#his eyes are so shiny and he cried so many times in this episode

[byemambo]

JES JESPIPAT AS TYME

4MINUTES (2024) | 1.07

Bonus: "When you're all better, let's go out for a meal together."

[rialikesbts]

Reclusive

Idol ! Jimin × reader

Masterlist

The smile on your face could not leave. You were sure your cheeks would start hurting any moment now, but you didn't care.

You just met the world wide award winning boys whom you  have been a fan of since their debut and you couldn't be happier. 

After attending their concert, you went to attend their fansign. There, you met so many wonderful fans and you enjoyed your time seeing the boys, getting their autographs and talking to them. You had so much fun! 

You were sitting at the bus stop when someone grabbed your hand. You looked towards the person to see a familiar face clad in a black hoodie and wearing a mask, but those cute small eyes gave it away. 

Before you could say anything, he put a finger on his mouth, indicating for you to be silent and pulled you towards a black shiny car, which you assumed to be his. 

You both sat down in his car. He was buckling his seat belt but you were too dumbfounded to do any sort of movement.

You were in the car with the man of your dreams.

It was like a dream come true.

Best of all ,he was the one who approached you.

You were sure there would be hidden cameras in the car .Maybe he was doing a reality tv show and this might be an episode where idol members surprised their fans.You didn't want to embarass him by saying cringy stuff and comes off as a weirdo.

"Jimin-ssi, where are you taking me?" 

"I am taking you home baby. Now, will you strap your seat belt on,or should I do it for you?" He says, suggestively. 

Now that was an answer you were totally not expecting.

Flustered at his statement, you quickly strapped the seat belt on, wondering when the crew would be showing themselves.

Jimin started driving. For a few minutes, you didn't say anything. Until you realized that he didn't ask you for directions at all. 

" Jimin-ssi, you haven't asked me for the directions to my home yet." You say, turning to him. 

"I never said I was taking you to your home, honey. We're going to our home." 

Our?! 

"Wha… what do you mean by that?!" You say, raising your voice a little bit, now nervous.

Even if he was a world known idol, he was still an unknown man. And God knows where he was taking you.And there were no crew memebrs jumping out to surprise you yet.

You were getting wary and scared.

Maybe this is not what I thought it would be ?

You knew that trying to get out of the car was a useless idea; he had already locked the doors.

So you had to resort to persuasion. 

"Please, don't do this. I just want to go home. My home." You cried out. 

You could see him clenching his jaw. You had made him angry.

"Baby stop angering me by spouting nonsense. We are going home, like it or not." 

You sat for a while and then fished your bag to find your phone. However, before you could even find the device, Jimin harshly grabbed your bag and threw it out of the window. 

The car soon arrived at some luxury apartment's basement. Jimin got out and took your hand by force, dragging you towards the elevator. 

His grip was very tight,you were sure it would leave a mark, but that was the least of your worries right now. 

Jimin pulled you into his apartment after entering the passcode.He then opened a random door of his home, pushed you in and locked the door. 

"I'm sorry baby, you made me do this. Don't worry, I will let you out when you behave again." His muffled voice comes out of the door. 

Your tears started pouring down.You were alone in an unknown room, in an unknown house with a man you only knew from television. 

At least he hadn't caused any harm to you like others in these situations. 

Yeah.Thank god he hadn't done anything to you. 

You laid on the small bed in the room and fell asleep instantly as you were tired from today's event. 

Days passed. You were fed with bread and water from time to time. Nothing else. Everyday was a cycle of eating and sleeping. 

 

You had no form of entertainment.Jimin just said goodbyes and good mornings to you outside the door and never showed himself. 

Maybe this was his way of making you submit to him,which was working incredibly well because you were at your wit's end. 

Almost three weeks had passed since you were kidnapped and locked in a room. You went berserk.You longed for human contact. Craved for food other than bread and water.Wanting to wear nicer clothes than just  extra large tee shirts and pajamas. 

He opened the door finally after exactly three and half weeks. Standing at the entrance of the room you were trapped in,he asked you.

"Did you learn your lesson sweetheart?" 

You nodded furiously, tears in your eyes. You jumped at Jimin and wrapped your arms around him. 

It had been such  a long time since you hugged someone. Since you talked to someone.

And if Jimin was going to be the only one you were allowed to talk to, so be it. 

Jimin put his hands on your back, hugging you back, satisfied with your reaction. He had finally broken you. 

 He put his chin over your shoulder. 

"I'm really sorry, baby." He said. 

"It's okay. I was being a bad girl too. I'm sorry. Please don't do this to me again. I don't want to live alone anymore." 

"Don't worry angel, just be a good girl and you won't be punished." 

With that,he lays you on his bed and kisses you passionately.After hours of conversation and pecks and kisses, the both of you fall asleep in each other's arms.

And for the first time in weeks, you feel  warmth. 

[violettelueur]

— ITADORI YUJI + GOJO SATORU + RYOMEN SUKUNA + NANAMI KENTO || THEIR S/O TURNING INTO BABIES/TODDLERS

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + gojo satoru + ryomen sukuna + nanami kento from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 03 april

↳ pronouns : non specified in headcanon

↳ request : Hi! May I request a headcanon just like the previous one you did with the s/o turning into a child but with Gojo, Itadori, Sukuna and Nanami? Thank you, I'm always looking forward to your works and love them very much!!!

↳ barista’s notes : i am so sad that i didn’t enjoy jujutsu kaisen friday...it feels really weird to not watch an episode ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ but update on my life, on genshin impact i am on AR 39 since i finished my assession thingy and i am plannning to spend a lot on money on small business and skincare because it’s my two week holiday (if i do not become stingy because i am with money - call me MeiMei) and i can’t shop physically because of COVID....other than that, i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee and come back soon ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ

Itadori would be most surprised out of everyone when he finds out that you have turned into a child. For example, he would wake up and would instantly fall off his bed once he finds a toddler in his presence.

The first person he will go to is Fushiguro because ‘best friends for life I say’ and to be honest, you will probably cry/become nervous the second you see him because he has an annoyed look on his face leading you to hide under the blanket.

Itadori will panic and pull you into his arms with the blanket over because you are just scared of his friend and Fushiguro will be confused since you were friends with him after all.

You will have the brightest smile when you are with Itadori and you love it when he would raise you up in the air because it seems like you are flying.

When Itadori runs, you will giggle so much because it’s like being in a race car because of how fast he goes and the first years will wonder why you are not scared one bit.

I feel like you are comfortable with other people carrying you like even Gojo can, but when you want to go to Itadori...they better pass you on to him.

You and Itadori will always high-five each other just to make you happy because you would always raise your hand to him.

What Itadori finds really adorable is when you pick up a basketball because it looks really big compared to your toddler size and it is extra adorable when you try to throw it into the hoop with a little jump to copy him...like it just doesn’t reach.

This is when he would carry you up in the air and allow you to place the ball into the hoop because he really loves it when you cheer brightly.

When you run around, expect either Itadori to run slower because it seems like you are having so much fun or him to scoop you up into his arms because he is just really fast.

If Sukuna appears on his cheek, you would either slap it because you think it’s weird or just stare because it’s something you don’t see every day.

Itadori will have to force himself to watch cartoons with you because that is the only thing you would watch rather than you regular anime/movie nights that you would have with him.

After the whole cursed technique has been reversed, you would have no recollection of what just happened for the past 24 hours leading Itadori to explain - but I feel like he is the type to rather giggle in the middle of his explanation leading you to ask Fushiguro and Kugsaki in the end.

When you have turned into a toddler, Gojo will have no clue on what to do or say - even though he technically raised Fushiguro, doesn’t mean he has parental skills...he knows how to financially support someone.

In the beginning, he would be looking at you with such endearment because of how adorable you look and will absolutely take thousands of photos of you.

However, it seemed like you somehow retained your personality because the second he takes the 1000th photo, you would smack the phone out of his hands, surprising him completely.

You seem to be quite a calm child since you don’t really refuse to let him carry you, you just let him while he parades you around the school to show you off.

You will call him ‘Mr’ - don’t know why...maybe to tease him.

Gojo is the type to spin you around and twirl you like a princess because you are and forever will be to him - he sort of begins to notice your quite a quiet child.

The first years would be really shocked at your new appearance, especially Fushiguro since you did raise him...now it’s kind of his turn…

Nanami will try to take you away from Gojo because he’s worried that his colleague will do something really stupid to the point where you are injured in the process - but your man is adamant that he won’t hurt you.

Gojo will treat you to many sweets and that will cause a little shine of excitement to shine in your eyes because it’s a kid’s dream, right?

He really likes to feed you because it seems fun to him - I can imagine him saying ‘here comes the train’ and you would just grab the fork and guide it to your mouth.

When Gojo finally lifts up his blindfold, you would be surprised by them because they are so shiny - like you would stare at them for quite a bit that causes Gojo to freeze because you were dead frozen.

But when you show the brightest smile and place your hand on his cheeks, he relaxes before letting you do what you want to do. 

Say “Pwetty eyes” and Gojo will blush on the spot because you would always compliment his eyes when you were in your original form.

When the time has passed the 24-hour mark and you are back to normal, Gojo will instantly tell you what happened before you even ask - like “you were so adorable as a baby~ where are your baby photos?” while scrolling the pictures through his phone to show you.

He will 100% have baby fever after...

When Sukuna discovers you in your miniature form as a child, he will laugh at you for a good hour or more because he thinks how funny it is that you let a curse affect you like this.

However, what Sukuna finds really weird is that you’re not really afraid of him but rather interested because you would move closer to him to get a good look.

You will 100% tug on his kimono to get his attention and at first, it does annoy him completely because you are messing up with clothing but after a while, he finds it really assuming that you want his attention.

If you are in his domain, he will let you roam around in the water but he will find it really irritating that you are making loud noises since he is used to the quiet.

If you trip or fall down on your face, expect the King of Curses to laugh at you because he laughs at everyone’s misery - but he will be shocked that you haven’t cried at all.

He is the type of person that would say kids have no fear whatsoever - that is because of you.

Unlike the others, Sukuna will carry you by the collar of your shirt or just the back of your shirt and leave you hanging for some time - but it’s fun for you since you're just chilling and swinging.

Just because you are his significant other, doesn’t mean the word ‘brat’ won’t leave his mouth when he addresses you - the second you become a child, is the moment where you are a brat to him, but a brat that he loves.

After a while, when you start walking around in his domain after relaxing for some time, Sukuna would follow you slowly from behind because it just wants to see you waddle…

When you sit with him on his little skull seat, you will either play with his hands because his nails are just really long and you find that interesting or you would trace his marks because who the hell has marks on their face?

Sukuna would once again comment how children have no fears but wouldn’t stop you from touching the markings that he has on his face because he finds your expression of awe quite funny.

When you go back to your original form and remember nothing, Sukuna wouldn’t really tell you what happened but will just give you a smirk before saying “so what are you going to repay me with since you annoyed me so much as a little brat?” - huh?

When Nanami finds you in your little toddler state after being hit with a curse technique, he will literally have a whole staring contest with you for a few minutes.

You would probably stare at him for quite some time as well before either your eyes begin to tear up because he looks really scary or your arms would raise up, conveying to him that you want to be picked up.

You would call him ‘Nanamin’ just like how Itadori does and when Itadori finds out, he can’t help but find it really cute that you have picked up his habit.

For a child, you are quite interactive since when Nanami comes back to inform the school, you would wave to greet everyone that walks past and Gojo will find it really amusing - Nanami wouldn’t show it, but he thinks it’s endearing of you.

Gojo will definitely laugh at you for sometime before reaching out to hold you, only for you to wrap your arms around Nanami’s neck really tightly.

You would definitely fiddle with his glasses and try to put them on your face because it seems fun and you always wanted to try them on - now you have an excuse.

Nanami will make sure that you are well taken care of. He will make sure that you have eaten, hydrated with water, be in safe hands if he needs to go somewhere and he will help you clean up if you need help.

Let's just say he is the most responsible out of the four people in this headcanon right now because he is Nanami Kento.

If you somehow manage to get close to his weapon, he will quickly take it away from your reach because he is worried that you might hurt yourself.

Nanami has made one rule to himself and that is to never leave you in the care of Gojo Satoru because he has no idea what he would do with you - I don’t think he would take you to Ino as well because...it’s Ino (In conclusion, he will leave you to Shoko).

When Ino first sees you, he thinks Nanami is joking with him until he notices how much the child looks like you, only to shout your name in complete surprise causing you to giggle because it’s a funny sight.

If you snuggle your head in the crook of his neck, Nanami can’t help but smile slightly because it reminds him now you would do that as an adult when he came home from work and he can’t help but find it adorable that you kept that habit.

When you go back to your adult form after the 24 hours are up, Nanami will tell you what happened if you want to know and will probably warn you about the blackmail material Gojo has gained in the process.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[youare-mysonshine]

heavy || bucky barnes

Summary: reader’s mental health has been taking a decline and bucky is there.

Requested: No

Pairing: TFATWS Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: talks of mental health, depression, anxiety, angst, cussing.

Word Count: 3.2K

A/N: Hey guys, I’m back I guess lmao. I’ve really been struggling with my mental health lately and I guess I kinda just wanted to put it into words, something productive? And I’ve been feeling our angsty emo boy bucky barnes. Most of you might’ve followed me for my Oscar fics but I kinda wanna branch out and I thought this would be a good time to do so. Anyways, I know that some of you have inboxed me or messaged me and I haven’t responded and I’m sorry. But I just want you all to know that if you’re struggling, I’m always here to talk. About anything, always. So, I hope you enjoy this. I might’ve cried while writing this lmao and I also might’ve ended it on such an awkward place but, i’m still getting used to writing again. (Flashbacks are in italics)

————

Bucky didn’t miss the dark circles under your eyes. He didn’t miss the way you sort of slouched as you approached him. He didn’t miss the way that your smile didn’t really meet your eyes.

“Hey,” You said in a breathless voice. “Sorry, I’m late. I got held up.” You said as you took a seat across from him in the booth. Held up. It was better than telling him that you were thinking of just not showing up at all. In the end, you knew that you couldn’t do that. You couldn’t just blow off your new friend who you had so enjoyed spending time with. So, in a rush, you got dressed and made your way to the small, quiet diner that you two had taken to frequenting together. Bucky Barnes was an enigma if you’d ever met one. The way that you had met was rather.. cliche and something straight from a story.

You had been trying to lay off of the caffeine for a while, realizing that you had nearly gone through an entire packet of 32 k-pods that you had just purchased. You realized that you might’ve had a problem. You had been going pretty strong with staying away from caffeine for the time being, until you passed by a coffee shop and got a whiff of coffee. You just couldn’t help yourself; you bought a cup of coffee. It was when you were walking down the street, holding the cup of coffee in one hand, looking down, that you didn’t see someone walking right in your path. You had collided into what seemed like a solid wall and the impact had caused you to squeeze the cup of coffee in surprise, the warm liquid burning your hand, staining your clothes and the other person. You had realized it was another person you had crashed into when you heard them let out a low cuss.

Bucky’s grumpy self had been fully prepared to tell you off for crashing into him, having just left his therapist’s office, but when you looked up at him with those bright eyes of yours, a million apologies spilling from your lips a mile a minute, he swallowed whatever harsh words had nearly sprung forth. He had apologized as well; both of you had been at fault. Bucky had been going over his session with Dr. Raynor that morning, completely lost in his own mind, and you had your eyes trained on the ground, something that was a bad habit of yours. The shock of realizing you had bumped into a man, a really really handsome man with the brightest blue eyes you had ever seen, had made you temporarily forget that you had practically scorched your hand with the coffee, and that you had gotten it on him as well.

“I’m so, so sorry.” You said once again, quickly averting your eyes from the handsome stranger’s face. Instead you focused on the smushed cup in your hand and the stains on his leather jacket. It just made you feel even terrible. “I, I can pay for you to get your jacket cleaned, if you want. Really. I wasn’t paying attention and I just, for whatever reason, squished my cup and.. I’m sorry.” You said, kind of breathlessly.

“It’s.. it’s alright.” His voice was like the coffee that you had been drinking. Smooth and rich. It was deep, something that reverberated deep in your chest and had your stomach fluttering with butterflies. “I wasn’t paying attention either. Really, it’s fine. And don’t worry about my jacket. No harm, no foul.” He said. “You should, uh, you should take care of that hand. Hope you didn’t burn yourself too bad.” He gestured to your hand, still clutching the cup, with one of his own gloved hands.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. It wasn’t that hot. Thank you, though. And again, I’m really, really sorry.” Sparing one, seemingly, last glance at the handsome stranger, you side stepped him and began to walk away, tossing the empty cup of coffee in a trash can on the sidewalk. But you didn’t get very far because that deep voice called out to you, halting you in your tracks.

“Can I buy you another cup of coffee?” Bucky’s mouth had opened and spoken the words long before his brain could even catch up. He didn’t know why he had asked you that, but something in his gut was just telling him too.

“What?” A look of total bewilderment had crossed your face and he had seen it.

“I just, well I thought that, since I bumped into you, I could make it up to you by buying you a new cup of coffee. If you wanted, I mean. You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anything.” Bucky clarified, hand stuffed in his pocket, waiting for your answer. For a few seconds, you simply stood there, unsure of what to say because surely this wasn’t happening? The last time that you had gone out with a guy was.. well, shit, you didn’t even remember the last time. The little voice in the back of your head, that anxious, paranoid little voice, was telling you not to go off with a stranger. You’d watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds and other true crime shows and documentaries to know that situations like this never turned out well. However, you didn’t get a bad feeling from this particular man. He seemed just as awkward and slightly frazzled as you felt. So you agreed.

“I’m Bucky, by the way.”

“Y/N.”

That had happened about two months ago. Ever since then, you and Bucky had formed a strong friendship. Your first time getting coffee with him had been awkward, as were the next few times that you had seen one another. But things got easier. Becoming friends was easy. You kind of fell into this routine, almost as if you two had known each other your whole lives. That was why Bucky telling you who he really was had been terrifying for him. He carried around guilt and shame and just contempt for everything he’d done. Everything The Winter Soldier represented, and when he told you, he figured that you would think the same. He had asked you meet him at the diner that had now become your spot and and you remember how he nervously wrung his gloved hands together. You remember when you asked him what was wrong and he didn’t verbally respond but he took off his gloves; the right one first and then the left, revealing a shiny black metal hand, golden lines intricately placed.

He told you then. Maybe he didn’t tell you everything but he told you who he was and he had braced himself for you to get up and storm out. Or, to yell at him and tell him how much of a monster he was. But, it never came. Instead, you reached out and placed your hand on top his. Not his real hand, but the metal one. You didn’t say anything. You just gave him that smile that was quickly becoming his favorite. Sometimes, silence spoke a thousand words. To Bucky, you had become kind of a respite for him. Even in the late nights or mornings when he woke up after a nightmare. Or after a particularly hard session with Dr. Raynor. He had closed himself off from other people except you.

Bucky might not have known it, but he gave you the same level of comfort as you gave him. You found yourself craving his presence. Every time you were around him, you couldn’t help but to smile or laugh. In the time that you spent together, your mind was clear and free from all your worries. It all evaporated into thin air. Your mind, usually so active with all sorts of thoughts and worries, could finally rest when you were with Bucky. You could sleep. You could get up in the morning without that stress and anxiety drowning you. It was okay. It was great.

Until it wasn’t.

“No problem, doll.” He said, gloved hands clasped under the table on his lap. “I already ordered. Got your usual. Hope that was alright.” He added, to which you nodded absentmindedly.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. Thanks Buck.” You said, mustering up a half hearted smile that didn’t reach your eyes. It was like even smiling drained the energy from you. You were exhausted. Not even just physically but mentally and emotionally. You had been having such good days for a while now, since meeting Bucky. You felt like maybe you would finally be alright but.. this feeling of hopelessness, the feeling that nothing was quite right, it was heavy. It weighed you down. It suffocated you. You wanted to be alone, but you also couldn’t stand to be alone because when you were alone, you were just stuck in your head and being in your head was the absolute worst place to be.

The intrusive thoughts had started. They told you that you would do nothing but weigh Bucky down. That he didn’t need someone like you in his life, someone with clear problems of their own, when he was going to therapy trying to better himself. Even if it had been mandatory for him to go. You wanted to push him away, save him from yourself, but you also couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

Bucky noticed the shift in you. Normally when you two met up, whether it was at the diner or anywhere else, you would usually talk his ear off. Not that he minded, he was content to just sit back and listen to you. Sometimes, you’d tell him about a new book that you had started reading. You had just started reading the fifth Harry Potter book and you were trying to get him to read them. You’d tell him about your day. You’d ask him how his day went, how it went with Dr. Raynor, though you never pushed for more information. You always let him share if he was comfortable with it and he appreciated that. Sometimes you teased him for being such an old man.

The food came soon after you had arrived and sure enough, Bucky had ordered your usual. It sent a pang through your heart when you realized that he had memorized your order, down to the extra syrup and whipped cream on the pancakes. Bucky always liked to make fun of you for ordering the same thing when you came to the diner. No matter what time it was, you always ordered the pancakes with extra syrup and extra whip cream, with the strawberries on the side. Secretly, though he found it adorable.

Today, you had barely even taken more than a few bites and that was what really let Bucky know that something wasn’t right. You kept your head down, eyes on the pancakes and you cut them up, bringing a few up to your mouth and chewing slowly, but you mostly just moved them around your plate with the fork in your hand. Bucky himself had barely taken only a few bites of the food he’d ordered for himself, but it wasn’t for lack of appetite, it was because of the growing concern. His bright blue eyes were now a stormy grey, kind of like the clouds that you see during a heavy storm. His brows were furrowed, giving him an appearance almost as if he were angry.

“You alright, Y/N? You’ve barely eaten your food and normally you finish before I do.” He attempted to joke, to bring about that smile that seemed to always fill him with warmth. He half expected you to look up at him with that cheeky little smile, a mischievous look in your eyes and say “You know, I would be offended by that, but I know why you eat so slow, Buck. I completely understand. You don’t want your dentures to fall out.” But it never came.

You don’t know what it was. Bucky asking you if you were alright or if it was simply all the pressure of just.. everything, finally breaking, but you could feel the hot tears in your eyes. They blurred your vision until you couldn’t really see the plate of the pancakes in focus. The dam had finally come apart and you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You set the fork down and buried your face in your hands, your shoulders lightly shaking as you began to cry. All Bucky could do was stare for a few seconds, alarm written all over his face. Alarm and distress because he had no idea what just happened and if he had done something to upset you.

“Woah woah, hey. Sweetheart, hey. What’s wrong?” In seconds, Bucky was out of his side of the booth and scooting in beside you. You felt the comfort of his warmth, you felt his arm tentatively, almost hesitantly, slide around your shoulders and anchor you to him. You shook your head, attempting to calm down, to stop the tears but the more you tried, the more they seemed to come.

“I-I’m sorry, Bucky.. I.. I’m sorry.. I-I’m fine. Really.” You said, sniffling. It was apparent to you both that you were not alright and he really just wanted to get to the bottom of it. Or at least attempt to comfort you. But doing that in the middle of a diner with other people around wasn’t ideal.

“Hey, my apartment is only a short walk away. Come on, let’s get you out of here and somewhere more quiet.” You didn’t protest. You just nodded and slid out of the booth after he did. Bucky took out his wallet and placed a few bills on the table, paying for the uneaten food, and then quickly led you out of the establishment. He kept his hand on you, almost like an anchor. Whether it was to reassure you or himself, he didn’t know and you didn’t mind either. It was probably the only thing that kept you from retreating inside of your mind and giving in to the panic that so desperately wanted out.

You didn’t even realize that you had reached his apartment until he had led you up the stairs and you were standing behind him as he unlocked the door. He allowed you to step in first and then quickly followed behind you, shutting the door as he did so. You didn’t really get the chance to take in his apartment because he had ushered you to sit on his couch while he knelt in front of you.

“Alright, you’re scarin’ me here, doll. What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?” The sheer look of concern and slight panic in his face and those pretty eyes of his made the waterworks come back again. You shook your head, your face scrunched up in anguish. Hot bullet tears fell from your eyes and left a wet path in their wake down your cheeks. Bucky wasn’t one to pry; he hated it when people tried to pry into his life and he didn’t do it to you, but he couldn’t stand the sight of seeing you cry. He couldn’t stand the sight of your once bright eyes and cheery smile just.. gone. You eyes were sad and your lips were pulled into a frown. “Talk to me, baby.” He practically pleaded.

“I just.. I don’t.. I don’t know how to explain it, Buck.” You cried. “I-I.. I just feel like..” You let out a frustrated cry when you couldn’t find the right words but Bucky was patient. He reached a hand up, cupping your cheek and wiping away the tears that kept falling. “I don’t feel.. happy. Everyday I wake up and I just, I feel fine for like a few seconds and then everything just comes crashing down on me. I can’t ever stop thinking. I can’t sleep at night. I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like this, Bucky. And I feel fucking crazy. Sometimes I feel like you don’t even really like me. I feel.. hopeless, like nothing is ever going to be okay. I might feel okay for a few seconds but then it just goes away.” You explained, though you were sure that you probably sounded like a raving and ranting lunatic. “Before I met you, I liked being alone but I also hated it because when I was alone, I would just overthink and overthink and overthink about every fucking thing. If it wasn’t one thing it was another just giving me such bad anxiety and.. I don’t know what to do anymore, Bucky. I’m just tired of feeling like this. Feeling like nothing is ever going to be okay, like I’m never going to be okay. I just feel.. alone.”

His heart was well and truly broken. In the two months that he’d known you, he hadn’t known how badly you had struggled with your mental health. He hadn’t known the war that you fought within your mind, and how bad it had become. You were such saving grace for Bucky; you saved him from the wars inside of his mind. The constant feeling of guilt that he fought with on a daily basis, and now.. he just wanted to do the same for you. He wanted to shoulder some of the pain that you carried, the pain that seemed to be weighing you down. Both of his hands now cupped your cheeks so delicately, as if you were the most precious thing in the world to him. His blue eyes were shining, looking at you with not pity, but something like.. understanding. If anyone knew what you were feeling, it was Bucky.

“You’re not alone.” His smooth and rich voice was so soft, so gentle that it brought on a new set of tears. “You’re not alone, sweetheart. Not anymore. You know why? Cause you got me.” He said. “I know what it’s like to feel hopeless. To feel stuck in your head. To feel like nothing is ever gonna get better. I felt like that in Wakanda. Sometimes.. sometimes, we need help. And I know I’m not one to be talking considering that I don’t really like talking to my therapist or even going,” That roused the smallest of smiles from you. “I’m here. You know that, right? I’m here. You got me and I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I don’t care if you have a million bad days. I don’t care if you feel like you’re bothering me. I’ll be there every time.” You two have gradually gravitated close to one another until your foreheads were pressed together. Bucky was still knelt in front of you on the couch, his hands still holding your cheeks. Your eyes were closed and you could feel his warm breath fanning your face. The tears had stopped falling but you were still sniffling softly. “You’ve helped me. Even if you don’t know it. You’ve helped me.” He was whispering. There was no one but you two in his apartment but he was still whispering the words meant for only you to hear. “Now, let me help you. Please.”

“Okay. I trust you, Bucky.”

[project-paranoia]

Let’s Watch: Yin Yang Master: Dream of Eternity

I have watched this movie 85 Whole Entire Times and I do not regret.  The only thing wrong with this movie is that it wasn't a fifty episode series.  I cried, I laughed, I fell in love.  The cinematography is on point, the acting is amazing, the crew member who put snow on people's eyebrows did an amazing job, and the acting!  The subtlety, the gentleness, the love and affection, the discussion of race is one of the best I've ever seen.

As people have pointed out before in series like X-Men that fear of mutant's is practically if not thematically justified due to the laser eyes in a way that fear of ethnic minorities just isn't in real life.  In Dream of Eternity however humans are equally if not sometimes more super powered than the yao they hunt.  Demons - very much not in the Christian sense - are a mixture of spirits, resentful souls, and animals and plants who cultivated to human form.  They often appear human at first glance and in some cases the extent of their power seems to be the limited to turning into a smaller more vulnerable animal.  Qingming's deliberate care and gentleness not only reflects his upbringing as a Yin Yang Master, but parallels the experience of racial minorities labelled as aggressive.

The movie takes particular care as well in the way it looks at trauma, grief, and love.  The three of which haunt the main characters and send out ripple effects into the world around them.  In the world of Dream of Eternity no loss is purely private, it spools out into the world around the person effected until they make an effect to acknowledge and deal with their experiences.  Qingming's warmth and gentleness isn't just marked by his behaviour but by the orange light he's lit by and his variety of shishen - but he is also separate, standing alone in frame and facing away from the people around him.  Boya's loss has made him unforgiving and as cold as the blue light he's lit in, and yet he is open and instinctive, talking and acting as soon as the thought enters his head.  The Empress is lost and drifting, trapped and grief stricken, vulnerable to those who profess to love her.  The film is simple, it says and shows what it means when it means it - but it is also as complex as the very human characters it depicts.  

