#hidan anbu

[soleberlandieri]

[suikung]

Hiiii darling!! If you dont mind can I ask for yandere itachi hcs? nsfw and sfw

Yan Itachi HCs

Itachi cared for those closet to him, the ones he considered to be his best of friends. And just like Shishi, you happened to be one of them. However unlike him, you weren’t an Uchiha, making a friendship between the both of you challenging. No matter what, you both made it work. Itachi would send a crow to circle your home and you knew this a meant you both could meet in the near by forest to be together. Your family owned a sweets shop, so you would bring a few to share, Itachi surely loved his dango. This time between the both of you allowed Itachi to truly be himself, not an Uchiha, nor an Anbu, just Itachi. He savored these moments, your presence, being able to talk freely without acting as one side. However, it would all come crashing down with the Uchiha massacre. He fled the village, leaving you spiraling with millions of questions.

It had been years at this point since the massacre, Itachi’s younger brother had left the village in pursuit of revenge. But you? You had taken over your parents sweet shop, doing nothing with your life. At times you remember Itachi, remembering your shared rendezvouses, a small pain in your heart.

Until one night, as you were closing up, the bell above the shop door rang. Back turned towards the door you couldn’t see who had entered. “I’m sorry but we we’re closed for the day. We open at 12pm tomorrow so please come back soon.” Silence followed, perhaps they had left, but no, the bell didn’t indicate the door was opened again. Slowly you turned, perhaps they hadn’t heard you. But what greeted you were those onyx eyes, the ones you had longed to see once more. You dropped the box you held, frozen in place. It couldn’t be him, it had been years why would he come back. Finally you blinked, not realizing your eyed were wide open. “Itachi… is that really you.” It all happened so quickly, one second he was infront of you again and the next his mangekyo sharingan shone bright in the night light.

By the time you woke up, you were laying in a bed, surrounded by white sheets. Silence was the only thing around you. Slowly you lifted from your position to an upright one, feet touching the hard wood floor. A creak came from the door. Head snapping in that direction, heart pounding, you didn’t know what to do. However all fear disappeared when Itachi entered the room.

SFW

He is a constantly seeking your touch and especially your validation, old habits die hard. After so many years away from you he is dedicated to recovering lost time. Of course being part of the Akatsuki doesn’t allow him to spend every waking moment with you, but he will find a way. After abducting recovering you from the village he settles you both into a cozy cabin in the middle of no where. Itachi is not someone who will confine you to only the inside of your home but he will grant you some freedom to stroll the forest around your cabin. His favorite past time is cooking for you, he enjoys seeing the smile his food brings you. You could call this his love language since he is not a very vocal person.

Itachi knows his feelings aren’t normal so he keeps a crow on you to ensure you’re always safe and never try to escape from him. Particularly after a long mission he enjoys sitting between your legs , having you brush his long hair. You’ve always been someone to calm him and this act just completely relaxes him. He loves when you braid his hair and allow him to do the rest to yours. Even if it’s not long enough to braid, he will just brush it. Of course, how could you forget about his love for sweets. He loves when you make him something sweet, it all feels like real love and as if he didn’t bring you here against your will.

However just because he is sweet with you, doesn’t mean he will be sweet to those around him. One of the first and only times he brought you to the Akatsuki hideout he felt immediately Hidan’s eyes upon you. That whole day, Hidan spent his time trying to get closer to you, throwing suggestive remarks your way. Of course at first Itachi could ignore him, his hand throughout the day grabbing tighter and tighter at your waist. Until finally, he snapped. His eyes piercing right through Hidan’s soul. Let’s just say Hidan had to get a couple body parts reattached that day.

NSFW

A man who prioritizes your pleasure above his own. He can spend hours lapping at your clit, just feeling you squirm under him. He truly looks like a starved man the way he eats you out. Even so, he loves to tease you, he loves to see you begging for him. The woman he took by force wanting his cock so bad. It gets him so hard. However that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you taking control at times. He loves to leave himself at your mercy, allowing you to do with him as you please. In these moments he’s nothing more than a toy for you, the woman he would kill for. No matter what, he’s an Uchiha by blood and this causes him to have a breeding kink. Multiple rounds, one after another, all of them ending inside of you. Even after pumping into you multiple times he will use his fingers to push his seed back into you to ensure you take him all.

He can go multiple times a day, as said before he wants to recuperate lost time and this means bending you any where and everywhere in your shared cabin. However, he prefers missionary in the privacy of your rooms. He adores looking at your face while you take his cock. His sharingan activating throughout it all, engraving your face of pleasure to his memory. He’s not much for making noise but he will let out terms of endearment once in a while. Sex with Itachi is truly a wonderful experience, putting you above himself he almost makes you forget your captivity.

—————————————————————————

A/n i felt it necessary to add back story to this hc to have a back ground to build itachis actions on. I hope you like it and thank you for being my first request anon❤️

[ladykissingfish]

*Kisame, sitting behind Itachi, attempting to braid his hair*

Kisame: I don’t think I’ll ever get over how soft your hair is. How silky, how smooth. It’s really just —

Itachi: Kisame … do you want to have sex with me?

Kisame, turning red and dropping his hands from Itachi’s hair: W-what — !

Itachi, turning to face him: It’s just, I feel so bad. I almost feel like … like I’m teasing you. We hug and we kiss and we share a bed but we’ve never done that. Sometimes I feel like you really want to, and I feel like I’m depriving you of that.

Kisame: Itachi. Surely you remember that talk we had way back at the beginning, when you told me that you’d tried sex in your anbu days and afterwards felt so bad that you cried for three days?

Itachi: Yes, but, I’m older now. I clearly wasn’t emotionally ready back then, and that experience wasn’t with someone I loved, the way I love you. It’s not fair to you to keep you waiting so long. So I think that —

Kisame: *takes Itachi’s hands and kisses each one gently*

Kisame: It’s truly remarkable that even with that sharingan of yours, you fail to see things clearly. I’m very, very much in love with you. You mean more to me than anything. Sex does not have to be a part of our relationship for it to be any more meaningful than it is right now.

Itachi: But —

Kisame: If you wish to try sex again one day, for your own desires, I will be happy to take that step with you. But this way? Doing it because you think it’s something you owe me? No. That’s wrong. I’ve never been happier than I am than when I’m with you. Nothing will change that. Okay?

Itachi: *puts both arms around Kisame and hugs him tightly* Okay. Thank you, Kisame. And for what it’s worth … *blushes* I’m very much in love with you, too.

Kisame: *smiles and pats Itachi’s back* And that’s the biggest honor of my life. *pulls back and chuckles* Besides, if we were doing that, I doubt we’d get along as well as we do now.

Itachi: What do you —

*from down the hall*

Kakuzu: Get up, idiot. Those sheets need to go in the washer!

Hidan: For fucks sake, relax, old man! Can’t this shit wait until tomorrow?!

Kakuzu: With your sweat and … other fluids, all over them? No! *the sound of Kakuzu pulling the sheets out from under Hidan, and Hidan rolling against the wall* So move!

Hidan: You bastard, whose fault is it that I got your precious sheets dirty?! Did I do this to myself? No! It’s your fault! So shut the fuck up about it!

Kakuzu: You damned brat, you — *they continue to loudly argue as Kakuzu hauls the bedspread to the washing machine*

Itachi, to Kisame: … I see your point.

[actuallysaiyan]

Kinktober 2023 Masterlist

Here is the masterlist for Kinktober 2023!

