#honestly the stuff in the 50s confuses me so bad i. i just kinda attempt to not think to hard

[surrender-souls]

what does this even mean i feel like maybe im being stupid but florida doesnt border mexico

[lord-tekron]

Another day, another Behind the Scenes regarding The Springlock Paradox

Felt in the mood to do some ramblings, and given how we’ve talked about The Puppets, we went into the History of The Afton Bots, and we went into the logic behind Dave Miller and ya boi Springtrap. I think we should turn our attention from all of that towards the most newest (kinda) character introduced, Henry Fredburn.

---

But first, we need to address something, and it is going to be a bit “meta” (I think anyways, basically a buzzword that means nothing nowadays). But this post is gonna serve secondary purpose. See I finally got around towards breaking my silence and attempting to reuse the Freddit Discord, more specifically the fanon channel. 

Naturally, this will be shared there once everything is written and explained, but it will also double as a way to share The Springlock Paradox to those people without spamming the channel and basically making it all about me. Which is the reason why I was so hesitant to use it for so long, when you got 50+ chapters under your belt and so much you wanna ramble about, you can easily hog the spotlight. And it would be wrong to casually punt away the others that wanna share their ideas and AUs. So this is a sorta workaround to make a best of both worlds scenario (in theory anyhow)

So, hello you select few that looked at that link and have clicked it! I welcome you to the madhouse. Here is the chapter selection of all currently available chapters of The Springlock Paradox that have been made over the last five years. https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1PQzyf1HbuALjm4ZNVWrGgoHZxu9Qr47f

You can read them if you want, you can not read them, you can read the other behind the scenes posts I shared links to in that first paragraph, you can also not. I will not force you to do so, but do be wary that this stuff is gonna rot your mind from raw confusion if you ain’t ready. With that being said, let’s ACTUALLY now talk about Henry.

---

So, let’s first talk about “Why bring Henry back?”, and there are two main reasons. First is because it would be interesting story wise, having him come back after both his ending of FFPS and after all that happened in the first Arc/Saga would dynamics and let me play off characters interacting with this face that is both new and old at the same time.

The second reason, is that it is REALLY fun to bully Henry. Because Scott gave him this grand finale at FFPS, and then five seconds later went and said “Nah that didn’t happen anymore.” (I know there is technicalities all over the place cause of The Mimic but honestly the books make my head hurt). Also because he forced his daughter into being a furry and then tried to sell her for $5, to which I constantly made the joke of him being a “Bad Dad”. I make fun of Henry as much as I make Michael the punchbag in TSP. So it was time we brought him into the mix so the bullying can continue. :V

Now for his design. One thing I wanted was for him to have an inverse color scheme of Dave. Where Dave had a purple suit with a yellow head, Henry would have a yellowish suit with his skull having a purple aura to it.

 Likewise, I had to ensure that the audience was aware that all that was left of Henry’s corpse was his charred skull. So of course we had Springtrap find and display Henry’s skull so he could mock it.

I also had to hide the idea of Henry coming back by making it so he wouldn’t wake up from the ample remnant around. 

Course he would come back, but through alternate means, hence showing the dream/flashback to where he first encountered Ekana

The next quest was to ask “how do we write him?” And the answer was pretty obvious; he is a man that just wants to finally do what he tried to end... Only to be completely bamboozled and confused by everything around him given how little he actually knows about what is going on. I mean, think about it; There are two puppets that ended up reproducing, the person he will think is William is instead his son, the person who killed his daughter is a pile of goo that is now on good terms with said daughter, both magic and alternate dimensions exist, not to mention the fucking mushroom people and SOULDOZER being around. He is basically a person knowing nothing about The Springlock Paradox encountering the ramblings I talk about out of context. He is the outside eyes looking in and has no idea what to make of all of this.

But let it be known that while I am mean to the man, I won’t be cruel. He did reunite with his daughter after all this time. And he also ain’t no pushover either, he has shown in the few chapters that he can throw down. And trust me, he is gonna pull his weight in upcoming chapters... At least he will in my eyes to justify future bullying on him. :V

---

And yeah, that is about it for this Behind the Scene talk, granted a chunk of it was to ramble about that freddit discord stuff, but it was something I wanted to talk about nevertheless. Alot of my focus is gonna be on Artfight this month so don’t be surprised if the next Chapter doesn’t get completed anytime soon. Will do pages when I have the time to, but most of it will be on Artfight. See you all next time I decide to spam a wall of text that you have to either read or scroll past.

[hetalia-reacts]

PLATONIC HEADCANINS !! PLATONIC HEADCANONS !! HOW ABOUT- a doting touchy-feely PLATONC reader with the allies?? Friendship headcanons :3 (do Axis if u can but PLEASE don't do that if you are tired or busy PLEASE don't ♡♡:))

America

I feel Alfred is also a bit of a touchy-feely kind of friend too

Especially with best friends and whatnot

Is either always at your house or telling you to come to his

He just wants to watch movies or play video games with you

Heck he just wants to exist in the same room with his bestie

Will Alfred wake you up at 3am to do something with him?

Yes

Y’all will either be doing mundane things like going on a store run or literally committing a crime

There is N O in between

Since the both of you are both touchy-feely and likely clinging to each other you bet you’ve gotten the same question 1000x

“Are you two dating?”

You both either go for the ewww hell no or a straight faced but sarcastic yes we totally are

But it’s 50/50 if you both actually go for the same response

It’s a game at this point to see if you guys can read each other’s minds

You guys usually make an awkward situation for the person that asked because one will say yes and the other says eww and neither of you will back down and explain that you guys are just sarcastic and teasing jerks lmao

England

Arthur isn’t the most touchy person so having a friend that is can be tough sometimes

He does appreciate the hugs and physical comfort/support but he just gets kinda awkward

Well at first anyways

When you are certified besties he’s used to it and one can often find him gravitating towards you to just be close

Will never admit he likes it though sorry he’s a hard head

No one dares ask either of y’all that dreaded question though because they don’t want to deal with his sarcasm and the lecture that’s sure to follow

Arthur is a chill bestie though

Often invites you over to just be together

He doesn’t care if it’s just to talk, do something, or simply enjoy the presence of someone else

Help him cook maybe?

Even if you suck at cooking he enjoys attempting to cook with someone else

And that also means having fun in the kitchen and being complete dorks the whole time

And also having to order food or eat a sandwich because unless you can cook it’s going to be inedible

Will make you watch and read Sherlock, even if he has to be there or read it to you it’s happening

France

Francis is very touchy as a friend unless he knows someone dislikes it

So having a bestie that is like him is perfect

People probably think y’all are glued together at this point

No one would ever think y’all are dating either because Francis acts completely different with his bestie than a love interest

He’s kind of a mean ass ngl

He likes to jokingly bicker and fight with you

And definitely likes to cling and be dramatic with you to the point it’s annoying to others

Francis drags you with him everywhere

His house, the gym, the store, England’s house, etc

He cant just go alone anymore it would feel wrong like he’s forgetting something

If you’re bad at dressing or have no style he’s got your back

Literally shops for you but also constantly says things like you’ll never look as good as him

You are also one fo the few that will ever see Francis get serious or down in the dumps

It’s just something he doesn’t wear on his sleeve and reserves for those closest to him

Canada

Matthew is not used to having people cling to him

He’s not really used to having people notice him so having a someone that’s his bestie, that notices him the most, and always clings and talks to him is a strange and wild concept

Doesn’t mind the touchiness and honestly rather prefers it

He’s kinda touch starved :/

Matthew is likely always at your house with Kumajirou

Movie marathon and cuddles yo

Also as his closest friend you come to see his ‘secret’ side of being sarcastic and a complete savage

This boy does not hold back with you either

Maybe at first he did but when he realized y’all are in this friend stuff for life he won’t censor or sugar coat things if it’s not necessary

Makes you play and watch hockey with him

Will teach you everything if you know nothing

Matthew is the type of friend to invite you to his families holidays/vacations and come to yours

He knows and is cool with basically all of your family

I mean who could hate or dislike this polite boy?

Russia

Ivan is not used to friendship either as people usually tremble in fear before him

so having a friend that is touchy on top of having a close friend can be a bit much at times

But he’s happy!

He loves the hugs! Loves the contact! Loves having a friend!

Loves cuddles most of all he won’t lie, Ivan loves the feeling of comfort and support when you cuddle him

People do often assume you two are dating because most people assume someone would only put up with him if they were in love with him

Neither of you mind the rumors since y’all know the truth

Ivan is the sweetest friend

He shows up unannounced with food or groceries all the time

Always helping you out without being asked

Like oh your washing machine broke I fixed it/bought you a new one already or oh you suck at this let me explain it and teach it to you

Does this completely unprompted

He’s always over at yours or always inviting you over to his

Wants to do classic friend things?

Like things he sees in movies and shows that friends do a lot or things he’s overheard from others

Late night store runs, hanging out at parks, showing up unannounced to crash at your place, those kind of things

You’re the only person he confides in, you know all his secrets, his sadness, everything

Honestly, Ivan is the person who needs a touchy-feely friend the most out of everyone

China

Yao is happy about having a touchy friend but will always play like he hates it

Not in like a tsundere “I totally d-don’t need friends baka” kind of way but a really dramatic “omg I can’t believe you’re so obsessed with me haha loser” kind of way

He’s only joking of course and apologizes if you get hurt by his teasing or he crosses a line

Only a brave few would try and ask if y’all are more than friends

They have to listen to a lecture with an angry Yao explaining that people can be close and not want to date and how immature and inappropriate they’re being

Totally the type of friend that mothers you

Constantly says you look skinnier than last time and forces you to eat because he’s worried for you

Will not sugar coat anything for you

If you ask for his advice then I’m sorry but you’re gonna get it even if it makes you cry or get mad

Yao wants you over at his constantly

He’s lonely man ㅠㅠ

And he doesn’t want to leave the comfort of his house

Expect a lot of his gifts for your birthday/holiday to be cute plushies he found

Germany

Ludwig act differently depending on when y’all become besties

Like before Italy, he’s nervous, confused, and slightly annoyed by all the touching and notion of being besties

If it’s after Italy he’s used to all the touchiness and has figured out how to show his friendship to you in other ways

Like making you things! Or simply inviting you to hang out!

Ludwigs is always gonna be a bit awkward though

Always shy about hanging out and inviting you over

Many people assume you two to be dating because of his awkwardness but he is the first to start defending your friendship and it’s pure nature

He develops a sixth sense and now answers people’s questions about the two of you without even looking at them

He can just feel the nasty vibes

Asks you to do mundane things with him

Like shopping or even chores

Asks you to come bake with him a lot

It was embarrassing at first since not many people know his love of making sweets but he’s over that now

I know I say this a lot, but please work out with him _(:3 」∠)_

My guy just wants a work out buddy, a spotter, a n y t h i n g just please pick up the smallest dumbbell and pretend you want to work out

If you ask for advice expect him to be straight to the point about it but comfort you afterwards

Italy

Feliciano is a god tier bestie if your touchy-feely

Doesn’t matter if that touchy-feely emotionally and/or physically he’s down for both

Like please hold his hand, hug him, give him head pats, cheek kisses or any form affection really

No one even thinks anything of it, it’s just Feliciano being himself

If anyone did ask if you were dating he might get self-conscious of his actions, he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or like he was trying to be something more with you

He’s easy to calm down though

Feliciano invites you out all the time

Restaurants, wine tastings, farmers markets, gondola rides, just about anything he can think of that he thinks you would like to do

Always at your house

He eats all of your food too, but he makes you some in return so it’s okay

Gives really good advice

Like for his bestie he’ll get super serious and thoughtful about your issues, even spending days thinking of solutions

Tries not to sugar coat things for you but ends up doing just that

He doesn’t want to make his friend cry or even more anxious

Will comfort you though if you are upset about anything he’s said and apologizes profusely for it too

Japan

Kiku is overall one of the ones who needs a touchy bestie but is the most challenging with receiving or giving the touchiness back

He’s a man who enjoys personal space and alone time, so he’s honestly surprised anyone considers him a true best friend

He knows he can get a bit feisty and shut himself away when he gets uncomfortable and that makes it hard to truly befriend him

But he’s really happy you stick around and deal with his awkwardness and rejection of your affection

Tries his hardest to at least accept your friendly affection

No one would dare ask if you two are flirting or together because my god it’s taking so much of his effort to just sit less than 2 feet away from you at the start so they don’t want to ruin his progress by making it awkward

Kiku definitely asks for your opinion on anime and manga

Gets into heated debates with you over certain ones

Is shy but asks you to come over a lot

Likes to have tea and snacks with you while you guys talk

Y’all can talk for literally a whole day

You sleepover a lot, he insists and even got you your own futon with a cool custom cover

Gifts you a kotatsu at some point because he loves them and he thinks you should enjoy them all the time too

When he gets over a lot of shyness he loves when you do simple forms of affection with him

Like ruffling his hair or holding onto his arm or even just leaning against him

He enjoys those the most since they aren’t too physical and mentally taxing on him and it still let you physically express your friendship with him like you love to do

If you ask for advice either get prepared for a harsh wake up call or a stumbling mess of words

It’s 50/50 if Kiku gives you the stone cold truth or tries to spare your feelings

As your friend he thinks you deserve the truth but he doesn’t want his harsh advice to ruin your mood or make you hate him

[entropic-introspection]

Final Fantasy XIV: A Quick(ish) Summary As Told By Someone Too Lazy To Recheck Exact Times/Things

1.0- We don't talk about it

A Realm Reborn (ARR)- for some strange reason the world got like, completely blown up 5 years ago, crazy! You are some dumb kid from nowhere in particular, with nothing but the clothes on your back and a weapon that is little more than a chunk of wood, or a book. Possibly just your fists. You have got 50 levels and a shitload of lore to get through until you reach the first expansion.

Essentially: you don't have enough money for chicken nuggets, your fashion game is nonexistent, and every high level player calls you a sprout and exhibits Concern about your every action (they mean well).

Garlemald bad, Ascians bad, Eorzea uhhh trying to be good but kinda racist/capitalist/pirates with a history of colonialism, Coerthas is French Catholic and in the Crusades with the dragons. Hydaelin... good? Confusing, for sure, often referred to as Mother in text. Primals bad and scary, but fortunately you are immune to their mind-fuckery techniques thanks to Crystal Mom and surprisingly good at kicking their asses. Garleans mad that you ""savages"" keep killing Primals, despite having a whole mandate against Primals and Primal summoning. Ascians mad that you keep killing Primals because Ascians are dicks. People die, there is an amnesia plot, some annoying twerp is annoyingly right about a lot of things and also you can't get rid of him, Moogles, possession, fucking Ancient Aliens Allagans (if it's a problem in ARR, it's Ascians or Allagans aight), and hey ho you go and kick Garlean asses until they throw a giant machine at you that they stuffed full of Primal juice. Such devastation-!

Then there is the slightly post ARR stuff, where we're still level 50-ish but not really into the next expansion. So basically, we meet Dragon Dad who slaps Crystal Mom's blessing off of you to build character, Ascians are once again dicks, Who The Hell Names These Things, wow Lysanderoth you're definitely not suspicious at all, and our annoying twerp is dabbling in politics and for some reason you're getting fond of him?? Just in time for...

Heavensward (Lvl 50-60)- Congratulations, you are now an enemy of the state! We return/flee to French Catholic Coerthas/Ishgard, where we get to room with our Dear Friend, Haurchefant.

Don't mind how all the high leveled players have started crying. This expansion is emotionally devastating, has a great storyline, and also features canonical consensual dragon vore as a plot point. You know that tweet that's all "Church bad because they won't let you fuck dragons"? Yes, that's Heavensward. You will still cry. We embark on an epic road trip with the annoying twerp (ft his existential teenage crisis), a famous dragon killer and sadboi, and a famous lady who advocates peace/fucking dragons. Somehow, none of you kill each other. Instead, you murder a weirdly attractive bug-man with good music and a desire for violence, a giant flying whale, and some old dudes. You also beat up the same Ascian from the first bit, again. And again, in his final(?) form. Dragon Dad has come along to watch your progress, and also check on his kids cause he's actually, y'know, the entire progenitor of the dragon race. Wow! His family is very sad, mostly. But he does like you, so hey, he can adopt you and have one kid that turned out ok and happy! Hahahahha there's no therapists in Eorzea :')

Then we get to deal with "Hey we ended your like 500 year+ Crusade and kind of upended your social structures, y'all good?" (no), something something Warriors of Darkness, something something Urianger sus, then ALISAIE JOINS THE PARTY. I love her ok, let me have this. She's the annoying twerp's twin, and she's more inclined to hitting things that politics and philosophy. She's also kind of crushing on you. Also Minfillia kinda fucks off to nowhere, which is weird, b/c she has been Important but also Not Involved with the plot for like. 8 years.

Stormblood (Lvl 60-70)- Return of Lysanderoth! Briefly. Before he fucks you over, again. And a bunch of other people, honestly. But hey, this puts Eorzea in open contention with Garlemald for the first time in years, instead of them hovering in an uneasy cold war. For the first goddamn time in the game, you canonically get your ass kicked. Hard. So hard you decide fuck it! And go overseas to Fantasy Japan/China to visit some nice people you helped out earlier. You get catfished. You meet a weeb. There's some pirates, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There's Ravana take 2, this time in a slightly more 'Forever 21' phase. Wild, young, free, REJOICE.

