had harmed in the past, he had to do this.

The only thing making him feel remotely at peace with your involvement was the fact that you weren’t actually doing the killing. You were the diversion, he was the trigger man. Arvin sighed, relenting to the fact that you were in on this, “Did you bring the rope?” He asked, eyes flicking over to you and your bag between glances at the road that moved beneath the wheels of his car.

You dug around in your little bag and pulled out a small length of rope, a weapon chosen for the lack of clean up. “Got it. You got the gun?”

Arvin pulled his denim jacket back just enough to show the handle of the Luger that once belonged to his father. This weapon was chosen for its reliability. Once you guys started, you had to finish otherwise he’d tell everyone.

Before you knew it, the tires were coming to a crunching halt on the rocky sideturn just around the corner from the church. A sudden wave of nausea came over you and you had to breathe deeply to settle it down. “You okay?” Arvin asked, reaching out for you.

You swallowed hard, “Yeah.” Sweat began to bead up on your brow as a million different images of what could happen in the next few minutes ran through your head.

Arvin watched as you zoned out on the dashboard and he knew exactly what was going on in your mind. It was the same inner conflict he’d had this morning before picking you up, when he first pocketed the gun. “Whatever happens today, I need you to know that I love you Y/N.”

You sucked a quick breath in. Neither of you had ever used the L-word before. Arvin was scared to because he’d lost so many people and the fewer people he loved, that fewer people he could lose. You had just never loved anyone romantically before and were too terrified that maybe you’d say it too early or think you felt it when you really didn’t. With Arvin, though, you knew it. “I love you too, Arvin.” You leaned forward and kissed him on the lips deeply, wanting nothing more than to stay against his skin for the rest of your lives. But, unfortunately, there was something you had to do first.

“Remember, just get him to bring you to the field. I will be there waiting. I won’t let anything happen to you, you hear?” Your faces were close together, so close your foreheads almost touched, as he went over the plan one last time, trying to make sure that you knew that you were safe as long as he was around.

“I know.” You gave him a small, reassuring smile, though it was far from a grin of actual happiness.

Arvin watched as you got out of the car, leaving the small bundle of rope behind, and walked down the dirt driveway to the church. You looked just like someone that pervert would fall head over heels for. There was an innocent sway to your hips and the way you held your bag close to your body screamed insecurity, but the kind of a young girl who doesn’t know how beautiful she is. The funny thing was that this wasn’t something totally out of character for you. Sure, you had a mouth and fist that could dish as much as it could take, and yeah, you and Arvin had been together for almost half a year, but there was still a youthful innocence to you. There was still a brightness in your eyes and a pep in your step, one that hadn’t been beat down by the tragedies of life yet. It was one of the things that Arvin found most attractive about you but it was also one of the things that Preston Teagard would as well.

The doors of the church were cracked open just slightly when you approached and you could see the Reverend sitting in the pews, reading his Bible, through the gap. Taking one less final deep breath, you pressed the door open and stepped in, the heels of your little white chucks padding against the hardwood. Teagard turned around at the sound, “Why, hello, there.” He greeted warmly. It disgusted you how this man could act no different after knowing what he’d just done but the worst monsters were human.

“Uh, hi there, Reverend. I’m sorry to bother but I just needed to talk to you about something.” You began, accentuated your Appalachian drawl while trying to make your voice sound as young and innocent as you could.

He patted the pew beside him, “Well, my child, you’ve come to the right place. That’s what I’m here for. Now, why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”

Skin crawling as you walked, you forced your feet to move towards the man and sit beside him. Right away, his arm stretched behind your shoulders as he sat uncomfortably close. At first, you avoided eye contact, “Well, um, you see, I’ve been… straying from the light and I really want to get right with God.”

This had to be the first truth you’d told anyone other than Arvin today. You felt too terrible lying in the presence of God so you’d found a way to genuinely get your feelings off your chest while still luring Teagarden into your trap.

He rubbed his chin and hummed, “The fact that you acknowledge this means you haven’t strayed too far. God always comes back to his flock, even to those little sheepies who’ve gone astray. Why don’t you tell me more.” He urged.

Your hands squeezed the strap of your bag tightly, “I… I have lustful thoughts sometimes.”

Preston was lucky he’d had a lot of practice concealing his emotions because he’d be lying if he said that those words didn’t stir something in him, “Now are these just thoughts or have you acted on them?”

“Oh, just thoughts, Reverend. I’ve never acted on any of them.” You reassured, finally meeting his eyes. They seemed to look at you with such understanding that you could see why Lenora and Jeanette had fallen for him.

He nodded in approval, “And who are these thoughts about?”

This was where you’d have to do a bit more lying, “I don’t really want to say.” You blushed bright red. You knew that Preston must have taken this as a sign that it was about him but it wasn’t. Your dirty thoughts never strayed from Arvin.

Preston looked away and then back down at you, “You’re going with that Russel boy, right?”

Silently, you nodded, not wanting to incriminate your boyfriend too much in this process of confession.

“Has he ever touched you?” Preston pressed, his body getting closer to yours inch by inch until your legs were nearly touching.

The red in your cheeks wasn’t part of the act anymore but genuine. You shook your head, “No, never.” You felt almost panicked at the question.

“Have you ever touched yourself to these thoughts?” His voice became slower, more cautious as his inquiries got riskier and riskier.

You found yourself unable to maintain eye contact with him anymore and looked back down at your shoes instead, just shaking your head, “No, I feel too weird. Like it’s a violation or somethin’.”

Preston looked away, as if considering something, before turning back to you, “Can I show you some place? I find it helps me feel closer to God when I feel like I’m goin’ astray. Perhaps I could help.”

Hook and sink. He’d fallen right into the trap. With a shy nod, you agreed sweetly, “Yeah, yeah, I’d like that. Is it far?”

Teagard shook his head, “Oh no, not too far at all. But I’ll drive so we don’t have to walk.”

Getting him to drive you to the spot was just as easy as you imagined it would be. With a quick glance in the rear view mirror, you noticed a car in the far distance behind you that you immediately recognized as Arvin following. Preston’s car came to a stop in the same field you’d seen him take Jeanette Reaster to a few weeks ago, facing the woods ahead.

It really was quite peaceful and would have been a pretty sight if you weren’t with a sexual predator. Again, his arm slid around your shoulders and you breathed in deeply, the intense sexual tension making you uncomfortable even though you had every intention of finishing him off before he even got a hand up your skirt.

“You said that Russel boy has never touched you. Have you ever shown him yourself?” The fact that this man had the nerve to ask you such questions disgusted you beyond belief but you kept up the facade.

“Like naked?” You clarified, seeing him nod, “No, not naked. We went to the lake one time so he saw me in my bathing suit then but that’s not exactly the same thing.”

Preston chuckled at your naivety, “No, no, not the same thing at all. You know how you’re supposed to save yourself for marriage to be right with the Lord. But there is nothing that brings you closer back to our heavenly father than to be as Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, the garden of pure paradise.”

“How is that so?” You cranked up the childlike inquisitive nature as you looked up at him with big doe eyes.

Preston had to fight the urge to take you here and now, looking at you like this, but he remained strong for the sake of the process. “They were made in his image. We all were but they were his original children. The pure, unaltered image of God himself, before the sin of man tainted it all. By showing yourself in your pure, unaltered image, you bring yourself closer to the light.”

Your brows furrowed, “But didn’t you just say that premarital sex is a sin?” This may have been jeopardizing your mission but you felt inclined to point out the hypocrisy before you offed the man.

He nodded, chest falling and rising with a heavy sigh, “It depends on who you’re with. I’m a man of God myself and I like to model myself after Jesus. I’d like to think that makes me an extension of His love and power and therefore an outlet for you to feel safe to do whatever you need to do in order to be right with Him.”

With a shaky breath, you bit your lip, “Alright. H-how do I-?”

Preston watched as you fiddled with the hem of your skirt and let his mind wander to what else those fingers might be good at. “First, let us pray.” He reached over and held your hand, “Lord, Y/N is showing herself to you. See her Lord, as you made her. She presents herself to you. Give her strength. Amen.”

“Amen.” You muttered after him, your fingers slowly going to unbutton your dress. This wasn’t how you’d imagined the first time a boy seeing you in your knickers going. In your mind, it had always been on a nice romantic evening with Arvin and a selfish part of you wanted it to stay that way but then you remembered why you were doing what you were doing and sucked down the reservations. At least you weren’t actually losing your virginity to the monster.

Nervous fingers fuddled with the button for just a moment too long and Teagarden twisted sideways, hands coming to cover yours, “May I?” He offered his assistance.

