#hoa gang

[ultrabananapudding]

In which Salim visits America for the first time and the Marines makes sure to give him a very warm welcome.

Based on this audio that has completely overwritten my speech pattern this past week.

[flamingfalcon3]

I really like the idea of Nina gaining random powers and becoming slightly more unhinged as time goes on. Sometimes the Sibuna squad will just be eating dinner when Nina rises from her chair and spouts a cryptic prophecy and then sits back down like nothing happened.

[the-cpu-system]

bring back dumbass aus for stuff .. pls ..

borderlands but they're all neighbors and that's it . that's the thing. They all live in like the same city but there's different like streets and communities/districts and so there's like Hyperion Park that's this closed gate neighborhood and there's like Atlas Crest and then like. pandora is like the slums or something

borderlands city AU when guys when

[hedgiestail]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: Jason Kolchek/Salim Othman, Eric King/Rachel King

Characters: Jason Kolchek, Salim Othman, Eric King, Rachel King, Nick Kay, Zain Othman, Background & Cameo Characters, Original Characters, Original Child Character

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternate Universe - Ghost Hunters, Attempt at Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Adventure & Romance, Slow Burn, Gen or Pre-Slash

Summary: Джейсон много херни на своём веку перевидал. От смертей из-за передоза до вампиров в шумерском храме. Подозрительного вида парочка, зазывающая с упорством заправского сутенёра работать в "бюро расследования и устранения паранормальных явлений", едва ли его впечатлила. Обещание полного пакета соц услуг, оплачиваемого отпуска и то, что всю налоговую волокиту возьмёт их бухгалтерский отдел — вот это куда интересней! "Крошить черпушки несанкионированным демоническим выползцам", — звучало, впрочем, не менее заманчиво.

Finally finished the first chapter!

Sincerely hope I'll be able to finish it🙈

If anyone want - I can post Jason's tattoo design with invisible background, so you can use it!

I thinking of printing it on a T-shirt or a mug🤔

[hyperfixatinglove]

Stuck on thinking Jacob & Eden as physically disabled & using canes & often meeting Dylan who's arm got amputated during the game

[laligraves]

morning run

joel miller x fem!reader

[18+] | wc: ~ 2.8k summary: Joel overhears your argument with the neighbor. masterlist | AO3

warnings: HBO Joel, TLOU AU, dubious consent (i'm so serious, don't read if it makes you uncomfortable), NSFW, pre/no outbreak, some proofreading, Joel is a tall and very strong man, older man/college-aged reader, Joel lives in a wealthy neighborhood with an HOA (homeowners association), no use of y/n or too many details on reader's appearance, somewhat public setting, breeding kink (kinda), fingering, squirting, unprotected sex, creampie

“These HOA people are vultures,” your sister mutters. 

You look up from your laptop and watch out the window as the committee leaves on their golf cart, most likely on their way to torment another house on the block. 

“Is it that big of a deal that my flower garden has the wrong color of roses?” 

“There’s a wrong color of roses?” you ask in confusion. 

“Yes! The president of the HOA, Susan,” you sister spits out in disdain, “only wants light pink roses on this block.” 

She slams the written warning on the entrance table and storms off into the kitchen. “I’m not sure how her husband stands her. I guess that’s why he spends so much time at the golf course.” 

You follow her into the kitchen, partly because you want a break from your assignments and also because you want to hear more gossip about her new neighborhood. 

“You know she made me pay a fine because my car was left on the driveway after hours? It’s my driveway!” 

You raise your eyebrows in surprise. “Suddenly, I’m not so jealous about your new place.” 

She throws a sponge at your head. 

“Why don’t you just say no?” you ask as you narrowly dodge the sponge. 

“I’ve tried so hard to be nice to everyone here. But all Susan does is turn people against me. Everytime I walk outside to grab the mail or go to work, people give me dirty looks!” 

You don’t like seeing your sister like this. It’s her home. One she worked very hard to buy in this wealthy neighborhood. No one has the right to make her feel like an outsider. So you develop a plan. 

You find out Susan’s schedule fairly easily. Every morning at 8 a.m. she walks her husband to his car and kisses him goodbye before he leaves for work. She then walks back inside for her notebook and pen to then walk around the neighborhood. 

