#high & love the worst x

[natalievoncatte]

“Okay,” Alex said, “listen, prepare yourself. She’s acting… strange.”

Lena strode next to her, clenching her fists as if she could grip her own cold fury with them. The audacity of Danvers

(Alex)

to call her in like she was some employee after what Kara had done to her, was shocking. She would have told her to fuck right off if not for the desperation in her voice. She almost hung up on her when Alex said it was about Kryptonite, and they needed an expert.

Outside the exam room, Alex directed Lena’s attention to a screen. Some two-bit “villain” (how she hated that word) was on the screen. She wasn’t sure what he was going for with his outfit but he looked like a cross between a cable repairman and a wannabe Ghostbusters with a helmet that reminded her of the cap on a salt shaker. He was thrusting a wand device at Kara, spraying her with a fine pink mist.

Some of the substance had been gathered into a small vial, currently residing in a lead canister. Lena turned the vial in her hands, watching the tiny, powdery crystals flow over each other like sand.

Lena swallowed, hard.

“She’s not on a rampage, so it’s not red kryptonite.”

“It appears to be pink kryptonite,” said Lena.

“Your scientific skills of observation astound me,” said Alex. “Marie Curie would be so proud.”

Lena gave her a flat look.

“Fuck you, Danvers. I haven’t had a chance to say this to your face yet, but fuck you. Fuck all of you, playing your little games mocking me to my face when we were supposed to be friends.”

“We were friends,” said Alex.

“Not friends enough for Kara to tell me the truth.”

“I told her not to,” Alex said, coldly, “and I was right. Maybe I kept at her too long about it, but she ended up keeping the secret because she was afraid you’d flip out and blow up your whole friendship over it, you fucking drama queen.”

Lena screwed the lead canister shut. It looks like it was meant to hold radioactive flour.

“Do you want my help or not?”

“Please save her. I’m prepared to deal with your sanctimonious bullshit if you save my sister.”

“I’ll need to work on the sample, but I should examine her first. Is it safe?”

“She would never hurt you.”

Lena rolled her eyes. Alex stared at her flatly.

“You two, Jesus Christ. If you were anyone else I’d just call it out, but fuck it, let’s keep this professional.”

Lena crossed her arms. “Call what out?”

Alex arched a brow. “Should I start with the office full of flowers or the literal billion dollars you spent on her?”

Lena’s nostrils flared and she felt red creeping up her cheeks. “That wasn’t about her, that was about keeping Edge from owning his own media empire. Murdoch is bad enough.”

“It’s a fashion industry magazine,” said Alex, “and Edge could just start his own. The difference is Kara worked at CatCo, where you started working instead of…”

“Do you want my help or not?”

Lena huffed. “Fine. Let’s go.”

Alex opened the door. Kara was seated sideways on the exam table, swinging her feet like a bored child. There was a faint pinkish tinge to sparking points on her pale skin and she looked up with a slight pink gloss to the whites of her eyes, visible at a distance.

“Heyyyyyyyyy~”, said Kara.

Lena blinked.

“Kara? How are you feeling?”

Kara stared at her hands. “Why are you here? I thought you hated me now.”

Lena felt a sharp sting of regret deep in her chest, but brushed it off, like crumbs from her sleeve. It was as meaningless as crumbs. Kara’s honeyed words were always to sweeten her lies.

Kara resumed staring at her hands. “Humans call them fingers, but I’ve never seen them fing. Oh,” she giggled, wriggling her fingers, “there they go.”

“Kara?” said Lena.

“Oh, hi, I didn’t see you come in,” said Kara. “Some dude sprayed me with glitter and now I’m all funny.”

Alex leaned over. “We only got her in her by convincing her the Backstreet Boys were waiting inside and she spent three hours singing those stupid songs with Nia before I called you.”

Lena licked her lips. “Ah, I see. Kara?”

“Yeah, babe?”

Lena flinched. Babe? What?

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel great,” said Kara. “Kinda… kinda relaxed but excited. I’m excitalaxed! I made up a new word!”

“Would you excuse us a minute?” said Lena.

“Sure,” said Kara.

Lena stepped out and closed the door after Alex joined her.

“Alex,” said Lena.

“Lena,” said Alex.

“She’s high,” said Lena.

“I know,” Alex sighed.

“That’s incredibly dangerous. If she was just a dumb blonde we could let her sleep it off, but she can bench press an aircraft carrier. What if she gets some inane idea in her head and levels half the city?”

“She isn’t going to hurt anyone.”

“Didn’t she throw Cat Grant off a building the last time she was under the influence of something? It was on TV, Alex.”

Alex scowled. “That was different. Also she had it coming.”

Lena’s brows shot up.

“What? She was a bitch to my sister. She made her cry like three times a week. I don’t buy into that hardass girlboss mentor routine, I never liked Kara working for her. It was a relief when you bought the company, I had hopes someone would finally be looking out for her. She’s fragile, Lena.”

Lena blinked. “What?”

“Yeah, turns out that having your planet explode and losing your entire culture, family, and way of life, then losing your foster father, and then having to kill your aunt who is your mother’s twin sister can do a number on you. Might make you a little bit clingy and weird and paranoid about losing everyone you love. Shit, Lena, out of that whole list I just lost my dad and it was not make me a drunk for six years and captain of the varsity slut team. And I’m gay.”

Lena stared at her.

“Why does everyone I know need therapy?”

Kara chose that moment to throw the door open, making them both jump. She was grinning ear to ear.

“I don’t need therapy, I need rum,” said Kara. She turned to Lena and stage whispered, “alien rum that I can get drunk on.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Kiddo. Why won’t we go sit down and try to rest.”

Kara snapped her fingers. “I know what we can do! We can go clubbing! Come on, Lena, let’s go clubbing. If I go clubbing with you it’ll make Lena jealous.”

“We are so fucked,” Alex muttered.

Kara started forward, but Lena stepped in her path and pressed a hand to her chest.

She froze, staring open-mouthed at Lena. Lena could feel the muscles flexing under her palm and fingers, the nearly infinite strength pressed against her simple touch and yet yielding to it.

“Kara,” she said, softly, but firmly. “Let’s just go back in the room, okay? You’re intoxicated by the altered Kryptonite you’ve been exposed to and you’re not thinking straight.”

Kara looked her up and down, slowly. Lena felt a hot tingle pass through her and her legs quivered in her slacks. Kara’s eyes had gone dark and her chin dipped slightly and holy shit she was staring directly at Lena’s mouth.

Alex looked at her nervously.

“Lena,” Alex said, in warning.

“She won’t hurt me,” said Lena.

Brainy walked into the lab. “I have good news,” he said. “The half-life of this particular type of Kryptonite is very short, by my calculations it should only last a few… hours…” he trailed off, then added quickly. “I have business elsewhere, excuse me,” and fled the room.

Lena gave Kara a tentative push and the invincible Kryptonian stumbled back. Lena ended up guiding her into the room again and sat her down.

Alex began to follow.

“It’s fine,” said Lena.

“Are you sure?”

“She won’t hurt me. Close the door.”

Kara sat down and stared between her feet, fiddling with her hands.

Lena waited for the door to close and sat down next to her.

“Are you mad at me?” Kara whispered.

“Yes,” Lena murmured. “I’m so angry at you that it makes me want to scream.”

“Oh,” Kara said, her voice small.

Lena sighed. “I’ll never be mad enough to let anything happen to you, Kara.”

“But you’re mad.”

“I’m mad. I let you in, you didn’t do the same for me. I let you see who I am, good and bad, and you held back from me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“But you’re still mad.”

“Yeah,” Lena sighed.

Kara rubbed at her arms, sniffling.

Great, Lena thought, she’s coming down.

“Everybody changes,” said Kara. “Everybody goes away and leaves me. I’m so scared, Lena. I’m so scared of being alone. I was alone forever and ever in my pod and it hurt so much,” she choked out a little sob. “Everyone goes away and I can’t take it. I can’t stand it. I didn’t want you to go away so I lied to make you stay. I’m sorry.”

Lena, haltingly, put an arm around her. Kara leaned her head on Lena’s shoulder.

“Can I make it so you’re not mad at me anymore?”

Curious, Lena thought.

She wasn’t mad at all right now.

Kara began to sob softly, and suddenly, all at once, being mad didn’t make so much sense after all. She still felt it burning in her chest but it had gone from hot coals to dying embers, from raging magma to something bitter and sticky coating her lungs, making it hard to breathe.

“I think you can do anything if you try hard enough.”

Lean smoothed back her hair and curled the sleeve of her designer jacket around her hand and used it to dry the tears, and Kara hugged her, tightly but gently in her insistent way.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know, darling. Just relax and breathe, I promise it’ll be better soon.”

It was a funny thing, when Kara kissed her. It happened so naturally, so easily, that once it began, Lena was hardly aware how it started. It was not a lustful kiss, though she could feel that was there in the hungry way that Kara’s lips tugged at her own, almost pleading. Nor was it sad. It was hopeful, and it made something flare in her chest.

No, more than that. A crushing blast of warm air snuffed the dying embers of fury in her chest and in their place a new bonfire blazed into being, a sudden explosive joyful warmth that would blaze in her forever until the sun went out and the sky went cold. It was as if Kara had given her some red sun fire.

On instinct she lunged into the embrace and suddenly they were on the table, Kara swinging one leg lazily off the side as Lena straddled and locked lips with her.

"Oh God," Lena blurted, yanking back.

"What's wrong, baby?"

Lena almost fell off onto the floor when Kara called her that. She was sitting on Kara, panting.

"We can't," said Lena. "Kara, please, you're high as a kite."

Kara let out a soft, sad sound. Lena brushed her cheek softly. "It's okay. Just let me lay with you."

Kara shifted so Lena could join her, and they lay facing each other.

"I love you," Kara whispered. "You are my red sun, my scarlet sky, my beacon calling me back from the void."

Lena's breath caught. She tucked in close and kissed Kara on her nose.

"I'm tired," said Kara.

"Go to sleep," Lena whispered. “It'll be okay. I'll still love you tomorrow."

With a contented smile, Kara closed her eyes, looking so peaceful that Lena wanted nothing more than to watch over her.

When Alex came in and laid a blanket over them, she had the most frustrating grin on her face.

Lena decided she'd allow it.

[mint-chocolate-flakes]

I think Liir and Callie would’ve been friends

Doodles cuz art block

All I know about Liir is that he got his mom’s bisexuality. Idk how to draw him either

I am also tripping balls rn

[thejudeduarte]

Jude:

[itagakimizuki]

get a man hasegawa makoto that can do both

[x0011001100x]

[pebsterino]

making out in front of the camp???Oh, so disgusting (do it again)

[kanelune]

[YasuKiyo 4/?] || Can't even argue in peace in that fucking school! 

[braceletofteeth]

#favorite tropes (2/∞): Enter the White Knight

[enhashoutout]

When Universes Collide

The one where alien!reader falls in love with Smoky, learns what a soulmate is, and that some humans are amazing while others suck.

Smoky x alien!reader inspired by a story about Smoky and alien!reader by @airbendertendou . If you haven't read it yet go read it, the story is so cute! This post was inspired by Airbendertendou's post and the G-idle "I Do" music video.

Genre: fluff and angst

Warnings: swearing, injuries, blood, violence, fighting (typical H&L stuff but let me know if I missed anything), character deaths, brief mentions of torture

Reader is referred to as "reader" until it switches to ____ in place of Y/N

I usually use she/her pronouns and physical features that are associated with females to write my OCs as that is easiest for me but if you do not go by those pronouns or do not possess those features, please feel free to change them to fit you as you are reading! (It's a really long post lol)

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼ ☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼ ☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

Alien!reader wakes up just outside of Nameless City but can't remember anything other than their name and that they are not from this planet.

Alien!reader walks around Nameless City and runs into a group of kids who are playing. She stays hidden and observes them for a few days before the kids invite her to play with them.

Alien!reader who can materialize stars to appear as if they were fireflies with her hands and has healing powers (I know aliens can't do this just go with it lol)

The kids play with alien!reader and always ask to see the stars come out of her hands. Reader promises to create more stars when it is night time so that the kids can see them better than in the day time.

Alien!reader whose energy has a positive effect on Nameless City, causing the kids and other residents to be more positive and making the city's colors more vibrant.

Smoky realizes that all this is happening but doesn't know why.

Lala telling Smoky and the rest of the Rude Boys that she doesn't know why any of it is happening but she is thankful for whoever or whatever is helping the residents of Nameless City.

The Rude Boys overhear the kids talking about "the pretty girl with strange eyes" who makes stars in her hands and makes their injuries go away and goes investigating but comes back empty-handed.

Alien!reader who acquires chalk from one of the nice Nameless City residents and takes it to the kids because she's never seen it before.

The kids take turns writing their names with the chalk on the pavement and encourage alien!reader to do the same.