Werewolves(Karl Heisenberg- Resident Evil Village)

Hair Pulling(Kyojuro Rengoku- Demon Slayer/Kimetsu No Yaiba)

Double Penetration(Hidan and Kakuzu- Naruto Shippuden)

Mirror Kink(Agedup!Denji- Chainsaw Man)

Threesomes(Jiraiya and Orochimaru- Naruto/Naruto Shippuden)

Monster Fucking(Prince Sidon- Legend of Zelda: Breath of The Wild)

Face Fucking(Ryomen Sukuna and Agedup!Yuji Itadori- Jujutsu Kaisen)

Lingerie(Sebastian and Sam- Stardew Valley)

Somnophilia(Legendary Dark Knight Sparda- Devil May Cry)

Overstimulation(Gyutaro Shabana- Demon Slayer/Kimetsu No Yaiba)

Sex Slave(Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto- Jujutsu Kaisen)

Bondage(ANBU!Kakashi Hatake and ANBU!Yamato Tenzo- Naruto/Naruto Shippuden)

Blindfolds(Alucard Tepes- Castlevania)

Body Mods(Aki Hayakawa- Chainsaw Man)

Striptease(Alex- Stardew Valley)

Creampies(Naruto Uzumaki- Naruto/Naruto Shippuden/Boruto)

Spanking/Exhibitionism(Jason Todd/Dick Grayson- Batman)

Role play(Reno Sinclair- Final Fantasy 7)

Cockwarming(Professor!Son Gohan- Dragon Ball Z/Dragon Ball Super)

Corruption(Zack Fair- Final Fantasy 7/Crisis Core)

Squirting(Shikamaru Nara- Naruto/Naruto Shippuden/Boruto)

Intoxication(Dante- Devil May Cry)

Uniforms(Tengen Uzui- Demon Slayer/Kimetsu No Yaiba)

Dub-con(Ganondorf and Link-The Legend Of Zelda)

Vibrators(Toji Fushiguro- Jujutsu Kaisen)

Aphrodisiac(Agedup!Tatewaki Kuno- Ranma 1/2)

Orgasm Denial(Agedup!Ranma Saotome- Ranma 1/2)

Dirty Talk(V- Devil May Cry)

Breeding and Daddy(Kento Nanami- Jujutsu Kaisen)

Praise(Son Goku- Dragon Ball/Dragon Ball Z/Dragon Ball Super)

Face sitting(Vegeta- Dragon Ball Z/Dragon Ball Super)

[theheirofthesharingan]

Okay, sorry if this was asked before but I'm curious and I'd really like to learn more. You've mentioned in a couple of posts now that Itachi wasn't retconned. Could you please elaborate further?

Hey! No, this wasn't asked before. I was thinking of making a separate post for this, but procrastination is evil. So, I am one of the 'Itachi was meant to be a good guy/was not evil/had more to him than he let on' people. Watching the anime, it was the feeling that there was more to him. His reveal was along the lines of devastation and shocking for me than surprise. Detailed post is below the cut.

First thing first.

This was Itachi's first look that Kishimoto had planned.

Itachi was originally conceived as the leader of Konoha's Special Assassination and Tactical Squad called the "Anbu", dubbed the Itachi Squad (イタチ隊, Itachi-tai), which would have been a 70-man group divided into four teams, specializing in assassination and other illicit operations. However, this idea was scrapped in favour of the current Itachi working for the Akatsuki.

The above paragraph is from Itachi's wikipedia that cites a couple of interviews as sources. People can't be too blind in their delusion to think the author who wrote the story had no idea what he was writing.

Next is the Naruto Databook that has some fishy things if we look closely. In the first glance it's not very obvious, but after learning the truth it seems very much obvious.

It says, "the ones who know the reason of its downfall are very small". Go back to Obito's words about only four people being aware of the reason of the clan's downfall.

Additionally, Itachi carried out 134 B-Rank missions. Zero A Rank. And one S-Rank. The S rank mission being the Uchiha massacre. It's very fishy that he was given one s rank mission without any A tank mission. Suspicious? We know later on why.

It's also interesting because the first databook was published in 2002 and Itachi first appeared in 2003. If his twist wasn't planned from the beginning this databook is very telling.

Since I mentioned how he looked, here's him in Sasuke's flashbacks for the first time.

He looks far from evil or sadistic. You want to know who enjoys killing for fun? Hidan. Itachi, on the other hand, on the day of the massacre itself, looks miserable and lost.

In chapter 7, he in a haze-like manner he talks about crying. In many English translations it's translated as 'he made me cry' and in many it's this. It's very, very vague, but his statement is complimented by Sakura's question, to which he still responds in the similar way 'My..' Maybe he was trying to say 'My brother', but he instead finishes his speech with 'my goal is to take revenge' etc., Since it's still very early so it might not be the strongest evidence, but a few chapters later in chapter 27, during their fight against Haku, when Sasuke awakens his Sharingan, he has two tomoe in his right eye.

Yes, he might have awakened it this way, but it also suggests that maybe already had his Sharingan and that's why this is 'asymmetrical' awakening? In the later chapters we find out he actually did have his Sharingan he awakened after the massacre.

This flashbacks in chapter 127 most firmly establishes Itachi's twist. The tilted head-protector. Sasuke remembers it vaguely, but he has no recollection of Itachi crying that night, because his mind is still hazy from the "truth" Itachi wanted him to believe. We know later on the significance of this scene.

There are three moments before Itachi was even introduced that give away what we see right after his truth reveal and connect to the chapter 403.

The 'Itachi was retconned' camp also uses 'Itachi was meant to be older (than 13) but Kishi made him younger later on' as an excuse to justify their retcon bullshit.

Kakashi, in chapter 142, states Itachi was 13 when he was made the Anbu captain.

Itachi graduated when he was just seven. Sasuke is the same age as Itachi was when he graduated from the Academy. Itachi is 17 at the time of his first appearance and Sasuke is 12. It is enough to tell lies were spread about Itachi. We, obviously, learn later on why.

Some more obvious hints were his interaction with Asuma, Kurenai, and Kakashi.

The criminal infamous for annihilating one of the strongest clans refuses to indulge in fight?

He also asks Kisame to keep things low key and not get too much attention. That's an excuse. He's not here to wage war. Yes, later on he does ask Kisame to go ahead. But that's because he's a spy. He cannot let Danzo know he dropped his guard. One single mistake from his side that could unearth the truth of the massacre and Danzo would lay hands on Sasuke. Plus, while he's strong, his opponents aren't just fragile saplings who couldn't stand any blow he or Kisame cast. He knew reinforcements would be on the way.

Kakashi also wonders why Itachi didn't just kill him. Again, yes, the torture was brutal, but they're ninja who are meant to do and endure cruel things. Itachi had to look like he was a menacing criminal reputed to have killed the Uchiha singlehandedly.

So, he completely avoids fighting Asuma and Kuernai, takes on only Kakashi because he's strong and can take it, also has Sharingan. But he completely refuses to go against Jiraiya. Jiraiya may or may not be stronger than him. Maybe they were equal. However, recalling Obito's words again: Itachi devoted himself to fighting Sasuke to death.

Two conclusions come from this:

He didn't want to fight Jiraiya because it would result in a massive bloodbath and killing a leaf Shinobi is out of question for him. He's not a coward. He just doesn't want to fight him.

As we know from later on, he wanted to fight and die at Sasuke's hands only. Killing a Konoha Shinobi or dying at the hands of someone that isn't Sasuke isn't a part of his plan.

This can also be tracked further when Kisame captures the Four Tails.

Kisame most likely knew about Itachi's illness, knew Itachi wanted to die at Sasuke's hands. The reason Itachi didn't fight Jiraiya and Rōshi was most likely the same.

Kisame comments on Itachi's 'lingering affection' towards the village. The Akatsuki pairings' dynamics are quite opposite. Deidara and Sasori love art but have differing opinions on eternal vs explosive. Hidan and Kakuzu represent religion vs materialism (money). And Itachi and Kisame represent treachery vs loyalty. Itachi isn't loyal to Akatsuki, Kisame is.

They also wonder why is Itachi taking the matter of kidnapping Naruto so lightly. He could have done it very easily. We know now that that wasn't his intent and his objective to visit the village was something else.

As popular as 'Itachi knocked on the door before kidnapping Naruto' meme is, the truth is, he wasn't there to kidnap him at all. Replace Itachi with Kisame alone for a moment. Knock on the door? No, sir. Naruto would be half-dead. Or replace him with Hidan and Kakuzu. They're sadistic bastards and would have damaged Naruto in the worst possible way.