She stops at every house to ensure it fits her standards and if they don’t, she leaves a written warning on the front door. During the weekends, she and her gang of friends drive around on a golf cart to give out even more citations. 

So at exactly 7:55 A.M., you make your way to her house. You’re careful in the outfit you chose this morning: a tight sports bra and running shorts. She, and most importantly her husband, are definitely going to notice you. 

You slow down as you round the corner, already seeing her husband place his briefcase in the backseat of his beamer. She walks right behind him with a lunch pail and kisses his cheek. You shout out a good morning and watch as they both turn to look at you. 

Her right eye immediately begins to twitch and she plasters on a fake smile. His eyes do an appreciative sweep of your body as he walks to the end of the driveway. 

“Good morning! Susan,” he says turning to his wife, “why didn’t you tell me we had a new neighbor?” 

He grasps your hand and gives it a firm shake. His thumb caresses the back of your hand as he slowly lets go. Susan finally reaches the both of you and grabs onto her husband's arm to pull him away. 

You give him a sweet smile, pushing your chest out in a calculated move so he has no choice but to look.   

“I’m just visiting my sister over on Ocean Avenue. The neighborhood is so nice I thought it would be perfect for my morning runs.” 

“I agree, you can run anytime you want–” 

“Sweetie,” Susan interrupts in a high-pitched voice, “you’re going to be late.”

He asks for your name and what you’re studying in college, then shakes your hand again while Susan seethes next to the driver’s side door. He drives off, promising a tour of the country club later that day. You're left standing alone with Susan, just as you wanted.  

“Look here, young lady,” she snarls, “this is a neighborhood full of families. Not some frat house. We do not allow blatant displays of–of–well this ,” she says as she motions to your workout attire. “I am going to write your sister a citation for this disrespectful action.” 

“Well, that does make me sad. I guess I’ll have to ask your husband to cheer me up later when I visit him.” 

Her face turns beet red and you wonder briefly if steam will come out of her ears. “What did you just say?” 

“Your husband was so nice in inviting me to the country club, how can I say no? I really need to work on my swing–” 

“You stay away from my husband,” she whispers, pointing a finger at your face, “or I will find a way to run your sister out of this neighborhood.” 

“Leave my sister alone,” you say as you walk right up to her and push her finger out of the way, “or I’ll fuck your husband.”

Susan gasps, dramatically placing a hand over her mouth. 

“I’ll make sure he finishes inside me, too. Maybe give him a baby.” 

With that, you continue your jog down the sidewalk. You don’t notice Susan’s neighbor, who stands by his gate and watches you run off.  

- 

You continue your jogs for the next few days, waving at Susan and her husband every morning. You and Susan come to an unspoken agreement: she stops bothering your sister and you make sure to stay away from her husband. 

Just as you jog past her house, you notice an envelope on the sidewalk. It’s next to a brick mailbox that has the name Miller written on a plaque. You check the envelope and sure enough you see it's made out to a Joel Miller . 

You walk up to the iron gate that matches the address and call out a hello , but no one answers. There’s red roses that wrap around the expansive gate which look and smell beautiful, but block your view inside. You test the handle of the gate and luckily it opens. 

“They must’ve dropped it when getting the mail this morning,” you mumble to yourself. 

“Mornin’, doll,” a gruff voice calls out to your right. 

You jump slightly and turn to look, finding a man crouched by the gate. He stands to his full height and you have to tilt your head up just so you can keep eye contact. 

“Good morning,” you whisper. 

He’s older and handsome, much more attractive than the college boys you're used to. He places his gardening shears down and takes off his gloves to shake your hand. You do your best to control the shiver that courses through your body at the touch of his warm skin. 

“Joel,” he states, swiping his other hand through his salt and pepper hair. 

You open your mouth to say your name, but he beats you to it. 

“How did you know–” 

“I heard your conversation with Susan the other day,” Joel interrupts with a slight smirk. 

His hand tightens for a moment until he lets go, dragging his fingers over your palm. You feel embarrassment wash over your body and you quickly hand him the envelope. 

“Right–um, how much of the conversation did you hear?” 

He lets out a laugh and drops the envelope into a basket that you’ve now just noticed. It’s full of the same red roses that cover his gate. 