Your heart thumped so loud you could hear it but you nodded silently, letting your fingers fall onto your thighs. With deftly skilled fingers, he had your blouse unbuttoned before long and had pushed it off your shoulders. Your breath caught in your throat at this much exposure, your breasts just barely concealed under only the fabric of your bra. Lord, you prayed silently, please let this be over with quickly.

Your eyes slid closed, trying to imagine that it was Arvin touching you instead of Preston Teagarden but then the mere thought of comparing the two made you sick to your stomach. They were nothing alike.

A set of chapped lips kissed your forehead gently, then your cheek, and then, finally, your lips. At first, you drew back, but still kept your eyes closed, trying to mask the disgust with untouched hesitance. You forced your body to relax again and Preston took that as a cue to continue with what he was doing, his lips returning to yours.

Wasting no time, he’d crawled over you until your back was flush against the seat. You placed your hands awkwardly and haphazardly on Preston’s shoulder’s, trying to feign inexperienced confusion. You and Arvin may not have ever gone all the way, but you’d at least gone this far.

Preston’s lips moved down your neck and your breath got caught in your throat. As much as you hated it, he knew what he was doing. This man knew all the right buttons to push to make a nervous girl submit to his every desire and, though you were well aware of the game he was playing and had zero attraction to him, the physical reactions were almost impossible to stop. Your body shuddered when his stubble, something Arvin lacked, scratched the sensitive skin of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. Your eyes were open wide now, just waiting for your boyfriend to finally show up and save you from this situation.

Arvin approached the car and slowly and quietly as he could. The windows were up so it wasn’t too big an issue as long as he wasn’t clanging metal but he figured he didn’t want to take any chances. When approached the driver’s window, his heart wrenched and he immediately regretted putting you in this position.

Preston was on top of you, his hands roaming all around your semi-exposed chest. He knew that you’d never been exposed like that to anyone before and he suddenly felt sick with himself for allowing the first time to be with anyone beside him, let alone Preston fucking Teagard.

He expected to have to psych himself up for the actual kill, to have to convince himself to do it but when you locked eyes with him, a silent plea to get the man off of you, it came unnervingly natural. With the rope already wrapped around both of his fists, Arvin reached for the handle and threw the door open, looping the rope around Preston’s neck and dragging him back out of the car. Preston’s eyes were wide with shock and fear, “What the fuck?!” He hollered in fear, the words turning to gagging and choking. His hands grasped at the rope but Arvin had it pulled too tightly.

Preston’s body was kicking against the grass but his neck and head were pressed against Arvin’s chest, who was kneeling in the field.

“You really thought you could get away with what you did to my Lenora? To that poor Reaster girl you murdered? And then I bet you were willing to do the same to her over there too, huh?” He seethed, notioning over to you with a flick of his chin.

The reverend tried to say something, anything to defend himself or get himself out of this situation but Arvin never let up so the words came out as disgustingly graphic chokes. You crawled out of the car, not knowing what you could do to help or secure the situation but feeling useless now.

In a few minutes time, his lips had turned blue and the thrashing of his body had stopped. Arvin finally let up and the body slump into the grass. He crawled back and away from the man who had only moments ago been all over you, touching you.

That was when he remembered that you were there still. He’d gotten so blinded by rage that he almost blacked out, caught up in the task at hand. But when he looked up, his heart began to beat again and he stood up, rushing to you, “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Your face was pale and blank, almost as if you were in shock. Your top was still totally unbuttoned, white modest bra still exposed to the world but you didn’t look like you cared at all. If Arvin was being honest, this wasn’t how he’d pictured seeing you topless for the first time going. He always hoped it would be romantic and with more than enough time to compliment every inch of your perfect body. Instead, you looked scared and shocked and almost like you could be sick.

“Y/N?” He urged, coming stand between you and Preston’s body, attempting to break your view of it. He reached down and began to re-button your blouse for you.

“I’m fine,” You said flatly, only moving to look up at him, “Are you okay?”

With a glance down at his knuckles, the rope burn was clear to see, but Arvin had been through much worse, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m so sorry that I let him do that. This whole idea was stupid and now-”

“No,” You interrupted, finally snapping out of your shocked state and bringing your hands up to rest on his, which were on your chest now, “He can’t hurt anyone anymore.”

Arvin didn’t actually feel remorse for killing the man. The only thing he wanted was to take you back home, or rather far away, where there weren’t any reminders of today’s events. He wanted to show you how special you were, how much he loved you, and how brave he thought you were for being willing to be Teagarden’s last victim for the better good of the world.

#the devil all the time #tdalt #tdalt fics #arvin russell #arvin russel x reader #arvin russel imagines #do you trust me?#dark fics #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader

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murderousginger · 4 years ago

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Secrets

Tommy Shelby x reader

Word count: 1,406

Warnings: Mentions of forced abortions. Pregnancy. Angst. Hurt/Comfort? They're criminals guys, they do bad things.

Note: This was to fulfill the last two Tommy requests in my inbox, but also a bit of my own comforting and an announcement. Why do one thing when you can do three? I've been gone because I'm 11 weeks pregnant. The exhaustion and nausea has been a huge reason. I, the person who never naps, naps constantly now. 😂 BUT the second trimester is supposedly less exhausting, so I'm hoping that kicks in soon. Onto the story!

Your stomach churned as you sat on the other side of Tommy Shelby's desk. His glacier stare was foreign on your skin, but you steeled yourself against it as you fought to keep your eyes on his. This was not your Tommy, but honestly, was Tommy ever yours?

"You've been cutting hours," he said evenly as his hands deftly searched his pockets for a cigarette. "You've refused all overtime that was offered the past few weeks."

Overtime. You fought a laugh. A flash of his rough hands up your dress, his wild murmurs in your hair, your hips hitting his desk as the passion overtook you both. It flickered across your mind and disappeared like the flame that lit his cigarette in front of you. Extinguished after it's purpose.

His jaw set in annoyance as his cheeks hallowed with his inhale of smoke. You sat in silence, calming your beating heart by counting your breaths. His eyebrow ticked upward as he let out a long line of smoke directly into your face.

"Well?" He growled. "Anything to say?"

Your stomach flipped again as the smoke dissipated around you. Nausea washed over you in waves.

"Didn't sound like a question so I felt no need to respond," you said through gritted teeth. "You sign the checks. You know."

His eyes softened for a moment, a glimpse of the broken widow you had spent many an evening with, but the glimpse was shadowed by the icy demeanor that he built to steel himself against the world.

"Have you found another?" His tone was even but held the slightest bit of anger seeping from it's edges. "We're adults, (Y/N), you could have just broken it off clean."

You barked a short laugh, unable to keep the harsh noise in your chest.

"When has Thomas Shelby, OBE, ever accepted something he didn't like?" You asked, letting the words topple out one over the other, before your hand shot to your mouth and worried across your dry lips.

You push the madness creeping around your edges back into its place deep down in your chest. Best not to feel around the ice king himself. If you didn't emote, he couldn't read you like the open book you were. He couldn't see the vulnerable truth you had hidden.

"There is no other," you sigh, reserved. "I merely thought to return to my work before you grew tired of me and sent me back."

There it was again. A flicker across his face. What it was, you weren't sure, but it was there. And so was his smoke, filling the room and making you sick.

"(Y/N), I--"

Youou couldn't keep the nausea at bay any longer. You heaved forward as you gagged, doubling over before scrambling to his waste bin at the side of his desk. Your knees sank to the hard wooden floor as you wretched out your lunch, heaving until your stomach was sore and your head was fully in the bin, eyes closed as you hugged it to you.

When your body stopped revolting against you, you stayed with your eyes closed a few more moments for fear of meeting Tommy's eyes and explaining yourself.

"Love, are you okay?"

His voice was soft. Caring. You opened your eyes and leaned back, wiping the spit from your bottom lip as you sat back on your heels to look at the man on the floor in front of you.

His arms were hanging in the air just out of reach of you, frozen as his eyes searched your face and worry creased his brow.

"M'fine," you mumble as you push yourself back to your feet, taking the waste bin to the door before looking back at Tommy.

He was still kneeling on the floor, looking lost as the gears of his mind worked things out.

"When did you know?" He asked in an even tone, threatening anger behind his sharp jaw.

"I stopped coming 'round soon as I found out," you whispered before you found your voice. "I'll not be like Arthur's women before Linda, baby cut out and sterilized to prevent more. It's mine. I'm keeping it."

Tommy's eyes flashed.

"It's a Shelby."

"Not if I say it isn't."

"I'll not be a stranger in my child's life," he growled. "And I'll not have the mother of my child working while carrying my child. You'll quit immediately. I'll pay for your housing. You'll be cared for."

