#highly recommend if you feel the way I do

[hvllevator]

juno [hong joshua]

MDNI, 18+

SUMMARY | one of me is cute, but two though? give it to me baby

PAIRING | nonidol/fiance!joshua x afab!reader

CONTENT | unprotected sex (pls stay safe), fingering, few degrading names, breeding, mentions of pregnancy, just smut in general lol. lowercase intended

WORDS | 2.6k

A/N | inspired by juno by sabrina carpenter, highly recommend listening to it while reading. have fun babes!

joshua was perfect. it was no surprise that when he asked you to marry him, you said yes with no hesitation. even after four years of dating, he knew how to keep you off your feet, he knew how to love you right, and he knew how to fuck you right.

even out of your past relationships, no one knew how to make you feel good as much as joshua did. which is why you couldn’t help but stare at him as he took group pictures with his friends.

you were at a bar with his friends to celebrate seungcheol’s birthday. joshua was wearing a white button-up with the sleeves tucked up to his arms, which you couldn't help but go insane at. you don't know what it is, he has looked the same as he pretty much has all the four years you have known him, but somehow he looked even hotter than you could ever imagine. before leaving the apartment, you were already in a needy mood from watching your fiance prepare for this party. he was trying on different shirts in front of you and was asking for your opinions on them, even though you’d rather he just take them off.

you were pulled out of your thoughts when you spotted joshua walking towards you with a sweet grin on his face. you reciprocated his smile, his hand reaching your waist once he was near you.

“hi, beautiful.” joshua kissed you on the forehead, which sent sparks all over your body. “enjoying yourself?” his thumb rubbed circles on your waist, a small habit he found himself doing a lot once his hands were near your body. you already were in a dizzy state from the mere sight of him, him touching you in any way made you feel like your body was on fire. maybe you were ovulating?

cheeks flushed, you hummed in response, putting your drink down on the bar and admiring his slicked-back hair with strands falling off on the side. this was one of your top five favorite looks of him. he looked so sexy tonight, even with the dim lights of the club, you could make out the way his lips looked so plump and kissable, you couldn’t wait to just kiss the fuck out of him when the two of you are finally in private.

“y/n! joshua!” a distant voice called out, leaning your head towards the voice, you saw a very drunk seungcheol making his way towards the both of you, a small gift bag in hand. Halting in front of you, a cheeky smile on his face. “here’s a little thank you for coming to my party tonight, " he said, handing you the bag, a confused look on your face, glancing over joshua, who just shrugged at you. you took the bag from his hand, peeking over the top to see the contents inside.

pink fluffy handcuffs. that’s what was inside the gift bag. you couldn’t help but laugh at the silly gift. “really, cheol?” handing joshua the bag so he could check it out for himself.

“i want all my guests to have a fun afterparty!” he said, wrapping his arms around joshua’s shoulder. as much as the gift was indeed silly, you couldn’t help but imagine joshua using them on you in bed as if you weren’t already craving for him.

joshua smirked, eyes facing you. as if he could read your mind, he leaned in your ear. “can’t wait to try them out tonight.” making your stomach flip.

-

the entire ride home, joshua was teasing the hell out of you. his hand on your thigh while the other was on the steering wheel, sliding it down dangerously near your cunt. the little shit knew what he was doing, complementing you the entire time, telling you how your ass looked great in your red dress. he even mentioned the stupid pink handcuffs, asking if you were down to use it. you were more than down, of course, it wasn’t the first time you and joshua were going to incorporate toys into your sex life. but you couldn’t wait for the ride to end because you were so fucking horny, and he was all to blame.

you barely made it past your apartment door, and your lips were already attached to your irritatingly handsome fiance. he reciprocated your hunger, his hands roaming all over your body, pushing your coat off of your shoulders before settling his arms around your waist and pulling you close to him.

“what got you so worked up, princess?” he whispered, flipping you around so your back was against the door. your hands reached up to unbutton his shirt, his head leaning down to nuzzle his face on your neck, leaving soft kisses against it. you were too embarrassed to admit that you were just adoring him and got yourself horny.

successfully unbuttoning the last button, joshua lifted his head and tapped your thighs before helping you wrap your legs around his waist. he guided you towards your shared bedroom, grabbing the small gift bag dangling from your wrist and throwing it on the bed. he gently propped you down on the edge of the bed and kneeled in front of you, eyes lustfully trained on you. you couldn’t help but bite your lip at the sight of him, his unbuttoned shirt giving you a peek of his toned chest. his hand made its way to your ankle, unclasping the lock of your heels. of course, he had to be a romantic lover. you kicked the heels off your feet, grazing his fingers on your feet, up to your thigh as he stood up. you felt a pool gather at your underwear.

“shua…” you whimpered. he shrugged his shirt off, leaving him in his black slacks. his hard cock evident against his pants. you wanted nothing more than to stuff your mouth with his thick cock.