You attempt to inspire rebellion (since your character doesn't talk much, this is quite difficult). Garleans crack down, and hey look, the dude who kicked your ass is back! Prince Zenos Yae Galvus, as by this point you've hopefully learned, even if you're bad with names like me. He kicks your ass again, but this time we break his helmet, and wait shit is he... kind of hot? Maybe? Fuck?? He pins you to a wall and tells you to find him later, it's all confusing and prompts strange butterflies in stomachs. (Side note: as a lesbian, I am making some assumptions here. Mostly based off of how I reacted to the idea of Tsukuyomi doing the same. Mm.)

Then he promptly fucks off, and to work off that sexual tension you square up and work with local friends on Rebellion! You get help from some neighboring nomads after proving you're cool enough to tame a bird, and this proves enough to free the area from Garlean control (for now). We go back to Eorzea, and prepare to kick Zenos' head in. He's playing hard to get though, so we gotta get through some other folks, learn hard lessons about war/colonization, and feel bad. AND THEN WE KICK HIS- oh no wait. Is he... coming on to us again? Oh jesus man, get a therapist, oh my god, this is awkward for us both. Turns out he's kinda depressed and just wants you. To fight him. To the death. There is some bullshittery and he becomes dragon. Fails to kill you, so he kills himself. (Spoiler: it doesn't stick)

The Garlean Empire is now pissed off at you, and Eorzea in general. Everyone is kung-fu fighting, but oops, Garlemald is preparing to commit ~war crimes~! Someone is doing something weird, which is making your Scion friends fall into comas, which is both very convenient and highly inconvenient, cause all of you are kinda needed right now! Zenos, or something in his body, is causing trouble as well. Look, even when we thought he was dead he was causing trouble.

Shadowbringers (Lvl 70-80): We find out what's been making our friends pass out- someone from another dimension has been trying to yoink you over to them, and like all attempts at using the Rescue spell, it just sometimes leads to hilarious accidents. In this case, some epic lag, so although your friends have only been out of it for a week or two at most, they've been in this other world for 5 whole years in some cases. Turns out, Garlean war crimes are all an Ascian plot (what isn't, by this point), and mysterious Crystal Exarch is hoping you can save this world and your own.

At this point, Yoshi P, the lead developer, pulls out a gun and asks if you've been doing all those side-quests and optional 48 man raids. He worked very hard on those, you know. He put in lots of lore. Then he asks if you remember all those dangling plot hooks from previous expansions. We're addressing a lot of those. And adding more. You are sweating and nodding frantically while scrolling a wiki on your phone.

You get to feel like you're in an Otome game, because there's two dudes being weirdly polite and interested in you, but also real snappish to each other in terms of "fuck off she's mine". Alisaie and Alphinaud off-screen character development. Urianger still sus. Thancred now a dad? Y'shtola still so good. A lot of things happen, and you get progressively sadder as the expansion goes on. You get a nice, great big burst of hope and love, and then SOMEONE is a DICK with a GUN. (It is not Yoshi P.)

Now you just feel bad. Your character feels bad. This is all build up for the A) some motherfucking revelations and B) the utter catharsis of "If you could take one more step... would you?" "What, all by myself?" "THROW WIDE THE GATE"

I have shed legitimate tears over Shadowbringers ok, between the music, story, and pacing it is an Experience. Oh my god tho, all the music from Shadowbringers is so good. La-HEE

[lordseochangbin]

50 shades of changbin: the end

a/n: wow.. my first long ass fic coming to an end, this is sad lol anyways! thank you reading <333

directory

jisung stood outside your door, a bottle in his hand and a smile on his face as he remembered what happened the last time he dropped by. 

after a few knocks, you opened the door, thanking the gods that you two had the same attire on. you wore a casual white tee with black sweatpants and he wore just about the same except with a blue printed tee and a beanie. 

“come in” you seductively said, making him laugh as he placed the bottle on your kitchen counter.

“so pasta? give me a bite” he requests as he grabs the cooking spoon from the counter and takes a bite of pasta over the stove.

“jisung!”

“what? it’s tasty”

---

meanwhile, it looks like hannah and changbin are enjoying their first date. holding hands, candle light dinner, privately booked restaurant… all the cameras flashed inside- almost blinding changbin and testing his patience.

“how much longer do we have to be here?” changbin asked with an annoyed tone.

hannah smiled back at changbin, gritting her teeth, “until the press sees that we’re a happy couple”

“you don’t seem too happy with all that food on your plate” changbin remarked, leaning towards her across the table and holding her hand.

“just lost my appetite looking at your face” she replied, rolling her eyes

“aww, do you want me to feed you?” changbin asked in a baby-like tone

hannah cocked her head to the side, noticing some of the press leaving. “thanks changbin, but i’d rather shove it down my throat”

“i know what else you can shove down your throat…” hannah’s eyes are bulging from changbin’s words before she could kick his shin under the table. 

“changbin, why are you making this so hard for me?!” hannah asks, dropping her fork on the plate 

“i’m sorry, what did you say? ‘hard for you’?! right because being blackmailed to leave my girlfriend and watch her flirt with some other guy in front of his own building isn’t hard enough” changbin saying in a mono-tone voice, trying his best to keep a smile on his smile as his heart does that thing again. the thing where it feels like his heart is sinking inside him. 

he used to be stone hard, in more ways than one i guess you can say, girls coming in everyday and never appealing to him. now he feels like his heart has hit an iceberg, tragically falling apart and sinking underwater. 

“changbin…” hannah whispers in shock, taking his hand in hers before changbin could casually pull away.

“don’t- you’ve been such a bitch to her. can you just tell her about this? please?”

“changbin you know i can’t-”

“please” he repeats, his voice cracking at the single piece of hope left. “i don’t want her to hate me forever hannah, i can’t”

hannah stares at the floor, thinking about how to explain the whole situation to you before looking up to changbin. “fine. i’ll talk to her tonight.”

----

changbin drops hannah off at the front of your apartment complex, looking up to see the lights on in your apartment and sighing in relief.

“are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” hannah asks for the third time on the way here. changbin nervously shakes his head before looking away.

“okay then, i’m not sure how long i’ll take so if it takes too much time just let me know and i’ll take a taxi”

as soon as the elevator makes that ‘ding’ sound, hannah head is filled with thoughts. maybe she should just tell you everything. from the drug case, the secret lover, the fake relationship with changbin, the blackmailing. 

she was never good with words, but she knew once she started talking she wouldn’t stop. she was going to tell you everything.

wiping off excess sweat on the sides of her jeans, hannah musters up some courage and walks up to your door, giving it a few knocks. after a bit of time, she stares at the floor thinking maybe you didn’t want to see her before the door could open.

“look y/n i’m sorr-” you jump in your seat at the familiar voice, running to the door that jisung opened as you pull hannah into a hug.

“hannah, what are you doing here?!” you ask 

“y/n! what is this piece of shit doing here?” she asks, throwing your arms off her as she goes to confront jisung.

“hannah.. hannah look-”

“stop! you don’t get to talk to me jisung. you don’t get to say anything!” hannah screams, bursting into tears. you pull hannah into a hug, wiping her tears as she found comfort in the crook of your neck.

she’s full on sobbing as jisung tries his best to look away, “look.. umm.. maybe i should go..”

but you’re not sure what’s going on. “look, i’m sorry but do you two know each other?”

before the question could leave your lips jisung was out the door.

“y/n..” hannah says, wiping her cheeks with her sleeve.

“what’s going on hannah?!” 

“i-it’s kinda a long story?”

“and i have lots of time, considering my company just ran out the door”

----

“have you read any of the articles about how i got arrested?” hannah abruptly asked as the two of you sat on the couch.

“no?? i was curious but i had no time to, why?”

“well jisung, he’s a cop. he had me arrested.”

“what do you mean?!” you replied in a shocked tone, leaning closer to hear what she had to say.

“jisung and i go way back, i suppose. we dated a bit, and i honestly liked him until i got into the drug scandal. once my name was blacklisted to the public, he asked me to see him so he could help.. but he betrayed me and got me arrested”

you looked down into the palms of your hands, wanted to slap yourself a thousand times. “s-so…” you wiped your sleepy eyes trying to comprehend the whole situation, “jisung, the guy who was just in my house, had my best friend arrested.. who was also his past lover”

“yeah…”

“and my best friend is now dating my boss…”

“OH right! about that, we’re not actually dating”

your eyebrows creased as you stared at her dumbfounded, “hannah?! what do you mean??” 

she let out an exhausted sigh,  taking your hand in hers as she explained. “i just needed him to date me for awhile to get my name out of the papers”

“and you didn’t think about telling me??”

“i couldn’t risk getting caught! if the media saw you with him everyone would know i’m lying!”

“jesus hannah.. seriously. you’re telling me this whole thing was set-up?”

“it’s actually very annoying, but yes. changbin is an annoying asshole by the way” hannah added, making you laugh

“tell me about it”

she leaned on your shoulder, making you unconsciously lean on her head as she whispered, “friends again?”

rolling your eyes, you tickled her side making her fall off the couch before agreeing. 

“fine… friends again”

once hannah leaves, the familiar car leaving your house late at night, you’re forced to think about how changbin must’ve felt this entire time. the way you shaded him must have been hard enough, but you knew it must have been hard to keep such a secret. 

----

a few knocks are heard at your door as you get ready to leave. you’re surprised by the familiar face. “jisung!” you sarcastically exclaimed. 

“oooh, you told you everything didn’t she?” jisung replied back with a cringe face.

“yeah but don’t worry, at this point i’m just trying to understand everyone’s viewpoint” you chuckled, the sleepless night you just had bound to take its toll on you before jisung hands you a coffee. 

“well if it helps…”

“thank god, i seriously needed this”

you two arrive at the company building, jisung opening the door as you walk out. 

“thanks for the ride ji, i’ll see you later?” 

“of course” he winks, watching you before you head inside. 

changbin can’t believe his eyes. seriously? after last night this dumbass is still hanging out with him?

he gets out of his mercedes, throwing the keys at the valet. “park at the front, i have something to deal with.” 

jisung’s in the midst of getting inside his car before changbin steps in. if a punch couldn’t be avoided, it could definitely be stopped by a guy who’s had three years of training as a cop. 

jisung could only flinch at changbin’s attempt to swing at him, his hand on changbin’s wrist as he smirks. “think you forgot i’m a cop sir”

changbin pulls his arm away from jisung’s grasp, pouting at the print around it as he looks up at jisung. 

“look, if you’re going to date y/n just treat her well-okay?”

“date? y/n and i are just friends” jisung replied, leaning back against his car.

“oh… well i’m changbin, her boss.. i just wanted to check up on her”

jisung nearly chokes on his breath at the introduction. “w-wait what’s your name again?” 

“seo changbin…”

“fuck, oh my god” jisung laughs, patting a hand on changbin’s shoulder as he remembers the name that you moaned in the middle of your… your night. “you’re one lucky dude changbin”

“what do you mean?” changbin asks, a face expressed with confusion as he pulls jisung’s hands away from him. 

“bro, she still likes you. she likes you a lot. believe me”

“for real?” changbin asks, feeling bad for all the times that he believed you had gotten over hi”m. 

“seriously, yeah” jisung was cut off as hannah walks up to changbin, hugging him from behind. 

“there you are handsome” hannah whispers, kissing changbin’s cheek as he scrunches his face up in an unpleasant way. 

“did you just kiss me?” changbin replies, disgusting from the gesture. 

“just go with it” hannah mutters under her breath, completely ignoring jisung’s presence. 

“anyways! enough talking with backstabbing idiots” hannah states, gesturing at jisung as he glares back at her, “let’s just go inside”

grabbing his arm, hannah walks away, making sure to kick jisung’s shin as she walks out.

“shit!” jisung exclaims, grabbing his shin in pain as he hops inside his car. 

“she still knows how to make pain with pleasure” he laughs off to himself, rubbing his leg before driving off.

----

you’re typing away at your desk, not sure how to approach changbin after learning the whole situation. it’s awkward, you even moved your stuff to the main desk the other day to avoid both hannah and changbin. after you and hannah reunited, she’s been switching off between the two of you, trying to get you two to make up. 

“come on! just talk to him!” hannah urges as you try to ignore it. 

“he’s busy hannah, and so am i. just drop it”

hannah walks away unsatisfied before seeing changbin’s eyes glued to the screen. 

“hannah?” he asks, showing her the current news. 

“yeah?” she joins him at the desk

“your face is off the news, i think everyone has forgotten it”

you roll your eyes at the paper in front of you, realizing it needs changbin’s signature. getting up from your seat, you drag your heels to his door before stopping at the sound of his voice. 

“let’s call it off now, okay? i can’t stand lying to y/n anymore.”

“honestly changbin i can’t either, maybe i should call it off tonight.. i’ll contact my manager”

“sounds good, so this?” 

you peek inside to see changbin standing with a piece of paper in your hand. 

hannah points at it before saying, “shred it” 

the contract is shredded before the two of them shake hands. “release my nudes and i’ll sue your ass” changbin smiles at hannah before she replies, “funny because i never had your nudes- deleted them a long time ago” 

you watch as hannah turns around, looking for the nearest place to hide before resorting to the plant near his door. 

“i saw you y/n, now go inside, he’s all yours” she winks before walking away. 

peeking inside, you see changbin stare at his phone. he seems busy, quickly making a phone call and you realize you caught him at a bad time. you slump back over to your desk, calling one of the assistants to get him to sign it. 

maybe you’ll stop by another time. 

----

walking past the mob of cameras, hannah hides out at a nearby bar. thank god this bar is a place where no one goes, otherwise she’d be screwed. 

“i need a drink” she mutters to herself, sitting at the bar table as she taps the lonely guy next to her.  “what are you having?”

“a martini blue- oh” jisung turns around, in shock at the face next to her.

“it’s you” hannah glares at him, the bartender passing by and she requests, “i’ll have what he’s having..”

jisung stared ahead of him, eyes fixated at the lines of beer bottles held up against the wall before asking, “why would you even want to sit next to me? don’t you hate me?” 

a hint of sorrow was heard in his voice, making hannah turn her seat to face him. “i don’t hate you jisung, that was my problem- it had be called out at some point”

the sounds of laughter and club noises were muted out as a stray tear left jisung’s eye.

“i’m really sorry hannah.. i just wanted to help” 

hannah’s hand only went to wipe the tear off, taking his face in her hand. “i know jisung.. i know” she smiled before pecking his lips. 

----

when the assistant dropped the papers you asked her to sign for you, you grabbed them from the floor. 

“changbin wants you to come and ask him to sign these, sorry miss” you roll your eyes at his request, leaving the papers on the floor

“that’s alright, i’ll just chat with him then.” 

you straight up your shirt before walking towards the room. the familiar doors open once you press your card against the reader, changbin’s face looking up from the stack of papers on his desk. 

“changbin, i quit.” you simply state, throwing your card on his desk as he runs over to the other side to stop you.

“wait y/n don’t do this-”

“don’t do what? it feels so awkward just seeing you and none of us are making a move to-” you stop mid-sentence as changbin presses his lips against yours, taken aback by his sudden action. 

“changbin..” you breathe out, wrapping your arms around his neck as he presses you against the desk. 

small kisses are felt on your neck as he whispers, “i’ve been waiting forever to talk to you.. i assume you know what happened with hannah” 

“i do..” you can't help but to grab his hair as he sucks on your collarbone. 

“so you know that i never loved her y/n, i only loved you this entire time”

“i-i know” you stutter as his hands reach to remove your shirt. 

“are you really going to quit? after all of this?” changbin asks, looking up at your blissed out figure 

“i think so changbin, it was fun while it lasted but i’m not sure if i could keep it up”

“perfect, then i guess it’d be fine if i fucked you against this desk right now? right?” he chuckles.

“changbin!”

“what? i am my own boss” he winks, removing his coat as you run your hands over his clothed abdomen.

“then come here mr.seo” you laugh, pulling him closer by his tie as he turns you around, head pressed against the desk as he tucks your skirt down. 

“this ones for your last day” he says, unzipping his jeans before you feel his member pressed against your ass. pumping his member a few times, you turn your head slightly to see his cock covered in pre-cum and before you know it, your nails dig into the wooden desk as he thrusts his member inside you. 

“fuck!” he hit your g-spot so well you couldn’t even help the noises that passed your lips, changbin didn't seem to mind though. his hands held your waist tightly as he continued his assault on you. 

he threw your head back at how you took him in, his pre-cum itself was enough lube to make him stretch you out so nice. hands grasping onto the edge of the desk, you feel your breasts press against the platform. 

the friction past uncomfortable before you feel changbin’s hands palm your breasts, whimpers leaving your lips at the way he stuffed you with his cock. you felt his heavy breaths near your ear as he collapsed onto your back, still thrusting harshly before letting out one last groan as he cummed inside you. 

you let your cheek press hard against the desk as you finally reach your orgasm after him, your heavy pants filling the room before changbin could peck little kisses on your shoulder. 

“i love you so much y/n” he whispers into your ear before pulling out. you close your eyes at the sudden stretch out near your core before turning around. 

“i love you too changbin” you smile into the kiss he pulls you into, arms wrapped tight around your waist before he could ask, “so you’re still going to stop by and visit right? because my lap needs to be occupied at all times”

“shut up changbin.”

