#honestly the only good thing that i got from religious education

[balkanradfem]

My own experience with religious upbringing is slightly different than the options on your poll so while I voted the one that applies best I still think I kinda want to explain because it's an important topic:

So, I come from an officially secular but still mostly Catholic country (Italy lol) and my extended family is kinda-ish religious but my parents are one non-praticant (she just really enjoys celebrating Christmas, and mostly because of the social gatherings, the gifts and the decorations) and one a self-declared apostate (raised to be a good Catholic boy, turned Atheist... still witholding some deeply Catholic views), and both heavily criticize the Church. When I was little I was asked if I wanted a religious education, I said no, I never had any religious education.

HOWEVER, my peers were all at the equivalent of Sunday school, THUS I grew up in a socially conservative and bigot environment, and while I didn't really pay too much attention to it as a child and adolescent, naively thinking that they would grow out of it, and even being ok with helping the local church with some things (it was the only way to socialize with kids my age without drugs AND the main priest back then was really a great guy and he liked me without trying to change me, something no other adult seemed to do)... in retrospective it was Quite A Big Deal in most of my social interactions and, as an adult, I noticed just how much many people cannot warp their heads around my absolute atheism.

So, yeah. Outside of my parents and a few friends, I lived in a very religious place. And that creates pressure whether we want it or not.

Thats an interesting situation, thank you for sharing! And I agree with you, it creates pressure regardless of whether we participate or not, it's all around us and normalized, we can get excluded from our peers and socially isolated and alienated for not participating, it's a big deal for a child!

It's so cool you could decide to not get religious education though, I love that you chose not to be exposed to misogynistic bullshit and got that granted to you!

[morlock-holmes]

A pointless, overly long, barely edited review of White Fragility

Well that book sucked.

The end I guess.

OK honestly the process of reading White Fragility was incredibly draining, I started out annoyed, then became amused and fascinated by Robin DiAngelo’s peculiar definition of “Individualism”, then got annoyed and angry again, then just… drained. It’s an exhausting book.

As I try to put my feelings out there I’m having trouble linking them together coherently but this book is just so exhausting that the idea of editing this and doing several passes is just draining to think about. So here are some scattered thoughts:

Before anything else, it’s just not well written or edited

White Fragility is very repetitive, ambling, and just kind of… not very well arranged in general. It’s clear that the book desperately needed a proper editor, or maybe it didn’t, since it became incredibly successful despite everything wrong with it. Here’s an example I’ve already mentioned. 

Towards the end of the first part of the book, DiAngelo puts together a list of a “common set of racial patterns” that are “the foundation of white fragility” and one of the bullets on that list reads,

“Wanting to jump over the hard, personal work and get to ‘solutions’”

Not once, anywhere in the preceding 111 pages or the succeeding 128 is the idea expanded on in any way whatsoever.

And it’s a truly baffling statement if you don’t expand on it. Why are solutions somehow opposed to “hard, personal work”? Is hard, personal work not part of a solution to some problem? If not why are we doing it?

The whole book has a similarly sloppy vibe; there’s very little factual information inside and what ideas there are are explained very badly.

A Christian apology for non-Christians

The more I read of White Fragility the more it seemed to me to have in common with badly written Christian apologia.

First off, modern, right-wing American Christian religious material often contains a sort of confusion that anybody could respond badly to the Gospels. After all, the good news of Jesus’ sacrifice and resurrection is both obviously factually true AND self-evidently good news, but somehow when you go out and preach the gospels, non-believers will often act with derision or anger.

And there is a certain kind of Christian who will respond to that anger, not by considering that there might be factual or moral objections to the gospel, but by essentially asking, “What kind of bizarre psychological condition would cause somebody to get angry about something that is obviously true and obviously good?”

This is an ongoing thread in DiAngelo’s writing, starting with the introduction,

“In the early days of my work as what was then termed a diversity trainer, I was taken aback by how angry and defensive so many white people became at the suggestion that they were connected to racism in any way…

“I couldn’t understand their resentment or disinterest in learning more about such a complex social dynamic as racism. These reactions were especially perplexing when there were few or no people of color in their workplace, and they had the opportunity to learn from my cofacilitators(sic) of color. I assumed that in these circumstances, an educational workshop on racism would be appreciated. After all, didn’t the lack of diversity indicate a problem or at least suggest some perspectives were missing?”

Well gosh, why wouldn’t these people be excited to hear about all the things they’ve been doing wrong? Truly a mystery.

Secondly, most of the arguments DiAngelo makes are made very sloppily, and are only really convincing if you have already been well-convinced. To demonstrate this I would essentially have to just quote the whole book to you, but for an example see the bit above about wanting to jump over hard personal work. You and I have spent too much time in the fever swamp, we can guess what she means from cultural context, but she never explains it.

Third, as others have pointed out white supremacy in this book takes on the qualities of sin in Christian theology. All of us white people, simply by virtue of growing up in a white supremacist society, are racist. This isn’t really proven so much as assumed. 

You might assume that in Christian circles the fact that everybody is a sinner might level out hierarchies. After all, the Pastor is as much a sinner as you are.

But in many cases there is this kind of passive-aggressive jiujitsu. Oh, sure, the pastor sinned, but why should we criticize him when all men are sinners? Aren’t you failing to practice the virtue of forgiveness? 

Oh, what’s that, you did something bad? Well that’s a different story. It sounds like you haven’t been really giving yourself over to God. Maybe we haven’t been doing enough to help stop you from sinning. You should talk to the pastor and really think about where you’ve been going wrong, and of course we would just be enabling you if we didn’t call you out publicly, it’s an opportunity for growth on your part, and of course if you disagree with how we think you should atone, that's just further evidence of your sinfulness.

Anyway, speaking of passive-aggression:

The Passive-Aggressive style in Woke Politics

Robin DiAngelo comes off as one of the most passive-aggressive people I have ever read. And also, ironically, one of the most clueless people I have ever seen when it comes to the most basic aspects of ordinary human psychology.

Here, have some examples:

“I am typically received well when speaking in general terms–for example, ‘Your requirement that applicants have an advanced degree rather than equivalent experience is automatically disqualifying some of the applicants that could bring the perspectives and experiences you say you are looking for.’ Yet when I point out a concrete moment in the room in which someone’s racism is manifesting itself, white fragility erupts.”

Oh, what, seriously? When you say, “We all need to try harder to improve at this” people agree, but when you go, “Especially you Greg” Greg somehow becomes defensive? Crazy!

“For example, in a conversation about racism, when white people say that they work in a diverse environment or that they have people of color in their family, they are giving me their evidence that they are not racist. If this is their evidence, how are they defining racism?”

I mean… Literally the same way you do? DiAngelo talks extensively about how white people don’t understand racism because we often have very few interracial friendships or relationships. Like a lot. Like it’s one of the major themes of the book and, in her mind, one of the major sources of white fragility.

I mean, imagine you are talking to someone, and you go, “See, here’s the thing that people who have never been to Cleveland don’t understand” they might respond with “Oh, actually I was born in Cleveland and spent the first twenty years of my life there” and their reasons for doing so are so incredibly obvious and natural that it’s kind of hard to even articulate them. Like… yeah of course if you tell a room that they don’t understand racism because of their shallow relationships with people of color, fucking of course the people who have deep relationships with people of color are going to bring it up!

“White people are receptive to my presentation as long as it remains abstract. The moment I name some racially problematic dynamic or action happening in the room in the moment–for example, ‘Sharon, may I give you some feedback? While I understand it wasn’t intentional, your response to Jason’s story invalidates his experience as a black man’--white fragility erupts. Sharon defensively explains that she was misunderstood and then angrily withdraws, while others run in to defend her by re-explaining ‘what she really meant.’”

Sharon, let me stop you right there. Can I just take a moment to completely ignore the substance of what you just said, while pointing out that you are objectively annoying to the people around you?

“When another police shooting of an unarmed black man occurred, my workplace called for an informal lunch gathering of people who wanted to connect and find support. Just before the gathering, a woman of color pulled me aside and told me she wanted to attend but she was ‘in no mood for white women’s tears today’ I assured her that I would handle it. As the meeting started, I told my fellow white participants that if they felt moved to tears, they should please leave the room. I would go with them for support, but I asked that they not cry in the mixed group. After the discussion, I spent the next hour explaining to a very outraged white woman why she was asked not to cry in the presence of people of color.”

Hi, thanks for coming to our meeting where we coworkers can support each other and connect. Before we start, I just want to tell Donna, Tammy, Jim and Bob that your coworkers don’t really want to support you too much, so if you need support please go somewhere else and get it from people other than your coworkers.

Look, I get it, that black lady finds the idea of comforting some distraught white woman in the aftermath of a black man being shot absurd. Maybe don’t handle that in the most ham-handed way imaginable though?

I want you to reimagine some of these scenarios as though they were addressing a less politically fraught issue than racism. In order to do that, we need something with the following qualities:

It is often unintentional;

The people who do it are often unaware that they are doing it;

It is genuinely difficult for others to live with and should probably be corrected because of that;

There is a social stigma to it so people feel embarrassed when called out for it.

I think having really bad body odor is the perfect analogue. But can you fucking imagine some of these if that’s what we were talking about?

Imagine somebody saying, “When I say that proper hygiene is important as a way to respect your fellow employees, I get broad agreement, but when I publicly point out that a particular person has bad BO and many of their coworkers have complained, instead of being grateful for the feedback, they often get angry or defensive”

That person would be a monster!

The dirty secret of Robin DiAngelo and her ilk is that as much as they talk about “systemic racism” they really think of racism primarily as an interpersonal problem.

Here’s another quote, “The dominant paradigm of racism as discrete, individual, intentional, and malicious acts makes it unlikely that whites will acknowledge any of our actions as racism.”

I mean… All the examples I just cited above involve DiAngelo calling out discrete, individual, intentional acts. I guess sometimes the discrete, individual, intentional acts are non-malicious.

That’s the kind of central hypocrisy and profoundly passive-aggressive style of this kind of discourse. You call out a specific person for a specific act in a very public way, and then, if they get defensive, you can talk about how sad it is that when you told them that the specific thing that they personally did was bad, they didn’t realize you were just talking about systemic racism and it’s awfully silly that they are getting so defensive when all you are talking about is systemic problems, not individual faults.

DiAngelo often talks about how whites need to be less sensitive because we are not in any danger, but, like, most of the concrete problems she addresses aren’t dangerous to black people either.

Which brings me to the last section,

What is the goddamned point of all this?

DiAngelo constantly talks about the absence of cross-racial relationships between blacks and whites, but never really addresses the question of why the hell a black person would want to be friends with a white person. Honestly it sounds like it sucks; we’re all racist. Frankly I don’t see what we bring to the table other than an endless parade of microaggressions and neuroses that could just be avoided altogether by sticking to making friends with your fellow minorities.

A couple of people responding to my blog have called the book racist against whites but that’s not quite right, there’s also this bizarre sort of… Apologizing for how much better off we are then everybody else. It’s taken as basically a given that black people all wish they had the position that we do, but we just don’t let them and they’ll never get it unless we shape up and learn to give it to them.

There’s a tremendous amount of guilt but it’s combined with a massive self-absorption. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that for DiAngelo, the entire world revolves around whites and our conception of ourselves. And I mean that literally:

“...[W]hite supremacy is circulated globally. This powerful ideology promotes the idea of whiteness as the ideal of humanity well beyond the West…

“In his book The Racial Contract, Charles W. Mills argues that the racial contract is a tacit and sometimes explicit agreement among members of the peoples of Europe to assert, promote, and maintain the ideal of white supremacy in relation to all other people of the world. This agreement is an intentional and integral characteristic of the social contract, underwriting all other social contracts.”

Like… All of them? Like relations between China and the Democratic Republic of Congo are underwritten by the belief in white supremacy? White supremacy is in fact integral to the politcal relationship between those two countries?

One of the things I wondered when reading the book was why on earth DiAngelo gets paid so much money to consult. In her telling there are two forces, a white supremacist overclass dedicated to ignoring and minimizing evidence of systemic racism and a minority underclass which is nearly helpless in the face of white supremacy. Which of these groups is paying her five figure speaking fees?

Anyway to continue that quote, 

“Mills describes white supremacy as ‘the unnamed politcal system that has made the world what is is today.’”

I mean… I feel like it has a name. It’s named white supremacy. Robin DiAngelo wrote a best-selling book about it that people only bought because they already agree about it existing and being really, really important.

Hey, so, how does Tammy from HR crying about the police shooting a black teenager maintain a global white hegemony that undergirds literally all other social forces?

One thing, at least, that made me glad that I finished the book was seeing DiAngelo state overtly something that I feel has been implicit on much American thinking about race lately:

“When white people ask me what to do about racism and white fragility, the first thing I ask is, ‘What has enabled you to be a full, educated, professional adult and not know what to do about racism?’...”

Uh… You’re asking me how I graduated college without knowing how to upend a massive collusion between every nation in Europe that undergirds all of global politics and economics?

I mean I didn’t actually graduate, maybe “Overturning the entire global paradigm 101” was one of the classes I didn’t get around to.

“If we take that question seriously and map out all the ways we have come to not know what to do, we will have our guide before us. For example, if my answer is that I was not educated about racism, I know that I will have to get educated. If my answer is that I do not know people of color, I will need to build relationships. If it is because there are no people of color in my environment, I will need to get out of my comfort zone and change my environment, addressing racism is not without effort…”

Hey, yeah, but what about the part where I make minimum wage and probably can’t even overthrow Luxemburg, let alone all of Europe?

“Next, I say, ‘Do whatever it takes for you to internalize the above assumptions’ I believe that if we white people were truly coming from these assumptions, not only would our interpersonal relationships change, but so would our institutions. Our institutions would change because we would see to it that they would.”