“look at you, you’re practically drooling.” his finger hooked the strap of your dress, dragging it down your shoulder in an awfully slow manner. you glared at his pace, which he only chuckled at. “patience, princess.” your dress was now resting on your waist, boobs on full display which made joshua lick his lips. “beautiful.” he walked in between your legs, hand reaching to the nape of your neck, leaning down and pulling you into a sweet kiss. you reached up to undo the latch of his belt, excitement roaring throughout your body at the thought of finally having him after an entire day of endless torture. he pulled away from you, chuckling when you were obviously having a hard time getting rid of his damned belt, aiding you in removing the belt away from his pants.

joshua walked away from you, making you frown, but he just circled the bed to grab the gift bag that was discarded on the bed. returning to you, he sat next to you, patting his lap for you to climb into. you stood up, your dress falling to your feet, leaving you in just your lacy underwear. you sat on his lap, straddling his legs, feeling his hardened cock against your still clothed core. you whimpered at the sensation, jerking your hips forward to feel some kind of friction, making joshua tut.

“what an impatient little slut, hm? i bet you can’t wait for my cock to be stuffed in you, is that right, princess?” you couldn't care less about how pathetic you looked right now, you needed to be fucked by him badly.

“i need you so bad, shua.” you whined, placing your hands against his chest. your core practically aching with need.

“since you said it so nicely.” he supported you by your ass, flipping you around so that you were laying on the bed. he quickly unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, sliding them off of him. his cock practically begging to come out of the restraints, which were his boxers. you bit your lip at the sight of him, wanting nothing more than to bury his cock in your mouth. his body hovered over you, climbing in between your legs, giving you a sweet kiss on the lips before his mouth trailed over to your jaw, neck, and finally, your breasts. he enclosed one of your nipples with his mouth, swirling his tongue over the sensitive bud while his hand kneaded your other breast, fingers toying with the nipple. you moaned at the sight of him desperately licking your breast, hand flying to grip his hair.

“fuck, baby.” you gasped as he gently used his teeth on your nipple, feeling him smile against you. pulling away, he reached for the handcuff that was inside the bag.

“hands above your head, princess,” he ordered, and you followed quickly; you absolutely loved it when joshua took command in the bedroom. he wrapped the fuzzy handcuff around both your wrists, not before leaving a gentle kiss on your hand. “tell me if it’s uncomfortable, hm?”

“shut up and fuck me already.” joshua laughed, hooking his fingers around the waistband of your underwear, pulling them down your legs and discarding them somewhere in the room. he circled his fingers around your clit, which made you shiver. he lined his index finger in your entrance, sliding your wetness between your folds and up to your clit, rubbing it just enough to drive you crazy. teasing you, he lightly inserted the tip of his finger before quickly pulling out, which made you gasp. “shua, please.” you pleaded, and he finally inserted two digits in your entrance without saying anything. soft whimpers escaped your lips, as he pumped his fingers in and out of you, slightly curling it every so often.

“you like that, baby? look at you, you're a whimpering mess just because of my fingers.” his gaze on you intense, as he quickened his pace. his thumb toying with your clit as he moved his fingers inside you. your hands fell to wrap it around his neck, but he grabbed your arm and returned it above your head. “if you move, i’ll stop.” you nodded. throwing your head back and arching your back when he added another finger. he attached his lips to your breast that was in his face, lapping the nipple around his tongue which drove you over the edge.

“oh my god! that feels so good, please, baby.” jerking your hips upwards to meet his hand.

“fuck, baby, your pussy’s always so tight for me, huh?” you felt an all-familiar knot gather at your stomach, and joshua must have felt that you were close because he picked up his pace even more. “so perfect, so needy for me. how bad do you want to come, baby?” his eyes trained on you as you could barely keep yours open.

“so bad, baby, p-please let me come. I want you to fuck me already.” joshua leaned down and placed kisses on your neck, feeling your pussy clench around his fingers as he repeatedly hit the spongy part that makes you dizzy.

“you take my fingers so well, princess.” grabbing your hand, he placed it against his clothed bludge. “can’t wait to have my cock inside you. come on, baby, come for me.” that was all you needed to hear before you felt your inside explode, moaning his name as you came undone on his fingers. pulling his fingers out, he brought them to his mouth, collecting your juices with his tongue, not wasting a single drop. your body still recovering from the high you felt

when joshua was finally done, he pulled away from your body and removed his boxers. his cock springing against his stomach, all hard and spurts of pre-cum dripping from the head. he wrapped his hand around the shaft, pumping it a few times before reaching up to your wrists. he unlocked the cuffs, hands gently rubbing the skin that was in contact with it. he returned his position over your body, hands on either side of your head as he attached his lips to yours once again. feeling his cock graze your cunt.