“Just the part where you threatened to fuck her husband if she didn’t leave your sister alone,” he says, placing his hands on his hips. “Effective threat, it seems.” 

His eyes sweep over your body and you become hyper aware of the workout clothes you're wearing. Once again, a sports bra and running shorts. 

“She’s backed down,” you say after a few moments, crossing your arms to cover your pebbling nipples. 

“So,” he continues while walking closer, “you offerin’ to fuck every man on the block or just her’s?” 

His words send a shock wave through your body, landing right between your legs. You ignore the pulsing in your cunt and instead lift your hand to slap him across the face. 

As if he’s able to sense what you’re about to do, he catches your wrist before your hand makes contact with his face. 

“How dare you–”  

“Don’t act so innocent now,” he growls, pushing your body against the gate. “You told Susan you were going to let ‘em fill you up. Put a baby inside of you.” 

Your back makes contact with the gate, luckily in a place where there’s no thorns. You try to push out of his hold, confused at how much you enjoy being manhandled by an older man you just met. 

“Let me go or I’ll scream–”

“Joel?” a familiar high-pitched voice interrupts you. “Are you there?” 

Your body stills at the sound of Susan’s voice. Theoretically, you could use this opportunity to scream for help. Sure, you’d have to face Susan again, but you’d be able to escape. 

Except, Joel manages to pick up your lower body and push his jean-covered cock right against your cunt. You wrap your legs around his waist to not fall and place one hand on the iron gate behind you.

He rocks against you, moving a finger in front of his mouth, motioning you to stay quiet. Your mouth drops open in surprise as he grabs your hips and begins to grind you down on him. 

“Yes, ma’am. What can I help you with?” Joel responds. 

She tries to open the gate and you press your body back so she won’t see you. You’re not quite sure why you’re trying to hide. 

“Joel, honey. Your gate is locked,” she says. “Come unlock it and let me in.”  

Through your daze, you faintly register her tone. Did she just call him honey?  

“Sorry, Susan. It does that sometimes. I’ve got my hands full at the moment,” Joel calls out, giving you another hard thrust. 

You bite your lip to stop the moan that threatens to escape. 

“That’s okay, I just wanted to stop by and warn you about the young lady that’s staying with her sister over on Ocean Avenue.” 

Joel raises his eyebrow and stops his movements, dropping your thighs from his hold. You're shocked again, feeling dejected that he’s stopping.  

He quickly spins you around and bends you over, pushing a hand between your thighs. You grab onto the iron gate once more and slap a hand over your mouth as he begins to rub a big hand over your thin shorts. 

“Warn me?” he calls out. “What’s this young lady been up to?” 

“Well, that–that– tramp ,” Susan spits out, “is acting in ways that she shouldn’t. I know you’re a hardworking man who has done so much for our community and the last thing I want is this girl making you uncomfortable.” 

Joel yanks down your shorts and plunges a thick finger inside of you. You’d roll your eyes at her words but instead they're rolling into the back of your skull. He thrusts his finger a few times and calls out a is that right to Susan. 

Joel adds another finger and you almost fall at the stretch. If those are just his fingers, you wonder how big his cock is. He uses his other hand to keep you steady and continues to fuck you with his thick fingers while talking to her. 

“I just,” Susan continues, “I don’t know what to do. Maybe we can find a way for the sister to leave? If we all band together?” 

Joel removes his hand from between your legs and places it on your back to keep you in place. This time you actually struggle in his hold, wanting to face Susan and give her a piece of your mind. 

“Now, Susan,” Joel admonishes, “don’t go blaming the sister for the younger one’s actions. There’s no need to be spiteful to our new neighbor. There’s more than enough room in this neighborhood for everyone.” 

You stop, surprised that Joel is standing up for your sister. He presses against you and you feel the roughness of his jeans on your bare skin. He brings you in close, gently rubbing his crotch on your slick cunt. 

“Oh, you’re so right, Joel. I just get so caught up in the politics of the HOA. I want this community to be perfect.” 

A wet glob of spit lands on your asshole and you clench in surprise. Joel quietly unzips his jeans and takes out his cock. 

“Fucking perfect little asshole,” he whispers, pushing the tip of his cock right on your hole. “Not today, baby. Today is that juicy, little cunt.” 

