#holy shit i’m not ever tagging all these fuckers again

[junewashere]

I think miraculous holders are different breeds/species of their miraculous. it’s more for fun design ideas but also individuality. this was an excuse to fornicate around with my favorite characters and see what they’d be.

Chat Noir- LaPerm, Oriental Shorthair, or Bombay. This boy is 100% pure bred standard

Ladybug- Coccinella Transversalis. It would have been one of the multiple spotted ladybugs but i wanted it to be a bit different

Rena Rouge- Itd be basic to say Red Fox but it makes sense, if i had to branch off though then it’d be a Sechuran Fox

Carapce- Spiny turtle or a Sea Turtle. I just think they’re cool

Queen Bee- Bombus Lucorum, pretty unitimidating and cute! i’m not sure if the queens have the white bottoms like the males do

Argos- Indian Peafowl 50% purebred! the rest is hatred.

Viperion- Blue Concinnus garter snake. they’re pretty docile and a bit of a loner!

Purple Tigress- Malayan Black Tiger, for the smaller size and extra black stripes

[bigmack2go]

(Ridiculous-)

-Things that i think the newsies would get cancelled for if it were modern era:

Crutchie

His name. He blew up in quarantine and only streamed gameplay and sat down. He only ever explained his name like,,, once or so and that was way back, the succes came slowly and so he never felt the need to explain it again. After a while some pointed out his name and i like,,, blew up! He was on the twitter trending page for a whole week! But he was only cancelled for a day or two(?) before he uploaded a video laughing tears. The mother fucker probably used it as clickbait on the preview banner pannel thingy (wtf are those called??) and in the title. I mena,,,, imagine!! “!SPEAKING UP about the recent ALLEGATIONS! (EMOTIONAL) (CW: CRYING)” and probably ant like “(real) (not fake!)(fuck clickbait)” or something. He would troll the shit out of social media for it

Ike

Probably like queerbaiting or some shit. Like he’ll go “holy shit, i’m so gay!” And people will go “I THOUGHT HE HAS A GF” and hotshot is just watching the whole thing, making fun of him for D A Y S while he’s cancled and she’s like “hOw dArE yOu bE bIsExUAl?!”

Hotshot

That exact thing i just said. Because she wasn’t including pan people, poly people and all the other sexuality’s when she was making that joke.

Race

Cheating. On Spot. (See also-> my spralbert fic) ofc he didn’t actually cheat but some people foubd and old clip of when he was still less known and didn’t know he would blow up like that and people pretend that poly people dont exist. He probably had a big thing and then he “cancelled them back” (his words not mine) or something like that.

Spot

For staying with Race even after he found out he “cheated”. People said he was only with Race for the money.

Albert

For being the person that Race “cheated” with

Jack

For saying “i wanna kiss you so bad right now” to a guy and apparently making fun of gay people with it. That shit was just like an hour or so tho at the highest.

Katherine

For her father lmao

York

Having a problematic mod. People say shit like he’s just ignoring that fact. But he legitimately just did not now. He wasn’t online for a solid two days and when he was it was to stream so he had to find out by chat, but he thought chat was joking and so one thing led to another and uh yeah. By the time hotshot called him asking why he was joking about that sort of stuff and he realised that it was true, the tag was already trending.

Romeo

Let’s be honest, the fucker prolly said something like “you’ find the right person eventually” or be like really penetrant like a Karen that refuses to acknowledge aro/ace people exist. But like for fun. Like,,, jokingly. This guy is literally aroace. It prolly went pretty much the same as for Crutchie.

Tommyboy

Cheating.(but like at a game) Come on lets be honest . This mf would have the whole dream sCaNdAl procedure and you know it. He acedentally cheated and then get death threats for it (which, just to be clear, even if dream had cheated is just— like,,, idek)

Myron

Tried to kill a pigeon once when he was like seven or something

Elmer

Being involved in a russian spying scandal or some shit. Dont even ask! The best prt is that this is the only one where the internet was being justified. Not only dod all the evidence ACTUALLY lead to him (and it wasn’t something little like cheating) butthe reason for that is that it was actually him. Now obv it wasn’t on purpose bla bla, someone put a wrong server adress or what-not idek but like,,,, it was fair for people to want to cancel him…

Buttons

Capitalism. He probably told someone they had to pay if they wanted him to make them a piece of cloth or whatever. (Obv this is exeragated. The internet is not actually that bad… mostly. And he probably did go about it a little worse and people probably didn’t actually cancel-cancel him as in like,, career threatening but yk. It was still a little ridiculous)

Davey

Defending church. He’s like “GUYS IM NOT EVEN A CHRISTIAN WTF!? Im just saying, let people believe what they wanna believe. unless that specific person uses their faith as an excuse to disrespect, discredit or discriminate you, they are not a bad person for their faith”

In case you’re wondering, this happened in the same context as-

-Jojo

Jojo told his coming-out-to-the-nuns story and how he wasn’t too scared (and some other stuff) and then people said that he was pretending the church never was problematic. (Ive never phrased a sentence to say less of what i meant than this one but im tired and i have the excuse that English isn’t my first language so gimme a break)

[agent-grey-fics]

Holy fucking shit I’m so annoyed with my ex. Like I had this on and off thing with a guy for almost 5 (!!) years, I know that I’m stupid for keeping it going for that long. Anyway, we kinda grew apart but kept in touch through socials and hooked up now and then. I was head over heels in love with him ‘cause my traumatic ass didn’t know any better. Fast forward to me finding the tiniest bit of self respect and banning him from my life for a solid 2 years during the pandemic, trying to move on. (Even explaining to him why I need him out of my life and he agreeing with me and saying I should have done it sooner ‘cause he treated me terribly. He did, believe me. All my friends actually hate him because he was awful to me and emotionally manipulated and abused me for so long. For example, he would often tell me that no one else would ever love me cause I wasn’t pretty enough, calling me a whore when he was high or drunk and stuff like that )

I had 2 good years of quarantining with my dorm mates, living life away from my hometown, then life slowly starts again and me and my friends (from my hometown) start to hang out and go to parties again. Surprise, I see him at those parties ‘cause my friends are kinda his friends. Well, we all went to high school together but they were originally my friends so yeah more his acquaintances. Me not wanting to be a bitch, I don’t make a big deal of it that he tags along and I’m being polite, giving him a small smile whenever he joins but keeping my distances.

He had send me follow/friend requests on fb and insta as well so I was like ‘yeah why not, we can be civil’. BUT then he fucking starts ignoring me at those parties whiles he stands next to me, like not reacting to my attempts to smalltalk, just giving me an off look and taking to the person next to me. Like dude, you literally walked up to our group and choose to stand next to me, if you don’t wanna talk to me go stand somewhere else?

Whiles he ignores me irl, he starts liking all my insta pics, commenting on my stories etc. My drunk ass one night send him a ‘you up’ text, big fucking mistake, he wasn’t in town btw so nothing happened but the whole night he kept texting me saying that he always loved me and that he just never knew how to show it and that changed for the better. Then he start texting me things like ‘we should date gain’, ‘let me take you out’, ‘let us try again’.Stuff like that and I know it’s my fucking fault cause I bootycalled him but I told him the day after like ‘I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair I’m not looking for anything else. Apologies, won’t happen again’. But he keeps asking me out and I keep declining ‘cause I don’t want to see him one on one. I wake up one morning a couple of days later to a notification on my phone that he deletete a bunch of text that he had sent me. And he texted ‘I said some vulnerable things that I don’t want you to use against me’ LIKE YOU SHITHEAD YOURE THE ONE WHO LITERALLY DID THAT FOR AS LONG AS WE WERE DOING WHATEVER WE WERE DOING. IM IN LITERAL THERAPY BECAUSE I DONT TRUST MEN ANYMORE BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID AND I WANTED TO BE DECENT AND NOT MEAN AND LET YOU IN MY LIFE AGAIN AND THEN YOU ACT LIKE A FUCKING BABY?

I was soooo mad back then. Anyway, couple of weeks pass by and he keeps reacting to my stories and asking questions. This leaves me all confused ‘cause I figured he was done since deleting all these texts. Me being done with his shit choose to ignore him.

Fast forward to last week, I noticed that I lost followers on my socials. Turns out that he unfollowed me, like big deal idc. But then I was wondering just a couple of minutes ago if he unfollowed me or blocked me, so I look for his name in my DM’s on insta AND THIS FUCKER DELETE ALL HIS TEXT SINCE I TURNED HIM DOWN. Like they were still there like a fucking week ago ‘cause he reacted to one of my stories again and I opened it and I remember seeing alle his DM’s.

I get so mad over this, like why you acting like this? I strongly believe that he’s dating someone, like good for him ‘cause we were toxic for each other. But stop acting like a child and like you’re the victim here whiles we both know what fucking happened.

And this whole rant sounds stupid and pathetic, I know that. But he was for real the first guy I ever loved, the only one actually. I even believed that when we both would graduate Uni and work a couple of years and mature that we would find our ways back to each other and end up getting married. I would have taken him back in a heartbeat if he got his act back together. But now he just makes my blood boil by acting so childish and deleting his text and oh my god ughhhh.

I know I’m as much at fault with this whole situation as he is and that ignoring him wasn’t right. But if I tell someone +3 times that I don’t want to date them and they keep trying and texting yeah sorry but then I won’t respond anymore.. but deleting your texts come one dude.

Sorry I just had to let this out.

[hellinglasses]

@blackberrywars my dear my darling I took a few days to reply cause I’m a certified Mess but by all means please Know I was ecstatic upon seeing this. welp, here it goes

10 fandoms, 10 characters, 10 tags

in no particular order of belovedness:

1. the witcher: it too is lambert. my ashdnoijskplfgeiotrsd. a sdbdiunfaodjpksapl, if you will. I want to wrap this baby in blankets even though he will probably bite my hand for the trouble I dared to inflict to him. I’ll cherish it when he does and then feed him ice cream.

2. our flag means death: it’s the angry little rat man for me. israel my beloved I want to give you head pats. I want to feed you soup. I want to drag you through horrible things and then surround you with Love, actually

3. the simarillion and holy hell what even to call this fandom assorted mess: maedhros. the first time I read from you my hear went sdugbuahjikoalbdsnmf and I have loved you ever since, even as canon whump you and yours so terribly and half the fandom will spit the dirt upon hearing your name. I wish I had it in me to actually write that fic to you.

4. good omens: aziraphale. I could never put into words how badly I love you and see myself on you, even as I don’t love all my parts I sure love yours. you’re kind, but aloof, loving but afraid, giving yet self-indulgent, feral but covered in just enough veneer one must work for it to perceive it, to perceive you. and of course, an entire bitch (affectionate)

5. clowntown: richie tozier, you utter shit, you desperate loud fucker. you passed me by when I first met you, a single line to my friends about how I liked the sweary one, but then, years later, fandom made me fall in love with you. I guard your insecurites as my own, but nonetheless your joy, found upon finally cherishing yourself amongst your found family of queer weirdos.

6. steven universe: pearl. you’re a powerhouse, sweetheart. I rember the days before the show progressed, how I used to think of this lowly servant who met the handsomest quartz soldier and how they fell in love and started a revolution hellbent in changing their world. a socialist revolution if you will, it was also the time I was just growing into my own and discovering that too. you still mean the world to me, beloved.

7. gravity falls: stan pines. I’m a mabel myself, and you’re still my favorite. you’re so full with love and loyalty, my darling, even as one must really look behind first sights. you’re entirely love, full to the bursting

8. scooby doo: daphne. for the longest time I couldn’t figure out whether I wanted to be you or gvdshabsnjikolpçfhdjioks. I would play pretend at being you before I had breakfast, tiny and dragging around bedsheets imagining it was the most incredible purple gown. I remember my mom telling me to just imagine, no need to make for more laundry.

9. hannibal: the primadonna himself. baby invented homoerotic muder as courting, being soft while covered in blood and also Pining, actually. random headcanon no one asked for but is getting anyway is that if they live or die after the cliff, that’s will’s choice to make. hannibal left alone for florence, and was miserable. let himself get caught because he couldn’t bear to leave without him again. he would be happy to just die by his side. after all, it’s beautiful.

10. the akallabeth (it’s not cheating if it can be found as a separate book, is it? bwejknqdiwjose): mairon. you might know him as sauron, an epithet meaning “the abhorred”, or even as gorthaur, “the cruel”. but that’s the name he gave himself, it means “admirable”, or even tar-mairon, meaning “king excellent”. babygirl has the range of the entire reputation album, as I sing along loudly to I did something bad and imagine it over and over as I picture the fall of numenor -- I never trust a narcisist, but they love me. can you imagine, arriving a despised prisioner, manipulating your way to giving counsel to the king, and then establishing yourself as the high priest of a religion in honor of your fallen husband? bitch is so messy and I am full of love.

well okay so I regularly talk to literally two people in this godforsaken site and one literally tagged me in this so I’m just gonna tag the other and then a bunch of beloved mutuals I keep seeing in my notes and hope they don’t mind me too badly so

@tediousdelusion, @soundfanatic, @marcato-meumew, @alllthequeenshorses, @sardonicsymphonic, 

[thefallennightmare]

Vas Prizrak-Sixteen

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader. Slight Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 2108

Warnings: swearing, some smut if I’m feeling frisky, tiny bits of fluff, and a whole lot of angst.

Summary:  Bucky and Reader’s life in Wakanda had been everything they ever wanted. But when they are told about the fight that was on it’s way to them, they fear that life would be dusted away for good.

A/N: This is a pretty long chapter so I had to write the final fight scene in two part! Also, I’ve been tossing the idea around that once this series is complete of writing some one shots every once in awhile showing how reader and Bucky have adjusted and what not post endgame life. 

TAGS: @mggpleasedontlookhere @grey-force-jedi @austynparksandpizza @lovelyladymayyy​ 

“Bucky?” I questioned for what felt the fifth time. 

Even if he was standing in front of me, in his flesh form, I still could believe or trust what I was seeing. I had been seeing him in my dreams, hearing his voice in my head, for so long. What made this time any different? 

What made it different, was when he stepped towards me and laced our fingers together. The coolness of his vibranium fingers brought so much life and light back into the darkness that had been my soul for the last five years. 

“It’s really you?” 

Bucky lifted my hand to his cheek, a silent way of telling me that he was in fact here. The hairs of his beard had tickled my palm while my fingers danced with the ends of his hair. The five years in the snap hadn’t changed him one bit, still looking devilishly handsome since our last morning together in Wakanda. 

I, however, had changed so much. I could see in the way his eyes drank in my appearance that he had so many questions. 

My body tingled with goosebumps, desire pooling deep within my core, and it clicked that I felt what Bucky had been feeling. So with silence between us, I slowly stood on my toes to reach his plump lips, smacking together with unforgotten ease. Bucky’s hands snaked around my waist, pulling me so close, heat radiating off of him. When my fingers sprawled on his chest, I could feel the warmth immediately. 

His tongue found its way into my mouth, exploring every crevice and dancing with my own. Bucky lifted me with ease, his vibranium arm underneath my ass, and when I locked my legs around him that was when we decided to pull away. Our foreheads rested against each other. 

“You’re back,” I sobbed, tears falling down my cheeks onto his face. 

He nodded, brushing away the tears. 

“I’m back, doll.” 

I kissed him again, slightly hungrier than the last one, wanting to savor his taste to memory. 

“Buck?” 

We both turned our heads towards Steve, who looked dumbfounded that it had worked. Our plan had worked. 

Reluctantly, I dropped to my feet allowing Bucky to give Steve a quick hug. 

“I hate to cut all of our reunions short but we’ve got a huge fight ahead of us.” 

Sam’s voice crackled in our coms 

“Believe it or not, I missed you too Sam,” I smirked. 

“What’s up, Marshmallow. New hair?” 

I realized that my hair was still flaming around my head. Ignoring Sam’s comment, I gave Bucky my full attention once again. The smile that played on his face brought immediate guilt, however, when I saw Steve standing behind Bucky. 

“Bucky, I-.” 

Steve stepped between us, knowing what I was going to confess. 

“Later.” 

Suddenly, Thanos’ army screamed with the want to fight and kill, bringing me back to the reality that lay in front of us. So as I laced fingers with Bucky, I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. 

“We have a lot of things to catch up on when this is all over.” 

Bucky nodded, swinging his gun from his back. 

“You and me, doll. Till the end.” He promised. 

Steve looked at us with a stern gaze, silently asking if we were ready and we both nodded with our answer. Before I called forth the fire, I slipped the mask back over my face which earned a questioning eyebrow raise from Bucky. 

“Is that mine?” He asked. 

“Uh, yeah. I went through a dark time after you disappeared,” I admitted with a slight shrug. 

“And that?” Bucky motioned to the ink on my left arm. 

“Do we have to do this now?” I semi whined. “We’re about to fight for our lives.” 

He held up his hands in surrender but mentioned that we would be having a discussion later. 

The fire spread fast to my fingers, hair still ablaze with flames, and with a final wink towards Bucky, I flew straight up in the air hovering next to Sam. 

“Seriously?” His eyes were wide with confusion. 

I merely shrugged and looked below towards our army, new and old members, with a proud smile. When Steve had mentioned the plan to me weeks ago, I thought he was crazy. There was no way we would be able to get everyone back from the snap but we did it. He promised that he would bring Bucky back home to me and he delivered on that promise. Which is why I owed him the greatest debt I ever owed to anyone. 

Steve called forth Mjolnir with a deep yell. “AVENGERS! Assemble!”

Sam and I flew together towards one of those flying monsters, with one hand still helping me fly I used the other one to send a large fireball towards it. It landed directly into its face but did nothing to phase it. 

“Son of a bitch,” I muttered. “Sam you’re on your own. I’m going to need both hands for this one.” 

With both feet planted firmly on the ground now, I spread out both hands towards the herd of aliens that came sprinting my way. Shot after shot of flames incinerated them before they even had the chance to touch me. 

Sensing danger, I looked towards Bucky and noticed that one of the large aliens was inches away from him, ready to attack. 

“Bucky!” 

I flew over to him and as I landed in front of him, I placed a large fire wall around us to protect us. The alien had run right into it, falling to the dirt in a pile of ash. 

“That’s new,” Bucky smirked. 

“You haven’t seen anything, yet.” I gave him a quick peck. 

Turning my back to him, I noticed a small fire burning next to us. I shook out whatever nerves I had and decided now would be the best time to try this out. I had read about fire manipulation but was too scared to try it out. 

Letting out a deep breath, I focused all of my energy on the small fire and with the guidance of my fingers, they danced along with the flames as I guided it towards an alien that had started running towards us. 