This is exactly what I have been saying seems to be the dominant belief in America today. If we just teach Sharon from accounting to stop talking over her black co-workers, if Sharon internalizes exactly the right ideas about white supremacy from exactly the right corporate consultants, eventually, once we get our heads straight, there will be a kind of spontaneous eruption of will which will end racism forever.

From talking to more right-wing acquaintances I have come to the belief that many of them essentially agree with that premise. That racism sort of emerges as a kind of spontaneous emanation of wrong-think, and once we have used social pressure and the threat of being fired to get everybody to say the correct things about racism, racism will vanish.

And so the debate in America is no longer about policy; we don’t believe in a racial policy. The debate is about how we ought to talk about racism, with the parties disagreeing on what kind of talk will ultimately cause racism to disappear.

Do we solve police shootings by hiring a diversity consultant to tell the employees of our tech firm about white fragility, or should we hire a different consultant to teach them about color-blindness and treating people as equals?

[gnckholin]

okay I need to preface this with yes I like having representation and anyone who's been around my blog long enough should know that renarin is my specialest little guy him and him and rlain are very cute and if y'all really need it this is coming from the perspective of a queer man if you turn this into a pissing on the poor type deal I will simply block you but. now that I've had time to stew on it.

the rlainarin arc was a bit boring.

part of this is I think rooted in Brandon trying to be a Good Ally™ doing Good Representation™ and he worked a lot with sensitivity readers to make sure things are handled well but it just felt a bit... tokenizing? like they were in the spiritual realm as a bit of plot convenience but also it kinda felt like an excuse to keep them relevant enough to give them pov chapters. and it's cute! don't get me wrong! but also every other characters get emotional arcs about growing as a person and they got...trying to ask your crush out? it felt very out of place.

now you might be saying hold on! they're not primarily pov characters you can't expect as much nuance emotionally as someone like kaladin. and you're right! but let's look at the other supporting cast members here. jasnah gets the struggle of power and her entire attempt to keep thaylenah which results in a meaningful paradigm shift for her! navani gets to work on her connection with the sibling and uncover the past. we don't even really see much of relationship between renarin and glys much less rlain and tumi. sure they may have been good representation! but they were mediocre arcs. even in the discussions I'm seeing lately of favorite parts, it's not that people have disliked it it's just...nothing to write home about?

it also feels particularly weird to have an arc around "my family will think it's weird" when it's been pretty well established that alethi in general are like. fine with queerness. and sure you can say "well they're nobles" but at this point renarin is in line for 0 titles. dalinar was only going to give king of urithiru to someone who wanted it, jasnah planned on being the last queen of alethkar, there's literally no point? it feels a little love Simon. and yes absolutely in modern western culture people can feel weird about coming out to people who would be accepting and that's fine! but that's also rooted in real world homophobia which alethkar doesn't seem to have.

even when we compare with the other canonically queer stormlight character, it just kinda. . .falls flat. part of this is that shallan wasn't intended to be queer but honestly it feels like it reads well. she doesn't have to turn to camera and say she's different she's bisexual she can just be a person. she can fall in love with adolin she can get flustered around jasnah veil can call women hot and it's like. fine. and it feels more authentic to the setting! a lot of the rlainarin arc in WAT felt like it was meant to be educational. for cishet people. and like that's fine! but it doesn't make for an engaging character arc. I can't even say it really makes for good reading.

and look, I get it, we all like seeing them get flustered and worry about what the other one thinks and we all get to be excited when they confess their feelings and kiss but it just feels so tonally dissonant that like. I can't believe this was intended to fit into the main plot. it feels a bit patronizing - like look we have good healthy representation now! I'm doing so good at this! and genuinely from the bottom of my heart it's thrilling that the largest name in fantasy is willing to do this even more so considering the religious background he's writing from I'm not writing all this to say Brandon is a bad guy or secretly a homophobe I'm just saying. I wish we had more, y'know? something less feel good for the cishets for being good allies something with more of a real plot that engages with the themes of the series and whatnot. I'm looking forward to arc 2 (in like 10-15 years)! I'm looking forward to more rlain and renarin and their dynamic! I just hope it feels less. educational.

anyway a lot of this was directly inspired by verilybitchie's video on good representation it really helped me out my finger on why their arc felt a bit flat so please go check it out she's a great creator.

[thestarryshepherd]

Hello, I am Starry you might know me from my TikTok StarryEyedShepherd. The reason I started my TikTok is because I have always had an interest in religion and when I dwelled in HelPol I got really invested in the history of it. Ancestor worship is one of the center points of Hellenic Polytheism and although they aren’t my blood ancestry, they are my religious ancestors, so for me it was basic respect to try and reconstruct to the best of my ability ancient Greek religious principles and just generally religion to the best of my personal abilities. I have been wanting to be a professor of classics for a bit and since I read academic texts and try to do my research to the best of my abilities I thought I could share some of my knowledge based on that. I had an incredibly optimistic outlook on TikTok in the beginning and was overly sweet with people who I really shouldn’t have been with. However I started to understand sadly that TikTok was no place of education and barely anybody was interested in hearing about the religion and instead preferred to see people make up fun stories of how their supposed spouse god had been planning a romantic time together. The only evidence we have of godspousal or anything similar was purely ritualistic and not to be taken as literal marriage. Note that it was also done (as far as all historical sources we have available to us) in Athens by the queen of Athens at the festival of Anthesteria. This was a very special woman as well as most of the rituals done in association with the cult of Dionysos were not usually to do with “the usual way of doing things”. From my perspective it’s disrespectful to claim to have slept with a god and to have romanced them. “But what about the myths?” Well Hesiod tells us that the gods have pulled away from humanity and we are living in the age after the age of heroes called the “Iron Age”. He describes this as an age where the gods will have forsaken humanity. This makes sense when put into the context that this happens right after the brutal events of The Iliad where the gods realize that their involvement with humanity is doing more wrong than good. “So does this mean that they aren’t with us anymore?” They are with us just not to the same extent. People claiming to be able to speak clearly the word of gods are charlatans. We know this again through Hesiod’s description and through the fact that even the Oracle at Delphi who was our main connection to the gods was only able to speak in jumbled words and not in correct coherent sentences. There had to be a man next to her to translate her sayings to put them into semi-coherent sentences. This is also why Tarot is so general and not hyper specific, at least IF you believe in divination through such means as some HelPols don’t and I can understand why. I made my opinions regarding these very clear on my TikTok. In the defence of the people who went on to attack me for such opinions I will say that I was not too kind with people who thought in such ways. I was going through an incredibly horrible time irl and well this can make people much more prone to saying things in all the wrong ways. I called someone who had godspoused Hera “delusional”. In my defence I did not name names and whenever I made videos I have continued not to. It is not my purpose to humiliate someone on the internet however to question to what extent they have basic understandings of this religion especially when to me such things seem incredibly disrespectful. However, I see now that even trying to have a conversation with such people or bringing attention to them only feeds their victim complex and the fact that ultimately they do not wish to learn about the religion. A group of people who are TikTok godspouses especially didn’t take kindly to my statements and have kept making videos, and sly remarks about me in their comments sections. Helpol tiktok is so incredibly toxic and ahistorical I’m honestly not sure if Tumblr is better in this regard I have heard it is but honestly my hopes aren’t very high. Please prove me wrong.

[w1ngedsoul]

hi can you do headcanons on dating elijah mikaelson tvd x fem reader

This man is so polite.

Holding doors, helping you sit down, constantly asking you if you're alright or if you want to leave a party/random event.

He always makes you text him so that he knows you got home safe when he can't walk you home.

Flowers, jewellery, teddy bears. This man is amazing at gift giving, he quite literally knows you inside and out.

If you're curvy, then he'll love to hold onto your hips while kissing your neck.

If you're religious, he'll want to be as educated as possible. For example, if you're Jewish, he'll support you fully when you tell him you don't celebrate Christmas.

He'd practically internally scream watching you wear the clothes he buys you.

He wouldn't be able to keep he hands off of you.

"You look irresistible, darling. But, I'm afraid you would look far more stunning with that dress on the floor."

He knows exactly what to say in every conversation.

He has such a way with words that can either have you on your knees or crying on his shoulder.

He face was absolutely priceless when he told you he wanted to introduce you to his favourite classical pieces and you already knew all of them, in fact, you had a playlist full of classical.

Every Sunday morning from 11am-2pm, you'll sit in your living room with books in your hands, taking it in turns to read to each other.

Date night is something that Elijah takes very seriously. He'll take you to the finest, romantic restaurants and be an absolute gentlemen throughout the whole night.

And at the end of the night, when you've arrived home and you just placed the keys into the trinket, you'll hear a sharp whisper next to your ear.

"Undress."

Something he loves doing, is taking you to the theatre and watching a pantomime. He knows you used to watch them throughout your childhood but stopped as you grew older, he felt as if you should stay connected to those calming memories.

He's honestly the most loving boyfriend you've ever had, he'll remember all of the little things such as what your favourite song is to the perfume you wear only on special occasions.

He also remembers every detail about you, I mean that literally. Everything you've ever told him about yourself is ingrained in his brain, from the mean boy in primary school to graduating university.

He doesn't know why or how, but he's a lover for candlelit baths. Whenever he's stressed about a sibling or something came up at work, you'll run him a hot bath with candles surrounding the bathroom. Usually you'll put on sensual music in the background, but for most of the time he enjoys the silence.

Speaking of work, he actually has a job. Even though he's a vampire and doesn't necessarily need one, he wants to be as connected to a human life as possible. His siblings shamed him for it, claiming it was 'pathetic' of him and he should 'own his species'.

You supported him fully and he was forever grateful, he got a job in business which he's managed to keep for a good five years and so far, everything's gone well for him. He's the manager at his company and trains new employees daily, you've honestly never been prouder.

But, there are times where you let his mind slip when he's at work...

"You sent me pictures of you posing in lingerie in front of our mirror, while I was in a meeting."

"Did you like them? I made sure to wear your favourite colour."

You two don't keep anything from each other, you're always honest with one another which is what makes your relationship so strong.

"Hey J? Do you want to hear more about my aunt's aff-"

"Tell me."

J was a nickname you picked up randomly when you first met, it stuck ever since.

Once, when you two were talking about hobbies, you mentioned your grandmother taught you how to knit and crochet.

From that day forward, Elijah bought a ton of crochet tools and pulled up YouTube tutorials every evening practicing.

Then when your anniversary rolled around, he presented you with a bouquet of perfectly crocheted flowers.

"Do you like them, darling?"

Something that Elijah tries to keep hidden: he gets jealous so easily.

If there's someone staring at you with the wrong look in their eyes, Elijah will make sure they won't have eyes to look out of by the end of the hour.

Or if someone asks for your number, he'll make sure to introduce himself, and maybe introduce them to his newest spiked bat...

He's not really one for torturing people, but when it's necessary like when you're in danger he'll go through hell and back to make sure you're untouched.

He'd kill for you, even his siblings if it came to it.

He would quite literally die for you, he even told you this when you were gazing at the stars.

"You know, even though you have made this life wondrous in so many ways, I'd let the world take me just so you'd be safe."

[chouhatsumimi]

FYI for followers interested in J-E translation

(This post is most relevant the weekend of April 6, 2024)

If you're near Toronto or can get there for a weekend, consider registering for the IJET conference, organized by the Japan Association of Translators. The early bird discount ends in 24 hours, though registration is still open until May 17.

I first went when I had tried my hand at translating a few things, but had very little experience and by no means would have called myself a pro. I wasn't sure if I'd be welcome there, but everyone was very friendly, and I met a lot of people who I'm still in touch with and showed me that translation is a real career path. There is also a student price for a discount, so even if you're on the fence about whether translation is for you, I'd recommend coming to check it out.

Honestly it may even be best suited to new translators, because you learn about a lot of things you may have never heard before, like patent translation, ATA certification, agencies vs. direct clients, general translation vs. specializing in a field, how to manage a business, etc. etc. etc. Personally I'm most excited for the session on entertainment translation by Katrina Leonoudakis, the keynote speaker by a rakugo-ka (I've been following the manga Akane-banashi pretty religiously) and a few sessions on interpreting, which I always really wish I was better at.

SECONDLY and just as time-sensitive,

The same org (Japan Association of Translators) runs a... maybe month long? seminar on translation every year, where you translate text(s) and compare them to translations by fellow learners in the seminar, and get feedback from more experienced translators. I think you get out of it as much as you put in. I participated way back in 2017 and didn't really know what I was doing, but @kanpeki-bekki just participated last year, and can probably tell you more about it.

The most important part is that the application period is only open for like a week or less every year in April, so if you want to sign up, do it NOW, or keep an eye open in future years!

You do have to pay and register as a JAT member, but honestly that was probably the most beneficial part of it for me, since being a member also means being in the JAT directory, which is how I got recruited for my current job in translation. Other benefits are access to a job board, forums to interact with other translators, videos of past educational sessions, and cheaper registration for other JAT events. JAT also has special interest groups, so if you're interested in Pharma, Legal, Patents, Literature, or Entertainment, it's a good way to meet people interested and working in the same fields.

[radfemsiren]

I am from France and we've been living in quite an odd time regarding Islam. Muslims are an oppressed minority, our police forces are prejudiced against them, but I feel scared about the rise of Islam in my country as a woman.

I am tired of people slandering our laws about religious free areas that represent the state. Separation from religion is a good thing and leftists have forgotten it here, and foreign news twist it to make it seem like we only ban Muslim attires everywhere when it's any religious signs only in places that represent the state (like public schools and public hospitals).

Leftists in general have become... honestly more American in their discourse. "If it's an oppressed minority then they can do no wrong" kind of thinking. But the thing is I can very much see that muslim men come from places that are incredibly more misogynistic than here, and that they've been raised to consider this their religion, to never question it and to use it to their advantage. Like, muslim people are present enough for me to form an opinion like that, I have spent my childhood with at least half of them as the people I saw, and it is really bad and going unquestioned. This whole thing would get me killed in leftist spaces, the most common defenses are "but catholic men and atheist men are bad too!" except that catholics have been shrinking as a group here and atheist men are awful but don't have misogyny as a religious dogma they can spread.