Furthermore, when you think of it, he revealed 'Akatsuki are after jinchuriki' years prior to the Akatsuki even began collecting the tailed beasts. It was a message he left because it was important. His job in the Akatsuki wasn't to "pass on the info to the village." It was to keep tabs on them so they don't attack Konoha.

After the massacre, Sasuke's unwavering faith in Itachi despite being put in Tsukuyomi. At first it doesn't seem too much, but we later discover that Itachi used to be a kind and gentle boy. So this bit isn't just Sasuke is blind, but also that Itachi was a kind child before the tragedy happened.

Sasuke's flashbacks in chapter 220 also hint towards Itachi being trapped in the politics of the village/clan. Fugaku is speaking to his own son but the discussion is so intense that he has to activate his Sharingan to convey the message to Itachi.

These are the flashbacks from the chapter #221 that further shed light on Itachi being a spy.

He's the "pipeline between the clan and the village" - a spy. Later Obito says Itachi was callously used for his devotion towards the village, this is an example of his clan doing this to him.

This is Itachi right after being accused of Shisui's murder. He looks in grief, while also processing the news. Once the narrative delves deep into Itachi's story (through Sasuke's eyes) in VOTE1, he continues to look miserable, lost, in pain, and in dire need of help. And once we begin to see more of him before his death, he is quite human. But again, Kishimoto had his whole story figured out by that time, knew what he was to do with Itachi's arc and Sasuke's future there.

In the chapter 224 (during the battle between Sasuke and Naruto), the flashback goes to this moment: Itachi tells Sasuke that he'd be one of the three people to awaken Mangekyo.

This connects to the chapter 385 when Sasuke vs Itachi happens. Sasuke asks him about the third person who had the MS.

_______________

Kishimoto isn't a terrible writer because some people choose to ignore what's written right there or cannot accept happened. Usually the deniers of this are those who question his morality. His morality is never the subject of the debate because Itachi isn't exonerated for his crimes. He's a part of a world that's cruel and violent and his actions align with it very much. The ones who "praise" him have their own bias, and that gives him nothing in return. Characters in fiction always, I mean, always respond to the information based on their morality. When Hashirama praises Itachi, it's because he grew up in the warring era and lost all his family. He learns there's this kid who chose a path with the least damage but at the cost of his life, he's a good Shinobi. Hiruzen also has his bias as well as his guilt. Naruto's praise for Itachi is not only because of stopping a war, but also for loving Sasuke. No one other than Sasuke sees him as a person whether anyone likes him or hates him. He's praised by other Shinobi for doing things that are expected from a Shinobi.

Either way, at the end of the day, Itachi himself doesn't see himself who is worth forgiving, worth loving, worth being remembered. That's his whole arc.

Some things above in the post I took from this thread. Some information I ommited from it, so feel free to go through it, please.

[raikirikiri]

missing-nin kakashi who leaves the village on his own accord. he’s pushed to the edge, and despite all the anbu missions he’s taken to get himself killed, it just doesn’t work. so he leaves and becomes a mercenary and thinks he might have some luck dying that way. he thinks part of him is still loyal to konoha but it doesn’t feel like home anymore. plus the constant needling of his ex-classmates insisting their his friends when he knows he doesn’t deserve friends, he barely deserves comrades.

so he leaves. and he does the jobs he takes well and yes, he’s still hoping he dies but he’s too good at being a shinobi so he keeps living. no matter how accidental.

he has a good fortune by the start of canon time but id like to believe he lives in a cave with a ratty futon and a few shabby changes of clothes. he lives an extremely solitary life but he’s…healed. a little. he’s never forgiven himself, he probably never will, but he’s made some sort of peace with himself and his actions.

meanwhile. the akatsuki is forming. itachi, kisame, sasori, kakazu, pain, konan, zetsu, obito (still in the shadows). almost the whole crew is there, they just need to round out their numbers a little. and who better to approach than missing-nin copy ninja kakashi? pain brings it up first one rainy day in ame. obito, or madara, is meeting with pain, konan, and zetsu and pain brings up kakashi first.

obito chokes out a no, barely hanging onto his madara act. no, he denies vehemently. the mean thought enrages something in him and the thought of having to see kakashi’s beautiful ugly mug more than he already does (because yes, he may be a missing-nin but obito wouldn’t be a stalker if he couldn’t find his prey over and over again) is brain melting and heart stopping in a very very negative way.

of course pain has to ask why, madara has never had such a visceral reaction to suggestion for a recruit.

his pants around his ankles, obito has to scramble for an excuse and it’s a little more elegant than “he’s not evil enough”. obito shuts the conversation down then and there, deciding to come back to it at a later date when he can be prepared for his ex-teammate’s name to be brought up again.

for the next three years, any time they’re low on numbers, kakashi’s name comes up and obito always struggles to react normally and his answer is always some iteration of “he’s not evil enough”. so hidan comes up with the brilliant idea to force him to be evil, similar to how they forced deidara to join the akatsuki.

obito, failing to come up with counter arguments and running out of excuses, concedes. pain, during their monthly meetings where tobi is madara, is pleased. he suggests sending itachi to fetch him, since they were once anbu together and seeing a familiar face may help. obito vetoes this and decides he’ll go get kakashi himself. he’s, of course, seen how being away from the village has affected him. and while he’s entirely competent, he’s almost too competent. and doesn’t do well with surprises.

without further preamble, he kamuis into kakashi’s cave, startling him and causing him to spill his soup everywhere. now, kakashi is very much attack first, talk second at this point in his life. having been away from society for so long has allowed his hatake genes to really take over and he’s become much more uhhh instinct driven.

so once he gets over his initial shock and his initial reaction of ‘kill kill kill’, he freezes. he’s always had a sharp sense of smell but it’s on a different level now and there’s something familiar about this strange ghost man. for someone so ghoulish, he has a scent and it lights a lamp in kakashi’s subconscious.

‘i know you’ kakashi accuses, a snarl rising in his throat. this ghoul man is in his cave, his private space, he wants answers.

‘do you?’ a deep voice asks, sounding surprised and amused.

kakashi weighs his options of arguing with ghost guy or figuring out why the hell ghost guy just…appeared in his cave.

‘i’m here to take you to join the akatsuki’ ghoul man decides for him. kakashi grunts and picks up his overturn bowl.

‘no thanks’ he states, scooping some soup from the pot into his bowl.

‘it’s not an invitation’ the apparition snaps and kakashi pauses. he sniffs towards ghost guy again but he still can’t place the scent to the man.

‘can you please leave? i’m trying to eat my dinner and well…’ kakashi asks (but of course it’s more of demand), pointedly gesturing to his mask.

‘what? no. you’re coming with me,” obito growls, his eye twitching in irritation. after all these years, all his suffering, all he’s learned and how much he’s grown…bakakashi still gets under his fucking skin.

‘i don’t want to’ kakashi pouts, petulance and amusement in his tone.

‘you don’t get a choice’ obito hisses in madara’s voice. it sounds wrong and entirely too much like obito.

‘maa, what do i get out of it?’ hatake drawls, a glint in his eye that tells obito hes enjoying this far too much.

‘nothing. you get nothing except me letting you continue to live your sorry life’ obito snaps back, unable to stop the heat of annoyance racing up his spine.

‘how do you know my life is sorry?’ kakashi taunts loftily, crossing his arms and lifting his nose to the ceiling.

‘for the love of sage’ obito takes kakashi by the arm and warps them into kamui, uncaring if kakashi recognizes the jutsu or not. he just wants him to shut up. he should kill pain for making him do this. he would kill hidan but that fucker can’t fucking die.

‘hey i recognize that foot’ kakashi mutters to himself, eye squinted at the severed foot he warped into the dimension months ago. huh. that’s where the things he disappears go. interesting.

hey wait—

‘i know that look’ obito bites out, letting his facade drop. stupid fucking genius asshole.

kakashi gasps, eyes watering in disbelief. ‘don’t—don’t fucking do that. get it together already. you’re about to meet a bunch of fuckin’ s-ranked missing-nins, you can’t be crying’

obito’s voice is a little awkward this soft, but he’s sincere. he doesn’t know how or why he’s sincere, he hates kakashi. he thinks. he’s not too sure but he hasn’t been…soft…in years. but the sight of kakashi, broken and worn down, has something in him melting just a little.