“wanna fuck you so bad,” joshua whispered against your lips, gripping his cock with one hand as he rubbed the head against your folds. “you’d like that, wouldn’t you? you’re such a slut for my cock, huh?” he pushed his cock into you, your mouth falling open into a silent gasp at the sudden sensation. you have been waiting for him all day and now you have finally received your wish. he stops inside you for a second to let you adjust, but it doesn’t take long before he starts moving in and out of you. “so fucking tight for me.” he groaned, grabbing your legs and pushing it against your shoulder as he repeatedly rammed his cock against you.

“o-oh my god, josh.” grabbing a fistful of sheets as you felt his cock kiss your cervix from the position you were in. his every thrust left you breathless, panting his name as he quickened his pace. sweat was forming on joshua’s forehead, his free hand sneaking down to your clit, rubbing circles that made you see stars.

“i fucking love your tight pussy, baby.” crying out for him as he leaned down to kiss you while continuing his thrusts. you felt your second orgasm forming at your stomach, which caused you to bite his lip lightly. “mhm want to come inside you, baby. let me make you pregnant.” he grunted against you which made you even more wet, if that was even possible.

you moaned at the thought of joshua filling you up. you loved him, and you couldn't wait to marry him. giving him a baby was definitely one of your plans, so it did not faze you when he wanted to do just that.

“make me a mommy, shua.” you managed to let out, which made joshua smile. he pulled his cock away completely before slamming it inside you without warning, making you throw your head back.

“good girl, take my fucking cock, baby.” the pained pleasure of his cock repeatedly hitting your cervix brought tears to your eyes. it hurts so fucking good.

joshua’s eyes focused on your tits that were bouncing with every thrust of his. you looked perfect taking in his cock so well. you would look even better with his cum spilling inside your pussy.

“baby, i can’t–” you cried out, your hands gripping his shoulders. walls clenching around his cock, as your orgasm forms around your belly. he straightened his body, his hands guiding you to wrap your legs around his waist. his pace absolutely addicting as you felt his dick twitch inside you.

“fuck! baby, i'm so close.” his thrusts got sloppy as he neared his climax. you turned into putty under his grip as he fucked you through your orgasm. chanting his name as you came for the second time. seconds later, you felt his warm cum paint inside your walls. “god, i love you.” he groaned, leaning down to desperately kiss you.

after a few moments, he pulled his cock out of you, cum spilling out of you. he dragged his fingers into your entrance to push back the cum that was dripping out, which made you jump.

joshua laughed, “sorry, baby. wouldn’t want to waste a drop for mommy.” his body dropping beside you, pulling your body close to his chest. “did you mean it? do you want to start a family with me?” wrapping his fingers with yours.

“of course i do. one of me is cute, but two though? i bet we’d be even cuter.”

[theamazingmuse]

How to always look neat

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THIS IS ALL IN THE DETAILS. When I say neat, I mean if you are late and you still wanna look good, without many effort.

Iron your clothes. You have to do it. Sometimes it's exhausting but this looks so good once you did it. Especially if you wear blouses ! Iron clothes look cleannnnn

Next hair. It's all about you. Make sure to take care of them, no matter which texture you have. Caucasian, natural, long, short...Hair is an essential part. Make sure to know which hairstyle is good for your face too.

Teeth / breath: when you talk this the first thing that we notice. Have a good smell, use a good toothpaste and a good toothbrush. It is recommended to change your toothbrush (classic) every 3 months.

-> Moreover, if you smell bad from the mouth nobody is gonna tell you lol.

Your face. Especially your eyes and mouth. Keep a lip balm or a gloss in your bag. I really like gloss. Also mascara can make a huge difference, even if you wear nothing on. If you wanna put some makeup, make sure it is the good undertone.

There are many undertones no matter what your skin color is. You're not necessary warm if you are black for exemple. I struggled a lot with that to find out that I'm a neutral. So take your time to know that. It's gonna look so smooth after, like your skin.

-> How can I not say the brows. It is what structure your face.

Nails. It's all about you #2. I think that nails represent our personality. I really like dark red WITH an almond shape. For now, I make my nails grow because I can't with fake anymore. It means that there is only a strengthener. Keep them clean even when there is nothing on. Accessoiries. Necklace, belts, earrings, bag, you already know this part

Last but not least PERFUME. Now the perfume is the icing on the cake. It has to be a blend with your outfit

-> For an office siren look, you're not going to wear something floral. Something more woody/strong would be good. If you wear a pink dress with ribbon, you're gonna wear something more feminine. I think that many people don't understand that

+ note expert: I highly recommend you to find your signature scent. Something that represent YOU, that you can wear everyday. Go at Sephora and smell everything. Then find what you like (especially notes) and write them. Here is three perfume that me, the antagonist would recommend

Scandal - La belle Intense. INTENSE. People always forget the INTENSE when I tell them. Every time I get compliments from men and women (and this is not my signature scent by the way). Trust me one this one, if you like gourmand, vanilla perfume. Perfect for winter

Maison Margiela Collection- I really like on a date for this autumn, very woody. This collection is amazing

Acqua di gioia - if you like smelling like laundry this is SAME smell. Very fresh.