With a few seconds of peace, I noticed Bucky trying to blow a strand of hair out of his face and chuckled. Quickly running my fingers through his hair, I tied half of it up in a bun so he could see. 

“You’re always looking out for me,” he said. 

I hadn’t had a chance to say anything back, something attacking me from behind. Falling hard to the ground, alien nails clawed their way into my back causing a banshee scream to fall from my lips. 

“Y/N!” 

Snarling teeth snapped at my face, trying to take a chunk of my flesh. I saw a glimmer of metal out of the corner of my eye, noticing Bucky had thrown me a knife. With fast reflexes, I snatched it up and stabbed it into the aliens head. 

“Ugly mother fuckers,” I cursed after throwing the dead body off of me. 

Bucky gently helped me to my feet and winced when he saw the wound on my stomach. I immediately reassured him that I was fine. 

“It’s an old one. I cauterized it earlier to stop the bleeding,” I said while pushing his hand away. 

“CAP! What do you want me to do with the gauntlet?”

Clint's worried voice sounded through our coms. 

“We need to get them back to where they came from,” I said into mine. 

“We can’t. Thanos destroys the quantum tunnel.” Tony’s informed us.

I cursed and looked over towards Bucky. “We’re fucked.” 

“No we’re not. We’ve got another time machine,” Scott reminded us. 

The sound of a corny horn tune played throughout the battlefield and Bucky gave me a confused glance. I merely shrugged in response. 

“Anyone see an ugly brown van out there?” Steve asked. 

Bucky nodded behind me. “Y/N and I see it. You’re not going to like where it’s parked.” 

We noticed that it was parked directly in the middle of Thanos’ army so we knew it wasn’t going to be an easy task keeping Scott safe while he tried to get the van working. 

Bucky and I continued to fight side by side, not missing a beat. I blasted fire ball after fireball to countless aliens, keeping them from getting close to us. 

The sky above cracked with missiles falling from Thanos’ ship, raining down towards us. Clapping my hands, a fire shield erupted from them and I held it up towards the missiles, protecting Bucky and I from them. They exploded once they touched the shield. 

“Y/N! I could use some help over on this end!” Steve’s voice demanded through the coms. 

Looking towards his voice, I saw that he had started to get run over by a group of aliens. Guiding a large fire that burned an old part of the Avengers compound to the aliens, Steve gave me a nod of thanks when they all burned at his feet. 

“Marshmallow! You’ve got a second?” 

Hearing Sam’s voice, I gave Bucky my attention for a second asking if he would be fine. He gave me a simple answer by raising his gun, killing an alien that had snuck up on me from behind. 

Suddenly I was flying through the air over towards Sam. “Whatcha need?” 

“The van is about to get over run with a hoard of them,” he nodded below us. 

“I’ve got something in mind but I’ve never done it before,” I admitted. 

“Do it,” Sam yelled. 

Nodding, I spun my hands in a circle, over and over again, using the already burning flames to create a large tornado; a fire tornado. Using all of my focus, I guided it towards the horde of aliens that were seconds away from attacking the van. They screeched as they spun in the flames, turning to ash. 

“Holy shit that was cool,” I muttered. 

I knew that they were endless possibilities of what I could do with my powers, I never knew exactly what I could do. 

Suddenly the missiles from Thanos’ ship had changed their trajectory, shooting at something in the atmosphere. Sam and I looked at each other as we both flew closer to what it was shooting at. 

Carol Danvers appeared, flying herself into the airship, causing it to crumble within. Once it had fallen into the waters below, I descended down and came to a stop next to Steve. 

“We need to help Carol deliver the gauntlet to Scott,” He said. 

I looked around at the battle scene and had an idea but I was unsure if it would actually work. I had read about it years ago and the last time I tried it, I ended up leveling an old abandoned city in Russia. 

“I might have a way but I’m not sure if it will work.”

I filled him in on my plan and was surprised when he didn’t give me a crazed look. He believed that I could do it. 

“You need to focus, clear your mind and focus on that,” Steve assured me. 

Sucking in my bottom lip, I slowly nodded agreeing that I would try to do it. 

“Hey guys,” I started to speak into my com, “I have a way to stop all of the aliens and the large worm things. But I want to apologize beforehand in case I burn any of you to death.” 

“Excuse me?” Sam spoke. 

“The last time I did this it didn’t end well,” I defended. 

“Doll, do it. We’ll be fine.” 

Bucky’s voice calmed the last nerves I had left and with a quick nod to Steve, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My hands raised to my sides, all of my focus and thoughts on bringing the flames from Hell below to the surface. The ground shook violently below my boots and letting out a long breath, my eyes snapped open with darkness encasing my pupils and I floated in the air. Flames bursted their way through the ground, setting Thanos’ army ablaze almost immediately and guiding the largest of the flames to the worms in the sky, they burned to black ash; raining down around all of us. 

I couldn’t relish in the moment that I had finally pulled it off correctly because my body had felt weak, my unconscious taking over. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I started falling from the sky, body limp. 

“Y/N!” Bucky bellowed. 

[mrstaeminlee]

Mission Complete Ch 2

You had two goals in life. One: Complete your squad training without dying. Two: Fuck Levi Ackerman

Pairings: Levi/f!reader

Warnings: Swearing, eventual smut, lmk if I need to add anything~

Seven months later

Training under Captain Levi was a bitch. Rewarding as hell, but a fucking bitch. To make it worse, your time with the man was making your seemingly one sided thirst turn itself into something more, which you were absolutely unprepared for. It almost made you miss your training under the commendant, nasty death breath be damned.

You found that while it certainly drove you to your physical and mental limits, you genuinely liked the man you had spent the past few months trying to impress, even if he made your life a living hell by constantly asking more of you than he did any of the other prospective additions to his prestigious team. Wondering why, you briefly entertained the thought that maybe he held some sort of physical or emotional attraction towards you, but as you reflected on your interactions with the captain the past seven months you couldn't pinpoint anything that would be considered fanfiction worthy. There had been no lingering touches, no longing gazes from across the training grounds, not even so much as a wanting glance at your breasts that you tried so desperately to flaunt as naturally as possible when he would observe you all sparring. No, all you had to show for the past 212 days was having your face slammed into the dirt more times than you cared to count and an intimate connection with somehow always getting punished to deep clean the mess hall.

When some squad member whose name you couldn't be bothered to remember dropped by to give you a notice to be on the training grounds three hours earlier than normal, your best guess was that you had found some way to fuck something up without realizing and you would get to clean that fucking hall - again.

Unable to sleep for more than a few hours, you decided to forget trying to sleep, and a couple of orgasms courtesy of your well used friend later you decided to say fuck it, and got out of bed, grabbing your things to shower and get ready for the day even though not even the fucking sun had decided to grace the compound with it's presence. After cleaning yourself up and making sure all of your straps were secure you made your way to the training grounds, making a side trip to steal a thick chunk of bread and some cheese for your breakfast. With still a half hour to spare before the time you were supposed to be on the grounds by, you took your time making your way there, appreciating the empty halls and the quiet. Between training, having roommates, and a shared mealtime, quiet wasn't really something you got to experience anymore. Even your showers were normally noisy since private shower stalls appeared to be out of the military budget. Figures, a government run by men, you bet they thought about you hot female scouts showering together all the time. You took in the smell of the early morning air and took a hearty bite of the bread, shoving the thought of perverted and corrupt old men out of your mind and grabbed your water bottle to wash it down as you made your way across. Deciding you'd had enough sightseeing of the place you had literally spent over half a year you decided to just wait for whoever was supposed to meet you and you quickened your pace to get to the training field, chomping down the last of your breakfast.

After you arrived and had verified no one else was there you plopped down angrily onto a grassy area, figuring at least one other person should be there by now. Looking back, you didn't recall anyone else receiving any type of notice after dinner. You groaned loudly, running your fingers through your still damp hair. "Mother fucker, if one of those fucking fucks tricked me into waking up early I swear to-"

"You have quite the mouth on you, don't you Scout? I don't recall hearing you speak like that even after getting pounded into the ground by Reiner."

Choking on your spit from surprise and also wondering why the fuck he decided he had to word it like that you sprung to your feet, turning around and forming a proper salute. Oh Jesus.

"I-I'm sorry sir, I thought for a moment that someone had pranked me. I won't swear like that again, sir!" I swear to God if you make me clean the mess hall one more time I'll-

Levi smirked.

Holy shit.

"Relax, Scout, we both know you're lying about that. I'm the one that sent the notice for you, did you even bother noticing my signature at the bottom?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms over those deliciously strong chest muscles.

Your eyes widened. To be honest, all you had seen on the notice was the time and place to be, you hadn't even thought of looking to see who had sent it. "You...you sent for me, sir?" Your confused tone seemed to amuse him, if his cocked eyebrow was anything to go by.

"Yes, you dumbass brat. You need to start reading things thoroughly," he frowned then, "I didn't take you as the type to be so thoughtless. Now, do you have any idea why I would have sent for you so early?"

Because clearly if you don't get to sleep none of us fucking do.

"No sir!"

"Put down the fucking salute, Scout, it's just you and me here."

You obeyed immediately, shifting into a more relaxed stance as you crossed your arms under your chest. You were almost positive you imagined him glancing down for the briefest of seconds but just as quickly brushed off the thought. You could only be so lucky; this wasn't some badly written fanfiction, after all. "No offense Captain, but I have no idea why I'm here. Did I do something to piss someone off? Did I piss YOU off?"

Levi rolled his eyes. "No. I want you-"

Holy FUCK-

"-to join my squad."

Oh.

Was it the moment you'd been training for for almost 3 years?

Yes.

Was it something you ever thought would happen?

Not quite.

Were you a little (okay, a significant amount of) disappointed when he continued to speak after the word 'you'?

Absolutely.

You grinned anyway.

"I thought you'd never ask, Cap."

Tags: @levisbebe @dannylothbrok

[justreadingfics]

It’s a Deal (Chapter 3)

Chapter Summary: You have a reason to celebrate and need a partner to do that.  

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 6.2k

Warnings:+18 only, smut, sex in a public place, boytoy!Bucky, casual sex, opened relationship, drinking, sorority.

A/N: Here’s one more filthy chapter for you guys. It won’t always be that way since the plot moves forward, but it will still be focused on smut for the next couple of chapters. Our reader deserves some fun before things get a bit more complicated, right? The link to my masterlist, where you can find the other chapters, is on my description. Feedback is highly appreciated. Tag list for this story is closed.  

Screen after screen pops in the air in front of you as you furiously type codes and formulas on them. You’re there, you’re almost there. You’ve been working on this project for months and now it finally seems like you’re getting somewhere.

“Coffee?”

You just nod as an answer to Camilla, your partner on that project. She gets up and walks out to go get the coffee. She already told you if it was up to her, you’ve already given up. But you know you’re getting there. You haven’t stopped working ever since early hours and you’re feeling inspired and focused as ever.

When you’re satisfied with the input you add to the system which is working on the calculations, you sit back. Eyes on the screen displayed in the air. Camilla comes back with your coffees and hands one to you, fixing her eyes on the screen, too as she stands beside you.

“Come on, come on,” you whisper.

Bringing the coffee to your lips you almost choke on it when the answer you were so desperately looking for gleams on the screen.

“Holy shitballs,” you shout and swiftly gets up, letting your cup drop to the floor, splashing the liquid around.

“Oh, fuck,” Camilla gasps and you two look at each other with paired up widened eyes before letting out a cheerful scream and holding each other, jumping around as you gain the attention of the other workers from the several small offices of the Avengers/Stark Technology Department.

A clear of throat takes you and your friend out of your reverie, catching your attention. When you see Sharon Carter on your door, with a smirk on her lips, you two cease the celebration, but keep the smiles on your faces.

“Hey, Sh- Director,” you quickly correct yourself, being friends with Natasha brought you close to Sharon, too. But now she’s Director of Shield, after Nick Fury became coordinator of the Avengers, therefore you should show some respect at least at workplaces, “Remember that Shield and Avengers’ joined project? The one where we were trying to build a device that would crack alien secret services codes?”

“Yeah, sure, our tech departments have been working for months to find an algorithm.” Sharon nods.

“Well, looks like we made it.” You point at the screen right in front of you.

“What the hell?” She shoots an eyebrow high and steps into the office, eyes analyzing the screen between you two.

“We doesn’t quite cut it, Director,” Camilla says, rolling her eyes, “She worked her ass off and got to it by herself. She’s been killing it these last few days.”

You huff, shaking your head. You’ve been really inspired, indeed. And you might relate it to a certain physical activity you’ve been engaging on recently and the outrageous amount of energizing orgasms you’ve been gifted with almost daily… not a topic to be brought out now, though.  

“Ooo, someone seems extra inspired…” Sharon narrows her eyes, but you try to not indulge any possible insinuation by just ignoring the comment with a smile, “Well, that’s amazing news,” she resumes, clapping her hands once, “and it kind of leads to the subject that brought me here, would you mind excuses for a second, Camilla?” She kindly asks.

“Of course, not. I’ll be in my office.” Camilla says, not holding back from hugging you and squirming in excitement one more time before walking out the room.

“This is huge, huh?” Sharon comments, pulling up the chair you pointed for her as you sit on yours.  

“It is, can you imagine what Natasha will be able to do with it?” You grin, brushing your hands together.

“Thanks to your badass brain,” she compliments before narrowing her eyes at you again, “You have a weird happy face.”

“Well, something amazing just happened…”

“Yeah, yeah…” Sharon brushes you off, “You’re killing it at your job and that’s amazing… but to be honest, I expected to still see you moping around about your break up.”

“I’m still sad about it, but work has been great, and-”

“Oh, cut the crap,” Sharon interrupts with a playful snap and you frown while she crosses her arms in front of her, holding back a laugh, “I’ve been texting with Natasha, I know about you and your boytoy.”

“What the hell?” Your eyes widen as you throw your arms to the air, already feeling your cheeks warming, “She’s on a mission and you two have been talking about my… sex life?” You lean over across the table and whisper the last part.

“We can multitask,” Sharon shrugs like it’s no big deal.

“Oh, wow…” you scoff, “That’s two of the greatest spies on earth right.”

“Alright,” She chuckles, unfolding her arms and leaning over the table, “As much as I want to know all about it, that’s not why I’m here.”

“Ok,” you quickly accept the change of subject for your own relief, “Why are you here for, then?”

“To tell you that Stark is a jerk,” she deadpans.

“Ok… cool,” you drag the words, side eyeing her, “And?”

“Long story short, I lost you in a chess match and now you’re the new leader of Avengers/Stark Tech Department.”

You don’t quite assimilate what she just said as you keep your questioning stare on her, not finding the link between her words and, most of all, did she just say you’ve been promoted?

“I’m sorry, what?” You shake your head shutting your eyes for a second, finally asking for clarification after what seemed like the longest staring contest ever.

“Well,” Sharon sighs, “You know how competitive Stark and I can be and when I decided to act by ethics and told him I was considering offering you the leadership position at Shield’s tech department he decided he would do the same and dared me to a chess match, where you would be the prize.” She shrugs, “I’m sure he had some help, right Friday,” she raises her voice staring up to the air but gains plain silence as a response from the A.I, “He won and got to keep you and I got  stuck with my second option which is your ex, as you might already know.”

“Wow,” you whisper, not really sure what to say or feel, trying to process all of what you just heard.

“You’re not offended by the chess match, are you?” Sharon checks, tilting her head.

“No… I’m kinda… flattered, I guess.” You frown and Sharon gives you a satisfied smile. “But… I’m confused… That’s Stark’s job.”

“It’s your job now if you should accept it.” She grins wider, “I guess he’s been thinking about it for a while now and saw my offering as an opportunity. I know Pepper has been on his ass for him to loosen up from some responsibilities, and who better than you to take over?” She points up at the screen with your recent achievement.

You let out a breathy laugh, reality finally dawning. Not in a million years you thought that would happen but now that it is, you’re not gonna be modest, you kick ass in your job and you fucking deserve it.

“He’s on a mission with Nat and Steve now, so he asked me to come talk to you, hang on…” Sharon holdsup a finger, before grabbing a small device from her pocket, which you recognize as one of your projects. “Stark,” she says.

In a second the image of a very battered Tony surfaces on the air as the camera captures his face from under the suit.  

“Hey, Carter,” he greets with a smirk as you hear the sounds of blasts, shots and explosions. The man is in the middle of a damn battle while casually answering a call.  

“Stark,” Sharon answers just as casually, “I have her here with me, just delivered the news,” she says, turning his image to you.

“Hey, boss,” you give him a shy wave.

“Hey, kid.” He scrunches up his face, shooting a series of blasts before you listen to something exploding. “I think you’re sort of my boss now.” He focuses on you again, smirking.

“No, I’m not,” you laugh.

“No, you’re not. But, tell me, what’s your answer?”

“I take it, of course.” You decide, why in the world, wouldn’t you.

“Great. Party to celebrate when we come back. Gotta go, these damn Kree are the worst. Will not invite them.” He turns off and his image disappears from before you.

“Well, congratulations.” Sharon places the device back on her pocket, “Our departments work a lot together, so I think I win either way.”

A mix of emotions fill up your chest. You’re excited and happy and scared. Mostly excited, though…  “Holy shit,” you curse, digging your hands into your hair as a grin seems to twist your lips permanently.

“You need to celebrate…” Sharon adds, offering you a cheeky grin.

