#pregnant tommy kinard

[unhingedangstaddict]

The bucktommy mpreg brainrot is so real wtf. I never thought in a million years I'd write an mpreg fic and well,,,

Here's my latest wip

Tommy was sitting on the bathroom floor next to the toliet again, crying for no reason again. He was so sick of the spontaneous crying and worse he didn’t even know why he was crying. Tommy had cried after the break-up, but he’d mostly stopped after two-ish weeks. He was sick of feeling the way he’d felt all week- horrifically nauseous and tired no matter how much he slept.

Tommy was so caught up in his wallowing and his crying that he didn’t hear Lucy enter the house, didn’t notice her standing in the doorway to the ensuite. He only noticed her when she set a plastic bag from a drug store down at his feet.

Tommy sniffled and looked up at Lucy. “I’m starting to regret giving you a key.” He wiped the tears off his cheeks.

“Is it really so terrible having someone look out for you?” Lucy crossed her arms.

Tommy was quiet.

“Thought so.” Lucy nodded.

Tommy curiously reached for the bag and looked inside.

“First time ever for me, the women's version of something was cheaper than the mens version. It’s the exact same thing, just different colored packaging.” Lucy said nonchalantly.

Tommy hardly registered what Lucy was saying as he plucked the box out of the bag. A three pack of pregnancy tests. In an instant it felt like his world had been flipped on it’s axis.

There was no way this was actually happening, but if he was- if Lucy was right about this, it would make sense. The headaches, the fatigue, the random crying, the nausea and vomiting- morning sickness. Now that Tommy thought about it, it seemed like his sense of smell had maybe been heightened the last week or so too.

“If I’m way out of line here Tommy, just tell me, it’s fine. I’ll keep ‘em for next time I have a scare.” Lucy offered.

Tommy swallowed thickly. His mind and heart were racing. This couldn’t be happening.

“Tommy?” Lucy prompted.

“I don’t know.” Tommy said quietly. Clearly Lucy had been thinking about this at least since they were on the phone not that long ago. Her suggestion to drink something made even more sense now. Tommy couldn’t believe this was his life.

“What- what do you mean you don’t know?” Lucy asked.

“I never uh, I never got tested to see if I’m a carrier.” Tommy couldn't take his eyes off the box of pregnancy tests.

“You’re joking right?” Lucy sounded shocked or maybe even pissed.

Tommy shook his head.

“How could you be so irresponsible?” Lucy questioned. “You- I can’t believe you never got tested. I can understand not getting tested as a kid with your dad being the way he is but Tommy, you’re- you sleep with men! How could you not get tested?”

Tommy spoke with a monotone voice, head clearly elsewhere. “Parents never bothered. Then I was in denial about being gay and thought I could make myself fall in love with a woman. Then it didn’t matter because I was never serious enough to ditch condoms. Then it didn’t matter when I was serious enough to ditch condoms because I was almost exclusively the top and I was too old. The thought never even crossed my mind in all the time I was with Evan.”

“Oh my god Tommy.” Lucy mumbled.

“I know.” Tommy swallowed thickly. “I guess I have to take one of these now, huh?”

“I’d recommend all three, actually.” Lucy told him. “These things aren’t the most reliable, always a chance of false negatives or positives, so it’s best to take more than one test but if you take two and get two different results then you won’t feel any better or worse than you did before taking them, until you take another. So three at once.”

“Sounds like you know from experience.” Tommy looked up at Lucy.

“I’m a woman who does not exclusively sleep with other women.” Lucy shrugged.

Lucy left the bathroom so Tommy could take the tests, and as soon as he was finished he set them on the counter, opened the door for Lucy, started a timer, and sat back down on the floor again, not confident that he wasn’t going to throw up again at any moment.

Lucy came in and sat next to Tommy on the floor. Just by looking at him she could tell he wasn’t in the mood to talk and for the time being she knew everything she needed to know. Tommy hadn’t even thought about the possibility of this so Lucy was certain that Tommy had no idea what he’d want to do about it- if Tommy was pregnant it was undoubtedly Evan’s, and Tommy was scared and heartbroken right now. Instead of talking Lucy just took his hand and held onto it.

Three minutes felt like an eternity, and if it wasn’t for Lucy holding onto Tommy’s hand, he was sure he would’ve completely lost his grip on reality. He distantly heard the timer on his phone going off, followed by Lucy giving his hand a squeeze. Tommy stopped the timer. He couldn’t look at the tests. He couldn’t move. “Can you look?” He rasped.

“Of course.” Lucy said gently. She stood, not letting go of Tommy’s hand and looked at the tests on the counter. There were two visual tests and one digital test with a weeks along indicator.

The visual tests both showed plus signs, meaning the tests were positive.

The digital test read ‘Pregnant 3+’, meaning three or more weeks along.

“Luce?” Tommy’s grip on her hand tightened.

“Positive.” Lucy told him.

“All of them?” Tommy wondered.

“All three.” Lucy nodded.

Tommy nodded slowly. “Okay.” He whispered as tears stung his eyes and quickly began to fall.

Lucy squeezed Tommy’s hand and returned to her spot on the floor next to him.

Tommy pulled his knees to his chest, rested the arm that wasn’t holding Lucy’s hand on his knees, put his head down, and sobbed for so many reasons it felt like there wasn’t even a reason to be crying at all.

[diazsdimples]

Tommy can't quite believe what just happened.

He sits in his truck, still parked perfectly outside Evan's building. He'd hoped it was a sign when he'd found it. An opening so close to Evan's building, maybe the universe signaling to Tommy and he can open himself up too and allow Evan to slot perfectly into his life.

But he'd panicked, as he always does. He'd let Evan get too close, allowed himself to believe, for a moment, that they could really be something good.

That maybe, they could be a family.

And then Evan had asked him to move in - a minor step compared to the news Tommy had - and Tommy had clammed up, all his old habits rushing back to him in a wave of you're not good enough.

Don't take him out with you. Let him be free.

Tommy's throat is tight as he cranes his head, glancing up at the window he knows ie Evan's. He could fix this, run up those stairs and bang on Evan's door. Apologize to him, tell him it's just the hormones - he feels like his head is all over the place these days. Tell Evan that he panicked but it's okay, they'll work through it.

That he's sorry.

But he can't, really. He can't take back the words. He can't let them - because that's what they are now, a them - drag Evan down. Clip his wings and stop him from soaring the way he was born to.

His hand comes to rest against his abdomen. He's still too early to be showing, the tiny life nestled within his womb still no bigger than an apricot. He imagines he can hear the galloping heart he'd heard only this morning and it brings him some peace.

At least he isn't entirely alone.

"Well, little one, I guess it's just you and me " Tommy whispers into the silence of the truck, his thumb stroking just below his navel. "Daddy's sorry, baby."

He turns the key in the ignition and shifts the car into drive, easing himself out of that perfect, traitorous parking spot. If only it hadn't all been too good to be true. If only he'd been able to believe he deserved a happy ending, too.

[typicalopposite]

we almost had it all

rated T | Trigger warnings: mpreg, blood, miscarriage

Based on this post

Tommy turns the little stick over and over in one hand while he holds the box up close to his face with the other. Damn tiny print… he thinks, still having to squint just to read it. Place a few drops on the test. A few drops?! Who has that kind of control… “Oh…” he says aloud, his voice echoing off the walls of the store’s bathroom— he was so anxious he just went straight there from the register. 

He stares at the little guide doodle showing the mock tester using the syringe— that he didn’t realize was still in the box— to draw up a sample from a cup— that was definitely not in the box— and the syringe is used to manage the few drops. But he has no cup… and he is due at work in less than half an hour.

A lot more might be due if his suspicions are correct. 

He groans and unfastens his pants.

Definitely more than a few drops later and he is pacing the small space of the accessible stall bathroom, the test is face down on the floor in the farthest corner from him, while his phone ticks down three minutes. Please be negative, please be negative, please be negative… he silently chants, knowing good and god damn well it won’t be. 

The timer goes off…

He sulks over to the corner and picks up the test…

He flips it over…

He sees the two blue lines…

He barely makes it back over to the toilet to puke… 

*

Working the few shifts after that… was awkward. 

Or should he say coming up with every excuse to not do much work without letting Lucy and the rest of his team know he was on light duty… was awkward. His captain knew and that was all. So he made sure he was man behind for every call, under the weather for any heavy duty in-house work, and just claimed seniority for anything else that he deemed might be too strenuous for him. 

He just wanted to tell Ev- Buck… first. 

There had never been a doubt in his mind Buck would know about the baby. He just had to wait until they were both free, and by some miracle their calendar’s were still linked together on his phone… so he could see when they would both be off work. Not that having a clear visual on the day he was going to face the man he is madly in love with… but broke up with (because he is likely clinically insane) and broke both their hearts in the process… could really be considered a miracle; more like karma. Karma on him for putting them in the situation that this discussion would be anything less than an overly joyful celebration in the first place. 

Buck was going to be joyful, regardless. Tommy knew that. The man loved children, and talked about having his own someday often. He was going to be thrilled. Hell… after the initial shock, so was Tommy. They were adults… they could act like it and figure out how to raise this kid together.

*

It’s the last shift before Tommy’s 48 off and Buck was already 24 into his. 

The call came in right when the crew was about to call it a day and start getting ready to leave. Two-vehicle collision at the intersection of Victory Boulevard and Lindley Avenue. A semi and a firetruck. Truck driver was stable and three of the firefighters inside were injured but stable; one was in critical condition, requiring immediate air support. 

Please don’t be them, please don’t be them, please don’t be them…

Perhaps it was wrong for Tommy to hold his breath and hope it was any other station. It’s not like his hope helped much anyway. “This is Captain Bobby Nash…” the tired, and stressed sounding, familiar voice came across the radio. “We need an ETA on air support, Firefighter Buckley has fallen unconscious. We need to get him medical assistance fast.” 

Tommy’s entire world seems to start moving in slow motion, while he watches stuck on autopilot and can't do anything. He is off the couch and ignoring his captain’s concerned voice when he asks what he thought he was doing. Tommy would have liked to see him stop him from getting in that helicopter with Lucy. 