I can talk about perfumes everyday so maybe I would make a post with outfit that I like with the perfect perfume . (I have a good style I promise you)

I really like vanilla, woody, strong perfume. I am more in the gourmand, sweet side. I don't like floral perfume.

-> I think I would make a post about perfume that I like in each perfumes family. I have a huge notion table with my harsh perfume opinions 😭

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THE END. My mom always told me that I have to look clean before even thinking about be beautiful. It feels so good to be neat.

I love wherever you are

theamazingmuse 🫧

(me and my perfume opinions lmao)

[tenyrasims]

𝑇𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑎 𝑓𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑒 - 𝑃𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑝𝑎𝑐𝑘

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

☆ Includes 9 poses ☆ All In One ☆ All Genders

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You will need: ☆ Pose Player or another pose player like Whicked whims ☆ Teleport Any Sim mod ☆ The poses do not work with height sliders or neck sliders. Height differences are already included in the poses. If you still want to use [or do use] height sliders, clipping might occur. You can try to adjust it manually with TOOL or the 'position adjustment' option by Wicked Whims, which I highly recommend because it is easy to use. ☆ Acc you need: ☆ Blunt Left&Right  [the merged package] - Blunt mouth ☆ Open Zippo Left

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

TOU (Terms of Use): ☆ Please link directly to my original download page if you wish to share these poses. Do not re-upload the files to other sites. ☆ Commercial use of my poses is strictly prohibited. These poses may not be sold or monetized in any way. ☆ Do not include them in other posepacks or claim them as your own. ☆ You may not edit or alter my poses. If you wish to make modifications, please ask first. (Adjusting hands is allowed)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── Feel free to tag me if you use my poses with @tenyrasims ♥ Today some poses ive got inspired to do ~ dont hesitate to write me if something is wrong. Hope you like them ♥

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

DOWNLOAD

Patreon [Free] l SFS

[glass--beach]

hi do you like ok computer (1997)

because i really just don't get it (especially as the second-best album of all time) but i reeeally want to & i respect your opinion on that a lot

yea that album kinda changed the course of my life lol. wall of text incoming

first - don’t let rym or aoty or whatever tell you what’s good and what isn’t, everybody’s got their own taste & criticisms that go against the grain are very important!! i will say anything that’s that consistently highly rated across different websites & publications is probably undeniably significant and worth listening to. whether listening feels like discovering a new favorite or sitting through a history lesson is where taste comes in. it’s important to interrogate the canon too as there is an enormous amount of implicit bias in what even gets in front of critics and in the metrics they grade music by. review aggregate sites have democratized this process a bit & all the good and bad of democracy has come with that lol.

so, the album gets praised for a couple of reasons - its innovative production, its commentary on the historical zeitgeist, and the pop appeal of much of the songwriting.

production - the album makes heavy use of cutting edge effects units, digital editing, computer trackers, sampling, and even features little bits of voice synthesis. most of it is stuff that had existed in music before radiohead, artists like aphex twin (and much of the rest of warp records’ 90s catalog) and bjork were ahead of the curve in a lot of the aesthetic aspects of okc and had influenced radiohead a lot, which is even more evident on their followup kid a. radiohead was not breaking new ground in using these sounds, but they were among the first to put it all in a rock context, taking cues from the weirder cuts on the beatles’ white album, the experimental “krautrock” band can, and miles davis’ classic jazz fusion album bitches brew.

context - radiohead had grown up during the decline of much of the social democratic programs that had helped to facilitate the education and performing careers of much of their early influences such as joy division and the smiths. by the time okc was being written they had lived through the austerity of the thatcher era, the fall of the soviet union, and now were watching the labour party turn increasingly neoliberal under tony blair. there was a general sentiment in the west that the progress of history had slowed or even stopped in favor of the neoliberal order. at the same time, tech was booming and computers were starting to find their way into more aspects of daily life. the album imagines a boring dystopia, where machines are rabidly advancing but humans are stuck in stasis. a major connecting theme is infrastructure - the airbag through which thom yorke is “born again,” the “cracks in the pavement,” the family politics that separate romeo and juliet in exit music, the mechanical voice of fitter happier giving contradictory directions for maintaining the status quo. even the escapist fantasy of no surprises comes in the form of carbon monoxide. and then, the record ends with the “ding” of an appliance that has completed its task.

songwriting - the band’s previous album the bends really is a pop masterpiece. i recommend it to anybody who wants to get into radiohead but doesn’t vibe with their later work. okc expands that compositional style through, for one thing, the more apparent influence of classical music on tracks like paranoid android or the Chopin homage exit music; let down even features polymetric layering characteristic of Steve Reich. it also features some songs that are too good to even need to push the envelope much, like karma police or one of my favorites, no surprises, which seems to reference the beach boys’ wouldn’t it be nice or the velvet underground’s sunday morning.