Fuck yeah, you need to celebrate. And you know exactly what, or better, who you wanna do.

~~~

“How the hell are you wet already?”

The words are spoken against your neck through licks and sucks, after Bucky’s fingers glided under your underwear and sank between your slick folds. As soon as he walked into your living room, he jumped on you with kisses and grabs, discovering you in such a state without his previous help.

Well, sort of without his help, actually. The thing is, after you got out of work that afternoon, you didn’t even need to call him or text him to propose your little celebration as you found a series of texts from “Bucky Sweet Tongue Barnes”  waiting for you. In the first, he was asking if you had any plans that night, and the others… oh, the others… the fucker described all sorts of filthy things he wanted to do with you.

After a quick answer for him to come over and a long bath, all the dirty details he used on his texts refused to leave your mind and you couldn’t help but spending the rest of the time you had alone before he arrived teasing yourself with your fingers, having all those images and flashes from your last encounters in your memory to keep you going.

“I-“ you gasp as he sucks that sensitive spot in your neck and his fingers meet your clit, “Those texts you sent me…” You tilt your head to give his lips more room, your hands roaming around the hard pattern of muscles on his back, “I-I’ve been touching myself.” You confess with the lack of pudency you’re becoming familiar with when you’re around him.

In your arms, you feel when his body freezes for a second, before he sucks harder on your neck, “Fuck… did you come today already?” He gropes your ass under your dress with the hand that isn’t in your pussy. 

Your eyelids flutter and you reach down to the front of his pants to feel the growing bulge, “Yes…”

“Goddammit, that’s hot,” he grunts, and then it all happens in a blur as he lifts you by hooking his hands under your thighs and places you seated over the dinner table.

He positions himself between your opened legs as lifting up your short dress out of his way and, while you swiftly work on the buttons and zipper of his jeans, he takes a condom out of his pockets and, after ripping the plastic off with his teeth he hands it to you.

His eyes cast down to see your fingers rolling off the latex around his rock hard cock and, as soon as you’re done and wrap your hand around him to feel his thickness, he wastes no time and pushes you backwards until your back meets the cold wood of your table. 

Acting by the frenzy that is all over his eyes, he swiftly pulls the small fabric of your underwear to the side, exposing your cunt just enough before he holds his cock and pushes himself inside you, making you cry out and your body jerk backwards. You always knew spending an exorbitant amount of money on a good table would pay off someday and you hold yourself fisting each side of the table.

He pulls your thighs up wrapping his hands on your knees, giving you no time to adjust before starting to pound into you.

You love that he fucks you like that. Hard and raw, the sting of the stretching mixed with the pleasure brought by his expert thrusts fogging your mind and his thickness and expert moves hitting sweet spots of yours, kicking the air out of your lungs. You love that in the few times you’ve been doing it in the last week, he already seems to know what you can take and always somehow goes a little further, a little different… like he knows something about yourself that you don’t, yet. That it’s the first time that you two can’t be bothered to wait and take off clothes or get to the bedroom. You love it.

It is all new to you, yes. For you sex has always been attached to some kind of affection or romantic feelings and, while that is all good and wonderful, you’re enjoying so much finding out this other side, where the only goals are to share pleasure and have fun. 

“So fucking sexy,” he groans through clenched teeth.

Your core twists in response and your cunt clenches around his cock, causing him to let out a grunt and quicken his pace even more, making it extra difficult to breathe properly. Oh, he’s found out that praise kink of yours and now he’s been using it wisely, so wisely…

He reaches over to pull down the stripe of your dress and exposes one breast. A loud moan slips out of you when he roughly kneads the soft flesh. He keeps the metal hand around one of your knees while the leg he let go in favor to give your breast some attention curls around his hips, jerking along with the punishing pace of his thrusts.

“Yeah, sweetheart, so sexy… I’ve wanted to have you like this ever since I first saw that sweet ass of yours,” he confesses right before leaning over to wrap his mouth around your nipple.

You’ve been horny the whole day waiting for the moment you would have his cock inside you just like that and the praise, as tacky as it may be, joined with the warmth of his wet tongue around your breast and the stimulation against your clit that the new position brings prompt the blast of ecstasy inside your core.

With a trembling moan, you let go the edges of the table to hold his body pressed to yours as his mouth moves from your breast to attack your neck. You roll your hips, trying to prolong the pleasure unleashed as his pace falters.

The fingers of both his hands dig into your hair, making a mess of it as he pulls out his cock almost completely before shoving it deeply and harshly one more time, grunting out his own release.  

“Fuck,” it slips from under his heavy breath before he clasps his lips on yours. The kiss is wet and sloppy and lazy as you have your legs and arms curled around his body, keeping him inside you.

Still feeling a little numb from the orgasm he just gave you – a thousand times better than the one you had given yourself- you gasp and chuckle through the kiss as he straightens up and pulls you with him. You tighten the hold of your arms and legs, as he conveniently holds you by your ass until he finds the couch and sits down with you straddling his hips. He breaks the kiss and lets his head fall on the backrest, his chest moving up and down as he tries to catch his breath.

You move up to let his cock slide off but he tightens the hold on your ass, keeping you in place, “Just… let me stay in a bit more, it feels so good,” he says, eyes shut, still resting his head back on the sofa.

“Alright,” you chuckle, straddling his face with your arms as you place your hands on the backrest. You find the request a bit odd but also sexy as hell. There he is, always a step ahead on what you don’t even know you think it’s hot…   

After a few more seconds, when his breath – and yours- seems to come back to normal, he straightens his head and looks down at where you still have just one breast exposed. He ticks his tongue, “Let’s not make the other one feel left out.” He pulls your other strap, letting now both of your breasts bare to him before he dips in, grabbing the up till now covered one with his lips.

You shake your head, laughing at his antics, “You seem pretty fond of them, huh?”

He lets go of the mound with a pop, looking up at you with an almost shocked expression on his face, “How could I not?” he gasps, like you’ve just offended him, “I don’t know how you see them in the mirror everyday and don’t touch yourself…” he squints at you before continuing, “You do, don’t you?”

You laugh harder, letting your head fall back and he smiles at you before going back to give your tits some attention, kissing and sucking one, then the other. Noticing that his cock never really softens completely inside you, you let him enjoy himself a bit more before speaking again, “Did you mean that?”

“What?” He leans back, looking up at you.

“You said you wanted to fuck me ever since you met me… is that serious? I didn’t even know you remembered me before we… started this.”

“First of all, I’m always serious, I never lie,” he says, adding some gravity to his tone, “Second of all, remember that night a while ago, when I chatted with you and your boyfriend at a Stark’s party and then your sexy ass talked about your work with technology with such passion… you knew exactly what you were talking about and, fuck…” he licks his lips, ”I rubbed one out for you later that night,” he smirks, clasping his hands behind his head.

Your jaw drops at the reveal before your face scrunches up, “That’s…gross?” you say the first word that comes to mind.

“But it’s true,” he shrugs, looking pretty comfortable with the confession, “and ever since I’ve been thinking about tapping that smart ass of yours.” He emphasizes his point by slapping your ass once.

Despite that and his choice of words - which makes your cheeks heat up - and your previous statement of being grossed out by the revelation, you decide you take that as kind of a compliment, which leads you to give him the news.

“You know?” you say, “I was promoted today. You just fucked the new leader of the Avengers/Stark tech department,” you grin when his practically hard cock twitches inside you.

“Wow, congratulations.” His eyes widen and he grins back at you. 

“Never thought I would meet someone with a technology kink,” you comment, laughing at his first reaction to the news.

“More of a smart as fuck brain kink, sweetheart,” he reaches behind you to slap your ass for the second time that night, making you shriek and laugh a bit harder, “Ok, we need to celebrate,” he states.

“I am celebrating,” you aim a mischievous smile at him, rolling your hips for good measure.

“Damn,” he breathes, but holds your hips still, “No, I mean, you’ve been in a relationship for ten years, tell me…” he squints at you, “When was the last time you partied your ass off?”

“Ahm…” you think hard trying to remember when it was, “College, I guess?”

“Shit…” he lowers his head before swiftly getting up, making you lunge your arms on his shoulders so you wouldn’t fall back as he walks to your bedroom, “Come on, let’s freshen up. This is huge news… I’ll take you to a real party now and then we can continue our private one later,” he promises.

~~~

As soon as you walk in the rooftop bar Bucky has chosen, you already decide you did good in accepting his offer. The place is gorgeous, sporting a modern, yet cozy decoration with small tables, sofas and puffs for those who want to sit. Dazzling lights flash on the dance floor right by a huge bar and the view of the city is mesmerizing while the beat of the music reverberates through your body.

Bucky pulls you by the hand through the sea of bodies. Thank god you chose one of the fanciest dresses of your wardrobe or else you wouldn’t fit in among the beautiful people crowding the place. Every once in a while, Bucky waves and nods at someone or a group of people. You can tell he’s a regular.  

He waves more excitedly to a group of women hanging on a mezzanine, before pulling you to that direction, “Come on,” he tilts his head back towards you with a smile, “You’ll love them.”

As soon as you approach the group, he puts his arm around your shoulders and introduces you to everyone, telling you the names of each stunning woman before you, Amanda, Emma, Jada, Alice and Brianna. They all friendly greet him and you with smiles, excited hellos and hugs, welcoming you two to join them, which you do.

“You know, Y/N was promoted today,” Bucky gushes and you smile at him.

“Oh, wow,” Amanda says through the cheerful congratulating words from everyone else, “This calls for champagne.” She then whistles and makes a sign for a bartender, who in a matter of seconds sends two bottles of fancy champagne to the group. 

A few minutes after the toast, you’re drinking and chatting with those women like you’ve been best friends your whole life, especially with Amanda, who goes out of her way to make you feel included. You can see how close they all are to Bucky, like he’s one of the gang, talking about any kind of subject in front of him and vice versa. Bucky stays by your side, and only when you’re completely mingled with the group he excuses himself to go grab what he called “a real drink” at the bar.

“He’s incredible, isn’t he?” Amanda nudges you when Bucky is at a distance he can’t hear.

“Oh yeah,” you nod, “Bucky’s a great guy.”

“She means in bed, dear,” Brianna clarifies with a giggle.

You take a look around the group to see them all giving you mischievous and knowing stares. Oh…

“Oh, did all of you…?” you point your finger at them, but you don’t have to complete the question

“More like all of this rooftop,” Brianna laughs, followed shortly by the others.  

“So, he’s amazing isn’t he?” Amanda insists, wiggling her eyebrows.

You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol or the fact that they all seem so friendly and open minded, but something makes you blurt out, “Amazing? He’s fucking fantastic.”

They all nod and verbalize their agreement, “I tell you all something,” Jada catches your attention, “That man drinks respect women juice daily and we owe him a toast. Here’s to Bucky,” she raises her glass.

“To Bucky.” You all mimic her through laughing and make a toast to the unsuspicious man at the bar.

As the conversation moves on and they all engage in different topics your gaze wanders to where he stands, holding a glass with some liquor that looks like whiskey in hands. But he’s not alone anymore. A statuesque blond is right beside him, laughing and touching his arm. You glimpse that flirting smile of him forming on his lips.

“You don’t mind do you?” Amanda’s voice makes you turn to her, spotting a questioning look on her face, “Because if you do… Girl, run away now, Bucky isn’t right for you.” There’s no malice on her voice, just a sincere warning tone.

You seize the moment to make an honest survey through your feelings. You’ve been warned by different people, Bucky included, and if there’s anything to worry about, Amanda is right, you should run now. As you keep your eyes on the two of them by the bar, you look and look and look inside, but find nothing that could be remotely taken as jealousy or something like that. If anything, it’s kind of liberating to know that you have so much fun with him and there’s no ugly, selfish feelings pulling you back. You feel like you could encourage the blonde on the flirting, because you know how damn incredible it can be…

Who would wonder that a class A womanizer like Bucky would be the source of such sheer sorority you’ve been experiencing that night…

“No,” you turn back to Amanda, shaking your head with a satisfied smile, “I don’t mind at all.”

The night goes on and Bucky comes and goes, chatting and drinking and laughing with you and your new little group of friends, taking you to dance, but also dancing with Amanda, Emma, Alice, Jada, Brianna and some others… A number of guys also approach you, take you to dance, buy you drinks and you end up with a few new phone numbers in your contact list. You party like you haven’t in a while and like you didn’t think women your age still did, which is stupid… You’ve been so caught up in the routine of your relationship with Eddie that you’ve forgotten there’s a whole world spinning out there.

An exciting and fun world.

“Hey,” the familiar voice reaches your ear and makes you smile as you’re on the dance floor with the girls. The metal hand curls around your belly and pulls you before your back brushes against his chest, “Having fun?” Bucky asks, lips on your ears.

“Yes, so much.” You tilt your head and place your hands over his while his hips sway with yours.

“Hummm,” he pulls you closer and runs the tip of his nose over the length of your neck, “I’m glad.”

“However…” you sigh, loving how his hips move in rhythm with yours, “I think I’m ready to continue our other party at home.”

“Funny,” he chuckles and his tongue darts out before he swiftly brushes it against your neck. It’s quick and very discreet, but enough to set your core into flames, “I was thinking the exact same thing.”

With that, you promptly let go of him and proceed to say goodbye to the girls. They all tell their farewells and wishes to see you again soon with knowing and excited looks.

~~~

“You were right, I had so much fun.” You wrap an arm around his elbow as you walk side by side through the streets of New York. The bar isn’t that far from your condo and when he suggested a walk back home you thought it was a good idea to check on the lively corners of the city, even with the heels. Also, he offered his leather jacket against the cold, which you promptly accepted.

“Oh, yeah, nightlife in New York nowadays is something we shouldn’t take for granted,” he smiles down at you, “And yeah, you had fun alright, I know there are a few extra numbers in your phone,” he winks.

You analyze his face and when you understand there’s nothing but playful teasing behind it, you answer, “Oh, yeah, oh my God,” you shake your head, “That was unexpected but fun. I might delete them all, though, things might get complicated and I’m not looking for any kind of complications right now.”

He smiles, seemingly satisfied for you taking him out of the complicated category. “You and the girls seemed to get along real fine, too,” he comments.   

“They’re really great,” you nod, getting cozier in his arm as a gust of wind hits you, “They all think very highly of you, by the way,” you let the smirk in your lips tell him what you mean.

“I work hard for that, sweetheart.” He chuckles and wiggles his eyebrows at you.

You let out a laugh, “That you do.” You look up at him from under your lashes, before whispering, “I can’t wait to see you working hard.”

He halts his pace, making you abruptly stop with him. You shoot him a questioning look, as he gazes down at you, his face lightening up like the best of ideas has just crossed his mind. Without further notice he unwraps his arm from yours and takes your hand instead, pulling you with him at a faster pace as he turns on the corner, changing the course that would lead to your home.

“Hey,” you call out, as you try not to trip on your heels as he pulls you, deflecting from the other patrons and leading the way, “What the hell are you doing?”

He looks back at you with that sinful smile of his, “Don’t wanna leave you waiting.”

Something flips inside your stomach in anticipation at his statement and, as he turns around a few corners, the streets seem to get less busy. When you reach a particular spot, he checks each side, like surveying the area before pulling you to a dark alleyway you haven’t even seen before.

As soon as you out of the street he pins you against the wall and crashes his lips on yours, shoving his leg between yours to keep you in place with the help of the firm grip of his metal hand on your hips.

Like a puppet on his strings you wrap your arms around his neck and respond to the inebriant kiss immediately even if you’re still astonished by it all and when he squeezes one of your tits through the fabric of your dress and his mouth leaves your mouth to drag kisses over your neck, you tilt your head to see the light peeking from the streets, so close to where you’re both standing. 

“Bucky…” a gasp swallows your words for a second as he presses his thigh harder against your pussy, “What the hell, someone can see us,” you remind him, knowing exactly where this will lead if you don’t stop him now. You can already feel the pool of heat in your lower body as he playfully nibbles on your lower lip before going back to your neck.

“Isn’t it exciting, to think someone can spot us while I have my dick inside you.” He licks a long stripe from your neck to behind your ear.

The mention of his dick makes you let out a wanton moan, but you’re not won over yet, “It’s a fucking dark alley in the middle of the night in New York City, Bucky. We will be murdered here.”

At this, all of his enticing movements pause, and he dips his head back with an offended glare at you, “Do I have to remind you who you’re literally fucking with?” he asks, outrage all over his voice, “The Winter Fucking Soldier, White Wolf and shit… the strongest Avenger,” he chant the names and you can’t help but chuckle a bit, “Don’t worry,” leans over to resume from where he stopped, “I can fuck you and protect you at the same time.”

You need no more convincing since that’s actually damn hot and you’re more than sold to the exciting game when he flips you over and kneels down behind you. Listening to your own erratic heartbeats prompted by the electrifying danger of it all, you sprawl your hands on the wall as he sinks his hands under your dress and pulls your underwear down your legs, placing it in his pocket once you step out of it.

He bunches your dress up high enough to give him room and you shudder and sucks in a breath as he props one kiss, then another on the back of each of your thighs, “Try to be quiet…” he says, but swiftly adds, “Not too quiet, though, I love to hear you.”

With that he spreads your legs a little farther and sinks his tongue into the apex of your thighs from behind.  Your jaw drops and your knees buckle as he holds your hips still against his face. While his tongue curls around your sensitive pussy your mind blanks and you whimper, trying to suppress a moan, not forgetting you’re right in the open air of New York. Your hips roll against his face, seeking for more friction to untie the knot forming inside you.

But too soon he ceases contact and stands up. You express your disappointment with a whine, face snapping to glare at him behind you.

He’s wearing a smirk on his face as he grabs another condom from his pocket. You wonder how many he has in stash, “You wanted to come on my mouth, didn’t you?” he teases, holding the package between his teeth as he unbuckles his pants.

“Of course,” you shamelessly admit under your breath.

“I know sweetheart… But my dick is aching for you, too,” letting his pants and boxes fall along his legs, he unleashes his hard cock and proceeds on putting on the condom, throwing the plastic package aside, “I was prepping you for it,” he continues, eyes fastened on yours as he speaks, “You want it, don’t you? You want my dick? Come all over it?”

You lick your lips and your gaze falls to look at his rock hard cock, feeling your wetness dripping down your inner thighs. Now that’s an offer you can’t refuse, “Yes, I wanna soak that fucking dick,” you groan, not caring how tacky all the dirty talk may be, since it all sounds sexy as fuck now, clouding all of your senses.

“Shit… take it then, sweetheart.” Guiding his cock with his hand, he pulls your hips and in one single shove he’s inside you.

You let out a silent cry and rest your cheek on your hand against the wall, as the other reaches down to your clit, to help ease down the sumptuous twists inside your core as he pounds into you.  

The sounds and lights of the cars passing by on the street right next to you reminds you how exposed you are and fuck if you’re not gonna come quicker than you ever did as Bucky holds your hips with both of his hands, moving them as fast as he pleases, thrusting them back against his cock. You can feel the fire reaching its peak inside you.

“So fucking wet,” he whispers, breathing hard as he fucks any remaining signs of better judgement out of you and you know it won’t be long for him, either.

You let out a loud moan and it prompts him to pull you pressed against his chest and cover your mouth with his hand, “Shhh.” His hot breath coats your ear and your head falls back on his shoulder as he keeps the delicious pounding of his cock inside you with no hint of mercy.

The damn alley spins around you and you wish you weren’t wearing his leather jacket now as the beads of sweat run down your forehead.

He must’ve heard something in advance because right at that moment a group of people walk by the sidewalk, chatting and laughing. All they have to do is to glance to the side and spot you two in that interesting situation. The danger, the fact that you’re so exposed while Bucky dicks you down against the wall out in the open triggers your orgasm and you let out a strangled sound, muffed by his hand, as the shocks of pleasure washes over your body and weakens your limbs.  

“Shit,” Bucky whispers against your cheeks and his cock pulses inside you, reacting to your cunt squeezing and soaking his cock as you reach your climax.

You wanna feel that again and acting under the influence of a rush of boldness, you reach behind between the two of you and gently massages his bouncing balls. You feel the pulsating of his cock between your walls again and that cheeky move of yours makes him come undone. You only wish that the group is far enough to not hear the reckless and loud moan that slips out of his lips against your ear, his whole body tensing against yours.

As you fight to catch your breath and his hand leaves your mouth to descend to one of your breasts, a long line of courses is recited in your ear before you can feel his body finally relaxing.

Your eyes flutter shut when you sense the brush of his lips on your neck. The next words he breathes against your heated skin makes you beam, loving that he says that while his cock is still buried deep into you, like a damn reward.  

“Congratulations on your promotion, sweetheart.”