Reader writes her name as best as she can with the chalk next to the kids' names and they start calling her by it

One night, as the residents of Nameless City are getting ready for bed, alien!reader dims the fires and lets stars loose around the city.

"Where did a bunch of fireflies come from?" (Probably Takeshi or P) "She did! She kept her promise! Look at the stars!" cheered the kids "These aren't fireflies. They're stars. But how?" (Lala) As the kids run around playing with the stars Lala stops one of the little girls named Eri. "Eri, do you know where the stars came from?" "Of course! ____ did it!" "Who is ____?" "The pretty girl with strange eyes!" "Can you take us to her?" "We don't know where she is at night, we only see her during the day. We can take you tomorrow."

So the next morning the kids, Rude Boys, and Lala are on their way to find ____

"____! Where are you?!" shouted the kids ____ was surprised to see the other people with the kids. Up until now she only interacted with the kids and the older man who gave her the chalk. "____! You're here! These are our older brothers and sister. Our brothers are angels, they guard Nameless City." ____ didn't know what to say and just waved at them. Eri ran up to her and brought her closer to the group. "This is ____, the pretty girl with strange eyes. When she blinks her eyes close sideways. She's really nice. She helps us when we get hurt and she makes stars come out of her hands! All the stars last night were made by her. She can only make small stars in the day time but she promised that she would fill Nameless City with stars at night so we could see them better. Can you show them ____?" ____ nodded and held her hand up, a small galaxy appearing in her palm. The Rude Boys looked at her confused. "She also makes our injuries go away." "How?" (P) "Can you show them ____?" "But no one is hurt to help" This is the first time she's spoken since they met her. Smoky took off the glove on his hand and held his scratched-up hand out to ____. She hovers her hand over his and the scratches heal themselves as if they were never there, only a few old scars remain. "What are you?" asks Takeshi "I don't know... I just know I am not from here and I am not like you. I woke up here a few weeks ago. I don't know how to go back." "You can stay here with us. We're a family here in Nameless City." (Smoky)

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

The group figures out that ____ can heal wounds and make fevers and the flu go away.

The group tries to get her to try and make larger diseases go away but she can't seem to do it.

At night by herself, ____ tries to figure out how to become stronger to heal illnesses of larger capacities.

Smoky with the help of Rude Boys, the kids, and the other residents teaches ____ the language and she is able to communicate with everyone in no time.

As ____ stays and becomes a part of the family, she slowly falls in love with Smoky.

Smoky has mutual feelings, especially seeing her help his family but he's scared to tell her considering he doesn't know how long he'll live.

Lala and ____ become besties <3 and tell each other everything.

Lala sees the way her brother looks at her new friend and the way ____ looks at Smoky.

Lala gets ____ to admit her feelings for Smoky

"Hey ____." "Yes?" "Do you like my brother?" "Of course! I like everyone in Nameless City, we're a family." "No, no I mean do you like like him. Do you have feelings for him?" "I don't think I know what that means..." Lala spends the rest of their girls day explaining to reader what feelings are lol. "So do you understand now?" "I think so..." "So do you like Smoky?" "Yeah, I think I do." Insert happy squeals

Lala convinces Smoky to tell ____ about his feelings, telling him to think about himself and what he wants for once.

"I can't tell her" "Why not?" "She deserves someone who will stay with her forever. I don't want to hurt her if I leave first." "Don't say that! You'll get better. Even if not, don't you want to experience being happy? Can't you think of yourself and what you want for once?"

And that ladies and gents is how Lala got Smoky to consider telling ____ about his feelings.

One night while the rest of Nameless City sleeps, Smoky takes ____ to the tallest building in the city. The two sit in silence as the breeze passes by them. ____ keeps brushing her hair out of her face, Smoky reaches over and tucks a stray strand of hair behind ____'s ear. (screaming, crying, throwing up)

"I like you ____. I like you a lot. Even if you don't feel the same, I wanted to tell you. Lala convinced me to." "That's funny, Lala convinced me to tell you how I feel also. I also like you Smoky... So what happens now?" "Will you be my girlfriend? It means we're together." "I would love to be."

Aaaaaaand he leans in to kiss her on the forehead. (AAAAAHHHH)

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

All the fluff before the angst hits because I love Smokey so much

Lala giving ____ a green jacket with a fur-lined hood to layer on top of her black one-piece suit so she matches with the group. (For the black one-piece suit, go watch the G-idle "I Do" music video, Miyeon's black one-piece suit before she changes to the white dress was my inspo for reader's outfit.)

____ always heals the Rude Boys' injuries after fights

She also helps heal anyone who's not feeling well (flu, fever, etc.) and Smoky looks at her with all the love in the world in his eyes as she does it

When she's patching up Smoky he just stares at her and thinks about how much he loves her

Dates consists mainly of getting away to the outskirts of Nameless City for a little peace and quiet and quality time together. (But they're never too far in case the others need to find them)

Or star-gazing from the tallest building where they confessed to each other.

Idk why but Smoky strikes me as 1) someone who really likes stars and the night sky and 2) someone who felt they had to grow up quickly to protect everyone so he didn't get to experience much of a childhood. Soooo this leaves me to believe that if they aren't sitting on the tallest building stargazing, they are sitting in a secluded area probably blocked off by makeshift curtains where ____ creates stars just for Smoky and admires the way his eyes light up because she doesn't get to see that side of him often (making myself cry I'm totally fine).

Another date: as they sit on the building star-gazing, ____ sees a shooting star coming their way. ____ quickly closes her eyes and makes a wish, Smoky watches her and smiles.

"What did you wish for love?" "Eri says that if you say it out loud the wish won't come true, so I can't tell you, but you're a part of it."

Forehead kisses I can't stress this enough

____ always unexpectedly running to Smoky and giving him back hugs.

Smoky gives ____ back hugs and buries his head in the crook of her neck or rests his head on her shoulder.

When they haven't seen each other all day because Smoky is a busy SWORD leader, the hugs they share at the end of the day include Smoky lifting ____ up and giving her a little spin as they giggle, happy to see each other.

____ always gives Smoky little good luck kisses when he leaves to take care of SWORD business which causes light teasing from the other Rude Boys but they are happy that you make their leader happy.

Smoky is always laying on ____'s lap every chance he gets. I feel like she would braid little pieces of his hair and hum songs while she's doing so and he takes little naps while this happens because she puts him at peace.

At night alien!reader and Smoky cuddle to sleep. Smoky probably likes being the big spoon and holds ____ because, in this time and space of night, he can be a little selfish and forget about his duties as a SWORD Leader. It's just him and his beloved in their own little world. For once, Smoky has someone to call his own.

____'s positive energy engulfs Smoky and all of Nameless City in a little bubble of positivity that allows everyone sweet dreams and ease of sleep.

Remember how I said that at night ____ practices her magic on her own so she can heal illnesses and injuries of larger capacities? Lala lets Smoky's condition slip in a conversation with ____ so once she makes sure that Smoky is deep in dreamland, she slips away to work even harder to get stronger to cure Smoky.

But she'll remember to slip back into bed before the sun rises so that when Smoky wakes up he wakes up to her by his side.

At night when Smoky is deep in sleep, ____ transfers some of her life energy to him to help him without saying anything.

I feel like Smoky and ____'s way of showing love for each other is more physical than verbal. Things like holding hands, hugs, letting the other know they are there with some kind of wholesome physical touch. The very few times they say "I love you" to each other are in the dead of night when they are having deep talks. They don't have to verbally say it to each other because they know that their love is strong and very much present.

Picture this. One night while on a little late, star-gazing date on the tallest Nameless City building Smoky is asking ____ personal questions to know a little more about her.

"Unfortunately, I don't remember where I come from, what I am, or why I crashed here but whatever happened, I'm glad I woke up on this planet next to this city." "Why is that?" "If what humans say about soulmates is true, then I found my person. I found my soulmate. I love you, Smokey." "I love you more ____." "I love you most." "And I love you in every universe. I'm happy our universes collided."

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

____ wants Smoky and Rude Boys to teach her to fight like them. Smoky objects at first saying he doesn't want her to get hurt but she convinces him by telling him she also wants to help protect the Nameless City residents and promised not to jump into a fight unless absolutely necessary.

____ picks up their fighting style quickly considering she is an extraterrestrial being.

In the first movie when Smoky fights with Ryu, Smoky orders Takeshi to take ____ and P and run because he doesn't want anyone else finding out about her, especially not Kuryu group. When the members show up again with the getaway car, ____ is the first to jump out and grab Smoky.

After the doctor stitches Smoky up, ____ stays with him and uses her healing to help take away the pain when everyone is out of sight.

I feel like ____ would take it upon themselves to join Rude and get in the loop of what's happening around S.W.O.R.D. in place of Smoky so that Rude isn't down one man.

It definitely took a lot of convincing Smoky AND the others though.

Now that you guys are family, they want to protect you and keep you out of the cross-fire like Lala but you're so stubborn eventually you get everyone to say okay.

When Cobra calls for a meeting between all of SWORD's leaders, ____ tries to convince Smoky to let her attend with the other Rude Boys members, but he says no because he doesn't want anyone to find out about her to keep her safe.

____ eventually gets Smoky to agree and promises to keep her face hidden and stay out of trouble.

This is when the rest of S.W.O.R.D. meets you, sort of

The whole time Rude is at the meeting, Smoky can't be calm because he's worried about you.

He'll be tossing and turning, and it takes Lala giving him a whole talk about how you're strong and the others will protect you if anything were to happen for him to kind of calm down and sleep.

As Rude arrives to the meeting, Takeshi jumps into the leader ring as the rest of the group stays back.

____ hides in between the other boys and keeps her hood pulled over her face, going unnoticed by the others until Cobra points it out and the other leaders turn your way.

"You're all here, but where is Smoky?"

"We're here on his behalf"

"New member then?"

"New member."

"No need to be shy, we all know each other here. You can take your hood off!" shouts Murayama with his happy-go-lucky personality.

"Smoky requests that the new member keep their face hidden. Safety reasons."

"It's because she's his girl I'm sure. That's not a new Rude Boy, it's a girl. Her build looks different from the rest of you." points out Hyuga.

"Smoky's girl and she could kick your ass. Now, why are we here?"

As Cobra proposes the idea of an alliance to the other leaders, multiple conversations are happening in the back.

The other boys keep trying to look under the hood to look at your face, but you're doing a good job at hiding yourself.

"Bro how did Smoky get a girl before me?" (some rando in one of the groups).

"Idk, isn't he sick though?"

The Rude Boys members look at you as you speak.

"Talk about my boyfriend one more time and this alliance won't have a chance to start before it ends." Everyone shut up after that, slay for you queen.

As Rude tries to leave, ____ is stopped by Cobra. "Wait! I didn't catch your name."

"____."

"____. I think that S.W.O.R.D. would benefit from an alliance. Can you think about it and convince Smoky?"

"I don't disagree. I think that S.W.O.R.D. would be a lot stronger standing together, but you heard Takeshi. I know you want to take down Kuryu group but Nameless City's top priority is to make sure everyone stays alive. Kuryu is not only trying to evict us but kill us, residents of Nameless City aren't seen as important. To them we're nothing. I'll try and talk to Smoky but we'll see what happens."

When Rude arrives home, they go straight to see Smoky. The boys tell him what happened and he says he'll think about it and get back to them.

Smoky is laying down and ____ is sitting at his bedside.

"Were you safe today?"

"Yes. I kept my hood on and just stood back while Takeshi did the talking. I almost fought someone though."

"Why is that?"

"I don't like it when people talk about you like the way they did."

Smoky could tell the topic made her upset so he switched the direction of the conversation. "What do you think about the alliance ____?"

"Cobra isn't wrong. I think S.W.O.R.D. would be stronger together, but..... I don't know if it's right to sacrifice so much to try and take down Kuryu either."

"Why is that?"

"Well, the thought of taking down the Kuryu group is good, but at what cost? Sacrifices can be made for the greater good but I don't think I can if those sacrifices are human lives. We may not live in a great area or have led great lives, but the people who live here are still humans, shouldn't they receive a little compassion for that?"

Cue Smokey looking at ____ with all the love in the world in his eyes again

"Humans are weird... why are humans so mean? It's something I haven't quite understood since waking up here."

"Some humans just aren't as good as others, angel."

"Angel? That's what the kids call you. I never got around to asking anyone what that word means.... what does it mean?"

"I guess you could say it's someone who brings comfort and help to others when they're in trouble."

"That must be why everyone calls you that then. You're always helping the Nameless City residents. But then, who helps you?"

"You do. You're my angel."

They are so in love I can't *curls up into a corner and cries*

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

I wasn't sure where to put this scene because it doesn't fit anywhere else format-wise, but it happens before shit hits the fan so I'm gonna put it here

Picture this

Smoky and ____ both know that his health condition isn't all that great, so they unspokenly agree to spend a lot of time together, even more than they used to.