Overall I'm worried. Some people say we're gonna be majority muslim next century and I worry about how this will affect women and the laws that get passed. Leftists approve of anything muslims do because they're oppressed here, and this includes turning any criticism of religion into some choice feminism bullshit. They constantly say women want and choose to be exploited that way and it is gut wrenching to hear. I'm worried about the increasing population of muslim men who are taught to see me as an object so vividly and I'm worried about my rights being threatened by them. I'm worried about my safety as I've had multiple bad encounters with those misogynistic men irl and on online French spheres. Those spheres are now filled with those same men who simply justify sexism by saying they're muslim and its in their culture, or muslim women who talk about marrying as soon as they turn 18 or even arranged marriages gleefully.

Hm I’m Arab-American so I’m not super educated on issues happening in Europe considering Muslim immigration. I’ll have to research more into it to form a well informed opinion on the situation.

What I can tell you is there are many Muslim and ex-Muslim women who are critical of male supremacy in our cultures and religion, and I recommend reading about and interacting with irl, radical feminists from our cultures to help your fears. Finding allies and understanding there are many like-minded women that share your goals makes the heart at peace. I love Nawal Elsaadawi, she is the Simone de Beauvoir of Arabia and close to my heart because she is Egyptian like me lol. The fall of the Imam is good if you want written work expressedly against Islam.

I think cultural relativism is dangerous and all women must be protected. We shouldn’t shy away from calling out misogyny everywhere it rears its ugly head. As long as we are educated and well informed with our criticism, I see no issue with calling out patriarchal oppression from other cultures. I got an ask calling out why I don’t also speak about misogyny against black women, and I thought about it. I think many of us, including myself, try to stick to our own community and what we are familiar with in our feminism, and we should move away from that. Let’s all educate ourselves on the different forms of patriarchy around the world and work hard to end it in all the forms it comes in!

[angelmartinez2022]

story one

 ok.. so i never really use this blog for much. So I've decided to start using it to get some of the crap echoing in my skull out. Maybe if I write about these feelings, confront them and drag them out into the light of day

they will go away. My family is basically nuts. Long story short. 

My father was a very good man but I think he was too caught up in enabling my mom's bad behavior. My mom was what I now realize a very selfish person, concerned with only my sister and my sister's children. Many times to the exclusions of my own needs. I have a lot of other stories.. but ahh right now I wanna get the story of this lil fella outta my head.

That's right folks.. A bloody green ranger toy. HOW may you ask, does a green ranger toy play into the chasms of my mind ? Really simple. This lil guy is a reproduction of the original. See the lil hasbro dealy down in the corner?

But many years ago back in the summer of 1994, I had some extra money from my baby sitting and dog walking jobs. Relying on my folks for money was after a certain point just plain stupid. I had to rely on them for insurance and a few other things, but spending money. Fun money, and yah even clothes and food, no. NOPE. My pride got the better of me and I got sick of listening to people ( mom) bitch about what I ate, how much clothes cost, and how sorry and wasteful I was. I really got kinda tired of it. It's not that they refused to provide it. They did. But it came at the price of having to hear her constantly criticize me. My weight, what I ate, What i wore. So my brain simply went to the place.. WELL.. if I stop asking them to provide these things. They will lose that control. So I just started getting my own things. That was the situation the summer that the original of this lil fella came out. Originally he was about half of what he is now, 13.00. So he would have been like six bucks. (Yay inflation!)  There was a mall on the hill that had Kaybee toys in it. Despite the fact that I was a teenager myself, I enjoyed the show a lot. And this lil asshole in green spandex was my fave. I loved green, I loved dragons, And Pretty boy mc fluffuly hair was kinda cute. So… yah He was my fave. So thinking not much of it I brought this lil fell as a model to help me learn to draw them. Fast forward to that fall. See my sister had gone off and gotten knocked up back when I was Ten.. Par for the course with people of my mom's religious persuasion. It is The DUTY of the younger family members to help when the older sibling has a baby. Especially when she comes home from whoring around out west, without a penny to her name. She came home with her demon spawn in her belly and my childhood effectively came to an end. For around six/seven years I had been putting up with it. My sister's child, though he claims he loves his auntie now, was EVIL. I have scars from where this lil asshole assaulted me.  Maybe I should forgive him but I refuse to forget. Specifically this incident. For some ungodly reason. My parents decided that weekend we were all going to spend time at the grandparents house out in the small town in eastern KY. I HATED it. I was basically Belle in that town. Girl with a brain stuck in a town that only values a woman on how many babies she can crank out and how fast. To this day they hate me because I, after finding out I was fucking sterile, chose degree's over children. Not even bothering to account that Children are an impossibility for me. Nope, being a pregasaurus rex is all that matters there. That is how your value as a woman is determined in that family. My dad's family wasn't as bad, due to my Grandpa Jim being very progressive and very education oriented. Honestly without my Grandpa Jim, I'd probably have gone stark raving mad when the occasion came to visit this town. BLEH. 

So this weekend.. because I wanted to work on some art and drawings. I shoved my lil green buddy there in my bag and took him with me so I could practice drawing his shield and stuff. So picture that.. Someone minding their own business .. with their own toy… not bothering anyone else and working on a drawing. Peaceful right? That peace was very quickly shattered. Noa, the demon seed of my sister had never noticed my lil green ranger toy there before. Sometimes he and I watched the show together when I was forced to babysit the lil shit. 

So he liked the show too. He spots my toy sitting on the table as I am drawing him and comes up. Promptly reaches up onto the table.. takes my figure and starts to make off with him. I Stop him, take Tommy back and tell him. "No kid, that's mine. You can't have it." "but I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant  it!!" I tell him no again and then pack up my drawing stuff and head up stairs to get some peace and quiet. It does not last long. I'm on my bed now drawing, and here comes my sister. "Did you take that toy from Noa!" She shouts.. pointing at the green ranger that I remind you, I paid for and was mine. "NO," I tell her flatly, "HE tried to take it from ME." "Well," She huffs, "GIVE IT TOO HIM." "No," I replied, "no, it's my toy and he can't have it. They sell them at Kaybees, when we get back to civilization just go get him one." "NO give it to him now!" She snarls, "You're too old for that anyway." "Well I don't care if I am too old for it," I shrug, "I paid for it, It's mine. If he wants one, buy him his own." I proceed to pick up the toy and shove it back into my bag. "You either give me that toy or You're gonna get it," She tells me. I ignore her and go back to my drawing. She storms off down the steps and not 10 minutes later I hear my mom standing at the bottom step, screeching like a fucking banshee.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!" At the top of her lungs, "GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW AND YOU BRING THAT BABY'S TOY WITH YOU!!" 

My dad is out with my Mom's father some place so I am aware that I am caught in there with all my female relatives on my mom's side of the family. Mom, Sister, Nanna, and Auntie. I know I will be ganged up on the moment I go down stairs. I make a point of leaving Tommy in my bag and head down so that the yelling can start. Start it does. For a good thirty minutes. Basically telling me what a selfish lil brat I am for not giving my nephew that toy. HOW horrid of a person I was for hogging the item that I PERSONALLY paid for and not giving it to him. I tell them he can't have it and promptly get slapped in the face by my mom. I am not the five nine amazon that I am now. I was a bitty lil 17 year old that was about two sauce packets tall. And my mom knew how to slap someone and make it hurt.  She slapped me so hard my nose tried to bleed. Then told me that IF I didn't go get the toy she was gonna slap me again. All of my female relatives backed her up. I told her NO.. Got slapped again and she went and got the toy out of my backpack herself. She then asked me if I was going to give it to Noa. I Once again told her no. So she told me in no uncertain terms that If Noa couldn't have the toy. Neither could I. She tossed my Green ranger into the trash. Had my Auntie bag it up in front of me and haul it out to the trash can. Eventually Dad came home and saw the red hand print and found out what had happened. Told my mom she had no right to make me share something I had paid for with my own money. Or simply take it from me because the demon seed wanted it. He went to get it but by then it was too late. The trash had been picked up and my green ranger was gone. He offered me the money to replace the toy but I told him no. The same thing would just continue to happen as long as Noa and my sister were around. Mom would take their side and the things I loved would keep dying. It was a long time before I ever saw that toy again. A year ago I saw one on hasbro and my darling husband asked me , without knowing the story actually, if I wanted it. This was because he knows my love of power rangers. He got me the reproduction and it sits on my desk  for the world to see. To pay him back this year I bought him the white one because that was his favorite. But he never had it taken away, just never got one. So yah.. Proof that my mom, sister , auntie and nana were fucking nuts. They destroyed my power ranger toy because I refused to give it to my nephew. Plain and simple.

[dykefever]

Okayyyy I finished tsasog and without further ado here is me simping:

God I missed your wolfstar the UST, the chemistry is unparalleled. I need my wolfstar pathetic and intense and pining mutually right off the bat and you delivered. Don't think I didn't see Remus's reaction when he caught sight of Sirius in his church that first time!

Ok some of my fave metaphors (not incl. religious) that have stuck with me: spit watermelon seed for Lola. Holding a cherry pit under his tongue waiting for Remus. That whole description of James in the last chapter omg.

Having never watched Fleabag bc of the triggers, to me, the way you described missing your dead friend, and what it felt like for Sirius right after she died-- it's accurate. All of it. Thank you for treating it tenderly and honestly. It made me feel less crazy tbh.

Ok onto the Hot Priest bit. Again, only you and only wolfstar will have me buying into The Hot Priest (like yes, Sirius, Get On Your Knees for Remus where you belong. The fingers on his tongue, like he is receiving the Eucharist, the Body of Christ, only hello it's the body of Remus John Lupin). I weirdly grew up with a brand of priest where being hot was part of their whole thing to like "attract people to God" but then like try being fifteen and in confession and having to tell said priest you let your bf touch your boobs shit got weird.

ON THAT NOTE. I am FERAL for all the religious/sacrilegious metaphors and perversions and commentary. I already talked about Sirius receiving "communion," but Sirius crucifying himself on a FIRE ESCAPE with his pathetic love for Remus? Perfect. If you ever need a beta for that shit PLEASE let me put my catholic education to werk. I once wrote a metaphor comparing a sex facial to the baptism of Jesus in the river jordan. I got a lifetime of knowledge.

I'll end with this: Remus, after he leaves the church and goes to Sirius and professes his love-- that experience was beautifully depicted. Remus saying that religion is a source of goodness and truth and peace, and if you aren't experiencing that, then it's not what you are meant to be doing: SO TRUE. And then there's that feeling of freedom and happiness and joy you have when you are brave enough to truly follow your path, even if it means giving up an identity and a life and a truth you once believed. It's terrifying but exhilarating once you make it to the other side. But yeah, that idea of bone-deep, constant "suffering," as Remus called it, while staying in the church, and then realizing that that is not what church or God or love should actually feel like- that is the *only* way a truly devout person will ever have the strength to walk away from it. You nailed it.

Hope this ask isn't too unhinged but like what is the point of fandom if you cant pull shit like this amirite? Thank you for sharing your writing-- you are doing the lord's work. xxooo

hello hello!!!! i love this ask definitely not too unhinged thank you for all ur lovely words :-) and thank you for including the bits from the last ask i somehow deleted 😭😭

i actually can’t write r/s without UST and like intense amounts of pathetic pining it just doesn’t make sense to me thank you for seeing my vision and loving it!! i’m really honoured you read this work despite it having some triggering material for you - and then also feeling i honoured the events that happen and treated it well. whenever i write difficult topics (grief, mental health struggles, unhealthy relationships etc) im always trying to approach it with care and honesty and vulnerability! drawing from what i know and how i think that character would also react to these events. but yeah thank you :-) particularly irt religion which i have some knowledge of but not hugely, i actually ended up doing a lot of research and like reading priest’s experiences in the church and why they chose the profession etc and then why some leave. and i’m glad the last part resonated because religion isn’t inherently evil or bad and i didn’t want r to be like i don’t want any of it! but to actually connect with his faith again to realise that the way he was practicing and engaging with his religion was no longer healthy and no longer the best way to like connect with it and god!!

and damn i wish i had gotten you on board for the religious metaphors 😭 you would have taken it the next level aidjfjw but thank you so much for all these lovely words!!!! just loved reading all this :-) xxxx

[r-tawen]

Rating Thought Experiments by How Annoying They Are

It's finals week and I'm procrastinating because I've decided my sanity outweighs the slavering need to academically perform that's been drilled into me by the education industry over the past two decades. I have no other basis for these ratings other than how much each thought experiment annoys me on a molecular level. All Thought Experiments here listed taken from GCC Libraries website. Here goes:

Trolley Problem - 8/10

Starting off with a Certified Classicᵀᴹ

I think we have bigger problems to deal with, namely that we have someone routinely strapping random people to railway tracks AND that random civilians can just up and reroute entire trains on a whim

Like why the fuck would I ever be in this situation

"you notice a very large individual whom you can push in front of the train in order to stop it" first of all, is this a philosophy major's idea of a fat joke? Second, if you had a guy big enough to bring 130 kmph of screaming metal to a dead halt at the distance pictured, they would be big enough to pick up the train and spare us all this nonsense. Thank you, Waybig from Ben 10 Alien Force

Oh, the individual is a "close relative" now? You think you've got me roped into your ethical dillemma now that it's personal? Fool. Dullard. Wipe that unsexy smirk off your smug little face because I don't love anyone stupid enough to get caught strapped to what is actually a very efficient mode of public transport like that

The Ship of Theseus - 3/10

Actually really fun to consider the little sailors milling about and fixing up the ship

They liked sailing on that boat so much that they lovingly replaced each little bit as it gets worn down over time, whistling sea shanties, making sure the parts fit just right and snug to make her seaworthy again

Doesn't matter if it's the same boat or not, it is their boat and that's all that matters as far as I'm concerned

Only downside is it brings up the weird teleportation thing, which makes all the weird sci-fi nerds (derogatory, as opposed to the good weird sci-fi nerds) come crawling out of the metalwork

As if the philosophy nuts weren't bad enough

Patient Refusing Treatment - 90000/10

Hits a little too close to home bc this shit just happens irl

Brings up the fact that people will straight up choose to die rather than offend their religious teachings

And also that said religious groups will straight up turn their backs on you as soon as you step a toe out of line

So much for loving your neighbor, divine morality, community and all that pretty shit they like to preach

Just try and come at me for this, bitches, I'm a colonized POC in the third world in a pre-dominantly Catholic country and I'm spoiling for a fucking fight

The Drowning Child and the $1000 Suit - 9/10

You honestly think the average asshole who would wear a $1000 suit to the beach has any morals?