The movie is made even more complex by its pull from theaters.  Claims of plagiarism drench the edges of the movie, which as true as the assertion that Fan BingBing went on a spa vacation in 2018.  Although this blog is about Chinese censorship dealing specifically with BL content, Chinese censorship also effects those who criticize governmental policy.  I hope that supporters of this blog will also support Chinese media threatened by censorship for many reasons so that artists and others involved in film making can continue to make meaningful content.

Doing a watchthrough of a movie is not feasible, but please enjoy a few thousand words - with spoilers on Yin Yang Master included:

* That gentle chiming and rain soundscaping is so soothing, what a great way to calm and lull the audience before the movie even starts * Qingming is so small and isolated in the frame - cinema! * The lighting and cinematography is just so good * Shifu, soft gentle teacher * So much love stored in the Shifu * Instant grow * This boy is Sassy * This theme of deflection in Qingming's character is established early * Deflection with a teleportation portal and then immediately deflection verbally * Shifu is certainly an attractive man aged up, but his face is also soft and gentle, something to note when his double pops up later * Also the awkward question of don't you have someone you want to protect, maybe part of the problem is that shifu is just really bad at wording things * The answer that yes he does has several meanings, one of which is immediately apparent when Shifu acts out one of those Father Saves Child By Yeeting them youtube videos * ACtion MuSIC * I love them your honour * The spirit guardian's design is so specific and elegant, absolutely superb you funky little shishen * I wonder if Qingming ever thinks about that if he didn't come back with all his fellow disciples that Shifu would have been fine * Maybe it's not that he doesn't have someone he wants to protect and more that he believes that he's not capable of protecting those he wants to * subtle indication Shifu's qi is corrupted * Precious Magic Childe ;-; * The framing, I'm living for it * The Serpent graphic is lovely * Also the way they set things up * Qingming cares so much about his shifu * Mark Chao just has the ability to crumple his face like paper * Sad Time exposition involving the corrupting influence of desires * "When you're gone I'll be all alone" in just about all you need to know about Qingming at this point in the story * Also like, sympathy for Shifu in raising this lonely child.  By all accounts he was an absolutely superb father figure, and Qingming I'm sure was not an easy child to raise.  He's the sort of kid that would take a lot of calm and patience. * Slumber party! * It's kind of interesting that this is an activity Fangyue and He Shouyue are doing together.  He's definitely obsessed and in love with her and she's just doing friends and family activities with him * Also yellow/gold lighting is kind of their thing * It's interesting how they do the make up for He Shouyue.  The actor is very attractive, but they make him up to look doll like, a little too pretty, a little too shiny.  Like a porcelain doll. * Cool lit Boya and warm lit Qingming appear! * Camels! * The framing is so good, they're careful to be sure he's shown as obviously isolated as much as possible * And it should go without saying that I adore the City * The matte painting is outstanding * But there's also the lighting, the vignettes, the clusters, the foliage * It is a supremely beautiful set * The irony that Killing Stone is playing along with Boya's music and then it's Boya who kicks him around * A small note, but one I appreciate - even when Boya has warm highlight's they're red instead of orange * "It's Jason Bourne!" * I hope Qingming paid for that water taxi * It's interesting how Killing Stone goes from the safety of Qingming's orange light to the danger of Qingming's blue * Colour related foreshadowing! * Look at this poor sweet man, how could anyone suspect him of anything.  He's just a sad man who loves his dead wife * Qingming's use of a fan is interesting - battle fans show up all over wuxia and xianxia, but it feels like it also ties into the way he's so very careful in how he presents himself.  There's that quote that a sword can only be a sword but other weapons are also able to serve other purposes - not a perfect quote but the point is got across. * The way Qingming just knocks Boya back, like get An Clue, my dude * The way that Killing Stone curls around the pipa ;-; * So the movie is based on the book series 'Onmyoji' by Yumemakura Baku.  The books start with Seimei (Qingming) and Hiromasa (Boya) already in a relationship talking about various cases Seimei has recently experienced.  Plotwise, obviously the stories are different, however thematically Seimei and Hiromasa discuss why some yao stick around and solutions to the difficulties and dangers they might cause - which is generally from Seimei's very successful perspective to listen and treat them like humans.  So in that way the plots of the books and the movie are quite different, but the themes are just about identical. * Boya says Don't Talk Me I Angy and also that demons don't have feelings and Qingming's face takes out a billboard that's just like Ah, Another Fantasy Racist, Excellent * Qingming also does what should be done in this situation, taking care of the victim not the racist * Fight scene!  Fight scene! * Qingming's first few moves aren't to attack, they're to distract and just hold his fan up to block Boya's way and his view - it's only when Boya persists in attacking that Qingming fights back * Qingming's sassy smile, he is very much deliberately irritating Boya as much as he's refocusing his attention and distracting him * "nICE sWORD" * I've sighed that sigh before * This boy is taking great pleasure from teasing Boya, but also he makes a really good point * I understand and relate to what Qingming did, but also I can understand why Boya was ready to throw rocks at Qingming when he saw him again * Killing Stone lit in Qingming's orange light again * Killing Stone, my beloved * A good gauge to the state of the world for yao is no one has told this sweet boy before that demons have feelings too * There are several lines like this in the movie that just drop kick you with Implications * The same way Qingming clung to Zhongxing, Killing Stone wants to join up with Qingming to have some compassion in his life * The way he asks to be a spirit guardian is so formal too, and Qingming is so gentle with him, I cry ;-; * The warm orange light of Qingming's love ;-; * He heals the wounds * It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realise it's the actual imperial degree speaking and not one the of Jingyun Temple Masters * The mutual this guy again is delicious * "Is it because of your pretty face" * Boya draws his sword so fast and Qingming is so amused by it * Longye!  Queen!  I love her! * The two of them seem to understand each other instantly * Those sassy little smiles * He Shouyue looks even more like a doll than before * Longye has her head on a swivel from second one, she plays the Maiden so well like she's not a skilled master * And her customer service smile * Qingming is shooketh

* What happens next?  You'll have to watch and find out!

[hansolmates]

(secret) lovers | m

summary; the (not) best friends 2 lovers spin-off where jungkook and you are trying to hide your relationship from his old best friend  pairing; jungkook x reader (f) genre/warnings; established relationship, jiyu is now an old friend and mc went to high school w them, weeb!koo, jk n mc be kinda stanky bc they’re only going to this party for the free booze, soft dom!mc, switch!koo, whiny koo, mc calls jk a slut, cockwarming, gets really soft n’loving at the end, heavy use of the pet name [redacted] i really think this couple is meant to be diabolically dumb together w/c; 2.7k a/n; this couple is really out here living rent free in my mind. jk, mc and jiyu really just are that thruple that i love to hate and hate to love. hope u enjoy this lil spin off! 

[series masterlist]

“You made it!” 

Jiyu flings her hands out, knocking both your heads with hers in the middle in a surprisingly strong hug. It’s a complete episode of déjà vu, from the way her body smells like the peach lotion she used after gym class to the shade of coral lipgloss. From the corner of your eye, you can see the caramel brunette’s tiny face is inching closer towards your ride, her head tucking in the crook of his neck. 

“Jiyu,” you beam. You’re the first to speak, the first to dip their toe in the water. “You look great!” 

“Thank you!” she pulls away, popping her hip against the doorway. The silky material of her coverup gleams in the sunlight, the silvery material showing off the silhouette of her bikini-clad body. Despite the fact that you’re the one who compliments Jiyu, her gaze floats over to the person next to you, “what a coincidence you two came at the same time and—oh my, and where are my manners! Come in, come in!” 

She moves away from the door, revealing an ornate lobby and two twin stairwells. You can’t help but light up at the beautiful crystal chandelier, flecks of pink and blue flickering in your eyes.  Further down the hallway you spot open glass doors that lead to a large backyard that overlooks the lake. Some people are already sitting by the dock, lounging about with drinks and happy smiles on their faces. 

“Actually,” Oh, he speaks. You think with a small smile on your face, side eyeing the man of the minute, “I forgot the rest of my luggage. We’ll meet you inside.” 

“Okay!” Jiyu smiles, “I’ll make you guys some drinks.” 

As soon as the door shuts, Jeon Jungkook, your boyfriend for three years blurts out, “She still has a crush on me.” 

You snort, taking off the duffle bag that’s hiding behind your back. Continuing to stand awkwardly at the front door, you prepare yourself to console your boyfriend’s worries. “She still has heart-eyes for you, Koo,” you tease, pinching his side. 

His eyes are big and swimming with guilt, “We should tell her.” 

“Oh, baby. We can’t break her heart this weekend.” 

“But love, it’s her birthday.” 

“Exactly,” you chirp, bumping your head against his arm, “can’t break her heart on her birthday.” 

Jiyu is an old high school friend. Class president, straight As, and even vied for prom queen. The only thing she wasn’t able to obtain throughout her high school years was Jeon Jungkook, the object of her affections. They were best friends in elementary school, eventually turning into distant friends as their interests changed and they got older. Yet, Jiyu still tried to insert herself into Jungkook’s life. Back in high school it was surely cute, the way she’d pine from the back of the room and place anonymous love letters in his locker, but Jungkook wasn’t interested and avoided any of her advances. Fast forward ten years later and it seems like old flames never die out. 

The meetups with Jiyu have been scarce since college and only in large groups. As former class president, she decided to hold a little reunion for her old friends, taking advantage of her stellar job benefits. A weekend in the woods, perfectly balmy and far away from the city. 

“I don’t wanna lie,” Jungkook nearly whines, pink lips warbling at your inability to budge. 

“Mm,” you hum, tracing the fingers across the seam of his back pocket. His boardshorts hide nothing, and you curl your fingers around the swell of his plump bum, “be good for me and tell a little white lie, will you?” 

Jeon Jungkook, former President of the Anime Club, prom king candidate and your favorite nerd in the entire world. 

A teeny tiny lie won’t hurt anyone. After all, you haven’t seen your high school buddies in literal years, and they wouldn’t dare bother to make a fuss about your relationship. In fact, they don’t know of your relationship with Jungkook. The two of you reconnected randomly, some spontaneous holiday party Kim Seokjin is always inclined to throw. You barely made eye contact the first two hours into it, not really wanting to go back to the hellhole that was your late teenage years. Nevertheless, by the end of the night the two of you couldn’t help yourself. 

As you look around the room with utmost confidence, the two of you have made the finest glow up by far. At first you wanted to keep the white lie to save face, you don’t owe anyone an explanation as to how you and the President of the Anime Club hooked up. However, you’re starting to enjoy the ruse. 

Jungkook’s sitting on the other side of the backyard, looking absolutely delicious as he sips on whatever fruity cocktail he created. Judging from yours, you have a feeling his drink probably consists of 95% orange juice and 5% alcohol. 

Jiyu and him are sitting in the large netted hammock, swinging lightly. Gravity is doing its thing, and Jiyu is practically laying on top of Jungkook’s lap, her body pooling to where his meets in the middle. As soon as his thigh touches hers, his eyes flicker to you in panic. He’s shirtless, only with a pair of mid-cut shorts to protect him. The skin that touches him probably burns. 

You wink and wave him away, assuring him it’s fine. Pretending to flip your hair, you turn back to the conversation you’ve been ignoring for the past five minutes. “Man, Jungkook’s so sexy,” Im Nayeon cooes, looking longingly at Jungkook’s form. 

“Jiyu’s so lucky,” Rina eggs on, taking another shot from the tray (a tray for herself, you might add.) 

“Do you think Jiyu’s gonna get some birthday sex tonight?” 

Nayeon snorts, covering her flared nostrils with her hand. That hand eventually loops around your thigh, eagerly pushing you two together by pressing on the meat of your bare skin. “If she’s lucky! Besides, we all know Jungkook had that big crush on you junior year!” 

Her pretty bunny teeth tease you, and you can’t help but smile back in return. “What do you mean, he really liked me?” you ask innocently. 

“Oh yeah! Drew so many little pictures of you in the margins. Little anime versions of you in his favorite outfits.” Of course, you know about Jungkook’s old crush on you. He’s mentioned it in passing, paired with an adorable blush on his cheeks. Hearing it from Nayeon, the shameless grin on her lips and the ease of champagne on her breath is much more entertaining. “Rina, do you remember when Jungkook set up her desk with rose petals and chocolate in a little heart? And then in the morning the janitor sweeped it up? He was so sad!” 

“Yes! I really felt for him,” Rina pouted. 

“Oh, poor baby,” you didn’t know that bit of information. You put a hand over your heart, watching as Jungkook shares a drink with his old friend Kim Mingyu. He looks so different, yet all the same since you’ve been acquaintances in high school. He carries his own weight now, an air of confidence that he’s finally reached over time.  

“Definitely not a baby anymore,” Rina scoffs. She clicks her tongue back to where Jungkook is seated. 

The sun is doing wonders for him, highlighting every crevice of where his biceps curl and twist as he lifts his hand in another drink. Their side of the lawn is doing a toast. For what, you don’t know. You do know however, that Jiyu is trying very hard to cheer right over Jungkook’s thighs, spilling some liquid over his knees. You smirk when Jiyu sends him an apologetic grin, dabbing a napkin up and across his thighs, far away from the wet spot. 

Jungkook, the poor guy, discreetly shoves her off. He brushes his hands and gets up, letting Jiyu fall back in the hammock all by herself. Avoiding the teasing gazes of his friends, he looks into the lake, hiding his blush. 

Still a baby, you think. Your baby. 

“Jiyu was practically sitting in your lap, baby boy,” you card your hand through his dark locks, fresh and shiny from the shower. The feeling is soothing to Jungkook’s scalp until you tug, arching his neck towards your lips and twisting, “did you like that,” you mumble into his Adam’s apple, “my little slut?” 

“N-no! Never, ohgodnever—” Jungkook is sweating, fat beads rolling down his hairline and glistening across his face. His fingers are practically phasing through your skin, the crescents of his fingernails sinking into the swell of your bottom. 

You clench around his dick, your soft folds urging Jungkook closer to his release. But he knows better not to move, and instead shudders from the ministrations, breaking apart from you to dip his head into your chest. His nose pokes at the bouncy flesh, nuzzling into your breast like the softest pillow. 

“Sh-shit, love,” he cries into your skin, “you feel so warm n’soft.” 

“You need to be quiet, baby,” you murmur, playing with the curls that hang around the nape of his neck, “unless—you want someone to hear? My little slut wants everyone to hear that I’m fucking you?” 

“Mm, no,” you grin at his honest reaction, and you can feel his neck heating up at the thought. Your fingers make their way, finally ending towards the apples of his cheeks. You squish lightly, loving the way his tanned skin puffs under your fingers. “I’m—ah—not a slut. I just really love you, only you. Really wanted to hold you in my lap today and show you off,” he whimpers at the unconscious clench of your folds, “just uh—slut for you, love.” 

You giggle, tightening your thighs around your boyfriend’s tiny waist. Your other hands trail down to the ridges of his abdomen, where you two are connected. You absolutely love the way your thighs wrap around his lean waist. 

Jiyu split the floors by girls and boys, as if you’re still in high school. It took forever for everyone to fall asleep, but you managed to sneak away with your bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor. Call yourself needy, but you couldn’t imagine yourself falling asleep with at least one good night kiss. Jungkook was ten steps ahead of you. Your boyfriend was already naked when you arrived, pumping his cock across the bed and getting himself ready for you. His eyes instantly zeroed in on you in his shirt, the black material hanging off your shoulder and begging to be pulled away by his teeth. 

“If I crawled in your lap today,” you murmur into his shoulder, “our whole secret would’ve been thrown out the window.” 

“I wouldn’t have minded, even if Jiyu got hurt,” Jungkook admits, running his hands up and down your back, “I wanna marry you, y’know.” 

You freeze in your ministrations, suddenly feeling the room go cold. Not in an unpleasant way, but the room freezes, the blue-white light of the moon igniting the seriousness in Jungkook’s gaze. You force yourself to stay on his lap, let his cock settle between your folds. The juices of your coupling are dripping down each other’s legs, cooling at your thighs and onto the white blankets. 

“You wanna marry me?” you echo, running your thumbs across his shiny lips. 

Of course, you’re at that age. Everyone around you is getting married, heck many people your age are already in the middle of creating a family, going on vacations to Disney and picnics in the playground. And yes, you also have thought about marrying Jungkook, he’s the only man you can picture marrying. Yet, hearing it out loud and from him only further fuels your desire to make these thoughts a reality. 

He kisses your thumbs, lips smushing against the pads. “Of course I do, love. You’re it for me.” 

You relinquish, slowly pulling yourself off of him. He’s still hard as you untack yourself, his member slapping against his belly button as he watches you in confusion. You make a show of fluffing up the pillows, arching your back and wiggling your ass as you make yourself comfortable to lay on your back. 

“Show me, baby,” you spread your legs for him, gesturing for him to come closer with a curl of your finger, “show me how much you want to marry me.” 

Jungkook smirks, hands immediately pumping with a squelching sound resulting from yours and his combined arousal. You love it when Jungkook takes the lead, just as much as you do. It makes you feel like a pillow princess, especially when you feel lovey sex is on the way. “Will you be quiet? Just like you tried to make me quiet?” he rasps, wrapping a hand around your waist to arch you up. 

“Depends on how good you are.” 

The head of his dick rubs against your clit, slapping lightly at the shiny skin. You both moan when he finally gives you what you both need. As soon as the tip of his dick sinks down, you feel like you’ve both hit home. It doesn’t take long for him to find his pace, naturally throwing your leg over his shoulder for added leverage. 

“Oh—fuck, baby,” you tug at his hair, pulling him in for a wet kiss. You don’t care that you’re slobbering all over him, the bed creaking and squeaking against his minstraitions. “I—uh, you feel so deep—yes!” 

“When we’re married I’ll fuck you every day like this, love,” he whispers between your lips, thrusting in a particularly sensitive spot that has you arching your back and pulling your chest to his, “I—ugh, I love you so much.” 

“Love you. Love youlovelove—ah! Kook, I’m—” 

The two of you don’t spare any time, the sun will eventually rise and you’ll be back to playing strangers. Jungkook pounds you into the mattress, nails you with enough cum for you to last the next day without having to sneak into each other’s room like horny teenagers. The roughness is smoothed out by love and bliss, eager at the thought of going home and anticipating a permanent life together. 

Five minutes later, you’re starting to feel a little too sticky. “Ohmygod—I need to fucking pee,” you pull yourself away from Jungkook’s sweaty body, palming around for your t-shirt.

“Just pee on the bed,” Jungkook grins. 

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you,” you make a face, “nasty.” 

“You like that I’m nasty.” 

“Yeah yeah.” 

With one last kiss, you skip away from his bedroom and close the door behind you. Unfortunately, as soon as you take five steps in the direction of the bathroom, somebody emerges from the shadows. 

“Holy shit, Jiyu,” you put a hand on your heart, eyes widening at her peeking in from the hallway. “You scared me.” 

“I’m so sorry,” she frowns, squinting her eyes to make you out in the dark. It’s easier to see her in her white slip, a thin chiffon material that barely covers her thighs. 

You don’t question why she’s out in the hallway in really pretty lingerie, or why she’s on the boy’s side of the house. So much for being discreet. Then again, there must be an ulterior motive for her if she’s already here, five feet away from Jungkook’s room. You wouldn’t have been caught if she hadn’t been so sneaky. (Well, not so sneaky. You got to him first.) You smell like sweat, arousal, and Jungkook. The shirt you’re wearing feels far too short and the cum in your panties feels tacky and gooey. You feel like a teenager being caught smoking. 

“Why?” Jiyu’s voice suddenly sounds as dark as the early morning, no sign of the sun. 

“Why what?” you answer, furrowing your brows at the sudden change in demeanor. 

“Why?” she hisses, eyes wide with pain and confusion, “why Jungkook?” 

You frown, not liking her attitude. Did she think it was a contest to who would fuck Jungkook first? Did she think she was being slick, sneaking away into a bedroom she has no business being in, even if he was single? You could laugh. So despite your height you steel yourself, looking at Jiyu straight in the eye. 

“Because Jungkook’s mine, and I’m marrying him.” 

As you pad down the hallway as fast as you can, you send Jungkook a quick text. 

[5:44AM] love: pack it up. Plan b go fake a fever we gotta go lol

[skyguy-snips]

Chapter 2: Inhibitor Chips

Book 7: Battle Scars

Words: 1263

Masterlist | Taglist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

note: rex! rex! rex! rex! he was skylar's OG big brother and they're the sweetest together omg (dave can we get rex in more episodes so i can write them together again?????)

Blue and white plastoid armor. She would recognize those tally marks anywhere.

He removed his hood, looking at them with an unreadable expression. Skylar felt Echo tense beside her, his arm lowering his blaster immediately.

“... Rex?”

----------

“Oh, great. Another clone. Just what I needed,” Cid said. “Well don’t get comfy. I’m done taking in strays. This ain’t a clone clubhouse, ya know.”

She turned and walked back to her office muttering the entire way. Skylar just tuned her out, staring at the man in front of them. Hunter stepped forward, holstering his blaster as the rest of them did the same.

“Captain,” Hunter said with a nod.

“It’s been a while, boys,” Rex replied. They all stood silent for a few seconds, their minds reeling. The stillness was broken, however, when Skylar let out a sob.

All of their heads whipped around, finding Skylar with a hand over her mouth as she stared at Rex. He turned his eyes to her, posture immediately softening as he opened his arms. She took off, launching into a hug with her arms wrapped around his neck.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she cried quietly. Rex hugged her tightly around her waist, burying his face in her neck.

“I’m glad you’re okay, too,” he whispered, pulling back to press a kiss to the side of her head. She stepped back a bit, wiping her face as she sniffled.

She had been with the 501st since the start, always on the bridge with General Skywalker, Commander Tano, and Captain Rex. It was her job to reign in Skywalker’s wild schemes, providing strategic planning and quick modifications during battle. When she wasn’t on the bridge, she was either planning strategies in Rex’s office or training with the boys of Torrent company. She had grown close to all of them, and they watched over her like a little sister, even if she was a higher ranking than all but Rex.

““Where have you been, Rex?” Echo asked, stepping around Skylar to pull his former Captain into a crushing hug. They pulled back after a moment, both of their eyes shiny as they fell into a keldabe, sans-helmets.

“That’s a long story.”

----------

They all sat at the bar as Rex finished explaining everything.

“And when the war ended, I guess you could say I’ve been… keeping a low profile,” Rex said.

“Very low. Imperial files have you listed as killed in action,” Tech said from the end of the bar. Skylar frowned at that, remembering stumbling across the file when she was trying to figure out what happened.

“Being dead in the Empire’s eyes has its advantages,” Rex replied. Skylar nudged his shoulder lightly with her own, Rex clinking his cup with Echo’s on his other side.

“Well, how’d you track us down?” Echo asked. Rex smiled.

“Trace and Rafa Martez. They said a squad of rogue clones helped them on Corellia,” he said, turning around on his barstool to lean forward on his knees. “They told me I could find you here. And that you were traveling with a kid. Who is she?”

“Omega. She’s a clone like us,” Hunter said from Skylar’s other side. Rex shot them a surprised look, but before he could ask any questions, there was a shout from the door.

“Well look who it is,” Wrecker laughed, running over to the group with Omega in tow. “Come here, Rex!”

Wrecker wrapped his arms around him, squeezing tightly as he lifted Rex off of his stool. Echo and Skylar laughed at the overwhelmed face Rex shot them.

“Yeah, good to see you too, Wrecker,” he said, voice strained.

“I thought you didn’t like the regs,” Omega said from behind Wrecker. He spun around with Rex still in his arms, and then placed him on the floor.

“This one we like,” he said, stumbling back when Rex gave him a shove. Echo and Skylar shook their heads fondly and cast each other amused looks.

“Omega, this is Rex,” Skylar said, gesturing between the two. Rex knelt down to her level.

“I’ve met many clones in my time, but never one like you,” he said. Omega just started at him for a moment before walking closer, stopping only inches from his face. He shifted a bit, eyes flitting around as she silently studied him.

“You’re a generation one,” she finally said, a smile forming. Rex just smiled back.

“Now how’d you know that?” he asked, impressed by this kid’s knowledge. She just continued to grin.

“From the lines on your face.”

Skylar almost spit out her drink, trying not to laugh at the look on Rex’s face after this girl just called him old. Over the years, Rex had become fairly good with kids, so he just took it in stride.

“Yeah, I guess I’ve been around,” he chuckled, glancing at the group over his shoulder.

“You got that right,” Skylar laughed, earning a playful glare from him. The moment was cut short when Wrecker groaned, grabbing the side of his head.

“Sky, I need one of those med patches,” he said, eyes squeezed shut in pain. Skylar rolled her eyes, missing the way Rex studied Wrecker as he slowly stood up.

“You used the last one,” she told him, digging through her bag.

“What’s wrong?” Rex asked, leveling him with an intense look.

“Nothin’, it’s just a headache,” Wrecker said, waving a hand.

“Which are becoming more frequent,” Skylar added. Rex glanced at her before his gaze went right back to Wrecker.

“Is that so?”

“If you're concerned about the so-called inhibitor chips, don’t be,” Tech reassured from the opposite end of the bar. “Our deviant nature appears to have impeded their functionality. Except in Crosshair.”

Skylar could see Rex grow even more tense.

“You’re telling me you haven’t removed your chips?” Rex asked lowly.

“No, not yet,” Tech replied.

Rex roughly grabbed Skylar’s arm, pulling her behind him and next to Omega as his right hand pulled his cloak back and hovered over his blaster. Skylar’s eyes widened, looking from the back of Rex’s head to the four sets of frightened eyes in front of them.

“Rex…?” Hunter asked, holding his hands up and stepping backwards towards his brothers.

“Those chips make you a threat to everyone around you. Even them,” Rex said, hand gesturing slightly towards the two girls behind him. His hand then settled on his blaster, and Skylar pulled Omega back a few steps with a hand on her shoulder. “You’re all ticking time bombs.”

“Take it easy, Captain,” Hunter said, taking a few steps forward with his hands out.

“What’s in your head is more dangerous than you can imagine. I’ve seen what happens when the chip activates, and I don’t want to bury any more of our brothers,” Rex said. Skylar deflated, remembering what Rex told them about his own experience during Order 66. The 501st, Jesse, Ahsoka. All of them six feet under on some moon. None of them deserved that.

“Trust me. It is not something you can control. I couldn’t,” he continued, eyes dropping as he remembered being locked inside of his own mind, having to watch as he shot at Ahsoka, hunting her down. “It’s a risk you do not want to take.”

Skylar stepped forward a bit, placing a gentle hand on Rex’s armored shoulder. She felt him relax a bit, and the hand that was on his blaster came up to rest on top of hers.

She saw Hunter glance at her and Omega, frowning at the thought of having to hurt them against his will. He looked at Rex, then, determined.

“How do you suggest we get them out?” he asked. Skylar moved to stand beside Rex, turning and looking at him.

“Good question. I’ll be in touch,” he replied.

----------

Taglist (request to be added here)

@commxnderwolffe @graciaramirez @killtherandomness @nerjetiise @photowizard17 @selbyknox @unapprovedtrash@xsweetchanx @hannahbowker @little-dove14 @quietly-scrolling-through @wondergal2001 @zombiedixon89 @hanns1d @lokigirlszendaya @louise-12

[cheyentjj]

Sy’s story part two

Summary: a glimpse at how our captain is dealing with his ptsd while waiting for help.

Warnings: ANGST! Ptsd, talks of blood, death and injuries, suicide attempt...I don’t know what else.

A/n: well this is part two of sy’s story. There will be a part three (I promise!). This is really dark and our favourite captain is going through a lot of misery, but that’s what it’s like for army men more often than not.

Let me know what you think!

This is not my gif.

The glass shattered into hundreds of shiny sharp pieces. The sound so loud, the woman on the couch jumped up in fright, yet all that he could hear was the white noise ringing in his ears, certain words from the news playing on the tv.

Afghanistan. Bombing. Casualties.

He stood absolutely still but he could feel the vibrations of fear running through his veins. The cold sweat breaking out on his skin. his hands clammy, pulled into tight fists to not let them shake. A headache creeping up like it was a demon always waiting in the shadows for the right time to come and torture him. Waiting for him to be weak and defenseless. Silent tears running down his sunk-in cheeks, making their way into his out-of-control beard. His mother standing before him, softly trying to coax him out of the waking nightmare he found himself in by laying her hand on his bicep, was invisible to his eyes. He closed his eyes trying to make the flames around him go away, his teammates scattered around in pieces. A leg and torso left, an arm and head right. Himself, bloody and on the edge of dying in front of him.

‘’Get the fuck up, you idiot’’ yelling at himself. ‘’Get up get up get up…’’ he cried.

His mother pushed him towards his room, making him lie down. Stroking the tears away in a futile effort to make him stop crying. The pain in her heart almost unbearable as she watched her son get lost in the darkest parts of his mind. Guilt eating him alive, while all they could do was wait until he could see the therapist that would help him get through this. Wait wait wait. Is all they’ve heard over the past couple of months. As soon as she found her boy falling asleep, exhausted by the emotional torment he just went through, she covered him with his blanket and went back to the living room, trying to calm herself down enough. She had to be strong too, for Sy could not be the strong one for now.