You arch your back and barely manage to stifle a whimper when he teases the tip of your entrance. 

“What was that, Joel?” Susan calls out. 

“That the community is already perfect, Susan.” 

His voice sounds annoyed at this point. 

“You think so, Joel? Thank you, I–” 

Joel uses that moment to plunge inside of you, bumping your g-spot and reaching so deep that you choke on your own spit. 

“I’m getting a call, Susan,” Joel says through gritted teeth, “I’ll speak to you later.” 

Susan gives a sad goodbye while you bite on your hand to stop your moans. Joel is big, much bigger than any of the boys in your past. Your pussy spasms and flutters over his length and you breathe in deep to adjust to the size. 

“S’tight,” he mutters, ”keep quiet f’me, doll. Too many people on the sidewalk at this time of mornin’.” 

You hum in response, wanting him to fuck you, to stretch you and make you come on his cock. He starts a rhythm, keeping one hand on your waist so you match his thrusts and the other slips between your thighs. 

Sticky wetness drips down your inner thighs and he swipes two fingers through the mess to bring them up to your clit. Joel pistons faster, rubbing harsh circles on your clit that have you accidently whimpering in pleasure. 

“I know, baby,” he coos, “feels so good, doesn’t it?” 

“ Y–yes ,” you whisper. 

“Showing off that pretty body when runnin’ around the neighborhood,” he groans. “Picking fights and trespassing. Just needed someone to fuck some manners into you.” 

Your fingers curl into the iron gate and your back arches even deeper. He speeds up, becomes harsher in his thrusts once he notices your pussy become softer, wetter, gripping his cock with each plunge. 

“Little cunt can barely take my cock,” Joel groans, “fuck, doll. You’re choking me.”

You wish you could bite his neck, leave red hickeys on his tan skin that you imagine tastes like salt and roses and spearmint. Your head spins from lust and you feel the coil in your belly, ready to burst at any moment. 

You hear voices, people walking past on the sidewalk for some early morning exercise. Joel lands a quick slap, slap to your clit and your cumming, clenching hard on his length while you fall apart. 

Your vision blurs and you faintly hear him say there you go, make a fuckin’ mess on me . Wetness spills from your cunt, only making it easier for Joel. You bite hard on your bottom lip to stop the whimpers and your fingers curl into the iron gate. 

“Gonna cum inside this pussy, put a baby in there,” he whispers. 

“ Please, Joel,” you whine. 

He brings your back to his chest, molds his lips to your neck and bites down, moving you like his personal fleshlight. Joel groans in your shoulder and then you feel it, hot pulses of cum, filling you up. 

You hold onto his arm that's branded across your chest and squeeze down on him, milking every drop from his body, wanting it to mark you deep inside.

Joel's body trembles from the exertion and he stumbles as he finishes, turning his body to lean on the iron gate with you still attached to his cock.

He keeps you pressed to him for a few moments, keeping his nose pressed to your neck as he breathes deep. Your own breathing regulates and you become aware of the sensitivity all over your body.

Joel stands straight and gently pulls out. He reaches into his jeans pocket to reach for a clean handkerchief that he uses to clean up between your thighs.

"Same time tomorrow?" he asks.

You manage a rough fuck off and lightly push at his shoulders. He laughs and helps you fix your clothes. He swipes your phone that fell on the ground the moment he pushed you to the gate, having you unlock it so he can put in his phone number.

You make it back home a few minutes later, sore but for the most part, satiated . Your sister gets home hours later, once you've relaxed in her ginormous bathtub and washed away the evidence of your morning run.

"Are you seeing someone?" she teases as she walks in.

"What? No, why?"

"Someone left a giant bouquet of red roses on the porch." 

Sure enough, you find a bouquet of familiar red roses on the front doorstep. You don’t need a notecard to know who they're from. 

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Wow, looks like this home was the first to colonize another planet. It was built in 2003 in Rural Lethbridge County, Alberta, Canada, has 5bds, 5ba, asking $1.925M. (What, no HOA?) Let's look around. It would make a great compound.

Double front doors open to the living room.

The living room has a window wall so you can enjoy the deck that goes around most of the house, plus the view of desolation.