"I am not a breeding mare for you to stable," you bit back as you scoffed at his presumption. "I'm not using this child for your money."

You hugged yourself as you shook with anger. The nerve of this man. Any soft moment was gone; the man in front of you was all business and it made your blood boil.

"Then what do you want?" Tommy pressed his palms into his desk, hands splayed over so many piles of papers. "Were you even going to tell me?"

"I wasn't," you sniffed, stepping toward him. "I was going to visit my family in the country on vacation in a few months and just… not return."

Tommy looked at you, eyes widening.

"You think that little of me, don't you?" He exhaled as his hands found his face and pressed up into his hair.

The man who looked back at you looked tired, haunted, as if the mask had finally fallen as he searched your face. Whatever he found, he nodded slowly and let out a short breath.

"I didn't know what you would do," you said, voice small. "I was afraid. For me and the child. I'm not a wife. I'm a worker. The child's a bastard."

"It's a Shelby," Tommy bit back. "We take care of our own."

"Tell that to Arthur's women," you laughed bitterly. "Or John's first love. I'm not going on a table."

"I never asked you to," Tommy sighed as he stood up straight and eyed you. "We haven't really bothered to get to know one another, have we?"

You sniffed, tears welling in your eyes as you fought to keep composure. You tried to laugh but it only sounded hollow.

"You aren't really the type to chat," you said as you felt your emotions bubble.

"One of my many charms," he said as he rounded the desk. "You're keeping a Shelby, and I'll not be kept from my child. Quite a predicament."

You forced yourself to look him in the eye as he walked to you. He stood before you, a slight smile breaking his face as his hands came up slowly in surrender.

"Let's talk over dinner, yeah?" Tommy's voice was velvet, soothing.

He always knew what tone to use to get his way. You opened your mouth to argue when he chuckled.

"I'm not forcing you into marriage or into my stables," he said. "Just a dinner. Just to talk. If there's going to be such a" he stepped forward and rested a soft hand on the curve of your belly before he made a pointed look, "big secret between us, we should probably get to know each other."

"Just a dinner?" You breathed him in, horribly aware of the vomit on your breath as he stood beside you as if to hold you up. "Do you promise?"

"I promise," he said as his hand raised from your belly to your chin and he softly kissed your forehead. The nausea turned to a different set of butterflies. "I'm not your enemy, nor are you mine. I'll not force you to quit if you don't want to."

"Good," you said relieved. "I'm not good at being useless. Sitting around is torture."

Tommy fought the slight upturn of his lip that threatened a grin.

"I understand that notion all too well," he said as he reluctantly left your side and returned to his desk. "Dinner at six. I'll have someone take you home and I'll be by to pick you up."

"Walking won't hurt me," you scoffed. "I've done it for years."

Tommy looked up from his desk, his mouth slack as his hand found his pen.

"You're carrying precious cargo, now," he said, his eyes softening as he looked you over before he cleared his throat and looked back down to his papers. "Isaiah will come round and take you home while I finish this work. You're a Peaky Princess, now, love. We care for our own."

#Tommy Shelby #tommy shelby being tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #peaky blinders fic #peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #Tommy Shelby OBE being demanding but also tender

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babymetaldoll · 4 years ago

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"From daddy to dad" (Matthew Gray Gubler/ Reader)

Summary: Matthew Gray has to stop acting like a kid around his son, and start being a dad. Or at least that's how reader feels.

Pairing: Matthew Gray Gubler / Reader

Category: A little Angst, but at the end this is undercover fluff

Warnings: Zero, I think

A/N: I have no idea how a three years old talks, so let's all pretend this is accurate, ok? :D

Word count: 2,1K

Masterlist

Being seven months pregnant isn't comfortable at all. Especially when you can't move at a normal pace. Lucky for (Y/N), her husband Matthew was home to help her whenever she needed him. He was glad to take some time off and spend more time with her, considering he worked most of the time during her last pregnancy.

Their little three years old son was very excited to become an older brother. He was the sunshine of the house... except when he made a mess, and her mother would call him by his full name.

- "Vincent Gray Gubler!!"- (Y/N) yelled, watching her son covered in purple paint, running around the living room, making a mess.

- "What are you doing?!"- she wanted to cry. Everything had paint on it. Everything. And her son wouldn't stop running.

- "I'm painting the room, mommy!"

Under normal circumstances, (Y/N) would have laughed. Really. But she was too tired that day. She had just bathed the boy after he had played with mud and made a mess in the backyard. And now, he was a mess again!

- "Matthew! can you help me?"

- "What is it, Bunny..."- he yelled from the second floor

- "I need a hand here"

- "I'm coming!"- he shouted in a funny voice, and their son giggled as he heard him- "Hey!! There you are! I was wondering where my little helper had gotten!!"

Matthew Gray Gubler walked to his wife, covered in paint, making a mess the whole way over. Like father, like son.

- "What are you doing?"- (Y/N) wanted to cry. She knew she was going to be the one cleaning that mess.

- "We were going to paint the baby's room, but we thought it would be a good idea to add a personal touch, so we started marking our hands on the wall. And then we did our feet... and tummies"- Matthew smiled, proud. But his wife wasn't as excited as he was.

- "I had just bathed him."

- "I can do it! don't worry, Bunny!"- he walked to (Y/N) and kissed her forehead- "I'll clean baby Peanut, and then I'll take care of this whole mess, you just go to rest for a while, ok"

- "Can you handle bath time?"- (Y/N) raised an eyebrow staring into her husband's eyes. She could look at him forever and never get tired. Gubler smiled and pecked her lips.

- "I'm gonna be fine. You go out to the backyard, enjoy some "alone time," because I'm gonna take care of everything."

(Y/N) wanted to believe him so bad. But there was a little voice inside her head (called experience) that kept telling her that was a bad idea.

- "Call me if you need me, ok?"- she said and looked at her son still running around the living room, dripping purple paint everywhere- "Did you give him sugar?"

Gubler was busted.

- "We shared a tiny chocolate bar..."- he whispered and smiled at his wife- "But don't worry! I've got it!"- she sighed, defeated, and shook her head.

- "Daddy! Daddy! daddy!"- Vincent yelled and hugged his father's- "Can we watch tv?"

- "Sure, Peanut, but first we have to take a bath"- Gubler held his son in his arms and started walking upstairs.

- "I don't wanna!"- he argued immediately. (Y/N) sighed and walked to their backyard. Matthew said he was going to take care of everything.

And to be fair, Matthew really tried to take care of everything. But the problem was simple: Sometimes, he wasn't really a dad; he acted like a kid. He loved his son so much, he could spoil him rotten, and (Y/N) would end up mad at the two of them.

For example, instead of bathing Vincent, the kid convinced him to play for a while. So, they had sat in his little playroom to play with his trains, leaving paint everywhere. And then, they snacked, 'cos the little boy got hungry and wanted a peanut butter sandwich.

- "Ok boo, it's time now"- he said when he noticed almost an hour had passed- "Let's take that bath"

- "No, dad. I want a movie"

- "Your mom is going to get mad if she finds out you haven't taken your bath"- but Vincent frowned and pouted.

- "Please daddy"- Matthew looked at him and sighed

- "Just five minutes of tv, then it's bath time"

That kid had him wrapped around his finger.

He had always wanted to have kids. And the day (Y/N) told him she was pregnant, he couldn't believe it. He kissed her with tears in his eyes and rubbed her belly, giggling.

- "I don't have a baby bump yet"- she whispered, feeling her lips against his as she spoke.

- "I know, but now that I know baby Gubler is in there, I am going to rub that belly forever"

And he really did. During the forty weeks, he talked every day to the belly. Sometimes he would read children's books or simply tell his son about his day and all the games he was going to play with him as soon as he was born. Matthew Gray Gubler was tailor-made to be a father. He just needed to start being one.

- "Of course"- (Y/N) whispered and widened her eyes as soon as she set foot inside the house after an hour. The living room was still a mess, and the paint was now dry on the floor and furniture. The kitchen was a battlefield, bread, peanut butter, and jelly everywhere.

- "Matthew?"

- "In the bathroom"

(Y/N) opened the door and found her husband and son taking a bath together. It was adorable, except for the fact it was all a mess. The floor was all wet, water mixed with paint everywhere.

- "Mommy! Dad made bubbles!"- Tommy was thrilled and kept splashing water all over.

- "That's great, boo!"- she smiled at her son, and he clapped, excited.

- "I'm gonna clean this up"- Matthew said right away, reading his wife's face- "I swear, bunny, it just took me a little longer to convince him to take a bath, but I'm cleaning everything as soon as we get out of here"

(Y/N) nodded, closed the door behind her back, and walked to the master bedroom. She needed a nap, 'cos she knew what was coming.

