#holy shit im having the time of my life
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the 锦衣之下 fic is actually fucking lit on lofter fr i am livingggggggggg
#but fuck is it hard to locate any . 🚗. like. the moment that stuff comes out#it's detective time to try to find the chapter sequence sometimes its on ao3 soemtimes its not!#holy shit im having the time of my life#锦衣之下#under the power#ponz.txt#late to the party but the fics are still up thankkk#the lofter ads are killing me tho
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Whale fall.
#bart#ishmael limbus company#limbus company#ishmael lcb#i am reading moby dick can yall tell. im having the time of my life#i have a lot of thoughts and a lot of words#i like thinking in the concept of like how the sea is accepting of all. of the wretched and kind#how it it bottomless even for the most holy#IDK THOUGH I'LL THINK OF IT MORE LOL#but a lot of things can be done with ishmael#not a lost was explained within canto five and i will dig to my hearts content and make up heinous shit#i just love doing my own world building and making shit insane idk though
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been binging tf outa Avatar the last airbender bc ive been puking my EVERLOVIN guts out since yesterday and hear me out
#remy would probably get cool weapons or somethin but honey im so sorry it would be the reality#sk8 squad#ollie#ponti#oscar#abio#kari#vinny#remy#im Just Now feeling like the worst is over but holy fuck talk about misery#and i Have to go to work tomorrow anyway since i had to call bc today was supposed to be the recovery day but nOOO body said fuck u#cause this is like the 3rd time this has happened this year alone like i refuse to believe its just a bunch of food poisoning instances???#i been eating the same for years and i know my immune systems been shot ever since covid but that was 4 years ago now somethin aint right#pray for my downstairs neighbors they had to hear me fighting for my life every 30 minutes PFFFT EEUUUAAGHGG HUFF HUFF HUFF yeah#although i will say all this shit has really toned down my emetophobia now everytime i gotta puke i just let out a long disappointed sigh#but goddamn still brutal tho
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How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable
there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??
a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!
i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.
i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-
hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.
the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.
#and yes#before you ask#i have forgotten which account has which items/has done which content many a time#i think the most painful incident was forgetting to keep up the scoundrel's making waves while i was still playing nemesis with caeru#given that im trying to build it up to 12 and reset their specialization... that was uniquely painful#then again they have like 40 BDR so it wasnt actually that inconveniencing lmao#fallen london#ask#long post#sorry for the infodump + sudden villain monologue.#all jokes and personal accounts aside i totally get the apprehension abt doing that stuff again#it's not for everyone. not by a long shot.#im only doing this because im genuinely invested and in love with this silly little browser game#and way back when i started i made a (only half metaphorical) solemn oath to experience all of its ''main stories''#and truly see everything it has to offer#(bc i like. physically cant do hyperfixations by halves. i need to consume Everything abt the thing or i'll explode)#(and even then i'll probably explode anyway. it's either completely drop it or go All In until it stops taking up so much space in my brain#(and. given the track record. that is not happening with FL for a while yet)#but like. that isnt actually normal behavior. just. just to clarify.#from what ive seen a VAST majority of people do not go out of their way to play literally every ambition#and that is so valid. it is so overwhelming. you have to juggle so much.#you have to play the earlygame So Many Goddamn Times.#(as i said. served my time. did my sentence. i am my scars. etc etc)#the best advice i can give as someone who's so completely desensitized to that repetition it doesnt even phase me anymore?#the same advice i can stress to all FL players. legitimately just take ur time with it. play when you want to.#dont when you dont.#sometimes you have to grit your teeth and bear things. and when it comes to alts you Will have to grit your teeth and bear it all again#but the beauty of this being a game that one plays for fun is that unlike. say. crushing deadlines or annoying coworkers in real life#you are completely within your power to decide when where and if you want to grit and bear it all#..wow this is ADVANCED yin rambling holy shit. i actually reached the tag limit. i think this ask should be put on some kind of list
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jay not asking coach about letting lonnie onto the team bc he doesn’t want to do anything coach might disagree with…….