He probably sells babies on WallStreet to fund his twice-collapsed crypto startup in Silicon Valley so he can fulfill his dreams of getting a whiff of Elon Musk's scrotal discharge

If this stark white businessbitch with the physical and moral integrity of paper mache gets anywhere near that water, we'd have two drowning children in the ocean

And how dare you compare the dude who can afford to be in a $1000 suit who can take immdeiate action to save someone, to the random middle-aged dad watching Netflix at 4AM without adblockers on? "how are the two examples different?" I'll fucking drown you in a bathtub that's how

COVID Simulator 2019 - 5/10

Vulnerable people and frontline healthcare workers first, easy, next question

The main source of annoyance is having to remember how fucking horrendously this pandemic has been handled in my country

I Can't Say Pleasure Machine With A Clean Mind - 7/10

You could build a machine that can simulate reality one-to-one, but you couldn't figure out a way to bring people out? How did you test this shit to begin with if every volunteer and the machine they're assigned to is permanently fucking unusable to anyone else on the first go?

And I'm supposed to take your "guarantee" that this will make me happy, when there is literally no one who has actually tried it who can attest to that?

If I put you in there, will it simulate a universe where you make sense and people like you?

There's no fucking way this shit isn't going to get hogged by rich old white billionaires who have nothing left to do in life but evade all of their legal problems by becoming legally fucking dead to the world

Colonized Land Problem - 999999999999999999999/0.1

See Patient Refusing Treatment, paragraph 5

Space Taxonomy - 3/10

Like, a couple thousand lesser known sci-fi writers have beaten you to this premise already

There's just nothing in this to be annoyed at, at all, it's such a Nothing dillemma

The meagre 3 it accrued is just because it reminds me of weird vegans (derogatory, as opposed to the good weird vegans) and PETA, but there's just not a lot of substance here to be annoyed by

Social Media Misinformation - 8/10

Yes? Fucking- regulate your platforms??

A 3 year old could answer this, and those little bastards can't even operate heavy machinery

Do you want more anti-vaxxers? TERFs? Neo-nazis? Sons of former dictators being elected as president?

"bUt i hAve thE RIgHt to Be rAciSt and stUpiD-" I will personally feed your unwashed ass into an old-timey woodchipper

The Merchant Vessel - 9/10

????

Are you the most incompetent sailors ever to salt the raging seas?

It's an island- you can find food there, you can find food in the fucking ocean

Wh-

Do you have no other options?

The best thing you could come up with was to eat, sleep, and shit for the duration of an entire trading season off of the rations that washed up on the beach, doing absolutely NOTHING else productive with your time?

Couldn't come up with any brighter ideas? Okay, sure, have fun out there

Immortality Pill - 10/10

Cool. Why is this my problem again?

Are the people in this universe also completely devoid of thought and agency that I have to decide what to do? I already invented the damn thing for fuck's sake

Just... let people decide if they're taking it or not??

In the first place, the premise says they can straight up still be killed- it's not like there's no way out

The only real issue here is Big Pharma kicking my doors in 0.5 milliseconds after I finish my last test and gunning me down before any of my research could ever feel the fresh breeze of outdoors Manila

I will, however, be selling placebos exclusively to billionaires

"Sorry Mr. Bezos, the pills won't take, Idk what to tell you, byyeeeeee"

Pascal's Wager - 12/10

See Colonized Land Problem, paragraph 1

Equim - 6/10

The fuck kind of worldbuilding is this

You named it "Equim"? Is that what you meant to do?

How about we leave them alone, huh, how about that?

If the North Sentinelese decide that part of their culture is killing the fuck out of any foreign culture-destroying missionaries that land on their shores, then who am I tell them they're wrong? (They're not btw)

But then again I can't expect whatever imperialist white fuck who probably came up with this to understand the concept of keeping one's grubby little hands off of someone else's culture

Wittgenstein's Game - 100000/10

See- this right here is why we don't take you people seriously

At least the above entries had flavor to them, but this? Really?

You're just agonizing over a dictionary

Like Jesus H. Fuck, get a real hobby

Or did you spend too much time agonizing over what a "hobby" truly is and now you're 46 and balding and you've forgotten what it feels like to have a conversation with someone?

Enough of this shit. Procrastination over. Might do a part two if something gets me riled up again.

[just-some-random-blogger]

good day or evening from the mingming<з THIS KITTY is me when you say 28C is cold... 'i dont expect them to' actually i dont too. want some quality time with my catmom. meowmeow. but YOU. youre cruel... but fine i found you so its alright. im not religious so i cant fully understand you but. if it helps you and makes you feel confident, ig its good. bc its true. 'i hate war' true. tbh, 99% of destruction (which includes killing, violence and all) is the ugliest thing and has no right to exist. im so glad youve found your peace at loving yourself. maybe if all people could do it, there wouldnt be so much destruction. thanks for your support TT luv u so much TT 'i can be contrary and always build people up' ig you can. guess you are. you have a very welcoming and supportive image. HAJDHJS i'm glad youre good. no but should i be offended by this dry comparison??.... im not typing it on the phone to insert emojis love no TT 'favorite things FOOOOOD' YEEEEY it already sounds good! oh i love rice too! champorado looks tasty. its really uncommon for me so its reallyreally interesting. do you think we like any warm food bc its cold here?? we literally have okroshka... omg its so intriguing to learn abt things' history?? and mexican stuff? wow sounds surprising to me. like ive said im bad at history.. so yeah its really educational lol. omg you made spain look so cunning and mysterious (: you probably didnt mean it to but sounds so conspiratorially... 'what does poka mean?' bye. you didnt want me to message you so i said bye >:( too many symbols omgomg what speech? hope your hw is alright too... ok its your right to not continue watching. but that poor guy... you abandoned him... 'this was so dry i was like' i tend to sound pretty convincingly so dont worry youre not my only victim. should i call you saint hannah or saint catmom now?... 'I LOVE IT WHEN GIRLS GIVE BOYS FLOWERS' oooh flowers are pretty themselves. i need someone to give me flowers first. then ill think. 'IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEANT TO CONFUSE YOU' its ok its my revenge for dante. i learnt what it meant. yeah classical literature is a chore but... ive got a classical literature exam... i have no choice.... its pretty sometimes but when youre obliged to read it, esp at school... it wasnt meant for teens guys... ESPECIALLY russian classical literature.... can you tell anything abt filipino literature? 'her dad an ugly rat L' ig its not enough for him. even cunt is not enough for him. hasjsjs this aemond meme TT so true TT and i cant watch the tiktok as its banned in russia but i hope you laugh for me! also abt them! im finally watching official hotd's bts and WOW its so impressive? ig i needed to watch it insted of the series and wouldve been more satisfied. how were your classes? tell me more abt filipino culture please! its interesting! have a nice day/evening/night/life! love you! take care<з

HELLO MUNING <3

me playing the piano HAHAHAHAH

you know my mom is so so so good at playing piano. i am 99.9 percent sure that i got my love for music from her. i always wanted to learn how to play as good as her, and i mean i guess i could always practice but like she's so good that whenever she hears me she gets mad when i get it wrong T_T i means she isnt like that anymore but the trauma is real

THIS KITTY is me when you say 28C is cold...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA

i meant its not cold but sometimes the air gets kinda cold HAHAHAH

'i dont expect them to' actually i dont too. want some quality time with my catmom. meowmeow. but YOU. youre cruel... but fine i found you so its alright.

quality time time haha ????????? WHY AM I CRUEL THIS TIME T_T

im not religious so i cant fully understand you but. if it helps you and makes you feel confident, ig its good. bc its true.

lol honestly its not that im religious either. i dont have the oppurtunity to go to church but i have a personal relationship with God so thats what that it. its so much easier to believe in God than yourself to be honest. i hope you find your confidence too!

'i hate war' true. tbh, 99% of destruction (which includes killing, violence and all) is the ugliest thing and has no right to exist. im so glad youve found your peace at loving yourself. maybe if all people could do it, there wouldnt be so much destruction.

WAR BOOO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 war ugly L EW 👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎 im glad ive found my peace too. its a constant process and progress though. it fluctuates. sometimes i love myself SO MUCH sometimes like.... 1/9 sometimes 10000% sometimes .00000000000000000001 so like again my constant is God who never changes. dont be hard on yourself if you cant love yourself sO MUCH. baby steps count! progress is not linear!

i do also think if people found more love not just form themselves but others too there wouldnt be war. the irony in love is the more you give it away, the more you have!!!! I LOVE LOVE!!!!! that's why i have a lot of love to give! (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞCOS I LIKE GIVING IT AWAY

thanks for your support TT luv u so much TT

'i can be contrary and always build people up' ig you can. guess you are. you have a very welcoming and supportive image.

love that for me

HAJDHJS i'm glad youre good.

я всегда голоден. 24/7

no but should i be offended by this dry comparison??.... im not typing it on the phone to insert emojis love no TT

HAHAHHAHAHAH that's fine. it's a russian thing ig AHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH it'S NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE! it's a hasty generalisation fallacy but hahahha in my head its canon lol HAHHAHAHA

'favorite things FOOOOOD' YEEEEY it already sounds good! oh i love rice too! champorado looks tasty. its really uncommon for me so its reallyreally interesting. do you think we like any warm food bc its cold here?? we literally have okroshka...

well i mean i would assume if its too cold you'd want to eat smth warm no? its not to say you dont like cold things either . IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE CHAMPORADO MY MOM MADE CHAMPORADO AND IT WAS SAAAAUUURRRR GOOOOD i love eating. imma show you another dish i love love love love so much

GINATAN

OK OK I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU

so ginatan or ginataan comes from the word gata which is like coconut milk like like the creamy version cos coconut milk has like a juice version but that's just juice the coconut milk is from like squeezed coconut flesh hehe lol. ok so ginataan means like 'a dish with gata/you put gata'

and theres like a savory version of ginataan

idk in the internet it has a g as in ginataang which i guess makes sense cos if you said, ginataang hipon, that means shrimp (hipon) with coconut milk (ginataang lol)

but you can literally call any dish with coconut milk ginataang. but that's like the savory version.

idk honestly sometimes when someone says we have ginataang i get bamboozled and think its ginatan (which is the dessert) so even i get it confused but i think the difference (in the name) is that if its the dessert, we say ginatan, with one a in the end and if its the savory dish (IDK WHAT TO CALL IT IN ENGLISH IN FILIPINO ITS ULAM AND ITS WHAT WE EAT WITH RICE AND IDK IF THERES AN EQUIVALENT OF THAT IN RUSSIAN SO IMMA JUST CALL IT SAVORY DISH) its ginataang

ANYWAY super side tracked.

Ginatan

this one! ^^^^^^^^^ 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 has got to be one if not MY MOST FAVORITE food ever ever ever (ok maybe dessert lol)

there are many variations of it but my fav is the one with bilo-bilo which is usually called ginatang halo-halo HAHAHAHH we like saying things twice. ok halo-halo basically means mix-mix and it's also a dessert!!!

ITS ALSO ONE OF MY FAVORITE I LOVE FOOD SO MUCHL:ASHDFLAHSFLHASFaf

the reason why both of those are called halo-halo is because its mixed with A LOT of different things. (i'll talk about halo-halo first ig)

halohalo (im too lazy to put the -) has like ube ice cream, ube (that's actually ube T_T oh ube hayala its called HAHAHAAH (you can put that in bread! and its sweet! HAHHA

it also has leche flan (you know that right? HAHAHH like flan but we call it leche flan cos milk is leche in spanish) it also has gulaman!!!

its fundamentally like jelly ig

then nata de coco (tbh less people put it there and i think thats sad)

this is kind of like gulaman but harder and sweeter and sometimes it leaves a pulp in your mouth!!! ?????!!?!?!?!? it kinda hard to explain but its also from coconuts i have no idea how its made

a lot of southeast asian countries love coconuts YAY COCONUTS

it also has sago

or like what english speakers say tapioca pearls ? its kind of the same for the one in bobba milk tea things if youve ever tried it but i would say the bobba ones are much much chewier and sweeter. sago (at least in halohalo is more on a neutral side ??? i think but still chewy!!!)

it also has beans, like red beans T_T i used to hatE THEM but now i like them

i might be forgetting something but i

OH WAIT

they also put ^^ macapuno, which is like sweet coconut strands its really sticky IDK SOME TASTE LIKE WAX AND I THINK ITS A MANUFACTURING THING which is why i kinda dont like it idk the pic looks kinda gross but i couldnt find anything else lhf;lhasfa

anyway i think thats all HAHAHAH I GOT SIDE TRACKED SO BADLY AND WENT TO HALOHALO INSTEAD OF GINATAN HALOHALO HAHHAHAHAHAAH

anyway lets go back to that

ginatan has saba which is a type of banana, not like the ones you put in idk banana splits

this is it. some people like to boil this T_T (NOT ME) and eat it like that. i dont want to yuck someones yum but i really dont like it. i dont like it when people cook/process banana (with some very few exceptions like ginatan)

kamote (idk what it is in english T_T i think its yam?????????????????? SWEET POTATO??????? idk it has different colors and stuff my mom puts the purple ones in her ginatan AY NVM SHE DOESNT LIKE PUTTING KAMOTE IN HERS COS SHE DOESNT LIKE IT HAHAHHAH NVM but yeah

this is kamote T_T

and then gabi which is taro i think T_T idk either. you might get confused if you search it cos its also the word for night in filipino. GAbi is the food gaBI is night lol

anyway here it is! im like ....... 55% sure its taro HAHHAHA

ginatan also has sago, sometimes big ones sometimes mini ones, it depends on what you want

AND THE BEST INGREDIENT OF IT ALL BILO-BILO

it's basically the big white chew balls in the... the soup? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IDK WHAT ITS CALLED ITS NOT A SOUP HAHAHHHAAHHAH but while were talking about the soup its basically just coconut milk water and sugar thats it

ANYWAY BILO-BILO IS SUPER CHEWY AND SOFT AND AMAZING AND DELICIOUS AND ITS MADE FROM GALAPONG which is basically like glutinous rice + water =

^^^^ this. you can use this to make more but i cant think of anything rn AHHAHAH also i made this post so long already HAAHHAHAHAHAH

that's it for food today HAHAHAHAHAHA

omg its so intriguing to learn abt things' history?? and mexican stuff? wow sounds surprising to me. like ive said im bad at history.. so yeah its really educational lol.