~~~

Tag List for this story: CLOSED

Permanent Tag List: OPENED.

[lizzy-williams]

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦.

★Warnings: SMUT, language, drug references, that good shit

★Theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTOiK8I2QsE

Cigarettes by Amir Obe

masterlist

★A/N: Holy shit my horny ass is too much- 

𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗛𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗛𝗜𝗠. God, you hated him. You were but a simple tag along with the band, in charge of pyrotechnic ‘mumbo jumbo’ as he would call it. You were actually a cousin of Rook’s, and some how you got roped into everything. 

The worst part? The person you hated was your boss. Colson fucking Baker. An egotistical hot-head, in your opinion. But you did it for Rook, and Rook alone. He was your favorite family member, and you two were best friends as children, and best friends now. 

It was the night of the release of one of the singles Colson was working on for weeks. And now that it was finally out there, he took the group out to go out and party, including you. 

“Do this for Rook, do this for Rook” you would tell yourself over and over again as your car pulled up to the ‘special club’ Colson invited everyone to. 

But the big red neon sign grabbed your attention as you turned off the ignition and you felt like you were gonna vomit. 

“A strip club??” Rook said from the passenger seat, practically bouncing up and down like a child. 

You gave him a warning look, making him shut his mouth and look away. 

You took a deep breath in. “Do this for Rook, do this for Rook,”

As you walked in, you immediately were taken back by the scent of expensive cologne and cheap alcohol almost slapping you across the face. You saw neon lights everywhere, enough lighting to make anyone have a seizure.

You suddenly felt Rook take your hand, leading you to where he saw the rest of the gang. Everyone was sitting there, looking as tipsy as ever. Of course, you weren’t surprised. 

“Heyyy!” Colson raised his drink to Rook, a look of happiness crossing his face. 

“Hey short-fuse.” he said, unenthusiastically, making you roll your eyes.

You hated when he called you that. You weren’t usually so short with people. Some would say you were one of the sweetest people they’ve met. But with him, it was different. 

You let out a short, “Hi,” before you went to the bar to get a drink. 

You didn’t want to be a bitch to him all the time. In fact, you wanted to be his friend. You liked him. But his cocky attitude was the thing that you hated most, which was ultimately his downfall. 

Hopefully this wasn’t going to be a night that you would regret. 

The night had gone by slowly, Colson oggling at the half-naked girls on the poles. That seemed like the only way to catch his attention. Flash your tits, and your in.

Rook had already gone home with a girl, and you made sure that he was safe. Even though you knew your cousin could handle himself, it never stopped you from worrying. That was your job. You were like an older sister. 

You were now left with the rest of the band. As much as you hated to admit it, you were truly staying behind to make sure that Kells didn’t do anything stupid. 

Lo and behold, you heard the exact thing you were trying to prevent. You didn’t see the whole thing, but from what the rest of the band were yelling, it wasn’t fucking good. You pushed past the group surrounding the scene. 

There he was, straddling a guy and beating the shit out of him, his rings leaving gashes on his face. You bolted towards him, trying to pull him off the poor guy. 

“Kells, what the fuck are you doing?!! Get the fuck off!” You yelled, Baze and Slim doing their best to stop him as well. 

You then were slammed in the face by Colson’s elbow, your form stumbling back, your hand automatically going right where you were hit. 

THAT FUCKER BUSTED YOUR LIP. 

That’s when you about lost it, and by that time, Kells was pulled off the guy, the guys holding him back. You grabbed his ear, and despite the size difference, he was pliant as you pulled him to the front doors, stepping outside. 

“What the FUCK were you thinking?!” you yelled, not caring if anyone heard. 

“That prick kept trying to show me up by tipping one of the girls more. He got verbal, so I got physical.” he acted like it was no big deal and your blood boiled. 

“You could have been arrested.” you snapped back as you watched his eyes drift down to your lip. 

“Did that guy do that to you?” he asked, furious, pointing in the direction of the guy through the glass doors, “I’ll fucking kill him.” 

He gripped the handle to the door until you stopped him, “No. You did this.” you responded.

His face dropped, his eyes going soft, his hands reaching up and cupping your face. You pushed his hands away.

“You have a problem.”

“Oh, I have a problem.” he scoffed.

“You act on impulse, not logic, and that is a problem.” you retorted. 

He turned to the doors of the club, until you stopped him once again, making his gaze snap to yours. 

“No. No way in hell, I’m taking you home.”

“Why?” he asked, annoyed. 

“Because your drunk and I doubt the manager wants you in there anymore. Now get in my car.”

As much as he wanted you to be wrong, you were actually right. And he really, really, didn’t want to deal with law enforcement. 

“Fine.” he sighed out, walking over to your car and getting in the passenger side. 

Me: 1. Colson: 0

As you drove, you let out a sigh in defeat. You did over react. Even if you did have a split lip. 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you. I just... don’t want you to get in trouble. I care about you, and I know it might not always seem like it, but I do.” your words tumbled out of your mouth as you saw him look at you with an unreadable expression. 

“Thanks.” he mumbled. 

You gave Kells a few sympathetic looks as he looked out the window of your car, not bothering to say anything else. You couldn’t help but have a twinge of guilt. 

As your car pulled up to Colson’s house, you two awkwardly shuffled inside, Colson quiet. The silence was becoming overbearing. You walked to the kitchen, wetting a paper towel and placing it on your lip at an attempt of cleaning it. 

Colson just stood there, leaning up against the counter, and you could feel his gaze burning in the back of your neck. You turned around and saw him looking at you. 

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” you motioned, walking up the stairs as Colson begrudgingly followed. 

As you entered his room, you looked around. Christ, it was a mess. Bottles and clothes scattered about. 

“Jeez, at least get a maid,” you smiled at him, trying to be playful. 

Colson’s eyebrows furrowed, “Are you always going to criticize every single thing I do?” 

You looked for his usual twinkle in his eyes when he would say something playful towards you, but his glare was stone cold. 

“Well, I was trying to be nice!” you snapped back. 

“Yeah, for once!” 

“Bite me.” you growled. 

“I just might.” 

He suddenly grabbed you, making you let out a yell of anger. 

“Let me go, jackass!” you squirmed in his grip, but he wasn’t letting up. 

He held you until you calmed down, his body pressed up completely against yours. In a weird way, you felt better. You then realized the position you were in. You took note of his arms... and his hands. You had fantasize about those hands for as long as you could remember. 

You were able to turn around in his grip, and you were now face to face with him. You don’t know why you made your next action, but you did. You hugged him. 

And to your surprise, he hugged you back. Even though his impulsive acts made you angry at times, and he was a bad influence on your cousin in your opinion, you knew that someway, somehow, you had an attraction to the blond boy. 

You pulled away, “I gotta go home.”

“You don’t have to,” he muttered, his pupils blown wide with... lust?

“Colson,” you mumbled in a defeated tone. 

“Don’t go,” you heard him mutter, his lips almost touching yours. 

You were pissed off. He had all this time to make a move, and he’s deciding to do it now!? 

Fuck it.

You kissed him angrily, your hand gripping his shirt tightly as your lips danced with his, making him groan into your mouth. 

You had never acted like this. He was the only person that could make you act out like this. And you fucking loved it. As your senses were over-taken by want and lust, you swiftly unbuttoned his shirt, panting as he detached his lips and slipped your shirt over your head, you jeans some how magically unbuttoned and pulled down. 

You slipped out of everything, leaving the both of you in your underwear. All of his tattoos were on display, and normally you would look at them and admire them, maybe even counting them, but you were too wrapped up in your own scorching need to notice. 

You pulled on his arm, dragging him to the bed and shoving him down on the bed harshly. He wasn’t the only one angry, leaning up and grabbing your throat, reconnecting your lips for another ravenous kiss. 

You took his boxers off, discarding them behind you as you took off your own bra and underwear, pushing him back down, straddling him. Your pussy rubbed up against his hard shaft, making his groan at the contact. 

He suddenly flipped you both over, kissing you again, biting your bottom lip as he pulled off. 

He didn’t even bother to put a condom on. You knew you both wanted it fast, hard, and raw. He suddenly slipped in, making you let out a loud moan as he grunted in pleasure, relying on your slick to act as a lube. 

Soon he stared to angrily pound into you, both of you loving the sounds of the skin contact, Colson leaning down and kissing your neck harshly, sucking, licking, and biting as you heard him whisper deviously degrading words into your ear. 

“You like that huh? Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to take this tight pussy and make it mine?”

All you could do is let out noises of pleasure as he continued on, trust faster and harder with every time your core clenched around him. 

“Fuck-- I-I’m gonna... c-cum,” was all you could let out.

“Go on, babygirl, cum for me. Cum for me and know that I’m the only one who can make you feel this good,” he bit your earlobe.

“FUCK!!” you cried out, your core clenching around him as you felt yourself slip into your nirvana, your pussy gushing as you felt your mind go fuzzy. 

Your climax pushed your lover into his own, curses and repeats of your name spilling from his mouth like a prayer. 

As you both calmed down, he laid beside you as you caught your breath. 

“So. You think you like me just a little bit?” Colson asked snidely.

“Shut up, jackass.”

((This isn’t my best writing. Kinda hate it. Might delete it.))

[relenafanel]

Dicks (in every definition): a fake-relationship AU

Geralt/Jaskier

Find it on Ao3:  Dicks (in every definition) by relenafanel

FOR THE MODERN AU CHALLENGE. WEEK 1: Fake-Relationships

Tag: witcherauseptember

________

“I can’t believe anyone could be such an unmitigated puss-filled dick,” Essi said, staring at her phone in disbelief. Jaskier groaned and let his head thunk on the bar.

“I can.” His sticky forehead was the least disgusting part of the evening.  He'd just come out to forget his ex, and maybe celebrate being free a little (as fucked up as that was) and quite frankly felt attacked by his social media.

“If I believed it from anyone it would be that narcissist,” she conceded, biting on her lip.

“I know,” Jaskier agreed. “That’s the worst part. I feel like it’s my fault being blindsided by this, as though I should have known something was going to happen today.”

Essi snorted. “It’s not your fault your ex is the worst.”

“No, but I was with him for almost 3 years. I don’t know. That’s my fault.”

“Don’t be stupid,” she said. “Look at this desperate fucker. Do you actually think he’s winning? He might be in a new relationship but the look of this guy makes my vagina want to shrivel up and die.”

Jaskier took her phone from her and looked again. Yeah. Yikes. Valdo was definitely scraping the bottom of the barrel with that one. Jaskier hadn’t even tried to join any dating sites post-breakup, but he was pretty sure there were better options. It wasn’t even the guy’s looks so much as he just screamed skeevy douchebag. It was making Jaskier’s metaphorical vagina also want to die.

“You need to get drunk. Maybe laid.”

“No,” Jaskier said, an idea starting to form as he looked at the relationship status change. “No. I need to match pettiness with pettiness. I need to find someone so hot that I’d have trouble getting him - let alone Valdo with his sad, small dick - and make sure to post a picture on Facebook.”

“Would that make you feel better?”

Jaskier smiled with teeth. “I think it would.”

***

It was their third bar of the evening and Essi was definitely sick of the manhunt. She probably hadn’t realized that when Jaskier was judging men fully objectively and not looking for matching personalities (relationship goals) or a willing body (one night stand goals) he had incredibly discerning tastes.

Probably too discerning.

“How about him?” Essi asked, barely looking up from her phone. She gestured to a guy sitting at the bar trying to make eye contact with a woman across the room.

“Ehh,” Jaskier said. “Sweater vest.”

Essi rolled her eyes. “But cute.”

“I’m not looking for cute. I’m looking for eye-searing hot.”

“I’m having trouble remembering how you’ve ever been in any relationships with these unrealistic expectations.”

“Valdo thought I was hot.” Jaskier thought about that for a moment. “Did I stay with someone for three years out of flattery?”

“Probably. Fuck. Get therapy.”

“I am.”

“You’re going to be working on tonight for a while.”

Fucking true. “Oh god, we just saw Valdo’s taste in men. Tell me true… am I ugly.”

“You’re spiraling.”

“That’s not an answer!”

“You’re spiraling!”

“Yes,” Jaskier agreed, pulling at his hair. “I’m so aware.”

“Based on the guy in his status update I’m going to guess you’re the hottest guy he could get.”

“You’re a good friend.” Jaskier pressed his head against her shoulder.

Then, a table opened up across the room, revealing the man sitting on the other side of it. “Holy shit.”

Essi looked up. Then she looked up. “Wow.”

“I hope he’s into men,” Jaskier said. “Or at least willing to play along with pretending to be for long enough for you to get a picture.”

“You’re going to walk up to that?” Essi asked. “You have more balls than brains.”

That was probably true.

***

“Hi, I’m Jaskier,” he opened with, dropping into the seat across from the gorgeous man. Up close he was even more startlingly pretty, with a chin dimple that highlighted his strong jaw and drew attention to his mouth. “And my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago, only to post his new relationship on Facebook today. Our three year anniversary. It’s the dickest of moves, right?”

The man hummed in agreement, but otherwise didn’t stop frowning in Jaskier’s general direction. Like someone waiting for him to get to the point. Jaskier saw that frown often.

“The reason for the oversharing is that I just forced my best friend to follow me to three different bars to find someone so phenomenally hot for me to spend time with and get picture proof, and here you are. I’d do jazz hands but you don’t seem like someone who responds well to jazz hands.”

“What are jazz hands?”

Whoa.

What a voice. What a sexy, sexy voice. Jaskier knew what he was talking about. He was a connoisseur of voices.

Jaskier wiggled his fingers at him. Tada! “Jazz hands.”

“Huh.” The man took a drink of his beer. “You want to use me as a revenge plot?”

“Exactly. Can I buy you a drink?”

The man gestured to his mostly full beer. “I’m not drinking to get drunk tonight.”

That was only a no to the beer. “Nachos or some other foodstuff?”

The guy seemed possibly interested in food.  

“Fine,” he agreed.  

****

Facebook: Julian Alfred Pankratz is in a relationship with Geralt of Rivia.

“Who’s Julian Pankratz?” Geralt muttered, staring at his phone.

“What?” Jaskier groaned, coming out a shitty sleep to a few realizations:

He’d gone home with the hottest guy on earth, which he should be pleased about, AND WAS PLEASED ABOUT

He might throw up

He’d done something last night. Something he’d said “that’s up for tomorrow Jaskier to sort out” because his drunk self was apparently a fucking masochist, and now Jaskier wasn’t really sure what that was.

Only Geralt was still scowling at his phone and seemed to know his real name.

So.

“Fuck,” Jaskier groaned. His mouth tasted like nachos and the regret of doing shots too late in life. He was 28 years old, not dead, but his hangover didn’t seem to know that.  “We didn’t get married , did we?”

“...”

Jaskier risked the light filtering in through the edges of the blinds to look at Geralt. His hair was beyond mussed - Jaskier didn’t know hair could get that tangled overnight. He was still frowning at his phone.

“I’ve been calling you Jaskier.”

“I go by Jaskier,” he promised. He was too busy having his own crises to deal with Geralt’s! For fucksakes. “Now, back to the marriage thing??”

“No.”

Phew. That was probably on him. He wasn’t sure people could actually get fake married overnight. Legally. He’d seen a lot of movies, though.

Ok. Next problem.  “I might throw up.”

Geralt turned his head slowly to look at him. Yikes. Too much beautiful-man-face in his face for this early in the morning.

“It’s eleven,” Geralt told him in the dry tone that told Jaskier he’d said that all outloud.

“Eleven after getting to bed at what? Five? Eugh, boo. Do you have any food?”

***

Geralt did have food.

Well, Geralt had protein bars and electrolytes, which was basically the same thing. Jaskier could always fall on top of a burger on his way home if he had to.  He’d finally looked at his phone by the time he was halfway through his breakfast.

107 new notifications.

What the fuck?

Julian Alfred Pankratz is in a relationship with Geralt of Rivia

Geralt and I were going to wait until announcing this wasn’t an asshole move, but now that it doesn’t really matter, I just wanted everyone to know that I’m doing GREAT.

Attached to it was the picture of the two of them together that Essi had taken with the caption of “I wouldn’t feel too sorry for Jaskier tonight”

His drunk self had a lot to answer for. No wonder Geralt had been scowling at his phone.

“I can’t believe I went Facebook Official with someone I haven’t even had sex with yet,” Jaskier mourned. “What is it, 2007?”

***

It took Jaskier almost the full day to recover enough to actually look through his comments on Facebook. By the time he had, they’d almost doubled and he’d made the mistake of clicking into Instagram to find one of those quintessential happy-relationship-our-feet-are-cute-together bullshit pictures. He had a different following on Instagram, mostly using it for pictures of himself singing.

Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. This wasn’t a contained problem, if you could call their mutual friends and families on Facebook that had been gathering in the wings for 15 years a contained problem . Fucking Facebook. Jaskier friended people he’d met once. He had a database of acquaintances. It was great for - you know - being a musician looking for gigs. He’d done 15 weddings in the last year.

It was pretty shitty when he’d faked having a boyfriend so people wouldn’t feel bad for him.

But, as he read through the comments and realized that some of them weren’t for him, he realized that maybe he wasn’t the one with the biggest problem.

Jaskier: Did you just come out?

Jaskier: Are you EVEN INTO MEN?