Open concept, large dining room with a view, also, but of the empty road no one will be coming down.

Area for everyday dining. Don't even bother inviting the gang for a sing-along, 'cuz they ain't comin' out here.

The architectural features I love most about the house. The central kitchen pavilion with built-in counter/fireplace and loft, flanked by one open and one enclosed shelf unit.

2nd centralized stair structure mirrors the kitchen.

This is a huge home. A wall of book shelves separates the family room from the main open area. (The lights on the ceiling must've been inspired by a series of lights on the underside of a flying saucer.)

This might be the primary bedroom with sitting area, corner fireplace and sliders to the terrace.

Check out this fancy bath.

On the ground level there's an enormous rec room for entertaining. Okay.

There's a conversation area set up here, with a fireplace and view.

The bar is big, but I can't tell if it has a kitchenette.

I think that the owner's using this large room as the primary bd.

This is a pool room. Looks like they were really expecting a lot of company.

31.33 acres of land, or whatever that gray stuff is.

[macaquebusiness]

Fun facts for my dadow au that are random-

Silver has adhd and autism

Solaris Mephiles and Iblis are the same ones from the games but more mellowed out as it’s been years for them by the start of the fic

Shadow on the side fosters cats

Iblis has anger issues but is attending anger management alongside Solaris who has them aswell but not that extreme

Mephiles is the reason Silver adores Arthurian legend

The gang(Mephiles Iblis Solaris and Silver) have known each other since Silver was like 6 years old due to the trio being his foster family’s go to baby sitters. Only in the past year is silver living among them

Shadow and Sonic temporarily live in a neighborhood with a HOA. But there house is not in the HOA’s area of control(weird shit with previous owner not liking the HOA president Karol)

Shadow was the one who brought up fostering to Sonic and has spent so much time to make a decent room for silver that he can later decorate.

[ultrabananapudding]

Rachel and Eric didn't have the smoothest break-up to say the least

Reference:

[brucewaynehater101]

I saw a video about a HOA president being rude to a worker who was cleaning a house in the neighborhood

He apparently said things like "get out of my neighborhood" and interfered with the guy doing his job

(the HOA guy was highly sued)

You know what my first thought was?

Batman is an HOA and Gotham is "his" neighborhood

Like, it all makes sense now

His possessiveness over Gotham, his refusal to have vigilantes that aren't under his control, the micromanagement of the entire city through WE

What do you think?

I hate HOA and Bruce, so I like this theory ^^

The only thing is that there aren't really "board-elected representatives." Bruce just stepped up, and Jim supported him. Bruce also doesn't collect money from people like the HOA does.

However, now you made me think how similar gangs are to HOAs. Gangs collect "protection fees" and instill their own rules in their territory.

Yo! What about a Wayne Mafia AU where Bruce hides his activities by pretending it's all HOA shit? Like yeah! Of course he's collecting money from his neighbors. HOA fees, ya know? Or yeah! The Petersons "moved" because they wanted to get away from HOA living. They didn't leave a follow-up address.

It'd be kind for hilarious

[victorspindrop]

OG HOA Characters and what their Major would be in College

Side note; once again hello I am alive. Currently in my last year of college so I have been dedicating majority of my time to my studies. I still have ideas and love for this account I am just not really consistent so my apologies. With school being my priority right now, it has got me thinking about what each of the characters major would be if they ended up going to university. Hope you all enjoy <3

Nina

I think we as a fandom have collectively decided Nina would be maybe a journalism major or a history major, and honestly I think that is very accurate!

Personally, I can see her being a History major with a Journalism minor

I mean especially from all her sibuna escapades, she loved learning the history of the house and all that was in it

I like to think she carried that love with her beyond Anubis. Maybe it makes her feel at home in a way (was Anubis traumatic? yes. but it was home <3)

I think writing the play back in S1, although stressful during the time due to a centuries old scavenger hunt, I think maybe that ignited a love of writing in her and she ended up doing it as a hobby for a while

I mean, she had a diary so obviously writing of some sorts seemed to be therapeutic for her (apparently to therapeutic in S3 smh) IM SORRY BAD JOKE BAD JOKE

Amber

Amber OBVIOUSLY went into something to do with fashion ; I mean she left in S3 to go to a fashion school so it checks out, and she's Amber so DUH

Majoring in Fashion Design, holding her own little runways during the school year

Maybe even having a clothing sale on campus at some point in the year

EVERYONE wants to get their hands on an Amber original

If she didn't go in fashion design I could also see her being a business major

Amber is our OG #GirlBoss so I can see her going into this major with the intents of learning the odds and ins of running a business

I think shed still be selling some sort of fashion or accessory but she would just be studying the principles of running a business.