HAHAA i dont remember you saying you were bad at history i just remember you telling me a bit about russian history and literature and i was like 'i gotta get this right cos she good at history or whatevah GAAAAAAAAAAH' HAHHHHAAHAHAHH

i also like learning about history tbh, especially when its said in an interesting way. cos when i think of my classes in school its so T_T boring, but when i watch youtube videos its SO MUCH FUN!!!

omg you made spain look so cunning and mysterious (: you probably didnt mean it to but sounds so conspiratorially...

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA ITS NOT A CONSPIRACY ITS LIKE REAL!!!!!! this is how i explain stuff to my classmates when we go through lessons and its easier for them to understand and easier for me to explain. i mean to be fair, spain conquered us for ~333 years sooooo yeah pretty cunning and maybe half mysterious cos eventually the pilipinos were like ???? bruh you've been treating us poorly the entire time AND stealing from us ???? GTFO

'what does poka mean?' bye. you didnt want me to message you so i said bye >:( too many symbols

I LITERALLY HAD TO GO BACK TO THAT MESSAGE I THOUGHT YOU SAID 'i can give long messages or smth' NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND you can send me 10000000000 messages id read them all but it will take a while.

omgomg what speech?

it was a speech by our second president Manuel L. Quezon. it was basically declaring Filipino as our lingua franca/national language cos up til then, a little after WWII ?? i think or NO before WWII we didnt have one and the last time i researched about it, i think the philippines has the most spoken languages ever in the world? ok lemme just google it

nvm google said its papua new guinea HAHAHHAH but we have so many languages in the ph and at the time, because of our colonizers, like spanish was prevalent then the americans came so english was next, and then we got our own govt and pres was like 'Ok our language is going to be called filipino which is based on Tagalog'

AND CAN I JUST TELL YOU

;KLASGFL;ASGHFLASFLSAHSAFH FUCKING FUCKING IDIOTS THEYRE SO FUCKING STUPID AND KNOW IT ALL I HATE FIL-AMS FUCK OFF YOU POSER RAT T_T ok ignore that i was talking to these 3 strangers on this walkie-talkie thing and they were supposedly all filipino BUT FROM THE STATES AND I TOLD THEM MY FIRST LANGAUGE IS FILIPINO AND THEY HAD THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO CORRECT ME AND SAY ITS TAGALOG NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT WHO CANT DIFFERENCIATE YOUR AND YOURE FUCK YOU DONT CORRECT ME ABOUT MY OWN FUCKING LANGAUGE IM PRETTY SURE YOU CANT EVEN FUCKING SPEAK

i said i wont cuss but THEY PISS ME OFF SO BAD FUCK YOU RAT

ANYWAY they said Filipino is the person and Tagalog is the word. and i was like ? it;s BASED OFF OF TAGALOG BUT TO CALL IT TAGALOG IS REGIONALISM AND UNINCLUSIVE AND ITS CALLED FILIPINO BECAUSE ITS THE UNIFIFED LANGUAGE FUCK YOU YOU KNOW NOTHING Also the person is Pilipino you uneducated rat im sure you would fail in our school system if you went to the phililppines fuck you. OK filipino is acceptable cos its the english version of pilipino /: but RAT still

DID YOU KNOW 70% IN AMERICA IS A PASSING AND HIGH GRADE HAHAHAHH 70 is below failing here /: 75 is like you barely made it. ok dont quote me on that fr BUT I SAW A BUNCH OF TIKTOKS ABOUT IT AND this one foreign girl when to the ph and said she got a 70smth and she was like thats good and she was shocked it was failing

SO YALL DUMB AF GAAAAAAAAAAAH I REALLY HATED THE FACT THOSE THREE 'FILIPINOS 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢' GANGED UP ON ME LIKE THAT I WAS LITERALLY LIKE GOOGLE IT GOOGLE IT YOURE SAYING WHAT I LEARNED IN SCHOOL IN THE FUCKING PHILIPPINES IS WRONG AND THEY WERE LIKE YES

l/aksgf;klSDAGG:KLJggb;jbk;B:GKSJbgjkdlgbddsdfsgdg;glhd;hgl;SDhgli;sdhgl;isdlhgsi;D FUCK YOU IM SO ANGRY

whooo i just admited i was angry and i dont like that T_T inner peace

i forgive them

omg that was so hard to type

ANYWAY im hot and smart they're YUCKY! God bless america.

WOW that was a long rant

hope your hw is alright too...

my homework is fine ig HAHAHAH

ok its your right to not continue watching. but that poor guy... you abandoned him...

i might come back for it cos im kinda intruiged BUT I BORROWED A BUNCH FO SANDMAN FANFICS AND GAAAHHH I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THEM IN OUR LIBRARY AND IM SO EXCITED TO READ THEM LASGHFASFSAFSAF SOOOOOOO SOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!! T_T i felt so happy to go to the library AND BORROW BOOKS I WAS SKIPPING ANG JUMPING AROUND AL:SIFLASFSAFH

i was actually looking for this book

because the author was promoting it on tiktok and it looks sooooooo interesting T_T I WANT IT but i cant they didnt have it yet T_T bUT THEN I SAW THE SANDMAN ON DISPLAY AND I WAS LIKE LAHSKFKSAHFAUSSHAS I MUST HAVE IT and i borrowed 4 comic books T_T IM SO HAPPY

that can only mean im probably not going to post as much AHHAHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAH let me enjoy my comics first i only got a week to finish em and im SO EXCITED<3 im going to cry

'this was so dry i was like' i tend to sound pretty convincingly so dont worry youre not my only victim.

HAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHA

should i call you saint hannah or saint catmom now?...

AHAHAHA lol you can ??????? BUT just cos ur in the bible doesnt mean ur a saint HAHHHAH HAHAHAHAH but idc i dont mind lolololol HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

'I LOVE IT WHEN GIRLS GIVE BOYS FLOWERS' oooh flowers are pretty themselves. i need someone to give me flowers first. then ill think.

IVE NEVER RECEIVED FLOWERS FLOWERS EITHER lol jk i got one flower from my bestie she gave all her friends one rose then another from my classmatein grade 4 who gave all the class officers a rose. but thats it hahahahah. if i really liked a guy, id give him flowers <3

'IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEANT TO CONFUSE YOU' its ok its my revenge for dante. i learnt what it meant.

HAHAAHHAHAH ok then AHHAHA

yeah classical literature is a chore but... ive got a classical literature exam... i have no choice.... its pretty sometimes but when youre obliged to read it, esp at school... it wasnt meant for teens guys... ESPECIALLY russian classical literature....

so true. i find it hard to believe that boys rule the world. have you met a boy? THEY FUCKING DUMB. yeah simply because you HAVE to read it it feels like so bad to do T_T HAHAHAAH. i did very much enjoy my literature classes. my teacher was nice and me and my friends were nerds so AHHAAHAHAH we actually read the stories, except for that one time and no one in class answered, even me T_T and she was so disappointed in us and i was like IVE LET YOU DOWN T_T

can you tell anything abt filipino literature?

ok i was going to talk about one of the stories by our national hero but thats so basic. imma tell you about one of the pieces we read for that said literauture class. Under my Invisible Umbrella by Laurel Flores Fantauzzo. it's a personal essay which basically is about white privelage in the ph

the author laural is half pilipino and italian but she looks fully foreign ig and so she basically gets treated differently, better because of it. im actually like her, but insteaf of being half italian, i'm half jordanian so i get what she means on a real level. it goes both ways though i get good and back reactions

this is kind linked to by for a while i didnt believe i was pretty because my perceived beauty was only based on how foreign i looked. T_T its so weird/hard to talk about cos no one gets it and so sometimes i feel like an imposter. when other people around me say im pretty do they mean that because i am or because i just look foreign?

ANYWAY im hot. (:

'her dad an ugly rat L' ig its not enough for him. even cunt is not enough for him.

so true he's so trash ew ew ew

hasjsjs this aemond meme TT so true TT and i cant watch the tiktok as its banned in russia but i hope you laugh for me!

i gotchu

i found the one with the brown door AHHAAHAHHA it's the same guy though

also abt them! im finally watching official hotd's bts and WOW its so impressive? ig i needed to watch it insted of the series and wouldve been more satisfied.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

how were your classes?

my classes were ok HAHAHAH my teacher got upset with my classmate (its the first time i saw him angry i was scared) T_T well i mean my classmate was begging to sleep, legit he pulled a chair and laid down so my teacher when 'ok you do this next thing' and made him do the demonstration of plugging our equipment LOL KSKSSKSKSKK

tell me more abt filipino culture please! its interesting!

i'll tell you more next letter! i said so much this time HAHAHAH. i'll tell you about the works of our national hero!

have a nice day/evening/night/life! love you! take care<з

i hope you also have a good day baby cakes im luv u <3

stay safe do good <3

xxx

[marmota-b]

They didn't care / nuance. Lots of nuance.

Honestly I can't remember it ever coming up. It seems like, first and foremost, I myself had fairly good sense for what I didn't want to read, so I never found out what they might have deemed unsuitable. (I can presume that had I brought home something like Mein Kampf, it would have raised eyebrows... and probably triggered a long discussion extremely influenced by Karl Popper, who was father's go-to. But I didn't.) But I definitely read books purported to be for older children / adults, with no problems except maybe things flying over my head - honestly, though, if I were to guess based on my own experience, some difficult topics at a very young age when you don't question it much might be a pretty good empathy training.

And I do know that when our aunt instituted a book ban for her own children, on religious grounds, my parents' (themselves believers) attitude was "she's asking for rebellion". (Which she indeed got.) Based on that discussion - it was Harry Potter and the scare about magic - I suspect my parents' approach in this, just as in many other things, was to give us a good moral grounding and then let us sort ourselves out. And I think it was definitely the trust they had in us to sort ourselves out that in fact did the most preventative work. (In that particular case, if I remember correctly, father brandished his philosophically-theological grounding in what magic was in principle, gained from Zdeněk Neubauer, one of the leading Czech philosophers of the 20th century, and, well, I think it's stood me in good stead as a Christian. It's a pretty good succinct summary that I now can't remember properly from the top of my head - but it went something like "trying to influence the powers that be yourself instead of trusting them to do the necessary themselves". Pretty good at laying the groundwork without having to jump-scare at any mention of magic in fear it might somehow magically corrupt you just by proximity. So, yep. Giving you the means to sort yourself out.)

I suspect a very important element of my parents' relaxed attitude was the fact they themselves have lived through a period of banned books and samizdat - raising children through the 90s, they probably took the approach of "finally we're free to read what we want". Because for them that was what it was for most of their lives at that point - they were both born in the 1950s, which was a very repressive period of Czech history. They must have gotten a glimpse of freedom in their early teens with the thawing of the 1960s, only for that to be snatched away again. Though as far as I can remember, it never really came up, either. It was more of an underlying understanding present in family stories (like going to underground lectures held in people's homes; through friends, my father with a strictly technical education came to know several Czech leading figures in the humanities...) or the music they listened to... like the song that at one point goes "I will go where I want to go, I will read what I want to read" - as an adult it gives me chills to think the band got away with it, as a child I just sort of took it for granted, and it subtly formed my convictions of what was important. And of course growing up in that political/societal atmosphere also meant we didn't have to contend with the question of how to deal with banned books as a family. Based on the "they attended underground lectures and likely read samizdat books in connection to that", I can assume they might have encouraged it or at least silently ignored, but I also suspect it might depend on what the ban was about (with them probably considering most if not all book bans excessive but maybe agreeing some restrictions would be reasonable for some ages). But it wasn't an issue to begin with.