Jaskier: I REMEMBER YOU THINKING THIS WAS FUNNY AND AGREEING TO IT

Jaskier: BUT

Jaskier: I REGRET COMMITTING TO CAPS SO SOON BECAUSE I MEAN THIS IN CAPS AND BOLDED

Jaskier: WHOEVER LAMBERT IS JUST CONGRATULATED YOU ON FINALLY GETTING DICKED DOWN BECAUSE IT MIGHT MAKE YOU LESS GRUMPY

Geralt: I see you’ve read the comments

Geralt: my brother

Jaskier: YOUR BROTHER?!

Geralt: bold and caps?

Jaskier: and italics what the fuck. Why’d you let me do this?

Jaskier: wait.

Jaskier: WAIT

Geralt: there it is

Jaskier: this was your idea

Jaskier: did you use me to tell everyone you know that you’re gay or bi or whatever you identify as?

Jaskier: what a brilliant opportunity last night was for both of us

Geralt: you went back to sleep and didn’t process any of this yet, didn’t you?

Jaskier had been seen with that, fuck. He made a face at his phone even though Geralt couldn't see it.

A few moments later a response to Lambert popped up from Geralt himself.

@Lambert who says I haven’t been getting dicked down this entire time you heteronormative asshole

Followed by someone named Yennefer posting a picture of a strap on.

Who were these people? Could you love someone based on how their friends reacted to their ill-advised fake-relationship status change? Asking for a friend.

Geralt: for context, that’s my ex-wife

Geralt: we’re ok

Geralt: especially when she’s helping me fuck with my brother

***

Jaskier was debating the merits of asking Geralt if he wanted to come up with a break-up plan or just date when another comment showed up.

Vesemir left a comment:

You’ll bring him to brunch tomorrow?

Geralt left a comment:

We’ll be there

Vesemir left a comment:

Leave the frightening device at home

Geralt left a comment:

He doesn’t need it

This was followed by a string of variations of LOL and OH SHITs from about 7 different people. Jaskier watched it all unfold feeling like he’d stepped into the middle of something he didn’t understand - yet. He was definitely in trouble, if the way his heart rate increased at Geralt’s he doesn’t need it was any indication. It wasn’t even the dick reference, though that was amazing. It was the snappy, quick response. The underlying sarcasm.

Jaskier had a type. He could end a fake relationship that was based on seeing a searing hot guy across a room, but it was a bit harder when the guy had a personality he liked. If Geralt turned out to have a heart of gold, Jaskier was screwed and would probably be proposing marriage by year’s end.

Yeah, we’ll be there , he commented.

Geralt: my dad

Geralt: thanks

Jaskier: no problem

Jaskier : gonna call

“So I’m thinking,” Jaskier said the moment Geralt’s face showed up on the video call. He was squinting at his phone like no one had ever tried to video call him before.

“Hi,” Geralt replied, looking amused.

“I’ve been debating the merits of planning a breakup for our fake relationship or just… dating? I’m thinking maybe we should date? Do you have input?”

“Dating’s fine.”

“But do you… are you even attracted to me? Would you pick me?”

Oh fuck, what was that?! Something new to bring up in therapy.

Geralt tilted his head.  “You don’t know this about me yet, but I’m capable of saying no. Overly capable, some of my family might tell you.”

“So you’re not saying no?”

“I’m pretty confident I said yes instead.”

***

“As Jaskier’s best friend and the only witness,” Essi said into the microphone, holding up a glass of champagne to salute the two of them. “Our happy couple gave me full permission to tell the story of what happened the night Geralt and Jaskier met. Like Jaskier himself, the story is partially an embarrassing tale of bad decisions, half-cocked plans, and a lot of heart.”

Jaskier grinned, and nudged his shoulder into Geralt’s.

“And,” Essi continued with glee, “dicks in every definition.”

[snelbz]

Shot to the Heart {Rowaelin AU Fluff}

Tag Team with @tacmc aka the BDavis to myPSawyer.

Once a month, everyone took a night to spend time together, outside of a bar, and just have fun. Oftentimes, that meant a game night at someone’s house, a nice dinner or ice skating, in the winter. But sometimes, they liked to get out and do more fun things. They’d been zip lining, kayaking, played putt putt, you name it. There were times where things got a little competitive between them all, especially when they decided to compete between the sexes.

They were still banned from the Strike & Spare from the last boys and girls night.

So when it was Elide and Lorcan’s turn to choose, they decided to do something a little more conducive to their violent behavior.

“Where exactly are we going?” Aelin asked as she climbed into Rowan’s truck.

He glanced at his watch. “No clue, Lorcan just said to meet at Rita’s at eight.”

“That’s dangerous,” Aelin muttered, but her grin told him that she approved.

He pulled onto the road and began their drive, only the radio playing in the background. He kept trying not to stare, even though she looked beautiful and he wanted to tell her as much. They’d been best friends for years, always teasing that fine line between best friends and so much more.

Their friends constantly teased them about it, as they all began to settle down one by one.

You already spend as much time together as a couple does.

They’d always had reasons not to though. In high school, there was Sam and Lyria, though the four of them were always together. Makes sense that they ended up together, after they both went away to Fennharrow for college. Rowan and Aelin couldn’t be happier for them. The break ups had been amicable and they were going to Fennharrow together for their wedding next Spring.

In college, Aelin had met Chaol and Rowan had Remelle. Chaol was a permanent figure for a while, but Remelle was more of a time to time thing. They’d both been single for a while, but nothing had ever happened. There were many glances and accidental brushes between them, more so when the two of them had a movie night.

Then, the next time they saw one another, they pretended like nothing had happened.

Rowan didn’t mind it, though. He preferred to have Aelin as a best friend then not have her at all. Even if he did make a move one day, he didn’t know how she would take it.

When Rowan pulled into Rita’s, the others were already there, on the patio, drinks on their hands. Aelin was out before he was, hurrying over to throw her arms around Lysandra and Elide. Rowan watched her before grabbing his wallet, his phone, and his keys and joining them there.

Lorcan was watching him suspiciously.

He sat next to him, motioning to their regular server for his regular drink. He looked over and found Lorcan still looking at him.

“What?” He asked.

Lorcan raises his beer to his lips. “This a date?”

Rowan rolled his eyes. “No, I offered to drive her because it was on the way and she can’t hold her liquor.”

The two looked up and found the trio of girls tossing back a shot of amber liquid.

Lorcan took his drink, setting the bottle on the table top and crossing his ankle over his knee. “It’s reasonable, as far as your excuses go. Both are valid and make sense.”

Two dark bottles appeared in front of them and their server slipped away like she’d never been there.

“It’s not an excuse,” Rowan muttered, taking a sip from his glass. “It’s a fact.”

“Whatever you say,” Lorcan mumbled, but it was blatantly obvious that he thought Rowan was full of shit. “But when you two get married, Elide has called Maid of Honor.”

It took everything in Rowan’s power not to roll his eyes. “Don’t you two have anything better to talk about when you’re alone?”

“We’ve been together for five years,” Lorcan said, as if it was an appropriate answer. “So...no. We talk about bills, who’s going to do the dishes, and when the hell the two of you are going to fuck.”

Rowan choked on his drink.

“I never thought I’d have to ask this, but please don’t discuss my sex life with your fiancée.”

“Excuse you?”

Rowan and Lorcan looked up and found Elide and Aelin standing at the end of the table.

Rowan stammered but Lorcan laughed quietly.

“Okay,” Aelin said, awkwardly, “Is everyone here?”

Elide sat down next to Lorcan and said, “Fenrys, Asterin, and Manon are meeting us at the...place. Dorian is already there.”

“So, that’s a yes?” Aelin laughed.

“That’s a yes,” Elide confirmed, snuggling up close to Lorcan’s massive frame. “So, let’s get tipsy and go get banned from yet another family-friendly establishment.”

Lorcan snorted and raised his glass.

Rowan raised his glass to Aelin’s and met it with a clink.

“Our friends are ridiculous,” Aelin said, underneath her breath.

“Sometimes I wonder why I keep coming back,” Rowan replied, before chugging half his glass and setting it down on the table. When he met her humored gaze, he was reminded exactly why he kept coming back.

They finished their drinks and Rowan and Aelin packed themselves back up into Rowan’s truck so that they could follow Lorcan and Elide to the surprise location. Aedion and Lysandra stayed to order food and would join them shortly.

“So what conversation did I walk in on back there?” Aelin asked once they were on the way.

Rowan cleared his throat and said, “What conversation?”

Without even looking, he knew she had an eyebrow raised. “Really, Rowan. The conversation about your sex life.”

“Just Lorcan being an asshole,” he said, trying to wave her off the conversation.

Aelin was looking at him, and he was trying so hard not to look back

“I have no sex life,” Rowan blurted, after her silence had gone on a few seconds too long. “Not that I’ve never had sex, or don’t have opportunities to...Gods. Nevermind.”

Aelin was laughing quietly. “Holy shit, you’re flustered.”

“No, I’m not,” he said, gripping the wheel a little bit tighter. “I’m just...very personal.”

“Even with me?” She asked, humored.

Especially with you, he thought. Instead, he said, “Yes.”

Her grin only widened. “When’s the last time you got laid, Ro?”

His cheeks were on fire. His ears were on fire. The back of his neck was on fire. Everything was on fire. He cleared his throat again. “That’s none of your business.”

“Just tell me if it was recent or not,” she turned in her seatbelt to face him.

“No,” he laughed. “I’m not telling you that.”

Aelin said, “Why not, we tell each other everything. I’ll tell you.”

“Please, please don’t,” he blurted.

She lifted a brow, then began to nod, slowly, recognition showing in her eyes. Rowan suddenly felt like an idiot, but then Aelin said, quietly, “It’s been a long ass time, if that makes you feel any better.”

“I don’t- it doesn’t-.” His words broke off as he sighed, and Aelin laughed quietly. “You go get some if you wanna get some… I just…don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.”

“How very kind of you,” Aelin crooned, but he was sure he ruined it all now, was certain she knew that he was full of bullshit.

“As your best friend, that’s my job,” Rowan said, trying to make himself sound convincing.

As he pulled up to a red light, she leaned over and patted his cheek. “And you’ve done a wonderful job.”

Unable to stop himself, he turned and pressed his lips to her palm, locking eyes with her. It was the ballsiest thing he’d ever done and he felt hot and cold all over as he waited for her to react. She swallowed hard, tongue peeking out to wet her bottom lip and-.

A horn honked behind them, as the light had been green for longer than two seconds, and Rowan turned his head forward as quickly as Aelin withdrew her arm back to her own side of the cab. He hit the gas and they took off, and Aelin flipped the bird behind them.

“Ace,” he laughed, “you can’t do that. He had every right to honk at me.”

She crossed her arms and sat up a little higher. “Yeah, well he didn’t have to lay on his horn like an asshole. A simple beep beep would have sufficed. Stupid, impatient fucker.”

The truck got quiet for a second and then they both dissolved into laughter, the tension from the moment before fading into near obscurity.

Two minutes later they followed Lorcan’s car into the parking lot of a laser tag facility, and Rowan swore under his breath.

Aelin laughed. “What? You don’t like laser tag?”

“The last time I played laser tag, I was twelve and ate too much shitty pizza,” he muttered, parking and turning off the engine. “Let’s just say they had to stop the game, turn the lights on, and call for the janitor to come in with a mop.”

“Aw,” Aelin said, her grin suggesting that she felt no pity. “Well, it’s a decade later, and you’ve had no shitty pizza. So, get out and let me kick your ass.”

Before Rowan could reply, she was out of the truck and closing the door behind her.

He groaned and laughed quietly as he had a feeling he was in for a hell of a night.

He got out of the truck and slipped his hands in his pockets as he walked over to where everyone was grouping up.

“I want to be up front and say that I feel like the girls cheated,” Rowan said to Lorcan as he leaned against the rail next to him.

“And why is that?” Elide asked, outrage written across her face.

“Because every single one of you are wearing black.” Lorcan tossed a pointed glance at his fiancée.

Elide held up her hands. “I said nothing.”

Manon’s man-eating grin said otherwise.

Rowan looked down at his light gray t-shirt. At least it wouldn’t glow when they got inside, unlike Dorian’s pure white v-neck.

“If Aedion and Lys don’t get here soon, we’re starting without them,” Manon announced, already growing impatient.

“Agreed,” Lorcan said.

They waited thirty more seconds before the impatience grew unbearable, then their group of eight was walking in.

Girls vs. boys.

Rowan was unprepared. He needed another drink.

Thankfully, it seemed Lorcan was in agreement because the first place he went was to the snack bar and ordered two pitchers of beer. Rowan reached for one of the glasses but Lorcan pulled them back.

“Nope, these are part of the game.”

Rowan raised an eyebrow as Elide began to explain the rules.

For the most part, it was the regular run of the laser tag - hit your opponents’ targets with your point-and-shoot laser pointer and get the most points for your team. There was one caveat though.

“Both pitchers have to be empty by the end of the round,” Lorcan announced. “If your team doesn’t finish your pitcher, you automatically lose.”

“It doesn’t have to be drunk equally. If Aelin doesn’t feel like drinking,” Lorcan mumbled Like that would ever happen, and Aelin glared at him, “she doesn’t have to drink. Just as long as its empty at the end.”

They all voiced their agreement, put on their vests and gathered their guns, then they were tossed into the room.

Rowan was met with darkness and neon, glowing lights as he hurried into a tower. It was his go to. Get to the highest point, and see everyone. Then he paused, as he noticed a lock of his hair falling down in front of his face.

He had silver hair, in a room full of blacklights.

He was instantly a target.

After cursing his hair, he was on the move. He spotted Manon from the other side of the room, took aim, and hit her target.

She yelled a curse at him before he was moving, once more.

He headed for the predetermined boys base, and filled a cup with beer. It seemed he was the first to do so, but Fenrys soon jogged up, muttering about how it was unfair for a marksman like Manon to even be playing this game. His chest target was lit up red and he had a good ten seconds left before he could get back in the game. He saw Rowan and said, “That your first?”

He nodded and began drinking. “Drink two every time we stop?”

Fen nodded. “Quickest way to kill it.”

They both took a minute to chug before Rowan asked, “Seen Aelin?”

Fenrys shook his head. “She’s got a good spot, I’m sure. She has the mind for these things. Strategic.”

Rowan agreed. She was that.

After setting his plastic cup down, Rowan was back on the move.

He crept around a few different corners before he caught sight of her golden ponytail. He followed her, slowly, fully aware that he didn’t have the same graceful, quiet movements that she did. He knew there was straightaway up ahead and if he could stay back long enough, he could get a clean shot on her as she fled to the other side.

He crept along the final corner, pausing to peek behind him-.

He felt a hand on his chest and looked back to find Aelin gazing up at him. He didn’t even fumble for his gun as she pushed slightly and he backed up a few steps. His back hit the wall with a quiet thump and Aelin said, quietly, “Would you like to do what you did in the truck one more time?”

He hesitated, unsure if he was understanding her correctly. She took his bewildered look as acceptance, though, because her smile softened as she leaned up on her toes and pulled his face closer to hers with her hand on the back of his head.

Their lips met softly in the middle, once, twice, slowly, gently.

She tasted bitterly sweet, her peach chapstick mixed with the tequila shots she had earlier and the beer she was downing now. Rowan wanted the moment to last forever, but it was soon broken as Aelin leaned back, her eyes bright.

He smiled and leaned down, wanting to capture her lips against his one more time, closing his eyes.

There was a loud buzzing and then his best began to vibrate. His eyes shot open and Aelin was running away, a devilish glint in her eyes.

He blinked, watching her run away.

She had shot him.

She had kissed him.

Then she had shot him.

He stood, completely frozen, utterly dumbfounded.

Lorcan came around the corner, saw that he’d been shot, and shook his head. “You suck at this, Whitethorn.”

Rowan couldn’t even remember how to form words for a sarcastic reply. Instead, he just turned and walked back toward the pitcher of beer, where he downed two more glasses before deciding to hunt Aelin down as the alcohol warmed his body.

He knew the girls couldn’t be as close to finishing as they were, especially seeing Dorian heading back to their base with maybe one full cup and a half left in their pitcher. Rowan successfully snuck around to where the girls had named their base and found a perfect wall to crouch behind and lie in wait. The pitcher was directly in his line of sight, and it was still over half full.

Elide ran right past his hiding place without noticing him and he knew he could get a free shot out of it, but he’d give away his position. So he waited and he bided his time.

Rowan had just begun scoping out the alley behind his when a flash of white to his left distracted him. Manon ran by putting the pitcher directly to her lips and drinking. His eyebrows raised as she took down a sizable amount of their beer at once, but Aelin appeared beside her. They spoke animatedly and Aelin laughed as Manon ran back down the middle lane, hunting for another victim.

Holding his breath, he threw the empty plastic cup he’d been holding down the empty alley beside him.

Aelin heard it immediately, turning and staring in his direction. He was obscured by the half wall and as soon as she crept by, her gun aimed down the alley, he reached out and wrapped his hand around her wrist, pinning it - and her gun - to the wall.

Her eyes were bright with excitement and he couldn’t stop his gaze from dipping down and watching intently as she bit her bottom lip.

He didn’t know why his voice had dropped so low, why it sounded like he’d been gargling nails, but he leaned down by her ear and breathed, “Was that just so you could distract me?”

He was almost worried for her reply, but then she asked, “Is this just so you can distract me?”

He glanced down, not even realizing he’d been using his body to press her into the wall, hadn’t realized how close their faces had gotten.

He shook his head, slowly, the tip of his nose brushing hers ever so lightly.

Aelin sucked in a breath as she whispered, “Good.”

He kissed her then, much harder than she had kissed him. He slowly dropped her arms that were pinned to the wall, only so he could drop his gun and cup her face. Those delicate, steady arms of hers wrapped around his waist and she held his body close up against hers.

Aelin brushed her tongue along the seam of Rowan’s lips, asking permission, not just taking as she’d done before. But there was nothing he wouldn’t do for this woman, nothing he wouldn’t give to her if it was in his power. He opened for her and let his tongue brush against hers softly. She groaned quietly.

Rowan pulled back, catching his breath, and rested his forehead against hers. He took the moment to gaze at her in the darkness. She was the most beautiful damn thing he’d ever seen.

She breathed, “I’ve wanted to do that for a really, really long time.”

“Me too,” he whispered, laughing quietly. He brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear as he kissed her, once again, damning the game and forgetting about their friends.

For a moment, it was just the two of them, and that was all he cared about.