“it’s true!!” he grins, fingers drawing circles on your lower back as he seats you on the desk. 

“i’m sure we could arrange something mr.seo” you wink before he could fit his figure between your legs. 

“now round two?”

[crystalelemental]

I know it's way too early for this kind of speculation, but what do you think FE17 will be? the Genealogy remake would be interesting, but that'd possibly damn FE18 into a Thracia remake, much like Shadow Dragon/New Mystery. unless they decide to make it into 1 game, which doesn't sound probable to me. maybe they'll make a new story, with less, uh, questionable morals to keep the new 3H fans interested into the franchise? will they keep the calendar, the instruction stuff, or go back to the laid back way of Awakening/Fates/Echoes? you don't have to give a long answer if you don't want, I'm just musing a bit here

“You don’t have to give a long answer,” as if that’s ever stopped me.

What do I think it will be?  I have no idea.  But given its popularity, they could be considering it like a Tellius situation, with a prequel game.  I don't think they can go sequel (more on that in the other response), but prequel with Seiros as the focus, going from the Red Canyon Massacre to the end of the War of Heroes?  Sign me up.  I would love more on that.  And I adore games that focus on side stories (Thracia, Blazing Blade), so I'm super on board for a fleshed-out side story about that period in Fodlan.

I can't say what they'd try to do with gameplay, but I do think they'd keep a sort of "home base" kinda thing at a minimum.  The instruction aspect of Three Houses was very specific to that game, and truthfully, I don't know if it will maintain.  Not to be how I am constantly, but I hope it doesn't.  I really feel like the monastery exploration and having to fine-tune instruction for students was more tedious than anything, and ultimately didn't add much to the gameplay experience.  I also feel like the calendar was kind of a bad call too.  A lot of events, as they're laid out, feel like they should be happening back to back.  But because of the calendar focus, you have situations where it implies you traveled far off to engage in a big battle, but then just walked back to the monastery for a whole month before marching out the same direction.  I don't think it blends events together all that nicely.  Frankly I think Fates' decision to have a pocket dimension where you can take care of your bullshit was a better way to hand-waive the question of how you're able to backpedal and stock up in the midst of a campaign.

That said, any non-remake game, and possibly even the remake game, will take inspiration from Three Houses in the same way Fates and Echoes did from Awakening.  The massive success of Three Houses is guaranteed to be an anomaly to them.  They still don't know why Awakening worked, I doubt they'll know why this one worked.  So I anticipate a lot of character tropes and storytelling angles will be reused in future games.  They'll try to mess with perspective and the idea of hidden history muddying the morality of things for sure.  I don't think there's any benefit for them to go back to more clear-cut morality.  Even if there's a lot of fan argument about it (Edelgard and Dimitri fans), that's never a bad thing.  That's still attention being drawn to your game.  That's still discussion around it.  No press is bad press, and this game is still more popular than the rest of the series ever had been.  So they'll keep characters like Lysithea, and Bernadetta, and have that attempt at a complex plot, and a bunch of mysteries that never get answered, and oh god every MU is going to be like Byleth now oh god oh fuck.

But personally, I want the next game to be a Genealogy remake.  I have issues with Genealogy as a whole, both gameplay and story-wise, and a remake could salvage at least some of that.  Support conversations definitely could, and a changing of certain story elements would be nice, although Fallen Julia's already in FEH so like...there goes my greatest hope.

That said, I don't really want them to do too much?  Like, Echoes added a few characters, and while those are some of the best in the game, a lot of that I feel like was to add any sort of significance to Alm's journey beyond the end goal.  Alm's route would be boring as all hell without Berkut, so his inclusion was a massive benefit to the game.  But I can't think of a situation where my qualms with Genealogy is "This just isn't engaging enough, we don't have enough people."  Genealogy almost has too many characters.  If anything their bigger problem is that characters and themes they set up are never utilized.  So it's more about reworking the narrative a bit rather than needing to include things to make a blander game stand out, you know?

I definitely don't think they'd combine Genealogy and Thracia.  I mean they could, but I don't think it's a good idea.  Genealogy, again, has too many characters already.  Combining the games leads to the question of where the hell Leif's army is, and that's adding like 50 characters to the roster.  Since you deploy every unit you have in Genealogy, that's...way too much.  They'd have to completely rebalance the game.  Not to mention Thracia doesn't play at all like Genealogy, and is way too long to be a brief side-story or DLC exclusive.  There's just no effective way to integrate the two.  I think it would be better to just make the game after that the Thracia remake, which...honestly is the best possible outcome as far as I'm concerned.

Binding Blade may not have come to the west, but people know Roy, and this series started over here with Blazing Blade.  We know a lot of Binding Blade information, by virtue of dedicated fans being upset the logical continuation of their starting point never got translated.  Comparatively, Genealogy and Thracia are pretty damn isolated, and it shows in their CYL placements.   They're not well known games at all, and gameplay-wise, they're really awkward and (in my humble opinion), not actually fun to play at all.  A remake is ideal for those games, because it gives them a chance to gain more attention and popularity in the general public's eyes.  Which is good!  Genealogy does have a worthwhile story to tell despite my gripes about its problems, and I honest to god thing Thracia's one of the best stories in the series, with one of the best protagonists in the series.  These games deserve more recognition than they get, and they're not gonna get it until they get remade to be more accessible.

It also dawns on me that the "less questionable morals" may have been about Genealogy's whole incest thing.  Listen, I get it, but they can't take it out.  I don't say this lightly, but that is like...the central point of Genealogy.  The awakening of Loptous is a matter of converging its bloodline, which had only one surviving member.  You really cannot work around this one, without making things either too confusing or too stupid.  If they really felt the need for that, they might back off of the remake entirely, which would be to their detriment.  But considering the Byleth/Rhea situation, I don't think they'll have much trouble.  And besides, it's pretty clear that an act of incest was the catalyst for almost destroying the continent, so I think it's safe to say the game doesn't agree with the practice.

[lizzytheauthor]

Why not, right? Might as well just post it chapter by chapter. I might need to figure out how to like...archive all of them in one post or...maybe I could just do a page or something on the blog? Idk. I’ll figure it out later. Here’s the first chapter

Chapter 1

Yellow. Blinded by yellow. I feel wind? When did I get outside? I feel...peaceful.

I blink my eyes, and suddenly I’m laying in my bed. I look at the clock, 8am. On the dot. I look over and see a still vacant bed. I don’t remember going to sleep last night, but I...I don’t think I saw this Pete person. Maybe he’s not in yet, maybe he’s arriving later. I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to be doing. My “treatment” is at 9. Which is in an hour. I can only assume that the treatment in question is some kind of hypnosis. I don’t believe it personally. People going under and acting strangely? Nonsense. They insist that after three or four treatments I’ll be cured? Impossible.

I can’t have been sitting there for more than 5 minutes, thinking about what to do with my time. But a quick glance at my clock read 8:50am. I swear it hasn’t been 50 minutes, yet the clock betrays me. Maybe I’m just zoning out. I’ll have to mention it to the doc-

Knock. Knock.

8:59. Hm.

I go over to the door, and open it to see one of the large men from the front. He just grunts, and I assume that means I follow him. His pace seems a lot slower, probably due to his hulking mass. It allows me to look at everything around me with more detail. The doors predictably all look the same, the halls are a bland beige with a dark blue line at about doorknob height. Occasionally there’s a potted plant at a corner, or alcove. It all reeks of hospital. I don’t like it, nor do I trust it. I especially don’t trust the time. I’ve heard of time blindness, but...surely it’s not this bad?

We round a corner, and start climbing some stairs. Strangely, it does feel like I know where I’m going? Maybe it’s just cause I’m following a large man who clearly does know. These steps feel a little more daunting. I get a sense of apprehension about just climbing them. Like...Well. It sounds silly. I feel like the stairs go on forever? It doesn’t, I mean, I can see the top. It’s right there. But it feels like it.

This thought made me turn around. I felt like I had climbed at least a dozen or so steps, and sure enough the landing is simply 6 or 7 steps down. I don’t know how to parse this information. I think it’s better to ignore it for now.

The hulking man never said a word, didn’t notice anything strange I guess. We did reach the top, after an agonizing amount of time, impossible for me to trust my own sense of time. The top of the stairs was dark. As we reached it, the light came on overhead. All I could see is an endless expanse of darkened halls. I suppose they’re motion sensors, and I’m the first treatment of the day. Maybe.

A split second, I could’ve sworn I could….hear something. I’m not sure what. Maybe it’s just the hum of the lights as they slowly gain heat from being on?

We pass door, after door, after door. It seems endless, monotonous, boring. Finally, after probably the longest walk down like 3 halls and some stairs, of my life. The large man stops, and gestures to a door.

I open it, and walk through, cause I can’t exactly tell that kind of man no, ya know? Inside the door, is a small room, there’s a single chair, under a light fixture, it’s somewhat reminiscent of a dentists office. But with less actual equipment. The door is closed behind me, and I decide to sit in the chair, cause I’m sure as hell not gonna stand. And I wait.

I wait. I wait. I wait. There’s no clock in here, so I don’t know how much time passes. If you pressed a gun to my head and asked me to tell you how much, I’d say 3 hours. Finally, the doorknob turned, and in came a doctor. A woman, early thirties probably. Long black hair, pulled into a ponytail. She’s wearing a white lab coat, and has small rectangular glasses, which she adjusted as she entered.

“Hello, uh” she looks at her clipboard, which I didn’t notice her holding previously. “Ralph. That’s a nice name.” she gives a smile, this one feels genuine. More sincere some how.

“Yea...uh...Hi?” I let out, I try not to stammer my words, I don’t even know why it’s hard for me to talk.

Her smile maintains, almost alleviating my previous concerns. Almost.

“My name is Cera. Cera O’Hara.” she extends her arm, to give me a handshake.

I think that’s what’s throwing me off, she’s the first person that seems..well...like a person. A genuine, sincere one. I take her hand, and shake it.

“Uh, can I. Hm.” I pause, maybe this is a weird question. “What time is it?”

“Oh!” she pulls out a pocket watch, it seems basic at a glance. As I stare at it, I notice there is an almost beautiful intricate etching in it. “It’s 9:15. Right, sorry about the lateness, I overslept on accident.” She puts away the pocket watch. “So, this first session isn’t going to be all that exciting. I just need to perform a basic analysis of your mental state, so I know how to properly proceed with treatment.” she lets out a light chuckle, “Not that I don’t trust the state’s doctors, but ‘C-PTSD’ is hardly a comprehensive diagnosis. It doesn’t even state causative traumas, attempted treatments, possible co-morbid diagnoses, et cetera.”

I nod my head as though I understand, but this is all way over my head. Honestly, it’s a little boring, and I almost feel as though I could fall asleep to her voice.

“So, let’s begin!” she says, with a clap.

Then, suddenly. I’m in my room. I...How did I get here? I don’t...quite remember…

A look at the clock above my door, it says it’s only 10:30...the sun is out, so it’s still morning. I remember in those ghost stories, that digital stuff is always unreliable, and old stuff works better. I focus my hearing, and I feel like with the silence of the building I can hear the motor in the clock, along with the Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Not digital. I breathe a sigh, but I don’t know if it’s from relief or...hm. Wait. No, there’s no apprehension. If I see Cera I’ll have to thank her...I’m sure this is probably her doing. It’s been...a while since I felt no tension in my shoulders.

I look at the calendar, and see there’s nothing on the schedule. Or rather, it’s more accurate to say that the only things on the calendar are treatment times. So I guess I have free access? I feel hungry, so I guess breakfast is as good as anything to start my day with. I hear it’s the most important meal of the day.

I chuckle at my dumb thought.

I begin to leave the room, and bump into him. I would not have expected pete to look like this, but I mean, he’s entering the room, so surely it’s him. He has curly red hair, glasses that seem more like binoculars on his eyes, and he’s so skinny, and short.

“Oh, uh, hi!” I try to let out, as I step aside letting him in.

He doesn’t respond immediately, instead goes to his bed and sits down. It takes a moment of agonizing silence, before he finally looks up, and notices me.

“Hello!!” he waves with this with a surprising cheerfulness, like I suddenly snapped him back into reality. “My name is Pete, are you just arriving?”

I nod, “uh, erm. No, I” I point to my bed, expecting it to be messy as I don’t remember making it. But… “Ah, well..uh, no. I came yesterday, I think.”

He looks mildly confused, but shrugs it off, “So you’ve had your first treatment then?”

“I...I think? I don’t remember. I remember the lady saying we weren’t doing anything today, but then I-”

“-’Woke up’ in your bed?” he finishes for me. “It happens.” he shrugs.

“So, that’s normal then?”

Pete thinks for a moment, “Uh, normal isn’t normal here. You’ll see, I think.” he takes out a drawing pad, and a pencil, and he starts drawing.

Not wanting to disturb my new roommate, I check the clock. 10:35. I could swear that it was longer than 5 minutes, but I suppose my sense of time is just shot. Oh! Breakfast, right. I’m hungry. My legs moved on their own, and I began to walk through the halls, I felt like I was on the second floor still, but a window I passed by betrayed me. I was on the first floor. I don’t recall any stairs. Maybe I was zoning out way harder than I thought. Finally I made it to the cafeteria.

“Hey ralph!” the jovial man handing food out addressed me, “You’re a little early for lunch, unless you want a second breakfast?” He waits for my response.

“Uh, wait, second? I never had a first.”

Brian winks at me, “Oh, I see, well here, how about some pancakes?” he seems to be sharing a one sided inside joke that I do not get.

“Sure, that sounds great!” the enthusiasm that erupts out of me surprises me.

The enthusiasm puts a thought into my mind that maybe this isn’t such nonsense. Brian puts a couple pancakes on my plate, and I walk to the table. I think about all the creepy stuff, but maybe it’s not actually creepy. Maybe it’s strange, yea, but I mean, if this fixes me, then why not? I feel better already, I think. And that was just after one treatment, which I was told wasn’t even anything.

My eyes feel kinda heavy. I should eat a little bit, for energy. I think.

With a blink, I’m transported away. A field of wheat. I notice immediately, that I’m alone, and the wheat seems endless. There’s no house, no building of any kind, no trees, nothing. Just endless wheat. I notice second, that I’m not scared. It actually feels peaceful.

I felt compelled to start walking, feeling the wind on my face, the wheat against my hands. I can almost hear voices carried by the wind, but no. I can’t make anything out. Honestly, it feels nice to just not be fearful. Stressed. I must be dreaming, right? I can’t quite wake up. Or rather, I can’t feel my sleeping body. I guess. It’s not another nightmare, yet, so I’ll just enjoy this. I’m sure it’s not unusual for a 19 year old to pass out in a cafeteria.

I walk endlessly, it feels like forever, and I know I can certainly not trust dream time. I can’t even trust my real time, so there’s no point really. I just walked. A building begins to blur into focus, in the distance. I decide to go towards it, I have nothing else to do. The building doesn’t seem to get any closer. Hours upon hours I walk towards it.

I think for a moment, that this actually IS another nightmare, but that’s not the feeling I feel. I still feel that serene grace. That quiet peace. Just walking. Maybe it’s the wind, maybe it’s the sun on my face. I don’t know. I continue walking. This seems...Fami-

CLAP.

I’m ripped out of my dream. I don’t recognize the room I’m in, but it’s not a bedroom. I try and take in my surroundings, but everything seems fuzzy. Like, like trying to imagine your childhood room, by someone who is describing it through old pictures that are worn. You can almost tell where you are, but not quite.

“Hey, come back to me.” a girls voice. No, woman. Older for sure. Not terribly old.

I try to look at the voice, but it’s so hard to focus. Why can’t I focus?

“Feel your senses returning to you, become aware of your surroundings. It’s not terribly difficult. I do apologize for the abruptness, but this is the first time you’ve been alone.” as she says this, things start coming into focus. Slowly.

The woman in the room with me, has long brown hair. Her face feels gentle, even though it’s still slightly fuzzy.

“My name is Valerie. But please don’t call me that. Call me Val.” her attitude seems different. Normal? Well, not normal for this place. But, like, normal for outside.

I become acutely aware of the room. We’re in a gym or something. There’s weights, and exercise machines. We’re the only two in the room, and it’s much bigger than I thought it was at first.

All I can mutter is, “What?”

“Come on, surely you realize what’s happening?” she waits, and I just stand there. Clearly irritated, she continues, “Hypnosis? I mean really, you’re in a hypnosis institute. Did you think it’d be therapy and gumdrops for your stay?”

She goes to the door, and checks both ways out the halls.

“Hypnosis?” I ask. I still struggle to find my thoughts.

“Ugh, yes.” she hands me a watch, “Don’t let them see this. Try to not lose time.”

I check the watch, it’s digital. 3:39pm. I lost 5 hours.

“No, no no. This has to be wrong. It was only 10 something a second ago.” I protest, but she waves her hand dismissing it.

“Missing time means they’re stealing it.” she glances out again. “Hey, go to reception, and ask for a journal. They hand them out to everyone that asks. Keep track of...well. Keep track of anything that feels important.”

“What?” but it’s no use, she’s out the door and down the hall.

I guess...I guess I’m going to go to reception and get a journal. I step out of the gym, and try to get a feel for where I am. I honestly don’t know. I see some people who look like people who work here, and decide to approach them. After all, I haven’t done anything wrong, there’s no reason for me to fear these people. Right?