This wasn't the first time Matthew had promised he would take care of everything, to then simply spend all his time spoiling his son. (Y/N) knew that would happen from the first minute he said he was going to clean. And she wouldn't usually make a big deal out of it, but she was starting to feel tired of always being the bad cop. Gubler was the fun parent, and she was the one who just made the rules.

And it made her sad and mad. But mostly sad.

Of course, the three of them had fun together. They would make magic shows and play with puppets. They invented stories, did picnics in the backyard, baked and decorated many cakes and cookies, watched movies, and napped together. They really enjoyed their time as parents with their little son.

But each time they had to clean up, Matthew acted like another kid, who ended up making a bigger mess. Their son would follow and mimic everything his father did. And so, (Y/N) was the bad one, who killed the fun and forced them to do chores.

She hated that.

Matthew had no idea his wife felt that way. If he had known, he would have cleaned the living room earlier. And wouldn't have made such a big mess in the kitchen. The bathroom would be spotless. And not just that day, he would have stopped being a kid months ago. But he hadn't realized what was going on.

When Matthew finally took his son out of the bathtub and dress him, he was exhausted. Taking care of a kid was a lot of work. And he couldn't imagine how it would be with their little girl there too.

He managed to put his son to bed for a nap and tiptoed to the master bedroom to put an eye on his wife.

- "Hey Bunny, I thought you were sleeping"- he laid next to her and kissed her cheek softly. Her eyes were puffy from crying- "What is it? Are you ok? Why are you sad, baby?"- Matthew's voice was soft and caring. Soothing. (Y/N) closed her eyes for a second and waited for a few seconds before answering, 'cos she didn't want to start crying.

- "Bunny, are you ok? you are worrying me, should I call the doctor or..."

- "I just don't want our kid to hate me"- she murmured and broke into tears.

- "No, babe, why would he? he loves you so much"- Gubler hugged her and kissed her forehead sweetly- "He could never hate you"

- "I am always the bad one, and you are the fun dad!"- Matthew was honestly confused

- "What are you talking about? you are not the bad one"

- "I bet when boo doesn't want to do something, you threat him saying, "mommy is going to get mad", don't you?"

- "Of course not!"- Matthew denied it right away, but (Y/N) frowned, still sobbing- "Ok, I don't threaten him like that. I tell him what he is doing will make the two of us mad"

- "I'm the bad cop, Gubler, and I don't want him to grow up afraid I'm always going to be upset"

- "Why are you thinking all this?"

- "Because I'm upset!"- she finally said and sat down on the bed- "Every time you have to step up and be a father, you act like you are Vincent playdate, not a grown-up!"

- "What?"- Matthew sat next to (Y/N) and held her hand. He could see she was angry, but somehow, it looked more like sadness and frustration.

- "Gub, I love you. When I married you, I told you every flaw you think you have is my favorite thing about you, 'cos you are perfect for me."

She made a pause, feeling how her husband's thumb wiped off the tears from her cheeks, carefully.

- "But?"- he whispered

- "But I don't wanna be the only one telling boo he has to brush his teeth or take a bath, or being mad when he makes a mess..."- (Y/N) pouted again, and Matthew sighed. He never really thought she felt that way.

- "I know you love him more than anything in the whole world, but another way to love him is making ground rules for him"- she continued- "I just don't wanna be bad guy, you are so awesome and fun, and I'm who always ruins the party" (Y/N)'s chin quivered, and Gubler hugged her immediately- "Maybe it's the hormones, but..."

- "No, Bunny, you are right. I'm a softy dad with him..."

- "I don't want you to turn into a drill sergeant. I just want you on my side when he doesn't clean his room."- Gubler looked at his wife, and his heart ached- "And please, don't leave me cleaning every mess on my own to keep on playing with him"

Matthew was about to argue, but he couldn't. There were too many examples around the house to prove it. The living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, and the playroom she still hadn't seen, but that he knew was a disaster.

- "I'm on your side, Bunny, I swear. And to prove it to you I'm gonna make you a cup of herbal tea, I'll bring you your book, and then I'll leave you here to rest while I clean the house and make dinner"- he kissed her cheeks, her forehead, her lips and the tip of her nose- "I just don't want you to be sad"

- "I don't wanna make you feel like a crappy dad, 'cos you are the best. Boo is so lucky to have you. And this little Bean is going to be so happy with you"- (Y/N) rubbed her belly and felt Matthew kissing her again.

- "Our kids are lucky to have you as their mom, and I am lucky to have you in my life every day."- (Y/N) smiled, finally, and held his face with both hands.

- "Let's call it even, though I have the feeling I am more lucky 'cos you are bringing me tea and cookies... and maybe a little chocolate."- Matthew chuckled and nodded.

- "Whatever my wife needs."

- "I love you Gubs"

- "I love you too, bunny"

- "I'm glad I'm gonna see you go from daddy to dad"- he stared in silence and ran his tongue through his lips- "What?"- but Matthew didn't answer. He smiled for a second and then slowly leaned in and whispered.

- "In this room, there's no dad. Here I am always your daddy".

#spencer reid #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid fanfic #fluff #matthew gray gubler x reader #criminal minds fanfics #matthew gray gubler fanfic #criminal minds #babymetaldoll writes

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abbystanaccount · 4 years ago

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Abby and Owen having an affair/seeing each-other while Owen was with Mel (before the boat encounter) is a theory I see thrown around sometimes but honestly I disagree that it happened. Now that doesn’t stop me from writing that prompt (😏), but I don’t think it happened for the following reasons:

Number one is just their dynamic in the Christmas flashback, yes they’re weird about talking about Mel and they’re playful, but they act like two people that really just haven’t hung out one-on-one in a while. Abby hasn’t been back in the aquarium in a long time, maybe since the first time, and Owen’s basically shocked when she shows up. And when she’s like ‘this a bad time?m And he stares at her dumbfounded it’s NOT in “oh shit, booty call in the aquarium?” type way and Abby when asks about if Mel is there, it’s in an innocent way and not like in a way that implies anything extra. Their dynamic then, a year into Owen and Mel’s relationship, though there’s a tiny bit of teasing like with the archery game isn’t screaming affair. They aren’t acting very sneaky like they’re hiding something. Maybe they just turn their brains off and are fooling around on the dl and just don’t acknowledge it at all, but I really get 0 from that flashback.

Now, onto when Owen tells Abby that Mel is pregnant. He’s wracked conflicted emotions, up all night in the cold pacing, clearly not happy with the situation. I’ll give the believers in this theory something, they are definitely more clingy with eachother in this part and actually do seem to at least being separating themselves from the others to an extent. For instance, Leah’s pic of only them and all the times they’d just be off to the side talking one on one. Abby also when she notices the snow on Owen’s jacket and touches him and is very nonchalant, meanwhile Owen is uncomfortable by it after learning the news and turns his head away.

Owen likely found out the news from Mel on the trip maybe like a day or two before because that’s when he starts acting weird. Owen and Mel weren’t going to work out long term, even if nothing big had happened, they likely would have broken up around this time or soon after. Owen did all those nice things for Mel like dress up the aquarium and stuff, but it doesn’t matter because he’s still in love with Abby. Abby even thinks they could possibly break up because as seen with her question to him when he’s acting weird. Owen was probably realizing this too, but now he’s stuck in the relationship because Mel is pregnant.

We know Owen tried to move on with someone else but we don’t really know what Abby did besides the fact that she’s single and probably did not try to have any long term relationships post break up, as she was busy with her mission and training and whatever. But Owen since her dad died has really been her one person that has been there most of all. Idk if it’s in game but in the whole Abby dialogues video she states that she’s glad he came with her to Jackson, ‘she didn’t know how she’d handle this with just the others.’ Abby told him last about the trip because she needed to make sure he’d come with her. They may not be dating anymore but Owen is still the person she cares about most in the world. I bet both of them dreamed that if she just got over this Joel thing, then one way or another things would be okay again and they could get back together.

But when Owen reveals Mel is pregnant, this is is when reality hits them. This pipe dream is dead. He has to stay with Mel now. Abby sees herself fully losing Owen here, he’s with someone else, he’s going to have a baby with someone else, and he doesn’t even support her plan to hunt down Tommy and to make people tell them where Joel is. She takes it really personal and as a betrayal, like he’d never really been on her side. She sees herself as alone. That’s why Abby acted the way she did. I don’t think an affair of any kind had to have been involved. Abby just felt isolated, angry, and like everyone turned their back on her.