‘you fucking dickhead’ kakashi croaks, shoving obito’s shoulder. ‘you fucking— fucking asshole! you were dead! you bastard, how could you not come back? how could you not tell me?’

kakashi’s voice is hard and cracking at the edges. it throws obito off entirely. his mouth opens and closes like a limp fish behind tobi’s mask, trying to find the words he should say.

after a few moments of kakashi’s hardened stare, obito finds himself feeling indignant. ‘i never thought you’d care’ he sneers. a lie.

‘you’re not that fucking good at lying still and i’m not dense. you’ve been stalking me. at least since i left the village’ kakashi accuses with a scoff.

‘i run a terrorist organization!’ obito shoots back hotly. ‘excuse me for thinking duty-driven kakashi wouldn’t take his dead sunshine-happy teammate becoming an s-rank criminal well!’ he seethes, finding he isn’t all that angry. this feels familiar.

‘oh please. i’d follow you till the end of the fucking earth’ kakashi spits before his eyes widen in shock, much like obito’s eye does. kakashi drops his full bowl of soup on the floor of kamui and covers his mouth with both hands.

obito makes a noise in the back of his throat, ‘don’t—‘ and then he’s ripping his mask off and pulling kakashi’s hands away from his face and tugging him close. lips to mask, he doesn’t care, he kisses kakashi fervently.

he tastes kakashi through the clothe of his mask, moaning at the way kakashi moans against him, the way kakashi’s fingers find themselves in obito’s hair. when they finally pull away, obito manages a please smile, cheeks bright red and pupil blown, ‘don’t follow me. walk with me.’

kakashi rolls his eyes and pulls him in for another kiss. ‘told you i knew you’ he whispers against obito’s lips, before nuzzling his face into obito’s neck, scenting him, marking him.

———

AHEM ANYWAY:

i think kakashi’s hair would be grown out, similar to how obito’s hair was during cave life with old ass madara. his already long canines would grow, and he’d be super in touch with nature. i think he’d be able to communicate with animals similar to how juugo is. basically, once away from the village and society, he becomes a lot more hatake-ish. just. kakashi growling and snarling snurfing at any akatsuki member that isn’t obito. or itachi. he’ll accept kisame eventually too, but that’s it. everyone else he does not talk to, only growls at.

[lizajane2]

Kakashi has flaws I’m aware of that. Like just because i find him hot does not mean I’m blind to them. The man is scared of his own emotions, okay? He would rather burry his head in porn books, or have Guy challenge him to something stupid, than face his actual problems.

The only thing I dislike regarding his character is that Kishimoto did NOT showcase his abilities very well. Now, I will say his fight with Kakuzu and Hidan showed why he’s fucking talented. But you mean to tell me that he has a thousand jutsu and you (Kishimoto) only let him use seven throughout the entire series?! We need to talk about that in detail, sir.

Anyway, what started this post, was reading a comment on tiktok how he should’ve been there for Naruto, and to raise and help him. Help him how?

Kakashi was thirteen, maybe, in the ANBU, and he’s seen things, done things. That man was going through some shit. His best friend died, Rin killed herself by jumping in front of his chidori. The man had nightmares (I think they were more like night terrors) and rigorously washed his hands for minutes because he could still see her blood. And then Minato dies. Kakashi was traumatized, he was losing people left and right. Ain’t no way he’s gonna help Naruto, a child, feel less lonely when he could barely keep himself together. Not to mention that man was a stone cold killer in the ANBU. He was ruthless.

My point is don’t expect a thirteen year old child to suddenly act maturely and selfless and take a newborn under his wing when he has full blown PTSD and depression. When he’s so deeply traumatized he shuts down emotionally. That’s just not what Naruto would’ve needed growing up. A toxic household is not the answer.

[justsasuke]

Akatsuki scars

For @animucomedy Because I don’t usually do akatsuki content but I’m making an exception for you. (Sorry it took a million years T^T). Also I only did the main members of Akatsuki (except Zetsu and Tobi)...hope that's OK.

Inspired by this post

. . .

Hidan: there isn’t a part of him that isn’t a scar. He carves himself up in the name of religion but everyone knows he does it because he wants to. Hoarding scars and wounds and stitches like Kakuzu hoards money. His most prominent scars are from all the times his partner has sewn him back together leaving large, ugly stitches just because he can.

Kakuzu: also covered in scars. This man has 12 hearts and he’s still a Scrooge. He still has the marks of each self conducted surgery because he’ll never spend anything on medicine to help them heal better. Theres something horrible about his scars. All of them violent and ugly and raw with suture marks from surgeries he performed himself that look barely scabbed over even though it’s been years.

Itachi: the lines on his face are scars left by the tears he never shed. Or that's what Kisame says anyway. He's always favored Genjtusu over contact fighting so he hardly has any scars. He has a 10 cm scar on his forearm though from when he was training for the ANBU test. It happened in a moment of distraction when a 6 year old Sasuke walked right into a trap he had set for training. He ended up needing stitches for it. It healed quickly but the scar is still very visible.

Kisame: His skin is tough, basically knife proof so he has other scars. Burn patches from a mission that ended in flames, a chunk missing from his thigh from when he fought a Shinobi with wind-type jutsu. Sand burns on his shoulders from a mission in Suna. There's a huge scar on his side that only Itachi has seen. It looks like something sunk it's teeth into him and spans from his ribcage to his hip. Where it's from is the only thing he won't tell his partner.

Sasori: he’s a puppet now but when he wasn’t, when he was still human his fingers were littered with callouses and cuts, splinter scars from carving and carving and carving puppet after puppet, searching for connection through string when all else was severed.

Deidara: he’s covered in burn scars from failed bombs and singed with phosphorus that exploded too early. There's a scar on the side of his face from a bomb gone wrong that took of his eyebrow when it happened. It's healed now but there's still discoloration. Half of his fingerprints have been melted off by acid and his fingernails are always bitten too short from his anxious habit.

Konan: She looks scarless but her fingertips are covered in hundreds of tiny paper cuts from folding thousands of origami shapes wishing for the war to end. Writing countless of wishes for her family and friends before she learned to use paper as her weapon. Her scars are mostly inside. In the way she keeps cautious distance from everything and silently observes all that happens around her. It’s in the intensity in her eyes masked by a cool expressionless facade.

Nagato: His body is broken, everyone knows that. But his scars, like Konan's are on the inside. Ultimately Akatsuki is his scar.

Yahiko: He has scars from the war, permanent cuts on his knees and hands from clambering over rubble in search of food. The worst scar is the stab wound that ultimately killed him. It never healed.

[kankuroplease]

Hi, hope you’re having a good morning/afternoon/night

I wanted to ask your opinion/thoughts on any Hanabi x Canon ships you like? She kinda has an odd age gap with the main cast. 5 years isn’t that bad but it kinda depends on what ages they meet at (preferably when she is 20+). The obvious answer might be konohamaru or someone on his team but none of those really do anything for me.

Sorry this is kinda long. Also praying this didn’t come off as weird😅

Ngl Hanabi x canon ships would be limited if a little age gap and shared adolescence is weird for you because, like you said, the vast majority of canon characters are older than her and team Ebisu + she’s the next Hyuga clan head to be, no? Kinda hard to find someone that’s outside of konoha with a title like that.

So, I’m going to toss the ages out the window and go off of vibes (because I can’t say I actually have a Hanabi canon ship I hardcore ship):

Safe bets:

Hanabi x Konohamaru - it’s a good safe and cute ship

Hanabi x Moegi - it could be a really cute ship romantic or platonic!