“Hey, I think I’m lost.” I start, “I was eating lunch, and then all of a sudden I was in that gym.”

Which isn’t entirely the truth, but also not a lie. Surely they’d understand.

“You’re not lost.” one of them says.

I take a step back, I...what?

“What? No, I...” but then it hits me. I do know where I am. No, wait. I don’t. I swear I don’t. But my feet are already moving. Whatever panic might have started building is swiftly replaced with a calm. I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this.

I just, try and convince my feet I want to go to the receptionist. I pass some people dressed in clothes similar to mine, they don’t acknowledge my existence. I notice they seem happy, it feels genuine. Maybe. I doubt it. I continue walking down the light beige halls, with it’s green line at doorknob height. It seems off, but I can’t quite place my finger on it.

After a handful of minutes, I arrive at the receptionist desk. I see Miranda, typing at her computer. The computer looks like an old 90’s era computer. Not what I expected in this new age institute. At any rate, Miranda notices my presence.

“Oh! Ralph! Hello! Can I help you with anything?” her cheerful attitude is still overwhelming.

“Uh, y-yea. Can I have a journal? I want...I want to write my thoughts down.” I don’t quite know what I’m going to write, but…

“Oh, pesky thoughts. Always getting in the way, I think. Maybe writing them down will rid you of them!” she smiles at me, I don’t fully get her meaning, but that sounded threatening. She reaches under her desk and pulls out an all black notebook. It looks leather? I take it. “Off you go now, it’s almost time for bed!”

I look at the clock on the wall above her. 7:40. I glance to the front doors, to confirm that it is indeed night already. How did I lose…

“Uh, oh. Ok. Yea.” I turn and go back down the hall. I feel Miranda burning a hole in my back with her stare.

After I’m well out of Miranda’s gaze, I take the watch out of my pocket. 4:39pm. I don’t get it. I don’t understand. I look around the halls, and there’s no windows. I look at one of the plaques, and see I’ve already made it to my room. I...this is strange. I don’t understand. I shouldn’t, I mean. Once again I feel the panic start to build, and it swiftly gets crushed. Nothing. Calm? No, that’s not quite it.

I walk in, and see out the window, the sun is out. It’s not right. Nothing is right. I’m not. I don’t think I’m crazy. Am I?

“Hey dude, I’m about to go get some dinner.” Pete was still drawing on his bed. I don’t know if he’s moved at all from that spot, though he is laying down instead of sitting now. He looks at me, “Whoa, hey, you ok? You’re sweating.” he sits up, and grabs a remote to turn the ceiling fan on.

Did we always have one? I don’t remember.

Am I sweating? I must be, my clothes feel damp.

“Uh, I think I’m gonna lay down...Could, you..” I pause. I don’t know what to say. How do you explain this? Maybe he knows. “Do you lose time?”

He looks at me, concerned, “Yea. I do. Hey, let me grab some food for you, just lay down, take it easy.”

He walks off. I decide to write this in my journal. Maybe taking note of things will help me retain my sanity. I hope it does. I keep the watch next to my journal as I write, I really don’t want to ‘lose’ any more time. They don’t deserve it, it’s mine.

After writing how I felt, the time loss, the way this building seems to claim my sanity. I just lay there. I feel exceptionally exhausted, yet somehow still relaxed. Is this intentional? Is this fixing me? To be fair, I haven’t thought about my parents. I feel frustrated. Again, the feeling gets squished by a larger pacificati….that’s it. Pacification. That’s what I’m feeling.

Last time I looked at the watch it said 7:06pm. A little early, but my body needs the rest. Wait, wasn’t Pete going to bring me dinner?

I hope he’s ok. I can’t help but feel myself drift off to sleep at this thought. Yellow. Again, that blinding yellow.

[vantekay]

forever ||kth

word count: 2.4k

genre(s): angst, fluff towards the end, trigger warning, there are mentions of depression and dealing with it (like having a breakdown, sobbing and all that) but nothing super intense, but if mentions of it trigger you then please do not read or read with caution, 

long distance relationship; non-idol au

warning(s): mentions of depression, descriptions of a breakdown/anxiety attack. honestly just really sad. I wrote this after I spent 20 minutes staring up at the moon through my bedroom window as I let the cold air sting my eyes and face, I immediately wanted to write something that would help me get my feelings out, so it’s pretty much a look into my feelings? but not as deep or personal. but also It’s kinda cute, the idea anyways. I once did this with my ex and the feeling I got, although really cheesy, is something I never forget, and sometimes I still feel those same emotions when I look up at the moon (not emotions for my ex but you know what i mean). I suggest doing this with someone you love as well, it brings along a sense of serenity and honestly way more emotions than I am capable of describing. anyways I hope you enjoy this at least somewhat? the ending is super super super fluffy and lovely because I finished this when I had gotten out of this low and sad mindset so! tell me your thoughts hehe

header uses a photo of mine that I took, please do not repost as your own

the crisp spring breeze kisses its way up your skin as a shiver runs down your spine, creating bumps of raised skin along your exposed arms. was it a bit too chilly to be outside stargazing with no coat to protect your skin? more than likely, but you didn’t care at that moment. all that mattered to you was looking up and admiring the way the stars littered the sky, the way the waxing of the moon shone down brightly upon your body as you lay in the grass of the nearby field. it had been a really rough week for you. between school and work, your mental health was close to none and you really just needed a break from everything and everyone.

you had gone and deleted all social media apps from your phone, disconnecting yourself entirely from whatever social life you had to take some time for yourself. the only person you stayed in contact with, if you could even consider a message a day as contact, was your boyfriend, whom you didn’t even speak to regularly anymore. taehyung and you had been in a long distance relationship for almost a year now, and when weeks like this past one had made their way into your life, you wished for nothing more than the warm embrace of your boyfriend to aid you in your journey of self healing. today however, you had been more silent than ever before. you had left him on read all day, except for this morning when he asked how you were feeling and all you responded with was “I’m fine” before turning your phone on silent for the rest of the day and wallowing away in your sadness. it wasn’t until around 10pm when you had decided that maybe some fresh air would do you good, bored with staring at the four walls of your bedroom for any longer. so you pulled on some sweats, threw on your converse and set out for the park with your phone tucked into your pocket in case you decided to finally answer taehyung’s texts.

you truly felt bad for ignoring him, but he knew you weren’t having the best week and so he was patient with your lack of responses even if he was worried sick about you. that was another thing you felt guilty about - taehyung didn’t even know the whole extent of how you had been feeling. all you had told him was that you weren’t feeling well, which wasn’t exactly untrue. what you didn’t tell him was that you were afraid of opening up to him about your mental health issues. you were afraid that if you had exposed him to your messed up and jumbled thoughts and constant sadness and insecurities that he would leave you and find someone more stable to date. maybe even find someone he could meet up with in person instead of having to rely on facetime and text messages. you were surprised he hadn’t left you already, considering you’ve been a bit distant in the weeks leading up to this one.

but tae was an extremely understanding person, and he knew that something must have been going on to make you be so quiet for so long. he just assumed you would have wanted to talk to him about it by now. your silence and short answers leaving him confused and worried with each hour that passed. he wanted you to know that he would always be there for you, that he would listen to you no matter how crazy and bizarre you thought you sounded because he didn’t care. he wanted to be there for you no matter what, even if he was halfway across the world. he loved you for you, and he just hoped you knew that.

you’ve laid in the field for about a half an hour now, the inconsistent buzz of your phone keeping you only semi aware of your surroundings as you stare up at the night sky. you know it’s taehyung, and you know he must be worried sick about you, but you really can’t muster up the energy to read his texts and formulate a response to them. as you continue to feel the vibrations of your phone from your pocket, you also feel your cheeks become damp and before you can stop them you’re full on bawling. you normally don’t cry, instead just walking around with a pain in your chest that can only be described as someone pushing on it, preventing you from breathing- or crying for that matter- but you must have been more upset than you could understand because suddenly your sobbing and you can’t stop.

you continue to sob quietly in the middle of the field for another 10 minutes before your hand is subconsciously reaching into your pocket to pull out your phone. your lock screen reads 20 missed calls and 50 new messages, all from today and all from the same person. you sob even harder, feeling guilty for the fact that you’ve kept your boyfriend in the dark about your issues for so long. before you know it, you’re unlocking your phone and calling him, pressing the phone to your ear as your sobs quiet down slightly. taehyung answers on the second ring.

“baby? angel are you okay?” you hear taehyung sigh in relief and pain shoots throughout your chest as tears leave your eyes faster. “oh my god I’ve been so worried all day, please tell me you’re okay” his voice is laced with worry and concern for you and it makes you sob even harder. the only response you can muster to an already worried taehyung being your heavy breathing as you gasp for air.

“y/n? are you crying? please breathe, for me. here, breathe with me, ready? in…” he inhales deeply, hoping you’ll try and do it with him. you attempt to inhale along, but your breath catches in your throat as it continues to tighten, causing you to choke slightly.

“I can’t- taehyung I can’t-” you gasp but he cuts you off.

“shh, I’m right here baby, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. breathe in with me again okay, please? in….” he inhales deeply once more and this time you’re able to follow suit, closing your eyes as your tears slow and you feel your chest lighten up a bit, the boulder that’s been weighing you down suddenly getting lighter with the help of your boyfriend over the phone.

“good. you’re doing so good for me baby. keep breathing with me. in…” taehyung continues to do this with you for another 5 minutes, breathing deeply until he can hear your breath even out and your sobs quiet until nothing but soft whimpers leave your lips.

“can you breathe now?” he asks softly. you nod your head before realizing he can’t see you, so you whisper a soft “yeah” through the line even though it comes out broken and cracked, breaking off at the end to the point where you’re not even sure he caught it. but he did, and along with hearing you speak for the first time in what feels like years, he feels his heart break too. taehyung wishes he could be with you more than he could ever express, especially now that he knows you’re not just feeling a little under the weather like you had told him. he wishes to hold you and help you through whatever it is that’s causing you pain, and let you talk it out with him for hours while he cuddles you close to his chest. he glances back at the plane ticket he bought months prior sitting on his desk.

“I understand if you don’t want.. or um, can’t find the words to talk to me right now, but please don’t hang up” he whispers and you mumble another soft response, waiting with baited breath to see if he will continue speaking. “since I’m sure you’re not ready to talk just yet, can I? I need you to hear this before you say anything” he questions but he doesn’t wait for you to respond, already knowing you would tell him to speak. “I know you’re going through so much right now, stuff that you haven’t told me about, probably as a defense mechanism, but I want you to know that I want you to be able to talk to me. I want you to feel confident in our relationship and trust me enough to hear about your deepest thoughts and feelings. I love you, all of you, and I always will no matter what you might think or how much you think your feelings don’t matter because they do matter. you matter. especially to me and I want to help you, but I can only do that if you let me in. so please. y/n, please let me in” his voice breaks off at the end of his sentence and you feel your breath get caught up in your throat again, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

if you hadn’t already spent your energy on that first breakdown you're sure you would be bawling your eyes out right now. you open your mouth to begin speaking again but taehyung cuts you off once more. “don't force yourself to say anything, I can only imagine the thoughts running through your head right now. what you must be feeling, but please whatever you're conjuring up in that beautiful brain of yours, don't blame yourself for holding these feelings in. I understand your hesitation for not wanting to confide in me, but please try to keep me at least a little informed. I think I have a right to know that you were just a little more than under the weather like you mentioned. I really do love you, y/n. more than you could ever know” taehyung sighs and you close your eyes, swallowing the lump forming in your throat. “I love you too taehyung, so much.” your voice still sounds broken but taehyung smiles on the other line.

he lets a couple of seconds pass before he asks “do you wanna know a secret?” the question catches you by surprise, but nonetheless you hum in affirmation, waiting for your boyfriend to continue. “I bought a plane ticket to come see you next weekend,” he whispers, the smile on his face evident to you even without being able to see him. you shoot up off of the ground, a gasp leaving your lips as you ask him if he's serious at least 5 times in a row. taehyung giggles, soft and airy before responding to you. “yes, they're sitting on my desk right now. I bought them last week” his voice is soft and you feel tears prick at the corners of your eyes again but this time they're happy tears.

“I can’t believe it” you say, a smile now on your face and taehyung hasn’t stopped giggling, a smile on his face as well. at this point you’ve sat up off the ground, your phone inches from your face as taehyung asked to facetime you.

“believe it baby, next weekend you won’t have to facetime me when you want to see me. in fact, I was wondering if I could stay at your place? so I didn’t have to buy a hotel room?” he’s sheepish now, a rosy tint rising onto his cheeks and past to his ears and you can’t help but laugh at his question.

“of course you can silly. I wouldn’t want you to stay anywhere else. how long will you be down for?” you ask with bated breath, slightly worried and already upset that eventually he will be leaving you again to go back home.

“um, actually...” he starts and you feel your heart leap in your chest.

“actually...?”

“I was wondering if I could move in? with you?” he’s got the widest grin on his face but his cheeks are still red as ever and you nearly scream, leaping out of where you had been sat for the past couple of hours in the field with shock written all over your face.

“are you joking with me right now because so help me god kim taehyung I will-”

“I’m not! I’m not I promise, look” he gets up from his bed to retrieve the ticket, bringing it to you and showing you the details of it. it’s a single flight ticket, not a round trip and you start crying again, a smile on your face at the thought.

“why are you crying again?” he’s worried but you quickly soothe him.

“I’m happy, they’re happy tears baby. I can’t believe this” you’re laughing and crying and your heart is bursting with all the right emotions all because it’s really happening. after nearly a year long relationship, teahyung is really able to come see you. and it doesn’t even stop there- he’s coming to live with you. it’s all the two of you had ever dreamed of, all you’ve been talking about for months now and you almost can’t believe it’s really happening.

“I’m so happy. so you sold the apartment already?” you ask curious, beginning to walk back to your apartment.

“yep! well sort of. you know my friend jimin? he said he was looking for a place anyways so we kinda met in the middle and I gave it to him.” taehyung tells you and when you’ve finally arrived at your place you plop yourself on your bed, a smile plastered on your face.

“I really can’t believe it” you say again and taehyung smiles, nodding his head to agree with you.

“you’ll have to believe it, because I’ll finally get to hold you and give you kisses”

“I can’t wait for that. this weekend needs to come sooner” you sigh, getting yourself comfortable in bed as taehyung does the same.

“I love you y/n” taehyung yawns.

“I love you more taehyung” you whisper back and that’s how the two of you sleep. talking about when he finally comes to be with you and everything the two of you plan to do once he’s settled in. you really couldn’t be more thankful to have such a wonderful boyfriend. a boyfriend sent straight from heaven.

[carmineclock]

Play Me A Hurtin Tune

Trace 03/04/2019

Your name is Trace and sometime after the worst of the blizzard, on yet another cold day, you have the pleasure of being stuck working outdoors. Fortunately, your three layers of coat and scarves make it easy to hide the worst of your green skin. With just a little bit of makeup, you look normal enough to be able to traverse Crew territory without catching much attention. A risky job regardless, but you don't deserve anything else after your royal fuckup.

But you don't want to complain too loudly, because at least you're allowed to work in the field and don't have to rot in a cell. And this way, no one else has to risk their neck for this, because you're still the best for this kinda job.

It's still a tedious task. Trying to track down local joints and shady dealerships without contacts and without standing out too much, and from there try to pin down their supply lines, since you want to hit them where it hurts.

It's not the first day you're snooping around and you're finally starting to pick up some leads. One is especially promising - a nearby shop owner. Not the front for a speakeasy or arms dealer or anything himself, but he's supposed to get you into wherever you need. With any luck, he's the only contact you need to get this job done and over with and finally head home, so with hasty steps you head to the adress you were given.

NPC/Karako 03/04/2019

You are Karako Pierot. You're on the job today now that the blizzard isn't going to straight up murder you so you aren't wearing your paints. Too easy to pick out your blood color with it, though you dislike being without. The greater generic-ness to your appearance is good just in case. You're doing a pick up at one of the little stores, one you've not been to before yet.

To they eyes of most folks, you are some troll kid either doing errands or something. Your stunted growth and baby face serve you well in this job.

Seeing someone else making their way to the shop in the distance, you take a small turn to another place across the street from your destination in order to wait for him to go. Letting people see the exchange is a big ol' no no. Better to wait and be careful. You pretend to shop around while keeping an eye out on the other store front to see this random brother leave. You don't figure it'll be long.

March 5, 2019

Trace 03/05/2019

You slip into the store, finally free of the merciless cold. You shake yourself a little, then loosen your scarves and coat a little, trying to relax and act all casual, then have a look around the little hardware store. Not very busy, especially during this time of the day and this kind of weather.

"God damn cold", you curse more to yourself than the store owner. "Busted some pipes" you quickly improvise. Good enough reason to be here. Over to the pipes and appropriate tools you go. "Always the same shit every year. Not been this bad in a while tho, has it?" This is more directed at the store owner now as you draw closer.

NPC/Karako 03/05/2019

You are currently the owner of this little hardware store. You are a Dersite without a glamour and you glance over to the customer who's entered. Casually you nod to his question, "Yeah, pretty nasty winter this year. I except spring will do it's best to make us miss the cold anyway."