He climbs into the cockpit, and pulls his headphones on, letting them know they’re on their way. 

*

“Are you okay…” Lucy has asked a dozen times, when she’s not overly insisting Buck is going to be okay. The bird is high enough in the sky that it makes it easy to control, so Tommy assumes her questioning is due to his death grip being so tight on the controls that his knuckles are turning white. 

“M’fine…” Tommy says, with his jaw clenched so tight he might be cracking his molars. 

The truth? He’s not fine. Not just because he is flying into the unknown in regards to Buck’s fate and that scares the hell out of him… But also— he’s not fine because the moment he heard the distress call over the radio, his stomach twisted into the most intense knot he’s ever experienced and never let up.  

Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay… he repeats in his head the entire flight, and it holds two meanings. He listens as Bobby updates them on Buck’s condition— which is not looking good— and in return urgently asks their ETA. “F- Five minutes…” Tommy manages, trying his damndest to sound calm and professional, knowing he’s probably failing miserably. 

His stomach twists and cramps, and he grits his teeth trying to ignore it. Then he feels it. A small gush of warmth between his legs… and he just knows. 

He navigates the rest of the way, trying to not visually react to what is happening… They arrive at the accident, Buck is loaded into the helicopter, and Tommy lifts them back into the air. He doesn’t say a word, but he listens as Harbor’s medics work on his— fuck… he’s back to just being his ex again, it seems. Nothing tying them together now… 

He blinks back against the tears threatening to spill and thinks… At least everyone will just assume he’s crying over Buck— which he is… of course— and not because he just lost the little piece of Buck he had thought he’d actually get to keep. 

*

“Tommy…” Lucy tries again, and he sharply jerks when she lays a hand on his arm. They have been landed on the hospital’s helipad for a while now… Buck has long since been taken from the helicopter and whisked off through the double doors. “Hey… what’s— what’s going on?” Her brows are pulled so tight together they’re nearly touching; she looks so worried, and he can’t blame her… He’s sure he’s acting incredibly off. 

“You’re gonna have to fly her back,” he eventually says, his voice hoarse and small, and her confusion only seems to grow. “I— I need to go inside…” She doesn’t question, just gives a quick nod, reaching over to squeeze his arm. 

He opens his door and unhooks his seat and climbs out of his seat and Lucy all but screams, causing him to turn back towards her. He sees the culprit for her reactions is the blood he left behind on the seat and he stares at it for a moment. 

“Oh that’s  b- because—” His voice seizes upon his throat and tears begin to build in his eyes… and they are alone out here anyway, why hold them back now. “—because I just lost our baby…” He can’t break his eyes away from the blood stain. He doesn’t even register when it clicks with Lucy what he means and she turns the helicopter off and rushes out and around to him. She catches him just as his knees finally give out, and he cries in her arms until staff come out to check on them, ushering him inside to be treated while Lucy explains the tragedy within a tragedy that has happened. 

Part Two

[ladyeyrewrites]

WIP Wednesday

tagged by @unhingedangstaddict

This is a snippet from my BuckTommy mpreg fic featuring trans Tommy. It doesn't have a title yet and I don't know when I'll finish it.

It seemed Tommy wanted to look anywhere but directly at Buck, which was just another thing Buck had lost. Buck blinked against threatening tears as Tommy glanced around Buck’s loft, eyes taking in the subtle changes that had taken place since they’d broken up, until his gaze settled on the mess that was Buck’s kitchen island. “You’ve been baking.”

Sure, Buck had baked with Chris before to help out with a school bake sale since Eddie was so culinarily clueless but he hadn’t really done it in his own time until he’d found out about Tommy’s sweet tooth. He’d been practicing to make something for Tommy’s birthday but then Tommy had to go and dump him. Bitterness spiked through him. “Yeah. Anytime I get the urge to call you, I just I channel the impulse into something positive, like baked Alaska.”

Tommy’s face twisted with regret, eyes growing glassy. Buck wasn’t sure if that had been his intention or not, but maybe it would be good for Tommy to really see how much Buck had been thinking about him. So, Buck walked over to the fridge and pulled out three loaves, making sure the fridge door was opened wide enough for Tommy to see the extent of Buck’s foray into baking and how often he’d been thinking about reaching out. “Here, you should take some.” He plopped three loaves into Tommy’s unprotesting arms. “Here’s a lemon loaf, and a walnut loaf, and a pumpkin loaf.”

“That’s a lotta loaf,” Tommy managed to say. “Buck, I—”

“Hang on, let me go grab those shirts,” said Buck because hearing Tommy call him by his nickname rather than his name made him want to scream and he didn’t want to do that, not when Tommy looked like anything could cue the waterworks at any moment. So, Buck might have fled his kitchen, jogging upstairs to grab the reusable tote bag of Tommy’s tee shirts and flannels he’d accumulated over their six months together. That bag had been haunting him every night as he lay in bed – alone – trying to fall asleep, wondering if Tommy was also alone or if he’d already managed to find a rebound.

Buck hefted the bag and his heart panged. Once he gave this stuff back, Tommy would well and truly be gone from his life. There’d be no excuse for Buck to reach out. No trace that Tommy had ever been in his life save for the indelible mark he’d left on Buck’s heart. So, Buck did something maybe a little impulsive and indulgent; he snagged one of Tommy’s flannels out of the bag and shoved it under his pillow. He was absolutely not going to bury his face in it and cry himself to sleep later.

As he was engaging in some of the most pathetic breakup behaviour ever, his kitchen timer went off downstairs.

“Buck, do you need me to do something?” Tommy shout up the stairs, voice carrying over the shrill timer beep.

“Yeah, could you just grab the baked brie out of the oven?” he asked. He snagged his favourite Tommy t-shirt out of the bag and stashed it with the stolen flannel too. If Tommy was allowed to unceremoniously dump Buck then Buck was allowed to steal his clothes and not return them.

Buck gave a satisfied nod and started down the stairs to join Tommy. He was halfway down when he heard Tommy gag. Buck looked up from his feet in time to see Tommy turn literally green before unceremoniously dumping Buck’s baked brie on the counter, bee-lining for the sink and vomiting down the drain.

Buck raced down the stairs, rushing to Tommy’s side and rubbing smoothing circles on his back before he even realised what he was doing. “Are you okay?”

“Are you sure that cheese is okay?” Tommy asked catching his breath. “It reeks.”

Buck frowned as he got down a glass and filled it with tap water for Tommy to rinse out his mouth. “Uh yeah,” he said. “And brie’s not a stinky cheese.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Tommy sagged, leaning against Buck’s counter. “But my sense of smell’s been really weird the last few weeks.”

A sinking feeling filled Buck’s stomach. This all sounded very familiar. They’d always been so good about using protection and between birth control and testosterone Tommy hadn’t had a period in well over a decade. But there’d been that little lapse before Tommy had found his new doctor and oh, god they’d definitely had unprotected sex that one time when they were both a little tipsy after getting back from babysitting Eddie. “You’re pregnant,” Buck blurted before his brain could send his tongue anything more tactful to say.

[weewookinard]

if you aren’t big on mpreg then just ignore this but for the fluffy headcanon is that buck loves talk to the baby that tommy is growing.

Fun fact, I used to be anti mpreg before I entered this fandom but now I'm as obsessed as everyone else!

Tommy being the one pregnant is so important to me. He always thought he was not worthy of love and happiness and is now growing the fruit of his perfect love and he's beaming with pride and joy. He adores it, even the worst parts of pregnancy, because it's a reminder of how lucky he is to have this perfect life.

And we know Evan is a yapper, and Tommy loves it. He would be okay with only listening to Evan for the rest of his life -well, he was before he saw the pregnancy test showing two bars- and never tells him to shut up. Evan is so interesting, either he's talking about work and how they saved everyone, or when he explains to him all the new things he learned while deep diving on wikipedia. Tommy can remember everything Evan says to him which is a gift for Evan who cannot stress enough how lucky he is to have found such a perfect match. A match who is growing their babies.

So, when he learned that babies could hear what happened outside, he started talking to them. At first it was about how excited he was to meet them, and how happy he was to create a family with the love of his life. He told them about Tommy, how they met, how hard they fell for each other. He told them about uncle Eddie and aunt Maddie and Grandpa Bobby and everyone waiting with excitement for them to arrive.

Then, he starts talking about calls, trying not to get too dark and detailed though. He tells them about his deep dives too, and how he can't wait to teach them about the world. He tell them not to listen while they're having sex, making Tommy laugh. One day he learns that babies can have accents and he tries different ones, all so bad that Tommy can help but laugh more until he cries.

When finally the twins are born it's an effusion of love and words. Tommy is tired but he smiles because Evan is here, talking to their babies, telling them how beautiful they are and how lucky him and Papa are. A few hours later Tommy is fast asleep and one of the twins starts crying. Evan is quick to take him in his arms and tells him, voice low but full of adoration. "Stop crying sweetheart." And the baby stops because he recognizes this voice and knows he's safe in his daddy's arms. And maybe it makes Evan cry a lot.

Send me more cute headcanon about them and I'll yap about it! ❤️

[laundryandtaxesworld]

Fuck It Friday Saturday

tagged by @quintessenceofdust88

it seems my lonely days are through

inspired by @cassatelle post here

BuckTommy | G | 2k

The truck took a sharp turn, and soon the monotonous high rises turned into houses and tall trees. The truck flew by and soon they were taking left and right’s everywhere. Buck looked out the window, the sun right in his eyes. When Buck blinked he was soon faced with an all too familiar neighborhood. Tommy’s. Buck stiffened and his eyes were locked on the window. Bobby took a second right. Tommy’s street. The truck parked in front of Tommy's house.

read on ao3

tagging: @peppermintquartz @perfectlysunny02 @livelaughlou @swagmaster9k @bidisasterevankinard @jamieroyjamieroy @unhingedangstaddict

@silversky9 @wikiangela @weewookinard

@exhaustedpirate @racerchix21 @lightfiretomypaperwings @littlepaws9 @30somethingautisticteacher @theotherbuckley @actuallyitsellie

[cassatelle]

9 months into their breakup, 118 is called to help an emergency labor. buck is getting so suspicious because why are they driving to tommy's neighborhood. wait, no, why are they stopped in front of tommy's house?! who would be possibly pregnant in tommy's house?!

they're trying to stay professional, quickly jump out of the truck and barging into the house. turns out tommy's neighbor was the one called 911, she was so scared when she heard tommy's groan. and tommy, now belly so big buck barely recognizes, lying down on his couch catching his breath. buck starts to count the months inside his head.

though still super confused, buck insists that he will be present. he tells bobby, his kid or not, he wants to be there with tommy.

buck ends up staying next to tommy, holding his hand and whispering encouragements into tommy's ear throughout the delivery. he kisses tommy's temple once the baby's here, crying with him, crying with them.