____ and Lala would prefer Smokey stay in bed but he insists on going for a walk with ____, so she agrees.

The two are walking, hand in hand, talking about everything and nothing all at once. It's just one of those moments where for a little while they can just be a young couple. They aren't leaders of a gang. they aren't being hunted by corrupted bitch ass grandpas, they're just a couple out on a walk.

As they're walking Smoky stops and ___ turns around to look at him.

"Why did you stop walking?"

"___?"

"Yes Smoky?"

"You know I love you right?"

"Of course. I love you too. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know how long I have so-"

___ runs up to him and hugs him tightly, whispering for him to stop.

"Stop. Don't say that."

"It's unavoidable ___. We both know that I'm sick and don't know how long I have to live."

"I know... I just don't want to think about it. I want to stay with you for a long time. I want to go wherever you go."

"I know angel. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you before I can't."

"I will always love you Smoky."

"And I'll always love you too angel."

Cue slow motion, dramatic shot of them making eye contact and the breeze blowing past them and he leans down to kiss her (I'm literally screaming, crying, throwing up, sliding down the wall, dying writing this)

Smoky continues holding her in his arms

I feel like during the very few times Smoky allows himself to be a little selfish he would imagine their life together years down the line. He doesn't do this often just so that he doesn't hurt them both by conjuring up a future that will never happen but he does every once in a while and in this moment where he's holding her in his arms and looking at her he is doing it.

Smoky is thinking about how he would love to live out the rest of his years with her as they take care of Nameless City. He would think about how he doesn't want kids of his own due to their situation but they would treat all the kids there as if they were their own. He would think about how Nameless City wasn't much but it was their home and how thankful he is that ___ would choose to be with him and stay here with him when she probably had better options.

But then the two get interrupted and the daydreams have to come to an end :(

Yu comes to tell the two that Kuryu group is back in town and are trying to take the children and women.

"I love you, wait for me. I'll come back," she says as she follows Yu.

Scene continues in the next section under "Let me set the scene"

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

I feel like everyone in S.W.O.R.D. would find out that ____ is an extraterrestrial being through Saigo. Maybe when he's telling The Amamiya brothers, Kohaku, and Tsukumo about how Rude mines the crystalized toxic waste and sells it, idk, but I feel like they would find out through him and then tell the Sannoh members and then it spreads to the rest of S.W.O.R.D. from there.

Kuryu definitely finds out through Ryu cause that bitch always got people snooping around Nameless City. Kuryu probably also found out from Ryu because ____ was there when Rude came in the getaway car for Smoky during that one fight where Ryu freakin sliced his back and he needed stitches. Ryu probably remembered and had someone spy on them.

And y'all know these stinky, wrinkly, old raisins, they'll do anything for money.

Probably planning to kidnap her and perform scientific experiments on her or sell her to some other corrupt corporation that wants to study her for money.

Cue Kuryu scheming to kidnap ____.

Let me set the scene:

Ryu has had people lurking around Nameless City to help himself in higher ranking with Kuryu.

They find out about ___ being non-human and also being Smoky's s/o, so now they have someone they can not only use as leverage against Smoky but a non-human being is probably gonna get them a shit ton of money.

Probably went into Nameless City and pretended to kidnap the kids as a distraction. They're looking out for Rude, and once they see ___ jump into the fight, they shove all the kids out of the van, keep her locked in, and drive off.

"___!"

"THEY TOOK ___!"

The members split up, half running after the van and the other half get the kids to safety but now they're confused because wtf are they gonna do?! Smoky is gonna be furious that another family member was taken, no less the love of his life.

The members who ran after the van couldn't stop them before the van left Nameless City. Rude all meet up to go and find Smoky, finding him and Lala together.

"Smoky... we have bad news" (P)

Smoky looked at his members, "Where's ___?"

"She was taken. The kids were just a way to lure her out and distract us. Once they got their hands on her they let everyone else go. We're sorry. We should've paid better attention." (Takeshi)

All the members have their heads hung low, ashamed they couldn't come back with everyone.

Smoky looked into the distance, "They're coming," he whispered.

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

I don't know how long Cobra was held by Kuryu group when he got kidnapped but for the sake of this story, I'm gonna say he's been there for a whole night and this is his second day in there when ___ arrives to join him.

___ fights with the dudes who are in the back of the van with her the whole entire ride. These dudes are trying to hold her down and she's just jumping everywhere and kicking them the van literally can not drive smoothly because she's jumping from wall to wall in the back. Once they get to their destination, more men come out and are able to hold her down so now she's locked up with Cobra.

The two are chained facing each other and this is the first time Cobra actually sees her face since last time they met she had her hood up.

These 2 are literally getting beat up in this room together but neither will give Kuryu the information they want.

"You can leave Cobra, just give us what we want. We want Rude's leader, not you." Cobra proceeds to glare at the Kuryu cronies without an answer. The man turns around and goes towards ___ and makes her look at him by grabbing her hair. "Or maybe his girlfriend will talk. Tell me where your boyfriend is monster."

"I'll die before I tell you where any of them are."

This leads to him beating her with a pipe. The catch is that her wounds start healing themselves right as they appear on her body so it leaves the Kuryu guys confused. He leaves to report his findings which leaves the two alone for a while.

Cue the bonding time.

"___, your eyes."

"Yes Cobra, I know my eyes close a different way," ___ says as she laughs at him.

"You're not human?"

"No. Smoky makes me wear my hood up to cover my eyes so that other people don't see that my eyes close differently."

"What are you?"

"I don't really know. I just know that I'm not human. All I can remember is that I crashed just outside of Nameless City and the kids found me one day while I was wandering around. They introduced me to Rude Boys a while later and then I became part of the family."

"Do you like it there?"

"I don't know anything else but I do. I like the Nameless City family, it's really big, and everyone takes care of each other."

"That's nice to know. What about your injuries?"

"They heal on their own. I can heal other people too but only small things like cuts, bruises, and the flu."

"I'm gonna ask Smoky if I can borrow you during flu season, the Sannoh guys are awful when they're sick."

The two laugh and continue to make small talk and yank on the chains holding them to try and escape.

As night starts to fall, the Kuryu cronies are back and Cobra and ___ are back to getting beaten.

"We want to take out Rude's leader, you get me?"

"Smoky and the others will get out before you can find them," says ___. The cronies aren't too happy to hear it so they start beating them up again.

Mr. Kurosaki walks in and looks at the two. He bends down to Cobra's level and looks at him before turning to look at ___. "If he won't talk, we don't need him, give him the cement. Her, get her ready for the operating table. The scientists we recruited want to do tests on the monster."

"The only monster in here is you."

Mr. Kurosaki sends a slap to ___'s face. "Carry on," he says as he leaves.

As the cronies are untying ___ to take her elsewhere and trying to make Cobra ingest the cement, Kohaku and Tsukumo break in.

"That smoothie looks disgusting. It could upset his stomach." The two are able to beat everyone up and get Cobra and ___ out of their chains. As they help the two stand, ___ looks at Cobra alarmed.

"Cobra, Smoky."

"Kohaku we have to hurry. Smoky is in danger." The two men grabbed Cobra and ___, put them on their motorcycles, and headed towards Nameless City.

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

"Almost everyone was taken."

"I refuse to move out no matter what!"

"They can't just do this to us."

"What about ___?"

As the group is talking, Smoky joins them.

"Smoky, you should stay in bed."

"Get ready to clear out."

"Hey, are we deserting Nameless City?"

"No! There's nowhere else to go! And what about ___?!"

"We've been living our lives for someone else. We kept ourselves alive by helping each other. Our dreams were always someone else's dreams. But things have to change now. From now on, you have to dream for yourselves, and not for other people. In a new town."

"But Smoky, I want to stay here. With all of us here together."

"Eri, don't worry. We'll always be together. The way we are now, we can survive anywhere."

The group felt the ground begin to shake and ran out to check what was happening. Kuryu was laying waste to the city.

"Everybody run! Go!" shouted Takeshi. P grabbed Lala and Eri, taking them as they both shouted for Smoky to go with them.

"Takeshi, you go too."

"What about you?"

"I'll lure them away."

"What about ___? What do I tell her when she comes back?"

Smoky turned back to look at him, "Take care of everyone."

"Smoky-"

"Go."

Takeshi knew there was no point in arguing with Smoky so he looked at his leader one last time and followed the others out.

(I don't want to write this next part 😭) (I'm gonna cut out some of the dialogue and only write the parts that are needed to go with this story)

"Are you here to kill me?"

"I have orders. I can't refuse them."

"SO THIS IS WHERE HE WAS! YOUR LITTLE INHUMAN GIRLFRIEND CAN'T HELP YOU THIS TIME!"

"Hey, Smoky. What's so special about this place anyways?"

"You wouldn't understand, Cain."

"Don't call me by that name! GET HIM!"

Smoky let out a small smile. "It was a cold night like this, the day that it happened. When I was abandoned in this town, and the world forgot about me. But, I found my true family here. A family with bonds stronger than blood. I got to experience love. I had faith in my future and was happy with my family. I was happy with my love even if it was short-lived. Without a doubt, I have lived the best life."

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

Tsukumo and Kohaku came into the building supporting Cobra and ___.

"Where's Smoky?!" shouted Cobra.

___ let go of Tsukumo and ran towards her family.

She doesn't care who sees at this point, she's using every freakin power she can conjure out of her hands to save Smoky.

Takeshi looks at her "____, he's gone"

"No, no he's not. I can fix this," she whispers shakily.

Everyone sits around her and watches as the girl hovers above him trying to resurrect him.

Lala kneels down next to ____.

She lets out sounds of frustration mixed with sobs as she continues trying and saying "No, please, I can fix this" to herself as if it were a mantra. Her voice grows with her emotions. "I can fix this. I can fix this. I can fix this. I CAN FIX THIS! I CAN FIX IT!"

____ lays her head on Smoky's chest. "Why didn't you wait for me?" she whispers to him.

Lala pulls ____ away from her brother's body and into a hug. The two cry, having lost the person they both love most.

As everyone else digs a place to put Smoky to rest, Lala and ____ sit together with him. ____ fixed them into a position where his head laid on her lap as he always liked to do. Her sobs stopped, but tears continued to fall from her eyes as she healed the cuts and bruises making them go away. If she couldn't bring him back, at least she could make his wounds go away so that they didn't hurt wherever he was.

"Your tears shine just like the stars you make for the kids to play with. If he saw you like this he would tell you how pretty they are, but then he would wipe your tears and tell you that he liked it better when you smiled." Lala let a faint smile grace her face as she pictured how her brother would look speaking to ____ and brushing her tears away.

"He would take one look at us and ask who made us cry, then threaten to fight them afterward huh?"

"Yeah, yeah he would."

The boys came back to pick up Smoky's body. As they began lowering him down, ____ grabbed onto his arm.

"____, let him go. We will all miss him, but you have to let him go in peace," whispered Takeshi as he looked at the broken girl.

"I can't. I don't think I'm ready," ____ whispered back.

Cobra walked over to ____ and gently released her hand from Smoky's arm. "Let him go ____. He lived a good life and he's in a better place now."

____ begins to cry again as her beloved is lowered into the ground and covered. More tears came out of her eyes as he became less visible.

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

The rest of Rude along with the girls stayed in the old Mugen warehouse for the night, not wanting to go to back to Nameless City quite yet.

No one was able to sleep, so they stayed up to talk.

"What happened while I was gone?"

"When we came back to tell Smoky that they took you, he knew that something big was about to happen. He told everyone to clear out, including me. I asked him what I was supposed to tell you once you came back and he wasn't here, all he said was to take care of everyone." A tear fell down Takeshi's face as he finished. ___ had never seen any of the Rude Boys cry since she became a part of the family. They always said that they didn't have time to cry, and that they always had to be strong.

Lala grabbed ___'s hand. "___, what happened to you when you were gone?"

"I was held captive in the same room as Cobra. We were both chained to the ceiling. Kuryu wanted information on Smoky, but neither of us would talk so we got beat up. The guy who was hitting me with a bat realized that my injuries were healing themselves. This caused them to experiment on me later and figured out that if I'm repeatedly injured, it takes longer for the wounds to heal. How is everyone holding up?"

She got all sorts of answers varying from "Not great", to "awful", and "I hate this".

"I know that we all miss Smoky, but let's not let his death keep us from continuing to live, okay?"

"Okay. For Smoky!" yelled the boys.

The group began breaking off into smaller conversations, Lala and ___ broke off to have girl talk.

"___, are you alright?"

"In what context Lala?"

"Losing my brother, getting beaten up, everything."