Meanwhile the smol clown is still watching the shop door from across the street.

March 6, 2019

Trace 03/06/2019

Still oblivious to the potential onlooker, you pick up some pipes and look them over, pretending to measure and compare them for size. You need a fitting one after all.

You crack a short laugh. "Yeah, probably. But 'least you can still walk outside. Not with a storm like that though." With a few pieces of tools and metal picked out that look like they could vaguely go together, you head up towards the counter.

"Hey, uh. Friend of mine told me you know where to some more special hardware.. Y'know?" A clumsy approach, but it would hopefully sell the awkward neighbour act. "Uh, just in case. Had some shady figures sneaking around lately."

NPC/Karako 03/06/2019

You, the owner of the shop, raise an eyebrow. If this guy was looking for a piece off the record he probably had something in mind for it. You start to ring up the pipes as you say, "Oh? Who's the friend? Some folks get confused." Plausible deniability was important but if this guy had a good name then you'll supply him per orders from the top.

March 8, 2019

Trace Last Friday at 9:44 AM

More improvising, here we go. You got more than enough practice with that, but it's always a gamble if you can sell the story properly.

"Neighbour of mine. A-something. Acqui--? Uh, sorry. Can never remember those old Derse style names. AK. If that's even his right name." You lean in a little. Can't have anyone snooping on you admitting crimes after all. "Been playing poker with him over a few drinks. Y'know. We got talking about this and that and he showed me his iron. Told me to ask around here. You know something, right?"

NPC/Karako Last Friday at 2:17 PM

Not the right name but someone must be blabbing for this guy to be here. You could keep playing dumb or you could possibly draw him further in and catch him for the bosses. After all, if someone is talkin' to the wrong people they'd better do something about it, right?

You've got your gun on you so this shouldn't be hard. "Right... I might know somethin depending on what you have in mind," you say casually.

The small clown across the street is starting to get a lil bit restless. shouldn't the guy be done in there by now? What's going on? Should he go get a closer look?

Trace Last Friday at 7:28 PM

You watch him closely, on the lookout for any reaction that would tip you off if he's buying it or having his doubts. Always need to be prepared for the worst, though you'd really like to avoid having to get rid of someone in the midst of Crew territory. "Uh, y'know. Something small and simple that gets the job done. Not an expert with these things."

NPC/Karako Last Friday at 7:50 PM

You arch an eyebrow but nod slightly. "I might have something," you say. Perhaps if you can get him in the back you can subdue him and hand him over to the bosses for questioning. You push yourself off the counter as you speak, "If you're interested in lookin' I can show you." You take the few steps that separate the counter and door to the back and hold it open for him.

You, Karako, are getting all kinds of itchy anxious about how long that guy's been in there. You've got at least five more locations to pick up and drop at for the day and you're going to run behind and disappoint Boss Boxcars who was nice enough to give you this job. You're also wanting to finish work fast so you can go check on your brother's hive just to make sure he still exists and stuff.

You leave the shop you've been loitering in and sneak over to the one you need to pick up from, hiding in an alleyway. You look for a side window or some spot where you can get a listen to what's going on. Finding one, you are disappointed to see it's to the back room and duck down out of view and try to think.

March 11, 2019

Trace Last Monday at 6:45 PM

You can't believe it worked so easily. Honestly, you don't believe it, and intuition rarely let you down. Still, you have a chance to get some information out of him, no matter how this goes. Just gotta be on your guard.

You keep up the act for now, giving him a dopey and satisfied grin, like an idiot that thinks he just hit the jackpot. "Sure do, whatchu got?" You follow him around the corner, one hand around the pipes you're claiming to purchase, the other digging in your hand for more backup if you need it.

NPC/Karako Last Monday at 7:17 PM

Trying to get the guy to turn his back to you, you open a large locked box then step back with a gesture for him to look. You've got a hammer within reach. You'd rather use that than your gun since the goal is to capture him and a gunshot could catch the attention of cops if word gets back to them.

You, the small clown, hear voices now and you listen very alert and curious as to what is going on here.

March 12, 2019

Trace Last Tuesday at 7:47 AM

"Is that where the treasure is?" You step up to the box, though you go for more of a sideways glance, making sure you don't fully offer your back to him. You're not a fool, you just play one. But you're still very much interested in what you can find in the box. Does he actually have some guns, or is it a trap?

NPC/Karako Last Tuesday at 1:28 PM

There are in fact some guns in the box. None of the big stuff of course, that's more securely hidden, but several hand guns can clearly be seen. You can't help but be frustrated that this idiot isn't turning his back to you. But he doesn't seem like the brightest of individuals, so you bank on taking him off guard and snatch up the hammer and attempt to whack him with the blunt side in the head.

Now you being Karako again, hear the word treasure and it makes you curious enough to risk peeping into the window again while still trying to remain unseen. You've noticed there's a door nearby probably from that room to out here so you gotta be careful no body comes after you.

Trace Last Tuesday at 9:16 PM

You want to reach into the box, but stop yourself short. Partially because it's putting yourself in a more risky and disadvantaged position, partially because he might not like it. "Ahh, may I.. touch them?" you ask. "That's a lotta babes. Where are you getting them?"

He's not giving you the reply you're hoping for thought. You catch the movement in the corner of your eye just in time to react. Melee has never been one of your core strengths, but you've been expecting it, so you easily manage to deflect his arm with the pipe in your hand.

You don't plan to give him a chance to recover and reconsider his attack. Instead, you hit him over the head with the very same pipe, then grab him by the collar and shove him against the nearest shelf.

"'s not a nice way to treat a customer, sir." Well, the jig is up for sure. At this point all you can do is try to get as much info out of him as you can, then decide whether he's a liability that knows too much. "Come on, I just wanted to know who got you the guns, alright? Doesn't have to be this hard and painful for either of us." You try your best to make this sound like a genuinely nice offer, but you can hardly hide the snarl in your voice.

NPC/Karako Yesterday at 12:03 AM

After the bash to your head with the pipe, you're dazed for a moment before you growl in return, "Nobody." You then attempt to get your gun from the back of your trousers. Ain't no way you're gonna squeal, or at least that's what you think. Everyone thinks they're tough till the pressure is on.

Once again Karako, you cover your mouth as you see the shop keeper attempt to attack the the guy you'd been waiting to leave then bite back a honk as that same guy bashes the shopkeep in the noggin. Thus far you watch this play out in silence. Ya this isn't good at all and you don't quite think yet to message someone about it.

Should you bust in there and help? Or would that be a mistake? Who is this guy. You squint and stare at him, trying to lock his face in your brain in case it's important.

Trace Yesterday at 8:27 PM

"Bullshit", you hiss. "I'm not-" you want to continue, but trail off when you notice him wiggling around. Not the kind of a guy struggling to escape, but the subtle ones of someone trying to reach for something.

You grunt annoyed and reach for your own pocket, then shove your knife against his throat, not caring if you draw a little blood. "You better stop that right there" you growl while trying to feel his gun to remove it.

NPC/Karako Yesterday at 8:52 PM

The knife scraping against your carapace and digging in a bit causes you to freeze. It's not hard for your assailant to find your gun. And as you feel him attempt to take your last weapon, you attempt to punch him in the jaw to knock him away from you.

Being the small clown, you pull out a knife of your own as you continue to debate over what to do.

Trace Yesterday at 10:03 PM

Oh, he just had to go for it, huh. He manages to hit you where he intended, but you instinctly drive the knife into his neck at the same time. "The fuck-" You pull away some snarl angrily, baring your teeth, then lean back in to drive the knife even deeper. He's already a dead man, at least you can make sure he won't make a noise to give you some more time to look for clues in peace.

NPC/Karako Yesterday at 10:36 PM

You are dead/dying and with a blade in your neck you crumble to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

Back to being yourself, Karako, you see the punch and from that the man's underbite and a hint of green skin. And then the shopkeep has a knife in his neck! You can't help but honk rather loudly at the green you see as it means this isn't just some guy but a genuine Felt guy who just did a murder.

Then realizing the sound you made, you duck out of the window's view coving your mouth in horror. Oh no. OH FUCK

Trace Yesterday at 10:53 PM

You whirl around when you hear the noise. Someone was there.. and you got a fraction of a second to decide what to do.

Chances are, if you leave now, no cop in the city would be able to incriminate you. But if the crew gets wind of someone sniffing around and attacking their dealers, that'll blow all your work out of the water.

While the dude gurgles through his last breath, you grab his gun and dart through the backdoor to try and catch the witness.

NPC/Karako Yesterday at 11:00 PM

As soon as you hear the sound of the door handle being turned you barrel down the alleyway, with a leap you grab onto the bottom of a fire escape ladder and try to climb to the roof before he can hurt you. If you can get to the roofs you can make a get away pretty easy you bet.

March 14, 2019

Trace Today at 9:39 AM

A troll. A small one. The horns are obvious enough, but you can't figure out much more than that from behind. If he gets away, that's that. Fortunately, trails make it easy enough to follow.

You give chase immediately. You don't even try to tell him to wait. Obvious enough that he wouldn't, so you save your breath for running.

What he might have up on you in speed, you can make up with longer legs, so you're at the ladder not too long after him and climb up.

NPC/Karako Today at 10:35 AM

You hear the clang of metal signalling that he's after you. Shit shit SHIT. You don't hesitate to continue scuttling your way up and climb over the edge of the roof.

Hiding isn't an option cause if you're found it's not just a beating you'll get, you're sure you'll be super motherfuckin dead. So you charge accross the rooftop with all your might and go for the leap to the building next door.

Trace Today at 7:46 PM

You reach the top of the roof shortly after - and see him charging towards the edge. Well uh. Huh. You're great at following people, but you're not out to tempt your fate with acrobatics like these. But you can't let him get away. Curse it.

Before you can second-guess yourself, you lift the gun you picked up and aim at him. Fortunately, the gun was actually loaded and ready. Unfortunately, the little guy is way too agile and even though you're not the worst shot, you miss all three bullets. Fuck.

NPC/Karako Today at 8:11 PM

It sure seems like he missed as you hear the sound of the gun go off three times. Little do you and he realize that his aim was not entirely off as you are so hyped on adrenaline(or the troll variant of that) and survival instinct that your brain has not yet been notified of the wound in your lower right side.

You leap to the next roof and keep going till the pain signals reach your think pan. It makes you trip and you  roll down the slope of the next roof and thankfully you fall into a large drift of snow. Still hurts like a motherfuck along with the gunshot wound. There are people on the street making noise after hearing the gunshots and you scramble out of the snowbank and clutching your side you stagger to a hiding place. Hopefully that guy can't follow you and find you.

You then remember the fact that your phone is a thing that exists and with purple stained fingers you make a call.

Trace Today at 11:01 PM

Well, fuck, that sure went badly. You follow him to the edge of the roof you're on, but no further. You think you can spot a bit of blood, so it seems like you've hit him after all. Which... might actually make your situation worse. Before, there was a chance that was just a random bystander scared forever into silence. But now he is injured and in need of help, so someone is probably going to hear about this, be it the police or the crew.

You also realize that... you just fired off a gun in crew territory. It's bound to attract some attention, so you can't afford to linger around here for much longer. Surely you could try following his trail, but that is getting riskier by the moment. Plus, you still need to dig up more information.

Begrudgingly, you make your way down and back to the hardware store to find what notes you can and leave a few minutes later. You also make a point to grab a few guns out of the box, only to toss them into the next best dumpster. Might be enough to make it all look merely like an arms deal gone wrong.

[thelastpilot]

Miss Me- One Shot

I was talking with @tides-miraculous who, while we were talking about criminal lack of Nino (and Adrien’s interaction with Nino), mentioned jokingly that Nino could straight up move to Morocco and no one would notice. And then I proceeded to send to a 4k word one shot about exactly that. So keep in mind this was all in a text long so it isnt fantastic and the grammar isn’t wonderful lol, but I wanted to post it anyways. (Tide’s commentary has been kept lol) ((also i know phones dont work on planes just let me have this))

Angsty Nino one shot below the cut

tides-miraculous

Boy could move to morocco tomorrow and you won't notice

thelastpilot

it would take adrien three days to notice he wasnt there

tides-miraculous

Adrien: *calls nino* " Hey, Nino you sick or something haven't seen u in a while

Nino: *hangs up*

thelastpilot

aw thats sad

aw that makes me really sad and i just had a whole idea for it

tides-miraculous

…listen

Why we gotta back the salt angsty

thelastpilot

bruh this is our thing, you say something sad and i make it worse

its always time for salt on the pain train

tides-miraculous

It's hella sad cuz man. Minus headcanons and crap we got nothing to back them up and be like "naah this shit ain't happening"

Cuz boi we know Nino cares. He got akumatized

For his frickin b-day but besides that nothing really on Adriens side

Not to mention all the hugs

Daamit Nino you're too good for him what is This?!!?

I'm so confused I'm trying to actually think or canon stuff to back them up and filtering fandom stuff and HOLY shit!??!

thelastpilot

He was thinking 3,000 miles. That was about his current guess. Nino awkwardly shifted the mishappen box in his arms to tap his phone awake from sleep mode, and looked for a moment at the photo of him and adrien on his lock screen. That was an old photo... Maybe 4,000 then. Nino tried to ignore it as he placed the last of his things in the car, taking off his hat and throwing it into the backseat. The car hadnt been started yet and his parents were still inside, and despite how crowded Paris was for the moment he was alone on the sidewalk. He tapped his phone again. He was bound to be halfway gone before anybody even realized

tides-miraculous

AAAA NO

NINO

U DEADASS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY

thelastpilot

He was 3,728 miles away before he got a text. He was nearly 4,000 before he got a call. and after that, the calls never stopped. Nino felt himself curling inward in the plane's seat as he screwed his eyes shut, furiously ignoring how his phone shook in his hands. Or maybe it was just him. He bitterly recalled the order to shut off his phone during flight and moved to unlock his phone, but even that was interrupted by another phone call.

He watched it vibrate for a while and let it go to voice mail. There were three there already

He was getting them from everyone now, Alya was sending the most texts, but Adrien was relentless with the phone calls. Out of everyone it was Adrien he felt the most betrayed by. Maybe he knew that...

tides-miraculous

AAAWWWW WHHAA

thelastpilot

Nino almost liked to picture Cat Noir showing up at the window of an empty apartment, he was just angry enough to take some kind of bitter feeling out of that. How he probably showed up to ask for a favor, wondering if he had been joking about leaving for good. His halfassed apology would have echoed back to him in the vacated rooms, the carpets dirty in the places where his family had walked for years and spotless in the spaces where his bed and desk used to be

Adrien called again

He didn't answer

tides-miraculous

FFFF

My heart I'm so sad

thelastpilot

"I can't talk. I'm on the plane" he found himself typing, interrupting the indication that Adrien was about to send another message. his finger hovered over the send icon, but he pressed it still. He wasn't sure what he was hoping for, what he could possible want, but his chest hurt and he could feel hot tracks of tears on his face. He was trying to be quiet, his parents asleep besides him, but his phone wouldn’t shut the hell up. It had always been silent before, it was only now that anybody seemed to care about reaching him

"The plane?" Adrien's text replied immediately. "You're serious? Nino please you have to be joking, I saw the place was empty but you just moved, you're joking"

"I've been joking for months now? Are you serious dude? You thought I was fucking lying?"

Nino wasn't sure what the point was in arguing but he wanted to argue. If he had the space he'd be screaming. "Nino," Adrien answered instantly, clearly waiting by his phone. "You're just gone? You're gone and you didn't call? you didn’t even say goodbye?"

tides-miraculous

I'm am currently in a quiet hallway at a cubicle absolute losing it

thelastpilot

That pain in his chest grew cold, and he shrunk even further in his solitary, cramped space 30,000 miles above the black ocean. and he typed out what he had been thinking the whole time. "I didn't think you'd even notice."

Adrien called again.

He didn't answer

tides-miraculous

Mother fuck

I am so sad

thelastpilot

He declined the call and typed out despite Adrien’s clearly frantic attempt to reply. "I've been packing for a week and a half. I was 3 hours into the PLANE RIDE before anyone even noticed. If you had even so much as spoken to me in the past two months maybe you would have fucking known about it. I tried to tell you and you were never fucking there. you dont get to do it now."

tides-miraculous

Oh shit go off nino

thelastpilot

Nothing. Adrien started to reply and then stopped. He started again but stopped again, and after awhile there was nothing. And nothing His phone went quiet, and it was familiar to him, but somehow felt even worse. The cabin of the plane was dim, and it was aisles and aisles of people facing forward into darkness with headphones in, numbly and distantly checked out from their surroundings as they waited and waited in perfect, straight lines. And he was alone in the crowded, dark space of strangers and cut off goodbyes and lost homes and silent phones. And he cried.