When he woke up with a jolt, a mere hour later, he clutched at his chest. The feeling of his heart being crushed, like a truck parked right on top of him. He desperately tried to breathe for his lungs seemed to fail him, like he failed his men. Every ounce of air he could get in not nearly enough to make the pain go away. His body was covered in sweat as he ripped the shirt off. The fabric seeming too tight on his flesh. His almost nonexistent muscles cramping painfully as he tried to gain back control over his own body. Scratching at his chest like it would somehow open up his chest, allowing air to just breeze in. when that didn’t seem to help he tried to just accept that this would be it. He was out of time. The thump-thump-thump thump thump thump of his heart reminding him of what he had. What others lost. His eyes darting to his wrist. The three bracelets seeming to ground him back to the present day. The present where they were dead. K.I.A.

Johnson

K.I.A. Bahrain

Williams

K.I.A. Iraq

Aika

K.I.A. Bahrain

Sobs racking his body for he had lost his best friends to something he used to believe in. something he used to stand for. Could he still stand for it? Something so inexplicably dark it took lives in such a short time. One second you’re joking around with each other and the very next you’re running for cover. Getting shot at, bombarded with small explosions. Shooting back left and right in the dark, not capable to see where the enemy is coming from. And then silence. It’s over. And when daylight comes back up, you see the damage.

Bloody fur somewhere to the right, a pained cry leaving from somewhere within. But no time to mourn. An order to give the dog a proper burial somewhere on the grounds, men hurrying to make do with their command. On the left, a body. So small and fragile, a kid, no older than eight. Perforated with what seemed to be a million bloody holes. He must’ve heard the sounds of the fight and gotten curious, making his way to the grounds. Big mistake. When Sy went to the boy to close his eyes, make him look more at peace when he noticed...He was the monster that ended this child’s life. US army bullets surrounding the small body stuck into the flesh and bones. He did this. He and his men just murdered an innocent. Sobs racked his body as the image of the brown-haired boy and his furry friend passed before his eyes.

The violent shaking of his body as the pained cries left his throat, breaking his mother on the other side of the wall. She was helpless, couldn’t do a single thing to make the pain go away. All she could do was wait wait wait and keep calling to see if a spot had opened up. She knew she should never have him following in his father’s footsteps. When Sy had come home and told her he and three of his buddies were enlisting they had a huge fight. She couldn’t stand the thought of losing her son the same way she lost her husband, but there was no stopping him once he made up his mind. She was proud of the man he was, that would never change, but there was part of her that wished he had never gone. He may not have died but he lost two of his best friends, he lost his dog, he saw things, did things she knew he would never speak of. In a way, a painful way, she was losing him anyway. Every day a little more. He tried to keep his head up in between episodes, she could tell. He would plaster a smile on his lips, call him momma, and talk to her about his childhood, about Lena, the girl who broke his heart, and in those moments everything would almost seem normal. But then he would hear something, feel something, think something...she didn’t even understand what would trigger him sometimes, and then he was gone. Lost to a nightmare he couldn’t wake up from. More often than not, like tonight, the woman would cry herself to sleep listening to her tortured son through the walls.

It was one certain night that Syverson just knew sleep wasn’t gonna come to him peacefully so he just wandered around the house. Grabbing a glass of water sitting at the kitchen island, writing down his mangled thought, trying to make sense of them that the landline rung. Few people used that phone, so for it to ring in the middle of the night was not a good sign. The man being raised right picked up the phone confused, but what he heard on the other side made his blood run cold.

‘’Naw...naw no no’’

Kyle smith...captain...special forces...mission...sorry...killed...action…

He dropped the phone but didn’t hear the drop...he couldn’t hear a single thing as his knees buckled. He dropped to the floor, hands painfully pulling his hair, silent cries and soundless screams tiring his body out. Until all he could do was stare at the floor in front of him. His last childhood friend, the one he convinced to join them, dead. It was his fault. It all was his fault. Kyle didn’t even wanna go. Syverson convinced him he would be doing the right thing to join, so he did. And now he was dead. Why was it that he was the only one left standing? He couldn’t stand it. Not anymore, he was done. He walked to the bathroom, not even knowing what he was doing. He absentmindedly grabbed the first orange bottle he could get his hands on and downed the contents without a second thought. He remembered thinking that the pain would soon be gone, that he'd be reunited with the men that stood by his side through everything. He remembered praying for his mother to forgive him. And that only minutes later he went down. After that, he remembers nothing but a shrill scream followed by his name.

When his mother walked out of her room looking for her boy she knew something was wrong. She had heard his crying. Somehow it had sounded more painful than any cry she had heard before. Like he had lost everything. Like his heart had finally given up on holding him together. But nothing could have prepared her for the sights before her. Her son, her baby boy, on the bathroom floor shaking as he seized, laying in his own vomit. She cried as she called an ambulance, praying to God he would help her son hold on just a little longer. She stroked the side of his head, holding him until the paramedics carried him away and did everything in their power to save the man that sacrificed his life for years so they wouldn’t have to. The man who saved millions of lives at the expense of his sanity. And as they rolled into the hospital they made a promise this man would make it. They made a promise to get him help, immediately. No more waiting. He would have help by morning come. And hearing them say her boy would be alright. He would be alive for at least one more day, and that day would be the first next day of many to come. And he would get the help he needed. And at that moment she vowed to do everything in her power to do everything she could for her son, and every soul like his. For his soul was never killed in action. It was merely missing in the chaos and turmoil of war. But if one looked far and hard enough it would be found.

@raspberrydreamclouds @hlkwrites @henrythickcavill l @eldarwen333 @madbaddic7ed @toomanyfandomsshreya @mary-ann84 @mariestark @twhstuckylover @geralt-of-baevia @killjoy-assbutt-1112 @infinite-shite @inlovewithhisblueeyes @klaine-92 @foodieforthoughts @luclittlepond @the-soot-sprite @zealoushound

[brandywine-tomatoes]

Only the Beginning - P. 2

SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 11!!!

SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 11!!!

SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 11!!!

--

Masterlist

PART 1

PART 2

Characters: The Syndullas, Captain Howzer, Rampart, a certain Mandalorian, referenced Crosshair

Prompt/Inspo: Howzer betrays his order.

TW: referenced execution, GOOD SOLDIERS FOLLOW ORDERS, strong language, major character death

Word count: 3077

QUICK NOTE: PART 2 Y'ALL!! I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG, I REALLY WANTED TO SPEND SOME TIME ON THIS AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT AS MUCH AS I DO! NO BETA, WE DIE LIKE CLONES! This starts directly after part 1

--

"Really?" Hera jumped, trying to see the unfolding situation.

"Look, we don't have much time-"

"Why would you help us?" Eleni pushed Hera back.

Howzer pushed his helmet off, tossing it on the long table that occupied the center of the converted conference room. "This wasn't what the Empire promised."

The parents looked to each other, a few mouthed words and head movements exchanged before Cham spoke.

"What's the plan?"

"These conference rooms weren't always holding cells," Howzer started. "HVAC systems were installed years ago that connects the entire building, including-"

"The mining facility!" Hera pushed through her parents. "We can steal a ship from there. They'll never expect it."

Howzer snapped his fingers. "Exactly."

"How do we know you're not just leading us into a trap?" Cham put his hands on Hera's shoulders protectively.

"My whole life I’ve been trained to protect civilians, not execute them."

That seemed to convince the skeptical parents enough. The family located the vent and helped unscrew the cover while the captain stood outside as a lookout with his helmet under an arm, tapping his foot nervously.

Should he really be doing this? There was still time to follow Rampart's orders. To be a good soldier, to correct his mistake. But he was created to fight the Empire, not serve under them. Why was he so concerned with following their orders? Why was he so eager to follow their every command? So many questions turned his mind inside out, making every small thing seem so complicated. He rubbed the side of his head to try and dull the light throbbing that started.

A knock from the inside made Howzer jump. He slid the door open a sliver to see a small Hera beckoning him inside. He assumed her parents were in the vent waiting for her.

"I'm going around, I'll see you down there," he whispered.

Hera looked uneasy. "Um, okay. Be safe."

"You too, kid."

He closed the door at her retreating form and tugged on his helmet with a deep breath. All he had to do was take the shortest route to the mining facility and hotwire a ship. Easy.

He walked the halls with his usual authority tight in his shoulders and slowing his eager pace. Many salutes, 'sir's, and 'captain's were exchanged as soldiers walked by, thankfully Howzer's helmet hid his uneasy and, frankly, terrified expression.

He descended too many staircases and walked too many lengthy hallways for him to be remotely on time for the Syndullas. He hoped, force, he hoped, they found a hiding spot and watched the troopers working instead of being apprehended by them. But a little thought nipped at his conscious. It would be better if they were caught, wouldn't it? They deserve a merciless ending for their crimes against the Empire. Weren't those my orders? Don't good soldiers follow orders?

He dwelled on them for too long, missing a salute to a couple of shinies.

"Captain?" An armoured trooper brought him back.

"Is there a problem?" He forced an annoyed anger into his words.

"No sir, no problem."

The duo kept walking, blasters in hand and voices low. Well fuck. If that had been Rampart or a commander, he would've seemed suspicious. He would've been watched closely by whoever was behind the security cameras at every corner. His hand shifted to his own blaster in its holster as he walked a little faster, a cruel reminder that he had a way out of a struggle.

Howzer eventually made it to the new mining facility without any other distractions or detours. It was oddly easy getting there, and it was oddly quiet when he stepped off the pristine floors onto packed dirt with the sky open around the crater. He darted his attention to the large cannons surrounding the area, ‘a precaution’ was Rampart’s excuse to having them.

He walked deeper into the area and drew his blaster, an eery feeling of something about to go horribly wrong setting in. The crunch of dry dirt and the smell of wet clay put him even more on edge. Why was nobody here? Workers were always here 24/7.

“Such a disappointment, captain,” Rampart’s voice sounded. Shit. He couldn’t see him no matter where he looked. He ran for cover behind a large shipping container and clicked the safety of his blaster.

“Howzer!” Hera’s small voice screeched before being muffled. The blood drained from his face and his heart spiked. They wouldn’t kill a child over such trivial matters, would they?

Across the pathway from his hiding spot, Rampart, three troopers, and the cuffed Syndulla family appeared on a watchtower-like structure. Eleni and Cham had seemed to accept their fate while Hera still struggled against the thick cuffs.

“Is this what an accident looks like?” Rampart started again. “Helping insurrectionists escape?”

“Is the kid okay?” The captain yelled.

“Excuse me?”

“Hera Syndulla.”

Rampart looked exasperated. He signalled one of the troopers to remove Hera’s gag.

“Howzer, don’t move! It’s a-”

“She’ll remain perfectly fine as long as you come out with your hands raised.”

Don’t move... what did she- this whole thing was a trap. Somehow it was a trap. He’d be killed if he followed Rampart's order and there was no promise of the Syndullas surviving. Somehow this whole thing was a trap, but he couldn’t see it. Maybe re-enforcements would burst through all the entrances and surround them. Maybe all the ships were rigged with explosives. He could take care of Rampart and his three escorts, but any others would be a gamble.

“You’re wasting my time, captain. You either come to us or we come to you.”

He was running out of time. Out of the Syndulla’s time. With the watchtower in his sights, he silently begged for forgiveness and aimed for the three troopers, three of his brothers.

He layered shot after shot as he ran under the tower, seeing at least two of the shinnies drop before he was swiftly climbing the large pegs up the pole, one hand still occupied with his blaster. That split second of seeing the bodies of his brothers he shot brought prickling tears to the corners of his eyes. He’d never be forgiven for this, he’d never forgive himself for this.

He slowed his climbing until he was directly under the hatch leading to the platform Rampart was holding the family. He heard scrambling and heavy footsteps along with a few shouts of orders. You could just kill the family now, make it look like an elaborate plan. Rampart would praise your ruthlessness, a simple thought crossed his mind, making him nauseous. What was happening to him? Is this what all his brothers were going through? Is this the fall of the Republic?

He tried to push down his thoughts and focus on the task at hand.

He took a breath and pushed the hatch open in the middle of Rampart yelling an order. He shot toward the running footsteps and took down another one of his brothers, the body slipping over the thin railing and falling straight to the ground. The tears were gathering in his eyes, slowly blurring his vision. All that was left was Rampart.

He pulled himself up through the hatch and stood before a horrific scene unfolding. Cham and Eleni were visibly freaking out while Rampart held a blaster to Hera’s temple with an arm around her throat. She tried to blink away her sobs as she shook on her feet, the cloth gag muffling her cries.

“Hold on, Admiral, think about this,” Howzer cautioned, trying to keep his blaster steady.

“No captain, you think about this,” he snapped. “I have a blaster and the girl. Think of all the ways this could go wrong.”

“Admiral, you don’t want to do this.”

“I am fully prepared to do what’s in the Empire’s best interest.” His grip tightened on the blaster.

Howzer’s heart picked up speed and his chest felt like it was caving in. He’d been on so many battlefields, seen so many of his brothers fall, but this fight would rival most in how terrified he was. He didn’t want to keep standing there, he needed to do something! Anything to stop Hera’s muffled sobs.

“Put down your blaster or she dies.” He visibly stiffened his arm around the young twi’leks throat, her hands trying to push it away.

Howzer panicked and threw his blaster over the side, immediately regretting his split-second thinking. He held his hands up in surrender.

“And I thought you clones were smart.”

The blaster whipped from Hera’s temple to Howzer, firing a sizzling red bolt that lodged in his armour and jolted him backwards, knocking the wind out of his lungs. He fell on his back, gasping and coughing while the pounding in his head grew. His torso pulsed with pain, his ribs definitely bruised.

A shot fired.

Once he gained his breath back, he expected to see Hera’s small form crumpled on the floor, but he instead saw the Syndulla’s tightly embracing their crying daughter as best they could with the cuffs and Admiral Rampart’s limp body slumped against the railing.

Whirls of beeps sounded from behind him. He turned to see Chopper floating in mid-air with his blaster clutched between two metal pincers.

“You- you-”

The droid interrupted him with un-enthusiastic beeps.

“You set it to stun? Why wouldn’t you just-”

His arm was pulled by small hands. He looked down at Hera and realized how little time they had left to escape.

Howzer quickly jumped into action. He grabbed the keys off Rampart, ungagged the family, and unlocking all their cuffs in no time. Hera wrapped her arms around his neck as soon as the cuffs dropped.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice finally clear.

He pat her back, not really knowing what else to do. “Any time, kid.”

“They’ll be sending re-enforcements soon.” Cham looked over the facility.

“There’s a ship that looks fueled and large enough to have a hyperdrive,” Howzer pointed to a ship peeking out from the rows and rows of shipping containers close by. “You go, I’ll stay back and cover your escape.”

Eleni looked appalled. “That’s not an option, they’ll kill you!”

“It gets you off this planet, there’s no room for debate-”

“It’s not an option, captain. We don’t leave our own behind,” Cham cut in from beside his wife.

Howzer’s heart warmed, but his mind stayed on course. “Every second we waste talking is-”

“Howzer,” Hera spoke up. “Please don’t leave us.”

He sighed, taking his helmet off. “Kid, I have to.”

“No, you don’t!”

“Look, you don’t understand-”

“I do understand!” She raised her voice. “You want to be a hero and I won’t let you! I don’t want you to end up like the others.”

That struck something. He was trying to be a hero, to die a heroic death in the name of the Republic like his brothers should’ve. But the Republic wasn’t around anymore. There were only citizens like them trying to find the broken pieces and glue them back together. He wouldn’t be able to do that if he sacrificed himself to a fight that wasn’t worth it. Live to fight another day.

He dragged a hand down his face and put his helmet back on. “We have to be quick.”

Chopper flung his blaster to the platform.

The family speedily made their way down the ladder and across the path with Howzer protecting their flanks, a blaster in hand, on the lookout for shining white armour. He winced with every jogging step, his bruised ribs not having any of it.

Eleni soon fell back to match Howzer’s pace.

“I want you to promise me something, Howzer,” her voice was serious.

“Anything.”

“No matter what happens to me or Cham, you have to protect Hera. Don’t give me that look, I can tell under that helmet. Our priority has always been Hera, it has never shifted from her,” she stopped in front of Howzer. “I need you to promise she’ll be safe under your care. You’ll put her before us.”

“You all are my priority, we’re getting off this planet.”

“Captain Howzer, promise me.”

He sighed heavily. He’d get them off this planet no matter what... but without Eleni asking, he’d already always put Hera first.

“I will ma’am. She’ll live a long life as long as I have something to do it.”

He could visibly see the stress lines in her face smooth out. She nodded her gratitude and went up ahead to her family.

He’d never seen such devotion; he was a little dumbstruck. He had to gather himself for a second before continuing on with his blaster raised. The promise of Hera’s long life staying in his thoughts.

The ship’s large cargo bay door swooshed open with the click of a button and they piled inside. This was too easy.

“Something’s up,” Howzer said.

Cham peered up the stairs to the cockpit where Hera darted up to start up the ship. “Agreed. There should’ve been more opposition.”

Eleni approached a little black compartment built into the wall, inspecting the area for a key or switch. As she dusted her fingers around the frame, the smallest of switches caught the pad of her index finger and whirled open. Howzer spun around, blaster raised to see Eleni inspecting a shiny WESTAR-34 blaster pistol with its twin still in the black felt-lined compartment.

Howzer sheathed his blaster and chuckled. “I’ve only heard of one man who owned Westar-34s. You know how to use them?”

She clicked off the safety and raised it to a wall, closing one eye and using her other arm to steady it. “I think I got it.”

“You’ll need it, Eleni Syndulla,” a younger voice came from outside the ship.

A teenage Mandalorian led two squads of clone troopers out from behind the shipping containers surrounding the ship. The adrenaline that finally started to settle in the captain spiked and anxiety sent him into action. Blasters on both sides were unsheathed and set to lethal.

“Now let’s not do anything stupid,” the teen coaxed both sides, mocking the escapists. “If you put down those blaster pistols, I might let little Hera live.”

The three on the ship froze and spared a glance up to the cockpit in view. She was still there, happily jumping around the pit, just excited to fly.

“Eleni, maybe we should listen to them,” Howzer raised his voice.

“Captain?”

“Eleni, maybe. We should listen. To them,” he gritted out. He tilted his head to the back of the ship, towards the rope ladder. Her eyes widened and gave a small nod.

“Cham, go get little Hera please, tell her to stop the takeoff procedures and come down here,” she raised her voice as well.

Her husband seemed to get the plan and slowly walked towards the cockpit stairs with the Mandalorian’s permission. Just as soon as he was up the stairs, they could launch a counterattack that would definitely earn a few blaster wounds, but it would distract the Imps long enough to get the ship in the air and Cham to throw down the ladder.

“Captain, have you ever done something like this,” Eleni whispered, inching closer to his side with her blaster still raised at the clones. They were still clones. They could still be helped. But leaving them alive would only leave more forces to command. They had to... they had to kill so many.

He swallowed thickly. “No ma’am.”

“Enough of that ma’am shit. I think we’re on a first-name basis now.”

“No Eleni, I’ve never done something like this, but I’ve heard these kinds of plans are a 50/50 chance of being blown to bits.”

“50/50? I’ll take it,” she chuckled.

Now.

The pair ran and jumped off the metal floor of the ship onto the dirt, firing bolts upon bolts to cover one another.

They ducked under each other's arms and evasions of bolts, laying down mostly cover fire and occasionally hitting one of his... his brothers. His soldiers that he once commanded, that looked up to him. Should he-

His hesitation paid in a bolt to his shoulder, thankfully not punching through the plastoid, but a grim reminder that if he didn’t kill them, the family he was created to protect would meet a swift end. He fired back, hitting the trooper in the chest and sending him back to hit the ground.

“The ladder’s there, go go go!” Eleni shoved him towards it, still covering both their asses. Once Howzer scaled the ladder high enough for Eleni to start, he started shooting. Eleni tapped his foot forcefully, the signal for Cham to pull them up further so they could fly to a safer area and regroup inside the ship.

He didn’t know how the shot hit the perfect mark, but he didn’t have time to think. A bolt went through the arm Eleni used to hold herself on the ropes. An ear-piercing scream ripped through her throat, free-falling for a fraction of a second before Howzer caught her other arm.

She was floating above the chaos below that was nipping at her boots, only Howzer’s strong grip on her arm pulling her back. But he was slipping. He didn’t have the right leverage.

From the way he was upside down, his feet tangled in the ropes above, it was a surprise his helmet didn’t fall to the ground sooner. As it left his head, he got a clear view of the fear and regret in Eleni’s eyes as she was the only thing he could see against the sand being whipped up from the engines. He made a promise to bring them all off-world, not 2/3 of the team. They were a team.

Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes, a couple escaping in the wind and catching the light.

“Promise me.”

“Eleni, I’m not letting you go!” He yelled desperately.

“Promise me you’ll look after her!” She yelled with more force.

He let out a frustrated and terrified sob, his hands slipping. “I promise!”

“Howzer, I’m sorry!”

“Please-”

His hands slipped from her wrist and past her hands.

He screamed her name as she fell into, vanishing in the sand cloud with her arm still outstretched and another scream ripped from her throat, mixing with Chams.

--

A/N: THIS TOOK SO FUCKING LONG, I'M SORRY, but I hope it's up to par. I edited this thing twice, so hopefully it's readable. Someone asked to be on a tag list for this story and that got me thinking: do y'all want to be added to a tag list for my original works?? Comment/ask/reblog/message me if you want to be added to a tag list I guess??

[goosesister]

I ignored all responsibilities this week in favor of binge watching Schitts Creek and I have some thoughts:

I thought I would hate this because I generally don't like shows about terrible people reveling in their terrible-ness (looking at you Its Alway Sunny). And make no mistake, at the beginning of this show they are all AWFUL people. But their humor and good will won me over quickly and by the end of episode 3 I was a true believer

Johnny Rose is a man who's family drifted apart and he and no idea how it happened. All he wants at the beginning of this show is for his family to be close and support each other instead of this 'everyone for themselves' mindset they had somehow fallen into. Eventually they do and he couldn't be happier. Johnny tries hard at everything he does and accepts how far he's fallen. It takes him awhile, but soon enough he's back at it, working so hard and rediscovering how much he missed working at something from the ground up

I would die for Moira Rose. And she would let me do it and thank me before hand in EXA-ggera-TED TOneS and wearing a shiny black and white outfit. Her way of speaking and many wigs makes me smile in any situation. She's more than a little vain and narcissistic, but she cares so much about all the people around her. At the beginning there's nothing she wants more than to get out of Schitt's Creek and never come back, but by the end she realises just how amazing the people around her are and their many strengths. Throughout this series she you see her all encompassing love and acceptance of her children, her true commitment to Johnny as her husband but never letting her dreams and ambitions take a back seat. She branches out creatively with Crows, the Jazzy Gals, and Cabaret and discovers that she isnt just a one trick soap opera pony, but is a truly talented and capable individual.

Were talking about David and Patrick now, beacuse I cant wait another second and because never have I loved a cannom queer couple more (I'm sorry Alana and Margot! I swore I would never stray). Just, damn that was some fine writing. At no point do the writers use them as a cheap stereotype or token gay couple, but one of the main romances of the show with a complex relationship with all its ups and downs. David starts off a whiny man-child whose parents have fixed everything for him. But by the end through his relationship with Patrick, Stevie, and opening his own business, David has discovered he is inventive, capable, and smart individual. He can succeed on his own without his parents money. His friendship with Stevie is iconic and his relationship with Patrick is tooth rottingly sweet. Patrick is a grounded and loving partner to David, endorsing of almost all David's quirks with an eye on how much is too much, so David never crashes. What legends.

Alexis, not going to lie, got on my nerves the most at the beginning. Her obliviousness and self-obsession grated in a way that felt like nails on a chalkboard. But the more you watch her grow and the significant steps she takes to improve herslef and expand her horizons, the more you root for her to win it all. From the beginning, despite everything she does on purpose, she has a genuine and incredible warmth about her that makes her personality bright. The writers also made tough but satisfying choices with her love life. All of her major relationships don't follow rom-com formulas and there are some complex discussions about sex and feelings. From her sudden horrifying adventure stories to her sweet habit of booping people on the nose, you will always want to cheer Alexis on.

Stevie. Just...wow. Watching her story arc over the seasons is one of the most compelling things about the show. Stevie starts out a funny but directionless slacker with no clear goals. But as the show progresses she actively explores different career options and partners trying to find out what she really wants out of life. This echoes so profoundly with me I cried with her a few times. From her dry deadpan humor to her willingness to help others make her such a compelling and relatable character.

This show is amazing and now I'm not surprised it won so many Emmys

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Loyal

Someone breaks into the house when your father isn’t home, leaving you defenseless.

-

“Are you sure you can handle it?” Your dad asked you. “I don’t have to go, we can re-schedule for when you can come.”

“If I need anything, I’ll call an uncle,” you insisted. “And I have Kal. I’ll be fine.” He sighed. He really didn’t want to leave you, even though it was only for one night. But he had to film in Wales the next day, just for the day, so he needed to spend the night there. He wasn’t taking the dog with him and two of your uncles were less than fifteen minutes away if you needed them. But you insisted that you wouldn’t, because who would bother you? Out of all of the houses on the street, yours was right in the middle. Your dad kept his fancy cars in the garage, so nobody would know how many expensive cars he had unless they watched him leave some mornings. If anything happened, it would be completely random and unpredictable. So he finally agreed to let you stay by yourself.

“Okay. I need to go, then, the car’s outside. I love you. Be good.” You hugged him tightly, knowing you would hate to be without him. Ever since you were old enough to travel, he took you almost everywhere with him. But you had to go to an exam the next day, even though you did school online you needed a proctor, so you were going to be apart for the night. It was the first time in two years that he wasn’t in the next room from you and you would be lying if you weren’t having a little separation anxiety. But it was one night, and you’d have to stay away from him sometime.

“Love you too.” He squeezed you in a hug before he walked over to the couch to say goodbye to the dog, and then he was gone. You locked the door and went to the kitchen to start making dinner for yourself and for the dog. You were used to being on your own in the evenings, since your dad was often filming late into the night or taking a shower at his trailer, so that wasn’t new. But you couldn’t lie, you were a little worried for the night. You hated seeing the headlights pass through your window, and thankfully that wouldn’t happen because your dad said you could spend the night in his room. His room also had a massive TV that you could keep on, but that didn’t help the whole headlights thing because his room faced the backyard.

“Don’t tell Dad,” you said to Kal as you handed him a piece of chicken. He ate it and sat down by your feet as you continued giving him little pieces, then put them in his bowl. You ate dinner and spent most of the night just doing homework, trying to distract yourself. It worked, mostly, because you spent an hour reading a history textbook, but soon it was dark.

Your brigade of uncles called in at different times to check in, reminding you that a couple of them were just a few miles away if you needed anything, but you insisted that everything was fine. Eventually you decided that you needed to go bed and started settling in his room.

You changed the sheets for yourself and crawled in, only getting up to let Kal in and out a couple times. You went to get your phone charger from your room, since he’d taken his, and noticed as headlights panned across the window. That wasn’t odd. People lived on your street. You didn’t recognize the lights, but maybe someone had a visitor or a new car or something. Kal barked and you quieted him down, trying to convince both him and yourself that everything was okay.

Your dad called to tell you good night and you smiled a little bit when he asked you to prove you weren’t at a wild party or anything. You sent him a picture of you in bed, hugging the dog, and he finally said he was going to bed too. You saw the headlights again and tried not to panic. You calmed yourself down by looking at Tik Tok for a while, using Kal as a pillow. Eventually your phone fell from your hand onto the bed and you fell asleep as an old episode of Eastenders played on TV.

“Stop, Kal!” You groaned a few hours later when you felt the dog moving. “I’m not letting you out!” He barked and you sat up, wondering what your brat of a dog could possibly want. He looked a little distressed and whined, pawing at your shoulder.

“What do you want, buddy?” You asked, scratching his fur. Another set of headlights passed and you finally got up to see who the hell was throwing a party on a Tuesday night. You walked into your room, arms crossed, and opened the curtains. To your surprise, someone was in your driveway. That was why Kal was barking. You glanced again. The car was the same kind your uncle Simon drove, but the wrong year and you were sure it was the wrong color. He liked to show up unannounced, but never this unannounced. Never in the middle of the night. You called him to see if he would answer and he was probably asleep because he didn’t answer.

“Kal!” You called the dog to your side and locked your room door, sitting down as you called your closest uncle. He didn’t answer at first, but when you called him again you did.

“Dear God, Y/N, why are you calling at this time of night?” He asked, slightly frustrated with you.

“There’s someone in the driveway and I don’t know who it is. I thought it might be Simon, but it’s the wrong color. I don’t know what to do.” He sighed.

“I’m on my way. You need to call the police and lock yourself in your room. You have Kal?”

“Yeah. He’s with me. He’s anxious too.”

“Then call the police. I’ll be there as soon as I can, alright? I love you.”

“I love you too.” You hung up and called the police as you heard the downstairs door start rattling. You felt the house shift and realized that the garage door was being rattled, too. There must be more than one person. You called the police and told them where you were, that you were alone, and they said they would send someone. You just wanted your dad. You just wanted to call him and hear his voice and tell you it was going to be okay, but he was probably asleep. Was he going to be mad at you?