#I think I talked about part of this before #analysis #abby #Owen #I can’t add read more on mobile hhh

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cagenewman · 2 years ago

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Rubbing his fingertips over his forehead, Cage didn't care about the smears that it left behind, the sweat he was pushing up into his hairline. He was frustrated. "Because I don't have any reason to talk to someone about something that I don't know anything about, that's what I am trying to tell you," his voice was weary, tired, wanting to just be done with talking about heavy things that he didn't understand and wasn't privvy to. "That's like saying…" he threw up his arm with frustration, "you're in the wrong for not talking to Cordelia about something she never told you -- if she never told you, why would you ask? How would you know to ask? Why would it be brought up? That's all I'm trying to say," he was exasperated, dropping his arm to his side. "If there's something going on at home, then she knows that she can talk to me, or talk to Kellan, it's his house, his estate."

"I'm twi--" the laugh that left Cage's mouth was genuinely amused. He didn't understand how he could be accused of twisting anyone's words when he was simply reacting to what was being said, but he said nothing. If his father had taught him anything, it was not to engage. That sometimes it was better to say nothing at all. The irony of it all was that Cage had barely said anything, and the more that it went on, the less that he felt like he wanted to continue, but he would. For Cordelia. For his girlfriend and the future that they were trying to build together, for the little girl that he looked after as his own, for the fact that Cordelia couldn't lose any more family, and he wouldn't be the wedge that came between them.

"I don't care if you don't like me," he replied honestly, meeting Tommy's gaze dead-on, refusing to back down. He took a deep, steadying breath. "And I don't want you to take this wrong, or get angry at me for saying it, but it… doesn't matter to me what other people think about my relationship with your sister. Does it hurt when people don't approve or think that I'm going to screw it all up again? Assume I'm not good enough? Yeah, sure. But I'm not going to let it change how I feel. And I'm not saying that you're saying those things -- I'm just painting a broader picture." His father would have been proud of his posture, his lifted chin, his level breathing. Cage of ten, fifteen years ago would have thrown punches first and talked later, especially if someone called him a dumb fuck and talked to him the way he had been talked to that afternoon, in a heated conversation. He would have wrestled Tommy, no matter how much taller or bigger the other man was, right down into that lake. "When I told you to get the lecture over with, it isn't because it's something that I need to hear. It's because it's something that you need to get off your chest, because we're stuck with each other," he gestured between the two of them, and then took a deep breath before continuing on.

"I hear you. I respect what you are saying." After a beat, Cage shoved a hand back through his hair before letting his hand fall to his side. "Regardless of how you feel about me, how I feel about you, I think that we can both agree with our whole hearts that Cordelia and Rosalyn deserve something -- someone -- good. And I know you haven't been here to see it, but I have been good to them, Tommy," his voice strained over the last few words, hurt evident that anyone could ever think that they would need to tell Cage Newman himself to better himself, to be a good person for his girlfriend, her daughter, himself when he had spent so much of his life doing just that; becoming a better person than the guy who drove out of town at eighteen, the guy who got a girl pregnant on the road. "So I'm not going to stand here and agree to any kind of invisible terms or standards set by you or society or anyone else in the world, and I don't mean that against you at all," he held up his hand in defense. "But what I can tell you," his voice softened, balling his hand at his side, "is that I cannot imagine any scenario in my future without her in it at this point. And I'm pretty sure she's there with me. You mentioned my intentions with her... I don't have intentions with Cordelia, because it doesn't work like that, it's not about what I want from her or with her. She'd ask me to move mountains and I would, Tommy. Okay?" @tommybrowning

"I didn't mean your actual kid," Tommy mutters, a shake to his head. He forgets about Colton often. Everything he was saying was being twisted and thrown back at him. He has no idea how he got into this argument, how somehow Cage thought he was being blamed for things Tommy isn't blaming him for. "I never said that? Are we having the same conversation here? How did 'have you spoken to your sister on this thing' turn into 'you are to blame for this thing'? What?" Tommy is so confused, lost to why Cage would twist that so personally. "Good, you have a life? You still talk to your sister last I heard?" He is lost as to why a simple conversation with Marlow seemed to be a weight one could not carry. “I just thought you��d be the right person for her to talk to. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

"You're pissing me off because you're twisting everything I said! Like, what I'm supposed to just stand here and have you go off at me when I was I never said grow and change 'for Cordelia'! You have taken one sentence and thrown all this insecure bullshit at it. You heard what you wanted to hear and not what I was saying. Like fuck, what even is this conversation?" He lets out a frustrated noise, wanting to be anywhere but here. He retreats for his sanity and hoping to end things before they got out of hand, it feels like things were just spiralling downwards.

Tommy is half undressed when Cage says his little line about not changing anything, that he loved Cordelia. Tommy didn't want to change anything, he didn't have a problem with Cage being in love with her. Tommy has to close his eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Cordelia will kill me. You love Cordelia. The mental chant with a few deep inhales has him trying one last time. That's all he has in him. "I seriously do not like you right now," he starts as a warning, his words paced slower. "You have got this so twisted from what I meant to what you think is being said. I walked away like an adult because if I don't, I will act like a child, and throw fists. Do I want that? Yes. Do I want my sister upset? No. So, this is me, trying, and if you interrupt me and twist my words again I'm getting in my car and going to the bar to forget this conversation ever happened. " His hands move as he talks, moving with each sentence as if he was pulling them out ever so delicately.

"I do not have a problem with you. I do not think you are not good enough. I do not think you are a fool - though right now, that could be a lie." Tommy was trying but Cage was not his favourite person. "I do - and I will elaborate - I do, expect you to be the type of person who grows to be better when there are parts of you that aren't enough. Nowhere in that am I saying enough for my sister, or enough for me. You expected a lecture on not being good enough. I never even put you on a damn scale. If there is something that is apparently not enough, work on it. Better yourself." He holds a hand up in a pause motion before anything can be said "For YOU." The hand draps. "I expect who is with my sister to be able to do that because she has got to do that too, not just as a couple. She has been with people who don't look at themselves and work on themselves. They worry about not being enough or think they're so flawless nothing should change. Where are they now? Fools watching her with you, sharing everything with you. You seems to argue you are a person who works on shit, great, you meet my one fucking expectation." A pause to take a breath, feeling worked up again. "And that line? The one about standing by like a fool? Was brought up in regards to the cliche 'if you hurt my sister' line, which I assume you do not want to do nor have plans to do, and she has no reason to move on... so you wouldn't be the fool now would you? This is a worst case scenario which you don’t want, I don’t want, so why are you still talking about it?"

@cagenewman

#writing with thomas #thomas 001 #;; it's all good!!! tumblr's dumb <3

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tlou-1 · 4 years ago

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Joel x Reader (Home) - Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - Big News (You share your news with your family and receive some bigs news of your own + wedding)

Thankfully it didn’t appear your ankle or foot was severely damaged but the doctor had asked you to avoid putting weight on it and to revisit her in two weeks for a final once over. More importantly your family were elated by your and Joel’s news, Molly couldn’t believe you were actually settling down after all these years, the same for Tommy with Joel. The things about Jackson is, they tried to celebrate things as much as possible. It often gave people something to look forward to and revel in something joyful... in saying that these things could potentially get bigger than needed.

A couple days later after the proposal, Joel and you are sat opposite each other on the sofa one afternoon, your legs resting a top of his enjoying the peaceful cosy day. You were looking at him for sometime, mulling over how you wanted to marry Joel Miller but in a way that suited you both. “Joel?” You say softly, he looks up from the book he was reading “hmm?” He replies his mind slowly rejoining the real world.

“What if we were to get married soon?” You ask, pulling his book down further away from his face.

“How soon?” He asks now looking at you.

“In a week or two?” You shrug trying to suggest it as casually as possible. You explain your logic, in that the longer you leave it, the more things will get out of hand and people would have time to prepare. Neither of you were the big wedding type and neither wanted a fuss. Something simple in the church with a small group of people was more than enough.

“Damn - why didn’t I think of that?” He chuckles.

“So you agree? Something simple, in the church just over a week from now? Say next Sunday?” you smile.

“Sounds perfect” he sighs and goes back to reading his book.

The plan is simple, a small wedding in the church with your family and friends. Joel was to borrow a shirt and tie from Tommy and you planned on wearing the one dress you owned, it was not formal but it was the best you could do. Molly however had another plan for your dress, a few nights before the big day, you, Ellie and Joel had joined Molly and Jesse for dinner. At the end of the meal Molly stood up from the table and announced she had something to show you and Ellie and that the boys would have to keep themselves occupied in the meantime. In her spare room on the bed lay a dress, it was a cream sheath gown very simple and classic.