*reasonable restrictions are ones you consider fair for your own safety or wellbeing, especially for things like graphic depictions of violence in relation to your age at the time (i.e. "you can read this when you're older")

not sure if books you read were banned? here is a archive of the top 10 most banned/challenged books from 2001-2022, hosted by the American Library Association

as well as the Wikipedia page for the Most Commonly Challenged Books in the United States

Wikipedia page for Books Banned by the Government, organized by region/country

[automatismoateo]

Today my psychology professor said that Religion is the regulator of behavior and Im failing to see the reasons behind her logic via /r/atheism

Today my psychology professor said that “Religion is the regulator of behavior” and I’m failing to see the reasons behind her logic I’m from Lebanon and in my college we have Christians and Muslims. Anyway today in a psych class, my dr who’s Christian was talking about Behaviorism, and then she brings up religion (idk how it got there but she often brings up religion) and says that religion regulates behavior and that humans before religion were selfish, but when religion came, people started gaining control over their actions and became better ppl bc they started sacrificing many things in this life to have a better afterlife. There are many hijabis in my class and my classmates are either Muslim or Christian, though I suspect that there may be atheists/non-religious ppl. Everyone agreed with the dr at first, then one girl raises her hand and says that she disagrees (as an atheist I was glad at least one other person disagreed). Now on one hand, I can see how religion can motivate believers to do good (bc they’re promised heaven in the afterlife if they do good in this world, tho I feel this only applies to progressive believers), but on the other, I find that religion can bring chaos and havoc to society when introduced to non-religious cultures (prime examples include the Islamic Revolution of Iran and Pakistan). Just because she believes that religion is beneficial on the individual level, doesn’t mean that it’s also beneficial on the large-scale/society level. In fact, religion actually slowed down the development of technology that could be used in medicine, bc apparently religious folk believe that we can’t play with our lives, only god can do that. And generally speaking I don’t like how many professors assume that the whole class must be theist and use examples from religious fairytales to justify certain topics. Honestly I am baffled by how highly educated one can be yet never even bother questioning religion just bc they were indoctrinated into it. I know questioning is a sin in religion but as a child I was way less educated yet skeptical of religion from the moment I was introduced to it. And if u agree with what my professor said pls share why. Submitted October 17, 2023 at 04:13PM by ur_fav_midget_boi (From Reddit https://ift.tt/qTNpRlP)

[subtletruamadumping]

Now That I'm Allowed to Think for Myself

______________________________________________________________

I've spent a lot of time trying to unlearn the things that my parents forced down my throat growing up. Growing up Catholic did a lot to fuck up my thoughts and I wrote a bunch of things as a way to try and break away from that kind of thinking and process all the false information I had been given my entire childhood.

Date Written: January 29, 2022

TW: Religious Ideation

_____________________________________________________________

Now that I’m allowed to think for myself, 

Or, rather, no one is here to tell me otherwise,

I think I’ve finally learned that I was always wrong.

I was always so sure that the things I was learning at

Home was the whole truth, nothing but the truth.

So help me god I would convert all those

Non-believers to your good word of nothing

But love and acceptance. Except for, of course

Jews, homosexuals, whores that flaunt their body

And cause good men to sin with them.

They might claim they have changed, that

They have finally seen the face of god and want 

To repent for their sins so they can get to heaven.

They will never truly be clean and it is very

Easy to turn back to a life of sin.

Keep them at an arm's length.

Not that I’m allowed to think for myself

I think that’s pretty fucked up.

Not a novel idea, honestly, and I am deeply

Embarrassed that I took me so long to shake

The sanity into myself. How could people who

Claim to be so loving, so thoughtful of others

Be so terrible to their fellow man? It was

As if they weren’t viewing them as people.

Listening to a ‘man of god’ go on about he

Types of people he’d be alright with wiping out.

Atheists, transvestites, black people who refuse

To talk ‘correctly’ even after being forced into

Education by the white man.

By being so ungrateful they are rejecting the 

Good works of god. They were offered salvation

And rejected it. Now, they don’t deserve it.

Now that I’m allowed to think for myself

And I have untangled myself from what

I grew up listening to, I can finally start to

Grow as a person. The church had me firmly

Pinned down, believing there was really only

One type of person that would make it into heaven.

Loud, white, cis-straight men

Who talked over others because it is their

God-given right to do whatever they wanted.

Obedient, white, cis-straight girls

Who were never allowed to grow old enough to

Have agency over their own bodies or

Become less attractive to older men.

All it took was a step back to see clearly

The disgusting teachings leeching the

Humanity and love out of the followers.

Now that I’m allowed think for myself

I think, just maybe, that we shouldn’t

Be killing, shaming, and converting people

We don’t agree with. This shouldn’t be a

Novel concept, but my mom and I have

Gotten into screaming matches about

Weather or not gay people should be allowed

To get married. It’s been a law for a while.

She wants me spend my life miserable,

Alone, constantly asking god for

Forgiveness for something I can’t control

Just in care there’s a heaven after all this

Rather than just let me be happy.

She says I’ll be happy in heaven, but if

God hates me just for being here,

Why even try? I know where I would go.

Now that I’m allowed think for myself

And I am alone with my own thoughts

For most of the day, I disagree with so 

Much that was just the standard growing up.

I am finally free to choose what I watch,

Who I listen to, what I read. I’m expanding

My horizons, just like my mom always feared.

It’s almost as if she knows the answers are

Out there. As if she knows she’s being a

Hypocrite by claiming to love every human

While encouraging my brothers to avoid

Being friends with anyone who knows

Another language besides English.

I remember when I was in their place.

I tried to reject the idea and ask questions

Which got me punished for talking back.

Now that I’m allowed to think for myself

I can sit with the thoughts and feelings

That have been festering since I was in middle

School. Even forcing me to spend day in and

Day out in a private school meant to further

The brainwashing couldn’t keep me from noticing

How wrong everything sounded. I couldn’t do

The work then, but I can now. I can unlearn

All the things that were seared into my brian.

All the bigotry, all the hatred, all the superiority

That was thrown at me over and over in an

Attempt to force out any original thought.

They didn’t want me to know the truth.

I escaped because it never quite made sense.

All the terrible things that I was taught by

Catholicism. The Universal Religion.

[noteguk]

any way you want it | kth | m

— summary; in which your best friend, Taehyung, finds out about your unsatisfying sexual experiences and decides to put an end to that track record himself. 

— contents and warnings; smut, childhood best friends, Taehyung x reader, bigdick!tae, breast play, oral (f receiving), dry grinding, dirty talk, tae has a praise kink, unprotected sex (be responsible!!), rough sex, creampie, multiple orgasms, Taehyung takes things personally but he has good intentions, this is what happens when mutual thirst gets suppressed for years of friendship 

— words; 6.6k

— author’s note; i have no idea why but this fic was so fucking hard to put down into words??? I felt mentally constipated the entire time but it’s finally here 

Taehyung wasn’t the slightest bit surprised when you called him at almost two in the morning, complaining about your newest nightmarish date and practically begging to come over. Like the good friend that he was, he made sure to tell you that you would be more than welcome to join him in his newest documentary marathon about aliens, and wondered if you could bring him some takeout on your way over there. Like the bad friend that you were, you said no. 

To be fair, the nearest takeout place was across the city from his apartment (about thirty minutes away and in a bad neighborhood), and you were already having a horrible night as it was. Besides, you refused to take part in Taehyung’s search for a high blood pressure and cholesterol levels, arguing that it wasn’t the right time to stuff his face full of hypercaloric noodles. 

But you did pity him enough to comply with his second request: a big pot of vanilla ice cream, which you were sure you’d end up consuming too. You were in a crisis.

As if to prove that the gods above were laughing at you, during the walk of shame to Taehyung’s apartment, it had started to rain (because of course it did), and your umbrella was only able to save you from the shoulders up before it crumbled and flew away from your gasp, rolling on the asphalt like a ball of dirt in a Wild West movie. By the time that you dragged yourself to his front door, you were completely soaked (and not in the way you had planned for that night to end), and about to break down crying. 

Taehyung, like the angel that he was, helped you with your heavy coat and talked you into taking a warm shower before you got sick. He took the supermarket bag from you (where the ice cream had probably already melted) and walked you to this bathroom, excusing himself so he could grab you some dry clothes — and you only saw the ones he had picked when you got out of the shower. 

With a silly smile dancing on your lips, you fumbled with the black booty shorts that Taehyung had jokingly gifted you that past Christmas — one that read “daddy’s juicy butt” in big, bold, neon pink letters over your ass — and then decided that your dignity was already dead by that point, so another kick wouldn’t hurt. Taehyung had also given you one of his favorite band shirts, which he only revealed during desperate times. 

Your heart melted with the thought of your best friend trying to comfort you, and pulled the fabric close to your face so you could take a deep inhale, drowning in his scent. It smelled of that stupid cologne that Taehyung had used ever since he hit puberty, and a bit of fabric softener. 

The two of you had an extremely close friendship, to the point that it got kind of strange at times. Ever since childhood, it was joked that you and Taehyung had been long lost soulmates — doing everything together, from going to school to laughing at the same exact jokes during movie marathons, often at the same moment and for the same amount of time. Before puberty hit (and the hormonal rage took over your first teenage years) you couldn’t remember disagreeing with him even once. You two had always been in sync. 

But the uncomfortably close part only hit after you two went to college, and your anxiety for being a virgin in a sea of starving sharks got the best of you. After long conversations, you had managed to convince Taehyung to help you learn a thing or two about the art of naked wrestling. 

Apparently it was weird to give your best friend a handjob and a blowjob for the sake of education. Go figure. 

Regardless, your friendship wasn’t affected by any of that — even if you two had agreed to never mention any of it ever again — and you could always count on Taehyung to catch you when you fell. 

Even if it was at two am on a Tuesday, after one of your nightmarish dates. 

You threw yourself on the couch next to him, hugging your knees against your chest to form a barrier between you and the divine providence that had taken you to that point. You had half-assedly dried your hair, but pools of wetness had started to build on the back of Taehyung’s shirt. 

Instead of accusing you of ruining his favorite piece of clothing, Taehyung reached for the remote and paused his documentary just as the narrator was starting to explain how hieroglyphs were actually part of an alien language. “Just tell me how bad it was,” he said, a mustache of ice cream melting over his top lip.

You took a peek at the bowl of melting vanilla on his center table, and decided that you would probably pass the desert for the night. 

You glanced at him sideways, voice coming out monotone. “You sure you want to go down that path?” 

Taehyung licked his sweet mustache off and nodded, clearly intrigued. “Yeah, hit me with it. You look like you need all the help that you can find.” 

You sighed, turning around on the couch so you were facing him — legs still against your chest. “Okay so… I went to his place...” 

“Yes…”

“And... we had dinner, talked for a bit.”

“How was the talk?” He asked. 

You shook your head, trying to kill the memories inside. “He didn’t let me say a word. He just went on and on about this new website he’s working on, and how expensive his wine glasses were.” You scoffed, angry at yourself for ignoring the clear red flags of an arrogant douchebag. That was what the desperate need for immediate human connection could do to someone, you thought. “Apparently it’s supposed to be the next Facebook or something. Or twitter. I honestly wasn’t paying much attention.”

He chuckled. “Starting off strong.” 

“That wasn’t even the main issue,” you said, lowering your forehead so it was touching your knees. You just wanted the world to end at that moment, so you wouldn’t have to go through those experiences again. “After that, we sat on his couch and started watching a movie. And you know how that goes, we started kissing, he pushed me down and got on top of me…”

“And?” He instigated. 

With a sigh, you raised your head, meeting your friend’s gaze. Taehyung thought he had never seen you look so dead inside. And he had seen a lot from you. “And he humped like… my lower abdomen for about three minutes and came in his pants.”

Taehyung cringed visibly, taking one hand to cover his mouth. “Oh, man. That’s bad.” 

You nodded, strangely relieved at his reaction. Part of you was worried that you were the evil witch in that scenario, that maybe you had done something wrong. “The worst,” you agreed. “Wanna know what else?”

“What? There’s more?”

“He didn’t even ask me if I was satisfied with whatever the hell that was.” You told him, bitterness dripping from your tongue. In the grand scheme of things, that was something silly to get mad over, but the fact that your date didn’t even have the guts to ask if you had gotten something out of that was ridiculous. “Not that I could possibly be. But it’s like he didn’t care and I was just a pillow for him to hump like a… sexually repressed religious teen, I don’t know.”

Taehyung only nodded, realizing that there wasn’t much that he could say to fix the situation. “Was he a good kisser at least?”

You sneered. “I think he was trying to crush my face with his.” You glanced at your friend, only half of his face bathed by the yellow and orange shades coming from the television. Maybe a documentary about ancient history and alien expeditions wouldn’t be so bad. Worst case scenario, it would knock you out, and you wouldn’t have to think about that mess anytime soon. “Also, too much tongue, just… the amount of saliva…”

“Got it. You can stop there.” Taehyung raised one hand, his eyes closing for a second. His palm lowered and met one of your knees, standing there in a silent attempt at consolation. “I’m sorry about your terrible date experience, dude.” 

“If you could even call it that.” You ran one hand through your hair, suddenly overtaken by a wave of anger. “God! I was just… so… ugh! Like… ughhhh!!” 

Taehyung, bless his heart, sometimes couldn’t understand the random neanderthal sounds you threw his way. “So... what?”

At last, your makeshift protection came crumbling down, and you collapsed on the couch dramatically, legs dangling off the edge. Taehyung thought that you were being possessed for exactly two seconds before you started talking again. “I did a full body shave for this night, Taehyung. Do you realize what that means?” His lips fell open, but, before he had the chance to answer, you continued. “It means that I really wanted to get railed tonight. Actually, I wanted to find a guy who actually knew what he was doing for once in my life.”

Taehyung chuckled, trying to disperse the tension in the room. “Come on, the dating pool can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, it’s bad,” you said. 

He wasn’t giving up that fast. “How bad?”

You raised your head to look him dead in the eyes, a silent threat, before finally uttering, “Try no-man-has-ever-made-me-cum bad,” and crashing your head back against the sofa. 

If you weren’t so hyper-focused on your own sexual melodrama, you would have noticed the thick silence that fell between the two of you, Taehyung’s face contorting into fifty different emotions within a few seconds. He thought that he had heard it all — from the secrets hidden in Machu Picchu to the obvious extraterrestrial influence on earthy religion — but no amount of bad documentaries could ever prepare him for that revelation. That didn’t make any sense. 