Hanabi x Shino - there’s absolutely no way Shino would’ve had a real attraction to her before they were somewhat colleagues/spent time together. Plus I’m always here for Shino having a partner that’s a little more bold and confident

Hanabi x Lee - another one that wouldn’t develop an attraction until they spent time together. Both can throw hands, their energies kinda just align, and Lee would definitely try to win Hiashi’s approval

Hanabi x Gaara - as the younger sister of a quiet person, she’s equipped with the ability to strike up conversation in creative ways. Biggest problem is is that he’s a Kage and she’s set to lead the Hyuga

Hanabi x Kankuro - which brings me here. The only problem with this ship is the people that would have to tolerate them as a couple. Definitely would have prank wars.

Hanabi x Karui - two beautiful women that don’t hesitate in a fight? Yeah that’s a hot couple. ALSO, she offers a more mature balance to Hanabi’s playfulness

Hanabi x Yukimaru - give him the three tails and give Hiashi a headache that both his daughters are with jinchuriki

questionable/hear me out/kpz wtf!?:

If you don’t like big age gaps, don’t want possible angst, or villains DO NOT read more

Hanabi x Naruto - as a NaruHina shipper, it pains me to say they vibe, but they do so well. So I’m going to avoid it for my mental health and to avoid sibling conflict 💀

Hanabi x Shisui - Given he would be anbu, there’s a totally reasonable possibility they wouldn’t have actually met despite being in the same village. Also, his cheekiness compliments hers.

Hanabi x Hidan - wait, comeback! I’m going to hold your hand when I say this; they would be a bizarre power couple if Hanabi went rouge as an adult and stitched this man back together. This ofc wouldn’t really be romantic as much as a relationship of convenience

Hanabi x toneri - I’ve lost you at this point, but here me out. What IF he hadn’t done what he did in the last and they just met. Teaching your blind space bf how to people could have been sweet and also hilarious if he just flew away when Hiashi caught him visiting. Also the child they could have you be a force of nature

[allyium-inserts]

If Only... Part 2

Based on Naruto Shippuden. Has canon-level violence and death. Mentions of pregnancy. Very fluffy and angsty. I try to follow the Shippuden storyline as best as I can. There will probably be grammar mistakes. Sorry, it took so long, I’m a senior in college so I’m just trying to graduate right now!

Find Part one here!

At this point no one knows of your relationship with Itachi except for the Akatsuki, only Jiraiya knows that’s because he was gaining intel on the Akatsuki and found out that way. But I know for a fact Tsunade has Anbu watch over your cottage. And that Anbu is Tenzo/ Yamato and you both have a deal to not tell your mother who visits and only steps in when you are in danger (even though you can handle yourself)

The only reason the Akatsuki knows about your relationship is because of Kisame’s slip up and that one-time Hidan tried to get in your pants and when you brought it up to Itachi. Itachi was not happy, and it is safe to say that Hidan will never mess with you or Itachi again. At least not in Itachi’s presence

Although you two are not officially married, he has slipped up and called you his wife when talking to Kisame about you. And Kisame never lets him live that down. And you have slipped up by saying my husband when talking to Sakura or Shizune. And they are so confused because they don’t even know you are seeing someone. I mean Sakura totally thinks you are from that one time, but she couldn't confirm it. 

When Jiraiya and Naruto leave to train, you totally leave with them to travel again cuz you’ve missed traveling around the land and being able to help other people. When Jiraiya almost gets killed by Naruto, you are the one who saves his life. He is very much in debt to you at this point. One Senju almost killed him, while another practically saved him.

But you three diverge and you continue to do your own thing. And while traveling you meet Hidan and Kakazu a lot considering how much Kakazu tries to kill Hidan. Hidan likes to call you his little nurse, but only when Itachi isn’t around because the last time he did. He wished he wasn’t immortal. 

While traveling, Itachi visits and you bring up starting a family because you know for a fact that Itachi to you is like Dan was to Tsunade. Plus, it doesn’t help that both you and Itachi have a feeling that Sasuke will come after him soon. You both go into this long discussion about having children and even though you are both extremely young. You are ready and fully prepared to raise a child on your own.

Itachi would love to have a child with you, and nothing would make him happier than starting a family with someone. Especially after being alone for so long and thinking that he did not deserve love at all. He doesn’t even think he deserves to have the privilege of being a father let own being with you.

You understand his stance and wouldn’t push any further, but he wouldn’t mind trying and if you were to get pregnant then you do and if not, you don’t.

“My Love, after everything I did. You would want to give me that honor?” 

“Of course, Itachi, no matter what happened in the past, you deserve to have a family.”

That absolutely melts him, and he does not understand how he is constantly falling deeper and deeper in love with you because each time he falls and doesn't think he can fall deeper. After this conversation, you both would continue to talk about baby names. And decided that if you were to have a daughter, name her Mikoto after Itachi’s mother. For a boy, you would name him after your late uncle Nawaki. 

During your travels you hear about the civil war in the Land of Rain, so you head that way to provide medical aid to injured civilians and ninja if need be. Getting into the Land of Rain is extremely difficult to begin with, but because you are an “asset” to the Akatsuki, you can get in easily. Although when you tell Pain that you are going to provide for both sides, he was not happy, but killing you would cause him more issues than he needed now, especially since they are preparing their move. 

The people in their Hidden Village often called you The Priestess, which was a name you haven’t heard since you met Itachi all those years ago. During the Civil War, Hanzo had put a few attempts on your life, which did not work. Except there was a very close call where an injured ninja had arrived at your tent. The injuries were serious, so you used a lot of chakras and by the time you were done you were exhausted. In your state of exhaustion, you didn’t realize the ninja had gotten up and threw a kunai through your stomach. When you looked back, he was already dead, and Itachi was standing over his body. You pull the kunai out of your stomach before you start to cough up a lot of blood.

At this point you were bleeding out and your chakra was almost completely depleted. Although your mother had taught you about the Seal of 100 hundreds healing and how to accumulate the chakra. You never truly unlocked it, and you have been accumulating chakra since you were 15. 

Suddenly you feel the wound disappearing and your chakra regenerating quicker than normal.  By the time Itachi moves to you, your stomach wound is practically closed and just blood covers that portion of your shirt. His heart literally dropped when he saw the kunai in your stomach. He literally could not lose you, the only person in his life that showed him what it was like to love again. In his mind, he will always be the one to die first, after all Sasuke is getting stronger.

“Please don’t leave me yet.”

After your near-death experience, you leave the land of rain and begin to head back to Konoha. During your travels, you run into Jiraiya and Naruto. The first thing you do is check on Jiraiya’s wound and ask how the training is going. 

You finally arrive in Konoha and the first thing you do is head back to your cottage near the Nara Forest. To your own surprise, Tsunade, Shizune, Sakura, and Tenzo have kept your home clean and neat. 

On your walk to the village, the first person to recognize you is Sakura, who was picking medical herbs right outside the village. The first thing she noticed was your forehead seal. Her eyes literally lit up and asked about the seal. You answered any questions she had while you both walked into the village straight to the hokage’s office to talk to your mother.

When you arrive at the office, Tsunade is doing paperwork with Shizune. She stops her paperwork to give you a large hug, much like when you initially arrived in Konoha. You talk and discuss your travels as well as how you unlocked your Seal of 100 Healings.

During this time, you have started to help at the Hidden Leaf Hospital. You also grow close to the Nara family, cuz after all you are one of the few people allowed in the forest. You rarely see Itachi at all until about a week before Naruto arrives. 

You are hanging out in your home, cleaning up and getting ready to leave into the forest to collect medical herbs to use. A knock at your door causes you to stop what you are doing and at the door is Itachi. You smile widely because you haven’t seen him in a while and let him in. 

During his visit, he tells you that the Akatsuki are starting their plan and probably will not see him very much or at all until the plan is complete. You nod your head and ask how long he will be staying. And ofc it’s not long but he promised to make the most of it. Because after all you both have a feeling that you wouldn’t see each other again. 

So, his entire visit you guys do nothing but whisper sweet nothings and make love to each other, because after all of this is the last time, you might see Itachi. 