You heard glass shattering and the dog started barking and you retreated into your closet, debating on whether to let the dog loose or not. No. You wanted him with you. You called his name as he barked and sat down on the floor. He came and joined you, ever the loyal dog, and you buried your face in his fur and grabbed his collar as you continued on the phone with the emergency services.

You could barely hear a thing because Kal was barking so loud. He wrestled away from you and went to the door, scratching into the white paint, howling like he wanted to kill the person on the other side of the door.

“Your dog, dear, is he aggressive?”

“Only to people he thinks are threatening me,” you said back to the operator.

“We have an officer at your drive. Just stay in the room until an officer slides his badge under the door. You said you’re alone?”

“My dad’s gone for the night. My uncle’s on his way, he said. But it’s just me and the dog.” You could hear footsteps stop at your door and the door started rattling and you hung up the phone, just out of fear, and you were crying. One of your dad’s old jackets that you’d taken from him fell on the floor in front of you, off of the hanger, and you pulled it close to you wishing it was him.

You heard commotion on the other side of the door and down the stairs. The police had arrived. You could hear as they instructed the intruder to put his hands up. You could hear footsteps pounding up the carpeted stairs and then it all just stopped. The footsteps retreated after  the clinking of metal sounded, and then you saw a shiny badge under the door.

“KAL!” You yelled at the dog to get him to stop barking. “Kal, stop barking. Calm.” He followed your instructions and turned back into your happy dog, sniffing at the badge under the door. You got up and opened the door to see an officer.

“You’re Y/N?” He asked. You nodded. “Alright. Come downstairs to the living room. If the dog’s not aggressive he can come, too.” You took the dog by his collar and got him downstairs, trying not to look at the formal living room, where there were officers standing taking pictures of the broken window. They’d come in on the armchair that was directly below it. There was a scratch on your father’s favorite reading chair. There were police everywhere and you reached over to grab Kal’s leash, putting it on him so he wouldn’t sniff around and get hurt by the glass. You sat down on the couch, letting the dog up beside you.

“Is your uncle the one outside?” The officer asked. You nodded and the front door opened a minute later, Charlie walked in, eyes full of concern for you and only you. He sat down beside you and pulled you into a hug that felt so safe and familiar that you started crying.

“I called your dad, he’s on his way home,” your uncle said, squeezing your shoulder tightly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get here faster.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” you sniffled. You laid in his shoulder and cried for a few more minutes as the officer spoke to him. They said eventually that you needed to come into the police station and give them a statement, and your uncle agreed to take you there. You had to lock Kal up and give him a pill to sleep, so he wouldn’t bark and scratch at the doors, and you crated him upstairs in your dad’s room. You changed clothes and Charlie drove you down. Luckily, they let him stay with you because you were underage.

You told them what happened and signed all of the papers saying that you were correct about everything, wondering where your dad was, if he was okay, and they finally sat you down in another room in the lobby with Charlie to wait. The three hours passed quickly and then he was sitting in front of you, hugging you tightly. Charlie went back to the house to watch over everything and your dad put you in the car, just to get a few moments alone with you.

“Are you hurt? Are you alright?” He asked as he inspected your arms and you shook your head, shying away from him.

“I’m fine,” you said. He sighed, not understanding why you were trying to get away from him. Truthfully you weren’t trying to get away, but you just couldn’t breathe. He drove the two of you home and parked the car in the garage, even though the electric door was partially broken. He led you up to his room and just put you to bed, checking on Kal. At this point it was nearly sunrise; you didn’t understand how much time had passed until he was tucking you in his bed and the sky outside the window was turning red.

You woke up a few hours later, at first thinking you were late for your exam, but luckily you were able to take it another day when you hadn’t gone through a traumatic experience. You shakily walked down the stairs when Kal wasn’t in his crate and passed by your door, looking at the scratches he’d put in the wood. You saw your dad and sighed. Charlie was still there and the two of them were drinking tea, looking at you with sad eyes when you walked down the stairs.

“I’ll take off. I’ll see you later, kid alright?” Charlie pulled you into a hug before petting Kal and leaving. He’d had to park his car down the street, so he had a little walking to do.

“I’m sorry,” you said with sad eyes as you looked over at your dad. He sighed, turning down the eggs he was making.

“You handled it fantastically,” he responded. “I’m proud of you.”

“What do you mean? I was a mess! I literally gave away where I was, I should’ve sent Kal, I…”

“You did what you could.” He took the food off of the stovetop and turned back to you, letting them cool for a minute. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I am now. I was just scared. I couldn’t think about what might happen, I was just scared and I kept going in the closet. I shouldn’t have locked Kal in, but I didn’t know what to do.”

“It would’ve been worse if he got involved. I’m just glad you’re safe. I should’ve brought you with me.”

“You couldn’t have.” He knew you were right.

“I know. Or I could’ve stayed. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.” He gave you a hug from where you were sitting. “No more leaving for the night, okay?”

“Okay.” You heard paws scratching at the floor and saw the sleepy Kal make his way over to his dad as if to tell him everything that had happened the night before. You were just thankful you had him and you weren’t completely alone. He sat down below your feet and stayed at your side, exactly as he was supposed to do. You went back up to your room later, but if you’d have stayed you would’ve heard your dad thanking him for being such a loyal dog.

A/N: This kind of turned into a love letter to doggos, but I hope you enjoyed it! I love Dad Henry so much! 

Taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added to it!): @an-adventureland, @firstangeldragonranch, @ssebstann, @winterreader-nowwriter

[chibinekochan]

Winter solstice - Obey me! Au Ft. Levi

A special gift for Dani for the Obey me Secret Santa exchange. 

I hope you enjoy your holidays and a happy late birthday to you. 

This Au includes a bit of angst and a creature of darkness.

TW: Injury, no mention of blood but it hurts. 

Pairing includes fem.Reader/Leviathan.

  The Reader will be called Dani. 

Words 6.7k  

It's too long so I will add a read more link. 

__________________________

A snowy winter day.

It's frosty and you wrap your coat tightly around your body.

Your breath is visible in the wintry air.

You pull up your scarf and make your way into the forest that stretches out in front of you.

Many rumors surround the pine forest. Legends of monsters and lost souls that wander the woods.

You don't allow this to deter you. Bravely, you ignore the sign with the ominous 'Stay out' sprayed over the name of the forest. You can barely read the name 'Pine Timberland'. Not the most subtle of names.

You reach the trail that snakes its way deep into the woods. This sort of path is usually used to transport wood to the town. This will at least make your way a bit easier.

You step on the path with mixed feelings.

  Reminding yourself of your mission: Find the treasure and get out of here.

The treasure is a necklace, lost in the woods a month ago.

You thought that it was lost forever, but just the other day a woodworker, and close family friend, saw it hanging on a tree. It was on an edge and hard to reach, the workers had to return home before dark, and the necklace was left behind.

You know that it won't be easy, but you are prepared. Your backpack is filled with supplies.

You proceed to follow the path into the deep forest. It's pretty dark. You can see why everyone thinks this place is scary. Even when you are always drawn to it.

The path leads deeper and deeper inside the cold and quiet forest. During the summer this place is almost dreamlike. The snow doesn't change that impression. Still, there's something unsettling about the deep pine woods.

Maybe it's the rumors or maybe it's the uneasy feeling that someone is observing you.

Despite your growing uneasiness you keep walking deeper into the forest. There is not a soul in sight and slowly the cold starts to sting your face and creeps into your clothes.

Goosebumps form on your skin.

  Finally, you can see the path that will lead to the cliff. You double-check your map. Yes, this is the right way.

With a beating heart, you make your way up the path. The path is steep. Your breath grows heavier, creating puffs of breath in the wintry air.

You have to hurry or else night will fall soon. This deep in the forest and on the narrow path you have to rely on your flashlight. There is no time to waste. Especially now where exhaustion is setting in.

Determined, you hasten your step. The path is getting harder and harder to tell apart from the snow. This path must be rarely used. You almost stumble over a root. You continue with great care. This slows you down even more.

Your boots dig deep into the snow with each step becoming increasingly difficult. Thoughts of giving up enter your mind. It's dangerous to stay in the forest after dark.

Just when you are about to turn around you, notice something shiny in the trees.

Your eyes light up. That must be it!

  You light up the tree with the flashlight.

Something up in the tree reflects the light. It's impossible to tell what exactly it is from down here.

Carefully you step closer, mindful of the steep decline near your position. You take the flashlight between your teeth and stretch out to reach the small object.

  Almost there, just a little more, you are on your tiptoes.

Suddenly you hear a rustling noise in the bushes. Your body jerks around in a reflex.

Out of nowhere, your foot gets tangled into something. Before you can do anything, your world starts to turn upside down and you can't manage to get a hold of anything.

With panic, you realize that you are falling down the cliff. You scream in terror but can't manage to stop yourself from falling.

  Finally, your body stops, your fall caught by a small bush.

You wince in pain and try to move. Nothing seems to be broken. Thank you, lucky star.

  “Hey, are you okay?” You hear a panicked voice.

“Nothing seems broken.” You are a bit taken aback by the sudden appearance of a stranger. From the voice, you can tell it's a young male.

“That's a relief. I just heard someone screaming, and I was like: oh, no, what am I supposed to do? And I just kinda came here. I mean it would've been very awkward if you were a yeti just in the middle of something you know.” The young man just seems to ramble on.

You are pretty thrilled to meet someone out here. “Would you mind helping me up?”

“Oh... umm sure. I guess that's fine. Since you are injured and all…” He seems very awkward but comes closer.

The flashlight illuminates his features. Blue hair that almost covers his golden eyes. He has a rather slender build, and his complexion seems pale.

  His gloved hand reaches out to you. He is shaking. Maybe he is just cold? Well, you are cold, miserable and honestly, your body hurts almost everywhere. Without much further thought, you grab his hand.

  With surprising ease, he pulls you up and you manage to stand. Even when you're a bit wobbly. “Thank you, Levi. You are pretty strong.”

“I know it's a huge surprise that everyone is always like; look there is Levi, he is so weak and pathetic, what a loser.” He sighs, seemingly defeated.

“You seem pretty kind, helping a complete stranger. By the way, my name is Dani.” You smile at him, and now that you see him from up close, he looks pretty adorable.

“Me nice? That's the first time someone said that to me... I'm Leviathan, everyone just calls me Levi... Well, there are not many people that call me anything. Anyway, did you break something?” Levi seems a bit down again, but he is more worried about you.

You move a bit. It hurts, but you seem to be able to move just fine. “It hurts everywhere. I'm sure I've got snow in my clothes, but I think I can walk.”

“Hmm, you fell pretty far. You are only human and the walk back is pretty far. What were you actually even doing up there anyway? Don't you know it's dangerous in the woods?” Levi can't stop himself from a small lecture.

“I lost my necklace, and it seems to be up a tree on the edge of the cliff there.” You drop your head and point to the cliff.

“Oh, I see that must be pretty important to you... Well, no way are you finding it now in this condition. What am I supposed to do now? You are a normie lost in the woods and hurt on top of that.” Levi seems to be pondering this over with himself.

“Normie? I don't know what you mean by that, and if you could just help me to get back to the trail that would be great.” At this point, you just want to get home.

“I hate to break it to you, but the trail is a few miles from here and you are injured.” Levi is pretty pessimistic about your chances.

You feel dejected. “What am I supposed to do then Levi?” You look at Levi with slight puppy eyes.

Levi looks away, he looks very troubled and you can see that he blushes slightly. “Ugh... You really know how to land a critical hit.” He looks at you; he seems unsure of what to do.

His reaction tells you that he wants to help you but just needs a little push. “Please Levi. I require your help.”

Levi wildly gestures with his arms. “Alright, alright. My Hp hit 0. You got me. I live in the forest with my brothers. Luckily for me, they are all busy over the holidays and I'm house-sitting. It's not like I had other plans or that anyone would invite me for the holidays.” Levi seems pretty troubled, despite his words.

“That sounds very sad.” You feel bad for Levi.

“I'm quite alright all by myself. I have just picked my new special edition of 'Celebrate with Ruri-chan'. I plan to watch it at least 200 times and then I have all these holiday events in my games. I'm very busy.” Levi seems slightly offended.

“Celebrate with Ruri-chan'? Wow, that's already out? I thought it would come tomorrow.” You are slightly aware of the popular series.

“YOU KNOW RURI-CHAN?! OMG, an otaku in the wild??? Wow, I can't even...just give me a second. I need to get my soul back into my body.” Levi takes a deep breath.“Alright, so what's your favorite episode of The Magical Ruri Hanai: Demon Girl? Who is your 2nd favorite next to Ruri-chan? You know, for me it's impossible to decide. Like the first episode alone, it set so much up and the season finale was just like, wow. Then when we learn all about Azuki-tan and the lost half. I cried so much. Aaah, it's impossible to choose.” Levi is suddenly extremely excited.

  You feel very happy to see this new side of him. He is a very passionate person.

However, you have to interrupt him, since the snow in your clothes is melting and you are shivering. “I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I really need to start moving. I'm quite cold.”

“Oh, yeah right, sorry. I got distracted. I was just about to say that I will bring you to my home.” Levi feels a bit guilty, especially since he can tell that you are miserable.

“Will that be alright?” You have just learned that he is all alone in his home and you are a stranger.

“I know I'm not the greatest company, being a loser Otaku shut in and all but you have to make do. At least until I can get you back out of the forest.” Levi is pretty down again.

“That's not what I suggested. You seem pretty nice to be honest. I mean, if it won't be a bother to you.” You feel like saying something nice about him.

“Ah no, you seem pretty nice, too. For a normie, you know. I mean we can even watch 'Celebrate with Ruri-chan' together while you dry off. This seems like a great idea actually. I mean, I don't care either way, of course.” Levi seems to like the idea but does a 180 turn for some reason.

“Sounds like a plan.” You support the idea.

“Alright, let's go then. Oh, hold on a second. Can you walk without pain?” Levi pumps his fist and then remembers your injuries.

You carefully take a few steps. It hurts. Levi seems pretty weak, so you doubt that he will be able to carry you. “I think I will be fine with a bit of support.”

"You just thought that I was too weak to carry you didn't you?" Levi sighs and looks genuinely distraught.

You feel a tinge of guilt in your chest. “Sorry Levi.”

He shakes his head. “Honestly it doesn't surprise me at all. I mean, I know I'm weak and pathetic. Of course, you would feel like you can't depend on me. You aren't even wrong, you know. I will probably collapse halfway through and then you will have to carry me.”

After saying that he turns his back to you and crouches down to the ground. “Well at any rate, just come and hop on Dani.”

You can't see his face, but his action touches your heart. You decide to trust him. “Alright, thank you so much, Levi.”

Carefully you climb onto his back and hold onto him. With a deep breath, Levi stands up. He wobbles a bit but manages to stand up without massive issues.

“Well, let's get going then.” Levi huffs and starts walking.

“I hope I'm not too heavy for you.” You feel like Levi is suffering a lot right now.

“No, you are not. You are light as a feather. I'm just very weak. My brothers will definitely make fun of me when they hear about this." Levi huffs with each step and seems dejected.

“I think you are pretty cool. I mean you are carrying me on your back to your home. If I meet your brothers, I will tell them that you are super cool.” You tell him your honest opinion.

“R-really?! Y-you t-think t-that I'm cool? Nobody ever said that about me.” Levi is very surprised and starts to stumble over his words. He seems very confused.

“Not everyone would save a random stranger in the woods after all. You are a hero.” You find his reaction pretty cute and want to see some more of that.

Levi stops moving for a moment. “I sure hope you're not joking, because you really know how to hit my weak points.” He mumbles this, but you can still hear him well enough since you are this close to him.

“I'm serious.” You want him to know and cling just a bit tighter to him.

Levi seems suddenly oddly quiet, you think he must be exhausted from carrying you. What you don't realize is that Levi is blushing and has lost the power to speak due to embarrassment. This is certainly a first for Levi.

Soon you see a light shining in the forest. Slowly you can make out an old mansion. Was there such a building in the forest? You certainly didn't know that.

Levi breathes very heavily by the time you two arrive at the gate. The mansion looks very old, but there seems no road leading up to it. This is very odd to you.

Levi stops and lets you off his back. Just when you want to thank him once again, he lands face first in the snow.

“Wow! Are you alright?” You are very surprised.

Levi slightly lifts his head. His breath is labored. “Yeah...umm well, not really I'm probably going to die to be honest, but I got some phoenix feathers somewhere in my pocket.”

“Nice reference but do you need help?” You are concerned but can't help but smile at the casual mention.

“You got that reference? Dani, you truly are player two material.” Levi chuckles lightly. "Um, what I mean is that I will be fine. Just let me catch my breath for a sec here.” He seems embarrassed again.

“Okay, if you say so.” You smile lightly and pretend that you don't look at him laying flat in the snow like a pancake.

After a bit, Levi slowly gets up and frees himself of the snow. “Sorry about that. So much for my hero status. Let's get inside and warm up before I embarrass myself even further.” Levi is slightly depressed. 

So you decide to cheer him up a little. “Even heroes need to respawn sometimes.” You offer him a smile when he looks at you, seemingly surprised, and then he turns flushed.

He fumbles with his key, unsure of what to say. “Saying things like that so casually... You should be careful or else I will think that you like me or something.” Levi speaks very quietly, it seems like he doesn't want you to overhear him.

“I like you.” You don't miss a beat.

With an amazed expression, Levi turns to you. “Are you serious? I mean, it would be very mean to joke like that.” Levi has this troubled expression again. “Wait, don't reply to that question. I don't think I'm ready to hear the answer right now. My hp is too low as it is. Let's just head inside and warm up.” Levi sighs again.

You recall him laying in the snow just moments ago and don't want to repeat that. So you keep quiet, for now.

  Levi unlocks the door and you step inside.

You were not sure what to expect, but the mansion looks better than you imagined.

It's old but in excellent shape. Everyone that lives here must take great care of it.

Levi closes the door behind you. You can feel the warmth of the place slowly seeping into your body.

  “You can just leave your boots and coat here, I will let you use my bathroom so you can dry off. I mean Asmo has a nicer bath, but he would kill me if I use it. I mean he would be okay with someone cute as you use it. Not that he is here regardless, but well better not take any risks.” Levi starts to ramble on.

“Asmo? Is he one of your brothers?” You are curious.

“Yeah, I got six of them. They are honestly a lot to handle.” Levi shakes his head.

“It must be lively when everyone is at home.” You can't even imagine that.

“Lively is an understatement. They are exhausting, to say the least.” Levi vaguely gestures with his hands. “Enough about them. Let's go to my room and just so you know I have a lot of valuable collectibles in my room. So please be careful alright?” Levi seems concerned.

“Don't worry, I will be extra careful.” You give him an encouraging smile. Then you undress your boots and coat.

That seems to be enough for Levi, and he starts to lead you to his room.

You are extremely curious about it, you have some ideas about what he has in his room. Nothing could prepare you for the truth.

Levi opens the door and for a moment the view freezes you on the spot. The first thing you see is a huge aquarium on the backside of the room. Then you spot shelves filled with all sorts of merchandise. Finally, your eyes are glued to a bathtub in the middle of the room.

This is the strangest thing that you have ever seen.

For a moment you think that Levi expects you to bathe in there, but you fail to see any faucets.

Confused, you look at Levi.

He looks very sad. “I know my room is a huge disappointment and if you could run you would. I honestly should've cleaned up. I mean, nobody ever visits me, but I know it's a lame excuse.” Levi seems very disappointed with himself.

“Your room is unique, but it seems to be very you. I was just wondering about the bathtub.” You had barely noticed the mess everywhere.

“Oh, that is just for me to lay in. Don't worry, I have a working bathroom over there.” Levi gestures towards a door in his room.

Somehow this provides you immense relief, even when it's odd for anyone to sleep in a bathtub, but you aren't here to judge.

“The bathroom is clean by the way. I will go and get you fresh towels, and you will need some clothes… I will lend you something from my collection of anime clothes. Fortunately, I have plenty of doubles, and got some stuff that will fit you. Unless you hate wearing that kind of stuff?” Levi seems anxious.

“Sounds great to me.” Right now you would wear anything and anime clothes sound pretty good to you.

“Alright.” Levi then goes and starts to rummage in an enormous box.

You take this chance and look around the room. You notice his massive collection of games. He really has them all, it seems. Most of them look like RPGs and visual novels. You have played some of these yourself. Levi even owns the new DevilCart. You haven't seen this one in the wild yet. “Oh, you have DevilCart? That's so awesome, I love that series.”

You can hear a surprised noise from Levi. “We can play it if you want to. I usually just play alone, but I'm extremely good at it so don't cry if I beat you.” Levi seems to have a combative side to him as well.

“Sounds like a plan to me, but just that you know I'm essentially the unbeaten DevilCart in my home.” You won't back down from this challenge and give him a teasing smile.

“A challenger has appeared! I'm looking forward to that.” Levi responds very cheerfully. Then he stops with his search. “Ah, here that will be perfect.” He holds up a complete set of cute clothes, a t-shirt, sweats, and a hoodie, all with a Ruri-chan pattern.

“Wow, this is incredible. So cute, I didn't even know this existed.” You are very happy with his choice.

“I'm so glad you like it. Honestly, it's the best outfit I own but it's way too cute for someone like me to wear. It will suit you perfectly.” Levi seems relieved.

You take it with a smile. “That's very sweet of you, Levi.”

Levi looks away, hands in front of his face, probably to hide his red face. “N-no problem. Oh, that reminds me. I got this Potion from Satan. He said it would help me in case I injure myself.”

“Satan?” You are surprised to hear that name.

“That's one of my brothers.” Levi seems to believe this will ease your confusion.

“Your brother is named Satan?” You are very puzzled about this.

“I get the confusion. Our parents were trying to be different or something. We are all named after demons. My oldest brother is called Lucifer. Like come on, we were kinda set up to fail or at least to raise some eyebrows. It's no wonder that Satan became a warlock.” Levi shakes his head and shrugs.

“That is a lot of information right here. I don't even know where to start.” Your confusion is just growing.

“I know what you mean. It's best to just accept it and move on. Well, anyway Satan's potions are very effective. So you should feel much better after taking it.” Levi is used to the confusion, and you decide not to ask anything further.

Levi then presents a bottle of blue liquid to you.

“Are you sure that I can have this?” You look a bit unsure about the bottle.

“I might be weak but I will likely survive.” Levi pouts lightly.

Seeing this, you take the bottle. “Thank you, Levi.”

“No problem. It's a bit bitter by the way. Here some candy.” Levi gives you a small candy wrapped in colorful paper. It must be from an anime. Everything he owns seems to be related to anime or games. He undoubtedly is a full-fledged Otaku.

You empty the potion while holding your breath. It's not as bitter as you feared and it makes you feel all warm, so it's not that bad. You still eat the sweet candy.

“Now you can take your bath or shower. The key is inside so you can feel all safe.” Levi seems happy that you drank the potion.

You nod and take the towel and clothes from Levi. Then you head into his bathroom and decide to shower. It feels very good, and your body is back to normal temperature after you are done. Your sore body feels much better too, you can't find any injuries anywhere.

Your ankle is also completely fine again.

You dress and head back to Levi's room. It seems like Levi has used this opportunity to clean his room.

“Feeling better?” Levi had gotten semi-comfortable on a bean bag.

“I feel like reborn, I need to thank your brother for the potion. I'm completely healed.” You give Levi a big smile.

“I will tell him that.” Levi is a bit awkward for a moment.

“Have you taken your shower?” It certainly looks like Levi hasn't showered yet.

“I wanted to but then I thought that you would wonder if I had abandoned you when I was not here when you are done.” Levi has thought about this a lot.

You think it's very sweet of him. “Wow, thank you, Levi.”

Levi blushes. “No problem. You can play DevilCart until I'm done. I'm already used to the controls. So you can practice a bit.” Levi conceals his face again while he talks.

“Alright but don't cry when I squash you.” You grin at Levi.

“Oho, the game is on! Well after my shower I mean. I will be fast.” Levi instantly lights up.

It's fun to see this side of him.

True to his word, Levi is fast back. It seems like he rushed, his hair is a bit shaggy now. You don't mention it.

Levi sits down near you. You have used the chance to get used to the game. Levi watches you while you complete your match. “You are pretty good, not as good as I am of course.” Levi seems pretty confident about his skills.

“I'm just getting started. You have seen nothing yet.” You feel pretty confident in yourself.

“Actually I was wondering why you were looking for a necklace in the forest.You should know how dangerous it is.” It seems like this still bugs Levi.

“You are right but last month I was devastated when I lost it. I thought it was gone forever. I searched for it so much, but I had given up. Then I was told it's on a tree. I don't know how it got there, but I had to try to get it.” You feel depressed by your failure.

“That must be significant to you. I'm certain you will find it.” Levi seems to be very sure about this.

“I hope so too, but now we should race.” You know there is no chance to find it now. It's getting dark after all.

Levi agrees, and so the play session starts.

  Levi is very different when he is in his gamer mode. He is very lively and confident.

This side of him is genuinely attractive to you as well.

Levi is a good sport, he is frustrated when he loses but also very impressed at the same time. He fully enjoys his time that much is certain.

  “You must be hungry. Fortunately, for us the fridge is filled. I can prepare us some sandwiches for now. So we can refill our batteries. I don't know about you, but I plan to play all night. I mean when else am I getting the chance to play with someone else?” Levi is absolutely serious.

“Sounds like a plan. I honestly can't believe that I'm going to spend the winter solstice here in the forest.” At least you didn't think so this morning.

“Winter solstice? Wait, today is the 21st?” Suddenly Levi seems in panic.

You don't get his sudden outburst. “Yeah, that's right. Is there anything wrong?”

Levi raises his hands over his head. “Man this is bad, no actually, it's the worst thing that ever happened to me. I mean I should have known it was too good to be true. I finally found a fellow lover of anime and games, and they don't run screaming as soon as they see me. It's a cute girl on top of that. Naturally, this is too good for someone like me. What was I expecting?” Levi rambles and he seems in distress.

You don't know what to say to all of this. “Hold on Levi, take a deep breath and explain to me what is going on.”

Levi does just that, he breathes in and out a few times.

“So as you know, my brothers and I live here in the woods, far away from society. The reason for that is that we are all werewolves. I mean it's not a huge deal. Most days we are more ordinary humans but with more hair, sharper senses and higher strength. At least until the night of the full moon. Then we become beasts. Sadly that night is tonight.” Levi isn't sure if you will believe him, but he is extremely distraught.

You aren't quite sure how to react to this. Is Levi insane or are all these rumors that are going around true after all? You only know two things for certain: It's a full moon and it's going to be a very long night.

“Levi, are you kidding me? This isn't funny you know.” You feel very wobbly right now.

“I wish I was joking. It doesn't matter if you believe me. I will leave and spend the night outside anyways. I have a charm against werewolves here somewhere. I'm not quite sure if it works, since I got it as a bonus from a collector's edition but you will be fine when you lock the door. Even in my wolf form I'm very antisocial and it's not like I'm attacking anyone anyway.” Levi is very serious, and you can't help but just stare at him without uttering a word.

He seems so sad. You feel bad for him. You however can't speak. What are you  supposed to say to this?

Levi quickly hands you a charm. You take it from Levi.

“I'm sorry Dani.” Levi doesn't look at you at all. He shakes. This must be very troublesome for Levi.

Levi seems lost for words as well. It seems like he wants to tell you a million things and yet can't say any of them.

Levi keeps looking to the ground. Then he shakes his head. “You can stay here and do whatever you want. I got some food here somewhere. When the morning comes, you can leave. Just go straight from the gate, and you will meet the path.” Levi speaks in a defeated way. He doesn't expect you to talk to him ever again.

You can't help but wonder if his status as a werewolf caused him to become like this.

  Levi turns towards the door, you aren't able to see his face, but you can imagine his expression.

“Levi…” You weakly say his name when he opens the door.

Levi isn't reacting, seemingly afraid of what you might say. He is incapable to even look at you. He must be terrified of your face right now. Even when it's just frozen in confusion.

The door closes in your face, and you still stare at it for a while, clutching the charm in your hand.

A beeping noise snaps you out of your daze. It spooks you for a moment. It's Levi's phone. It's a bit frustrating when you look at the screen. It's a Lp full notification.

You almost groan in frustration but then you notice you have the same game on your phone. You chuckle lightly.

How would Levi react if he knew that you play the same game? You feel like he would be delighted.

  Suddenly you feel isolated in the big mansion.

Then you remember the snacks that Levi mentioned and find a bowl filled with them. Seeing as you have nothing better to do, you sit on the beanbag and indulge in the sweets while checking on your mobile game.

Some time passes, night has fallen and it has gotten rather spooky outside.

You hope that Levi is alright. Suddenly something hits the window. It's probably just a branch but it nevertheless gives you a jump scare.

You almost curse whatever spooked you, when the lights suddenly start to flicker. That's just what you need. Then it's dark. Your phone still provides some light but it's eerily quiet now without the game music. You hear something creak. Truly a great night to be all alone in a huge mansion in the middle of nowhere. A deep sigh escapes your lips.