[heymacy]

author interview

i was tagged by my beloved @iansfreckles 🧡🧡🧡

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

5, about to be 6! ✨

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

233,543 holy WOW

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Teenage Dirtbag

Teenage Dirtbag: The One Shots

pulling on your threads

The Ginger Intruder

Help Is Other People

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i don’t usually and i feel fucking awful about it. i don’t really leave comments either, but i’m getting better about that 🥺 i’m way better about answering asks, but even that’s hard sometimes because i don’t wanna put spoilers on people’s dashboards unintentionally. idk, i have a lot of anxiety surrounding that sort of stuff but i’m trying to do better! i’m challenging myself to respond to every single comment on chapter 1 of TLO 😤

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

oh boy. um, none of them? when i finish HIOP (i haven’t abandoned it, i’ve just been hella busy with TLO and life and stuff) it’ll have a similar sort of bittersweet ending as in TGP canon, but i don’t particularly like truly angsty endings. i honestly don’t know if i’ll ever write one. angst in a fic? yes, absolutely, tons of it, please. but i need a happy ending. 

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

teenage dirtbag 🥺🥰 those lil fuckers really did that, didn’t they?

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

“Help Is Other People” is sort of a shameless/TGP crossover bc of characters & concepts, but it’s not exactly a “crossover” in the traditional sense? it’s probably the only one i’ll ever write bc it just happened to line up perfectly with the character journeys, it was never my intention to write a crossover because i personally don’t care for them lmao

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

shockingly enough, no. not in the comments or anything. i’ve had a few rude anons but their messages were written in such a way i knew it was a them-issue and i just happened to say/write something that they didn’t particularly like in that moment and became a target of their anger. if i ever did get a true hate comment, y’all would never know because i would never publish it & give them that sort of satisfaction, lmao. i mean, i might, if it was funny and i needed to make a point 👀

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, sparingly. well, until TLO comes along 🤭 then “sparingly” will be replaced with “gratuitously” for a while, oops 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ and all kinds, eventually. my only published stuff right now is awkward boyfriends content and TLO is…very different lmao

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no, and holy shit that happens?? oh that’s fucked up

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but oh my god i’d cry if that happened

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no! but i think it would be fun to try when i’m not so busy with other projects lmao (don’t worry, i’ll be stickin’ around this little sphere of the internet for quite some time)

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

all time? temperance brennan and seeley booth from “bones”. then ian and mickey, then my headcanon versions of alice cullen and bella swan. yes i’ve written fic for all of them. yes i enjoy my characters with a dash of ✨trauma✨ and what about it? 😌

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

none, i will finish every WIP i ever start goddammit 😤😤😤 (this is more for me than anyone else)

15. What are your writing strengths?

i have a hard time gauging my own strengths, so here’s what people have told me in messages/comments before: thoughtful world-building, immersive and/or cinematic writing style, creative storylines. and i’ll agree with them bc i’m trying to be better about doing that 💛

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

much like in real life, i talk too much. my writing is often long-winded and rambling and it’s definitely something i’m working on. i also change a lot of shit last minute so maintaining consistency with small details is difficult for me sometimes, and i lose a lot of writing time to double-and-triple-checking every little stupid thing 😭

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think it’s a really interesting artistic choice to write a fic in one language and have pieces of dialogue in another language within the story - if i came across that in a fic, i’d be hitting google translate immediately because i’d be so curious - it could be interesting to hide a lil easter egg in a story that way 👀

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

twilight FUCK OFF

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

i have literally no idea, i hadn’t written fic for 6 years before i started writing TD and i only started again because i was so invested in the characters!

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

teenage dirtbag 😍 my child, my love, my heart and soul, you’re everything to me 💛

i’m tagging: @arrowflier @gardenerian @sweetcresta & @xgoldendays 🥰

[tearlessrain]

I posted 11,900 times in 2021

964 posts created (8%)

10936 posts reblogged (92%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 11.3 posts.

I added 403 tags in 2021

#horseblogging - 94 posts

#tearless vs swtor - 80 posts

#long post - 67 posts

#reference - 36 posts

#khatte - 36 posts

#polycult of the kraken - 25 posts

#elves behaving badly - 20 posts

#ask meme - 19 posts

#jial-ro - 14 posts

#holy shit - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#look i’m sure valdrynn ‘walking electrical storm with a laser sword’ kallig could pull off stealth and infiltration if he absolutely had to

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

granted it would be better if this wasn’t an issue in the first place but it’s still one of my favorite things when the directors/writers of a show/movie are super cagey about a character the fans broadly interpret as gay-coded, and then the actor gets an interview and he’s like “oh yeah I decided to play him as profoundly homosexual. that was on purpose. as far as I’m concerned he thinks of nothing but cock. and also his copilot, whose actor I’ve been in cahoots with about this since episode one. they are both so incredibly gay and you can quote me on this.”

922 notes • Posted 2021-11-28 02:45:44 GMT

#4

Which wolf clipart?

this fucker:

I call it Lumpy Kiba and I’ve seen it used for car decals, stickers, clipart, traced with varying degrees of obviousness by artists of all skill/experience levels, I’m pretty sure I saw it in some small local company’s logo once.

here’s the original still from Wolf’s Rain (which is not a lot less weird-looking, but it looks fine in a stylized anime where it’s supposed to be), which I saw early in high school and ever since have had to live with apparently being the only one who knows that all these people just fucking traced an anime wolf.

See the full post

1148 notes • Posted 2021-04-15 23:55:38 GMT

#3

I’m sorry but this is the funniest possible content warning for a star trek episode

10944 notes • Posted 2021-04-13 00:57:24 GMT

#2

I miss when computers and websites were just wildly customizable in ridiculous ways. when I was a kid I was messing around and randomly found a little running horse cursor that was just there for some reason and changed the hourglass to that. and then got yelled at by my dad because he assumed I’d downloaded it off the internet but yknow.

nobody does shit like that anymore. I can’t just put “the 5th moon of jupiter” as my facebook location anymore because they decided to be killjoys so they could stalk people better and windows won’t let you customize your whole interface in stupid ways and they treat their user base like idiots.

like not to be a salty old man but there’s no joy in it anymore I’m just resigned that even if I customize shit I’ll still be forced to install the next mandatory update that will put it all back to its pristine bullshit original state and also break my system volume control for some reason.

41253 notes • Posted 2021-07-19 04:32:26 GMT

#1

a garbage man ran out of the bushes in front of my car, which is fine because I’m used to deer on that road and was already driving carefully, but I’m so used to deer that instead of like, watching the truck to see if he was crossing again I watched the bushes he’d come from in case there were like. 1-2 smaller, frailer garbage men following him I guess.

46516 notes • Posted 2021-08-16 18:21:46 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[charmed-asylum]

𝒩ℴ𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃ℊ ℰ𝓁𝓈ℯ ℳ𝒶𝓉𝓉ℯ𝓇

𝒩ℴ𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃ℊ ℰ𝓁𝓈ℯ ℳ𝒶𝓉𝓉ℯ𝓇 , Chapter 1

Summary: Rosary Woods used to spend her summers in Hawkins. Now years later with untimely death of her father, she sent to live with her grandparents. Coming back to a place that use to give her pleasant memories but now full with dark secrets she hopes never see daylight. Her plan was simple easy till one night she finds a drunk boy full of curls and after life never the same.

FYI: This is my 1st fanfic. I do have dyslexia so if something wrong let me know. If you like it let me know same if you don’t. #Foodie be out this week too. ** Side note I’m looking for some talent ** tag list open

𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝐿𝒾𝓈𝓉

Tagged: @alagalaska @nottherightseason @alias-b @screensirenfic @linkispink1995 @staticscreenwriting

How the hell did all this happened. How the FUCK this happen. How did I end up alone on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere? Cold as hell with a runny nose from my tears and sharp pain of betrayal. I know now. It all started a couple of months ago. When I was tossed into this hickory town. Where one night find a stupid blue eyes boy drunk out his mind. With your stupid Mother, Mary's attitude had to help him. Now that drunk piece of shit made you fall for him to drop kick you in a small amount of a few months.

My brown eyes fill with glittery tears, tried to think back on every step that lead me here what was it? What did I do wrong? What I would do to go back to that night in October. Go back to that day I met that boy that came out of nowhere and changed my life

🍂🍂🍂

The fall air left a warm scent as I walk out the greyhound in my short denim overalls with a plain white short-sleeved shirt and black and white converses with black laces. My long midnight black wavy hair dancing with the wind with my red heart shades on, taking my around at my surroundings. Even though I have been here many times, this was the first time I came that wasn’t summer visits.

Those had an arrival and departure two way this time though was a one way. It was a lot different than home, Florida. It’s always sunny and things to do unlike here. Flipping my cassette player back on I walk over to the rusted metal benches and wait for my ride. I didn’t want to be here. However, when you have no other choice what can you do. My life stuffed in my dad's old beat-up army bag. I lend back hoping this was a dream and I wake up home with my dad not here. I didn’t hate here I just hate why I’m here. The two-day bus rides a dread and didn't help. Still, I’m stuck with nothing to do but cruise under the radar till graduation. Toss the cap in the air and by the time it's back in my hands I have another ticket to somewhere else.

I gentle tap took me out from my inner monologue into reality. An older woman in her 60s with short curly golden frost hair bright red lipstick that got bit on her front tooth in a flower print long dress. In all, she was the fifth unseen golden girl or what I know her as grams.

“‘HELLO ROSARY. You hear me call for you over there by the car” Grams shouts into my ear. Looking up at her I smile and move my bag out the way to hug her tight.

“ Sorry, the meds got me all out of it. Hi, grams it good to see you” I said holding onto the strap of my bag. She gave me a nod and kiss my cheek leaving an imprint.

“ Oh shut I forgot. Sorry, we couldn’t get your flights no airport close by. Sweetie. Grab your bag we can go home” Grams says walking and talking to the car. Tucking my shades in my pocket I follow her music still playing in my ears.

“ Where Papa at,” I asked looking out the window.

“ Oh, he at the diner checking on things. But he will be back by dinner. I sign you up for school. You start tomorrow. Your car will be ship here in two weeks so the bus to school till then” Grams said pulling up to the house. “ Look, honey. I know things have been hard the last few months but coming here can be your fresh start. So it’s up to you what you do. Stay sane try to be different better you dear” Grams said getting out of the car. Simply put it don’t fuck up this time.

“ Yes. Ma’am. I’m gonna the perfect granddaughter” I said with a eat shit grin.

“Don’t do that it’s tacky. I did not mean what I said that way sweetie. Huh lord, I need my soaps. Drop your stuff in your room” Grams said walking into the house.

My room more like a guest room. They tried though I give them that the last time I been here was years ago when I was 11. Then after that was with my dad across seas. By then the damage was done. Walls were eggshell white with a few pictures of me by dad and them that set on the wall by the window. The bed was against the wall with a small glass nightstand with a trunk in front. Probably the same one my dad had when he was my age. The small closet across the bed and an old oakwood dresser. This will do I’m sure in no time she can make it homie. I push my hand on the bed testing out the string a bit. This is my life now. Better just get used to it. Anger bubble deep in my chest as it slowly starts to hit me. This is a life I don't want. I wanted the life I had before one that was far from perfect but he was there. I toss my bag beside me with a bit of force and scream into my hands.

It took no time till I was done. I change up the pictures and some more on my dresser. A few things on the nightstand then to top it off my mint condition organized record collection in a purple crat that sat beside my dad's 1960s Gibson Hummingbird Fixed Bridge acoustic guitar.

“ So you all done. It’s not much but we go somewhere someday. Sorry, papa wasn’t here. After Benny passed away our place been the hot spot. Back to the glory days, he says” Grams said with a chuckle. I sat down beside her legs cross under me and started to flip through Good Housekeeping

“ So Benny no more. Anything else happens since I have been here last” I asked getting comfortable.

“Let's see. That Will kid you babysit a few times went miss for a week or so. Last year. And that’s about it. I don’t pay much attention to those things. Papa and I are going to bible study tonight. I know you not up to it this week. So you don’t have to go but I am looking forward to next week” Grams said. I ruffled my hand into my deep chocolate hair and nod yes.

“ I would love that. Thank you. That reminds me. I have to fill up on my pain killers. If it’s not much to ask can you please take me one day this week? Or may I go into town myself” I asked taking out my pill bottle?

Still, months later the pain reminds the same. Even the memories still were in tack as if it happened minutes ago. A tear rolled down my face just reliving it. Grams hold me tight smoothing me and rubbing my back as I let out a heavy cry. My dainty finger claw into her shoulder blade as tight as possible. I didn’t hate that I was here I just hate the why.

🌙🌙🌙

DADDY!!” I shout out. My body was soaked with a cold sweat and tears still running down my cheeks. Too weak to even move, I bend over cup my hands into my face, and scream.

Always the nightmares. Always the same two each night. Back home I would find a party or smoke or wave to ride but here. NOTHING. I promise a new me I remind myself. One that is not set to explode any second. One that took all their demons and bury it in the deepest hole. This me doesn’t let them loose but keep them hidden tight. That won’t break and burn everything she touches. This me be gentle, kind, and read the Bible instead of throwing my fist. I promise my father that even my estranged grandparents will be better.

After a good pity party, I decided to stay wasn’t gonna help me. I needed to out. I toss on some navy blue gym shorts pull down my Scooby-Doo t-shirt, which was getting a little bit smaller than last time I warn it years ago, decided for a walk.

Grams and Papa came back from church just after 11. Just missing the kids trick or treating. I stay back gave an empty smile say hello few folks who came by or heard over the rumor mill I was back. None who I really care about. The clock blink, 3:00. The cool breeze comforts me like a blanket over my shoulders. Music played close to mute. I thought about it all. If he at peace would I see him again. Could I make it to June in this town?

Far ahead of me on my way back, I saw a figure laying on the crisp grass. After the stories, Grams told me I wonder if it was anything important. As I got closer I saw an outline of a person. I stop and slow my walking this time with caution. Till I was right beside him. He was rocking back and forth humming some song no shirt tight-ass pants and hair messy with no shoes. This boy diffidently was fucking or having a good time. Part of me envies him and that freedom. Another knew it was because even if I don’t say it out loud he beautiful mess. Totally my type and that what it got tricky he was a reminder of the past I was hoping to leave behind. Flipping my hair out my face I got down to eye level and gently touch him.

“ Hey Hey you alright, “ I asked shaking him a bit.

He looks up and grins at me with a sleepy doozy grin. His eyes sparkle in the night sky and for a second I forgot he was drunk. My stomach did this thing I only ever felt a few times before. Back when I was happy. I shook my head and look around for help or at less to see if he drove or had friends. No luck. Part of me thought it be best to leave but then I saw it. Right below his eyes the old bruise and cuts. My jaw tightened till it clicks.

“ Mommy. Mommy” he said touching my face. I felt the cold touch of his ring against my lips. I tap it to the side and wrap his arm around me to get him up. Praying to God he, not a psycho, or I will regret this. He started to kiss my neck all while calling me mommy. Kinky mother fucker

“ Yeah Hot Wheels, not your mommy come on almost there,” I said helping him back home. He giggles and tried to be a handy hand reaching my hip and butt.

“ Holy shit your you are your a doll baby” he slurred into my ear.

Praying any god’s that my grandparents don’t wake up to him almost knocking everything down. I put my hand to his mouth and a finger to mine so he shut up. On the first day of this new me, I’m playing babysitting to a drunk man child. With ease, I toss him on my bed. He cuddles with one of my pillows squeezing my old grumpy carebear and drifts to sleep. I waited a second before I went and made my own special hangover shake and a bucket for the morning. Taking more time time to clean his face a bit and hand as gentle as I could. Time blink at 3:58, I sat on the floor against my dresser and watch him sleep. Wondering if a boy like that had nightmares too.

I woke up two hours later. Still on the floor face left with a carpet imprint. The boy from this morning now turns over to the other side against the wall sound asleep. I got up from my spot on wobbly legs grab some things and head to the bathroom.

As the cold water hit my face I kept thinking about before till the face of baby blue came into mine. His eyes look like way mine when I look into the mirror and it puzzles me. Never have I found someone else that had the same eyes as mine. Apart from me wonder what was behind those eyes. I shack it off as I dry my hair. If the boy's eyes look like mine then that means on things, his demons were just as bad. I change into tacky stuck in time uniform and walk back deep in thoughts when I stop. The boy was gone. I rush out of my room almost tripping over my own foot, empty. Nothing change in my room just the note. It wasn’t till I sat and smell the faint scent of cologne and cigarettes. It wasn’t a dream he was real. I laugh at myself there no way I will be seeing him again.

🍂🍂🍂

He couldn’t remember much just that her face was half cover by her loose curly hair that shines against the streetlight. The innocent big brown eyes that went with a sugar-sweet smile. Even though she was nowhere close to his mom. He couldn’t help but think about her. He never saw someone that beautiful before. Holding on to her tight sniff her in, honey and vanilla. He wanted to stare at her as long as he could but as soon as he hit the twin size bed he was out.

“Fuck am I” he hissed holding his head trying to think what happened last night. Last he remembered was making out with some blonde at the Halloween party or was it sex. His eyes look at the cup and bucket. Brown eye. He slowly picks up the note and read it:

Sleepy Head, First off we did not have sex and no I don’t know you. What I can tell you is this you were drunk and laying on someone's lawn alone. I live on Church street and Maple Lane. If it’s before 6 and your reading this back door

He laughs at the note and put it back where he found it. It was still early Neil wouldn’t be awake if he left now. He thought maybe he leave a thank you but it decided against it. He promised himself no attachment just to graduate, save up, and leave. No room for nothing else. Before he left he heard noises from the bathroom. Sound like a peaceful lullaby. Inching close he peaks in to see a figure from behind the curtain. Shaking his head he slips out and all his Mary way her black and white Adidas flip flops whistling her lullaby.

[fantasticstoryteller]

New Dynasty Chapter 28

“Oopsy-daisy!” Deadpool said as he shook the body off his katana. The katana he had to then throw to the side since it was bent in the middle.

[I told you not to get them from that vendor. He clearly didn’t know what he was doing.]

{Ugh—his guts are all over our feet.}

Deadpool laughed maniacally, twirled, and shot the next four enemies. Then he looked around, slightly disappointed that there weren’t any more to kill.

[That was what, five bodyguards plus target? It was too easy.]

{There’s someone behind us.}

Deadpool whirled again, gun raised to the head of a young man. The man had white streaks in his orange hair, was dressed in an impeccable suit, and looked nervous. Deadpool didn’t take the nervous part personally—most people were when they talked to him. The young man had both hands raised and part of Deadpool sighed with regret that he wasn’t going to be able to kill the young man. He had two rules: kill no one unarmed and not trying to kill him (unless he was being paid insanely well for it) and two: no children—ever. There was not enough money in the world to make him consider killing a child.