to be honest, i like okc mostly because it really spoke to me at a formative time in my life, when i was like 15 and felt heavily disconnected from the world around me. the album deals with those feelings in a very different context but it’s a feeling many people can relate to for many different reasons - i was closeted in a conservative culture, not a depressed british rock star lol. it also was an excellent gateway into many of the bands’ influences, who are also favorites of mine now. most people who love the album don’t really go as deep as i like to with understanding it, but maybe what i said here will give you something else to listen for, idk. maybe you just gave me an excuse to infodump about an album i love lol :)

[vamphorica]

Mellodramattic fic recs? 👁👁

okay, thank you so much anon for giving me the opportunity to ramble about m2 fics, i am very, very passionate about them at the moment ♡ i do intend to create an extensive masterpost, so I'll give you my three absolute favourites to keep you busy in the meantime.

-> crush by etorphine (morphinejunkie on tumblr) rated explicit

i really don't mean this hyperbolically – this fic fundamentally changed my life. words will never be able to fully describe how i felt reading this absolute mammoth of a fic (203k words!) and the lasting impact it has had on me since then. quite simply, it is a masterpiece that so beautifully characterises matt and mello without denying the harsh realities of who they are and their circumstances. it details their lives within the confines of canon, exploring the moments of time between the two that ohba neglected, and it made me sob once i had finished, haha. not to mention that there is an audio drama of two chapters featuring the official English voice actors for Matt and Mello, which is also amazing.

umm... yeah. crush means a lot to me. please read it if you haven't already ♡

-> magnolia by threesmallcrows rated mature

unlike crush, which is very canon compliant, magnolia is an alternative universe fic that tackles an incredibly complex topic in the context of Mello as a famous musician and Matt as his casual fuckbuddy. Matt finds out more about Mello's childhood, and while i will warn that it does get intense, i personally thought it was written very sensitively, which can sometimes be difficult to find in angst fics. additionally, the way it is written is phenomenal, pure poetry. here is the summary, just for a taste of what you are getting yourself into:

gorgeous. highly recommend

-> deep cover by mizzmello rated explicit

i am a huge fan of mizz's art here on tumblr, and her fics are absolutely wonderful too! i reread this one a couple of nights ago for a oneshot i am rotating in my mind, and god, it is just a really fun fic that i feel portrays the boys extremely well. given how the other two are very heavy, deep cover certainly provides a nice respite by sending matt and mello to the club and documenting what they get up to. this will be a fic i always return to, if not just to read the final few paragraphs over, and over, again.

i do hope you give these recommendations a go! i feel as though all three have really informed how i characterise matt and mello, as well as inspiring me to write so much lately. we are really lucky to have such talented writers in this community and i think it is always imperative to appreciate them when the opportunity arises :)

[shark-myths]

tell me more about the writing class!

I would loving nothing more!

so my long-time writing crush @alienfuckeronmain (seriously, we became pairing rivals in a now-deceased fandom more than 20 years ago) runs an amazing writing class annually. It is fully virtual and recorded, so you can attend synchronously (I recommend this because the Q&A after the lecture is invaluable!) or whenever works best for you. It focuses on writing as a LIFESTYLE, something sustainable and full of joy, healing the productivity/perfection trauma many of us come to associate with the craft. it focuses not on sharing and critiquing writing but on how to support yourself and your life so that you can DO it, for fun and for love, in a way that works for you. it is such a healthy and beautiful approach to my favorite thing in the world, I highly recommend the course. The website is here and the instagram account, bloodinkbonewriting, also has a lot of info and promo material. Phoenix herself is an incredible talent with some recently published books I highly recommend. She’s most famous for being canceled in various fandoms, writing the finest one direction fic you can imagine, being the master of dead dove and fucked-up dynamics, and of course, humanized Cars fic.

self-disclosure / soapbox time: I work as a psychologist, and I so frequently encounter grown-ass adults who made all the right choices. They put away ‘childish’ things like hobbies and passion and silliness and intensity, they prioritized all the values our culture prizes, and they end up feeling so fucking empty and bleak. I constantly connect to gratitude about my daily writing practice, about my relentless and unprofitable pursuit of writing for joy. I have been writing rpf since I was thirteen years old. I thought I *invented* it and would certainly go to hell for my ingenuity. And it is the richest part of my life. I meet all the best people this way. I love who I am and the way I live because of being connected to art and community—a community of transformative work and creativity and passion, of screeching about our favorite things without self-consciousness or self-erasure. I genuinely believe this is the best part of my self and life. (except for my cats.) and when I encounter the dullness and misery of a life at the grindstone, I know beyond doubt that writing and fandom are my #1 protective factor. They are the reason I don’t feel that burned out and hollow way about my good, good life.

if you do one thing for yourself, find a way to create and connect joyfully and without the evaluative eye of others upon you. and if you have lost the way to doing that with writing because of the world we live in or, worse, the educational system and endless pressure to make your art profitable—blood ink bone has my highest recommendation as a gentle way to recover that path within yourself!