He clutched his phone and he cried

tides-miraculous

Lmao what the SHIT

Yea so Nino's heart died and I died

Thanks

thelastpilot

you're welcome im in pain also

tides-miraculous

Okay baby boy just go to Morocco fucking live it up. Idk fu slipped in his miraculous into his luggage and now his jade in morocco done

Come back for uni. Shits still bad between friends kinda but they bond as heroes

I'm trying to fix this

thelastpilot

i got a thing hold up

tides-miraculous

Please

thelastpilot

Agadir was a long way from home, and it felt really different in a lot of ways. Every way, honestly. It was by the ocean, which was new, and about over 50% of the people there didn’t speak a word of the only language he knew...so he found himself alone a lot. 'Nothing new there' he thought to himself bitterly. Moving in made it easier, he had something to do. He was out of school for the rest of the year and was probably going to start a year behind when enrollment happened again, so he had nowhere to go and no one to keep track of him. His father started his new job almost immediately, and his mother was wrapped up in adjusting. So when the few things he owned were set up and the last of the boxes were stored out of sight he would leave, and start to explore

About three months in he was running out of places to get lost, starting to recognize streets and having an easier time winding his way back to the dust colored box apartment that was 'home'. He would walk and someone might say something to him, but the words were rounded and he didn't understand them. He would then spout off the only Arabic he knew now. "I'm sorry, I don't understand" and he'd keep going

He was on the beach by himself, observing work day traffic on the raised streets when his phone rang

Nino sighed, shaking sand from his hands as he shifted his position to allow him to reach for his phone. He was working on figuring out where he was well enough to tell his mother when he looked at the screen, and his brow furrowed at the unfamiliar number

He sighed a second time, ready to rehearse his one line of arabic as he answered, saying plainly and without enthusiasm, "Hello?"

There was a sharp gasp, and then a harsh, familiar rush of desperate relief. "Oh god, you have the same number, yes PERFECT, thank god. Nino, holy crap I didn't think it would work"

Nino was frozen, the waves crashing a short distance away from him before he sputtered out, "ADRIEN?"

"Yes!!," his old best friends voice answered immediately, laughing uncomfortably, but still relieved. "It's me Nino. I- listen please don't hang up, I'm begging you give me just a second. Just thirty seconds of a call please."

There was silence, a thousand jagged emotions rooting Nino to the spot, but Adrien didn't wait for him, instead thinking aloud. "I can hear the waves. Are you near the water? Nino listen I-..." There was a silence, but in the need to not waste his half a minute he continued, the words rushed together. "You have every reason to hate me. I would hate me too. I DO hate me... but i can't do this. I can't just leave it knowing that I fucking did this. I made you think I don't care. I can't live with that. I need the chance to say it..."

"Adrien-…"

"No, I didnt come this far to have this talk over the phone, tell me where you are. I can be there in five minutes. Well, maybe a minute more I'm still near the airport-"

tides-miraculous

AAAWWWWW

thelastpilot

Nino heard something muffled, a female voice shouting something to him over the din of background noise mixing with his own ambience of the waves. There was another one as well, and then a garbled, distant message projected over speakers in arabic, and Nino felt his stomach drop out.

"Wait, you're fucking HERE?"

tides-miraculous

Yeas blond use that cash for good!!!!

thelastpilot

(Will continue in just a minute)

tides-miraculous

BRUH take your time

I'm still crying so everything's good

thelastpilot

"Where are you? the beach? there isn’t that much beach right how much area is that?" there was more distant talking, and adrien was clearly eager to move. "I cant take this phone with me. Give us just one chance, please nino wait for us we'll be right there." "US?!" he responded incredulously, but the line was already dead, the hang-up tone loud in his ear

he pulled it away from his face, staring at it in disbelief like perhaps it hadn't even happened. and just like that it was only him and the waves again, no other passerbys on his beach that morning

anyone who was on the beach might have seen something odd, streaks of color dashing past that weren't from around. a group of kids moving a little too desperately, dressed strangely as they fled to the coast. Nino wasn't sure what to do, getting increasingly nervous as he walked the shoreline, his hands balled up into fists in his pockets and his back to the north. minutes ticked by and his heartbeat was loud to him, and he felt that bitter, numb something crawling in his throat. all the harsh and hurt things he wanted to say

but as he passed beneath a weathered and abandoned dock he heard three impacts in the sand behind him, and those words died in his throat

he turned slowly... stalling by obsessing over the gradients in the sand. The pattern of broken wood, the stench of ocean draped around them and clinging to the dock. and three lost friends, letting magic fall from their shoulders and leaving them exposed in front of him

they all felt exposed, in the moment. at least, for once, the ground they stood on was even

despite all their intentions, and all of his pain, and all of the distance, no one said anything at first. They stood in the shadow of the dock and the kwamis milled nervously, shooting each other glances but not interfering.

the waves creeped up, and slipped away, and Nino watched them. after a while, he shook his head

tides-miraculous

THEY ALL CAME

DAMN GUYS

thelastpilot

"gangs all here..." he muttered quietly. After a moment he felt he had to add, "I admit... i didnt see this coming"

"We would have come sooner..." Marinette spoke quietly, her voice almost out of place in his head. It had been awhile since he had last spoken with her. "It was hard to orchestrate. But we were trying from the day you..." she hesitated

She was going to say 'left', but she stopped short, unsure of herself. Saying that he left didnt sound right, even though in literal terms it was the best way to describe it. but it made it sound like it had been his decision, that he left THEM. and that wasn't what happened

There was silence again and the three heroes seemed agonized, but unsure of themselves. They watched as well-worn anger passed across Nino's expression. "So what? What happens now, guys? Is this the part where you say you're sorry, and that’s all supposed to be good enough and then it’s just better? ..." his voice dropped, and he looked down into the sand. After a pause, "Coming all the way here is... not what I expected. but clearly nobody has any idea what to say."

The waves echoed in their small, dim space, and just looking at them standing there so unsure of themselves… it made him angry. His hands were balled into fists at his side and his body was tense. That horrible feeling chipped at his insides and it felt like it was suffocating him.

"Nino-" Adrien tried to speak next, his expression horribly pained, but Nino couldn't hear it. He spoke clearly enough by Nino realized in a flash of sharp pain that he was incapable of hearing it. He didn't want to see him dare to pretend. Like he was mocking him. "Shut up!" he cut him off, his voice hard and hitting adrien with enough force to push him back a step.

"I get it, okay!?" Nino spat at the three of them, trying and failing to keep his voice steady. "I understand. It fucking sucked but it always made sense to me. You're busy, you're all busy you have so much shit that you have to do, so much is expected and you have this whole other part of your lives that doesn’t involve me, but it involves each other doesn’t it? You have each other. That was enough for you, and I get it alright, I fucking always got it." He grit his teeth and he nailed Adrien to the spot just by looking at him... but his voice wavered. "It always made sense to me..."

tides-miraculous

On one hand I want them all to make up and hug it out but on the other... GO OFF NINO

thelastpilot

"You're important. You're important people with important shit and you got all caught up in everything else. In the fight, in the fucking powers in all the bullshit in EACH OTHER," he couldn’t help but add, throwing out a hand to gesture harshly between Marinette and Adrien. "You had other shit going on, you always did. You weren't bothered with me being there so I didn't bother you with leaving. I was surprised anybody even noticed."

He looked away from their expressions, his heart cracking just that much more. They looked... horrified, and he didnt want to see it. He didnt want to fucking make it easy for them. He was angry

tides-miraculous

NINOO

thelastpilot

"I was attatched to how it had been before, but looking back to some degree it was always like this and I get it. Once Alya joined in it was harder cause then I was the only one left behind all the time, but I got it. I'm not saying you should have stuck around. I'm not saying that you had to... i'm not even saying you owed me much of anything at all. But you owed me a goodbye..." His voice cracked and he folded slightly, fists uncurling so he could cross his arms, but it felt more like holding himself together. "Fucking listen to me... im sobbing about this shit again and I'm sick of it. But you fucking know what? out of all the people standing here I was not the fucking one who owed you all a goodbye. It wasn't me. You all left me behind and you did it way worse. You did it over MONTHS of just leaving me out and ignoring me and putting me off, if you were done with me you should have just said it...

The pause between his words was deafening. The dock creaked in the wind that picked up, the ocean churned as if it had been disturbed, and Nino, who was sick of crying over all the same things, cried. And he hated it. "I understand why you left me behind... but I don't want to hear you apologize for it. Because even if I'm stupid for it I still just wanted you guys to be alright. And if you are doing what you need to now then all the best... But if that picture didnt include me then you never should have pretended that it did. You made me feel like i was part of your 'team' but I fucking wasn’t and I GET IT, but im sick of pretending..." Nino raised a hand and rubbed harshly at the tears, angry that his hand was shaking. Angry that he kept crying like a child. Angry that this even still hurt

"I just wanted my fucking friends..." His voice shook again and he shrunk in on himself, standing on the coast line of a whole other country, out of place and lost and too far away from all of them, even when he was finally right there. "They told me we were leaving. they TOLD me they didnt ask and do you fucking know, how much I just wanted someone to tell. And I tried, for ALL OF YOU and there was no one there? cause there was never anyone there? I was losing EVERYTHING, I'm in this fucking place where I cant even speak to half the people here and i just want to go home and I cant and theres no POINT."

"I was freaking out and I just wanted my friends and you weren't there... so why the fuck did you bother? Whats the point of THIS!? Whats the fucking point of even coming when NO ONE HAS ANYTHING TO SAY"

there was a space there, so grand and torn that he couldnt see any way across it. and in a lot of ways he was looking for one. Nino wanted, in the deepest kind of honesty, just to go to his friends. He wanted to just pretend it was fine and be with them while they were there. He wanted someone to miss him, and he felt like no one did. He felt like no one ever did. He didn't want to look at their faces and play in to the fantasy in his head that they were sorry. He didnt want them to trick him into forgiving them. He didn't want to-

tides-miraculous

Yeas I read a line and think "wow my heart can't break anymore" then I read the next and I'm provide wrong

Just shit this is actually so heart breaking what the shit girl this is golden

tides-miraculous

"He wanted someone to miss him, and he felt no one did. He felt no one ever did" I AM SOBBING

thelastpilot

He felt them around him, Alya's face buried into his chest, Adrien reaching out, Marinette stumbling to be behind him. It was like something had broken further in that rift and people were falling, desperate to do anything. Part of him wanted to shake them off. But part of him held them too. He was too unstable to support their weight, all three of them speaking but the words not reaching him. As they noticed that he couldnt seem to hear they became more desperate, but Alya's words were unintelligible with tears and Adrien was too quiet, too far away. He felt like they were all sinking into the sand, and he murmured wretchedly. "I just wanted someone to miss me..."

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry," it sounded in a chorus, bursting through their sentences wherever it could fit and each sounding different in their voices. They spoke over each other and Nino looked at none of them, shaking with anger but not falling. They lowered into the sand and they supported him, kneeling together under a battered, ruined dock and begging for him to listen.

"You're right..." it was one of the first things that caught his attention.

Nino looked over, the girls falling silent and looking to Adrien. His head was hung low, sand coating his jeans as he sat there, defeated. Miserable. When Adrien looked up he met Nino's eyes, and Nino could see how far down it went. It was like there was a pit behind his eyes that sank lower and lower, and he said it again

"You're right... and i'm sorry... I dont know how to say it... I don't have the right words to explain it. We were wrong... I was wrong. But I can't do this. I can't stand it Nino, seeing this. You're in the wrong place, and you were scared and I wasn't there and I wasn't ever fucking THERE and I didn't notice that you felt like this. And it's my fault. But i can't let you say what you said nino i cant stand it. I can't stand you saying that you understand why we pulled away, because there is no WHY," adrien shouted, his voice cracking and faltering. "You talk like we were right to do it! Fucking leave you behind because of what?! We have no excuse! There IS no excuse. I left my /best friend/ to feel like we were better off without you and I CANT, I- I cant..."

"Nino... I don't know how to make you believe that I love you, because I gave you a hundred reasons to believe that I don't. But god Nino I miss you so much... I miss you so fucking much and I don't know what to do."

"... you were fine without me before-"

"I wasnt! That isn't what that was! You're right, we got caught up in all this other shit, I took for granted that you would always be there but I never pulled away because of- because of ANY of that shit you said, like we were better or too busy for you, too important. I never hesitated to believe that you would always be there for me and I forgot to make sure that you knew the same... I never imagined you leaving because I couldn't picture us without you... I know you don't believe me- fuck," he bowed his head, a sob wracking through his chest and shaking him. "I never tried to think about what you being gone would feel like because I never thought it would happen. But then I was standing in your room with everything torn off the walls and I lost it, and I lost you and you were thousands of miles away... I have no excuse, there is no excuse... but I've been desperate to get here because I couldn't let you think that I didn't care. that i didn't notice...

Marinettes quiet voice shook and wavered, Nino's eyes turning to her as she clung to him and cried. "We should have been there... we should have-..." she repeated herself quietly, desperatly, and Alya spoke into his chest, her words thrumming against him and her tears wet against his skin as it soaked through the shirt. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry DJ- I, we..." she sobbed hard,folding against him. She turned her cheek to him and said something that stood out on its own. The second thing that truly stood out. "I love you. WE love you. We love you, I love you I'm sorry I'm sorry"

Marinette whispered something and she wrapped her arms around his stomach, her face turned into his back. Adrien was bent forward over himself, but he was reaching out, one hand on Nino. Marinettes quiet, broken, wretched chant chipped at him, his anger and hate and injustice slipping through his fingers... like sand in the ocean. "We're here... we're here... we're here."

tides-miraculous

AWWWWW

thelastpilot

He was so far away, kneeling by the ocean with something too big and heavy to survive in his chest. He was displaced, pulled away from his home and tossed to the side and left alone in a city with foreign grating words, and cold, stretching oceans. He was left alone with the knowledge that no one would come for him, and that no one would notice. And heard the only thing, he had been waiting so long to hear. "We're here... we're here... we're here"

  ~~end of story~~

tides-miraculous

WOOT MY HEART IS IN SHAMBLES

Girl u deadass just spat out a one shot like it was nothing

AND IT HURT

ALOT

thelastpilot

... i kinda hate the mental image of nino kneeling in the sand of a foreign coast and above him it just says "i just wanted someone to miss me..."

tides-miraculous

STOP

[evenstevensranked]

#20: Season 2, Episode 14 - “Sadie Hawkins Day”

The Sadie Hawkins dance rolls around and Louis is expecting Tawny to ask him. He ends up blowing his chances with her by trying to seem desperately desirable to all the girls. He's left to go to the dance with Monique last minute.. and Tawny goes with some popular, shirtless dude Tad. Meanwhile, Ren’s stuck taking care of a pig. Seriously. So, let’s listen to some Relient K and get into the Top 20! 

This one opens with Ren getting everything settled for the upcoming Sadie Hawkins Dance. Of course she’s in charge of it. Who other than Vice Principal Ren Stevens? We see that a pig has been delivered to the school a day early, so Ren is now stuck taking care of it for the rest of the episode. Ren honestly deserves better plots. Like.. what the heck. Louis gets an entertaining, romance-y main plot -- and Ren gets... a pig. Christy Romano even said in an interview recently that working with this pig was a low point in her career, lol. Wow. 

A scene later, Tawny and Ren have a little conversation about the dance and Tawny mentions that she’s gonna ask Louis!! Yeeeee! She asks Ren if she’s gonna ask Bobby, but the melodrama strikes and Ren is all “That’s actually been over for a while...” EXCEPT!!! This episode initially aired the literal day before Sibling Rivalry, which is Ren and Bobby’s official break up episode. Seriously, Disney?! I will never understand why they jack up their airing schedules so bad. At least the order of my countdown inadvertently tackles these episodes sequentially! I’d also like to mention that Tawny says the idea of the girls asking the guys is cool, but states “I don’t do Hillbilly” with an air of disgust. I RELATE TO HER CHARACTER SO MUCH???

At lunch, 6 girls who have asked Twitty to the dance swarm him, anxiously awaiting his decision. This is one of those instances where you realize... Oh, right. Twitty is supposed to be cute and kinda popular even though he hangs out with the outcasts? Okay. Louis walks over with Tom and shouts to the girls “Hey, what’s up! I’m Louis!” The girls scatter and you hear one snicker “Yeah. No kidding! So what?!” HAHA. Louis is a little salty over the fact that not one girl has come “within 50 feet” of him, yet Twitty has 8 potential dates lined up. I think y’all know by now that if I were a student at LJH back in the day, I totally would’ve been that weird girl who asked Louis Stevens lol. Tom exclaims that the only other guy with as many offers as Twitty is Tad Taylor. Some popular dude we’ve never seen or heard of, who Disney clearly didn’t want to cut a check for because he never says a word. 

Twitty himself is shocked that the Sadie Hawkins thing has suddenly turned him into a “babe magnet.” Tom interjects “I’m like a lint magnet! I mean, how am I getting this stuff all over my trousers?!” *whips out a lint roller and gets to work.* Gee, I wonder why Tom hasn’t received any invites!! Tom doesn’t understand it either! “Why do all the really good looking guys with sparkling personalities get all the girls?!” he asks. Which is possibly one of the greatest lines in the entire series. Louis is left wondering the same thing! So, Twitty reassures him that no girls have asked him because they all assume that Tawny will. :)

Later that day, the guys are hanging around Louis’ locker when Tawny starts approaching. Twitty tells Louis “This is it! She was just makin’ you sweat a little!” and Tom says yet another gem: “Yeah, ya know. Girls are always doing that! ...................*cough* or, so I’ve read.” Tom seriously has SO MANY incredible lines in this episode. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through this review without quoting every single one. This is probably my personal favorite Tom performance ever. 