The young man swallowed hard. “I’ve—I’ve heard a lot about you Deadpool.”

Deadpool shrugged without moving the gun. “People have. People talk. People die,” he said simply. “It’s all in good fun, I mean money. I mean money and fun.” He giggled.

The young man looked unnerved. Most people did after talking to Deadpool for a few minutes. “Well, that’s what I want to talk to you about.” The young man swallowed again. “I want to hire you to kill someone for me.”

“Oh? Who is that?”

“Spiderman.”

[Who the fuck is that?]

{Eh, forget. Let’s just kill this fucker.}

“Now now, we can’t kill him,” Deadpool said reasonably. “After all, he’s going to pay us to kill someone else.”

[And just what are you going to do with more money? Buy another shitty sword?]

“I’ll spend my money how I want it!” snarled Deadpool. The young man took a step back. “So, mister—uh—what’s your name?”

“Osborn. Norman Osborn.”

“Well Normie,” Deadpool said as he slipped his gun back into its holster. “We maybe have a deal.”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe. I have no fucking clue who Spiderman man, and I don’t kill kids.” He picked up the bent katana and sighed. “White’s right,” he muttered, “cheap ass sword. I bet the bastard wasn’t even a real smith.”

[We can always kill him on the way out of town.]

“So you’re going to do research?” Normie sounds surprised—astonished even.

“Oh yeah. Don’t get your panties in a twist,” he told the man. He swung the katana a few times.

{I don’t think it’ll work if we straighten it.}

“Shouldn’t have bent in the first fucking place,” grouched Deadpool as he lumbered off. He walked right off the roof, died, healed, and kept going. Once he reached his place (a real dump, but he didn’t care enough to clean up), he got on his computer (a state-of-the-art laptop because who wants to look at grainy porn), and started researching Spiderman.

According to the inter-web, he he, the spider has only been around for about six months, was both credited for stopping a terrorist organization and cited as the menace behind the organization, and basically did hero stuff. Like one of those stick-in-the-ass Avengers he occasionally ran into. Oh, and he had a blog. Wait—Spiderman had a blog?

Curious he began browsing it. The thing had several different threads; one of them was a rant thread about his villains—yadda yadda yawn—another was about food—was there anything the spider didn’t eat? Not that Deadpool was one to judge—but the third one caught his eye. It was about “everyday heroes.” A clerk spotting a runaway some money for milk (bet she never saw that money again), an officer helping a kid, off the clock, with homework, a gang leader rescuing a kitten from a tree—weird random shit. And Deadpool knew random.

[Oh, that should be our new catchphrase!]

Then Deadpool came across a recent post, and stared for a moment.

I’ve been hearing a lot about a mercenary known as Deadpool. I’ve heard that he’s got no morals, is certifiably insane, and has a larger kill count than the last world war. If you read this Deadpool, I want to tell you something: Don’t kill in my city.

{That’s practically an invitation!}

[Don’t go. It might be a trap.]

“With this shit? No way.” Deadpool jumped up and grinned. “We’re going to New York City!”

[We’re not really going to not kill people, right? Just because a blog said so?]

^^^

Of course, Deadpool hadn’t expected a group of thugs to meet him on one of the buildings. “Osborn ain’t happy with you ‘Pool,” one of them sneered. He flipped out a switchblade—an honest to God switchblade—against Deadpool. “We’re here to kill you.”

“Fellas,” Deadpool said, “I’m flattered—I really am, but have you actually thought this through?”

[His face looks like a gorilla’s ass!]

{Do you think he knows that?}

“No, I don’t think he knows his face looks like a gorilla’s ass, but I’ll ask. Hey flat-face! Did you know your face looks like a gorilla’s ass?” The man’s face suffused with rage and he lunged forwards to attack Deadpool—only to be pulled back by a thick, white strand. Deadpool watched, fascinated, as a figure in a blue and red suit with a white spiderweb symbol on the chest began wrapping the man in the threads.

“Holy shit! It’s Spiderman!” One of the goons crept up behind Deadpool and he landed a punch—that deformed the man’s face.

[What’s that jaw made of, glass?]

“Hey Spidey! I haven’t killed anyone in your city!” He noticed the man on the ground, not moving. “Oh, shit, you are still alive, aren’t you? Don’t make a liar out of me!” He yanked the man on the ground, pulled him up to his ear, and listened. He heard the unmistakable sound of air rushing through tubes. “Yup, still alive,” Deadpool said with satisfaction letting the other man drop to the rooftop.

Spiderman rose from a crouch and looked over at Deadpool. Unlike Deadpool, his mask wasn’t emotive, so Deadpool couldn't tell what Spiderman was thinking. “You must be Deadpool,” Spiderman said.

[He knows who we are!]

{Of course he does! He practically invited us!}

[We’re still going to kill him, aren’t we?]

{Are you nuts? He just saved us!}

[Yeah—but we didn’t need saving.]

{Not like he knows that!}

Deadpool just beamed at Spiderman. “Yes I am!” he said. “And I haven’t killed anyone in your city!” Spiderman walked over to Deadpool.

{I don’t think he’s happy.}

[We should just kill him now!]

Spiderman reached out, and gently touched Deadpool’s shoulder. “Good job,” he said.

[Did—did he just praise us? For not killing people?]

{Not for not killing people, weren’t you listening? For not killing people in his city!}

[Still a first either way.]

“Bank robbery,” muttered Spiderman looking away from Deadpool. “At this time of night?” he asked.

Deadpool couldn't see the hero frown, but could hear it in his voice. Deadpool bounced and clapped his hands. “Oh! Let me come too! I want to help too!” he said.

[He’s not going to want our help, dipshit.]

{Look, just because he invited us to the city doesn’t mean he wants our help.}

“All right,” Spiderman said grudgingly, “but let me call someone first.” He pulled out a phone, flipped it open (seriously, who still has a flip-phone in this day and age) and began to dial.

“A cabbie? A helicopter? Your lady friend?”

“Police,” Spiderman said vaguely.

[Say what now?]

{Eh, if he tries to have us arrested we can just kill him. We were hired to do that anyway.}

Deadpool listened to Spiderman request both police and an ambulance for a criminal that was severely injured during the capture procedure. Then the spider closed the phone and tucked it into the suit—and there wasn’t even a bulge to indicate where it came from. “Holy shit, and they say I’m amazing. Well, never twice, but holy shit! Where, in that tightness, did you put a pocket?”

“Are you going to be like this the whole way?” demanded Spiderman. “Because, if you are, you can find your own way to the bank.” He rattled off an address.

[Holy—not only did he not call the cops on us, but he’s still letting us tag along!]

{I don’t think we can kill him now. Maybe Osborn? But not in this city.}

The spider had long since swung off. “Guys,” Deadpool said, “this nice thing—it’s only an act. I’ll kill him when he slips.” He grinned. “But until then—let’s see where this takes us!” He pulled out a grappling hook and fired it at the next building over so that he could swing like the spider towards the robbery.

^^^

The act didn’t fade. Spiderman not only let Deadpool patrol with him to help the police stop crime (although that was difficult in itself—trusting the police) he frequently thanked the merc for his help. It was—strange. Nice, but—strange. People had never really thanked him before—not even the few people he knew who could listen to him without getting nervous.

That was another odd thing about Spiderman—he didn’t get nervous around Deadpool, not like other people did. Hell, just the other night a criminal had turned, seen Deadpool right beside Spiderman and literally wet his pants right there in fear. It was a given response—a normal response. Deadpool was having trouble with Spiderman’s lack of response.

The blog was fun though. At first he hadn’t thought twice about it, posting about the night’s patrol under the rant section (and was oddly pleased that he wasn’t one of the people Spiderman ranted about)—until Spiderman began responding to his posts which was—frankly terrifying. He wasn’t sure why it made him nervous.

And that day he was reading “Everyday Heroes” to see—himself. A post about how Deadpool, notorious mercenary and cold-blooded killer, waded into thick, NYC traffic to save a kitten that had somehow ended up in the middle of the street. The post was, like all the others in the Everyday Heroes section, short and sweet.

Only thing was, that incident happened in the broad light of day, and Spiderman had been nowhere around.

{He did tell us that he sees more than we think he does.} Yellow sounded anxious.

[He’s making us feel again. That’s never good. We should just kill him and forget this whole thing.]

But—Deadpool didn’t want to kill Spiderman. Hanging out with Spiderman was fun. The hero would laugh at his jokes, praised him for not killing people (in New York City), and thank Deadpool for his help. It was nice, it was fun, and he didn’t want it to end yet.

[You’re right. We should wait to kill him until after he hates us.]

{Spiderman isn’t going to hate us!}

[Everyone hates us; just give it time.]

Deadpool, alone in his crappy apartment (because, again—immortal and who cares), nodded. He would do that. White was right—everyone hated him eventually, and he could enjoy hanging out with the spider until he hated Deadpool too. Then he could kill him.

^^^

It wasn’t until the capture of the giant green lizard that Deadpool realized that Spiderman—Spiderman wasn’t going to hate him. In fact, Spiderman was worried about Deadpool, about how casual Deadpool was with his own life. Staring at the ranting spider the mercenary came to an odd—and yet right—conclusion: Spiderman—cared. Spiderman cared more about Deadpool’s life than anyone else—including Deadpool. It was heartwarming, it was wonderful—and it was terrifying.

[Well, we can’t kill him now.]

Spiderman’s rant ran down and Deadpool frantically searched for something to change the subject. “You hungry? I know a great Mexican place—open twenty-four hours!”

Spiderman stared at Deadpool for a moment in silence.

{I don’t think he’s happy with us.}

[Let’s kill him now!]

Finally the hero heaved a huge sigh. “Yeah, sure. Why not?” he asked. The two of them walked to the restaurant, leaving the human that used to be a giant lizard in a box in the alley. They made the walk in silence, they ordered—and Spiderman pulled out his phone and started texting.

“Who are you texting?” asked Deadpool as he helped himself to some of the complimentary nachos.

“Mrs. Conner. We’ve worked out a system; I’m letting her know he turned again and where to pick him up.”

Deadpool stared at Spiderman, as if he hadn’t seen the hero before. “Spidey—are you helping someone avoid the police?”

“Do you honestly think he’ll get the help he needs in prison?” Spiderman demanded. “Besides,” he added as the waitress (sadly, one of those that won’t serve alcohol without a photo ID) brought them their drinks, “he didn’t hurt anyone and honestly? That company deserves a little cosmetic damage. Maybe then people might see them for the monsters they really are.” Spiderman pushed his mask up to his nose and took a sip of the carbonated beverage.

“You should put that on your blog,” Deadpool said. He too, had pushed up his mask. Spiderman either pretended not to see—or really didn’t care.

[Don’t kid yourself—he’s being polite. Besides, it’s dark in here. It’s dark everywhere the two of you go to eat.]

{Maybe. He actually seems to like us.}

Deadpool watched the lower half of Spiderman’s face twist in a grimace. “I really just want to focus on more positive things in that blog.” He gave a tiny smile.

“Like saving kittens in traffic?” Deadpool’s voice was harder than he meant it to be.

The slight smile faded. “Do you mind?” he asked. “If you do, I’ll pull it off.”

[Whoa. He’s offering to change his blog for us!]

{Forget killing him; you should marry him!}

“Eh, no, it’s fine,” he assured the young hero. While Spiderman had never given Deadpool an age it was clear the hero was young. Possibly even young enough to make him qualified for the “no children” rule—although Deadpool was kind of hoping not. The waitress brought their food and walked quickly away. “I was just surprised. I didn’t see you anywhere around at the time.”

Spiderman smiled again. “I told you,” he said calmly, “I see more than you think I do.”

Deadpool couldn't let it go. “Then what about the ones that don’t have a good reason for what they do?” he asked thinking back to the days, not that long ago, when he was one of those people. “What if they can’t change?”

The white eyes of the Spiderman suit met his calmly and the hero shrugged. “What if they can?” he asked.

^^^

A few days later he got a tip about a man he’d been chasing around the globe—and was on a bridge, at twilight, waiting.

{This might not be the best idea. Isn’t Spiderman waiting for us to patrol?}

[It’s Francis! We can’t let that bastard get away with what he did to us!]

“No,” Deadpool said, suit tight over scarred skin as memories of screams and pain washed over him for a moment. “We can’t.”

{We can’t kill him in the city! Spiderman trusts us!}

[Easy—we knock him out, take him outside the limits, and then kill him. Then we’re still not killing someone in the city and we can kill Francis.]

{I think Spiderman might object to that logic.}

[Then we kill him too.]

“We’re not killing Spiderman,” Deadpool muttered as the car his informant had told him about came into the street. “But we are,” he added grimly before getting into position to jump, “going to kill Francis.” He jumped into the car on the street below.

Something unexpected happened after he landed on the car. Several other cars, nearby, braked and then surrounded him in a circle as he felt an odd stinging sensation in his neck. He reached up and pulled out—a dart with a plunger?

“Poor Wade,” said the smooth voice of Deadpool’s most hated enemy. The British accent almost brought back waking nightmares of torture. “Did you really think it would be that easy to kill me? I’m far smarter than you think.” The tall man with his shaved head and hallow eyes stepped out of the car and grinned down at Deadpool.

Deadpool tried to focus—but the world was bleeding into color.

“Did you think you destroyed everything in the facility?” asked Francis, sounding warmly amused. “Oh, we still have all your data—and not even your healing factor can save you now.” Francis strode forward and gripped Deadpool’s chin—and Deadpool couldn't move. His arms were coated in lead. “This time,” the man said savagely, “you will become a perfect little mindless slave.”

There were yells, shouts, and gunfire. Francis pulled his hand away and Deadpool collapsed as the ground turned into a mass of technicolor bubbles with teeth. Teeth that wanted to rip into Deadpool—to rip him apart.

“Deadpool?” asked a familiar voice. ‘Oh, shit!”

[Not like…Spidey…to swear.]

{Ow.}

Deadpool’s world dissolved into nightmares. He had no idea how long they taunted him, haunting him. Making him live through the torture again. To watch his best friend, his only friend (before Spiderman) die again.

He knew when the nightmares stopped though. He could hear birds chirping nearby. He opened his eyes—to see a young man—no, a young teenage boy—right next to him. He froze as he tried desperately to remember how this had happened.

The boy groaned slightly, opened brilliant amber eyes, and then leaned forward to place his cool, smooth forehead against Deadpool’s own.

[Oh my God! He’s touching our skin!]

{Where’s the mask? Where’s the mask?}

Deadpool—was frozen. He knew his face was hideous and that he looked like some kind of old school movie monster. What if the boy realized it? Where had the boy come from? And where was Deadpool for that matter?

“Good,” murmured the boy in satisfaction. “Your fever broke.”

“Fever?” asked Deadpool. He hadn’t had a fever since—not since the first time he saw Francis. Not since his healing factor had kicked in. Since he stopped being able to die.

The boy didn’t answer him, but rolled over and off the bed. “Aunt May,” he called as he padded from the room, “his fever broke!”

“What fever?” asked Deadpool again, his voice harsh and raspy. He rolled over, only to collapse back against the bed panting. His limbs felt like weak, overcooked noodles. “What happened?” he asked.

[Had something to do with that damn dart.]

{Weasel gave us up!}

Deadpool felt a brief wave of anger at the bartender/informant—that quickly drained away. Of course Weasel had given Deadpool up the same way that Deadpool would have done the same to Weasel if their positions had been reversed. Deadpool couldn't hate him for that.

[I’ll hate him for all three of us then.]

An old woman, dressed in a button-down the front blue blouse with faded blue jeans, came into the room and looked at Deadpool, mouth pressed into a thin line and eyes narrowed. “So you’re finally back with us. Well, Deadpool or whatever you call yourself, get dressed.” She gestured to a chair with clothes on it. “You’re just in time for breakfast.”

[Who is she to give us orders?]

{Where are we? And why do we feel weak?}

“Good question,” muttered Deadpool. He looked up as the boy entered the room again. “Where am I?”

“My house,” the boy said calmly, as if he carried injured mercenaries into his home every day. Maybe he did. “I didn’t know where you lived and you needed help.” The boy frowned. “Aunt May used to be a nurse, so I thought—well, she knew what to do.”

“Wait,” said Deadpool, confused. “What?”

The boy blinked those huge amber eyes and then grinned. “Sorry,” he said, “I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Peter Parker. Also,” he added with a sly twinkle, “known as Spiderman.”

Deadpool stared for a moment. What—Spiderman—here? Spiderman willingly took Deadpool home? “How—how did you know I was on that bridge?” he asked warily.

“I keep telling you that I see more than you think I do,” the boy—Peter responded.

And Deadpool realized where he’d seen that face before. When he’d waded into traffic to save that kitten, that face had been on the sidewalk, watching him as he verbally abused the drivers who would run over a helpless little animal because they were in a hurry, Peter had been one of the faces in the crowd. One of the few weren’t being exasperated with him. “You were there,” he said wonderingly, “that day I saved the kitten. But—I didn’t—I didn’t notice you.”

Peter, instead of taking offense, merely chuckled. “It’s an art to be unnoticeable,” he said. “I’ve been perfecting it for years.”

Deadpool laughed a little breathlessly. He started to hold out a scarred hand, and hesitated.

[He’s already seen us.]

{And he’s not making gagging noises!}

Deadpool swallowed and held out his hand. “Wade,” he said introducing himself for the first time since the torture. “Wade Wilson.”

Peter gently took Wade’s hand, and then helped the man stand up. Wade wasn’t surprised—on one of their patrols he’d seen Spiderman lift and toss a huge concrete pillar from a parking garage that collapsed. Wade was more surprised by the fact he needed help getting dressed—since the healing factor kicked in he hadn’t been weak for longer than it took for him to come back to life. He also needed help getting down the stairs to the table—which was set with homemade waffles, fake maple syrup, and bowls of fresh fruit next to tall glasses of juice.

It was a better meal than anything Wade had seen in years. “Thank you,” he said as Peter helped him into a seat.

The old woman—Aunt May—watched him with narrowed eyes for a moment. “I understand,” she said looking at him, “that you’re the reason Peter has decided to come clean about his—extra curricular activities.” Peter winced.

“I had no idea he was going to be there,” Wade protested.

“Of course you didn’t,” said the woman. “You don’t understand,” she said, “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’m saying that Peter has finally found a reason to talk to me again.”

Peter winced. “Aunt May—” he began.

“Yes, I know—you were trying to protect me.” She snorted. “I have a better chance of not being in danger if I know that there is danger!”