She gives very Elle Woods "I have a 4.0 average!" "Yeah in fashion merchandising..."

Fabian

Fabian definitely gives History major to me as well (Fabina is the cutest couple in the history department)

Him and Nina compare notes <3

He was always a studious guy so it makes sense!

I can see him potentially becoming a Museum Curator (Him and the Sibuna gang found half of the relics in the museum)

Fabian is also our music guy, I will never forgive the writers for not putting in more clips of Fabian and his guitar UGHHH

I could see him picking up a Music minor just as a backup (more importantly for fun)

He really enjoys his History of Music class because its literally his two favorite subjects TOGETHER

HIs professors are very impressed with his knowledge of ancient Egyptian mythology (little do they know...)

Patricia

Honestly Patricia is hard for me to figure out

I think she’d maybe take a gap year or something after Anubis or maybe travel the USA and hang with Eddie maybe?

Maybe she would go into criminology?

Idk maybe being kidnapped and seeing an unjust system (the police being a part of Victors life cult) she’d want to be in the system herself because “at least i’ll be doing what’s right even if everyone else isn’t”

I think also having no one to listen and help her in S1 may fuel this as well.

Or hell, maybe she’d major in law

then she’d get to prosecute all the shitty people doing shitty things

Alfie

literally had to consult the discord to figure out stuff for this mf

I now know technically he probs went for business cause of his dad, BOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK THAT IDEA LET MY BOY BE HAPPY

Some sort of art major

I like to think he made most of his costumes so maybe something within theater costuming

or hell even theater we know he would do so good

He loves putting on shows and making people laugh, it what he LIVES for

Maybe he goes on to have some sort of comedy special

Also idea from the HOA discord im in, him and Jerome def went to the same college and were roommates (oh my god they were roommates)

Jerome

this bitch went into business or something for sure

I will never forget Jerome basically have a homework selling SIDE HUSTLE in S1

(and Fabian threatening to expose him)

Finds some sort of niche that wouldn't be illegal and expands on it

actually does pretty well, he has experience per say so

Since Alfie did art as a major, Jerome lets him take home his business textbooks so his dad doesn't find out he isn't majoring in business (i love these two dumbasses so much guys i love friendship ugh)

Mick

Sports medicine probably

you guys know mick is like a thumb to me character-wise love him and dont at the same time

Mara

MY GIRL WENT INTO PSYCHOLOGY

you guys can trust me on this, I am literally getting my bachelors in psychology

tbh she just LOOKS like I would see her in one of my psych classes

She was trying (for a while) to help calm Patricia and talk her through her worries early on in S1 , I think its just in her nature to want to help others

She went as far as cheating on a test to help someone, girl goes the extra mile...even if the mile was wrong

Also beginning S1 when Amber first voices her concerns about Mick not loving her anymore Mara is literally the first one to be like "No that's not true!"

I feel like she would just go the cognitive therapist route (basically your average sit down talk to therapist)

She might go into some of the more neuroscience sides of psychology since she was so studious and SO GOOD at science and stuff (our "biology babe")

Joy

journalism with a communication minor for sure

she ran that school newspaper like it was the navy

I like to think she would go on to be apart of the newspaper/news group of her college

Maybe she goes on to be a reporter or something

or maybe she has a column in the news or maybe even works for a magazine company

[hedgiestail]

Надеюсь по шапке мне за такое не надают😅

Решила вкинуть пачку своих любимых мемасов по пепельнице собранных по разным закромам интернетов 🏠🚬👌

I sadly unable to translate the first one, cause it's a wordplay, but for the others:

3) Box for jarheads

5) Jason when Rachel tell him not to handle a gun to Salim: "You don't have to tell me twice, I don't care from the first"