Another creaking noise, this time it's louder. Your heart suddenly starts to beat faster. What if it's Levi? If he was right then he is a werewolf by now. You wish that you had something silver in your backpack. Sadly, a werewolf attack wasn't on your list of possible scenarios.

  What are you supposed to do now?

You have no time to think, something big is outside the door. You can clearly hear heavy steps. You clench the charm even tighter. You look around the dark room. There is nothing here that could defend you.

Next you hear something scratching at the door. You start to shake and move to the back of the room.

The door opens, it's absolutely dark, but you can still make out two yellow glowing eyes. Whatever it is it's huge, big as a bear at least. Your back is pressed against the fish-tank, there is no way for you to escape.

The phone in your hand shines into the room, providing you a bit of light, just enough to see a monstrous shadow moving slowly closer. You can hear it breathing, the shadow is slowly taking form in the light. It's a huge wolf. You hold your breath.

Its eyes are fixed on you, leaving you unable to move. You hold the charm up in front of you. The wolf seems completely unaffected. This is what you get for depending on a collector's edition item.

It keeps on moving closer. Your whole body shakes and then your phone drops to the ground. The light shines right into the wolf's eyes. Now you can see the resemblance to Levi's eyes. Seemingly unable to meet your eyes, he looks down. The color of his fur is the same as his hair color. It's extremely unusual. 

The wolf just stands there, with a bit of distance between you two. He seems a bit awkward just standing there, somehow completely out of place. 

This is also remarkably Levi-like. Somehow you stop shaking and just look at the wolf with curiosity. It doesn't look like he plans to attack you. 

While you still think about your next move, your phone starts to beep, and much like yourself earlier, were-Levi jumps from the sudden noise.

You break out laughing. You can't help yourself. Levi just looks so utterly silly right now. 

Levi glares at you.

“Sorry Levi.” You feel a bit bad, but at least your tension is all gone now.

Levi looks like he is sighing, it's a bit hard to tell in his current form. Then the light in the mansion flickers back to life. Somehow Wolf Levi seems even less scary now. 

Then you see that he has something in his mouth, and it shines silver.

Your eyes widen. Carefully you step closer, Levi drops the object and withdraws a few steps. 

You look at the fallen object. “Levi...that's my necklace?!” You recognize it right away. “How did you find this?” You look at him, mouth slightly open.

Naturally Levi can't talk right now. It's kind of silly to ask him anything right now.

You take the necklace and almost cry from happiness. “Thank you so much Levi.” You say with an honest smile.

Wolf Levi looks away, he seems embarrassed. It's good that Levi is so easy to read. It makes this whole situation much easier. 

Levi seems to be slowly backing away from you. He is clearly not interested in hurting you. 

“Wait Levi. It's cold outside and you don't want to hurt me so just stay here.” You still vividly remember the cold snow and somehow picture Levi waking up in the cold snow once morning comes. 

Levi seems a bit reluctant. 

You have a brilliant idea. “We could watch 'Celebrate with Ruri-chan'.” 

Levi was so excited about it earlier and you can see that even in his wolf form he is loving the idea. His tail wags happily.

You were frightened of him just moments ago, but now he is pretty adorable. 

You put the DVD into the player. Wolf Levi settles somewhere next to you, his undivided attention on the movie. You can barely suppress your smile. 

Who would have thought that the winter solstice would be this exciting?

In the process of the movie, you get more and more comfortable around the big fluffy werewolf. You put blankets over him and yourself. It's warm and comfy. You even stroke his silky fur a bit, which he doesn't seem to mind at all. 

   At some point you pass out. You almost feel the whole night was nothing but a dream. 

At least until you see that you are in Levi's room. It's very quiet, and Levi is nowhere to be seen. You find the necklace still close to you and go to clean it. It feels very good to have it back. With the help of a mirror, you put it around your neck. 

You hear the door open and look to find Levi, with a tray of food for two. 

He looks at you a bit awkwardly. 

“Good morning Levi.” You try to just act normal, but you also feel awkward.

“Morning, umm here I made some food. I can just leave it here.” Levi is under the impression that you now hate him. 

“Don't be silly. Come and join me.” It's not like you are used to the fact that Levi is a werewolf but you still like Levi a lot. 

Levi is very surprised. “Are you sure about that?” 

“I admit it was a bit scary last night but you aren't much different when you are in your wolf form and you found my necklace. How did you even do that?” You are pretty puzzled about it. 

“My senses are even sharper when I transform, and I guess I really wanted to find it for you. I admit my memory is a bit hazy, so I hope I didn't do anything weird when I was a wolf.” Levi seems uncertain. 

“It's definitely the best late birthday gift that I ever got, and I have to admit it was kind of cool to see a real werewolf. Even when I was frightened at first.” You can't really help yourself but to be in awe. This sort of thing has always fascinated you. 

“You are an odd one, aren't you? I have no right to complain, at least you don't loathe me. So I call this a win.” Levi gives you a timid smile. Then you both eat. 

   Somehow you are both silent. You know that now where you have found your necklace you have no reason to even come back. This makes you pretty sad. 

“Actually I have been wondering if you would add me to your friends list in Demon Cutie? I happened to see a game notification.” Levi seems to have used all of his courage to ask you this. 

“Of course.” You swiftly add him, then you ask him something equally bold. “Can I add your number, so we can keep talking?” 

   You feel a bit nervous after asking. 

Levi shifts around, unsure how to react. It almost seems like he forgot the human language. “S-sure I mean if you want too… in fact that would make me very happy. I hope I'm not being too forward, but you are pretty cool and I would like calling you my friend one day.” Levi starts to stutter a little but then manages to look straight at your face. 

You smile at Levi. “You are already my friend. I mean you did all of these things for me, and I think you are a very great person.”

“Now I feel like it's my birthday. I feel like I'm dreaming. My brothers will be so jealous.” Levi blushes and his eyes light up brightly. 

You giggle, maybe one day you can level your friendship up but you won't say that to Levi right now. 

“We should take a selfie together.” You want to remember this day for a long time. 

“I wanted to ask you that. Are you sure that you aren't some kind of mind reader?” Levi seems pretty surprised. 

“I'm pretty certain that I can't read minds, but you never know.” You tease him a little. 

Levi shakes his head with a smile. “You truly are something. Anyway do you want to stay a bit longer and watch 'Celebrate with Ruri-chan'? I did promise that we would watch it.” Levi clearly looks for an excuse to make you stay just a bit longer. 

You don't mention that you technically already watched it with him last night. Since you also want to stay just a bit longer. “Alright, but after that I need to go home.” 

“Okay I'm so excited.” Levi is very giddy. 

You smile at this new expression of his. Truly a great decision to stay longer. 

You wonder what other expressions of Levi you will see in the future. Especially when he realizes the small crush that you start to develop for him.

  You can't wait to find out.

  ~ I hope you enjoyed this read and it's something that makes you happy. 

I honestly had a ton of fun writing this.

*Winter solstice where I'm is on the 21st of December. It's the longest night of the year.*

[breadoffoxy]

Takeout

Summary: You’re just a simple food deliverer for your parents’ restaurant, unknowingly delivering food to world renowned band BTS and catching the eye of Mr. World Wide Handsome.

Written for the BTS Ghostie Writers Bingo Bash. Prompt: Idol!Au

Pairing: Jin x f. Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Full of cuteness

Word Count: 2,227

A/N: Thanks @rougebangtan​ for beta reading this fic and helping me use it as a learning process. 

You slam your car door shut with your sneaker-clad foot, your hands too full precariously holding a heavy food bag and coaster of drinks. You don't pay the expensive building in front of you any mind, having made many stops here previously. A large number of lamb skewers to feed a whole army despite ever only seeing two men answer the door has become a routine order.

These rich guys blow so much money on food, making you judge them slightly, but they help pay your parents' little restaurant's bills so you're grateful for their hungry stomachs and deep wallets. Plus, they're cute with their little gummy and bunny smiles, making your heart go uwu at their excited faces. If only you could bring them so much joy, instead of it being only for the food you deliver to them.

Nodding to the doorman as you pass, you enter the shiny, freezing lobby. As you mastered the art of elbowing long ago, you barely even have to look at the switch to hit the correct floor number. The elevator doors open with a soft ding; it's so fancy that it has tasteful music playing when you enter. You hum along as you slowly rise to the top of the building. The elevator repeats its soft ding as it opens and you walk down the immaculate hallway.  

Using your elbow once again, you ring the doorbell and wait patiently outside, making sure to have your customer service smile on. The door opens, and you are not surprised to see the cute bunny man on the other side, wearing an over-sized black outfit as per the usual.

"Thanks, Noona!" He bows politely before taking the food and drinks.

He disappears momentarily to put the food down inside. Once he comes back, he pats his pockets and his nose scrunches up cutely in confusion.

"Sorry, Noona!" He practically cries as he bows again before frantically running back into the apartment.  

You chuckle to yourself as you hear what sounds like a commotion going inside.

"Yah! I told you to stop ordering so much food out." A voice yells loudly inside.  

"But these skewers taste so good Hyung." Comes the voice of the bunny man.

"I can make you something better, just watch." The unknown loud voice yells again, this time closer.

"I was going to offer you one, but with that attitude..." Trails off bunny man cockily.

"Why you-" the voice cuts off suddenly, making you look through the doorway curiously.

A tall broad man, dressed in a soft pink hoodie, steps into the eloquent entryway and stops as he sees you standing outside the door. His eyes are wide, mouth slightly open as he stares at you. Feeling a little uncomfortable with the attention from one of the most beautiful men you've ever seen, you bow for the intrusion, missing the way his ears light up red.

The bunny man does his best to hold in his laughter as his elder stares at you. Easing the wallet from elegant fingers, almost hidden by pink sweater paws, the younger man opens it, and skims through a large pile of bills that make your eyes blow wide. He bows again, holding the money out with both of his hands.

"Here you go Noona, sorry for the inconvenience." You return the bow, taking the money.  

"Thank you, please enjoy." You glance over at the pink dressed man before adding, "See you next time then."  

"Of course." The bunny closes the door and immediately it sounds like there is some sort of scuffle going on the other side of the wall. Shaking your head, you walk back to the elevator, ready to finish the rest of the night's deliveries.

A couple of days later, you return to the same luxurious apartment complex, and this time, the order is larger than usual. Your arms strain a little from the weight, but you still make it to the door without any incident. You elbow the doorbell and wait before the handsome man who stared at you last time opens the door vigorously.  

Slightly surprised, you take a step back, almost tipping the drinks in the process. Large hands come out to steady the drinks, dark brown eyes suddenly very close to yours. You stand their frozen, lost in their depths before the grumbly voice of the man you deemed gummy smile comes from somewhere within the apartment.  

"So, the maknae was right, after all, stop flirting with lamb skewer girl."  

The broad-shouldered man gently rips the drinks out of your hand as he springs away from you. He glares at the man behind him with a pout, his ears once again catching on fire. "I was not flirting." He says quietly, his voice soft and beautiful.

"Uh-huh."

You bow, food bag stretched out before you. "Sorry, he was helping me with the drinks."  

Long fingers take the food bag from you and you rise to see the gummy man disappearing with it in his hands. The other man slowly pulling out his wallet and going through it. His brows furrowed in concentration as he if he was thinking about something.

You pull a copy of the receipt off your phone and hold it up for the man to see. "Here is the cost, sir."

"Ah, sorry I know the price." Quickly the man snatches the bills out of his wallet and snaps it shut.

You put the phone back in your pocket and take the offered money. Slipping that into a pocket as well, you take pause when the man continues after clearing his throat.  

"I was trying to figure out a good way to tell you how cute you are."

Your eyes whip up to see the dark-haired man scratching the back of his neck, cheeks dusted with a light blush. You quickly bow to hide your embarrassment. Someone so handsome has never given you a compliment like that before.

"T-thank you. P-please enjoy your food." You mentally berate yourself over your stuttered response, and practically run down the hall to escape. The handsome man smiles fondly at your embarrassed retreat.

With more and more frequency, you keep getting orders to the apartment with the unbelievably attractive residents. Each time too, a sense of deja vu tickles the back of your mind. With their looks, you wouldn't be surprised if these men were some sort of actors. Never one to pay much mind to those things, you push those thoughts to the side.

The man who flirted with you before frequently answers the door upon your visits, but sadly not every time. The bunny and gummy men laugh at your little pout, not taking offense, and inform you that the handsome man is busy with his schedule. You came to know him a little more after every delivery, learning his name is Jin, a connoisseur for good food and a taste for dad jokes. You laugh at nearly everything he says, finding the man cute and charming.  

One day you muster up your courage and write your phone number down on the back of the receipt attached with a little heart. Anxiously checking your phone, the whole day you feel like a school girl waiting for their crush to message them back. An excited scream leaves your throat, startling a few customers, when a message from an unknown number followed by a thumbnail of Jin blowing you a kiss appears in your notifications. You bow apologetically to the customers when your parents reprimand you.

Late in the evening you often exchange messages with Jin. He doesn't get many breaks at all from work, making his roommates, and now his as well, frequent orders make sense. Feelings start to bloom in your heart for the cute customer turned friend. You try to squash your feelings, thinking someone as handsome and rich as him wouldn't like someone like you that way, but each time you deliver him food or get just even a short text, the butterflies return with a vengeance.

You're surprised when your parents close the store for the day, completely forgetting how some k-pop band was wanting to film an episode of their variety show at the shop. You didn't pay attention and your parents berated you once again, wanting you to do research on them so you can provide the best customer service and not embarrass them.

You nearly choke on your snack when you look up BTS, seeing familiar faces greet you. Your eyes widen as you skim over pictures and watch music videos. You had no idea you delivered food regularly to the most popular band on the planet. After listening to a few group songs, you switch to Jin's solo songs, feeling emotional at each one.  

When the camera crew comes in, you're not prepared mentally and so you hide in the back. What are you supposed to say to them, to him, now that you know? Your mom finds you and drags you out front. You put your best customer service face on, bowing to the staff in welcome. They explain to you what needs to be done and you help your parents prepare the ingredients they need for the idols' game.

During the preparations, you feel a set of eyes trailing after you that you do your best to ignore for now. You attempt to hide in the back as long as you can with your parents taking over the duties of teaching the men how to prepare the food they are cooking for their episode. Your father signals you for more skewers, dutifully you take them out, hoping you can scurry in and out and not be caught on camera. That plan fails miserably when the men cheer at your arrival with more skewers.

"Thank you, skewer fairy." Jimin cheers when you place the bowl of soaking skewers in front of him.

"Noona, how does mine look," Taehyung asks, holding up his lamb skewer. The pieces are not proportionate to each other nor are they completely centered on the skewer but you smile politely regardless.

"You may want to center them a little more and cut that large piece in two, but it looks very nice Taehyung." You point a finger to the man sitting on the other side of him. "Look at Jin's skewers, try to copy how he places them."

Taehyung nods enthusiastically as Jin winks at you, blowing a kiss your way. You cover your burning cheeks with your hands, Jin's grin increasing at your embarrassed look. Quickly you bow and dart away back into the kitchen.

"Ah, not fair hyung!" Jimin yells at your escape. "I wanted the pretty teacher to compliment mine too."

You place a hand over your racing heart, imagining now the gifs being made by fans screaming mood or this is me if I ever got a kiss from Jin. Oh god, your face is going to be all over the internet. Luckily for you, you're able to hide for most of the rest of the shooting. As everything wraps up a hand grabs at your wrist, you see the back of wide shoulders as Jin gently pulls you to a quiet corner of the kitchen.

His hand remains on your wrist as he turns around, an apologetic look on his face. "Sorry for not telling you about, well, all of this. It was nice knowing someone that didn't know."  

"Makes sense." You smile reassuringly at him. "Now I know why you all looked so familiar. It's just hard to believe, but it’s believable at the same time though, since you are all so handsome."

Jin's hand slides into your own. "But, I'm the most handsome, right."

"Of course." You squeeze his hand back. "I hope me knowing doesn't change anything. I'll do my best not to get starstruck now that I heard your beautiful singing."

The idol looks away shyly, ears reddening quickly, "Ah geez, don't say things like that." He looks back at you, and you can tell he's nervous. "I was thinking that maybe things could change."

"Oh." You loosen the hold on his hand, pulling it free. "I get it, we can keep a strictly professional relationship. Don't worry, I won't sell your address to your fans or use your name to increases store profits."

His hand grabs yours before it can completely slip away. His other hand comes to rub at his face.  

"No, that's not what I meant." He swears something under his breath as you tilt your head, waiting for him to continue.  

Instead of using words, Jin leans down before you realize and a feather-light kiss is left against your lip. Instantly, he reels back, trying to gauge your reaction. You stare at him wide-eyed in shock.

"I'm sorry, I'm doing this all wrong." He looks away guiltily but looks back at you when you tug on his hand.  

Standing on your tippy-toes, you kiss his cheek, making him the one shocked now. Knowing someone would come looking for him soon, you walk backward, hands stretched out between you as neither of you are letting go.

"Take me out some time instead of just ordering take out to see me ok?"

"Deal." He grins, knowing he's going to be doing both, just to see you as much as he can.

[docholligay]

The Live Action Winner, by ONE VOTE:

Twilight Zone, Original Recipe! 

I love love love the Twilight Zone (I also love Black Mirror, but we are currently living in Black Mirror Time and so it is being hailed as pessimistic as TZ was often accused of being in its day. I think people will eventually come around and be like, “ah shit” but I digress and accept that BM is never going to be huge here) so no worries about spoilers! You may nominate any episode from the original run! Not the 80s version or the new CBS version (those were not nominated) 

HERE YOU ARE GO NOMINATE THIS WILL ONLY BE OPEN A FEW DAYS

There were some REALLY SOLID angsty Overwatch Headcanons, and for that I thank you, I will hold them close to my heart 

In ten years, Reinhardt will be broken.

 After decades upon decades of battle, his age and innumerable scars catch up with him. His body is ravaged and torn beyond repair, but he refuses to stop. After so many years of combat, he knows nothing else but to fight. 

And so, Brigitte, once a squire, now a knight in her own right, nonetheless remains by his side. She is his only lifeline, and her friendship, and her careful, meticulous maintenance of his armor, are the only things keeping him going, figuratively... and literally.

 His body cannot maintain itself anymore.

 The armor is the only thing holding it together now. 

He can no longer remove it without dying. 

And when it finally breaks down... so will he.  ---@blastoise-m (Man I don’t even get into Rein a TON, but this was fucking great) 

I don't know much about OW but I feel like Lena is probably pretty nonchalant about the fact that she could die if she loses her shiny chest thing and it pisses off everyone else. -- Bob (You know I don’t know tht I think she’s nonchalant INTERNALLY but I think she plays it that way all the time, and the more I thought about this answer, the more I thought about how her seeming carelessness could make the people who love her fucking insane and so I ended up going...good job Bob, here is a point for something I had not considered) 

Winston never orders from Tracer's favourite chinese shop after she dies. He will get new traditions, like waffles with Avital, drinks with Sam, and wine with Mercy as they discuss scientific discoveries or politics. He will find new restaurants and food that he loves. But he will never return to that cozy take out place. Instead, he carefully hides away that old tradition, with the warm memories of spicy prawn and her head nestled on his chest. --- @kumeko (WOOF. This was so good, and that sense of what I could really see Winston doing, that he would feel like it was some manner of betrayal to her, and hurt him all over again. CHOICE DOUBLE POINTS WINNER) 

Mercy sometimes remember all the faces of the wounded she see. The girl who just got her leg blown off by a grenade, the old man with a compound fracture from a bombing in an apartment block, a toddler crying after being burned badly in a fire and losing her mother. You can try to patch the physical wounds, stop the bleeding, kill the agony a little, but you can still see the hurt in their eyes. It’s worse than looking at a corpse. --Beefsalad33 (I love haunted Mercy so so fucking much)

Lena, caught in the timestream, screams for Bert, pleading for him to come and take the pain away. Cries herself hoarse with pain and need and frustration, but the only one there is Winston. The only one tirelessly by her side isn't the loving, warm father she demands, but a coworker who feels the gap keenly. The first time she cries for Bert in a small, sad child's voice, something small and sad inside Winston wails in response and he's shunted back to being on that base. Back to being alone with no one to answer his cries of pain, confusion, and loneliness. He calls around, pulls in a favor, and eventually a soft, worn sweater makes its way into Lena's arms. She can't stand the feel of it against her skin for long, but the smell of her father wraps around her and she sleeps fitfully, for a while. -- @rhiorhino (YES YES YESS!!!!!! I love this idea, I’ve written about her having her dad’s old grey cardigan before but I love this applicatio of it, bless and thank) 

[tegoshigeftw]

Tegoshige Top 25

“More Tegoshige, please!” - said absolutely noone and I delivered. Well, this isn’t for 5 likes, this is for me. I’ve had this blog for 6,5 years now and I decided to look back on the best it had to offer. This is my rating of top Tegoshige moments, excluding those that tightly involved other members (so the making out had to be left out ;;). The things that made my heart doki doki... It was originally a top 10 but it was getting hard to pick so I decided there literally was no reason to hold back so here we are.

#25 4x9

That one time Tegoshige went on location together (which is already a blessing) and Tegoshi got freaked out because of insects running about and nearly got into Shige’s lap. Nearly. So it heads the list.

# 24 Halloween 2017

Tegoshi was Oiran - an elite courtesan - and Shige was Alex from Clockwork Orange. This was but a short moment but is lasted forever in my mind.

#23 Dropped earring

This was during White final. After the boisterous MC scene where Shige was the couch and Tegoshi was the girlfriend, Shige noticed Tegoshi dropped his earring, picked it up and gave it back to him. Just a minor moment, but Tegoshi was still in girlfriend mode and it was incredibly soft. Video here.

#22 Neverland in Tokyo encore 2017/06/11

Tegoshi got very emotional after he went backstage but the fans kept cheering so they went back on stage again and Tegoshi wouldn’t stop crying so Shige led him softly.

#21 As long as Tegoshi is happy...

Before a live performance, they were interviewed and as it was just after Tegoshi’s birthday, they were asked what they wanted to give so...

S: … (in his best ikemen voice) As long as Tegoshi is happy, that is enough! T: Ahhh! ♥ I am loved! Thank you, Shige-chan! I wanna hug you!~

Video here.

#20 The Spa

It was a photoshoot for Biteki. They were originally in different sandboxes but Tegoshi got lonely very soon.

#19 Hairstylist Shige

Shige has been Tegoshi’s stylist for years, since the early days. You can see it in photos and several DVDs, most notably Live Diamond. Video cut here.

#18 “Shige, thank you!”

The night after the Neverland Tokyo concert, 2017 Shige got a call...

S: After the concert ended, Tegoshi had a party with his friends. And so late at night he suddenly called me saying “Could you come for a bit?” S: He seemed to be serious and he cried so much at the concert. (laugh) I got worried and came over but this guy… he just fell asleep! (laugh) K&M: That’s terrible. S: He woke up once, looked at me saying “Shige, thank you!” and went back to sleep. T: Moreover, I was sleeping in Shige’s lap. [S]

Tegoshi: After the last concert in Tokyo Dome I invited several members of staff and Juniors and we basically did a wrapping up party. I called Shige at 3 AM and he came but I ended up falling asleep in Shige’s lap though I don’t remember that at all. I heard it afterwards but apparently I sang “I’m coming” and Shige sang “Ayame” but I don’t remember a bit… [S]

#17 Neverland in Tokyo 2017/06/10

According to a fan report: At the intro of some song, Shige grabbed Tegoshi by the waist tightly. At first, Tegoshi was playing along but Shige didn’t let go and Tegoshi, not used to being attacked, got embarrassed.

#16 Umeboshi

Shige’s been making umeboshi for years now and his #1 fan is none other than Tegoshi.

S: I’ve been doing it for 10 years. It’s not that I like them, I hardly eat them myself. During the tour our Tegoshi eats quite a lot of them. I leave it (in the dressing room) so after the concert he opens it and eats it. About half of them I make for Tegoshi. [2017.02.08 Moshimono Futari]

Q: If you were to give Christmas presents to the members what would it be?

A: …Well, umeboshi! Umeboshi! Eat my umeboshi and get healthy! I give it to Tegoshi every year though. Ah, but that’s showing “Love”. I give it all the time but it’s a deep love that has a special depth! (laugh) [2018.12.05 TVガイド]

#15 Blue making

This is perfect for several reasons, how naturally this fells, how there’s a perfectly empty chair next to them, and how at the end Tegoshi stumbled and Shige is cautioning him.

#14 That 2013 photoshoot

You know the one. That is all. No comment needed.

#13 Tegoshige Kabe-don and confession

During k-chan news, they played the Prince game and Koyama wanted a kabe-don. So Tegoshi kabe-don’d Shige and told him “I love you!”

The audio available here.

#12 Tegoshi’s kirakira eyes

Back in 2009, Shige had a diary and I’m really sorry he does not anymore because one day after a photoshoot he wrote this:

At that time he had seemed to be already smiling and looking at me Looking at me at such a close distance Is this an effect from DREAM BOYS As compared to before, the distance was so much more closer Tegoshi Yuya Indeed is a prince………….. Oh please won’t you be even a little embarrassed. Just how strong is your heart? Don’t look at me like that………… Being looked at with those shiny eyes…………… The atmosphere will become weird (oдO) ………………………………….. Tegoshi Yuya who has ended the photoshoot using those shiny eyes, had walked towards DREAM BOYS with that pair of eyes Ah~ shiny shiny Tegoshi eyes~ I’ll be waiting for that photoshoot~ I wonder… for which magazine would it be Oh the kira kira eyes

Full text here.

#11 That Taiwan hotel video 

We all remember that one. Tegoshi in his bathrobe going out to visit ‘other members’’ rooms but he only goes to Shige’s and gets comfortable on his bed, and gets pounced, and the next thing they show, it’s morning.

#10 Soukon thigh stroking

That time the camerman got very fascinated with Tegoshi’s legs and the other members teased him about it and called him a pervert. Then, Shige decided to stroke those thighs because... well, he can. 

#9 Taking a bath together!

- An unforgettable episode that happened on stage.

Kato: Because of a thunderstorm we had to stop the concert. We moved it to a later date. After a break the 4 of us got into tiny bathtubs, 2 in each and it felt sort of like a field trip, (laugh) the bath was warm. [Duet 2015.04]

They also talked about it during an MC at the time.

Shige pretended to climb into the “tub” with Tegoshi. “We were Team… What was it again?” T: Team “We haven’t done our solos yet”. S: And Tegoshi was sliding all over the place and smacking into me. He was such a naughty guy. T: It couldn’t be helped. It’s slippery. K: But baths are nice, aren’t they? Shige answered in a chill voice, “Yeah, they’re great.” [S]

#8 Worldista routine

I think this was during Weeek where they make up different letters with their bodies. Every concert it went differently but several times Tegoshi left his place and went over to Shige. This fancam pictured the time he got on top of him. Or tried to.

Also here’s a report from Nagano, May 25:

Tegoshi goes to Shige and captures him in a hug and Shige hugs him back. Then Shige picks Tegoshi up and carries him like a sleeping child to his original position. [Fanart here]

#7 Showers

Tegoshi is long known to invade other people’s privacy and during the tour, other people’s shower stalls are no exception. There are many recent episodes but here’s one account:

Q2: Shige-chan said in Nagoya when he took a shower Tegoshi appeared right before his eyes but does he do it always?

S: Not… always but he did it quite a lot on this tour. He trespassed about 3-4 times I think. He would enter the shower room I went to really quietly. That’s why I got really startled. He’d get happy he made me surprised and start grinning. (laugh) I would counterattack by pouring water over him.  

[Tour Stories from Popolo 2016.09 FUN’S QUESTION - SHIGEAKI]

Then, there’s an important MC from 2008. One time, during the tour Massu wanted to take a shower but as he entered the stalls, he met a naked Shige standing proudly. Shige explained he was only waiting on Tegoshi who earlier danced for him naked. Massu was like “Cool, I’ll leave you to it.”

The full account is here. There used to be an audio of this but I didn’t manage to get it.

#6 DTF ‘ago-kui’

There were many instances during two whole tours and also a SCP performance. Each time seems a little closer and more intimate, but each time looks equally fun on both sides.

#5 Accessible Emma outfit

Now we know that Shige, unlike Tegoshi, is not a touchy kind of guy. So him doing something like this, especially on air, is pretty unusual. Tegoshi said Shige did it a lot backstage too.

#4 “I wanna stir you up”

This line from ‘S’ was a real hit and Tegoshi basically admitted it got him horny. Twice. Detailed posts here and here.

#3 Tegoshi saying they’re basically married

Here’s the video.

#2 Tegoshi knows what’s up

Who do you think has the most sex appeal?

Tegoshi: Shige. His face is handsome like a nobility but he’s also manly. Rather than a shining sexuality his sexuality is monochrome… a deep sexuality. It’s the kind that slowly unravels as you get to know him.  [Wink Up, 2013.12]

Who would be a perfect boyfriend in NEWS?