Louis royally messes everything up. Tawny was totally going to ask him, until he tried to be over-confident. “Yeah, I figured. You wouldn’t believe how many girls have been asking me out to that thing. Can’t keep their paws off me!” Since Tawny is the greatest ever, she’s immediately turned off and doesn’t ask him. Yaaaasss, gurl. 

Twitty: I said play it cool.

Tom: “Yeah, and you played the foooooool! ...Sorry. Ya know, I just like to bust the occasional rhyme.” -- I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW FANTASTIC TOM IS.

After school that day, the guys go to Louis’ house and spin a literal wheel of dates to help Twitty make a decision. We get yet another A+ Tom moment. “Big money, big money!” he shouts as it spins... and lands on DORIS!!! HIS FREAKIN’ MOTHER. The camera zooms in on her photo and it kills me. “Oh. *nervous laughter* Sorry. That... Must’ve fallen out of my wallet” is Tom’s excuse. I don’t even fully understand this comment or why the HELL Tom (or Twitty accidentally) would put her on the wheel to begin with, but it’s hilarious. Just because it’s one of my favorite moments, I have to gif it:

That zoom in is something straight out of The Office and Louis’ reaction is the best.

Just then, Donnie receives a phone call from a random girl who called to say he’s hot. Donnie tells Louis his appeal and ability to nab dates comes from giving off a “bad boy” vibe. Louis takes that information a little too far (as usual) and transforms into the most repulsive version of Louis Stevens ever: 

First of all: He’s burping here. Secondly: Yeah, Louis. Dressing like a total bum from Middle of Nowhere USA with a taped-on anchor tattoo and bag of cheese puffs is really gonna reel in the ladies.

Obviously, this attempt at being a “bad boy” did not work for Louis. It did, however, work for Tom. Who looks absolutely amazing!! haha.

“Hu hu hu, au contriare pierre!” he says as Gwendolyn, his date, appears. Are we sure this chick isn’t at least 30 years old? Is that part of the joke? No way in heck she’s in 7th grade. I always thought that was a little disturbing, lol. 

It’s weird because Louis is actually already a “bad boy” ...is he not? I mean, he’s not the stereotypical “bad boy” but it’s not like he’s a nerd. He’s always getting into trouble, always in detention, etc. I guess people like the idea and aesthetic of a bad boy instead of the real thing, ayyyy!

We get a montage of Ren trying to ask numerous guys to the dance but the pig keeps ruining everything for her. It eats one guy’s lunch, farts in front of another guy, and attacks some other dude. Which means that guy is really weak, or that pig is really strong: 

If this were a lame sitcom someone would shout “Aw, shucks! That darn pig!!” and the audience would erupt in laughter and applause.

Louis runs into Tawny in the hall and tries to apologize for acting stupid earlier by yelling "WHY DON’T YOU JUST ASK ME!!!!” assuming she hasn’t asked anyone else yet. Wow, Louis. Wow. But Tawny, being the badass that she is, tells Louis “There’s one little problem with your logic... I do have a date. Bye.” Yes. Just, yes.  Louis is left sulking on the floor when Monique approaches him. She’s trying to give him a bag of some pig food that Ren left in her locker, but Louis jumps to conclusions and is all “YESSS, I’LL GO TO THE DANCE WITH YOU!!” before she even says anything lol. Even though that wasn’t Monique’s plan, she agrees to go with him. So, in the end Louis basically asked a girl to the Sadie Hawkins Dance... that’s not how it works, Lou. 

That banner tho... “GALS GIT YOUR’N FELLERS for the SADIE HAWKINS DANCE!” 

CUT TO THE DANCE! Monique isn’t there yet. So, once Twitty and Tom arrive with their dates, Tom gives us his last great line of the episode: “I gotta say, we’re all a little worried about ya. Truth be told I had Doris on standby.” Louis is so insulted: “DORIS? YOUR MOM DORIS?! No, Tom. I’m NOT gonna go out with your mom!” -- The way Shia says this gets me every time. He informs them that he was “asked to the dance” by the head of the cheerleading squad -- Yeah, that’s a bit of a fib, Louis.. but I’ma let it slide. Louis thought he was going to the dance with a hot cheerleader.. but Monique shows up in full hillbilly mode.. complete with blacked-out teeth and everything. Meanwhile, Ren is stuck in the pig pen. She’s purposely dressed to kinda look like a young farm girl so this is one of the only times I’ve watched this show and thought “wow, Christy actually looks 14.″

Lawrence Jr. High is really dedicated to ~immersion~ I guess, because Principal Wexler gets up on stage and speaks in the most ridiculous southern accent. Like... I always wonder... How do people from the south feel about stuff like this? Wexler announces that the square dance caller for the night is STEVE STEVENS. Oh my freaking god. Steve is the best, hahaha. He pops up outta nowhere like “HOWDYYYYY” and a crowd of 30-something-year-old adult extras stare back at him, confused and unimpressed. 

Yeah, Gwendolyn probably is 30+ years old.. because apparently the majority of LJH students are grown adults. Either that or... Did these adults not get the memo that it’s a dance for middle schoolers? Why is no one concerned that adults are partying it up with 13 year olds? WHO LET THEM IN?! *shrugs* But, seriously. Disney couldn’t find some KIDS to attend the dance? Come on, now.

Monique invites Louis to square dance with her and Louis says "I'm not a square dancer, I'm more of a circular kinda guy." Idk I just kinda like that line. Tawny shows up with her date, the popular silent boy Tad Taylor. She and Louis spend their night trying to act like they’re having a great time without each other. Tawny is specifically trying to make Louis jealous and it’s pretty great. They give us these dramatic slow-mo shots of them dancing and glancing longingly at each other from across the room. I love it. There’s also a bit where Monique takes the call “Swing your partner round’n round!” a little too seriously and I can’t help but laugh: 

I will always be a sucker for a good obviously fake dummy gag. 

That crazy swing ends with yet ANOTHER Louis stunt double flying into (and destroying) the pig pen. I seriously never realized how many stunts happen on this show!! There has literally been a stunt every week of this countdown as of late! Anyway, the pig gets loose, runs to the principal’s office, and starts oinking into the intercom. That’s basically the end of the pig subplot. 

Louis is scarred from the twirling incident so he hides from Monique in a tiny, little pig house. For whatever reason, Monique looks for Louis in handfuls of hay! WHAT?! She literally holds some hay, looks at it and asks “Louuuuis???” I kid you not: 

WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY 

She eventually finds him, of course. Right around then Wexler announces that it’s hitchin’ time! While Monique excitedly asks Louis to go get hitched, Tawny looks on and decides to get hitched to Tad before them as a way to get back at Louis... and it works. He’s all depressed watching the two of them up on stage. Monique can clearly see he’d rather be with Tawny so she encourages him “Go get her, cowboy!” So Louis ruuuuuuns up there and interrupts the “wedding.” Which is something else that must be gif’d:

“If ya’ll wanna get hitched, say waaAHHH-HOOO!” I love how Margo is laughing as she shouts “waaaahhh” lol. That zoom in on her confused face as Louis runs up there is too good. 

Louis objects and claims “This whole wedding is a mockery!” To which Wexler says “Oooo! You’re a sharp tack, Stevens” as he points to a sign that says “Mock Weddin’s: 5 Cents.” That’s one of my favorite moments ever honestly.

Tawny pulls Louis off stage and out into the hallway where they end up having a really sweet talk where Louis admits to messing everything up. It’s so nice, complete with tinkering romantic piano in the background and everything, haha. I love their dynamic so much. So, yeah. They makeup and square dance the night away to royalty-free, generic bluegrass music. 

And that’s it!

I like this one a lot. Tom pretty much MAKES it, he’s so good here. I obviously adore the Louis/Tawny content as well. It’s just a fun and solid episode overall, imo. 

Question: Did your school ever have a Sadie Hawkins dance? I remember both Even Stevens and Lizzie McGuire (among other childhood shows, I’m sure...) had Sadie Hawkins episodes. So in Junior High, I remember waiting for my school to hold one but it never happened. For the longest time I was under the impression that Sadie Hawkins dances only existed on television. To this day, I still kinda believe that lol. 

Thanks for reading! Chime in via Disqus below please. :) 

Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | Redbubble

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 14/02/2020

This’ll either be a long episode, a very confusing one, or both. We have nine new arrivals, which might actually be our most ever, although it’s probably tied with one from last year unless we had something ridiculous like twelve new arrivals. Let’s just get this over with.

Top 10

First of all, celebrating its second week at #1, we have “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd stable since last week at the top spot. I love this song, so I’m definitely glad to see it here.

Speaking of songs I love, “The Box” by Roddy Ricch isn’t moving either at number-two.

In fact, much like most of our busy weeks, the top 10 doesn’t necessarily reflect that, as with some exceptions, there’s nothing of note to speak of here. “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi is stable at number-three.

The number-four spot has also stabilised; “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa is there, and doesn’t seem to have any competition.

Neither does “Godzilla” by Eminem featuring the late Juice WRLD, unfortunately, at number-five.

Up two spots to number-six for whatever reason is “Life is Good” by Drake, then Future – this might rebound even higher next week due to a DaBaby remix.

“Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is down a spot to number-seven, but it’ll be back in the top five once the BRITs have their impact. Delightful.

Our big story in the top 10 is the 13-space boost for “Roses” up to number-eight, meaning it’s Saint Jhn’s first ever top 10 single in the UK, and, yeah, sure, we’ll give Imanbek credit for that too, since his unauthorised house remix really blew it up all over Europe. Hence, I’m pretty sure this is the first Kazakh lead artist on a UK Top 10 single, and that’s pretty epic.

Billie Eilish’s “everything i wanted” is down two spots to number-nine.

And finally, to round off our top 10, is the non-mover, “Adore You” by Harry Styles.

Climbers

To my surprise, we do actually have a few notable climbers, and a lot more than I expected at that. First, there’s “You should be sad” by Halsey up five spaces to #12, making a pretty unexpected play for the top 10. There’s also “Lonely” by Joel Corry up 14 spaces to #16 off of the debut, and “Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez inexplicably moving up six spots to #21. Maybe in the wake of a Justin Bieber album, there’s some stan revenge streaming? It’s a stretch but that’s honestly my only explanation other than it making another, more organic chart run. I do have a reason for Jonas Brothers and the nine-spot boost for “What a Man Gotta Do”: the second video as well as the One Show performance, which is still something millions of people watch here in the UK. “Better Off Without You” by Becky Hill and Shift K3y is up 12 to #24 off of the debut and finally, “Say So” by Doja Cat is up 10 spots to #25 also off of the debut (Not complaining about that one).

Fallers

There were some pretty massive fallers this week but also not actually that many that were notable, and definitely ones that demonstrate a transition period between Winter 2019/2020 and Spring 2020, but these are also mostly hip-hop and rap, hence can be explained by streaming cuts, an arbitrary UK chart rule that affects nearly exclusively one genre for the most part. That’s not the case for all of them though; “Wake Up Call” by KSI featuring Trippie Redd is down 17 spaces to #28 because it’s a song by a YouTuber, and hence usually a bit crap. The rule did affect, however, “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas, down 24 spaces to #33, and “Memories” by Maroon 5, an exception to the rule seemingly, down 23 spots to #39.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

There were a hell of a lot of dropouts and actually two returning entries, for once. All of these dropouts don’t seem like they’re going to gain much traction after this week, and if they do, it’ll probably be some kind of fluke or special event that gets them back up there. I can see about three or four of these returning to the dregs of the top 40, but otherwise this seems to be the end of the line for most of these. “Bruises” by Lewis Capaldi is out from #15, “Pump it Up” by DJ Endor is out from #23, “Lose Control” by MEDUZA, Goodboys and Becky Hill is out from #25, “This is Real” by Jax Jones featuring Ella Henderson is out from #26, “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean ends its second run out from #29, “Gangsta” by Darkoo and One Acen is out from #32, “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey with Headie One is out from #34, “Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey is out for what must be the fourth time from #37, “Those Kinda Nights” by Eminem featuring Ed Sheeran is thankfully out from #38, “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy is temporarily out from #39 but the BRITs will probably pick this one up and boost its numbers, and finally, “Big Conspiracy” by J Hus featuring iceé tgm is out from #40. The other two J Hus songs are somehow still in the top 40.

The two returning entries are, firstly, “Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi returning at #30, seemingly in a trade with “Bruises”, because, I guess two Capaldi songs in the top 10 isn’t enough. The second is “Pee Pee” by M Huncho at #40, and I just love how stupid that song is. It’s actually a pretty fun and arguably good song, but I also have so many questions about it, like why the album it’s from is called Huncholini the 1st. I’m glad to see it back here though. Anyway, before we get to the new arrivals, here are some songs below the top 40 that I could see getting here in a couple weeks, if that. Not all of them are good, not all of them are bad. We have “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #72, “No Judgement” at Niall Horan at #70, “Yikes” by Nicki Minaj at #69, “No Shame” by 5 Seconds of Summer at #68, “What if I Told You that I Love You” by Ali Gatie at #63, “Charades” by Headie One and Fred Again at #57, “Stop this Flame” by Celeste at #56, “Staqdo” by MoStack at #54, “Mya Mills” by Lil Pino at #50, “Run” by Joji at #46, “High Fashion” by Roddy Ricch and Mustard at #45, and finally, “Ourself” by NSG at #43. Now, for our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#38 – “Ballin’” – Mustard and Roddy Ricch

Produced by Mustard, Justus West and Gylttrip

Okay, so this is a song I’ve been predicting would breach the top 40 for ages, mostly because it’s already been a massive hit in 2019 for the US, and hence is on my list of the best hit songs of 2019, which will probably be the last of one of those lists that I actually do. It’s #14, so it’s not that high, but I feel like I should talk more in-depth there since the list’ll be out as soon as possible, probably this month. It’s Mustard’s first UK Top 40 hit as a lead artist (Congratulations) and Roddy Ricch’s second – I love this song, we’ll talk about it more another day, that’s all.

#37 – “Suicidal” – YNW Melly

Produced by Z3n

Okay, so let me explain: Yes, YNW Melly, real name Jamell Demons (Fitting name by the way), is still in prison facing murder charges. This is the third album he’s released behind bars, obviously the others were released while he was incarcerated for less serious offenses, but it’s not exactly a new concept and hey, the label aren’t milking his death, at least, although they are milking the murder of two other people, so I guess that point’s out the window. It’s not impossible to make an album from prison but they’re probably just taking snippets of his SoundCloud stuff or unreleased demos and re-releasing it as new content. This is his second UK Top 40 hit after “Murder on My Mind” – if you go by just his song titles, this man is guilty as all hell – and well, it was never going to be any good, was it? The dull piano-lead trap beat isn’t emotive at all, and with the disruptive producer tags and clipping bass, as well as the generic emo guitar, it just feels emotionless, which is awful for a song called “Suicidal”, and YNW Melly is actually giving it all trying to replicate a typical emo-pop song with his voice that I actually love hearing most of the time, especially when it’s drowned in Auto-Tune like this; the vocal track here, despite oddly mixed, would sound great in isolation. Sadly, this beat is so boring, and he goes off topic so many times, with his structure-less flow and monotonous rambling about how he’s got his bag now and everyone’s wishing bad on him now (Probably because he’s facing murder charges)... yeah, this just does nothing for me, and it’s clearly an immature attempt at making a deep, powerful break-up song, even with some of the most pathetic inflections I’ve heard from the man in that “I’m drinkin’ Hennessey” bridge, as well as his heartbreak ending up being as deep as “I swear to God, I swear to God, you stupid bitch”. Yeah, no, this is not great at all, and way too long, by the way.

#36 – “Birthday” – Anne-Marie

Produced by Oak

So, if you forgot who Anne-Marie was, first of all I don’t blame you because so did I, but second of all, she’s a pop songstress who often hops on dancehall or house beats with a voice and delivery that treads the line between indie-girl mumble mouth and a fake Caribbean accent. This is the lead single from her second album, that actually debuted dangerously low—seriously, this is looking like it’s prepared for a sophomore slump ala Camila Cabello’s Romance late last year, although admittedly Anne-Marie’s chart presence, whilst seemingly omnipresent in 2018 and early 2019, has dwindled considerably. This is her tenth UK Top 40 hit, and well, I don’t exactly know what to expect but I’m guessing some fluffy, vaguely tropical dance-pop tune, but it could be a ballad for all I know. It doesn’t look like I’m too far off, but this one is particularly obnoxious, with a dated, beeping synth tone acting as the main melody, an aggravatingly static hi-hat pattern, a messy and out-of-place drum beat that sounds straight out of a shit Flume rip-off, some of Anne-Marie’s most obnoxious Auto-Tuned vocal inflections (And some of her most Kehlani-like, may I add), and vocal mixing that is questionably lower than the drums in the pre-chorus, even though they’re clearly not backing vocals. The chorus is hilariously trite, saying, “Goddamn, it’s my birthday”, and that people should give her money because it’s her birthday. Basically, it’s about a spoiled teenager on her 16th birthday being all rebellious and edgy to spite their parents but without any actual emotion or passion, and instead some pathetic vocal runs and disgusting, cluttered instrumentation... actually, that would describe a teenage birthday party pretty well. The little chuckle at the end in place of an outro is also really cringe worthy. What an awful song – it’s been a while since we’ve had a hit here that seems fundamentally broken, but this gets pretty close.