[baejax-the-great]

I've seen a lot of posts about orphaning vs deleting vs posting anonymously and people exhorting authors to never ever delete their work, and I think they always make me cranky because of this:

Whatever emotional attachment a reader has to a fic will never be stronger than the emotional attachment the writer has to it.

Maybe it's not true of every fic (and I have orphaned a couple fics in the past), but writing is frequently an emotional task. The act of putting your own creations out there is an emotional act, and one that can leave you feeling very vulnerable.

I struggled for a while wanting to delete some of my works. Knowing that people would read twenty of my works in a day and move on without so much as a word made me incredibly uncomfortable. Those twenty fics comprised an entire year of my life, an entire year of daydreaming and imagining and composing. Those were all my bus rides, what I thought of as I fell asleep, where my mind wandered when I did chores. It felt like having strangers walking through my brain, looking around silently, and leaving.

I'm not going to say everyone feels that way, because I know many people do not. My point is that in putting their work into the world, authors are putting pieces of themselves into the world, an act that can leave them feeling very vulnerable, and therefore it is their right to delete it when that becomes too difficult for whatever reason. It's not a moral failing, and it's not even really taking away something from readers. Sometimes the things we enjoy are ephemeral. Easy come, easy go.

Fandom really needs to ease off on people who delete their fics.

[uncanny-tranny]

Hey, you're being lied to about what fitness constitutes. If you can't work in an hour-long crossfit slog, but you can work in a five-minute walk, then that is still fitness. If you can't use your legs but you can do arm circles every now and again, that is still fitness. If you're moving around at work, that's still fitness. It can be intentional or incidental, but here's the best part: your body doesn't care if you're dedicating specific work-out times. It doesn't care if the "only" fitness it gets is your nine to five on your feet. It doesn't care, fitness is fitness is fitness. Some of us do it differently, but the end result is more or less similar.

If you can do any type of fitness safely, your body isn't going to care if you're doing it like an Olympic athlete or if you're just a casual.

[gxlden-angels]

do you have any thoughts on the story of abraham and isaac? my parents talk about it and praise abraham for being willing to kill his son which..... scares me to say the least, and i'd love to hear your perspective as someone who seems more well-adjusted

Where I am now, it disgusts me more than anything. The interpretation of "I'm willing to sacrifice your life if I was told to" feels like the step before "I put you into this world and I can take you out of it." It's entitlement to a child, who is an independent individual, just because they are dependent on you for survival. I prefer the interpretation of understanding the actions you're taking and the reasons why (like how there's multiple religions that don't eat pork because it was so unsafe to eat at the time), especially if it's at someone else's expense.

Where I was in the thick of it all, it gave me morbid comfort that scares me now. I had fantasies of being a martyr for the church and the idea of being the next Isaac was just so appealing. Being a hand-selected sacrifice chosen by the Good Lord Himself? Sign me the fuck up, babey!

I think if I admitted that to my family, they'd be horrified.

It's another one of those stories or beliefs where I think the majority of christians just regurgitate what they've heard. It's a point of pride and devotion, but there's no personal reflection or cross-cultural awareness of it. Lean not unto your own understanding and whatnot. It's the potential that scares me the most, like the Quiverfull movement with the Duggars or Turpins. I'm sure there's stories now, but I can't remember them off the top of my head

(Also I will be telling my therapist someone on Tumblr called me "more well-adjusted" thank you anon)

[wickmitz]

any thoughts/opinions on vikdecai?

i don’t believe i have any complex thoughts that haven’t already been said by the community at large! mostly my opinions just correlate to a very fond i like them, since mordecai kneecapping viktor in order to save himself from having to hurt him later is really one of the first things that humanizes his character. makes you realize he’s not nearly as cold or practical as he tries leading you to believe -- a front that unravels further given his atlas obsession. and i like that! my favorite thing about mordecai is his subtle longing for the lackadaisy crew, how much he doesn’t wish to hurt them, and how venomously he loathes his current life … what he’s doing now isn’t what he wants to currently be doing, but merely what must be done for his goal, one which is already layered in lackadaisy sentiment. so his bond with viktor is important to me, given how much it highlights this inner struggle and earnest truth within his character. but then again, this can also be applied to mordecai’s relationship with mitzi, atlas, and ivy, so let me discuss them in a more romantic sense. which i’m sure is what this question is trying to get at!