Tegoshi: Wouldn’t that be Shige? It seems like he wouldn’t be clingy but all the while even when he’s silent, in his heart he’d be like “I’m thinking about you properly ♥” keeping a good distance. [Ane Can 2015]

Look with a “female gaze” and say who’s the most handsome member Tegoshi: Alright, I’m switching to female… click! …Hello, I’m Yuko! (laugh) So… for me it’s Shige. The reason is his face and his way of life. His face is up to my taste (laugh) and he doesn’t hesitate in words or in actions. His open-minded way of thinking is similar to mine. It’s refreshing and feels good. [Potato 2016.10]

To name but a few.

#1 Shige radio confession

During k-chan news, they played the Prince game and Koyama wanted one person to say what they liked about the other person and this is how Shige confessed.

K: Do it properly! Seriously. Connect hands “lover style”, look at each other. *giggle* S: Tegoshi has a really cute face. Really cute face and a good voice… K: That’s not it. S: A nice voice and beautiful eyes… K: Something you really like, really like.  S: But I really do like it. K: Something more about his personality. S: If it’s about his personality then… even when he complains he still does his job properly.

Sorry, but that’s just... yeah. You have to hear it though. Full transcript and audio here.

[my-brothers-corrupted]

My Brothers, Corrupted

Chapter Three : Section Two : Lost

Chapter One l Chapter Two l Chapter Three

While Red and Dapper search for safety, Blue wakes up, Dok needs help, and Anti channels his many unresolved issues into violence.

Trigger warnings for hospitalization, emotional abuse, blood, murder, and psychosis including catatonia.

 Section Two of Chapter Three: Lost

cest-mellow asked: does anyone else have a camera working besides red and dap?

You hear a yelp as the message finally sends, and Red’s face flashes back onto your screen, startled.

“Hey!” he cries. “You scared the hell out of me! Damn camera chooses now to turn on? Apparently even we don’t even have a camera working half the time.”

He is, as you summarize in about two seconds, in the middle of unlocking a big, fancy door to a house. Dapper is leaning on his shoulders, holding the camera Red gave him to distract him, his eyes unfocused and his mouth fixed in a strange, small smile.

nikkilbook asked: Hi Red. Missed you. Sorry I upset you last time we talked.

“Oh. Hi,” says Red. “Um, I’m sorry, I can’t even remember what when down. Don’t worry about it, I was upset already. Just don’t go saying anything that’ll confuse - that’ll confuse Dap, I mean. We’re good, my dude. Ow, Dap, your elbows are right on my spine, little man!”

Dapper smiles foggily and readjusts. He is slack and tired. Red has put his own hoodie on him to make sure his face stays hidden. The lock beneath Red’s hands clicks open and he lets out a small hiss of relief, getting to his feet.

“Where are we breaking into, Anti?” asks Dapper. “I thought you said we wouldn’t be mean to nice people anymore.”

“It’s Red, buddy. Come on, we just need to get some cash. Eat the rich and all that. I gotta be able to feed you.”

Anonymous asked: Red, you’re probably going to need to change your appearance soon. If people are looking, you’ll need to throw them off your trail.

“Oh, I know, I know,” groans Red, tugging Dapper inside the house. His little brother lets out a low whistle, admiring the shiny, pretty, enormous house around them.

“It’s just that I don’t think I’m allowed to change Dapper’s appearance. I’m not even sure I’m allowed to change my own, but Dapper? That’s Anti’s doll, he’s really really picky about how he looks! He picks out his outfit most every morning and brushes and cuts his hair and stuff. Even tells him when to clip his nails. I just need to keep him really hidden. But maybe I can buy us new clothes soon? Or do something about my… hair. I don’t think Anti would like it, but you might be right, it might be necessary. Ah, shit, why isn’t there any cash lying around here!”

Dap holds you as Red races around the house, tearing open drawers and bedroom doors. There’s plenty of jewelry and expensive clothes and shit, but he doesn’t need jewelry, he needs pesos.

“Aha!” you hear him shout from down the hall, and then, a moment later, a door opens on the other side of the house. Dapper gasps and stiffens, the camera shaky in his hands, but he doesn’t move.

cest-mellow asked: is someone else in the house?

Dapper shivers and clutches you to his chest. He doesn’t even know where he is. There are footsteps coming towards him. He hears Red go silent in the room down the hall.

spicydanhowell asked: red, go now, it's not worth it

Red peers out of the room and sees Dapper frozen in the middle of the living room. He tries to catch his attention, but Dapper looks suddenly very small and genuinely afraid, his hands asking softly for “Anti? Anti? Anti, where are you?”

“There wasn’t supposed to be anyone in the house,” mumbles Red, pupils tiny in their irises. “They all went out… they all went out. I checked the whole family. I’m… not bad at breaking in to places, Dapper was just kidding. I’ve broken in to places before. It’s just cash. I just need to get some cash. For clothes and medicine and food and a place to sleep, a place to sleep. He has to have a place to sleep.”

He babbles in his uncertainty, his eyes flickering between Dapper in the living room and the window in the bedroom he’s just broken into. He has a couple hundred dollars worth of cash. Enough for maybe one night in a hotel and some food. He can’t keep getting the cops called on him. They’re just closing in and closing in. He can’t do this. He can’t do this.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Dap, you gotta get out of there, or hide, or something! At least until your big brother gets to you!

Dap blinks, reads, registers.

Suddenly he is scrambling to hide, darting behind a kitchen island and hunkering down, his hands desperate to get his knife out of Red’s hoodie, clutching it to his chest. His eyes flash, different emotions dart across his face; you do not know if he will be scared or aggressive if someone catches him here, but he does seem to be listening to you.

cest-mellow asked: red, do you see anyone there?

Red licks his lips and slides down the hall, peering out of the end of it.

There’s an old woman in a house-keeping uniform setting her stuff down by the door. He sees Dapper hiding his face in his hands in the kitchen. Anti’s useless little baby.

“Dap,” he whispers. “Dap.”

But Dapper doesn’t move.

In fact, Dapper isn’t moving at all.

You can barely see him breathing.

“No, no, no,” hisses Red, staring at the house-keeper coming closer. “Not now, Monochroma, not now.”

He pauses, chewing on his thumb.

“Okay, you know what? She’s old as fuck, I’m just going to grab him and run. Ready?”

immabethehero asked: Don't hurt anyone!!!

“I’ve killed a lot of people but never fucked up an old lady,” Red considers. “That would be bad. Even by Anti’s standards. Okay, maybe not, but even by my standards.”

Anonymous asked: Dap, Reds trying to signal you. Both of you, just stay hidden until you can get out of there--the place doesn't have anything you need anyway

Dapper doesn’t move. Dapper doesn’t look at you. You are sliding out of his hands. The emotion has slid off his face and he stares.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Red, move fast and grab him! Dap needs you.

“Yeah, fuck this, I’m so stupid, okay, fuck.”

He darts forward, low to the ground, but he still hears a shrill scream as the old woman turns around. Red just starts laughing. He can’t do fucking anything right. He can’t take care of Dapper. They’re going to get arrested and he’s going to freak the hell out and Dapper’s going to get shanked because he’s an aggressive, twitchy, confused little gringo with a psychotic disorder and no voice. Fuck, he needs help, he needs Anti, please, please, he wants to wake up from this nightmare.

Red scoops Dapper’s stiff, thin, abused little body into his arms and shoves back out the door, ignoring the frantic hollering of the woman behind him.

“Shit, Dap, you could grab onto me or something,” he groans, trying to readjust him. “You get that we need to fucking run, right? I wish Anti was here, I wish Anti would tell me what to do.”

He’s out on a busy street in broad daylight. He hopes she doesn’t run after him. He pulls the hood lower down over Dapper’s unmoving eyes, shielding him from the sun, and ducks down the street as fast as he can go with a little brother in the middle of an episode in his arms.

Anonymous asked: Keep running Red! Duck into any alleys if you can, and keep moving. Stay away from the public.

Spurred on, Red runs.

You are shoved in the side-pocket of his backpack and all you can do is sway back and forth, staring up at the sky, as he keeps on, panting and pounding his feet against the pavement and then, against the sand and the dirt of the outer city. The sky is darkening and soon it will rain. The memory of water pounding in against him, of fire roaring on the shores all around him, of Dapper’s body pressed to his own, numbly letting his little brother lead him through the Amazon, makes him shiver so hard his camera shakes.

He slows and slows as hours pass. Dapper weighs almost as much as he does and all his little brother can do is curl into his arms. You have yet to see him move at all. Occasionally, you hear Red whisper to him, but it is so soft you think perhaps he doesn’t mean for you to hear:

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

He comes to a staggering trudge and finally stills and sits down beside the filthiest canal you’ve ever seen. He sinks down, exhausted, onto the soggy earth, and takes his sweatshirt off of Dapper’s shoulders, to make a blanket for his little brother to lie down on. Trash squishes beneath his feet and a mouse pitters away from him, indignant at the intrusion.

“Sorry, little buddy,” Red mumbles, sitting Dapper down on the sweatshirt and holding him by the neck.

“Dapper, can you hear me at all?”

There is no answer.

Dapper’s position has not changed from the curled-up ball it was hours ago on the floor of the rich man’s house. Red’s stomach drops.

“Dapper… Carver, Chroma. It’s big brother. Can you move at all? Can you hear me?”

He pulls Dapper’s hands away from his face. His eyes are open, staring at nothing. Red lets go of his hands and they stay stretched out towards the sky, but Dapper does not move, fixed like a mannequin in that position.

Chilled, Red grabs you to his chest and stares at his little brother, frozen stiff. You can feel his chest shaking.

“Needs his medicine,” whispers Red. “Needs his… but I still can’t… I can’t…”

Dapper is a clay statue, pliant and moldable, unmoving.

Eventually, Red just sits down beside him and wraps a careful arm around his shoulders.

“Will this pass?” he asks you in a low whimper. “What should I do? Is Anti coming to get us?”

Anonymous asked: Jameson Jackson! Your big brother needs you to move!

Red grimaces, closing his eyes. “Why don’t you just tell him to talk while you’re at it?”

Anonymous asked: Is there a way maybe we can get through to Anti, Blue, and Trick? I’m sure Anti is searching for the two of you.

“If you can,” whispers Red. “Please tell Anti I need him. But don’t… don’t bother Blue.”

Anonymous asked: Red we haven't tried contacting the others yet. Do you think it would be safer for them to come to you, or for you go to them? We'll help you as best we can, okay?

“I need him to come to me, please. I mean I - I could try to go somewhere, but I can’t get any money, and I can’t falsify records in the blink of an eye like he can. What I wouldn’t give for a working credit card or an airplane ticket coming out of the machine with my alias on it. Or a filled prescription, fuck, fuck!”

He grips at his hair, curling in on Dapper’s body a little. From here, with him so still and quiet, lying beside him, it’s easy to imagine it’s Blue beside him again, Blue’s hand in his own.

And then he remembers the look on his face as he left him with Anti.

“Red - Jackie - I’m afraid, please - ”

“Be good, Blue. I’ll see you again soon.”

Red grits his eyes and his teeth and heaves out a gasp of air. His free hand clutches the dog tags around his throat tight.

Anonymous asked: It’ll pass. Maybe try to act like Anti if he gets distressed...? But for now, make sure you’re safe and that theres no one around.

“It’ll pass, it’ll pass,” whispers Red, holding Dapper to his chest. By now, hot wet tears are filling up the lines of Red’s face, and you know his embarrassment by the way he raises and drops you, raises and drops you, like he cannot let you see. “It’ll pass. There’s no one around. There’s no one - ”

He grips tight, tight, at his hair, yanking for the comfort, hissing out breaths through his teeth.

Anonymous asked: Anti's looking, Red. But regardless of him, yes, this will pass. I know it's been really, really hard, and it feels like it's too much on your shoulders. Things have been really difficult lately. But you've been doing your best. I appreciate how hard you've been working. Until you can get some help, all you can do is take everything one step at a time. Okay? And you'll get there in time. So take a deep breath, center yourself. Just right now, what's priority number 1?

“Okay, okay, okay,” says Red. He raises and drops you, raises and drops you, faster and faster, pulling his hair. “Okay, okay. I’m doing my - I am, I - or now I am, if I wasn’t, I - I - one step, one step, one step, one step, one step. Okay. Now’s not the time for a breakdown, Roser, not now, not now!”

He strikes his chest once and blows air in and out of his mouth. “Okay, yeah! Priority number one, that… what should… I, um…”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Right now, Red, you should focus on getting you and Dap to safety. Find somewhere that your little bro might find comforting?

“Right, right, okay, safety. Safety, yeah, he needs somewhere to rest while he’s like this.” Red’s eyes flicker along the filthy canal. “Somewhere he feels safe… controlled environment… low expressed emotion… routine and a feeling of security… maybe I can get a real motel room for the night. With a real bed for him. And a shower and water. I’ll have to get more money if I do, but…”

He pulls the stolen cash out of his pocket and begins rifling through it. You see the shine of stolen jewelry too, though he can’t risk pawning it. He kind of just… grabbed it. He shoves it back into his pocket quickly and busies himself with the cash, flushed.

“Okay. Okay. Isn’t as much as I hoped for - this country just needs to lop off all these extra zeros - but there’s about… sols to pounds, sols to pesos, pesos to pounds - about 300 pound. Around here, that can get us a place to sleep, right? If I can just find us a hotel?”

He turns his attention back to Dapper, hopeful. “Would that be good, Dapper?”

No answer. Okay, okay. Red straightens up and you see him try to soften, putting his hand on Dapper’s shoulder, and then, even steeling himself to touch his face with his bare hands, flesh-on-flesh. That’s what Anti would do, right? Or Blue? Touch him, reassure him, make him feel small and safe?

“Do you want to go get a motel room, sweetheart?” asks Red, trying to make his voice drip with the sugar of it, though it comes out stilted and a little uncomfortable.

Dapper doesn’t move anyway.

Red bites on his lip.

spicydanhowell asked: red? medications are the only thing that can help him right now from what i understand. he would need benzos, like klonopin or valium or something, or a muscle relaxant. if this goes on for too long, he will need urgent medical attention because he won't be able to drink water. close his eyes so they don't get dry, and make sure his neck is comfortable. that can hurt a lot during catatonic episodes :( ((i do think it'll help if you keep moving his joints though))

“Catatonic,” chokes Red. “That’s the word, that’s the word.”

He bites down hard on the bend of his thumb. He wants to rock - he needs to rock - but it’s so fucking filthy here. Already his pants are damp and muddy. He hates that. He hates being so filthy. All the time. All week. Next to no possessions and one brother to look after and he can’t take care of a single one of them. He strokes his silver dog tags.

“Fuck, fuck,” he whispers. “If he doesn’t come out of it, what will I do? I can’t take him to the hospital. I don’t think I can break in to a hospital either, not without Anti. I don’t have anything for him. I don’t have anything for him.”

You see him crumple back towards despair, but he shakes his head out again, shakes his head and brushes down his hair and slaps his chest and straightens up again.

“Goddamn! I’m tired. Not now, Rojo, not now. It’s okay, Carver, it’s going to be okay, I’ll get you back to Anti soon. I hope. Cause I really, really need someone to help us.”

He gets up on his knees and closes Dapper’s eyes carefully, rubbing his aching neck. Then he positions himself in front of him and begins moving him gently into place so he can sit on his shoulders. Red’s muscles are sore and straining, but he’ll carry him a little while longer. He’ll carry him forever if he has to.

“Let’s go get you somewhere to lie down,” he whispers. “Come on, little man. I got you.”

Anonymous asked: It will pass, Red, but it might take an hour or more. I think he's having a catatonic episode because of how terrified he got. Just keep both of you safe, sit close by him, and keep up hope. I'm sure Anti will find you soon, though he is having slight... magic issues at the moment. But don't be afraid. You're doing such a good job, you're being the best big brother you can be right now. Just keep cool and calm, wait it out.

“I hope it is just an hour or more,” he murmurs, trying to stick to the quiet parts of the city, the dangerous parts of the city, ignoring the strange looks people give him for having another adult hooked over his shoulders.

“What’s this about Anti having magic issues? Is he going to be okay?”

He carries you and Dapper for blocks and blocks, beginning to despair of ever finding a hotel. It’s not a big city. Maybe it was once, but now it’s just dirty, and dying, and exhausted, and spiteful about all of it to top everything out. People glare at him. He speaks little Spanish. He misses his warm poor mountain. He hopes the people there are gladdened by Blue’s flowers. But then he remembers the cactus tearing at his stomach and the fire going down the mountainside, and Anti wearing Blue’s burned body, and Dapper crashing to the ground with the bruise on his face, and the flight, and the fight the next day, and - and -

Red must stop to close his eyes and grit his teeth, steadying himself by his own harsh breathing and the weight of Dapper’s warm body on his aching shoulders.

“Keep going, Red, keep going,” he mumbles. “My strong right hand, my good fighting dog…”

And at last he finds a tired old motel.

The relief radiates off of him. He prays he didn’t count his cash wrong.

But fuck, he can’t go to check out a room with his little brother on his shoulders.

He sets Dapper down in the shadows of the garbage container by the back of the motel rooms - the urge to put him safely inside is tempting, but ultimately too much for him to subject his already-suffering little brother to - and he puts the camera gently on Dapper’s up-raised knees.

“Will you… will you watch him, for just one second?”

He knows it’s stupid. But he doesn’t know what else to do. Just keep cool and calm and wait it out. Prioritize. Find him somewhere he feels safe. Be the best big brother you can be.

You’re a shit big brother, some part of his head tells him. And a worse twin.

What else is new? replies another. Tell me something I don’t know.

-------------------

bupine asked: trick? blue? can you guys hear us?

There is a flicker in a heart monitor.

An increase. A fading, again. A quietness.

There is a small boy sitting on the floor of a hospital room, hiding from the nurses, holding a camera in his hands, searching, searching, searching.

Not understanding.

The heart monitor flickers. The oxygen is inhaled more clearly. Slows again. Fades again.

Magic is just… power, right?

This should be like new batteries in a camera. This should be like a charger in a computer. This should be like revving a generator and watching it roar to life more powerful than ever before, cackling with electricity, omnipresent, omniscient, immortal!

Why does it burn so badly?

Anti’s little chest coughs. Copper pools up in his mouth. Mostly-simulated. Partly real. More real than it’s ever been before.

He can’t seem to make it dissipate again. There are crocuses beneath his fingers. There are crocuses trying to come up through the floorboards.

The heart monitor picks up again. This time it does not fade. A clear breath, and then a clearer one. Anti looks up. His eyes widen, and then he gets up from the floor, and changes his disguise.

Blue’s eyes flicker open.

He stares dully up at the white ceiling, his air puffing softly against the oxygen mask.

“Hey,” Red’s voice whispers. Soft fingers touch the plastic hospital bracelet on his wrist. “Sh, sh. It’s okay. I’m right here. Blue, Blue… you scared me…”

Blue turns his eyes to him slowly. A steady, clean, strong form sitting close to his body. Deep blue eyes and a down of brown hair, dyed red on the top.

“Roser?” he croaks. “Where… am I?”

Anonymous asked: Wow, pretending to be Red when Blue is injured? Thats a new low, even for you.

Anti’s eyes flash and he leans slightly in towards you, letting Blue drift a little again, whimpering slightly as he takes in his situation through a bleary, exhausted brain.

“I am trying to give him what he needs. He’s upset. This is an act of mercy.”

Anonymous asked: Fuck off with all the lying Anti! Don’t do this to him.

“You’d rather he wake up beside the person who did this to him?”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Anti, don't take advantage of this situation!

“Whatever, whatever. I don’t care. I’ll have to fix this whole mess up later. Right now he’s upset.”

Blue hiccups painfully and reaches out to try and find the sleeve of Red’s hoodie.

“Ro, I don’t feel - I don’t feel good, Red, Rojo.”

Anti licks at his lip. If you didn’t know better, you’d say it looked like a nervous tic.

“Blue, just be calm. Just be calm.”

“No, no, no, what’s happened to me? What’s happened to me? Ro? Ro?”

bupine asked: blue, i'm afraid that's not red. red's ok, but he's not here. that's just anti that's there. i'm sorry about your twin.

Blue is trying to push himself up to sitting. Anti gets to his feet and leans over him, pushing him back down, making him cry out as his bandaged chest burns beneath his fingers. His heart monitor whines faster and faster.

“What are they saying?” chokes Blue. “I can’t - I can’t see, I can’t see it!”

Anti takes his chin in his hands, ignoring his crying, and tilts him from side-to-side, staring into eyes gone cloudy and faraway, the pupils unfocused.

“Can you see at all?” he asks.

“Where am I, what’s happening? Everything is blurry, I can’t see! Red, why won’t you tell me what’s going on? Where are my little brothers, are they safe, where is Anti? Is he going to hurt me again?”

“Quiet,” mumbles Anti, steadying him by putting a hand on his throat. “Quiet.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Blue, things are going to be okay. Try and breathe, okay?

“I can’t see them, I can’t see what they’re - what they’re saying - ”

“Blue, just stop freaking out! Here, here.” Anti picks up the camera and hands it to him. Moaning, Blue pulls you close to his face, his fogged eyes trying to fix on your little white words. Breathe, breathe! Red won’t stop examining him like a cut of steak at the grocery store and he wants to see the others. He needs to know that everyone is safe. Where’s Dapper, Dapper who was dragging against handcuffs on his wrist, Dapper in the middle of an episode?

“I don’t want Anti to have him anymore,” sobs Blue. “Where are my little brothers? Red, did you protect them from him?”

Anonymous asked: Anti, if you want to keep Blue calm, make like Red and reassure him! Tell him everyone's safe and warm and eating good food together, tell him he got injured, heck, tell him Anti took a vacation and he doesn't have to worry about being hurt for a while! Otherwise you're just gonna make him unable to trust Red OR you.

Anti bites down hard on his lip, his eyes flickering between Blue and the camera and the racing vitals readings. He doesn’t know how long he has before a nurse comes to check on him. Okay, okay. He’s got this. He’s almost as good an actor as his two youngest.

“Blue, sh, sh. It’s big brother, right?”

He strokes a hand roughly through Blue’s hair. Blue sniffles and grabs at his sleeves, keeping Red’s hands close to him.

“We’re in the hospital. You’ve been really sick, man. The doctors think you had a stroke or something.”

“No, no,” whispers Blue. “Red, listen - ”

“Don’t think about it right now,” says Anti quickly, rubbing gently at his throat. Blue softens a little beneath his hands, trembling back down onto his pillows. “It must have been scary. But I’m going to make it right. I always do. You are safe.”

Blue kneads at his sleeves, trying to stare up at him, trying to find the freckles on his face, but Red is a blur of color and a soft voice speaking to him.

And… a burn on his palms that feels almost familiar.

Something nasty curls in Blue’s stomach.

“Red?” he asks.

“Yes,” says the person standing over him. “Yes.”

Blue chills and draws slightly away. He’s going to be sick. His body shudders once and Anti grabs him and helps pull him up to puke into the trash can beside his bed, tears beginning to run again, feeling weak and helpless and scared and sick.

“Please get someone for me,” he gags, clutching at his stomach. “I want to see one of the others.”

“No one else is here yet. Here, I’ll call for a doctor. But you can’t say anything about Anti or what happened, do you understand?”

The hand on his back is suddenly a little too firm.

“We’re in hiding and you can’t give us away, or Anti could find us.”

scunneredzombie asked: I'm sorry people freaked out at you Anti. You're right, being Red right now is a good act, thank you for being merciful to him while he's hurting. Hopefully this helps him feel calmer... Try not to let it slip that it's you, control the temper and act like Red. It's... an unfortunate lie, but it's what's best right now.

“Right, right,” mumbles Anti, nodding firmly, curving his fingers around the camera in Blue’s hands. “See, it’s for the best. Blue, I’ll explain everything soon. For now, just calm down.”

“Dapper? Dapper? Doktor, Trick?”

Anti feels the antlers poking at the back of his skull again. His head aches.

“I… I lost them,” he says.

And despite the bad news, Blue finds himself reassured by the way he says it. He calms again, rubbing at his mouth.

“Lost them?”

“Trick will be here soon, but I… I couldn’t… I’m trying, alright, I…”

Blue’s hand wraps around Anti’s sleeves again. “Okay. Okay. I know you must be trying your best. I’ll help you get them back.”

Anti softens and wraps himself gently around him, rubbing his shoulders.

“I would… like that.”

A beat.

“I’m glad you’re awake.”

cest-mellow asked: blue, just take a deep breath everything is gonna be okay. you’re in a hospital. “red” tell him a poem or something? help him calm down?

Anti rubs the heel of his palm across Blue’s back, massaging at the sore muscles, feeling Blue tremble beneath him.

“Poetry,” he mumbles, his mouth curling up a little. “I don’t know anything about - ”

“Are we still in Peru?” mumbles Blue, beginning to sway against him a little.

“No, I took you somewhere safe.”

“Oh. And Trick will be here soon?”

“Just a few minutes now, less he’s late.”

“He’s okay?”

“He’s fine, yeah.”

“He doesn’t have Dok… I need to make sure he’s not sad…”

“Yeah. Yeah. You’ll look after everybody again soon, just like you’re supposed to.”

“Why can’t I see?” whispers Blue. “What did he do to my eyes?”

Anti licks at his lips, stroking Blue’s back.

“Don’t think about it right now. I’ll have the doctors come take a look.”

Blue sits despairing against his chest in the silence, staring at the glow of the blinding light from the window.

Anti licks his lips.

“What are the roots that clutch?” he whispers, their heads pressed close together. Blue lies against his body. Trusting his brother. “What branches grow out of this stony rubbish?”

“Oh,” whispers Blue. “I love Eliot.”

“Son of man, you cannot say, or guess, for you know only a heap of broken images, where the sun beats, and the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief, and the dry stone no sound of water.” His consciousness is halfway with Blue and halfway in a cloud far above him, viewing poetry through wifi signals, to recite it in his lilting accent. Maybe that is why he does not notice when seeds open between his palms and the stems of flowers fill up his long white fingers. “Only there is shadow under this red rock. Come in under the shadow of this red rock.”

Blue’s voice joins his softly, his eyes closed like those of a sun-bathing cat. “And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you…” “Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you,” whispers Anti.

And then he sees the flowers on the backs of his hands, holding Blue’s shoulders.

Blue feels the brush of the leaves and opens his eyes.

Anti goes silent.

Blue’s voice shakes.

Angry.

He finishes the poem.

“I will show you fear in a handful of dust.”

The heart monitor shakes through the silence between them.

“I will kill you,” whispers Blue. “For what you have done to me and my family. Just like I promised. I will kill you.”

A hand wraps around his throat. The flowers are roses and they pierce at his skin.

“Oh, little magician,” sighs Anti, a giggle echoing through the room around him. “It’s far too late for such things now, empty little vessel that you are.”

spicydanhowell asked: blue, red is a long way away right now. that's anti with you. red is with dapper. anti and trick are with you. i'm so sorry. you had a stroke

Blue nods slowly, feeling Anti’s breath pant against his cheek. His muddied eyes are fixed straight forward. His voice, when he speaks, is raw and shaking.

“Is that true? The theft caused a stroke?”

“Mmmh.” Anti strokes his hands through his hair, massaging at his scalp. “It’s what I told Trickshot. Wait til little brother gets here to see you. You’ve never seen him so small and devoted. ‘I love you, Blue, I love you, I’ll be back tomorrow, please get better!’”

“Is he hurt?” chokes Blue. “Are you hurting him?”

“No. He’s fine. I haven’t let him do anything stupid.”

scunneredzombie asked: Anti, genuine question, no mocking intended, are you any closer to finding the others? They're in a really dire situation. Red is trying his best to keep Dapper safe, but he's Monochroma right now, catatonic, and it's looking bleak for them. I wish I could tell you anything about their location.

Anti’s eyes falter and Blue’s lock onto your message, widening.

“I���m doing everything I can,” says Anti.

“Why can’t you find them? Catatonic! Holy hell! Fuck you, Anti, go get them, goddamn you!”

“Now you want me to have them?”

“I’ll worry about taking him away from you after he’s in his right mind. This is your fucking fault!”

“Shut up!” snaps Anti, grabbing the back of his neck. “You can blame a lot of things on me, but Dapper’s fucking psycho brain?”

“Don’t you dare call him - ”

“That is all his fault. Now shut up, the nurse is coming.”

“Why can’t you find them?”

Anti stares at him, fuming, licking at his mouth.

“Why can’t you find them?”

“Shut up,” whispers Anti. “Shut up, I…”

spicydanhowell asked: you Are killing him, marv. your magic is tearing him apart. it's too strong for him. he's weak.

Blue’s eyes fill up with message, and then, and then - his face is calm, he understands.

“You can’t bear the magic.”

Anti draws slightly away from him, shifting shape. He is a small, brown-haired, mousy child sitting curled up in Trick’s chair by his bed.

“The two of them don’t meld. And now - you can’t make yours work right.”

Seamus draws his knees to his chest, his black eyes fixed on Blue.

“Oh, oh,” whispers Blue, staring at him, at the knobs of the antlers, at the thorns of the roses. “Does it demand tangibility? Does it demand physicality? And you - you have never been anything but a simulation, coding and a little bit of falsity made into images and sensations. My magic asks for a body to bear it. Does it hurt, Anti? Does it hurt, to become a tangible thing? To have nerves growing in where they have never been before, to have flesh form along new bones, to feel blood well up in a heart that has never existed til now?”