"If I'm being honest Lala, no. No, I'm not okay. The last thing I got to say to Smoky was 'I'll be back, wait for me' and I didn't even get to keep my word. He didn't live long enough to see me come back. Kuryu cronies' beatings didn't even hurt as much as when I walked into the warehouse and saw Smoky lifeless. I feel so useless. I would transfer life energy to Smoky and then practiced so hard to get my magic stronger, all for nothing to work. What is the point in being some other extraterrestrial being if I couldn't even do anything."

"You transferred your life energy into Smoky? Isn't that dangerous?"

"I think so. I started feeling the affects after the second time I did it."

"That's why you were super pale and tired that one day huh?"

"Yeah..."

"Do you know how mad Smoky would be if he knew you were doing that?"

"It's a good thing he never found out then isn't it?"

The two girls looked at each other and laughed, thankful that even in times of sorrow they still had each other to find light in.

"What about you? Are you okay Lala?"

"No, not really. I miss my brother, I'm worried about the rest of our family, and I'm worried about where we'll go from here. Will we all go back to Nameless City? We couldn't even bring ourselves to go back tonight, will we ever be okay again?"

"Smoky always said that he believed we were the strongest in SWORD, we'll be okay."

Lala looked at ___ and nodded. Smoky always believed they would fly higher than anyone else, they'll all be okay eventually.

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

Rude Boys, Amamiya Brothers, Kohaku, Tsukumo, and Cobra sat together in the old Mugen warehouse.

___ hasn't talked to anyone else other than her family members since Smoky's burial. She sat with Lala who held her, knowing she needed the comfort.

After some time ___ got out of her spot and walked to Cobra. "Cobra."

"Hm?"

"Turn your head this way," she said as she pointed to her left.

He was confused but did as the girl said.

She held her hand up to his face and helped lighten the bruising. "That's all I can do because I'm a bit weak right now, but it'll help the bruises heal faster."

"Thank you ___." Cobra offered her the seat next to him on his motorcycle but she shook her head no and walked back to sit with Lala.

Lala looked at the two and smirked knowingly.

The other SWORD Gangs arrived, listening to how they would be able to take Kuryu down. With their plan down, everyone split up to do their respective tasks.

As Tsukumo, Sannoh, Lala, and ___ arrived at the second test center, they scoped out the area.

"It's only for women, we'll go in."

"Are you guys sure? ___ you're still weak from when we were captured."

"I'm fine. We'll be fine."

The two girls jumped in through the window and began sneaking around to look for Eri.

As the two girls were tip-toeing towards the noise, Lala looked at ___ and whispered. "My brother just died, can you wait a while before you start dating Cobra?"

"LALA," ___ whisper yelled. "I'm not dating anyone else. Come on, this way, it's not the time to make jokes we have to find Eri." Lala laughed at her best friend's reaction.

The girls entered a room and hid behind a pillar.

"Aunty." (Lala)

"Lala, ___."

"What happened?" (___)

"Eri. They're looking for her."

"Why Aunty?" (Lala)

"She was the first to test positive for the illness, but she's escaped."

"Where to?" (Lala)

"She went to-"

"Smoky's grave. She has to have gone back to Nameless City to say goodbye to him. She's young, not stupid. She must've known what would happen when Smoky sent all of you out."

Lala and ___ thanked the woman and went back out of the building the way they came.

"Eri was the first to get a positive test back." (Lala)

"Okay. Is she inside?" (Tsukumo)

"No, she's escaped to go see Smoky." (___)

"Let's get to Nameless City." (Cobra)

(Yes, ___ did jump on Mr. Junpei's motorcycle to get to Nameless City and Lala did make fun of her again for it later)

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

(I don't know what happens to Nameless City or its residents after the third movie and I can't find any information online either so for the sake of this story I'm gonna say that the explosives were removed from Nameless City and the Rude Boys members are working to rebuild Nameless City for the residents to move back in.)

The SWORD gangs were able to rescue Eri and expose Kuryu, but unfortunately life didn't go back to being the same.

The Nameless City residents' home wasn't the same. The Rude Boys have to work to rebuild what once was.

Rude Boys are missing their leader. Takeshi wants to hand the role over to ___ but ___ insists that Takeshi take over the role as she sees him the most fit and assures him that Smoky would agree.

___ and Takeshi become closer as if they were blood siblings when he's feeling the weight of being the leader crashing down on him and she listens to his struggles and helps advise him as best as she could like she once did with Smoky.

Everyone visits Smoky's grave separately to talk to him. It could be for something positive that happened, or something negati ve. Whatever it is, everyone still felt that Smoky would always be leader and that he was listening and guiding them from somewhere far away.

Lala and ___ continue to be as close as ever. Lala makes fun of ___ because she is convinced Cobra has a crush on her while ___ fires back that if that's the case then Hiroto has a crush on Lala.

The two girls cry and mourn together but also bicker and have fun like real sisters.

Eri spends a lot of time with ___ because she feels as though ___ is the closest connection she has to Smoky. Eri doesn't ask the others about Smoky but runs to ___ knowing that she will always share stories and memories with Eri without hesitation.

Eri always remembers to tell ___ to engulf Nameless City with her positive energy at night because she knows the other kids miss Smoky and life before the incident as much as she does, and ___'s energy gives them a similar feeling.

The kids ask ___ to release stars at night more often so everyone can enjoy them.

Eri asks ___ for trails of stars at night so that they can guide Smoky back to them and watch over them. (screaming crying throwing up oh my god)

Life is getting better..... or so everyone thought.

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

It's another day in Nameless City.

Rude Boys are gathering materials and supplies to restore their home when Kuryu Group vans start driving into their territory.

The Rude Boys members tell everyone to hide and get to safety.

Cain steps out of his car and stands in between his men. "Hello kids, I haven't seen you guys in a while. When did I last step foot here?" he puts his hand on his chin, pretending to think. "Oh! Right! When I laid waste to your leader."

"Why you-"

"Stop it Yu. Getting a reaction out of us is exactly what he wants. SWORD won against Kuryu, what the hell are you guys doing here? Get out of our territory or we fight." (Takeshi)

"I'm not here for a fight today. Everyone is allowed to stay in this little dump of a place you guys call home. I just want her," Cain says as he points to ___.

P and Yu move to stand in front of ___, blocking her from Cain's sight.

"No. Get out of here." (P)

"Ah but you haven't even heard the best part. I will leave and never come back to this city as long as I get ___. I'll take her peacefully, and let you all off. If you all refuse, I will kill everyone this time, and still take her after this whole place burns down. Take your pick. I know you want to protect your family, maybe choose the option where I don't have to kill everyone."

"I'll go." (___)

"WHAT?!"

"I'll go with them. We can't have all of our work go to waste."

"No ___. Don't do it." (Lala)

As ___ pushes through P and Yu, Takeshi grabs her arm. He whispered loud enough for the Rude members to hear but not Kuryu. "No ___, you can't. We need you here in Nameless City. What is everyone gonna do without you?"

"You guys have lived without me before, you can do it again."

"But Smoky said I had to take care of everyone."

"You are taking care of everyone Takeshi. You've been doing amazing at taking care of everyone and rebuilding Nameless City for our family. Letting me go is apart of taking care of everyone. If I don't go, they will lay waste to Nameless City 10 times over."

"But Smoky said-"

"I know Takeshi, but Smoky would've also done what is best for the family, right?"

"Yes..."

"This is the best move now. You're all going to be just fine. Like Smoky says, with the way you all are you will survive anywhere and fly higher than anyone else."

Takeshi slowly let go of ___'s arm. As she began walking towards Kuryu, Eri came out of her hiding place running.

"WAIT! ___!" she grabbed onto the girl's waist and held on tightly.

"You can't go too. Please stay. We're a family, we have to stay together."

___ bent down to be eye level with Eri. "Eri, we are a family, we will always be together even if you can't see me. You and the rest of the kids be good okay? Help your big brothers and sisters a lot okay?"

Lala came to take Eri away. Eri reluctantly let go of ___ and turned to cry into Lala's arms.

___ looked over her family and her home one last time and got into the van.

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

Needles, poking, prodding, test results, start the process over. Not only was she being tested on, Kuryu cronies were allowed to beat her for "scientific purposes".

Oh how she wished this time she had Cobra chained on the other side of the room same as her to talk to in between getting beat up. But she's thankful her choice has allowed SWORD to live in peace.

Zenshin (the guy that Cobra kicked) walks in after one of Kuryu's punching sessions and bends down to her eye level. "Are those brats really all worth this? Not that I'm complaining. You've made us quite a good amount of money. Everyone is dying to come see the monster girl who is locked up here and get DNA samples."

"The only monster in this room is you," she said to him.

He laughs at her and leaves the room.

That night as ____ lays limply on the operating table, she looks up at the sky through the only small window she can see through in the warehouse and sees a shooting star come her way.

____ shakily puts her hands together, closes her eyes, and makes her wish.

Last time I wished for us to stay together forever. This time, I wish that in every life, our universes collide.

And with her last breath, ____ smiles and whispers “I love you in every universe Smoky. Please wait for me.”

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

The Rude boys, Lala, and Eri sit together by their bondfire in silence.

“Where do you think ____ is? Do you think she’s okay?” (Takeshi)

Lala and Eri continue to look at the stars and realize that the stars look a little different tonight. The lone bright star they have been seeing since Smoky’s passing now has a star just as bright sitting next to it. The two stars twinkle at them as if they were calling out to the girls, trying to tell them something, and then it hits them.

“____ is okay. She’s with Smoky.”

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

Letting other people hurt my feelings❌

Hurting my own feelings ✅

You made it to the end! Comments, feedback, likes, and reblogs are appreciated. (Please be nice to me and don't come for my throat. I haven't written since 2021 I am coming out of a long-ass writing block and I know my writing is bad lol.)

This story is not proof-read and my grammar sucks so...

Where are all my Smoky simps at? Why do I feel like I am by myself?! I need friends please come out of hiding😭

Please don't repost my work anywhere.

This is just an idea vomit/imagine post. I might turn it into a full story once I can put all these ideas into an actual story that doesn't have plot holes :) but we shall see.

[eatprayworm]

it’s a love story baby just say yes // amagai/suzaki in high&low the worst x

after watching the movie multiple times, i feel confident in this conclusion:  high&low the worst x is a love story. it’s a movie all about the power of friendship, the importance of love, and how that love between individuals & groups saves the day. as a series, high&low blurs the line between romance and friendship, and this movie is one of its most blatant examples; whether you want to call it platonic or romantic, in the end, it's love. so i’m here to talk about how the heart of the movie is amagai & suzaki’s love story. let’s get started!

beginning: the sky

the movie begins with a shot of the sky, from the rooftops - which we later learn is the metaphorical top view that amagai and suzaki have sought since childhood. so from the very start, we're presented with their end goal in mind. the movie wants you to know that this is where it all begins, with two boys' desire to see the sky.

“from the moment people are born, it’s all been decided - whether you get to look down on others, or have to look up at others.”

the camera then pans down as amagai shares his black&white philosophy on humans, and it’s pretty standard antagonistic talk. you’re either on top or the bottom, a ruler or a servant, and it’s very clear that he sees himself as the first of these. we then watch amagai and suzaki storm the school, amassing a group of followers from senomon and other schools, leading to the group all standing outside the school. it's a show of power and solidarity.

but when the group starts moving forward, suzaki stays behind, watching amagai and his gang leave. the illusion of a powerful union has been fractured. eventually suzaki is all alone in the courtyard, and he pensively turns his gaze to the sky. 

thus, the film's introduction has set up the major conflict in the film: not between senomon and oya high, but between amagai and suzaki. amagai leads his alliance, but suzaki stays behind - they are not walking together on this journey, at least not emotionally. rather than walking beside amagai, suzaki ponders the sky, the representation of their childhood dream. 

amagai prowls into a violent future, suzaki holds onto their past. the stage is set.

the view

let’s start with amagai and suzaki’s childhood. the two have known each other since they were small boys, and we're shown a scene of suzaki moping after he was bullied. amagai shows up and says he took a bat (lmao) and used it to beat up suzaki’s bullies. he also brings suzaki soda to cheer him up. suzaki vows to one day be strong enough to protect amagai from harm, and together they promise to take in the view from the top together. they're all smiles and laughter, wide-eyed innocence.

this is the foundation of their relationship:  companionship and a shared dream. just two boys against the world because they are friends, and that’s what friends do.

the loyal dog, a torn heart

in the present, their relationship looks very, very different.

gone is the sweet-smiled amagai who dotes on suzaki; gone is the companionship, the understanding that they’re equals. throughout the movie, suzaki acts as amagai’s attack dog instead. all amagai has to do is lift his finger or nod his head, and suzaki immediately acts accordingly without hesitation, doing some pretty awful things in amagai’s name. more than once, amagai yells at suzaki to go do his job, because that’s how he sees suzaki - not as a friend, but just another minion (except not entirely, which we discuss later).  amagai doesn’t smile at him, doesn’t laugh like a friend would. he only acknowledges suzaki’s presence when he has an order for him. suzaki’s expression is always closed off during these moments; he shows neither joy nor disdain at doing his job - and he always, always does his job.