#‘coach trusts me…’ like what if i cried#man i wish they made more of a thing of jay being TEAM CAPTAIN#<- i’ve made a post before abt how easily he gives it up & jay not liking positions of power etc etc#but i do think he treats the role like it could be taken away at any moment#coach TRUSTS him. holy shit coach trusts him#the first positive adult figure in his life trusts him to take care of the team#train them and critique them and lead them to victory#and coach probably wouldn’t have cared abt lonnie being on the team#but jay is sooooo hesitant to ask#coming from the ‘if you want it take it and if you can’t take it break it’ guy#like this is the one thing he doesn’t want to risk breaking…….#and then obviously he gives it up!!!!!#he gives up the thing coach TRUSTED HIM WITH bc it was the only way to let lonnie on the team#& mr ‘my only dislike is women being unhappy’ was like I CANNOT REST UNTIL LONNIE IS ON THE TEAM#it’s suchhhhh a sweet gesture not only from a hashtag feminism standpoint#but also character wise for jay#like this precious thing that coach has trusted him with but didn’t really want that much anyway…..#it’s going to mean more to lonnie if she had it. even though it means everything to jay#oh it makes me crazy#damn my mum was right. i think too deeply about things#im like i analyse things a normal amount and then i’m writing essays about 1 line from descendants 2#I AM UNWELL#anyway. jesus christ#descendants#jay son of jafar#EDIT i’m not finished actually#do you think jay fears the repercussions? what would happen if he went against coach’s word?#bc sure. he knows coach is nice. he knows auradon isn’t like the isle#but. ‘you don’t want to be at my house at dinner time’…….#he is still scared of his dad. you know. he can never get the lamp he can never do anything right
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happy 2024 literally all ive done this year was work on altered lines so theres a lot of art fight in the general art one lol
(art fight ocs are owned by @indigo-constellation at the top right @awerzo at the mid left and @bohemianwalmart at the mid right)
#artists on tumblr#art#digital artist#yeah im happy i did altered lines#theres a lot of it i dont like#but way more i do like#and either way i got a shit ton of technical skill out of it like can you see those beautiful hands that was directly because of comic#also taught me better poses.... faces..... anatomy......#and holy fuck i have never had faster drawing time in my life i used to be slow as SHIT but now i can do a portrait sketch in like#15 minutes#that is extremely new
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vent
did not expect kissing and realizing i’m lowkey dating a guy to send me down an existential spiral of reminding me that i have only one life to live and then i am going to die without living any other different lives
#but i’ve been wasting time not exploring at all!!#doesn’t have to be a forever person it’s just an experience#but still#it’s really weird and idk!!!!#and if i date this guy fr i would have to like go on birth control probably and holy shit i do NOT want more medication#and what if i meet someone else?#i don’t exactly want to commit y’know???#but i’m halfway through my twenties and i don’t know how much time i actually have and if i think about it too long i hyperventilate#which WOULDN’T HAPPEN if i was just continuing on with being safe and alone!!#and what about women?? i love women!#but when i really love something or someone i go crazy about it#i lose myself#so maybe realistic and neutral is better?#am i neutral?#i don’t fucking know and my friends for the most part aren’t quite grasping what i’m trying to say#like yes i overthink and yes it might not be that deep to anyone else including the guy#but it NEEDS to be that deep. to me.#because that’s how my brain fucking works.#i don’t take shit lightly and i never have#that’s why i’m better off alone#or with people who are also deeply unchill#but this guy is so chill! and it does make me feel comfortable!#but it’s also like bro is this conversion therapy am i conversion therapying myself?#my entire identity for more than a decade has been based off being single and independent#and the lapses in that are times in my life that i see myself as unambiguously pathetic and embarassing#with men and women#i feel like a fucking unsocialized semiferal cat that wants affection but also doesn’t know how to accept it#and do i even want it? or is it want i know i should want or what would be good for me so im just slowly forcing myself into it?#it’s so much easier. so much simpler. to not have to freak out about this stuff.#sorry for venting i know it’s annoying it’s just fuck man…