“Wait. Seriously?” He finally found his voice and managed to push his doubt out of his throat. “You’ve never had an orgasm before?”

You chuckled, humorless. “Oh no, I’ve had plenty of those. Just not from another person.” 

“How’s that possible?” he asked. 

“I ask myself that every single day.” You sighed, forcing yourself to sit back up. Taehyung was staring at you like you had just grown two extra arms, and you wondered what an amazing sex life he must’ve had for that confession to get him so confused. “Guess I’m just really bad at picking partners, who knows.”

There was a soft grunt on your throat as you fixed your position on the couch, suddenly feeling the exhaustion of your entire day piling up at once. Your gaze mindlessly traveled to the TV — a big plasma monstrosity that Taehyung had bought compulsively during a Black Friday sale — looking at a white-bearded man pointing maniacally towards a specific, round-shaped hieroglyph. You didn’t even need to hit play to know that he was making it seem like it was an UFO, but curiosity got the best of you. 

“Can you pass me the remote?” You asked, pointing at the small device that laid beyond Taehyung’s body. “I kinda wanna see what—”

“I’ve made tons of girls have orgasms,” Taehyung interrupted, looking at you like he had just clicked out of a transe.  

You laughed at his monotone voice. “I’m happy for you, Tae.” You leaned over his legs so you could finally reach the remote. “That wasn’t a jab at your masculinity, I’m sure you’re a very caring partner, and I’m sure there’s tons of guys out there that—”

“I can make you cum too, if you want.”

You had just grabbed the small piece of plastic when his sentence hit you like a smack in the face, making you drop the remote back on the couch, eyes widening. “You… what?”

He suddenly broke eye contact, taking one hand to massage the back of his neck. “Did that sound as creepy as I think it did?”

“A bit, yeah.” You forced out a light chuckle, trying to break the ice. There was no sign of mockery in his voice, and you didn’t know how to react. You could not say that the offer wasn’t tempting (you’d be lying if you claimed that you didn’t think Taehyung was attractive), but his proposal was so oddly-placed that it sounded like a joke. “What are you talking about?”

Taehyung sighed, turning his head to look at the television. “I just think it’s really unfair that no one has ever made you cum before.” 

You smiled. “That’s very nice of you, but…”

“And I want to help you with that.” He looked back at you. Oh, he was being a hundred percent serious. There was no longer a single ounce of doubt in your mind. “We’re friends, it’s not gonna be weird. We’ve done similar stuff before.”

“We were a lot younger, though.” You didn’t know why your mouth suddenly felt so dry, your fight or flight response kicking at full strength. You could tell that Taehyung was also trying to convince himself about the strangeness of the situation. “It’s gonna be kind of weird, yeah.”

“Not if we don’t make it weird,” he threw back. Was it bad that you were actually considering it? Maybe it was the piled-up exhaustion combined with the years of sexual frustration, maybe you were finally out of your mind. But you were really considering it. “I don’t wanna pressure you, alright? Just making a friendly offer. If you don’t want it, that’s fine.” 

You kind of wanted it, though. There was too much accumulated libido inside you from years and years of unsatisfying partners, and you trusted Taehyung with your entire heart. It sounded like a safe enough bet: if all went to shit and it got too awkward, you two could just stop, no hard feelings. Besides, you knew that Taehyung cared about you, which was more than you could say about all your dates in the past couple years. 

And the more you stared at him, probably looking like a deer in the headlights, the more you grew soft under his presence. At once, you were hit with desires that you had never considered before: you wanted to kiss those soft lips, wanted to know how his large hands would feel around you. You really, really wanted to know how it was to have a good sexual experience with someone, and you couldn’t think of a better candidate than your best friend. Even if you still thought it could be seen as a little bit weird. 

But you also kind of didn’t care. 

You licked your lips, finally finding your voice after a long moment of silence. “How… how would you do it?” 

Taehyung turned his head and looked at you, noticing the expectation in your eyes. “How would you want me to do it?” He asked. 

You tried to think, but your mind was completely blank. What did you want him to do? What did you like? Suddenly you weren’t sure about anything anymore. “I don’t know,” you admitted, glancing down. 

Taehyung smiled at your nervousness, one of his hands moving to your chin and tilting your head up. “How ‘bout I start by kissing you?” He questioned, gaze flickering to your parted lips. “Is that alright?” 

There were no words in your throat, so you simply nodded, closing your eyes as he leaned in. 

Taehyung’s mouth tasted of vanilla and you thought, even for a moment, that you were in paradise. The second that his tender lips met yours, your anxiety melted away, giving space to a newfound flame of desire. Taehyung kissed you softly, sensually, taking his time caressing your mouth and drowning in your heat. His hand moved to the back of your head, pressing you closer to him and leaning your head to the side so he could deepen the kiss. 

He sighed heavily into your mouth when your tongues met, his other hand moving to hold your waist. The position on the couch was kind of awkward for kissing, with the two of you sitting side by side, so it wasn’t an unwelcome surprise when Taehyung tugged you onto his lap, making you straddle him. 

The kiss was starting to get hungrier, messier, a small whimper dying in your mouth when his palms traveled down to cup your ass, pressing you down against his semi-hard cock. Taehyung sighed and groaned at the feeling of you on top of him, loving the way that your fingers played with his hair, your body so perfectly tight against his. If there was any hesitation before, it had completely vanished by that point. 

It caught you off guard when he suddenly broke off the kiss to ask you, “Do you like any pet names?”

You blinked, taken aback. “Hm? What?”

He placed a strand of your hair behind your ear. “You know, you want me to call you by something?”  

You realized that Taehyung was really taking that personal service to a different level, and you couldn’t say that you were let down by it. If any of your past partners had the dignity to ask what you liked, you wouldn’t be in that position in the first place. “I… like being called ‘baby’,” you told him. 

Taehyung smiled. “That’s cute. Baby it is.” 

Before you had a chance to respond, Taehyung’s lips were back on yours, a dreamy sigh leaving his mouth as your tongues met once again. Only a few seconds passed before he shifted his weight to lay you down, never breaking the kiss as he positioned himself between your legs, hovering over you. Taehyung started trailing a path of kisses down your neck, his large hands slithering beneath your oversized shirt and caressing the skin of your stomach. 

“Can I take this off?” He asked, tugging at your shirt. 

You agreed and, within a heartbeat, that piece of clothing was already on the floor, and Taehyung was diving in to kiss the valley of your naked breasts. You moaned timidly when one of your nipples was wrapped by his lips, his tongue coming out to play with it. Taehyung’s other hand was occupied fondling your other breast, tugging and pressing down on it, and the sensations were taking over your mind. 

“You have great tits,” Taehyung mumbled against your skin, switching to mouth your other nipple. 

“I’m glad you like them,” you teased, playing with the hair on the nape of his neck. You were letting out these cute little whimpers that were making him lose his mind. “Feels really good.” 

“Yeah?” He asked, moving back to kiss his way up your neck. His tongue was hot and heavy as it danced on your skin, and you knew that those sucks he was giving you were surely gonna leave a few marks on your flesh. But you didn’t really care. “Gonna make you feel even better, baby.” 

Your eyes fluttered shut at the pet name — it sounded heavenly when Taehyung used it with his deep, honeyed voice; his warm breath hitting your neck as he continued with his ministrations. 

He kissed his way to your cheek, placing a small pec on your lips before saying, “Can you do something for me?”

You nodded. “What is it?” 

Instead of responding right away, Taehyung’s gaze fell to your lips, and he was once again attacking them. That time, you weren’t able to hold back the whimper that you let out, your panties already glued against your core with how much he was turning you on. 

One of his hands had trailed down your exposed abdomen, teasingly playing with the hem of your shorts. You held your breath when he tugged them down, bringing your underwear with it and throwing them somewhere in the living room. Taehyung grunted loudly when his fingers slipped past your folds, digging into your heat. His brain almost short-circuited because of how wet you were. 

He broke the kiss and looked you deep in the eyes. “I want you to sit on my face, baby,” he said, and his request shot straight to your core. “Let me take care of you, okay?” 

“Are you sure?” You asked. You had never done that before.

But Taehyung wasn’t sharing your reluctance. “Yeah,” he said, voice hoarse and eyes darkened. “Wanna taste you so bad. Sit on my face, please.” 

And you didn’t need any more convincing than that. Taehyung helped you get up from the couch so he could reposition himself on it, laying flat on his back and watching as you settled yourself above him, thighs on either side of his head. The couch was the exact size for that, a little smaller and you’d have one leg dangling off the edge.

Taehyung took his hands to your thighs, running them up to your hips. His eyes were focused on your pussy, and you never felt so exposed when he started pressing you down lightly, guiding you closer to his mouth. 

You held the back of the couch for support and did as he requested, lowering yourself until Taehyung had you flat on his tongue. Your breath trembled and caught in your throat when he licked a thick stripe from your entrance to your clit, humming around the taste before doing it again. Taehyung was an expert at erasing your worries because, with a few more licks, he had you fully losing yourself in his sinful ministrations. 

It wasn’t long until you were whining out his name, your folds lazily dragging against his tongue as you started to grind on his face. “God, Taehyung!” You called out, hand coming down to tug at his hair. Taehyung grunted in satisfaction, the vibrations of his deep voice sending shockwaves through your pussy. “That’s… that’s really nice. You’re really good at this.” 

He moaned in response, closing his eyes at your words. Taehyung was eating you out like his mouth was made for it, like he was starving for your taste and you were all that he could think about. He licked you from your entrance to your clit, playing with your sensitive spots and enjoying the tremors of pleasure that ran through your thighs, his hands locked tight around your hips. You sobbed and cried over him, making special effort to keep your legs steady as you rocked yourself on his tongue. 

It was only when he decided to suck on your clit that you realized how absurdly close you were. You clenched your teeth and whined out, yanking his hair harder. “Do that again, please,” you asked and Taehyung, like the good friend that he was, was quick to comply. Taehyung wrapped his mouth around your clit in a way that had you trembling over him, licking and sucking on your sensitive nub like his life depended on it. “Fuck, that’s so good, Tae. Feels so good…” 

He moaned again, more desperate this time, and some part of your mind understood the pattern that he was presenting you: Taehyung really, really liked your compliments. And you had no problem giving away any more of them. 

“You’re licking me so well, Tae, you’re gonna make me cum like this,” you told him,  meaning every word you said. Taehyung was a Greek god beneath you, staring up at you with those dark, focused eyes as if he dared you to cum on his tongue. “God! You’re so good for me.”

And then your praises ran thin, because your mind was gravitating somewhere else — seeking for the high that was dangerously close. It was only when Taehyung started toying with your entrance, brushing two of his fingers on it, that you came undone, crying out his name like it was a personal prayer. 

There was a smirk on your mouth as you came down, a flooding relief that overtook you. You never thought that you could come so hard in your life, especially when it depended on another person, and you were so, so happy to be wrong that you could cry. 

With shaky legs, you removed yourself from Taehyung’s face, straddling his lap and watching as his lips glistened with your arousal. His pink tongue came out to lick them, a hum on his throat as he took in your fucked-out expression. 

“You did so well, baby,” he said, placing one of his hands on your waist. “Come here.” 

Obedient, you leaned in and sighed as his mouth met yours. This time, Taehyung didn’t wait to eagerly insert his tongue inside your mouth, making you taste yourself on him. 

He pulled away leisurely, his voice hoarse. “Can you taste how sweet you are?” He asked. “I loved making you cum on my tongue, baby. You looked so pretty.” 

Taehyung breathed out, planting kisses on your neck, one hand trailing down to squeeze your ass. You whined at his tight grip and pressed yourself down on him, feeling his hard cock poking out against the fabric of his sweats. 

Taehyung groaned at the stimulation, pressing down on your asscheek again. You rolled your hips on top of him, wincing in sensitivity as his member brushed your clit. “Loved your pussy so much, baby,” he continued, sounding like he was lost in a daydream, “I can’t wait to be inside you. Bet you’d be so tight for my cock, hm?” 

“Yeah,” you managed to speak. Even if you had just reached your orgasm, you were still aching to feel something inside you. You wanted Taehyung more than you could understand. “I want you to fuck me, Tae, please.” 

He breathed out, his hands tightening around your flesh as you rolled your pussy against his cock once again. Taehyung looked like he was one heartbeat away from completely losing his self control, and hearing you beg for him to fuck you wasn’t doing him any favors. “Gonna need to lie down for me, baby,” he asked. 

With a few more shifts on the couch, Taehyung had you beneath him once again, your legs open for him as he removed his shirt and pants. It wasn’t long before his cock sprung free from its confinement, standing erect. You licked your lips at the lustful sight, pussy clenching in anticipation as you took him in — Taehyung was big. Bigger than anyone you’ve ever had, that’s for sure; long and thick and already leaking for you. 

You would’ve cried out in need if he didn’t interrupt you. “What are you looking at?” Taehyung asked, the ghost of a smile creeping up on his lips. 

Your stare oscillated toward his own. “That’s why you have such a good track record, your cock is huge.” You bit your lip, thinking about how good he would feel inside you. You didn’t know how it was possible, but you were pretty sure the last time you’ve seen his cock — back in the dark ages of your freshman year of college — it wasn’t as big as that. Or maybe you just didn’t have anything to compare it to. 

“Hey, I just used my tongue on you, don’t ignore my efforts,” Taehyung teased, wrapping one of his hands around his member so he could pump himself a few times. The playful atmosphere swiftly shifted back, and, when he spoke up again, his voice was deeper. “You think you can take it?” 

“Yeah, I can,” you said. You couldn’t be sure, but you were sure going to try. 

Taehyung hummed, moving a bit closer so he could brush his tip against your pussy, coating it with your wetness. You closed your eyes in expectation, knowing that you’d love the stretch he would give you. 