Before he leaves you to try to heal his eyesight, but he denies you and that makes that gut feeling even worse. 

“Please come back to me.”

“I can’t promise that my love.”

The next week, Naruto returns to the village with Jiraiya after training for so long. Once Jiraiya hands Naruto off to Kakashi, he asks you to meet for tea. You meet up with him and discuss his intel on the Akatsuki and want it to mean for you as an “honorary” member of Akatsuki. You refuse to break the confidentiality between Itachi and yourself, so you only listen and don’t tell anything specific other than their plan is starting soon, but don’t know when. With that, you leave some Ryo and leave.  

You don’t hear from any of the Akatsuki until you are talking to a Nara member in the village and a gray piece of paper lands in your hand as a message from Konan. You politely dismiss yourself from the Nara member and head straight to your cottage to prepare a first aid bag. As you leave the cottage, you are met with Tobi, which teleports you to the hideout.

Once you arrive at the hideout, you are met with an extremely injured Deidara, a dead Sasori, and fellow Akatsuki members. You instantly go to work on Deidara and heal him as best as you can. You practically exhaust yourself healing Deidara and nearly pass out from chakra depletion. After like 6 hours of healing, you have healed Deidara the best you could. 

You continue with your life until one day you go to Sakura because you were feeling under the weather. It had been about three weeks since you saw Itachi. As a healing ninja, you had an idea about what was causing the illness. When she confirmed your suspicions, you told her to not tell anyone, not even your mother. 

You heard talk around the village about Akatsuki in the area. You ignore the information and go to the closest collection office to collect some blood and resources. Although technically working with Konoha is a way. While being a mercenary any blood or organs you needed you would go to the collection offices and buy them. Just as you arrived you ran into Shikamaru and his crew. When he asked what you were doing here you brought up how when you were traveling you often used collection offices to get blood and organs. What you weren’t expecting was that Hidan was sitting on the stoop of the office. 

As soon as you walked past, Hidan perked up and was like “Are you to heal me, my little nurse” with that smirk on his face. You simply replied with, “don’t let you know who hear that” and his face paled slightly until he looked behind you. You just walked in and started talking to Kakazu and the Head person about the recent arrivals and cost and stuff. 

Cue the fight scene where Asuma is dying. 

You felt bad about Asuma and how Ino was trying to help him, she looked at you pleadingly as a cue to help her.

“Why are you just standing there? HELP US!”

“He’s already dead Ino.” 

The shock in her eyes as you said that and the anger behind them was something you haven’t seen since the Civil War in the Hidden Rain Village. You felt guilty but she will learn when to stop trying like you did.

“How long have you been working with Akatsuki?”

You didn’t answer at all. You didn’t have to tell Shikamaru how you met them randomly and then fell in love with Kin slayer and is pregnant with his child. You didn’t have to explain how we were practically a mercenary, so it wasn’t uncommon to run into ting. Everyone looked at you in shock and betrayal. 

You simply returned to your cottage and prepared for a transplant that you needed to complete to help a traveling merchant. 

You had been requested by your mother to report to the Hokage’s office, regarding the issue. You wanted to ignore it, but her mother’s ignorance of the situation has gone on too long and now we both needed to answer it. 

As soon as you arrived you heard the screaming from Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji about the situation. They wanted answers and you didn’t blame them. As soon as you walked into the office you and your mother exchanged a look and you sighed. 

“You want answers, here are the answer.”

You explained to them about how you were a traveling healer and that you had run into Itachi and Kisame by chance. And how it wasn’t uncommon to see rogue ninja on the road, and since you weren’t one for affiliations, you healed whoever regardless how terrible they were. You told them everything except your relationship with Itachi and that you were pregnant. After that whole debacle, they were of course still angry for letting Asuma die and the whole situation. You chose to not go to the funeral. 

Cue the Itachi pursuit mission and here’s where it gets angsty…

At this point you are like 2 months pregnant, and slightly showing.

So, when you hear about the mission you of course decide to join regardless of what your mother says, and the people involved are confused until your mother explains to them my connection to Akatsuki and your close relation to Itachi. She didn’t go into detail about our relationship but said it would be helpful. 

Jiraiya and I made eye contact, and you really had a bad feeling about this, and you knew that you had to go regardless of the protest. Tenzo would back you up in going but Sakura was nervous for your child.

During the mission you are stuck with Sakura and the two ninja dogs. Until there was a bright explosion, that captivated us. You instantly start running that way cuz you knew you had to, there was a feeling. After that investigation, you continued with the group until Tobi popped up, you knew why he was there and why there was this pit in your stomach. 

“Tobi, let me through!”

“Tobi only will let Ms. (Y/N) because she gives Tobi candy.”

With that you pushed through unconcerned with the yelling behind and the confusion. Tenzo knew why you had to move forward.  I ran until I caught up with Kisame and Sasuke's crew. You were already crying knowing the outcome today will have, but you just needed to see him. 

“Kisame please… you know I need to see him.”

“You of all people should know why I can’t let you through.”

I’m the last part of the fight. You pushed through Kisame and ran Itachi, the dehydration didn’t matter, the cold numbing your body didn’t matter, and the rawness in your eyes did not matter. All that mattered was Itachi and seeing him alive and telling him about your child. So, he can die knowing about the miracle you two have talked about.

As soon as you arrived at the scene, a scream ripped from your lips, and you stumbled down the rocky surface to meet Itachi. You ignored the stunned boy and instantly fell to the ground, grasping Itachi in your hands. You started healing him in desperation to see his eyes again, to see the love they carry. 

 “Please don’t leave me, please! I can’t live without you, Itachi. I can’t… I can’t raise her by myself!” You sobbed loudly as Tobi, Kisame, and Zenstu appear in front of you. You continued to try and heal him as the sob racked from your body, vision blurry with tears unable to comprehend anything around you. “I know I said I was ready to do this by myself, but I c-can’t, please. Please wake up!” Hoping it was genjustu who continued to try and free yourself. You even used your 100 healing seals just so you could see his brown eyes again. You didn’t care that you might be hurting your child, but you just wanted to hear his voice one more time, see his smile one more time. It was too soon for him to go, he still needed to meet his child, he had to meet his child. “We have to take him,” someone said but you couldn’t figure out who, and next thing you know all you are holding his headband to your chest as another loud scream is ripped from your mouth into the air as the Konoha ninja finally reach you. Ignoring their presence, you continue to sob, not caring who sees or hears because, after all the love of your life, the father of your child had just been ripped away from you. Your throat was raw as you finally feel someone put their cloak over you to try and cover your drenched form. The world was a cruel place, and you can think everything is perfect until it all falls apart. All you say, your throat raw from screaming, turning back to them is,

“He’s gone” 

[teatitty]

Honestly your takes on Iruka are so refreshing this fandom treats him like he’s not a ninja and it’s so weird because he has quite a few A ranks under his belt along with being noted as having great potential I kind of wish it was explored more but who knows

You're so welcome because I've read many a fic where people act like he'd clutch his pearls over killing someone like guys. Fellas. He's been on multiple B and A rank missions. He's absolutely fucking killed many people before, not to mention all the times lower ranked missions simply Go To Hell or a client lies about how dangerous a job is etc. Shit happens. He's literally training kids to be killers he would not be doing that if he had some uwu innocent civilian mindset

And he has three chakra natures! Fire, Water and Yin, as taken from his actual databooks. There's so much you can do with that alone just by looking the various jutsu in those three categories! We know he uses strong barrier seals so it makes sense for so many of us to have him as an excuse to create Seal Jutsu lore but you can expand outside of it too!

His basics would be fucking flawless given how often he has to teach them to kids, his aim with a kunai or shuriken is probably immaculate, like sure in a 1V1 taijutsu fight he's not beating Gai because Gai is a literal expert at that style but that doesn't mean he can't do decent hand to hand against other shinobi and bandits and fighters!