6) Can I be considered a God if no one believe in me too

7)

parent/best nanny

beer aunty

"Shut the hell up and watch TV"

House is on fire, God is dead

Trying his best

Baby

[hyperfixatinglove]

If I could, I would in heartbeat pluck Eric King out of his source, make everyone believe he hasn't done the things he gets blamed for and maybe drop him in some Wolfenstein-esque shooter with deep story & actual guts and respect to treat his disability and him personally with the love and care and respect he deserves

[azspot]

And every single piece of news I hear is either consistent with: 1) a gang of fascist billionairist thugs deliberately trying to demolish every aspect of our shared society because doing so will make it easy for them to gather all the loot, in the same way that a bank is easier to rob if you've torn off the back wall; 2) a gang of fascist billionairist thugs attempting to seize ownership of every aspect of our lives and bodies so that they can enslave as many of us as possible; 3) a gang of fascist Christian billionairist thugs attempting to harm everyone who is not a white Christian man in order to satisfy their own loathsome bigotries; or 4) a gang of fascist Christian billionairist thugs attempting to burn the world to a crisp because they believe that the destruction of the world means that their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will return to give them what they know they deserve (which is an eternal gated community with an omnipotent HOA) and to give all the other billions of humans on the planet, who these Christians hate, what they all deserve (which is an eternity of conscious excruciating torture).

It's The Fascism, Stupid

[ofsapphicambers]

i’m trying adderall for the first time tomorrow wish me LUCK.

fluoxetine time (once cvs actually fills it lol) 🤩🤩🤩

[themisinformer]

Big Bird Shot Dead in Apparent Gang Related Shooting

SESAME STREET - Residents of Sesame Street have been in shock today after the tragic death of beloved feathered icon Big Bird, who authorities say was caught in the middle of what appears to be a gang related altercation. According to police reports, Big Bird, who was known for his towering height, vibrant yellow feathers, and friendly demeanor, was found unresponsive near the corner of Hooper Avenue and Ernie Boulevard earlier this morning.

Witnesses say they heard gunshots being fired, followed by a loud “AWK!” and then what sounded like fellow puppets fleeing the scene. In the aftermath, Big Bird was seen lying lifelessly on the ground, with his feathers everywhere. Detectives are now in the process of investigating links between this shooting and the ongoing turf wars between the Sesame Street Crips and the Alphabet Boyz, two notorious puppet crews that claim Sesame Street as their turf that have had a longstanding rivalry over their claims, both believing that they should have total control of Sesame Street.

“It’s a dirty game out here,” said local homeless man and reluctant witness, Oscar the Grouch. “You don’t live this long on the block without seeing a few feathers get ruffled.” Big Bird’s unexpected demise comes amid rising tensions in the usually safe and family oriented neighborhood.

Sources say that the Alphabet Boyz, who is believed to be led by local street legend Elmo “RedRum” Furchester, recently violently took control of some of the Sesame Street Crips’ territory, undermining Big Bird’s previous peacekeeping efforts. Known as a mediator in Sesame Street’s longstanding gang politics, Big Bird had previously tried to unite all parties with his infamous mantra, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

“He was like a big brother to all of us,” said Cookie Monster, a longtime friend of Big Bird, who was visibly shaken and holding onto what reporters believed was his fifth cookie of the day. “Big Bird was trying to teach us all about friendship and kindness. Now, all we have left is crumbs.”

The suspected leader of the Sesame Street Crips, known only as “Bert,” refused to comment on the incident, while his partner in crime, a man that goes by “Ernie,” who was seen sporting two gold chains with the letters “ABC” and the numbers “123” on them, simply said, “I ain’t got nothin’ to say. Ernie ain’t no snitch, ya heard?”

Authorities are now urging all residents of Sesame Street to stay indoors during the night, lock their toy chests, and to be on the lookout for any suspicious individuals, including but not limited to “anything with googly eyes.” In a statement to the media, Sesame Street’s HOA would emphasize the need for unity during this time: “Sesame Street has always been about inclusion, but sometimes, all it takes is one bad apple… Or in this case, a rogue red puppet.”

A vigil will be held in Big Bird’s honor tonight, where residents will be gathering to sing Big Bird’s favorite songs and recount all the lessons that they taught them.