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you guys i love college so much
#i hate assignments.#BUT LIKE HOLY SHIT I THANK GOD EVERY DAY THAT IM NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL#im an adult who is alive and has a life and does things as an adult and gets treated as an adult and i get to pick my own classes and#i can buy myself things if i want to.... and im active in my club and we're going to travel to another school to compete#I GET TO TRAVEL TO ANOTHER SCHOOL TO COMPETE AND HAVE A TEAM BONDING THING AND DO LONG ROAD TRIPS ABOUT IT#AND MY SPORT OF CHOICE IS LITERALLY LYING#IM IN MOCK TRIAL CLUB AS A WITNESS. I SIT AROUND COMFORTABLY AND WATCH THE LAWYERS DO THEIR THING AND THEN I SOUND SYMPATHETIC ON STAND#ITS SO#it's really fun.#and also i get along with my siblings so much better now that i dont live with them#im not getting mad at my sister all the time just because she Makes Sounds. im not getting annoyed with my brother for being argumentative#we just. hang out.#(frequently lmao)#and my mom and i keep going out to eat#and i visit my dad for lunch most weeks#and we all HANG OUT#and . fuck. i love life#and being an adult who gets to live it#and COLLEGE#next semester im going to take a couese on Detective Fiction#and probably get a job or internship to fuel my spending addiction 🤑💰#💸!!!#* AND MY SLEEP SCHEDULE. WOW. FUCK. ITS ALL UP TO ME#AND I DONT HAVE TO GET UP EARLY EVERY MORNING#AAAAAA#my grades aren't fantastic. right. i know they're not. but im not failing any classes. and i get along w my professors.#i like econ a lot more than i expected to
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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Not to sound batshit crazy but I graduated college in December 2018 at age 21 which immediately led into a year and a half of the deepest darkest depression I’ve ever experienced as I was separated from ALL of my closest friends (who were still finishing school across wildly different states) and moved back home as I was still struggling to figure out what to do with my life and eventually working a terrible but demanding retail, used bookstore job for $13/hr (worst experience of my life tbh) WHILST holding a double bachelors degree to Covid hitting in 2020 and being furloughed from said job and living off unemployment checks while still miserable and not seeing my extended family, to my Grandma (the most amazing woman ever ever rip) dying of cancer in Nov 2021 to my mom being diagnosed with rare stage 4 bile duct cancer in March 2022 to being one of her main caretakers for the last two years to now all of a sudden being 27 going on 28 still living at home caring for my dying mom in hospice and fearing I’ve wasted my youth and I just…. First of all I’m very proud of myself, in all honesty, for making it this far, because a couple times I didn’t think I was going to…and at the same time I feel like I’ve lost the entirety of my 20s to quarantine and shitty jobs and not making a living wage and grieving all the people I’m closest to which is. Really fucking shit!! Idk. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Life sucks and it’s also beautiful. I’m grateful to be able to log on to this stupid site and find a community of people who care about all the goofy things I care about. Love 2 u all.
#sorry to trauma dump on a random Thursday.#I simply…#when I think about it it is truly crazy#the last year id call a legitimately ‘good’ year is 2018#and even that was kind of iffy because I had a monumental best friend breakup#not un akin to Taylor and k*rlie k*oss#and when I list it all out it’s like ??? holy fucking SHIT?????#I survived all that!!!!#I feel like I’ve aged (and it shows) a decade. I look 30+ ☠️#like damn I’ve actually been through all that. that’s crazy!!#my 20s have been the WORST years of my life. and there’s this myth that they’re supposed to be the best.#self discovery? idk her. I don’t have time to unpack my own life.#idk where im going with this tbh. just. how have 6 years passed and how did i make it and etc.#ktp
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I was about to say that I'm going to feed you guys once a week bc I have a big thing to draw and I still have to not be kicked out of college....
But then I remembered that new life series sooner then I think......
Oh no....