"she's a loud crier like her dads, huh?" chim says before he hands her to him. buck doesn't catch the vague reference of him in chim's sentence, everything aside of the baby in his arms is blur right now.

and, oh, buck feels like he's staring in the looking glass—she has a curly blonde hair, round bullet nose, two small blobs of red on top of her left eyes, and when she opens her eyes, they are the clearest and brightest blue he ever seen.

and then she reaches his face with her tiny little hands. and buck cries again.

[quintessenceofdust88]

Firefly, ch. 6

Buck is not a good person, he knows that now.  Not for having sex with Tommy; how could he have resisted when Tommy made it sound like he’d die if he couldn’t have Buck inside him right there and then? He promised to give Tommy anything he needed, that’s what it was. But he is a bastard for how much he enjoyed it. How much he enjoyed having Tommy in his arms, sinking into him like he'd done so many times before. How much he loved the sound of Tommy falling apart for him. The flush of his skin, the arch of his back, the taste of his sweat and come. They had had to be careful, of course, but the hunger with which Tommy received him was beyond what they used to have. It felt like coming home, and Buck wants to do it again. And again. And again. He is a terrible, terrible person.

[Read on AO3]

Come get your weekly dose of pining and mpreg, courtesy of yours truly and @peppermintquartz! This week is extra fluffy for your pleasure ♥

[tommykinard6]

😳💔🫃

May I be greedy?🥺

Yes, please be greedy! Let me see what my brain can pull for you. Imma do headcanons for 😳 and 🫃, I think, but since you’re the only one to ask for 💔 you’ll get a fic snippet!

😳

Tommy hasn’t had a pack in years. His family was broken since he was a child, his unit mostly died when he was in the army, and the 118 was barely worth calling a pack. Harbor is close, but they’ve not taken on a pack dynamic. Several stations have moved away from those bonds and the 217 is one of them.

So he watches Evan and his happy, bonded pack with a sense of longing. He’s on the outskirts. He’s a friend, a welcome outsider. He’s a friend to everyone there and Evan’s boyfriend, but he won’t join the pack until Evan wants to claim him as his future mate.

So he watches and wishes and tries not to dream of something he doesn’t think he deserves.

Until Evan gets down on one knee, barely a year after they get together, and asks him to be his mate for life and his husband. Of course, Tommy says yes.

And then the next time they see Evan’s pack, Tommy’s folded into the mix too. Scented by the other members, welcomed as a pack member and cherished in a way he’d always heard omegas should be but never got to experience.

He’s not alone now. He’s pack. He’s Evan’s and Evan is his.

🫃

Tommy goes looking for the father of his child. He goes back to the club, multiple times. He wanders the coffee shops of nearby LA and looks in every store and car he passes. He hunts, but LA is big and for all he knows, Firehose could be from out of town. He could be married to 2 and a half kids already, for all Tommy knows.

But he never stops looking. He leaves the 118, never meeting their new probie. He goes on medical leave, his pregnancy kept hushed and on a need to know by his request. He picks up a side job at a local comic store to keep the money coming. And he looks for blond curls everywhere he goes.

💔

“Mr. Rocker?”

Donovan snapped back to the office he was sat in, on the opposite end of the couch from his wife. Dr. McCormick looked at him over the rims of her glasses. He got the sense she’d been trying to get his attention for a while.

“I’m sorry.” It was a sincere apology. He hadn’t meant to tune out. “What was that?”

“I asked if you had anything you wanted to say about what your wife shared?”

He knew Val had been talking. It was the same thing she was saying at home, and had said for the last three appointments. No apology, regret only for being caught, and continued defense over her actions.

He’d tried, at first, to listen. He’d tried to understand. He’d wanted to be an understanding husband, a partner that stayed through the tough times.

He looked at her and he felt nothing.

“Mr. Rocker?”

Bless this therapist. She’d really jumped into helping them with determination. Maybe, if there was something to reconcile, it would’ve worked.

Donovan and Valerie had been married for 12 years. Fresh out of college, wide eyed and optimistic. He loved her for a long time. Maybe she loved him too, once.

Now, he just felt nothing.

“I want a divorce.”

[obitez]

Iris, Chapter 24

Final and last chapter of this saga! It's been a great time! Full Chapter on AO3 | Link to Chapter 1

Tommy squeezed his hand as another contraction washed through him. Buck managed to hold in the wince from the pain Tommy was causing him. He knew it wouldn’t go over well and if anything, Tommy was in far more pain than he was right now. He could deal with it.  Even if Tommy ended up breaking his hand… he could deal with it.  Tommy let out a long breath, nearly panting as the contraction ended and he regained his breath. He looked over at Buck. “You better never do this to me again, Evan,” Tommy said. Buck nearly let out a noise at that statement. They hadn’t really had a discussion on if they wanted any other kids after this one. Neither of them said they didn’t want any more, but they had come to a sort of unspoken agreement that additional children would be one of the things they talked about and decided after this pregnancy was finished and little Jack was out and alive in the world. They had come to a lot of unspoken agreements throughout this pregnancy, Buck came to realize.  Buck wouldn’t blame Tommy if he didn’t want any more children, or at least, didn’t want to give birth to any more children. And if Tommy didn’t want any more, Buck certainly wasn’t going to force or pressure him into wanting more. 

Then Tommy was asking him if he could get some of the painkillers the nurses had mentioned earlier, and Buck was quick to get up and find them.  After that, things went back and proceeded much more rapidly again. Less than thirty minutes later, Dr. Salazar was back in their room sitting in front of Tommy and instructing him to push.  And then the sound of an infant’s crying was filling the room.  “How-” Tommy gave Buck’s hand one final squeeze as he tried to follow their son. “How is he?”  Buck’s eyes trailed after the nurse who had taken little Jack to a side table to clean off most of the blood and check over his breathing and vitals before they passed him back to Tommy. Buck could only see his blood soaked hair. And little Jack was born already having a full head of hair.  “He’s good,” Buck said as he broke his gaze off of Jack and looked back at Tommy. “They’re just checking him over now.”  A minute later, a nurse walked over to the side of the bed opposite the one Buck was sitting on and held the baby out, placing him directly on the middle of Tommy’s naked chest. Tommy’s hands nearly instantly came up to wrap around the small body and hold him where he was placed.  Both Buck and Tommy just stared wide eyed at the little guy. 

“He’s so small,” Buck said, half dazed. Little Jack barely took up the space to cover one of Tommy’s chest, which hadn’t really grown throughout the entire pregnancy. That wasn’t too surprising or concerning though, most male omegas don’t develop large breasts during pregnancy. And Tommy hadn’t planned on breastfeeding anyway so… It took another while for the placenta to be delivered, and then little Jack was wrapped up in a blanket and sleeping in Tommy’s arms. Most of the hospital staff that had gathered in the room for the delivery had cleared out, and the two new dads were left alone to marvel over their little miracle.  Buck reached over to the baby’s face, running a finger down his little nose. “He has your nose,” Buck said.  “Oh, don’t say that,” Tommy said. “My nose is weird.”  “Hey, I like your nose,” Buck said as he took his finger off of the baby’s nose to poke Tommy’s.  “Hey, Evan,” Tommy said quietly as he looked away from their child’s face and into Buck’s eyes.  “Yes?” Buck said.  “You know how I said I don’t want to do this again?” he asked.  “Yeah…” Buck said, Tommy wasn’t going to say what he was thinking, was he? “Well I take it back,” Tommy said firmly. “I want another one.” 

[screaming-universe]

Several Sentences Sunday

wasn't tagged but I have several sentences and they wanted to be written instead of sleeping so now I'm posting them. Entirely unedited on account of it being late. This is somewhat inspired by the recent bucktommy mpreg hype, and is part of my werecat au

Tommy feels sick and it is not just because of the morning sickness. He didn’t plan to get pregnant; he'd honestly been kind of sure he couldn’t anymore. Not with the suppressants he’d taken in the military; they had actually been banned a few years ago for being unsafe. Not with the suppressants he’d taken for as long as he’d been at the 118 without ever getting his bloodwork checked. He’d actually acknowledged that he was an omega when he’d started at the 217, had worked through what that meant and come to accept himself. And part of then had been going to a specialised doctor who’d prescribed him newer, healthier suppressants and cautioned him to actually use the LAFD mandated quarterly heat leave for what it was meant for. It had been weird at first but also enjoyable and quite revelatory in a lot of ways. Recently he’d been sharing his heats with the loves of his life and that sure had let his enjoyment skyrocket. He’d also shared Eddie’s heat, which had been new and exciting and a lot of fun too.

And therein lay the problem: Eddie wanted to get pregnant, not Tommy. Eddie, who had also been on the toxic Army suppressants too. Eddie, who had been taking suppressants without pause until he’d been found out when he’d been in the hospital after being shot. Eddie, who had been shot through the abdomen in Afghanistan. The doctors thought he might still be able to carry but they were not sure. And so far Eddie was not pregnant.

But Tommy was; he was pregnant and Eddie wanted to be. He would not take this away from Eddie though, he would not overshadow him. So he’d left. Told his boyfriends that they should take a break or something along the lines and left. It was really stupid since they’d been at his house but Eddie had not given up his little house yet – and probably wouldn’t now – and Tommy still had the key.