“I need you to try it on so I can fit it properly to you” Molly said as she tied up her hair.

“How did you - did you make this?” You ask overwhelmed.

“Tried to, I have always been a dab hand with a needle and I had some help from the girls in town. We couldn't find any white material but I think this is pretty close. Even had some lace left over from a curtain to make a veil”. You couldn’t help but pull her into your arms and thank her. You didn’t want anything fancy but you did have to admit the thought of being so underdressed at your own wedding had been daunting.

The day before your wedding, you found Joel in the bathroom with a razor exceedingly close to his jaw.

“Oh no - is the thought of marrying me really so bad or are you just worried about Tommy’s speech?” You sigh over dramatically, peering your head into the bathroom. Joel has a bit of a chuckle but goes back to focusing on the task at hand.

“I am actually trying to shave this thing before tomorrow” he says inching closer to the mirror for a better look. He seems defeated when you approach him and slowly take the blade from his hand, “Please don’t” you smile up at him, running your hand along the ruff hair on his jaw.

“Why not? Everyone else is telling me I should. That I should be clean shaved for the day” he gruffs.

“Because, I want my husband to look like Joel Miler” you say giving him a kiss before putting the blade away in a drawer.

“Plus you look sexy with a beard” you joke as he playfully taps your ass as you leave the room.

“Trust it to start snowing on the one day I put on a dress” you joke standing in the hallway of the church. Everyone else except you and Jesse were seated, Maria had decided to set a few round tables out for friends and neighbours to sit, with your and Joel’s family seated together at the front on a long table.

“You know most people would think that was romantic” Jesse laughed placing your arm in the crook of his. He asked if you were ready, ‘To marry Joel? Of course. To have everyone looking at me? Absolutely not’ you thought but you nodded and made your way into the church hall. The room had been adorned with fairy lights and kept simple like you had asked.

After the short service you and Joel sat side by side while members of you family celebrated with you. As Tommy got up to give his speech which Joel had insisted he did not have to give, you took Joel’s hand under the table “Just relax, how bad could it be?”. Turns out pretty bad, even cracking jokes about Joel’s first wedding years ago that just didn't quite land but that somehow made it all the more funny.

Ellie got up from her seat and cleared her throat as though she were about to give a follow up speech but Joel quickly sat her back into her seat “I don’t think I can take another one Kiddo”. Maria announced it was time for your first dance together as Mr and Mrs Miller, “But we didn’t pick a song?” You whispered in Joel’s ear as you make you way to the centre of the room.

“We didn’t but I thought you wouldn’t mind if I picked for us” he pulled you in as the music started playing. Crazy Love from your Van Morrison record started playing.

“A very nice choice Mr Miller. If I remember correctly this played the first night we spent together” you smile.

“It was Mrs Miller and we will spending tonight and every other night together from now on. I am going to feel a little bad taking that dress off you later though, you look stunning” he whispers and you can feel his breath on your neck as you both slowly sway to the music.

You settle into married life pretty quickly, not much changes it turns out except Joel occasionally calling you wife and you calling him husband. “You best make a call at Dr.Henry’s this morning” Joel called to you as you began putting your boots on to take Bruce out. You groan “Joel, I am perfectly fine. You know that”.

“Oh I know that darling but if you could just let Doc know that, maybe she will stop asking me to send my wife across for her final check up” he jokes but you agree to go.

“How’s the foot feeling?” Dr. Henry asks, she was a kind and warm women not much older than you.

“It’s honestly much better now, thank you so much for taking a look at it a couple weeks ago” you fake a smile. You felt bad but you hated being examined and wanted to leave the room as soon as possible.

“That’s good to hear, that’s good” she trails off.

“Great, do you mind if I get going?” You say quickly pulling your socks and boots back on before she can try and examine anything else like last time.

“Y/N, your foot isn’t why I asked you to come visit me. The last time I ran a couple different tests just to get a general view of your health” she sits down next to you.

“Yes I vaguely remember you sticking a needle in my arm and asking me to pee in a cup Doc. Please don’t make me do that again” you whine which makes the doctor laugh.

“No, it’s actually about the results from last time. I had a look at the samples and well - well you are pregnant”. She explains.

You feel what you thought was a knot in your stomach, but in a second you realise that knot was potentially a baby.

#tlou #tlou part 2 #Joel Miller #Joel Miller x Reader #Joel Miller Imagine #Joel Miller Series #Joel Miller Smut #Joel Miller Fluff #Joel Miller Fanfiction #Joel Miller Fanfic #tlou fanfic #the last of us fanfiction #TLOU fanfiction #The Last of Us #The Last go Us Part ii

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prince--thomas · 3 years ago

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All for One ~~ [The Golden Brio]

In which Tom shares his news with his best mates...[takes place: early October]

@captain--john, @knightley--phillip

[tw -- brief talk of abortion, general angst/depression/etc.]

THOMAS: When Annie had left, Tom had stayed sitting at the kitchen table for what felt like hours. It wasn’t actually that long. The dogs eventually got restless, having missed their midafternoon walk. Tom got up when Fly started pawing at his pant leg. Robotically, he’d moved toward the front door, hooked them both up on their leashes and took them into the grey day.

Outside looked the same as it always had. Part of Tom expected this stupid, bullshit magical town to look different for some reason. But no, the rest of the world turned on as it always had. Tom was the only one who was different. He felt lost, even though he’d walked these Swynlake roads so often that they no longer twisted and turned on him. His mind was moving sluggishly as it tried to unstick all the facts from his anxious, disbelieving mind.

Annie was pregnant. It was his. She was keeping it. He was going to be a father.

With every step, he repeated these facts until they felt more solid. Unavoidable.

And then, he started to plan. His job at the fire department didn’t pay extremely well, maybe he’d have to change jobs. Or pick up more shifts. Or get a second job. His mother had sent him a fair bit of his inheritance, but he knew it was all that he would ever see of it. Enough for maybe college? Fuck. He needed to tell John and Phil. This was not just because they were his mates, but because it could become complicated. If it was a boy (he prayed it wasn’t a boy), then the Order would try to come for him, as they had agreed to. Thank God he hadn’t sworn it in blood, the way he’d sworn not to pick up a sword again. John and Phil needed to be told this was coming.

If that was not the case, Tom didn’t think he would tell them right away. He wasn’t eager to share his stupid fucking mistake with them. He was ashamed. He was guilty. He felt like an idiot.

He wanted to call his Ma, but he couldn’t do that. She’d tell the rest of the Order. That didn’t stop him from missing her, from wanting her advice. Instead, he just had John and Phil. Who had just as much of a clue as him about all of this.

Eventually, he took the dogs back home after walking them for an hour or so. Phil and John were home soon, he was sure. Until then—

Honestly, he wasn’t sure what he had been doing before the front door turned and Phil and John sauntered in together, done with their classes for the day. Tom was sitting at the dining table on his laptop, which he closed when he saw them, his lips pressed together, his palms sweating.

“Oi,” he said, catching them before they could walk into the rest of the house. He wiped his hands on his trousers and leaned back in his chair. “I, uh—well, I’ve something to tell you both. It’s...not good.” His gaze flicked to John first, then Phil, before dropping to the table.

PHILLIP: “Well, you sure know how to welcome two blokes home,” said Phillip, sticking out his tongue. All in all, he wasn’t super concerned about this whole interaction — after all, the last time Tommy had pulled them in for something like this, his dog had gotten knocked up and that had been more funny than anything actually concerning. Also, they’d literally just undergone the worst thing that any of them had imagined growing up (getting totally cut off from their family and disowned and disavowed and thrown out like trash), so really, anything else that followed was

Phillip took a detour to the kitchen, grabbing a can of Red Bull, and then plopped himself in the seat in front of Tommy.

“So… what’s up? Girl troubles? Dog troubles? Both?”

JOHN: Through all of this mess, showdown, blood pacts, and oh fucks what do we do, John had coped. He had his budgeting spreadsheets out. They were itemized and down to the cent for everything. He had margins for wiggle room but there wasn’t much. They all had to get jobs, which he’d already started at the Deer as a bartender as well as his TA stipend and Tom had always had his firefighting, and Phillip was doing what he did best. Sell himself in whatever he felt fit to do. He didn’t really worry about ole Phil.

What he did worry about was Tom’s current state waiting for them as he and Phillip walked through those doors. The bloke had been withdrawn and guilty the last couple weeks. Skulking around and just being well, not quite Tom-like. Phillip bounced back despite all the shit he covered up with that plaster of a smile, Tom wasn’t as easily patched.

It worried him. And it worried him even more now in that ominous sort of tone of his. Numbers, figures and facts comforted John Smith, emotions did not.