#melousblahblah#im scared#im happy and all but holy shit my life is packed and now i have to also add this thing#bc i won't let it go GUYS I'M AUTISTIC I CAN'T GO BACK#ok silly fact that no one will see#but my therapist said that i don't have adhd or autism#and the same day i cried out of excitement bc i found life series wiki snd thry have all and everything summarised and organised#to be fair#that therapist said that people cant have adhd and autism at the same time and specially cant have depression#imagine lmao#sorry for this little rant#i mean#its my blog so eh its alr ig#if i feel like i need to make a different personal one I'll do it one day#but not today#rn its everything so teehee <3
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beginning of life crisis
#getting a full time job will have you thinking about how holy SHIT dude how you spend your days is of course how you spend your life.......#what if im spending my days wrong. how do i spend them better. how do you figure this out!!!!!!#ramblings
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i would like to formally apologize to every other fic in my wip list atm. oscarfic has taken over and its all i can focus on. ._.
#MOSS IM STILL DOING YOUR JEALOUS ARTHUR IT'S HALF DONE#had a hard time focusing lately#i say lately i mean half my life#but#caspost#i finally have concrete ideas for p4 thanks to sunny holy SHIT
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i Need to take up embroidery now rIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#walmart didnt have a starter kit and hobby lobby is closed RRRRUHHUERHRHRRRR#i was always like i love it but its simply somebody elses thing my whole life until like 1 am last night my brain unlocked#the things i could make with practice and patience i need to seeeE CONSARNIT shit would be SOOO COOL#i want to just have fun with it and be jovially shitty at it for a while until i pick up on things#ive forgotten everything ive learned throughout my life when it comes to sewing & that of the like but i feel like itll click after a while#itll definitely be a lil side hobby bc holy FUCK i dont have time to really sit down and invest atm but still#maybe my small new years resolution is get better at embroidery and see my progress bc i lov that shit#plus when im like 60+ yrs old imagine what crazy shit i could do if i start now#ANYWAY ill get to those asks eventually theres some that i simply want to draw for but brother im sniper focused on getting this damn comic#done and DONE so i might have to answer them way later tbh unless its super easy and quick to answer imma have to put off asks cause im#hellbent the comic should be done by early february
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Hey guys guess who has an infected tooth and is DYING of pain lmao
#actually not lmao at all#like#heres the thing i went to the dentist for the first time in my life just like. three weeks ago#and he basically told me he'll have to send me somewhere else bc the tooth was too complicated (i think its called a root canal in english)#and ive been taking meds for the pain (ibuprofen to be exact) and holy shit i am Scared#like my biggest fear in life is being addicted to hard substances and i KNOW its stupid but im just scared#ive been taking them for like a week bc the pain was/is truly so uncomfortable and just horrible#and i cant go to an appointment bc my mom just went herself and shes dealing with mouh pain too. its just. not a fun time#but if anyone dealt with this before and could give me some home relief tips id be grateful#i washed my teeth like 4 times a day just today holy hell it hurts#vent#not dc
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sent scary email brain is now stewing with every single possible worst outcome that could possibly come of this im going to have a stroke
#don't kick me off the team don't kick me off the team don't kick me off the team junior year is hard#pls bro collegeboard is absolutely whack you have to sign up HELLA early for good SAT seats its not#my fault that they test like 6 times a year with limited fucking testing centers#i do have to volunteer too. and idk if its worth it but holy shit bro i need those hours and ffs its relevant to what im pursuing#or planning on pursuing#listen listen listen guard??? cannot be my whole life???????#mr guard director if you have a tumblr and see this somehow i swear im going to watch all the full ensemble videos#and memorise everything to the point of insanity#jeezos#moots what do u want im writing my final will and testament#do you want every orv post ive ever made ITS YOURS#ill buy a djungleskog and raffle it out specifically for the day i die which is soon atp#i am so cooked i am so cooked you guys its over it is krimpover#im going to forget anything ever happened im going to travel to the moon kiana kaslana style and stay there#theres no sports credit on the moon. theres no collegeboard on the moon. no. no responsibility. just moon#pls#PLSSS
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