essentially, they have gone from childhood friends to employer/subordinate, or handler/dog. it’s bleak for them.

however, as the opening scene teased, there is a disconnect between amagai and suzaki. we see this in an early scene when amagai promises his minions that they’ll see the top if they stick with him. suzaki turns to give amagai a sideways glance. the muscles in his cheek twitch. his eyes harden. he’s upset.

amagai is promising their childhood dream to people who don’t give a single fuck about amagai as a person; they're only here because suzaki beat them into submission and amagai threw money their way. that dream of seeing the top? that belonged to them. 

suzaki is relegated to bodyguard attack dog while amagai doles out their dream, their childhood love, to others. this is the crux of their conflict. amagai only cares about the victory, not whoever stands by his side and helps make it possible. he’s cast aside their past, their love, while suzaki desperately clings to it.

interestingly, suzaki doesn’t speak up about this. that’s kind of a theme. 

amagai acts with a cold, brutal violence that suzaki clearly dislikes - he sends amagai furtive glaces whenever amagai displays unsavory behavior. for instance, suzaki beat tsukasa in a fair fight, and when tsukasa was already down for the count, amagai starts beating tsukasa with a pipe. amagai then snaps at suzaki to “stop wasting time on this chump”, to which suzaki levels another infamous disapproving side eye to his old friend. that wasn't necessary, his eyes say. stop acting like this.

again, he disagrees with amagai’s methods, and again, he stays silent. he is loyal, oh so loyal, but that does not equate to condoning what amagai does. why doesn’t he speak up? it could be any number of reasons. he doesn’t want to upset amagai. he’s clinging to the person amagai used to be. i talk more about this here. 

love makes him stay. love keeps him quiet. this clearly causes him distress, but suzaki suffers in silence. better to stay quiet than lose amagai. he’s all suzaki wants at the end of the day.

the warped heir, a childhood dream: of limos and schools

in front of the other guys, amagai treats suzaki as nothing more than a pawn. but when he’s alone or only with suzaki, his body language and tone tell a very different story.

first, we find out that surprise, suzaki’s dad is actually amagai’s chaffeur! the limo is important because not only does it represent the power imbalance between suzaki and amagai (discussed later), but it also represents their emotionally distant relationship. suzaki is left on the curb as amagai gets in the limo and suzaki’s dad drives him away, and suzaki watches them go in silence. there is a clear divide here: suzaki is not welcomed in amagai’s private life, his personal space. suzaki is always on the outside, looking in on amagai who continues to shut him out.

inside the privacy of the limo, amagai’s features soften. suzaki’s dad asks amagai if suzaki has been useful to him, homing in on the idea that suzaki is a tool to be used as opposed to a friend. the normally bratty, loud amagai is silent, half-cast in shadow, half in the light. suzaki is not the only one who is rendered into contemplative silence by the reminder of their childhood, their relationship.

we see a flashback of amagai’s first day at senomon. he snaps at suzaki’s dad for making a comment about amagai transferring here, since it’s implied that amagai transferred because of delinquency as opposed to a choice. suzaki’s dad then says that he transferred suzaki to senomon to be with amagai. an important reveal: for better or worse, suzaki's dad has essentially sold his son to please amagai and his family. but IS amagai pleased?

amagai lifts his head, expression softer, uncertain. this news clearly means something to him based on the mixed emotions he shows, but we don't know what.

just like that, the two former best friends see each other face to face for the first time in almost a decade.

amagai keeps his expression closed off, while suzaki looks remarkably lighter than he does in the present. he seems a little uncertain, but there’s a little quirk to his lips, something hopeful. he expects amagai to greet him, to like him just like he used to. surely they’re going to be friends, just like old times. 

but amagai says nothing more and walks into the school. suzaki, as always, follows.

other students remark on how the legendary suzaki is attending their school. amagai glances their way - perhaps he did not know of his old friend’s reputation as the king of his former school. amagai sniffs out an opportunity. it’s already established that he was a troublemaker, hence the school transfers, but now he has the key to staying in power uncontested. again, amagai is focused on the end goal of being on top and in power. he doesn't focus on the human element, the emotional aspect, that it takes for him to get there. humans are to be used, not loved, and he's found the perfect boy to use.

suzaki, on the other hand, doesn’t care about the others gossiping about him. he keeps his eyes on amagai because that’s all he cares about. so when amagai tells suzaki that they’re going to take over the school, suzaki immediately falls in line and agrees. he’s finally reunited with his best friend, the only person here suzaki cares about. of course he is going to say yes. we then see suzaki start to beat people up in the name of amagai. the new status quo has been set.

back in the present, suzaki’s dad says that amagai makes suzaki very happy.  but the thing is, suzaki ISN'T very happy. he's ridiculously loyal and in love, but the way his jaw started twitching when amagai promised their childhood dream to some randos wasn't the gesture of a man who's happy with this scenario. he’s happy to be with amagai, sure, but to say he’s super happy in general is ignorant of suzaki’s emotional turmoil. suzaki can’t be truly happy until amagai accepts his devotion for what it is: love.

like every other comment the dad makes about suzaki, amagai says nothing. he stays quiet, unwilling to make eye contact. here, sealed away in a limo, he is no king. he’s just a boy thinking about his old friend, the one who means more to him than he lets on.

the warped heir, a childhood dream pt. 2: of vulnerabilities and sodas

fujio and tsukasa are set up as the foils of amagai and suzaki. fujio and tsukasa deeply love and respect each other, and their love (and love for their schoolmates) shines through the whole movie. so naturally, once amagai and tsukasa speak, we’re given insight into the amagai+suzaki conflict.

amagai taunts tsukasa for having friends because strong people don’t need those, and tsukasa, bloody and beaten up, just laughs and touches on the biggest nerve he could: a reminder that amagai is someone unloved.

amagai visibly shakes in rage and starts kicking the shit out of tsukasa in return. he’s so angry because he knows tsukasa is right. no one cares about amagai kohei except for the money in his pockets.

of course, that isn’t actually true.

the camera pans to suzaki, sadly staring at the ground as amagai unleashes his cruelty. 

suzaki, who loves amagai.

suzaki, who would rescue amagai in a heartbeat without interest in repayment because that’s what friends do. 

suzaki, who is waiting for amagai to look at him and really see him.

afterwards, suzaki is left alone with a can of soda (the same he and amagai drank as kids) and another memory. in this flashback, he catches amagai bragging to his minions how his dad saved suzaki’s dad from bankruptcy and thus made suzaki’s family indebted to his. a confirmation of what was alluded to earlier in the limo, that there is a power imbalance between their families, one that's trickled down to the sons. he hears amagai calling suzaki his tool since childhood. suzaki is visibly in his feelings about this.

when the minions leave, suzaki reveals himself. it’s just him and amagai now.

the boisterous amagai has settled down, looking softer and calmer now that it’s just him and suzaki. this is intentional; ryoki aka amagai’s actor has stated that because suzaki is different, that he’s special to amagai, that amagai is a little different around him. suzaki cracks the mask of smug confidence that amagai wears, revealing the boy within.

suzaki gives amagai a soda, the same from their childhood, the same he’s reflecting on in the present. it is implied that amagai gave suzaki money for the drinks, and he tells suzaki to keep the change - because he thinks suzaki cares about the money, like he was somehow doing suzaki a kindness by telling him to keep the rest. when instead, the soda is the real gift. it represents their childhood, when amagai beat up suzaki's bullies and then bought snacks for him to cheer him up. the soda aka their bond is what matters, not the money. but amagai refuses to see that.

and then, something amazing happens. for the first time this movie, suzaki confronts amagai. he seizes the moment to question amagai’s declaration that he’s only a pawn. surely that can’t be right? yes, amagai orders him around, but they’re still friends at the end of the day, right?

amagai immediately turns away and doesn’t look at suzaki. it’s the same reaction he had when suzaki’s dad brings up amagai’s relationship with suzaki - he cannot confront this vulnerability face-on.  suzaki makes him too honest, too human.

without looking at suzaki, amagai recites that everyone who works for him just wants his money, including suzaki. it doesn't sound like an original thought; it sounds like he’s reading off a script. someone taught him, either directly or by experience, that this is the way of the world. he's a walking cash register. it's all he has to offer.

suzaki disagrees. amagai briefly looks at suzaki again when suzaki protests and snaps that he can't trust friends. and then amagai looks away from suzaki, sighs, and softly says that all he needs is tools. it's like he has to remind himself of this mantra because suzaki's mere presence is a threat to this conviction. the part of him that’s still that little boy with a baseball bat and a soda can wants to believe suzaki, wants to reach out and take the hand that suzaki is extending. but he can’t; he won’t. because to do so would be weakness, and he cannot afford to be weak and to put trust in someone else.

the part of him that’s damaged from past experiences doesn’t allow him to believe that suzaki is being genuine to him. whatever happened to amagai to make him this cruel, violent, untrusting being remains in power, at least for now.

suzaki’s love is rejected. and so, the conflict continues.

childhood rediscovered

the denouement of their conflict begins with suzaki reflecting on the soda once again. the big war between the schools has begun downstairs. amagai storms in, barking orders as usual, and suzaki places the soda can down with a loud thunk. the childhood dream is set aside. back to their new reality. amagai flexes his power by demanding that suzaki does his job - as if that was even a question. suzaki can and will do just about anything for amagai.

yet, suzaki hesitates in that moment. not because he's considering disobeying amagai, but because he's so frustrated that amagai would need to say that in the first place. when has he ever not done his job? why can't amagai see that suzaki loves him? he's hurting in silence once more. but he's a good dog and after a moment of painful seething, he does what he's told: beat people in amagai's name.

and suzaki does. he fights, and fights, and fights. not for senomon, not for himself, but for amagai. this is how he loves - through endless devotion. meanwhile, amagai stays on the second floor of the gym, safe and up high. he remarks how those fighting below are idiots, once again showing that he thinks he’s above them - and he literally is, in this case. there are only two kinds of humans, after all, and amagai is the kind that’s above the rest.

until he isn’t.

then amagai and tsukasa, who started brawling, fall from the second floor onto the first. suddenly, amagai is no longer on top, the ruling class. now he’s in the danger zone, at the same level as everyone else. so what does he do? 

he screams for suzaki, who comes when called.

oya, housen, and suzuran take over the gym, crushing amagai’s alliance. once the allied schools see they’re not going to win this battle, they leave. amagai screams at them, demanding they do their job, as he has done many times before with suzaki. but these men are not suzaki. they have no loyalty to amagai beyond his wallet. they fought, they got money - no point in sticking around when they’re obviously going to lose. 

but there’s one person who does, and always has, cared about amagai. the one who will never leave his side. and so suzaki literally limps over, placing himself bodily between amagai and the other gangs. he defiantly lifts his chin, dares them to try it. they have to go through him if they want amagai. 

as long as suzaki draws breath, he will always stay with amagai.

fujio and suzaki fight one on one to determine the victor in the big school brawl, with all the other gangs watching. none are watching quite as closely, however, as amagai. as a bloody and bruised suzaki fights fujio to the point that he literally crawls to him to keep the fight going, amagai watches in a state of devastated disbelief. it’s the most emotion he’s shown this whole movie; the mask has completely shattered at the sight of suzaki's devotion. at one point, he murmurs suzaki’s name with a kind of shocked reverence. gone is the tool he ordered around like a master bringing his dog to heel; all that's left is the childhood friend that amagai tried so hard to keep at arm's length.

the fight and shots of an emotional amagai are interspersed with flashbacks to the childhood scene I described at the start. amagai reflects on when he beat up suzaki's bullies, because that's what friends do, and how he promised him that they'd reach the top together. suzaki swore as a child that he'd grow stronger to protect amagai, and sure enough, he has.

amagai is watching suzaki fulfill his childhood promise, even at great cost to himself. suzaki's love is a selfless one.

an emotional song with English lyrics like "stand by you" is playing in the background of this fight, just in case we didn't pick up that this is a romantic moment where the antagonist realizes that he's been loved this entire time. to further drive in that point, we get a scene of tsukasa (suzaki's foil) commenting on the nature of amagai and suzaki's relationship. he verbalizes what we've known all along, and what amagai is just now realizing: that suzaki values amagai deeply and above all else. 