romantically, i view mordecai and viktor’s dynamic as … favorable? it’s entirely plausible there were feelings there, an intimacy only they shared as men inside atlas’ arsenal, people who were entirely knowledgeable of the lackadaisy’s nasty underbelly. it’s their slaughter of people deserving and of many, many innocents that help their boss’s speakeasy run, and this violence ( this constant watching one another’s back ) would only breed closeness in spite of the horror it’s built on. and, of course, they have core things in common outside of their job and efficiency for bloodsport! like their love for family, their devotion towards those who matter most, and how out of place they equally feel on this soil - - in this world and era, where everything feels like it’s out to get them in some way or another. their ability to connect beyond their surface level traits and quirks ( mordecai and viktor are very much opposites on their surface, and they have a habit of bickering about these differences, albeit lightheartedly ) demonstrates the profoundness of what they have and what they’d do to protect it. they care for one another in little gestures, insignificant to most but in a way that truly matters to them … as they can see the genuineness in it, since they’re putting themselves into the careful actions and aren’t just doing things for politeness sake. for example, mordecai tries adorning them in matching cloth so they’re two equal halves, symmetrical, and then we have viktor who pocketed mordecai’s glasses to give him later when they were done with their mission. i like to imagine there are more things like this in their relationship! stuff that isn’t as severe as life or death, like saving your friend’s skin by a mere inch or dragging each other to a finish line every day. any of atlas’ men can offer that. it’s the extra things, done out of agency and personal desire, that bring them closer than any other regular joe on atlas’ payroll. it’s rather clear that they were close canonically, and that viktor was perhaps mordecai’s closest friend in a way that atlas could never be due to the pedestal he was constantly put upon. and while we have less insight on viktor’s feelings, i’d imagine the betrayal has never, and will never, fully heal. it is not a wound he can easily patch up, and it isn’t something one could just forget either. how can you dismiss someone who used to be your hands and eyes and ears? when you two functioned as another man’s extra body in your entirety? you may as well have shared a mind when out on the field, and that’s a closeness and a trust which is hard to lose. viktor hardly lets anyone in as is, just as anti social as his spectacles wearing companion, so to lose that in such a violent was is an unspeakable pain he bears, i’m sure. mordecai took whatever remained of his life from him with that shot. he’s permanently robbed viktor the ability to defend the last few hairs he cares to protect. his purpose is now up in the air. and all this anguish from someone he completely and utterly believed in … there is a lot of hurt, is what i’m saying. a hurt that’s too deep and life altering for it not to be supremely personal too. it’s deep and festering and viktor ignores it, and mordecai ignores it, mostly, but sometimes his paw strays near his wound and he itches at it, and it reopens the ache all over again. there is metaphor to be found there! an abandonment and a departure that leaves you bloodied from maiming or being maimed. it is very easily a multi-layered sentiment!

however, i could still take this or leave it romantically, hence my earlier statement of favorabe rather than unabashed gushing and swooning. this is a ship i like, but i don’t read mordecai as crushing on viktor per se? i’ve always viewed his extreme relationship with atlas as puppy love that’s half bred from devotion, something not entirely genuine but also still genuine enough, which makes for a nice parallel between that and rocky’s bond with mitzi. his rivalry with atlas’ wife and his oddities such as wearing his boss’s shirts read as girlish crush behavior, typical things one does when believing themselves enamored, you know? naturally his views and feelings for atlas aren’t quite that simple nor easy to parse, and i’m not trying to simplify them in any way! i just believe he had a torch for atlas, and thus didn’t carry another for anyone else, at least not as intensely. whatever feelings he might have for someone would always be second to atlas, who was his very reason for living and breathing every day, who was his answer and justification and eventually? his obsession. in many ways i think mordecai was too wrapped up in atlas to properly develop feelings for viktor, even if there were inklings of something inside of him. ironically, the term something is what i love using when thinking about him with viktor or mitzi. mordecai is something with those two, he feels something, an unlabeled sort of thing he can’t really reach -- perhaps he doesn’t even want to, scared of what it might mean, what it could say. and it is different somethings! they are not the same feeling, what he feels towards those two, but it’s not fully known to him in the way that his feelings towards atlas was. it is not as clear! especially now, with things as awful as they are and with mordecai so full of turmoil he’s forcing himself to not share. he also has an intense aversion to emotions, obviously, which doesn’t help matters lol. this man could find some of the closure he’s so desperately seeking if he took more than a glance inside of himself, but then he wouldn’t be apart of this tragic tale, now would he?