He’d let himself into the house, and he’d allowed himself to curl up on Eddie’s bed that still carried their intermingled scents. This was probably the last opportunity he’d get because he had asked for a break but he knew that he should break this off entirely before they would and his heart would be broken. Deep down he knew that it was too late for that already. He stripped out of his clothes and shifted and curled up as tightly as he could, nose pressed against the pillows that carried Eddie and Evan’s scents.

Tommy had expected to get some messages after he had left so hurriedly – he saw them lighting up the screen of his phone; it was only Evan though. But he had not expected for the door to be opened and closed quite aggressively and for Eddie to storm in, looking furious. Just Eddie though, nobody following him.

“Yeah, Buck’s not here,” Eddie said, glowering. “He has a shift and our boyfriend just left us after asking for a break and didn’t even wait around long enough for us to talk.”

Eddie ran a hand over his face and through his hair. He sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh, his back to Tommy.

“You know he’s afraid of being abandoned,” Eddie said quietly. And so was Eddie, though he had a hard time admitting it out loud. And Tommy too, even though he could hardly even admit it to himself. “What brought this on? Did we do something wrong?”

The last thing Tommy wanted to do was talking about this but to see Eddie – his boyfriend, one of the men he had been courting – sitting there like this, looking small and unsure made him shift before he could really think about it.

“I’m pregnant,” he blurted out and Eddie’s head whipped around.

“What?”

“I’m pregnant,” Tommy said again and he had to look away. “I don’t…“ He could not finish that sentence, didn’t even know what he wanted to say.

The mattress moved around a bit as Eddie settled down right next to him and then gentle fingers turned Tommy’s chin towards him. For a moment Tommy wanted to accuse Eddie of stealing his moves but this was not a time to get playful. Tommy had probably lost any right to that.

“You are pregnant?” Eddie asked and there was something tentative on his face. Maybe almost hopeful?

Tommy just nodded, gently jostling Eddie’s hand that now lay fully against his jaw.

“I didn’t think you could–“

“Neither did I.”

“How do you feel about this? Panicking aside, of course,” Eddie added, because he was nothing if not a little shit.

“I–I don–I,” Tommy tried and then took a deep breath. “I don’t know? I never thought I would or could be pregnant so I never thought about what I’d do. And if I do this I know I can’t do it alone but–“

“But what?” Eddie challenged him. “You’d think we’d leave you for being pregnant?” He sounded indignant; he sounded pissed again. “Why?”

Tommy took a moment to gather his thoughts and when he did he took Eddie’s hand that was still on his face and held it in both of his. “You wanted to get pregnant again,” he said softly and something moved across Eddie’s face. “And now I am. This was supposed to be your moment, not mine.”

“Fuck you!” Eddie said but his hand grasped Tommy’s tightly. “I would be happy for you – for all of us! I am!” He deflated again, about to pull back and Tommy’s heart was about to sink but– “If this is what you want, that is.”

“I don’t know yet,” Tommy whispered. “I don’t–“

“That’s fine,” Eddie said and kneeled so that he can grasp Tommy’s face with both hands, ever so gently. “You know that Buck would be overjoyed, and I would be too, but if you don’t want to keep it that’s fine.”

“But it’d feel wrong when you are trying to become pregnant and I am considering–“

“Tommy,” Eddie said and kissed him, very sweetly. “This is about you and not about me. If you want to keep it, you keep it and we will support you. If you don’t, we will support you too. But please talk to us before you run away again.”

“Yeah?”

Instead of answering, Eddie wrapped his arms around him and Tommy’s pulled into his chest. His arms automatically wrap around Eddie too and he pulled him closer.

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “And if you still want to take a break from this relationship then you’ll have to let me go because my heat is rapidly approaching and this is not helping.”

Fuck. Tommy totally forgot about Eddie’s heat; the reason he was not on shift with Evan right now. He did not let go.

Three weeks later, Tommy came home to Eddie practically shoving a pregnancy test in his face. A positive pregnancy test.

“You’ll be a father twice, Tommy,” Eddie says and beams at him.

[unhingedangstaddict]

Those Things I Miss But Know Are Never Coming Back

The angsty mpreg oneshot I've been working on the last couple days is done! Read below the cut or on ao3

TW: Ectopic pregnancy, pregnancy loss, hospitals. Discussion of blood and alcohol. Brief mention of stillbirth and fetal alcohol syndrome

Tommy could feel his stomach turning with nausea as he maintained his focus on piloting the chopper back to Harbor. For a split second his eyes flicked down to his watch, sure enough, it was 3:40pm, the same time he’d thrown up every day for the past week. It wasn’t food poisoning because that would’ve cleared up by now, so either it was the world’s weirdest flu virus or it was something far worse. Either way, Tommy couldn’t exactly find it in himself to care enough about himself to do anything about it.

Tommy swallowed back the warm excess of saliva in his mouth and got back to Harbor as quickly as he could, and did his best to not look like he was bolting for the bathroom as soon as he touched down. He just barely made it in time before throwing up. When he finished he leaned back against the cool wall and took a second to catch his breath.

Ever since the night six weeks ago that he broke his own heart by walking out of Evan’s apartment Tommy had been unable to find it in himself to take good care of himself. Tommy wasn’t even in his truck by the time he’d realized what a mistake he’d made and what an idiot he was. He should’ve turned around and gone back and begged for Evan’s forgiveness, but at the same time he didn’t feel he deserved it. Evan deserved better than Tommy. Someone who wasn’t broken like Tommy. Someone who wouldn’t break Evan’s heart like Tommy had. Someone who could actually be Evan’s last. Tommy was never meant to be someone’s last. He was too broken, too damaged, too far beyond redemption for that, and the ray of sunshine that Evan Buckley was deserved better.

Tommy hauled himself to his feet, washed his hands and face and rinsed his mouth in the sink and got back to work, and no one had any idea that Tommy had just been sick. Tommy supposed in a way it was a blessing that he and Lucy had ended up on different shifts, she’d notice right away, but seeing as she wasn’t there she couldn’t, and it was hard to find time to hang out as friends when they were always on opposite schedules. Tommy missed her of course, but he was also in a sense glad that he could stay away from her all-too-knowing watch.

Two weeks passed with Tommy having the same weirdly consistent nausea. He never once spiked a fever though. The only other possible symptom he had was fatigue, but his sleep schedule had been a mess since the break up, it wasn’t all that surprising that he was always tired. He’d also been having some mild lower abdominal pain on-and-off, but he’d been eating like shit and going too hard on himself in the gym so that was likely the cause of that. Tommy figured this wasn’t the flu, but he had no idea what it could be.

“Your sister’s pregnant?” Jensen asked Grimaldo at the table they were eating lunch at. 

Tommy was at a separate table, picking at his own lunch and trying to read a news article on his phone. He couldn’t help but overhear his colleagues' conversation.

“That’s crazy.” Jensen continued. “My cousin just announced they’re expecting. I swear man, everyone’s getting pregnant. There’s gotta be something in the water.” He laughed.

Tommy was glad he was eating with a plastic fork and not a metal one because the fork fell out of his hand and surely would’ve gathered attention had it made a noise. There was no way Tommy could be…

No, he was over forty. Male pregnancies over forty were virtually unheard of unless IVF was used. Men over forty who weren’t trying to get pregnant didn’t accidentally get pregnant, right?

The question plagued Tommy for the rest of his shift. There was no way, but it would explain the weird nausea and the fatigue. But also, wouldn’t he have figured it out sooner? He hadn’t been with anyone since Evan. The break up was two months ago now. Surely he would’ve noticed something sooner.

After his shift Tommy found himself at a pharmacy, hemming and hawing in the pregnancy test aisle. He was being ridiculous. There was absolutely no way. He looked at the tests again. Tommy huffed and hastily grabbed a box and marched over to the till. He wasn’t pregnant. He couldn’t be. But what was fifteen bucks to give himself some piece of mind that he was right?

Tommy didn’t even touch the tests that night. He was exhausted by the time he got home and seemed to remember hearing something about it being better to test in the morning anyway, so he decided to let himself sleep for the night and worry about that tomorrow morning.

It must’ve been eating away at Tommy’s consciousness though, because he bolted upright in bed a few hours later, having woken from a nightmare of himself birthing a stillborn while the doctor hounded on Tommy that it was his fault for drinking alcohol and eating things he shouldn’t have been eating early on in the pregnancy.

Five minutes later the timer on Tommy’s phone went off and he flipped the test over to see the results.

Two very clear pink lines. The test line was so dark the control line almost had no color to it, but it was very obviously two lines. Positive.

“Fuck.” Tommy muttered.

Tommy spent the next several hours crying in between breaks to puke and to take the other two tests in the box, which also came back positive.

The universe apparently had a very sick and twisted sense of humor. Why were there so many loving couples who desperately wanted kids and couldn’t have them, while Tommy who wasn’t trying, wasn’t even in a relationship, and should not have been able to get pregnant in the first place able to conceive?

Tommy knew he needed to tell Evan and the sooner the better. Tommy figured he had to be at least ten-ish weeks along already. Roughly a quarter of the way through the pregnancy. He also needed to see a doctor.

Tommy didn’t even understand how he hadn’t lost it already with what crappy care he’d been taking of himself the last several weeks. God he’d been drinking- and a lot. What if he hurt the kid? Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was no joke. Tommy found himself puking again at that realization.

Tommy looked at the time and found it was 9am already. He reached for his phone and called his doctor’s office. At first the receptionist said they couldn’t get him in for nearly a month, but when Tommy broke down and started crying while explaining why he needed to be seen sooner, the poor, sweet receptionist on the other line found a spot to squeeze him into next week, and thankfully ended what had to be the most humiliating phone call of Tommy’s life.

He didn’t know how he could wait til next week to tell Evan. It felt cruel to keep this from him. Evan had the right to know. Evan loved kids, wanted kids of his own, wanted to be a dad. Tommy couldn’t keep this from him. He didn’t know what this would do with regards to their relationship. Tommy certainly didn’t expect this to magically fix everything. But Evan deserved the chance to be in his kid’s life. Their kid deserved to know both their parents. Tommy could put his own feelings aside for someone else’s sake, he’d been doing it almost his whole life, he was good at it, and he definitely owed it to this kid to do it again now.