“man... why is suzaki fighting for that jerk?” “to suzaki... he’s more than that.”

that’s why he bleeds. that’s why he breathes. not because amagai is his leader. but because amagai is his love.

humanity 

when suzaki loses, amagai falls back into a familiar coping mechanism: anger and violence. but this time, he takes it a step further. he rushes forward with a knife, intending to stab fujio in the gut. amagai has done some pretty deplorable things before, but nothing as severe and permanent as a homicide attempt. he's barreling down a dark road, one he might not be able to come back from if he succeeds.

but he fails.

suzaki grabs the knife by the blade, saving fujio, and saving amagai from himself.

amagai is horrified. he never wanted to hurt suzaki. but hurt him he has. suzaki has taken amagai's verbal abuse, he's suffered in silence when amagai made poor choices, and here too he takes the physical brunt of amagai's violence. 

he stops amagai from becoming the worst version of himself; he is, and always has been, amagai's tether to humanity.

“what is your problem? you know you shouldn’t use that kind of thing!”

for the second time this movie, suzaki confronts amagai. on his knees with blood dripping from his hand, he finally speaks against amagai’s behavior. for all that he has taken amagai’s violence in stride, there are some lines that simply cannot be crossed. for suzaki, that is murder - a complete loss of humanity. he will not allow his friend to do that.

he clings to amagai's shirt and says that he's always stayed with amagai because of their dream together. it's essentially a love confession: I'm here because I love you. amagai is silent, looking down at his old friend at shock. when amagai says nothing and remains standing above him, suzaki mournfully remarks that amagai has forgotten their childhood, hasn't he? 

but amagai hasn't forgotten. throughout the movie we see him reflecting on their past and relationship. he remembers, but he never allowed himself to feel it. only now, when faced with a battered suzaki who risked his life to protect amagai, not out of duty but out love, does he allow himself to feel and accept the love that they’ve had since childhood.

amagai’s decision to accept suzaki’s love is not an act of weakness, as he proclaimed earlier, but of humanity. to love is to be human, after all. suzaki saved amagai's humanity by stopping the knife, and he restores it again by loving him unconditionally. suzaki's love is redemptive, strengthening.

and now that amagai truly sees suzaki's love, amagai's whole world has tilted on its axis. he views the sky, his goal, in a different light. at the start of the movie, he believed that the humans on top would reach the sky and look down on the rest of the population. but now he realizes that humans aren't so hierarchal; everyone is beneath the same sky, after all. the toxic mentality he held about humans at the start has been broken by, you guessed it, suzaki's love. 

fujio makes a comment about how senomon may have lost today, but that doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things because senomon has friends who fight for each other. cue suzaki slowly turning to look up at amagai, a silent question. 

as amagai grapples with this discovery, suzaki throws all caution to the wind and asks a question that might as well be a public marriage proposal. this is what the movie has been leading up to this whole time: not a fight between schools, but the rekindling of a friendship. 

suzaki has fulfilled his childhood promise to stay by amagai and grow strong enough to protect him. it’s now amagai’s turn to fulfill his childhood promise to stay with suzaki and see the top with him.

“hey... let’s start over again. will you be my friend? ko-chan?”

it's a love story, amagai, just say yes!!! but because they still have an audience, amagai struggles with being vulnerable, so he makes a dismissive comment in response. suzaki is visibly shattered. but amagai takes a page out of fujio's book (foils!) and drops the tsundere act long enough to crouch down to suzaki's level. he no longer positions himself above suzaki, but meets him at his level, as equals, and declares that he and ryo are in this together. amagai no longer views the desire to get to the top through a narrow lens. he brings suzaki back into the fold; he calls him by his first name, intimate and sweet. he accepts his love and loves him back.

suzaki is stunned and crying, finally hearing the words he's wanted to hear all this time. i'm here, i love you. even when amagai scolds him for crying, he's not actually angry, and he even wipes away his tears for him. after all, amagai spent the entire fight on the verge of tears himself.

the broken friendship has been repaired, and the conflict has been resolved. love saves the day once again.

i like the view right now

their story ends by circling back to the beginning: the infamous sky. everyone else has left the gym except for amagai and suzaki. amagai grouses that they can't even see the sky from here. suzaki doesn't seem bothered by this, though. after all, he's together with amagai, and that's what's most important. he tells amagai as much by once again asking him if they can start over as friends. amagai turns to look at suzaki, and while he doesn't reply with words, he breaks into a grin and starts laughing - the first time he's smiled for real in the film. his joy is contagious, and suzaki grins and laughs too.

“you and i... let’s start over again.” 

they can't see the sky, but that's alright. for the first time since childhood, they're finally seeing each other.

at the very end, the last barrier in their relationship comes down. amagai enters the limo and suzaki stands by, as always. but this time, amagai beckons suzaki to join him with a smile. amagai has finally allowed suzaki into his private life, his physical and emotional space, and not as a tool, but as his beloved friend.

perhaps their story will continue in another movie, or perhaps not. either way, their future is hopeful. everything may not be suddenly sunshine and roses right away, as they have a lot to work through, but high&low characters forgive easily and relationships gradually heal. i think they'll be alright. they have love on their side, after all.

[sollattes]

12:51 am

Shoji sameoka x reader

The light of the TV was the only one that illuminated the room, and shoji could already feel himself starting to drift off to dream as their hands in his hair were not helping.

They were messaging his head after a long day of wearing that tight braid of his.

"You know sho that even if you take care of your hair every day, it's still gonna die down from how tight you wear your braids." They softly nagged at him while still massaging his scalp, occasionally combing the ends of his hair.

Shoji turned his body that was once turned in the direction of the tv. Now, looking at his partner, he looked up at them and said, "Okay then, prof. Know-it-all-about-hair, if you're such an expert about it, how about you do my hair for tomorrow, hm " he gave them the signature dimpled teasing smile that was reserved for them. Only them.

They shook their head fondly at him, "Pretty sure, if I did your hair tomorrow, no one will take you seriously."

"And why do you say that?" Shoji took their hand that was once stroking their hair.

"Cause im sure no one would believe their eyes that the quiet, stoic, cold, and heartless leader of ebera high is wearing pigtails to a fight." Now it was their turn to smile teasingly at him. Instead of retaliating back, shoji once just smiled fondly at them.

"Even though I would be wearing pigtails, I would still be kicking everyone's ass and flaunting my hairstyle that my wonderful partner made me" shoji knew that this kind of behaviour would always make his partner blush and shy away.

"Shut up sho" and just what he predicted, they blushed and covered their face to hide the Blush that was spreading on their face

Shoji let go of their hand, and reached up to remove the hand that was covering their face and slowly took it his lips and kissed, they slowly gave him a look full of affection and adoration, they knew all too well what that kiss meant; it was a non-verbal way of saying;

"I love you"

they slowly bent down and gave him a long kiss on their forehead, it meant;

"I love you more"

They could stay like this forever, and shoji wouldn't mind. In fact, he would prefer to stay like this forever.

[jasperteas]

some of my zelgug headcanons just for fun !!

they got their ears pierced together! (both now wear black studs) (also they paint each other's nails black. very important)

they're t4t, bi4bi and ace4ace (the end of fhsy isn't what you think i swear i swear. as an asexual they are soooo ace coded if you ignore that)

they go on a lot of picnics, mostly under the thistlespring tree-they like spending most of their time together outside!

zelda's always in the front row of any fig and the cig figs shows she can make it to-and gorgug's taught her a little bit of drumming! she sits in on band meetings sometimes and tries to pick up some instruments but doesn't really (she's a great singer though-mostly w metal stuff)

their love language is very much quality time/parallel play, almost every weekend they'll spend a few hours or even a night at the other's, most of the time doing their own separate tasks.

^ on top of that they are both autistic because i'm autistic and i said so (gorgug is 100% neurodivergent coded though)

they've claimed their own little booth in basrar's that atp no one else really uses and basrar puts a little "reserved" sign on the table for them every friday <3 (they have dates there very friday after school <33 gorgug walks her there & to her house)

most of their time together is spent either UNDER the thistlespring tree (usually while his parents are away) or at zelda's (usually while HER parents are away) gorgug is more comfy that way

gorgug has made. so. many. tin flowers for her. she offhandedly mentioned her favourite flower once and now he only makes her favourite

a lot of this might be obvious or implied in canon idk it's midnight but!!!! they are so dear to me

[strxwberrychocolate]

˗ˏˋ bittersweet ࿐ྂ Fujio and the girl who’s been in love with him since middle school

notes: based off the boy I've loved since 6th grade who I know will never like me back and resembles fujio's personality a little too much. It's going to be 8 years as of 2023 October and I'm still not over him but it's okay, I'm alright with pining. the oc is literally just a self-insert so it's a mirror of myself and this is written in first-pov. long story short, this is my life story put into a short fic

warnings: canon-typical violence, recreational drug use, underage drinking, alcohol abuse, smoking, mentions of abusive relationships, implied physical abuse, mentioned eating issues, weight-related talk, shotgun kisses, blood, mentions of periods, references to depression, victim blaming, unhealthy coping mechanisms, mild gore, this is basically a trauma dump in the form of a fic so plz be aware, not edited

pairing: fujio x oc (one-sided), sachio x oc (one-sided)

word count: 6309

❝how did love become love?❞

—

I don’t really remember life before Fujio Hanaoka. But then again, who genuinely remembers life before middle school? I met Fujio in middle school, 6th grade to be exact. Fujio came to my middle school around a month after it started because he was visiting his grandfather in the countryside and his mother decided to prolong their stay. One thing I noticed was that Fujio was popular. Very very popular among all the kids in class. It was then I realized that I was the outsider in this classroom. Everyone had gone to the same elementary school in this classroom and they all already knew each other. But I didn’t feel like an outsider for too long because the teacher had Fujio sit next to me since it was the only empty seat left. I had always been a pretty shy kid so making conversation was always hard but it seems that Fujio knew that so he talked to me first. We talked about the elementary schools we went to, the area we lived in, what we wanted to be when we grew up, and the annoying people in the class. Fujio talked and talked and talked to me and all I did was listen. 

It wasn’t long till I fell in love. 

Fujio knew everything about me. He’d been there at almost every major stage of my life.

Fujio was the one that taught me how to ride a bike, he was the one that listened when I felt insecure about the way I looked, he listened to me talk about my dreams and aspirations, we celebrated when I got her first period with cake(It was more like comforting but it was still a core memory). We’ve been with each other for really most of the important parts of our lives. But I wasn’t his best friend nor was I the one he loved. He loved me but not in the way I wanted him to. 

Middle school ends quicker than I wanted and high school starts. We don’t go to the same high schools but at least it’s in the same area. Fujio goes to Oya High and I go to Meiwa Girls School. It’s like a 5-minute distance from each other. Fujio stays at Oya High for a week until he has to go to the countryside to help his mom take care of his grandfather. I was absolutely devastated but there isn’t anything I could do. I became friends with Tsukasa Takajo during Fujio’s year-long absence. It seemed the blonde boy misses Fujio too. Things happen in SWORD but that isn’t too important. Nothing was really important to me while Fujio was gone. It sounds stupid I know but I was a bit of a hopeless romantic. It was horrible, I know. I waited and waited and waited. 

Things happen during Fujio’s absence other than that whole shit show that is SWORD’s politics. I meet a guy. He’s sweet. He goes to Shutoku Boys High School. We got together too fast. I used to say it was love at first sight. I think I was wrong. No, I definitely was wrong. I don’t really remember how we met— they say the brain blocks out things that were traumatic and too much for it to handle. Was that how it was for me? Things were sweet at first, we’d text and call each other all the time. He was sweet. I think I loved him at one point, at some point. But none of that matters. None of it matters after everything he’d done. We’d talk to each other all the time, eventually, my sleep was gone trying to comfort him about the breakup he had 3 years ago, going out with my friends after school stopped and so did so many other things. I used to really like swimming, I don’t remember the last time I went. I guess I lost all the motivation to do anything. 

I thought it was fine. I thought this was love. I was wrong. 

It was a conversation with Tsukasa I had during my 6th month with him that made me realize what was wrong. “Sweetie, you do know you’re getting abused right?” Tsukasa said with his signature blank face, using the pet name akin to an insult

I laughed awkwardly because I in fact did not know that. It took all night for me to convince Tsukasa not to go beat the shit out of my boyfriend. I think if Tsukasa hadn’t been all burnt out since Fujio’s departure he definitely would have gone to Shutoku and beat the shit out of the guy.

Breaking up with him had been the hardest part. It took 4 months, and 4 tries. Todoroki had been helpful in that. The last try was where Todoroki came in. I won’t go into detail but jealousy and me having to stand my ground was involved. The breakup wasn’t pretty but I was free. Surprisingly I didn’t cry. The breakup happened at 6 am, the morning before a major math test. I’m pretty sure I failed but it was okay, I was free and it was all that mattered. I went to Oya High that day and skipped the rest of my afternoon classes, I wanted to tell Tsukasa and Todoroki about it in person. Turns out, everyone knew about my little problem. Maybe it was because of my very obvious physically deteriorating health and the depression I think I had that made me lose so much motivation that my curly hair was now straight and frizzy. It was nice to have all the support. 