I saw someone complain once that some fans make him overpowered enough to "break the canon" and that has me going tch because like. Kishimoto broke his own canon powerscaling all the time. The Sannin. Sasuke and Naruto. Pain. Madara and Hashirama. Kakuzu and Hidan. Obito for a long while. Fucking Danzo even. If canon is allowed to break itself multiple times then so are we

Cringe is dead make your faves as overpowered as you want for the stories you want to tell. For instance: me making Sakura the hokage in my canon instead of Naruto and having Ino and Hinata as her ANBU guards. Yanno

[mixelation]

In your last ask about Tori being reborn into Naruto, one of the tags mentions the akatsuki being reborn? Do you mind going into that? As in the akatsuki being reborn into different villages after they die?

no, the premise is more like a time travel fic where the time travelers end up in their younger bodies. so the akatsuki are still themselves but now they have.... Future Knowledge(tm). i've been going back and forth a lot on how this would change their decision making processes because obviously some of them could have huge effects on the canon plot. kakuzu, for example, is old enough he could probably prevent any ninja village from being founded in he played his cards right.

some ideas:

i am intrigued by the idea of kakuzu killing hashirama and preventing konoha from ever happening, but also this isn't the story to explore that. instead he decides to fuck off and be a missing-nin earlier, because he doesn't want to fuck with his village any more than he has to

hidan makes zero changes to his life. good job, hidan

sasori still makes himself a puppet, but maybe does it when he's older? like i feel like when i was 16 i was like "yeah, being a teenager forever is a good idea" but as an adult i'm like "but sasori would be so hot if he actually looked 35?" also he might get taller. so i think with the wisdom of age he might wait a bit. i also feel like he might have the motivation/ability to interfere in how the war that killed his parents went (i think it was the second one?) but that's another moving piece i'm still rotating

i haven't decided how this is going to play out in plasticity, but for this AU let's say konan and pein understand zetsu/obito's roles in ruining the world. they preemptively murder obito, oops. depending on how they do this (and how aware minato is of how obito died), it means ame's relationship with konoha could look REAL different. also not 100% sure what i want to do with yahiko/ame in general. still rotating this part

konan and pein's intervention does mean minato & kushina are still alive and kicking. itachi is confused but he's going with this. danzo's still a slimeball but the massacre isn't really on the table anymore. i'm also leaning towards a scenario where itachi is really, really bad at pretending to be A Normal Child and ends up in ANBU even earlier and is confused about why he's unhappy with this

without obito around to brainwash the mizukage, kiri is more stable and kisame is just chugging along there (although he's firmer about turning down some missions--- and good enough no one can really argue with him)

Deidara's origin story in Plasticity is that his family is just some farmers with proto-mouth hands and Iwa is paying them to churn out a bunch of children to see if they can make a new bloodline limit. Some of the gamete donors are likely ninja, but Deidara was born on a farm and not slorped up into the Iwa system never to see his family again until he was Academy age. Post time travel, Deidara remembers family never paid much attention to him, and he has no reason to want to go back to Iwa, so he just runs away at like age 5

The crux of all this is that none of them actually knows the entire akatsuki has time traveled. Like Nagato and Konan obviously know the other one time traveled and everyone is aware this timeline is Different, but it hasn't occurred to anyone to seek out other members and they don't bump into each other organically because they're all in very different parts of the world. Since she's the main character, obviously Tori gets to the catalyst for people running into each and pointing like the spiderman meme

Since Tori doesn't HAVE a family in Ninjaland to be reborn into, she's brought up as an orphan in a ninja clan that unaffiliated with any village. I just like the idea that there's still some of these kicking around. Since she's not a real part of the family, she gets treated like shit and doesn't really get formal ninja training. B U T the family heads are entering Cahoots with Orochimaru and he's like: what's this? Spare orphans???

Orochimaru obviously eventually completely fucks over the family (maybe they have some interesting kekkai genkai/jutsu he just runs off with while their home burns), but Tori knows exactly what to say and how to act to get into his good graces. But ALSO she's acutely aware she's playing a very dangerous game and abandons ship a few years later, preferably in a very dramatic way where she screws over Orochimaru as much as she can.

(Revenge? She's not worried about that. This is only endearing herself to him.)

I'm going back and forth on what her ~abilities~ are, but I want to keep that she has no elemental affinity. I also can't see her as someone whose gut reaction to a situation would be "I can fight my way out of this" even if she's technically been trained to be competent at it. What she DOES have is a new and creative ways to push the field of fuinjutsu forward. Also toyed around with the idea of misappropriating medical jutsu to fuck shit up? she is not a taijutsu specialist but you should not fight her hand-to-hand, oops

(also, yes, she can throw knives now)

Tori is right between Deidara and Itachi in age so I was thinking while she's wandering around as a 12 year old feral ninja or whatever she is, she somehow runs into Deidara? And then something goes EXTREMELY WEIRD and they both end up in Konoha. This Deidara is technically affiliated with Iwa, but he was never one of them and he's obviously a genius, so I think most of Konha leadership would be like :EYES EMOJI: at him? Tori was affiliated with Konoha's scariest missing-nin, so.... that's suspicious, but also something something she's deidara one friend and that kid needs someone else's braincell.

so, my EXTREMELY convoluted and cracktastic take was then: Minato needs to do something super sneaky at a Chunin Exam for some reason. He wants to send in a fake genin team as entrants, but he'd prefer to use younger shinobi so there's less suspicion. Kushina has been bugging him for a genin team for years. He gives her the extra super special DISASTER team of Itachi, Deidara and Tori*

*tbh i don't super like kushina but i like the idea of her as tori's mentor. their personalities are VERY different but i think kushina would ave a lot of sympathy for a young girl trying to settle into a foreign village, oh and also do you want to do something wild with yogurt

[senjutsunade]

~ANBU Detective Agency~

#Blind Incandescence - Head Cannons Content from the collective madness that is Narnia's 3 lunatics - penned by Crazy Insomniac (CI), Finger Seizure (FS) and Typo Queen (TQ).

ANBU Structure

♦ Mr Coffee maker is the most productive agent of ANBU.

♦ The board members are Shimura Danzo, Sarutobi Hiruzen, Utatane Koharu Mitokado Homura, Uchiha Madara and Senju Tobirama. They fund the ANBU and are the cause of endless migraines. Danzo's demands for random audits may some day end with Tsunade being charged for murder.

♦ Izumo and Kotetsu are the receptionists. Izumo is incharge of filing and Kotetsu is incharge of phone calls. Which is why almost no paper gets filed and barely any calls (especially from the board members) are ever picked up.

♦ Homicide and organized crime Unit - lead by Tsunade. Itachi and Kakashi are her personal headaches/ hand-selected team members. They deal with cases no one wants to touch with a ten foot pole. 

♦ Marital Affairs Unit - members are Kurenai, Asuma and Anko. This is the unit that brings in the most money.  

♦ Insurance Fraud Unit - Genma, Raido and Gai - Gai's youthfulness is what keeps the other two sane.  

♦ Missing persons Unit: Tsume and Shibi 

♦ Cult investigation: Hidan, Sasori, Kisame - the rest of the agency tends to stay away from them.

♦ Narcotics Unit: Inoichi and Shikaku...its kind of their expertise.

♦ Forensic team: Yamato, Hayate, Yugao, Kabuto, Deidara

♦ Ibiki is in charge of interrogation. Anko assists at times. 

♦ Kakazu is the accountant - no one ever gets paid on time.

♦ Orochimaru is the Medical Examiner / resident terror of the agency. Naruto loves him.

When ever Tsunade has a mad scientist moment (she misses holding a scalpel) she tries to go to Orochimaru's lab in desperate hopes he'll let her assist him - the bastard always slaps her hand away, pushes her out of the lab and shuts the door in her face with a smug smirk as if taunting her for not finishing med school.  Naruto is the only one who has complete access to the lab. If one would dare to venture down to Orochimaru's 'dungeons' they would often find the chibi babbling the ME's ear off about what happened in school that day with said ME responding to the babbling while dissecting dead bodies. Good thing his school teachers think Naruto is just a very creative child. 

Tsunade dislikes the favoritism Orochimaru shows. She was the first blond in his life after all. She should have more privileges.