“You want it?” He asked, a touch of desperation covering his words. Taehyung was nearing his breaking point, and the fluttering of your pussy on his cock was making him go insane. “Want my cock inside your tight little cunt, baby?” 

You nodded, frantic. The brushing of his thick tip on your hole was becoming too much, your walls clenching around nothing, seeking for something to fill you up. “Yes, fuck, I want it so bad.” 

“Are you tight for me, baby?” He was trying to prolong that moment for as much as he could, keep the pretty face you made when you pleaded for him to fuck you burned in the back of his head. Making you cum once was a victory he would take forever, but making you cum around his cock might as well be his life’s biggest achievement. “Ready for me to fuck you?” 

You cried out when he started pressing himself inside you, guiding his crown inside your pussy, then stopping. “Yes, Tae, just put it all in, please,” you whined, hands fumbling for support on his broad shoulders. Taehyung already had you clenching around nothing, you didn’t know what else he wanted from you. “Please, please, fuck me.” 

Taehyung chuckled, looking down at where you two met. He was only human, and his self control was short lived. “Since you asked so nicely…” 

Your back arched off the sofa as you felt the delicious drag of his large cock inside you, opening you up gradually, taking its time before filling you up to the brim. You gasped and sobbed at the overwhelming feeling, nails digging on the skin of his back as Taehyung groaned besides your ear. 

“Fuck, that’s so good.” He let out a shaky breath, and you swore you never heard his voice get so husky before. “I just slipped right in. You’re so fucking wet.” 

Your mind was an apocalypse of confused thoughts and forgotten exclamations, eyes fluttering shut as you dove into the sensation of Taehyung inside you — his hips angling backwards, tilting up just enough so he could move himself away from you core, only to come slamming back inside. The stretch of his cock was amazing, it was making you drunk, and all that you could think about was how much pleasure it was giving you. 

“So-So big—“ you muttered, half aware that the words actually left your lips. 

“How do you like it, uh?” Taehyung asked, his voice dripping sin and hunger. You could tell that he, too, was getting carried away by the feeling, his hips rutting themselves against you at a lazy pace. “Gonna give it to you any way you want it, baby.” 

You bit your lip, a small moan leaving your mouth when Taehyung leaned closer to you, distributing hot kisses on your neck. You swore you’d be happy if you died then. “I like it rough,” you answered. 

He groaned, apparently satisfied with your response. “Whatever you want.” 

Taehyung got to his knees on the couch, deciding to put one foot on the ground for support, his hands raising your hips to help him reach even deeper inside you. Faster than your brain could compute, the shallow, lazy pace he had sat was being replaced with a harsh, fast pumping that made you cry out his name, eyes closing in sheer bliss. 

“Tae! Yes, yes, just like that,” you sobbed, running one hand through your hair. You felt like your body was floating, every cell of your body overheating with the amazing pleasure that Taehyung was giving you. You never had someone fucking you so hard, his cock pistoning inside you, your body bobbing up and down on the couch. 

Taehyung’s eyes were glued to the bouncing of your breasts as he continued to fuck you, a deep groan leaving his chest. “That’s it, take it,” he moaned out, quickening his pace even more. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, mouth opening in a silent scream.  “Gonna make you cum so hard around my cock, baby. Gonna fuck you until you cry. Want that?” 

“Yes, yes, please,” you moaned. “Feels so good, Tae.” 

“You like my cock, baby? Like it filling you up?” He asked and you could only nod pathetically, your entire body too fucked out to even respond. “F-fuck, your pussy is so good. Tell me that you love my cock.” 

“I love your cock,” you whined, feeling like a complete hot mess under his thrusts. “I — fuck! — I love your cock so much, Tae, it’s so big.” 

Your words motivated him to fuck you even harder, his member hitting even deeper inside you. Taehyung was getting lost in the stretch of your pussy around him, the glorious sounds you were making, the lust that coated your face every time you called out his name. 

“Shit, I don’t know how anyone could look at you like this and not want to see that pretty face cum.” He was breathing out hard, grunting every time your cunt tightened around him. Taehyung wanted to see you like that forever, taking his cock like a good girl, creaming all over him and begging to do it again. You were wrapping around him so perfectly, taking all of him so well, that he didn’t think he’d manage to move on from that anytime soon. “So fucking hot.”

Taehyung chased after your high like a starving man looking for food, experimentally changing the angle and force of his thrusts to see what would get the best reaction out of you. At last, after a pathetically loud cry from your part after he raised your legs up, it seemed as if he had found it. “I bet you’d be so tight cumming around my cock, baby,” he was thinking out loud at that point, trying to make sense of the pretty sounds and expressions you were giving him so eagerly. He wanted nothing more than to see you cum — it was personal at that point. “I wanna feel you cum around me, baby. Wanna feel it so bad.” 

“I’m c-close.” Your nails dug into his shoulders, eyes closing tightly. There was a light heat in your cheeks and sweat on your forehead that was making Taehyung wonder if you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. “You’re so good, T-Tae, you’re fucking me so well…” 

Taehyung thought that he could cum right then and there, pushed over the edge with those sweet words alone. He loved being good to you, loved making you feel things that no one else managed to before. He was intoxicated by that sense of superiority, drowning in your praise. He wished that he could fuck you forever. 

“Cream my cock, baby, come on,” he pushed you on, his words hanging somewhere between an order and a breathless plea. You were getting so tight around him that it was making him crazy, your wetness coating his cock and dripping down between your legs like his own personal brand of aphrodisiac. “You can do it, come on. I wanna see you cum so bad.” 

You smiled at him, a cute, fucked-out smirk that made Taehyung go to heaven and back. “So good for me, Tae, you’re so big,” you said, your voice so needy and high-pitched. Your orgasm was looming over you, pressing down on your lower body and making you see stars. It was only a matter of time before Taehyung got you crying out his name, back arching off the couch and mouth falling open in delirium. “Tae! Fuck! Don’t stop, please, I’m gonna—“ 

But your warning came a second too late, because you were already spasming around his length, body shaking as Taehyung thrusted hard inside you. Just as expected, you were absolutely fucking gorgeous when you came — all quivering lips and rolling eyes —, and Taehyung was beyond satisfied to know that he was the only one who saw that pretty face of yours. 

“That’s it, baby, fuck.” Taehyung was starting to feel his own high approaching, called by the delicious tightening and releasing of your pussy around him. His thrusts were messy and harsh; his sweaty hair falling over his eyes like a cascade. “Can I cum inside you, baby? Can I fuck you full of my cum?”

You noticed the desperation in his tone and, with the throbbing of his member inside you, you knew that he wasn’t far. “Yes, please,” you said. “You were so good for me, Tae, you can cum wherever you want.” 

And it was that final taste of praise that pushed Taehyung over his limit; waves upon waves of cum filling you up as he rode out his high. “God— fuck!” He cried out, drunk on the feeling of your walls milking the last drops of cum out of his cock. A few lazy pumps later, and he was collapsing on top of you with a mumbled, “F-Fuck.” 

There was an instant of silence after his orgasm, the quietude only filled by Taehyung’s heavy breathing. You took one hand to his head, caressing the strands as a smile blossomed on your lips. “Well, I believe you now,” you said playfully. “I’m sure you made a bunch of girls orgasm.” 

Taehyung chuckled, breathless. “Thank you, I try,” he said, looking up at you. The darkness in his gaze was gone, and it was just your best friend staring back at you. “You alright?”

“I’m great,” you admitted. You never felt so good in your life. “You?”

“Fantastic, thanks for asking.” He leaned back so he could sit up, running one hand through his disheveled hair before saying, “I’m gonna grab you a towel, hang on.” 

Taehyung left you for a couple minutes before coming back to clean you up, tenderly wiping away the mess you two had created. After he was done, he discarded the towel on the floor and crawled back to rest on your chest once again. 

There was a comforting quietude that floated in the atmosphere, only filled by the muffled buzzing of his freezer and the vague sound of raindrops drumming on the window. You didn’t really know how to deal with that entire situation, didn’t know how things would stay between the two of you. But, at that point, you made the decision to keep those worries for the following morning and, instead, just enjoy his warmth radiating all around you. 

The glorious silence, at last, was broken when Taehyung started mumbling against your breasts.  “Hey, ___?” He called. 

“Yeah?”

“How many dates have you been on?”

You hummed, thinking for a moment. “Ever?”

Taehyung made a clicking sound with his tongue. “I don’t know, like, this past year.”

“Uh… like… five or six? I think?” You answered, looking down to meet his gaze. You knew that wicked expression very well. “Why?”

He smiled. “Because we have a lot of shitty dates to make up for.”

[poolsidescientist]

How I Almost Became an Evangelical

I’m not American but as someone who a) watches the news b) knows people in the US and c) is capable of basic compassion the Roe v. Wade overturning is deeply disturbing. The American Supreme Court has six members responsible for (including other rulings such as preventing gun control, etc.) more loss of life than even the most prolific of serial killers. And it only feels like the beginning of the hard-fought rights they hope to overturn. They’re able to do this because the right, especially Evangelicals have fought for it so hard for so long. I’ll never forgot how I almost became one of them.

Unlike many, I wasn’t born into an Evangelical family. I actually have an interfaith background (half-Jewish and half Christian). I had family on both sides but only a handful of them were in any way reliable and/or in the area. Both my parents were treated kinda terribly by their siblings and we didn't really have a religious or ethnic community aside from a few family friends and my grandparents. My dad’s family was Jewish but not religious and we spent the Jewish holidays with a few family friends but the few times I went to the synagogue I found it stifling (I hated the whole women sitting in a separate box thing) and because my mom wasn’t Jewish I wasn’t really part of that community unless I went out of the way to convert which kid me, was not really into. My mom’s parents never really went to church. We had our ethnic Christian traditions but weren’t Protestant or Catholic like all the other Christians around me. I wasn’t the right kind of white person. I learned this early on. I also learned to tic whichever box on the Protestant/Catholic form that the people around me valued most.

When I was around 8-9 my mom and I started going to church. It was pretty liberal and accepting and honestly, that aspect of it was great. I really wanted to learn about Christianity and connect with people, especially as I grew into a teenager. People were nice but nobody really cared and again, I felt like I was the wrong kind of person. I tried to get involved and tried really hard to find a way for them to value me. It was a brick wall. By my teen years there were several serious illnesses in my family and a lot of instability. I desperately needed support and thankfully I had a few nice neighbours but overall it was empty. I was there physically but with all the other stresses in my life I was a mess. I was a good student, I worked hard in my extracurriculars and to help my family out but it was never enough.

I think I was 15 when I ended up going to some Evangelical convention for some reason. It was silly, ideologically a bit empty but I remember doing something I had yet to do at a church before. Make friends. So, I ended up going to my friend’s church and youth group. It was in the area and I didn’t know anyone. I had no baggage and honestly, the youth group was great and part of me is forever thankful for it. I learned that I could be funny, and charming, and outgoing. I got to be a teenager. I didn’t have to perform or prove I deserved to be there. It was one of the few places in my life I actually let myself have fun. And I wasn’t alone. I made friends with my friends parents, we shared jokes and baked goods. When my mom was late as she always was picking me up one of the youth group leaders would stay and chat with me. I did activities at my other church and I spent a lot of time alone in the parking lot. Here, I wasn’t left out in the cold. I wasn’t left out at all. 

I would go to that church and sometimes it would be amazing sermons but other times there would be homophobic or anti-abortion/sex education rants. A roll of the dice. But at the same time people would make sure I was okay or bring food if my dad was in the hospital. Everything they stood for was against my values, but they loved me whereas the good people with the good values didn’t. Maybe I didn’t deserve the love of good people and this was all I could ever hope for. This was the community I could get. I loved them. And in spite of everything, a part of me will always kinda love them. 

One of my youth group leaders, the one who waited for my mom with me, died on my 20th birthday. I still think of him sometimes. The funeral made me sick. It wasn’t about him. It was an infomercial about becoming an Evangelical. I’m surprised it wasn’t a hotline. I think that was the first big crack in my thinking that caused me to reevaluate my life. I loved the church enough to live with but not die for. But on and off I came and went from both places. A year later my father died. The good liberal people came to the funeral but the Evangelicals were the ones who really showed up. In spite of everything I could still talk to them. The next few years were back and forth. I tried a new church on for size. I finished my bachelor’s degree. I job hunted. Everything was back and forth. I did a Master’s degree. I made friends in all the places. I couldn’t commit but I couldn’t let go. Somehow I’ve learned enough diplomacy to have everyone like me but nobody be too attached to me. I’ve kept their politics from being my problem. If someone had fallen in love with me I would have stayed and never looked back. 

I think the turning point was getting into my current field of study as a PhD student. At this point being an Evangelical is bad for my career but honestly, it’s more than that. I’ve made friends from so many different backgrounds. They are filled with their own loves and fears and hopes and dreams and I cannot commit to a community which sees them as less than human. They deserve better, not just because I love them but because they are people. I also have enough education, enough social support, enough of a career potential that I can step forward. I’m still a Christian, I still believe in God but I can do better. I have to do better. I know now that I can.

So, you might be at the end of this novel asking what this has to do with Roe v. Wade and the Evangelical right? Well, the thing is, they’re successful because they let people in. At least in my experience, and I’m not speaking for anyone else, my experiences probably aren’t anywhere near universal and I have my share of privilege, they want you to be one of them. With those churches I didn’t hit the brick wall of not having the right family or right ethnic background or was good enough to deserve love and support. No. They encouraged me to join in their beliefs and share their community. They called and brought food and listened and put effort into raising their youth. The Evangelical right, cruel as they are support their community. If you don’t take care of people’s basic material and social needs nothing you have to say matters in the end. And they know this. And they are consistent. If hadn’t gotten into grad school, or had someone fall in love with me, or I was just a little more vulnerable I would never have left. And there’s always someone just a little more vulnerable.