Mostly everyone was supportive and I think I may have talked about it too much, my past relationship I mean. But I just wanted the validation that I wasn’t wrong, that I wasn’t going crazy and all the things he did to me were in fact wrong and disgusting. But some people said it was my fault. Some said I should have left earlier. It made me feel worse. Tsukasa says they’ll never know what I went through unless they’ve experienced the same thing. No one will know about the nights I stayed up crying, not eating and— ah~ I’m rambling again. 

This guy had been a huge factor as to why I changed so much. When I was young, I had issues with eating, I didn’t eat that much and it bothered my mom. But when I did eat she’d encourage me to keep eating so I didn’t fucking die of starvation or something. My ex had been the first to ever tell me to stop eating. I guess it messed me up a lot. Even after I broke up with him, getting back into my usual more healthy habits was hard. Really hard.

My confidence had already been non-existent before but after the breakup, fucking hell I felt terrible. 

It was 3rd year and my grades were horrible, my skin, my teeth, my hair. I just really wasn’t having a good time. I used to drink before. For fun. Now it was just to forget. I wasn’t sad about the breakup itself, I wanted to forget about all that he’d done to me, everything I went through. I was angry. It made me angry that I went through that. How could I let myself go through it? Why didn’t I leave? I think all the anger I was feeling just drowned out all of my sadness. 

I let go of the chance of ever falling in love again. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to feel that way, this way ever again. 

But I guess one part of me knew that if Fujio ever came back and asked for my heart, I’d tear through my skin and muscles and pry open my ribs to give it to him.

—

❝I’m hiding in the rain, always smiling❞

—

It was like the universe finally had pity on me and one day finally, Fujio comes back. I see him outside the gates of Meiwa. Girls are staring at him of course, watching from afar, giggling. I don’t blame them. Fujio was handsome. He had a nice smile and nice features. He was really really good-looking, even more than the last time I saw him. “Fujio” I said walking over, a huge smile on my face

Fujio smiles right back at me. “Hey, long time no see! Miss me?”

“Definitely didn’t” That was a lie, I did, I missed him a lot

We stayed out that night, catching up. I patched up Fujio’s knuckles as I usually did and now we were sitting at an empty park just on the border between Oya and Sannoh. We were sitting on the swings, Fujio right next to me. The sun is setting, lighting up our surroundings in a warm orange and pink. Fujio looks pretty. His tanned skin it lit up in gold. He looks gold. For all I know, Fuijo was spun from pure gold thread. “Tsukasa told me about it… You and that guy” He says

I already knew Tsukasa was going to tell him. I was always a bit scared of that, telling Fujio. Would he be one of the people that supported me and comforted me or would he be one of the people that blamed me for what happened? “Yeah…” I say hesitantly “It was… a lot”

I close my eyes silently waiting for some kind of belittlement or blame but instead, I feel someone stand in front of me. “Hey” Fujio says

I open my eyes. He’s standing in front of me looking down at me while I stay sitting on the swing. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself have you?” Fujio asks, hand coming up to take a strand of my hair between my

I flinch. That was a huge mistake. Anger flashes through Fujio’s eyes as does pity. I feel terrible. Fujio looks like he wants to ask me something but he doesn’t. What he does instead is crouch down in front of me. “Hey” He says, his voice is a little quieter now

I’ve never heard his voice sound like that. It’s new and for some weird reason, I feel guilty. Fujio is looking up at me from where he’s crouched down. The swings are pretty low to the ground so he isn’t tilted his head too far back and I’m not tilting my head too far down either. “You didn’t deserve that” Fujio says

He takes my hand. I know this was supposed to be something heartwarming but my heart was just beating so fast and I started imagining us getting married and having kids and having grandkids and— yeah I got carried away. “And I mean it” Fujio continues “I know whatever I say isn’t going to make it better or change anything that happened but you didn’t deserve that no matter what other people have been telling you”

Figures. Fujio knew what people were saying. He always did. “What if they’re right?” I ask

There always has been this voice in my head telling me that what happened was my fault, that I deserved it. I know I didn’t but, your mind tends to be your own enemy. Fujio scoffs. “Be fucking for real! You…” He tugs a little at my hand and takes the other one as well “...You are the nicest person in this shit hole that I know. You’re so nice to everyone, you may not be the smartest and you are a little stupid and slow but… You’re so sweet. Don’t fucking let anyone tell you it was your fault because no one except you knows what happened. Never, never in your life will you ever deserve to be treated like that.”

Not only did it make my heart feel like it was doing an Olympic-level gymnastics routine in my chest but, I think I finally got the validation I needed after everything that happened. Fujio did just call me stupid in the middle of it but that didn’t matter. Not now. “I’m so so proud of you for getting out of that relationship” Fujio’s thumbs rub along my knuckles, I think he felt me shaking “It doesn’t matter how long it took you, it matters that you did it. You’re okay or… You’re going to be okay. I promise I’ll help you and I’ll make sure that fucking piece of shit will never hurt you again”

Finally, finally I was comforted the way I wanted. I finally got to hear everything I wanted someone to tell me in the first place. Being told you weren’t too broken and you could still be healed felt good. 

Hearing it from Fujio was really just a plus point.

—

❝Eyes meeting but hearts apart, it’s so sweet yet so bitter❞ 

—

Fujio was… Friendly. He was charismatic and very handsome so of course he’s had a bunch of girlfriends and talking stages and friends with benefits. A lot of girls liked him as well, many asking me to set them up with him. I guess in the end I’ll always be that one rare girl best friend that actually isn’t something to worry about. I’m not too sure how to feel about it. Sometimes it feels like Fujio has kissed everyone but me. Am I jealous? Of course, I am. Even now as he shows me a picture of the new girl he’s dating. “She’s pretty” I gush and nudge him, because if I don’t nudge him I might just kiss him

I think I’m a pretty good actor. I’m good at pretending that my heart isn’t tearing itself to shreds every time he talks about another girl. I should definitely win an Oscar award for these performances. I’ve never tried to make Fujio like me. Because I know he doesn’t and no matter what I do, it is no use. I’m not his type nor the one he will ever love. Love can happen eventually, I know that but Fujio will never love me, I’ve already come to terms with that. But even if I have, that doesn’t mean I’m over him. “You think so?” Fujio says with a grin looking right at me

I nod. It’s really all I can do.  

One thing Fujio likes doing is try to set me up with his friends. Today, it was Sachio. Don’t get me wrong. I like Sachio, but not the same way he likes me. 

Sometimes I think my unrequited feelings for Fujio is just karma for all of Fujio’s friends I have rejected. 

Fujio tells me Sachio really likes me. I think at one point I did like Sachio. He’s sweet. Really nice and respectful and would definitely be a better boyfriend than Fujio ever would be. But maybe it’s just me holding on so tightly to my first love, only ever having my eyes on Fujio that I’m not ever able to look at anyone else. I want to. I really do. But at the end of the day I always come back to him. I don’t expect for Fujio to return my feelings I just… I don’t know. 

Maybe one day I’ll get over Fujio, move on. But I don’t think so it’ll happen soon. 

I hope it does. Soon I mean. 

Because my hands are starting to burn from the rope called first love I’ve been holding on so tight to. 

—

❝Ruinous imagination consumes me, makes me dream sweeter dreams❞ 

—

“You really wanna meet Sachio?” Fujio asks me

“I’ve already met him Fujio” I tell him

Sachio was nice. I wasn’t over Fujio but I could stay stuck up on him either. It wasn’t healthy and I knew it. I should get over it, I should try. Not only to get over Fujio but also what my asshole ex did to me. Fujio aside, I was tired of feeling so angry all the time. I didn’t tell anyone that I felt angry rather than sad. What if I tell them and everyone that was supportive of me starts calling me crazy too, or stop supporting me through it? I think my emotions were always something I kept to myself. I didn’t want to tell anyone about it. It didn’t matter to me who stopped supporting me just not Fujio, never Fujio. I might actually go crazy if he does. Honestly speaking, I think I already am crazy. I won’t be surprised if I go for some psychiatric test and the results come out with a diagnosis telling me I’m crazy. After everything that’s happened paired with my weird dependency on Fujio, I think I am crazy. “Yeah but, no you know he likes you” Fujio says “Are you gonna give him a chance”

We’re inside a convenience store. Fujio wanted to get something to drink. He’s standing in front of the fridge trying to figure out what he wants while I’m standing in front of one of the glass doors of the fridge staring at my favourite drink. I want it. But I don’t really have the energy to bring my arm up and open the glass door. It’s weird. I don’t have the motivation to even do the things I like. I want to stop feeling like this. I thought being here with Fujio would distract me from the feeling but I guess not. I thought my heart was only filled with Fujio but that void after my breakup is getting bigger and it hurts. “Maybe…” I say, staring at my blurry reflection in the glass

I look tired. I’ve always had eyebags due to having low iron and a shitty sleep schedule but now they were darker. My skin thankfully looks the same and isn’t dull. I think I should thank myself for being so strict about my skincare routine and eating habits. But the glow in my skin doesn’t matter when the look in my eyes just shows how fucking exhausted I am. It’s not really my eyes that I’m worried about. It’s my hair. I’ve always loved my hair. Everyone has. It was curly and long and Fujio really liked it. It wasn’t curly-curly with ringlets but more wavy-curly. Now it was kinda straight and a little frizzy at the ends. Oh. It feels like I was seeing my own reflection after years. I look like this? This is what Sachio likes? I don’t think I’ve ever felt more ugly in my life. To make things even worse, there’s an annoying pain in lower belly. I’m on my fucking period. “...Hello?” Fujio nudges me

I look at him then look away. I can feel Fujio looking at me. I want him to stop. I feel gross. Fujio opens the door and I watch him take the drink I was staring at. “You were just staring at it” Fujio says

Before I could tell him I don’t want it, Fujio’s already heading for the counter and he pays. Oh. I think I’m going crazy. “Come on” Fujio calls

I follow his words and go outside. Fujio’s already sitting outside the convenience store on the curb. I sit down next to him. “You didn’t have to get that for me” I say

Fujio shakes his head. “You were just staring at it… So I got it for you” He says and opens up the drink before handing it to me

I take it. “Why were you staring at it?” He asks

I know I shouldn’t be admitting it out loud, but I tell him anyways. “I don’t know… I wanted to get it but like… I don’t know. It felt like too much work”

Had I been making any other expression, Fujio would have laughed at me and called me lazy. But no. Instead he gives me a sad look. “You’re fucking depressed” he says

Wow. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. “H-huh?”

“Don’t h-huh me!” He says, mimicking my words

Fujio grabs the drink he just gave me and aggressively puts the cap back on. “You need help” He grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me “Why didn’t you tell me before”

I feel weirdly ashamed right now. Tears well up in my eyes. “I told you that I’m here for you. If you’re feeling like fucking shit then you should tell me” Fujio says

He takes his hands off my shoulders and now he’s holding my face. Something wet touches my cheek and Fujio’s eyes soften. Oh. I’m crying. This was more embarrassing than it needed to be. “You don’t need to pretend to be happy or a certain way around me. I’ve already seen you being weird and fucking embarrassing! So please” Fujio says, his thumbs wiping away the tears running down my cheeks “Please just tell me what you feel. Tell me when you don’t feel okay, tell me when you’re sad, tell me if someone is hurting you, tell me if you’re scared. Just tell me”

I’m shaking. Fujio just keeps telling me everything is okay, that he’ll make everything okay. It’s unrealistic for him to say so, even I know that but any kind of comfort, even the unrealistic kind sounds nice when you’re hurting. “I promise… I promise, everything will be okay” He tells me and presses his forehead against mine

I guess there was a reason I was never able to fall out of love with Fujio. When he does things like this, how could I ever get over him?

—

❝I close my eyes but thoughts of you bring turmoil to my nights❞ 

—

“Has anyone ever told you how obvious you are?” Tsukasa says to me

I stare at him in confusion. We were on the top of the temple. Yes, the temple whose stairs Fujio falls down on a daily basis. We were meeting his new girlfriend. This sounds horrible but I’ve already forgotten her name. “Huh? Obvious about what?” I ask

Tsukasa nudges me. “You like him”

My hands tremble. I didn’t expect him to say that. “What? No” I deny it immediately 

The blonde boy next to me on the bench only laughs. “You think I’m an idiot? You’re really really obvious. You like him, everyone knows”

Um. What? Tsukasa sees my reaction and sighs. I’m not sure what face I’m making but I think it might be the same one where Tsukasa told me I was getting abused. Fun right? “No one has told Fujio about it but he does know”

This just keeps getting even worse. “What?”