“You never admitted the puppy situation was a horrible, god awful idea so please tell me what I must brace myself for, Thomas.” He crossed his arms, mouth already in a frown and his gaze scrutinizing, looking over his friend as he sat himself down next to Phillip.

THOMAS: Tom ignored Phil’s quips.

They bounced right off of him. He was too wound tight to let them affect him. It was a good thing too, considering that Phil had come dangerously close to the mark and the thought made him sick.

It was John’s gaze that made him want to squirm. He did, just a bit. Leaning back so that his chair was on two legs, then plopping back down again, his knee starting to bounce underneath the dining room table.

How was he supposed to tell them? How was he supposed to disappoint them? Again. He had disappointed them by being the one to throw down his sword first. No matter what they said, he felt there would always be guilt in his heart for that. It had been the right thing to do, but he had ruined both of their lives.

And now--this.

Tom, always the most emotional. Always the stupidest of the three. For years, it had been John and Phil that protected him from his own stupidity. By the reputation alone, Tom had felt invincible with his name next to his friends but now--

Tom dropped his head into his hands, his elbows on his knees. His forehead nearly knocked into the dining room table. His fingers tugged at his curls.

“Annie Tremaine came by today. She’s--well, we slept together a few weeks ago. Right after...everything. I dunno. I was drunk and not thinking straight.” Tom wouldn’t usually feel the need to explain a one night stand to them, but--context was important.

“She told me she’s pregnant,” Tom told the floor. “And that it’s mine.” His voice twisted on the last word, like it was glass in his throat.

PHILLIP: “What —” Phillip coughed, choking on his sip of Red Bull. He had to thump his chest a bit as he hacked up his lungs, eventually swallowing the sugary sweet taste of the drink mixed with his saliva. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he gave one final cough and flicked his eyes to Tom. “And you’re getting rid of it — right?”

There was no other fucking solution — the Order would swoop in and claim Tom’s kid if it was a boy and Phillip did not want to deal with that. Besides, Annie Tremaine had like five other kids or something and she’d really be doing the world a favor if she just took care of this speedily.

Then he paused.

“Wait a second — how do you even know the thing’s yours?” He gestured with his can of Red Bull to make a point.

JOHN: John’s eyes narrowed at the mention of another girl. Women just seemed to cause trouble in their lives, and most importantly, it was women in Thomas’ lives that endangered them every time John could clean up a mess.

Rose, Marie, Arista, now Annie, some sort of carousel of women that Thomas just rotating and riding and causing each of the poles they were located to skewer John repeatedly in his pockets as well as his sanity in this infinite circle of madness.

As the news came in, he felt his blood boil and his jaw clench. They didn’t have room for this in their budget. How in the bloody--

Phillip was speaking now and John felt himself relax slightly. Dear, dear, Phillip, John could certainly kiss him at this very moment but that would be very disturbing and quite wrong. Those were the options. Get rid of it, or at least get a paternity test on the thing. Who knew who this Annie Tremaine was or if she would have some sort of fling with Thomas, why couldn’t she have a fling with others.

“Phillip is right. You need to make sure.” He said it offhandedly, already getting up from the couch and heading straight for his bag that held his laptop and schoolwork. He sat himself down on the kitchen table and opened his laptop and opened his color coordinated, macro filled, tabulated spreadsheet and opened a new tab. Baby Budget

He then began typing furiously into it, sighing out deeply every now and then a “Fuckin’ hell.”

John didn’t look up, he was too busy trying to figure out the damages, his search engines already browsing for average baby budgets. He didn’t look up as he spoke, “Thomas, you know I do love you as I do Phillip. But if I get a bloody ulcer this year... ”

THOMAS: As far as reactions went, this was better than expected, though also exactly what was expected.

Phil and John were more level-headed than he was. He hadn’t even thought about whether or not the baby was his. Anastasia had said it was...why would he question that? Then again, until recently, he had a Wikipedia page and a net worth of a few million quid. There was every reason for her to lie. He felt embarrassed, not having realized this, and also confused because...well, he’d sat with the news for a few hours now and he had gotten--

Okay with it was a strong statement, but he had accepted it. Mostly. Now, it felt as if another wrench had been thrown at him. Right at his shins. Intent on making him fall to his knees. Instead, he just hung his head, like a child being scolded. That was what he felt like. Stupid. Like a child. Not ready for a child. And like a burden to his friends.

That was the most prominent feeling. It was Tom who had not been able to carry out their orders. Tom who had thrown down his sword and let them be captured by the enemy. Tom, who, with his stupid mistakes, was putting them all in danger oncee again.

He swallowed roughly and shifted in his seat. “I’m sorry,” he rasped out, trying his best not to cry, but he was bloody exhausted. And it felt like he had nothing left to do but cry. Which wasn’t manly or brave. Phil and John wouldn’t respect him for it. It would only make all of this worse. So, he reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath until he knew his voice would be stronger.

Then, he looked up. “I dunnae kin if it’s mine, but that’s what she told me. That she hasn’t been with anyone else. And that she’s keeping it.” He said most of this to Phil, then glanced at John. “It’s--it’s not your responsibility to budget for. I-I make okay money at the fire station. I’ll get a second job. This isn’t--I’ll handle this. If it is…” my kid. “I’ll handle it.”

PHILLIP: Phillip felt like someone’d just punched him right in the gut. He regretted what he’d said. He knew he could be callous when it came to these things, if only ‘cuz he couldn’t understand why the hell anyone would want to keep an unwanted pregnancy. But this wasn’t Phillip and his millions of lays and girls whose names he did not remember — this was soft-hearted Tommy, and of course, Tommy would be totally okay with this bird keeping his kid, and of course, Tommy would want to handle it.

His gaze softened.

“I know you will, Tommy,” he said, slowly. “And you’ll be a great father. I know it. But the point is, you don’t have to handle this alone. We’re here for you, okay? No matter what, till the end. We’ve always got your back. I’m not bad with kids, you know? S’long as they’re not mine.” He chuckled, leaning a bit back in his seat, but the smile faded from his face slightly. “You don’t — if you don’t want us to help, that’s fine. But we will. We always will.” And here, he cast a glance at John. “Right, J?”

JOHN: John was quiet, his brain was working a mile a minute, he’d been listening but it wasn’t until Phillip said his name that he looked up from the document, suddenly pulled from his disaster preparation and failsafes and he truly looked at his mates. Phillip soft and Thomas on the verge of tears.

“Yes.

He slowly shut his laptop and pushed it forward, standing and walking over to his mates. His bristled panic response died down as he crossed the living room

“Thomas… that reaction was not to say that you’ve burdened us with something, that was me just, well-- it's the only way I know how to help.” He gave a bit of a begrudging smile as he clapped him on the shoulder, “You know I’m no good with caring for children or puppies or anything really that’s alive and has a mind of its own that’s not fully developed.” He exhaled a bit, “But what I can do is help you with what I’m good at. Financials. Responsibilities. And I will always help you, just as Philly said. Because you’re our family, you know. We’re all we have.”

THOMAS: We’re all we have.

John squeezed his shoulder and Tom had to bite down hard on the inside of his cheek.

He wanted it to be enough. For Phil to be enough, for John to be enough, for the both of them to be enough. The problem was: they didn’t know shit about raising a baby. None of them did. Tom wanted his sisters. Wanted his mum. Yeah, he was a grown ass man and he had never wanted his mum as badly as he wanted her right now.

But his mum had turned her back on him. Texts, unanswered. Calls unanswered. She was ashamed of him. She probably hated him.

Who Tom had was Phil and John. Just as lost as him, though probably better off. He was bloody grateful for them though, because he knew that he couldn’t do this alone. There was no way that he would be able to do so. But maybe, with their help, he could--be a decent father. Maybe not a good one, but a decent one. With their help, he knew that he could keep his child safe. And that meant more to him than anything.

He nodded, swallowing roughly again. “Aye, thanks. Thank ye, both. I--don’t think I could do this without you.”

There were other things that he wanted to say. Reassure John he’d be a perfect uncle. Joke with Phil that he’d not let his baby alone with him. Tell them both he loved them. But these were things he had never been taught how to say. So, instead, he just sniffled a bit and squared his shoulders.

“I’m goin’ for a walk.” How were they to know he’d already walked the length of Swynlake this morning. “C’mon Gilly, Fly.” He turned and looked over his shoulder once more, giving them both a nod and a tight lipped smile and then disappeared out the door.