After some social media sleuthing and mental math and eventually calling in a favor to a friend at dispatch, Tommy confirmed that the 118 A-shift was not currently on duty. Evan wasn’t working. He might not be home, but Tommy had to do this in person. He wasn’t telling Evan about something so monumental over a text. Tommy showered and got himself ready and drove to Evan’s apartment.

Tommy nearly turned around about a dozen times, but finally managed to get to Evan’s building and park. He sat in the truck for goodness only knew how long before he finally built the courage to get out and go in. The sooner he did this, the better, and Tommy needed something to feel better right now.

The elevator made him queasy to the point that Tommy got off after just one floor and took the stairs the rest of the way up to Evan’s floor. Taking so many stairs brought back that dull, crampy ache Tommy had been feeling in his stomach for weeks- he supposed that was actually due to the changes his body was doing though. Either way, he preferred that dull achy pain over puking in the elevator, so he pushed through and finally got to Evan’s floor. Tommy made his way to Evan’s door, it took him a solid minute or five to finally gather the courage to knock.

A moment later Evan pulled the door open and when he saw it was Tommy, Evan began to close the door again.

“We need to talk.” Tommy said quickly. “Please E- Buck. Just hear me out-”

“Hear you out?” Evan scoffed as he opened the door again. “I need to hear you out? After you didn’t give me the chance to say anything when you dumped me?”

“You’re pissed at me, and I get that-” Tommy started, still standing in the hallway.

“Pissed? Tommy, you broke my heart. And for weeks, weeks, I hoped you’d reach out- I saw you bubbling me, I thought you were going to reach out and you never did. It’s been two months and you want to talk now?” Evan crossed his arms. “I waited- you had your chance. I don’t want to hear it now.”

“Ev-” Tommy stopped himself and sighed. “Please believe me when I say I am well aware that you deserve so much better than how I’ve behaved, Buck. I’m sick with myself, and I’m not saying that because I’m looking for sympathy- I just want you to know that I’m as pissed at me as you are.” Tommy insisted, truly meaning every word he said.

“If you’re so self aware then why are you here now?” Evan demanded.

“Like I said, we need to talk.” Tommy said simply.

“What? You suddenly realized you made a mistake and want me back? It’s too damn late for that, Thomas.”

“I know that-”

“Clearly you don’t because if you did you wouldn’t be here!” Evan exclaimed.

“Because this isn’t-” Tommy didn’t know how to say what he needed to say and to make matters worse, he was hit with a fresh wave of nausea. “I didn’t know until last night,” Tommy had to pause to swallow hard, trying to keep from throwing up.

“Last night? It took you two months to what? Regret this? Miss me?”

“I missed you the moment I left that night. I regretted it before I was even back in my truck-”

“Then why didn’t you come back?” Evan demanded.

“Because you deserved better.” Tommy told Evan sincerely.

“And showing up two months later is better? No. I’m just finally starting to put myself and my life back together. You- you broke me, Tommy. I loved you and you broke me. You don’t get to show up now and screw me up again. Fuck you.”

“You think I don’t know what I did?! Evan I might be an idiot but I’m not stupid- I know I fucked up and I know I waited a long time to figure this out but I need you to hear me out.”

“I don’t need to do anything for you,” Evan started to close the door again.

“We’re gonna be a family!” Tommy said quickly. Even if they hated each other's guts- not that Tommy did or ever could hate Evan- they were having a kid together which made them family.

Evan stopped and looked at Tommy again. “We could’ve been a family- I wanted us to be a family. But this,” Evan gestured between himself and Tommy. “This isn’t a family. Family doesn’t do what you did to me- what you’re doing to me by showing up now. I don’t know what you were thinking when you came over here but we are not and never will be a family.”

Tommy felt his heart sink. It was understandable for Evan to not want anything to do with Tommy, but to want nothing to do with their kid either really hurt. Evan loved kids, but it seemed Tommy had hurt Evan so badly he didn’t even want to be involved in his own kid’s life. Tears gathered in Tommy’s eyes no matter how much he didn’t want them to. “Evan please, I know you’re mad at me but our ki-”

“No. Not buts. I’m not interested.” Evan stood firm.

“If you change your mind-” Tommy started.

“I won’t.” Evan cut him off. “You need to leave.”

Tommy looked at Evan for a moment longer, before giving in and walking away. He hadn’t expected things to go very well, but he hadn’t thought it’d be that bad either. Tears slid down Tommy’s cheeks as he made his way out of the building and as soon as he was outside he threw up again. Tommy sat in his truck for a while and just cried and cried before he finally managed to get himself together enough to drive home.

Tommy spent the next day at home alone, going everything over and over again in his head. He knew he hurt Evan when he left but he hadn’t been trying to hurt him. It was never Tommy’s intention to be malicious or purposely hurtful. He was just afraid and trying to protect his own heart. At least, that’s what he’d intended. Tommy didn’t know if he was more upset with himself that he hurt Evan so badly that Evan didn’t want to be involved in their kid’s life, or mad at Evan that he couldn’t get over the Tommy of it all to at least try and have a relationship with his kid.

Tommy knew he should be reaching out and talking to someone, but he didn’t know who. He had no one. Lucy was on shift and Tommy could already hear her lecture on how irresponsible he’d been- Tommy was well aware all on his own. He loved her, but she wasn’t exactly the shoulder to cry on that he needed right now anyway. Evan was obviously out of the question, and none of Tommy’s friends from the 118 had said a word to him since he broke up with Evan. In the end Tommy turned his phone off before he could do something he really shouldn’t, and put on Love, Actually and tried to just forget everything that was happening for a while.

The next morning Tommy was woken by his alarm. He had a shift even though he really really didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay in bed and be upset but unfortunately such was not possible. He dragged himself out of bed and forced himself to get ready for work. To make matters worse the aching cramps in his lower abdomen were back again and his shoulder was hurting- he figured he slept on it weird- but Tommy managed to push through.

Tommy didn’t know if he should be flying, so when he got to work he told his captain he wasn’t feeling 100% and grounded himself. Thankfully his captain didn’t question it or make a big deal of it. 

There were a few calls right off the bat, so the crew didn’t do their usual morning line-up and chore assignment until a couple hours into Tommy’s shift. Tommy was feeling nauseous again and was feeling a bit light headed, but he kept pushing through. He was assigned maintenance on one of the helicopters with another member of his crew, and they quickly got to work in relative silence.

By the time they were just about finished Tommy was feeling worse, and cramps were getting stronger. He was dizzy and felt more light headed than before. This felt wrong. Something was wrong. He needed to tell someone. Tommy stood up and the pain in his abdomen intensified as his vision blacked out and Tommy fell to the ground.

“Kinard! Come on, stay with us,” A voice called out an indeterminable amount of time later.

Tommy’s head felt heavy and he couldn’t open his eyes. He’d never felt pain like what he felt in his abdomen before now. He knew what it was but couldn’t bear to think about it.

“His pulse is racing.” Someone else commented. “Get him on the lifepak I need to see what his BP is.”

Tommy let the tug of unconsciousness take him again. Next time he came to, he could tell he was on a stretcher in the ambulance. Again, his eyes didn’t open but he could hear what was going on around him.

“All these symptoms present as major blood loss but he’s not bleeding from anywhere. It must be something internal.” Someone said. “Do you know if he’s been injured at all recently?”

“I’m not sure.” Someone else responded.

Tommy shook his head a bit.

“Hey, Tommy, you with us?” The second voice asked. “Does anything hurt?”

Tommy reached up to pull the oxygen mask out of the way. He needed to tell them he was pregnant. Tommy meant to say I’m pregnant and having stomach cramps but all that came out semi-coherently was “Pregnant… cramps.”

“Pregnant? Tommy, do you mean you’re pregnant? How far along are you?”

Again, the full contents of what Tommy meant to say didn’t match what came out clearly enough to be understood. Don’t know for sure. 10 or 11 weeks maybe. “Don’t know… 10, 11 weeks.”

“Okay, we got you. Just hang in there.” They told him.

Tommy felt the tug of unconsciousness again but he had something he needed to say. Evan’s still my emergency contact. Don’t call him. Call Lucy. Don’t call Evan. Please. “Ev… emergency contact, don’t call…Lucy.  …call Evan. Please.” Tommy mumbled before slipping away again.

---

Buck’s eyes flicked over to his phone as it started ringing. He was at home trying to sleep but he could not stop thinking about the fight with Tommy the day before last. He’d been on shift in the time in between and had put it to the back of his mind while working. The caller ID showed West LA Hospital. Buck swallowed thickly and answered as his mind raced with possibilities. “Hello?”

“Hi, is this Evan Buckley?” A woman’s voice came over the phone.

“Yes.” Buck confirmed.

“My name is Sheila Rollinson, I’m a nurse at West LA hospital. Someone who has you listed as their emergency contact has been brought into the ER via ambulance and is unconscious, which is why I’m calling you now.”

“Who is it? What’s going on?” Buck asked desperately.

“Thomas Kinard,” She said slowly.

Buck was already trying to think of the kindest way to tell this nurse that he was not interested, that she needed to find someone else to call because Tommy was not a part of Buck’s life anymore by Tommy’s own choice.

“We suspect he’s suffering complications related to his pregnancy, the doctor is with him now.” Sheila continued to explain.

“We’re going to be a family.”

Tommy’s words the other day. It wasn’t ‘we are a family’ or ‘we could be a family’. It was ‘we’re going to be a family’. Tommy was trying to tell Buck he was pregnant. That’s why he suddenly needed to talk to Buck. That’s probably what he meant when he said he realized it last night. Tommy had just found out and one of the first things he did was try to tell Buck.

And Buck was so caught up in his anger he hadn’t even listened to what Tommy had to say. Because if he had he would’ve noticed that wording last night. He would’ve understood what Tommy meant. If he’d been listening he would’ve understood that Tommy was doing all this for their kid. God if Buck had just listened to Tommy Buck wouldn’t have said he wasn’t interested, or that he wouldn’t change his mind. Buck was too angry to even realize he’d told Tommy he wasn’t interested in being a part of their kid’s life. Tommy was crying when he left and Buck did that. Buck caused that by saying he didn’t want anything to do with their child.