I want Tsukasa to stop talking. I don’t want to hear anymore but I have to. “Fujio knows you like him. He’s known all along. But Fujio also knows you’ll never confess to him because you know he doesn’t like you back. That’s why he keeps you here with him unlike the other girls who have confessed and then got rejected” Tsukasa explains

I’m not to sure how to feel about this. I look over toward Fujio. He’s with his girlfriend further away. It looks like she’s arguing with him but he’s only smiling. I watch him reach over and he grabs her waist. Instantly she stops and her cheeks flush red. Or I think they do. I can’t really see far away and I don’t want to wear my glasses. You know anxiety and stuff. Seeing the world clear just doesn’t help and I think the 480-720-pixel resolution that is my eyesight really helps with calming my nerves. But right now it feels like I can see everything clearly. Fujio’s lovestruck look, his girlfriend’s shy smile. I can see it all. I wish I couldn’t. “He… Knows?”

“I won’t tell him that I told you. But yeah he does know. That’s why he’s always been trying to set you up with someone else because Fujio thinks you don’t deserve him”

I frown and look away from the two lovebirds. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tsukasa scoffs. “Oh please, we all know how much of a shitty boyfriend Fujio would be. I’m his best friend, I know. Fujio is to friendly and you’re still healing…” Tsukasa tells me “But okay, let’s say all that with that motherfucker from Shutoku didn’t happen. Being with him would make you so fucking insecure. He’s talking to new girls every day. He’s so fucking affectionate with everyone, you’d be wondering if he was cheating every other day”

Tsukasa was right. I knew he was. I thought about this before. Fujio wouldn’t be a good boyfriend. If there was ever a day that he maybe did like me back, it would be painful being with him. But still, I was still so fucking in love with him. I hated myself for it. “I know” I mutter quietly “I just can’t get over him”

Tsukasa next to me sighs and he rests a hand on my shoulder, lightly squeezing. “Try talking to Sachio more. I know him, we all do. Sachio’s nice. I’m telling you to use Sachio to get over that idiot over there but… Maybe you should try looking for other guys. You’re not gonna get over Fujio without actually looking” He tells me

He was right. Ugh fuck. Maybe I should talk to Sachio. 

Why not?

—

❝Don’t wanna let go so I let go❞

—

Today was one of the rare days I was wearing my glasses. Fujio insisted on some bonding time with resulted in Sachio Ueda, Yuken Odajima, Tsukasa and Fujio’s girlfriend and me going to the movies. Now Fujio and I were waiting outside the bathrooms on the bench, waiting for all of them. I had sat next to Sachio during the movie, sharing popcorn with him. Fujio told he didn’t tell Sachio that I know he likes me. I guess now that I do know, things are pretty clear. I don’t know why I haven’t noticed it before. Maybe it was because I was too focused on Fujio. “Why does he like me?” I ask Fujio “I’m not pretty or like… Smart. There isn’t really any redeeming quality about me”

Fujio is fiddling with the movie tickets, his and his girlfriend’s. He looks at me, giving me a weird look. “You don’t think you’re pretty?”

I push my glasses up my nose and shake my head. “No. I’m not. I mean come on Fujio, look at me” I tell him

I guess I’ve always been pretty insecure about myself growing up. Especially when middle school started. My parents and relatives have always told me I’m pretty, backstabbing cousins and aunts say things to me out of apparent jealously. I pretended to think I was pretty when I was at home. I don’t think I’d ever be able to tell my mother how I actually felt about myself when she was always so proud of the way I looked, that I was so pretty. I think it would break her if I told her I hated myself— that I hated my face, my body, my own skin. I could never tell her. It was with my friends I could really spill out all my feelings. “Yeah I am” Fujio says “You’re not ugly”

I roll my eyes. “Uh-huh”

Fujio nudges me in the ribs. “I mean it. You’re definitely not ugly”

He leans over and brings his hand up. He’s so so close to me right now, I can feel his breath, see every pore and blemish on his skin— he’s still so beautiful. Fujio pulls my glasses off my face. I have told him many times not to do that. Taking my glasses off for me always felt so unnecessarily sexual. I didn’t tell Fujio it was like that though so he still continued doing it whenever I wore them anyways. “You’re very pretty, that’s one of the reasons Sachio likes you. But Sachio aside, you’re not at all ugly. You’re pretty” Fujio tells me and his other hand brushes a piece of my hair behind my ear “I’d never be friends with an ugly person”

My cheeks are no doubt red. But I play it off by punching his arm. “Fuck off” I mutter “Let me wallow in my misery in peace”

Fujio laughs softly. I want to kiss him so bad. “You are stupid though” he says

I hit him again and suppress the urge to kiss him. Fujio isn’t mine so I can’t kiss him. 

—

❝will our eyes ever meet each others again?❞

—

I often wonder what kind of a person I would have been if I never met Fujio, if I hadn’t fallen in love with him. It sounds like a nightmare. I can’t imagine my life without Fujio. Maybe I’m just that much in love with him. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. Sometimes I wish I was in love with Sachio instead. But now, sometimes has turned into an almost every day wishing as I watch Fujio and his girlfriend play around in the park while I sit alone on the bench. It’s 12:30 am. I should be going home. I’m not even allowed to be staying out this late. But I haven’t gotten any calls from my mom, maybe she’s already asleep. I say and lean back into the bench. There is something painful watching the person you love fall in love and be in love with someone else. Even more painful watching them receive it back. “Hey” Sachio sits down next to me

I look at him and smile. After the movies Yuken insisted on going to get some stuff because he hadn’t smoked in so long. Stuff meaning weed and next to me Sachio is smoking some as well, the spliff between his fingers as he leans back against the bench next to me. Yuken and Tsukasa are off to the side talking quietly amongst themselves while smoking and Fujio’s still with his girlfriend, pushing her on the swings. “You feeling okay?” Sachio asks me, taking a drag before slowly exhaling “I heard about what happened with the guy”

Sachio has always been the kind of guy everyone went to when they had some kind of problem. He was nice and gave really good advice. “Yeah… I mean… It’s taking a lot longer than I expected for things to get better” I say quietly

I started taking a lot of painkillers after my breakup, not just alcohol. Thankfully Fujio seemed to catch on and stopped before things could get serious but I still feel like absolute shit during random times of the day. “Well you can’t expect to get better overnight. Your relationship was 9 months… That’s a long time. So you can take your time getting better too” Sachio says

I turn my attention to his lips, watching them wrap around the spliff and slowly exhale. Sachio sees and grins. That’s kinda hot. “Wanna try?” He asks

I stare for a moment at the drug wrapped in brown paper. “I don’t know how”

Sachio’s red-rimmed eyes are saying so much but so little at the same time. I don’t know what he’s thinking. But whatever he is thinking is making him hesitant to do whatever he wants to do next. It’s a short moment before he speaks again. “Come closer” he says

I obey without thinking, the sides of our thighs pressing together. Sachio takes my glasses off my face. Haha fuck. He brings the spliff up to his lips and then pauses, still looking a little hesitant. “Inhale okay” he says before taking a drag

Sachio leans over and I don’t move. He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. He leans in closer, closer, closer. I can see his pore, the blemish, the moles, I can see all his skin up close. I think he’s going to kiss me but Sachio hasn’t closed his eyes. I realize he hasn’t exhaled yet so I have an idea of what he’s doing. Sachio’s lips press to mine but not to kiss. Well kind of. He exhales smoke into my mouth and I inhale. His lips feel soft. It feels nice. Sachio pulls away not too long after but I can still feel his lips on mine. I exhale, coughing a little bit. My throat burns but it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be. “Didn’t know you knew how to do that” Sachio says with a little laugh

My face is probably red right now. “Uh… I saw Odajima teach a girl how some weeks ago” I mutter

Sachio laughs. “Of course you did” he says

He’s smiling hard. I wonder why he he likes me. I wish he didn’t. Sachio shows me how to properly smoke after that. He doesn’t let me smoke to much though. It’s not too bad but he says he knew I probably didn’t each much so I shouldn’t else I’d feel nauseous. It feels weird being high. I’ve drank but smoking was a new territory for me. I feel a little lazy. But not the bad kind. This doesn’t feel too bad. I have a feeling I’ll get an earful from Fujio later, he’s been giving me looks. Fujio doesn’t smoke, Tsukasa does. Tsukasa gets scolded by Fujio on a daily basis when he comes back smelling like weed. I probably won’t do this again. I look at Sachio who’s already looking at me. Maybe it’s the weed that is making me lose lipped but the next words leave my mouth like vomit. “Why do you like me?” I ask and regret it immediately

Sachio smiles. “Why? Do I need an exact reason?” He asks

Something twists in my chest. It hurts. I don’t want him to like me. Not because I like Fujio, but because I don’t deserve to be liked by someone as nice as him. I’m a horrible person. “You deserve someone better,” I tell him “I’m not fishing for compliments here but I’m not exactly the most extraordinary”

Sachio sighs. The spliff is finished and now all we’re left with is uncomfortable questions. Thank god I’m high or I probably would have ran into the middle of the street and got myself hit by a bus on purpose. “I don’t care if you’re not anything extraordinary” He tells me shaking his head “I like you and you don’t get to decide who I deserve… That’s for me to decide”

I want to cry. I want to so badly feel better again or maybe at least get over Fujio. “But I… I’m not okay. I probably won’t be for a while. And no matter how hard I try I… I don’t want you to wait for me forever Sachio. What if I can’t ever fall in love again?” I tell him, almost whispering at the end

Sachio turns his entire body and is facing me. “I don’t mind waiting” He says with a smile “But me and my feelings aside, you can take as long as you want to feel better. It doesn’t matter who’s waiting for you. Me or Fujio or anyone. You need to feel better for yourself”

I fumble with my hands while staring right into his eyes. Does being high make you emotional? I don’t know. But fuck I felt like crying. “How do I know if I’m better… It feels like I never will” 

Sachio is smiling so softly at me. It makes my heart hurt. His hand comes up and he takes a stand of my hair between his fingers. “Your hair. Maybe when your hair is back to how it used to be is when you’ll be better” He tells me

It’s 1 am. I should be at home. But here I am, with Sachio— the boy that loves me the way I wished Fujio loved me. I wish I loved him back. There are so many things I want to ask Sachio right now but I don’t. How do you get over someone who was never yours, to begin with? Who do you blame when you’ve broken your own heart? I don’t say anything but Sachio keeps talking. “I’m not forcing you to love—like me back… Right now I’m just telling you to take your time and maybe love yourself first” He says

Stop loving him goes unsaid but I know he wanted to say it. At that moment in Sachio’s eyes I see something of myself. He looks at me the same way I look at Fujio. It hurts. I wonder if this hurts him as much as it hurts me. But here’s the thing, I could get over Fujio and maybe I could even one day love Sachio back. But I’d never be able to forget the feeling of hurt nor the thought that I may only be loving Sachio back because I don’t want him to feel the same way I feel right now. I look toward Fujio who’s wrapping his girlfriend up in his arms and kissing her forehead. It feels like pieces of glass are tearing into my heart. 

Had someone told me being in with would be so painful I would have never fallen for Fujio in the first place. I look at Sachio and feel almost a little better. 

Does he wish I get over Fujio?

Does he pray at night for me to love him back?

I’m not sure I want to know. Maybe my problem is that I love Fujio way more than I love myself. Maybe the day I start loving myself again will be the day I get over Fujio. Sachio’s hand comes up and he brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. 

It’s 1:35 am, I’m supposed to be at home sleeping but instead here I am; high in front of a boy that doesn’t love me back and sitting next to one that does. I feel ungrateful and cruel.

I hope I never break Sachio's heart like I broke my own.

[zhaolusi]

top 9 character's relationships I loved in 2023 tagged by @difanghua !

meet yourself, ousama ni sasagu kusuriyubi, the love you give me, mysterious lotus casebook, miss mystery, story of kunning palace, high & low the worst x, utsukushii kare, my personal weatherman

tagging to do either this version or the character version ♡ @deokmis @ginpotts @dingyuxi @junghaesin @exotoxoxo @marquisguyun @weiwuz @khaotunqs @krystaljungs and anyone else that wants to do this!

[auromelt]

nobody could’ve played amagai kohei and suzaki ryo like miyama ryoki and nakamoto yuta… the way the writers literally built their characters with them in mind even before they accepted the roles, the way they improvised their scenes (most notably “don’t cry idiot” during suzaki’s mental breakdown), their natural chemistry with each other, their lasting friendship with each other even almost 2 years later, yuta’s cute crying face… i’m so glad they accepted the roles omg i wanna see more of them. i wish yuta could’ve attended more of the promotions i feel like we lost so much time with suzaki’s character in particular and a whole chunk of amagai’s character with it because they're so intertwined with each other. when i catch yuta’s agency it’s gonna be real ugly for them i promise you that

[emeraldbabygirl]

@airbendertendou actually using this one as my Lock Screen thank you for making it, it’s so pretty I love it ahhh 💞💞💞