#swynjohn #swynphillip #tohn #tomlip #the golden brio #JUNIOR #all for one #brotp: we are all we have #it's honestly DISGRACEFUL #we don't have any official #brotp tags for them

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hargrove-mayfields · 4 years ago

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so sorry im late asking this (i was waiting for you to get more, super surprised you didn’t get more asks tbh) but could I hear more about your wips “I have a crush on Barbara Holland” “baby fic” and “HOH Steve” also if it’s not too much “girlyfriends” and “cali house” and “medical emergency” ik ik that’s a lot but I’d honestly want hear about ALL of you wips in that list if i could. thank u in advance

It’s alright anon! I’ll accept these asks until I run out of WIPs to talk about!

I have a crush on Barbara Holland- This one is a soulmates au, where Steve has his soulmates initials, B.H., on his wrist, and he is whole heartedly convinced that that person is Barb. He’s very much in love with her, and there’s lots of talk about how pretty and nice she is (hence the title lol) but eventually she reveals that he isn’t her soulmate. Before she had hid the initials on her own wrist under a watch or a chunky bracelet, but she feels guilty, and shows Steve that her mark had long ago faded, because her soulmate passed away when they were in elementary school. Steve decides, despite how much value he used to hold in the whole soulmate thing, he doesn’t care about who some stupid mark says he should be with, so him and Barb date until her death. He’s heart broken, but the sadness very quickly turns into so much anger after Billy Hargrove, another B.H. rolls into town with a little S.H. on his wrist. He feels like the universe or whoever is even in charge of this soulmate bullshit is spiting him for thinking he could fall in love with someone he wasn’t destined to be with, so he rejects Billy for a long, long time, even after he himself figured it out that Steve is his match. When he does start to feel that way about Billy, he struggles with so much guilt and has to go through a very long grieving process to be comfortable with his feelings, because he’s not even sure if they’re his genuine feelings or the work of this soulmate bond. Very long and very angsty.

baby fic- Nancy gets pregnant that first time at the party with Tommy and Carol, and her and Steve try really really hard to make things work out for their baby, but it just isn’t meant to be. They make an arrangement that the Harringtons are very not pleased with, where Nancy has the baby at the Byers house half the time (because let’s be honest I think the Wheelers house is not really a safe place to be raising a baby) and Steve has her the rest of the time. Because it was like, a much more mature breakup without the cheating and the drunken confessions, they’re still pretty close friends. When the upside down starts making an appearance again, they have to try to figure out how to navigate it with this little four month old baby, and that means getting some help involved. Billy shows up at the Byers and instead of a fight, Steve’s all exhausted like oh good, you’re finally here, and gives him the worlds fastest run down of this monster fighting shit with a crying baby on his hip, and like, Billy just can’t say no to him asking him to go into the tunnels while he watches the baby. There is eventual Harringrove after a while, but it’s a slow burn for sure. This is also probably the least serious and least angsty thing I have ever started to write.

HOH Stevie- They’re all in the government hospital getting their post Starcourt once overs, Billy and El of course being rushed into surgery, and Steve’s about to get discharged when he gets addressed by name and just, does not respond at all. The doctor is like hmm, and checks his ears, and they find out he has almost no hearing in his left ear, and only about forty percent in the right. All that head trauma from the Russians and then all of the explosions of the fireworks, it leaves him deaf.

Everyone tries to be supportive, but his dad refuses to let him get hearing aids because he doesn’t believe he actually needs them (Steve’s a diagnosed hypochondriac) so for the next several months while his parents are still home waiting for their next trip, he’s struggling. He basically gets iced out by the party because he just can’t hear anything they’re saying, and the kids get tired of repeating themselves, and Nancy got insulted the one time he told her her voice is too quiet, and Robin wants to do things right for him, but she forgets sometimes, and will ramble on about something without looking at him and everytime he’s like great, I didn’t catch a single word of that, lovely talk though. It’s very frustrating and isolating and nobody seems to want to make accommodations for him.

The very same day that his parents leave for their latest vacation, he goes back to hospital. At first he just has to get more testing done, since it had been upwards of six months since the last time they saw him, and on his way out he notices Max in the waiting room chairs. He hadn’t seen much of her at all since Starcourt, so he checks on her, and at first she tells him to go away, because her friends have said some not so nice things about how much time she spends at the hospital, and assumes Steve is there to tell her Billy isn’t worth it too. Because that’s not the case, he ends up going in the room to visit Billy with her.

They do the small talk, the awkward, sorry about the fact that you’ve been in the hospital for six months now and nobody wants to come see you thing, and at some point Billy realizes that Steve can’t hear a damned thing he’s saying. He tests his theory by saying Steve’s name when he’s not looking and just waiting for him to answer but, surprise he doesn’t because he didn’t hear it at all, and Billy’s just like, you’re deaf aren’t you?

The progression of the fic is basically Steve coming to visit Billy everytime he has an appointment for his hearing (and more, but Bill doesn’t know that) but the day of his last appointment to make sure his hearing aids are functioning as well as they ever will for how bad off his hearing is, Billy’s acting different.

When he’d first walked into his room Billy had been surprisingly bright eyed and bushy-tailed for what he went through, but now he’s just acting all mopey. Max makes him tell Steve what’s wrong, and he confesses that he feels like he’s going to get left behind now that Steve’s all better, because then he has no real reason to visit him anymore. But Steve has one very good reason, and the rest of the story is him making sure Billy knows it.

girlyfriends- This’n’s sort of a non-canon compliant character study about aromantic! Billy, focusing on how awful and uncomfortable he felt with his past girlfriends, messing up dates and never going as far as they wanted him to, which at the time he pinned on liking boys instead, but then after he gets with Steve, he feels like this is different and he likes it, but he’s still not too big on all the lovey dovey, romance stuff. He rationalizes it as like, maybe just being a side effect of him being an asshole or something, but he‘s actually super insecure about how he is in relationships. There is a fluffy resolution though where he embraces his identity, it’s really not all doom and gloom, boo hoo I hate myself stuff.

cali house- Years after Starcourt, the boys have moved to a decent house in California using their government hush hush money, and they’re there for only about a month when Billy’s mother shows up at their door.

She says she caught wind that her son was back in town and wanted to come see him, after all this time. Billy of course lets her back in his life immediately, his mom meant so much to his recovery process and now that she’s here, he can’t turn her away, but Steve’s a little suspicious of her intentions.

He thinks that if she wanted to see Billy, she would’ve done that years ago before he ever even left Cali in the first place, or that you know, she wouldn’t have fucking left him behind. He tries to bring it up with Billy gently, but he won’t hear it, and he feels beyond hurt by the suggestion because he thinks Steve is just jealous that he’s spending time with his mother, who he hasn’t seen for upwards of fifteen years at this point.

They fight and avoid each other for a few days until Billy’s momma admits when he brings it up, over lunch or something saying like, “Steve thought you were using me or something, isn’t that crazy?” and she’s just like “Well, actually...”and tells him that money was tight, and she needed a little extra money, so Billy and his disability checks and his rich (boy)friend seemed like the perfect opportunity to get some.

He goes back home to Steve and expects him to be mad, to rub it in that he was right, but he’s really not, he’s super supportive, and you know, Billy finally realizes he doesn’t need to have this bullshit family thing with his mother, because he already has one, Max and Steve and his friends and all the people that actually care about him.

medical emergency (tw attempted suicide)-

Billy, who’s living on his own in an apartment downtown after Starcourt, deliberately doesn’t get his prescriptions refilled because he’s so done. He’s weak and he’s hurting and he doesn’t feel like himself anymore, and he just feels like he wouldn’t care if his body gave up, if he suffocated in his sleep or had another heart attack. So he doesn’t take care of himself, and when he runs out of oxygen he just doesn’t go get anymore, but he’s halfway to choking on his own blood when he realizes he doesn’t want to die.

He calls Steve, because he’s not calling the cops and he can’t remember anyone’s numbers in his panic, but Steve’s is written on his calendar, scribbled there because they were supposed to make plans for something with the kids. Steve takes him to the hospital, having to fight him to put the CPAP on him to make sure his lungs didn’t collapse before they could get him to Hawkins General, and Billy’s just, so bone tired.

They do all their treatment stuff and get his body back under control, so Steve finally asks him what happened, if maybe he needed someone around to help him remember his meds and stuff, and Billy just, he breaks, like a dam overfilled he just pours out with all of this helplessness and sadness he’d been feeling, how he doesn’t want to live the way he does or at all anymore, and Steve’s heart just breaks for him.

He moves in with him, nobody’s willing to leave him alone after what happened, and Steve (along with Billy getting a new therapist because the old one was incompetent enough to not notice how bad off he was) helps him to realize he has something to live for.

#answered #anonymous #ejs wips #ej writer #yeah theres no such thing as sending it late #if y’all want to ask me just ask me! dont worry about it!

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