#34 – “Know Your Worth” – Khalid and Disclosure

Produced by Disclosure

R&B singer Khalid and EDM group Disclosure, two acts I happen to be very fond of whenever they appear on this show, have collaborated for the second time since 2019’s “Talk”, a song which I love but won’t be making an appearance on my best list for that year for one simple reason that’ll seem obvious once you read that list. This collaboration doesn’t seem to be for an album, though, and is instead an advert for Levi’s jeans. Nice. It’s Khalid’s thirteenth and Disclosure’s sixth (ironically excluding “Talk” as they weren’t properly credited as lead artist) UK Top 40 hit, and it sure is a Disclosure song, with their more modern EDM touches they’ve been picking up recently in productions like the aforementioned “Talk” and Mac Miller’s “Blue World”, but with some really sweet steel pans, the same stilted groove they’re known for, a quirky collection of beeping synths and a familiar yelling vocal sample that I can’t find the original source for anywhere. Khalid rides on the instrumental pretty nicely and smoothly but this really isn’t anything special, with the lyrics mostly being some kind of general motivation or self-empowerment, mostly directed towards a girl whose significant other doesn’t exactly treat her like she is worth, apparently to Khalid. I think Shawn Mendes is rubbing off on you, mate.

#32 – “London” – M24 featuring Tion Wayne

Produced by ETS

Hey, Tion Wayne! I like this dude a lot, and I was thinking about him a couple days ago, thinking that he’d had his time up on the charts, but he seems to be back with M24, another British rapper, for this new single. Tion Wayne is one of the main reasons “Options” by NSG is one of my most-listened songs of last year, and has since delivered excellent verses on “Bally” with the equally charismatic Swarmz and tried to lighten up the amazingly dull “Keisha & Becky” by Russ splash, who has since changed his name because of course he has. It’s safe to say he’s one of my favourite of the recent crop of London rappers, simply because of how fun his cadences can be. I was surprised when I saw him on a sharp black-and-white cover art with a song about London, which I assumed would be about the struggles of gang violence and poverty that Tion Wayne has since risen above, but instead, for his fourth UK Top 40 hit and M24’s first ever, we have a chorus that goes, “That gyal wan’ shock, one eye on her arse like, “Holy f***”, look at the arch, you know I buss, back up the arse like uh-uh”. That’s actually about what I expected from Tion Wayne to be honest. Looking back on all those songs that I mentioned, especially “Bally”, it has interesting, eccentric, exciting and energetic cadences, as well as some upbeat production that is sourly missing from people like Aitch and DigDat. That’s why while I was slightly disappointed by the more minimalist, dull, colourless drill production, which honestly actually kind of bangs, I was welcomed by Tion Wayne’s hilarious hook, especially the “UH UH” ad-lib, and his injections of humour into the verses, which M24 tries as well. Both M24’s more aggressive stuttering delivery and Tion Wayne’s more carefree flow work for this beat (which is unfitting for a song that’s supposed to be about attractive women by the way; this is in no way sexy), with Tion Wayne’s first verse seemingly carrying the theme of “beef”, and he likes a fight in prison because it’s “beef in a cell”... “like Beyoncé”? Huh? He kind of gets away with it though, as the next line is even funnier; his gun is like his roll-on deodorant because it doesn’t leave shells. He shouts out his designer-brand boxers then says that he will fight a man for his phone charger. You get why I like this dude, right? He’s kind of absurd. M24 and Tion Wayne trade bars on the second verse, with M24 even lightening up to say that his sex is so good that his groupies try to invite their mother. Lovely. They also share some clever worldplay about “ye” (drugs) and Kanye, both comparing themselves to Kim Kardashian in the process. All this is without overstaying its welcome, by the way, it’s less than three minutes. Wayne then, for a final few bars, adopts the “A$AP Forever” flow to shout out basically every woman in England, as well as saying this:

I f*** your girl from the back / I put my block on the map

These two events (hopefully) have no relation to each other, like at all. Never change, Tion Wayne.

#31 – “Destined for Greatness” – Tobi & Manny featuring Janelle

Produced by Krunchie and Zdot

I knew this was going to be a tricky one once I realised that I know more about the producers than I do about any of the three primary vocalists here. Krunchie and Zdot are responsible for much of Bugzy Malone’s discography, especially the older stuff. Anyway, this is the first UK Top 40 hit for Tobi & Manny, a duo much like Young T & Bugsey or Krept and Konan made of two members or affiliates of the Sidemen, namely: Tobi and Manny, two brothers that joined KSI’s group of YouTubers, rappers, entertainers, FIFA players, what have you. They teamed up with their sister Janelle, who actually contributes very little to the song, no more than a short intro and backing vocals, for a kid-friendly motivational anthem – on a dark, menacing beat. Of course. Yeah, this is pathetic. Both Tobi and Manny have no interesting bars, and whilst it is mostly a story-telling song, there isn’t any passion in their voices about their come-up, so why should I care? Janelle doesn’t exist, and if she does, she’s annoying, joining in on the bland hook for a somewhat colourful addition to the shitty non-entities of Tobi and Manny, both of whom are just phoning it in, but I feel like this is them trying to be their best, to be honest. This is just corny, and aggravatingly so, with a boring beat to boot. I have no idea how this debuted this high, when it is this painfully amateur. “We’re controlling the game like Nintendo Wii”? Give me a break. Oh, and I listened to Tobi’s only other official single as part of the Sidemen on “The Gift”, and somehow he had the best verse.

#29 – “React” – The Pussycat Dolls

Produced by Will Simms, Johan Gustafson and Ivares

The Pussycat Dolls were a girl group formed in the 2000s, who were reasonably  big worldwide and massive here in the UK. They weren’t made by a British talent show, but they were similarly generic and basically just the sexier alternative to the more teeny-bopper groups, and hence I guess were made more for boys than they were for girls, in that respect, but even for today, despite being produced and directed by men for men and presented consistently in an awfully objectifying manner, they have kept that “girl power” schtick. You may know them for “Don’t Cha”, “Buttons”, “Beep”, “I Hate This Part”, whatever, they’re all garbage. After the group split only lead singer Nicole Sherzinger retained relevance and officially made the only good song tangentially related to the Dolls, with her (originally uncredited) feature on “Club Can’t Handle Me” by Flo Rida and David Guetta. I mean, it’s a low bar that you’d think they’d be able to ascend, but I can’t think of a single song from the Dolls that is better. Anyway, they’re all in their 40s now, and they’ve reunited for their eleventh UK Top 40 hit (and their first since 2010’s “Hush Hush, Hush Hush” peaked at #17), with massive comeback, television debut, high-budget music video and... a chart debut at #29. Yikes. Well, the Dolls were always dancers rather than singers, so people won’t purchase the single in the streaming era where you can choose what to listen to and you’re not having songs pushed down your throat by radio stations incessant label promotion (Well, at least not most of the time, Drake). I think the only reason the song is even in the top 40 at all is that the UK Singles Chart decided three years ago that YouTube streams counted for the chart. Listen, the song is manufactured plastic dance-pop that’s worth no-one’s time, with even the most distinct voice in the band, Scherzinger, sounding like a vocaloid. The chorus is a massive rip-off of the melody from the verses of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “I Really Like You”, by the way. Once I heard that, I couldn’t get it out of my head. Jepsen’s song is actually good, by the way.

#27 – “Power Over Me” – Dermot Kennedy

Produced by Koz

Remember “Outnumbered”? That was a pretty decent folk-trap hit, right? Well, Dermot Kennedy is back for his second UK Top 40 single, which was actually released far before his breakout hit but is getting the push now, “Power Over Me”, originally released in 2018. Now, it’s basically the same concept: Irish dude croons and belts over a guitar-lead pop song... but this isn’t a ballad, and instead has a real kick to it, figuratively and literally, but very little groove. The song isn’t bad at all, and I love the concept of a song of not him having the power in this relationship, but him finding himself subservient to this girl, who he paints as some kind of deity figure, and it’s convincing. God, I love how the drums sound in this song. The humming in the pre-chorus is just so sonically pleasing as well. The belting in the bridge and the mesh of guitar, on the other hand, isn’t really, but damn, the strings in the final chorus are genuinely gorgeous, and it’s catchy as hell, so for a good folk-rock love song, yeah, I can vouch for this one. There’s a MEDUZA house remix to this that hilariously misses the point of this song but sounds crazy good doing it, and might be a bit better than the original, if just for the blend of 80s post-disco and 16-bit chiptune bass in the drop. Either way, this is a good song, and reminds me kind of 2000s alt-rock, as did “Outnumbered”, to be honest. Maybe I should check out that debut self-titled album.

#14 – “Intentions” – Justin Bieber featuring Quavo

Produced by Poo Bear and the Audibles

This is the most 2016-sounding song that was released after 2017, and that’s just off the title alone. You guys want to add Chance the Rapper while you’re at it? God, what an anti-climactic end to our new arrivals. Justin Bieber and Quavo. I cannot imagine a blander, less interesting duo than Justin Bieber and Quavo. I think I’ve lived approximately five Quavo verses ever, the dude is so non-descript compared to the rest of the Migos, especially Offset, who, to be honest, I’ve become quite a fan of in recent months. It’s Bieber’s 46th UK Top 40 hit or something to that effect, and Quavo’s seventh but who cares, honestly? Who is listening to Bieber out of passion for his music or voice or whatever? Only his biggest, most loyal fans. The general public who casually listen to Bieber are listening more out of morbid curiosity than anything else, and for someone who seemed like the biggest star in the world at some point, that’s just depressing. Yeah, I have nothing else to say, and I’ll continue to ignore actually reviewing this dude’s songs, even once the album bomb comes next week, if it even does. I think the “(feat. Lil Dicky)” song might be even more dreadfully embarrassing than the “(feat. Quavo)”, actually.

Conclusion

All things considered, this was a below-average week but I had a lot of fun reviewing these songs, so at least most of them were interestingly bad or had intriguing stories behind them. Even if I didn’t review it, the Best of the Week is still going to “Ballin’” by Mustard and Roddy Ricch, with Honourable Mention probably being a toss-up between “London” by M24 featuring Tion Wayne, and “Power Over Me” by Dermot Kennedy. The Worst of the Week is undoubtedly “Birthday” by Anne-Marie, with “Destined for Greatness” by whoever that was by picking up the Dishonourable Mention. This could be one of two or three big weeks on the horizon, so watch out for that and follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for my real-time reactions to said weeks, and more pop music ramblings. Thank you for reading!

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020

[jess-oh]

Reflection

[song of today]

oOPS, ive been getting kinda lazy again. but before i forgot or fell asleep... i wanted to type this post to just catch up on everything thats been going on.

i just watched part of the thailand team’s vlog and it made me really miss guatemala. i keep saying that theres 1 moment that i will never forget. and while that’s still true, i remembered another time. i remembered on our last day at our first village and everyone was in a giant circle and we were getting ready to leave. but in an attempt to start heading over, a bunch of the kids latched onto me and i pretended to be losing strength as i inched forward, bit by bit. but more and more kids continued to latch on until they were actually too heavy for me to carry and i fell over. but i remember. i remember lying down on the floor in the middle of the circle and being filled with so much joy. i laughed in pure bliss along with the kids. and i didnt care that we were in the middle and i could feel my team judging me for just suddenly breaking the circle. but i didnt care. i was so happy to just be there in that moment with the kids. i just remember hoping that claire was taking a video or at least a photo of us bc it was a moment that i never wanted to forget. and i can feel my memory slipping away but man, that kind of joy...it doesn’t come everyday. i miss that feeling. of just laughing my head off without a care in the world, just so incredibly glad and blessed to be with those kids. having that childlike spirit. what a powerful moment that i hope to never forget.

and the second, just to resolidify the memory, was when our team danced and sang english vbs songs in the pouring rain. we didnt care that it started raining. in fact, we werent even phased. we had a job and we were going to do it. and man, even though the kids and the adults didn’t understand and looked at us with confusing as we sang in english, i will never forget how empowered i felt. as we sang “strength and shield,” and i turned to my team from the front and yelled, “READY? 1. 2. 3!” And then turning back to the front and jumping and yelling, “I’M JUMP JUMP JUMPING FOR JOY! I’M SHOUT SHOUT SHOUTING MY THANK YOU. I’M SING SING SINGING MY LOVE. TO GIVE YOU ALL MY PRAISE TO YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU. GOD IT’S ALL FOR YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU. I GIVE MY PRAISE TO YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU. GOD IT’S ALL FOR YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU.” The body movements. The songs. The singing. Everything. Just being there alongside my team. So fueled and pumped up. I loved every bit of it. And I hope that I never ever forget it. I loved doing all those VBS songs. English and Spanish. And while I’m sad that I can’t remember everything, I would happily learn again. There’s something so empowering about just dancing and singing those songs. 

i remember how awful i felt post mission and how i felt so useless bc i couldn’t adapt to the new situation at hand. and even though it was a mission trip, i still thought so much about how my team saw me and that filled me with so much anxiety and self hatred. i felt so useless on the trip bc i didnt know how to catch up. i couldnt catch up. i was too much of a control freak to account for that situation. and i regret it. i wasnt useless. i drew and colored so many posters. i led the body worship. and even though i was flawed and our lies skit wasnt as as strong as it couldve been, i still served. i did my job and i went through with it and thats what mattered. i impacted their lives. i remember when we had to break off into groups and while at first i thought i was bringing a group of 20 people to my area, 50+ people ended up coming. my group was way larger than anyone else’s but i didnt complain. i adapted to the new situation and i still carried out my duty. i accepted the help from our chisec homies and even though i took longer than everyone else, i still did it. i made sure everyone had the beads and the bracelet. i did it. i felt so shitty bc i didnt plan the crafts well enough. i kept relying and pushing judy when i didnt plan for my own part myself. but i did it. we did it. it happened and everything worked out in the end. on our night of debrief, i wanted to do daily QT&reflection as well as sleep before midnight and while i did try, i kinda gave up. but i have kept up with the reflections at least! but i remember my team saying i should do something that has to do with my family since our relationship was shit. but i refused. and idk if that was the right choice or not but i honestly believe that the time we spent away and apart from each other, helped way more than any kind of talking would have. we’re open now. before? i think we would’ve all been too stubborn to understand. 

Now onto the events of the past few days. Honestly, I don’t really remember what I last posted so I’ll just go by memory and make it brief. The other night. Two days ago? I hung out with Andrew and although it was awkward, I was able to introduce the topic of religion without it being too weird and for that, I am grateful. I’m also happy that God’s been allowing us to spend more time together. Just one on one. He is still Andrew but he does act differently around David. Also, I’m 98% I already wrote about this so let’s move on.

Yesterday, I met up with the PAL Presidents and Hazel. I was pretty salty toward PAL at first bc I waited 20min for them at in-n-out, only for them to ask me to come to El Mo, somewhere I was previously right next to since I went to Chase earlier that day. Begrudgingly I went but I’m glad that I decided to give them a chance. It was nice to catch up briefly with Daniel since we were both in UBMS and hear about their plans for the coming year and share my knowledge and experience as well. They’re on the right track. And while they’ll most definitely have issues with the class, I believe in them.

Afterwards, I met up with Hazel and in-n-out and regrettably ordered way too much food. I didn’t get a drink and yet, I was still dying. I got a double double, animal style fries, and a strawberry shake. But I’m still happy I did it. It was great. She’s pretty nervous about the coming year since she’s the new EIC along with someone else for yearbook and while I cannot confidently say that she’ll succeed, I do believe in her effort. I think she does have a lot of potential and have grown so much since I first met her her sophomore year. And I’m really glad and proud of how far she’s come since then. I do think it kind of sucks that the editors forced the position onto her but I think she’ll try really hard and I’m even proud of her for that. I did vent a bit about how terribly my senior year in yearbook and revealed to Hazel everything that happened behind the scenes. But I’m happy I got it off my chest. But at the same time, I know I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m over gossiping. This was just a step back. I did start looking for files for her but since most everything was on my school email and that was shut down... there was only so much that i could do. I’m still looking for some things that could help her. Admittedly, I have been a bit lazy in my research but I really don’t have a lot of stuff left. I am going to try and drop off my old yearbook binder and notebook and see if that’ll help at all but... who knows. It looks like trash to me but maybe she can find some sort of inspiration from it. 

sidenote: i was so full and lazy from my food that i convinced my sister to pick me. honestly, i shouldnt been more attentive to my phone when i originally asked her to get me but im thankful nonetheless that she actually came back out just to get me. but wtf in-n-out. howd it take you 12min to make lightly cooked fries???

but onto today, 

IIiiii, ran some errands and then met up with Rena today and while we did have a pretty great conversation and were able to keep it up for hours and hours.... we did talk about other people a lot. And I kind of hated that. We never meant to. It just started from her not knowing that so many people were sophomores. But. I kind of hated it. It felt like 2 steps back for me. And I knew it too. I kept trying to ween off that conversation but somehow, we always found ourselves back on it. Talking about other people. Not necessarily in a bad light and they werent people we knew nothing about but still. I think once we started talking about the people we knew in a relationship, it really became gossip but I didn’t know how to drop it. But man, I am filled with such regret. I wish I didn’t do that. I wish I just called ourselves out on it. But I am happy that I got to spend that time with Rena. I just hope she doesn’t see me as the gossip girl now though. I doubt it but... still.

It is something that I still need to work on and be more aware of.