Peter shrank slightly. “Yes, Aunt May.”

She snorted. “Reckless child,” she muttered affectionately. The three of them sat down together and ate.

The experience was—novel. The closest thing Wade had to compare to it was those late night meals he grabbed with Spiderman. Prior to that Wade hadn’t had a meal in company—a meal eaten with another person—since before the torture.

And no one at this table wanted to kill Wade, or torture him, or hurt him. It was—new.

Near the end of the meal Peter spoke up. “About that—man,” he said grimly, “that shot you with the dart. Francis.” Oddly enough Peter made the name sound like a curse and Wade looked up warily. Bright, amber eyes met his and he said grimly, “I told him he had twenty-four hours to get out of my city.”

“Don’t kill in my city.”

Peter was giving Wade permission to go after Francis and finish the man off.

“That’s nice,” said Aunt May blithely, reminding both of them of her presence. “Peter, take the dishes to the sink and then take garbage. I want that bin by the curb for them to pick up.” Peter kissed his aunt on the cheek as he gathered the dishes and left the room. “He’s a good boy. We raised him well,” she said absently before turning to face Wade again. “As for you,” she said grimly. “You like him.”

It wasn’t a question, and Wade didn’t respond to it.

“If you kill that man, and I’m not going to say he doesn’t deserve to to die after the nightmares you had—”

What had Wade said in his sleep? How much did they know? He stared at the old woman and realized—she’d never tell him.

“—but if you kill him you will change the relationship you are building with that boy forever. Be prepared for that,” she said firmly as Peter came back into the kitchen.

^^^

A few weeks later saw Wade completely healed.

[Don’t you think it’s odd that we’re not calling ourselves Deadpool anymore?]

{No more odd than the fact we’re calling Spidey Petey.}

He found himself in Weasel’s bar, and if he’d had any doubts about the man’s information the way the bartender went completely white at the mere sight of him showing up would have killed them.

[I still say we should kill him.]

{Not in Peter’s city.}

[Eh.]

“Dead—Deadpool,” Weasel stammered. “How—how are you buddy?” He swallowed.

“A lot better than our mutual friend Francis wants me to be,” Deadpool said as he sat on one of the bar stools. He leaned on his elbows on the bar and looked over the bartender who looked nervous.

“I’m sorry man,” the bartender said. “I didn’t want—it’s nothing personal.”

Deadpool smiled. “Oh, I know,” he said cheerfully. “The same way I know that if our positions were reversed I would do the same thing. No, I came here because you’re going to do me a favor.”

“A favor?” asked Weasel.

“Nothing you haven’t done before. You’re just going to spread some information—for me this time.”

“And what—information would that be?” asked Weasel nervously.

“Anyone who tries to go after Spiderman will have to go through me.”

Wade never did leave the city to hunt down Francis. After all, if Deadpool left New York—then who would protect Spiderman?

[shadowywerewolfqueen]

I Turn You On

Dean groaned as he stood from working underneath the hood of a car. He grabbed the rag from his back pocket and used it to wipe the sweat from his brow. It was the hottest day so far this summer and he couldn’t wait to get off work and go home and take a swim in his pool. He walked around to the driver’s side of the car and slid into the seat. He turned the key, smiling as the car started with a purr.

He jumped when he heard his name called out. He looked up to see his boss walking towards him. “Hey Bobby, what do you need?”

“Just got a call from some college kid whose car broke down by the old bowling alley. Don’t know what he was doing out there, but can you go tow him in? I’d send Garth but he’s elbows deep in Ms. Tran’s truck,” Bobby explained.

“Yeah, sure I can go. I just finished up with Missouri’s car. I’ll grab the keys to the tow truck and head on out. Should be back in a couple hours. See you later,” Dean said as he grabbed the keys to Missouri’s car and headed inside the shop. He dropped the keys off at the front counter and grabbed the tow truck keys before walking out to the parking lot.

Forty-five minutes later Dean pulled into the cracked parking lot of the abandoned bowling alley. He parked next to a tan Lincoln Continental and looked around for the owner. He smirked as he noticed a guy standing in the shadows, a joint held up to his lips. The guy looked up and started walking towards Dean.

“You know usually it’s high schoolers who get caught out here with alcohol and cigarettes. Most college kids frequent the bars,” Dean said as the man got closer. He felt his heartbeat speed up as the guy’s features became cleared the closer he got.

Even for a college student, the man in front of Dean was well built. He was tall with a lithe but muscular figure. He had a mess of black hair, a strong chin, and a pair of blue eyes that were mesmerizing. Dean’s eyes traveled lower and he gulped. The man had a flat stomach, hipbones sharp enough you could yourself on, and extra thick thighs. He was every wet dream Dean ever had come to life.

“My face is up here,” the guy replied with a chuckle.

Dean felt a blush stain his cheeks as he jerked his gaze back up to the guy’s face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.”

The man took a drag from the joint and slowly blew the smoke out of his mouth. “Don’t apologize; it’s a huge boost to my ego to know a man as good looking as you finds me so attractive.”

“You think I’m attractive?” Dean asked coyly as he stepped closer to the guy.

The man shrugged. “You’re pretty easy on the eyes for sure. I mean dirty blonde hair, green eyes, and tons of freckles are a huge turn on for me.”

“I turn you on?” Dean moved closer, the tips of his boots barely an inch from the guy’s converse. He inhaled the smoke as the guy released another puff. He slowly exhaled already feeling a little lighter.

“Very much,” the guy said before taking one more drag from the joint and then dropping it to the ground. He stomped his foot over the joint before grabbing a fistful of Dean’s shirt and pulling him into a heated kiss.

Dean made a squaking sound just before the man’s chapped lips smashed against his own. He groaned low in his throat and the guy took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Dean’s mouth. The man dominated the kiss, stroking over every last inch of Dean’s mouth before pulling away.

Dean smirked as he said, “You know I don’t think my boyfriend would appreciate me making out with strange college kids during their summer break.”

The guy rolled his eyes. “Hmm, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He crashed his mouth against Dean’s once more, wrapping a strong arm around Dean’s waist and pulling him closer until their hips slotted against each other. He bucked his hips, rubbing his half hard cock against Dean’s.

Dean broke the kiss to drop his head back with a moan. “Holy shit that feels good! God I’ve missed you Cas.”

“I’ve missed you too sweetheart. I know I said I wasn’t going to be back until tomorrow, but I just couldn’t wait to see you. I hope that’s ok,” Castiel said as he stared at his boyfriend with a smile.

Dean snorted. “Of course, it’s ok baby! I’ll never say no to getting to see you. I’m just glad your summer class was only for part of the summer and that we get to enjoy a whole month and a half of summer break together before you go back for your senior year.”

Cas ran his finger’s through Dean’s hair and grinned at the shiver than ran through the blonde’s body. “I’ve missed you so much. Sometimes I really wish I hadn’t gone to a college so far away.”

“Hey,” Dean said softly, cupping Cas’ jaw. “It’s what you always wanted so don’t you dare regret it.”

“But it’s kept us apart so much these past three years. Long distance relationships are hard,” Cas replied with a frown.

Dean pecked Cas on the lips. “I know but you’ve got one more year, then you’ll have your degree, and you can finally move back here so we can be together permanently.”

Cas covered Dean’s hand with his. “I wish you would have come with me.”

Dean shook his head. “You know I couldn’t leave Sam alone and I didn’t want to uproot his life all over again. Besides, we both know school was never my thing. Fixing cars is where my heart is.”

Cas sighed heavily. “I know. This course was a lot harder than I thought and it’s been tough without you.”

“I’m sorry baby. Forget about your class, now we have the rest of summer together. So, what do you want to do first?” Dean asked.

Cas glanced at his car with a smirk. “I happen to have three blankets and lube in the backseat. This place is abandoned after all.”

“Such a kinky fucker,” Dean whispered before capturing Cas’ mouth in a passionate kiss. The rest of summer was certainly looking up.

Tagging: @lonewolf34500 @notwithd @starrynightdeancas @flowersforcas @cockleslovesdestiel

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Nightmare or Scared To Be Lonely

Quick Tag List: @kuruumiya @spacelizardtrashboys @enigmaticandunstable @nattinngrst @stupidbluegirl

This Passage contains potentially: swearing, violence, blood, angst, whump, fluff and smutty content.

Summary: Kirby addresses a fear that she hasn't felt in a long, long time.

Kirby's POV:

Waking up on the morning of the Twenty-Second, with Roddy's arms wrapped around me was a welcome comfort from what had arisen inside my mind. Thoughts I never dared put to words, I eased myself out of his grasp and did my old morning routine, giving myself a moment to breathe and think through the recent recurring nightmares. It had been at least a year since the last nightmare, twenty years since they started. I thought they had finally stopped, but I was wrong.

Since I was nine, I have had nightmares of being alone in a dark place, usually a forest but sometimes an empty town or city, sometimes even walking through a deep valley. Utterly alone, completely alone, abandoned by everyone except a consistent nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me that I'm not 'normal' enough.

Catching my breath and calming myself down, I look over at Roddy, still asleep on the bed, and I sigh in relief. He's real, he's there, I'm not insane. I look at myself in the mirror, brushing my fingers over the scars on my face and remembering just how I got each of them. I heard a long yawn from the other room as Rod stirred awake, shaking the 'cobwebs' from his mind and I stopped, looking over at him again and smiling in admiration at the rowdy Scot.

"Well, that's a beautiful sight to wake up to," He waved me over, "C'mere baby."

I reached the edge of the bed and Roddy pulled me onto his lap.

"You are so beautiful, don't you ever forget that. I love you, you can tell me anything," He kissed my shoulder, just above the dragon tattoo, "Anything at all."

"Rod" I mumbled, my breathing catching in my throat.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I can tell you anything right, you won't laugh unless it's a joke right?"

"I promise you, I won't laugh at ya."

"What would you do if someone you loved had recurring nightmares?"

"I would try to understand why they keep having them. Why?"

"What would you do if they were scared by them."

"I'd comfort them. What's going on in your head, baby?"

"Rod, I'm scared."

"Why are ya scared?"

"I don't want to be alone. I'm not normal. I'm a fr-"

Rod pulled me into a kiss, pressing his forehead to mine after he pulled away, "You're not a freak. You're my lady and if that makes me a freak for loving you, I don't give a damn. You're stunning and they can all kiss my ass."

"Thank you Roddy, I needed that."

"So, uh, about that Erik guy?"

"What about him?"

"What made you like him?"

"Well, aside from the flaming red hair, the freckles, the green-hazel eyes, the tattoos and his muscles, probably his personality, he made me laugh, he was sweet to me, and he was ballsy enough to wear a kilt and fight in it."

"So, who's better, me or him?" I could hear a twinge of jealousy in his voice.

"Roddy," I whined, "In a different universe, then I'd probably be with him but I'm with you. I will be with you regardless of if this works out or not, for at least the next few years career-wise, and who knows, if this does work out, maybe one day the two of us will have a proper life together. Family. Pets. Kids, maybe. Actually," I stood up and grabbed the keys to my D200, twirling them around my finger for a moment, "I'd actually quite like to have kids one day. That is, of course, if I can have kids."

"Whaddya mean 'if'?"

"Well, I'm a giant, giants have diminished reproductive systems." I muttered out.

"So, uh, hypothetically speaking, if you can have biological kids, if, if ya could, ya know," I looked at his face, his cheeks flush a rosy shade of pink, "Well, if you," he slowed down his words, looking to the ceiling as if asking God above for guidance, "If, you, could, have, bio-log-ical, kids, you, would?"

"Yes Roddy, why was that so hard to ask?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and covered his groin with his other arm, "no reason."

"Jesus, Roddy. If that gets you hot you might end up breeding like a rabbit one of these days."

"With you?" I heard a twinge of optimism in his voice.

"Of course fuckin' not, Jesus, whaddya take me for?" I spluttered out, shocked that he'd even think of me like that, I took a deep breath before explaining myself, "I'm not a very, oh God, uh 'Sexual' being. I don't see the pleasure side of it, I think of sex only through the lens of science."

Rod looked up at me once again, cocking an eyebrow before talking, "Where are ya planning on going?"

"Anywhere with food, wanna come with."

"Actually, before you leave, can I ask you about your family?"

"Sure. What do you want to know?"

"Well, what are they like?"

"Uh, hmm, well, my da's tough, he was raised on a farm and thus is incredibly strong because of his upbringing. My mam on the other hand is like your stereotypical fiery red head when angry but usually she's quiet and peaceful. My da never shuts up, unless he's watching TV, which is when his ears don't work."

Rod's brows knitted together in a confused way, "His ears don't work?"

"As in he shuts everything that isn't the TV out."

"Oh. I see, so your dad shuts the world out when he's watching sports and the like?"

"Exactly, Roddy. Do you want to go get food or not?"

"Well, of course I'm gonna go with ya," he covered his mouth but I could vaguely hear him mumble to himself, "Can't risk other guys trying to get to my lady. No Sir, not her."

I put on my leather jacket, my back to Roddy, unintentionally showing off the Welsh flag painted on the back, once again hearing Rod mumble to himself.

"Where've ya been all my life baby."

"What was that, Roddy?"

"Nothin'," he spluttered out, as if he was shocked that I could hear anything he just said, "Let me drive."

"Rod. It's my D200, I'll drive."

"I know it's your car, but I'm gonna drive us." He said, quickly getting changed into some clean clothes and his usual kilt.

"Why?"

"I wanna treat ya, give you a surprise."

"Ok then, catch." I throw him the keys to the D200 and he catches them in one hand.

We drove out to a small Irish bar and Rod parked nearby.

"This place does the best homecooked fish and chips."

"Oh, really, so they're legit Irish?"

"I think so."

We walked in and the place went silent and I could feel the amount of eyes on the two of us. We got to a small table at the back and ordered full English breakfasts for two.

After a while and several drinks, not one being actually alcoholic, we got up to leave and this meant we had to walk past the main bar.

"Wrestling is fake, you know." one of the drunken idiots slurred out, he had obviously connected the dots of why we looked the way we do.

I bit my lip and tried to control my breathing, Roddy on the other hand…

"What did you say?"

…He was already advancing towards the guy, fists and teeth clenched.

"Rod, we should g-" I stated, trying to keep myself calm.

"NO!" he cut me off, "What did you say?!"

"Wrestlin' is fa-"

Rod's fist silenced the guy with a quick right hook, sending him sprawling on the floor and silencing the rest of the bar patrons.

I dragged Roddy out by wrapping my arms around his midsection and dragging him backwards out of the bar before letting him go.

"That, that fucker."

I got in front of him and pushed him back, away from the bar, "Rod, get in the fucking car before they come out here!" I yelled at him, and holy shit if that didn't set him off.

"I don't give a fuck if they come out here, I'll fucking kill him."

"Rod, let it go."

"No, I will not 'let it go' that fuck needs to be taught a lesson."

"Would you just get in the fucking car?!"

"Would you just fuck off."

"Fine, I will."

I stormed off, Roddy still had the keys to the D200 and I believed I could walk back to the hotel, my mask obscuring my face so people started looking, the fight, the argument and now the fact that people were staring at me. Today can not get any worse.

Oh boy was I wrong, it took two minutes for the rain to start and ten minutes for Rod to pull up in the (or rather, MY) D200. He pulled up and rolled the window down.

"I'm sorry, please get in the car."

"Fuck off, Piper."

"Kirby, baby, get in the car. Please."

I sighed and got in the passenger seat, "Why do you fly off the handle so easily, Rod."

"Why don't you, that fuck was insulting our job, our livelihood."

"Rod," I breathed out a hefty sigh and removed my mask so that my voice wouldn't be muffled, "Rod, I may not have fought the guy but I had to bite my lip and control myself. I had to count to ten in my mind and try not to escalate the situation further. I would have loved to go up to the guy and said 'Hey, the business isn't fake, we do this to feed our kids, but that's the thing Rod. I don't have kids I need to feed, I've been wrestling and working out for so long that I feel like I've forgotten to have a family, or even a life."

The car stopped suddenly and Roddy put his head in his hands, if the car had been any quieter he could have heard the pounding of my heart.

"You're not the only one."

"What do you mean?"

"I think I forgot to have a life. I've been alone and angry at the world for so long that I have forgotten that I'm human, and I need a private life, away from the ring, and for me to have that life, I need someone to share it with. A wife, for example, maybe a couple kids too. Heh, Imagine that, Roderick Piper, family man, forget it."

"Rod?"

"Yeah, Sweetheart?"

"Rod, I don't want to be alone."

"I know, baby."

"Rod?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about storming off earlier. I love you. I don't care how much this makes me sound sappy, but I need you in my life, I need that Scottish fire. Americans are dumb and the British are the British, and well Scots are the fiery, hot blooded warriors that I've grown up knowing but never being around until Erik. God, I just, I want to have a home, Roddy, and a family of my own."

"I wonder what our kids would look like?" He sounded like he had zoned out, but what he was mumbling to himself made me realise he hadn't zoned out, "What would we name them?"

"Rod, what do you think of the name, 'Enfys'?"

"What does that mean?"

"It's Welsh for 'Rainbow'. I'm not suggesting anyone name their child 'rainbow' I just think it sounds pretty."

"Why do Welsh names have to be so weird?"

"I'll walk back to the hotel if you insult my homeland again, boyo."

"All I'm saying is that there's a lot of 'y's and 'u's in Welsh names. Alright, lass."

"Rod, shut up and drive us back to the hotel."

"Make me."

We locked eyes and for a moment I forgot that we had started arguing again, I reached over and stroked Roddy's cheek, now realising that he had gotten himself beaten up again.

"Kirby, don't ge-"

"Why do you always get hurt, Roddy, don't tell me 'don't get upset' when you're beaten and bruised. Rod, drive us back to the hotel so I can patch," my breathing caught in my throat and Rod realised I was about to cry, "Rod, drive us back to the hotel so I can patch you up."

"Anything you say, just, please don't cry."

"Rod, I can't help the fact that seeing the love of my life battered and bruised, my natural instinct as a protective person is to show my sensitive side as I feel like I've failed to keep you safe."

"I failed to keep me safe, after you left I did the idiotic thing and stormed back into the bar, I got myself thrown through a table."

"Roddy, you fucking idiot. I told you it was better to leave without getting yourself hurt. Why didn't you listen?"

"Don't you go pulling the 'I told ya so' technique on me."

"Why not?"

"I've heard it my entire life, that's why."

"Well, maybe if you listened to it once in a whi-"

END OF NIGHTMARE or SCARED TO BE LONELY