Buck felt like he could be sick. This didn’t undo all the hurt Tommy had caused when he broke up with Buck. But this did explain why Tommy contacted Buck two months later. Because while he thought Evan deserved better than him, Tommy knew he owed it to Buck to give Buck a chance to be in their son or daughter’s life. Yesterday wasn’t about Tommy’s wants or needs, it was about the baby. Their baby. No matter how hurt or mad Buck was with him, Tommy was trying to do the right thing now, and Buck needed to do the same.

“Sir? Are you still there?” Sheila’s voice came over the phone.

“Sorry, yes, you were saying?” Buck asked.

“Mr Kinard collapsed at work. We suspect it’s due to some kind of complication with the pregnancy. The doctor is working him up now, but as I mentioned before, Mr Kinard has been unconscious. There doesn’t seem to be an official medical proxy in place for Mr Kinard in his medical records, and according to his employer the paperwork is blank. In this case unless Mr Kinard wakes up we’ll need you to make medical decisions on his behalf.”

Buck was already up out of bed and pulling on clothing appropriate to leave the house in. “Com- complications, what kind of complications?” He asked.

“We should have exact details soon, it’s probably best if we wait until we know for sure what’s going on. Will you be able to come to the hospital?”

“Yeah, I’m on my way.” Buck promised and ended the call.

---

Tommy came to again. He was in a lot of pain and felt very weak and cold. His eyes didn’t open yet, but he could again hear voices.

“We need to get him to surgery now.”

“His emergency contact is on the way but he’s not here yet, there’s no one to sign the consent form.”

“He’s bleeding internally and moments away from hypovolemic shock. If someone doesn’t sign paperwork in the next minute, we’re taking him up anyway, we’ll have the surgeons sign off on emergency consent.” The first voice argued.

Tommy finally found the strength to speak. “Consent for what?”

“Mr Kinard can you hear us?”

Tommy gave a small nod.

“Mr Kinard, your pregnancy is ectopic, I’m sorry to say but the pregnancy is nonviable. It planted outside your uterus in one of your fallopian tubes, and the tube has now ruptured. You’re bleeding internally and we need to take you to surgery right away. We will attempt to repair the tube, but there is a chance we’ll have to remove it. Do you understand?”

Tommy had known since he felt that intense cramping right before he passed out that something was wrong with the pregnancy. He hadn’t really thought of it until it was happening but he’d hoped that maybe he was wrong, or that something could be done. He knew he’d just learned about the pregnancy and there were so many questions left unanswered with regards to actually having the kid but Tommy did want to go through with it. He’d never even considered having biological kids, but he had decided he was going to do it.

“Mr Kinard, are you still with us?”

“Yeah.” Tommy rasped. “There’s no way to save…” Given Tommy’s age this was probably his only chance to have a child.

“No, I’m sorry.”

Tommy was quiet for a moment. “Where’s the form?”

“We’ve got it right here.”

Tommy forced his eyes open, took the pen that was being offered to him and signed his name on the form, then let his eyes fall back shut.

They were quick to start moving him to the OR.

“I didn’t know,” Tommy said as they moved him onto the operating table. “Just found out two days ago. Don’t even know how far along.”

“Based on what we can tell we’d guess about eleven weeks.” Someone told him gently.

“I wasn’t eating right, was drinking,” Tommy scrunched his eyes further shut. 

“Propofol going in now.” Someone else said.

“Pushing myself at the gym. If I’d known…” Tommy felt like he was about to lose consciousness again. “Did I- did I do this?” He asked, and slipped away before he could hear the answer.

---

Buck got himself to the hospital as quickly as he could. The nurse had made it sound like Tommy had no one else and as hurt by Buck was by the break up, he wasn’t going to leave Tommy out to dry. Not when Tommy was alone and needed him. Not to mention their kid-

Buck raced into the ER and towards the desk. “I’m looking for Tommy- Thomas Kinard. I’m his emergency contact. I was called maybe twenty minutes ago.”

“Alright let me see here,” The woman at the desk typed on her computer for a moment. “Can I see some ID please?”

Buck grabbed his wallet, pulled out his driver’s license and showed her.

“Alright. Looks like Mr Kinard was just taken up to surgery. Why don’t you grab a seat for a moment and I’ll have someone come give you some more details?”

Buck nodded slightly in agreement even though he wanted to know what was going on immediately. The several minutes he spent sitting there felt like hours, when finally a nurse approached him. “Mr Buckley?” She asked.

“Buck, please.” Buck told her.

“Buck, I’m Sheila, we spoke on the phone. Why don’t we go somewhere a little quieter to chat?” She suggested. “I can take you to where you can wait for Mr Kinard.”

“Okay.” Buck stood and followed Sheila as they walked away from the busy ER waiting room.

“There’s no easy way to say this, but Mr Kinard’s pregnancy was nonviable. He couldn’t have successfully carried it to term.” Sheila explained. “He woke up for a few moments- long enough to sign a consent form for surgery. He was bleeding internally, he’s in surgery now to remove the fetus and stop the bleeding.”

Buck swallowed hard. 

Tommy lost the baby. Sheila said fetus and not embryo which told Buck that Tommy was at least eleven weeks along. The size of lime. They had fingers and toes and ears and fingernails were forming.

Buck wondered if this was his fault. Had the stress of their fight yesterday caused this? Stress could cause pregnancy loss- Buck had been doing a lot of reading because Maddie was pregnant again and he wanted to be more involved this time. Surely the fight would’ve stressed Tommy out, probably also caused his blood pressure to spike- another thing not good for pregnancy. “Did I do this?” He suddenly asked.

“Oh my dear,” Sheila said gently. “No, this wasn’t your fault.”

“But me and Tommy got in an argument the day before yesterday, the stress-” Buck told her.

“The pregnancy was ectopic- rather than implanting in the uterus, the egg implanted in his fallopian tube. This would’ve happened eventually no matter what. No one caused this to happen, Buck. Unfortunately sometimes these things just happen, and it’s awful and it’s heartbreaking, but it’s no one’s fault.” Sheila explained.

“Is- is Tommy going to be okay?” Buck asked.

“He’s lost a lot of blood, and they may need to remove the fallopian tube if the damage is significant enough, but he’s in excellent hands.” Sheila reassured. “You can wait for him to come out of surgery here. I’ll make sure to let the team in the OR know you’re waiting here for news.”

“Thanks.” Buck mumbled.

“Of course.” Sheila nodded and left Buck.

Buck sat down and put his head in his hands as tears began to fall. Tears for the baby, for Tommy, for himself, for what would’ve been, for what could’ve been, for what should’ve been.

---

Tommy briefly woke up in the post-op recovery area. The doctor explained that they’d taken the fallopian tube and Tommy was still receiving a blood transfusion, but he’d make a full recovery. Tommy didn’t find much peace in that, and quickly fell back asleep.

The next time Tommy woke up he was in a regular hospital room. He was sore from surgery, but that pain had nothing on the heartbreak he was feeling. He finally opened his eyes and saw Evan was sitting next to his bed, fighting with himself to not fall asleep. Tommy swallowed thickly. His throat was sore and mouth was dry, but he managed to speak. “I lost it, you know. You’re off the hook.”

Evan’s head whipped up and he looked at Tommy. His eyes looked red-rimmed and puffy from crying. He sat up straighter and shifted to the edge of his chair, a little closer to Tommy even if only by inches. “I know,” He said softly. “I’m here for you.”

“I tried to tell them not to call you, I didn’t mean to drag you into this.” Tommy told him. “You can leave, I don’t expect you to stay.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Tommy.” Evan insisted.

Tommy just looked at Evan and said nothing. They were silent for several minutes until Tommy spoke again as tears welled up in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Evan asked gently.

“For- for losing the,” Tommy had never even called it what it was until now. “The baby. It’s all my fault-”

“Hey, no.” Evan scooted closer to Tommy’s bed and hesitated for a moment before reaching for Tommy’s hand. “Tommy it was wrong from the very start, nothing you did or didn’t do could’ve prevented this.”

Tommy looked down at Evan’s hand, holding his own ever so gently. “I wanted it. With or without you around I- I wanted it.” Tears slid down Tommy’s cheeks.

“I know. I wanted it too- I didn’t understand what you meant the other night until I got the call that you were here. I never meant to say I wasn’t interested. If I’d been thinking clearly enough to understand what you were saying I never would’ve said that, and I’m sorry I did.”

Tommy nodded slightly and they were silent again for a while. “For the record I- I loved you too, Evan.”

Evan looked at Tommy with a sad expression. “I understand that now. I- I didn’t before, but now I do.”

Tommy gave Evan’s hand a small squeeze. He could feel his eyelids drooping as sleep threatened to take him again.

“We don’t have to talk about this right now. Just rest, okay?” Evan told him. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” Tommy whispered.

“I promise.” Evan confirmed.

Tommy squeezed Evan’s hand again and let sleep take over. His heart was still broken, but he felt a little less awful knowing Evan would be there when he woke up, and for now, that would be enough.

[diazsdimples]

Happy 9th week of pregnancy to Tommy Kinard who is still trying to figure out how to tell Buck that he found out he was pregnant the day after they split. Anyways, his baby is the size of a strawberry and growing muscles this week!! 💪

[typicalopposite]

we almost had it all

rated T | Trigger warnings: mpreg, blood, miscarriage

part one | read on ao3

Buck stirs; and the movement, coupled with a pained groan, is enough to wake Tommy out of the already restless sleep he was barely managing. He straightens himself in his hospital chair and waits for Buck to fully become conscious. “Hey,” he says softly when those gorgeous baby blues finally flutter open. Buck blinks a few times, taking in his surroundings, and tries to move; a deep, guttural noise escapes him immediately and he screws his eyes shut. “Easy there,” Tommy laughs, leaning forward to rest a hand on his shoulder, to ease him back down on the mattress. “You— you’re pretty banged up, Buck. Don’t move.” 