“Shut up!” screams Anti, leaping to his feet, and the lights in the room burst with a screech just as Dr. Siong opens the door to the room.

“Seamus!” she cries, alarmed, sparks raining down from the darkened ceiling.

scunneredzombie asked: Anti, Blue, both of you, calm down. At least pretend to get along until they let him out of the hospital. Acting this spiteful and rude to each other is only going to draw unwanted attention to you when you're in public like this. Be smart, control your tempers the lot of you.

Anti and Blue stare at each other. Dr. Siong sweeps forward to check on the both of them, her careful hands pressing Blue back down onto his bed as he sways, grey-faced, and then turning to Anti, holding out her hands.

“Seamus, are you okay?”

He wants to turn into a dog and bite her face off.

“I’m fine,” he snaps, sitting back down in his chair. “Nobody came when I pressed for a nurse!”

“It took us a moment, didn’t it? I’m sorry. Did your brother wake up and you were all alone in here? Where’s Connor?”

“He went to get breakfast,” Anti says.

He flashes a look at Blue as the doctor turns to him, warning him with his eyes, but Blue’s used up most of the fight he has left in him - he’s slumped back on his pillows, foggy eyes fixed on the ceiling, breathing too slow, his eyes closed.

bupine asked: anti's magic with the cameras isn't working properly right now, blue. ever since he stole your magic, from what i've seen.

“Haha,” laughs Blue, his chest trembling. “Ha… that’s what you get, that’s what you get. Hope it… hope it burns you out.”

“Matthew?” asks Dr. Siong gently, readjusting his oxygen mask. “Are you with us? I think you gave your little brother a scare.”

“Ugh,” groans Blue, his eyes welling up. “Oh, oh. I feel horrible, I feel… I want… my brothers. My poor baby brother, catatonic.”

“Catatonic?” repeats Dr. Siong. “Who’s catatonic?”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Blue? Marvin? Tell the doctor what's going on! She might be able to help.

Anti’s hand shoots forward to grab Blue’s. Blue looks over at him, chest heaving, teeth gritted, as Dr. Siong listens to his chest.

“Trickshot is mine,” signs Anti, hands striking viciously together. “You do anything to jeopardize our situation and I will make his life a living hell. Do you fucking understand me?”

Blue draws in painful breaths, staring at him.

Anonymous asked: Blue, he can’t control your magic, it’s making him sick! That’s why he can’t find them, there’s so much going on at one time. He’s blocked all of Trick’s memories of that night too and pulled him deep under his power.

“Deep is right,” Anti signs, baring his teeth. “And sick as I am, it’s nothing compared to how weak you are now. It’s nothing that will stop me from stringing up his little cat and forcing him to eat it.”

Blue’s eyes grieve. He swallows tightly and goes quiet.

“Can you tell me how your pain is, on a scale of one to ten?” asks Dr. Siong.

Blue is crying. He quakes beneath her hands. She rubs his shoulder, bustling around him.

“S-seven.”

“I’m going to increase your pain medication.”

Anonymous asked: Stand strong Marvin. Stand strong Blue. You are not empty. You aren't just a 'vessel'. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage, against the dying of the light... Never forget what he's done to you. You will always be too much for him to handle, magnificent magician.

Blue’s eyes pick out your message slowly and pull them down deep, to keep them safe inside. Rage, rage, against the dying of the light. He is not a slave. He is not a pet. He does not want to go gentle.

“We’re going to take care of you, okay?” says the doctor. “It’s going to be okay.

“Okay,” whispers Blue, but he doesn’t know if he believes her.

Anonymous asked: His life is already a living hell Anti! Fuck you. Marvin do what you think is right. Remember, Dok is safe with the magicians and Red and Dapper are somewhere off by themselves. Trick is nearby and has started to seem semi independent, but he’s being heavily influenced by Anti.

“You don’t have the strength to keep fighting anyway, Blue,” hiss Anti’s hands.

Anonymous asked: Anti, do you really think there's anything Blue could say in this situation that would be taken for anything other than delirium by the doctors? Come on.

Anti sulks and slumps back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “They better not,” he signs. “Stupid woman threatening me.”

bupine asked: there's no point trying to explain, blue. no one will understand, they think anti is just a child. just get along with him until you're out of the hospital

He nods rapidly, closing his eyes.

“C-can I see my other brother?”

nikkilbook asked: Blue, your name is Matthew. Trick is Connor, Anti is Seamus. You got your burns in a cooking accident-turned-house fire when your shirt caught fire.

“Connor,” Blue clarifies, nodding at you. “I… I want to see Connor.”

“Seamus, maybe you would be able to get him for us?” asks Dr. Siong gently. “Do you know where he went?”

Anti swallows back the daggers he wants to glare at her. Stupid fucking Trickshot.

“He’s almost here. He’ll be right back.”

Anonymous asked: Oh fuck Chase get up you need to get to the hospital NOW

Trick startles at the beeping on his camera, nearly dropping you. “Oh!” he gasps. “What’s wrong? Here I am, I’m coming through the door.”

bupine asked: trick, where are you? blue's awake!

Trick pauses, and then blinks, and then lights up like a happy heart monitor.

“Blue’s awake!” he shouts right there in the middle of the hallway, and then he’s off like a shot, ignoring the glances from people around him, racing towards his big brother. “Fuck yeah! Blue’s awake, Blue’s awake!”

badlypostedeverything asked: Blue is awake! He's not doing great though

“Oh, he’s not doing great, oh no. Okay, okay, no worries. I’m going to look after him, I am, I’m going to do everything Dok taught me and I’m going to guard him with the gun every night and nothing will come after him and we’ll be okay and - and - ”

He pushes through the door of the hospital room.

Dr. Siong is holding Blue as carefully as she can as he cries hot, rapid tears, his chest shaking with sobs. “It’s going to ease up soon,” she promises. “It’s going to ease, it’s going to get better.”

Blue cries against his pillow. “Am I going to die?”

“We’re monitoring your condition very closely. We believe there’s still a good chance of recovery.”

“Bl - Matti!” calls Trick, hurrying towards him. “Matti, thank fuck!”

“Trick,” croaks Blue, past caring, and then his little brother is wrapping himself around him, so, so careful of the burns and the pain and the distress that he’s in. Trick is strong and steady around him, healthy and whole, protecting his body, pressing their heads together, breathing against him.

“I’ve got you,” says Trick, sure and steady, and his voice does not shake. “I’ve got you. It’s going to be okay. I love you. I’m going to look after you.”

Blue presses his face into his shoulder and prays he never has to come out of hiding right here ever again.

Anonymous asked: Oh blue, is there anyway that someone can survive after their magic is taken from them? One of the magicians healed you as much as he could, but I don’t know how much that really counts for.

“Never heard of anything like this happening,” wheezes Blue. “Black magic, black.”

“I’m going to go get a nurse and have her get a look at these burns, alright?” soothes Dr. Siong, patting his ribcage gently. “There’s been a lot of improvement over the past few days.”

She turns to go, but a small voice pauses her. Seamus is standing upright on his chair again, a tiny ferocity staring right at her.

“What’s wrong with his eyes?” he asks. “Why can’t he see right? I thought you took brain scans.”

She glances at Connor. “Well, Seamus, sometimes things can happen that don’t show up on any of our early scans. But we’re going to run some more tests and try to figure it out.”

“If it’s not in his brain, then where is it?” snaps Anti, clutching his little fists together. Trick reaches out to grab his wrist, firm but gentle.

“Maybe the eyes themselves, some dysfunction?”

“You don’t know,” he says. “You don’t know, so you don’t know how to fix it.”

She sighs a low breath through her nose, looking down at Matti in the hospital bed, who stares back with those glassed-over eyes, like cataracts had filled up his vision. But they aren’t cataracts. Or if they are, she doesn’t know how the hell any of this could come from an auto-immune flare-up or a stroke or a seizure of anything natural she’s ever heard of.

“We’re going to do everything we can to find out,” she promises.

Seamus sits back down in his chest, blue eyes fixed on the floor, picking at his nails til they bleed, listening to the sound of her disappearing through the door.

He fucked up his vision. He didn’t know. Or he did, maybe. He knew that something bad would happen.

He did what he had to.

Seamus wraps his arms around his knees and sits in silence while Trick and Blue hold each other.

spicydanhowell asked: so, anti, what's /really/ wrong with him? the white hair, never waking up, now he's nearly blind? what's the truth? or is it just the loss of his magic? you know medical doctors can't fix that, right?

His eyes flicker over to you and then away again, changing to green. No, he doesn’t know. No, a stroke doesn’t explain what’s happened. Neither can any of the doctors here. His best bet, if he really wanted to know, would be a magician like the ones who took his clever doctor, but even if he cared to ask them, he doubts they would be able to do anything to help fix this. What’s done is done and he had to do it. He had to do it. He remembers Blue begging for him to stop. He had to do it.

“You had a stroke,” Trick is whispering, stroking Blue’s hair. “I was so scared.”

scunneredzombie asked: Be careful Trick. Anti is currently pissed as hell hidden under a barely controlled layer of fake-calm. Tread lightly.

Trick curls tighter around Blue’s body, fear flashing across his face. He would call it irrational for Anti to be angry at Blue within minutes of him waking up after days and days of unconsciousness, but he stopped expecting Anti’s anger to be reasonable a long time ago. All he can do is look after Blue.

bupine asked: red and dap are ok, blue. red misses you. i'm sorry we couldn't do anything else for you, but they're ok at least.

Blue’s eyes slide shut. Red and Dapper are okay. Red misses him.

Red abandoned him.

Red misses him. He’s okay. Red and Dapper are okay.

“I can feel you thinking,” teases Trick softly, nuzzling against his hair. “Just rest, Blue. Go back to sleep. It’s going to be alright. I am never, never letting you get hurt again.”

Blue keeps his face buried right there in Trick’s shoulder. Right there in Trick’s hoodie. And, just for a moment, despite everything that’s happened, despite the monster watching over them, he feels absolutely safe.

Or maybe the word he’s looking for is ‘loved,’ but if there’s a difference, he doesn’t care to distinguish.

Anonymous asked: Don't lie Anti. You didn't "have" to do it. You did it out of fear. Our of selfishness. Our of desperation. You nearly killed the only thing that gives you purpose. You nearly killed the only things you can bring yourself to care about. I can tell you feel guilty, but I think that's out of selfishness too.

Anti presses the camera down onto his shoulder, a little clip-on sitting beside him.

He doesn’t look like himself, or like Seamus, or like any of his puppets. Instead, as you watch him adjust, you recognize the face of the young Peruvian magician who protected Blue as the fire burned.

Anti pauses to regard your message coolly, Hermann’s face filled up with contempt and glitching moment to moment, a dark hood pulled over his head.

“I don’t feel guilty,” he says. “And I wouldn’t have killed him. I wouldn’t.”

He shifts and turns towards a small, run-down apartment building with vines growing up over the windows and palm trees swaying outside of it.

“I thought you should see this. Come with me.”

Anonymous asked: It's a good thing you look like a little brat, Anti, because you're acting just like one. Sometimes an i-don't-know is a better answer than a straight up lie. Let the doctors do their jobs, damn.

You see Hermann’s teeth grit in his mouth. “Trickshot belongs to me,” he growls. “I’ll tell him what I want him to know. He’ll believe what I want him to believe. And I don’t care what you think of me. Keep your mouths shut. I will show you fear… I will show you fear in a handful of dust.”

He slips along the edges of the building and then, with a leap, he is climbing up the side of it, approaching a balcony on the second floor, moving as smoothly as Red could, leaping in silence up the old red brick of it.

“Nothing like what happened that night will ever happen to us again. No one takes my pet from me and goes unpunished. If anyone is searching for us, I will pluck out their eyes.”

Anonymous asked: I would like to opt out of this field trip please. There's nothing you can show us that will take back the fact you wanted to kill Marvin out of hate and fear, and Trick out of convenience.

“You can go, no one’s keeping you here… anyway, I think about killing Trick all the time, it’s not a big deal. Something about him is just so small and pathetic. He never had the bite his brothers did, not really. More than the others to lose, I guess. Less useful, too. But he looks so much like… oh, look.”

Anti jerks back from the window, giggling as he hides, and a middle-aged man carrying a large swathe of colorful fabric passes the glass by, singing as he goes.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Anti, can't you see that you've done more harm than good?

“Well, that’s always been so,” mumbles Anti. “Wasn’t exactly created for my acts of charity.”

Slowly, he reaches down to pull the window up, but finds it locked and so hot it burns the ends of his fingers. Hissing, he draws back and pauses outside the balcony, glaring at the lock.

It’s slow. It takes a lot of his concentration. But then, as you watch, the small, pretty green vines clinging to the building answer his call and come to wrap around the lock, again and again and again, until they are so tight that it snaps, and the window comes up, and he slips in beneath him.

The hall is quiet. It’s very early in the morning. Anti stares around him, black eyes cool and flickering. He flips a long and beautiful blade around in his hands.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: For once, can you just keep the insults of your "brothers" to yourself?

“You fuckers brought it up! I don’t really mean to insult him, you know, it’s just… what he is. Dok secretly loves blood so much it makes him ill, Red can’t lie, Trick’s a little more cowardly than his brothers - these are just facts. I know how to work with it so he’s still perfectly useful most of the time. Now, shhh.”

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: Anti what are you doing

“I just wanted to remind you all,” whispers Anti, beginning down the hall. “Who I am and just how useless outside help could ever be to you.”

There is a door with a light on. Inside, you can hear the man singing and circling around the room, sashaying with his fabric.

“You got lucky, contacting those magicians. You got lucky, the little boy noticing Red in the market. You got lucky, me being ill and me needing Blue’s magic, and the magicians being just close enough to take my boy away from me. But I will get Henrik back, and Jackie and Dapper too, and no one is going to help you. You’re here to watch. Watch. You saw the ravens and the condors, congrats. Say hello to the sunbirds. I’m going to make sure they can’t help you ever again.”

He pushes open the door.

spicydanhowell asked: anti who the f u c k did you kidnap

“Kidnap?” says Anti. “Kidnap? No way!”

The man lets out a cry and green powers light up in his hands, but Anti is already throwing himself forward, slamming the man to the ground. He hits the floor with his fabric billowing around him, and now you can see that it is a soft, pretty cloak in vivid sunbird colors. He tries to shout, but Anti has a blade on his jugular already.

“Poor little magician,” he coos, digging Hermann’s hands into his throat and making the man choke. “Just bad luck, puppet, I’m afraid. I would have slaughtered the order in whichever part of the world I went to.”

“You’re the monster,” says the sunbird, trying to push up from beneath his hands, gasping. “The ones the Peruvians warned about. The shape-shifter, the dog-man.”

Anti leans down, close, close, so you can see the dark and lovely eyes of the man, and the fear in his face, and the courage, too, just for a moment.

“Maybe you should have heeded their warning,” says Anti.

He draws back the blade and - well. Perhaps you turn your eyes away.

scunneredzombie asked: Anti wait, killing anyone right now is /such/ a bad idea! You're forced to be in the public eye for now while Blue is in the hospital, doing things like this will only draw in the eyes of the magicians. If you kill or torture people right now, you could get caught by them.

“Magicians live under the radar, they do not report to police or retreat to hospitals. It is just as when I sent Red to kill the librarian and take the book from him. The police found a body without identification or any record of existence, and, from there, the magicians and I both covered the killing up. We both live in the shadows, and that is where this violence will stay. You’re underestimating how well I can cover my tracks.”

Anti gets to his feet, blood sliding down his palms, and he turns back towards the door of the little apartment, and stalks back out into the hall. Magicians, in his experience, are always pack animals.

bupine asked: anti, may i ask if this thing you want to show us involves death? are you going to kill someone? and why are you wearing the face of a magician you hate?

“Oops,” says Anti, licking his blade off. “Should I have warned you?”

Footsteps pause at the end of the hall at the sound of his voice.

“Caleb? Is that you, meh?”

Anti grins coldly. “I like to steal faces,” he says, and then he is Genesis, stalking down the hall and filling it up with laughter.

You see the shadow at the end of the hall pause, and the turn to flee, but not fast enough, not fast enough. “I am nobody’s prop!” Anti is screaming. “Nobody takes things from me! Nobody moves my things and steals my pets! I’m the one in control! Thieves, thieves! You won’t take anything from me ever again! Where is my doctor? Where is my Henrik? Why can’t I fucking find him? Did you kill him, did you take him from me?”

Lights flicker on on the other floors, confused murmuring coming through the vents.

florenceisfalling asked: anti, they're just going to keep hiding henrik further and further away from you like this. you aren't exactly being subtle.

“They don’t have him anyway,” chokes Anti, covering his face with his hands. His throat splits open and begins to weep. “I don’t know where they sent him to but I would know if he was here, I would know. I used to be able to search the whole world in seconds. Now I am being incarnated smaller and smaller every day, and I cannot reach, and I cannot get back to Peru, and I cannot see or hear or feel his heart. The magic demands tangibility.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: This is about Henrik? Goodness, Anti, there's better ways of going about this!!

“I’ll punish them!” Anti shouts. “I’ll kill every fucking magician alive if I have to! I’ll strip you all down to bone! He belongs to me! Vigilante thieves, as bad as Jackie was, trying to take my Dapper away from me! Tonight I shed blood, turn your eyes away if you don’t wish to see.”

He gets to his feet and races down the stairs, wielding the knife, antlers bursting from his skull, coated in red weigela kisses.

badlypostedeverything asked: Then what use is it expending all of your energy killing these magicians?

“The Peruvians warned their brothers and sisters. They could find Trick and Blue and try to take them too. I won’t let them happen. And I won’t give you anyone that you can call upon. Besides, I have to give this anger to someone, I have to do something with this rage, I am being devoured, they stole my Doktor from me.”

bupine asked: OH, you're looking for dok. good luck, dude, even we haven't seen him yet. hope he's ok. maybe if some fuckin dickhead hadn't left him in a fire we'd know he was ok, but hey, things happen.

“It wasn’t burning when I left him! It wasn’t! Don’t say that! I hid him and his twin, I hid them, my weak ones! He didn’t have a chance to defend himself, I’m sure he didn’t, he’s never been good in a fight, I should have left him at home and came back for him…”

bupine asked: "i hid them" yeah, and you did a grand old job of it. well done, man.

“He came down to the river for Blue. He came down to the river for Blue. I told him to stay and be quiet, and he and Trick could have protected each other. It was his fault.”

badlypostedeverything asked: Loving the floral look there. Want a nice ornament to hang off of those antlers? some weedkiller perhaps?

“Fucking weeds,” Anti screams, tearing at his antlers. “I hate the way all of this feels. But I’ll do what I have to, I did what I had to!”

He has found another sunbird and he is tearing them apart. You can hear the wailing beneath him. He fights with all the ferocity he did in the fire on that night when he stole Blue’s magic, but something has changed. His control is better now - despite the fury burning off him, his fire does not spread, plants burst up where he steps, and he glitches just as well as always in the small space of the building, too swift and too swiftly changing to be caught or hit or stopped. The power is eating at him, yes - but he does possess and control it, and every day, the two magics in his chest are melding, molten, into each other more and more.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Trick tried hos damnedest to protect his twin, Anti. Something you've clearly never done

“You don’t know anything about the things we’ve been through,” snarls Anti, dragging himself up with blood dripping from a dog’s mouth. “I may not have loved them the way other beings would, but I have always tried to keep them safe when others came - police, magicians, government, old enemies. I - I have never failed to keep them with me before…”

badlypostedeverything asked: Anti, you've got to give blue back his magic. Otherwise he'll die and your puppet collection will be incomplete. Wouldn't want that would you? There are other ways to keep him in check

“Do you think it’s that simple? Do you think I even know how I would give it back to him? No, it can’t go back, it’s doesn’t just go back. Even if I knew how, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I can hide him now. I can… I have to be able to… this must have been worth it, it must have…”

He lets another body thud to the floor, panting hard. These people are diverse and complex, with stories and lives and families all their own, but it doesn’t matter to Anti and it never has. He and his are all that matters. He and the boy and the things the boy created. That is all that has ever mattered.

Anonymous asked: Are you trying to start a magician war? How exactly is that going to help you?

“I will leave nothing here to be warred with. I am the war and the victor. They will not find Trick and Blue.”

cest-mellow asked: or maybe, you know, if you hadn’t stolen marvin’s magic none of this would be happening. he wouldn’t be dying, YOU wouldn’t be dying, and you’d have all of the brainwashed boys at your side again. but no! no no. greed is such a dangerous thing.

“No, no,” mumbles Anti, rubbing hard at his face, now shifting, constant, between dozens of faces, some you have seen, and some you have not. “No, no.”

Red’s mouth and Blue’s ears. Hermann’s hair and Emmanuela’s hands. The body of a stranger and Jack’s eyes.

bupine asked: so does blue have no magic now? is that why his hair turned white and he won't get better? is he gonna survive without magic? do you even know?

“He will survive. I will not let him go. Yes, he’s empty of it now, his hair is whitening and his eyes cloud over and all the time I feel his hand and find it winter-cold. But he’ll survive, that’s what they told me, that’s what they promised. I will not let him go.”

Meanwhile, death on his hands. There were perhaps six or seven sunbirds in their little building, and they managed only glancing blows in the face of Anti’s power. It is a small country and if there are any more left Anti will track down the rest of them too. The bodies lie around you. You have caught the violence in passing, up-close, swinging around on Anti’s shoulder, so only glimpses mark their passings.

Anti’s head bows low enough you can see the exhaustion on his face. He chokes, suddenly, and bows lower, and blood drizzles down from his lips, thick and viscous, and he grabs at his chest, groaning.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Maybe a little bit of freedom would do them good. A tight hold only encourages them to leave you

“Trick likes to go to get his food at the hawker stands,” mumbles Anti, gripping one of the antlers on his head with both hands. He strains for a second, squeezing tight, tight, tight, and, with both hands, yanking -

The antler snaps off. He screams so loud it echoes and throws it to the ground, and the wail turns into shaky, shrieking laughter.

“Y-yes, every now and then a little freedom. But I can’t… I don’t want… I won’t risk them slipping away from me too… it’s already so quiet all the time, and so cold with the warm buzz of their souls around me…”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Anti, leave them alone!

“Deserved what they got,” Anti is whispering, looking at his hands, his pupils slightly blown. “Deserved what they got. Did what I had to. Always do. Always do.”

Anonymous asked: Regretting it yet, Anti?

Anti leans down and clutches his head in his hands, hiding against himself.

bupine asked: don't overexpend yourself. magic has limits, even for marvin, even for you. if you hurt yourself too badly you won't get back to trick or blue. just go while you can.

Anti coughs and nods slowly, getting to his feet, pale and unsteady, but nevertheless victorious, closing his eyes as his head pounds through the adrenaline of a good kill. He should feel good. This always used to make him feel so good.

“Ungh,” he grumbles, wiping a little blood from his face. “Trick and Blue…”

Anonymous asked: If Chase reminds you of Jack that much, why keep him around at all? And if you were to kill Chase because of his likeness to Jack, why on earth is Jack still alive if he's the one you actually despise?

“Maybe…”

Anti pulls at his hair, closing his eyes tight.

“Maybe I don’t mind being reminded of Jack sometimes. Maybe I wouldn’t mind if he was here with me. Maybe I would like it if he was. Maybe I’m collecting the pieces of him… Maybe he would be dead if I could kill him.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Anti....go back to the others. You can't let this rampage continue.

He finds a sink and begins to wash himself, cleaning the blood from his face and his hands, spitting the last of the mucus and copper into the sink and running cool water through his hair. He shifts slightly and manages to look clean, if a little ill. He stares at himself and Jack’s eyes stare back.

Anti leaves his knife embedded in the mirror and leaves the apartment building, the door swinging open behind him, erasing all security footage within twenty-five kilometers. You’re right. Time to go back.

Anonymous asked: Oh wait, Jack is alive? I thought for sure you got rid of him, I don't know why I assumed that

“Shut up,” mumbles Anti. “We don’t talk about him.”

Anonymous asked: Tell Trick what happened, Anti. Stop lying. You can’t fix it. Tell him the truth. You went too far like you always do and there is no way to fix it. There has never been any way to fix anything. You can’t “fix” Dapper’s mental state, you can’t change Red’s purpose with a fucking collar, you can’t “fix” Trick’s tendencies with isolation. You can’t “fix” Dok’s medical skills by making him take all the blame for your stupid mistakes. You can’t kill Marvin’s spirit but taking away his magic.

Anti shakes his head, slow, slow, worn down by the discussion. “I will fix it,” he tells you, making his voice steady. “I will. And this… this was the first step. I wanted you to remember who I am. I will get the others back. I will. Don’t hope, don’t wonder, don’t even imagine them staying away from me. Soon, they’ll be mine again. And I will find a way to fix… all of it. All of it. And then maybe we can all find some peace for once.”

bupine asked: do you miss jack, then? also, are you ever gonna tell us what happened to him? you don't have to, but we'd like to at least know.

Anti stands at a bus station alone, sitting beneath the little glass cover of it, small and weary on the cold bench.

A soft drizzle of rain is beginning. It patters against the glass.

“Maybe you’re not the only one who’d like to know.”

He reaches up and turns you off.

----------

Anonymous asked: Awright magicians, you gotta turn that camera on eventually. We've got info on the demon, you have info on our BOY! Let's trade, hm?

It is also raining in Peru.

You can hear it on the roof of this little, white-brick building in which you find yourself. You can see it in the frizz of the hair of the girl who is holding you. You could smell it, if you were there beside her - petrichor and a dozen aromas of shared, clean, healthy magic.

“Hi,” says Nina, staring down at you, and a moment later Hermann stands beside her, his hand on her shoulder. “We really didn’t want to do this, but we could use your help with a little emergency.”

If you listen, you can hear Doktor screaming.

scunneredzombie asked: Magicians, please don't hurt Doktor. He's been through so much. But, as glad as I am that you have him away from the demon, he probably won't ever cooperate with you unless you manage to get his brother Trickshot as well. Also, turn the camera off as quick as you can, only ask us sparse questions, the demon can track where the cameras are, and he will show up and attack if you keep the signal up for too long.

“You are right about the cooperating,” mumbles Hermann, chewing on the nail of his thumb, glancing up and then back down at you, up and then back down.

“Hermann,” says Nina smoothly, adjusting her grip on you, her clear black eyes fixed on your lens. She speaks English much more clearly than he does. “Stop being so nervous. He’s just fine. Thank you for your information. I’ll make a note of all that you say. I’m curious as to who you are and why you’re here, but we’ll discuss it at another time. As for the creature tracking him here or watching our signals, there’s no need to be concerned. This place is very safe. Wardings and spells will keep outside eyes from peering in. We had an intimate encounter with the creature’s power and his technical manipulation, at least, will not be able to invade this place.”

In the distance, Henrik’s scream rises in pitch and you distinguish his words.

“No, no, don’t touch me! Stop, leave me alone, no! Give me back to my brothers! Give me back to my master!”

Footsteps come down the hall towards them and Nina and Hermann look up. You hear Genesis murmur something, and then Hermann is darting away to speak with her, the two of them chattering in Spanish as Henrik continues to cry out.

Nina lets out a short, irritated sigh through her nose.

“My name is Nina Vasquez. I’m a healer with the Peruvian Order of the Raven. And I refuse to sedate your little friend for the fourth time this week. He is beginning to make himself very ill. Please help us calm him down.”

Anonymous asked: Hey magicians? The sunbirds just got slaughtered, and if there are any left, they are being hunted down.

Nina’s face darkens with alarm. She stares down at the cold stone floor for a second, sorrow flashing across her face.

“Nina, what is it?” asks Genesis in Spanish.

“Never mind,” answers Nina softly, clearing her visage. “We’ll discuss it with Emmanuela later. It’s… it’s already done.”

She puts a hand on her pregnant stomach, nodding slowly at you.

cest-mellow asked: give the camera to doktor so we can talk to him and help calm him down

Nina glances up at the others one more time. “We’re sure this is a good idea?”

“Yes,” say Genesis and Hermann at the same time.

“The cameras helped me to convince the puppet magician to cast his power so you could all find me before I was to be killed,” says Genesis. “And told the gunman not to shoot me either.”

“And they help me find the magician when he was injured in the water,” adds Hermann.

“Without them, we would not have been possible to find the twin snipers and bring this one home in the first place.”

Nina lets out a low sigh and holds out the camera.

“Hello again, camera elves,” says Genesis fondly, taking you from her hands, and then the two of them are darting back down the hall together. Hermann limps, but he’s healthy enough to run, and the cuts on Genesis’s skin have faded a great deal since you saw her last.

They bring you to the door of a small room with an open window high up on the wall to let the breeze in. Another raven magician is sitting in his wheelchair at the entrance, his hands out-stretched soothingly, and Hermann’s ice coats most of the door, leaving only a small gap for you to see Doktor, huddled against the wall in the back corner, his face bright red and his body shaking, covering his eyes with his hands.

“Stay away from me, stay away!” he shrieks, writhing against the wall until his head strikes it, once, twice. “Give me back to my master, let me go! Let me go, let me go!”

“Sh, sh,” pleads the other magician. “Sh, no one is hurting you.”