♦ Akatsuki Law - a VERY successful Law agency run by Nagato, Yahiko and Konan. They provide FORCED free services to ANBU because Tsunade insists that’s what family does and Nagato wishes he was cousins with anyone but her. 

♦ Any press conferences that require ANBU presence are dealt with either from a member of the department in question. Itachi, Tsunade and Kakashi stay in the shadows since their roles require them to keep a low profile. 

♦ Social events that require their presence are Senju And Uchiha family related and Tsuande and Itachi attend them. Itachi with a poker face and Tsuande with endless whining. 

♦ Kakashi is incharge of attending all of Naruto’s Parent/Teacher conferences. There is always a bet ongoing regarding how many dates the Hatake will have by the time he returns the next day. 

Tsunade went to one of Naru's parent teacher conferences --  It's ironically the same elementary school that Tsunade herself attended with Orochimaru and Jiraiya since Jiraiya stayed in his family home while the other two moved away.  Unfortunately, the principal remembered Tsunade. She remembered the blonde menace for that one time she had snuck toads into the classroom during recess (she was good at bullying Jiraiya and Jiraiya was good at catching toads) and had left them in the desks of all the girls that had been giving her a hard time for liking to spend all her time with boys (Jira and Oro). The screams once the students had returned and had toads leap on them had shaken the school.  Then there was the time the blonde nightmare had snuck in Orochimaru's new pet snake (without his permission or knowledge at that) and had gone around telling girls it was her new designer scarf. Suffice to say - no one was amused with her prank. Orochimaru had actually not talked to her for a week.  The principal remembered all these things -- that should have been bad enough right? But this is Tsunade we are talking about. And as her luck would have it --  While trying to act like a responsible adult...she notices the janitor and...recalls that the man is actually a suspect in one of her ongoing investigations - only they hadn't been able to find him - until now. She runs after him, tackles him, breaks furniture, swears up a storm that leaves parents, teachers and students traumatized and stumbles out of the school premises with a bleeding split lip, torn clothing, a limp and a murder suspect.  She wants to sue the school for endangering students. They want to sue her for property damage. Nagato swears he has white hair since that week. Tsuande says his hair is still blinding enough and tells him to get out of her office.  Suffice to say, Tsunade is never allowed to come back to Konoha Elementary School. .

 @konohagakurekakashi & @uchihaa-itachi.

[waffliesinyoface]

dumb thought: the akatsuki members various showering habits

Sasori: he does not shower because he does not sweat, and also keeps himself cocooned in Hiruko while traveling. He does, however, have his own frankly intense cleaning regimen that involves specialty oils that he has to make himself. Judges everyone else on this list extremely harshly.

Deidara: owns several dozen types of soap, half of which are hair conditioner. Frequently mixes multiple scents of hair conditioner into one, to create New and Unique Scents that are inherently ephemeral because he won’t have the precise mixture available to create them again. Despite this, ends up smelling like gunpowder literally within 15 minutes of showering.

Itachi: Only uses scentless shinobi-grade soaps designed to minimize presence due to anbu training. Really wants to use strawberry-scented shampoo just this once, but, has too many mental hurdles preventing him from letting himself use it. Despite his desires, frequently criticizes Deidara’s choice in soaps. They’re just not practical, Deidara.

Kisame: 3-in-1 mens bodywash and shampoo/conditioner. It works for him! Usually just dunks himself in a river though.

Kakuzu: Hotel barsoap. Just. So much hotel barsoap.

Hidan: STINKY. STINKY MAN. His hair doesnt shine from conditioner it shines from PURE GREASE.

Pein: Loving, reverential care for Yahiko’s body, with lots of very high quality soaps and oils. Real body last showered a week ago, it’s fine. He’s fine.

Konan: She likes the same kind of scentless shinobi soaps itachi does because of their general high quality, but also puts perfume into her paper flowers because it does not matter if she is detected because she can and will squash her enemies like insects. Does not have the same hangups itachi has and will occasionally treat herself to peach-scented bodywash.

Obito: Steals soap from deidara.

[ladykissingfish]

plssssss can you feed us some Itadei it’s my favorite ship 🙏🏽🥺

*Deidara, going to Itachi’s room*

Deidara: Oi, red-eyes; are you ready yet?? We were supposed to —

Deidara: 

Deidara: What the hell?

*Itachi slowly turns around, decked out in full-Anbu uniform, mask included*

Itachi: Oh … hey …

Deidara: Are you … are you playing dress-up?

Itachi: No; I found these in my trunk and wanted to see if they still fit. I’m surprised they do, it’s been at least 8 years since I’ve worn these things.

Deidara: I like the mask, hm. Not really the rest of it though. You have too many open spots, you could be stabbed really easily.

Itachi: Any Anbu who gets stabbed “easily” isn’t really an Anbu. It’s — I — *suddenly bursts into tears*

Deidara, startled: H-hey! Relax, Uchiha, I didn’t mean —

Itachi: It’s not that! I just … I wish I could go back to being young again! Before everything changed! Before — before —

Deidara, gently: Before you killed your clan?

Itachi: *nods; takes off the mask and wipes his eyes*

Deidara: *hesitates, then sits down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders* 

Deidara: It’s okay, it’s okay; calm down, hm. You’re okay. 

Deidara: *stands up* Let’s go and get some dango.

Itachi, teary-eyed: But … but we have a mission …

Deidara: Hidan owes me a favor; I’ll ask him and Tobi to do it instead. *holds out his hand* C’mon, you evil-eyed bastard. Hey, wait … you know what would be fun?

Itachi: Fun?

Deidara: *looks in Itachi’s trunk* You’ve got more than one of these Anbu outfits … let’s wear them, and tell the owner of whatever shop we go to that we’re on a secret mission from The Hidden Leaf, to find the best dango shop in the country. I bet they give us everything for free!

Itachi: 

Itachi: *smiles and puts on the mask* I like the way you think. We could —

Kakuzu, suddenly in the doorway: Have you got a third outfit in there? I could use some free liver from that one cafe up the road.

Itachi and Deidara:

I’m sorry it’s not exactly romantic but I have a hard time writing love-ItaDei. I hope this makes you happy. Thank you for your ask 😊

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Fights Kakashi won

Kakashi Vs Zabuza 2.0 1V1 (Haku saved Zabuza and then they made a truce)

Kakashi and Gai vs multiple Sand and sound Shinobi.

Kakashi and Gai vs Seven deadly swordsmen

Kakashi vs Multiple reanimated Shinobi

The counless Shinobi he defeated while in Anbu

Dude literally doesn’t even break a sweat against most shinobi, even Jonin ranked. The one’s he loses to are god tier/genius

Fights that had no clear winner/Kishi needed to show off Naruto’s skills

Kakashi and Naruto vs Diedara (Diedara did little to no damage, Kakashi took diedara’s arm and then kamuied him away when he tried to take team ten down with him)

Kakashi vs Hidan and Kakuzu (they were wearing him down but actual skill Kakashi outclassed them. Kishi also had to let Naruto show off his pretty new Jutsu)

Kakashi vs Sasuke (Vote1) (Sakura decided to try to kill Sasuke again and Naruto had to show up)

Kakashi Vs Obito (they hit each other and were going toe to toe)

Kakashi Vs Itachi 2.0 (shippuden. Itachi obv was just trying to stall but Kakashi showed growth by tricking Itachi into using his MS on a shadow clone)

Kakashi Vs Zabuza 1.0 (focused soly on protecting his students and dropped his guard for himself in the process, causing him to make a mistake. Would be a ‘lose’ except there was no clear moment where Zabuza won and when Sasuke and Naruto got Kakashi out he dominated the fight.)

Fights Kakashi 100% lost

Kakashi Vs Itachi 1.0 (dude knew next to nothing about the sharingan except what he learned on his own and made a dumb mistake that almost cost him his life. It’s a good show of how one stupid mistake can cost even a great warrior their lives)

Pein (although he still died of his own choice to protect Choji, rather than Pein killing him)