“Mmm…” he hums in response, shaking his head back and forth. “‘Vn… ‘vn!!” He furrows his brow and looks at Tommy, eyes sad and pleading; clears his throat and says… very intently. “Evan.”

Tommy stares at him, and feels his lips twitch, curling up ever so slightly, and he nods. “Okay, okay… Evan.”

As bright as the sun when it’s at its peak in the sky, with not a single cloud to hide its rays, Evan smiles. 

For now— at least for just a moment— it’s enough. Enough to take Tommy’s mind off the cramps the doctor in the ER said would probably last for a few more days. Enough for Tommy to appreciate what is here in front of him; what he can see and touch, that has a heartbeat and life… and not dwell on what has been lost. Enough to pretend— for just this blessed little moment— everything is going to be okay. 

*

Tommy explains the details of the accident to Evan. He tells him how the semi had run the light, and the side of the engine he was sitting on took the most impact. He tells him how the call came in and how he was prepared to fight someone if they didn’t let him fly to the scene. “My hero,” Evan laughs.

“Hardly,” Tommy rebuts, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I didn’t do much…” He didn’t do enough. He didn’t do the most important thing he was supposed to do. He didn’t keep their child safe. “B- But you’re safe… I’m so happy you’re okay…” 

At some point Tommy’s hand ends up in Evan’s. He holds it gingerly, like it’s a precious fragile thing he can break— he has broken enough of Evan already. He runs his calloused thumbs over the knuckles, and after a few moments teetering on the uncertainty of whether this is acceptable or not Evan finally splays out his fingers and intertwines them with Tommy’s. With that… Tommy carefully brings the hand up and kisses it— Evan uses the hold to pull Tommy forward into an actual kiss. 

He sighs against Tommy’s lips, and lingers there so long Tommy thinks he might have nodded off again until he finally hums like he’s content and Tommy pulls back to look into his eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby…” he says. 

“It’s okay…” Evan replies, and it’s really not… Tommy knows it’s not… nothing is okay. Not with the breakup, or Tommy running— Evan doesn’t even know the full extent of how not okay things are; would he be so forgiving if he did? He considers protesting, but Evan’s forehead is pressing against his and he seems so content with just being— Tommy can do that too, at least for the moment.

*

The moment proves to be short lived, and Bobby catches Tommy out in the lobby while Maddie is in with Buck, making her own fuss over him. “I talked to Lucy,” he says, eyes soft… and all too knowing. Tommy feels his throat tighten; he can’t even squeeze out a lame attempt at bitchiness towards her for blabbing his business. Somehow Bobby’s expression softens even more, as he reaches out and lays a hand gently on Tommy’s shoulder. “I am so terribly sorry, Tommy… If there is anything I can do— If there is anything you need… my door is always open, okay?” 

For a second Tommy feels that connection he’d felt way back when he was still at the 118. That strange powerful pull towards the new captain— something that was almost akin to how he suspected he should feel around his own father— that he never quite got the full experience of before his transfer. Tommy blinks at him, the lump in his throat too big, too wedged in tight to speak around, and he nods. 

“So is- is everything— are- are you…” Bobby sighs at himself, not seeming to know what to say. “How are you, considering…” 

Tommy shifts on his feet, and tries desperately to find his voice so he can lie his way out of trauma-dumping the past day and a half onto his former captain. 

He doesn’t want to talk about the miscarriage… He doesn’t want to talk about how, after the staff came out and learned what was happening, they rushed him inside, got him in a room— how they told him to try his best to relax; that his body should do the work… but if it didn’t they would have to intervene. 

Eight hours later… they had to intervene. 

He doesn’t want to talk about how he spent the entirety he was cohesive enough to think clearly… thinking about how Evan might be dying just a floor above while they scraped their child out of him. 

He doesn’t want to talk about how he felt so numb when they released him— how he winded up in the ICU asking for Evan Buckley, instead of going home. He doesn’t want to talk about how he took advantage of Evan's unconscious state to take in every aspect of his being: every dimple in his skin, every mole and freckle, every perfection and the imperfections, too. He is so beautiful and their child would have been so beautiful too. 

He doesn’t want to talk about it, or think about it… but he tells Bobby everything, anyway. He doesn’t even know why. He just starts talking and he can’t stop, and eventually he is talking and crying… and Bobby is just standing there listening; he lets Tommy have the floor, until he has said his piece. 

Then, without a word, he pulls him into a hug. 

And Tommy cries harder. 

He apologizes profusely, because he didn’t mean to cry all over Bobby, just like he hadn’t meant to cry all over Lucy— and like Lucy, Bobby assures him it is absolutely no problem. 

“Please don’t tell him…” Tommy finally manages to get out. 

“I didn’t plan on it,” Bobby says softly, rubbing a hand over Tommy’s back as his sobs, turn to cries, turn to just some shaky breath and sniffling. “But…” he continues once Tommy is calm. “I do believe you should. I think it would help with your grieving process. And I know that Buck would want to be a part of that with you.” 

Tommy feels his face crumpling again. “I know that, I just—” Tommy looks back towards the room. “I just got him back. I can’t— I can’t lose him again…” 

“You think you’ll lose him?”

“I lost his child…”

That’s enough for Bobby to pull back and give him a stern— but sympathetic— look. “That was not your fault, Tommy.” He stares at Tommy; Tommy knows he looks doubtful. He sighs. “Buck would never blame you for this loss… he’d more likely blame himself for causing it.” Tommy’s eyes go wide and he’s about to protest, but Bobby stops him. “That’s just Buck, he will find a way to shoulder the blame no matter what… but he would blame himself so much more if he knows you went through this pain alone. So I definitely think you should tell him.” 

*

Tommy waits until the visitors die down. 

He slips into the room after Eddie and Chris have left and gently pushes it closed behind him. It must be written all over his face because Evan immediately asks him if he’s okay. “No,” Tommy says, quietly, dreading this conversation already. 

“W- What wrong…” 

Tommy crosses the room and drops down into his chair, taking Evan’s hand between both of his. He licks his lips, but his throat is so dry it doesn’t help much. Words are nonexistent, his nerves are frayed. “I- I, uhm…” Evan is looking more panicked by the second and Tommy is starting to regret choosing this while he was still in the hospital, recovering. The bulky feeling of the massive pad the hospital provided reminds him he is also recovering and Bobby’s voice is in his ear encouraging him to go on. He laces their fingers together, and the first tear falls as he realizes— “I was going to tell you today anyway…” 

His voice is so small, he is surprised Evan hears him, but he does. “Tell me what?”

“That- That I was… pregnant.” 

It takes a couple seconds for Evan to register what he said. “You- You… what?” Another beat and he realizes the tense. “Wait… was?” Tommy swipes away at the tears, and nods. “You- You had a—” He quickly nods again before he has to hear Evan say it out loud. Now tears are filling Evan’s eyes, and he shifts himself towards Tommy. “W- was it because of— of…” 

“I guess the stress… and I- I probably should have never been the one to fly to the scene… I’m- I’m so sorry, Evan.”

“Wha— No… Tommy, no, it’s- it’s not your fault.” Evan squeezes Tommy’s hand, pulling him closer so he can reach up and caress Tommy’s cheek, running his thumb under Tommy's eye to catch the tears. “You should have never been put in that situation… I’m sorry about that.”

“You have nothing to apologize for either…” Tommy says, reaching up to hold onto Evan’s wrists; his lips tremble despite his best efforts to control it and his breathing is so shaky.

Evan nods. He moves over on the bed as far as he can and releases Tommy’s face to lower his guard rail. “Come here,” he says, holding his arms out to Tommy. 

“I’m not getting in your bed, Evan…” Tommy says, forcing a laugh. 

“I want to— I n- need to hold you,” Evan says, softly. “Please come here…” 

Tommy doesn’t fight that— honestly he’d love nothing more than to be held by Evan. He carefully climbs onto the bed, avoiding wires and Evan’s injuries, and eases himself up against Evan’s side. He feels the most at ease in Evan’s arms, that he has since- since the break up really… He lets his head fall to Evan’s chest and exhales; with it comes a sob, then another, and another. Evan’s body is trembling too, and he feels a tear fall from above him and land on his forehead. 

He carefully wraps an arm around Evan’s body, holding him close as they grieve what they’ve lost. 

They cry until they can’t cry anymore, and then they just lie there in silence, until Tommy thinks maybe Evan has fallen asleep. “I missed you so much,” Evan says, disproving the thought. His face is buried in Tommy’s curls and he presses a kiss against them. “I don’t want to miss you anymore…”

Tommy gently shifts so he can look up at Evan. “Me neither,” he says, and pushes up enough to capture Evan’s lips. He brings a hand up to hold Evan’s face while he kisses him, and he knows there is so much more to say— so much more to be sorry about, and work through. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. 

He hates that this is what brought them back together. He hates that they might come out of this stronger than before, but at such a great cost. He hates that they will never meet their child… 

But he has been given a second chance at a future with Evan… and with that, maybe, he can hope for a second chance at a family with Evan as well.

[ladyeyrewrites]

Bun in the Oven

Rated M

Chapter 1/4

2160 words

chapter One of the trans!Tommy mpreg episode 8X07 rewrite I posted a snippet of on Wednesday.

Read on Ao3 or below the cut

There was a knock on the door.

Buck frowned. It was a bit early for it to be Maddie and Chimney but maybe they’d lucked out with the traffic situation. He wiped his hands on his apron, stepped away from the stand mixer, and answered the door.

It wasn’t Maddie and Chimney.

Instead, Tommy’s broad frame filled his doorway.

Buck’s breath caught in his throat. “Tommy, hi,” he said. “I was just thinking about you.” It was true. Buck hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Tommy since he’d overcorrected after the whole Abby reveal and asked Tommy to move in only for Tommy to break up with him because of some bullshit about Buck breaking Tommy’s heart in the future. So, Buck had done the only logical thing: purchased a stand mixer and filled his fridge with baked goods.

Honestly, Buck wasn’t sure if he was more angry or sad about the whole situation, but he did know that his stomach still swooped at the sight of Tommy standing in his door and it took every bit of self-control not to lean in to give Tommy a kiss hello. Not to wrap his arms around Tommy and pull him inside and never let him go.