“Look out, JP, we got something for him,” says Genesis, coming up beside him to hold the camera out. “Hey, amigo, come here, it is your friends. Hey, hey, no need for the yelling so loud. All okay, yes.”

Doktor isn’t listening. He thuds his head back against the wall, clutching at his shoulders, his eyes squeezed shut.

“Medico,” says Hermann gently. “Medico, it’s your master’s camera.”

Doktor pauses and opens one frightened eye.

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: Hey you magicians have like a bunch of wards on the place right cause if not then your gonna have a lot of problems really soon

“This place is extraordinarily secure from that creature,” says JP. “Our encounter with the monster was… was… horrible… and we’ve lost friends to it. We’ve lost many friends to it and I wish it did not have to be like it is, but the silver lining is a better understanding of that thing. It won’t be able to track or hack into this camera-messaging system it set up. It will be very difficult for it to find this place by any other means. And as we speak, the Old Man is continuing his research.”

“Our librarian,” says Hermann.

“We have the biggest collection of magical research and books in South America,” adds Genesis. “In case any of you are fucking nerds.”

“The monster is nothing normal, nothing we’ve seen before, not even classifiable as a demon in the technical term. But we’re working on discovering what it is. What matters now, my friends, is that not a word of this gets back to the monster. Do you understand?”

JP’s eyes entreat you. The light reflects gold off the deep blackness of his skin and his eyes swallow up all light. His face is round and kind and open.

“Don’t tell it you saw this man. Don’t tell it we have him. Don’t tell it you even know he is alive. Say nothing. Yes? Say nothing.”

“No,” screams Doktor, grasping for you. “No, tell Anti I’m here, tell Anti to come get me! Please, I don’t want to be a prisoner, let me go back to my brothers! Tell master I’m here in Peru!”

cest-mellow asked: dok, it’s us, are you doing okay? you need to calm down buddy, you’re gonna hurt yourself.

Dok grabs you and pulls you close to him, darting back into his corner beside a clean, unused bed, hiding against the board of it. His teeth are chattering in his mouth, but sweat beads and drips down his pale cheeks.

“Anti is going to be so angry with me,” he chants in a low shaking monotone, his pupils blown, staring slightly to the side of you. “Anti’s going to be so angry, Anti’s going to be so angry, Anti’s going to hurt Trick for letting me go, I’m in trouble, I want to go home, I’m afraid, I’m afraid.”

hollenka99 asked: Dok? Can you hear us? What's going on?

“I was with Trick, I was in the field with Trick, and they were going to take him, they were going to take him away from me. And I told them not to and then she grabbed me! The girl grabbed me, she grabbed me, and then I was here, and then there were hands holding me down, everyone grabbed at me, and they drugged me and locked me away!”

He lets out a cry of despair, gripping at his shoulder, shoving himself back against the wall. “They want to touch me, they want to look into my head, they’re going to make me think things that aren’t true! They won’t let me go! They think Anti is a monster, they’re hunting him, and Blue was ill, and I can’t - I need to be - I want to go home, let me out, let me out, let me go, no, no, no!”

cest-mellow asked: dok, anti isnt mad, hes just worried for you, everything is okay. trick is doing just fine, red and dapper and blue are getting by alright as well. take some deep breaths, focus on your breathing. everything is gonna be okay! we’re here with you now, you’re not alone

Doktor sniffles for a moment, rubbing at his salt-soaked face. He’d usually be embarrassed to let you see him like this - hell, he’d usually be hiding in a nest Trick made for him, curled up with Trick pretending he didn’t even notice, just nudging Noodle gently over to comfort him and guarding the window from everything that might come to hurt them, maybe rubbing Doktor’s shoulder when his cries went from silent to sobbing, and Doktor would cry himself exhausted and then fall asleep to the sound of his twin’s breathing -

Dok covers his face with his hands again, hiccuping as tears come sliding down his cheeks again.

“He’s just fine? Anti is not hurting him? He is not wanting to die? Anti’s not - Anti’s worried about me? Me?”

Anonymous asked: DOK!! We missed you! You're not hurt or anything, right? And before you ask, Trick is safe. Everyone is about as well as they can be, given the separation.

Doktor curls his hands tight around you, hiccuping on sobs. “I missed you too, I did, I missed everyone. You will tell Anti where I am, won’t you? And he’ll come get me and even if he’s mad at least he’ll take me home and give me back to Trick. Oh, I really want that, I know you’ll tell him for me.”

He wipes at his face, breathing out a shuddering sigh.

“H-hurt, no, no, no, don’t let them tell you I’m hurt, they’re liars! The healer girl says ‘oh, you’re not well, he treats you badly, where are all these cuts from and why do you have worms?’ But she’s just a liar, they’re just lying magician wannabes, they’re not like my Anti and my Blue, don’t listen to them. No, not hurt, I’m good, I’m well, nobody is being bad to me, Anti has not made me ill or injured or sick in the head. They’re liars, they lie, they stole me to hurt Anti, maybe soon they will kill me…”

cest-mellow asked: yes, dok, trick is doing just fine. he’s got noodle, and a nice warm place to sleep in and anti is doing his best to take care of him. theyre worried about you. have you gotten any sleep while you’ve been here?

“The girl keeps making me sleep!” sobs Doktor, grabbing you to his chest. “She puts needles in me, she tries to feed me things! Not even a real doctor! Stupid ‘magic’ doctor! This is stupid! I can take care of myself! I’m okay! She drugs me! Don’t let her come near me, no, no, no, please, I’m afraid of the needles and the way they all look at me, like I am little lost sheep, like I am broken toy. Not like Trick looks at me, like I am his and belong just right and everything is okay with us. No, I will make sure they know Anti taught me to hurt even though I am his worst fighter, they try and come near me and I bite.”

scunneredzombie asked: Doktor... Anti hurt you. He cuts you and tortures you. And you have worms too? Buddy... Listen to the healer. Let her help you. Please. What would any of this be for if you die before ever getting to see Trick again? Let yourself be healed, or you risk never seeing your family again.

“No, no, no!” screeches Doktor, dropping you to the ground and tearing at his throat as JP lets out a warning cry from the doorway. “No, no, Anti loves me, Anti is not bad, not true, not true! Master, come get me! Trick, Trick, why won’t you come save me, I know you love me, Trick is not bad to me, no one is torturing me, Anti is not a monster! Make this stop! Make this stop! Make this stop!”

Genesis is leaping into the room, and she comes to kneel beside him and tries to pin him down as gently as she can, but he’s thrashing wildly, and when his head begins to hit the wall and the end of the bed again, Hermann drops the ice and comes to hold Doktor’s head in his hands, barely avoiding getting his fingers bit.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Anti hates it when other people touch me! Dirty, useless! Stupid fucking monsters! You stole me from my family! You stole me! I’m glad Anti killed that man who grabbed my Trick, I’m glad Red killed your boy with the book! Fuck you, fuck you!”

“Don’t say that!” cries Genesis, her fury ignited, and Hermann murmurs her name, low and soothing. “You’re sick, you know that? That horrible thing is in your head. You’re so sick you can’t even tell that you are sick. What a horrible curse for a medico. You should be careful, you know. Not everyone is so convinced that you are not as evil as your master, you poor fucking bastard. Oh, please, you suffering idiot, stop, stop clawing at yourself like that!”

Anonymous asked: Anti won't hurt you or Trick, Dok, everything will be okay. Just let the magicians help you for now, alright? Let them see what's going on. The more you work with them, the sooner you'll see Trick and the others. Nothing is your fault. It's all okay. You need to calm yourself, you're hurting your head.

“No, no, please,” moans Doktor, trying to hide from Genesis and Hermann as JP rolls slowly into the room. “Don’t hurt me, afraid, afraid. I’ll bite you, I’ll kill you! Anti will be so angry, Anti will… mmhhh.”

“He’s so tired,” whispers Hermann, stroking Dok’s hair and making him jolt and hiss, baring his teeth. “Nina says he will just keep fighting and fighting and fighting til he dies if something doesn’t change. Emmanuela thinks the demon made it so that it is horrible, in his head, to be taken away from it. The hypnosis is very complex, she says. She’s good at that stuff. She says he doesn’t even know how to believe it is a bad demon anymore, because it entangled itself into everything he knows to be true. Entangled itself into everybody he loves. So he can’t lose the demon without the whole system falling apart. Without his whole life falling apart, and all his beliefs, and everything he’s ever been through becoming a horrible nightmare.”

“Already a horrible nightmare,” mumbles Genesis, pushing his wrists against his heart. “The horrible part would be for him to recognize it. Imagine looking back on all you remember and realizing all of it was torture, torture from somebody who forced you to love them. Hard to blame him for refusing to listen. But this cannot be going on and on.”

scunneredzombie asked: Doktor, it's so good to know you're safe. Everything will be okay. Trickshot is somewhere safe, he's doing okay. Trust me when I say that /you/ are safe too. These magicians want to help. Let them help you, Doktor. Talk to them. I'm betting the more you cooperate, the sooner you'll be back with your family.

“Trickshot is safe,” whimpers Dok, curling in on himself like a porcupine, holding himself. He’s wearing an over-sized t-shirt and running shorts, neither of which you recognize as his. “Trickshot is safe. I want to be with him. I want to be with him. I want to be with him.”

hollenka99 asked: Don't worry about Blue for the moment. I promise he's being taken good care of. Anti and Trick are keeping him safe. You know they would never let anything bad happen to you or your brothers, if they can help it. For now, co-operate with the people around you. If they prove to be an active threat, then by all means fight them in self defense. But don't wear yourself out too quickly. It may be a while before Anti can work out where you are, let alone reach you.

“And Blue’s okay!” cries Dok, a little relief soothing him under Genesis’s hands, his eyes managing to fix on you again. “Oh, oh, Blue is well, and Trick is protecting him… oh, the cameras would not lie to me.”

He pauses, mulling over the rest of your message. His eyes dart up to the magicians and then away again, hard and cold.

“We’ll let you go if you stop the thrashing,” says Genesis. Slowly, her hands pull away.

“There you go,” soothes Hermann, patting Dok’s cheek one more time. “There you go. Yes? Okay, amigo?”

Doktor says nothing, swallowing hard and staring at the wall, holding you like a stuffy. Genesis and Hermann glance at him, at you, and at each other, and then get up and go back to the door to give him some space with you again.

Maybe you’re right. He shouldn’t wear himself out too quickly. He doesn’t mean to - well, maybe some of it, he means to.

“I’m just - I’m just scared,” he admits, his voice trembling. “V-very scared. I can’t be here… I can’t… I can’t believe any of this is real… too bizarre, too scary. Why did Anti let them catch up to us? Why… why did he do that to Blue? I trusted him and he… he…”

Doktor closes his eyes and clears his throat, beginning to shake again, hard. “He just made a mistake, though… he just made a… you’ll tell him where I am, I know you will, and then we can all go home…”

scunneredzombie asked: Doktor, can you do something for me? If you can come down to us for just a moment, pretend the magicians don't exist, can you list for me 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you can taste? Focus on calming, buddy, everything will be okay. Anti isn't "bad" necessarily, that isn't what I was meaning. But he did cut you. And as a doctor, a wonderful doctor, you should know that wounds need treatment.

Dok tries to shake himself out of his haze. Tries to look at you. Tries to concentrate. He’s played games like this before. Trick plays them with him, he plays them with Trick. Fuck, he wishes his twin were here to lie beside him or rub his shoulder or guard over him as he slept. Or that Blue would come and stroke his hair and tell him he’s doing so well, tell him he’s so clever and talented and he loves him so much. Dapper could come curl up around his stomach or get him some food and water he could actually trust. Even Red… even Red would guard him. Red’s not always kind, but Red is a part of Dok’s world, and the way he acts makes sense, fits in his schema, reinforces all the things he knows to be true. He knows, he knows.

“I’m sorry, I’m sure you didn’t mean anything, I’m sorry, I can’t calm down at all,” chokes Dok.

But no, no, he can try, he can play these games, he knows how.

“I can see… the open window with all the light coming in. And the door with the ice on it. A little bed with nice white sheets, all the food I knocked over, a camera I like. Everything is blurry. I have broken my glasses. The nice glasses Anti bought me. I broke them and they took them away from me so I don’t even have the shattered ones. Red will kill me. He will have to buy me new ones. No, he will just make me wear contacts… I hate that.”

He holds onto himself, rubbing at his face.

“I can feel this stranger’s shirt. It is soft, though. And the cold stone against me. And the wood of the bed against my skull. I can feel… my head hurting. It protests at me. I want Trick to come and look after me. He fusses over me… Blue will fuss over me… maybe even Anti will, oh…

“I can hear birds through the window. Very sweet birds singing. And there’s often chattering coming by. Nobody chatters at home. We speak so quietly or so loudly, in private or for everyone to hear. Here, they just chatter, they just chatter about anything. There is rarely any urgency. I can hear the little beep-beep-beep of your messages.

“I smell flowers, lots of them. I saw a garden. Right in the middle of the building, a garden, blooming. Tropical flowers and trees. Blue would like it. I smell dust. No one has used this room in a long time.”

He is beginning to come down from the worst of it. His eyes blink slowly as he lies slumped against the bed, and you think that, perhaps, he is even a little sleepy. He has been fighting for days and days and days.

“I taste… chalky medicine. They are trying to give me so many different things. I keep trying to tell them I’m not sick. They don’t listen. I know Anti will not like it. Anti says only he and I make decisions about medicine. No one else chooses what’s in his pets… I am a good pet, I am… tell him I’m being good, I’m being so good, I’m a good boy.”

He holds his knees to his chest, his eyes drifting.

hollenka99 asked: Please don't be scared, Dok. We've finally managed to reach you and we'll be here for you as much as we are able. It's not much to help your situation, I know, but I hope it can be enough for now.

“You… you are always there when we have called on you. Thank you, yes, oh. It’s enough, it’s going to have to be enough.”

His eyes well again, but less painfully now. He even manages a small, strained smile at you. “I confess you are a comfort to me. I have spoken to no one, no one. It will be enough, it must be. I hope this will lead my brothers to me soon, yes? Yes, and I will go home. And this can stop. It must, it must, it must.”

Another voice joins the murmurs in the doorway.

“If I could just get him to settle down for a real examination…”

“Or at least just eat something!”

“This cannot go on. He makes himself more ill every day.”

“Emmanuela can’t begin helping him with his head while he refuses every sort of help. She has no place to start. Not the slightest trust or understanding of what’s happened to him.”

Doktor hides you jealously against himself.

Anonymous asked: Dok, try to stay calm. I know it's scary and strange but they won't hurt you, we wouldn't lie to you. Try to cooperate okay? Then you don't have to be sedated and you can stay awake. You trust us right?

“Okay,” says Doktor shakily, pushing limp hair from his eyes. “Okay, I can stay calm, I’m okay.”

“Is there anything we can get you?” asks Hermann in his heavy accent and his soft voice, giving him space from the other side of the room. But Dok just jolts and clutches you to himself, turning down his eyes and huddling in on himself, a porcupine.

“Think I can get the connection up on my computer too,” mumbles JP, rocking back on his wheels to grab his bag off the side and pull his laptop out. “We can all chat if we need to. But maybe he needs some quiet time now, I don’t know.”

“Here’s my question,” Nina puts in, peering down at his computer, her hand on his shoulder. “What do we call him? He won’t tell us his name. Genesis says the monster calls him doctor, but I’d rather have something real for him.”

Doktor whimpers with fear, squeezing you tight in his hands, his face going red. No, no, his name belongs to Anti and his twin and no one else! Henrik is a secret, even he isn’t supposed to know it!

immabethehero asked: His real name is Henrik von Schneeplestein, but I don't believe he will respond to that well. Antisepticeye said it was a "forbbiden" name

“Ah,” says Hermann. “Well, maybe that’s good, I can’t pronounce that anyway. Oh, you did get the connection up, JP, I can see them. Hello!”

“I think Medico is sweet,” says Genesis.

“It’s not a name,” says Nina. “It’s just doctor again. And I don’t want him to have to be just the monster’s doctor. He needs to have a chance to be himself again.”

sophiness asked: Goddamn when Red and Dapper get back to Anti he better fucking reward Red with something!! He's trying so hard, he deserves it!

You are set on the quiet bedside drawer of a worn-out motel room. From your angle, you can make out a body buried under bedsheets, and, on the floor in a dark huddle, Red rocking back and forth in his sleep, mumbling.

In fact, it doesn’t take long before the rocking turns to writhing, and the writhing turns to thrashing, and the thrashing turns to screaming, and then Red is awake, hollering, tearing at his arms.

“Didn’t mean to, didn’t mean to! No, no! Didn’t - ”

Regaining awareness cuts him off shortly; he blinks and forces himself to shut up, staring straight ahead. He tries to swallow off the heavy panting immediately, cursing himself for his noise and his weakness and his nightmares. He needs to be quiet. He shoves himself to his feet and staggers to the bathroom, refusing to let you look at him until he feels in control again.

And so it is almost forty-five minutes before he comes back out again, and pads over to you, and glances at your messages.

“Sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry, I’m so loud. Oh, thank you. Ha, yeah, I am trying hard, I am… not very good at any of this but I’m trying. Thank you, yeah.”

Dapper shifts slightly in the bed beside him, but Red doesn’t notice.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: What are you guys trying to connect to?

“You,” laughs Hermann, tapping the screen of JP’s computer.

“The communication system connected to the cameras is replicable,” says JP. “I just made sure it’s secure and booted it up. It’s not even really a complex program, though I’m curious about some parts of it… anyway, now you can see us from my computer camera, right?”

You can drag the image in the program to sit beneath the one from Doktor’s camera, so you have a screen for him and a screen for the magicians.

Anonymous asked: Try calling him Jack. It doesn't mean anything to him but it should. Maybe that will help his old self start to break through a little? Dr. Jack might be an okay transition.

“Jack, huh? Maybe we could try that. If we need a name really badly we will use that one. What do you think, Medico? Are you a Jack?”

Dok’s eyes flicker up to them and then away again.

Anonymous asked: if you'd like to give him the chance to be himself, why not ask him to choose something to be called?

“I like that,” says JP.

“They’re right, actually,” agrees Hermann.

Nina glances over at the figure huddled in the corner of the room.

“Hey, do you hear them? Maybe in the next couple days you can choose something you want us to call you, okay? We’re not going to call you just doctor.”

“That’s my name,” rasps Dok, pulling at his hair, and they all startle a little. He doesn’t usually respond, not to anything. “That’s my name, it’s the only name that matters.”

Nina crosses her arms over her chest. “We won’t call you it anymore. Do whatever you want. You choose who you get to be. But you better choose carefully, ‘doctor,’ cause I’m not sure I like who you are right now.”

And she is turning to go, leaving her friends behind her.

JP chews on his lip, watching her leave. Genesis and Hermann exchange glances.

“Anything you need, medico,” calls Hermann gently, trying to smile at him. “We give you a little space for the now, yeah? I will guard out here in the hall. You two have other things you can be doing. No need to be all of us watch.”

bupine asked: hey dok, hen, whoever you are. you don't have to be afraid. you know us, you know we've not steered you wrong, we've always been kind to you and tried to protect you from anti. we care about you. trust us when we say that these magicians mean you no harm. did you know blue used to be one of them? and you know he would never harm you. trust us, ok?

Dok softens, blinking.

“What - Blue, someone like them?”

He glances at the door, closed now, with Hermann sitting outside of it. Dok taps his fingers on the floor.

“You are all good. Blue is good. Blue is always good and very nice. But maybe he was not before he was Anti’s? Maybe Anti made him nice? But I remember when he came to us and he was very afraid, but he was still nice to us, and bandaged Red, and helped Trick keep me safe.”

He pauses, chewing on his lip.

“Maybe magicians can be nice. But these ones are horrible and they stole me. I want to go home. Is Anti nearby to come get me today?”

bupine asked: anti isn't nearby, i'm afraid. anti's been experiencing... difficulties, since he stole your brother's magic. they're all ok, though. but anti can't find you.

Dok stares at you, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, and then retreating again. For a long time, he is silent.

“Well, then,” he whispers finally, his eyes glassy. “I will just have to escape on my own.”

Anonymous asked: Hey Magicians? Dok’s going to try to escape. I think he might pull a ‘Gain their trust first, then run’ tactic.

“Oh, dear,” sighs Hermann, and blesses himself, touching the small gemstone necklace on his breast. “I’m going to text Emmanuela. But hey, it would be good if he at least made an attempt at ‘gain their trust,’ so we could at least look after him. I do not want for him to go back to the demon, but if he does he should at least have a couple weeks of food and sleep and medicine and safety.”

Anonymous asked: You know what, Dok? Red and Dapper are separated as well and are probably closer to you than anyone else. Maybe try finding them first when you get out? They could really really use some medical help

“Oh, yes. Yes, then I could be with the others, and Red would tell me what to do so I don’t have to worry about if I’m making Anti happy or not! If I do what Red says, I won’t be in trouble. He will slap me around a little but Anti won’t! And I can look after Dapper! Yes, yes, that’s perfect, that’s wonderful news.”

hollenka99 asked: Not tonight, sorry. He's not close enough to get there that quickly anymore. I'm sure he'll come for you as soon as he knows where exactly you are. Do you know how far from the forest they've taken you? Either way, I bet it will be a few days tops.

Doktor rubs at his face. “I think we are back in a city, maybe still Lima. I can hear the cars sometimes, far away. But inside this place is very quiet. I don’t know anything about where I am or what this place is.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Dok, maybe the magicians can be of help to you. Maybe the better you behave, they'll be willing to talk to you about where they might think Anti is? He isn't in Peru anymore.

Doktor pauses, considering, scratching at his beard. “Maybe they know…”

hollenka99 asked: Doktor, buddy, I don't think escaping is a good idea. You will eventually get yourself lost and then how will Anti find you? He may be far away but he's going to find you soon. All he needs is a little time.

Dok tilts his head back and forth, frowning. His face is worn and very tired. Even he doesn’t know why he isn’t letting himself sleep anymore.

“I guess maybe I could just wait… I don’t know… they haven’t hurt me yet. Some of them do not like me, though. But they still do not hurt me.”

florenceisfalling asked: dok, you trust us, right? if you trust us, you'll trust them. please.

Dok stares at the floor and then up at you again, mouth pursed.

“I… I don’t know…”

His eyes water and he grits his teeth, closing his eyes. “Maybe this is just a test Anti set for me, and so far, I’m failing.”

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: Anti had to flee the country with blue and trick. Tricks alright he misses you a lot um blue I'm pretty sure hes still dying but it's ok cause he woke up so that's a plus also noodle is good as well

“Blue is dying?” gasps Dok, and suddenly he is on his feet, though a wave of dizziness sends him crashing back down again. “Blue is - Blue - I have to go, I have to, no, no, no, please, please, please. I have to be there, who is looking after him! Anti needs me, Blue needs me, I want to see him, I want to see my big brother before he dies! My big brother looks after me, I need to be with him, I - ”

He stares at the door and clenches his fists, breathing hard, but even as he says it, he knows he is too weak to run away tonight, too sick and scared and tired and powerless, the weakest fighter in his family, nothing more than Anti’s Doktor, and now he can’t even be there to be what he’s supposed to be. The one thing he’s supposed to be. The defeat of it is cutting holes in his chest and he begins to cry, loud and earnest, wishing Trick and Blue would come to hold him. Fuck, he’s so tired. He staggers to his feet and lets himself crawl onto the mattress and drags the covers in tight around him, hiding under the blankets with you somewhere beside him, sparing you the sight of his face as he weeps.

cest-mellow asked: it’s not a test, dok. they’re trying to help you, trying to keep you safe. they haven’t hurt you, have they? just work with them. let them help.

“No, they haven’t hurt me,” he cries, trying to work with you, trying to hold himself together. “No, no, not hurting me, you’re right, I know, I just want to go home. I’m being stupid but that’s what I want, that’s what I want.”

bupine asked: henrik. please, please don't try to escape. you're a wanted criminal, remember? for all the terrible stuff anti's forced you to do? these magicians WILL keep you safe. we can promise it. you're safe here, ok? you're safe. you're safe and ok and being away from anti is what's best for you right now. we don't know where anti is anyway, but we know it's far away from here. you won't find them. please just stay here, at least for a little while, before trying anything.

“You promise,” he sobs out. “You promise, you promised. I’m going to remember that, okay? You promise me, they’re not going to hurt me. I’m trying to trust you, I am, I’m trying, you promise.”

spicydanhowell asked: dok, baby, no. he won't die. i promise. he's in the hospital and he's being taken care of. the staff won't even let him go home because they can tell how abused trick and blue have been. he's just very weak from losing his magic, and his eyes are damaged. maybe you should tell hermann that. maybe we can at least find out from the magicians what blue needs to heal.

Doktor shudders and pulls you a little closer, blinking at you. The redness in the whites of his eyes makes his irises extraordinarily blue; you could mistake him for his big brother casting magic.

“Won’t die?”

He snuffles and rubs at his weary nose, feeling weepy and pathetic, trying to straighten out again. “Oh, but he is ill. M-maybe I should tell someone…”

bupine asked: hey, magicians. can you promise not to hurt henrik? we've promised him you won't hurt him and if you do, he won't trust us anymore. and it's super important that he trusts us because we're the only people who can save him and his brothers, the only people who remember who he was before anti. please promise not to hurt him? also, but can any of you find any record of marvin (blue) in any records or anything? we know he was with you, and maybe proving it to henrik will help him trust you better

Hermann presses his hands over his heart, holding you on his lap. Something overwhelms his eyes.

For a moment, he can’t even speak, just opens and closes his mouth, and opens and closes his eyes, and tries to keep himself together, tries to express what he needs to express. He lets out a long, low sigh, and closes his eyes.

“How could we hurt him? How could we… how to explain?”

He stares off into the distance.

“When I first saw him, he was buying Christmas presents with you, do you remember?

“He was so thin and dirty and his clothes were all ragged. A little white man in the middle of the market, murmuring to his camera. He cried over a music box… a music box for his brother, sick back home. I didn’t think he seemed well at all. I followed him. I do not know, my friends… sometimes you can just see it that people need help. Do you think so? Or am I just being silly?”

He runs his fingers across his necklace morosely.

“I thought the red brother was the one making his life so hard. He gave orders, put his hands on the small of his back and sent him from place to place, and when they were together I could feel this great darkness inside of all of them. And then, when he noticed me, when he saw me on the bus, I felt it - I felt that he wanted to hurt me. I felt that he wanted to kill me. So we fought and I hurt him and he hurt me. But then when I won…”

Hermann groans, shaking his head, laughing at his own inability to express it, laughing at the tears in his own eyes.

“He was so scared. And you told me there was someone else, someone else who was hurting him. All three of them. And then all five of them. And they were nice, you said, you promised Genesis. They were good and kind and they loved each other. And the horrible power that it must have taken to beat so much hatred and violence and anger into that red man’s head… the hurt it must have taken, the control, the darkness… to make them all believe that they have to live this way, that this is alright…”

He shakes his head slowly and turns away from you.

“And then I held that man in my arms as he was dying in the water of the river as the forest burned.”

His voice is very soft. His voice has carried worlds upon it.

“No. I will not hurt him. We will not hurt him. We will not let any hurt come to him if we can help it. I swear. I want to see him well and happy. Or at least weeping over music boxes, si? Because that man, who was crying in the marketplace - that was the man who is still drawing breath beneath the great weight of the darkness. I would do anything for that person. I owe him that much. I could not save the others.”

Anonymous asked: It would be very good to ask the magicians, Dok. We don’t know what’s happening to Blue, and we can figure out from them.

Dok clutches at his shoulders, staring at the door.

“Maybe…”

He is afraid and very sleepy.

cest-mellow asked: why don’t you just let these magicians help you for a while, dok? let them feed you and keep you warm, otherwise you’re actually gonna get sick and weak, and if anti comes to get you and you can’t walk because you’re so exhausted and starving, it’ll be a mess. they won’t hurt you. if trick were here with you, would he want you to eat? sleep? be warm and feel safe? all of those things will come if you cooperate. you’ll see them all again soon. you’ll see trick soon. cooperate just for now

Hell, but he does want that. He does want someone to help him. He wants someone to feed him three hot meals a day and give him so many blankets he could drown in them and a real bed to sleep on like this one. He wants a nice safe friendly doctor to listen to his heart and check on all his old wounds and prescribe him something for the pain and the weakness and the malnutrition. He wants to sleep and then wake up and do what he chooses to do and then sleep some more, cozy and scheduled, eight or nine or maybe twelve hours a night, just to make up for time lost. He wants to admit to himself that he wants that.

He’s not sure he’s ready to do that, but there is one thing he can admit.

“Yeah, Trick would want that,” he mumbles.

When you can’t care for yourself, your twin cares for you.

“Trick wouldn’t want me to be so unwell when I could be eating… probably he is hungry and he would want me to eat, so at least one of us could be okay… Trick would want me to be okay.”

Slowly, he pushes the blankets off him, watching Hermann’s feet, still beneath the cracks of the door.

“Maybe I can try to cooperate just a little.”

For your sake. Maybe. Maybe he will even get some sleep tonight, holding you to his chest.

Maybe no one here will hurt him after all.

End Section Two of Chapter Three: Lost