still, in a better world where the lackadaisy’s gaggle of traumatized characters are allowed healing without any casualties or major losses, then i’d enjoy seeing a viktor and mordecai slowburn. where they decide to remain steadfast by each other’s side like once upon a time before, and they deal with life as a unit. maybe when given the space for it, mordecai’s affection can finally cement into real love for viktor -- the romantic kind, something sappy and disarming and maddening all at once. maybe viktor will allow such indulgences, finally able to touch upon his heart again and use it in a way that he hasn’t gotten to in a couple ages. or maybe he won’t share the specific feelings that mordecai possesses for him, but he’ll enjoy creating an entirely new thing that’s only for them : he can compromise and he can bend if mordecai is willing to bend just the same. they certainly wouldn’t be your typical couple, their emotions too stunted for regular dates or typical pda, but there’s something more special and intimate to them carving out their own space, and thus having their own secret world. a mix of platonic and romantic affections, a healthy dose of selfishness and desire they couldn’t ever have before but now can hoard so entirely, in small bearable doses. and there will always be some things they both won’t ever be able to shake ( mordecai disabling viktor, atlas, viktor’s daughter, etc ), although they could manage these aches and guilt better together, which is the exact sort of happy ending i’d want for them. if i may be so indulgent myself haha ( <- person who knows lackadaisy’s ending will be mostly dark and tragic but likes playing around with hopeful scenarios and what-if’s regardless! )

[moonchild-in-blue]

I'm gonna be meta for a little bit, but huge shout out to George Lever (Sleep Token's previous producer).

Like, don't get me wrong, I love Carl Bown (he's worked with soo many of my favourite bands and killed it), and I love that Vessel himself got involved in the producing process of TMBTE. The album is amazing, everything sounds extremely clean and professional, and very, very concise.

But George Lever? That guy has a way with music that just... It's very innate. I think One was self-produced (although I'm not entirely sure), but everything else apart from TMBTE was produced by him - and you can tell.

There's this very raw and organic feeling to his work that I think it's quite rare to find nowadays. Especially the drums - I really wish he could've been the one mixing it for the last album because man, he just gets it.

When I first listened to Eden, I remember thinking "man, this drummer is insane". But then I went all the way back to One and slowly made my way to TPWBYT and ket me tell you, Jaws' drum line left me flabbergasted. I know that George and ii have been friends/working together for quite a while prior to ST, so maybe that's one reason why. But they just work so well together, everything sounds so clear and crisp, it feels almost impossible.

This is not to discredit the amazing, fenomenal work done on TMBTE - there's a reason why it's my favourite album and why it gained the traction it did - nor to downplay ii's insane skills (as if one could ever do that, he's just that good). But George's work with ST is just so, so brilliant, and I really needed to put it out there.

It's been a while since I've checked in on him, but it seems he's a bit inactive nowadays? Idk. Whatever the reason why he's no longer working with them, or why he's a bit mia (or was for a while), I wish him all the best, and I'm just so thankful for all his hard work.

[sweetest-honeybee]

Aw, Clown :(

[madegeeky]

Sometimes a person follows me on Letterboxd (a movie tracking and reviewing site/app) and I'm absolutely baffled by why they would do so.

Here's a list of some of the things that made me go O.o

Movies they didn't like that I really really love (4.5+/5 stars): Knives Out, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-verse, Deadpool, Birds of Prey, Midsommer, THE Suicide Squad, Friday the 13th,

Movies that they're meh about that I love tremendously (4.5+/5 stars): Pearl, Scream, Batman Returns.

It doesn't even look like they watch shitty horror.

I rate movies by how much I enjoy them which means a lot of shitty horror movies get 3 stars. In fact, of the last 10 movies I logged and rated, only one 1 movie got below 3 stars. 5 of them are shitty horror movies. And two of them are just outright weird (The Lighthouse and The Timekeepers of Eternity).

Like, I just don't get it. Why are you here, following me? What of my last 10 ratings made you decide to follow me when we have such different tastes in movies? I desperately want to know the answer to these questions.

[binah-beloved]

OHMYGODBINAHPLUSHITSSOLOVELYIWANTONE

*ahem*

Where did you get the plush?

it was a preorder from @/chikosworkshop. extras can be found here:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1709115308/20cm-cotton-doll-angela-and-binah-lor?click_key=b6a4cdf5e8f760a7df4a88916c8f0aa51aaf5299%3A1709115308&click_sum=d0b0d045&ref=shop_home_active_4&crt=1&sts=1

it's actually a paired duo of Angela and Binah, but you can order one or the other, which is what i did

[paimonial-rage]

I was thinking about this while helping my friend beta something yesterday like… I vaguely remember that at one time, I felt (punctuation) periods were too harsh. They had a sense of finality about them. They were too loud and vibrant. Commas were more comforting to use. They felt softer and not as exact. And then I look at my writing now and there's nothing I love more than a period. I love how sharp it is. I love its finality.

Like I can't understate enough how much a period makes a statement. Like that's what it's supposed to do, yes, but it's more than that. It tells the audience that what precedes is true. It's a fact. And when you yield a period properly, it emphasizes and highlights what is stated. It stands out. It's final. It has weight. It's such a powerful thing that it's addicting to use.

[a-whole-lot-of-things]

i'm trying to learn jubilee line on guitar right now, and it's so rusty and there are some very obviously incorrect parts but like, i'm so happy with what i've been able to do so far

though it's taken literal months to get the little parts done that i have - even just finally getting the smallest bits done, or kind of close - it has been so so worth it