“Sorry, I should’ve called before just showing up,” said Tommy. “But I think I left one of my chargers here and I can’t find my other one. So, dead phone.” Tommy sounded on the verge of tears which seemed strange when he could’ve just gone out and bought a new charger rather than checking to see if he’d left one at Buck’s. But maybe it wasn’t about the charger, maybe Tommy just wanted an excuse to see Buck.

Or was Buck letting himself get his hopes up for no reason?

“I uh, haven’t seen it. But are you okay? You look like you’re about to cry.” He wanted to reach out and touch Tommy, to offer some sort of comfort, but that wasn’t his place anymore. Tommy had taken that away.

Tommy shook his head. “Mood swings,” he says.

“Yeah, well break ups will do that I guess,” said Buck.

“That and I think I’m still adjusting to my new birth control,” said Tommy. About a month before the break-up Tommy’s primary care physician had suddenly retired and Buck had helped Tommy scramble to find another in-network provider who understood the healthcare needs of trans men. It had been such a headache and then once they’d found a doctor he’d wanted to adjust Tommy’s dosages and change Tommy’s birth control method from an oral contraceptive to an implant in the hopes that it would lessen the daily dose of dysphoria Tommy got when taking the pill.

“Listen, Buck—” Tommy started.

Buck flinched. God, it sounded so wrong hearing his nickname coming out of Tommy’s lips. It made him want to scream. But he was trying to be mature about this. Trying to be civil. Trying not to cling since that was clearly what Tommy wanted, and Buck could respect that even if he hated it. “I found some of your shirts in the laundry,” Buck said before Tommy could say anything else that was probably going to break Buck’s heart again. “I was going to text you.” Which was maybe a lie, because sure Buck had thought about texting Tommy, but never about the shirts.

He'd composed texts with everything he’d wished he’d said to Tommy instead of letting him walk out the door that night.

Texts that devolved into spiteful rants.

<em>Miss you</em> texts.

<em>u up?</em> texts.

All deleted and transmuted into baked goods: cakes, cookies, scones, loafs, Baked Alaska.

It seemed Tommy wanted to look anywhere but directly at Buck, which was just another thing Buck had lost. Buck blinked against threatening tears as Tommy glanced around Buck’s loft, eyes taking in the subtle changes that had taken place since they’d broken up, until his gaze settled on the mess that was Buck’s kitchen island. “You’ve been baking.”

Sure, Buck had baked with Chris before to help out with a school bake sale since Eddie was so culinarily clueless, but he hadn’t really done it in his own time until he’d found out about Tommy’s sweet tooth. He’d been practicing to make something for Tommy’s birthday but then Tommy had to go and dump him. Bitterness spiked through him. “Yeah. Anytime I get the urge to call you, I just I channel the impulse into something positive, like Baked Alaska.”

Tommy’s face twisted with regret, eyes growing glassy. Buck wasn’t sure if that had been his intention or not, but maybe it would be good for Tommy to really see how much Buck had been thinking about him. So, Buck walked over to the fridge and pulled out three loaves, making sure the fridge door was opened wide enough for Tommy to see the extent of Buck’s foray into baking and how often he’d been thinking about reaching out. “Here, you should take some.” He plopped three loaves into Tommy’s unprotesting arms. “Here’s a lemon loaf, and a walnut loaf, and a pumpkin loaf.”

“That’s a lotta loaf,” Tommy managed to say. “Buck, I—”

“Hang on, let me go grab those shirts,” said Buck because hearing Tommy call him by his nickname rather than his name made him want to scream and he didn’t want to do that, not when Tommy looked like anything could cue the waterworks at any moment. So, Buck might have fled his kitchen, jogging upstairs to grab the reusable tote bag of Tommy’s tee shirts and flannels he’d accumulated over their six months together. That bag had been haunting him every night as he lay in bed – alone – trying to fall asleep, wondering if Tommy was also alone or if he’d already managed to find a rebound.

Buck hefted the bag and his heart panged. Once he gave this stuff back, Tommy would well and truly be gone from his life. There’d be no excuse for Buck to reach out. No trace that Tommy had ever been in his life save for the indelible mark he’d left on Buck’s heart. So, Buck did something maybe a little impulsive and indulgent; he snagged one of Tommy’s flannels out of the bag and shoved it under his pillow.

He was absolutely not going to bury his face in it and cry himself to sleep later.

As he was engaging in some of the most pathetic breakup behaviour ever, his kitchen timer went off downstairs.

“Buck, do you need me to do something?” Tommy shouted up the stairs, voice carrying over the shrill timer beep.

“Yeah, could you just grab the baked brie out of the oven?” he asked. He snagged his favourite Tommy t-shirt out of the bag and stashed it with the stolen flannel too. If Tommy was allowed to unceremoniously dump Buck, then Buck was allowed to steal his clothes and not return them.

Buck gave a satisfied nod and started down the stairs to join Tommy. He was halfway down when he heard Tommy gag. Buck looked up from his feet in time to see Tommy turn literally green before unceremoniously dumping Buck’s baked brie on the counter, bee-lining for the sink and vomiting down the drain.

Buck raced down the stairs, rushing to Tommy’s side and rubbing smoothing circles on his back before he even realised what he was doing. “Are you okay?”

“Are you sure that cheese is okay?” Tommy asked catching his breath. “It reeks.”

Buck frowned as he got down a glass and filled it with tap water for Tommy to rinse out his mouth. “Uh yeah,” he said. “And brie’s not a stinky cheese.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Tommy sagged, leaning against Buck’s counter. “But my sense of smell’s been really weird the last few weeks.”

A sinking feeling filled Buck’s stomach. This all sounded very familiar.

They’d always been so good about using protection and between birth control and testosterone Tommy hadn’t had a period in well over a decade. But there’d been that little lapse before Tommy had found his new doctor and oh, God they’d definitely had unprotected sex that one time when they were both a little tipsy after getting back from babysitting Eddie. “You’re pregnant,” Buck blurted before his brain could send his tongue anything more tactful to say.

Tommy turned white as a sheet, eyes going wide. “I can’t be,” he said. “We were always so careful—” he trailed off and from the way his eyebrows shot up into his hairline Buck bet that Tommy had just connected the same dots he had. “Shit. You might be right.” His hand went to the back of his neck in a self-comforting gesture and Buck recognised all the signs of Tommy starting to spiral that he’d steamrolled over the night Tommy had ended things.

The last thing he wanted was for Tommy to leave right now. And that was probably the last thing Tommy needed right now. “Okay,” said Buck. He put his hands on Tommy’s upper arms and gently guided him to one of the bar stools. “Sit. Breathe. I need to make a phone call and then we’re going to talk. Okay?”

Tommy nodded, gulping down an unsteady breath.

Buck fished his phone out of his apron pocket and dialled Maddie. “Hey Mads, you and Chimney haven’t left yet, have you?”

“No, the sitter’s running late,” said Maddie. “Why?”

“I’m gonna need to take a rain check,” he said. “Tommy’s here.”

“Oh!” said Maddie. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“I don’t know yet,” said Buck.

“Well, let me know when you do,” said Maddie. “And take care of yourself.”

“Thanks, Mads,” Buck hung up and turned back to Tommy.

As soon as Buck’s eyes landed on his ex-boyfriend Tommy bolted up off the stool. “I should go,” he said. “You had plans and I should go.”

Buck took advantage of the fact that his legs were longer than Tommy’s and intercepted him before he reached the door.

“Buck move,” said Tommy. “I need to leave.”

“Nope,” said Buck. “I’m not going to let you walk away from me again. Not until I’ve said what I need to say, and we make a plan to move forward.”

“There is no moving forward,” said Tommy. “There is no “we” anymore. We broke up.”

“No, <em>you</em> broke up with me and left,” said Buck. “You didn’t let me say anything. You just decided on your own that there was no way I’d want you around in the future and then you left. Also, if you’re pregnant, I want to be there for you no matter what you decide to do, even if it’s just as a friend.” Because even though Buck so desperately wanted more, now wasn’t the time to say as much.

“It’s probably just a stomach bug,” said Tommy.

“If you really believed that you wouldn’t be running away,” said Buck.

Tommy flinched and Buck hated himself a little, but he needed to say everything that had been circling through his head in the time since Tommy had broken things off. “I don’t know what happened that made you think you could never be my last,” said Buck, speaking carefully so he wouldn’t say something he’d regret. “I know nothing I say right now is gonna convince you of the truth because now there’s maybe a baby involved and that complicates things, but I really wanted you to be my last Tommy. I still do. And this isn’t me asking you to change your mind about breaking up, but maybe it’s me asking you to trust that I actually know what I want. And what I want is to be there for you no matter what’s going on, in whatever way you’ll let me. Please let me.”

Tommy sighed and he looked at Buck so tenderly, despite the dark circles under his eyes that Buck had to dig his fingernails into his palms to keep himself from reaching out and cupping Tommy’s face in his hands to try to rub some of that fear and exhaustion away. “Okay,” said Tommy. He backed away from the door, returning to the bar stool at Buck’s kitchen island.

“I guess we should probably see if you really are pregnant,” said Buck, relief flooding through him.

“Probably,” said Tommy.

“I can run to the drug store and grab a few tests,” said Buck. “But you have to promise not to go anywhere.” He fixed Tommy with a meaningful look until Tommy met his gaze and nodded. Buck took his apron off and grabbed his wallet and keys.

“You promise?” Buck asked.

“Yeah, Evan, I promise,” Tommy snapped.

Buck grinned.

“What?” Tommy asked.

“You called me Evan,” said Buck and Tommy probably hadn’t meant anything by it. It was clearly a slip up, but it soothed something within Buck to hear Tommy call him that.

Tagging those who asked and those who seemed interested:

@silversky9 @unhingedangstaddict @ironspiderdad12 @beanarie @sporadicmakerwerewolf @azaharinflames @aisatsana441 @bugboybuck

[laundryandtaxesworld]

A Bun In The Oven

Tommy tries to surprise Buck with a cute pregnancy announcement.

here on ao3

for @bucktommyfluffebruary day 8!